#377: Return of the Mack...Daddy

Every year we get smarter.

Every generation gets smarter.

Do we?

I disagree with that.

He was like, nine hours.

I'm sitting there nine hours.

Isn't it joking?

100% of the time, somebody's like, you want pizza or a glass of fish cum?

I'm going to be like, but what if it was a mermaid?

Tell them, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave and Walt, what a week it is.

The goat of impractical joking is finally back with us.

Back in the saddle.

Happy Cinco TESD Mayo, boys.

Back just in time

for a month-long celebration.

It's been going swimmingly, too.

I thought it started on the 13th.

I thought it was mid-June to mid-June.

It changes every year.

It started a little early.

You're back probably about the third week into it.

I think it's six weeks, actually.

Oh, I think it changes every year.

I'm about halfway through.

Which is how you roll, right?

TSD rolls.

You don't want to be on time or

even have the right dates.

I mean, it's okay.

All I've been hearing is that you guys have been on fire, on time, and consistent since I've been gone.

A couple other shows I wanted to set myself on fire, if that's what you mean.

The guest host did quite well, don't you think, Will?

Yes, but I would say, you ever see a duck?

I've seen ducks.

I did not expect an answer from you.

You ever see a duck swimming?

Yeah.

It looks like it's doing fucking smoothly, right?

Yeah, man.

And then underneath, it's all turbulent.

It's like going all crazy.

That's what it was.

So we were.

Was that us or was it us?

That was us.

That was us.

We were like, you know,

trying to be ducks

while you were gone.

It appeared to be smooth, but in fact, it was a disarray.

Yeah, it was completely chaotic.

You kind of fucked it up for us.

But we're back.

Yeah, it's good to have you back, man.

I miss you when you're gone.

Yeah,

it was.

I miss being here.

It was good that week that you were down, Brian, to shoot the movie.

It felt like a little bit of home was down there.

But

Miss Telum Steve Dave, glad to be here.

What did I miss?

What would you say, Walt?

Just I don't know.

Oh, boy.

Shows with, who do we do shows?

We did shows with Chris Ledondo.

We did shows a show with Ming, show with

Frank Five, Chuck Staten, and Troy.

Those were the guys who filled in.

Nice.

Troy doing the show makes me really makes me want to do a show with Troy.

Yeah, I'm sure he had a bunch of good shit.

Yeah.

And wait till he retires.

That's the thing.

Yeah, four more years.

Yeah.

Because then the real stories could start coming out.

I look forward to his retirement more than he does.

Yeah.

Or his wife.

We got to give two shout-outs, Walt.

I mean, this is pretty rare.

But yeah, a shout-out to House Party who gave you that all-in-the-family

game.

Or is that it?

It's a game, right?

Really?

Yeah.

You agreed to this?

I agreed to it because he bought Q's.

I was over at Surf Taco and he insisted on buying my chips and Q's dinner.

Oh, okay.

All right.

It's the least I could do.

Wait,

he gives games from the 70s and buys delicious burritos?

He's awesome, right?

Does he work there?

He does not.

Nah, he's a listener.

He was just hanging out there?

Jason.

Yeah, well, he came in here and then I saw him over there.

Oh, okay.

And Jeffrey Locke, Joffrey Locke on Twitter.

If you want to say hello to him, he is an aunt who has lymphoma.

And the other day, I didn't know how to address it.

So, like, he tweeted something about, like, hey, wish me luck.

I'm off to find out if what I'm not sure the technical terms, but like, if it got worse.

And

by the time I saw that, he had already posted again underneath it where it's like, well, it looks like it's bad news, the lymphoma returned.

And I was tempted to just favorite the tweet, not say anything

as a dickhead move, but instead I was like, you know what?

Let me say goodbye.

I couldn't think of the right combination of words that would.

You know what I mean?

I can't be serious on Twitter.

Yeah, but you know this guy?

No, he's been around for quite a while.

Because lots of

lymphoma.

He's been going through lymphoma.

I'm teary-eyed about everybody.

I cry for each and every one of them.

he's the only one I know of?

Is that serious?

Oh, yeah.

Cancer, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's like cancer in cells or something.

Now I know I'm doing cancer a disservice by not explaining it correctly.

Well, everybody knows cancer is a no-go.

It's not fun.

It's in the neck, huh?

I believe so.

Between lymph nodes, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Glands.

Well, we are.

Let's hope that

if all listeners send out positive

thoughts and prayers, buddy.

I don't want to suggest that maybe people should send $5 into the skull.

On Jeffrey's behalf.

Or maybe Jeffrey should just send whatever he has.

I mean, it has been known to help.

Hey, you know what?

I'll ask Father Lance to

say a prayer for Jeffrey.

Okay.

And I know he will.

Father Lance is a good dude and

he's tight with the right people, especially people upstairs, and maybe he can.

I feel like if that were the case for real, he would be one of these healer types, right?

Where he's like, demons out!

And like, you know, he's got his hand on the dude's forehead.

He's working at it, man.

He's working on getting demons out.

He's, you know, he's going for

his possessing license.

But I want to see him like stomping around the stage in an all-white suit and shit.

He's exorcist

papers.

You know, he's Pentecostal revival.

So

I got a feeling that, you know.

Over the skull, huh?

I believe in the skull more than I believe in God, all right?

I got to say.

You know what?

If all three of us are working towards the same means, which is helping Jeffrey out of this tough situation,

I'll take Christianity and God and love and faith and hope.

And we'll take reality.

I'll take your $5.

You take

a skull that you found at a flea market, and we'll see.

There's no way that Jeffrey can't

get through this.

So many paths forward.

Cover all bases.

We have to have every religion across the spectrum, right?

I know we got a couple of cool Muslims.

Talk to Allah, Muhammad, whatever.

Do they ask Muhammad for

stuff like that?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I'll ask right now.

Isn't Muhammad a prophet?

That's what we're talking about.

He's the prophet.

Allah is God, right?

Yeah.

Muhammad's just a dude, a prophet.

Right.

Let me see.

Okay.

Allah's the guy you want to talk to.

Well, he's the God.

I'll talk to the, I'll talk to my God.

Thank you.

I don't know.

Your Old Testament God is not like the nicest guy ever.

But aren't they?

Aren't they the same?

I think Allah is the same as Yahweh.

I think they're all the same God.

It's just the pets.

Like, I think they say.

Did you see a coexist bumper sticker on your way?

No, no, no, no, no.

I saw one on his bumper.

That was a

south of the border.

No, no, no.

Pedro says you know

you've never seen sausage like this.

No, no, no.

Like I'm not saying that in some hippie bullshit way.

I think

they believe in the same god.

Like Muslims believe in this.

No, Jesus, they consider prophet like Muhammad is.

So they believe in on the seventh day, you know, on six days, God made the earth on the seventh day.

They believe in Adam and Eve.

They believe in.

I believe, yes.

I don't know that for a fact.

If that's the case, I thought you said that.

Didn't you say that Muhammad fell down a well or something?

I remember you telling us.

It's possible.

I don't know what I'm talking about.

I mentioned stuff like that.

Okay.

I thought that you had said a lot of people.

Why would he trip into a well?

I don't know.

There's some sort of

a lot of

these

hardcore

Muslims.

There's some sort of like, I think it's Iranians.

There's some sort of being in a well that is going to come out of the well at some point.

Baby Jessica.

Let's get off this.

Well, it is good.

It's not good.

They believe in many prophets, including Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac, Moses, and Jesus.

So

they believe that it's all the same God.

We've just strayed off the path.

Who straight off the path?

Christians did?

Everybody.

Oh, everybody did.

I mean, it's hard to stay on the the path.

Fuck yeah.

Definitely.

I don't think anybody even showed me the path.

Didn't you go to Catholic school?

Yeah, but I don't think that's the right path.

Yeah, I remember I went to church when I was young.

I didn't Sunday school.

What a fucking...

It was the pits.

It's like you go to Sunday school, then you got to go to church.

And then after that, they're like, oh, it's fellowship hour.

We would have like this fucking coffee cake that I did not like and coffee.

But they didn't have like juice for kids or whatever.

Kids drank coffee?

If you wanted coffee as a kid, you could have it, but I never liked it, so I didn't have it.

Were you allowed to drink?

And there weren't that many kids.

Fucking 70s, what?

Were you allowed to drink coffee as a child?

Yeah, I wasn't sure.

I think we smoked cigars afterwards.

My whole family smoked, though.

They didn't give a shit.

I don't know just for health reasons.

I think they were just.

But they certainly wouldn't

promote you.

They wouldn't be happy if you picked up smoking, right?

It's like that feck in the Philippines.

Like, he's four years old smoking a cigarette shit.

They would have been disappointed.

I'm sure they tried to steer you away from their bad habit, right?

I actually saw no evidence of that until my dad got lung cancer.

And then that's when the whole family quit smoking.

And I was in high school.

But I remember my kitchen as a kid just being banked down, man, with smoke.

Oh, yeah.

My grandmother smoked.

I was around her.

My aunt and uncle smoked.

And your parents weren't.

Like today, can you imagine bringing one of your younger kids into a room and somebody's just puffing away?

You'd be like, all right, let's get them out of here.

But back then, you sat there and watched TV with my grandmother who.

I just raise smog over the entire kitchen table every night.

Do you, when do you see smoking just becoming just fizzling out?

It just doesn't happen anymore.

I don't think it'll ever happen.

Ever.

No.

I think even overseas, it gets it grows, right?

Like a lot of Eastern European people.

But every year we get smarter.

Every generation gets smarter.

Do we?

I disagree with that.

What the hell has happened?

Well,

we get more information.

It's like, join my club, Q.

But every generation becomes more has more information.

Well, they might be more informed.

They're not necessarily smarter.

Well, I like to I mean, look at some of the stuff that's been popping up, man.

We got computers.

That's not from this generation.

Yeah, but every gener I'm talking about every generation gets smarter.

At a certain point, we're going to be so smart we'll realize we we can't.

We got to outlaw smoke.

Oh, outlaw it.

Straight up outlaw.

They'll never do that.

There's too much money involved.

Well,

once it becomes a smaller and smaller and smaller of market share, once the revenue starts to go down, as people become to realize, you know, I'm not going to do this, it'll be a lot easier to shut down the tobacco industry when they're not.

Damn it, guys.

We only made 80 billion instead of 90 billion.

What are we going to do?

Well, I mean, I had read an article that, like,

the problem is that smoking has begun, like, basically, like, the main people left smoking are, like, poor people.

yeah because you know they need the um they need the stress relief right because i don't know if that's it i don't know i think it's just it's targeted to them

i think why do you think it is is because they they don't have they of all don't have the money because it's so well they also play the lottery so i mean

i think they're preying upon people who have a harder existence and need to blow off the steam so to you know and and get that you know get that stress relief well i think that's that's why they point out, like, hey, why are there so many, like, uh, liquor stores in low-income neighborhoods?

Yeah, same thing.

Because they don't have a party, man.

You got to see them?

Yeah, they fucking party.

They fucking ought to party, man.

The rich don't know how to party?

Rich don't know how to party.

It's always like eyes wide shut type shit.

All decadent and shit.

I haven't been to one of those parties.

I wish.

Man, why can't I have to do it?

You were doing a Caligula when you were out filming?

You definitely could have a Caligula-themed party.

No.

Why don't we have that?

Because you can't.

Why?

How are you going to lock that down?

What a vomitor.

I'm going to throw an orgy

with a vomitorium.

You can't throw an orgy and not have someone with a cell phone ruin the whole thing.

That's true.

Invite your friends.

I don't trust my friends.

Checkpoint Charlie like Tarantino does.

No cell phones allowed in.

Yeah.

Is that what he does?

Ooh, really?

Yeah, like on set he won't allow.

Oh, okay.

I thought you meant he has parties.

Yeah, in his Caligula parties, he doesn't allow.

Because, I mean, Hollywood was known for that, right?

That's where we got the shitting

on the glass table from Hollywood, right?

They've given us so much.

They've ruined.

Yeah, they've ruined Hollywood.

You're right.

Good point.

Well,

they ruined the

mystique.

Buy hookers and drugs for everybody.

Now it's all like.

Before we started shooting the movie, we had to fucking sit down for a two-hour human resources meeting.

No, you didn't.

On sexual harassment with videos and a slideshow.

Oh, my God.

On IJ?

Every movie, apparently, as at the beginning of it now does that.

Yeah, I would have 100% jerked off doing it.

Man,

fucking Shay broke 10 rules before the fucking resources thing was over.

Two hours?

It was insane.

It's insane.

And they did not appreciate my take on things.

What's wrong with a little pat on the ass and let a girl know she's doing a good job?

How's she supposed to know?

Or he, or he?

It's 2018.

I'm evolved.

I I woke.

So you're saying,

like, a 120-minute movie, there wasn't one thing that didn't make you go, hmm, you know what?

I didn't take that in consideration.

It wasn't.

It was.

I'm sure it was a lot of shit, but he still didn't take it in consideration afterwards.

There's nothing to take in consideration.

Like, nothing I do is bad anyway.

So it was just like, it was just the stupidest shit.

It's shit everybody should know.

It's the stuff you know already.

I don't have to sit here and tell you it was in the meeting.

You already know it was not.

Like the same with the race stuff.

It's just like, I already know.

I already know this.

Why are you lecturing me about it?

Because some people don't know, I guess.

I don't know.

Is it a CYA thing for your production company?

Oh, for sure.

So that's what everything is.

We showed the movie.

Hey, man.

Hey, you mean?

We showed them the hashtags.

What was an example of something you shouldn't do?

Like, what did they say?

It was like asking someone out on a second, like, asking someone on a first date to work is fine.

It's the second date.

When if they say no, and then you go back to the well.

I'll lock off.

Maybe Jessica.

I will not go on a date with you.

Yeah, like covering emails and stuff like that, and tone.

You know why you wouldn't have to tell me?

Well, first, I would never ask anyone out on a date like that because I would be,

I just couldn't take the rejection once they're like, no.

Certainly not if they say no once a second time.

I'm going to be like, have you reconsidered?

No, fuck.

Apparently.

That's an issue.

Wow.

What if they say yes the first time?

Can you ask out on the second date?

Yeah, well, then

they were very clear to say, like, because apparently now there's a backlash where people are like, you don't say, where people are like, well, I'm not even fucking like

talking to women or stuff like that.

She was the woman, poor woman was trying to balance this fucking thing.

And she's like, look, it's guys.

It's always guys, guys,

it's unwanted attention.

Like,

you can tell someone, oh, your hair looks nice today.

She's like, that's not sexual harassment.

And

if you get along with someone at work and you joke around with someone at work, that's not sexual harassment.

She's like, it's all

the recipient's desire that creates the whole thing.

Right, but the problem with that is the recipient's desire changes 10 years later, and then it's a problem.

Well, I have nothing to say on that, Brian.

I will say this.

I had a lot of time to think about this.

Well, this shit going on and how I feel fairly secure that you're never going to hear anything come out of the woodwork

about a BQ.

The stars of the feature have to go through this.

I would think you guys would go through this.

You should be allowed to take as much pussy as you want.

That was my first question.

Can I take as much pussy as you want?

I was like, Can you take your shirt off while I give this fucking talk?

Because it'd be much more interesting if you were in your bra.

I'm in movies now, man.

Let me see your bra.

I thought you could set up your standing or something to take.

No, no, they, they, uh, they, actually, I was 10 minutes late and they held it for me to get there.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow, I got, I'm, I'm surprised he needs it the most that the stars have are superior even to this.

There are uh

there are a lot of things,

yeah.

Stars a funny term, well, uh,

nobody treats you any special, I've noticed.

I did expect when I went down there, I will say that the treatment that I saw him get,

we were treated better on Comic Book.

Yeah, really, yeah, yeah, it was odd.

It was suddenly.

It's not, and I have to, I will say this: the crew of the movie, we didn't know going into it, and there was a rough adjustment period.

Not your guys.

And

now, understand, I'm talking about people who now I consider friends.

Like, now,

please, yeah, texting them.

Like, now, like, I really, really love them.

But the first two weeks were kind of like they weren't used to making a hidden camera TV show movie, which requires very fast.

The unions, they don't like when you're like, we need this now,

20 people to move.

You know what I mean?

Like, they had to adjust us.

So the beginning, and Brian, you got there just as the tide was kind of turning a little bit.

So it was worse than what you saw.

Yeah, what I saw was we went in the morning and Q's like, is there any breakfast?

And the girl's like, if you go get some, I guess there is.

And I wasn't even like, hey, can you get me breakfast?

I was literally like, is there any breakfast around?

Like, I wasn't like, somebody get me breakfast.

I was like, hey, man, I'm on set.

Is there any breakfast?

I'll go eat.

And it was just, she's like, nah.

And he's like, all right, I guess we'll go to McDonald's.

You wait to go to McDonald's.

Well, I can identify, though, with you having to warm up to a crew.

It took me eight years to warm up to my guys.

Oh, yeah.

Almost.

Six, right?

Six?

I would say six.

Now I love my guys.

It took me a while to realize that I.

Find out about Walt's guys on the next episode of Smodcast.

Yeah, so it was there is no special treatment.

Do you want special?

I know it's easy to do.

I could use a little on it, but

you always have that expectation, like, well,

there should be a little, right?

No, you know what it was for me?

It was like, this is the thing that I don't like about movie making.

And I love, first of all, I can't say it enough.

The crew, the director, the producers, I got along so well with everybody at the end there.

But I don't understand how, like, if we're going to start, if I

just don't see why I got to be called to set five hours early.

I just don't get it.

Like, I would get there and I'd be like, what the fuck am I here for?

I mean, I wouldn't say it because I didn't want to be that guy.

Do you have a trailer?

We had a trailer that was split into three.

Guys, there are four jokers?

Well, then there was another one with the director, producer, and

so we had a third of a trailer each.

But they gave us what they had to because it's a SAG film, so you have to legally.

We have

a guest in the movie who I don't know if people know, so I don't want to say, but the days that she was on set,

she got a full trailer to herself, and it was a noticeable uptick in the craft services.

Something that was there with those fucking trucks, you know, where people were flipping pancakes and smiling and shit like that.

Yeah, when Lou Farigno was here, it was like fucking, you couldn't believe it.

Look like we're in Hollywood.

When Lou Ferrigno was not here, it was like Snickers bars, even the big ones, little half ones.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, fun size.

So, I mean, no, I don't need coding, but I could have used a little more like, just fuck him, get him here at 9 a.m.

or get him here at 6 a.m.

Yeah, I heard one of the first things I heard when I got down there was from Sal, which was like, I just don't understand.

Like, he was truly perplexed.

That made sense.

He was like, nine hours.

I'm sitting there nine hours.

He's not joking.

That first day, he sat around for nine hours.

And he was just like, why am I here?

I don't understand why I'm here.

I could just imagine his escalating frustration.

We were all very good about it.

Even Sal, especially Sal, you should say, because you know how he could get uncomfortable if he's sitting around doing nothing.

So we never, you know, made it, but it was a very odd thing.

And even when we tried to politely broach it, we'd be like, say,

I can't help but notice that

because they list out the scenes that you're going to shoot, that I'm not in it to like the fourth scene.

so I don't even mind being here, but like, do I have to be wearing this costume?

Because it's a hundred degrees and this is a fucking thing.

Like, I could just change 10 minutes before we go.

It was a lot of that.

And if I think it's just like, in case something changes, yeah, absolutely.

I guess that's the reason, right?

Is it wrapped?

It's wrapped.

There's a

maybe

there's one more day we got to shoot, but that's not determined.

And then when, and then hopefully

another day to fill in some story things

that I need.

I mean, most of the movies hitting camera stuff, there's just this little story that weaves through it.

And

I th I it could use a little a little dash of spice.

Well, it's the trendy thing now is is reshoots.

Is there any chance for reshoots?

Like, you might have to go back and reshoot.

Trendy thing.

You see that in all the big movies now that they have reshoots.

Yeah, because they have guys like Kevin Spacey where they're like, what the fuck, the dude rape children.

Like, we gotta reshoot this thing.

Is That camera is so plugged in, we gotta need to.

No, because most of the movies hitting camera,

like the TV show, and we overshot that.

And so I think there wouldn't be anything.

No chance for reshoots.

I don't think that's good.

I don't think there's a need or a chance for reshoots.

No,

no.

It's so much to like on a TV show, it's much easier because the set is there, but like on a movie, it's like now you got to go back and recreate everything.

Yeah.

And make it look exactly like it looked.

Dude, I got no fucking clue.

I can't wait.

And again, and I say this loving the movie crew.

I can't say that enough, but I can't wait to get back to the fucking TV show.

It's like, all right, calls at fucking 11.

We're out by 3.

We're done.

Let's go to the bar, get some drinks.

Everybody fucking just like, oh, like, dude, if I went to pick something up to help, they'd be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, put that down.

It's a union job.

You can't pick that up.

And nobody, no department can help any other department.

And because they all came up in this world, that's just the way it is for them.

It's not like they're assholes.

They're just like, hey, that's not my job because it can't be my job.

So that I've found slows down a day a little bit, as opposed to everybody being like, what needs to be done?

Let's do it.

Let's do it.

I was only there for maybe six or seven hours on set.

My experience was good.

It was pretty fun.

It was really fun.

Director's great.

Chris Henchy's, he's fucking so, I mean, you couldn't get a better guy.

Pete's great.

Shay is great.

Like, everyone's really cool.

Well, anytime Shay's around, I'm in a good mood.

She's the best.

But yeah, it was fun.

It was a good experience.

It was a really good experience.

The first week I didn't like at all.

The first week was not good for me.

And then

I settled in.

Was it right?

And we started getting along, and that was that.

I liked Atlanta.

It was good.

Was it hot Atlanta while you were there?

Fucking no joke, dude.

First of all, it rains every day.

Why don't they call it wet Atlanta?

It's like every day it rains.

It's insane.

But it is super hot down there.

And there's like every movie shooting down there in the world.

It's just Black Panther just shot right like the entirety of Black Panther was shot in

our offices were in this.

I don't know if this is interesting.

I'll drop it after this.

But our offices were in a fiber optic cable factory that closed down a few years back.

And

they turned the plant

where they rented into movie studios and they shot the entirety of Black Panther there.

So it was like a lot of high-level shits going down there.

What do you mean, reshoots?

No, the whole movie.

I know that's fashionable.

No, the first one.

So they were still filming it while they were there.

No, no, no, no, no.

It's just like everything shoots down there now, is what I'm saying.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, there was like

there were so many movies like

I was gonna say, what did they have to shoot in Atlanta?

That was like, felt like it was all over the world.

It was like such an exotic movie.

Apparently, the whole fucking movie was Atlanta.

Atlanta looks like everything.

Oh, yeah.

That's what they got going on.

Yeah, they had.

How's it traffic down here?

I heard it's a monster.

Everybody kept saying that, but no.

For Staten Island guy, I was like, this is fucking awesome.

I mean, it's an Q's back we're giving weather and traffic reports from Atlanta.

Everything's 15 minutes away from everything else in Atlanta.

It's like a really cool town.

I liked it a lot.

It was good.

I have the information, Walt, that you were seeking.

Muslims, yes, they will pray to Allah for things.

They will.

They will ask for things.

Do they

need a red?

Okay, So, Muslims do prayers five times a day, and you can say the same thing for those prayers.

Outside of that, you can pray for stuff however and whenever you want.

So, I guess they have their strict five times a day prayer, and then outside of that, you know, it's like free time.

Well, let's rally the Muslim

to pray for that aunt who's sick right now with lymphona,

right?

Close, and

we'll see if we can't get this licked.

All right.

We've got every religion plus the skull going.

I mean, what else do you want from us?

Plus, I give you a shout-out for Christ's sake, Jeffrey.

Hey, Walt here.

Had to take a quick ad break.

I'm here with Gidem Steve Dave, and we want to talk to you real quickly about Miundis.

Gidem,

I imagine it doesn't take a 148 IQ to realize and know that the best underwear on the market is Miundis, correct?

Oh, that's the underwear I'm currently wearing right now, actually, is Miondi's.

Can you give the listeners a little bit of

lay some knowledge on them from a man with your Miyondi's expertise and 148 IQ, please?

Okay.

Well, what do you want to know?

I mean,

well, everything that was required, at least.

That's.

Oh, my God.

What's with the delay?

Well, I'm trying.

If you want me to read all this, just go right into it.

Oh, you could have sent it to me, but no, I want you to read it off here.

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And I have to admit, when you don't wear your Miundis, the few times you don't, I see you picking your undies out of your crotch.

Yeah.

But when you're wearing your Miundis, I never see you picking it out.

That's because of the patent diamond pouch technology.

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Color me, stupid.

Well, no, I'm not going to say that out loud.

And you gave me a nice pair of Miyundi's socks for my birthday.

Birthday, yeah.

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The only thing that was confusing was they both had L's on them, so I can't figure out if they gave me two left feet.

Those were from the Miyundi's remainder pile.

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Terms and conditions apply, Giddam.

Oh, I didn't see that on there.

It's not there.

It's not there?

Okay, so take it from Gidem, Steve, Dave.

148.

148, as we like to call him around here at the Stash.

Only an imbecile

would not wear meundies.

Like Johnson?

Walt, I don't even have to ask you.

But Q, you don't like sushi either.

I do sushi.

I thought so.

So it's highly likely you're going, you're not, that you would try, highly unlikely you would try fish sperm, right?

Well,

I'm not talking a Vogoda from the 70s hit of fish.

Barney milk.

Yeah, the unusual food item, shirico, has long been a delicacy, but is recently only making its mark in the U.S.

by popping up on restaurant menus.

So fish have penises?

I guess so, right?

How else would they have a kid?

Like a baby fish.

I thought maybe they

have just eggs that get fertilized.

Yeah, you got to fertilize it somehow.

Big old fish cock?

Yeah, because you see like a whale, like a whale with a big dog.

But I wouldn't think I'd never seen a goldfish with a dick.

Nah, it's little.

It's probably all little.

And what are you, checking under the hood of a fucking goldfish?

When did you see a goldfish?

I had, I mean, that's the only fish I'm going to have any contact with.

I had about six or seven goldfish growing up, and I never saw a dong.

They were all girls.

That's, you know, that's a good point.

I never even thought about it.

I told my mother I wanted a boyfriend, though.

Yeah, a nice big shlong on him.

All gold and shiny.

Did you ever see you ever see Bad Grandpa?

Yeah.

In the closing credits, I don't know why they didn't use it in the movie, but they were using footage, but he was fishing on a golf course.

You know, and it's sitting in camera and he pulled he reels in a fish, and it's a fucking giant carp with a a huge cock on it, and he pulls it in, and people just watch them fight with it.

And the fucking carp cocks hitting him in the face.

It's so funny, man.

I don't understand.

He gets treated well.

I bet you they give him breakfast.

De Niro?

No, Johnny Knoxville.

Johnny Knoxville.

Oh, bad grandpa.

I was thinking of dirty grandpa.

No, bad grandpa.

Oh, Knoxville?

Yeah.

He deserves it, though, man.

That dude fucking.

So this shit is a sperm.

Is this an ejaculated sperm, or is it that they go in and take the sperm out

on

what's it called?

You know,

like out of his

take it out with like with like utensils, or do they manually ejaculate the sperm onto your plate?

They don't say that in this article.

It's us magazine, so I don't know how in-depth they're going to get.

Yeah, like the fish is laying on his back all spent and shit.

They're saying eating some people are saying that eating like fish eggs caviar is like pretty much the same thing, but I feel like it's not.

It's a little gayer, is what you're getting?

A little bit gayer, yeah.

It's a little bit gay to eat fish, but any kind of sperm.

It's called milt.

Milt is a seminal fluid of fish, mollusks, and certain other water-dwelling animals.

Can you imagine?

It's like, isn't there enough to eat in the world right now?

Isn't there enough that you're like, I mean, they make pizza still, right?

What else?

Yeah, like, what am I doing?

100% of the time, somebody's like, you want pizza or a glass of fish cum?

But what if it was a mermaid's cum, Q?

It was a female ejaculation.

Oh, she

was a hot mermaid.

We talked about it.

A mermaid squirted all over.

If you consider that your

Arielle?

I mean, I think she's 14 in that.

Fire bush.

Fire crutch.

Well, no, no, it's not Ariel, but some of the things.

The mermaids were known to be quite beautiful, though.

Is there a statue of limitations for

a mermaid?

I don't think she's considered a human.

But you're going to get busted either way.

And you would be be committing BCL.

You know,

I mean, come on, man.

Milter Soft Row also refers to the male genitalia of fish when they contain sperm, so you can maybe eat a fish cook.

Wow,

and who's like,

yeah, Daryl Hannigan?

Yeah, she looked great.

Does she still make movies?

I don't know.

I think she's real into some cause, like the environment or something.

I can't remember what she's into.

Or did Hollywood leave her behind her?

I think maybe Hollywood may have left her.

Oh, man.

I don't know why.

Why?

Why'd they leave her?

Yeah.

You know what?

She could be working.

All the time, I'm like, wow, you haven't seen that person in a while.

And then you look at their IMDB and they're in tons of shit.

She's 57.

That's why.

She still looks good, though.

Yeah, it looks like she got a little work done.

I wish ladies wouldn't get work done.

Me too.

You got the real mermaid.

It always makes her eyes look weird.

So would.

Well, she's in Netflix series Since 8.

Would Q

eat

mermaid ejaculation.

Daryl Hanna mermaid?

Yes.

You're really stuck on this, Daryl Hanna mermaid.

I mean, yeah.

Maybe.

I mean, wait, are they just pouring it in a glass and I'm drinking it?

Because then no.

Well, you want to be

straight from the chat?

That gets.

Well, am I the Tom Hans in this situation where I'm getting a fucking milk in myself?

Yeah, I'd be down for that.

Two Qs in the middle.

2018.

Two Q's.

Zoom.

Into species?

I mean, sure.

Well, you want to know what it would taste like, though, right?

It tastes like Daryl Hannah.

Hot oil.

Salty.

Yeah, salty and viscous.

Yeah.

Daryl Hanna.

Oh,

she's dating Neil Young now?

Well, that explains this thing.

He's got to be like, what?

80?

70, right?

Neil Young is

72.

He has got that dude.

It's old.

Whoa, he's in that mermaid?

Yeah, she's in a lot of stuff.

Papa, the slider, the American Connection, Sicilian Vampires, and a whole bunch of shit.

She has autism.

Some of which.

Yeah, that's what it says.

She has autism?

Yeah, you're in good company, Walt.

Fuck, dude.

When she was a child, medical professionals recommended that she be institutionalized and medicated, according to Wikipedia.

Hmm.

So the way Genem looks is not

a symptom of autism?

Oh, shit.

I always always thought it was.

I was giving them a pass.

The IHOP name change, Walt?

What do you think?

Are you an I-HOP guy?

You've never really mentioned I-Hop.

No, but I was pretty, I was telling my kid because

she was poo-pooing it.

Oh, yeah.

Saying that it was like, you know,

because I was saying, like, I saw a lot of trolls.

I saw a lot of people like...

like haters?

Yeah, a lot of haters like going after

IHOP and being kind of cruel and trying to make, get, you know, trying to make them sound themselves sound so like funny at the expense of like, still not relevant.

There's no worse person than the person who mocks a corporation.

I can't take it.

They're just such jerks.

If you're trolling a corporation online, I've got no respect for you.

But I told her, I was like, you know, it's not, they're trying, though.

Like, somebody's trying.

They're trying to make a difference.

They're trying to get the attention,

which they did.

Oh, they definitely.

There's got to be people who got to hate on them for it.

It just really annoys me.

Isn't it just a temporary thing, though?

I thought it was like they're just doing

a promotion.

I can't tell if it's a promotion or

they're like going to pull it back after they introduce their burgers and stuff, which I got to say, I saw online, I was like, they don't look that bad.

Now, you can see a Burger King commercial and be like, that doesn't look bad either.

And then it tastes like shit.

You know, I'm sorry, I apologize to Burger King for us.

I was saying something mean about you.

I'm just sick of the internet just always trying to tear people down or things down just for trying.

I hate that.

That really bugs me.

I went on a whole tirade about it at home, and hopefully

I banged it into their heads.

I was just like, don't be like those people.

You may not like IHOP, and you may not care, but don't go online and take them a down, try to take them down a peg for trying.

What the fuck has been going on?

I don't know.

Since I've been gone, I don't know.

It's like, it's the only way I can make a living is doing shit like that.

Really, it doesn't matter.

I'll take people down a peg.

You know what bothered me about

it is adding B to everything.

I was like, I don't see it as particularly clever, but they're really hammering.

Did you see Burger King actually changed their

Twitter thing to Pancake King?

Yeah, again.

You don't respect that?

I don't like it.

I mean, you like it.

Who don't like it?

In my day.

I just didn't feel it.

I just felt it was petty.

I feel it's like

they're like number 15 on the chain line, you know?

Like if we don't go to IHOB, we're out.

We're fucking out of the game.

Let them fucking try at least before you're just trying to

just belittle it.

Well, people don't like

New Coke.

Like, people don't like when you fuck with something that they've come to.

Are the pancakes still available?

I believe so.

Is everything taste exactly the same as it was the day before?

Just as IHOPS.

Just as shitty, yes.

Then why is it like it's just as greasy?

It's just a reason.

There's certain things that I think that the internet and people who

frequent it, they know there's no goes.

But then there's some things that are safe, so they take all their anger out on a defenseless restaurant chain.

Right.

You're like, go make fun of them on Iron Style.

You got some balls on you?

All right.

There's certain things you can't make fun of, and you can't even attack or criticize even a little bit.

But you can bare your fangs and take a chunk out of fucking IHOPS backside, and people will applaud you for it.

They're right.

I don't think you know IHOPs.

I'm wrong, but I don't like it.

Do you understand that?

You're awfully defensive.

It's not IHOP.

IHOP.

I was trying to teach my kids a lesson, and

they were just.

Did they agree or disagree?

We had long

texts back and forth about it.

Q's HR meeting seemed like nothing compared to this six-hour lecture.

Because I was saying, I was reading some of the things off to my daughter, and she was like,

They're funny.

Who cares?

And I was just like,

And you're serious.

I was serious.

I'm not fooling around because I'm like, I don't like that when people, because it was a successful marketing campaign.

It was beyond successful.

But the internet is still trying to play it off as if it's

as if it was a joke or if it was like, you know, like

try again, asshole, that kind of attitude.

Like, you still suck.

I'll still never eat there.

Well, okay, you'll still never eat there.

So, why are you going to take a shot at them, though, for?

Applaud them for having a great marketing campaign.

We should pay that marketing campaign to fucking do something for TSD.

TSP.

What does it stand for?

Hold on, let me back up here.

We don't want anybody to know.

TSP.

Oh, and then we'll eventually

as part of TSD Cinco de Mayo.

Cinco de TSD Mayo.

We'll announce it at the end of TSD is Cinco de Mayo.

Okay, so at the end of.

Scrambled,

now we've got to just go through the dictionary and be like, it would be a good PYP.

A podcast?

I mean,

tell them Steve Podcast.

Well,

that's what all this was about.

He had this idea prior to God, so his daughters are shitting on IHOP.

I said, what if they shit on me?

After our name change, TES

ever trying to rebrand.

you know that somebody somebody actually accused me of stealing TSD Cinco de Mayo or us I should say well we did I mean from Mexico Cinco Day TM

I say it backwards all the time too I'm gonna Cinco TESIDS out loud okay

um

wow yeah somebody

stole it um so an email I got an email and bra you read this email.

How outrageous is this?

Okay.

Did you get it?

Oh, no.

I thought you were going to hand me your fucking phone.

Oh, my God.

This is long.

Holy shit.

Just read the first bit of the accusation.

Okay, so it says thief accusations.

Whoa.

Cole.

That was my title of my notes.

Email sent in.

Okay.

You give the guy's name, too.

Michael Blue.

Yeah.

All right, Michael Blue.

Let's see what you got.

So it's been close to two months since I've listened to Tell him Steve Dave, and I noticed how you took my idea for

TES Jeopard D, didn't respond to me about it, and then formatted it to something else called Cinco

TESD Mayo.

Why?

You're not half as successful as the top 20 podcasts out there, yet you're the only podcast that tries to sell and charge people to listen.

Well, that's not true.

Well, stay tuned.

Has anyone heard Smodcast?

Now you're hacks ripping people's ideas off.

The show has become nothing but three middle-aged out-of-touch hacks.

I thought that's what we started as.

Looking for new bullshit to sell.

Well, you know that to keep going, but there's the accusation right there.

Yeah, let me keep hearing it.

It's not that much longer.

Anyway, once again, I'd like to congratulate you on taking my idea and using it for something else and not giving any credit.

Then again, it seems typical and par for the course

for something that you and the other two, we're not even named Q, would do.

I think maybe he's talking about Giddam and Main or something.

Yeah, We're middle-aged hacks.

But

I would swear on a stack of Bibles held by Father Lance

that I have no recollection of anybody sending in an email saying TES Jeopardy.

And it certainly was not an influence on coming up with TSD, Cinco de Mayo, or whatever.

TES Jeopardy.

You're refuting these charges.

But what does one have to do with the other?

On the same thing.

Yeah, I would imagine the Jeopardy thing would be like question type shit.

Like basically Jeopardy.

Well, I guess he was saying I saw the D.

Cinco de TSTB.

Oh, wow, yeah.

Like, no one else would have ever thought of that.

You fucking idiot.

And then Walt goes on, wow, this is pretty long.

You don't need to write.

Oh, my God, there's two responses.

Yeah, he wrote back to my response.

Still angry?

Did you calm him down or was he still?

No, I actually didn't calm him down.

I poured gasoline on this one.

Most of the time, I try to diffuse.

Yeah.

No matter all situations of my life.

All right.

That's what I'm a diffuser.

But not this time.

Not this time, though.

I was because

it was an accusation that was

a false accusation.

How can I diffuse that?

I've got my name to.

I'm reading Walt's response.

It's pretty funny.

By the way,

being half as successful as the top 10 podcasts.

That would be awesome.

I wish we weren't.

That would be pretty fucking awesome.

Yeah, but then to Walt, he's like, you're absolutely delusional if you think shilling your podcast and getting Homers, he's paying talking about all you good people, to pay for it makes you top twenty.

Homos?

Homers.

Yeah, I guess Homer's like a dunceadope.

No, it's like the it could be Homer Simpson.

I thought he meant like the guys who just root for you.

Oh.

You are literally the equivalent to whatever a pod evangelist would encompass.

You are the Joelstein, the Benny Hinn, and Jim Baker podcast, mixed with a sprinkle of Amy Schumer from the creativity that you steal.

I don't even know what the fuck he's talking about.

It doesn't make sense.

I'd like a good insult, but this, I'm not even tracking any of this.

Any wonderful ingenious ideas, please send them.

Okay, so Walt, you're saying

send his ideas to one of the top 20 podcasts.

Yeah.

It's like, don't ever email me again.

Send all your great

wonderful, ingenious ideas to the top 20 podcasts.

Send it to the fucking nerdist.

I'm sure you'll be hired on the spot.

Yeah.

A genius.

He was like, Jeopardy.

I mean, come on.

For years, I've been using some form or another.

Just go away, Michael Blue.

Idiot.

Go eat some fish sperm.

But I will say this.

I did steal.

If we're going to go with TESP, that was definitely it.

We have to acknowledge that was stolen from my hob.

Yeah.

Well, how about, no, I like TESP, like, like, well,

like extrasensory perception.

How do we play off that overkill stuff, right?

Come up with an acronym.

All right.

Maybe if we just have listeners send it in, and then we won't give them credit.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Ideas.

You want the P stand for?

What do you want the P to stand for?

So, what we've been alluding to, Q, the day has come.

Comic Book Man has not been renewed.

They said

everyone on Walking Dead was jealous of how handsome and funny we were.

That's why Andrew Lincoln's leaving.

They sort of got a boycott together.

Now, yeah, the.

So we could start trashing AMC?

Because.

Start.

I've been doing it ever since I found out.

Okay, good.

No, they were really nice to us.

Like,

one of the top execs called us and.

Oh, you got a phone call?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, wow.

And talked to him for a little bit.

And it seemed like they were very...

Creatively, they're like, we really want to do it.

Financially,

can't do it.

I don't understand how that's possible.

I don't know.

There were a couple people there that were like, they still

would have made money, but I don't know.

After that long, maybe they just need to sort of shake things up a bit.

I know Walking Dead is not what it once was, so we sort of rose and fall on their success, rose and fell on their success, right?

Yeah, but they might be coming for a big for a big comeback now that they're making Darrow the lead on the show.

Well, if they want to come back, they have to get different writers.

People are just tired of the writing, Walking Dead, Walking Dead, yeah.

I'm tired of it.

It's nigh unwatchable over and over and over.

Yeah, it's good characters, but man, like good actors, good characters.

You're like, like, what the fuck is that?

Plus, they're probably bracing for

this lawsuit from Darabount, Gail Enherd, and

Kirkman.

They're on their way.

Yep.

So if you loved comic book men,

suck it, yeah.

Suck it.

I don't know what to tell you.

Well, actually, the mics were on before when we brainstormed an unofficial sequel?

Yeah, we're actually.

Well.

Kevin has the ability to continue to make the show, so I know they're shopping it around, but

as a sort of an emergency measure,

we're going to do a little something.

Right.

Like Deadwood never got a series finale.

Right.

We kind of brainstormed the good idea for a.

Right.

And as long as one of us doesn't pull a powers booth and die before we do it.

It's like the Frasier to Comic Book Men's Cheers.

That's what we were talking about before.

Yeah.

So

we'll be working on that.

But yeah, the show, which quite honestly hardly ever aired.

I mean, it aired once or twice in its original run, and then you didn't see it again unless you were like, sure, I want to fucking own it for $40 on it.

No, it hasn't been in the year.

It would air like at crazy late hours.

1.03 in the morning.

Well, can I ask how you guys feel about this?

What are your feelings on the non-renewal of Comic Book Brand?

Are you more upset about that or people taking shots at iHob?

Well,

the

news is it's not new.

So

we've had this, we knew it for a while now.

Initially, you hear it, you feel that little bit of like, oh,

you know, that you've been fired, basically.

So it's always a little tough for anybody who gets fired.

Yeah.

Usually,

awesome.

You're not wanted anymore.

That's really...

You've outlived your usefulness.

Yeah, and so there's that initial feeling of like

you are a little bit like stunned, I guess, because you're like, wow, I didn't see it coming.

I thought we were definitely not.

Not this time around.

But now, as the weeks have rolled on,

definitely don't have any feelings of

you know

I'll be on a little bit of a little just this twinge of relief that I don't that it's not starting up again because it is kind of like stressful a bit not as much as it used to be now that everyone's my friend but there were there is still a bit of like I just as a the kind of character I am like the kind of personality I have, I would definitely get little twinges of tension and stress.

So I know now I don't have to deal with that, you know, this summer.

Not that it was bad, but there was slight pangs of it.

Well, people are in your house, you know, like the store is not the same over those couple months.

You know, and I don't want to paint, like, I just feel I'm a bit more stressful person than

some other people are.

And

I don't like having having that stress, but I'll miss a lot of the other things.

I'll miss more than I

just say the money.

We all know it's the money.

Yeah, you'll miss the money.

But I'm telling you, I mean, there's guys that we're not going to see probably ever again in our lives.

Why not like who?

Point to someone who you think you'll never see.

I might not ever see Jeremy again.

I might not ever see

Rags.

I might not ever see.

You don't think we'll have like a reunion once a year just to get together.

Everyone just come together?

I'm going to go see JB.

We're supposed to go to a hockey game next year.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, we already made the date.

2019.

2019, we're going to hockey game.

Okay.

Just me.

Just me and JB.

Just you and JB?

What is your new number, by the way?

Because you haven't given it to me yet.

What about you?

I mean, your feelings?

I was like, holy shit, I can't believe it didn't come back because of a couple things along the way that really pointed towards it coming back.

So it was like, oh, shit, really?

Like Kevin told us.

It's coming back.

No, Kevin.

Well, the things that he took, like, he went to the upfronts a couple times, so it seemed like

with that, you know, like, why have them there?

And he said there was promotional material for Comic Book Men Up.

It's so weird.

Yeah, it's strange.

I was wondering if it was like a zero hour thing.

Story behind the scenes.

That's what I was thinking, too.

Because they always wait a while before they tell us.

And this time

they

when was it?

Like probably sometime in May, right?

Like

mid to like mid-May.

So but like by mid-May, you're like, no.

I know.

Like even Michelle, the showrunner, showrunner he had a meeting with one of the executives.

I know we'll see Nichelle again.

See Nichelle again, yeah, for sure.

Would you be super pissed if you found out the only reason I got canceled is because Kevin asked for a huge bump?

And they were like, no, we can't.

We can meet you halfway, but we can't.

And he was like, no, I won't.

It's all or nothing.

It's all or nothing.

I can't see him doing it.

This dude would do it for free.

I know.

I know he didn't do it.

I'm saying, what if it leaked out that that's the reason it didn't come back?

Because Kevin just wanted like a 200% raise.

I would be like, why don't you just tell us?

And I'd be like, once they said no, why were you like, well, go fuck yourselves then?

Because now everybody's out of a job, you fucking Roseanne motherfuckers.

Because if I'm back down now, then they're fucking no next negotiations.

And they win.

Yeah.

I'm like, that's it.

Yeah, it takes a second.

I'm like, well, wait.

So who won here?

Yeah.

Not you.

I mean, I won.

I told Kevin I was like, the thing that was disappointing, I felt like I was good at it.

And I don't really feel that way about really any job I've ever had.

Normally, I'm pretty shitty at the jobs I do.

But that one I thought I was pretty good at.

So it going away.

Now I'm like, all right, I just got to figure out something else to.

Well, I would say, because this happened while I was

away, and then the news came in, and then you guys have been in a flurry of activity since I've been gone.

Making plans.

Yeah, we should do it.

Recording stuff, shooting stuff.

Life goes on.

Apparently, without me, too i every time i talked to him he was like we're doing this today we're doing that today we're up at frank fox mother's house

well though though well that was just to keep the to keep the show relevant to try to keep you know if we didn't want to go dark or silent no for six weeks even though i in the past if you weren't here i was always like i didn't want to do it fuck it yeah i was like i mean to me i would rather do it not do it than not have you here sure i that to me was always my first preference but even i I realized, well, I don't know if we can go two months without doing it and then come back with this news.

I know I couldn't.

I would definitely don't make no make

no if, ands, or buts.

I mean, I think in the past I've shown it.

I always would be like, well, if Q's not doing it, let's just wait till Q's back.

Yeah.

So what we what we sort of have decided on, the three of us, is that, and this is why we're shooting stuff, video and audio and all kinds of extra content, is we're going to go the Patreon route.

Hey, it's Bri, with a quick announcement.

Let me just interject here.

The URL for that will be Patreon/slash Tellum Steve Dave.

And you'll notice that when you go to the page, some of the tiers have changed, dropped some of the prices, that kind of stuff.

So, Patreon/slash tellem Steve Dave.

Now, on with the show.

You hear the collective jaws just hit the ground as well.

Yeah.

All the listeners are like, oh.

But it's not, right?

It's not a bad thing because.

Oh, you're saying bad.

You're saying that they think it's a bad one.

Well, I'm sure they're scared right now.

That's why you got they're on a ledge right now.

Okay.

So it's your job.

Step back.

Right.

It's your job to take talk them off the ledge right now because we're not charging for telemetry, David.

I think SmodFan could be.

SmodFan has one foot off the ledge and the other on a banana peel.

Hold on, SmodFan.

SmodFan.

Smod fan, no!

Smod fan, please.

Wait.

That would be a bit like, what's the if someone didn't listen past like we're gonna do Patreon and immediately killed themselves?

What's our level of responsibility?

None.

Okay, that's too crazy.

They're mentally ill and we cannot be held responsible for their actions.

So the podcast is free.

It's exactly the same.

Nothing changes with that.

Tell them, Steve, they, but what episode is this?

37.

378, I think.

This is 378.

So 379, 380, 381, and

however long it goes on, will always remain

free and

awesome.

Well, as awesome as it can be to,

you know, hopefully some other people will send in ideas like TUSD Jeopardy and we'll just keep coasting off that.

Here's where you've got to start laying it out

exactly what to expect

if you're interested in going to our Patreon.

Well, we'll send them to the page

because it's going to be like go to.

Why don't you just say go to our website and

we'll announce it.

That'll be the front page, big, gigantic news about

where to go to join up.

Oh, we could get like a spinning newspaper.

Yeah.

Headline.

Yeah.

So if you go

to tellhemstevedave.com.

Yeah, the information will be there on the front page.

Essentially, yeah, there'll be a bunch of different tiers, and

the lower tier, you're getting

a whole bunch of stuff.

The lowest tier, what's the best?

A whole bunch of good stuff.

I think it's five bucks.

Yeah.

So listen, you're getting.

Listen to what's five bucks a month.

Is that what it is?

A dollar twenty-five a week.

A dollar twenty-five a week.

I mean, I know

all of us are boycotting Starbucks currently, right?

I was going to say, the price of a cup of coffee.

And you won't be smelling piss wherever you go.

Wait.

While you're listening to, or going to our patriotic, we're kind of in Starbucks for two different reasons.

I say, oh.

No, that makes sense.

Is there a Starbucks in Red Lake?

Right across the street.

Yeah, right across the street.

We go there all the time.

See, I've even wiped it from my memory.

Oh, that's a they have good iced tea there, though.

So

are you

letting your

taste buds trump you?

I have not been in a Starbucks in at least a month.

Because of the

shitty behavior of Starbucks as an organization.

Sure.

Nice.

Yeah.

I like that.

I've held to that.

So, okay, so $5, here's what it's going to get you, Q.

24-hour early access to a regular episode.

You want to cut that out right away?

I would not.

I'm not happy about that.

They suggested that, but I'm like, but then that kind of punishes.

I feel like it's hard to do.

No, 24 hours isn't hard to do.

It isn't?

No, because what would happen is

you don't know whenever it's going to be, though.

But it doesn't matter.

It's just you give it to Patreon, and then 24 hours later.

I feel like that's punishing listeners.

I agree.

All right, strike it.

You're not getting that shit.

Sorry.

Yeah, fuck that.

There's a lot of listeners who aren't going to be able to do this.

We cannot in any way punish.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I agree with that.

When I saw

in the Patreon guy, I was like, yeah, because everybody does it.

But I'm like, I don't know.

We ain't everybody.

We ain't everybody.

Fuck you.

We're not a top 20 podcast.

We don't have to follow the top 20 podcasts.

Yeah, we don't answer to them.

Okay, so that's out.

Sorry.

You're not going to get that.

But the good thing, I'm telling you, Q, before everybody reads them, I'm committed

to providing more than $1.25 worth of entertainment to a listener.

Per week.

Per week.

I'm committed to really trying and really

putting thought and effort.

So when a listener gets that bill at the end of the month and they sees on their credit card that $4.99, they don't contest it.

They're like,

that was the best $4.95 I spent this month.

It's $5.

Don't give people false hopes.

All right.

That was the best $5 I spent this month.

That is my goal, and

I'm working towards that.

And I put

a lot of thought into this.

So

listen to what they're going to get.

Okay.

Okay.

So

you're going to get access to all the bonus pods, all right?

Now that's anything that's on Bandcamp right now.

Even the Christmas episode queue.

But

what's more generous and in the Christmas spirit?

The Christmas episode.

Well, the old Christmas episodes.

Right.

And the new one, too.

And the new ones.

And the new ones.

Well, they got to go to the foreseeable future.

You got to give a little.

Yeah.

To get a lot.

We're not going to get a lot.

Well,

we already said no 24-hour early access.

So that's one of the things.

And for the people that have already bought them, I know this sucks.

Yeah, you know what?

I don't think there's any listeners out there who don't have all this stuff already, anyway.

So I don't think that's it.

And if you don't, you should be fucking ashamed of yourself.

Right.

Okay.

You know?

But that's audio only, not the videos, right?

That's not the videos.

Okay.

Okay.

So if it's in the room, it's still behind a fire.

You still have to pay for that piece.

Does that make you feel better?

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't mind.

I don't mind the Christmas.

Yeah, I don't mind

the bonus pods being part of it.

I think that's great.

I think the more value you give everybody who's supporting us, the better.

But there's something so special about that Christmas episode.

I just hope we don't lose something in that.

Well, you're going to, if you don't, it'll still be for sale.

But if you're, if you're

at this level, yeah.

No, I don't even mean financially.

I mean, like,

there's something, I guess, I guess it's always such an event.

I feel like every year builds to it.

I just don't want to lose that specialness.

I won't let it happen, Q.

Okay.

I'm going to just pump you up with so much Christmas

Christmas content.

Not on the show, I mean, like leading up to it, like tweet little texts, little special texts.

Okay.

Like, we'll do like the just meet just between me and you.

Yeah.

Like a 12 days of Christmas.

Really?

Yeah, I'll send you two.

So not even a group text then.

I don't think you need it.

He's ready to cool.

It's all I have.

It's really all I have.

I'm trying to get a lot of people.

He's not on a fucking show.

Him and Smod Fanner are like Dylan and Louise.

Okay, all right, all right, all right, all right.

But you know what?

I don't think

these things that Brian's mentioning right now, no one is going to go do this for those things.

It's the things he's about to review.

Okay, got it.

Those are the,

those are, those are the, that's the engine that's going to

fuel this call.

You're going to pay your mortgage.

Yeah, it's like, suddenly I don't have a job.

You know, like, that's a lot of income to make up.

I got a fucking kid to support.

So if I can do this and give people stuff that they want, access to

all bonus pods.

And even the new Christmas bonus pod, it's going to be in there if you're a Patreon member.

Right.

So you're going to, right off the bat, I mean, you pay for one month right there,

you're going to get so much value out of that.

Just out of that one, right?

It's like, I think I did the calculations.

It was like 35 hours of

audio.

But these guys probably have it all anyway.

Okay.

One bonus episode per week, okay?

That's not necessarily us.

We have a couple different shows that

we've

cultivated.

The

all-new Sunday Jeff Show.

Wow.

This is the one that I put a lot of effort in, and I feel.

I thought of a new segment for it today, too.

Oh, nice.

I am kind of like producing it and shaping it as we go along.

It's the Sunday Chef show that I want to hear.

Not that.

No one else wants to hear it.

But I feel that if it's the show I want to hear, other people want to hear it.

I agree with that.

The concept is, cute.

Get this.

It's a podcast hosted by a man who should not be near a mic.

Okay.

He has none of the charisma.

Unless he's standing in water and grabbing it.

He doesn't have any of the tools or the skills necessary to host a podcast.

Right.

No charisma.

But that is the hook.

No inflection.

No.

That's the shtick of the whole podcast.

And does he have guests?

He has a co-host.

Oh, boy.

He has I'm on it.

I'm on there.

Brian's on there.

And we're helping him

wade through.

And that's the whole thing.

He doesn't even realize.

I hope he doesn't listen to this.

He doesn't realize that he's so ill-suited to be running this podcast.

But the fucking funny thing is, he thinks he does.

He thinks he's good at it.

All right.

I'm not so sure that.

If you hear the first episode where Walt repeatedly chides him for fucking up the beginning,

it's pretty great.

It's like a combination of Tell Him Steve Dave and the Truman Show.

I love it.

I love it.

Okay, all right.

That's what I'm excited about because

my fingerprints are all over this one.

And

Wade, I don't want to give away too much because Wady here, who's co-hosting.

Okay.

And

it's like

we're learning as we go, but boy, I think it's going to be something special.

And then there's going to be all-new Sunday Jeff Show.

Did you say something?

The all-new Sunday Jeff Show.

Okay, so but that's not going to be the bonus pot every week.

No.

No, it's rotating weeks.

So it's once a month you get to hear the all-new Sunday Jeff Show.

What are the other shows that they can hear?

A celebrated return,

something that people have been asking about for years now.

The all-new.

Oh, no, just with the new.

The new,

no, all-the new puck-nuts.

Oh, yes.

Which are the old pucknuts?

But just with new episodes.

Just with new episodes.

Okay.

Desperate times called for desperate measures.

We called the old team up.

Michael Blue only gave us the Jeopardy idea.

He gave us nothing else, so we got to go back to the well.

I called Bing up, and I was like, hey, I know.

Hey, what's up?

I know that you're feeling down right now about the cancellation of Comic Bookman,

but you know what we can do now that we have more time than ever before?

Bring back pop nuts.

I thought I heard him crying on the other end.

Really?

Tears of joy or tears of like, oh my God, it got so bad so quickly.

How is he taking it?

Have you guys?

I would say shit.

That first day when he, the very first time I saw him, was only like a day afterwards.

I don't, you weren't here.

He looked a little shaken.

He was dejected?

Yeah.

He looked a little shaken.

The most dejected I've seen him in quite some time.

Seemed like everyone was dejected.

Like on the group text, where we were talking, me, Walt, Kev, Mike, and Ming, I wrote, that sucks.

I had a great job about, I mean, I had a great joke about Mike paying for Ming surgery to become an X-Men, and no one even responded to me.

They were in their lowest point.

Yeah, I was trying to cheer him up with some transgender humor, and nobody did.

You must have been really down.

No, it's not.

It's too early.

Walt was like, it's not the time.

Like, I was somehow like

poor form.

I'm like, well, what the fuck?

Life's too soon.

Too soon, Brian.

So is his picture prices plummeting at Conn's from zero?

Well, no one knows.

Which he charges.

Yeah, people are just finding out.

The public doesn't know yet.

So we're probably, yeah, he's racing for the inevitable crash of his.

Really?

What does it fucking matter if the show's on or not?

No one fucking even saw it.

So people are like, oh, he's on a show.

So I guess I'll get his picture.

Well, he owns a combo shop now, right?

He owns a

podcast studio.

Podcast studio.

Right.

He's doing fine.

He's got a hat.

And Pucknuts are back.

And the Pucknuts are back.

And he's leading it.

It's like,

I think he really needed it.

I think now more than ever, I think he needed it more than anybody to have Pucknuts back to kind of take the sting away.

So it was cool to see him get excited.

And he texted me immediately when I said, I want to bring Pucknuts back for this.

And he was like, I'm in.

Usually, he doesn't answer me immediately, but this one is immediate.

Good.

And for those people, because

when I had went for Patreon, I had to go and do all the analytics and all that shit.

I had to go and find all that stuff.

Pucknuts is the least downloaded bonus pod.

Okay.

When they get all this bonus stuff,

that's something you should listen to because if you think it's just about hockey and sports, you're wrong.

Yeah, I know.

One episode we talked about a train car filled with shit.

Another one we talked about shopping at Chess King back in the 80s.

Yeah, you seem to want to distance yourself from sports talk.

I don't know why.

Because nobody gives a fuck about it.

I think that's huge.

I think there's a whole all sorts of ants are into sports.

There are.

I know some people who are into sports and they may listen to it, but I think

the audience at large is probably like, all right, well, it's just another sports

show.

It's another sports show, but in the flavor of, I don't want to say TSD because Q's not there, but it's got the same kind of vibe at least.

It's, you know, you know what you're getting because

Sunday Jeff's back on that one, too, so you're going to get double.

So twice a month at least.

Twice a month for Sunday Jeff action.

So there you got, so week one, the all new Sunday Jeff.

Ming and Sunday Jeff are not free.

You got to cut them in.

Oh, of course.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah.

And week two,

whatever the rotation is.

We haven't finalized the rotation, what it'll be, but

every alternating week, you're going to get a new bonus podcast that we are committed to making you go, I cannot believe this cost me a buck and a quarter.

This should be worth way more than a bucket.

I agree with that.

Yeah.

I agree.

Like, we did something last week that has like video and audio and like

a little field trip.

Is this correct?

Did you guys,

there's already something like five months' worth of material stockpiled?

Yes.

Yeah, there's a lot.

We've been stockpiling it, so

we don't have any debacles because we know we're asking a lot of the audience.

We want to make sure that there's no week where they're like, Well, I didn't get my bonus pot.

It's not going to happen.

So, the stuff that I delivered today.

Yeah, with that thing,

you know,

now that's liquid now, man.

That's fluid.

You brought something so great that

it really did.

It's really great.

Some video for you.

But there's other video on there that you probably won't be able to use.

Okay.

We won't use for.

Because you said that, but like that episode where I'm wearing a sailor's hat.

Yeah,

I found the early on.

I had to be in the first.

You were talking about iPhones coming out.

Yeah, Brian had just the first iPhone.

You were talking about iPhones just coming out.

Everyone else had had an iPhone for years.

Apparently, one of the episodes super early on, I set up a video camera and recorded a video episode of it.

It's framed pretty good and everything.

Yeah, we all look so young and eager.

Yeah, we really, there's no gray in my hair at all.

It's two hours long.

Yeah.

Two-hour video.

Well, that's like some of the things that we could, as a Patreon member of the Telem C Vey Patreon,

you're going to get bonus video from time to time, right?

Yeah, that's on this tier as well.

Well, let me finish up the podcast.

Two weeks of the month, right?

Yeah, so that's two weeks.

Another week is going to be Space Monkeys.

The all-new Space Monkeys.

The all-new Space Monkeys, yes.

It is going to be,

is it just space monkeys or is it all-new space monkeys?

Well, it's a Hodge project.

We'll just call it Space Monkeys for now.

All right, all right.

So people don't get too nervous, like an iHod type situation, and they're like, fuck you.

Yeah, that week will be any number of things.

It could be Space Monkeys with Q ⁇ I

or maybe special guests like Joe Gatto.

It could be one of the Wye Bries that Kevin and I recorded.

There's any number of podcasts that may come up that are just going to be like sort of a...

Fall into the column of Space Monkeys.

Right.

Yeah.

It could be me just interviewing somebody.

I want to interview some fucked up people, you know,

which is why we started Space Monkey.

So we could do weird shit.

So it'll be something like that.

You're on board for this queue.

You commit it to when you can

do Space Monkeys.

Yeah.

Then the fourth week,

what was the fourth week?

Wall.

TSD Tidbits.

TSD Tidbits, where it's

unheard content with like old anthology stuff that like stuff I had cut and we didn't use, or new stuff.

When the mic's running and we don't realize it.

And we cut that shit out later.

Yeah, we take it out because this is a conversation we're having in the beginning.

Old school TSD talk.

So like, what a lineup.

It's like, must see.

For five bucks,

I'm already in.

Do you want to call it TSD tidbits?

I mean, I paid like.

Definitely.

What is it?

Who sent that to you by email?

You fucking thief.

TSD tidbits,

Space Monkeys,

Pucknuts, the all-new Sunday Jeff Show.

That's a strong lineup for $5 a month.

That's pretty good.

A dollar and a quarter a week.

I mean, I'm inundated when I watch T V with sick children and animals with traps on their feet.

And,

you know, like.

Enough of this shit.

I've had enough.

If I see one more goddamn fox caught in a snare, I'm going to lose my mind.

But, you know,

they only give you

like a bag, like a canvas bag

when you sign up to their

giving them $5 a month.

Here, you're getting pure entertainment.

Guffaws.

You're getting laugh out loud

content that.

You're getting making hay.

You're getting making hay, too.

What was the third one?

What do you mean?

What are you talking about?

Megan Hay?

Because they have the bonus pods.

Let's not forget they're getting all the bonus pods.

Those are regular episodes.

Making hay?

Oh, were they?

Yeah.

Oh, what about what didn't Ming and Mike do Megan Hay?

Oh, taking hay.

Oh, taken hay.

All right.

You're getting that.

Yeah, that was the cryptozoic pod.

You just got everyone's hopes of it.

And they're like, wait, I've heard that.

And then really fucking hammered at home with taken hay.

They're like, well, fuck that.

Yeah,

I definitely want people to be like,

I know there are some people who are like without overwhelming them.

I can't afford it, and I understand that, but if you can afford it, I want people to be like.

It was worth it.

Everybody's got those tax cuts now?

Everybody's making an additional like two grand a year?

Are they?

Sure.

That's Trump's tax cuts.

Yeah, Trump did some tax cuts.

Everybody gets them?

I don't know.

It's depending on how much you're making.

The only one who did not get a tax cut is fucking me.

My taxes went up.

Fuck you, Richie Richie.

What are you going to do?

Pay for everyone else.

I'm in the exact one lane of people that are making, fucking paying more taxes than I'm at.

Oh, God.

That's the lowest tier.

And that's not a whole quarter.

No, there's still more.

And then there'll be additional just random bonus stuff thrown up there.

The advice show I'm doing with Sage, little things that I'm doing here and there.

You never know what might pop up in it.

You're doing a phone-in advice show at Sage.

And that's in addition to the, these are, those four are, that's always going to be.

It might even come out to even less than a dollar and a quarter a week right when you factor in all the bonus stuff that may come up well it's still going to be a dollar and a quarter a week you're just going to get more for it

yeah right but it may be like i can't believe i got all that for a buck and a quarter

uh in addition to it uh in addition to that there's going to be access to monthly videos so we're going to do like behind the scenes type stuff the only thing is it's only required once a month but i think we want to do it more than i've been wanting set up that 360 camera for years now.

Like, we could just record episodes and put out like the best clips in 360.

So, they could zoom around.

We could do that, but

no, I think, no, no, we can't do that.

We're trying to help you, guys.

Absolutely.

We can do that.

I'll dress up, it says we're going to do it.

I'll dress as a baron for one episode.

There you go.

So, it's visually stunning.

You can

look at my mask instead.

I need to get me a mask on.

All right.

So, yeah, so that's on the $5.

And again, just to stress, you don't have to pay anything.

The regular episodes are coming out every week.

No, this is just if you want it.

Right.

Yeah, this is just if you can't get enough.

Yeah.

Yeah, if you've got to have it.

If you're jones and if you've got, if someone put like Spanish TSD in your drink and you fucking got that itch, you got to see it.

A little Spanish brag, especially when the fucking, when the end jokes start coming from the other episodes.

Yeah, that's what they will design it so people are like, I don't get it.

We already fucking have that podcast.

We're referencing things from episode 10.

Now we're going to do episodes that you can't even fucking hear unless you pay money for it.

So the next tier up is, this is the $10 a month one.

So you get all that other stuff.

I don't even know what's on the $10 tier.

I've been so focused on the $5 tier because I'm like,

I know most people are like, you know.

I think most people probably get the $5 one.

So I'm really interested to see what.

But you can't overload people too, is what I found out.

Because if you offer up too much and people are like, I just can't keep up.

And they feel like.

And then they see the charge at the end of the month.

They're like, well, I didn't even watch any of this or listen to any of it.

So that's our goal: to get it right in that sweet spot where you're like, this is manageable, and I enjoy it.

Okay.

What an exclusive club to be a member of.

Oh, my God.

Membership has its privileges.

Has anyone used that yet?

Can we use that?

The Friars?

The Friars Club.

It ain't that exclusive.

I've been getting hammered with fucking text to join.

Have you, really?

Jiggy asked me a couple times.

I just have to fill out their thing.

I thought I had to bring it up and hand it into them in person.

Nah, nah, you just mail it in.

Yeah, that's going to be fun.

Okay, so you get in the $10, you get everything that you got above.

You also get 15% off if you buy something at merch table.

You get...

Get out of here, really?

Yep.

Everything?

Anything, yeah.

15% off anything you buy from.

So at this point, this is paying for itself.

Yeah.

Okay.

It's a closed economy, right?

You get a monthly Tell'em Steve Dave-centric text tone that'll be sent to you.

You get a bi-weekly Pinball Twins comic book page that I've been working on with

Amy Angel Lust.

So yeah,

I've been writing and she's been drawing the Pinball Twins comic page, which I'm very happy with.

It's pretty dark.

Basically, it's my life, except written down as a kid, written down as comic.

And this is going to be sweet.

Me and you will be in Masks Walt, but you're going to be able to look at Q

once a month.

It's a 60-minute live stream.

You can submit your questions, and we'll talk about topics that, yeah.

Does that video get posted too, or is that video just

in time?

Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, if we make it entertaining, and it also doesn't have to be us just sitting there, I I don't think.

Like, if we wanted to do a live stream, like we went somewhere, like, say we went back to the auction, we went back to Collingswood for some reason, that could be our live stream where we're, you know, we're talking to people.

Okay, so then your next tier is 20.

You get all that other stuff that I just mentioned.

$20 is a $20 tier.

I can't believe it.

I did a lot of research to Patreon and...

what other people charge and

what they offer and stuff.

I feel like

we're offering a little bit more for a little bit less, and we don't have like the $1, $3 tiers where it's like, show us that you love us, give us $3 a month.

We don't have any just give us money for no reason type tiers.

And some of the higher tiers, I'm like, what the fuck are these?

These people are spending $100 a month for this?

It's crazy.

Like, what?

What's in it?

Just like...

Like, some of them are

a comic book creator, and it's like, you know, get a shout-out at the end of the comic that I draw or something like that.

Like, you know, like they'll write their name or something.

Really?

Like, I can we do that though?

Just shout out at the end of an episode?

Yeah, for $100 a month, we'll just say your name.

No, that was one of the things he suggested.

I was like, fuck no, I'm not saying people's names like that.

Do you think it would be in bad or poor taste to ask Jeffrey for $100?

Jeffrey Locke?

It's Jeffrey, the guy with.

Oh, I've already invoiced him.

Yeah.

Like, I don't know if your insurance covers this or not, bro.

Uh, but f yeah, so for the twenty, it's all that other stuff.

You're gonna get, um, any time we do, like, tell them Steve Dave does something, which I know is not that frequent, or there's like a stash event here, you can get tickets early.

I know that was a fucking big thing with the uh Funco.

Somebody fucked up on Funco day when Kevin was here, and they didn't put something on the website that, like, you needed a ticket or whatever the fuck, and then people get got here, and they're like, oh, I thought I could just come in.

So, no Funco type fuck-ups, yeah?

No, that will not happen here.

But if we do a show with the Grammarcy, they get first if you're a first crack

at the seats.

Okay.

You also get some sort of exclusive merchandise every three months.

This is going to be a smaller

thing.

This is cool to design some, like, I want to design some weird ideas out of you guys to say, like, some oddball merchandise.

Like patch club.

Right.

You know, we'll do some patches.

We talked about a couple other small items.

I'm going to do

wrist sweatbands right all like the old school ones

forty dollars a month everything above that we said and there's also an exclusive piece of merchandise which is going to be a shirt or something similar what's that what was that that was a forty dollar you get what do you get again can you say it again uh everything that that you got above and then a shirt an exclusive telling steve d shirts you gotta do the four dollars three that would be every that would every four months every four months yeah you're gonna get an exclusive shirt available nowhere else it will never be sold sold on the website.

Available nowhere else.

And with these tiers, we may add things.

We'll never subtract anything, but we may add something here and there.

This is like a sort of a preliminary thing.

The final

page will go up on Patreon.

We'll give you the URL when we have it.

That will be the at least you like, that's the least you'll get, and you'll probably get more.

But I like the idea of offering

a cool shirt that no one else will be able to get anywhere else.

Right.

That to me is also fun.

People love exclusivity.

Yes.

I mean, you feel like you're.

What makes you feel better than someone else?

You feel like family.

Yeah.

What's up, fam?

There's something about a t-shirt, too.

I was at a bar, the Claremont Lounge in Atlanta.

Sweet?

You know the Claremont as well?

Yeah.

It's like a famous.

It's where strippers go to die.

Yeah.

But it's like a celebrated

dive bar.

I mean, the night that I was there, Blondie was on the stage.

She's currently 71 years old.

Tits out.

It was fantastic.

It was fantastic.

Deborah Harry?

No, no, no, no.

That was the stripper name.

Blondie.

Blondie.

I was like, I just saw her around here recently.

She lives around.

She lives in America.

She is almost 70.

I was like, no, no.

I was Deborah Harry.

And you weren't.

That wasn't the first thing you told me.

No, yeah, I would have.

Why are you wasting my time?

No, no, no.

I was a different blondie.

The lesser-known blondie was on the stage.

Yeah.

So 71 years old.

But I bought a t-shirt from the Claremont Lounge, $25.

They wanted a ceiling of $120.

I said, that seems like way too much.

What would you even offer?

I don't know.

I don't know.

But I said we can max out at $75, and even that's going to be limited, a limited number of people.

And for that, you're going to get all the shit that you're going to get otherwise.

Every four months, you're going to get a one-of-a-kind Telum Steve Dave-centric item, possibly signed, possibly audio or video, like a personal roast, or, you know.

What if 200 people sign up?

You can't do 200.

That's why I said it's going to be limited.

You want to talk exclusive.

Right.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

So

the slots, there's only a limited number of slots?

For that tier, yeah.

Because I don't want it to be overwhelming.

Because if that's the fucking,

how many one-of-a-kinds can we find?

Did you look at the email I fucking sent it all?

I'm very unfamiliar with it.

I worked a lot hard on that thing.

Jesus Christ.

I didn't even read one bit of it, honestly.

I'm glad I'm sorry.

I'm just being honest.

So, we're telling me if there's people who want to pay yourself.

So, insincere, that apology.

Unless you can, I mean, can you come up with 200 exclusive Telem Steve Dave items every four months?

With there's that many people that want to do it, yeah, I'll be able to just like just draw a picture.

Hell yeah, I can do it for 200?

Okay, but I could just get something made.

Like, what about like 200 sweatbands?

Well, you just talked about the sweatbands at the $20 level sweat show.

I think that's all-encompassing

any kind of band.

Socks.

You guys like socks?

Yeah, don't you guys like socks?

You know how you go to Spencer's and pay $4 for them?

How about $75 a month?

Well, so I mean.

I would like Tom Steve Dev socks, though.

That would be pretty cool.

Explain it to me.

What are you seeing

at that level then?

What kind of prize are they getting for those few people who are willing to go that high?

Like I said, it would be a one-of-a-kind item that perhaps, you know, like something that.

Oh, one-of-a-kind item.

Right, yeah.

Gotcha.

Like, I, okay.

Unless I change it before we put the Patreon page.

I should have read the email.

Yeah.

Or at least a few words of it.

Or opened it.

Anything.

Any number of things.

But

go ahead.

No, I'm just asking the questions that I'm anticipating.

No.

Of course he didn't.

I knew he wouldn't.

Why am I getting

not the pass?

Because I've been working on you with it.

He's off making movies.

You're making the all-new Sunday Jeff show, guys.

I know you are.

And I know you are.

I'm making the all-new Sunday Jeff Show.

I understand you've been stretched to the limit on this.

You don't know what I'm dealing with.

The co-host is an asshole.

Right.

Oh, come on.

Don't

spoil it like that.

It's already down.

Now it's down to two people.

Fat toothless bastard.

The show was saved by me and Walt.

I'll say that much.

I actually like Sunday, Jeff.

If it wasn't called the...

Fuck it.

I listened to it.

First time I ever cut it on a podcast.

Well, actually, the first time I stood over Giddam's back, over his shoulder, and said, cut this, leave this.

I was laughing at the content, and I I was like, there's not much to cut.

Everything was really fucking funny.

We went on it, like I said, we went on a little field trip and

recorded some video and recorded some audio as Sunday Jeff interviewed someone.

And I'm sitting next to him, and he had some questions.

Everything is delivered the same.

If it wasn't called the all-new Sunday Jeff show, I would just call it flatlined.

He doesn't really sell on this to you.

No, I'm telling you.

But that's what makes it awesome.

You don't understand.

It's like, I know it sounds like you'd be like, well, who would want to listen to that?

No, I cannot say that.

I disagree.

Yeah, no, I understand why.

Like, as he's sitting there asking this guy questions, like, he started to run out, so I just started writing questions on my phone and sending them over to some each one more increasingly offensive.

And he's like,

all right.

But what were you, I know,

before Brian asked, I asked you if you read the email and you admitted you did not.

What are you going to ask him, though?

Oh, I'm just trying to get, I'm just trying to understand.

I'm trying to anticipate the questions of that the audience is going to ask.

Yes,

we need that.

So

the highest tier is $75?

Yeah.

And all we're saying is that you're getting 200 people are getting a one-of-a-kind thing every four months?

We're not saying that.

200 is not a number that I threw out.

Okay.

But what I'm saying is, like, all right, so let's just say the number is 50, just for the sake of the conversation.

Right, good.

So, but they're paying 100 bucks a month.

They're getting all the tiers below it.

Plus this.

Plus once every four months, or once a month they get an exclusive.

once every four months.

Okay.

But they're also getting other stuff that I haven't mentioned yet.

Okay.

I love that you're asking questions because you know he's going to be inundated with them on the Twitter and everything.

Yeah, I'm just trying to answer them now.

So, all right, so now I'm paying.

All right, I'm mostly coming.

I'm not a man right now.

I'm the comment.

I found myself with an extra 75 bucks in my pocket.

I want to be one of these 50 people.

I'm getting everything,

but

what's the tier below it again?

That's 40.

But what's in that tier again?

I'm sorry.

The $40 one?

Yeah.

The exclusive shirt that we're going to...

Or shirt or an item along those lines.

Okay, so they're getting all that.

They're getting that.

That's fantastic.

They're going to also get that.

And $75, they're getting that.

And now we have to give them $35 more value per month,

which is what you're laying out right now.

It's going to be worth it.

Okay.

All right, I'm listening.

Most of the questions that I anticipate on Twitter are probably going to come from at Sunday Jeff's design.

You read you a fucking email?

I don't have any questions.

I know what my responsibilities are in this.

It's the all-new Sunday Jeff show.

It's pucknuts.

That's it.

You're not telling these people listening that all of it falls on him from there?

Oh, you would not believe how fucking industrial.

Yeah, he's really got to.

No, I know that because he's been a busy bee, but I mean, his reputation on the streets is not solid.

Like I said, like I told Walt.

Like I told Walt.

Wow.

You can't judge me on

my drug days past.

Years of performance.

Yeah.

Like most of the shit that I didn't came through is.

Is that fair, though, that we shouldn't be able to judge him on his drugs?

No, it's absurd.

Of course you can.

You can slip back in a moment.

Don't do it.

Do you have any Perkinson?

Yeah, yeah.

Like, I remember

he sent me a text and he's like, don't judge me upon those days.

And I'm like, well, no, no.

I asked him, I'm like, well, why not?

No, no, no.

Why do you find that?

I didn't text it.

I asked you directly on the phone.

I was like, is it because

you find me unreliable?

And you were like, yeah.

It's true.

Yeah, it's exactly what he said.

It was a frosty call, wasn't it?

No, the texts were frostier.

The texts were frostier.

So I just called him.

I'm like, this is ridiculous.

I can't text all this shit.

So I called him.

And he was having a little mini meltdown.

His fucking panties were bunched up.

I had to unbunch them.

But no, I just wanted to reassure him that, like, no, I have to take it very seriously.

It's like, I have

a jujit to support.

And I was like, this could teeter into making clay

quickly

if we're not on top of it, which I feel we are right now because we're banking so much.

But we don't have an unknown fucking element of insanity injected in it.

You don't have a known element of insanity.

All right, but I mean,

I don't want to bring up dirty laundry.

With home drug addictions.

Called me

recently as last week

called Sunday Jeff a toy junkie me a regular junkie

but like okay

half of the half of the weekly content will definitely be delivered is going to be delivered

and I believe I believe I believe the other third TSD tidbits yeah will also be delivered okay

it's and I believe space monkeys I believe they have enough they have at least enough to carry us into 2019 with all the old content.

You guys, you guys went on the UK to get views.

Yeah, I don't know.

That $5,

that $5

tier,

it's all there.

The audio is all there.

The other stuff, I don't really think there is all that much for him to do

in terms of coordinating it.

But as far as when he's like, hey, well, what are we going to decide?

What's the shirt or what's the sweatbands?

He goes,

I feel like we'll decide, me and Brian will decide, and you will decide on the design,

and then I'll figure out how to do it.

Sure, that's fine.

It's just your return.

Yeah, this is.

It sucks at your return.

We're shilling.

No, I feel really good.

I'm in a very good mood because of this.

This is great.

I was having a rough day, as you guys know, today.

Did you forget about it for a few minutes?

I did, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But then I got sent a picture of my cat.

Yeah, Q's cat is sick.

Yeah, he's okay.

He's like a Benjamin cat.

He's getting a little old.

That's all.

Well, that's what we need, those

$70 tears, you know, pay for the treatment.

Cats are the most expensive thing on earth.

Take it from me.

It's nuts, right?

I love this cat.

What are the other two things that

you still haven't revealed for?

I still have not revealed them.

Okay, the next thing is free, and this is all subject to change.

Like I said, we'll probably fine-tune it a little bit before it comes out, but you'll have a chance to look and see exactly what it is you're getting.

Free tickets, admission to any Tellum Steve Dave or Stash event.

Wasn't that in the other tier?

No, that was early access.

This is free.

Oh, okay.

Here's the big one: Q.

Yeah, I was going to say, we don't do many events.

We don't.

But if we do, you're in for free.

This is the big one, Q.

Another roughly 90-minute live stream.

But.

But.

A month?

But a month.

This isn't possible.

But I said, listen.

This is impossible.

Listen, baby.

Only with me.

Oh,

and we're watching.

I see.

We're going to do different stuff together.

Like, whoever many people it is, we'll watch a movie together running commentary.

Are you able to live stream from your house?

I mean, if my neighbor's internet is turned on.

You better get that shit off.

No, I definitely could.

That's a fucking good idea.

Definitely.

It'd be fun.

We could do it sometime.

Yeah.

Like when me and you sit around, we're watching.

And watch the American Pie fucking direct-to-video sequence.

American Pie direct-to-video, Puppet Master, any number.

Oh, yeah, that could be fun.

That's good.

So, let's hear the $70 tier again.

This is only for the

well-to-do ant.

Right.

This is an au who.

This isn't for me.

I wouldn't sign up to this level.

This is more of a Q level.

Yeah, this is.

This isn't for a recently unemployed reality star guy.

Yeah, this is.

So, what is the $70

that only one person does it?

Take your shirt off.

You think I've done it for how many months?

Three months.

Three months.

I mean, if I'm a fucking ant,

there's nothing that would stop me from not getting those top tiers for the three months just to fucking

fucking force you to sit there and watch fucking like a Disney movie with them and some shit like that.

It would be amazing.

Yeah, do I suggest all the movies, or I guess I have to let other people suggest them?

I do as well.

I'll trip to you.

If you're a guest in your home, all pornos.

Fetish shit.

So, what's the $70 to your guest?

Okay, so the $75 one would be the free ticket, all the other shit, of course.

Free tickets and admission to Telm Steve Dave and stash events.

Anytime we have something, you come for free.

And you're treated like a VIP, obviously.

One-of-a-kind Telm Steve Dave-centric item, which may be signed if it's signable.

It might be audio, video,

any number of things

every three months, and

the live stream of a movie, or it'll be an hour to an hour and a half, I'd say.

Probably, if we're watching movies, more likely an hour and a half.

Yeah.

That's pretty good.

That's actually,

that's pretty awesome.

That one.

That'd be fun, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

If somebody I was into was doing that, live streaming, watching a TV show and bullshitting like that, I would watch that.

That's pretty cool.

I feel like like the next level from live tweeting something.

Right.

Let me ask you another question.

What happens when we miss a weekly episode of Tell and Steve Dave?

That Sunday Jeff one is still getting delivered.

Yes, it's banked.

Banked.

Yeah, even if

we miss a regular free episode of TelemSteve Dave, your Patreon

content will not be affected because it's all banked.

Okay.

Gotcha.

That's great.

That's really why our calls got so frosty.

Because

I was like, we've got to bank a lot of fucking content before we pull this off.

I was like, ah!

No, this motherfucker wanted to bank shit to carry us through for the next decade.

I'm like, I don't think we need that much, and I'd like it to be more timely.

Flying by the way,

it's not the way you can't pull it off from it.

We've got to live.

I think people would have had a problem if we did not

give out the regular episode on, you know, whatever counts for Enton with us

free every week.

I think once you're giving that, there's really nothing to complain about.

Don't buy the other stuff if you don't want it.

So, you don't, you're anticipating not one

dissentive.

Ah, well, we got there definitely will be.

Yeah, we got a bunch of salty assholes in the audience, but I don't go to Reddit anymore, so who knows?

Okay, all right.

I think it's gonna be all right.

I think a lot of people are gonna be like, You guys probably should have done this a couple of years ago.

Yeah, yeah, well, you didn't have the time, we didn't have the time, you didn't have the need.

Um,

I like it because, if anything, the success of this is just ensuring that Talon Stephen Dave is fucking apparently never going to die.

You know what I mean?

And it makes it so like we can also use money for doing bigger projects and shit we want to do.

We can reinvest it.

Fucking look at how good Elephants in the Room came out.

To have money to do that.

Imagine we had to double the budget.

Yeah.

Well,

the Combo Men

idea that we talked about, the finale idea.

You need some money to do it, but yeah, like, so that would be great.

Yeah, to like invest in that.

That'll be really fun.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So that's it.

That's the.

That's not it.

Oh, that's not it.

No, that's it.

That is it for Patreon.

That's what I meant.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

That's what I meant.

So when does that start, Patreon?

Oh, yeah, you get this.

Okay.

The day it launches.

Yeah.

Birthday of our nation.

July 4th.

July 4th.

Get out of here.

What kind of firecracker is that?

Yeah, it's going to go right in your hand, people.

Be a patriot, be a patrionic.

Nice.

I'm trying to get them to.

Meanwhile, we're talking about trying to get them to change their homepage Patreon

to us with a flag waving.

Oh, I loved it.

That right there

is a sign of a man who's putting some effort in.

Yeah, he is.

He can't wait to get it.

He's coming up with a pun.

That's your first one.

It took me two weeks.

He came down when Brian Johnson is in the Impractical Jokers movie.

That's no surprise.

And he fucking killed it.

Yeah.

Dude, it's great.

It's

really, really fucking funny.

After you left set, I got a lot of people giving me compliments on your.

Oh, yeah?

It was fun.

It was really fun.

Yeah, you really killed your part that you had to do.

You did great.

But he brought down microphones.

He brought down the recording stuff.

He set it up in his hotel room.

He had me and Gatto come down.

He was on it, man.

This is something.

But that's not the only

chilling.

I know what you people are thinking.

You're like, oh, man, so I have a month to save up.

You know.

Have you not spent all your money on Metro?

Join Patreon.

This is the first time.

That was impressive.

Well, the first time we're mentioning Metro Kickstarter on Tom Steve Dave.

So for some listeners, it may not even be aware that it's up there.

That's right.

The comp book that Walt,

myself, and Cullen Bunn have been working on for a bit now,

you've been hearing about it for a while because, like everything, we learned our lesson the hard way.

Finish projects before you announce them.

Making clients.

We learned a very harsh lesson.

And also, Cullen is not.

Corporate World didn't treat you right, huh?

Yeah, well, we did it, and we brought Metro out.

We got offers from a couple of different comic book companies, but none of them really were.

Well, one, not that the offers weren't good, I just well, some of them were attempting to censor, right?

Yeah, there was really like

the current climate, people wanted to kind of put a clamp down on some of the content, and we can't have that.

And we knew that, you know, if there was interest in there, we'd rather just do it ourselves.

So we finished the book and we put it up on Kickstarter.

Would you say that's accurate so far, Walt?

Absolutely.

And it's been up for a week, and it's already been over double, right, what we needed.

Right.

So it's definitely happening.

It's up on Kickstarter now.

It's the only way to get the book.

We're doing a hardcover version, a softcover version.

We're doing special,

we're into stretch goals now that are pretty cool.

Signed artwork, right, you're doing?

And we're announcing some more.

I'm really rambling a bit here.

No, no, I mean, it's...

You guys aren't doing sweatbands and shit, right?

No.

But Metcha, yeah, it's a comic book.

It's a story story that I kind of came up with when I was like in my 20s.

I always wanted to kind of do it.

I mentioned it to Cullen, and he instantly started adding things that made it, you know, actually good

and made it like a comic book-worthy kind of story that could really only be told in the medium.

And I've always wanted to work with Walt.

You guys always cut me out of your comic book projects.

So I said, fine, I'll do it myself.

So what we have is a, thank you, it's a 122-page full-color graphic novel.

Um, that is, again, I can't stress this enough.

We got an inker who I really love the way he inks over my pencils, Phil Will, and the amazing Wayne Jansen.

Um, I absolutely adore this guy.

I,

I wish he lived in New Jersey because I would have him doing, I would just be working collaborating with him on everything.

He's, he's,

he's my uh spirit animal, Wayne Jansen.

Yeah, I mean, you guys make a great team being

I don't know.

That's a compliment, though.

I don't want to take it the wrong way.

I absolutely adore what he does.

He's so open to

me bouncing off things.

Hey, how about doing this?

Or how about doing this?

And he could do anything.

I mean, you guys have killed it.

I mean, the artwork, the coloring is fucking unbelievable.

Everything, it's unbelievable.

Is there a website?

Or is it just, how do you find this thing?

I think you just

go to Twitter, I guess.

Or if you just go to Kickstarter and type in Metro, kickstarter.com and type in Metro, it'll come up.

And man, it's,

I will say this: like, once Walt came on board, I went back and rewrote a few things to play to your strengths.

Really?

Well, yeah, but you never told me.

Some of the violence,

like the

ultra-violent stuff, some of the more horror-esque visuals

were

once I knew who I was dealing with in the art, I knew we were.

It's a pretty violent book.

I was looking at some of the

pages because

I have to ship out the pages for the backers and I was like, wow, it's a pretty violent book.

And,

you know, if you're not, if you're into, you know, violence for gratuitous violence, it tells us it's there for a reason.

It's there for a reason, but it is why one comic book company was like, look, man, we just can't do that.

Like, literally the second page of the comic book, they said, Well, you can't, you gotta do it well.

It's necrophilia, yeah, the exact reason I was like, You guys should do this.

Yeah, yeah, I mean, you guys had absolutely.

I mean, I like, I not that I'm trying to distance myself, but I didn't write this,

but there's there's some necrophilia in there that

I was like, Ooh, and uh,

I drew it, and

of course, I tackled it with all my every ounce of my fiber, but um, I want I just on everyone's clear, I did not write the sequence.

Just a hired hand here.

And Colin and I have like, this is, I think, six issues, right?

Six issues.

Five issues that was condensed into a graphic novel.

Right.

Okay.

We have like an overarching, maybe like

80-issue story that we kind of want to tell in the long.

80 issues.

We got a whole story.

Okay, so five of them are done.

Five of them are done.

Oh, okay.

We got,

yeah, we already know the ending of the whole story.

We got some cool things coming up.

This is is just the beginning.

This is like the

introduction.

It's not a trilogy.

What would you call it then?

The origin is just the origin story.

But look, and just for Telensteve Dave, I mean, could there possibly be any more Telen Steve Dave references in this without becoming distracting?

There are quite a few.

There are quite a few, but I didn't feel they weren't distracting.

But then again, it's because

maybe some of the things that we're saying,

we came to that line and we towed the line, but there's a lot of Telen Steve Dave

in the background, not in your face, but like if you're looking for them, you can say little Easter eggs.

Yeah, there's plenty of them.

But I'm very proud of it.

It's not a lot of money to get the digital copy.

I think it's like $5 maybe for the digital copy, maybe $10.

Yeah.

Yeah, but I mean, there's the soft cover, the hardcover, and I think

there's a podcast that we reach a certain amount of time.

Yeah, what's one of the stretch goals?

Yeah.

There's a lot of cool stuff going on.

It's already success.

It's already fun that it's already happening.

I mean, there's really no difference between you buying it from a store, just buying it from us on Kickstarter at this point.

No, actually, you can't get it in a store.

Right.

You're only going to be able to get it here.

Exclusive.

Exclusive.

So there you go.

So, yeah, please go to Kickstarter.

It's called Metro.

If you go to my Twitter at BQQuinn, the link is pinned to the top.

That's good.

Yeah, let people know that.

Yeah, we never ask you for.

You guys never really

hawk your Twitters.

You should do that now.

Take this opportunity.

What's your big Twitter cube?

At BQQuinn.

What's yours, Brian?

At Tellim Steve Dave.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't have one.

No?

I don't.

I don't have one.

I know there's a Baron von Flanagan Twitter account, but I love it.

I think it's awesome.

But I will say it's not me.

And maybe that's because the Baron and I are different beings.

It's possible.

It's possible that, like, when

I go to sleep, the Baron awakens.

Did you?

Oh, it's Fight Club?

Did you see that Sven Gooly commented on it?

Yeah.

that's that's crazy, man.

Oh man, yeah, I think there's a wouldn't it be cool for one day for the two Titans of horror hosts to meet face to face in a be in an end-all battle?

Only one will survive.

It would be.

So, when are a viron's actually getting together?

I'll shit on fucking a Svenguli.

I'll take him out.

Yeah, so

yeah, Metro.

There you go.

And then I think I mean, is that all that we have to

do?

Is that it?

I know some ants are going, okay, well, I think I can get a second or third job at this point to support my TSD habits.

All right, Brian went to the bathroom.

So let me ask something.

Would you rather than buy Metro or do the Patreon?

That's a Sophie's choice.

Oh, my God.

They only got one reach to the wallet.

Whoa.

What do you want me to say?

I want to hear your honest opinion.

That is a question.

I have no answer for that.

I would feel

like

I was betraying one of you too if I said that.

I see.

I said, well, when you walked out, I said, all right, so they can only support one project.

Well,

which one should they do?

The Patreon?

Well, they've already done it.

I saw those Metro numbers.

Yeah.

Yeah,

and to everyone who backed Metro.

Should we put more money in our coffers or watch Siege starve to death?

Yeah.

I know for a fact there's a food bank right down the corner from the house.

Like you have any spoiled hand?

Do you want me to sign that?

I used to be on a TV show.

Yeah, not now.

You got any five-day old bread?

Yeah.

I'm not above

eating a five-day-old muffin, clearly.

My standards are not high.

Fucking seagulls everywhere, huh?

Just

painting it.

Like, there's people who really are going to painting a picture that.

You're awful.

I'm going to get a call later on.

Take that out.

No, no.

Leave it in.

All right.

Well, that's anything else?

Yeah, there's just a couple more things.

I'm going to be in Washington on June 30th and July 1st.

Washington State of D.C.

With Washington State.

Me and Ming and Muse will be there.

It's the Washington State Fair and Events Center, the Pule Up, and Pule Up, Washington, Toy and Geek Fest, or something like that.

That's like fun.

Something like that.

And I think that...

This will be the first time out on a con circuit post

cancellation news.

Yeah, people are going to be fucking turning their back on me.

People now have a different

opinion on like, do you join the

fuck you has been?

Like, yeah, that was a never was jerk off.

The stench of failure.

Yeah.

Like, what a loser you are.

Isn't that crazy?

Like, you do seven, which is almost unheard of.

Seven episodes of a television series.

Seven seasons, yeah.

Seven, what did I say?

Episode seasons, yeah.

Seven seasons is a lot.

Yeah.

That's a lot.

But there are people who, when they hear, will be celebrating it.

They'll be like, good, the fucking show always sucked.

So, really, what have you done from Lee Lately World, though?

I know.

So that's what this Patreon shit's about.

If you're not in a current project,

you're old news.

Your old news.

But you know what?

If I'm like, maybe that shows off, but have you heard about the Tell him Steve Dave financed

final lost episode?

Well, it makes you feel better.

The movie will come out and ruin the show, so I'll be right there with you.

Yeah, I think that is it then.

That should be everything.

Good to have you back, you.

Oh, man, it's good to be back.

It's so fucking great.

Are you going to be here next week?

Yeah, so this is a

regular episodes.

I don't

anticipate me missing an episode until after Comic-Con because I think I got to go to LA for that week.

Isn't that July?

Yeah.

Oh, we can do two episodes.

No, we can do two episodes that week

before.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, we got a live stream to do.

We got like three live streams to do.

That's all right.

You're going to hold your phone like that and put my phone there and we'll all be on it.

Yeah, but the live stream wouldn't even, like, if we start July 4th, when when we start July 4th, it's like

it has to be within the month, so it doesn't even have to be the first week.

I'm sure we'll figure it out.

I'm not too worried about that.

Yeah, we'll get it.

We'll get it down.

But no, I'm back.

I'm just here, man.

It's back.

Better than ever.

Give me another couple of weeks.

He's a harried dude, man.

I talk to him a lot.

Fucking dude.

Making the movie.

I don't know why anybody makes a second movie.

After doing one,

I said it to the crew.

I'm like, I have so much more respect for movie people.

And this is a fucking rinky-dink fucking little movie.

Like, I can't imagine.

I can't imagine anybody making a movie and being like, I'm going to do another one of these.

Speaking of, I know we've been going a long time, but I would love to hear.

I know, I mean, some proud of the listeners too would rather hear something than us trying to fucking shove shit down our throat.

Did you see any movies lately?

Avengers?

Infinity War.

Oh, I liked Infinity War.

I was into it.

Yeah.

You didn't love it.

I mean, I saw it when it came out, so maybe I'm just not remembering it, but I was really into it.

it.

Yeah.

Adored it.

I fell in love with

film again.

Walk out of there, and like my passion for film has been reignited.

Would you take it as because I saw it mainly as a Thor Guardians movie?

Did you feel the same way?

I felt it was just a celebration of a decade of that studio.

And

everybody got

great FaceTime.

Everybody was treated with

everybody just delivered something

vital to that movie.

And I thought the Thor and the Guardians stuff was so good.

Yeah,

everybody's the Iron Man and Doctor Strange's stuff was so good.

I really liked it.

I was thinking of you after I'd watched it because I remember how you thought Ragnarok was too jokey.

And I thought they leaned into that with the Thor Guardians.

But you know what?

It was offset by

how dark everything else was.

So

I needed that little bit of levity from that Thor and The Guardians gave.

But the breakneck speed of that movie from the moment it started to the moment it stopped, I've never seen a movie with that kind of pacing.

And to pull it off as well as it did, too.

Like, yeah, it was pretty great.

I really liked it.

Yeah, like, I'm back on board.

Like, I was kind of feeling like, you know, maybe I'm past the Marvel movies.

Really, Black Panther was so fucking good.

Ragnarok I didn't like.

Oh, you saw it finally saw it.

Dude, it was great.

Did you see Black Panther?

I have not.

I did yell at somebody in the theater the other day.

I don't know if you want to hear about that.

Well, yeah, I think I do, actually.

Was that in a Marvel movie?

It was not in a Marvel movie, no.

I went to see Hereditary, the horror movie.

I didn't hear of it.

Yeah, it was pretty cool.

I wasn't crazy about the ending.

Yeah.

I was like, eh.

Have you seen a Quiet Place?

I have not.

I love that.

No.

All right.

Sorry.

It was a pretty packed theater.

And these theaters are not big anymore because the chairs are so because you can lay down.

Huge, yeah.

And like three rows ahead of me, some person, I can't, it's a dark, so I can't tell if it's a guy, a girl, whomever, is texting non-stop.

Screens lighting up, screens going dark, screens lighting up, screens going dark.

So I go out because I'm like, I'm not going to say anything to them.

Because if I go over, like, you can't say anything to anyone anymore without the fear of like, oh, suddenly there's somebody's videotaping it or recording it on their phone.

You are just on the Long Island Railroad, just trying to make your way home.

Is that what you're saying?

Yeah, you're trying to go home from your stagehand position.

So

like a little fucking bitch, I go out and I tell the usher guy.

I'm like, hey, this person is like,

and it says it in the fucking beginning of the movie.

So it's not like people are like, oh, I wasn't aware.

It's like, you don't give a fuck.

You just don't care.

So I go and I tell the usher

and he

is like,

you know.

Maybe you can say something.

I was like, what?

Like, what?

You have have any fucking pops and popcorn for you, too?

Yeah, really.

Do you want me to sweep up?

Do you want me to sell tickets?

That's weird.

But I said, what do you mean I can tell them?

And they're like, well, you know, I can peek in or whatever.

I said, is this some kind of corporate thing that, like, you're not allowed to say anything to anyone?

And he's like, huh.

Really?

And I was like, you cunt.

Wow.

Like, you motherfucker.

Like, not him, but the corporation itself.

Yeah, they don't want any flack.

For telling people to follow a simple fucking rule.

It's so hard to get people to go to movies nowadays.

They don't want to have somebody storm out.

No, it's not that.

They're afraid it's going to be the wrong person that they say something to, and then it's a whole fucking thing.

I can't tell if it's a fucking guy or a girl, but by the hair, I don't know if it's one of those man buns or it's a regular bun.

So I go back and I sit down.

I'm like, maybe they'll stop.

They don't stop.

Was it Sal?

Because he does this a lot during the day.

Does he?

Oh, dude.

That fucking, he's got that giant screen, so it just fucking blasts everybody.

Now, when you're watching, let's say, say, Infinity War,

the whole theater could have been texting.

I wouldn't have even noticed it.

Right, because it's an action movie, it's not a paced atmospheric horror movie.

You're just so into it, is what you're saying.

Yeah, all right.

And it's super dark.

And you know what?

The screen is lighting up over and over.

You know what I've started to do?

It's unfortunate.

It's a little bourgeoisie.

Bootleg movies.

No, the opposite.

You know, they have those fucking movie theaters.

I don't know if you guys have heard of this fancy website.

I've started being, you know, like a a movie ticket is like 11 bucks, but then if you pay like $30, you get like the fucking recliner, and there's only like 30 seats in it and stuff like that.

That's what I do now.

But the people that are paying that much fucking money, I've never had a problem with it.

Here's why you're wrong.

It was a theater.

Oh, that's horrible.

Yeah, it was the recliner theater.

I don't think it's any more than a regular theater, though.

I don't know.

No, it's the ticket price that

will.

Ticket prices more?

I'm telling you, it's like $30 to see a movie.

Oh, this is a different type of theater.

No, I'm telling you, the people who pay the $30 are not going to fucking like.

I sit down and I'm like, I paid $30.

This better be a fucking good movie.

So I'm not sitting there texting and shit.

Well, if this Patreon does well, I might go see a movie with you.

Yeah, you should, man.

In Manhattan, there's some fucking pretty good theaters.

But

dude, I couldn't take it anymore.

I could not take this rude-ass motherfucker, whoever they were.

At a certain point, I stood up and I was like, Excuse me, can you stop texting?

It is distracting to everyone around you.

Real loud.

And that phone went off and it didn't come back on for the rest of the time.

And when the lights went up, it was like some college girl.

It was like a, she had some Greek shirt on and she was like, I don't know, maybe 21, 20, 20, something.

It's in early 20s.

But I'm like, what the fuck, man?

Like, why can't, like, check an Instagram, message

the fucking shit, didn't the goddamn screen.

Get an Apple Watch.

Or just don't do it.

Spend an hour and a half away from your fucking phone and the fucking people that you're not with, or at least go to the back of the theater and do it.

Like, if you want to go to the back of the theater and stand there and do it, I don't give a shit.

Which is traditionally where the hand jobs happen.

Yeah, you could give somebody a hand job while you're back there.

Text but one.

C3PO style.

So, yeah,

I'm like, I don't want to go to the movies anymore.

I don't want to go to these places that, like, I have to fucking.

It's humanity.

It's everywhere.

It's everywhere, man.

I went to fucking PetSmart.

I'm like, do you sell those gloves that like will take hair off a cat?

Oh, my God, you know.

They're great.

I had to order it online, which is what he told me to do.

He's like, nah, if it's not over there, it might be on one of these end caps.

And I'm like, you're not doing anything.

Maybe help me look for it, asshole.

But I'm like, all right, I'll just go online and I'll never come back to PetSmart again because I don't want to fucking deal with these fucking people.

It's like we've had this discussion.

Nobody wants to do their job.

Nobody wants to do their job.

You just don't want to do it.

Which I understand.

Except for us, we're Patreon.

Let me tell you something.

You are not going to have that problem with us.

Not at all.

At least for the next five months.

If you start fucking like that live stream, you just do it in movie theaters like what people are around to.

Hey, why not?

It's a fucking free-for-all.

Yeah, go on.

You turn me green with envy when I see you round with my dream girl

See, I could buy me a mansion,

but we'd still be playing your little world

They always call you a hero,

but nobody cares how I feel.

I'm always second fiddle or third wheel.

I'm always second player or third wheel.

Shigeru Miyamoto ruined my life.

And now you've got to left me for dead.

The scarlet letter's yours, but the curse, she is mine.

With a big brink and L on my head.

Oh, brother of mine, please tell me she's worth it.

She's always getting kidnapped.

We're gotten a defined dream of the day.

But you know she'll end up with the monster.

How many lives have you stepped on

yet to get across the finished line?

How many times have you left me behind just Just to get your girl in record time

How many times have you hitched your eye just to drop your best friend in a pit?

I know I've helped to get your pretty little beach But man, I think I'm ready to quit

Shigaru Miyamoto ruined my life

And now you've gonna left me for dead

The scarlet letter's yours, but the curse she is mine With a big printed L on my head.

Oh, brother of mine, please tell me she's worth it.

She's always getting kidnapped.

We're gotten a deep five dream of the day.

But you know she'll end up with a monster.

Monster, monster,

monster,

She gave me a moto, ruined my life.

And now you've gonna left me for dead.

The scarlet letter's yours, but the curse, she is mine.

With a big brick and L on my head.

Oh, brother of mine, please tell me she's worth it.

She's always getting kidnapped.

Forgotten the D5 dream of the day.

But you know she'll end up with the monster.

Monster, monster, monster.

They always call you a hero,

but nobody cares how I feel.

I'm always second player.

I'm always second player.

All right, we're here with the

final installment of dyslexia.

Get them final installment.

I have decided.

Does that mean it's the first installment?

I've decided to end the dyslexia little buttons at the end of the show.

You're out of skulls?

No, I stopped giving out skulls a while ago.

I was giving away 8x10 glossies of the baron one week.

I gave out,

year radical glossies, and I was given away the

baseball tease.

Which with the black light lettering, very nice shirt.

Yeah, but sadly, they never got any of my size.

But this week, we only had two people.

Two.

Two people, maybe three.

Three people email in, two of which got it right.

Three people emailing in tells me

it's time to kill it.

The interest level is just not there.

Maybe it's, I don't know, maybe it's the interest level.

Maybe it's, I don't know, and I'm not going to put down the listeners.

Yeah, I mean, they're not unilateral thinkers.

There's nothing.

I mean, there's nothing.

Not everybody is.

Not everybody can be 148.

But

I do want to give props to the two people who got it because apparently this was the hardest dyslexia clues ever.

Three people emailed in.

One person was so off the charts, it was laughable.

I'm not even going to mention his name because I don't want to embarrass him in front of his family or friends.

But

colleagues, co-workers,

Matthew Medirios and Richard St.

John,

they were the winners last week, and here's what the clues were.

I wonder about Richard's a relation to

Claire St.

John.

Who's that?

Isn't she like a famous actress?

Please, 148, you're still going to get this over with final dyslexia.

She'll St.

John.

She'll say John.

Rock Ming Earthy

was Wood Cliff Lake.

Ah, Wood Cliff Lake.

Okay.

Just the opposite of Ming was Cliff.

That was obviously, if you had to be paying attention, obviously that's not a sanctioned.

That was just thrown in for my own personal amusement.

So there's a one, true, three dyslexia crossover.

Yeah.

Clue number two was gave off sky,

and that was Haydenfield.

Haddenfield.

Had on field.

Okay.

And get it, gave off sky.

And pauper ounce Ounce was Prince

Ton, Princeton.

Okay.

And what are those?

All three of those are what, get them?

They're towns in New Jersey, aren't they?

Correct.

148.

As usual,

148 and 1994.

My name's Graphical Knowledge is immense.

So that is it for the dyslexia.

For all those winners, I mean, that you.

I'm sure Q and Briar are happy.

There's a dyslexia Hall of Fame, and I believe one day there will be.

Okay.

Richard St.

John and

Matthew Medirios,

you guys are going to be in there in the wing of the listener wing.

The creator wing, obviously, will just be you, me, and 148.

Yes.

With a brilliant light behind us, blinding everyone with a tight.

How tall should the statues be?

I would say at least 20 feet.

Because we need to be able to look down upon everyone.

Outside or insider?

I mean, a 20-foot-tall statue, you're going to have to have them.

Well, it's going to be inside.

And again, it'll have a light behind it to shine down.

And then the winner's wing would be almost level with our heads.

So

you have to ascend to where their knowledge is,

which is almost on level with ours.

Brian Quon't won't even, they aren't even eligible to take tickets at the Hall of Fame.

Oh, no,

both their pictures are on the

bathroom

or in the toilet.

On the yarn, yep.

You got to fill up a balloon when you ping.

So that's it for dyslexia.

I hope you guys enjoyed playing.

And you know, maybe if there's an outcry, maybe I'll bring it back, but unlikely.

I think you got to know when to fold them and go out on top.

Sell bad, get them.

Sell bad.

This has been a production of Smodco Internet Radio, sir only at Smodcast.com.