#371: Daddy Edgar

Thinking positive is being gay?

A little bit.

Daddy,

Is he trying to say she's got nice fat shit?

She's got fat tits, and it's not her fault.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave Part 2 with Jiggy.

We're going to see if he has what it takes, right, Walt, to fill the large Italian loafers of one Brian Quinn.

Well, the reaction after last week's episode has been amazing.

They loved them.

They've been really.

I mean,

the responses that I've seen online and in my email inbox have been like

they want more jiggy.

Maybe I'm in danger of not coming back.

I mean, I wouldn't go that far, Q, but I mean, the days of like 80% less Q are long over.

Oh, yeah.

Long over.

Once you had the IJ Army come in, man,

they would drop a bunch of tanks.

The heavy artillery came in and blew them up.

But they would drop, tell them Steve Dave, if you

if you were to leave.

So, you know.

Oh, I don't think so.

They may have came for me, but they're staying for the

magic

Walton Drinking.

For the unfocused anger.

The inarticulate rage.

In between.

Yeah, the cliffhanger was you were going to tell us about a teenager you were proud of.

I was, but instead I'm going to, in between,

recording these, Gidam sent me something.

Oh,

yeah, he says that a man declares he is now attracted to men after taking painkillers.

Who?

Whoa.

Some guy.

I've heard a lot of excuses.

That's a new one.

Is it a famous?

That's like next level.

I don't think so.

Oh, a man.

I thought you said Adam.

I thought you said Adam.

Why does he send me this fucking shit?

Block him.

Stupid asshole.

It's like one of those things where it's like to read the fucking article, you got to take like a survey.

I'm telling you right now, which means he took that survey.

Oh, yeah, he gets paid to take surveys.

Does he, really?

Yeah, he gets like a tenth of a cent.

It goes into an account so you can play some sort of video game.

What?

Yeah,

he takes countless surveys and gets a tenth of a cent credit, and he uses that credit to buy upgrades on some game he's playing.

That can't be worth it.

A tenth of a cent?

You would not believe how much free time this motherfucker has.

You know, he's renting.

Yeah.

You know, he's done stuff.

He's done it while he's been at work, right?

Oh, f.

He's done series on your time.

He's like, I just earned a Mario coin or whatever the fuck.

So, yeah, I was going to tell you about a girl that I think, NQ, I'm positive you'll fucking agree.

Right.

Is a real hero.

Not some fucking cupcake buying

fucking iPad, man.

Why don't you just shake it up?

Run your shit.

Motherfucking iPad.

You didn't.

I've never seen you so like

out of whack.

I'm frazzled.

I got my wife shaking fucking pill bottles over there like she's Gary Oldman in the fucking professional.

It's like

you call cats by shaking the can.

That's how she gets you.

She shakes a pill bottle.

You're like, what?

You don't like Beethoven.

So this is a real hero.

It's a Florida teen, not the one that's all fucking anti-gun and shit.

Talking about Lizzie Martinez, a 17-year-old high school student who says officials gave her bandages to cover her nipples when she went without a bra at school.

Oh, shit.

Someone said this to you, too, right?

I was probably looking up teen nipples, and this happened to pop off.

No, I can't remember how I found this out.

It might have been on Twitter because I do go on Twitter at times, and sometimes like the news things come up.

She was asked to cover her nipples because it was a distraction for other students.

She decided not to wear a bra under her gray long-sleeve shirt.

And some school officials felt she became a target of her classmates' stares.

Well, no shit.

Well, that's for sure.

Were they sizable?

Her nipples?

I think they were pokeys.

You know, it's just like, I don't think you could see through it.

I think when they say see-through, I think you just see like the.

You see the outline of the protuberance.

Yeah, but when you're 16 or indeed 42, that's very distracting.

It's very distracting.

Yeah.

Rachel and Friends.

Fuck, how are you?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, I'm not saying she shouldn't have done it.

You know, the female body is a wonderful thing.

Her humiliation began when Violetta Velesquez,

the school dean, called her into the office.

She said she felt like she was being bullied by fellow students, but

wait,

I don't know.

Oh, hold on a second.

So anyway, so the dean says, you need to put a shirt on under the long-sleeve shirt to try to tighten her breasts or constrict them.

And then she asked me to move around.

Apparently, the second shirt was not enough

because she was then sent to the nurse's office and they gave her four bandages, two to cover each nipple, leaving her in tears.

I was like, That would leave me in tears if I was her classmate.

I'd be like, That covered you up?

Yeah.

What the fuck?

I'm just thinking, Wendy O'Williams, remember her?

Oh, yeah.

The punk rocker she used to put the plasmatics.

She used to put

the black tape over them and perform the electrical tape, yeah.

The Janet Jackson thing.

No, no, that wasn't.

Yeah, it wasn't.

No, that was

the nipple.

Yeah, right.

The matter was brought to the attention of the office for a review.

This is all this is going on because girls not wearing a bra.

She violated the dress code by dressing in a way that distracted other students, and that school officials were only trying to help fix the violation.

So, girls not wearing how hard is that if you're a male teacher to be like, you got to put a bra on?

It's impossible.

You don't say it, right?

You're just like,

if this is a problem for you guys, you fucking kill it.

I don't want to fucking

go ahead and get a chance to collecting a paycheck.

I can't figure this out.

So,

you're hero, you're deeming her a hero because she a hero and a role model.

We We should not treat a girl like this because of where her fat cells decided to distribute genetically, says...

Who the fuck said that?

That's interesting.

I wouldn't even.

That is

not something that's...

She's trying to say she's got nice fats.

She's got fat tits, and it's not her fault.

Right.

I agree with that, but that's not the problem.

The fatness of her tits, I don't think, was a problem for these guys.

Okay.

This is

Superintendent Diana Green.

First sympathized with Martinez, but then later said the protruding nipples may have distracted other students.

Well, definitely.

She says she plans to stop wearing a bra in protest of what happened.

She tagged the school on a Twitter post that said, stop sexualizing my body.

All right.

I got news for you, honey.

It's happening.

We part ways on that.

The way humans work is that they sexualize each other.

Well, it's natural.

The human body was evolved with one thing to be sexualized, so it's hard to kind of get around that.

So to say, hey, don't look at my bra less tits and think sexy thoughts, it's like,

not in this world.

Not in this world.

But Q,

you agree, though, that it's very distracting to the male students in the classroom, right?

Yes.

Oh, now you've got to worry about the male.

I remember one day because I went to the bathroom.

They're there for education.

Like, what about some poor?

The school of hard knockers, baby.

I went to an old boys' school, and Sal would sometimes not wear on the wings.

So

his boner would protrude.

We'd all get very distracted.

And then I took pain pills, and then one thing led to another.

But if you've got a bunch of kids, let's say

a bunch of young, inexperienced males,

and they see that, what's to stop them from having a natural reaction of their own?

And now you having everything erect in a room, and no one's learning anything.

So

the nipples alone, you think, could cause

what is going on over there?

She's doing that like fart thing with her armpit on her head.

Anything to distract.

Right?

But I mean, who is, I mean, everybody's aroused.

Right.

And that's not why you're in school, though.

No?

Why?

Yeah, why is.

Why are you in school, man?

Because I didn't learn shit in high school.

Yeah, but what about their butt?

Like, what if she's wearing something, her butt's.

Tight, yeah, her jaunts.

Honey jaws.

Or like showing like some of her stomach.

But

there's definitely a dress code, though.

Is there a dress code?

Yeah.

Where's a dress code in anything?

Did she violate it?

They said, did she violate the dress code?

Do you think it's a specific?

It's just a very general, you can't wear something that's distracting.

Now, what if fucking they're all covered up, but somebody finds that distracting?

That's a problem with this kind of shit.

It's all fucking subjective.

This is not subjective, though.

It is.

Q, would you agree this is not subjective?

If you have a group of young,

I remember a 13-year-old.

People are going to distract.

I am not going to be able to learn a single thing in that classroom.

Right.

It's not because you're drawing pictures of Gene Simmons.

It has nothing to do with owners.

Wild ass.

I am going to

be

so

ashamed because I'm not going to be able to move move or anything because I'm going to be so, like,

you know, trying to make sure I'm not getting obviously turned on.

Right.

And you're not going to be able to

control it.

But everyone's turned on, so it shouldn't be shameful, right?

You look to your neighbor, you look to your left, you look to your right, everybody's not going to be able to do that.

Some guys or maybe who are a bit more experienced in the classroom may not be able to control themselves a little bit more than us unexperienced kids.

So wait a second.

What do you mean?

They may be able to see that and not have

to.

Nobody can tell that I'm hard.

But other kids may not be able to control their bodies like you.

So they're going to come in their pants.

Is that what you're saying?

No, well, then you're back to work.

That's great.

But that's not her responsibility.

Everyone else's

response to her is not her fucking problem.

The girl got sunburned.

She's sunburned.

She's like, I don't want a tight bra on.

Is that what she said?

I don't like bras.

I've said this in the beginning.

I fucking hated when Miyundi started doing bra.

And yet your wife is still wearing a bra.

I'm telling you, if this falls apart, it's going to be over the fucking bra

because it's the one thing we cannot come to terms on.

It's outrageous.

But she did, at the end of the day, adhere to what the school said.

It appears that she did, but then like...

So

she cannot be a hero.

No, she can.

I'll tell you why.

Because

she was temporarily defeated and she bounced back stronger than ever with no fucking bra.

She's like, fuck you.

Would anybody remember the lady on the bus if she went and didn't sit in the back?

Was she wearing a bra?

Because I sure did remember it.

Did you say Rosa Parks is the lady in the back of the bus?

Pretty much.

No,

but if she went and sat in the back of the bus, she would not be remembered today.

But if the next day she was like, you know what, I thought about it, and fuck them.

I'm sitting at the front of the bus.

No, we would remember the person who didn't get up and go to the back of the bus.

Well, definitely.

Rosa Parks definitely went to the back of the bus plenty of times.

Many times.

But you remember the time that she didn't.

That's your point.

That's my point.

Right.

She's a hero because she didn't that day.

But okay, so I guess

she's the Rosa Parks of Brawler's Chicks, this Lizzie Ross.

Well, I'm just saying, but like the fact that she's now hailed a hero for,

you know, really not standing up for herself like the cupcake lady did, I'm not sure that

this girl you take.

She's not in the same stratosphere as the cupcake lady as far as I'm concerned.

Yeah, me neither.

You should look at her.

There she is.

Oh, yeah.

Is she good-looking?

That's the whole thing.

She's cute enough.

Yeah.

She's all right.

Yeah.

She's just like a normal, average-looking white girl.

Basic pictures, they say.

If she wasn't good-looking, if she was like, oh, yeah.

I think

if you've got, like, if you if you can hang,

if you can hang shirts off of it on a hanger, I mean, you're going to, no matter who what they look like, you're going to have to.

Do you think if she was like an overweight girl, a high school girl, and she didn't wear a bra, that they would have caused the same stink, or is it only because she was good-looking that it caused?

She had nice fat boobs, according to this article, and that's what got everybody into it.

I think that the fact that they were like, they were aroused, right?

That's why.

Well, I think they don't even have to be hard, right?

You can just kind of like throw a thin t-shirt.

You can kind of see them.

Just a little bit.

Right.

I think the school probably would have acted upon any.

But what if it was a boy, though?

You know, with nips?

Yeah.

Well, what about trans?

Now you got that whole thing to worry about.

You're going to tell a trans to put a bra?

You don't know what to say.

Sure, you do, because you got to treat them like they're female.

The identity that they go with.

So, yeah, if their nips are out and they're identifying as a girl, then yeah.

All right, Mr.

Smart Guy.

What if the next day they're identifying as a guy?

Gender fluid.

Now where are we?

Then they're a guy that day.

Mm-hmm.

So no tape.

The situation is fluid.

Yeah, man.

The situation would be fluid.

Wow.

It's all so much.

I remember being in high school just praying a girl wouldn't wear a bra.

That's all I cared about.

You didn't have to worry about all this other shit.

Yeah.

And in the 70s?

Not a thing, man.

Like, lots of girls didn't wear.

Really?

Yeah, there's like

a celebrity bowling, like an old one,

with the Brady girls on it.

Neither of them are wearing bras on national TV.

And you remember

that.

Fucking

hell.

Of course.

There was nothing on it.

There was no cable back then, Q.

People looked up on YouTube and went,

i'm not holding the game fam was like come here read about rosa parks with me i'm like fuck you

i gotta watch bowling now marsha brady's got no brian i didn't know young brian was so into bowling we should just get him in a league

he's i'm usually angry about everything you know not this for some reason

jennifer uh andiston got a lot of

uh feedback or kickback i don't know because she didn't wear bra on friends for like most of the seasons and and you could see like straight straight nips really i'm not a real fan of jennifer andiston until this moment really now i'm gonna go back and binge watch 10 seasons already

yeah there's uh like almost all the seasons she doesn't wear a bra at all and like and uh you really are in this friends fucking i know you're in a spiral right now because

my girlfriend's making me watch friends oh really oh that's what you watch

well what how long have you been dating uh since november

and you're already watching friends are you sure you're gonna take that blowjob from steve

did you watch it in its original run Oh,

I had to start from the beginning.

Of course, when I was in the shower.

No, no, no, no, I mean, when it was airing, when it was airing,

God, no, no.

I just saw a picture of the Brady girls.

No,

why do you say you're on such a screen?

I don't like.

I just never got into friends.

I just don't, I don't find it that funny.

It's not my type of show.

I don't know.

But now, now

with this new.

I'm tolerating.

I'm trying to be.

Yeah, I'm trying to be.

There's more humor there than you thought.

It's okay.

But I noticed the nips.

I brought the nips on.

Something for you.

A eye candy for you, Jiggy?

Yeah.

I said, hey, it's great.

I mean, you're not going to fucking get anything else out of it because the show sucks and it's not funny.

So you may as well like.

How did it last that long if it wasn't if it sucked, though?

Because people are dumb.

Oh, we took them on a private large screen.

Well, Comic Book Men's closing in on going hate.

But I would never argue that Comic Book Men is something that should be lauded as

intelligent or.

Have you heard people making the argument that friends friends is heady and uh no i hear about people talk about how great it is like as a comedian do you look at the stuff that people laugh at sometimes and just like shake your head like what the fuck are you laughing at like not even judging them just being like i can't figure out what you're laughing at on television or like live like performances like shows anywhere yeah i mean a show sometimes like even when you're trying new material out you're like you do a premise and like just the way you look or say something like you'll get a laugh and you can't figure out why that's how you record stuff that's why we record things because you never know what people you know people might find the strangest little wording of something, or you bring up something that makes them laugh.

You never would have thought about it.

Do you, when you're sitting there watching Friends, do you judge your girl for laughing at certain things?

Like, oh my God, what have I gotten myself into?

Is it like

Cape Fear kind of laughing?

Max Cady.

I will say this.

I will say this.

If you saw his girl, you would sit through friends.

I did see her.

Yeah, I did see her.

Your girlfriend's very attractive.

I'm too old.

Dude,

my fucking hourglass is

even faster than a normal hourglass.

Are they belly laughs or are they like

giggles?

I don't hide it.

I don't think the show is.

No, no, I mean, if your girlfriend, does she laugh real hard or is it giggles at this point?

No, she giggles.

And I think, I don't know why she just identifies with these characters.

But she's seen it already?

She only wants to watch it, so I watch it with her because of one time she made a joke when we were out, and she goes, oh, that's so Rachel Green.

I'm like, who the hell is Rachel Green?

She'd be taking a fucking Uber home.

would have been up.

Because I didn't know who Rachel Greene was.

Now I have to watch

the incident.

We should watch the Ken Burns baseball documentary since you didn't know who Gay Lord Perry was.

I actually, I should live.

Oh, you're too big of plans now.

Oh, man.

We have six weeks.

It's gone.

You guys should live stream you watching the Ken Burns documentary.

This is boring.

I would watch it, wouldn't you?

Oh, my God.

I would totally watch that.

Like, Walt makes a new friend in Jiggy.

That'd be amazing.

Because I've never been to his house.

I've invited him multiple times.

Multiple times.

Twice, twice you invited me.

But it took years for me to get the invite.

I would come here and they would just talk about parties they had over the weekend.

We haven't done it in 20 years.

I always thought I was doing you a favor because I knew you wouldn't want to come.

It was awesome.

Sounded fun.

That 4th of July?

He got the invite for that.

That's the one time.

That's one of the ones.

He also got the Christmas one, but he, you know, he fla-di-da.

He couldn't come on Christmas day.

Oh, I'll beat you.

I'm fucking beaten this Christmas.

Yeah, you missed out subsidizing all the costs, so Walt didn't have to fucking pay anything for that barbecue.

So, yeah, okay, so

the bra girl.

Yeah.

Okay, so you can vote.

And I'll tell you if you're in the majority, the minority, or whatever.

One, yes, it is a distraction to other students.

Two, no, it was unnecessary and humiliating.

Three, maybe, but the school should have handled it much better.

Those are for the fucking people that are on the fence.

Poof.

The maybe.

I mean, we live in an era where there's no fucking way people were body shaming that girl.

You can't even, what is going on here?

You can't even shame a girl who just bought two dozen cupcakes.

No.

No.

And follows a fucking bakery on Facebook.

If you can't shame her.

It's their time.

So there's no way the society we live in,

almost everybody's bulletproof nowadays.

So there's no way.

Almost everybody.

Yeah, well,

we're sitting next to somebody who certainly isn't.

Used to be.

What are you talking about, white man?

Yeah, so seeing that

she falls in one of the many, many, many, many, many, many bulletproof groups, I'm going to say that

people are giving it to her.

They're saying, no, it was unnecessary and humiliating.

Yes.

Okay.

I'm going to say, I wish I could vote for all of them because I feel like,

I feel

all the above, I wish there was the option because I feel I identify with every

thought on that poll right there.

I feel a little bit of like depending on who I'm talking to.

Is it yours?

Is it my wife?

But I know I get like it is a distraction, but I also get like, hey, you know, it's the human body.

Deal with it.

I get like, you know, the school should have been a little bit more

intact.

yeah so it's I'm gonna go with

the the school should have been a little bit more tactful but probably wrong but you know it's because of my advanced age don't hate me well yeah don't be hating

and Jiggy what do you say I say if I'm guessing

I would say yeah the school should have handled it differently Because I think the school has a right to say, like, like there's schools with dress codes, like, you have to wear a tie, you have to wear this, you have to wear that.

If they have something that's explicit, like you have to,

you know, you can't do that, then that's okay.

But if it's not, they can enforce the rules, you're saying, yeah, they should be able to have a right to enforce their rules, right?

But if it wasn't explicitly written as a rule, right?

Well, they say if they say no distracting clothing, that's a coverall.

That's tough.

Yeah, that's tough.

But it wasn't really her clothing that was distracting, it was what she wasn't wearing.

Yeah.

But is it distracting to everyone?

The gay guy.

Does gay guy get distracted?

Yeah, nipple's a beautiful thing.

I mean, I guess it matters on how many pain pills he took that day, but

it might be all about cucks.

Yeah, you never know.

Yeah, I would imagine it probably wasn't then distracting to

anybody who may

because

it would be

I think it's only distracting because

it's out of the ordinary.

You know what I mean?

No, like

if everyone if you can't see anyone's nipples and then you can see one girl's nipples that comes in and she's like attractive, then everyone's going to be paying attention to her and looking at her.

Isn't that the way the world works, though?

Awesome.

That is the way the world works, no matter what everybody wants to think.

Yep.

All right, so what did the poll say?

Well, I just consulted

my bra-loving wife.

She says, yes, it's a distraction to other students.

That got 19% of the votes.

Pretty low.

No, it was unnecessary and humiliating.

53% of the votes.

That's maybe, but the school should have handled it much much better.

27% of the votes.

Yeah.

There's no way she wasn't winning that battle in the court of public opinion.

And she fucking should.

Right?

I agree.

She should.

On this one.

And that is four white guys talking about what a 17-year-old girl should do with her body.

Well, agreeing with her that she should do it.

Yeah, we're woke.

Holy shit.

Welcome to the fucking shit.

I'm woke.

Look at it.

Don't it feel good?

It jumps great, man.

The water is fun.

Is it all about nipples or is it like other shit, too?

You got to see all the fun bullshit, but it only matters.

It just matters what people think about you.

You can think whatever you want at home.

Right.

And when you're, you know, not and say whatever I want if electric's not turned on.

Yeah, exactly.

As long as those checks keep coming.

Yeah, I learned that shit fucking year two with Telmsteve, Dave.

Yeah, what's it going to be like when there's no TV show and you're unleashed?

You can say whatever you want.

On Telm Steve, Dave?

On this, yeah.

I don't think they'll be hearing a lot of different different thoughts come out of my head that they

I really don't you know I think I've grown so far from from the year one of Telme

no I just think that you know that's the evolution of a of a of a person you know if they it's not for me

evolution for me

I think that I will because I genuinely my my feelings on the matter are genuine I don't give a fuck about any of it

I I don't see when

IJNA, me suddenly giving a shit anymore.

Like, I've checked out.

I honestly think

there's no public office for you?

No, so side and me have gone two separate ways.

You'd win.

I'd win.

You'd win.

You'd win something.

Is he running for

public office?

You'd run for Congress?

Not Congress, no.

The PTA.

Yeah, like a local Staten Island thing?

Yeah, I would run.

Like a councilman?

I'm not saying I wanted to.

Do you see him going to the council meetings on the low level?

Like, well, you know, should we change the color of the garbage cans?

Yeah,

yeah, exactly.

They're like, the teens keep graffitiing the park bench down by the Arthur Killer.

You don't think you don't feel I would be

good with that?

A council meeting every other night, as I remember when I worked in the borough of Highlands.

I remember the meetings, how they were called, seemingly every other night.

They didn't even have lives, these people.

Yeah, but so they need someone to step in and streamline this process.

And that's you?

That's the man.

It might be me.

I'm not saying it is.

I'm just not ruling them out.

Well, the second you take office, I'm immediately by your side looking for graft and shit.

I'm going to all the wards.

Well, getting my payola.

Yeah, that's fine.

Collecting all the money.

Is that right?

I want to bring back like Tammany Hall days.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, where I fucking run, like I got a cigar and I'm just taking grafts.

But that's so, like, sets so rabbits are running through the streamlines.

Tenni Anti, is that the right word?

Like to go to like Staten Island, you're much bigger than that, man.

You could be a congressman oh well that i don't that sounds like a lot of work oh it is but man the

perks are unbelievable and it really takes like a super educated and special guy to be president so you can rule that out

uh yeah no i don't want to do anything that involves real work i think a nice you want to give back to the back to the uh to the to the country that made you what you are he just took it why do you want to give it back

a little public service uh i think that look man i served as a fireman already.

Oh, my God.

I

never misses a chance.

Never misses a chance to be like, remember that father?

So there's this fucking kid

dying of smoking alation, and I'm like, this seems burned up.

I handled it.

I handled it.

I don't know.

I do things.

I donate.

I do enough, I think.

Right.

I do make a wish things.

You can make a big difference in Congress.

I don't want to.

I don't want to because I don't feel that I am, I honestly feel I am not in lockstep with what society wants to do.

Yeah, right now, right.

But when you, but when you retire from

Hollywood or what you call entertainment, you retire from entertainment, you'll have a time to re-acquaint yourself with the world.

But I don't want to.

That's not something I want to do.

Yeah.

I don't.

Look, the values of he's a man of leisure.

Yeah,

man.

Exactly, man.

Yeah, I don't think that I would come out on a winning side

of that.

Wait, do you run on a platform of no bras for any girls?

I don't think I'd win on that platform, but I'm your manager.

I'm your campaign manager.

Would you be running as a Democrat or a Republican?

Or an independent.

It would have to be independent because I'm somewhere in the middle.

I think you'd win, man.

We know that this world just adores celebrity.

Nobody likes the middle.

You either go hardcore or you don't go at all.

Well, no.

I mean,

socially, I'm very liberal, and fiscally, I'm extremely conservative.

So,

you know.

Yeah.

Plus, can you really get anything done?

Do you really, really think?

I'm assuming I would not get anything done.

I would like to name a street.

What would that be, Quinn's Law?

Quinn's Law, yeah, I don't know.

I guess no taxes for the rich and famous.

Yeah.

I would give it back.

Anything that was taken, give it back.

It's just a flat tax.

That would make too much sense.

People really don't think so.

I mean, I'm alone.

I'm very in the minority on it.

They want you to pay more, even though you are paying more.

I don't get it.

Would you run with the same persona?

Just go like sweatshirt, hat, show, playing pranks on people.

You might throw in a suit, I might dress it up a little bit.

Dress it up, yeah,

yeah.

I'm not doing any of this.

I'm not doing anything.

With Quinn.

Oh, well, hold on.

Wait a minute.

Now that I have a slogan.

Oh, well, turn it around.

Can I put it on a t-shirt and sell it?

Oh, there might be something to this.

Congressman Quinn has a little ring to it.

Yeah, that I would not do.

That's too much work.

Senator Quinn.

Senator Quinn, we see this.

I would love to have a senator in my back pocket.

Yeah.

What would you ruling?

What would you ask me?

What would you lean on me for?

What?

What would you lean on me for?

What would I lean on you for?

I don't know.

I mean, right now, I mean, I can't think of anything.

I would just like to see you

be a man, you know, a man of the people, a man of the people.

Yeah.

I would just like to be proud to say, like, I knew him and I'm friends with him.

I knew it.

You don't feel that way now?

Well, I mean, if you're a Congressman,

that's a lot.

A Congressman is not fucking nearly as impressive as a TV star.

No fucking way.

Not in this world.

Where people are like, hey, I'm fat and bowing all the cupcakes.

Now I'm famous.

Nobody gives a shit about Congressman.

Yeah, you can't have any scandals, though.

Oh, he's done.

I could reel 10 off my head right now.

That would sick as boat.

Now you know where my fucking Stormy Daniels payments are going to this game.

I think your opponent would use the Tell him Steve Dave library against you.

That's all right, though.

I could stand that.

You could overcome that?

Yeah.

You could overcome that, the Ching Chang song?

Well, Ching Chang song, remember, it was a different time.

Well, not only was it a different time, but I apologize the next week, even when I didn't have to, because back then that shit was still funny.

And I still apologize.

I'll tell you what.

Two seconds ago it was still funny.

I know.

I know, but I can't say that now.

But you didn't have to call a press conference

and announce your pulling out of

the race.

No, I think that that's sort of the right kind of like scandal that I can handle.

Because my answer would be like, first I'd be like, look, I apologize for the Ching Chung Sung immediately, and I did it because I wanted to, not because public opinion forced me to.

And two, and then I'd be like, and I was busting my friend's balls.

I don't know if you guys remember this, but I was a fireman.

And in the firehouse, that's what we did.

We busted each other's balls.

And then people would be like, oh.

Look at the queen, Mr.

Queen, the balls.

They're skyrocketing.

You're back on top.

You won the agents over there.

I'm bulletproof, yo.

From then on, you just walk out like whenever you're going to debate or something.

It's like, ching, ching.

When you're had a debate with everyone

with his opponent is going on and on about real topics, he just starts going, changing, changing chong.

Everyone's like, yeah.

That's the fucking world I want to live in.

That's the world I want to live in.

That would be amazing.

Oh, that's great.

Yeah, there's probably, I don't know.

I don't know if you could win.

I think you could win.

On Staten Island, I might be able to win.

I was talking Congressman.

I'm thinking about Congressman.

Congressman just seems like, I mean, it all depends on who he's running against on what year he decides to do it, and what, you know, if you've got a weak opponent, anything can happen, man.

Because people just.

It's state-level, too.

There's like state, isn't there, like?

Controller.

Yeah, there's like state-level Congress and then there's like national Congress, right?

You could be like a state senator.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, the thing is, because it's just name recognition.

People are like, I know that name.

Let me just check that box as opposed to some fucking person I don't know.

It's not going to work, though, for Cynthia Nixon.

She's not going to win.

No, nobody.

Sex in the city lady?

No.

She's nobody winning.

No way.

What is she?

What would she look for?

Senator?

She's running for governor.

She's not.

Governor?

She is running for governor.

Yeah.

Yeah, she's not going to pull that one off.

But I heard an interesting theory that she is not running for governor.

What she's doing is setting up a mayor run.

Interesting.

She's going through all this knowing she's going to lose, but this gets her name very publicly in it.

And then when she goes for mayor, it's almost like an easier transition into it.

But she has nothing.

What is she running off?

She has no public service experience or anything like that.

No, no, no.

Apparently, she's like a big advocate, like behind the scenes and stuff like that.

But look at Trump.

He's president of the fucking United States.

Yeah, but I know, but like, at least people are like, oh, he like ran like he's a businesses.

Yeah, yeah, me.

No,

she's been a big, big advocate for years for like gay rights and stuff like that.

So I think she's just

go as left as you can, and that's where she's at.

It's just who doesn't love that?

You want to do a walter cooler?

Yeah, Jiggy.

You're right.

Now the pressure's on.

No, no, no, this is no pressure.

No.

This is just topics, and you guys pick a topic, and then you guys can talk about it.

Do you have a water cooler at work?

No.

No.

He's a comedian.

He's comedian.

You don't have a regular job, right?

No.

Oh, you don't work on IJ with Q?

No.

Oh, I thought you were one of the writers, too.

No, no.

Oh, okay.

Do you want to be a writer on IJ?

He's as much a writer as LaDondo is an actor.

All right, well,

so when's the last time you had a job where there would be a water cooler?

Oh, God.

Probably when I graduated college, I worked at a golf course.

There was a water cooler there.

We had a water cooler in the firehouse.

All right.

Well, these are the topics that,

like, if you did, you know,

we would talk about them here, and then you could bring it back.

This is more for the listeners.

A small brush fire outside, I used it to put out the fires.

The listeners who may have a water cooler at their work, you know, they'll listen to our conversation and they could bring it

and talk about it.

In case the brothers 17-year-old something doesn't fly,

so we have a couple topics here, and you guys pick which one you'd prefer to talk about.

A new study shows no one is normal.

A new study shows

self-discipline is more important than intelligence to achieving success.

Self-discipline is more important than intelligence

to achieving success.

I believe that that.

People are using Alexa to tell bedtime stories to their children.

Oh, I think I like that one.

So those are the two?

Those are the three.

Wait, what was the other one?

You had two studies and Alexa.

A new study says that

there is no normal people.

Normal is a

normal doesn't exist.

Okay.

Normal is a normal.

And who did this study or the young man?

A new study.

Oh, a new one.

All right.

Let's go then.

Put your line on all those old studies.

And then another study shows that self-discipline self-discipline is more important to achieving success than intelligence.

All right.

Guess what?

I voted that one.

I'm voting that one.

Jiggy's voting.

I voted Alexa.

Alexa.

All right.

All right.

I'll go, Alexa.

Sure.

Let's do it.

Alexa.

I'm down with it.

All right.

I have Alexa, so I'm involved in this.

There's been a lot of Alexa issues of late.

Or she's been.

Alexa's been in the news a lot.

Well, it's the whole privacy.

I mean, I do unplug her a lot.

Generally, she's only plugged in when I'm home alone and I'm not talking anyway.

It is an odd thing, Alexa.

That might be a lot of fun.

Yeah, because it's understood that she

can hear everything.

Or in theory,

wasn't there other stories?

I don't know about your other news studies, but

that Alexa can actually hear everything, and then it's going into some of the things

listening.

Always listening.

So, Alexa's on our phones, right?

No, it's a separate thing.

But Siri's always listening if you have it turned on.

She's turned off on my phone.

Oh, really?

I killed her.

I put a bullet in the phone.

But we're focusing on, really, though, the

Alexa people, parents using Alexa

to tell bedtime stories to their children.

I think that's kind of like when you'd watch sci-fi movies, they would have that happening always in the future.

Wasn't that in Terminator where they have like the mechanical, or maybe that was on the ride at Universal where they had the robot arms.

Maybe it was real life.

Yeah, you're right.

You know,

they had robot arms putting in.

Skynet would put your skin to sleep.

Skynet will put you to sleep.

It will put you to sleep.

Oh, really?

It was very Skynet.

Yeah.

It was on the ride for sure, but it was a little crazy.

Remember that video that we watched in the beginning?

Yeah, pre-show video.

And there's a butterfly, and it's made out of titanium or whatever.

But part of it was

the Skynet.

Kind of like telling you bedtime stories, putting you to bed.

Exactly.

So Alexa is like, there's a lot of Skynet-ishy stuff going on.

All right, but

do you not see at the heart of

the story, though?

What

lack of parents?

How

inhumane that is and how crazy that is is that this is becoming normal now that

the quality time with your child at the end of the night is now you're passing it off on a robot.

Well, there's such a crux on

iPads and everything in general.

Like

a lot of people just don't even, you just see at a restaurant, it's just like a kid, two-year-old, two-year-old, three-year-old, just with an iPad.

And like this whole thing of like, oh, well, the kid's so smart.

My kid's so smart because he works an iPad.

That like terrifies me.

Why?

Because like they.

My parents weren't saying that about me.

But your kids are not like.

Just because they can work an iPad, I don't think makes them smart.

They're addicted.

I wish I had an Alexa telling me stories when I was a kid.

Did your parents read your stories?

No.

If I had an Alexa, it would have made the molestation go down smoother.

Could have listened to the story.

When I was very young, like really young,

like maybe four, but

not much after that.

But you remember it, though.

Is any kid going to fondly remember getting read a bedtime story by Alexa?

I don't know.

Does Alexa not beat you without provocation?

It might be an upgrade.

You have a lot of

issues with your parents, right?

A couple.

Have you ever thought about trying to work them out and just put them to bed?

Yeah.

And moving past them and achieving a different relationship with them?

Nah, too late.

It's too late?

But you see them all the time, which is really strange, though.

I don't see them that much.

Like maybe

once a month, maybe.

Not really that much.

Like, I have a father I haven't seen in decades.

Right.

There's a relationship where I'm like, well, that's too late now.

But if I was seeing him on a regular basis and I had this level level of animosity or like

resentment, I would be like, why wouldn't you not want to try to

resolve it?

I don't really feel that resentful.

I just bring it up.

It just sounds like it, though.

It may sound resentful, but like, yeah.

I think it would be so fucking awkward if I'm like, daddy, I want to,

Daddy Edgar, can we talk about how we haven't gotten along for 50 years?

And maybe the next two years you're alive, we can get along.

But if you go and talk to him,

like a task, you're a task,

but man-to-man, like talk to him, like, you know, like,

not in your normal tone of thought and a normal conversation, though.

Did you introduce him to his daughter-in-law?

I have not, no.

Oh, you looking forward to that?

Yeah.

You know what I'm going to do?

Not even answering.

I'm just going to set up an Alexa and pretend it's my dad.

But, like, you know, and not like, you know, not like where you go to him and like, Daddy?

Daddy?

But, like,

hey, Edgar,

there's some things, you know, I'd love to iron out.

I'd love to be able to get so, like, you know, become, move past some of these things that have been bothering me for so long.

Let's watch an episode of the courtship of Eddie's Father.

That are roadblocks

in our relationship.

Well, you know, like both of our hard-forged personalities.

Let's get over those little roadblocks.

There's just no way you can think differently.

I can't have a real conversation with either of them.

A long time ago, I was at a shrink, and I was talking about this very thing.

I'm like, it's weird.

I can't have a conversation with them.

I can't talk about real things.

And she's like, well, you've been coming here long enough.

Like, your friends are your family.

Those are the people you talk to.

Like, that's really your family.

Those are people you're related to.

But I can have a conversation with Darren or Eric.

But you're saying you can't and who, because of who's inability, your inability or their inability?

Probably both, because my mother will just say shit that I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about?

But this is not a conversation.

This is a conversation that would have to be long and probably not,

wouldn't be solved in one night, though.

Ah, fuck it, that.

You probably would need a therapist presented.

Slash mediator, slash referee.

I think there's this book that may help, though.

Because I'm probably like

that robot thing.

I want to be kissing my dad.

I want to kiss my dad while he's getting a massage.

Don't I get some sugar for letting you play video games, boy?

Oh, yeah.

Daddy Edgar's when the Tom Brady kiss came out

up in the middle of real.

How did that go down in the Massachusetts area?

Just a little bit of a bunch of people.

I remember.

Well, you have like these, like, yeah, I don't know.

I remember I watched that episode of Tom vs.

Time, where Tom,

and I watched the day it came out, and I remember seeing that and just go, that's not going to play well.

There's going to be something about that.

It was a little, it was a little bit more.

I mean, that's not, you're not really, you know, standing alone.

I'm going to go out on a limb here.

Yeah, you're definitely not going on a limb.

I mean, but how did it just kind of like whitewash in Boston?

Yeah, yeah.

We don't talk about it.

They're talking about it.

It looked like Michael Jackson, at least I'm a repressive.

But you know that roadblock jargon I was throwing out there?

Yeah.

That's from the TV.

Yeah, I had to quick Google it.

How have you not finished this book?

Let me just order it.

It's been months.

I'm just going to order it.

Let's just do this.

Just get them walked.

Hey, I'll order it too.

I mean, you'll be in our own little book club.

You guys won't treat it with the seriousness it should be.

You'll just be doing it for laughs, though.

They're going to be sending you pictures of them eating strawberries.

Because

I know how you guys are.

It's a fucking bushel of tomatoes.

That's not necessarily true.

I'll just do it.

You'll be open to find some useful

mojo out of it.

Here's the thing, because I know that.

I think you're more prone

to.

Wow, it ain't cheap.

You get the audiobook.

you you're who reads it does he read it because i respect i respect you and i know this isn't a bit i know you're really into the book yeah so i kind of want to he's a fucking maniac i kind of want to like see what like a peek into your brain through this book like what's captured you so i think it's it's just all the wins and um all the the longevity and the um

just the the pure like

it's audacious to think that this guy at this age is doing what he does.

And I think it has to, you have to go and look and see what is the secret, what is he doing differently that nobody before him has ever been able to do to do it at this level.

I mean, it may all be bullshit.

I know he's got that guru, too, right?

He's got a guru?

Yeah, he's got a guru.

We don't have any gurus.

I mean, that's a fucking problem for us.

I'm sure that guru costs plenty to become one of his disciples.

But he was very, like, his story is like he was very open to hearing the gurus and like taking them in and like listening and learning and stuff.

That's one thing, like as a guy who had that much talent, he didn't have to listen to anyone, but he did.

I think one of the parts,

I didn't read the book, but I'm sure part of it.

You're really trying to get this gig, Arnold.

I can't tell whose dicks it is.

He's willing to learn.

Yeah, I mean, that's it, buddy.

Plowed through.

Head down, keep going.

Head down, keep going.

That's the only way to get through an episode.

Yeah, I feel that a lot of people are not willing to learn.

They're waiting for you a chance to give it.

They don't want to learn.

And they're, just like Tom says in the book, they're prone to these self-defeating

things that they do over and over, day after day.

And the cycle never gets broken.

And it's like, oh, I'm too old.

Like he just said, it's too late for me and my parents to have to come to a place where I won't feel this resentment or I won't feel a new level of

enlightenment well a new a new bring your relationship to a place where you're not irritated by them at all times and you know they're only going to be here for

God willing you know a long you know a long time but in that time though you're wasting that time by saying like oh it's too hard I'm not going to tackle that.

It's way too hard.

Maybe what I mean to say is I don't care enough.

that's probably it.

I think

that's a defensive mechanism.

I don't care.

But I know you care, though, because

you have emotion.

Your emotions betray your words.

I don't care enough.

I don't even think.

I think you're lying to yourself and you say you don't care.

That's not what's happening here.

You care.

But not on a level where you're telling yourself it's just too hard to do.

And it's just too awkward.

You've just said it to you.

I can't put my, I can't be vulnerable in front of my father.

Well, yeah, because he wouldn't be receptive to it.

I think he'd be like, huh?

It would be a waste of time.

Oh, you've been taking those pain pills boys.

You know, I'm married to your mother.

Hey, I'm not saying.

What are you driving for Rubri these days?

Steve?

I'm not saying it wouldn't be extremely difficult to reach them,

but

you know.

This is what I meant to say.

They're not worth it.

Let me just rephrase.

What would you gain from it?

I would gain nothing.

All that work I have to put in to win them over, people who should like me already.

Oh, that's the, but that there, that's the attitude I'm talking about.

You're winning them over.

Right.

Winning your parents over.

Why do you have to win them over?

Ask them.

I think I'm perfectly likable.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, look, I'm in the same boat.

Yeah.

I should be.

No, you're real close to your mom.

No, but my father, though.

Yeah.

Like,

at the end of the book, I wonder, will I be

driven,

like TB, to go look for my dad?

You know, will I go, will I be?

You don't even know where he is?

I don't know where he is.

Wow.

I haven't spoken to him in decades.

As far as I know, someone told me he was dead, remember?

Yeah.

He might not even be alive.

I may be trying to make peace with

a headstone.

That's not enough, right?

See,

maybe that's what I'll wait for.

I'll wait until they're on their deathbed and just be like, hey, well, no, that's.

You know where

I don't know where my parents are.

Oh, Daddy?

You know where your parents are.

You want to be my friend now?

Say hello to Mr.

Pillow

as you start

putting a kink in the fucking corner.

Oh, not getting your medicine, Daddy?

Does it hurt?

Does it hurt like you hurt me?

Daddy.

Yeah.

You need to read that book, bro.

Hey, I got it.

I just got it.

I got the audible version so I can listen to it and jerk off.

There's a lot of

diet talk in here, so you got to plat through it.

You have two weeks to make some seat.

Who read that fucking book and came in here armed with it?

Send bullet points to Walt with all the different points.

You might have a whole fucking.

You might not have it to see when he gets back.

We're going to find me watching.

Listen to to me, I wouldn't have brought him here if I didn't think he was that good.

I mean, this is my favorite thing in the world.

I'm handing the reins over to, you know, I, you know, I.

He's like, wait, so what do I get out of it?

I get, I got to drive there once a week.

I got to watch Ken Burns baseball on VHS.

If you don't have a car, it's going to take a train down.

I got to take a ferry, a train, an Uber.

I'm in New Jersey.

Yeah, you can't take a train down.

You're not taking a fucking train.

And pretend I like the book.

And them?

What do you think, you, about Alexa Reed and using Alexa to read to children?

I do agree it lacks

the personal touch and warmth of

a beloved mother reading

or father.

Reading

because the bedtime thing is, yes, they're going to bed, but it's also a bonding time at the end of the long day, and that's completely removed.

However, I'm not a parent, and if I had kids, I'd probably want as little to do with them as possible.

But do you have any memories of being read to as a child?

No, but I have similar memories.

Red to the Riot Act.

Yeah.

No, I have similar, like, nice, warm, warm memories.

But do you think there's what are the ramifications of a society that

I think you're in it, buddy?

Well, but we're, but these are chills, these children aren't growing up yet, though.

Yeah, but I think that anybody with a fucking half a brain could look at the world today and see where it's headed.

Yes.

And start stockpiling fucking water.

But

if you think it's bad now, what are we in store for?

What are the ramifications when the children who are read to by

a hockey puck

that can talk,

what are they.

They're fucking Don Rickles.

No, what's that?

Doesn't Alexa look like a hockey puck?

Some of them do, yeah.

What kind of parenting skills will they have when they have their own children?

They will have a different version of, they'll have a hologram

instead of a hockey puck.

Instead of a kid.

Do you think?

Look, are we at the most medicated time in the world right now?

I wish.

Would you say that, right?

I would say so, yeah.

So, yet, so maybe they're on to something, though, because we were read to as kids, and now yet we can't stop popping pills.

What's this we shit like, man?

Saul Homo over here.

He thinks pepper is a drug.

I'm not kidding.

He thinks ground pepper is a drug.

He checked himself in the reaction.

You know what?

We as a whole, I mean.

This is how I feel.

We are, despite what you hear in the news, despite what you hear out there, this is the single best time to be alive, to be a human in terms of health, in terms of opportunity, in terms of wealth, in terms of comfort, in terms of everything.

Equality, science, everything, everything.

It doesn't seem that way because what you see in the news, but in fact, this is the best time to be alive.

And look at how everybody's treating it.

Treating it like

we're medicating ourselves because we can't.

No, they're treating it like they have it so fucking hard, like a bunch of little bitches.

There's too much, there's almost too much

lack of struggle, i think in the world today i i i i i think well and that's hard to say where i mean don't i mean there are people struggling though like to make ends meet sure but compare that to absolutely 100 i'm not saying across the board there's not i mean i think you're saying socially right socially okay yeah i think there's there's like the the the focus on

individual and and uh and and feelings and all this stuff is like whew dude it's almost you know how they say the romans went downhill because of the fucking because of all the sex shit That's what I've heard.

Is that what they said?

Is that why the fall of Rome was because they were taking care of the shit?

Like they just lost their morals and vomitoriums.

Yeah, like they just got too fucking

too decadent.

That's what I've always heard about the Romans.

That was Sodom and Gomorrah, I thought.

No.

Well,

that was probably real.

Yeah.

Sodom and Gomorrah.

Oh, it's the Bible shit.

You're a religious man, Jiggy?

No, not really.

It's going to hurt you, Jiggy.

You shouldn't have answered honestly.

You should have broken a commandment.

Yeah, I think that we're heading into another age of like things are too good.

But my point being, though, is part of that.

But like, since we're, I know what you're trying to say, but I'm trying to say, though, like, we, like, we're like, I don't want to come down on these kids that are being read to by Alexa because it's not like we have it figured out and we were read to.

No.

Right?

Well, I mean, we're, we're, we're.

Also, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

I'm spitballing here.

I mean, it's not like I'm educated.

I'm not sure.

Why do I got to figure it out?

Nobody should take me seriously.

I mean, I'm not, do you think

it's possible that it may be better to be read to by a lecture?

Think, think.

Let me just connect it to what I just said.

Think about how easy life is.

We're now outsourcing reading stories to our children.

To do what?

To look at it, to probably look at it.

To fucking watch fucking friends, to like do bullshit.

Exactly.

You know, like it's, it's, it's, it's going to be worse.

Those kids are going to grow up, and that's going to be the norm.

Now I don't even have to fucking lift a finger to tuck my kids in, and I, unless the electric goes out, then you're fucked up.

But

will they be happier?

But I don't think they even, okay.

While you guys were talking, I was thinking, like, for like my grandparents or your grandparents.

You should be thinking any one, true, three stories.

I hope that's not true.

But if you look at our grandparents, like, and the advent of television, they probably thought the same thing about Alexa.

Like, oh my God, they're watching these stories on TV, and people are sitting down and like watching, and now we just don't think about television as a distraction, it just is.

Right, but TV is not wobbly.

The radio, I'm sure the radio to their grandparents was the same thing, right?

Right.

Don't turn that radio off.

You don't want to go out and pick flowers outside because you're listening to the programs, right?

To the talkies.

Yeah, it's.

But now it's just the norm.

So

I think to us, when we get older, like we'll think like, this is crazy that people are like listening to stories on Alexa, but it's just going to be their normal, yeah.

And then so the normal just keeps changing.

But will there be a bigger disconnect between human beings, though, or is it okay?

Should we be disconnecting more?

Because right now, I mean, think about how different situations are.

That's all you encourage with me.

You're like, sit alone in your fucking house all day.

Don't look at the internet.

Certainly don't fucking text me because I don't give a fuck.

Go text get them because I don't want to get you riled up.

Just wait.

Just wait.

Once a week, you come here.

Just wait.

Specifically, just wait.

Well, no, look forward to

challenge yourself to only think positive thoughts for one week and see what happens after that week.

Just challenge yourself.

Can you throw down that book?

What?

Thinking positive is being gay?

A little bit.

Why?

You might as well be Steve.

No, not gay, gay, not homosexual, gay.

But to sit there and be like, I'm going to think.

Like 80s gay.

Yeah, like 80s gay.

Like if I'm sitting there being like, oh, I'm just gonna think positively.

I tried Buddhism

for like, I got 20 minutes into it, and I'm like, fucking,

I can't do it.

I got pissed three times, not recently, but it was like years ago.

Like, I got pissed three times on the driving from my house to here, and I was like, fuck it, it's not for me.

Like, I'll never, I know, I know, I will never be able to, unless I'm like,

you look amazing.

You're fucking, you're, you're fucking

dangerous.

You look fabulous, darling.

Now

you've focused on the outside.

You've got to take it and fucking work on it on the inside now.

I'm telling you, just

I do think you should go to therapy and stick with it.

And I think you would see more

happiness.

I'm dealing with it.

I'm telling you, everybody around me, most people around me, I'm trying to tell them too.

I'm trying to tell Giddam too.

It's like when he starts like souring on something and he's texting me, I tried to tell him, I was like, look, when I was getting upset with somebody, somebody was really upsetting me last year, and I focused everything, I told myself, I'm going to, every bad energy that I'm focusing on this person because they're making me so mad, I'm going to focus it on a flower.

No, I focused it on a project for Tellum Steve, Dave, and I listed all the projects.

I never told anybody why I did these things.

I did them because I was so angry at this one person who pissed me off.

But I've refused to waste those brain cells on them and I just focused on something I could create for this.

I sent you something marvelous earlier.

You're like, I don't know what the fuck any of this means.

I don't know what it means, but I'm not saying don't do it though.

Is it better to do that than nothing?

Because that's what I've been doing.

Like, that's all I think about lately.

No, no, no.

Is what I sent you earlier.

Of course it is.

Of course it's better.

Okay.

Because

the other night I was doing it and I was going to text you a Q and be like, is this better than doing nothing?

Hell yeah.

Okay.

Well, how is it going to be fun?

Is it easy to question that, though?

Because it's pretty retarded.

Yeah, but that's all right.

It's funny.

Are you having fun?

Yes.

That's all that matters.

And if you, and if let's say out of that one.

And can you monetize it?

Yes.

Then that's all that matters.

Out of that encyclopedia that you sent to us today.

Let's say there's one

thing in there that spawns out of that and grow, and that seed grows into something that

we do

and becomes something people really like.

Then of course it's better than doing nothing.

Right.

But I'm serious.

Maybe I'm happy.

When you're feeling angry at something, man, I would really, really, really try to

channel that fury into thinking of something.

I know it sounds gay.

It sounds gay saying it, but something positive.

It really, but I mean, I'm telling you, you read this book and you're just like, this fucker does it for 25 years straight.

What was his family life like?

It was a good family life, though.

But Alexa wasn't reading to him.

It was no payment at that time.

Yeah, but you got to take what you've been given and work with it.

Yeah.

This is coming from a guy who's just waiting for another human to die so we can shit on the grave.

I love it.

I'll never give that part of me.

I love it.

Yeah,

the world needs people like us, like darker people.

Otherwise, how do you appear so positive if you don't have a little bit of negativity to compare it to?

I think you've given the world more than your fair share.

You've given the world, you provided more

negative energy over the past 50 years that you've given it's time to stop giving.

Out of context, I may be the most giving person you know.

You would have to answer that honestly in a court of law.

Yeah, I'm not fucking around with you, man.

Yeah,

there's a time that you really, I would really love to see you

just go

see it.

Agree that when I come back to the show,

we'll have read that book.

Oh, absolutely.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Good.

Absolutely.

All right.

We could do

endless fucking

life lessons.

Jiggy to the curb and then we got into the fucking book.

But life lessons, like we'll, our Super Bowls

are just like daily events, though.

Like, you know, it's like driving.

How big is the book?

It's not that big.

Is it like that?

No.

Chapter book?

Yeah, there's chapters.

But like,

you can go from drive, let's say you drive your Sage to school and back, and every day that you have these rage-ons.

Think how awesome it would be just to go and

during that time, you just have a great idea.

Or you just have an idea that's just like you're just not, you're just thinking positive thoughts.

It's tough.

You don't have to have ideas.

It could just be like a nice

frame of mind.

It's like, hey, oh, I don't know.

It's

just planning something for you and Sage to do on the weekend.

Meditation.

Have you done that?

People suggest meditation, but I get distracted too easily.

It's very, very difficult.

That's okay.

Work at it.

Yeah,

all this entails work.

But you worked at get in your body.

Not really.

I just like worked at not

eating.

Yeah, yeah.

That's the case.

Really?

You didn't have to do any exercise to get that?

I didn't do one lick of exercise.

Nope.

I just changed the way I eat.

Wow.

I would have thought exercise was part of the regimen, too.

You feel a ton better, right?

Literally.

Yeah.

Like you just.

Oh, yeah, yeah, you feel better.

But I've still got weight to lose.

That's why I could still do fat news a little bit.

But there is

work involved, though, in being disciplined to not

get involved.

So you're not, you're not.

You've shown you can achieve success through hard work.

It is not going to be easy to turn that the way your brain has been thinking for 50 years around.

You don't want to lose the humor.

You don't want to lose

your quickness.

What's it called?

When you're

the sharpness, but

you could stand to lose some of the fucking bad thoughts that rattle around in there for.

You want to stay alive.

And losing some of the rage will help you stay alive because one day, and I don't think it's that far off, we're going to have that compound.

We're going to have the compound.

I'm more sure that one day we're going to own own 100 acres in the middle of fucking nowhere and have houses on it.

That sounds so fucking awesome.

And I think Moji's going to be literally a compound.

Yeah.

We've talked about it for fucking 20-something years now.

Just keep it.

He was a visionary, more so than people would credit him with.

In the early 2000s, long before podcasting started, remember you were like, we should do a radio show on the internet.

You said we could just like put it on the internet.

It doesn't even have to be on the real radio.

You could have trademarked that shit.

Well, he fucking made fun of me.

So I wouldn't do it.

I was like, what Will you okay?

80s gay, I was labeling, I was labeled 80s gay

for it, yeah.

All right, well, enough of this

Alexa stuff,

yeah.

So they're letting us do ads again, so I got to make sure this one was like really good.

So I put a lot of effort into it.

Remember, this is going to be like it's been a long time since we did an ad, so it's like this has got to be killer.

So the best, the best acting you can do would be appropriate right now.

Oh, man.

Hey, Alicia, why so frustrated?

Hmm?

Oh, I'm just trying to pick out a new mattress out online, and it's so hard to just separate the facts from the hype.

You say you just want the facts, huh?

Well, if it's strictly facts you're looking for, just close your eyes and repeat after me.

I really want you to close your eyes, okay?

Close your eyes.

No, close your eyes.

No, really, this is like near a natural reaction.

I can't do this.

I'm serious, Sylvie.

It's fun.

I'm telling you, I thought of this all day long.

Your eyes closed?

Don't open them.

Okay,

promise me you're not going to open because this is going to be this is the payoff, though.

Payoff.

Okay, all right.

So just close your eyes and repeat after me.

Darkness, drown out light.

Say it.

Oh, darkness, drown out light.

Appear, fiend of fact.

Appear fiend of fact.

Within my sight.

Within my sight.

Open your eyes.

No, no one can see you.

I know it's not video, but

for the effect I'm going for, like, I want this to be killer.

We'll edit all this out.

But I wanted you to have a natural, like, guttural reaction to me seeing me with the mask on and everything.

That's why I gave you the whole ensemble here: the mask, the hat, the cape.

Get the real tongues.

And these are real tongues, too.

I wear a necklace of tongues.

Okay.

Very not dropping after all this work.

Calm yourself, child.

Baron von Flanagan, that's me, has heard your call, child.

The fiend of fact is here to deliver the information you seek.

What kind of facts do you request from me?

Is it sounding like I'm trying to buy a mattress?

I'm trying to buy a mattress.

I can't decide which one.

Can't just separate the

best mattress in any dimension, be it this one or the other fifteen?

Yes.

There is no finer mattress in any dimension, child, than a Casper.

That doesn't sound like a fact.

That sounds like an opinion.

If it's facts you desire, insolent child, it is facts you shall have.

Let me go find the talking points now.

It's good, right?

I wanted the mask to really shock you and to really get you to get you into the uh the the world, immerse you.

But uh, you're right, darling.

We're back on this.

I'm literally getting like deja vu from like the last one.

The facts are, child, Casper products are cleverly designed to mimic human curves, providing supportive comfort for all kinds of bodies.

You spend one-third of your life sleeping, so you should be comfortable.

Fact.

The experts at Casper work tirelessly to make you a quality sleep surface that cradles your natural geometry in all the right places.

Fact.

The original Casper Casper mattress combines multiple supportive memory foams for a quality sleep surface with the right amounts of both sink and bounce.

Fact.

Breathable design helps you sleep, cool, and regulate your body temperature throughout the night.

Fact.

With over 20,000 reviews and an average of 4.8 stars across Casper, Amazon, Google, Casper is becoming the internet's favorite mattress.

Fact.

Casper offers two other mattresses, the Wave and the Essential.

Fact.

The Wave features a patent-pending premium support system to mirror the natural shape of your body.

Fact.

The Essential has a streamlined design at a price that won't keep you up at night.

Casper offers a wide array of other products like pillows and sheets to ensure an overall better sleep experience.

Fact.

All designed, developed, and assembled in the USA.

One of the best facts.

Affordable prices because Casper cuts out the middleman and sells directly to you.

Hassle-free returns if you're not completely satisfied, delivered right to your front door in a small.

How do they do that?

Size box.

Free shipping and returns in the US and Canada.

All facts.

Every single one of them is a fact, not an opinion.

Execution require, I have to say these things.

Casper has a hundred-night risk-free sleep-on-it trial.

Fact.

Personal experience.

Baron von Flanagan owns a Casper mattress.

You own a Casper mattress.

Your sister owns a Casper mattress.

The Baron von Flanagans will only sleep on a Casper.

It is by far,

I know it sounds like I'm just saying this, but I have never

laid upon anything as comfortable as a Casper mattress.

That's a fact.

I know it's also an opinion, but it could also be a fact.

Right?

How's your Casper?

What would you say?

Is it the most comfortable bed you ever slept on?

Yeah, without a doubt.

I mean, I know, I mean, I cannot say without,

I can't even describe the feeling of being cradled

on a Casper.

It's like being in the hand of God.

I say God.

Might be people who.

You have to shorten this down.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it'll get cut.

Okay.

Call to action.

If you're interested in buying a Casper mattress, you have to, and you want to get $50 off, go to casper.com/slash TESD and use the promo code TESD at checkout.

Terms and conditions apply.

I repeat, if you are interested in owning the world's greatest mattress, go to casper.com slash T-E-S-D.

Use the promo code T-S-D T-E-S-D, that's the letter T, the letter E, the letter S, the letter D, at checkout to get $50

off.

Okay, let me go back to my notes here.

This is going to kick

a major butt when it's all put together.

All right.

Well, child, has the Baron supplied you with all the information you seeked?

Is that right, seek?

All the information you seek?

Wait, is seek?

Seek?

I don't know why it says and send.

Because at this, you're supposed to be like the tapping of keyboards, and then you're like, and send.

And you're like,

you sure did, Baron.

What?

Will anybody know that's what's going on?

Because I'm going to put sound effects in there.

You know, the noise that you hear when you hear, like, when something is sent, like, shh.

What am I sending?

You just send an order into Casper.

That's not how it happens when you send an order into a website.

So I think that's going to be a little confusing.

No.

All right, let me do it again.

Can I just cut out the and send?

No, it needs you to say that.

Don't, you're not, what are you not a writer?

You're not, you're changing my copy?

Well, child,

the Baron has surely supplied you with the information you seeked.

And since.

You sure did, Baron.

After hearing all those amazing facts about Casper mattresses, the decision was easy.

I just bought a Casper mattress while you were talking and saved 50 bucks using the TESD code.

What code was that again?

The TESD code.

Well done, child.

Well done.

I just thought of something.

If I'm Baron von Flanagan, that must make you Baroness von Flanagan.

To the devil, a daughter comes a thousand worlds away.

I'll get you a mask and a cape.

We'll go all in.

I mean, you could get, I'll even write you a little poem that, like, you know, hide the darkness, drown out light.

We'll cut you your own poem, and you could become the baroness.

This is why you're gonna lose the ads again.

All right, want to go into one, one, true, one, two, three.

Yeah, Stuart, I'm ready.

Do you want to play a new game?

Cause Walter

I hope I do it correctly.

I don't want to screw this up for you guys.

So I forget, do we, he tells all three stories and then we ask questions, or he tells the story and we ask questions?

We've had people on that that know exactly what they're supposed to do and know that what they're saying we've known for fucking 10 years and fucking say it anyway.

Ming fucked up.

Okay, here's an abridge story.

You know,

they're short.

A couple minutes.

You're never going to guess this one.

It's like a couple sentences, you tell what happened, and then during the questions, you give more.

Got it.

Okay, well, I'll give you, I'll give you my three.

All right.

I went with a theme so I could kind of gather my thoughts.

So, this is all

early jiggy life.

Nice.

Early Jiggy life.

Boston, Jiggy, or Florida, Jiggy?

This is Boston, Jiggy, Growing Up.

Things that you didn't know about me.

Story number one.

Everyone, my last name is Jigarjian, which is a longer Armenian last name, hence the Jiggy.

What people don't know,

people who know Armenians know that I don't look at all Armenian.

And the reason that is because I...

I've been passing for white this whole time.

Get him out of here.

The reason why I don't look Armenian is because I was actually adopted.

And I was adopted at birth.

But that's why I don't.

You don't take on the traits of your adoptive parents, do you?

Oh, no.

What?

No, well, no.

I culturally.

I'm culturally Armenian, but I don't look anything Armenian.

I don't look like my parents.

The Kardashians are

my sister.

Where is Armenia?

It's in

depends.

It's like Middle East or like

all

Eastern Europe.

No, it's still there.

It's very small.

There's like a huge Armenian genocide, right?

You're familiar with that?

I am familiar with that.

I'm culturally Armenian, but I was actually adopted.

I grew up in Lexington, Massachusetts, and there's a big diaspora of Armenians that live in Watertown.

That's why I was adopted

by

my Armenian parents.

So that's.

Oh, wait a minute.

Okay, I can't ask questions.

Is Armenian America?

No, Armenian.

So

you were Armenian traits, but you also were adopted by Armenian parents.

No, I'm culturally Armenian, but I was adopted by Armenians, but I don't look Armenian

because I'm not Armenian.

Okay, all right, gotcha.

So I like eat the food, and like I know, like, because

I was raised culturally Armenian.

Okay.

So that's story number one.

Story number two, not a lot of people know about young Jiggy, is I actually, this is the last two stories, I actually got in trouble.

So when I I was in high school, I got into a lot of trouble because me and three of my friends would go and for about six months, we would go to different luxury cars and we would steal the emblems off the cars.

Like the hood ornaments.

And we keep the hood ornaments in a shoebox.

And one of my friends, whose parent is a police officer, found the box of hood ornaments and we all got called in and our parents got called and I was threatened with prosecution but ended up just having being grounded for a long period of time and the school nearly had to get involved.

But

there was hundreds of hood ornaments from my town

like every luxury car that we could find, we stole the hood ornaments and I was in charge of the whole operation.

You were the ringleader?

The ringleader.

Story number three: not a lot of people know about Young Jiggy, is I got in trouble again

when I was started working on stage when I was 15 for an improv group at my high school that was called Drama of Social Issues.

And it was taught by this guy, Mr.

Bogart.

And me and Mr.

Bogart always clashed on things.

And our first performance in front of the entire school was 1,100 people at the school.

And in front of 1,100 people after the show, he cut one of my scenes.

And I got so upset that I physically pushed him.

I didn't want to like, I wasn't trying to like hurt, I didn't want to hurt him, but he actually fell off the stage and sprained his ankle.

I know which one I want to be true.

And I got

nearly suspended.

The only reason I didn't get suspended is because the show was so successful that he decided to back off like pushing the suspension.

But he actually fell off the stage about four foot,

you know, off the

theater stage and sprained his ankle so severely that he was in a cache for like, I don't even know, like, I think a month, month and a half.

Cash me outside.

Mr.

Bogart.

All right.

So those are the three stories.

Okay, so we have

you're adopted.

We have you're the ringleader of a hood ornament theft ring

and you pushed

you were in a you were a drama fag and you pushed Mr.

Bogart off the stage.

No.

It was 90s.

Maybe 2000.

All right.

Well, okay.

So

let me hit the adoption questions first.

Do you know who your real parents are?

No, never pursued it because it was at birth and I've never even considered going after it.

Were you in an Armenian orphanage or an American orphanage?

Or were you ever were you in an orphanage?

How did they adopt you?

I'm not

blood Armenian.

I'm culturally Armenian because my parents are Armenian.

I don't know exactly.

Oh, okay.

I had it backwards.

I'm sorry.

All right, let me adjust my question.

I'm sort of white.

So did I.

Yeah.

Yeah, because you don't look Armenian, so I thought that's why you were adopted.

Okay.

No, that is.

That is the.

Yeah, you have it right.

I do have it right.

You're culturally Armenian because your parents are Armenian, but you're not.

But I'm not.

I don't know.

I'm sure I'm not

Armenian parents.

Got your parents.

He was raised by Armenian parents.

Why were you giving up?

Do you know?

I don't know.

I don't know my parents.

But they didn't talk about it.

My parents, they're good,

you know, and they had my sister naturally.

She's older or younger?

Younger.

That's your three questions.

Oh, that counts.

Sister?

Sister question?

Yeah, let me just get one more.

Well,

three on each story.

Right, right.

Okay, I'll move on to the next story.

The next story was the hood ornament, which I do not believe.

I feel like I hardly even have to ask questions for this one because fucking getting a hood ornament off of a car.

Like, we used to steal chrome caps when we were young to put on our bikes and shit.

What was the most sought-after

emblem?

Well, the Mercedes ones were the ones that we go after the most.

And then there was, this was in like early 2000s.

I was in seventh or eighth grade.

So there was like a, I think there was like a Mercedes that came out that was like convertible that had a gold emblem instead of the silver regular one.

And so to get the gold Mercedes emblem was the biggest side effort one.

And also, they had an SUV in the time, the Mercedes SUV had like the oversized Mercedes emblem on the front.

And so if you could pry that one off, that was like the number one you can get because they were oversized Mercedes.

Pry it off what?

You get it off the front of the car because at the front of the SUV was like a big giant Mercedes one instead of the regular little hood ornament one.

What was your ultimate goal once you collected all these?

We that was we didn't have a goal that we just put them in a box and like we out of all the people that put them at any person's house, we kept them at our friends who was a police officer, his parent was a police officer.

That was the big mistake, but we didn't really have a goal to sell them or anything.

I was going to say, were you guys in the resource room together?

No, we didn't have any goal to sell them.

It was just like, I guess, a hot, like a really destructive hobby.

Okay.

How many other guys were in your ring?

Three.

Three other guys?

So a total of four.

And once the police officer found the

emblems, what happened from there?

We got all of our parents got called and they were,

you know, I think he threatened us with like prosecution of like

property damage or whatever that would be, but like didn't pursue it.

And we all just got, you know, grounded and they thought about telling the school, but they ended up not doing that because that would just look bad.

Like, all the parents decided just to kind of not.

Cover it up.

I guess, yeah.

Covering it up, cops.

And then there was Mr.

Bogart,

who cut your number at the last minute because you guys were always clashing

in front of 1,100 people, your big dance routine.

It wasn't a thing.

What were you doing?

What was the.

So the class was Drama of Social Issues, and it was billed as an improv cl class, but it really was a sketch writing class.

And over the quarter, you would develop these sketches and then you'd perform them, perform all the sketches for the one, all the good ones for the entire school at the end of the quarter.

So I was in this sketch called Marcus, which I played like this character, Marcus, and right before the show started, he cut that one for time.

And that was like my best, like the funniest sketch I worked on all quarter.

Hmm.

Did Mr.

Bogart get hurt?

Yeah, he sprained his ankle.

Sprained his ankle?

Well, I I'm just trying to think of this injury that where you pushed him off in front of everyone?

Like everyone saw him get pushed off a stage?

It was backstage.

I thought you pushed him right off.

You said he fell four feet.

I didn't push him.

Yeah, he did.

He fell four feet, but I I didn't push him in front of 1,100 people.

It was like backstage.

And he went flying through the curtains?

No.

And fell how did he fall off the stage?

He fell'cause he didn't fall off the front of the stage.

He fell off the side of the stage?

There was like this.

Yeah, it was there was like a lift, like a stair lift.

I don't know, like,

and he fell back onto a stage

hand, yeah.

No, like, I don't know.

There was like something back there.

He fell, and uh, it was like got him on the ropes.

No, there was like a staircase, and he like no further questions, Jiggy.

All right, you, all right, okay.

Um,

I would much prefer that your last name was Jignatowski.

When did they tell you you were adopted?

I found out when I was in middle school.

Um I started to like kind of wonder because I didn't look anything like my parents and like I didn't look anything like my sister and so I I

you know it was around that age where you're like you're a little more inquisitive and like I

I brought it up and they were honest with me and they asked me if I wanted to like pursue like find my parents and I I decided that I it wasn't something I wanted to do.

It wasn't like I was like living a f like foster care or anything like that.

It was at birth, so I decided not to pursue it.

Why did your parents adopt?

I don't know if they couldn't have another child, but they had my sister, and then, or I don't know.

So I guess maybe they just want

a second child, like a boy and a girl.

All right, moving on to the

cars.

How much did your father make a year, on average?

Estimate.

You don't have to give me exact numbers.

How much

tax returns?

Like over six figures.

Like he did well.

This is about what with the father, the cars?

And you're asking what his father did?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm really, that's a stretch.

Why does that have affected?

Because I want to know what type of neighborhood he lived in.

Okay.

And what sort of cars would be parked in his neighborhood?

Okay.

But if his father's pulling out six figures, then it's believable there might be Mercedes parked in his neighborhood.

All right.

You know what?

I apologize to you.

No problem.

That's a good question.

Thank you.

He had the right answer, though.

I mean, it's better than him asking, like,

was he injured when he fucking told him that he fucking he fell off and was in a cast for five?

Oh, I didn't hear you say it was in a cast.

I didn't get it in a cast.

Oh, I didn't hear the cast part.

That's why it was like the guy falls four feet in front of 1,100 people, and they're like, ah, don't worry about it, you're fine.

I've been hard on him for these last couple of episodes.

I wasn't going to call into question the

ridiculousness of the question.

Now, be positive, asshole.

Go.

Go.

This is why.

You tried to.

See, that's the thing.

You know what?

You tried to ask a good question.

It didn't turn out this time.

You failed.

But maybe next time you do ask a good question, that makes sense.

Instead of something he told you.

You know what?

All your questions weren't bad, though.

You had some goings in there, too.

Oh, thanks.

Thank you, Daddy.

Everybody's faulting.

You should jiggy's dad by the end of this.

Okay.

So, who routed you out?

No one routed us out.

They found my friend's dad found the shoebox full of

ornaments.

He doesn't know what you.

Fuck a policeman.

Yeah, I mean, it was in the.

It was in the

backyard.

I thought you were like, well, how did he know they were stolen?

I thought you meant.

No, no, no.

If my father found the box, he had to be like, what's the story?

Some kid had to break down or something.

No, I mean, I think

like even to this day, like I s don't know, but like that my friend Alex, whose dad was a police officer, I think that he

caved when presented.

Well, I don't know, like, I don't know if he was like tipped off or something.

That kid could have been, like, it was me.

Doesn't have to sell out any other friends.

Yeah, to call all the parents around and then, like, turn everybody out.

And then finally,

what happened with all those ornaments in the end?

Oh, he took them.

We never saw him again.

He just took them.

Yeah, he took him.

He disposed of them.

I've never seen him again.

Got rid of the evidence.

Good cover-up.

Are we on to

Mr.

Bulger?

Mr.

Bogart.

Mr.

Bogart.

So,

what was your relationship with Mr.

Bogart like after that?

It was interesting because

he liked me.

He liked me as a student, and he thought that I was funny.

And if I'm honest, he was the one who really pushed me to do stand-up.

He was the first person to say, you should try to stand up.

I think you'd be good at it based on that class.

You were probably the first person to push me.

I think the reason why I even could even get myself to put my hand on him to like I didn't want to hurt him, but the reason why I even felt that comfortable is because he did like me.

We did have a good relationship.

He was a baseball coach in the way of he pushed me to do better.

So, like, the way that you shove a baseball coach off his story.

You didn't get along with the guy when he told the story?

I didn't get along with him then because

he cut my scene out of the show.

So, I was like really upset with him.

But, like, we had gotten along for the entire class.

That's why I felt comfortable enough to

injure him.

All right.

Did your parents find out about it?

Yes.

That was like that.

First, the emblems, novice.

They did find out about that.

But I didn't get in trouble.

They tried to, they almost went for suspension.

It sounded like you just fucking got to do whatever you want with no repercussions.

I know.

Like, physically attacking T3.

I didn't physically attack him.

He's all falling apart.

Yeah, it was like I nudged him.

I nudged him, but

it wasn't like a.

Yeah, I didn't like.

Like a pal who undermines you

to parent.

I did feel bad about it, though.

I felt bad about it.

Why, Daddy?

Do you remember the bit that was cut?

Marcus.

Tell us about that.

It was

a character named Marcus.

He was like a nerdy guy who played Badminton.

And the line that I was so excited to do was like this voice, which I probably can't remember, but it was like this really nasally voice.

And every answer to every question was that like he wanted to go play Badminton he go I want to go play badminton and like he wore suspenders and like these big glasses

and uh it was very Urkelish yeah did you steal this from Urkel yeah it was yeah it was like 14 or 15

did I do that to the badminton racket I feel I know which is the real one story one for just one second what was the name of the it was social what was it drama of social issues DSI sage comes home and she's like hey I'm gonna be in a play called drama of social issues I'd be like, you're going back to your mother's house.

Get the fuck away from me.

I'm not going to fucking watch that shit.

No way.

Okay.

Yeah.

That would be, that's the exact opposite.

You should be supporting whatever play she's in, though.

If she's in a play, I'm going to put an Alexa in my seat.

All right.

The first story.

Were you raised Islam?

No.

Armenia is actually the...

It was the first.

So you're not going to blow the place up.

well you said it was middle eastern but armenia was actually the first christian nation believe it or not that's why all the uh

all the uh

every all armenian last names end in

sign

let's get let's get to the bottom of this one true three first

armenian last names end in ian because of uh for christian it was the first christian nation so i am so you're raised christian i was raised christian catholic whenever you praise god it ends in kaboom

All right, but you said you were raised in an Armenian culture.

Yes.

Tell us what it means to be raised in Armenian culture.

What does Armenian culture entail?

I think just like the family values, really.

That's a good question.

I don't know, like big, kind of like Italian or like Jewish, like very big family, very family-oriented.

He's just repeating the plot of Big Jack Greek World.

Yeah, Joey Fatone was there.

My grandparents tried to teach me some Armenian inch pesses, which is hello or thank you.

And

that was my third question.

Name me a typical Armenian dinner.

Typical Armenian dinner, rice pilaf with

like

Greek yogurt on top, grape leaves, yalanchi,

baklava for dessert.

Don't you live in Brooklyn?

No, I live in the East Village.

Still kind of hipstery.

But yeah, she's not going to fucking

real restaurants.

I dry meat, kudaif, which is a dessert.

So at this point, I'm going to give you a little

something I know about Chigi that might help.

His girlfriend,

not white.

Not white.

I tell him, Tay, let's get the fuck out of here.

That's all we needed to know.

So you do admit it.

There's something here for the world.

He has exposure to other cultures, is my point.

He's out there mixing.

Okay, so he would have exposure to

race mixing.

You said you were called in

for

the car emblems.

By my parents.

Called in where?

My parents

found out about it.

So the kids' dad called.

I'm assuming all the parents, I know all the parents.

And so I remember I came back from school one day.

My mom was like, well, I had a very interesting conversation with Mr.

Hoder.

And like that just

sent the whole thing into motion.

And that's our cover was blown.

Why didn't you just deny it?

I don't know.

I felt like when you're like, I was probably 12, you know, when you have the kids,

dad, who's a police officer, I grew up since I was like three,

and he sold us out.

Like, I just figured it would be better just to like own up to it.

And,

you know, especially since it wasn't like they asked me, Did you do this?

They were like, We know you did this.

And like, at that point, I knew I was like, okay, I'm going to own up to it.

Oh, my God.

I just had a question.

It just rolled flew right out of my head.

So seriously, she's not white.

Who is down?

Who was color charging?

Who was the best out of your crew?

It wasn't me.

It was not me.

It was my friend Ben, who was like really,

he was like the revolutionary of

it.

Yeah, he was good.

He got us like new tools,

like different types of pliers and stuff.

I wasn't very good at it, but I was always up for these little runs.

My last question is, why on earth would you all just not keep the emblems you took?

Why wouldn't you just keep the ones that you took?

And

your friends keep the ones they took.

Yeah, was this like Herman Munster's shoebox?

No, we didn't think it was a shoebox.

Yeah, we had, I don't know, it was kind of like a stash.

And I didn't want to keep it and mine.

You're trying to ingratiate yourself.

We had a, yeah.

He's on the hot seat.

But the kid who held onto him, he had like the biggest house

with the most potential hiding places in the biggest yard.

That's why he held on to him.

Oh, Cop had the biggest house over a man with six figures.

He didn't?

Okay.

All right, on to Mr.

Mr.

Bongart.

This one I have is there's not much to ask on this one.

Exactly how often did he molest you?

What on the baseball team, what did he,

what kind of coach was he?

He wasn't a baseball team.

He was my drama teacher.

He was a drama teacher.

You said that you knew that.

No, he was like a baseball coach in the sense that

he was very inspiring to me.

He pushed me to do things like a baseball coach would.

He wasn't a baseball coach.

I wasn't the only one.

He was not athletic at all.

He was a drama guy.

Were you on the baseball team while you were also on the drama team?

It wasn't a drama team.

It was a class.

It was called Drama Association.

It was a drama team.

I lettered him.

All right.

It was a class, like, for credit.

It was a for-credit class.

Okay.

But you were on the baseball team at the time?

I was on the baseball team, yep.

And you were doing, like,

you were an athlete

who was also on stage performing?

Yes.

He's like James Franco in Freaks and Geeks, right?

Like,

oh, you never saw it?

Oh, it's fucking really good.

Played Dungeon.

Dungeon.

Thanks.

Yeah,

no Thanco.

He tried to get a girl's number.

Fucking piece of shit.

Animal.

You said that Mr.

Blow him off.

No part of him.

Why is he not in jail?

I'm sorry.

I just.

The world's topsy-turvy.

I don't understand what's going on.

Mr.

Bulger.

You said you attribute him as being the first person to

kind of support you in your talents as a comedian.

Yes.

Did you ever try to

get in touch with Mr.

Bulger?

Bogart.

Bogar.

Bulger was our teacher.

He was our science teacher.

I won't play the fucking scarecrow.

Did you ever get back in touch with him after you succeeded in becoming a comedian?

I have not spoken with him since

high school graduation, but I would.

I remember I actually went back to my high school last year.

It was

to go look for him, and

he wasn't there.

But I would contact him.

When I graduated high school, that was when

the teachers didn't have email addresses or anything.

So I don't have any.

Where would that have been?

That was 2000, when I was in that class, 2000,

two.

No emails.

And you pitched on your college team in 2009?

Yeah.

Did you ever play?

I played baseball in college from 05 to 09, and I was in the high school from 01 to 05.

Did you ever playfully call him Mr.

Bulge?

2001?

So you're a fan of.

That plays out.

That one checks out.

But I would get in touch with him.

If I had an email, I would get in touch with him for that reason.

I thought about it.

You couldn't have found it.

I haven't looked him up on Facebook.

The man who put you on your path to where you who you're.

I haven't looked him up on Facebook because I don't even know his first name, to be honest with you.

I wouldn't know where to start there.

All right.

All right.

And you're on my fucking team for hunting serial killers.

You can't find your fucking teacher on Facebook.

Christ Almighty.

Do you guys have your choices?

I have my choices.

So do I.

You want to just

everybody like everybody reveals them.

You don't say

not yet.

You just write down a number.

Okay.

This one is the one that's real.

Yeah, just write the real one down.

Okay.

You got a choice?

Mrs.

Johnson?

She's Mrs.

Johnson.

No, she got no choices.

I saw to that.

Mrs.

J, what does Mrs.

J think?

Yeah, one, two, or three, honey.

Two.

She says two.

She says two is the true one.

The emblem stealing.

Well, if I wanted to get her to take her bra off, I'm going to have to agree and say it's number two.

No, I actually think it's

the true one.

Yeah, that's what we're after.

Yeah,

I know.

I actually think it's probably number two.

I don't think you shove a teacher four feet from a fucking stage and walk away like, ah, he was just annoyed.

The number one?

He was good with the number one, though, with your question.

I think that would come up, though, and him going cue, though.

Raised Armenian.

Yeah, eating grape leaves all day.

Not really past his Uber stories.

I'm going to go with two of these.

Oh, wait, but Brian has a way to know.

Yeah, yeah, I'm going to go with number two.

That's a final answer, too?

That's a final answer.

Yeah,

I don't think he's assaulting teachers.

Or fucking eating food.

Did anybody look up while he was saying any of these things?

Is he right about Armenia being a Christian country?

Oh, I think he is, yeah.

Just you want to suss him out as a fucking Muslim?

Like, by any means necessary?

You're like, we need to triple fact check this shit.

You're going to have to put that on the census.

Tell him, Steve, Dave Town Census.

I think it's two as well.

I'm going to tell you why.

He completely fell apart with the shoving of the teacher, and somehow he's backstage.

My shitty question yielded some good results.

Yeah, because he said you shove them backstage, and there's two stages then, because there would be two.

The stage you would fall off in the front where all the crowd is.

Why would there be another stage in the back that he could fall off?

And I feel also, I think he did sell during the story that they didn't get along, and then he changed it later.

I thought there was a little inconsistency there.

These are best friends.

The reason one gives me pause is because he does have an unusual

last, I mean, I know he's no normal, according to the news,

but he does

have a.

There's a reason we call him JE.

What's the last name again?

Gigargian.

I can't remember it, and I've known the guy five years.

Gargian.

Chigarjian.

I've known him a couple years.

I don't know his first name.

94.8% Christian.

Wow.

Right?

He knows about Armenia, though.

And that's the Armenian

I've ever met.

Apostolistic Church.

Yeah,

I'm going back between one and two,

but.

How could he not tell you he's adopted, though?

Also, I think there's an inconsistency between

the cop having the biggest.

I know what Boston cops make, and it is not more.

They don't have bigger houses than $600,000 Armenian dudes.

They just don't.

So

I can't believe I can ask him what his father did to make those six figures.

You would have to tell me, even if you didn't want to.

You're playing the game.

So I'm going to go with two.

I'm going to go with two.

Two.

So two's across the board so far, right?

Across the board.

Yeah.

The fact he knew the Armenian is a Christian country, no one would know that.

No one.

No one would know that.

No, unless Rachel told Ross on Friends.

Yeah, he may have heard that like he was watching some show.

He heard that or watching some dock.

He knew the food, too, though.

He lives in New York.

He may have dated.

That's why I wondered if he lived in Brooklyn and they're eating hipster meals all day.

Yeah, again, he

raised in a house Christian, though.

Well, were your parents religious?

He didn't say if his parents were religious.

I was raised.

You don't have the answer.

I'm going to go with

number three just because

I feel that

it's just kind of boring.

You're going to go with number three.

You think he shoved his teacher off a stage?

I think, yeah, I don't think.

I think that he may have went up to him and tried to console him, hey, we're going to have to cut this.

And maybe he had his arm around him, and he was like, get off me, and like he was upset.

Seems like he's an emotional dude.

He's all over the place.

He looks like he might get a little upset, especially if it's his passion.

Yeah.

You know?

He became a professional entertainer, not a professional baseball player, so it would be his prof his

passion.

Nothing to do with his talent.

Well, he had an 84 mile per hour fastball.

86 million.

What's the fastest, though?

He's still low and ride.

Well, you're saying that, right?

You're saying, like,

you didn't have what it took to become a major baseball player.

No, no, I'm not sure.

You're a major league baseball player.

That's impressive.

I thought he was a bat boy.

That's crazy.

You see the camera.

No, I'm not saying he can't.

You can expect 84 miles.

People are like, wow.

Look how frail he is.

And he throws slower than everyone else, but

he's got gumption.

Yeah.

Was this his make-a-wish?

Why the fuck is he on the mound?

Wow.

Okay, Jiggy.

I'll go on with number three.

I just feel it's just kind of like

just kind of, it just feels like it would be the real one.

If he fooled us all,

that's a stunning debut.

Then you're definitely out.

Well, yeah, it would be stunning.

It would be

like throwing a no-hitter.

Right.

So

how do I reveal?

We're being able to perform Marcus.

But give us a little bit of tension and be like, drag it out just a little bit.

You're a showman, Jiggy.

You know how to do it.

Is there a commercial break we can go to?

No, we don't do any commercials anymore.

I thought you said you wanted to do a commercial.

Do you say you want to break something up?

Well, but that's going to play at another point.

All right, so I guess in

let me do this in the way.

I'll go build the drama because we have three options, so I'm going to cut one initially

to get to a final one.

So

I

was

not adopted.

Whoa!

I was not adopted.

Are you really Armenian?

My family is Armenian, but I was not adopted, and I look exactly like my mom and my dad and my sister.

But I was definitely not adopted.

I was in LA.

When I was in Rehab, they let me go on a day pass to In N Out, and I went to like Little Armenia.

Every single girl looks like Kim Kardashian.

They all have that real, like, nice look.

They all look like my father.

It is true, I don't look Armenian, though.

You got some Armenian hair.

Go on now.

You're really good in my

Armenian household, like a lot of Armenian from the

motherland.

On my dad's side, definitely very

Armenian.

But I don't look Armenian, so

I feel like a seventh grader sitting next to a chick with no bra.

No, no, they don't have their own movies.

Own music, though.

Oh, there's a big house music.

Yeah, it's like very

classical, like kind of like Russian.

No, like they're clapping the little

gypsies and shit, or the Indians?

The Hindus?

That's a cool fucking dance.

One of us is right.

Right.

One of us is wrong.

So the two stories that we have left are the emblems, the hood ornaments, and Mr.

Bogart.

Mr.

Bogart.

Mr.

Bogart is a real teacher.

It's not a real story.

But I never pushed him off a stage.

The hood ornaments

was real.

Wow.

So we got it right.

You're always right, baby.

True story.

When I was, yeah, I was 12 years old.

Hey,

even asking shitty questions, I got it right.

I was part of a little hood ornament gang when I was 12.

But yeah, your friend did rat you out.

There's no two ways about it.

And the reason I thought about that is I just saw him for the first time in probably like six or seven years.

I just saw him.

He came to my show at the the Friars Club on Friday night.

And we were talking about that story.

The kid whose dad found the hood ornaments.

And that's why he didn't.

It wasn't a big deal because the cop's like, fuck, fucking stupid son.

I'll cover it.

Oh, yeah.

If they'd been with anyone else, you pretty much had to be able to do that.

He threatened to do something.

But yeah,

it wasn't a good look.

Wow.

All right.

All right, Jiggy.

All right, but now you made your best to be on that, but now I got a little fucking dyslexia for you now.

Let's see.

Let's see how

you thought that you think you were.

Before we get into that, can I, because I just want to say goodbye to the audience for a little bit.

Okay.

And, you know, I'm definitely going to miss this.

And,

you know.

Who knows if

I'll go down to the set visit.

Maybe a Space Monkeys will pop up somewhere.

Who knows?

That would be very welcome.

That would be very welcome.

I can't be without you for that long.

I just can't.

That wasn't even an option.

But it's with a heavy heart that I do leave.

And hopefully, you know, I will send those in.

So

it'll still be around.

It'll go away.

You know what?

At least you're doing it to go and further your career and all that shit.

It's not because you're out of control and on drugs and have to miss a month.

Okay, now on top.

Just one F, just one clue.

This is a game we play where you got to come up with the opposite.

Just one.

We're only going to do one, make it quick.

These guys know the answer already.

What do I have to do?

I give you two, it's a two-word answer.

Okay.

Let's say, for example,

let's say I gave you the

hate mansion.

What is the opposite of hate mansion?

Like, Playboy Mansion?

Well, you know, you're close.

Love Shack.

Except.

Oh, okay.

All right.

So we're not doing it where the words are reverse.

Yeah, this is his first time.

Okay.

Wait, so both of the words are the opposite of what it is.

Got it.

Not just the.

Roughly speaking.

Okay.

All right.

I can handle that.

I get the game.

Let's

just do an easy one for you.

Warm them up.

Single blind.

Think of your girlfriend.

Single blind.

And

if this was a sanction match, I would have reversed that to blind, single.

Because everything it's dyslexia, it's backwards.

But for you, it's single, blind.

I got this one.

We've done it already, that's why you got it.

Yeah, it didn't make sense then.

I got it a while ago, which is why I made the joke at his lady's expense.

God.

Okay, single?

So double?

There you go.

So double

and blind is sight, double or double vision.

Everything, Jerry.

Yeah, nice.

Do you see a theme emerging here, Jake?

I see what's happening.

Okay.

Oh, because are they

shitty songs you never want to hear again?

They're all songs, but they're not always songs.

They could be like

Conceive Bill.

I'm sorry, Conceive.

Oh, fuck.

Conceive coin.

That would have been Kill Bill.

Okay.

Get it?

Got it.

Do you make these up, or is there a website you're getting these?

Me and get them, get them.

Me and get them.

We've created this game.

Okay.

And we are pitching it to them.

Me and Get him, get them, and we got them.

All right, how about this?

Wait, who are you pitching it to?

A network.

Who?

Me and Giddem.

Simmy?

Paper Dwarf.

It's tight-lipped.

Is it a laugh?

What's the opposite of paper?

Good luck.

And dwarf.

Something giant,

rock giant, rock.

Sorry, Jiggy.

You were doing so well, too.

Iron Giant.

That was pretty good.

I said, what did I say?

Yeah, it was pretty good, but it wasn't good enough.

What?

One more?

One more.

Now he's starting to get.

I got giant.

I got 50%.

Abstinence out the country.

What?

Abstinence out in the country.

Out the country.

Abstinence out the country.

Sex in the city.

Yeah.

Life curse.

Death wish.

Freeze on fire.

Ow.

Satisfied works.

You got cocky.

Yeah.

Satisfied.

God.

Do you know this one?

I don't know any of them.

Yeah.

Even when you get them, you still don't know them.

It's all a shot.

It was satisfied,

hunger, works, games.

Hunger games.

That's a stretch.

Oh,

I've had people get it, though.

I've had people get it.

Yeah, get them.

Works?

How is works in games?

Oh, it's the opposite of a game.

What are you talking about?

Works?

What's the opposite of going to work?

Games?

Yeah, duh.

How is games the opposite of play?

What's the opposite of work and play

or play?

If you get the opposite of horse, you're out

Yeah, that's the last one.

The opposite of horse.

Horse?

Yeah.

That's the only one.

There's always a horse.

Well, yeah, this is just because he's always throwing horse in my face.

Horse?

He's always throwing horse in my face.

Horse.

Satisfied.

Games, the opposite of workers.

That's such a stretch.

Horse.

Horse,

the opposite of a horse.

I don't know.

You graduated college and you're not getting this?

Dog.

Dog?

No.

No.

Duh.

Car.

It's a mechanical.

It has wheels.

A horse is an animal.

It has legs.

Come on, Jiggy.

Opposites.

Work game.

Yeah.

But like, both of those are assuming.

Work game is like you're assuming that like if you don't work, then you're at home and then you play games.

Yeah, but you and I have to.

He's arguing the lives.

The challenge of the game, though, this is where

I have to explain to a lot of people: is

mostly everyone, except for me and Giddam.

There are not natural opposites to every word.

There are no such thing as real opposites to every word.

That's what they want you to believe.

So, the challenge of the game look at Alex Jones over here

is you know for a fact there's no real opposite to works, right?

I mean, hunger games, games.

So, you have to go, well, games, work,

play.

You play a game, opposite of play, work.

It's thinking linearly and laterally.

Yeah.

You're thinking too laterally.

Jiggy.

You have been your whole life.

The challenge of the game and what makes it fun is that

there are not always exact opposites to these words.

So the opposite of human.

You have to start casting that reel.

And if that first word, if there is an exact opposite, that helps you.

And also, we give categories like songs.

But you say the opposite of a horse is a car?

Yeah.

But I don't think that's the opposite.

It doesn't matter what you're saying.

You're alone.

He's gaslighted us into believing it.

But you don't understand.

There has to be.

But you see, we wouldn't have just given him course.

It was.

No, I don't remember.

It was a police car.

So it was burglar, horse.

What's the opposite of a burglar?

Police.

Right.

So now you're like, so you know you got police.

You know your police is right.

Now you go to your horse and you're like,

well, police what?

What are two words that are that are synonymous with like a dog?

I would say police dog man.

Police dog.

Well, how's a dog?

If a dog is a bigger dog,

a horse is a big dog.

But it's still an animal, though.

It's still a living creature.

It's not mechanical, Jiggy.

Yeah, it's not mechanical.

It doesn't have wheels.

Exact cue.

No, yes.

Yes, we did.

TB twelve, bitch.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

set me free.

Let me release him.

It's of king me.

Set

me down in the sky.

Take the geary shadows.

Go and go to my skin.

Life

of the light.

Tired of this darkness.

Endless tail endless night.

No,

yeah, tiny truth of old My home.

I feel all my bone,

my neck can feel

tired,

tired,

tired.

Breathe

it down to the breath.

Oh, body is permitted.

Wish you feel the

free.

Fire

My soul is on fire.

Won't she be somewhat

to dampen this desire?

Break,

feel I'm going to break.

Twisting in the wind

to see how much I can take.

Free,

I won't ever be free.

Lock the door and turn.

I want hear the key.

Tyler

Tai

Tai Nate

Township.

Said the thing that you said to me.

Set a feeling you set me free.

Set a feeling you set me free.

Set a feeling to set me free.

Set a feel to set me free.

Set a feeling you set me free.

Set a feeling you set me free.

Set a feeling to set me free.

Set a feel to set me free.

Set a feeling you're setting free.

Set a feeling just setting free.

Set a feeling

Okay, time for some dyslexia.

Big pull-up McClues here from last week.

We had

these are the clues from last week, and I gotta say, I was very happy with the response to last week's dyslexia.

Excuse me.

Not a lot of emails.

Not even

wrong emails.

Just a handful.

There was a man who did get the answers right, which shocked me.

But I was very happy

to see

just people stymied.

It made me really feel like I achieved something last week.

Or maybe just people

are just not playing anymore.

Maybe that could be the reason.

But I choose to believe it's because

you're bamboozled.

But anyway, last week,

the clues were

hate

or pacifist hate,

and that was Love Warrior.

Second clue was Yamaka's max

minus plugs.

No, actually, it was Yamaka's Max

Plugs butt.

And that was Tampons and Mini Sombreros.

And the final clue was Cat Bible Yore.

And obviously that was It's Porn Dog.

And I guess now people are.

That's the sound of a million people slapping their foreheads as they realize

those were all

previous titles to Tell'em Steve Dave episodes.

So

feeling the glow off of stumping everyone last week, I'm going to make it a little bit easier this week.

Again, send in your answers to KMews2 at Gmail.

And if you get the answers right, if you're the first person to answer in with your address, you're going to get a Prussian mini Kissing Devil skull.

All right, so.

And if you chew, and you felt like, you know, I know I've seen, I've looked at some of the sales of the Prussian mini kissing devil skull.

I looked at the merch table, I looked at the stock.

It's dwindling.

It's definitely dwindling

since the advent of the dyslexia home game where since we've implemented this last couple weeks ago.

All right, so this week's clue, and I appreciate that, you people going and ordering some skulls.

It's really helping out a lot.

But this week's clues will be

continent wants lungs.

Again, continent wants lungs.

Clue two,

dumb give,

dumb give.

Clue three,

individual manning.

Individual manning, clue three.

You need the theme of all those clues.

Need your address, and you need to be the first one to get

all the answers answers right, though.

And you will win a chance to win,

well, you will win a Prussian kissing mini Devil Skull.

Available only at tellhamstevedave.merchtable.com.

All right.

Thank you for playing and good luck.

This has been a production of Smodco Internet Radio.

Sir, only at Smodcast.com.