#356: Better Late Than Never

Where does it stop, Walt?

Where does it stop?

When it stops being funny.

motherfucker.

You have to treat everybody, everybody's

the same.

My entire existence is built on nepotism.

Tell them, Steve, Dave.

Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

We are back.

Post-Halloween video.

Walt, you said you were very happy with it.

You're excited.

Blown away by it.

Yeah, the

Brian Rupert and his buddy Steve and the other guy who I can't remember his name, I feel bad, but he was a Pittsburgh Penguin fan.

They fucking

nailed it.

And yeah, I couldn't be happier with it.

All right.

Do you really feel bad about not remembering the third guy's name?

I do, because he was a nice guy, and

he was a nice guy.

Yeah, they were all nice guys, but I, yeah, but he it was not as memorable.

No, he's definitely memorable.

I remember he was a Pittsburgh Penguins fan.

Right.

It's probably more about the Penguins than about him, though.

Yeah.

Yeah, your Devils are doing well, I hear.

Is that a jinx?

Yeah.

I just jinxed you?

Yeah, yeah, as usual.

As soon as you mention the Devils.

I heard it from someone else.

There's a history when you mention the Devils.

things don't go well for them.

I'm like a cooler, like a hockey cooler.

Like if I go to a devils game,

they look up in the stands and I'm like, rah, rah, and then they lose.

Game over.

Yeah.

So there was a big,

there was a big response to your

anti-shut up, Sage.

It's okay.

Sage's here.

You want to say hi?

No.

I don't want to say anything.

Now you're nervous.

There was a big response to

your overbite shaming.

The commercial about your overbite shaming.

Yeah, I feel.

A big response where?

On Twitter.

I got some emails.

There are a lot of people

who are equally as proud of their overbites

and feel that you're in the right, that there should be no shaming going on.

Well, I mean, if there's no body shaming, there really shouldn't be any teeth shaming.

It's part of the body, right?

But I said

checked.

It's a very important part.

Without your teeth.

I mean, if you're asking me your last three girlfriends, then no.

It's a domestic violence joke.

Come on.

Oh, was that what that was?

Yeah.

Oh, I thought you were talking about the quality of girls.

I saw Derek.

Oh, you knocked their teeth?

Yes.

Okay, got it.

Wait, I'd like to back up.

Yeah, that's a better joke.

But

you can't live the same quality of life you're living right now without any teeth Q.

I don't know if you realize this.

I have would change dramatic, drastically.

Three

I have four implants and like five caps.

Most of my teeth are fake.

Right, but if they were gone,

but if they were gone, your life would change drastically.

Not for the better.

You think that, like, would it affect impractical jokers if he has no teeth?

His whole face is sunken and basically.

I think it would.

and he's trying to impractically joke someone and they're like oh

rotted stumpy teeth

meth mouth

I don't think it would go well I don't think it would last long without if you were the known as the toothless joker yeah well it's not like the four of us are really like

we're fucking pretty average or sub-average oh really but but average is like that's good relative to like does he have teeth

oh for sure yeah

But even think about your diet, though.

Yeah.

You wouldn't be able to eat the same foods.

No, it would be, it would be, it would be horrible.

So don't worry about it.

You should give great blowjobs, though.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But how many blowjobs

would you start to give if you had no teeth?

Probably not.

That's why I haven't given any, but

it's not as if he's waiting until he's 90.

He's going to start sucking dick.

But anyway, so what I've decided to do was

last year,

last, not this past season, the season before, I wore a Telum Steve Dave, or it's actually a black baseball jersey with a Telum TESD patch on it,

the big

four-colored demons patch

on the back.

And you signed it.

I signed it.

Walt signed it.

Mike and Ming and Kev all signed this jersey.

Cool.

And that is going to be the prize.

for the first annual Miss TESD Overbite contest.

We're wasting that prize on this?

Yes.

Don't you think they deserve it, Walt?

What?

Beauty pageants

are not even this one.

This is not about beauty.

It's a pride pageant.

Yeah.

It's a pride pageant.

It's girls.

Why is it overboard?

No, they have overbite.

Because

it just, I can't have a...

We'll do something else for the guys later on, but in terms of like a pageant,

it's generally not...

Guys suffer more

through their teeth than girls do.

And they will continue to throughout this contest because it's only for girls.

Because I mentioned I like a cute overbite on a girl.

Yeah, but I mean...

How many overbites do we have out there?

As long as there's at least one,

the contest is over.

I saw people posting pictures in solidarity.

Solidarity.

With you

for the commercial.

The commercial.

All right.

So

where should we send these pictures?

I'm not going to be a judge.

I'm not going to be a judge.

I'm a judge.

Yo, it's your page.

That's your idea.

You fucking Bob Barker over here

doesn't want to preside over it.

I don't want to look at like a thousand pictures of just some bucktooth beavers sending it to me.

Can it just be.

Can the pictures only be from under nose to chin?

God, now it's even worse.

So from like just beneath the eyes to the bottom.

She says

all the bikes and sends out a foot of her in a bikini.

Well, that's all that matters.

Yeah, I agree.

No, all that matters is the teeth.

Oh, you mean the teeth?

Yeah.

I mean, I think you want to take the whole package into

account.

So if, you know what, you can't.

They can go to a fucking, they can go to a party city and fake an overbite.

Right.

Please don't go get the Billy Bob teeth out of a gumball machine and try to pass them off as your own.

But if you, okay, you send in the pictures to, what is our website?

I think it's Teflonbride.

Go to tellhamstevedave.com.

There's going to be an email address to contact.

I think it's Teflonbride.com.

And send in your overbite pictures there.

And we will decide later on who the judges are going to be.

It can't be just me.

It has to be more than just me.

Well, if it's just pictures of mouths, I don't want to.

No?

So you want a whole face?

No.

You want a whole body?

Yeah.

Okay.

I got to see how the overbite fits in.

Because it's just part of the complete package.

How does this person

fit this into the overall tapestry of their world?

That's what I want to see.

Okay.

All right.

So you heard BQ.

That's the way it's going to go.

You know, if you're in a bikini, it's going to help.

Is that not?

It's not going to hurt.

It's not going to.

Oh, I thought you were going to shut me down.

No, no.

All right.

Well, you're not going to shut me down that one.

I think it's nicer to say it's not going to hurt.

But it doesn't also necessarily mean you're going to win either.

No, depends on what you look like in that bikini.

Right.

Yeah.

BQ, keeping it reels.

I don't see him anymore.

This guy,

I can't do it anymore.

I can't make any more jokes.

We came yesterday.

We came home yesterday and I got on the plane.

I just, I didn't even know a queue was on my flight.

I just walked by a guy who looks like the most exhausted unit bomber ever.

Just slumped down in his seat, glasses on, hoodie, and he's just like...

My buds were in while he was retired from cruising.

Yeah, it was a pretty rough month.

It was two weeks tour in the UK, a week in Los Angeles.

I was home for like

a few days, and then

we went on the tour, on the cruise.

With the cruise, you didn't get

any RR?

No, no R ⁇ R in the cruise.

To me, like that,

cruise is constant work because

those people paid lots of money to be there.

And I, we take that seriously.

So it's like there's no rest.

You're always out there doing something.

You're always giving them what they came for.

Which is just to be your FaceTime?

Just FaceTime.

Like, we would just go, like, every day I did about two hours of selfies to start my day.

So it's like, that's, you know, and then you go into all the.

At one point, we did.

We did pictures for people who pre-ordered five hours with only a 15-minute break in it.

Keep your voice, whisper.

And it wasn't the last.

I mean, it's just brutal.

It's fun.

You know, and then on top of that, you have all the events that you're doing.

And then on top of that, you have all the guests on the boat that you want to make sure you're having a good time.

Personal and then professional.

You know, we had a lot of people on that you want to get talked to and

you know, make them know you appreciate them being on the boat.

So it's just like you're getting like five hours sleep at night, and the rest of the time you're just running and gunning.

So

some short-term memory.

I'm going to call you Dory from now on.

Yeah, they were machines, man.

I got to say, like, Gatto.

He's unbelievable.

I don't know what he's taking, but.

He's not taking anything.

They should shred him and snort him.

He makes Ming look lackadaisical when it comes to running around, greeting people and shit.

Oh, yeah, dude.

It's unbelievable.

It's superhuman.

Yeah.

His mood never drops.

His enthusiasm never wanes.

He's like every person.

He's walking through the buffet, stops on the table, goes, walks through the bruset.

I mean, the guy is like going till three in the morning at karaoke with everybody.

It was crazy.

Yeah.

It's crazy.

Oh, there's another quick cruise note: we took the picture with

all the mug shot teas in the theater.

And I guess someone named Lindsay is an

is not something I want to deal with.

Someone named Lindsay is the picture, and she won't release it until I say it's okay, and all this other shit.

I have a picture.

I took one on my phone.

Yeah, I know.

I'll send it to you tonight.

Okay,

Scoop Lindsay.

What?

Scoop Lindsay.

Okay.

Scooper.

Oh, I'm going to scoop her because I'm hearing this shit.

The first day back, I'm like, for fuck's sake, man.

I don't want to.

I just don't want to deal with it.

I took the picture.

Why am I now facilitating the picture getting to people?

It's like, well, okay, you'll send it to me.

I'll put it up, and that's where it'll be on Instagram.

And then I don't know how you get it off there.

Snap

screenshot, whatever the fuck.

But

so the crew is Walter.

Yes.

So Brian, I'm very proud of Brian Johnson.

We all know what he's been through.

The drug addiction.

The anger issues, the near-constant health issues.

You couldn't tell any of that with this guy on the boat.

No.

Fluttering all around that boat.

They were calling me Gatto Jr.

They were.

They really were.

I rarely saw him.

He was out with the ants.

He went to the ant meetup.

He did everything.

He was always in the crowd watching things, despite the fact that he was always surrounded by people who wanted photos and stuff like that.

He did everything

perfectly, except.

What you do, Walt?

Hold on.

Back it up a second.

I'll tell the first part of the story.

All right.

And then I'll let you take over.

You'll know when to take over.

Okay.

I was just saying, before you even get into it, what would you do?

Like, it takes a...

You don't just get a cruise, you know?

Walt, you work hard.

You just don't what?

You don't just get a cruise.

You just don't get a cruise.

You got to work hard.

Unless you're working.

You got to build an audience.

Oh,

you mean you got...

Yeah, they're not giving cruises to, let's say, comic bookmen.

Sure.

Right.

You got to build an audience that is big enough and

you got to treat them right.

You got to care about them.

You got to legitimately have a connection with them.

Cultivate.

Cultivate.

A relationship.

And more importantly, our side of it is we have to protect these people.

We have to look out for them.

We have to make sure that the money.

Because we know how hard it is to make money.

From what?

From a bad experience.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

All right.

All right.

Somali pirates.

What have you?

What have you?

Like, my identity theft or something.

No.

We take it very, very poor job with that.

I cloned so many credit cards.

Yeah.

So,

you know, you don't just get a cruise.

You really have to put in the work.

No, yeah.

It's rare that

I don't know of any other TV show

aside from the Loafboats that get cruises.

I mean,

it's usually like rock stars.

Yeah.

So

it's quite an accomplishment.

My point is, it took a lot to get there, and I take it very seriously.

Okay, Brian, Brian continue.

Okay so we have two Space Monkey shows.

Two.

And

how many nights at sea?

Four.

So half the nights are spent, you can spend with the Space Monkeys?

Yeah, for an hour.

And an hour and a half.

And people did.

I'm sorry.

Well, an hour.

People did.

The theater is packed.

Now for me,

it's at the end of a long day of work.

Like, that's the last thing I did.

At midnight, I show up to Space Monkeys after.

Oh, it's a midnight show?

Midnight show each night.

Why so late?

Because the schedule is fucking packed, and it's a little more adult-oriented.

We wanted people to know that Brian Johnson's in the house, don't bring the kids type stuff.

You know, like a midnight show.

How'd you get the word around that?

Well, I made an announcement every time, and it was on the schedule as like, you know, adults only type thing.

And then, so my point is this: like, I

had maybe five spots during the day, five bits during the day, sometimes tenderloins, both nights, tenderloin shows before it, a whole day of meeting and greeting on the cruise.

You had two tenderloin shows in one night, right?

Two in one night.

Yeah, both.

Right before.

Two tenderloin shows in one night before it.

Thank you, Brian.

So midnight was the last thing at the end of a long time.

You can't call it impractical jokers on the cruise?

Call what?

You guys.

Why'd you go back to Tenderloins, though, at six?

Oh, I don't know.

Just some sort of maritime thing.

No, no, no.

No, nothing like that.

You don't want to get in the way of this story.

Trust me.

You'll want to keep your jokes.

Hold them.

You're going to need them.

Okay, Brian.

Now continue.

Sorry, so

you're setting it up.

You're a busy, busy, busy.

I'm not setting up anything.

And you're setting up midnight shows?

I may be a little tired when it comes to these shows.

Okay, good.

You want to know it.

He brings it all.

He brought it.

So, all right, we'll skip the first show, which we'll just

Space Monkeys.

It went phenomenal.

Unbelievably well.

Best show on the boat, Space Monkeys.

Do you really feel that?

There was a moment in that show

that was not only the high point of the cruise, but was better than any drug I've ever taken.

It was like somebody just mainlined adrenaline.

Just one moment within it.

It was great.

Right.

It was fantastic.

Every time we brought up your name, people went nuts, dude.

Or were like, where is he?

Is that the part you were mainlining when you brought up?

Is that your mom?

I would be fucking unconscious the entire time, then.

I would have OD'd within three minutes.

Are you releasing these shows?

No, we didn't record them.

Why?

We forgot.

Well, we didn't forget, but it just, it was.

It's a very visual show.

Yeah, that's what we learned last year.

Did you have a fucking website?

No, but we didn't record it.

There was no camera.

There was no

infrastructure in place to videotape them.

And people aren't allowed to take pictures or video within the show, any of the shows.

Even with their cameras, huh?

Yeah, no, not at all.

Not even allowed to take pictures or cameras.

Yeah.

It's a lot of comedians on the cruise.

They want to be able to do the material without the whining and the crying and the nonsense that comes with

weak-willed, overly sensitive people.

Right.

All right.

So it's AA America today.

So suffice it to say, the first show was like spot on.

It was unbelievable.

Perfect.

Okay.

Yeah.

I'm I'm guessing Space Monkeys 2 was not as smooth sailor.

Well, the show was great.

The show was great.

What happened was I had a couple hours before

the show started, and I happened upon in the bar area these American Indians, two girls and two guys.

I don't remember any of their names because I'd been drinking a little bit.

And I don't really drink at all.

I don't have liquor in the house.

I don't go out for drinks, any of that shit.

So, like, I went to LA.

I had some drinks there when I went to the Black-Eyed Peas thing.

And on the cruise, there's always somebody buying you drinks.

So, when I came across these American Indians, I was like, well, of course, I want to learn some shit about the Res and what it's like and all this other stuff.

So, we sat there for a couple hours talking and drinking.

And

at a certain point, they started getting like just not bad, but like a hair unruly.

They

and we were going to order food.

So I

went down.

They won't deliver food to the casino bar.

So I have to go down to my room, get

the

room service menu, bring it back, see what they want, then bring it back on downstairs and order it.

Now, earlier they had been grousing about how people mistake them for Mexicans.

Are these IJ fans?

They were on the IJ boats.

I would assume so.

But they were telling some Dave fans.

Yeah, they definitely were.

I wish I could remember the big guys.

I was unsure if this was a soul, like with every person on that boat there for IJ.

Every single one.

Every single one.

So, yeah, yeah, it wasn't like last time where it was like partial IJ and partial.

Well, last time it was all IJ, but it wasn't sold out.

Oh, is that it?

Yeah, it was like 75%.

I think last time this was 100% all IJ people.

So when I get, like I said, they're grousing about being mistaken for Mexicans.

When I get down to order the food, they had ordered a bunch of Mexican food.

Oh, they're not helping themselves?

No, it was not even on the menu.

So now I have to sort of kind of like estimate what I think

American Indians will like.

And maize wasn't on the menu either.

So I got a bunch of people.

I don't know if this is the first time I'm hearing this part of it.

Why are you so invested in what these fucking people are eating?

Big problem.

Why are you running around getting menus for these people?

Probably because I had a little bit too much to drink and I was being accommodating, and I'm like, well, you know what?

Wherever I live is probably on some ancestral graveyard stuff.

I'll have to correct that.

Isn't on a fucking practical Joker's cruise.

Are you picking up the bill?

Anyway, yeah, but the thing is, with the room service.

Oh, he can.

He's getting paid to be on the boat.

So he's making money.

I have the money.

It's the least I could do.

And that's crucial to the story, Walter, that the man is being paid to do a job.

And a significant upgrade from last year as well, I might add.

Yeah.

But I also felt bad because I bought a thousand acres in Oklahoma for a couple of beads from them.

No,

so I go downstairs and I'm like, well,

what would Indians like?

Chicken fingers and pizza and shit, I guess.

So I bought a whole bunch.

Why wouldn't they just like the food?

Well, yeah.

Well, why would you like to focus on the food?

Because then I would have to run the food.

I just like the same food that everybody likes.

Pizza's a constant.

Because I'd have to run upstairs and be like, hey, guys,

what do you really want?

Since none of this shit's on the menu.

So I had to guess, you know?

And then

I noticed the time.

And then Q, I guess.

So

you missed the show?

I didn't miss it.

Oh.

Come on.

Come on.

We had Adam Green.

Yeah, he's not a professional.

Adam Green was going to be our first guest on Space Monkeys.

Joe Gatto was to be the second guest.

And we get them all on stage at the same time.

We just bring him out in like cascading.

11.58.

The show starts at midnight.

Brian's notebook.

Why was your note?

His notebook's there, his glasses, and his phone.

Because the Indians had it.

They brought it there for me.

Okay.

12.01, O'Brien Johnson.

Audience is packed, full.

Now I got Shay,

who works on my show, running around the boat looking for him.

I got Stacy going to his room to look for him.

Joe Gatto's not there either.

There was also, there's a guy I met on the boat.

I'll talk about him a little bit later.

His daughter is 15, and she's like a hardcore

aunt, 13%er.

He sent her looking for him.

Sent everybody looking for him because the show is about to go on.

So finally, at 12.03, I'm like, I guess I got to go on.

So I just go on by, I take the stage by myself.

Be like, well, we all know Brian Johnson.

He's not here.

We don't know where he is.

If anybody knows where he is, could you, you know, let us fucking get him here.

Let me get Adam.

Are you concerned or angry or both?

Neither.

Neither.

Neither.

I'm not concerned.

I know what he's doing.

He's out fucking having a good time and he forgot what time it was.

Am I angry?

No, because I know what I'm doing.

I'm doing a show with Brian Johnson.

So neither of these things lead to it.

Adam Green comes up.

We pull out his notebook and start going through it and just trying to get, because he had notes for the show, trying to guess.

1231, he walks into the theater a half hour, over a half hour after the show started

in cut off Daisy Dukes, holding a fucking, all this food that he's bought these Indians

and just puts it on the stage.

And then the fucking Indian dudes come in and like, look, they were nice guys, but they don't know how to shut the fuck up.

They were doing it during the IJ shows, too.

They're chatty.

Yeah, IJ.

Chatty.

They think it's fucking interactive.

During the IJ show, this fucking fuck is getting up and just talking to me on stage in the middle of a story.

And I'm like, dude, shut the fuck up.

Yeah, when we were sitting there, they weren't nearly as rampunctious

as when they arrived in the theater.

So I got there and I had the food.

I was sitting upstairs and I'm like, this motherfucker.

Did you dock him?

He didn't talk.

Well, I put, no, it's too late.

But I put the food up on the stage.

And I was like, I knew I was late, so I was hurrying.

And then in my haste, a whole thing of barbecue sauce spilled all over my shorts.

So now I have to do the whole show with barbecue sauce on my shorts.

Well, the remaining show, not the whole show.

Right, yeah.

I did two-thirds of the show

with barbecue sauce on my shorts.

There was fucking seven people running around the boat looking for them.

None of them could find them.

I was up on stage with my dick in my hands.

Well, I mean,

it sounds like a little bit like

you are, I don't know, it's hard to forget a vibe.

It sounds like you're more amused by it than angry or annoyed.

I'm kind of amused, but like, how do I bring this guy back on the next cruise?

And I'll tell you.

How do I do it?

I'll tell you.

He's embarrassed me publicly.

A vouch for him.

And the guy kid.

And then Gatto, this is how fucking genius Gatto is.

Gatto got there right after I went on stage and refused to have anybody tell me that he was there because he wanted me to fucking be out there on my own.

Which is pretty fucking funny.

He was backstage laughing at me the whole time that I was up there.

That's pretty fucking good.

But

the next morning, I see, when I got up the next morning, I didn't remember a large part of the show.

Wow, that's alarming.

Concerning, right?

Yeah.

Like I said, I don't normally drink.

And

these wild Indians, they're pounding firewater like it ain't no thing.

So I want to keep up.

Why?

Yeah, why?

Yeah, why?

Why don't you want to have your show?

Why don't you want to do the show that your friend brought you on the boat to do?

By that point, though, I was like, all logic and reason was out the window.

I'm like, I'll show these Indians a thing or two.

Fucking just attack on that.

But then the next, when we got off the boat on Sunday night, Sal had a show in New Orleans.

We all stayed in New Orleans to watch him.

And I got, I'm like, do you want a ticket?

He's like, yeah, you want a ticket.

What do you say?

You're not sure if you can come or something like that.

Whatever.

There was this thing where it's like, it was packed and we put a ticket on the side.

And then he texts and asked for a second ticket and we're like

called we got him the second ticket he didn't show up to that either not true i did show up you didn't show up you didn't answer in my text either i was like where are you i did show up did i show up i i was there but but the ticket i got was standing it said standing room only now i was willing to stand

but but

the place where you stand when we were backstage but but nobody told me that like i didn't well you didn't answer any fucking text how the fuck am i supposed to give you you any of the information?

No, the only text I got was, you know, why?

Because you couldn't get text inside that building.

So when I was in there, your text didn't come through until I had left.

But so we go there, and it's standing room only.

And the two different people are like, yeah, you got to go upstairs and basically stand in a spot where it's like, I can't see anything.

And then Sal came out with the hoarse voice, and Sal's like, well, I'm not going to really be able to do anything.

I can't do that.

I'm going to hang out with you.

I can't see the show.

No, he was just going to talk about his voice was blown out.

So once Sal's like, well, I'm not going to do stand-up, I'm like, well, I can't see.

He did.

Oh, he did do it?

Yeah.

I left.

But I did leave.

Because I'm like, if Sal's not going to do it, then fuck it, right?

I had to make a fucking executive decision in that moment.

If I'm going to stand there and not see and not like not listen to Sal, I was like, well, why would I stick around?

It was appreciated.

Yeah.

But unnecessary.

But going back to the Space Monkey show, I didn't remember a lot of it.

And the next morning I woke up and I was like, because I've never been late to a show ever, not even a little bit.

So a half hour was extreme.

And I was like, I felt bad.

And I was like, I was going to apologize to Q when I saw him next.

But by the time I saw Q walking through the boat, so many people had told me, like, that was so fucking awesome last night.

That was so funny.

I was like, fuck Brian Quinn.

I was like, it all worked out.

Did it work out, though?

It totally worked out.

Well, you know, Adam, I got to say this: Adam Green, who directed Frozen, the Hatchet movies and stuff.

He directed Frozen, Walt Disney?

No, no, no, no.

Everyone says that.

Everyone says that.

I was like, holy shit.

No.

It would not be on the impressive jokes.

Sage was so impressed.

I was like, I know Adam.

No, no, he directed the horror movie Frozen.

How do they get away with that?

Well, they made it before the Disney one.

Yeah.

Oh, really?

I would have thought Disney could retroactively make force you to change a movie.

You got to change your name.

Yeah.

So he actually did a really, he came out and he was he was very solid.

Like he helped out and we went through his notebook and read some of the random things and it went over well.

Yeah.

I liked how you guys are trying to decipher my writing.

I mean some of it was so weird.

Like retarded guy gave me static.

What exactly does that mean?

It was pretty good.

But it was funny.

We made something of it.

But

I kind of feel it's the story of his life.

He's just getting away with everything because it's funny.

Where does it stop, Walt?

Where does it stop?

When it stops being funny.

I don't know.

You don't sound like you're really annoyed.

I was, and I'm trying to play it up a little bit more.

Because the second he didn't show up, I was like,

I know it.

I should have known.

I do know it.

I know what's happening right now.

He's in a situation.

But

he's only going to be available for an hour and a half.

For what, hour and a half, an hour?

Well, out of the whole cruise, yes.

I was contractually.

I had to work three hours.

I worked two and a half.

He did two and a half.

He did do two and a half of them.

What do I do here, Walt?

Does he tack on an extra half hour to next cruise?

How do I get this out of him?

Do you want it?

Do you want a responsible Brian Johnson?

I don't know what I want.

Do you want a Brian Johnson who's accountable?

Well, no, I want my.

Look, what I do want is acts

on the boat that we've hired and paid.

Okay.

Can I ask you this then?

If it was,

is there an act that don't interact with you?

Many.

On the boat?

Yeah, a lot of them.

If they showed up late to their act, would you be upset?

Yeah.

Yeah, they would not be back again.

That's for sure.

Then you got your answer then.

You have to treat everybody.

Everybody's

the same.

My entire existence is built on nepotism.

If you don't make

an example out of me?

He's an example out of him in front of these no-name comics.

Going forward, though, you'll never have the respect of

those other acts.

Oh, you think that's what I did?

They're like...

Made me look weak.

They're like...

I saw Joe Gatto

in the elevator, and he was like, I love the shit show.

It was awesome.

So I have the approval of the hardest-working man in IJ.

Well, what's he going to do?

I mean, is it his place to put you in your place?

Ghetto?

Yeah, it's like absolutely it.

He wouldn't do it, though.

He wouldn't.

He would expect BQ to do it.

He's your friend.

I know.

Now I look weak to the other jokers.

Has that happened before?

No, I've always been a

rough Joker.

Man of my word, if I say something, it gets done.

Well, you know what?

You have

a year in between cruises?

If we do it again, it would be 2019.

Yeah, so you got some time to figure out what your uh but what's your advice here?

Yeah, what does a wolf lane do?

What do I do?

Really?

To be honest, I would be very annoyed.

Yeah, yeah, because I mean, I hate doing it anyway, doing a live then.

If he's not there,

I would be like super fucking like you can't take his advice then.

Especially, especially at the end of a long, like, I had already done like so many things.

Like, really, it's no exaggeration to say 13 13 hours of it.

This was the beginning of his workday.

Yes, I'm saying, if you're, if you're brought on and you only have him responsible for three hours out of what, 100 hours?

Yeah.

The rest of those hours, you could, those 97 other hours, you can do whatever you want, and you still can't get there.

Yeah, I would be, I would be, I mean, I'm not,

I don't know.

I guess I don't know.

I couldn't, if I were you, though, punish him like with a banishment.

Doctor's pay?

But maybe make him share a cabin with somebody.

Yeah.

But somebody he likes.

Right, right.

Somebody that you know.

You say that didn't happen already.

I've already been punished.

I'll take you from that fucking Hilton up there, that single-room Hilton, and I'll cast you down with the sodomites.

Some motel six.

Can he sleep with the crew?

Like down in the barrels at the bowels of the ship.

We could throw him in with him.

Like him in steerage.

Yeah, we would find someone, someone horrible to put him with.

Like spend spend a half hour shoveling coal to make up for my sins.

Would you rather

on the next cruise?

I'll leave it to you, Brian.

Would you rather have your paid docked, or would you rather be forced to make up that half hour in a manner of my choosing on the next cruise?

I feel like making it up to your choosing would be way more fun.

Yeah.

Oh, it definitely will be.

Yeah.

I don't care about the money as much as I care about life.

legs.

You're seeing what you're coming up next.

All right, great.

So there you go.

So I owe another half hour on the next trip.

I think it's also apparent that you probably shouldn't be drinking.

Yeah, well, that's why I don't normally drink.

Especially with Indians, man.

These guys are fucking like, they're professionals.

They didn't seem like they handled it well.

They were always fucking.

That's true.

The one lady at the very end, they couldn't even get it.

She was unconscious.

They were slapping her in the face and she wouldn't wake up.

Like full-on, like, wake up.

And she's just like, out of it, man.

Yeah, I don't get that.

I don't get this.

This is what passes as vacation, huh?

You get this fucking shit face that you're getting.

I think for the most people, for the most part, people are like pretty

seemed like everybody's nobody else had to be revived by the sounds.

I didn't hear any stories like that.

Yeah, no.

Yeah, but I think people, it's like they get up and you sort of consistently drink throughout the day.

That's what the cruise is.

Yeah.

Wow.

But, you know, had I not met those

Native Americans, I 100% would have been up to you.

I think that there is a, I mean,

this is par for the course, though.

This is a man who will blame everybody else, though,

for everything that goes wrong that he does.

Again, now he's blaming the fucking.

Is there anything the Indians haven't been blaming for yet?

He's placing the five nations.

He's blaming them for this shit.

I mean, it's insane.

I mean, but there's this man.

I couldn't believe it.

Drink what he was.

Approaching

50 years of age, and he still

isn't able to just be like, it's not my, it's nobody's fault but my own.

Oh, motherfucker.

I have a birthday gift for you and I forgot at home.

God damn it.

I'm so fucking shot.

I came up with some of the few.

All right, sorry.

God damn it.

How can I forget it?

Okay.

Sorry, sorry.

Okay, so but here's the counter to that.

It's worked so far.

But I don't know if it has worked, though.

You're not happy, are you?

No, but that's never going to happen.

Well, you don't know that, though.

Nah.

Oh, you think suddenly if I show up on time, I'm going to be like, oh, this is all it took?

No, no, no, no.

No, I'm saying if you hadn't spent half of a century blaming everybody else for your misery right

yeah no it's too late

it's too late yeah it's it's I'm too used to it wow if I'm suddenly accountable then I have to learn a whole new fucking like well the problem is this this is the problem is like when he did show up

there was no one fucking funnier yeah

that's the problem that's true but the guy fucking revealed the tattoo on stage I know about it.

And blew the entire ship away.

That's what he's talking about, mainframing, right?

What's it called?

Mainlining?

Yeah, mainlining adrenaline, yeah.

Yeah, but like

if that's what you want, though, you sabotaged it, though, almost by not showing up.

Right.

Because now you may not get to do it again.

Q may may banish you to, you know, I might get outvoted.

I mean, I want him back on, but I might get outvoted.

How would the other yeah, now you're saying Joe, but were the other any of the other jokers get wind of this?

I don't know.

I think I saw Murray like twice on the boat, it spread like wildfire throughout the cruise.

Some guy most of you guys don't know didn't show up to a show most of you didn't go to.

You got to treat every show like it's fucking Ringland Brothers.

Yeah, I know.

There were no

clowns to fucking demean.

You got to treat every fucking opportunity that you're on stage like it's the greatest show on earth.

Right.

Yeah.

And if you don't, but they're second stuff on, it is, so it doesn't matter.

Yeah, but you're depriving the audience of

a sharp fucking, like attack, Brian Johnson, because you're blotted.

And you're depriving them of a half hour of that brilliance.

Right.

I will say this.

I don't like to go on.

Like, usually we have like one or two drinks.

I don't like to go on like that because I honestly did not.

People were like, oh, it was funny when you said this.

I was like, I said that?

Like, I didn't remember a lot.

But that's, how much do you have to drink to forget?

Oh, Jesus.

You should know.

I mean, come on.

That's not normal drinking if you forget, is it?

No, that's going pretty heavy.

That's going pretty heavy.

Yeah.

How much did you drink?

I don't know.

We were sitting there a while.

The worst dude.

And then the big dude.

I wish I could remember his name.

I love that guy.

He's in front and center with the mug shot t-shirt.

It's me and him in the front row.

The bigger guy wasn't

that annoying.

He was all right.

He did one of two things, but it was his little buddy that I was like,

I mean, I may kick him off the boat in Mexico at one point.

I was like, he's so fucked.

He just won't shut the fuck up while I'm trying to do shows.

Yeah, I felt bad that I had brought them until I found out he was doing that at every show.

He was doing that at every show.

He was just fucking yapping.

I was like, geez, man.

And the other, there was another lady.

You felt bad that you brought them, but not that you were fucking late?

No.

No.

It's crazy.

What if it had gone wrong?

What if I was up there and

I wasn't nimble enough to roll with it, and Adam Green didn't come out and perform, and it was like I died up there for a half hour.

Then I would feel bad.

Then you would feel bad.

But I don't have that fear, because I know you're not going to do that.

No, it was pretty good.

It was a pretty good half hour, I got to say.

No harm, no foul, right?

Well,

we'll see next cruise because he's going to give me that half hour back.

I owe you a half hour.

He owe me a half hour in a manner of my choosing, and you're going to fucking deliver, buddy.

By the way, that's going in the contract for the next cruise.

Did you have a contract?

Yeah, he's got a contract.

Everybody has that.

That's professionalism that

I'm surprised that

you would

treat a contract with such disregard.

Right.

The second I sign my name to something, I'm like, it's go time.

I'm sure there are, I'm sure there was plenty of fucking performers on that boat who would treat a contract like that, right?

Dude, everybody brought their A game to this.

Everybody.

So if you bring a B-plus game.

Well, I'm just saying.

It's time to...

We don't want a B-plus cruise, dude.

We want an A-plus cruise.

It's time to shoot for A-plus all the time.

All right.

Yeah.

And I was thinking about you, actually, a little bit.

I was thinking about it.

I wasn't really that upset about it.

It was like...

I felt bad that I had so many people fucking running all over the boat looking for them,

but

it was what it was.

I knew exactly what was going to happen.

But is it par for the course kind of mentality, though?

It wasn't par for the course, but it was not surprising.

Then that's par for the fucking course.

Like definition.

It was no part of me that I was like, what do I do?

Like, all right, like Adam Green.

What do I do?

Like, Adam Green was the, when we had the hatchet screening, he was.

He showed up two minutes before we were supposed to start the movie because he was lost.

And for some reason, the crews didn't send anybody to get him.

And 10 minutes before, I was like, What the?

Oh man, I hope he's did anybody.

Like, I start going into like business mode where I'm like, We got to get him here, guys.

Like, did anybody go to his room?

Did anybody like not anxiety, but it starts building where I'm like, I know, I know he's not there because he's lost or something.

Like, anxiety.

Up to the minute I walked out that curtain, I knew exactly what's going on.

I was like, motherfucker forgot.

Motherfucker's out there having fun doing something, and he's going to show up halfway through the show.

Let me just go out there and start making fun of it.

So, maybe it is par for the course, you know, Maybe it is.

Yeah.

It's par for a course, though, that is,

like you say,

your course could be like,

could be, it's limitless,

if you don't allow yourself to par.

All right.

So just show up on time.

No, don't drink either.

Okay.

Well, at least do all your drinking between like 11 a.m.

and like off the clock.

off the clock.

For the 98 hours, I don't have to

be there.

But I was thinking about you.

And

not really just you, like myself as well, because you went through a really, really rough time.

I mean, everybody on Tom, you've heard it.

I went through a really rough time.

And

I've said a lot how happy I am lately and just how, but there are moments, and I was thinking about you where I was like, maybe this applies to him too, where it's just like, when you're miserable and depressed and upset and all those things that we were, and you get better,

which you're definitely better than you were.

I mean, you're fucking healthy physically.

You're looking good.

You're happier.

I can tell you're happier these days.

When you get those things, though, there's this weird, like your old life has this odd allure.

Am I wrong about that?

Where you're like, those self-destructive tendencies don't really go away.

No,

they don't exactly like hibernate it's more like that was a state of like torpor like it's like kind of like sleepy but not really

not really gone yet because because there are moments where you're like

i don't deserve this why am i here right i hate myself

it happened to me today i i was i was i went and got the speaking of the overbite contest i went and i got these uh those Invisalign, which I fucking forgot to wear

right away.

But as I'm getting them on, I'm like, what the fuck is the matter with me?

I'm getting these things to straighten my teeth almost so I'm almost imperceptibly not as ugly.

No one will ever notice.

But

your teeth don't look like they need them.

Yeah, they won't like cross because they're starting to cross over a little and the older you get the more that's going to happen.

Really?

Yeah, so I just wanted to kind of pull it back.

But then I'm wearing them around today and I'm like, I need to fucking wear this shit for eight months now.

Like, why did I do this?

Constantly for eight months?

It's supposed to be like 22 hours a day.

But then I ate at home and then I fucking forgot to put them back in.

So, I gotta

remember that, yeah.

But there's that idea.

What I'm saying is, like, there's that idea that you almost romanticize that period of your life, and almost because I know for me, and for like, certainly for you, so much of your identity is spent was in that time, how miserable and unhappy you are.

Right.

And like, I'm a fuck up, I'm miserable, I blah, blah, blah.

And when you get past that, I find that myself in this weird place where I almost romanticize that time

and

long for it in a weird way.

Do you find that?

Because you don't, I feel, yes, because I feel like I don't have whatever it takes

to accept being happy and to like live happy and deal with that.

I'm like, I don't have those, that skill set.

Like, I don't know how to react to things that aren't awful.

You know?

Like, when somebody, I'll do a real quick fat news

here.

This way, I only have to say it once.

People who are like, how did you do it?

How did you lose that weight?

Troy called.

I was talking to Troy one day and he's like, hey, you should try this Dr.

Oz thing, which I'm like, Dr.

Oz, what the fuck?

And he sent me the link and it's like, you know, a two-week sort of kick-starting thing.

But it worked well enough that I was like, I'll just keep doing it.

And essentially, it's like,

I gave up all sugar.

I don't need to eat any refined sugars,

salad, chicken, like that kind of shit.

A little bit of carbs per day, a shake, and that kind of thing.

So basically, you can't even eat salad?

No, you can.

Oh, okay.

I'm saying I gave up sugar and dairy altogether in one day.

And most like carbs and stuff, like white carbs, like the shit that gets you heavy.

So that's like, I didn't like go crazy exercising or anything.

That's what I did.

It was really that simple.

So So, if you look up the Dr.

Oz thing and then you just eat almost no sugar, you're hungry a lot, I'll tell you that much.

But so many people ask that, I'm like, if I just say it once on here, that could be fat news for this week.

And

if you're interested in

losing weight, then that's right.

Jay Sarge did it.

Jay Sarge is fucking shedding LBs.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

I've been talking to him about it.

Well, you look really good.

Thank you.

And that's, I don't know how to react to that.

Right.

I don't know how to like when people say like, oh, you look good, or fucking, God forbid, like when somebody says online, like, oh, you look hot.

I'm like, I don't look hot.

I look human.

I look like a human being.

Well, that's not for you to decide.

That's up for them.

That's the beholder to decide.

I guess so.

But yeah, I don't.

I hear a lot about how good looking you are.

Yeah, that's what I mean.

Mostly from Sal.

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

He was talking about me.

I was talking about, yeah.

He was that reveal of the tattoo.

And

the backstory of it.

I I mean, it was it was unbelievable.

Yeah, the

14-15-year joke.

Yeah, the backstory to the to the tattoo is

that I think you got to tell this, you got to tell from the beginning, you got to tell the whole thing.

You're just alluding.

Okay, you're just,

yeah, you're just, yeah, you're not.

There's a lot of people who have no idea what you're talking about.

It's only that, it's the only like only people who have been friends as long as we've been friends can have jokes like this.

Like, if you're 20, it's impossible for you to have a joke like this.

Even if you're 30, it's kind of like

You're getting into the arena, but you're not really at the front row.

You know what I mean?

Like, this is awesome.

So

about 14 years ago, 14 years ago.

It's actually probably 16.

We went to

New Orleans.

Me, Q, Sal, and a couple, two other buddies.

Toodles and Velotes.

Toodles and Velote.

And while we were down there, we're like, hey, let's get...

a tattoo.

And we didn't like get matching tattoos.

We'd all get like dolphins on our ankles or whatever.

That's where I got my Superman, my Kingdom Come Superman tattoo.

Oh, yeah.

What's up, buddy?

I can't tell you.

Why are you lurking?

I can't remember what toods of Loz got, but Sal got a cross on

his wrist.

And I had been dating Suzanne at the time for like four months.

So I got an S, you know, like sort of like a gothic-looking S, like right between my shoulder blades.

And Sal, after he got his tattoo, was like super concerned that it wasn't straight.

Like he would, he would obsess over it.

And it's like, you know, your tendons are moving and your veins are moving.

So like, it's never going to really appear straight.

And the guy who gave him the tattoo was so annoying.

Yeah.

He, he didn't like him personally.

So it was

this asshole put this broken tattoo on me.

So it was that on top of it.

So the second you see it's bothering Sal, you're not going to console him.

You're going to encourage the idea that like it probably is crooked.

And

so we were making fun of him.

And he turns to me, and he was just like, oh, you get, you get to tell your girlfriend's initial, you've been dating her four months.

You know what?

When you guys break up, you can change that S into Sal.

And

so,

you know, Suzanne and I went our separate ways.

It hadn't been good for some time.

And now she moved, so we're no longer together.

And going on this cruise, I was like, well, I remembered it.

And I was like, what?

It would come up over the years.

Oh, yeah.

Sal would bring it up over the years.

Yeah, Sal would bring it up, yeah.

Like, he didn't forget it.

So, what actually, when I was talking about it on stage, he thought that I had somehow come into possession of those pictures of him kissing the old man, and he's like, I can see in his face, he's like, I'm caught, yeah, yeah, like I was gonna bust him.

That was all the evidence I needed that he kissed that old man.

He definitely did.

He goes, Is this what I think it is?

So, um,

so about a month before the

before the cruise, I went and I got an A and an L, which, you know, I showed you all,

added to it, so it's a Sal.

And

we're on stage and we're reminiscing, talking about it.

And then I said, so

since I'm a man of my word, little did I know the next day I'd be a half hour late,

I went ahead and

I got inked.

And I revealed it to the crowd.

What a moment.

I mean,

that's the only moment that I wish was on video or recorded for the audience.

I took a great picture of you and Sal, though.

Yeah.

Yeah, I saw that.

That was awesome.

And Sal was like, he was laughing so hard.

He was crying.

He was crying.

Well, he was touched.

He was crying because he was crying, but he was also laughing so hard.

He was crying.

It was amazing.

It was an amazing moment.

Like, it was the place went fucking apeshit, Walt.

It was insane.

As they should.

Yeah, as I say,

that's a pretty big

sacrifice for you for your joke the place should have fucking acknowledged how crazy it is and not like a 14 day or 14 month like like 15 years crazy later something that was mentioned in passing was like here we are here we are on a cruise

yeah yeah exactly yeah it was um

Out of any crowd experience I've ever had, that was the one that I would be like,

that is the most memorable.

Yeah, it was something.

And that's why you can can get away with

keeping that first half.

Well, if he gets, now if he gets a myrrh

over it,

like a tramp stamp,

then he can go up, he can come up out of steerage.

Out of steerage, give him his back his room.

That was fun, though.

Yeah, it was really fun.

And

it's funny how there was a Lipson contest that these guys were,

that

the four guys were judging.

And

I'm not just saying this because Q is here.

The dude was so on point with everything.

It was so, it almost felt like it was an audience of one, like the shit he was.

Well, because the thing that I set up the first year that I continued this year is that I'm like a complete asshole.

Like the other three guys are nice and they give, you got to rate them one to eleven.

I don't know why 11, but

I don't.

I just tell them how much they sucked and how

Simon Cowell.

Yeah, but like evil Simon Cowell.

And the audience loves it.

They boo me.

You know what I mean?

The one little kid gave me a middle finger and like all this stuff.

That was funny.

Yeah, that kid was awesome.

And so this year, I was actually, I was like, has anybody seen Brian Johnson?

And they all pointed to him.

And then when I

after everything I said, I like looked toward him because it was like doing a weird version of Tell him, Steve Dave.

Like, I dismissed one, like, a white girl did a Missy Elliott song, and I dismissed her for cultural appropriation.

Like, it was like just fun, stupid shit.

And I just saw him cracking up, and that made me, that made me, I started taking points away from people.

It was fun.

It was just, I got to be mean, and it was for an audience of one.

I just kept looking for you for you.

And at a certain point, he was just like,

he made a remark and used my name.

And early on, he's like, is he here?

And I was like, yeah.

And then Gatto is just like, oh, BJ.

And like people turn around.

And suddenly people who are like,

I don't know who the fuck he is, but if he knows them, I want a picture.

So, like,

after they wrapped up, what should have been a five-minute walk was like a 90-minute walk down to the poker game.

Yeah, but like, met some, like,

Met Kane, Hunter, you know, Jason from 513th, who

every time I saw the guy would beat me up or stiff arm me or throw me into a wall.

Like, I guess that's just.

He's very physical.

Was he performing?

He, uh, well, he was the killer.

He plays, you know, the killer in the hatchet movies.

Okay.

So he was there for the screening.

screening.

Oh, okay.

But,

man, people love him.

People love him.

He always had people like coming after him and stuff.

Such a nice guy.

And he was fun to have.

He was on the first Space Monkeys.

He was fun to have because

he wasn't familiar with anything we do.

So, like, every time he said something, it's like you would interject something real fast, and he'd be like, what's going on?

Oh, my God.

He was.

He kept up, though.

It wasn't like he was lost.

No.

He kept up.

But we introduced him as a gay icon King Notter.

And he rolled.

He didn't, like, there wasn't a hint of, like, what do you mean?

He was like, well, some people call me a bear.

Like, he just rolled with it, man.

Like, everything.

But he, like, Brian kept throwing his fucked up little comments

into Kane's sentences.

And Kane just either assimilated him and continued as if he did say it or just ignored him completely.

He was never thrown.

The one that gave him the slightest hesitation was he was about to reveal something about, I guess,

an upcoming movie or something.

And he's like, you know, I probably shouldn't say this, but I was just like, I don't like minorities.

And that was the one where he looked at me.

He blinked.

He was like, wait, what?

Yeah, but he also, he weighed in.

It took him a little while to decide about, like,

let's say

there's two guys, right?

And a dude's sucking another guy's cock.

Is the guy who sucks gay and the other dude straight?

Or is the guy who gets his cock sucked sucked a little gay too?

It took him a good five minutes to

me.

Yeah.

And his end was like, I'd have to say,

there's a little gayness on both sides.

And then that was gospel, and we moved on.

I love that guy so much.

Yeah, it's like every, dude, Waldo, I really wish you were there, buddy.

It was like, it was, it was.

It sounds like a party.

Yeah, it sounds like a party.

Well, it was, but it didn't have to be if you didn't want it to be.

You know what I mean?

Like, like there were plenty of kids on the boat, too.

Like, we did that space monkey show.

No, no, no.

We made very clear what kids can and cannot come to.

And we purposely, like, we booked magicians on the boat and stuff like that for kids.

Not that your daughters want to go to see magicians.

They've had bad experiences with magicians, as evidenced by that Polaroid.

Yeah,

it was great.

It was great.

We were really, very happy with it.

Good.

There was another fun moment.

When I got knocked out of poker.

I was talking to

Jeff and the girl Cambria, the 15-year-old aunt.

Okay.

And we had spoken earlier.

And

there was like this, it's not important, but there was this thing where

I would be playing the role of her mother for the cruise just to watch over because she's young and all this other shit.

And so

some lady came over as we're talking.

Fucking putting a fox to watch the hen house.

Some lady comes over and she's like, oh, hey, you know, you're Brian, blah, blah, blah.

And

Jeff, you know, the girl's dad said something about her being my daughter.

And she's like, oh, this is Sage?

And I just leaned over to her and I was like, this woman thinks you have Down syndrome.

I'm like, no, it's not.

Clearly,

this is not a person with Down syndrome.

I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about?

It made me laugh so hard, though.

Yeah, great time.

Even the Indian guys whose balls I'm busting right now, I appreciate their addition to the cruise and making you late to the show.

Yeah.

And what's going to happen next year when you have to make up for it?

Yeah, it was,

yeah, it was not something I could have foreseen, but it was fun, man.

It was a lot of fun.

And

I like talking to

the people too, you know.

Everybody's so nice.

Like, everybody's.

Everybody's very nice.

Everybody's cool.

Yeah.

It doesn't seem like nobody ever gets thrown in the brig, do they?

That I know of.

Oh, no.

No.

Like, nobody seems to get that out of control.

I don't think so.

It's mostly just like nice people having fun.

Yeah.

I like it.

So, what happened here?

When we missed.

Didn't show up late.

You didn't.

No, nothing.

Same old, same old man.

Just, yeah, it sounds like,

you know,

the exact opposite was going on here.

No partying, no smiling, no laughing.

No Indians.

Just noses to the grindstone.

That's the way you like it?

The way I like it.

Yeah, I don't know.

There's a certain level of love.

There's a certain level of love.

Like, I guess if I had accepted that job in Giddam's place,

I would have drank all the time because there's no other fucking way I could have drilled it.

Oh, you're coming to the MSG show on Thursday.

Walter, is there any concern?

Issuing every form of transportation.

Well, you've told me it's completely and utterly family-friendly, no?

It is.

I said there's four curses in it.

We each got one curse.

Which curse?

Which word?

Well, I dropped the F bomb a little bit.

Okay.

But it really punches a joke.

Okay.

I think it's shits and F's.

I don't think there's no C words.

No hard.

No super hard.

What's the

F F-word used as an adjective?

I just want to hear that.

Or is it used as a

verb?

It's used as a verb.

I don't think I can.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

It's actually used as a noun.

I misspoke.

It's used as a noun.

Like, just call somebody fuck up.

Oh, okay.

Something like that.

I just like, I want to be in the room when the other three jokers is like, what it won't say before.

But I can't help you're only bringing one.

You're not bringing both.

The older one has class, and she cannot miss the class.

Okay.

She's got night classes.

All right.

Well,

I look forward to seeing your.

I don't think there's any sex in it at all.

Well, you're talking about you guys.

Now, these opening acts, who knows?

Are there opening acts?

Oh, yeah.

What time do you guys go on?

We go on at

Andrew Dice plays the opening act.

He's going to do his 80s material.

I would say quarter to nine.

Everyone has AIDS.

Quarter to nine, quarter to nine, nine.

That's good to know.

Yeah.

No later than nine.

It's a union.

I have to catch a 9:30 train back.

Yeah.

It's a union.

You know, MSG's

a very union shop.

They won't give out when you support.

Yeah.

So, all right.

So seven curses all day?

Well, I think there's four fixed ones.

I will not add any.

Oh, there's, but

you're going to be like, what the fuck's going on?

What fucking nunnery is your daughter going to?

I want to hear this shit.

You hear some ad living curses?

I want this shit.

No, well, I can't take responsible for what the other guys do.

Occasionally, they have thrown in, I want you to know that, just the one.

Just the one.

And it gets a good laugh.

So she might not even hear it.

It might be covered in the giggles.

It's going to be dead silence.

Then you're going to hear Walt like earmuffs like he thinks it's coming up or something.

Yeah.

Okay.

At least I'm prepared this time.

But the last time you told me too, though, so I'm like, I don't know if you're throwing another curve at me.

Are you fucking with me?

Well, now I have it.

Well, I had to calibrate.

Are you fucking with me?

No, I'm calibrated now.

There's no sex.

Well, I didn't know what the meter was with you.

You said it was family-friendly last year.

I thought it was.

My family goes.

What your show was.

There was Colin that kind of

dirty to do.

No, he didn't like our show.

You didn't like his show either?

I turned to you and I asked you, and I said, and you were like, oh, I never saw any of this stuff, or I can't believe they're doing this material here.

Well, I saw it.

You're going to do the show that I saw in the boat?

All right.

It's fucking vanilla bean time.

Yeah.

It's funny stuff, but yeah, there was.

I don't remember any curses.

There are.

Maybe one or two.

We each have one curse.

The flanagan rule, we call it.

We're a lot one curse and no sex.

No sex at all.

No sex talk?

No, there's a little

poo humor.

At the end of the show, they slive it around.

They can send a peaformation.

Yeah.

Joe tells the story about how he once got

human shit on his foot.

Oh, that's actually a real story.

That's a very good story.

Yeah, it's a great story.

I think she can handle that.

Yeah, it's fine.

She's 14, right?

It's not, no, no.

It's not from a person pooping on the foot.

Yeah, it's not like fetish, right?

Yeah, it's not like

the talk that we have on here.

Oh my god, the caveat's to get this guy

go to one of his best friends' fucking Madison Square Garden.

Will there be pure humor?

I find it unsatisfactory.

Man, you know what?

But I got, I know you, though.

Yeah.

And something, you're coming at this way too hard right now.

No, no.

You are setting me up, aren't you?

What could I promise on that?

What I'm not setting you up.

I want you to next week sit here.

I'm not going to say that you're fixating on it, though.

No, dude, you fucking put it up.

Because you break it.

I didn't even remember the last time you're like, you fucking broke his balls.

I'm nervous.

I'm performing at Madison Square Garden.

And the only thing I'm nervous about is if Wolf Lanigan can sit there with his daughter.

That's it.

What does that tell you?

That's your priority.

Something that tells me there's a weird glint in your eye, there's a weird smile, and you're like,

you've got nothing to worry about.

Nope.

In no way, shape, or form.

Not at all.

I promise you.

All right.

Okay.

Yeah.

Well, now I'm worried.

Now you've got me worried.

Now I'm thinking of the show.

I'm like,

Oh, boy.

Okay.

All right.

I'm putting my, I'm putting my faith in you, and your word is bond.

Our word is bond.

One curse for me the entire show.

Okay.

That's not so bad.

All right.

Going to Kansas City this weekend with Ming and Mike.

Another Comic-Con.

This is really doing this.

Yeah.

It's your busy season.

I guess so.

Yeah.

My busy three weeks.

Yeah.

Went to LA for a couple, went back to the Rick and Morty studios, which is like not nearly as exciting when

they're not in production.

Yeah.

Was Justin there?

No, nobody was there.

Nobody was there.

We went over to Starburn, so that was pretty cool, that place, Harmon's production company.

Oh, I didn't go there.

Yeah.

Went there.

There's some cool stuff there, too.

Shit.

Did a panel with the Twin Peaks guy,

Andy from Andy, who was a deputy, and Lucy, who was the dispatcher.

They have you moderating those panels a lot, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think Israel right at it.

And people are like, it's not.

He'll show up on time.

I don't really like it.

Yeah.

I was chided for the first time at a panel.

Yeah.

Not heckled exactly, but like my brother Eric came, and he brought his wife and his stepson, Ethan, and

another, you know, the kid's friend.

So they're all sitting in the front row, and people are asking us like, you know, who's on the show this year?

As far as

guest stars.

And I brought up Michael Gray of Shazam.

Nobody knew who he was.

So, you know, I was explaining it.

And so I'm explaining the

basic plot line to Shazam, which is like an old dude and a young boy.

People in Comic-Con didn't know the premise of Shazam?

No.

I mean, not, no.

I mean,

it's so old, that show.

No, but they know the character, though.

Well, they know the character, but in the comics, do they ride around in an RV together?

But

they know that there's a young boy who turns into a

these kids definitely did not.

Kids.

Did they call him Captain Marvel back then or Shazam?

Shazam.

They didn't have the right to call him Captain Marvel.

Legal limbo.

Right.

So I was explaining this, and I said, you know, there's this old man and this 16-year-old boy of an indeterminate sort of like relationship driving around together.

And I said, you know, and they go and they solve these sort of like very basic moral quandaries, but they never do tell you what happens when the sun goes down and the lights go out and the shades are drawn.

And I'm like locking eyes with his stepson, with Eric's stepson.

And some lady who's like, she's, she's an aunt, I don't know her name, but she was like, Brian, stop.

Which Which made me laugh so hard.

And she's like, we know what you're doing.

Move on.

Yeah.

If you're going to get heckled or chided, I would take chided any old time, I guess.

Good old-fashioned chiding.

Yeah.

It was fun.

And that dude,

that guy,

Harry, Harry Goes, I think his last name is, the guy who played Andy, like, is that guy

in real life, like that very soft-spoken, super nice guy.

But then when you start saying shit to people and making fun of them, he like perks up.

He's like, Well, I've never been in a panel where they aren't just asking questions, they're mocking the people asking questions.

Yeah, it creates a different attitude.

Yeah, it makes it fun.

You know, eventually, this Jokers thing is going to dry up.

And then I'll tell you.

Tell me before the next cruise, I hope.

No, not before the next cruise, most likely.

But

then I'll, I imagine my after-career would be doing like maybe like a con a month.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, that'd be fun.

We can go places and

cons can be pretty charge 10 bucks.

How much do you charge your photos?

You should really just

start saving money so you don't have to do cons a month.

Oh, I am.

I save most of the money I make, but you know, you still got built-in expenses, and you don't want to hit that nest egg too hard, maybe once a month.

You don't want to start relying on cons.

No, no, no, not rely, but like, how much of my bills?

And Ming is at the

basically the apex of his career.

He's still doing cons every fucking, every week.

Yeah.

They can be fun.

Like L.A.

was fun.

Like, they had an after-party with the Black Eyed Peas and DMC and Flava Flave came out.

Did they perform?

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, and they performed.

They did a concert?

Yeah.

Wow.

It was like a whole thing.

I could do horror cons now that I'm a horror movie.

Icon?

I wouldn't quite say icon, Walter.

I wouldn't say icon.

But, you know, certainly in it.

I mean, yeah,

you get eight by tens of everything you've ever done.

Right.

Joker.

Yeah.

Tell him, see, Dave.

Well, let's not go crazy.

Joker's Wild.

What'd you play in the horror movie?

Like a victim?

Yeah.

Yeah, you're a victim.

Yeah.

I'll have pictures of me in the movie.

Sign DVDs if they still have them in the future.

Listen to me.

Don't walk past Old BQ in the future.

Stop by.

Give him a few cents.

He's not there because he wants to be there.

He's there because he needs to be there.

If you love me now, remember that love down the line.

But you can.

To the tune of like, you know, even 80 grand a year.

It'd be fine.

Yeah, you can definitely make more than 10 bucks.

Yeah.

Blue apron, the number one fresh ingredient recipe delivery service in the country.

All right, let me see.

What are the fucking talking points here?

Does blue, do you, when you think of the word color blue,

do you think of food or cooking?

No, I think of babies who have succumbed to sudden infant test syndrome.

Me too.

Okay.

But like, you think it'd be called green apron or brown apron?

Like,

I don't think brown.

Why?

Why?

I think brown immediately, people are like, gross.

Oh, no, that's just you.

Like, how'd that get on your apron?

You ran out of toilet paper?

You wore your apron backwards.

You've got skid marks on your apron, son.

But, like, don't you think the choice of the color as well?

I know what we'll call it, blue apron.

But blue, there's no food that's blue.

Well, blueberries.

Does anybody even eat that?

Isn't that poisonous?

Yeah.

If you don't prepare them right, no.

No.

Or not poisonous, but you get really sick if you don't eat your blueberries right.

Well, if they're like infected with E.

coli, sure, I guess.

But there's like blue.

You can only name

can you name a second?

Maybe it's like blue plate special.

They got it from that.

But it certainly ought to be synonymous with fucking Kmart counter food.

Yeah, is that where that comes from?

Well, no, Blue Plate.

It's like a diner thing.

But I think it does sort of imply like a lower quality food.

Like, hey, here's the special because we couldn't sell it the past three days.

It's a bunch of goulash shit that's a good thing.

And then the cook comes to a certain stage.

He's fucking, you know,

dapping his cigarette

over your plate as he serves it to you.

Yeah.

The cooks hate their lives.

They hate you too.

They're like, here you go.

I'm just suggesting that's where they got the color blue from boys on the hot side.

Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, I guess it's working for them.

I guess they're a successful company, but

we're not going to change it now.

But yeah, but they defied the odds by becoming successful by choosing the color blue to be synonymous with.

They're the number one fresh ingredient recipe delivery service in the country.

So they're like,

I mean, I guess they're pretty happy with the name.

It's their mission to make incredible home cooking accessible to everyone.

They have impact.

Everyone needs a mission.

I got to figure out my new mission.

why what was your old mission all right i got to figure out a mission of it all

uh they've established partnerships with over 150 local farms fisheries and ranchers hipsters love that shit oh yeah they want to think that their their food comes right from the fucking right from the ocean you know delivered to their plate right there's no input there's no like 15 other processing plants that it goes through no middleman yeah there's there's no fucking slaughterhouses or any of those other fucking disgusting conditions you know what i guess it's it's it's a good mindset, though, because if you really think about it, you wouldn't eat anything.

You'd be so.

So, Blue Apron wants you to think that.

But you know what?

If you grab a pear, I'm sure like right from the tree, I bet you there's no, like, it doesn't go through some gross stuff to do.

Insecticides and shit.

Are we still doing this?

This is why these commercials we have to do 20 times.

Right, because we don't get it.

We just got to do it.

It builds strong family bonds.

Research shows that.

Research shows that Blue Apron families cook nearly three times more often.

Who is paid for this research?

Blue Apron?

I guess so.

Need a fucking

stomach.

It's a big egg-like research, yeah.

Because I can tell you this family fucking orders out almost every single night, you know.

I use blue apron.

Yeah, I do like them.

Bring them home.

You're going to be looking forward then to the crispy wild Alaskan Polak

and garlic mashed potatoes.

God damn it, dude.

Cheesy.

Cheesy broccoli, baked pasta with crispy thyme breadcrumbs, seared steaks and garlic butter.

Hey, I could go for that.

Roasted chicken of fall vegetables with cranberry and ginger.

Is it compote?

Compote?

Compote?

Whatever the fuck you know.

What is it?

What's the code?

C-O-M-P-O-T.

I can't just give the code.

Otherwise, you're going to give a shit.

Talk about your personal experience with Blue Apron Q, you just need to.

Slave to the man.

Love it.

Hold on.

I got to fucking.

The man isn't happy with me.

I have to to sate his fucking desires.

Just do it.

Here's some additional copy points.

Feature as desired.

All right.

Well, I don't desire them at all.

Check out this week's menu and get $30 off your first order with free shipping by going to blueapron.com/slash T-E-S-D.

You're going to love how good it feels and tastes to create incredible home-cooked meals with Blue Apron.

That's blueapron.com/slash T-E-S-D.

BlueApron.com/slash T-E-S-D is allegedly a better way to cook, according to research.

All right, so that's it for the spots.

Can I ask

some, make an announcement to some artistic aunts who may be out there?

Sure.

Some of you aunts may know that me and BQ are doing a comic book that's very close to being done.

And I am looking for anybody who has some artistic talents to create

fake billboards and like let's let's pretend or let's picture if you will in your head, a Tim Square where there are a thousand pieces of advertising in Times Square, right?

That's what we, if you are interested in creating some fake advertising, whether it be TSD-related, IJ-related, anything, something cute and a wink to

both of those entities,

we would be interested because we have so much.

Our book takes place in the big city, and there's a lot of panels that I need to fill up with fake advertising.

And so if you're interested, you can do your fake advertising in a rectangular and square.

Right.

So we can manipulate it so it fits right.

So it fits easily.

And you can email any entries.

And

all you're going to get out of it is to see your

work on the printed page.

But if you're interested, submit samples, small files, please.

I'll contact you for bigger files if I'm going to use it to KMUS2KMEWES2.

Topic of the email can be Metro Add Art, AD Art, and anything.

Images, anything that's just neat, cool, and interesting, and colorful.

There's a good shot you're going to get in there because we have a ton of billboards that we have to fill up in the background of the artwork.

It's a nice chance to be involved in a BQ project.

It's cool.

I thought it was a BQ project.

I thought it was a good idea when you brought it up.

Wall was really excited about including the ants in it like that.

I thought it was great.

My only concerns were: you can't send us anything that you don't own that we're going to get sued for.

Yeah.

And of course, we own it once you send it.

Like, you know,

it could be

something cute.

Like, obviously, I'm sure I will always go back to some of the fake products that we have created on

Tel McDave, like Hughes Brews.

Right.

Is there a car?

Is there a certain car?

Obviously, you wouldn't create a real car so that we can't use that, but a fake car name, or just

look at Times Square pictures and go crazy and

rectangular or square, and send the files small enough that I can open them.

My iPad is really old, haven't upgraded since the one Rich gave me.

Somebody asked me the other day, is that the original Rich iPad?

Yeah, it is.

And it's crashing now every time I even do anything.

Good shuck.

And so, if anybody out there wants to send a new iPad in to Wall Street,

I'm not applying that.

I'm just applying if you want to.

I'll just send it to my name at the stash.

I'll make sure that's it.

I'm just saying, though, that if you're going to send it to me, please send it in a file that's small enough that I can open.

Nice.

All right.

I have a request for the ants, too.

Uh-oh.

But it's not for me, it's for Bon Jovi.

I saw you guys were all fucking juggling Bon Jovi's ball.

Bon Jovi has a request of our audience?

Bon Jovi has a request of audience.

He knows who our audience is.

Oh, he knows.

He's aware of the Blaze of Glory joke.

Sure.

He's aware of the Blaze of Glory family.

John Bon Jovi.

You know, you got to.

Living on a prayer.

The John Bon Jovi I spoke to and told him about it.

Runaway.

All the hits.

All the classics.

Bad medicine.

Bad medicine.

Slippery win wet.

Slippery and wet.

All of them?

All of them.

He's up for the Hall of Fame this year.

And the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?

Yeah.

Rock and Roll Hall of A.

He's not a Shoe-in.

He's not.

He's not a Shoo-in.

There's some stiff competition this year.

I think he's a Shoo-in as well.

Doesn't that he wants this?

I don't know that he cares.

I don't know if he cares that much.

Does he care enough?

Well, he should come on, tell him Steve.

I was going to say, does he care enough to talk about it?

He doesn't care that much.

Fuck a guy lives two miles away.

Why might he have to get his brother Matt on?

Brother Matt's awesome.

He's probably got some good stories.

He lives two miles away.

He won't come down here, this John Bonjovi.

Maybe I should rephrase this.

You've talked to Bonjovi's people.

Have you been in the same room with Bon Jovi?

Yeah.

You have?

Sure.

Face-to-face.

Talk to him.

Face to face.

You didn't see that picture?

No.

You would imply like Bon Jovi was but fucking personal.

Well, both.

Both.

I never did.

Yeah.

Why would he be?

Oh, I guess, yeah.

Yeah.

Come on.

Come on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Somebody's the bottom.

I mean, because it's not the 80s anymore, and BQ is fucking on 24-7 on, you know, he might be a bigger store.

He might be fucking.

Oh, I breathe right past this part.

Right.

Bon Jovi's in a committed relationship, so he doesn't have AIDS, and he doesn't have to worry about it then.

So he can just like bury

him.

But he came into the store once.

Bon Jovi.

And he looked like.

He's got to be a super friendly guy.

No, not at all.

He came in.

He came in, didn't say a word.

Unfortunately, we're sure he's not coming, right?

He came in.

He's not coming now.

He didn't say a word.

Not that, and you know what?

I wasn't that kind of guy that's like, oh, you're a Bon Jovi.

I didn't say a word to him.

But you are the guy that's like, oh, my God, cool.

Like, anyone didn't say a word to me.

Like, that's what you want, regardless if it's Bon Jovi or anyone else, right?

Right.

But I'm just saying, like, he didn't come in and he didn't, like, he didn't even, I just, all I said to him, I treated him like every other customer.

I was like, hey, how you doing?

And he didn't even say, he didn't even look back over and say, good, or whatever.

I was like, how do you think?

I'm Bon Jovi.

But I'm just saying, but his face was.

Beautiful face.

It was exquisite.

It was like the Mona lisa cries when bon jovi looks at yeah he still got it i mean it's like

are you using the mona lisa as an example of a hot woman no no talking about how perfect it is

he's more perfect than the mona lisa when he came in here his skin was like

it was like what's it called when you look at something that is porcelain no you look at something and you can't even put you can't even describe how beautiful it is

i don't know that's what i'm talking about though there you go That's me and John, as I call them.

Yeah, that's great, man.

But you talk to him and he knows your name and everything.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

He watches the show.

That's how I was able to do it.

Okay, so what does he want from our audience?

Well, he didn't really ask per se.

But I did tell him the Blaze of Glory joke, and he laughed.

He had a good laugh about it.

And I mean, it's not a joke.

It's actually true.

What was the joke again?

That in high school I would

go to.

That was, yeah, I would get lumps like get them on my wrist.

Now, Sage is here.

Well, how many times did you do that, though?

How many times did that song was on?

I will tell you that.

I probably heard a couple of times, but

when you hear that song, that's immediately what you think of it.

Especially after it came on this show, I did it a couple of times afterwards.

Just to tell them, Steve Dave speaks true.

So within the past few years, it's happened.

So

anyway, he's up at the Hall of Fame.

So I retweeted the link.

They didn't ask me to do it.

I did it.

And they contacted me afterwards.

Like, wow, that was really nice of you to do.

And, you know, there's a stiff competition.

How is it?

Was it based solely on fan vote?

No, in fact, only one vote.

There's like a

board that votes on who gets in, and only one of the votes comes from fan voting.

Okay.

Well, I want to lock down that vote for John

for all he's given me and us.

He's given me shit.

Yeah, he's going to give you more than fucking hot.

I mean,

for once,

you know, know, he made New Jersey not the butt of a joke.

I think you guys should really,

because this state, man.

I thought Comic Bookman did.

Yeah, I don't know.

I'm just saying, please go onto my Twitter.

Where are they going to go?

It's on, it's, you can just go to my Twitter or go to

the Rock and Roll Hall Fame website.

It's right there.

Who's he up against that?

He's so worried.

Well, I don't know.

Well, he's in a panic.

He is in a panic.

Let's just go with this.

That's the reality we're living in.

Yeah, now we're here.

All right, Bon Jovi's freaking out.

The guy

beside himself.

Yeah.

Like suicidal, really?

If he has no confidence, then they're not going to fucking put him in if he's this fucking like terrified of his legacy.

Yeah, he doesn't deserve it.

If

he has to go in, he wants it too much.

He's got a swinging dick.

I'm going to get it.

Yeah, he's got to act like it doesn't matter if he doesn't get in.

Let's give him something.

They need him more than he needs them.

Let's give it to him.

Is this his first year of eligibility yes i think no actually i just said yes i don't know if that's true

they might not want to give it to her to that first year here here's the other contenders

bon jovi kate bush no way he's got uh no way the cars

the peso band who the pesh mode no one song

dire dire straits no way another and plus they have that they use the f-word in one of their songs they shouldn't get in for even using that

remember that song?

That little

in the history of a band, you're like, but that was their big song,

Money for Nothing.

It was all about the F-word.

If only they had you to shepherd them through their career, like Hugh does.

Hey, man.

As far as the obscenities are.

Did they play Master Square Garden?

Right, yeah.

I mean, probably.

We'll see if the Jokers play it again.

Squeaky, clean, fucking like.

They become a fucking Christian actor.

Performing at a Joel Osteen mega church.

Hey,

there's a lot of church fairs you could perform at that are sweet as hell.

Money for nothing.

Well, wait a minute.

Yeah, Dire Straits, right?

Dire Straits.

Pretty big band.

Sultan.

Well, no, they got the King's a Sultan.

Sure.

And Sultan's a Swiss.

Money for Nothing.

Yeah, but that song shouldn't be played on the radio today.

That little...

With the earring and the makeup.

That little is a millionaire.

I'd have turned turned that song off now.

Right.

You're like, girls, you're a mouse.

Even your wife.

What about the who?

The Who's like, who the fuck are you?

And they played that.

The Who Should Be the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?

The F-word?

Yeah.

That was taking on the establishment, though.

Okay.

Not a population that was

so

tiny and so had no voice whatsoever back then.

Wait, who did that?

Who is it directed at?

Do you remember them?

Do you know what I'm talking about?

I didn't like fucking dire straits.

It was the song.

It was on, it was on every, it was on 24-7.

You know what I'm talking about?

What's the F word?

The Money for Nothing.

What's the F-word?

You don't know?

It's a homosexual slur.

Oh, he says fag or faggot?

Yeah.

But he's, oh, so he's like coming out and calling people faggot.

It's like,

no, no.

No, he just calls.

You don't remember that song Money for Nothing?

I do remember it, but what the fuck is that part I remember, obviously?

No, I don't remember any part where he called somebody a faggot.

Can you look up the lyrics real quick?

Yeah, he does.

I remember it.

Oh, it's yeah.

And it's mean.

It's like a face lyric.

He's dismissing them.

When you say the F-word, I think you mean fuck, not fat.

Oh, I can't.

Not even for nothing lyrics.

So they're done.

They're not getting in, Q.

All right.

Not in this climate.

Oh, he says he drops it a lot.

Yeah.

Oh, he says it multiple times.

Oh, he says it, yeah.

He says, see the little faggot with the earring and the makeup?

Yeah, buddy, that's his own hair.

That little faggot got his own jet airplane.

That little faggot, he's a millionaire.

Is he talking about himself, though?

People calling him a faggot?

No, he's talking about

probably like Elton John or something.

Okay.

Now there's speculation

has been introduced into the argument.

He's

talking about a real faggot like Elton John.

This guy's watching.

Yeah,

that was a bad choice, Fault.

You should have...

You should have been with

me.

Because he's actually gay.

So what you did is...

You signed it to a section.

You can talk about any number of faggots,

which is what offends me.

You know what I'm saying?

I know what you're saying.

You know, like, you know, who's he talking about, thank you.

Well, he's watching MTV.

He's watching MTV, and he's watching the people on TV, which certainly includes Elton John.

At that point, he would have been the biggest

homosexual in music.

Freddie Mercury.

But not known at that point.

Oh, good point.

All right.

Well, there you go.

So they're out.

They're out.

They're not out.

So don't vote for them.

Bon Jovi.

As far as I know, didn't have any hateful lyrics.

No.

No, he's always talking about like blue collar, his parents getting together, or love.

Well, the list continues.

Fucking queer bullshit.

Eurythmics?

Ooh, that's a tough one because that.

There's a lot of tough one.

There's like 10 more people in there.

But they're not rock and roll.

That's what always annoys me, though.

Yeah, but it's become the music hall of fame.

That's the thing.

But again, no, you got maybe three songs.

Yeah, Public Enemy was inducted, and they're not rock and roll.

Bon Jovi's gotten a much bigger library of well, there's some heavy hitters coming.

All right, who else?

Jay Giles band, which is Senefa.

It's every fucking love stinks.

Here's one.

Two songs.

Well, here's one that I think that's going to draw you guys up a little bit.

Judas Priest.

Uh-oh.

They're getting in.

They're getting in because of

dire straits.

Yes.

So they beat Bon Jovi, Judas, Judas Priest.

Well, how many can get in?

Only one?

I don't know.

I don't have an answer to that.

I think Judas Priest deserves to get in on based upon their.

They could have a big ceremony and induct one person.

But I think Judas Priest gets in because of their legacy.

It's because they are an important metal band.

And

let's not discount politics because it's big in this world.

It's like they had a real faggot.

Who got kicked out of the band?

Well, not that.

Maybe Dire Streets were talking about them.

No, no, no.

No,

he did get removed because of that.

They didn't want to be identified with a gay dude, which I don't know how the fuck, because he came out.

And I think that's

the first time.

When those band members were making that video for Hot Rockin', how did they not know?

They're just like, well, why do we have guys wearing Speedos all leathered up?

Because everybody was doing that back then.

No, go watch Hot Rockin' Q.

Yeah.

And if you don't get a chub.

You met him straight?

Well, no, I'm just saying

it's crazy.

It's basically softcore.

Okay.

And a guy who dresses more like he's in the village people, like in the motorcycle outfit, than in Judas Priest, right?

Who?

Or Halford?

Halford, yeah.

Let me shut the volume.

I don't know.

I don't think that, I don't think that that was.

Well, it starts with them working out shirtless.

Oh, it's shut up.

Oh, it's crazy.

Like, the band members are going to claim they didn't know.

They're lying.

You're like, I can't believe how much we all likes pussy.

Right, Rob?

He's like, sure, I guess.

I mean, do a couple bench presents over here.

I've seen actual gay porn.

This is gayer than that.

I told you.

That's why I say it.

I think that if the band members are going to claim that.

Now they're in the shower together.

They're in the shower together.

There's like, when somebody pitches this video idea, they're like, so for your next manly video, we're thinking.

How about girl and a sauna together?

Do women come into this at all?

Never.

No.

But I tell you what, though.

Watching it through the eyes of a 15-year-old, I have no idea.

No idea.

I was like, that's what

metal heads do.

Well, it was in a time when

you were in gym.

You were forced to take a shower with other guys, so it was kind of normalized.

I guess that is a weird video.

Yeah, like you get done with Jim, you're in the shower, you're like, I feel like a rock star.

Wow.

All right.

So

if Anjo, we may need dance help.

Yeah.

Well, LL Cool J.

I'll run through the rest.

LO Cool J.

LL Cool J.

He's getting in.

The MC5, the meters.

Ooh, MC5.

Who's that?

They're a big, big time.

Kick out the jams, baby.

Kick out the jams.

That's them.

It gets worse.

Guys, it doesn't get any better.

It gets worse.

Moody Blues.

Radiohead.

Radiohead?

That's such a radiohead.

Oh, radio head.

I love radiohead.

But moody blues, you know, we got to worry about them.

Right, but we got to worry about radiohead.

Radiohead, yeah.

They're an art band.

Music to suck dick to, as one said on television.

No, that's not rocking.

I agree.

That's the new music to suck dick to.

Rage Against the Machine.

That's a tough one.

I love Rage Against the Machine.

Rufus featuring Chaka Khan.

Nah.

No.

Nina Simone.

That's a legacy vote.

Sister Rosetta Tharpe.

Don't know who that is.

Link Ray and the Zombies.

So there is some.

Maybe next year for Bon Jovi.

No, unless he's.

We need this year.

Unless we need this year.

Why won't Bon Jovi come in?

Because I'm not going to ask him.

I'll be honest, there are other bands I like on that list more than Bon Jovi, for sure.

Yeah, but none of them has.

They're not from New Jersey, do they?

They're not from New Jersey, and they haven't contributed to the show like Bon Jovi has.

That's true.

I don't know.

Judas Priest just came close with

a video.

All right, so this is you making a plea.

Rockhall.com.

You can vote up for five artists at one time.

I'm saying, don't do that.

Just vote for Bon Jovi and hit send.

Don't help these other guys out.

Please.

I mean, like,

all those bands probably need it more than Bon Jovi.

Yeah, Bon Jovi just is selling out arenas.

That's what I'm saying.

He doesn't even need it.

And has never stopped.

It's never, it wasn't never.

It's never been like how poison sold out arenas and then there was a long lull before anybody cared again.

Like Bon Jovi has consistently like he will

continue on keeping on doing what he's doing.

I don't like it anymore.

But with whether he's in the hall or not, I mean.

That's because I'll tell you why.

Because if he is scheduled to be there for an hour and a half, he's there for two hours.

No.

He's there for two hours.

He doesn't fucking dial it in.

This guy's selling out shit.

Yeah, I mean, but he's also like a little puss boy.

He is not.

Oh, no.

He is not a Bon Jovi?

No.

Talking about the guy got married when he was 18.

No, he didn't.

Yeah, he did.

He got married very young.

He's with his high school sweetheart.

We're talking about that.

Yeah, he is.

I don't think he got married, though, at that age, though.

I think that was later on.

I know I don't know.

You're saying he was out there on the road getting some fucking

some groupie ass?

We can't have that.

Wanted dead or alive.

Remember that?

That was the big song, too, right?

Right.

Yeah, Q.

I don't know.

He's getting in, Q.

Don't worry, bro.

Don't you lose any sleep over it.

My finger twitches

when I think about Blaze of Glory.

It's going to happen.

If it's not this year,

tell him, Steve, Dave.

A broader water gold,

a strange tremble, battle.

A welcome surprise get high

for him

back to tomorrow

And I that moments are in play

for the end tangles bitter

Go through the crowd like a a rain.

My favourite still only slave.

My only purpose,

I have the believer

who will draft

to my grave.

I to the demon clash from my faith.

Lift this curse on suicidal terror.

Suitable terror

to play with a war

to play with a promise and warn and romance.

be right back.

A burn of water,

the breath of breath of the Lord.

You're welcome to break and eyes.

We are beneath the war.

And I never mentioned to it, but

burn for the

middle.

Roll through the ground by your body.

My move was too old.

And like a demon, cross on my breath.

I lift this curse of suit I don't care.

Suit I don't care

to the worst of vibrator promise

to the words of vibrator promise and what

eyes warm,

and away

dark.

through

and we'll go through

and we'll go

through

every

gone through

help you darkest far.

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