#355: The 2017 Overdose Full Special

Don't give me the fucking hardest.

You wanna talk shit in hell?

I'm never toothless, though.

Not with this overbite.

He's the person.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tellum Steve Dave with video.

We have

BQ Voorhees over here.

Hello.

We got the Tell him Steve Dave official exorcist, Father Lance.

Hello.

And we got Walt.

Hello.

You love Halloween?

I do.

You can't get enough of it.

I mean, it's the other, I mean, Christmas Trump's Halloween, but you know, it's a very close second.

It's my favorite.

Right, Father Lance?

I'm just trying to

round those a little bit here.

He's like, you know, Jesus wasn't born in.

Forget it.

Yeah, man, I love Halloween.

I like it way more than Christmas.

Christmas, I find, too stressful, man.

I just don't like it.

Do you like buy me something?

You can take a pass on Halloween if you want, and nobody says anything.

You can't take a pass on Christmas.

But people are happy with candy.

You can buy candy and everybody wants it.

It's not like, oh, what's their personality?

I got to buy a fucking present to suit this person.

I will say this.

Nobody steals my lawn on Christmas.

No.

It's because it's frozen.

They can't get it up.

they would if they could uh father lance what do you think about halloween this darkest of holidays oh love it you love it one of my favorites oh yeah it's a pagan holiday though well oh christian roots you know all hallows eve yeah dave for uh all saints day which is november 1st so plus who even counts christmas as secular anymore right i think a lot of people no nobody i think a lot of people do sometimes i see people going to church on christmas i'm like what's the matter with you it's the only time i go you go on christmas or christmas eve Eve?

Uh, whenever my mom wants me to go, whenever I make her happy, yeah, yeah,

that's her gift.

Yeah,

what was your uh, we must have talked about this in the past.

Your favorite costume ever?

Uh, my favorite personal costume.

Um, I guess one time when I was, I had a really good kiss outfit.

Which one were you?

Paul, nice,

the lover, yeah,

some things never change, Father Lance.

He's out there sowing his seed.

Starchild.

Speaking of costumes, we do a roundup every

year

of the offensive Halloween costumes that you're not supposed to wear that could set people off, especially today, 2017, Father Lance.

People are getting triggered all over the place looking for safe spaces.

What do you think about this?

Oh, I hate PC.

I hate safe spaces.

I hate it all.

Yeah.

See,

when I was young, if if I went to church and the pastor was like this,

you know,

I might have been a different person.

Why?

What outreach were you missing from the church?

Yeah, that's true.

It was the 70s, so anything went.

Yeah, nobody really cared much.

But I'm going to dip out because

I want to do the list in a costume that I have.

Oh, you actually brought a list of costumes you can't wear anymore.

Yeah, well, every year.

Normally we get it from Huffington Post, but this year year the uh the good people at uh at good housekeeping are gonna let us know oh if you've ever wondered like how can i be more like woke yeah more woke than you already are okay to good housekeeping because they are the ones who are who are laying it down i can't wait to hear these

so wait you're putting on a costume well we got video then

where can people go to watch the video tell them steve dave.com on assuming yeah well why do you assume everybody's gonna know that though

uh now i'm doing the work for everyone.

What do I got to do all the heavy lifting?

Yeah.

Fuck you.

You're just so anxious about a costume.

I can't wait to get it out.

Fuck, man.

Hang that back up.

I'll put my costume over there.

Yeah, I can see that too.

I called it.

Oh, Fatherland's called it, buddy.

A buddy tampon in a sombrero.

A mini sombrero.

The most offensive kind of sombrero.

You can't see a lot of the

it looks brand new when you sit down.

Does it?

Yeah.

All right.

Let me just pull it up a little bit.

You didn't think to make armholes?

Do you think I made this?

This is

courtesy of.

Hold on a second here.

But shouldn't we cut you armholes?

We should, but

you're not going to sit there.

You can't.

Not the whole time.

It's so hot.

No, this was.

Tanya Huang made this for me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

13%.

She actually made it for me last year, but like I missed Halloween.

You've just been sitting on that for a year?

I kept it, yeah.

And waited until the next Halloween.

So the most offensive costumes, Father Lance.

How do you like this?

You called it.

Yeah,

it's weird.

He knew what your costume was going to be.

Yeah, because I think I said last year, right?

I was like, I'm going to go out as a used tampon with

a mini Samaritan.

I was just going to go with this as many years ago.

Right.

I know you were anticipating a blacklash, especially now.

Blacklash?

What's that?

What?

Are you?

No.

From whom?

But why would you do it, though, if you weren't expecting it, though?

Because somebody made it.

Yeah, because somebody made it.

Holy shit.

Shield is hot.

You must want the backlash to come.

I want somebody to be mad, sure.

If someone's not mad, you're not going to be happy, right?

No.

Then I'm going for it next year.

It's the same costume, but Blackfeet.

Send Chelsea Clinton a picture of this happy Halloween.

Yeah.

Send me a good idea.

Yeah, be like, I went out as your mother's tampon.

Oh, God.

All right.

So, this year, Father Lance, I'm going to see how many of these you agree or disagree with.

Oh, my God.

Why don't you just take it off?

No way.

No way.

You're already sweating.

You're poor fucking sweet.

It's really hot.

So the first one is a Holocaust victim.

I think a lot of people.

This is the Ann Frank.

This is the Anne Frank one, right

so

so don't go out I mean the idea I mean she's the most recognizable Holocaust but who would see that costume and know what that was I wouldn't it looks like a girl scream doesn't it kind of it says child's night child's 1940s girl costume

and uh i guess it's supposedly anne frank although i mean i don't know how But shouldn't you have like an like maybe build like an attic around you?

And you should

also have a journal or a diary?

Nope.

And you should also have like a stormtrooper following you around.

Yeah, I think they should avoid that one.

But

I don't even get how that falls into a Halloween theme.

I don't know.

You just, and I mean, if this does, then.

Well, that, yeah, I get that.

And Frank and a sombrero.

You really want to get to your shit, don't you?

You're not waiting at all.

Anything involving blackface, Fatherlands.

Do you agree with that?

That you shouldn't wear it?

That you should not, shouldn't wear it.

Yeah, I should not wear it.

Wait, what?

Yeah, you got to stay away from it.

Yeah, but that's been apparent for.

Unless it's Christmas time and you're in Holland and you're Black Pete.

Then I think

let me tell you something because

the independent UK, all right?

Now they agree.

This is from Good Housekeeping.

This is from the Independent UK.

Don't black up.

All right.

So they're saying don't use.

It's too hot.

I can't take it.

I can't take it.

I'm not even going to stand up.

Oh, my God.

Thank you.

What's she making out?

Thank you, Tanya Huang, but it's just too hot.

I can't deal with it.

I'll be eBaying that.

So they say, don't black it up.

Now

it's racist.

Now, remember, a person of color pretending to be white, it might be prejudiced, but it's not racist.

Can you explain that sentence to me?

No.

I like it.

If you're in blackface, you're racist.

But if you're a black person wearing a white face, it's prejudiced, but it's not racist.

Does that fall under the banner of it's impossible to be racist against white people?

I think, yeah, they're playing.

Well, it's one person's opinion.

It's the rules, though.

I think they're.

This is the UK Independent.

They have editors.

It's their opinion, yeah.

It doesn't mean it's everybody's opinion.

It's only, but that's not even an American institution.

It doesn't matter.

They still still celebrate Halloween.

Whiteface on black people.

Racist or prejudice?

Oh.

Not a good idea.

How about that?

They don't celebrate Halloween, Q?

What do you mean they?

What?

UK.

Oh.

Yeah, they do.

So quick to be.

I'm very sensitive, man.

It's not like it is here, is it?

I think it's growing.

It wasn't always, but I think it's people finding the excuse to dress women up in skimpy outfits in the UK.

Now they're finding the.

Oh, you mean women?

What I say?

People.

Why?

Men can't dress in skippy outfits?

No, they can, but you're saying dressing women up.

Women, this is the holiday.

This is the holiday, right?

When a woman is like, I don't know.

I don't want to turn this into this.

I don't want to turn this into this.

I don't care.

Drifting down.

Eventually it's going to cut the race.

Tranny Granny.

Did you ever dress up as Tranny Granny as a kid?

What does that mean?

I did.

Transphobic costume.

Tranny Granny is like a fat ass old lady.

Why is that transphobic?

With, well, I guess because I don't know, it's I don't know, but transfer.

Why?

Why is that transfer?

Hey, talk to good housekeeping.

You're wearing drag.

Drag theater tradition for years.

Don't go is a Syrian refugee.

Like, how would somebody know?

How would they pull that off?

All right.

Don't go is anything that body shames or objectifies.

So if you're...

This, Father Lance, this was your costume last year.

I remember it.

I remember it well.

Father Lance was riding around on an inflatable fat-ass stripper.

I was like, Father Lance, what are you doing?

He's like, living.

Cultural stereotypes.

Again, I disagree.

We've said it before.

If you are a hot girl, you get a pass and you can dress up as an Indian.

Yeah, whatever.

Geisha girl, they say no.

Holy shit, this looks like Pedro.

Yeah, that's no go.

That's no go.

yeah that's not

i mean

i mean i don't know why they need to put this on the internet as if anybody needs to know like well i was wondering about going as one of these things because they're going to do it anyway

even if they were going to do what they were going to do people are are addressing fate for people just to click on it and then get angry and then be like i can't believe this

it's just more just a way to get traffic to their website and stay housekeeping painfully obviously good housekeeping needs to stay relevant uh even though they're still in business is it still a monthly publication I don't know.

Do you ladies know?

Is good housekeeping?

You don't look like good housekeeping type readers now.

You're not octogenarian.

Don't dress as a terrorist.

Why?

Well, again,

what would you be dressed as?

I don't know.

What does a terrorist look like?

Osama bin Laden.

Okay.

Yeah, probably not.

Throw a turban on Brian.

But so far, none of the costumes affect me because I wouldn't dress in any of these.

Would you dream of that?

Even if it was not offensive to some, none of these are really particularly clever or fun.

Okay, say you died, Q.

Let's say.

And you found out that people were going out as zombie Q.

I think it's great.

Good housekeeping says no.

Zombie versions of recently deceased celebrities.

I don't know why anybody would care about that.

I don't think anyone does.

Even if I saw like zombie Tom Petty walking down the street, I'd be like, all right, that guy liked Tom Petty, I guess, can play.

But no.

Eating disorders.

In fact, if I die,

I would like the following Halloween.

There'd be a lot of zombie cue costumes.

Like all zombies.

Like a thriller type thing, like where all the zombies are like a bunch of cues.

That's a thriller dance.

Yeah, I think it'd be great.

That bat's horrible.

It's just

entirely covering his face, isn't it?

What?

No, it has to be the fishing light.

Is it annoying you, though?

I don't even notice it.

Do you really?

Really?

Okay, all right, good.

Eating disorders, which are a riot.

You said that earlier.

You did go on about that quite a bit.

Yeah.

You were like, they don't eat enough food.

And then their organs shut down.

Anorexia.

This is from last year, though.

This got pulled last year.

Yeah.

Animal Cruelty, the dentist, I guess, who shot the lion.

Walt.

If you're going to go out as OJ Simpson and your wife is going to be Nicole Simpson.

What if I went as Medea, but like I love the character of Medea?

Are you in Blackface?

No.

What are you?

I got the wig.

I got all the stuff.

And I talk like, I'm like, you skirred?

You know, but I'm genuinely like a fan.

And I know enough not to put the blackface on, but I am rocking Medea.

Then I think nobody would know.

Would you know if he's like, you scared?

I don't even know what Medea is.

What's Medea?

It's a super annoying character that Tyler Perry created and made a lot of fun.

I thought he was

a motherfucker.

I thought you were were mispronouncing Mandela.

No, you skirred?

He wouldn't make me a bumblebee.

Transphobia.

Transphobic?

No, because I'm a character.

I'm not just a dude in dress.

Well, how about this?

You're going as O.J.

I think we got a title

for the episode.

You go as O.J.

Simpson.

Say you just...

totally like put a good house scheme to the side.

You're like, fuck him, I've gotten this far in life without good housekeeping.

I'm going to go for it.

I'm going to be O.J.

Simpson.

Is a black face different than a black mask?

If you have an O.J.

Simpson mask over your white face, is it just as racist?

That's probably you can get away with because it's a plastic mask.

You can get away with it.

You can do that?

Yeah.

Yeah, I think so.

But make up to skin.

No good.

Because that has a history of

menstrual shows.

You can't do that.

Yeah.

That's what it is, buddy.

That's what's so painful to people today is they see black face.

They think minstrel shows and pain.

Pain.

is that what today's youth is thinking i don't know do they know i'm not young nah me neither uh mentally ill person

don't wear a straight jacket the same exact list as it's the same every year like the joker you can't be the joker

you scared no

no stick with medea sexual harassment uh flasher jokes so if you're gonna be a flasher

she think again

is that a lady no that's a dude no that's a guy yeah that's a guy.

Don't go as a flasher.

Don't go as a homeless person or hobo, as we called them growing up, or bums.

Your revolution is over, Lebowski.

The bum's lost.

This is the same list as last year.

Yeah, 9-11.

Don't go as 9-11, national tragedy.

And that's it.

Where are you going to go as any of them, Father Lance?

No.

Or several of them.

No.

Jedi.

I'll stick with Star Wars.

Safe.

Jedi?

yeah who's your Jedi go to Obi-Wan Mace Window Mace Window and Blackface Father Lance

are you scared I see a little bit of the

no the

who was Ian McGregor he even looked like Ian McGregor not Sir Elekinus

does he a little bit yeah he does

I'm looking at his wife she's saying no

I really know

yeah really a lot you have have you done that lately gone out you know who Ian McGregor is right right?

No, not.

He's the guy who played Obi-Wan, right?

Young Obi-Wan.

Star Wars Celebration 3.

I went to that.

I was going to say you grow the little rat tail?

No, I didn't.

You would

walk.

You could definitely pass.

He could rock a rat tail.

Did you ever have one as a kid, like in the 80s?

No.

No.

The nuns, one at my, at the parental school I went to, a kid showed up.

you know, at fall one day with one over the summer nun.

Nun cut it?

Cut it right off.

Do you remember?

I mean, you couldn't do that today, man.

She was like, Sure, you could.

When we were in school, this

kid cut off another kid's tail.

And the reaction was as if he had cut off

his mom's nose.

Like, he was enraged.

Yeah.

Yeah.

His name was Jimbo White.

His face was super red.

And like, I guess he had taken a little time to grow out this rat's tail.

It takes time.

Yeah.

Somebody cut it off.

How would you feel?

Somebody ran out and killed your beard.

I mean,

I'm not happy, but if I were in high school yeah and i had this beard

um

yeah i i mean i i didn't think he should be happy but

not such a big puss about it yeah well when you look back is a rat tail something that you're like is he still hurting does it still hurt if he can't grow if he lost his hair he did oh well then he did he's a bald he's a bald guy now he could use that rat tail all right it's not like this murderous row of follicules right here

um so i'm gonna go out I think, as Tranny and Frank in Blackface this year.

Are we going to be a new year?

Or next year for Halloween?

Are you bringing a costume?

I was going to bring that.

Now I'm not.

That's too hot.

It's way too hot.

Yeah.

I don't know.

What should I go out as?

I'm going as I'm dusting off the old Ghostbusters costume.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

That's involved.

Maybe it's a jumpsuit.

Get some hunting gear and go as one of the Duck Dynasty guys.

It's easy.

Bring my shotgun.

Well, a fake shotgun.

Why don't you go as one of the new Ghostbusters?

The Leslie.

What's her name, right?

No.

The black lady.

I'll go with her.

I'll go with...

What's her name again?

Leslie...

What's her name again?

I don't know.

Does anyone know her name?

What is it?

Get him?

Jones.

Leslie Jones?

Is that it?

Yeah.

I'm going to go out as Leslie Jones's used tampon in Blackfield.

All right.

Sounds like a good time in New Orleans this year.

Yeah.

That's what I'm doing.

So those are the costumes that you should not

buy this year or dress up as.

There has to be more, right?

Oh, God, yeah.

There's tons of costumes you shouldn't wear.

Aborted fetus.

Have you ever seen that at the church Halloween picnic?

No.

No?

All right.

What's your position on that as an exorcist?

On what?

Abortion.

Oh, bad.

That's good.

Yeah?

Bad.

You don't like it, huh?

Where's that soul go?

You have to ask that question.

Where's that soul go?

I don't understand how you could even ask that question.

I mean, the guy looks like Ewan McGregor.

I don't know.

Maybe he's cool.

You think Ewan McGregor hasn't had abortions?

Yeah, but

just because he's, I mean, he's a man of the cloth.

What do you think

his stance is going to be?

I don't know, man.

I don't know if he's gone rogue or whatever.

Who knows?

I don't know Father Lance as well as you do.

I don't sit there talking about sports all day.

Did you see him throw that football?

Oh, I sure did, Walt.

Who gives a fuck?

You won't.

Let Walt get to it.

This is your baby.

Well, I mean, look at what we did here today.

I mean, we had a green screen here.

We got a bat.

We got a bat that's covering our most precious commodity.

I know.

BQ.

I mean, if anybody's face should not be covered, it's BQ's here.

Well, I got my hockey mask anyway.

You're a close second.

He's getting jealous.

Like I said, he looks like you were Gregor Chuck.

I mean, but I mean, really, I mean, I didn't plan this out all that well because I should not have put you underneath the bat.

But

it's not blocking me at all.

Or me underneath the birdcage I knocked down.

Yeah, I mean, we got the Prussian kissing skull on the table.

There it is.

I sensed it with the holy salt.

The salt and the coin that the last time you were here, the father gave us the protective coin.

Oh, somebody gave me $5 to put in there.

So do you want to keep it like you do the rest?

I will keep it.

Every $5 I get, I put in there.

Myundis,

they feel good.

Your butt will be be proud to wear them if your butt were sentient i guess it would be proud uh go to meundis.com slash t-e-s-d oh feel free to improvise uh with tons of styles and patterns blah blah blah uh it's unmatched they use naturally do you have any meundis do priests wear underwear yes okay do you uh wear meundis i do have a pair of meundis all right they're nice right i like them they're expensive probably they are but you know what like they hold their shape and you don't really have to like keep buying more and more right

so soft you got any for your lady for your wife no oh you come on father lance day is coming they make them for girls too uh three times soften con for a limited time only their first glow in the dark print lights out now i'll have to oh

whoa come on talk you sir

all right uh why not update your underwear drawer and glow at the same time uh i heard that they also they're starting to make socks but that's not oh yeah They're starting to make socks, which I really,

if I were, if I were a wealthy man, like I had BQ money, like, you know, before all the taxes, I would buy, I would wear a new pair of socks every year.

You and all of America have half of my money, so don't worry about it.

It's fine.

It's great.

I love spending.

No money spends sweeter than Q's money.

Goddamn socialist society we live in.

So go to meundis.com slash T-E-S D, meundis.com slash T-E-S-D, and you will get, what did I say you're going to get?

Oh, 20% off

free shipping and 100% satisfaction guarantee.

You didn't even think about sending them back, did you, Father Lance?

No.

No way.

So

you want to get into

the segment of why Father Lance is here?

Sure.

It wasn't to discuss abortions in Anne-Frank?

I told him that it would just be, I didn't expect

that kind of,

I told him he'd be in for a game and that we were going to keep it above board and that he wouldn't have anything to worry about.

I didn't think it to, I'd never once crossed my mind he'd come out as a as a used.

But he guessed it.

He did guess it.

He guessed it.

That's why I thought he was cool.

That's why I felt like I could venture into abortion territory with him.

And turns out I was wrong.

Can't win them all.

No.

Still a win.

But I mean, everything's a win.

What do you think of the

set, though?

I mean, this is the first time you've ever had a set in the stash.

Tell them, Steve Dave, at least.

This is from Hobby Lobby, right?

This stuff?

It's from all over.

It's Hobby Lobby, it's Christmas Shop, it's Michaels.

What were people mad about at Hobby Lobby again?

Was it their pro-life stance?

I was in the way about the

sexual,

what's it called?

When you get bonanza.

No, when you disease.

No, I don't need to.

When you have, so you don't get pregnant.

What's that?

Birth contraception.

Birth control, right?

That's what they were up in norms about because they want to pay for their employees, birth controls.

Surely

you have to agree with birth control.

Oh, well, officially, I have to go with the church there.

But

unofficially, it's unofficial.

I understand what people want to look at.

Mr.

McGregor.

Well, I mean, you work in social services and shit.

So you see

firsthand, right?

Oh, yeah.

I see people every day that it's like, they never should have been born.

Usually when I look in the mirror in the morning.

That's the first person of the day.

What else do you got, Walt?

All right.

So the premise of the episode was that it's Halloween.

Obviously, everyone's listening to this either on Halloween or a little bit after Halloween.

And we called you here tonight because

the Baron's soul, he's told

one too many facts, and he's trapped in hell now.

We've called in an exorcist.

And what are your credentials again as an exorcist?

Well,

I know you said you were taking some courses, but the church is sending you to someone.

I watched a video on YouTube.

I took the corresponding.

No, and actually, I was named to their air forming exorcism team.

Exorcist of the year?

No.

Oh, wait, since last we spoke, you were named to a team?

To the, it's my diocese team, yes.

That happened since your last appearance.

Yes.

Have you been out on any runs yet?

Not yet.

Okay.

How do we get into this?

On Hulu, the Exorcist

series started up again.

No, I watched the third episode.

These three episodes.

Yeah.

Good.

Great show, man.

It's a very good show.

But so you were on it.

How many men are on this team?

Or are they all men?

I haven't met the doctor.

nurse people that are going to be involved with it.

We haven't had a meeting yet.

I just, they announced at our last meeting, they're forming it.

They asked who wanted to be on it, and

shockingly, nobody volunteered.

Really?

Not too many volunteers.

The priest who was put in charge of it, and he was like begging for people.

Who would say no to that?

What do you mean?

You're all putting yourself in real danger, like going into this.

Well, it was

those who I probably, you know, for those reasons didn't want to do it.

And otherwise, like, are we really doing this?

Like, they didn't think.

Not believing?

Unbelievers?

I guess.

Heretics.

Would you call them a heretic?

Some Some of these guys.

I don't know.

I'd say that they're heretics, but obviously they didn't give much credence to

possession happening.

The fucking bat, man.

It's

ass out the whole time.

I paid $10 for that bat and it hasn't shown you.

I just want to turn it so the face is.

It's not going to happen.

I'm taking it down.

Well, it's coming down.

The bat's done.

I don't want to hear about the bat anymore.

But do you guys go on drills?

Like, do you guys have some sort of drill set up where

it's not a real, like it's what you would do in case?

Well, I mean, like I said, the meetings haven't happened yet.

They're still getting everybody in place.

But yeah, we're going to meet, and I guess.

How many more people do they have to get?

They have to have a doctor, psychologist.

I mean, basically, because obviously the exorcist has to be a priest and

people to hold the person down.

So that's where I'm going to go.

That's the most dangerous position, right?

Because you're actually touching

and something could jump or try to jump into you.

I suppose.

Well, like, or like, you know,

just, you know, get hit.

You know.

What if he's like Father Karis and he's like, come into me?

Like, would you do that?

Would you sacrifice yourself?

Like, there's some 12-year-old girl.

No,

that's not how you do it.

No.

That's not how extracursi.

You don't ask the demon to

Hollywood has misled us.

Did you see that on the new episode of The Exorcist,

they stumbled upon a fake?

A fake

because the girl never spoke in ancient tongues.

Right.

Is that one of the rules?

Well, the mother was like Munchausen byproducts.

Yeah, but the reason the priest knew is because the kid never spoke in like, you know, Sanskrit, whatever the hell is that.

Right, right.

And they found the drugs.

Right, but is that one of the things that a demon has to do speak in tongues?

It's one of the signs.

Oh, man, that sounds scurry.

Are you screwed?

Now,

let's say

the bell rings at the church, and it's one of the, I don't know if it's a fire alarm kind of thing.

Slide down a pole.

Firehouse?

And it's a real call.

How nervous will you be?

Or is this like, you know, like there's guys at the firehouse

who can't wait for a fire, right?

Yeah, every one of them.

But like, will you be more nervous or you'd be like, I'm really looking forward to seeing what this is?

Or you'd be very apprehensive.

Oh, apprehensive, yeah.

Motherfucker possessed.

Well, just because you don't want anybody to have that happen to them.

So you're almost hoping it's...

But if it does happen, you want to be there.

I'm willing to be there.

Yeah.

Now, what does your family say?

Are they like, yo, be careful around those channels and shit?

Jen was not.

Your wife.

Crazy.

The lovely Jen.

She's like, don't bring anything home.

Were you afraid?

Were you afraid he might bring home some sort of

parasite demon?

I did tell him not to bring that.

Yeah.

She's scared.

I'm going to stop.

You know, on an unrelated topic, I'm going to be living with you guys for a little while.

What's that?

So maybe conversation for another day.

But what happened to the ghosts that were busted?

Like, my grandmother dies and becomes a ghost.

And then these four jackholes show up out of nowhere and put her, capture her, put her in a trap, and then put her in a lodge of containment system.

Right.

But that's my grandmother.

Yeah, but she should have went to heaven.

She shouldn't be hanging around here.

But we don't know why.

What she does.

What if it was just one of those situations where she's trying to just correct one right and then she gets to go to heaven?

It's against against the rules.

But not every other movie.

Every other movie, you got a shot to fix something.

Did your grandmother look like Slimer in real life?

Like, would you mistake her for Slimer?

No, but Slimer didn't look like Slimer in real life.

What I'm saying is, like,

what are the moral implications of

trapping and storing human souls?

Yeah, when you trap a ghost.

Well, that's exorcists aren't trapping.

No, I know.

We're talking about ghostbusters now.

Right.

When we're talking about ghostbusters, like, what would the church's position on that be?

This is a mortal souls being captured and held prisoner.

If Ghostbusters was real.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

That's the caveat here.

I've never thought about that, Q.

You want to get back to me on that one?

Sure.

Okay.

You can bring it up at the next meeting.

Yeah.

Seems weird.

All right.

So,

does that seem weird when you think about it?

Oh, yeah, it definitely is.

But the Ghostbusters were doing more.

They were trapping demons.

Yeah, but that library ghost wasn't

like

zul and well zul was an interdimensional creature but i'm just talking about like your your standard variety ghost like

we don't know why it's there and then suddenly they just they're just enslaving it what what's your goal though when you're listening you're exercising someone

and what what is your goal ultimately to get the demon out of them the person returns to normal but where does that demon go he doesn't go into a ghost buster

I mean hell back to hell I guess but remember that the demon isn't physically low is not physically inside the the person.

Yeah, just like,

how do you get out of hell?

Double let them out.

You're scared?

You know,

they're free to roam until the end of the world.

I mean,

would you

would you want to cease to exist or come back as a demon?

Neither.

Well, you got to pick up.

No, he's not going to cease to exist.

He's going to be in heaven.

Oh, Okay.

My dog is up there, too.

That's what my mom said.

All dogs go to heaven.

All right.

All right.

What are we doing?

I'm sorry, I got us on that ghost.

Now that the bat's gone, the conversation is sort of slowed down to the table.

So to do, to save the Baron's soul, you have to go into hell.

You're going to be transported there and with only BQ and Bry as your...

as your team members.

This is your new team.

I know you haven't met your team in Pittsburgh, but this is your team in Jersey.

All right.

I took a psychology class.

I had a ghost hunter pee on my toilet seat.

I know.

So we're quite

homeless to go into hell and save the baron's soul.

So in hell, Finlance, you and your posse will have a series of riddles, puzzles, and games to solve to reach the Baron's soul, which is imprisoned deep in the bowels of hell.

Now, for listeners, before we get started, I wanted to

announce to any listener that if you have ordered a Prussian mini skull, kissing skull, now would be the time to pause this podcast, go grab it, hold it in your hand the entire time you're listening to this podcast, because at a certain point, all the skulls will be very, very important to freeing the barren soul.

And if you haven't ordered a skull, it's okay.

Go order one now.

And just because you don't have one in your possession, as long as you've ordered one, you're going to be eligible for a big giveaway at the end of the episode.

Because technically, you're the owner.

Right.

Okay.

Yeah, because as long as you at least ordered one, you'll be

eligible for a big, big giveaway at the end of the episode.

So go get it now.

And if you haven't, go to tellhamstevedave.merchtable.com.

Go order a mini Prussian kissing skull and be eligible for a big, big giveaway at the end of the episode.

Do you feel used?

You're going to want it because I've done further research on the skull and we'll do that later.

What?

What?

You ordered one?

Oh, I have a little one.

Oh, yeah.

You ordered?

Oh, really?

I probably could have got one for free if I was just to ask, pal.

Wow, you did more research then?

I did some more research.

What'd you come up with?

Well, we'll talk about that after we play the game.

Okay, all right.

All right, so it's not going to affect the game, this new information.

It may affect the game.

It will help.

I think people will be pleased that they have a replica of the skull once this information gets out.

Whoa.

So you're saying

the church endorses the purchasing

of the mini Prussian Kissing Dollar Skull.

This is the little mini skull, and this is going to be very important at the end of the episode.

If you have one, go get it.

Keep it in your hand, hold it tight.

If you haven't gotten one, go order one.

And,

you know, like I said, you'll be eligible for a big giveaway at the end of the episode.

So before we enter hell, Father Lance, Brian, and Q, you must sell a little bit of your soul right here and right now.

And then right after that, we'll be ready to read the limerick and be ready to rock.

All right.

There you go, pal.

Here's the soul.

Thanks, buddy.

Here is the soul-selling part of the show.

This is Father Lance.

Father Lance.

He has a yes to.

Let's see.

Holy shit.

This is hold on a second.

Given the

bridged version.

Do Zip Recruiter because this is, yeah, it's like two pages of copy.

It's crazy.

Isn't it possible just to read the where to go to?

I mean, why?

It's so long, it would take longer.

In need of great talent for your business, but short on time.

You don't have to get lost in each stack of resumes to find your perfect hire.

You just need the right tools, smarter tools.

You got a good voice for this.

What if hiring could be easier?

We're here.

You guys are like,

he's handsome.

Yo, what a voice.

The guy's here.

He's here.

You don't have to win.

I'm all.

You keep stroking him.

He looks like Ewan McGregor, and you sound like shit.

So even when you're busy, you can still be smart about the way you hire.

If you're hiring, you know that quality hires keep your businesses moving forward, but you also know it can take a lot of time to find the right candidate for the job.

Are you hiring?

Do you know where to post your job to find the best candidates?

Go to zip.

It's unreal, right?

It's unreal how long it is.

What's the code, Father Lance?

That's the important part.

That's way down here.

Because I want you to read all this other code first.

Father Lance might not lie to you people.

So with Zip Recruiter, you can post your job to over 100 of the web's leading job boards with just one click.

So you can rest easy knowing your job is being seen by the right candidates.

Then, ZipRecruiter puts its smart matching technology to work, actively notifying qualified candidates about your job within minutes of posting, so you receive the best possible matches.

That's why ZipRecruiter is different.

Unlike other hiring sites, ZipRecruiter doesn't depend on the right candidates finding you.

This is why I don't read the candidate finds them.

What's the code?

Let's see.

ZipRecruiter.

Oh, that's zip.

So go to ziprecruiter.com/slash T-E-S-D.

One more time to try it for free.

Go to ziprecruiter.com slash T-E-S-D.

I think that was more than enough.

I mean, other pods don't give that much love, do they?

160 seconds.

I think that was definitely 60 seconds.

All right.

We've all sold our souls a little bit.

Yeah.

Just a bit.

Even Father Lance.

All right.

So now, if we're all

we've

relayed the premise.

You understand what's going on, Father Lance?

Do you know what you have to do?

Rescue the Baron from hell.

Rescue the Baron's soul from hell.

Because the Baron can appear, but he just can't give you any facts.

That's the thing.

So if you say the rhyme, the Baron will appear, but he just won't be able to give you any facts, though.

Until you get him out of hell, then he can start whipping out facts like his old self.

So just to be clear, we can get him out of hell just by

saying a rhyme, but we're going to enter hell and put ourselves at risk just so he can

people facts as opposed to just googling facts,

but we're risking his alter ego, Walter, at the same time.

Okay.

Yeah, because I mean Walter's soul.

What's that?

That's I'm I'm giving five dollars to the Prussian kiss and devil to ask for its help in this endeavor.

He's doing it on screen because he knows he's accountable.

Okay, and you always

the little the little skulls here, too.

Remember, if you haven't ordered one, go quickly, go order one.

Tell him steve dave.merchtable.com.

And if you have ordered one, make sure it's in your hand right now because it's about to get spooky, scary, and we're about to finally put this green screen in use

after three hours.

What's behind us right now?

Do we know?

I mean, yeah, we had the green screen and now it's taken us so long to get it.

Finally, now we're going to get to use it though.

I don't know what's been behind her right now.

That's up to

the guys over there that we can't, that nobody can see.

And Declan, who has been, who's feverishly compiling footage right now for stuff to go behind us.

I got hit by a hurricane, man.

that won't stop me.

Fuck you off Julia.

Fuck you.

All right, so if you guys close your eyes and you say the poem,

maybe the Baron can wiggle his way from hell to come here.

But again, don't expect any facts because you got a mission to get it.

You'll be sorely let down

if you think a factor too is coming your way.

You know the rhyme?

I do.

Okay.

Okay.

So we got to close your eyes.

Okay, and then when I say open your eyes, I know you can open them now.

All right.

Darkness.

Walt's naked.

Too fast, by the way.

It's too fast.

So, by too fast, you meant him saying it at all was too fast?

All right, go ahead.

Darkness, drown out the light.

No, not yet.

Too fast, too fast.

Okay, well then.

Go ahead.

Darkness, drown out the light.

Fiend of fact, appear before my sight.

Give us a fact.

Caveat emtour, bitch.

Not you, bro.

Those two jerks.

The baron is here.

A factless baron.

Toothless.

He is the personification.

I'm never toothless, though.

No, he's not get him.

Not with this overbite.

He's the person.

He's a personification of playing it safe, right what's that you what do you

like you're like uh caveat am to a bitch and and quickly the the shaman the priest the holy man is is

excused from that just me and q are the bitches for whatever reason so i i imagine there was something spectacular right there right now

oh yeah i can see everything because it's like way cock-cut it doesn't look good

There you go.

Yeah, I could still, I could have seen though.

Yeah, I just

a visual medium.

Can anybody see me?

All right.

This is like, this is easy.

This is.

Boy, I hope it doesn't feel like TV, like

cable access.

Like Svengooley?

He's on me TV.

Oh, my God.

You got a Svengooley shirt on.

Yeah.

I don't know if I should.

Is that like disrespectful to the Baron?

What do you mean?

Because, I mean,

tell him Steve Dave Towns, Svengoole.

Yeah, but he's been doing it for decades.

Yeah, I mean, you can respect the pioneers who

kind of started it, right?

A little bit.

I mean, what do you think?

Is it jelly baron?

Is that a good look for him?

I don't know.

It's kind of like, I mean,

we do sell Baron shirts.

Yeah.

You're wearing a spangooie shirt.

Yeah, you can't be that guy that wears your own shirt.

Really?

Go to tell himstevedave.merchtable.com, get a shirt and a skull.

Yeah, you won't find any spangoole shirts there.

Oh, there it is.

There it is.

Oh,

I'm very impressed.

Very impressive.

That's why you're the bitch and he's not.

Am I?

According to the Baron.

I think I fixed it.

My collar is now fixed.

All right, so now get ready because we're about to go through time and space to a dimension you people call hell.

Okay.

I've been calling it home since I've been banished.

Wait.

How long has it been?

I told him the fact that put me into hell was about a week ago.

But to me, here it feels like a week, but in hell, it's been a million years.

You're giving out a lot of facts now.

Those are not real facts.

That's just the.

That's just information.

That's just information.

Got it, God.

So get on your breath stick.

Shit.

So, how am I looking all right here?

Am I looking okay?

All right.

What's our background?

Are we burning up?

Are we in hell?

Well, no, we're not in hell yet.

No, we're not.

Yeah,

I don't know where we're at right now, but we're about to go through

outer space.

Playboy Mansion in the 60s.

It's Declan playing Russian roulette.

All right, you ready?

Ready?

We're about to go to light speed.

Go!

Got it!

This is scourging!

All right, we're in hell.

All right.

You feel the heat?

You feel the flames, Father Lance?

You can feel them.

I bet you never told you'd be here.

No.

I feel like, yeah like if I were spending a lot of time in the store it would be hellish yeah it would be you don't even need the green screen no oh is that what that is

all right so

bringing up comic books let me get your reactions right now now what would it be what would you be really doing now if like what are you doing checking texts all of a sudden

You went on your first mission with the real thing, and all of a sudden you were like, boom.

You felt like you were in hell.

What would be the first move?

Would it be to solve a puzzle, maybe?

You're like, how do I find my way out of this open neighborhood?

All right, Father Lance.

The very first game you have to play is I will be giving you one-word clues.

So wait, I just...

We solve, we compete in games, and hell, if we successfully do it, releases the barons.

Well, there's going to be the demon.

We're about to meet some demons.

Each time we meet a new demon, he's going to give you a test.

If you pass the test or if you beat him at his game, you move on.

There's only four demons, though.

Well, five.

It's a two-headed demon.

What if we fail?

You're stuck in hell.

Oh, now I gotta get myself out of hell.

Oh, and you know what they keep really help you.

The only gas.

Do you really think with this crack team you're gonna get stuck in hell?

No, I just would have.

The information that I could get stuck in

wasn't given to me until I was in hell.

I thought that information up front.

Well, it doesn't look that bad, does it?

Yeah, that looks horrible.

But, Father Lance,

if the mission arose where they're like, I know it sounds weird, but you're literally going to have to go to hell.

Like, there's a baby down there.

Baby wandered in.

There's no way a baby can be in hell.

Of course, a baby can be in hell.

There's no way a baby can be in hell.

No.

What if it's like the Omen kid, like Damien, or Rosemary's baby?

Rosemary's baby.

She has baby in the name.

But that was actually the devil.

That was not a real baby.

Right.

Right, Father?

I'm asking the father.

I don't care what you have to say about that.

But he agrees with me.

You're saying that there's no baby.

I thought that if you didn't get baptized, you went to purgatory or some shit.

That's a pretty fucking harsh rule you guys got going on, man.

But that was not a

nurture.

No, no, no.

All right.

They updated those rules.

Believe me.

You don't think there's evil babies?

No.

Not a chance.

So you're taught evil.

It's always nurture, not nature.

Um.

Well, as you grow, you choose to commit evil acts.

So.

How can a baby commit an evil act?

No, yeah, that's what I'm saying.

I'm talking to Brian.

I know.

We ain't.

How could it?

Fame wavelength.

God.

I can't wait to see you in hell.

I can't wait.

All your fucking boot licking and shit will amount to nothing.

But I don't find no Father Lance.

We used to talk about the penguins.

But you never rooted for them.

Goodbye.

All right, so you're ready to play.

So to meet the first demon, you have to pass a Baron little quiz, a little mini quiz here.

So the Baron's actually making our jobs harder.

Yeah, so I'm going to give you one-word clues.

Do you ever watch Password?

Yes.

Okay, so I'm going to give you one word clues that,

and when you get it right, and then you'll you'll hear the very first demon will appear okay all right let me get the let me get the uh first demon up and running

because you may get it off the first word so you ready

pig

what are you trying to guess it's like it's like password yeah but what's

i can't tell you what you're trying to guess Like I give you a word

and then you I'm going to give the next word to you so you think about it.

Give me a guess, or you don't got one?

I got to go on.

What's the first word that pops in your head when I say fake?

See, that's how you play the game.

It's wrong.

So it's not how you play it.

But it's how you play it.

At least you say something.

You just say a word.

Wait, should I be thinking Halloween themes with these words?

No.

No.

You should just be thinking,

don't overthink it.

Okay.

If you didn't.

Okay, so now I'm getting a different word from him.

Yeah, but it's still the same thing.

It's still the same thing.

Pot.

Kettle.

So I guess I didn't get that right.

Pig, pot, beef.

Stew?

Um.

Barbecue.

I don't want to hear anybody like, I got it off pig.

Like, fuck you.

Who cares?

Barbecue, Fatherlands.

Pig, pot,

beef, barbecue.

I'm getting the feeling, get him right these.

Oh, wait, I know what it is.

All right, so here we go.

It's okay.

We got all the time in the world.

We're in hell.

Time is meaningless.

I'll pass it to Bryce.

We could be here for years.

It's okay.

Q.

Okay, so Lance, you don't know?

No.

Okay.

One more word.

I'm going to say it again.

Pot.

All right.

Just because you didn't get a word pot the last time.

Yeah, because there's no other words that fucking are going to make you guess it.

That's it.

I said all the words, and you should have gotten it by now between the three of you.

Pig, pot, beef,

and barbecue.

Surprise got it, so if you don't know it.

Now I'm wondering if I do have it.

You know, is it

no way you do?

No way.

Is it Texas Chainsaw Massacre?

Is it Motel Hell?

Oh, my God.

I guess not.

Oh, my God.

Is it Medea?

Is it Medea Halloween?

Get him, you know what it is?

He's like last night's dinner.

All right.

Did I say?

Okay.

Pig pot, barbecue, beef charcoal

cookout um

it's the uh

chicken

are you just gonna name every barnyard animal like what the fuck uh

I don't know shawl is well what's that thing you spin rotisserie rotisserie

Kenny Rogers

Holy

Roast there it is okay if we're ready to meet the first team and you've seen Hold on,

I want to go back.

I want to go back.

Pig?

Because his annoyance

is palpable.

He's so annoyed that you don't get it.

You got to understand where you're coming from.

Do you roast a pig?

You do a lot of things to a pig.

Okay, but the first thing I said was what, though?

Pig.

No, okay.

What was the second word I said?

Barbecue?

No, he said pot.

Pot.

Pot, pot roast.

Pot roast.

Pig roast, pot roast.

Pot roast.

But you don't think of pot roast.

You thought like in a pot.

That's why I said stew.

Yeah.

Well, I don't care what you think of.

It's like...

Well, you do, obviously.

My goal is to not be like...

I know you're not trying to hand me the answer, but your clues are.

Okay, we got it.

Roast.

You don't think that was appropriate or clues?

What words should I have said then to make it come quicker?

What makes me come quicker is...

You had me a pig.

Usually an insult of some sort really gets the...

You're doing it all wrong.

Yeah.

You're stupid.

Can you think of a better word I omitted from

the clues?

Well, I mean, if you had put comedy in there, then like if you had put like pig, yeah, and then comedy, yeah, maybe like comedy, roast.

All right, like, well, you know what?

The father doesn't have a soul right now.

The Baron doesn't have a soul right now, and you're in, you know, he's making do with the best he can.

He's doing everything.

He has a soul.

Does he have a brain?

All those words, that's a brain.

Those are brainless words.

Three people couldn't get it.

Barbecue?

Isn't a barbecue or roast?

No.

Barbecue roast?

Now you're just making shit.

Knowingly making shit up.

But it's okay.

It's roast.

We got it.

We got it.

Okay, the demon is ready to appear.

Are you ready?

Get him.

I hope it's loud enough.

Welcome to hell, Fatherlands.

I am the roaster of souls.

I see you brought two altar boys with you.

The alt left and the alt-right.

That's burning in here.

I'll let you guys decide who's who.

By the way, Johnson Averbron says hello.

Who, Averon?

Averbron?

That's right.

It's the roaster of souls, the first demon

in your way.

You must best.

Roast pussy.

What was that?

That's disturbing looking, man.

Whatever is behind us that you think is disturbing is definitely disturbing.

You're about to see it in a few minutes.

So, Father Lance, the roast demon is going to roast you.

Okay.

And

you have to perform an anti-roast.

Got it.

Okay, so you have to combat what he says.

He's going to give you three lines.

Nice roast?

Well,

it's up to the father how he sees fit to

vanquish or to defeat this demon.

And if it's not the right way, the Baron will chide you again.

Okay, so you've got the you have the idea here?

Got it.

So I'm going to play it.

So the

roast demon is about to roast you.

And then you add alternating.

So he says a line, you say.

This is almost like.

This is more involved than the fucking Zip Recruiter copy, man.

It's all, yeah.

It definitely.

I mean, because I'm trying to lay out the rules here.

You didn't even tell anybody where to go to watch the video.

Televisiondave.com.

I didn't know.

Now I know.

Okay, you ready?

Go.

Unbelievable.

All right.

I'm a vegan roast demon, and shit's about to get steaming.

Damn it.

Cleveland steamer on the show.

All right, Father Lance.

It says here you're really a deacon.

Does that mean you only wear the dress on Sundays?

Oh,

eat that wafer.

Eat that wafer.

Did he write this stuff himself?

Oh, of course.

I would never.

This guy does not need anybody to write for him.

Who's going to rewrite Ghostbusters?

Yeah.

So now he has delivered that line.

Now it's up to you to say something back to him to trump that.

All three of us are just falling.

This is only Father Lance's game.

You're not on the spot in front of your wife or anything.

Oh,

okay.

I told him about this.

So

I allowed him to have

some time to have his three lines.

So,

and as we heard in his Roast of Me, he's a vegan, and like every other vegan, he never misses a chance to tell everyone he's a vegan.

You got to say boom.

Boom!

All right, there you go.

Roast.

You want to say that again

that you felt like a little...

Felt like a new nervous?

So you've got to loosen up and say it as if you're at a reaction.

Right down his vegan hole.

You got to give this to him.

Give him some help, guys, to deliver that line.

Come on.

All right.

No,

I think he's got it.

I think he's got it.

All right.

Just put the word faggot in front of me.

No, don't do that.

Don't do that.

Don't do that, funnel.

You'll get excommunicated.

Chris, amazing, like every other vegan.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, good, good.

You didn't miss a chance to announce that you're a vegan, even when you're roasting meat.

Boom!

Yeah!

Oh!

Yeah!

Yes!

Now could you, now would, like, going head-to-head with a real possessed person, would you break out the roast method?

Yeah, which you have.

I don't know the demon-broove method.

Roast method.

Could that be a way to, like, exercise a real demon in someone's body?

To like, you know.

Has a demon ever been exercised by hurting his feelings?

All right, let's see what the roast demon has to say about that.

Do you chub up when you say the body of christ in your sermons because kiddem does

you want to hear that one again not really it wasn't very good i don't know if you guys heard it because you looked a little perplexed there no you heard it i heard it okay well one more time though go ahead

do you chub up when you say the body of christ in your sermons because kiddem does

when you say the body of christ yeah that was one

i don't know like i said It's all right.

Chris was on his own.

I don't know why he inserted get him in there, but...

Because that's what you do in a roast.

He takes side swipes and stuff.

He's on point.

So you could tell.

You stung him with that, with your first one.

He threw in a get him in there.

Like the demon is like reaching anywhere.

He's got his head spent.

He's really, you give him the rope a dope.

Go ahead.

You got him on the ropes, Father.

Well, Chris,

you know, we're a lot alike.

We both preach.

I preach from the pulpit on Sundays, and you preach endlessly on your Twitter account

how to be offended.

All right.

Boom.

Hey, all right.

A little more emphatic with the boom, maybe.

Boom.

Okay, you liked the way he delivered, I think.

Give it a second read.

Father Lance is better on the second read, I think.

Okay.

Relax.

I mean, you know, this is your first time, like you said, this is your first time in hell, first time meeting a real demon.

And I can't emphasize enough, St.

Faggot.

Don't say that.

So, Chris, you and I are a lot alike.

You know, we both preach.

I preach from the pulpit on Sunday, and you preach endlessly from your Twitter account on how to be offended.

Boom!

Yeah.

Oh, man.

Oh, that's like, I mean, it's basically like holding the crucifix up to Dracula, what you just did right there.

That's how

hurt he is.

It's like a Hammer Studios film.

Here you go.

All right.

This is Chris's last line.

So I told him he had to, this one had to be his best.

How many guys do you think the Romans nailed on Good Friday?

And how many think they crucified?

That was pretty good.

Again, you know what?

Rose pussy's coming at you with some.

He didn't really come at you personally.

You're not Italian, right?

No, not at all.

And the Romans were well-known homosexuals.

And Roman Catholic is probably the...

And you're not.

I'm Byzantine.

Yeah.

Do your research, Chris.

Well, no, maybe he's just so like he's been knocked back by your two deliveries.

Yeah.

So

you can know which end is on.

If you had a haymaker in there, you read this one and we'll see what happens.

Chris, I can't believe you're still here with the oppressive heat.

I thought a snowflake like you would have melted here a long time ago.

Boom.

Whoa.

That was a fucking KO record.

Through a snowflake.

And also, I noticed in the Hell's reading room, they were giving out copies of Constellation Park.

That's punishment.

That's punishment.

Boom.

Holy shit!

This father's got teeth!

Alright, let's see.

Were they sent there just so they would burn?

Hey, Chris, who's your daddy?

Father Lance.

Boom.

You scared?

Ready to hear what Chris has to say, Bri?

You got anything?

No, no.

I'm dying to hear how he reacts to this.

All right, Father Lance.

I guess you're free to move on.

But I still think you do it all for the free booze on Sundays.

Bry, here's a complimentary burning cross.

Go now.

Hey, Quinn, if you don't want to be damned to fire and brimstone, do yourself a favor.

Play your buddy Chris Ledondo in on one of these episodes of Impractical Jokers.

Just one.

You know?

Because that's just fucking evil.

Seven seasons and not one appearance.

That's fucking evil.

Alright.

I gotta go tell Adam West I'm a vegan over and over and over again.

I'm a roast demon, bitch.

Adam West is in hell?

Did you, um,

did you supply LaDondo with ketamine or did you bring his own?

He sounds so like out of it.

He's a demon.

He's a demon, dude.

He's in hell.

He's a demon, yeah.

Demons like danced around all the time and shit.

They're like so happy to be evil and in hell and shit.

But he just got rocked.

Yeah, he just.

It's true.

So what'd you think of that?

I mean, Q, what'd you think of that, the lip, that

roast battle?

That battle.

Also, he threw one out at you about like, you know, that you might, that it's evil, that you've kept him off in practical jokers for seven seasons.

Yeah, ratings say otherwise.

Every single other thing points to.

All right.

So you were.

It looks like the demon said you can move on, Father Lance.

The first demon met nice work for vanquished down

Now are you gonna boast about this to your buddies back on the team?

Oh, yeah, all right

cuz you should

I gotta get a new Casper.

Well man the sage's mattress got all wet and shit, so I gotta get me a new Casper

It's designed by humans for humans.

That's who else would it be designed by though?

Yeah, I know

I get like who else would design anything other than alien

maybe aliens?

They're like it's so futuristic.

It's so space-age.

Yeah, what don't you want it more?

Angels designed it for heavenly sleep.

Yeah.

Charge that.

Yeah, you should charge Casper for that.

Yeah, Casper, that's not free.

Mattresses are perfectly designed for humans, engineered to soothe and cradle your natural geometry.

Wow, they really try with this copy.

You spend one-third of your life sleeping, so you should be comfortable.

Support you in all the right places.

Sweet, quality, supportive memory, foams, design, developed, and assembled in the U.S.

That matters to some people, right?

If it's designed, developed, and assembled in the United States.

20,000 reviews, average of 4.8 stars.

Three mattress models, the original, the wave, the essential.

Affordable prices because they cut out the middleman.

And Nat, you must like that part, Q, the capitalist.

And

Casper.

The capitalist where they cut out the middleman.

Middleman's like, sorry, man.

You're unnecessary.

Doesn't matter who you cut out.

You're extraneous to this fucking equation.

We don't need you.

No hassle returns if you're not completely satisfied.

Okay, what they're going to do is they're going to send you a box.

Big old box with a mattress in it.

It's all folded up.

Hundred nights risk-free.

Sleep on a trial.

If a host owns a Casper mattress and is contracted to include personal experience, which I don't think we are.

The unboxing experience.

Let me tell you something, Casper.

How exciting could it be taking a mattress out of a box, right?

It's different though, because it comes out, you're like, how do they get it in there?

How do they get it in there?

That's the experience because

the box is so tight.

You're like, no human,

it had to be put in.

It had to be put in by a machine.

You're right, yeah.

No human being could get it in there.

Designed and developed by humans for humans, but not packed by humans.

I don't think a human being could could package a foam mattress into a box like that it has to be done by mechanical means maybe that's where the aliens come in get fifty dollars towards any mattress purchased by visiting casper.com slash TESD use the TESD promo code at checkout

that's

casper.com slash TESD if you want to get a toy box all right

So we get some.

Okay, we got some.

Okay, so we're ready for puzzle two.

Father Lance.

Can we get this out of my peripheral?

Are we gonna is he gonna to be his stomach?

It's like he's just there.

When Giddam comes on, I mean, if you could, you'll see pictures of him.

Fuck anyone who is like, Giddam shouldn't be on.

Oh, no.

Fuck anyone, man.

This guy really,

he is debasing himself right now.

Offer for Tellum Steve Dave, though.

Yeah, anybody who does, I mean, anybody who

says that Giddam doesn't, you know, put out for Tell him Steve Dave,

They can go to hell.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And Father Lance ain't coming to rescue you either.

No.

Reconstellation Park.

Stay there.

All right.

Let's keep coming.

So,

you ever play $100,000?

Blood, you ever watch the game $100,000 Pyramid, Father Lance?

Yes.

How familiar are you with game shows that went off the air for you this week?

So

this would be, you need to say things that blank, okay, things that blank, and I'm going to tell you the words.

I'm going to try to make you say from what I say

things that blank.

Okay, you ready?

Yeah.

Set

blisters.

Fire.

Things that burn.

Toast.

Things are burnt.

Champagne corks.

Things that pop.

There are no hidden pops!

He's about to knock the whole light over.

Oh my gosh.

Get in, get in, get in.

It's a floating pumpkin.

Oh, my God.

I don't know if that effect is going to work with him in the end over there.

Really?

Well, they're saying he has to get over.

He's alright there.

Is he okay?

What if he just stood behind us a little bit and bounced just to get the effect going?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

They're saying no.

Shut down no.

They're saying he's going to knock the green screen down.

They're saying we've never seen perpetual motion on a green screen before.

Shut the fuck down.

So, I mean, this took hours, right, Guinam, to get your makeup to look like this.

Well, let's be fair.

You sat in it for hours.

That was the first complaint I heard when I got here.

It's like, I've been in this shit since 3 o'clock.

He goes.

That's Hollywood, though.

And we didn't start until

Red Bank.

Like I told him, do you think Peter Mayhew was complaining to George Lucas when he was in the Chewbacca outfit?

No, because he had a check in his Chewbacca pocket.

It wasn't just...

Do you make money off Telham, Steve, Dave, when you and I have asked you to do things?

Have I not compensated you?

Yes, you've compensated me.

So

not for this particular one.

Not for this one.

We're giving this one away for free.

Given all this footage is going out on the website, there's no compensation.

But that's even more admirable.

That's a good thing.

Look at this outfit.

No.

We are still in hell.

I mean, does it look like, like, bob your head around, like, you know, and like make it look like

you're floating?

Are you skirred?

We gotta get, like, do they still do screensavers?

Is that still a thing?

We gotta get him, just give him a green screen with his head going around.

That'll be for the DVD when he hit pause.

Yeah, yeah, and just make that like a screensaver.

All right, so get him, you know what you have to tell Father Lance.

Go to it.

I am the Baron now.

Steps back, and the demon takes center stage.

So now there's a floating iPad

and a floating stylus.

Why do we use a stylus?

Because it doesn't work work through the fingers.

Yeah.

If I had fingers.

You got to tell the father what the favorite pastime in hell is?

You know what the favorite pastime in hell is, don't you?

What's that?

What's the favorites on earth?

Dyslexia.

In hell.

Yikes.

That's right.

Each one of you guys has to guess at least one

dyslexia clue.

But there is no time limit, and

we have so many examples that we can, like I said, we can be able to do that.

There are four categories.

Yeah, we have categories, Q.

But like I said, you can't lose it this game, though.

We've already lost it.

To play it is a loss, right?

All right.

So, Father Lance, you get to go first since you're the head of the team.

What are the categories?

We have things,

TV shows, songs and artists, and movies.

Which category would you like to choose, Father Lance?

In hell.

I'll go with movies.

Movies.

Okay.

Are they really in hell or no?

We mean.

Because he goes in hell.

Is it hell-related stuff?

No.

Okay.

No, not at all.

That's just...

That's just a demon.

Is that what he is?

Yeah, but that's.

Yeah, he's a...

That's a demon?

That doesn't look like a demon.

He's a pumpkin head.

How many demons have you seen?

A disembodied pumpkin head that talks?

Yeah, I mean,

scurry for sure.

No, I mean,

not a demon.

I mean, I'm sure there's unspeakable things are done to this jack-o'-lantern by the other demons.

Oh, yeah.

And by parents.

Oh, that's the.

Teachers go.

That's the jack-off-o-lantern?

Fill up a jack-o-lantern to all the demons?

The old jack-off-o-lantern.

Put the candle out.

All right, but so, but you know what?

While there is no time limit on how long it takes you to get each guest one correctly, You don't have all night.

So if like if he says one and you're sitting there waiting too long, I'll say time.

And you have to go on to the next one all right

okay you want movies you said right yes okay

ready yes okay

mr.

no water

mr.

no water is this back to the rules where it's reversed mrs doubt fire

right off the bone

that's what i was thinking too

that's what i was thinking too but i could not like reconcile no and doubt being opposites of each other.

If you know something, there is no doubt.

So we're not reversing it anymore.

Oh, so it's not no and yes.

It's no.

Doubt.

No with a silent K.

If you know something, there is no doubt, right?

He got it.

I mean, why are you even picking it apart?

He got it the first one.

That's why he's the leader of this team.

Okay.

Thankfully.

Yeah.

What were we doing?

Father Lance didn't guess the the one that I probably would have gotten?

A big talk, but you have to someone grant the data already.

Well, I'm trying to get it.

What category do you want, then?

What category do you want?

You can't take any movies.

I'll take TV shows.

Why can't I take movies?

There's only one?

No, there was more, but I don't want you to have movies.

You know, movies aren't.

I'm not a lot morons.

I know.

Look at these two.

Your fucking little bone is more excited about dyslexia.

I know.

Can't be more excited about it.

You're like,

so happy.

Hold on.

Actually, where are you going?

We're going with TV shows?

About 33.

Don't give me the fucking hardest.

You wanna talk shit in hell?

No, no, I'm wondering.

Yeah, no.

When words are fucking homonyms and shit, it makes the game even that much more difficult.

Okay, you're gonna get 33.

You're gonna get 33.

So.

That's

33.

This is the little inside language that we share that you guys don't know what we're talking about.

Like, you're getting a 33.

Nobody knows who you're talking about.

Father Lance does.

Shrinking pleasures.

Shrinking pleasures.

Growing pains.

Ooh.

How so?

What's up?

Oh, now he's...

Okay, now it's up to Q.

What Q, what?

What are the remaining categories?

Music or things?

Music of things.

I'll go for things.

Okay, good.

Good, good, good.

shrinking's not so pleasurable get him chop

the answer is

stiff javelin

stiff javelin

and it's a floppy disc

oh

what did you say floppy disc yes all right because the opposite of javelin is disc yeah

Disc is it's good to see you're thinking outside the box like way the fuck outside the box

So we got it I'm very yeah

how did that happen

We figured out your little game

Yeah, they think they figured it out until next time then they complain that you know what you know what now I've just upped it the baron can do that now you're gonna get two restaurants

making it more difficult to fucking help him escape

gratitudes even though you're here to help me I don't like your pompous arrogant posturing over that's what hell is all about boys you get an answer right and you're pompous that's that's what it equates to you're an arrogant here you gotta go again

for being a for being a whiny and arrogant.

What category?

Give him things again.

He's stuck on things.

Give him 38.

38.

Not 38.

Are you ready, Q?

For dyslexia in hell?

Bastard, caress.

Bastard, caress.

Well,

okay.

Oh, look at him.

The opposite of bastard could be anything.

Really?

I can only think of one.

Can we help him?

Legitimate?

No.

No, Father Lance.

He's on his own.

He must pay for his affront.

Bitch slap.

Get the fuck out of my face.

Alright?

Alright, you know what?

Again, no humility.

You gotta go again.

You'll learn your lesson now.

You change your demon.

You think these demons just pump once and they're done?

No.

It's endless and endless.

It's pump, pump, pump, and dump.

Yeah.

All right.

It's hell, so get them.

Father Lance, you have a choice, okay?

You either have to spend eternity in hell with your hand inside Gidem's pants,

or you could send a baby in your place.

Not with Giddam, but just to crawl around hell a little bit.

Which do you do?

I'll bite the bullet.

No babies in hell.

Eternity?

No babies in hell.

It might cheer the place up a little, baby.

Everybody likes a baby.

All right.

Are you ready?

Are you ready?

We went to the next level of clues.

You have to pay for what you pay for your

insolence.

So

you forced our hands.

You forced our hands to the ultimate option.

My pingy means until you get one wrong.

Ready?

This is next level.

This is things.

Yes, it's next level.

If you don't get it right, there is no shame.

Okay.

okay

old it's gonna wrong murky

what old murky

old murky

uh well the opposite of old could be young or new so who knows that

um it's one of the two yeah so who knows opposite of murky is clear so young clear or new clear nuclear

Wow, what an arrogant bastard you are.

I'm not gonna say anything.

I'm not going to say anything.

You know you want to.

I can tell by your face you want to, though.

Give him another one.

Smug motherfucker.

Since we got video on this, everybody could see too your face.

All right.

Switch categories.

Yeah, we're going to go to music.

Something you're terrible at.

Okay.

22.

22?

All right, 22.

Okay.

Thick heterosexual male three-pointer.

No, no, no.

Three-pointer was just, that's how much it was worth.

Oh, okay.

Wasn't that your high school nickname?

Okay, what is that without the

thick heterosexual male?

Musical clue, thick, heterosexual male.

Thick,

so

well, thin, gay, female would be the

most logical.

Yeah.

Because it's thick a thin.

It's the saying.

So we'll go thin.

Oh, I know what it is.

So thin heterosexual?

Male.

Thick, heterosexual.

I don't know.

Time!

Thin Lizzy.

It was thin Lizzy.

But Q still has to go.

He didn't get it right.

So wait, so now he has to go again until he gets it right?

One more, he has to get it right.

Alright.

Okay, dude.

I'm glad I showed nothing but humility.

What about eight?

Let's go to the movie.

What about eight?

Okay.

Yeah, movies Q.

Okay.

Alright.

Calm minimum.

Calm minimum.

That's it.

It is.

Calm minimum.

Someone's gonna say it though.

I like it.

This is music too?

No, this is a movie.

It's a movie.

Calm minimum.

Mad Max.

Well done.

And I like the way you said it and you didn't look over here to give me a face or a dirty look.

You just kept staring straight ahead.

Nothing resembling pride.

We can move on.

I feel defeated.

You won yet somehow.

It's so empty.

All right.

Spot of the Lance, you are free to move on to the next level.

Goodbye.

Are you staying here?

Don't wasting that makeup.

All right.

Next thing we do.

So, okay.

You've defeated the demon

roaster.

You've defeated the pumpkin, the floating pumpkin, the disembodied pumpkin.

Do you have like bones in your neck?

It looks like somebody's just moving like a fence post.

There's no,

there's no flexibility.

Oh, yeah, keep talking.

Do that thing.

Do that thing, get them, that people do.

Like, they move their head from side to side and shit.

Like that?

Yeah, you're moving your whole body, though.

Some people can do it just their head.

No, not me.

Can Can you do that?

You got that dance move in you?

You're too white.

You're all too white on you.

Can any of you girls do that dance?

That dance move with the neck?

No?

Hmm.

What about you guys?

You guys look like you're dancers.

Yeah, he's got it.

Get him.

Watch him.

He can do it.

See?

Okay, yeah, he can do it.

Can you do a whole popping and locking thing?

No.

How come I can't move that?

Can you break down?

What's it?

I'll tell you what I do have.

A dyslexia record that would put me in the hall of fame.

Yeah, you do.

And now that it's over,

you can brag.

Oh, you guys hear that?

Wait, listen.

Do you hear it?

Something's in the distance.

It's getting louder.

It's Q's car he's driving away.

Whoa, what?

What's that noise?

Oh, no.

I sell comics.

Just when you thought the pits of hell couldn't get any deeper.

That's right.

The two-headed demon iSell Comics is here.

Oh, no.

And let me get a fish.

It's not the only two-headed thing in the room.

That those guys are around?

Two packs.

This test, Father Lance, is you don't have to play a game.

You don't have to solve a riddle.

You just have to listen to an episode of ISO Comics.

Yes.

And imagine the whole thing.

That's what it is.

Is that what it is?

That's what it is.

It's an episode of iSelf Comics, and you just have to simply listen to it, Father Lance.

Does he have to picture those two going ass to ass or no?

Now, if you want to make comments,

tell me to pause it, and I'll pause it so you can, I'm sure you're going to have plenty of comments.

But this is it.

All you got to do, this is...

This is inception level of podcasting.

A podcast is in a podcast right now.

In hell.

In hell.

With a green screen.

You ready?

Yeah.

Okay, so all you got to do is just listen to this podcast

and you can move on.

Simple, right?

Would you rather listen to this or send a baby to hell?

I know my answer.

Oh, it's a no-brainer.

Go on.

This is more interesting than first podcasts.

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the special iStull Comics, or should I say, iHell Comics.

Podcasting from the pits of hell.

That's pretty good.

Mike, how's it feel to be in hell?

It's really very comfortable, man.

It's nice down here.

I gotta be honest.

I see a lot of.

So I'm assuming they're in bed together.

And it's rattling like it did.

It's rattling like it did in the Exorcist.

I mean, Father,

I feel bad for you.

I know you didn't sign up for this, but, you know.

Do you frown upon their lifestyle, Father Lance?

Mike and Ming?

No comments.

Okay.

Hate the sinner, right?

No, hate the sinner.

The ongoing sinner.

It's probably happening right now.

Right now, as you're watching it, it's going going on.

It's happening.

What's going on?

This is my third grade teacher over there.

He's alright.

Nice.

Very, very cool, Daniel.

I'm glad you're enjoying it, Mike.

Thank you.

Okay, Mike.

The theme of today's ISO comics is devil-related comic book characters.

I'm going to read you what I consider to be the all-time top five devil comic book characters.

Let's see if you agree or disagree.

You ready?

Let's go, man.

Okay, number five, son of Satan.

I mean,

what more can be said?

The son of Satan, the spawn of Satan, came from his loins.

Number five, I mean, that's that's not.

Wait a second.

So, what more can be said than me saying the same thing three times in slightly different words?

You just named the character with no discussion on it.

Definitely, yeah.

Like, you could tell me to stop whenever you have a comment, bro.

Don't hold it in.

Right, yeah, I just, it'll get me sick.

It'll be like, it's going to be like ironical bowels and

he can't, he can't damn them, but you can.

Right.

Oh, I definitely.

I would become a priest just to damn them, I think.

Whatever it is you have to do, that's what I would do.

Can you exercise whatever unfunny spirit is in these two cockfuckers

and maybe instill some level of humor?

It's insane, right?

Can you introduce the spirit to them?

Oh, you better watch it.

You gotta work with the man every day.

If I were here, Jack will keep that mouth closed.

Yeah, until Mike's here.

I'm gonna open it again.

Or unless anything fried is in the vicinity.

Is that a fried hot dog?

You ready to continue?

Okay, so.

It's good so far.

Pay attention, Father Lance.

Actually, Damian Hellstrom, one of my.

He would have been my, probably a little bit higher on this list, but Damian Hellstrom, son of Satan, he appeared in Ghost.

Wait a second.

So there are almost 300 episodes in the Iceell Comics, and Ming doesn't know his name, the son of Satan's name.

Like, Mike has to actually name the guy.

What?

Doesn't Ming own a comic book?

Ming is a part owner of a comic book store.

How did this guy get his bona fides?

I don't know.

He's more into the coffee.

He's more into the coffee and champagne aspect.

Because isn't that what people come to a comic book store?

What do you mean, champagne?

I think there's a bar, too.

They have an alcohol license, yeah.

Oh, that's pretty cool.

Like with me and Mike, it's always New Year's Eve.

Continue.

I guess.

It's about 15 minutes long.

Shut the fuck up.

Trider number one.

Very cool character.

So.

Very good pic, man.

Very nice.

You gotta agree with that pic.

You know what?

Hot stuff.

It got...

Oh, fucked up.

We gotta start over again.

No!

Hold up.

Put it down.

This is a good song, though.

And this is probably an accurate representation.

Hello everyone and welcome to the special ISTO Comics, or should I say, I Hell Comics, broadcasting from the pits of hell.

Mike, how's it feel to be in hell?

It's really very comfortable, man.

It's nice down here.

I gotta be honest.

I see a lot of

people I know.

I had to start it over and there was something important that was missed.

This gotta come down like nobody's business.

My third grade teacher over there.

He's alright.

Nice.

Very, very cool down here.

I'm glad you're enjoying it, Mike.

Thank you.

Okay, Mike.

The theme of today's ISEL comics is devil-related comic book characters.

I'm going to read you what I consider to be the all-time top five devil comic book characters.

Let's see if you agree or disagree.

You ready?

Let's go, man.

Okay, number five.

Son of Satan.

I mean,

what more can be said?

The son of Satan, the spawn of Satan, came from his loins.

Number five.

I mean, that's an obvious pick, isn't it?

Actually, Damian Hellstrom, one of my...

He would have been my...

Probably a little bit higher on this list, but Damien Hellstrom, son of Satan, he appeared in Coast Rider number one.

What are they called?

Very cool characters.

Join No Stranger.

No.

But who's the son of Satan?

Satan.

Son of Satan.

Okay, I got it.

Remember that guy?

Remember?

Yeah, I just thought that I wasn't clear on the name.

He's like a good guy, though, right?

Right.

Yeah.

Oh, you know the character.

Familiar with him?

Werewolf by night, Tim Modracula, I read all that.

Oh, awesome.

Your kid's name is Damien, isn't it?

No.

I thought you said it was Damien.

Who's Damian?

Who are you on the phone with Damien before?

Really?

Oh, Damian Wolf.

Oh, the Scoutmaster, yes.

Scoutmaster?

Oh, my God.

A scout and a priest, a scoutmaster and a priest walk into a bar.

Ready?

Even made it into the new Avengers.

So, very good pick, man.

Very nice.

Okay, number four.

Hot stuff.

The little devil.

A demon in a diaper.

Come on, Mike.

You gotta agree with that pick.

You know what?

Hot stuff.

It got kids back in the 1950s inadvertently worshiping the devil.

So I think that that's a great pick, man.

Isn't like, I mean, a lot of times people die when they're old, right?

So you would assume a lot of those demons are wearing diapers.

Yeah, but the hot stuff was a baby, though.

Oh, so there are babies in hell, then.

You guys misled us.

Well, it's hot stuff.

Oh, that's not really a baby, right?

No, he was more like a

damn.

And plus, he wouldn't have to wear a diaper.

They want that stuff falling out all over the place in hell.

They didn't want to keep it in the diaper.

They wanted to fall all over the damned.

So it's only when they come to an earthly plane that they're like, yeah, we better diaper up because

it doesn't fly like it does down in hell.

At number three, Daredevil.

I know it's technically not a character related to the real devil, but the costume, the name, it just made it so I had to include him on this list.

You know what?

I'm going to give you this one because I mean Daredevil, he is the Devil of Hell's Kitchen.

I love Daredevil.

I love Matt Burdock.

Great character.

I love you, Ming.

Christmas, Ming.

Christmas, goddammit.

We've got like two minutes without making out.

You know what I'm concerned about?

Mike's comfortable in hell.

That means all that exposure to Ming has conditioned him.

Because Ming, if...

Is living in hell, right?

Yeah.

Well, also, like, without a conscience.

Or like,

like, he's not, yeah, he's soulless.

He's not a real human.

So it fits right in.

But Mike, yeah, Mike liking it

shows that he's been acclimated.

Continue.

We gotta get into the chat.

Yeah, I mean, it's fucking awesome so far.

So far, Ming has named three characters, and Mike has agreed.

And Ming has named the same character in different ways three times each time.

And one character is a very nice thing.

Flying superhero.

Not a whole lot of them.

There are some lying superheroes, but not a whole hell of a lot of, you know, handicapped superheroes.

And number two, we're going to go with Spa.

Hal Simmons went to hell, came back, caused a lot of controversy when it came out.

Parents were up in arms.

Todd McFernold said, you know what?

I don't care.

Guys from hell.

Hellish, hellish imagery.

You know.

Hey, you know who we are?

Hell.

You don't want to put your pants back on?

Go to hell, Mike.

Yeah, I mean, what is wrong with these guys?

They've been doing this shit for years.

Years.

He's so concerned with the presentation, like, hell, hellish, hellbound, hell spawn.

Number two, Mike.

What do you think?

You can argue that spawn is the

backbone of Image Comics back in the 90s.

Very hellish character.

Come on.

He came back from hell for love.

That's, I mean, that's hell.

There was a small question in my mind as to why ISL Comics wasn't signing at the Blue Juice booth.

That question has been answered.

No, you don't like that one.

You don't like that one Baron?

The Baron doesn't judge.

Only on dyslexia.

I mean that's pretty metal, right?

You can't get any more.

You can't get more than that's mad.

Satanic than that.

There's no discussion.

You just agree with each other.

There's just, it's, he's named something and then these words say it.

And Mike being like, I agree.

And then Mike gives a brief bio, and then they agree, and then they just move on to the next one.

I'm going to give you this one.

Q.

I don't understand.

And at the top of the all-time devil-related characters list, Hellboy.

Red right hand, cut off the horns, straight from hell.

Hello, it's just describing things that everyone can see.

What the fuck?

Let me tell you about this comic I see over there.

Get him?

Watch it.

Hellboy.

Had a movie.

Wears a brown coat.

Hellboy.

World War II Hellboy.

Hellish.

Husspawn.

Red Hand of Doom, brother.

Come on.

And the name, I mean, it says hell right in the title.

How can you argue with that?

Hellboy is

a visual character.

First appeared in John Burns'

Next Men, number 21.

Very cool.

Mike Magnola.

How does Mike take an already fucking unbelievably boring moment and fucking drop it next level like a boss and make it fucking completely unlistenable?

Like, how does he do it?

It's a certain talent.

I assume they're playing it up for this route.

One would assume so, but they're not.

They were told to do whatever they wanted to do.

Yeah, but they knew they were torturing us.

But they know that every week when they put out their podcast.

I'm just trying to help them out.

This is the two-headed demon.

Also, I forgot to mention this is the two-headed demon I mentioned earlier, Mike and Ming.

Yeah.

Nobody draws

a character and the shading and the shadows.

If they're not fucking around,

if they're not fucking around, I swear to God I'm calling Kevin.

I'm going to be like, look, man, they're embarrassing all of us by entertaining the nonsense that these two douchebags put out on a weekly basis.

It's not right for anyone.

Like, don't indulge that.

Stop.

All right.

Father, I think you should muzzle your

right-hand man here.

Even hell can only withstand so much.

Who else had a right-hand hellboy?

Yeah, well, these are just going to have to cut it out, so I'm not going to bother saying that.

Hellboy.

Beautiful.

And Rasputin.

Don't forget, Rasputin is like one of Hellboy's.

Oh, thank you.

I almost forgot that.

Whatever he's about to say.

You know, don't forget about Rasputin.

Oh, well,

how could I?

Let's talk at length about

like a tertiary character in the fucking Hellboys here.

What the fuck?

This is worse than dyslexia.

We're already setting deeper in hell.

It's not going to get easy.

Nobody said it'd be easy.

Like, I thought when you went underground, like, deep enough, that's where hell was.

But it turns out, no, you keep going.

You come out on the other side in China where Ming is.

And that's truly hell.

Kim, stop laughing, you're a payment.

It's worth it.

Midwives, one of the people that helped birth them?

That's pretty badass.

I didn't forget Rasputin.

James,

you didn't mention Rasputin.

Come on, idiot man.

I remembered Rasputin.

Can you cut that out?

Everyone's gonna think I didn't remember Rasputin.

I was just about to say his name five times.

Russian guy, long beard, Rasputin.

The worst part is he's the one who edits the episode so he can technically edit that stuff in.

Yeah.

What?

He heard you saying

they heard.

They can hear everything.

This is live.

They're in the next room.

Oh, the bathroom?

That I do believe.

Huge face.

But I said they were in the next room doing it live.

Your face, you were a little, the body was a little scared for a second.

I was scared.

All right, everybody.

And that wraps up this special episode of ISO Comics.

IHEL Comics.

I hell comics.

Thank you very much.

And Mike?

There you go.

Hope you're paying attention, Father Lance.

Is it possible?

Is it possible for your mind not to wander the second you hear either of those voices?

Where you're just like, you're in a better place.

You know?

You leave your body.

You disassociate, right?

You gotta.

You gotta.

All right, Father Lance.

Were you paying attention?

I was.

Because you have to answer two questions about the podcast you just listened to.

Resputant.

The first question is...

Hell, hell, hellish.

The first question is...

Why?

All right.

Mike gave you the answers to these questions.

If you are paying attention, this is easy.

Name the issue title, the issue number, and title of the first appearance of Son of Satan.

Mike told you in the podcast.

That's why I let you listen to it twice.

Ghost Rider number one.

You're halfway there, Father Lance.

Did you know that already?

We're way back there, back in the

right guy for this job.

Isn't he?

I mean,

I mean, the Baron wouldn't want some rookie coming down.

No.

Wow.

That's why I called him in.

I was going to just have you guys do it, but I knew you wouldn't get those answers.

No, definitely not.

Even after he just said it.

You know what?

Especially Especially because he just said it.

All right.

But let's not get cocky because you still got to answer one more.

Yeah, don't fall into the same trap Q fell into.

Stare ahead, holding Lance.

Don't say anything.

Put on the Jason mask.

The title and number of issue of Hellboy's first appearance.

Mike told you it.

Next Men 21.

Whoa.

Resputum.

Whoa.

Nice work.

I mean,

were you really listening?

I also am a warrior.

Okay.

Okay.

What's the artist who did that, though?

It was actually...

I was going to let you go, but it's actually some name, name.

Sean Burns, next man.

Very good.

Very good.

And you know what?

And there's no level of arrogance in it.

It's just a one-story.

You don't see the like.

He's a fucking priest.

I'm a douchebag.

Of course.

I'm a douchebag.

Yeah, it's my actual job description.

Not when you're in hell.

You eyes down.

Learn some humility there.

Yeah.

We go right back to dyslexia.

We got plenty of clues, Clue, if you want to get closer.

No, I agree with you.

I agree with you.

I'm shit.

I'm nothing.

I belong here.

All right.

Congrats, Father.

You are moving on to the last demon.

Or is it a demon?

Hold on.

What's going on?

We hear that noise?

Where's my phone?

Oh, there it is.

The last demon.

I don't know if it is a demon, Father.

Lance, let's listen to what's about coming down the.

Okay.

Wait a second.

Yep.

Is that it?

My eyes are going.

It says intro.

We have glasses right here.

Yeah, now what the mouth is going.

Hark, what's that noise?

Who?

Who?

I forgot I have a little intro here for him.

He's that important.

Listen, the whales have ceased.

The air is free from the pungent odor of feces.

Who could this being be with wings that flutter and carry perfection?

Who can it be?

Who?

Who?

In hell.

Well, it ain't you be dog.

That's right, it's me, Sunday Jeff.

Okay, Father Lance, your final task to reach the barren soul is to solve a riddle.

But to hear the riddle, you got to play a little mini version of what would Sunday Jeff do?

That's right.

You remember this game, Father Lance?

What would Sunday Jeff do?

So you must get two out of three questions correct of this fan-favorite game.

What would Sunday Jeff do?

And obviously, an angel resides in hell, right?

If Sunday Jeff's down here?

Yes.

No, a Christ killer resides in hell.

As he should, right?

This is what you're saying?

Okay, can you find?

Oh, you were, you're, yeah, can you find uh, okay, you got it already?

All right, all right.

So, the premise of the game is: I gave Sunday Jeff a question,

he gave me an answer, but there's three answers, only one is correct.

Okay, all right.

Now, hopefully, one is not about whether or not there was a mini golf course by the church.

I asked Jeff,

What kind of tree would you be?

Here are some of the possible answers.

You could go, you can confer with your altar boys.

Okay a palm tree because he likes to jerk off right

an apple tree It's all it's the all-American tree Washington cut one down, but I believe

an apple tree.

It's the all-American tree Washington cut one down, but I believe it but believe it or not.

I'm not a fan of the taste

of apple trees.

So he of apples, I think he was saying.

George Washington cut down a cherry tree, not an apple tree.

Did Sunday?

Here, you're good.

You're the best.

I wish you lived in Jersey, man.

I really do.

Yeah,

he doesn't invoke Johnny Apples.

He's the obvious fucking go-to.

The pussy willow tree.

I actually like the smell of pussy willow.

I have a candle.

Ghost pussy willow.

He has a pussy willow candle?

All right.

Or oak.

Oak's got the hardwood.

I like hardwood.

Wait, this is Sunday Jeff, not Mike and Megan.

Alright, so here is your...

Want me to read that back again?

I asked Sunday Jeff,

what kind of tree would you be?

Apple tree.

It's the all-American tree.

Washington cut one down, but believe it or not, I'm not a fan of the taste.

Pussy willow tree.

I actually like the smell of pussy willow.

I have a candle.

Oak.

Oak's got the hardwood.

I like hardwood.

Now you can confer with your altar boys here.

They know Sunday Jeff a bit better.

Sunday Jeff isn't liking hardwood.

He isn't going to

himself.

No, he is the type of guy that would mix up cherry and apple, though.

And I don't.

Right.

And I don't see him having a pussy willow candle.

No, they don't exist.

How do you know?

I'm not liking

candle.

So you want to play dyslexia?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

With that tone of voice?

I mean, am I allowed to say anything?

You want me to say that?

Not with that tone of voice.

Holy shit, man.

Did you expect him to leave you with a Yankee candle recently?

Yeah.

When was the last time you walked the Yankee candle?

I buy candles all the time.

And

you don't think there's a Pussy Willow candle?

I don't think there's a Pussy Willow candle.

You know what the problem is?

I'm going to tell you.

I think

the mess up with George Washington gives it away.

That is Sunday Jeff.

Oh, hold on now.

Brian's got to

refer.

I'm going to look up Pussy Willow Tree.

Or a Pussy Willow Candle.

Oh, it's in a tree.

It's cheating.

Is that cheating?

Yeah, you're using a little bit of a little bit of a little bit

of a little bit of a little bit of a little

bit of a handle.

It is in a tree?

No.

Do you see Sunday Jeff going out buying Sunday candles?

No.

No.

I don't see him buying candles.

Unless they're like Hanukkah candles.

A weeping willow is a tree.

But a pussy willow is not a tree.

Pussy willow is like a

bush or something.

It's a tall stalk with like a puff at the end.

With those things on the end.

No, you're thinking of a cattail.

But a pussy willow is a tree.

It has a little button.

Yeah, it's like these little grey buttons.

All right, all right.

Pussy willows.

Stand island pussy willows.

It's something different, I guess.

Stand island pussy willow.

Father Lance, you've conferred with your altar boys, but you must give

your final answer.

Yeah, I think the apple cherry thing is classic, so that's how I feel.

Number one.

Number one, you're going to say, when I asked Sunday Jeff, what kind of tree would you be?

Apple tree.

It's the all-American tree.

Washington cut one down.

But believe it or not, I'm not a fan of the taste.

That sounds like

exactly what he would say.

Should I reveal it now or should we do all of them at once?

I think you should.

Reveal it now?

Yeah.

Okay, hit it.

I'd like to be an oak tree.

Oak's got the hardwood.

I like the hardwood.

But that makes him sound kind of gay, right?

Yeah, but he's not.

I know.

So mainly, he doesn't care if that he's like, he says he likes hardwood.

Doesn't mean he's going dirty.

Just means liking his furniture.

He likes like...

Oh, yeah.

He's like, I like a nice Brazilian hardwood.

Bullshit.

He's talking about cocks.

No, he's not.

Which is really strange, I think.

Not even like, I like having hardwood.

It's like, I like hardware.

Five oh angry.

You got to let that one go because you got to get the next two right right to move on.

Uh-oh.

So you can't mess this one up anymore.

All right.

I asked Sunday, Jeff,

what would you do if I told you that you, me, everyone you've ever known are robots?

Robots that are hooked into an artificial intelligence and that this life isn't real but a simulated program?

He's like, so the Matrix?

Are you saying we're in the Matrix?

Also, what's a robot?

Oh, the Saturn Island guy.

Robot.

I love the way I pronounce things.

That's bad, that's a good thing.

Comedy on the Mid-Atlantic.

What's a robot?

You know what?

Before we get into that,

let's go back to a little dyslexia before we go into that.

The Mid-Atlantic accent is one of the most popular accents.

Here's a movie one for you: Mr.

No Water.

Mr.

No Water.

No, that was the first one.

Father Lance got it.

Oh, okay.

He's got fire.

All right, Satisfied Works.

Satisfied Works.

Satisfied works.

Oh, I don't know this one.

All right, I just want you to admit it.

Hunger games.

All right, let's go back to

the question.

Let's move on quickly.

All right,

so let's move on then.

Let's move on.

I just like the way that you.

Did you see the way his eye?

He didn't even look up at me.

Right, you broke him.

It was like a puppy.

You cowed him, yeah.

Your nails broke him.

He knows what he did wrong.

He left that stain.

Yeah.

Look at your nose.

Rubbed your brows.

Rubbed it right in the carpet.

Yeah.

All right.

So Sunday, Jeff's answer to, I asked him, what if I told you that we were all robots?

You, I,

everyone you know.

I don't know if the opposite of works is game either.

Work.

Works.

Yeah.

You haven't learned your lesson, man.

He's like fucking Judd Nelson at Breakfast Club.

If I don't get it right, we just just move on.

It doesn't matter anymore.

All right.

You can't do anything to me that hasn't already been done.

All right, son.

Father, Lance.

I'm like fucking Steve McQueen.

I'm like, mummy in the cooler.

I don't care.

Here's what.

Here's the possible.

One of these is the real answer.

I would say it all makes sense now.

Now I realize why everyone is so beep.

I don't want to curse in front of you.

So beeped up.

They were put together wrong.

That's a possible answer one.

Possible answer two.

I'd say it doesn't matter.

I'd say, does it make a difference?

We act like robots, and it's been a problem for a long time.

Whoa.

Number three.

Am I human or a robot?

I don't know.

I'd make a good toaster.

Let me read those again for you.

I would say it all makes sense now.

Now I realize why everyone is so beeped up.

They were put together wrong.

Number two,

I'd say, does it make a difference?

We act like robots and it's been a problem for a long time.

Or, am I human or a robot?

I don't know.

I'd make a good toaster.

Jesus.

I can see him saying, hey, there's three things.

No, I think two.

Which was, we act like robots, it's been a problem for a long time.

Because if he's in a cranky mood, he can sound like that.

If he's camudgently.

Are we thinking about it wrong?

Like, do you think when Walt asked him these questions, he was like, just

shooting out.

That also depends on how long they've been around each other because at that point they could be angry at each other and yelling.

So is he shooting at?

Like, the short answers.

So, yeah, I like hardwood.

I'm a toaster.

I don't know.

You know, I don't know.

I'd defer to you two.

I think two, but it could be anything.

Bro.

Yeah, I would go with two as well.

But yeah, I could see him saying the toaster thing.

Two.

It's up to you, follow it.

We'll go with two.

You shouldn't go with two.

Two with three.

Three.

Two or one.

One.

Let's do it.

I'm a one once.

I would say it all makes sense now.

Now I realize why everybody's so fucked up.

They were put together wrong.

Correct.

Very correct.

Nice work.

Nice work, Father Legs.

Woo!

Much like George Washington cutting down that apple tree.

You don't tell any lies.

You know, that's a, okay, it's a little bit like wrestling, but, you know, so what?

We had to.

Because of Ghiddam's outfit.

Are you going to get this one right, too?

Okay.

I asked, there's a last question, too.

If you could have one top secret file revealed in full to you by the government, which file would you choose?

So he's going to like he's going to get all the redacted files on one thing.

Which file would Sunday Jeff most like to read

What did he say?

I'd choose the Roswell incident.

I'd choose the Roswell incident to see if it really did happen and if there really are aliens in Area 51 Or did he say I'd choose the Kennedy file.

I just don't think Oswald could make that shot or three

I'd want to see the file about this last election if Russia did it.

We got to do something.

Stop with all this pussy shit.

Sorry, Father.

And lay it all out.

Hmm.

Difficult.

You don't know what's in the mind of a guy who thinks that

Jesus hasn't come already, right?

I mean, what do you say about a guy like that?

Go on, say it.

I don't know.

He cursed in the last one.

I don't think, I now think that Walt wouldn't have written pussy to say in front you

on his own.

I think something Jeff would have had to be.

He swore in the correct one last time.

That's what I'm saying.

That's what makes it the correct one because Walt would write a fake one with

vulgarity in it.

It's also current.

Yeah.

So I

see him being mad about that.

Yeah.

Anything with vulgarity is not Walt Flanagan.

It's the

so it's the Kennedy thing, the Roswell thing.

The Roswell thing is definitely you.

So it's either Kennedy or Russia.

All right, Father Lance.

What are you going to say?

It's got to be three.

No way is Walt cursing.

No, no, no, no, no.

Okay.

Put that stylus down.

So we'll say in three.

I wouldn't if I were you.

Is it Kennedy?

I wouldn't take any of your Alter Boyce advice.

Uh-oh.

This is Roswell.

Roswell.

Let's hear it.

That's what he said.

I know I jumped on myself.

That was so sad.

I would choose the Roswell incident to see if it really did happen and if there really are aliens in Area 51.

He's not predicting.

No other reasons?

No.

I was giving him a hard time.

I was like, come on, you got to give me more than that.

He was annoyed at that point.

He didn't yell, though.

Okay.

All right.

All right.

So you did get two out of three, right?

Let's see now.

Sure he does.

Okay, that would be this one, right?

No,

Number four.

No, yeah, because it is.

He's going to tell them the riddle he has all.

This is where the yelling comes in.

Okay, you ready?

Let's hear what the angel Jeff has to say.

Congratulations.

You're moving on.

Okay, get this riddle right and you move on to the final challenge.

You ready?

You must solve the riddle of the mini golf course that never was.

Nah, I'm just fucking with you.

Here's the real riddle.

I am greater than God and more evil than the devil.

The poor have me and the rich need me.

If you eat me, you will die.

What am I?

Play that one more time?

I'll read it to you again just so we have to play again.

Okay, here's the real riddle.

Here's the riddle: I am greater than God and more evil than the devil.

The poor have me and the rich need me.

If you eat me, you will die.

What am I?

You can help them, guys.

If we could, that would help them.

Poor have me.

The rich need me.

So it rules out bed bugs, because nobody needs bed bugs.

I am greater than God, and more evil than the devil.

The poor have me, and the rich need me.

If you eat me, you will die.

What am I?

You're rich, Q, what do you need?

I know the answer.

You're poor.

The answer is

nothing.

Or have nothing.

The rich need nothing.

Nice work, Q.

Oh,

don't don't get arrogant and talky if you haven't even heard the answer yet.

Look at the look on his face.

He's so

nothing.

There's still 50 more dyslexes.

And a lot more film.

Father Lance, I need a final answer.

Are you going to go with Q's?

I will go with Q's.

Nothing.

Let us hear from Sunday, Jeff.

That's right.

The answer is nothing.

Nothing is greater than God.

Nothing is more evil than the devil.

The poor have nothing.

The rich need nothing.

And if you eat nothing, you'll die.

Congrats, Padre.

You've bested all of hell.

But in hell, there's always a twist, as the Baron is about to explain.

That's right.

I knew it.

There is a twist.

What did you guys use for the effects of that fluttering?

That was Declan.

That was...

Yeah.

Declan did a great job.

It's him falling down the stairs.

Oh, no.

No one loves me.

I won't be found for weeks.

All right.

There is a twist.

But before I reveal the twist, now is the time for any listeners who have the Prussian Kissing Devil skulls to hold them up to your phone or computer.

Okay, hurry up.

And if you don't, it's time for you to order them quickly.

If you haven't ordered one, quickly order one at tell them.

And then pause the episode.

Tell themsteedave.merchtable.com.

We are sitting on a ton of skulls.

We need to push this.

We got to move them.

This whole episode may sound like a commercial for skulls.

Because it is.

Because it is.

Yeah,

we're sitting on a hefty, hefty supply of skulls.

So if you haven't ordered one, go order one right now because I'm about to reveal the big giveaway.

So

get that roll.

First off, I gotta be honest with you, Father Lance.

I haven't been exactly truthful.

The Baron's soul was never imprisoned in hell.

Oh, this is a hell of a twist.

Oh, you stupid.

I gotta do it, though, right?

I'm never gonna believe anything the Baron says again.

That was a lie, but what wasn't a lie was that every time the Baron tells a fact, his soul comes one step closer to being trapped in hell.

That was true.

But the Baron came up with a plan.

See, the Baron doesn't have to ever worry again about losing his soul after revealing one of his facts.

Because when I play this next clip,

it's going to trigger those mini skulls, these.

And anyone who brought one is going to lose their soul to the Baron.

And all those mini skulls are going to act like conduits.

And the best thing about it is they paid for the privilege for me to have their soul.

25 bucks.

Let's play the clip, and once you hear it, you'll understand what's about to happen.

How can I forget?

It's time.

It's time.

Time for the big giveaway.

Oh, you lucky kids with pushing kissing skulls.

Hold them up high.

Listen.

Listen.

Listen.

We're going to get married here.

Is it stuck?

And all the souls.

We sold a couple, but not enough.

But even if they ordered it,

their soul is down.

Wow.

So there it is.

Hopefully you're...

What's the giveaway?

Oh, the giveaway was they gave their souls to me.

That was the big giveaway.

I see.

I see.

I tricked them.

The twist.

Total trick.

I know I tricked the buying one before this.

There's no returns.

I own all the souls.

And Father, you didn't buy a skull, did you?

You do?

Oh, no.

You know what?

You don't have to clutch it?

There's only one way to get that soul back.

Dyslexia.

You bought a skull?

I didn't think you would buy a skull.

I didn't think there was any way in heck you would buy a skull.

Yeah,

I bought the t-shirt skull combo, man.

I got to support my skin.

Who's wearing the shirt?

I know you're wearing a shirt, but you could buy the shirt without the skull.

I thought for sure you wouldn't buy it.

You know what?

I'll work something out with you.

I'm going to give your soul back to you, but nobody else.

Why would he not get it?

Nobody else gets it.

He's like, what about the money?

So I'm good.

I got a shitload of souls now.

Two seconds ago, he wouldn't say hell.

So now I can say as many facts as I want, whatever I want.

A cloud weighs a million pounds.

Butterflies drink blood.

You know, everything.

You're fast and loose with them right now.

You don't even care.

Yeah, because, I mean, everybody who bought a skull, you're soulless.

Wow.

Yeah, so what do you care that you heard these facts already?

Get him.

Did you buy a skull?

I was given one.

I wouldn't want his soul anyway.

No, right.

How twisted and grotesque it must be.

What did we sell him that sacked his dignity?

What's up?

What did we sell him that stole his dignity?

Just a chance to be on tone, Steve Dave.

Yeah, a chance.

Well, that's it.

Wow.

I can't thank you enough for coming down.

But we have the extra.

Oh, you got information.

Yeah, he did.

He did.

Doesn't get him look like the before photo of Andy Serkis.

So.

We're selling when we need him.

Q, are you ready?

I'm ready.

For this research.

Scholarly.

This is insane.

Research.

Because we didn't do any research after that first email we got.

So I'm glad to just believe ourselves.

So after a lot of searching, I finally found

a scholar who actually knew something about

the Tibetan skulls.

Okay.

So this is Berthold Lauffer, who was the curator of anthropology at the Field Museum of Natural History in Chicago from 1923.

This his work is from.

Oh wow.

So he's not around anymore.

No, no.

Okay.

Gone, gone.

He wouldn't be if he gave $5 to the skull.

So if you remember,

last time I was on, we were talking about it, and I said, well, this looks different than most of the ones you see out there.

Well, there's a reason for that

and why it's different.

Because most of the ones, you know, how the top comes off, you can drink wine out of the top of the skull because you're trying to imbue the spirit of the

person.

Right.

You better not be debunking this shit.

That's like pissing all over the party, man.

This is a Halloween party, son.

No, this is pretty, this is cool.

All right.

This is cooler.

So, when the skull.

He has to debunk.

Debunk.

When the skull.

He's a real exorcist.

He can't.

You can't put his name on the line.

He's lied twice about games and shit.

Well, that's true.

You know what?

You know what?

Sometimes you do whatever you can when you're trying to get out of hell, right?

You even lie.

Right.

Do you confess?

You can lie to the devil.

Do you go to confession?

Oh, yeah.

So you confess stuff to a person you know, or like a random, like no, fucking fruit flies in October.

Jesus.

No one you know?

It's hell, man.

What do you think?

Flies are everywhere until they're out.

You're laying eggs

in your bottom.

I know.

How did they get in there?

Like, oh,

another egg.

I'm sure.

Hopefully, right now, there's a million flies behind us

spraying out.

All right, where are we?

So part of this is fact, and part of it is my conjecture.

Okay.

Okay.

So

the skulls like this, the top doesn't come off.

Okay.

A special class of...

He writes,

the skulls that weren't removable were the skulls of killed enemies.

And they were...

We're about to put you on Iceland Comics, Father.

Come on, man.

Shout to the chase.

So the wreath of skulls surrounded by

the wreath of skulls, this is the thunderbolt sound.

That's what they put on.

And they were set out as a warner.

That's beautiful.

Okay.

Okay.

But according to the legend, he was killed.

He was an enemy that was killed, right?

So in 1887, Catholic missionaries were killed by the Lamists.

in Tibet that rose up against them.

And so

my feeling, and then, of course, so, and how did it get to America?

So I think what you have is the skull of a martyred Catholic missionary.

Hitler sent Hitler!

Hitler and something new every day.

Whoa.

Hitler sent an expedition to Tibet in 1938, not specifically to

get this particular skull, but they looted the crap out of Tibet.

They stole numerous items.

This is Hitler's skull?

No, no.

I'm saying I believe it to be the skull of a Catholic missionary that was killed.

I see.

This is a skull that eluded Hitler, though.

And

I believe Nazis brought it back with that expedition.

They looted a bunch of Tibetan artifacts.

Yeah.

And then an American GI

brings it back to America.

In Pennsylvania.

And that's how it ends up.

Much more plausible, right?

Homital music.

It is, I mean, less exciting than that.

With that greed, are you crazy?

But the guy, the guy was a Catholic missionary killed.

Wait, is the

faith?

Was the missionary evil?

Like, maybe he was killing Tibetan kids or something.

He was like a double agent.

I just think they were ticked that there.

That's my conjecture.

Obviously, guys, when he mentions the word Hitler, we're going to have some nice black and white footage of the

not a small sticker.

Yeah,

just some just some of the crowd.

People marching.

What about a child in the Anne Frank costume?

Right.

Something like that.

So obviously the people that brought the Nazis brought it back.

They must have known the story because now here is the blessing that the Buddhists used on these skulls.

Okay.

And why

they knew about to give it money.

You're going to give it a blessing?

No, no.

What the Buddhists in Tibet.

The blessing they pronounce on these skulls and

why when you picked it up, people always throw money at it.

Do you mind if I read it?

It says Mekaleka Hai.

Mekalekai.

Mekalaka Hai.

No, so the Buddhists would have written on these skulls, descending from the wide expanse of heaven, Amitabha, who art wise, who are the Lord of wealth, whose body is voluminous as the sun, who art full of precious sayings, thou with ornaments and garments of jewels.

Grant me thy blessing, mighty one.

Grant me might.

Bless me, thou powerful one, thou glorious one.

Grant me blessings, Lord of life.

Give me life.

Lord of riches, give me wealth.

Confer on me endless amount of all desirable worldly blessings.

And always go with with hard wood.

Well, I think you missed the line there.

It also says, and to get your mini skull, go to tellemcj.merchtable.com.

That was part of your research.

All right.

Yeah, because I mean, if you,

this is how we're able to put stuff on like this, like people going in and supporting some of the some of the officials.

We really must have a lot of skulls left over.

I'm not kidding around.

Yeah, we got a lot of skulls.

I mean, that suit must have cost you an arm and a leg, right?

That suit was,

about, I don't know, about 40 bucks.

You know, about a little, about a skull and a half.

Right.

Skull and a half.

This is what a skull and a half can provide to you.

Yeah.

Plus Sarah McLaughlin there.

So that's it, huh?

That's it.

Happy Halloween, Father Lance.

Halloween 20 seconds.

Happy Halloween, gentlemen.

Do you have any Halloween plans, Father Lance?

You're going to bob for apples?

We're going to hit the scare house in Pittsburgh.

Oh, that's a great one.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

That's a good one.

That's the best haunted house attraction I've ever been in.

Fatherland, can you answer something?

I was in the parking lot late at night and I saw Mike and Ming's heads bobbing and I didn't see any apples nearby.

Tell them, Steve Dave.

It's a bird taste.

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