#354: Overbites Matter

That cock is heaven sent

right

You've you've battled that your your whole life, right?

No.

No.

Fuck you.

Trevor Wrangler.

Fucking that is the least flashing car there is.

You Trevor Wrangler.

You piece of shit.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave with Walt, with Q, with me.

Q, it's good to have you back, man.

Thanks, pal.

I fucking miss you when you're gone.

I really do because we don't like text as much or talk as much.

No,

when I'm away, when we're away like that,

it's a brutal gauntlet of hell.

I fucking hate touring.

There's someone listening to this like Norton in the sewers and shit right now.

No, I don't give a fuck, fuck you.

I like doing the shows.

I like being on stage and I like interacting with fans, but I hate touring.

Oh, it sucks so much.

It just turns me into a different human.

Worse, I'm assuming?

I'm miserable.

Afraid, tired, sick.

Afraid or afraid?

Both.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What are you afraid of?

Another tour success.

And then you have more tour success.

I just want it to fucking end.

But it's weird because when I get on stage for that hour and a half, I'm not feeling any of that.

I'm having a blast.

And then I get off stage and I die.

That was a cool picture I texted you about, the one with the confetti gun.

Yeah.

Like, those are the pictures like when you're older and you look back, you're like, wow, what a fucking moment.

Yeah.

Yeah, I never regret it.

I do love doing the shows.

Like, I really love being up there.

But, but, uh, yeah.

What are you going to do?

Walt, I got back last night at noon, around noon, and I had tickets to Guns N' Roses last night.

I was so fucking tired, but I was like, you know what?

Tom Petty just died, and it was very upsetting me.

And I was so glad that I went to go see him before he died.

Right.

You know, Tom Petty was my favorite.

And I was like, let me go.

Let me not pass up seeing Guns N' Roses because God knows what's going to happen.

I'll regret it if I don't.

So I went.

They did four fucking hours.

Wow.

I thought,

I thought an hour and 40 minutes, I'd be in and out for three hours and like 52 minutes.

They were on stage.

I wanted to blow.

And I was sitting next to Chris Rock, like directly next to Chris Rock.

So he was singing every song, every song.

So I had Guns N' Roses and fucking Chris Rock in my ear the entire time for four hours.

I was like, this is fucking, I want to go home and sleep so badly, but I'm having such a weird experience right now.

But yeah, somebody told 20-year-old you, like, someday Chris Rock will be basically singing.

He did sing every song.

He did like the popular ones, and he was fine.

He was very polite.

He's a great guy.

You know, great concert going on to sit next to you.

But I'm just saying, like, when you've, when you're that tired, like, I can't believe it.

I feel like I'm having a fevered dream.

A four-hour set list, they must play every single

song.

Every single song that you know of.

Plus covers.

They did covers.

That's what Johnson said.

They did some Chinese.

They did move covers.

They did a Black Hole Sun.

They just started doing all sorts of.

Every song was awesome.

They were fucking great.

But

by the time I left a concert, I was up for 25 hours.

And I thought I was just going to pop in for like a quickie.

I was at three and a half hours.

They still hadn't done Paradise City.

At this age, even well-rested, you'd be like, this is long.

This is too long.

Like coming back from two weeks overseas,

the time difference, all the time.

And I just get like psychotic.

Like, I get crazy when I'm that tired.

I'll kill you, Chris Rock.

Yeah, it's like, I'll fucking stab you right there.

On tour with the Jokers, how long is the show?

What's the longest the show has ever been that you guys have done?

Longest, I think,

just us, not the opening and everything?

Just you guys on stage.

An hour and 45?

Can you imagine?

We usually do about an hour and 15.

Four and a half hours, though.

No.

That's insane.

Like the level of energy that they have to put out to do that.

They're not young men, right, anymore, are they?

Older than us.

Are they?

Axel Rose is older than me?

Axel is all over the years.

That's really impressive.

It's impressive.

It is impressive.

It's something to see.

I mean, but is that you think it's a factor that he was off for so many years now and he's built up a lot of

like it's like a well it's nothing to prove but also he's built up a lot of uh

energy not like putting his voice through that kind of like touring through all those years his voice is age it's not the young

axel rose but it sounds pretty good.

It still sounds pretty good.

Yeah, when we went, I was surprised at how good he sounded.

What was the finale?

Was it

Paradise City?

Was the last song?

Yeah.

What was the opening song?

Oh, I don't even remember, George.

California.

I couldn't even keep track.

I think it was,

what's the other big one?

We got.

Like, Welcome to the Jungle.

Yeah, it was Welcome.

No, no, it wasn't Welcome to the Jungle.

November Rain.

No, November Rain was the best song in the war.

Civil War was pretty good.

They did every song.

You can name every.

What's that song from T2?

They did that.

You Could Be Mine.

You could be mine.

That was in the opening.

I forgot what the opening was.

Yeah, I mean, like I said, I could name every song.

Every song they did.

Two and a half hours.

I couldn't believe it.

And I was so tired.

A lot of people?

Oh, Madison Square Garden sold out.

Sold out.

Yeah.

Speaking of, somebody was asking me, did you guys sell out Madison Square Garden?

We are going to sell it out, yeah.

But we are

selling about 200 tickets a day, which is fucking pretty good.

Yeah.

And we're close to sold out, so we'll sell out.

You should make the proclamation: if you sell out, you'll beat the, you'll go longer than Guns N' Roses did.

No.

Four hours.

It was funny because they have these big banners.

You know, like when the devils, when they hang the

championship banner, right?

They have banners of like Billy Joel because he's done a ton of shows.

They have Fish, all the guys who do the most shows, and it says like 40, Billy Joel and Fish and the number.

I was like, I want to spend the money to say in Practical Jokers one

and hang it up that night.

I go, it'll probably cost too much money, but it's such a funny joke.

You should get cheated by it.

Yeah, we'll see.

Axel Rose is five years older than we are, and

Slash is two years older than we are.

They're running around, man.

They're fucking.

Chris Rock's 50 and he looks great.

Chris Rock's, yeah, he does not look 50.

He looks exactly the same.

How did you score them seats?

Are you friends with Chris Rock?

No, because I'm playing MSG in two weeks, so I was able to call up and just be like, yo, get me tickets.

And Chris Rock is Chris Rock.

So I'm sure there's a lot of people.

So

they have a certain row for.

They have a certain row for, well, not A-listers, but people that they want to keep happy.

Okay.

Yeah.

So

if we were in that row,

we're not getting there.

There were other people in the row, but nobody liked Chris Rock.

But I'll tell you what.

When you sit next to Chris Rock,

you're invisible.

That's great.

No free.

Oh, it was awesome.

It was awesome.

Nobody gave a fuck.

People were asking him for photos and shit like that.

Not a single person.

He was awesome.

Yeah.

I'm just going to ask you something.

I forget what it was.

Yeah.

So I have been home for about 24 hours.

And you're here, though.

I'm here.

I'm here.

I missed it.

But all this came about because I missed being here so much that even on my one day off, because we start shooting tomorrow,

I was like, I got to get down there and hang out with the guys because I really missed it, man.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't like missing a week, but

I was Saturday.

I know what you asked me what I did Saturday.

Saturday, I did a whole bunch of shit because I'm moving into this new place.

Same town as Walt Flanagan, so you know it's going to be.

Oh, same street.

Yeah, same street.

So it's like sweet zip code, like 90210 or something.

The 90210 of Highlands.

And I was going to go on Craigslist.

to the casual encounters thing and try to find like one of those Craiglist hookers and do a podcast with her.

Just be like, how did you get into this?

Yeah.

And by the time I was going to do it, I was like, I was so fucking tired from carrying out

doing shit.

Yeah, why not, right?

They tell me they got.

Have you ever watched a Kirby Enthusiasm?

I have.

The fucker.

The fucker that has dressed up.

That's so funny.

Yeah.

The Curb Your Enthusiasm, I think, is real good right now.

Nathan for you.

Nathan for you, I haven't seen because it's on the same time you guys are.

Good.

What's he?

Vice Principals.

I really like this.

I didn't see the last episode, but yeah.

The Deuce is pretty good.

Did you watch Mindhunter?

No.

Is that a documentary or a series?

It's a series, but,

like,

I don't think it's a docudrama.

I don't know if it qualifies as a docudrama.

It's based on John Douglas, the guy who came up with all that shit.

And they give some love to some lesser-known serial killers, but there's something about it where I'm like, I'm watching it and I'm like, it's not brutal enough.

Yeah.

You know, I don't, I guess that's

what I want.

You want realism?

I guess so.

Why are we watching down?

Yeah, like I watched Narcos, and I'm like, Narcos, I'm like, this is hardcore, but Mindhunter, for some reason, it just has like a soft edge, I think.

Like, they talked to Edmund Kemper and Jerry, Jerry Brutos, and, you know, or people that played them anyway,

which are guys that don't get a lot of, like, they're not Dahmers or

bundies or that type.

But

it's not bad.

I didn't love it.

Not the way I liked Narcos.

And this week I'm like, wow, so much shit is going on in the world.

Is it?

With fucking, you wouldn't know.

I don't know.

I don't pay attention to the internet.

There's a ton of stuff going on, Q, social ills, all kinds of stuff.

I feel like other people have that covered.

Agreed.

What I think matters to us right now.

Walt, Walt, I know you're a long-standing

defender and have championed Lil Bow Wow in the past.

He's back in the news.

Why did I champion him?

I don't remember.

Because he took a picture of himself next to that private jet that turned out to be a society.

Yeah, I believe that's just society putting pressure on Lil Bow Wow to be successful.

And so if he's not, he feels the need to overcompensate.

And I think that's can be

I think that's an I think that's society's problem, not Lil Bow Wow's.

Okay.

Like, you know, he was forced to try to be successful.

Was he?

Yeah.

I believe he was because, you know,

society expects that of Lil Bow Wow.

And I believe that, you know, he was just trying to live up to.

Like, they're like, Lil Bow Wow has a private jet.

And he's like, holy shit, everyone thinks I have a private jet?

I should take a picture of myself next to one so everyone at least like I live up to everyone's expectations.

Because deep down, he's insecure, you think?

I think everybody is.

Well, not everybody, but I think a lot of people are.

I don't see why it's so hard to

see that that's probably just come from a sense of insecurity.

And we should be giving him, not giving him a hard time, but being like

a little bit more understandable.

Well, here's why.

Because giving him a hard time is way more fun

and entertaining.

Yeah, but that's just the.

That's true.

But that's the new,

you know how the Romans?

That's the new

gladiator sport

is going, giving celebrities a hard time.

Right, eviscerating them.

That's what people want to do.

That's the new.

Fuck it, they've had it too good too long.

They should be called to the carpet for still.

Well, I mean, when they do something wrong, but not if they post a picture saying that they have that maybe

their bank account's a little bit inflate it more than it really is.

I don't believe that's worthy.

Why couldn't he just sort of go along with everyone's belief that it is?

Why is he trying to provide evidence for what everyone already believes?

Everyone already thinks Lil Bow Wow is rich, right?

Like I would assume that.

So why is he going out of his way like, hey, I am rich, guys, because look, here's my private jet.

And somebody's like, that's not your private jet, Lil Bow Wow.

And he's like, oh, shit, I've been found out.

I'm a fraud.

I tried to dupe the public.

But why should he have?

I've already told you why he does, though, because he does he wants to come across this successful.

He wants to be.

But everyone thinks that anyway.

So why is he going out of his way?

to prove it?

Why do you think they think it?

Certainly not because of photos like that.

That only denses his credibility.

There are probably other things that he's done in the past to

support that theory, though.

Well, anyway, Lil Bowow's back in the news feeling insecure because it turns out that he tweeted a photo of himself with artists from the former Death Row Records roster,

which he was never a part of.

So he's not allowed to take photos with

no, he photoshopped himself into an existing picture

or someone did.

No, he's just fucking with people though.

It had Dr.

Dre, Snoop, Shuge Knight, Tupac.

I met Shuge Knight in a CVS in Westwood.

That is a big motherfucker.

He's huge.

Yeah, he was nice enough.

He didn't throw me out a window or anything.

Danglario.

He tweeted out a picture of him with Snoop and Dre from 93, which was right around the time he was reportedly discovered.

Snoop had little bow wow, infamously worked with some of Death Row in the early 90s, even though there was no reported evidence, he was officially signed.

So I think he's trying to, like, why now?

I don't know, but he's trying to push himself off.

Do the kids even know who Death Row Records is today?

No way.

He insists he was on Death Row, that he was a part of Death Row at six,

which is why I guess he made this picture of him.

At six years old?

At six years old, but

he was not.

And then he insists after that, he said the photo was sent to him by a fan.

So he said a fan made it.

I'm not familiar with this artist.

So he's.

Lil Bow Wow?

Well, fucking, you would think he was your son the way you defend him.

Jesus Christ.

But he's maintaining that at the age of six, he was signed to a record record.

He was signed to Death Row Records.

Well, he was.

That's when he was Lil Bow Wow.

That's when he was Lil Bow Wow.

But he was never a record.

This was a child performer.

He started as a kid.

Yeah, that's why he changed his name to Bow Wow.

And then I thought just Lil Bow Wow meant that he was

just his name.

I thought it was for an adult.

No, I thought Snoop gave him the name because he's Snoop Dogg, and he's like, you'll be Lil Bow Wow.

But he was never.

So is there any kind of contract that he has that he could point to and be like, here's the contract?

He says, I was on Death Row at six.

This was the label roster.

A fan sent me the pic.

It brought back memories.

Big was on my

big was on Bad Boy, my bros.

I guess Bad Boy is.

Is that Puff Daddy's label or something?

I don't know anymore.

So, yeah.

Do you like this performer?

Lila?

Yeah.

I don't have anything against him, but I've never.

Is it kind of light?

Is it like MC Hammer kind of rap?

I don't know.

I don't have any.

Where it's not that hard kind of thing.

It's not even six.

I'd be pretty surprised, yeah, if it was like hardcore shit.

Criss Cross type shit.

It was crisscross level.

I guess.

I don't know.

Oh, yeah, man.

What about Chris Cross?

Wasn't one of those guys

killed himself?

Chris Cross?

Yeah, one of the Chris Cross Cross guys killed himself.

I found out that.

Remember Ghostbusters 2?

The little baby, Oscar, in Ghostbusters 2?

Yeah.

Was played by twins.

And this year, one of the twins killed himself.

Really?

Yeah, no, it was a little.

How old is he?

I mean, he must be.

29.

Yeah, he must be an older guy now.

Do you think that

anything to do with

not been making it in Hollywood?

They thought they were.

They said he had all sorts of mental issues.

He heard voices and stuff like that.

They said by the end of the year, 25 voices.

It's a shame, man.

I really like Ghostbusters, too.

I thought those babies put in a hell of a performance.

How long were they on screen?

Not long, but they were cute babies.

I mean, how much more do you need?

Yeah, so

this latest Lil Bow Wow boner wall.

Do you defend him for retweeting or tweeting?

He says a fan sent it to him.

There's no evidence of that, just like there's no evidence of that.

Okay, I still can't figure out why are people mad because they're saying you were never part of it.

I don't think they're mad.

I think they're just making fun of him because he's trying to.

Well, he didn't know.

He's trying to, who didn't know?

Lil Badwood.

I don't remember a picture I took when I was six.

But he was never, that picture didn't exist.

The official line is.

The image is just like a painting?

No, it's like a

few of those at six years old.

They could have paraded him in that room and taken a photo with him remembering.

Maybe.

You know?

Maybe.

I mean, but it's not a photo of all these guys.

It's just like their heads.

So this was a photo that like somebody,

I guess somebody at death row made of just like their

shoulders up.

And

his head was not there.

And now his head is photoshopped in there.

And people are like, Lil Bow Wow, this is the plane all over again.

People are caring.

People care, yeah, I guess.

With all the shit that's coming on around the world.

I saw it on Twitter.

Sure.

And immediately I remembered Walt.

Yeah, I don't go to bat for this guy.

I go to bat only because, like, you know,

I think everybody kind of pads their resume at one time or another.

And oh my god, I've outrided lied so many times.

Right, so I've got shitty jobs I didn't even want.

And, you know,

let at least, what's it saying?

Let anybody who cast the first stone or

let he who's without sin cast the first stone.

Yeah, I mean, come on.

This particular sin where you're photo, like, if I photoshopped myself into like,

the clerk's poster, I'm like, what a time.

I think people would love that.

I think people would love that, though.

I don't think you'd be eviscerated.

I don't think people would be upset by that.

Like, I take Jeff out.

Right, because they're like, well, he's a fucking idiot who's obviously fucking around.

Unlike Lil Bow Wow, who's like seriously trying to pass himself off as a jet owner or a fancy car owner or a deaf road?

I think

I would want to hear from Lil Bow Wow to see if he's not just fucking with people either, though.

You think he may be trolling people?

To make himself look like an asshole every time?

Yeah, but

he's a terrible troll.

But when was the last time anybody thought about Lil Bow Wow?

Last time we talked about him, probably.

That's what I'm saying.

He's not a viable performer at this point.

I have no clue.

I don't think he's a conversation.

It doesn't seem that way.

Yeah, like

all

everything points to Lil Bow Wow not being super marketable.

It's not even his name anymore.

Let me see what his new name is now.

It's not just Bow Wow.

It was Bow Wow, but I think he changed it.

Oh, yeah.

It's Shad Gregory Moss.

That's a pretty cool name, actually.

Yeah, Shad's Goss.

How old is he?

He was born in 87, so he's, what, 29?

Okay, I mean, it's that age, man, where you are,

you know, and he's probably not as relevant as he used to be, right?

Probably is fucking common.

He's got to be rich, though.

He made a lot of money.

I don't don't think so.

Take it from guys who have been on TV for seven years.

No, but he never released albums back when I was in the middle.

You know, the record industry is notorious for not giving the performers, the artists, any of the money.

Yeah.

I would bet, you know, like, I mean, isn't that, isn't that, weren't they, weren't, wasn't this the label that was hanging people off the

off the sides of buildings for

their

to sign off on their whatever it's called?

The residual?

Yes.

Maybe.

I don't know.

On March 15th, 2017, Bow Wow, responding to President Donald Trump's criticism of Snoop Dogg's video, sent a tweet in which he threatened to pimp out Melania Trump and make her work for us.

In less than 24 hours, Bow Wow deleted the offending tweet.

Come on, Bow Wow.

You're either fucking gangsta or you're a fucking little pussy.

I think we have the answer.

I just love how he, how, how would that shake out?

How would he actually make that happen?

He's like, I'm going to put Melania Trump on the stroll.

She's like, oh, shit.

Oh, shit, daddy.

It's like, yo, yo, bitch.

I'm Lil Bow Wow.

You may remember me from such photos as my fraudulent Jeff Florida.

That seems like a stretch.

And who's us?

Like, who is us exactly?

Like him and Snoop Dogg?

The people.

No, I think.

No,

no, not the people.

He's saying he's going to pimper out.

Yeah, for

as a hooker.

Who's going to pay for that?

Melania Trump?

Yeah.

Lots of people, I bet.

I mean, is she there of her own volition or is she there just because Lil Bow Wow made her?

It sounded to me like Lil Bow Wow was

maybe like

maybe he didn't have her full consent.

Well, if Melania doesn't want to be on the stroll, then nobody should be paying for it.

But if she's a willing partner,

then you know.

But do you look at Lil Bow Wow and say, like, hey, this whole pimp thing?

No, because that's if she's willing,

then he's just operating as

whatever pimps do, middleman protector.

I don't know.

What a story if she leaves Donald Trump and is like, I'm going to be hoeing, I'm going to be hoeing for Lil Bow Wow.

I'm going to be able to hit the wow exclusively by Lil Bow Wow.

I guarantee his record sales go through the roof.

Well, people are just like, hey, I've heard of Lil Bow Wow now.

I mean,

how much could he charge for the first lady?

For the first lady?

That looks like that.

Because you're not talking like Eleanor Roosevelt.

No, no, no, no, no.

Lady Ladybird.

Rose Ladybird Johnson.

It's not fucking Mary Todd.

She's legit like hot.

Yeah.

Wow.

You could get...

You could get like some rich Asian businessman, some rich Saudis or something.

I'll bet you a million.

Oh, yeah.

Somebody easily pay a a million, right?

I think so.

What about like...

Because now Donald has to pay?

Well, what about

that lunatic in North Korea would be the first one to pony up a zillion dollars.

He's got to have a tiny cock, right?

Only because, like, well, he's Asian and there's that stereotype, but he's such a like, such a plump guy, such a like, sort of rotund guy that, like, an already little wiener is going to appear even smaller.

Yeah.

So when he's with a girl, does she have to pretend like, oh my god,

what do you think?

He's a god, so he's got to

his people.

They consider him like a deity, right?

Yeah.

So, like, it's got to be that cock is heaven sent.

Right.

And they're like, I don't know if I want to go to heaven.

That cock can cure cancer.

That's disappointing.

I don't think they care.

An entire nation brainwashed, huh?

Well,

some probably are brainwashed in so much as they're like, we know I got to say this.

Right.

We just just follow it.

We just follow

like every other girl, you're always like, oh, this is the biggest dick I've ever had.

Yeah, I'm sure some probably believe it.

Well, it's like the United States today, where you just have to say the right things and just tell the people.

Just fall in line.

Just fall in line and say the socially acceptable thing.

You're saying that leftists are basically Tim John and

I agree with you.

I am not saying that.

I am not saying that.

But the difference, though, is in North Korea, if you don't say it, you could be dead.

If you don't follow the line here,

you're only thinking.

Your career is dead.

You're a little bellowed.

Well, I mean, career if you're someone in the spotlight, but if you're not in the spotlight, I mean, there's really not much of a there's not much of a price to pay for not following or not towing the line.

That's not true.

You see people get fired all the time.

Well, yeah, but.

Like that thing Gidem showed us, that was unreal.

Yeah, but

if you put something online and your real name's not attached to it, there's no remedy.

Yeah.

But

if you did that in North Korea, I'm sure they would track you down.

There is no like fake name.

They'll find out who said it.

Yeah, they don't even have internet, right?

No, they do.

I think they get it all from Russia now.

Oh, yeah.

Like China used to do it, and then now that China's

with the sanctions and shit, I think a lot of it goes through Russia.

Did you ever see Blade Runner yet?

No, I heard it was three hours.

Yeah.

And that's what made me go, like, I can't do it.

It's shorter than a fucking Guns and Roadbuck.

Chris Rock.

Can you imagine that?

It's you're right.

Like, they played longer.

Dude, it was nuts.

There was a flow open for them.

No one.

There was no opening act?

No, I got there.

I guess you weren't there.

I got there 20 minutes before they were on, and there was no opening act.

In the time that you watched that concert, you could have almost flown all the way to L.A.

It's crazy.

I mean,

they were really great, so it's like if I wasn't tired, I would have been totally into it.

Now, it's just two original members.

Like, there's one dude.

No, Duff, Duff's there still.

Yeah, one guy.

Stephen Adler, right?

The drummer?

Yeah.

He can't play.

Or they don't allow him to play.

For whatever reason, yeah,

he's not there.

I think it's drugs.

I hope so.

Yeah, I mean,

he was on Celebrity Rehab.

Well, he stroked out.

Yeah, as I'm saying, he has a physically out of the way.

I think he can play.

Oh, really?

Yeah, he plays.

Level the play four and a half hours, though?

That, I don't know.

He might stroke out again if he did that.

Because that's got to be the most, other than the singer, who do you think puts out the most energy and exertion at the end of a four and a half hour show, the drummer or the singer?

Well, Axel never stops running.

He He goes back and forth and back and forth.

In general, I got to say the drummer, but that motherfucker does not stop.

Where's he running to?

From one end of the stage.

From end of the stage.

I will say this,

and it's what you and I noticed when we saw them in Pennsylvania.

They do not interact with each other

at all.

It's weird.

They do not.

Like, there's none of that leaning in or like a little like somebody says something, the other guy laughs a little bit.

It is almost as if Slash and Axel are on two different stages on two different shows.

Do you think there's a problem?

No, I think that is the solution.

So, you don't think they really haven't mended fences?

I don't know.

I had heard that their contract to do this is like very,

every stipulation is laid out on behavior.

It's so crazy, right?

Like, they were friends.

They were friends at one time.

They were like, they were sleeping on floors, doing heroin together, like friends.

Well, like, it works.

Now they're like the only way we can be on stage together.

Well, who knows?

But now, maybe they power.

Heroes, money, and

success changes everything.

Well, so, like, I think Axel is fucking nuts to begin with.

So that probably doesn't help, right?

No, it doesn't help if you're...

You're nuts and you're on heroin.

Yeah.

Like, at least with Slash, he was just on heroin, then he cleaned up.

So, Joe, I mean, dealing with somebody who's

like, if you have

crazy.

Well, if you have,

like, if you're, if you're that crazy but creative and you have somebody who's on heroin and you can't rely upon him and you're not getting what you want from them, I'm sure Axel Scott Debbie just as much reason to be like furious at,

you know,

at Slash or Adler.

So Adler, I guess he had back surgery, it says here.

It says that on July 6, 2016, he joined Guns N' Roses for performances of two songs.

Wow, the first since 1990.

So that's fucking

26 years.

He made other guest appearances, and he was rumored to take part in the band's April 1st show at the Troubadour, but had back surgery, which forced him to pull out.

Yeah.

I don't know if he still owns part of the band or not.

I think he doesn't, right?

I don't know.

Now, you mentioned the

passing of

Tom Petty.

You got to see him before.

I saw him in June.

In June.

Where'd you see him at?

PNC.

PNC.

How long did he play?

About two hours.

I was reading a thing.

It said like the night before, two nights before, he had played a crazy long set.

Yeah.

And he looked fine and everything.

He was great.

The night before he died?

Yeah.

How did he die again?

Heart attack.

Heart attack.

Yeah,

that was rough.

That was only the second time I cried when a celebrity died.

Hundred S.

Thompson.

When Honduras Thompson died, I got really upset.

I don't want to upset you, but that's an author?

Yeah.

Okay.

That's an author.

When Harold Ramis died, too.

I didn't see already.

No, I'm not going to say anything.

I just don't know who it is, so I know that might have upset you.

Like you're in Loathing in Las Vegas, the Hells Angels book.

Pretty like gonzo journalist.

He's my favorite.

He's not the guy that toured with

the Road for Rolling Stone, is it?

No.

They did a movie about him?

No, that's Cameron Crowe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then Tom Petty.

Tom Petty.

That was a rough one for me.

Yeah, did y

because I felt it was it was almost like it was crazy because they were being like, did you have any hopes that, like, because they were said he's dead.

Well, they're like, he's not dead.

I never got my hopes back up.

Never, never?

No, I never did.

I was wondering because I was like,

I had my fingers crossed for you.

I had hoped, man.

It didn't work.

He failed Q.

I crossed my fingers.

Crossed fingers did not bring Tom Petty back from there.

But I was hoping

I thought

the way that things are, I mean.

That would have been great.

It would have been some comeback.

It would have been the ultimate comeback.

It would have been an amazing comeback.

Yeah, I would have hoped, but like he did a show the next day.

I was not that when they announced that, I was like, if he does come back from this, that's going to be a hell of an album.

Yeah.

But I never allowed myself the ability to hope.

I was pretty upset by that one.

While you were gone, we did New York Comic-Con.

We did our panel and all that shit.

At Hammerstein, right?

We did it at the Hammerstein, yeah.

That's a pretty big room.

Yeah.

I don't know if it's as big as the big room at the con.

So it's a smaller room at the con?

I don't know.

Did it seem that way to you?

I couldn't really tell.

I think the con is like five, probably because it was already big.

Because, yeah, there's so many

people there now and so many panels.

Yeah.

Hammerstein's a pretty big room.

Yeah.

But we did me and Ming.

Mike was supposed to be there, but he was too late.

We did the Jim and Sam show, Jim Norton and Sam Robertson series.

And we were booked at the same time as Michael Madsen.

Oh, nice.

You'd think so.

He is

nice, but kind of a strange guy.

And like,

Ming and I said maybe two things each during the time we were there.

We didn't have that much time.

But Michael Madsen,

he brings up that he out of nowhere, he's like, just found out I have a 30-year-old daughter.

And he's like this real like

low-key, like he's not energetic.

Yeah.

He looks like he's almost fallen asleep.

Just found out I have a 30-year-old daughter, which obviously is like, wow, so tell us about that.

Yeah.

And, but he was so like stingy with details.

Like, um, like, you remember, he reminded me exactly of like an always sunny Philadelphia, like the maniac when he's like, Oh, you have a family?

And he's like, Not anymore.

Like, that's exactly who he reminded me of.

And

so they're asking questions, and they're like, Oh, so who's the mom?

And he's like, This, uh, it was this woman that I met in a

car wash, car wash cashier, and wherever she was from.

And I think Sam was like, Oh, really?

So she's still around?

He's like, I don't want to talk about her anymore.

Well, why bring it up?

I don't know.

Yeah, it's a weird one.

That's why I said to Norton later on, I said, I said, because he was like apologizing for us hardly having any time or saying anything.

And I said, don't worry.

I said, I didn't have anything as fast as

interesting as like, I just found out I have a 30-year-old daughter.

Why do they keep booking you guys on with other people?

I feel like maybe people who don't know us think we can't handle.

Can't handle it.

Yeah, but Norton knows you by now.

You guys have been on so many times.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Maybe

fucked it up.

Yeah, I don't know because it is strange.

Like, why would you have a song at the same time as Michael Madsen, who like I would want to listen to?

I thought I would want to listen to.

That's always kind of what I hoped would happen to me back in the day.

That I would get to a certain age and a child would present themselves fully grown and be like, I'm your son or daughter.

I was really good.

Are they happy?

Well, now they're happy about this.

Well, no, no.

I mean, back in the day, I mean, when I had these dreams, I was in my 20s.

I think that they were...

Dreamed of not raising a child.

Yeah.

Like having a kid and not doing it.

But I always imagined that they weren't angry at me because obviously I didn't know.

So there was like a fun and, and you know, learning process.

And how old were they when they presented?

They were like 30?

When I was a kid,

when I was having these desires, they were like in 19, 20.

Oh, 21, I remember.

Because then I could drink with them.

Okay.

Yeah.

So right now, if somebody showed up, they're like, I'm your kid.

And there's irrefutable proof.

I'd love it.

You would still love it.

Now?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Go out drinking with them.

Oh, yeah.

It's funny.

You're a very busy guy.

No, I'm not time for my kid.

You know what I never thought of before?

I don't know if it's legal or not.

Like when Sage turns 21, can I drink with her?

Could she drink?

Well, that gets back to that whole thing.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Like, I doubt she'll have a driver's license.

I don't know.

I don't think so.

I'll just go by whatever I did with Walt because he didn't have a driver's license at 21 either.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know.

Like,

I'm sure she could, right?

I don't think so.

Yeah, she can't drink.

Mentally, she's not 21.

Yeah, but there's no stipulation as to mentally.

I don't know.

I wouldn't go on that.

I would be

pretty irresistible.

I've been giving her beer a lot lately.

It would be irresponsible if I got her tanked and then we went driving around.

Like, she drove even though she doesn't have a license.

Yeah, I'll bet you she can, though.

I mean, she's like, she's cognizant.

She knows, like, she'll point people out, constantly pointing people out that are smoking about how bad it is for them.

oh my god it was the fucking best i've been

i've been telling wallet sage recently is consumed with puss and boots um she watched the movie she watched the movie that that lynched

yes yeah loved it and then found out there was a netflix uh dreamworks made like a netflix um it's like cgi series

it's like five seasons oh wow holy so yeah it's crazy right so she's consumed with puss and boots she thinks that he's following her because i guess he's like a rap scallion type character.

Like convinced that he's following her, that

he's doing things.

And you want to add alcohol to the mix?

The way she fucking comes at me with it all the time, I want to add alcohol to the mix.

I'll add anything to dull the fucking nonstop onslaught of puss and boots shit.

So when I got home the other night, she had set up all this shit that she said were cat traps so that she could catch puss and boots

and was very, very

emphatic about me not moving any of it because she wanted to try to catch him.

So obviously that night, like I messed up the cat trap and one of the real cats had popped her ball.

Like she had like this playground ball type thing and I guess one of them, it was like a thin skin.

So he like kind of stuck his nail into it and it popped it.

So I put the ball next to the cat trap and then I messed up.

And the next morning I woke her up.

I was like, you're not going to believe what happened.

And I told her that puss and boots, like I woke up and he was going nuts because he was caught in the cat trap and he got mad and popped the ball, and her fucking face was like, motherfucker.

It was so

like the look at her, she was just like, you're fucking with me, right?

I'm like, no, like it was crazy.

And she, she bought it.

She totally bought it.

Yeah, it was pretty fun.

Like, not like Waltz kids, I think, who are just like, by this age, they're probably like, okay,

like 13 and 18?

Yeah.

No, no, no, no, I met by 11.

Even by 11, I'll bet you had a hard time convincing.

Where is she right now?

Where

as far as like right now, where is she staying right now?

Oh, she's with Pemmeniger right now.

Yeah, she's staying there.

Yeah, I may have

a part-time babysitter lined up

of one of the Flanagan girls, perhaps.

Oh, nice.

Yeah, it could be.

We'll talk to his daughter.

Yeah, because like when I go to L.A.

and then the cruise and shit, it's just like it's what am I going to do, right?

Nice.

Yeah.

What else?

Oh, you know what?

We got

what do we got?

Yeah, and I got a, I got, I got the return of something.

Remember Rance and Ruse?

Oh, my God, yeah.

I got, I, I, I got what you're mad about, what you're not mad about.

Little ads that I saw that angered me.

Yeah, I remember.

Yeah, but, um, fuck, I, god damn it, I should have written it down.

I saw one recently that I was like, this is perfect for Walt.

And now I can't remember.

Maybe it'll come back to me, but.

Well, I got three of them here that are pissing me off, but really only one of them is.

Really?

Only one is?

But there's also, I wanted to talk to you about this one ad.

What do you have an ad that you can?

I have a real ad that will pass.

Our ads.

Which ad is it?

This one will be, what is this?

This is.

Oh.

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October's loot crate theme is mythical, which doesn't make sense at all.

It should be horror, right?

Fucking.

Well, I think Game of Thrones, Lord of the Rings.

It's big.

No.

I think it's even bigger than horror.

No, that was the last one.

The last one was like fantasy or some shit.

That's why all of that Hobbit stuff came in it.

This is.

What's bigger Q?

What's a bigger genre right now?

Fantasy or horror?

Nothing's really going on in fantasy right now, right?

Game of Thrones.

It's kind of

winded down, won down.

Well, what about Game of Thrones?

Yeah, that's one show that's an outlier, whereas horror is like always on the show.

Yeah, every time a horror movie comes out, they're like, we made it for $3 million and it made $100 million.

Horror is a good, and it's the highest renting genre, too.

Not a lot of people are renting fantasy shit.

Well, you know, like from iTunes or whatever.

You can rent on iTunes.

What fucking.

You know what year it is, right?

Yeah.

You've never rented a movie from iTunes?

Can you rent music?

Well, you could pay $10 a month or something to get Apple music.

Right, but let's say I want an album.

Let's say I want Chinese Democracy because Q was mentioned.

Q won't shut up about it.

Could I rent it to see if I liked it?

You can listen to

samples of each song, but I don't think you can rent the album and be like, maybe I'll buy it later on.

Yeah, I don't think so.

They should try that, though.

Have they ever thought about that?

That seems like a good.

I don't know.

Last time I was talking to my buddies at Apple, they hadn't mentioned it.

How the fuck would I know?

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What's today?

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What's the day they're talking about?

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Luke Crate?

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Yeah, you know what, man?

I got disappeared.

The

Fanduel.

Fanduel disappeared.

Casper, we get once in a while.

Yeah.

I need to call on Casper.

And Miyondi's is definitely

very loyal.

But yeah,

but the fan duel went away, which is odd because football is in full swing.

Right.

Maybe we're getting them out too late.

Because sometimes the show would come out after the games.

On Sunday?

I guess so, yeah.

So maybe they're like, fuck them.

Who knows what Q is doing?

We've got to wait for him for Ruses and Rants.

God, I wish I could remember that commercial because I'm like, this is fucked up.

Oh, yeah.

Maybe it's the commercial that I have.

I hope so.

I wanted to talk.

This isn't part of the rants and what's it called?

Rants and Roots.

Yeah.

All right, so I want

to sell out.

You guys have a healthy sex life, right?

Q took a knee.

Oh, man, I got news today.

I got that.

I don't know if I brought this up.

Yeah.

I'm like, so I don't have AIDS.

Right in the middle of potlay.

Hey, same thing.

No,

like in the middle of August or something,

somewhere around there, I had to get something called a testopel because my testosterone was so low.

You've battled that your whole life, right?

No.

No.

Fuck you.

I know what you're doing.

You're like, you always had trouble with boner touch.

It's been a long battle with this.

Well, like, you've conquered it.

Can't be any wrong.

You fucking weigh like nothing now.

Well, that's what it is.

You're off drugs.

You're in shape.

Being a fat ass and being on drugs, yeah, like that's a big

boner killer.

That's a boner killer.

Yeah.

Well, it's a testosterone.

It's a recipe for not being able to make testosterone.

Boners.

Right.

Hence, yeah, yeah.

Hence, the boner killer.

The knock-on effect.

Killing them bonus.

The boner killing.

Yeah.

So at the time, I cared way more about drugs than boners.

I didn't give a fuck at all.

The good thing about Oxy, though, for anybody who has to take it, is like it desensitizes you.

So you do last forever once you get that boner.

But it's not really super enjoyable, I'll say that much.

But

yes, between the being heavier and it turning, I guess like when you're heavier, it turns shit into estrogen.

So basically I was growing a puss

instead of manufacturing testosterone.

I almost was able to service both of you guys.

Like had I gained a couple more pounds.

Oh, that would have been awesome.

Yeah, you guys would just fuck me up.

What a Christmas episode.

So when I first started out,

it's called testopelin.

It's like this little slow-release thing that gives you testosterone.

It's like a little tiny pellet, and they make an incision right in the back of his hip right here.

It was pretty, like, it didn't hurt when he was doing it, but like the next day or two, it's sore.

Yeah, sore and like bruised and shit.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Did you ask him, like, is it, can I just take this like orally or

the other way?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Can you put it in my ass?

I think if I could swallow a pill, he wouldn't be like, Let me cut you open.

If that was an option, they would have mentioned it.

But did you ask?

Yeah, well, you can get gel.

You can take it.

Why didn't you get the gel then?

Why didn't you go get cut open?

Because if you do the gel, anyone who accidentally rubs it is going to get a dose of testosterone.

Yeah.

Okay.

So who's going to accidentally rub it?

Like, let's say Sage is like.

We got your shirt off?

All the time.

You don't want it to see that.

um no but it doesn't matter like let's say like i just i forget and i just scratched my neck now it's on my hand right and now i'm touching her next thing you know she's a fucking like ninth grade mustache you know like

this is it would affect her yeah okay all right this won't affect her to go with or you could get shots like um but then you'd have to go in every two weeks to get rather get like cut open right but it's like it's this big of an incision it's like it's like putting a tic-tac into under your skin i get it but it's still like i'm a i i don't like...

I mean, I'd rather do that than fucking sit in traffic every two weeks.

Yeah, every two weeks.

Plus, I don't like injections.

I would just be careful.

I would put the gel on with gloves and then throw the gloves away.

Yeah, but even later on, if I were to scratch my neck.

I wouldn't scratch my neck.

I know you want to think that.

I'd like to believe that.

I guess it would be like, I can't scratch my neck while I got this gel on.

How long does the gel stay on your body, though?

You put it on every day.

So it's on all the time, yeah.

I felt like it wasn't worth the risk to.

No, I get it.

No, it's admirable that you didn't want to get

minor

to turn it to sorge.

Got to have boners, yeah.

She's bossing me around, fucking throwing me over the couch and shit.

Reutrage.

But no, yeah, it got like in two months, August, November, no, August, September.

Yeah, basically two months, it went from like whatever like borderline, like it was like low borderline, like below

normal to like 600.

And I guess the goal is like a thousand or something.

So I constantly have a boner at all times.

Who doesn't want to think about that?

So

your body's now will soon no longer need the insertion.

Now your body will start making it on its own?

That I don't know.

Is this a thing that you'll

they said if you got the shots, you had to keep doing it.

So

the weight loss obviously helped a little, I guess a little bit.

So I don't know.

I'll ask them next time.

Did your body just like

this forgot to learn how to produce this chemical?

I don't know if it forgot or just because, like,

when you're heavier, yeah, like you damage it with drugs, and then when it's uh, it's not, it's common for opiate addicts to have that problem.

Um, and then when you're overweight, it's common for, I guess, for testosterone to be converted into estrogen.

They say don't, like, don't eat a lot of soy because soy will do that also, turn testosterone into estrogen, which is why Ghost Pussy's name is so fucking apropos, I guess.

Why?

I don't get it.

What's soy?

Because he eats like soybeans.

Like instead of eating meat, it's like soy dog.

Okay, I thought soy was something Asian, like soy sauce.

Yeah, well, soy sauce.

Sure, but like soy is also like

what's that shit called?

That like white stuff.

Tofu.

Tofu, yeah.

That's made out of soybeans.

It's like all this shit made out of soybeans.

Well, he's a vegetarian or

whatever the fuck.

He is?

Yeah, so.

I heard that vegetarians suffer from a lot of

health issues.

Yeah.

Yeah, I can't remember what it was one of my facts, one of the barren facts I can't remember right now.

I was going to spit it out one day.

I know vegans do, but like certain vegans, I actually think I was supposed to use a vegan.

But yeah, they don't get certain nutrients and shit that you do through meat, iron, whatever the fuck.

I don't like that.

I mean, it's weird that you brought that up because that was one of my

rants or ruse, but I want to talk to you guys about.

Have you heard of this new product that is called a duration spray?

No.

It makes you last longer?

Yeah.

Do you spray it on your member?

Well, I don't know how to do it.

Desensitize.

But there is a commercial out right now where it's this guy, and I won't play it a commercial because it has nothing to do with, but like he's with his girl, and they're like hugging and kissing.

And he looks up, and in the corner of the bedroom is a baseball team.

And he goes, guys, I won't need you tonight.

And he points to the nightstand,

and it says the duration spray, KY duration spray, which I guess is to say that like he's been using

to last longer.

If I wanted to fall asleep, I'd think about baseball.

Why though?

Like, what the fuck?

But

what is a duration?

Like, what's a normal duration of that now people need a spray?

Well, maybe he's a two-pump chump.

Yeah.

You know?

Can you imagine like you finally get a role?

It's on a commercial.

You're like, I'm going to be on a commercial.

And like, really, what's it about?

And it's like, well, I'm a two-puncture.

What's the.

Well, you said you thought of Spider-Man.

Yeah, I thought of hockey, too.

Yeah.

Yeah,

I would think about a championship run the devils had and who they played.

I figured that was the only way you could stay hard.

But I don't know.

Well, what's an expected time, though, to

I actually have an answer here.

Now that they're making a spray, I mean, is this a problem that people are...

Or maybe you just want it to last longer.

I agree.

Even if it's lasting a while, you're like, it could last even longer.

Okay, but how does it?

And then I also want to ask you, how does this chemical work, though?

What does it do to you?

I think I have the answer to both of these.

You do?

Okay, I would love to hear it.

Because I read that the average

making experience was 13 minutes, which seems short to me.

And now, is that including everything?

Like, I don't know.

You know what?

Like for playing all that?

Because that seems

pretty short, right?

It's so short.

Right.

But they're saying 13 minutes tolerate that.

is the average pumping action.

Action.

Okay.

And then the spray.

What does the spray do?

It's got to

feel like terrible.

What's the point?

Well, I guess the idea being that

it won't feel as good for me, but at least I won't look like a two-pump jump.

Right.

Which affects your confidence.

And once it affects your confidence, then everything's downhill.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's horrible, though.

Whereas if you're going 14, 15 minutes, you look like a superhero,

even if you're not feeling it, but it builds up your confidence.

You don't seem very rageful about this one.

No, this is not part of my one of my one.

No, this isn't one of my rancheroos.

This one just perplexed me.

I got it.

And I wanted to know if you guys knew anything.

I was, I mean, listen to me, when I'm done, I'm done.

Do you have no confidence issues?

You just roll off

sandwich and nap to me.

Do you normally see your problem?

Deal.

I don't even know why I'm asking this.

I know the answer already, but there's there's no way that

you're

not

lasting longer than the average session.

Well, is it Kim Jong-un over here?

You're like, you're a god.

That really is.

Basically, this is the fucking walking.

Talking Fonzie.

Yeah, I love it.

I love the build-up.

The build-up's my favorite part.

So I'll put in hours on that.

Before the pumping,

I don't, you know.

You don't know?

I don't know.

You've never really thought about it.

There have been times where it's been like where I've been to pump jump, but it's been surrounded by so much.

I was alcohol.

I was so happy.

No, no, no.

No, but it's like if you have an ongoing sexual history with someone, you're allowed your occasional whoopsie.

You're allowed.

Okay.

But you couch it in a good way.

You're like, you were so hot, I couldn't hold out.

And suddenly,

who's the boy who's eating a sandwich walking Netflix?

Feeling pretty good.

You know?

Successful.

Yeah, you look so good, baby.

Couldn't hold out.

Would you experiment with the duration spray?

Just for a scientific space?

No, I'm at the point in my life you.

You suck in somebody's cock.

And then it's got to taste like peppermint.

If it tastes like peppermint, then yeah.

No, I'm going nowhere.

Clear your schedule.

This is knocks the ball.

I love the buildup.

No, I'm at the age where it's like,

I think it's, I gotta like,

it goes on too long now.

I don't mean that in a good way.

I don't mean that in a sexy way.

I think I'm at that age where I'm like,

let's wrap this up.

Yeah, let's wrap this up.

Is there,

see, I don't want to get too graphic, though, and especially

with me, no one wants to be thinking of that, but do you get ever come to a point where you're like, where you pass a certain timeline and you're like, if you don't do it by that time,

it's not going to happen.

Yeah, it's happened.

Is that normal?

Yeah, yeah,

yeah.

You last so long.

Well, I'm talking about that.

I'm talking about it.

I'm going like

1999, 2000.

We play the Florida Panthers.

We take the first four games.

And then we go.

Who's on first?

What's on second?

All right, then we went into Toronto and we lost that first game.

And then we came back and we won the next two.

You know, so like I'm doing all that.

And then all of a sudden, I'm into the like she's already out of the room, three championships, and I'm like, whoa,

I might not, I may not be able to

like

that happens, yeah,

because you're so distracted by what you're thinking about.

Well, sometimes you just lose it, but it's not like it's just like just something

down there.

It's just like, it's just like, it's not well then you get in your own head, then you get in your own head because you're not going to be able to do it

the opposite way.

Yeah.

All the devils got to be like, you know, sexy women.

Yeah.

With tails and red boots.

Not even the devil's cheerleader.

You think of the actual devils dressed up all sexy.

Oh, my God.

They're part of the garter master.

Bro Doors, Bro Doors,

he's not wearing any of his hockey equipment.

He's just got like garters.

Sock garters.

It's basically the lingerie bowl, except with the devils.

Oh, and then Lou Maronbro comes out, and then I'm like, right back to where I started from.

That was puck nuts for this week.

All right, well, you want ranched ruse, these are real ones that got me pissed off.

I'm going to play them for you, or maybe didn't, Q.

We don't know yet.

Okay, I'll play.

Um, let me play

this one first.

Hold on, a fine human being.

How do you want to live

as a decent person?

A fine human being?

A good friend?

Is that it?

Good?

Of course not.

Parent of the year?

Better.

Making her hearts give a big thump.

One of a kind.

Undeniable.

Like a boss.

Like a standard bearer.

Like a pro.

We couldn't agree more.

We are professional grade.

GMC.

All right.

So the idea is all this stuff that is generally accepted as making people good human beings, that's all good and fine.

But if you have our car,

you are going to be an individual

in your girl's eyes.

Well, that's the premise of the commercial.

Right.

But that's not what angered me.

Okay.

Was it something visual or something you heard?

No, was it because the guy in the commercial was white and his girlfriend was black?

Is that what pissed you off?

Yeah.

I didn't even know that because now I'm angry.

For you to admit that no no no keep that to yourself

no you can't figure you can't just talk about it at the meeting later

true

rally burn

that's true that's why i keep getting kicked out like guys guys we got the meeting in order they're like it's a rally idiot no one's gonna take us seriously uh what what could make you mad about that

i mean it's

it's pretty it was glaring it's pretty glaring i thought why what

okay you would now you heard what the things in the beginning, what he said.

Well, he said one thing.

He said, like a friend.

Well, no, he said, what are we after?

We want to be good people.

Could you play one more time?

I feel like

I got to hear it again to try to.

Let's go.

You guys got to pay attention, though.

I'm sorry.

It's pretty obvious.

I'm still in UK time.

It's like fucking three in the morning for me.

I should have told you

Ransom Rooses was coming up.

I should have sent you the videos before.

No, No, no, no.

I would have watched.

Don't worry about that.

It's not on you.

All right.

You ready?

Yeah.

How do you want to live?

As a decent person?

A fine human being?

A good friend.

Is that it?

Good?

Of course not.

Parent of the year?

Better.

Making her hearts give a big thump.

One of a kind.

Undeniable.

Like a boss.

Like a standard bearer.

Like a pro.

We couldn't agree more.

Like a what bear?

Or a professional bear?

Standard bearer.

GMC.

Standard bear?

Yeah, it's bearer.

Like where the bar is set.

Okay.

I thought he said bear, like a grizzly bear.

He sounds like he's putting down ants, man.

Yes.

Yeah.

Can you imagine if this world, if everybody in this world just was a good person, a good father, a good husband, just good, just being good would be amazing.

But no, this fucking commercial is painting that.

Most people aren't.

Most people aren't good friends.

Most people aren't good at anything.

Right.

And yet

this commercial would dare to be like, well, that's not.

Even good's not good enough.

Well, they're not talking to those people then.

No, they're not.

They're not talking to the people that already aren't good at being a dad or a mom or a friend or whatever.

They're dismissing them outright.

They're saying, if you are these things,

that's good, but

you could take it up a step.

You could fucking go next level.

You could be level dad, or you could be dad of the year.

Yeah, you could be like next level.

Boss.

Could you imagine if America's children were raised by good parents?

Every single child.

We probably wouldn't.

We don't need every parent doesn't need to be a parent of the year.

But if every child was raised by a good parent,

this country would be.

Then I wouldn't be sitting here right now.

It's only because I'm so diseased that I have something to say.

Thank you, Pem and Edgar.

I mean, I feel it is.

I feel it's a shitty commercial.

I feel that it's.

Oh, it's pretentious and arrogant.

It is kind of arrogant.

It's like, all that's good, but if you really want to, like, you want to get your lady super into you, just drive a GMC.

Well, I get it.

Get the fuck out of here.

It's not like that's a fucking Lamborghini.

They're selling upgrades.

Like, even a Lamborghini at the end of the day is just a fucking car.

Right.

That's all it is.

It gets you no different than my fucking,

you know, Wrangler.

It's the same fucking thing.

It gets you from A to B.

Yeah, that's it.

But you don't want to drive A to B in a total piece of shit because we've done it.

Well, just because of reliability.

But aside from that, it's just like, really, there's no flashlight.

You don't need a flashy whip, huh?

I don't need a flip.

I drive a Wrangler.

Fucking that's the least flashy car there is.

You drive a Wrangler, you piece of shit.

That one just pissed me off because I feel like

the world doesn't have enough

doesn't have enough good

people doing good things at their job, like at home,

with their spouses, and to then to diminish that

good.

Working jobs they don't want for shit and they don't need.

Oh, shit, they don't need.

That's what they're trying to get people to do.

Spend your money on fucking nonsense.

All right.

That was one.

Yeah.

You know what a duvet is, Walt?

Duvet?

Duvet, yeah.

Isn't that

where you clean your bottom?

Good.

You're a man.

A real man.

Why?

No, that's a bidet.

What are you talking about?

I'm not a real man because a duvet is like a cover

for a bed.

I see the irony is I didn't know what a duvet was until

people told me what it was.

I was like, oh, I guess.

All right.

The irony.

He's lasted all night and doesn't know what duvets are, man.

He's like the manliest motherfucker I know.

I mean, he's thinking about guys while he's having sex with his wife.

Oh, Walt, yeah, my main line just is, dude.

Look at him here.

That's what I should have done.

I'm like, could you take some out of my friend?

Yeah, yeah.

It's fucking crazy how manly this guy is.

It's a problem.

My wife says, is like,

you need, you're too manly.

Fuck too hard, Walt.

She's too long, too hard.

Please don't fight with the devils tonight.

She's in a support group.

She's like, my man is too good at it.

Just a bunch of women in wheelchairs.

Here's the other one.

What are you going to say about that?

I'm going to take the high row here.

No comment.

But you just posted this drawing of Josh Norman riding a buck to snail.

Are you saying he's...

I would never say that.

Dez, what about this drawing you just posted of Josh as a little tiny blanket?

Are you saying he can't cover you?

Your words, not mine.

Really?

Because it's literally signed by Des Bryant.

That is a commercial for what?

That is a commercial for a phone.

For a phone?

For a phone.

Buck toothed snail?

Buck toothed snail.

Right.

Okay.

Buck teeth shaming.

Right there.

Why on earth is it still in 2017

okay to equate an overbite with ignorance and being slow?

Why is it okay?

Yeah.

Because Because I think no one has.

Somehow,

the liberals have missed the whole bucktooth campaign, distracted between where Trannies are going to piss and fucking Trump and shootings and all this other shit.

So

their attention has been, maybe temporarily, hopefully,

distracted from the plight of those with the bucked teeth.

I thought that went out like

in the 40s.

Like people

thinking that people with overbites are stupid.

Why would you think that?

Like, didn't like three weeks ago, somebody called you a buck too fucked hard or something?

Who?

Somebody said that, right?

Where?

That was the whole thing.

We talked about it where you were.

Three weeks ago?

No, not three.

I'm exaggerating for the sake of humor.

But yeah, like it wasn't.

It was like within the past year, right?

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

So why would you think it went out in the 40s?

Well, I thought.

People are still having a great time with it.

It's acceptable.

Yeah.

It's encouraged.

Yeah, because that's all people have anymore.

You can't make fun of people for being transgender or fat.

Why would you want to?

That's all I want to do.

Is make fun of people for being transgender?

You don't give a fuck.

People with buckets.

You don't care at all, other people are transgender.

Why are you saying that?

Because

people with buck tea, that's all I have.

In fact, I would argue that you would be more inclined if all things were equal to make fun of someone for being bucktooted than they would transgender.

That may be, but in the moment.

But don't you feel that it's.

I'm trying to be shocking.

I'm trying to be

what's it called?

Controversial?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You saying bucktooth people should be protected and on devil's broadcasts.

I believe, though, that it's.

You don't even have buck teeth.

I don't know if you're a bad person.

Yes, I do.

Yes, I do.

You do not have

an overbite.

Let me tell you something.

I love a girl with an overbite.

I love it.

Yeah, there's something about an overbite.

Yeah, I really like it.

I don't think I've ever seen a girl with a sexy overbite.

There was a girl here yesterday, right?

I'd like to see it.

I'm not a pose.

There was a girl here yesterday with an overbite.

There's something about the way they smile that it's just so cute.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm telling you, man.

Shut up, cutie, looking at you, drinking you in.

Look at me.

Right now, we got a bullseye on our back.

Any more bike?

It's okay for people to come after us.

And

I'm getting fed up with it.

I don't think it's right.

I don't think that it should.

I think in 2017, I don't think it's cool to equate people with an overbite that they're stupid.

I agree.

Why wasn't snail enough?

Right.

Yeah, he's slow, but he's saying a snail.

What about Gap Tooth?

Snail.

You know, I.

Gap Tooth is still funny, right?

Oh, yeah.

I don't think anybody should be talking about anybody's dental appearance.

I don't think it's cool.

I mean, if we can't talk about

someone's weight anymore,

as we shouldn't, then for God's sake.

Publicly.

Yeah,

let's put an end to people talking about overbites because it's

common.

How many other examples do you have?

I'm looking at women with overbites.

I can't see it.

Yeah, right?

What'd you say?

It's demoralizing, and it's...

You hear that?

Well, have you considered

because you had braces as a kid.

Yeah, it didn't work.

That's not true.

Probably, like, you're.

But aren't those.

Didn't you tell me that those are implants?

Implants.

I already got them busted out, yeah.

So you got, you, you voluntarily got an overbite then.

No, they couldn't fix it.

I mean, that's

it.

Just put shorter teeth in, shorter.

Remember that Kerbier enthusiasm when the dentist purposely puts like oversized teeth in his mouth?

It's like these two big tombstones.

It's awesome.

That wouldn't change the teeth.

If it was an overbite, though, if those teeth were shorter, here you go, though.

But it would lessen the.

And then when BuckTooth is

that your jawline is not properly aligned.

Here's what you do, man, because I just did this.

You've heard of Invisalign.

Why should I have to do this, though?

Why can't people just be respectful and not say shit, though?

Why is it okay to attack people for their overbite?

I guess because people with good teeth don't want to see you parading around, you know.

Remind us about the underbelly of the dental profession.

Yeah, it's really, it's not fun to look at.

On a guy.

On a girl, I look all the time.

On a guy, yeah.

People are just like, oh, it's like when you see like a hunchback or

so now it's

equally hideous.

Fucking Igor.

Yeah, yeah, like people are like, why is he not ringing a bell?

Freddie Mergery has a hunch.

No, he has a huge.

No, he had an overbite.

You didn't notice that?

I don't see color, and I don't see overbites, Walt.

He's the most bulky motherfucker ever.

Yeah, but most people aren't like you, though.

I know.

Most people are.

Are rude, crude, and

want to,

like, and one just want to take shots just for the sake of taking shots and make someone feel shitty.

Yeah.

I know.

Who would do that?

I heard, I heard that the

Impractical Joker's tour, the show,

is so family-friendly and clean.

Since I saw it?

Since you saw it.

Oh, yeah.

Well, that was...

What's his name?

That was.

Oh, it's a new show.

I took your notes.

That was called.

I took your notes.

There's no more.

He must have taken your notes because my source tells me it should be called Impractical Wokers.

It's so woke.

That's true.

We're here to entertain the masses, man.

Yeah, give me an example of what have you taken out that would not fly.

Well, we have, in the new show, show, we have

we allow ourselves one curse each.

Okay.

What do you use?

You use cunt, right?

I say fuck at one point.

Okay, can I ask you this?

Do you at any point during the show

start accusing the audience of staring at your crotch?

Did you eliminate that?

In the new show, yes.

It's eliminated.

Not in the old show.

I like that.

I don't think that was proper.

My source was really disappointed that there were only two black jokes the entire time.

Were there even any black jokes?

Yeah.

This is what he says.

There were no black jokes in the new world.

Really?

What were the jokes?

He didn't say.

We didn't.

He said there were only two black jokes.

Oh.

All right.

They're not really black jokes.

They're not black jokes.

It's a true story.

I told about when I was eight.

This is the old show.

And I was robbed of a watermelon.

No.

The old show, which is we just heard

in the UK.

I tell a true story about how when I was at Hershey, Pennsylvania, I saw a security guard who was black, and I made the joke that he was a chocolate man.

My dad flipped out on me.

You used to tell that on stage?

Yeah.

How did that go over?

Well, no.

Nervous laughter?

No, no, no, no.

It's a cute story.

No, no, no, because it's...

As a child through the child's eyes.

Right, but we're making, we're pointing out how that's not.

Like, it's funny because my father instantly corrects me.

Okay.

And that's the punchline.

Never heard of white chocolate, you stupid fuck.

Well, that's what Joe.

Joe makes a white chocolate joke about.

Yeah, yeah.

There's instant turned about, and it's a true story.

So that's it.

And then Sal tells a story about him being a kid, and it's not really a black joke, but it's another.

He's robbed of Fred Kid.

There's a theme here.

Did you get rid of

that weird sequence where you guys are taking each other's shirts off and getting ready to kiss?

Well,

that's pre-show.

Yeah, that's like a ritual.

That's more like a ritual than part of a show.

I guess there's a free, like, no, there's a video.

Yeah, yeah.

He's dating a girl and he keeps seeing Joe.

That's not in the new show, no.

You got rid of that.

That's in the old show.

So I could take my girls to see the new

wholesome.

You can bring them to Madison Square Garden Wall, and you will be.

And I'll even cut out.

I'm still nervous.

I'll even cut out my fuck.

Unless fucking here, the chocolate man fucking blows their hair back, they should be okay.

No, that was the old show.

That was the show they saw.

Right, yeah.

There's nothing,

there's nothing who instituted this?

We did.

As a group, your guys came together and like, our show is too scandalous.

Well, based on your reaction,

she was like, who the fuck cut out my buck tooth jokes?

There's not a chance.

Holy ghost.

There's not a chance that

this conversation was.

It's 100%.

You know what Walt thinks?

Yeah, there's not a chance in it.

No, you made me think about what people who bring in their kids to the show are thinking, and

that changed

everything.

That lowered the age appropriateness of the show.

So you

took the word of a fucking giant prude and then tailored.

His money spends, man.

I want that prudent money.

No, it didn't.

He got in for free.

Wow.

Yeah, but

people like me.

Yeah, yeah.

The prude's got money.

I want that prude money.

The prude has money.

Yeah.

I want that prude money.

That's true.

Yeah.

He lives on the good side of town.

Yeah.

We still stay on the tickets 16 and over, but that's just to cover ourselves legally.

Okay.

It's really, you could.

Now, when you, when you sat the guys down and you were like, and you said, you guys,

this show is too raunchy.

What was your reaction?

I said I had heard from parents that they were uncomfortable with their kids, and we should, since families watch it together, do a stage show that stays in that spirit so people could come with their families.

What'd they say?

They agree?

Really?

There was no blowback?

There was no like.

Will we make more money?

Then fuck your legs newly.

That's why we're doing Madison Square Garden.

So, because of me.

Yeah, because of you.

I'm not kidding.

It's because of your reaction.

I never thought about it before.

Jokers took the final step by totally selling out because of you.

It's true.

I love it.

I love it.

It's awesome.

Did they know it's because of me?

I don't think so.

I didn't put it like that.

You're responsible for the vanillization of

the Jokers.

And now Wabzy walked away totally disappointed that there were only two black jokes.

No, no, Wobsey saw the old show.

Wobsey saw the show that Walt saw.

No, no, no.

Wait, this time around?

This time around, because we didn't do this show last time.

We did the new show, The Clean Show.

You did the clean show this time around?

In January.

Oh, in January.

Okay.

And then we went back with the old show.

So the old show had that few offensive things in it, too?

Yeah, that was the show that Walt saw.

Okay.

So

we've rewritten it.

And we're starting to write the next show, too.

Yeah.

With the same theme in mind?

With the same planet.

Oh, absolutely.

It's just a fucking white sheet of paper.

That's right.

You're right.

And Costello.

I never considered.

Those classics and going with the, you know.

I had assumed.

Before the mics went on, wasn't I chastised for bringing up Babe Ruth?

Not by me.

But those guys put on a production that was wholesome

and they made big fat coins violence at the government

like smacking each other around?

Yeah, I no one cares.

Like, if you guys want to do like an impromptu three Stooges bit on stage, people would love it.

They would love it.

And because nobody cares if you're playfully like knocking each other and poking each other in the eyes.

Sal would definitely care.

Sal would cares.

Wow.

I can't believe I have what an impact I've had.

Well, I mean, I've been working with you longer than I've been working with them at this point.

Yeah.

Walt knows what's best for me.

He's now the, you're the yoko of the fucking.

Guys are happy.

Nobody complains.

Nobody's upset.

Nobody's upset.

Jeez.

Wow.

That's something.

Yeah.

I didn't rub off on you at all, huh?

You did.

That was the last show.

That was the black jokes and the cock jokes.

All right, I want to hear my last

one.

Okay, so that one was

the tooth

Well, we have two rants so far.

No ruses.

Well, you got to figure out

which one was the real rant, though.

That one with the spray, the spray, the duration spray, that was just me being perplexed.

Got you, got you.

Okay.

I was so perplexed I couldn't get angry

or make it a ruse.

Got you.

You're just like, who can't last?

As long as they want it.

Can someone explain this commercial to me?

So we got GMC cars and we got Bucktooth Snail.

Yeah.

All right.

Pretentious GMC advertisement.

All right.

If a patient doesn't have time to clean between their teeth, I don't give them a lecture.

I give them options.

Gum brand for healthy gums.

Soft picks.

Proxy brush cleaners.

Blossers.

Dentist digenist recommended.

Healthy gums matter.

So two-thirds of the potential rants are about teeth.

Q picked up on it.

I know immediately he did.

I think someone at the table

doesn't know his current events or is so

caught up in a little Bowows drama.

He's a promat man that he doesn't realize what just occurred right there.

Can I hear it one more time?

Can I hear it one more time?

Somebody's appropriating something.

Oh, you didn't hear the appropriation?

I didn't.

It makes me unhappy, though.

Is somebody wearing a mini sombrero?

You're not won't.

Dude, this is why I won't.

I'll be enraged.

All right, hold on.

You're not constantly in fear of all times of a single person being offended in the country of millions.

Right.

Like saying one thing that someone may forget.

If a patient doesn't have time to clean between their teeth, I don't give them a lecture.

He doesn't have time?

I give them options.

Here's a gum brand for healthy gums.

Soft pics, proxy brush cleaners, flossers.

Dentist hygienist recommended.

Healthy gums matter.

I guess I'm not woke because I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with that?

What got appropriated?

Oh, cute.

Tell them.

What did we just hear right there that is really not okay?

If you go on to say that other things matter, you're taking away from the conversation about Black Lives Mattering.

Wow.

You guys are good.

You guys are woke as fuck.

What do you mean?

It's just a matter of just being

living in 2017.

Why are you saying healthy?

Why are you trying to hijack the fucking conversation, man?

Were you gums?

Maybe she's talking to Black Lives Matter, too, right?

No.

No?

You don't do that.

Only one thing matters in 2017.

And that's Black Lives?

That is correct, my friend.

So nothing else matters.

Well, it matters, but you

can't say it all.

Yeah, that particular phrase is off limits now.

That's it.

Don't try to appropriate or take it and turn it into some sort of fucking

campaign.

Don't walk around Disneyland with a fucking

Blue Lives Matter shirt on.

Don't do shit like that.

With your fucking healthy gums and shit.

They matter, everyone.

But I mean, I'm serious.

You don't use that slogan, which means so much to so many people, and fucking try to sell your product

using that slogan.

Yes, I think it's fucking ridiculous, but yes, I agree.

I mean, what's ridiculous?

I think it's ridiculous that that's the rule, but I do agree that

you're just setting yourself up for

one person to notice and fucking rant about it.

I'm saying you avoid trouble at all costs.

Right.

So just don't.

I just thought about a different fucking ending of that shit.

So you can't use the word matter anymore.

You can't say anything matters except for black lives?

At this point, they have taken that and made it their

people.

No, that organization has taken that and made it their rallying cry.

Don't take it and then try to put it into a fucking commercial.

Aren't they almost like, aren't they bordering on being domestic terrorists, though?

No.

No?

Oh, that's it.

No, we're talking about the dentist.

That's some sort of talking point that you're getting from.

White propaganda?

Yeah.

Okay.

I saw it on stormfront.org, so maybe that was it.

I don't know what any of this is.

I don't know.

It's like a Nazi sound.

I don't know.

Is Black Lives Matter movement still a force?

Oh, yeah.

It is?

Yeah.

But even, let's say.

They mostly just stop traffic now

and ignore black on black crime.

So now when you see

pretty much.

Don't listen to him.

Listen to me.

If you see that commercial, you're my only news source.

I'm on that shoulder bolts on the other one.

You're watching your television.

You're watching your programs that you guys love.

Your curbs.

Commercials.

Yes.

Yeah, because doesn't everyone do that?

And that comes on.

Do you notice it, or did you just notice it you think more because you're inclined to notice it?

Because I brought it up in this.

Probably, if I'm going to be honest, only inclined to notice it in this.

I'm disappointed in you.

I totally agree.

But you know what?

I'm also disappointed, but oddly, it's admirable that you admit it, though.

Yeah, thank you.

Because you're not perfect.

Nobody is.

Nobody is.

Only Mary Poppins.

You owe him money.

I've never seen you kiss balls like you have on this episode.

Just give it a minute.

Give it a minute.

It's crazy.

What are you talking about?

I changed his whole career.

I did.

It's all their careers.

Yeah.

You changed the course of history by being such a fag.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Well, we got another spot.

And we never found out which was the rant or roof.

Oh, yeah.

Let's share the spot, and then I'll reveal.

Okay.

Well, then you guys can also then weigh in what you think was the real rant.

Okay.

And which one were the two ruses?

All right.

Let's think about it, Q, while we're doing this ad.

Right.

Was it Gum Lives Matter?

Yeah.

Was it Gum Lives Matter?

I have my answer already.

Was it the Buck Tooth Snail?

Yeah.

Or was it

Good People?

It's not good enough just to be good anymore.

Right.

I already know what I think it is.

Okay.

We'll do the ad first.

Speaking of

this is kind of like, you know, this is like, you know, you keep fannies listening.

Right.

They're not going to fast forward or walk away from what they're doing.

They're definitely going to listen to this ad.

Who is it for?

Hopefully it's somebody who likes it.

Blue Apron.

Oh, I like them too.

Yeah, of course, man.

Why wouldn't you?

This October, they're celebrating five years by bringing back its top 20 recipes from throughout the past five years.

As picked by you, the Blue Apron Community.

Yeah, you're part of a community now.

I just joined a community.

Did you?

Yeah, my very first, very first online forum.

What's that?

Stormfront.org.

I don't know.

That's a Nazi thing I just brought up a few minutes ago.

No,

I don't want to.

That'd be an odd turn.

His avatars like him as the Baron phones up and shit.

No,

it was a forum about collected editions of comic books.

And you like signed up,

you put your glasses on, and you wrote your email.

Yeah, I wrote in, I signed, I got my name, and then I started communicating with the community.

To identify as Wolf Langer from the family?

No, I did not want to.

I want to be.

Because he's afraid he's going to get ripped off.

No, no, no.

It's not for sale.

This is just to be like to talk to other people who like.

Where do you find it?

Why don't you watch a show from the past fucking 40 years and I'll talk to you about that?

Right.

Is it Reddit or something?

No, it's not even Reddit.

It's called like

something.

And so like somebody will be like, did you read The Werewolf by Night omnibus?

Right.

And I can go in now.

And

I was a lurker for so long, I would be like, and then I finally was just like, I want to talk to these people.

Yeah.

Because I like what they're talking about.

It's cool.

And I've never done it before.

And it's the first time I've ever ventured into an online conversation.

And his first comment is like, do you guys have to curse so much?

No, you can get banned for cursing.

There's rules.

Yeah, there's definitely rules to this.

Because there's probably kids in there, I guess.

I don't know.

I mean, I don't think anybody's buying them as a kid.

This is something that, like, guys my age.

Yeah, but guys my age are the ones who are buying that stuff.

So, Blue Apron, those recipes are back for a limited time only.

They're all about giving people fresh recipes to explore.

If you try out their all-time customer favorites, you go to blueapron.com slash T-E-S-D.

I thought I had ADD.

Like two sentences, and you're like, you can't not say something.

Yeah, I was going to say, I was so excited to join.

The very first thing I posted, fucking gigantic spelling error.

Oh.

And it made me look stupid.

People were on there.

The grammar.

They were like, what does this mean?

Oh, really?

They were calling into,

they were making attention that, in fact,

I smelled.

I spelled something wrong.

What did you spell wrong?

Sounds very embracing.

Obmission.

Obmission.

Obmission.

I put OB mission.

Like obmission?

Yeah.

Okay.

So it was just like a

keystroke.

It wasn't like a mission.

I was just like, I'm going to do this.

I'm definitely definitely going to post my very first thing.

I'm going to hit send, girls.

She's hyperventilating and shit.

They're like, wait, wait.

You misspelled a common word.

Yeah, you can't pull it back.

Oh, you can't.

You can't edit.

Great reference.

You'll blow it.

You'll blow it.

And

when I hit send and I saw it there and I was looking at it like proudly

in my first post.

You destroyed your computer thinking it would go away.

I noticed, I was like, wow, that doesn't look right, that word.

And sure enough, like three posts down later, like, what's that word mean?

Knowing full well instead of just like

you weren't like,

why don't you pretend you're a foreigner?

Yeah, I've done that before.

It doesn't work out.

Well, you've tried it in real life.

I'm saying they maybe would work out better if they didn't know who you could see.

It would be like, he's clearly not a foreigner.

No, no, this isn't me.

You're IA.

That's why I came to you.

You can do whatever you want.

Remember, you came to me and said, you want want to be a cop?

I'm being a good hunter now.

I'm a hero.

I offered you some help.

I need to do it.

I need to do this for you.

Listen to me, you duff fuck.

I offered you a chance when we could have done something.

I offered you a chance to be a cop, and you blow it.

You blow it.

You blow it.

Fuck, he's good, man.

He's so great.

You duff fuck.

You blow it.

You blow it.

He comes back to eating a sandwich.

Blue Apron has established established partnerships with over, I don't think they have a community board.

Maybe they do.

I don't think so.

If they do, you could talk about seafood that's sourced sustainably, beef, chicken, and pork from responsibly raised animals.

That means something to you, Q, right?

Farms that produce regenerative farming.

I don't know what that means.

And it can be delivered to 99% of the continental United States.

Where's that 1%?

They're buzzwords.

Those are all just buzzwords.

Those are buzzwords for yuppies.

And

regenerative farming.

Yeah, they're like, yeah, like locally grown, like all that shit.

Those are buzzwords that make people fucking down the street or fucking the next state of them.

They feel better about eating meat.

Right.

That's why Ghost Puss doesn't fucking care, right?

He doesn't have to worry about it.

Why are you on Ghost Puss?

What happened?

Because he doesn't eat meat.

You say it with some.

You keep bringing him up.

Yeah, you say it with almost like...

Disdain?

Yeah.

No, I don't have any disdain for him.

Okay.

Yeah, I don't mean that.

It builds strong family bonds, which are good, but not as good as having a GMC.

Research shows that blue apron families cook nearly three times more often.

Oh my God, there's so much copy here.

Prompts for discussion.

How fucking long do you think we're going to talk about it?

I thought we were figuring out ways to get rid of ads.

30 seconds.

Okay.

Let's get this code out.

Let's go.

It's affordable.

$10.

People are lost their interest already.

They forgot about it.

Yes, I've left the seats.

Yeah.

Just give the code.

Make sure you give it.

Say the code right now.

The code is blueapron.com slash TESD.

What are you going to get?

$30 off your first meal with free shipping by going to blueapron.com slash T-ESD.

You're going to love how good it feels and tastes to create incredibly comfortable.

It's

pretty long, yeah.

Okay, so that's.

Did he wear the kilt?

That's pretty long.

No, he did tie a

flannel around him like a kilt, though.

Really?

Why do you think he didn't wear the kilt?

Doesn't have the legs hurt anymore?

Damns.

He

didn't seem like not having the body stopped him from dressing like he used to.

He's got like a dad body.

Yeah.

Axel does?

Yeah, and he's still wearing the tight shirts and stuff like that.

Dobb fucking looks like he's 20 years old.

Crazy.

He used drugs too, though, right?

I think.

I think everybody used drugs.

Does it boggle your mind that Keith Richards is still around and a guy like Tom Petty that was always before him?

Keith Richards is the Richards is fucking pickled, man.

That my mind went to.

There were other celebrities that I was like, why the fuck is this guy still around?

And Tom Petty's gone.

Yeah.

Tom Petty.

The thing about Tom Petty is this.

This is the thing about him.

This is the thing that really upset me.

Two things really upset me.

He was still putting out great fucking albums.

Every album he has put out has been great.

Almost every song and every album has been awesome.

And

he

walked me through

his albums

were almost,

it's not overly dramatic to say, were almost like a point in my life, a roadmap on how to live.

Like I would listen to his songs and be like, oh shit, this connects with me as art and music should.

And

this is verbalizing how I feel about this.

And this is how I feel about that.

And as I moved into new stages of my life, some of his older songs would take on new meaning and some of his new songs would take on new meanings.

They would just speak to me.

And I was like, man,

he was 66.

He could have walked me through

the later stages of your life?

Yeah.

He still can.

He still can, but

how much unreleased music you think will get put out there now?

A lot.

A lot, I hope, but it caps out at 66.

Right.

And I always wanted him ahead of me telling me what was going to come.

Nobody else did that for me.

I feel that way about NWA.

Yeah, nobody else did that for me.

You know what I mean?

I can't even relate to that because for me, it's like music is just like, oh, I like the beat of that song.

It doesn't connect to me on that kind of level.

It does what you do.

Most music doesn't, but some of them.

His did.

His did.

His harper.

When did you, at what age were you?

Pun intended?

No, no pun intended.

It was

full moon fever.

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.

Full Moon Fever, which came in 89.

So I was 12.

And what was the big song off that?

Oh, that was Free Fallen.

That was

everything you probably.

You were hit by the ball.

Everything that you know him.

That was his.

That was a big album.

But he was big in the 70s.

Oh, sure, yeah, yeah.

But that was the age where it hit me.

And his song.

Sure, American Girl was fucking in the 70s.

Yeah.

So, but that was the album that hit me.

And then.

Did you ever meet him?

No.

You probably could have, too.

I wanted.

I tried.

I wanted to.

And everybody that ever met him that I know said that he was one of the few that

you would not have been disappointed in meeting him.

You know what I mean?

Like, he was a nice guy.

He was generous with his time.

He was.

He was good.

You fucked up.

You blew it.

I blew it.

So,

is there any other artist that not on that level, but you could be like, well, now I'll have to look to them to guide me through these stages of it.

It sounds like it's you.

Yeah, you might be closer.

Well, I have written a couple songs.

I sell comics, and

that song I wrote to Debbie, my wife.

I forgot about that one.

I got two hits under my belt.

Yeah.

No, I don't think so.

I don't think so.

I think the other one would have been

Thomas Thompson.

Okay.

All right.

So

I had a loss.

I did.

I had a real loss.

I had a loss that hit me so hard that I felt a little gay for feeling as upset as I did.

Don't ever feel that way.

Don't ever diminish or feminize your feelings.

Yeah.

That's it.

Is by saying gay is feminizing it?

Yeah.

Why, gays are, like, looked at as girls?

No, but you know what I mean?

Who's woke now, motherfuckers?

I got the 80s center.

Oh, okay.

All right, all right.

I'll be like, yeah, don't ever worry.

Like, you know,

like, it would have been awesome if you just like, you know.

Yeah, it's pretty.

Did you write

something like, I'm sure there's got to be tributes up to Wazoo coming up.

I don't like writing things publicly.

I did because every night I write in a journal.

Oh, really?

Every night.

Without fail?

Without fail.

Even when you're shit-faced?

Well, I'm not really.

I never

just cruise.

I've seen his journals.

It's mostly.

Yeah.

Rudely drawn pictures of him and Tom Petty in 69.

And all the other heartbreakers have

knives in their eyes because he's killed them all so he can spend the rest of his life with Tom Petty.

I'm playing every instrument.

No, if I get shit-faced, I'll write the next day for

it.

And usually it's a paragraph, and there was like a fucking page and a half about it.

Basically, saying what I just told you now.

Has any other human being read any of those journals?

No.

Would you ever

want them published upon your death?

No, I'll burn them before I die.

Your memoirs?

Yeah.

They're not memoirs.

Dude, people would pay big bucks to hear it.

Yeah.

To read that shit.

To read about you crying over guys.

They probably would.

I would probably, like, the ones in recent years wouldn't mind people.

How many journals are there?

Oh, Jesus.

Sal does it too, right?

No, Sal doesn't really do it.

God, I mean, it's got to be like.

I would not be surprised if the number was like 40, 40.

Where are they kept?

They're in a safe.

They're in a safe, yeah.

Should I start doing that?

It's interesting because you can go back and just start right now.

It's never too late.

Like, you can go back and, like, I could tell you exactly what I was doing on a certain day

and what was going on.

Should I start doing it and we could read

on the show?

Yeah, I would.

I would, the one that I have now.

Dear Diary lasted all night again.

What a pain.

I would feel comfortable with any single one of my entries now being read.

Now?

Two years ago?

Oh, it's

a little bit more.

A little anger.

A little angrier, a little more emotional.

Whereas now it's like a little more factual.

We should do

a show

where we just bring, we do this.

We write a journal

for

a year.

Yeah.

And then just bring in one volume of it and then just have that person just randomly pick a page and read an entry.

entry.

I would do that.

I'm done.

I'm going to start writing my journal.

I got to go get a first journal.

Where do I get a journal at?

I'll do two.

I mean, any, I have a notebook, like a Marvel notebook.

It doesn't have to be something with a moleskin right there.

Whatever, it's whatever.

I do have the one I have now is a moleskin.

It's interesting, you just picked that out of nowhere.

Oh, no, that was a shot.

That was a shot that I did.

I've been waiting eight years to fucking bring up Moleskin.

He's like, now's my chance.

Instantaneously, that was like a jab.

Didn't even look at him.

But

I knew it was going to connect.

You should have seen me, Deb.

I was on fire.

I made fun of his moleskin and not being able to get a bonus since he was nine.

It was genius.

Plus, the impractical joker, I'm pretty much their guru now.

Well, that's right.

We should do that, though.

I'll definitely do it.

All right, so

what's to do?

It's going to be 365, like, fucked it up.

That's my only entry to read that.

Or we could do it,

make it more interesting.

Let's not wait a year.

Let's just do it once a month, like Overkill.

Just bring a journal in, just grab a day, and we'll read each other's.

Like,

I'll hand you mine.

You got to write real entries.

You can't write it.

Immediately, I'm like, I should just write 30 fucked up things.

No matter what.

What does it entail?

Like, what's a normal entry?

Well, this is what I'm saying.

Nowadays, it's basically, it can be one line.

Like, there's no rule.

There's no rules, but normally it's a paragraph.

It's just like today, did this, did this, three feelings on the highlights, and moving on.

Some back when my 20s, each day was like a page of fucking like literally written fucking angry shit.

It's like right through the page, like ripped and shit.

I got really drunk one time and burned a bunch of them for my 20s.

Holy shit, I remember you.

I remember you telling me that, yeah.

Yeah, I still have one in my safe right now that's half like the pages of the chart and shit like that, but I did have a that's the one to read from.

If you found out somebody went in and looked at them, how

angry would you be?

And could you forgive them?

Would it be

a total invasion of your privacy?

You feel like I would take it as a total invasion of my privacy.

I've been in relationships where people have read it and

you left it out of the safe?

Yeah.

If I go back to why it didn't work, it was that moment.

It was that moment.

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's not cool.

He's like, why are you writing so much about Tom Petty?

It's over.

So

will there be redacted pages when we do it once a week that you will not allow us to read?

Which I think is fair.

You definitely should.

Because

you're going to hit some emotional moments.

You're like, I don't want that read aloud, guys.

Well, no, no, nothing like that.

It just might be like personal family stuff that I might not want.

But worthy of being redacted.

Yeah, but tone and my own embarrassment.

I figure the more embarrassment I am, the better.

You know what I mean?

So that would have bothered me.

I'll bring this year's journaling and we could be good.

So, how about I write

because next week's the Halloween show?

How about

the next time we do a regular recording?

Yeah.

I'll bring in what I've written every day so far.

I'll bring in my 2017 journal.

Okay.

And you'll do it too?

Sure.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah.

I'd probably have a moleskin or two sitting around.

Oh, yeah.

Or two.

At one point, I think you were spending more on pens,

pencils, and moleskin journals than.

You can do what I want to.

You could go back to my journals from the 20s and find pages that are embarrassing, but

not, you know.

We don't want to.

We don't

see.

Yes, we do.

That are embarrassing, but not like, you know.

Not what?

Not overly angry.

You're worried about coming across as angry.

No,

I don't know what I'm afraid of.

I know that those would be hard to.

You wouldn't want to hear someone read them aloud, your thoughts?

Some of those early ones, yeah.

A lot of them.

Well, can I read it in my Q-voice?

Yeah, you can.

You can.

A lot of them, like, some of them are like just fucking four days of suicide notes.

It's not like fun stuff, you know what I mean?

It's like, yeah,

people would be helped by that, though.

Yeah.

People would be, like, I think could be like, you know,

it could be

therapeutic for someone to hear stuff like that.

Yeah.

From what I've heard from the emails that I've gotten from people.

Well, that's what I'm wrong.

I mean, I just anticipate I'm going to get ripped apart, which I'm fine with.

I'm a little bit more than you.

By you, by us?

Well, yeah.

And then also.

Well, yeah.

That was sad.

That happened around a lot.

Oh.

I mean, you're right, but it still doesn't make any difference.

I'll bring 2017.

All right.

So by that time, we record a regular episode, it'll be about two weeks of stuff.

Okay.

Yeah.

All right.

There you go.

All right.

So back to back to the ruses and rants.

Yeah, that was included.

My blue apron shit was too long.

And this episode.

What do do you think, Brian?

Which one was the rant, and which two were the ruses?

I'm going to say that you don't feel strongly enough about BuckTeeth that

the telephone, the cell phone one would have to be.

The galaxy notes where the guy was like, you drew a bucktooth

snail.

I don't think that would raise your ire enough.

The appropriation shit,

I can't fucking believe that

you were like, hey, that's not cool.

That you would see it, but that you were like, I know.

He saw it immediately.

He immediately saw it.

And even after two viewings, I'm like, what?

Well, I think that says more about you.

Maybe.

And you're in

your current

state of stagnation.

Right.

Well, get used to it if you're going to be my friend for the rest of my life, because it will always be like that.

I'm never going to come in and be like, so I saw this commercial, right?

I was so mad.

But you get mad about a lot of stuff.

Oh, stupid stuff.

Insignificant consequential stuff.

You get mad.

Shit.

That doesn't matter.

Yeah, you get mad.

And I wonder if it's

maybe...

I don't want it to get too personal, but could it be you need

love?

Like, there's like a strong feeling.

No, you need to fall.

Like, I think if you were in love,

I don't think you'd be as angry and find those things bothering you so much.

Right.

Well, I'm not the one who brought in Rants and Ruses this week, but

you have a history of

some real rants.

Some real rants that

have caused some listeners to be like, bye-bye.

Hey,

if you can't handle

what I'm cooking.

I know, no, I know my rants tonight.

I don't care what was said on my rants and ruses.

No one's been like, I can't listen to Telman Steve Dave anymore.

Right, what the fuck?

What caught shit?

Somebody was like, we talked about the shootings

in Vegas.

And somebody's like, when did it turn into the Tolman Steve Dave News Hour?

I'm like, motherfucker, it happened the day before the biggest mass shooting in U.S.

history.

And we're not going to mention it.

Fuck off then.

That is pretty big.

That's an unrealistic expectation to not talk about that.

Right.

But okay, so back to my.

You don't think it's the Galaxy Note commercial?

I don't think it's that one.

I think that just caught your ear because you're like, oh,

I can bring this.

I can call this back.

The last one, the good gums matter, which they do.

Healthy gums matter.

Healthy gums matter, which they do.

I don't see that as a slam against Black Lives Matter as much as like avoid gingivitis.

So

that seems to be a stretch where the first one, I feel like, it's actually legitimate, where

it's not even...

subliminal.

They're telling you, like, even if you're like, it's almost like Glenn Gary Glenn Ross.

It's like, good father, fuck you, go play with your kids.

Like, like, all that shit doesn't matter.

What matters is what kind of salesman you are.

Right.

And that's what I think is at play here: is that it doesn't matter how good of a person, how good of a friend, father, mom, whatever.

If you want to up your game, you're going to need to, and you want to fucking get your girl's heart thumping and shit.

You got to drive one of these fucking anonymous SUVs that really, like, cars do not have personality today.

Like, you want personality in cars go back to the 70s.

Or a Wrangler.

Or a fucking Wrangler.

Yeah.

It's a whole want to talk community.

People won't stop fucking waving at me.

It's so irritating, man.

It's like, I did not sign on for this.

Stop waving.

Because you

either go to wave and they don't wave and you're like, I'm an asshole.

I was talking to Reese about this at New York Comic-Con.

Reese.

Yeah, the guy from Pop that you met and was cool to you.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

He didn't get back to me.

I sent him an email with all those photos.

Oh, really?

He did get back to me.

Yes.

I'm sorry.

He did get back to me.

He said he's going to look into it.

Okay.

And yeah, it's like a whole thing because then you feel like insecure because they didn't wave back.

But if they wave to you and you don't wave to them, you're like, well, then I'm making them feel like I feel when somebody doesn't wave to me.

It's a lot of pressure, man, driving this fucking car around.

It's really not.

I always like to pretend I'm looking away to the other side or messing with the radio.

I've crashed three times.

All right.

So I'm going to say it's the first one.

I'm going to say it's the last one.

You know,

it's just not good enough to be a a good father or a good person or a good friend.

I got to agree with Brian.

I think Bucktooth just hit your radar because of the comedy aspect.

I think the matters thing is just like

no sane person would really get that much sane office.

So I'm going to go ahead and say the car one

is a sign of actual ills in society.

The first one.

The first one.

All right.

I will reveal the first ruse.

I don't know if Declan's up to putting a drum roll in.

I don't know how he's dealing with it.

There's a hurricane bearing down on us.

What do you think?

My knees are resting out.

I can't move.

I know Ophelia is battering the Irish shore.

I got out of Dublin the last flight before they closed the airport.

Really?

Yeah.

I'm going to sit there on the beach like it's deep impact with my cat.

So drum roll, maybe there's a drum roll here.

We don't know.

Maybe he's swamped.

Who knows.

First ruse would be healthy gums matter.

I heard it.

I heard it when I first heard it, and it was like 2 o'clock in the morning.

I'm sitting there laying in bed with the dogs, and my ears perked up, but I wasn't ranting about it.

I said, that's weird that they would use that phrase.

That's as far as it got.

I remembered it, put it in the memory bank for when I would hear a couple more to get my dander up.

Right.

Okay.

Okay.

The second ruse, which will.

Oh, Declan, I'll do it.

Which will, in fact, reveal the real rant

was

the car commercial.

So you were mad at the buck teeth, huh?

I was mad at the buck teeth.

I remember, like, I saw it, and I remember getting angry and telling my wife that I was like, oh, look at me!

I was like, that's so fucking horrible that they're still using that stereotype that people with overbites are stupid and slow.

Right.

Yeah.

I mean, it's so solid, though.

I mean, it worked for Hee Hawk.

Think about it.

It worked Rick and Morty.

Remember the Doofus Rick.

The Doofus Rick had an overbite.

Yeah.

It's not cool.

Maybe Justin's not that low.

I'm going to have to text him.

Hold on a second.

Yeah, see, make him answer for himself right now.

Yeah, I really don't believe it's cool to

use that stereotype.

It doesn't make people feel good who have overbites.

I wish people would be a bit more sensitive.

You know who

He's got a fucking ball hair cut in one teeth.

Yellow buck teeth.

You know what?

It's funny.

It's not funny.

It's funny for you because

you're fucking BQ, fucking everyone's darling.

Right.

Well, especially yours.

But yeah, that was it.

And I wish that maybe now with some

shining a light on it, and maybe now people will.

That plus my attraction to girls with overbites, man.

This has been a fucking solid like bucket.

You know what we need?

We need a pro-Bucktooth episode.

We need a Miss T E S T Miss Overbite.

Miss Overbite.

TE St.

That's what we need.

All right.

If you have

an overbite.

Sexy overbite.

If you've got a cute overbite.

But it's easy to fake an overbite.

No, no.

Yes, it is.

You just got to be like,

Call him T, Dave.

They can't do that.

Don't appropriate an overbite.

when nothing is

all you got.

everything

isn't far away.

Sun or rain, it doesn't matter.

It's a brand new day

when there's nothing upon your shoulder.

It's easy

to take

on the world.

So,

what are you waiting for?

And over

time,

everything

is broken down.

And I know

this whole world is yours to shape as you like.

Know that everything

is all about you.

This whole world is yours to shape as you like.

Know that everything

is all about you.

About you.

Consequences

of your

actions.

Build on the view

of the world.

What is more

real

because

and effects?

You got the whole world in your hands.

For what is God, but another word

for I.

And now I am life's greater all worlds.

And over

time,

everything

is broken down.

And I know

this whole world is yours to shape as you like.

But know that everything

is not about you.

This whole world is yours to shape

as you like.

But know that everything is not about you,

about

you.

This whole world is yours to shape as you like.

I know that everything

is all about you.

This old world is yours to shape as you like.

Know that everything

is all about you,

about you.

This whole world is yours to shape as you like.

Know that everything

is not about you.

This whole world is yours to shape as you like.

But know that everything

is not about you,

about

you.

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