#349: Down Mexico Way

Stop trying to act like you care if you care to do.

Fucking asshole.

I want to finish this.

I don't want to be in here no more.

I don't want to hear.

I want to, I'm done.

If you had to put it like somebody has a gun to sage's head.

Tell them, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

We're back.

Do you feel recharged, Walt, now that the TV season is over, we can get back in the saddle and

do Tell'em Steve Dave on the rig?

I do.

I do feel like

refreshed.

Yeah.

Ready to tackle the last quarter of

the year.

So, yeah, let's go.

Let's do it.

Let's do it.

Let's tackle that shit.

Let's go.

Cue your schedule.

Put it in a headline.

Schedule is cleared for what?

Not right now?

I go back to work on Monday, so yeah.

Yeah, you've had some time off.

Yeah, I mean, that's a fucking hell of a term, but I haven't been shooting.

That's for sure.

You have not been shooting.

No.

Doing other shit.

No.

Back to work.

For my last contractually obligated season of Impractical Jokers.

And then you're what?

Is it like a free agent?

Free agent.

We could stop.

We can go.

We can do whatever we want.

Do you guys decide everything as a team?

You get together beforehand and you're like, here's

we're all free agents.

Yeah.

You can field offers from like Network, ABC,

NBC.

Yeah.

I don't want to, but I could.

They won't fuss my hand.

I don't want to go anywhere.

You are like.

If I'm on TV, I'm on True TV, Walt.

You're like

an athlete in the prime of his life

being a free agent.

Everybody comes to your door

when the free agency starts.

They come knocking and they back up the Brinks truck, baby.

And they say, sign on the dotted line.

You could sign like a 15-year contract.

Oh, God.

I was thinking like maybe two more years.

What's the number?

What's the number if they're like, look, we heard you're a free agent?

Who's that?

They come courting.

You know, Hollywood.

Hollywood comes courting.

Hollywood comes courting.

They got a number.

They're like, look, Bravo.

Bravo.

And what do they want me to do?

We can't do a brand new show.

Oh, they own the free show.

Oh, okay.

We could do a version.

We can do a hidden camera show.

We have ideas already for variations of it, if it would come to that.

Oh, wow.

That are legally different enough to do it.

Plan B's.

Yeah, we got plan B's and C's.

We don't want to do them, but we have them.

At what point does the free agency begin?

In hockey, it's July 1st.

When is it?

When is it?

We owe 26 episodes.

Is there like a date when you're done?

I would say August next year.

Oh, okay.

So you've still got another year.

Oh, I shoot a whole season.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right.

All right.

So you got a while.

So you don't get injured.

That's the first thing.

Right.

That's what free agencies, when they're going into free agency, that's what athletes are terrified of getting a cat catastrophic injury and not being able to sign with like some big, you know, some big paycheck.

I wish.

I hope I don't get injured, Walt.

I'm keeping myself healthy.

You should have kept that

the encephalitis.

Is that what that was?

Yeah, yeah.

Might have wanted to keep that on the s on the downside, though, so now they might use that in negotiations against you.

If that flares up, they should have an out.

They'll use that as an out, you know.

Like a medical clause they can put in there, though.

Yeah, they're like, what if halfway through the season he goes half retarded?

You can't use him anymore.

Yeah.

And let the suits are, you know, then his agents are like, you know what?

He might be funnier.

Right.

Before, we were just laughing towards him.

Now we'd be laughing directly at him.

Yeah.

You never know.

Things can get real silly if the brain damage gets severe enough.

Yeah, we've never had that conversation.

We've never come up with a plan B for comic book, man.

Yeah, there's no plan B, C, O, or

D through Z.

Yeah, my plan B is counterfeiting food stamps.

Sounds good to me.

I had thought, like, I don't know, man, maybe it's just me, but you would think, like, after,

you know, you guys just finished season seven.

Yeah.

We're starting season seven.

You would think after seven seasons of a television show, you'd be able to ride off into the sunset and, like, I've made enough money.

I've been on, I've, I've entertained the world for seven years.

Um, if you have a few bucks for gas, I can ride out into the sunset.

But it's not, it's just not the case, huh?

I may be able, I can't even afford, uh, what's that called when you call those car services?

What's that called?

Over into the sunset.

It can't have been a free.

I don't know what it is.

Yeah, but I mean, it's, you know, it's different.

It's basic cable, and it's a show that, like,

you know,

99% of the audience that watches the show before us, you know, turns off.

Yeah.

It's also basically like the Snapchat of TV shows, where if you don't see it the first time, it disappears and it's never to be seen again.

It's more elusive than Bigfoot.

It's on Netflix.

No, it's not.

Oh, it's gone?

No.

It's been gone for a while.

Oh, shit.

No one can figure out why it's not on any streaming service.

I could figure it out.

Well, I think it's figuring it out.

I think they said that AMC is trying to develop their own streaming because all these, like, all networks are trying to develop their own streaming, so I think they're keeping it in-house.

But I don't know.

Was the Walking Dead stream on other

services?

It does, right?

It does, but probably because they get way more money.

Right.

People would be like, right.

But the fact that

whatever money, whatever value they've put on Comic Book Men as, like, well, you want to stream Comic Book Men, it costs this much.

People are just like, see ya.

Right.

Yeah.

They can ride an elephant to the concept for all that care.

We had the big rap party last night, Q.

Oh, I had a go.

Oh, fantastic.

Get him was there.

Who?

Get him.

Oh, why?

Mike Zapsic?

I don't know.

He's part of the.

I'm only kidding.

I'm only kidding.

He's a cog, a vital one.

You pull that cog out.

You pull the get him cog.

And there's no one to make noise when we're trying to shoot.

Like people drying those fucking plastic bags onto the books and shit, shrink right out.

Shrink right out.

There's no one that can do that

when we're filming.

And he could do it

like seven hours out of the day, he could do it, but he chooses to do it.

Camera's up.

Like, get him.

Attention at any cost.

It is crazy, too, like, how,

even at the end of seven seasons, like

there's always supposed to be someone guarding the door while we're shooting, so no one walks in and makes noise.

The very last day, like,

the field producer, like, walks in when we're shooting.

It's just so weird.

It's a very...

It's beyond casual.

Yeah, and I like that.

You wouldn't want it.

I don't think you could handle a fucking high-stress

product.

Well, it wouldn't be stressful for me.

It'd be stressful for everyone else.

I don't know.

Would you want to be everybody on pins and needles?

That's no way to conduct business.

Well, no, like second season, that was the most stressful season.

And like, nobody was having fun.

Like,

you don't want to go see people going Christian bail on everybody, do you?

I kind of do.

Maybe I do.

Is it you?

Mike or Ming going Christian bail on

people.

Like yelling at one of the camera guys.

Yeah, that's screaming in JB's face.

That would not be cool.

Not cool at all.

I would be horrified.

Like, wouldn't you feel the need to sort of step in and be like, dude, what the fuck?

I mean, it's tough.

Or would you let it?

Because JB can't really protect himself.

Why?

In what way?

Like, he just has to take it, basically.

Because if he starts yelling back,

he does.

Like, if Mike or Ming make a big enough stink, and then let's say it's Ming.

Okay.

Let's just say it's Mike.

Wait, it's Ming?

It's Ming.

Okay, so it's Ming.

And he's like, get out of my eyeline, dumb piece of shit.

No, like, let's say he's happy.

He's yelling at JB

for doing something that threw him off.

I think it's so casual here that, like,

people think he was fucking around.

Yeah, I don't think it's possible.

Yeah, I don't think, I think he gets, I think he could be steaming, and people would be like,

No idea.

Like, even the PAs would be laughing at his ass.

It is casual.

I was talking to a few people last night, you know, on the on the crew, and they're like,

there is no other set out there that is like this.

That is basically a summer camp where people come, they live by the ocean, they make a TV show in the most relaxed atmosphere known to man.

Like, TV schools, yeah, they like it.

That's good, man.

It's what you want.

So, we wrapped it up.

Big pool party, Walt Flanagan.

Everyone was waiting for him to show up, but no show.

I thought you were going to say it was at his house.

I was like, whoa, whoa.

Oh, at Walt's house?

Yeah,

you know, I'm not the

party in me.

It's like, that's my kryptonite.

Party?

Parties.

You know, I can't go near my kryptonite.

That's true.

You got a lot of kryptonite.

Awful lot of stuff.

Well, Superman had a lot of kryptonite.

Sure.

Red, green, cat.

I mean, he had fucking a shitload of kryptonite.

I wasn't aware you were Superman now.

No, I've been educated.

All right.

What else happened this week?

We roasted O'Halloran.

Yeah.

You didn't go there either.

You don't like roasts.

No.

If there are roasts, I swore off roasts.

That was really uncomfortable for me, really awkward.

Really like it was,

I was terrified.

It was, you know, people were going to be hurt forever.

Like

long-lasting

wounds that would never heal.

It didn't happen?

It didn't happen, but it was getting close.

It was getting close to the edge there where there was things that were going to be, that were

being said that were

your top choice for if you're going to put someone on Suicide Watch after that?

Who would you have

well?

I don't know.

I think Suicide Watch is a bit much.

I don't know if there's anybody in that room that would be brought to the edge of taking their own life after that.

But I mean, just being resentful afterwards and never really

thinking about that person the same way again.

That's what I like.

I'm not interested in that sort of stuff.

Yeah, I don't like that.

You're afraid you'd say the wrong thing.

But you don't seem to care if anyone likes you at all.

That you would want to roast people just to do that.

I figured out, Q, I know why I don't watch all the current TV.

Why is that?

I figured it out.

It's because I subconsciously, I don't watch anything that anybody's into because if I watch it and say I watch it, I'll have to talk about it with people.

Okay, except you don't have to tell them yourself.

You don't have to.

It might poke a hole in your theory.

Because I hear how good it is, but I'm like, you know what?

If I watch it, I can't lie to my friends, though.

I don't want to lie to people.

I'm not a liar, though.

Your crew friends?

No, even you guys.

And then we would be talking about it all the time.

Not necessarily.

who's but you you you talk about hockey you like to talk about sports and shit not with you guys though but you guys don't know anything oh yeah like we're like oh what will you talk about sports with us we don't want to fucking talk about it with you either just so you know

but no i'm saying you like to talk about that stuff but like a tv show for whatever reason unless it's fucking four in the morning when you're talking to giddam about colombo

you don't want to talk about tv it's too bad bojack just started have you seen any of it i watched the first two i watched the first three.

What was your feeling?

So far, great, man.

You don't think a little slow out of the gate?

No, because it's just, he's just

never going to be happy.

So, so, like, watching that,

you know, I'm fine with it.

You loved the second episode where you found out where he was.

Oh, yeah.

I was like, this is fucking great.

He, uh, Bojack Horseman is a cartoon.

The anime show, yeah.

Yeah, they were the pops here.

Yeah.

Is he wearing a horse's head?

No, he's a weirdo.

They live in a world with animals that kind of like

I'm not invested in

what's his buddy's name?

Oh, Todd.

Todd.

The whole asexual thing, it's like, I'm like, I don't care.

Well, they're hitting it hard.

Yeah, so I was like, I don't really care.

Like, I don't.

Yeah, what does it matter?

What does it matter?

Yeah, but who knows?

I mean, they have my complete faith that it'll go somewhere.

Oh, I wish I watched it.

Yeah, because then you could talk about it, right?

Yeah.

You don't know what you're missing until we tell you.

Regardless if you want to hear it or not.

Oh, yeah.

So the Brian O'Halloran roast, which I got to be honest, like I thought.

You gave me good reviews.

It was pretty good.

Most of it was pretty good.

But I thought, like, the way Ming was talking about it, there were only like 20 tickets sold.

So when I went there, I thought, you know, there would be hardly anyone in the room.

I didn't write that much.

I wrote like one line for each person and then like a little bit more for O'Halloran.

But there were like 150 people in that room when I got there.

Ah, it's a good crowd.

Yeah.

But there were so many people on the dais that like the shorter

bits worked, I think.

Wait, there weren't 150 people on the dais.

No.

That was amazing.

No, there were probably like, I think, 12

or 10 or something like that.

But I won't lie, O'Halloran went on forever.

At the end, it was fucking crazy.

Because he's drinking the whole time.

Right.

So by the end, and it was like fucking one in the morning.

Did anybody get brutal?

Did anybody get like Aris?

Vicious?

No, I don't think so.

I mean, there were a couple things that were.

Whose was more vicious?

Q's or Helerns?

Oh, Q's by far.

Q's is more vicious.

Oh, yeah.

It would be hard to get much more vicious than that.

Yeah,

Q's is way more vicious.

But it was all right.

It was fun to do.

I wasn't exactly

sober at the time.

I figured I'd try it, you know.

Right.

I have to learn to talk into a mic, though.

After all this time, I'll still, like, I'll turn my head and then people can't hear me.

Yeah.

You've got to practice it.

You've got to be professional, brother.

I wasn't professional.

No.

You can't do that if you're all hopped up.

I was hopped up and hept on going goofballs and shit.

Yeah.

There's no way to be professional when you're hopped up.

Yeah, well.

It was still a lot funnier than the other fucking douchebags sitting next to me.

Hey, did you guys see it?

Anybody see it?

Did not go see it.

Yeah.

No.

I really want to see it.

Yeah, me too.

Did you see The Gunslinger?

I did.

Dark Tower?

Yeah.

Yeah, I was not.

That's not what I wanted it to be.

That's disappointing.

I knew you loved it.

It's like somebody read

a synopsis of the books and then wrote fan fiction about it.

It was nothing.

Nothing redeeming?

The actors?

Well, I was like, well,

Matthew McConaughey was fine.

He was good.

I liked him.

The guy who played Roland Idris Alba, who I like, everybody was like praising his performance, but I was like,

he was so stoic.

There was nothing.

And I like him.

And I was like, and he was just like, there was no emotion at any point in it, which I guess is what the character is like.

Now,

the trailer,

correct me if it...

Not that if I'm wrong, pretty much I'm going to think I'm right, but did it follow the book?

Because was the book about a kid who

went into another dimension and brought back

a killer into his world?

Oh, no, that's what I'm saying.

So there's elements of that that happens at various points in the book.

The whole story was told from the kids' point of view, which is not how it is in the books.

It's the gunslinger and his thing.

Was that a mistake then to

go through the kids' point of view?

Yeah, because you're like

a whiny kid.

The kid was fine.

Did the kid a kid save the day at the end of the day?

Oh, I mean, there's a little bit of that.

Oh, you're kidding me.

Yeah, there's a little bit of that.

At this, still, in 2017,

Hollywood still thinks we haven't fucking seen that enough?

Well, like, spoiler kids, at the end of the book, like, the gunsinger lets the kid early.

I can't believe that.

Like, we should boycott Hollywood until they stop putting kids in

places where they save the day.

I want to go through history.

I want to find one point in history where a kid actually saved the day.

Joan of Arc?

Was she a kid?

Like 17, right?

I'm talking about like a precocious,

like Lost World where that kid flips around and hits the Velociraptor.

Or the first one where he gets like 9 million volts of electricity and him flies off the fence and then it's like,

I mean, right now,

he's like, I can hack this.

I'm a hacker.

Right now, the only kid I can think of is the little Dutch boy who put his finger in the fucking dam who saved the day.

That's it.

Right.

And that's subject to fucking historical accuracy.

Cooper's more of a hero than any of these kids.

Yeah, my dog is definitely more of a hero than

that kid just had fat fingers.

Yeah, they're like, where's the fattest fingered motherfucker in this whole fucking village?

I bet you some adult grabbed that fucking fattest kid he could find and stuck his finger in there, and the kid took all the credit.

Yeah, and probably lost a finger while he was at it.

So

you got to give him at least a little credit.

Yeah,

they changed it.

The kid dies at the end of the first book.

Is it going to be supposed to be a series of books?

Oh, yes.

I mean, a series of movies, rather?

Yeah, but the end of it is like, all right, so the way the first book ends is the kid dies, and Roland catches up with the man in black, and then like just depressing shit happens, and he wakes up 40 years later on a beach.

Like, that's the end of the book, which admittedly is hard to put into, like, the end of the movie that way.

But this movie ends with the kid and the gunslinger, like, walking down a New York street eating a hot dog, like, being like, what are we going to do?

Save, save the next day?

And, like, they're, like, strutting when they walk, and the gunslinger's smiling.

It's so like, it's so.

It sounds like an 80s movie.

Dude, it's perfect description.

They just like goofing around as they walk off to like into another world.

And I'm like, The Last Action Hero is fucking more realistic than that.

Yeah, it was not a good.

I don't think you're going to see a gunslinger.

So you don't think they'll make the, it's not going to be the franchise they thought it was going to be.

I had to call it, I would say it is not going to be the franchise they had hoped for.

And how long do you think it'll be before Hollywood will re

will take another shot at it then?

Well, in this day and age, I mean, that could be within the next 10 years, maybe.

But it just made a ton of money.

It did make a ton of money.

A ton of money.

So they're high on Stephen King.

Oh, you mean it just made.

Oh, okay.

Dark Tower did okay.

Dark Tower underperformed, but whatever.

But the movie, it

had a huge opening.

Nice.

And people are happy about Stephen King again.

So maybe they'll be like, hey, we could take another shot at this.

They can even do a second one, and but they got to fix it.

They got to get it bad taste.

Like I said, I think you like you said, it may take 10 years.

I think you need 10 years to take the bad taste out of everyone's mouth.

My God, even if you fixed it, people have such preconceived notions that they're like, Fuck this.

Yeah, but if it came out and people are like, Holy shit, like this is awesome, they fixed it, I think that they could get the audience back.

They won't.

I don't, yeah, it's tough.

I mean, not in this day and age where like everything is so

so like dependent upon public opinion, though.

Yeah,

Walt,

I'm going to speak your language here for a second.

Football.

You don't watch football, do you?

No.

Is one of our old sponsors back?

Is football's back?

Football's back, which means FanDuel is back.

Oh, FanDuel.

The wait is nearly over.

Yeah,

I watched the opening Thursday night game.

Yeah.

It was fun.

Football was back.

I had Cooper on my hip.

It was a little nippy in the air.

I was like, fucking yes, football season.

That's right, I forgot you like to have your dog and your shawl and your TV

watching football.

You guys are out roasting, O'Halloran.

I was

like, here's why you're a piece of shit.

I was roasting what a little fire started a little fire.

It was about 150 degrees in the room because

it wasn't really fire weather yet.

It was still 76 degrees outside.

There's all kinds of fucking birds suffocating in the pipes and shit.

Giddam got all the birds out.

Fantasy football for everyday fans.

He fucking cleaned out.

He explained

to him all the birds.

You know, Giddam came out and he was a bitch.

Oh, I do remember this.

And he did a full bird sweep of the house.

And every fall, we bring him in to climb up the fucking pipe to make sure there's no birds.

So he's the most expendable person we know.

We could send up there.

He can't get far up the pipe.

He's got to lose a little bit of that full face.

He's like that Dutch boy's finger going over.

He just sticks his cyst in the hole

in the dike.

Scream in terror and fly out.

Yeah, the girls are like, when is he going to stop crying?

I can't sleep.

Get him out of the pipe, Dad.

They have a football's back.

That means if football's back, fantasy football's back.

Yeah, nice.

It's the worst part of fucking football.

Yeah, it's back.

Thanks, Van Duel.

Who won?

Who cares?

All that matters is if your player performed well.

Did my fantasy come true?

Guys, this is not

what FanDuel is asking us to do.

I don't care.

Do you want your 26 bucks this week or not?

Yeah, we need it, man.

We're not free agents, Walt.

Yeah, you can afford a fucking pistol while you're sleeping.

You got me on contract every year.

There's something for everyone.

Lots of contests.

If you don't like fucking football, there's nothing for you.

There's nothing for you.

If you're not interested in football, there's nothing fan to offer you.

Can we take shit for reading something that is clearly not true?

Not if you call it out every two seconds.

I think we're safe.

Starting at just a dollar, just pick a contest, choose your team, and watch your score real time.

Like, if you were to ask me today,

name one player in the NFL.

Oh, you could.

If your your life depended on it.

If your life depended on it, if Sage's life depended on it, go.

You have 30 seconds.

Eli Manning?

Boom.

Good enough.

Sage is alive.

Oh.

I thought that was a gun going.

What did you say?

I thought that was a gun going on.

I didn't even know how to do it.

I'm so glad you knew

Eli Manning.

They just blew Sage's brains out in front of me because I couldn't name an NFL player.

Whoever this fucking evil, speed-like villain is.

Like, oh my god, he killed a child because

specials needs child, too.

Because my knowledge of the NFL is lacking.

Vandal put him up to it, that fucking evil terrorist.

Yeah, they're like, here's a contest for you.

It's like the hostile of football.

Football porn.

Once a week, we will blow the brains out of a special needs child until this fucking fat gray asshole can name an NFL player.

Oh, he can name the fucking Netflix characters.

Oh, yeah.

All day.

Come at me with Netflix shit.

Week one studs?

What does that mean?

Studs.

Yeah, studs.

You know, like, can't miss players.

Really?

Yeah, can't miss picks.

You know, like.

So if it's like, hey, like, I want to pick Eli Manning and he's like.

Well, I don't know if he's a stud.

Well, who's like a top?

Who's like a stud?

Who's a football stud?

Who's a stud this year?

I mean, well, if you had picked Alex Smith in Thursday night's game, you would have had a stud.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, he was fucking off the charts.

They put him out to stud, and he fucking

did the job well.

No, nothing dirty about football.

There's no sexual fucking innuendos.

You could do that here in Comic Book, Man, and you make, you know, constantly say that Mike and Ming are on top of each other, but don't do that in football.

Isn't it full of rapists and murderers?

I mean,

don't be

it's the reputation of the NFL, but I've heard a thing or two.

I mean, I think that's grossly overexaggerated.

Right.

Do you think they have any contests like that?

Like, which football player is most likely to assault his girlfriend next?

And you can bet on that.

You know what?

If anybody's going to have it, it may be FanDuel.

Right.

We'll have to see.

Let's see.

Here you go.

Well,

my guy is

Levion Bell.

Le'Veon Bell.

Le'Veon Bell.

Ah, man.

You're fucking mangling this ad.

Pittsburgh running back

against the Cleveland Browns' weak defense.

The Cleveland Browns have a weak defense, huh?

The Cleveland Browns had a weak defense for the last 30 years.

They can't afford good defense guys.

Well, I'm not sure.

They can't afford any studs.

They've just had some bad luck over the last couple years, the last couple decades.

What point do you stop blaming luck, though?

You're like, oh, man, what crappy luck?

It's like it's three decades.

It's like, this is your life.

That's just the way it is.

Because it's like they draft high all the time, but they never seem to draft the right players to put it all together.

I don't know what it is, you know, but they've been behind the eight ball.

But every team comes out of those phases, and even the laughing stocks become

contenders eventually.

So it'll happen.

Who's the biggest laughing stock in the NFL right now?

Like, who are people like?

Well, I mean, Cleveland only won one game last year.

So, I mean, I would think that how many games do they play?

16.

And they only won one?

Wow, that's pretty bad, huh?

Yeah.

That has to be so demoralizing.

Like, I know you're getting paid and shit, but it still has to be like, oh, my God.

Everyone's talking about our weak defense.

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Don't try it.

The fucking FBI will swarm in, or whoever the fuck is in charge of that shit.

I know that people really love

child molestation updates.

So

I have a little paterno and Sandusky stuff.

Football season, you might as well do it.

Let's keep with the theme.

Penn State.

Yeah, Fandel should have

some betting on, like, you know, Will Sandusky, like, where will he get shit?

Like, shift.

shift, yeah.

Yeah, like,

yeah, will it be in the shower?

Will it be in the wreck yard?

Will it be in?

Would be in the mess hall, yeah, right, yeah.

I don't think, I don't think he's gonna get shivved, though.

They'll probably keep him under, like, you know, complete isolation.

He's on, like, Jared from Subway type protection.

Yeah.

Because who wouldn't want to, like, if you're a hardened criminal and you're like, I'm not getting out anyway, and you, like, run across Sandusky,

that would be a good idea.

I mean, I'm sure it would be tempting.

You're like, what do I got to lose?

Right.

How's this for horseplay?

It bolsters evidence that a police report obtained by CNN bolsters evidence that legendary football coach Joe Paterno knew years before Sandusky's arrest that his longtime assistant might be sexually abusing children.

It was obtained from a source and described here for the first time.

It lays out an account from whistleblower Mike McQuery,

who reported a Paterno incident, blah, blah, blah.

We know all the other stuff.

The police report casts fresh doubt on the mountain of denials by Paterno, his family, and his loyalists.

They took that statue down, right, didn't they?

Wasn't that?

Yeah, that was early.

It was like the first statue to go down.

It contradicts his testimony.

It's amazing that this is still going on with one dude dead and another guy in jail, ostensibly for life,

that they're still getting reports.

And it's

collective case,

I guess.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You don't want anybody getting away with this?

Well, so far, they're just like, well, it's still Paterno, but he just knew sooner than we thought.

Yeah.

Ooh, listen to this, Walt.

Paterno told the young assistant

that his wife, Sue Paterno, once had told the head coach that Sandusky's wife, Dottie Sandusky, told her Jerry doesn't like girls.

Well, it's not that he doesn't like girls.

He doesn't like adults at all.

It's more of a.

When was this story broken?

This is on today's CNN.

Oh, today's CNN.

Okay, let's see.

You have to factor in what do you think the knock-on effect will be in attendance for next week's.

Absolutely.

Not one person will be like, you know what, I've rethought it, and I'm not going to go.

It'll be, however, everybody will be there screaming and fucking.

Because they don't give a shit.

Because people don't give a shit.

They don't like.

It's abstract to them.

They're like, Paterno's dead, Sandusky's in jail.

This is.

So should the

current regime

pay the price or should the enthusiasm be

sapped

for the 2017 team?

For the sins of the

fucking 1977 team.

From 1977 through

2016.

I think at this point,

they should be able to just be like, all right, that was fucked up, obviously, and the statue's down.

Jopa's dead.

Sandusky's hopefully getting shivved in the fucking showers.

But these guys and these players and these fans, it's really like, it's not, you know, it has nothing to do with any of that.

But it is still, like, how do you go about it?

I'd be like, I can't put my shit on.

I can't be like

and get in people's faces and shit.

I'd be like, so horrified to say where I, you know, where I graduated from.

I would lie.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I would just say

Notre Dame.

You make up a different color.

Yeah, I'd be like,

I wouldn't want to say that.

Because you want people to think, you want them to know you want to be a colour.

Yeah, well, at least, yeah, I want everybody to know.

I want to be again in everyone's face and say that I graduated, but

I couldn't be like how some people are so proud of their alumni.

If I was from Penn State, I would be like,

I would burn my diploma.

Would you?

I would turn in my degree.

To who?

Yeah, Yeah, who'd you give it to?

I'd give it back to Penn State and be like, this is worthless now.

What was your degree in?

I mean,

a lot of college degrees are worthless.

Financing, business financing.

You were a finance major.

Yeah.

And you were there and you were rooting the team on during the Joe Paw years.

Yep.

Having no idea the horseplay that was going on.

What's a raccoon skin cat jacket on?

Yeah, a little pennant with his team on it.

Yeah, that would be.

it's something it says something about a person who hears all this shit and is still like, fuck that, it's not true.

Well, is anybody saying that?

Well, when did I say that?

There are definitely some people.

When did it all wrap up?

It was like two years ago.

A couple years ago.

A couple years ago.

So like a new student that just started this year, why should he...

Because that's the way it is, man.

It's like you've got to respect what happened there and not ever be excited on campus about anything.

That's showing proper respect for the past.

Yeah, but then you're going to college for four straight years

and you don't like, you don't celebrate anything.

It's like a fucking where monks go.

What's that called?

Like the monastery?

Yes.

No partying.

Everybody's quiet.

But why?

Because that's just the proper way to treat what happened on that.

It's like going to fucking a concentration camp and throwing a party at Kegger.

You can't do it.

I'm not saying that.

You can't do it there.

You can't go to Auschwitz and act like that.

Because they won't let me.

I've tried several times.

That shit should be so solemn and so morose.

I don't know.

They should shut down the football.

They should shut down the football program, Penn State, and let the rest of the college go on with their life.

All sports.

All sports.

All sports.

I'm fine with that.

Shut down all sports at Penn State and let everybody.

Devote all that money you spend on sports into other things.

Yeah.

Yeah, like preventing sexual abuse of children or something.

There you go.

They did

shut the program down for a year.

Yeah, they were too, right?

You know what?

No.

They had all these really insane, harsh penalties, and then a lot of those penalties

a couple years later were rescinded.

And

it was ridiculous.

I mean, I don't know who

agreed to

give them less,

they felt they were too harsh to charge.

What was an example of one that they pulled?

Um I think like um

'cause their record's still wiped away, right?

No.

I don't think so.

I don't know about that.

I

I may be I may be right.

I could be

but I know they were able to give out schol more scholarships than they were able to.

They were able to get on T V more.

They gave they they drew back and they didn't they weren't they took back some of the penalties that they initially gave.

One man dubbed Joe John Doe one fifty alleged that Paterno dismissed his report of of molestation by Sandowski in 1976, saying, I have a football season to worry about.

Can you imagine your god?

This is maybe one of the most difficult things I've ever had to say in my life to another human being, but you know, your assistant coach.

There I was in the shower and blah, blah, blah.

And he's like, hey, do you see me fucking thinking about football over here?

Trying to come up with plays.

Shit, crazy.

Well, you know what?

You got to put it.

Maybe also, you know, maybe I got to play a little devil's advocate here.

Okay.

Let's say, let's say

he just turned Penn State into a monastery.

But let's say

you got to look at it through the eyes

of a Joe Paterno

or like a super,

super legendary football coach.

Let's say Newt Rockne.

They're like, hey, Rock,

your assistant coach.

He's banging kids.

Well, what's Newt Rockne going to say?

Who's saying this to him?

Just some niggas in that tone, too.

Hey, Rock.

Have you heard the news?

It's night.

One of your kids is getting stropped by the assistant coach.

What's the newt going to say?

Yeah, but I would think that the new would be like, well, that's not manly.

Let's kick his ass.

You think so?

Yeah.

Manly would be if if he was molesting young females yeah

what gay stuff on my campus well i'm trying to think of a football season yeah

it's so fun

if you're gonna prepare for the galloping ghost next week i can't worry about that

so you don't know you know you got to put it through you know like what about george hallis the great legendary bears coach they're like coach

The assistant coach has a bunch of kids, ironically enough, or coincidentally, Bear,

cornered in the shower.

Oh, Papa, Papa.

Oh, he's a Papa, too.

Was he?

He's Papa Bear, yeah.

They called him Papa Bear?

Yeah.

All these guys,

that's the guy that you would be like, oh, my God, like, steer clear of him.

But really, like,

nothing's come out against Papa Bear.

Oh, yeah.

So, I mean, Joe Paw.

I don't know.

It's a tough one.

It's a tough one.

It's really not that tough with all these reports.

I mean, it seems pretty straightforward.

Oh.

Oh, good.

Sandusky was a sick guy, and they screwed up in the handling of it, and blah, blah, blah.

You know what?

I will say this.

I'm glad that at the time

Miundis didn't exist because I would hate to think, I would hate to think of like Jerry Sandusky tearing a young boy's underwear off and ruining them and them being meundis instead of like some regular old cotton.

You are on a tight fucking

shirt.

Like, that clock is fucking.

You're running that clock better than Tom Brady on a fucking two-minute drill.

Because I forget, and then at the end, I'm like, fuck, I forgot all the spots.

So I'm trying to get them in.

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You know what I noticed about Miundis is like, you don't get

nearly as sweaty, like they breathe and shit, you know?

Well, you don't really sweat.

What about you?

Yeah, I sweat.

Oh, then you remember?

He was about to get an operation.

He's going to get Botox in his balls and shit.

Let's shoot up my balls.

Well, I don't wear Miundis up top.

They don't make t-shirts, Miyundis.

Botox implants?

What does that mean?

Botox implants.

What does that mean?

Where did that come from?

No, I don't think anybody said Botox implants.

What'd you say?

Botox in my balls.

Oh, I thought you said implants.

Oh, no.

No, because he said he was going to get it shot through his armpits so he didn't sweat so much.

I never got it.

I haven't.

You took a couple hits on Twitter I saw for being like sort of sort of girly.

They're like, sweat like a man.

It's not girly.

I've ruined shirts.

I don't want to ruin my clothes.

I don't think they're so good.

Does it come in a cream Botox?

I don't think so.

I think they got to inject it.

No.

Yeah.

Would you ever get it?

Would you ever consider it?

Like in like not like in your, like have you got crow's feet around your eyes or something?

No, no, nothing like that.

Because some people are pretty wrinkly when they get older.

Like, I wonder if I'm going to be bummed when I look in the mirror and I'm like, oh, my God.

Look at this fucking.

Yeah, but nothing you could do is going to stop that.

Botox?

No, you'll still you'll still kill yourself.

And you'll look fucking weird anyway.

Can't you get him facelifts?

Facelifts always, always, yeah.

All these people who get facelifts and plastic surgery and all this other shit, and they look in the mirror and they're like, no one will ever be the wiser.

It's like, we're all the wiser.

You can all tell.

Just so you know, like, if you get Botox, if you're like 50, 55, and you have absolutely no lines around your eyes or around your mouth, it's like, it looks strange.

I don't mind aging.

I'm all right with it.

What are you going to do?

What am I going to do?

I mean,

if I fucking like had a horseshoe, like I lost all my hair, but I can think, but I had that like fucking like DA Skinner from fucking X-Files, like horseshoe, I might not like aging as much.

There's a guy on the

crew,

Rags.

Oh, I know, Rags, sure.

Okay, now he's uh, he just started boxing, so he's gonna have like his first boxing match.

Jesus, and uh,

we were trying to think of names for him and shit.

Now, he's like balding up top, but he has that, that like sort of like friar tuck.

I mean, he shaves his head.

But if you let it grow out,

it would look like that.

And I'm like, diet orange.

Okay.

Call yourself the ginger snap kid.

And that will fucking get into your opponent's head to the point where if you came out like, not red, but bright.

Orange, like a clown.

You look like a clown, but you're all like fucking wild-eyed and shit.

Like calling yourself Ginger Snap, like maybe refer to yourself in the third person.

It's definitely going to psych out your opponent at a low rate.

Or you're going to get knocked out within three seconds of the LOW winners.

Yeah.

If they invented a ray

that they could hit you with, that de-ages you, like,

you know, like.

By years or just by looks?

Looks.

Looks.

I don't even know if I would do that.

Get the fuck out of here.

I don't even know if I would do that.

Looks because you're still aging.

You bought your bones and stuff.

But

at least

if you're going to age anyway, why not at least age?

And at least when you look in the mirror,

you could say, well, at least I still look okay.

I don't know, though, but you're all old and hunched over, but you look 20.

I think that.

I think

you'd be the minority on that one, I think.

I don't know.

That you could take a de-aging serum array, just

looks.

Just looks.

Your body's still aging.

Your eyesight's going you.

Why can't that ray work on your organs?

Because this is a scenario, buddy.

Obviously, if there was a de-ager that de-aged my whole body, I would do it.

Then you'd do it.

Well, sure.

Because that's.

Oh, would you deign to do it?

That's just good health.

I'm talking about, like, you know, just looks-wise, I don't think I would do it.

Who wants to be fucking 80 and looking like they're 30, but feeling 80?

That's Lucille Ball.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She did look pretty young.

Yeah, some people, like, it's, it's weird how they don't change that much as they get older.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I remember my grandmother, like,

before she, she was like 98.

And before she died, it's like, oh, like.

She looked like one of those sharp hay dogs.

Like,

like, everywhere.

It's just wrinkles.

It's just wrinkles everywhere.

Like, you're made up of wrinkles.

Like, that's all you are, is like wrinkles and fear.

You know, like, oh, no.

Like, this is you.

You know, it doesn't have wrinkles, though.

Oh, never.

Miandis.

Oh, come on.

Microfiber.

Yeah, micro-modal.

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Does

the female Miyandis, did they have this?

Did they call it the diamond pouch?

I don't think so.

You know why?

There's some sort of

hidden

subconscious thing going on here with the advertising.

What is it?

Diamond.

Like

hard as a diamond?

Definitely.

Oh, all right.

So you feel that they're like diamond pouch, and then you like, psychologically, you're like, oh my god, I'll be imbued with the power to get a fucking diamond hard cock if I just wear these meundis.

Definitely.

There's definitely some, that somebody was paid big bucks to come up with that fucking phrase.

The diamond house pouch, yeah.

Probably a psychologist.

Like a team.

Yeah.

Of fucking shrinks and shit.

All right.

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It's life-changing wearing this shit.

All right?

What else?

What else?

You were telling us something funny.

Well, you went to Florida recently.

That's right.

Yeah.

I wanted to send out.

Initially, I was going to send out thanks to two

very special listeners for helping me out on my Florida trip, but now I want to send out

safe wishes because we're recording this.

Yeah, well, to everyone in Florida, but especially these two and Tom and Tim Hill.

Tom Mummy.

But I'm sure they don't listen.

Tom does.

Everybody in Florida.

Even if you all listen to Tom Steve, Dave.

I hope that, look,

if it happened, I hope it doesn't happen.

But if Tom Mum were to get swamped, trapped in his house,

and drowned the dust.

Oh, that was the same thing.

I would want him to go out listening to tell us he did and you your well wishes.

That ultimately meant nothing but a dust.

At least he knew.

But, you know, definitely, you know, I really

got my fingers and toes crossed for everybody down in Florida.

I mean, I hear it's going to be, from the news, it sounds like fucking an atom bomb is coming.

So it's really scary.

I mean, it's absolutely nuts the coverage that it's getting, and I hope it doesn't live up to it.

I mean, it already has fucking destroyed islands and shit.

Like, what's it like for 90%?

Like, you're the prime minister of Barbuda, and you're like 90% of the place is fucking rubble.

Where do you start?

I don't know how politically correct this is,

but I'm going to

not that I'm hoping, but I am wondering if it's not cool to say

they just built their houses out of straw and

wax and fucking shit.

Because I'm hoping that American built houses,

when it comes on land in America, that they're not taking those kinds.

I'm just wondering if maybe that's why it looks the way it does

in those islands, and maybe like an American-built house.

It's just a bunch of like lazy foreigners

threw together whatever house they could get away with.

Isn't it time for a CS dead man?

I mean, I hear what you're saying, Walt.

No hurricane.

No, no, no, I'm just saying

that the building.

Hurricane Jose!

One of our own has turned on us.

I'm just saying maybe the standards and the regulations are not

up to American standards.

And maybe that's why they weren't built with hurricane-reinforced standards.

And that's why I hope so.

That's why

it looks like a snow globe now.

But

I'm hoping that, you know, like,

they've been building shit down there for so many years.

Did you build your house out of wax tom, mom?

Did you?

Reinforced like headers and shit with like old Blue Juice comments.

They couldn't sell it.

She should have told me what happened because if something bad happens, this is going to be really bad for you to be saying this shit.

So you really got to

dial it down.

Preemptive jokes, though.

If I were to say this afterwards,

which I will, if something bad happens.

Preemptive, though.

I mean, yeah, yeah.

We're joking around hoping for the best.

Yeah, obviously.

It's a pretty.

It's got to be terrifying.

Because even like the R storm,

I don't think anybody realized it was going to happen

the way it did.

So we weren't like, I wasn't scared.

I was just like.

Just kind of inconvenienced because I was in a fucking hotel room with like everybody in my family and two dogs.

It was just like, come on, let's just go home.

We know nothing's going to happen.

But these people are being like, they're told Godzilla's fucking coming.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, judging by the damage you've seen so far, it doesn't seem.

Oh, yeah, and I understand why they have to, but it's got to be even more terrifying.

Like, I mean, like, dialed up to like fucking 100.

They're like, yeah, if you're still there, you will get fucked up.

Like, that's what's going to happen.

That's rough.

But I drove down to Florida.

And I don't know.

Did you ever drive down to Florida?

I've done that, yeah.

We've done that several times together, me and Q.

I was asking aloud to my family, and then when I got home, I was like, Why don't you answer me?

When you get to South Carolina,

how is it possible in this day and age that

the south of the border is still a thing?

How is it that there's not marches and there's not protests to be like,

This shit ain't cool?

Right?

Who's it not cool to?

Who do you think?

One guess.

I know who you're saying it shouldn't be cool to, but maybe Mexican people.

I'll ask Senor McFly, longtime aunt, he can weigh in.

Do Mexicans give a fuck about south of the border, which is so over-the-top.

Can you explain what it is?

Do you know, like, to the listeners who may not know what we're talking about?

Yeah, on the East Coast, when you're going down 95,

at some point in North Carolina,

you start

500 miles out.

And they're the most

offensive signs ever.

It's like a little Mexican dude called Pedro, and he's got his sombrero over his eyes.

He's sleeping on one of the billboards.

One time he can't even be bothered to look up at you when you're coming, but it says.

Well, he's not real, you know.

But the implications are off.

The charts like outdated.

I don't know how this has gotten through in 2017 that someone hasn't been like, shut it down.

It's not cool.

Probably because they're like, well, there's cartoonish Pedro or real, like actual

white nationalists going after people in this city.

They're probably like, you know what, south of the border, leave them alone with their fireworks and their tchotchki bullshit.

And we'll focus on the bigger stuff.

Would you like to see them knock down the giant south of the border sign

like it were a statue?

I just don't know why you can't like you can keep the

decor,

but change some of the

mascot first off.

I mean, the Cleveland Indians mascots fucking, you know, is less offensive at times.

Well, they never changed that other one, though, the Chiefs, right?

No, that's the Cleveland Indians.

Who is the one with the Redskins?

The Redskins.

The Redskins is the one that they still haven't changed, right?

They refuse.

No, they haven't.

And a lot of Redskins don't give a shit, right?

Again, it's white people people that care, right?

I think a lot of people care.

I think a lot of people are like,

it's time as a society we put this in the past.

I mean, the team is still going to be there.

What difference does it make if it's not the original name?

And no other name can do that.

I don't give a fuck.

But South Border is just nuts.

Yeah, it shows a lot of, like, I'm looking at the billboards, and it shows a lot of, like, Pedro

with his donkey, his mule.

Like, you never, I mean, there's really like chili today, hot tamale.

That's a staple young kid joke.

If you're offended by that, I'm not, it's not the

joke, it's the presentation of Pedro, I think, that's got to go.

No, Pedro.

Hashtag no Pedro, I think.

Hashtag no Pedro.

You want to get that trending?

It seems like, well, here, let me throw a couple of things at you.

But what a what a great memory, though.

Like, when you were a kid, going down and seeing all the signs because it is the pumpkin stickers,

Stacy's over there is shaking her head.

Yes, it was a great memory.

Right.

Oh,

they're from Staten Island.

Give me a fan.

Of course.

They look forward to that more than they look forward to Disney.

Look at them.

Look at Pedro.

So lazy.

What's great is, because it's true.

That's the best part.

Let me throw some facts at you.

Okay.

Over the years, the billboards with messages some considered racist and offensive changed to become tamer, but still funny.

Schaefer, who's the guy who created the place, continued to deny his traction was racist.

In fact, he was known for hiring African Americans and even helping them to vote standing up to the KKK.

Oh, when was this built?

It was like 1950 or something.

1949.

I'm not saying you I'm not I'm not going like I'm not going nuclear on them like Penn State, but I'm saying like

got it well that's good.

This seems a little more mild

than fucking giving little kids PTSD.

Is it?

Is it though?

I mean,

you are lampooning a whole race of people.

Right.

I mean, it's not.

It shouldn't be taken lightly.

It's about as offensive as when people are like, white people sure can't dance.

And it's like.

Are you really?

You really think it's on the par with that?

Is there a difference between that and a Mexican guy wearing a what's it called?

Sombrero?

Not a sombrero.

The fucking shawl?

Yeah, it's not a shawl.

What's it called again?

The fucking

blanket that they wear over them.

Why can't I think of the name of it?

I don't know.

But it's the way that he's drawn

with the poncho, yeah.

But like with the

mustache.

That mustache is, that's like so outdated.

That's nuts.

That picture you're showing right now, that's got to go.

That is the animated equivalent of why people can't dance no it's it's way worse well i mean look

i don't know how to tell you because if he because if that was drawn by a mexican dude you wouldn't be like that's racist right it's not like you can draw a racist mexican and it wouldn't be that

you know what i mean like you could purposely draw an offensive image of mexicans and it would not be that smiling guy with a sombrero

but the mustache the whole thing it's just you know why People don't have mustaches in Mexico?

Not like that.

That old-fashioned, like

you're next to a Mexican restaurant you've never gone to, but somehow you're an authority on it.

What do you think?

Is it a cause that TSD could take up?

Hashtag no Pedro?

But how do I know that

it's not beloved in the Mexican community?

Did you guys stop or no?

Yeah, we stopped.

Just to take it in.

Just to take it in

and to show our disdain.

Were there a bunch of Staten Islanders running around whooping it up and shit?

See, I like these, like these kind.

Like, Pedro no shoot Z bull.

Who done it?

It makes no sense.

Come on, man.

It's 2017.

It's not like.

It is.

You get just right south of the border.

You don't need Pedro should be retired.

Pedro is beloved.

Who are you going to put there instead?

You know what?

Make it chili.

Make it like a little chili pepper with a hat on.

Like with eyes and a child.

Yeah, like an animated chili pepper.

Name him Ted.

Name him Ted?

Yeah, so it's not a loaded name.

It's not like Jose.

Yeah,

I agree with that.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Or

alternately, we could focus on things that fucking matter at all in the world and not worry about the stupid people who know

we could get on the train early.

Because I feel like those girls that were kidnapped

in the middle of the fucking remember, like 40 women were were like kidnapped?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Are they back yet?

I think they finally got back, but

I couldn't even say I'm 100% sure.

Yeah.

I do know several South of the Border Pillboard slogans at this point, though.

You know,

I got my own problems, and Pedro's not on that list.

I gotta be honest with you.

But you get out in front of this, though.

You know, the history, you're on the right side of history, though.

He would look like the world's biggest pussy if he spearheaded the fucking hashtag No Pedro campaign.

campaign, people would be like, How fucking does that?

Because it'd be pandering, it'd be pandering.

Everyone knows I don't give a shit,

but anything.

But what about

what you're doing?

I mean, if I had a list, Pedro would be pretty low on that list.

But like, it's gonna happen, though.

Like, at some point, this is not gonna become cool anymore, and people are gonna remember that you had a chance.

I'll be the first against the wall.

You had a chance to come out against Pedro.

I'll be all right.

That's true.

Because I've asked you guys to get on board on this, and you both are like when you put it that way,

you're right.

So I'm going to come out against Pedro Walt.

You're doing it?

I'm going to do it.

So, in the unlikely event that in our lifetime, someone's like, we need to fucking tear it down, man, like it's the Berlin Wall or something,

there's just no way.

It's such a great piece of Americana.

I don't know.

It's so chintzy and shitty.

I agree with you.

And

I don't want

the decor and the buildings to come down, but I don't want them

cartooning or lampooning

anyone to get people to stop there, though.

In all seriousness, I think it's crazy in 2017 that someone still thinks that this is the way to go.

Like almost 70 years later,

they're still using the cartoonish Spanish man to get people to pull over.

No one, well, it's Pedro.

It's south of the border.

It's synonymous with Pedro.

It doesn't have to do with with anything with Mexico, though.

Because they're saying it's south of the border, into South Carolina, from North Carolina.

It's a play on whatever.

I don't know.

I don't know why he would call it that, but it's, I guess, just south where you can get fireworks legally.

No, you can get fireworks,

hundreds of miles before you get to south of the border.

Where in North Carolina?

Yeah, you can get them in Pennsylvania.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, this is not about selling fireworks.

This is about

uplifting

a class of people here.

Oh, fuck them.

Who cares?

Oh, my God.

Who cares?

Really?

Now we've got to worry about roadside fucking attractions and fucking knocking down the giant.

Did you go to the top of the thing, like the big sombrero thing?

I wouldn't.

We didn't spend a dime there.

No.

No.

But we just walked around there.

We just walked around.

We just stood there, people touching them all.

Yeah, we walked around looking at

the riffraft that would come there on vacation.

Missy, that would be like, how how long did you go to Florida for?

Seven.

I was gone seven days, but some of those travel time.

Okay, so let's say let's say five days.

Because it's not going to take nearly as long.

So next vacation, next year, you and the family, you go down to south of the border and you just leaflet like, hey, man, join our cause.

Hashtag no Pedro.

And like, you put your money where your mouth is.

It's kind of rough down here.

I don't know if we'd get out without

I don't know.

Those southern those southern boys are they don't they they they cling to their guns and their pedro fucking billboards.

And their jobs.

That's mostly probably because if you look around like south of the border, like if you drive around at all, it's just

like a like a ghost town of like abandoned gas stations, abandoned motels.

Like there's nothing around that except for that area.

How do you know?

Because

I've gone down and I've driven around.

When's the last time you were at South of the Border?

Last time I drove down.

How do you know they haven't had a revitalized surrounding area.

Okay.

Well, normally when that happens,

somebody's going to fucking pump money down south.

Pump money shit.

What the fuck are you doing?

They just call people good old boys and shit.

Like these poor Mexicans,

they're being fucking

targeted by the fucking redneck, fucking racist scumbags from fucking Virginia on down.

Oh,

let me save some Mexicans.

But anyway, it was probably like four years I drove down.

You don't know what this is.

He's got a fucking

skinny little brush in one hand and a broad-ass brush in the other.

He just goes to work.

But you don't know if it's like, just because you saw something abandoned gas stations doesn't mean that it's fucking deliverance.

I didn't say it was.

But you're like, it's like it's a gas, it's a

ghost town.

It's

what it was.

I'm telling you what I saw in my own eyes.

I'm not like, hey, you know what?

I bet you it's like.

It's like, I saw it.

I don't know.

It might not be that way anymore, though.

It might not.

If in the past four years, someone's like, hey, you know how we can make a ton of money?

Let's build all our shit around like this weird sort of like retro-racist fucking pit stop, this shithole that sells like like quote-unquote authentic African fucking artifacts next to fucking a churro stand, next to a fireworks place, you know,

next to a hotel or motel that definitely has bed bugs.

You know what they have there?

They have a honeymoon suite at the hotel south of the border.

If you don't do that ironically, like if you, if you're going to do it at all, you got to do it ironically because if you don't

you know so I want to how many if you don't I want to hang out with you i want to see what the rest of you what year did it originate 49.

okay in 19 since 1949 the people who have stayed at the honeymoon suite it's out of the border how many you think would would you if you had to put it you like somebody has a gun to sage's head

how many people stayed at the honeymoon suite out of quote-unquote irony

uh well if i was driving through town and i needed to crash for the night and i got there and the honeymoon suite was available i'd probably take it

Let's say you're driving down

pre-Joker, so

you still get the honeymoon suite?

Yeah,

okay,

because you know,

it's like 60 bucks

irony, though.

Yeah, I mean, you see the room.

How many people do you think?

It's a giant sombrero bed.

Oh, come on.

Who would not want to fucking?

That's unreal.

That has to be from the 50s.

I can't remember 2017.

Who would not want to whack some ass on a giant sombrero bed?

Because I would.

That's wrong.

But if a Mexican family owned it, it would be okay.

And we don't know that they don't.

Well, we do know that they don't.

I think it's a pretty safe bet that they don't.

Yeah, they don't.

That it was built in the 50s.

Well, it doesn't mean it's the same owner.

That's true.

I think that's probably stayed in the family, though, that

eyesore.

You know what?

I want to check prices.

I want to see how much is it to stay in the honeymoon suite.

I can't, but like, you don't, in this day and age, you don't find it weird that it's not, that nobody's come out against this?

No, I'm surprised.

I'm reading that people have come out against it.

Oh, okay.

So I'm not alone.

No.

I'm not the lone.

Well, we're not alone.

I'm with you, Walter.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah.

Okay.

I've jumped on board.

Walt.

A little late, but I'll get, well, you know what?

No one will remember.

It's like Italy in World War II.

Right.

I love that you think

you're the only one that was like, well, that's weird.

This sounds like a pretty good fucking deal, man.

The Honeymoon Suites,

it's a $99 special, Walt.

You've got the wedding ceremony, a bottle of fine champagne, free breakfast from Pedro's diner, and a waterbed-equipped suite.

Whoa.

If I ever get married, that's where I'm doing it.

Then I'm going to stay in the honeymoon suite.

They got a reptile lagoon?

It's pretty cool, man.

Yeah, I don't know.

The package was so popular that over a dozen marriages would take place each weekend over the course of a summer.

I guess this is a while ago.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, this is definitely a while ago.

How many marriages

make it

after honeymooning at the south of the border, you think you?

You don't see any significant increase or decrease from just a regular honeymoon.

I think it has nothing to do with it.

The honeymoon doesn't factor into the

survivor of the marriage.

Something's happening.

The bed's gone.

It's just a regular room now.

You know why I applaud that?

Yes.

You got to applaud that.

You can't be upset about that.

You're right.

You don't sound sincere, though.

It was a cool-looking bed.

And it would have been fun, right?

Yeah, like, why is it.

It's just a hat bed.

It's a sombrero.

Right, if it was a top hat bed.

It's a symbol of oppression.

A sombrero?

A hat that they wear fucking voluntarily still.

That white people are sleeping in.

yeah.

It's mocking a whole culture, dude.

How do you know it's just white people?

Because anytime there's something fucked up like that, it's always white people.

Yeah, of course.

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

Rolling in.

Look at these stupid hats.

Ho, ho, they fucking wear these.

Yeah.

Fucking dummies.

That's what I'm talking about.

That's what I would be saying to my newly, my newly betrothed.

I'd be like, can you believe these stupid fucking Mexicans wear these hats?

Yes.

It's unbelievable.

Can't have that.

Not on my watch.

I'd be like, Burroughs wear hats like this.

And so do they.

No, yeah.

It's distasteful.

Let's just.

What did your kids have to say?

I'm curious about that.

Come on, can we just fucking keep going?

No, Alicia.

Alicia, who's very woke.

Oh, God.

Was standing with her father, you know, on the right side of history.

On the right side of the car, away from some dangerous-looking Mexicans, probably.

You never know when they may attack with a mop.

Oh, cute.

I don't know what to do.

What do we do with this guy?

Anyway, I have to jettison him.

I have to jettison this whole show.

It's like Penn State over there.

I'll fucking do this show for like every week.

I'll do it live from South at the corner.

But my oldest was, she was maintaining that it's not a big deal.

You're so uptight.

Stop trying to act like you care.

If you care,

that's the best.

If you care.

Tell her I don't want you to do that.

Otherwise, we don't have a show.

She was saying, like, if you cared, you'd do more than just try to, you know, just with these, you know, these phrases or, you know, catchphrases.

And, you know,

by masquerading your cheapness as like principles, you're like, I'm not spending any money for her.

No, in all honesty, no, I do find it weird that in the society we live in, that somebody hasn't come down hard on this and made them change their ways.

But,

you know,

we'll get there one day.

Well, they won't.

We'll turn our attention and what would happen.

If we run out of everything else to be mad about south of the border, we'll fucking go.

The statues are coming down because they're basically like

symbols.

Well,

the government's involved in them, right?

Like City of of New York, any statues around.

They commission the statues, you mean?

Well, they probably...

Back in the hundreds of years.

Yeah, like this is a private business that is doing well.

Like, they could protest it all day, but you can't make them change, and you can't stop people from going there.

Well, what are you talking about now?

Protests.

Protesting what?

South of the border.

Oh, it would hurt business.

I don't know that it would.

You see protesters driving.

You see, you're driving down your 95, whatever the hell it is, and you see protesters.

Yeah, but how long are those families like, oh, I don't want to get involved, right?

But how long are those protesters going to be able to stay there?

A long time.

There's a lot of restaurants over there.

I mean, and there's no reason to leave.

It's actually a lot to do.

You mini-golf, and it's pretty awesome.

So they're protesting

and then mini-golfing?

Like, oh, my God, did you see the Instagram I took from up on top of the fucking

hat tower?

But most people, most families, you know, that nuclear family is driving down,

they are not, they see a protest.

They don't even know what the protest is about.

They just see a prototype.

They're not like, I don't want to get involved.

I don't want to be spat on.

So that's a bad week, but what I'm saying is, like, they're not going to be able to stay there that long, the protesters.

Oh, anybody fucking occupy Wall Street in the world?

They're fucking meaningless fucking.

For weeks on end.

Yeah, like Bryce said, you get your tents down there,

you're Occupy Wall Streets.

Don't these people have work?

No.

Oh, they don't have work?

That's his work.

Their work is changing.

Their work is changing.

Who's paying for them?

Oh, you don't want to know, Q.

I know.

Oh, there's a secret, there's a secret cabal that's paying the protesters, huh?

Q?

No, I think it's my fucking 50% tax rate that's paying for these funds.

You don't think Soros is funding the shit?

No.

No.

This is grassroots.

What, the Pedro thing?

No, well, it's going to have to be Soros who would be like, I don't give a fuck about that South of the Border.

What is it?

Well, you buy firecrackers and shit.

Who cares?

You just show him that.

You just show him.

All it takes is

just a big enough name to get on board.

Right.

Okay, so you need like

you need a George Clooney to be like

an Oprah.

Yeah,

it would be over.

Yeah.

It'd be over.

Or the dude who.

Why don't you try to get a Mexican guy, like say George Lopez?

Yes, I was going to say, I was going to say the guy who owns.

Carlos Mencia, he can go and like told me.

Yeah, but

if I own South of the Border and then, for whatever reason I'm in the Target hairs, I'm just going to be like, I'll just wait this out because then

something else is going to piss these people off and they'll move on.

Well, I mean,

the bottom line is all that matters, though.

And if you hurt their bottom line long enough and hard enough, yeah, believe me,

people will change their how the whole fucking thing is predicated upon

Mexican themed billboards, first off.

Okay, so you take down all the billboards so nobody knows it's there.

Then you take down all all the Mexican-themed shit so it's not Mexican-themed anymore.

You're so angry.

It's the same generic vanilla fucking bullshit you see all over the country these shits.

Skidden is fucking torturing.

Calm down.

Calm down.

You take down the billboards, and you just put up new billboards that are inclusive.

Yeah, exactly.

You celebrate.

Like white people on there.

Okay, so how are you drawing a Mexican guy though?

I told you.

You do the lettering as

that Spanish lettering, that very iconic

lettering that sells, you know, this is a Spanish,

and you celebrate it, though.

You don't put a guy in there with the corny man, with the mustache, the overly gigantic sombrero that falls over his eyes constantly so he has to fall asleep.

You don't do shit like that.

You don't put the high waters on.

So you're saying that he's a victim of his sombrero.

He's not just lazy.

He's a robe for a belt.

He's not just lazy.

He's a victim of the sombrero that shades his eyes and he just gets drowsy.

You just do it.

You do it so it's respectful.

And

I don't think you can really say that that's respectful.

Anything.

But I don't think you can do it in a different way.

You can.

I don't think so.

You don't have to put characters up there.

You just put the logos.

You just put what's there.

You put the restaurants.

You put what you can play there.

You keep the buildings the way they are.

You know that they're.

So it's just the billboards that are bugging you.

All the other shit once you get there.

Right now, let's start with the billboards.

That's a nice first step.

So make them so they won't attract the eyes of children.

What if you hired a child?

As a kid, wasn't that it?

It wasn't Pedro that was attracting.

If it was Pedro, then something's wrong with you.

What if you hired

a Mexican speaker?

What if you spoken?

What if you hired a Mexican spokesman?

That's that.

Well,

I don't know, man.

You're just.

If I wasn't so drunk on the key, I'd say a couple of nice words.

You get, you get, you know, you're, you, you, You get like.

We got to stop this.

It's getting crazy now.

Well, they know he's saying things.

Don't tell me we got another fucking ad.

Go on.

Of course we do.

Well, let's roll into it.

I want to fix out of the border, though.

I want to make it so everybody can enjoy it.

If I told you that, all you got to do is first let's change the, let's get rid of, let's retire Pedro.

Pedro's got to go.

Pedro's got to go.

That's like saying Mickey has to go.

Why?

Yeah.

Mickey Mouse and Pedro on the same fucking level?

Absolutely.

Pedro is the Mickey Mouse of white trash rest stops along I-95.

Well, they got a bigger...

Name a bigger one.

All along I-95.

Name a bigger fucking mouse

than Pedro.

He's the only one, though.

All right.

There's a reason for that.

From fucking Maine to the tip of Florida, Pedro's the man.

The same amount of people would go there.

It wouldn't affect attendance at all if they just retired Pedro.

And think of that poor Mexican family We didn't driving down the highway, man.

They see that sign and they're like, Let's go.

They're making fun of us.

Let's go.

Like some kid is like, God, they're making fun of me and my grandfather and my heritage.

Like, that's hurtful, man.

You don't want that.

Why don't you want that Mexican kid to have a nice drive down 95?

I do.

I don't want him to be so fucking soft.

And he's been aware of that.

The world's hard places.

Well, that's another argument.

He knows it's hard.

He don't fucking need, he doesn't need you fucking telling him.

He don't need some fucking middle-aged white dude to tell him how hard the world is.

Yeah, oh, Brian Johnson.

Let Brian Johnson tell these people how to do it.

I'll decide for the Mexicans.

I'll decide for him.

Fucking asshole.

No, I want to finish this.

I don't want to be in here no more.

I don't want to.

I want to, I'm done.

I had it.

Let's go.

Let's finish the fucking episode.

Oh, man.

He's all worked up.

All right.

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You excited for a new Star Wars Q?

I am.

Because I know the last one kind of left you a little wanting.

Very upsetting to me, the last one.

But

you're ready now.

You're ready to embrace it and go in with

all, you know, no preconceived, and no, you're not they'd have to fuck up pretty bad to get me not to be excited about a Star Wars movie.

It's too ingrained in me.

Do you?

This is a dicey for me to say it too, but I'm going to say it.

I want to reverse my position south of the border.

I've done a lot of stuff.

I did a lot of, went to the Universal.

Yeah.

Went to Disney, where now Disney obviously is.

Sure.

It's kind of Star Wars heavy now.

Oh, and they haven't even built Star Wars land yet.

When I was down there a couple years ago, there was a whole bunch of Star Wars shit coming in then, so I can't imagine.

Oh, they paid like billions of dollars.

I got to get their money back somehow.

I understand, but

does it make you not like Star Wars as much if everyone likes Star Wars?

No, everybody's always liked Star Wars.

Not like this.

Not like this.

I feel like they did.

It's like everybody,

they're talking about like it's a true religion now.

It's always felt that way to me.

Maybe it's the age gap between us, but it's always felt that way to me.

Really?

It's always felt that people were that into Star Wars.

Yeah.

I don't know if it's that, like, you know, my age, like, you know, like, this was my thing, and now it's everyone's thing.

You know,

it goes to like.

Don't you hate it?

I never felt like Star Wars was my thing.

It was like.

Because it wasn't.

You tried taking it from us.

It was us.

Yeah.

We were there.

Seeing it in theaters.

Yeah, we saw it.

We were fucking waiting in line.

You saw it on VHS.

You guys saw it.

Stroking your dad's balls when we're fucking sitting there in line waiting to see this movie.

I was born in 76.

Sorry, you're definitely not, and it definitely didn't see Star Wars in a theater, though.

No, I didn't see Star Wars in the des, but so fucking what posing.

The guys, you know,

the guys who saw it in a theater, though, it was theirs.

Oh, Lord.

Yeah.

Really?

Okay.

It was theirs, and now it's not ours anymore.

Okay.

So why?

Unless you saw it.

It's all over the map.

I can't even fucking follow this.

I feel like we'll get there eventually, but that was the right word.

But yeah, it is.

It's like I saw this movie about the new creators who are involved in creating the new cinematic Star Wars universe.

And they're talking about it like

it's the cure for cancer.

They're treating creating new Star Wars like...

So who put this film out?

It's at the theme park.

Oh, well, well, of course, they're going to.

But, like, I've never heard it presented in a way where you're like, I remember asking my daughters who don't care about Star Wars at all, like,

what did you think of that?

And they're like, that's really weird.

Like, they're talking about it like it's

like it's like Christianity

or any other

religion that's not Christian.

Right.

It's probably as valid.

I mean, let's be honest.

But it's like, I mean, you're talking about the,

it's like their the reverence and the like they're talking about this responsibility.

It's like it's a it's a movie when you boil it down to it.

It's not like if you fuck up

things are going to be like horrific, you know, or for them it will be.

They've already fucked up three times with the prequels.

So not them.

That wasn't on their watch.

That was

Disney show.

Okay.

But like, I don't know.

You don't get that.

Like maybe it's, they're taking it a little bit too seriously.

Says the guy who fucking

complained to the media about Han Solo and the IMF.

Yeah, I'm right in.

I wrote this article.

I was wondering if you may publish it as a notice.

Am I asking if I'm dying?

I don't know.

But do you think that they are taking it a little too serious?

No, I think they're taking it to right.

They're getting paid to be there, man.

You got to take your job seriously.

Oh, there is no mention of money or compensation.

Of course, they're not going to fucking sit there and tell you how much they're getting paid.

You would think that they're doing it for if they weren't getting paid, they would not be in that movie

talking about it like it was Jesus.

That's it.

You just said it right there.

They are talking about as if they're making films about Christ.

Right.

That was boring.

There's definitely more fun than the movie that was made about Christ.

Oh, you know what?

That fucking movie won some awards, though.

Made a lot of money, too.

Yeah, so let's not discount it as not being

anti-Semitic.

That was fun, but just not as much fun as Star Wars.

You're talking about the passion, right?

Yeah, passion of Christ, yeah.

He's back now.

I didn't like that some kids took that from me either.

I was like, that's mine.

Come on.

Let's be fair.

That's not really ours.

That's like,

that goes way back.

Yeah.

It's way, way, way, way older than 1977.

Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, I don't know.

I know that feels like a very,

I shouldn't be saying that, but it does kind of like bother me.

I told my daughter, I was like, when she's like, why don't you wear Star Wars shirts then if you like it?

And I was like, because everybody does.

I'm wearing one right there.

All the douchebags do.

Why aren't you?

So, Stacey,

Star Wars shirts on.

It's not yours, motherfuckers.

It's ours.

He likes those shirts.

This is like Star Wars appropriation, bitch.

Now I know how Pedro feels.

Okay, so I am.

Or do we have to finish?

I have to at least give the code.

I think we've got to talk for 12 more minutes about Star Wars.

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If it went viral that Comic Book Man says Star Wars is not for you, people, it's only for him.

Yeah.

Could that be.

What's Comic Book Man?

I think people would expect that.

People would get mad, though, right?

No, I think they'd be like.

Okay, because

I know it's not going to happen because no one cares about comic books.

But don't you think that the argument?

I know Dweebs got all huffy and shit.

But better than Star Wars, a better example would be comic books because you remember how it used to be you'd be embarrassed.

Believe me, I went on that rant on the trip to Florida, too.

I was telling my daughter about how, you know, it used to be I was the fucking man.

I had knowledge about comic books up the ass.

I could pull out anything and it would impress people.

Now your fucking Googles and your fucking Wikipedia is like.

He sounds exactly like Brian Dishelle, the showrunner.

Exactly like Brian Danny.

Right, but now I'm not smart anymore.

Now everybody is.

You still are.

I was never talking about me comic book smart.

Right.

I don't have like.

Is that a thing?

Yeah, it was because I was like, what about this character?

Give me the continuity.

I would make people's jaw drop.

I'll tell you what, this is no bullshit.

But now I can't anymore if you can.

It doesn't matter in this world anymore.

Because everybody has that knowledge at their fingertips.

It doesn't matter, though.

But when we're shooting the show and something comes up, and you and Mike know so much about shit from a book that came out in 75,

I'm telling you, it impresses me.

I'm not kidding around.

But you can, yeah, it impresses you, but guess what?

The world.

You don't matter.

Yeah,

Not that much.

But the world out there, they know it already.

And they don't even have to read the stuff.

And they don't even know how to read it, Q.

They didn't have to read the books that I did to get that knowledge.

They just get it from the internet.

But they don't know because they don't know.

Because they don't care.

No, they don't care.

What are you talking about?

This world cares about comics.

They care about comic book movies.

No, they care about.

They're comic book TV shows.

Comics themselves, I'll bet you it's a fraction of the people that watch the shows and movies, right?

I don't know.

You're still the man.

I'm not.

You're still the man.

You're still the man.

My knowledge was much more valuable.

Like, if Comic Book Men were put on in the 1980s or 90s

before the internet,

I would be like the dude.

Who was that dude that was on Jeopardy for years and years and won all that money?

I think it was not years.

It was like maybe a month or two of episodes.

Who was that dude?

He was super famous.

He won so much money.

Yeah, I forget.

I would be looked up.

I would be the same as that forgettable guy none of us can remember.

You know what I'm talking about.

He won a lot of money, and he became almost like a little mini celebrity.

Yeah.

Right.

Where does he jerk off?

But I would be in the same category as that dude.

But now everybody's that person.

Now it doesn't matter anymore because they go to the internet and they find it.

Was it Ken Jennings?

That's it.

Ken Jennings.

Yeah, Ken Jennings holds the

record for the longest streak.

He won 74 in a row.

And then he was defeated by Nancy Zerg on his 75th appearance.

Let's see what he's doing today since you fucking worship.

Look at him.

He should be worshipped.

Look at him.

No, he shouldn't.

Just because he knows a bunch of fucking facts and shit.

So does the Baron.

Effect of the streak.

Let's see.

Media coverage.

I want to see what he's doing today.

He's probably working as a consultant somewhere.

Let me see.

Whoa, he hanged himself.

What?

Yeah.

Really?

Oh, he didn't commit suicide.

Jeez.

I would have said, you know what?

I would have been like, you know what?

It figures because now everybody fucking knows just as much as he does because of the internet.

Right.

He can feel your pain.

Because I would have been like, you know what,

you used to be somebody, but now Wikipedia is nobody.

Yeah.

He's like, yeah, I know.

I know.

A lot of people have been telling me that recently.

He agreed to a deal.

Okay, these were his endorsements.

Do you think it's like

pro-athlete numbers?

Probably not, but he's probably still got some commercials and stuff.

He agreed to a deal with Microsoft to promote its Encarta encyclopedia software, which has been discontinued.

He did speaking engagements.

In 2005, Singular Wireless featured him in commercials, portraying him as having lots of friends and family coming out of the woodwork because now he's rich.

University Games produced a Can You Beat Ken board game in which the players vie against each other and Jennings in an attempt to earn 2.6 million first.

All right, here's his personal life.

He's got a wife and a kid, and two kids.

He currently resides in Seattle.

Whoa.

He stated that he's an avid comic book and movie geek

with a website listing his top 4,000 favorite movies.

He also writes questions for, edits, literary mythology categories, and questions of in the national academic quiz tournament.

I'm not sure why you were impressed by that or why you were like, whoa,

that he likes comics.

Well, no, you guys share something.

I mean, aside from being obsolete, you both like comic books.

Oof.

Yeah, Ken Jennings, I don't know.

Do you think he

wonder when he got married?

I wonder if he's allowed to go on other game shows.

Would you book him to go on another game show?

Why?

He's in a clean house.

It depends on what he's doing.

Who's a millionaire?

You know, he's going to win it.

Why wouldn't he go on?

Or why wouldn't they let him on?

That's the bigger question.

A lifetime ban on knowledge-based games.

Well, it says he was on a bunch of other game shows.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

And he didn't win?

No?

Because

everybody caught up to him just like me.

Yeah, you're like, I'm as smart as Ken Jennings.

Skulls are like, who's that?

No, no, I'm not as smart as him on, like, only on comics.

I'm not sure.

Do you think you could beat Ken Jennings

Jeopardy comic?

I would love to take him on.

I'd fuck him up.

This is a formal challenge to Ken Jennings.

It just hit the fucking ground.

If any listeners know or see Ken Jennings around Edmonds, Washington, or

around Seattle, Washington.

Let's do it for charity, Ken.

Yeah, come on, Ken.

What are you afraid of?

You put it for the hurricane relief.

Right.

You fucking pussy.

But who's putting up the money?

Come on, pussy boy.

Like, he'll do it like a boxing match.

Like, we know how they get in.

They slam each other verbally for the big joust.

It's like you and Jennings are up in each other's faces and shit.

Like, all

spin on each other.

You're all so angry.

Fucking rallying off shit.

Sabertooth.

Sabertoo, Iron Fish 14.

First appearance.

John Burns.

Chris Claremont.

Whoa.

I'm not even kidding around.

It's all the time.

That's the most boring part of the show to me.

Yeah.

But when they go into a lot of detail, because I'm like, I don't care.

But it still is impressive.

Google that if you're wondering why I said those words, then they know the character, they know who go to Wikipedia and find out what I was saying.

What the issue they appeared in, like all this fucking shit that's like you're telling he knows his shit, too.

That's deep for me, man.

Deep?

Okay, how about

first appearance of Doomsday?

You should know this.

Well, I'm trying to remember the issue number.

It was right in your time when you were in the middle of the day.

No, no,

I don't remember the number of the issue,

but

This is pretty embarrassing.

This is rough.

What are you going to do?

What are you going to do?

Stop posturing that you know your shit.

Isn't the music like,

look?

My little help.

Hold on.

What do you want to know?

The issue?

This is hashtag set.

What do you want to know?

I asked you.

What's the first person?

What do you want to know?

The answer to the question you asked?

That's what you want to know?

I guess I don't know, guys.

To my shame.

I never knew this.

But I never said I know it.

You said I know it.

So why am I being held responsible for this?

Oh, come on, Q.

Think back.

You had a Superman tattoo.

Yeah.

What does that mean?

But this is when you were buying comics, right?

Okay, all right, all right.

First appearance of Ben Riley.

Of Ben Riley.

Who's that?

Spider-Man clone.

Wow.

Oh, there he goes.

The one where his body got thrown in the smokestack or when he came back?

Well,

I'm not wrong.

This is like pussy retarded, right?

Like,

it's crazy.

They're like, hey, man, let's go out tonight.

We'll have a loud conversation about Doomsday and fucking Ben Reilly and shit.

And some girls will hear us and be like, ooh, look at all slick for us.

You want those answers?

Yeah, give me the answers.

All right.

The first appearance of Doomsday

was in Superman, the Man of Steel.

Okay.

Number 17.

Cameo.

Last page.

You didn't even see him.

His fist came out of the ground.

Yeah.

While behind a door.

He was wrong.

Right, punching that vault that he was buried in.

Right, right.

Okay.

The first detective.

Who wrote it?

John Bogdanov Drewet.

Yeah.

Was it Chris.

Was it Juergens writing it or was somebody else writing that one?

That one, you know what?

I don't know that one right off the bat right now.

Okay.

Juergens was writing that era.

Carlin was there at editing, probably.

Carlin was was the editor.

That whole thing was his.

I have a feeling comic book error.

Louise Simonson, maybe Jerkens.

What?

I have a feeling comic book nerds are very familiar with Jerkins.

And then first appearance of Enron.

Technically, the first appearance would probably, well, probably would be Amazing Spider-Man 149 when he fought, you know, when he fought with the jackal,

unveiled the clone.

That's when they hit the body in the.

Well,

they had the,

it exploded in the stadium, and

then in 151, he put the body in the stack.

Okay, there you go.

Okay, so

the body couldn't have been Ben Riley because the body was still in there during the clone saga.

So it would have had to have been in that first issue.

First issue of what you were saying when the 149?

Yeah, when they were going nuts and you saw a bunch of clones.

Can one even talk in an Asian accent, so I feel like I should be bored.

Well, any more ads?

No, no more ads.

I am wondering, though, like,

in a survivalist situation, how valuable is knowing that Doomsday's hand was in issue 17 of Man of Steel?

Does that come in handy at all?

Absolutely not.

No.

No, we never made that claim, though.

Is life just about survival skills?

I'm just wondering.

I mean, you who fucking who, I mean, what are your survival skills?

I don't have to pop on Netflix.

You can't fucking kill people.

Like, hey, comic boys, give me your supplies.

Challenge Steve Dave.

I met you when I moved to the big city.

First, I didn't get very far.

I was a student, but barely with it.

Good look, doesn't care who you are.

I was all over the place.

So wasted, but you fell with my wiki.

Which makes my move to the big city, best decision I ever made.

And I'll do it all over again.

It was the best bet I ever pressed.

But then things began to change.

Me and my Lamigo are the love of my life.

Living sin because the money was tight.

By the shark gun was not one care.

Life goes on, but life's not fair.

Stopping cool and got it, gotta lie in the load.

Presently don't soon be back on the road.

This is all in my memories now.

I'm a working class clown.

Living the only way I know how well.

And I still play my music loud.

You said you weren't the sound of your own voice.

Or you've done too much cocaine.

And I said it now to say after much.

Sink down on the explain.

Maybe I act this way because of you.

Said, don't be afraid, you just got nothing better to do.

Nothing better to do.

I met you when I moved to the big city, and you never far from my dreams.

We said we'd be together for now and to forever.

But forever is not what it seems.

You were evincent, I was ignorant of how much joy a single person could bring.

You're not happy, I'm alone.

No one's fault but my own.

But you know I don't regret it.

And I still can't barely sing.

After this, I can do your dream.

Let's call for cocktails and pipes.

You said you would sign the sound of your own voice, or you got too much cocaine.

And I said there's nothing to say yes to you, but

say don't let me explain.

Maybe I act this way because of you.

Said, don't be a break, you've just got nothing better to do.

Nothing better to do.

This has been a production of Smodco Internet Radio, sir, only at Smodcast.com.