#345: #NOTOKAY

And a perv watching

watching me poop

because my wife won't let me.

Bitch, if you want to put this away in the further place.

Tell him Steve Dave.

Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave with Q.

Hello.

With Walt.

And featuring the Tell him Steve Dave dancers.

I wish

that'd be great.

Every pod we did.

Walt, you look like you're worn out.

I was gonna say it.

It's only Thursday.

You don't seem like you're in a good mood, you see.

No, no, no, no, it's just you know how it is.

I I don't know how you deal with it.

I don't know how you deal with your schedule.

And I I know you've been testy and uh

I can uh I can't even imagine dealing with what you deal with because uh I you what I'm dealing with is nothing compared to you're dealing with, but you know, in the middle of uh CBM, I tend to really start to withdraw as I have to be more gregarious during the daytime than I'm normally am.

Like, all my gregariousness, I'm using up on compliments, I have none left for anybody else when it's over.

Really?

So, you go home and they expect gregarious Walt and

like, sorry, I use it on some dude I'll never see again.

I get very

just about this point where I start to, my energy starts to dip.

And he keeps it real.

We had some AMC execs here today, and I know one of the guys, so I say hello, and Ming, of course, can't get enough of him.

Not only is he off to the side not talking to them, he has his back to them.

And it's not like he's on the phone texting or something.

I'm like, are you trying to add insult to injury?

That's not on purpose.

It's just very real.

Very real.

What do they want?

They want glad handing or do they want the best performance that Walt Flanagan could provide for their TV show?

Well, I don't think it occurs to them that he's so disturbed because all they see is the footage from the TV show.

So they assume he's like this all the time.

And they probably think he just doesn't like us for whatever reason.

They went over to him.

They're like, tell us, what is it about, you know,

being rich and on TV that bothers you?

Taxes.

I am concerned, though, with

my friend.

A friend, you know, Mike, Mike Zapsic used to dye his hair, and then he went off the dye.

I like it.

I like the new Mike.

Right?

Yeah.

About a week ago, I see him carrying in these two boxes of hair dye, and I thought he had relapsed.

And it turned out it wasn't for him,

it's for Walt,

who

is accepting free hair dye, not even in the shade that his hair is.

Because it's free.

That to me seems weird.

I clearly don't dye my hair, but isn't it super cheap?

It's like, from what I understand

at the

drugstore, it might be like $15 or something.

Oh, no, that's not that.

That's more than I thought it was going to be.

Right.

Let me also say, since all four of us make the same amount of money, I know how much he makes per week.

And it wouldn't be a burden to at least match the shade of your hair with the dye you're buying.

But is that how little you

care, I guess, is what I'm trying to get at?

I think it's a great example of how little I care.

I think it says it all.

It couldn't get more perfect.

Yeah, I don't think it says it all.

I don't think any more needs to be said.

I think we can move on.

Well, I want to know, though, like when you go home,

is there a noticeable difference in shit?

Because I know Mike's hair looked fucked up.

That's why he stopped dying it.

It was like jet black, right?

Yeah, but I don't think this wasn't black.

As far as I could tell, I was trying to.

Maybe it's just dark brown.

I didn't take it.

I don't even think, he didn't even tell me he brought it in.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I didn't even know he even brought it in.

Where is it?

I don't know.

Take it off tonight.

I lose both boxes.

I don't care.

You just double fist and die.

If you weren't married, you don't think you'd be butt dyeing your hair, right?

Oh, absolutely.

Oh, you wouldn't?

Oh, yeah.

She prefers dark to gray, but so do I.

I mean, even if I wasn't married, I still would.

I got complimented today by Luke Cage.

Said I had a baby face.

I think if I had the gray hair, I don't think he would have said that.

Wow.

Right?

I didn't hear him call Mike or you babyfaced.

No, he didn't, but he also didn't call Ming babyfaced.

And in all fairness to Luke Cage, you had a hat on, so he wouldn't have been able to tell.

Well, you can see a little bit of the hair on the sideburns and on the face.

Yeah, he could tell.

He wondered if Walt's mom had signed a permission slip for him to be on TV.

That's funny.

Why?

Well, so if you weren't married, do you think it would be because you're out there and you're on the map?

No, it's just a personal preference.

Yeah.

You know,

I don't, you know, I don't think it would be,

you know, I think you might mind to maybe just try it after the season's over, see what, you know, what's a little doikaje for you.

Not mics, not mics.

I wouldn't use mics.

But if you don't have a little bit more of the color that you used to have, then I got to grow it out.

Like after.

Then I look like white trash, like where

my roots are all dark.

You look great.

This is a good look for you.

I think this is the ultimate show of not caring rather than taking secondhand die.

Hey, it makes you feel better, right?

A little bit better?

That's what's important.

I don't even know if I would say it makes me feel better.

I prefer it.

I really don't even, unless someone brings it up, I don't even think about it.

Right.

Yeah.

Just the way I would rather.

So I'm giving you something to think about.

It's my way of giving the finger to Father Time.

And I will always give that motherfucker the finger.

He is.

Eat my shit.

Okay.

Okay.

Not you.

Let's talk about Father Time.

It is interesting.

I was thinking about this a couple days ago when we did a banter about like, would you rather

have immortality or live five years as a superhero?

And without hesitation, Walt says immortality, despite the drawbacks to immortality, which are like everyone around you will die.

Then there's no takeback.

So it's like if you're immortal, you're like, well, fuck.

Well, that's always my thing with the immortality thing.

Like, you have to be able to end it when you want.

Like, if you're just going to live forever, you can't take that deal.

Because eventually the universe is going to be dead and it'll just be you floating in space

insane.

But without missing a beat, he wanted to be immortal.

And you live like...

Don't assume just because you'd go insane than I would

floating in space.

I would just chill out for millennia just in space.

I'd think about stuff.

You'd probably be in pain.

How I diss the AMC exist.

But think about why.

Like, what's worth pondering for all time?

I would find something.

I would find something.

I think that

you can't grasp immortality.

Our minds aren't able to

take it on the full and encompass what it all encompasses.

And that's okay.

I mean, you don't get it.

Wait, are you saying he doesn't get it?

Very tricky the way you word things sometimes.

Did you just call me dumb?

As an immortal?

I mean, this scenario

didn't go into all the small details.

It wouldn't even matter.

I mean,

if you're

big details, like are you wrecking it?

What if for 10 billion years the whole universe is on fire and then you're burning for 10 billion years?

But eventually the universe will be reborn.

Like other times, there'll be a new new bang.

Yeah.

And I'll be there.

I'll see it all happen from the start all over again.

I mean, at least somebody would be there to document it and prove it to everyone else later on who's like, was it Big Bang or is it?

What's it saying that humans evolve again?

What if they don't?

What if it's just Walt?

Yeah, you're going to have to fuck a frog or something in the beginning.

Or let's say it really was an evolution.

Maybe that was the big lie.

So after the 10 billion years of burning, God's like, psych.

Yeah.

It's no big deal.

See, it's hurting your head already, right?

No.

Is it a headache already?

Because that's just normal.

That little headache you're forming.

I don't know about that.

I could tell.

I could see you're shaking it off.

I saw that little nod on it.

You would live so long that identity would mean nothing anyway.

You would cease to be Walt Flanagan.

You would just be this thing going on.

Well, he could reinvent himself as fucking Paco Roban, international spy.

All right.

But it did make me curious because I'm trying to figure out, like,

what is it about life that you love so much, or are you like, you can't even conceive of, like, oh, my God.

Like, getting old and dying,

that's the ultimate worst.

It's a baby's laugh.

It's a bird chirping.

What What is this?

A fucking

90s commercial or whatever.

Fucking sponsor that.

It's feeling the sun upon your skin.

These are all the things that

you should never

take for granted, and we all do, but

those are the reasons why you want to be here.

When was the last time the sun touched your skin?

You looked like a corpse.

What happens if there is an awesome afterlife and then you're forever denied it?

I'll make do.

I'll float around.

I can't argue with I'll make do.

I'll make do.

I'll be fine.

I know

how I roll, and I think

I'd be pretty tight and pretty down with being immortal.

I mean, at some point, if there's a God, he has to step in and be like, well, I mean, you're around anyway, so do you want to be

right-hand man?

Or is he mad?

He's like, you cheated me.

Maybe he doesn't even notice.

Why does everybody think God's focus is on us?

Because that's what you're brought up to believe, right?

God is everywhere at all times.

He's watching you, much like San Azells.

He's watching you to make sure if you're bad or good.

If he's fucking everywhere at all times, that means he's fucking billions of

light years away as well.

Right.

And a perv watching.

Watching me.

Poop.

Do your business.

Well, I'm sure that

that's a natural act, though.

That's just what humans have

made to be perverse and naughty.

That's like sneezing.

Yeah.

You know, we don't try to hide a sneeze.

So why are we trying to hide in number two?

Well, why'd you come down on me and him when we were early on?

We were like, sure.

Oh, no, no, no.

When you're doing it for sexual gratification, then it's dirty.

Then it's perverse in God's man.

All right.

I like this.

You know how they have books like Philosophy According to Dexter, Philosophy According to Breaking Bed, Philosophy According to Walt Flanagan, I would read it.

Oh, my God.

I'd love to read it.

I'd be like, Netflix, please make this delicious.

Right, Dean, but you have to agree, right, though, that we have made number one and two to be like

the be-all, end-all in terms of like, you know, that's

like, like you said, like if you sneeze or if you cough.

I think menstruation is worse.

I think that has more of a.

Also, it's not like if someone sneezes, you're like, oh, God, who sneezed?

Because it smells like shit.

What did you fucking eat last year?

Was it shit when you ate it?

Yeah, you sneezed it out.

Oh, you think it has to do with the odor?

I think so.

Both?

Well, I think if you're in public and someone burps, it's like, oh, it's weird.

People don't normally burp in public.

But if somebody farts, everyone wants to.

It wasn't me.

It wasn't me.

I thought everyone laughs like crazy.

What's that?

Everyone laughs like crazy, though, I thought.

On television, when someone farts, it's the funniest thing since the banana peel.

It depends on

the fart replaced the banana peel is the go-to.

It did.

You know it has.

A fart on TV is just like the go-to for a little bit.

Or in like kids' movies.

Yeah.

Like that cut bathroom humor is pretty big, like light bathroom humor.

But we stigmatized

some things that we probably didn't need to.

I always found it strange, like when you're watching a TV show,

I mean, how many times have we traveled together?

Not once have we pulled off to the side of the road and literally pissed like six inches apart from each other.

And that happens in the movies or TV all the time.

People are talking with their dicks out and they're pissing all over the ground.

At least, like, when they show girls, it's like one of them's pissing near a tree and one's over in a different area, and they're kind of like yelling to each other.

Yeah.

Remember in Harold the Second, Harold and Kumar when he's pissing on the side of the road and Jamie Kennedy's just there at the bush?

Yeah.

So fucking weird.

I love those movies, man.

Yeah.

The second one, they had the bottomless party.

Yeah.

I thought they were all good.

I think all three of them are home runs.

I'm surprised they don't get more

respect in the comedy world because they're really funny, those movies.

Oh, they don't get the respect they deserve?

I don't think.

I don't know.

When was the last time you heard anybody mention it?

No one calls it like, oh, it's a classic.

Yeah, and it's a trilogy, and every movie's really good.

But like something like American Pie.

Yeah, you still American Pie.

Well, yeah, I wonder why, too.

And you'd think it would fly more in this day and age, too, of

the diversity.

the well, they made three of them.

They had to do very well.

Yeah, but you don't hear it regarded or talked about in the same way, I don't think.

And I think they should.

All right, let's get that going.

Yeah, we'll get that going.

They should make another one.

How, uh, I don't know, would you use those guys?

Yeah, yeah, I know.

They still got it.

Oh, I think they still got it.

The last movie was about them getting old anyway.

So, like, you just keep it up.

I don't know.

What do I know?

Stay tuned for Jane Silent Bob.

Talking about getting old.

Oh, I'll tell you what, man.

I saw Kevin in San Diego.

It was kind of cool, man.

His hair is getting, he's growing his hair out.

That's what I heard.

He's growing it long again.

Yeah, it was weird.

It was like a little time warp.

I was like, oh, fuck.

Like, his hair's peeking out of the hat like that and shit.

Yeah.

It was pretty cool.

How did San Diego treat you?

Was it.

I loved it.

You loved it, huh?

I love San Diego.

I love Comic-Con, man.

It's a blast every year.

Got to walk around.

Nobody recognized me?

No.

Oh, it was great.

Were you wearing a mask?

No.

I had because I lost the weight and I cut my hair.

People, I just fucking walk right past people.

They don't notice.

I was walking with Casey Joes,

who does the wrap-up on our show, and people were asking him for photos.

I was taking photos for him with fans of him.

Practically

who I was.

It was fucking awesome.

It was good.

That's funny.

We were going to go, me and Ming, and then

everything falls apart like it normally does.

I know.

Met the cast of preacher.

Yeah.

They were fucking cool, man.

That kid who plays R's Faces lives in Malmond County.

Yeah, he came into the store

before he got the role.

Oh, cool.

Yeah.

Did he buy the Arcs Face special?

He did.

He brought all the preacher books.

He said that he had gotten the role and he wanted to read up on

the series, and

he brought all the trade paperbacks at the stash.

Oh, cool.

He hasn't been back since.

He's big time now.

He doesn't need you.

He's all right.

He's a good guy.

We can get him in.

Could do what?

Buy some more stuff.

Buy some books.

Q, last week,

or last show,

people were so impressed with your advice giving.

Really?

That the advice, the request for advice have flooded in.

Somebody said they want to call this segment Q's Tips.

Q's Tips.

Q's Tips?

Q Tips.

Yeah, but I mean, eventually I'm going to give bad advice.

That's going to go wrong.

Do we want to keep going back to this well?

I don't know.

Maybe Walt answers this one.

Because the most pointing.

Do you want want to do the show today?

I don't like to give anybody personal advice.

The best advice I ever gave got such a backlash that I feel like maybe we should quit while we're ahead.

Or I told that kid he's got to learn to take a punch, so he should fucking get into it.

Well, that's because that wasn't the best advice.

That was great advice.

I fear nothing because I know I could take it.

You know, you can take it.

I could take a fucking punch.

You know how many punches I've taken?

So I don't worry about them.

Life's punching bag.

But people don't want to hear it.

So you don't want to give any advice to people.

Oh, let's do it.

Walt, you might know because you're married, Walt.

You need to weigh in on this kind of stuff.

You got the swinging bachelor, BQ.

And then you got old, reliable, Walt Flanagan.

And then the wild card.

And then me.

You never know who I'm going to side with.

Okay, so this is a woman.

She's 35 years old.

She's been happily married for nine and a half years.

Husband is her best friend.

They enjoy all kinds of stuff together.

Now she tends to have guy friends always since she was a kid.

She doesn't fit in with many women.

She likes to play rough and get dirty.

She goes kayaking, camping by herself, all that kind of thing.

She has two extremely close guy friends.

These are

pseudonyms.

I'm not going to use their real names.

Sam,

who she texts on a daily basis.

He knows everything there is to know about her, and her husband is 100% aware of how much we talk and the basic context of the conversations.

She never hides anything from the husband.

Sam and this woman are tight.

He has never once expressed to me, oh, wait a second, I'm sorry.

But Sam started

saying that he expressed feelings for her

after being a friend for so long.

She asked if he would like me to stop, if he would like her to stop texting, but she doesn't want to hurt him.

He vehemently opposed that idea, so he checks in, she checks in now and then.

And then there's another friend,

pseudonym Andrew.

She's also close with him.

Andrew expressed feelings for this other buddy.

All of a sudden,

feelings of love and jealousy are creeping into his mind.

The jealousy isn't with her husband so much as the other friend, Sam.

Sam and she have friendship chemistry.

He's like a brother, loves him like a brother.

She loves Andrews, but there isn't just the same chemistry.

She hates hurting Andrew.

Can't end the relationship with Sam.

What does she do here?

I mean, she's the problem.

She's the problem.

What is she lacking in her life that she needs this sort of drama?

You're married.

Your husband's your best best friend.

It's your job to get his back in situations like that.

The second that a guy expresses interest in you, he's only doing it to fucking hope that there's some hope, which means that he's trying to stab your fucking husband in the back.

So are you the type of person that are going to let people stab your husband in the back?

Or at least conspire to

right now, you're placing Sam ahead of your husband.

You want to put your husband, you want to be a good wife?

She thinks it's between Sam and Andrew.

It really has nothing to to do with that.

No,

Sam fucking stuck it right in the husband's back by expressing feelings.

And the fact that she still spoke to him after that tells me that there's a problem with her.

That's that.

You either got your husband's back or you don't.

And you're fucking, you got to come up with it.

I love the no nonsense.

Love it.

That's it.

That's all it is.

Like, you either a good wife or you're a bad wife.

It's up to you because right now you're not being a good wife.

Done deal.

Sam's got to go.

Andrew's got to go.

Counterpoint, Walt?

I'm not even sure why you even worried about giving bad advice.

You were worried you were not going to be able to come through again.

You nailed it again.

You nailed it again.

She needs to stop worrying about friends and start worrying about

the guy that she's married to.

Right.

Or get divorced and involve yourself in this stupidity.

If you want drama, this is it.

How many friends does anybody really does a person need?

I don't know.

According to you, Zero, you float around the universe for eternity.

You really don't need many friends.

You don't need a lot of friends.

No, you don't.

I've found that it's more a hassle than

anything else.

You got to

navigate everybody's different personality.

And I'm like, you know what?

I'll just go eat by myself.

It comes down to: should I eat lunch with someone?

Navigate.

Everybody's got a pizza.

Person's personality.

No,

that was a metaphor.

I'll go eat by myself.

I mean, I'll, you know what?

I'll see you later.

I'm going to go do my own soul.

I'm going to go.

I'm going to go.

My back to you.

But everybody who I consider a friend has to be treated differently.

Yeah.

And

you're tired of the kid gloves.

Yeah, yeah.

That grows wearisome as you get, especially

if they're high maintenance.

Some of these guys sound like they may be.

So does she, you know.

And again, and then I don't understand when you're reaching out to a podcast

involving more people into your life that you don't need to.

Well, who can she ask?

I mean, you can't ask your husband or any of those two.

Go to therapy.

I would fucking write into this podcast before I ask my mother for advice.

Ask her for advice.

I would write in under a different name.

Ditto.

Ask your mother, ask your father.

They'll give you the best advice that you can have.

I disagree with that.

Not knowing your parents.

I guarantee.

Well, yeah, not knowing them, but for the most part,

you can always go to them because they've already dealt with it already.

Maybe not on the way that you're dealing with it because you got your fucking phone.

Everybody's going to have the fucking phone and have their friends looking at it.

That's the problem.

This guy texts me.

This guy goes.

That's the problem.

Why are you interrupting?

My bad.

That's the problem, though, right?

If you didn't have these fucking phones,

you wouldn't have these problems.

Well, you wouldn't be in touch with the Sam every day.

You wouldn't be dealing with his texts every day.

It would have to be phone calls or in person.

Right.

And he's not going to say that in person.

He's not going to be like, hey, let me express feelings for you.

It's so much easier over time.

And if you're bringing up that I text constantly, I'm texting my fucking wife.

Not your friend who's female?

Good for you.

Because I don't have any female friends.

No female friends.

I never have had a female friend, and I never will have a female friend because my wife won't let me.

And I agree with that because I agree because this is what happens.

Okay.

How old were you when you got married?

Young.

You were like 24?

25?

25, maybe?

25?

Okay.

So I met you, say, when you were roughly 10.

So 15 years before you guys got married, I don't remember your wife being like, no female friends for you.

I remember that being pretty frustrating.

Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah.

It's not, yeah, it's not only her.

Her,

it wasn't because of her.

It's everything, no.

But it's like, you're like, don't start expressing feelings for me, shit like that.

Well, it's inevitable.

Not for me.

I'm talking about letting guys and girls become friends

most of the time.

I mean, not all the time.

Of course, you're going to hear, not me and my friend.

And I'll hear that.

Well,

good for you and him.

I don't think I don't give a fuck.

I don't.

I've been fucking on CBM set all fucking week, and now I got to talk to you guys now about your fucking problems

on a voluntary pod list.

How many more weeks is to go with that?

I don't know if Tarm Steve will survive.

I agree with you in as much as

the female friend thing I found anyway.

If you have a female friend and you're a guy,

there is always a moment where you're like, hmm.

I wonder.

Can I fuck this one?

Yes.

Who are you talking to?

It's my defining trait in life.

Yeah, exactly.

Like these friends who you would be like, oh, he's like a brother.

I have brothers.

They hardly ever try to fuck me.

But But that's what these guys are like.

My feelings have moved past friendship.

And who knows even when that happened?

Because really that's what they're thinking.

They're not like, oh, I know.

So are you saying that there are some female listeners out there

possibly right now listening and they're going, well, I have a friend and I know he hasn't thought about me that way.

You're saying that you're wrong.

At some point, they're like.

I am wrong.

if that friend is gay because if they're not they're thinking about banging you and they have thought about banging you.

And I don't care how good of fucking friends you think you are or how much of a fucking brother or sister or whatever.

That guy is like,

at some point, he's scheming.

No, but he's wondered.

Not everybody's

like a fucking wolf and sheep.

A Sam or Andrew.

Right.

But yeah, it's definitely popped in

mind.

It has to.

It's unnatural for a guy and a girl to be friends.

I don't know about that.

I don't know about that.

I'm just trying to lead you out of the game.

I think you just have to accept the fact that that's going to be a part of it.

Right.

Unspoken, undercurrent, deep undercurrent.

If you're a male and a female, your friendship is in a lot of ways

defined by the fact that you don't fuck.

You know what I mean?

And it's the absence of any sexuality.

And

that's only

possible by acknowledging the fact that normally there is sexuality.

It's just, you can't separate the two.

I'm not saying you can't be friends.

Believe me, I know what it's like to be friends with someone who won't fuck you.

I know.

I know.

Dude, I'm sorry.

I've told you many times.

I don't know why you won't.

We spend a lot of time together.

But I do know this.

If you get married

and you

want to be married, then you shouldn't have Sam Mar Andrews in your life.

Guys fucking over your husband.

Guys making moves behind your husband's back and you're allowing it.

I think that's a good point.

it should be shut down immediately.

She's like, hey, would it be easier for you if I don't text?

But like, I wonder, she doesn't say, I don't think.

It's not up to him.

It's not up to Sam.

It's up to her.

Well, I don't think, though, that she even said if she told her husband, because that's probably as a husband, that's something you would want to know.

What do you think of the guys who are so confident in

their position that they're okay with their wives or women with their husbands having friends of the opposite sex?

I mean, I guess it depends on your

that dude or woman's relationship with a friend.

Like,

if you know them as well, if they're not some mystery, you know what I mean?

Like, if you're kind of friends with them or even better, are friends with them as well, then why not?

You know what I mean?

It sounds like it's not the husband's friends.

There's no fucking way a girlfriend of mine is going out for dinner with some fucking Sam.

that I don't know.

Some Andrew.

Fucking let alone a wife.

I'm going out with Sam tonight, and I don't know everything about Sam.

Right.

Listen to me.

It ain't happening.

It's not happening.

So, your gal would not be allowed to have male friends that

I don't know.

But if you do knew that, if you knew them, it'd be a different story?

Completely fine.

Completely fine.

And then,

well, what do you really know, though?

Like, how much do you have to know them?

What's quote-unquote knowing them mean?

What does that entail?

I mean, ideally, background check.

We would hang out without her sometimes.

You know what I mean?

But

I don't know.

I mean, look, everybody's got to make their own rules and what it is.

And if you don't trust your wife, I mean, I guess if you do trust her, then you should let her do whatever you want, whatever she wants, which is great and fine.

I'm trying to unravel.

We should go on to the next question.

Yeah, but to me, it's like.

Do you want another one?

To me, it's like, I don't know.

We're like, oh, it's Sam fault.

What Sam doing?

I mean, what's he offering?

Why is he so fucking good?

Yeah, like, what do Sam and Andrew bring to the table?

That's so great.

Oh, is it that?

Is it

she's like, oh, all these guys like for her, that's what it is.

It's attention.

It's the need for drama.

And if you still need that in your life, you shouldn't be married.

10 years.

It's her best friend, dude.

Whatever.

Okay.

All right.

Well, you heard it.

As I said,

drop Sam and Andrew because there's.

And drop your phone plan.

Don't even text.

Don't get texts anymore.

Well, how's she supposed to text her husband then?

And really, you're texting your wife that much all day?

Who am I texting?

Every time I look at you, I look at you, you're on your phone, like, doing something.

I'm not typing, though.

I'm reading.

I know, but

I'm assuming you're reading a text from your wife.

There's no fucking way you're reading that shit without glasses.

I know that.

Oh, no, no.

I am.

I got bigger font now.

I figured that out.

Giddim told me how to put bigger font on my phone.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I'm texting Giddam, too.

He's helped me out with some of the

some good jokes on CBM.

That's all.

Really?

Because he texts me jokes, and he hasn't helped me out once.

First of all, I always see him two hours after he texts them, and then when I read it, I'm.

On the fly, he's feeding me lines.

I don't know.

This is a joke one.

Somebody trying to give advice to Q.

It's advice to me, good.

Yeah, it doesn't seem like it's real.

What do we got?

I need advice.

Oh, wait.

Holy cow.

Are you interested in a follow-up?

No more advice.

But we will go into a follow-up because I know people love updates, right?

The lady with the pictures.

Remember the last time?

Yes.

Okay.

The girl from the pictures and videos came out for a visit.

Unfortunately, the episode hadn't come out yet, so she wasn't able to use your advice, Q.

There was fighting and talking and.

Oh.

But there was fighting and talking, and she came to the conclusion oh I guess she was fighting with her boyfriend came to the conclusion that if she trusted him she just needed to get over it she brought up the question of why he would show her those pictures especially now that he was questioning why she would be upset about it and he she's pretty sure he understands the stupidity of those actions especially now that she's been bitching about it

people write so much

despite how it sounds he's a great guy who has some faults and fucks up sometimes would you say like would your wife be like, eh, he fucks up sometimes?

Like, what's a yeah, like, what's a Walt fuck up?

I feel like it's different than a bribe.

Yeah, yeah, it's a lot different.

Yeah.

It's so easy to smooth over.

Yeah, like if

it doesn't involve cops.

It would be like, um,

where did you put

the

like I said,

I had a little I had that little pimple.

Where's the die?

No, no, I had that and I had this special thing

to put under my eye when I had that thing.

Oh, the mosquito bite?

Yeah, the mosquito bite.

And I remember

a fuck-up would be like, hey, where's that cream at?

Why are you always moving my cream?

And then she'd go, and then my wife would come into the bathroom and be like, and point to it, and I didn't see it.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, so you get all like.

Yeah, I blame her for moving something, and she really didn't even move it.

Huh.

Wow.

I'm just trying to envision a life where, like, that's the most major thing that happens to me during the week.

Like, that's not even within, say, 10 minutes of getting up.

It's worse than that.

Well, I said it kind of sorry.

Oh, yeah.

I would be like, where's that cream?

You know, the cream from under my eye, that nap bite?

I know you moved it.

Well, it's like that.

I said it like that.

So she's not even in sight.

Yeah, she's.

You're just like, are you more grousing out loud or are you talking to her?

No, I'm talking to her.

And I said it, but I said it with that though.

I know you moved it.

Very accusatory.

Yeah.

Because

your wife is a neat nick, so she's constantly growing.

Yeah, I assume that if I can't find it, and it's wrong of me to assume that she's moved it, and

I just haven't looked hard enough.

Right.

All right.

Wow.

It's pretty.

That's a big foot poll.

That's a blow-up.

There it is.

Oh, sorry.

That's calm waters.

I like that.

You wouldn't label that as bry fuck-up on that level?

If I'm like, where did you put that?

Well, first off,

I would definitely do that, but

it would be a little surlier where I would be like, where the fuck is that eye cream?

Why the fuck do you always move everything?

Yeah,

that tone,

that's not a normal tone.

And then once I saw it.

And it wasn't moved by whoever you were accusing.

But if she was like, yeah, if the person was was like, it's right there, I'd be like, oh.

Then I wouldn't apologize.

Wait a minute.

And

that O says it all.

That's like that stupid, like, oh.

Yeah.

Well, you mean right there?

I'm not saying I'm right.

I'm just saying this is the way it goes.

But that's as close as she's going to get

to an apology.

You're going to be like, oh.

I said, oh.

Yeah.

What more do you want?

Bitch, if you would have put this away in the first place,

I think every once in a while,

if I'm dead wrong about something, I'll be like, I'll say sorry.

Yeah.

Takes a lot.

Because usually I'm mad about something.

It's like it's leading up to that.

Like, I guess life led up to that point.

One and a half.

Yeah, so that's why I'm mad about the cream and everything else.

But that wouldn't constitute a sorry.

Yeah, probably.

Probably not.

Always enough.

Oh.

oh, and probably in her mind, she's like, Why?

Why?

Why?

What an asshole.

And in my mind, I'm like, well, you know, for next time when she moves it, maybe I won't say anything.

You're going to get a pass.

Yeah, you just got a free pass.

Be happy with it.

Yeah, I don't know.

I try to not be a powder keg, but sometimes it just happens.

And

that's why, once in a while, when I travel,

I use my away

What is this away carry-on bag?

Oh, yeah, I use this it's it's pretty cool, right?

It's pretty fucking cool like sometimes we talk about stuff and my heart's not in it they sent us one

But yeah, they sent us one and I won't lie man, I was like

who who wants a fucking

a bag that you can like charge your phone on?

Oh, right.

You've never been stuck with a layover with no fucking

you're totally right.

You're totally right because everyone crowds around those things, but your away bag is charged up, and then you got like a Bluetooth, so it has like an iPhone thing or that other little, whatever, that mini USB.

Yeah, it's got a battery pack built into the luggage.

Right.

So away,

they're a team of thinkers,

seekers, and designers.

They're focused.

You would not believe how much is written on this copy.

This is so much.

Like, do it in 30 seconds.

Well, I remember it because I used it and I was impressed by it, so I sort of flipped through the book.

It's indestructible.

And if it

has like a nice shell on the edge, and if they say if anything does break on it, it's a lifetime warranty.

And you know what?

I mean, this is maybe a testament to how

small my life is.

But like, I came with that bag that you can put your laundry in.

I'm like, this is awesome.

If it's just that bag.

Don't feel that way because I have to tell you, what's the name of this company again?

Away.

Away.

I got one of them too.

I mean, I don't even travel, and I used it around the house.

I would put stuff in it and just drag it around.

And just walk it move together.

I would literally take the, you know, how you take that apparatus out of it that becomes a handle.

Because

I've never owned a bag like that.

And

in my mind, ever since I was a little kid, when I saw businessmen walking with those kind of bags,

it screamed important.

Right.

And it screamed professional.

And now I had one.

And now I wasn't traveling anywhere, but I wanted to, you know, make sure I got some use out of it.

So I would, you know, I brought it to the grocery store.

Instead of using a bag, I put it in the

keysteal.

The luggage.

All that shit.

No, no, no.

I didn't steal it.

I just told the lady, I'm going to put all the snapple in the suitcase, okay?

When I was checking out.

Yeah, and then I just put that in.

Oh, I thought you meant instead of a shopping cart.

No, no, no, no.

I have a shopping cart too.

But I brought the bag in with me so that, like, because I don't want'cause s I buy a lot of snapple

and it's so heavy for the plastic bag.

So I was like, you know, I'm going to bring this luggage.

I'm going to put it all in the luggage.

And the lady's like, I've never seen anybody fill up, you know, a suitcase full of snapple.

I believe she was telling the truth.

And I was just like, yeah, I know, but like, I don't have to worry about it breaking now.

And I can charge my phone while I'm doing it.

Yeah, I don't go to I don't go to airports, so, you know, but I do go to the grocery store.

There you go.

It it's either an acceptable carry-on or a snapple carrier.

And I know that when I walk out of the store, I saw people watching me.

I'm sure that.

I'm sure they were.

There goes an important man.

There goes a guy that's doing the same thing school children do every day, tracking their bag behind him.

Not in a sweet-ass bag like that.

No, I don't know.

That looks like, you know, that looks like Armani.

It looks like

Giamani, whatever, anything like that.

All the Manis.

Yeah.

Any Manny you can name.

Yeah.

It also looks like a guy that they're like, is he homeless?

Why is he dragging a fucking luggage around with him?

It's clinking a lot.

Oh, this is just my snapple.

I told the lady up front.

She goes, she wanted to put, I swear to God,

she wanted to put a paint sticker on.

I was like, I'm not going to put it on the bag.

I said, I'll just hold it on my hand.

I said,

I'm an important businessman.

She says, people travel in steamer trunks.

They get the stickers on them and stuff like that.

You should do that with a paint sticker.

Like food town, stop and shop, Whole Foods.

I thought it would cheapen the effect if I had all those little chintzy stickers.

Were you dressed in a suit, or were you like this?

I was dressed just like this.

Just in my shorts and a t-shirt.

I'm sure someone mistook you for a poor businessman.

It happened.

Don't worry.

I know they didn't mistake me for a businessman, but I know that they were like, I never thought of that.

That is a fucking great idea.

Saving the world,

being an environmentalist, environmentalist, and showing off my new fucking suitcase.

Sometimes I think you definitely need more company at lunch.

Someone to interrupt these thoughts.

My wife was like, I'm not going with you.

It's near the suitcase.

You're like, I've made my decision.

Away uses high-quality materials while offering a much lower price compared to other brands.

They cut out the middleman.

That seems to be the key, right?

Cutting out the middleman.

Yeah.

Nine colors, four sizes.

But what about the middleman, though?

The middleman is like.

He's scared shitless right now.

Times have never been worse for the middleman

than 2017 when

Casper is doing it.

Away is doing it.

They're like, fuck the middleman because you want to save money.

For over the years.

For too long, the middleman has been in our lives.

High pressure.

Don't vilify the middleman.

I don't know why.

I haven't gotten that far into my fault yet.

But we always vilify the middleman.

He's a piece of shit.

He's there as like because he's made you feel that he's like indispensable, that he's a necessary part of whatever it is you're doing.

He's like, hey, I'm the middleman.

I'm here to facilitate.

And you're like, fuck you, I got the internet.

You may not need a middleman now, but one day, you never know.

And when, you know,

you're at the top of the ladder, but on the way down, you may become a middleman at at some point.

Right.

I'm like, who wants to buy this mattress?

They're like, fuck you.

You ever hear a Casper?

You're like, I have.

Remember me?

Want to see me do a flip on this mattress?

It's like an impractical joke.

Just, hold on, let me try again.

I didn't get it that time.

I'm 60.

I didn't think it was going to play out like this.

I'm so glad I'm not immortal.

Nothing wrong, though.

Like,

if you have to resort to being a middleman,

I'll tell you what.

The middleman worked out really good for me when I used to buy drugs.

Because I was never putting myself directly in harm's way, and the middleman was.

But that was a hell of a markup, though.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, the middleman's got to eat.

He's taking all the risks.

And trust me, I tried to buy it on the internet.

I was too late, too late to the game.

And I'd never heard of Silk Road.

Suitcases are made with premium German polycarbonate.

Nice.

From Deutschland.

Yeah, that's the best kind.

Yeah.

They're efficient, man.

Yeah, they know what they're doing.

Yeah, they're like, is that German polycarbonate in your suitcase?

It's unrivaled in strength and impact resistant.

You don't want no Polish or Norwegian?

No.

Come on.

What's it called?

Parliament?

Chinese?

Polycarbon?

Polycarbonate?

You don't want any.

You just want the German.

Right.

It's the Mercedes of polycarbonate.

The interior features a patent-pending compression system.

What does that mean, patent-pending?

They haven't cleared it yet, but they have a patent, but

it hasn't been totally approved yet.

So, could we look at this?

No, the paperwork's in, and then it gets backdated to when you put the paperwork in.

Gotcha, okay.

TSA approved.

Yeah, you didn't know that.

Mate?

No.

I mean, well, I'm not a fucking inventor.

That's true.

I would have put a clock in it.

That's That's true.

What'd you invent?

I invented the new shopping card.

I was bringing a fucking piece of luggage to

a food store and looking the fool.

TSA-approved combination lock.

Both sizes of the carry-on are able to charge cell phones, tablets, e-readers, anything else that's powered by a USB

cord, like say a vape.

Could you record on a piece of luggage?

What do you mean?

Could we record an episode of TSD off the luggage, like, you know, using the luggage as the power?

Yes, I could.

I'm not sure how long it lasts, but yeah, I could plug this into the luggage and do that at some point.

That'd be a great commercial

for Ally.

What's his place by

100-day trial, live with it, vibe with it, Q?

Travel with it.

Instagram at Walt.

Did you Instagram yourself at the food store following around kicking the snapple?

No, I will, though.

Okay.

Yeah, get a French bullet.

Bring your dog in, yeah.

I mean, if he was a service dog, which I tried to do.

I heard you could just buy vests on eBay.

Yeah, I did.

I looked into it on, you could just buy a service dog vest on eBay.

And I was going to do it, but then I was like,

it's pretty damn obvious he's not a service dog.

If he goes anywhere, he'd be pulling around like a lunatic.

Not true.

Anything can be.

Drooling all over the place.

Guinea pigs, parrots, self-defense.

Fucking chameleon.

People are bringing all kinds of shit on planes.

Just because you want to bring them in.

Well, yeah, you know what?

Then I'm thinking, you know what?

I really want to bring him in.

He's more hustled, you know,

and

it wouldn't be that much gained other than getting over on the supermarket that I have my dog in here, you know.

Right.

And they're still celebrating you from your recent innovations.

So you wouldn't want to get them mad at you.

Free shipping on any order, on any away order within the Continental United States.

Did you take it to San Diego, Q?

No, but I did take it on a last live show, like the weekend that we went.

Yeah.

It was great.

It's not like a five-day trip bag, you know what I mean?

It's like a weekend thing.

Oh, yeah, you need a bigger one for well.

I sweat, like you wouldn't fucking believe, so I always gotta overpack.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, I don't.

I'm just the exact opposite.

I don't sweat at all.

I always, I basically always have to double what I pack.

He has been boasting about that all day.

Really?

I had to wear this heavy fucking, like, he looked like a New England fisherman in this sweater.

And he, he, he was like, oh, like, part of the bit was like.

Everybody, all the the crew was like, you don't have to keep wearing it.

You could take it off.

It's so hot.

And I'm like, it's all right.

I don't sweat.

He's like, I'm a cucumber over here.

Yeah, it's so heavy and so bulky and big.

You're just like, how?

And it's not like it was 100 degrees today, but it was hot enough that if you stood in the sun, I'd start to perspire a little bit.

But no, not him.

I don't know if that's a good or bad thing, but I've always, ever since I was a little,

I could never, like, I'd be playing ball with other people, and it looked like they just jumped out of a pool.

Where are your cardigans, boys?

And I I could pick my arms up while I'm guarding somebody.

You wouldn't even see Pit.

I'm jealous.

Yeah, I don't know why.

Yeah, I don't know why.

Maybe you're just blessed.

I was thinking of getting Botox injections in my armpit.

For what?

It shuts it down.

Yeah, it makes you stop sweating.

Is it that bad?

Oh, dude, he's the guy you don't want to play basketball with.

Oh, really?

It's that bad?

It's that bad.

Did you ever go to a doctor?

No, I mean, it's not.

I don't think it's like.

Is it unnatural?

I don't think it's unnatural.

Are you sick?

I don't sweat from my forehead.

Like, it's just the arm.

See, that's the sweat that's cool, though.

When I was playing ball against guys, I like when their hair would get all the way and it would be dripping off their face.

I love that.

Yeah, I mean, I don't have it on

my body.

You just get pit stains.

It ruins a lot of shirts, right?

Yeah.

I haven't known you for a long time.

I've never noticed that.

Not once.

And what would happen?

You would take the Botox and it would shut down all your sweats.

You should have shown for like six months to a year.

Yeah, you don't sweat.

Does it just come out other places?

No.

Like his ears.

No, it doesn't.

No, they should have done this.

It doesn't reroute the sweat.

No, no.

It just stops.

What it does is it numbs the nerves in your armpits.

You actually looked into this, huh?

Was that bad?

I'm telling you, man, it's fucking.

You're self-conscious about it?

Not self-conscious about it, but I can't really wear certain type of shirts in the summer.

That's awful.

You can't wear a tank top, huh?

All the shirts have to be rubber.

Like, you can't wear a white beater?

I could wear a white beater, but I wouldn't.

You can't wear a guinea tea?

You wouldn't?

No.

I don't think I would.

Honestly, it's so interesting you should say that.

I was, hold on, you know what, real quick.

For $20

off a suitcase, visit awaytravel.com slash T-E-S-D.

Use the promo code T-E-S-D during checkout.

If you're in New York City, Q, and I know you are, they have a retail store.

And the last point here is please include your personal experience with the product, which Walt has more than done.

It was nice having you away.

I want to see other people.

If you're ordering away, if you post about taking it to the grocery store, let's make it a thing.

Okay, hashtag away travel.

Yes, hashtag away travel and hashtag T-E-S-D away travel, all one word, on Twitter or Instagram or whatever.

Even if it's not in a way, you could do it.

They'll know then.

We're going to say it is.

They won't know.

They're like, wait,

just take a blurry picture from far away.

Just make it black.

Just go into Photoshop and make it black.

Yeah.

Or if you happen to get a bag.

Yeah.

yeah, get it.

Do the grocery shopping in the spring.

Yeah.

Why not?

You're saving the planet.

You're helping us

make your sponsor happy.

Yeah, and you're helping fucking keep the middleman out of the picture, which is most important.

Fuck, what were you just saying?

Wife?

Tank tops.

Tank tops, boyfriend.

Oh, I was thinking the other day, I went to the beach.

Sage is super into boogie boarding.

And

recently, so I got her like a new boogie board.

It's like one of the ones that attaches to her hands and shit.

She's real into it.

I go in the ocean.

I stand in the ocean just to watch her so she doesn't get swept away.

And

I always keep a shirt on because I don't think it's fair to do that to other people, even though everyone else is doing it to me.

The blubber and the grossness.

You lost a lot of weight for one.

Not enough.

Okay.

Not enough.

I think that's more you.

I don't think other people would be like, oh.

I think you're right.

I think most people are not focused on me or like,

harpoot him, get his oil.

We'll light on lamps for many months.

Yeah, but I almost feel like

only black people should wear tank tops.

Tank tops.

Yeah.

It's interesting.

What makes you.

Especially white ones.

Huh?

They're Italians.

They love that shit.

My grandfather was sporting.

That's all they ever wore.

Yeah, I know, but they're too hairy.

Black guy never has hairy arms.

Like I got like hairy arms up here and hairy shoulders and shit.

Black guys never.

Wow, and they always look good in a nice white tank top.

Just because Luke Cage was just here, you're all fine.

I might be in love with Luke Cage.

He looked good, though, right?

Yeah, I was going to ask him if I touch his muscle, but I thought it was weird.

It would have been.

They were popping.

He also was like, have you ever brought a suitcase to the grocery store?

He said, let me tell you something, Luke Cage.

I didn't tell him that.

Nice guy.

Super white teeth, too.

Yeah.

Hollywood teeth.

Handsome devil.

Got them Hollywood teeth.

Yeah.

Shined up.

And he said it's not, well, for him anyway, it wasn't that hard to put on.

Well, it's a process, but he had to put on 30 pounds of muscle for Luke Cage.

And he said, he was like, he just has to go to the gym four or five times a week, eat lots of protein.

Right.

No sugar, all that shit.

And he said, like, it took him like three months.

Three months, that's it?

I said to him, I was like, I can put on 30 pounds in a week.

It's not going to be muscle.

But, yeah.

Wow, that's pretty good.

I don't think I could do that.

I don't think I have the genetics to.

I know I don't.

I certainly don't have the willpower or design.

Who was taller, you or him?

He was taller than me.

A little bit?

A little bit, like maybe two inches taller.

That helps.

I didn't like it.

Would that help with what?

Being muscular?

Yeah, I think it helps to have a bigger frame, spread it all out a little.

You're not so squatty.

So if I just wear lifts, I don't have to lose any more weight, you're saying.

Oh, well, yeah.

I mean, if you're like a fireplug fat guy, it's way more noticeable.

If you're big and tall, you know, it's kind of

distributed a little bit more.

And people are like, people just, it's like, hey,

that's a big guy.

They're like, that's just a big guy.

Unless you're like Guinness Book of World Records fat or something.

But yeah, with a short guy who's also fat.

And a lot of things, let me tell you, short guys, this is what you should not do.

Jay Sarge, I'm talking to you.

Oh, that's right.

When you're a short guy, don't wear shorts that go below your knees.

I'm not saying wear fucking like Daisy Dukes,

but it always makes you and women too.

It makes you look shorter and weirder.

And I don't think enough people give that kind of style advice to short people.

I haven't noticed that.

I'll have to keep my eyes open.

Yeah.

It definitely, like, those long cargo shorts that go past your knee, it makes a short guy look way shorter, I think.

I love a good pair of cargo shorts, though.

I know they're like maligned in society, but.

I just threw away a pair because I was like, who wears these anymore?

Why did I wear them?

I like cargo shorts.

I like the kind of shorts like Walt wears, just like you're about to take a gym class.

You like those?

Yeah, that's what I prefer.

Yeah, but cargo shorts are like sweat shorts.

They are, I agree.

But they're inside the pockets.

I don't build them.

Yeah.

I still wear them.

I don't give a fuck.

I guess not.

You can do it, though.

Yeah, but remember that.

You could set a trend.

Yeah, you don't want to do that, though, because remember when the President Obama wore his mom jeans?

He still hasn't lived that down.

You don't want to be wearing your mom's cargo jeans.

I don't know if I'm getting the same attention that the president of the United States is getting.

Do you remember that when he wore the mom jeans?

Oh, look it up.

It was a big deal.

Yeah, he never lived that down.

He never lived that down.

Like big wide pockets on the back?

It just looked weird.

Like he wore, like, it just, he was wearing mom jeans.

Like, they covered up his gun.

And they, it was

his what?

His gun.

What's that?

It's like, usually you're referring to a woman.

They're gut and their their pussy meat, and it's called a gun.

I've never heard that before.

Yeah.

Okay, let's see.

Was he playing baseball at the time, Walt?

I don't remember.

All I know, it was a big thing on the internet.

And then he went, he did a lot of, he had to do a lot of repair work, too.

He would constantly be seen after that with more trendy jeans, but he still was never able to live it down.

Well, you would think that, right?

Except gq.com on January 19th, and the internet sucks here, so as soon as the fucking article loads, I'll be able to check.

All All right, there he is with his mom jeans.

Okay, oh, wow, yeah, he's pretty good.

He's not like me, you, and uh,

what's his name?

The Maroon 5 guy, uh, Adam Levine, Levine, yeah with our boot cut jeans.

I love a good boot cut jeans, me too.

I'm with you on that.

Uh, he's wearing mom jeans, running shoes, um,

but they're saying that on Jan as recently as January 19th,

uh,

that they're cool now,

Mom jeans?

Well, Michelle Obama said that she threw them out.

As I was saying, she didn't even back up her husband.

She was just like, she threw out the jeans and made, was like, was busting on him about his mom jeans.

Now,

that increases her credibility a thousandfold.

She criticized the most powerful men in the country and is like, what are you fucking nuts?

Like, throw these away.

You think Avana would do that to Trump, though?

You think that she'd go and throw away his...

I mean, maybe 30 years ago when she was married to him, but maybe it's Melania now.

Do you think Melania would do that?

I don't think she would now.

No, he'd freak out.

I don't think he could.

He'd be very upset.

He seems very sensitive.

And there was a picture of him playing tennis with a fucking bubble button.

You could see his tidy whiteies under.

Yeah.

You could see his tidy whiteys under his shorts and shit.

Like they took a picture of his fat ass.

While he was president or before he was president?

While he was president, like a month ago or so, he was playing tennis.

He allowed himself to be seen

with tidy whiteies on?

I don't think he knew.

How could he not know?

How could you not know that everything you do is being photographed?

Or maybe he didn't know that he had like panty lines and shit.

He should have worth thong.

He should have.

Get on that, Miyundi's presidential thong

with the seal and shit.

Oh, this is fucking.

Look at that.

Look at the junk of the trunk.

Oh, my God.

He's a 70-year-old man, I mean, he is, but realize you're a 70-year-old man and don't do that.

Don't do that.

You know what I like, though, about the internet's doing here, though?

It's not about party.

They took down Obama with his mom jeans, and they're taking down Trump with his panty lines.

All right, right.

That's a good point.

No, you know, it's fair game.

Yeah, exactly.

It's not partisan.

Yeah, they're saying,

I guess that it's they're cool now.

I guess maybe

guys are wearing.

Wait a second here.

So it said, you'll never see Barack Obama in his stonewash jeans again.

The decision to get rid of them may have been poor timing because

those jeans are slowly coming back around in the style with windbreakers, white running shoes, and wider leg light wash jeans.

I'm telling you, man,

there are a few things that annoy me more in life than people who are fashionable, which is a big difference from being stylish.

You want to be stylish, that's one thing, because you can just make it your own.

But as soon as you're fashionable, you're like, what's everyone else doing?

It's fucking irritating, because then everybody starts wearing the same shit.

I mean, look.

Aren't I unique?

I have noticed,

and maybe, Walt, maybe I'm getting old.

This might be the start of it.

But I've noticed that girls' shorts

too short, just ass cheeks are fucking...

You walk around and hit it.

Don't you shame them.

And I'm not shaming anybody.

I'm just saying, back in my day,

you wouldn't wear shorts like that.

I mean, you're talking fucking ass cheeks are hanging out left and right, whether they should be wearing them or not, like no matter what, and it's everywhere.

Well, here's the problem, Q, and I agree with you.

Now, more power, too.

If they're a little bit older, when you see 12-year-old, 13-year-old girls running around with ass cheeks hanging out, it's a little, it's weird.

Yeah, it's like, what is happening?

Like, it's just the thing now that everybody's got them.

No, they don't all look good.

No, that's a fact.

That's the problem.

You know why I don't wear

short shorts with my ass cheeks hanging out?

Wouldn't look good.

Oh,

it would look terrible.

It's crazy, man.

I'm looking around.

I'm like, this is nuts.

Like, Sage's head shorts, and she's not like, I want to wear these, but I'm like, I'll be like, those are too short.

That's nuts.

Yeah, they're too short.

They're not past her knees.

Any other ads?

Yeah, we got Luke Crate Walt, which I know you love because you love to be the envy of your friends and you love to get 100% exclusive rate.

God damn it.

Why can't I read?

Crates

at lootcrate.com slash TESD.

I'm being sure to do all these

promo things because they tell every week they're like, you need to do a promo code for this.

And I'm sure I did.

But they're saying I didn't.

So

if you get...

Do the promo code right now.

I did.

I just did it.

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You're going to get 10% off any new subscription.

The Loot Crate theme this week, boys, is

hold on, kingdom.

You'll find items from the Legend of Zelda, Adventure Time, and The Lord of the Rings.

I just got a sweet Rick and Morty figure in Loot Crate.

Did you?

Yeah, it's awesome.

I put it on my desk.

What's your favorite kingdom, Q?

My favorite kingdom?

Yeah.

Of all time?

Yeah.

So hard to choose.

Is it the magic?

Is it the Lord of the Rings?

Is it

Asgard?

Would you consider the Star Wars universe to be a kingdom?

No.

You think of

an old-fashioned

Knights.

Like Game of Thrones.

I'm just thinking of a kingdom, you know?

Like, you know, Asgard's a kingdom.

There has to be a king.

That's surprising, right?

There's no

Game of Thrones?

I did say Game of Thrones.

No, no, no.

I'm saying on Luke Crate, you would think that would be.

It might be a rights thing.

Although there is no king in the Magic Kingdom unless you want to count Mickey in Minnie.

That's true.

I was going to say Magic Kingdom is probably my favorite one, but if we're taking that out.

You know who's a, like,

I don't want to say it in a bad way,

but there's no other way to say it.

Like, a little mental for Disney.

I didn't know it.

I was kind of shocked by it.

Chris Ledondo.

Really?

Like.

Big Disney guy.

I mean, to the point where I'm like.

The parks are the characters and stuff like that.

It's like you realize it's the happiest place on earth, right?

Well, yeah, like he

is like

an aspect of it.

Because

I probably go to Disney parks three times a year.

Like, anytime I'm in California, I'll go for the day.

And anytime I'm in Florida, I'll go.

Really?

You like it that much?

Yeah.

He does.

You know what?

Because last time when me, you and Sal went out to LA together, you were like, hey, we're going to the mountain.

And I was like, well, have fun.

Yo, it's a I mean, what is it that does it for you?

You're not bringing any kids kids there, right?

Any relationships?

I'm not bringing any kids, but it just reminds me of

a fun time in my life.

I don't weigh the lines.

Oh, I was going to say.

Is that what happened when you were a kid?

It makes it a lot more enjoyable.

Yeah, I was going to say, how does that remind you of your childhood, though, when you rides?

Was that part of the fun thing?

Well, I like going to Epcot and get for now.

I like going to Epcot and getting a nice little buzz going in fucking the Mexico part of it.

That's always fun.

A buzz?

Yeah.

Well, you smoke.

Some blackhearts.

I'm not talking about tequila.

They have like a tequila.

Oh, okay.

Smoke.

This is why they shouldn't kick you guys out of the country

or build a wall, whatever, because this shit's good.

It's awesome, man.

I love it there.

That's where you go inside, and there's that little, like, that little boat that takes you around.

Yes, I'll go into that pyramid, do a couple shots, take the boat ride, get off, do a couple more shots, get back on that boat ride, do it, get off, maybe have a quesadilla.

I'm instantly regretting not going with you.

It's a fucking best, man.

By the end, you're all hammered.

It's all fucking fun.

Then you just walk around the rest of the worlds, and everybody's in a good mood.

Nobody's upset at you for anything.

Well, nobody's moving your creams.

Ghost pussy must not be there that day.

No, it's a fucking business.

He's upset about everything all the time.

Well, not when he's at Disney, man.

He was telling us about his love of Disney, and

you could tell it was genuine.

I had a neighbor.

He's a motherfucker.

He has prints, he has

things he saves, he collects hardcore things.

Oh, I thought you meant Prince, like, Prince the dead singer.

No, no, no.

Yeah, he's talking about like frame things.

I don't know if it was him or his father.

Like cells?

Yeah, you could tell

this is a big, big deal.

Like, I'm not going to come down here.

So, I'm not coming down here.

Yeah, I'm not coming down here, but

it was a nice little

insight.

I didn't know about him because, you know, I like to find out more about the people in our little universe.

And that was surprising to me.

I mean, I won't have lunch with him, but if I hear secondhand, maybe that he likes Disney, he wasn't talking to me, but he was telling me this either.

Yeah, I was listening from afar.

He's dipping into

see to me,

I would feel like Ladondo's like, it reminds me of when I was young, and I used to go,

really,

not like this guy.

Oh, yeah, cute, yeah, cute.

It's like, I remember going to the front of the line and drinking tequila when I was eight.

I didn't say it's an exact, but uh, when I was in Paris a couple of weeks back, you went to Disney Europe?

I went to Euro Disney, went in for one ride and then left because I always wanted to go on that.

What ride was it?

The Haunted Mansion out there is different.

It's a scarier.

They actually made it like a legit horror house.

How could you just do one ride, though?

Because nobody knows me, so they're not going to let me on the front of the lines.

That's only a time point.

I waited five hours.

No,

I did want to go on the fucking Tower of Terror too over there, but it was a fucking 55-minute wait.

I'm like,

who would do this?

This is insane.

Everyone there?

Every single person who paid to get in.

Well, I paid to get in.

I paid my fucking put my money on the barrel.

Put your euros down?

Yeah, I put my Euros down.

I walked in.

The line, I waited for a half hour.

Nice.

That was your seal of approval.

Give him some props then.

You got to give them some props.

Yeah.

And it was legit.

It was.

It was like an legit, scarier experience.

Nice.

Yeah, I liked it.

I hate Abcot, though, man.

I think it sucks.

It's the worst part of Disney.

It's boring as fuck.

It's boring as as fuck.

I don't see it anymore.

I just went recently.

I went last year.

Well, for me personally, I don't get the buzz on in Mexico that you, you know, you do.

Everybody's, it just smells gross because everyone's eating turkey.

It's fucking 150 degrees out and everyone's chowing down on a turkey leg.

Turkey.

Oh, those big giant turkey legs.

Everyone's eating turkey legs, and it just turns my stomach.

Well, now they're expanding it so much.

You know that?

Epcot's getting a big makeover.

Turkey freeze up.

Star Wars land.

Oh, yeah.

I saw a Star Wars parade.

It was pretty cool.

Yeah, it's shit.

Like, they did

some really high-end shit in a parade that you wouldn't expect, like flames.

That's cool.

Yeah, like

music.

There's some two theme parks that I really like, like the artificial nature of it.

Like, you go in, the rocks are fake.

It's almost like an enclosed universe.

I like that.

It appeals to me for some reason.

Because everyone there for the most part.

But I've always liked it.

Because kids like it too, but I think for the most part, everyone is having fun, except maybe the workers.

But they're pretending that it's fun.

That's all I care about.

Because that's their job, is to pretend that they don't want to kill themselves every second of the day.

It's all of our jobs.

Yeah,

I guess so.

And so much so that characters, you'll never see a guy smoking a cigarette with his Mickey head off.

It's like that fake world

is carefully planned and executed every day.

Yeah.

during the year.

And unless something really bad happens, like

somebody falls off a ride or whatever, it's always going to do that way.

It's always there, man.

What you should do while you're at the height of your popularity is go to Disney and demand

and demand a photo of one of the characters with their head off smoking.

Oh, that won't happen.

PCP.

You could demand that right now.

They'll do it for you.

No, they cannot.

The only way I get to

that is that I'm not sure if I got to fucking.

I got to wait till somebody recognizes me that works at the park.

What was that?

What was a little bit of a

shock and jive?

I I pulled in a practical joke.

20 minutes.

Yeah, I got a whole routine I got.

I don't want to say it.

I don't give it away.

You got a routine to get you in the front of the line?

It works.

Give us a little tidbit of it.

100%.

He starts screaming at whoever he's.

Did you move the cream?

I can't give it away.

I can't give it away.

Why?

Because people will take steps to block it.

How?

How are they?

I'll tell you off air.

You're protecting yourself?

Yeah.

I don't want to.

I'm coming up with a new fucking shit.

Nope.

This is a shit that works with 100% success rate, and I'm not giving it up.

How is anybody, you think anybody listening to this would fuck it up for you?

Universal Mike is listening right now, man.

It fucking worked down in Universal, too.

I know it.

I already know.

You know.

Remember, we did the story a long time ago: people hiring retarded guys and shit to get to the front of the line.

That's what he's doing.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

We're not done.

We're halfway through a goddamn Loot Crate commercial.

Well, now that seems anticlimactic.

Just give them the code.

That's all you need to do.

No, you would think so.

Everyone loves Loop Crate.

They do.

I don't know why I have to keep fucking talking about it aside from them paying.

But if you're on a quest for epic gear, housewares, and collectibles, they've got it.

They have an epic range of pop culture items for less than $20 a month.

They have loot wear, you know, clothes and shit.

Loot pets, Walt.

Hey, man.

You could dress your dog up, bring him to the fucking food store.

The offer expires August 19th, so you've got a while if you want to get in on this.

Lootcrate.com slash TESD.

Enter the code T-E-S-D.

You're going to save 10% off any new subscription today.

Nice.

I have a Puppet Master update.

Really?

An exclusive from San Diego Comic-Con.

I ran into Walking the Floor, Thomas Leonard.

The guy from the state who is now in the next

Puppet Master movie.

Okay.

Are you not remembering this?

Thomas Lennon?

Remember we looked it up?

Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah.

And they're making it in one and one of them got.

I asked him,

I said, how did it go?

You know, he was like, it was great.

We're going to have fun.

I go, do they keep up

the weird Nazi connections and imagery in it?

He said, absolutely do.

I would be stunned if they didn't.

I mean, they made fucking 17 of them all Nazis.

The littlest Reich.

The littlest Reich.

Are you watching Preacher?

Yes.

How fucking crazy is this?

Awesome.

Dude,

they make.

I didn't see the whole, I only got halfway through this last episode.

I got to finish it tonight.

So I don't know if there's an update to this, but Brian, they make Hitler a fucking likable character on the show.

You actually feel bad for Hitler on the show.

Really?

It's crazy.

It's fucking nuts.

Like the first time they do it, you're like, this can't be where they're going with it.

And then suddenly you're like, oh my God, I feel bad for Hitler.

Like, he's kind of a nice guy.

It's weird.

Leave Hitler alone.

Dude, yeah.

Holy shit, that's exactly what you're like.

They're like, stop picking on Hitler.

It's fucking crazy.

Am I wrong?

No, you're not wrong.

Dude, it is.

It's confusing as fuck, dude.

You're like,

and they fully acknowledging that he's the worst human that's ever lived.

And you're like, oh, man, I just kind of feel bad for him.

Really?

Dude, the sympathetic Hitler.

It's crazy.

I don't know how they're not getting shit for it.

It's weird, right?

That it's not causing more of an uproar.

You would think it is because he's...

arguably the most sympathetic character on the show right now.

It's really really weird, dude.

Oh, I couldn't believe it.

I was like,

it's great.

I really, I'm enjoying this season, man.

I mean, I liked last season, too, but they really hit the gas this season.

I've heard this season is

there was a slow build.

Yeah, there was a slow build.

Yeah,

you accepted.

I liked the first season, but

this is what everybody wanted this season.

Right.

Yeah.

I'm trying to get a signal somewhere.

No, yes, before we go, just send out a request for some prayers and well wishes.

Thoughts and prayers?

Thoughts and prayers, a lot of prayers

for Declan, who's

feeling ill again.

Oh,

thank you.

I'm here on my deathbed again for the third time this week.

That upsets me.

I feel bad.

Do we know what's wrong with him?

I just got the news that he's

back

in the hospital.

Hopefully,

he's out by now, but

definitely all the prayers and well-wishes necessary to to get him back in tip-top shape.

I'm 99% someone else right now.

They've replaced me parts.

Everything except my knees.

Why would they stop there?

Is what I wonder.

Still, though, I got to tell him Steve Dave out.

She hasn't missed it.

Indeed, that's a fucking.

He might miss this one, I hear.

He might miss this one, yeah.

Might be the first one, and many moon.

Right.

So who do we get to replace him for good?

You can't.

You can't replace Dave.

He's irreplaceable.

The show would end.

Yeah, I would, yeah.

Yes, definitely.

So, so if Declan goes, tell him Steve Dave goes.

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah, I think it's only inevitable, yeah.

I can't wait to hear the retraction once he goes.

We're doing it for Declan.

Yeah, yeah.

Declan presents, tell him Steve Dave.

Speaking of Hitler shit, did you see this?

That outraged the internet.

My favorite color is glitter.

Oh, is that what it says?

Or does it say

Hitler?

It looks like Hitter, not Hitler.

I know it does.

But it doesn't take a lot to outrage the

Internet.

Hitler totes.

They don't glitter online, Q.

Just like the old JN Silent Bob Secret Stash totes didn't glitter.

My finest idea.

Your fine idea that sold out, yet you took shit for it.

Yeah.

Also, it wasn't my idea.

Bag appears to say Hitler.

Are we a little bit too worked up about this type of shit?

I don't go on.

When will it end?

I don't go on anymore, man.

I don't either.

So I don't know anything.

Like, I read email, like, this was sent by a listener.

People are up in arms online over the Hitler tote bag that was supposed to be saying, my favorite color is glitter.

They're like, but if you cut it off halfway, then it says Hitler.

Still cut it off halfway.

That's not what it's made for.

Yeah,

you cannot do that if you want.

Garbage.

This story is accidentally selling a bag that says my favorite color is Hitler.

What racist.

Not okay,

says Team Vogue.

Not okay.

Not okay, says Team Vogue.

That was one of the things that drove me off the internet, the not okay.

And when people write this to refer to something that someone just said, they're like, this, and blah, blah, blah.

And I'm like, oh, God, there's no hope for this fucking universe.

Or

anybody that starts out like, when you're online at the coffee shop and

that time.

Well, don't get upset.

Just check out.

Teen Vogue has a right to say it, though, don't they?

Sure do.

They're the voice of the teens.

Go for it.

And they say, not okay.

It's not okay.

It's not okay, Wall.

It is not okay.

If it said Hitler, it wouldn't be.

I agree with them if it said Hitler, but it doesn't say Hitler.

No, it says glitter.

And they know goddamn well it says glitter.

And they're like, oh, if you look at it a a certain way, it says Hitler.

And that's not okay, Q.

Okay.

Not okay.

It's a 24-hour news cycle, man.

You got to fucking dig this shit up.

Do you want to hear what Bel Schik had to say about it?

I do.

We are beyond embarrassed about the design of our glitter tote bag.

We replaced it with a new design.

Hope you like this one better.

Hashtag not okay.

What the fuck, man?

Nothing goes,

I guess it's the world, nothing goes unnoticed.

It does exist.

Or remarked upon.

It all goes unnoticed.

Or remarked upon.

Everything I know about my fellow man and my relationship with other people,

since I've removed the internet, which is coming up on a year now since I deleted everything, all those apps and shit off my phone, everybody gets along.

Nobody's at each other's throats.

People work out their problems with discussion.

Nobody's trying to bring each other down.

When you interact with actual, real people, it just seems like everything's okay.

Okay.

Every day's a day in Disney.

Yeah.

When you're not online.

A baby's laugh.

Yeah, right.

A bird's chirping.

Sounds like the tinkle of a fucking whatever.

The sun, the warmth of the sun rays on your skin.

It seems like you memorize this.

When I'm like, what's wrong with you?

Tell him, Steve Davis.

No, no, no, no.

What are you going to talk about more about this shit?

No, I'm just saying, here's the new updated design of the glitter bag in case you're wondering.

Yeah,

it still kind of looks close to like if you really wanted to.

I guess, like, if you took that out, it would kind of say Hitler a little bit.

You know what they could do?

They cannot put it in cursive, and then they could not put it in cursive, or just write something so fucking stupid on the side of a bag.

You can

try that too.

Four fucking people who complained about it, just ignore them.

Yeah, but then throw your fucking bag away if it's not okay.

You can't ignore when Teetin Vogue deems it not okay.

You have to act or face the consequences.

So, the person who

they were like, all right, who made this?

And whoever in the sweatshop was like, well, I did.

And they're like,

well, you know what happens.

That's not okay.

You know the next step.

Teen Vogue said, not okay.

I would love for a teenager to deem tell them Steve Dave.

Okay.

Not okay.

I think they would if they were aware of us.

Tell them, Steve, Dave.

Okay, you could say that.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

There's another hand.

Look, we didn't do anything last week, and this is an important one.

This is going to speak to us because

with Declan at Death's Door, yes, we may be hiring.

So we're going to use Zip Recruiter.

Do you know where to post your job to find the best?

What are we looking for if we had to replace Declan?

Oh.

Is Assboy an official title?

That is not okay.

Teen Vogue says that is not okay to refer to somebody as a

teen vogue.

Like that's out there.

Like people write that.

Like journalists write that in articles.

Like if you look at Huff to Post or CNN or op-ed pieces, which I don't understand.

Like you go to CNN and you see an op-ed piece, you're like, who the fuck needs an opinion from somebody at CNN?

That's all you see all day online are opinions.

No more or less valid.

No more or less valid.

Isn't what Telm Steve Dave is offering three people's opinions that are meaningless?

Yeah, but we acknowledge that.

These people say it with a word of.

I'm not sure if it's always acknowledged.

With a sense of, like, okay, we'll acknowledge it right now.

Our shit's meaningless.

We don't know what we're talking about.

We can pick up half this shit as we go along.

I can recall just a couple minutes ago someone telling the world that, like, hey, if you're short, don't wear fucking shorts that are too go below your knees.

And not said with any sense of like, like, he was fooling around.

He wanted to let this be known that

he was deeming it

not okay.

let me tell you something I didn't go into this episode thinking I was gonna say that but here we are

I'm just I'm trying to help the short people I once wanted to get a job at the cab they're grotesque

that's true

okay do you know where to post your job to find the best candidates talk about the challenge of finding great talent or the importance of finding great talent to a successful business how the fuck would I know that Zip Recruiter if I've never hired anyone for anything I don't know.

How would I know?

I can't speak to it, Zip Recruiter.

I'm sorry.

Are you criticizing me?

I wish I could.

I can't figure out what's going on here.

I wish I could.

Just pretend.

I was saying, talk about the challenge of finding great talent.

It is.

I can tell.

I can attest to that.

Let's hear from you.

You've been super pissed at Ginem lately.

He can.

It's hard to find good talent.

Ginem is talented.

He's talented, but what his problem is, is that he forgets to be earnest.

He forgets to be, he thinks he can glide on a good idea from like two months ago.

He can't.

It's not okay.

It's not okay.

He needs to realize that.

Hashtag it, boys.

You need to be given your best ideas daily.

And if you don't.

He should have like two good ideas each day.

Every day.

And when I mean ideas, I mean just fucking hang shirts up without fucking making a big spectacle about it.

Right.

You know, but I'm trying to make it more than.

He's fighting with Rob Bruce.

Has he tried to worm his way on the show yet?

CBM?

Yeah.

No, he claims that it doesn't bother him that he's not on CBM, but when you have to state it over and over again, I can't.

Yeah, you kind of get the feeling it may a little.

I don't understand the reasoning why he can't be seen on.

I think, I mean, to me, I guess they fail.

I think it's mostly a visual.

If we're old-time radio, maybe.

The audience, I guess, cannot

stomach.

No, the audience, it's too hard to introduce a new character.

They'll get their heads around like, oh, this guy works there, too.

Yeah, it just seems like that's too much.

It's not important enough.

18 minutes, you only have 18 minutes,

with the commercials.

It's just too much information, too much change.

So that's the reason why he can't be.

It's okay to have storylines where you pretend somebody's going to work there.

But if anyone actually works there, yeah, don't touch it.

Yeah.

So Giddam needs to come up with some better ideas.

Well, you know, just

bring your best every day.

And

even that isn't not necessary.

Just bring

adequacy.

Yeah, just bring adequacy.

Basic competency.

So, this is what you should have done, Walt, because I'll bet you these.

And get your nose a little bit more brown.

You love a good brown nose.

I love a good brown nose.

And I don't think his nose has been brown enough at all lately.

Right.

He's coasting on Goodwill.

Like, his nose is like a little tan, maybe.

It's almost back to its natural color, which is unforgivable.

Red.

It should look like he dipped his nose in your hair dye.

You can post your job to 100-plus job sites with just one click.

How annoying would it be, though?

Like,

you have Gidem.

You know, Gidem.

You can deal with Gidem.

Somebody, a total stranger, that would be rough for you, I think.

I don't think so.

I've dealt with a lot of strangers on this set.

And I think I

well, you're always like, I'm going to eat lunch with you.

I think very well.

I think better than some people.

What, who, me?

What are you talking about?

Look me so defensive.

Not okay.

You assume I'm talking about you.

Well, you're like, some people.

You like, look over at me.

I did not even look at you when I said it.

Built your eyes on me.

I'm not going to elaborate.

You're not going to hurt me.

I want to wrap up.

You're like, I want to go home.

That's why I'm

different.

Unlike other job sites, they don't depend on people finding you.

It finds them.

In fact, over 80% of the jobs posted on ZipRecruiter get a qualified candidate in just 24 hours.

Pretty sweet.

What does ZipRecruiter get out of this?

Does it cost you money to put your post-your resume?

I think then, no.

I think what happens is it's like if they'll do this, and then if you need to, you want to upgrade your service, you can pay a little bit more.

To find

to be seen by more potential people who are hiring?

Probably, yeah.

So you have to pay a fee to get on ZipRecruiter.

I bet you the people looking for people pay the fee.

Gotcha.

Or maybe

you pay a fee.

Is ZipRecruiter the middleman?

If they are, we love them.

It's one of the few middlemen.

Now you love them.

It's one of the few middlemen.

No, I don't think, I think they're a facilitator, not really a middleman, right?

Well, Walt, I'm the number one show on the network for six years, sold out shows all across the world, and I get maybe $25 to read this ad.

So, yeah, of course I care what Zip Recruiter

is saying.

I'm deeply concerned about ZipRecruiters.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I pay taxes.

$12.50 to be part of this ad.

Yeah, I mean,

my fucking market value is a good thing.

I can't tell if you're.

Are you angry about that?

It's just a moment of clarity.

Do you want to speed it up?

Is that what you're saying?

I can't.

It's fine.

I care.

I know how you hate juggling emails, Walt.

Or calls to your

calls to your office, hey, man, is what we got to do.

Simply screen rate and manage candidates all in one place with the ZipRecruiter's easy-to-use dashboard.

Find out why they've been used by businesses of all sizes.

Your listeners can, listeners, you can post your jobs if you own a business on ziprecruiter.com for free.

Go to ziprecruiter.com/slash T-E-S-D.

That's ziprecruiter.com/slash T-E-S-D.

One more time.

Well, it says try it for free.

Did you say the code?

Yeah, I don't know.

Did I?

Try it for free.

Go to ziprecruiter.com/slash T-E-S-D.

It's got to be the code.

That's got to be the code.

I'll bet you that's the code.

So, Walt, you're going to go home.

What's a Walt Flanagan night like from here on?

Me and Q, we're going to go and get something to eat.

You're more than welcome to come.

Thank you.

No, I'm going to.

I didn't think so.

Thanks.

I'll eat alone.

I'll go home, spend some time with the family, and then, you know,

my nightly ritual for the last couple months, I pop on an old Columbo and I try to solve it.

You got to text me the name of that one because I'll watch it tonight.

Yeah, I've been loving Columbo lately.

So, Walt's on an episode of Columbo that has brought him even closer, maybe even closed the case, no pun intended, on Columbo being

autistic.

The character, not Peter Falk.

Yeah, I'm convinced after this one episode, which I'm not saying, you know, I would think

that would be the reason why he was so goddamn good at what he was doing.

Yeah.

It's the reason why I get him so goddamn good at what he does.

Which is what, disappointing you?

So that's it, huh?

And anyway, you guys go out to eat?

Yeah, we'll go out to eat.

We're going to talk.

We're going to catch up.

Yeah, you guys need to catch up?

Shoot the shit.

Yeah, exactly.

How does that work?

How does that work?

I mean, you nearly need to shoot the shit?

Of course.

I'm invested in my friend's life.

I want to know what's going on.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

And likewise, yeah.

Is that what humans do?

Like a moment.

You don't know.

Like we're in a fucking petri dish.

You really need to know more?

There's always new stuff to learn.

I'd like to be up to date.

Yeah.

I've been busy the past few weeks.

We've been wrapping up the season.

I've been out of town.

So I've got a chance to.

Right.

You know.

All right.

Let me know how it goes.

Take a page out of Q's book.

Maybe me and you'll hang out one day.

Tell them, Steve, Dave.

Wait a second.

Wait a second.

Hey, so apparently I'm breaking in because Declan has alerted me that

we had an ad placed

too close to the end of the episode when we recorded this last week.

And

regulations

say that all ads must be placed before at least 12 minutes before the end of the show.

So I am, and it's kind of a blessing in disguise because I want to apologize.

I was very low energy.

I sounded very annoyed when we recorded this.

That was last week.

I felt bad.

I didn't, you know, so now I'm.

Being able to step in now and rescue this episode

really makes me feel good because Declan said, you know, we won't be able to use this episode because the ad

was at the tail end of the episode.

And like I said, I didn't even know there were regulations

that demanded that there be certain

spacing between ads and end of shows.

But

you can't be done with a stopwatch?

Oh, yeah, and get him sitting here.

He's also uh here to help rescue this uh episode of tsd i'm not even sure if that episode needed

was worthy of being rescued i i can't remember anything we even talked about i was out of out of sorts that day um

lots was going on and but um again

to be able to step in

and save this episode really makes me feel good discuss what happened

discuss what happened when

that's why why you were so down that you found out that someone threw away something that you

know, no, I don't want to, no, don't, we don't air learn.

That's one thing that I don't like to air dirty laundry anymore.

Um,

at least not on TSD.

I'm sure you hear it.

You fold, you paired the full bronze that one, right?

Oh, yeah.

Wasn't even I wasn't off.

The one day of the week I was off, and you come in and said, Where is this?

I said, Well, I put it there.

You're like, Where is it now?

And I'm like, I don't know.

So I ran upstairs.

I tried to find it.

I stared at the dumpster.

The dumpster was empty.

And then you were like, Well, we might have to go into the dumpster.

I'm like, I went in the dumpster, there's nothing there.

Yeah, yes, yeah.

To make a long story short,

I don't even know if that's really, you know, I was just zonked that day we recorded this episode of Tell Home Steve Dave.

And

I want to apologize to Q and Brian and the listeners for having such a shitty attitude that day.

But, you know,

life, it's funny how life works its way out.

Here I am now saving and being able to

help release this episode of Tell M Steve Dave due to the placement of the ads so close to the end.

Okay, we got about 10 minutes left to fill that void now.

Let me talk to you about, you've been now here at the stash officially over a year now.

Yes, yes.

Officially over a year.

Officially over a year.

Can you tell me

how you're digging it and any thoughts?

Anything that

first,

just

your state of mind now after being on the job for a year?

It is a lot different than it was at the beginning.

I mean, I started during filming, and we're currently back into the filming phase of work, and it does change every year.

It's tough to go from filming to non-filming and then back to filming because

it's so much tougher to it's tougher to stock the store when you're filming because everybody comes in during filming breaks and they buy a whole bunch of stuff and then we start filming again and because the store is the background for what we're filming they can't see me in the background like stocking stuff.

Wow.

I can't believe that we waited a year to hear that.

A scintillating story about how hard it is to stock while cameras may be up.

Again,

we're at eight minutes left and we are, you know,

then we'll be able to end this little mini podcast within a podcast.

So we've heard from Gidam about

how difficult it is for him to restock the store while filming is going on.

I thought that he'd have a little bit more broader feelings on being on the job for a year, but apparently he went right for

as

boring and

uninteresting an anecdote as possible about being on the store, being on the job for a year.

Well, I could have went into answering all the phone calls about let's.

There's another one.

I'm sure it's Bill again.

Okay, so we're at

almost five minutes here,

seven minutes left.

Why don't you just read them the countdown?

Be like 99 bottles of beer on a Walt endurance test, if you will.

Here's Walt counting.

Ooh, down.

How about this, Kevin?

Do

you like, because people have mentioned this, do you like

TV

when it's during season, during tv season walt or do you like off-season waltz which which walt do you prefer

i i think i want to

i want to say i prefer off-season walt because uh on season walt tries to cram uh three hours worth of work into five minutes because uh he remembers stuff while he's filming and then as soon as he's done okay i need you to do this this this and first but first i need you to do this and meanwhile i'm trying like i said i'm trying to ring people up and he's like okay here's the ten things i need you to do.

I'm going to go get a slice.

Yeah, because I know

you are put upon.

When I'm over there filming, I look over and I see you catching Pokemon.

I realize that it's difficult for you to then all of a sudden be like, hey, I need you to do something.

And I understand that

that's pretty harsh of me to...

request you do things when I remember that they need to get done and I'll work on that get them no it's it's it's it's it's not that.

It's that you request me,

you require me, you ask me to do things that require me to use the other computer, the computer that's behind the show counter that you're currently filming at.

So I have to do like this roundabout way of

VNCing into the computer to try to do stuff.

And it's not easy as when I have the computer to work at by itself.

Because that's where my, you know, the phone that Mr.

Kodak himself invented is tied to, and that's where it uploads all the photos,

and where it scans all the things that you asked me me to scan.

Wow.

Can you believe it's even more boring than

his inability to stock while filming is going on?

Okay, we're at

seven minutes, five minutes left.

I'm sure.

I'm sure you're going to see

that this has helped this episode

and make you want to stick around for ads and everything.

Couldn't Declan have just tacked on like 12 minutes worth of songs?

He already thought of that, and that was not an option.

Wow, the FCC

Declan didn't catch it as he's like, oh, but I have to.

All right.

We're now at eight minutes.

No, not even eight minutes yet.

What can we talk about for the last four minutes?

Well,

I postulated to you the other day that I said I think the NFL in general is going to start winding down as America's pastime because of the big news of number one, Viagra and Seattleis are are no longer advertising on the NFL.

And also,

the chronic

they found that 119 out of 120 ex-NFL players who were autopsy had that chronic concussion disease.

And they found out it can be, if you just play in high school, you can suffer all the same

symptoms and brain injuries.

And I think it's going to push a lot of parents away from having their kids play even

Pop Warner Warner and high school football, which will eventually affect the NFL?

It's possible.

I think we're not in our lifetime.

I don't think we'll see the NFL ever truly be affected in terms of interest or

I know people will be like, there's definitely already it's been affected by interest because they've changed the rules.

I'm not going to say interest because I think that we'll still be interested.

I just think that the pool of players who are going to be

because you're going to have athletes who are talented, maybe they'll go, they'll be pushed into other sports that are a lot less dangerous.

A lot of NFL players, you know, in high school and whatever played other sports when they weren't playing football.

So I think they'll be more going towards sports where they don't have as many injuries, and that could increase their pool of

applicants, which actually might increase some other sports

down the way.

There you go.

Obviously, everybody was hanging by the edge of their seats waiting for Giddem to weigh in on the NFL's

huge problem of

brain injuries.

And now that he has weighed in, I'm sure the NFL has shuddered upon hearing such a harsh outlook that Gidham has predicted for

Goodell and the NFL.

All right.

I'm sure I'll catch a lot of shit for not knowing exactly what I'm talking about or claiming that I do.

Okay, obviously

Giddam has been reading online comments again about

his knowledge

or lack of knowledge.

About 10 minutes so far into this, only two minutes left.

We're at the final two minutes.

Have I had a speed round of just

any kind of topics?

We both mentioned we're catching up on Colombo over the weekend.

You know, I've been devouring Colombo's,

and I still feel that

it may be the greatest cop series

where a cop never shot a gun or had a fist fight.

I agree.

It's one of the most least violent of police shows, but I do disagree with you that he was autistic as much as you like to are a proponent to it.

Because in the show, I've said, I've even pointed out that a psychiatrist points out to Columbo that it's all an act just to disarm people and

allow them to trip up and fall into Columbo's trap, as it were.

He's devious with his schemes.

Again, wow.

I mean,

more

scintillating,

absolutely cutting-edge analysis from the Get Him Steve Dave regarding the NFL

and a 40-year-old television series.

We are at 11 minutes and 10 seconds.

And

again, I apologize for this little interruption to the podcast.

It won't happen again.

Now that we know the rules, we will adhere to them, and we won't be making the same mistake twice.

And I would like to thank

the listeners.

I don't know.

I wouldn't call it a punishment.

I would call it just a little added bonus.

Unexpected giddem is always, I guess, the best kind of giddem.

That's not what you say.

No.

Well, I'm in a better mood than I was.

We're not filming today, so I mean, I wish the guys were down today recording Tell him C.

Dave, I would have had been a lot more energetic then.

But again,

everybody has an off-game, even Tom Brady.

Yes.

He doesn't win the Super Bowl every week, does he?

If he could, he would.

And we're at 12 minutes, so

we're back to our regular scheduled podcast.

I hid them in my dreams.

The dissonant voices of the gods of madness.

The whispers claw at my every thoughts.

Their unchanging faces like the edge of my vision.

Their aspects creep into my soul:

Hatra,

Sire,

and Danger, Tasha, Fear.

I see the myriad elements.

My purpose

is there awake.

I have found the ancient signals.

I heard

the voices

call.

I must summon them to this realm

to fulfill the prophecy

on my hands, blood sacrifice,

On my forehead, the chaos star.

In my eyes, a flames are made trend.

The hour of reckoning again

dark

ones,

powers

of chaos.

I grant you life.

and are

the scroll.

I prepare the sacred scriptures.

The alignment is complete.

The portal will be open once more

to

the round of dormit

and eternal

darkness descends

on the world

of humankind.

The dark ones will take their place

at the throne of man

Dark Wands

Power

Chaos

I grant you life

Enter

The world

of demonic forces,

the warriors of non-tripod

lay waste to your fanatic world,

harvesting your dreaming souls.

The sky is shattering with burning blood,

corpses laid in rotting piles.

The number of souls rises from the nightmare,

the landscape

of detecting.

I told the girl when I looked to win some chaos.

They shall let me assault.

I stare deep into the men's front.

They draw near their sprouts

as the nine gates open

and the shadows draw forth.

I will become more so.

The world shall frown in blood.

The sacrifices have been made.

The correct words in tone

The bottle has begun to open

The powers of chaos from you

I can feel the tide of energy

Coursing through my every vein

I will ascend to immortality

and lay waste to this fantastic world.

This has been a production of Smodco Internet Radio, sir, only at Smodcast.com.