#340: Love Warrior

Don't think he loves Dick?

Sure, he does.

Piss

Do you think there ever was a real person who saved a town by putting his finger in a dike hole?

Tell them, Steve, Dave.

Hello, darlings, and welcome to this week's Dave.

You're supposed to just start with the darling.

Oh, that's right.

Oh, fuck.

I fucked it up.

All right, well, we'll just get right into it.

Welcome to this week's edition of Tellum Steve, Dave.

BQ.

Thank you for being here.

Happy Cinco TS DeMayo, baby.

Yeah.

Not that many days left.

No.

Countdown has started.

That leads me into

my first ever apology on this show.

You guys said, I've never apologized.

Today's the day.

What is it about?

It's about

the first day of celebration in Cinco

TS DeMile.

I have to apologize for the fucking website crashing and burning and people not getting their files.

We just have too many

rabid TSD fans.

They couldn't wait.

They couldn't wait.

It's one of those things.

I mean, like,

you can use it on your resume.

Like, we crashed our own website.

We crashed our own site.

We expected like 200 people, and then like 300 people came.

And I don't like that happening because I know, like,

my mother, growing up, my mother and still is

very impetuous and instant gratification type person.

Like, I want something to buy.

Yeah, that's where I think I get it from, Pam.

What?

You're a person who wants instant gratification?

Oh, absolutely.

I hate waiting for shit.

I don't get it, but I want it.

I was like, well, I was never, because I've never seen you gratified.

So I was trying to figure out

is it so instantaneous that it's gone in the middle of the morning.

I'm going to worry tonight.

They could take a sneak peek at my O face after I've been gratified.

No, like if you want something, you buy it.

And, you know, assuming it's within reason financially.

So

if I know something's coming out and I'm like, oh, cool, I want to get that.

And I go to a site and it's like, oh, the site crashed or whatever, it's annoying.

It's frustrating, you know?

I think it's supposedly all better now.

The band-aids and

the fingers are in the little holes in the dikes.

You can say it.

You can say it.

Would you, I mean,

when was, do you think there ever was a real person who saved the town by putting his finger in a dike hole?

Damn hole.

Probably.

What did you say?

Damn hole.

I mean,

Nambla.

No, that's not their fucking speed.

No, I doubt it.

I doubt it.

I doubt it.

I think the water pressure, if they have an entire dike holding back whatever volume of water, some little kid being like, I know how I'll save the town.

Or let's just say it's an adult then.

Even an adult.

Is that like their, oh, what if they got fingers like yours?

I put two in.

Okay.

You get two in there?

They're like, well, put two in.

No, I doubt it.

In fact,

the biggest ever happened?

I don't think so, man.

I mean, should I look on Snopes and be like, did the Dutch boy really, really put his finger on a dyke?

Do you think that story is just one of those old felt like it's an old wives tale?

Yeah.

I don't even remember.

Like, is it a fucking fairy tale?

What is it?

Let me say.

Brave Dutch Boy Saves Holland.

Oh, it's Hans Brinker or the Silver Skates.

No, that's not it.

Dutch boy.

Why do you keep saying Dutch Boy?

I thought Dutch Boy was paint.

Dyke.

Or a Dutch kid.

Is there a lot of dams in

the book?

Wait, I just Googled Dutch Boy Dyke and a picture of me from the first season of Comic Book Man with a lesbian came up.

Dutch legend has it that there was once a small boy who, upon passing a dike on his way to school, noticed a slight leak as the sea trickled in through a small hole.

Knowing that he would be in trouble if he were late to school, the boy pocked his finger into the hole and so stemmed the flow of water.

Sometime later, a passerby saw him and went to get help.

This came in the form of other men who were able to effect repairs on the dike and seal up the leak.

The story is told the children to teach them if they act quickly and in time, even with their limited strength and resources, they can avert disasters.

Self-sacrifice.

A small trickle of water soon becomes a stream and a stream a torrent, a torrent, a flood.

A torrent.

Yeah.

Don't know one torrent at Grammarcy.

Even if the site's down and you think to yourself, well, I'll just torrent it since it's not up.

What do you think this whole apology is about?

Trying to soft-soap these matters.

But then you also have a mistake you wanted to clean up?

Yeah, in the Grammar C, as a matter of fact, it's pretty glaring.

At a certain point, we're talking about an octopus, and I refer to it as

a sauropod, as opposed to a cephalopod.

And

I mean, I've been kicking myself for a solid year.

We had time to cut it out, but I left it in.

In all honesty,

the fact that he brought it up,

does it point to a character flaw?

A perfectionist, if you will?

Is Brian Johnson a perfectionist?

I think he might be.

I mean, I'm not going to argue with you guys.

Perfectionist.

On a scale of one to ten,

where would you put how much of a perfectionist are you?

What am I doing?

Just in general?

Just in general.

In your work, in your playtime,

in your everyday life.

How much of a perfectionist are you on a scale of one to ten?

Three?

Three?

Oh, definitely below average.

Really?

So

you're just like,

whatever.

Good enoughist.

Good enough.

Good enough.

What about you?

It's got to be higher than a three.

No.

I don't know if it's much higher than a three.

In every aspect,

there's got to be some things where you're just like, no, it's unacceptable.

It must be a hard nine at least.

Yeah, I think when I was in the fire department, it was higher.

The stakes were a little higher than

sitting on stage.

Yeah.

Fucking up Latin names for good animals.

But

I don't know.

I like operating as part of a team in everything I do, so I could just coast on like a five and like other people could pick up the slack.

Wow.

How about you?

Yeah.

I would have to.

You're saying what?

A five?

Yeah, I'll go like a five.

Like a five is a nice cell.

If it matters to me, it'll bump up.

But not a lot of things matter to me anymore.

Yeah, I would have to.

I don't know.

I think I can't say I'm a 10

because I think being a 10 would be

like you're that's

that's that's like unrealistic.

Yeah.

And you might and who wants to be around a 10 who expects perfection?

No one.

Not me.

That's the only reason I hang out with you is because you're not a 10.

I would have to say

I'm up like in the like hovering in the in around eight, if not a little bit higher.

Wow.

Yeah.

You employ Yenim.

But that goes to my opinion.

That's where the margin of error comes from.

No, that goes to my personality.

That's why my personality is so high, though, because I employ the

unemployable.

Yes.

It makes me look like I'm charitable.

Right.

Since I don't really do a lot of charity work, it makes a good point to get them as my pet project.

Right.

I think Perfectionism is a young man's game anyway, right?

Is it?

Oh, how could you possibly give a fuck at 50?

Like, almost 50?

Yeah.

I was thinking about this, man.

I'll bring it up in a second.

Let's finish this up first.

Go ahead.

That's it.

Oh, I want to finish it up.

Oh, no, finish up.

Yeah, the perfectionism thing.

You say it's a young man's game?

I think perfectionism is a young man's game.

You still got something to prove.

You still got,

you don't learn to love your flaws when you're a young man.

Whereas, like, as you get older,

you can have an affection for your flaws.

I just built an entire career on my fucking flaws.

I had a youthful exuberance, like a moment

I discovered I made that mistake.

Like when I was like, I do have flaws.

I can still make mistakes.

I'm not a 10.

All right.

So, but if you're, I think everything's all fixed now.

And if you're interested in watching

Thomas Teve Dave's first live

concert film, if that's what you want to call it.

What'd you call it that?

Yeah.

And it's a good one because it's visually worth, we felt it was worth videotaping because of all the visuals that we put in.

Videotaping.

We put in the VHS.

Right?

I mean there there were some things worth capturing l uh f um on camera.

And if you have and if you have but if you go there and you buy it and you're fi and you find yourself like you're having a look um trouble getting the movie or you uh need to ask a question or or anything, you can go to at TESD Town on Twitter.

And that Twitter account is going to handle all troubleshooting.

I was thinking of it last night.

Do you have life insurance, Walt?

Do I have life insurance?

My wife maybe

signed some life insurance, but I don't know

how much, though.

Right.

Yeah.

Because I was thinking last night, I was just sitting there, and I'm like, all right,

I'm like 40 years older than Sage almost.

Knockwood.

Probably not going to outlive her.

Right.

So, what happens then?

What happens when I die 40 years from now?

40 hours from now?

You don't know.

Right.

So I got to get life insurance, right?

You have it?

At this stage, you can shit it?

I used to have it.

I don't have it anymore.

I thought you were leaving it to your cats and shit.

No, my money.

I have a will.

I don't have insurance.

Do you get life insurance if you die from natural causes?

You know how much life insurance at this stage

of your life now is going to cost you the premiums.

Oh, it's going to be a lot

really

look at his health.

Look at his health.

What the fuck are you talking about?

What do you mean, my age?

I'm fucking younger than you, asshole.

No, you're not.

Yeah,

your birthday's in December.

Mine's in October, bitch.

No, shit.

October comes before December.

Cinco de Mayo, motherfucker.

But yeah, you should have got this.

You should have got this.

You could have got it like

got a great, great, great policy like 20 years ago

before Sage was born I mean I just thought of it yesterday because now yeah you're you're at that point now where who's going to insure you they're like this guy like I'm like steve-o like they just won't fucking insure me

look at this $250,000 worth of coverage for

$14 a month here's all sorts of caveats right

let's see if you're between the ages of 50 to 59 and considering life insurance, you're going to have this is really appealing to the fucking 20 and under crowd.

The kind you need, health concerns, approval.

Oh, you're right.

Well,

limited availability of longer terms, like 25 to 30 years.

You are not going to be able to get it without paying, like, through the nose.

You should understand that the advice an agent would give a 35-year-old in perfect health is completely irrelevant to you.

Thanks.

It's like they're fucking wrote that for me.

I'm surprised you didn't realize this.

Yeah,

I didn't even think about it.

Okay, health.

I'm actually fairly healthy right now.

Like, relatively to the way things have been over the past couple of years, I just went and like, oh, my blood works fine.

Oh, yeah.

Emptying my bladder like a fucking playa.

Oh, yeah.

Is that some sort of measure of playa-ness?

I guess if you're

dribbling in the hood?

Is that how they

empty their bladders out on the

getting any any dribble?

No,

I think as you get older, it becomes a problem.

You know, like you're you got to like

grab your nuts and like push up on your shaft so all the piss comes out.

Yeah.

Oh, there's a certain procedure.

There's a cup of skin.

You got to squeeze it?

Yeah.

It's like it's like squeezing an udder from a cow.

Once after it hit 60, man, I was like, dude, come on.

Do this yourself.

Have you ever heard this before?

What is that?

You have to squeeze your

privates to get all the stuff out the juice out piss like a juice like a like a cow's udder

um or or or the consequence of that is you dribble in your in your in your under

and then like who is like maybe you're an icicle joker and you're you know you meet up with a fine lass after a show and she's like oh my god your underwear smell like piss yeah i'm on like 50 of the times i have to do the fucking

the toothpaste squeeze.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What?

So he has heard of it.

You squeeze it, you squeeze it out?

Yeah.

Lately, I've been noticing it.

You milk yourself like a

giving yellow milk.

And how much?

The unexpected dribble.

How much force is needed?

No, no, you can usually just get away with a little fucking flick and a shake.

He's like damaging, squeezing it as hard as he could.

Because you get older,

as you get older, your prostate enlarges, and I don't know why it does it, but for some reason that's it.

Is it the shaft or

is it the underbelly?

It's from, I think it's from right down near your nuts where like your urethra begins or whatever.

Oh, I just always noticed sometimes lately that there's a little, just a little bit extra in the tube that doesn't get shot out.

It's a force thing.

But like, no, I'm saying, but I'm talking about when you do it, is it you squeeze the shaft or you don't have to?

You don't squeeze anything.

No, you like, you like run it up, right?

Yeah.

Just so you can.

You mean you run it up?

Like shake it, you know, like you just shake it.

Yeah, you have to shake and squeeze up.

So there is a there is a squeezing involved.

yeah but not a not a not an angry squeeze like a gentle uh

like a gentle bro

yeah just get rid of the rest of it or else you get that fucking one time this is in philadelphia about two years ago

uh we were going on stage we're getting we were getting announced and uh i didn't do the squeeze so sure enough there was a fucking giant quarter-sized pistain on the pants and i was like well i mean i'm literally going on stage right now it was definitely

you looked like fergie and shit.

Yeah, so like what I did was...

In your jeans?

I don't know if I was wearing jeans.

Yeah, of course.

It's like I was wearing a diaper.

Can you imagine how much piss it was?

So what I did is I grabbed the water bottle, and on the way out, I started flicking it around.

So someone got on me and got on the audience, like made a thing of it.

Oh, so you could sort of master yourself.

You shamed it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Behind the scenes, man.

That's some Hollywood, that's probably old school Hollywood tricks.

Some fucking poor woman in the front row had to get doused with some pole in the spring because you couldn't fucking own up to pissing her face.

You should have saved that for a one-true three.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow.

I didn't know.

Have you ever been able to, have you ever been onto a farm and had to milk a cow?

You're so good at it.

I've seen it.

I never did it.

You couldn't make the cow?

I went to a farm on a school trip as a child, and I couldn't make the cow deliver the milk.

Really?

Yeah, I felt like it may have been a.

You know, everybody was making fun of me and I was like, was it...

Like, that's a bull asshole.

And I wondered, like.

That's Tom.

I'm wondering if...

What's he doing to Ferdinand?

If that had anything...

Like, I always worried that, like, was it always to do with my techniques?

Like, was it my, was it my techniques, like, overall?

So later on in life, when you started squeezing titties and shit, you were like...

I was worried that, like, you know, I would like.

Why isn't there any milk coming out?

I'm terrible at this.

No, no, I don't mean to make milk come, but just

overall, like,

if I can't make a cow who's supposed to deliver milk, if I can't make it come out of the udder, I wonder if you can.

How can I make a girl who's not supposed to deliver milk?

I don't think you're supposed to do the same motion on them.

I like also how you're just comparing girls.

You know, when I get with a livestock leader in life, whoever she may be,

how am I going to milk her?

I don't know.

I don't know about you guys, but

whenever I saw on TV someone milking a cow, it felt like I shouldn't watch it.

It almost felt like it was some sort of,

you know, something that should not be shown on TV.

Milking a cow?

Yeah, I don't know.

It's right down by the privates.

It's some sort of like.

Except not.

The utter looks phallic.

Okay.

You're jerking.

So you started congratulating yourself.

Like, yeah, maybe if I was fucking good at jerking off guys, I could milk a cow.

Like, you fucking little queers.

You're all six years old.

I turned it right on those little fucking little pissers that you're fucking me getting on my back because I couldn't make it.

Hey, look at all the milk we got, Walt.

And you're like,

get used to it.

You're going to be sucking down shit that looks like that for the rest of your life.

This is the 70s, though.

I wouldn't say that today.

No, of course not.

Now I know better.

And I would never, ever, ever

used that as

a comeback.

Right.

But back then, you know.

That's what you said.

I don't know.

I just felt it was weird, too, that they made kids even do it, though, try to get into it.

It is strange.

It's like, look, somebody was like, this is months and months ago on Twitter.

Somebody was giving us shit for not knowing how to dress a deer or whatever.

I'm like, dress a deer?

Yeah, I'm like, we literally fucked, or like, kill a chicken or whatever the fuck it was.

I'm like,

we literally grew up like a few blocks from the Jersey shore.

Nobody had cows and chickens and goats and all that shit.

I just got shit for

the Treaty of Versailles thing.

Some guy on Twitter came after me.

What did he say?

From last week.

Some French puss.

You messed that up, huh?

Yeah.

I mean, the thing is.

I'd like to apologize.

No, I don't need to apologize.

Issue a correction?

I do want to issue a correction because I don't want anybody to think that that's the right answer, and then they get it on.

It's because I'm going to Paris next week, so I'm dealing with not that Versailles in Paris, but I'm going to France next week.

And

you think somebody

says somebody in France is going to take you to task.

No, no, no, no, no, you may not let you in the country.

Wait a minute, it isn't cool.

Fuck, apparently, they didn't let anybody in over there.

That's 70s juicy.

No, so I've just been doing a lot of,

I'm trying to go to Versailles, so it was just all my mind, so I just popped in.

But yeah, it was not the Treaty of Versailles.

I think World War I Treaty of Versailles.

So you would even fucking research and check what it was?

No, I know.

Because I know the guy was right.

I forget what it was.

But the point still was that France came to United States aid in the Revolutionary War.

That's right.

You didn't like me shitting on the French.

No, I don't think they deserve it.

I was talking to, you know, you were

just alluding to a certain religious group

with you.

Well, let anybody in France?

Are we talking about

Mark Hayek took it?

Yeah.

Well,

I don't know why you would think I mean that.

Everything's going fine.

With you two, I don't know.

Everything's going fine over there.

I was talking to an official, tell him Steve Dave,

Muslim representative Wabzi

about Waltz.

Very.

This is a guy who can't say basic English words a lot of the times.

And Wabzi pointed out that your pronunciation of Allah Akbar with the box cutter was fucking spot on.

Went on to fucking say,

Does he only eat certain foods?

Does he avoid alcohol?

Yes.

The stash could be a sleeper cell.

They're pretty, I mean, that's a pretty strict religion.

If you're going to go, if you're going to go convert to Muslim, you better have some, you better be

better have good,

like, you got to

adhere

and be all in.

You can't be, you can't be halfway,

not like a Catholic.

Well, I suspect, yeah.

I suspect that

much like how those 9-11 terrorists, you know, how like they came to America and they went to strip clubs and shit to fit in,

I'm charging you with the only reason you have dogs is because you know Muslims aren't supposed to have dogs, and this way no one will suspect you of really perhaps being a terrorist.

Don't say that.

Why?

Don't say that.

This is going off-brand.

This is off-ranch.

This is Wobsey accusing you of this shit, not me.

Also, he said your fear of flying is probably because you're on a fucking watch list from 9-11.

A lot of clues here.

He put a lot of shit together, and I was like, you know, you're right.

And he's a perfectionist.

Now I fucking just found that out.

These guys don't leave anything to.

Is that a trait of the Muslim community?

No, not Muslim.

I'm not talking about Muslim.

I'm talking about terrorists.

Oh.

And is that a trait of

that they're perfectionists?

Well, a lot of them get caught, so I guess not.

I'm 4% 4% Middle Eastern.

Who you are?

I don't appreciate you talking about it.

Did I tell you guys this?

I sent in mine last week.

Yeah.

Didn't I say it last week?

You told me.

Oh,

when we were watching Puppet Mastery and Show.

Oh, yeah.

I got my ancestry breakdown.

Really?

Yeah.

Let's just say there might be only one fucking white boy on this show.

That'd be me.

Ain't you?

Yeah.

That'd be

ancestry composition here, Walter.

I'm very curious to hear what this is.

Okay.

Well, as expected, 95% European.

Mostly Italian.

Some Balkan.

European in your pants because you can't control your bladder like me.

Look at that.

4.5% Middle Eastern and North African.

Nice.

You got some rhythm.

No, I don't.

No.

95% of them has no rhythm.

No.

Are Middle Easterns known for rhythm?

Well, he's saying North Africa, I guess.

Yeah, but isn't that...

That's like Egypt and Asia or something.

No, they're not known for their rhythm.

Well, maybe you're saying like that Egyptian walk that people do.

Oh, maybe.

I got it.

Can you make a rope come out of a basket?

It reminds me, I was watching, this is a while ago, this is like two years ago, I watched, you know, the Bob Hope

Road 2 movies of Bob Hope and Dean.

Dean Martin.

Dean Martin.

Was it Dean Martin?

From Jerry Lewis.

No, Ben Crosby, right?

I don't know.

Yeah, Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis.

Jerry Lewis were.

I think it was

whatever.

It was a Road 2.

And they were there, and they're fucking, there's this guy,

and it's Road 2, I don't know, Road 2 Middle Eastern something, right?

And they're fucking playing that flute in there's a basket, and this fucking hot chick comes out of it, right?

And everybody's like going gaga, like you could back in the day.

They're like, oh, yeah, yeah, right.

So then Bob Hope grabs the flute, right, later on that night, and he's sitting in front of a basket and he's alone.

He wants a little company.

So he starts playing it because it's Bob Hope, though.

A fat chick comes out and he reacts as if Satan himself came out.

And she's not even like fat by

anybody's standards, but just because of it.

Oh my God.

I was like, they could never fucking make anything close to this fucking movie today.

Is there anything close to

a modern-day rat pack anymore?

Oh, yeah.

Who is it?

I would imagine like

the dude who was in the Titanic.

Leonardo Caprio.

Ben and Matt.

Those guys are like fucking 45 years old.

Well, that's what the Rat Pack was at their hey.

Actually, those guys are older, weren't they?

Yeah.

I don't think you could do a rat pack thing anymore with the social media and the outside.

Maybe it's the impractical jokers.

You got four guys.

If you guys had like, or maybe it's like the fucking

blue-collar tour with like Jeff Foxworthy and Larry the Cable guy.

Well, it would be, but going back to what you said, you would think that the

America would not want to see a modern day.

Well, the

vocal section of the United States would...

Anyway, wasn't it a very diverse rat pack?

I don't think it just comes down to diver I think they get angry at anything now, Wolf.

It's not just diversity.

It's anything you do

somebody can get offended at.

I mean, if you're too diverse, you're in trouble.

Not diverse enough?

You're in trouble.

There's just no way to win.

I just don't think that they would be able to pull off that same sort of casual racism and misogyny that they did with the.

And poor Sammy Davis.

Had to sleep in another hotel and shit like that.

But even like, even that, the spirit of it, I don't think you could pull off that drinking, smoking, banging the cigarette.

You're like a casual alcoholic.

Yeah, I just don't think you could do it anymore.

I don't see many people

alcohol shame.

Do you?

And smoking or cigarettes?

Well, again, on the blue collar tour, Ron White, doesn't he always have a drink in his hand?

Wolverine can't even fucking smoke a cigar anymore.

I saw Logan.

Well, that's different.

He smokes a car in it, right?

Did he?

There's one moment where he's walking out of the gas station.

Oh, yeah.

He comes back in and grabs a handful of stuff.

I love that fucking little girl, man.

She's cool.

She's unbelievable.

Did you watch the black and white version?

No.

Dude, it's fucking cool to watch.

Is it?

Yeah.

It's like a cool, like, it's a different spin on it.

Like, it just makes it a different feel to it.

It's pretty cool.

What's changed then?

What's changed that there can't be a rat pack in 2017?

Well, I wasn't aware that.

It was so organic back then, right?

They just sort of...

I wasn't aware that the rap pack had some divisive issues, though.

Well, Sinatra was banging everybody's wife.

I think that would get reported

immediately, and people would be like, that's so shameful.

They would shame.

They shame him.

They would cut shame them.

Yeah.

Adultery shaming?

Yeah, I think so.

But isn't it warranted, though?

Well, yeah, of course it is.

You're saying it's warranted, but that's why they couldn't get away with it.

You got to keep it on the ground.

Like, here's the thing, that shit still goes on, but you got to fucking keep it on the ground.

Whereas that was like a celebration of all things fucking manly and awesome.

I mean, you got to figure Sinatra was a fucking dickhead, right?

Like, in real life.

He should be in the same room with him.

It must have been a lot of fun.

I think he's unbearable.

Yeah, I don't think the three of us would have liked him.

Any of them, I think we would have been like, oh my God, these guys are fucking assholes.

Yeah.

That's why anybody I found that have ever worshiped them a little too much, I'm always like,

kind of unbearable.

Like, they've, like, I've met people and I've been like, oh, God.

They think they're Dean Martin.

But then I find out they're super fans of the rap pack and I'm like, now it makes sense.

I just, yeah.

Well, it was also like a, was it an Italian thing?

Yeah.

Did more Italians like it?

Well, Italians love Sinatra.

They love Sinatra so much.

They can look past the fucking

demopties the fucking

abusive abusive behavior

yeah like real abusive to his kids too wasn't he supposedly he didn't seem like he was and look I you know I love Elvis and he you know I don't think I would have liked him if I knew him either yeah so well he just seems so out there it's just crazy you just got to let it go and like not fucking care like

you gotta love the art but maybe not love the artist separate the art from the artist and they can't you just nailed the whole point home you can't do that in this day and age you're not allowed to separate the art from the artist anymore i think you're right Well, say somebody like Mel Gibson.

Mel Gibson.

Wow.

Yeah, that's a perfect example because I love his art.

But I don't like the man, though.

What don't you like about him?

But I would kill to see another fucking lethal weapon, though.

I really wish that Hollywood just or the

bravery just could just

get along.

He's getting back slowly, slowly, slowly.

Is he?

He just directed Hacksaw Ridge.

That was a fucking huge success.

He probably wants He's in what's that, Stepdad?

The movie Stepdad with Will Farrell and

he's in the sequel.

He plays one of them.

Do you think he'd even entertain becoming Martin Riggs again?

He might, because he might be like,

if everybody would love me again, this is the way to do it.

Oh, yeah.

Could the other time.

I don't know.

Do you think?

I mean, today's audience is way, like, skewed way younger.

They're like, what's lethal weapon?

And plus, Lover?

No, I don't think

What was Martog?

What is it?

Murtog.

Murk Tog.

He would be.

He'd be in his 70s.

I mean, they both were.

It's like, seriously, I'm too old for this shit.

It's like, please stop asking.

How about a grizzled, grizzled Mad Max?

Yes.

Like he survived.

You know, just like he's on.

I think that ship has sailed, but I think he could do it.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I think it'd be great.

I think it'd be awesome.

Did you like The Last Mad Max?

Oh, I loved it.

Did you?

Are there plans to do another one?

I've heard, but I don't know if it's going forward.

I love the look of it, but I certainly was not impressed with the story.

I didn't think there was even a story, though.

No, I didn't think there was much of a story.

But if you look at those old Mad Maxes, it's not like the stories are fucking great on those either.

No, but boy, but there was the amount of acclaim for what was it called again?

Fury Road.

Yeah, I mean, it was like, they were talking about Oscar for like best picture, and I'm like, well,

they were.

There was

buzz.

And I was just like, well, if this is getting this kind of buzz, I'm like, I cannot wait to see this movie.

And I was stunned that

there was absolutely not a story there.

I just think visually it was so unbelievable that they were like, this alone is an achievement in that.

But was it too beautiful, though?

And then it got away from maybe it wasn't.

It didn't have that grit that the first one.

Well, actually, the second one would have had.

The first one is almost unwatchable.

The first one I tried to watch last year, and I was like, I can't even fucking, I don't even, I don't even care or know what's going on.

But that second one's just amazing, and there's no, like, there's no CGI in that.

Yeah.

And you don't have to watch the first one to watch the second one, right?

Like, it's almost like its own restart of the franchise.

He doesn't talk until almost like,

like, what, an hour into the movie?

I think if

this latest Mad Max did get nominated for an Oscar, it would lend a hell of a lot of credence to like, Oscar's so white.

People would be like, this is fucking just crazy now.

But, like, I'm not making that up.

I remember there was, there was a, like, uh, there was a buzz about that it was going to get nominated as Best Picture.

Yeah, and so when I saw that, I was like, this has got to be like an unbelievable movie.

And if they're talking about Best Picture, and I was like, waiting for it to kick in.

I was like, well, when is the well, it was also the politics of it.

Like, you know, people love it when a female lead is like out there and kicking ass, then fucking everybody starts fucking losing their mind about it.

Yeah, we saw on your Twitter.

Well, Fury Road was a good movie, as was Wonder Woman.

You can't make Wonder Woman without a female lead.

So, like, what?

It's not like I liked the movie because it was a female lead.

Like, I liked the movie.

Like, what is the fucking issue here?

Yeah, you loved it.

You loved it.

You saw it twice?

You saw it twice?

I did say it twice, yeah.

I saw it once.

And

I felt like I saw it three times.

You don't like it?

I liked certain things about it.

Yeah.

It was too long.

It was just too long.

Really?

I didn't feel that.

I don't understand it at times.

I know I'm going to be.

I hope I don't take any heat for this, but.

Why wasn't anyone milking the Amazons?

I don't understand how Wonder Woman or whatever you.

Did she ever call Wonder Woman in a movie?

No, they never said that.

I don't understand how the star of the movie can

conduct herself the way

and then at the last 10-minute mark of the movie be like,

I'll stand for love.

Well,

you just killed probably hundreds, if not thousands, of people.

And

how are you going to now all of a sudden be like, well, I stand for love?

People who are just trying to enjoy a Nazi party.

And I don't understand.

And I would like someone to, what does that mean?

Because it's a great, like,

it's a great message.

But what does it mean when you're like, I'll stand with love?

Well, I think.

As a superhero.

I think that my interpretation of it was in that moment, she was, wasn't she on the cusp of like

going going with Aries for a second there?

Didn't she have like an eternal grapple?

Like she was pissed at the end when she was holding the tank over her head and like there was that moment where

I mean, you knew which way she was going to go, but the movie tried to make it like.

It was going to be like an inner struggle.

Right.

Like of like, all right, so she is a god and she realizes she's a god and she can go in that direction but she was like well i you know i fell in love with a human so

i'm gonna go in that direction i'm gonna follow that but as a superhero yeah

and i believe that um the message

that is a message that is um

resonates

today

Can we fight, can we fight the things that we are fighting against today?

Can they be fought with love?

If you have bulletproof bracelets and the magical lasso and you're an immortal goddess, yes, you could fight them with love.

You the three of us?

No, but there are people.

But that's why the movie's called Wonder Woman and not tell them stupid.

But there are people who, there are celebrities, and there are people

who strongly and firmly believe that the war or

things that we tend to

use

violence against

can be waged and won through using love, right?

You've heard that before, right?

Sure.

But do you even know what that

doesn't mean anything?

But one of the women didn't do that.

She said that while she was holding a fucking tank over her head and throwing it at people.

But

she said it in the past, and then when she got to the future,

the present, she said it again.

Yeah, but she still had a sword and kicked the shit out of doomsday

in Batman vs.

Superman.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah, she didn't wage war, she didn't wage love then either.

I mean, love only goes so far, man.

You know what I'm saying?

And she can't really make the statement.

Sure, she can.

Why can't she?

But you can't, but you've got to walk the walk then.

She's just talking to talk you.

Well, you'd think that compared to, let's say, in that in Batman vs.

Superman, Batman,

who is killing common criminals and, you know, blowing people away with his Batmobile, do you think that he's chosen love as a

saying it though?

He because

he knows he's not.

Well, what I'm saying is like she's a different type of hero than he is.

Okay, so why not put, but yet she still reverts to the same tactics as Batman did when doomsday came out.

She didn't decide to be like, hey, let me hug this motherfucker.

No, I'm not going to try to be funny

and be condescending to the side that wants to try love.

But why not try her?

Why not?

Because you know why?

Why can't Wonder Woman go out there and say, hold on, Superman, Batman?

Let me just talk to him.

Let me see if I can work this out with words, compassion, and love.

Because that doesn't sell.

Well, it's also not realistic.

I mean,

even in a comic book movie, you can't solve things by hugging them out.

Sometimes people just need to get fucking bitch slapped and killed down.

Yeah, sometimes they have to.

So you've got to throw a tank at people.

But then you're not, then you're not standing for love, then.

Like, if she had been like, I stand with justice, it's way more open-ended.

Yes, it's more broad.

However she decides to

be.

So you're saying that anybody who engages in violence is incapable of loving their enemy?

Of using love at any point

as a tactic.

Well,

I'm not saying that, but what I'm saying is, but if you're going to to say that and you're going to.

We're in a grandstand.

Yeah, yeah.

You're going to use it as some sort of.

She said it to one person.

She didn't make a bumper sticker out of it and fucking put it on the back of the wall.

It was the pivotal moment in the movie.

Because she fell in love.

Like, all right, so here's a person who has never fucking had any experience with humanity at all, right?

She's thrown in.

She knew what love was before she left that island, and you know it.

And she was not in love.

I don't know.

She knew the love of her sisters and her mother.

That's not the same as the fucking love of Chris Pine.

And you know it, and I know it.

That's lust.

Yeah.

Yeah, but lust is part of love, no?

Some would say it has nothing to do with love.

Oh, I don't know if I agree with that.

Real love?

Like,

I'll die for you, love.

I'm going to die for anybody that I don't want to fuck.

I mean, are we talking seriously?

That's crazy talk.

I'm going to die and not get pussy.

What are you talking about?

Yeah, I mean, I wonder what you're nitpicking about.

Like, I wonder what your point is.

You're choosing to put this message out there.

It is a concentrated effort.

To put what message out there that, like, some, like, love, yeah,

can conquer

not all, but, like, it's, it's another aspect that we don't really think about.

And she's above us, and she's choosing love, which means that literally a god.

Right.

So she's saying that, like, there's a better way, but yet we haven't seen her choose a a better way so far in the movies.

You can say it, and your only reason you're saying it is because of the current climate, I believe.

I don't believe that

comment even comes out if we're, if we're not, if 2000, if not 20 years ago, this is the 70s.

Oh, I don't think that.

I don't think that she's even mentioning

I stand with love or I choose love.

Maybe.

She's like, Batman, get them.

I'll take notes.

I don't know.

I mean,

I think if you, if you, within the DC universe, because there's so many different interpretations of

the movies, the movies.

She is not angry or haunted or,

you know, she's not like.

She should be.

Why should she be?

The great love of her life,

as you claim.

Right.

Unless was in the movie, I guess.

Is Steve.

What is his fucking name?

Rogers.

Trevor.

Steve Trevor.

Right.

So Steve Rogers.

Captain America.

Captain America.

He died sacrificing himself.

She couldn't save him.

You know, this should have been.

Well, she also had 100 years to get over it.

Steve Rogers, you know, never forgot Sharon.

Yeah, but Steve Rogers didn't have all those years to get over.

Not boom.

The guy was frozen and ice.

He wasn't awake for those fucking 60 years.

For him, it was a day for me.

So a time healing.

Time heals all wounds, yeah.

Even Wonder Woman's, who's never taken on another lover since, Steve Trevor.

Well, we don't know that.

There's no way they're going to do that.

There's no way they're going to show that in the movie.

You don't think

that Wonder Woman has had sex with a man once in her life, and then that's it.

Yes.

All right.

I mean, you're saying that with no evidence to that.

I mean,

do you have anything to back up that she hasn't?

Of course not.

He's going to try and just paint her as a whore?

Yeah, why are you shaming her?

I don't even see the idea.

There's no way that she's tasted the

dick once, and I'd be like, I'm good.

The carnal desires of somebody else besides Steve Trevor.

No?

That's her main, that's her first love.

Theory.

That's a theory, but I don't know.

Yeah, but I don't fuck my first love anymore.

You're not a god.

Someone argued not for that.

You just admitted you're a foreign, by the way.

But you're not perfection.

She is an actual...

She's perfection.

She's perfection.

I don't know if that was ever implied, that she's perfection.

That she's not the perfect woman?

According to who?

If you were to put at all, well, is she not the most...

She should be the epitome of the perfect woman/slash God.

Well, I don't know if I agree with that, because then how boring would that be if there was never she never had any struggles or doubts or anything like that?

You mean in terms of like for like for

the plot lines, you mean?

Or you mean if she are we going on the like the assumption that this is all real?

Well, I mean, you know, it wasn't a documentary, right?

Yeah, but I mean, even in the movie, like, if she was just right and perfect at all times, like, that wouldn't make a very good movie.

Well, by now, in the present, she should have learned all there is to know.

You would think.

You would think.

But we don't know.

Well, that's a whole, I mean, the God, God, regular God, is infallible, right?

Isn't that what?

Yes.

Right.

So yeah, but she's a Greek god, a Roman?

Yeah, she's not.

Yeah.

But still a goddess.

A goddess.

Right.

So wouldn't it say apply to her?

But there in Greek mythology there isn't also a regular god like

Christian God.

It's just all Greek gods.

Zeus, right?

And then Zeus would be God.

But is he the only he's the only infallible one in every?

I don't think that he's infallible either.

Zeus?

Yeah.

Yeah, Zeus made a lot of mistakes.

He fucked up a lot, that dude.

Remember

Ricky's atheist called him Zeus.

Some kid in high school.

Like me, Walt.

And if Ricky Zabel is listening, he would know.

I don't know why they called him anythese.

Now, granted, like, we've seen such a small smidgen of her, of her, the movie character,

the movie version of Wand Woman.

But I don't know.

I just feel that

you're going to push that agenda.

And there was an agenda to be like, to make her stand apart from

the male

superhero, I think.

Because you, because I don't see a lot, I don't see any of the superheroes out there today proclaiming in the middle of a fight that I stand for love.

It's probably not going to happen.

And I think that it was definitely,

I think, only a feminine superhero would be able to say that.

Yeah, but so what?

I'm not saying, but, but, but if you're going to say it,

then you should show some sort of

example of your belief then.

And I don't see anything.

It's like if she were like, I stand with nature and then fucking totally like scorched a rainforest in order to get somewhere.

She lived in paradise.

Right?

Theischemia.

Yes.

Paradise Island.

She lived there.

She was happy there.

Can I ask you a real quick question?

How do they

procreate?

How do they

know?

Remember, she was the only child.

She was the only child.

So, but who all the other women?

They're mortal, right?

So they're going to die eventually?

No, they are immortal.

They're all immortal.

Well, either that or while they were on the island, they were mortal.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was going to say, didn't the lady die?

The one?

The ant or whatever?

Yeah, not immortal in life.

They can still be killed with bullets, but they don't age.

Oh, they don't age, okay.

There's some sort of spelling.

Or they only age to a certain point because

I think they were that old when the spell was put on the island or something like that.

Oh, somebody who put the spell on the island.

Well, Zeus.

Zeus.

Okay.

Some artists.

he's imperfect.

But Brian's point of like, it's like saying, like,

I stand with nature, and then she goes out and she's.

Well, this is my point.

This is what I was saying.

It's like she lived in Paradise Island.

She was happy.

She was good.

She was in a paradise.

I don't think she was happy.

I think she was pretty happy.

She was constantly being repressed by her mom.

She's like, oh, cut the shit.

She was repeating at every moment.

Yeah.

In the scenes you saw of her growing up, yes, she was rebelling until she found out that humanity needed her help and she left paradise to go help humanity.

If that isn't an act of love, I don't know what the fuck is.

It's the ultimate act of rebellion.

Because why does Batman do it?

Batman does it to avenge his parents.

It's basically post-traumatic stress disorder.

Okay, but who was the ultimate act of love for who?

For humanity.

That she hasn't had that the only time she's come into contact with.

Literally 1% of the humans she's met have been nice to her and everyone else has been shooting at her.

And murdering her sisters.

Right, and they're the bad guys.

And then she found out that there's people everywhere, women and children, dying at that shit.

And she was like, well, I got to go out there and do what I can to stop it.

That's not a form of like.

You wouldn't label that as like protective love or something like that?

Well, I mean, what took.

Yeah, but it's, but you know what, though?

But it's easy to say you love

the good guys,

but yet you got to shit.

But if you're going to say

you're waging a battle with love against your enemies, then that means you're waging a different tactic.

You're doing something different than punching or shooting or

anything like that.

No, the motivations are different.

And she said, didn't she even say, and I don't remember, didn't she even say, like, that the Nazis aren't bad people?

They're just being fucked over by Aries.

And Steve Trevor.

Right, the Germans.

And Steve Trevor was like, you're wrong.

They just fucking want to do this.

Like, sometimes people are just pieces of shit.

Yes.

And she rejected that.

Yes.

Because

she has this very

kind view of humanity.

Naive.

Sure, naive, but we're talking about her motivations.

That's all we're talking about here.

And you can have that mindset, but when push comes to shove, you need to show me something more than just words.

And then as soon as the shit hits the fan, she's punching and kicking and throwing tanks

just like everybody else.

Right.

She's a

love warrior.

But why are you separating violence from love?

I don't understand why.

Like, I don't stand on the same thing.

You need to show us a different way if you're going to say that.

Why do they need to show you a different way if you're going to show that?

It's about the motivation.

You agree.

You need to show us something different because there is, like, if you're going to say, so if somebody's attacking someone you love,

you're not going to go in there and fucking wreck shop to save them?

I'm not a love warrior.

No.

I have no love in my heart.

But it doesn't, but the point is, like,

I'm not exposing it and shoving it down everyone's face.

Yeah, but my point is this.

It's just like, if you're going to protect someone you love through the use of violence to protect them, you're still motivated by the love for that person.

Like, it's still there, it's just the only fucking thing that'll work is punching a fucking asshole in the face.

So, at the end of the day, you can say you're going to say I'm non-violent.

She said, I'm, she basically said, I'm motivated by love.

I don't want to join you, Aries, and rule over these people.

Every person fighting for something,

no matter how.

That's not true.

Batman is not motivated by love.

Batman is motivated by fucking the trauma of seeing.

You don't think he loves

his friends?

I don't think Batman loves a single person that he's seen.

He doesn't love Robin?

That's a different thing.

You don't think he loves Dick?

Sure, he does.

But Dick was around after his mission started.

He's not motivated to be a man.

I don't think we call him Batman.

Can we just call him Robin?

Dick?

Like, do we have to say Dick?

But Robin came along after he was already on that path.

He didn't love Jason?

Sure, he did, but it's the same thing.

All of that came.

What about Alpha?

None of that is his motivation.

I don't know if he loves Alpha.

None of that motivation came from a position of anything besides the trauma that he experienced as a child.

There was no love involved in that.

Superman is

he was raised that way.

Like, she's different.

She's just straight up motivated by Karen.

So I took it too literal?

I think you are...

I think nobody would watch a movie in which one, the woman, went around and hugged out all the problems in the world.

Of course,

nobody would go watch it.

But what we're saying, too, is that in real life, people say that.

So it's like they're not saying I'm motivated by love and then going and kicking ass.

Right, but

they're saying let's hug it out with these people.

But you could do anything for the wrong or right reason, right?

Sure.

So all I think the movie was saying is that the reason that she's doing it and what makes Wonder Woman different from these other people is that she is motivated from a place of unselfish.

I mean, you could argue that she was created for it, so maybe she doesn't have free will in the issue.

That argument

would weigh in on your own.

She doesn't have her own mind.

Because she was created for the sole purpose of stopping Aries, so maybe she doesn't have free will.

And maybe this whole love shtick is just a way of talking into herself into it.

So, you think Superman is the exact same in the same situation?

No, Superman let his fucking father die from a fucking tornado.

But he loves it.

Like, that doesn't seem right.

But he doesn't come across as grim and gritty.

He doesn't want to come to the city.

No, I think he comes from a more moral place

than a love place.

I don't think Superman looks at planet Earth and like, I have this overwhelming love for this place.

I think that his parents raised him a certain way.

They instilled some morals into him.

And he, if anybody, is motivated by justice.

I don't think it comes from a place of love.

We know Batman's not.

I could buy that one.

The woman, especially in that movie, came from a place of caring about humanity.

And that's why she did everything she did.

That's how I see it.

And sometimes, even if you're going to stand with love, that means you'll have to get bloody.

Yeah.

All right.

Like that one week out of the month where you're like, I don't even care, man.

I'm going for it.

Got my red-winged son.

Didn't the end remind you, though, with the ragtag group that she's with sneaking into the Nazi party?

Didn't it really remind you of the Wizard of Oz?

Well, I didn't think about that.

They're hiding in the bushes.

I thought it sort of had the same vibe with

the lisp movie.

Oh, yeah, I didn't put that together.

Yeah, that's what it reminded me of.

She's nice to look at.

She's very pretty.

And she, like, all the action shit was very cool.

Yeah.

I heard that there were some people upset that she had shaved underarms.

Why?

Why?

Because, you know,

that was something that probably wouldn't have.

Well, again, nobody's going to go see a fucking movie with one of the women running around with hands.

Yeah, look like a a fucking hippie from Woodstock.

Yeah, that's just gross.

Really?

You don't think?

But that would be a legitimate, like.

Like, they should have had, if they wanted to keep it real, they would have had thighbrows and a bush hanging out of her short shorts.

You know, I take it back.

I would go see that fucking movie.

You don't think it would be a nice little nod to like, like, that, like, she doesn't need to have this much, like,

what's it called?

Not upkeep, but like, what's it called when you do

grooming?

Yeah, like, like, she would not,

she would not

be so concerned with it.

That was such a

privilege.

But it's not like there was an extended scene of her grooming or anything.

It's just like that's the way it was.

Maybe she doesn't grow under arm hair.

She's a goddess.

Maybe.

All right, for the sake of argument, let's talk about it.

Like shave her legs and stuff on.

She doesn't have hair on her legs or underneath her arms.

One other place, bro.

Booyah.

Yeah, what's up?

Tough brand.

Yeah,

let's not talk about 70s bush anymore.

When you're heading off to

your next chain restaurant, Walt, you're going to want to wear your meundis.

Yeah, definitely.

Because

you're going to be spending some time in that booth.

You want to be comfortable.

And what's more comfortable than fucking sustainably sourced micro-modell.

Hey, you know what?

I don't know if you listen to Bill Burr's podcast.

No.

But he recently got slapped down for

doing commercials by making fun of the sponsors.

Really?

Really?

Yeah.

And he.

He lost some advertisers?

He lost Blue Apron, I think.

Did we lose Blue Apron?

We haven't had Blue Apron in a while.

No, I think we did it last week.

Or the week before.

I don't think we lost him.

But yeah, because

he would do commercials the same way we did.

I'm glad we don't poo-poo and take the piss out of the advertisements.

No, we love them.

We love them.

Yeah.

I'm wearing meandies right now.

It's no joke.

So am I.

Are you really?

Yep.

What about you, Q?

You're wearing that silly cat.

Hey, Jess is wearing your Miandis.

Oh.

Get him.

Get him wearing my Miandis?

Somebody sent you.

Yeah, Miandi sent you a happy birthday.

They said it was sweet too.

They sent you a happy birthday

bag of Miandis.

Get him just took it too late.

No, I thought you didn't want it.

Because it was,

I gave it, I left it in your spot last week, and then

it was still sitting here.

So I said, get him.

I guess you didn't want to.

You put some underwear on.

I'm sick of looking at your cock for your shorts.

So he went in the bathroom and put them right on.

Oh, that's fine.

I'm happy with that.

I'm okay with that.

Now we can watch that one.

We can officially say to get him gotten

in Q's undies.

If you say it, there's no way to dispute it.

Totally true.

We should hashtag that meundies.

Get it trending.

Get him got in Q's undies.

Yeah.

Get him in Q's undies.

You've perfected your wardrobe.

That's a pretty big fucking leap.

Look at me.

I'm in a fucking 10-year-old Star Wars t-shirt from fucking old movie.

Dude, 80% of my wardrobe is shit I've gotten for free from people who just pay for it.

I think that may be why, like, all these, like, not just online stuff, but also, like, malls and these, like, BB and these higher-end stores.

What was the store that just closed?

Stacey worked.

The Limited.

The Limited.

I think that

Target, places like Target aren't.

They're not looked down upon like they once were in terms of, oh, that's cheap, shitty clothing.

I don't think anybody did that but you.

No, no.

I don't think anybody did that but you.

You're always not.

I don't think anybody did not do it but you were like a terminator scoping for anybody who didn't have Nikes on so you could fucking

dehumanize them.

Just like

just so you could go on the attack and like, like, look at his skips.

Yeah, what brand of shit.

What year are we talking about?

Because it may be accurate.

It's not like what we were walking together tonight.

No, no, no.

No, not.

Like Skips Jr.

I forgot about skips.

That is the ultimate insult to footwear.

Hey, man, I got my skeleton.

I'm good.

I know.

Your skeleton are kick-ass compared to skeletons.

I don't think anybody, I don't think today, especially kids of today, they are so

conscience about not passing judgment.

There's not a chance on earth that they're going to stigmatize other children because they brought their clothes at a target for Kohl's.

No, but they'll judge them quietly.

No.

They will.

Then why the fuck were your girls always going to Hollister or Amber Crombie and Fitch?

She just went to fucking Hollister.

I sat outside.

We were like trolled men on the fucking porch.

You know, like Hollister has sad.

Me and him are sitting in the chair grousing about shit out front, staring off.

But they buy stuff in Kohl's, and they buy stuff way more at Kohl's, though.

But Kohl's is expensive, isn't it?

I only said she could buy something in the mall because I was at the con.

I was like, go ahead and you could, you don't know this, but I said, yeah, but you can go buy something at the mall since if we're going there.

Unless you got a special pass or something.

Usually, I'm telling you, though.

Kohl's isn't cheap, though.

Even Target's not cheap.

No, it's not.

So, yeah, so like if you were concerned and you were keeping sage out of Target or Kohl's, don't worry about it.

It's okay.

Okay, so I don't have to go to sex

in order to get her play close.

I'm like, what's with the skip, Sage?

Fucking embarrassment.

I should dehumanize you.

I mean, for Christ's sakes.

Dehumanize.

You got.

How many strikes do you need against you, kid?

Now you're wearing skips?

Fuck, I'm doing my best here.

All right, she's ready for school.

Go inside.

Their teacher won't be.

She is brimming with self-love.

All her early friends are surrounding her, just looking at the grass.

Oh, you wait until you dropped her off to make your spectacles?

Oh, yes.

The whole time.

It was building the whole time of dropping her to school.

But she also was wearing meundi, so I hope she told everyone that.

I hope she told them that they're designed in LA, made from a fabric three times softer than cotton.

They're very soft.

You can save time and money each month of a monthly subscription.

And if you're not ready for that, it's okay.

You can still save because Myundi's is offering you 20% off your first pair.

Just use our special URL, meundis.com/slash T-E-S-D, and get 20% off your first pair.

Go on.

Revamp your underwear drawer.

You deserve it.

That's meundies.com slash T-E-S-D.

meundis.com slash T-E-S-D.

This, I read an article today that made me wonder, Walt, if this,

wonder, Walt,

if this is going to affect you as your years go on and you're looking for shit to do.

Because a lot of stores are closing.

All kinds of closing.

Brick and mortar.

Brick and mortar shit.

Not the stash, though.

Not the stash.

You know, I mean, we can always do better.

Many department store chains that serve as major anchors of malls are closing.

Sears, which is closing 150 of its Sears and Kmart stores.

JCPenney, Macy's,

Michael Coors, who I don't even know he had his own store.

But here's the big news: Walt,

within five years, between 20 to 25 percent of American malls will close.

You know what?

That would have been.

You and your family better get on fucking vacation and hit these malls

before they're gone.

I think I was more of a mall rat

back in the 90s and early 2000s.

When the girls still wanted to go with you, yeah, now that the girls can do their, you know, their mall and without their parents, there's

nothing to bring me to the mall.

I'm a mall rat, though.

They just stung on them and leave the house.

I just don't, there's nothing to bring me to a mall anymore.

I mean, I used to do all the all the stores that had all the collectible toys and

do the action figure runs at malls, the Babbages, the GameStops, the

Songs.

James Top is closing.

Yeah, all the stores.

But now that that game ended so long ago,

I'll look back on that if it happens and the mall goes the way of the dinosaur.

I'll look back on it as one of the

greatest memories of my life was the fact that I got to experience what it was like to go shop in a mall.

Yeah.

Tell your grandchildren someday.

I think that people

doing our online shopping.

It's not the same thing, man.

But I know that it's just now for the sake of speed and

what's it called?

Instant gratification.

Yeah, it's like I know that's the way it's going, but

I think that

the society is losing something, though.

When the mall goes away,

I think we'll see an even

sharper decline in America and values and

the way we conduct ourselves.

Do you think the mall is the only thing holding the country together?

You'll see.

I mean, where else are kids going to go to hang out, though, right?

That's where you go.

The mall still?

No?

Do kids even hang out anymore?

They just

look at their fucking phones all day.

Yeah, but they hang out together.

It's so weird.

Is that like three or four girls that hang out together?

Like my daughter goes to three or four girls, and they're going out, and yet they're not even talking to each other.

They're on the phones talking to three other four friends who aren't with them.

So it's a bizarre, like

technology, sometimes it's the greatest thing, and I think sometimes it's the death of the death of everything.

Oh, definitely.

You know, it's the.

Well, I mean, they're even because corporations, like if you go to, say, you go to the bank, right?

And you're at a teller,

there's a person there to ask you if maybe you could just do this at the ATM instead of

weird.

It's like, can I get, I mean, little human, like they're hiring a person just to be like, yo, go use that machine.

Yeah, but I'll tell you what, to that thing, do you want to fucking wait online for 20 minutes or you just want to zip over to that machine and deposit your check?

Well, if it was 20 minutes, then no.

But if it's like, I just walk in and there's nobody there, I don't know.

You want to go deal with some fucking...

Either way, it doesn't really bother me.

Don't you think, but there's something to be said for a business that's well,

you could conduct business with a human being face to face, which is what we're getting away from.

I mean, like in the mall, I see the like.

But what business?

Well, I mean, commerce.

I mean, financial business.

Yeah, I mean, I guess.

Like, like banks at one time, like, that's what it was, customer service.

Your friendly neighborhood banker.

You know, they don't give out toasters anymore.

No.

I haven't had toast in decades

but speaking to you're talking about malls closing i saw an article uh from uh i guess like forbes or finance

all these chain restaurants are like hurting so badly the ruby tuesdays the um like there's one man in america that's keeping them all afloat

all these like you know applebees all all and all their ilk hurting so badly and they attribute it to

and I'm hoping this segues right into a blue apron, but they're attributing to these online

food services.

I was in Brooklyn today, and they that and uh HelloFresh, which is another one of those food delivery things, has people on the street signing people up for HelloFresh.

They have like teams of people out there to talk to people.

Oh, yeah.

Like, they're really like pushing you to not shop anymore.

And they're and they said that in the article they said that a lot of these companies blame uh millennials for not wanting to eat out anymore.

Good for them.

But I'm like, but like, I don't know about you, but Q, did you eat out a lot as a kid?

Yes.

You did?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, we didn't eat out that much as a kid.

Not with my family.

I meant

when I got to the age where I was out rolling on my own.

We're not talking about.

How old are you?

We're not talking about 20.

We're talking about with your family.

Oh, my family?

No, my mother cooked a lot.

Most of the time.

Was it a rare?

I mean, like, I thought we were talking about teenagers again.

I mean, maybe once

three or four times a year we went out to eat.

I mean, probably more than that.

For us, it was literally once.

Once a year.

Once a year.

We'd go out to get a Christmas tree before Christmas.

And I'm not talking about like McDonald's or anything.

I'm talking about go out to a place to sit down where you tip somebody.

Right.

And

that was the time we would go out once a year to wherever, like what's the ground round with the peanut shit or some shit?

Go there.

And it was like we'd go get a Christmas tree.

How good was that atmosphere?

You like it was awesome because they had, like, I mean, you couldn't hear them, but the cartoons.

Yeah, that was that was that was pretty good.

But now, like, guess how, guess how often, what take a guess per week, how often me and my children go out to eat

seven days a week.

How many of those days are eaten?

As millennials, they're like, Where's the blue apron, motherfucker?

Like, am I like, I was like, Wait, are you talking about ordering also?

We don't, I'll tell you this right now.

We

never order in.

Don't order in?

Out of seven days, I'm going to say, say i'm gonna go high i'm gonna say six if it's if it's what are you gonna say q that seems like a lot of money spent on food

i was gonna say maybe two he's not spending on grooming you should see his armpits

if it's it it may be higher than six

seven days a week

it is the the we eat in maybe once a year now it's the exact opposite of what you experienced right so now eating out for my kids is nothing it's like if they're if we eat in you're like what's going on?

Is someone dying?

Like, what happened?

Did someone lose a job?

I mean, why are we eating in?

It would be like, it it's like.

Did the site go down and we couldn't sell the grammar shit?

It's that's how that's how often like so it is not a special occasion.

There will be no like

looking back on like remember that one time we went out to eat, we had a great time?

It was like it's so

but how a restaurant is going out of business it also

like is if I look back I'm like remember that one time it's like oh yeah it was horrible just like at home

I mean, it's not always something super expensive.

It's like Boston Market,

Masonic.

Bob Evans.

Oh, Bob Evans.

They are so conditioned.

Why do you think that is?

They won't even be brought out on it.

Like if they go on a date now and they're like, hey, I'm going to take you out to dinner.

They're like.

End?

Yeah, exactly.

But yeah, bringing a girl out to dinner when we were in high school, that was kind of a big deal.

No, no.

These girls are going to be like, fucking, this dude's a loser, man.

He thinks this is a fucking way.

You go out once a year with your.

Why do I think that is, though?

Yeah, why do you think you eat out so much?

I think we just, me and my wife, were just like...

Fuck it.

Yeah, we were just like, we, we,

you know, she, she was working

and it's like she'd want to come home and cook.

She's like, I've mastered plain grilled chicken, so there's something left for me.

Yeah, and she, and we both felt that we all felt like we enjoyed that more than

staying in and cooking and just became the, it's the way it was.

It's time consuming though, no?

Cooking?

Well, no, like going out somewhere and waiting.

It also feels like you're doing, I know, I know it's like you're missing that.

You could say, well, you could spend time at home eating

in your living room, but

nobody.

Well, I'm glad Blue Apron's not a sponsor this week.

But nobody, but nobody, but I could tell you, at least in my house, no one, if we, the times we did cook and eat at home, nobody was sitting there, it was just my wife cooking.

Right.

And everybody else doing their own little thing until she said, okay, dinner's ready.

Then we came down and ate, and then they went all their different ways.

But at least when we went out,

we drove together.

We talked in the car.

We got there.

We ordered food.

We talked till the food came.

They were trapped in a booth together.

Yeah, they were trapped in me.

They had to talk to me.

That's why to this day, you're like, I'd love to stay home, but I can't get them alone otherwise.

Yeah.

Do you think millennials are to blame for all the ills of the world?

Nah.

No fucking way.

Really?

I thought you would take a shot.

I thought you were taking it.

I thought I was putting that up on T for you to hit out of the park.

No, I would like to.

I would like to blame someone other than myself.

But

I think anyone.

No.

I would like to blame someone other than myself.

Am I a millennial?

No, right?

No, you're pretty young still.

You're a Gen X, ain't you?

Oh, yeah.

I mean, you couldn't tell by the complete lack of interest in everything.

You know what worries me about these millennials?

I'll tell you what it was about.

I think about this.

You know how like the 60s, like all the hippies in the 60s became the fucking people in the 80s that were like.

Oh, the baby boomers or the hippies all became like capitalists.

Yeah.

Because,

like, the thing with the millennials, and I'm just like, because every time I look at them, and not that, like, you disagree with everything they say, but like, anytime they go on and shit, you're like, you're just young.

You don't know how the fucking world works.

You don't know how life beats you down.

You don't, you don't understand.

Like, it's great to fucking sit there and be like.

Your perfectionism will drop to a three before you get to the bottom.

Oh, my God, yeah.

And I'm just like, all right, well, when I hear these, like, like what we talk about on the college campuses, where you, what's all the bullshit that doesn't make sense to us, I'm like, this is because they live in a fucking shelter.

Like, when they get out in the world and they fucking have to make money, and suddenly they have to fucking I hate to say the T-word, but suddenly their taxes are paying for everybody else's free shit.

You're gonna fucking watch them snap around real fucking quick.

And this is a big generation of people.

Like, I feel like

I think these millennials are gonna morph into the most evil generation we've ever seen because the 60s people became the 80s people.

Yeah, but will, but will there be

an 80s boom for the millennials?

I don't think, because

I don't know what prospects they have at this point.

This country does not look like it's going to turn, like they're going to have this 80s boom

that they're going to fall into and they're going to become capitalists.

There's nothing out there for

when they get out of college.

But the 80s boom, a lot of it was based on nothing anyway.

So if they can find nothing to base it on.

What do you mean it was based on nothing?

I mean, you're talking about like the SNL loan crisis, which totally destroyed

the economy.

The junk bonds, the junk bond guys, like all this economic shit that was going on eventually, or something like a real estate bubble.

Eventually, it all just bursts.

But people are so crazy for it in the moment that

they just go along with it.

They just ride the wave.

And that's really what a lot of people did in the 80s.

In the 80s?

Right.

I mean, do you see...

There's a lot more Coke in the 80s, too.

What do you see as for

their

when they when they are ready to become capitalists, what's going to be there for waiting for them to

suddenly open?

I don't know.

Doesn't mean there won't be.

It doesn't mean there won't be something, though.

You know what I mean?

Let them get their own four-code deal.

What I'm saying,

it's like what millennials are, even in even in a lot of, even in some of the more annoying traits that bother people about them, is idealism.

So it's like that gets burned away when you got to fucking figure out when you got to start worrying about yourself instead of the fucking world and who what the fuck is everybody doing and

yeah and i'm all i gotta monitor this person and oh this person said something i don't like when y'all suddenly you have yourself to depend on and then you get married and you have to fucking provide for your family it's just like you see how your scope of what you care about fucking shrinks and shrinks and if you're fucking young Listen to me now because it's going to happen.

It fucking shrinks and shrinks till you just get to the point where it's just like, oh my God, I got to take care of of me and mine.

And now this motherfucker wants to take what's from me to give to other people.

You're just like, oh, fuck this.

Were you just hit with an unexpected bill from Uncle Sam?

No.

No, okay.

Is that a lot of people?

No.

No.

I mean, am I do you think I'm wrong?

You disagree with me?

I think there are some people who will there

that inevitably, yes, there will be people who are very passionate about

their ideals right now, who will,

as they grow older, will become less passionate.

But I also believe there are some who will not grow less passionate and will still be true to their ideals and their principles and

their

hopes for

a very different and more

enlightened society.

So, yeah, I believe that just like just like in the 80s, there are some hippies who never stop being hippies.

Yeah, they're called the homeless.

I don't know, man.

I just, I just don't think it's going to work out like they think.

God damn it.

I hate the cynicism.

Do you?

But I love the passion.

Yeah.

At least I believe in it.

I believe in cynicism.

Do we have any yet?

This is a

any capitalism to

capitalism.

Is that the only one?

No, we got a different one, too.

What's the other one?

Lute Crate.

Damn, man.

Loot Crate is the Mac Daddy.

Luke Crate, let me tell you something, man.

Sage got Luke Crate the other day.

Well, I got Luke Crate, and then she took it, and she was pretty excited about it.

It was like,

what's his name?

The Raccoon with Rocket Raccoon?

Rocket Raccoon with Little Baby Groot on him.

There was a Star Wars coloring book with pencils that she got real excited about.

Then there was a fucking Omar the fucking tent maker size fucking red t-shirt for me.

Why wouldn't I want to stand out more?

Oh, my God.

But yeah, she got a lot of cool stuff that she liked and played with.

June's loot crate queue, if you're wondering, is Alter Ego.

You're going to find items from Spider-Man, Transformers, The Hulk, and DC Comics.

One lucky subscriber.

I wonder how many people subscribe.

I wonder what the chances are.

Probably pretty slim, right?

It's got to be in the hundredths of the business.

Like you're more likely to win the powerball than win this loot crate.

You think they have 100,000 subscribers?

100,000?

Yeah.

I mean, if somebody told me that, I'd totally believe it.

I don't know.

Yeah, I have no idea.

You'll get a mega crate if you win.

You have until the 19th of 9 p.m.

to subscribe and receive that month's crate.

This is one Bill Bird did real

straight to.

On a quest for epic gear, housewares, and collectibles.

Loot crate has its.

If you're more of a fanatical fashionista and and you don't want to go to Target and look like a piece of shit, try Lootwear.

Monthly wearables and accessories with cult classics and favorite franchises.

And if you want to get fancy cue, which I know you do,

get an even bigger box with Loot Crate DX.

Or else, if you want to geek out your pet, which I know you do, try loot pets.

What's more fun than dressing your dog up after your wife and kids have left you?

Because

who the fuck?

There is a certain loot pets.

There is a certain

enjoyment that can only be had by dressing your pet up in something cute.

There is definitely, I know that sounds crazy, but boy,

the few times we've done it, it has been so much fun.

You know, just to like snap the pictures after, you know, he's got the little reindeer outfit on for Christmas or the Santa Claus outfit.

This is even more fun than Shoni's.

This is the best, man.

You may look down on people who dress their pets, but I'm telling you,

I do.

I don't like people.

It's done out of pure love, like Wonder Woman.

Do you stand with love when it comes to dressing up your pets as what?

What did you dress them up as?

Oh, my God.

We put the little fake tuxedo on.

We had the rut.

Did you have a fake wedding for them?

No.

We're not crazy.

Are they also mixed?

We got them fixed.

We got them fixed.

Do you talk to your pets?

Like they're people?

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah, I talk to them.

I do that too.

I actually think

90% of the conversations I have in my life are a mixture of tell them, Steve Dave, and cats.

That's it.

But I do the doggy talk too, though.

Oh, do you?

Yes.

Really?

I talk to my cats.

No, no, when I say doggy talk, I mean I will talk like a baby to them, too.

I'll do the baby talk with them.

I don't really do that.

I just talk to them.

I talk to them, too.

You don't condescend to your pets like we're talking about.

Well,

yeah,

you know,

I will talk to them like I'm talking to you right now.

Yeah.

But when they're.

He talks to you like he talks to his dogs.

It's for love, though.

But when I'm like, when I, when I look at them and I'm and they make me feel all warm inside, I, it's just like, it's, it's like, it's like, almost like that, like, the thing that God put in your head, like, that you can't control.

It's like you just have to talk to them about it.

You've ended many lives.

Jeffrey Dahmer said the same thing.

You just talk to them like they're like, oh, you did you, baby.

Yeah, let's hear some of your, like, like, I'm Cooper.

I'm looking at you like,

who got a big boy?

Oh, you get that big, look at that little belly, you know, stuff like that.

And you rub your face on his belly.

You're trying to make, you say, look for his udders.

You know, right.

He said it couldn't be done.

He said I couldn't milk a dog.

Who's a fat so?

Are you talking to Cooper

so far you've said?

But he's a little chubby, so I'll say,

I'll tell him that he's fat shaming.

It's not a fat fat ass.

No, I don't never only want like he's a cutie, though.

So yeah, but I'll definitely talk to him.

It's about 60% baby talk, 40% normal talk.

And you never lose your temper and take out your day on him.

Tell him, Steve Dave.

Make the blood begin to race

Watch the palace your face

as the beast begins to rise

Conquering across the world

Leads a path great demise.

Taking over with surprise.

Spears and arrows fill the sky

as the earth begins to fly.

Pressing steel to hold the line.

Watching all of your men die.

Hold it tightly,

you cannot lose.

All the world relies on you.

Make a promise

to save us all.

There's only one thing you can do.

Can you see him over there?

Eyes are burning like a flood.

Think of sacrifice for all.

And the world will not survive.

Feed the crying, feet, feet, crying, feet, the crying, feet, feet, the climate, feet, the crying, feet, feet, the crying, feet, the crying, feet, feet, the crying, feet, the cry, feet, feet,

This has been a production of Smodco Internet Radio, sir only at Smodcast.com.