#335: Prince Q

I'm a colonel, you're a fucking Freemason, and he's a fucking idiot.

That would be the worst thing you've ever said.

That made me uncomfortable.

I think that's the first time.

Hey, Edgar, gives a woman said, You might as well have had a gay lover in prison and hanged yourself.

He's like, in regard to what?

I'm like, no context for you, buddy.

Tell him Steve Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave, where you will not hear any dick-sucking music in the background.

Who was that we were just listening to, Walt?

Radiohead.

Radiohead?

Oh, that's not dick-sucking music.

Oh, you dubbed it dick-sucking music.

Well, I think I did like with because of you.

Like, I'm used to

dick sucking.

Or fucking like rock music I'm used to in here.

I come in here, there's like a sensitive boy sort of singing.

Emo shit, right?

Yeah, it was a little emo-ish.

You don't put the NFL

score on when you're getting a blowy?

I don't, but I don't take a blowy.

You're giving.

Because taking that.

You know, you don't, like, that doesn't make you.

The wind is a raider.

I'm not

about muscular dudes like

charging into each other, rolling around.

Maybe it is because I was listening to the new Metallica drawing down, and I'm used to you guys being able to get it.

You're all amped up

here, and I hear, oh,

yeah, we're going to listen to anybody like that.

Put it in my body.

Because I'm a creep, everybody.

Oh, boy.

So, Q,

has anyone ever farted on your head?

Um, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, in the firehouse.

I'm sure one of the guys have just fucking came up behind me and blasted.

Because I think you're in a position now where

it could make the news, right, Walt?

I would think so.

Yeah, after today, yes.

You wouldn't have thought it before today, but Walt and I were talking before you got here.

Yeah.

And evidently

Dancing with the stars, David Ross, he's a former Chicago cub,

was dancing with Lindsay Arnold.

I bet you're going to like her.

That's your type of girl right there.

Whoa, I mean, that's everybody's type of girl.

It's not restricted to me.

Farted in his face.

She farted in his face.

Yeah.

I mean, she could fart in my face if she wanted to.

Would you want her to?

I wouldn't want her to, but if she brought it up, I was like, I want to try something.

She's like, I never tried this before.

I'd be like, I can be that close to your ass.

Yeah, no problem.

Yeah, I mean, it would be an odd request, but like I've always said,

you got to be giving.

I don't think you're on target here.

It wasn't the fact that she did it.

It was the fact that it's actually newsworthy that boggled my mind.

Well, how did this break?

Because

on my phone, I have

this news app.

It's awesome.

Sounds like this news app everyone just discovered ten years ago.

Every time I turn my phone on, there's a top stories.

Yeah.

And one of the top stories was about this dancing with the star.

I mean, it actually said farts on this guy's face.

While they were dancing?

While they were practicing, and it was caught on camera.

But the article written about it

was so long.

Right.

I was like, what more is there to talk about?

The headline says it all.

The headline, dance partner farts in his face.

I mean, the article must have been like,

it must have been, I'm putting probably what, like a yardstick long.

Yeah.

About the incident.

About the incident.

I don't think there's much more to say.

I don't think it's that.

I don't think it's too much.

Did she give a quote?

I think she did.

She did give a quote, Q.

They dissolved into laughter.

After the show, the guy smiled to reporters.

I told her I'll never forget that moment in my entire life.

I'm appreciative of it.

He's a freak.

He's got a fetish.

He added, We're all human.

If you get grossed out about that, you're not being real with yourself.

It made me laugh.

Like, he's overcompensating, right?

He's trying to.

It was so funny, Q, that it shut down.

You think you're funny, right?

You thought you knew funny?

I thought I knew funny.

You thought you knew funny?

It shut down rehearsal for the entire day because they were laughing so hard and they decided to go home.

She's 23.

I spend more time with this guy than I do my own husband, and I'm sure he can say the same, said his dance partner.

Is she insinuating that he's married to a guy?

No, I'm insinuating that he spends more time with her while rehearsing for this contest than with his own wife.

You know, they're both of their

spouses are

being

They say that happens a lot, right?

Like you start with your dance partner and I sing you know.

Not on Dancing with the Stars.

I don't think there's been any

marriage breakups due to dancing with the stars.

It's been on for like fucking 20 seasons.

You think not one?

I guarantee fucking something happened.

We're always together.

We're working hard, which naturally makes you build a connection.

And when you fart in somebody's face, it automatically makes you best friends.

It doesn't say that.

I swear to God, that is her quote.

Now, who do you want to be best friends with, Q?

Because evidently, this is all you got to do.

I'm good.

You just walk up, they're unsuspecting.

Look, just a kissing bandit, the farting.

Yeah, they just fart in their face, and you're going to be best friends.

But if you went to college

and you wanted to become a journalist,

would you be

excited to write this article, or would you be mortified that you had to write this article?

I'd just be like, I mean, this is a person.

Cub reporter Brian Quinn on the scene just collecting somebody farted.

I mean, Brielle, what do you think the writer who was like, okay, I have,

not only do I have a chance to break a big story, apparently, but I'm going to also make it so long

that it's almost like the first thousand words.

It's almost the first chapter of a book.

And do you think that they were like

excited about this opportunity or were they like, I can't believe this is what it's come to.

I I went to school to

break stories, to be a journalist, and this is what I'm writing about.

Somewhere there's like a person on the scene in Syria, like covering refugees, or maybe they're like, hey, man, I'm going into North Korea, and I'm going to fucking, I don't care, like, I'm going to investigate.

And this lady's like, somebody farted on me.

Some nameless dancer farts in some nameless former baseball player's face.

Right.

And

I have to write a fucking essay.

Like, essay length.

I mean, the way they talked about it, they just go on and on.

Like, when asked about how they always have fun together during the grueling show process, he laughed.

She farts on me when in doubt.

I mean, when did fart become acceptable

in the realm of news?

Like, wouldn't it, isn't there more technical?

The second a hot 23-year-old girl farts,

and everyone's like, let's talk about it.

Yeah, like, let's say, like, it's, it's me on Dancing with the Stars.

It's like like me and Kathy Bates dancing together, and she farts in my mouth.

Like, nobody's like, oh, how cute.

Nobody, like, no one.

But, like, oh, what two grotesque animals are farting with each other?

Well, usually, if you're on Dance with the Stars, one of you is a celebrity and one of you is a professional dancer, though.

So, I don't think you would be paired with Kathy Bates.

I mean, I fit neither Bill.

I guess I wouldn't be paired with anyone.

But, like, whatever.

Season 60, they're like, all right, we're going to give you your shot.

But in all honesty, when did it become acceptable for a news organization to use that word in their headline?

Farts and face?

Yeah, because I'm not even sure you're allowed to say it on network TV.

Sure, you are.

Oh, they say shit.

Okay.

They say shit on it.

But what would it be?

It would be funny that I'm like, oh, my God.

But network TV.

Okay.

If they are allowed to say it now, it's only been a recent

happening where they're allowed allowed to say it without any.

The world's run amok, Walt.

Anybody could say anything

disgusting.

Well, because you'd be fart-shaming her, I guess, right?

Yeah, can't do that.

No.

You know, like, you know, and this was not done on live television.

They didn't have to run the footage.

They had to dig this up.

They had to unearth this story.

He also says.

I swear it's more quotes.

I swear.

He goes,

I've dragged her all over the country.

He has three kids.

I've dragged her all over the country, and we're next to each other on planes and flying back and forth with my family.

I feel like I have a fourth child in Lindsay, so I'm going to put her on my taxes this year for sure.

How many quotes do you need from this guy about like they're really overdoing it with how close they are?

It's like she can fart on me anytime, anytime she wants.

Not a lot of quotes from her, though, because she's the one who did it.

Ross said, she's a very open, honest person.

I'm an open, honest person.

We don't have a whole lot to hide.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

He revealed something on purpose, not even accidentally, like, oh, my God.

How do we know it wasn't a queef?

Right?

That's

the follow-up story.

That's the conspiracy.

Was it a fart?

That's the TMZ article.

But I bet you that dude has spoken more at length on that incident than his whole baseball career.

Right.

Nobody cares about it.

Nobody wants to know him.

Like, he could walk in the store, you wouldn't know him.

He's like, hey, I'm the fart guy.

You'd be like, holy shit, I know you.

Yeah.

It helps your career, right?

If you're both of them?

No.

No?

You know what?

I don't think it helps your career, but I do think it helps with the audience.

It makes you more relatable

in a way that they're not grossed out by them, but they are like, oh, that's the, those are the ones like she blamed it on

sci-fi salsa.

It was a science-themed salsa dance,

which thoroughly entertained me.

Oh, I thought you mentioned she had salsa before she, like, salsa salad or something like she had.

Yeah, she's like,

those aren't refried beans.

I literally thought you meant that's the event.

I was like, who the fuck would eat that before dancing?

Especially if you know your face is going to be like you're going to have your buttocks by this guy's face.

Right.

Take some precautions.

I'm hot.

I want to see.

I want to get.

Don't eat like salsa and cabbage.

I want want to cabbage.

A traditional Mexican dish.

Salsa and cabbage.

What is he?

Like a fucking peasant from the 13th century eating cabbage soup?

Boiled cabbage.

Yeah.

I want to get to the point where the media is like sharts in his face.

Like there's a

little bit of brown on his cheek.

And he's like, oh,

just, come on, what's the big deal?

We're very open and honest about this type of thing.

You can only be open and honest if, like you guys have mentioned, that if you are extremely good looking,

if you are anything under a nine,

even maybe even

you can even get away with maybe if you're an eight or a seven, but if you're anywhere, anywhere in the anything under that, like if you're average, do not go around thinking that you're going to get the same kind of accolades

sporting on people.

Like

you're up in the club and you go over to a girl.

You're like,

I just had some salsa and cabbage.

What do you think of that, baby?

Yeah, you're not going to get the same reaction, and the world isn't going to embrace your antics.

Yeah, there's not going to be a fucking telephone book-length article on how fucking cute it was and how awesome you two are.

It really is fucking crazy.

It's crazier that we're spending this much time reading it.

But I said, The world, it's nice to not read something about, like, hey, guess what?

Trump's a dickhead.

It's like, yeah, we know.

Did he fart?

Did somebody fart on him?

Maybe?

Because that would be great.

Sage did something that I was fucking stunned.

I forgot to tell you last week.

It was

where, you know where this is.

Well, I'm going to try to paint the picture.

We're driving, we're going down Highway 35, and it's over by that queue.

You know where it is, too, the Chili's.

Oh, yeah.

Snowman, this isn't what Snowman was.

No, no, no.

This is where we used to go to lunch all the time.

So there's three lanes.

There's a fast lane, a middle lane, which would be the slow lane, then there's like the lane where you turn off.

Now there's all this traffic built up, and in the middle lane, it turns out that there's a car stopped, and there's like, I'm not exaggerating, there were eight police cars there.

I don't know what the fuck this guy did or what he had, but the guy is cuffed.

He has the handcuffs behind him.

He's standing behind his car in the middle lane.

So everyone is slowly going on either side of him.

We would be on his rubbernecking?

Rubbernecking, yeah.

There's nothing to see, but you know, everybody's going real slow.

We're driving in what would be the passing lane, so he's facing everybody, so we would be on his right, and we're going by real slow.

And as we drive by, Sage rolls down the window, and she goes, ha ha.

Oh my gosh, and the guy fucking locked eyes with her.

Dude, I was fucking laughing.

It was fucking amazing.

I was like, why did you do that?

But just to have like not only somebody laugh in your face, probably one of the lowest points in your life, right?

And then you're like, does that kid have doubts in front of me?

What the fuck?

Like, now I'm being mocked by her.

It brightened my day.

Like, the rest of the day, I was like, I was so proud of her.

God, it fucking made me laugh.

That's funny.

What do you do if one day Sage is like,

I mean, obviously,

many years from now, she's like,

I have a boyfriend.

I want to move in with him.

Well, she says that all the time now.

No, but she taunts me

all the time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's this kid, James, in her class that she likes.

She calls him Prince James.

Okay.

And she's like, I'm going to marry Prince James.

She writes love notes repeatedly.

Does he also have...

Yeah, he's like special needs.

I don't know if he has Down syndrome, though, because I've never seen him.

I threaten his life constantly.

her.

I'm like, you wait, I'm going to get him.

She wrote a love note to him and accidentally spilled cranberry juice on it.

You would think I spilled cranberry juice on like the Declaration of Independence.

That's how fucking upset she was.

Yeah, I saw this.

I think I talked about it before.

I saw a documentary called Monica and David, or David and Monica, one of the two.

And it's about these two people with Down syndrome who decide to get married.

I suggest

any quote-unquote normal person who catches shit watch this because this idea that they're always happy and nothing, like it never rains is total bullshit.

This guy was catching so much shit from her.

She was giving him shit.

She was a fucking bridezilla.

I'm not kidding around.

It was unreal.

How much, like, this guy's just taking it and taking it, and she's like yelling at him because this isn't right and that isn't right.

Now, she wasn't like a bitch or anything, but it really went to show, like, doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter.

You are going to catch shit regardless.

No matter who you are, no matter your status.

Nope.

No matter what you're catching shit.

Unless you're single.

If you're single, you're not going to catch shit.

Yeah.

But

I mean, in time, if she's like, I mean, if she can get a job and she can live on her own and get married, sure, why not?

But you would let them move into your place?

They're going to move in with me?

Yeah.

No,

we learn the lessons of our fathers, don't we?

Fuck that shit.

No, I mean, if she was like,

if she wanted to live with me for the rest of her life, it would be totally fine.

Right, but with James, so.

Oh, so like they're banging and shit, you're saying?

No, no, I don't know what, I don't know what to say, but it's like an all-in-a-fame.

Oh, you know how I like it.

I'm like, no, she's like, Priest James, please.

Oh, that's

the worst thing he's ever said.

Oh, no.

See this, bro.

That's the picture.

It made me uncomfortable.

I think that's the first time.

Stefan coding stripped away with one comment.

He's like, you're Archie Bunker, James is meathead, and

Sage is Gloria's little girl.

I'm calling him meathead.

Meathead?

Why are you letting a Jewish house soon?

Sage is Edith.

Prince, James, and Sage are at it again.

Stifle yourself.

Hold on,

is he a Negro?

If not, then why do I care?

Walt's got it.

He's gone.

We lost Walt.

He's in a fetal position.

Like, Prince James, get out of my chair.

I love that.

Just as adopted as Prince James.

You call him that too.

Hey, ding back.

Give me my dinner.

I call him Prince James, too.

Prince Meadhead.

Prince Meathead.

But yeah, I mean, if it was an all-in-the-family type scenario, 100%.

I would go for it.

No, sure.

I mean, if that's like how she has to live and she's like, hey, this is my husband who's equally not able to work or whatever.

Yeah.

Sure, why not?

She's a romantic, too, man.

Yeah.

Ever since she was little, that kid is a fucking romantic.

She only wants to hear songs on the radio that have something to do with love.

All this is Nick sucking music stage.

I don't want to listen to this.

I really don't want it.

I don't think you would, Prince James

listening to this.

Yeah, let's listen to some Metallica or something.

What are you guys doing?

Hey, hey, hey.

Door's open.

Door's open.

Prince meets head knocked out.

That would be a fucking some scenario, man.

Oh, man.

I think you said, Q, I don't know.

He says it like, yeah, sure.

But do you really believe?

I don't think Sage would ever get on his nerves.

No, Prince James might.

Yeah,

I kind of think that, like, he says, like, yeah, sure.

Prince James and Sage could live together in the same house with me.

I don't know if it would be that, like, yeah, whatever.

Yeah, come on in, Prince James.

Whatever.

Especially with her being romantic.

Right.

They're like constantly making out at the dinner table, saloon.

Are there, are there, like, what is,

I mean, this is going to sound wrong to say it, but I don't know, so I have to ask.

But are there, like,

if her and Prince James,

are her and Prince James able to have a kid?

Like, or would you be, would you be responsible to try to not let that happen?

Yeah, like how Giddam like impregnates a horse like with his hand up her ass and shit.

No, no, no.

Responsible for not like making sure that I I don't give them protection, I just constantly burst in at the most inopportune moments

around the clock like a watchdog.

No, I mean, I'm pretty sure there aren't rules against

like two Down syndrome people having a kid.

Because, I mean, if there's not some law that they're not able to make a decision, who championed that law?

Well, I don't know.

But there's nothing like, well, they're not able to.

And I don't know if, like, is it like, look, they're not, whatever their mental age is, you've said in the past, like, they're sort of stuck under the laws of that.

Well, they sort of, yeah, they get to a certain point.

Right.

And like, with Sage right now, she's 11.

She's probably like on the reading level of, say, like, a six-year-old, somewhere in there, six to seven.

She's gotten better at reading.

But, yeah, you're right.

It's like, can she give informed consent?

Because if, like, let's say a person

who doesn't have Downs

had sex with her, even if she's over 18,

he could still get in trouble, I think.

You would think, yeah.

I'm pretty sure.

You're like, well, are the eugenics laws still on the books or what?

And then if they did have a baby, would there be, is the baby automatically have Down syndrome or is there like a shot?

I don't know.

I think, but I mean,

but I'm not saying, I'm not comparing these two things, but I know that like

two small people can have an adult-sized child.

Right.

Right.

Yeah, you've seen it because it's all about recessed genes and whatnot.

Yeah, so I don't know if that has any, I don't know if that's in the same gene pool or not.

I mean, should we

even explore it?

I mean, that would mean that like it's

that is so unlikely and so far, far from now, I would not even entertain it.

Okay, I'm like, okay, so

two people with Down syndrome, fuck, and one becomes pregnant with a baby of Down syndrome.

At least half of all the women with Down syndrome do ovulate and are fertile.

Between 35 and 50% of children born to mothers with Down syndrome are likely to have trisomy 21 or other developmental.

So

it's not guaranteed.

Hmm.

That's interesting.

Do they have any special needs or concerns in regard to birth control?

That's what I would imagine, right?

You put her on birth control.

That's what you would have to do.

I don't want to talk about Sage specifically.

Let's change the subject.

I mean, how many buttons are on your shirt?

You're like down to the navel.

You look like a fucking rock star.

Can I just say one more thing?

That if Sage and Prince James do decide to get down, I really hope that they do it on a Casper mattress.

Casper is a sleep brand that created one perfect mattress sold directly to consumers, eliminating commission-driven inflated prices.

And now Casper has to be happy with

the picture you just planted in everyone's mind.

Oh, yeah.

Very inclusive.

It's hardly out of the box.

It doesn't even have sheets on it yet before Prince James is sowing his seed.

Casper stuff's like

no, I take the mattress.

I give them the cardboard to do it on.

And in-house TMF engineers spend thousands of hours developing the Casper supportive memory foam for sleep service that's got just the right sync and right bounce.

Does your still have a bounce to it, Walt?

Yeah.

That hasn't like caved in or anything

with all your fucking action?

That's why I got foam, baby.

Yeah.

I knew Springs

can't handle my

right.

Those springs are going to be popping through the ceiling.

I've dealt with, you know, since a lifetime of springs told me that, like,

I don't have to worry about the noise of the springs anymore.

I don't have to ever worry about springs

giving me away

while I'm up to it.

Your dirty deeds.

Like, if we be at 2 o'clock in the morning or 2 o'clock in the afternoon, a Casper mattress keeps your secret.

That really should be their fucking campaign.

That is so fucking genius.

I hadn't thought of that.

The spring industry should be driven out of business.

Right.

How many times have you gotten caught, Q,

when you were younger, maybe when you were in your, you know, in a house?

Those springs have sold me out.

Right?

Yeah.

Some ragged mattress with springs popping through and the girls complaining and you're like, shut up.

Like, we're going to be together forever.

Yeah.

We're getting married.

I love you.

Oh, what's this?

Oh, you like Red Your Head?

You like this song?

It's like, yeah, it's hard to suck dick to Metallica.

It's so angry.

Yeah, but I think that would be a great blowjob if fucking

going in time to Metallica.

Bouncing off the walls, fucking springs flying everywhere out of the mattress.

No, no, no.

It's too angry, though, isn't it?

You know, sometimes you're in the mood for that angry fucking thing.

Well, I mean, it's second only to fucking having one, having one given by listening to corn or something.

It would be awful.

I don't think she's got shit out of her.

I'm just talking about the rhythm.

You don't think that that's.

You know, I like a little bit gentler.

Every time, huh?

Yeah, yeah.

There's no need to.

Two o'clock in the morning, two o'clock in the afternoon.

Aggressiveness

has never been something that I've really.

You never wrapped the hair around your hands and fucking forced the issue?

Up again.

You know, but consensually.

Strongly encouraged.

No, consensually.

Oh, yeah, I totally get you.

But no, like, yeah, aggressiveness has never been

something that

I've asked for.

Be more aggressive now.

I've always found that it's easier to be aggressive with like a one-night stand than it is with like someone you're with.

Yeah, yeah, because you got a fucking barrel the next day.

You're going to look them in the eye

eventually.

So it's

eventually.

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Damn, I wish I had known.

Why?

I was in the UK just recently, man.

I would have banged a few birds on a Casper mattress

instead of not at all.

Please use your personal experience with a Casper mattress.

All right, we already did.

All right, that's it.

Casper mattress.

Good job.

Are we going to talk about

this?

Are we live?

Oh,

only briefly.

Yeah, I asked about it.

He looks like a butcher.

Really?

He's got an apron on.

He's been invited into a secret society.

But they're not secret, though.

Certain secrets need to be kept, right?

Yeah.

Not secret, but there's definitely.

But it's not the Illuminati.

He's turned his back on them.

No, no.

Oh, you're in there too?

No.

But not just because I joined another organization doesn't mean I can't be multi-organizational.

That's true.

But

the Freemasons

have come a knocking.

Right.

And I have answered and I have agreed to join.

But I thought you had to, like.

It's called Blue Lightning.

What does that mean?

I like how he's like, I'm not allowed to give anything away.

It goes into detail.

It's a fast track.

Okay.

And anybody can make that decision?

No.

This guy had to fucking.

No,

I had to inquire and

I had to impress the person that's helping me.

Right.

And

it seemed real difficult.

This is the kind of guy with your part in his face, even your best friend.

That's the guy who has not been asked to join.

Well, that's the kind of tone you expect.

I'm a colonel, you're a fucking Freemason, and he is.

You're the sack of shit.

Love of one.

But, I mean, the Masons, like,

I mean,

you know, the best rumor about Jack the Ripper right now is that he was a Freemason and that they covered up for him.

I'm not.

I have 30-some days left, what I have to do.

To be honest, though, a lot of things are, a lot of what they're talking about, a lot of what's going on initially is a lot of fundraising and shit.

And I'm like, this this is not, this doesn't sound fun at all.

Yeah, I like fundraising and

PR and shit.

Yeah, I just want to get out of like tickets and shit.

Yeah, so yeah, like with a secret engine, yeah.

But, but you know, I'm up for it.

I gotta wear it.

I have to wear something for some 30 days, 39 days.

I was most curious about when you got home and you're wearing it.

Are they like, what are you wearing?

I explained to what's going on.

They were just, they didn't even care.

They're like, he's lying.

Yeah, they didn't, yeah.

So you'll be able to get like a license plate with the

compass.

That's what they're doing.

Apparently, there's no door.

All the doors will be open to me.

And not going to be a master, of course.

And at what point shall we start blue lightning other people?

Blue lightning?

Yeah.

That I have not.

I don't know if I will be.

Who's lightning?

Are you inquiring about yourself?

Yeah.

Fuck that.

No.

You already had curls.

What's this about?

You got too many fucking honoraries and all that other kind of shit, man.

But I can't.

Oh, it's a license plate frame.

I'm not supposed to post any pictures online.

I'm not supposed to do any.

I'm not really supposed to talk about the

anything, really.

It's just an ant?

It's not an ant.

No.

I earned this on my own.

This is actually earned.

You know what?

Having to talk to this guy weekly.

Yeah, he earned it.

He fucking earned it for sure.

Fair enough.

All right.

Yeah, there are some licenses.

You're right.

Q.

Freemasonry, Freemason.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And like a little G thing.

George Washington was a Freemason.

What I have to wear goes back before the Golden Fleece.

Really?

Now, did you have to learn the history of the three Jews and stuff like that?

That hasn't been.

I haven't.

That hasn't been.

At least one of them is Sunday Jeff.

No.

No, no, no.

Okay.

It was.

Is that one of the three?

Because then, yeah.

Because I was like, well, I know Sunday Jeff, and maybe Simmy will vouch for me, I told him.

I don't know.

You might be on Simmi's band side with that funeral shit.

I need to get a third, huh?

I'm like,

no, that's not it.

There's like part of Mason law lore where

three, it's always Jews getting the bed, end of the stick, like assassinated one of the early Freemasons, like betrayed him.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's fucked up, man.

So, so they're anti-Semitic?

They are not anymore.

I think they were at a certain point.

And

one of the reasons they think that Jack the Ripper, well, is because that message you wrote on the wall.

What was the message?

The Jews are the ones that will not be blamed for nothing or something like that, like a cryptic message.

Skelter Skelter.

Yeah, but it's a reference to

Masonic lore.

It's an interesting.

Did you hear also about writing it on the wall?

Did you hear about

Fernandez?

The guy who killed him?

Yeah, he fucked him up.

Wait, what happened?

He wrote Illuminati on his forehead.

Who?

Fernandez, the tight end.

Fernandez.

Oh, really?

I don't even know shit about sports when I know the guy's name is Hernandez.

The guy who hung himself?

The guy who hung himself.

They're saying now he wrote the Illuminati on his forehead.

Wow, that would explain a lot.

I'm looking at May 2nd here.

They were.

Okay, he's been plagued by allegations of having a gay lover now.

Totally false.

Is this what happens after you die?

People just say shit.

Yeah.

It's like next thing you know, they're like, hey, his niece used to shit on him.

Crap.

But yeah, the Illuminati thing, though, is freaky, right?

It is kind of weird.

I didn't hear that.

Did you find the article?

About the Illuminati?

Yeah.

No, I'm looking at the one about the gay lover.

Yeah, well, that's.

It says

the attorney of Kyle Kennedy told one of Aaron Hernandez's suicide notes had been been left for his client, revealed that it had requested that his client be given the letter.

Kennedy is believed to have been the last person to see Aaron Hernandez alive, though that is not, oh, it was a prison boyfriend, allegedly.

What did you think about this guy hanging himself?

Would you,

were you, did you, did you, were you moved in any way by it?

Oh, wait, yeah, here's Illuminati, but let me ask you that first.

Not at all.

I mean, the guy

has been convicted of murder, so why would I feel any

sense of

sadness?

Not sad, but like

the life he could have had

versus the one he did have is they're so diametrically opposed.

It's fucking insane.

Right.

Instead of being in one of the best places in life possible, you are in the worst place possible.

I mean, it's a cautionary tale, man.

They should be, this guy should be,

his story should be told to all school children.

Maybe leave out the gay lover stuff and the

days you can talk about the gay lover.

Well, there's no problem there.

Well, prison lover?

Yeah, prison boyfriend.

Like, look, sometimes when you go to prison, you're not gay lovers.

I don't think...

Even the Italians say that.

I don't think, though, that like

talk, motherfucker.

I'm talking about...

What you got to do in prison?

If you're in high school, yes, you can talk about that.

But if you're talking to kids younger, like if you're talking to kids in middle school and grammar school, like first, second graders.

I would not talk about the

prison sex.

Prison sex.

What about the Illuminati?

I wouldn't even bring the Illuminati in.

I think that's too I think I think that brings a level of

it makes it almost unrealistic and unreal, and kids won't feel the

power of the story.

By the way, there's a secret society that he was involved in.

Yeah, you might lose some of the impact if you

if you

include the Illuminati angle right it says Aaron Hernandez had allegedly drawn an unfinished pyramid on the wall in blood

and wrote the word Illuminati beneath below it the figure was much like the one that is seen on the back of the US dollar bill

yeah I don't know I mean so I look if he's in the fucking Illuminati and this is where he ended up like nobody was protecting him then right no no I think the Illuminati killed him he's saying

oh because he was going to talk about something

No, I mean, who's to know?

I mean, in his fevered mind, I guess he.

A toxicology reporter shut down the possibility that Hernandez being high at the time he took his life because they were saying that

synthetic marijuana.

Yeah, what is synthetic marijuana?

It's this, it tastes like shit.

It's blamed for teenagers who smoke it a lot or people can't get access to weed.

And some of it, I guess, is tainted.

How can you not get access to it?

I don't know weed.

I don't know.

You walk down Manhattan, the whole fucking city smells like weed now.

It's crazy.

Yeah, I mean, I know some states outlawed it, but it's this shit.

Like, I smoked it once or twice, and

it tastes like garbage.

But what's it made out of anything?

I don't know.

I think it's just like...

What makes it called marijuana, though?

Because I guess

it mimics the

effects of it, yeah.

You feel the effects of the high.

I mean, if I was in Washington Square Park today, it's like a cloud of fucking weed.

It's illegal in New York?

It's decriminalized.

So you can smoke anywhere you want, you know?

The worst you'll get if the cop even gives a shit is a ticket.

It's like speeding.

Oh, wait, so it's not decriminalized then?

It is.

Yeah, speeding is not a criminal act.

It's a misdemeanor rather than like, you know, it's like jaywalking or

like you're not allowed to

have a criminal record if you got busted with weed.

It is whatever.

If the cop even gives a shit, and from what I've seen, most cops don't even give a shit.

Synthetic cannabinoids are a class of chemicals that are different from cannabinoids found in cannabis, but also bind to the receptors.

They're marketed as designer drugs.

What was that shit?

Bath salts people used to.

That was big for a while.

There are several psychoactive artificial cannabinoid families.

I guess they spray it with plant matter with shit.

It's like some kind of synthetic chemical that they made, and then you can smoke it.

And it's sort of...

Or just legalize the fucking shit so people don't go around and do this.

Yeah, remember a couple months ago there was an article about like a bunch of people in Brooklyn that were like walking around like zombies from smoking this shit, but I have a feeling that it's probably something different than this.

Yeah.

Right?

So, yeah,

they're capable of causing clinical intoxication and death.

Many compounds have been banned in the U.S.

I had a dream the other night that I was smoking meth with Pam and Edgar.

I'm not sure why.

Oh, speaking of which, Pam and Edgar just celebrated their 50th anniversary.

Oh, man.

That is something to

applaud and

recognize and

to

put up on

a mountain and just be like, you know, like it can be done.

Should it be done is the question.

Because when they said it, I was like,

that's a lifetime.

That's a life.

That's a lifetime.

50 fucking years.

50 years with their best friends together forever.

For 50 years.

She was farting on his face.

You might be right.

Yeah, they went down.

Are they that close?

Are they as close as the nameless baseball player and dancer?

Could she have done that?

Would the reaction have been the same?

Would it be like, would Edgar give an interview at length about how, like, that's we're close?

And, you know, it's like if somebody farts in your face, it took 50 years.

I know it just happened.

Finally, we sealed the best friend deal.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I think it was just like he, that guy seems like beaten down at this point.

He's not the Edgar I grew up with.

Yeah.

No, he's just sort of like,

whatever.

There's no fighting the dog.

Nah, just embrace me, sweet thing.

It happens with age.

Yeah.

And do you act?

Do you

point?

I'm going to harder now than ever.

He's weak.

Do you attribute that weakness to the 50 years?

Oh, like she, part of it, probably.

Wow.

Really?

Yeah.

She actually

inspired me recently to start rereading the

Tibetan book of Living and Dying, Q.

Because she's so hung up on

things,

like her things.

These are my good things.

like, like she loves shit so much.

Like,

she was saying, I guess she had this box of Crayola crayons from 1990 with collector's colors, right?

Okay.

Now, it's sitting at the back of a fucking desk drawer.

She was looking for somewhere else.

For 28 years?

Almost 30 years.

Almost 30 years.

It's sitting there.

And they've never been used.

The grandkids never even got to use them, right?

Well, here's the thing.

Here's the thing.

Evidently, at some point during those 30 years, somebody did use them because she like, I guess she went to the drawer and was like, oh, my collector's crayon.

Why is it empty?

A limited edition crayon.

Yes.

And got all fucking upset because they were collector.

It was a collector.

It's like, there's no such thing as a fucking collectible fucking crayon market.

The only reason they say.

They don't make that color anymore.

I know they don't.

But you show me the person who collects crayons, and I show you a person who will collect

anything on earth.

So, for the most likelihood, though, those crayons were used by her grandchildren to have a good time.

She's pissed.

She's pissed off.

Dude, it was like, who cracked open my Faberge?

It was like that level of like, oh my God, my good crayons.

Insane.

What is a box of those crayons go for anybody now?

Okay.

Oh, you looked?

Oh, yeah.

You better fucking believe it.

What did they retail for in 1990?

I think they retailed for like $14.99, somewhere around there.

It's a tin box

that says, like, and they did it for a couple of years.

It was like 90 through 94 until they're like, I guess nobody's buying this shit.

There's one person

who's really like into the collectible crayon market.

And

she,

I guess she put it away, and at some point, somebody used it.

But for almost 30 years,

she was safe.

She didn't even notice.

It would have been used 29 years ago.

She wouldn't have fucking known.

In her mind,

her collectible crayons were safe

and unused.

And as point at.

Christine Mint.

The charade.

If you can fool yourself into thinking like, because she was like, well, you know, they're going to be worth money.

I'm like, toho.

to who?

I went on eBay, $4.99, buy it now.

Nobody's even buying it at $4.99.

So it depreciates.

It's depreciated by fucking almost 70% over the years.

And she can't take a write-off on that.

It's not like stocks.

But I was like, oh, my God.

Like, she just, she's very, she's,

if Edgar dies before her, guaranteed if the show hoarders is still on, she's on it.

Because she buys so much shit that she never uses, puts away.

I need this, I need that.

They went to Cape May for a couple days

for their anniversary, comes back with a whole bag full of shit, just like stuff to like have a lot of things.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, but I was getting texts like over the last couple of weeks.

I thought there may have been a cruise by the

by by all the sons and daughters were going to be given as a gift.

Did that happen?

Well, not yet.

It's still happening.

You may find out about it right now.

We haven't told him yet.

But

my brother, Eric, and I researched it and found the best one for them because you can't let them set it up.

They text me.

No way.

The Impractical Jokers, Cruise?

That's what I was thinking.

I think it's a sweet discount.

They walk right out of the Space Monkey Show.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, shit.

What was I going to say?

Oh, so.

If we let them set it up, like they go to Kate May

and Pam texts me me because you know watching taking care of the dog and the cats and all that

and she's like we're coming home today i'm like you're coming home on your anniversary the day of your anniversary

she's like yeah we're gonna come home and and we're gonna go out and get dinner i'm like why wouldn't you stay one more day the the day of your anniversary

and they're like and she's like oh yeah i guess we should and then they stayed and i'm like how does this not occur to you like how it's it's just weird the way

that she's also like, okay, we'll do it because you said it.

Well, I just don't think, I don't think the idea had fucking occurred to them.

How could it not?

I don't know.

There's a lot of shit that doesn't fucking that doesn't, like, my mother's the kind of person, like, she doesn't think things through, like, even way worse than I do.

And I'll have to tell her, like, yeah, but what about this?

Like, the amount of money she wastes on shit.

And she's like looking through the

bed and breakfast.

She's like, oh, this is a nice room, But for $30 more, you get all this, which is like twice the size of the room and a hot tub and all this other shit.

Do you think it's worth it?

I'm like, yeah.

Yeah, I think so.

You never go anywhere.

On their anniversary, I'm like, why are you so hot to get back?

Was the anniversary ruined by the discovery of the crayons?

No, the crayons, thankfully, that came a few days after they got back.

So they had time to settle in before the bomb was dropped.

The colorful Crayola bomb.

And And the fucked up thing.

Her cousin has a husband who works at the Crayola factory, like works for Crayola.

I guarantee they got fucking pallets of that shit sitting around that she could get for free.

Well, what was the resolution?

What finally calmed her down?

And how'd you talk her?

To the fucking realization that she can't do anything about it.

That she can't do anything about it.

And I told her,

I was like, you know what?

Like, in the 90s, there was a death of Superman issue, right?

And everybody had to get it, and everybody knows the fucking story.

And I said, if you walked in today with that fucking issue, Walt wouldn't even take it for free, I bet.

The death of?

Yes, it's the return of Superman.

The white bag one.

Okay, that's the one?

Yeah.

It doesn't matter.

She knows what the fuck is that?

The analogy about anyway.

The analogy ruined.

Right here in front of everyone, guys.

For her, she thinks I'm fucking.

He's on TV about comics, so you must know.

So you helped her out.

Your little Superman story made her realize that, you know.

No, I don't think so.

Not at all.

all.

I guarantee, like, then the next thing.

She also, she got mad about, like, this fucking exercise ball that her dog attacked.

Like, you know, those balls where you do crunches on them and shit.

It looks like a big

beach ball.

Yeah, they have them in gyms.

They look like big beach balls.

Now, when I tell you that this thing, if the dog hadn't fucking played with it, it was about to turn into dust anyway from lack of use.

It's like half deflated.

It had like a giant stuffed Mickey mouse sitting on it.

And the dog, like, I guess the Mickey Mouse fell off or whatever.

But she has to like get to the bottom of everything.

Like, I told her one time, we were at the mall, and she's like, she's like, I wonder what this guy's.

Like, she's always like wondering what somebody's doing or why something was done, or like, who can I blame for this kind of thing?

And I was like, and it was in that moment I was like, I'm going to write a movie about her called Insecurity Guard.

And it was going to be like her in a mall.

I think I must have told you about this.

And then somebody told me, like, ah, that movie would never sell.

And then fucking Paul Blair came out.

Yeah.

Let's see.

I missed my window

but she's big into that she always know who did this like something always i want to go back to the moment where like somebody blamed her for something and it like stuck in her and became part of like her her fucking dna

that she later on in life she has to be like i need to affix blame and only then Will there be some sort of satisfaction, you know?

Who did this?

Why would somebody do this?

Who put this here?

A lot of times it's like, it's your fucking 11-year-old special needs granddaughter.

Is that cool about you?

And what's Edgar's reaction when she's having a meltdown about the crayons?

Like,

I mean, he can't hear her.

He's checked out.

So he's not going to contact you.

Oh, yeah.

He's totally like, it's like.

There's no way he made 50 years without that superpower.

There's no way he's got to have it.

Just check out a reality.

But is that a superpower?

Or is that a

survival?

Yeah, it's more of like a survival.

My dad did the same thing.

Yeah, I just checked out.

It's just the TV's on as loud as it can go.

I don't, it's like you're exactly that's not a hearing thing, then.

It's just like I can just drown out the drown out my life.

So, are you saying that at a certain point, though, like

I should be looking into the ability to check out?

I don't, I don't, I don't know if I could just be let, like, just check out.

I think you gotta walk your own path, buddy.

Because it's very, it's, it's quite possible you could hit 50 years.

I mean, what do you at?

203 now?

94.

What is it now?

So

2004 was.

So this will be 23 years.

Yeah, so I could double that.

You're halfway home.

I'm halfway there.

Go down to Cape May.

Sure, you can make it, absolutely.

Without checking out?

Only you can answer that question.

Because here's the thing, like,

once the girls are out of the house,

then you're trapped.

No.

And she's trapped.

You can't check out, though, man.

I would feel like that would be like

that would be a weakness.

I would consider that being a weak-minded, like, I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't deal with it.

I would be like fucking Fernandez fucking in jail.

That's to me.

With a prison boyfriend.

Right?

With a drunken radio headplaying and hanging yourself.

Checking out to me is the equivalent of hanging yourself in a prison cell.

Okay.

I don't disagree.

You can tell your dad that.

I don't want to anger him.

Yeah, hey, Edgar, guess what Walt said?

You might as well have had a gay lover in prison and hanged yourself.

He's like, in regard to what?

I'm like, no context for you, buddy.

That's what he said.

That fellows into your dick.

He would just shrug and go back to the television.

Yeah, because that's what checking it for.

Well, I'll leave it now.

I don't want to deal with

How long have you been with Suzanne though?

13 years.

Checked out yet?

Come on.

I don't believe it.

Checking out for you is not like.

It's very hard.

Wait, so you can't include rageful moments?

Yeah.

Checking out is being basically a turnip wearing trousers.

Okay.

That's what checking out, that's what I equate checking out to being.

Like, basically, do they put produce in your clothes?

Just imagine Edgar is a turnip with his trousers on.

Dad?

I love that turnip.

Turnips, my dad.

Turnips, my dad.

Well, if that's my dad, he's not on full checkout.

Look at him.

Has your dad checked out to that?

I mean, now you're talking about like he's fucking catatonic.

Yeah, I don't know about that.

Yeah, he's not that.

He definitely still gets pissed once a week.

It's my dad we're talking about.

Oh, come on.

He's got Johnson blood coursing through those veins.

Yeah, no,

I guess I'm not checked out then.

You are not checked out.

I'm too angry all the time.

Checked out.

Yeah, there's a, I guess we all have our.

Checked out is defeat, right?

Checked out is like, I give up.

It's like you don't react.

Like I said,

you're just wearing some clothes.

Right.

Yeah, I can't not react to some shit.

So it's healthy, then.

Yeah.

It's still vibrant.

It's still

like the first time.

It's still, you know, it's still, the sparks are still there.

Yeah.

They're flying all over.

It looks like one of those metal shops where people are grinding steel and sparks are flying everywhere.

You're pouring gasoline on the walls.

Yeah.

My shelf.

Oh, boy.

The walls are melting.

The neighbors.

Like, is that house on fire?

They got a little girl.

If you're into collecting stuff like Pam is,

oh boy, do I got something for you.

It's a loot crate wall.

Did you ever hear of this?

I have heard of this.

I'm holding my loot crate shit right now.

You got some loot crate stuff, Kim?

You got some pencils.

That's pretty sweet.

I like Luke Crate, man.

Are you the envy of your friends?

Yeah.

Are people like, where'd you get those pencils, man?

Yeah.

They're like, dude, what's up with those pencils?

Fuck's that black box that shows up on your doorstep once a month.

We're curious about that.

Right.

Tell us about it.

You got some sweet fucking figures.

I got a Luke Crate right here.

Look at this.

I got a t-shirt.

I don't know what that is, but it's a t-shirt.

It's a Luke Crate explicit.

It's a t-shirt of Primal Rage.

Yeah, what's up?

Video game.

But they had a Great Stranger thing.

Pretty good-looking gorilla.

Look at this shit.

They got a Jessica Jones as seen on Netflix.

Was that a QM figure?

A Q-Fig?

Q-Fig.

What's a Q-Fig?

Is that like a

pops?

Like, rip-off type thing?

Yeah, I guess so.

Right.

And here's a fucking metal one.

That's Wolverine

in metal.

Sweet.

A loot crate exclusive, I say.

Everything's a loot crate exclusive that's in the box.

Oh, they are?

Like this Lego Dimensions game.

Here's an exclusive fucking cyborg figure.

Sweet.

Yeah, this shit's good, man.

All the kind of shit I'm just talking about, you don't need.

You know, maybe.

I've never understood the Lego phenomenon.

But I get there's a Zen kind of fucking thing, and I don't partake in it myself.

He's a Tetris magnet.

I mean, it's like

play school fucking figures.

It should not excite fucking grown men.

Here's the thing I'm told by people who do it.

It's like, tell us amuse.

I never said, like, he had a full raging boner with two fucking bags full of fucking Legos shit.

It's like a meditation thing, I'm told.

Like, you just shut your mind off and

check out.

I am a little worried about it, I would be a little concerned if, like,

if I had a neighbor who was into Legos, I'd be like, check the registry, the criminal registry, and make sure he's not one of those kinds of guys.

Check the eugenics registry.

I will say this.

Normally, I would agree with you, but my buddy Justin, right, Rick and Morty guy, Justin Rickmorty, he has a garage that he converted into his office.

And when you go into that office, it's a narrow path through Lego things he's built.

It's like the warehouse of the end of the Raiders.

And he's a genius.

And he's a fucking genius.

So if it's good enough for him.

Oh, my God.

Like, not get him Steve Dave genius.

No, no,

he's a legit creative genius.

Oh, creative genius.

Right.

Not a non-stop curing cancer.

Different types.

Neither is Giddam.

Yeah.

Giddam is a genius in his own way, though.

He is.

No, I mean, not in a way that contributes to society, but yet.

Yeah.

He's still, you know, he's still young.

He can invent shit.

Rick and Morty's next level, so it really is fucking like next level.

Like the pilot, I was like, what the fuck?

It's the only thing on its level.

There's not a TV show.

I'm not even sure there ever will be a TV show as fucking good as that show.

It's really astounding

how fucking good it is.

I'll bet you Justin gets fucking Luke Crate.

He must, right?

They should send him some if he doesn't.

Yeah, Luke Crate, what the hell?

Guy's a genius.

In May's Luke Crate, you'll find items from Guardian of the Galaxy 2.

You excited about that, Q?

I can't wait.

Really?

Going Thursday night?

Oh, yeah, midnight?

There's like a seven o'clock show.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I can't go midnight.

Okay.

I just want to be in bed.

What's your normal bedtime usually?

My normal bedtime these days is around one.

Around one.

About one.

You're not a little bit concerned about the trailers for it?

Trailers look like the first movie all over again.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Like, nothing different didn't look like that.

But I like the first one.

I did, too.

I did, too.

But I'm hoping

there's a little bit, you know, something else to see there.

There's more Rooker in this one.

There's more Rooker I heard, and I heard that the bad, like the girl, the bald one.

Oh,

I heard that she's almost one of the team in this, and I love that sort of switching.

Oh, yeah.

I always like that when they do that with bad guys, where they kind of become like

part of Terminator 2.

Terminator 2.

I'm even, I mean, the Mole Common Source, but Dr.

Doom is Iron Man right now.

I'm fucking digging.

Yeah, you like that?

I do.

I like it a lot.

I do.

All right, so you're going to get that, Q.

What?

The Guardians of the Galaxy shows you.

Yeah, it's completely crazy.

Star Wars, Destiny, Goonies.

You must like Goonies.

I like the Goonies.

One lucky subscriber.

I wonder how many subscribers there are.

One's not very good chances, right?

We'll also win a mega crate, including a premium format Groot figure from Sideshow Collectibles that is over 22.5 inches tall.

We have them at the store.

You sell them here?

We got the big 22-inch Groot figure.

How much does it go for?

60.

All right.

It's pretty sweet fucking.

It's a target exclusive, I thought.

It must be a Lucrate exclusive, though, too.

I guess.

You know who's started doing work?

How many places can have it before it's like, we got to stop calling it exclusive?

The Kacharik brothers have started working with Sideshow.

That's fucking amazing because those guys they do the best sculpts in the business.

And now you, what the attention to detail that Sideshow does

are those hot toys, or is that a different colour?

Yeah, they're linked with them.

You have until the 19th of May at 9 p.m.

Pacific to subscribe and receive that month's crate.

When the cutoff happens, that it is over.

So go to lukecrate.com/slash T-E-S-D and enter the code T-E-S-D to to save 10% off any new subscription.

Oh, I know what I wanted to ask you guys.

Walt, you're very accommodating to young Alicia when it comes to concerts and such.

You've gotten car services.

Tried.

You've gone to shows that got canceled.

Yes.

Oh, I didn't go.

They got canceled.

Got canceled.

In advance?

You got the tickets.

You get your money back?

I think that I possibly, but it was like they were like $5 tickets.

So it was just me and her, it was like $10.

How hard was I going to battle for that $10 back?

Let's say you spent anywhere from $4,000 to $100,000 a person.

Have you heard of this?

The Fry Festival?

No.

You didn't hear about this?

Did you hear about this, Q?

It's just like it got all fucked up.

This is the Ja Rule.

I heard somebody talking about it.

I don't read the news anymore, so I don't know what's going on yeah i this caught my eye because i i i can't i can't tell if i if i think it's funny or it's horrible that this happened because it's a bunch of like young like hipster types who are into these bands that i've never heard of like well give me some names some band names

let's see well i know you're gonna know the one band that uh

that

canceled right before the the festival and that's blink 182.

oh shit I didn't think anybody cared about Blink 182 anymore,

but they do, evidently.

So, so

they have this festival.

They set it up.

I saw the commercial for it, like the on

YouTube.

It's basically like super hot girls on jet skis riding around, and it's like the ultimate in entertainment, the ultimate in luxury.

And it's supposed to, like, you're going down to this.

What they said was Pablo Escobar's private island, and there were going to be all these these

all these

like

huts and shit set up

so like

not huts but you know like

I don't know like built they built like these little houses and shit right

and

gourmet food with with all kinds of stuff

and

what happened this is what I heard about the food is what I heard about yeah like they got cheese sandwiches in like these styrofoam boxes There wasn't enough water.

I guess most of the bands that were supposed to be there weren't there.

I'm looking, it's saying it was

a hundred million dollar suit against the

guys who set it up because Ja Rule and tech entrepreneur Billy McFarland.

Who's Ja Rule?

He's a rapper.

What's his famous song?

Do you know Q?

Does he have a father that's famous too?

Dad Rule.

Ja Rule?

Is that not like

Fresh Prince's son?

No.

Oh, no.

No.

That's Jaden Smith.

Different kid, yeah, different guy.

He's saying it wasn't a scam, but evidently when they got there,

it was not at all like they said it was going to be, Walt.

There were no, they were, they had tents set up that were left over from like, you know, like set up refugee camps and shit.

That's what they had.

There wasn't enough water.

There wasn't enough food.

None of the bands were there.

What's that?

How much did people pay?

Anywhere from $4,000 to $100,000 a person.

$100,000 a person.

I guess for that, you're like partying with Ja Rule on his fucking

yacht.

Ja Rule has a yacht?

I guess so.

I mean,

this is the way it looks.

Crumbles in the Bahamas, okay?

So it descended into chaos.

I guess he was going to be one of the guys that was singing.

Performances by G-O-O-D with periods after.

Oh, good music, Major Laser, Migos, and more.

Promoted by Instagram influencers such as Kendall Jenner, Bella Hadid, and Emily Radajowski.

Oh, she's good looking.

That's the one who was

in charge of a festival.

Dancing around through Tits Out in that Robin Thick video.

Sure.

Very good-looking lady.

But like one of those people where it's like, like, I'm sorry, why is she famous again?

Because she had a tits out in a fucking video.

I guess so.

What are you talking about?

Weekend ticket packages starting around $1,200 and topping six figures with extras.

It was supposed to compete in an increasingly elaborate landscape of boutique music festivals.

I guess they're trying to be like Coachella or something.

And they said the promised amenities

were instead dirt fields, soggy tents, and folding chairs.

None of the A-listers showed up, and it was the talk conspiracy, Walt.

You can check in with with your Freemasons about this, that the A-listers, such as that Jenner girl and the other ones, were told ahead of time, don't come, because it's totally fucked.

They got Sid, sandwiches.

I don't think I would need the help of the Freemasons to

I wouldn't, I wouldn't even constitute that as a conspiracy.

No?

No.

That's just a heads-up.

That's assholes that don't matter.

That's most likely.

That's probably exactly what happened.

There's a conspiracy in that.

No, that

they let the people keep coming to the festival knowing it was going to happen.

Instead of just issuing a statement being like, look, we are fucking definitely not ready for this shit.

So we're going to postpone it for six months or whatever.

But there's no conspiracy.

They fucked up.

But by telling the A-listers not to come.

That's probably

like it's...

Probably by people inside the organization.

A few of them probably did probably tell the A-listers.

Or the managers or some shit were like, you can't go to this.

Nothing that was promised was delivered.

The deluxe lodge package, for which they had paid $3,500, four king-size beds, and a chic living room lounge.

They had a tent.

Some tents had beds, but some were unfurnished.

Festival employees were telling people to grab a tent.

Attendees started running.

People were stealing beds out of tents.

It was just chaos.

The tents didn't have any locks.

The beds were damp.

The blankets were soaked from a storm the night before.

This sort of shit does not happen on the Impractical Joker's Cruise.

Let me tell you something.

Nothing but professionalism on the Impractical Joker's Cruise.

No cheese sandwiches.

No cheese sandwiches.

Full 24-hour buffet on that Impractical Joker's Cruise.

Hey, when 92% sold out.

So if you want to come, you got to get those tickets quick.

That's what I'm saying.

This isn't going to be like the Fry Festival.

This is not.

This is going to be fucking the surprise is in store

with food, beds, linen.

You're not going to have to steal beds from other rooms.

No.

And the big acts are sure to be there, right?

Well, yeah.

But they've already locked down a major talent, from what I understand.

That's right.

Brian Johnson will be there.

There's only.

I was waiting at the port, and they're like, look, it's not for another couple months.

You got to go home.

Yeah.

So far, I think the only acts we've locked in are you and Sean Klush, the Elvis tribute artist,

and David Zucker and us.

But

we know who's coming.

It's going to be great.

Due to circumstances out of their control, the physical infrastructure was not in place on time.

We were unable to fulfill on that vision safely and enjoyably for our guests.

But are they stuck on the island?

What the fuck?

Yeah, they were stuck on the island.

They can't even get off.

It took a little while, but then they got to, I guess they started flying people out of there on planes and shit.

We were working to place everyone on complimentary charters back to Miami today.

Could you imagine the fucking insult to injury if they're like, by the way, you got to pay for the charter?

They're asking for everyone's patience.

I mean, can you imagine?

What, it's still going on?

They're still stuck on this island?

No, I think everybody's off right now.

In an interview, Mr.

McFarlane, that's one of the, that's Ja Rule's partner, the hardest day of my life.

Oh, poor baby.

He and Ja Rule were forced to make an emergency landing in the Bahamas during a flying lesson in a small old plane.

I mean, can you imagine he, like, at all, he would have any complaint as opposed to just, like, laying low and shutting the fuck up.

That was like when that oil thing blew up, the oil rig, and the fucking Valdez.

No, no, the last one that just happened.

The British PP

and the guy was like, the president of British BP was like, You think I don't want to get back to my life?

Yeah, and they were like, What are you doing?

That's the thing to say, dude.

Don't say that.

Ja Rule, I guess he's getting sued.

Jaden Smith is getting sued.

Everybody's getting sued.

Jaden Smith?

No, I'm just kidding.

There was something.

Ja Rule had a great quote, though.

He was like, what the fuck is Ja Rule?

I didn't realize Ja Rule was.

I thought, wasn't he like an actor for a while?

Let me look him up.

Whoa.

What?

Hold on a second.

Ja Rule responds to gay rumors.

Did he leave his wife for a prison cellmate?

I can't believe this.

This is from when?

Oh, this is from 2013.

Is that just on your filter on your, like, for any gay sex rumors?

Yeah, that's the app I have.

Like, prisonboyfriend.com.

It just seems like that just.

No, that was just a link here.

It just seems that's the only news that your tablet will show you.

Yeah.

There's the cheese sandwich that you would have to eat.

Oh my god, that is disgusting.

It's all like melty with like shitty fucking lettuce all over.

You know, John Ruhl was not involved in any of this shit, and he's like, what the fuck?

I want to look up John Ruhl's quote because it was pretty.

I don't want to get it wrong.

It was, let's see.

Oh, Trader does these Christian movies.

That's right.

Does he?

Yeah, he's a born-again type thing.

That's right.

That's what I remember.

He started doing like Christian movies.

Was he one of those rappers that was very unchristian before?

I believe so.

Like a two-life crew?

Like, like, like.

Yeah, he's a criminal.

He's punching people, shooting people.

He's got prison boyfriends, allegedly.

And now he's doing Christian movies.

He was driving with suspended license, possessing marijuana.

Well,

he's arrested for gun possession.

Look, the God, you know, forgives, bro.

That's the whole point of that.

Yeah, yeah.

But I'm just saying, um, oh, here's here's what it was supposed to be: a bunch of skinny white girls in bikinis running around.

All right, those are the things that they're doing.

Not cheese sandwiches and bed stealing.

I'll bet you those are casper mattresses they were trying to steal.

Fuck you.

In July 2011,

Ja Rule received an additional 28-month prison sentence for tax evasion for failing to pay taxes on more than $3 million.

The government wanted their 1.5, well,

you know, and they deserve it.

They deserve it.

They do.

They worked hard for it.

Sure.

They fucking deserve that.

Joe Rule is heartbroken.

Wow, Ja Rule looks kind of old.

He's 41.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, this must be taken post-fry.

He looks older than 41.

I wish I could find his quote.

He was like, we're going to.

Oh, what the fuck did he say?

It was like, we're going to party like.

we're going to live like rock stars, party like

movie stars, and fuck like porn stars or something like that.

That is not very Christian.

Yeah, that's not at all.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Are you sure that was his quote?

100%.

I'm sure that was his.

And he must not be doing that.

Well, he's trying to sell.

He's trying to sell.

You think John Rule's going to be out there partying with those people?

Yeah, but you can't sell.

You've got to make money.

If you're a Christian, you can't sell.

You can't sell out like that.

You can.

No way.

Of course you can.

Not Not to have any credibility in the

Christian world.

In your Christian movies.

That's between him and God, Walt.

What Christian movies was he in?

I'm in Love with a Church Girl.

Ooh, hello.

Yeah.

Church girl, huh?

I don't think it's like you think.

Oh, really?

He doesn't turn her.

No, I think she turns him.

I think he's like a rapper or something.

Oh, he's like, yo, yo, yo.

I don't believe in God.

And she's like, but he'll touch your heart.

And I was like, all right.

Yeah, that's basically it.

Designer, push-a-T, Lil Yachty.

Lil Yachty was there for Christ's sakes.

Why don't they, you know, they should have booked us to go.

Would you, would you have.

You probably would have gone, right?

Yeah.

If they've been like, we want the Jokers there.

Well, it depends on the money, but yeah, I would have went.

Hmm.

Then what do you do once you're there?

Do you, like, if they're like the night before.

Do I fucking party like a rock star or fuck like a porn star?

And what was the third the other live like a movie star?

No, live like a rock star.

I don't know.

Whatever.

That's what I is.

That's what I do.

So if you found out, right, that the Jokers get 48 hours' notice.

They're like, this fucking Fry Festival is going to be a fucking nightmare.

Yeah.

Don't come.

Do you let other people know, or do you keep it close to the fucking face?

Well, did they pay me in advance?

They didn't pay anybody.

They haven't paid me?

No,

I got to tell people.

You tweet it?

I got to.

Oh, but Ja Rule's like,

come on, man.

I don't think that Ja Rule has the relationship with his fans

that we do over in Practical Jokers.

Right.

Because if it ever came out, the Jokers knew.

I wouldn't do it.

God forbid, one member of the four-color demons went to that fucking island to see the Impractical Jokers play and they got fucked.

I couldn't live with myself.

Right.

They're like, I'm turning in my number and patch.

Yeah, speaking of numbers and patches, man,

we should pimp the website.

Oh, okay.

Or

at all.

Let them know that they can pick up

TSD out of context.

I mean, supposedly people were clamoring for that.

And now they're not clamoring.

I don't see much clamoring.

I don't see much.

I look at the downloads.

I'm like, are you kidding me?

Really?

Are you kidding me?

All I heard was like, when are you going to release that?

Clamor more, people.

Making clay.

It was just like, when are you going to open that up to people who weren't able to back it?

Well, it it has been opened up.

It has been.

It is available on tellmstevedave.com.

Right.

Are you saying we're losing money on this website, Walt?

No, you can't.

I don't think you can lose it.

We got to shut it down for you.

You got to pay.

You got to pay to fucking host it.

Isn't it like $8 a month?

I think we are we already paid for it already, you know.

Well, that's what I'm saying.

We're already

outstanding any outstanding debts hanging over.

What happens when next year comes around?

Well,

we'll talk about next year then.

But yeah, you're right, though.

But we could all they you don't have to buy our our

our digital files on Bandcamp no more.

You could buy them straight through the website.

Bandcamp's going to be upset.

Once a year, Bandcamp took notice.

Yeah, of that fucking Christmas.

That was a nice tradition.

And all I ever heard from Bandcamp was around then.

Where were they in the middle of summer when

they never reached out?

They didn't just reach out and be like, hey, how you doing?

Send you a Fourth of July card.

Q, you're a fantasy sports fan.

Did you hear the news?

Yeah, what's the news?

Is this about FanDuel?

FanDuel just launched fantasy golf.

If you love golf, I love fantasy golf and love winning cash prizes.

Yes.

Playing on FanDuel, then you've got to try fantasy golf because it's easy.

Pick eight golfers for your team, stand at the salary cap and

golf a couple times a year.

I came so fucking.

No, the answer is no, but I came so close to.

I already have one of the clips for this weekend.

It's like, I came

at the two years ago, the Derek Jeter charity, that you could win a car if you got a hole in one.

I came within three feet of it.

Well, nobody could believe it because I promised the whole girl that if I won, she could have the car.

Really?

Would you have?

I would have.

I would have had to.

Derek Jeter was standing right there watching me.

I mean, I golfed so badly that I was like, I'm not even going to get over the fucking water trap.

And it was like everybody started going berserk because it was a straight shot.

It was a pure accident.

I have no skills, but it was, and it was like it landed, and we saw it bounce and go near the hole.

And everybody was going fucking birdserk.

The guy who sits in the hole to monitor it got up and was like looking at it and stuff like that.

And the girl was like, you know, she thought she got a car, and then I didn't go.

Well, you should have been cool if you were just like, you know what?

I'm just going to pick it up for you anyway, honey.

Yeah.

What kind of car was it?

I don't remember.

This was a couple of years ago.

It was a brand new car, though?

Brand new car.

Yeah,

it was like a truck.

It was like

an escalate or something like that.

It was crazy.

Yeah.

Okay.

It had spinners on it and shit.

Yeah.

You would have looked like the man if you had.

Don't worry about it.

I know I saw that.

You may have not that thrilled.

Remember that, that, that, in that moment where you thought you may have had Hole the One, the feeling of the.

I thought I was going to have to pay taxes on that car for this girl.

Yeah, I remember that feeling because that's what went through my mind.

I was like, oh, motherfucker, that's a 50-grand car.

Yeah.

Well, all right.

Well,

I was so happy when that didn't sink.

Someone not obsessed with taxes would have felt like the excitement and the rush when that ball was heading towards that hole.

Yeah.

You could feel that way if you go on FanDuel and compile a fantasy team of golfers.

Right.

You could get that rush.

You know the rush of waiting fucking five minutes for somebody to put a putt into a fucking hole from like three feet away and everyone's like, whoa, like what it fucking does it?

You could experience that shit.

Yeah.

And get paid.

Awesome.

You can win.

And win, yeah.

That's the best part of it all.

Golf.

You got to really love golf to watch that shit, right?

It's so boring.

We used to put them on the firehouse, like background.

You know what I mean?

Because you can't really focus.

Of course you can't because nothing's happening.

They talk all low and shit while the golfers are like

it's like they're right in their ear.

It's like, aren't they like pretty far away?

I don't know where they are, but they do talk like a

three-wood.

He's got it out.

I wish Adam Sandler would make a sequel to Happy Gilmore.

Would you like it that much?

Yeah.

Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison were like two

major films for me when I was a kid.

Oh, okay.

That's your

generation's Caddyshack.

Yes.

Poor bastards.

No.

No, I love Caddyshack.

I love Caddyshack, but Happy Gilmore was like the fucking man.

It was the best.

It was the best.

Is that the one where it's like...

Have a nice glass of shut the hell up.

Stiller.

Was Spencer Stiller in that one?

Yeah, where he's told him his grandma.

That's the moment moment I remember that I did think was funny.

The price is right guy.

Bob Barker, yeah.

Now you that the smile across the bag.

I love it, man.

That's so funny, that shit.

That, that

angers me.

What?

That angers me that you would think that's funny.

Why?

It's so stupid.

It lowers your opinion of it.

It's so funny.

Why is that terrible?

I remember watching that and being like, this is so stupid.

This is so.

Why is that stupid?

He's beating up an old man.

That's hysterical.

And then he turns around and beats beats him up.

I remember the scene.

Yeah.

You don't like it.

Price is wrong, bitch.

Yeah, that is just not my.

Picture dogs and cats neutered in spade.

It's just not my cup of tea.

That level of humor doesn't do it for me.

I expect more from

like knowing.

I would have thought more of you than

that

you wouldn't have.

Which means you now think less of him.

I don't give a shit.

I love it.

Abby Gilmore came out.

Got to be 90.

96.

Oh.

96.

All right.

So I was 19 years old, 19, 20 years old, but I still watch it and love it.

Yeah.

I realize that you,

there's a whole bunch of guys out there that love it like you.

Yeah.

Most of them have Prince before their name.

Oh, man.

Prince Q.

You're telling me you don't like Billy Madison?

Billy Madison.

I don't know if I saw it.

That's where he goes back to school.

He's got to go to school.

All the grades in two weeks.

I don't know if I saw it.

I really, I got to say, like, I like Adam Sandler and dramatic shit.

Like Punch Drunk Love and stuff.

Yes, I loved him in Punch Drunk Love.

I thought he was awesome in that.

But I saw on Netflix Sandy Wexler.

You don't like Sandy Wexler?

I saw 10 seconds of the trailer, and he's doing that baby voice.

I'm like, I'm out.

Oh, it made me laugh.

I watched it.

It made me laugh.

Yeah, but

you're watching all kinds of weird shit on Netflix.

He's like,

here we go.

Well, let me finish up this FanDuel show.

We'll get into it.

I forgot about this.

I forgot this was the topic.

If you're excited about it.

TV viewing to fucking suck a dick to?

Oh, you better believe it.

No.

I'm using the phrase that you came in and based on my choice of music.

Sorry, loving

accusations.

If you're excited about baseball, cute, I know you are.

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Do you think they'll ever extend it into fantasy Fitbit Walkers?

Because I'm now

starting tomorrow.

I'm at war with one Debbie Flanagan

in terms of steps.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

You guys know what

the app?

Today it was, yeah, she accepted my friend request.

Oh, shit.

Today it was my 1,400 to her 19,000.

Tomorrow, literally, I'm not even kidding her out.

I'm not exaggerating.

So,

but tomorrow, it's a whole new game.

Wow.

Yeah, so if you want to bet, ask FanDuel if you can bet on Fitbit Walkers.

But yeah, this guy is

trying to go for the most woke ever.

I'm not trying.

I'm not trying.

By not only watching.

He's hoping that somebody will hack into his Netflix account and see the library of shows he's watching and maybe post it on the internet for all the world to see how woke he is.

That I would be like, hey, man, what could he do?

But no.

He has to go and post it himself on Twitter.

And

at the show, he's like, hey, everybody.

If you want to be woke, watch

dear white people.

And they're like, oh, cute.

You're so.

I didn't say if you want to be woke.

Here's the thing.

It's a fucking great show.

Did you watch it?

I did watch it now.

It's so good.

It's so well done.

And like, so many people are like, it's racist to white people.

I'm not going to watch it because it's race.

And it's like, it is not that.

And it's getting buried under that.

And I'm like, I don't want that.

Is that what people are saying?

That's what people are saying, yeah.

It's about, it's just like a like basically, it's not this exactly, but it's basically a black

campus house and their experiences in this overwhelmingly white, rich college.

Is it comedy?

It is.

It's very funny.

Yeah.

But it's based around the fact that there was this blackface party, and the whole 10 episodes deals with,

overall deals with the effects of that on the campus and stuff, but it's not that.

It's like

almost like a regular sitcom in a lot of ways where it follows the characters, and each episode follows a different character, and it's kind of written real cleverly because something something you see in the first episode didn't happen until chronologically the end.

So it's got that kind of like thing going on.

And the characters are so fucking good, and the acting is so good that it's just like it's a shame that people are just fucking blowing up on it for no reason.

Is it uh, are people shitting on it because of that?

Like a lot of people, uh, you according to my Twitter, yeah.

Oh, really?

Yeah, maybe like, I'm not watching it because it's racist.

People are like, Yeah, you're my least favorite joker now.

Um, ooh, yeah, yeah, race trader.

I'm telling you, I'm catching shit.

I heard it more than once, man.

People are like, this is racist shit.

This is this is, but it's, it's such a small part of the series and how good it is.

Oh, wait a second.

Katie Hopkins accused of racism.

Oh.

After dear, okay, who is this person?

She's a broadcaster in the UK.

She said, what did she say?

Dear black people, if your lives matter, why do you stab and shoot each other so much?

Legit question from, what was her name?

Katie Hopkins.

Is this somebody on the show?

Is this part of the series?

No, I don't know where this is.

This is

a,

I guess she's.

Oh, okay.

She's a former celebrity Big Brother contestant.

I mean, the U.S., of course, you're going to listen to somebody like that.

Yeah.

It's a good, I think you would like it.

Yeah.

Anybody would like it.

It's a good show, man.

It's very, because somebody was just like, it looks like Whitey Bad.

Like, it's all about how white people are bad and shit like that.

And it's not.

It's not that.

It's not that.

The characters that are followed are way more flawed than fucking anybody else, and like that's what I don't know.

It's not it.

I put it on being like, All right, let me check it out.

And I ended up watching the entire series in a day and a half.

It was good, really.

You liked it that much.

It was fucking, you had to keep watching, it was good.

So, why

am I wrong for seeing something that's good that's getting shit for just existing, and for being like, nah, man, that's this is good, and you should watch this?

Why are you getting shit?

Yeah,

I don't know

oh for me yeah wait did i give you yeah

uh oh because oh because because you're bragging about being woke i have certain

maybe some fucking text will get leaked

boasting about how woke he is i wasn't boasting about it the show

called me woke and i screen capped that tweet and i said that to brian it's not bragging that's presenting facts no speaking of facts uh just real quick um i found out a fact that i may i may and this is we may have to cut this if it goes, if it doesn't sound good, though.

Shockingly,

I found out

something that may be the reason why the Middle East is so fucked up.

Sunbaked?

Is this from the Masons already?

This is from Vietnam told me this.

Oh, I think I know.

Is it about Cooper?

No, it's about Q.

Because I was watching Impractical Jokers, and he was in the middle of

a task, of a challenge, and he turned, and there was a lady, like a Muslim lady, and you wouldn't fuck with her.

Why was that?

Well, what did they tell me to do?

I was dialoguing with official TelemSteve Dave Muslim Wabzi, and

we both demanded an answer.

What did they tell me to do?

I forget what you.

You're supposed to say something.

It's probably about her being a woman than her about being.

I think so.

Let me see.

So I don't want to disrespect no women.

You lost.

Because you wouldn't joke around flirtatiously with a Muslim woman wearing a scarf.

And

you triggered him with your Islamophobia.

Well, what did she look like?

Me too.

She looked like a Muslim lady with a hat.

A pretty Muslim lady or fucking.

I mean, they're all pretty under Allah's eyes.

I mean, what the fuck, woke man?

Well, I could tell you, you could just see her eyes, I thought.

She wasn't in a burqa.

She had like that scarf on.

But

Giddam was talking about.

Remember last week we were talking about how I was going to make that Instagram with Cooper?

Oh, blow up.

And he was going to be

like, he was going to be a terrorist killer.

And

Giddam actually finally saw a picture of my dog, and he made the joke.

He was like,

he goes,

your dog could never

take down a terrorist or something.

He's way too cute.

And I said, well, maybe, and I said to him,

well, maybe he would take down a terrorist in another way.

I said, what if we airdropped French bulldogs

instead of dropping bombs on the Middle East?

I said, why can't we drop French Bulldogs in?

Because I promised you, I said, if one of these terrorists

all of a sudden had a dog in his lap, like a French bulldog, I defy that person to want to kill anybody.

So clearly you haven't seen the footage of ISIS training by fucking, like, they're hanging up live dogs and they're like stabbing them and shit with like swords and stuff.

Good for you.

I have to do it.

Because it is fucking horrific.

Well, then get him informed me because I said.

French bulldog or not.

I said,

smaller target.

There's some pictures of French Bulldogs that are so fucking cute.

I said,

isn't that also why they give dogs to prisoners in jail?

To rehabilitate them, to connect with their human

emotions and to find compassionate feelings and everything.

And I said, we should be doing that, dropping dogs, especially cute dogs, into these hot zones.

Yeah, they're going to fucking eat them.

This is your best idea since midgets are child molesters.

But I didn't realize, though, that

Muslims can't be friends with dogs.

They can't?

Why not?

Like, they can't consider a dog like man's best friend.

I mean, I have Muslim friends that have dogs that

told me that it's they can only treat.

Are you sure you can't even say the word Muslim?

You're like, Muslim,

he's falling asleep over here.

But you're awoke, son.

He's been a long day.

No, not physically.

He sent me screen caps of

things he found online where it says like they can only use dogs

they can only use dogs to

to guard sheep and to like mentor

Christians like they can't be in the house

can't be in the house like dogs can't even be in the house it's unclean they consider the hair unclean and everything and why do you even want to save this region walt well that's what i i got very upset when he showed me all this stuff because i'm like well but then i thought to myself well

maybe that's why

we could trace back, like, why there's maybe a disconnect, maybe, in terms of, like,

feeling the right

compassion and emotions and everything.

Muslims don't like dogs, and not like Christians like Michael Vick do.

Well,

I don't think that Michael Vick was

like a big proponent of Christianity, though.

No.

Can you be a good Muslim and still have a dog?

Let's see.

Why don't you talk to your guy, Wabsy?

I'll have to.

Yeah, let me ask Wabsy.

This is what Giddam writes: you need to grow tomatoes to justify keeping dogs, he says.

Is that like two separate texts mixed together?

Because you say Muslims have to grow tomatoes if they want to have a dog?

He goes, angels,

dog hair is impure.

They are not allowed to have dogs in their homes.

Hmm.

Yeah, he said that it's, here's what I wrote.

I said,

the Frenchies are so adorable.

Maybe America should invest in airdropping Frenchies into the Middle East in these hot zones.

Who could still be a terrorist if you owned a Frenchie?

I say it's impossible.

I don't think it's possible to have hate in your heart.

They kill people because they're gay.

And you think a fucking French bulldog's going to be like, well, fuck the Koran, I guess.

He's so cute.

Like how the Catholics were like, all right, let's fucking lighten up on birth control a little bit.

So drop some radio head out there.

They'll all start sucking each other's dicks.

I was going to say, tell them, Steve Day of that, but I mean, I'm serious, though.

Like, I don't know if that's

the thing that I'm getting from this is you have some weird conversations with Giddam.

What time was this?

It was late.

He hadn't fucking fallen to the gallon of natty ice yet.

He goes, apparently, I go, I go, and I say, don't they use dogs in jails to help prisoners find compassion?

He's texting Giddam this.

And he goes, and he goes, and he just won't answer that.

He goes, apparently they are not allowed to have dogs in their homes.

Dog hair is considered impure.

Angels will not enter a home with a dog in it.

Muslim angels.

And I'm like, what?

Is this true?

It's a great name for a band.

And

I go, Muslims don't keep dogs as pets.

And he writes,

and he sends me all these screen caps.

I could show you all this stuff.

And

according to it is

not,

you just need a dog for hunting, guarding livestock, or guarding

crops.

So, like, they don't connect on a level that we connect with dogs.

I think that's a generalization.

There's got to be some that are just like, I love this fucking dog.

Not like where I don't think where you like

where you it's so cute you just can't stop hugging it.

Right.

I don't think that happens.

What about cats?

Same thing?

I didn't even look into cats.

I mean,

I know you have a special affinity to cats, but

they're cute.

I don't, not like a French ball dog, though.

Not cute.

I think you hit.

I don't know if I agree with you.

I don't think I could change.

You got a kitten?

Yeah, a kitten, but they grow up.

Yeah, but if you've been with that kitten since they're always a kitten in your eyes.

Yeah, you're right.

But I mean, I was stunned by the, and I'm probably, well, Gatum's probably wrong, but he did show me some screen craps, though.

Do you not do you not

think that that could be a possibility?

Like, like centuries and centuries and centuries and centuries.

Oh, I think it's definitely an indication of a fucking bigger oppressive issue.

Like, they don't want them to have any fucking fun, some of these sex where they're like, no, you can't even have a dog?

Like, you can't even love a dog.

I don't know.

And maybe they've never seen French Bulldogs back then because they were in, I guess they obviously from the name, they were in France and not in French.

Well, there's a lot of Muslims in France, though.

Yeah, now.

Right.

I don't think you said that.

They're not taking to their French Bulldog ways.

They're like, no, still no.

Yeah, I don't know.

I think that there's a big difference between someone who's like up on a drug charge

getting to take care of a dog and somebody who's like, I will blow myself up in a crowded market.

These are violent criminals that they will use dogs as a rehabilitation tool

in jails.

And it's shown to work.

I know now why they can't do it, but initially I really thought it was a good idea.

I was just like.

Hot off the wire from Wobsy.

He doesn't have a dog.

And there's bubbles that will say the rest.

I think, though, in prison, it's kind of like, oh my God, something.

Yeah, but

when you're out there, you're like, when you're talking Muslim, you're talking extremist.

You're not talking Muslim.

I said the hot zones.

Right.

So when you're an extremist, you're like, I love the idea that I'm going to go do this for

Allah or whatever.

So a French bulldog, they're like, fuck them.

They see him parachuting from the sky.

They don't give a shit.

Yeah.

General opinion is that

dogs as pets are disliked, but can be kept.

And then there's a long explanation that he sends on, seekershub.org.

What is the Islamic stance on having a dog?

It's pretty long.

It's permitted to have a sheep dog, a hunting dog, or similar.

But I don't think

you're going to know where you're going to buy that dog a birthday cake or you're going to

fucking first world fucking America no no you're not getting fucking like loot crate pet bullshit in fucking wherever and that's why I think we're I think that is one of the major reasons I don't I mean I don't know for sure but I think you could trace back going way back when

that

if they were allowed to love a dog the way we love a dog

there might not be this kind of like hatred and

yeah because Christians never fucking did anything fucked up to people

You want to compare fucking apples and oranges.

Is there apples and oranges?

Are we worried about Christians right now?

Yes.

In the way that they fucking go after abortion clinics, they go after fucking women's rights.

Christians do a lot of fucked up shit still.

It's not, they don't go and do it so publicly a lot of times.

But the Christian right,

the Christian right is sort of against a lot of things.

So what nations are we trying to keep out?

What Christian nations are we trying to keep out of America?

Well, none because America is a predominantly Christian country.

Look, I don't like any religions.

I wish a dog could solve all the world's problems.

That would be cool, especially French bulldogs.

But now

you've got to have puppy mills going 24-7, right?

Because that's a lot of people to supply with dogs.

Yeah.

And not all of them are going to take care of those dogs.

Some of them are just going to cook them and eat them.

I think that's awful.

I don't think that's, to me, maybe the worst thing that that was said about this.

I don't think they'd eat them.

In China, they have fucking festivals with.

You can't even read about it.

It's animal, but they're known for eating dogs.

Yeah, but it's a Muslim.

But if you're in the middle of the desert and your town's fucking rubble and you got nothing to eat, and here comes a fucking dog.

You don't think there's any animals rolling around?

They'll just eat any animal that fucking walks by?

I mean, fucking a delicious plump Frenchie walks by.

He literally lands in your arms in a parachute.

You're like, holy shit.

Like, I just ate a rock.

Are you kidding me?

You actually think that that, like...

I think anybody who is starving and didn't have access to food or water.

I'm talking about Al-Qaeda.

Talking about Al-Qaeda.

But how are you going to...

So instead of dropping the mother-of-all bombs, you fucking send a fucking French bulldog bomb in there?

It's not a bomb.

It's like you just send a couple in and just.

But how bad would you feel if they started using these dogs for Togger practice?

Yeah.

I just don't think it would be.

Catapulting them.

I just don't think it would.

But he said it happened.

Those were probably, like they said, they're hunting dogs that were probably too old.

They probably were like they probably, but I don't think they ate them.

I think that's that's

people eat dogs all the time.

You're saying that Q is insulting.

Fucking Dave from Monster Magnet said he had dog soup.

If he's fucking eating

regions where it is it is acceptable to eat dogs.

They're talking about hot zones.

The hot zone.

They're not above eating dogs.

I'm telling you.

They're not above fucking killing anybody in sight, including...

That's the thing.

Everybody in America is so fucking worried about, like, oh my God, don't let Muslims in the country.

They're going to fucking blow us up.

If you look at Muslim on Muslim fucking violence in these Middle Eastern countries, it is fucking staggering how fucked up it is.

Muslims should be like moderate to like non-moderate.

Muslims should be way more scared of extremists than anybody in fucking America.

Like daily, motherfuckers are getting blown up or shot or whatever.

But like,

is it common practice in the Middle East for them to dine on dogs?

I say that I've never heard that.

I didn't say it was, but I'm not.

But like, I'm talking about these camps.

I don't think that they're like living, like, eating rocks, though.

You send it into these camps where you got your 19-year-olds, your 20-year-olds, these guys who are

super pliable.

Their brains are like

clay, and they're being molded by these older guys who have all this hatred in their heart.

Sure.

Send it in maybe also with a video because they love the video.

They love the internet.

Yeah, then they're going to fucking send a video of them beheading a fucking French bulldog.

They're doing it to a journalist.

On the video,

it's just people connecting with dogs

and loving them.

Oh, so you're like, here's how to fucking take care of your new French bulldog.

Yeah.

Not Kate Carr, but here's how, I mean, if I'm telling you, if you can turn, you can turn hardened criminals in prison, you can turn them with the use of a dog.

Why is it so crazy to think you couldn't do it in all parts of the world?

Because I think when you're talking about extremists, they have a fucking philosophy of like, I am taking down the infidel.

Not, I'm locked in a fucking box for the rest of my life.

I have no chance of getting out.

You're going to give me a fucking dog?

Cool.

Like, it's something.

It's not somebody, but it's something.

They are basically in a box, or they're about to be put in a pine box if they're going to continue on with their ways, though.

But they don't give a fuck because they think they're getting rewarded once they get to heaven.

Or whatever the

do they call it heaven, Muslim heaven?

No, I guess.

Like, that's the thing.

They think they're getting a reward.

Look,

I like you, I fear for the fucking French bulldog who's like, so wait a second.

Yeah, that's my concern.

I'm being parachuted into where?

Hot zone, you say?

I would, I would be, I think, you know, okay,

we do, if you, if we get proof that they murdered all the dogs, we, we, we we all of them?

We have one Frenchie thousands.

All right, we get, we and we and we show, and if they want if they want to use it as propaganda,

anybody, even these extreme lefties, will be like, it's they have videos of them burning humans alive in cages, right?

That's not an option.

And it's not, obviously, you know, it's not, right?

The lefties still don't want to

take elections.

But if you, even the lefties,

see, see them burning French bulldogs.

The alt-left.

If they see that, I think that they would definitely,

I think even the most like

hardened like

supporter and like defender of human rights would be like,

we got to

turn up the glass.

They got to go.

Turn it to glass.

Tell them, Steve Dave.

Rarely does this happen, but we have a PS to tell them, Steve Dave, Dave today.

And if you're going to follow an Instagram account, look at some of the pictures on those.

Those are just some of the things I'm talking about, though.

I tell you, man, you get like in on Antonimo.

Didn't they shut that down?

Not yet.

Still in the middle of the street.

I just don't think it'll work with like.

They're human beings when you get right down to it.

I don't know.

But dogs?

Or the.

Oh, the extremists?

The extremist.

I I don't know.

I wouldn't consider them human.

There is always hope where

there's always.

I don't agree with that.

It's fucking crazy.

They fucking abused, they stone women to death for getting raped.

You think a French dog is going to fucking?

A French ball dog with socks.

Dude, I'm with you.

It's adorable.

I say, there's no way.

There's no way.

There's no way.

You put that in the region and like.

No, what they do is they take those socks off and stuff them down some woman's throat so she can't talk.

Oh, you guys.

These guys are fucked, man.

You guys are just as extreme, though.

You're not rational.

We're not the problem.

You're talking about them eating them and.

You don't care about the snowing.

They fucking regularly behead people on video.

Right.

I'm not talking about those people who do that.

Yeah, I'm talking about the young kids

that are still...

Oh, the ones who are being indoctrinated.

Yeah, maybe get them now.

So they have to sneak these pets past their

imam or something.

Or just send in or digital pictures or something.

Just bombard the place, just blanket it with pictures.

Like carpet bomb with SD cards.

Pictures of French bulldogs.

Or just cute things.

Just things that are adorable.

Just like funny kitten videos and shit, like anything from YouTube.

I would have thought like you just fucking cats falling off of couches and

a kitten fighting a moth

come on how could you have room for hate in your heart when there's fucking kittens peddling a moth or you see like a deer a deer take on a little kitten and raise it because the kitten's mother's yeah yeah you see that man i i'm just telling you man that's the stuff like i think our government is not looking into the psychological aspect of dealing with this problem.

And I believe it's in animal videos.

I think they should drop some fucking radio head CDs and drop

what they're talking about.

But anyway, we're talking about Instagram.

You have an Instagram account, right, Q?

Yeah, we have one.

Tell them Ants.

Yeah, you should follow that.

But even more important than that, you should follow

the easiest fucking name in the world:

Lee Lee's Frenchie.

L-E-E-L-E-E-S

Frenchie.

F-R-E-N-C-H-I-E.

And this is

hero dog Cooper who once sniffed out his housemate in a, what really was a bunker, much like Saddam Hussein's bunker.

And here he is doing it again.

He looks like he's about to take a shit on Saddam's head.

I felt that would be crossing the line.

Yeah.

If he actually should.

Did he mean that?

No, my daughter made that.

Your daughter made that?

Yeah.

Is she happy with the number of...

She's not happy.

She thought there'd be more followers?

More likes?

Yeah, I don't know.

Well, you only got 21 followers so far.

Yeah, that's pretty paltry.

Oh, there's only one picture.

I mean.

Yeah, that's the thing.

You got to keep people interested.

You got to put Cooper in a bikini or something.

Yeah, but you've got to teach her a lesson, man.

Consistency.

Work hard.

I'm dealing with today's youth queue.

Look at fucking Wobsy's following.

And he's not even allowed to fucking have a dog, and he likes it.

He does?

Yeah, I fucking, I bet he

find out at the mosque or whatever.

It's working already then.

Is that true?

Yes, you've converted Wabsy into a fucking French bulldog lover.

We've already got an extremist.

Yes, Wabsy, the extremist.

He's like, you know, I was just about to walk into a crowded cafe with a bomb strap to myself, and then I saw a French bulldog fucking playing with a kitten, and they were both attacking a moth

and suddenly

no, Bobsy's

not that guy.

What's the Instagram account again?

I'll follow it.

Yeah, so far.

Lily Frenchie.

Leely's Frenchie.

Who's Lee?

Lee Shit's nickname.

Oh, Lee?

So what is it?

L-E-E?

L-E-E.

L-E-E-S.

Then Frenchie.

R-F-R-E-N-C-H.

All right.

I'm following.

You got to like it.

Make sure.

And I'm liking.

I'm only going to do most of the time.

How could she be unhappy with the number of likes?

She has 21 followers.

20 people liked it.

That's a pretty high success rate.

I told her that there was

20,000

people would like it.

And it was a big,

it was a big,

what's it called?

She tried to get emancipated after she found out you didn't have the fake.

Fake on my face.

Really?

Yeah.

Don't do that to Walt, man.

You can't do that to Walt.

He looks like a real douche in front of his kid right now.

But we're not also like that.

I

tweet that

she doesn't want to do

any more pictures like that, though.

She just wants to take cute pictures.

Oh, nobody's going to want to see that.

She's not interested in doing that level.

That was just to get us started, to get the people hooked.

Oh, yeah.

She was drawing the 20 people and then you're going to fucking switch it up.

From this point on, though, she's just doing cute pictures.

That's it, huh?

Yeah.

All right, I'm in.

All right.

I'm following.

Oh, Kevin has a picture.

Oh, that's why everybody's rushing to Kevin Smith's fucking French.

Is that a French bulldog?

Kevin has a French bulldog?

Maybe.

It looks like a bulldog on a great dame.

It is.

Fuck, dude.

You sunder

water.

He heard about Alicia's account and he's like, fuck that.

I mean, that's what that's the power of the French snooch to the douche.

You're drinking diet, Coke, but you never drank it before.

You're shoving after eights underneath the door.

I'm not saying it's wrong,

I'm not saying it's tight.

No, no, no, no, no.

But there's a thousand other things I'd rather do to you tonight

because I want to shift your sister.

I want to shift your sister.

I want to shift your sister.

You're almost as sound as you were back in verse number one.

And I'm not having, I'm not having any fun.

I'm not saying it wrong.

I'm not saying it's tight.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

But there's a thousand other things I'd rather eat than chicken tonight.

Because I want Sent your sister.

I want Set your sister.

I want Set your sister.

She wouldn't shift me, so I called her a slut.

I'm really sorry.

I can't wait for all.

I've got a problem at all, and everyone's a death.

It wasn't worth going out tonight, going out tonight, going out tonight.

It wasn't worth going out tonight, going out tonight, going out tonight.

It wasn't worth going out tonight, going out tonight, going out tonight.

It wasn't worth going out tonight, going out tonight, going out tonight,

shake your sister I want ship your sister I want ship your sister I want ship your sister

wasn't worth going out tonight

Going out tonight

wasn't worth going out tonight

Going out tonight

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