#334: Shave and a Haircut

I don't belong anywhere, but fuck you, I belong in rock and roll.

Like, that's rock.

Emo's like, I don't belong anywhere, and I'm getting triggered.

Like bestiality, I guess.

Oh, that's against the law?

Sure.

You're like, oh, fuck.

No, no.

Does Mink blow him?

Oh, my God, yes.

Ming cradles his balls and tongues is taint while Mike fucking polishes the head.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave, with me, with Walt, with Q, and Sunday Jeff is still here.

Hanging out.

Yeah, might as well.

Nothing's better than when Sunday Jeff decides to sit in.

But Sunday's Jeff here.

I got a comic book issue I want to bring up.

Comic book, like an issue of comic book?

Comics?

An issue relating to comics.

Secret Empire.

You guys are hip to this?

Just came out recently.

Yes.

This is, you know what Secret Empire is?

Right.

Is this the controversial one with the anti-Semitism, alleged anti-Semitism?

That was X-Men Gold.

Yeah, that was X-Men, right?

Yeah, I met that guy who did it.

No, where?

He was all right.

I think he was in Scotland or something.

I met him somewhere.

He can't be all right.

He hates the Jews.

Oh, does he?

Yeah.

Oh, I didn't know that.

Can't be all right.

I don't think you met the artist who did that.

He's not showing his face.

No.

Yeah.

Maybe I didn't.

I met somebody.

Maybe it wasn't him.

I'm assuming it wasn't him.

Yeah.

You're paddling around with a fucking anti-Semite.

I mean,

what do I know?

You seemed all right to me.

You're just on a show about him.

You know, when you think about it, he didn't seem to talk about Hitler an awful lot.

More so than us, even.

Did he think you were with the beard?

Did he think you were like an Iman or something?

Yeah, he was just like, hey, man,

can you point me to the nearest mosque so I can go hate on some Jews?

I was like, huh?

Yeah, right over there.

No, I must have not met him then.

I thought Mike and Ming said it was this guy in Scotland.

Maybe it wasn't.

Maybe it was some other dude.

Who the fuck knows?

But I did hear, though, that there's profiteering going on.

Well, that was.

Yeah, the issue goes up, man.

The issue is going for 20 bucks now.

Because they destroyed it.

They destroyed it.

Because

they pulped all the editions with the anti-speaking.

Ming bought a bunch of copies.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He sold them to me.

I would judge Ming, except now I know that it's being funneled into it.

Well, if someone's going going to make money off of it, right?

I mean, if all the issues are now being pulped,

there's a demand for it.

That window is very small, though.

Something, Jeff, would you sell that?

Because somebody came in here two or three weeks already.

Probably multiple copies.

He's just following orders, right, buddy?

Strict orders.

Now,

what was the artist Drew Luddy?

He put some anti-Koran quotes, Koran verses on the shirt of some of the characters.

He also had

maybe some graffiti achievements.

Kitty Pride, who's Jewish, was standing in front of a city street scene, and they had a jewelry store behind it.

And then I got cut off by her.

And then they moved a baseball bat because somebody was up at plate

and was hitting the ball, and the bat was right over Kitty Pride's head, so they digitally lowered it.

So this is like a fundamentalist artist or something?

Somebody who has some fun, some

fundamentalists.

Some very strong beliefs.

A Muslim gentleman who had.

But he's got to know that, like.

I don't think he knew.

I don't think it would come out that somebody analyzed that shit big time and picked out all that stuff.

Oh, really?

Yeah, they had to find it all and put the puzzle together.

What was that movie with Tom Hanks?

Horace Gump?

No, where he's running around solving puzzles and shit and saying, oh, DaVinci Code or whatever.

It was kind of like you had to be a Da Vinci Code comic book reader to

get all these clues.

And who blew the lid off this story?

Who blew the lid off this story?

Some party pooper.

Yeah.

Fucking jerk.

But that's not what I'm talking about.

No, you're not talking about it.

What are you talking about?

So, Secret Empire, Brian, what's going on is this.

You tell me what you think of this storyline.

Was this Captain America?

Yeah.

I saw you sucking his dick on Twitter.

Yeah, I was sucking Captain America's dick on Twitter.

No, the actor or

the artist or the writer.

The writer.

The writer.

Nick Spencer.

So he's been writing this storyline in which

Captain America, through the use of a Cosmic Cube, wait, this is right up your alley.

I know the gift I'm doing.

He feels like I like something.

He's like, you're sucking stick.

And I'm just like,

all right.

So he wrote that the Red Skull got his hand, Red Skull got his hands on a Cosmic Cube, used it to rewrite history, where Captain America was

always a secret Hydra agent.

And now he's making his big move to take over the United States States with Hydra.

He moved all the pieces into place.

He became the director of S.H.I.E.L.D..

He got the United States to cede all authority to SHIELD.

And with that, he comes out as the master of Hydra, takes over the United States.

The powerful ruling the weak is Hydra's new thing.

Really?

And people are up in arms.

Of course they are.

Do you want to guess why?

Of course they are.

Do you have any guesses as to why people are are having a hard time taking it?

It feels too real.

Yeah.

People are saying it's a.

It's a lot of real world, too real world.

They're saying it's a betrayal by Marvel Comics and that they that a lot of people in this time would be looking to Captain America for hope and inspiration and instead to find out that he's a bad guy.

You mean that fake guy

who

has the whole time has been plotting against us with a fake plot.

How can we trust again?

I know he's going to be fucking undone.

Yes.

I mean, these are the same people that cried when Superman died.

They're like, he's never coming back.

Yeah.

I can't believe it.

They are.

He was my guy.

I remember being in the store hearing that shit.

He was my guy.

He was my guy.

And a dude was almost crying.

I wanted to go over and just be like, turn in my card as a collector because I was like, you're an embarrassment.

You're an embarrassment.

Well, you should have just pulled his card, not turned yours in.

Because the people over there are consoling him.

They were consoling him at the store I was at.

I just wanted to vote.

A story.

A store that doesn't exist anymore.

That would have been

at Middletown.

All right.

And this dude's like, he's fucking.

I must have been in my 20s when he died.

And this dude was in his 40s, and he was like crying.

I mean, I couldn't see tears rolling down his cheeks, but his voice was cracking.

Right.

And there's there's other people like, hey, man,

he's going to be your guy still.

Don't work.

He's still your guy.

You'll see.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Doesn't it make you just go like, where's that guy now?

Like, what, if this affected him to this point, like, yeah, like, God forbid a real family member died.

He was my guy.

He was my dad.

It's fucking weird.

But the same thing goes like we've talked about on TV, where somebody does.

Wait, we know somebody that cried over a comic book death.

No,

was it Q?

No, that's Q

of Dark Phoenix.

I mean, he's gone on TV.

Oh, Mike.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's true.

Well, in all fairness, he was 12 by 40.

Even I get to get rid of that one.

Yeah,

still.

He was a child.

Yeah.

Forgive a young Mike Zeppelin.

You know, hormones and everything.

Playing.

It could have been raging that day.

You don't know what was going on.

Yeah, his feminine side.

He got a little bit of a period.

No, no, I don't mean a feminine white, but like, you know how boys can get can get

moody too when they're going through puberty.

Yeah, usually it's rage, though.

It's fucking tearing up at a fucking comic book character dying.

Like, I remember smashing the fucking side mirrors off cars for no reason, not crying about fucking Snuffy Smith's fucking grandpa dying or some shit.

Snuffy Smith!

That's a good pull.

Snuffy Smith.

Who listening here is like right now has got to fucking Google Snuffy Smith.

Yeah,

this dude's old.

Why am I listening to him?

But you're upset by this, Q?

Oh, I'm not upset by it.

I don't like that public opinion seems to be turning on Marvel and the storyline.

Marvel's taking a lot of hits for

some bad

comments, some horrible PR comments coming out from them.

Well, you're talking about the diversity thing.

But why are they not allowed to say the truth?

If that's the truth.

We don't know that's the truth.

That's speculative.

They do know the fucking truth.

Well, they know that the sales aren't good, but they're speculating as to why they aren't.

He said that they're hearing from people that the reason that they're not buying is because of the diversity initiative.

So if that's what they're hearing.

Because, wait a second.

So Marvel is making it more diverse that people are getting mad at that.

Marvel, well, like, look, you got your.

It's Tranny guy.

Well, you got Thor is not Thor.

Thor is a woman.

Bruce Banner is not the Hulk.

Hulk's

Korean kid.

And Jennifer Walters is now called the Hulk.

Sure.

Female Hulk.

Black Spider-Man, Miles Brown.

Some of these are great characters.

Iron Man replaced by a teenage black girl.

Nick Fury is now black.

So basically, there's no more white guy super.

Oh, Captain America is black.

Marvel has gone

more so than any company has definitely embraced diversity.

Yes.

No, I wouldn't say Robert, but a very, very ill-timed comment by

whoever it was, somebody big up at Marvel, to say that that's why sales are setting up.

That's why sales are set.

But

maybe it's not, though.

I mean,

they don't know that.

That's a speculation on that.

That's what they're hearing from people.

It can't possibly be stories.

Well, let me ask you something.

Let me ask you something.

I won't read.

Like, I haven't read Venom in forever.

Okay.

But now Venom's back to being Eddie Brock.

Now I'm like, fuck.

Now I want to read Venom again.

Well, what was Venom when he wasn't Eddie Brock?

Who was Venom?

He was Flash

Thompson.

Then he was a new guy, some new guy.

He was the Scorpion League gargon.

Wasn't for a while.

I had no interest in reading whatsoever.

Now he's Eddie Brock again.

I'm like, that I want to fucking read.

But that doesn't play into the argument.

No, my point is this.

The argument.

It's It's not a diversity thing.

To me, I'm just like, I want to read the characters that I know.

That you grew up with.

So to me, totally awesome Hulk.

Although I do like Amadeus Cho as a character, I don't like him as a Hulk.

I don't want to read it.

Right.

But I think

that's more because of your age and because you grew up with a character.

Loving a character,

not seeing that character.

Right.

In the sense that you fell in love with him in is

causing you not to buy that character.

Right.

But

now, look, now somebody could be like, I don't think anybody's saying, like, I'm not reading an Asian Hulk.

I don't think so either.

But I think that's what they're saying.

By the fact that they've taken these languages

characters and changed them in the name of diversifying the brand,

it's pushed people like me away.

I have nothing against a fucking, I like Amadeus Joe.

I think he's a great character.

He's a fucking awesome character.

Don't like him as a Hulk, so I'm not reading Hulk.

But isn't it also to point to the

easy way

to push

not push but to to introduce characters is to take an existing character's name and then slap it on

a female or a different ethnicity sure create characters that aren't like keep your core characters just create new good characters that are diverse though isn't that the way to a better way to do it well it could work like Miles Morales' Spider-Man I think he's a great character

didn't he have to be Spider-Man no he could have been a different character but I think their point saying to that is that you're not going to pay

attention

to Catch 21.

Is that what it's called?

You're not going to pay attention to it.

It's my story my whole life.

Always close.

But what they're learning is that people are like, well, I don't want to read.

I don't want to read Em Day's show as a Hulk.

I don't want to read.

It's like what's under the cover band.

Yeah.

It's like, I don't want to read these characters.

Sometimes it works.

You get your Wally West.

But the Marvel Universe you fell in love with

is

Archie Bunker dream.

I mean, it's all white characters, though.

Marvel Universe wasn't very diverse when you were growing up.

I agree.

So what are you to do?

You got to sell comics to the whole world, not just Q.

Yeah, but are you saying that you can't?

But

now you're taking your entire audience fan base, I mean, which is probably mostly white guys

and white girls, I would say.

And then to a lesser extent, you know.

I don't think it's ever been more diverse an audience for complex than there is right now.

Of course not.

But when you're talking about your hardcore readership, aren't you talking about mostly white males that aren't even younger?

They're probably older.

Sure.

Just go by your reverse.

Just go by your reservist.

I would have my who the fuck's walking through the door?

You tell me.

A bunch of fucking Asian Hulks.

Every fucking guy.

It's all white guys.

Every time they come here, the reservist.

The reservists.

ha we have a bit of a rainbow.

We do have a bit of a rainbow.

Yeah.

But

that's a good thing.

But that's but this I wouldn't base who's coming in this store, though, on the rest of the country, though.

I can't do that.

That would not be fair.

Yeah, because nobody else is nobody's going into those other fucking stores, probably.

No, that's not true.

I mean, that's not true.

I'll shit all over them.

Don't.

This is all it's all about achieving

everybody getting a slice of the pie.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

It's comic books are too good to just

a hidden secret.

I agree with you 100%, but like, obviously, something's not working for Marvel.

And they may be hearing people like me being like, I don't want to read Amadeus Joe as a Hulk.

And it's just like, and that could be translated as

that homeboy doesn't like Korean hulks.

Think of the honeymooners remake in the movie.

Koreans.

Let's go with that.

How well did that do?

Yeah, but I, again, no, I point to the, that's the quick and easy answer to like, well, how do we make things more diverse and and all entertainment?

Not all entertainment, but some forms of entertainment.

And slapping a honeymooner's label on

a different cast of characters or

a different race is just it's just too easy.

Like, why don't you just do something of qual write something of quality?

In a way, isn't it also

somewhat insulting?

I think so.

Where it's just like, look, if you're going to represent me, Korean Hulk guy, or black Iron Man girl.

Can I stand on my own two feet?

Yeah, but

they're like, well, people will buy these titles.

But why change the court's character?

Regardless.

Why?

Because it gets stale.

You got to change it up.

You change the story.

So then you make Captain America a fucking bad guy, and

now you've got people crying about it.

Meanwhile, that's a fucking awesome storyline.

Captain America goes evil, goes rogue, and takes over the United States.

Like, that's pretty fucking dope.

Now, how do you think?

Do you think he'll stay No, of course not.

People, no?

Of course not.

It's all tied into a Cosmic Cube.

Now,

but what about the guys who are very upset by this?

And you don't think that they have a right to be like, that's my guy?

Have you seen anyone crying?

I don't think that real comic book fans.

This is where I have an issue.

I think the people who are crying.

And why are you touching?

Get up with Sunday, Jeff.

No, we need to figure out.

Because you don't care about comics, and no one doesn't want to talk about comics.

Sunday, but

you're going to.

I think I know you're going here.

Are you ready to say

anybody who doesn't?

Anybody who doesn't like a good story is not

no, no, no, no, no.

I'm saying the people who are getting politically offended by it are not real comic book fans because

what are you talking about?

Like, it's a fucking storyline.

You're a brave man.

That's been done before.

I love how you go out and put yourself out.

That's fucking

admirable.

Watch when I get the call later.

We should probably cut all that out.

I got a brand new mainstay once to you.

Once.

Sunday Jeff wasn't even asking to have that last shit cut up.

We had the commandeer

cut the shit.

Is that diversified?

Cut his mic off.

And then because then you're saying, because in the articles I'm reading, are people being like, well, Captain America

was created by a Jewish man, so to have him working with essentially the Nazis is a disrespect to the creator.

And it's just like, what the fuck are you talking about?

Like, what are you talking about?

You don't know anything about comics.

If that's the flag that you're planting, you know nothing.

You don't realize that at a certain point, either A,

it's a long con that he's been doing to save the world, or B, it's not Captain America at all, or C,

he was brainwashed, and he's going to come out of it, and he's going to save the world.

In which case, he's a victim, by the way.

Captain America, if they use the Cosmic Cube to fuck with his mind, he's a victim.

So he's not even the bad guy.

Exactly.

But you know what?

I don't like Trump, so Captain America can't be a fucking bad guy.

Oh, man, so you

get up there, baby.

Preach.

Get up there, preach, motherfucker.

Take a fucking harsh stance on this.

I'm getting nervous.

I'm afraid he may be assassinated for

like he'll be giving a speech out in fucking New York somewhere.

I mean, you should go to Berkeley with this shit, motherfucker.

Yeah, Berkeley.

I'm going to.

They won't let me preach there.

They don't like my type there.

The people who like Secret Empire.

You're as controversial as Milo.

My question is: will

Captain America under this regime lower taxes?

That's my question.

That is the issue that I'm trying to figure out now.

No, I just find it funny.

Like, there's all these think pieces written about it.

And I read them and I'm like, this is clearly someone who has never fucking read a comic book with, like,

and reviews about it are either reviews about it or

just think pieces about the politics behind it.

And it's just like, never once do they mention, is it good?

Is it an interesting storyline?

Like, what's happening to the characters in it?

What happened to the good guys that are fighting against?

None of that.

It's just like, you shouldn't be writing stuff like this now because more than ever, we need Captain America to be standing up for democracy.

It's like, what the fuck?

What are you talking about?

It's just like, what are you talking about?

Yeah.

Exactly.

What the fuck are you talking about, asshole?

Like, don't you, wouldn't you like to debate that person one-on-one?

I would, but I would come out looking like a bad guy.

Because you just think about it.

It would be no nonsense, though.

You would be like, look, you fucking moron.

Yeah.

It would be.

It would be like, are you.

You might get the chance now if this goes viral.

Yeah.

If your rant goes viral,

you may have to put up or shut up.

Okay.

I will debate.

Let's get LaDon though in here.

I'm sure he's.

No, no, no, no, no.

But you can't bring in somebody.

He's too busy

blowing his own horn about being vegan.

I don't think it'd be fair.

I think it'd be fair to bring in someone, well, like somebody who who wrote one of the articles you dislike.

Okay.

That would be more of a

more.

And then we'll bring in the Muslim dude to fucking debate Sunday Jeff.

Oh, I would love to fucking interview that guy.

Yeah.

I saw comics.

They should be trying to land that interview, right?

Yeah.

They should be going after that dude.

Dude,

fucking.

Come on.

What else have they done?

What else?

Softball shit is what they want.

Oh, my God.

Yes.

They'll take on the fucking tough issues.

Episode once?

since they stole the song and first played it.

Excuse me the first note of the song they stole from us.

That was when they went softball.

I don't believe that.

I don't believe that they went softball.

They went totally PC.

I believe so.

I mean, I haven't read anything.

They don't do the hard news.

They just go after

the low-laying fruit.

Lying?

Low-lying fruit?

Low-lying fruit.

Low-hanging fruit, guys.

You know what I meant.

I do.

I think that if they got the opportunity to interview the Muslim dude,

they would blow him.

He would blow them up.

But they would

not blow him.

I think

it was

not.

No way.

No chance.

You think Mike would go in with softball questions for that guy?

Q, what do you think?

The chief would lie down?

Not my chief.

He'd show his underbound.

Not my guy.

He's my guy.

I think it's difficult to go after people when you're in the same room as them.

Because when you see, connect with people on a human level, I disagree with you.

I see Walt go after Sunday Jeff for the vicious one.

They're friends, like a stranger.

Like, it's easy to talk shit.

We deal with it.

But when you get one-on-one with people, I think it's hard to see them as less than human.

Well, no, he's not less than human, but I would be like, why did you do it?

Like, why would you write all that anti-Semitic shit in there?

I don't get get it.

Like, why would you do that?

I don't think Mike would ask that.

No.

Right.

How could you not?

That's the only reason he's there.

You'd have to ask that question.

I don't, I just, I'm gonna, I'm going to back my guy, even though it's, you know, we know not there, we'll never know because the guy's not gonna submit to an interview anyway.

Right.

Yeah, certainly not to them.

Oh, everybody, everyone, it's all coming, coming, channel, and we're not going to ask any hard questions.

Does Ming blow him?

Oh, my God, yes.

Ming cradles his balls and tongues is taint while Mike fucking polishes the head.

That is the fucking interview that's going on.

Ming.

Wow.

Come on.

Ming just

wouldn't get him to sign the book.

You've just thrown them under the bus, though.

You've just taken all of their

journalistic credibility.

Yeah, and just shat on it.

You just shat on them in an instant.

You're friends.

Okay, well,

what I'm saying is they haven't proven otherwise.

I mean,

in every, because it's not like

we do interviews, but if we did, I'd like to think that we'd ask some questions.

If the guy was writing anti-Semitic shit, that would be one of the questions.

What'd you do that for?

I don't think, I don't doubt for a second,

not for a second, that's all you would talk about.

You wouldn't even ask him any other questions.

That's the kind of interviewer you are.

There's not even a doubt that you'd go in and you'd be looking for.

I'd have my blazer on.

Well,

you'd have your razor out.

Yeah, because it's the only reason he's there.

I don't want to talk about any of the other shit.

You'd have no reason to put any chapstick on because you ain't blowing nobody.

No, no way, man.

Well, do they put chapstick on?

Well, yeah, of course.

They don't want to do it.

You don't want to dried up lipstick.

Well, lips are sort of self-moisturizing.

But they want to be careful.

I mean, they got this guy all the way down here.

This is a rare interview.

If they're going to blow him, it's going to be the best blowjob this guy ever got.

He's willing to go against one of the most basic tenets of his religion because these guys are going to suck him off so good.

What's your favorite color, buddy?

Akira Purpa.

Purple?

Yeah.

Purple doesn't fit in here.

We're talking about blue.

We're talking about blue apron.

The number one fresh ingredient recipe delivery service in the country.

Do you know what their mission is?

Um,

I don't know.

Well, you're about to find out.

To make incredible home cooking accessible to everyone.

And they achieve this by

Blue Apron achieves this by supporting a more sustainable food system, setting the highest standard for ingredients of building a community of home chefs.

Here's the good thing.

Families that cook together stay together.

So we're going to get some Blue Apron, and you're going to make me dinner.

What do you think of that?

Um, Um, I just try.

You're going to try?

All right, that's all you can do: is try.

But if you mess it up,

I wouldn't want to be you.

Research shows that blue apron families cook nearly three times more often.

You're going to cook me dinner at least three times a week.

What do you think of that?

Yes.

You're going to cook me, let's see what they got.

Spinach and fresh mutrell pizza with olives, bell peppers, and ragut salata.

Sweet and sour salmon, parmesan crusted chicken, baby broccoli.

No adult broccoli, just baby broccoli.

You know, not all ingredients are created equal.

So, come on.

The real difference here is everything's fresh.

It's affordable.

There's variety.

It's flexible.

It's easy.

And it's guaranteed.

So, what are you going to do after we get done with this commercial?

You're going to go on your computer.

What color is your computer?

Papa.

It should be blue.

And you're going to go to blueapron.com/slash T-E-S-D,

and you're going to love how good it feels and tastes to create incredible home-cooked meals with blue apron.

But I mean, that's not that's hardly a story.

I think the real story that we should have let off with was Q cutting his hair.

I mean, he's in Hollywood Life magazine.

He's in Life and Style magazine.

Life is still being published?

No, Life and Style.

Life and Style.

It was a Norman Rockwell painting of Q getting his hair cut.

The Saturday evening post

at the soda counter.

He's getting a malt.

There's two straws in a fucking drink.

Is life still being published?

Shit.

Not that I know of.

I've never seen that.

Fucking magazine so big anyway, where the hell did he put it?

Well, yeah, what happened?

I was in Hawaii, and I was like, fuck it.

Time for a change.

Now,

if you want to talk conspiracy Sunday, Jeff, you might like this.

Didn't you get that buzzed haircut on 420, Hitler's birthday?

No.

Okay.

I wasn't sure when you got it.

Is 420 Hitler's birthday?

Yeah.

Really?

Isn't that also the date where everybody's going to be able to get a little bit of a break?

It's like pot day.

Yeah, it's pot day.

This is so weird.

This is like synchronous.

I got to hit learn something.

Oh, yeah.

You hit learn something new every day.

Good.

One of the best ones of all time.

Really?

Yeah.

Who's he shitting on this time?

His niece, his fucking third cousin.

No, no shit involved.

It's been a while, right, since we did it.

You did learn something new every day.

But

what was the reaction in general?

People like it.

I think you look more intense with short hair.

You're more dreamy.

I'm told I look younger this way.

But

split 50-50.

You should have read it.

The problem is that I've put on fucking five pounds since I cut it, so now I'm starting to get that fucking private pile.

Fat fucking face thing.

I got to lose

a few more pounds.

I did.

I lost almost 15 pounds before I cut it.

And since then, I've been eating like shit.

Yeah.

So I got to lose it.

Was it shorter originally?

Oh, it was number one to the scalp.

Okay, because you sent me a picture.

Yeah.

You want to see?

I didn't share it.

That's the kind of friend I am.

I knew that his hair was buzzed.

Why didn't you want to share it?

I could have sold it to a fucking

online reg.

Look at that.

Wow.

Long that hair was.

That was long.

Yeah.

It was like 13 inches long.

Shaving a sheep.

Yeah.

By the way, I did save a lock of it for getting him to sell on eBay for his teeth.

Woo!

Yeah.

That could bring a lot.

How much do you think that brings in?

$1,000?

$200, $300?

No.

Is it not going to break $1,000?

Enough to fill the cavity that he'll eventually get in that tooth.

Really?

No, I think a few hundred.

That would take immediately.

I don't know.

I think this is going to break a thousand.

Yeah, this is the picture you sent me.

Yeah.

The hair grows pretty fast then, man.

Oh, yeah.

Can they take that hair?

Andre Agassi.

Yeah.

And could they make a clone of you?

Like one of your.

Oh, so they could have their own private queue.

Yeah.

Do anything they want to it.

I mean, they can pretty much do anything they want to this one.

Yeah, I think it looked more intense.

Like you got the dark eyebrows, the dark eyes.

You look kind of like punk rocky.

Like that picture that remember when Sal had a 70s party and you sent that picture recently.

You look like that like punk rocker type guy.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's cool.

The girls on the crew.

London Leatherboy.

Rent boy.

Wow.

The girls on the crew were initially against it.

It's about old.

People are going to get that reference.

That was an accept song.

The girls on the crew were crying?

Well, they were originally against it.

And then when it got done, they said, wow, we didn't.

It looks really good.

So I'm getting 50-50s, please.

A lot less people recognizing me.

That's got to be the best part.

That's fucking pretty cool.

Yeah, I walk through the airport through the guys, and I'm able to just breeze through while they get fucking hit, hit, and hit.

Nobody wants to go near you.

They think you're sick.

They're fucking cancer-ridden white supremacists.

You know what?

They're only half wrong.

Healthy as a horse.

No, no, no.

This is a joke.

It's just leading into our Hitler stuff,

which we need to

find out.

We got a Hitler.

Learned something.

This one,

we're all high on the

testosterone meter.

All right.

No, I'm actually going to the urologist this week so I can bring it up a couple notches.

You need a little injection.

I think I need a little bit.

Fill up the tank.

Yeah, I need like a testosterone milkshake.

Well, I think that

there is something that universally is

known to be a go-to for dudes.

The Three Stooges, right?

Oh, yeah.

Right?

Isn't that just something that all manly men

are fond of the Three Stooges?

Why do you think that is?

Because it's just base,

stupid humor.

It's like it's what

you fucking do when you're a kid.

They're physically ball breaking with their friends.

They're not taking each other's feelings into account.

They're not fucking wondering how other people will view it.

If anyone's going to be triggered.

They're just fucking palling around.

Have you ever met any

females who dig the Three Stooges?

I don't think so.

They got to be out there.

They got to be out.

I'm not saying they're not.

Yeah.

Yeah, God forbid.

Please, please.

But it's pretty universally beloved by dudes, right?

I think so, yeah.

And a certain kind of dude.

A fucking real dude.

A real dude.

Fucking man.

I mean, Jeff, you big Three Stooges fan, right?

I love it.

Do you know who didn't love it?

Well.

Hitler, you think?

Really?

Let's take one guess.

Three of them were Jews?

Not only did Hitler hate the Three Stooges,

he planned for years.

He tried to have them assassinated.

No fucking way.

Yes.

People are just making making shit up now.

No, not you.

They're like, what sounds even crazier than Hitler getting his niece to take a shit out of him?

I know.

You wouldn't have the Three Stooges off.

In 1940, after the Three Stooges made a short entitled You Nazi Spy, N-A-Z-T-Y.

You've seen that one?

Yeah, Mo dresses up as Hitler.

Which satirized Hitler and his high-ranking Nazi leadership as bumbling

idiots, Hitler wanted to kill the Three Stooges.

He put them on a kill list, and up until the very last days of the war, he would inquire about, you know, when he was getting briefings,

have we been able to kill the Stooges yet?

Unbelievable.

I wonder why.

Also, what's that war?

Also, what's the word on those Disney characters?

We're kicking our asses.

That's crazy.

Didn't the Marx brothers do something

with Charlie Chaplin, right?

Charlie Chaplin.

This predated the Charlie Chaplin,

the great dictator, by

nine months.

So the Stooges were the first

entertainers to take Hitler to task, and they were told before they released this, before they made the movie, they were warned not to do it.

Really?

It's like that Seth Rogan movie they played out a couple of years back.

By their manager.

He said he did not think it was a good idea to

satirize Hitler at the time in 1940.

No,

at this point, I don't think it was like America wasn't involved in the war

when this was released.

They were just casually ignoring the Holocaust at that point.

Well, you know,

Hitler blamed that movie, the Three Stooges movie, as a reason why U.S.

felt compelled to join the war.

He always blamed...

It wasn't Pearl Armor.

He always blamed

popular

the feelings

of negativity back on that movie.

And he wanted them dead from up until he died.

He had hoped that he had gotten them, he had killed them.

Shit, he never did.

And you know what?

The three stooges were?

Jewish.

Jewish.

They were Jewish.

I mean, they really should have been treated better towards the end of their careers, knowing that they were responsible for almost.

They all got fucked at the end.

Right?

Well,

according to this.

But where does this come from, this information where it's like he was that fucking worked up?

He must have been mad about everything, man.

Like, this is like he's like, he's like, oh, my God, they're making fun of me in this.

Because they were shorts.

Was it a full short?

A 17-minute, 59-second film.

He showed it to him.

Like, who was the guy that was like, oh, God, you're not going to want to feel

this shit?

Yeah.

I wouldn't have done it.

I would have been like, let's just not tell him.

Why don't we just not tell him?

No, no, no.

You know what they did?

They made a Jewish guy tell him.

They took one of the prisoners.

They're like, hey, man, bring in this videotape to Hitler.

Yeah.

Here's what this article says.

I would have stayed away.

The short by the Stooges might have actually did a lot to move many Americans toward more support for England entering the war.

After Pearl Harbor, after Pearl Harbor in 1941, the U.S.

entered the war.

So, I mean, a lot of Americans supported England in the war based upon this short.

I mean,

it's pretty crazy, though, right?

That, you know, even in his bunker.

Everything is going to shit, and he's still like, he's about to be a damn.

He's light down on a fucking cyanide

he's about to die.

And he's like, before I do this, did we get those motherfuckers?

They made me look like a total asshole.

Oh, can you imagine that?

Do you think that Germany as a country should have just folded it and renamed themselves?

Yeah.

They should have, right?

They're never going to fucking escape that.

They should have just renamed themselves.

They should have called themselves Prussia or some shit like that.

Like, just fucking wrapped it up as a country.

Or Garmani or something.

Yeah, Yeah, yeah.

Something similar, but

just change a letter or something, you know.

Seiji, what do you do when you want a snack, but all you can find is junk food?

You eat the junk food, right?

Because it's delicious.

Yummy chips.

Cookies.

Iced cream.

It's all good, right?

Yeah.

But it's not as good as Nature Box.

Now, do not make any references to Lady Private Parts when talking about Nature Box.

Please don't do it.

They asked us not to do it.

So don't do it.

All right?

I'll do it.

Don't do it.

Yeah, I am.

You're going to do it.

Yeah.

Oh, no.

I hope you don't do it.

You're funny, girl.

You're funny, buddy.

If you go to Nature Box, they have healthy snacks.

Now, remember, Nature Box threatened us and sent us that fish in the mail?

Remember that time?

Well.

We got to do a good ones because otherwise we're busted.

NatureBox will bust us.

So everybody has to to go to naturebox.com slash TESD.

You're going to get 50% off your first order of Nature Box.

They make snacks that taste great and are good for you, healthy stuff.

They made their service even better.

They can order as much as you want, as often as you want with no minimum purchase, and you can cancel anytime.

So just go to naturebox.com slash TESD.

You're going to get 50% off your first order.

You'll never get bored.

Do you get bored sometimes?

Um, yes, I am.

Right, but if you order nature box, you'll never be bored again.

All right, oh, that's pretty good, huh?

No, it's not good, bad, it's bad.

You should be bored sometimes, yeah.

Oh, you're right.

Let's tune into Icel Comics right now after we eat naturebox.com/slash T-E-S-D.

I got enough.

This one didn't make it, but I also, it's real quick, though.

Um, I thought this was interesting, too.

Um,

Hitler started, um,

poured a lot of money into the research where he tried to train dogs to talk.

And he poured millions into it.

Just look like the gods.

Why does he kill the dogs?

He loved German Shepherds, right?

He loved dogs.

He just sounds so wacky.

Like if he just killed so many people, he'd be lovable.

He'd be fucking great.

He'd be the wackiest, funniest fucking country leader ever.

Yeah.

Like, oh, why did he have to go fucking act out like that?

Because this is crazy shit.

He attempted to build an army of fearsome speaking dogs.

I want you to go over to America and tell those three stooges cocksuckers.

They'll listen to you.

Hitler hoped the clever creatures would learn to communicate with their SS masters, and he even had a special dog school to set up to teach them to read.

and talk.

Incredible findings show Nazi officials recruited so-called educated dogs from all over Germany and trained them to speak and tap out signals using their paws.

One mutt was said to have uttered the words Meinfuhr when asked

who Hitler was.

That's the one.

That's the one.

Another spoke by tapping letters of the alphabet with his paws and was said to have speculated about religion.

and poetry.

Okay.

The Germans hoped to use the animals for for the war effort, such as getting them to work alongside the SS and Guard concentration camps to free up officers.

Let's see.

What a fucking insane piece of shit that they lost.

Yeah, it's like, how the fuck?

This one really fucking freaked me out.

He killed his own fucking people.

He tried to train dogs to talk.

He's just a mini.

He's trying to kill the streets.

There is supposedly film footage of

one German pointer named Don

who

was

on film saying, hungry, give me cake.

That's what a dog asks for?

Cake.

Hungry, give me cake.

Have a steak?

I mean, how wide is his vocabulary of food?

Because normally you're not giving a dog cake.

Right.

So now

he's like, here's my preference.

I know I have a bunch of other food in my vocabulary, but I want cake.

That sounds weird.

Maybe he he meant steak.

Steak sounds weird.

Well, he's probably saw other, he's probably saw all humans eat cake, and he's like, I want to try cake, too.

Right.

And he overhears somebody being like, yo, give me more cake.

If you can talk, though, you're going to be treated like a human, though.

Yeah.

If you're a talking animal?

Yes, you will be treated.

You don't automatically treat it just like a human.

But in movies, it's like anytime something acts different, they're like, kill it.

You know, like they find like a giant squid, the biggest squid ever.

They're like, well, let's kill it.

Because what else are we going to do?

Scary, bro.

But if my cat started talking, I mean, I already treat them better than I treat every human.

So, like, if they started talking to me, you would definitely treat them even better, right?

I mean, as equals.

Well, especially, like, what if you hear them plotting against you?

I mean, that would be rough to find out that my kitties were plotting against me after all I've given them.

But there was another dog

that was said to have fallen in love with its instructor

and would make romantic messages.

type out romantic messages to the instructor.

Can I suck your dick?

No, no.

It was a female instructor.

Oh,

it was trying to woo, romantically woo, the instructor through poetry.

Was she hot?

It was a German.

That could be, man.

You saw Ava, right?

Yeah.

I saw Hitler's mom.

Hitler's mom was hot?

No, she was not.

I remember you were going to bang her?

Oh, that's right.

She looks like Michael Sarah in a way.

Yeah.

Wow.

Dogs wooing humans.

Is there anything a dog could say to you that would make you leave your wife?

there's also a rash of that like you see it every once in a while like they work at an animal shelter or they're on meth or whatever like

like a mugshot of a lady looking like well i wish i wasn't in the newspaper who got fucked by a dog or like

or sends videos to their boyfriend they're like hey here's me sucking a dog's dick and the boyfriend's like what the fuck yeah

It happens more often than not.

I've heard of this too.

Like, fucking weird shit, man.

Like, it's crazy.

Yeah.

Didn't they get arrested for that?

Oh, God, yeah.

Can't go around sucking off a dog.

Like bestiality, I guess.

Oh, that's against the law?

Sure.

You're like, oh, fuck.

No, no.

Sunday, Jeff, I need those tapes back for yourself.

Those VHS tapes.

But, like, that's all I'm talking about.

That's a fuck section.

I'll just write woman arrested.

Yeah, but like.

Sex.

Oops.

No, I hear you.

No, but Brian was like, but Brian wouldn't kill him when he was the serial killer.

He wouldn't kill the hot teachers who

were doing young kids.

Moment said these women were hot.

None of them look all that hot.

Yeah, I mean, come on, Malta.

Hot women aren't fucking dogs.

Yeah.

Oh, I don't even want to search for it.

No, don't even do it.

I don't want to search for it.

Women arrested for having sex.

This is as recent as February.

Woman had sex with dogs at bestiality party.

Ohio woman arrested for having sex.

And having parties about it?

Oh, my God, dude.

They're fucking.

They're partying.

So crazy.

That's gross.

Having sex with dog after violence.

You don't even fuck a dog.

You tried to give it cake and teach it to talk.

Yeah, like they're worse than Hitler.

They're worse than Hitler.

And some of these women are not like.

I've seen videos of women like sucking off horses.

Yeah.

I think it was of.

Come on.

That's cool.

That's just everywhere, right?

We've all seen that.

Isn't that just get him in a wig?

Different wig.

Like a giant beehive hairdo, sucking the horse's cock.

Shut up.

What?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I was just taking a little rest on my Casper mattress.

Nice try.

Yeah.

You knew I was faking?

Yeah, you are faking.

Okay.

You know it's not fake.

The Casper was named one of the greatest inventions by Time magazine in 2015.

They created a perfect mattress that they sell directly to consumers, eliminating commission-driven, inflated prices.

And jobs, I guess, too, right?

I mean, if you're going to think about it that way.

Its award-winning sleep surface was developed in-house as a sleek design and delivered in a small.

How did they do that?

Sized box.

Ah, so see.

Right?

Say, how did they do that?

Not so.

You don't know.

Because you don't work at Casper.

They're geniuses, super geniuses.

They've got the intellect of a getem Steve Dave.

They've forced consumers, the mattress industry, the evil mattress industry worse than the the the oil industry is the mattress industry into

forcing consumers into paying notoriously high in markups so they're revolutionizing just like the american revolution did you learn about that in school when we told britain to piss off we're going to do our own thing um yes right

Down with the UK, USA, all the way.

Isn't that what you say all the time?

Yeah.

I know.

I heard you say it like at least 12 times today.

Anyway, it's convenient.

You buy it.

A hundred nights, you get to sleep on it.

And if you don't like it, you send it back.

And they'll give you all your money back.

Pretty good, right?

So, what we should do is we'll order them under different names.

We could sleep for a year for free, pretty much.

Whoa.

Right?

Get a mattress, send it back.

Oh, it sucks.

Then we'll do it under your name.

I don't like this mattress.

We'll send it back.

And we can just keep on doing that, right?

Not a good thought.

Not a plan.

That's not a good plan?

No.

We can steal people's identities.

Don't you want to be an identity thief?

I need to fight our enemies.

You want to fight the enemies?

Yeah.

Who's the enemy?

Masha Czech.

Let me tell you something.

Yeah.

Everyone is the enemy.

$50 off any mattress purchase.

If you go to casper.com/slash T-E-S-D, use the promo code T-E-S-D, and you're going to get a sweet, sweet deal.

And then we can use those mattresses to set up like a fort.

So when the enemies come to get us, boom, we're ready.

I am rough.

You're rough?

Yes.

I give fight.

You're good at fighting?

Yeah.

You know what I'm good at doing?

You know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna get a bucket and I'm gonna have a poop in it for like a week.

And then when the people come, I'll take the poop out and I'll throw it on them.

How's that sound?

Not a good plan.

That's not a good plan?

No, I agree plan.

You are outside me.

I can't grasp them.

Okay, so I hide inside the mattress for it, and you're outside the mattress for it, crushing people?

No.

Be careful, because you might get hit with some poop, because I'm going to throw it.

That's happening.

No.

Not exactly.

Casper.com/slash T-E-S-D.

We went to.

When I say we, Walt was there.

We went to a con in Pittsburgh.

I saw this.

Let me tell you something.

Go ahead.

This guy's a social butterfly.

No, Walt.

Meeting, greeting.

Oh, Oh, yeah.

Yeah, well, you got it.

I'm doing all right.

That's the

people out to see you, man.

They're out to.

They made a trip just to see us.

I feel like I

did a little dance.

Not much, but a little dancing.

No, he wasn't doing like the Lindy Hopper or anything.

You got to do a little bit of a dance.

He did a little bit of a

little Manhattan transfer.

Now, was it hard for you to do that, or did you enjoy it?

I didn't enjoy it, but it wasn't like I hated it either.

So

it was just like part of the deal, man.

You go,

you can't, you got to do it.

So you just do it.

Most people knew that attitude, Walt.

Fucking that country being a good place.

Thank you.

I got to hang out with the

family Flanagan.

Very rare.

Yeah.

Oh, I thought you weren't allowed.

I thought you were non gratis, persona non gratis.

I think that.

I think that I was given a chance

to

prove myself.

how'd that go i thought it went well right it went well yeah he was very you're very uh

very quiet very reserved

he thought about the thing he thought about what he said before he said it which is which is always a good thing constant smell of burning wood

we uh the first night we went to red robin okay i i i told lindsey wagner That's right.

He had an invitation to go out to Lindsey Wagner to dinner.

Buying up woman, asked him to go out to dinner.

He blew her off.

Ow.

This is a more rare occasion going out with the Flanagans than Lindsey Wagner.

My wife and my daughter, yeah.

He went out and he decided to, he opted for the Flanagan.

Oh, no, I would too.

Would you?

I would.

See,

I wouldn't have begrudged anybody who was like, it's a bionic woman.

It was really close to just me, Deb, and his daughter, because he wanted a bionic woman.

But then when he found out that she didn't talk about femme's the entire time, he's like, oh, fucking Flanagan go.

But

it was confirmed that he sleeps with his head under the bed.

But then...

Oh, you doubted it?

You didn't believe it?

Oh, no, I believed it.

But it was, but I thought what was funny was the caveat of Deb going, but I mean, he has a blanket on.

I'm like, oh, okay.

I mean, that makes all the difference.

And then I heard a story of canine heroics.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, I don't usually do this, Q.

I don't usually, like, when you know when you ever been in a a green room, I'm sure you've been in many.

First, tell the story because this part is absolutely brilliant.

Okay.

What's the story?

Well, the first part is when we're at dinner and you, and what happened.

Yeah, first tell what happened, and then I don't know what happened.

Because when we were at dinner, and you were telling the story to, first off, his wife and kid.

argue every single point he makes and every single thing he says it's fucking that checks out his daughter is so cool

she really is man she's fucking funny and she's breaking his balls but you told the story at the table.

Oh, about what Cooper did?

Yeah.

So first, tell the story.

We went away to Pittsburgh.

I needed someone to stay with the dogs and my older daughter because she didn't come.

So I asked my mom to stay at the house and watch the dogs.

And the first afternoon we were gone,

my wife got a call from my mom.

very almost hysterical.

But like in a good way, because she was calming down because she was was hysterical, but she's not hysterical anymore.

Storm passed.

Storm passed, but she's still like feeling, she's still winded by what happened.

Is that she couldn't find

my Boston socks?

They were out in the yard, and she disappeared.

Couldn't find her anywhere.

But Cooper, the French bulldog,

was in the yard and was in the house and searching everywhere.

And she's getting very nervous.

And she's like, she must have got out under the fence.

What am I going to do?

I can't believe this dog got out.

But then Cooper, seeing her

stress levels,

basically guided her

down into the yard where she didn't know that we had

almost a hidden door.

And Cooper started to act very agitated and barking and clawing at the door.

And basically, like,

if it could have said mine fewer, he would have.

But

And so my mom was like, oh, I never saw that door before.

And she opened the door.

And somehow

the Boston got in there.

Okay.

And it was probably in there for 10 minutes.

And

so she closed the door and she basically, you know, saved that dog because my mom never would have found that door.

And that dog probably would have been bones when we got back from Pittsburgh.

Man.

Two days later.

So my mom was basically saying that, like, you know, the Cooper saved that dog's life.

Right.

And, you know, really was communicating with her.

Now, you need to understand the story when he tells it.

Whoever first told the story of Sully Sullenberger landing that plate in the water told it with less zeal and passion

than the hero Cooper, who he talks on and on about that dog.

You know, yeah.

His dog is.

I love that dog.

But Debbie and Alicia are like, all right.

Like, I have a feeling that there are definite favorites.

Like, Cooper is your, Cooper's the.

Oh, Cooper's the favorite because he's just adorable.

But

he's your guy.

But then Sox is.

They're both.

Yeah.

But I mean, I think because Cooper's just dopey looking and he's just lovable looking.

Personality.

And yeah, he's kind of like that

kind of like personality.

I can relate.

So, but we're in the green room, and I, and it is so

unlike me to speak to anybody in the green room.

Right.

But Ming had brought this couple into the green room who were, who owned celebrity dogs.

And I, and they have 100,000 followers on Instagram.

And one of their celebrity dogs is a French bulldog.

Okay.

And something came over me, and I was like, I had to big time them.

I had to tell them I don't give a fuck about your celebrity dogs.

And I had to tell them what my dog had just done.

And I don't think they liked it at all as I proceeded to, like, they were there to be, like, we got celebrity dogs.

They were in commercials.

And, like, and I was like, I don't give a fuck.

Let me present it the way it really happens.

Because he's right.

It was fucking shocking.

And I was like,

this is either the autism kicking in or he's fucking brilliant.

They're a combination of the both.

So Ming's like, Ming talks about these people and their dogs.

And they're like, yeah, and they're not like, hey, man, our dogs are the best ever.

Well, they think they're at a con for their dogs.

They must think they're hot shit.

But

were their dogs there?

I didn't think they were there.

They were, what's it called?

Pressing hands and making them.

Pressing the flesh.

Yeah, they're trying to get connections so they can get their dog at the next con.

So Ming asks about their dogs, and they're talking about them.

And he just blurts out, my dog's a hero.

Like, now we're sitting at a round table.

It's me, him, Ming, these two people, and then two other people.

Yes.

They were like, what's he talking about?

He then goes on to repeat the story of the heroics.

And they were like, cool.

This is why he doesn't do cons.

But I'm like,

is he doing this for me?

I hope he's doing this for me.

He was doing it for you.

But he really, yeah.

It was only later on that I discovered.

Was it in their faces?

Was that how he was telling it?

Yeah.

I didn't want to hear about dirt dogs.

It absolutely was like in their faces.

Like you were like, fuck your kids.

He was like, fuck your dogs.

Have they ever walked up to a door,

say, three to five yards, and they're already standing.

Like, he acted like his dog got on a bus, went to the next,

found the other dog, and brought him back on the return bus.

Oh, it's so great.

The way the story was told, I was like, oh my God, I was dying.

Their faces were like, just, because he's sitting to the right, and I wasn't looking at him.

He's like, my dog's a hero.

It's like in jaws when Quentin talks behind everybody and they just fucking turn around like, what's going on?

Walt's scratching a fucking truck for his shit.

Oh, it was so fucking great.

And then

I went out with him again the next night

to Shawnee's.

Shawnee's.

Shonies?

It was Bob Evans.

Bob Evans.

Sorry.

Just somehow worse than that.

That's the Shonies.

I wish we had gone to Shonys.

Are you insane?

Bob Evans is second only to Denny's.

I mean, it is a fucking great place.

What a family atmosphere.

What great, like, plain American hearty food.

And plain Americans, because it was only white people there.

I was looking around.

I looked around.

Only white people.

That has nothing to do with anything.

Only your sick mind is like fucking calculating how many people are in the room who are not

color.

Let's see if I'm the sick one, right?

So, okay.

So, we're having a conversation, and he's still stewing about the fucking celebrity dogs.

And he starts haranguing his daughter to start an Instagram page for his dog.

And he's like, well,

he's pressing her.

He's like, we can make advertising money.

It's like, let's just get Cooper doing offensive stuff.

Offensive.

No, no, no.

I didn't mean offensive.

I meant to say, like, um well you said like to get noticed terrorists yeah i'd be like to get him noticed and to get like people to be like have you seen this you go we got to follow this because this is the craziest shit ever like right there's this there's this french bulldog who's standing

he'll have he'll be standing on the bottom like we'll photoshop in like dead terrorists right and he's like the like he's a patriotic hero dog or something and and he hates terrorism or something.

Just something like to get people, like, some people will be annoyed, and some people will love it.

We know that's a fact, right?

Yeah.

You can't deny that, right?

Well, did she make it?

Because I'm willing to pay off and retweet it.

She wouldn't do it.

Here's the thing.

The reason she won't do it is because she's like, well, I'm going to need Photoshop.

He's like, no, that's too much money.

She's like, that.

She's basically like, then, how the fuck am I supposed to do it?

He won't get her laptop either.

He's like, she's like his MS paint.

And he keeps going on and and on about the advertising money.

And she's like,

how are we going to make money?

What are you talking about?

And I think he's thinking of like sponsors down the line, but doesn't explain that to her.

So she's like, in her mind, she's like, I don't have a laptop.

I don't have Photoshop.

But I don't know how the fuck we're supposed to make money off of this.

If she agreed to do it, I would buy all that.

So I'm terrible.

How old is she now?

She 14.

She's 14 already?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

That just fucking made me feel so old.

Yeah, you went to see her as a baby.

Yeah, I came to to visit her in the hospital.

Oh, my God.

14 years ago.

But

I was saying, Q, like, I don't want anybody to think it was really crazy stuff.

I just meant like

patriotic stuff, but like, kind of crossing that line where people don't, or people aren't comfortable

with, like, mutilated terrorist bodies in Cooper's mouth or something.

Like, he has a Hitler mustache and he's shitting on the three stooges.

I mean, I guarantee by a day after this episode drops.

If we had it, like if I gave out the address of the Instagram.

Well, I'm telling you right now, and some ant right now is making it.

Without a doubt.

I got to tell you, Brandon, the BS Jet,

BS Jet, I think his name is on Twitter.

This dude is like a master Photoshopper.

He's doing this series of Walt in the World, and it's like you and all these different places you'll never go because you won't fly.

It's fucking pretty amazing.

Yeah.

The shit he does.

Check it out.

Yeah, he's really good.

Yeah, you've seen, like I said, just to touch upon you.

It's been 14 years.

You know, you saw her on that first day.

I tell you what,

there's a lot of things I'm proud of.

One of the things I'm so proud of is

she is one of the toughest kids.

Yeah.

Like, tell her, like, tell her, like, it's like, tell them why.

I mean, like, it is so, like, I'm so

blown away by her, like, how you know.

Oh, yes.

I'm like, so like, impressed, and I'm like, my God, I'm like, how do you, I'm just so blown away by her, like, her level of like mental and physical strength.

Uh, some parents may boast of their child, like excelling at, say, baseball, right?

Or,

like, you know, like, what, like, light years ahead of other people in science class.

We're eating dinner at Ritten Rod,

and he just out of nowhere.

And what I, what I was really impressed was how

she was not embarrassed in the least by his proud monster of how she's able to vomit.

When she's sick and just shake it off like it was nothing.

She'll just be like, she'll just throw up like a bucket full of vomit and just like wipe her mouth and fucking strut off like John Wayne, like it ain't no sick.

That's pretty cool.

She says, I can't do it.

He can't do it.

Yeah, he was going out and out like he's a baby and he would lay there in the fetal fetal position, but she's just like,

and then it's just like, whatebs.

Yeah, because I mean, I've just seen her when she's when she's sick.

I really am kind of like in awe because I know that

when I'm feeling nauseous,

there is no worse feeling in the world for me.

I guess I have a phobia of it.

I don't know what it's called, but I have a phobia of throwing up.

And it's something I dread and think about a lot.

And if I feel it coming on, it makes me

horny.

Not horny.

It makes me very

stressed out and sweaty and like

I'm terrified.

I'm terrified of it.

Like nothing else on this earth.

So when I see her just blow it off like it's nothing,

I'm impressed.

And I tell her.

I tell her like I'm proud of her.

Really, it seems like she's like, I mean, I guess it's good that he's proud of me, but now he's telling his friend who I hardly know, and we're eating dinner.

But she's, like I said, she's cool.

Like, she didn't give a fuck.

Like, a lot of kids that age would be like mortified.

You know, their father bringing this up, like, hey, man, she vomits like it's nobody's business.

Like, she could be like an Olympic vomiter.

Yeah, yeah.

She's that tough.

I wish she would take the gold.

She's tougher.

I've told her many times, and

this is not something you probably, you know, not a lot of fathers say this, but like, I tell her, you're tougher tougher than me.

Yeah, she's like, no shit, Shirley.

She's like, you got defeated by a sandwich.

Yeah.

Yeah, you almost threw yourself out of a moving limo because

it's

emetophobia.

That's what I have?

Emetophobia.

I'm guaranteed I have it.

Yeah, that's what I have.

You never had any form of it, even a little bit of it?

Phobia that causes overwhelming intense anxiety pertaining to vomiting.

Yeah.

The anxiety level is through the roots.

I always feel better after I vomit, so I always welcome it.

Yeah, I know that I agree that that happens too, but

it's beyond explanation.

It's terrifying for me.

And the anxiety is

horrible.

I don't even know when the last time I have.

I threw up

Thursday.

Really?

Yeah, and I welcomed every fucking up-chuck.

But I do get sweaty.

I do get that sheen of sweat.

That vomit sweat that coats you.

It is disgusting.

Yeah, it's literally going to get that, man.

It's beyond anything I can explain.

I can't even explain the level of dread and

I guess just anxiety is the only word.

Like,

I become a mess.

I become spaghetti.

You wouldn't want to see it.

It would be embarrassing.

I would not want to see it.

I don't ever want to see you upset with me.

And, you know,

as I tell my wife, that, you know, don't anybody care about me?

As I'm lying in the bathroom,

laying in the bathroom floor as everybody ignores me.

Like, what are you supposed to do?

Like, in your mind.

Like, I don't know, pat my head with a wet rag or something, or tell me

I'll be all right.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

But, dude, like, he's closing in on 50 within months.

And he's got a 14-year-old girl being like, you're not going to die, dude.

You're a little nauseous.

I mean, for fuck's sake, how much can be expected of this girl?

You're a family, bro.

But you know what?

The whole time, the only thing I said that I noticed got a sideways glance from Walt was I recommended a band to his daughter.

I was like, you know, who you might want to check out is Godspeed You, Black Emperor.

I said, I bet you would like that band.

And I could see on his face.

Now, most of it, it doesn't even have lyrics.

It's just

a mess.

I don't know.

I didn't know what it was.

I thought it was some sort of like

satanic metal or something.

Or you wouldn't be into it if she was into that?

I know.

The hypocrisy is

crowded.

No, I don't think.

I know I listened to satanic music as a kid growing up, and I always had the mentality of like,

come on, give me some more credit.

I'm not a fucking idiot.

I realize it's bullshit and it's all theater and it's all make-believe.

But there's something different, though, about

my kid who, you know, I raised and seen as a sweet little innocent kid listening to satanic music.

It just, I don't, I'd prefer her not to be exposed to it.

But the shit she's listening to is probably worse than the cartoony satanic shit.

Like, because it's like like, dark, sort of, like, emo introspective shit about

suicide, every song's about fucking.

That's what she's listening to.

That's what the

Dahlenger is about, right?

You said all of her songs are like down and depressing.

Well, yeah, it's emo.

But why?

But, like, emo to me is just, you know, that's just a natural thing.

I think we were into emo before it was ever called emo.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I think, I think all, I think all.

Synthetic emo.

I mean, long before it was labeled emo, I think everybody's listened to music that has lyrics that connect with them.

Yeah.

About, you know,

did you like Pearl Jam?

I mean, there are some lyrics in there that I would consider emo-esque.

Yeah, I was a casual Pearl Jam guy.

The hits.

What about, I mean, Tom Petty must have some lyrics that connect with you, right?

About

every concert.

Is there any lyrics?

I mean,

going again, like June 17th.

Performed by an emo band, could those songs, could they be considered?

Yeah, I mean, I'm not,

man, I always like classic rock, so I'm not really.

I'm trying to find something here.

Yeah, I don't know if we listened.

What would we have listened to that?

I think anything, no, I thought anything that is, that, uh, that

emo is like

examines emotions.

No,

I don't think that's emo.

Emo is like examines emotions, but in like a whiny pussy.

Well, what it's become now

so different and the world is so dark and fucking I'm an unique individual and nobody understands me.

You don't think that there was something for the week?

That was Prague.

What?

That was Prague.

Prague?

Prague rock?

Yeah.

Get the fuck out of here.

Like ever since Impalmer.

Some of the things that they were singing about?

What were they singing about?

Emotions.

Well, it's not the subject, it's the way you approach it, right?

Because Metallica sings about emotions, but they're not a fucking

fucking

crybaby.

But it's just what you're talking about a genre of music, though.

You're just talking about the way it's performed, or you're talking about

the end result, though, is about emotions.

That's why it's called emo.

It's about getting in touch.

It's about being,

not feeling you belong anywhere.

Right.

And that has been a staple of rock music

since the dawn of rock.

Yeah, but rock music does it like

a little bit more ballsy, like

I don't belong anywhere, but fuck you, I belong in rock and roll.

Like, that's rock.

Emo's like, I don't belong anywhere, and I'm getting triggered.

And like, oh, fuck that.

Oh, I don't think he's going to be.

You could be a singer-free.

Oh, God, everything's fine.

Oh, God, I can't do it.

Oh, somebody help me.

Somebody took me to task in Pittsburgh, too.

Uh-oh.

Yeah, it turns out that this 100% true story was posted on Reddit.

Oh, boy.

I berated somebody there.

Walt, I don't know if you saw this.

I hope not, because it would be embarrassing.

Somebody wrote a fake story about you?

No, this is real.

This really happened.

Wait, is this a waitress situation?

Could be.

I was walking along carrying a bag of goodies when I see the legend himself, Brian Johnson.

I was so starstruck, I didn't know what to say.

And he was walking towards me.

I held out my hand and said, hi, big fan of yours.

He walked by my extended hand and replies in a bored voice, always a pleasure to meet a fan.

Right away, I know this is not true.

That's the first time those words have ever come out of my mouth.

I asked if I could take a picture with him.

In the past, he told fans to take pictures, and he would gladly do it.

Plus, recently, he didn't like charging for pics.

And he told me where I could find him.

I took a selfie as he was walking away with just his back.

So he's an asshole.

Well, no, he took a picture of my back as I was walking away.

What does the matter?

He asked you to take a photo.

You said no for legitimate reasons, and he did it anyway.

Sure.

So that's an asshole.

So even away, even if this story is true, which we know it's not, no matter what happens after this, this person can go fuck themselves.

Okay.

And he hears the snap and sees the flash and turns around.

Was it a fucking old film camera?

It was like one of those powder, like, yeah, like I turn around, I'm in blackface and shit.

Are you that much of a cunt to take a picture of me when I ask you not to?

Go back to the pasture, you cow.

Now I'm starting to believe this.

He then walks away.

Now it's up to the listeners to decide if I deserve that.

The guy who said in the past that all you have to do is ask for a photo, then snapping at me like that seemed unfair.

I took it of him walking away and didn't flash him in the face like he complained about in the past.

Has Brian really let fame get to his head?

Well, I was on TMZ recently, so it's quite possible.

It's quite possible.

By the way, I met Walt.

He's literally the best guy ever.

Standing next to Walt felt like I was standing next to God.

He couldn't be nicer.

I guess Walt has a Reddit account.

If I could tell Walt one thing, it would be, you saved my life, buddy.

It's not even a good fucking.

Here's a dramatic reenactment of, oh, you did this?

Yeah.

It's a series of wide eyes.

It's a series of two photos.

The first is me walking away.

Oh, my God.

That's so fucking funny.

Go back to the pasture, you cow.

Oh my god, I want this on a fucking t-shirt, too.

I want you fucking that picture of you looking back with the white eyes

with the quotes underneath it.

Go back to the pastor, you cow.

Oh, somebody get me merch table on the phone.

Oh, that's funny.

Yeah, so evidently that happened.

Oh, that's funny.

Yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Yeah.

So

I guess that's that.

Oh, my God.

It's good to fucking be back, though.

It is.

What a long stretch it felt like.

We had my brother here.

You missed maybe one of the most,

what would you say, explosive endings to any Tell him Steve Dave.

Yeah.

Where he said that out of the three of us, Walt's the most normal one.

Okay.

Or only normal one.

I can't remember his exact words.

Only normal one.

Well, I wasn't here, so.

Right.

Well, he included you when when you were there.

He diagnosed you when you weren't here.

He listens to every episode.

What was his

diagnosis of me?

Depressive.

Oh, well,

yeah.

I mean, I felt like he said he said he felt sad for you sometimes, though, listening to you.

Oh, thanks, buddy.

You know, even though you tried to steal his wife at that barbecue, remember?

You were drunk.

Oh, we had a lovely time talking.

I didn't try and steal her.

She's a nice lady.

She is a nice lady.

Yeah.

But he's going to come back this summer.

Yeah.

And we're going to see if we can get a couple more people, maybe a little Sunday Jeff action,

get Frank Five.

But has he listened to recently on how happy I am?

Post-He's not caught up.

He's like, I think at like three,

twelve.

And I think he's just reinforcing the same things that you've said that you maybe

if you want to hear stuff that's bad.

You listen to stuff.

I'm going to go back and listen.

Yeah, I love what he said about me.

But he's coming back because

he's the greatest man.

Yeah, people liked him.

He's great.

And then what was funny is like he's here to talk about, like, you know,

Johnson family and shrink stuff because he's a psychiatrist there.

And suddenly Walt's taking him the task on global warm.

Like he's a fucking scientist or something.

Afterwards, he's like, I don't know what that had to do with anything.

He's great, your brother.

Did he tell the story about the one time he went evil?

Did you get that out?

That he went evil when he was hoping for actively praying for someone's death.

Oh, no.

You know what?

I forgot about that.

Oh, really?

Oh, okay, good.

We'll see.

That was funny.

Yeah, that was funny.

Nicest fucking guy.

The kindest, most compassionate person I've met in a long time.

I've got to wait till this guy to die.

Yeah, I think I saw him leave $5 to the skull.

Yeah, that was great.

So, yeah, that's it.

So we're going to try to be more regular.

I hate the.

Well, I mean, look, come on.

What are we going to do with this?

Everybody's trapped.

I was away, then you were away, then I was away.

It happens.

Are you back for a while?

Back?

You're back?

Okay.

I'm back.

No breaks anticipated for the.

I got it upcoming.

I already got it all ready.

Yeah.

Play it at a later date.

Create a new game called Out from the Mouths of Babes.

Out from the Mouths of Babes.

Or from the Mouth of Babes.

From the Mouth of Babes.

Is that what you say?

From the Mouths of Babes.

Okay.

Okay.

Babes like hotties?

No, children.

Okay.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

I want to tell you about a story that's true.

Please listen to my words, could happen to you.

I thought I had a girl who cared who I am.

But for my other love, she just could not stand.

Two words were spoken, I guess that was my dream.

Now she despised the dark that I lied to you.

It took all in all my sadness from my voice

to love me, no, I'm not the one that still

I watch them fly away with joints still in air.

I must seem so pathetic to a spaceman.

Now winds are still our travel, mastery I've found.

I live my life on planet earth where I'm bound.

It must be hard to find love among myself.

So

you tell the light is in your flying side

to old women with courage to say no.

I might be out of judge, but I don't stoop that long

Rise,

need to know.

Why get high,

remember it goes

down

and still

is

gone

Down to steal you're

true,

all facts to base

my choices

on

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