#330: Try the Veal

Hitler is still polarizing, to say the least.

I don't want to be in this bullshit boy band fucking group.

Edible underwear for children.

You're a genius.

Wait, wait, wait.

We're talking about that.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell Em Steve Dave.

There is no get him here today, which leads me to believe he's either not working or his mother finally finished him off and smothered him.

He got a lot of sympathy for that.

Yeah.

As he should.

I didn't like the way it overshadowed my joke about his C-section scar.

Like, nobody even mentioned it.

It was all like, oh, get him, get him.

Your mom tried to kill you.

You think you deserved more attention than that?

I don't know.

I thought it was pretty good.

To be fair, your parents have been slowly killing you for decades.

Like, why don't you get...

I get none of that.

I get none of that because I don't like keep it in my back pocket and just reveal it all of a sudden like he did.

No more Teflon left.

It's all fucking scratched away.

I'm just a regular old fucking pan.

Nobody cares about it.

Rarely do we have a guest here.

It would be accurate to say we stew guests.

A chew.

A stew.

A shoe?

Yeah, a shoe.

We shoe guests.

Yeah, we don't like guests.

But we like today's guest.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we do.

Very hunky.

Very sexy.

Very flexible.

Oh, limber.

Very limber.

Very younger.

There he goes.

Saw him with this.

I'm going to see how I'd bend backwards.

Joey Fatone.

Woo!

About time.

Can you believe it?

You know, believe it or not, thank you, all three of you.

It's amazing.

It's pretty amazing, though, because a lot of there have been many people out there that have been asking me to get on this show.

Yeah.

Legitimate, seriously, like no, no bullshit.

They're like, what are you going to do?

What are you going to do?

Come on.

I'm like, in due time, in due time.

So now is perfect timing.

Glad I'm here.

Thank you for having me.

When they stop turning me down, that's when I'll be on.

Exactly.

I think I lost a

bet with this, so it makes sense.

Walt Flanagan, big in sync fan.

Big in sync fan.

We came to blows one time

over.

He loved InSync.

I love Backstreet Boys.

Boy, you're a prick.

Yeah.

We had our hands around each other's throat, and then we came to blows, and he came first, all over me.

I guess he won.

Did you clean it up with a warm block?

No, you gotta do that.

It's respect.

No, he was like, now you clean it up with a fucking Backstreet Boy shirt, bitch.

You're gonna listen to boy Benz, Walt, right?

This is an icon in our midst.

Like, he's truly, like, I'm not even fucking around.

Like, he's iconic.

Yeah, right?

Thank you for fucking around.

I appreciate it.

You feel like I'm a hero, right?

You don't gotta say anything else.

You've walked down the street with this guy.

It's

women, he still has it.

You still got it?

You still got it?

People, no, because people walk and they say, you know, get an ante.

I'm like, okay, I'll do it.

I'll join it.

I don't know what the fuck that means, but I'll do the fucking antlers and shit.

And everybody cheers.

And I'm like, well, shit, I must be doing something right there.

There you go.

I like Walt's face.

I can see that, like, I'm trying to process.

People, how are you doing the absolute?

I've seen were you on were you the veal guy?

Yeah.

Are you talking about Hannah Montana?

Yeah.

Yes, I was.

That's okay.

You watch that show?

That's where I know you're from.

An episode of Hannah Montana, where I owned an Italian restaurant.

I was a pushed-up baseball player.

A veal guy.

And my name was Joey Vittolo.

And I wore an old LeMay elephant.

When I told her, I said, you know, for Miley, I said, she was the character.

And I said, you know, you know, you know,

Hannah Montana.

She's like, yeah, so we bring Hannah Montana here.

I want her to perform for me since you messed up.

I had to sign a baseball for somebody, for her brother or some shit.

So I'm wearing this gold legitimate outfit.

No, it was for her father.

Yeah.

Cut it straight in this one.

I've seen the episode about 100 times.

And basically I had it on the back of my back.

I wish I had the fucking outfit, though, because it literally says try the veal.

Yeah.

It was unbelievable.

Unbelievable.

When you walked in, he was like, holy shit, it's Joey Vitola.

There's the veal done.

Fuck you.

Yeah, my kids.

There's a whole lot about you right now.

No, my kids watched it

over and over and over and over.

And I must have seen the episode about 100 times.

Now, when you go home tonight and you're like, girls, Joey Vitola was on the show tonight.

Are they?

I don't know if they'd remember it, though, because I mean, I haven't watched it in so long.

They were really young when they were into it.

If you say the tag, try the veal,

they would.

They would, yeah.

Most of the kids remember that for some odd dumb.

Can I get a picture with you before we leave?

Sure, do a short video, and he's like, I'll say try the veal.

Oh, a little video.

Okay, yeah.

Okay, awesome.

Yeah,

daughters will be impressed for once.

It didn't work with Q.

One of the funniest things I ever saw Walt do.

Walt keeps his professional life and his private life very, very separate.

I know almost nothing about him.

He told his girls, he's like, you know, once they got into IJ, like, I know Q.

And they're like, yeah, right.

Like, this is also coming from over a decade each of him bullshitting them about like stupid stuff.

So he's constantly tricking them so they don't believe anything he says anymore.

And when we were in Big Apple Con or New York Con, remember Quinn was way in the background, Quinn or Sal, and you took a picture.

Oh, yeah.

He was at least what, like, 40 feet away.

That was your proof.

Look, I really didn't know.

Far away.

That was fucking funny.

Is there something in your career that you look back on and you're like, I shouldn't have done that?

There's a lot of things.

I mean, I'm not talking about, you know, burying girls in the Everglades.

No, yeah, no, no.

There were, like, when we first started out, there was a couple outfits that

was was fucking horrible.

We wore these outfits one time.

It was like, oh, they're giving you free clothes.

We're like, free clothes, cool.

And we were just starting out.

We weren't even signed to a record label.

And we were going to do like a photo shoot with the clothes.

Not knowing the clothes basically were like fucking clown clothes.

Thank God.

I got to find where I can surface these pictures because they have been buried.

And I'm not even kidding you.

They were like these jackets with these pants that were like green striped, pinstriped.

They were like fucking, it looked like clowns.

It looked like a clown outfit.

Legitimately like clown outfits.

And all five of us wore these different fucking outfits.

And it was absolutely horrible.

But there are ones out there that you can see.

There's a pleather, a red pleather long jacket I had because I thought it was cool.

No, look like shit.

I remember that one.

So

at the time that you got the clothes, though, like once you put them on,

were you guys like, we're hot shit?

Or did you immediately know that?

No, that was really shitty.

No, there were

a car.

Yeah, there were ones back in the day that we thought that we were hot shit were like the big Jenko jeans, the big peggy ones.

I heard they're coming back now, which is horrible.

But they're the ones that have the really big bell bottoms and the pants, you know, it comes tight in the waist, but they fucking frame out like almost like a snow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So

those were jeans that we used to wear all the time, too.

And meanwhile, back in the day, of course, we were a lot more skinnier.

So it literally looked like a dress that we were wearing.

Could this be in the era where you'd wear them backwards, too?

No, well, it was right after that.

Christopher Cross, Chris Cross

Jump was a little bit before.

But we didn't want to wear anything backwards because then that's more urban.

That's more hood.

We were white.

Hood.

I don't know what the money is, my friend, right?

That's what the money is.

So when you started out, like, you said you weren't signed yet.

So

how did it come together?

The crazy story, yeah, everybody knew somebody, which in one way, shape, or form in the group.

With me and Chris, we worked at Universal Studios.

I did the Beatle Juice Grave Review Show singing, and he did an a cappella group in front of the Mel's diner.

He was like this 50s do-up group.

So me and him knew each other, but I knew JC from the Mickey Mouse Club, which they shot and taped in Orlando.

So I knew Justin, and actually I knew JC.

And how it happened was Lou Perlman, who is the big guy that actually was starting to do Backstreet Boys, and maybe did them too.

But

he was the one who kind of created and did the audition.

They were out in Europe really starting to do stuff and they were signed.

So he wanted to do it again.

He's like, shit, if I could do that one time, I'll do it again.

So he called Chris up.

He found Chris.

I can't remember exactly how he knew Chris.

I think it was through how he believed it or not from the Backstreet Boys.

So he called Chris, said, Hey, if you can get a group together, because he didn't want to do the audition bullshit and stuff, he goes, if you can get a guy's group of guys together, I'll fund it.

So Chris went out on his own, called ahead, got a hold of Justin.

Justin got a hold of JC because them two, the Mickey Mouse Club was done.

They were starting to write music in Nashville.

Called them up, came back to Orlando.

I happened to be in a separate group without, you know, these guys.

It is actually some of the story some people may know, may not know.

But I was in another a cappella group with some people, and I knew them, and I happened to run into them at a club called 8-Track in Pleasure Island.

It used to be a bunch of clubs in Pleasure Island and Orlando.

It was like this little club thing for fucking Disney.

So I'd run into them.

So now the three of us are together, and they were like, well,

we want a member.

It was Justin, Chris, yeah, Justin, Chris, JC, and me.

And I just said, hey, you know, I'll give you an audition.

I gave him an audition tape.

It was fucking horrible.

But I said, hey, come and see what I do.

And I showed him a Beal Jew show.

They're like, oh, we like it.

So we want you in the group.

There was a kid named Brody that was in the group even before that.

They booted his ass out.

He became CNOT, though.

Brody was in a group called CNOTE that wasn't that big and popular.

They came out a little bit around on time.

They had like one hit, and then that was the end of it for them.

But when they got him out of the group, it was the four of us, and we were trying to look for a bass singer.

Because I'm not a bass.

And with the bass, we had this guy, Jason, a buddy of mine, who signed up to do it.

He was all for it.

We sang, we had rehearsals, we started doing this.

It was come time to sign the contracts.

He bailed out.

He goes, I don't want to be in this bullshit boy band fucking group.

It's going to be a bunch of freaking

New Kids on the Block.

I think the only story that's been told about this was on a VH1 Driven.

They actually interviewed him, too.

And they interviewed his dad as well because his dad was my chorus director in high school.

So Jason.

His dad's like, my son's an asshole.

Jason literally freaking said, Ah, fucking, I don't want to do it.

You know, new kids on a block, bubblegum shit.

I'm like, dude, in order to get where we need to get, we have to kind of give in a little bit.

Just like anybody, you know, you suck a dick or two every now and then

to get where you got to go.

So we got this podcast.

Exactly.

Now, put on this jean skirt.

So after that, Kevin's sticking in a suck himself.

So we were just like, oh, shit, what the fuck do we do?

So we literally met one or two guys and we're like, eh.

But Justin's old vocal coach out of Memphis used to train these kids.

There was a choral group called Attaché that was in Mississippi.

And they said, oh, I got this guy.

His name is Lance Bass.

He's 16.

He's got a really low voice for a 16-year-old.

So we called his mom up, tried to convince him.

His mom said no about two or three times.

Didn't want to even fly.

Say, hey, we'll fly him into Florida.

Think of it as a freaking free vacation.

We just want to hear you and meet you.

He comes in.

We bring him to a little club, see if he can dance a little bit.

We sing with him.

It sounds fucking amazing.

His low end killed it, and everything was really great.

Said, hey, we'd love to do this.

His mom was a little skeptical about it.

Finally, we signed.

We were together for about a year and and a half to two years, never signed a record deal.

Later on down the line, this is getting fucking boring, just let me know.

Later on down the line, Backstreet went from BMG Record Company to Jive.

So BMG didn't have a boy band anymore, per se.

Even though our manager was the same as manager as Backstreet, the manager came up and said, because he knew what was going on, said, hey, I got a band that can sing better and sometimes dance even better circles around Backstreet Boys.

They come out, they come to Orlando, two of these German guys, they look at us, they're like, can you change the name?

Out of the gate, we're like, why?

He's like, because Germans are not going to know how to pronounce in synth.

It's the way he said it.

We want you to change it to Hitler's voice.

How about that?

Scheiser on everyone's chest.

So it was so weird.

Literally, we went in, we sang, we performed for them the same fucking songs we were doing for two years.

And literally, like, we'll get back to you in a couple of months.

They leave.

Literally, a week later, they call us and say, hey, we'd love to sign you guys.

Come to Germany next week, and we're going to start doing a photo shoot and we're going to start recording.

That's kind of how it happened for us.

Then Brody's like, is it too late?

Yeah.

Brody and Jason.

Jason's like, come on.

So, what are those guys up to, Dino?

Are they alive?

Brody is alive.

He has a kid.

He's married.

I think he has two kids now.

He's married.

My boy, poor Jason, can't catch a fucking break.

No.

Yeah, he's been a little down at dumps just in general.

Well, he could catch a break.

He caught a break.

He just fucking threw the break on.

I'm sure he was better because the shitty part, too, is I still kept in contact with him.

And this is during our in-sync days.

We're in the height of our career.

And I'm like, dude, I haven't seen you in a while.

Why don't you come on over to my house?

He's like, fuck you.

No, he came, and it was really hard because literally no bullshit.

I was like, so here's my house that's on four acres of land and it's 10,000 square feet and here's my pool.

Right.

That's 146,000 gallons.

He's like, it's great.

Do you have Cab Fair?

You know, and you feel, yeah, I felt bad.

I did it.

Did it make you feel big?

I was like, yeah, I felt a little guilty, but I was like, after that, I was like, fuck you.

You said no.

Right.

You know?

It kind of sucked, but it was like, dude.

That's what you should have just led with, assumed that he was sick.

Yeah, he was the sixth beetle, basically.

It's worse, though, because at least Pete Best got fired.

You know what what I mean?

Yeah, Jason Quit.

Yeah, like he said no.

He had it, and it was like, nah, I think I'll do this instead.

Horrible.

I saw Behind the Music where the original guitarist for Poison left like a month before they hit.

And you could always look at it and be like, the same with this guy.

Like, would it have been the same group if he stayed?

Like, if Lance Best didn't come in, you know, it might have been.

Yeah, you never know.

Yeah, exactly.

You're right.

You never know.

Look at that.

Only why the gays would have hated us, but now they love us because he's gay.

Why would the gays have hated you?

I'm kidding.

I'm just making a joke.

What did you do to to the gays?

No, but meaning, you know, every boy band supposedly has a gay in the group.

Right.

And they can relate.

You know what I mean?

That's a myth.

100%.

Yeah.

But you, you guys had one.

What?

He's David Lance.

Oh, yeah, he's gay as they come.

But he wasn't gay.

He came out after the group was.

He came out.

Yeah, he was nervous about the whole thing, though.

He was just, it was around, of course, around that time where I don't want to say anything to jeopardize the group.

He was very nervous about that.

Very, very scared about that because it's like, God forbid, if that comes out and people, and I guess he was thinking more towards a negative, but I think it could have actually helped

a lot, I think.

And

it's great that we, you know, of course, when he came out, you know, we supported him and whatever the case may be.

Dude, we're there for you, bro.

And he was just nervous about the whole thing.

I don't know why, but it was really weird.

Was he slaying man-ass on those tours?

Mayonnaise or man-ass?

Was he like doing that version of it just with like dudes?

He, well, believe it or not, no, he had a girlfriend.

He used to date Daniel Fischel way back from Boy Meets World.

Oh, I never saw it.

She played Topanga.

Oh, I've heard of it.

Oh, yeah.

I knew.

me.

Of course, Waldos.

I'm sorry, I had to talk about that.

Yeah, yeah.

It was the guy who was

Wonder Years, right?

Wonder Years.

Well,

it was that idea, but it was actually Fred Savage's brother

who was in Boy Meets World.

And it just came out a while ago.

It was a Disney.

It was like Kid Meets World or something.

They were all parents now.

But he used to date her.

And

that was in the late 80s?

No, the 90s.

90s.

It was the 90s.

Yeah.

Yeah, the Wonder Years was 80s.

Okay.

Yeah, late 80s.

That was was with Danica.

Yeah.

And it was so interesting because we were like, we kind of had an idea that he was, and we didn't know if he really 100% was.

And then finally, I actually was the first one to find out.

I walked kind of in on him per se.

So what happened was, is, yeah, he was, we were out drinking at a club.

I know it's crazy.

I was drinking at a club.

I'll tell you the shit.

You want to hear?

Endless.

But we were at a club, and we all went out and party.

We were all getting freaking drunk, and we get back to his house, and his house was literally real close to my house.

It was like maybe about a mile away.

So we were hanging out, and I was like, oh, fuck, I got hammered.

I passed out in one of his guest bedrooms.

I wake up at like three or four o'clock in the morning.

I'm like, fuck, I need to get home.

So I go to his room, I knock on his door, and I'm like, hey, he's not there.

The fuck would I go?

I went outside in his backyard by his pool.

He's not there.

What the fuck?

I go to his other guest room.

Look at him.

Not there.

I open up and open up the door, look in his office.

He's sitting on a big chair with a guy straddling him.

Now they're clothed, thank God.

But I walk in, I opened up the door.

I was like, hey,

let me know when you're done.

I got to go.

And as I start to close the door, he's like, hey, come on in.

Nothing's happening.

And I'm like, you sure?

He's like, yeah, he's like, surprise.

And I'm like, not really.

Yeah.

But I was like, the first thing I came upstairs, I said, dude, your mom's going to kill you.

So first thing I said, I said, your mom's going to fucking flip, you know, Christian woman Bible book,

living in Mississippi.

I said, he's like, hey, he's like, just don't tell the guys.

I'm going to tell them on my own time.

And this was pretty much when we were doing, I think,

our last tour.

It was right around our last tour, if I'm not mistaken.

I think it was.

Or Pap Odyssey.

I can't remember.

It was the stadium tour, the Pap Odyssey, or the other one.

But it's all a fucking blur.

But it was interesting interesting to like him, was like, hey, don't talk to my dude.

I'm like, I love you, bro.

I don't love you, but I love you.

Yeah, don't get carried away.

I'm not going to make that with me.

But I'm not going to, you know, and I was like, I'm not going to say shit, man.

You do your own time, man.

And that's kind of how that whole thing went down.

It was interesting.

And were the other guys, once they found out, were they a little bit like, why would you tell Fatone and not us?

Well, yes, and no, I mean, because I kind of found out in a weird way.

It wasn't like you just told me.

But I think Chris was really kind of hurt the most because he didn't know anything about it.

And he was doing a radio talk show, like a morning talk show for a couple days

with people in Orlando.

And literally, there is a, the People magazine came out and it says, I'm gay.

And he literally,

so many people from the place that literally, while he's on the mic talking, dropped the magazine right in front of him.

And Chris looked down at it like, what the fuck?

I had no idea.

He's like,

but then he started asking him questions and he had no idea what to say or anything else.

He was kind of put on the spot a little bit.

And it was kind of like,

so he was a little bit bent out of shape of that, but everything's cool now.

I mean, we dashed it out and talked it.

Well, it was also an interview with him.

It wasn't like TMZ, where it's like, oh, he's got a couple of people.

No, no, no, it was a whole interview.

Yeah, it was a whole interview about it.

And, you know, he was very scared about it.

And there was another guy that he was dating at the moment that was like a celebrity as well.

And he wanted him to come out because he was like, hey, I want, you know, I love you.

I want to show people who my boyfriend is and everything else.

And it took him a lot of courage to do that.

But it was funny because a minute after that happened, he broke up with him.

He was like, fuck you.

Yeah, I would have been failed.

See you.

But

it was men of sense.

Yeah.

You know, men, you know?

All this fucking animals.

Animals.

Good God.

So

you know him from all his bit, his little parts in

kids.

And kids shows.

But nothing about insanity.

Did you ever see what I did to Wiggles?

Didn't see that one?

Oh, we used to watch the Wiggles constantly.

I did the Christmas one.

I sang Oh, Holy Nighted, if you remember that

one.

That was an Australian group, weren't you?

Yeah.

I did the American.

Australia?

No, no.

We shot it.

We shot in New York, actually.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, it was a green screen for me.

Was it with the original Wiggles or was it the best?

No, original Wiggles.

Yeah, Wake Up Jeff and everybody.

Oh, Wake Up Jeff was there.

Yeah, Jeff was it.

Jeff.

Wake Up Jeff.

People that are younger have kids that know the Wiggles, people know who the hell these people are.

Mind you, I actually have a Wiggle.

Did you meet the pirate?

Fuck yeah.

Captain Featherstore did.

Dorian Dinosaur or something?

Dorothy the dinosaur.

I actually had all of them come to my house one time.

The tour bus pulled up.

No, shit, you're not.

Tour bus pulled up.

I said, hey guys, if you have a day off, you're here in Orlando, come by my house.

I love it.

I had no kids at my house because I didn't want to deal with that shit.

I was like, dude, you guys relax and be yourself.

All of us hung out.

All adults hung out.

We ate.

We drank.

And they smoked.

Weed the wiggles, please.

No, I woke up with an amazing drink.

But I used to ask stories about that.

And it's funny to kick you off.

When you wake up Jeff, they used to fucking, like, like kids, like teenage kids, used to go to his house and fucking ring his doorbell and start screaming, wake up Jeff.

Like three or four o'clock in the morning, wake up, Jeff.

But Jeff gave me an honorary.

I got a belt, a wiggle belt.

You know the belt buckles that they had?

They gave one to me.

I was like, that's right.

I thought it was cool.

Oh, yeah.

You guys said nothing unless you hung out with a fucking wiggle.

Honorary wiggle.

Forget the stadiums where it's fucking like as far as the eye can see.

And he could just be like, boom, point somebody out.

She's mine.

Like, you know, a wiggle belt.

Hell yeah.

I was singing hot potato all day long.

Yeah.

He just won Waltova.

I've never seen somebody win Waltovas.

Time to make the salad.

I did, yep.

Fruit salad, yummy yummy.

Yeah.

I was texting with somebody today, and I said, Joey's going to do the show.

And they were like, you really seem to like him.

You don't really like anybody.

And I said, that's because I hate everybody, too.

I said, yeah.

But then she goes, but it seems like everybody likes him.

Like,

he's like the Ralph Macchio of

the music world, right?

Like, he's the nice guy.

Everybody likes him.

Yeah, I don't know anybody that doesn't like him.

He's just such a good idea.

I'm always happy to go look at him.

You're like a big kid.

I am.

Fuck.

Yeah.

That's

all our big kids in this.

Yeah, but no, because I've never seen you not enthusiastic about whatever's in front of you.

You hang around a little longer.

You'll find it.

Yeah, I know you have it.

You're a human.

And we've only been friends a couple of years now, but every time you hung out, you're like, this is awesome wait what's that this is awesome wait what's that this is awesome and i've never met anybody and i've i've said this so many times more generous in giving of their time than you to fans people come up to you you never are like i don't want to do this you're always like

and think about it i've been doing it now for almost 20 years yeah you just don't get tired of it how crazy is that shit yeah unbelievable yeah you know what i think just you know just like i think any of us in a sense or just myself too but just in general is the way you're raised you know in a sense like i've had one time where my mother literally fucking smacked me off the back of the head one time.

We were at a Benny Hannah's, and some lady

across the way at another table was like, Hey, do you mind if I take a picture?

I said, You know what?

I don't mind doing that, but after you guys are almost done eating, we just sat down.

I was like, After you're done eating, let me know.

I'll walk outside and I'll take a picture with you.

Sure, reasonable.

Yeah, well, fuck.

I would walk outside with you.

I didn't say, Hey, come to me and take the fucking picture.

I'll walk outside.

But then, all of a sudden, one of the girls is taking pictures the whole time we're sitting there eating, and they're still sitting over there.

And I'm like, It's fucking rude.

Just said, I'll take the picture with you.

Like shrimp in midair.

Exactly.

It's like legitimate, yeah, exactly.

They're taking those pictures.

And I'm like, all of a sudden, the lady comes over.

She's like, oh, could we take that picture now?

And I was like, you know what, ma'am, I've never been really that rude.

I said, but your daughter was taking pictures the whole time.

After I even said, I'd be more than happy to.

After you're done eating, I'd be more than happy to walk out because we just sat down.

And she's like, well, no, he didn't.

I said, yeah, go look at your daughter's phone.

And she's like, now you're in an argument.

Yeah, exactly.

And then she's like, oh, no.

And all of a sudden she walked out.

My mother Lily smacked me off the back of the head.

She goes, you get your ass out there right now and you take that fucking picture.

And I went,

and I went out.

So, I mean, it's like those things that can be kind of

only a couple of years ago.

Oh, yeah, my mother was thinking nothing about taking a fucking umbrella, a broom, a stick, and beating the shit out of me.

One time I was at my house, I got hammered.

I kicked everybody out of my house.

I had a big pool party.

And I was yelling at people.

I was like, ah, you leave, but you can stay.

You leave.

I went and hid in my garage for like 10 minutes to cool down because I was fucking, and some pissed me off, and that's why I was kicking her, but I was hammered.

I walked out.

Here she comes running with a fucking shoe hitting me.

You stop it, you son of a bitch.

What's wrong with you?

Joey, go cut me a switch.

Exactly.

Oh, fuck, whatever she can find.

Belt.

I've gotten hit with everything.

Plungers.

Bricks.

Are you kidding me?

Everything.

But, you know, I guess just being, I don't know.

It's so funny because I've seen people come and go in this industry to where they're, you know, on top of the world and they're amazing.

And you see that, and you want to emulate that.

But then you see the people that are on top of the world are fucking dicks.

You know, I mean.

Oh, we know some of of them.

I had one where I just it crushed me because of just the persona that I had of this person.

Yeah.

And God rest his soul now that he passed away, though.

But Prince.

Really?

That motherfucker.

I had one time where we were at, it was the height of our career, MTV Awards.

We got like, we won like seven awards there, something like that.

That day, we had a party with Nellie.

It was Nellie and Insync's party.

It was this big gambling kind of fun little casino party thing.

And it was a VIP area.

It was upstairs, and we were looking down at everything.

Literally, Buster Rhymes, TLC was there.

Prince came in.

You name it, basically everybody, all the names were there.

Prince was there.

It was a balcony area.

It was a VIP.

Only for the VIP, only celebs were in there.

This is back when you had the wind-up cameras.

I had that shit.

I was taking pictures.

So he's there and he was talking to somebody.

So I was like, let me wait.

I'm going to wait until he finished talking.

I'm going to go up and say, you know, can I take a picture, Prince?

Wait and wait and wait.

And finally, he stops talking.

He's standing there by himself looking over the balcony.

I'll walk up and say, hey, Prince, some.

And he knows who you are definitely i don't know because he didn't say anything okay this is how this is how fast this shit went hey prince you know i'm always a big fan i really appreciate it

i go do you mind if i take a picture with you he goes no i'd rather not and turn away as if to talk to somebody else

like that fucking quick hey gotta take a picture no i'd rather not turn

oh man that sucks i was like what the fuck i was like it just crush when there's nobody i could see the people mobbing him or something else like that it's kind of one of those things where you're like dude it was just me and you standing there i could see if you didn't have your makeup on or anything else like that, but no, he was fine.

Look good.

You just grabbed him by the neck and be like, you're taking a picture, you fucking shrimp.

I interrupted her.

Hell yeah.

I was like, hey, can I take a bit?

He's like, I rather clicked.

I was like, I don't give a fuck.

He's in mid-talk too.

He's like,

it's fantastic.

I mean, like, that kind of, like, those kind of things you just, you know, you got to take advantage of.

Say, fuck it.

I don't care.

So, did he know you took the picture?

Oh, hell yeah.

Oh, no, flash and all.

Flash and all.

I got a copy of it.

It's hilarious because he's like, he's got that face, like, he's about to say no.

And he's like, no.

Well, he's really the face is, I already said no.

It was a security face.

You're like the Betty Hannah girl.

You're just thinking no better than the fucking Betty Hanna girl.

Pissed me off so bad.

But yeah, like that.

Only a few things ever pissed me off before.

I tell the hamburger story where we were starving one time.

I was really fucking hungry.

And I had we were doing a thing for Best Buy.

And it was those Best Buy bobbleheads that we had.

And we go, and

I'm starving.

I'm like, dude, I haven't eaten all day.

We did all this press stuff.

We're doing this, dude.

And I was running around.

I was like, shit, can you order me a burger?

I'll meet up in the room.

We'll get makeup on.

We'll go downstairs.

We'll do the photos and everything for all these people.

So all of a sudden, I get in there.

I'm the last person to get into that room.

And everybody's all in there.

They're getting makeup done, hair, and shit.

So I go in.

I'm like, ah.

Open up the thing.

Half the burger's eaten and half the fries are gone.

Now, you don't, you never see me mad.

I don't get mad.

I'm not a mad person.

Don't fuck with my food.

Don't fuck with my food.

That's one thing you don't do.

Like, if I'm eating it, don't fuck with my food.

I go, who ate the burger?

Nobody says anything.

Everybody's like, I look at Justin.

He's like, I don't know.

Because I didn't do anything.

Lance was like,

no, God, don't talk to me.

I didn't need nothing.

And I was like, who the fuck ate have the burger?

And they're like, all right, we got to go downstairs.

I go, I'm not going downstairs.

They're like, what?

I'm not going downstairs.

The kids, the burger is still open.

The first time that I've ever put my foot down, it has to be about fucking food.

I go, I'm not going anywhere.

I'm starving and I didn't get a hamburger.

They're like, are you fucking kidding me?

Our tour manager, Dave Brown, comes up.

He's like, come on, Joe, you got to come downstairs.

I'm like, I'm not going downstairs.

Fuck you.

Until I get a hamburger.

I'm not going anywhere.

You four guys go, go right ahead.

I'll sit here and eat, and I'll meet you downstairs.

Like, no, you're supposed to be done.

I don't care.

Johnny Wright, my manager, comes up, starts talking to me.

I'm not fucking going down there.

They could have just, in all this time, they could have just put the order in for the burger.

No, it was, it happened pretty quickly.

It wasn't that long of a time, but it happened fairly quickly.

And they were like, no, no, no, no, no.

Finally, I was like, you know what?

Fuck it.

Okay, I'll go down.

Fine.

But before that, I was like, who the fuck ate it?

Justin ate half of the burger and Chris ate half the fries.

I was like, you know what?

No, fuck.

He's going to be dead.

What a dick.

Did they at least announce it?

They're like, ladies and gentlemen, there's going to be a delayed trouble.

Joey Faton was hamburgled.

It's funny because you would think, like, if you normally aren't the guy that's like, where's this burger?

You think the one fucking time you're like, come on.

Yeah.

You think people would be like, he never asked, he doesn't fucking bother.

No, exactly.

They even said they're like, he never gets mad.

Why is he so mad about this?

I was like, I'm fucking hangry, maybe.

But here's the funny part.

Nine o'clock in the morning the next day, I get a knock on the door.

Room service.

I open up and there's 10 hamburgers.

You son of a bitches.

So that was the funny payoff for them fuckers.

But yeah, Justin went and ordered 10 hamburgers to my room.

That's good.

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Back to the show.

If you had, let's say that

you guys are hanging out, and Singh's hanging out like today, right?

And

you go out on the lake, like in a rowboat, or maybe the river.

And I expected that.

Yeah, the current carries you away, and it turns out you got to make a Sophie's choice.

There's not enough hamburgers for all you guys, so somebody's got to go overboard.

Who are you tossing?

It's got to be JT, right?

It's got to be.

Fuck you, man.

It might be JT, but I don't know.

It's a toss-up.

Maybe JC or Justin.

I don't know.

Justin's like, JC's like the guru.

He's like, I call him Dalai Lama.

He's very Zen.

Yeah.

Everything is everything.

He won't mind.

Yeah, exactly.

He'll be the one that goes, you know what?

I'll do it, guys.

I'll give myself up for you and jump off.

He probably fucking would.

He's very Zen.

Very Zen.

He was like the more.

He looked the most street.

He looked the most urban, right?

He had like the facial hair.

That was Chris.

Chris had the one with the pineapple head, we like to call him.

He had the dreads, the weird white and black.

Yeah.

You never met him, that fucking guy.

No, he's great.

He's a good guy.

He was here.

Crazy.

It's great.

That was a long time ago.

It was a long time ago.

Oh, it's when you shot, didn't you do something or something like that?

Yeah.

He told me about that.

He's like, how do you know Q?

How do you know?

It's like, because I'm nicer than you is what I told.

You are?

He was nice.

He was nice, but

he invited us down.

He was like, anytime you want to come to Orlando, why weren't we born in Orlando?

We could have been born in a boy band.

You could have been in a middle.

You were in a boy band.

You know?

You wanted to be a tap dancer, so

you could have fucking, you would have had the moves.

He was a good dancer, man.

I just like the sound of tap dancing.

Maybe because I have a little bit of autism.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

So the sound of tap dancing.

What is it, like a clucking noise where like a fucking dolphin, you start moving and shit in the top?

Are you talking about me?

It was very calming, though.

Very calm.

There's something about it.

It mystified me as a kid, though, when I would see people tap dancing in the noise because I couldn't see, because their feet weren't moving to the sound.

Right.

You're like, how the hell are they doing that?

Yeah.

That's why I want to be a tap dancer.

So that was it?

It wasn't because you never even said that.

I didn't know it was because it calmed you.

I didn't say calm me.

It just made me question, like, how is it possible that their feet don't look like they're moving as quickly as much sound is coming out.

So I was always,

like I said,

whatever I was doing as a little kid, if tap dancing was on television, I would stop whatever I was doing and just stare at it

trying to figure it out.

That's all I'm saying.

I'll get Alfonso Robert to come around.

He tap dances so he can show you.

Not a lot of people tap dance anymore, right?

There's people, but, you know, can't make you living at it anymore.

Unless you're maybe on Broadway for some sort of show, like 42nd Street or some shit.

That would be the only one, really.

It's not over for you, dude.

But not a lot of celebrities are big just back in the day.

Yes.

Probably not.

I'm sure that a lot of people, if they've tried to do the

triple threat, if I can talk,

they probably have taken tap before.

I mean, I even tried it one time.

I'm like, I'm good.

Too hard?

Yeah, that shit's fast.

That's not easy.

It's not.

Your feet are going like a mile a minute, you know, like a little shuffle-hop step is easy.

But then when they're doing like all this other shit and it's like

and you're able to do that with your

Gregory Hines type shit, where he's like just tearing it up.

That's right.

Would that be the last great tap dancer?

Last one I can think of.

There's another one, Sevion Glover.

I want to say there was a guy that was, I think, even apprenticed by Gregory Hines.

Don't ask me why the hell I know this.

But it was another young cat that actually came out to that.

There's actually

people, there's two guys, they're twins that are out in Vegas that are really good.

Believe it or not,

there's a show called Absinthe that's out there.

Have you ever seen Advent?

Yeah, I've seen Absinthe.

Okay, they have every once in a while, they'll do different acts.

There's twin brothers, these two guys that do it.

It's really good.

Actually, they're tap dancing.

I've seen them.

They got to get to a state where they can then be build as the headliner in a movie like Gregory Hines was.

Remember, he was a cop.

Yeah, but in Running Scared.

But he didn't tap dance in the movie.

No.

It was him and Billy Crystal.

No, I think he did.

No.

The only time he ever really tap danced was History of the World.

When he goes to Sands, the African Shim Sham.

Shandancer.

That's the Ethiop.

He was a hoofer.

Yes.

But he got, but that's how he got that's how he got the acting gigs, right?

From being known as the tap dance kid.

I hope so.

Well, that's how, believe it or not, Alfonso Ribera, he was a tap dance kid.

It was a show on Broadway.

And that's how he became what he became and did the Pepsi commercial with Michael Jackson and doing all that stuff.

And then got into Silver Spoons and then became Carlton as the fresh principal here and did that dance.

Well, you were on Dancing with the Stars.

Yes.

Was that an option?

Like you could tap dance if you wanted to?

It could have been if you wanted to do something.

Now you could probably do a half that shit.

When we did it, I was doing season four.

They're up to like season 26 now, I think, or some ridiculous thing.

You should do it, Q.

That'd be great.

They asked us, they asked us, they asked one of us to do it, and

I was just like, I'm not doing it.

I don't have the fucking time for this.

But I think Sal wanted to do it, but we're out of schedule right now.

Yeah,

because it's a commitment, man.

Well, that's the thing.

A lot of people do take time off, and some don't.

And it's amazing.

I don't know how the people did it because I legit took time off to do it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They asked me the very first season, I turned it down.

They asked me second season, I turned it down.

I looked at the numbers, they're like, how many people are watching this?

About 14, 15 million.

So fourth season, I finally did it.

And it was grueling, man.

It was definitely, it was weird because I did a lot of hip-hop dancing.

So I never did ballroom or ballet, really, per se, or Latin, or any of that kind of shit.

So to get in there, it was like teaching an old dog new tricks to retrain my brain and do certain things that I've never done before.

Would you do it?

The offer comes up.

They're like, we need one of the comic book, men.

No, you know Ming's going to go for it right away, regardless.

But they're like, no, no.

I can sing Ming.

Not him.

Would you do it?

Because you have to, they train you, right?

They'll teach you.

They have your professional dancer.

You know, mine was Kim Johnson.

We went out there and they go, okay, well, here's a song, and we're going to break things down.

And they teach you as if you're like four years old when you first started out.

Your arm goes here, your leg goes there, you do this to see if you actually have a rhythm.

If you have rhythm, then you can pick things up a little bit faster.

I was able to pick things up a little bit quicker, of course, but there were just certain things and technique-wise that I had no, and you're getting critiqued on it.

That's a whole nother thing, that's a whole nother level.

Because when I was dancing with N6, nobody's going, oh, his arm was wrong, or hey, his leg, no one gave a shit.

Here, it's your posture, your arm, your body, your legs.

Are your feet doing rise and fall?

Are they going up and down?

And also, like, crap.

So, technique's real important.

How many hours

per week?

Five hours a day.

So, 20, so 20 hours a week, easily

before each taping of a show.

Well, it was, it was nerve-wracking because, like, the first the first time you go on that show, you usually have a week or two weeks that usually you're able to learn.

They start learning you the basics before they even announce, you know, Danny.

It actually just started yesterday, Monday, whatever it was, this Monday, whatever.

It's like the new season.

But after the person gets kicked off, and we used to do Mondays and Tuesdays, and Tuesdays, whoever got kicked off, that person got kicked off.

You would get your music that Tuesday.

The choreographer would teach or learn it in their head or whatever they want to do.

Wednesday, you'd start learning.

By Thursday, you should have it somewhat down because then they want to shoot a wide shot of you to know where you're going to go so the cameras can do that because it's live.

Then on Sunday, you actually are able to get in the sound stage with a little tape recorder.

You're able just to get on the stage, at least to be familiar with the stage on Sunday.

By Monday, you still haven't heard the band yet.

You still haven't got your costume yet.

You get all that shit that day.

You run through the actual numbers with...

the orchestra just to get familiar.

Then you do a full dress run-through of everything where you're wearing the clothes for the first time.

and the second time you actually do the dance is live.

So, really, you're doing you rehearse three times legitimately on the Monday, but the last one is a live performance.

That is cool.

So, you literally learn the dance by Friday or actually Saturday.

You have to have it pretty much down pat by Sunday.

If you don't know it, you better get that shit real quick because Monday comes around, you're doing it live.

But, what about the people who can't grasp it?

They, well,

a lot of pros will dummy it down, or they'll just do a little more simpler steps.

They won't make it too crazy.

So it'll be like, you know, one, two, three, four, five, six, you point four times, and then you're going, you know, whatever the hell it may be.

So they keep it simple for them.

You'll start to see that.

But you see the people that know and are able to carry a tune or dance, they try to throw everything at them to see if they can pick it up fast enough.

And the more intricate and the more, you know, entertaining, obviously.

Yeah, more fun.

Who won the season that you were on?

Apollo Yoko Ono, as I like to call him.

Apollo Anton Ono.

He was a speed skater, Olympic speed skater.

He's got the most medals besides.

He had the longer hair?

Yeah, he did have longer hair at one time.

Yeah, yeah.

I've seen you on that, too.

He did, yeah, hey.

Were you the favorite?

I would imagine, Mark, because they were.

I came in second.

Oh, okay.

I came in second.

They don't bet on that, right?

Was there betting?

What was the line in Vegas?

There had to be, right?

I said, what was the line in Vegas?

There had to be one, right?

People bet on everything.

There was all that stuff, yeah.

I'm pretty sure they did.

I've never seen it, though, but that'd be pretty funny.

Did you feel that it was he legitimately, like that couple legitimately beat you?

And who was your partner?

Kim Johnson was mine.

Julianne Huff was his.

It was the first time Julianne ever came into this.

She was the first season.

So she was like, I think 16 or 17.

She was young, 17 or something like that.

But I think he, yeah, he did a great job because he's not even technically a dancer.

So it was interesting to see the progress from him.

For me, I progressed, but I think it was a bigger challenge for him.

And by the time when the top three, it was me, Layla Ali, and Apollo Antonoto was the top three.

After we made it to the top three, I was like, I don't care who the frick wins because my brain was fried by that time.

I didn't give a shit who won.

I was just like, as long as the show is over, I'm happy.

Because it's grueling.

It was grueling.

20 hours of dancing.

You must get in good shape, right?

Oh, hell yeah.

I dropped.

I went, I don't even know how much weight I actually lost, but I went from a 36 waist to a 32

in

like a month, month or two.

Wow.

I'm just going to fucking jitterbug for the next straight month.

It's crazy.

It's a great cardio thing.

And I was eating whatever the fuck I wanted.

Didn't matter.

More hamburgers.

Give me all those 10.

It didn't even matter.

It really did not even matter what I ate.

At first, I did like the Nutri System stuff, and it was actually good and stuff.

But after a while, I was moving and I was actually just every time they kept taking the pant size in every time, every time.

Because they measure you every time you go and, you know, when they do the costuming.

So that was really interesting.

I wish I can do that shit again.

I need to go dancing.

Yeah, you never answered.

Would you do it?

You can get the time off.

You want to try it, huh?

You're missing our millions.

It's like a million-dollar prize.

That was a sweet purse.

No, I wish.

I thought I would have cared to.

I'll say this.

It is, they do take care of you.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I will say that.

And the longer you stay, there's a little tear, and you go, the money goes up a little bit the longer you stay.

I don't even like talking in front of a crowd.

Do you think that I would dance in front of a crowd?

That's why it would be

like triumphant when you won.

Yeah, when you took down Joey Catona.

Just a sweet, autistic boy from New Jersey.

Incidentally, he was diagnosed by a listener who just emailed him.

Well, my daughter is on the spectrum, so I concur.

We got a second opinion.

How did you guys observe

World Down Syndrome Day?

You had the stash?

Yeah, what did you do?

Me and Giddam just, you know, just gave each other a knowing stare or just looked at each other and were like,

we can handle this.

We could do this.

That's not, you don't have Down syndrome.

You got to be clear on what you got.

You got the system for the Down syndrome.

I think I got a little bit of everything.

If you ask me, I think I got a little bit of everything.

Cocktail

conditions.

Meanwhile, Sage is like, what a poser.

So I was thinking of that.

Like, what if, what if, what if...

Well, what did you do?

With your...

Well, I had an idea.

I had an idea, but

you guys were too busy.

I wanted the Jokers to be standing there hanging out, right?

And then Sage walks in, and you guys are like, oh, a Down syndrome kid.

Let's put it out of its misery.

Right?

And then

you're about to stomp her out.

Yeah.

And Joey Fatone comes in.

Okay.

And he's like, whoa, guys, wait, wait up.

And then he tells you, like, no, people with Down syndrome, they can feel pain.

And they don't like getting stomped out.

And then, like, you guys learn.

He's like, this is no joke, impractical or otherwise.

Is that like one to know?

Yeah, exactly.

Do I feel bad about all the other Down syndrome kids that we've stomped or no?

Look, that's in the past.

You've learned a valuable lesson today, thanks to Joey Fatone and and World Down Syndrome.

I don't know if I can take Sage in a fight.

She's pretty fucking fucking insane.

They're all strong.

You kidding me?

Yeah.

His girl is like...

A friend of mine, a very close friend.

Yeah, same thing, though.

They have strength.

She's got like this big shoulders and upper body, and she pushes you.

You feel it, man.

Does she work out or anything?

No.

She's 10 or 11.

How old is she?

She's 11.

Yeah, she's 11.

And yeah,

she pushes me.

She'll jump on the bed and she'll put her like she braces her legs and tries to push me off the bed.

And I'm a fat bastard and she still is able to start rolling me, you know?

It's like sometimes they have like no pain and then just no fear of anything like that.

You know what I mean?

It's just they're superhumans.

Yeah.

Mutants, more than human.

I swear to God, she's never upset, never sad, always happy.

It's awesome.

Kind of like Joey Fatone.

I just want, guys.

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Back to the show.

What ethnic group do you hate the most?

All of them is like an answer, isn't it?

Yeah, it's all right.

Just go with white.

I'm like the United Colors of Benetton.

I like them all.

Except everybody has their own quirks.

I'm Italian.

I'm a greasy freaking WAP, Guinea.

I mean, I sweat oil for crying out loud.

Yeah, I didn't know you were originally from Brooklyn.

And you moved to Orlando?

Yeah, I guess.

How old were you?

I was born and raised in Benson Arts, Brooklyn, until about 13.

My parents, it was like the neighborhood was getting shitty, and we packed up and left.

So, yeah, we moved to Florida because we always, you know, vacation in Florida, always went to Disney.

Hey, Disney.

So it was kind of interesting to move there because it was a whole nother, you know, it's almost like it's a little bit of a culture shock for being, you know,

went to a Catholic school in Brooklyn, New York, and then going to a public school, which I never did until I was like, you know, seventh, so what, seventh grade?

Yeah, eighth grade, eighth grade.

It's crazy.

Really weird.

A lot of red next.

I mean, I was about to say, it's like a lot of white trash toys.

Oh, it's country as hell.

Like, I went, I mean, there's nothing wrong with it, but it was really funny because I didn't understand some of the language that they were saying, or I thought it was another language.

Some kid fell and skinned his knee in the guy.

I was like, oh man, you fell on the cement.

I'm like, sorry?

You fell on the cement.

You mean cement?

Like, forget about it.

Yeah, I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?

You talk funny, huh?

He sounded retarded to me.

It's like they gave me iced tea, and they're like, hey, you want some tea?

I'm thinking it's like the Lipton.

You know what I mean?

With the fucking sugar.

No, real tea bags.

Horrible.

Horrible.

Tastes like shit.

So it was, yeah, it was getting adjusting to it.

It wasn't too, too bad.

But it was, yeah.

Moved to Florida.

And I lived in California about three years, but I moved back to Florida.

I like it.

I like it a lot.

So fucking, yeah, you still live in Orlando.

That's the kind of shit I always think about.

Like all the things that had to fall into place

in order for you

to become a part of Insync.

It's fucking crazy.

Well, if it wasn't, believe it or not, my friend Jason, if it wasn't for my buddy Jason who said, hey, let's go out tonight.

And he actually didn't show up when I went there, I would have never ran into Chris or Justin or JC.

They were out that Aatrax place that I was just talking about, Pleasure Island place.

If I never would have went, if he would have never invited me to go, and even though he didn't show up, I would have, I just said, hey, I went there and he's like, I'm not going to come.

I'm like, son of a bitch.

And this was back before, you know, everybody had a cell phone.

Right.

So it took me a while to figure out what the hell he wasn't fucking there.

But when all of a sudden the other guys were there, like JC and Justin were there, I'm like, hey, what's going on?

He's like, oh, we're starting a crew.

And that's actually how that happened.

So, yeah, exactly.

There's a lot of different things, a lot of ways and stories.

You know, I think when we got actually got our big break here in the States, we did this concert that was on the Disney Channel called In Concert, and Backstreet Boys was supposed to do it, and they were so busy, and they were doing stuff in Europe.

They're like, ah, we don't need to do that because, you know, we're doing stuff here.

When we did that, it jumped us to a whole nother level when they saw that.

It was interesting because a lot of young kids were like, oh, because they've seen Mickey Mouse Club before and it was on the Disney Channel.

So they put the two and two together with JC and Justin.

It was kind of like, oh.

And then we, the rest was history.

Could you have handled it, either of you guys, being in

arguably the most successful boy band in history?

I'd say one of the most successful bands in history.

You really kind of did it.

Could you have handled

prancing about stage in a jean skirt?

No, not that part.

Yeah, but if you were able to do it.

I'm not talented in that way.

You could be.

But let's say I had it.

Let's say I had it.

If Lance can do it, you can do it.

Oh, he wasn't the best dancer?

Oh, no, horrible.

Really?

Yeah, he wasn't the greatest.

I mean, me, JC, and Justin picked it up fairly quickly.

Chris and Lance had just a smidge of a trouble, or it was just, it was just a little, not much delay, but it was just different.

They weren't early dancers.

They didn't like dance.

They didn't do any hip-hop or any of that kind of dancing.

I don't know.

Did you guys play instruments?

We did, but not on tour.

Except for one show we actually did.

I played a little bit of drums.

Justin played keyboard, guitar.

Lance played keyboard.

Chris played guitar and keyboard.

So did JC.

On the albums?

You guys played the music?

No, not on the albums.

We did not.

We were too damn busy recording and touring the whole time to even actually do a band track, per se.

But, you know, I'm about to say, Q, you've been touring and doing a lot of stuff and doing shows.

But obviously, if you were younger, you'd be able to pull it off a lot more.

And we had this conversation.

You think he's too old for a boy band?

Yeah.

Because you're so old to fucking run around like that in general.

It gets the wears and tears on you.

You get a little tired, you get a little exhausted.

The other day, I looked right and I pulled my neck for four days.

Like,

that's not even a joke.

I looked gently to my right, felt something go on my back, and was on Advil for four days straight.

I mean, so.

I tell you that, it took me fucking weeks to recover from fucking the finale.

The Nitro Circus.

You gave it your all.

It took me weeks.

Because we practiced the day before, and I fell off the bike, and my knees and everything were all jacked up.

And I'm like, when are these things going to heal?

My knee was blown up.

We're going into it.

I had no idea what the fuck I was doing.

I got.

There was only one person who wasn't hurt.

Sal's ankle was fucked up.

Your ribs were broken.

Cat almost died.

I think Murray was the only one.

Murray, the Lance Bass of the group, just got that fucking hand right through.

Quick straddling that dude.

It's time to go on.

Man, because the funny part about it was literally, he called me up and he's like, Yeah, you know, I fucked up my ribs and blah blah blah.

I said, Oh,

if you want me to take your place, I'll take it for you again.

I'll do it again.

I was like, Hold on, I'll get right back to you.

I was like, But don't want to do it.

But I had no idea we were doing this whole freaking opposite.

I really had no idea until I got there.

I was like, why?

Fuck, are you kidding me?

I will tell you this, man.

I didn't, I didn't, I wasn't into the whole idea until you came on.

And then I was like, oh, this is going to be fun now.

Oh, really?

Yeah, it'll be fun.

But it was a good time, man.

My favorite part were the sketches that we did on it.

It was just

fun.

That's fun.

So I don't know if, like,

they got through without any real scandals.

Like, in terms of, like.

Because there was no Twitter, there was no Instagram, there was no MySpace.

That's what it is.

So you had an actual camera, not a camera phone, because there was no camera phone there.

Thank God.

So you think

if it was today, there's no way you would get you would be.

I would probably be in a little bit of trouble.

Yeah.

Probably.

Not majorly.

I mean, that's the one thing.

We weren't really, all of us were never really alcoholics.

We weren't heavily into drugs.

Nobody really did anything stupid.

You know,

we were kids.

We did stupid shit, as kids do, but

we never did anything outlandish just because it was, like I said, I think it's all the way we were raised.

Nobody kind of had a big head about anything.

We kept our feet on the ground.

Like, you didn't do anything like, remember that Gogos tape where they were like, the roadie was all passed out, and they're sticking a dildo.

We didn't do the dildo, but we've done stuff like that.

I don't think that really hurt the go-go's, did it?

Is that what I'm saying?

It came out so much later, right?

Well, there's one, I'll tell you one story that

probably not many people know at all,

which is, hopefully, I won't get in trouble for saying this.

I shouldn't.

It's not that bad.

But it was pretty funny.

We were on tour, and at the time,

P.

Diddy opened up for us at one point.

So to thank us, he gave us bottles of Cristal.

Okay.

A couple weeks later, because we have people coming and out opening up for us.

A couple weeks later.

What's the matter?

My opening acts have never given me shit.

Right.

Jiggy's never given me a Crystal.

What's Jiggy up to, motherfucker?

All right, sorry.

I text Jiggy too.

He's texting everyone so long.

Fucking text him.

Give him a fucking gift.

Give him a fucking Jameson or something.

So they gave us, they gave us, he gave us bottles of because we still say, hey, thank you for being on tour.

Smash Mouth knew about it and got word of it.

They gave us cakes on our fucking bus, like a full-on cake.

And we were like, all right, cool.

And we got gifts and giving each other shit like jokes and stuff, little pranks back and forth.

And finally, we go, you know what?

We're going to have a wrestling match.

They're like, what?

We go, InSync versus Smash Mouth.

Meet in the after, before the show at such and such o'clock, meet in this room.

We're all in take it, and we're all going to fucking wrestle.

Was this Lance's idea?

Yes.

No.

But all I said was, all we said, though, was it's in sync versus Smash Mount.

So we go, and everybody's like, I would pay for that on pay-per-view.

The funny part is, is we get in the room, and we all set this up like fucking idiots.

But as we get in the room, there is a blow-up pool inside the room, and there are two topless girls.

One had said in sync, and the other name said Smash Mount.

And then we had one other girl that was dressed as a referee that was painted with referee, but they were topless.

So basically, we did.

It was oil wrestling.

I think it was ice cream or chocolate.

I can't remember what it was.

It was a bunch of shit that was all thrown in there.

And they wrestled.

So that was one of the most interesting things.

Tame.

Tame in a sense.

Well, that tame, not for us.

I mean, they got to think about it.

You know, Justin was only, what, maybe

early 20s, maybe 19, 20, if that, I think.

You know, so, but it was just funny because people thought all of us were going to actually wrestle.

But, you know, we did stupid shit.

Well, you would have to maintain a clean image because

your main demographic is young girls.

And if people start finding out, like, their daughters are going to the concert of, you know, some

people wrestling.

Yeah, yeah, like oil wrestling.

I mean, it actually might have been worse if you guys wrestled Smash Mouth about it.

It would have been weird.

But it's always interesting because then you get some girls that will be in the audience, and they'll, I mean, they're young.

I mean, they were of age, thank God, but they would flash us and all this other kind of stuff.

I mean, it was kind of funny and entertaining to us, but it was just like

we tried to keep that, we did, we tried to keep that wholesome memory.

I can't follow this, though.

Did anybody in the band think they were really wrestling?

Or was this all?

Smash Mouth thought we were were wrestling against them.

They were all amped up to physical.

They were all amped up to wrestle.

For a show.

Yes.

They all thought that we were going to actually wrestle at one point.

The minute we walked in the room, they were like, oh, now we get it.

And it was basically a thank you for the cakes.

Who do you see?

They're all in singlets.

Like, who is that?

We got runners.

We had people.

It was like, hey, we need it.

They literally went to a strip club, I think, called up some girls, said, hey, we need two girls to be topless to wrestle.

Smash Mouth.

I don't think they ever even said it was us.

You know, they just said, hey, we're doing this thing, and blah, blah, blah, blah.

So, yeah, we've had that.

There was

a couple of things.

One time I had one girl where they were like, I always kept saying, and I made it as a joke, and that's what was funny about it.

And then it became a reality.

Where a lot of times we go to different cities when it's our hometown, we have rooms set up, and we have all these rooms for our families.

And they always decked, for some reason in Mississippi, Lance rooms was always decked out.

Every time I was either like New York or some shit or my family, I get the shit out of the fucking stick for some reason.

Because all the venue rooms were all taken care of, and it was a small fucking closet, and I had like 80 people.

So it was in Florida.

I was getting ready, and I was like, I said, you know what?

I said, it's really fucked up.

I said, you know what?

I want shit.

I want everything.

And my art manager, our sound guy, is like, what do you want?

I'm like, burgers.

No,

I said, at least give me a fucking stripper.

Get this, get that.

I want this.

They literally called up a stripper, and it was this large, very large black woman named Peaches.

Oh, beautiful.

And my family happened to actually be in the room.

And he was making the joke and didn't realize that in West Palm, I had family that was coming in.

And the funny part was that I thought it was still a joke.

He's like, hey, he goes, I actually did get you a stripper.

But the girl wants to meet you and just say hi.

Where'd Joey Fatone at?

Yeah.

And I'm like, are you serious?

She's like, yeah, she's in the all-production office.

I'm like, get the fuck out of here.

So I go up, and sure enough, there's fucking Peaches.

Peaches.

And I'm like, hey, nice to meet you.

She's like, oh, nice to meet you.

I was supposed to put on a show for you, guys.

I'm going to suck your dick.

Yeah, and I'm like, oh, I'm good, girl.

I'm going to suck your little white tic-tac-dick.

So

it was kind of fucked up because literally my family was in the other room right next to him.

Like, can't get the fuck out of here.

You got to do this fast and quiet.

My family's on the next room.

What's Smash Mount's fucking problem?

Because

we've used Smash Mount as a reference point on the show a couple of times.

Like, I've claimed that I was Smash Mount's manager.

Right.

In another episode, I said that I followed Smash Mouth on tour.

And then they reached out to me on Twitter and were like, We're shooting a music video.

We want you to be in it.

Right.

And I was like, And then nothing ever happened.

I was like, Yeah, fucking absolutely.

I was like, Definitely do it.

And they're like, They're like, We'll shoot on Staten Island.

We'll come to New York.

We'll pay you.

I was like, You do not have to pay me.

I was like, Just come.

I will be in a Smash Mouth video.

This will be amazing.

They were like, This is great.

We're going to get back to what I'm talking about.

What did you talk?

Do you remember?

It was just one of the manager, whoever their manager is.

Eric.

I don't remember.

And then he was like, He was like, All right, we'll be in touch tomorrow.

And then I've never heard from Smash Mouth again.

Really?

Yeah.

I don't know if the yeah, I think they don't think they got back together again.

Steve, Steve, I still, every once in a while, talk to.

Greg Camp is one of the guitarists that I know.

Greg, I know as well.

And I talked to him not too long ago because actually his wife and his friends came out to see me do Rock of Ages.

So I was able to talk to him.

But they, yeah, for some reason, I don't think they ever really got back together again or something.

I don't know if it was a falling out.

I thought, why would they ask me to be in a fucking video?

They puncture, man.

I got Smash Mouth.

Yeah, you did.

Right?

That's their new prank shit.

Busted your cherry, man.

You've been smash mouth.

Smash mouth.

For fuck's sake.

We went to a WWE event

last night.

This is a second one I've gone to, both with Q.

And it never, like, I'm always amazed at the number of people at these.

I mean, how many people does a Barkley Center hold?

Do they still think it's real?

10,000 people.

Do they still?

Some of these people are acting like it was real.

Like, they're throwing they're like, oh my god, like their hands are on their head.

And everyone's like, it is so, these people are so fucking animated.

And there's infighting, like with like this side sucks, and they're yelling at like people that are basically sitting next to them.

Like this side sucks.

It's not always smiling.

It's not like the old days in Yankee Stadium where you would get into a fucking brawl.

Well, I think the thing is, is they understand it, and I think that might be like their actual Yankee Stadium.

And they go with it just as much as they do, I think.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, it's part of the fun.

Like, it's, it's, you have to, you have to be like, I know what I'm doing.

I know where I'm going.

I am buying in.

This is fucking awesome.

That's like going to a Jimmy Buffett concert.

Exactly.

You know what I mean?

I know I'm going to be tailgating.

I'm going to hear him singing Finns to the left, Finns to the right, all day long.

I don't hear shit.

Yeah, exactly.

You got to do it.

You had fun, man.

I did have fun.

This is my point, though, because I want this kind of power someday.

I'm sure you've had it.

Where there was a, like, they do this thing where, like, they're like, all right, now they kill a lot of time during these things.

They show you videos, yeah, they do this, they do that.

It's like, holy shit,

something was wrong.

And I give them credit, it's amazing because they learn and do all that shit, though, like almost somewhat on the fly.

They're rehearsed a day of, and it's literally like, okay, well, you're going to win, you're going to lose, you're going to win, you're going to lose.

Because I did, I've been to TNA Impact a bunch of times.

It used to be, it's called Impact Wrestling now.

That's out there in Orlando.

I shoot.

But go ahead and see what you're saying.

I want to hear what the, like, as far as getting the crowd in the palm of your hand kind of thing.

This is, uh, it was Bailey.

Was that her name?

Bailey.

Bailey.

So it's this female wrestler.

She comes out.

It seems everyone really loves her, right?

Ah, she's a sweetheart.

She's so people are.

Yeah, she's cute.

She's very small.

She's very petite.

And some this kid in front, a couple rows ahead of us, he's like, what, like 11 or 12?

Yeah.

He's holding up a sign that says Bailey.

A boy.

A boy.

Somewhat important to the story.

Yes.

And she's like looking at the crowd.

She's working the crowd.

She's somehow she sees the sign, which really wasn't that big, and she points at the kid, just points at the sign for like a second.

This kid was like first shocked that she saw him and then started crying uncontrollably.

How old?

How old?

11 or 12?

He must have came right then and there.

Like

the moment.

He must have ruined his shorts.

Did they get it on camera?

Was it on?

No.

No.

I was overtaken with emotion, is the only way to describe it.

He couldn't stop crying

for a second.

She pointed, acknowledged his existence and his sign, and turned around, and he fucking melted.

Like

the hand of God pointed at him.

I couldn't live with myself if that happened as I grew up.

Later on, you'd be like,

I would just be like, I can't.

Well, let me tell you something.

He had the wrong people sitting in two rows behind him because, like, the rest of the show were just making fun of this kid.

I couldn't bear to

live with the fact that I lost composure on that level because...

some wrestler pointed at me at the moment.

He was with these two women.

I guess one was his mom.

And, you know, like, both were like his mom's age

or or like a mom's age.

And I mean, he fucking broke down.

Like, like, I could see it with you.

Like, like, you point at a girl, and she's, like, not like, oh, well, you know, like, you're pointing at her being like, hey, go get her.

I want to fuck her.

Right, right, right, right.

Which we've never done.

But, uh.

Oh, boy.

But it is, we've had that happen.

You know, definitely, 100%.

It's hilarious sometimes because it's almost.

It was almost where you, like, after a while, when I'm doing the concert, of course, I know the moves.

I know everything.

So now it's just like human nature.

You You know, it's automatic where I'm like, oh, okay, I'm fucking hungry.

I want to get something to eat.

As I'm doing the dance, I'm not even thinking about that.

Nobody better eat that burger.

Nobody eats a burger.

Fucking 10 burgers of it.

So the funny part about that is, is you look in the audience and you start to see, okay, oh, well, these girls are really fans of, you know, Chris, or this person's a fan of, oh, I could see anybody that wore a Superman shirt, of course, was my fan.

And, you know, you'd give them a look or a wink and all of a sudden they'd jump up and down.

But it's always weird, even now, that that's the one that I think that's weird.

Back then, it was fine.

It was okay.

They were young.

Now, these women are like in their mid-20s, you know, late, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, mid-30s, like early 40s, and they'll come up, and all of a sudden, they just start crying out of nowhere.

And I'm like, You're a grown-ass woman, what is wrong with you?

She goes, I've just, this is something that's just overwhelming.

I've never met you before, or I've seen you in like eight concerts, and it just overwhelms them.

And they start crying, and you go,

Oh, come here, give me a hug, and that even makes it worse.

If you go, oh, give me a hug, and they're like, Oh my god, but you just don't understand.

And it's weird, it's very, I still to to this day never have ever

got used to it.

It's very

hard to be the recipient.

Yeah.

You know, you feel that when people come up to you and they're just, they're a big fan of you and they just, they just adore you and that was their childhood.

Or sometimes I'll come up to you like, hey, you know what?

I, you know, I thought about suicide when I was young, but your music kept me out of it.

It's like, what do you say?

Happy you didn't die?

You know, like, what do you, it's weird.

It's a very overwhelming.

It's very, you know, gratifying and satisfying, but also just, I don't know, it's just weird.

I've never handled it.

I've never still been able to handle it.

When women are in my presence and they're crying and going crazy like that, normally I just put duct tape over their mouth and just put them in the trunk of my car.

It turns you on, doesn't it?

Something happened with that kid.

And

I want to see if I was right or wrong about this, Walt.

Don't want to throw this to you.

So it's Johnson, my friend Toodle, Stacy, and I were wrong.

We see this kid start crying.

Now, Bailey, who we're talking about, is a fan of Impractical Jokers, and she was supposed to come to set, blah, blah, blah.

There's a connection there, is my point.

So Stacy says to me, He's boasting he knows Bailey.

No, no, no, that's a point.

That's a point.

I don't know.

Who's Bailey?

She's the wrestler.

She's the wrestler that makes her a job.

Okay, so you know the person that people are going crazy for.

Right, right.

I don't know her personally.

I know she's a fan of Impractical Jokers, and I know a lot of the WWE guys at this point.

So, Stacy turns to me and she says, I think this is what I want to do.

And she hadn't had a drink.

So, this is

stone cold sober, Stacy.

And she goes, She goes, I want to go over there and tell that kid to get his number, and and we'll use your connections to get Bailey to either sign something for him or make a video for him or something like that, you know, just to like connect the kid with this hero.

You know where my head went?

I want to go tell that kid that Bailey was pointing at you because you're on a practical joke and not at him.

I was like, that's genius.

You know, I was pointing a kid behind you.

No, that's not.

Stacy was like, we should get that kid connected to Bailey somehow, seeing how emotional it is.

So, Walt, what should I have done in that?

You should have.

Given that I could do it.

I'm sorry to God that you still have people surrounding you that are human.

Talking about me, right?

And really make sure that you keep her around because I imagine that you were like, you went to like, fuck that.

Oh,

that's exactly the fuck.

I was like, how much fucking time that'll take out of my life?

I was like, I don't have the time for this shit.

I was like, what happens?

Like, we have to keep on this kid for three months.

And she was like, I think I'm going to do it anyway.

And I'm like, this is fucking

but that that shows that that shows a level of human compassion and um

knowing what kind of impact that will make that right that that's not a see you're seeing you're she's seeing something that's most people aren't seeing they're just seeing they're just there like she's seeing that little sliver uh that's going to make someone like that kid that kid cried about that Right.

It could be dangerous, though.

That could put him in like a coma or something.

Yeah, really, man.

Bailey called, though, so, maybe it was better that you didn't that you didn't.

But he's like fucking Terry Shiavo, next thing you know.

People are like, take him off life support.

Oh, my God, a Terry Shavo, Levites?

Yes.

Tell him, Steve David.

There's one website everyone's going to, boys.

Is there?

It almost crashed.

So many people.

I mean, people know I'm lying because this is the first announcement of it.

Tell him stevedave.com after all these years, after involving ourselves with Getem to get the domain name, which was like, was that year one?

No.

That was like three.

Year two?

It was well into it.

Yeah.

Man, that was a fucking.

We never shook that dude.

Yeah, I remember going over to Citibank to get the fucking money out of it.

right.

To pay him.

It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong, and I'm big enough to admit that I was wrong.

I didn't think we'd ever, ever do anything with the Telm Steve Dave domain name.

We did it, you did it.

Play those things on the show.

So, in that sense, you were right.

When Walt took an interest in something, it happened.

The Royal Week, the editorial.

Well, we're a team.

There's no Walton team.

There's no I and Walt.

We We all did it.

There is.

Well,

I did spend a lot of time working on the Four Color Demons segment of it.

You did?

Yeah.

You had specific plans.

I want everyone to have a number.

Done.

I wrote the text.

The email we worked on.

I was in it.

I took you guys off the chain because I don't want to bore you.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Backdoor shenanigans.

Yeah.

But it's up there.

And anything, I mean,

the part, the thing I'm looking forward to the most is people sending in pictures, like pictures of them with their shirts.

Don't send in titty pics.

That's okay.

But

no reason.

Are you here?

Let's move on.

Suddenly he doesn't want boom pick sentence.

Yeah, it's not respectful to women, I think.

Anyway.

I don't get it.

Why so funny?

Yeah, I'll have to tell you later on.

It's so funny.

How quick?

Oh, no.

It was so quick.

Oh my god, it was so subtle too.

Nobody gets us except for us right now.

Don't say that out loud.

You're going to kill me.

Oh my God, that was so fucking funny.

No, no, no, boom, please.

I almost didn't catch it.

It was so subtle.

She tried to move on so fast.

What a really interesting answer.

Oh, God.

All right.

I'm sorry, guys.

I know Walt and nobody listening knows what we're talking about, but

if you did,

it was killer.

No, no.

Oh, my God.

So, anyway.

Oh, God.

People with television have tattoos, people with ant tattoos.

Just, you know, it can't be on the boat.

Yeah.

Don't be sending any sexy shit.

If you're wearing your shirt in an exotic location, like Shaolin.

Mount Fouchy.

Yeah.

Yeah, like listener pictures and shit.

You just start over.

It was so unlike you.

No, no movies.

All right.

But anyway.

So

the website, Walt.

What do you want to say about it?

You're thrown.

You're thrown.

You don't know what to say.

What are we going to have up there?

What are you looking at?

I just want to read the person, the business who built it.

That's all I'm trying to get out here.

No, no, no.

I'm just trying to find it.

I can't find it.

I'm not your guys.

I think it's called Howell Edwards Creative.

I think that's the company that built it.

So

I mean, I don't know how, I don't know if there's any, what is it called?

What's it called when things don't go right, though?

Well, that remains to be seen if it is.

Errors, bugs?

Yeah.

Well, we were looking at the website on our phone this morning, and there was a error.

He had to take the four-colored demon page down for remote, for maintenance, and they have, when you do hit an error, a picture of Sunday Jeff comes up.

Dude, it is, it is like you could tell that a fan made this website because he starts, it's a picture of Sunday Jeff drawing a Sunday Jeff, and it goes up, sorry,

that page cannot be found.

And then he starts going, remember the whole church, not a church?

Yeah.

He does the whole fucking speech.

It's great.

He's like, oh, maybe there is a church there.

And then in the end, it's like, I don't know, maybe there was a page here.

I don't really remember.

It's such a deep cut that most people are never going to see.

I was so impressed.

So the website's really made by people who are talented and love the show.

They think that this company made a Puff Daddy.

Oh, no, wait a minute.

Who's the guy that's married to Beyoncé?

Jay-Z.

Jay-Z.

Yeah, they built a Jay-Z website.

Well, it shows.

I mean, they're good enough.

Yeah.

They're Jay-Z level.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And so are we.

Well, they are.

The people who made the website.

Yeah, the people who made the website.

But the four-color, I'm going to harp on the four-color demons because you know know how much I love the concept.

I love seeing everybody wear the shirts.

What can they do if they got to do?

You can officially sign up.

You go on, you log in, put your name, you put your email address, you get assigned your club number, the club membership number, and you get an email with a make-it-home membership card.

That's unbelievable.

You fill it out, you can laminate it, you put your picture on it.

Dude, it's like it's like a dream coming true.

I did see one email, I didn't comment on it, but that you didn't want Hitler to have a number.

You were scared of Hitler.

I wasn't scared of Hitler.

I just thought within context of the show,

Hitler works.

If we're having a motorcycle club made up and

we're making Hitler an official, like an official charter member, an honorary charter member, I just thought it could be misconstrued.

No, no, I trust your judgment on it, but I can't say I wasn't disappointed.

I was like, oh.

No, we all want Hitler.

Like, meanwhile, Gidam's like, he's like, shit, I lost my number 11.

And like, Hitler's number four.

Yeah.

I mean, it was Hitler.

I mean, look, we kept Satan as a member.

Yes.

And Satan is.

That's safer than Hitler, huh?

Well, it's pretty safe.

It's because of the reality of it all.

Well, I don't know.

I just don't, look, how someone reacts to Satan, I could deal with.

I don't know the ins and outs of how someone who's been affected by Hitler to this day

would handle it.

You're right.

And I want it to be a really

super welcoming club.

Hitler is still polarizing,

to say the least.

He still isn't shaking that image that he made for himself.

Fuck up.

Follows him for life.

He might never shake that in our lifetime.

Maybe not.

Maybe not.

It's possible he won't.

Yeah, do you you think you'll see a softening towards Hitler in our lifetime?

Not in our lifetime.

No, not in the four-colored demons anyway.

Satan, welcome.

Hitler, not welcome.

Not so much.

So, yeah, if you join up and what do you got to put to join up?

You got to put an email in?

Yeah, you put your name and your email.

I think that's it.

And you're going to get an email, and you're going to get an official number.

You can get that tattooed on you, or you can get it

printed out and laminated.

Like a Holocauster, right?

We just get the number printed on your arm.

so you got Hitler in there one way or another.

What else is up there?

There's

a link to the store so you can buy, tell them Steve they merchandise.

These movies, all the videos that we're doing.

Three movies are up there for sale right now.

The long-awaited,

Out of Context, years in the making.

Well, actually, it's been done for years.

It wasn't in the making, but

years of gathering dust.

Claymation

for all those people who didn't get a chance to back it.

Yeah.

And

Puppet Theater.

Right.

Thorne Winters Masterpiece.

Good old Thorn.

Yeah.

All up there now.

You can buy in digital downloads.

And you can buy all our audio podcasts, our bonus podcasts, are also up on the website as well.

Bandcamp shares are going to fucking plummet once we take our shit off there, right?

Well, I mean, we're not taking it off yet.

That's a slow removal, I thought.

And that would be the way to roll it out, just in case this website thing don't want to.

We don't want to put them out of business right away.

We don't want to be won't have to crawl with our tails between our legs back to the bottom.

Oh, Mr.

Bank, we're thinking, maybe

I'm just missing you.

Yeah, I think, look, this, it's the first, it's really like the first version of the website, and it's awesome.

But, like, it's going to evolve.

We're going to try different things.

It's going to become the hub for all things Telemstead, Dave, man.

It's going to be fantastic.

And if there's any problems, any questions, anything at all, do not email KMUs to about it.

There's nothing at all that I'm going to be taking care of about it.

So do not email me regarding it.

Love, peace, and love.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're going to email, what was it, Teflon Bry at Telesteve?

Well, I think there's a link there.

Oh, is there a link?

I'm sure.

There's got to be a contact there.

I'll be taking care of all your concerns and problems.

So you know they'll be met with

the diligence and care that we've, that Brian Johnson has shown for the last seven years.

That's right.

Select all, delete.

So that's tellhamstevedave.com.

Anything else that we need to

anything else?

Anything you want to say about it?

It's a big moment.

Yeah.

It really is a historic moment in the show's history, right?

Yeah, we really did.

Yeah.

People said it couldn't happen.

It wouldn't happen.

Oh, a lot of people.

A lot of people.

Well, guess what, assholes?

We came out on top again.

Thanks, Walt.

Yeah, so tellhemstevedave.com.

Go check it out.

Yeah, it's going to be fun.

No titty picture.

You drew a fucking unboxing.

Go buy a movie.

You are unbelievable.

Guess what I got on under these jeans?

Me on these?

Oh, come on.

What else would I be wearing?

Guess what I got on under these jeans?

My hand.

Me on these as well?

Yeah, me on these as well.

What about you, Walt?

Three for three, bitch.

Yeah.

That's what happens when you get free underwear.

You put them on.

Do you wash them before you put them on or you just just throw them right on?

Out of the

family package?

I put them right on.

Yeah.

I don't even wash them.

Well, he says, how can you do that?

He just robes right in the middle of the story.

No, they come to my house.

Yeah, they go right to my house.

So, yeah,

I trust Mr.

Miyandi that he's not sending underwear that needs to be cleaned out of the pack out of the mail.

Like a pair that someone else has returned.

They're like, yeah, I don't really like them.

There's not their version of get them handling, like every single one.

I haven't seen any Meandies in a while.

What do you mean?

None have come.

I just got it.

I just got a packet of three, did you?

Two weeks ago.

Hmm.

Somebody must be stealing mine.

And they're worth stealing, man.

Oh, yeah, they are.

Like, who wouldn't?

It's worth going to jail

to buy.

Okay, use one of these openers in our read or create your own.

So basically, like, say whatever you want.

Yeah.

Elevate your underwear game.

Like, look, the first time you're in front of a girl and you peel off those jeans, you want her to see some nice fucking underwear, right?

Fuck you.

And vice versa.

You want to see a girl's like, hey, man, they kick off these fucking pants.

And you're like, you don't want to see some fucking bullshit.

Big giant pantaloons.

You want to see some fucking sexy Miundis.

I'll take a good boy short.

Do they have boy shorts on the girls for meundis?

They do.

And I still like the classic thong.

I'm more of a, I like boy shorts more.

I think like that little ass cheek hanging out.

Listen, I'm down with boy.

How did it become to be, I've always thought this.

Why did it become fashionable or why was the thong only for females?

Well, I know why the thong exists.

It's to hide the panty lines.

Right.

We don't really wear clothes that show panty lines.

But how did they, how did they, who convinced women that, like, you need to wear this?

Like, we are so disgusted with seeing your panty lines.

Oh, definitely a guy.

That, like, you need to wear this string up your butt.

It seems reasonable.

And then they listened.

That they followed through and are like, okay.

I don't know.

Women are much harsher with each other.

They might have been walking behind each other and be like, oh, nice panty lines, fucking granny panties.

But until it was invented, like, well, look at at your panty lines.

And then I cut fighting.

Yeah, but you know what it was?

One beautiful woman, probably from Italy.

European, definitely.

Or Brazil.

European.

Right.

Style.

Just did not wear panties.

Just wasn't wearing panties under the dress.

And the other girls were like, oh, my God.

You could see panty lines through a dress?

Sure, a tight dress.

Like a

mini skirt like that?

Yeah, like a pencil skirt, if you will.

Any form-fitting skirt, you're going to see those same things.

So that one beautiful woman was like, I'm not even wearing panties.

That's how much I don't want to see them panties.

Could you do it?

Could you wear thong all day long while you're at work and doing everything?

Could I, or am I?

Nah.

Right?

It would just be like, this is like torturous.

What?

I couldn't wear makeup.

I couldn't wear high heels.

I couldn't do anything that women do.

Couldn't give birth.

They really should revolt.

Is it torturous or

after a while you forget, right?

You're just like, it's so.

Oh,

I can never forget.

God.

I can't forget now either.

Just thinking of that phone riding up all high.

But even I got to floss my teeth later.

I got to chew it like a bubble gun.

She doesn't even look up anymore.

She doesn't even look up anymore.

And it's usually done in the summer?

What?

Thong?

Or is that a year-round thing?

Year-round.

Year-round.

Yeah, it's a four-season fucking underpant.

Yeah, man.

Come on, dude.

I apologize that we have

a race, not a race, as a gender.

But again, you're assuming that it's guys, yeah.

Come on.

Don't you think it's probably girls that were like, ooh, look at her panty lines.

Like, not a guy.

A guy's probably not like, oh, it would look much better if you didn't have panty lines.

I'm sure it was a girl that was just like all caddy and shit.

And like, look at this bitch with her panty lines looking foolish.

I'm sorry, but I mean, the inventions.

I doubt

it was.

Apologizing.

A thong's a beautiful thing.

But just discomfort that they...

Last week he's apologizing for pussy glue.

He's apologizing for thugs.

He's trying to be as woke as me, bro.

Oh, he'll never be.

Oh, you can never be as woke as me, my friend.

Do you know why?

Yeah,

this is going to rock your world, Walt.

What did I tell you at the beginning of this year?

That you're a new leaf?

That I'm going to be woke.

That I'm going to be the wokest motherfucker in the world.

You usually can't be self-dubbed.

And you usually can't buy it.

What about that, my friend?

Oh, an A-C-L-U card.

A card-carrying member.

Since 2017.

Yeah, well,

that's when I got one.

So what?

You made some sort of contribution in your card?

I donated $1,000 on behalf of Telum Steve, Dave, and then I made a little donation of my own as well.

So how can all of us then get cards?

I don't know.

That's a good question.

Yeah, why don't I?

Oh, because I think I donated like, I think perform, like I had to get cards.

But so you really got to pay for this card?

Well, it's when you donate, yeah.

Bro, we live in harsh times.

It's like a carbon footprint, though.

It's like it's

just not really.

You would make the argument that maybe you're more woke by not accepting this unnecessary card to show off to everyone.

Well, he didn't do what I had to do to get the card.

It was so awesome because he was at my house when I got it.

Like, I didn't know I was getting it.

Like, I didn't know it was coming.

And I just saw it, and I was like, oh, this looks like junk mail.

And I opened it and I saw the card, and I was like, he would be fucking Ed McMahon showed up to his house house with a giant check.

I just started throwing it in his face.

I was like, who's woke now?

Got to get this laminated.

Yeah, definitely.

Definitely.

Does it have your address on it?

No.

Is this your membership number?

I guess so, yeah.

Yeah.

There's a lot of woke people out there if that's your membership number.

We're a movement now, Walt.

We're not going to take it anymore.

Hitler's number four.

ACLU.

You want to get in my band-a-thong sort of thing?

What does this?

No.

What I want is women to be able to choose whether they want to wear the thong or not.

Damn, you're good.

Oh, damn, you're good.

I have no place commenting on women's on the wear.

Well, it's not up for me to decide what they should wear.

Unless it's meundies and what you do, and that's what we shouldn't be fucking talking about.

Well, how about this then?

Yeah.

Like, you got to wear a thong more often than never.

And a tampon in your ass.

And then I'll give more credence to this fucking piece of shit.

Oh,

oh, come on.

Jesus Christ.

I'm calling the White House Switchboard right now.

Reporting me.

Yeah, that's crazy.

Meundies.com.

Is that where you got to go?

Yeah, man.

They're designed in L.A.

Who cares where they're designed?

Sustainably sourced.

Fabric.

They're soft and they're good.

And they don't like one washing and they don't stretch out and all that other shit.

So 20% off your first pair.

Just use meundies.com slash T-E-S-D.

Go ahead.

Revamp your underwear drawer.

You deserve it.

They aren't the kind of underwear like they're expensive, I won't lie.

But you're like, I won't have to buy new ones for quite some time.

You won't even want to.

They're so nice.

Right.

You would gladly wear a fucking meondouch thong.

Have you ever wear an edible underwear?

Have I ever worn them or eaten them?

Both.

Worn them, no.

Like I wore them, then I ate my own edible underwear.

Eaten them, yes.

What does it taste like?

Cotton candy.

It's like a fruit roll-up.

Yeah, I know.

This one I tried was cotton candy.

Does it feel like cloth?

No, it feels like real flimsy.

It's like choking

cloth.

Yeah.

Was it sexy or no?

Well, it was a human.

We got him in the office one day, so I just popped it in.

Could it ever be a sexual or central, a sexual, central act?

Listen to me.

You put a fucking edible thong on this one, it'll be fucking central no matter what.

Ah, yeah, go on, go on.

It'll be like blue apron and shit, right?

What a segue.

Yeah,

oh shit, it's Casper.

You'll do it on a Casper, though, right?

I'm not doing it anywhere, dude.

What about you, Brian?

Have you ever had...

I'll do it in my dreams.

It's probably the last edible thing on earth I haven't eaten.

No, no.

Yeah, edible undies, they look so weird.

Like, you see them come out of the package and they have like...

I do everything I've ever seen.

Do they look like cloth?

No.

They look like a rubbery kind of.

So they aren't really worn throughout the workday?

No.

It's not like you throw them in the wash and you're like, I guess I'll wear them again tomorrow.

No one ate them, so I can wear them.

I wish somebody would eat my undies.

I mean, they're edible, for Christ's sake.

Why did I go to all the trouble?

Oh, wow.

It looks to me like technology-for edible pantheas has come a long way.

Has it?

Yeah, these look like just straight up.

It's just normal cotton.

It's not Model.

Is that why you said the cotton candy?

Or is that like a little nice little like cotton?

It tasted like cotton candy.

All right, this is the one you're talking about.

Whereas like a fruit roller.

I'll credit him with being that clever because he'll try to seize on it.

Can I see that?

Oh, that looks fucking weird.

That's not the one that I saw.

So

it looks like some sort of candy that you would get at a candy store.

Like fruit roll up.

Yeah, fruit roll up.

Yeah, fruit roll up.

So definitely not real underwear.

No.

Just some sort of like

another bullshit.

That's somewhere.

You're using Smarties.

If you're looking for real underwear.

They have this one that looks interesting to me.

Made of Smarties.

That's cool.

Oh, I've seen them before.

Have you any

connection with that?

Smarties?

No, but I'm into it.

A Smarties thong?

Yeah, Smarty's thong.

What if she's like...

Is it fattening?

It's got to be fat.

Not the Smarty one, but the

I mean, it has calories.

I don't think anybody's going to be like, wow, well, there's your calories for the day.

Now, is that some sort of fetish, or is that something that both parties can enjoy?

Because.

I think it depends on what happens immediately after.

Like, if you're eating through

and then you're using that as a segue,

you keep on going.

I think she's happy.

You don't go like, oh, I'm full.

Yeah, like, I feel sass on dessert.

Yeah.

I ate too much underwear.

I got to go lie down.

I feel so sick right now.

Does that double underwear have that turkey fucking chemical in it?

I'm so sleepy now that I ate all that underwear

dozing off in the middle of it.

Keep going, stupid.

Sorry,

I'm just going to shut it down for a little bit.

Let me just take a quick hat nap down.

Just going to shut it down.

I'll be back.

She sees you in the other room eating more underwear.

You can't stop yourself.

I didn't even wear them yet.

They're so good.

Food underwear.

Yeah, as far as I'm concerned, this is one of the four food groups.

The top of the pyramid.

The guy who made edible underwear, millionaire?

I hope so.

But do you think he really is?

Did he know?

No.

Because it's an idea.

You can't really eat.

Well, if he made it, then anybody can make it.

You know what I'm saying?

It's not like.

So

underoos have sold more units than edible underwear?

Yeah, yeah.

I would hope they were edible.

Like off a kid's house and blow.

There's an idea.

That's where your brain always goes.

Not my brain is right.

I wasn't even thinking of that.

Edible underwear for children.

You're a cheat.

Wait, wait, wait.

We're talking about that.

I was just talking about who made more cash.

I'm thinking as a businessman.

You know what I'm saying?

That's where your head always goes.

All right, what do we got, Casper?

Casper, yeah.

Because where are you going to eat those underwear but on a Casper mattress?

I would think at the dining room table.

Yeah, like cutting it up with a knife and forking from your kids.

That's right.

Let me eat your mom.

You're still sleeping on that Casper.

Yes.

The best, right?

The best.

I got a bedtime story, you know?

It's one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

Okay.

And it happened under a Casper mattress.

Under a Casper mattress.

Oh, boy.

Your girls had to help fish you out as it collapsed on you.

You're like, girls, I have no tendency to my leg.

I can't get out.

We are again in the interior of the house painted.

Yeah.

And the painters arrive mucho early.

Ona!

No, no, no.

Are you robbing me?

It's really early.

Or are you guys the painters?

You better watch it, pal.

Us members of the PCLU do not like this kind of talk.

I thought I was a member, too, like by extension.

Well, no.

So

it's a Monday morning.

Yeah.

My wife had told them the previous day that Derek, she was, she had to go to school.

The kids had to go to school.

I'm the only one in the house.

She says to the painters, I'm going to leave the door unlocked.

Just come in and

peter's catching him chowing down on that ball.

Don't jerk it off.

No.

I crumble.

You're going to ruin that Casper mattress, mate.

You at least need it underneath.

Let's push it over out of it.

No, so it's there.

Everyone's, I'm the only one in the house, and

my bedroom has this gigantic window, and it doesn't have any blinds on it.

So the sun is intolerable at times.

Sometimes I have to resort sometime to a night mask.

Okay.

Or usually I strap a pillow over it.

They have window treatments.

I know.

Pillow.

Oh, you get them?

But what I found is even better when it's

especially when the heat's on too high, is I will go.

This is fucking weird.

I will go lay on the floor.

Shovel under a mat.

And I'll just stick my head underneath the bed.

And it's colder underneath there, and it's really dark.

Muerte.

That lady killed her husband.

Now we're going to get pain.

So I will, so that my pants, so only my shoulders are underneath, but the rest of my body's hanging out.

Oh my God.

And

I hear the painters talking, and I'm like, for fuck's sake, I go, it says, why are they so loud?

I'm going, like,

why aren't they

trying to sleep with my head under a mattress?

Idiots.

And I'm like, it feels like.

How often do you do this?

A lot.

It's not really no big deal.

I don't think it's that big.

More than the average person, which is never.

I'll just like, it's like, it's like, I can't take it no more.

Do you have a skirt on the bed?

Or is it just like a bare mattress?

No, it's like, there's like a space underneath.

Right, but is there like fabric around the bed?

Yes.

So you listen.

So you look

big.

And you look decapitated at that point.

So this morning it's like

his chest still making those fucking

pictures because please come out of retirement with this.

And so I'm underneath and I'm like, why are they fucking talking so loud?

I could never in my wildest dreams, I'd be like, my wife would leave

and not close the bedroom door.

Has your wife and kids seen this behavior?

Oh, yeah.

It's not that big a deal.

It's just like when the sun, it's like

8 o'clock until about 11 o'clock in the morning.

If the sun's too up so high and it's right like shining right in my face, well, they're like, oh, dad's probably underneath the bed.

As any child would normally assume.

What time is it?

Is dad still under the bed?

Because if

not, it's got to be after eleven.

This guy's been on D V for six years.

He just can't put a fucking shade.

You can't put a shade up.

It's easier this way.

All the fuss.

You can pay someone to do it.

You can just go to Macy's.

What do you have for guys that don't want to suck their heads under the bed when the sun's

shiny?

So I'm sitting there.

Finally, I'm like, I can't take it anymore.

I'm like,

I'm like, what the fuck?

Why are they talking so loud?

I pull my head out from under the bed.

I got an ostrich.

And I turn.

And there's two fucking painters in the room.

Well, yes, it is.

Matter of fact, it's

silently scary

100%.

They're like, is he alive?

Yeah, well, that's what I was like.

When I was like, why the first off, why were they sitting here talking as if I wasn't lying under the bed?

They're talking about what weird ones.

They're talking as like their vacations are going on.

I was listening to this conversation they were having, thinking they were on the other side of the door.

And they were saying, I told you about, oh, I went to Florida.

And, you know, I really don't like going to Florida.

And I'm like,

they didn't say, like, hey, man,

are you okay?

Are you all right, sir?

They didn't like, I mean, I wasn't moving.

They're all fucking EMTs.

All right, but come on.

I'll admit it's not the most common thing you'll see when you open up.

What a fucking huge gesture to admit that.

So I turn, I look at them, and the response is only from one person.

I didn't say anything.

The guy goes, sorry.

And I just closed the door.

So slowly.

I didn't close it slowly.

Because

they were painting the trim around the door.

So I just closed the door.

So you slammed the door in the faces of guys that you're like, why don't you care about me?

Did you then get back onto the bed to finish up the nap?

Oh, yeah, it was eight.

It was eight o'clock in the morning.

I didn't have to get up for another two hours.

And the sun was up high.

What am I going to do?

Can't leave the room.

That's amazing, man.

Oh, but I was, I got to tell you, it was one of the most embarrassing things I've ever had to face when I turned and saw this.

They still tell that story to this day.

Well, it only happened a couple days ago.

So

I was just like, I got home.

My wife was like, why did you leave the door open?

Why did you leave the door open?

You know, I'm going to go underneath the bed.

You know how sunny it was out when you left for work.

Like he's a mongrel.

What the fuck?

You know how I do?

What's the sun up?

All right, then.

Why the fuck would you let Peters in?

I knew they were coming, but I just haven't redreamed that she leave the door open, though.

You know, they didn't give a shit.

They were talking about their vacation.

They didn't even, like, I really thought, I was telling them, I was like, I thought it was really shitty that nobody was like, sir, sir, are you okay?

Nothing.

They couldn't.

I agree.

It is weird.

Well, you, I don't know.

I mean, I don't know.

You were breathing, you know what I mean?

Were you snoring?

No.

Because I was awake because I could hear all their conversation.

So I'm because I'm really getting annoyed.

I could hear me going like

I was getting so

rumping.

They probably like they don't want anything to do with this.

They're not going to acknowledge it.

They're going to pretend that this isn't happening, paint the fucking trim, and get the fuck out of the house with their skin still attacking.

I don't get paid enough.

You just hear it from under the like, does anyone know you guys are here?

But if you're going to put your head under a mattress, you want it to be the case.

You want it to be the best mattress on the market.

I really got one of those.

Like a sweet fucking invention, not unlike the edible odyssey.

And this was, they call this an invention.

Casper has deemed this invention worthy that they tout it as an invention.

Well, Time Magazine did it.

For the third week in a row, it was Time Magazine.

That name was the best inventory.

They're not hiding.

They're not trying to distance themselves.

They are touting it.

You're right.

They are like, you know what?

They're right.

It is a fucking one of the best inventions of two years ago.

Yeah, I don't.

I wasn't helping.

My parents took mine.

Oh, yeah?

They're fucking that box that it comes in.

My mom is like, whoop, now it's mine.

The box with the mattress or just the box?

No, the box with the mattress on it.

They now sleep on it.

So I never even got the feel the warm embrace of a casper.

Have you never, really, ever really slept on one yet?

No.

They're pretty fucking sweet.

You're missing out.

You're mom.

Well, what's up, Casper?

Can we send me another one?

I mean, how long do we gotta

when can I demand free stuff?

Can they send a one podcast?

Four?

Just one more.

One more.

What do you do?

You get you go to casper.com/slash T-E-S-D

using the promo code T-E-S-D.

I don't know.

You okay?

Yeah.

$50 off any mattress.

Obsessively engineered.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

It's only applicable towards the purchase of a mattress.

So I guess people are trying to get $50 off a pillow or something

or a fucking sweet fucking skirt to

hide your head with the sunshine.

I guarantee you, more people than you can.

Or you're going to see an outpouring of support.

We're like, well, I do the the same thing.

I totally

guarantee you.

I guarantee you.

It's just the most natural thing.

You're just like, oh, it's too fucking bright.

What's one thing I could find on the vampire?

Yeah.

I mean, there are certain things where I'm like, yeah, that is natural.

Not having heard of this behavior in 49 fucking years, no, I would say it's not the most natural thing in the world.

It's the most natural thing human beings are going when they're trying to sleep, oh, but want to get rid of the light.

Right, you're seeking shade.

And

since the, I would say that, you know, forget Casper, the shades are one of the best inventions.

Blackout curtains.

Why not?

Just hang a towel.

Go total white trash.

Hang a towel up.

It looks like shit then.

My wife won't have it.

How long ago?

When was the first time you did it?

Oh, yeah, I've been in a house since 2003.

And you still don't have like window treatments up?

No.

She likes to do that.

It's so weird.

Really?

Because she's so, she's, his wife is like this immaculate housekeeper.

You go to his house and it looks like um

it looks like a model house like okay at the inside where like everything is perfect, you know.

So I'm surprised that she wouldn't like she would draw the line at like fuck him, let him sleep under the mattress.

He doesn't like the sun.

It's good enough for him.

Good for you, man.

Fuck the shade industry.

Casper.com/slash T-E-S-D.

Like got me woman, I dream about every day.

Her lips are black as coal, and it hates

free.

My heart skips a beat, I'm about to fall.

She ain't gonna go

if the beats it off.

Super freaky negro feel the across it.

As a living, breathing boy, ever gonna win.

She's got the creeps and hooves of dancing in her head.

I think she'd like me too if I were walking there.

She gave love to me, be by my side.

That I'm still alive.

So she won't be

since we're freaking neck with Billy Aggerro face.

It's how we live and breathe, the boy's gonna get the win.

Well, well, well, well, I'm gonna take a mark with me.

Out on the floor, we're gonna jump real high, swing real low.

We're gonna dance so fast, fire behind the frame.

Now go rockin' to the east, rockin' through the west, rock a really she ain't rockin' no half tonight.

She ain't never gonna be the same.

Rock, baby, rock, rock, baby.

I love that woman now she tells me I'm her man

We go together in a fairy tale remain

That rock and roll really changed our lives that would change your mind

She's ionized

freaking that broke really aggro friend.

How to live and breathe before I ever go and wail

Rob breathes and greasy, but they're worth it in the end.

Super freaking that broke really

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