#326: The Atomic Lantern of Love

Dick pick, cock on the lips, dick in retro Bush insertation, dick break in the jungle, fat cock, carry on and suck that dick.

She makes my heart glow like brighter than an atomic lantern.

This will totally freeze your throat so you have no gag reflex.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Just push the stomach up if you don't like it on your head.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

I'm here with Wong.

What?

Huh?

What's going on here?

No, we've got our regular mics back, so everything should sound nice and crystal.

Yeah.

Ming went off to LA, absconded with our normal microphone, so we had to use headsets.

Those guys use it.

I love Ming.

What's going through his head?

You know I love Ming.

Fuck damn, man.

Like, why would he do that to us?

They're not his mics.

They're not his mics.

If you could afford

flight

hotel at the Sunset fucking marquee, which is $700 a night, like, you tell me you can't afford a mic?

Well, he has a mic, but I guess just the one.

And what third-rate nobodies is even fucking robbing our mics to

well, Katrina Law, she's on Arrow.

I don't watch Arrow.

I don't either.

But I, but I, I imagine it's a very popular show.

It is.

She's nice.

Okay.

A girl named laney who um

again very nice but she's essentially like a uh

like what juliet does for us like book shows and stuff like that okay all right so i guess they both of them probably have interesting stories but do they have to be sent into our mics

no they could be sent into any mics at all right

nobody you've mentioned so far has ever performed an exorcism i don't think have they no If you want clear sound, you want, well, neither did our guy, but in all fairness.

But yeah, if you want clear sound, you want it coming from an exorcist.

And I like Lady.

She's nice.

But I doubt that it was as riveting as, say, Father Lance.

Yeah.

So what are you going to do?

Nothing.

We've taken steps to ensure we're now triple recording every episode.

And somebody alerted me, I think it was yesterday, was

the seventh anniversary of

the episode dropping.

Get out.

Yeah, we're into our seventh year.

We're still fucking up the sound.

What happens when your sound guy gets famous and doesn't give a fuck anymore?

Yeah.

About the sound.

That is on me.

Yeah.

All right.

All right.

I'll take it.

I'll take it.

I was thinking about you the other day, Q.

I think about you every day pretty much, but I was thinking about your Star Wars essay

and

I was in CBS

on Valentine's Day.

I had to get a prescription.

Now, do you think, will we see the end of Valentine's Day in our lifetime?

No.

It happened in Pakistan.

Did it?

They outlawed it.

Oh, I saw it.

Was it Pakistan or Saudi Arabia?

Was it Pakistan?

One of those places.

One of those places where they're apt to ban stuff

on a wind.

You're like,

all of a sudden,

one day you're able to celebrate it, and like an hour later you can't.

And if you do, you could be put to death.

So it's one of those places where they kind of like they shoot from the hip and you may, whatever you're celebrating yesterday, you might not be able to celebrate the next.

Well, America's turning into that.

But yeah, that's not true.

That's not true.

You got to give it to America in as much as like Trump during his,

when he was running, he's like, here is the shit I'm going to do, just so you know.

He got into the office, into the office.

Unlike most politicians, he started started doing that shit.

And people were like, whoa.

Well, to be fair, people didn't like what he said he was going to do.

It doesn't matter.

He's done it.

But he hasn't been able to do any of the thing he wanted to do, though.

Every time he turns around, somebody's like, no.

Good.

Good.

Uh-oh.

Wow.

What's going on?

What happened to you?

What do you mean?

All of a sudden, now

you're diss in America.

You're saying America's turned into a place where we outlaw fun things.

Like Valentine's Day.

Well, you know.

But what were you going to say about Valentine's Day?

The number of people people scrambling, men and women, for cards,

hearts with candies in them.

Were you one of them?

No, come on.

What were you doing in the store?

I said I was getting a prescription.

Oh, yeah.

Prescription for love, maybe

for trying to smooth things over with Suzanne with a big old box of chocolates.

Yeah, I was like, here's some cough syrup.

And

you know, I have a sinus infection.

I'll share this medication with you.

I thought the cough syrup was

to get her in the mood.

Oh, yeah, yeah, just to knock her out.

There wasn't so much cough syrup, I guess.

This will totally freeze your throat so you have no gag reflex.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Just push the stomach up if you don't like it on your head.

I love you.

I love this.

I mean, you

know, in Pakistan, you couldn't even do this on Valentine's Day.

You're lucky.

You're freedom.

You're American.

You're free to love me

however I want you to.

USA.

USA.

No matter what I turn into.

You got it.

Oh, I'm not going to.

So you are mad at the people trying to frantically cover their bases for Valentine's Day.

That would be an overstatement.

It was just

something I noticed.

You're observing it.

I was observing it, and I was observing a bunch of people who really didn't care.

They don't care.

Like, it's the least amount of thought you can put into it.

Why, if you do it late, you mean?

You're doing it on the day?

Does it matter when you do it as long as you do it?

Kind of.

Because someone who puts thought into it is doing something beyond chocolates and a card, I think.

No, I don't even do that.

So

I'm not judging them.

Okay, so it sounds like Yardo.

I'm not judging them.

Okay, I am judging them.

But I'm judging them from a perspective of like, just come on over to this side, man.

Say, fuck it.

Well, they don't.

Go get some cough syrup.

Well, if they had their way, they would, but they don't have their way.

If they were, if they had Brian Johnson mojo and able to pull it off, yeah, they would.

Yeah.

But not everybody can do, you know,

without any context.

Not everybody could pull off your lifestyle.

That's true.

Very few.

Oh, they all want it.

They can't pull off that, like that tough love or that kind of like, you know,

take it or leave it.

It's like America.

Love it or leave it, baby.

Fuck off that.

Go back to where you came from.

You don't like it.

I'm a baby.

Actually,

you really do have that kind of mentality of like, you know, love it or leave it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You got to respect that.

It's always,

you've never wavered from that.

No matter how

damaging

or how bad things things get, it's always the same.

Like, you could be at the top of your game, you still had that mentality.

And then, when it maybe, when you know, things were at a low point, you know, you still had that mentality.

Yeah, now you're back on the upswing, and you still got it, man.

You never changed.

Yeah, I'm consistent, kept it real.

Like a rock.

Yeah, that's me, man.

Yeah, I kept it real.

A lot of people don't keep it real.

I saw a bunch of people not keeping it real at CBS.

Yeah.

What are you going to do about that?

What did you do for Valentine's Day?

Well, did we talk about this?

Did you

talk to scrambling around the CPS?

I did some scrambling.

You always got to do some scrambling.

I don't see that's why I don't think it's bad to do scrambling.

As long as you get it.

I don't understand the mentality.

It's like if I had bought it 30 days prior on January 14th, if I bought it, what difference would it make is if I bought it on February 14th?

Well, okay, here's where I'm speculating that this is the only thing they're doing.

Like, you probably did more.

First off, why the fuck would you go to dinner on Valentine's Day?

Actually, we did it the day before.

It went on the 13th.

That's experience.

That's good.

That's

an experience.

You know, all these many years later, you learn that, you know, if you...

But

we're not people that go out to

fancy smanche places.

Dinner after 5.30.

Oh, you didn't go anywhere?

You didn't go to La Fromagerie?

I mean, we went to a nice, nice,

our place.

It's nice.

It's romantic.

You know, it's your neighborhood bar and grill.

It's Fridays, but it's still,

It's still, you know, it's our Fridays.

Yeah.

All right.

What's wrong with that?

There's nothing wrong with that.

But I know some people will be like,

you know, they would be like, you know.

Why didn't you bring her to a fancy place in the city?

Why'd you have to go to Fridays?

It's not us, man.

We keep it real, too.

We don't keep it Brian Johnson real.

Right.

Well, a few people could do that.

You wouldn't have a wife and kids if you kept it.

you'd be lonely inside.

I'm trying to keep a tough exterior,

pretending you don't care,

watching everyone else happy.

Rain it in, Brian.

Rain it in.

You're letting too much out.

Oh, my God.

Where are my emoji?

No, no, no, you're fine.

You're fine.

Everything's fine.

Drink this.

Where's my coffee here?

So you went to Fridays?

Would you go to Friday's?

Did you have a dinner special gift?

Yeah, I did.

Uh, oh boy, I just don't remember what the special gift was.

I don't know if this may this may hurt my, uh, my,

oh, you mean my credibility as uh,

welcome to the pass on Fridays.

It's going to be especially difficult.

I got one of those, um, I saw

it.

Jeremy, on these, I noticed my wife was

unusually interested in a commercial for one of those lanterns that you can deep fry or put in a block of ice or run over with a tank.

She was like, I want to do all those things tonight.

A lantern?

It's like a lantern.

It's like on one of those commercials.

Like, this lantern is you can see from two miles away.

Okay.

So I brought her one of these lanterns that I saw when I was at this, when I was at the write-aid.

You're like, so there I am in the SCM TV section.

Cupid's arrow is struck.

The lantern is here.

My daughter is like, when she saw it, she goes, what did dad get you?

And she goes, she couldn't believe it.

She goes, what else did he get?

He just didn't get this lantern.

And I was like, yeah, I did.

I just got the lantern.

She's like, and she's like, he didn't just get the lantern.

He just got the lantern.

I could hear her talking to

Alicia, her sister, going, I can't believe he just got her a lantern.

What is she going to do with a lantern?

Now, was she happy with the lantern?

Like, because she showed interest in it.

So.

Well, then I was like, she's like, what?

You totally misread my reaction to a lantern.

Was that the way it happened?

No, she would never come out and be like...

The fucking indestructible lantern?

Yeah, but I think, though, I should have paid a little, I should have went to the girls to find out their reaction to the lantern before I bought her because they did bring up some good points.

It's like, it's probably, we have little use for a lantern.

Yeah, she's like, what is she?

A fucking outdoors man.

Yeah.

What is she?

You expect the lights to go out?

Like, it'll really compliment her Paul Revere costume.

It's just one of these.

I'm sure you guys have never seen it.

It's like commercials everywhere.

It's like this, like this marine.

It's like, you can't destroy this lantern yeah and what you do is it collapses and then when you pick it up it's light as a feather too when you pick it up it's like the heart of a sun is inside this lantern

now have you turned it on and yes so it is

many times it is okay as you're in the crawl space sleeping

it really wards off the spiders

it throws not a lot but a little like turn that heat down

oh what you got you the atomic lantern all right it's called look that baby up i mean it's they're selling millions of them they're selling by the scad loads they can't keep them in stores why don't we invent it's not the roast more romantic gift but then again i'm not the i'm not your i'm not going to go with the most typical present the stereotypical right um cough syrup and and uh

knock down drops

i want to it was a metaphor that's what i told the girls later on i was like that's a metaphor for my heart yeah you're like look it up

She makes my heart glow like brighter than an atomic lantern.

Yeah.

5,000 lux.

See you.

See it, Q?

Oh, yeah.

Like here again, it says atomic lantern rip-off exposed.

That's what I'm seeing.

Well, it's $19.99.

You can buy one, get one free, buddy.

And I didn't, well, I didn't buy, I brought mine in the,

as seen on TV section, so I wasn't able to get that sweet buy one, get one free deal that you see on TV.

Right.

But you know what?

And I also used a $5 off coupon, so I only got it for $14.99.

You know, thriftiness is an underrated.

I didn't tell her that.

I'm just telling you guys.

Not that it matters.

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter.

Like, if you got it for free.

It's the thought.

You know what?

It was a sign to her that I was like, I'm watching you 24-7, baby.

I noticed when your eyebrow raised a little bit.

I would love to hear that.

I noticed your interest in something that I knew I couldn't believe you had an interest in.

And I kept it.

I didn't.

That was the thing.

You're watching me that much and you're still misreading?

You never noticed things like this, but I noticed you watched that entire commercial, didn't take your eyes off, and when the commercial was over, you went about your business.

Maybe you missed her shaking her head almost imperceptibly.

Like, what?

And that's okay, though.

At $14.99, it's okay to roll those dice.

You're right.

You're right.

But if it was like, well, if if I was buying her $14,000 or a $1,499 set of earrings or a ring and I got it wrong, it's a big mistake then.

Yeah.

The Atomic Lantern, eventually we'll use it.

You know, it's a discounted mistake that I made.

Not a $2,000 mistake.

Not a $2,000 home run.

Is she a big jewelry wearer?

No.

No.

No.

I also got her an iPad, too.

Oh, well, there you go.

I saved that for the end.

The lantern was

the one I was more excited for.

Because I thought

that was more meaningful to me than the iPad, though.

The little mini iPad.

Yeah, it was more meaningful.

Again, I was like, I noticed you were interested in this.

That is nice.

When paired with the iPad, it's pretty nice.

Thank you, Q.

Yeah.

Would you guys do anything special?

I have not celebrated Valentine's Day since high school.

It's one of those things that,

it's one of those things that, like, if she wants to celebrate Valentine's Day, then, then I'm in the wrong relationship type thing.

It's a, one of those red flags for me.

And you're, you, and you're on that, you're on that kind of mode for all those Hallmark holidays, right?

Mother's Day, Father's Day.

She's the same thing.

This is the thing.

He's got to buy his mom a lantern.

Yeah, you're skipping Mother's Day.

Mother's Day, you can't pull that.

You can't pull that?

Mother's Day.

Mother's Day, it's weird because it's weird.

My mom mom does like it.

Like that flowers.

Like, I'll send flowers on Mother's Day.

Dad's Father's Day, I can ignore it completely.

You can ignore it.

Happy since high school.

She's like, where are my flowers?

I can ignore Father's Day.

He doesn't give a shit.

My mother, she likes that sort of thing.

So

you'll make the exception for Mother's Day.

I'll tell you what.

I'll say this, Waldo.

If I was in love with a girl who is like, Valentine's Day does mean something and I couldn't talk her out of it, I would probably, I would probably bend to her will.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow.

Because what does it mean to me?

Nothing.

What does it mean to her?

Something?

So why wouldn't I do it?

But what if she's like,

maybe a lantern isn't good enough?

Like, and Fridays isn't good enough.

She's like,

we're going to New York.

Well, you got to read your target.

We're going.

Well, you're already in New York, so she wants that $2,000 home run.

She's not getting a $2,000 gift on Valentine's Day.

No?

Suck a dick.

Well, actually, yeah, suck a dick.

And you'll get that $2,000.

What day can she expect a $2,000 home run?

This is how I operate, Walt.

Any given Tuesday.

Everyone listen closely.

Any given Tuesday, you're going to get that $2,000 gift.

So you'd like to spring it

as a shock to

just

to liven it up out of nowhere.

Yes.

You'll hit a home run.

Yeah.

But don't expect me to get up to the plate on Valentine's Day with every other Joe Blow.

I'm not coming at you when you think I'm coming at you.

Well, you know what I do?

It's like, for me, it's like I will walk, I will, you know, maneuver through the world.

And if I see something specifically

for the girl of my dreams, I will buy it then and there.

And if it's close enough to a birthday, I'll try and save it, but I'm never good at that.

I'm always like, the second I get home, I'm like,

here, here, you know what I mean?

So I'm not good at that, but that's all right.

I think that's nice.

If somebody did that to me, I would immediately be like, what'd you do?

What did you do?

Yeah.

How How have you made a fool of me?

Am I wearing the horns?

When's the last time?

You cocked me.

When's the last time you went out and tried to swing for the bleachers on Valentine's Day?

Oh, my God.

You got up to the plate.

You were up there.

You were like Casey at the bat.

Faces loaded, two outs.

You spit that tobacco juice out there, and you just, you mono a mono against the pitcher, and you were up there to hit a home run.

Oh, and I succeeded?

Well, you tried.

You tried.

I mean, let's not even try, but let's not talk about succeeding.

I'll tell you when I tried and succeeded.

The year was 1992.

It was a girl I was first going out with, and we went to Le Fromagerais.

Yeah,

that's the fancy place around here.

Oh, I got to tell you.

On Valentine's Day, I would have rather went to Fridays.

But on Valentine's Day, you could expect it to be, you can't get a a seat, right?

No, it's going to be packed.

But you had a seat there.

I had a seat there.

How long ago?

How long in advance did you book it?

Probably like a month or so.

A month.

These days, I would just go to Char.

Char's my favorite.

Char's pretty good.

Yeah.

They always look at us like we're dog shit when we walk through the door, though, Cho.

Not anymore.

Have been there anymore.

Really?

It seems that the guy's like, oh, okay, you're not dog shit.

Oh, they haven't broken that barrier with me.

Every time I walk in, I feel like I've entered the wrong place.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No.

Yeah, we've won them over.

I think.

You just hang with me, man.

I'm wrong with you.

And I had bought flowers and brought them earlier that day so they were on the table.

And you were fresh flowers.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Not a drop of cough syrup in sight.

You were dressed nice.

I wore a suit.

You wore a suit?

I probably have pictures of it.

I'd have to dig, but I would please find those pictures.

I may have pictures of it.

And you got up that morning going like,

I'm going to hit a home run.

Well, I mean, not to sound cocky.

Well, she was a slut, so I knew it was.

I don't want to use that, but like the amount of detail, defined details, you were all about it.

Yeah.

And I got to say, in

full disclosure, the suit was not because

of...

I mean, I had this suit.

earlier only because I had seen goodfellas and I was like, I want to dress like a gangster because they look so cool in those suits.

So I I got a suit, so that's why I had it.

Turned out I didn't look like a gangster, I looked like a fucking idiot with long hair and a suit.

Yeah, that was probably the last time.

That was the last time, huh?

Yeah.

That wasn't Suzanne.

No.

Was she born by?

I don't remember.

No, that was not.

So, Suzanne's never seen

you swing for the fences on Valentine's Day?

Oh, not on Valentine's Day, but you've treated her, Jill.

You've taken care of Suzanne.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Seen those fences plenty.

The green monster.

All right, when we last checked in with Nature Box, Sage and I did a video.

NatureBox sent us a fish wrapped in newspaper in a box.

Kind of a threat, not really a threat.

I haven't seen Sage in five days, but you know what?

That's behind us.

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You did what you had to do, right?

To to get the commercials that you want.

So, what we're talking about here is naturebox.com/slash TESD for 50% off your first order.

That's pretty sweet.

No, that's really sweet.

I'm sorry, Naturebox.

I didn't mean to undersell you.

Now, what Nature Box, what you don't understand is like, I took that fish as sort of like a metaphor, right?

Like, you ever see a fish swimming backwards?

Because I haven't.

You don't see it swim sideways.

It doesn't move laterally.

No.

Fish moves forward, doesn't look back.

There's only the future and not even the present for the fish.

Fish doesn't live in the present.

Fish doesn't live in the past.

Sage, while she was here, she was great, all right?

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And come on.

What more do you need to know?

I wanted to.

I have a bit of fat news.

I normally don't get worked up about things.

Somebody came in today and told me that their favorite part of Tell Home Steve Dave is fat news.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I'll have to do it more often.

Or maybe because I do it only once in a while, it's a special treat.

It's like Q coming out of nowhere with a $2,000 run.

Everybody is marching, Q.

Marching around for stuff.

I just saw there was a day without immigrants.

Were you aware of this?

I heard about it because, first of all, I like people marching.

I like that.

I'm into it.

If they're in parades.

No, I dig it.

I dig all the protesting.

I think it's a good thing.

I do agree that if you

take it,

no, no, no, no, that's not.

No, no, that's not me.

That's not me fucking around.

Like, I actually think it's a good thing, man.

That's part of our country.

Like, I think it's a good thing that people are doing it.

I do think it's, I do think the people that got fired for for

walking out of their jobs yesterday should have been fired.

Why, what happened yesterday?

It was yesterday called.

I don't know if it was yesterday, but it was called, you know, Day Without Immigrants,

which is kind of misleading because if it's a day without immigrants, then it's pretty much everyone.

I think it's a day without illegal or undocumented or whatever you want to say.

Yeah.

So

there were certain companies, you know, like everyone who was, I guess, an undocumented worker was like, well, fuck it.

We'll show you you what it's like

when we're not part of the workforce,

which is substantial, you know?

And there was a guy who had a restaurant.

I read about another guy who had like some sort of bricklaying company.

Yeah.

And these people didn't show up.

And he's like, fuck you.

They're both like, fuck you.

Then you're fired.

And the one guy, the bricklayer guy, was like, look,

I've had these guys.

He's like, 20 years.

He's like, you know, I treat them like family.

He's like, when there was no work, I made sure that I paid them anyway.

He's like, I took care of them.

For them not to call me and tell me that they're not coming to work is a fuck you to me.

And it's just like, he fired him.

Yeah.

Is he taking a backlash now?

I don't know.

I mean, I didn't see any backlash.

I didn't see any backlash.

How did this story depends on the news site you're on?

There's got to be backlash.

How did this story make the papers?

Because I guess it was a big thing that people weren't going to work.

I didn't hear about it until after the fact.

But I agree with that.

I think you,

look, if you have sick days and you're like, I'm calling it sick today, but if you just don't show up to work and you don't like you deserve to get fired you do like get up like you have a job you have fucking responsibilities yeah

but some things have to trump that though right well look i am not wrong if if they're gonna protest and like i said i'm fine with it but it's just like you can't protest without consequences there are consequences like you didn't show up to work you didn't tell your boss you weren't coming in you left him hanging you lose your job yeah like when 11 line cooks at a restaurant don't just don't show up, you're like, what the fuck?

And then it's like, oh, stay without immigrants.

It's like, well, from now on, it's going to be.

Right.

Well, now the fucking waiters who depend on tips aren't getting paid.

Well, that's what this guy said.

It's like, so you're making...

They're making their point, though.

They got to make it.

They got to make it.

But you can't make a point without consequences.

Their point was made.

I got it.

But

here's another point.

It's fucking consequences when you do shit.

For some people.

For other people, can you get away with almost anything, it feels like, and there are no consequences.

Is that right?

Sure.

I think that there are certain people with enough

juice that

they can not show up, and there won't be no consequences for them.

It's those people who really have the consequences you got to feel for.

No, I don't have to feel for any of them.

Well, they're powerless, though.

They're not powerless.

They have a job.

They're earning money.

Well, they're powerless in that they, like, there's some people like, you know, if you, like, let's say you didn't want to show up to work.

Yeah.

And you didn't show up, you know, that you were, your ramifications would not be lost.

I would never call, I would never not call and be like, I can't make it today.

I would never leave in a time.

I want to know the protest that's going on that he doesn't show up to work.

Like, and I'll tell you what, like, I have a contract, I get paid no matter what.

If I don't show up for work, my crew, who are like a lot of them, day players, don't get paid that day.

So, what do you think would happen to you, though, really?

If I just didn't call, you wouldn't, nothing would happen.

No, I wouldn't get in trouble.

I get some concerned calls, but I wouldn't get in trouble.

But I wouldn't do it.

It would be so out of character.

It would be very bizarre for me not to do that.

Do you ever wish that you had

those feelings that you could be moved to do something like that?

Like, what could move you to get you out there to march?

I don't know if there's, I mean, I know that sounds horrible, but there's just nothing that...

What do you mean, horrible?

You're saying there's a person who would march with you.

Yeah, and it's like, well, I need that cause that would get me out there.

And I feel like if it, it would need to be something personal.

Like, I don't know, like,

let's say I had a family member who was sick and

this certain treatment is not available, they're not doing it.

You march to get awareness, like, you know, to look for causes or to make a certain treatment available to the public.

I would need something dire to move me rather than, you know, someone has to be dying before you get out of your chair.

No, it doesn't even know.

I respect people who could just be like, you know, they're like, it doesn't really affect them all that much, and they still are passionate enough to get out of your chair.

I don't know if that's necessarily true because, like, the

I think, I think, in general, people will march and protest for things that affect them on a personal level, unless they're fucking angry dickheads who just want to burn shit down, which it seems a lot of like, you know, protests are actually riots.

I mean, let's not kid ourselves.

Are they?

Yeah.

The Berkeley.

No, I said some.

Or maybe I said a lot.

A few.

Like the Berkeley thing.

Well, they call it the Berkeley riots.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But, you know, they're like, oh, we're protesting.

But we're running around with a mascot, burning shit down and all that stuff.

But, I mean, how deep do you want to go?

No, then they burn down a bench?

Cars?

No.

No, they're cars and they're smashing windows.

And they did like $2 million worth of damage.

But those are the ones that get the ink, though.

So you understand why they got to go take it a little bit further.

Because if you just do one where you just sit like a flower sit-in,

you're not going to get the ink, though.

It didn't work in the 60s.

I remember that.

No, you know it ain't going to work today.

I remember the Vietnamese.

Oh, look at him laugh and scoff at that as if he's making some fucking big point.

He just rose two inches on a chair.

Fucking so proud of him.

Levitating.

But you know, if you if you just had a piece of money.

I know you have to be an asshole today if you want to get the ink.

You're right.

Look at Stephen Hawking, making shit up.

No, you're definitely right.

And if you burn a bench, like you just throw a bench in a bonfire.

I mean, is that really like, like, are you really going to be outraged?

Am I outraged?

I'm not an outrage about Berkeley.

I don't give a fuck about any of it.

Like you say, are you going to define it as a riot if they burn something like

public property?

No, but when they're throwing things at cops and breaking windows and setting fires and it's like a large-scale event like that, that's a riot.

Burning a bench, setting a garbage can on fire.

No, it's misguided, but what are you going to do?

I mean, look, look at fucking, what's his name?

We've seen riot.

I mean, Martin Luther King Jr.

I mean, this is a guy that's all about peaceful these fucking idiots.

I just read an article that there's a, I can't remember what it's, UC Davis, maybe?

They're protesting Gandhi.

Not Gandhi, I'm sorry, Dalai Lama.

Yeah, but some people are saying that they have no other way to get heard than to

than to start wrecking shop, man.

Who is listening to that?

Like, do you take people seriously?

Look, like, say somebody like PETA.

I'm all for ethical treatment of animals, but when I see people shrink-wrapping themselves, like they're meat and blood all over the place, and all that shit,

it makes me take,

I don't take them as seriously.

Yeah, but you wouldn't a lot of people would never hear about PETA unless they were doing that stuff.

Yeah, and who are they hurting, though?

Like, what do you care if they shrink-wrap themselves with fitness?

I didn't say I care.

But you say you don't take them seriously.

I don't take the

people who go to such extremes seriously.

It seems like they're kind of whacked out.

Dalai Lama protested at UC San Diego called oppressive and offensive.

Okay,

real quick before you read that.

Okay, go ahead.

What's an approved Brian Johnson

show of

protest?

Yeah, what's a protest?

I love it.

What's a protest that you would deem

approved by you?

What happens?

They're all approved.

Any

people?

Well, you feel you're there, like you feel like, that's an appropriate.

To me,

I like the way that they did that.

that because you're not you're not digging the shrink wrapping i don't dig the shrink wrapping you don't dig them burning any benches yeah i don't dig riots um i don't dig people blocking traffic i'm glad that states are now starting to pass that like you can just drive right through this is good we're getting somewhere where what what can what can the what can these people who are feeling

you know that they need to do something what is something that like what is the the go-to method for you then that's going to get the most results for you that you would be like that i would be like all right now i'm sitting up and taking notice.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Not the cause.

I'm just talking about what they do while they're making their trying to get

here.

So what's their

I'm not talking about the cause that I'll get you to approve of.

I'm talking about like the actions that they take.

Hey, we're going to delivery method.

Yes, that's it.

Like they're going to cancel IJ.

Oh, no way.

Right.

How do we get that?

Get my march ahead.

How do we get the word out in a way that pleases Brian Johnson?

I shrink-wrap myself and I fucking burn down the true building.

Strap a bomb to your chest.

That's probably what I would do.

I'd go with a fake bomb collar.

But you have, but you really, you're really.

I'm not saying I have a better idea.

Yeah, because

they want to get there.

Shrink wrapping yourself is fine because it doesn't hurt anybody.

I'm not into shit that like somebody's standing there and all of a sudden, you know,

it's like somebody's getting hurt.

Or if you just disagree with them, like there was, I saw a video, some girl's talking to a person.

She happens to be a Trump supporter, and somebody just comes up and pepper sprays her out of nowhere.

Yeah, but that sucks.

That I agree with.

But what about that fucking white supremacy dude that they just jacked him in the face?

Like, isn't that pretty funny?

It is funny.

And if a motherfucker, if anybody deserves it, it's a fucking funny evil Nazi.

It becomes normalized, right?

So suddenly anybody you disagree with, and I've read

plenty of stuff where some people are espousing that method where it's like, if they support Trump, punch them.

Just punch them.

And it's like, I don't support anybody, so I don't got to worry about any fists coming my way.

But, you know,

that's the country.

You're allowed to support Trump if you want.

You don't have to.

Like, just in Atlanta, there was some sort of rally.

And there were a bunch of guys standing around because it's an open carry state, I guess, and they're standing around with

assault rifles.

Nobody's, no,

the Trump guys, like a couple of Trump guys who are for Trump, and nobody's punching them.

Well, yeah.

You know, so if you're going to punch people, don't punch people who are unaware.

Again, a sucker punch.

Yeah, sucker punching Nazi is acceptable, but it happens a lot.

But it happens a lot, man.

Unless you've got your Nazi armband on.

And you assign.

You have to be sure that it's a Nazi if you're punching them, though, right?

Yeah, I would advise not to punch anybody, but he was a well-known, like, alt-right guy.

Yeah, he was like apparently a famous piece of shit.

Yeah, so that guy getting punched, who gives a fuck, not me, but the person who's like wearing a Trump hat and somebody pulls it off their head and beats the shit out of them, like, I don't know.

That doesn't seem right.

No, that's not right.

You know, just like if somebody's wearing a Hillary hat,

if you're into Republican shit, you shouldn't be like that.

You don't really hear that, though.

You don't really hear, like, oh, I haven't heard it.

And that's strange, isn't it?

Like, wouldn't you think that Republicans being the ones that have the rep for,

you know, Second Amendment shit and fight for this and fight for that?

Like, you would think they would be the rough and tumble ones.

Because, you know why?

Because a lot of Democrats are young.

Yes.

And idealistic and angry.

Like Chris Labonto.

He's against cigars now for some reason, I saw.

Really?

What do you mean?

He was like, don't take pictures of yourself smoking cigars.

It doesn't look cool.

I'm like, is this guy like, what the fuck?

Are you allowed to have fun in Crystal Dano's World?

No, nope.

He's dealing with.

You thought I was a judgmental prick.

Oh, my God.

I'm like,

I'm like fucking burning down buildings compared to this guy.

Are you sure he's not taking it cause of like, because he doesn't want anybody to get cancer?

Well, what I did notice, though, you know what?

No, he doesn't give a shit about cancer.

He just doesn't like that you think you look cool.

I'm going to,

I'll let you guys be the judge of this, okay?

This was a Chris Ledondo tweet.

I can't believe it's...

I mean, maybe I haven't looked at it in a couple of days.

But he did, what he did was,

okay.

He talks a lot about dick.

All right.

All right.

Looks like a dick.

Might as well be dicks on their lips.

Dick pic, cock on the lips.

Dick and retro Bush insertation.

Dick break in the jungle.

Fat cock.

Carry on and suck that dick.

Broke back dick pic.

Smoking was never cool.

All you were doing is giving me your dick fantasies.

Nope.

That's an Italian sausage he's sucking on, also known as dick.

Now, he's anti-smoking.

No, it seems like he's anti-cock sucking.

Doesn't it?

All he's talking about, like now,

ultimate liberal lefty, shouldn't he be like, hey, man,

smoke on if it's a dick?

Why are you comparing it just because it's phallic?

And you're like, oh, well, you're like looking like like you had a dick?

Dick on your lip.

I mean, I don't want to live in a world where you can't say having a dick on your lips isn't hysterical.

Having a dick on your lips is great to say.

That's not my point.

It's funny.

I mean, you know.

But

should we expect better from Ghost Pussy?

Nah.

No.

He sounds homophobic to me.

Nah, he's not

at all.

I don't know.

I don't think so.

Isn't that homophobic to think it's funny to have a dick on your lips?

Yeah.

It's funny.

It sounds like like he's dick shaming to me.

I'll have to get to the bottom of it.

Do you remember when Marvel?

I don't know if they still do it.

Yeah, they still do.

So

none of their hero smoke.

Wolverine's not allowed to smoke.

Nick Fury's not allowed to smoke.

Graham's still not allowed to smoke.

Not allowed to smoke.

Wow.

So, I mean, maybe he's just taking that route because it's unhealthy.

Right.

He's like, I saw that Marvel did it, so I guess I'll get in on this.

Yeah, but it's funny that they're like, it is funny that they are like, well, you can't smoke because it's unhealthy.

But if you're overweight,

you're supposed to accept that.

You can't say, like,

they want full-body representation.

You can't be like, well, maybe we shouldn't put overweight people in comics because that's unhealthy, too.

Yeah, so the kingpin thins down.

Well, I'm sorry.

I don't get

it.

Well, you know how they say, like,

what's that comic right now?

Are there a lot of

with the big lady superhero?

There's a big lady superhero?

Oh, yeah.

What's her name?

I can't remember.

Faith?

Faith?

Is that her?

Yeah, from Valiant?

Yes.

You read that?

Oh, dude, I'm up to the comics.

I don't read it, but I'm aware of it.

And I know that everybody likes celebrates it because it's a thing.

But it's like, isn't being morbidly obese as unhealthy?

Have you seen Faith?

She's not morbidly obese.

She is morbidly obese.

Of course she is.

What?

I don't think we're talking about the same character then.

She's a blonde.

Yeah.

Yeah, no, she's just.

You don't think she's morbidly obese?

No.

But more importantly,

though,

and she had superpowers,

it doesn't matter, right?

Right.

I don't give a shit whether they do it.

But it's like to sit there and like applaud that.

You would consider that morbid?

That is morbidly obese.

Oh, God, yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

The line for morbidly obese is not that high.

I might be morbidly obese.

I'm not even fucking kidding.

100%.

But also, okay, but.

So, like, but what I'm saying is just like, and again, it's just like, it's great.

I get it.

Like, but like, to sit there and be like, well, smoking is bad because it's this, but then to celebrate being morbidly obese, which is far more dangerous, like, to me, that's like a weird double standard to me.

Yeah, but I think you've, I think you have to

weigh the celebration of that.

And you're, I'm using your words, to celebrate the obesity character by the fact that you are finally

casting a character who has a body type that may be more

in line with PB people are buying comic books.

I get it, but is this not

promoting and supporting?

I don't, look, I'm taking a stand.

We're just

a devil's advocate is what I'm doing.

Right.

Like, you're celebrating an unhealthy lifestyle that's no more and no less unhealthy than smoking that cigar.

What's an even more unhealthy lifestyle, though, going and putting a costume on on and fighting crime?

Now you're talking.

Now let's get into it.

That doesn't sound healthy to me.

Right.

So it's even more.

You're celebrating us.

All that violence?

How many people has Wolverine killed?

Right.

But they're going to make him stop smoking cigars, but he can still kill people.

Psychologically damaged lifestyle.

It's fucked up.

I agree.

Right.

But we don't ever sit there and stop to think about that.

No, but I didn't say anything about the cigarettes either.

I liked them.

I thought it was, I like them smoking.

I'm just saying, like, it's funny where the line is drawn.

And that is, in my humble opinion, the problem with the world today is these weird lines are drawn.

You have to adhere to these lines, even if they don't completely make sense once you look into it 100%.

Yeah, lines have been drawn since

society began, though.

You've got to have lines.

If there are no lines,

then this shit goes.

I'm not disagreeing with you.

I'm not going to be able to chaos, though.

I'm not disagreeing with you.

You got to have lines.

Got to have lines.

I think I figured it out.

You were like, what's an appropriate response?

I think all fatties should march from the east coast to the west coast

and put me on the front of that fucking line because I could use another fucking 20 pounds.

I'll start at the front.

I'll end up in the back in less than three minutes.

I also get annoyed, though, with

the intelligence, or not the intelligence, but the

preachiness, the holier-than-thou thing of companies being like, do they really think that

readership is so

sheep-based that they're like, oh, Wolverine smokes?

I like Wolverine.

I'll smoke too.

I mean, has there

anybody buying a comic book that's ever been prompted to smoke because they saw a character smoking in a comic book?

To me, that just seems ludicrous that

you would take that stance that, like, anybody, if there's one person that we can stop from smoking,

we'll make these characters not smoke then.

i don't know but then they're saying well kids are now you're back to not not scary farm remember you're like you got to take it you can't do the ride because uh you know people with mental health issues are offended well now people you know now they're taking away people's cigars they already did take they're letting fat chicks jump around in spandex it's crazy what's this world coming to

yeah yeah and i and i'm all for it look and i get the realistic version of it which is just like there's always going to be fat people so why shouldn't they have superheroes that represent how they look?

I get it.

Because realistically.

No, what I'm saying is if I don't have a problem with the cigars, and I don't, I definitely don't have a problem with, what's the name?

Faith?

Faith.

Being fat.

It doesn't mean nothing to me.

Like, I'm fine with it.

Casper mattresses, come on.

We've already said there's nothing better to fuck on than a Casper mattress or jerk off on or,

you know, well, not on it.

Like you're laying out.

Like, like, don't do it on the actual mattress because then you got to clean it up.

I'm saying, don't like, you know, stand over it and jerk off, jerk off on it, put like a tarp on yourself, maybe.

If you're a girl, put a tarp under yourself.

You know what?

Just wrap yourself in a tarp and jerk off on a Casper mattress.

You're going to get $50 towards any mattress purchase by visiting casper.com/slash T-E-S-D.

They are an engineered mattress at a shockingly fair price.

You're going to go into shock.

They've got supportive memory, foam, best invention of 2015, although Walt would argue that point.

What else am I looking for?

It's fucking comfortable, man.

It comes in a box.

You just order it.

It's so easy and it's comfortable.

Adaptive pillow,

soft breathable sheets.

They've got it all.

Casper has everything

that you need.

to

lay down and go to sleep, you know, or jerk off, masturbate, whatever your thing is.

Try for 100 nights risk-free in your own home.

If you don't love it, they'll pick it up and refund you everything.

And then probably ship it off to some,

you know, less fortunate country so people can jerk off there since everyone loves jerking off.

But casper.com slash TESD.

Boom.

Your idea.

Oh, man, I don't know if I could say this.

You remember your idea for recasting clerks?

Oh, yeah.

It was a fucking.

I wish wish Kevin had done that.

He did recently say that he's not making Clerks 3 because one of the leads wouldn't do it.

And I don't think he said who it is, but your idea was to replace that lead with Precious.

And I thought that if Kevin had done that,

not mention it.

That would have been, to me,

that would have been a fucking must see.

I mean, a musty anyway because it's Clerks 3, but like everybody would have been talking about it.

To just without mentioning it, replace

a fucking 30-year franchise, the lead, with a a fucking gender-swapped,

morbidly obese black woman.

It would have been fucking genius.

I wish Kevin had done that.

But it sounds to me like Ghostbusters, though.

No, why?

Because they do that with Ghostbusters, though?

No.

Well, that's he replaced the whole cast with.

Well, Ghostbusters.

My problem with Ghostbusters wasn't that they were female.

But one of the girls was

kind of big.

Well, the problem with Ghostbusters was not that she was females.

Yeah, Leslie Jones.

Melissa McCarthy?

No, I think Melissa McCarthy, the the fellow.

Well, a lot of them didn't have.

Well, none of the Ghostbusters had the where you could look at and be like, well, they're so hot.

That's why we're going to go see Ghostbusters.

To be fan, neither did the original.

No, I mean, but you gave up props for that.

They weren't like, okay, we're going to make Ghostbusters.

We're not going to make sexy Ghostbusters.

We're going to go with

average Ghostbusters.

But that wasn't the problem.

The problem was it wasn't in tone with the first movie and it wasn't a continuation of the first two movies.

I was

seen in tone.

It was not in tone with the first Ghostbusters.

How?

How is it not in tone?

What are you talking about?

Dude, at one point, Alyssa McCarthy's riding around on a fucking proton bag going, whoa,

whoa, while the friends are sitting there cracking jokes.

What are you talking about?

There was nothing even remotely to that.

There was none of that in any of the first two?

There was none of that kind of thing where they're like when they shot the guns, they didn't fly backwards.

No, there wasn't.

There wasn't.

I could have sworn there was, where they had

the first time they shot it,

the force of In the ballroom, yeah, and they went out of control.

You don't see the difference between not being able to control the beam for a few minutes until they get used to it and riding it around like a rodeo in a back alley while your friends crack jokes.

In 1984, they couldn't do what they did.

That's why they didn't.

But there's none of those tone of jokes in the original Ghostbusters at all.

At all.

You know how the first one would have done that?

Is if they lost control of the beam and instead of shutting it off right away, they were like, whoa, whoa.

And they're like fucking knocking each other's clothes off with it and shit like that.

No, but that would have been the tone.

That was it.

She's literally riding it around like a horse in a back alley.

It's a nuclear device that they all just got warned about.

And our friends, instead of being concerned at all, are like, whoa, wack-a-wah.

It's a comedy, though.

Yeah, but it's not the same tone as the originals at all.

Absolutely.

So

there wasn't enough ghosts.

Was there not enough?

What was it then?

See, to me, it felt like the same, like the heart was there.

and i just felt they had too many obstacles to over to overcome to to

to to um capture no the audio you know to get that

it did hit it at times like remember the first time they turned on the proton pack and it fizzled and kind of went down yeah like that to me was a joke that would have fit in the first in the first did you see it in the movies or you see it on no no no i saw it on like a plane on a plane um how did you think of thor wasn't he awesome well

not really no no like thor he was so good at it.

He's going to answer a phone and he's going to try to reach through a fish tank to hit the fucking phone.

He's bumping his hand into a fish tank, trying to reach a phone underwater

as opposed to the phone that's right on the desktop.

That's what they're doing, right?

Yeah, making a shitty comedy.

I understand exactly.

But they're making a statement about dumb blondes, but they're just flipping that switch, man.

They're flipping it on, showing you, like, hey, you know, they're flipping the mirror.

But they didn't do it well.

I thought he was really good at it.

I thought he was so.

In dance sequence.

You like that dance sequence?

I heard that

he was the only good part of the entire movie.

He was the only funny.

No, I liked Leslie Jones in it.

Again, like the way she joined the team was like, they turn around and she's in the office and she's like, I'm part of the team now.

She quit a city job with fucking benefits and pension to join a team that just was like, all right, she's just part of the team.

It just, it was no.

What did you think of the old Ghostbusters coming in?

Did you like that?

Horrible.

Horrible.

The only one, Ernie Hudson was good.

I liked Ernie Hudson's.

He was good.

It would have been better if they rode Proton Packs around.

Oh, dude,

it was a tough watch.

Is it?

And I wanted to like it.

I don't.

Really?

You think

if they had made a good ghost?

Are you going to sit there and honestly say you wanted to like it?

Yeah, of course.

Why would I not?

Yeah.

Yeah, all right.

I got the idea you were a hater, too.

Like, you're like, you're ruining my childhood.

No.

No, I said that when they killed Han Sol, but just because I was in grief.

Have they killed?

Or how much of a setback is it before they touch the franchise again now?

They can't make a sequel to that.

No, they never will, obviously.

There's

too much politics.

It all was politics in my eyes.

Well, Sony fucked that up,

and then the movie just wasn't good.

It just wasn't good.

I mean, you know what?

I'm definitely in a minority here.

Obviously, a lot of people feel the way you do, but now how long does it take before they can touch the franchise again?

How much do they have to let that taste dissolve in everyone's mouth before they can go back and be like, all right, Ghostbusters, here we're going to roll it out again now?

Well, they either have to do it right away and fucking do it right and do it well.

You mean with four funny guys?

Sure.

Get some dudes in there, strap on the Proton Packs, and it has to be a content.

Or, well, I heard they're doing the animated movie.

And that's

a theatrical release or is that something like one of those things that's like right to Walmart and shit?

Probably right to Walmart.

Who knows?

There's no way, why even bother?

Why even bother?

I agree.

But you're also taking, like, you say, Leslie Jones is funny.

I'm not familiar with any of her stuff, but you think she's funny?

Yeah, every time I've seen her on Saturday Live, I liked her.

Kristen Wigg, funny.

Melissa McCarthy, funny.

Who was the fourth one?

Kate McKinnon.

What has she been on?

She's on Saturn Live.

Okay, so

why couldn't that?

It's just a shitty script.

Because if you have four funny women, then they should be able to make it work.

It was not a good script.

It was

not, I don't know.

It just was not.

It was not like

they should not have abandoned.

They shouldn't have made it its own continuity.

That would have been fucking great.

And the tone was so off, dude.

It was not at all like the original movie.

It was like, the ghost, how the fuck do the ghosts look worse today than

they did 25 years ago?

Like, they looked better back then.

How's that possible?

It doesn't make any sense.

The villain was horrible.

Like, why is there even a villain?

Like, a nerd who got picked on too much and he wants to fucking kill people?

Like, what are we talking about?

Like, why is that in the movie?

And what is with the dance sequence?

I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

I was like, he really thought it was a good idea to put a fucking dance sequence in Ghostbusters?

It's the mark of a fucking movie that's going to annoy people.

See, I thought

that was a nod to the video.

The Ray Parker Jr.

video.

I thought that was, again, just them being like, you know what?

People loved it

when we danced in the video.

Why won't they love it now?

So So put it in another video because it's a movie.

Because it's a movie.

It's a movie.

Yeah.

And Thor was good

when it didn't go too far.

He was funny.

I like the jokes that they made about him, but like that shit with trying to answer a phone in a fish tank.

I'm just like, what is happening?

Like, what am I watching?

All right.

I mean, we talked about Ghostbusters.

Get back to the Dalai Lama.

Now, Dalai Lama, widely regarded regarded as a fairly chill dude.

Yeah.

He's always, I mean, he wrote a book, you know, how the art of happiness or whatever.

He's very calm and serene.

Like he comes from a country that's been completely taken over and subjugated.

Hey, watch your mouth.

Uh-oh.

You don't know if a student at the University of California, San Diego is listening.

They claim the Tibetan leader is oppressive.

Chinese students are leading objections to the event, which will see the Dalai Lama give a commencement speech.

They've claimed that his presence is offensive because of his campaign to make Tibet more independent, contrary to the communist government's position that Tibet is a region of China under their control.

Arguments over Tibetan independence have raged for decades, but this dispute is remarkable because activists are conducting it through the language of social justice.

So let me.

Okay, this is one student on Facebook says, so you guys protest against Trump because he disrespects Muslims, blacks, Hispanics, LGBT, et cetera, but invites this oppressor,

misspelled, to make a public speech.

The hypocrisy is appalling.

So if I understand this correctly, it's Chinese people who came from China to go to college here,

and they're mad that the Dalai Lama is like, look, we don't want to be part of China.

We want to make Tibet an independent nation.

That's what they're mad about.

And they're appalled by it.

So

that's it, right?

Well, they don't.

And they've protested every last person they can protest.

They don't agree.

Look,

he doesn't agree with their point of view.

Thus, it's time to protest.

Okay.

They consider the Dalai Lama a threat to stability in China, akin to a terrorist who wants to split the country.

Is Tibet that big?

I didn't think it was.

China's pretty big.

I thought Tibet was a very small part.

And isn't Pakistan?

They want it too?

I have no clue.

Is the Dalai Lama been

has been...

That's a mantle, right?

Like, there's been many Dalai Lamas, right?

I'm not really familiar.

How many Dalai Lamas are there?

Let's see.

Maybe they're right.

Cool, man.

Maybe they're fucked.

Maybe those students are right.

What do I know?

Look, they're entitled to their point of view.

Why shouldn't they protest?

What's your problem with protest, bro?

They fucking protest everything, man.

What else are they going to do?

Let them come.

Fucking, you know what?

You're lucky.

Assuming they're from China and they got here and you're in a country that

allows protests.

I mean, for fuck's sake, it's like people just...

Are you telling me you don't think people look for shit to get pissed at?

I know they do.

Right.

Yeah, but why are you going to get pissed at?

But the man who won't protest anything is mad about anybody who'll protest at anything.

That's not true.

I'll tell you what I protested.

I probably am the only one at this table who's ever been in a march.

You ever been in a march?

Does the St.

Pastor's Day Parade count?

No.

Oh, then no.

Okay.

Back

right after

9-11,

when we're about to enter the war with Iraq, I was at my brother's place in San Francisco.

And

yeah, we had some flowers on our hair.

We got really stoned at this park, and this march happened by.

They were marching against the Iraq war.

And I was like, right after 9-11?

No, it was like whenever we got into it, it was after 9-11.

Right.

It was when we started mixing up with Iraq.

And it might have been like 2004 or something.

And we saw these people marching by, and I was like, fuck it, let's join.

I guess technically, I don't have any signs or anything, but I was just so stoned.

I was like, I've never been in a march before.

I'll do it.

What the fuck?

So we marched around a little bit, and then I was like, all right, that's enough marching.

Yeah.

But I did it.

You did it.

You protested the war in Iraq.

Yeah.

This aggression will not stand.

Yeah.

I was sick of it.

Tired of it.

Not tired of the Dalai Lama, though.

Let me see.

Well, first, hold on.

Here's a list.

14.

I thought thought you were going to segue right into a commercial right there.

14 Dolly.

I don't even know what the commercials are this week.

All right.

But the fat news.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

This is something that maybe I can get behind.

I'm very, very upset about this.

Have you ever heard of the show This Is Us?

No.

Okay.

Evidently, it's pretty popular, right?

Cool.

I'm going to start a movement.

All right.

The acronym works out.

It's Fatties Fatties Against Tricksters.

So

we're going to call our group Fat.

Fatty's Against Tricksters.

Right.

And

here's where the trickiness comes in.

I guess people are very upset because it's a show about super fat people.

Okay.

Like that lady.

Yeah.

And the guy who plays the husband

isn't as fat as he pretends to be.

He wears a fat suit.

No.

Yes.

Now this is a job that could be going to another actor, like, say, me.

Well, you're not her husband.

Is it a reality show?

No, no, it's not a reality show.

Oh, okay.

Oh, shit.

She said that she's defending it, the fat wife.

She said, hi, fat washing?

Yeah.

I think they're trying to

erase us fatties from history.

We test a lot of gentlemen who are bigger.

I get it.

People think the authenticity is kind of ruined by that, but Chris has been heavier.

So I think he understands the plight of being overweight.

Like, now she has to explain it why he's like, he's not that fat, but he required a little extra padding.

I guess this is them.

He's not fat enough.

That's him without padding?

I think that's him with a little belly padding.

But you can tell by like his neck and face and his arms that

the dude is

not like he's not a pin, for Christ's sakes.

So I don't understand your position.

What side are you on here?

I'm.

What was I?

Because I could see you going either way with this.

I don't know where we're landing.

Yeah, I'm mad that

this fat guy is wearing padding.

I don't know.

Maybe I'm not.

Maybe just like everything else, people wear prosthetics.

And,

you know, superheroes can't really fly.

And not everything's a fucking documentary.

So you don't have to get mad.

But here it is.

The fat community.

They're upset.

He's a phony.

Just remember when that fat model got thin?

Yeah.

Everyone got mad at her, and then she put on some more weight again.

Yeah.

It's a vicious circle, man.

That would mean that we that

Santa Clauses in the malls across America would not be able to wear

a little bit extra padding.

Hey, if I have my way, that's ending.

Skinny Santa's all around this year.

Unless you're fat.

Give the job to real fat people.

This is a.

You know what?

Day without fat people.

Now, what is everyone?

Where are you going to not show up to?

the restaurant industry just shut up yeah

the line cooks are like all right we're here and we're like guess what we don't need you all the fucking fatty stayed home

oh man but there's a there's something coming up a day without women now no yep doing what i don't know i guess they're they're fighting for their rights The rights that they don't get, I'm not sure what they are, but

you're really plugged in, huh?

Today I am.

Yeah, this shit I don't even care about anymore.

Day without a woman.

Let's see.

It's a strike, Q.

What?

You have a woman on your queue.

I mean, on your show.

I was there.

Most of my crew is there.

I was going to say, there were a lot of them.

They're not showing up.

You're going to have to fire them.

No, my crew.

The strike is planned for March 8th.

In the spirit of women and their allies coming together for love and liberation, we offer a day without a woman.

I'll tell you what, what, though, if members of my crew came to me, if Shay came to me and said,

I want to go to this march,

I would move the schedule for her.

I don't even think they're marching.

I think they're hanging out.

They can hang out.

Shay can hang out if they want.

I would move the schedule so that she could have her day.

But Shay would not, Shay is a member of my crew.

Shay would not just not show up for work.

She wouldn't do it.

Do you think she would even be like,

I want to do this thing?

I don't think she would do that.

But if she did, I would be like, all right, so

we'll change the day.

Shoot another day.

Look at you.

You're so woke, man.

What would you do?

It's a day off of me.

What would you do?

What the fuck?

Let's take the whole week.

Let's do a woman's month.

It's not really going to

affect the stash too much.

You know, Mike and McGinnem.

Mike and McGinnam will probably be here, I think.

What if it goes a step further?

Unless they're

so passionate, you know, that they want to support the cause.

I mean, I get it.

I mean,

it's fine.

I can handle it.

What's the cause?

The day without women?

Day without autism?

No, I didn't ask what it is.

What's the cause?

Like, do you know what?

What exactly is it that they're

what statement are they making?

Well, they're making a statement.

It's like, don't take us for granted.

We'll show you how much

you do depend

on us.

So.

You know how I plan to celebrate it?

I'm gonna go to the deli to get a sandwich instead.

You don't taste the feelings inside.

It's floating

it out.

Everyone knows

nothing on the road.

But inside,

it's I,

yeah, I'm buried where I'm holding up.

I'm buried where I'm holding inside.

Blind light.

Yeah, I tried

and I'm billion in and all the way.

Force it down or force it out like it, like it.

Everywhere I go, I am the proof, I am the proof, I am the proof, I am the proof of me.

And we hope it's alright.

And we hope it's okay.

And I won't stop lying to get to the truth.

So I can see your world eyes.

You mean

you hear what I sold you, told you

it ain't going the way I'm supposed to lie here.

You leave me loving but the bones and the building stacks of stones.

Well, I lie with,

well I lie away.

And I know

tell him all it's alright,

and it's deceiving nothing.

Tell me what I find a way I know

Cause I won't stop lying to get to the truth You're away, you're aware

I slid under you a full

frontal amount

most of the time

Yeah, I fool

bronto emotion Yeah, I'm more

Tell him all sorry

It's deceiving nothing

Tell me how to find a way I know

Cause I won't stop lying to get you the truth.

You're everywhere,

everywhere, you're everywhere.

I'm siding on the useless

beside him, tied so easily.

It's inside,

but he feels weird.

And those away, kneeling in the dark, he's alive,

live,

bulk away.

One more, there's no one there to watch him go, no one there, watch him go slow.

And

yeah, he's farther away, farther away.

All the

things he keeps making all the light and he goes slowly, sloating.

Never a way I like the old tonight.

Tell him, tell him all it's alright.

It's deceiving not this.

Tell me why I'll find a way I know.

Cause I don't won't stop lying.

Guessing the truth, you're everywhere.

Everywhere, you're everywhere.

I'll die the money.

You will know.

Yeah,

I'm building up, yeah,

where I'm building up, yeah,

I'm building up, yeah,

I'm holding up, yeah, where I'm holding up, yeah,

Yellow claim that you need him

Yellow claim you believe him

Yellow claim that you need him

Yellow mind

Yellow mind is fine

my dear one bit, my dear, my dear, my

bitch, my

water,

my

water,

when you are

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