#324: The Verdict

How could you get that excited about being white?

Now I feel even better about that semen I have stored in my room.

Come on, COAT.

Come on, Coat.

Tell me what you got, Coat.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

Q.

Yo.

You're supposed to be my friend.

Yeah.

Before I bought a Wrangler, why did you not tell me that with a Wrangler comes this social convention in which you're supposed to wave to every other motherfucker in a Wrangler?

You don't like the wave?

I wasn't aware of it.

Oh, I love the wave.

I had to go get the license plates, and the guy putting the plates on starts telling me about

the wave.

Because I know, like, on a motorcycle, you know, you're always, you know, you panel, hey, what's up?

Motorcycles, boats, and Wrangler.

And Wrangler.

Yeah.

Is this the kind of car that you would have on the back, like a tire thing that says have a nice day?

Yeah, it's what I drive.

That's not what my cover was.

Is that what the covers usually say?

Is that the car that I have?

Life is good.

Life is good.

That's those kinds

of back of a Wrangler.

Well, if David the photographer owns it, yeah.

This archetype photographer on comic book men, whenever you're like, hey, what's up?

He's like, life is good.

And I just want to knock him on his ass.

I want to be like, stop it.

You don't think life is good?

Oh, but yeah, a jeep.

How bad can it be?

How bad can it be with your Jeep?

I was sputtering and

shocking into insensibility.

Really?

Kind of question.

What happened to your batman cover?

Somebody stole it?

Let's just.

How do I say this?

It's hard for me to say things like this anymore, but

you were in an urban neighborhood?

No, no, no, no, no.

I had to put an IJ one in the back.

I just had to.

No, no.

Take it by an extra one.

You true muscled him into it.

No, I got nothing on that.

No.

It just made the car a little bit more recognizable.

People saw the Batman.

They got followed home

a couple of times, and that was that.

So I had to get rid of it.

Huh.

Too high-profile, Batman.

I loved it.

You would think there'd be enough Batmans out there, though, that people wouldn't immediately.

Red Wranglers with the Batman symbol on it

was very specific, I learned.

Yeah,

I would not be down with the mandatory wave to every fool that drove by that just happened to have the same brand of car I did.

But it's not the same brand, right?

It's not like if you see somebody in a Cherokee,

you turn your head the other way, like a Harley would turn to a rice burner.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I don't, I think you're looking, I think you're picking it up by the wrong handle, Folkie.

What is the proper handle to pick it up by?

It's a friend.

Like, it's a society.

You know, it crosses all social and racial boundaries.

A Wrangler.

Yeah.

See someone driving it.

You're like, hey, man.

Well, what about social economic?

Yeah.

Socioeconomic.

Of course.

Really?

It's not the higher end of

the Jeep market?

Not at all.

No.

I think it's like the Rubicon and the Sahara are more expensive.

Well, it's the sport, as I understand it, sport, Sahara, Rubicon.

Right.

But the Sahara and the Rubicon, you look at it and you're like, what am I going on Safari?

Like, I don't need all this shit, brush guards and winches and all kinds of stuff.

Well, the reason that I got a Sahara, I just cut this off before we get there naturally, is because of

the interior.

You know, all you get, the bells and whistles on the bottom.

Like a crocodile hunter over here.

He's winching an alligator out of the swamp.

Yeah.

That's not a knife.

That's not a knife.

Oh!

This is a knife, son.

Yeah.

I didn't get the Rubicon because there's no difference on the bells of the body.

Did you ever go off-rodin?

Not by traditional method.

He's been drinking.

Shoulder gets in an off-roading.

I woke up on a doctor's lawn once.

So if you count that

Sahara and a Sahara, isn't it?

Yeah.

I went off-road and

first time I've ever been off-road and ever, I went to Prius?

No, my wife's, I don't know what kind of car my wife has.

I can't remember.

It's like almost like a car.

Is it in a route four?

I don't know what it is.

I can't remember now.

But

we took a ride up.

Didn't know anything about it, only on Mike's recommendation to the town that time forgot.

My kid and I are doing the weird New Jersey tour.

Like, she she wants to do weird New Jersey things and take photographs there.

She's doing some sort of project.

She'd ask if Uncle Bry could come along.

She might have to.

Just a Weird New Jersey tour?

Yeah.

No, she didn't ask if Uncle Bry was a free that afternoon.

I was just wondering.

I have a four-wheeling vehicle.

So

we've done two stops in the Weird New Jersey tour.

The first one is

a midget house in brick.

Oh, I love it.

And after we finally found it, I was just like, I wanted to explode and be like, I can't fucking believe we just drove down here to see this piece of shit.

Like, give me, like, how does this worthy of being in a magazine?

I was so angry.

It's the best the midgets could do.

It's terrible.

It's just like a little.

Yeah, it's like a little shed.

It's barely.

It's not.

No midget really lives in there or has ever lived in there.

I thought it was like a midget town.

No.

No, just a midget shed, huh?

So I asked Mike, I was like, where did you...

You told me about this.

Asshole.

What the fuck?

That's deserted.

Oh, a deserted midget town.

No,

this could be a town of

normal people could live in this town if they wanted to, but I don't know why.

I didn't ask enough questions about it because, first off, it's not a fucking town.

I expected a town, like at the small town, the deserted buildings, houses.

And I should have asked why it was deserted to begin with, but I didn't.

So Mike's over 2 so far.

Well,

Mike did not recommend the midget house.

I knew about the midget house for some reason.

I knew about it.

I looked it up online and we found it.

But

the town that Time Forgot is just one street.

It's a street.

It's a street.

That Time Forgot.

It should be, yeah, the street that Time Forgot and the street with only five houses on it.

And the houses are just empty?

I mean, you could see that over at Marlborough.

Exactly.

Exactly.

It took an hour and a half drive to see this street.

and was so upset that we were just like, well, there's got to be other stuff around here.

We'll just drive around.

And we got caught taking a,

I mean, we're talking, it's in the middle of nowhere.

A bunch of midgets came running.

And some car was following us, and we couldn't find our way back to the main road.

So I took this turn off an off-road, took us on a real off-road.

Like, there was no pavement.

And that car was following us.

And my wife and my kid were getting so.

Oh, so Debbie was invited, too.

Yeah, she was invited.

Her mother was invited.

Yeah, I was wondering.

Get that.

Well, maybe me and Kate will go on our own fucking

weird New Jersey tour.

Do you like midget houses?

No, not you.

Kate.

Kate, who doesn't want to go with that?

Maybe she'll want to go with her cool guy.

Debbie here.

Well, you know what?

You can come.

No, I'm all right.

Come to the midget house.

I got to be honest with you.

I don't think there's anything in the Weird New Jersey tour that's worth seeing.

Oh, man.

That's a bummer because you really like that magazine.

No, I don't.

You sell it here.

I sell it here.

Don't you endorse every single thing that you sell here?

I got to be honest, every time I looked at it, I was like, this magazine is laid out really odd.

It's like it's hard on the eyes.

It's not like

the layout, you need a new

magazine layout.

Here's the problem with New Jersey and a lot of these urban exploration type things is anything really cool was knocked down like five to ten years ago.

Otherwise, you're like.

I went to Centralia in Pennsylvania where there was like a they used the

the thing in

no

you're close not Hills Have Eyes but

fuck what was that other movie it has it's a it was based on a video game through monsters and shit with like the triangular head not doom

Resident Evil not Resident Evil

Silent Hill

Silent Hill where there was an underground fire due to like an explosion a mining explosion

yeah and then all the um the heat like bubbled up through the ground so the tar and shit is all bubbly and the houses everybody had to evacuate

sinkholes and then yeah and then you go there and you're like

again it just looks like a bunch of robots kind of it was far bro and like just sort of steam coming out of the the ground and you're like

i could have looked at this on youtube right yeah well at the time i don't think youtube was that popular but still i might have been able to yeah

yeah i could have saved a a trip.

One time it did have a lot of, you know, people because people didn't want to move out, so there was a lot of houses and everything.

And they finally just did a massive buyout and just demolished the houses as soon as they bought them all out.

Like the whole write-up, I'm going, like, if this is a whole town that's deserted, why don't they just let homeless people move into this town?

I was saying.

I was telling, like, we were trying to figure out why would a town, I was like, and you know, I worried about like maybe it was

pollution or, you know, like a

like

black mold or something.

something.

Why would a town need to be deserted?

And we're like, should we even be going up here?

Are we in harm's way?

Mike wouldn't push you in harm's way.

Well, I mean, I know Mike likes to wear New Jersey, so he would take the risks.

He's an adventurer, Mike.

He's a trailblazer.

He would take the risks

to see the town that time forgot.

So you guys went.

Let me make the very fine distinction between off-roading and going on a dirt road.

Because

there's dirt roads where you can cut through

by Navisink River Road.

That's off-road.

It's kind of like off-road.

I knew he was boasting.

There's no pavement.

There's no concrete anywhere.

There's no pavement.

This is all dirt with big holes.

Technically, it's a road, though.

Potholes?

Potholes.

Yeah, technically it's a road because you can see the street sign.

There's street signs, but I'm like, who's even bothering to come back here?

who would be even, but there was a car following us, and they were so freaked out because we came to a bridge, and two cars can't fit over the bridge at the same time.

So, the car that's following us, we turned around, I turned around, I was like, oh, he stopped following us.

I wonder where he went because there's no other place he could go.

We went over the bridge, and we came to a tree was down the road.

We had to come back the other way, and they were so worried about the car that

didn't follow us, what happened to it.

It turned out

we figured out he just stopped and was just fishing in a pond.

He did a little off-roading and then went fishing

in their head that he was like he was dissecting a body or something.

It's an odd first thing to jump to.

Well, it's weird, New Jersey.

There's a lot of movies, bro.

Is that the first thing you think about?

You only hear the banjo playing?

No, not really.

I mean, life experience is just squealing two minutes later.

Yeah,

you don't think of a Ned Beatty scenario where you're.

Maybe I think about it, but not in a fearful way.

Well, you're excited.

Waving out my brain with windows just open.

Did you watch a Super Bowl?

Yeah.

I think.

It was something.

That was some ending.

Yeah, I was telling you before, I was like,

heart pounding.

And my heart doesn't pound only if I'm watching the Devils.

So for it to make my heart pound,

it's got to be an amazing game.

And only sports can do that, in my opinion.

There's no other form of entertainment that can make a heart heart pound than sports.

Movies?

Not a chance.

When's the last time the devils made your heart pound?

2012.

Oh, okay.

Maybe a roller coaster.

Okay,

that's more of a physical thing.

But I wouldn't call that a television show or a movie or something you sit down and watch.

That's pretty crazy, man.

Well,

you got your money's worth on that on Sunday.

It's free.

It's free.

Free.

It's like broadcast free.

Everybody gave up on the game.

Every single person I know is like, this game sucks.

I'm done.

Well, it seems like a lot of people walked away third quarter or third.

Did I walk away?

I walked away.

I guess I watched

like the last four minutes of the second quarter.

Are they quarters or halves?

Quarters.

Quarters.

And halves.

And then Gaga came on.

Yeah.

And I was impressed with her lack of message.

Her message was very

light.

It was like one of inclusiveness, but there was no fucking hardcore bullshit.

Put a tour on sale the next day.

She was fucking fancy.

I didn't know that at the time.

No, there was apparently rumors she was going to go after Trump, and it was going to be satanic and all this other.

I did not hear that rumor.

Why is she, why on earth would she have something satanic?

Is she known for satanic music with that fucking dream?

No, no, it was no.

Non-satanic music would be a satanic message.

It would be a satanic message, is what that was what I was saying.

Why is she, again, is she associated anyhow with the devil in her music?

No, I just think with her, like the whole meat dress and going for

shock and, like, awe, that people thought someone, I guess, was.

I would just watch a while, but like, well, I know what she's going to do, something satanic.

And people, because no one knew what she was going to do, and that's what they were running for.

That was the go-to.

I don't.

Well, no, it was satanic.

One was satanic, and one was definitely anti-Bush.

Bush.

I mean, anti-Trump.

That'd be great if she started ripping on that.

Like he's in the wheelchair with that smile, and she just starts ripping into him.

I don't know.

I've seen a couple of lip slips and she's definitely anti-Bush.

Kaboom, boy.

Yeah.

No way.

I never thought she was going to do anything.

You didn't think she was going to make at least one step.

See, I thought she was in a no-win situation.

Why?

Because if

she does perform and she doesn't say anything anti-Trump,

then there's a lot of people who are like, you had an opportunity.

Yeah, you had a platform.

You could have let people know that, you know, everybody doesn't like Trump.

How else are we going going to know?

Let you follow Chris LaDondo on Facebook.

I got to say, I muted that motherfucker.

I muted him.

I'm here to say it publicly.

I had to.

Because otherwise, I'm going to stop liking the guy.

On Twitter?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Which means I kind of muted him in life, unless I see him here.

Every morning when I walk in, Mike is like, oh, did you see what LaDondo posted this morning?

I'm like, you know what?

I've gotten fed up with him.

And I'm like, I stopped, like, I almost did mute him on Facebook.

I think LaDondo would be best served.

He should either move to a sanctuary city.

I think he lives in a sanctuary city.

Staten Island?

Sanctuary City?

Part of New York City, yeah.

I mean, it's the one part of that you would not put people who need sanctuary.

So you're not going to say.

Yeah, no, you don't send him to Stan Island.

Or we could trade him.

I would say trade him.

Let one Muslim guy come over here.

Yeah.

Send LaDondo over there.

Wobsy.

Although he lives in a first world country, he doesn't live in like Syria or nothing.

Well, I don't know.

I mean, I've I just haven't muted him, but I don't really go on anymore.

Uh, I deleted all news apps off my phone, it's too much.

I don't watch the news for two weeks now.

I have a blissfully ignorant of anything going on in the world, it's amazing.

So,

oh, I think so.

Yeah, I think so.

Well, I just find like I'm just like this, and I'm a fan of hypocrisy, but

I like it.

The last six years would prove that.

But it's just like, I just,

just everybody who's screaming now about, like,

the refugees and we're turning people away and there should be no nations and no borders.

I'm like,

where the fuck were any of you people when like the war was starting or like when people like were dying left and right over there?

Like, how come I'm only seeing these marches?

What war are are we talking about?

Just anything.

What war are you talking about the first, you're talking about the after 9-11?

No, that was, everybody was happy then.

People have been getting bombed and killed

on just

you were an Iraqi.

I don't know if everybody was.

Then you were like, I'm not super sexy.

We didn't have anything to do with this.

What are you talking about?

Well, everybody was happy.

The hell's yellow.

I was talking about the United States.

I was like, what?

Why, the Iraqis didn't like it until we liberated them.

No, didn't we free them?

But like the, yeah, like Obama's been waging.

They didn't want to wear jeans too.

As much as we had a PR company telling us that

they want to wear blue jeans and listen to rock and roll.

That was the Russians, too, right?

We've been bombing people over there for years.

And now, all of a sudden, it's a big crisis and a big problem.

It's

because it's

some people want to hate on Trump for any possible reason.

so when somebody, I mean, the Russians have been fucking bombing the shit out of them.

Nobody says anything about that.

There's so many crises in the world.

There's so many people who are in pain and in need.

But now is the time that they choose.

But they've ignored all the other things.

But now is the time for them to march and stuff.

And it's just like, good.

I actually, I like that they're marching.

I think it's a good thing.

So go for it.

Does marching around accomplish anything?

Yeah, I think it does.

Does it?

Well, you know what?

It depends on how you do it.

Go ahead, explain how.

Well, no, sometimes you have those protesters where, like, they'll block off roads and streets and everything, and that just pisses people off because it's like, you know, counterproductive.

Yeah.

Because you're turning people against your message because it's like they're against you now, and then whatever your message is.

Just holding up traffic.

You're trying to get home.

Well,

there's some protesters.

You know, it depends.

I think it also depends on the protest, though.

I mean,

if I'm trying to go home and the protest

is 180 degrees against my belief, then of course I'm going to be angry.

But if it's a cause that I may be strongly

say, like I believe in that cause, I may just be mildly angry that I can't get home then.

So people are protesting.

I'm not enough where I'd ever get out and be enjoying the cause.

They're like, down, yeah, you want to get out of your car.

Can't you see my car is all muddy from

off-roading and shit?

So there are people out there, they're protesting physical comics.

They want digital comics only.

You're in rage.

Well, I couldn't be.

Yeah, I would.

Would you run them over?

Would you break the

line?

Yeah.

I might have to kill one of them protesters.

Do a little off-roading on their heads.

Just as

a symbolic.

I'll go down as a martyr, but so what?

At least you know this vehicle can handle it, you know, at least Forbidden Planet.

You'll get to go to heaven.

Jim Hay, at least, in universe will still be around.

I'm in jail for the rest of his life.

And

you'll get to go up to heaven and hang out with

72 virgins who are reading comics.

I'm not dead, am I?

Well, yeah, it's true.

New Jersey doesn't have a death penalty, so well, you're still a martyr, though.

Yeah.

Imprisoned for life.

I'll send you comics.

But if there are shit, people go to prison for life.

I'm like, why, dude?

Like, why?

Holy shit.

All you have to do is not do that one thing.

Not do that one thing.

Like, it's crazy, though.

The shit people do, like, especially especially like heat of the moment type stuff.

Yeah.

Like, they get real mad and they'll kill their spouse or their boyfriend.

Well, when you got your gun, I was afraid that was coming.

Imagine that you don't fall into the category of somebody who would, people would be like, well, I don't think he should have a gun because he dropped a bottle of wine and destroyed his car.

Yeah, I mean, that's...

You got the whole car.

I didn't shoot the car, though.

Like, if I shot the car then, you know.

If you had your gun on you, is there a chance you would have shot the car?

There's a pretty good good chance I would have shot the car.

Especially if I had the shotgun, I would have taken the whole fucking windshield out.

I don't know, Genem.

Maybe you could explain this to me.

Yes, sir.

Because you're a pretty well-read guy.

And this is without me taking a position on either way.

But why?

How brave of you.

I'm not taking a position on anything anymore, ever.

But why, Genem, are people opposed to

having

stringent immigration rules

strong borders.

I can't figure out why people are opposed to that.

Do you have a.

I think

to them, it's either it's open borders or it's closed borders.

Well, I think it's being viewed as anti-Muslim, not anti-immigrant.

Well, the border borders.

But I mean, you see a lot of people who are protesting.

They're younger people who are very

idealistic.

Your girls, are they...

Oh, I love it.

Yeah.

I love to see the passion.

They're passionate.

Their hearts are beating yeah and i'm like

yeah and then i'm like wait till uh wait till you're in your 30s gals

right wait wait until you got to pay your own first bill that's when everything starts that's when it starts changing am i wrong i mean the first time you're responsible for that you're like oh wait maybe the world doesn't work like i think it works yeah there's a lot of idealism in the with the younger people and look i don't as it should be i think most of the people that are coming over here like to be like we need to keep it safe from terrorists, I think it's probably

not.

That's not really the problem.

I don't think you're importing tons of terrorists.

I just don't.

I think the problem is more like you get all these people over here who have no idea

about assimilating into

a first world country.

People are from a war-torn fucking shithole and have no idea.

Like, well, what do they do now?

You put them in a settlement, and then somebody's going to get mad about that.

Like, Like, what do you do?

I don't know.

I don't got the answers, Q.

That's why I asked him.

Don't ask me.

I figured he would know.

How does he know?

Just know everything.

Look at him.

Just know everything.

I don't know.

Yeah, but even singling out those seven countries, which I believe me, I understand why that annoys people, but like, there's been a whole rallying cry of no borders.

Like, we should be a totally open nation.

It's just like...

That's kind of nuts.

I don't want that.

Like, do people really want that?

And why?

That seems crazy

because they haven't thought it true.

Because it sounds like

they're allowed to, you're allowed to travel freely across the countries, aren't you?

In Europe?

Well, because of the EU passport, you're saying.

Yeah, right.

You're able to go into different countries.

Look what's happening in France.

Every fucking two weeks there's somebody shooting.

Oh, exactly.

Yeah, look what happened in Greece.

That's an over-exaggeration.

Yeah, it's going to happen, but it happens here, too.

About the same type of thing.

Yeah, but it's Americans doing it.

I mean, you can't stop that.

Good old-fashioned American wants to get nothing.

We got a right to do that.

Come on, man.

Here, you're talking about people from other countries shooting up the loot.

That's not right.

Can't do that.

Yeah, but they're moving away from that.

England's out.

That's not going to stop.

What, you say you think they're going to build a wall in England?

Well, I think the whole point of them doing the exit thing is, the Brexit thing is so they could secure their borders and put a clamp on immigration.

Right.

But

why is the wall a bad thing?

I that's what I don't understand.

Like, everybody's against it.

It's symbolic of isolation.

Right, but it's symbolic of the ball.

But it's also, aside from being a symbol, it's also an actual wall keeping the border from.

I think it's impractical, though.

Money-wise, I don't see it.

Well, money-wise, and just like even the wall that's up now, there's like because you can't restrict people's access to their land, so there's these huge holes in the wall.

And from what I understand, there's also a wall that Mexico maintains in the southern portion of the country that we help pay for.

I might be wrong, so if everyone wants to say I'm fucking stupid and whatever, that's okay.

But,

you know, because you want to try to stem the flow of drugs from

South America into Central America and then up here.

I don't.

I want the drugs.

I don't understand though, also.

Against all walls.

I don't understand how it can't be beneficial to both sides.

Like, don't people travel all over the world to see the Great Great Wall of China?

Like, if you built one that looked like that,

couldn't you be a tourist attraction as well?

You would think, yeah.

Right?

And that was to keep out the hordes of Mongols, right?

Yeah.

But, like, if you build a replica of that,

so people don't have to go over there and see it, but you build one that looks just like it here,

I don't know how much it would cost.

It probably costs a lot, right?

To build a Great Wall of China.

But you charge people to take photos.

No, no, no.

You don't charge people,

but it helps the communities surrounding the wall, though.

Some tourist dollars coming in.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

T-shirts and t-shirts.

But you could probably, by not building that wall, either your great wall or Trump's wall, all the money that can go into it,

you would.

That's you're saving a lot of money by not building that wall.

No?

Oh, yeah.

You save a lot of money by not doing a lot of things.

Right, but what I'm saying is, like, to build a wall for tourists to come look at for money.

Well,

it's not just to look at, it's also to serve two purposes.

It's to keep

some people out.

Right.

You know, both both sides.

It works on both sides.

We can't go in either.

It's not like we can go over.

That wall stops us from going over, too.

Right.

You know, nobody ever brings that up.

I don't ever hear anybody saying that.

Because I don't think you see hordes of Americans flocking to Mexico.

I don't think they have that same problem where they're like, what are we going to do, man?

These face-to-face motherfuckers won't stop coming in the country they did that in uh what was that 2012 of off-road and can i come off can i come

looking for a weird new jersey site

for a great wall around here

you guys seen a

yeah

yeah i mean it's it's a big problem with like um

with gangs like a lot of gang people somebody just i saw in san francisco somebody in one of the sanctuary cities some dude fucking killed a lady and it's like he's been like deported eight times, and he keeps coming back.

But we got a lot, but they're not.

You can't blame

the Mexican gangs as there's a lot of gangs out there that have nothing to do with Mexico, and

we can't get a handle on it either.

No, I'm not talking about the wall ain't going to do anything to stop it.

Look, I love the Mexican mafia.

I'm down with the Norteños, I'm down with the Suerinos.

They're some brutal fucking.

MS 13, yeah.

They're like

heartless.

Heartless, man.

Cold-blooded.

Yeah, like when you get, when you have young women with kids who have a giant 13 tattoo on their face, you're like, that's a committed person.

Are there any exceptions?

Can somebody like me could, if I was going up and around and I could I apply

if I want to join the gang?

Or is it no?

Now?

Not now.

But

let's say in another world I grew up where this gang activity was

and I befriended some of them.

Could I be like, hey man, I want to join the gang.

Could they let me in or is it against totally I couldn't do it?

I think

what is that noise?

It's just they're upstairs or they're working upstairs.

Oh, my God.

On work.

They're remodeling it.

I think you would be better served to like, I mean, they're not around me anymore.

But would they make exceptions?

Or is it just like, you know, you got to be full-blooded Hispanic?

I would think

most like I I mean, I've seen quite a few documentaries and I've never seen one pale Irish guy amongst them

like

look at Shamba Gravis.

Let's go slice off somebody's face.

You got your own gangman.

I just I in a way, though,

that's wrong too, though.

I know.

I mean, I think you're going to sue the Latin kings to join.

Comes before the Supreme Court.

I mean, aren't they feeling the heat of this all-inclusive

era that we live in?

I think that now that we look, liberals, we know you hate Trump, okay?

Let's go over, let's go after like Maris El Vatruca.

Let's tell them, like, guys,

a little diversity in the gang.

It's all, what, Nicaraguans, I think.

It's a Nicaraguan-based gang.

Let's get some Irish guys in there.

Let's get a couple black guys in there.

Let's get some

Italians, a couple Jewish guys.

Yeah.

Yeah, a national,

like a U.S.

nations of

United Nations.

United Nations, sorry, United Nations,

just like the comic show and just like movie show, where it's never like an all-black gang or an all-Asian gang or anything.

It's always like, here's a white guy, here's a black guy, here's a Hispanic guy.

That should reflect real life.

And I know that people think that we're fucking around.

We're saying this, but

if they were to do it, though,

think how much better prison would be for these people.

They separate into these gangs.

But it's always by color.

And they don't mingle.

This way, though, if you break down that wall, prison might be

a much less violent atmosphere, though.

We should get these gangs, Wranglers.

They all made through this game.

Not a bad idea.

You'll see them waving at everybody.

It gives you a good feeling.

That's a pretty good idea.

I think that, like,

by not just sticking to

your own gang in prison, though,

you're never going to break that cycle, though.

So you're in the Aryan Brotherhood in prison, and you're like, at the next meeting, after they read the minutes, you're like, okay,

I'd like to be recognized.

How about we let some black guys in the game?

What do you say?

Because

they will deal with black gangs.

Because obviously gangs are not like, hey, man, racial pride.

For the most part, it's about money and who's selling the drugs and who's bringing in contraband and all that other shit.

So they will work with those other gangs, but though they don't, I guess, respect their race.

I don't get it.

I mean, you were talking about passion for, like, your heart thumping for the Super Bowl and the devils and shit.

Like, these guys, like, their heart thumps for their fucking race.

And I'm like, I don't get it, man.

I don't get it.

I don't understand it.

I'm like, how could you get that excited about being white?

How could you be that excited about the genes that made me look like this?

God damn it.

I wish I had more black genes.

They're all like

black guys.

I mean, there's a couple fat guys, you know, like, you know,

like

the Urkel show.

The dad was pretty fat.

That's your go-to?

Well, he's pretty fat.

I was going to say Fat Albert.

Fat Albert, sure, Fat Albert.

But, like, by and large, like, a lot of black dudes,

they're muscular and shit, man.

I wish I had some more black muscular genes in me.

Yeah.

I guess.

You could just work it out.

I could, but I would never be.

I would never have that same tone.

The genetic advantage.

Well, I think they work out.

What?

Black gel guys or just black people in general?

Fat Albert.

Well, the black fat Albert you were talking about that are fitting in shape probably work on it, right?

Yeah, probably.

I guess they all do.

What else are they gonna do?

So, you're saying it's

yeah, well, you're locked down for like 23 hours.

Yeah, you're saying it's I don't need more black jeans, I just need to get off my ass, which

fat news, baby.

Oh, yeah,

news.

Yeah, I'm going to start.

I'm so fat.

I got to start

doing the Fitbit thing.

Yeah.

So what I'm going to do is I'm going to go on with that.

Oh, you prescribed?

Yes, I got a prescription Fitbit from my fucking doctor.

Now.

You said I'm going to have to start, you said.

Unless I want to die of a fucking heart attack like fucking a white fat Albert

playing a radiator in the fucking junkyard.

All right, so

I don't think

that's a good idea.

Is that a problem?

Is this

Brian?

Is this Fitbit your idea?

Yes, I invented it.

Is this Fitbit your idea that it's going to help?

Yes.

Or

did somebody recommend you a Fitbit?

You think someone was like.

I don't think they work.

What's that?

I don't think they work.

Oh, you don't think they work?

I think that they.

I've heard that

it's not accurate.

And it's just the.

Who are you talking to?

I agree because he had the same same spiel.

And that, like, you could fool it.

When you're not really doing anything, it's giving you steps.

It's giving you fake steps.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

That's what I'll do.

I'll fool it.

I thought you had one.

No, I don't have it.

Anything an Apple Watch is better?

Well, it has it on it.

I know that

counts the steps and stuff.

When loses your sleep and all that other stuff.

I'm a movement watch kind of guy.

I'm a VMT baby all the way.

Fucking

segue.

Let me see if we have a movement watch.

A movement watch.

Hey, wait, before we jump into that, I want to give a shout out.

Can I give a shout-out?

It's been a long time since we've done a personal shout-out.

Kind of, but it's an ant.

It's an ant.

I want to nominate him for Ant of the Week.

Okay, we're going to.

Ant of the week.

This is causing me pause because I'm kind of down right now on ants.

A lot of fucking

answers, but now I love this idea about Ant of the Week though.

And I'm going to tell you why he's going to turn you around because he could also get you probably into Universal Studios Studios for free.

Oh, I know who it is.

Mike.

I don't know who this guy is.

No, it's Justin.

No.

Weren't you just there?

No.

That's my aunt of the week.

I don't know who this Justin chump is.

He got me into Universal.

Well, we shot an episode in Universal last week.

That's why I was out of town.

And the sign to us was

like a guide, someone like a tour guide for the park type thing.

And the first thing he started asking me about was the trial.

Turns out he's a hardcore au.

His name is Mike.

Been listening since day one.

Was he on the show?

No.

No.

You met that guy, right?

Well, I met that guy.

Yeah, he's a good dude.

He's the concierge of the hotel we stayed at.

Yeah, that's what I thought you were talking about.

Him and his brother.

No.

Ants are

coming up everywhere.

It's like Fight Club, bro.

They're everywhere.

I was in Food Town Shopping the other day.

I was in Food Town shopping the other day, and a dude, probably around our age, like gave me the antennas.

He goes, I know that's all you wanted.

That's all you want.

And I just kept moving.

You're awesome.

So this guy, Mike, he is, I mean, steeped in telemed Steve Dave.

He knows everything.

And what does he do for University?

He's a VIP tour guide.

Oh, yeah.

And

he's like, if you go,

you get paid to not wait on lines and stuff like that.

I did that.

I had to pay, though.

Yeah.

That's him.

And he's a fucking, he's a super.

Like, sometimes you're like, I don't want to spend my entire day walking around with a stranger.

You're thinking of the same thing.

I am too, because I'm like, wow,

we're going going to kick off Ant of the Week.

Yeah.

And we're going to give it to a guy

that just gave you a couple free passes to the university.

No, he didn't give a free pass.

No, no, no.

It made his life so much easier.

Everything was complimentary.

He fucking hooked me up.

I didn't need hooking up.

I was a university employee for the week.

I was working.

He kept the fucking commoners away.

Well, he didn't really do that.

No, I didn't.

No, he fucked up.

A little too many commoners.

No, super nice guy, and I know he's listening.

He wanted to know how the trial ended, all that stuff.

He was

a lot of people fishing for inside info.

Yeah, yeah, he was great.

So I want to say hi, Mike.

And you know how at the end of Animal House, it says, go, if you go to Universal, ask for Babs.

If you go to Universal Florida, ask for Mike.

Right.

Top notches.

And he'll be like, hey, how's it going?

And like, hey, man, hook me up.

Yeah.

Fucking poor Mike.

um nice guy but anyway fitbit yeah well even if it doesn't work ant of the week let's say it doesn't work end of the week

can i get an ant of the week song from jay sarge or something

yeah let's put yeah let's see like you really want to make this ant like a weekly feature how are we going to

well people could submit submit why they should be ant to the week i don't want to do it though no no i'm done i'm i'm actually yeah i need a break too many people shitting on you yeah so uh who's gonna who's gonna take on ant of the week uh yeah the uh get him good reading reading the

worthiness?

I didn't get him to do that.

No, then they'll just attack him relentlessly.

Get him, what's your email?

Get him an email.

Get him stevedavid at gmail.com.

There you go.

If you want to be Ant of the Week, what does it come with?

Does it come with anything?

Just recognition?

Yeah, you get the song that Jay Saw just made up.

No, no, no, about a piece of felt.

Yeah, but then we've got to send Mike a piece of felt.

I don't care.

It's only a stamp.

All right.

Is he worth it?

He's fucking Ant of the Week.

Yes, but now we're getting into me doing this.

It's only a stamp.

But now you're talking reciprocation.

No,

I'm sending him

a couple of my vinyls for my personal stash.

Ooh.

Super nice guy.

Super nice.

Anyway,

and of the week.

That's all I'm saying.

Mike, Anne of the Week.

If you want to be up for,

you want to apply to be in the week, what are you going to send an email to?

Get him steamdave at gmail.com.

Please stop sending me pictures of guys' chests.

And what kind of thing are we looking for?

Are we looking for people who do good ant things or just looking for what are we looking for?

Well, I'm looking for people who help me out.

But sure.

We'll figure it out.

Maybe if they did something, tell them Steve Dave related, like they got a tat or they got a,

or they, you know, or maybe they got it etched into their skull like

Tom Brady.

Yeah.

It's like Tom Brady's number.

That'd be great.

All right.

Yeah.

Something like that.

Yeah, you hear his journey.

His jersey got stolen, huh?

I was reading that this morning.

Yeah, I didn't read it, but I saw that.

Any of the weeks.

Do you know, he was taking a lot of flack, too, before that, before the Super Bowl win, because he's friends with Trump.

He was

coming down on Tom Brady.

He's a rich white guy.

Does anybody doubt that he's friends with Trump?

Is this news?

But is he the greatest ever, Q?

I know you got your Fitbit, but I just want to nail this.

I want to get notified.

I want to nail Q to the best.

Statistically, he has to be, right?

I don't know enough about football to say.

But I think

if the social media can proclaim that Q has deemed Tom Brady the goat, greatest of all time.

Oh, I thought you were talking about Trump.

I think that the goat is the same.

I'm also ready to endorse Trump as the best president of all time.

Trump is the goat.

Trump's the pea goat, the presidential goat.

But like, this could get back to Tom Brady.

Like, in Practical Jokers, Q deems Tom Brady the greatest.

You think that

Tom Brady gives a fuck?

Well, he double-tweeted

when LeBron James James called him the goat.

Yeah, but you're talking about legit.

You're not a professional athlete, but you are on a level with LeBron James now.

I am nowhere near a level with LeBron James.

Yes, you are.

That is completely unwilling.

You are almost LeBron James.

But like, you are in the, you are in the,

you are

in that, you are in the same air.

You breathe the same air as LeBron James.

Well, all right.

Well, regardless of you believe, I know you're being humble right now.

I'm not being humble.

You know what?

You're in it next week.

All right, but this week's mic.

This week's Universal Microsoft.

Why is Tom Brady the goat?

Based on my limited knowledge.

Do you think you're yes or no?

Because Tom Brady's going to get it.

That's been a problem.

I've read tons of emails that it's like he won't commit anymore.

Yeah.

Why would I not?

I'll give a straight answer when asked.

That I'm the last one on the show that will give

an authentic opinion on you.

I'm going to ask you next, so be ready.

Okay.

I don't want to waffling.

Well, Well, did you say waffling?

Yeah, I'll go ahead and say he's the best quarterback of all time.

No, no, no.

The greatest.

The greatest person.

NFL player of all time.

Yes, sure.

That's sure.

I don't know anything about that.

That doesn't need to be said, that's sure.

You want me to say just so it'll get back to him.

Yeah, of course.

Oh, well, then, yes, I would say that he is.

Can we make, like, you could be in the week if you get this, if you get this trending that BQ

calls

If everybody did this, BQ proglaims

Tom Brady goat.

No,

that's a good thing now, the goat.

I don't want any part of that.

All right, Brian Johnson, well, maybe we'll go to you then.

You're not as big as LeBron, but you got to be, I mean,

you got to be up there with like

a bench warmer, maybe.

Like a guy who sees action.

Are there any guys in the NBA who see no action?

Or the 12th man.

Who is the famous Philadelphia Six man?

It was Bobby, what was his name?

Oh, yeah.

Remember?

Bobby Jones.

Was that it?

Bobby Jones?

Yeah.

Yeah, I remember.

It was like he was the guy.

He was the six-man.

He was the six-man of the year.

I'll be the Bobby Jones of Tel C Dave.

Sure, why not?

Well, I'm going to say he's the GOAT.

I mean, he was the goat.

I thought he was the GOAT before this.

You know, I'm a big Tom Brady fan.

You've said it many times.

This is a guy who was allegedly deflating balls, or was that somebody else?

Allegedly, and I mean,

or over-inflating, one of the two.

Under-inflating.

Under-inflating.

I think that has to be

It's almost comical now for anybody to bring that up now after doing what he's done now.

You know,

I'm just a bitter asshole ever to bring that up.

I'm just wondering if this is the same guy.

I'm not condemning you for it.

Only a bitter asshole.

We'll say that.

This is the guy that deflated the balls.

Instead of being like, I couldn't agree.

He's the greatest of all time.

I couldn't agree more, which is why I wanted to preface it

before I said, yes, he is the greatest of all time.

Get him.

So that's what Goat stands for as greatest of all time?

Motherfucker.

You didn't know that?

No.

You didn't know it afterwards.

He just fucking said it 10 times?

I don't know.

I thought it was like the walrus or something like that.

You like the goat in the Charlie Brown sense?

Based on what you've told me, I would believe so, yes.

I didn't know that.

Taking into consideration that he underinflated balls.

Well, I did hear all the booing that they were giving, what is it, Godell?

Yeah.

When he was handing him over the trophy.

Right.

And And there was somebody in the back, like, you could see him, go fuck yourself.

Oh, because that was the guy who was trying to tarnish himself.

That's the guy that suspended him.

Yeah.

It's the guy that tried to tarnish his image.

You can't tarnish that image.

And then I think there was some other guy.

The guy who tried to tarnish his image was saying, go fuck yourself?

No, that was a fan.

Wait a second.

Oh, is this the guy?

Remember, I went on vacation with the business.

Yeah, he slept in his.

I slept in his bed.

I slept awake.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

Oh, that's right.

You got jizz.

I slipped his cheese out of the sheet.

That's right.

I forgot.

Where you laid your head, he put his head.

I heard he sleeps upside down, so it's probably.

Well, Giselle was also in the bed then, so it's very much all I've done.

He probably propped her up with a pillow.

Oh, yeah, he put it like she was on her, she's on her stomach, and he put that.

Oh, Queen, you're so lucky.

He probably like conceived a baby in that room.

Maybe you got a sis, huh?

Does he have kids?

Does he have two kids, yeah, right?

Wow.

Now I feel even better about that semen I've stored in my room.

Oh, so you sucked it out and spit it into a vial?

I'm waiting to do it.

Let's continue on the generation.

I'm going to put it in some lucky woman.

How did you know he stayed in the room you did?

I can't remember now.

Because they told you.

They told me.

Yeah, they told me.

They showed him the video.

They were like, this was the goat's room.

I don't think it was a Costa Rica.

That could be two different things.

He should have been

in the running to do this.

2000.

What year are we in?

It was 2011.

2011.

Yeah, he would win a Super Bowl

I think, right after that season against Seattle.

All right, so it's unanimous.

Yeah.

Tell him Steve Dave.

We got muscled into it.

He and Tom Brady to go.

Let's hope it gets back to him.

And it would be awesome if he tweeted

what an honor it was

to be labeled a goat by the Tom Steve Dave podcast.

We should do it with Mike Steve.

Somewhat reluctantly, but still.

Maybe you guys should do what Mike and Ming do and records.

Suck each other's ticks out.

That'll get back to Tom Brady

in your honor.

They've all blew each other.

They were both wearing Tom Brady jerseys.

Calling each other to sell.

Come on, goat.

Come on, goat.

Give me what you got, goat.

You're the best of all time.

You're the greatest.

Well, now I'm worried that it's going to get back to President Trump that we said that he was the pea goat.

It's all right.

Why?

You wouldn't want him to tweet thanks.

Tell him to do that.

Do I think Donald Trump's the best president of all time?

No, I don't.

No.

Well, yeah, but I mean.

Really?

The beginnings of him trying to convince you that you should think this.

It's only been a couple weeks, though.

You don't think he's had off to a pretty good start?

Well, I don't think I think

he's off to the races.

You can't deny that.

He is fucking doing it.

He's doing a lot, but I mean, I think you got your Lincolns,

Kennedy.

You think they got all this stuff done in this so short of time?

Kennedy's overrated, man.

He almost got us into a nuclear

FDR.

Fuck him.

Do we have a body?

Maybe you can look this up, Giddam.

I was talking to my kid about this.

Yeah.

Has General Washington, would he probably have some...

He's probably killed people, right?

He was a general, right?

Yeah.

Do you think he has the biggest body count of all the presidents?

By his own hands?

Yeah,

like physically actually killing people.

It would be one of those early ones for sure.

But yeah, probably.

Yeah.

I popped my kid's head when I told her that.

I was like, oh, because

Prump had made that statement, like, we got blood in our hands.

Did you hear that?

Like, we're not.

He said something about that during a Super Bowl interview.

And

she scoffed at that.

And I was just like, what?

I go, what do you mean?

I go, he's right.

I said, you know, General Washington.

He was a general before he was a president.

He no doubt, sure.

He just put some fucking Brits.

Yeah, you know what I mean?

He put some Brits on grass.

Are we talking like by their own hand or directly caused by?

I want like he took a musket and blew some fucking Limey's face off.

It's got to be his own hand.

Hey, UK, how you doing?

Hey, man,

that shit doesn't die easy.

No, from I'm not sure.

I never forget.

Have you called somebody a limey these days?

Would they even know what you're talking about?

Is it derogatory?

No, a limey is

what we would call a Brit?

Yeah, that's like a derogatory.

I think that's what they call us.

Remember, no, remember when

we worked down at the wreck and the guy next, like who had the house right behind the wreck, he was an English guy, and he accused me of calling him a limey, which I never said.

And Timmy was like, hey, said you called him a limey.

And then, like, there was a whole big fucking scandal.

I was like, but I never said it.

That's a slur.

Yeah, I know.

In America.

As if like any of

your superiors would be like, what?

Especially in the 80s, when you could call people a hell of a lot worse than the L-word.

Any L-word.

Right now, Timmy.

I'm out of my tape.

Not an L-WA.

I call me the L-word.

Like, in 1984, this guy's fucking like you called me a limey.

I want to talk to you.

Is there any kind of record of what kind of.

The things I'm finding so far are

like blaming them for starting wars.

Washington?

No, Nixon.

They're saying Nixon is a war.

Look up Washington.

I got this.

I'm looking at it right now.

Yeah, that's definitely.

They said Jackson would be high up on the list.

Harrison was involved in the Indian Wars that were especially bloody and up close in person.

George Washington likely saw some hand-to-hand combat in the French and Indian War.

And he was personally responsible for a massacre, the Jumanville affair, which actually set off that war.

The Jumanville?

He was part of a massacre?

Apparently, yes.

Oh, then he's the man.

Teddy Roosevelt killed a few people in close quarters during the Spanish-American War.

Zachary Tyler saw a lot of direct conflict and was involved in direct combat in multiple wars.

Grant was in the Mexican-American War as a junior officer.

But it's tough to, they're saying it's tough to find.

It's tough to find out who has the most blood on their hands.

Yeah, because it's like it'sn't Kennedy a pilot?

No, Bush was a pilot.

No, I know Bush was a pilot.

Wasn't Kennedy a pilot.

Kennedy was on a PT boat, wasn't he?

PT 109.

Something.

Because remember, it's saying.

All right, so you want to backtrack, you want to retract the goat label for Trump, and you're going to go with Washington

with his massive body count.

Well, I'd probably say Lincoln.

Lincoln?

Yeah, he freed the slaves, man.

All right.

If you're going to go with that, I'll.

You're saying, wait, being the best president because he freed the slaves?

He's freaking the goat.

He was also number one.

That's only because of the cotton gin.

Washington's number one.

Sure.

He didn't tell any lies.

Chop that cherry tree down, right?

I mean, I mean, Lincoln's a great number two goat,

but.

But, I mean, to say he's the goat.

You don't think Lincoln gets it.

You don't think like.

I mean,

he freed an entire enslaved race of people.

It's hard to.

But he couldn't serve out his term, though.

Well, only because he got shot in the head.

Plus, he was all depressed and shit.

He's always like.

Yeah, he did that despite being

little bitch.

You're depressed all the time.

No, I'm not trying to be president.

Who's the goat of presidents then?

The goat of presidents?

I'm going to give it to Harrison.

He got in.

He got out.

FDR is pretty up there, too, man.

There's a lot of goats.

I think FDR might, like, because he he did.

But there can only be one goat, really.

There's only one goat.

There's only one.

I got to give it to Lincoln.

Lincoln.

All right.

Yeah.

I don't think we're not going to get any.

We're not going to get any, like,

that's a fucking safe answer, man.

See, this is what we're the right answer.

What's we complaining about?

There's no retweets.

There's no, like, I don't want retweets.

I don't want radiation.

Yeah, no way Trump's retweeting that.

But Trump could.

I guarantee you, if you made a big enough thing of just doing it over and over and over again, that Trump was the goat tweeting it to him, he would retweet it at some point.

Or send a secret service service to your house.

No, he'd be so happy to hear that somebody was finally in the entertainment industry likes him.

Despite my vote for Hillary, he would be

a joke, remember?

It's Quinn and Scott Bayo.

Wah, wah, wah.

We got to come up with a catchphrase.

So, anyway, with the Fitbit,

no,

I I understand there's a whole bunch of ants to do it.

So I figure if I join into it with them,

then if I don't get the steps every day, I'll be shamed.

And people can be like, hey, fat ass.

Well, yeah, you do a little competition with the other ants.

You get in a little room with them, like a virtual room.

My wife does this with some of, I think, with her brother's wife.

They have this little competition.

I think even her brother does it too.

And

they do a weekend.

They're like, how many steps can you get in three days?

So it would be good.

I mean, if it's making you walk, Fitbit's a good thing.

But I don't want you cheating on it, though.

Yeah.

Right.

I'm just sitting there like doing a bicycle as I'm eating fucking ice cream and watching TV.

You know, you just move it like this with your hand, and it registers a step.

See, I'm picturing you put it on stage, you make her just run around the room.

Or what if I put it on a fan?

I just strap it onto a fan.

The other thing I think I'm going to do is I probably need some nature box.

Yeah, I have it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Nature box.

What do you do when you want a snack?

But all you can find is junk food.

Well, normally I get junk food.

Start snacking healthy Q with Nature Box.

Yeah, they sent a bunch of that vanilla granola.

Did you guys get that?

Mm-hmm.

Naturebox.com slash T-E-S-D for 50% off your first order.

A couple of things.

They also

Fuji.

Did you guys get a box for them?

Yes, I did.

Yeah.

I got the Fuji Apple chips, which are amazing.

They're on the rubber.

I do have a.

You put them on your pizza, right?

That's what I was watching when I was watching the Super Bowl.

I had a bowl of those chips.

That's why your heart was pounding.

I was going to say.

Yeah, that, and they have jalapeno popcorn that'll blow you bowls.

That's the other bowl.

I couldn't figure out why my mouth was so hot.

Right.

And then you're like, oh, they tried this delicious nature box.

What was it again?

Fiji apple, French vanilla, Fiji apple, and the jalapeno popcorn.

What's with this popcorn?

She's like, it's healthy.

It's nature box.

Bring me more, bitch!

I love them.

I love you?

That's much sweeter than

how I imagined it.

She's looking after me.

She knows I'm eating that fatty popcorn or that high in cholesterol popcorn.

Right.

Right.

She wants you to live, man.

And she also, she wants, you know.

And she knows your ticker's fucking taking a beating with this game.

Like, you're all excited.

It was.

Did you watch the whole game?

Yeah, what's the whole game?

To see that, to see it coming and you could see it coming, it was making my heart speed up.

I was just like, because you're watching history.

You'll never see it again.

You'll never see a collapse like that again.

That's what I was like, is it a collapse

or is it a win?

Did the Falcons lose or did the Patriots win?

Patriots won.

Really?

I think they won.

Some really, really questionable calls, though, from the Falcons, of things they did make no sense.

Yeah.

There's conspiracy theories already.

Really?

Yeah, that there was maybe some too much money.

Next overkill, we're going to have to talk about it.

Yeah, I see.

The next overkill is next week with a real-life exorcist.

Right.

So we'll ask him about the Tom Brady thing.

I don't know if I'll have any info on it, though.

Is he the goat or not?

Oh, that's right.

That's awesome.

I'm looking forward to that.

Yeah, get ready for that, Ants, next week in Exorcist.

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All right, enough of that.

So I wanted to ask you guys,

so you see this man,

Walt,

and you're like, hey, what's up?

I'm going to give you a quick glimpse.

What's going on?

Who is it?

That was Q.

Oh, no, actually,

that's not Q.

That's a Q imposter.

Yeah.

It's a cosplayer.

He's cultivating it for sure.

Yeah, I met him.

Oh, you met this guy?

Yeah.

Now, my question was, right,

If he is in a dimly lit bar

and somebody, a girl, approaches him and he pretends he's you.

Right.

And then maybe he scores

in a sexual way.

Right.

Is that wrong?

No.

No?

No, it's not wrong.

All's fair in love and work.

Wait, she's only sleeping with him?

Because she thinks it's me?

Yeah.

No, it's not wrong, huh?

Not wrong, wrong, huh?

Fire beware.

Yeah.

I mean, if she can't tell the first moment he opens his mouth that it's not Q,

right?

And I mean, is she really?

Does he complete words?

Does he make up words?

Does he mumble and slur?

What do you think about a guy who cultivates the Q look, though, who wants to look just like you?

You found him weird, or have you met him and he's nice and he's a listener and you don't want to say that?

I mean, I don't know him enough to judge him on it.

I think that gives you a- You just got to look at him.

Here we go.

My look

basically comes from lack of maintenance.

I think it's a weird thing to emulate.

I don't think it's a good look.

Of course, you don't.

Oh, I thought you said, I think it's a good look.

No, I said, I don't think it's a good look.

Do you think there's anybody out there trying to cultivate LeBron James's look?

Oh, sure.

Come on, really?

How can you cultivate that look, though, really?

First, you got to be 6'9.

Ripped.

Ripped and be able to.

I watched a LeBron Highlight film the other day.

I was like, what the fuck?

Like, I don't really watch a lot of NBA.

It's insane.

Like, it is insane the way this guy can jump.

Because I was watching,

I was watching old school, like, fucking Dominique Wilkins and

old Jordan stuff.

And then I saw a LeBron James video on YouTube.

So I was watching that.

I'm just like, it's fucking nuts.

Like, I didn't know why everyone made such a big deal about him.

And then I watched his highlight reel, and I'm like, oh, okay, so that's why.

He's a goat, motherfucker.

Jordan's the goat of basketball.

You think?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You think?

Yeah.

I mean,

there are people that are close to Jordan, though, right?

I don't.

I think he's in another game.

You think by, like, far and away, he's the goat.

Oh, yeah.

Not even.

It's not even a.

It's fucking nuts, right?

When you see some of the,

like, I mean, just that jumping from the foul line, Dunk.

It looks like he's flying.

There's somebody you guys that never gets mentioned in the equation of just

defying what you're seeing.

Like your mind can't comprehend the jump.

It's Spud Webb because of his.

Oh, it's crazy, right?

Yeah, because these guys who are jumping who are almost seven foot tall, yeah, I mean, it's impressive, but when you see a guy who's five foot, what, three?

Yeah, he was.

Slamming, I mean, it's your mind is

CGI because it doesn't look like it's possible.

Because you're like, how does a dude have a vertical leap of five feet?

I mean, it would be like, you know, like like Giddam just

rolling out there and just fucking slamming.

Rolling is right.

Chalk of Thunder over there.

That's depressing.

I was thinking about it not too long ago, a couple months ago.

I was watching these people play basketball, and I was like, never again.

I will never be able to do that again.

You could do it again.

No way.

I'll never be able to dunk a basketball.

Oh, dunk.

No.

Well, you weren't handy dunk for a long time, but you could still play.

Yeah, but I mean, there was a long stretch where I could do it.

Yeah, but I mean, you're dunking days.

At least I had a day.

Like, I'm dunking donuts.

You had the fundamentals.

Yeah, like, I could probably still shoot, but like in a regular pickup game, like, guys my age,

not anymore.

Yeah, well, I mean.

Not as I use my Fitbit.

But you.

Yeah,

work on getting the Fitbit down, then work on the dunk game.

Getting it on your way.

Trained to be to dunk a ball again.

That's what I should do.

That's going to be my goal in life, to be able to dunk a bedroom.

Maybe, like, see, because I can't, like, I jump off my left leg, so I don't.

I don't think it's impossible.

Yeah, I don't think I'll ever be able to do it again.

It's all right, though.

There's plenty of other things you can do.

What else can I do?

I got other things.

Yeah, I got other shit going on, man.

I don't give a fuck about it.

I mean, Duncan's a young man's game, anyway.

That'd look silly.

Yeah, it'd look like Spud Web.

Our mind's pretty comprehensive.

Defying physics.

CGI would have to be

what everybody would be.

Wirework.

I got you wanted to talk about the Cochlar album queue.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I wanted to thank everybody that bought the album, the charity, not charity, fundraiser album that we did.

Which would be charity, right?

Charity implies, I think, just a different thing.

Yeah, this would, yeah, I guess.

So, like, me going to a cause.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is going more to a singular person.

Why are you kidding ears?

As you said, so perfectly.

No, it's great.

I've seen a lot of positive response to the episode itself, which makes me happy on the Telling Steve Dave and that people are saying it's an essential episode.

So I like that.

Well, like Tom Brady, when the money,

when an episode

is pay to listen, you know, it's a pay-to-play kind of atmosphere, like when the money's on the line, we don't fuck around.

That's right.

I mean, there are going to be a lot of fucking half-assed lame episodes, but those are ones we give away for free.

Yeah, right.

When we are asking you to pay for it, we try to give just that little bit more.

Yeah, and I think it's almost three hours long or over three hours that episode.

I don't think it was that long.

It was like two hours long, something like that.

I don't know.

It's a long episode.

It's long, though, and it's good.

And I realized that I think we only put the link out once.

You know what I mean?

I don't even think we hit everybody with the link.

I gave a little bumper for it the episode the week it came out enduring trial one okay directing them where to go and it you want to want me to find out where the uh where they got to go yeah I guess and then I'll uh I will also retweet it.

It's a good one, though.

It is a really good episode, and it's going to a very, very good cause.

It leads into the thing I wanted to talk about tonight.

During the episode,

we took some questions, and we got some of the best questions from a listener called Big Daryl.

Oh, Big Daryl.

Oh,

he's on the Cochlear album?

Yeah.

Oh, Big Daryl.

Oh, you've got got to get the Cochlear album.

Big Daryl's...

Big Daryl's basically going to like, yeah, he's.

Big Daryl's for us the price of admission.

He has the potential to be

an important part of telling Steve Dave Velore, depending on what you're about to tell us.

Oh, well, well, I mean, well, going back to one of the questions Big Daryl asked was.

Have you heard from Big Daryl?

I sent him an email being like, hey, brother, we need you to send us questions.

We're going to do a whole episode based off all your questions.

So send me like 15, 20 questions.

Yeah.

Not one.

He has a response.

Big Daryl has an answer.

Big Daryl has answered.

I think Brick Daryl may have not liked how the episode turned out.

Oh, Big Daryl.

Come on, buddy.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

But one of the questions.

How could you fucking ask questions like that and then fucking be like, oh, Sir Wood thought I was weird?

How could you listen to this show and not just assume that it was going to go that way?

That's crazy.

Well, one of the questions he asked was, I mean, we're just going to give it a little taste.

We won't give you the reaction to it, but one of the questions Darryl asked was:

women disappear, kind of a scenario like, why the last man?

End of statement.

There are no more women on the face of the earth.

Obviously, a portion of the segment

of what is left of society, which is now all male, will

most likely

find companionship in the arms of another man right

I mean like people you know like that's that's

definitely

the majority of people will will be like all right well there's no more women it's you know we're gonna

fuck something yeah right well you know we need to we need we need as human beings we need that kind of

that that kind of like connection yeah we need a physical connection yeah you you need that hot man ass.

But there's a segment also of society who

can't get their head around,

you know, even with even with the prospects of

never having a woman again,

through religious and moral reasons, they're not going to go.

Or you're just not attracted to men.

Right.

Right.

So you, so Daryl asked, what animal most likely would

society

deem fuckable or not

be like you wouldn't get any kind of like sideway glances if you were if you found you know if you were hooking up with a certain type of animal yeah it's I'm pretty sure the sideway glances would come for a while like it like it wouldn't be like right away they're like ah it kind of looks like a person

no no I don't think Daryl I don't think Big Daryl was like what's what animal can we what's the will make

like oh get to the person yeah I think that Daryl knew full well that, like, hey, everyone knows you're with an animal.

You're not trying to hide it, but which animal would you?

I've heard that so many times and there's still chicks around.

And I don't want, I know some people who didn't buy the album, maybe listening to this right now and being like, this is gross.

What's with Big Daryl?

Bestiality.

You guys, that's not funny.

You should have never took that question.

But that's Big Daryl left all over right there.

But right, like, how can you get that question and not address it, though?

You got it.

Right.

So we addressed it at length.

At length.

It's a big Daryl chagrin.

And

some of us chose an orangutan.

Right.

And saying that we would

shave it.

We would shave it.

We would.

Put an eye heels.

Yeah, we would make it.

And we realized, though, that

it's not safe

to

try to hook up with an orangutan.

Orangutan strength be what it is.

Yeah.

So we would also have to

shrug them.

We would have to sedate them for any kind of

again.

Not much is changing for me.

It looks like an animal I'm sedating here.

And that leads us into this week's.

Which is weird because all the females in the animal had died too.

So you're still being gay, but you're also like you're fucking orangutaging, yes.

Or sucking his dick.

I thought it was.

Can you imagine?

Now,

you're jumping to conclusions.

Big Daryl never said, he only said the human female has disappeared.

Big Daryl would never fuck

a male orangutan, you sick bastard.

He's got moral standards.

That's why Daryl hasn't answered our email.

Shit like that, you're paying him to be some sort of fucking weirdo.

Some degenerate.

Are you still getting sideways glances if somebody catches you blowing a chimp?

You're the bottom to a chimp.

Big Daryl doesn't come back to us.

That leads us into this with like he's known now.

People are like shunning him like he's.

Well, I told him.

He's got the perfect name for it, too.

Big Darryl.

It just screams.

He's just conscious like a big fucking weird fountain.

I know.

Hey, with Valentine's Day coming up, here's something you could do, Q.

Yeah.

Send your lady friend some loot crate.

What would a girl like more?

Walt, you could do the same.

Send your lady some

comics-related shit.

Not my lady.

She's not

in comics.

No.

What's she into?

What's she into?

Decorative mailboxes?

That I could put in a box?

Yeah, what could you put?

Dick in a box?

I don't understand that.

How could I do that?

Never heard of the SNL.

Andy Sandberg and Justin Timberlake did a dick in the box song.

Is it a real dick?

Or was it like one of those real boxes?

You never saw it, but yeah.

The presumption is that they cut a hole in the oh, like a popcorn?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, then they present it to their girls.

That's what you could do on Valentine's Day.

You come dressed like you wear like red stockings and nothing.

That sounds very

fraternity.

Frap boy type stuff.

I'm I'm much more

authentic.

Yeah, I don't do the frap boy stuff.

What do you do?

What do you do with it?

I put, you know,

I put

candles, rose petals, bubbles.

He's so full of shit.

Mood lighting.

Some music.

A lot of lotions.

A little Lady Gaga on.

Lotions?

You don't put Lady Gaga on, do you?

What do you put on?

No, ELP.

Nothing with lyrics.

ELP?

No lyrics.

That's a key.

ELP?

ELP.

Some prog rock?

No,

it's like

a lot of Wagner.

Oh, okay.

The anti-Semitic composer.

What?

He's anti-Semitic?

Yeah, you didn't know that?

There's no lyrics.

He was like Hitler's favorite composer.

It doesn't matter.

Oh, he can't be.

Yeah, but he can't be held accountable for what he was.

Hitler liked him, yeah.

Well, I don't know.

I think he was buddy-buddy with him.

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Wait until I tell you about February's crate.

It is very put together, Walt.

I don't know what that means.

Did they ask you to read it differently?

Or did you just decide to go and add emphasis to put together?

I went fucking rogue, man.

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You dress them up for Halloween and stuff?

No, but for Christmas, we have.

I will admit that we do put Christmas outfits on the dogs.

Yeah.

But only on Christmas, though.

What kind of Christmas?

What kind of children?

Santa Claus, Elf, Rudolph,

all the big guns.

Do they hate it?

Or do they like it?

Yeah, they don't look like they tolerate it.

They don't look to be pleased, you know, as they're posing for the pictures.

They look like they're just dying to get out of the costume.

We don't put it on all day, though.

No.

On Valentine's Day, I will will take my cats and shave them and then

present to the neighbors.

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So anyway, LukeCrate.com.

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But this leads us into this segment.

We're bringing this back.

It's been a while since we heard it, but here we go.

The world's greatest shitholes.

That's right.

Wow.

Hell on Earth, world's greatest shithole.

I'm going to knock India off the perch.

You know, people say that, like, you know, since Trump's been elected, you know, America is the laughing stock of the world.

Yeah, I keep hearing that.

We're not.

Not while there's countries that Gina's about to read an article about.

Okay.

I have a feeling that we still don't qualify as the world's greatest shithole.

I drove in a Wrangler and waved to like five people.

You tell me you don't like it, you're annoyed by it?

It doesn't annoy me.

I just wasn't aware that this was like one of those things.

And you know what's the worst?

When you wave and they don't?

Yes.

Oh, I feel like such an asshole.

I'm like, why am I buying into this?

Are they like leaving you hanging almost?

They do.

They do.

They do leave you hanging.

You know what I don't like?

You'll start to notice this subset of wise asses who like on the side rear view, on the side mirrors they'll put a palm print on the mirror oh so they don't have to wave

wave yeah no i don't i don't get that

yeah that's bullshit see now like on the bike i always wave to everyone regardless of the make of their bike of course right but uh there was a there's a large contingent of like people who ride american made bikes which i ride now who won't wave to people who ride yeah jackets i've been running to that because i well i ride i think because that's because you ride the triumph

and it's but even if you don't know it's a triumph, it's still a very American-looking bike.

But I think anything.

But I look like a fucking Limey's.

Right.

I would have waved you.

If I saw you on that, I would have waved to you.

No, no way.

Muttering the L-world.

To ride off with you.

I just keep waving to you.

Just going to an embankment.

I speak waving.

I was trying to be nice.

So, Giddam, read this article that you showed me.

Now, Giddam thinks this is a shithole.

Well, I just wanted to introduce you guys to Pony.

Oh,

wow.

Pony

presents.

He's an orangutan that is

chain around him.

He's shaved.

McDarrell's behind him.

So this story comes out of Indonesia, and more specifically, a small village in Borneo.

So

Pony,

this is told by Michelle

Desilitz, who's director of the Borneo Orangutan Survival Foundation.

It's 2016, this article's from, right?

Uh,

sure.

I don't see a date here.

All right, go ahead.

Pony is an orangutan from a prostitute.

Pony is an orangutan from a prostitute village in Borneo.

We found her prostitute village?

A prostitute village.

We found her chained to a wall, lying on a mattress.

She had been shaved all over her body.

Oh, no.

If a man walked near her, she would turn herself around, present herself, and start gyrating and going through the motions.

She was being used as a sex slave.

She was probably about six or seven years old when we rescued her, but she had been held captive by a madam for a long time.

I want to see Big Darrell's passport.

The madam refused to give up the animal because everyone loved Pony and she was a big part of their income.

They also thought Pony was lucky as she would pick winning lottery numbers.

So the reporter...

The reporter asked, did the clients realize they were in fact getting orangutan?

Oh, yeah.

They would come in especially for it.

You could choose a human if you prefer, but it was novelty for many of the men to have sex with an orangutan.

Oh my god!

They shaved her every other day.

They would put on rings, they would put on ring, they would put rings and necklaces on her.

She was absolutely hideous to look at.

The reporter asks, Well, how did you get her away from there?

Reporter.

This is the most fucked up part, yo.

It took us over a year to talk about it.

Is that the most fucked up part?

Okay, that's fucked up too, but this part made me go, like,

you're safe, India.

Yeah, India, yeah, I apologize and

drop a deuce wherever you want because

you drop a deuce proudly,

holding up on the number one finger with like a foam finger.

Head down to those train tracks.

Because you are not number one no more.

Point that finger right at Indonesia.

Okay, it took us over a year to rescue her because every time we went in with forest police and local officers, we would be overpowered by the villagers who simply would not give her up.

They would threaten us with guns and knives with poison on them.

Could you imagine fighting that hard to keep an orangutan that you are pimping out?

That's crazy.

You want to fight that hard to keep sage?

In the end, it took 35 policemen armed with AK-47s and other weaponry going in there.

Other than one AK-47 not take this.

Going in there and demanding that they hand over Pony.

It was filmed by a local television crew, and in the background of the film, when we were unchaining Pony, you could hear the madam crying hysterically, screaming, they were taking my baby.

You can't do this.

There was no law enforcement in Indonesia, so these people didn't face any sentence or anything for what they had done.

McDarrell.

That is possibly why he knew that story was about to break.

And maybe that's why he hasn't reached out to us.

Where did you find that?

On vice.com.

But how did you find that, I guess?

I think I saw it on Reddit.

I was browsing around Reddit, and I saw it in one of those.

A chain on her arm.

But is that baby now or baby then?

Pony.

Is that pony now or?

I am not sure if that's pony now or pony then.

Can you imagine?

I can't see this pony.

So you're saying Borneo is now the new

Indonesia.

Borneo is for, I guess, the Bornean forest in Indonesia.

Okay.

Right.

That was one of the three that's well known for.

Like, they're for orangutans.

Rwanda was for mountain gorillas.

And I forget the one that was for for children.

Oh, they would fuck mountain gorillas?

No, no, no.

I'm just saying that in that area.

I was like, damn, that's fucking like

fucking an atom bomb.

But they must, I mean, I'd say so, yeah.

Like, it could have just fucking exploded.

Like, whoa, there goes my arm.

But even with an orangutan, I mean,

like,

it must have been like they have been banging it since it was like a baby song.

Well, yeah, because they said she would present herself and gyrate.

Oh, boy.

Oh, my God.

That's disheartening, man.

That's departing.

So, if you want to hear more about that, if you want to hear more about Big Daryl, you can go to TESDImplants.bandcamp.com,

and

it is definitely an episode worth.

Yeah.

It's a $10.

It's one that you will not erase off your

go-to list.

If you have a TSD go-to list,

the Cochlear album, I think, is going to remain

on shuffle for you.

It's set the bar for what these.

Oh my God.

This is crazy.

It's a shaved orangutan.

That's it.

That's it.

What person goes in and is like, you can have

Giselle

or Pony?

Well, hold on.

We should fucking nuke the villains.

We don't know what the women look like.

And

pony pick winning lottery numbers.

Yeah, like a lot of people.

How is this a lottery?

Indonesia?

Yeah.

I was going to say, they don't have any laws.

How can they fucking?

If they don't have any laws, why do they have cops?

Right?

Did you just say in the article there's no laws?

There was no law enforcement.

I guess there was no law enforcement against that.

Oh, this is crazy.

Oh, this poor monkey.

Oh, God.

what sort of a dude mounts a monkey?

Big Daryl.

Big Daryl.

Big Daryl's like, I'll tell you.

Right, Cloud.

Hey, talking about the extreme vetting.

Yeah.

Can't we get them as number eight on the list in this country?

They can't come in.

Nobody could come in?

Orangutans?

No, anybody could come in.

No, people that would fuck at orangutans.

Yeah.

Oh, man, that's weird.

Do you think they still have the

protest demanding that, you know,

the population still should be able to allow that we come in?

Oh, do we have a lot of Indonesians?

I'm sure we got people from all over, all sorts of countries trying to come in.

Just Adam.

Well, look,

I'd like to put it this forth.

The people that like fucking orangutans are not dreaming of a better life in America.

They're happy where they are.

They're fucking fighting off cops to stay exactly where they are.

In fact, I think we want more of them here because the people that aren't coming from the Indonesians are the ones that are like, what?

I got to get out of here.

Like, I got to go someplace where, like, you're not going to fucking orangutan.

New York seems good.

The only successful immigrant so far is Big Daryl.

All right, so that's it, right?

Anything else you want to do?

Well, yeah, you know what

they should do is

they should bring Pony over here and slap a sexy pair of meundis on her

because Valentine's Day is near.

near.

I'm really enjoying these transitions.

And I'm stumped.

I'm stumped.

I'm like, what do I get?

For my orangutan, yeah.

There's so many cliches.

Yeah, yeah, really.

Or she'll fucking rip my arm off.

Can you imagine?

Did you see that dude in China?

He wanted to not pay to get into a zoo, so he climbed over this wall.

And the wall he climbed over, this was like not years ago, this was like a week ago.

Oh, no, I didn't see it then.

And he dropped down into the tiger.

Oh, shit.

And so there's like five tigers that are like, what's up?

And then they like go after him.

Are you sure this didn't happen?

Because I remember I couldn't say that.

I think it's a big thing in the Oriental countries that they are like,

that they mess with the tigers.

Get him.

No, he didn't mess with it.

I know what you're talking about, but no, he didn't mess with the tiger.

He was trying to skip out on paying the entrance fee, which on one hand is like,

are you that cheap or do you just want to go to the zoo that badly which kind of made me feel bad for him you know like he really wants to go to the zoo well why don't you spend that zoo time finding a fucking job he drops down into the fucking tiger in enclosure and a couple tigers attack him and they're like they're firing off these rounds like that scare the tigers away but not for good and this one tiger just swoops in and grabs this dude by the neck as if like as if you were like that little rubber chicken you used to hold with the devils like as if you grabbed that with your teeth like it was nothing.

Like this dude was nothing and just picked him up and carried him off into the brush.

Don't sneak into zoos.

Just pay.

Just pay.

Just pay the finance.

Free on Wednesdays and stuff.

Yeah.

You can definitely pay if you save some money on the undies.

Fancy dinners and chocolates last a week.

Have you ever sold a Secret Sash gift card as a Valentine's gift?

Has anybody come in and been like, my boyfriend?

I think that it's solely for that?

Yeah, I would imagine over the course of of these years.

Why do you think that?

Do you offer special Valentine's theme

gift cards or no?

No.

Why?

Will you draw hard on it?

I would.

Yeah?

I'm trying to drum up.

Oh, oh, yeah.

Well, this is for Miundi's.

Right.

Enough with that.

All right.

People need to spend money, man.

They've got to spend money at Myundi's.

Because you don't do anything for Valentine's Day, Q.

What if you didn't do something, Walt?

Would you be busted?

Big trouble?

I think, yeah, rightfully so.

I think that

it would be very disappointing because

I've got a history of bringing the A game on Valentine's Day.

So you can't not bring an A game on Valentine's Don't.

You fucked your game.

So you're the goat of Valentine's Day.

If I don't bring the A game on Valentine's Day, you know, I did.

I set myself up for

sooner or later, you know,

as I grow into my senior years, the A game is eventually going to drop to a C, D.

Right.

Well, it's always an F game.

Yeah, boy.

That's why you don't need Beyond D's board coming up anyway.

I don't ever want to get into that area where you accept a D game.

Right.

But I know eventually, just reality is, it's going to happen.

It may be, as far as I know, she may be like, It was a D game 10 years ago.

It was a D-game 10 years ago.

You're laboring under the delusion you're still bringing in the D-game.

I'd like to give the D-game.

Miandis are the perfect gift for you and your Valentine this holiday.

They're unbelievably soft, which I agree with.

They come in limited edition prints.

I guess I also have to agree with that.

Special fabric modal.

Yeah, you're going to give you a game.

Is this your first girl somebody?

Great gal?

Yeah, but I don't believe in celebrating Valentine.

So you're going to bring your D-game immediately.

So you're bringing the D-game immediately.

I'm not even sure.

Way out of the game.

Right out of the gate, D game.

It's an F, it's a forfeit.

I like it.

I like it.

You like that, Gib?

In theory, I like it.

Can Giddam get away with fucking bringing

you can.

Yeah.

But can he really?

I mean, but the thing, Giddam is you.

She's like, you bring your D game 364 days a year, so 365.

Like, just one day, you can't bring an A game.

It's a long-distance relationship, and for some reason, on principle, you won't fly her here.

So if I was you, I would like to send flowers or something.

He brings his a-hole game.

I just, I don't believe.

I just, like I said, I don't believe in Valentine's Day.

I think it's just a cash grab.

And I have a long history.

That's what all the cheap fucks say, because I know that's what I say.

Like, this is like, oh, my God, fucking, it's just Christmas.

And now I've got to buy something else.

Well, no, no, no.

If I got to go out of my way, if I pretend I'm happy, I got to pretend I care.

If I try to buy a dozen roses the week after Valentine's Day, it's like three times less expensive.

And you can't tell me that these farmers are all of a sudden like, wait a minute, why are we getting a run on flowers?

Let's raise the prices.

They know that the demand is going to go up.

They plant it ahead of me.

So you're making that stand.

You're going to be the one man who's going to be like,

I'm going to be like Q with Q stance against diamonds.

That's my stance against Valentine's Day.

It has to start with one man.

But what if I told you

that

bringing the A game has can bring so much more benefits to your life than your fucking stance?

You still are like, oh, it's still, you're still, it's the man of principle.

Principle is better than

being just rewarded for finally,

you know, bringing the A game.

Look how perplexed he looks.

He's like, I never thought of it that way.

How does your girl feel about it?

I'm not sure.

Well, don't you should find out before you fucking start making stands?

Because what if it hurts her?

Because I've always, it's a stand I've held for you.

Right, but I'm saying, does she know about this stand or is she finding out about it now?

I would hope she knows about this stand.

No one has known about this stand in fucking 15 years because he hasn't a girlfriend.

But, like, don't you think, like, it's easy to maintain the stand when you don't have a girlfriend.

No,

when I was with the ex, I maintained that stand and

your feelings or upset her.

Maybe that's why she left for the blind guy.

I don't think that's the reason.

He was one of the reasons.

Because he dressed up like Cupid.

I would make up for Valentine's Day later on in the year.

I feel that trying to.

She had a hell of a flag day, let me tell you.

I feel that trying to celebrate

a Hallmark holiday, if you will.

Oh,

you're making some sort of fucking derogatory statement there.

Like, Hallmark's just now fucking burning.

They're fucking, you know, they're seething after hearing that

story.

I feel that.

I've never heard that term before.

I feel that, like, taking someone out to dinner on Valentine's Day, it's.

You can't.

You're in another state.

Yeah.

So why can't you do just something sweet?

Like Sender Meandy's.

They offer free shipping and for a limited time.

Or anything.

But you are planning on doing absolutely nothing, right?

Why can't I be sweet every other day?

You can.

Yeah, exactly.

I can.

And I can't.

You wouldn't not acknowledge acknowledge Valentine's Day next week?

No.

All right.

Well, let's see how it pans out for you.

Well, now, of course.

Well, now, if someone asked me for a gift card, yeah, I'm going to put a little heart on it because, you know, I know the stance of the stash, and it's for whatever you are.

The stash is very pro-Valentine's Day.

What if she sends you a Valentine's Day gift?

Would you give her this speech?

Like, you shouldn't have done this?

I would thank her, maybe send her a link to that blog post I wrote all those years ago about how I feel about Valentine's Day.

Well, that's awful.

I would thank her.

She's She's got to be questioning it right now, right?

I mean, how does she not question it every minute of every day, let alone fucking Valentine's Day?

What is phone sex like?

What's the FaceTime's for?

What is FaceTime?

You jerk off on FaceTime?

No, I didn't.

No.

Imagine that.

Imagine watching that and still being like...

You could sell that for big bucks, though.

Yeah.

Yeah.

For a limited time.

13%ers all over.

We fucking pay mega bucks.

I think a lot of people would be tracking

that.

I think he could make himself at least 10 grand.

Does he have props and shit?

Yeah.

You're saying I could be like a cam whore.

I think you could be like a car.

Get him the cam whore.

Oh, like a sex tape.

Like a sex tape.

That's all.

It's just him.

Just him.

People are like, what am I seeing?

Pony?

Fucking

release

rothal footage from Indonesia?

Oh, it's so sweet.

They let Pony in the country.

You just have a villager in the background hanging out.

Is that his sanctuary?

Why does he have an LED hat on?

It looks like a hoarder's.

Yeah, why does he have like 500 telephone books in his sanctuary?

Are those jars filled with peel?

Oh.

Still,

that's true.

Good for Pony.

I'm glad this money went toward a good cause.

Pony.

If you just pretend you're pony, that's a fucking good idea.

That's a good idea.

That's my cosplay pony.

You just gyrate and present yourself on the video.

Just wearing a big chain around your neck.

Oh, boy.

So anyway,

you want to hold that phone.

Why is he on the phone if he's on FaceTime?

Let me just quickly get this call to action for Mundus.

If you don't want to buy Giddam sex tape, you can

free shipping and for a limited time.

Listeners get 20% off their first pair, but you got to go to meundis.com slash T-E-S-D.

You know the deal.

You got nothing to lose, everything to gain.

Soft cotton, Valentine's Day, blah, blah, buzzword, blah, blah, blah, meundies.com slash T-E-S-D.

You're being serious, though.

You've partaken in that over-the-phone

over-the-phone stuff.

I've never done it.

But you live with your your wife.

That's not a long time.

Right, but I was saying so.

You should do it from another room.

So I'm like, I mean, like, so I'm like, I'm intrigued.

So, you've done that over the phone?

I've done it before.

I'm not going to say with who or

with the clerk.

Otherwise, Mike will be pissed.

I'm not going to answer that.

I've done it before, but I'm not going to say who.

I've done it before.

I'm just not going to say with who.

All right.

No, I and

era?

Maybe year?

What year are we talking about?

Within the past decade.

Wow, that narrows it down.

Wow.

I mean, yeah,

good on you, man.

I'm impressed.

I'm very, like, I look up to you, man.

That's cool.

That's awesome, right?

Now, is it like

Orthodox, like where they insist you put a sheet over yourself and just jerk off?

Like, just punch your dick through, so they've got to look at the rest of you.

No,

you wear masks masks like in that

Tom Cruise movie.

Oh, like eyes wide shut.

You got a big beak mask on.

Tell them, Steve, Dave.

No, wait, wait.

I got to read the cochular album.

Hold on.

Did I read it already?

Cochular.

If you want to go to pick up that album with Big Daryl and find out what we're talking about, go to tesdimplants.bandcamp.com.

I don't know if I read that.

I think I did read it.

One more time.

It won't hurt.

Thank you, buddy.

We really want to help.

And

it is very much appreciated.

Anything.

I think that's all the business that there is for today.

Oh, wait a second.

The last thing,

the trial.

Oh, yeah.

You're good, Q.

You're innocent.

You're still on the show.

Oh, cool.

Thanks.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

I don't know where

I don't know where to start or where to go from here.

I can see everything

about you, it's so clear.

You were wrong,

I knew.

caught up with you.

Did you really

need to make me look like a fool?

I was dancing around everything

for you.

It was wrong

to be

fall

to swing.

Maybe you

were right.

I was the one to play.

Forgive me,

forgive me,

forgive me.

Tell my head

I got caught up with everything

you said.

I was tired of promises you never kept

it was wrong.

You knew

how

to fear

for

swear.

Maybe you

arrived.

I was the one to play.

Forgive me,

forgive me.

Forgive me.

me.

Who'd have thought it'd be me

to break away to be free?

Though I was wrong

for

so long.

Cause I wondered why you left me behind.

Forgive me for all I didn't say

how

to face

for

this way.

Maybe you

were right.

I was the one to play.

Forget me,

forgive me,

forgive me.

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