#320: Hey, hey we're the Jokers!

But he was a true monkey's junkie.

It's like he was a super cool uncle who sucked to molested you.

How is it a fucking mattress and invention?

Hello.

I didn't even say muscle car.

I was on that brought up muscles.

Yeah, what's up, Nancy boy?

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him, Steve, Dave.

So far, so good in 2017.

Walt, we haven't missed a week.

What's today, the 11th?

Two weeks in.

Yeah, so this will be the second week.

Is that your goal?

No missed weeks?

It's going to happen.

No, it's going to happen.

You can't keep to that kind of

unrealistic schedule.

Not when you got a fucking

basically the Beatles of fucking comedy on the TV.

Oh, I know, over there fucking taking pictures on fucking Abbey Road or whatever the fuck.

Four fucking assholes walking across the street.

I guarantee they do it, right?

They're going to do it.

Somebody's going to be like, you guys got to do it.

Did you see some of the pictures, though?

I mean, literally, it looks like

the arena is like...

It's a madhouse.

It's an arena.

It's like the Madison Square Gardens sold out 11 nights in a row.

Right.

Like Springsteen does.

It's more than impressive.

Like all joking aside about them being assholes, what we're going to do in the Beatles thing.

It is

really

because they're not that funny.

No, no, I mean, obviously, all those guys I think are hysterical, but they are really like rock stars of comedy.

It's fucking insane, dude.

Yeah.

Yeah, I saw the picture, somebody, some of the pictures.

And

again, though, very difficult for me to,

as

his lawyer, to still try to maintain this picture of that he's still normal and relatable.

It's gotten to the point now where

it's going to be very difficult for me to paint a portrait of him as being anything but fucking the jury is going to be so prejudiced.

You can't get a fair trial in this country or any other.

You're not going to have to go to fucking a shithole country

to have this trial where nobody knows him.

Yeah, or so no, because he said so many bad things about it.

What about the shithole?

Actually, no, we should go to India because I love him in India, and he does defend it.

Even though they're shitting on train tracks like crazy.

Speaking of relatable, we got Sunday Jeff here.

Yes.

Because who can't relate to him?

Right.

We may not have a king of comedy or a Beatle of comedy.

We've got the next best thing.

A Beatle of working on Sundays.

He's the Sunday one.

The Monkeys.

Remember how the Monkeys were the wannabe Beatles?

America's version version of the Beatles?

Would they be considered the America's version of the Beatles?

I don't.

I mean, I think they were the.

They might have been the first boy band, right?

Weren't they assembled?

Yeah, they were assembled.

They were assembled with the.

There was a formula, a formulaic strategy to who they picked to be.

But I thought they were like.

They're goofy, though, man.

Well, that's why I said you're like...

You would be the version of.

I hated the show.

I couldn't stand the Monkeys TV show.

I could could not understand.

You could have got past the fucking opening credits with the guy in the bathtub.

That's true.

That really turned me off, too.

But the whole appeal of it, you know who loved the Monkeys?

Shockingly so, because he was so into rock, and we would talk about rock.

And like, especially as I was getting into different artists, that I was discovering artists who were much, who were who were

long past their prime, but I would be discovering him, was Mark.

And when he told me, because this dude was, you know, he was into Van Halen, and he would know everything about the Who and Pete Townsend.

And he told me how much he loved the monkeys.

I thought he was fucking with me, but he was a true monkeys junkie.

It's like he was a super cool uncle who suddenly molested you.

It was so strange when he would tell me how much he loved the monkeys, because I was like, there's no song I can remember from the monkeys that didn't sound like it was pure pop, like bubblegum tripe.

I only know this song.

Like, hey, hey, we're the monkeys.

If you ask me another monkey song, what's another monkey junkie?

Like AJ Driver,

a little bit of EU, a little bit of matrix.

They had a bunch of hits.

They did have hits, but they all sounded like the Partridge.

They were actually the Partridge family, weren't they?

Right?

It sounds like that without the women.

Yeah, well, I hated that show, and

I could never understand how anybody but like a 12-year-old girl could be.

Remind me of the banana splits the way it opened.

It's just that goofiness to it.

The banana splits were banned.

I maintain they were better than the monkeys.

The banana splits?

They were definitely better to watch.

They were more funnier to watch, I'll tell you that.

Bouncing and shit, flipping, falling on the floor.

Okay, so you got your top ten

monkey songs.

Let's see how many you recognize on it, Jeff.

You got For Pete's Sake?

No.

Okay.

I'm Not Your Stepping Stone.

You do remember that one?

Okay.

Okay.

That was a big hit.

Was you sure that wasn't a cover?

No.

I'm not your stepping stone.

Yeah.

Did they write that or did they cover that song?

I don't think they.

No, Paul Revere and the Raiders.

I was going to say,

I remember that song, and that sounds way too complicated for that fucking band.

Yeah, Circle Sky?

I thought it was Austin Powers he was playing there.

Circle Sky?

No, I never heard of that one.

You and I?

Nope.

I thought I remember it.

I'd have to hear them.

I mean,

that sounds like

the monkeys.

Yeah, that sounds.

That voice, though.

It's the voice that's

just sounds like a healing voice.

Daily Nightly, Pleasant Valley Sunday.

Pleasant Valley Sunday, I know.

I remember that one.

I remember that song, too.

I don't know what it is.

The guitar riff was supposedly a take on the

paperback writer.

It sounds like it, yeah.

Valerie, the porpoise song.

Daydream Believer.

Doesn't sound like the walrus at all, does it?

The porpoise song?

I don't know.

Well, I mean, just in terms of the type of

good point.

One of those monkeys was

heir to the

White Out fortune.

Either his father or his mother created Patent White Out.

Oh, really?

He was like a billionaire.

So he doesn't give a fuck.

Huh?

He doesn't care what it is, then?

He doesn't care what it is.

If you're the heir of White Out.

Well, I mean, but let's face it, though.

I mean, that money's gone now, though.

I mean, nobody plays White.

Nobody uses White Out anymore.

Thank God, though, he created it when he did.

A lot of mistakes.

A lot of mistakes on that page.

Yeah,

I wonder which one it was.

You know who's like an expert at this?

That girl, Amy,

on Twitter, Valora Magorian aunt?

She's like.

Oh, she is.

She's in the monkeys.

Oh, my God, man.

She was like, when we did that monkeys thing on the show on Comic Book Men,

we did some Monkeys piece of merchandise or something.

Yeah, she was.

I remember it.

She was sick.

She was like, I'm so slick.

How many albums could they possibly make?

How many albums?

Oh, they had probably a lot.

If they had double figures, I would imagine.

I mean, should those.

Okay, like, they're not the Beatles.

Let's not.

The Doors didn't even make double albums.

A lot of good people out there.

Did they make it to 10 albums, the Doors?

No, I think they only have six or seven.

The Joker.

Oh, there's some controversies here, too, man.

Studio recording controversies.

Maybe they were like the milly-vanillis of.

Oh, they didn't sing their

perform their own songs?

Their studio abilities.

They're saying

Dolans told a reporter that the Wrecking Crew provided the backing tracks for the first two Monkeys albums, and that his origin was a drummer.

Was simply that a monkey had to be tested with learning the drum since he only knew how to play the guitar.

Our records are not our forte.

Do you know how they quoted Michael Nesmith rallying against his own music creation process?

Do you know how debilitating it is to sit up and have to duplicate someone else's records?

Tell the world we don't record our own music.

Our records are not our forte.

The whistle-blowing on themselves worked in forcing producer Don Kirschner.

Man, you remember that name?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, God.

He was the man.

Late night with Don Kirchner.

Oh, Don Kirchner's rock concert, man.

Yeah.

Out of the project, and blah, blah, blah.

Okay, there's a whole bunch of shit on Wikipedia you can read for yourself.

But, oh my god, there's tons of controversy.

It seems mostly about

they

weren't recording their own music.

But, like, let's say the Jokers aren't the Beatles.

Are they the monkeys then?

Like, that's still respectable.

They're silly.

Yeah.

I mean,

they would have to be definitely

considered at least the monkeys, if not, you know,

maybe even the who were the stones behind the monkeys.

Let's not get too ahead

Yeah,

in the hierarchy of 60s, Beach Boys.

I hated the Beach Boys, too.

Jan and Dean.

I couldn't say anybody who liked the Beach Boys.

The music is a fucking picture.

The California sound.

Yeah.

Never liked it.

It just, everything was associated with fucking TV commercials.

Like, that's where you heard most of the music.

That's where you heard it first.

Right.

But, you know, our parents heard it on the radio.

Not mine.

They would never turn the stereo on.

We had a stereo, had a car radio, everything.

Pam was too busy raising kids to listen to music.

Fucking psychotic.

Oh, shit, man.

I fucking.

I say this with no hyperbole.

I saved Sage's life the other night.

Really?

Really?

Saved her life.

Heimlich?

Yeah.

No way.

I used the Heimlich, yeah.

Never in a million years thought I would use the Heimlich.

I didn't even know you knew it, but you were used to be a lifeguard.

You still remembered all the skills.

I'm like, that's fucking great.

Just came to me naturally.

We were eating dinner, and

we were having hot dogs, and she had this.

That's always the...

That's the culprit.

That's always the...

When someone's choking on food, nine out of ten times, it's always a fucking dog.

Child's greatest enemy is the friend.

I'm not kidding around.

Look it up.

My mom would tell me that, like, you know, that's one of the reasons she was glad I didn't eat hot dogs because she always thought I was going to choke on one.

I choked on so many hot dogs when I was a kid.

You still do.

Yeah.

Still choking hot dogs.

Yeah, right and left.

Wow.

Where was she?

We were eating dinner or at the table and she takes it.

She takes a bite and she

swallows it and then she starts, or tries to swallow it, she starts coughing.

And

she's a little bit of a pig when she eats, so like it's not uncommon for her to like, you know, eat a little too fast or whatever.

Mostly because I'm always trying to get at it and she just has to eat it as quickly as possible.

But I could tell, like, she started choking, and like, her arms started flailing.

She didn't turn blue, did she?

No, she didn't turn blue, but she stood up.

I was like, Can you talk?

Can you talk?

And her face was like, start, she was like,

starting to get red.

And like, when I grabbed her, like, around her middle, her body was like, it almost rigorous.

It was so stiff.

And her arms were out.

And I just went like, boom, one, and then boom, two.

And like, did it pop out?

Popped right out.

Yeah, it came out of her mouth.

Holy shit, it works.

Crying and shit.

Oh, my God.

And how on earth, then,

can you,

after that

heroic

effort, be in a bad mood?

Because I know you've been in a bad mood lately, but how on earth can you, who just saved the person you love the most, how can they not give you a high for at least like, I've always wanted to do that.

I'm always like, kids, you want any hot dogs?

Hot dogs again?

Why?

You hate them, Danny.

Why you chew it so much?

Just swallow it.

You don't need to, like, you're overchewing.

We're a very busy family.

We don't have time for chewing here.

Cut and force.

I mean, I have I mean, how can, yeah, I mean, you should be like riding high off some, like, that kind of feet.

I know, I should.

I should.

I should be walking around beating my chest.

I don't know.

I guess it goes to show the depth of fucking self-loathing.

I don't know what it is.

I got to go see it.

When was it?

This was, what day is today?

Wednesday?

So it would have been Monday?

Yeah, I mean, it's Wednesday 48 hours.

I mean, who else is at the table?

Was Edgar sitting here?

And he was just sitting on his ass, right?

And you fucking leapt into action.

Who ate all the hot dogs?

Yeah,

and Pam was there.

And Suzanne was there.

So everybody saw it.

Well, Suzanne starts screaming.

That's normally what she does when we think.

That's the alarm.

Yeah.

There's the alarm.

Where's the action?

That's usually to calm everyone down.

She starts screaming and going wild.

And Edgar's like, calm down, calm down.

This is years of time.

Makes your kid even more going crazy.

We thought that this is the biggest asshole thing I ever did.

This is actually probably to make up for, like, the savings are big up for this.

But when she was little, she was like three, and I pretended I ate a rock.

Right.

And I was like, I got such strong teeth, I can eat rocks.

She did eat one?

She pretended she did, just like I pretended.

But I thought she really ate it.

And I was like, did you eat that rock?

And then I think she thought she was in trouble, so she didn't say anything.

And I'm like, Holy shit, she's choking on a rock.

Again, Suzanne starts screaming,

flying out of the house.

Edgar's like, What the hell's going on?

This is years ago.

But if she pretends that, not much has changed, I guess.

Yeah, I was going to say, but if she was pretending, what was she choking on then?

Nothing.

So you thought, so wait a minute, so she wasn't choking, but you went and leapt into action if she was choking to get the rock out of her?

Yeah.

I don't know if a rock can do any damage.

I think my dog eats rocks, and he's all right.

Yeah, but I mean, she was so little, I thought if it got lodged in her throat or something, just like the hot dog.

But she was able to speak, though.

No, she couldn't.

No, no, it was Suzanne who was screaming and running around like crazy.

But she she was, I was like, can you talk?

I was like, say say Dana.

And she was just looking at me.

And I was like, oh, fuck.

Like,

now she's going to choke to death on a rock because

I can't stop myself from constantly making shit up.

So Edgar was like, so you had to be like.

He's like, what's going on?

Did you cop to the fact that I'm like, well,

fuck no.

I was like, we thought she swallowed her up.

Dumb kid.

Who eats rocks?

Yeah.

What do you got?

Down syndrome or something?

What the fuck's the matter with you?

Yeah, she's smarter than me.

I'm the fucking asshole who's like, ah, shit.

I go, like, start strangling Suzanne because I'm afraid she's going to wrap me up.

They come in, Suzanne's dead.

Sage is like, what's going on?

She eats rocks.

No, that's awesome, though.

I mean, everybody else is just sitting on their hands.

Man of action.

Not Brian Johnson.

No.

Everyone's screaming

or in shock, not you.

Or wondering what their 49-year-old son is doing in their house.

I was just over there for dinner.

How do you expect us to leap into action?

He's back.

It's a good thing he was back, though.

We're safe again.

Got a lifeguard in the house now.

Yeah, it was one of those things, like this whole eviction thing.

Stayed at the

extended stay for a little while.

What a treat that is.

And Sage loves it.

Sage would fucking love it.

Yeah.

She would live in a hotel if she could.

And then Pam's like, stay here, stay here.

We have the room.

Don't waste money.

Stay here.

Blah, blah, blah.

And it's, I don't know.

It's fine.

Right.

I think

totally fine.

I think,

and I can I offer

just a suggestion.

I want to listen to everything you have to say because, dude, you are so fucking zen.

Like, I probably need to be medicated, and then I could be as zen as you.

But, holy shit, man.

Like, I got that text last night, and it, like, well, I actually got it this morning since I threw my phone yesterday and broke it.

But when I read it, I was like, wow, what a fucking great guy.

Like, what a nice, what a good friend, man.

Like, simple, like,

not overly fucking emotional and shit, but I was like, it meant a lot, you know, like in the moment.

Well, I'm glad to hear it helped.

I mean, I was going to

come over your house because, you know, I had gotten word that you weren't doing well.

But then I was like, well, he's at his mom's house.

It'll be weird if I go over, so I'll just text you.

Because you're probably having sex.

I'm going to walk in.

She's annoyed.

Did you swallow a rock?

You're going to.

Hot dogs.

Yeah.

Andrew's like, she's about to swallow too.

But

the way you're you're operating now, it'd be safe to say

not totally happy with the outcome of things, right?

Life in general?

Just your yeah, the way you're your M.O., the way you, the way you, the way you go.

I can't seem to operate like a normal person.

No.

There's something that, like,

if there's a like I said, man, I'm great at advising other people.

Maybe not right now.

Now I'd probably be like, hold my hand as I fucking leap into the ocean.

Have some rocks.

Try a hot dog.

I want to feel good.

I want to feel live again.

But I mean, just, I mean, I don't know if it would even work, but if you were to make every effort

to try to treat

Suzanne, your mom, Edgar,

and this would be difficult, but as if

they meant everything.

Or anything.

He's got a knife right by him over there.

I'm not fully.

Well, I heard you're good at this butterfly knife, man.

I heard that he was skilled.

Really?

Yeah.

Give us a little demonstration, man.

I heard he's.

Who'd you hear this from?

Get him reported.

See, that's not easy, man, because that's a fucking sharp knife.

You got to make sure you do it this way.

Do it this way, you're going to have that dog for dinner.

I didn't even know you were skilled in the art of.

What'd you call that?

I took karate and stuff when I was younger, too.

Butterfly knew that.

That's karate.

That's considered martial arts.

It could be if I throw them.

What are you talking?

That would be considered a martial arts?

fucking swinging a knife around?

I was doing nunchucks, too.

No, I took some karate stuff down.

What belt were you?

I was a karate star, huh?

What belt were you?

I didn't get past, I think,

whatever the second was, was green or after white.

Whatever it was after.

White is first.

White was first.

It was the next belt.

Green belt?

That was it.

Yeah, it was.

It was like green, blue, red, brown, black, something like that.

No, I didn't know that.

Well, not many people go around boasting about a second-level belt.

You're talking about law.

Oh, you know what?

That's still like, that's two levels above most people in the room, right?

Well, I like to.

can you break any boards?

I've never did the Heimlich maneuver.

I mean, no, so

maybe I could take a life and he could save it.

But have you broken any boards?

I don't have to like that.

No.

You never, like, got into a situation where you had to karate kick a guy.

No, I never even had to use it, tell you the truth.

I really don't remember much of it.

It's a good thing, man, because when you fucking

get away with it, like a weapon.

My kind of should be registered.

I just walked the earth like Kane.

But anyway, going back to what I was saying, though, is like, could you go with that M.O.

Could you operate like that?

I know it sounds weird, but maybe it would

as if they meant everything to me?

Well, you know what?

I'm saying, like, you know,

just a different mindset.

I think that is the key here is

a different mindset may be helpful.

It may not be.

I don't know.

Well, it all depends on, are they agitators?

You could have one person that could agitate and just trigger a series of events.

Yes, what if you have three?

Right.

Say, three I'm trying to do the best with.

There's always that one agitator in there and throws everything off.

Puts me right back in my mood.

I definitely need a different mindset.

I don't know if that's exactly the way I would go.

Good earplugs.

Yeah, because, I mean, it's.

It's just, I hate to see you

beat yourself up, take yourself to task for God knows, I don't even know what at this point.

Because, you know, like you want, like, it was so, I thought it was so weird.

That's why I didn't want to do it.

It was like you were like, you had this blowout with Ming because you didn't show up to a con.

I don't know if you want to talk about that.

You can cut this if you want.

Oh, no, that's okay.

It wasn't really a blowout, I didn't think.

You were mad.

Oh, no, I wasn't really mad.

I was like.

Was I mad?

Did I blow up?

Because I forgot.

You were mad, and you sent a text to me in Cuba, like, Ming is never to be involved in anything.

Tell him Steve Dave again.

That tells me you're furious.

Yeah, that's true.

I'll try to forgot about that.

You were furious.

Because I saw on Twitter he starts like

he starts putting me on blast on Twitter, which to me is like you're either not friends with a person or you're a fucking 14-year-old girl.

That's my feeling about calling somebody out else on Twitter.

Well,

I would have to,

like,

to be fair to Ming, I would have to be, it's not as if I haven't done it to you before, though.

What's that?

Oh, put me on blast on Twitter?

Remember when I fucking went after you for going for saying you were rooting for the Kings?

Oh, yeah, because you started saying some really mean shit that I was like, wow.

like, what the fuck?

Over see, that's true.

Over something that I was like.

I was mad.

It was like, it was then that it was really at that moment that I truly understood like the level of your psychosis when it comes to like the devils and that shit.

You rock the boat.

I mean, I don't want you to feel any guilt because I'm over it.

But I still maintain that if you didn't rock that boat, the devils would have had a fourth fucking cup.

Right.

They probably read that tweet and they're like, everyone's like, what do we make of this?

What chance do we got now?

Yeah.

The ranks of Pucknuts are divided.

One seems to be jokingly supporting the kings.

Oh, boy, you are pissed.

Yeah, well, anyway, so Ming calls you out.

So Ming calls me out, and he's like, makes me look bad, makes her look, the manager look bad, which to me, I'm like.

Look, I'm not saying I'm right by not showing up.

But I'm not saying I'm right at all.

But what I'm getting back, Ak, is

you wanted to pod with me

and you wanted me to come and be involved in it and you wanted me to go after you almost like in a sado-masochistic way and i'm like well i don't have any i'm not uh but i'm not annoyed with you i don't care if you don't go to a con in my eyes the only thing that i would say i would say is

it just would it just would stink if there's like and i don't mean this in a bad way but if there's a couple of people who showed up i'm not saying like there would be droves of people you get disappointed but there may be a couple people who are on a budget who are like, hey, I paid

enough good money to see you.

Yeah, I see this asshole, and then he's not even there.

To those people, I said, just email me, and a couple people have.

Email me at TelemSteve at 37-inch email, and I'll make it right.

I'll do something for you.

Yeah, I.

Oh, you did.

All right.

But you want, yeah, and I thought it was weird.

And I was like, well, I don't want to.

Mike was going to be there, too.

Mike was going to be the counterpoint.

I just didn't want anything because what I'll do is I'll try to talk circles around Ming, but I want someone who's experienced with me talking circles around people and not let me get away with it so I would be held accountable.

Yeah, but I think you're, again, do I think you're,

I'm not going to say

you're right in not going or you're wrong in not going, but

I just think you just got to be like, you know what,

you're not into it.

I'm not there.

Stop agreeing to it.

I know.

Stop agreeing to it.

That's what I do every time.

I'm just like, why the fuck did I go?

Because it's six months from now.

You're like, oh, in six months from now, I'll go.

And then

when it's your six hours away, you're like, I don't want to do this.

You're six hours from the flight, I mean.

What was I thinking?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So you just got to stop.

Like Pittsburgh, though.

Like,

you're going to be in Pittsburgh.

And I'm like.

I'll like doing that because you'll be there.

Like the ones you go to.

And it's not that I dislike Mike and Mink, because I don't.

Like, I like them, and when we're doing the shows, it's fun and stuff.

More and more I find they don't give us panels, which is really the only reason I want to go.

Yeah, it's the only reason I don't want to do it.

Well, that's one of the reasons I don't want to do it.

I can't stand the panels.

Really?

The panels are

awkward and

I'm just

trying to get Connecticut, stuff like that.

Just stuff that's not really that far away.

But you mean, you got to go where the guarantee is, so that means getting on a plane.

Yeah.

And even then, there's just something, again, like, about,

hey, I'm going to write my name on this.

Give me money.

Like, I just.

It's not you then.

What's strange, though, is if I was getting a huge guarantee, like say 50 grand a weekend, it'd be way less tacky.

I'd be there before me than the guarantees we get if we get a guarantee anymore.

But like I said, we're the only people who fucking are on TV

every year.

The price goes down.

People want to see us less.

I mean,

look at the your

was

now.

But

that's just the way the that's just the way our

ball has

dropped.

It dropped on the side of

it's going downhill.

Q's ball is bouncing uphill.

Ours is bouncing a little downhill, but it still doesn't change.

We wish we were the monkeys.

No, I don't.

Not at all.

Eventually, that ball will run downhill, too, eventually.

But I would not.

I mean, I don't mean it in a bad way, but I would not want to do what Q's doing.

I would not want to have to have that kind of pressure, that kind of thing.

We could be the impractical jokers if you would just fly.

We'd be fucking millionaires right now.

You know what I'd do?

You wouldn't be selling out arenas.

CVM?

CVM?

You wouldn't even sell out a fucking VFW hall.

Couldn't we get like the first couple rows if we offered free food?

It's crazy how fucking popular they are.

And

I don't want anybody to think that I wouldn't want to do it.

I just am not

built.

I'm not built to handle what he's doing, and I would not enjoy myself.

But I could see how, easily, how it could be, you know, the most greatest thing.

I'm sure it takes its toll on you, though, but I'm sure it takes its toll on you, all that flight, traveling, everything else.

I'm not sure it told you, but it would be a lot of fun.

All those taxes he has to pay.

Yeah, taxes you got to pay.

But I'm saying your home life.

How much home life do you have left?

The toll for me, yeah, would be exactly what you're saying.

The toll for me would be like being away from my routines, being away from the things that I enjoy or

just all that.

They would be, but you know, there's a, but there is a, you know, it's like, well,

you're getting compensated to miss those things for a little bit.

So, you know, I'm not sure.

So basically, Meg wants to be in the practical Jokers.

I mean,

his lifestyle is great.

He's doing he's

kind of living.

He's on tour basically all year round, isn't he?

You have a family, I mean, Q's by himself.

I mean, it's a big difference.

I mean, you have no obligation to do it.

Even my kids are older now.

So

I wouldn't want to be away from that dog, though.

I mean, that dog is awesome.

Oh, my dog.

Yeah, that dog.

That both dog is awesome.

I love that dog.

It'd be like Shannon Elizabeth.

She brings her dog every night.

I couldn't take him everywhere I go.

He's a fucking pain in the ass because I have to carry him everywhere because he fucking woke up and going down the stairs.

Really?

Yeah.

There was a dude long ago when I used to have a place to live.

There was a guy who had like an old, like one of those little mini collies.

And this dude was not a fucking young guy.

He was probably in his mid-60s.

And he would have to carry that dog up two flights of stairs.

Yeah.

Because they're just like, either can't do it or won't do it.

Yeah, I don't know.

It's him.

He won't do it because he, I guess, because he slipped down the stairs and now it's ingrained in him.

Afraid of it.

He can't do it.

So I got to carry him everywhere.

And it's just

taking its toll.

My neck hurts.

Does he whine?

Like, if you go upstairs and he's down a hill, really?

He cries to get to come up.

Shoots up the stairs like, there you go, putts.

Well, I'm here to tell you, Walt, that there's no breed of dog that can overcome the comfort that a Casper mattress will provide.

That could alleviate some back pain.

I'm sleeping on a Casper mattress, and I'll tell you, after my back is really hurt, and that's the one thing I'm like, I just got to lay down on my mattress for a little bit.

Yeah, you're like, Deb, get the Casper.

Did they drag it out for you?

No, we have it on our bed.

Okay.

These are required talking points.

Sunday, Jeff.

We get in big trouble if we don't do this.

The Casper is an obsessively engineered mattress at a shockingly fair price that I would agree with.

Yeah, it's a good price.

Supportive memory foam to create an award-winning sleep surface with just the right sync and just the right bounce who who where what are the fucking like the sleepies like award-winning sleep service like who gives that award oh they've won the the sleepy i guess

called the sleepy well i mean the mattress industry i think you i think you're uh

you're very in misinformed if you don't think this the uh sleep industry and mattress industry is in a very dog-eat-dog world.

You have no idea, and you have no idea how much competition there is out there.

Right.

And to win a sleepy means that you're.

You know, I made up the sleepy, right?

There's not an award.

We should make one up right for them right now.

Present it with Casper right now.

They said they creates an award-winning sleep service.

Why did you call it the sleepy then?

I don't know.

Because you sleep

on the surface.

It's not the sleepy award.

Yeah, it's the 2017 sleepies.

Casper sweeps them.

Yeah, I think they've won everyone.

2011 days in 2017.

They were already won award.

Time magazine named it one of the best inventions of 2015.

How is it a fucking mattress an invention?

You want to sleep on the floor?

But come on.

How can you create something that already exists?

Just change the interior of it and then call it an invention.

Put a clock in it, right?

Is that what they say?

The Simpsons.

Right?

Would that be considered an invention?

Well, they're saying that it's obsessively engineered.

Take a sleepy way for

the.

Oh, really?

It's like when Millie Vanilli got their Grammys taken away and shit.

Free shipping and returns, U.S.

and Canada.

U.S.

and Canada are favored by countries.

Why not Mexico?

Why are they saying sorry, Mexico?

Because they're sleeping here.

Oh, they already jumped over the wall.

That's what they should do: line.

If Trump builds his wall,

Casper should line it with mattresses so when they hop over, they don't get hurt and they're fucking in the country anyway.

It's so comfortable, they just fall asleep.

You don't even have to catch them.

Yeah, you just get them right there.

Scoop them up.

Cash bears like, ah.

So, anyway, we'll have a sleepy sleep.

Sleepy lords.

Go back to that.

No more walls.

100 nights risk-free in your own home?

It's pretty good.

Can you, now, what do they do if you do return it after 100 nights?

They've got to destroy that.

And you've had 100 nights of fucking sleep love making.

Would you

could you do 100 nights in a row?

I couldn't do 100 seconds in a row.

I don't know.

So come on.

I don't even think Q could do 100 nights in a row.

No, maybe 20 years ago, 25 years.

How old are we?

49, 20 years.

There's not a chance he could do 100 nights in a row.

Quinn?

No.

No.

His schedule alone would not allow it.

But even if he was to take 100 nights off from his 100-night Casper challenge.

Can we get that going?

You know how they have all these fucking challenges on YouTube?

Oh, yes.

That's our new challenge.

How do you prove it, though?

You got to like, I guess, like, tile it out.

Well, yeah, you buy a Casper.

It's kind of like a power.

And you.

Yeah.

A hundred nights in a row you have to show yourself fucking on it.

Just for a little bit.

Yeah.

You will tile out the naughty bits.

First person.

Yeah.

All right.

That's the new thing, the Casper fucked.

But

let's say you were to keep, not even, don't worry about the 100 nights in a row, but let's say you did keep the Casper for 100 nights.

Do you think there's any asshole out there that's like, I'm going to sleep on it for 100 nights and I'm going to return it on the 101st?

What do they got to do with that match?

You think?

They destroy it?

Or do they return it?

No, no, enough, Sunday, Jeff.

How did they handle it when Walt told you to give their spins back?

Drinks it in the sun coast.

Does this belong here?

I slap a fucking

sticker on it that has no UPC.

It's like a green arrow figure or something.

There's no way, right?

I got $9.99 for the mattress.

I got something.

They got it.

It's like Miundi's.

Miundi's is like, hey, you don't like your, you know, I don't mean to let a Miundi's commercial bleed in here, but but

you don't like it,

you send them back, you get rid of them.

Nobody's like

a giant fucking box of Myundis that are like, hey, these are free for the taken guys.

But can you recycle the foam?

Is foam recyclable?

Probably.

Didn't they have all those remnants at Collingswood?

Right?

Yeah, I don't know.

They must do something.

Maybe they

don't gasp.

They sell used mattresses.

Like, if you go into a place

like a secondhand, like a thrift store or something?

I mean, what is that, three months ago?

base army, something like that.

Right, but I mean.

I mean, because you sleep on mattresses in hotels and shit.

Yeah, you're right.

I'm just wondering, like, you know, what.

There's no way Casper packages in Sulcon is new.

No way.

If that's what you're getting at.

No, I'm not.

But I just wonder, like, you know what?

It's moot.

Right.

Because

there's never no returns.

Right.

The return department has been fucking liquidated.

Right.

Right there.

The new Maytag repairman.

The people at the return department at Casper?

Yeah, they're sleeping.

They got cobwebs on them.

Special offer to listeners: $50 toward any mattress purchase by visiting casper.com/slash T-E-S-D.

Because Sage is one of those kids that, like, you know, like, I have a king bed, but like, even at 10, she still wants to sleep in the same bed, but she kicks and all this other shit.

So I go sleep in her bed.

She has a Casper mattress, so I'm like, fine.

Yeah.

Fall right asleep.

Yep.

Where do you got to go?

I drink off 100 nights in a row on our mattress.

Yeah,

www.casper.com slash T-E-S-D.

Can I take care of some business, too?

Oh, more business?

Sure.

I guess it's important.

It's about clay, baby.

Oh, we need to.

Clay business.

Another update here.

I've got a lot of emails about people who.

It seems

four years.

How late is this project?

I think it's a lot of

years.

Come on, let's not get crazy.

But it seems two years is a long time in the age of media because apparently there's this thing called digital downloads that people are asking if they can get instead of a DVD.

So they bypassed your fucking antiquated DVD.

They're not even going for the Blu-ray.

Is there any way you could just get a digital download?

And I asked Declan to look into it, and he set up a website where we're asking people to go check in and make sure your address is correct.

And if you, you, and apparently, those people have been asking me, can I get the digital download instead of the DVD?

Yes, you could change your preference on the website too.

If you just want to get the digital instead of the DVD, go for it.

And that's

tesdclay.com.

And we're also going to send out

a Kickstarter update too with the website address

after this drops.

So tesdclay.com.

And

before Valentine's Day,

if you want a digital download, you will have one.

That's what you could do on Valentine's Day.

Sweet.

Nice, man.

I mean, come on.

That's a great thing to do.

Get your honey, lay in your Casper.

Your honey?

Yeah.

What are you doing with honey?

You're a woman.

Oh, okay.

I thought you were talking about literal honey.

I don't know what's up.

Hey, listen,

you want to do that in your Casper?

That's fine, too.

I'd like to masturbate with molasses.

And also, I'm asking,

we're trying to do a very, very cool project in 2017, later in 2017.

And I am putting out feelers or

looking for anybody who listens to Tom Steve Dave who might have some prowess in digital scanning, like 3D printing.

If you...

Printing or sculpting?

3D printing, I think.

I'm looking to get something 3D scanned

for something we're gonna do later on in the year.

And um

I really would love to have someone come into the and come into Redbank and be able to talk to me and do it.

But um local you want.

Somebody.

Local, but it you know, w I'll take whatever I can get at this point, though.

If you want to fly yourself in,

you contact me at uh kmes2

at gmail and put in the um

the topic or the subject of the email, uh three D printing help.

3D printing help.

All right.

How many fucking emails does Declan have going on now?

Like every single, like, whether it's

like the clay, whether it's the

voices, whether it's this or that.

Oh, that's Pepper.

Everybody has.

Oh, is that Pepper?

That's Pepper.

That's not Declan.

Declan's only dealing with one thing right now.

That's the TESD clay documentary.

Gotcha.

All right.

Sunday, Jeff, you know what I'm wondering, man?

I'm in the market for a new car, right?

Are you a car guy?

Do you like cars?

Do you like the engineering of cars, of automobiles?

Do you pay attention to the art of the car?

The art of the car?

The art of the car has been lost, right?

Or is it just a practical use?

We're doing what I did for all these years?

Yeah,

it's just a mean of transportation to me now.

I mean, I could tell you if the car is good.

When you were younger, did you have a dream car?

Like, did you call your car when you were working with your friends?

Like, my car.

That's my car.

That's my limo.

Did you ever do that?

The one that won't start?

Did you have a car that you dreamed of having?

I was into muscle cars.

I wasn't really into cars like that.

I didn't even say muscle car.

Nah, any of those.

The one that brought up muscles.

Yeah, what's up, Nancy Boy?

Cars that I like.

You wanted a pink Cadillac life.

We're all the exotic cars.

Those are cars I like.

Ferraris, Lamborghinis.

So what was your dream car when you're growing up?

Probably Lamborghini Kuntush.

Is that how it pronounced?

Yep.

The Lamborghini Kuntosh.

That was the big one in the 80s.

That was the one.

That was one of the biggest.

Ferrari Testerosa.

I mean, it was just someone who was.

Is the dream dead?

Is there any chance you'll ever own it?

Let's look at the guy.

How do you think?

Yeah.

Hot wheels are matchbox.

No, there's no.

Come on, man.

That's what we do around this age.

Guys will have their crisis and get their car that they want.

My dreams, dude, my dreams are just having breakfast with Count Chocolate,

Frankenberry, and Booberry.

I'd settle for that at this this time.

Those dreams are very easy to attain, but a contouchious?

I think you got a contouchious

Lamborghini.

Contushish?

What's it called?

Lamborghini Contouche?

What's it called?

Contouche.

Contouche?

That's not possible.

I don't make those anymore.

Would you want maybe

1990?

That's the last year they made it?

Yeah.

Would you, if you had your own Ferrari, would you peel?

Could you do that?

Would you race up it?

Well, yeah, would you race up and down

Broad Street?

I never could burn rubber.

I never knew how to do it.

Oh, that I've done before.

You've burned rubber, huh?

That I've done.

Well, it's hard to burn rubber in a Civic.

He's a driver.

I had a Camaro.

I had a Camaro.

Well, you said the Civic.

You made it burn.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Well, you have the Civic.

Every time he fucking put on the turn signal, the windshield wipers would come on.

Every time, without fail.

Every time, yeah.

He says, when I first met him, his windshield wipers, he had a freaking piece of string going

through the window, and he used to pull the fucking string back and forth.

He's following her in my house in a rainstorm one day.

I was like, dude, why are you going so?

I'm doing so slow.

He's just still with this, like a yellow piece of yarn.

It's like, fucking fixed it thing.

It was a Ford.

He had that Ford probe.

I'm like, oh my God.

I'm sitting in the car one time.

It's like, dude, I think somebody just sent me.

And he just still goes on, like, nothing was going on.

What was that blue car you had that was Pontiac Sunbird?

Was it?

That was before my time.

No, oh no.

I had a Chevette.

I had a.

The Chevette was the one that, like, that the windshield wipers always came on.

Sundance.

Sundance.

I had a Sundance that was like light blue, like a metallic light blue.

I remember

when I lived a couple doors down from you, and it looked like someone had poured like a bucket of white house paint all over the side of his car.

He doesn't even like, we go together.

He doesn't acknowledge it.

He's not like, who the fuck poured paint on my car?

Or the like massive birds?

Really, literally, like the world's biggest bird took a shit shit on it.

We just get in the car and he drives off and

you said nothing.

Yeah,

I didn't even notice it.

Yeah, I was like, what's all over your car?

You're like, what are you talking about?

And I remember your brother, because your brother, I remember you said that your brother was questioning you, like, what the fuck's all over his car?

Yeah.

And I was like, and it didn't bother me.

Cars have never been.

But something else you would notice within a heartbeat.

Oh, yeah, if it was on a comic I bought, it would fucking drive me nuts.

It would be like I would lose sleep.

I'd be tossing and turning, and I'd be like, I got to get a new copy of that comic book.

Just see the fold etched in his cupboard.

There's a fucking minute little fucking

hair

smudge, or something is not correct, and it would bother the shit out of me.

But yeah, my car could have someone basically fucking

go to the bottom of the door's off the car while he goes in there.

Yeah,

I heard that

you inspect your CDs rather carefully.

Are you used?

Did you see that used?

Yeah, Gale was holding.

He's like, How the fuck did he fuck up?

When you were over at Jax before, he said you went over to Jackson.

And I said, well, when he walks into Jax, I bet you everybody in that fucking place is fucking jumps to attention because you're the last man alive buying any fucking CDs or anything.

That's not true.

I mean, there's, well, I guess more people are.

I mean, I'm not hip like everybody today buying vinyl, you know, a backward technology.

But

you're still in the market for CDs if you see one you like.

And he said that, like, when you've, last time you brought a CD and he was, and Ginim was here working with you,

you

look like a mental patient, was looking at it like looking for the most.

Talking about Ginham and mental patients.

That's right off the bat.

That's not even.

He said you had a jeweler's loop out.

He said it looked like it, like, you know, you look like Chaka looking in a mirror.

He had never seen a mirror before.

Chaka.

Chaka bukuni.

Chaka would be like berries.

Chaka CD?

You said you really would like give it the once-over, like no one's business.

Because there's two reasons why I've done that recently.

One time I got the CD, it wasn't even the right CD in the jewel case when I got home.

And then the other time I would think that's a cursory glance, not my inspection.

I wouldn't think you need to look at it that close.

I'm just saying,

there have been times where I have bought a couple CDs over there, and they're pretty fucked up.

They don't play, they don't download on my iTunes.

You couldn't rip them?

No, it would just be, it would be like, it would like lock up.

It'd be,

and just, that's, that's it.

No matter how you're doing.

I'm also told you have every CD you've ever bought.

You still

a lot of times it

threw them out.

No, no.

The only thing I ever keep is basically.

I don't throw them out.

I traded a lot of stuff in there, too.

You got all your KISS CDs?

KISS, I have.

I have my KISS CDs.

You got all your Led Zeppelin CDs?

I got a Japanese box that the Led Zeppelin came with all the miniature

LPs.

Every time I seem to ask you for it, do you have this on CD?

You have it.

Well, I have it on my iTunes now.

What I can do is I just burn it on a CD or I put it on a USB drive and and I can bring it in for you.

I don't really have a lot of, I mean,

like the soundtracks and scores stuff I still have.

That I won't.

You'll ever get rid of them, right?

I would love if fucking Lars fucking heard that and sued him.

He was named in a lawsuit for.

Well, he didn't mention Metallica.

Yeah.

That's true.

I like Metallica.

The last thing that I think I asked you for and you had it,

it would have been probably,

I don't even remember.

It's been so long.

The cars, I think, was.

yeah, the cars, that's right.

Yep.

You had a cars double disc that you had.

Like Rick Ocasic cars?

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, it was a long time ago.

Did you get the new Metallica?

I did.

It's fucking great, isn't it?

You know how it got it?

I can't say that I think it's great.

I don't think it's as good as the last album.

Really?

I don't think it that much.

I didn't.

You know what?

I hardly listened to the last album until you told me, like, I started listening to it, and it's actually pretty good.

Very death magnetic?

Yeah.

So I listened to that, and this one I like a lot, too.

Do you?

I was surprised how much I liked it.

I'll be honest, I haven't really given it an honest listen.

I picked it up, and

oh, shit, I'll burn that from you then.

Yeah, sure.

Go ahead.

Ooh, Lars.

Did you hear that?

Yeah, I really do need to give it

a more honest listen.

I have only listened.

I hear some of the songs on the radio when I'm driving around, and I'm like, they don't connect with me as much as I thought they would.

They kind of sound

just not the same sound that I, or too similar to

another album.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Which would be.

What was the one?

They did load, reload.

Yeah.

That was.

Well, that's when the radio discovered them and they started.

They were like, hey, let's all get our hair cut at the same time.

Like, who the fuck does that?

What's that?

Cut their hair at the same time.

You've always brought that up.

That always bothered me.

It's weird, man.

It's just like,

why can't

you all get it?

Have you read anywhere that there was somebody who was like, we are cutting our hair, and anybody objected?

And they were like, you must do it?

Or like, I mean, I don't understand why you

have always fixated on it.

Because it was a decision as a band.

They're like, all right, on the roster, here's what we got going on.

This song,

fucking

Kirk, good fucking solo.

Oh, and we're all going to get haircuts at the same time.

I don't believe that ever happened.

But you thought it was

organic.

Do you think they all showed up?

They're like, holy shit, you got a haircut too?

All four of them?

No, but I'm saying, like, in between

the haircut and

getting the photo for the album, who's to say that one of them didn't get it like six months, a haircut before, and then another one got one two months later.

You don't know they all got haircuts on the same day at the same fucking barbershop.

I didn't say they went to the same barbershop.

But you're maintaining that it was like it was a conscious decision to go with haircuts.

Oh, I think so.

I don't think so.

I think so.

Just like a boy band, if they were like, hey, we're all going to wear the same outfit outfit for this fucking show,

it was like, let's all go get our haircut.

I think all they're all fucking like heavy metal, like, rock gods and shit.

And all of a sudden, they're all like, hey, let's get our haircut.

It seems weird.

Yeah, I didn't give up the time of day.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, well.

But back to the cars.

See, this is the car.

You're buying a car.

No.

Well, yeah, but this is not the car that I'm buying because I couldn't possibly.

Are you you buying another old car?

No, I'm not buying this sport.

That's probably like a $60,000, $70,000 car.

Oh, is it?

Okay.

So, yeah, I'm not buying this car.

But you were talking about cars that you would buy.

Oh, that's your dream car?

It wasn't when I was young.

I was talking about this the other day, actually.

In third grade, there was this guy named Gary Wise.

He lived down the street from me.

And he had

a firebird with that metallic flake paint.

that it was like it was like purpley and black and it had flames on the side.

Professionally done, not like some half-assed, like, you know, like teenager did it or whatever.

And I remember being in third grade and thinking, like, if I could ever own a car like that, like,

life couldn't get better.

Life could not get better than owning that car.

Maybe I'm right because I've never owned the car.

I have owned a Firebird, but it was a fucking baby blue piece of shit.

It's actually the same color as your Sunbird or whatever.

Yeah, very similar.

Yeah.

What year?

That would have been 84.

Yeah, that's a major bird, but the body style was different.

Yeah, a lot of, I like the new Corvettes.

Oh, they're beautiful.

They're really good looking.

How much are they so far?

50, 60?

Yeah.

Maybe even more.

I think the

whatever the hell that other higher models are, 70.

I mean, dude, you can't.

They're beautiful.

You can't just look at a car now that's

like halfway.

$30,000.

I'm fine.

About $30,000 is what you're looking at.

I'm like, that's fucking crazy.

But then you buy something used and it fucking immediately breaks.

Yeah, that's the thing, though.

That's why I will never buy a used car because I don't want to have to constantly worry if it's going to break.

No white paint on it.

I'll show you my.

Oh, fuck.

I didn't bring it.

It looks like the car was in a hell storm, like the most hellish hell storm ever.

Because I got so fucking pissed the other day and I took a rat.

Back to the car.

Yeah, I was just in a blind rage.

I have problems lately, man.

Yeah.

Just like,

yeah, I know.

I digest, I don't, like, in the moment, I don't, like, it doesn't.

I don't.

Have you ever like, have you ever been that you can't stop yourself?

Like, you can't stop yourself from doing something, even though in the moment you know you probably shouldn't do it

where it doesn't even occur to you that you probably

have a threshold.

Like a snap, right?

Well, it depends on what it is.

I mean, you can

eventually have to walk walk away from it eventually.

But, you know,

there's definitely a threat.

I mean, everybody's different.

I have a threshold when it comes to certain things.

I just walk away from things.

You seen Sunday Jeff come close to snapping at work ever?

Work?

No.

Not even with Giddam?

No.

He just turns in.

Does he just wear you out?

Yeah,

it's like mentally being talked to.

Whenever you say something, he refers to it's got to be either to the computer or it's just, he just brings stuff back.

It's like he wants to show you, you know, you remember that stupid cartoon where the dog's like, can I hang with your boss?

Can I hang with your boys?

He's like, just constantly bouncing around you.

It's like, he's such a good per, you know, like a good, kind-hearted person.

It's just that he just, well, no, I'm saying he means well.

I mean, I feel he means well.

Where's your proof?

I'm waiting to see some kind,

some kind, examples of kindness.

I think you're right.

I think he means well.

Yeah, I think he definitely means well.

But as far as I understand your sense of that,

it definitely goes out of way to help you if you wanted.

Oh, yeah.

Really?

Well, maybe me.

I mean, I didn't bring like 30 boxes of comics up and down the stairs either.

You know, a guy's right with a heart right on his ass when he took a break.

But he

has a thing for, like, he just can't tell you.

He's like, let me show you on a computer.

Let me find a user.

Maybe that's a way for him to explain it, I guess, to you.

You know, maybe it's easier easier for him to do that.

But it's just whatever you say, there's some kind of information that pops up in his brain, I guess, and he just automatically

repels you.

Yeah, exactly.

It's like if he doesn't tell you, it would bother him.

Just like scratch CDs bother me, you know, stuff like that.

You know what doesn't bother me?

Well, loot crate.

And why would it ever.

I know.

Why would Luke Crate ever bother you, man?

Talk about the crate I received last month.

Or should I say the fucking person who probably stole it off my doorstep since that was constantly happening.

I'll eventually name this place, but Christ Almighty, if you like people stealing your packages, if you like illegal daycare centers

running 24-7 all around you, if you like people doing unlicensed automotive repair in the driveway and pay fucking $2,400 a month all for the fucking

for the privilege, then this is the place for you.

You didn't have a ring set up?

No.

I took it in in the ring month after month.

We're fucking advertising all sorts out here, fucking.

No.

And I said to that was one of the things I said to the lady when, like, this was, I don't know, I can't remember if I talked about this or not, but this is in the summer where I had two motorcycles parked in the same spot and it became a whole fucking thing.

They're like, we're going to tow one of them and all this other shit.

So I go down to the fucking

to the office and I was like, what is the problem?

I was like, I don't get it.

And they're like, well, you're not allowed to have two vehicles in one spot.

And I I said, where does it say that anywhere?

I said, I'm taking up one spot.

And you have to pay.

You have to pay for these spots.

You live in a fucking apartment, a luxury apartment complex, and you have to pay for these spots.

It's just being so petty, though, because

if you could fit two motorcycles in the spot,

what difference would it make to anybody else in that building?

That's what I said.

You're not infringing on two motorcycles in the spot.

What difference does it make?

You're not infringing on anybody else's spot.

Because they want the money for the second motorcycle.

They want you to pay for the second motorcycle.

They want that fucking money, money, money, money.

It's a good thing.

He's bringing our stuff down.

He's showing we're cheap.

Now back to Luke, right?

Well, I said to the lady,

I said,

she goes, it's not fair.

I was like, how?

If you tell me how it's not fair, I said, I will move the motorcycle.

You know those little electric cars that they have?

They're red.

Oh, yeah, I hate them.

I want to push them over when I see them.

But if you were able to fit two in there, would you be mad, though, at somebody?

You know when people weren't mad at me?

When I used to, in the winter, when I wasn't using, when I only had one motorcycle, I'd park it at the very head of the spot, and then I would pull my car in.

So I was only, I'm allowed two spots, but I'm like, ah, it gets cold, really cold.

You know, the spots are always taken.

You know, sometimes people don't want to walk that far.

So I'm like, if I only take up one spot, then what's the big deal?

That, then it wasn't a problem.

But what, but when I have two bikes in one spot, and I said to the, I said to the lady, I was like, look, I like you.

I said, tell the property manager to call me about it because I'm going to talk to her in a way that I don't want to talk to you.

And she said, okay, then I never heard anything about it again.

Then they never said anything.

Right.

But yeah,

it's like you should see these cars.

You know, if you like the fucking random drug raid now and then, this is a spot for you.

If you like shitty appliances,

you know, like I'm telling you,

the dishwasher is fucking real loud.

The dryer, if you like to say you wash towels, you got to dry them three fucking times because the dryer sucks.

The washer doesn't have a fabric softener dispenser.

Like all the little fucking nitty, nitpicky fucking bullshit that they could get away with because they're cheap cunts.

They're corporate fucking pieces of shit.

That's all they care about is the fucking bottom line.

They're traded publicly.

You know?

See, this is what I mean.

All right, hold on.

Now you're back at

Rams, and

I'm sure you have to deal with it.

I'm sure I was saved just joking again.

So I can feel good.

Come here.

No, I don't have to deal.

No, I don't really have to deal with anything.

The littlest thing set me off.

Like, I went to Verizon today to try to return this Fios box and it's just some motherfucker shit.

It's like cable, like a cable box.

You can do that right to at any Verizon store.

Well, that's what I was told until I fucking got there.

And they're like, well, it's showing that your account isn't canceled.

And I was like, all right, well, can you do that?

No, they can't do that there.

You have to call.

So I call and I just keep getting the same shit, the same fucking

recording about paying.

And it's like, but I paid.

Like everything's paid.

I I just have to return the box.

And I'm ready, like, I can feel myself.

I'm ready.

You should be able to look it up and see if you paid.

I'm ready to throw the fucking box across the fucking showroom.

Like, it's a bag with the box and the fucking router in it.

This is why I went to the back.

And Suzanne just

grabbed my arm.

She's like, let's just go.

Let's just go.

Cause I'm like,

you motherfucker.

Yeah.

I did it.

I had to go back all the way back to the house.

And I was like, I just called.

And they're like, okay, well, you know, give them them a couple seconds, but

you can bring it back.

I'm like, a couple seconds, I was like, I'm 25 fucking minutes away.

Like, come on, man.

So, you can bring it back to a wireless store?

That's what they said.

Yeah.

Like the bigger Verizon store, whatever.

I don't know.

It's the minutiae of life.

Yes, that's what I was going to say.

See, it's the same thing that everybody's going through.

Right.

So you got to remind yourself.

I'm not special.

I'm not in the boat.

Right.

I'm in the big boat.

You are an angry.

I'm a fucking ant, motherfucker.

Oh, yeah.

Proudly.

Well, I don't know about that.

Angrily.

Yes, angrily.

Proudly.

No, I don't want somebody.

He's not proud.

He's the fire animal.

Oh, no, no.

I'm fucking proud to be

part of it.

If somebody was like, hey, I'll take care of that Fios thing for you.

No, no, no.

I'm too proud for you to dole these things out.

You want to be.

Oh, if he was like, oh, you're from fucking Colorpoke Men, let me hook you up.

Of course I would.

Why the fuck would I not?

Anybody would do that.

That's human nature.

Well,

if you want to maintain you're one of the people.

Well, I am.

Everyone can fucking rest assured that I'm getting no fucking special treatment anywhere.

Especially not from this colour.

That was the guy that was supposed to be at the con.

Holy fucking shit, man.

Anyway, Luke Crate, yeah.

I don't know.

They got.

Well, what came last time?

I forget.

Oh, I mean, you can get comics, you get hats, you get shirts, you get pops.

They had a really cool Assassin's Creed pop.

Oh, God, it's awesome.

Did you see the commercial for Assassin's Creed?

No.

You're not into that?

I don't even know what it is.

Honestly.

Really?

I don't even know what it is.

Dude, I don't want so much TV.

I don't know.

I mean, it's like a video game, but I mean, it's.

I don't play a video game.

I know, but I mean, I can't imagine that you haven't come across

the term.

You could be like him, trade in that stupid box.

Assassin's Creed go to women's prison.

I'd rather watch, man, than watching just some of the news, and that's it.

I watch all the, I guess, I could even watch the fucking bullshit news, man.

I just leave that.

Guess what?

Trump's an asshole.

Oh, really?

Yeah, we get it.

We get it, Golden Globes, fucking Hollywood cocksucking assholes, fucking patting yourselves on the back.

Okay, you're great.

You were great in that movie.

Now let's all hear what you have to say about politics because

your opinion is so important.

And thank God you now have this fucking platform that you can go and tell everyone what everyone fucking thinks anyway.

No shit.

Is there one person in there, since Scott Bell wasn't invited, that is going to be like, well, no, Trump.

It's like, fuck you.

We get it.

Trump sucks.

But what if you got that email, though, like, hey,

you've been nominated for reality TV.

Nominated for a sleepy star of the EV.

Nominated for a sleepy.

My fellow Americans.

Thanks for the sleepy.

Who are we up against?

What other reality shows?

Some of the big ones still.

I imagine the Kardashians are still big.

That's still on?

Yeah, I think so.

Okay, so we're up against the Kardashians.

There's what, four or five?

Oh, there's plenty of.

Oh, it's Kardashians.

Is the practical jokers considered reality?

I wouldn't think so.

I don't think so.

Maybe it could be.

But I don't think that they're like.

So you're looking at the day-to-day life, I think, of

like go back to Luke Crate.

Don't change.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just finish up the loot crate.

Okay, we'll finish Luke Crate and then I'll.

Luke Crate.

I mean, come on, man.

You know.

Why am I fucking telling you?

You know how awesome it is, right?

Do you get it, Sunday Jeff?

Luke Crate?

Oh, man.

Don't you have pets you want to geek out?

Do you want to geek out your pets, Wolf?

I mean.

You could try Loot Pets.

It's a box for like with pet items?

I guess so.

There's a bunch of shit you can get.

Epic gear, housewares, collectibles.

Special shoes for your dog so you can climb up the steps.

Loot wear.

If you're more of a fanatical fashionista.

Yeah,

you can get a loot crate fucking one of those back things the guys at Home Depot wear so you can carry a dog around.

Just got a picture of your dog.

If you want to get fancy, because loot crate's they're basically saying like loot crate's not that fancy, but if you you want to be really fancy, you know, get an even bigger box with Loot Crate DX.

DX.

Yeah.

Loot pets, if you want to geek out your pet.

I can't stand people that do that shit.

Isn't he cute?

Oh, I put a fucking costume on my cat.

Cat doesn't want to wear a costume.

The offer expires January 19th at 9 p.m.

Pacific.

January, you're going to like this, Walt.

Old school theme origins.

Loot Crate has awesome and exclusive items from your old school favorites.

Superman, Captain America, Mario, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and it includes a monthly t-shirt and pin.

Now, do you like the origins of the real origins?

Like Dark Knight Returns origin versus the very...

Batman, you mean?

Yeah.

Versus

the first Batman origin story, whatever.

Detective 27, was it?

Yeah, but for the most part.

Look at me go.

I'm a comic book man.

For the most part, the origins remain.

Six years rubbed off.

honestly.

I learned one thing.

I learned a couple of things.

Six years are being happy.

That's wrong with the webs, right?

I find that they remain true

in the spirit of the origin remains the same, but there's a couple of tweaks for modern age viewers.

They need to tweak it a little bit.

Mario, though, is considered Mario is listed with those names.

Historic Mario.

A lot of people like Mario.

Mario Kart, I know, is like...

We weren't really into video games.

Like, we were into arcade games.

So you go to arcade and play.

But home video, it kind of sucked.

So we didn't really play it that much.

But I guess

into the early 90s,

all that Mario shit.

It's a generation of people who fucking love it.

I knew a new Mario game just came out.

Oh, did it?

Not too long ago.

Like on the iPhone or something.

Yeah, it could be.

Wasn't he in Donkey Kong originally?

Yeah.

Mario?

Yeah.

Yes, he was.

What you said to Jeff?

You go.

I know.

Do you have a favorite?

You don't like video games, huh?

I mean, back in the 80s, I played video games.

I mean, it's like

the stuff they got today, though, is just like you can watch the NFL stuff.

You just put it on demo.

It's like watching a regular game.

You don't even have to play it anymore.

It's just like, just watch the demo.

It's so crazy just so many games they got.

I've been playing this game on Xbox One, Call of Duty, but Zombies.

I think I told told you about this, right?

I don't really play with other people that much.

I play by myself because I'm trying to get these challenges and shit.

This is my life.

These are the challenges I present to myself.

Well, yeah, you got to start.

You start with virtual challenges and then work into the real world.

Work myself into the real world.

Yeah, like maybe when I'm like 59 or 60,

give me another 10 years.

Let me go into virtual world, kill virtual people, and then go out into the real world.

Yeah, steal my craft.

Where's that motherfucker?

It is weird because you always talk about, I was thinking about this today, people are like, oh, you're killing zombies, killing zombies, but zombies are already dead, so you're not killing them, right?

What are you doing?

I guess you would be re-killing them.

That would be the proper way to describe it.

He's like, we got to shut them down.

People are going to start questioning the Walking Dead.

Also,

this is a non-paid announcement, but there's

this app called Shudder.

Have you heard of this?

He hasn't fucking heard of Assassin's Creed.

Now he knows apps.

Yeah.

Some apps I know.

What apps?

Mozzarella sticks, pot stickers.

That's all.

What apps are Pandora?

YouTube is an app?

Of course it's an app.

That's a website.

Is it a website?

There it is, WAP.

WAP.

Yeah, WAP.

It's a new thing.

No, an app is more like, say, like

MapQuest or

any number of things that aren't YouTube.

Isn't that just a shortcut to a website?

Hey, it came with the phone.

It's still, it's on the home.

It's on your app.

You know, I guess technically you're right.

Pandora, but that's also a regular way.

You can use that from a computer, too.

You don't have to, you know.

But anyway, there's these chats.

It is so hard, and it fucking drives me crazy that I can't do it because I know there's some fucking seven-year-old out there who's like,

and then I watch tutorials on this app called YouTube, and

the number of zombies chasing these people, and they're like, okay, and you do this, and you do this, and they're all calm.

They're all like, it's like their fucking heart rate is at like 70.

Meanwhile, I'm like ready to fucking whip a fucking whole entire system through a TV screen.

Because I'm like, God damn it, I almost had it.

And it's meaningless.

It's fucking meaningless.

Yeah.

It's just repetition, though, until you figure out the right, but the proper

sequence of buttons to press or to figure it out.

But it's also a good way to,

I don't think about anything else when I'm doing that.

I think about nothing else.

Then you should be playing that game, Morden.

Right.

I mean, as if I don't play it enough already.

All right.

Loot crate.

So go to lootcrate.com/slash TESD.

Enter that code T-E-S-D to save 10% off any new subscription.

Come on.

You know you like this shit.

It's not that much.

And

it's a bunch of fucking

stuff.

Loot crate stuff and value

I don't know if we're supposed to talk about this, but loot crates do go up in value.

If you keep your loot crate intact, keep the box,

you don't take any,

you could resell that loot crate for far more than you paid for it.

It's an investment.

Sometimes.

An investment.

I will say I have flipped a loot crate box or two in my time and have been very happy with the results.

I'm sure you're really.

Yeah.

Which one?

I get loot crates all the time.

I just like Sage takes them apart.

Yeah, Yeah, there was a Groot pop that came in there that you can only get in the Loot Crate one.

I got that.

I think I gave it to you.

I gave it to me, so I flipped that shit.

Damn!

That was a present.

Did you see my new car?

Flipped Groot.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, boy.

Yeah, so what car do I get?

I'm thinking about getting a Jeep someday, Jeff.

But just listening to Q what he said about his Jeep.

What?

He doesn't like it?

He loved it.

No, he had a lot of problems with it, didn't he?

He had a problem with the windshield.

They had a lot of problems with this car, didn't he?

Why a Jeep?

I'll tell you why, because everything looks like a fucking station wagon.

What's wrong with a station wagon?

I mean, nothing, but it's just, it's not me.

Your age, you are at the age that you could drive a station wagon and nobody will bat an eye.

Oh, yeah, I know.

Remember I used to have that giant station wagon my grandma?

Simulated wood panels?

Yeah, I used to have a station wagon.

When I first turned 18, my grandmother gave me her car.

It was huge.

It was like as long as a Burrow bus.

And it did.

It was yellow, and it had that wood grain on the top.

It was missing the surfboards on the top.

But it had a fucking eight-cylinder engine, so it was real fast and shit.

Check this shit out.

We could haul all kinds of stuff.

I could smoke them.

But a Jeep, like a Jeep, like a Jeep Wrangler with the four doors.

The Jeep Wrangler's all right.

He's got regular Jeeps.

The four doors.

Cherokee.

Rather than the two.

Liberty.

Yeah, there's, I mean, there's all kinds of little ones,

Patriot and Compass and all these other ones.

I had a Jeep once that I liked.

But, you know, you can throw shit in it, you know, put a kid's mic in it and stuff.

That's what I mean.

How much could a Jeep

almost $40,000 the Wrangler one was?

It was crazy.

The special edition Wrangler was like, I looked at him.

I was like, are you crazy?

What are you doing?

Akea?

I mean, I'm not against.

Akea.

What does Mike have?

Because

when Mike told me how much his fucking car cost, I was like, holy shit.

I never seen him.

I was like, you got ripped off.

I never seen him drive a Jeep.

No, he doesn't.

He doesn't.

He drives not a Kia.

What's the other one?

What's the other?

Not Kia, but Hyundai.

Oh, Hyundai?

Santa Fe?

Yeah, I think he has a pretty nice car, actually.

I think, anyway.

Kia's, I think, like, early on, people were like, Akarine, piece of shit.

But not anymore, man.

No, now they.

Hyundai makes a good product now.

I don't like this, the Kia Soul.

It looks like that.

I don't like that boxy shitty.

Oh, that's the one with the chipmunks do the fucking commercial in there?

Oh, no, do they?

Hey, I heard Jason Lee doing an IHOP commercial the other day.

Radio?

No, TV.

Oh, TV?

Yeah, he was doing it on TV.

And I was like, I wonder how do you do that?

How do you get a TV commercial?

Because I think Lee has a good voice, but is it so great that somebody's like, we need him as the voice for IHOP?

I'm glad he got it because he's like a super nice guy, and anything good that comes to that dude, I'm glad because he's a fucking great dude.

Maybe he just went and he told his agent to get maybe into the voiceover game?

Yeah, he does.

He was one of the guys in Incredibles.

Right.

Well, that's how he got it.

Yeah.

He played

the villain.

Yeah, but it's not like he appeared in the iHog commercial.

He's basically just like, come on in for free links and blah, blah, blah.

But if you, and you realize how lucrative and how easy voiceover work is,

you tell your agent, you're like, hey,

put my name out there.

I want to get my name out there.

I want voiceover work.

I watched Sunday Jeff do some voiceover for Claymission.

Didn't look that easy.

Well, matching it up with that sound, keeping that time, you know, that's it's like.

It's not easy, right?

Even if it's just like a fraction of a second off.

But I'm saying they wanted it so close to the word.

I mean, the way that the lips were moving.

Speaking of claymation

lines, Sal did his.

Did you hear them?

I didn't hear him.

He never said that to me.

So fucking good.

He's a funny motherfucker, man.

He had so many great reads.

Like, so many great reads.

And I'm like, I told Pepper, I was like, you choose it because I like so many of them.

He didn't ad lib, did he?

Huh?

Did he ad lib?

I don't think so.

No, yeah.

He had to follow it pretty exactly.

He had to follow the lines, yeah.

But even if he had, like,

I wouldn't have been.

I was like, you're a monkey of comedy.

How can I tell you no?

That sounds insulting.

We'll change the animation.

Out of context, that doesn't sound very flattering.

Get out of my house.

A monkey of comedy.

Yeah,

I'm looking around.

I'm just like, I don't know.

Like, I don't, I don't, I don't.

Yeah, nobody's going to be like, whoa, what's that fucking guy doing in a station wagon?

He looks too cool.

But you shouldn't feel, though, that anybody's going to look down on you if you walk out of a station wagon.

I don't.

I don't.

I just don't like that.

Trust me.

At this point, I walk out of anything.

No one's going to be like, oh, my God, what happened to Brian Johnson?

He's in a station wagon.

Yeah, remember when he used to fucking think he was going to get a car just like Gary Weiss?

And now look at him.

He's driving around station wagons like a little bitch.

He's a soccer mom.

When did you give up the dream that you were never going to get your Quintas?

I mean, I should have.

When I saw it, and he had the dream.

When I saw it,

when did you say you're like, wow, I'm never going to get that car?

As soon as I saw it.

Really?

Dude, you knew it's like ridiculous amounts of money.

But you know what?

It's like I said,

after being doing that for so long, cars do.

You see what I drive?

Cars are the mean of traffic.

What moves your needle?

Is it still toys?

Nah.

It's not even toys anymore.

That really makes me

concerned.

I don't care about anything either.

Yeah, I mean, it's just like, maybe that's just the fact of just getting like maybe older and wiser.

You just, you start to, you know, just like, you know, you look at it's like, what the hell did I collect this shit?

You're the same way, too, though.

I wish I had my fucking outlook.

It's like because I'm fucking fatter and stupider and older, and I'm going to die soon.

But you were.

Well, you could say you could be like less hungry.

But I wanted

a store dreamed of having a customer like you, rabid,

willing to speak.

You did get that.

Right.

That's what I'm saying.

That's what every store wants.

And now you're here to tell me, though, that it was all

just a.

Listen,

that was like the hype then.

And that's, you know, there was.

Don't believe the hype.

Well, no, you can believe the hype.

Trust me.

I believe the hype.

Trust me.

I spent it to the hype.

He's speaking truth to power right now.

Yeah, testify.

There was a.

Back then, why, though?

Why did it, why, what happened?

Rekindled a lot of stuff that you weren't able to get?

Remember, there was a long period of time where she, you know, here's, I'll tell you why.

Whatever.

What's the price on that?

$485,000.

That's a Q car there.

That's what he pays in taxes.

I remember.

He wants a muscle car.

He told me he wants a Chevy Nova muscle car.

That's obtainable.

I mean, there ain't no $485,000.

It's obtainable.

It's definitely obtainable for him.

But I remember

years ago,

Thursday nights, I would just get that call and be like,

I scored.

And it was like as if you hit the blackjack tournament.

And the lottery.

And I'd be like,

I go, he miserst no Meister figures, box sets.

I got them all.

He's like my agent.

He's just like this.

Like, he called me at 9 o'clock at night on a Thursday.

My wife was like, why did he keep calling?

He's got the toys.

She Meiser box.

Comes down.

He's got, it looks like a jack-in-the-box pumping out of there.

But I will maintain that

I wish we can go back to that era.

There was true excitement.

There was true

joy.

I don't feel that now.

I don't feel that now.

I walk into a store, and

I don't see it.

You're going through it too.

I mean, you lost.

What made you lose that feeling?

It's just that it's just

the passion?

You know what it is?

It's like you walk into a room.

It's like, I can't even move in this fucking house.

There's so much shit.

I didn't think what happened to you, though.

You were the guy I was like, he'll die at the same level of.

I'm just a guy buried in a bunch of toys.

That's what happened.

Well, the torch fell on me and I just died in a kill.

I would have thought that you'd be the guy that would not lose their mojo.

Yeah, it's just, I mean, it's, I don't know.

After.

You had toy mojo, bro.

Oh, yeah.

You thought for sure you were going to end up on hoarders.

Look at you now.

I thought you were like, you were going to go out like in a blaze of glory, not like in a fucking, just like give it all up.

You fizzled like a wet fire cracker.

Well, I didn't give it.

Listen, I didn't give it all up.

I mean, I gave it

a lot.

a very, very good job.

Now you're just in the

statues and shit.

Now you're in denial, man.

You're in the statues.

Statues are pretty fucking cool.

I don't get that many statues.

Busts and statues.

Busts are a lot cheaper than statues.

Something you don't have to hunt for.

Correct.

You don't want to hunt for it no more.

You took the easy way.

He's a gatherer now.

He ain't a hunter no more.

Wasn't it just a young man's game?

Hunt the money.

No, no, no, no.

There are fucking young bucks out there.

Let's fuck off old man.

get out of his station wagon by the time the sun.

Tell Brian, how many.

I'm a robot whole fuck champ.

How many years would you say you spent your lunch hours?

Oh, my God, every day.

How many years?

Yeah, I usually don't.

Like a Somalia.

You never ate lunch.

He's always had a hungry choice.

People start asking me.

It's like,

start giving him directions.

That guy works here.

He's here every day.

Yeah.

I missed that Aaron.

You had your life.

I tried to get you out there, too.

I tried to actually get hired there.

That's how much you loved it.

You'd be like, hey, why is this box retaped?

Well, the chase figures are out of it.

And now, like, if that opportunity came up to work at Twitter,

you'd probably say no.

You know, actually, I mean, if it was something I was aware of anymore, I would definitely get it.

But action figures, you could care less what action figures come.

Just a game.

It's all plastic.

But you see

how much figures are now compared to they were when we were starting to go around.

You can talk about early 90s.

You see how much $20, $20 something dollars for a freaking action figure.

Now it's nuts.

Did you pick up one of those sweet Ming statues?

Yeah, I saw that.

You know what, though?

I think.

It looks like a Clash of the Titans piece where he just flips them over.

But

that's where we

became friends.

I mean, that's why I feel like I missed that era because we don't even care about it no more.

We didn't even know it.

But those were one of those, we would look back on those days as like those were the best days of our collecting lives.

Those were the days, my friend.

But we didn't even

We didn't even realize it, though.

We didn't realize.

Granted?

Yeah.

It'll always be like this.

Yeah.

We'll always look for toys like this.

Always have Toys R Us.

And then we didn't think it would ever end.

How many places close this then?

Babbage's, EB Electronics, KB.

These places aren't around anymore either.

I know, but you can't blame the places.

I don't know if you guys think that around the monitor hunt on Amazon.

Those guys are stupid.

That's why I don't see any young bucks anymore.

It's like, them guys are idiots.

Look at them.

We just didn't realize.

And we can't even remember that last Thursday you went out.

You can't remember that last Thursday that became the last Thursday you did it.

Not knowing it would be the last Thursday.

Yeah, I think about that a lot.

I do my victory lapping.

Not his Thursday.

But I think back when my kids did last Thursday.

I saw a tough story.

Right.

I don't remember the last day.

I did my victory laper on Sun Coast a couple of times.

I don't remember.

They must have been like he died, right?

Yes.

They're like, that dude with that guy.

Yeah, what happened to that dude with the white hat?

Remember?

He must have died.

It got whiter.

But I don't remember the last time I took the kids to Sesame Place.

And we went like all the time.

I don't remember the last time we did certain things, and I'm like, I should have remembered that.

Are you aware of that?

I should have remembered that.

I remember something.

I don't remember that.

Are you afraid?

But we did it so often.

It's like, I don't remember the last time.

Yeah, I can imagine the hunting bleeding into each other a little.

But the amount of times you went to Sesame Place, you know,

I remember, sure, I have memories of those times, but I don't remember the last time I went walking out being like, we won't be here anymore.

And the kids said, I don't want to go to this place no more.

You know, I don't remember it, and I didn't acknowledge it, and it bothers me.

Are you a big picture taker when you do stuff?

I picture my heads.

I like more.

I don't like to look at the pictures.

They make me sad.

You were sending me pictures of Caitlin when she was little, and I told you to stop sending it in the kids.

You know what?

I didn't even think anything of of it until I started going through pictures of like when I was young, like with my grandmother.

And I'm like, this is like

the saddest fucking thing ever.

Like I had a smile on my face.

Yeah.

Yeah.

These were like, these were good days.

These were great days.

These were days that I looked forward to like, because she would, she used to go golfing in the Bahamas all the time.

She was a big golfer and she liked to go golfing in the Bahamas, or Bermuda, rather, I'm sorry.

And

she always promised me, she's like, someday when you get a little older, she's like, I'm going to teach you how to golf.

And like, she had a little putter set up for me, like, you know, it was automatic, like, you put it into the thing.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

And she was like, and someday I'll take you to Bermuda and we'll golf together and all this shit.

And then, of course, you know, she died of cancer from cigarette smoking.

Dude,

every picture of her.

Smoking.

Drink in one hand, cigarette in the other.

Fucking crazy.

I also found out my other grandma, on my father's side, I thought that

he was,

you know what my grandmother's house looks like.

It has

down Barbary.

It has a very big like crawl space.

It's a crawl space, but you could sort of like, you can't stand up.

You'd have to bend over a little bit, but it's kind of big.

And my grandfather was missing for three days, and they thought he just took off because he would go on benders because he was a drunken shit.

He passed out.

and was sleeping under that house for and it has a dirt basement floor cobwebs everywhere.

When I was a kid, I was scared shitless of going under there because it was

immediately like the temperature dropped, almost like you went into a cave.

No one's sleeping for three days.

That dude was in a coma then.

He was passed out.

Probably

almost dead.

Yeah.

Like he probably, yeah, he probably brought a couple bottles down and he's like, fuck.

One time when I just found out too, when my father was, Edgar was young, my grandmother had to go somewhere, so she put my grandfather in charge of him, and he was going around to the bars, and he would leave Edgar in the, I mean, he's real little, in the stroller outside the bar.

He'd go and drink a little while, go down to the next bar, drink a little while.

My grandmother drives by, sees my father sitting in the stroller outside a bar, picks him up, doesn't say anything to my grandfather.

My grandfather's all fucked up.

It's like, shit, what am I going to do?

Goes back to all these bars.

Like, did I leave my kid here?

Is it any wonder then that you're dealing with it?

It's such an insight.

Yeah, it is.

It's such an insight.

And then that carrying over to the next generation, fucking them up.

I'm so glad.

I'm never going to have any kids, man.

You know, except for the stage, of course.

Well,

none of your brothers have any kids yet.

My brother, Eric, got married.

Is he planning on it?

No, he has a stepson, though.

Yes.

That kid's like.

But I mean,

so the Johnson seed could end.

End.

If you guys don't.

It will probably end, yeah.

Oh, you don't think Darren is going to

be a good one.

give him a hooker pregnant?

I'm just kidding.

It just seemed like the thing to say:

give him the Casper Matt.

I mean, let's not, I mean, let's not

so the line.

The bloodline could be dropped.

You guys are getting older.

Right.

If you're not going to have these kids, you got to do it now.

But look at what's his name from the Stones.

Oh, my God.

You guys aren't Mick Jagger fucking in terms of.

The point are like 15 grand a month.

It's just like nothing to that guy.

Yeah, you can't use that as a barometer because that's not real.

I can't measure myself against Mick Jagger.

Because he can have a nanny.

He can have.

Muse has a nanny.

You should see the life Muse is leading.

Dude, it's insane.

He has a nanny?

I'm convinced his wife is a fucking super genius or a super criminal.

Because they're driving around in Teslas.

They got a home in LA.

She's got a nanny.

I don't know, man.

It's all clerk's money.

I think it's fucking clerk's money, man.

No, you know what it is?

It's his wife.

It's like your wife.

She invested it.

Very smart.

Very careful.

Doesn't let him go near the fucking money.

No, no,

that's probably the first rule in keeping your money.

She let him go near it once and fucking regretted it.

Well, I mean, he has a...

lot of stuff.

He loves fucking.

I mean, you know what?

I hate to say it, but it just dawned on me.

I thought you would be the guy that would never give up the ghost with toys,

but the guy who really would not will never give it up is Muse.

He still collects toys, huh?

He still loves it with the passion that you once had.

Really?

I thought he'd do

the vapor cigarette shit he was doing?

He was trying to do?

That Muse juice or whatever?

Yeah, that's not being marketed as a toy, though.

No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, you're saying that's what I'm saying.

As far as

I know, I think they got their fingers in a lot of pies.

Yeah.

So, but I'm just saying, though, it just hit me, though.

I thought there was nobody from our crew that still had the passion.

I was wrong.

It's probably Muse still got it, right?

Yeah, Muse out Muse.

Yeah, no more toys.

You got out Muse, motherfucker.

Do you collect the high-end statues?

No, no, no.

No more.

I used to.

It's just no more.

Do you still collect books, high-end coffee table books?

Yeah, but Elvira's books.

You got the Elvira books, right?

Yeah, then this clown comes up and brings up three books that he had downstairs.

One that you're signed, and he had one that

your Elvira book is downstairs.

I wasn't even aware of it.

So I could have just got one right here.

Why?

Why?

Whose are you going to take?

Mine?

I didn't take any of them.

I bought the one that I got in the store.

You got ours from Elvira.

I would love one to sign by our friends.

We're close to the front.

Do you really want one signed by Elvira?

You can have mine.

But it's signed to me, though.

Right.

That's what I said.

I said, said, take it.

But he brings the books upstairs.

I was like, I don't want these books.

It's signed to Brian.

It's signed to Kevin.

That's right.

I forgot that.

You were saying Elvira was iconic and you were shitting all over it.

Oh, yeah.

And when we did a podcast once, and I said that.

Yeah.

I'm glad she didn't hear that.

I'm glad she doesn't listen to Tom Steve Dean.

I hope

nobody ats her at her Twitter and says that I said that.

I just said that for comedic purposes.

I think she's.

Elvira gets it.

Elvira gets comedy.

She fucking gets it.

Would you have liked to have met her?

I would have minded minded seeing her.

You should have come down.

Did you tell him?

She looked fucking amazing.

She looked ageless, like a real vampire.

I asked her.

I don't know if it made it to the air, but do you know what kind of monster she is?

Because it's hard to tell.

Is she a vampire or is she a zombie?

I think she's more vampire-ish than anything else.

She was out in the daytime.

She cannot be a vampire.

How the fuck do you have to her fucking coffee table book and you don't know this answer?

Well, she covers it extensively.

What else would she be?

Huh?

She's a zombie.

She's not a zombie either.

She's mistress of the dark.

Yeah, she's like a ghost.

She's kind of like a succubus.

Like a ghoul?

Succubus.

I was going to say it that right.

You said it right the first time.

So you corrected yourself to the wrong way.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Letting close to the edge,

you see it slip away.

I'm not trying to warn you,

cause you're the company.

I've got a hero at the bottom,

but it's destiny to explain.

I see a hero get old,

but it's never died.

More than I've once was,

morning money signs.

Got this on my tax best,

make another

rise.

With the night, when we're out of the music,

with my size,

show the world.

Don't worry, never met a lesson.

Don't we try,

touch, drive,

never satisfy.

Never satisfied.

We take time to get wisdom,

takes time to kiss.

The time that we followed is never going through.

This time the shaking makes this world hard to understand.

We're terrified,

when we are doing the losing fly

with one tried, someone's a joy.

Stone and watching in the middle, it's not anymore.

But we try,

just

try.

Never satisfy.

Never satisfied.

This is night,

when we are under moonstar.

Look what's our eyes, tell them what's the curse.

Stop and must have been the middle.

Let's not get the mask.

When we try,

try, try, try.

Never satisfy.

Never

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