#318: Q'z Brewz

I think you can easily start to alienate

ants.

Oh, fuck them.

Best move I ever made was being fake.

Yeah.

He has a yeast infection he's been living off of for three years.

Tell him Steve Dave.

Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave.

And boy, do we have some business to discuss, Walt.

The business of clay.

Oh, that's right.

Finally.

There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

Yep.

Currently, Sal Volcano is holding us up.

I'm going to put it out there.

Is he the last piece?

He's the last piece of the puzzle.

As soon as we got Sal's lines, it can be

inserted.

Yeah, by the end of January,

people who ordered it who preferred a digital copy,

yeah, before February 1st, it's looking like you're going to have it.

But I need before.

Less than two years late.

That's pretty sweet.

If you were a voice backer,

this is the last call.

Could you please send an email to TESDVoice

actors at gmail.com.

If we don't hear from you, we won't be able to put your voice in

the movie.

You think those people maybe a year ago were like, fuck those guys?

Oh, I think a lot of people were like, fuck those guys.

I mean, and understandably so.

I mean,

balls were dropped.

Are balls dropped on this project?

We learned a lot.

But, I mean,

it'll be nice to put it to rest and

finally have it, you know, not be

like

a burden a cancer

a malignant fucking incarcina

it would be nice to be out from underneath it and

and fulfill all the patient people who

who waited this long and were super patient I can't I can't say enough about the people who were

who stuck around not like the assholes who were like fuck those guys right well yeah I mean I mean

assholes would be

that wouldn't be the word I'd choose.

But but you know, I mean, I mean, hey, man, is it like I'm sure a lot of those people thought I would never see the light of day, but it's it's it's so close.

I could taste it.

I know what I know what clay tastes like.

It very much is similar to shit.

Texture.

So we saw we're on claymation two immediately?

Huh?

Claymation two.

We saw we're going to clay Mation immediately.

I don't ever want to see it.

When I see Plato, I'm going to have to go to a safe space.

I don't ever want to hear the word clay or see anything that looks like clay.

Hard or soft.

Yeah.

Like a pottery, even fucking sends me into a fucking wheel.

A pottery wheel.

Yeah, it would trigger you.

Into an anxiety spell.

Shit, dude.

So that's the latest on Claymation.

People ask.

And this is it.

This will probably be the final update until

it gets to you.

It gets into your CESD voice actors at gmail.com.

If there's anybody still out there who

some OG supporters.

The people who are like, I want to get in on this.

I want to support these guys.

And then, see you later, get them.

And that's their fucking thank you.

Or the assholes.

Mostly UQ, but

we fucking want to refund everybody's money a year ago.

That's true.

That was a fucking moment of like, oh my God,

like what this entails.

Right, because

you couldn't refund it through

credit cards.

No.

It wouldn't have been fun, but

Giddam would be writing checks late into the night.

He's got to do something around here.

Yeah.

Yeah, I wish he stayed, man.

I wanted to grill him.

You wanted to grill him?

Yeah.

Did you ask him to stay?

No.

What did you you want to grill him about?

His work ethic.

I hear it's

things are not its strongest story.

I don't know.

Things are very funny.

It's finally cool enough for me to sit through without turning on the air.

Yeah.

I don't know if it would be fun to listen to.

Walt doesn't seem happy.

Ginim doesn't seem happy.

No,

I'm not happy.

I feel

it's probably just the post-Christmas blues.

Yeah.

It's probably a lot plays a lot factor into it.

But

it just, I rarely feel like

I want to murder people

or see

faces crushed underneath my foot.

But sometimes

every couple, once

during the year, a couple of times during the year, I feel that way.

You want to put Giddam's face under your heel?

No, you know what?

Like to?

No.

It's not fair.

Name names.

It's not fair to say just get him.

That wouldn't be fair.

It's everybody.

You know, I was thinking earlier today, for $100,000, would you let Alicia do a trust fall with me?

I don't know what that is.

It's like somebody stands,

you know, with their,

they're both facing the same way, and I would fall back, and I have to trust her to catch me.

Or she couldn't catch you.

No.

One of you would be severely injured, if not both of you.

$100,000?

Yeah.

I mean, you know.

Tax-free?

Yeah, that's a lot.

Yeah, but even what's her quality of life after that, you know, after that?

I probably like slightly worse than mine right now.

Yeah, she's got a lot of years, though.

Like saying I don't?

I'm a young man.

How was your Christmas?

Was it good?

Why do you have the post-Christmas blues?

Because it's over?

Yeah.

Holy shit.

I fucking hate the time leading up to it, during it, after it.

The only time I start to be like, okay, this isn't so bad is like post New Year's Eve, like New Year's Day.

I fucking hate from like in the 20s until right after New Year's.

I can't stand it.

Yeah.

You just want it to be Christmas again?

I had a good Christmas.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's, I wouldn't mind like on a, on a, like a couple week loop of Christmas.

That would be all right with me.

Like every six weeks.

No, no.

Just if Christmas lasted two weeks instead of one day,

I'd be okay with that.

I guess that's Anuka, right?

Yeah, why don't you turn and go Jewish?

Like Sunday Jeff.

He seems to be happy.

He's always energetic and spirited.

I've heard you can do both.

I wouldn't mind doing that.

Really?

That's a fucking sellout.

You can't do both.

Well, it's not like

I'm that much of a Christian, though, that I'm that

Catholic.

You could be Christian and Jewish at the same time.

I think I could.

If anybody could, I could.

Yeah, I agree with that.

If anyone could do it

and would do it in order to celebrate.

How many days in Hanukkah?

Eight?

Eight.

Yeah, and then you go, so you get Christmas, that's nine.

That's pretty close to two weeks.

Just go home and tell the girls.

Like, Alicia, you're going to do a trust fall with a fuck a 400-pound fuck up.

And we're Jewish now, too.

Put these hats on.

Girls wear yamkas?

No, don't they wear like a like a scarf or something?

Well,

you got to wear a wig.

You're not allowed to show your hair.

Religion is fucking so weird, right?

Now there's nothing against Jewish people, but like the harder core who believe like, well, God doesn't want me to show my hair

out of humility, I guess.

Yeah.

So, you know, it's wear this scarf or hat or pop this wig on.

Put on this fake hair over your real hair that God, I would think, created.

Yeah.

It's a weird thing, right?

I could get Simmy back in here and grow him a little bit more.

He'll be in here in three weeks.

We can put him on three, four weeks.

Yeah.

I'm going to add that to my list of

Inquisitions with Simmy.

Yeah.

This trial is going to be like four hours long.

Like, what's with the wigs?

Simmy?

He'll have an answer.

All right.

Carrie Fisher died.

Were you moved by that, Walt?

I was, I guess, shocked would be the proper word.

Shocked somebody, someone

you consider ageless.

Really?

When's the last time you saw her?

Force Awakens.

Okay.

Yeah.

That's why you consider ageless because they did a CGI fake Carrie Fisher.

No, that was her.

Shut the fuck up.

You're talking about Rogue One.

Oh, wait, I'm talking about Rogue One.

Force Awakens.

Yeah.

She looked like Princess Leia back when she was 19, you think?

It still looked like her to me.

You know, she still looked like Carrie Fisher.

I mean, I just think that you, I don't know, I think that's the most common reaction is shock.

Were you shocked, Q?

I was saddened when I heard about the, like they said, 10 minutes she was getting CPR on the plane.

That's kind of like I was like, that's not good.

Even if she survives, it's not going to be great.

Ten minutes is too long.

Just without a steady air supply, like that.

That's

not recommended.

Can't they have air like put them in?

Yeah, because you're not breathing it in.

They're saying, like, they were just doing the chest compressions.

To tell you the truth, I was more shocked by Debbie Reynolds than Terry Fairy.

That made perfect sense to me.

Really?

Yeah.

You can't get a stroke from

stress, can you?

Stress.

Yeah.

Right, I thought it was just like a blood clot or something, a stroke.

It was like a.

All brought on by the tremendous grief and stress brought on by, you know,

it was a bummer.

You were bummed?

I was bummed.

I was more bummed when I read that Steve Martin deleted his tweet.

Yeah, that was.

Under pressure.

Wait, what did he say?

I didn't hear about this.

He said...

I'll read it exactly.

This is Steve Martin, the actor?

Yeah.

The jerk.

The comedian.

He got

criticism.

He said something from guys like fucking Ghost Pussy.

He knew her personally and put what I thought was like a sweet, nice tweet, but

the rest of the world.

You forget we live in not the rest of the world, but we live in 2016.

Not for long.

Yeah, you're right.

It's probably going to get worse.

Well, President Trump may fix this stuff, Walt.

Yeah.

I know it's on his agenda.

But that and getting the hackers.

Backlash, Walt.

Backlash against Steve Martin.

American Treasurer, Steve Martin.

What did he say?

Used to be American Treasurer.

Not anymore?

I don't know.

And

you need to have some stuff.

He writes books.

He plays a banjo, man.

He's been out of the public eye for a while.

I don't know.

He's on tour right now with

Martin Lawrence.

I think you're out of the loop because there's a lot of people that I'm like, man, these fucking guys don't do anything anymore.

And then I look them up, and it's like they've done a thousand times.

Like Diedrich Bader.

I'm like, when's the fucking last time I saw Dietrich Bader?

He's fucking out there, man.

He's doing tons of shit.

So

when I was a young man, Carrie Fisher was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen.

She turned out to be witty and bright as well.

That's what Steve Martin wrote.

There's more than that, right?

No, that's it.

That's it.

That's it.

That's it.

And there was a backlash against that.

Say it again.

When I was a young man, Carrie Fisher was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen.

She turned out to be witty and bright as well.

Now,

wow, I'm not.

how can I guess?

You already know why the backlight.

I can't figure out why there'd be bashlight because he said young man, because he doesn't think of it now.

And or

he's like, or is it because, and she also turned out to be witty?

As if

some called him out for focusing on her physical appearance, a topic Fisher spoke out against throughout her career.

Others noticed that she wanted to be remembered for more than for

sorry.

Others noted that Fisher likely wanted to be remembered for more than just just being pretty, which he fucking mentioned.

After the tribute had been deleted?

You know,

I don't mean to say anything bad about somebody because I don't want to hear it, but

it's a lot easier to say that when you've been considered beautiful, though.

Oh, to be like, I don't want you to focus on my physical appearance.

Yeah, there's a lot of people who would like to

focus on my physical appearance.

I would love that.

Right?

Yeah, look, yeah, right.

Like, oh.

Look at him, monster.

Beast.

I mean, it's I understand

your heart's in a good place, but

when you've been, when you've been,

you've had the adoration of millions,

pr not not just because of your acting ability, but because of

the way you look.

Appearance unfortunately means a lot.

Right.

A lot of people a lot of when you go to a con,

a lot of slave layers.

It used to be anyway.

Not so much anymore.

Now it's all Phil.

Now it's all Harley Quinn.

It's going to play up right now, right?

I mean, that's going to be like, it's going to go through the roof now, right?

Well, Disney has a ban.

You're not allowed to display.

They don't sell slave labor merchandise anymore.

And you're not allowed to, in the comic books, or anything.

Unwritten rule?

No, no.

You're not even allowed to draw Leia as sexy in the comics.

Impossible.

But at a con, they can't stop you from.

No, they can't.

But you know how comics used to be fun and life used to be fun.

Oh, boy, do I.

That sounds like Steve Martin's tweet there was when I was a student.

Well, you see, when I was a young man, I was like...

Well,

I think what he was saying was like

back in the 70s, when I was like 20, I was like, oh, my God, this girl is beautiful.

Not really, you know, because when guys are young,

maybe they're not as fucking woke as everyone is today.

But what is that?

Maybe they're not as evolved as everyone is supposed supposed to notice when a woman's beautiful?

Do not notice it, Quinn.

And certainly do not comment on it.

Do not tweet about it.

But why?

Because she was a friend of his.

What are some of the things that people were upset about?

Is there any...

What I had read was his use of the word creature was demeaning to women.

But that's a word that's been used to.

Is it demeaning to me?

People call me, oh, creature.

A divine creature?

I mean, it is an anti-an exquisite creature.

I mean, it's a real ditpicky thing.

But it's a word.

That's a phrase or a way that you would describe somebody from

along, you know, from a different era would use the, I would think, would use that.

He is from a different era.

The guy's like, fucking, what, 70?

The fact that people, this is why you can't take anybody seriously anymore.

And

did he have any kind of, did he just delete it without any kind of.

He just deleted it.

He didn't say anything.

He just deleted it.

Why would he delete it, though?

Like, what's it going to?

Like, why not keep it up there?

Yeah, you're fucking Steve Martin.

Who's going to fucking...

It's not like Mel Gibson being like, hey, sugar, tits, you fucking Jew.

Like, it's not, it's not a fucking Mel Gibson moment.

Well, he just doesn't want to hear it.

He would hear it anyway, though.

And then you, and then you get, you cave

to she was outspoken in her feminism, especially in regards to her legacy as Princess Leia.

She did not hesitate to call people out on their perceptions and sexualization of the character.

You're fucking hot.

But that's not something you can control.

Yeah.

Nor is it anything.

You can't control it.

And you came back to the character.

So what's going on?

You know?

But I'm sure, you know what?

I don't know.

This is going to be okay, though.

I don't care anymore.

Yeah.

A 1999 interview she conducted with Steve Martin for The Times.

I slept with Steve Martin once and once only 20-some years ago.

And I interviewed Steve Martin once and once only 20-some days days ago.

They were.

You do the math.

Well, for one night, one night stand.

But 20 years ago, so in their 50s?

No, she was 60, so in their 40s, yeah.

So he was still hitting it when he was willing to hit it.

20 years after.

Yeah, man, wouldn't you?

I don't know.

You're telling me.

I don't even know what she looked like at 40.

Yeah, but who gives?

I would have fucked her at 60.

It's Princess Leia.

Yeah.

Look a little rough in her drug years, her drug and drinking years.

I don't look rough to you.

I'd hit that.

I'd hit that shit.

I'd never quit that shit.

I don't know.

Yeah, I mean,

they were friends, too, so I don't know, man.

I'm trying to, you know.

You're trying to not care.

I don't care.

I don't care about anything anymore.

Backlash forces Steve Martin to delete Twitter tribute.

I wonder why he didn't tweet anything about sexy Debbie Reynolds,

America's sweetheart.

That's one exquisite creature.

She kind of fell off the face of the

Debbie Reynolds?

Yeah, she kind of was fucking 85 years old.

But I couldn't, like, when I heard she died, I was like, I don't know what she's famous for.

I don't remember her seeing her or anything.

I can't recall anything that I would remember her from.

Probably not, right?

I mean,

I know she was a

Hollywood

elite, right?

She had a name, you know, and she wear it, but I don't know what it was that I could say, like, oh, yeah, she was in BAM.

Like, I couldn't tell her.

She was in singing in the rain.

I don't know.

Just singing in the ring.

That was in Fred Astaire, wasn't it?

That was tap dancing in the rain, a famous sequence, right?

Yeah, that's what made me want to be a tap dancer.

Mm-hmm.

Fred Astaire.

I didn't know that.

Remember him in Ghost Story?

He was awesome.

Fucking little Dickie.

Was that his last role?

Fred Astaire?

Yeah.

I think it was Story.

Yeah.

Imagine that's your legacy.

A tap dancer in a horror movie.

Well, it's like Horace and Wells' last movie was the Transformers movie.

This is weird.

These weird roles.

What about what's his name?

Godfather Marlon Brando.

What was his last role?

Oh, I think it was Dial Island Doc and Row, right?

Really?

No, he went out on a turkey?

You all do.

Well, Fred Astair died.

People are like, who the fuck's Fred Astair?

Why are they talking about him?

He died in 1987.

Like I said, man,

can someone get this?

My pop culture isn't black and white.

It sure is.

Every picture of Fred Astaire is in black and white on Wikipedia.

Oh, wait, here's a colored picture.

He's a long page, man.

He did a lot of shit.

Dude, he's Fred Astair is

another icon.

Yeah.

He was short.

Wasn't he like 5'2 ⁇ , or some shit like that?

Yeah.

He was,

God, he was born in 1899.

Holy shit.

What a fucking time to see, right?

Because you're young enough that you remember World War I and World War II.

So he was like fully adult in the Great Depression.

Yeah.

He was nearing 30.

He's dancing around.

Everyone's like ready to fucking kill themselves.

He's tap dancing up a storm.

Right through the dust bowl and shit.

What do you think he would

do you think

he would think that this era he lived through was

worse or the one that we live in now?

Fred Astaire?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Did he seem like a gentleman to you?

He seems sort of like gentlemanly, right?

Yeah.

He just came off as classy.

So he would actors did it.

We live in a good time.

Why don't we live in a good time?

Because you got fucking ghost pussies all over town forcing.

Yeah, but

that's only if you pay attention to him.

Here's the secret.

You just don't go online.

You will never encounter one of these people in real life.

Ever.

Ever.

So it's like all you got to do is not go online.

And then they're nonsense and they're prattling.

They're crying.

It's not a possible, though.

It's not a possible.

I've never met anybody who does.

I stop myself now.

If I start reading something, then I'm just like, what is this idiot?

Then I'm like, why am I doing this?

And I just stop.

It's been a great quality of life increase.

Has it?

Dude, I'm incredible.

Like, even

politics, I mean, I've said this before.

I just checked out and I feel pretty good.

I don't care.

And like, then, then, even Trump winning has only further insulated my ability to do that.

Because,

well, what's he going to do?

That's going to, that's going to affect me.

Well, don't you have any

friends who are

maybe won't be allowed in the country because of his

guard line stance?

Possibly, but you know.

But it will affect you then.

Yeah, not really.

That's that problem.

That's not my problem.

You're friends, though.

I mean, E.K.

Morris is getting the boot.

Oh, he's

Muslim Morris.

Muslim muscles.

I thought that was a Muslim moment.

We have Muslim friends, but E.K.

Morris's

wall.

Build a wall.

Keep Imon Morris out.

Is he blind to the

blind tourist?

Imon Morris.

The in-betweeners is a lot different meaning.

Yeah, right.

The score was the last movie Marlon Brando was in.

The score.

Wasn't that the one, what's his name directed?

Frank Oz, and he kept calling her Miss Piggy and shit.

I thought that was a freshman.

No, no, it's a score.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Are you worried?

I mean, like, I mean, this is.

I know you're not.

I know you're not.

I could tell you're definitely not, but can you see why other people might be worried about the what

are we, what are we in store for the unknown?

I mean, it's the great unknown environment thing i'm not happy about his take on the environment um but

trumps yeah but you feel that he doesn't give it he doesn't give it enough credence to the environment well he says that global warming is a myth

yeah but that that concerns you it concerns me only in so much well look how it concerns me is this i don't mean it i don't mean it i don't mean it's 40 whatever

it's going to be done the next 40 years

exactly you know what i mean like i don't mean i don't mean it in a way that it concerns you, but that makes you go, that makes you raise an eyebrow a little bit when he says

it doesn't exist.

Oh, everything he does, I raise eyebrows, left, my eyebrows under perpetual,

but I am also

tired of

a lot of the way that society has gone.

And

I'm just like, fine.

I said, dude, I was the one, the fucking first one.

How often do I pat myself in the back?

I said almost two years ago.

Well, both your arms are in a sling most most of the time.

I assumed it was a trial.

Save it for the trial.

Save it for the trial.

Save that for the trial.

Yeah, I said two years ago, I was like, this motherfucker is going to win because people are just sick of

the whiny bullshit.

And it's just like,

you know, now when you say that, now they're like, now you're blaming us for losing the election.

And that's not right.

Blame racists.

And it's just like, all right, so you guys didn't learn your lessons.

So get ready for eight years of Trump instead of four.

And if that's the case.

I didn't think he could win, so I was wrong.

But boy, if he doesn't do something,

he's got a lot of really bold promises to keep to his people.

And if he doesn't keep them, you think they're going to vote for him again?

Well, I am telling you right now, the second I saw how

the left has responded to him winning, I know immediately he's being there for eight years.

But I don't think you're discounting.

You're discounting the people who put him into office

because of the things he said.

And if he doesn't, and he's not going to be able to come through on a hell of a lot of things he promised.

Don't think they care.

Well, the vagueness of it.

I don't think he got voted because he'll just become every other politician then.

I think that for people to, I don't think people care, Walt.

I think it's all a smokeshow.

But that's why they voted for him because they don't care.

They voted for him because he was the only one sitting there and not being there being like everybody else focused on everybody but white America.

He was the only one that focused on white America, whether he meant what he said or not.

And he's just going to keep pressing that button again and again, and then he's going to get voted back in.

Do you agree with that?

You don't think, though, that he's going to that

having already made so many crazy promises that he can't keep

are going to come back to hurt him?

Well, the wall?

The wall for one.

How many people really want a wall, though?

I mean,

they want to have a wall.

But do they really, is that something that people really want?

I'm not.

Oh, yeah.

It's

the thing that kick-started him into

his campaign.

I remember the day that he said something about Mexicans being rapists and shit or whatever.

And reading it in the post, I'd be like, oh, my God, he started already?

Like, day one, like right out of the gate, he said something funny.

But the wall is not financially viable, though.

It's like the Great Wall of China.

Who's going to make Mexico pay for it?

Well, I think that if he turns that around.

Another promise,

that's insane.

If he turns that around and is like because here's the problem it's not the wall it's not the wall wall it's the reasons that people want the wall and it's like he's going to he's going to address that in a major way

well illegal immigration yes all that all that some law and order that you know some you know and that and and at the end of the day it's like that's going to be what because right now if you say that you're against illegal immigration you're racist where it's just like wait why like why?

I'm not against legal immigration.

Like,

why is it racist to be like, yeah, we have laws, and I want people to follow those laws to get in the country?

Because if we're not doing that,

if the fucking bleeding-heart liberals are like, oh, but this, that, and the other thing, and let them in, then it's just like, you know what?

Then there's certain laws I don't want to follow either.

And I'll start with the fucking tax code.

And now here's my version of the fucking, like, why don't, why, like, who's following, like, what's wrong with people following laws to get into the country?

I don't get it.

Like, the whole notion of people being upset that he wants to build a wall, why would anybody be upset by that?

Well, there's plenty of people who are, but

I don't think he's going to be able to do that.

He's not building that wall.

He's not building that wall.

He's not building that wall.

So you don't think that that's going to come back to, like, how many of the promises did he make?

Are going to be able to, or is he going to be able to come through on?

That's the big question.

He's come through on some jobs.

Not, you know, relatively not that many, but he got sprint to come back.

He got

people don't understand.

He's not even the president yet.

True.

You know, nobody understands.

Anybody understand foreign policy?

Does anybody understand fucking economic policy?

Like, nobody does.

The average person doesn't.

So it's just he won on attitude.

What do you think about this Russia thing, though?

Do you think

how hard he's trying to

say that, like, well, Russia wasn't really involved?

And, like, but

you know what?

Look, I'm not saying I agree with it.

I don't agree with the guy.

I don't agree with his policy.

A lot of the shit.

I'm just saying I could see why he won, and the reaction that he got from the left, the far, it's always the far left.

It's not like, because I consider myself left.

It's like, did not at all.

They didn't learn.

They doubled down on the white people are evil.

Fucking everybody, everybody between New York and L.A.

is racist.

It's a long time between now and four years, Q.

It doesn't.

I'm telling you, well, it doesn't matter because they're going to keep hitting that drum, and people are going to be like, fuck.

You're fucking going after Steve Martin for the fuck out of here.

They're going after Steve Martin.

Like the American Treasure.

Right.

For the most

innocuous tweet.

And you can't even say, like, what I'm saying, there's going to be someone out there that's going to get annoyed at me for saying it.

Oh, yeah.

As if I'm not allowed to have an opinion.

Because, like, when Colin Joes made that

joke on Sign Out Live, where he was like, whoever, Facebook, it wasn't Facebook, but

facebook now lets you pick between 37 genders when you sign up and he's like we call that feature why trump won and the fucking backlash that he got just like you're blaming this on you know on an already marginalized group of and it's just like assholes he made a fucking joke that has a kernel of truth in it like whether you want to fucking like That's what I'm saying.

And it's just, so now, you know what?

So now Colin Jose is not going to make that joke on the show, but it's still true.

But it's like, it's not going to change anything.

And he's allowed to make that joke, but they don't want him to make that joke.

They don't want

that expression being that.

Some things aren't.

You just don't joke about them, Q.

Some things.

There are no.

What those things are.

There are some things that are

kind of taboo in comedy, aren't there?

Such as.

There are now, yeah.

Well, and even before.

Yeah, more and more.

Even before 2016, there were some things that were very difficult to navigate and talk about jokes.

Like child molestation?

Sure.

Louis C.K.

did it on Saturday Night Live.

I thought it was funny.

Constantly.

Yeah.

Oh, constantly.

Okay, maybe I'm wrong.

Drug abuse.

Again, Saturday Night Live did that

heroin thing.

I mean, because drunkies deserve it.

I hear you.

Let me tell you something.

Kinnison album.

Oh, yeah.

Holy fuck.

Let me tell you something.

I stayed at Pem and Ugger's for Christmas, and I started to think, I'm like, how the fuck did I do this for so long?

Like years back.

And it was because of the fucking opiates.

They numb you to the point where you can live with your parents.

The flip side is you're on opiates.

Yeah.

But yeah.

It's right.

If you have to go back and live with your parents.

Oh,

you're living?

Oh, no, no.

No, I'm saying if you have to go back and live with your parents, you should immediately get on Roxy's

as quickly as possible.

It's very difficult.

You know,

the thing, well, it's like, I don't know what I'm talking about either.

Like, to me, I'm just like, what do I know?

So to me, I'm like, the best I can do is sit here and fucking bullshit with my friends and just hang and just say whatever comes to my mind.

But it could change next week.

Like, next week, I could be like, I don't know.

Maybe they're wrong about it.

Maybe they're right about it.

You know what I mean?

So I don't know.

I just think that

I remember, like, you know,

every president since I've been an adult, after the president has won the election,

my mindset has always been,

I really, really hope this dude kicks ass

and does everything right.

Even the black guy?

Every president.

Especially the black guy.

Every president.

Because

the same thing with him, though.

He was hardly in the fucking White House before people are like, oh, he's fucking it up.

It's just like, it's like you're talking about hundreds of years that came before him.

It's like, you've got to give him a little time.

Give the guy a little time.

I just wish we weren't so divided.

Let's just be Americans instead of

Democrats and Republicans, but it's never going to happen.

Do you think that line

is more visible than ever before?

Yeah, I think right now it's a shit.

It's like the third rail.

Yeah.

Step on it and you're fucking fried.

The third rail of society.

Obama, like you got the sense that he cared about the country and people in it.

And I don't know if I get that from Donald Trump.

You know?

He's a much more, he's not a huggable guy.

No.

You know, you don't get, you don't get, you don't get that feeling of like, you know.

You'd hug Obama, not the Donald.

If I had to make a choice, like, you got to hug a president.

Any president from history, though.

Oh, any president?

Yeah, who'd you hug?

What president?

That's a good question.

One of them, you know, one of those embraces, though.

Oh, it has to be like meaningful.

Yeah, it's got to be be a long, like, you know, it's got to be a tight one where you're like, you know, you feel the man.

You feel his heartbeat.

Yeah.

Maybe Lincoln.

I don't know.

That lanky motherfucker, he was like 6'6.

Yeah, but he really did a lot for the country.

Oh, wait.

Who?

Wait, am I hugging him because I need to feel better or am I hugging him as like, I love you.

Thank you for what you've done.

Yeah.

What is it?

No.

The second one.

You got to hug it.

Let's do it this way.

Let's do it to the only presidents that have

been elected during your lifetime.

Then large it down a little bit.

Because everyone's going to go with the fucking two big ones.

Okay.

Lincoln and Washington.

So who do I have?

Really?

So would it be like Teddy Roosevelt, like the teddy bear?

No.

No?

It would be fucking George Washington.

Those people are going to want to do the first one.

They want to get in there and be like, I hug George Washington

or Lincoln because they're the most known presidents.

But I want somebody from your lifetime.

I want someone to give Bush Jr.

a hug.

I'd hug Dwayne Eisenhower.

Give him a hug and be like, you know,

JFK?

I know you fucked up on that.

So only presidents in your lifetime.

So for us, it would be

Lyndon B.

Johnson.

He's not.

Well,

he's got to be

a live guy?

Yeah, it's got to be like.

So Carter Ford.

Ford's not alive, is he?

No, I don't think so.

I'm just trying to think of who.

Then Ronnie.

Oh, Carter's still alive.

Yeah, Carter, Bush, Bush, Clinton.

Reagan.

Oh, no, Reagan's dead.

Reagan's dead.

Yeah, he's dead too.

Shit.

I'm going to go with Jr.

And then Brock.

I'm going to go with Bush Jr.

Bush Jr., he needs a hug.

He needs a hug more than all of them.

Yeah.

I don't know.

His PI has been picking up in recent years.

Has it?

Who's talking about Bush Jr.?

You know, that's the thing.

He wouldn't even care.

He might.

Like, as an American, you came up to him and you're like, thank you for everything you do.

You were still on point on 9-11.

I think if he wanted, he'd probably want Q more than any of us.

Oh, definitely.

So now you're putting the fame into it or just the looks?

Both.

Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, either way you go.

Q's going to fucking come out.

I'm going to turn for Obama then.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think so.

Would have been Clinton, but, I I mean, really, a lot of ugly shit's come out about Clinton lately.

Why?

What are they saying about it?

Well, he's like, he's sexually harassed women.

He's

recently that came out?

I thought that came out during his presidency.

It's not before.

Him putting a cigar on Monica Lewinsky doesn't affect me at all.

But now you're just hearing that.

Did he go somebody?

That didn't do anything.

That didn't move your...

That didn't move your diet.

I expect that Hope presidents are getting a little fucking strange.

What?

Of course.

It's a stressful job, bro.

But it's a White House, though.

That kind of activity should not be going on under these

White House.

JFK fucking

soiled.

Right.

I'm saying, but not like he's not putting

cigars.

You don't know what he was up to.

Yeah, I don't know, man.

The shenanigans, these guys.

I'll bet you fucking Carter and Ford double-teamed.

Do you think that was something he always wanted to do?

Like, I really, that's, I want to say that.

I'll bet you the cigar was there, and he's like,

I guarantee the cigar was there.

And he's like, let me see if I can do this.

I know the wife isn't into cigars, but

would you be?

Or cock and all, evidently.

Anything phallic shape she doesn't like.

Yeah, he's like, my wife isn't into cigars.

And she's like, all right, I'll smoke one.

He's like, nah, that's not what I'm talking about.

She's like, put on this barrel.

So

you don't think it just happened to be like a cigar was within reach?

And he's like, all right, I'll use that.

Yeah, I think so.

You think he had a whole plan?

He's like he brought in a fucking box of Cubis.

Well, let's see.

Does he smoke?

No.

But people probably give him cigars.

I don't know.

You don't think he smokes a cigar?

He doesn't smoke.

I think he had a cigar finish.

That's the only time it came out.

I think he tried to suppress that.

Very, very much so because he didn't want to look like a freak.

Right.

I was like, I'm going to get my freak on.

I can't have fucking

the American voters find out about this.

It's my only dark secret.

Well, no, no.

He's got a lot of money.

Isn't it weird that he shot a load on her dress?

And then she kept the dress?

And then told the.

What was the lady's name?

I forget the lady's name that she told us.

Jennifer Flowers?

Yeah.

No, that was Gary someone or other.

No, Jennifer Flowers was another Clinton

dalliance.

Was it?

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't remember.

She was like a librarian, like teacher-looking lady.

Yeah.

She looked like the kind of lady that was like, oh, I'm too ugly to shove it up my pussy, huh?

Fuck you then.

Yeah.

Like young Monica Lewinsky

looking fine.

I don't think Obama would have cheated on as well.

I don't know if you think happened to that cigar.

He smoked that shit right away.

Oh, you think?

It was like dipping a joint and fucking formaldehyde.

He got fucking up.

Yellowstone.

That shit made me, that was in the, like, that happened in my early 20s, right?

That made me really want to be president of Republicans.

No, that was me being like, and I grew up on Staten Island, very Republican.

Oh, because they went after him so hard.

And I was like, this is so petty and fucking nonsensical.

And they're like,

he lied on their oath about his sexual activities.

I'm like, you know, fucking shit.

This guy wouldn't.

He knew his wife was going to see it.

I was like, why are you guys being like assholes about this?

Be cool, man.

I know.

Like, fucking chill out, bro.

Yeah, I remember thinking that.

That really turned, that put me on that project.

And you know, everybody who's looking down their nose at him has probably like they are either too old and gnarly to like to get a young girl.

They're like, I'm not the president.

I'm just some fucking congressman or or senator or whatever.

Like, I can't get it.

I think it has to all do with like

politics.

It's not about like they're outraged about the act.

I'm sure that they were like.

No, they're not jealous.

No, no.

They're not haters.

I think it's, yeah, haters, but for all the wrong reasons.

Well, for all, or just different reasons.

Yeah.

They wanted to take them.

They want to take

the biggest Democrat down.

And I always thought.

Back then, I always heard that black people really liked Clinton and he did a lot for them.

And then in recent years, you just find out that I don't know what they are because I stopped paying attention, but his policies were actually bad for the African community.

Well, because he instituted some harsh laws that made, like, that could make, if you got arrested for drugs and stuff, you would go away for life.

Was he the one that did that?

The powdered Coke versus.

I thought that was a while ago.

That was like powdered coke coke versus crack was like late 80s, early 90s when that law came into effect.

I didn't think he had anything to do with that.

That would have been a Bush thing.

I don't know.

I don't like that.

I don't like that.

What?

The crack versus powdered coke?

Yeah, like to me, I think.

Well, it's so fucking obvious, man.

It's like, who's doing powdered coke?

Like, rich white people?

Who's doing crack?

Poor black people.

Yeah.

That's true, right?

Yeah.

To give people 20 years versus six months for a little fucking crack versus.

Yeah, it's bullshit.

Yeah.

It's all bullshit.

So, really, I think Obama gets the hug.

He's got it.

He earns.

I just think he's a good guy.

I think he always just really tried to do the right thing.

So

I have a good feeling about him.

So

you can either go with, since I took Bush Jr., he took.

I'm not allowed to.

No, you can't take one of ours.

No, we're all three of us in a room.

George Washington is off the table.

Bush Sr.

or Carter?

Bush Sr.

or Carter?

Probably Carter.

Or Clayton.

You could take Clayton just because I don't like.

Is there a cigar near him?

I forgot about Clinton.

Yeah.

Is there a cigar near him?

And do I have loose-fitting shorts on?

Don't wear anything blue.

Or else you're going to go home with a fucking stain on it.

Yeah.

I'll tell somebody the color that sets them off.

I have a cigar behind my ear when I meet him.

Like, oh, hey, Snick Willie.

How do you like my fucking blue pants suit?

Slick Willie.

Yeah, I guess it would be Carter.

I mean, he must be so fucking enfeebled right now.

He'd break it.

Like, I could just push him around.

I could be like a bully a president.

He told me often.

He was since he was enfeebled, though.

Yeah, it was.

He was the jerk off.

He couldn't get

the hostages out of Iran.

And then fucking Reagan came in.

He's like, give us those hostages back.

Boom, done.

Carter tried, though.

He did.

He tried.

He tried.

Who doesn't doesn't want to hear about late 70s politics?

That guy who came in earlier, he's like, I run to you guys all the time.

He was just like, what the fuck?

Slowest mile ever.

Talks about this bullshit.

Liver-spotted Carter.

Is Billy Carter still around?

Oh, I hope so, man.

He was awesome.

He was the

Roger Clinton of

Carter.

Ever had Billy Beer?

No, did they?

Yeah.

He started his own beer line.

Billy Beer.

Oh, sorry.

Speaking of beer, Frank

3 dropped by.

He left some beer for you guys.

I didn't know he brewed his own beer.

He does he?

Yeah.

He's a home distiller.

Wow.

He has a yeast infection he's been living off of for three years.

He's got some hops down there.

I actually

have been

making steps to get into the beer game myself.

No, no, you're going to start selling your own beer.

You're going to drive Frank 3 out of business.

You're kidding me.

You're going to start selling Q Q beer?

Not Q beer, no.

Not Q beer.

Oh, God.

This is fucking either hot sauce, popcorn,

or

whatever.

Mike's like, hot sauce.

What's going on with popcorn?

Whoa, whoa, what's going on with popcorn?

No, no.

I'm investing

energy drink.

I'm investigating

investing in

a beer company.

A beer consumer.

Will you be the face of the company?

Or a silent partner?

Depends on what will get me the best.

Why the fuck would they want him as a silent partner?

They can get money from anywhere.

They want Q drinking a fucking Q beer on Impractical Jokers.

I got some.

It wouldn't have wasted on it.

It wouldn't be Q beer.

It wasn't lame, though.

Why is investing in a brewery lame?

But when you put your own name on it and you're no, no, no, I wouldn't do that.

You said that.

I didn't say that.

I said I wouldn't do that.

And it would be Q's brew, by the way.

It wouldn't be.

But it's so lame when people do that, though.

It's so fucking like

Trader Bro.

Yeah, that's not, that was never my plan.

That's what we instantly.

You guys are making that a reality by saying it over and over again.

I know that Pete Purple fucking has like a wine or something.

And I was just like, how sad is that?

Well, doesn't Scorsese have like wine?

No, Coppola.

Yeah, Coppola does.

I mean, that dude's super Italian, though.

I get it.

Coppola Vineyard.

But Q stepping into the beer game at 40 after.

Wait, hold on.

You're saying I shouldn't invest in a brewery?

I mean, not to have it be you.

There's a lot of competition out there.

Not to have you sell the brand

on your back, though.

Well, no.

I would never be like, this is Q's brew.

But I would say on fucking tell them, Steve Dave, like, I invested in a brewery.

Just constantly like, ooh, it's a hot one out there.

You know what?

The more I talk about this, the better does this sound.

Oh, it does.

Don't

forget to pipe a Q's.

With the trial coming up in three weeks, You should be keeping this fucking nonsense to yourself.

I'm not allowed to invest in a business.

But after the trial, though, man, it just says.

Why is investing a bad thing?

Because it's so, like, it's so.

Oh, it's so.

But I would never be.

What are you talking about?

It's so tiny.

It's just so like.

Buy blue chips.

What are you going to fucking invest in a brew for it?

You love beer, though.

I like beer.

I know a type of beer that I like.

How funny is that?

Fuse brew.

Cuse brew, bro.

Dude, after a hard day of after a long day of practically joking,

there's only one thing that gets me.

So what kind of investment are you talking about?

Six figures.

No, no, no, no.

I

bought.

He's putting his fortune.

It's a practically joking.

Cuz Brew.

It's a Cues Brew.

He's like, every nickel I had.

It's a Cube Brew.

No, it's hard to.

I didn't realize it would turn into this much of a topic because there's some,

there's actually some legal paperwork that I still need to go through before I can talk about it.

Background check to get into the not the background check, but I

am

specifically trying to be careful in his answer.

I'm specifically not allowed to say certain things about it.

But

there is a brewery in the Midwest that went out of business that I

may take over.

It went from a fucking home distilling to now you own a home.

That's why I said invest in a place.

That's what I thought.

I was like, like a small brewery, like you see them like in like

hip berries and shit.

Now you fucking own a major factory.

No, no, no.

It is a small brewery.

It is a small brewery.

Are there any American brewers, like major ones left?

Is it like

who?

What do you mean?

Like,

what is an American brewery?

Because Budweiser is a business.

Budweiser is owned by

English, aren't they?

The same people.

They own like a conglomerate?

Yeah, some conglomerate.

They're butch, but there's so many

brewery.

It's a very competitive market, though, isn't it?

The beer market?

Yeah, but you but if you don't invest a lot, I mean, it depends on what you're looking at at it.

Like a moderate growth or like a small review.

Do you want to

crack the top 10?

No, no.

No, top 20.

But I don't even know how you would go about doing that.

It's not about that.

It's like on a micro brew type thing.

Best American beers, it seems, are all

what is this?

Well, Yingling is Yingling's American.

Natty.

What about

Natty Diet?

Natty Brew?

Natural Light.

No, Natty Brew.

Yeah, will you?

Will you?

Yeah, maybe Giddam can be your spokesman.

What I need to fall asleep, I just drink a fucking gallon of Keys Q's brew.

I'll tell you guys a little bit more off there.

It'll make more sense to you.

It'll make more sense to you.

Well,

you really can't talk about it on air, huh?

Well,

until I officially own it, I can't talk about it.

I can't give too many details

until I officially own the rights.

What do you think of that?

What's your

person who wrote in that's like Q's not relatable, it just like that just skyrocketed.

When he's like, I'm buying a fucking brewery in the Midwest, it's like, huh?

I mean, investing in a brewery in the Midwest.

Poor Frank III, like, he's fucking, he's squashing the hops himself with his bare feet while he's watching Monday Night Football.

You're Brianna.

I'm on drinking that then.

Are you going to drive him out of business?

Investing in a brewery,

not buying a brewery.

Investing in one.

So will you be

a majority shareholder?

Why aren't we in on this?

At the end of the day,

what it would be is: I own the brand,

basically, the brand.

And then you've got a brand now.

Well, that I'm buying from the Midwest.

And then

I would invest in the brewery to partner with them to reintroduce the brand.

Would it be a regional distribution or would it be nationwide?

Well, worldwide?

I don't know.

You're way far ahead.

You're way far ahead.

Worldwide.

And it's not a ton of money.

It's not a Q's brew.

It wasn't a ton of money.

It came across my desk.

You need something that, like, what's it like?

I need a fucking loss on my taxes, asshole is what I need, so I'm not giving it all to the fucking governor.

But like, something where he says something like Q's brew, bum, bump.

Oh.

Right.

Oh, a slogan?

Yeah, slogan.

See, now this is what I like.

Now you guys have gotten behind it.

No, it wouldn't have anything to do with me, but I do like the idea of a Q's brewery.

Q's brew for men who are unrelatable.

Oh.

Q's brew.

You don't like it?

Suck my balls.

Q's brew for whites only.

You clean up, though, and if you get it in the markets in Staten Island, no?

Would you wear a Q's brew shirt on in Practical Jokers?

What the fuck do you think?

I think that's the whole reason behind this.

But wait, wait, wait.

Hold on.

Q's Brew is in the joke we just made or the.

They're a sponsor of the joke, like how Subway sponsors.

Well, I'm not going to make a Q's Brew, but

would I wear the shirt of the brewery on the show?

Yes, of course.

Could I wear it?

Yeah,

probably get another season.

But now I think we should talk about this Q's Brew idea.

This could be a Tell him Steve Dave

concern.

You want to get in the beer business?

You don't like that?

You don't want to be a beer meister?

I mean, I think what if we just bought some Budweisers and then just put the Q's brew label over it and sold that?

I think you can easily start to alienate

ants.

Oh, fuck them.

Oh, they like beer.

Why don't you start

everybody?

Trying to

market and

put, like, turn everything you see.

Like, like, you're like the fuck a Terminator, like, fucking digitalizing the odds.

What can I put my face on or 12 C Dave logo on?

Right.

Yeah, that could start to come back to be like, ooh, that's kind of icky.

Well, I didn't say I was doing that.

I specifically said I'm not doing that.

Well, no, Brian's mentioned that.

Oh, okay.

That's why I said

I would have to.

But

if I own

a legitimate, we'll call it whatever.

We call it fucking honest beer.

Right.

Only because I'm holding an honesty thing.

Right, I own that, and we're selling it.

If I wear an honest beer t-shirt on a private little joker, you think that makes me unrelatable?

No, no, no.

But if we are trying, but if you come onto the podcast

and you start and you were like, hey, hey, people on Merch Table, buy a case of Tellum Steve Dave beer.

I would be very.

Well, I wouldn't do that.

Yeah.

Well,

Brian mentioned it.

That's why I said I would be very against the Tellum Steve Dave beer.

What do we sell then?

We got to sell something.

So what do we sell?

It's not beer.

We sell vinyls.

We sell products.

You can't be something you can eat or smoke.

Oh, no.

No, I tall strongly disagree with Gary Steve.

Tell them Steve Dave macaroni.

Something completely unrelated to us.

Oh, well, we said when we started the merch we weren't going to do stupid shit.

Right.

Yeah, I think we did.

Yeah, I think we got to stick to think to passion.

We got those

passion projects, and I don't think

alcohol or steady as she goes, no cereal.

I tell them Steve Dave.

No.

Yeah.

Flakes.

Yeah.

You got it.

You'll become...

No No cues, bro.

You don't want to become a cartoon, though.

You know, and that can, and hey, you know, it happens.

It happens to the best of people.

You know, they're like, oh, well,

why shouldn't I do that?

You know, people want it.

Who am I to, you know, if they want it, why shouldn't I do it?

Remember, you were like, how do people get rich?

That's how people are like, look at fucking Gene Simmons, man.

Like, they look good, but we don't respect that.

He's, of course,

I can't say that I would ever want to go down that road of like where you just put it.

I'm told you Dave Coffin.

Now that I would get behind it.

It's just there's a line,

and

you'll make money, but at what cost, though?

And I guess people will be like, well,

if you're making money, you.

At what point is Gene Simmons like, who gives a fuck?

Do you know how rich I am?

That's Gene Simmons, but that's...

He's like, look at you dealing with Giddam every day.

Put your name on a coffin.

You don't got to fucking go to work.

Yeah, you're, and there's arguments to be made, but like, but if you're going to try to remain

true to your uh

true to yourself,

you can't chase that fucking coffin money

or macaroni money.

God damn it.

Those are the only two ideas I had.

The idea behind, because the idea behind investing in the brewery is you got to figure out a practical joke because there are already six seasons.

We're shooting on six seasons.

How much longer could it go?

I have to start

thinking about life after and what I can invest in to make money as I go older.

And, like, let's say I invest in this and I make 15 grand a year off it, right?

Right.

Just a little stream there.

And then a little stream here.

And if you just put together enough to cover your mortgage for a year, that's kind of well, that's what I'm trying to do.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm looking at the top American beers.

I'm not a beer guy.

Sorry, Frankfurt.

I don't like that.

Oh, you don't want the beer?

No, I don't like it.

You don't want Q's brew?

No.

I mean, I'll display it, but I want to drink it.

Do you like a dark beer, Q?

I like a nice head.

I like head.

I'd like a nice head on it.

I like a nice dark head.

I am really not that choosy when I call it.

Even that is like crossing a line of so on

Telm Steve Dave.

So such a cheap, fucking,

such a cheap and fucking easy fucking.

Yeah, should we cut that out to be true to ourselves?

So tired.

That was so like,

like, ugh.

Wow, you're very judgmental today.

Call him off.

Yeah, it's been, like I said, man, I'm dealing with

something.

I get maybe it's the post-Christmas thing.

Yeah.

I feel like shit.

So

I don't recognize any of these.

What do you got?

Barley John's, The Dark Knight Returns.

You ever drink that, Q?

No.

I really

like Stella.

I drink Peroni.

I drink a nice good Coors Light all-down.

Yeah.

You know?

Staten Island has a brewery called Now On It.

That's fucking cool.

Would you do some non-alcoholic beer at the brewery?

Some near beer.

I don't know.

I don't think I would be in charge, like involved in that.

Are you going to be in a day-to-day operations?

No.

I don't know anything about it.

Without ever seeing the.

Yeah.

You get on that plant line, you know, you whip up the enthusiasm.

He looks like fucking Shirley Feeney on shit.

Schlaville.

Schlavazzo.

We're gonna do away.

Oh.

Give us a sad chance.

We'll take it.

I don't think they give a fuck.

You're gonna make my dream come true.

Hey, you're my boy.

Get off doing it.

Your way.

By the way, who gives a fuck as long as I get the money?

People are like, the sitcoms they reference are older than the presidents they reference.

Bring back the Prince's Day references.

At least that was in the late 80s.

But no day-to-day operations for you?

Well, it's like Kevin owns this place.

He's not involved in the day-to-day.

You don't dress down the fucking, like the janitor.

So fucking up.

You catch the janitor

sipping out of the big distillery.

He just has a long, like eight straws put together into the fucking barrel.

Ho!

On Christmas Eve.

You catch him, too.

Oh, I fired.

You're there to give out some checks, some bonus checks.

Oh, they're doing well.

Yeah, Q Brew.

Oh, so Q Brew's really doing well.

Yeah,

it's more than making enough to pay for it.

There's no way I'm not going to be able to make something called Q's Brew now.

I have to do it.

All right, so I catch the guy.

You catch the janitor.

He's fired.

You know, on Christmas Eve.

I don't give a fuck.

He's right.

If he's going to fucking build the wall,

he's got to fire the janitor for drinking on the job out of the fucking big vats.

Yeah, because now

I got to drink a bottle.

If he drinks a bottle, I'm okay with it.

Straight from the tap.

It's just if he drinks a straw, a giant straw,

you've got to throw all that away, right?

You can't.

Well, it depends how

how if is Q's brew loose and goosey with the reputation?

Q's brew is not.

Is he paying off the fucking health inspector?

You didn't see that.

The health inspector's here for Christmas Eve, too.

Yeah, he's paying off everybody.

He's writing checks to everybody.

These are all bribes, the checks that he's giving out.

It's not bonuses.

I need you to bury a janitor's body.

Here's a check.

You're like, okay.

The comic bookmen got cancelled.

I need a job.

I'm the janitor.

I'm like, come on, quit.

We've been friends for decades.

Inspector says, it's cool.

I can't do this job sober, and you won't give me a good one.

I spent seven dollars on straws to make this fucking

straw.

Two hours' wages.

Like, now you're gonna fucking

cut me down.

I've got like three sips in.

I send you Midwest to your janitor.

And then fly out there to break my balls on Christmas Eve.

I'm bragging to the other janitors.

I know Mr.

Quinn.

Mr.

Quinn.

You'd be alright with me.

Oh, stick about it.

Days gone by.

I'm the one who came up with Cheeseburg, just so you know.

This is what I got out of you.

Fucking jerk off.

Fuck him and his fucking shitty hair.

Look at this dry bill.

Look, what is it, Mr.

Quinn?

No, I'm stopping him.

What a spoon and what a treat.

Oh,

Al.

Oh, man, I haven't felt a stomachache for the last bit in a long time.

Oh, my gosh, you said you knew him.

Oh, I know him.

I know him.

I know you're right, Kill.

Oh, boy.

This is something.

Thanks for that six-pack Christmas.

That was better than a cash bonus.

I went through it in 10 minutes.

Oh, I have a calendar too, Mr.

Quinn.

All these Q's brew models.

Oh, I know you.

Would you make a calendar?

That's a thing, right?

I don't think I...

I have sexy calendars anymore.

All right, so we've just got to transgendal the world world where I've opened a brewery and like I run it.

But yeah, I would make calendars.

Would you do like those points?

I do coasters, you know?

Where the more beer you buy, the more points you get, and you can order merch.

Somebody fucks them over for a jet plane.

No, I don't think so.

But we would do like cheesy, like

promotional material.

The calendar is nice.

Coasters are nice.

Start boarding.

How you talking?

Pint glasses for the bars, Q's.

Neon signs.

Fucking I see why I'm getting into this game, right?

Why?

Cool shit, the neon signs, the glasses.

The keychains.

You're in a hot sauce.

I sell comics with alcohol.

We've got new chains.

Did I mention the keychains?

I wonder if they've restocked the keychains.

I've placed an initial order in 2013.

I wonder if they had to restock their keychains, though.

I have one.

Do you?

Yeah.

I don't have it.

What is it?

It's a logo, the Green Hornet.

It's a well-done keychain.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's funny.

I was so afraid to use it, though, because I only had the one.

I never put it on my keys because I didn't want to lose it.

I never got one.

Where did they sell it?

Like, how did they move it?

I don't know.

I mean, I don't know.

You want me to look it up?

I think Ming had his own website for a little while.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Mingchen.com, right?

Yeah, I don't know know if he was selling stuff out of it or not.

Let me see.

Ming Chen.

He strikes me as a kind who would not let a domain name.

I sell comicsmerchtable.com.

Oh, they sell it.

Oh, same place we do.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, it is a fucking nice keychain.

Look at that.

Oh, that is pretty sweet.

Oh, that's the new, that's the newer.

The newer logo, too, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's it.

I sell comics, Mike, and Ming.

Oh, yeah.

My apologies to anyone who was in Dallas and I'm not there.

I was supposed to go to Dallas.

I normally don't use my wallet for anything.

So when I went out on the 24th, I brought Sage to get pictures with Santa.

And I had it then, but I took Pam's car.

And that was on the 24th.

And then when I went to leave on the 29th or something, I didn't have the wallet.

And

Pam called me later that afternoon and said, oh,

your wallet was in the car on the floor.

So I had a decision to make whether I would be like, all right, well, I'll rebook the flight and then go the next day or say, fuck it.

So obviously I said, fuck it.

Whew.

Meandies.

Sorry, I was just going on.

I was going on GoDaddy and registering QBrew.com Before I get him, got his fucking hands on it.

Oh, picture world, Q, where putting on a new pair of underwear isn't just fresh.

You're stepping into a better day.

Underwear is the first thing you put on and the last thing you take off.

Were you ever like a commando guy where you're like, fuck underwear?

No.

No?

No.

I've been a boxer guy since I was 14.

Why, no, Commando?

Because I like wearing jeans over and over again.

I think if you go commando and you're ball straight on ball denim, then you got to really wash it.

Okay.

Plus, like, it would get, wouldn't it, like, chafe?

You would think, yeah.

Yeah, I would think.

I'm so fucking fat, my thighs just chafe now, anyway, so it doesn't even

matter.

Yeah, man, are you making any

are you making, yeah?

I have like,

like, you ever see like my 600-pound life, or and they have, like, the ladies, like, they get so fat, and they have like, they have those giant, like, brown assholes.

Like, it spreads out on their lips.

You have a brown asshole?

No, no.

I mean, a lot of people do, right?

I bleach mine.

That's the only part of me I take care of.

No, like you see, uh, sometimes you see it in por in porn, too, but like a very heavy person, usually a lady.

It's like it seems like the brown just starts to spread out across my thighs and stuff.

It's like a stain.

It's like a discoloration, yeah, like a stain.

That's gross.

Yeah.

And it's caused by being heavy?

It seems like, yeah.

I mean, you don't, you don't really see it on thinner people, I don't think.

No.

You don't.

No.

No.

Do you got pretty assholes and thin people for you.

Yeah.

Fucking ass shaming.

Asshole shaming.

I mean, that's one thing in 2017.

We want to be able to get a lot of money more teeth shaming and no more.

No more what?

Teeth shaming.

More teeth shaming and no more butthole shaming.

One I see more personally is the other or the other just came up.

One, I have very personal reasons for it.

The other I could care less, but if we don't stop the shaming,

let's go all the way.

Oh, when are we supposed to come up with resolutions?

New Year's resolutions for this episode?

This episode will probably be on New Year's Eve.

Yeah.

Well, let's finish Miundi's and end it with a resolution.

Love it.

You know, you guys think you're my only friends, but my friends at Miundi's sent me a few pairs a while back.

No, I can't imagine wearing anything else.

It really makes the day that much better.

For the price of two cocktails,

two Q, Bruce.

Miundi's will deliver your new favorite pair of underwear.

Will it be cheap shit beer or will it be good?

You think?

It'll be good.

No, it's not going to be like, what is it?

What's that shit he drinks?

Natty ice.

Natty ice.

No, it won't be.

Natty ice is a, you know, I don't want to put it down because like sometimes when you don't have too much money, natty ice gets you where you got to go.

Well, if you hit him, it's just get him where he gots to go is fucking to sleep.

Yeah.

He'll drink a gallon of beer to fall asleep.

That's fucking crazy.

Natty ice is like tough hangover.

Yeah.

But it's like water.

It's like I've had drinking plenty of natty ice in my life.

I got no complaints.

I never even heard of it until he fucking.

Yeah, it's so light.

It's like.

Natty ice was always such an easy drink for me because it just didn't really taste bad.

You know, when you start drinking beer, you're like, oh, this is gross.

I don't think I've had beer.

Probably since you were like 18 or 19, I bet.

No, I bet you you were even.

Yeah, probably, yeah, probably 18.

Yeah.

Natty ice.

Oh, it's natural ice.

That's gross.

That's what I said before.

Oh, it's an Anheuser-Busch.

Yeah, all right.

It's natty ice, baby.

I guess, yeah.

I did it.

That and Pap's Blue Ribbon.

Like, that, Paps.

Well, that's the hipster beer now, right?

Yeah, that's what I was about to say.

Like, Paps had a blowout a few years back where, like, all the hipsters just started drinking it.

They'll deliver your new favorite pair.

Look, these are not cheap underwear, but

they're going to last you a while.

And they are pretty good.

They'll prevent you from getting that fat fuck ass stain.

You know, like, really, because like when I was like, I went on the elliptical or whatever.

Yeah.

When did you do that?

I don't know, a couple months ago.

I remember it vaguely.

Um,

the uh like the regular cotton underwear, like it, it, it

interferes with your leg hair.

Oh, but you wear a nice pair of meundis and they're all sleek.

If you go, if you buy a pair of meundis, you'll never go back to cotton.

No, you won't.

It's a totally different feel.

You'll never go back to cotton.

So make sure that you really want to fucking start spending money on underwear, right?

Because you can buy like eight pairs for fucking six bucks.

They're so good,

you probably get

at least five years out of them.

Five years, five pairs.

It sounds about right.

Five years out of them, continuously washing them.

Right.

Well, we said without?

No, continuously washing them over the course of five years.

I bet you get maybe even more.

They're that well put together.

They are.

For a limited time, everyone in the audience gets 20% off their first pair, but you have to go to our special URL,

meundies.com slash T-E-S-D.

You have nothing to lose.

Don't wait any longer.

I think you get your money back or whatever, because really, what are they going to do?

Take fucking underwear back, recycle them.

What if you worked at the Mewndy's factory?

Yeah.

And they're like, look, we got all these fucking underwear coming in.

We want you to package them as new.

Would you go along with the ruse?

No.

Whistleblower?

Oh, you're a whistleblower, huh?

Whistleblower whistle, yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

Whose whistle?

President Obama's.

Dark head.

All right, you got a resolution, Q?

Happy New Year.

I got a few.

Hey, can we ask Declan to drop this at

a clock timer down?

We should have had it so it was time to

end right at midnight.

Well, you still can, right?

What's the timer at right now?

Like an hour and 10 minutes.

So if he were to put this up at like 10.50,

you know, as we get close.

Like, forget Ryan C.

Christ.

Forget these other jerk-offs as the ball drops.

Here's something like auditory that you can

all gather around and listen to.

Like, they can listen to Q's resolution

as you're ringing the new year, as you're kissing your loved one.

Right.

You also hear what Q has to, what he's going to change.

Well, all of us don't.

Yes, well, you're going first.

Well, Walt, you know, I've been putting a lot of thought to this one, and I think I want to follow your lead.

I think I want to be hashtag woke in 2017.

I think I'm going to

take a real.

You already fucking said it's his thing.

Yeah.

So why are you resolving to try to take his thing away?

Yeah.

All right.

Well, I don't know what that means.

Well, it's just you have an open mind.

Okay.

And I think that, you know, perhaps.

You don't think you do?

I think I do, but I think maybe I don't.

I think it could always be.

I feel like I don't pussyfoot around enough.

This is in complete contrast with your Steve Martin comments earlier.

Yeah.

Well, that's what I'm talking about.

Like that shit.

This doesn't sound like a true.

And he's got that look on his face.

What are you talking about?

That smirk.

I think people want to hear a real resolution.

It's

one they know.

Go to the gym, Fatty.

I don't know.

You know what I just bought?

One of those sweet bikes?

I did buy a bike, but not the Peloton bikes.

They're like two grand.

Yeah.

And then they're like $40 a month.

Those are cool, though.

I didn't get one of those.

I did get a nice Nordic Trek bike and a treadmill.

Really?

And I will say this, they got delivered about a week and a half ago, and I've used them every day.

Nordic Trek makes good shit.

They make good shit.

Well, we had them in the firehouse, so I was always like, I knew, you know, and that shit takes abuse.

So

I got one of those fucking Christmas sales cleaned up.

You're talking like 75% off last year's models.

Really?

Yeah, it was great.

Which are like almost identical to this year's.

Not almost.

Identical.

Yeah.

So I got that, and I've been pretty good at using it.

But that's just really more of my, like, for me, it was like just more the health thing because of what happened to me last year.

And I don't think I followed through on that like I should have.

So, really, it's just more about that.

Got your resolution to be more healthy and being woke, more woke.

I mean, no, I mean, again, why can't I be woke?

I'm just, I think you're just saying.

Stay on the dark side.

Yeah, well, I'm not on the dark side, I'm on the

dark side.

I'm not woke.

I think you're not woke is like that's a that's synonymous with like just some pansy-ass bullshit,

like pandering to fucking whatever is popular in the moment.

Yeah, that's what I want to be.

Whoa.

But for what?

Why do you want to, though?

Because I wonder if I'm...

I either have to accept that I'm in middle age and just calcify as I go on, or I can look at myself and be like, keep the learning process going.

Keep the open mind going.

Like, don't solidify the mind as in, I know what's right, nobody else does.

That's what people tend to do as they get older.

What are you talking about?

That's what everyone does when they're fucking 20.

That's what all these far-left people are.

They're like, I'm right.

Everybody else is wrong.

I don't want to hear anything else.

No, I think you're painting with a broad brush.

Sure, I am.

Yeah.

That's what the far-left is.

Just like the alt-right is.

You're painting, you're using the same brush.

You're like, move over.

I've got to dip my paintbrush in the can, too.

And

painting, again, the whole segment of the population as being closed-minded.

You can't do that.

But in general, far-left social justice warriors

have a mindset

The vocal ones that you see, yeah, I'm not talking about them, Brian.

Okay, I'm talking about street level.

You're out on the streets, yeah.

And you know what?

In the streets.

If I, you know, I think back to the six years of talking on Selma Deep Dave, and I wonder if I ever said anything that hurt anybody's feelings.

I feel like after six years, you still can't pronounce Selma Steve Dave.

I thought that's like a hearing going because that didn't sound like Selm Steve Dave.

Too many cues, Bruce.

Sounds like he punctured his eardrum or something.

Yeah.

That seemed like one word, didn't it?

I gave up halfway through.

T-E-S-D.

You think that you may have,

you may have said some things that upset people?

Maybe.

And that bothers me.

Probably this episode you have.

Well, we know this.

Oh, yeah.

And on this episode, you did.

Major brewery.

You talked about building a wall, and I'm sure there's some people who didn't even make it to the end of the episode.

Well, we're in 2016.

I'm talking about 2017.

Talking about

tomorrow, but the day after.

There's a good chance, though, that some people didn't even make it to the end of the episode, that that was the last straw.

I don't want that anymore.

Done.

I don't want that anymore.

And what the trial coming up is.

What made you take this?

Because I knew I was at a crossroads where you are right now.

And

I saw a segment of the listenership who were very unhappy with the things I was saying, and I changed for them.

Yeah.

Oh, good for you.

It turned out great.

It turned out great.

Well, that's what.

I'm so happy.

That's what I want, Walt.

That I don't ever say my true feelings, and people are always guessing.

That's the way to go, man.

Keep them guessing.

Don't ever let them know what's really in your heart.

How long do you think you've been on that train?

Since.

Ever since you talked about breastfeeding, and everybody got mad.

Oh, so years.

Years.

Yeah.

Best move I ever made was being fake.

Yeah.

Best move I ever made.

Got at least one clip this week.

So you

disingenuous was like a little bit of a character whenever you turn on the mics.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No one ever really knows

what's really going on.

They're always guessing.

Sound too ignorant and fucking thick-headed to do that.

I'm just like, yeah, here's what I think.

Here's a fucking racist joke.

Tell them, Steve, Dave.

We don't even do our resolutions.

Oh, yeah, later.

Yeah, what's going on?

All right, hold on.

All right, hold on.

Yeah, forgot.

Resolution.

Oh, you got one, Brian?

Yeah, I'm going to get even heavier and grow a giant brown stain around my ass.

No, I mean, the one resolution obviously I should be making is like everybody else, where I'm like, I'm going to join a gym and I'm going to get healthy.

Because over Christmas break, I left my medicine somewhere,

the blood pressure medication.

And I'm just like, I don't know.

What's the difference if you don't take it?

Turns out there's a pretty big big difference.

What's the difference, really?

Turns out, like, your blood pressure goes way the fuck up if you're fat, I guess, or have high blood pressure for any other reason.

And you start getting headaches.

Really?

Yeah.

Like, blood pressure was fucking, like, crazy high.

So once I took it, it came on back down.

But I'll bet you I could erase a lot of that by

losing the pounds.

So maybe that, although, I don't know.

Then I'm a sellout, right?

Like that hot model who was fat and then she got thin and everyone was like, oh.

No, because

looking at pictures of us, reason I've sent them to you.

Yeah.

Oh, this is depressing, bro.

What year was that?

2000?

That would have been like 2002?

No, I think even earlier.

I think that would have been like 2002.

2002.

We went to Key West,

and I bought a new photo scanner that takes, that if you put a negative in,

it will read the negative and make an image from the negative.

It's amazing.

Wow.

And I found these old severely damaged negatives from photos from that trip, and the software fixes them.

So I was sending them to Brian as we go.

I have them on my phone actually.

I'll show you one.

There are pictures of me.

I was like, I wish I was only that fat.

And I remember that trip.

You were complaining about being fat that entire fucking trip.

Like, you.

At that point, I'm probably like only 30 pounds overweight.

Right?

So that's Brian in 2002.

You would think that no one in Key West accepted regular money, like only beads.

We have so many beads on us.

Yeah, I mean...

Look how red my face is, too.

Yeah, but it looks like Darren now right there.

And the red wig.

That's me.

That's me.

He has a red wig on, like a clown wig.

Actually, there's one shot where I look like Gidim.

We were talking about that.

Yeah, yeah, that's crazy.

Yeah, why is your face so red?

Well, we're in Key West, and we have been in Miami.

Where we flew in, there was a thunderstorm.

You could see all the lightnings around us.

So I don't know.

I think, you know, you're due to come back.

I saw that, and I was like, you said something, you texted something, and I was like, it's so true.

It's like, we were just loving life.

And that was a time where

I did feel that way.

I don't feel that way right now.

You're not loving life.

No, not at all.

I hate it.

But

in those moments,

that time, that trip was so fucking great.

Everything about it.

From the boobs to the hanging out, to the Quinn's

pretty making out with a plastic textile on it.

Well, yeah, this is the one where we're like, geez, I look kind of like Giddam in this.

Like,

would you, do you see it?

Oh, yeah.

Right?

It does look like him, right?

Wow.

Isn't that crazy?

Yeah.

I would never think that was you.

But like that good-looking picture of Giddam.

Oh, well, not get him now.

He looks like that ass behind me now.

Yeah, it does look like that.

Yeah, when I first saw it, I was like, holy fuck, I look like Giddam.

We all are Giddem.

We are Giddam.

Resolution then, oh, God, for me.

Most people don't even stick to the weight thing, right?

Most people join the gym and then they're out by the end of January.

Yeah, that's why that's kind of why I was here.

I just stay fat.

That's why I bought the equipment because I was like, you know what?

If it's in the house, it'll work.

I'll tell you, dude, that bike, will you sit down?

It's the fucking best.

How do you think I watched Hellraiser this week?

Yeah.

I was like just watching movies and just biking for like 45 minutes.

It was cool.

I don't know.

I can't even think of one.

I can't even think of one right now that I know that I wouldn't be just bullshit.

Your life is so perfectly constructed, huh?

That you're like I want to change that.

I know that I would just be lying if I just was to come up with something on the spot.

Yeah.

You know,

maybe.

and you don't want to be fake so

um

maybe i will um i'll try to change

i'll try to change something about my personality over the course of the year maybe can't be done can't be done

no

you can change your body you can change maybe your mindset about the way you you like say exercise or something like all right i'm just gonna fucking do it i'll put my mind to it people are who they are i believe yeah yeah

can't wake up deep down can't be woke nope you're never gonna be that guy you're never gonna be that 20 year old college student that's fucking at the feminist rally right you won't even leave your house to go on a fucking bicycle no suddenly you're at a feminist rally not happening i don't think guys can be feminist anyway right

certainly not steve martin

poor guy i was i wasn't thinking

i was just saying i was just gonna be like nicer to older people or something Older people?

Yeah.

In what way?

Are you not nice to older people?

I don't have any contacts.

She's like, I'm a fucking monster.

I was just like.

That would be great if we found that out.

Like you were constantly bullying the elderly.

Oh, that would be amazing.

Maybe I'll just do something.

You fucking drove around the mall for like 40 minutes trying to help somebody find their car.

Yeah, that's right.

I was just saying, that's like, maybe I'll do stuff like that.

Just go to the mall and see if there's any lost old people?

No,

I'll just look for older people to help, you know,

but not plan it.

I'll just try to do it like organically.

Well, all right.

If the situation presents itself, it's the best way to do it.

Because then it's not your fault if it doesn't happen.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

You got that rhythm, baby.

It's plain to see.

You got that committed modesty, and promised ecstasy.

You're my last chance, love.

You just don't know it, yeah.

Your sun's arising, I can taste my regret.

Be my mistakes

cause I'm now

there.

Throw it away

with power that I'm through.

Your slow cook seduction.

And I'm a stop and man.

Your hips shake through the waves,

sex on the man.

Your grass is greener, and my yard is ablaze.

I know where I'm going, but I can see through this haze.

Be promised day.

Cause I'm down there,

throwing away

without without you.

You got that rhythm, baby.

It's plain to see.

You got that commitment.

You promise ecstasy.

You're my last chance, number.

You just don't know it yet.

Your sun's arising, I can kiss my regret.

Be my honest turn.

name

Throw me away

Without without you

Be my mistake

Cause I'm down

Throw it away

with all the damage

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