#317: This is Why!

I will suck the devil's cock!

Yeah, here comes the judge.

Here comes the judge.

Come on, man.

This shit ain't gonna last forever.

This will be over in like fucking a couple of years' time.

I'll be back to paying for clone cats.

Pray to this, bitches.

Tell him Steve Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave, dropping Christmas Eve, Walt.

The first episode ever dropping on Christmas Eve, I would imagine, right?

I'm sure a lot of people have time in their busy holiday schedules to listen to Tell him Steve Davis on Christmas Eve.

I would rather do that than anything that I've done the past couple days.

It's been a rough week.

I promised myself, this year I was like, this is a year I'm not waiting until the fucking last minute.

I'm not going out in crowds and all that shit.

And then, like every other asshole out there,

Q, I like how much you've been talking so far.

Thought we got just the the right amount of cue last week.

Some people agreed, some people didn't agree.

That's all right.

Was it hell coming down here?

A lot of traffic?

No, not at all.

Really?

Yeah, I went out today to get stuff for Sage.

Why did you wait?

I don't know.

I don't know.

It's not like I can't.

I don't mean to say that.

I just have to go get more shit tomorrow.

I can't imagine that.

I mean, what are you doing that?

You can't go out and do it.

We were just talking about it before we went live.

I'm watching The Exercise.

I'm watching Last World.

I'm watching.

You've got a lot of TV shows to catch up on.

Yeah, I'm like, Santa's not coming this year, Siege.

That is a fucking fat slug who watches every show that's fucking put out on TV.

Someone online just said I suggested another show.

Yeah, it looks like we're not having your birthday either.

Live in a world, though, where Amazon delivers anything you want within like less than 24 hours.

That's what I do, you know.

But I waited to the last minute, and even like some of the Amazon stuff, it's like May arrive, the 27th, that kind of shit.

Does she have a special thing that you had to get?

Like that one thing that she's like, it'll make or break Christmas?

No.

Well, she asked for this shit called Shopkins.

And this is where we fuck up, man.

Like, we don't need to put out t-shirts and fucking vinyls.

We got to come up with a kids thing that an adult looks at and is like, what the fuck?

Shopkins are these.

I didn't even hear about them until two days ago.

They're these tiny, tiny little characters.

Do they come out of eggs?

I don't think so.

They're like homies, homies, yeah, back in the day.

Yeah, I was like,

they were ever homies.

Were they ever big, though?

They were everywhere that I saw them.

I'm like, Sage, they were out of shopkins, but I did come across these homies at a flea market.

So

Steve Dave homies

that'd be pretty great.

yeah.

Um,

can we have Dan on that head of yours?

You almost saw a shirt on walls,

all our pants are backwards and shit

somewhere.

There's an aunt worth their salt designing that right now.

Yeah, so Shopkins are like, whatever, like, like you remember, like, the girls when they were younger, they had to have like there was something big that everybody

for Sage for a long time.

Now, now it's like Barbie shit

that I will only let her play with regular Barbie.

I've banned fat Barbie from the house.

Is there a husky Barbie?

There's a Husky plus-size Barbie that they started making.

A big bone Barbie.

Yeah, it costs more because all the plastic and shit that they had to use

for that fatty.

Is there really?

No,

they really did.

Yeah, they made like a plus-size Barbie.

I'll find it.

Because, you know, why not teach kids that?

No, well, why not show kids that there's different body types and there's different

chubby or is it just like average

unfuckable?

I think.

Unfuckable Barbie

and her and her and her and her bucktooth boyfriend Ken.

Tard Ken.

He drives a Prius.

He didn't get his license till he was 21.

All right, let's see.

Okay, so

they made a big old.

See, everybody has to Photoshop shit.

Oh, okay.

So I guess here's like the

Barbie lineup.

Which one's the.

Oh, come on.

Well, which ones are.

Those are some child-bearing hips right there.

Those are.

But that's all right.

You don't like those hips?

Those hips don't lie, bro.

On a gal?

Well, the Barbie proportions, I think they say, are fucking crazy, right?

Yeah, it's basically an Auschwitz Barbie.

A tall gal with fucking giant tits.

Do they have a bowl?

It's as skinny as a prisoner of war.

Let me see.

The traditional Barbie.

Yeah, well, yeah, the proportions are all out of whack.

Well, yeah, they would be a whack if you are a prisoner of war and you were eating only bread and water.

Here she is.

There she is.

Fat Barbie.

that's crazy.

Is that what they're referring her to?

What's that?

It's healthy, Barbie.

Listen to you, too.

What fucking awards are you trying to fucking win?

What are you doing?

Yeah, fucking woke flat getting over here and you're sucked into his vortex of PC bullshit.

But what are you talking about?

You fucking sell out, motherfucker.

I saw you on True TV today.

I was feeling like shit.

Whenever I feel like shit, I go to the Impractical Jokers because it always makes me feel better.

That's interesting because I called you twice now.

You didn't fucking pick up the phone.

That's your, what's it called?

Your panicia?

Panacea?

Pinocchio?

What's it called?

What's it called?

When you make that thing that makes you feel good no matter what it is, that you're miracle worker.

Your panacea?

Panacea?

Yeah.

Panicia?

I don't know.

It's not Panacia.

I think

it's not a word I use often.

You can't even say it.

Panacea.

For the first time in Telstude Dave History, you can't correct me.

There's a bunch of fucking idiots like, yay!

Fucking no one jerk off doesn't know words.

Panacea.

All the reds.

Yeah, you might be right.

Panacea.

Anyway, yeah,

that's what it is.

And I go on there, and first,

there's a lot of commercials on True TV.

That's ending soon.

Really?

They cut three minutes out of commercials out of all

programs going forward in 2017.

Really?

There's one of those, like, you know, when you're watching watching something on Comedy Central or whatever, and then the ASPCA commercial comes on, you're like, what the fuck?

That takes you out of it.

Oh, God, yeah.

I'm trying to watch South Park, and all of a sudden, there's a starving dog, Auschwitz pup and shit.

But for you guys, it's the Shriners.

It's like a bunch of kids with like deformed limbs.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

And it's weird.

Like, the kid that they got to narrate it is in a wheelchair.

He's adorable.

It's a Christmas.

You've seen it?

Yeah.

They picked the one kid that actually looks like an elf.

Do you think that was on purpose?

No, you just like, you just want to give everything in your pocket to that.

They picked the right boy to be the face of that.

He's a likable little fuck, isn't he?

Oh my God.

Yeah.

That's good, man.

Yeah.

And he's like, and you can get this adorable blanket, which sucks.

You'd be like, just keep the blanket.

Put it over one of you guys.

Put it over your head.

So I don't have to look at it.

Shriner's got some cool fezzes, though.

I wouldn't mind enjoying the Shriners.

I like a good fez.

Then there's this fucking, I gotta show you, man.

There's a

it's um a rehab thing, right?

Like people that uh go to rehab on a practical jokers, yeah.

And I'm thinking, I'm like, and they ran it so many times during the one episode that I'm like, they must just assume that it's it's like how the judge shows all have lawyers,

Like maybe just druggies are sitting around watching your show during the day.

Right.

Could be.

Could be, though.

So far.

I couldn't argue it.

So there's this

thing about rehab, and the guy doesn't come off.

He's like so stiff, the doctor.

And at one point, he's like, now you tell me what you get from this, just this little bit right here.

The consultation is free, and the referral is

It's over, right?

No.

I wish my family had insurance.

I could have got the best help available.

Oh, that is weird.

That's kind of the weirdest fucking ending to a commercial.

Yeah, because it doesn't really help anybody watching this because they're like, yeah,

how does that make you want to call?

Unless you do it, unless you have good insurance.

The guy goes out of his way to say, like, if you have private

insurance, it may help.

And then the guy at the end looks completely drugged out, yellowest teeth you ever saw.

He's like, sure do wish my family had good insurance.

I could have gotten the best help.

Which means he didn't.

Which means he didn't go there.

That's so bizarre.

I was just like, who is that?

He's like looking at the camera.

He's like looking down at the floor.

Yeah, he's ashamed of himself, as he should be.

But

the point is, like, it looks like the commercial ends.

And then they tag it with this, like, what the fuck?

It was so weird.

That is funny.

That plus the Shriners.

I'm trying to watch you guys on the Jersey Shore fucking around.

Yeah.

I'm trying to watch it.

We're not on like Hulu or anything like that?

I don't know.

Yeah, you might be.

I don't know.

And they were pimping fourth season DVDs

trying to get me to buy shit.

I I can get you one.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Got a fucking box sitting around.

Yeah, so I went shopping today and bought a bunch of shopkins, and she got a go-kart.

A go-kart that I got her fucking put together.

You didn't pay for the

to get it put together by the store?

No, it came from Amazon.

She picked a bunch of shit off Amazon.

She's like, I want this and this and anything.

Does it have a combustible engine?

No, I think it's like a battery.

Yeah, whoa, my fucking Henry Ford?

I was going to say,

I was going to say, do you think you're going to be Christmas Eve?

Do you got the skills to put together a go-kart that

runs on gasoline engine?

What I could do to a regular car

is I could fill the air.

I can change a tire.

I can fill the air.

Most of what I can do centers around tires.

I could check the oil, the transmission fluid, I could put gas in it, obviously.

And You could put some of the

the cleaning fluid in the in the

any fluids, yeah, I could check.

As far as like

and this is why, this is what fucking annoys me about Edgar.

One of the many things is like when I was younger, like going to high school, there was shop class.

Something where I could have learned a practical fucking

skill.

Yes, exactly.

But no, it was always like, no, you got to take college prep classes.

College prep.

You're going to college.

College prep.

Well, to be college.

You were gifted, though.

They thought

they saw the IQ test.

They saw all the teachers saying he's super smart.

But, you know, he has

a superior behavior problem.

He has these tendencies.

So your dad is just like, well, he's super smart.

My boy's not going to work with his hands.

Yeah, he's not going to be like me.

Like, he's a construction worker.

Yeah, he was like, yeah, you're going to do better than me.

You're going to go out there and you're going to be

a,

I mean, come on, man.

You've known me since fucking fifth grade.

At any point where you're like, he might be a doctor someday.

I think you could have been a doctor if you

had the

will and the determination and the, you know, the

drive, but, you know, sometimes the drive isn't there for some, for everybody.

A lot of people, you know, it takes a special breed to become a doctor.

My brother's a doctor.

Like, why is my brother a doctor?

Because he has the drive and

so great about him.

Yeah, it's weird, though.

Like, that's a respectable thing to be.

Well, a podcaster is not sure.

You save just as many lives as that doctor from emails I'm getting.

Yeah, probably more.

And for free.

I don't need insurance.

People wish they had insurance.

And at the end of our fucking podcasters, nobody's like, I sure do wish I had insurance so I could listen to television TV.

They can go anywhere, like just grab a fucking signal off a Starbucks or something.

I mean,

in all seriousness, Q, I mean, since the announcement of the trial

by fire, dot dot dot ants coming up in the new year, I have been bombarded with

people doing exactly what we asked them not to do.

Yes, but understandably, because they're terrified, because they tell me how much Tellum Steve Dave is.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm thinking, like,

there's no disease that we can't beat.

If we're at our best, leprosy.

Yeah.

Maybe.

Jesus himself.

If that little Shriner Jelf listened to Telem Steve James, we all fixed stop dancing right now.

Did you get any letters kind of going for what we want?

Yeah.

Oh, we got enough to do a show.

I've gotten more than enough ammo for the prosecution to

call into all your flaws.

Excellent.

There were more than I thought.

And there were some good points.

More flaws?

There were more flaws than I ever realized.

Shit.

I look at you and I think flawless.

I love you.

Me, too.

Until I read the emails, I was like, oh, shit, that's right.

Wow.

That's a good point.

Well, you're my attorney.

I know.

I know.

It's good that I got to see all this stuff because I'm trying to craft a defense around why, how I can, how I can take those points, all these really good points, too, that these listeners are making, and

try to diffuse them.

So, do you think, okay, so you have the prosecution, you have the defense, and then you have the judge.

Here comes the judge.

Yeah, here comes the judge.

Here comes the judge.

What was that from?

You remember that killer?

No, that was like a big thing in the 60s.

Here come the judge.

Everybody would do it, and I don't remember what it meant.

Yeah, I think it was

artist Pigmeat Markham.

I think it was Flip Wilson.

Flip Wilson, yep.

Well, anyway, yeah, Brian, but there is.

From laughing.

I know to you, I may look old.

Hope this statement ain't too bold.

But here comes the judge.

Here comes the return.

People eat it up, man.

That's great.

It was like, you know, do you remember where's the beef?

Sure, of course.

That was like a catchphrase back then.

50s on your audience.

Here comes

contemporary.

He was like a recurring character that would come on and do it.

No, people would just say the line.

So he only appeared once on that show?

No, it has nothing to do with laughing.

I think it dates back to the 40s.

Really?

Yeah.

I don't know.

I can't remember what it was, but it was like a catchphrase.

It says it's a Pigmeat Markham song, a comedy singer, Pigmeat Markham, first released in 1968.

Here come the judge.

Here come the judge.

Here come the judge.

It was a regular sketch on, yeah, Rowan and Martin's Laughing.

Done the first season by Pigmeat Markham, and in subsequent seasons by Sammy Davis Jr.

That one we just listened to was Sammy Davis Jr.

Here come the judge.

All right.

But

anyway,

do you think the prosecution will be able to sway me

knowing how much I love this fucking guy?

I think think that

that will be probably the biggest cause of a mistrial.

Yeah.

Well, no, it's the jury.

The jury's the

anger.

Right.

But I think that

Wentz,

I don't think there's anything.

I literally could say

that you murdered that little elf on

the Shriners commercial, and the listeners still would be like, you know, would still vote in your favor.

That's how that's how.

As a judge, I'd be like, he must have had his

What would that elf do?

Giddem could provide pictures of you like slaughtering seals

and

wearing their fur and wearing mink coats, and you still

but it's the angry, but it's only the people who send you the emails that get to vote.

No, I think it's, I think, what's no, no, we got to win over the angries.

This is how I thought it was going to go down: is that Giddam, as one of the

mod, as he calls himself.

Not in the good 60s.

He's a mod on that site, and he will create a post that will allow people to go

vote.

But the only people who should be able to vote are the people who

had previous memberships.

Who have previous memberships and complained.

You can't open it to people

who are pretty much.

How are you going to do that, though?

Well, you know who's sent in the emails.

Literally, the four people who sent emails.

That's the judge?

I mean, that's the jury?

Yeah, I thought so.

But I mean...

I mean, there are four heinous emails.

Yeah.

We got to get eight more angry men and or women.

I thought it would just be

just open to the to the I mean, there's no way you there's literally, like I said, there's nothing Gidham can do to win this trial right now.

It's just it's a farce.

It's a shame.

Kangaroo Court.

Because that's how

you've seen it.

You've seen the outpouring of the.

at the meet and greets for the Tenloin shows?

That's been the topic that people have been talking about.

I mean, is there a need to even go on with it then?

Well, are we going to have fun with it?

Oh, yeah, we'll always have fun.

If we'll have fun, then I mean, I say, let's go.

Let's have fun with it.

You never know.

Hey, man, people thought fucking that Casey Anthony was going down.

People

were O.J.

was going to go down.

And they walked.

So here I am thinking that you're going to walk too, but maybe not.

Maybe not.

Dude, it could be the Casey Anthony of podcasting.

Maybe I'll take it too lightly, and

I won't have a defense for some

surprises Guinea may have up his sleeve besides a fucking nasty bump.

More lesions and lumps and fists all over his body.

I think I saw him in the background on that Shriner's commercial.

Your money could go to help boys with lumps from fingering chicks.

Yeah.

Yeah, I read it to Walt.

I got

a message from

a friend of mine, official.

Tell him Steve Dave feminist

on Twitter.

Oh, no, she twiddled.

Oh, no, she twiddled.

And she says

she heard it.

Heard what?

Pretty funny.

She heard the episode where Gidham was blathering on about feminist lumps.

Oh, why?

How he got his lump.

Yeah, how he got his lump.

Oh, fuck.

Where is it?

Why is it...

God damn it.

I can't find it.

She said that basically, I'm paraphrasing, but she said that

when she heard it,

her vagina shriveled up.

Dry creek, if you would.

Dry V.

And

that

if that's what's happening,

he's doing it all wrong.

Well, this is out here wrong.

Really?

Yeah.

Why do you just assume that?

Because he got a lump?

Yeah.

To me, I would think

you're doing it too

strenuously, maybe.

I don't know.

I mean, is there a wrong way?

Depending on who.

I think a lot of girls would say, yeah.

There's plenty of wrong ways.

Strenuous might not be the thing they want going on.

And do you think he should get it?

You think he should get it removed, or do you think now he has to just keep it being no, he should get it removed.

Really?

I think so.

I told him I thought that it was like if you get it removed, then you remove, not only removing that, you're removing like when he walks into a store and he buys something, and the girl at the girl at the clerk sees that lump, and she's like, oh,

well, how are you doing?

I know what you're, I know, I see you're a modern-day lover.

Can we just back it up a second?

Set out, that lump's gone.

He's not a player no more.

Well, first off, oh, he was a player to begin with.

Well, no, I mean, come on, why?

Isn't he committed in a committed relationship?

So he shouldn't be showcasing his fucking life.

You can't help it.

Once you're out and about, I mean, unless he puts a glove on it like Michael Jackson.

Right.

He should wear one glove at all times.

Especially at work, so none of the ladies that come in go crazy for it.

I know there are some guys out there, though, that even though they are committed and married,

they wouldn't mind showing off

what's it called, like a war, a war injury or a wound.

A war wound that gets people going, like, ooh.

I don't think the average person, though, thinks that that it's

you want to know why?

Because Giddam fucking put forth theory.

It's not acknowledged in any medical journals or by any normal person.

He's like, oh, the reason I have this giant cyst is because I finger my girlfriend too much.

I mean,

that's insanity.

No cashier is looking at that lump and then at him

with anything but like, oh.

Like reaching security handle?

Yeah, reaching for the hand sanitizer and shit.

I think it's now like

it's part of it.

It's charismatic.

It's a defining charismatic.

Charismatic.

I think it's, like I said, it's like when the guys at Movie Jaws,

they were showing their war,

they were showing their injuries.

Yeah, yeah.

I think that's one.

Now he got that he can show with that, like,

have any of you guys got one of these?

No?

Okay.

Yeah, but he's making it up.

It's like making it up.

Thank God I don't.

And if I did, I would have it removed.

Speaking of jaws, I brought you guys gifts.

Do you guys want to open them?

Sure.

On air?

Yeah.

Is this on air?

I think we should like.

That one's yours.

This one's mine.

This one's Walt's.

Walt, unfortunately, knows what he got already.

Oh, you do?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was just about to periscope the unboxing of this, and now.

Oh, well, he knows what he got, but that's all right.

It's still ahead.

You open yours.

I knew I was getting you something last night when I went, and then I saw that, and that was it, and then you sold it.

Oh, is the thing that I want to get him still available?

It is.

Okay.

Forgive the box.

Should I give it to him on air then?

I mean, it's not wrapped, though.

It's not wrapped.

But it's fucking amazing.

Something

I want to buy you for your office.

Oh, wow.

Your home office.

Look at this.

Here.

This old box was put together.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

It looks pretty good.

Scotch tape.

Oh, my God.

Spider-Man.

I want to see that.

Spider-Man sucks.

If you recognize what it is, don't look at that yet.

Don't look at that.

Okay, but look at this.

This

looks like a leather baseball cap.

Yeah,

it looks like Quince hat.

It is an exact recreation of Quince hat from the cat.

Oh, it is.

Yep.

Oh, nice.

Down to the strap is like salmon leather.

It's an exact recreation of it.

The vegan shark.

Wow.

Should be a shark tooth floating around in here somewhere.

Here you go.

Goes in the little pocket up top.

Oh, yeah.

This is like a shark I caught.

Yeah.

I don't know how it looks on you, but the second I saw it, I was like, I got to get him for this.

This is cool.

This is fucking cool.

Fish, man.

Where'd your pump come across that?

I just found it online somewhere.

I was kind of looking for a Jaws-themed gift for Brian.

Oh, actually, it doesn't look too bad.

Looks pretty good on you.

Yeah?

Yeah.

You look like the old man in the sea.

Oh, wow.

I'm very happy with the way that looks on you.

Looking good.

Certificate of authenticity, so I can.

Well, they couldn't legally say it was Quinn's hat, so they made like this cheeky

authenticity to avoid, but apparently, it's to the exact specifications that he's universal and sign off on it.

Yeah.

Oh, really?

This is not an official universal hat?

Yeah.

Fuck it then.

I'm happy with the way it looks on you.

All right, thank you.

Merry Christmas, dude.

Let's see what I got.

Yeah.

How did he know?

How did Walt know?

Because he saw me wearing it on TV.

Yeah.

I commented on it.

I was like, oh, god damn it.

It's in a Jersey Devil box.

I like the box.

Box is sweet.

Yeah.

The box is really nice.

So this is just going to be all about the box now, Hooker.

Your boxes of mine suck.

It's a new Jersey Devils, I guess, Christmas sweater.

Whoa, that has to be.

That's from Tipsy Elves, right?

No.

That's from the Jersey Devils, right?

What are these things retail for?

Oh, shit.

It lights up.

It lights up, baby.

I cannot wait.

I mean, you're obviously going to wear that around the girls, right?

Oh, I'm wearing it on Christmas.

Right.

I mean, but you're not going to tell them.

I'm not going to tell them it lights up.

Once we all sit down and we're ready to eat, then all of a sudden I'll go like, oh, wait a bit.

We forgot to do something before, you know, before we dig in, and then they're going to think.

But this is a new tradition.

No, they're going to think I'm talking about just saying a prayer.

Right.

I'm going to be like, pray to this, bitches.

I'll light up my splitter.

I didn't mean that in that way.

I didn't mean, yeah, that one comes across all, yeah, because it since they're all

girls.

I meant pray to

some goals being scored.

Yeah.

To a new 2017 with all offense.

That game last night was something, huh?

Yeah, it was old school hockey, baby.

There were fights.

How is it?

Tell me this, though.

How is a guy who can turn that off?

I want to ring.

And that comes out to

drain the battery.

How does a guy who

conceivably

just a couple weeks ago, you were saying that you were hated.

Yeah.

Reviled.

Well, only by the audience that I love the most.

How is it that you are invited onto the New Jersey Devils telecast to give color commentary

and a guy who worships at the devil's teeth.

I will suck the devil's cock

to

be where you sat and give my opinions on the state of the devils.

I think you sat on TV.

And they literally.

Well-informed opinion.

And they literally are like, fuck you.

They went to a jester.

What are you?

I mean, is it all about?

It's all about just

ratings, isn't it?

Practical jokers, you're standing in the entertainment industry

so higher than and respected than, well, or it's either that, Q, it's either that, or it's what I don't want to think it is.

It's the fucking buck teeth and unfuckable face.

That has me not on a Jersey Devils telecast the way you are.

It was a boardroom discussion that went on for three hours.

Your pictures next to each other.

The pros and cons.

That came down to

practical jokes got me through the door, but like there is

there, like I'm so grateful to the Devil's Organization for

the memories that I have with my dad growing up, like, and how he was a huge fan and everything like that.

That I think that comes across.

Like, that's always what it's about.

And I bring my dad every time I go, you know, and like he met Henrique last night, and he was like, I've never seen my dad like this.

He was like, hard to like, he was like, geez, it's like a teenage girl.

He's like, what just sound like

really?

I mean, yeah, I mean.

So I think there's a warmth to it

that I don't bring?

Yeah, maybe not.

Maybe you don't open up yet.

That I don't bring a level of enthusiasm and passion.

And so I have to say that, like, oh, so if I were to be like, well, me and my dad,

so I would have to fucking lie.

A guy who on every problem.

On single episode

of the show we've ever done, there is something devil's

either you're wearing wear the colors.

Every time I go, I talk about you.

Right.

So, it's so it's either it's either this, there is no other answer.

I was hoping you were going to say it was because compliment is just not as popular.

Wow, got me back for a vibe.

You're going to get up there as a joke.

No, I think.

I think that

the brakes.

You know, I stay in contact with

my friends in the organization.

I know that the players are all fans of

Adam, as I like to call my new friend, was telling me that

Adam Driver?

No, it's Adam Henry.

Oh, yeah, that's

actually texting you personally.

Yeah, we're hanging out soon.

Yeah.

Hope he gets traded.

You got to hang out with Jim Dowd.

What the fuck?

You know what?

I hope he gets traded.

I hope he gets traded before you get to fucking hang out with him.

Hope he gets traded to the Rangers.

No, this is.

Hope he gets fucking traded to Winnipeg.

Fuck it out in the boondocks.

Basically, fucking.

You can fly out there and hang out with your girlfriend.

He sent him that.

I went into his locker and grabbed his gloves and put them down my pants.

Yeah.

Wonderful.

Say you wouldn't do shit like that.

See, you don't joke.

If I knew that's all it took, I had to act like a fucking ass clown.

I can't go in and be just my knowledge of my passion and my literal experience of watching for 30 years is not enough.

I have to be like,

you know, the Woody Woodpecker.

I mean, they got a lot of people

that have been, but, you know.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, there's lots of fans.

Really?

That's real text from him?

Yeah.

Wow.

What's the problem?

You want to put yourself in the middle of the morning?

Did I admit on Compo Man?

I don't know if it ever aired that I made a Valentine's Day card for Patrick Sanchez.

Oh, it aired, yeah.

I saw it.

Have you ever made a card with a heart on it for your favorite player?

I have not, not yet, no.

No.

This is, it's in the works.

What do you mean, not yet?

Like, that's my dad hanging out with Henrique in the bowels of the Prudential Center.

Now you're just rubbing it in.

How far did you get up his bowels?

Pretty far.

He's in his locker spelling.

God, that fucking anger, dude.

That's going to help you.

I created a podcast solely about the devils.

Yeah.

I have warm memories

of

experiencing devil moments.

Yeah, because my dad was in the room as I watched the game sometimes.

I have memories of dancing.

I think, dude,

dancing with, holding my dog as if she was the cup in 1995 on that June night.

Right.

And kissing my dog's belly as if it was the cup when they won that first cup.

Somebody looking through the window like,

something needs to be done about this guy.

Deb just closes the door

slow dancing with his dog

in the undercarriage.

Did you kiss your dad's belly when they won the first cup?

Or anyone's belly for that matter?

Then why the fuck?

Why are you even there and not me?

Why are you there and not me?

I think that, look, here's the thing.

I think they like you.

They're aware of you for sure.

But you don't foster the relationship.

You don't either.

Don't tell me I don't.

I text a guy.

Every week I text my boy over there.

Just a bullshit about nothing.

I got him a Christmas present.

What?

Better not be a Quinn hat.

Well,

I got him a nice expensive bottle of scotch.

Last year I got him nice cigars.

You know.

Yeah, you didn't give him any.

It's all about, it's really, that's what it's about.

Yeah, being friends.

Being friendly with people.

Yeah, of course.

Keep your friends.

Like, for instance, for instance.

Keep them.

I don't want them.

Why?

I don't want them.

I don't even abuse it.

Tom Petty's playing at the Prudential Center, right?

How would you abuse it?

They're not.

No, no, no.

Because my guy is, my friend over there is when he's

ticked to anything at the house.

He said, never, ever.

Anything you want to come to go I bought tickets because I don't want to abuse that's what I'm saying like you know I've never abused it

you're pointing a finger at me like well you abused it or you would abuse it you know I would never abuse it I don't know

I have never when I

remains to be seen I guess I have never called I even my one of my closest friends I have never called him and like hey I'm taking my daughter to this concert can you get me backstage can you pull any strings

never have I done it I brought purchased everything just like just like you have yeah And still, no calls ever come from the devils.

They'll never come.

This fucking mug.

That's what it's all about.

It's not TV friendly.

That's not true.

Seven, what, six years?

You know what?

We'll go to a game.

No, I don't want to do it on your fucking coattails.

I don't want to do it.

You want to make your own way?

I don't even want to do it.

What are you talking about?

Can you give him that guy's number and then you could just text him out of nowhere?

Just my fucking two middle fingers.

No, No, just be like,

no, with your sweater on.

Be like, Merry Christmas, whatever the guy's name is.

It's pandering.

With your sweater on.

It's so painfully obvious what I'm doing, though.

Yeah, but you're a likable guy.

You just got to get in there and mix it up a little bit.

You know, that's not true.

Now you're just saying it now.

You ruined his Christmas.

Dad, does that sweater light up?

No.

Yes, it does.

Yes, it does.

I can see the wire.

Oh,

yeah.

Literally it lights up right now, but my heart will never light up again.

Girls, do you know a lot of people kill themselves around the holidays?

Do they?

Isn't that like last night or watching the game and they were rapping presents?

And

you didn't even tell me you were on.

I didn't know I was going to be on.

I went with my dad.

They were like, hey, do you want to do this?

And the wonderful Deb Placey comes on and says, lovely woman.

Stay tuned for the Geico intermission report.

We're going to have a special guest, Q from the Impractical Jokers.

And everybody goes, Isn't that your friend?

And I'm like, Yeah, that's that's my friend.

Now they acknowledge it after years of saying you're a liar.

And then they're going, Well, how come you're not on there talking about the devil's dad?

You know, they just like whip around with your teeth.

You're like, This is why.

Why I'll never, ever be able

to fucking animals.

I'm a fuckable.

Don't look at me.

Look away.

All the other shit is bullshit, but that.

But the question was, the question,

how do you tell your kid

what's the answer to that?

We're like, how come you never got to go up and talk about your dogs?

I'm a nobody.

I thought you loved the devils.

That's the only thing you wear.

You don't have any other clothes but devil clothes.

You're a who's.

I wish Q was my dad.

Maybe you're going to install Pucknuts up again, bro.

I mean,

the original team is here.

No, they're not.

Ming will never do puck nuts again.

I would never want to do it again.

Are you fucking kidding me?

You wouldn't have to ask me.

He stops his head in the the door and said, fuck nuts.

He's like, oh, Pucknuts.

Are you ready?

That Ming is long gone.

Wow.

He's on the con circuit.

He wouldn't be around weekly to do a Pucknuts.

We don't know that.

He's on some kind of circuit.

He's either at a con, at a party, at this.

Holy shit, I have never seen such a busy fucking schedule.

There's your gift right there in the window.

Q.

That?

Yeah, you got to get all the riddles right to get to owning it, though.

Oh, shit.

That's awesome, man.

Yeah, I bought that before.

I saw you on TV last night.

It might have been a little different.

I couldn't return it, though.

The stash has a no return policy.

Should I carry over the gift that I got him?

Should I carry over the gift that I got him?

Yeah, as he tries to get the riddles right.

Well, I didn't think that you would be depressed by my gift.

It's not the gift.

It's not the gift.

It's not you.

It's definitely the organization that has.

I think.

Come on, devils, reach out for Christ's sake.

They got really excited when I said you'd wear that on the air.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Who's they?

Adam Henrique was happy to hear that?

I didn't talk to him about it, no.

We were just texting him.

That's not what all those texts are about.

Can you text them right now?

Yeah, why don't you call him right now and fucking

call him and put him on the spot.

Be like, why don't you pay any attention to Walt?

Can you do this?

Can you say

we're in school, like, hey, Adam, do you like Walt?

Yeah, okay.

Circle one, yes or no.

And then if he says no, be like, I was just kidding.

He didn't ask me.

Oh.

Wow.

All right.

I don't know what to say.

We got to lighten the mood a little.

I'm going to get you your present.

It can't be that heavy, right?

That thing's very light.

All right.

You can't look cute, though.

Well, these are the riddles.

I got you the 1966

Frank Gorshen Riddler McKette, But I've put Christmas riddles on the box that you must get before you're able to take it back.

I can already see I'm going to have problems.

Well, maybe Brian Johnson can help you before he gives you your gift.

See, I like this.

You put thought into it.

It's

sweet.

Yeah.

I care about you guys.

Thanks, buddy.

Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Riddle?

What is this?

Well, I'll turn it around once we're ready to unveil it.

Once we're ready, yeah.

It's not wrapped, but.

All right.

Well, it's a nice office.

I'm looking at the back of what looks like a fish tank.

Yeah.

An octagon fish tank.

But there's something inside.

Okay.

Well, what do you want to do that?

You want to do the riddles?

Okay, we'll try the riddles first.

No one cares.

Just unveil the fish tank.

Okay.

All right.

You ready for the slow reveal here?

Yeah, should I close my eyes?

Yeah.

All right.

Let's close my eyes.

All right.

We'll spin it around.

You've probably seen it.

He was here earlier today.

Yeah, I don't know.

No, I haven't seen it.

I don't know if he noticed, though.

All right, just imagine this in your home office.

He could not notice this.

Okay, there you go.

It's a Liberace statue

in a fish tank.

In a fish tank, in full sparkly

silver pants, a silver cape.

This is nuts.

I got to dust it off.

Where's the pretty custom?

Somebody brought it in.

Somebody brought it in, right?

It wasn't on the show?

No, it didn't make it to the show.

Well, I confiscated immediately.

You knew that would be your point.

Oh, my God.

I mean, it's definitely amazing.

What?

Oh, my God.

That's great.

He's in full,

full.

Take a picture of it.

Yeah.

Show Adam.

Don't want to see it right away.

Put it on your balls, like his gloves.

Yeah,

that's great, dude.

Yeah, I will put this in my office.

There's no way anyone else would ever give you this, right?

No, this is amazing.

He's incredible.

I did a double take.

At first,

I thought it was Elvis, and then I was like, wait a second.

And then I was like, oh, it's even better.

It's fucking Liberace.

Who the fuck made this?

Why would they buy it?

They've called him the happy Elvis.

Why did they put him in a fish tank?

I think this is just the

display thing.

There's all glitter all over the fucking colour.

The display case is not really, it didn't come with it.

That's just someone put it in there.

Yeah.

Giddam found it at a flea market?

No.

No, it doesn't have anything to do with Giddam.

Look at this.

Now he's debasing my gift.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, I love it.

I love it.

Oh, my God.

This is great.

This is unusual.

I thought you would appreciate

the oddity of it all.

It's great, dude.

I love it.

All right, let's get him the fuck off the table.

Yeah, I got to come up with something fun, a fun spot to put him.

The case is dope because the case is mirrored in the back, so you can see the back of him glittering and shit.

He looks great, right?

Yeah, he looks great, dude.

Thanks, buddy.

I think I know where he's going to go.

All right.

Wow.

So you're figuring out riddles?

What are we talking about?

You said you were.

I don't know.

I feel like Walt's down.

Oh, yeah, I do have something for you, my friend.

I don't mean to sandbag you.

Well, hold on.

Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?

Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?

Are these easy riddles?

These are because he holds every buck deer.

That's pretty good.

I wouldn't have got that one.

Why does Santa have three gardens?

Why does Santa have three gardens?

I know the.

I got this one.

Because he has three ho-ho-hos.

So he can

ho-ho-ho.

All right.

All right.

Kind of in.

What do you do?

What do you do?

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?

Krispy Kreme.

What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?

Boo-boo-boo?

No.

What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?

Claus?

It would be.

Hmm.

Somewhere someone's out there like, fucking idiot, don't know what panacea means?

And now you fucking can't get this easy riddle.

Oh, we'll have a boo Christmas without you.

I wouldn't have gotten that one in either.

Oh, no.

Well, thanks, buddy.

No problem.

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

I'm going to have to tell the devils I can't appear on it anymore.

Was it hard to just watch him sit there shucking and jiving?

I was answering his question.

He admitted that he didn't even take it seriously.

I was answering like Johnny Mac was asking him questions and I was just like,

and the girl's like,

Q's about to talk.

You said you had a good story for us tonight, though.

I had something come up.

I was talking to my mom, and apparently.

Apparently, there's an issue that took place on the Impractical Joker's Cruise with Brian Johnson.

Do you remember this?

Yeah, I mean, yeah.

I was talking about you, and my mom was like, I don't think he likes me, your friend Brian.

And I was like, why?

What are you talking about?

Why?

She was like, well, I didn't like the Space Monkey show, which we knew.

Yeah.

And apparently.

Mom went to watch that?

Well, she walked out.

She left.

Nice.

Which is for the best.

I had some prepared material.

That didn't go over well.

Yeah, it was.

Like, you were doing porn, like that.

Yeah, it was Impractical Jokers

uh fan fiction slash fiction.

And if she said she told you,

like she was kind of said it to you, but like not ser she was like just talking to you, and she said you put on a face, dismissed her, and then wouldn't talk to her for the rest of the cruise.

That what?

That she said no, she said something to me, and I said, Am I s is he still allowed to hang out with me?

That's not what my mom said.

I thought that's exactly what I said, like joking around.

I'm like,

basically, that's what she said you did.

And then wouldn't look or talk to her for the rest of the cruise.

No,

no way.

She hit my mom on the phone.

All right.

Let's get a three-way with Adam, Henrique, or whatever.

So you don't remember

anything?

Were you annoyed at her?

Were you?

Oh, no, not at all.

No,

of course I wasn't annoyed.

She said

it was weird.

It was a weird moment.

Let's get her on the phone.

The day after one of the shows?

The next day.

Hold on.

She's going to be annoyed that I'm doing this.

Hey, Ma.

Hey, hi, how are we doing?

Good, good.

I have a question for you.

I have my friend Brian Johnson here.

Yeah.

And we're discussing his snubbing and disrespect of you on the cruise.

Oh, for God's sake.

Are you on your show?

Yeah, you're on the show, Ma.

Alpha Alpha P.

I thought it.

Well, you're breaking up, Ma.

All right, what?

I'm the one with the attitude.

You want to tell Brian what he did?

Because he's denying this.

Oh, she hung up on you?

Oh, she's there.

I'll call the house line.

I'll call the house line.

Hold on.

Let's just cut this out.

See, she's

like, don't you do it.

She's

sensitive.

She's flipping and flopping.

She's a mother's not sensitive at all.

She was sensitive that night.

I'll tell you later what I told her.

Come on, Ma.

She's not going to pick up now.

How do you know she's home?

I don't know where else she would be.

She should be cooking for tomorrow.

Coming over.

I was shopping?

Jesus.

Uh-uh.

We might not get to the bottom of this.

No, we will.

It was.

I can't remember.

We did two shows.

One was.

Hello.

Hey, Mom.

I'm trying to call the house line.

You got it.

No, by the time I got there, you hung up.

All right.

Go to the house line.

All right.

All right, fine.

Nice big house.

Can't get to it anymore.

I know.

Hey, that's the way the cues do it, man.

They're on TV.

Every channel I put on, he's on.

I can't get away from the guy.

I'll watch the devils and once you see him here, at least.

Oh, shit.

Next thing you know, he's at a Shriners commercial replacing the elf kid.

All right, Ma, you got us?

I got it.

Okay.

Could you explain to Brian what he did?

Brian, can you hear me?

I can hear you, yes.

Okay, you don't remember, do you?

This is the way I remember it.

We did the Space Monkey show, and I read some

tasty fiction

that someone had written and put on the internet.

And I was told later on that you left.

I did.

There were spots in the show that were a little bit too, they were a little bit too morbid.

Oh, so it wasn't even the.

I know what it was.

It was the, if I, Sal was up there, right?

And I said to Sal, I was like, if you had to go on one of these cruises and it was like a make-a-wish foundation.

I was part of it with your kids cancer.

We put the panel.

We had a lot of joking on it.

And I felt terrible.

I didn't think it was right.

And I walked out of the show.

So, but you weren't supposed to know that, and neither was Brian supposed to know that, right?

So the next day, somebody actually told you, and not my son, that we left.

So when I saw you on backstage before you guys were going on, I said,

you said to me, I guess I'm not allowed to hang out with Brian anymore because of what happened.

I said, no, you're not.

But then

I was trying to be nice to you and you were like rolling your eyes, like saying, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah like you didn't want to hear it um if it felt like I insulted you

and when I was trying to tell you that I thought you were a good person you were going yeah you know and you were rolling your eyes and then I didn't hear from you and you didn't talk to me for the rest of the cruise and I said I must have really insulted you by walking out I didn't know so I felt kind of bad about it and I felt kind of bad about the other person who told you

that should have never said anything.

I thought the other person was actually you, Q.

No, it wasn't me.

I know who it was.

Should I say who it was?

Yeah, me.

Like, shame them publicly.

Yeah,

it was Stacy.

But

I never told you ever.

I never said anything.

But then it looked like you were hurt and you were upset and

rolling your eyes.

and it looked like you were giving me the cold shoulder actually

no I remember

about it you felt bad about it there was nothing I can do about it I remember up to the point where I asked you and I was joking around I said am I still allowed to hang out with him and you said yeah and I thought that we had like that was our our moment of mending fences but I don't I don't remember purposely ignoring you for the rest of the cruise though I would never roll my eyes at you I was also carrying around a bottle of Jim Beam for 90% of of the crew, so

that could have been it, too.

But I would never disrespect

Mrs.

Q.

That you are a little upset, you know, that I walked out, but I don't know.

Well, I don't have a conscience, so I couldn't be upset by that.

It might have been something else.

But no, I would never be

came up last night when I was out with Ryan.

I don't even know how it came out.

And then he goes, I never heard that you walked out on the show.

And I said, yeah, I did.

No, I knew you walked out.

I knew that.

Okay.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, and he said he was going to call.

I told him, don't call me.

I'm not going to talk to you.

And here I am talking to you, right?

Not you, meaning him, you know.

Yeah.

So can we look, can I look forward then to 2017 in Practical Joker's Cruise?

We'll be back to normal.

We'll be back on friendly terms.

Yeah, we'll be back.

We never were offer friendly terms.

I thought you were, but not on my end.

Oh, absolutely not.

No.

And in fact, I forgot that Brian said he was going to call

me when I told him not to call.

And then when he says, I'm here with Brian Johnson, he didn't even click.

I'm going, oh, I thought you were at his house.

And I'm going, oh, do you want to come over for Christmas dinner tomorrow?

All right, Ma.

So you're saying, Ma, he did not, because last night it sounded like it was bordering on open hostility and disrespect.

I never said that.

I said that when

we were talking about.

You said he hated you!

What?

You said he hated your guts.

And you said Walt was bucktoothed and unfuckable.

You said that, mom.

Who has he?

I give up with you, too.

I can't win.

Forget about it.

All right, so enough.

Take it any way you want.

All right.

So everything's okay then?

It's all curpacetic, as you say.

Yeah, as long as it's all right

with Bryant.

For 2017, I'm going to work on some new material that may not be so offensive as

kids' cancer cruises.

Just let me know, all right?

I'll tell you what, Ma.

Yes, you know, you can come.

It's the general audience.

I'll tell you what, Ma, at one point at the Space Monkeys 2017, we'll have you up on stage

and

you can guide the show.

I would never want to do that.

I would never want to do that.

Why would you want to do that?

Why would you want to put me on stage?

You'll see.

No.

Have you ever heard of roller roll?

All right.

Okay, Ma.

So, so

everything's okay.

All right.

I love you, Mom.

Yeah, everything's fine.

I love you, too.

Both of you, believe it or not, Brian.

Don't love you, Monkey.

Have a good Christmas.

Bye.

Bye, Mom.

Wow.

Holy.

In Dutch with Mrs.

Q.

Can you?

Have you ever thought of maybe, you know, making them play for

Ambassador?

You know, it's in Trump's team, man.

You're bringing people together.

Maybe you bring it together.

You get that fucking Middle East solved.

Yeah, I don't know if I'd fit in that, but

me and Walter are doing our part.

Usually we get something from AMC, but this year they gave a donation to the Syrian Children's Relief Fund in our name.

I think I got a mailbox.

I was like, give me a

no, a lunchbox?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's from Original.

That's the production.

Some sort of box.

It was a festive mailbox.

I heard about Walt's penchant for them.

All right.

Yeah, I had to get that settled.

Yeah, well, it's good it's been ironed out.

It was.

I mean, if she is not.

My eyes lit up when she was telling me.

I was like, oh.

I thought it was the porn stuff.

The other shit, like

she had walked out by then.

Yeah.

Sal choosing amongst the cruises, I thought, was pretty funny.

But it's not everyone's cup of tea for sure.

That's definitely not my mom's.

And even some of, I think, the impractical jokers, like people who are like, oh, who's this guy?

He must be a joker, too.

Yeah,

not really.

Not so much.

All right.

I had to iron that out.

Okay.

I got an update on

that aunt who asked for your guys' advice.

Oh, okay.

A final update.

There will be no more updates after this.

She's not allowing him to?

He's developed a lump on his hand.

Things are better than ever.

Just to refresh your guys' memories, this is regarding

the aunt who asked for advice about his

gal not allowing him to watch

Game of Thrones.

Yeah, Game of Thrones was.

And

television programs of that.

Anything with titties.

He chose to take somebody's advice.

He broke up with her.

Where he tucked his penis inside.

I don't watch TV no more.

He tucked his balls inside of pink panties.

And he knew you would say that.

Really?

Or some bikini cut me on DC.

Want to hear what he wrote me?

Absolutely.

I want to thank you guys for your honest opinions.

I'd like to let you know that I've decided to just continue to watch the shows like Game of Thrones in private rather than try to convince my girlfriend to enjoy them with me.

I've even come to the decision that if I had to completely give up these shows, I would.

Wow.

What a fag.

I know how I must sound to Brian Q.

But then he did, then he fucking,

but this girl is worth it.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

I'm sure she is.

I even took your advice, advice, Walt, and found myself enamored with normal television.

Oh, gosh, this poor bastard.

I like watching reruns of King of Queens.

It's so much better than Game of Thrones.

Oh, it's fucking a hundred times better.

No way.

You've never even seen one episode.

I've seen the Game of Thrones.

Who does your wife know?

Quinn pops up at one point.

He's a swordsman.

I've never been happier.

Oh, boy.

And I even plan on proposing in February.

Holy shit, what a douchebag.

Wow.

Well, you know what?

Thank you again, a loyal aunt forever.

What's his name?

I'm not going to give his name.

Well, we can give his first name.

No.

Well, loyal aunt forever.

Well, he's from.

I don't even want to say where he's from.

I just don't want to ruin him.

You don't want to get him in trouble with this show.

No, I just don't want to ruin the surprise.

In case his girl, I don't know if his girl even.

I wonder if he'd be able to get away from it.

Oh, yeah, she sounds like a listener.

She really sounds like somebody who gets it.

Wow.

How old was he again?

That's incredible.

He can look back at his life

when things eventually explode and go wrong and be like, that was the moment I went left when I should have went right.

It's rare.

Most people don't have that ability to be like, that's when I had the escape dash.

He's so cocksure that he's going to have that moment.

There's not a chance that he can look back at the moment when he took the right advice maybe like 50 years from now and he's on the front porch and he's celebrating and

drinking what he's allowed to drink.

He's got

three generations of aunts

to celebrate the longevity.

We're still on.

These kids are listening to us.

The longevity of his marriage.

There's not a chance that it could go that way, huh?

Not a chance.

I think it's a matter of time before she forbids him from listening to Tell him Steve Dave.

I think that he.

If If she even knows.

She definitely doesn't know.

He's hiding it for you.

Why would she

ever think to forbade Tell him Steve Dave?

There's no nudity.

No, not that she knows of.

It's audio, after all.

Saucy language.

Unpopular opinions.

I don't think language is

the problem here.

Well, we're at step one.

We've got to go down this road.

Language will be a problem.

It's little by little, man.

Water on a stone.

That's it.

And he's giving up his rights.

Yeah, is he going to look back and be like, I'm sure glad I didn't watch those shows?

Because if for fucking whatever reason, he never actually offered a solid reason as to why she didn't want him to watch them.

She just doesn't like tits.

You can't hate someone who restricts you.

You've got to be with someone that allows you to set you free.

And

he's not there.

It's a lot of like,

it's a lot of words, you know, that

chirping of words, you know, like the go-to words, the words that, you know, but that's not reality, though.

No.

No.

Reality is you fucking do what you're told.

Thank God, Henry does what he's told.

For this Christmas, Suzanne was making something for my brother, this like collage of

like a dream board.

Yeah, she's like, someday we'll be married, and you can watch Game of Thrones if you want.

Now now she's making this collage and she's looking for pictures of his pets

now these are all dead pets and as i'm going through the pictures i mean my mother has these fucking big plastic bins of like that's cool is it so it you know what at first it was cool and then it got to the point where i was like so melancholy like i'm looking at pictures of myself

Like when I'm young, up until, and I don't know if this is just like something I noticed, but up until the point where my grandmother dies, like every picture before that, I'm like, hey, like big smiles and shit.

And then, and I don't know if it's because like I'm getting older, becoming a teenager, like I'm not smiling as much.

But I'm looking at all these, like these dead people.

And then I even said to her, I'm like, I don't know.

Christmas, do you want to give somebody like, hey, here's all the pets that used to be alive?

You know?

Who is this for?

This is for Darren, my brother Darren.

That's a rough present.

That's an unusual present.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I like the thought behind it.

Yeah, she just wanted to, like, because it's just a jumble.

Can't you just give him pictures of like past Christmases without pets?

Like when he's younger, when you, you know, little.

Well, that's what I suggested because I saw all these pictures of him.

Every fucking picture, he has a bull haircut.

He looks like Lloyd Christmas and shit.

Like every fucking

year, a bull hair.

And I was like, why don't you do that?

But

she didn't want to do that either.

But I was like, yeah, the pets might be a little heavy because you're just like,

oh, well, they're not here anymore.

It did make me think, though, like, if you have a pet that you love,

don't bury it.

Like, get it cremated and then you put it in your house.

And if there's ever a fucking house fire, that's the one thing you can guarantee won't go unscathed.

Right?

Yeah.

Everything else will burn, but you go in there, you're like, there they are.

There he is.

Just like I left them at.

Why?

If you get it stuffed, it won't burn.

Cremated.

No, cremated.

Oh, cremated.

Oh, no taxidermy.

Oh, okay.

No taxidermy would be fucking weird.

I wouldn't want that with any of my pets.

Let me tell you something.

Would you

do that thing where you could clone your pet?

Did we talk about this?

No, I remember you looked into it.

I looked into it, and someone from the company reached out to me, and I'm having having a moral quandary right now.

They talk to you about it.

Well, yeah.

How do they reach out to you?

Out of the blue?

Probably on the screen.

On Twitter, yeah.

Why?

Out of the blue?

Because I talked about it on

Twitter.

Oh, okay.

And they were like, hey, give us a call.

We'll talk to you about doing it.

I mean, they weren't like, we'll do it for free or anything like that.

You know what I mean?

But

why are you here?

But I don't know.

I'm having a

you know, like a moral.

A spiritual, a moral?

Well, because

when Benjamin, like, he'll say the day that Benjamin goes, hopefully many years from now,

it's a clone of him.

It's not the same cat.

They even say it's not the same personality.

That could be anything.

And two, by, like, basically creating a cat as opposed to going to a shelter and just rescuing a cat there.

That's the issue for me.

Not the science.

It's not about God.

No, no, no.

It's not the science behind it.

It's the.

the.

He's like, I am God.

Like Baldwin and Malice and shit.

Who do you think they're praying to, Walter?

Yeah, so I.

I don't know if I don't know if I want to defend you anymore.

Why?

Oh, my God.

Why?

I want to switch.

I want to get him to be your defense.

No, I don't know.

Just feeling a little fucking melancholy around the Chris.

Maybe it's Chris.

Maybe it's the holidays.

This is my attorney again.

You got to be professional.

You got to put aside your fucking

personal feelings.

Would it be?

How bad would it be if we were to switch roles?

No, no, I'm not having Giddam.

I might as well fucking quit the show today.

You might as well represent yourself.

That would be the challenge, though.

No, that would be the challenge.

It would be a slaughter.

No!

A client with Giddam as an attorney is an even bigger fool than if he represented himself.

You're making it difficult, though.

How?

Why?

I mean, now you're just like, you're boasting about all your clones catching up.

You're boasting about like that you're that you're having companies that clone.

Yeah.

That that you know, people and not cell phones, like a bunch of Nigerians.

So I should have left that part out of the story.

Yeah.

All right, so let's cut let's edit that out.

Then have the conversation.

I still know it.

I can't edit it from my brain.

You're shitty.

Why am I shitty?

Because

people who really who like are struggling like da daily and and they're like, the L kid's like, oh,

two dollars.

Quinn's like, I got a free clone cat.

Only swabber.

Come on, man.

This shit ain't going to last forever.

This will be over in like fucking a couple of years' time.

I'll be back to paying for clone cats.

You got to take advantage advantage of him.

I'm on a short ride, man.

You're only halfway through the ride.

Right.

You're right.

You're right.

I'm all right.

I just had a moment of

clarity.

I don't like him.

I'm going to join Reddit right now.

I'm going to get the mob to fucking predate my memory

so I can vote against him, his own attorney.

Oh, man.

All right.

so you're so

you told Clarity.

What a jerk.

You told the Twitter clone

account that you would consider it?

I haven't answered them yet.

How long have you been left them hanging out?

A couple of months.

And you still think that there's a chance for you now to reply to

that response?

Yeah.

Or I could just pay to have a cat cloned.

But if you got it for free, let's say it was for free.

Yeah, okay.

You wouldn't do it?

Well,

I don't know what to do because it would be cool to have a cloned cat.

Yeah, it kind of would.

You don't know what.

Let me give him a shout out right now.

Well, imagine like something goes wrong, like wrong big two.

Yeah, remember they tried, didn't they do that with the boys from Brazil, and now you got a Hitler cat?

Yeah.

What?

Right?

Weren't the boys from Brazil all fucking Hitler clones?

I don't know.

Were they?

Yeah, you never see the fucking movie?

It It was based on a true story.

I didn't see it.

You look it up.

A whole literature of the clones.

I don't know where it is.

I think, oh, via Gen Pets.

There you go.

But usually something goes wrong when you're clone something.

Yeah, like it's going to go fucking crazy.

Yeah, but they've done it.

They've done it successfully.

Like, this is what they do for a living.

What's the longest living clone that they have out there in the real world?

I don't know.

You know what?

Why don't I reach out to them and see if they want to come on and talk about it?

You have any interest?

Yeah, maybe.

Yeah, I'd be interested in that just to hear their process,

how you get into the business.

I did notice what I saw when you were talking about it because it was on What Say You, right?

You were talking about it on What Say You.

Maybe.

I don't remember.

And I looked at their Twitter account, and they didn't have very many followers.

No.

But

I mean, what do you think?

What do you think of it?

I would rather spend my money on putting it into something like the Syrian Children's Relief Fund.

A replicant cat like Blade Runner.

Blade Runner.

Where the dog was.

Well, they only have four years, the Blade Runner replicants.

Oh, that's because

that was a safety measure.

What about a Terminator cat with like

endoskeleton and shit?

You're talking about you creating

you create something that's not going to age.

Then you'll never have to worry about your pet.

And then when I die, they just crack his neck.

No, I'm sure that.

They bury him alive with you, like an Egyptian.

Well, I'm sure there'll be a line of people who want to take care of a cat that was once owned by Brian Quinn.

Yeah, but I can't just give one cat.

I can't give Benjamin Henrika the head of the line.

I can't give Benjamin to

just anybody.

Well, I'm sure maybe

I'm sure

in all the many years to come, you'll find somebody worthy to take care of the cat.

Maybe.

I don't know.

Well, also maybe make it so, since we're creating a replicant cat, let's make it so smart that it doesn't even need a human being.

Okay, all right.

Right?

We don't want so smart it plans Q's funeral.

Well, I mean, then we're getting around to why I want to

get dumb-dumb cat.

Dumb-dumb.

It talks to you like Brazil.

Well, dumb-dumb.

That would be amazing.

It knows all kinds of languages and shit.

It's speaking to me like Sanskrit or whatever.

Sanskrit's written, right?

It's not spoken?

Yeah, it's written down.

What's Arameo?

What's spoken?

Aramaic.

I think.

That's a shit like the possessed people are always talking.

Now that we live in a world where you can clone your animals.

Yeah, Benjamin.

Some of us for free.

Yeah.

Are we that far away from maybe not in our lifetime, but are we inevitably going to come to a point where we can create

a synthetic pet that won't age?

I don't know.

That won't, you won't have to train to do potty or anything.

That day's coming.

So it doesn't have to.

Wait, so what is it?

Is it robot?

They have them in Blade Runner as well.

All the animals are.

But it looks, yeah, you don't have to, it comes out of the box train to do what you want it to do and you know they don't have to worry about like you know training it or or like you sit and roll over it just it has all those things but like a Furby yeah the more you interact with it the more you can teach it things but like out of the box it just has the basic knowledge of what everybody tries to teach the basics there's a show there's a show called Black Mirror where it's on Netflix pretty good show and that's basically the theme of one of the episodes where like some guy dies and he they

get the girl a new boyfriend.

He's like in his 20s or something.

And he just tries to appeal to her as the guy would, but he doesn't really know.

Like since he doesn't have any of the knowledge he looks exactly, he has to learn like a Furby.

Right.

And

that doesn't go.

On Black Mirror, nothing ever goes right.

No, everything always goes wrong on Black Mirror.

It's a fucking good show, though.

Yeah, it is.

Would you be interested in something like that if that existed?

No.

You'd want the real thing.

I'd want the real thing.

You'd want to go retro.

Well, yeah.

But there's something to a live, you know, a live cat.

But it's the worst.

You have to clean in more litter boxes.

Or actually, you probably don't clean your own plates.

I clean them.

50% of the times, I'd say.

The other 50 cat shits all played out.

Giddam told me he gave up on it, but he almost had one of his cats trained to go in the toilet.

Apparently, it's not that hard to do.

I would think it's very tough.

But they sell these things that are essentially like litter boxes that go under, they're sectioned litter boxes that you put in the toilet, and the cats learn to shit in it, and then you take out the middle section.

Oh, really?

And then it still shits in there, and then you take out another one.

So it doesn't fall in the water.

And eventually, well, eventually, there is nothing there, but the cat's trained to go in the toilet to piss and shit.

And then you just flush it away.

That's got to be difficult, right?

Because cats are not easily trained.

Well, it's like it's that thing of you're not really training.

You're just making them.

Because you don't train them to shit in the litter box.

Like you like a newborn kitten, if you put, if you will, maybe not newborn, but like, you know, like a three-month-old kitten, you don't, if you just show it where the litter box is, it will automatically go there to shit and piss.

You never have to be like, this is where you go.

Why is that, though?

Because they have an instinct to bury.

Yeah.

It's ingrained.

Yeah.

It's again, as it would be against nature for them to do it and make a mess on your

kitchen floor.

They do it for reasons, but it's very rare.

Yeah.

Can you imagine your cloned cat

shitting all over

i mean i hope like when he would know he would know who he would know because you know how they they injected it in just the dna into an egg

and then the egg just fertile you know grows and a cat egg cat yeah female cat egg

any egg no

chicken cat

that's what that's what i would be interested in what is combining

yeah combining two species into a into a new pet if they're willing to do it for free can you ask them about maybe combining like

some sort of like creating a hybrid of sorts?

We can ask them.

We'll get them on.

I mean, I don't know if I mean, I know I probably are again I don't but is there any laws other than the laws of nature that they're breaking?

I know you can't.

Can I make a turtle dog is what I'm saying.

Don't with a shell.

I know there's laws against cloning humans, but you gotta imagine that's been done already, right?

Who broke that?

Who?

I mean, come on.

So you think there's clones amongst us?

I would say that they were.

Or did they achieve it and then kill the clones because they didn't want to get caught?

Keep your mouth shut.

Does a clone have any rights?

I would say so, yeah.

Because it's basically in vitro fertilization, right?

Like, it's like.

Remember that test tube, baby, what a big deal it was?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think, because it's a natural natural process.

It's just the

initial thing is.

So you don't clone it and it's automatically like a fucking

20-year-old.

No, it has to grow from just like a normal

human being.

How has it not been?

Like,

how could it have not been?

I would think that that's crossing,

as a scientist, though, that's crossing a line that is very difficult to cross, knowing that, like, you

know, how much shit you're going to take for doing it.

Yeah, but so?

Well, that's why they stick to like...

The shadows?

No, they stick to like sheep and rats.

Right.

But But you don't think this is

some fucking

hot shots that are like, I got to be the first one to clone a human.

Yeah.

Stephen Hawking.

Like, I got to do it first, even though it's against all the laws of nature and man.

I don't care.

Yeah, I need some press.

No, they don't want press on that.

Well, I mean, I think the research is like they're cloning human body parts.

So what they'll do is like if you need a heart, they'll clone your your own heart to put it.

But how do do yeah,

I'm not smart enough to know how is it that they can just create that one body part without the rest of the body around it.

They grow it like on like you've seen those rats.

They're like,

yeah, but now they can 3D print ears and shit like that using bioorganic material.

Yeah, but that's just for that's just for aesthetics, though.

It doesn't work that ear.

But I mean, that's a starter.

It's just a fucking wax ear.

No, no, no, no, no.

They could actually make human wax ear.

What's up?

You want me to look at it?

It can't work, though.

It may look good.

but it can't possibly be the 3D printer.

That's like saying if you print a 3D printer of a gun, it can fire a bullet.

Sure, it can.

Yeah, they do.

Oh, absolutely.

It has to be put together, though.

But it'll just be the outer shell of a gun.

Absolutely not.

They can 3D print moving parts inside of things.

That lungs crossed.

That's gone.

So if you 3D print a car,

it has a combustible engine.

That might be at this point.

I don't have to put it together.

That might be

a little more advanced at this point, but I know for a fact that they've

3D print an Xbox.

It's going to work like an Xbox.

Well, an Xbox is electronics.

I think that's different, but I don't think we're far off from it.

That's the look I gave his mom.

Man, this is

rolled my eyes.

3D bioprinting of tissues and organs.

Could they 3D print a giant cock and

attach it to you if you had a microphallus?

Here.

Well, I've never can do that then.

Functional

if you had the need for it.

Some guys don't.

Yeah, we know.

Yeah.

So far.

Shut up, guys.

I got my 3D printer going 24 hours away.

Well, you need the tissue.

That's where the hard part comes in.

Yeah, we got to get some.

And would it go?

All right.

And would it get erect?

Right.

I sure hope so, because the one I got now.

Researchers in North Carolina have announced they have printed ear, bone, and muscle structures and successfully implanted them into animals.

The structures, after being implanted, matured into functional tissue and sprouted new systems of blood vessels.

And their strength and size mean that they could be implanted into humans in the future.

What about a penis?

They haven't mentioned that.

Just Google, what about a penis?

Look at that.

Look at that fucking ear, dude.

It looks great.

It's a good-looking ear.

But do you think a penis would work?

I think eventually a penis will work.

This eventually, like, yeah,

you could get there.

But you think it could get

work as a functioning

like popping rods?

I hope so.

Well, why are you hunting that?

Is there some poor dude out there who's fucking gay?

Because

if I take that clone penis and put it on the back of my ass, it's not like I'm gay.

I can't put your own cock in your head.

It's my cock.

This girl walks in, his legs akimbo with his own fucking 3D cock in his ass.

It's science, bitch.

It can't come.

Don't give me that face.

Don't get science, dummy.

Get out of here, dumb dunk.

You just brought that out of sex shop.

That's a fucking dildo.

It's your early stages.

Eventually, I'm going to get here.

Oh, eventually, Brian.

Everything's always eventually, isn't it?

Oh,

jeez.

We got any ants.

Where do you go?

Do we wish everybody a Merry Christmas?

Yeah, we got one.

It's for

an ant.

Oh, we got an ant.

We've been doing this.

Oh, yeah, we got one like.

Is this for Viagen?

Butterwinks.

It's like a Butterwinks type thing.

I like this.

Someone reached out to you?

Yeah, this is a guy who made my favorite picture of me and Sage.

He took it and he drew it and he put it on a piece of metal, like a metal sheet.

It was pretty fucking impressive.

Where is this email?

He made a sheet metal piece of artwork.

Yeah.

Let me see here.

And he's a long, long time ago.

What's his name?

His name is

shit.

Fuck, I forget.

Mike.

His name is Mike.

Is this the guy that you tried to get into one of the live shows and he couldn't get in?

Yeah, like I didn't have the juice to get him into one of our own shows.

No, you were definitely trying, and then you said, Can you get my eight-year-old in?

Oh, no, that's a different guy.

No, no, no, that's a different guy.

Where does this guy live?

This guy lives in,

I don't know,

I don't know where he lives.

Do you know anything about this guy's business?

No, I do.

This is the colorized version of what he did.

That's colored metal?

That's colored metal, yeah.

But he did a black and white one that looks...

That's unbelievable.

Yeah, it looks pretty fucking amazing, right?

But his name is, okay, here you go.

Need a t-shirt design, logo, mock-up, or custom portrait created.

There's a guy.

Okay, here's where he lives.

He lives in Iowa.

He does it all, and he's offering an hour free to new customers.

An hour?

An hour.

What does that mean?

That's a long time.

I don't know.

You're going going to have to contact him the first time.

Probably the time it takes to print the medal.

Possibly.

Probably takes longer than an hour if he's offering one hour for free.

Maybe it takes two.

He's giving you 50% off.

I'm going to tweet this as well because this is like some pretty long stuff.

Is he sending that medal to you?

I got it.

You got it.

I got it.

Oh, it still looks great.

It looks good on you, man.

I'm glad it looks good.

Yeah, man.

I like Quint.

Here's just swimming with bow-legged women.

Mike Ludwig, email him at MC

at

illpipe design,

I L L pipe design.com

The illustration pipe, the home of diversity and design, crawl into the pipe,

illpipe design.com.

And on Instagram and Twitter, he's at T E S D forever.

This is some guy, man.

Yeah, he's been a long time listener.

Yeah.

Forever.

And so what, you could take like your favorite photograph, let's say,

send him the image, and he'll turn it into some beautiful metal

artwork that you can hang somewhere.

Yeah.

I'll tweet a picture of it.

It looks fucking really good.

I'm on it right now.

It looks crazy.

Did he put it up there?

Yeah, he did.

Okay.

So go to his website.

That way I don't have to do it.

Oh, wow.

Pipe design.

Yeah, he did a really great job.

He really did.

Damn.

And

that's it.

That's it for t-shirts, designs, logo mock-up,

custom portraits, all kinds of shit he's going to hook you up with.

Huh.

Ill pipe design.

Yeah.

Anything, any last things?

Heading into the new year?

Anything, last bit of business?

Anything you want to say as

2016?

Is this the last show of 2016, or do we think we'll do one more?

I don't know.

In case we don't, though.

I could do one next week.

Yeah.

Okay.

We'll save it then.

Maybe, why don't we come with New Year's resolutions

next week?

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you have any in mind?

Not yet, but

I never stick to them.

2016, man.

Fucking.

It fizzled like a fucking wet.

Now Princess Leia may be dying.

Did you see Star Wars?

Oh, I did.

I liked it a lot, man.

I was really into it.

So did I.

I went into it thinking that it was a continuation of The Force Awakens.

Oh, okay.

Not knowing.

So I was really pleasantly surprised and confused.

As the longer it went on, I'm like, where the fuck is everybody?

It was enjoyable.

I really enjoyed it.

I really liked it.

Now, can I ask you a question?

Because we were having a debate about this,

me and Giddam.

The lead.

Yes.

And

Jin?

Jin.

And Fios.

What was the other guy's name?

The guy who was the assassin.

Oh, okay.

I don't remember his name, but I know you're talking about.

I can't remember what his name is either.

Did one of those two characters

have feelings for the other?

I don't think so.

You don't think so?

I think that bullshit at the end, all that stuff going on, was they knew they were about to die and they were just like basic human contact at this point would be all right.

What about you, Brian?

That's kind of the way I felt, too.

I thought that they were purposely not going for the

romance.

Really?

Even though that's what people expected.

So you think that if Cassio or whatever that dude's name was, if he was

let's say he was one of the aliens like Admiral Akbar Planet that he lived on,

you think they would have had that moment

or on the beach?

You don't think that he totally changed his whole

way of thinking based on her with no proof whatsoever?

No, I didn't get that.

I got like they just knew they were about to die, and that was that.

I maintained that I thought that there was some sort of affection for one or another, and Giddam maintained that there was absolutely no affection there for when would they have had the only scene that they were kind of on the same page was when they were on Yavin 4 before they left, and she gave that speech.

Well, no, because he said, like, what proof do you have that your father built this fail-safe device in a dead star?

She goes, I have no proof.

And so he still has his orders to kill her father, and he doesn't.

Why is he doing that if

he's not somehow touched or feels something for this person?

Well, it could have been a dude, and still he might have been like,

he's just going with his gut in sight.

So you think that

they had the same relationship,

they had the same level of relationship that the blind guy and his man servant had?

No, I don't think so, because those guys were clearly together for years and friends for years.

No, no, I'm saying if that was the only person, one of those two guys was the only one left at the end on the beach,

they would have had the same kind of hug at the end.

I think something

to that effect, yeah, I think so.

I'd hug you, Q.

And you were on the beach?

Yeah, take it.

That was a very deep impact type ending, though, right?

That was a look.

You're telling me she would look in a lobster's face like that?

You're telling me like that.

I think, I agree with you.

I think maybe she'd grab his claw.

Do you mean a literal lobster or like an alien?

That alien.

What's his name?

I mean, there may be something to it it that

he was a humanoid.

Yeah,

an attractive human.

That may be.

Who was the robot guy?

The wise cracking robot?

Alan Tudik.

Tudik.

She would have hugged the droid on the droid's hand.

Maybe not the droid.

But the droid's not alive.

Well,

they sure

have personalities, and we love them.

Yeah, but she might have had, I think she would have had a version of that with the droid.

I think so, yeah.

See, I I came down and get him hard.

I was like, I don't think you understand

because he says he doesn't understand he doesn't get sarcasm, he says.

Yeah, it's hard for him to like he says sarcasm is hard for me to decipher.

I don't see

oh, and I said, I don't think I don't think I think some things are going over your head, I go, because how are you not seeing that

while they didn't have time to dev to develop a relationship, there was something more there than just

what was there for the other

went through hell together.

Like, specifically those things.

So why bring him back

into the scene, though?

Well, I'm not remembering when he.

Because initially he looked like he died.

Right?

Oh, that's not surprising.

Yeah, when he fell on that platform and then he killed him.

But why bring him back just to kill him two minutes later, though?

So she didn't have to do it alone, probably.

Yeah, so she didn't have to face her death off.

Yeah, I mean,

that's much.

That would have been a lot more powerful, wouldn't it?

I don't know.

It's debatable, but I mean, I think it's hard to argue with

that choice, though.

I thought it was amazing that they killed him to begin with.

I see,

I'm under the.

But why?

You don't like it if even if, let's say it was.

Why I liked it?

No, I mean, like, even if it was a romantic moment, does that make it less for you?

No, no, I'm saying that I just didn't think Gidam.

I came down on him.

I was pretty rough on him today, saying that

he was basically a droid.

Yeah, I do agree with that, as opposed to every other day for different reasons.

I ought to apologize to him, I guess.

Well, no, you don't.

I'm not going to.

Because in the elevator.

I should.

Not going to happen.

In the elevator when they were going down to their death and they shared that moment where they were looking at each other.

There was a part of me that was like, oh, please don't veer this into romantic territory.

Like, now that would suck.

But then when they got to the beach and died and held hands, I thought they did a good job of avoiding that.

I thought.

You don't think there was an attraction by either of them?

Neither of them was like...

She's hot, so I'm sure he was attracted to her, but you know.

You don't think he was swayed by her hotness to change his whole, like he defied his orders?

No, I don't think so.

So what was it then that made him defy his orders?

I think she planted doubt in his head.

Yeah,

that's what, like I said earlier, like just gut instinct.

He's like, there's something, there's something there that he believed.

Her hotness, it's just like, well, it's a hot chick, so probably she knows what she's talking about.

Or I'll justify it.

No, no, no, I'm not.

You're not saying defy orders for later on down the road.

I won't kill her dead.

He defied orders constantly, though.

In hope of something.

He didn't go.

He had the shot.

He didn't take it.

Then he gets back, and then they're like, well, let's go do it ourselves.

He does it.

He goes and steals a ship.

Right.

You're saying that

there wasn't a little bit more to his decision than being just like, I got a good vibe from her.

Like, I think she's telling me that.

I didn't get that.

No, I didn't get that.

All right.

Giddam didn't get it either.

Right.

Well, you and Giddam.

He doesn't get sarcasm.

Yeah.

Well, I didn't think it was a sarcastic love, no matter what.

He has to get sarcasm.

He has to.

He says he struggles with it.

Right.

He said he doesn't know at all times if it's like you say something sarcastic.

He doesn't know if it's sarcastic or literal.

I wonder if he's playing

fired.

I wonder if he's playing up these autistic-y things.

He doesn't like that.

What?

Don't call into question his

people have said, like, he's a bullshitter, he's not autistic, or aspergers, or whatever.

Really?

He doesn't like that.

Well, I said playing up.

Yeah, he doesn't.

No.

That is the equivalent.

You don't give a shit what get him likes.

That's the equivalent of.

How the fuck am I worried about what he looks like?

That's like saying you're not ethnic enough if you have a certain amount of

then.

Don't ever do that again.

All right.

Asperger-ish.

So I have to fucking just accept it.

You got to dance around his feelings from now on.

I was being sarcastic, then I'm gonna worry about it.

Giddamish.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Sunday, Jeff, he is the best.

Sunday, Jeff, nobody mess with him.

Jeffrey, the phone is ringing.

It's Walter again, and you know how he upsets me.

I'm just gonna tell him that you're sleeping.

It's creepy, and I'm sure you'll believe me.

Cause you're Sunday, Jeff, you are the best.

Sunday, Jeff, nobody mess with it.

We love Elvira, and the simple voice got starved for DVD and pages.

Of course, you wrapped his head up, wrap up here a miss.

In that way, since he was a little kid, he'll burn a church, he'll burn a golf course.

Don't make fun of Steve and Hawkin with no remorse.

And I'll praise him,

know they'll be watching.

The Wizard of Oz,

there's no stopping.

If you ever find yourself in a situation where you're speaking to everyone in the world all at once Just tell them you're normal

He likes to breakfast at Denny's

He always seems to say the right thing

So Walter, he's number one.

Mother, fluttering son of a gun.

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