#316: Grasshead

Did you ever get that cue?

Did you ever get called the genius?

No.

Tomsteve Dave

And um

hey, got a request a blaze of glory.

Go it in.

I don't care what it is.

Tell them Steve Dave.

Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell them Steve Dave, the rock and roll daddy.

How are you doing?

You've been rocking and rolling.

Yeah, I was rocking and rolling.

Went up to the big city, which

I detest.

The big city itself are going the trip there.

Both.

Being there, you detest.

Yeah, I hate being in the city.

I hate

driving into the city when I have to drive.

I hate, like, even if somebody drives me into the city, I hate it.

I just, yeah, something about it just doesn't mix.

You can look across the water and see

from your house, and you can see the city.

Do you hate that?

No, because I'm like, oh, look how far away it is.

Nice.

Good.

I don't know why.

I know.

Actually, I do know why.

It's just awful.

It's just the traffic,

the chaos of trying to maneuver amongst the streets.

And my GPS

is

forever taking me, wanting me to turn down one-way streets.

Well, Tom, Tom?

Yeah, like it says turn turn left, you know, here.

And I'm like, well, you can't.

It's a one-way street.

I can't turn.

So then I'm like.

So you're talking to your GPS?

So then I'm like,

so then I keep hearing the GPS tell me route recalculation, route recalculation, as I'm driving around.

And then it's like, turn here.

And I'm like, well, I can't turn there either.

And then I can't turn down this one because there's so much construction.

I can't turn down this one because there's a giant truck.

And so the next thing you know, I'm a mile away from where I was.

And it's just, it's just terrible.

I I hate it.

You know, the sacrifices

that you have to make, though.

For the kid, and

you said there are 30 bands.

Now, did you watch all 30?

It felt like we did.

We got there, and it starts at 7.

We get there about 5 to 6.

It's cold.

You got to wait out the line, of course.

You got to wait, and it stretches all the way around

the city block.

You've got to pull the Unwalt Flag and card, man.

You got to do it.

And we get in, and

it is a huge,

I don't know what you call it, I guess a festival of all these bands.

And there's three different

stages in the venue.

So all the acts are playing at the same time.

So you've got to, like, so the people there, you got to pick and choose which band you're going to watch.

And certain bands are,

relegated

to, I guess, you know, they're upcoming bands, and then there's some, you know, they're on the little shit stage.

And the big band was

Modern Baseball.

I think that's what it was.

Oh, I love them.

Yeah,

me too.

I too was just like,

I didn't know what it was.

But my daughter's there to see Nicole Dahlinganger.

I think that's how you say it, Dolly Ganger, Dahlinganger.

She is

gaga.

She's got, she made her present.

Like, she painted this

acrylic painting of her.

It looked great.

I mean, I know that's like a dad saying it, but like, I think she can.

You're like, it was almost as good as my Patrick Son's drop.

But

I can say

that she can paint better than I can paint.

Really?

Yeah.

She has a way.

I mean, I know that sounds just like

my kid's a genius.

You know, like, you're, you know, no, I don't remember that.

Did you ever get that, Q?

Did you ever get called a genius?

No.

But

by your parents, I meant.

They had to at least once.

Even mistakenly, talking about a different brother and saying your name.

But, you know, but I can say, like, with no bravado or, like,

she truly has,

I think,

she could do something probably with it,

with her art skills.

She's evolving that quickly.

But she paints this picture.

She also makes this box that has this,

like, you know, calligraphy.

She writes on the box.

It looks like it's printed on the box.

It looks like it was professionally printed the box, but actually did it all by hand.

She has all these, like I mean, she's a pure, she's out and out, like

it's a full-blown obsession.

Yeah, I think so.

Um,

worrisome?

No, no, I mean, no, I mean, come on, man.

Look back at when I was her age.

I had my kiss posters, I had my kiss shirt, I uh I would write kiss on my hand, on my on my four fingers, K-I-S-S.

She's not doing that.

I mean,

what your parents must have been thinking.

They're like, like, do they think, like, the band kiss, or are you just trying to kiss?

Like, I wish someone would kiss me?

Like,

no, I had the swastika S's, so everybody knew

the stormtrooper S's is great.

Everybody knew what the kiss on my hand is.

Yeah, I'm not looking to kiss any girls.

I'm no, I'm not gay.

I'm metal.

But she's so into it, and she

and she,

I think like a lot of people, though, do this.

She's looking for moments too, though.

Like,

she wants like this.

It's not just enough to go see her.

She wants to give her the present.

She wants to.

She wants to have a moment.

And I'm like.

You can't expect that Time.

Like, I'm trying to, like,

you really shouldn't be expecting this.

You really are like, it's hope for it.

Don't even hope for it.

Oh, you're saying don't want it.

I don't, I'm not saying don't want it.

Moments are meaningless.

But, like, because it's so difficult.

You know, it's a, like I said, it's like 30 bands, 20 bands.

I don't know how many it was.

It was a lot of bands.

A lot of people.

What is this girl's

obligation?

The singer.

Yeah.

I mean, she performs.

I mean, that's it.

And if she happens to like, and if she happens to,

if you are able to give her the gift, and if she does say thank you, and you do get to snap that picture,

that should be enough then.

But that might not even happen either.

Which happened the time that I went with you guys?

She was very...

She was very accessible, that lady.

Yeah, that girl.

Very accessible.

And I guess she was expecting that same kind of level of accessibility.

Oh, but it was much more crowded.

Well, it was a lot more crowded.

I mean, it was jam-packed.

I had got, like, she wants to get real close to the stage.

And you're able to just maneuver wherever you want in the room.

You can go real close to the stage if you want.

So she was the second act going on, Nicole Gollinganger.

And

so the first act performed.

And as soon as they're done, she makes her way.

She wants to be right up close.

And I was like, go ahead.

I mean, you're small enough.

Get in between there.

No one's going to, no one, you know, you'll be able to get right up there.

Just use

your size and your pencil-thinness to.

She's slim, that one.

She's wearing black stockings.

It looked like fucking Jack Skeleton making his way up to the

so she's and I'm I'm sitting in the back against the wall, which is like, and the room is very small, so I'm not real far away.

You're writing kiss on your knuckles.

And

I think that I'm the oldest person there, you know, from

my POV.

I don't see anybody nearly as

seasoned as I am there.

Until a guy walks up to me and he goes, Is he now your pal?

Well, yeah, he stands onto the wall and he goes, Um,

I know you, but he really doesn't know me.

Right.

He knows

he's seen the show, but he doesn't know, remember my name, though.

I've done that before.

They're like, Oh my god, I love your show, Walt.

I'm like, Oh, it must really,

which is fine.

And he goes, Uh, I goes, um, this is so cool.

You come out for the show, and he goes, I love your show, you it's a great show.

I'm like, Oh, thank you, that's very nice of you.

And the band hasn't started yet, so I don't have to scream to talk to him.

And

And this guy's getting the moment that my daughter was hoping for

because he's Nicole Darling.

Because he's got me, and now he's not paying attention to any of the acts, and he's talking about comics, and he's talking about Kevin's movies, and, you know, which is cool, whatever.

But at a certain point, there's really nothing left to talk about.

And he goes, so

I imagine you're here for modern baseball.

And I go,

actually, no, I'm actually, my daughter's here.

I go,

I'm just here because she's here.

And he goes, really, who does she want to see?

I go, the one who's going to perform like in a second or two.

And he goes, oh, really?

He goes, what?

And then you're out of here?

And you're leaving?

What are you crazy?

I was like, hell yeah.

He said, yeah.

I mean,

if she's ready to go.

At this age, do you think I sit around for modern bass

ball?

Of course I'm going to.

Guy who's clearly here for the Rock Constance.

And I'm like, why is this?

Like, I know,

I mean, I look like I'm there by myself to everybody, but this guy apparently definitely is there by himself because he has no agenda to

move on.

And he goes, oh, so you're just going to jump.

So you're just like, as soon as the act's done, it's like, hey, we're in the car and we're driving home.

I'm like, yeah.

He goes, and he goes,

I mean, yeah, man, right?

Because you probably like, man, I got to get home, man.

I want to smoke some weed, right?

I'm going to say that to you?

Yeah.

And I go,

huh?

He goes, I mean, you want to get home so you can get, so you can, you know, chill out and, you know, and spark up a joke.

Put your smoke on.

And I'm like, and then I don't.

You just have an inspired character on comic book men.

That's all you talk about, right?

And I said to him, I go,

I go, well, after tonight and after fucking the ride up here, I said, I'm going to have to stop on the way home and try and get a rock.

I said, because I fucking.

And his face was like, he didn't get the joke.

And it was like he had heard something that was like

so stunning to him.

Like, I'm going to call TMZ right now.

Waltz on the crack rock.

And I said, I'm only kidding.

I said,

I go,

I could tell by the look at his face and the shock and the silence that he had thought he had heard something like

super privy.

Right.

You know, like that, that fuck a guy you're like.

You're telling a stranger?

A complete stranger.

He's like, I wanted a moment, but not a moment in which someone

confessed to being a crackhead.

And he's going to drive his daughter home.

I just got to make this stop, Alicia.

I got to see if this guy over here is selling any crap.

Yeah, somebody's got to have some fucking rock.

Somebody's got to, right?

I just got to wrap my lips around that glass stick.

I'm going crazy over here.

Baseball's not on.

I got no cracker.

But the GPS keeps telling me,

top, down, fuck me.

All the way here.

So I go, no, no, man.

I'm only fucking with you.

I said, I don't, I mean, I don't actually, I don't do drugs at all.

I said, I go, I'm.

Now it looks like you're overcompensating.

I haven't done a drug since fucking Reagan was in office, I said.

And he goes, yeah, yeah, right, right.

He goes,

I need a joint, though.

He goes, I need a joint bad right now.

I go, all right, well, I'll see you then.

I go,

why is he telling me this?

Because do you think the whole thing wasn't like

sort of working his way into like,

he obviously has weed with him, so.

I have no idea.

And if you need a joint that bad, why wouldn't you bring one?

Like, why do you go to a concert and not prepare ahead of time with at least one joint?

If you're like, I'm dying for a joint, I need a joint.

I couldn't tell what he was, what connection he was trying to make with this, with this weed connection.

And usually

he's an undercover mark.

Well, that's what I'm saying.

Usually I'm like, you know, my,

I don't like to talk about it or I don't like to, you know, I don't really ever get into my,

I'm very anti-drug, but I really don't like to, you know, because I realize other people, you know, it's your choice.

You do what you want to do.

I don't care.

But like me personally, it's not for you.

It's not for me at all.

I don't have any.

And for my circle around me, like at home,

not a chance.

No crack in the flatting in the house?

Nothing.

No rocks.

I haven't had a fucking prescription.

I was thinking about this after I was talking.

I don't think I've had even a medicine prescribed to me in almost 20 years.

Not even for.

Nothing.

Like no antibiotics, nothing.

I don't think so.

Really?

I'm trying to think back.

I don't think I, I mean, maybe when I had a flu.

Maybe, but it's been so long since I had the flu.

I don't remember the last time I was even at a doctor.

I do,

like four times in the past week.

So I'm really, I don't do any, and I like, I understand that, like, and there's people listening who are like,

it's their thing, but like, well, that's where I level it out a little bit.

Yeah.

So

now also I'm dealing with a kind of a self-image thing now lately with the uh that I'm a goofy fucktard.

So on one hand, I'm like, whoa, this guy thinks I'm cool enough to be fucking

a grasshead.

So, you know, maybe I'm not, maybe I'm not as fucking.

I mean, I'm not cool enough to know they don't call them grassheads, but

they don't call them that

ever.

I've never heard that.

That's literally the first time in 49 years I've heard the word grasshead.

I mean,

Pat Stoner.

Yeah, I didn't cry.

I didn't like, I didn't break out my, I didn't, like, get super defensive when he implied that I was going to go drive home and spark up.

I didn't, like, break out my, like, dude, like, I didn't get all fucking, like,

what's it called

oh like indignant yeah right I kind of was just well that was big of you

I'm sure conversation would have really taken a turn at that point why should I care like he's what if he wants to fucking sit there and have and force me to have a moment right then maybe then why doesn't he get the real me then yeah it's like he's not again like with your daughter this isn't the moment I expected but it's the moment I got still a moment yeah it's the moment I got

I got fucking the male Nancy Reagan in my face.

Yeah, I didn't break it out.

I would have normally, like I said, but now coming off a couple weeks of being

in some real, like, you know,

some harsh criticism, maybe, you know, I took it.

Maybe I'm looking for any kind of like cool

thread.

Yeah.

Right.

I'm surprised you didn't admit to being a grasshead then.

You're like, oh, of course.

I'm going to spark up on my some kind of bucktooth fuck tard.

No.

I mean, clearly you can see I'm not.

Teeth are like this because I smoke too much, Gray.

I'm always like,

all that inhaling is pulling my teeth out.

So she performs, and the guy finally does leave.

And I go out.

He was

on the make to, I guess, locate that elusive joint he needed.

Right.

And then,

you know, she performs

the girl who my daughter's there to see.

And

the merch table

where her merchandise, her shirts and her CDs and her vinyl, it's just this little card table in the back of the room.

That's where you assume that the band is going to go and try to sell some stuff after they just perform, sign some.

Then you realize that's their stage.

And

so I text my daughter, and I'm like, because it's just across the room, I was like, so what's the deal?

She's like,

the person selling the merch says she'll be out in a few minutes.

So I'm like, okay, cool.

Whatever.

Cut to?

Yeah, cut to six bands later.

And I'm like,

I'm texting her and I'm like, come on, man, she's not coming out.

And then she texts me back.

Well, somebody said that she went to see another band performing in one of the other rooms.

I'm like,

all right, well, then leave it with the person that's there

selling the stuff.

Right?

She can't have it be anonymous.

The person selling the stuff was the guitar player or something, or a bass player, or something.

He was cool, and he was like, I'll make sure she definitely gets it.

You don't got to worry about it.

And

I'm like, well, I look at her and she gives me that look of like, I don't want to give it to him.

I need to give it to her.

Right.

And so it's just.

It'd be like if somebody wanted to get something to you and they have to give it to Gidham.

But you know what?

Giving it to Giddam

is going to guarantee it's going to get to me, though.

I mean, he could not not deliver it.

He has that level of.

He would text you immediately.

Yes.

I'd start bothering you about it.

So

then the guy who's behind the merch table leaves, and I'm like, we had a chance to give it to him.

I go, you should have just given it to him.

And I go, we could have got out of here at 8 o'clock.

It's 9.30 now.

It's 10.30 now.

It's like, I go, we could have got out of here.

We could have been done.

And I'm like, the last band comes on.

That's the first time I'm going to go.

How old do you sound when you're like, it's 8:30 already?

That sounds fucking crazy.

Yeah, but she doesn't care about the other bands.

She's not even paying attention.

Her back is to the stage the whole time, and she's just staring at the merch table, waiting for this person to come back so she can give them this present and this painting she painted.

I do enjoy the subliminal merch table ad you keep doing.

Final casts one and two now available.

Yes, indeed.

Second pressings, but these will be the last pressings.

No more after this, huh?

No more.

You know, we'll be offering it

in a different platform.

But

no more on vinyl.

Yeah, not to say on P3 because that's not going to be the way it is.

It's not going to be through Bandcamp.

No.

Well, maybe.

I don't know.

That remains to be seen.

We have to figure it out.

We don't know yet.

But

yeah, merch table, tell themstevedave.com if you're interested.

Order them now.

You might get them before Christmas.

Probably.

What's the 15th?

Yeah, I think that'd be good.

Because March Table is pretty good.

If you're in America, I think it's a good chance.

Yeah, I feel yourself.

I keep getting

emails about the tariffs and taxes and all this other shit.

I mean, we can't change fucking European law, though.

I mean, there's nothing we could do about it.

And I doubt Merch Table is willing to put everything as a gift.

I used to do that for people, though.

Yeah, but I mean, they have a bit.

I mean, they can get in trouble.

I mean, they're not going to do it just because we ask them to.

It seems.

I don't know what if we tell them to.

You can't.

I don't think.

And you've got to follow the rules.

Pretty powerful.

So I say to her,

the last band announces that they're coming on.

And they weren't a bad band.

They were called Alex G, I think they were called.

And I was

kind of spacey guitar.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

And

one thing I will say,

thank God,

my daughter at least likes a harder music than I thought she would,

than a 14-year-old girl would.

And not that it's hard, but it's like at least it's there's at least there's a fucking guitar in it.

Right, it's not like boy band type stuff.

Yeah.

So he comes.

Photon.

Sorry.

So he came out, and I'm like, and then no one's at the merch table.

Tell him stevedave.com.

And

it's the last band, and I say, look, I go, you just got to have to leave it on the table.

I said,

so the guitarist isn't even there anymore?

No, and also what I got to give, I got to give it up to this fucking crowd of kids that were there.

I got to applaud them.

I really, I mean, I really, I take my, tip my hat to them.

They did not, like, like her merch table wasn't the only table there unattended with merchandise on it.

Nobody touched it.

Nobody tried to take any of it.

It was, like, to me, I was just like, man, that's, that's a level of like, that's a level of respect that I, I'm shocked by.

I mean, people were coming up to my daughter and being like, can I get this?

Because they thought she was selling the shit because she was there for so long.

And were you so tempted to be like, just sell it, man?

No, no, not at all.

Well, maybe they noticed you noticing them scowling.

That's why they're like, well, he's clearly like security or something.

No, no, I don't.

I mean, security, believe me, security there.

Yeah, non-existent.

No.

Very, very, very, big presence and dudes that will fucking look that like they will fucking squash you you like a like a bug.

Big burly big dudes.

Big dudes that like when they say yo, you fucking top two and you're fucking standing erect and you're like, I do not have anything.

Search whatever crevice and fucking cavity you want, sir.

Please don't hurt me.

Now, when you say, yo,

I think I know what you're talking about.

I gotcha.

No, there was.

It was

a diverse security group.

Oh, yeah.

They had some Muslims, some Jews, some blacks and whites, a couple of Mexicalis in there.

Don't lie, though.

I mean, like, you have two burly guys, right?

One right next to the other.

The black guy's like, yo.

And the white guy's like, yo, aren't you just like, aren't you?

Don't you just look at the black guy more like he's going to fucking destroy me than the white guy?

No, no.

Like if you were to get into a fight.

Well, not, no, because they're both huge.

And if the white guy is fucking,

everything is tattooed except his fucking eyelids, and they may be if he closed them.

Yeah, He hasn't blinked.

I don't think that there's a chance that either one of them couldn't just

take their fingers and fucking just flick me away to the side.

Could you imagine

they thought you said something that you didn't say just like

Alicia watching as these two just toss you around like a rag doll?

Like one of those, because they always see, like, anybody see those videos where like there's these overzealous bouncers that like punch somebody and kill them with like one punch.

I'm just like, who is that fucking like upset at a door that people are like, hey man, let me in the club.

And they're like, pow.

Well, these guys are walking around.

We were standing by the merch table so long waiting for this artist to come back to the table that at a certain point, like they're like, the music's playing, and like when it's playing so loud,

you could feel it on the ground moving a little bit, like the boom.

Right, the bass.

But I felt something else.

I felt a weird feeling next to my feet, like of a, of a, like a boom.

And I was just like, that did not, that did not.

There's no Islamic fundamentalists in the house.

No, no, no.

It was somebody had collapsed

right by my feet.

I told you I needed a joint.

Listen.

Listen.

I look, I'm like, and I'm saying to myself, is that someone on it?

But there's so many people around, I can't tell.

And it's dark.

And I'm like, is that somebody on the floor, like, like, like four feet in front of me?

But I can't touch them physically because there's so many people in the way.

And plus, if I'm going to be moving my hands around as people like,

are all by everybody's butts and everything, and I'm not doing it.

But why are you trying to reach through the crowd towards them?

Because I see somebody on the ground, it looks like, that's collapsed and nobody knows it.

Oh, you're trying to get your camera phone in there to video them?

No, I was going to try to help them up.

Just get around.

That's what everyone does now.

I can't tell you how many videos I see where there's been a major car accident and there's people on the ground groaning.

There's like 500 people with cell phones just all recording like human misery constantly.

And so

I look around and then thankfully, I guess this person's friend, I can't tell if it's a dude or a girl, but it's like, looks like they're like 14,

is on the ground and not moving.

Like, don't worry, it's just a tranny.

Don't worry, Alicia.

It looks fine.

No, no, that's horrible.

But this person, I can't tell because I like it.

It's dark, and I can't tell because these young kids, they like it.

What's it called?

Androgynous?

Yeah, like a very androgynous look.

So

it looks like a bowie look.

All right.

And

they pick them up, and their face, you could just tell by their face, they're like in a game.

You're like, see if it has tits.

Q.

That's uncalled for, right?

Q.

It's got a couple things dangling down here.

Hey, I got a request.

The blaze of glory.

Go it

I don't care what it is.

I'll be happy with whatever I find.

Oh, Horny, I'm dying for a joint.

So I can tell by the look, I've seen that look.

Not very often.

I don't see it very often.

That look

where the eyes

are just gone.

Oh, like that neurological, like blue.

Yeah.

It is a scary look when you look at somebody and they look and they can't.

They're unfocused.

Yeah, they are not on this, on the on this

level of this plane of existence.

They're in somewhere else.

And

everybody is yelling,

get her outside, get her outside, get her outside, she's going to throw up.

Everyone's so worried she's going to vomit, which is a concern now.

And I'm like, too, because I didn't think that.

And I was like, well, she puked all over.

I don't want her puking on me.

We'll ride home.

You walk in, you're like, hey, Dub, I'm a hero.

I saved what I think was was a girl.

Could have been a boy.

I don't know.

It doesn't matter.

The pork's all the same.

And they get her out and they move her away.

So that was like the only time.

And I looked at my daughter.

I'm like, I go, you know, what do you say to that?

You know, she's seeing people pass out now.

She's at a concert where people are passing out.

Right, but it could have been because of

so crowded.

There was a bar there.

Right.

I mean, I guarantee they're pretty stringent with like the bracelets and all that.

Well, this person could have been.

But Somebody was buying it for some.

This person could have been 21.

I said they look like they're 14, but they look people at that point.

Isn't it like once you pass a certain age, you're just like, I don't know, everyone

just looks younger than me.

I have no idea.

And then the fucking act, the final act, announces

this is already going to be our final song.

And I'm like, oh, God.

I look at her.

I was like, we got to go.

There's nothing you can do.

And she starts crying.

Oh, man.

She starts crying.

And I'm like, all right, we'll stay.

I mean, really, unless it's like

Frankenstein or Inagata De Vita or like some

bizarrely long song, what's another three or four minutes, right?

And I said, all right, we'll stay.

We'll stay to the end then.

And then I go, but

like I said, I go, at the end of the song, we got to go.

You got to just leave it there.

And she's like, well, someone's going to have to come back for this merch merchandise.

So we'll wait till they come back.

She's three steps ahead of you.

And I'm like, you don't know when that will be.

I go, I go, we will stay.

And she starts crying again.

I go, we will stay until one of those bouncers over there says we got to go.

Just stop crying.

And so she stops crying.

And the final song is wrapping up.

And then the artist, that artist she's waiting for,

came out.

And thankfully, she

got,

I guess, the moment that she was hoping for.

She looked at her painting, talking.

And the cold girl eventually came out at the end?

At the very end?

At the very end.

Oh, my God.

At the very end.

And she is like.

But is Alicia like, I told you.

She did.

I told you.

No, she didn't.

And thankfully, she wasn't.

But thankfully, I was just like, all right.

I just conceded.

But I was like, I was just convinced that.

Your eyes were looking in a different direction.

I was convinced, though, that it wasn't going to happen.

But she did come out.

She was nice.

Well, she must recognize your daughter by now, right?

Well, it's only the second time she's seen her.

Think about it.

Oh, that's true.

Well, I mean, you had six concerts lined up, but this girl keeps getting sick.

Yeah, but and think about it.

Like, somebody comes, like, there's guys who come in here and they're like, hey, I was here last year.

Don't you remember me?

You know, at the store, I came into the store last year, and I'm like,

sometimes I'm like, sometimes I'm truthful.

I'm like, no, I don't remember.

Sometimes like, oh, yeah, yeah, sure.

Yeah, I remember.

How you been?

Don't you hate it when you do that?

And they call you on it.

And they're like, you don't remember.

It's like, well, then why the fuck are you bothering me with it?

That's difficult for me to, like, unless something, like, something

something happened other than, like, we took a picture of it.

If you're remembering one person,

you're trying to remember a year's worth of people who have come through the door.

Maybe some

stood out more than others, you know, for, like you say, for whatever reason.

But yeah, you can't be expected to remember that many people.

There are people that I like, I'm embarrassed when I don't remember them.

Like, I went to an IJ show and there was some girl that was there, and she was like, hey, and I'm like, hey, not knowing where the fuck I know her from or what her name was.

And it turned out like I was on the cruise with her for a week at the IJ show.

And she's like, you don't remember?

I can't believe you don't remember me.

And I'm like,

I'm sorry.

I just, I should have.

Like, I should have remembered her.

Right.

But I don't expect, and I don't, like, I don't have any expect, like, to me, the expectations should be: you pay your ticket.

The performer performs.

You go home.

If you happen to get like a picture with them, great.

But I don't expect her to remember.

She performs all over.

She's got to be seeing kids like this in every city she goes to.

I don't expect her, especially like a little, tiny little girl.

I mean, there must be hundreds of them that she sees, you know,

during the week.

Yeah, true.

Do they all bring her shit, though?

I don't know.

I mean, they should bring her some pretty involved stuff.

Oh, do they?

I think her fan base that are really into her.

Like, there's certain things like she likes, like, doll heads.

Right.

Like, these, like, you know, Victorian doll heads.

You know, and but it was nice.

She like it was like she definitely

gave her enough that like she, she was on the ride home.

She was happy until she got sick.

I guess she was so like worked up.

Right.

She got sick on the way home.

She threw up on you.

You know what I mean?

We had a McDonald's bag.

She was able to fucking like we're in the Holland Tunnel.

I'm like, you're going to have to just do it in the fucking bag or whatever.

There's nothing we can do.

Was she dehydrated, maybe?

Maybe.

I think she was just all worked up.

I think she was just so like the anxiety level of like, she's like, it's not, so the last song is announced, and she looks at me with those eyes, like she knows the last song.

She's like, it's probably not going to happen, is it?

Like, you fucked up.

It's not my fault.

I mean,

I'm.

I did everything I could.

I guess, I mean, I don't know.

I mean,

I could have been one of those obnoxious fucking parents that are like, you know, like that demands, you know, but like, who am I?

Oh, I say here.

Yeah, like, that's not, that's.

I paid money for this ticket.

And that's all you get is the performance.

If you're lucky enough to get something else, then, then, great.

But I don't, like, I could never pull that kind of fucking arrogant douchebag attitude of like, you owe my daughter something more than this.

Do you think you notice it more now being on the other side of the camera, say,

than you might have otherwise?

Because there are a certain number of people, Q, you'll agree with this,

that

feel that

they're owed beyond the product that you've put out there.

Now, tell him Steve Dave, it's a little different because

it's a community, you know what I mean?

Oh my God, yeah, yeah.

I don't feel that way about comic book men, though.

Like when I go to a con, it's a big difference if I see an aunt versus if somebody just likes the show.

And I like that they like the show, but I just don't don't have that same sort of connection with them.

You know what I mean?

Like, I'm probably not going to go out of my way at all.

Well,

the connection's made because

they've watched it.

That's when they hand me $20

for taking a picture like a fucking donkey in Mexico.

People take pictures of donkeys in Mexico.

I was thinking of that the other day.

They pay money to do it.

Like, somebody will paint a burrow.

And that's basically what me and Bian Ming are doing.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're fucking two man.

A couple of burrows.

Fucking jackasses.

But I don't know if I don't think I ever could

pull that kind of entitled parent

card

that I've seen other parents do in other situations.

Not there, of course, but in other situations.

Their kids'

feelings or

Trump,

whatever else is going on.

It doesn't matter.

And I don't think I could do that.

I never have.

I don't think I ever would.

And even for yourself, it never occurred to me growing up.

I mean, it's it's just a different world because people are so accessible via like they might answer you via Twitter or Facebook or Instagram or something.

I think that's what makes it even

you know, as these as

people who are on on like are performers or celebrities or if they when they converse or communicate now through the com internet,

you know, it adds more

expectations, I think, and more

feelings of a connection that

maybe isn't really there, or maybe it is.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Well, like, sometimes people write in their bio on Twitter, like, somebody, you know, a famous person, they like retweeted me on this date or answered me on this date.

It's meaningful, man.

I mean, you can't deny that a lot of you, like, it could be so meaningful to

somebody to have like Kanye West fucking retweet them.

It could be like their whole year, right?

Kanye West, yeah.

It could be.

I mean, it could be the difference between like

it could mean the world to certain people.

Oh, there's nothing I like as much,

Walt, as going through the Audible podcast copy.

It's so succinct.

I mean, come on.

Everybody knows what it is, right?

It's books you listen to on your phone or your...

Do people even have iPods, pretty much?

I have an iPod.

Yeah.

My mother's constantly carrying around an iPod and her iPhone for years now.

And I'm like, why?

Because you don't want to bog down your iPhone with all the music.

But she just listens to Josh Groban.

That's the only thing she listens to.

I don't think he has over fucking 30 gigs of music unless she's listening to it in the highest flack form possible or something.

I carry around my iPod and iPhone.

Do you?

Yeah.

It's not that big a deal.

It's not that heavy.

Yeah, but you don't need both, though, right?

But you're talking about carrying something that weighs, what, like

four ounces?

Maybe.

And you're making it sound like she's like carrying.

Oh, I haven't mentioned her Kindle, her Nook, her fucking laptop, her second laptop, her iPad, her fucking Amazon Fire, whatever the fuck.

Yeah, her parasitic twin.

She's, well, she sounds like a woman of the early 2000s.

Yeah, dude, she buys so much.

As if I should laugh.

So much a lot.

You should laugh at her.

She buys so much electronic shit and then it like has no idea how to use it.

Years later is like, oh, that's how you, well, make a playlist.

I guess she is like you.

So,

yeah, it's, it's pretty, it's pretty weird.

But anyway, okay, so Audible.

You can get, you can get it from Amazon or Audible app or whatever.

Well, what do you get?

Membership includes one free audiobook a month, 30% off.

Other ones, free apps, download and listen.

Come on, you all know what it is.

Stop making me say this over and over again.

You can send books to people, you can share audio excerpts from your favorite listens with anyone.

Can you imagine clipping something?

Like taking the time instead of just telling someone to clip it.

Maybe it's easy, I don't know, and send it to somebody who's like, you got to check this out.

Well, I would be, what about this

as a Christmas present?

Could someone buy somebody a free, like their first month of Audible?

Yeah, probably.

I don't see why not.

People were doing that with the

Christmas, the Telham Steve Dave Christmas thing.

They were gifting it to each other.

I thought that was really nice of people.

It is.

But Audible isn't a one-time thing.

Oh, like people are like, now I'm on the fucking hook every month.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Yeah, I don't think people will be gifting that.

I mean, unless like...

There's got to be an innovative way to gift

the audio book to somebody this Christmas.

Yeah, just go and tour in it.

No, no, no.

Show to go sign up for using our code.

Right.

And then

gift that membership to a loved one and bring the classics to life for them.

You don't love them so much that you want to get them a ring, but you love them enough that you cut them the audible, don't you?

You know how many classic books I've never read, but I would like maybe to hear?

I find myself getting distracted very easily, like when I try to listen to books.

The last book I listened to that I was like, like riveted the entire time was Norm McDonald based on a true story because he reads it.

I cannot, I'm not just saying this because it's audible.

I can't recommend it highly enough.

It's so fucking funny.

I think I also, the last audiobook I listened to was by a comedian.

I brought Jim Gaffigan's Dad is Fat.

And you're expect, it's a different type of read, though.

It's not like him doing a stand-up.

So there's no, like, there's no audience, there's no laughing.

So it's a very different experience to him reading his book than him like buying one of his comedy albums.

It's different.

I'm not saying it's bad, but I mean, it's definitely, it took me a while to get used to.

You know, there's a different afflection of the voice

rather than doing his stand-up routine than him reading his book.

Did you like it?

I did like it.

I mean, I could have got rid of it, but I kept it on my iPod.

I'm surprised you didn't send any clips to me.

I just figured out a playlist about a couple months ago.

You figured I knew how to do clips.

Yeah, it's true.

In 2026, I'll expect a Jim Gaffigan clip.

Well, where do they got to go?

Where do they got to go?

Shockingly, I don't think it says it on here anywhere

with all this shit.

I'm sure it's Audible.

I'm going to go to the Audible.com slash T-E-S-D.

No.

Audible.com/slash T-E-S-D.

And for that, you get the free audio book and a 30-day trial.

It's pretty worth it.

I I like it.

Oh my God.

Speaking of like on the level of like,

I don't even know if it's appropriate because I don't have stitches, but I'm the Kanye West of the stage.

But I saw something that almost brought me to tears in terms of

fan-celebrity

connection or something.

I was watching Monday Night Football, and there was a before the game, they had a story about a kid, like a nine-year-old boy, who has

his body's being ravaged

in his head and in his spine by tumors okay I thought you were gonna say by like some child molester when you said his body was being ravaged I was like oh shit where's this going why would they talk about this

I don't even know why your mind goes to that immediately

but he's a big New England Patriotist especially Tom Brady fan I mean well one in a million huh well I mean this is on the level well you know what he's gonna put he's gonna make you go like there's a different, there's another level.

Right.

And he loves Tom Brady, and he

is adorable, though.

Adorable little kid.

You know, talking, like, they're showing you videos that he sent Tom Brady about inspiring him, what the battle he's going through with the cancer, and he's got all these surgeries on his brain that he has to have.

Right.

And his doctor's being interviewed, and

the doctor goes,

I was,

you know, literally literally brought to my knees, shaken when,

you know, I got a sexual innuendo going on here, dude.

When the kid, the little boy, said, while you have

my head open and you're performing a surgery on me,

can I request that you carve into my skull

Tom Brady's number?

How old is this kid?

Nine.

That's maniacal.

That's not fandom.

That's crazy.

No, he wanted to do it as like a way, like some sort of like totem almost

to like help him with his fight.

So the doctor.

Oh, he thought it would be a good luck charm.

Yeah, so the doctor was like, it can't do any harm.

It can't hurt him or anything.

And so I'm thinking, like, well, why don't they just tell him they did it?

Right.

And then fake the x-ray.

Like, you know, just like the phone.

It's just way easier to etch it into his head, probably.

Yeah, but they took like the stencil of like to like, it wasn't just a number 12, like a generic number 12.

They took, they had the picture and they kind of like put it like, you know, like in a, like when you have an overhead, overhead projector, and they kind of put it on, and they put it onto, put the image onto his skull, and they carved it into his skull.

That's nuts.

I mean, but like, that is nuts.

And then they show him the x-ray of it, and it's like, and he's like super jazzed about it.

And then they show him like

Tom Brady getting the video of this happening.

And of course, he's like, you know, you got to come see me.

You got to come to a game.

And they show, like, you know, they don't, they show you stills, which I thought was really classy.

Like, they don't show you,

they don't have video of what, like the real, what was going on in the room.

Right.

They have stills of him hugging him and like ravaging him.

And I was just like, I'm watching it.

And I'm like.

You started welling up?

It was crazy how just how touching it was.

And then they show you that night, like this had happened like previously.

That night, the boy was at the game, and

he's not doing as well as, you know, as you're hoping.

And he now has to go.

He has has to, he's in a wheelchair now, but he's at the game, and fucking it's so cold out, too.

Like, the Patriots play outside on a Monday night game.

Oh, my God.

This kid's on the sideline.

It's got to be like fucking two degrees.

Just so you know, right now in Jersey, it was like 10 degrees today.

And it was like, wasn't it feel like horrible?

I want to shoot myself.

I know it would be easier to get on a plane and go to Florida than actually committing suicide, but I step outside and I'm like, oh my God, I can't take it.

Now, think about this.

It's 9 o'clock at night, and the game's not getting over to midnight, and that kid's going to sit on the sidelines and root for Tom Brady.

And Tom Brady had an amazing game.

So, this kid must have been so psyched.

I mean, what a, to me, it was like one of the, like, like, there's so much shitty things going on about celebrities and everything, and about football in general.

But that was a great story.

Well, of course, it's Tom Brady who's going to do it, though.

Like, he's

not Tim Tebow.

He's no Tebow.

Like, in terms of, like, you don't, I mean, I'm sure he's still a great dude in terms of like charity.

I don't know.

I have no idea.

I mean, he's not particularly known for it.

Or maybe he is.

I just, I'm not aware of it.

I just happened to be watching, I never watched a pregame of anything, but I happened to be watching this one, and there was a story that,

I mean, I don't know if that's something he does commonly or

he did it just because of how powerful.

He's like, every time a kid gets my number etched into their skull, he's like, I'll take a moment with him.

I'm like, and I was given, I mean, I had to, I like, talk about that guy that fucking that fucking got tattooed.

Um, you know, TSD makes the world takes.

Right.

I mean, he's a perfect health.

He got a shitty

hockey jersey with the wrong name and too small for him.

But see, I respect that guy.

I respect that guy more than I respect Tom Brady.

But I mean, I mean,

so if anybody's

ever, ever considers

ever having a surgery and you ever get TSD, like carved into a bone?

We will, we will fucking treat you right.

Yeah, we'll give you a Tom.

We'll let you sit out in 10-degree weather for three straight hours.

That's fucking crazy, man.

But, like, what do you, I mean,

I mean, this is a dude, too, that's like at like

Tom Brady is on another level.

Like, you can't,

he's on a level of like.

He's like a rock star of rock star of football players.

Rock star, yeah, definitely.

Like an iconic person now, where he will go down in history as

one of the greatest all-time players at his position.

It's arguable, you know, some will say Montana and

Manning.

Who's that Dallas guy, too?

There was a guy in Dallas.

Troy Aikman, Roger Storbach.

I mean,

these guys.

But

he's on the list of all-time, like maybe the greatest ever.

And then to put all that with like those looks,

this is a

girl and the money.

This is a dude that is fucking blessed beyond blessed.

And you got a kid.

That's how you know there's no God.

Because you got this fucking guy over here.

You're like, he wants for nothing.

And there's a fucking sickly nine-year-old in a wheelchair, freezing his fucking balls off with a fucking big incision in his scalp.

And like, I don't even know if I'll make it through the game.

My lifespan could be that short.

But I also don't want to, like, just you just don't want to say that, like, you know, Tom Brady out of, you know, popped out onto this planet, you know, and was, and did everything that he did with absolutely no effort.

I mean, there's plenty of like,

like, super, super hard work and dedication and determination and just

to over and over perfection

that you just, it just doesn't come from, you're just not like, that's, you just can't have that despite being lucky.

You got to work at it, too.

Well, yeah, I mean, it's a combination of luck, talent, the right time, the right person.

Yeah, being with the right team and being with the right coach, you never, yeah, who knows what would happen.

Yeah, having the right, you know, the right parents who, you know, but what does it feel like to fucking get a video and have someone say that to you like a kid?

It's got to be

anyone that's a sick kid from Come Steve Dave that we could we could look like champs

is that where you would like where do you draw the line in terms of like hey it would mean so much if you could do blank like we get invitations to weddings I don't want to I don't want to go to weddings almost weekly I don't want to go to weddings of people I know let alone people I don't know.

That's not going to happen.

We got an offer as the comic book men to go do a birthday party in North Carolina.

And the fucking woman was that it was some kids' party who like Homapoke men.

She was fucking like Michael Corleon.

She's like, my offer is this, nothing.

Because she's like, no money, no flight, no lodgings.

But he loves the show.

Now, this is the parent you're talking about.

He loves the show.

Like, why wouldn't they just do something like that?

And our manager is like, are you going to go?

Oh, fuck.

I never heard of this.

No, it never made it to our table because the lady was like,

she did, you know, she was going to offer nothing for us to go to a kid's birthday party.

Basically, like, I mean,

you don't fly, so what's it, like a fucking 12-hour, 10-hour drive, whatever.

And it's also just like, why?

Like, why?

Why would we spend our time doing that?

Like, do you realize everyone here has a family of their own?

I mean, you know what?

That's where that entitlement comes in.

But if I was, like, if I happened to be in North Carolina and like,

and let's say the kid was like, not like that, not that gravely ill, but like, you know, something was wrong or, you know,

after seeing that,

but I would want to make sure, damn sure, because people come in here with their kids and they're like, my son loved your show.

Say hello.

And they're like, who's this?

Yes.

It happens.

It happens a lot.

And I'm like, this kid doesn't know who I am.

It has never seen a show.

Why are you maintaining that he loves us?

And I know for a fact, I can tell by the indifference in his face, he doesn't care.

That's what I'd be scared of.

I would be so, like, I'm like, all right, I'm gonna go,

I'm gonna make this effort.

I don't even need any money.

I'm inspired by seeing a lot of

things on this Tom Brady thing.

Let's do this, you know what?

What's a couple hours?

And then I get there, and there, and like, and then he's like, and the kid doesn't react, and you're doesn't care.

And then you're explaining to all the other adults who you are.

That would be my nightmare scenario.

Yeah.

That's Bing's dream scenario.

He just gets to fucking show up and tell people about himself.

That's fucking nuts.

Did you see the video of the preacher, the minister guy,

he went to some mall

telling kids there's no Santa?

No.

It's this old crotchety fucking minister guy.

Hold on, I'll look up his

info right now.

What's that?

Because

he's maintaining that kids are more concerned about Santa Claus than they are about the real

shockingly.

Yes.

He's like, it's Jesus's

birthday or whatever.

And you people are.

And he's at the mall.

You just yell.

Like, kids are like, what the fuck's going on?

Like, in the video, you can kind of see them.

I imagine he may be having some issues.

He's an Alaska radio evangelist.

Let's see.

Let's say.

Okay.

So he's a street, okay, an Alaskan street preacher, which means basically a homeless person who rambles on about God.

Yeah, he must be, like I said, even before he even told me, I said he must have some issues.

I thought maybe he possibly was ill, mentally ill.

But I thought this.

I thought it was in Texas.

He invaded a Christmas village in Texas and started yelling, there's no such thing as Santa Claus.

Santa Claus does not exist.

The Christmas season is about Jesus.

The 56-year-old said he went to the mall to preach the real biblical meaning behind Christmas and exposed Santa Claus as a falsehood.

He also shouted, There is no flying reindeer or workshop.

I mean, so he pretty much debunked the whole Santa Claus mythos.

That's dangerous in Texas, man.

I cannot believe.

Well, he's white, so I think that's probably why he didn't get shot.

But he's like, the man you're going to see today is just a man in a suit dressed up like Santa.

He also called out the parents

to stop lying about Santa.

I mean, like you you said, he must have, like I said, he must have some mental issues because how many people you think you're converting with this with this form of

preaching?

Let's see.

He posted a three-minute video of the encounter.

He said he's received dozens of death threats

because of Santa.

He said he made a video while visiting family in Amarillo where he used to run a ministry called Repent Amarillo.

He's not an official pastor, pastor, although he's twice served as an associate pastor and said he does his preaching on the street with his wife.

Betcha, she's a hottie.

The couple preaches a football game, strip clubs, bars, and Mardi Gras celebrations.

We saw that even when we went to the LA, the Stanley Comic-Con in LA.

There were a couple guys out there, and they have

their signs with the Bible verses and shit, and boom boxes with preaching and stuff.

And I always wonder, what exactly is it?

Like, that's like, what is it like in life to find

a problem or fault with absolutely everything?

Like, it's either like in comics, it's like.

Oh,

they were against comics?

They were against something.

I don't know what it was.

They were against something to do with the Comic-Con.

Or you go to Mardi Gras, or you go to, you know, because

it's fucking Samson and Delilah, isn't it?

Sodom and Gomorrah.

Yeah.

Or Samson and Delilah, you know, depending on who your cosplaying is.

But, like, you can see why

some conservative people would be like, this is,

like, why isn't everyone turning to salt?

Because it's, the easy answer is because a bunch of non-conservative people have agreed that in this space, we're going to walk around and we're going to drink and we're going to fly some titties and we're going to throw some bees.

Okay, we're going to vomit and we're going to, and we're going to defecate in the streets and we're going to urinate all over everybody.

And let's have a good time.

Right.

That's just against the law.

That is against the law.

They can't change the law just because people want to do it.

What's against the law, though?

Urinating and defecating.

And showing up.

Are you in New York City?

But in the last where is it?

Las Vegas?

Well, let's say Mardi Graham.

Mardi Gra.

Where is it?

It's in New Orleans.

Yeah.

It's got to be against the law to flash and to to openly

do one and two.

A lot of people puke.

That's an issue.

I guess that's not a case.

But again, you're talking about people who have

a societal contract that if you're going to be in this space at this time.

Now, look, if you're walking down Bourbon Street in the middle of June, flashing your tits, you're probably going to catch some shit.

But people have agreed that during this time...

It's an unwritten rule.

It's okay

this day, but not this day.

Well, this week, maybe.

And not this week.

But not next week.

If you do it next week,

you're going to go to jail.

Well, yeah, you might get in some trouble.

And even then,

as long as it doesn't get too riotous, then

the cops mainly.

I've never been to Mardi Gras, but I've been to the Fantasy Fest with Q a couple times.

It's basically the same thing, just down in Key West.

And it's usually

very relaxed environment.

Until Friday or Saturday, then people come in from Miami, and it's a whole different story.

But

just like that bridge that Quinn was like, you're never going to go to that Berkeley, you're never going to cross that bridge, right, Quinn?

What do you care?

So why would the conservative people care if these people are flashing titties and drinking beers and pissing on each other?

Which I've never seen,

just for the record.

They're so drunk that they're pissing on people passed out in front of them.

I've seen it.

I've seen it on not in person,

but I've seen it on cops.

You saw it on cops?

Yeah,

they just urinate wherever, and they don't even look down where they're urinating, and there's somebody passed out, and

you're getting urine all over.

Again, part of the societal contract that it's like, look, if you drink so much that you pass out, chances, and you're on the ground, chances are somebody might piss on you, even mistakenly.

You just don't want to be in that situation.

You don't want to get that drunk, right?

Yeah, but I mean,

again, society has said you can do it, though, if you want to.

Today's the week.

If you're going to get so shit-faced you might pass out, well, this is the week to do it.

It's like the repercussions.

Yep, it's like the purge, man, the one week where you're allowed to go do this stuff.

And

we have seen, though, that people will take it because they can't handle that kind of freedom.

Some people can't.

A lot of people can't.

A lot of people can.

Yeah.

And then they fucking

wake up in their fucking urine.

Why do I smell so weird?

They didn't see any titties.

No.

I don't recall any titties.

Now they got the beads are all gone.

They got hepatitis C.

From piss in the mouth.

You see it with sports teams, though.

I see a sports team lose, right?

Like a big game.

Right.

And the fucking, they burn the city to the ground.

Usually Detroit.

Oh,

after a championship.

But that same sports team, if they win, they burn the city to the ground.

It doesn't matter.

It's not every city, though.

It's a lot of cities.

I mean.

It's definitely Detroit.

Well the Detroit I mean

I don't know.

I I I really don't know.

When's the last time they won or like a major what was it?

It's probably been a while.

It would be the Pistons.

Early two thousands.

Because I don't think the Tigers have won and we know the Lions have never won.

Well the Red Wings, they won recently.

I don't yeah, but hockey's different.

Although in Vancouver fucking, when they lost the Stanley Cup finals.

They tore it up.

There was some.

Those are Canadians.

Yeah, shocking.

They took a lot of bad PR for that Canadians.

Because you know

they're not known to

act like Americans.

Yeah, like fucking wild animals just because they're fucking team lost.

So, yeah, so what do you do?

What do you do?

I mean, your girls are obviously old enough now, but you're at the mall.

Oh, and this person.

And some fucking weird preacher comes up and starts yelling all this shit.

What's your move?

I don't know if I'd have, I would just be like,

I would just tell them flat out, I was like, this

don't, you know,

this person

is

suffering from some sort of delusional episode.

And

so you don't believe, you can't believe anything he said.

I mean, he's, he's obviously, he's not right in the head.

Right.

And he's real.

And your kids would listen to that.

Depending on the age, yeah.

They're like 18.

Well, hold on a second.

Let me

here's what I'll get a little sample of him yelling.

See what he sounds like.

See how you would because it does.

I mean, he came in hot, you know.

It's not like it was a slow burn.

Hold on.

Of course, there has to be a fucking commercial before fucking everything.

It's the fucking most irritating thing on earth with videos now.

Someone's like, hey, let's monetize it.

And then you got to watch a 30-second fucking commercial.

I don't want it.

I don't want that.

What the fuck, man?

Okay.

Hi, it's Pastor Dave Grisham here for Last Frontier Evangelism.

And today

in Amarillo, Texas.

And we're going to tell the children here today the truth that there is no Santa Claus.

And then this guy's just being a dick.

And he's just talking about Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ.

Jesus was born in a manger 2016 years ago.

He's lucky he

doesn't get his face crushed by some angry dads who are like, folks, my name is Pastor David.

Kids, I wanted to tell you

to your children and tell them there's such a thing as Santa when you know in reality that there are no flying reindeer.

There is no workshop.

There is no

yo!

Where's the yoga?

Where is the fucking yoga?

That's a little clean.

To beat his ass into like into a little bloody pulp.

Right.

Towards the end, a couple of guys went up to him, and they were rather reserved from what I saw.

Because I feel like I have so much fucking anger about other things, and Sage wouldn't even understand.

She'd be like, who's this fucking idiot?

Like, she wouldn't even know.

But there would be other little kids there, and I'd be like, this is the moment where.

It's scary.

I'm going to take out fucking 20 years of aggression on you right now.

It may make things a little bit more scarier as the kids see

another man being stop hitting you.

It may not be the best course of action.

Right.

It would be more for me than for the kids.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

I'm Pastor Dave.

I just want to let y'all know there ain't no Santa Claus.

Because it's all about me.

Right.

Because you have to,

not only are you telling them about Santa Claus, but you have to preface it by saying who you are.

I'm Pastor Dave.

You all know me from the street corner.

And videotape it so he can post it because it's all about him.

I wish somebody had fucking beat the shit out of him.

Like someone had just dropped something from the upper level onto his neck, you know,

some heavy ornamental thing they just bought for their lawn.

Oh, what a jerk.

One of those fucking urns, not urns, like those things that fall on Wiley Coyote.

Oh, those anvils?

Yeah.

They sell them at the mall, right?

Yeah, I'm sure.

Yeah, in their ironworking shop.

What do you got going?

What plans do you have for Christmas?

Oh, I don't know.

You know, regular Christmas shit.

And then I have to leave a couple days later.

We're doing a, me and Ming are doing a convention in Dallas.

What the hell?

A New Year's.

Oh, he's spending New Year's with

half the computer men?

A New Year's, yeah, get it.

A New Year's Rock and Eve with Ming and Brian.

Yeah, it's us versus Ryan Seacrest.

We're going to see who takes the title this year.

I would be surprised if they get Hardwick to do it.

Eventually.

I mean,

he does everything else.

You can't turn on the TV without seeing Hardwick anymore.

You know, he does like little commercials for Verizon or Fios or something like that.

Plus, I find Hardwick ways.

I mean, like,

isn't there any room for a Bucktoothed fuck fucktard?

Sure, right here.

Right here, baby.

Right at the Tomston Dave table.

Is this the only place?

This is the only place that'll have me.

Is this the poker table?

Yeah, December 15th, Rock and Eve.

So you're just going to spend with your mom and dads, up at your mom and dad's?

I don't mean just, but is that no?

You can say Just.

I mean, there's, I mean, that's perfect.

Yeah, normally what I do, I'll probably do the same thing I did for Thanksgiving, although it's going to be cold.

Like, you know, they have an outdoor, like a backyard, outdoor fire pit.

I normally just blaze a big fire and

hang out there because it's too, again,

the house, if there's more than a couple people, I get too antsy.

I don't like being in

groups and people want to talk to you about dumb stuff.

So, yeah, it's probably what we'll end up doing.

And then if I didn't do the con, I was like, maybe I'll go somewhere for a couple days, you know.

But

now at this point, where's the con?

It's in Dallas.

Dallas.

Yeah.

And about you, Ki, what do you got?

Any special Christmas plans?

I took a pill yesterday because I needed a little bit.

All right.

That's pretty cool.

It's been getting better.

I'll be getting better.

I've been doing better.

I will be spending it at home

where that's where it should be spent.

And looking forward to it.

Did you ask for anything special?

Did I ask for anything special?

I don't think so.

I think there's just a couple of hardcovers that I've been looking for.

My mother always puts the onus on the people.

What do you want for Christmas?

Yeah, I think a lot of people do that because they.

I don't feel like thinking about it.

Yeah, but they're also there like, I don't know what this fucking idiot wants.

Right.

My mother's confided in you.

I asked him, he won't tell me.

I can unsympathize with both sides in that.

Nobody wants to give the real thing they want.

And nobody actually wants to try to figure out what the perfect gift is.

They'd much rather just be like,

he's good with a gift card, right?

Right.

Let's just get him a gift card.

Yeah, the one thing that I, that I was like, hey, you know what, this would be pretty cool.

I looked and I was like, holy shit, this is fucking way too much.

Like tickets.

And I normally never go to like any shows, like a Broadway show.

Oh, yeah.

But there's, yeah, there's this, it's, it was from the Nick Kroll show.

It was this little bit they used to do called the Oh, Hello Show with.

It's on Broadway.

Yeah, and it's uh Nick Kroll and uh John Mulaney.

They play these characters, Gil Faison and George St.

Giegland.

They're they're really fucked up.

It's it's really they're they're weird characters, and I liked them a lot.

And I saw it, I was like, oh, that's pretty cool.

They're on Broadway.

Oh, see, it's their fucking $500.

I just went to a Broadway show.

What'd you guys say?

What do you call it, Broadway?

Did you see Q there?

Did you big time him?

I don't think he'd be at this show, though.

I went to see the Rudolph the the Red-Nosed Reindeer, the musical, at the Felt Forum from Square Garden.

Oh, boy.

It was good.

Was it?

Yeah, it was good.

They had

like a 20-foot-tall bumble, you know, that was made, like, you know, it was like mechanicalized.

Like an animatronic?

Well, they had like little

sticks that they like.

They have men with these big sticks that they use to move his arms.

And they push him around.

And

they had the reindeers could fly, which they had people dressed up as the reindeers.

And when they're singing a song,

they're hooked up to

wires and shit.

And they throw them out in front of the crowd.

And it was good.

I had a good time.

Expensive, though.

Like you said, it was

very expensive and pricey afternoon.

Yeah.

Oh, it costs a bunch.

Well, you got four pitt.

Now, are your kids excited to go?

Alicia was.

My 18-year-old shockingly was like, I'm not going to that.

I'm not going to see Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.

I'm like, why?

What's wrong with you, Mrs.

Too Old for Rudolph the Red News Reindeer?

Yeah, I'm not too old.

Look at me.

Look how old I am.

I was the oldest person in a concert the other night.

So I could not convince her to go, so she did not go.

But, you know, me, my wife, and

she's just flat out like, fuck.

She's like, I'm not going to that.

Oh, you imagine

your little girl.

Oh, God, it has to be fucking so hard, dude.

Oh, it is.

But I also, every time, though, I get that feeling of like, I cannot believe this.

And like, this is bullshit.

I'm like, can you imagine my mom being like, when I'm 18, I'm a senior, and she's like, we're going to this root of the red-nosed reindeer thing in the city, and you're going.

Be sure to get your favorite football player fucking number etched in your skull because you obviously are brain damaged.

It wouldn't have happened.

So I got to always

think about like how

what I was doing at 18 and and and I give her that give her that level of

same level of respect in terms of like I can't be upset that she doesn't want to go to it I wish she did but I can't be upset about it even sage at this at this age she's 10 she'll be 11 in February which to me is like with every year I'm like this is getting weirder and weirder that she's she's getting so big and so old, you know?

When she was young and we'd drive around, she'd be like, every time she saw Christmas lights, dada, look, lights, dada, light.

Now she doesn't give a fuck.

Yeah, she's like looking at her iPad or whatever.

And I remember when we were young, we would drive around looking at lights and maybe 13 or 14.

I expressed maybe some slight disinterest in her.

You've heard this story.

Yes.

And the rage.

Like, there was no like understanding Flanagan type.

You know what?

If I was this age, blah, blah, blah, it's like, I don't know,

and like racing like 60 miles an hour down surface streets, like, just

because we're so unappreciative.

But it's just like, bro, come on, update the game a little.

Like, what the fuck?

Like, you want us to do the same shit at 14 that we did when we were six or seven?

That was big, though.

That was like one of the few nights a year we would go out to eat.

Like, we rarely went out to eat.

Like, now it's like, that's all you do.

Is go out to eat or have somebody deliver shit.

I am uh blessed though that uh Alicia

is I want to say that she's not she's definitely not immature.

We have she's never been I've never ever once thought of either one of my girls as as immature.

They felt like they were they had like sarcasm down at like four

and they had uh and they've never been immature and they've always looked at other kids when we've been out in situation where there's been other kids and other kids act like other kids do And I see them looking at, they would look at those kids like, what the fuck is with this kid?

Why is he crying?

Why is this kid acting like a, why is this four-year-old acting like a four-year-old?

They look at me like, what is wrong with these kids?

They've always been very, very mature for their age.

But Alicia has, I don't know whether it's the artistic side of her, but she appreciates like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer for more than

she's enjoying it as a matter of fact.

She's mindless entertainment.

She's looking at it as the art direction.

She's looking at it as the costuming.

She's looking at it as

the effects that they use.

So she's enjoying it on a level, at least where she's getting enjoyment.

She's not just doing it because, you know, it's Rudolph the Red Nose Records.

It's something to do.

Yeah, she can see the

different facet to what we're doing, but Caitlin doesn't care.

What is she into?

Like, what is she?

Caitlin.

Like, what are you.

What is she into?

Yeah, like, what are her.

Does she have hobbies she curses?

So she's just always on the computer

not always, but I mean, yeah, it's hard to tell what an 18-year-old's into.

Right, because they don't talk to her.

What?

Seemingly clothes.

That's all she seems to like.

She likes to go shopping.

Christmas list was all about clothes

and makeup.

Clothes and makeup, huh?

Yeah.

Oh, boy.

Alicia is almost the same exact thing, but she'll ask for art supplies like canvas and certain paints.

Does that make you prouder?

Why?

Because art.

Well,

it definitely seems like I'm not saying that clothes and makeup are shallow.

It's definitely like age-appropriate type stuff.

Yeah.

But you're like, she's younger, and it's something a little less superficial than, hey, the way I'm going to look for fucking whatever reason.

Yeah, I don't, yeah, I don't deny, like, like, if she wants something for, you know, she's looking for

some sort of art tool or whatever, or some sort of art thing thing that she needs to do.

Yeah, I'm not going to poo-poo.

Be like, you don't need that.

You know, I'll definitely support it.

Yeah.

And not just because it's art, but she does also does music, too.

And she likes

guitar.

She does guitar.

Yeah, she likes it.

She plays guitar.

Yeah.

Look at her girl.

Yeah, Caitlin doesn't.

Yeah, I don't know if she doesn't.

She doesn't have interest in instruments or art, but

I don't know.

Some of these bloomers.

Look at me.

You got a female pride in your hands.

Yeah, I mean, she may have.

I mean, she just doesn't voice them, though.

To me, when I looked at the Christmas list that she gave us, it was makeup and

shoes.

Shoes.

Yeah.

Expensive shoes, like Louis Vuitton.

Not that expensive in line with

what you would.

You wouldn't be like, absolutely not.

No, she's at least.

She's reasonable.

Yeah, not out of touch, but like, well, I deserve these.

No.

All right.

You know what you should get her?

I mean, it may not be on her list.

A lot of hot

Yeah, is she into steaks?

No, is she into,

let's see, is she,

this would be good for her, actually, because teenagers love their privacy, right?

Definitely, right?

Yeah.

So why not get her a ring that she could put like on her door?

Like one of the bedroom door?

Yeah.

So like she can see who it is.

Like maybe if it's Alicia, she wants to talk to her, but she sees you, you fucking like fish-eyed,

fish-eyed-looking.

Can I come in?

Yeah, you're like, it's me, Daddy Fucktard.

What are you doing in there?

Yeah,

she could either say yay or nay.

Let's see.

Ring, ring, ring.

We all know what it is, right?

It's a doorbell that you can use the app, and you can look at people and shit and say, like, okay, it's somebody I want in my house.

It's somebody I don't want in my house.

It's somebody I want to try to pretend I'm not home.

What do you got?

And the kit includes a ring video doorbell for the front door, a ringing stick-up cam, the wireless weatherproof HD camera.

Cute, you got one of these, right?

You love it.

They asked if I was white, and that was the only question.

Wow.

There you go.

Nice.

I've never heard such an endorsement.

Host, please share how this can help you or someone you love.

All right.

First off, yeah.

I would have to think of someone that I love that could use.

Merry Christmas, Sag.

Here's a ring doorbell for you.

For limited time, listeners to this podcast will get up to $150 off a Ring of Security Kit.

Go to ring.com/slash T-E-S-D now.

It is pretty good.

It's a pretty good idea.

It's like one of those things where you're like, God damn, I wish I thought of it.

Yeah, like the guy who invented the ring, he's never going to have to work ever again, I don't think.

No, he does.

But they always do, right?

Like these guys, these entrepreneur types, they're constantly like they'll make something and then it'll make a whole bunch of money and then they sell it.

Yeah, and then they'll sell it to, and then they'll try to sink it into finding

the next ring.

Yeah.

And then they blow all their money.

Yeah, so look up, listen up, Mr.

Ring.

Be smart.

You're ready?

Is that it?

I guess that's it for this week.

And then what do we got?

Let's see.

Seven days from now is what, the 26th?

So maybe we'll have one more show before Christmas.

Well,

that's, we'll see.

It's a busy week next week, right?

It is.

Yeah, we'll see.

Maybe.

Never so busy that I can't come over here and

do the show.

I also want to say about, you know, obviously

a different dynamic today.

A better dynamic, I think.

I'd say.

An outpouring, just an absolute outpouring of support and positive vibes after last week's

episode.

It's pretty apparent that

people

love

people who listen to TSD love it more than people who listen and hate it.

There's no denying that.

I mean, I had to

wade through the

love fest for Q that's out there.

Right.

You were hip deep.

Even though I asked, I'm not interested in why he's the greatest thing on earth.

People didn't care.

That's a testament.

Like, you're going to listen.

Testimony.

Testimonial as to how

much people love Q, that they even defied my directions.

Yeah.

They're like, fuck you, won't.

Yeah.

I'm going to tell you how much.

Fuck you, fucktard.

I'm not going to listen to some bucktooth.

You've got no sway over me, fucked hard.

Actually, I'm not going to say unfuckable.

I think that's too harsh.

I'm going to go with unlovable.

Sounds a lot less.

It sounds a lot less.

It puts a better spit on it, doesn't it?

I mean,

you know what?

I think it's the hard consonants that make unfuckable sound so like, oh my God,

that like people think that of me.

But really, unlovable is so much worse.

Yeah.

No, wait a minute, is it?

It just sounds so much, it sounds so much more.

Unlovable means that you might just be like grouchy.

And well, I'm taking it in the strictest way where it's like, like, no one could possibly love you because of the person you are.

Unfuckable is based on like, because there's no like

it's purely subjective.

Like, you can't, like, you could go to, unless you're like fucking the elephant man and you go to a prostitute, somebody's going to be like, look, that dude's unfuckable.

He looks like the elephant man.

You know, I mean, you could always pay somebody to fuck you.

There's always someone just as bad off as you are.

Do you know how awesome the TSD listeners are?

I had two dudes email me and be like, I'm not gay.

I want to get this out of the way right now.

I'm not gay.

But you're totally not on fuckable.

they are so they are so concerned that I may be upset by it that they're like they're gonna email a stranger and preface it with like I'm not gay

I want to let you know that that you're not

here and that is

why

we got a pretty special listener base we're awesome right

I remember writing back and I've been like

I don't know if I should be happy about this compliment or thank you, but

I'll just thank you for listening

because I'm going to ignore that other.

You should write back like you sound gay to me.

No, no,

that's amazing.

And

that's a listener base that is like, oh my God, the guys I listen to are sad.

I don't want them to be sad.

That's pretty cool.

And no, and Q, you should stop feeling sad for yourself, too.

I mean, buck up there.

Everybody loves you.

It's It's so quiet.

Tell them, Steve, Dave.

Whenever you hear me down, something better than all.

But I come back with you no matter what I'm wrong.

When I rise, it out of my feet.

Getting close to what I want the most.

When the timeout comes, I'm gonna piss you around.

But the truth be told, I'm ready for you now.

When I rise, we gotta look at my feet.

Getting close to what I want the most.

This may not be the way things are not

normal, not good for one.

Better eyes be done by me, yeah.

Yeah, this is what I want the most.

Better ask me down to my dead.

Yeah, because you wanna walk the most.

Whenever you let me down, something better comes along.

But I come back to you with my heart wrong.

Better eyes, we know you gotta feed.

Yeah, it does wanna walk the road.

This has been the production of Smodco Internet Radio, sir, only at Smodcast.com.