#312: Tan & Poisoned

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I say you assemble a team of Down syndrome kids, like the expendables.

That's shitty.

That's some shitty shit right there.

Yeah, why are you always at the dumpster?

I just, you know, it's like, you know, if I'm, you know, trying to like

tell him, Steve Dave.

Did you tell him?

Oh, yeah, I told him.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

Or

Space Monkeys, or whatever you want to call it this week.

There's no Q,

so if you're tuning into here, Q,

it's the anti-Q.

Get'em.

And Walt, you're back after vacationing.

Yes.

Q and I did last week, and And what's the world coming to when I'm the only reliable one on this podcast?

This is

dubbed unreliable because I went on vacation for the first time in

two years.

Some would say.

When was the vacation with the cruise where you had to pick up the old lady?

Oh, I had the carrier, you mean?

Yeah.

Because I thought you were talking about my wife.

I was about to fucking jump over this table.

Yeah, man.

I'd like to see you smack him around.

You mean when I saved the old senior citizen?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I guess that was about two years ago, right?

Okay.

I don't know.

But yeah, I consider myself rather reliable.

I mean,

you guys soldiered on.

I mean,

it's good to get to do a Space Monkeys.

I think you guys should do a Space Monkeys more often.

It's cathartic.

Purge ourselves.

Yeah, I thought we, you know, we, of course, we talked about the

what's it, the election.

Most people seemed to be fine with it.

A couple of people didn't like it.

You know.

Oh, you meant listeners, not

the public in general.

The pub.

Yeah,

I mean, you know, we got to.

It's just the way it is.

Some people were like, oh, you know, we go to Tom Steve Dave not to hear about politics.

And really, the only reason we talked about it was because so many people were like, hey, can you talk about it?

Well, I mean, it was the biggest, probably the biggest story,

if not of that day, then if maybe the decade,

maybe the last 25 years.

It still is.

You know, I mean, it was a pretty big event that I think you would be remiss if you guys hadn't covered it the week that it happened.

Well, then you get people that are like, you know, oh, you didn't talk about it enough.

Or like, you were sitting on the fence.

It's like, I didn't even fucking vote.

How can I not be sitting on the fence?

That is the the very definition of fence sitting, is not voting at all.

Yes.

So would you say that precludes you from being woke because you didn't vote?

I'm not even going to.

Yeah, I mean, I know I'm not woke.

I didn't need to not vote to know that.

I'm sure Walt had an absentee ballot

that he sent in

from Florida.

I don't even want to talk about that.

I mean, there's nothing.

You guys covered it all so eloquently last week that there's no need for me to even weigh in.

A lot of news sources were going to Space Monkeys to sample sound notes and shit

just

because we versed it so well.

I mean, when you're in Disney,

you come to.

There is no outside world.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're right.

And it's a nice feeling like

Mickey Mouse is your president.

He's president, yep.

And that's, and he's never going to

say anything

towards another, towards a demographic.

He's never going to offend anyone.

He's not building any walls.

He's got mini-mouse lady.

He's got a lot of building walls to get you into Disney.

Right.

If you got money, and you're going to need a lot of money.

Now that's key.

Vicki is your guy.

As long as you got the moolah, he will make you forget about the outside world.

Right.

And it's worth it.

Right?

Just a little bit.

Well, just forget about the outside.

Just forget about everything that's going on there.

Yeah, I mean, mean, can you put a price on being able to forget about the outside world for

a couple days?

Because

eventually,

you can't stay there forever.

Yeah, I can.

It's about $1.60 a can.

You're in Nutella Ice.

Natty.

Natty Ice.

What's that?

Natty Ice?

That's his beer.

That's my beer you drink.

That's his beer of choice.

That natty daddy.

I got sulfur poisoning down in Florida.

Sulfur poisoning, huh?

So you were.

Jesus, whenever I go.

You took a side excursion to a sulfur mine, I'm assuming, which is the only way I would imagine someone could get sulfur mine.

No, you can get it through the water.

No.

Get out of here.

Don't you normally get that through well water?

Like sulfur?

I mean, if anybody's going to know, the guy who would know is sitting right here.

Do you have a well on the farm?

Yes, yes, we have a well on the farm.

Now,

do you guys have to take the temperature of the water?

I don't mean literally the temperature, but do you guys have to test the water before you drink it on occasion?

No.

Well, we did when we first got the place to get a seat.

Years ago.

What, 12 years ago now?

I was going to say, I walked in on a conversation where Giddam was complaining about the state of the rotten food.

He knowingly bought.

He knew that it was past its shelf date when he bought it.

He eats it, makes him sick, and then he's like, what the fuck?

That's insane to me.

It was one day to its shelf date.

Like one day past it?

No, it was one day two, and then that's why it was 50% off.

But when you have a well,

do you have to make sure you're constantly testing the purity of the water to make sure it's safe?

Not really, because usually

whatever feeds it is so far down that it doesn't really get affected by it.

Is there a hole above ground that you could fall in?

No, it's about eight inches.

Almost like baby Jessica fell into it.

Baby Giddam.

They wouldn't try to save me, though.

They just put me in.

I don't think you get the same amount of news coverage, Giddam.

Really, I think if Gidham fell into a well-year-old man as an adult, yeah.

Because that was a big thing for a little while.

Yeah, but that was before there was 24-hour news, though.

Yeah.

I think you almost had 24-hour news then.

Yeah, that

was the birth of it, right?

Yeah, they were breaking in to the racial newscast networks.

Yeah.

Still, yeah.

I mean, it was a big story that

consumed America.

Because back then, we had more newscasts per day.

We had the 12 o'clock news, the morning news.

We have more than we have now.

No, I'm saying on each on network TV, yeah.

But as going back to the sulfur poisoning, though.

Maybe Jessica's 30.

She's single?

She fell down the well in 1987.

Are you?

No.

Okay, then why are you asking?

Yeah, what do you care?

Get him?

You think you're going to get with a star like baby Jessica?

But did you, have you ever.

When's the last time you were in Florida?

Not this past June, the June before.

Okay, so recently.

Yeah, with it a year.

You could turn on the water tap.

It's overpowering, right?

The sulfur?

No, I didn't find that.

We stayed in

Fort Wilderness, like the sort of, we rented one of those cabins.

Yeah, yeah.

And I didn't find it to be sulfury, no.

But you stayed in it.

You could turn on the tap on it.

I mean, you could just smell the room.

It just smells like burnt eggs.

Right.

And you turn the shower on.

And

by the third day I was there,

I had what you call

the sulfur

icon.

The sulfur shuffle to the bathroom.

No, you know,

it didn't cause me to have to use the bathroom, but what caused me to be was to feel like my stomach was swollen.

And it was a constant feeling of like I had to burp to release this gas.

But whenever, but whenever I would burp to try to release it, it just, it didn't do anything.

And so then I just had to go on a strict diet of bottled water and sandwich, like

vanilla sandwich cookies that were in a package, that were pre-packaged.

I like how Mexico to most people is like, that's Florida to you.

You need bottled water and shit.

Anybody else in the family fall prey?

To sulfur.

Yeah, to the sulfur poisoning?

No.

Shockingly, I was the only one who.

And the girl's like,

of course.

Something had to go wrong.

Well, I didn't let it stop me.

It wasn't like

I was laid up in bed.

I just had to make sure I didn't do anything like cuckoo

in terms of rides or anything because my belly wasn't feeling 100%.

Yeah, I'll say with the well, sometimes you get a heavy rainfall and then you get that smell comes through.

What's causing it?

Like, it's, I guess, like the water going into the.

The water is draining and all the fecal matter from the

manure.

It's like all the water goes into the whatever the well draws from and like it stirs it up.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

I was at the

first day at the hotel.

We stay at the Animal Kingdom, which is one of the

higher-end hotels.

Right.

Very posh.

Figured this is probably the last one.

Fat and the Grand Floridian are the two that are pretty fancy.

And this is the one that you can look at on your balcony.

You could see

some animals.

So you even went for the high-end room, like not one that's looking at the parking lot, one that's.

You got to pay extra for the room where you could see the animals.

I would imagine so.

Yeah, so we did it because it was, you know, probably, you know, I've got an 18-year-old daughter.

I mean,

when's the next time we're going to be taking a family trip like this again?

We don't know.

Yeah.

You know, so we're like, like, I was like, I don't care what it costs.

If that's the one that they want to do, let's do what they want to do

we'll do it now do they guarantee you'll see animals or I mean it's pretty it's it's there's no need to guarantee

so many animals this is to the point where you're like oh it's goddamn animals get out of here no but so

I know this is gonna sound like

I'm brain dead

but take in consideration I've never been to the

Animal Kingdom hotel I've never and I don't know

I I don't know what the, I don't know what Disney has in store for us.

I don't know what new like wonders that they're ready to spring on us.

So I'm at the hotel and I have to bring, like we're going down to catch a bus to another park.

My wife says she forgot something in the hotel room.

I got to go run upstairs and grab it before the bus gets there.

So I'm on my way in and what they have, I mean, it's a gorgeous hotel and they have like these fire, you'd love it, like they have these fires inside the hotel where you could just sit and read a book, and it smells so nice.

The fire just smells really nice, and it's not, but it doesn't give off a lot of heat, though, for some reason.

And there was this gentleman

not affiliated with Disney, just what I thought was a guest.

You know, I still think he was a guest, but

he was sitting there reading a book, and he had this

animal on his shoulder,

and it was tiny.

And at first glance, it looks to be appear to be a dog, you know, like a service dog.

Because I saw a lot of service dogs, right?

That's that's the new scam everybody pulls as well.

Oh, yeah, I wanted to do it.

I need my therapy dog, I need my anxiety dog, or rabbit, or cockatoo, or whatever the fuck.

Yeah, I was going to try to save on

dog sitting and buy on eBay, just buy a couple of leashes that said service dog.

Like those invisible dog leashes you get up in the court walk.

But this gentleman has

what appears to be the tiniest dog I've ever seen in my life, though.

I mean, it's so tiny.

And what's also fucked up about it was that it's dressed in a blue suit, like it has like a weird

Aladdin suit on.

Right.

And it has legs, though.

But when I look at its hat, it has like a

Bellman's hat on.

A fez.

A fez, yes.

If this ends up being an Indian baby, we're finished.

And I thought it was an animal

i'm positive it's an animal but i'm not sure if it's a dog or not i'm like what is that because it's it's moving it's alive there's no doubt about it in my mind that it's alive the way it's moving and it's moving its head back and forth but it doesn't have a dog's face it has almost like a bird's eye and it has a very strange snout that would like doesn't look like a beak though to me and i'm like

what what the fuck is this is this something that disney's now is doing?

Are they creating animals that are like

Jurassic Park?

I'm like, is this a combination of two animals that

sugar glider?

No.

I know some people have.

Do you think I would think that that was a fucking, that looked like a dog?

If it had a suit on.

I mean, it looked, it looked, and the way it was sitting on this person's shoulder was so like regal.

So I'm like, I don't have much time, but I'm like, I can't.

I have have to find out what what manner of creature is this like so i walk up to him i was like excuse me i go

is that a is that a bird or is that a dog my child how dare you and um he looks at me he looks up and he goes and he laughs and i'm watching it and it's moving its head and it's and it's moving its arms like in its

its paws or whatever you want to call them but again it's dressed in like all this blue felt and velvet i don't know i don't i can't tell what it is because

And I can't, it doesn't have an odor either, but it's overpowered by the fire, so I can't tell what it is.

And

he looks at me and he goes, it's a griffin.

Do you know what a griffin is?

And I'm like,

well, first asshole, you're probably talking to the only guy in the fucking hotel that probably knows what a griffin is, so don't fucking be so condescending.

Right.

And I'm like, yeah, because they're so fucking common griffins.

Yeah.

They're all over the place.

And so then I think, I'm like, oh, he's crazy.

I'm just thinking the same thing about you.

You're like, is that a dog or a bird?

And so I said, oh, and I laugh because I'm like, okay, he thinks it's a griffin.

So I'm like, oh, okay.

And he goes, a griffin is a lion and an eagle mixed.

Right.

Like real, like, a jerk kind of like tone.

And I'm like,

yeah, I know what it is.

I go, obviously, it's not a griffin.

I go, I go, all right.

And so I go to turn away.

And he goes, it's a puppet.

Like, I was an idiot.

Like, he was so annoyed at me.

And I'm like, and I'm on a B-screen.

I'm like,

fuckhead,

you want the attention of having this fucking thing on your shoulder?

And yet, when somebody comes up to you and you're like, what is that?

You're annoyed by them.

Right.

And this is a guest because nobody who works at Disney is going to treat you like that.

Yeah, it had to be a guest.

So it's definitely a guest.

And it's definitely a guest who's like, hey, I know.

But when Kevin and I used to work at the store, people would come in.

Like, some people would have snakes or birds.

Like, there's that extra attention factor that they're looking for.

They can't just have a snake and keep them at home.

Got to bring them to the store.

This guy has his fucking puppet, whatever the fuck it is.

Out of his pocket, he pulled a remote control that he was making it move with his hands, or making his hands in his pocket.

So this thing was basically like, it's something like out of Westworld.

It was that realistic and moved that, like, you know, with the handheld

device that he had in his pocket, he was able to make it do, like, move its eyes.

But he was so angry at me for believing that it could be be a real animal.

Like, he was so annoyed that I asked him about it, though.

As opposed to, like, wow, I did a pretty good job.

Like, this guy thinks it's real.

This wasn't the fevered dreams of too much fucking sulfur in your system.

This was, again, this was the first day I was at the hotel, so

the sulfuritis hadn't.

So it kicked off with

it kind of put me in a bad mood.

The girls were going home.

You know what a griffin is?

But yeah, like, it was just kind of like, I thought this was the happy place.

This was the magic kingdom.

Like, why?

You should have smacked it right off the shoulder.

I had wonder in my eyes right off the bat.

So I'm like,

this is amazing.

This fucking is amazing.

This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen.

Whatever this animal is on this guy's shoulder.

Like, Trunk could be dictator for life, and it wouldn't matter because you're like, this is fucking awesome.

They're creating new species.

And like these docile creatures that you can clothe.

They'll sit on your shoulder.

Nope.

Nope.

It was a puppet.

I was a puppet owned by some douchebag.

And I had to be

made to feel like a tool for asking about it.

Yeah.

Like a heel,

like an inferior.

And then I got a bad head cold on the way home.

Yeah.

But I did find

the highlight definitely.

Well, I don't want to say the highlight.

There's a lot of highlights, but one of the things that really tickled me, and because I hadn't sat in one in almost 20 years, was we found a Ponderosa on the way down.

Oh, my God.

Getting talked down to by the assholes seems like a highlight prepared to go into Ponderosa.

Oh, it was awesome.

It was so good.

Ponderosa.

It was so good.

I was like, I saw it and I was like, I want to stop there.

I want to stop there.

It's like your cafeteria for steaks.

And I finally was able to convince the girls, you know,

if I let them do what they want to do

one of the days that they would eat at the Ponderosa.

So we ate the Ponderosa.

It was good.

You pushed me around in this wheelchair because I'm sulfur poisoning.

And the Ponderosa worked out.

And it was really, really, it was like one of those things where it wasn't going to live up to the heights that I talked it up to them, but everybody loved it.

I was going to say, when's the last time, like we used to go up in, I think it was in Edison where Kev used to go in there.

And then there was one in Middletown for a little while.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

We loved it, man.

I'm talking about me, you, and Kev.

Yeah.

Like,

the potatoes were exactly as I remembered them.

Even though I knew

it took a bit, I knew that those potatoes were made with sulfur water.

I was like,

I'm already fucking diseased with it already.

I don't care.

I'm eating as much.

Like, if you had lung cancer, what's one more cigarette?

You may as well just eat the potatoes.

Exactly.

I'm surprised that you were up up close and personal with these animals because

you had the opportunity to have a free animal at your house today.

And I understand you ran away.

I don't care how this makes me sound, because I know it's going to make me sound like I have I have two lips.

Four lips, I should say.

I don't care

how bad or how gross or how

unmasculine this makes me sound.

This morning, I have a wood-burning stove,

and I heard the telltale signs of some scratching inside of it.

And then, one other time earlier this year,

a bird got stuck inside of it, sounded exactly like that.

And

so, what we did last year was we called some animal control guy out to come out, and

he took the bird out, rescued it, let it go.

So I'm under, you know, I text my wife, and I'm like, there's another bird.

There's another, that's coming.

That text is coming.

I tell her that there's a bird in the, or something in the wood stovepipe again.

So she texts back immediately, I'm at work.

I creature with you and your ornithobia.

What's that?

Ornithobia is.

Scared of birds.

Yeah.

I'm not, you know what?

I didn't realize I was scared of birds until later.

But anyway,

so I go about my business.

I go get dressed.

I'll have to call someone when I get home.

I'm at work.

Oh, very curt.

That's the tone.

I'm just giving a heads up.

I'm not saying come home now.

I'm not saying leave work immediately.

I'm not saying this is a 411 and 911.

Take the girls out of school.

I'm going to set the house on fire and leave.

Just so you know.

So I go get ready.

I go get dressed.

and my

bag,

my bag, which I carry all my stuff in, is in the room where the bird is, in the stove.

And I open the door to go get my bag, and I take one step in, and I'm like, I don't hear anything in the stove.

And I'm like, well, hopefully he got out.

Then I hear an even stranger sound, and I'm like, what the fuck is that?

I go, that sounds like that's right by my ear.

I look over to the side, and I like on the couch is this is a griffin

no not again

is a fucking rat with wings

just like flapping those wings so violently but so panic like yeah trying to get trying to get trying to get like banging into the window falling banging and then hitting the couch doing it again again and I'm like and you know like I said I told you like it was like that fucking Hitchcockian like that, that, when the camera

and like Jaws when he yeah, yeah, and I see that, and I'm like,

I slam the door, and I'm like, what the fuck?

It's in the, it's in my, it's in the house, it's where I, it's where I watch TV, it's where I sleep sometimes.

Tell me, it's in the house, and I, yeah, so I'm, I, I'm like fucking

beside myself,

and I type uh to my wife, um,

I want a divorce.

We can deal with this bird.

I don't know how, but that fucking thing is in the room.

It's bizarre.

If I, it got out of the stove somehow.

It's up against the window behind the couch, flapping like crazy.

These are all like one right after the other.

This is not one text.

Oh, yeah.

It's like 12 texts in a row.

Who can I call?

Who can I call?

Who can I call?

And then finally, she calls and she's just like, it's a bird.

Go get it.

And I'm like, I can't go get it.

It's out.

I go, I cannot.

I go, I don't know if I could describe to you how repulsed I would be if I went for that bird and that bird's like crazily rapid wings touch my face.

Well, just feathers, right?

Oh,

it's literally as if like the fucking, the alien is touching your body or something.

It doesn't have hands.

It has wings.

It's just so...

To me, it's like, it just sent like shivers through my entire body.

The thought of this thing like, like, spazzing in my hand, and like getting out and touching me and pecking at my face or something.

Hurting the moneymaker.

I'm not worried.

Believe me,

I know I don't.

Like, it could fucking, it could rip my nose off, and it would might be an improvement.

I'm not worried about my fucking looks.

I'm worried about a fucking piece of vermin attacking me or putting its vermin-esque

features on me.

You know, to me, it would repulse me.

So I call Animal Control, and they're like, well, we could be there by five.

Cost is $295.

I'm like, all right,

I don't care.

Whatever it takes,

I'll do it.

They're plus $5 for the mass and go.

We're going to bring you.

So then

I'm like, you know what?

Gidden works on a farm, and he talks about fucking killing animals all the time.

Not that I want it killed, but this guy doesn't seem to have an aversion to putting his hands on animals and taking the life out of them.

So if I ask him to remove it,

maybe he could do it.

So I call him and

he's there within a half hour.

So not only, he calls me and he goes,

you have experience with wildlife, right?

I'm like, okay, yeah.

He goes,

there's a bird in the room and he's trapped.

I go, well, just open up the window.

He goes, he goes, I can't get a ladder and go up to the second floor and open the window.

I go, from the inside.

He's just like, I can't go in the room with it.

So you don't want to go just in case it went after you.

I don't have a ladder to go on the outside and open it.

But you would have to open it from the inside.

I would have to go in and open it up from the inside.

And there is not.

And I saw it.

I don't know.

Like I said, I don't care what anybody says.

I don't care.

I don't care.

I was aghast.

It's a total invasion of like, you feel violated.

Like, if I see a bird out, when I see it, when we walk outside tonight and we're leaving, if I see a bird, you know I'm not going to freak out.

But the fact that it was in my house.

In your space.

Where my children sleep.

Oh,

I was beyond, I was just out of it.

And he get him, came down.

I was waiting outside for him.

And he came over, he had a towel, walked up the stairs

where the room was, and he got it out.

Like I said, it was that scene from Ghostbusters when they pull up to that hotel and that manager's just waiting out there, like, oh,

we have a dinner tonight.

We must clean up.

No, it's a real toss-up, having a bird or Giddam in your house.

Well, I've had a Giddam in there.

You're like, at least he has hands.

He doesn't normally touch him.

He doesn't flap like a maniac.

But he came in, he got that bird, and he had that bird out of the house within less than five minutes.

And I was like,

that's built a lot of

goodwill and a lot of he could, you know, he's built himself a good bank of.

Yeah, he's banked a little the goodwill.

Yeah, yeah.

Now, did you let it go or did it it immediately go into your lunchbox?

Somebody go out to lunch afterwards, so I was like, okay.

He came out of the room with feathers in his mouth.

Like a cartoon cat.

Walter and Carol.

Yeah, get up.

Now, I did overhear you saying there are certain...

Like if Walt had called and he's like, there's a raccoon or an opossum, you're not showing up.

Yeah, no, you're not showing up.

No, no, they're too big, yeah.

But you will show up before a mouse or a rapper.

Yeah, a mouse, yeah.

Like mouse rabbits are easy to catch.

Well, why couldn't you just like shoe a raccoon out?

Like, you don't have to pay.

Oh, okay, I chase it.

I chase it.

I'm not going to go.

I'd pay to see that.

Like, Rocky chasing the chicken?

No, we had it at the farm the other day.

It was a big, huge raccoon.

I chased it up a tree because it was, like, in my way.

Maybe in your way.

I was trying to go out to feed the horses, and there's this big raccoon just sitting in the middle of the walkway.

What time of the day?

It was night because I had my headlamp on.

I was going to say, chasing a raccoon in the middle of the day.

See, it was not long for the world.

So I chased it, you know, I just started yelling at it and it ran up a tree.

I don't know.

There's something that

I take

pride in, that like

you would call me for a problem with a human being.

You call him for a problem with Vermin.

Yeah, well, he goes, how could we even call Brian for this?

I was just like, Brian's not the one to handle this.

You're the only man on my fucking phone that I, like, there was not even a second hesitation

who I'd call in this instance.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's not Brian Johnson, it's not Jeff.

It's not Mike.

It's Jeff.

Because I handed the phone off to Mike.

Mike hands you phone, Mike goes, you got to go to Walt's house.

What you do it?

But he did.

Like I said, now you've earned yourself a good chunk of goodwill.

Like today,

didn't say much to you, right?

Today?

No.

Right?

Yeah.

Was he fucking up?

No, I sat down for like five minutes.

I didn't say anything.

I didn't say anything.

Well, what a guy.

Yeah, I know.

Five minutes off his feet.

I'll let it slide.

You got a bird out of my house.

Tomorrow's a whole different story.

Believe me, it's all good.

Like,

this is the, I'll rest, I'll put my head on the pillow tonight.

And tonight, I'll be like, I made the right choice, hiring you.

Yeah, because you know that bird won't be in there.

What's on top of the, because I had a wood-burning stove, and it was, like, capped.

So like there was no way a bird could get in there.

My wife says it's capped too.

So and she said that after the last bird got in, we had someone go up there and make sure that it moved.

They put some like mesh wiring or something.

Yeah, something, yeah, there's usually like a squirrel guard or something.

And apparently that didn't work.

I don't even know how he got out of the stove.

He learned to open the door.

It's a smart bird.

Yeah, the door.

The door wasn't open?

Not that I saw.

When I heard it, I looked over at the stove and I was like, well, the door is locked.

It won't be able to get out.

Did you actually go over close to investigate it?

I figure, how can a bird open a steel cast door?

It's a crafty bird.

Got into the stove to begin with.

Then again, you thought that puppet was real.

I am a little suspect when it comes to judging birds.

Ones that are puppets, I think, are real.

Is that right?

Yeah, it kind of looks like that, like black vermin.

Yeah.

With that yellow beak.

Oh, man.

Those eyes.

Like doll's eyes.

You weren't afraid of him pecking at you.

You just didn't want him touching you at all.

And, you know, I'm surprised you didn't use gloves because birds are notoriously

dirty, like diseased.

Well, you know, I did pick up his lunch today on the way back.

I picked up his lunch and he was like, he almost ate a slice of pizza, but then he caught himself.

I was like, you know what?

I should wash my hands.

I said I probably should wash my hands.

Oh, my God.

Did you just wash his hands before you left the house?

That's astounding.

I mean, in his bathroom?

I would have let him, but he just walked right out and got in his car.

He was like, I'm right

by by the river.

He's right over there, get him.

And that towel, that was a special towel you said that you use to dry yourself off if it's raining.

It's like the emergency towel I keep in the truck.

It's a swimmer's towel.

Emergency swimmer's towel.

The fuck is such a thing?

Never even heard of it.

I wanted to try something.

I'm not sure how great this is going to work.

But I'm going to go on Twitter and I'm going to put, I got a Skype phone number, and we're going to have people Skype in

for advice.

So we got three of us, and we may have alternate viewpoints on

somebody's predicament.

You see, now, you know,

when the show first started, when show or the podcast first started,

I think I was much more willing to offer opinions.

I was an opinionated asshole.

Right.

For me, that's never changed.

But I feel that that now I'm much more reluctant to offer my opinion.

But I thought woke people had the most fucking opinions.

Nobody has more opinions than a fucking left-leaning liberal.

You're supposed to be telling people how to be woke people.

You're supposed to be shoving them down people's throats.

I'm a different kind of woke.

I'm even more advanced than

some of these people who are.

You're like the Tom Cruise of the Woke Company.

Yeah, yeah.

I get special

one-on-one meetings with the head of the

society.

George Soros, huh?

So what do we protest today?

I'm very, very, very reluctant to

inject

my mindset onto somebody else's problems.

I feel that

it's a little arrogant,

but don't tweet this, but if they specifically ask for me,

I'll consider it.

Okay.

I'm curious to see what Gim has to say.

Me too.

His viewpoint.

Oh, I got

horrible with my own life, but I think I can speak to other people's.

Yeah, I'm the same way.

Yeah, I was going to say, but that's where both of you guys seem to think that you have

the ability to help other people's, but you feel you fall short

when it's your own.

Oh, I know I do.

Why do you think that is, Don?

No.

Why are you so bad?

Why is it so easy to see?

Because you can step back.

I think you're looking at it.

It's tougher to step back from your own life and your own body and take a look at your situation versus being able to see.

Not for me.

Oh, because I'm not woke.

You've suddenly become the puppet guy of advice.

Not for me.

But yeah,

do you feel the same way, Brian?

That you feel it's a lot easier to see other people's.

It's so clear.

It's so clear as to what they should do.

But yeah, and when it comes to you,

the picture's not as rosy and as clear.

What's different is

I still know what I should and shouldn't do, but I will still

fight my nature in certain situations.

Like, I will do self-destructive shit even though I know I shouldn't do it.

I'll put up with certain things even though I'm like, why am I putting up with this?

That kind of shit.

I think you nailed it yesterday when you said, I have an excuse for almost for everything that I do.

Oh, I agree with him with that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Not you.

No, with Gidham.

Giddam has an excuse.

And, you know, and I'm not saying it in a bad way because, like I said,

today.

He was asking me why I drink.

No, no, no.

I was saying, why do you need to drink?

Can I say that?

I drink three to four tall boys a night.

Which is almost a gallon.

That's almost a gallon of beer?

Yeah, it's 25 ounce cans.

Yeah, when

we went to the Impractical Jokers, the Nitro Circus thing, I didn't notice it.

And he didn't seem that drunk, but they said he drank like 12 beers or something.

How many?

13.

13.

But he has, like, well, I mean, he has built up an extremely high tolerance to beer, I would think.

Like, he's like, I think for him.

It's actually like Meller Light.

Yeah, Meller Light, Bud Light.

It was the light.

Does it have less alcohol in it or something?

Then like the ice has more.

But it seems like every like I was trying to say, why don't you just do this?

Why don't you just start going like instead of a like drink a gallon tonight?

Go ahead.

And then over the course of a week, knock it down to

three-quarters of a gallon.

And then the next week, knock it down to half a gallon.

And you were like, and he had so many excuses why this was not going to be possible.

I mean, the biggest reason is like, I'm an alcoholic.

Then he's like, well, instead of drinking alcoholic beer, try non-alcoholic beer.

And I'm like, it's not for the taste.

No, you don't love the taste of it.

It helps you go to sleep.

So

this is the group of people that

will be fixing your life.

Right.

Okay.

I'm sure most people want Q's advice.

I mean, because that's the fucking dude who fucking

who who fucking nailed it.

Q?

Yeah.

Yeah, he didn't nail it for quite a long time, though.

He was a very unhappy guy for many, many years.

Well, that's why he's able to, he's like, I've been, Q can say, I've been where you've been.

I've climbed the mountain.

I've got to the summit, and here's how you do it.

To follow Q, if Q were to be like, just follow the path that I hood,

would be derelict, and you'd be an asshole to say it.

Well, I mean,

catches of that happening.

Well, I'm talking about them.

Yeah, but I'm not talking about, I don't think everybody who's going to ask about problems are going to be like, well, their problems are I want to be on TV.

I'm talking about you can use them, you can use examples and metaphors and

situations to apply to whatever your problems are.

Right.

Okay, so I'm going to tweak this

with the caveat that it might not work.

Do you hear that noise, Giddam?

Yeah.

What is that?

Is that something?

That's people trying to call probably.

That's other people trying to call?

Yeah.

How the fuck?

Hey, do you know how to stop the other people like that sound?

But you're asking the guy on the other line?

Now we're re-asking him for advice.

Yeah, what's your name?

Oh, myself.

Oh, no, I'm not, sir.

I just, I don't know.

It worked.

All right.

All right.

We don't hear the sound anymore.

All right.

You're here with Giddam and Brian and Walt, and we're going to solve everybody's problems tonight with a new telecommunication.

Yeah.

So what's your problem?

What can we help you with?

Well,

I just

finally, after months of trying, got into a dentist because of various reasons and

insurances that don't cover everybody.

And I was told that there's a little work that I had done recently that they were like, oh, you're going to be so good for so many years.

A few months later, now I'm looking at two additional

root canals.

And what do you think is the quickest way for me to make $3,200?

The quickest way to make $3,200, Walt.

Sell some of your stuff.

Yeah, get them.

You still haven't hit $3,200.

No, no.

I'm sorry, even with Obamacare and everything, you can't

get coverage for this?

I'm on the California version of Obamacare, and

they don't cover root canals.

Oh, okay.

Isn't one of the root canals, one of those medically necessary things?

Otherwise, you're in agonizing pain.

Because you're removing the root and everything, so it's, yeah.

Yeah, you would think.

And they don't take payments, huh?

They won't do it and then let you pay on time?

Oh, they'll say payments, but the payments are way outside of what someone

of my means can afford at this time.

Oh, so what are they going to do?

Put the roots back in?

No.

Get them.

For real.

What does he do?

Come on.

You have a lot of experience with.

Yeah, you have anything that you could possibly sell?

You have any comic books?

Oh, you're saying sell some stuff to the Stash.

Or not just

anywhere else, like the flea market, eBay,

that kind of deal.

Most of my collectibles are DVDs that fetch nothing nowadays.

What do you do for a living?

Retail, mostly selling books and games to people at retail outlets

in various locations.

Is it possible to pick up another second job?

Oh, it would be a third job at this point.

Third job.

Oh, okay.

That's even

working two jobs.

Wow.

That sucks.

Have you tried something like GoFundMe?

No, fuck that.

It's just in a sea of people that are like, hey, I need help.

Here's what you do.

My ex-girlfriend, she...

Same exact thing, actually.

She needed a root canal.

It was like $2,000.

She worked at Domino's and delivered pizza for like six months.

She was able to make $2,000,

and then

she quit.

That was it.

Boom, in and out.

And then you're the fucking man.

Then later on in life, you're like, he's got three jobs.

You're like, hey, no, he's got two jobs so far.

And then later on in life, you're like, hey, man, when I was younger, I had to fucking work three jobs.

So I don't want to hear any of your belly aching like when the younger generation starts fucking acting like pussies and shit about whatever it is they're doing.

You're like, my teeth are killing me.

I had to go fucking put on some tight dickies, go over to Domino's, and make an asshole out of myself for a little while.

But that's just the way it is.

That's what I would suggest.

Because you want cash that you don't have to declare, right?

Well,

you want to avoid the tax man.

Preferably, yeah.

Yeah.

That's what that's my third job, but that's only during the spring because, you know,

we work.

I work at a Renaissance fair, and

most people are pretty cool about about paying you.

Is there a dentist at the Renaissance Fair?

No, you don't want to do it.

There is actually a dentist that is just friendly to people who work at the Renaissance Fair.

It's just the wait list is rather lengthy.

Okay, that's what you do.

You go get a shitty job you don't want to do that you can make a bunch of money fairly quickly.

Or there are some places I know like

student dentists.

Yeah.

You can get on a list for student dentists.

Like go look at look up a dental college or something like that.

Yeah, like a university hospital.

University hospital, and then you get on a list and they may help you out.

In New Jersey, it's like UMDNJ up in North Jersey.

That would be our advice.

You okay with that, Walt?

It sounds like good advice.

Okay.

Walt agrees.

All right.

Well, good luck with those root canals.

Hey, thank you so much, guys.

And just

keep being you and

helping all the ants get through the nonsense that they got to get through.

We will.

Take it easy.

Thank you.

Stop talking to that kid.

Yeah.

Do you have an interesting problem?

Can't be any boring problems.

Are you a dentist?

Yeah, you're not a dentist, are you?

No, I'm a lineman.

A lineman?

Oh,

the Wichita lineman?

Yeah.

The Wichita lineman, working on the line, yeah.

Yeah.

That's one of the most, that's probably the saddest song in the history of recorded music.

Is that kind of the life you kind of lead as a lineman?

Listening to other people, listening to other people's conversations, and how sad everyone's life is?

I'll tell you what, man, you guys really helped me through the long nights.

I'm actually doing this goofy thing where I don't shave until I reach episode 300 again, and I started at 1.

Wow.

And I'm on 179 right now.

How long does that beard get?

It's pretty big, man.

I'd say it's at least three inches right now.

Definitely not like Brian's, though.

Okay, so it's not the Johnson levels yet.

Okay.

Where do you linemen at?

What stadium?

I'm in Buffalo, New York.

Buffalo.

Well, it's good to have you.

It's good to get a burly beard up right now, right?

The winter's coming.

Oh, heck yeah.

You know, it's nice in the sun, too.

It really helps protect you from, like, the

rays and shit like that, so it's good.

So, is that a dangerous job being on the line?

Yeah, it it can be if you're a fucking retired, but I kind of know what I'm doing, so it works out all right.

You get electrocuted rather easily, right?

If you're a fucking retard, he just explained it.

This is why Walt doesn't work on the lines.

Can I get shocked now?

How about now?

Yeah, I mean, basically, you just got to be smart enough to not put two wires together and keep your face far enough away, and you'll be all right, you know.

But yeah, I wanted to ask you also, this is, I don't know, maybe this was was on your radar, maybe it wasn't, but a while ago, Brian KX did uh just like a mock-up cover of a four-color demons 2099 thing.

Did you guys see that?

I don't recall seeing that.

No,

it was really awesome.

Or maybe I did.

I can't recall.

2099, the old Marvel universe?

Yeah, it was kind of like a riff on the old 2000, because Q always he posted some shit about

Punisher 2099 original artwork that he got and then

later Brian put that up and it was it was awesome I mean it was this cool demon that they design that he designed and he's like walking over Staten Island looks like to get to Jersey and I just

my my brain was going crazy with ideas and I could only imagine what you know Brian or you can come up with as far as an actual comic and I think you guys aren't recording this right yeah we are yeah

Oh, awesome.

I think you guys could really,

I think it would be huge.

All right.

Well, I'll have to look for it.

2099, Brian K.

Brian XK.

Yeah, from the Brian XK.

Okay.

All right.

Well, thanks, brother.

All right.

Yeah, I'll let you go.

Have a good one.

Thank you.

Take it easy.

All right, we need a real problem here.

So far, it's two compliments and a guy who wants to go to Root Canal.

Appears our listener base.

Well, actually, that guy had a real problem.

What?

That he wants to know when.

No, not at the witch telling him.

I'm talking about the guy at the Root Canal.

Root Canal is a real problem.

I don't know that we helped him solve it.

No.

That's why you should have a bank of stock answers for almost anything.

Right.

And I should have somebody screening calls to make sure the real problems.

Do you have a real problem?

Hello?

Yes.

It's Brian and Walt and Gidem.

You're being recorded, and you better have a good problem.

You're kidding me.

Why would I kid you?

I don't know.

It just seems like something you would do.

Nope.

You're on Skype, and we're recording it.

That's fucking awesome.

It better be.

Don't curse.

Yeah.

We're trying to keep this family friendly.

I'm sure that's true.

So we're looking to help people with problems.

So far, we got two compliments and a dude who needs a root canal.

Do you have anything better than that?

Would you prefer if I insult you?

No.

We're trying to solve problems.

Come on, man.

Okay.

Problem.

My job sucks.

Well, it's okay, but the people at my job are super nice, but I get paid nothing.

How do I fix that?

What do you do?

I'm billing at a government agency.

My name's Kim, by the way.

Okay.

Hi, Kim.

So you work in the billing at what kind of agency?

A government agency?

A government agency.

I don't think I should go any further into it.

Do you have any ideas for scams that she could pull in suncar style?

All right, so you have a government job.

The pay is not so great.

The people?

No.

The people are not great?

People are awesome.

Okay, people are awesome.

Pay is no good.

How long have you been there?

Three years.

When's the last time you had a race?

We get one every year,

but I mean, it's 2.5% on nothing.

Is it possible to go in tomorrow and talk to the boss and be like,

give him the ultimatum?

Like, there's another company that's interested.

There's another government interested in it.

And if

there's some heat.

Don't make me take this to the private sector.

Yeah, there's definitely some heat.

And if I don't get

3% this year, I walk.

Well, the unfortunate thing is government agencies are based on tax dollars and taxpayers don't give raises willy-nilly.

So you're lucky Quinn isn't here.

So what you're saying is that if the new government raises taxes, you'll get a raise.

So that's why we should.

No, no,

that's not what I'm saying at all.

No, I'm just saying that they don't.

See, government workers get a bad rap.

A lot of government workers aren't the greatest, but there are some of us that are not terrible.

Well, that's what you need to go and confront your boss with tomorrow.

No, no, no, no.

And then use the word confront.

State your case of that how much good you're doing for the government.

It's not going to matter, right?

It doesn't matter what you say to that boss.

It's like, hey.

No.

It just goes up and down the chain.

And hello, Giddem.

We met

a couple weeks back.

I insulted you about the machete carrying.

Oh, okay.

Oh, no,

that doesn't.

Yeah, that could be any number.

Including the police.

Giddam,

would you suggest a workplace shooting?

Just to stir things up a little?

No, that again would lead to the bad rap that government workers get.

And also, there are sheriffs with metal detectors outside of my job, so I wouldn't get very far.

Or just print a 3D gun, right, out of one of those printers?

Yeah.

There's workarounds.

I just told you I make no money.

What makes you think I have the money to print this?

It's a catch-22.

It's a total catch-22.

Yeah, that's true.

It seems

there's a definitely pattern going on here.

It's almost like that

people

need higher wages.

That's what the crisis is.

So far, two of the real problems, yeah, people need to make more money.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, I make 22 a year, which

I cannot live on.

Yeah, it's tough.

22 a year?

Sorry, depending where you live.

Did you go to college?

I went to some college.

I mean, I live in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, so it's pretty expensive.

So it's rough.

Is that your only job right now?

Are you working two jobs, one job?

I work at a bookstore part-time.

Okay, so you're the other person working two jobs.

Two jobs are still not enough.

That's why I hope that

in 2017 we start to see wages go up.

It would be nice.

Everybody's that's the that's a that's the base of everyone's problem.

It's always going to be there.

Do you have a vehicle?

Oh, yeah.

Have you considered Uber?

Get a side hustle on.

Yeah, people can Uber or Lyft.

Yeah, Lancaster, I'm sure.

You could drive the Amish around, right?

Couldn't you do that?

Yeah, I'm sure that gets plus the drunks.

Is there a college nearby that you can pick up the drunk kids after

the bars close?

No, you're not asking this for personal reasons, are you, Giddam?

Or the natty, or the gallon of natty ice drinkers.

Yeah.

Yeah, what yeah, we've got a problem for you.

Gidum drinks a gallon of beer a night.

That seems extreme, doesn't it?

That does seem like a lot of beer.

Would you imagine having a gallon of milk?

Or in a gallon container?

Yeah, like I like,

I like the taste of an apple.

If I drank a gallon of it,

I'd be vomiting.

I could even drink a gallon of water.

It's over the course of six hours.

Four or five hours, yeah.

Yeah, so it's not all, it's not like.

It's not a lot of beer, man.

Yeah.

It's not like 11 o'clock at night.

He's like, okay, let me down this gallon.

Right.

I haven't drank the gallon.

Like, how people got through 10,000 steps in.

He's like, shit, I'm only a three-quarts.

All right.

So we have no useful advice for her then.

Well, this is sucking.

Like it.

You try.

That's okay.

You guys are giving blood.

You guys.

Can you sell blood?

You can't sell blood.

Oh, I sell it.

Plasma.

I think I sell plasma.

What?

I live with my folks.

I try and save money.

It's just, it's a hard time anyway.

What's your biggest expenditure?

Okay, this is going to sound frivolous, but I'm paying off an impractical joker's cruise.

That is frivolous.

Now, what do you say, Walt?

How old are you?

Call me bitch, Walt, please.

I love it when you call people bitch.

How old are you?

What?

How old am I?

I'm 26.

You know, I mean, you thought it was going to sound frivolous.

You were right.

right.

I know that.

But, I mean, you know what?

You're 26.

You don't, I mean, this is the time of your life when

you can do this kind of

spending that's not, you know, that's not a necessity.

So, you know, just don't beat yourself up for it.

Have a good time.

Everything will work itself out.

Yeah.

And pay off the 2016 cruise so you can go on the 2017 cruise.

Q tells me we're going to close every night.

I'm going on a 2017 cruise.

That's the one I'm paying.

Oh, okay.

Yes,

I'm excited about it.

I will be wearing my Talon Steve Dave shirt.

Okay.

Yeah.

You only have one?

No, I'm waiting.

Are you aware we have a wide array of shirts you can spend your money on, including the blind Johnson mugshot t-shirt?

That's coming.

The mugshot shirt is coming.

It's on pre-order.

I do have advice.

I have advice for the crews.

Bring some stuff for Brian Q to sign and sell it on eBay.

No, you know what?

For the crews, this is practical advice.

I watched Doug Stanhope.

He was almost a walking liquor bottle.

He had smuggled so much liquor on his person, it was unreal.

Because it's expensive, drinks on the, like, if you drink, it's expensive.

Oh, yeah, no.

I made a jar for money, so I'm saving in there.

Well, you're going to do a Space Monkeys, right, Brian?

Yeah, Q thinks that we may close every night because it's fun.

So we might just do a show every night.

We're on the boat.

Amazing.

Me and my best friend who's going with me, we love you guys.

All right.

Okay.

All right.

Yes.

Well, I think we've helped here.

I think.

If nothing else, you've made my night getting to talk to you.

There you go.

All right.

Well, we will see you on the cruise then.

Identify.

Not Walt, because Walt is not going to be able to get out of the way.

No, not Walt.

And certainly not Giddam.

Unless he's in fucking steerage with the rest of the fucking rats.

I wonder how much my gear would cost on the cruise.

Yeah, I know.

All right.

We'll see you later.

All right.

Thanks, guys.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

That is a testament to

how loyal and how amazing the listener base

person's only making, what was it, $22,000?

$22,000 a year.

Yeah.

And what, like that, that t-shirt, that mugshot t-shirt, that's like 1%

of her annual.

What?

That's not $250.

It's like a tenth of a percent.

Regardless,

it's a lot.

If you're making,

that's a lot, and she's still buying the t-shirts.

That's that's I think the cruise is probably 1% of her

yearly income.

Yeah, she's got to prioritize, though.

More t-shirts, less cruises.

Yeah.

We're coming out with a whole new winter line coming January.

I can relate to that, though, man.

That like spending money you don't have because you're just.

You're an American.

Yeah.

Your life would suck if you only spent the money that you had.

Right now I want to talk about Audible.

Audible.

Yes.

Influencer copy.

I like this.

It's new copy, and it says influencer copy.

So I guess that means we're influencers.

Yeah, that's for sure.

Yes.

Audible.com, you know the deal.

They got a bunch of audiobooks.

30-day free trial membership.

Audible.com slash T-E-S-D.

And browse the unmatched selection of audio programs.

Download a free title and start listening.

It's that easy.

You got one free audio book a month, 30% off all these other titles.

They've got lots of content.

They've got apps for all your phones and devices.

What kind of titles do they have?

What are you talking about?

Well, do they have anything TESD-centric?

I believe they do.

Company man.

Yeah, I know.

I think they have, what do we have on there?

The Fairey Retail Theater?

Oh, retail theater.

What's up?

Fair Ririe Theater.

Fairy Ree.

Fair re-retail.

That would have been better, though, right?

Like Fair Ririe.

And then Tell, like, retail.

Oh, we could have gotten a double punch in there.

I'm not sure the joke.

Like, you're a retailer?

Whoa.

We got Dollar Shave on there.

Small fistful of Dollar Shave.

Oh, yeah.

Dollar Shave we got on there.

Yeah, what are you doing, man?

What are you listening to us talk about Audible when you can go on there?

Sign up and get your free download.

Yep.

Let's see.

They have.

Oh, I guess this is something new.

They got send a book.

You can share books from your library with anyone.

Ooh.

Clips.

You know what?

Chapter navigation.

I guess they worked on the apps.

But think of this scenario, get them.

You're in a long-distance relationship, right?

Yes.

I guarantee you they got like 50 shades of gray.

Okay.

You should download that and share it and then listen to it at the same time.

All the nasty stuff's going on.

You're both listening to it at the same time.

She thinks he's talking about his underwear.

Or the sheets on his bed.

Oh, okay.

Would that be intriguing?

We could try that.

Yeah, do you guys talk on the phone?

Yeah, FaceTime, that kind of stuff.

Oh, FaceTime.

That way you can see stuff.

Yeah.

Well, you're seeing stuff.

You don't need to see anything with Audible.

That's the beauty of Audible.

It's the theater.

Yeah, you put it.

She doesn't have to look at you.

Yeah, you could be anyone.

You could be.

Who's the star of 50 Shades of Gray?

The guy Gray.

Oh, that's his name?

Yeah.

All right, you could be Gray.

Well, no, I think.

Do you mean the movie, right?

No, I mean the character.

Oh, okay.

The character's name is Gray?

Yeah.

Is it Christian Gray or something?

You could be Christian Gray.

You could be anybody

when you're

sharing Audible with your friends using the Audible app.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's a guy named Jamie Dornan.

Would that be something that, would that be awkward?

Is it still too, the relationship's still too new to introduce something that risque?

Maybe that's the time to do it.

Like, I'm not saying you do.

To

float that idea out there.

But I'm not saying you do anything crazy while you're listening together, but you just listening to it together and just

whatever happens happens when you're listening.

All right.

Would things happen?

I don't know.

I just have to open it up.

He totally forgets that he's on FaceTime.

This is the circle of hell all over again.

Yeah, I was going to say, it sounds just like that audio.

We should try selling that to Audible.

See if that can write that into a book.

50 shades, you get them.

That's

artwork

now what'd she say about that what

did she is there any any kind do you get is it still the relationship still in that phase where you don't get like you don't get flack about doing things that may be uh like she's not at this stage it's not it's the relationship isn't that at that level where she could be like

kind of poo-poo you doing anything on the show yet is there or is it still in that new area right still in that new phase meaning meaning like you know you might like somebody might, like, get, like, like, if you were with somebody who would, like, for a couple years, and then she was like, you did what on the podcast?

You simulated jerking off?

Why?

I don't get it.

I don't like it.

I don't like to get him off.

I shared that audio that night.

Right.

I shared the raw audio that night.

I'm not telling you what this is for, but I'm.

So she was like, that's great.

I think she, yeah.

But

a couple years in, it could change, right?

Like,

she's like, look, that was then, this is now.

Like, people know I'm with you.

I work in a respectable, I work in a respectable.

Tell Steve Davis to the top ten podcast in the country.

You know, millions of people are listening.

You know, you got to rein it in.

Do you really believe it?

I think so.

You have far off freezes.

But, you know, what would you say then?

Would you have to scale it back?

You've got to like, Walt, I can't do the crazy things you asked me to do anymore unless I get clearance.

I think you're going to be able to do that.

Let me just run it by her.

I think you probably tell me to shut up and you know what funny is.

You think I would do that?

I have never done that.

I have never said you're doing this.

I've always said, would you like to, would you be up for doing this?

I've always

told me to do it.

Just saying, you know, it's funny.

I know what funny is.

This is going to be fun.

I've never said that.

That does not sound like something you would say.

Well, no, it's something Brian would say.

I've never said that.

Yeah.

But if, like, if you...

No, I'm saying is I trust you that when you tell me, you know, something, it's going to be funny.

But let's say

it could still be funny, but let's say the missus

isn't as big a sport as she once was.

Like, she's like,

my dad listens to the show now.

She's like, and now he's going to hear you doing this.

He's already heard you get married, not to me.

Could it happen or no?

You don't think it's headed that way?

I don't know.

You don't know?

All right.

Well,

at least you're honest, though.

You don't know.

I could turn into a puss.

Who knows?

You disgust me.

Hey, man.

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

I mean, when you have a significant other, it's about

taking in their considerations too, Brian.

I'll be texting her.

She'll be like,

I'll be texting her.

She'll be like, we'll deal with this later.

Tell him Steve Dave is my significant other.

That's who I answered to.

So, anyway, yeah,

go and get 50 Shades Shades of Gray from Audible and listen in with your significant other.

Or

Fairy Riri.

That won't be quite as

hot

as 50 Shades of Grey.

I don't know, Dollar Shade gets some people hot.

Yep, audible.com slash T-E-S-D.

Why don't you go on there now?

I just want one good problem.

Like we save a life or something, you know?

That would be pretty good.

I think you were presented with that opportunity and

you just glossed right over it.

Which one?

The fucking dude who's drinking a gallon of beer a night.

Yeah, I mean, I want somebody to call in.

I want somebody I have to deal with face-to-face.

You're up, I gotta go in the basement.

Yeah, that's weird, good.

I'm a fucking gallon of beer.

Jesus Christ.

It's like 100 ounces.

It's almost a gallon.

All right, 100 ounces.

I mean,

100 ounces actually, like, when you say it, it doesn't sound like, oh, well, that's not much.

Okay, here we go.

I hope this is a real problem.

Hello?

Hello?

Hey, it's Brian and Gidham and Walt.

Please tell me you have a real problem.

We're trying to dispense some sage advice here.

Yeah,

I mean, I got lady problems, of course.

Lady problems.

Perfect.

All right, go on.

Well, I got this girl.

She's a bit older than me.

She's about eight years older than me.

And

I met her and she was kind of talking to this other guy.

And I've been talking to her for like two years now.

And it's like on and off with him and I.

But she's like,

wait, so you guys are hooking up behind her back?

No, like.

Like she's, oh, me and the other guy.

Yeah.

Yeah, of course.

No, but like

she's with him, and then she pretends like they're not together.

And I think, I mean, I'm pretty sure we both know what's going on.

But I think I'm just kind of fooling myself, staying around with it.

Okay.

Lady, eight years older.

Yeah.

Been seeing each other for two years.

But you're not, like, exclusively dating, right?

No, I mean, I mean, not really.

But she's leading you to believe that

this other guy

is not a part of the picture, and you suspect he probably is?

Yeah, more or less.

I mean, more and more now, I think that she's just kind of like, it is what it is, deal with it, the more that it's been for a while.

But, I mean, I don't know, man.

I mean, she's most of what I'm looking for

in a female, aside from that part.

It's a pretty big part, right, Walt?

Yeah.

She's like, hey, man, I'm going to hook up with other guys.

Deal with it or don't.

Well, she's not saying that.

She's telling them that she's not.

No,

she's saying that she is, right?

I mean,

nothing's really being said at all, but I, you know, this is me coming to conclusions with all the clues that I have.

Right.

Okay, because you're saying she's sending out mixed messages and signals.

Yeah.

What are you thinking?

I am the worst person to give advice when it comes to women.

Okay, you know what?

I'm sorry.

The best advice I can give being married is just not to talk to her at all and have no contact with her whatsoever except to third parties.

And it's so far we haven't had a fight yet.

No, here's the nuts and bolts of it.

I know that works for you.

Yeah.

That works for Genem.

Here's the nuts and bolts of it.

All right.

You want something that she is unwilling or doesn't want to offer.

You will never be happy with this situation,

and it doesn't look like she's going to change.

So you have to

suck it up, say, fuck it, and walk away.

You got to walk away.

That's what you got to do.

Otherwise, you're going to be torturing yourself.

And I get it.

Everything that you want in a female, there it is.

But it's not like, oh, I, you know, I prefer Adidas to Nike.

It's, I prefer not seeing only one person at a time.

That's too big of a deal.

And if you're thinking, like, ah, you know, nothing's being said, but I have this feeling, you're right.

Gut instinct.

Yeah.

You're, you're right.

So don't question it.

I mean, that's the thing is, yeah, when I'm with her, it feels nice.

But when I'm not, it's almost like it's just there, and I know.

So I'm just fooling myself.

Right.

But you're not fooling yourself because you know.

No, I know, but yeah, I'm playing along.

You're no fool, bro.

You know.

So that's what I say.

I say you just say, hey, man, it's been cool, but you ought to move on.

Yeah.

That's the way it is.

It sucks.

That's the best problem so far, I think.

Yeah.

Some other guy needed a root canal.

This is this is much more human.

Humanized.

Oh, I got it.

Hard to handle those.

Yeah.

Are you a dentist?

I'm not.

Oh, darn it.

All right.

So that's our advice.

All righty, well, thanks, fellas.

All right.

Take it easy.

Good luck.

Alrighty, yeah.

Have a good one, guys.

You too.

You too.

Oh, yeah.

How'd that feel, Walt?

It's scary.

Misery.

It's scary that

because you're you are in a position uh that people will listen to uh what you're saying, so you've got a lot of power, you've got to uh that's good advice, though.

It was, yeah, I believe that uh I believe that g potentially that could be the um best advice that was given to him about it.

You know, I don't we don't know though.

We really don't know.

Well, you know, you don't wanna that's this is why this is a this is uh

a dangerous and tricky uh uncharted territory?

For who?

I'm just saying it's dangerous and tricky.

Yeah,

whenever you're

you don't know the whole situation, so offering advice on it is always it's you know

how much more do you need to know?

You don't know

you don't know everything, though, so you know, you maybe

he goes and does what you sell him to do, right?

And he closes the door, or maybe it could have worked out.

So you never know.

You never know.

You know, you just don't know.

That never would have worked out.

Let's see.

Hello?

Hello?

Do you have a real problem?

I do.

Something that needs to be solved by professionals.

Are you ready?

We're ready, yeah.

Okay, so I'm a special education teacher

at a school for children with extremely special needs.

Okay.

And I have a bunch of ed techs who basically hate me.

What's an ed tech?

That's like an assistant?

Yeah.

Why do they hate you?

They accuse me of various things.

Today I had a bunch of them telling me to look them in the eyes when I was staring at them.

Just

telling disrespect.

Okay, so I'm having trouble.

They're ed techs and they don't understand.

And you're saying they're dealing with special needs kids and they're having trouble understanding like no eye contact?

No, they're saying that I don't make eye contact with them and I'm their boss.

Right.

Can you relate to this with Walt?

I haven't made eye contact with Walt since 1987.

Exactly.

I try not to make eye contact with him because I think he feels it's threatening and I'm afraid he might charge me.

Is there an HR department?

Yes, but they think that like members of leadership which is like myself the other teachers and whatnot that we're the problem

that's always going to come from subordinates right get them yeah the subordinate will always

envy and resent the man on top yes exactly getting to go out for his pizza and all that other stuff or so I've heard and so so as uh well you can relate to this the subordinates

uh

not knowing their place

zapsic trying to look you in the eyes that kind of shit

What is the boss man doing this situation?

Where there's a mutiny?

Why are you reluctant to look him in the eye, though?

No, I was looking at them, Walt.

Oh, and you and you were too threatening by looking at them?

No, they told me to pay attention to them and look at them in the eyes when I was staring right at them.

This sounds weird.

This is

a one-time problem, or this happens every day.

Oh, no, this person is a consistent problem.

Oh, it's only one person.

No, there's a couple, but I mean, I work with like 15 ed techs, and there's a couple that are thorns in my side.

Do you have hiring and firing abilities?

I don't.

Is ed tech

a derogatory word?

Education, like a vet tech.

Oh, tech.

Oh, okay.

I thought, like, I thought it was like some sort of like, you know,

EdTech.

I thought that was like some sort of like, like, you know, like,

like, you know, like,

okay.

No, like, I'm the teacher, and they're sort of like, they work directly with the kids

for six hours a day.

And I sort of come in and do my pieces of it, and then I get to leave for a little bit, come back, do more.

I believe workplace

friction, as they call it, is

it's unavoidable at times.

There are no places of employment that are shangri-las.

If you love the job you're doing,

you know, you have to sometimes put up with

people who you feel

are out.

I'm not out to get you, but are not your biggest fan or you may not get along with.

I mean this has gone back

since we were painting on cave walls.

People just didn't get along.

And I mean it's always been that way.

It'll always be that way.

So you have to learn to deal with it or

move on.

Well, why would she should she move on?

These are the people that are working for her.

For her?

Well, I mean, obviously there's a

personality

thing going on here.

They're not getting along.

You see it a lot with doctors and nurses.

Like I know a lot of nurses that will say like they know as much as doctors and doctors have egos and all this other shit.

So maybe it's a situation like that where they're like, oh, just because she has all her,

what do you call them, credits?

Credits?

Just as like an aside, like I started as like an ed tech and worked my way up to be a teacher.

Right.

But like these people didn't work there when I was an ed tech.

Maybe you can, you know, you can share that story with them.

You know, Say, I'm not asking you to do anything that I haven't done myself in order to get to this position that I'm in today.

And

you got to take an opportunity to learn from everything that you have to do.

Do you listen to Tell him, Steve, Dave?

I listen to Tellum Steve, Dave, every week.

So you know

that even at the Stash,

there are

sometimes major, major conflicts.

Bathroom keys can be taken away at a moment's notice.

So you know that

there's no place out there.

Well, I mean, I'm sure there is.

I don't want to say that.

And I don't want to paint a picture that

it's like it's contentious here at all times, because there's a lot of times where

we love each other most of the time.

So

if you don't feel that it's ever going to be a job where you're going to have

team morale or everybody around you is going to be happy?

I think it can get back there, but right now it's pretty rough.

How could it get back there?

Do you know?

How do you think it can?

We need, well, we don't have enough ed techs for every student, so it makes it really hard to train everybody.

Right.

So we just need

more body.

That just sounds so like ed tech.

Educational technician.

Oh, that's what it means.

Very edtech.

That's what it means, right?

I thought, again, it was some sort of like

slang.

Like a slur?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I said it's like a

slur.

It's not disrespectful.

Well, it's very

touchy now that he's woke.

Yeah,

I think that's pretty good advice.

I like it.

I used it when I worked in the customer service desk at the food store, and I had cashiers below me, and sometimes they would give me a flack, like, oh, why are you asking me to go get bags?

And I'm like, look, I said, when I was a cashier, cashier, I used to get bags.

I said, I'm not asking you to do anything that I haven't done yet.

Correct, then you're good at it.

So you go fucking get them, asshole.

That's what I mean.

Now, if Gedam's advice doesn't work, I say, now, Sage has Down syndrome.

One of the characteristics is a very strong upper body.

Like, she's built like a little bulldog.

I say you assemble a team of Down syndrome kids, like the expendables of Down syndrome kids, and get them to attack the ed techs that you don't like.

I don't work with kids that have Down syndrome, unfortunately.

Most of the kids that I work with have autism, but they're still pretty tough.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

We can be tough.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Too much.

Much to the shock of the real world who doesn't think that we can be tough.

True statement.

We can be tough.

Yeah, the Down syndrome kids are like, that's all we had.

And now the autistics are trying to take it away from us.

Yeah.

You want upper body, you go with a a Down syndrome, kid.

That's the way you do it, man.

She's fucking, she takes down Suzanne like it ain't no thing.

It's fucking so funny to watch.

All right.

Well, I hope that helped.

Thank you, boy.

Yeah.

Have a great night.

You too.

See you later.

All right.

Get him spewing knowledge.

I know.

That was good.

Get him.

I think that was pretty good.

Do you got one more in you?

Oh, yeah.

We could go all night.

We can't.

Or until Walt's like, we're getting the fuck out of here.

We're getting too good at this, man.

We're knocking them out of the fucking park.

A little slow, a bit of a slow start.

Needed some.

This must be how Dr.

Phil feels.

You need some meat to sink your teeth into.

Yeah, so far, the girlfriend problem was the best one.

I thought that was a joke.

I thought you were going to talk about the root canal meat to sink your teeth into.

Oh, yeah, no,

I didn't get that.

That call is long forgotten.

And it has to suck, too, when somebody's advice is like, we'll get get a third job.

I guess I don't know.

I mean, try getting a television show.

Just do what I do.

Unemployed.

Fuck it.

No job at all.

You got to hit the con circuit.

That's where you make your money.

Hello?

Hello?

Hey, Brian.

Yeah, you're the last caller for the night, so this better be a good problem.

Oh, shit.

Now I got a lot to live up to here.

Hey, Brian, I don't know if you remember me.

It's Brody Man from Stanley's Comic-Con.

Oh, what's going on, Brody?

You got lots of problems.

Okay.

You're calling a ringer.

Oh, shit.

Brody Man.

Yeah, it's actually going to sound like a real nerdy problem on the surface, but it's a legitimate problem.

That's okay.

That's okay.

We've got a couple nerds at the table.

He specializes in nerdy.

He's like, Ming fondled me at L.A.

Con.

Well, actually, this might be kind of aimed at Walt because I know he's helped Sunday Jeff through something like this before.

Okay.

But I used to be a big-time comic book reader, and I left that shit behind about six years ago when my boy was born.

When this whole rebirth thing started, I started buying books again, and I'm at about a $70 a week habit.

And I'm trying to keep it a secret from my girlfriend and from the family because it's turning into a real debt kind of problem for me.

What do I do?

All right, Brody, man.

First off, are we really talking about comics?

Are we talking about crack?

I say we can with this guy, he's talking about comics.

I said, we're really talking about a comic addiction here that you're trying to hide from the misses.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, it captured me like I'm a little kid all the fuck over again.

Like, I'm just buying anything and everything that's coming out.

It's crazy.

Are you reading them all?

That's the thing.

Maybe in the last three weeks, I haven't been able to keep up with what I've been buying.

And that's when it starts to

fall apart.

Yeah.

If you can't keep up, and how are you reading them on the sly?

Where are you keeping them from?

You know, from the girl,

it's funny.

At my work, I have a pretty big cubicle, so it's kind of turning into like a comic book depository over here.

No, it's even spilling over into your work, huh?

Yeah, yeah.

Where are you buying your comic books from?

Shut up, asshole.

He's asking Walt when he buys them.

Well, I'll say if he's on a poll, if if he's on, if he's buying it from a place that I'll put.

You're going to offer him a discount from here.

I'm buying them from a local comic shop.

Right.

Yeah, well, you had to scale back.

I remember when you got engaged and planning on getting married, Walt had to start cutting titles.

I did.

And to me, it seemed like it would be easy because you're like, here's five titles that I've collected for five years.

I haven't read one issue.

But

you have to complete that run.

Yeah,

the horrible collectible,

the collector's mentality.

There's got to be, and there's, you know, you can't, what could you afford, what could you go home with tonight and tell your

lady,

I'm going to spend this amount of money on comics a week.

What is the amount that you could tell her?

And she'd be like, okay, hey, you're into it.

You know, if it makes you happy, great, go for it.

What's the amount you could tell her tonight?

I feel like the safe zone would be about 20 bucks.

20 bucks?

I mean, just because we're supposed to be on a budget we're saving up for different themes and if i went any more than that it might seem like i like i i'm just gone overboard with this thing which i feel i probably already have uh and you don't think that there you don't think you could swing it uh doing twenty dollars a week

uh

and still get your fill and still get your fix well that's i mean you know you know the rabbit hole you fall down with this thing it's like one thing leads to another if you want to finish this story arc, you got to check out this book.

And before you know it, you're buying 16 books a week.

Yeah, but I mean, that's where

you've got to keep a strict

and you know, you've got to remain,

you've got to have some discipline.

That's the key.

If you can't keep, if you can't do it and keep a disciplined budget to it, then you're, it ain't gonna work then.

Gotcha.

Would you, I mean, I would take the three best title.

I would stick to the ten titles you you like the most

and stick with them and see how it goes.

Well, there, you know, go slow.

Yeah.

All right.

I think I'm going to try that.

I'm going to try to narrow it down to about 10 titles.

How old's your kid?

My boy, he's going to be seven on Christmas.

Oh, he's born on Christmas, huh?

Yeah, he's a Christmas baby.

Oh, that's nice.

If you saw Brody Man, you would be like, I would not have pegged you for a day over like 19.

Oh, yeah.

He looks young.

Yeah, he looks really young.

Oh, fuck, man.

That's awesome.

Thank you for saying that.

Now, Walt, would you suggest this

the title C cuts back on maybe investing in the trade paperbacks if he really likes the story?

Hold on the root Canel guys back on the line.

That's obvious.

I don't even know if trade paperbacks are the answer here.

I think keeping to a strict budget and being disciplined enough to stick with it is the way to go.

And don't keep secrets.

Don't spend money that

you should be putting aside for

something else because in the grand scheme of things, in five years from now,

the rebirth will be over and you should be doing something else.

It'll be like Death of Superman all over.

And you'll be like, why did I buy these books?

Why did I listen to Walt?

You know,

I mean, I really believe that.

Take it from somebody who's been buying books for a long time, who did buy books for a long time,

only certain few are always going to be remembered fondly, and the rest is all just

a blur of like, why did I buy that?

True story.

You know, I mean, it looks like you already had the book.

I'm going to do it.

Okay, man.

And tell your boy Merry Christmas from Tellum Steve.

I love.

I will.

All right.

We'll see you later, Bruce.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

I think that last call was definitely the call that was needed.

Something of vital importance, something that everybody can identify with.

Yeah, right.

Exactly.

That's why I'm taking this call.

Oh, come on.

I was the one to go out on.

I kind of took inspiration from it because, you know.

Who's on the line?

What's up?

How you guys doing?

Howdy.

We're doing all right.

What's your problem?

Is it major?

Is it as big as should I buy a comic?

Oh, no, no, I know I should, but I'm too broke for that shit.

Come on now.

BQ was on Marvel Podcast.

He's supposed to be talking about OG Spider-Man 2099.

Bye-bye.

That's what people want to talk about, brother.

This is not ICO comics.

It should be.

Then we went to talk about comics.

Hey, you want to do a comics call-in show, Walt?

No.

No?

All right.

We might have had to go out on that other one then because I don't know what this guy's talking about, OG Spider-Man nonsense.

Oh, well, let's give him the heads up about the Christmas pod and drop a next week.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's a good idea.

The Christmas pod, which we recorded the other day

Sunday, we got some big guests on there.

Are we announcing guests?

Should be.

And we're not even being facetious.

We're not joking.

It's not like Giddam is the big guest.

Although he's there.

You don't want anybody to not buy it just because they're like, oh, Ginnam's not there.

Let's just make sure that's not the problem I'm worried about.

Let's just make sure we get those people at least, the people

who are only going to buy it if if Gidem is on it.

So

let's just put their fears to rest.

I am there.

You're there.

Yes.

There is.

I'm reluctant to say who the guests are because I don't think it's fair to try to sell it on the backs of these Titans.

Right.

These Titans of rock and roll and impractical jokes.

Oh,

that's shitty.

That's some shitty shit right there.

All right.

I could cut that out.

I could leave it out.

Don't cut it because that'll definitely drive people, especially in that first 24 hours.

Leave that shit out.

But yeah, there's guests.

There's heart.

For the first time

in six years, there's actually a heart at the table.

And I was eating it.

It was a turkey heart.

You brought it with him.

Brown paper bed.

No,

there's actually old-fashioned

Christmas heart where

we save

Christmas for somebody who's talking about it.

For the first time at the table, it's not about the stakes aren't somebody's getting a tattoo

or

someone's getting baptized.

Or someone's getting baptized or someone is just, you know, there's a little.

It's not about humiliating someone.

Yeah, this one's about like, you know, everything we do is going towards a greater good for just to help someone who is

had a rough year and

is in need this season of a little bit of extra, and we try to

we try to help them out.

In the season of giving, we try to

live up to that standard of giving.

In our own special way.

Yeah.

I mean, this sounds, I mean,

this sounds like something that, like, you know,

it was scripted, Giddam, the way you're saying it.

Yeah, I mean, that's beautiful.

It's coming from the heart.

In between bites of turkey heart.

Four hours?

Yeah, I cut it.

And if you're worried about Giddam inserting himself too much, believe me, I took care of it.

Yeah,

it's almost four hours long, actually.

Once we add the music and all that, it might be a little bit, probably right around four hours.

The longest one yet, I believe.

I don't know.

Perfect for that, you know, during that travel time when you're

sit by, you watch the Yule log and

listen to some tones.

So

on Thanksgiving at midnight, you know, go to Bandcamp, go to TESD Xmus, I believe.

Can you type that in, get them?

Type in TESD Xmus and see if that takes you to our Bandcamp page.

Yep.

Yep.

So go to TESDXMAS.com and on Thanksgiving at midnight.

And

I think it's safe to say we

bring Christmas back in a way

that will have people forgetting all about the previous year's Christmas episode.

Yeah.

We'll be forgiven, I guess.

You know, like, and if,

you know, that's what it's all about, asking for forgiveness and $4.99.

Yep.

That's only two things.

That's not a lot to ask for.

Yeah.

It's a dollar an hour, and it's going to a good cause.

That's it.

You're done on Christmas.

That was it.

That was it for Christmas.

It's going to drop on Black Friday.

You get another month.

Another week, I mean.

Yeah, this is it.

This will be the last time you get to Pimp it.

You can pimp it next week, can't you?

I don't know if anybody's going to be around.

I don't know if we'll do a show.

This is it.

I'll be here.

So next week, next week, you know, that's the way you should be celebrating Christmas with us,

like we have for the past six years and how we're going to do it for the next six years and the next six years after that.

So celebrating Black Friday and Christmas, right?

Because it's dropping on Black Friday?

Yeah, midnight on Thanksgiving, which is officially.

Yeah, but I'm just saying.

Do you do any Black Friday game?

I used to.

It doesn't.

The sales aren't that good anymore.

No.

I mean, the sales of stuff that I'm looking for, it's like you know mostly TVs and stuff that I'm not really interested in buying

but like you know it used to be like you could get like a good like GPS or something or you know Target had good clothes on

Black Friday so I would I'd go out like instead of going to the flea market I would go to Black Friday sales not this year though you're not gonna do it no

you don't want stay home what you don't want you need to stay home on on

on Black Friday on Thanksgiving at midnight you're not gonna have them here

download the download the Tellum Steve Dave and relive it.

Even though you were there, relive it because you missed out on some things, obviously.

You weren't there for everything.

No, no, I wasn't.

We had to go out for

stuff.

And enjoy Christmas like

we used to.

Like a human being.

Tell him Steve DaveXmas.com.

Go there now.

T-E-S-T-Xmus.

Just wait.

We should have a clock going right now.

Oh, a countdown timer?

Or countdown timer?

Can you count it?

It has to be easy to put on.

Can you do that, Gabe?

What?

On TelemsteveDave.com?

No, because Telemstev.com reverts to

Berch Table.

Or I'm on TSDXmus.

Can you put it?

That goes straight to.

I know.

Can't you get in and do something on Bandcamp and turn the entire front page of Bandcamp into a countdown clock?

I don't have that kind of thing.

Can't you take over the Bandcamp website?

Maybe can we do it on Twitter?

Can I buy their domain?

Can we do it on Twitter then?

Can we have a create a new account, a countdown clock that just tweets

every minute?

Do you get a notification on your phone every minute until Black Friday?

Come on, man.

Let's make this special.

I know.

You're sitting there getting fucking rested on your laurels.

Oh, and BQ's on the Christmas episode.

Yeah.

Because I don't know if people are afraid that he wasn't on this one.

He may not be on.

He was on her.

BQ is definitely there.

BQ is definitely on it.

But this is the kind of Christmas that you'll, when we're old.

Well, I was talking about when when we're really old, like when the listeners are old too, and they look back and their grandkids go, Grandpa, Grandma, how did you spend Christmas?

You tell them you spent it listening to four middle-aged men prank call Walmarts,

asking about Santa Claus.

You tell them you listen to middle-aged men

get baptized, try to figure out the most difficult game on earth.

Yeah, there's plenty on there.

Movement Watches,

MVMT,

founded on the belief that style shouldn't break the bank.

A philosophy that, Giddam, you obviously share with them.

Yes.

But

their goal is to change the way consumers think about fashion by offering high-quality, minimalist priced products at revolutionary prices.

So

they've solidified themselves as the world's fastest growing watch company.

I cannot believe the box that the watch comes in.

It's pretty fancy, right?

The box alone, I was just like, this has got to be a $1,000 watch.

And it wasn't, though, when I looked it up.

Nope.

Such a sweet-ass box.

The box alone, you get this for someone, and if they don't look it up and try to find out how much it costs, they're going to be like, wow, he or she spent a fucking assload of money on this watch.

The box alone

is.

You could just give them the box.

Yeah.

And

they would be impressed.

They start at just $95.

Would you buy a $95 watch there, Gilly?

The one I got is $75, so yeah, I'd probably go a little higher.

When did you buy that, though?

$75.

Seven, eight years ago.

But if I'm looking for something fashionable, I'll spend a little more.

This is a, you know, it's a restaurant.

When is the last time you've bought something fashionable?

I don't mean it in a bad way because I couldn't tell you when I have, but I mean it in a mystified way.

But when's the last time you went out and be like, I'm buying myself something fashionable today?

Who goes out with that thought?

I didn't find anything in the trash.

I need to go out and buy something fashionable.

I think probably it was a watch I bought last.

It was a black, like the shiny black.

I think it might have been Fossil

or Seiko.

Okay.

Fossil, so what, like 1994?

Fossil still makes watches.

I know they do, but

I thought for sure you were going to say the boot sale, the boot purchase last week wouldn't be considered a fashionable purchase.

That was utilitarian.

Yeah, I was going to say, he got them at Walmart.

And then, like, didn't you price check three different Walmarts?

No, no, no, no.

No, I went to three different Walmarts because two of them didn't have my sizes.

Okay.

So they didn't have either 10.5 or 11.

All right.

Yeah, I don't think most people go to Walmart when they're like, I'm going to buy myself something fashionable today.

These watches, though, I mean, all kidding aside, though,

they would make a nice present for somebody for the holiday season.

For that special someone, they look good.

They're not that expensive.

15% off today with free shipping and free returns by going to mvmtwatches.com slash T-E-S-D.

It says call to action, must read.

This watch has a really clean design.

Seriously, I've been getting compliments ever since I put it on.

Okay.

Now is the time to step up your watch game.

All right, get him?

Okay.

Like I said, I'm willing to step up my game a little.

Maybe your lady, right?

Yeah.

Your lady friend.

She's coming after Thanksgiving, right?

Supposedly, yes.

How impressed would she be if you showed up to pick her up at the airport with a movement watch on?

I think she'd be surprised if I showed up at all to pick her up at the airport, but.

What?

You're not going to go get you're not going to pick her up?

No.

You're just going to have her just fucking

get down here.

She takes the fucking train, dude.

If you have her taking the train,

she rents a car.

Rents a car.

She's driving down?

Yeah.

I mean, it's better than her picking up in that piece of shit truck with fucking hay bales and soda cups.

And his fucking pool towel.

Yeah, his fucking dirty pool towel that he found in a high school dumpster.

Why are you so obsessed with things from the pool?

The pool noodle, the pool towel.

I'm not obsessed with that.

Right?

Do you have a pool obsession?

No, why would I be obsessed with that?

He has a high school obsession, though.

He's constantly like, I found this in the high school dumpster.

I found this in the high school dumpster.

Yeah, why are you always at the dumpster?

I just, you know, it's like, you know, if I'm, you know, trying to like.

Sometimes I go for a walk.

Sometimes I feel like going for a walk, and I just think, Ralph, crammed in a

2016.

I mean,

the greatest answer is no answer.

You just like,

I've got no rational way to express why the fuck I would be in a dumpster.

You know, you take a walk around, you know, you take a walk around the school, and the dumpster is right there.

It's about eye level, so you just kind of peek in.

Now, I walked past a dumpster for the last

18 years of my life.

I've walked past a dumpster every day of my life to come into the store.

I don't think more than once I've ever looked inside of it to see what was inside of it.

The one time I did it was because I was like, what the fuck is that smell?

And

I threw my phone in there.

Oh, yeah.

I was going to say, that was the second time you looked in to see if Ming was getting the phone.

No, it's a 30-yard container.

It's not a dumpster dumpster like that.

It's not a hit.

It doesn't have three.

And you've been known to hit the lottery there before.

Yes.

Yeah.

He says it like, yes, like, yes, I have hit the lottery there.

Yeah, the jackpot.

It came up.

What is it, like three cherries or what?

One time I found a pool tape, a pool towel.

Yeah.

I caught a bird with it.

Grim me some gratuity points.

Yeah, so

movement watches.

Yeah, why don't you bring her a movement watch, man?

Sweet price.

Go to mvmtwatches.com slash T-E-S-D.

I'm sorry, bro.

No, that's it.

That's it for movement.

I'm sorry, guys.

You're going to get some fucking sweet shit there.

Did your lady pick up the vinyl cast?

I mean, you are on the cover.

I believe she did.

How could she not?

I mean, her man is fucking on that.

I'll tell you how, because she's like, he'll get me one.

He'd get one for me.

I know he did it.

I'm assuming that in her mind, she's like, well,

my wife got one for free.

I did.

Big time over there.

But you're like, I'm a big man at the Cracker Factory.

She's got to look at that and be like, oh, my God,

that's like.

That's huge.

You're right on your, I mean, you're way bigger than me and Brian on that.

and painted in a much better light.

Yes, salivating over a

naked BQ in skeleton with a rot up his ass coming out of his mouth.

Literally, drool dripping from my tongue.

Yeah, there, and no, like if she had to bet her life, it's like, well, you got a complimentary copy, right?

She would be dead right now because there's no fucking way

in a million years, she would imagine.

And you wouldn't get a comp?

Well,

I compensated everybody that appeared on that vinyl cast.

Right.

So if they choose to use the compensation I gave them to buy a vinyl cast, I would think that

you choose how you want to use the compensation.

Right.

You know, that's how I did it.

Okay, yeah, I mean, I know that's how you did it.

Well,

but you don't know if she even listened to it?

You don't even know if she got one?

Do you guys want to talk about TSD at all?

Does any pillow talk with TSD?

I don't.

No, no, no.

In my mind, I just hope she likes every time they talk, like, that's all she wants to talk about.

Oh, remember on that episode?

There's no Tell of Steve Dave pillow talk.

I don't believe so.

It never comes up.

I don't believe so.

No.

Like, how could it not?

It's like the whole relationship is based off Telumsteve Steve, isn't it?

It's a good starting point, but there's other things besides TESD.

I don't realize there's other things, but this is a pretty important aspect.

Nothing as important.

Isn't this a pretty important aspect of the relationship?

i i don't i don't think so without it you would guys wouldn't be together again it's a starting point it's it's the impetus it's never come up

it's never come up in the sense of you go like i i listened to this i thought i liked this or uh i how did this happen or can you give me some insight can you peel the curtain back a little bit maybe she has i mean just things like i've i've i've shared some things that you know that she found funny but i she i don't think she's shared them uh

without her asking or shared them like i said i shared the audio from the recording of the Circle of Hell.

Yeah, but she would have heard it anyway on the episode.

Yeah, but she got to hear it first.

First, yeah.

Before me?

I think I said it to you first and then her.

Okay, that's the way it should be.

It was bullish.

But there's no, like, that's it.

It doesn't come up that often, though, in the course of

disappointing.

Yeah.

I thought we would factor in a little bit more prominently.

It is a little

weird.

It's a little disappointing.

I think you should just bring it up next time.

However you think she horn it in.

I'm not sure.

You don't know.

You know you're a listener.

You don't know.

You don't know?

No.

She listens to other podcasts, doesn't she?

I'm not sure.

If you found out she listened to ISO Comics, would you report back to us?

My feeling is that she listens to the podcast not on SmodCaw.

Oh, okay.

That's why you're reluctant to sell us right now.

She goes, okay.

That wasn't a no.

But if she listens to I Sell Comics, you'd be okay with that?

It wouldn't lower your opinion of her.

Like we need to break up.

Why?

What did I do wrong?

Well,

I saw on your phone.

Yeah, you downloaded ISO Comics.

And it was a set on subscription.

Did not to delete any episodes.

Mike here is just, you are going to be fucking dead.

He is going to take it fucking out of your ass.

I got him something nice today, so.

What?

I got him a pack of nicotine to do it.

Duffy bird.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

It's not hard to tell

that something's wrong

when you have to hurt someone

just to feel strong.

I just can't see

to find

the ground

underneath me.

I'd rather

be

underground

very sixty deep

Still hard to know

I've got no place to go.

I'm cold and loaded.

I just

can't seem

to find

the ground

underneath me.

I'd rather

be

underground,

very

sick we see

Father be

on the floor.

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