#311: Peepin' N Creepin'

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Telling Steve and Dave sat recording near the comic store about Bryant.

Q felt that they needed more.

Don't want to women adventure and cruise.

Pride just wanted to debate how broken publics and not not have to lose.

So they traveled, cube traveling hitting pavement.

Pride providing abundances of vague navigation.

But whether they win or lose, triumph or fail, listen to this podcast and they will regale you with their tales.

Space Monkeys!

Hello, and welcome to a rare episode of Space Monkeys.

Yeah, boy!

The podcast that happens when Walt Flanagan isn't around.

I don't know where he is now.

He was in Florida, but we're going to miss him.

Yeah.

Because

it's not the same without Walt.

It's not the same without his very liberal left viewpoint.

He's woke.

He's woke.

You're going to not hear Q, his

viewpoints on

breastfeeding in public, which were very progressive, I fear you recall.

You're not going to hear him deny any global climate change.

Right.

Right.

That's sure.

Woke Flanagan won't be back next week.

Woke Flanagan.

Yeah.

We're also recording on Staten Island.

The Belly of the Beast is a rarity.

That's why it sounds different, too, probably.

Yeah, it's going to be a little like sounds not going to be up to snuff as it normally is, unless Deckman works on magic.

Apologize.

There's not much we could do about that.

There's nothing we can do.

Oh, so now your flights are fancy mean more work for me.

They still got no internets.

I haven't had an internet for six weeks.

Yeah, the only room in my house that we could do this in is kind of empty.

At the moment, I cleaned it out, so it's a little echoey.

There's nothing we can do.

What do you want from us?

Well, we're in Staten Island.

Yes.

It took me a while to get here, not because of the drive, but to get to your door through the gauntlet of

Trump signs.

I have no Trump signs on my lawn.

We don't even have a lawn anymore.

They took it.

The trick-or-treaters took it.

No, you know me, man.

I put my support behind Hillary early on in this race.

You did.

There were some that.

Okay, well, first off, if you're new to space monkeys, who knows?

That's what they say, right?

There's a first.

Sure.

Every episode, every issue is a first time.

This originally started, you and I were like, you know what we should do?

We should

start a pod where we can travel

because Walt won't travel and we'll try to get sponsors to pay for it.

And at the time, that seemed ridiculous.

But we were like, that would be cool.

And then it just kind of turned into us

around.

The very first one being when

that older guy was trying to date my niece.

Yeah, I forgot his name.

But yeah,

he was in the inaugural edition.

Peace asshole.

Yeah.

Peace asshole.

Thanks to him.

He'll never know.

He'll never know just how much he's contributed.

Two words, but still.

Very meaningful words.

And Space Monkeys, we normally will address the hot button, hot topic issues that Walt likes to steer clear of.

Yes.

Now,

that's a problem.

Have there been any hot button or hot topic issues this past week?

Kind of leaping to mind.

I just say.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I said, if you recall, I said over a year ago that he was going to win.

People have been posting that.

They've been saying that it was called on Telum Steve Day some time ago.

It wasn't a guess.

I've never strayed from that.

I've always thought he was going to win.

Anybody who was surprised by it just wasn't listening.

Right.

In my opinion, just wasn't listening.

And again, and you and I always come off like we're not liberal guys.

I feel we are.

You know what I mean?

I think

pretty fucking liberal.

We have a lot of disgust for the far right and stuff like that.

Just in recent years, we've developed this disgust for the far left.

Because it went so far.

Yeah.

And

I knew that the far left, I knew that the smug righteousness,

I knew it was going to fuck it for everybody.

I knew it.

They made it that, I'm just repeating what I said a year ago, they made it that people who were going to vote for Trump, one, weren't going to admit it because they didn't want to hear it.

And then, two, if you were on the fence gleefully sticking it to these fucking smug, preachy, far-left cocksuckers, there's almost a joy to vote for Trump.

You know what I mean?

Because the people at that point didn't want to see

him win, they wanted to see her lose.

Because you have young hip liberal Hollywood coming out

and saying, like, hey, and those influence people as

fucking retarded as that is.

Somebody's like, oh my god, Katy Perry likes her.

Well, I guess that means she's awesome.

Yeah.

You don't see many celebrities coming.

I think Chachi, what's his name?

Scott Bayo came out

for Trump wins, but not a lot of people.

Right.

They had a much tougher time getting the A-listers.

Getting A-listers to admit.

But I know some fucking people whose names

people would know who were like, of course I'm voting for Trump.

Like, fucking, like, enough's enough, and blah, blah, blah.

But they'll never say it.

They'll never say it.

No.

You have to hide it.

Vote shaming.

That's where we're at.

Vote shaming.

Vote shaming.

Well, whatever.

It's just, it's gone too far.

It's just went too far.

And

this is what we have to deal with now.

Well,

now, you know, there's this movement.

I'm just looking for something real fast.

Um

there's uh this movement where people

are uh in in Oregon.

They're they're they're rioting for three days now.

Are they really?

Because I guess, you know.

Rioting.

Yes.

Okay.

Now what's crazy, these are white people rioting.

Okay.

This is not your typical like

Black guy got shot.

We're sick and tired of this bullshit.

So we're going to riot.

These are people who

I mean you look at the picture and you're like it's a lot of white chicks college student looks and age you know probably some white guys in there too you can hardly tell the difference because you know

um

uh who who are like uh hashtag not my president right

hashtag is fuck serious business these days

back when uh

When we were young, it was just a button on the phone that you were like, what the fuck is this for?

Wasn't it the pound sign?

Yeah, the pound sign.

Pound sign, but that's all right.

Like, that's one of those things where it's just like...

Well, they're burning down a whole fucking city.

What are you going to do, man?

I don't know what they think it's going to accomplish.

It's not going to accomplish anything.

I mean, I'll give some more advice that nobody wants to listen to because nobody fucking listened to me when I said to cool it.

You got to go for a reasonable fucking conversation, man.

I know it's hard.

I know everybody is angry.

I know everybody's up in arms.

I know everybody thinks that if you vote for Trump, you're racist.

If you didn't vote for Trump, you're this.

If you didn't, like,

I mean,

look,

not a Trump guy,

but I did vote for Trump Ets

on this online poll for my favorite instrument in Big Band.

Right, right.

Trump's trumpeting.

I voted for Clinton back in 96.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's when I voted for it.

Don't forget everyone.

I will make the admission.

And sometimes

there's vote shaming.

Oh, you voted for Trimp?

Yeah.

Trimp.

Trump?

A piece of shit.

Oh, you voted for Clinton?

You're a jerk or whatever.

You vote for nobody.

You don't even go to the polls.

This is pathetic.

You are hardly considered a life form on this.

Me and 50% of the country, basically.

Yeah.

And the reason I didn't go is because it was getting late.

I had something to do with Sage, and I was like, I'm going to go down to the polls, and it's going to be, you know, there's going to be a bunch of people there because everybody gets off work and then they go.

And

my vote won't count anyway.

And as we saw by the popular vote, which it would appear Hillary Clinton won,

it doesn't matter.

Am I right?

Like, I don't know that much about politics.

You know what?

I'm uninformed and ready to admit it.

Not proud of it.

Well, you're a young man, this

is a little time to learn this.

Look, I'm a kid.

I got kid shit to do.

There's a whole adult world out there that's going to take care of this for me.

The skateboards ain't going to skate themselves.

Yeah.

And I believe that a lot of people who go to the polls are wholly uninformed.

Yeah.

You know, you can get informed about your local shit.

You're like, your mayoral, your local.

Staten Island is a big borough, but like the town I lived in, you know, highlands it was like you know 4500 people lived in the town so like you knew both people

and you're like okay well i can sort i i kind of know these people and you can gauge your

your uh

your your you can kind of guess from there where you're gonna go local shit like hey should we fucking legalize weed or should we fucking fix these potholes or well you know allocate money that if she was gonna go to this to this that kind of stuff yeah like i probably should be more informed about that.

As far as the presidential shit goes, like, let's fucking face it.

Like,

this is what the country has done to itself by

the PC shit, the non-stop fucking battering and braying, and if, and, and, and basically shaming, you know, like, if, if, if you don't, like, if you don't vote for Hillary, you're a sexist, you're a misogynist, You're anti-black.

You're anti-this, you're anti-that.

But then the flip side, people are like, well, I want to vote for Trump because I'm so tired of

the same fucking shit, the same status quo.

Hillary is a liar.

I mean, she just is.

She's, you know, I don't even want to use the lesser of two evils here.

It's just like he's an ass clown from a reality show.

She is a career politician who is a proven liar and doesn't seem like a good person from what I, the little bit that I've read.

And I get it.

Women are like a lot of women.

We're like, oh man, it's our time, man.

We're going to get the presidency.

I would be totally fine with that if it were the right woman.

That not that Trump is the right guy because he's not.

Right.

But

get a good president.

Get a good fucking candidate in there, man.

Like somebody who doesn't have so much fucking baggage and all this shit.

And I'm not even the emails.

And people are like, oh, stop bringing up Benghazi.

It's like, why?

Yeah, why?

Why not?

It's a huge part of

someone's fucking history, their backstory.

And you're like, why would I not bring it?

And then suddenly with Trump, it's like 40 women come out at once, like days before the election.

I'm like, oh, yeah, he molested me.

Maybe it's true.

Some of them.

Let's face it.

Probably some of it's true.

uh the like grab them by the pussy comment didn't go over well no i mean it shouldn't have no

now you are uh

you're you're a well-known tv personality yeah

has success gone to your head where you will uh grab them by the pussy no uh of course not but i will tell you this like Without a doubt, I've made jokes and fucking comments that if I were recorded and it was played out of context, people would be like, burn him, burn him at the stake, cancel that TV show.

Without a doubt.

Without a doubt.

It's just the nature of being.

Look, I'm not going to say it's locker room talk, but it's just like, I'm sorry, man.

Like, I grew up blue-collar on a fucking blue-collar borough in New York City.

It's just like, you say shit.

I'm not even talking about just about women.

It's like, you just say fucked up shit just to get a laugh from your friends.

You say fucked up shit constantly to just, to just, because it's dark.

It's a dark humor.

It's just like, not saying that he was joking, and I'm not excusing what he said, but it's just like, I found it hard for me to be like,

I mean, definitely, I was like, I can't believe we have audio of the president of the United States.

He's going to grab a pussy.

Yeah, at least Clinton did it, but never like said it out loud.

It's fucking crazy.

I'm with you there, but it's just like, it was hard for me to be like, what?

How dare he say this?

And blah, blah, blah.

I'm like, like, like, come on.

Like.

But his, the context being, I think, that he was like, look, when you're rich and famous, like, women, not all women, but certain women will gravitate towards you.

Sure.

And it's easy.

It's easy to get a woman when you have fucking billions of dollars.

Obviously, you don't have to be good looking.

His wife is.

Gorgeous.

But you know what?

I'll still give it to Jackie Kennedy.

I still don't think she...

There's something about Jackie Kennedy, man, that I'm like...

So you still hold that torch?

Yeah, man.

Like, look, most fucking first ladies are not,

you know, they're not going going to be on the cover of any, like, Maxim or Glamour or any of that kind of shit.

No, but.

You know, they look like Nancy Reagan.

Sure.

Presidential.

Yeah.

It looks like somebody a fucking 70-year-old guy would be married to.

Now,

would this Melania Trump, would she be married to the Donald if

he were like an electrician?

Who would ever know?

You don't know.

You don't know.

I'm going to say probably not.

Because he's a disturbing-looking human being.

Yeah.

Not when he was younger, though.

Like, he wasn't, you know, he got old, dude.

It's what happens to everybody.

He got old.

The problem that I have, too, is just like that thing of saying, like, well, Trump shouldn't have said that.

And I 100% couldn't agree that it.

It's not what you want your president to be walking around saying.

But

is the goal

of

equality and feminism to stamp out

people talking like that?

Because if so, just give up now.

Because

people,

like I said,

I joke with my friend.

I joke with Stacey all the time.

And she's a girl.

You know what I mean?

And I make stupid jokes and stuff like that.

It's just like, it doesn't mean anything.

I mean, certainly, in my own defense, I'm never like, I'm going to grab you by your Plissy or anything like that.

I'm glad you said that to me earlier.

But it's like you say shit to your friends, you say things in private that it's just like, I just, just, I don't know, man.

I, look, it is what it is.

It's just like, if you, if your goal is to stamp out that type of humor and those type of jokes, it's just like, your cause is lost.

It's just never going to happen.

It's not going to happen.

Right.

It's not.

And it's like,

I don't, you know.

But it's like, even with like Pete Davidson, we were talking to him a couple of weeks back.

We just rip on Staten Island.

It's just like,

do I like it?

No.

But am I going to get fucking worked up that he's making jokes about Staten Island?

It's just like.

And try to censor them and try to

get him to stop.

Like, it's fucking insane.

Why?

Because once you stopped him, you'd have to go after ghost pussy Ledondo because he's just as bad.

I've never seen someone publicly denounce and hate

their hometown,

the place where they currently live,

as much as he does.

I don't understand why he doesn't just move.

And I'm not saying to Manhattan because I know that's expensive, right?

But like, what about, I mean, he's like, he's Ghost Pussy is a

left, left-leaning liberal, right?

Yeah.

So why not move to, say, the Bronx or

Yonkers or Queens or one of these other places where like it's a...

I don't know.

Because he's like, he said the same thing pretty much as Pete Davidson.

Like, you know, it's a bunch of Trump voters, which is like, come on.

Although, I think Trump did win Staten Island on the other break.

Always was Republican.

Yeah, that's what I would adapt.

Yeah, I don't get it.

I mean, I've known Chris a long time.

He's been a friend a long time.

He seemed to never like it here.

So I am like, why?

Why, why are you?

I don't want him to leave because he's my friend and I like having him.

You know what I mean?

But it is that thing of like, why?

I don't even mean like you don't like it.

Leave.

It's like, if you're that unhappy, why are you here?

Leave.

Yeah, it wouldn't be that difficult, really.

Hey, move to Jersey.

We'll take you.

Yeah.

We're a blue state.

Yeah, I don't know.

But

it doesn't appear that

anybody's going to learn any lessons from this election.

No.

Because what happened was, actually, when the election results were announced,

I had to double-check the forecast because I didn't think it was supposed to rain.

It turned out those were all the tears from people crying.

Adults crying that a candidate lost.

Like, people cry for shit like, JFK got shot, 9-11.

You know,

their favorite TV show got canceled, maybe.

But the amount of adults crying, and then they got to post the pictures of themselves crying, or videos of themselves crying.

And it's like, for fuck's sake, you arrogant narcissists, like, come on.

Nobody whose expectations for this country are like better than average

looks at Trump and isn't saying, like, holy shit.

Him?

Yeah.

But really, like I said, it's like we've done it to ourselves.

It's like, what has this country become?

Like, I remember, dude, you were around 9-11.

Yeah.

I was around 9-11.

Like, this area, like, it changed drastically for a little while.

People were nice to each other, like, real nice.

It was a whole different world for like three years.

Totally different world.

Still, like, kind of, but I don't even remember.

I mean, not around me anyway i mean i live in a live in a mostly white town uh anti-muslim stuff you know like i remember at first it's like you know some fucking indian guy who's running a register is getting shot in the chest and he's like what the fuck

like i'm i'm i'm you got like the totally wrong fucking guy like that that's not me And now, like, when Trump gets elected, I keep seeing it over and over again.

We voted for racism.

we voted for homophobia, we voted for blah, blah, blah, we voted for this and that, you know, all the awful shit.

And overnight, America becomes a racist country, a country that just had eight years of a black president, not four years.

We re-elected him.

Yeah, but I mean, look, right, but agreed, I don't know what to say about that.

And this is part of me trying to disconnect from the world at large, I guess, but it's just like,

there is racism, right?

There's plenty of it.

Sure.

So maybe, and I don't know what it's like to,

because honestly,

look, the truth of the matter is Trump being president is only going to fucking benefit me.

It's just going to benefit me because I'm white, you know what I mean?

Because I'm making good money now, and I don't really have anything to worry about.

He's going to cut my taxes.

My hated taxes are going down.

Like, I'm getting a fucking rate, like a hell of a raise now because of it.

You know,

if he creates an atmosphere in the country where people are more inclined to show their more racist side or more free to do that it's not going to affect me at all so i don't know that i don't know what to say about it because it's just like

maybe

this is a big maybe brian but maybe people have an experience that i don't have out there

you know what i mean i don't know you're pretty experienced like maybe they're maybe they're right maybe maybe the country seems racist now maybe the country seems, maybe if you're black or Muslim, like now the country is less friendly to you today than it was yesterday.

I don't know.

If they're saying it, I'm guessing it is.

I will say this.

I have

a very wide range of people in my life, and

nobody in my life is racist.

Nobody in my life

talks like people online talk.

It's insane, right?

And it wasn't coming from, as far as I could see, it's not coming from Trump people.

It is, again, it is these.

I know a guy who

was a Trump, he voted for Trump,

friend of mine.

He was supposed to have a family reunion.

He said the shit he saw online was

from people who, you know, wanted Hillary Clinton, was so vicious, so

angry, so hateful, he was like, I don't

like these guys are talking about me.

But, you know, these people are like, it's because they know, I guess it's on Facebook or whatever the fuck.

They don't know that they're talking about him because they don't know who he voted for.

Right.

But he's like, they're talking about me.

So he's like, fuck this.

He's like, I just canceled the reunion.

He's like,

let's just wait.

Let's give it a little time.

Everybody kill up.

I mean, people, I don't know why everybody was so fucking shocked.

Wasn't it like into the end?

Wasn't it like, well, it's sort of like a dead heat.

like you really don't know who's going to take it.

I think he's such a clown that people are like, he's never going to win.

Yeah.

I don't agree with that.

You know, what are you going to do?

Yeah.

He was.

He's the statement that people made, which is like, fuck you.

Fuck you.

Like, I'm tired of,

you know, when I say I, I don't mean me.

I'm putting myself in the shoes.

But like, people are like, I'm just tired of fucking like

being blamed for fucking everything, man.

White people are like, look, man, like we get it.

We get it.

We're the bad guys.

Like, we get it.

Like, why the fuck am I going to sit here and listen to it?

And then vote someone who is like,

who is who is supporting that?

Well, the leader of the people who are like, all right,

you're white, especially if you're white male.

Here's all the fucking shit that you are.

I don't know you, but here's all the shit that you are.

And I'm not going to just tell you once.

I'm going to tell you day after day.

I'm I'm going to tell you on this site and that site and on Twitter and on Facebook and on fucking Snapchat and Instagram and Tumblr and fucking whatever the fuck else is out there.

And certain people, I guess, were just like,

they're like, I'm not going to fucking vote for him, but I will fucking vote against her.

Because

there is that like

that.

Again, that contingent of people who are like, if you vote for Trump, you're stupid.

You're a fucking idiot.

If you feel this way,

if you disagree with all this shit that I'm putting out there,

I mean, Amy Schumer said it.

Amy Schumer, like, you know, she joked about leaving the country.

That was the other thing, all these celebrities that are going to leave the country.

That happens every time.

Yeah,

nobody goes anywhere.

Right.

You know?

Really, who gives a fuck?

Like, I mean, you look at the celebrities.

There were two guys I didn't want to lose: Sam Jackson and Michael Keegan.

Kean Peale guy.

Key and Peel guy.

Yeah.

Yeah, you don't want to lose the National Treasure.

No, I say that they should be placed under arrest if they try to leave the country just to keep them here because they're awesome.

But other people, it's just like Lena Dunham?

Oh my God.

Put her in a garbage barge and fucking send her out to

send her out to fucking...

You're not a fan of girls?

Oh, yes.

I love girls.

I can relate to it so much.

And she's not one of those fucking obnoxious, condescending fucking know-it-alls who molested her sister.

Yeah.

And if you walk, like you're right, if you walk away from Twitter, you walk away from whatever, it's like, then it's not there anymore.

It's just not there.

Yeah.

It's not there.

Nobody doesn't exist.

Dude, the crew of Impractical Jokers is no joke.

75%

black or Puerto Rican.

Like, our crew is like mainly.

And it's like...

Never once have I ever...

Well, that's only because you hired them through the prison system and for a discounted rate, right?

No, no, no.

They're the best people for the job.

And like, I love them.

They are like family to me.

The crew of impractical joke.

That chick Shea is awesome.

Shay

is one of the best persons anybody will have a meeting in their entire life.

She's talented.

She's smart.

Like, she's the hardest worker I fucking know.

Like, Shay is amazing.

Right.

And my whole crew is like that.

And

race doesn't come into

our relationship at all.

Like, it just doesn't.

Like, we don't, like, they joke with me.

I joke with them.

There's never a thing we, nobody's ever sensitive to anybody, that anybody says, in four fucking six years at this point, of them busting my balls and me busting their balls.

And it's just like, and believe me, dude, when I tell you I am aware of the power levels, I know that I'm their boss, you know what I mean?

I know that technically they work for me.

And I keep that in mind in every single fucking interaction I have with them at first.

And then after a few years, they're just your fucking friends.

And it's just like they can, you know how many times Shay can tell me to just fucking stop doing something and get to do something?

And I listen.

It's just the way it is.

There's no racial tension there's no anything like this so it's just like the second i step offline i don't deal with anything i deal there's no political correctness there's no there's no watching what you say there's no hatred there's no racism there's no anger it's just like everybody just gets a fucking long

so it's if i disconnect myself from online i don't deal with it i just don't deal with it like i don't

What are you going to do?

You can't have fucking.

Look, I'm sorry, man.

It's like you can't have white people turning around and being like, why am I the fucking bad guy now?

And like, the answer is not like, because you're fucking the majority and because you're white and because your ancestors did this.

It's just like,

all right, but you still have a fucking majority of the country going, wait, I'm the bad guy now?

Fuck you.

You know what I mean?

It's just like, and you could, you can make, you could demonize that and you can make that look bad.

It's just like, but where's that going to get you?

It's going to get Trump in office.

It's going to get Trump in office.

Yeah, it got Trump in office.

It got Trump in office.

It was one of the deciding factors.

I saw somebody tweet, like,

what am I supposed to tell my daughter now?

And it's like, well,

tell her

reality.

That's the way the cookie crumbles.

Like, there's a democratic process.

We've decided on democracy.

Bernie tried to slip some socialism in there, but it didn't work.

Unless you want to live under a different political system, it's democracy.

He got elected

for whatever different reasons, but it's like,

just tell her, like, like, explain it to her.

And also, it's just like, what are you talking about?

Like, what do I tell her?

I don't know.

Have a conversation with your kids.

Yeah.

Or if they're too young to understand, just be like, shut up, like my father used to.

Like, why are you figuring out yourself?

In what world is that my concern, what you have to tell your kids?

I don't give a fuck what you tell your kids.

It doesn't matter to me.

Like, so stop asking me.

This is why I got it.

This is why I stay offline, Brian.

This is why.

Hot button, baby.

Hot button.

I know, but I don't like it.

I don't want to be involved in hot buttons now.

It's like, I just don't.

I just don't.

Because I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore.

Oh, no.

That's what I said.

Like, I'm uninformed.

So if anybody's like, oh, you should have voted.

It's like, no, I shouldn't, because I don't know anything about it.

You know what I do?

I sit home and

I play Call of Duty, Infinite Warfare.

Oh, how is that?

It's pretty good.

Yeah?

Yeah, I like it.

What do you have it for?

Xbox One.

Is that the one that takes place in space?

Yeah.

There's a bunch of space.

Wait, now, are you online doing it or are you?

12-year-old shoot you to fucking death in two seconds?

I will literally throw the fucking system right through my TV screen.

I'm not a good video game player in terms of skill and in terms of patience.

Yeah.

Like, i've broken more controllers because it just fucking drives me crazy but wait so you're telling me if today i went to buy infinite warfare you and i tonight could go online and and and and

yeah we could probably play together why don't we do that all right let's do that tonight and then you'll mock me and be like you're right

i'm fucking old now too dude i don't know what i'm doing anymore like i want it like walt says it about hockey he's like i go on he was like and and like in it within two seconds i got an hl 16 and i'm just like just just 17 actually and i'm just destroyed My nephew stopped playing with me a while ago, like the original Call of Duty, because

I scared him.

I would become so enraged, he's like, he's going to turn it on me.

And

he would just stop playing.

And I can't even say that

he was wrong.

He probably made the right decision because I'm incapable of controlling my anger at something so meaningless.

You know?

Hold on, one second.

Hold on, one second.

Oh, here we go, man.

There's nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Come on.

No one will argue.

No one will argue.

Yeah.

The

putting on a new pair of underwear is like not the best feeling in the world.

Like, you remember the first.

Are we talking about Meonis?

What are we talking about?

Let me tell you something about the Meonies.

I've told them several times that I need boxer shorts, and we're going on over a year now of getting boxer briefs sent to my house.

This is a disrespect.

It has become untenable.

I want to be able to talk about how much I love Miyundis, but I'm unable to do it and talk about my own snugness.

I can only parrot what they're saying here.

And the audience knows when I care.

The audience knows, like, vanilla granola.

You remember how I lost my ball shot off my body?

I was so excited about vanilla granola.

You got very excited about that granola.

Fucked to the point.

Yeah, I was going to have you involuntarily committed.

Nature Box was about to face a lawsuit for getting you hooked on vanilla granola.

That's good.

Loot crate, I love.

And let me tell you,

I get the

boxer briefs, and I feel them, and they feel lovely.

Right.

But I can't report on how a boxer feels because I'm not able to wear it.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know.

I'm going to solve this problem for you.

This week,

I'm going to talk to my friends at Myonde's who they sent me a few pairs a while back.

What?

And now I can't imagine wearing anything else.

It makes every day that much better.

Let me tell you something, Myonde's.

I think you're overreaching here.

Like, when you're talking about someone with clinical depression,

underwear is like not a high priority unless you're using it to fucking hang yourself from or after.

And they are strong, they're made from some kind of Pima cotton.

Like, you get, you get, like, Haines,

like, you're gonna, like, after a while, you're gonna fall, and then you're just gonna be brain dead.

You try to hang yourself with meundies,

your job is done, you're done, yeah.

It's over.

We're not saying you should hang yourself, but if you do do it, you snap a picture.

Yeah, take a selfie.

You hang yourself, yeah.

But do not,

do not kill yourself.

No.

But if you do, first hashtag me six feet on DC.

But don't.

Yeah, don't do it.

Reach out to someone.

Look, if I haven't fucking offed myself by now, how bad could your life be that

you can't make it?

Don't be such a fucking puss.

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Because that would hold me back.

I'll tell you what, if fucking Hitler took the presidency

and they're like, well, we don't ship to any other country but America, I'd be like,

I mean, they are pretty soft.

You'd be a good American.

Yeah.

So so far, meundis is going to be happy with this ad because I've complained about not getting the right free stuff.

We told you if you're going to hang yourself, use me on on these.

And now you're saying, Hitler himself, can somebody please do me a favor and buy me on these just so they don't fucking think that we're a couple of assholes.

Yeah, if somebody just bought, look, you're going to get 20% off your first order.

All you have to do is go to meandies.com slash T-E-S-D.

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You have nothing to lose.

You have nothing to lose.

Do you know how infrequent that is in life that you're like, hey, I've got nothing to lose?

Never happens.

Yeah.

It's almost

never, ever happens.

But in the case of Myundi's.

Nothing to lose.

You got nothing to fucking lose.

Yeah.

Only shit to gain.

So what the fuck, man?

How much more do I got to say about this?

No, then we're done.

I mean, we're done.

Yeah.

All right.

We were thorough.

Okay.

We took a short break, Q.

Yes.

You had a very important phone call, so let's just take a minute here to talk about something non-political, non-incendiary, something everyone can get behind.

Are we being incendiary?

I'm trying not to be.

Some people will see it as incendiary.

How so?

Because you're not saying

100%

I'm behind Hillary.

I'm with her.

Hashtag on.

Behind who?

Behind her in what way?

She's gone.

Or weren't behind her before.

We're behind her now.

Behind fucking Dukakis.

There are some who blame the impractical jokers for this election.

Really?

Because

it was revealed you may have had her on the show,

but it was because

not because she turned you down, but because you guys turned her down.

You didn't want to appear partisan.

We didn't turn her down.

We would have had her on if she fucking.

No, so

my deep throat source is

correct, huh?

There were people.

You're wrong, Ghostbuster.

Is that what he said?

Yeah.

No, she didn't.

There were people who were like,

because I tweeted that Ghostbusters tweet.

That was funny.

I thought it was the fucking funniest.

I thought it was a home run shot right down the fucking middle.

But people were upset at that.

How could you joke at a time like this?

The world just ended, Q.

Yeah.

How many joke?

And then I let a couple of days go by.

I didn't say anything.

And then I just started answering a couple of questions on Twitter.

And people were like, Are you really not going to say anything about the election?

And I almost typed, Why the fuck does anybody care what one of the guys on a paracle jokers has to say about the election?

But then I was like, I'm gonna get shit for saying that, right?

So I didn't say anything.

They looked to you.

Well, it's about role models.

That was my original point earlier.

The guy who's like, What do I tell my daughter?

You know, like

Hillary Clinton was, you know, gonna be a role model.

To which I would say, just like Barkley said fucking years ago,

look for fucking role models within your community, people you know, not somebody that's the fucking president who has a pretty fucking checkered past.

Um,

role model, female role model,

first person that comes to my mind, Debbie Chen.

And that is not, that's no bullshit.

Yeah, Debbie Chen is, Ming's wife is one of the sweetest, nicest,

uh, like most down-to-earth, intelligent, intelligent, wildly

what's up with his fucking idiotic bullshit.

How?

I don't know.

But

that's a mark against her.

Yeah, that's her only black, that's her, that's her only strike.

But someone who's like very active in like school, and Sage just joined Debbie, like Debbie's the Denmom or Girl Scout leader, whatever you call me.

Sage joined her troop.

Like, she's just a fucking great person.

What's wrong with telling your daughter, like,

okay, here's

a woman who's running for president, who's, you know, done a bunch of,

Hillary has done a bunch of good stuff too, obviously.

But you don't fucking know.

You don't, you don't really know.

Well, she's a career politician.

Yeah.

Like,

what does that tell you about anybody?

Yeah, but the problem is nobody knows who Debbie Chen is.

So how could anybody see her?

Especially me.

I think everyone knows it.

So, you know.

But

not just Debbie Chen, I mean, your communities, Debbie Chen, your neighborhoods, Debbie Chen.

You know?

That's what I say.

Like, why is everyone always looking to famous people?

I mean, so many girls, like

their role model, or the people like Kim Kardashian, or one of these idiots who you know, like, oh my God, I could be like Kendall and Kylie Jenner.

They're models.

I can be like this one.

Like, because everyone wants to be rich and famous.

That's like the, that really is the American dream, and

that's why

we have such a fucking shallow pool to choose from.

Because

many, you know, many people are just, and look, I'm saying this: we're both on shows that would be considered reality,

you know, but at least at least it's not faked drama.

You know, it's not bullshit.

It's not like you know, the Kardashians, like every fucking phone conversation they have, you, I would almost think their phone was broken, and they could only turn it on speakerphone.

Every fucking conversation, Yeah, I don't know.

Black China and Rob Kardashian had a kid.

Who gives a fuck?

Who cares?

Who care, man?

A lot of people care.

So many people care.

It's unbelievable.

But wasn't it always that way?

I mean,

back in the day, sure,

when...

The talkies first started, you know, people would be interested in movie stars and stuff, you know, golden age shit.

But it's just more and more people, their

their view of like what i mean the american dream has changed quite a bit it's that's why we have ridiculous terms like instagram star right how the fuck look youtube star there's a there's a girl i forget her name but she has a netflix special on called like haters back off or something okay and she started that character on youtube and she got some followers and then she eventually got a netflix special now i watched that netflix special and i liked it a lot.

I liked the girl.

I thought she was funny.

I thought the material was funny.

It was like eight episodes, I think.

I actually enjoyed it.

Now, that's someone who's not just taking pictures of their ass, which is what most Insta.

What else can you do on Instagram?

You take pictures of yourself.

I like pictures of ass.

Of course you do.

We all do.

But does that make you a star?

Yes, it does.

Some people,

millions of followers, just taking a picture of their ass every day.

Yeah.

That won't happen for me.

I can't get any sort of fame that way.

But do you want fame?

No.

No.

Because I think if you put a picture of your ass up every day, you might get some.

I might get some followers.

It might go viral.

Yeah.

I don't know, man.

I think that you and I just got old, dude.

I think it's that thing.

Definitely old.

Like, like that cannot relate to like i said i see these people crying and i'm like i didn't cry at my grandmother's funeral i can't remember the last time i cried out of something

that wasn't like

oh my god i i like internal

you know like a depression or like rampant anxiety to where i'm just like oh my god i'm gonna fucking kill myself i can't take it but outside stuff like i mean a fucking election but don't you think that comes down to the fact that you're, like I said, like, we are middle-aged white dudes.

We're doing fine.

The election outcome really isn't going to affect us anyway, but positively.

But I don't, but we,

is it on, is it us just not

walking a mile in other people's shoes?

Like, there are people that

this loss of Hillary Clinton is going to affect?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know what she would have.

Well, I mean, come on, man.

Like,

his whole thing against political correctness,

you can see how people can misinterpret that and abuse that.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Well, you've seen some of it.

Like, you know, there have been some people that have

done some unkind things since then.

I'm a Trump supporter, therefore, blah, blah, blah.

Fuck you Muslims.

But then you see shit like a girl from some college I think it was in Louisville wherever it was like oh a guy in a Trump hat or something ripped my hejim off and turned out she was lying

she was lying yeah but that's one person right no no no I agree I mean I'm sure there are plenty of people who like you know who did take the win as I mean certainly the KKK that's the other thing the KKK while endorsing Trump doesn't mean that he accepts their endorsement No, but I think the problem was he wasn't exactly like till later on.

Like when they first endorsed him, he was just, wasn't he just silent on the matter?

Wouldn't you be like, I mean, immediately, wouldn't you be like, come on, you guys.

There's like six people left in the KKK.

You look back in the 40s and shit, the marches they used to have, it's insane how many people were in the KKK.

Now that it's like, it just seems like a couple of hillbillies.

It is a couple of hillbillies.

Right.

Who the fuck would...

Dude.

But what if the KKK, if they were really smart, what they would have done is say, like, no, we endorse Hillary.

And then, right?

Yeah, it wouldn't have mattered.

Obviously, it wouldn't have mattered either way.

Yeah,

I don't know, dude.

I just don't think they're a force to be reckoned with.

I agree.

I don't think they're a force to be reckoned with.

But in

my neighborhood where I live,

I'll tell you what.

And this is no lie.

I am ostracized by the white man.

You?

White people will ostracize.

Is this because you're one-tenth black, Miss?

I think they may know.

I think they look at me.

Yeah.

There's a girl.

She's probably in her early twenties.

She moved in recently.

And on three separate occasions, she has

like we've gotten like later at night, we've gotten to like in the parking lot at the same time.

Yeah.

And there's no doubt in my mind that she is purposely like waiting until I walk to

my place before she walks.

Like she she does not want to like

be in any sort of like proximity of me.

Well, Well, you think it's you or she doesn't want to be in the parking lot with a strange male three times her size

where she can't see him.

How do you know she's not a fatty?

Maybe she's only like twice my size.

Well, I was just going by the average male-to-female ratio.

Yeah, I mean, that's possible.

It's totally possible.

That's what I'm saying.

Like, you could walk through that parking lot without thinking about it.

She can't.

Oh, no, I think about it.

Oh, yeah.

There's a couple of, I always have a weapon on me.

Always.

There's There's a couple of areas where I'm like, ah, somebody could jump out here.

You know, stuff has gotten stolen out of cars, that kind of thing.

But my point being...

Okay, so now take that and add the fact that you're a woman.

Like, it's dangerous, dude.

But if I were, say, like a handsome Wall Street banker, she's still nervous?

Yeah, I bet you probably not as nervous, but

I bet you there's always an element of

because you're an idiot if you don't.

You gotta be careful.

You gotta be be careful even though i live on the same floor two doors down from her

she sees me with didn't you have a fucking meth lab underneath you

of last year

um

was it did i where did you have to move because it was a fucking meth lab or something like that

that was a meth lab somebody was smoking in fact that that's my newest problem is like i it's driving me crazy

like i open the windows try to get a nice little cross breeze going and somebody smokes yeah and i've on numerous occasions, tried to investigate, and I can't tell where it's coming from.

But they're not going to stop.

No, they're not going to stop.

But I just want to know.

I just want to know who's doing it because I'm like,

at the rate they smoke, I don't even give a fuck if they're 20.

They're going to die of cancer by the time they're 22.

Dude, it's insane how much this person smokes.

It's all day, like wafted in the window.

But anyway, about the

stupid white people in my complex.

So I exclusively only hang around with black people.

Yeah, but what do you say?

I'll tell you in a second.

You say it's cool because you have a black friend?

No, no.

More than one black friend.

A couple of black friends.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

All right, we're going to have to get back to you in a second.

We're going to leave you with a cliffhanger right here.

Okay.

That's my doorbell for anybody who.

Sounds like a Walt's cell phone.

Q.

Yes.

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All right, we're back.

The shit.

The rhythm.

The rhythm.

It may have been broken a little bit.

I do remember what I was talking about, though.

Okay.

I was talking about being shunned by whites

and

how

only

black people will talk to me.

So that's who I hang out with around the complex.

And one guy, he's 24, and he told, he said, 24-year-old guy,

he's glad Obama's out.

He's glad Trump is in.

He said it was eight years of no hope.

He's tired of that shit.

Okay.

That's what he said.

Why was, because I liked Obama.

Why not?

I think Obama Obama was charismatic.

Yeah.

Funny guy.

This is a guy who made a joke.

He sucks so bad at bowling that he could be in the Special Olympics.

Did Obama say that?

He said that.

That's the president I want.

That's the guy that I would love to keep having.

I'm not sure what he did or didn't do during the administration as I was drugged out most of the time.

You lost four four more years.

Yeah.

Yeah, my four more years because I don't remember the past four.

But I have heard out people like, oh, Trump's going to repeal Obamacare.

Now,

I get it.

People need health care and shit.

I didn't have health care for a long time.

But universally, you talk to any doctor and they're like, Obamacare is awful.

Really?

It was written by politicians.

Very little input from the medical community.

And I mean, I know people who have Obamacare, and

it's not great.

I mean, it's free.

It's not great.

And I think that's the way they do it in the UK, right?

And Canada.

It's like a tier system.

Like, you can get it for free.

But you could pay for it.

For like higher levels or whatever.

Well,

I pay like $600 a month, close to five in change.

And it's just the worst.

And that's the worst coverage.

That's the lowest coverage I can get.

Yep.

I pay $4.50, I think.

I have Oscar, who's pulling out of New Jersey because they said they can't make any money there.

The whole, I mean, the whole medical.

So why am I still paying for it?

I don't know.

Because I thought the whole point was we were supposed to.

I agree that

medical should be free.

That's something I think should be.

To me, it's like you don't pay for fire, you don't pay for police.

Why are you paying for doctors?

That's how I feel.

Well, you did pay

through taxes, though, right?

Yeah, but don't we pay.

Dude, see, here's the problem dude i don't know fucking anything so i don't know what's uninformed yet another disclaimer yeah

it's not even that well first of all i don't think we said anything that well anybody can get mad at anything but it's just like onside of that it's just like at the end of the day it's like i want to be a good person you know what i mean but i i i guess it's just by my own standards but i like to think that my standards are okay and then also i don't fucking know enough because i'm just so fucking busy working all the goddamn time that i don't have I don't have the time to look into medical.

I don't really have too much time to pay attention to politics.

Like, so I don't know.

I don't, I don't even know what to say about any of the election besides, like, I hope he does a fucking good job.

You know, it is kind of fun to see people, like, the sanctimonious people get fucking, you know, brought down a few pegs.

It's been said time and time again.

They're like the tolerant left, and then you see people like, fuck you.

These are white, young white,

mostly young white girls.

They seem to be very pissed.

Yeah.

Fuck you, white America.

It's like, do you not consider yourself a part of white America?

You're a white person.

Yeah, I guess.

And that's how they're saying, like, not all white people are like that.

But it's like,

who doesn't know that?

Like, why is that even a thing?

I don't know.

But it's the same generalization as Pete Davidson or Ghost Post making about Staten Islanders.

They include everyone,

even you guys, even the beloved Jokers.

Yeah.

But what about like

doesn't everybody do the same thing?

Because when we're like, oh, these fucking millennials, isn't that the same thing?

Yeah, that's okay, though.

That's your position?

You know what?

On Twitter, I've seen quite a few millennials who are not crybabies.

Oh, my God.

But when you need to,

like, I was talking to Owen, and his mom is a professor, Owen Benjamin.

And he's like, it's like what goes on on these campuses is just crazy, man.

Like

the safe space shit.

We've discussed that ad nauseum.

But, you know, like

they need like grief counseling because Trump won the presidency.

It's like, what a fucking bunch of pussies, man.

That seems out there.

Like, come on.

That's.

Can you imagine being that soft that you go to a grief counselor or, you know, you're traumatized?

Like, some shit I read, and I'm like, I'm not sure if it's true or not.

They're like,

one college

to relieve the anxiety, gave them Play-Doh and adult coloring books to work on.

Now, I don't know if that's true or not.

I'd like to think it wasn't.

Here's Play-Doh to work out your feelings about Donald Trump.

I mean, that is, all right, so that is like,

you know know what I mean?

Because I also know a lot of millennials, and none of them would do that.

Right.

They would all laugh at that.

So it's got to be like.

Is it just the vocal minority on

social media?

Because it's like at the end of the day.

But

we want to be aware of.

No, we didn't go on.

Like, if you didn't.

That's the thing.

I just stopped going on.

So I don't really.

So really, like, going on the thing of like my interactions with millennials, it's just like, well, they all seem like good kids to me.

But when you hear about that safe space shit, that's when I'm just like,

God, what's wrong with you people?

Yeah.

It's strange how

it's picked up such steam.

Like,

you know, even when we went to school, like, that would be roundly mocked.

I mean, I wouldn't leave somebody alone.

You would eliminate

anything safe for them.

They would create safe spaces to get away from it.

Because I'd be like, seriously?

Like, seriously, you can't just talk about this shit.

I mean, I don't want to talk about it.

Yeah.

Well, you're not allowed to talk about it.

Well, let me ask you something.

Do you

like

it's what I tried to say to you when you were talking about that bridge thing a couple of weeks back, where I was like, you're never going to go on that bridge.

You'll never need to cross that bridge.

Right.

So why do you, so like, why do you even care?

And I get the same way.

I'm not like singling you out.

I get the same way where I'm just like.

The only reason I care is because like just, I mean, if they, if I could be instantly transported there just to ask them the shit that somebody won't ask them, which is like,

how do you not see this

as being intolerant?

Like, how do you see this as helping?

Like, that's what I want to get.

Like, are you punishing people?

And that's why they can't, like, you're going to punish white people?

They can't use the bridge, like, hey, man, we're going to, like,

because all I hear is

the preaching about, you know, equality and homophobia and sexism and racism, and blah, blah, blah, and all this other stuff.

Yet the actions

online and the shit you read about seems awfully.

Yeah, I think that I don't know.

I don't have the answer.

Because I also read, when I read things, what makes me check out, and this is why this is one of the things that I'm just like, I'm getting old, is like you, you see those things where they're like, it's not up.

They don't even, when I say they, I don't know even who I mean.

But

to me,

you read, like, you can read these articles online about how to become an ally, as they say, to,

you know,

minorities or people.

You know what I'm saying?

Like,

how do you help out changing inequality and stuff like that?

And it's always like one of the first things is just like,

well, don't ask.

Like, it's not up to

the oppressed to explain to you why they're oppressed.

You should go to a class.

You should read books.

Oh fuck.

Now I got to go to college.

That's it.

And that's the thing where I'm just on the bridge then.

Right.

And I got to walk around the wrong way.

And when I got to the knees, I'm old.

Look at me.

But when I read stuff like that, I'm just like, okay, well, that's just like that.

And believe me, I completely understand what they're saying, but at the same time, it's just like we do live in the real world, and it's just like, I'm not doing that.

I'm sorry.

like i'm not doing it i'm like i'm not gonna do it like i i will i will despite my in my good intentions and despite my desire for everybody to sort of have a level playing field there's just i'm just i just can't put in that work i'm sorry you could and you could get involved and i would get involved in like a rational discussion about it again like like my uh my buddy luke who uh he's um huge in the motorcycles he invited me to ride with an all-black club this spring i can't wait, man.

That's cool.

Yeah.

He was in the military.

He was part of the anti-terror squad, all this shit, man.

So he's a guy that I talk to about that kind of stuff.

Cause I'm curious, well, what's your opinion on

black guys getting shot by cops and all this stuff?

So like, but this is a guy that I could sit there and for hours.

This is me.

Yeah.

Sit there for hours and talk to him

because he's interesting and I like to talk to him like that's how I would like to hear it not in a fucking college class where I'm being fucking mad dogged by fucking

like 20 year old white girls who are like oh what's up patriarchal pig

and I'm like come here I'll grab you by your pussy

do you think he really ever did like do you think he literally like grabbed ever would just walk like I wouldn't put it past him but I

I I wouldn't find it hard to to believe if he owned the beauty pageant, he was backstage at the beauty pageant, he had a level of power over him, and he just reached out and grabbed a pussy.

If somebody told him like that's crazy, that's true.

It's fucking nuts.

It's nuts.

That's crazy.

Yeah, nobody should have to deal with that.

I worked in a movie theater.

I must have told this story before.

But there was a guy.

who he was weird.

He was prematurely gray.

His hair was totally gray at like 24.

And he was like a weird, like sort of hunchy, like, socially awkward guy.

And the changing rooms, like, for some reason, the people had to change there.

They couldn't just bring their outfits and wear their whatever, their uniform.

And there was a girls' changing room and a guy's changing room.

And whenever the girls were changing, he just happened to be walking by when the door was open.

Yeah, like he got called out on it.

And then

he went the old like porkies, like, drill a hole in the wall.

And I was like, yeah, he eventually got fired.

But this same scumbag, Yeah, this same scumbag

tried to get me in trouble for not counting boxes of candy at the end of the night.

Because I'm like, I'm sure they're all there.

So I would just write the number.

Like, that's my crime.

Right.

And then this fucking pervy little fuck.

And I remember when it happened, one of the other managers was like, it was all guys and then one black lady who, look, this is just the way it was.

She worked for one day, stole a whole bunch of money out of the safe, and then we never saw her again.

But it was just like all guys and one of the guys, one of the guy managers was like, hey, this,

you know, I won't say his name, but, you know, we got to, you know, sort of stick together on this so the company doesn't get sued.

And I looked at him, I said, are you crazy?

Like,

what are you talking about?

I literally, I was like, why would I stand up for him?

But they did.

They had like, it wasn't cultish, but they had a very, they're very proud of working for National Amusements.

Yeah.

I think it was owned by Summoner Redstone or something and i'm like if anybody asked me about this motherfucker and this is independent of his candy accusations i would have been like

i would have been like no he did do it he's a fucking weirdo yeah like why would i say otherwise i'm i'm like stick together as manager like the the fucking

the thin popcorn line of fucking like get the fuck out of here man but you see i think that like that is what that is something that you and I would never have to deal with, right?

Some pervert trying to fucking peek you while you're changing.

Oh, I don't know, man.

I've been working out.

I'm pretty sure that this is going to be a concern of mine very soon.

People are going to be peeking at you.

Peeking or not.

Yeah.

Sleep creeping me.

All that.

No, nobody is.

Nobody's peeking at.

Yeah.

It's largely guys.

Like, very rarely

would you find a chick walking by trying to

sneak a peek of some dong.

I seriously doubt it.

So then what is

all right, so we've already agreed.

So then we've identified that women have to deal with something that we don't have to deal with.

Right.

And they do it on a large scale every day.

What, Brian Johnson, are we to do to help these women out?

Because apparently it's not enough anymore just to be like, well, I don't do it.

That's my answer, though.

I know.

I I don't do it.

And that's good.

I think that's good.

But

what more could you do?

Realistically, not as a joke.

Like, what more, like take out, take out the feminists, like the

take out the bullshit you see online.

Take out the crying fucking nonsense that annoys you.

So, how do I encourage other guys to stop peeping and creeping?

Yeah.

There is none.

There is no way you can even slow it down, let alone stop it.

The only way that you can do it is if you are

like say you're a dad

and

you tell your son like hey peeping and creeping right

and that's the way you raise them now that being said there are a bunch of other guys out there that are like hey peeping and creeping is where it's at or your kid is going to be like fuck that like he's curious or whatever when he's young or he's just like a deviant like a fuck up

like you're either that person or you're not.

Like you're

like take it a step further,

like rapists.

Like that's something inside a person.

And I know it's, you know, it's in vogue to say that every guy is a rapist.

They're not.

I don't know anybody who's.

I've only committed half a rape one time, and that was to teach Edgar a lesson.

And halfway through, I took mercy.

I honestly,

I don't know it.

I don't know what you can do.

The internet has opened it up so

people can say whatever they want, and they say horrible things and they say fucked up shit.

A lot of times it's just to get a rise out of

people.

But I don't know.

You're a chick.

I don't know.

My whole life,

this summer I was walking with some of the girls from the crew.

I told them I was in New York and it was...

Like that past weekend, it was the first time I ever saw a woman get cat called.

No, I'm fucking 48 years years old.

I grew up in suburbs.

I mean, excluding Muse.

But in real life, like, I'd never actually seen it.

And it was some dude, I was like, down in the village.

Some guy leaned out of his window and he said something to this lady.

And he was like doing that, like, that, like, lean out of the car window.

And she, like, turned around and looked at him.

He said something else.

And he could see in her face, whatever he said wasn't, you know, welcome.

And she just walked away.

First time I had ever seen it.

But Edgar, who works on

construction crews, he's the foreman.

He said it's not really that uncommon for construction workers to like yell stiff out and whistle.

But he said on his crew,

he was like, if people do that, I tell them to knock it off.

Oh, that's good.

He said, if I have to tell them twice, then they're gone.

Nice.

And he was like, but they gave.

Edgar's woke.

Yeah, but he's like, this stupid fucking thing is a union like you know because they uh Edgar's woke

he's been fucking asleep since fucking 1978

they gave all the construction workers these stickers that they have to put on their helmets so like if you got cat called I guess there's like an identification number oh really but he's like it's so fucking stupid these stickers are so little he's like these guys are two stories up and like yo maybe you know so he's like it's it's pointless so he sort of has to

spearhead the

that's pretty good that he does that, though.

I mean, I know that it's an issue because like every girl I've ever dated has been like, it's fucking just walking from my apartment to the subway is like, there's always just a guy with something to say.

What is it?

I don't know.

I wouldn't, like, I'm not social.

I'm not overly friendly

with people I don't know.

But there's never been a part of me that's like, let me yell something out the window to a stranger.

Like, I don't know,

does it ever pay at all?

Yeah, is there, does it pay off?

I don't know.

I mean, I may have been, look, I may have been driving with the fucking windows up and a red light, and a girl walks by and been to myself, and like, oof,

we'll get her later.

Let me stalk.

No, definitely.

You see, like a nice ass go by, like, oh, nice.

But it would never occur to me to roll down a window and be like, hey, today.

Especially now.

So I don't know what to do.

Like,

I don't know what to do to help.

It also wouldn't matter.

No matter how much you tried to help, no matter what that matters.

You will always be a white, cis, scum, misogynist, sexist piece.

I'm not even talking about that.

I'm going to be that no matter what.

But let's say,

despite that, I'm still like, all right, I understand some people,

just by the fact that I'm white,

cis, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, am a bad guy, but like that shouldn't change who I am.

So let's say I was still like, well,

I want to help out.

Right.

You got to take a college close.

I'm not doing that.

That I can't do.

I am sorry.

You can't even do like an online college, like maybe do it in your spare hours.

I wouldn't do it.

I got to help on my terms.

But I want to help.

Yeah.

I just don't know how.

Can I just give somebody some money?

I mean, can't I

feel my taxes cover this somewhere?

I don't even, like, I don't, like I said, I don't know anyone who does it.

So I can't even say, like, hey, that's not cool.

That's true.

Like, none of my friends would do it.

So what do I do?

I don't know, man.

It's not enough to be a good person.

You've got to be proactive, too.

Yeah, we're too old for that.

We're just too old.

Too old for proactive.

That's up to anybody from like

15 to like, say, 30 before reality sets in and they're like, oh my God.

Life's too exhausting to worry about this shit and that's never going to change anyway.

You got to first take care of the shit that's, you know, immediately important to you.

And then if you've got some time for social issues, why not?

Yeah.

If I woke it up.

And then you get woke.

Yeah.

And then you get to have that label.

And even then, it'll be taken away.

Somebody'll take it away from you.

I'm taking it away from Flanagan.

You can't take it away from Flanagan.

The emails pour it it in, dude.

Yeah, that's true.

The one email blew up the server.

So you think that people are not going to like this episode?

I mean, it's not

Tom Steve Dave.

It's not overly humorous.

It's also

a divisive topic, though.

I really have no opinion one way or the other.

Like most things, I'm indifferent and apathetic.

I don't think Trump is, of course, going to be a shitty president.

I think Hillary Clinton would have been a shitty president.

I think nothing will really change in everyone's day-to-day life.

Like, day-to-day, I think most people should like things will probably be the same.

Well, he's elected.

He's our president.

Well, unless you hashtag it.

So somehow that means something, not my president.

So now...

Now that he's a president and I'm going to accept that he's a president and hope he does a good job, can I take joy in him lowering my taxes?

Of course.

Then I'm going to.

Because if there's one fucking bright spot in this shit, it's that my fucking taxes won't go down under this.

Thank fucking God.

Because let me tell you something.

I was with Hillary for everything except for that whole fair share bullshit.

I was like, fuck you.

Fuck you.

Yeah.

I mean.

Fuck your fair shit.

I already pay what's not fair.

That's what I said.

Yeah.

At what point does it become Bernie socialist type shit?

You know that when before Reagan took office,

that the top tier, you want to guess how much the top tier tax was?

What percentage the government took from you legally?

I'll go, I'll shoot laws at 25%.

70%.

70%.

When Reagan took office, the top tier was at 70%.

Could you fucking imagine?

70 cents out of every dollar you make, the government's like, give me.

You have no choice.

It's fucking criminal.

And now we're at 40%.

And by the way, that's still criminal, man.

40%.

Fucking criminal.

40% is allowed when you can.

Okay, you take into account federal, and then you got your state, and then you got your sales tax.

Right.

Property tax.

And then you got your property tax.

And then you got this tax.

And then the hidden tax is like tolls.

Yeah.

And, you know, tax on, you know, depending on what state you live in, tax on clothes, tax on food.

You know, oh, this drink has bubbles in it.

No, let's tax it.

It's nuts.

It's out of control.

Yeah.

And then you hear that they're losing, they just, the military loses billions of dollars, or we give Iraq billions of dollars.

And I'm like, fuck you, man.

Like, fuck you.

It's not even about like, I don't want people who don't work getting my money.

It's like, that's the least of the fucking problems.

Yeah.

So to me, it's just like the one bright spot is: I'm just like, if this guy, even though it's self-serving to him, comes in and lowers my taxes, I'm like,

fuck, all right, man.

At least there's a silver lining for BQ.

And that's really all that matters.

I feel that's what most of the country cares about at the end of the day.

I mean, you're part of one of the most beloved comedy troops of all time.

I think that many people are willing to make personal sacrifices so that you can have a little bit more coin in your pocket.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know, man.

Look, it's a fucking rigged system.

All those people who thought like they're, oh my God, my life would have been so much better under Hillary Clinton.

No, it wouldn't.

It wouldn't.

Because you're not part of that system.

Most of us are not part of that system.

Yeah, I just wonder, though, if the fact that he, because you do see

people

immediately online, are like,

look, there are fucking racist lunatics who are like, already like, Trump won, you guys are fucked.

You know what I mean?

Like, you see it.

I know people who fucking upset it.

You know what I mean?

It's like,

it's so, I don't know.

It's like that, that is, I think that's one of those things, Brian, that you and I are not going to have to deal with.

But there are people who are just like,

this is fucking crazy.

Like, like he's giving, he's giving permission to racists to be racist just by being in office.

Yeah, but those people were going to, like, that was their excuse.

Again, those are people that were going to do that shit anyway.

Right.

You know, but now it's.

You know, they get emboldened a little bit.

A little bit, yeah.

Like,

now there's a

cause almost, you you know, right?

I don't get it, man.

Because at least the fucking lunatics who are online crying and hashtagging and planning marches against Trump, like at least, even though I don't agree with the way they go about it, at least

they're wrong in the right direction, if that makes sense.

You know,

like the fucking crazy ass racists who are just like,

like, they're wrong in the wrong direction.

you know.

Yeah, that's fucking weird.

But then they post, like, I just saw something online.

It's like some lady on a bus or whatever, yelling about Muslims and shit, how they're all stalkers.

And it's like,

okay, so you're going to, not even all terrorists, stalkers.

So you're going to take the ramblings of a lunatic woman

on a public bus and say, well, this represents the whole of,

you know, say Trump supporters or whatever.

But that's, you know,

that's what happens, is that these sweeping generalizations are made by the actions of a few people.

Now,

I read an article down in New Orleans.

Protest starts, and then black people are spray painting dye whites, dye on, like, monuments and shit like that.

And I didn't know if maybe it was the Latin D,

whites, D, like in the Simpsons.

You know?

I don't know.

But again, like, but according to, like, you can't even, but that's obviously just a group of people.

Yeah.

I'll tell you what, where I live, not one black guy has pre-painted it anywhere, as far as I can tell.

You know, as far as I can see, like you say, like the millennials.

Ah, fuck the millennials.

But when you meet a lot of them,

they're totally

nobody's in a safe space.

Nobody's, you know,

triggered and shit.

i don't know

nothing's gonna change nothing nothing's gonna fucking change it's that's the news everyone that's what we were trying to tell you and

even this podcast is fucking ridiculous because our voices are just too more in the choir of like here's what we think about american politics

i mean you don't know shit i don't know shit most people who sit there online don't know shit they know what they're told They know what they want to believe.

Like some of those, I know a girl who went to a Hillary,

what would it be called, rally.

She said it was crazy, like cult crazy.

Like the way people were screaming, yeah, like going diamond, bro.

Just screaming and stomping and just like going nuts as if like, you know,

she was the Messiah.

And it's, no,

she's not.

She wasn't even close.

And you know what?

Maybe I hope, you know, hopefully Trump's out in four years.

But who knows?

Maybe he'll do a fucking great job.

I mean, that's a thing.

He could do a good job.

You don't know, yeah.

Like, people, like, seconds afterwards, were like, fucking get him out of there.

Like, like, like, take it back, blah, blah, blah.

He doesn't, he knows fuck all about politics.

He does know about running businesses, and that the government is not run as a business.

So who knows?

Maybe he'll, you know, maybe there's a silver lining here aside from your taxes, of course.

But yeah, let's get a lady president there, like, you know, in four years if he fucks it up.

But somebody who's not her, you know?

Maybe Melania.

Maybe she's our next president.

I was texting.

I mean, I will wrap it up because I know, like, but I was texting one of my West Coast

limousine liberal types.

It's a buddy of mine, you know what I mean?

But he's like, really, like,

drank, drank the

Kool-Aid of like the armchair liberal nonsense that I can't stand.

And

he was saying that he

feels bad about

getting a tax break.

And he's like, I'm wondering about maybe just donating that money to something.

And I was like, well, you're putting your money where your mouth is, but fuck that.

Fuck that.

Fuck that.

And it's like, you're wondering about it?

When you wonder about something, that generally means like, I guess it would be nice of me, but.

Nah.

Nah, fuck you.

Yeah.

Fuck you, man.

Because

my money's my money.

Yeah.

I gotta make ends.

Yeah, I really, I really believe there are only with all these riots, all this dissension, all this anger and hatred and protesting, all this, there's only two words that can bring everyone together.

Peace assholes.

Are you hiring?

Do you know where to post your job to find the best candidates?

Somehow I doubt they do.

Q.

I don't.

I don't even know what you're talking about.

No, you don't.

But if you have a business, a small business,

you're like, hey, man,

I need a guy to fucking do this, to oversee whatever.

Yes.

This is

where you go.

Overseer.

Right.

You just type that into ziprecruiter.com slash...

No, wait.

I don't even know if there's a...

Yeah, ziprecruiter.com ziprecruiter.com/slash TESD.

And it's going to post it in all kinds of places.

100-plus job sites.

This is not like if you want a job.

This is if you're a business hire for a job.

Facebook and Twitter, all with a single click.

Find candidates in any city, industry, nationwide.

Just post once.

Watch those qualified candidates.

Roll in.

Just roll the fuck in.

Oh, my God.

You're going to be like, holy fucking shit.

You're going to be like, how do I stop this?

Zip Recruiter, come on.

You got to help me out here.

My email is overloaded.

I was juggling emails and calls to my office before.

Now I'm just quickly screening candidates, rating them, and hiring the right person fast.

Yet, these goddamn

whatever it is, what's it called?

A resume?

Yeah.

They just keep coming in from all these qualified candidates.

That's what happens.

I'm going to expand too quickly.

I'm going to make too much money.

My business model is going to fail.

No.

And then then I'm going to go under.

No, no, no.

He's going to make too much.

No, no.

Wait,

he's going to make too much money.

Yeah.

I'm too successful, ziprecruiter.com slash T-E-S-D.

And now's the time where you want to be successful because

Trump's going to cut your taxes, boys.

Yeah, you can use all those legal loopholes like he does.

I love how people complain about that.

They're like, oh, he programmed, you know, he skirted this tax and that tax.

It's like, but it's fucking legal.

Why wouldn't he?

Yeah.

Of course.

Close the loopholes if you don't want it.

Who the fuck?

He would be a fucking idiot.

He's responsible to his shareholders.

Of course.

The same people

who are like, you know,

they buy stocks in these companies, you know, Trump's companies or whatever,

he would be derelict to not use everything at his disposal

to make his shareholders as much money as possible.

That's it, man.

Legal means?

Fuck yeah, he should be doing it.

Yeah.

loopholes, man.

That's what makes America great.

That's how he's making America great again.

Tax loopholes.

Another one of the new worlds.

No fear, no women, no food parlors, nothing.

Nothing to do but throw rocks and tin cans, and we gotta bring our own tin can.

This capable fantastic burst of power.

It'll be enough to blast them apart.

It's the only thing on Earth that will.

Now, if you make ten thousand wild hits, one of the blighting can true.

Attack the golden city.

Attack the golden city.

I'm a causey love that twisted and burned.

Reducing all of ashes while the planet turns.

Searing through my veins, I burning gasoline.

Shake it to the core in the oxygen machine.

Soaking by illusion, you satisfy.

For every little wish, you come by.

Synaptic revolution like a velvet screen.

Shake it, shake it, shake it in the outside.

I'll take the children shake.

Lost in the moment, we're control.

Cut by the moment, so remote.

The price you pay, it's only

so.

You know you should have budged you can't do it.

Lost in the city, lost makeside.

Where she feeds, but she turns out alright.

Singing for her, makes it so.

Pretend the ramp exists for you.

It's firing for no blood-stained night.

Howlering at the moon in the dead of night.

Cobra shot venom got you on your knees.

Demonic little tempers in the Ozy machine.

Webcrack chaos, a message regime.

Begging for forgiveness from your mistress serene.

Devil tied, twisted out, thanks and gleam.

Sorted little secrets in the option.

I'll take the super city.

You know you want it,

you know you want it all, you know you want it,

you know you want it all, you know you want it,

you know you want it all, you know you want it,

you know you want it all.

Lost in a moment, lost control.

Caught by the moment so below.

Was the price you pay your totally so?

You know you shouldn't run you, can't let go.

Lost in the city, my big side.

The way she thinks when she turns out the light,

sinking further, makes sense too.

The damn crib exists, you know.

Lost in the moment, lose control.

Cocked by a moment, so remote.

Welcome, Fredgy Bay, it's over

so

you know you sure the budget can't let go

lost in the city, I'm not skylight.

It has to be the way it means when she turns out the light.

Sinking for her makes it so

this has been a production of Smodco Internet Radio, sir only at Smodcast.com.