#309: Tampons 'n Mini Sombreros

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Well, people get wrapped up on your stories.

I mean, you guys are living proof of that.

What a weird, what a weird thing to say.

You are not tired of it.

Otherwise, you want to still be doing the show with me.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell Hem Steve Dave.

Oh, I look around this table.

Who's with me?

One of the four most popular and practical jokers in America,

Q and

Walt.

Walt, your big premiere was on Sunday.

How did you feel?

Did you stay up and watch it?

I was up, but

I don't really watch it.

I mean, I lived it only a couple months ago.

I don't feel the need to re-watch it.

I heard it was great, though.

Yeah.

That's what everyone's saying.

I really enjoyed it.

I stayed up to watch it.

Did you watch Walking Dead?

I did not.

Oh, you didn't?

I'm

three episodes behind from last season, and I already know who died because I read the comics.

Okay.

Assuming Assuming they didn't change it completely.

Because I watched it.

I don't care.

I also don't.

I like Walking Dead, but it's not like a spoiler is not going to kill me.

Well, if you haven't watched and you care about what I'm about to say, I'm going to spoil some shit.

Spoil away, buddy.

But everybody at home should have their fucking right, they should know.

Like maybe for 10 minutes or so, maybe less.

Anyway, I mean, I really would have to say the

people who died.

You can I guess?

Yeah, you can digress, sure.

In the comic book,

Glenn dies.

Right.

Does he die in the show?

Yeah.

Pretty brutally, too.

Like, does he try to talk after he gets hit in the head?

Yes.

Oh, wow.

And Abraham also.

No.

He goes first.

And then the surprise.

Red-headed, flat-haired?

Oh, I like him.

I like him more than Glenn.

Glenn was a surprise because he came second.

You're like, holy shit.

Yeah.

But the level, and it didn't bother me.

But even I was like, the level of brutality.

Really?

It was nuts.

Like, I mean, Glenn's head was pulp.

Just looked like

hamburger meat that somebody had run over, like, on the ground.

And they showed it, you know?

The Negan.

He's awesome in the comic book.

I mean, his reasoning is like, well, they took out my guys when they raided that warehouse or whatever.

But he's a psychopath.

Like, he enjoys every moment of what he's doing.

Now, these characters died.

But what was really surprising to me was

afterwards, talking dead.

Now, forget the comic book, man.

Nobody would care.

In real life, if the impractical jokers died due to like a planned arson, the public would not care as much.

I didn't see this curve coming.

I'm telling you.

Oh, you mean they were like crying and whining?

The reaction to fake people, characters dying on a show was so

over-the-top and reverent as if real people had died.

Like they're talking about Abraham as if he's like he was a real sergeant in the army.

Like real military guys do not get this level of treatment.

Where would you see this online, you mean?

No, this is on Talking Dead after

it was like such a solemn like tone

throughout the show.

Yeah, they had it at the Hollywood Cemetery.

They did it live and for the first time like in God knows how long it started raining.

Oh, really?

So it's raining all over them.

But yeah, I mean, everyone's treating it so seriously.

No.

Because they're like, it's hella, it's not going to rain.

And then, boom, it rains.

On Twitter, too.

Like, people getting, like, people either being upset or getting mad.

Well, I mean, think about how we would feel if they had killed Swear Engine off in the middle of an episode.

Like, you and I would have the same exact reaction.

I wouldn't post it.

That's maybe the yeah, but the show is about

talking about Walking Dead.

So, like, what what do they say?

What response would have been?

But, but I don't think, like, if you and I talked about it, like, that was was fucked up.

We would talk about how much it sucked, and we were going to, like, oh, like, the show won't be the same without him, right?

But not in a, not in a way of like, this is a real person.

And that's what really struck me about Talking Dead and some of the stuff I saw online.

I'm like, these guys aren't real.

Hardwick was crying.

Yeah, Hardwick was like, like, a preacher, like, like, consoling the family and shit, you know?

It was strange.

Who did they have on?

Did they have the guy who died on?

They should have.

They had both.

They had Stephen and

I forget his name.

Chicklis, whatever, Abraham.

Yeah.

They had on.

Oh, they had the two people who died on?

Yeah, they had Lincoln on, Andrew Lincoln.

Ritas was on.

Nishon, Mishon,

a whole bunch of people.

Cast was basically there.

Yeah, pretty much.

And then one curly-haired guy, I can't remember his name.

I think they met him in Alexandria.

I don't remember.

So anyway, yeah, I was.

I mean, I know the show's popular, and I do like the show, but

I didn't realize it still had that level of involvement after.

Well, people get wrapped up on your stories.

I mean, you guys are living proof of that.

Yeah, we do, but I don't care if like, I mean, I loved Breaking Bed, but when people died, I was like, even if it was fucked up, I'm like, oh, that's fucked up, but I didn't hold like a candlelight vigil.

You didn't think the actual actor was also dead, did you?

No, I wasn't like, well, that sucked.

Cranson's not going to be in anything anymore.

Do you think Stephen, what's his name, Yun?

Yeah.

Do you think he will be in other things?

Or is this kind of like if for

oh, no, he's a good actor.

I think he'll be.

I'm not saying he's not a good actor, but he's so associated with a role.

Yeah.

I think eventually.

Yeah.

Because I've felt that way about actors in the past, and then they do other stuff.

You know, Asians have limited.

Right.

You'll see them next season on comic book.

Ming's fired.

Can I ask you a question about Ming?

Yeah, sure.

I don't.

Is it about his?

I don't know if I'm going to get to this.

I didn't get invited to that.

How fucked up, is that?

Do you follow him on Facebook?

I do.

Then you got an invite.

I'm a friend, though.

Don't you think I should have got like a fucking text or a call?

Well, do you?

I mean, if you follow him on Facebook, you got it.

But I'm not on Facebook.

Well, he doesn't know that.

You have that, but you don't go on it.

Right.

So they should grab my check once a week.

You don't get notifications?

No.

No.

You should set up your notifications.

Yeah, but once you get to that.

So every single time somebody mentions you,

your phone goes off.

Rather than a friend reach out to a friend, who I invite him to everything.

I invite him to every single thing.

I don't get, you know, whatever.

But that's the thing.

So I didn't even mean to bring that up.

Is he?

I don't know how to say this, so I don't want to hurt his feelings, but

he doesn't have feelings, so go ahead.

Right.

But this was the first time I ever watched him on TV, and maybe it was a reflection of myself.

And I was like, wow, Ming's starting to age.

Oh, yeah.

Did you notice it?

Like that eternally young Ming face.

I was like, I'm starting to see it it change.

Really?

Yeah.

It depends.

In what way?

He's like a bloated alcoholic?

No, but he's starting to get some wrinkles.

And like, you know, the face, not in a bad way, like, no more than normal, but it's like he's always been so youthful looking that, you know, I see it in myself.

I got him getting the wrinkles and the gray hair and stuff like that.

So I'm not singling him out, but I always just see him in my mind as like this young kind of guy.

And it's the first time I looked at him, I was like, wow, it's like I'm seeing the age on him.

Yeah, now Mike's the young hip guy

do you not see that air that that goatee

um no no i i i do like if you compare it to uh

even when we started yeah yeah not like holy shit no no no no not at all this fucking flying here is yeah it's it's irritating yeah i i i was that struck me

and you would think after like years of drug abuse, I should be the one who looks demonstrably different, but

no.

maybe because he's always uh, he's always out there hustling and bustling, going to cons.

Yeah, maybe he's wearing himself out, he's got stress wrinkles.

Yeah, I noticed it, he doesn't look stressed, he always looks happy, but I mean, I see it in myself, so I'm not ripping on Ming.

I'm just surprised because in my mind, he's always that like playful, young,

you know, care kid.

Yeah, he's a kid, even though he's older than me.

Did it depress you?

It did because I've known the guy now at this point 21 years, 22 maybe even.

And it's like, God, we're all just, we're on the grind to the grave, man.

Yeah.

Even Ming, who I thought would outlast us all.

Even Ming, yeah.

Yeah.

What do we do?

What do we do when Ming dies prematurely?

Walt's birthday was the other day.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're edging up on 50.

How does that feel?

Do you give a fuck?

No, I don't really, I don't even think about it.

I don't feel like I didn't, like if you had asked me like in my my 20s, what do you think it'll feel like to be 50?

If I had to know, if I could go, like, if I had my time machine, I can go talk to myself.

I don't know.

What would I tell myself?

I'd be like, I don't know.

I don't know if I feel that different, though.

I do feel different when I'm doing different things, like maybe a little aches and pains here and there, like, not bad, though, but like a little bit like, like, wow, I wonder why my legs hurt.

I was like, oh, yeah, I was squatting before.

Doing squats.

I wasn't doing squats.

I have a dumpster.

But I wasn't doing squats, but I was just doing something.

And And I was doing something.

And then all of a sudden, like, you know, I stopped doing it.

And I'm walking down.

I'm like, oh, wow, I wonder why my legs feel weird.

Oh, that's right.

I was doing, I was squatting over there before.

Yeah.

For how long?

A minute?

It was about, I don't know, it was about 20 minutes.

You squatted for 20 straight minutes?

I was playing with the dog, and then I was doing something else.

So, but like, if I'm not squatting, I still feel 20.

Yeah.

Tell me when squatting comes into play.

I don't feel any different, though.

I don't think I do.

But again, I don't remember what it felt like to be 20, though, so I don't remember.

Right.

See, if my 50-year-old self went back to my 20-year-old self, it would be like, holy shit, I make it to 50?

That's amazing.

Like, what are some of the things you, like, a 20-year-old version of yourself would be like, well, when you're 50, you don't do this anymore.

I mean, everything, pretty much.

I don't think I do any of the same things I do.

Well, I mean, some of the.

Like physically, anyway.

Well, some of the,

you don't do anything?

Watch TV.

Well, you used to play basketball, all right?

Used to play basketball, used to play hockey, used to run,

used to move.

You know, used to travel a lot more.

Yeah.

Well, you got a kid now, so it's

what are you going to do?

I know.

She's ruined everything.

I tell her every morning.

I'd be like, I'd feel like I was 20 again if it wasn't for you.

Choke on your raviolis.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wash it down with that fucking lemonade that cost me my fucking future.

Oh, Brett.

Moji's the only one who

go out of our group that I that every time I see him.

I see Moji like four times a year.

I'm like, this motherfucker just does not age.

Like he just looks the same.

You know what?

I went on, I got Facebook recently.

We had like a Tell him Steve Dave page for a long time, but I never knew the password.

And Jordan said, Well, in order to access that, you have to sign up for your own account.

So I was like, All right, so I went on there and I, or actually, she did it.

But so I go on and I'm like, all right, well, let me check up on some of these people I used to know and see what they're looking like.

Now,

with me, you can sort of see through the internet like the evolution of

like me being younger and growing into what I've become.

So it's not that jarring, you know, like if you see that sort of

that journey, whereas like some of these people, like the last time I saw them might have been the day we graduated.

And that's 30 years ago.

Yeah.

So now, fast forward ahead 30 years and I'm like, holy shit.

Like, what happened to you?

Like, is this one of those like old-timey death pictures where they would take pictures with a corpse and shit?

I'm like, no, no, they're alive because they're posting stuff.

They're posting bullshit that I don't want to read.

Memes and nonsense and all kinds of crap.

And I friended some people from school.

Some people don't change at all, though.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This girl, Tara Douse, you remember Tara from back in the day.

She looks almost exactly like the last time I saw her.

Almost no difference whatsoever.

Are we on one of those?

Oh, yeah, I know.

She doesn't age either.

Like Countess Bathory over there fucking bathing in the blood of virgins to stay young.

But

I friended somebody, like somebody who in our class, I'll tell you later, Walt, who was, wasn't popular, but wasn't like bullied, just like sort of invisible.

And she asked me if I got a friend request, so I said yes.

And then like a minute, two minutes later, she's like, oh, thank you.

And then I made the mistake of writing back, like, hey, no problem.

Hope all is well.

No, I didn't really care if all was well.

And it's very uncharacteristic of to pretend.

It was a social nicety.

And then it begins.

Thanks for asking, which it wasn't really a question.

It was more of a statement.

Just trying to.

A dismissive statement.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She's like, he can't possibly really like.

I remember him from school.

He had no hope for himself, well, on anyone else.

Just trying to get these illustrations done so I can get them into, like, you know, like.

She wants to

be like, oh, you're an artist.

Yeah.

Something she's displaying her hopes and dreams.

Yeah.

I think maybe

you have need of some artistic

person in your life, maybe?

Yeah, she's like, well, he's got Walt, but

maybe.

Just maybe.

No, I think it's more like, well, maybe he knows people.

But you do.

Yeah.

But no.

No way.

I'm not going to get into that.

But yeah,

I don't like it, Facebook.

It's ridiculous.

It's memes, it's inspirational saying.

I don't know if you guys know them.

Shit about God.

Yeah, you missed out on the party.

I've never already known.

Yeah, but I feel.

Would you have gone?

I might have.

If you had gone,

you would have been, you would have fucking,

the whole place would have fucking came to a complete and utter stop.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You would have been like, it would have been like Elvis walked through the door.

Well, maybe I should have, then maybe I would have gone.

I would have enjoyed feeling that way about myself.

Maybe.

Well, this is the report I heard.

My

little bird in my ear went to this

premiere party, and Ming was hosting it.

He showed some episodes of Comic Book Men with eventually it's supposed to culminate in showing the season premiere.

And he says Ming never showed the season premiere.

And this little gap-tooth bird that I'm talking about said that

he

suggested to, yeah, more of like, you know, an ostrich type maybe, like, or one of those dino birds from back in.

So Giddam got invited a night in.

Everybody did.

It was in a paper.

It was in like some local paper where it said, like, hey, comic book men premiered down at Jamien's, you know, this place in Red Bank.

Everyone's invited.

Everyone on Facebook was invited.

Anybody who knows Ming through Facebook got an invite, right?

Technically?

Yeah.

And

Gidam said he

asked Ming a few times when he was going to show it.

And Ming was too busy partying.

And then by like midnight, Giddam was like, when are you going to show it?

And he's like, oh, there's not enough people here now.

So they never watched it.

You would have come all the way down here.

Yeah.

To only know Giddam

and not see the episode.

I wouldn't have known Ming.

I'm sure Mike was there.

It was more about showing support for my friends than

celebrating with my boy, who I thought was my boy.

Right.

Well, maybe, you know, maybe it's like that.

He probably didn't think you'd come, though.

Because I wouldn't invite you to that.

I would spare you that.

Maybe he is getting older.

Maybe it's like dementia, like he forgot to

be there, Dolly now.

I doubt it.

I don't, I mean, I can't say for sure, but I would be pretty surprised.

Yeah.

Walt, we're normally talking about

country, you know, shithole country.

Oh, yeah.

Now, I'm going

break it.

I'm gonna dial it back a little.

Not shithole state, but shithole borough.

Shithole burrows.

Yeah.

Or burrow.

Can I ask what personal thing happened to you that pissed you off that you're about to bestow shithole on a Natalian Pharaoh?

It's not me.

Really?

And it's in defense of you.

Oh, wow.

Oh.

Have you heard about this?

Yeah, this has been blowing up.

I'm sure you've heard about it.

I'm sure you've had to now been, as a Staten Island resident, had to have

taken the pulse on this story.

About me?

Not about you.

About Staten Island as a whole.

Oh, no, I haven't heard about this.

As a shithole.

This is not a new accusation level that Staten Island.

This is a new accusation.

This is

a hometown boy who says,

fuck them.

They all suck in regard to Staten Island.

This is Pete Davidson of Saturday Night Live.

No.

Yeah.

You see this guy?

Yeah, no, this guy was a fireman.

That's odd that he would say that guy.

He says

that

he calls them a bunch of Trump-supporting fucking jerk-offs with limited intelligence.

Wow.

Fuck them.

They all suck.

They have nothing to do with me or my success.

It's a terrible borough filled with terrible people.

A fucking tidal wave could take out Staten Island, and I wouldn't even move in my sleep.

In fact, I would sleep better.

Fuck Staten Island.

A bunch of Trump-supporting fucking jerk-offs.

Fuck them.

End quote.

But that wasn't the end of the quote, because his mother lives there.

And he said, my mother lives there because she's too fucking stupid to realize she shouldn't.

Staten Island kids are mean.

I had a really tough time moving from high school to high school.

All right.

I mean, that is, first of all, fucking angry.

I mean, what happened to that guy?

Would you like to

make a public declaration of war upon Pete Davidson right now in defense of Staten Island?

I don't need to make a declaration of war against him because you don't want to get into a Twitter beef with him?

I don't need to.

Something?

Look,

first of all, his father was a fine man, so right away that makes me not want to go to the war.

Well, I think his dad died in 9-11, but he uses it in his comedy act.

It's fine.

That's a comedian?

Yeah.

He's not sound alive.

That wasn't very funny.

I don't think he intended it to be.

Was that part of his act or is that part of him just doing an interview?

No, I think that's, yeah, that's part.

He did

an interview with Up Rocks where.

I mean, it's so angry.

Also not true.

Like, there are so many nice people on Staten Island.

Like, that's the part.

You know what he's falling?

How old is he?

I'm going to

guess his

early 20s.

It doesn't say here, but I'll look.

Because that is a millennial talking.

Like,

that is

part of what is driving the country apart.

Like, just because someone, oh, nice try.

We're going to try and kill this fly.

Just because somebody supports Trump and I don't, doesn't mean that my automatic thing is anybody who supports him is a fucking ass.

Like, there are people who support him for reasons.

Oh, my God.

He's born in 1993.

He's a kid.

So that's what?

It means he's 23, right?

93, 2003, 2013.

Yeah, 23.

What the fuck do you know, Pete Davidson?

He's born in 93?

Yeah.

He's going to be 23.

2003, 2013.

He's 23.

Yeah.

He's a kid, dude.

He doesn't fucking know.

He's going to be 24 soon.

Happy birthday, Pete.

It's such a millennial statement

to be like anybody who supports Trump is a fucking it's just like it's not true.

Half the country is not fucking assholes.

We're talking about the borough.

We're gonna isolate it to the borough.

Trump supporters are assholes.

It's just like you can't like they're like that's such a broad sweeping statement that's so divisive that like you're as bad as Trump is then by saying that.

Like that's a horrible thing to say.

Two, it's just like look, when I was like in my early, I always loved Staten Island.

You guys know that about me.

But it's just like, I don't know.

I don't know.

Some of my favorite people are from Staten Island.

Yeah.

All my favorite fucking people.

Yeah.

You know?

Most beautiful girls I've ever seen.

There's some of them over there.

Yeah, maybe they're circling about right now.

Like, well, no,

you guys aren't.

But,

but, Staten Island's got so many nice people.

It's got so many lovely parts.

It's just like

he's just a young, idiotic kid.

Well, it would appear he got, I think he's a mixed race guy.

Like, he's a mixed race dude, but maybe he got bullied a lot.

He said Staten Island kids are mean.

Kids are mean everywhere.

Yeah.

I got news for you.

He, I can't, I can't get annoyed or angry at this guy.

He just sounds so angry that it sounds like his life is suffering for some reason.

He needs a therapist.

Oh, what a horrible thing to say.

And call your own mother stupid?

Yeah.

Like, what is wrong with you?

She's too stupid to realize.

Like, as if, so, what if everyone moved out of Staten Island and it's empty and they move elsewhere?

then it just

they're still existing.

Yeah, I mean, what he's referring to is Staten Island is a very Republican, very white borough.

Right.

That's what he's talking about.

But that's changing, too.

That's not as true as it was even 10 years ago.

So he's a millennial.

He's angry.

He's obviously an angry kid.

And on top of that, he's trying to score brownie points by bashing Trump, which is just like the sign of a young idiot.

Like, we got it, dude.

Bash Trump.

We got it.

You're on the cutting edge of social fucking issues.

We got it.

Like, you're taking such a dangerous stance by bashing Trump.

We got it, buddy.

It's just like, calm down, Pete Davis.

I'm like, you're on Santa Live for two seasons.

Why don't you fucking slow your roll before you burn your hometown to the ground?

You think this will hurt his career?

No, not at all.

That's why he's saying it.

No, no, but, well, I mean, the Trump thing

I think is thrown in there because maybe he was realizing

what he was saying.

And he's like, whoa.

You don't think they'll come back to haunt him?

Maybe on Staten Island, but not in his, I don't think, in his career.

Yeah, he won't be welcome back there.

He can't do any clubs in Staten Island now, I bet.

Sounds like he doesn't want to go back anyway.

No.

Not even to his.

He doesn't care if his mom gets killed in a tidal wave.

That's how much he hates Staten Island.

He doesn't care if

just-born babies.

in Staten Island University Hospital get killed in a tidal wave.

He doesn't care if I get killed in a a tidal wave.

I mean, come on.

I mean, geez, what is it?

Don't all four Jokers live on Staten Island?

Sal do still, yeah.

Oh, the all four with two

went

for years now.

Where they live, Murray lives in Manhattan and Joe's out of Long Island.

Gatto told me that Staten Island's a bunch of Trump-supporting Cherkovs.

That's why he moved.

You know, I don't, it's like, what a weird thing, what a fucking odd thing.

It says more about him than it does about Staten Island because he's not right.

Like, there's so many nice people on Staten Island.

I had a really rough time, he says.

So, yeah, it's all about that.

But, you know, I was thinking about that, because I read this.

Somebody asked what you thought.

And I read it, and I was thinking, like,

you know, we grew up in a town that wasn't particularly rich.

Kevin called it white trash at one point.

Oh, didn't they flip out of him?

Everybody flipped out.

But he wasn't exactly wrong.

It would have been like he could have...

dressed it up a little, maybe called it working class or blue collar or something.

But he didn't.

And

it's

like everything that happens to you in life, whether it's like, you know, like, let's say this guy grew up in fucking Malibu or somewhere that wasn't Staten Island.

It's like, does he then become a comedian?

Because by and large, comedians are depressed, angry people.

Sure.

You know?

So

is he then the person he is if not growing up in that situation?

Am I the person I am if I'm not fighting with Edgar as a kid?

No, of course not.

You know?

So you take the good and the the bad.

When did he say this?

This is so weird that he would go on a fucking rant like this.

This was, let me see,

October 24th.

Yesterday.

Yeah.

Yesterday he said it.

What a weird, what a weird thing to say.

Fuck Staten Island.

A tidal wave could take you out, Q.

He would sleep better.

He would sleep better.

How many people are in there?

Like millions, right?

Staten Island, half a million.

Half a million?

Yeah.

Half a million people could die that he doesn't know.

And he would sleep better knowing they were dead.

Meanwhile, he probably says nothing about some fucking ISIS stronghold country in the Mideast, right?

Because that would not fit into any sort of liberal agenda.

And fucking, speaking of which, speaking of liberal pussy-ass motherfuckers, Ghost Pussy agreed with him.

Ghost Pussy agreed with him?

Yeah.

Isn't he a Staten Island?

He is.

Born and raised?

How did Ghost Pussy agree with him?

I don't know.

I saw him weigh in.

Roast pussy?

He weighed in.

Hold on a second.

I'll tell you what he said.

He's never been kind to Staten Island Ghost Pussy.

Like, move.

I mean, you guys have a mural of Big Ange.

I don't know what the problem is.

Apparently, he goes on and on.

He goes in his special.

He's got a stand-up special coming out where he dishes that.

I mean,

what a weird thing, man.

Chris Ledondo says, I fully support a famous Staten Islander speaking the awful truth about Staten Island.

And then he links an article about

the interview.

And then he says, Staten Island is the most conservative part of New York City.

They're wrong about everything and deserve to be publicly humiliated.

But he's saying they as if he's not a part of it.

Chris Ledondo, Pete Davidson is wishing that a tidal wave would sweep away your wife and child in the middle of the night and he would sleep better.

Yeah, that the tidal wave is going to take everybody, including the it's not going to go around Ghost Pussy's house.

Yeah.

Wow.

It's good.

He says in his stand-up routine, I'm doing a little research.

This is obviously like he says this.

It's like, no matter if you do anything that's not construction related in Staten Island, you're a pussy for some reason.

Like, that's not, that's just not true.

Like, Like, that's not true at all.

Well, I mean, it's, I mean, that's,

how do you know that's not true?

Because I never did anything construction related.

You know, people.

Yeah, he stopped as soon as he built his ivory tower and moved in.

But I, but I, I didn't even get in the fire department until I was almost 30.

I didn't get through my fucking 20s being called a pussy because I wasn't a construction worker.

He says, if you don't know.

Who's he?

Who's he hanging around with?

This is.

I don't know, man.

You would think he's hanging around with the Hollywood Elite now.

If you don't know what Staten Island is, it's like New York's abortion that lived.

There's good people everywhere, but not in Staten Island at all.

Like, everybody on Staten Island could die, and I wouldn't sleep over it.

I'd be like, oh, I guess I need a new Xanax dealer.

It's this awful place where dreams die.

I'm from there.

The only good thing is we have our women sex offenders.

I think it's awesome.

That's why he's still living there.

He still lives there.

Really?

Yeah, that's so weird.

Is he then fucking around?

I mean, it doesn't sound like he's fucking around, though.

What a fucking weirdo.

I mean, he sounds like a really damaged, damaged young kid.

What are you going to do?

I don't care.

I'm too old to give a shit what he says.

If you start caring about that stuff, you're going to age like Ming.

Yeah, exactly.

What a fucking weirdo.

I mean, it doesn't look good.

It doesn't reflect well on him.

No.

And then even comedically, let's even take this.

Let's even take

the implications of what he's talking about.

Even comedically, he's choosing a target that's been fucking done to death.

It's like, dude, like, you're like, really?

Staten Island is what you're fucking going after?

Staten Island has been gone after more than Trump.

Dude, it's like, fucking, it's not even funny.

It's like, you're the, like, forge new fucking ground, dude.

Like, holy shit.

Talk about an easy target.

Like, you're supposed to fucking punch up, not down.

To attack Staten Island at this point is like fucking attacking, like,

Syrian refugees.

It's been hit so many times.

Like you just reveal the limits of your humor by going after Staten Island.

And I don't know him.

I don't know how funny he is.

I don't know whether he's good on Sound Out Live.

I don't really know any of this stuff.

But it's like, that's fucking very telling.

That one of his main targets is basically one of the oldest targets.

in New York history.

It's just like, dude, like, we get it.

Like, we got it in the fucking 80s.

Like, what new were you saying about Staten Island?

That's funny.

Because nothing I read was just funny.

Like, you're going for shock humor by calling it an after-abortion.

It's just like,

all right.

Hey, man.

Good for you, dude.

You want to tell the fucking same jokes that have been told for the same 30 years?

You want to be that angry about your own childhood?

You want to wish death on your mother?

Dude, I wish you all the luck in the world, Pete Davidson, because you are going to fucking need it.

Sounds like a declaration of war.

End quote.

End quote, nice.

End quote.

Oh, hello, Sagi.

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What?

No, name.

Who did that sound like?

Like a little leprechaun?

Good con, yeah.

A leprechaun named Becklin.

Yep.

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What?

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Tell them, Steve Dave.

Do you hate your hometown, Walt?

No.

I wish I could still live there.

Well, my hometown, well.

What do you consider your hometown?

Do you consider it Maddowan or Highlands?

Yeah.

I wanted to stay.

I just was priced out

when I moved.

But I would go back.

I like the little small town atmosphere.

I don't, where I live now, it doesn't have that.

There's no real, I don't even have a sidewalk in front of my house.

So we can't really walk around without like, you know, without afraid of getting hit by a car.

So we don't really walk around

our town, we don't really walk around it at all because there's no sidewalks.

When you live in Highland, you used to don your ninja outfits and walk around on the sidewalks freely,

not being afraid to be hit by a car.

You can't do that now?

No, you would just be able to walk around.

You could walk down to get milk.

You can't do that where I live.

I got to go drive over to get milk.

But I like being able just to walk everywhere in Highlands.

Like, if you called me and you were like, hey, man, I want to get a sweatshirt with Pepsi points.

Let's go around and raid everyone's recycling.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it was like, I wasn't even getting anything out of it, but I became consumed with it.

Like, we would go to the wreck and I'd see somebody with a Pepsi ball.

I'd just cut their label off.

They're like, what are you doing?

My Pepsi points, bro.

Do you remember the kid who he got enough points to get the jets, and he was going to sue Pepsi

for the equivalent of what the jet would have cost him?

The fighter jet.

I don't remember.

He got the million points somehow, and

he wanted the equivalent of the money of the jet.

He had like $42 million.

$7 million Pepsi points.

He got them.

The AV-8 Harrier 2 jump jet, valued at $33.8 million at the time.

He did not,

oh, they argued that it was supposed to be humorous.

This Pepsi did.

And the plaintiff did not collect 7 million Pepsi points through commercial purchase of Pepsi products.

So they sent him a certified check for $700,000 as permitted by contest rules.

Wow.

Oh, so he - oh, wait a second.

He didn't collect - oh, he sent a certified check for $700,000

and

bought them at $0.10 a point.

Who would he buy them from?

Doesn't say.

So

he spent $700,000 on Pepsi points?

I guess so, yeah.

He said I bought it from 10 cents a point.

He only had 15 existing points, but paid 10 cents a point for the remaining 6,999,985 points and a $10 shipping and handling fee.

The claim alleged both breach of contract and fraud.

Facts, judgment, blah, blah, blah.

Judge Kimba Wood, well, says, oh, he rejected his claims and denied recovery on several grounds.

It was found that the advertisement featuring the jet did not constitute an offer under the restatement

of contracts.

Even if it had been an offer, no reasonable person would have believed the company seriously intended to convey a jet worth $23 million for $700,000.

That it was mere puffery.

Do you think we can use that ruling to get out of giving Mrs.

Giddam any more free shit?

Let me see if Judge Kimball Wood is still on the bench.

You're puffery.

He seems to weigh on the side of corporations like ourselves.

Fell under the provisions of state of fraud.

I mean, the callo youth featured in the commercial is a highly improbable pilot, one who could barely be trusted with the keys to his parents' car, much less the prize aircraft of the U.S.

Marine Corps.

What does that have to do with with anything?

Right.

It doesn't matter what the actor that they put in the commercial,

you know, the guy want.

I mean, I don't know.

I mean,

I agree, though, that Pepsi shouldn't be.

I mean, obviously, it's a joke.

It's a farce.

Everybody knows it.

But you're, I mean, I hate people who look for loopholes like that.

Do you?

Yeah.

But the king of Suncoast.

I'm not saying that I haven't used it.

Like, it's like, you know, like Trump says, like, did he use loopholes to make his business or to make gain more money?

Yes, just like I did.

But

if I was in charge, I would have to cl like, if I was in charge, if I was the president, I'd be like, well, I got to close known loopholes

just to make it fairer for everybody.

Loopholes shouldn't exist.

Right.

Because if you have any loopholes, you can bet you can bet rest assured, people will use them.

But if you close those loopholes, then corporations will will not give you money.

They will pull up and move out of the country.

They already do pull up and move out of the country.

Right, but I mean, there have to be certain

loopholes?

Yeah, certain handouts that there's a reason that Apple keeps all this money out of the country.

Yeah.

Why do you think that reason is?

Because people are being paid off or they're like, you know, palms are being greased.

You don't think so?

You think that

the government is just lazy?

And they're like, ah, we'll get to it.

What do you mean?

This is why they don't close the loopholes.

Oh, yeah, because they have people in Congress and you make donations so that you don't close loopholes.

Super PAC?

Is that what you're saying?

Obviously, there's people who

are never going to move to close loopholes because they've been bought by the companies that want to keep these loopholes.

Sons of bitches.

You can't be a politician and even say, like, you know what, at a certain age, you should have to retake your driver's test because so many senior citizens would vote against you.

But meanwhile, you see fucking old people.

It's like, holy shit, they're going to kill somebody.

You know, this is everybody.

I mean, we're texting and driving, but old people, sometimes you're like, wow.

I believe that I like if

I was creating something for a car, like you were talking about texting and driving,

I would make a new car and I would have make it a law that if you get if your car should be able to detect a cell phone in in a car.

It's called Bluetooth.

So, yeah.

Okay.

You're a little behind on this one.

So we're already there, halfway there.

Okay.

There should be something in the car that shuts down the phone.

Okay.

Texting.

Okay, so you can still play your music.

You can still play music, but texting should be, that should be off.

Like, that should not be.

There should be some sort of like a cell phone.

Yeah, like a barrier built into the hood or the ceiling of the car that like you just can't text while you're in a car can you receive a phone call

you talk to the fucking driver for once stop fucking texting so if you're

a person I feel like Walt went for a ride with one of his daughters recently

you know I mean show some human consideration like you don't need to text at all times and while and I realize what you're saying that like hey you should you know you're not driving you should be able to text but to make this work

to make it work so we're not having, because that's the way, that's killing more people now and causing more accidents.

That's the second leading cause of accidents right now.

Okay, fast approaching number one.

Yeah, but so you're going to take

so you are in favor of, and I'm not saying I disagree with you, I'm just

in favor of taking responsibility out of people's hands and putting it into government and big businesses' hands

to stop people from acting against their own best interests.

When personal well-being and public safety is at the root of it,

I feel that it's the only way because people will not act responsibly.

So we know that.

And the next president should be in charge of you acting

responsible

instead of

apps that block texting while driving.

You probably put that on your teenagers' phone, right?

Now that makes sense because as a parent, you are responsible for the safety of the child.

An app can be removed, though.

I'm talking about

there's some sort of like deleted the goddamn app,

some sort of lead, lead that you can't see.

Maybe some gas mileage again now.

That's all.

It does weigh 700 pounds more.

No, no, it's like whatever it does, it blocks the ability to text.

You don't believe you believe that the government

doesn't need to step in

in the effort of public safety.

Look at all we do already.

I think we do too much.

I think we do too much.

And give me an example of too much.

What's an example of a nanny state?

I'm not a fan of traffic cameras.

I'm not a fan of red light cameras.

I'm not a fan of it.

Yeah, because you've been caught doing all the wrong cameras.

I'm not a fan of it.

Multiple times.

Have you ever gotten a ticket from a traffic cam?

Never.

Me neither.

That doesn't matter.

That doesn't matter.

That doesn't matter.

Whether I get the ticket or not doesn't matter to me.

Has any of those cameras that you're saying shouldn't be allowed ever caught a serious crime and maybe solve the crime or maybe saved the person but what you're talking about is giving up personal freedom for safety isn't one is one life worth it sure I don't I think wait what rephrase that I don't know

is one life worth it Pete Davidson Steve Davidson

Steve one life is not worth it

whatever you're trying I don't know what you're trying to get me to say

one life with the with the use of those it's not worth it

who's who's the guy

The quote.

Who said it like those who would sacrifice safety for freedom deserve their blood and freedom?

How is it?

Some smart motherfucker, right?

What's that?

How is that traffic camera infringing on your freedom?

I don't like it that the police can just.

I don't like it that I can get a ticket in the mail.

I don't care about the tickets.

Fucking Troy.

If there's a cop stationed there and he catches me doing it, I don't have a problem with that.

I don't like the idea that the cops have a camera that are watching us at all times.

That's the definition of Big Brother.

What about a camera that's not.

Well, what about when you walk into a mall?

No security cameras?

I cannot walk into that mall.

That's not a public spot.

I can choose not to go into that mall.

That's a private area that I'm choosing to go, and I have to accept their rules.

That is a public area that I pay for with my taxes.

You pay for it with your taxes.

Even fucking get him pays for with his taxes.

No cameras in the park?

I don't think there should be any, no.

Oh, yeah.

Well, what about when

some of these crimes are committed in the park and that always happen, it seems?

I'm for taking those cameras out, too.

I've gotten caught way too many times now.

I don't like it.

I don't like it.

I'm not a fan of it, man.

There's no situation you could throw at me that's going to make me

change my basic thing that the government.

I mean, God forbid that you know somebody that is in need of, like, well, were there cameras on the street corner or were there cameras here

that may play a factor in

saving somebody you know and love, though.

I completely understand that, but I still don't think the trade-off's worth it.

What is the trade-off, though?

What are you sacrificing, though?

First of all, I think it's a stepping stone to cameras fucking everywhere.

They are everywhere now, right?

Okay,

get them.

They're all over his house.

They're not everywhere, though.

They're not everywhere, though.

Where are they?

Where are they not?

They're not on every street.

They're not on every corner.

They're not watching you every single day.

Do you have one of those rings?

Yeah, but

I think we're getting there.

I don't like it.

Yeah, I could care less.

There's nothing they can catch me doing that I'm going to be like,

I wish I had a camera was over here.

So you're talking about

for yourself?

That's fine.

No, not for me.

For the rest of the community, too, that may be benefited from having a camera on there.

I think it's a slippery slope to my.

I think 20 years from now, it's going to be fucking way worse.

Is the camera the

modern-day cop hiding behind the billboard?

I'm fine with a cop hiding behind the billboard.

That to me is perfectly exactly.

What about when they caught that fucking sack of shit that fucking threw a bomb in the fucking dumpster?

Completely, completely understand where you're coming from.

And that, again, was a private, was a bank.

They had a camera.

But what if it was on the

telecamer?

But what if it was on a telephone pole?

It's a police camera?

I don't like it.

Do you think the police cameras are terrorists?

I don't like it.

Do you think the police cameras are for safety or they're to make the city money?

I believe they're to make the city money.

They serve both roles.

Right, but which primarily?

But I don't like either one.

You don't want the city to be safer?

Not through the use of constant monitoring of civilians.

No, I don't think that's right at all.

This is nothing compared to the UK.

I hear.

I hear from UK people.

Already gone.

It's crazy.

What does that mean?

Every inch of the UK is covered by cameras in major cities.

Is it safer than America?

I don't know.

It doesn't matter to me.

This is what two great men said once, Walt, Ben Franklin and BQ.

Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety

deserve neither liberty nor safety.

Even if he was, junkies still have things to say.

Sometimes they're valuable.

Wasn't he all into like fucking mind-bending fucking experiments and shit, Ben Franklin?

Ben Franklin?

The guy who, I don't, I don't, I never read that about him.

Yeah, I thought he was pretty straight-laced, man.

I mean, and even at that, like,

even if he's doing a little acid,

it's a good fucking point.

I'm sorry, I interrupted the quote.

It was important to quote.

Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety

deserve neither liberty nor safety.

I agree with that.

Okay.

You're putting...

Yeah, I just don't agree with it.

I don't like it.

Well,

stores, though, it's okay.

You're cool with stores.

It's private.

It's private.

It's my choice.

You're talking about the government watching.

Doesn't it make you uncomfortable, though, having that many cameras on you when you go into a private place?

Not really.

No, because I'm not going to do anything.

I'm not going to try to steal anything.

I'm not going to do anything wrong.

And

it's their right to put a camera on.

Let's say they're watching you.

They're watching you as you go down, maybe

you're buying something that is

maybe you not want them, you don't want anybody realizing you're buying like lacy panties, like lacy tight, like man-sized lacy panties.

You're in the women's husky section.

Listen to me.

That's on me to not go to that store.

That's me to find the store that sells husky women's panties that doesn't have cameras.

Or do it online where nobody watches what you're doing.

Right.

Well, that's another thing.

You don't think they're watching you online?

Oh, no, I'm kidding around.

Yeah, like you look at one thing and then, boom, every ad

on your sidebar is for the last thing.

Even if you fucking buy it, they still give you the ads.

I don't agree with that either.

And it's my choice to use it or not use it.

I cannot go on the internet if I was.

Or you could do the encrypted shit, like the Tor network, right?

Sure.

What, the Darknet?

Yeah, Q's on the Darknet.

Yeah, I wish.

Oh, you know how much I would have fucking saved had I known about Silk Road.

I always find out about shit too late.

What's that?

Silk Road was like a, and then they would use Bitcoin and it was an anonymous, like, you could buy drugs and stuff, have them shipped to you, and it wasn't traceable.

Yeah, they fucking figured it out.

I'm sure there's another Silk Road out there somewhere right now that I don't know about again, but.

Yeah, I don't I don't like I don't keep the lo I don't think it matters.

I'm sure they can track me anyway.

I don't keep location services on my phone.

I would like to go on the dark net and sell repurposed traffic cams.

Could we get away with that?

We'll steal some traffic cams?

I don't know.

Do you think that that may be

a small

example of paranoia?

No.

No, because they are watching you.

Yeah, do you not care that they monitor your your email and phone messages and all that?

The fact that you turn off notifications are like, where do you think that you're like, like, what is the.

Oh, I don't think anybody cares where I'm going or what I'm doing for a second.

I just don't like the idea that they can do it.

You could go without a cell phone.

That's right.

I could go without a cell phone.

That's what I'm saying.

Anything that I have the choice to opt in or out of, like, I could disagree with them doing that.

I could disagree with them tracking me on the internet, but I could opt out.

I cannot opt out of the fucking government watching me wherever they feel they want to put cameras.

And right now, they can put up a camera anywhere they fucking want, and there's nothing I can do about it.

I don't think that's right.

And I think it starts with traffic cams and then safety cams.

And then, oh, well, what if there's a crime on the street?

Don't you want a camera there to catch people?

What if it's a high-crime area?

No,

I don't agree with it.

I think that you're putting a fucking band-aid on a bullet wound.

Why is it a high-crime area?

Why don't you work on that instead of of fucking putting up cameras?

Everywhere else, I use it as an excuse.

Yeah.

It's a slippery slope that I think in 10 years.

There's almost no privacy now.

So, what about if you feel that there's maybe there's crime going on there and you want to capture it?

Well, what do you mean?

You have suspicion that

there's a place, there's an area where

you think that some major crimes are going down and you want to be able to capture it.

You want to be able to monitor it.

It's a private civilian?

Yeah, how do do you feel?

Like then

they're going to monitor the area with cameras because it's a lot cheaper than having

cops stake it out constantly.

No, I don't like it.

I think I don't want cops there.

I'd rather have a cop stake than that.

I think a physical presence means a lot more.

Yeah.

They're undercover now.

Okay.

I think, yeah, I think that that's now we have a bunch of undercover cops running around instead of cams.

I'd rather have that.

Yeah.

I'd rather have that.

I'd way rather have that because I just don't like, I don't like that they've come up with reasons to watch us constantly.

Yeah, and the argument is like, and a lot of people say it, like, well, if you're not doing anything wrong, who cares?

That's not the fucking point.

Yeah, that's not the point.

That's not the point.

I don't want to be watched every second.

And let me tell you something.

If those cams are about school safety, then why don't they shut them off when school's not in session?

How is it about school safety when school's in session?

Because they have those cams there to stop the speed cams to stop people from driving past the school because they'll ticket you and then you learn not to drive past that school.

So why are the cams still on at fucking one in the morning?

If it's about school safety, what the fuck does that have to do with anything?

It's not.

It's a scam to make the city money.

I was talking to a cop in Tinton Falls, and he said he was like, You would not believe the amount of money that we make from

it's a revenue source.

Millions of dollars on Staten Island alone.

Yeah, it's

how they tax.

It's a fucking road tax on people.

What, when you're speeding?

You get caught speeding, you mean?

From the camera?

Well, all right, like last year, like two years ago, the mayor of New York City lowered the speed limit from 35 to 25 on Staten Island, right?

And then put up cams all over the fucking place.

Pete Davidson was pissed.

I heard that you're telling me that that's not a fucking, that that's not a purposeful move to fucking generate more money by having the speed limit be 35 miles per hour for the past 50 fucking years.

Now it's 25 and there's cameras everywhere.

So you're getting ticketed if you fucking drive at the speed you've driven your entire life.

Like, that's not right.

It's not fucking right.

And I look, I could wet it.

If I get a $50 ticket in the mail, it fucking means nothing to me.

But like a guy who's fucking, who, who's, that's like a fucking.

Some construction worker?

Yeah, some asshole construction worker.

Like, that's fucking

a guy with, I have no kids.

I have no dependents.

It's like, I could weather that.

But a guy with fucking four or five kids, 50 bucks to him, like, that's insane.

That's your kids' school lunch money for a week.

And that's right.

The mayor could just do that, and he just fucking does it.

It's like, it's just bullshit.

It's not right.

You're from more government, huh?

You could go to the speed limit.

You could go to the speed limit.

I agree.

I agree.

You could

obey the rules of the law.

But I think what Q saying is they're just arbitrarily changed to suit whatever the government wants at any given moment.

Do you think that there wasn't some sort of studies or

some sort of surveys done or research of why it was brought down 10 miles per hour?

You just think they were just like...

I have no doubt that they have reasons that they could present to you why they did it, whether they make sense.

There is no fucking reason certain streets on Staten Island should be down to 25 miles per hour.

I've lived there my entire life.

35 miles per hour is too slow on some of these streets.

Do they do it with the idea like the parkway?

It's 65.

They know everybody's going to go 75.

So not with cameras?

25.

Yeah, it's true.

Not with cameras.

And on Staten Island, it's 55.

They load it to 55.

Oh, and that's.

It was never 65, actually.

Yeah.

55 miles per hour on a fucking expressway.

That's pretty slow.

What world are we living in?

Like, it's just bullshit.

It's just complete nonsense.

I know you don't like cameras.

Yeah, I don't like them.

How do you feel about mugshots?

Very important.

Really?

You got to catalog.

Listen, the criminals in our possession, you got to catalog them.

There's no way else to root out the evildoers in the society.

Isn't it just

enough to get their fingerprints?

Do we really need a photograph of them?

No, because cops can't see a person's fingerprints just with their eyes.

If there's a serial offender.

Right.

Or even a single-time offender.

Right.

You don't know when he might strike next.

Disgusting scoff law.

Yeah.

Someone who is a blight on society, a parasite.

A maggot, if you will.

That's right.

Tell him Steve Dave mugshot t-shirt is up for pre-order at tellhemstevedave.com.

Now, did you have to give any DNA sample?

I'm a crime profiteer.

I didn't have to.

I offer.

I left that on the bathroom wall on the police station.

Are you in COTIS right now?

What's up?

Are you in CODIS?

Yes, I'm on Interpol.

Is that what it's called, COTIS?

I think that's what it's called.

Like the DNA database.

Like the DNA database.

Yeah.

I don't think so.

I mean, they have my fingerprints, though, because I have a gun license.

So they definitely have all my fingerprints.

And I can't remember.

Yeah, I got fingerprinted at the police station, too.

Oh, wow.

For my crime.

Not even a crime of passion.

Just a crime.

A crime of a tinted license plate.

And a crime of not paying a ticket.

You've managed to actually make the shirt that I've made better.

Well, your design is better.

Not me, as to be expected.

Not me.

My favorite

collaborator.

We don't have to pay them for this, do we?

Because I can't.

Why would we not compensate somebody who worked on something that we're going to stop you?

Oh, come on.

Because we could have just sold it like I did it.

No, fucking.

It was my idea.

I want compensation.

He's a fucking socialist.

I shouldn't get compensated.

But more than you do.

You're working with fucking Bernie over here.

He's a fucking socialist.

I mean, you know what?

In reality, that would have...

I mean, if not for what

Hillary's campaign did to Bernie, we would probably would have had

the first president in that would make a real legitimate change as Bernie.

I know.

You didn't feel the burn, Won't.

No, I mean, I wasn't opposed to having him.

Like, you want somebody that's going to shake it up.

I mean, I didn't want him because fucking my taxes would have gone to 75%, so I'm okay with him

getting fucking screwed up.

Oh, Hillary's still going to.

Yeah, I know, but

what am I going to do?

All right, go back to the shirt, though.

To offset some of your shit.

Oh, we put the TST in a flash on the back?

That is cool, man.

And we colorized.

We did a little Wizard of Oz colorization on the black and white photo.

Yeah, that does look better.

Pops.

It pops.

I almost never wear that shirt.

Almost never.

What shirt?

The Telm C tape shirt.

So it was, yeah, serendipitous.

The day that

the long arm of the law pulls me over.

Now, my only concern is that

will

we and merch table be subject to the RICO Act?

What do you mean?

What's a RICO Act?

Well, I mean, we're profiteering off a crime.

Do we qualify as a criminal enterprise?

I think the only way to do this is to not give you any code of the profits, and Walt and I benefit from the project.

Right, yeah, like the son of Sam law.

Yeah.

All right, yeah.

You guys should take all the money.

It is

going to start shipping out in late November.

So if you order now, you definitely will receive it before Christmas.

That's fucking great, Chairman.

That looks so cool.

You also made like a fade in on the side of the pictures.

Yeah,

this will be up on the 28th and will actually ship out to customers mid to late November.

And we will be offering sizes extra small through 5XL as well as

ladies?

Ladies.

Nice.

I can't wait to be on some boobs, man.

That could be a different crime altogether.

So go check it out now.

Order it now.

Do a a little pre-order.

That was made popular by BQ on Impractical Jokers and Big Apple Con.

Yeah, it's going to be on, it's already on three episodes of season six, Impractical Jokers that are being edited now.

That's

my shirt.

But I'm going to get one of these to wear, the official ones.

I look forward to seeing what Pam and Edgar think of it.

Yeah.

Well, yeah, I'll go meet your shirt.

Well, check it out.

Wear this around.

So proud of you, boy.

Your father will,

what would his reaction be

he'd be like i gave you the keys and this is what you did

i'm glad you at least realize it

tell him steve dave.com tellhemsteve dave.com

so anyway are you for more government well you like when the government steps in and it depends on what it brings down the hammer it it totally depends on the uh the type of government that um

is being uh offered

you know some some more sometimes i'm for more government sometimes i'm not Yeah.

Who do you dislike more?

The American government or eBay?

eBay's been on your ass recently.

One and the same.

Yeah.

We need it.

If you work at eBay, we need you.

Yeah.

I need an eBay insider.

I need someone to show me the loopholes.

I mean, talk about Big Brother.

They're watching you.

Oh, yeah.

But again, that's a site they own that you're opting into.

That's the difference.

I never sit there and go, I'm not trying to circumvent or do something I'm not supposed to do.

I realize that.

And when I get caught, I'm like,

oh, I got caught.

What am I going to do?

I'm not going to sit there and

stick my hand in the fire and then cry when it gets burned.

I understand why it got burned.

And then you're going to try to figure out a way to do it without getting burned.

Exactly.

Loopholes.

Yeah.

They're there for a reason.

They've got to be shut down.

That's just human nature.

We will always look for a loophole.

The path of least resistance.

Oh, I don't know, but it's least.

What's that mean?

In this case, is that the proper analogy?

Sure.

Like, you want to do something on eBay you're not supposed to do.

No, no, no, it's not even that.

I just want to, it's just so stupid and involved.

It's just like

the rules that they put into place, it's not even trying to do something bad.

It's like

I sold some things over the course of a year.

Seven items out of like 3,000 auctions or 300 or whatever it is,

I was out of stock on, so I couldn't fulfill the order, so I had to cancel the order.

So now I'm what's considered below standard, and they keep

those marks, those black marks on your record, stay there for a year, which put limitations on my account, which I can't do certain things because I'm below standard because of something I had out of stock over almost a year ago.

And you don't want to start another account because then you got to.

Yeah, you got to start all over again.

But

it's just that I'm trying to get somebody who can just be like,

that's outrageous.

That's a word called when

it's too overzealous over a year.

Yeah, they're overzealous in their pursuit of the small retailer.

I agree.

Walt Flanagan.

So if you're an eBay insider, KMUSE2 at gmail.com,

let's bring down this fucking powerhouse.

This eBay.

They're big for it.

I mean,

they should look into that, though.

If I was, like I said, if I was Trump,

I would be like, I'd I'd look into them as

what's it called when you have a monopoly.

I don't think any other any other auction sites

would have a fair

shake at starting

because of eBay being on the scene.

And they also own PayPal now, too, right?

No, they had to get rid of that.

Oh, did they?

Yeah, that was, yeah, they had to get rid of that double dipping on fees.

Yeah, when Kevin was calling it EJ and they sent him a fee synthesis.

Yeah, for a long time.

Yeah, they've been

They haven't liked the stash.

Here's an example of the government stepping in.

Walt, I'll see what you think about this.

This is more Halloween stuff.

All right.

This is Tufts University.

Where is that?

New York?

Do you know where Tufts is?

Do I look like a college educator?

No.

All right, we don't know where Tufts is, but.

If you're around Tufts,

all fraternities and sororities

were sent a letter asking them to police their parties for inappropriate, offensive, and appropriative costumes.

Costumes that would appropriate, say, another culture.

No, this is something different.

So costumes that appropriative and appropriate.

Fuck.

Costumes that appropriate cultures reproduce stereotypes on race, gender, sexuality, immigrant, or socioeconomic status.

So don't try going as a hobo queue.

Outfits relating to tragedy.

Don't try going as the Twin Towers.

Controversy or acts of violence.

This is not going to be allowed.

There are consequences for wearing an offensive costume.

The range of response for students whose actions make others in our community feel threatened or unsafe or who direct contact towards others that is offensive or discriminatory.

The police will investigate, and then disciplinary sanctions from the office could run a wide gamut depending on what is brought to their attention.

This is why we need more cameras so we can free up police to investigate this.

You go the wrong way.

I think that the police should be focusing 100% of their energy on deciding what's offensive and what's not.

I'm not.

Mini Sombrero.

You see somebody in a mini sombrero this Halloween.

Do I call the police?

Kojak on that fucking case.

I don't know.

Or do I have to be a Mexican person to call?

Or do you have to be an offended Mexican person?

Because what if you're not offended?

Even if you're not offended.

Oh, this is a sticky wicked history.

What if there's a Mexican gentleman who is offended, but then there's another Mexican gentleman who acts as a person?

He's like, hey, man, it's cool, let's say.

Yeah, so then who do you go with?

Personally?

I go with a guy who doesn't give a shit.

Because you would hang out with him in real life.

Yes.

Right, because he sounds like a cool ass guy.

Yeah, he's already.

I like that fucking loser was like, what's that, a sombrero?

Yeah, a mini sombrero, even worse.

What is the consequences you face if the police deem your costume to be offensive?

Now, if the police are getting involved, what is the

face of fine?

Can you

jail time?

Exonerated?

Yeah, you could be sent up the river.

Brock Turner got no jail time for raping a chick, but this fucking Brock Turner, but this fucking guy's going to fucking go to jail for a mini secret.

This is what the police say.

We encourage all students that feel like they've encountered someone who is wearing an inappropriate and offensive costume to please file a report.

Inappropriate to who?

Who?

Offensive Offensive to who?

It's so subjective.

It's fucking unenforceable.

Like, let's say

I'm a tough student, right?

In some fucking alternate universe.

And I'm like, I'm going to dress as a tampon.

Sure.

All right?

You know it's going to be offensive to somebody, though.

To somebody?

Yeah.

But

it doesn't.

What is it?

What ghost costume?

What?

It's offensive to me because my grandmother's dead.

Right.

And it reminds you of a very hard time in your life.

You're being my grandmother right now?

Yeah.

He's like,

it's 9-1-1.

Can't be 9-1-1.

Yeah.

Hold on, you stay right there.

Citizens arrest.

You're just trying to be sarcastic now.

No, well, that's where it's headed, buddy.

Yeah, because

you said that last week.

You're like, well, that's where it's headed.

You said on the Halloween episode with these costumes, I mean, with the mental asylums, right?

So where does it stop then?

Does it stop where you can't make movies about

haunted mental asylums?

Can you not write a song then about a haunted mental asylum?

Can you not do a comic about a haunted mental asylum?

But

you know fully well

what's a safe costume and what's not.

And so,

I mean, there is definitely.

But who's to determine what's safe?

You have the parameters right there.

Right, but 10 years ago, those costumes were safe.

Right, but we live in a different world now.

Right.

So

who says it's different?

Who says it's different, though?

Yeah, 10 years from now,

it may change.

That's just the way it is.

Right, but

what he's saying is like 10 years from now, you might not even be able to make a movie about a haunted asylum.

Could be.

Maybe.

I invested a lot in that tampon costume.

I thought three decades of Halloween, I could wear it.

So, and this is, you're having a valid response.

I don't think that's an invalid response because that's kind of where I'm at, where it's just like, you don't care.

If the world, it doesn't matter to you.

Yeah,

it's not going to affect me in my Halloween decisions 10 years from now.

Right.

But what if, okay, you have a grandchild, and he's like, hey, pops, I want to go out as a tampon with Uncle Bride.

How do you know?

Because our

society is moving towards more thoughtful and

diversive viewpoints.

And we're moving in a way that, you know, we're trying to.

These are the growing pains that we all have to endure to become a society that we should all be proud of.

Why?

Why can't you be proud of

controversy?

Why are you screaming of the people who want to be like I just want to like it shouldn't be nothing I want to I want to dress up like what I want to dress up as regardless but you know but you're just trying to poke you're just trying to poke and

agitate and become that like

you want the reaction we don't want to deal with people like you anymore

well I'm not going to trick a treat of your house then don't we're tired we're tired of assholes you are not tired of it otherwise you wouldn't still be doing this show with me.

But the younger generation is tired of

the old assholes who want to be like.

Oh, younger generation, let me fucking pander to you because you've done so much to contribute to society except whine and bitch and complain about everything that we've done.

They've built nothing.

They're changing shit.

They're changing the landscape.

Yeah, but every generation does that, Brian.

That's their role to do this.

yes that's what they're supposed to do what did we change we changed nothing to put

we changed nothing what did we change

our generation yeah oh i mean what we we definitely changed a lot from like from when our parents were younger

let's say okay in the seven like

sexual uh sexualized costumes all came out of our generation

we're just talking about halloween implications wait a second tranny granny what are you talking about like under under our our generation's heyday,

costumes move towards more.

Yeah, but that was an improvement over the fucking racist costumes.

Exactly.

Like, we improved on that.

Yeah.

And now this generation is improving on that.

Yeah, and the next generation.

How are they improving on it by saying you can't wear

it so everybody can enjoy Halloween?

I'm a waltz.

We're tired of your shit.

But again, yeah, old man Johnson.

I mean, you don't see how it's their job to fucking change what they deem wrong?

No.

Why not?

It's not their job.

Whose job is it?

It's always the younger generations that's going to come in and fucking flush out the vile

elderly turds.

And the infected.

Found the American toilet.

The infected and

just nasty viewpoints that are not, they don't want it anymore, man.

But what's nasty about it?

I'm still not sure on what's nasty about a costume that you don't even really know what it is, but someone says that's offensive, which again is subjective.

You don't know.

You don't know what the safe costumes are.

We all know it.

No, you don't know it.

You don't know.

I just read an article today.

I read an article.

I don't know what the safe costumes are.

I read an article today that there was a sweater somebody was selling at, I think it's in the UK.

It's at some fucking store.

And it's a snowman that's like melting.

And he says, I'm having a meltdown.

Some lady says, well, that's offensive to people who have anxiety problems or

on the autism spectrum or and freak out or whatever the fuck.

So you can't sell us a snowman shirt.

I think they did keep selling it, but she doesn't want you to be able to sell a snowman shirt where somebody, where he's saying, I'm having a meltdown, which is a very common saying that is not aimed at any particular group.

So you should be able to get rid of that shirt.

In a climate where,

and things are changing quickly.

Like even last year, things are that were

acceptable are now, not that they're unacceptable, but you may face

ramifications.

Well, the sanction targets.

You're totally right.

Last year, I went as a tampon and blackface.

This year, I can't do that.

You can barely get away with the blackface.

But if you're unless you're on Staten Island, yeah.

But if you're if you're a company or a corporation that's selling to the public and you're not on top of your game and you're sitting there going like,

well, if you're not if you don't have young um

socially active uh online active people in your corporation there to tell you well you may not want to market this then you deserve every fucking bear trap you step your fat foot into you're you're talking about me and my fat foot

talking about like the company that sold the meltdown shirt go do it go hire some young people do the biggest pussies on earth hire some hire the people who are the most offended at everything and you deserve neither neither liberty nor safety, motherfucker.

That's the bottom line.

Oh, it's money, of course.

So pay them, pay your, get some young people on the payroll, have them be the

your sound

and be like, hey, we're marketing this, we're marketing this, we're marketing this.

Give us feedback on this.

What do you anticipate online reaction to be?

Meltdown, no good?

Fuck it.

We don't need this.

How much could they make off it anyway?

Who knows?

It's not worth it.

But okay, does it end there, though?

Then it's the OCD shirt.

This is the way that the young generation wants it, though.

That's the way they want it.

I don't give a fuck about them.

I don't give a fuck about the way they want it.

I don't care.

But

they're going to make real changes.

I'm dressing as a fucking tampon this year.

God is my witness.

They're going to make real changes

while you just sit there with a mini sombrero on.

With a tin can and a fucking string yelling out the window, and the only person that can hear it is fucking Suzanne.

Yeah, it doesn't change anything.

It's certainly not you because you're driving by in your lead-lined anti-cell phone car.

I mean, it's unfortunate.

Maybe it's not unfortunate, but that's the way the world works, bro.

That young generation will drive that fucking car where they want it to go.

Right.

They don't want you or need your input.

You're all lose, bro.

I don't think that this young generation is depending on me.

Can you please impart some of your wisdom and what you've learned?

Your generation changed so much, like sexy costume.

If they try to change that, I'll fucking burn down the entire generation.

They already are changing sexuality.

Girls have every right to dress as sluts on Halloween.

And if people try taking that away, I agree.

Girls always will.

Don't worry about that.

What's that?

Girls always will.

Don't worry about that.

They want attention.

But look, if you, you, they only said bitches.

Big girls.

Big girls.

Big girls have the right to dress that way.

Yeah, but like, you are wearing, you wear in a position.

This is what I've been saying for the past six months on this show: that I don't care anymore.

I've pulled myself out of society in that way because, like, my thoughts don't matter anymore.

So I'm not getting worked up over anything because what I feel

means nothing.

I'm of the age where it's just passed me by, man.

Well, stop at once and try just to look at it from your other point of view and be like, look at how much this generation is changing already just by using this.

I'm holding up a phone.

Oh, you mean the second leading cause of deaths on the highway?

Yeah, I'm looking at it.

No, you know, I'll use this then.

I'm holding up up an iPad.

A first generation iPad.

Thank you, Rich.

Just by using this, look at how much they've changed already.

Right.

And you'll say for not for the better, but some people will be like,

it's more inclusive.

It's more thoughtful.

It's not, though.

It makes you be more thoughtless.

You can go on Twitter and fucking, or Facebook, or whatever, and post your opinion, and it's in a sea of opinions.

It doesn't really matter.

Like how many, like Pete Davidson, how many more people online can say Trump is an asshole or Trump is this or Trump is that?

Like you said, get it.

Everyone thought this before.

Everyone's thinking it now.

What you're adding to the chorus is nothing new.

It's old and tired and retread.

It's not changing anything.

Yes, it is.

What is it changing?

You don't think that the internet has truly

piled on so much of anti-Trump sentiment that it is causing people to

not even say whatsoever

even if they want Trump, they're loath to go online and say it.

Right, so it doesn't change anything.

They'll still go in that booth and vote for him.

But it's changing the way you, but it's changing the way that you behave online, which in fact changes the way you behave in real life.

No, I disagree.

Except when it bad is.

It does change the way you behave online.

I mean, in real life.

Maybe not you, but I'm talking about people who.

I'm an OG troll, son, long before the internet came along.

You were shining flashlights in your friend trying to get late when you were fucking.

That's how I was changing the world.

Did I tell you about what happened at Walmart?

No.

That I was online.

I was working the late shift.

They were always beating everybody.

I was so lucky, though.

That I made an obviously stupid, stupid joke.

It was a joke about Hillary because she was on the cover of

the star.

Oh, and your daughter was mortified.

Because the lady turned around and started giving me flack about it.

What was the joke?

I'm sure it was.

Oh, her nose.

It was a picture of her and her nose had grown.

And I said, oh, I knew that was going to happen.

I said, there's only so many lies you can tell before

your physical appearance will start to change.

I said,

it's not even that bad.

And, well, yeah.

And you're not even talking to this lady.

I wasn't talking to this lady.

And it's true.

She's lied.

Yeah, it's not even untrue.

Right.

But the lady turned around and started

giving me some flack.

What was the gist of her comments?

Something about, she made a Trump comment

that made, well, like, well, he's worse, some sort of analogy.

And I was just like, I was taken aback by it.

And I was like, huh?

Someone should fucking build a wall around you, bitch.

And

when that lady left, like, she paid for her shit and left, my daughter was like, that's why you can never talk about that stuff in public.

That's what you said to your daughter?

No, that's what she said to me.

Oh, okay.

So now she's your boss.

That's a 13-year-old.

That's the kind of, you don't, we don't want that kind of reaction, dad.

They don't want to be.

You killed it?

Nice.

The fly is dead.

Fucking dangerous.

Femme fatal.

They don't want any kind of confrontation.

They don't want a confrontation in public

about something that

most people are not going to agree with.

So don't say anything that could be, again, construed.

Keep it to yourself.

Yeah.

Don't even talk to your daughter in a private conversation that could be possibly overheard by some big-mouth fucking broad.

Not when it's something as hot topic as politics.

You know,

you speak in public about politics.

You cannot be expected to.

What you said was so fucking benign.

I understand.

I thought it was too.

I thought it was obvious as a joke, but again, she didn't see my face when I said it, though.

Right.

So she didn't know if I was serious or not about it.

She turned around and the gut just.

And so she was like, hey, I heard you talking about people's appearances like literally physically changing when they tell too many lies.

And that probably what you're telling your young daughter is that this cover is actually not Photoshopped, but Hillary's nose has grown because I'm that fucking stupid.

I'm your average Walmart customer, a fucking idiot.

Again, but you're, you are, you are.

And I go to Walmart a lot.

You are seeing and hearing the wrong part of that.

No, no, no.

I'm hearing you being like, I better shut up.

No,

again,

you're hearing the wrong thing over the point I'm trying to make.

Young people don't want to be confronted and have to be able and have to like.

Of course, they want to run to their safe space.

To defend.

They're triggered.

Or not even defend, but.

Triggered?

They don't want to be confronted in public about something about reality.

It's not reality.

No, it's reality.

Let me ask you this, okay, Mr.

Fucking liberal.

This isn't Berkeley.

This is one of the most, this is also Fox News, so we'll take it for what it's worth.

Berkeley protesters demand spaces of color, harass white students trying to pass.

These are ultra left-wingers.

That doesn't make any sense to me.

Okay.

Say it again.

Students are calling for safe spaces for transgendered people as well as spaces of color

at the university, which they already have.

Protesters are also harassing white students trying to study, barring their path across a key bridge while allowing students of color safe passage.

The protests, which began last Friday, disrupted studying students, blocked traffic at the intersection in front of the campus.

The bridge was a

the bridge is the bridge is like, I guess it was a way to get to this somewhere.

And I guess black people or people of color, whatever, are like, white people can't use this bridge.

You got to take the long way around.

Are you sure?

This is what I'm reading.

I'm reading this on foxnews.com.

Like I said, it's not always the most reliable source.

So if you have a,

it bad enough you're a fucking big enough puss hole that you're like I need a safe space.

But now you're like, I need a segregated safe space, something that the generation before us fought against to change.

And now they're trying to fucking change it back.

It's a metaphor.

The bridge is a metaphor.

No, it is not.

It's a bridge in the future.

If your daughter was going to Berkeley and tried to cross that bridge, they'd be like, yo, cracker, take the fucking long way.

Because we've been using the quote-unquote bridge to take the shortcut for so long

now let's fuck them now we got to walk around now your daughter has to pay how do you feel if we built a bridge just for the white people walt next to the black people's bridge but we made it really ornate with like covered heated in the winter and everything was fine was that is that okay if white people built their own bridge that was different

of course not well

what options what options are we talking about then if the only way across i mean i mean you can walk in the valley to make a point i you know i kind of what if we made that valley nice It's growing pains.

It's growing pains.

It's not.

This is.

This is fucking racist.

Do you not say it's racist?

It's not.

It is.

It's prejudice and it's bigoted to say you're white, you can't walk here.

Exactly as bigoted as somebody saying you're black, you can't walk here.

I would never fucking tell somebody they couldn't use my bridge.

I'm like, hey, bro, do it.

Come on, man.

This bridge is rainbow.

Tranny, black guy, Puerto Rican, Chinese, everybody.

This is the rainbow bridge.

This is nowhere.

It ends suddenly.

It ends with me in a tampon costume.

The small steps.

The small steps that

are taken to bring everybody up to speed.

So this is bringing people together by saying, hey, let's get safe spaces that are segregated, that only black people can be here.

Because you know if there was a safe space and it was like only white people can be here, it would be a whole thing.

Rightfully so.

But But in this society, since everyone's such a fucking pussy and they're afraid to say anything, it's like, well, I just let the black people have a space that way.

Nobody will pay for them, you know, and we won't hear any bullshit from Black Lives Matter.

You've got to

let them drive the car the way that they want it to go, though.

So now you're living in their fucking world?

Yeah.

Fuck them.

Fuck these assholes.

They don't have enough experience.

Wait, when you say fuck them, who do you mean?

I'm talking about Staten Island.

I'm talking about black people.

No, no, no, not at all.

I'm talking about these fucking ultra-left-wing liberals.

Give you the keys, and now you're fucked up.

He never should have done it.

Look what I turned it into.

And now we have to give them the keys and

get out of the way and let them steer.

And if they want to steer it to where they want it to go and build the America that they want, let them have it.

Oh, because it's not my America.

You're never going to be crossing that bridge.

You had your fucking chance to make a difference.

You didn't do it.

You crossed that bridge.

You never do nothing.

I did too.

I went to community college for a few semesters.

And now

I've been told that I wasn't about to get all the people crossed the goddamn bridges.

I'm only 80 credits away from an associate's degree.

The formative years when you were young, viral, and powerful, and you had a chance to do shit.

You didn't do nothing.

You did nothing.

You fucking fucked around.

All right.

And now you want to cry when it's their turn.

Now you want to bitch emotional.

I was happy with the status quo.

Yeah, because the status quo was everything for you and nothing for them.

Right, exactly.

Right.

You admit it.

There was no bridges where I was like, oh, cool, no black people are on this bridge.

That's not from my time.

I like seeing black people on bridges.

My point is,

I'm going to jump off that bridge ever.

Berkeley.

Yes.

You never know.

Why do you give a fuck?

Maybe I'll go into a sit-in.

All right, and then if someone tells you not to cross that bridge, what are you going to do?

I'm going to power through.

Then that's it.

So what are you worried about?

Well, they'll they'll probably beat the shit out of me.

Like Walt said, I'm not younger than Berald.

I'm wrong.

Like, I'll take one swing, get out of breath, and I'll be in the hospital.

And they're wrong, but it's just like it's literally a situation that will never affect you, ever.

Ever.

But what if it affects Walt's daughter?

Well,

I care about her.

She's part of that generation.

She's part of the problem.

This is what she runs

at Walmart telling you to shut up, saying, hey, man, don't talk about fucking Trump.

This is the unintended consequences of the world.

It's not the unintended consequence.

She understands the areas that she should

delve into and not.

She knows.

She can go wherever she wants.

Not that Breach of Berkeley.

Right.

She knows to walk around like she should.

Oh, my God.

Oh, that poor girl.

She doesn't want the confrontation.

It's not worth it to her.

I'm calling child services on this guy.

That's not right.

Right.

She knows she doesn't deserve to walk across it.

The sins of her fathers.

Right.

Your sins?

Mine.

You're talking forefathers.

Oh, yeah, I'm talking about forefathers.

We went as matching tampons in Blackface won Halloween.

That's what he's talking about.

Tell him, Steve Davis.

Hey,

here I come again.

Dragon's bad and touches through the wind.

Well, what

am I supposed to do?

Just wanna share my manages with you.

I gotta rock them on lobsters,

I gotta live with the mail.

I got popper and stealthy, I got taco mail, and my fucking hail.

Lost it,

baby, here I go.

You know how I miss you when I go

stumbling

down the street.

Girl, that's all my producing that is here.

Girl,

I gotta rock all my steps.

I gotta listen to the mails.

I gotta buckle the seller, I gotta talk about bills.

And my fucking hands.

Hey,

here I come again.

Dragging about in touch with the wind.

Well, what

I'm not supposed to do.

Just wanna share my badass news family

I gotta run your losses

I gotta listen to mails

I gotta pop on steppers I gotta talk about them

And my fucking hat

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