#308: The 2016 Overdose Full Special
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Transcript
Greetings, TESC Town.
The 18th Sergeant of Light has returned.
As have I, Telequis.
Yes, we have both returned to TESD Town to celebrate our favorite Earth holiday, Halloween.
That's right, Sarge L 18.
And how do we like to celebrate Halloween?
By listening to the Telemsteve Day Halloween special, of course.
Commence the TESD Halloween special now, Telequa.
I, Sarge L18, doth command it.
You heard the Sarge.
Let's start the show.
Happy Halloween, everyone.
Hello, darling.
This is Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, and you're listening to the Tell'em Steve Dave Halloween Spookular.
I was working it out.
You spoke directly to Giddam.
I saw you.
So what
No more more answers, no more thinking.
I feel like I've lost my mind.
The two of you are staring at each other.
Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell I'm Steve Dave, the spooky Halloween edition.
The spooktacular.
We made that up.
Spectacular.
We own that.
Yeah.
Don't try to steal it.
Q, you're back.
I'm back.
After a hiatus?
Yeah, a couple of weeks.
A couple of weeks.
And
you were named Pussle of the Week.
Yeah, I know.
You may have heard.
Why was I named Puzzle of the Week?
Because coming into this, I mean, I literally dragged my ripped, bleeding, torn, crushed carcass here to record this week.
You did.
I didn't take...
Prescription grade painkillers all day so I would be lucid for this episode.
I wasn't lucid for years.
Right.
You could have done it for an hour.
And I have been like
fucking human.
It was painful to drive down here today.
I have a crushed nerve in my hip.
My tailbone buttocks area is all.
And this is all from the Brett Michaels experience?
None of it from Brett Michaels.
That was where my ass hurt the week before.
Only to come here to find that I'm puss all the week.
Yeah.
It doesn't add up, brother.
A secret source told us that instead of coming down to record, tell them Steve Dave, you went to a Brett Michaels concert.
We can't reveal his identity or her identity.
Well, it's not that it wasn't secret.
And why am I responsible for making it down here the one night a week?
Why can't everybody work?
Why isn't it like everybody's schedule has got to be accommodated?
Why isn't it just
somebody else can't do it Monday, so I have to do it the night of a concert I've had tickets to?
I don't know.
I could have done it, right?
Oh, yeah.
Every night we would have been free.
We're always free.
All right, so what are we talking about here?
We're talking about you, the one day that you said you could do it, going to a Bryn Michaels concert instead.
I think that's what we're talking about.
It wasn't worth it.
It was worth it.
Really?
Yeah, man.
I loved it more than doing two.
He fucking
kicked it all night long.
He fucking, I don't know if you know this, but he likes cowboy hats.
Bandanas.
Yeah, he had a bunch of bandanas.
He's awesome.
You go there, and before he even comes out on stage,
and I'll never.
Look, the guy puts on a hell of a show, but you know, you're seeing an 80s icon when you get there, and
the only thing that's on the stage are six giant photos of himself blown up, like seven-foot-high photos of himself in the world in the 80s.
Yeah, oh boy, it's amazing.
But whereas you say, oh boy,
I'm sorry, lest I fucking offend his biggest fan.
Like, there were definitely, like, photos
that make him look like sexy Brett Michaels, no matter what era he's in.
I never understood that because you have all these photos from
30 years ago.
Yeah.
And then you're on stage.
Yeah.
So people can make the comparison immediately and be like, ooh.
Nah, this guy holds up well.
He sleeps in a chamber at night or something.
Hyper.
He's got the energy.
He's Hyperbolic.
Yeah, he sleeps in a chamber,
but he has got the energy.
He's shooting around stage.
He's singing his songs.
His voice hasn't lost a beat.
What do you open with?
He opened with
What did he close with?
He did a Kiss cover.
Kiss.
Yeah, he did Kiss Cover.
He did TwitHome, Alabama.
He did a bunch of covers.
Did he play it?
Yes.
Let me tell you something.
Everybody brought out their cell phones.
I was the only one in the theater that had a fucking tell him Steve Dave Zippo pulled it out.
Within about five minutes, security came over and asked me to please.
So I was shut down.
So when he's doing that, that
love ballad.
Yeah.
Is the floor basically like a slip and slide from all the girls?
Dude,
it is
wall-to-wall, drunk Jersey chicks, way past their prime, still in love with them.
Fucking amazing.
It's just a blast.
Sleep in hyperbaric chamber.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
It's as if he vampires off there as
to stay young.
Like they go on that tour, bro, and he just sucks off a decade here or there for himself.
He's fucking great.
He plays, he doesn't fuck around with like, here's a song I wrote a year ago.
You know what I mean?
He's like, here's the songs you want to hear.
Here's the songs you want to hear.
Here's a couple of songs you didn't even know you wanted to hear by other artists.
Gonna play them too.
He's all over that goddamn stage.
The guitarist from Cinderella is his guitarist now.
Oh, yeah.
He's into it.
I have a feeling like if 10 people showed up, he'd put on the same fucking show as he does in a pack theater.
The guy loves what he's doing.
Loves it.
Can learn a lesson from that guy.
I did learn a lesson from that guy.
What'd you learn?
About appearing.
You can play the cowboy hat on?
Yeah.
I mean, the guy really exudes that he enjoys what he's doing up on stage.
It made me be like, you know what?
I got to make sure that I'm always putting out there that I'm enjoying it as a public.
Even though you're not.
Even if sometimes I may not be.
You really, really fucking, you know.
He changed your life.
Yeah, I mean, I'm not going to go that far.
Maybe it's good you didn't come last week.
But so, whatever.
I mean, you want to call me a puss hole for going to a concert?
For the record, I did not.
I don't think I deserve it, man.
I'm going to nominate you for the puss hole of the week.
Yesterday.
Thank you, Walter.
Yesterday was a mouth.
I didn't exactly fuck fight your heart testing, though.
I did not think that you should have been brandished the puss hole.
I appreciate that, buddy.
That means a lot to me.
I'm no potato chip.
I'm here.
That's right.
Wounded.
Proven.
Yesterday was in Mount Sinai getting neurological tests.
Here I am.
Well, do you want to tell people what happened?
Yes.
Sure.
Yeah.
But we have the big
practical jokers November 3rd at the Rudential Centers.
What are you guys coming to that?
What day is that?
November 3rd.
It's Thursday.
I leave for Florida that
I didn't realize it when I said I was coming.
All right, no big deal.
Sorry.
It's all right, buddy.
Hey, guess who's not going to Florida?
You coming?
Nice.
I can get a ticket.
Yeah, you can get a ticket.
Get him, you coming?
Yeah, I guess.
I don't have his mic on.
You're going to come to dinner that night?
Are you going to skip dinner that night?
All right, thanks.
So there you go.
Thanks, buddy.
That means a lot to me.
So
we have that big with Nitro Circus.
Now, I don't really want to talk about what we're doing there because they haven't revealed yet for whatever reason.
But you can be sure with Nitro Circus, there's some amount of stuntish shenanigans going on.
Yeah, I was wondering if this recent accident of yours would have
called in an alternate joker, maybe Chris Ledondo.
We're working on plans now because something's got to happen.
Because I was down in the Nitro Circus compound.
It's my first time in an ATV, and I've learned that within five minutes.
I flipped a 600-pound ATV walt, came down on my left side, and then rolled over me.
Crushed me pretty good.
Crushed a nerve in my leg.
I still don't have feeling.
They're saying if I get feeling back in my left hip, it won't be.
There's a potentially that you'll have a numb leg for the rest of your life?
Just the hip, yeah.
There's a potential, a strong potential, that I will have no feeling in my left hip for the rest of my life.
With injuries like this, sometimes they come back, sometimes they don't.
You never know.
I mean, that's the nature of the game you're in, though, now.
I'm not really a physical comedian.
Yeah, I don't know about that.
Well, that's what I said.
I was like, when did you guys kind of turn into jackass, you know, where they're doing these stunts?
Like when Q sent the video to us, I saw him going over that jump, and I was was like, I didn't know he was experienced.
Oh, I'm not.
And then two seconds later, yeah, then I saw that rollover, and I was like, I mean, the fact that he texted it to us let me know that he was okay.
But when I saw you flip over, I got that feeling.
Like, my mother's instituted this feeling of like everything is worst-case scenario, no matter what.
So, like, if somebody's five minutes late and you hear like a siren go off, they're
dead in addition.
No, no, I wouldn't get worried, but growing up, that was always like if my father, like Edgar wasn't home yet, it was Edgar was dead.
But I try not to let it get to me, but when I saw that with Q, it did.
I had that weird feeling of like, oh, my God, like, I hope he's okay.
See, I had the feeling of, I was like, man, could you imagine?
There's no way the puzzle we could survive that.
Can you imagine
if that was something, that would have been the, maybe the most viewed video on YouTube if like something really bad happened.
He got like Stephen Hawking packed.
I mean, that video would have made the rounds worldwide.
I thought it would have gone viral.
Yeah.
Well, it's a shame.
See, that's the road rash.
It keeps bleeding like random.
Why don't you have that rap better?
You're supposed to let it breathe to the air.
She was oozing all over the place.
My bed in the morning, it's like make sure it pauses.
It's on the road rash or just on the armor's on the back of the bottom.
No, my back to back.
Nothing as bad as that.
Like, that's the worst of it.
So
there was a mic pack on my right side, and when I hit the ground and the ATV immediately rolled on me, I heard a crunch, and I felt just a pain shoot up.
And in my mind, I was like, I have lost.
I just broke my hip.
Turned out I broke the mic pack, thank God.
And then I tried to get up, and I immediately went back down because a nerve had just gone on my leg, and
there was a lot of pain.
It caused a lot of death.
I broke ribs.
I got broken ribs.
Yes, I got broken ribs.
Like, you just recovered from them recently.
I can't get a break.
And
how are you then saying that you're not a physical comedian?
Because, I mean, it's certainly funny, that video.
But you're doing it for the sake of comedy, though.
Yeah, but we're not, like, it's an aberration.
I don't think we're really physical guys.
I don't think we're ever going to do anything like that again.
I think that was the.
I was shocked that insurance covered that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was.
Well, the Nitro Circus guys.
Yeah, usually, like, you can't get insurance because they primarily are not.
physical comedians.
They don't do physical, like, put themselves in danger that much.
So,
I mean, I mean, the show, like, a a lot of the stunts that punishments involved jumping off fucking sheer cliffs.
Here and there,
they're up high up on like little trolleys and shit.
Right.
They're walking tightropes, allegedly.
It was a conspiracy.
I was unaware of it.
I remember saved that for overkill.
I remember after he did it, I was like, it looked weird.
Oh, yeah.
It looked all herky jerky.
And why would they make the moment the greatest moment of all time?
Why would they pull back so far?
But I showed you the footage.
Yeah, I know.
I'm close footage.
That was a joke.
Yeah, I guess.
But it's not what we're known for.
But you're right.
I guess there has a.
I think that element is gone now.
You're going to eliminate the
Nitro factor.
I'm not doing it.
The Nitro Circus guys are very cool, very nice.
I like them very much.
But
you don't have to let them down.
Well, you know, what's
supposed to do at Nitro Circus, right?
Well, the November 3rd, I don't know what I can do or can't do.
Like, everything's in question now.
The event's probably going to be better because I can't do it if I can't do it because we're coming up with alternate plans for me that might be better than the original.
But
we don't know if I can't do it and we don't.
You can't just go inside a giant gerbil ball
with broken ribs.
Maybe we're like a midget clown or something.
Now you feel like you guys are wrestling naked.
Why don't you only do things that
maybe put your left hip at risk
since already you don't have any feelings, so it wouldn't hurt.
What do you do for the physical therapy then?
Do you have like to have some sort of massage?
There's nothing.
Oh, I do have a prescription for
oxy.
I know.
And I was suggested that
I get, what do they call it?
Like medical massage therapy.
That's oh, yeah, it's a thing.
Your hips?
Yeah, my whole body.
Don't go to Walt's guy in the mall.
To bring back the feeling in that hip?
I don't know if it's to bring back the feeling.
I think the only thing I could do that is time.
The nerve has to reattach itself.
So it's been a rough week, and then to just be called puss hole
via social media the entire time.
I gotta tell you, it's a downer, man.
It doesn't feel right.
I'll tell you what.
I want to rescind it with Walt's support, I named you Puss Hole of the Week.
That's right,
but yeah, after seeing this and you coming down here, and I'm looking at you, you are, you're all scraped up.
Yeah, I'm in pain, and you're walking very stiff.
Yeah, so uh, thank you, yeah.
But
I mean, let's be honest, though, like that, I mean, it's
you have you've you've had to bow out because of physical things too, though.
So it's
a bit hard.
Well,
that was your fault for not naming me puss hole of the week.
That's on you guys.
Yeah,
the colonel's no puss hole.
Certainly not.
A puss hole of the, what was it, like Man of the Decade?
Remember Time Magazine?
Right.
Hitler, you know.
Hitler.
Puss hole of the decade.
Still Hitler.
All right.
That was it.
I just wanted that.
I wanted to make my case for getting that rescinded.
Okay.
It's officially been taken off.
Strike it like you're like you're on a jury.
Disregard that.
You never heard that.
Yeah, that is permanently removed from your record.
I appreciate it.
And tell them Steve Dave Towns.
Thank you.
All the town records now have it, you know.
Right.
A red line.
It's been expunged.
Yeah.
You're exonerated.
It's been bleached.
It's been ridiculous.
I got Hillary's team on it.
You just read an email about this shit.
Oh, I just deleted it.
In fact, if anybody brings it up, it's grounds for libel.
So watch yourselves.
All right.
All right.
Thank you.
Okay.
So we got, okay, so this is our Halloween episode.
We got some Halloween stuff here.
We got some puss holes.
I'm curious to see what you guys think about this.
This happened a few weeks ago.
Knottsberry Farb closes controversial mental institution themed haunted house no
yes
um
fear vr virtual reality i guess it's supposed to mean was a new haunted house at not scary farm and it was about a possessed patient running around a mental institution uh they closed it down because one guy complained uh his son got shot by the cops because he was like a schizophrenic and
I guess he was freaking out, and the cops shot him.
And he wants everyone to know that mental illness is no joke.
They're more likely to be a victim of crime than to commit a crime.
But murder's no joke.
Yeah, and every, like, we sell, like, you know, Jason
machetes.
Yeah.
So, I mean, we are murdered.
So, if my son was murdered, I could call him Knotts Very Farm and be like, hey, man, my son was murdered.
How dare you highlight murder?
Certainly seems like it's pointing.
Everything's pointing in that direction.
Eventually, that will happen, I think, and we'll have to only be dressed up as like
rainbow ponies,
you know, because there'll be no more scary.
No, not because of the gates, just because it was cheerful.
Okay.
You know, cheerful and non-threatening.
Right.
And non-you know, it doesn't trigger anything.
Right.
Giddam, is your mic on?
No.
Turn on.
Can ponies be scary?
Some people, yeah.
This is a guy who's
brought down by a pool noodle.
That's true.
But you've dealt with ponies, right?
Yeah.
On the farm.
Yeah.
Has a pony ever injured anybody on the farm?
No, not on our farm, no.
No.
But some people, it's...
Have you heard of rogue ponies?
Well, I heard about one who crushed someone's foot at a circus, but
that might have been part donkey.
I'm not sure.
Right.
So no purebred ponies, to your knowledge, have.
This made you angry, though, huh?
It didn't make me.
Okay, this isn't the one that moved my needle.
Troy sent me an article.
I'll read it next.
It made me so mad that I almost came down to do an emergency pod.
I want to hear that one then.
Yeah.
Well,
this is my question.
I mean, it seems both you guys agree that it's just it's like one person.
Like, nobody's saying that somebody with schizophrenia, like it's supposed to be haunted.
Well, did you say he's possessed?
Yeah.
So what the fuck?
They're saying, this guy is saying that Los Angeles Resident blah, blah, blah, penned an open letter about Knott to an L.A.
Times editor.
Knottsberry Farmer is horrifying because it demonizes people with mental illness.
Shame on Knott's Berry Farm and shame on L.A.
Times for presenting illness as entertainment.
I mean, on one hand, I mean, you really can't see two sides like you can't see that it it isn't fucking insensitive in a world we live in now where we're trying to make it that mental illness is not
so such a stigma in society that
you don't see that you could you know they eventually would get to this point.
Brit.
You don't think that you didn't see this coming?
No, because the mental
I mean, there are so many haunted asylums across the country.
This one isn't going to Knottsbury Farm is making money in so many other ways that I think to them it's like, it's worth the PR to say.
I thought it was Not Scary Farm.
Well, they call it Not Scary Farm.
Change it during
Halloween.
Oh, okay.
But these other places where the Halloween season is their bread and butter, these asylums or these haunted houses.
Or the prisons.
What's the one down in Philly?
Yeah, but I mean,
but you just have to.
But like
things evolve, though, and you have to change what the times are.
I mean, you could still have scary,
but just don't be an asylum, though.
Just be like aliens or,
you know.
Like Mexicans.
You know what I mean?
Like
otherworldly aliens or interdimensional things that cannot be
something so unrealistic.
You can't be a clown.
Come on, man.
Yeah.
Like, you can't dress as a clown anymore.
Clowns are getting beaten up.
I did, let me see.
Have you ever heard of this haunted house?
I did one in Pittsburgh two weeks ago.
It's apparently like a famous one across the country.
I'll tell you what.
They should let the people with mental illnesses take a vote.
Not some guy who's sucked.
Are they allowed to vote?
Sure.
I mean, an election, though.
There you go.
Like, can they vote for
just for a Halloween origin?
I mean, are they really, like, I mean, like, is somebody who's really, like, really, really out there, are they allowed to be like, I can cast my vote?
Like, knowing that they've, you know,
they don't have a toe in reality.
But there's so many times that
it's not the group itself that gets offended.
It's people who get offended on behalf of the group, and then they go to the news, and then this stuff gets banned or, you know, panned.
And sometimes, you know, the groups themselves will fight back and say, well, you know, we don't agree with you.
Like, I know there was a big thing about Speedy Gonzalez.
People came forward and said Speedy Gonzales presents a negative stereotype of
Latinos.
And then
Latino groups came forward and said, No, he's a fan of the fucking, he's like mega-popular in Mexico.
I know.
This is it.
All right, so this is it called the Scare House in Pittsburgh.
And it was
fucking awesome.
Scare house.
Any mentally ill people running around?
There are.
And then if you go into the basement, it's one of those ones where they could touch you and put hoods on you and slap you and shit like that.
Slap you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
How much was this for?
Burst your eardrum.
No, I got slapped.
slapped you got slapped yeah they put a hood on me and then loosing one of the fucking well means
hey easy come here you look nuts my god take that gown off trick or tweet
uh and it was pretty cool man but there was a there was um
mental patience in it i'm not i'm just saying but i do believe that over the course of the next 10 years we'll see a move away from the halloween
mental ill, illness
use of that mental ill, mentally ill as Halloween fodder.
As someone who's been classified as mentally ill officially, I say keep it going.
Well, they don't have a depression room, but I've also been diagnosed as bipolar, too.
So, come on, man.
I should get a vote.
Yeah, but this is the new American
dude with a lowest common denominator is what must be adhered to.
Remember that.
Just to stay on topic, but slightly switch it.
I'm wearing my new favorite shirt.
This is Brian Johnson's
mugshot from when he got arrested.
Does this trigger you?
Are you offended by this shirt in any way?
I'm not offended, but it does trigger me.
Back to a time
when I was innocently driving down the street with my tinted license plates, pulled over by the long arm of the law.
Made to sign autographs.
Yeah.
I take pictures.
Yeah, thrown in with common criminals.
Right.
Murderers, rapists.
Clowns.
There was a couple clowns in there.
They didn't know why they were in there.
They hadn't heard the news.
No.
No, it doesn't trigger you.
Does a haunted prison trigger?
No, it doesn't.
It has my full endorsement.
I love it.
Every time i wear this shirt it gets so much so many comments the reaction is uh always uh people do love it overwhelmingly popular so i'm asking you are we going to sell this shirt uh that's a number that's the that was the plan you know that was the question people keep asking me are you gonna sell the
picture of this
well i don't know when but we'll get it up there soon all right
so everybody can wear their
it's a it's a fucking dope shirt man it's great we just need some sort of logo on it though.
Oh, what do you mean?
Need something, you know, spice it up a little bit, like a logo or something on it.
Maybe a four-color demons
logo on the bar.
Just spice it up a little.
All right.
I love that I'm wearing the Telme Steve Dave shirt.
Yeah, it's a pretty great favorite part.
If I had to name a favorite part of my mug shot.
Could they colorize maybe the TST logo?
Yeah.
We could do anything with computers nowadays.
Yeah, all right.
Let's see what we can do.
All right.
Because I wore it on tour, and
I got that asked that question a lot.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
All right.
Available soon.
All right.
I wasn't sure if you were going to go for it.
I'm glad you are.
Of course.
Come on, man.
Who's more liberal than me?
Sweet.
All right.
So, Walt, you have some stuff prepared for us, a special Halloween game.
Now that we've got.
It's not really a game.
It's a storyline.
Ah, storyline.
This is impressive.
Like
a theme.
And the theme was Tell'em Steve Daves or TSD's TSD's Inferno.
TSD goes to hell.
And
you guys would visit the nine circles of hell, and in each circle, you have to complete a task to move on to the next circle.
And once you complete all nine, you come back from hell.
If you can't complete all nine, you're stuck in hell forever.
So, wait, we go to hell, or then we move on to heaven?
Because isn't that what happens in the poem?
Like, Virgil brings them through don't ruin it.
Okay.
You're putting apart before the horse.
Sorry.
As usual.
I know I'm getting stuck in hell.
So
now to get into hell, you're going to need a ferryman or a guide.
I'm going to be that guide.
Your Charon.
But not so much me, but
Baron von Flanagan for the guide.
So to begin, you've got to summon the Baron.
The Baron will appear,
and he'll lead you guys into hell.
All right, now to summon the Baron.
So we're dead.
No, no, no.
I'm going to take you into hell as the Baron after you summon him.
But
you've got to sell.
To summon the Baron, you have to sell your soul.
Okay.
To the Baron?
No.
That's the thing.
You don't sell your soul to the Baron.
Can you hand that to Q?
You read this.
Okay.
Sell a little bit of your soul.
Wow.
So open this and
read that and you and
sell your soul.
Okay.
And the Baron will appear.
These are.
Go ahead.
I just saw it.
This is a genius.
So sell my soul.
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My soul is not sold enough?
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Baron's getting bored.
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Casper is made in America.
There you go.
You summon the Baron
and the Baron appears.
All right.
You've got your top hat on.
Now your soul is Baron.
All right.
So you call the Baron.
The Baron arrived.
You both will have tasks performed in each circle that must be completed before moving on to the next circle.
In each circle, you will meet the demonic lord of each circle who will greet as well as torment you
while you're in their circle.
Okay.
But be warned: as you descend deeper into hell, the madness will increase until your micro-thin strands of sanity
just snap.
It's almost a guarantee by if some chance you do reach the ninth circle that the both of you, along with any listeners who choose to join us on this journey, will end up irreversibly
insane.
Wow.
I'm glad how two-thirds of our crew is almost illiterate he's saying T-E-S-T as the fucking code for Casper
you're over here stumbling and stammering we got a dyslexic over here you said dyslexic oh no it was Rob Bruce here
what did I stammer on go ahead Baron I don't question you
you just did all right do you both wish to continue yes
I'm ready come on man we're going to hell you're fucking you fucking stopped texting bro I'm not texting her fuck that that.
I'm putting up a picture of Q in the shirt.
No research.
No, no, it's no good.
Now, put that fucking picture up on merch table.
You're going to put a picture up of it.
Okay.
Okay, yes.
Fucking does no good.
He's selling his soul right now.
Yeah,
again, to nobody, though.
He's not even getting a dime for his soul.
Yeah, that's about what it's worth.
All right, come on.
All right.
I'm ready.
Do you both wish to continue?
Yes, yes.
Okay.
But before we begin, a final warning to the listeners.
Now is the time to turn this episode off if you wish to have any hope of remaining whole.
TSD cannot and will not be responsible for the implications that listening to this episode may or may not cause.
You have been warned.
See what I mean?
And the Baron is absolved.
Let us proceed into hell.
Okay, you ready?
Okay, we're here.
This is hell.
The first circle of hell.
We're approaching it.
Okay.
Do you hear the winds howl, Hugh?
If Declan did his job, we did.
The winds passing through an empty chasm.
Nothing of substance exists here.
Just a sad, vast, barren wasteland that stretches on and on and on.
The Lord of the First Circle approaches.
Bow to the Lord of Limbo, both of you.
Thanks for watching.
Like the limbo, like with the rod that people duck under?
No, the first circle of hell is called Limbo.
Fucking around.
Walt has the top hat on.
Amazing.
Okay,
guys.
Yes.
Bow to Limbo.
Hey, guys, welcome to hell.
It's me, me.
Okay, to get out of limbo, each of you are going to have to listen to clips of iconic horror movies correctly identified.
Easy, right?
One catch in limbo.
It's all about Ming.
So I'll be inserting myself into each clip.
Good luck, guys.
Okay, did you guys hear that?
What's your task, the first task, that the Lord of Limbo has put forth to you?
He's going to play clips.
Well, I'm going to play clips.
Is it tit-for-tat or we're going to save them?
You're a team.
We're a team.
Oh, all right.
You have to get these all right, or else you can't move on.
There is no getting it wrong.
Wait, we're a team going through hell, take out?
Yeah, dude, that's a dream for me.
I know.
I feel like that's the description of my life
ever since we met 10 years ago.
Just a team getting through hell.
Okay, you ready for the first clip?
All right.
You've got to correctly.
You can't get this wrong, or you can't get out of limbo.
The game's over.
And the game's over.
Really?
Yeah.
Sure.
Ready?
All right.
They've got you all safe
Unclean spirits.
Shove it up your ass, you fake.
Begun.
Fuck him, Karis.
Poly creature!
Let me get a hold of that crucifix, Padre.
Hey, look!
Now you see it?
Now you don't!
Holy spirit!
I mean,
I feel like we're gonna get out of limbo, buddy.
Well, there's all there's four clips.
That's just one of them.
Oh, at the same time, I don't remember a lot of that from the movie.
But contextually, you know what it is.
Yeah.
I thought that Ming was going to be doing the lines, not like he was inserting himself in the scene.
It's even better this way.
Yeah.
It's ten times better than I thought it was.
Where did he put that crucifix?
Mike.
So you guys either hear it again or you know it?
I know it.
You know it.
All right.
Before you say it, you want to confer?
I mean, it's Exorcist.
It's the Exorcist.
The Ferryman needs an answer.
The Baron wants to know which clip is it?
Yeah, we said the Exorcist.
Yes.
Okay.
Correct.
Clip number one is correct.
Excellent.
Clip number two.
I can't believe you set up an entire game that, like, if we couldn't get that, it would be over already.
Well, I mean, I set it up for you.
This is hell for dumbs.
Yeah.
Here's Johnny.
I'm not going to hurt you.
I'm just going to bash your brains in.
The watch is the last.
all right guys
i mean the shining yeah
shining the shining very iconic scene from the shining now you guys now those two movies
they belong in the horror hall of fame oh god yes yeah horror movie hall of fame they both get in there first ballots absolutely top 10 both within the top ten yeah okay well at the end of it i'd like to get your thoughts out like after all four clips you put them in in numerical order of importance or in you know
in terms of you know which is the greatest all-time horror movie.
Okay, all right, so you got that right, too.
You're off to a great start.
Ming.
She just keeps laughing.
All right.
Clip number three out of four.
It rubs a lotion on its skin.
It does this whenever it's told.
Mr.
My Family, okay, Cat.
I feel like this is all recorded in this house.
Is that Tevi?
It rubs a lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.
Yes, it will, precious.
It will get the hose.
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay,
okay.
Okay.
Mister, if you let me go, I won't, I won't press charges, I promise.
See, my mom is a real important woman.
I guess you already know that.
Now, it places the lotion in the basket.
Places the lotion in the basket.
I want to see my mom.
Please.
I want to see my
put the fucking lotion in the basket.
Oh, God, amazing.
I'll say this much.
I want to see Ming in every horror movie from now on.
You guys got a guess?
Sure, of course.
Pretty solid guess after literally the first line.
Yes, sir.
It's correct.
There's just something so different of Jane Gum saying, like, what the fuck are the past?
And Ming being like, what the fuck are they doing in the basket?
Isn't that more disturbing?
It sounds so weird.
And that laugh, that soulless laugh.
Yeah.
It's like the most empty laugh of all time.
He's already been through the nine circles on this way, right?
All right, last one, guys.
Uh-oh, come on, Kia.
We can't afford it.
This is the toughest one.
It is.
I've made this one the hardest one.
There's always got to be a curve wall.
Who are you?
Explorers in the further regions of experience.
Demons to some, angels to others.
It was a must day.
I didn't, I didn't make it out, but it was!
It was a mistake!
Resolved the box?
We came.
Now you must come with us.
Listen to our pleasures.
Hello,
everybody, and welcome to ISO Comics, a weekly comic for Mark and Ring,
broadcasting from the home of the comic profession.
Oh, no tears, please.
What is the good suffering.
Jesus Christ.
All right.
Yeah, I think we can agree, too.
Yep.
All right, let's see what Ming has to say.
Congrats, guys.
You're moving on to Circle 2.
Gotta say, I'm a little disappointed.
I thought you'd be joining me here in Limbo a bit longer.
Boy, did I have plans as well as an infinite number of hats I was going to have you model, Brian?
Yeah, you sure look good in a hat, Brian.
See you guys later.
That's a nice callback.
All right.
Wow.
We're out of limbo.
All right.
So
those four movies are, where do you place them?
In terms of personal?
Well, all-time.
All-time horror list.
I think people would go
Silence of the Lambs, Shining, Hellraiser.
I think normally that's the order people would put them in.
Silence of the Lambs, Hellraiser.
You don't think more people are aware of Silence of the Lambs with all the sequels and
Hennibal and all that shit?
I just think in terms of like scary.
You went Exorcist first, then Shining?
I think so.
I agree.
Yeah.
Because Exorcist scared the fuck out of me when I was a kid.
Shining.
It still does.
It still hasn't.
It makes you watch it and you're like, Something about it just feels
really evil.
Even like the non-demonic shit, like when they're having having the party and she's like, you're going to die up there and just pisses all over the floor.
I don't think it could ever be matched.
Yeah.
I just think now we're just so.
I guess maybe because our age, too, but there's nothing that's going to be a little bit more.
It's largely touched.
Yeah.
But I mean, for when it came out, it had to have been like.
Mind-blowing.
Yeah.
It's the modern-day equivalent of clowns now.
All right.
Let me get back.
So we are on to circle two.
Oh, the sounds of desire and fornication cannot drown out the cries of agony and despair as we approach circle number two.
And there could be only one being to rule in this ring of filth and degradation.
Bend your knees for the prince of lust.
Howdy, welcome to Get Em Steve Dave's Ring of Lust.
That's right, I am the personification of lust.
I am a man dying of thirst who just craves salt.
I am to other passions what the nervous fluid is to life.
I support them all.
I lend strength to them all.
Ambition, cruelty, avarice, and revenge all are founded on me.
Whether it's carnal material or a shiny new Zippo, it's all the same.
Okay, guys, you're gonna play a family feud type game where you have three strikes to guess the top five answers to name something people lust after.
But in hell, there's all
the the telecom lessons from Maxwell.
Wait a minute.
Why is that cut out?
A southern gentleman, right?
But in hell, there's always a twist.
So here's where we ratchet up the madness.
All the while, while you are trying to think of the answers, an audio clip of me lustfully masturbating will play on a loop in the background in an effort to distract.
The Baron warned you all it was going to get crazy up in here.
That's where the madness comes in.
Why is he like a southern gentleman?
He's like a foghorn.
It's like
Watson.
I have no idea.
That was not direction on my part, right?
Why did you sky draw?
I just did it.
All right, hey, man.
All right.
So do you get the idea what's going on here, Q?
So, yeah, we're going to play
while he jerks off in an all-white suit.
It's an audio clip.
He's not going to do it in front of you.
He wasn't supposed to be here right now.
All right, got it.
But now he is here, so is he going to jerk off?
No, no, no.
It's just an audio clip to try to distract you so you can't
because he, because the top five things people lust after, it's kind of easy to think of, but not while you're trying to block this out of your brain.
So let me know when you're ready to start.
All right, I guess we're ready, right?
Okay, who's going to go first?
You take it, right?
All right.
All right, Brian, go.
How are you going?
All right, let me hit the internet.
Just give me an answer.
First five things that people
lust lust after.
You have dial-up connection.
That's a good touch.
They lust after money.
They lust after money.
Whose decision was it to give him dial-up power?
Oh, that's fucking
yes, people lust after wealth.
Okay, Q, you're up.
I mean, sex.
All right.
Sex, it's up there.
Bing, bing.
Medium, let's wake up.
Now we just got to get one more.
No, you got five things.
We got to get all five, right?
We got to get all five.
No strikes.
Without any strikes.
Okay.
Power.
That's fine.
Power.
It's up there.
What do we got?
Oh, my God.
That's disgusting.
We got sex, money, power.
Sex, money, power.
Oh, yeah.
Jesus Christ.
I already know it's not him because there's a girl's voice in there.
Wait a minute.
What are you doing?
Or are we watching?
And I want to go back to my notes.
We got sex, money, power.
Sex, money, power.
Young Lynn Pussy, baby.
Yeah.
It's working.
It's working on me.
Strike one.
It was too long.
Uh-oh, you got a strike.
Brie, it's up to you.
I'm getting ready for work.
Sex, money, power.
All right, bye.
And.
All right, now where was I?
Uh-oh, we got only one strike left.
Sex, money, power, fame!
Fame, it's up there!
Shit, we're fine.
Oh, it's all on you, pal.
She's too into it.
Sex, money, power, fame.
Um.
Come on.
Damn it.
Hello?
Yeah, well, respect!
I heard you the first time.
I heard you the first time say respect.
I guess I'll go with respect.
It's up there.
Dude, people rush after respect?
Is that a common?
Defecto's first when I get to work.
Yeah.
I wasn't aware.
I haven't been doing it for 48 years.
That was all of them, right?
Yeah, everything's fine.
Everything's fine.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
I'll talk to you later.
Bye.
Well, you can't be off if you're going to be.
Shit.
All right.
You got it all.
You made it through.
How long did you record exactly?
All right, let's see what happens now.
Schoolgirl.
Well done.
You're free to move on.
But can anyone honestly say that we'll be able to ever move on after this?
See you guys soon.
Sooner than you think.
Oh, damn.
Disgusting.
All right.
Oh, get him.
So now we will.
That's a new low.
I can't believe we're breezing through these rings so easily.
Not in a million years, but I would guess respect.
Actually, it was sex, wealth, fame, power, and respect.
Wow.
Those were the top five things people lusted after.
Have you guys ever lusted after any of that stuff?
I haven't given up long ago.
I never got any of them.
Q, have you ever lusted after all those?
Not fame, definitely money.
Definitely sex.
Yes.
What was the rest?
Power?
Power?
Power over my own destiny, not power over other people.
Respect?
Yeah, not really.
I don't really care what other people think.
I would ask you, but you just masturbated all your leaky drugs.
We know respect's not something you're chasing after.
Or any of the other four.
All right, so you guys are able to move on.
Moving on to circle three, which is gluttony.
My specialty.
Now, when you think of the word gluttony, what's that one phrase?
Glutton for what?
Punishment.
Punishment.
Right?
So that's why in Circle 3, Gluttony, I thought it was the perfect time to bring in the only ringleader or circle master to the table.
He's the only one that does not have an audio clip.
So back to back, we're going with Giddem.
Oh, no.
We get through the fucking, we get through the second circle, and he's the third as well.
I told you it was crazy and bad.
And hell is, you don't want to be here, listeners.
I mean,
listen to this as a warning.
You don't want to be in hell.
It's a bad place, right?
Right, Giddem?
Yes.
All right, so now it's.
In keeping with the theme of glutton for punishment,
we are going to play the all-new, all-different, all-improved.
No, no, no.
Dyslexia.
No!
God damn it, no!
Oh, God.
God damn it.
It's a Halloween edition of a dyslexia.
I'd rather listen to him jerk off.
Would you really want to?
Oh, God, not dyslexia.
So
you will have.
He has assured me that it's been refined and fine-tuned.
And it's Halloween-themed.
It's Halloween-themed, and you also have
cards to play with.
Get out of hell cards.
Look at this dyslexia.
Get out of hell cards.
So if you don't get the answer right, you can play one of your dyslexia.
Get out of hell cards.
Okay.
All right.
So if you need to get out of it, I'll hand the card to Giddam, and he'll read what you guys have to do.
Okay.
All right.
So Giddam,
Giddam will be reading you as a team, and you guys have to guess.
And we're going backwards now.
That's where I made the biggest mistake last time: everything has to be backwards, including the gameplay.
Okay.
So
the first thing you hear is going to be the word associated.
Okay.
The last thing you'll hear is him speaking it backwards.
Okay.
Okay.
I guess.
No, no, that's the last thing.
So you can play the card in between that.
Got it.
Okay.
You got four cards to play.
So we're going to get the opposite thing first and then the word.
Yeah.
That's it.
I thought that's how it went last time.
Nope.
We went with the phonetic pronunciation.
Tell Suzanne, you'll be home soon.
Jesus Christ, dude.
This is a picture of the Baron now.
Start right now.
You start with clue number one.
Clue number one: lowering bald.
Wait.
Lowering bald?
Lowering bald.
So this is.
Halloween feet.
Halloween-centric.
Okay.
So high hair?
Wrong.
Wait.
Wait a second.
He threw it out.
You guys should confirm before he said it.
I was confirming.
No, you looked right at Giddam.
So was.
You looked right at him.
Now you're going to have to play a card now.
But I didn't, but we didn't lock in an answer or anything like that.
I know.
He's so buzzer happy, right?
Like, he just wants to fucking shut us down.
So you got to play a card.
Next time in the next round, do not just fucking blurt it out.
But
I was working it out.
You spoke directly to Giddam.
I saw you.
So what?
So you should have been like, you shouldn't have.
Since when the fuck have you put Giddam in charge as the be-all, end-all word on fucking anything?
All right.
Suddenly, get him to the boss.
Only here.
So, are you going to tell us the answer to it?
No, you can play it.
You have to get this right to move on, so you have to play one of your cards.
Okay.
Tell them what the card is.
So it was.
It was way more.
Hold on.
This is going to help us.
It was
lowering bald was the last one.
Lowering bald was the clue.
Okay.
Okay.
Now you're going to now you have to play.
So raising hair is not it?
No.
Okay, what's the
hair raising?
It's too bad that you wasted it.
You got it right.
Yeah, because you would have to reverse it.
It was hair raising.
Yeah, just because I was looking at.
You know what?
Even in hell.
Are the demons taking heart?
Even in hell, we have a heart.
I'll let that one go.
All right, thank you.
Thank you.
Okay, we're going to give you that one.
Correct.
Okay, thank you.
Okay.
All right.
Now calm down, Keith.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It's full of nervous energy.
It's the heat, right?
All the flickering flames around us.
It's that.
It's a lot going on.
Injuries
that get them left behind from the last round.
All right, Harry.
Go to number two.
All right.
Atheist, destroy.
Looking at Brian.
Atheist destroy.
Okay, so the opposite of destroy is create.
Or build.
The opposite of atheist believer.
So it would be 10 seconds.
Come on.
Come on, man.
People are listening to this.
They don't want to listen to you stumble.
But they're trying to work it out, too.
Yeah.
They're not.
Atheist Bald?
No, no, not Bald.
That was the last one.
He's dizzy.
No, it's belie.
It's what was it?
Say it again, get him.
Atheist destroy.
All right.
Come on, I got it.
Bust it, man.
Atheist destroy.
So create.
All right.
Play the card.
Your card is call a dyslexic.
Actually, I've got a dyslexic person on the line.
I don't understand
this.
Yeah,
this is the first part.
When do I listen to him say it backwards?
That's the last thing.
If he can't get it now, then he does it.
Everything's in reverse.
I got you.
Who's the dyslexic?
He's a guy I sent out.
This is good for us because he
won't rate it.
He's a stamp of approval.
You definitely won't rate it.
It's a listener.
And we found out like
hey, is this Tucker?
This is Tucker.
Hey, Tucker.
Tell him Steve Dave.
How are you guys doing tonight?
Good.
Very confused, Tucker.
Yeah, we need your help.
Now, you.
I need you.
A dyslexic stranger's help
so we don't get buzzed again.
Now, Tucker was the first person when I put out the.
Remember, I asked for people who had dyslexia to listen to
write into me so I could develop the game.
He's helped me develop the game.
He's come up with
this challenge, this new wrinkle in the game to call a dyslexic to help you with the clues.
So, Tucker is a lesser demon that's going to give us a hit.
And he also gives us the ability to call the game dyslexia.
Okay, gotcha.
We have him a plus two.
Is he masturbating right now?
He has no reference to that.
He was a part of the ring, too.
So, Tucker, you're going to hear, Giddam is going to give you the two-word clue.
He's like, like, no, no, he's right.
And you're going to have to tell us what the clue is, okay?
What the answer is to the two-word clue, okay?
You should see the setup alt has going on.
A phone going through a little Bluetooth speaker.
Can you hear Gim?
Get him speak.
Six years.
Six years are going to do this.
Can you hear that?
Okay, so you're ready, Tucker?
I am ready.
Okay, the clue is atheist destroy.
Atheist destroy.
How much time do I have?
We'll give you a little bit of time.
Who the fuck was it?
If you're dyslexic.
You've got a half hour.
Is atheist destroyed?
Yeah.
What's the opposite of destroy?
Make.
Yeah.
Yes.
What's the opposite of atheist?
It's make-believe.
Make it!
It's make-believe.
Oh, my God.
Holy shit.
AQ?
Where's fucking Simmy?
Where's Simmy right now?
Where is he?
You've got to play this one.
He's home with his family.
He's somewhere not turning a TV on.
Should we be worried that Stacey got it too?
She got it too.
Do you have dyslexia?
No?
Okay.
Tucker, thank you.
We have to continue.
We are in hell right now.
More ways than one.
We'll probably be calling you back.
Yeah, you're somewhere in heaven and hell.
Yeah, you're in Belford, right?
You know that talking into a Bluetooth speaker doesn't help.
It does.
It's the microphone on top.
Oh, does it?
All right, man.
Stay close to your phone because these guys may need your help again.
I want to definitely call you back one more time because that was fucking amazing.
All right, so staying on your phone, all right?
I'll be here.
All right, I got to disconnect right now, though.
Don't go to work.
All right, bye, Tom.
Ignore your children.
Thank you.
That is pretty good because with destroy, all I could think of was create.
Then I got stuck on create and then trying to think of the opposite of atheist.
All right.
Next clue.
Thank you, Tom.
Remember, guys, these are Halloween-centric words.
So that gives you a leg up.
You already know that it has to be associated with Halloween.
You're right, you're right.
We got this next one.
We got it next one.
And I'll say that, yeah, like, like,
your opposites are very good this time.
It's not like horse and car.
Yeah.
Like, like, that was a good one.
I feel like I should have gotten it.
I see the look on your face still saying, yes, horse and car are opposites.
But when the fuck,
exactly what I hoped would happen.
That's a real game show, man.
You call a real person that has
the gift?
I'll play this for Simmy.
How many times do you think Tucker is referred to as dyslexia with a gift?
In this instance, it's.
If Simmy still has a job after almost getting me killed on Monday,
we can run this by him again.
All right.
Okay, next one.
You both ready?
Yes.
How many do we have to get right?
We've got all of them.
How many are there?
There's a lot.
Really?
You're in hell.
Don't even laugh.
Oh, my God.
It hurts.
Too many.
Oh, my God.
You ready?
You ready?
Yeah.
Okay.
Alive, good.
Alive, good.
Well, the opposite of alive is dead, and the opposite of good is bad, or evil dead.
Would we say evil dead is the answer, Brian?
Let's go.
Let's go.
Evil Dead.
Correct.
Yes.
All right.
Excellent.
Nice.
Three for three.
Speaking of which,
I got stars based just on your recommendation.
How awesome is it?
I can't believe how much I love it.
Ash vs.
Evil Dead is fucking awesome.
It's amazing.
It's really good.
Yeah, you got it just for that, huh?
Yeah.
It's worth it.
Well, I figured, like, it's three seasons in.
If I get two for a month, it's like nine bucks, so I can watch the whole thing.
And then
I definitely want.
I have stars, too.
I just haven't watched it yet, but I've heard nothing.
Dude, it's amazing.
And I loved Pablo right away.
Yeah.
Pablo's great.
The whole cast is great.
Bruce Campbell's just a great.
You were always a big fan of the franchise?
Yeah, yeah.
Bruce Campbell's,
I think he's one of
two celebrities I've met in my entire life that I couldn't even talk to, that I was just too nervous to be around.
He's one of two.
Who's the other one?
Bill Murray.
Oh, they're going to say Roddy Piper.
And no, Roddy Piper was able to talk to him.
But at Comic-Con three weeks ago, I was in the same green room as Bruce Campbell, and I couldn't even fucking look at him without getting butterflies in my stomach.
Wow, that's good.
Guys,
it's nice to see that that can still happen.
He's the best.
Still a little ground.
He's the fucking best, man.
He's just
so good in it.
Yeah.
All right, Campbell.
Ready for the next one?
Sure.
Yeah, yeah, we're on a roll.
You're on a roll.
You haven't got any wrong yet.
You did need some help.
Right.
And I did have to give you a break on one.
That's how we appreciate that.
Because you're petulant.
But that's all right.
Okay, ready?
Yes.
Dog, white.
Black cat.
Oh, yo, yeah.
But again, though, so petulant, though.
I was looking at Brian when I said it.
But imagine if you got it wrong, you'd be stuck in hell.
But I pointed at Brian.
I said, Black Cat.
That wasn't Ghetto.
Now I have to modulate how I say it.
I purposely.
I'm looking at Brian.
so loud, though, that it feels like, even to the getem and the listener, that you're like giving an answer.
You got to say it almost as a question before you don't say it so matter
positive.
Yeah, that might question yourself.
All right, next one, get him.
Mammal, angel.
Mammal, angel.
Don't shout anything out there, I don't know.
The opposite of angel is a demon
or devil.
Right?
So, and the opposite of mammal is.
Well, mammals are on land.
There's a lot of ways we can go here.
Yeah.
So water?
Is it a lot of an amphibian?
Devil?
Water devil is not our animal?
No, no, no.
That's why I'm saying that.
It wasn't even near.
You both are looking very
confused.
So I know right away that you guys are not giving me an answer
by the utter look of confusion on your eyes.
What are the words you're going to get them?
Mammal angel.
You guys are going to have to play a card, it sounds like, which is all right.
You got these cards.
So don't worry, you know, don't don't take it too hard if you don't get it.
Mammal?
Well, what's the opposite of an angel, Brian?
Demon, right?
I would say demon.
And
the opposite of a mammal
would be an amphibian.
Okay, guys, 10 seconds.
Reptile.
I'm going to need it
for the next clue.
All right, guys.
Of a mammal.
All right, guys.
I'm sorry.
No more answers, no more thinking.
Okay.
So the next card you guys are going to play, your dyslexia card.
Is there any game that makes you feel stupider than this game?
I mean, I got the last two, bro.
We don't even want to dyslexia.
We're going to get stuck here anyway.
This is where another new wrinkle queue.
Yeah.
We combine two fan-favorite games into one.
Dyslexia, and that's Get Emtainment.
You'll now hear a clip, a backwards clip of a song performed by Get Em Steve Dave.
That's Halloween-centric.
Okay, got it.
Wait, this somehow leads to the answer?
No, you get to see.
You're using this in lieu of the answer.
You're throwing that out.
I'll tell you what it was right now.
Okay.
Tell them what it was, get them.
Devil fish.
I was going to say devil fish, and I'm like, but that doesn't mean anything.
But the opposite of a mammal isn't a fish.
Yeah, you had it right.
It's in the water.
And it breathes in the water, and a mammal doesn't breathe in the water.
A mammal has to come up to the surface.
You're close to an amphibian.
But you've also got to think, though, like, what is a Halloween-centric word?
I'm so afraid to say devilfish, though, because I'm like, that doesn't really make any sense.
It wouldn't be be devilfish.
Is there such crazy?
Guys, you got to move on.
It's over, it's done.
You didn't get it right, but you still had a chance to get this right.
Let's focus on this.
Let's get him to Emmy Card.
Okay.
All right.
So, is it going to be a backward song?
Is the song Halloween or something?
Halloween-centric.
I'm putting it on a T, and just like I just fucking run up and kick it cue.
Alright.
Monster Mash?
I said, looking at Brian with a question in my voice.
Good.
Good.
That's what I thought, but
I'm so fucking gunshy now.
Yeah, I mean, I'll go to Monster Mash with you.
You're going to go with Monster Mash is the answer?
Monster Mash.
Correct answer.
Thank you.
All right.
Get him.
Gone to the next one.
Wow.
Oh, no.
Well, it certainly feels like hell.
It's like, yeah, like, you feel like you're going to sleep so hard tonight, right?
Okay.
Like, I should have taken the fucking painkiller.
Do we have those?
Oh, my God.
Like, I'm in agony.
All right, ready for the next one?
Maybe it's just a half one.
All right, hold on one second.
This is about.
You're about to take a paintkiller in hell.
Yeah, hold on.
What What milligram did they give you?
Just like
vicariously.
Yeah, you tell me.
It's truly like Pavlov's dog.
All right.
I'm going to take a look at these.
All right.
Oxycodone.
Ah, fives, you pussy.
Fives?
Yeah.
Oh, this is nothing?
I used to take the equivalent of 75 of them a day.
Holy fuck.
All right.
Here we go.
All right.
Thank you.
Thank you, Nurse Patella.
Certainly, you chew them up before you.
Those are your smart pills, right?
Well, I said there's so pussy.
He's my friend.
I can't be looking like a pussy.
You're looking like a pussy, brother.
Damn, just smart pills.
Now, now you're on.
Now you're going to be working on all filmies.
We can't get it, but we were a straight.
Do you have me to give you an Adderall to balance you up?
All right, I'm straightening it.
All right, you're ready?
Remember, Halloween-centric.
I know, I'm sorry.
This is hard to think because my fucking tailbone is bounding.
All right.
Here we go.
Work adults.
Work adults.
Thank you.
Oh!
Yes, child's play.
Child's play.
Correct dancer.
Nice.
Ready for the next one?
Yes.
Roll right into it.
Okay.
This is hell.
Peace unlock.
Peace unlock.
Well, Brian, the opposite of peace is war.
Warlock.
Warlock.
The Julian Sands movie Warlock?
Can I look again and say it?
I would.
Warlock.
Yes.
Yes.
Oh.
All right.
That's an unfair advantage that he took those pills, and now he's all of a sudden.
We should tell him Steve Davis going to have fucking drug tests.
All right, this next one's three words, but the middle word doesn't really matter.
So it's vegetable nor John.
Wait, the middle word doesn't matter?
It matters.
It matters.
Why do you say it doesn't matter?
You're throwing them off.
Everything's the opposite, including the middle word.
What's the opposite of John?
Because you've got got meat and
vegetables, the opposite of vegetables and meat, right?
Yeah, John?
The opposite of John?
I have a feeling this is one of those horse car situations.
Halloween themed.
But John, the name?
John, the euphemism for a bathroom?
John, a prostitute?
Vegetable nor John.
Well, something or prostitute.
Something and prostitute?
What's the opposite of Nor?
And, right?
That's what I like.
I think so, yeah.
So, something and
meat and prostitute?
Assuming that vegetable is the opposite of meat.
Oh, God.
All right, guys.
You're going to have to
a new card will come out.
Well, what was the answer to that?
Oh, wait, tell me the answer.
Trick or treat.
Trick, John's, and tricks.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Wait, but vegetable?
It is the opposite of a treat.
Nobody wants to eat.
No kid kid wants to use it.
Vegetable.
Fucking shit.
Wait, also.
Hold on a second.
Ajohn is a trick, not the opposite of a trick.
We're moving on.
It's over.
You've missed.
You got to return.
It's ask a creator.
But trick is not the opposite of a john.
I feel like we should have gotten that one.
It doesn't matter.
Because or is not the opposite of noor.
You got, come on, man.
What's the quality control in hell?
We're only at circle three.
We got fucking nine to get through.
You can't stay on this too long.
You ready?
So now it's the creator's play now.
I feel like we should be given that one.
And maybe the creator's play is for the next one.
No.
Why?
Because it didn't make sense.
It was wrong.
Or isn't the opposite of Noor?
Yes, it is.
I looked it up.
Yes, it is.
I looked up.
I actually looked up what is the opposite of Noor.
I looked it up and said or.
Okay.
I'll believe you.
This or that, this nor that.
Right, but process
is a
process.
The John is a trick.
Yeah.
You know, she turns tricks.
Yeah,
he's right.
No, he's never.
Yes, I am.
He's the opposite of a John.
All right, fine.
Come on, ready?
The creators will play it.
Yeah, the opposite of the John would be Hooker or Preston.
Yeah, of course, but don't worry about it, Brian.
Let's not get upset.
Let's not get upset.
Come on.
We're already in it.
Let's get out of here.
We're only in the fucking third circle.
We've got to get him out of here.
All right.
So since we've developed the game, we're the creators.
Yes.
We should have a major, major leg up on getting this right.
Oh, definitely.
And we should get it right that you're going to get it.
I feel like I've lost my mind.
The two of you are staring at each other, pretending like this isn't set up already.
And the hat doesn't.
Dad is wearing a fucking top hat.
Giddam didn't bother putting his teeth in tonight.
Like, everything just
feels surreal.
There's a mile-high stack of Reese's wrappers that Giddam has devoured.
I needed some sugar.
I can't even see him over the Reese's wrappers.
We talk all about that in Seth.
God.
We're the creators, right?
We can agree on that much.
Fucking
72 hours ago, a fucking ATV ran over me.
You were legally dead for five minutes.
And he'd much rather be back there.
Maybe you are dead.
Maybe you fucking died 72 hours ago, and you're in hell right now.
You've got to make it through.
I'm trying to bring you back.
The Baron's trying to bring you back right now.
It's totally believable because, like, thinking that I may have committed suicide three days ago.
Infinitely plausible.
You both are dead.
You just couldn't accept it.
This whole thing is an exercise of you accepting you're dead and in hell.
Accepting the inevitable.
All right, so this card cue, when you talk to Simmy, is that we as the creators will come out
onto the stage.
We'll introduce us as like we're the geniuses behind the whole game.
We are in so in tune with each other that we can do this.
Okay.
And we will come in and we will
spell the person to move on to the next round.
You ready?
Get him?
Yes, I'm ready.
Nonsense quiz show.
How does that game show been so fucked up and crooked?
How does this even make sense?
What?
How does it not make sense?
How are you going to get it wrong?
He doesn't know what the clue is.
Okay, okay.
He doesn't know, but I'm like, well, you're in
challenging the Baron's integrity?
If you were chief?
Never.
Are you kidding me?
No, I'm not.
I mean, I'm not, obviously, I had to give him an easy one, though, because you need to get it wrong.
I want him to get it right.
Okay.
We're ruining for you.
Spoon.
Spoon.
Spoon.
Bat.
Bat.
Spoon.
Opposite of spoon.
It's fork.
Yeah, and it's a Halloween-themed word.
Even I got this one already.
I mean, what the fuck?
Well, it has to be easy.
It has to be.
He has to get it right.
I can't believe he hasn't gotten it yet.
Opposite of bat.
Opposite of bat.
He's the bat to hit the ball.
So.
If you're the batter.
The opposite opposite would be the pitchfork.
Yeah!
That one we don't get.
That counts towards you.
We're giving Jackson the opposite of.
But you were, but you guys still are not.
I don't think you guys are really concentrating on that.
We got to stare into each other's eyes a little bit more.
It does help.
He sounded like a fucking banther.
He was like, woo!
Come on, that's exciting.
Maybe imagine on TV.
Yeah, you two coming out.
They're like, and now the faces of dyslexia, ladies and gentlemen,
wanting this outfit with a top hat.
Get them looking like they just fished him out of a homeless mission.
We pulled this gentleman out of the soup line.
That's how geniuses look, though.
They don't fucking, you see Albert Einstein?
He looked like a fucking GQ model.
Yeah, I also see Bill Gates.
Oh, you don't fuck with crazy hair.
You don't look fuckable either.
I'm not.
His bank account looks very fuckable.
Yeah, but at that bank account, he's fucking get him.
Come on.
All right.
All right.
All right.
Yeah, he's me.
All right.
Okay, ready?
Yeah.
Stranger siphon.
Stranger siphon.
It was a hard one.
Opposite of a stranger is a friend.
What's this?
It's the fucking opposite of a siphon.
A pump?
A pump friend?
That's what Mike calls me.
Pump friends with beneficial.
Come on, you fuckers.
You got it.
It's right there.
You got it.
Oh, pumpkin?
Opposite of a stranger is what?
Is kin.
Pumpkin.
Yeah.
I mean, I think that's correct.
All right.
How scared are you to make eye contact with either of them?
Thank God you have beautiful blue eyes, bro, because I'm just lost in them.
All right.
There is only
one more left.
Siphon.
Giddam came up with that one, didn't he?
Siphon.
Yeah.
Ready?
Good.
Overdose, false.
Overdose, fault.
Okay, so we can assume the one is empty.
Mm-hmm.
First word, empty, Brian.
What's the opposite of overdose?
He overdosed.
He underdosed?
No.
We're on a time limit here, boys.
Okay, now you're talking about the time.
But if you just give us 10 more seconds,
you aren't going to get it in 10 seconds.
Now, in the last round here.
Well, what's the word?
Tell me what the word was.
Halloween.
The opposite of full is not hollow.
Yes.
It's
hollow.
Yeah.
Wait, so what's the opposite of overdose?
Wean.
You wean.
You wean somebody off somebody.
Which is W-E-A-N.
Yeah, but it's still phonetically, it's still right.
I don't know if that's the opposite of overdose.
You wean someone off someone slow.
100%.
Or if you give them too much, you OD.
As someone who is overdosed.
And as someone who has weaned, I never saw them as the opposite.
Yeah.
All right.
I mean, I would say cold turkey versus weaned.
That was the last one.
So you have to get this one right.
Now you can choose
since all the new wrinkles have been put out there.
Call dyslexic, listen to that's going to tame it song backwards, or have the creators play.
It's your choice to get the final one right.
Which would you rather?
What do you like?
What do you like out of those choices?
There's not that many Halloween songs.
No.
But the creators, I mean,
I do have a lot of confidence in them.
All right, we want to throw to the creators.
Ask the creators.
Ask the creators.
Now, this is a lot of pressure.
This is the last one.
Where are we still?
We're in the third one though.
After that, it's quick.
This is definitely the longest and most brutal ring of hell.
That's why it's Glutton, Glutton for Punishment.
I knew this one would be the one that you guys would have the most problems with.
Fun with.
Well, fun or, you know, all right, you ready?
Get him, I am.
Yes, I am.
All right.
Hollow.
I still don't get John in the middle.
By the way, see, it's not Halloween, it's Halloween.
Phonetics.
Yes.
All right.
If you mispronounce it,
you mispronounce both words.
If you guess something that's not the opposite of what it is, and then also mispronounce it, you'll come on.
You're on the right track.
You laugh.
He's getting annoyed.
He doesn't like to.
Yeah, because you fuckers laugh, and I've given you fucking, like I said, man, I fucking set it up on a tee, and you guys are still not fucking thinking hard.
They get it right, they're high five, and they get it wrong.
Oh, and it's that now it's a problem.
But we tell them, kid right out the bat, it's Halloween-centric.
There's only so many Halloween-centric words, and they still fucking can't fucking get it through their fucking trick skulls.
If it's not, whatever they're thinking about has to be Halloween.
I know one who's on his side is getting him.
He still doesn't think he's wrong.
Somebody tell me everything's upright.
Tomorrow at work, he'll be like, you didn't believe those guys last night.
Idiots.
But you have to admit, you guys still are reluctant to put it through a prism of Halloween words.
No, I'm trying,
you know.
Okay,
what's the most popular in Halloween?
But Halloween.
Trick-or-treat.
How could you guys not have gone through the database of trick-or-treat?
I'll give you you that, but the opposite of
full institution.
Well, hallow's a word.
But Halloween is the.
If Halloween's not the most important word in Halloween, what is?
Holy shit.
Right, but you're not saying hallow, you're saying hollow.
So in your head, though, a process of elimination, but it hasn't asked to be for Halloween yet.
But I'm looking for the opposite of full, which isn't hallow.
And you're like, oh, full, empty.
What's another word?
Empty, hollow, hollow, Halloween.
I'm just looking for the opposite of overdose, not being wean.
What's the opposite of of wean?
It would be cold turkey.
It's two words.
Can't use it.
Yeah.
Well, then you can't use it.
These are air rolls, not mine.
I mean, I can fucking tell you a sentence.
Do you need a sentence?
You need a sentence for two words?
But it's also the wrong word of wean.
It's not even the right word.
Yes, it is.
What is the option?
If you wean someone off something, you do it slow.
But I'll wean it.
If you give them too much, you've been giving them an overdose.
So it's
no, they're right.
You're right.
You're right.
I'm glad glad we went to the creators for this next one.
Because I've never seen people so cockshore
about anything.
Let's see where the nerves get on.
Yeah, you could blow it, guys.
You could leave us in the gluttony.
Bro, this is a terrible ring to be in.
I'd rather be there with Giddam jerking on.
All right, get him.
Come on, we gotta move this along.
All right, you ready?
Yep.
Two words, Halloween-centric.
Two words.
Look at me.
Look me in the eyes when I fuck you.
It's like, I don't like to see the face.
Artificial.
Artificial.
Weak.
Weak.
Artificial.
Weak.
What's the opposite of artificial?
Artificial would be natural.
And weak.
You got the first one.
And that is not bullshit.
He just got the first one.
Artificial is natural.
What's the weak?
If you're not weak, you're strong, you're powerful.
You're
you could be strong, but it's not strong.
You're like Superman.
You're
supernatural.
Your guys are moving on.
Ah,
nice.
You know what?
I'll take it.
Thank you.
Thank you, Giddam.
Wow.
But it was also a Halloween word.
I don't know why it took you so long.
I was nervous.
Cynicism begins.
I was nervous.
I mean, it is fucking one of the only words left.
Two words left at Matt's Halloween.
I was a little nervous.
These guys' lives are souls are in my hand.
All right.
So we leave.
We're out.
Let's hurry up and get on to the next one.
We're going to listen to these clips real quick.
Oh, shit.
The next one's fucking
fucking long, too.
I didn't think it would take so long.
Really?
Yeah, I didn't think it would take long.
I didn't think it would take that long to get through fucking three.
All right.
We thought you had the idea by now.
All right.
Welcome, guys.
It's me, Mike.
Welcome to the fourth circle.
Greed.
Greed.
So vile of man's vices.
I often think of that insightful quote.
There is no fire like passion.
There is no shark like hatred.
There is no snare like folly.
There is no torrent like greed.
Okay, let's get on to your task, gentlemen.
The task that allows you to move on to the next circle.
It's really very simple.
Both of you, Brian and Brian, must reveal a moment where you both were at your greediest.
All right, come on.
Yeah, you heard, Mike, as the Lord of greed, you guys got to reveal when you're at your most greediest to get out of this circle.
Quick and easy.
No games to play.
Just got to reveal something you never told anybody.
Mine is
because it was never really worth telling.
By nature, I don't think I'm a very greedy person.
And I tried to think of some greedy moments, but there was
when I was down in Florida one time, there's a restaurant in downtown Disney.
It's like the seafood restaurant.
And
this is years ago.
And I went there to eat.
And I ordered way more than I should have, but it was so expensive, I was like, I'm not just going to fucking toss this shit.
So I ate it and ate it and ate it until I was like, I can't eat anymore.
and still ate more.
By the time I got out of the restaurant in downtown Disney, I threw up into a garbage can.
Now, I know that is more like gluttony
than greed, but I'm really not greedy.
I can't think, unless you could think of something where I was greedy, but
not normal.
I don't feel like I'm that good.
No, I mean, I mean,
that's pretty sad.
You've revealed something that's sad.
I think that's a nice, that's tall enough in hell.
Like, you revealed on air that you were so
cheap and hungry.
I wasn't even hungry.
I was bare to see food go that you paid for go into garbage.
Right.
If it was somebody else's food, I'd be like, whatever.
But I'm like, I paid money for this, a fair amount of money.
And it tastes, it was really good, too.
That was the other thing.
But then, like, as it went on, it didn't taste as good, but I still kept on going.
So, probably, I mean, most likely when you get to hell,
that's probably some of the things you'll be partaking in is like having to stuff stuff down your throat, then throw it up.
Right.
Most likely.
Like shrimp and crabs.
I was talking more like, you know, demon balls.
Why?
That was another menu.
Why can't I just eat the same thing I was eating in real life?
Because that's not hell.
All right, Q, half the toll has been paid.
Right.
You have to come now, you have to tell your greediest moment to complete the task.
This was the only difficult one for me because I, like you, don't consider myself a greedy person.
But
I once paid for an abortion in cash, then went back to the doctor's office to get the cash back and put down my credit card so I can get the points on my card for it.
So I could buy other things with the abortion money.
With the points.
Suddenly, I'm looking like a champ.
So greedy was I, Walt, that I wanted that procedure money to go towards.
I want to buy some toys with the
maximize
the abortion dollars, Walt.
I wanted to maximize
by using points.
Jason
statue.
So you prefer not to go with every time we come up with a piece of Telum Steve Dave merchandise, you try to price it at least 25% higher than the Walt always agreed to?
I didn't want to expose that, Brian.
I thought that would make me unlikable.
Everybody pays for an abortion or two.
Now, did you pay for this second abortion with points?
I had a punch card.
I was able to get the free one.
And a sub.
All right, let's see what Mike has to say.
Pretty fucked up, man.
Let's see if Mike is pleased with your story.
Wow, I can't believe you guys admitted to that level of greed.
Jesus.
That's pretty good, Mike.
Fucking gross.
All right, Q and Bride, you guys get to move on.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to see you, Quinn, but I'm definitely sure I'll see you, Brian.
Later.
That was a shot at you.
I noticed you.
I was reading into it.
Wait a second.
Before we leave the ring of greed, another toll, an extra toll has to be paid.
Got to read this ad.
Now, then play the ad, get him.
I mean, Declan, I'm fucking punchy here.
I don't know if I'm the Baron or myself anymore.
Walt, every time I show up, it seems that
Giddim's trying to eat garbage.
Stacy's putting shit into a fucking garbage bag, and he's like, that's still good.
Nice.
He's like a fucking goat.
That wax paper stuck between his teeth.
The tin can is perfectly edible.
Recycle that in my gut.
Every time I come in, Q,
it seems that.
It seems like Walt has never heard of ZipRecruiter.
Yeah.
Is that what you're about to say?
You didn't have to hire Giddam just because you didn't know anyone else.
You could have went to ZipRecruiter, Walt.
This is for, like,
let's see.
This is for with ziprecruiter.com, you post your jobs.
You're a boss, you got a job.
You're like, I'm looking for a comic book store clerk.
And it'll put it automatically onto over a hundred job sites, including social media networks like Facebook and Twitter, with one click.
Find candidates in any city, industry, nationwide.
Post once and watch your qualified candidates roll in.
Yep, no juggling emails or calls to your office and or comic book store.
You screen candidates.
It's used by over a million businesses.
And your listeners can, listeners, if you're a boss, post your jobs on ZipRecruiter for free
by going toziprecruiter.com/slash T-E-S-D.
And
you're going to find the best candidates.
No child molesters.
Right.
No weirdos.
Right.
They've been pre-screened.
Right.
You know?
No
toothless freaks.
Right.
No people that, yeah, like you, like every day it's a new, there's a new problem.
A new problem.
You're right.
You tell them to do something, they don't do it.
Their only talent is they can talk backwards.
I could probably put that on the ZipRecruit file, right?
Can the candidate speak and think laterally?
Yes.
And at the same time, do their job and not search for skeleton keys all day.
Hey, come on, man.
I needed those skeletons.
He was trying to help me.
All right.
I appreciate that.
Well, ziprecruiter.com slash T-E-S-T.
Right now, listeners can post jobs on ZipRecruiter.
Oh, post jobs.
So we need ants that own businesses.
Yeah, yeah.
I made that mistake, too, when I was on the phone call.
I had no idea what the thing was until they told me.
So if you have a job, who do we have out there that we know owns businesses?
Mike Job.
We own a business.
Yeah, why don't we do that?
We need to hire anybody?
What do we need to hire?
We don't have to hire anybody.
We just post that we're hiring someone and then not hire anybody.
What would be the.
You'll see our code on there and they'll be like, ooh, the tell him Steve Dave mentions are rolling in.
But the bike shop, dude.
Oh, he needs a he needs somebody?
He's not out of business.
I don't think so.
I don't know.
But he probably needs someone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He always needs somebody to fix a bike.
Yeah.
Some other asshole.
Code?
Yeah.
Code or anything?
Yeah.
It was
duty.com/slash T-E-S-T.
All right.
Do it.
All right.
All right.
We go to ring five,
which is all right.
and here we go.
This one's going to be easy, too.
Quick, painless.
I got three more abortion stories that we can work through for the next ring.
I'm ready.
I've got rings four through eight covered.
You didn't realize how handy those came in.
Oh, I knew.
Hello there.
This is Frank number five.
You might remember me from the Tellum Steve Dave episode where I confessed to ruining a carrot cake.
And I'm I'm also known for skipping out on my family from Thanksgiving to watch Tell and Steve Dave record.
What are you doing?
I'm recording for Tell'em Steve Dave for the Halloween episode.
You're not missing Halloween, are you?
Because I'm not handing out candy by myself.
Alright, keep it up and I'll skip Christmas too.
What?
Nothing.
Nothing.
Anyway,
welcome to the Eighth Circle of Hell.
I'm already here.
Eight, we're already at at eight.
Eighth circle of hell.
Fraud.
Gentlemen,
in order to move on to the final circle, one of you must reveal yourselves.
We just went from five to eight.
We'll go back.
All right.
We skipped a couple in there between here.
We'll go back and get them.
Since we already listened to that one, we'll go right into your fraud stories.
Fraud.
You heard Frank number five.
He wants to hear a story when you were your
fraud is you commit the most
fraud ever.
Okay.
Who wants to go first?
Does ordering CDs back in the day under different names count?
That'd be pretty lame.
I.
What, from Columbia House?
Yeah, of course.
Like, who did it do that, right?
Yeah, I don't think that puts it.
But you can do that?
I mean, you used to be able to.
I bet you even one of the popes did that.
Yeah.
He's like,
check out this loophole
for only a penny.
Look at these sick gems I got.
It was fraudulent, but I mean,
I didn't see it as a big deal.
I got
a job at a car wash going back in the early
90s.
And
I got there.
I worked for an hour.
And they said somebody was like, all right, who's ready to go for lunch?
Now, we started at 8 in the morning.
So it was now 9.
And they're already sending people for lunch because they had so many people there to wash cars.
It was a Sunday.
Right.
And so where would you go to lunch?
I mean, it was the country suds are over Middletown, so I guess you could drive and go get.
I mean, it would be breakfast technically.
And within that hour, I already knew, like, there's no fucking way that I'm going to be able to do this.
So I was like, I'll go.
And then I just never went back.
And
instead, I went and I bought an Asbury Park Press.
I looked for jobs and I saw that they were hiring for managers at a movie theater.
So I went and doctored up a resume.
On your lunch?
Fake references.
Oh, no, I never went back to this.
This would have been your lunch break, though, you did all this.
Yeah.
Doctored up a resume, made fake references, the whole thing, went to the movie theater, handed it in, got a call back, went back for several interviews, pretended I had gone to college, the whole deal, and they hired me as a manager at National Amusements.
And then, within probably a month, they were like, I don't think he was telling the truth.
What did you do that led to believing that?
Because I didn't give a fuck about any of it.
And, like, because you, at the end of the night, you were supposed to go into like this room and count the candy and all this other shit.
And I guess they figured I wasn't doing it.
I was just like, however many boxes were supposed to be there, I would just write that.
So they took some boxes out, and I just wrote the number of boxes anyway.
And eventually they were like, this job isn't for you, is it?
And I was like, Not really.
So, yeah, I quit.
So, yes, I fraudulently
I got a job with fraudulent credentials.
It's not like I sold a passport or something.
Well, I mean, I think that you everybody pads their resume.
Everybody.
This was not padding.
These were places that I never worked.
Everybody lies in their resume.
Everybody.
Did you lie to get this job done?
So, yeah, that would be my story of fraud.
Again, like, yeah, and I'm not really a.
I wish I had a story about, like, using, like, my niece's name to get into Social Security number to get a credit card.
It's still good.
What are you talking about?
Don't poo-poo your fraud story.
I feel like I wasn't fraudulent enough.
All right, Q?
It's funny because yours was at the beginning of the job.
Mine was at the end of a job at Tech Products, which is a sign company I worked with.
My buddy and I both wanted to quit at the same time.
He quit a week before me.
and
when he left, they made a big deal out of the fact that when we got a job there,
we signed a non-compete
thing that we couldn't work at a competition.
At another competitive
company?
Yeah.
Well, there were, there were, yeah.
And apparently, it was like cutthroat competition between the two.
So my buddy quit, and he told me how his exiting went.
So one night after the office went down, I went into my
company personnel file and I took the non-compete clause that I signed and I took it out and I took it home with me and I destroyed it.
I might even still have it, but I took it out of the file.
And then when I went to quit, I told the manager that I had an offer for a job
at the competing company.
And he reminded me somewhat angrily that I signed the non-compete.
And I said, show me.
Show me where.
And he pulled out the file.
He stomped over, pulled out the file.
It wasn't in there.
And he said, well, even though I don't have it, you did sign it.
And I said, I never signed it.
He's like, we'll sue you.
And I said, well, we could cut this off right now with
a little bit of
a little payola.
He paid you not to go to work.
He gave me a,
what do they call it when you leave a company and you get
a severance to not go to work at the other company?
What did he think you were going to do?
Fucking reveal his secrets?
No, there was patents and stuff.
I don't know what he thought, but
you were going to bring your fucking unbridled bitterness.
I think it's about customers.
Like, you're going to go over
and call your customers and be like, I'm over here now, and blah, blah, blah.
He signed shit.
Here's a better one.
Yeah.
Wow.
So.
Nice work.
How much was the severance?
It wasn't much.
It was like $700.
$700.
You could buy a website for that.
To not get a job that you were never going to get in the first place.
That's right.
That's right.
That's pretty good.
Yeah.
That is gross.
That's company espionage as well.
Yeah.
Do you have a non-forcal clause?
I have a non-disclosure.
Can I say I have a non-disclosure?
Yeah, he does have a non-disclosure.
No, he doesn't.
Yes, he does.
He does.
You signed a non-disclosure?
Yeah.
That is hysterical.
Who made you sign that, Carol?
Yeah.
You can't say who made you sign it, Carol.
She fucking broken.
You're in breach of your contract.
All right, let's hear about Frank.
What, five?
You know why we went from
because you want to go home?
No, four
to eight?
Because it was Frank five.
My eyes got mixed up.
We'll go back to five.
Wow.
Just wow.
Truly, truly shocking.
Well, the toll has been paid, and you are free to move on to the ninth and final circle
after the next two circles.
All right, so now I gotta go to five, right?
It's back in
well, I will be dipped in shit and rolled in breadcrumbs from Johnson and Brian Wynn.
How are you doing, boys?
Welcome to the fifth circle of hell.
I'm the lord of this land, wrath.
And let me tell you, fellas, they ain't invented a thing yet that I ain't pissed off about.
I'm angry!
Hotter than Mean Chin's asshole, slathered Mike Zapzic's homemade hot sauce.
It's getting getting worse every day.
I put in a transfer with the boys downstairs to get Elvis brought over.
You know who they send?
Ronald fucking Reagan.
Ever since he showed up, hadn't been able to pull John Wayne's tongue out of his ass.
Get a goddamn room, you two!
So if you two sad sack sons of bitches ever want to see another decent movie or use another recreational drug again in your shitty little life, you're going to have to advance to the next circle.
And to do that, you got to guess the target of my wrath.
So you don't have to tell a wrathful story.
No.
No, you have to guess what he's going to do.
He's going to give you three clues to guess what he's angry at.
Okay.
All right.
Do you understand the game?
Yeah, I do.
Okay, so you got three shots at it.
Yeah.
Is it Halloween related?
You know how much money I can get for a Ronald Reagan, John Wayne, Brian Quinn, sex tape, and hell.
Place where people gathered.
Or gather.
Need another clue?
You got three clues.
Yeah, we definitely need it.
That means we may as well take all three.
What he's mad at.
I have to guess what his target of his wrath is.
If you dig deep enough into this bottomless pit of despair, you can find an intelligent thought or two.
And those people are immediately identified, drugged through the streets, burned at the stake, their ashes delivered to their mother, where they're pissed on in front of her so she can feel the pain that the community felt at the hands of those ashes.
I don't know.
Is he angry at Twitter or the internet?
Getting close.
And the worst thing of all about this goddamn place is the anonymity of it all.
They write 80,000 words treating not to care about what they're writing about.
And they say, if you respond, I win.
If you don't respond, I win.
Either way, you're left holding the bag, you piece of shit.
Love, Danimos, and Dr.
Halloween.
I talked to the head beasel boss in charge this morning, and he told me there's a special place in hell for Dr.
Halloween and everybody like him.
And the best episode of Tell Em Steve Dave ever recorded: the Peyton Manning of Potting is playing 24 hours a day, seven days a week, pranked up to 11.
All right, that was the last clue.
What was the target of Maxwell's?
I said it as a start of it.
What?
Well, you were looking at Brian.
You were looking at Brian.
That wasn't a legitimate answer.
I see.
You're captive.
You're gonna have to repeat it.
Yeah, Reddit, right?
I would say Reddit, yeah.
Reddit.
Let's see if it was correct.
Then we move on.
Well, I guess congratulations are in order, boys.
You guessed the target of my wrath?
The TESD Cares Reddit page.
What a fucking horror show that place is.
The TESD Care's Reddit page is what would have happened if Willy Walker would have decided to make everlasting bags of flaming shit instead of gobstoppers.
Before you boys go, can I get some autographs?
I want to sell some shit on eBay.
Quinn, would you like to be on an episode of Max?
Where are you going?
Hey, where are you going?
I don't want you to be on my podcast anyway.
Fucking jerk.
All right.
Now, that was five.
That sounded very personal for me.
That's why.
Everything.
FanDuel.
I got to get into this.
People are winning money, Walt FanDuel.
Not me.
One-week fantasy football for cash.
You know the drill.
You heard us talk about FanDuel for a while now, and you still haven't tried it?
Why?
Because I think you won't win?
Because you think winning cash, playing one-week fantasy football seems too good to be true.
Brian, maybe they think they're no match for those guys who've been playing longer.
Hey, let's put all their minds at ease.
Yeah, how so?
Well, they're always going to get a fair and level playing field.
There's beginner contests for rookies.
Are we summoning the Baron again?
You called and I have come.
There's custom features.
You want to go back into hell?
How about some more dyslexia real quick?
My fucking spine feels like somebody's replaced them with cement blocks.
Get them.
Get them real quick.
Here we go.
You guys are amazing.
Hold on.
I got to think of a word.
I'm trying to think of one off the cuff.
Overdose
empty.
Full wean?
Happy overdose empty.
That's some deep-level fucking ant shit.
Like, if an aunt says that to me, if somebody comes up to me on Halloween is happy overdose empty.
That's amazing.
It's full.
What's a code, Ry, for FanDuel?
FanDuel.
What would be the opposite of FanDuel, Gabe?
C-E-S-D.
What would be the opposite of FanDuel?
What's the opposite of a fan?
Hater.
Hater.
Hater and duel?
Apology.
No, a duel.
Let's just say single.
One.
Okay, okay.
Single.
All right.
Hater, single.
Hater or single.
Single hater.
Single hater.
Single hater, fan duel, yeah.
That's our code, single hater.
Try FanDuel now, get up to $50 in free entries.
New users who deposit will get five free entries, blah, blah, blah.
I mean, you can read all that shit on the website.
I don't see a Tellum Steve Dave league this week.
Come on, guys.
My God.
It may not be one.
Yeah, there is.
FanDuel.com/slash TESD to play in the TESD league.
Oh, yeah.
There's a $5 entry fee.
$5, that's it.
And how much can you win?
Like a million.
So go for it, man.
Challenge your buddies in a private league.
Ooh, private leagues.
That's what I like.
This one could anger you.
And I'm kind of.
I don't know if everybody in this room wants to hear this one.
Oh, boy.
Yeah.
I didn't know it was going to go this way.
All the ringmasters are left to their own devices to say what they wanted to say.
Should I call the University of Florida?
What are you doing here?
Fucking.
Aren't you supposed to be in two, lust?
Why are you.
Shut up.
This one, this one, we went off the rails a little bit.
All right.
Can't wait.
And
I don't know.
I did not know.
I thought.
I get a feeling that
roasting is going to be appropriate here.
I just want to be upfront.
This was not productive.
This was sanctioned by the Baron?
The Baron said, do what you will, and just send me the file, and I'll play it.
All right.
So this is where we're in Ring Six.
Okay.
And you guys.
I'm sure it has to be Envy, right?
Ring six?
Well, well, well.
It's the two Brians from Tellim Steam, Dave.
Welcome to the Six Ring of Hell.
Heresy, bitches.
What's up?
It's your old pal, Roastmaster Chris Ledondo.
And what the fuck is up with the Six Ring of Hell?
I think maybe after the Roast appearance I can be maybe bumped up to three.
Anything?
Even when I fucking win, I lose.
Anyway, I mean it could be worse.
I guess I could be in the ISL comics ring.
It's okay guys, you don't have to hold hands here.
Nobody'll hurt you.
Alright guys, I guess you know the drill by now.
I gotta read you some kind of task for you to get through this ring.
But I'm gonna ask Stacey Bottella to hand me the scroll so I can read that task.
Stacy, would you mind?
Thanks.
Oh, wait, you got something on your face.
My dick.
Boom!
It's a roast.
Alright, guys, here's the task: you have to answer three out of four trivia questions correctly
on this classic armory.
And it says
Uh, the Exorcist II, the Heretic.
That movie was fucking terrible.
Even the fucking movie they give me is fucking shit.
Alright, you ready, Jerkoff?
Alright, boys.
I don't understand what's going on.
We're getting asked trivia questions?
Yeah, you guys are getting multiple choice questions.
About Exorcist 2.
The heretic.
The heretic.
Oh, my God.
Which should be be easy to say.
Multiple choice.
80% of the footage was from the Exorcist.
Now, the only reason that, just to give an explanation to you and the listeners,
heresy.
That we're in the ring of heresy.
I didn't even know what to do about it.
So I was like, well, heretic sounds like heresy.
So I was like, we'll come up with a trivia question about the heretic.
So brilliant.
One of the least popular secrets of all time.
But why is he taking on this fucking bargain basement Rodney Dangerfield
fucking like I don't respect at all?
And why is he going at the Stacey?
Like, what the fuck?
I just will say.
He's the nicest person most people have ever met in their entire lives.
I'll say that's not the only one.
I literally could not say a bad word about her.
He's like, oh, it's my dick.
Hey, it's a roast.
He's married with a daughter.
He recorded that with his wife and fucking child in the next earshot.
It gets worse, too.
I don't understand it.
He can't even just ask straight trivia questions.
No, he does.
Let's just get through it.
All right.
I did find it strange, and I was hoping that you would have to go.
Stacy wouldn't come up there.
Because I was like, well, that could be awkward if he brings Stacy, but hey.
Here she is.
We're in hell.
You wanted to bring her with you, Q.
You took the chances.
I told you you were going into hell tonight.
Now you got Ghost Pussy's dick all over you.
Case you got some on your face there.
All right.
Question one.
All right.
Let's begin.
What uncredited, Different Strokes child star was in the film?
Data Plato, Gary Coleman, or Todd Bridges?
Now you both get to answer.
So I would choose different answers.
Okay.
You don't know.
All right, yeah.
I mean, what are we?
garden circle?
Well, I saw your dyslexia gameplay, and I'm a little worried.
I actually think it was Dana Plato.
As why,
but
going by the advice of the parry,
I just want to see you guys get this right.
I feel like
there was no place for Gary Coleman.
I think it was Dana Plato, but I'll just say Todd Bridges.
Right.
Okay.
You're going to say Dana Plato.
Yes.
You're going to say Todd Bridges.
Yes.
BQ.
You just saved Brian's soul.
Wow.
All right, well, thanks.
It was Dana Plato.
All right, great.
All right, so you got that one right.
You got to get these all right.
There's only three of them.
What you talking about, Lucifer?
According to the Golden Turkey Awards, an academy that rates the world's worst films, Exorcist 2, The Heretic, is number 1, 2, or 3 on their all-time worst movie list.
He didn't give the answer.
Which number is it?
1, 2, or 3?
Oh, so we got got that one right, I see.
Oh, you didn't get it right.
You got to tell me what number it is.
No, the first one we got.
Oh, yes, you did get it right.
Yes.
It was Dana Plato.
I thought he had a wise-ass comment and something to say about Stacy.
That's common, Killer.
Don't worry.
You're in Al.
I'm going to stuff Stacy Patella like a turkey and then giving her a golden shower.
This is unbelievable.
I don't think in his defense, I don't imagine he thought that she would be in the room listening to it.
But it's just a weird choice, anyway.
Well, I mean, he's definitely in roast mode.
Right, all right.
He's the roastmaster.
He's unseated me.
I've been overthrown.
I've been deposed.
So, well, according to the Golden Turkey Academy, what ranking is the Exorcist 2 that?
Well, I know it's not number one.
So if you guess two and I guess three, then...
Well, I don't know it's not number one, but I think that number one is
something else.
It can't be.
Yeah, so I'm going to say three.
I'll say two.
You make a good team.
You just saved his soul.
Nice.
Number two.
Nice, buddy.
What was number one?
Do you know?
Plan nine is still listed as number one.
Yeah.
All right.
We're a solid team.
I mean, do we always have no dyslexia team?
No.
Don't fucking pat yourselves on the back, too.
We're not going through.
Our guys are taking, you're eliminating one answer.
Okay.
We again are fucking going inside deep into each other's cranium.
You're right.
You're fucking pulling shit out that no one can pull out.
Yeah, you're right.
You're absolutely right.
We apologize.
Question three.
Exorcist 2, The Heretic, was released in 1976, 1977, or 1979.
76, 77, or 79.
Well, the Exorcist was 76, right?
I thought it was like 72 or 76.
Oh, really?
I think it might even be 72.
Oh, you said 76.
You're going to have to save our souls on this one, buddy.
Well, you at least should answer, though.
Yeah, well, whatever he picks, I'll pick something else.
76, 77, or 79.
Was it that bad, Exodus 2?
It's unwatchable.
It's terrible.
Really?
Are any of the major characters back from it?
Linda Blair.
Oh, Linda Blair's back?
Is she possessed again?
No, they try to explain it as it wasn't a demonic.
So they kind of try to take all the juice that was in the first one.
And they rely on a lot of footage from the first one.
Really?
All right.
I mean, this is just a wild guess.
I would say
I would say 76.
I'm going to then then say
77.
Good.
Because 77 is the right answer.
All right.
Thank you.
Thank you for saving myself.
I'm going to save salsa on your
head right there.
Oh, shit.
Last question.
Fourth question.
Texas 2 grossed $3 million, $30 million, or $300 million.
Definitely not $300 million.
You can eliminate that one then, can you?
Yes.
So I'm going to say $3 million.
All right.
And I'll say 30.
You guys are a team.
When he fucking falters, you pick him up.
I can't believe it.
I've made 30 million
footprints in the sand, man.
I'm carrying him.
And then when you see tractor prints in the sand, that's when he's carrying me with a backup.
Me on ATV.
Let's see what Chris has to say before we move on.
Unless we want to skip it.
Do you want to skip it?
Oh, no, we have to hear it.
Are you sure?
Well,
we can have Declan just do it for now.
No, no, no, we got to hear it.
You are sure you're going to do this?
Yeah, of course.
You all right with this?
I feel horrible.
I had nothing to do with this.
It's such a bizarre choice
to do it.
I'm going to leave the room for this one.
It's going to get uncomfortable.
Is it that bad?
It's kind of rough.
He's in roast mode.
Yeah.
Well, when isn't he?
All right, guys.
Congratulations on getting through the sixth ring of hell.
And while I haven't yet, I guess it's confession time.
Quinn,
sometimes when you're on the road, I bang Stacey Patella on your couch.
And I usually wipe the cum off with Benjamin Cat.
That's a lie.
I'm only kidding.
It's with Suzanne's face.
Oh, fuck you.
And, guys, if you see Walt, tell him we know he fucks.
Get him, Steve Dave, at five o'clock.
All right.
I mean, just
it's just tell him.
It's five o'clock.
The door is locked, and my cock is out.
Peace assholes.
Wow.
Do you guys talk to Chris?
Do you talk to Chris on a regular basis?
I'm a little worried about him.
It's just Locker.
I haven't talked to him in a while.
It's Locker talking.
He is like,
you know how, like, the, like, the, the new, like, the new liberal is the old, like, Republican in terms of, like, anger and just,
like,
he is,
like, you see him on Twitter.
He's angry about everything.
There's nothing that can come up that he is not pissy about, whether it's
Trump or a cop shooting somebody or this or that.
Like he's got an opinion on everything and it's always expressed with rage.
You guys should get along.
If you guys were a little bit,
if he's a little bit more right-wing-leaning, you guys would be best friends, maybe.
Yeah, he's too lefty for me.
Yeah.
And plus,
I like Stacey a lot.
What about him fucking saying that me and Kim were fucking?
That bothered me, Chicken.
That's uncalled for.
And we don't fucking close the door and lock it at five o'clock.
It's at six.
It's at six.
No.
And then we go home.
No cocks.
I mean, and if you want to truly roast you guys, the cock wouldn't be out.
Like,
he's saying the cock's out of the pants or the cock's out of your ass.
I wasn't sure about that.
It's hard to decipher
what he was.
Did he get down to your Percocet by any chance?
I will say this.
He must be punished.
And I think the only way that we can punish him is by having another roast and not inviting him.
Betty's in the Red Bank fucking clock tower.
Isn't your birthday coming in December?
Yep.
I mean, we just do another one and we just don't invite them.
We're telling him there's a roast and he's the only one that shows up.
Oh, man.
No, that wouldn't bother him as much as another one coming out and him not being able to do it.
I don't have enough material for everyone.
All right, so
again, I want to say I told him just that he could say whatever he wanted
and
I did not be like, you know, take some shots at anybody, including myself.
Right.
But,
you know.
And it was weird how he sort of trailed off at the end.
He's like, just tell him.
He was tired, sadly.
Yeah, he put all his fire and passion into that mask.
I mean, what if somebody talked about his daughter that way?
It's horrible, this way to speak about women.
Yeah.
Even in my fucking horrible greed story, I'm still pro-choice.
I'm still standing up for women's rights.
I just want my cut on it.
That's all.
All right, we're going on to ring seven.
I do like how Walt's like, well, what about what he said about me and get him?
Not like,
what do you said about Suzanne?
That's what I thought he was going to say.
He knows.
He knows I'll defend his honor first.
I knew.
I knew that it wasn't going to move your dial.
I knew it wasn't.
The needle was steady.
Yeah, the needle was going to stay exactly where it was.
I knew that.
I'm going to hear about that Link Troy sent me.
Wife says, dick on my cat.
Well, all all kidding aside, though, let's move on.
All right, ready?
Next to last ring, boys.
You're doing good, Q.
Well, we're almost a heaven.
How's everyone doing?
That's right, it's me, Sunday Joe.
Welcome to ring number eight, violence.
Horror movies, especially ultra-violent horror movies, are definitely a hit here in hell.
Wait, who would have thought that, right?
And you know, if I'm in charge, we got Simple Dwarf playing on a loop as well as women in prison marathons on the weekend.
What film series really gets everyone fluttering around down here is a certain series that was banned in 40 countries.
That's right.
I'm talking Faces of Death, son.
Now to get to the final ring, you are going to have to tell me if a mondo violence scene I described to you from the infamous six installment film series Faces of Death was really in one of the six films.
And you must answer three out of five questions right to advance.
Understand?
Yeah, but he's ring eight.
Actually, he fucked up many times in this.
Okay.
He was ring five, he was ring eight.
Yeah, he actually.
But he's ring seven.
Yeah, he got his numbers mixed up.
But actually, it's all detouring all over hell.
It's all serendipitous.
It's almost like he knew he was going to be played next to last.
As if we really had this fucking worked out right, right?
Yeah.
I mean, you've been getting worked on this for a long time.
But I wasn't looking for keys.
I was working on this.
No, actually, when I fucking demanded you fucking stay and work on this.
You should have heard the key argument last week.
Yeah,
I think people are less argumentative at key parties
than these guys
were about.
I gotta listen to it.
What was the gist of the argument?
That Giddam
dropped everything he was doing during work hours to go out and search
during work hours, though, like not even on his lunch break.
And then went down because some fucking guy who died years ago used to have a barrel of keys.
And then he further investigated where this barrel ended up.
It became a whole thing.
Did you find the barrel?
No.
Oh, damn.
Ultimately, he failed, which, you know, added insult to injury.
Oh, shit, that's Tucker.
He thought I was calling him back.
Oh, he must have been waiting this whole time.
I feel so bad.
Well, he's dyslexic, man.
I'll tell you what.
We're not calling him back.
If somebody can, before the end of the year, get me a complete set of those Corbin skeleton keys, Q-Series, I'll give them one of my vinyl cast 2s signed
at least five people who are on it.
Not you, LaDondo.
Not La Dono.
Wait, he was on it.
So that's for you guys out there.
An ultra-rare Stacey Patella.
I'll get Stacey Patello to sign it if she's not fucking sucking Chris Ladano's dick.
Yeah.
Or taking care of Benjamin Cass, scrubbing out his coat.
That was Tucker.
He says
he was happy happy to do it.
He had a ball, and he would be more than willing to ever do it again if we ever need him.
He's on board.
He's our guy.
He's our excuse.
He gives us a reason to continue on.
How did he write it if he's dyslexic?
Is it.
Autocorrect.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Got it.
Autocorrect writes backwards to forwards?
He learns.
He's just got a special phone.
Okay, Todd, do you understand in this ring what you guys are doing?
Jeff is going to describe to you a scene of a Mondo violence scene.
You have to decide if it was really in the faces of death film series right or if he made it up now I have an advantage here because I've watched those series many times in my life you've watched all six installments I've watched all six I watch as they get more ridiculous and fake as they go along
so I'm I mean it's probably been a decade since I've seen them but I used to watch them fairly regularly you know what though I mean if you can use That skill to your advantage in hell,
good on you.
I think I'm on this.
I think we got this, Brian.
All right.
I feel good about myself a little bit that I would say I haven't seen them in 30 years, not 10 years.
That's weird that you're watching them series.
Fuck, man.
Maybe 15 years.
You ready for the first clue?
Remember, you got to get three out of six right.
Yes.
So if you get three right, you move on.
You don't have to.
Well, it's not a clue.
He's just telling us a scene, right?
Yeah, and you're like, you have to tell me.
In it or not.
That was in the series or that was bullshit.
That didn't happen.
Footage of a Mexican circus where a tightrope performer slipped from the rope and his neck caught the wire and slit his throat.
He landed in a safety net and bled out squirming around in front of a live crowd till his body stopped moving.
That was in it.
That was in it?
I defer to you.
I remember the net, not the fall.
And I don't remember his neck getting cut either.
Now, it has been quite a while
since I saw it.
I thought that he went through the net or the net broke or something.
Maybe, because all I'm remembering is a net.
Yeah,
if I were to guess, I would.
Wow, see, I don't want to fuck this up, though.
My initial guess is no,
the scene is in there, but that's not how he died.
I will tell you this.
We are not trying to tease you.
It either is not or isn't.
There's no like, well, that scene was in here, but this didn't happen.
There is no salting of the scene.
So then I'm going to say yes.
You can say yes?
Yeah.
Was this one of those things like
the
Exorcist 2 heretic thing where he can say yes and I can say no?
Right?
Not in this one.
You guys both have to.
I think I remember it.
Okay.
I'll go with you, Q.
Yes.
So the scene of a Mexican talk
with Walker falling from the rope, slicing his neck, and dying in the net was in the movie.
Yes.
That did not happen in the Faces of Death series.
All right, Brian.
All right.
That's all right.
Don't worry about it.
My bad.
We're going to do it.
My bad, Brian.
All right.
Don't worry about it.
All right, guys.
Okay, you're allowed to miss three.
Okay.
Footage of a Bangladesh wedding that was interrupted when an escaped zoo elephant came charging through the outdoor reception, killing half of the wedding party as it was all caught on film.
An elephant crashed a wedding
and trampled some guests.
Gonna say yes, Brian.
You're gonna say yes?
I don't know.
I'm starting to regret proclaiming myself an expert on the Faces of Death series.
I regret it already.
Uber.
Yes.
Bangladesh seems so specific, too.
I don't know.
Sounds likely, though.
Then he got
an escaped zoo elephant.
But if they're faking shit, which that series is mainly faked,
that's a lot to fake.
You're going to need an answer, boys.
What does Tucker think?
He can't help you with his skills now.
Um
I don't remember.
Just give me a
true or false?
50-50.
Right.
You think you saw it?
I don't remember it.
But as we just learned, my mind is playing tricks on me.
Yeah.
You can't do this.
You can't just sit there like this long.
Of course we can.
Come on.
All right.
Sorry, time's up.
Do you want to just go with yes, Q?
Whatever you think.
Yeah, sure.
They got stomped and trampled.
That scene was not
in the series.
Okay.
You can only miss one more.
All right.
Oh, fuck.
And you're this close to Ring 9.
All right.
Imagine getting this close and not getting it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because we've got to get the next four right.
No, you got.
Well, no, you don't.
You can get one more wrong.
All right.
We're going to get three out of the next four?
Footage of a New Guinea tribe that devoured one of their fellow tribesmen's testicular tumor while he screamed in agony.
I mean, Jesus Christ.
What?
It's just, it's impossible to remember any of this.
Like, I saw this shit when I was in my teens.
So, why, so maybe you shouldn't agreed at the fucking beginning of the episode when the Baron asked you, Do you still want to go?
Now you can't complain about it.
When I said, Do you want to continue?
You're like, Yes.
Nobody who ever goes to hell is fucking regretful.
Well, eventually, something's had to have been in these movies, DJ.
So I might as well just say yes.
But that sounds weird.
They're eating his testicular tumor.
It sounds like exactly the sort of thing they would put in faces of death, though.
While he's screaming in agony?
Yeah.
Well, he wouldn't be screaming in fucking delirious
ecstasy, yeah.
So you want to go with yes, Q?
I'm going to say, much like Stacey Patella devoured Crystal Dondo's nuts.
Yes.
His cancerous nuts?
Yes, yeah.
While he screamed in pain.
So you're going to say that,
the testicular.
Something has to be in these movies eventually.
Unless none of them are all made up.
Well, that's a trick.
Right?
Well,
fucking devil's tricky, dude.
I know.
The devil's tricky, and you're not.
So what is the answer?
True or false?
Oh, snap.
You got us.
I can barely sit in this chair anymore.
Can we just say yes?
Yeah, we'll see.
Say yes to that.
Yeah.
The natives eating a testicular, cancerous testicle happened.
Sure.
I mean, I don't think it did.
Why are you listening to him?
It wasn't in there.
False.
It was not in there.
You guys got to get the next three right.
But fucking, none of these are in there.
I'm just going to say yes to everyone.
So if none of them are going to be there.
No, we should start saying no to all of them.
No, because now comes the switch.
All right.
You guys got to get this one right.
Or you're stuck.
I know.
Well, you know what?
If you're going to be stuck in a fucking, in a circle with Sunday Jeff for eternity,
it's not that bad.
Imagine you guys stuck with Chris.
We're watching Sinful Dwarf.
It's not bad.
Oh, yeah.
Footage of a Middle Eastern riot during a funeral procession through the streets where a craze mob ripped the corpse out of the coffin and the body was then torn into bits.
A Middle Eastern funeral procession.
Oh man.
Body was ripped out of the coffin, as they're apt to do.
They do it every day, it seems like.
They did it to the Shah.
Ayatollah Khamini.
I'm going to say
no.
You're going to say it didn't happen.
I say it did not happen.
I mean, no.
Q?
I'll go with him.
I'll say no.
False, it did not appear in the series.
So four for four.
None appeared in these fucking movies.
So they just sit there making shit up.
Who picked this?
Did he just make these up?
Yeah.
Why?
Because he didn't fucking put one in that appeared in the movie?
It's hell.
That's a good point.
Can't argue with that.
You got one of Mink's bootleg versions.
All right.
Oh, wait a minute.
You had to get three out of five right.
So there's not a six one.
So you guys are either I change the rules on the fly and you get this one right and you go on or we end it right here and we're done and we're and you guys are permanently stuck here in hell.
Well that number
is meant to be their judgment.
I don't think we would have been as flippant if we had known that there was only one more left.
So I think maybe, yeah, we should have.
Should the Baron bend the rules?
I think in the interest of fairness, it's so unusual that this would happen.
All right.
This is hell.
You get this right.
You're going to move on to the last circle of hell.
The answer is no.
Footage of a televised Brussels badminton match where a player was struck in the neck with a shuttlecock and died from his injuries.
Did you hear that?
Yeah.
A badminton match.
The shuttle cock is the thing that hit her in the third.
Yeah, the shuttle cock hit the person, player in the throat.
It's rounded.
He died.
It's very heavy in competition.
It is.
Okay.
Look how cute.
And you know how hard they hit that fucking thing?
Yeah, it's like.
It's going going 120.
I think
the fastest clock shuttle cut.
See, here's the thing.
Walt's leading us to a yes.
But Walt typically does that to screw us over.
But I think Walt wants to get
to 9.
I'm going to say no.
Really?
I was going to say yes.
Yeah.
I know.
You said it three times.
He wants us to say yes.
He doesn't.
All right.
He wants us to say no.
Walt doesn't want you to say.
Walt wants you to say yes, but the Baron wants you to say Walt.
Walt is not here.
Only the Baron is here.
I would listen to the Baron.
You should listen to the Baron.
Yeah.
You should listen to him.
I'd say no.
Okay, so now.
Correct.
Wow.
All of the faces at that scenarios were false.
Sunday Jeff, liar and deceiver.
He's fucking good.
Well, let's see.
Maybe he's even lying now.
Let's see what he has to say.
Well done.
You're both well done.
Well done.
I gotta run.
It's cosplays Tuesday here in hell, and me, Ming, Giddam, Chris, Frank Number five, and Mike are doing a mashup of the films Human Centipede and Sallow.
We definitely are getting first place this week, later.
Did you ever see Sallow, Kill?
What's up?
Did you ever see Sallow?
No.
I saw Human Centipede, though.
Yeah, Salo's like this crazy, I think it's Italian, Decadent movie, like people are eating shit, and
yeah,
it's gross.
So they do in hell, though.
So
if you're worried about your soul, you don't want to do that.
So
we're going to nine.
This is it.
Final circle.
So the mercy that Barrow Flanagan gave us might not be mercy at all, because this is hell.
Right.
Alright.
You guys ready for this?
Yeah.
We're ready.
Welcome to the ninth.
The final circle of hell.
Treachery.
To reveal my identity, you must think of a number.
Double it.
Six.
Divide it in half.
Subtract the number you started with.
And say say the number aloud.
You need to hear it again?
Does it get him again?
What's with these cell phones at the end?
Welcome to the ninth final circle of hell.
Treachery.
To reveal my identity, you must think of a number.
Double it.
Out six.
Divide in half, subtract the number you started with.
And say the number aloud.
Just pick a number.
Mm-hmm.
Pick a number.
What's the number?
Five.
So five.
Okay.
What was their instructions?
Double it.
I think you double it.
Ten.
Ten.
Add six.
Sixteen.
Add six.
Sixteen.
Subtract the number.
Divide it in half.
Divide it in half.
Subtract with the number?
Subtract the number you started with.
Eight, and then start with the number.
It's three, right?
Huh?
Is it frank three?
Is it no?
So what's the number?
The number would be three.
That's right.
It's three.
Who else, but the third and most glorious of Franks would rule the final circle of hell.
If you both want to escape hell and return home, the greatest Frank demands you reveal a moment when you committed
wait for it.
Treachery.
That's right, it was Frank 3.
He told you a little riddle like the devil is apt to do.
Is that always going to end in three?
It's a little thing?
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
That will always end in three, that little formula.
Wow.
They call that the devil's riddle.
Pretty good.
Do they really?
Or did you just say that?
Because the pitch forecast is free.
So
to get out of of hell and end the episode, you've got to reveal your most treacherous story.
How do you feel?
Oh, I have one that's pretty treacherous.
Really?
It's not going to make me look good.
That's what hell demands.
Well, I have two possible ones here.
I also have two possible ones.
But do we want...
I mean,
here's my question for the Baron.
Is it treachery towards
a friend or treachery just...
Wait a second.
Where you were the one committing treachery, and you feel now you are going to unburden yourself talking about it, maybe.
Oh, wait a second.
I think I fucked up.
I think I told my treachery story for fraud.
Yeah, you should at least have one then.
But that's the one where you fucking snaked $700?
Yeah.
Well, it works as fraud, too.
It does, but it was originally treachery.
You can tell your abortion winning in.
That wasn't treachery.
That's women's rights, Walter.
I firmly stand behind women's rights.
So you don't have another story?
No, I have have one, but it's not really that good.
Well, then definitely tell it before mine.
Yeah.
Before we get the buzzer.
Yeah, I know he's going to buzz it and get stuck with Frank 3.
I mean, I've never told anybody this before.
Oh,
that's what the Baron's looking for.
But it's not that good.
All right.
Something new.
But
my friend Anthony Keck, my friend Keck, was dating this girl, Michelle, for a long time, and
they broke up.
and
it's not a very good story.
It's just not a very good story.
Like, I just ended up hooking up with her behind his back for about a month.
Was he dating her at any point while you were hooking up?
No.
But, you know, you know how it is, bros before Holos Day had broken up.
He found out when he walked around the corner of a school building and saw us making out against the building.
Was she in high school?
No,
it was, we lived near a school.
A veteran was two weeks ago.
No, we lived near a school, and it was in the playground of the school, and he caught us.
Because he happened upon you.
Why are three adults hanging out in the schoolyard?
We're not
to make out.
No, we were like
15.
Oh, okay, you said.
15 or 16.
You didn't.
I forget it.
What, finger hurt?
I had a.
Oh, man.
I have a story about returning a Wii U, but that was more for fraud.
Oh, man.
I fucked up.
There are so many fraudulent stories.
I do.
I fucked up.
Maybe Brian could carry you.
Carry me, buddy, because I'm also in a little bit of a bunch of people.
Get up on Brian's back.
Come on.
I'm going to carry you.
Come on up.
I mean, it's going to be.
I honestly didn't think we'd make it to the ninth circle.
You wouldn't have, but if I didn't give you answers, yeah, it's true.
If you didn't get the chance to ask the creators, you would have been stuck.
We'd be in the second circle.
Back when I was
abusing substances,
I was taking a fair amount of pills per day, and sometimes, like, you know, the person that I got them from wasn't available or whatever.
And this was one of those times, and Pam had
your mother.
Yeah, my mother had back surgery.
And so she had painkillers.
And I noticed that, oh, this is so horrible.
This is what health demands.
You wouldn't tell us.
And
this is to get out of hell.
Right.
This is like a confessional.
Yeah.
So I noticed that the Percocet, 10 milligram Percocet she was taking, looked an awful lot like regular Tylenols, unless you looked very closely at the imprint.
Oh, wow.
We're shooting right out of hell, my friend.
Oh, man.
So,
I mean, I'm not trying to make myself look better, but in a bottle of like 60,
I replaced five just so I could get through the moment without getting dope sick.
I re-put five Tylenol in, took five Percocet out.
So, basically, at one point, she took five placebos.
Well, Tylenol does have healing properties.
Yeah, not the same as
oxycodone.
Yeah, wow.
That's pretty shitty.
That's it's pretty low.
To your own mother.
To your mother, yeah.
But she was okay.
I mean,
she survived.
She did.
She didn't need them.
Yeah.
That's probably the lowest thing I did while
taking pills was,
I mean, any lower would be me prostituting myself.
Yeah, I've felt horrible about that for a long time.
All right, you want to hear what Frank has to say?
About
my treachery.
Let's see if he's pleased with your stories.
Oh, man, that's some vile shit right there.
Jesus.
Do either of you guys have a conscience?
Well, the toll's been paid, I guess, and you're both free to go.
One last thing before you leave.
I need to deliver a message from all nine of the Circle of Hellmasters.
Happy Halloween.
Tell them.
Steve Day Day.
We're back.
Nice.
Wow.
Oh, shit.
Oh, a little dislike.
I didn't even know that was going to happen.
Wow.
Maybe it didn't happen.
Yeah, I apologize for shanking that last story, Walt.
I got my stories messed up.
That's all right.
I had a really killer story about returning a Wii U and trying to screw over some children.
Which is a Wii U.
Oh, Nintendo Wii.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, fuck.
What's the one that moved you to the bottom of the middle?
This is the one that fucking pissed me off.
Troy sent this.
I know he does it to me on purpose.
He does.
He does it to all of us.
That's kind of cruel to do to a mentally ill person is to intentionally move their needle.
Yeah, especially after he heard my needle hadn't been moving for a while.
We should go to the newspapers about this.
We'll just see about that.
Okay, so this is, I mean, I don't know.
I can't call the entire college puss holes, but if you
utilize this service, you definitely are.
The University of Florida is offering counseling to anyone who gets offended by any costumes worn this coming Halloween.
The school wrote in a blog post Monday urging students to think about your choices of costumes and themes.
Some costumes reinforce stereotypes of particular races, genders, cultures, or religions.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Also, keep in mind that social media posts can have a long-term impact on your personal and professional reputation.
Why are you laughing at that, Giddam?
That's true.
It is true.
It's just true.
It's so true.
Social media can now,
you could be linked to it for your entire life, what you do what you do.
Let me tell you something.
I suppose you're laughing at.
I just, yeah, idiot.
Your career in the comic book industry.
No, no, no.
The comic book clerk industry.
There's a difference.
So, Brian, that's where you end up when you do drunk story time.
The low man on the totem pole at a comic book store.
You can pretty much say and do whatever you want.
No, you cannot.
There's a lot of rules you've got to abide by.
Sanctions on this guy.
I'm like, North Korea is like, wow.
We're strict there.
For his own good.
We need this guy to run our place.
It's for his own good.
I really believe that.
Kim Jong-Walt.
But can you imagine being such a soft ass?
I don't even know what to call him.
I don't even want to call him a pussy.
That's a
denigrate the beautiful female genitalia by referring to whatever these people are as a pussy.
But it's just, it's unfucking believable.
Can you imagine?
Can you imagine you live in a world where you're so fucking just like sensitive?
You see a costume and you're like, I'm so, dude, and I'm not even trying to be a fucking tough guy.
I got carjacked at fucking gunpoint,
held hostage, officially kidnapped,
walked away from it.
They called me and they're like, anybody of a violent, a victim of a violent crime
is allowed to get counseling at the cost of the
state.
And I said, no.
These guys see a costume.
Yeah, I mean, that's.
And they're like, oh, why not just tell them not to come into, you know, like, say, you know, if you're offended, don't come into, you know, we'll give you a free pass to take off that day.
So if you see a costume of a white dude, it's not only that, man.
What if they see it on social media?
Yeah.
Then what?
So I can.
Then what's going to happen?
So, like, I could see a tweet and I'd have to go out.
Now I have to go see this emergency counselor.
That's how fragile I am.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Can you imagine like seeing a white dude in a sombrero
and
a Mexican blanket and feeling so hurt inside that your only recourse, I can't even get through it,
is to call a fucking stranger and cry about it.
Yeah.
As opposed to just being like, that's kind of fucked up in this day and age, and then getting on with your life.
And then just getting on with your life.
I would fucking almost bet my life that the student that goes for that counseling is not Mexican.
Right, right.
And not for nothing, if I'm going to party with one of them, it's going to be the fucking guy in the sombrero and Mexican blanket because he knows how to fucking party.
Not the person on Hold With Crisis Center.
Right.
I was in Asbury Park and I saw
a person.
They had like a bjorn with a little dog in it.
You know, like those.
Usually what they hold a baby in?
Yeah.
We had one of them when I was in the store recently.
And
it was a
little Chihuahua.
It wasn't a Chihuahua, no.
Yorkie?
Yeah, something like that.
Like some little toy dog.
And he had a mini, little, a little, mini sombrero on and a mini.
It wasn't a chihuahua?
What's that?
That thing.
That would be a bit of a nice black.
That's fine.
Yeah, that blanket.
As long as it's a chihuahua.
It wasn't a chihuahua, though.
And I screamed cultural appropriation at that dog.
I was very upset by it.
I remember that.
I called the police.
I'm in counseling for it right now.
The year after.
The year after 9-11, they were dickheads walking around in Twin Tower costumes.
And I wasn't like, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you weren't like a little bit like, I cannot believe
the sensitivity and the absolutely.
I'm like, what an asshole.
Yeah, what kind of brain?
But I didn't need fucking, like, not for a second was I even close to like, I need to talk to somebody.
But on a night, on a night when you're out and about, and maybe it's Halloween, and you see those two fucking idiots walking around.
Oh,
you didn't.
I saw one.
You weren't.
You weren't inclined to maybe say something and get like a push him over.
No,
no, I wouldn't be able to do that.
What do I care?
That's America, man.
And they walked around unaccosted because I would think that'd be.
Look, man, we got fucking clowns getting beat up.
I'm with you, bro.
But people walking around as the burning towers are being left alone and being like, hey, to be honest, bro.
To be honest, 14 years ago.
I mean, how is that possible?
What kind of world are we living in where clowns, innocent clowns, are walking around getting beat up because of some internet hoopla.
We got guys walking around and dressed as the towers, and we're like,
and we give them a thumbs up with a smile.
It's a fucked-up world.
That was 14 years ago.
I think we had a little more sense back then as a collective.
Fucked up world, Walt.
No,
I'm saying that that is.
I would not be surprised.
I wouldn't, I wouldn't physically harm somebody from wearing that costume, but if I drove by, I'd give whoever was beating the shit out of them a little thumbs up or beat beat.
Sure.
Listen to me.
If somebody wanted to beat the shit out of those guys, that would make sense to me.
Someone who sees it wants to call a fucking counselor and weep about it, to me, I'm just like,
you're a broken human being.
Agreed.
But what do you say about the person who fucking sees a clown and pulls over and beats the show?
Hey, man, shit happens.
No!
That's outrageous that clowns are getting beat up now.
I agree with you, but what are you going to do?
Fucking make a call.
Use your stance.
Use your power and your visibility in public.
You should do a PSA for clowns.
And tell people, don't beat up clowns this hard.
I'm Brian Clinton from TV's in Philadelphia.
I'm not endorsing clown bashing bashing at all.
I don't think people.
I'm officially coming out with a stance that nobody should bash clowns.
Thank you.
Thank you.
And I'll stand by that.
I'll stand by that.
Why?
Who's going to try to pull you away?
You're not going to hear me changing my position on that.
People are going to be a flop on that
stance.
But if you see a clown in the street, and it makes you all willing to get away from it.
What about a clown dressed in a sombrero, wearing a twin tower costume?
I mean, amazing.
Amazing.
Well, I think
what people are getting mad at is not clowns in general, but like people dressing as clowns trying to scare kids on purpose.
That seems to be what people are.
But I don't know how often it's happening.
This is just another one of those internet fucking deals where people are just.
It's like three clowns did it.
Well, it's going to
be like an international interview.
Where I am in Howell, the police chief had it come out because he he was getting all these complaints of kids coming home and telling their parents that someone saw a clown.
And so he investigated, went all the way up to the state police, and he came out on a Facebook post and said, Look, it never actually happened.
The kids are just making it up and
spreading rumors.
He's not a clown.
He's a comic bookstore clerk.
He's just got big feet.
Well,
is there any difference between that guy getting offended at um a possessed psychopath and somebody seeing a zombie and it being like my son died last year and I find desecration of corpses to be disrespectful to my son who is now dead and it it offends me?
I've o I thought about this.
I thought about are we moving towards that too?
Because um
AMC's like, no.
AMC's got too much money.
They'll squash that movement.
Clowns clowns ain't got no powerful allies like AMC.
They don't have a big lobby group.
Fucking Ringoling Brothers just doesn't have the power.
Yeah, I mean, Ringling Brothers can't say, they can't come out and say anything.
They're fucking torturing elephants.
They can't even fucking now come out and try to defend clowns.
They got no credibility.
They're like, sorry, guys.
You're on your own.
We'd like to help, but we sort of just kept quiet about the elephants.
We defend you, assholes.
That's right.
Is it a tough time for a clown now?
Like, are our people?
I think it's always a tough time.
Like, they're booking parties.
Like, you're going to book your kids' party, and you were like, I was going to go with a clown.
Yeah.
It's rough.
They're waiting for the...
But
it's all cicular?
Cyclical?
Cyclical?
You know, the clowns are on the crosshairs right now, but they'll be out, and somebody else will be in there.
Yeah, 2020 clowns just move on.
No.
See the courts.
no, no.
Usually these things move on so fast.
Like a month from now, people will see clowns and be like, oh, remember when clowns were scary?
Right.
Remember, and something move on to something else.
We all have ADD as a society.
Sorry.
Yes,
I know I'm offended by that.
As am I.
I'm almost full of the week.
We don't have ADD, right?
What's up?
ADD?
Sometimes.
Okay, sorry, guys.
It's all right.
It's okay.
We give you a pass.
Our annual roundup
of offensive costumes.
Now, who are you going to go to, Q, when you want to know, hey, I'm going to dress up as this?
Is my costume offensive?
Is it too racist?
Is it too sexist?
Is it
are you a jerk?
Is winningcunt.com still up?
Very close.
Okay.
Huffingtonpost.com.
Oh.
Who wants to know why are stores still selling the tranny granny costume?
Tranny Granny is a Halloween costume.
They use the word tranny.
And it's.
I thought everybody agreed that that was out.
Only if tranny.
We agreed that you can use it if it's somebody got tranny tricked because then they deserve it.
That's right.
So that's the tranny granny.
I think they're just trying to be.
It's just a
grandmother costume.
Yeah, it's a grandma.
I don't understand.
It's like something out of mama's family.
Yes.
Yeah, I think they're just trying to be a little
scared.
So it's random.
They're trying to stir up some
news for themselves.
Okay.
Wait, why did it go to that now?
Okay, okay.
What else is on the list?
Dangerous.
Dangerous stereotypes about terrorism aren't a laughing matter.
So don't dress up like a Middle Eastern guy with a suicide vest on.
This is old.
No one ever agrees with that.
I would agree with that.
Why would you agree with that?
Because what happened in New Jersey?
We had the bombing here a couple weeks ago.
Oh, so now it's in your backyard.
Now it's not okay.
I think it's
fine with Granny Tranny, but
now it's a problem.
Yeah, if you saw a tranny granny in your yard, then suddenly you'd be against that.
Well, I think it's the vest, the whole bombing.
Talking undocumented immigrants is tasteless and insensitive.
And
it's a guy with an alien mask, a jumpsuit on that says illegal alien, and it comes completely.
Are you sure these are real?
And this is not just some like onion fucking specialists.
It's probably the same site that sells the Kim Kardashian robbery costumes.
I don't believe these costumes really exist, and they're just doing this to like to like then you and guys who
are prone to get angry over things like this.
Okay, let's uh now this one, Q, I couldn't disagree with more.
Okay, try not to hypersexualize women with every every single costume now.
Well, why don't we leave that up to the women?
Exactly.
Yeah.
Have you ever told anyone, any female, what Halloween costume they should wear?
I mean, I've tried, but they don't let the end.
They wear what they want.
We're going 26 years in a row with Stacey Vitello, which she has not taken my suggestions.
You wanted her dressed like Tranny Granny?
Or Twin Towers.
Sexy Twin Towers.
Sexy Twin squeezes.
No, that's the thing.
She does wear that one.
That doesn't lead to much romantic
at the end of the night.
It's hard to overlook.
But I was under the impression that Halloween was the pass for girls to dress.
I was understanding that was the purpose of Halloween.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't see that as being like, like, if you're going to, like, hypersexualizing is something that the woman does.
Like, Like, they don't have to buy the costume or wear it.
You're trying to take that choice out of women's hands?
It looks that way to me.
Most Asians don't like to be depicted as exotic and servantile.
There's a picture of Mink dressed as a Geisha.
Okay.
Geisha girl.
That's a boring costume anyway.
Yep.
Dressing up as another culture is an appreciation.
It's appropriation, Walt.
Yeah, I've heard that.
Yeah.
That's why I don't do it.
So cut it out.
You were going to dress as an Indian chief, I heard.
That's not on the list of approved costumes for the stash.
So if I want to dress up like, say,
a pilgrim.
Yeah.
Is that appropriating?
Well, I don't believe in the concept of cultural appropriation.
But
if I was to
dial my sensitivity all the way up.
Right.
You're going to Florida State or wherever that.
Yes.
Then I think it's okay because pilgrims were white, and you can do anything you want to white people.
Okay.
So I think you're okay.
So, well,
eventually we're going to get to the point where we're addressing as rainbows.
Yeah, I told you, rainbow ponies.
And
pilgrims.
Yeah, I think pilgrims are.
We're okay with that.
Okay.
So that's, I don't know.
Usually their roundup is a little bit more
interesting.
I think they're going soft.
Well,
they pretty much
eradicated all the, you know, over the course of the years, a lot of the customs that they were upset about have been well,
it's just the same shit over and over again.
They're like, it's never funny.
Don't dress like a fat hula dancer.
It's not funny, Q
who goes with that costume anyway.
I mean, who's just like, hey, I know.
I think the most offensive thing is going to a Comic-Con and seeing 9,000 different people dressed up like Harley Quinn with daddy's little monster shirts on.
That to me is offensive in terms of like
getting some fucking creativity.
Like you don't think a million other girls are going to be dressed like that.
Who should they dress as?
Walt, give me a good idea.
A deep pick?
A deep track?
Yeah.
Something that the commoner isn't going to.
Something I would have to be like, hey, who's that?
Squirrel Girl.
Squirrel Girl.
What's wrong with sexy, slutty squirrel girl?
Well,
I didn't say I thought it up.
It's Halloween.
I'll tell you what.
I did see something at Comic-Con that changed my opinion on Riri Williams.
The
character taking over Iron Man.
Oh, okay.
Did you hear about this?
This is probably the little black girl.
The 15-year-old black girl is taking over the role of Iron Man from Tony Stark.
Good.
Now, when I first heard it, I was like, I mean, come on.
I'm like, now.
What's next?
Drayton Green?
I'm like, it's just never going to end.
Like, Marvel is just rolling over and just, like, it's just,
it's just, it didn't even feel sincere to me.
It's like, it almost felt like they were just like, haha, oh, you didn't like Thor as a woman?
You don't like black Captain America?
Suck on this.
Iron Man is now a 15-year-old black girl.
I was like, now they're just telling people to go fuck themselves.
And I respected it on that level.
But then I found out that they were sincere about it.
And I was like, that is fucking so stupid.
Then I saw a woman cosplaying as Riri Williams at Comic-Con.
And I thought to my, and suddenly something clicked to me, Walt.
I was like, you know what?
This girl,
you know, she had big hair.
She was black.
I was like, would never have been able to.
I mean, I guess she could have just dressed like Iron Man if she wanted to.
And I never would have been like, why is that black chick dressed like Iron Man?
She would have had to go as storm.
Or she could have just went as Iron Man, right?
But whatever, let's put that aside.
Like, I was like, you know what?
It is pretty cool.
Like, she jumped on that right away.
Like, she had someone that she looked like.
She had someone that's going to be a major Marvel character.
And she was able to dress exactly like her and get out there.
And I was like, you know what?
Maybe they're, maybe I was wrong about that.
Yeah, you were.
I was.
So I take back.
But it's good that you realize that and you admit it.
I do, because for a longest time, Marvel characters were just for you.
Now they're not just for you.
No.
And it's time you shared them, Q.
And I'm happy to.
I'm happy to share them.
And I'm glad.
And the old Q may have been kicking and screaming and not like, I'm not going to share.
I wouldn't have been.
I would not have bought it.
It's all mine.
I would not have bought her issues of Iron Man.
I would have voted with my dollars.
But 2014, well, 2016, whatever.
Now,
whatever year we're in.
I am going to
support the new Iron Man.
I'm going to support Riri.
I'm there.
But, I mean, you really can't call it Iron Man, then.
No.
That would be.
That's, to me, is a.
She's Iron Girl, right?
Well, Thor, they called Thor Thor.
Well, that, but yeah, but there's no man after that, though.
But Iron Man
is kind of a slam, though.
Like, there's no need to call her Iron Man.
Well, she's Iron Heart.
Oh, that's what they're going to call her?
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
Then it's all good.
So I'm in.
I'm in.
Anyway, this is Halloween.
Yeah, you ready?
Yeah, let's get into it.
Get him.
Don't dress up like a tampon again.
It turns out it's offensive.
He's not allowed to.
Why is that offensive?
I told you.
Would you allow it?
What was that joke you and I had about 10 years ago where I had to put a tampon on?
You had to put a tampon on your face.
What was the joke?
I think it was because
it was during the time that your former fiancé was.
This is like 15 years ago.
Yeah, was mistreating you.
And it just became like that.
It was the last in a long line of insults where she just took her tampon out.
She's like, here, wear this.
And she just stuck it on the side of your face.
You were forced to wear it.
The argument.
The argument that I had with her, and then I slowly fucking wind it down and ended up just wearing it on my face, not even knowing why.
Blocking your vision.
Oh my god, we were dying live.
It was like it took over a whole day of our lives.
It became a whole thing.
We were dying live.
Yeah, I want to thank all the
ringmasters, all the circle masters for supplying the clips in a timely fashion.
And
happy Halloween, right?
Hey, happy Halloween, everybody.
Yes,
happy Hollow Ween.
No, happy, what was it?
Empty overdose.
What was it?
Because it's the new official.
Happy overdose full.
They call it monster because it's over 17 inches.
Snitches, snitches, snitches.
Let me get, let me, let me, let me get, let me, let me get get some of that stinky clam Make make make like sus and eat it like green eggs in ham Got a monster dick called Frankenstein Make all the village hoes wait in line Damn Sunday, you a player.
You let me skip the line when I arrive at slave layer.
Jeff, hang all those bitches.
My dick ain't green and I ain't got no stitches.
Besides only fuck monsters.
Well, I'm a thriller.
A she-devil jimmed out and called a dream killer.
Eat your principal charms so you can play.
Better make hay if you want my dollar-shaped pussy.
I grip like an ijacuzi on a Pepsi.
Howdies make you snore.
I don't give you an ocolepsy.
You say you want a knight in shining armor.
You said a few returns won't make sunkoast go under.
You said you won't go to a strip club to clutter.
Gotta make sure I put on a rubber.
Got a monster dick.
Monster dick.
Monster dick.
I'm gonna suck your pumpkins while I lick your hockey stick.
When I'm slurping and burping on that clip, but who's kidding who?
Your universal monsters legit.
Damn, these bitches got me on the stroll.
Seventeeny tiny dicks is how you roll.
Let those dwarves full of training.
In this hole, you're more full of shit than the Natso Super Bowl.
Praying to the Lord.
But we know you need an MD, and I don't mean die.
Call it monster dicks.
Cause it's such a massive cop.
Grinding on your rock hard one.
Trying so hard not to be a three-punk chunk.
No monster dicks quicker than Sundays.
My cover's blown.
Cause you're just in your meundy.
Gross and affected when you spread.
Gross, you call me chewy when I'm giving your head.
Keep this up, and I won't be your hoe.
And then you'll be stuck coming hand solo.
Got a monster dick.
Monster dick.
Monster dick.
Let's hope the dope is over 17 inches.
And it's thick.
Feed your Prince Charming.
Hung like a horse.
A bad boy, skilled in the art of intercourse.
Trying to fit your fat ass foot in Cinderella's slipper, you're unable.
So your sick ass drops a juice in that glass shoe like a glass tape.
For real, you know I shit in that heel once to be symbolic.
During my performance art interpretation of I sell comics.
Got a monster dicker, monster dicker, monster dicker.
I'ma spread my church shed for your mini golf stick.
Next on my fuck list Igor.
But I've only fucked monsters.
Cause hollies make me snore.
Snore, snore, snore.
I was working in the lab late one night when my eyes beheld an eerie sight.
My monster from a slab began to rise.
And suddenly, to my surprise, he did the mash.
He did the monster mash.
It was a graveyard smash.
It caught on in a flash.
He did the monster mash.
From a laboratory in the castle east.
To the monster bedroom where the vampires feast.
The ghouls all came from their humble abode to get a jolt from my electrode.
They did the monster mash.
It was a graveyard smash.
It caught on in a flash.
He did the monster mash.
The zombies were having fun.
The party had just begun.
The guests included Wolfman, Dracula, and his son.
The scene was rocking, all were digging the sound.
Igor in chains backed by his baying hounds.
The coffin bearers were about to arrive.
With their vocal group, the crypt kickified.
They did the monster mash.
It was a graveyard smash.
It caught on in a flash.
They did the monster mash.
Out from his coffin, Drax's voice did ring.
Seems he was troubled by just one thing.
He opened the lid, it shook his fist, and said, Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist,
it's now the monster mash.
It was a graveyard smash.
It caught on in a flash.
It's now the monster mash.
Now everything's cool, Drax a part of the band.
My monster mash is the hit of the land.
For you, the living, the smash was meant to.
When you get to my door, tell them what it sent you.
Yet you can monster
It was a graveyard smash
It caught on in a flash
Then you can monster mash
good
Go back, get back
All right,
let's get this going.
All right, let me hit the internet.
All right, all right, little
all right, medium.
Let's wake up.
Oh, yeah,
all right,
let's find me some porn.
Here we go.
Little schoolgirl working it.
Young little pussy,
oh shit, shit,
what
what
yeah, I'm getting ready for work.
I'll talk to you later.
All right, bye.
All right, now where was I?
Oh fuck.
Oh my god, that feels good.
Shit, never mind.
Fuck it.
She's too into it.
Um all right, let me find something else.
Um hmm
come on
damn it
Hello
yeah Walt.
Yep.
Yeah yeah I'm getting ready for work right now.
Uh
oh okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah Walt.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll address those stamps.
I'll address those patches when I get to work, yeah?
Nothing, nothing.
I'm just
about to
hop in the shower.
Yeah, everything's fine.
Yeah, everything's fine.
Okay.
Alright.
Alright.
I'll talk to you later.
Bye.
Shit.
Now, where was I?
Let's see.
Schoolgirl.
There we go.
Ooh.
Young schoolgirl
befriends next-door neighbor.
Oh, that'll be good for me.
Oh, yeah,
yeah,
oh, yeah.
All right, okay, enough of the plot.
Let's get to the action.
There we go.
There we go.
Oh, yeah.
Oh,
oh, faster, baby.
Yeah.
Oh, God, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I'm your neighbor.
I'm your neighbor, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, damn.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, God, I'm your neighbor.
Yeah.
Oh, that was good.
has been a production of Smodco Internet Radio, sir, only at Smodcast.com.
