#307: BQ+BM=TLF

Hey guys, this is Sir Dude, letting you know that we are pleased to bring you this brand new edition of Tell Em Steve Dave.

Set aside your video games, forget that you can't math, and if you just got paid want to get laid, this podcast is for you.

Now, tell them Steve Dave.

Not gonna hurt you.

I just want to talk to you.

Just come out and talk.

Recognize this.

This is important.

This is substantial.

Right.

This is a chapter in history that will probably never be repeated.

i i know i can't say it about anybody at the table here

but that's a fact

tell him steve dave hello and welcome to this week's edition of tell him steve dave unfortunately walt Right out of the gate, we've got a name a puss hole of the week.

Puss hole of two weeks, maybe.

That's right.

BQ.

Really?

Yes.

Scheduled to record last Wednesday.

Pulled out.

His schedule was too tight.

Too heavy with obligation.

He's a busy dude, though.

You can't deny that.

Very busy.

He's touring.

He's doing the show.

He's going to Brett Michael concerts.

When I found that out, that's when I knew that we had a puss hole of the week, that he would rather go below Brett Michaels behind

stage, backstage, like a groupie, than uh

come on,

did he get to talk to Brett Michaels?

Uh, I don't know, I don't think he did.

I mean, I don't think he wanted to.

He went with somebody else who, I guess, wanted to, whatever.

So

he, uh, yeah,

Volley Point Brett Michaels.

Not even poison.

It's tough.

He only has

a few free moments in his schedule.

I mean,

Brett Michaels' concert is only going to happen, what,

once, twice in this area, maybe ever again?

I don't know.

You don't think he'll keep touring?

I guess if the demand is there, but I mean.

Well, that 80 shit is back.

People love that stuff, man.

They do.

I feel like moms will bring their kids to Poison and stuff.

Like

when I went to see Poison, I mean, I actually went to see someone else, but Poison opened.

And

there were a lot of moms there with younger girls who I assume were their daughters, you know, trying to be like, hey, this is how we used to rock.

Yeah, I can't imagine

that being a fun evening for

the kid who has to go watch their mom, you know, show them how they rocked in the 80s.

Right.

You know,

yeah, it's

because it's not worthy enough to be like, I got to pass this down.

Is it?

No, but there's such a like if you were the right age at the time, though, there's such a fucking heavy nostalgia factor that you're just like, how can you not think this is awesome?

But, like,

viewed through, you know, the prism of, say, someone who's 30 years to 35 years younger than you.

Yeah, but the but the whole thing of like, well, I want to, I want to have my child experience, and and the child is probably an adult, right?

Almost at this point?

These girls that I saw, they look like they were like maybe 15, 16.

This is years ago.

Still years ago.

I don't, yeah, again, I don't know if it's if it's that worthy of an experience that you want to

that you need to share and and be like look you need to recognize this this is important this is substantial right this is a chapter in history that will probably never be repeated unskinny pop pop

is that one of the poison songs

that's one of their songs yeah

get out your lighters

isn't unskinny pop pop mean something else like i always thought it meant something um tawdry

skinny pop yeah i don't know let's look it up i thought that was about the um the oral

uh i thought it was about banging fat chicks oh really that's that's what i thought

you know uh let's see we'll look it up um

this is this is my go-to az lyrics they always know what's got you so jumpy why can't you sit still Like gasoline, you want to pump me and leave me when you get your fill.

Every time I touch you, honey, you get hot.

I want to make love, you never stop.

Come up for air, you push me to the floor.

Ah, you're right.

It's about oral, right?

Why?

Come up for air, you push me to the floor.

What's been going on in that head of yours?

Unskinny bop just blows me away.

Unuskiny bop all night and day.

Unskinny bop, bop, bop, bop.

She just loves to play.

Unuskinny bop, nothing more to say.

You look at me so funny, love bite, got you acting, oh, so strange.

You got too many bees in your honey.

Am I just another word in your page

every time i touch you honey you get hot blah blah blah blah blah i don't yeah again i've only heard one

one line that that could uh

lead you to believe it was about uh

you know the the sins of uh

some carnal mouth

like gasoline you want to pump me and leave me when you get your fill

what's right what's wrong what's left what the hell is going on?

I love that.

You're saying my love won't do you, but that ain't, but that ain't love written on your face.

Ooh.

Well, honey, I can see right through you.

We'll see who's riding who at the end of this race.

So he's saying

he gave him a facial.

I think it's up to debate.

I wish we had known he was going to act like a fucking little bitch and go to a poison concert.

And he could have asked him about that.

Yeah, he should have gotten

the 411 right from the

unskinny pop, Brett.

Give me the DL.

Is it about fucking fat chicks or getting blown?

Yeah, I don't know.

Somebody out there knows.

Somebody can tell us.

Again, like, there are certain artists that

maybe

merit

you grabbing a young person by the arm and being like, you need,

you need to listen to this.

You need to

at least be have

have witnessed this performance.

I don't know if poison's it, though.

No, probably not.

Unless you're like, I mean, look, they were one of the biggest acts in the 80s.

There's no denying that, right?

But

nothing substantial.

There was no message.

There was no,

it's literally cotton candy.

Yeah.

And there's no, like,

there's nothing there's nothing significant in the in the music

that makes it

important, though.

I'm saying you need to like, or you need to, like, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop what you're doing.

You know,

I don't care if you got school tomorrow.

Right.

In fact, you don't have school tomorrow.

You need to experience this.

You need a life lesson.

You're not going to get a life lesson from going to see poison, so why would you bring your kid there?

Well, maybe you're going to get a life lesson.

What about every rose has its thorn?

We both lie silently, still in the dead of the night, although we both lie close together, we feel miles apart inside.

Was it something I said or something I did?

Did my words not come out right, though I tried to hurt you?

Though I tried, but I guess that's why they say every rose has its thorn.

So, you know, people drifting apart.

Like, that's a life lesson later on.

Right.

But

I'll be honest,

I cannot stand the metal battle, the metal ballad.

It's absolutely the thing that just wanted to, you know, it almost put me off metal.

Heresy.

You don't like the fucking metal fucking

power ballad?

No, I hated it.

I felt it was a pop ballad.

I understand why bands had to do it because they wanted to make money

and they wanted chicks at the arena so it wasn't all dudes just banging their heads.

Right.

But it's

it was the it was the worst of times for me to be a fan of metal and to have these bands just

do power ballads.

I want to put a gun in my mouth.

Okay, you take your poisons, your Cinderellas, your White Lights.

Crew did it with Home Sweet House.

Crew eventually did it, yeah.

And then every, like, we got to have one on every album.

We got to have two.

Just in case one doesn't hit.

I didn't mind Home Sweet Home.

Like, as far as power ballads went, I didn't mind that one too much.

Yeah, but I mean, it's no helter-skelter.

Yeah, but for a guy who's like, you you know, they were flashing devil horns, then they abandoned the devil horns and were like, well, we don't want to be associated with the devil.

Okay, you know what then?

I don't want to be associated with you then anymore.

You know, I don't care about you.

I don't care.

I'm sure Walter J.

Flag.

If you're ashamed of the devil horns.

Can you put this in the mail for me?

If you're ashamed of your past and

the pentagrams that you

were so eager to display on all these albums and associate yourself

with shouting at the devil.

And now you're just going to sing about Home, Sweet Home.

You're not singing to me anymore.

You're singing to a different crowd.

Yeah, you're singing to the girls.

You're singing to the people who are paying.

You're singing

to Q now.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're serenading guys like Q.

You know, as soon as that power ballad came out, man, he knows later.

He loved power ballads, right?

Yeah.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

He's a power ballad playlist guy.

What about you, Game?

You like the Power Ballad?

Not that I like it.

Have you ever

done any kind of activity

with a Power Ballad bed underneath you?

Like some light power ballad to get romantic?

No, no.

Excluding jerking off.

As we have established, there's certain genres of music I've never even heard before.

Really?

Like what?

Well, I remember when we were starting to do the

first lip syncs or karaoke's, like, you know, you're like, how could you never heard this song?

I'm like, I never heard this song.

Oh, he never heard Rod Stewart's.

Tonight's the night.

Oh, my God, really?

It's going to be all right.

And he's like, I never heard this before.

And I was like, the fuck?

How could you have never heard this song before?

Because tonight was never the night.

It was never going to be all right.

Yeah, all right.

You know,

I can only equate it to you as maybe before your time.

I think I mostly was like listening to Casey Case.

Is there like something you would put on, or have you ever, like, you know, I would, or something you hope to put on one day?

You're like, I'd like to try to

do some stuff

while this is playing.

I still remember the music that first.

He's lying to the girl.

Like, he comes in in a robe.

Well, I mean,

I could cut this out, but I won't need anything.

You are doing stuff now, right?

Sometimes, yeah.

Okay, so he's doing stuff now.

Really?

We're not going to get, and I, and I'm going, you've got to be respectful

because you don't want to screw it up on him.

Yeah, he's like, I can't fuck this up.

I'll be back to jerking off the power bellies.

Do you

know, ever put some music on?

Well, I was going to say, I remember the music that was first playing the first time I ever did stuff.

Okay, what was that?

It was Elvis.

What's Elvis' song?

Because she was totally into Elvis.

What was the Elvis song?

I don't remember the exact song.

You don't remember the song?

No, it was like a mix.

She made her own mix of the song.

And that's why I like Oceans Eleven so much.

I hear all that Elvis music.

I mean, how wet.

How wet is the collective 13% or

right now thinking of Giddem making love to Elvis.

On my kitchen floor.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

So, who put the money on?

Well, it's well padded with old newspapers.

No, it was hardwood.

Discarded from the bottom of the water.

We had a blanket down.

Who put the music on?

She did.

So where was the radio?

Or was it a CD player?

Was it a CD player?

I'm sure it was an MB3.

It happened last week.

It was a CD player that was sitting on top of the refrigerator.

Right.

And

she was like, I need to drown out this out.

I need to think of Elvis.

I I think so.

She's like,

this has to be the Elvis.

I want to hear Elvis.

Is that your impersonation of Elvis?

If you know her, yes.

Can we hear that again?

She's like,

I really want to hear Elvis.

You're really going to listen to this CD.

Are you sure you weren't looking in the mirror?

It sounds like you.

You've got to hear the CD.

So you're saying she had a stutter?

No, she was just.

She was nervous?

Okay, she was nervous.

So she had a stutter.

Was it a mixed CD that she had made herself?

She had made it herself.

So this is just right around when CD changed.

I know one.

I know

it may not be a 13% or is wet, but a Q, if he listens to this, it's got to be fucking Rockhard Elvis.

Oh, I know.

Like a real Elvis, yeah.

On the kitchen floor.

And she gave me the CD, but I ended up, I lost it in a car accident.

Really?

Yeah.

This was in my CD changer, and it got mangled in the accident, so there was no way to retrieve the CD.

Wow.

Yeah, irreplaceable.

You can never make that mixed CD again.

Memories.

Well, she made it.

How often did you go back to that CD?

It did not last long, so it just stayed in the same.

If you had it now,

could it do the job on a lonely night?

No.

No.

It just dredges up too many.

Bad memories?

Yeah.

Because there's a reason why I refer to her as the psycho.

Because she.

I'm sure she does the same.

Or she's going, yes, I had to be a psychotic.

Yeah, she's like, I must have been, yeah.

I saved the voicel messages.

I'm not sure where that recording is now, but it's just like, you know,

you know, come out of your house.

I'm not going to hurt you.

I just want to talk to you.

Just come out and talk.

It sounds like.

Just come out and talk.

to the three stooges

no it sounds like um an old-time actor

um let's do it again uh i'm not gonna hurt you just come out and talk i i want to talk to you it sounds like one of the god one of the impersonations that um

that the guy on saturday night live did who dana carvey

um it's he's you're doing an impersonation i can't put my finger on it but it's an old-time actor that dana carvey would do all the time.

Not Jimmy Stewart.

Yes, it's Jimmy Stewart.

Oh, Jimmy Stewart.

Do it again.

You fucked a female equivalent, Jimmy Stewart.

That's hot.

Wow.

Well, revelations.

I can't believe that you can't remember the song, though.

Again, it was.

I want to say so long ago, but what year would this have been?

Because, like, Elvis is certainly not that is certainly not

something that a lot of young people are into.

You know, usually you if you're gonna find you find Elvis later on in life because you know you're more interested in the current

p popular music growing up.

Yeah.

Uh usually uh Elvis has to be uh

introduced and it's certainly not introduced on the radio anymore.

Anybody?

She liked Elvis.

Uh who's the one who used to play the piano?

Like Nora Jones?

Angels?

No, Nora Jones.

Is that

I don't know.

Is that a I think so.

Wait until I saw the song.

Don't know why I didn't come.

That sounds like that would be on your mixtape for her.

Nora Jones, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, so she liked that.

Yeah, I guess she is.

She sold more than 50 million albums worldwide.

Wouldn't you love to just...

I would love to meet Nora Jones and be like, here's a picture of a guy who's rocked puss to your songs.

You think that she's a go-to ever

in the romantic, like in in the bedroom?

Like, let's put some Nora Jones on tonight.

Well, if she sold 50 million ounce, I would say yes.

So she sung a lot of romantic songs?

Did she sing any power ballads?

I think

it was more slower piano-based music, is what I remember.

I don't claim to be a Nora Jones expert.

Well, I'm glad you don't.

Well, let's see.

Let's see what people list as the top power ballads, Walt.

Metal?

Yeah, the top 20 metal power ballads.

Guns and Rome, my sweet child, baby.

Yes.

Wow, this is not one that I would have thought.

It says,

goddamn, these pop-up bullshit ads.

Fade to black.

From Metallica?

Yeah.

I don't consider that a power ballad, you?

Not at all.

It starts off slow.

So that's what they're just trying to do.

They're just trying to give legitimacy to the other fucking to the other corny shit.

Have you ever played fade to black here?

Yeah, I'm sure we have.

Okay, I'm going to do the top tens list because that fucking website sucks.

Beyond the Realms of Dream of Death, Judas Priest, these people also have Fade to Black.

They have Nothing Else Matters.

Come on.

Silent Lucidity,

Cemetery Gates, Pentera.

No way.

A tout le Monde.

These are romantic power ballads.

Yeah, I don't.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm talking about, like, you know, My Sweet Child of Mine.

Every Rose Has Its Thorn.

What would November Marine be considered?

I think November Marine, possibly.

Okay.

I'm familiar with that.

Okay, let's see.

He fucked with that too?

No, no.

No.

He's fucked up every song, yeah.

He's fucked a radio static

stations going in and out.

It's usually the infomercial that's playing in the background.

Yeah.

You fucked with a sham wild guy.

Billy Mays here.

God, Billy Mays here.

Are you getting off to my voice?

I don't know what's going on.

None of these websites are working.

I was on Twitter the other day.

Walt, somebody from Tell Em Steve Dave won $100

on FanDuel.

Really?

How sweet is that?

Yep.

That's a big winner.

People normally lose because they're trying to lose because they want those patches.

Yeah, this person won $100.

So if you're into fantasy football, which

I am not, well, I don't think you are.

But I watch my footballs, though.

You do.

You like football, huh?

You like all sorts of sports.

You don't watch baseball, though, right?

I know the playoff World Series is coming up, but then I'll probably tune in just to see a deciding game of World Series just because the pressure is so intense.

But for the most part, yeah, if baseball, I could do it out.

Yeah.

Is it America's game anymore?

Is it still

football?

Football is now.

Football is America's game.

Foot people live and die by football.

And it's an institution.

I mean, fuck, man.

Super Bowl is a holiday.

The World Series is not a holiday.

Well, because it's the World Series, it's like, okay, so we got to sit through all these different games, like best out of seven.

Right.

I think, right?

That plays in the football.

Fund, it's like it's do or die.

Like, that is the day it's decided.

You don't have to schedule an entire fucking two weeks or, you know?

So, okay, talk about your personal experience playing FanDuel, says the copy, of which I have none.

So, sorry, FanDuel, but that's not going to happen.

Patriots are back.

Tom Brady and Gronk should be a nice connection, don't you think, Walt?

Brady came back, and he, if you picked Brady,

and you were, maybe you were on the fence about picking Brady last week on your fantasy team, you got burned yet again.

That motherfucker is not human.

Tom Brady

is

inhuman.

He came out, he was suspended for four games.

He comes out, granted, it was against Cleveland, which is basically a high school team, but it doesn't matter, man.

He hasn't played in four weeks.

Comes out,

lights him up, throws for all sorts of yardage and for touchdowns.

He is,

I mean, I'm going to say he's the greatest quarterback that's ever fucking thrown a football.

Better than Montana.

Better than

Young Wolf Lagen?

No, better than what's his name.

You're going to say Steve Young.

The guy who

would put my name in the mix.

I've seen you catch footballs, and it's just like

he's throwing footballs.

These guys throw footballs.

These guys are throwing footballs.

He's the guy who used to blow all the time, the religious guy.

Oh, Tebow?

Tebow.

Well, I mean, Tebow saved the life the other day, you know?

Oh, did he?

How's that?

Tell him how to get him.

Mike was telling, but

he laid hands on someone and cured them.

Got them to come back to life.

Of what?

What did he do?

I'm not sure.

All right.

No, it's true.

It's true.

And he's not fucking around.

Okay, so Tebow fucking laid hands on somebody and they came back to life.

Let's fucking

look up this fucking show.

You don't believe?

No, I don't.

I believe that it was reported.

No, it's true.

It was a man with a seizure.

Okay, so the guy came out of the seizure.

Read it again.

Tell us what happened.

Okay, I'll read it from the non-biased Christianpost.com.

September 19th, so this is less than a month ago.

He was signing autographs.

A man collapsed in the stands behind him, and he laid hands on him and prayed for his recovery.

What happened next was nothing short of miraculous.

He put hands on him and says a prayer, and the man breathes.

In another tweet, someone says, I just witnessed a miracle, which is, I guess, the guy coming out of a seizure, which I think happens quite often, right?

Usually requires drugs.

Don't, you see, this is what this is.

This is what they do.

This is what people do.

They want to diminish what just happened.

The miracles

in front of their fucking faces.

They witness them and they're like, it's not a miracle.

No, no, but people here are saying it's a miracle.

I know, I'm talking about you.

Yeah, well, it wasn't in front of my face.

I'm just reading from the Christian Post.

But like, you know what, the sad thing about this all is?

What's that?

Is that there's no fucking fantasy stat for fucking bringing someone back to life.

Because that would have been a fucking 10-beller.

And it would have been

better than what Tom Brady did.

It would have been way better.

You would have been at top of every league you were in.

Not as good as winning the Super Bowl, but still.

Bringing someone back to life, that's pretty damn cool.

Thibaut is signing autographs.

Fan has what looks like a seizure.

He's not moving.

Puts his hands on him and says a prayer.

The man breathes.

Wow.

Do you stop breathing during a seizure?

I thought you just flipped around like a fish out of water.

You seize your body goes like in convulsions, so it sometimes can paralyze the diaphragm.

Don't you

have to stick your finger up your ass or something like that?

No.

What are you talking about?

I thought I read that.

What does that mean to having a seizure?

What's the danger part of your asshole?

I remember when my dog used to have seizures, like they would have to,

you would have to put

a little tiny, not enema, what's this thing, suppository in her ass, and then she would come out of the seizure.

Whose job was that in the house?

I guess probably Pam.

She's a nurse.

Like, I wasn't living there at the time.

I have heard.

I was so annoyed.

If you OD, you're supposed to stick an ice cube up someone's butt.

And a lot of paramedics say they revive that ODC if someone's OD over the

urban legend.

Oh, okay.

And where do you come across an ice cube?

Or you can use Narcan.

It's usually people OD usually in houses.

Can you imagine you wake up from an OD, somebody shoving an ice cube up your ass, you'd be like, what the fuck?

At least you woke up.

Wait a minute, though.

Well,

let's say you don't have an ice cube.

Again, it's an urban legend.

Oh, it's an urban legend.

Yes.

Oh, okay.

Why are you bringing it up in here?

This is, we're talking about a fucking real miracle.

Okay, well, I know, man.

We're not talking about snopes and shit here.

We're talking about fucking honest to go.

Okay, did you see the picture of him laying the hands, Walt?

No.

He's like reaching over a wall, barely touching the guy's leg.

He's like trying to reach him.

And he says, breathe.

And then the fucking dude comes out of it.

Now, do you think...

Because it's a light touch.

It didn't happen.

It hadn't been a full touch.

Yeah, but what does that guy got to do?

What does that guy got to do to get him to get away from him?

Why does he have to touch him, though?

Why can't he just pray for him?

It's called laying of hands for a reason.

Did you stop fucking shouting, man?

You're blowing my ears out, fucko.

But actually, he's right.

It's called laying of hands.

And what does this guy got to do?

What does this guy got to do to fucking finally get all the haters to stop hating?

Will you play a decent fucking game?

The last game he fucking started, he won.

Okay.

Which is a playoff game.

No, that's not true.

He lost to the Patriots after that.

He won that game against Pittsburgh, and then they played the Patriots.

They got fucking blown out.

Okay, so he won a game.

He won a playoff game, not just a game.

Okay, so he won a playoff.

They're in the playoffs already now?

No, no, he doesn't play anymore because he's just been.

He's retired?

Yeah, I mean, he's got.

They can't take his Christianity.

Get out of here.

They can't, man.

It's just, it's too much, they say.

He's too much in people's faces with the God stuff?

Yeah, it's too much of a distraction, so no team wants to take him on.

It's a controversy, just like, you know,

people kneeling during the

Pledge of Allegiance, and he nails the speed.

There's no way, right?

You're fucking around with me.

So players beat the shit out of their wives, and they don't get to spend it.

They don't come out and say that's the reason why.

They'll say the reason why is because he can't throw.

And

there's some

validity to that, but there's a lot of people who are just like, he's just too much of a distraction because he wants to talk about crazy.

Because he's possibly with the Gods stuff.

But not during the game, right?

He just just does.

He's got a lot of stuff.

He does the Tebow stuff.

Yeah, but plus, the reporters can't leave it.

Isn't every fucking asshole who gets fucking like when they do the draft?

Isn't every motherfucker like, well,

I couldn't do this without God.

Yeah,

I think God's not.

Because God gives a fuck if I play football or not.

But we've talked about this.

This is ridiculous.

That's what I'm saying.

So you can't pick Tebow for your fantasy league?

Well, you know what?

The fantasy league that matters, I can.

And I do.

That's God's Fantasy League?

Yes.

Teebo is the Teebo.

Yeah, who's your roster

on the

heavens godly gods?

That's the name of the team.

Come on, man.

Tell them the fucking tell the address what you got.

It's FanDuel.

Yeah, well, join the the Tell'em Steve Dave

FanDuel League if you can.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

It's five bucks.

Yeah.

Lay hands on your computer.

Hopefully it'll work.

Fanduel.com/slash TESD, $5 entry fee.

You could win

$100, 20 times the amount you invested.

I wish I knew the guy's name who won.

He's probably out there partying right now.

Who do you think feels more pure, unadulterated joy?

A guy who wins the Super Bowl or a guy who brings a man back to life?

For me, it would be the Super Bowl.

For Tebow, I'm assuming that now that he's taking credit for a guy just reviving on his own.

A guy wins the Super Bowl, he's going to Disneyland.

Guy brings a man back to life, he's going to the ultimate reward.

No, he's going back to sign an autograph since nobody wants him.

Poor Tebow.

So earlier today, Walt asked you if

Gidem came to you and he's like, I need to be put out of my misery.

Would you have it in you to,

you know, he has some sort of debilitating disease.

I need you to put me down like old yellow.

Do a Kvorkian?

Yeah.

And you said last night and this morning.

So,

have we taken a big dip in performance?

No,

I wouldn't say that.

I don't know if I want to even get into it.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

We had a legitimate

man-to-man

talk, and I think that we put the train back on the tracks.

You had to put on your boss pants, huh?

Did I?

There was a little bit of boss pants in there, but it was also a little bit of like tough love?

No, like friend pants.

Okay, so it is.

One leg was a part, one leg a boss, and the other leg a friend.

Your meundis were your friend, your friend pants, and he had his boss pants on.

I guess, I mean, I won't get into the conversation about it, but I will,

I guess we could tell.

I guess I find, I mean, I wish Q was here because it involves Q.

Oh, my God.

But I get a text last night from Q.

And I'll be honest, I mean,

I don't want to tell the story and diminish my,

because I think it could diminish

my real feelings at that moment.

Because if I tell it here, you know, we'll joke around about it.

Yeah, and

to me, it wasn't a joking matter.

But I get a text from Q last night, and he's like, here, I'll read it to you.

Because I think he wanted to,

whatever you do, don't fucking let people know.

I went to a room like this concert.

Can you let Giddam try and find some keys for me?

He's looking for these skeleton keys.

If he finds them, I can stop looking or overpaying for the ones I do find.

Yeah, he wants these skeleton keys with a Q on them or something.

Yeah, Corbin Q series.

Okay.

And I wrote, which I was perplexed when I got this because I was like, why is he asking me?

Yeah,

why am I being brought into this conversation?

And I wrote, yeah, I mean, he could look tomorrow at some point.

And he goes, thanks, buddy.

He says he knows where to try in Red Bank.

And then I couldn't let it go because I'm like, I'm bothered.

I'm like, why the fuck, again, am I in this conversation?

So I say,

that is not even a group text it's just you and yeah I go is he I go I just write is he blaming me as the reason he hasn't looked for these keys

and he writes back

this is what he sent me

I asked Walt if I could go look for your keys and he said you were on tour this week so it's not important

and I wrote back

Yeah, because he told me on the Wednesday afternoon before Comic-Con that he was going to take time Thursday to go look for these keys when he fucking knows full well that he is the only one working at the stash.

I said he could look for those keys later in the week, as you won't be back for the next two weeks.

That fuck

could come in early and do it, or he could have come in, or he could stay late.

Hell, he was on both days this weekend, and I was off.

He fucking easily could have found the time.

I ain't the fucking reason he hasn't looked for your keys.

So you were a patsy.

I was mad.

You were a patsy in this whole key conspiracy.

And

he's like, I'm looking for the key to Brett Michaels' heart.

And I wrote, one thing you will find out about Giddens if you spend enough time around him, and I have, is he always has an excuse

why it's someone else's fault or someone else's actions that he has not done what was asked of him.

And

I had to get him to talk about it.

So this text that you never should have been involved with in the first place has now got you like hot under the collar at home on your own time.

because because in one instance the only reason it really made me mad was because he's he out of context he told q walt didn't think it was important right

out of context that makes me look like the jerk right like i'm like i'm diminishing something that q is finds important right which wasn't the case i was just saying because he comes to me with that kind of like he wants to do it

like he wants to find the keys for q which is cool but he's telling me as if like

like he's got that nervous energy like i gotta find these keys for Q.

Like it was Kevin who called and who he works for.

Yes.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Then you can defend yourself.

And I'm like, and I can see that kind of like that manic, like, I gotta do this.

And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Calm down.

Tomorrow you're here by yourself.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

It's okay.

You can't, I go, it's not important right now to find those keys for Q because he's not going to be here for two weeks anyway.

Okay?

You're here by yourself tomorrow.

You cannot just go fucking around looking for keys.

Q's gone 40 years without these keys.

and to me, and I had forgotten totally about it.

Now, and I also said to get them, then you could defend yourself.

When you go fucking place your order for surf taco,

go look for the keys.

When you're on your lunch break, come in early.

Stay late.

Do it when I'm not here.

Any number of things other than while you're on the clock and supposed to be working here.

Go ahead, Kim.

Okay, now I didn't say it was for Thursday.

I said I asked he bribe Q texted me.

Q texted me Tuesday night, and I said, I know in my head, I said, there was a place in Red Bank that had a big bucket of keys because I needed them for my house.

I said, okay, I know.

Totally irrelevant to what's going on.

Irrelevant.

It means shit to all to the conversation.

Brian doesn't give a fuck about this five-gallon bucket of keys.

You know a place that potentially might have them in Red Bank.

That's all you need to fucking tell him.

At least you'll tell Brian.

And I said it, I said too much info.

And I said, and when I came up to you, I was like, I go, Friday, I said,

you know, can I go take a look for these keys?

I remember you saying the word Friday.

Potentially, possibly you could.

But all I know is that you got that look on your face and you got that, like, that energy of nervous energy.

Like, I got to go find these keys.

And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Motherfucker, you're here by yourself tomorrow.

That's all you're concerned to me right now.

Making sure that you're here and you're not preoccupied with Q's keys.

Which is why I wanted to go on Friday because both you and Mike would have been here, and that would have been two people covering the store, and I could have scurried away and been gone for 20 minutes or so going to the corner.

Or you could have got here 20 minutes early.

Or say 20 minutes late.

Yeah.

Okay.

Go ahead.

Well, continue.

Well, you know, I've done it on his lunch break, like you said.

Yeah.

What I really usually usually don't take a lunch break.

I come in here, I eat my food.

And have I told you

how many times

on your hand have I said, you don't need to eat in here.

Why don't you go eat somewhere else?

I've actually said, go eat somewhere else.

You don't need to eat behind the counter, haven't I?

And I did, and I tried, one day I came over here and I tried to eat behind the counter, and you came up to me with the phone and you were like, deal with this call.

So what?

If you're going to fucking come in here and I'm going to take a call I don't want to take and you're not going to listen to me and I said go eat somewhere else and you're going to take the call then.

I was eating all the way back here behind the counter.

All the way back here.

Yeah, but it's behind the show counter.

Oh, the show counter.

Behind the counter.

So what?

You can't take the call?

In case we need you.

You just said, well, I'm here in case you need me.

Well, that's so that's what that's.

But don't call me on it.

That's the end of it.

Don't take me up on my that's a necessity because you know Walt doesn't want to take those calls.

Whatever, you know.

Which is why, like I said,

I'm shocked you ever answered the phone, like ever.

It's because I didn't take the phone with me, and I was back here.

So, but that's why I was saying, when there's two people working, so Mike could answer the phone, and I could go run out and get these keys.

And yeah, I will admit, yes, I was psyched because I was like, I can psyched you, I can help you with this problem.

And I'm glad that you can help him.

I'm all for it.

But there is, you got to prioritize.

You don't prioritize, though.

That's one thing that I see as

an observer.

You don't, you have a problem prioritizing what is and what isn't a necessity you seem to want to put everything on the same level and a guy who's not here for two weeks

if you had found the key friday

or you find it before he comes back the day before what two minutes before he gets back what difference would it have made well as we found out from hugh a lot because he's going out searching for these keys and everything which is the kind of impression you're saying he could stop his search if if you found him.

You'll also say, you're wrong.

He doesn't put everything on the same level of priority.

He prioritizes shit that he shouldn't be, like finding keys.

Well, I'm not saying it shouldn't be a priority.

If you could help out

the time that he's working, from the time he gets here till the time he leaves when he's working, yeah, that's not your priority.

And Q would agree with that, I'm sure.

But I was saying, like,

I would go try to take a lunch, and Q was like,

well, you know, tell Walt it's for me.

He should be happy with me this week.

And so that's why.

Q said he should be happy with me this week?

Yeah.

I wonder why I said that.

I would have no, I would have no idea what I was doing.

This was this last week or this was this was the fourth.

The fourth, okay.

Yeah, I would have, I would, I don't know.

And he's like, I knew you're the right man.

It comes through.

And what happened today, you know?

So he's buttering you up.

So what did I say today?

What?

We resolved this, and I was like...

Go look for the keys.

Go place in your order.

Go look for the keys.

Go do it.

Take care of it.

Go see if you can get it done.

And what happened?

Well, it turns out the guy died a year and a half ago or a year ago.

And

the guy was like, he goes, oh, yeah, you had a five-gallon bucket of keys.

And he's like, he goes, we don't have any that'll fit that series anymore.

Well, what is this?

Now I'm curious because I saw it the other day, and now I see him.

And evidently, they're hard to find.

He was like, he was on eBay and showing.

What is a Corbin skeleton key?

Corbin, it's a Corbin is the priest.

This looks like an old-fashioned key.

It's like a regular skeleton key, but each series was cut differently here.

So it fits into the lock differently.

So the Corbin keys have a notch in it.

What numbers does he need?

Maybe putting it out right now, we can end this quest for

instead of eulogizing the fucking cut a year and a half ago.

That's what got me

talking to Q is because Q posted.

He's suttering just as much as that girl gets fucked out of a shit.

Are you sure you aren't looking in the mirror masturbating?

Q posted on Twitter that he was looking for these keys now to his Twitter audience.

Oh, he's probably now, okay.

So people were tagging me in the thing saying, oh, get him, you should try to help him look for these keys.

And so I, and I said, I miss, I misstated, you know, it wasn't the intention of how I meant to state it.

But I wanted to let Q know that

I was still interested in looking for the keys, and I didn't abandon him.

You didn't set up that as kind of the fall guy.

But again, and

I'm going to hold my tongue and not do to you what you did to me.

I'm not going to throw you under the bus.

He has his boss shorts on right now, not his full pants.

But you went and you looked.

You didn't succeed.

So what are the numbers that if anybody out there listening may have that they could send to the stash?

I believe it's Q3 through Q23.

If you, anybody out there, if they have any extra ones floating around,

I got like six in my bag.

I'll just give them to them.

Do you?

I didn't even know what it was.

But like I said, this is the place I was.

He does need it to fit a certain lock that he has?

Yeah, but he's not sure which key goes into which lock.

Yeah, I'm not sure what he meant by I should be happy with him this week.

I'm always happy with him.

I'm never unhappy with him.

Maybe the vinyl?

Yeah, I don't know.

I've never been unhappy.

I can never say, you know, I can't say that about a lot of people.

When I think about it now.

Pretty much it's me.

I know I can't say it about anybody at the table here.

That's a fact.

I'll tell you what.

Unlike Giddam, I will take responsibility and look back at the times you were unhappy with me and be like, of course, why wouldn't he be?

Yeah,

he did today, too, in his defense.

And

he also told me something that

I personally have to adhere to, is that he told me flat out, if you tell me explicitly what you want,

I could do anything.

And maybe I haven't been doing that.

So today we had a conversation and and I was like, please don't have me afraid to speak openly in front of you that you will then go back and tell people what I may have said out of context.

So now we've got that out of the way.

And you're not going to do that anymore, right?

No.

Okay.

But like I said, I've said that.

And I could out of context, me saying

that's not important.

That makes it sound accused.

I was just like, fuck him in his keys.

He's not important.

Who do they fucking think he is?

And I understand where you were coming from and that it's not important and that it was he's out on vacation.

If he wasn't actually like when he's out there looking in antique shops, it doesn't matter.

It's true if it doesn't get him a two seconds before it comes out or a day after.

But now that we've went over the thing, I think we went over a lot this morning when I got in, and I'm expecting

bigger and better.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So you don't like the type of employee that you can just assume won't

go and say things out of context to other people.

Or like a guy where you're like, well, I shouldn't have, you know, like the kind of employee that's like, wow, they did it on their own.

Like, I didn't even have to say it.

Like, in regard to anything.

I think everybody would like that.

He needs direction then.

And I don't think, I'm not saying he needs direction

where I have to, like, okay,

you can exhale now.

I'm just saying that like

I think I need to be more explicit.

And I was like,

this is what I'm hoping you'll do.

And now that I've told him, I think that

we're hopefully on the same wavelength.

I mean, I do try to do stuff without you prompting me to do it.

Like, when I come in in the morning, something's sold on eBay the night before, it's usually sitting here.

Very good.

And

I feel like I tell you when I'm happy.

Right?

And I'm like, oh, good.

You did that.

If it ever happened, yes, I think you would tell me.

Oh,

really?

That's a self-depression.

I'm not.

I said, tell me explicitly the jokes you want me to make.

Those are the jokes I'll make.

Only the ones at your own expense, Gary.

But no,

but again, no, and maybe

you were off two days, too, though.

Did you look for any of the keys while you were off for the last 48 hours?

No, because I just, I was.

You were too busy grieving the key guy.

Which I didn't know how until today.

I felt bad.

But there, that that's that.

You felt bad that the key guy died?

The guy you don't even know?

I met him once when I bought keys off of him.

How many years ago?

Like three, four years ago.

How long ago was this interaction?

I had to go through a bunch of keys, so probably like 10, 15 minutes.

Wow.

And you felt bad?

Well, you know, the guy told me his wife died first, and then he died, so it was like, okay, it's...

Did you say, well, what happened to the gallon of key, the five-gallon jug of keys?

Did you ask what happened to that?

No, I didn't.

I thought that would be a little too.

Like, I have a friend, Brian, who will be super interested.

He's on TV.

Oh, yeah, well, yeah.

This is the most important thing.

I got to tell him a story about this five-gallon bucket of keys.

I mean,

talk about minds being blown.

Yeah,

he, in a lot of ways, is also like he likes to give way more information that's needed.

A lot of people

that I deal with on a daily basis do that.

Yeah, nobody can get to the point.

Yeah.

A lot of fat, not a lot of fucking filet money on.

We have a lot of gristle working at this store.

Mike just finished a story he started two weeks ago.

Yeah, there are no direct routes to the secret stash.

There are fucking, like, the scenic route is always the route most preferred.

Right.

It's like Billy and Jeff from Family Circus are the most circuitous fucking route possible.

Like, it took me two or three minutes.

I had to explain to Mike, my quote-unquote sister came in today.

Listen to this.

Yeah, see, I'm downstairs in the basement.

He goes, I need to get a Harley Quinn plush.

I just sold one.

And I go, okay.

And I don't want any more information.

But he feels to my sister.

First off, why do you even need to know that that's what he needs to get?

Like, why not just go down there and get it and bring it back?

It's not even worth mentioning, right?

I wasn't sure where they were.

So then, of course, I'm like,

You have a sister?

And he goes, She was here and you didn't introduce us, right?

And he goes, Well, I introduced her to Mike.

He didn't want to introduce me.

He did not want to introduce his sister to me.

That's obvious,

which is okay.

You've seen her.

I'm almost like, you know, I don't give a fuck.

I don't care.

My god, I was in the basement.

Like a female female version of Giddam telling some long-winded story.

I come up and be like, oh, nice to meet you.

Do you like elves?

It's a horrified look, the realization.

Yeah, just clicked it like, oh.

Oh, shit!

But then it turns out, though, it wouldn't be what you're thinking because,

again,

the scenic route is it's not really his sister.

Okay.

So explain this to Brian.

Many years ago,

I used to go hang out with him.

You can't see Brian's face.

He's just like, oh, God.

Let's do it.

All day long, this is shit like this.

But explain to her why you call this person your sister.

Because

a friend of my ex's sister had a friend, and we used to hang out at a Free Old Raceway Mall, but she was young, so like her grandmother would come drop her off.

I'm lost already.

Okay, so her grandmother would come drop her off.

And she didn't want her, like, hanging out with, like, anybody, anybody else, like, you know, guy-wise or anything.

Just you?

Oh, my God.

No, no.

So she wasn't telling her who she was there to hang out with.

She would usually say, I'm going to hang out with my friend Liz.

And one day her grandmother

stayed at the mall.

And she's like, Look, if we're walking around and my grandmother walks up, you got to tell her that you're my friend Liz's brother.

So I was like, okay.

So we finally run into Liz, and I run up to her and I just grab her and I go, Sis,

and she was like, so freaked out.

She's like, who's this guy hugging me?

And ever since then, we wait, so you didn't know Liz?

No, I did not know Liz before this point.

Now, this

prompts

him

coming downstairs and without any kind of like,

haha like i just sold uh like so like so matter of fact i just sold uh that harley quinn to my sister and joker and joker to my sister right and he wants the fucking he wants you to be like you have a sister yes yeah and that's that's the

hell

that i've i've made for myself now yeah like because he doesn't have the process of like hey there's this girl this is the experience that i had with her let me run through it all right why would he give a fuck

let me just go get the Harley quid and not mention who I'm selling it to at all.

And it's so far not, like, it's not even.

When's the last time you saw her?

Last year when she was out here.

Her and her husband.

And does she remember the joke that you're her brother?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Do you guys, she loves it?

Yeah.

Titty, yeah.

I actually, and I also married her and her husband.

Did my?

Oh, really?

Did you know that he's an

ordained minister?

Yeah, I did.

Yeah, yeah.

You baptized someone, right?

Oh, yeah, baptized me.

Maybe, yes.

Speaking of which,

just a heads up,

he baptized Ming on

last year's Christmas episode.

And we discussed Christmas episode, this year's Christmas episode.

It's back to

all holly jolly action.

Yeah,

it's like it's going to be the verbal equivalent

of being assaulted with a candy cane, right?

Christmasly.

Christmas, like you're going to be assaulted with Christmas.

There is going to be so much Christmas content.

I was wondering where you were going with that for a second.

You're like, there's going to be so much Christmas content that it's going to be, we're going to be cramped, opening your mouth, and we're going to shove it down your throat until you vomit.

There's just so much Christmas content, right?

Yeah.

You'll have to have your stomach pumped.

Yeah, there will be a lot of ER visits

due to overdose of Christmas shit.

Santa,

Elves,

Rudolph.

Christmas games.

I mean, special Christmas guests.

Oh, big guests.

Big guests.

A big get.

One we've wanted for years.

And

sealed, signed, and delivered.

Yep.

It's a guarantee.

Don't open until next time, though.

Yeah, yeah.

It's a luck.

So, you know,

I understand that people were unhappy with last year's, and, you know, the sales reflected that, but this year we're back.

And this is an important Christmas episode because

if it does as well or as poorly as last year's,

maybe we should just abandon the.

Maybe take down the stockings and

this would be the sixth year, I think.

Okay.

I think it may be time to be like, you know, hey, man,

it was fun while it lasted, but no more Christmas this year.

Even last year, though, I mean, sales were strong.

I mean, they weren't that bad, but

sales were strong enough, though.

The word of mouth mouth was what killed it.

I'm so happy that the ants were would well are able to go online in this

day and age and warn other ants of

how poorly or how great an episode is.

Yeah.

Well, but in contrast, the vinylcast 2 was very well received.

That was.

Few things

raised my meter at all in terms of being happy, but seeing the positive response that people liked it as much as they did, that was that was cool.

That makes you that does uh affect your mood in a in a good way, yeah.

In a positive, yeah, in a positive way.

That's awesome.

I like to hear that, yeah.

And then the next day came, and it was back to the next day, or just say, or, or, or the, uh, or the moment you turned a corner on, and uh, yeah, as soon as I like shut the computer down, I was like, fuck everything.

Here's a sponsor, Walt.

Initially, I said no, this is over a year ago.

Our ad guy approached us with Loot Crate, and I was like, who would want this stuff?

That's why I'm not a rich man.

We really should have our ad guy not asking you about what ads we should do.

Strangely enough, this is the only one that I was just like, nah, aside from like porn stuff, like weird shit that I'm like, this is not stuff.

I agree with that.

But yeah, Loot Crate is pretty fucking popular, man.

You were right the on on saying no to the porn ones i i i'm gonna i'm gonna have to if i'm gonna be honest and blunt

real bad calls off the mark on luke crate yeah they are super popular and that is so fucking good when it comes

it really

it really is just like how are they getting such cool shit and and you get such a good price

well it doesn't even matter it's like the the the licenses the items it's like

it's like not it's like the hottest

tie-in to something.

They're going to have it.

Like we have the Futurama ship that I wanted.

That thing was amazingly detailed for the size and everything.

What was the

one they had the Eleanor from Gone in 60 Seconds?

And they had a hood ornament for your car.

It was either the Flash or the Green Arrow, I believe it was.

That's right.

Done like in the style of the 20s.

They got the insanely cool.

Last month, I got this insanely cool Harley Quinn statue.

Yep.

The Millenni statue.

Does anybody buy that on eBay?

Because I got one too.

But we shouldn't be talking about flipping Luke Crate stuff on eBay while we're trying to push it up.

No, I could have sell it anyway.

Sage immediately opened it.

Sage loves that shit.

The second it comes in, she goes through that box.

She's like, here, take your 2x shirt, Fatty.

And she takes all the rest of the stuff.

But what also you could do, I mean, like, if you, let's say you just want to use Luke Crate as an investment.

You could invest in a year in Luke Crate, put them to the side, and a couple years from now, pop them up on eBay.

You know, they're going to go for three, sometimes four times what you paid for them, depending on what was in that particular box.

Yeah, because the box isn't really that.

Who keeps opening that door?

They keep opening and peeking in.

The.

Hi.

Can I take a picture with the bunny Christ real quick?

Sure, why not?

Well, how could you turn this person down?

Hurry up.

Yeah, we're busy doing important stuff here.

You ever hear a loot crate?

Yes.

Do you love it?

I actually have a shirt on from one right now.

There you go, a loot crate shirt.

Wow, somebody's wearing a loot crate shirt while we're doing a loot crate ad.

Who would have thought, man?

That shows you

how wrong I was.

I mean, again, just another example of how wrong you were.

Yeah.

Where are you going to sign up for loot crate?

Okay, you girls, listen to this if you want some loot crate.

lootcrate.com slash t-e-s-d and you're going to get 10% off.

How sweet is that?

I got a little criticism for Luke Crate, though.

Like, last month they put this

Batman, like, Bat Plane keychain in or something.

It was so fucking sharp, like, the wings,

I had to take it off my keychain.

It was covered.

You were actually using it.

You actually utilizing it, Lou Crate.

Some of the stuff, yeah.

Well, the shirts always.

And I do judge people for wearing them in public, though.

So, yeah, you go to Luke Crate that has

October.

Hard.

Taking over 40 years of creepy, campy, bloody icons, putting them in this month's crate.

See, that's for me.

See, that I'm into.

Channel your best final girl with items from The Walking Dead, Nightmare in Elm Street, Friday 13th, Texas Chainsaw Masker, and Halloween.

You have until the 19th at 9 p.m.

Pacific time to subscribe and get the October one.

And it says Boo for some reason at the end of the Ed.

I guess you know, Halloween.

Yeah.

I thought they were like Boo, like they're signing off.

See you later, Boo.

Boo Yah.

Yeah, like Boo Yakasha.

No.

Yeah, so go to Loot Crate if you want that stuff that I thought initially was dumb, but turns out it's not.

What were we talking about?

But before that, we were talking about.

Oh, your sister.

Yes.

And Christmas.

I don't know why we were talking about it.

Well, how'd that get into the

she's married by you.

Now, how many marriages have you performed?

I believe I'm the three.

How many of them are still together?

All of them, as far as I know.

The one with my sister is a little on the rocks, from what I understand.

Oh, yeah, you found out today?

No, it's just been, you know.

You found out about that hug back in the day.

It's just been rocky.

It's just been rocky.

Do you, as a minister, are you able to counsel if people are having issues?

I guess if I would, I would have that.

It would have to be a lot of people.

Bring them both in and let's go ahead and

can we do, like, can you ask Twitter?

Maybe would you would you be comfortable counseling

couples?

So now, since you are in a relationship now,

you're never, ever you've been in a better space than to give advice onto people who are having problems.

If I could have both parties present,

I wouldn't be.

You couldn't just do it if someone tweeted you some couple of times.

No, because then you only get one side of the story, and you know

it's tough when you only hear one side of the story.

You got to hear both sides of the story

and then find where the truth is in between.

And what and like, let's say

they were having issues.

Let's say they were just like, you know,

she or he, I don't want to be sexist.

Like, every rose has a hell.

And they were like, you know, I want to do certain things that my partner won't do behind closed doors.

It's causing a lot of problems.

How would you counsel them?

First, I'm suggesting Elmas.

No, say one of the the partners is like, I've heard of this

activity, stooling.

Let's say it's more normal.

Let's say it's more,

well, not that

nothing is more abnormal than that.

Let's say it's more,

I don't know, let's just say it's like

tie him or her up.

They want to like with a scarf.

I guess that is now has become

accepted as a.

Thanks to Fatisha Gray.

And they're like, and I don't, I'm not into that.

And it's causing me to think I may need to.

Well, you got to find out the base reason why they don't want to be restrained.

I mean, it's actually being restrained is very powerful.

You're the one in power, especially if you're, you know, you go with the whole.

Can you shake the table in your mic more?

You're not doing it enough.

Well, I think that's because he's getting hot and bothered.

Yeah, I know.

He's thinking about restraining people.

Have you ever had to counsel anybody as a minister?

No, not in a ministerial sense.

Why have you abandoned a lot of your minister duties?

Just because it.

What did you say all?

Well, he did perform that.

What was it called?

Were we doing a Ming again?

Baptism.

He did do the baptism less than a year ago.

Have you followed up and making sure that Ming is still on the path?

He's on a path.

It's just nowhere towards his home.

I would love that, man.

You know, like, because when you go,

you know, like in

traditionally Catholicism, you know, like you go to a, if you go to a priest, you're like, hey, we're having problems.

And it's like, divorce isn't an option.

You're not supposed to get divorced.

I mean, obviously, people do.

But, you know, as opposed to a priest, I would love to see a couple

get them.

And not even necessarily the ones you marry, but just a couple that's going through some problems.

Be like, get them, here's what's going on.

And just an hour therapy session, couples therapy to see like.

I don't think it would be as

batshit crazy as you think it may be.

No, I think he actually,

just by his thought process there,

it may actually be sound advice.

You think?

Yeah, I do think that he would hearing, like he said, immediately he was like, I need to hear both sides.

That says a lot about a person already.

Oh, fucking, come on.

Come on, bro.

You're a minister, too.

You're a minister, too.

And you're not leaning towards

preconceived

feelings

right off the bat.

Of course I'm like, it's her fault.

That's what I'm saying.

So yeah, so like he immediately was like,

I want to hear both sides.

He immediately

saw the

significance of being bound.

Right.

You know, so I don't think he'd be that,

like I said, batshit crazy a person to counsel somebody on.

Well, then it becomes an issue of trust, right?

I would be like, so what, you know, trust him or her, depending on who wants to do the bounding?

Well, it could be in other things like past

injuries, not injuries, I'm thinking of, past instances that, you know, maybe they were restrained as a child and it's just, you know, it causes flashbacks, it triggers them, right?

And you hate the word triggers, but that's an act legitimate trigger I would find.

All right.

You know?

So let's say it's not being bound.

Let's find one that's more like pedestrian.

Yeah, pedestrian.

Let's say I want to watch Monday Night Football.

I get not me, but let's say the person comes and I can watch Monday night football and

let's say you know, like a guy comes and he's like, I just want to watch football.

And I get a lot of

heat.

I get static.

What does she want him to do instead of watching football?

Yeah, she wants him to,

I don't know, go play Bridge.

Like, yeah, she wants to go do some sort of couples activity on Monday.

Yeah.

Bridge, what fucking decade are we in?

I was watching Mama's Family last night.

Well, yeah, let's say, yeah, like, oh, I want to go visit my friend and

her husband, and we're, you know, we'll do whatever.

And like the friend, like, the husband who wants to watch football is not really friends with the other one.

It's just by proxy that they would even be in the same room.

If I'm going to hang out with somebody, you'll hardly know.

Is there a solution?

You'd find out why it was important that they have to meet on just this Monday night during this certain time frame of the week.

I mean, is she doing it to exert some kind of power or she's feeling she doesn't have control in the relationships?

But no, this is how she's like almost a passive-aggressive thing of, I know you enjoy this, so I'm going to set up a date at this point in time.

So Monday's the only day they can do it.

Okay, well,

is there anything why can't he, is there a problem with him DVRing it and watching it later?

Who wants to do that, right?

You do that only under.

I give y'all a lot of sporting events, but I guess he's like one of the things that I'm doing.

He's just like, I work all day.

He's like, I just want to come home, kick back.

It's nine o'clock at night.

Is this a Dunstan problem or just a one-off?

A one-off, it's understandable.

Now, she's every Monday night planning activities.

Well, let's say this was the tipping point.

Maybe not just football, but it's like, I don't want to do this.

I don't want to do all this crap with your friends.

Like, you do stuff with your friends.

I don't want to be involved.

Leave me alone.

I don't want to go to all these baptisms and kids' parties and

every relationship is give and take.

It can't all be on one side because then it's like a seesaw.

It's not fun when it's just all on one side.

You have to give and you have to take.

Now,

that mindset, are you bringing that to the table in your new relationship?

Yeah, he gives her money, she takes it.

Are you that like

thoughtful and

so

in tune?

Because it sounds like you are a fucking catch.

If you're living by what you're preaching right now,

deacon,

you,

your lady, has got to be like,

I got to fucking tie this guy down.

I got to get a ring.

Despite if it triggers him or not

well yet another ring i would have to say yeah you are kind of like ebigamus right

uh well i mean i think that one you know um

yeah that's also yeah i mean i'm sure a lot of listeners were like

about a half hour ago when we announced though that you know you're you're you're married but you're

you know you are married for the sake of the show it's a it's a it's a it's a sham wedding we let's call it like what it is.

It's not a real marriage.

Well, Giddam

told me that she came in this weekend and bought some stuff.

No, she didn't buy anything.

She came up to get her.

Oh, she came in to get her free stuff.

Yeah, that's right.

Did she buy anything, or did she just take the album?

Oh, boy.

Fucking termite.

No, she deserves

all that's coming to her.

Yeah.

A lifetime supply of Tell'em Steve Dave merch

without any kind of if any jokes I make at um are that are just that jokes I am so happy that her

and the other contestant were were able to allow us to play that and make 300 so special

I am more than willing and I am so happy to give

Ashley

what she was promised that that that's not a joke she deserves that and I I

I can't thank her enough and and the other contestant as well and she and she deserves it, and

she earned them.

She did.

My point being, though, that they took a picture together.

Yeah.

They're hugging

like you would hug someone who has Ebola.

The body language is unbelievable.

Well, I mean, she's a woman.

She picks up on the fact that.

She's like, I heard your cheat.

Yeah.

She's

future.

She can understand that

he's involved with somebody else.

and it's unfortunate that it's not not unfortunate, that's the wrong choice of words, but it's just not going to work out.

You met someone, you got married for the sake of, not for the sake, but you did it in the name of fun and for the Talm Steve Dave,

which is fine.

I'm sure she did too.

But

it doesn't change the fact that you're still legally married and you're going to have to fucking

figure out some way.

You're going to have to address this going forward that you need to get that taken care of.

Should he be arrested for this?

No.

If we take Sal out, that'll solve every problem.

Take him out?

Yeah.

What do you mean, kill him?

Kill him?

I don't know.

No witnesses.

No, you just go in and get it.

You go, you just start the paperwork to get an annulment or something.

Now, that doesn't change Ashley's

winnings, right?

Well, you're the rulemaker.

I know.

I'm not trying to find a loophole here, but I mean, if I was a dickhead.

Right.

You would arbitrarily change the rules in the middle of it.

No, but no, if I was a dickhead and you guys did get an annulment and it didn't happen, would I be withholding to keep my end of the bargain?

I mean, not that, I mean, I still am, because that's the kind of person I am.

But I,

you know,

humanitarian.

But could I, could I, could there be any kind of, could I have any kind of footing to say, well, I think legally, if it went to court, which would be fucking amazing.

Judge Deutie.

Yeah.

they would have to examine the speech like on the podcast where like were there any caveats where it's like well if you get divorced or if it's annulled or whatever

you still yeah and you know what we don't have to worry about that we don't have to bring those fucking lawyers the scum of the earth into this

i would love to hear a court reporter just do a dry reading of that

transcript don't i know you're probably nervous right now that i you know that i'm trying to back out or tell them C.

Dave is trying to back out, but don't worry.

You know what?

The next item coming down the pike for you, Ashley?

The next free item will probably be the Christmas episode.

And maybe, and maybe, I don't think

there might be something.

Maybe another piece of merch before Christmas is out.

It doesn't matter when it comes out, Ashley.

It's yours.

It's yours.

You can count on it.

Just

wait by the mail.

I do like the fact that you came down in person and saved me the shipping on that.

I will admit

it.

I will admit that I was very impressed by that.

So thank you.

Something I wanted to talk about last week, Walt, and we didn't get to.

And Giddam, I'm glad you're here because

you play into this, is this latest

the clowns

pranking people.

Which I don't know if it's more of urban myth, if it's as big of a problem.

It's nationwide, right?

That's what they say.

They're saying, like, some girl got a text from someone saying that they were a clown and they were going to get her or whatever.

People dressing up as clowns walking down the street, which I don't think is illegal, right?

No.

It all depends.

If you gather, some places, if you gather more than two people and you're on masks, that's illegal.

Some of the real clowns are paying the price.

I imagine.

I mean, can you imagine, like, you have the

you already have the stigma of being a clown, which people are freaked out already for the most part.

Also, the stigma of like, you know, you've got to go into social settings and be like, oh, what do you do for a living?

I'm a clown.

Not a clown?

Now there comes with even more stigma attached.

Now you're telling people you're a comic book store.

Now they think, not only do they think that you're a loser

for that's your job being a clown, but now they think that you're also a creep.

Well, they probably already had that John Lane Gacy Association.

Oh, so that probably already were the creep connotation was already there.

It was always there.

Yeah, I think it's

a lot of people.

I don't know if it's.

Was that harsh to say that they're a loser?

Because I don't want to.

Do you think anybody who listens to the show is a clown?

No.

I mean, maybe.

I mean, I'm no winner.

I work in a conflict store, and I've always been ashamed to tell people in a social setting I work in a fucking complex store.

So,

me and any clowns, we could fit in that little clown car together.

I'd definitely fit in the back seat

with my face stuck up against a clown's ass.

You're trying to win back the clown contingent now by pandering to them.

I'm worse than you.

I am.

At least you get to dress up and make kids laugh.

Right, or cry.

Yeah, I'll tell you what, like when I drop it.

On the ladder, I'm definitely below a clown.

I don't think most people would agree with that.

Only because,

only because I work at Kevin Smith's store.

You You work at one of the most famous stores, if not the most famous comic book store on earth, and you're on TV.

I think a lot of clowns are like, wish I was him.

But let's be honest.

Even Bella's saying that.

He knows Q better than I do.

But let's be honest.

You know that if I was working at

Comics Plus, God rest their soul,

I would be worse, I would be looked upon as in a worse position

than a clown.

And clowns do some fucking great shit.

I mean, how many people walk into a store and like they're measuring the person's level of success or likability next to a clown?

On the scale of like total asshole to clown, which you're now like fucking deifying for whatever reason.

Because I spoke out of turn.

Because I forgot to weigh in that like clowns will fucking distract two-ton beasts so they don't fucking gorge

rodeo riders.

Right?

Clowns.

Clowns go to fucking hospitals where sick kids are and make them laugh.

What have I fucking ever done?

for a sick kid.

Right.

You've never done like a patch Adams, put on a clown nose, go over.

You're within two blocks.

We have a clown nose behind the counter.

Right.

And I've had never, and

look at that.

And what a piece of shit that I am that I would fucking disparage a clown.

And I've never put that clown nose on and walked around the block to the hospital and tried to make a kid laugh.

You never walked a mile in those clown shoes?

Okay, on the off chance that you're allowed into the kids' ward just

dressed in street clothes, but just with a clown nose on.

No, but

I definitely was out of line with that clown comment.

Do a lot of clowns go to to hospitals?

Well, you know what I mean.

Clowns do a lot of charity work.

I can't believe you leave that wire in your face the entire time.

It's so weird that it doesn't, like, it's right in your head.

What wears a headset.

He doesn't talk into

the mic.

And like the wire for the headset is literally running down like the right side of your face, touching the the side of your nose.

Yeah, like the bridge of your face.

And almost like the side of your mouth.

Yeah.

It's so weird.

It just doesn't bother you, huh?

I swear I read a study that most kids do not like clowns, and that's why they m go more towards the superheroes visiting

hospitals.

Wait, are you saying superheroes are more popular than clowns in today's society?

Are you sure you're willing to go out on that note?

Yes, I'm saying in

children's hospitals.

Anywhere.

I'm trying to win back the clown.

Okay, sorry.

The clown listener base.

I don't know if there are any, but if there are, I do want to apologize for that.

That I said that they're losers because that's

I'm the loser here.

It's a little I mean, I don't know.

I knew it's at a comic book store.

He's a lose.

Thank you.

And since he's my boss, I'm technically even lower than he is.

Yeah.

Come on, man.

Be real.

So, what's going on at least I'm not a clown, but it's a reality.

Be real for a minute.

Kevin Smith's not attached to this store.

Well, we're not sitting here having this conversation.

Right.

But, like, or are we, let's say, let's say I did, I opened up a comic book store.

It's seen through a much different lens.

Oh, sure, absolutely.

But this is the reality.

It is what it is.

Yeah.

I mean, why

I don't get the rodeo clown idolatry.

I mean, these are not people that...

These are not the type of clowns that are like, hey, let me make people laugh, right?

Well, they'll just,

in between, people, they perform.

They do their clown shit.

Yeah.

They do like the bull poker where they play poker while the bull's running around and they got to stay at the table long.

But it always has to have something to do with the bull.

No.

No.

When there's downtime and there's not a fucking beast running around

trying to be broke.

They're molesting a child in a fucking darkened corner.

Oh, no.

Oh, come on.

Come on, bro.

All that work you just thought of.

Come on, man.

You don't know if there's any clowns who listen to Tom Steve, Dave.

No, I'm sure they're on the up and ups, too.

Yeah, that's not cool.

Yeah.

Okay, so I want to distance myself from that.

Clowns?

All right, yeah, I'll take responsibility for that fucking joke.

He's an anti-clown type.

Yeah.

And they're dealing with a lot now because, like you say, the story you're about to read, like they're public enemy number one now.

It's fucking, it's clowns, then ISIS now.

Right, yeah.

The only way ISIS could regain their number one position is if they dressed as clowns

and then blew themselves up incredible.

Or beheaded somebody.

If they dressed as clowns and then beheaded journalists

or try to with a fucking with a with a balloon sword

instead of a fucking suicide vest they have like a seltzer vest

so so the the clown thing i guess some people are like getting in on it just to like, you know,

you know, it becomes.

It's one of those fads.

It's a fad like in a couple weeks no one's dressing as a clown.

But it would appear that vigilantes are fighting back.

Oh, wow.

This is a story from

theson.co.uk.

Oh, so it's even reached over in the pond?

Oh, it's worldwide, dude.

The clown phenomenon?

Killer clowns are being warned to be on their guard.

Oh, they're not killer clowns.

They're clowns.

I guess I think they're dressing as killer clowns.

They're killing outer space.

They're dressed as killer clowns.

Police forces in the UK.

Now, UK people, you can tell me if the Sun is a reliable source.

I don't know if it is or not.

I think it's better than the Daily Mail.

The UK, the USA, and Australia have been deluded with reports of attacks on clowns as the public has finally said, enough is enough.

There's vigilante groups who want to stamp out the craze.

Now,

the number of fucking criminals out there perpetrating crimes

that are way worse than dressing as a clown to scare a kid.

They're not going to do anything to them.

Let's see the vigilantes go down into London.

In the UK,

they're pretty thorough in their fucking curb stomp and shit.

They will fuck you up.

Yeah.

They fuck you up for rooting for the wrong soccer team.

Imagine that you're imagining they're all liquored up and looking for clowns.

If you cheer for the wrong soccer team, you're guaranteed to be disfigured.

Yeah, so you're dressed as a clown.

What chance do you have?

But yeah, like I want to see some of these vigilante groups be like, hey, man, the Latin kings are selling drugs on my corner.

Let me go get them.

They've told how the groups want to stamp out the craze.

They want to hunt down clowns and keep the streets safe.

As a number of people have reported being terrified by clowns holding weapons in public.

Fake weapons, right?

I guess.

This is the moment a man films himself battering a baseball bat-wielding clown.

Okay, so here's a video.

This is in Australia.

Wow, it's on all the continents, huh?

Oh, come on, goddamn stupid ad.

Alright, you're gonna have to sit through an ad of

some fucking battery type thing.

How many continents are there, Get him?

Seven.

Alright, so they're driving down the street, these Aussies.

Wait a second, does that say...

Oh, no, that's just a time code.

So they see a guy dressed as a clown, and he has a bat, and some fucking dude who does not look small

demands that he put the bat down.

Demands that he put the bat down, and then fucking.

He starts to beat the shit out of him.

Yeah, he's now kicking the living shit out of him and running back to the car.

The clown doesn't look like it was

not.

The clown didn't look like he had a good time.

It also looked like a plastic baseball bat.

No, actually, in this picture, it looks.

No, it looks like a real bat.

A gun-toting motorist threatened to shoot a clown while screaming, Leave the kids alone.

This was in Chicago, Walt.

And I mean, this guy filmed himself.

He filmed himself drawing down on a fucking guy dressed as a gun.

I mean, I'm sorry.

What the fuck is wrong with you, nigga?

Like, Jacob just starts fucking running.

It reminds me of that scene in

World Star.

In Boogie Nights, when they pulled Mark Wahlberg out of the car because they thought

he was a prostitute.

Now, why did he

go?

Now, why did you say Giddam plays into this story?

Because Giddam tweets on Twitter, he puts that he's upset that when he goes to Spirit of Halloween,

that store, you know, that podcast.

They're everywhere.

They're all over the country.

They're like the Halloween headquarters.

Yeah, like that's

the place.

That he was asked to show an ID when he bought a mask.

Now,

one, of course, my question is like, all right, well, at the time, I think it was late September, early October.

Like, why are you buying a mask?

I think it was like last week.

And, okay, so say it was a week ago.

Early October.

So early October.

Why were you buying a mask?

Because he's caught up in the clown thing.

It was a clown mask.

Yes.

Oh, God.

And he didn't specify that on Twitter, though.

He just said a mask.

I didn't even know.

Oh, I'm just guessing that it was a clown mask.

Because you're caught up in this clown thing.

He is your mother,

like, in terms of

getting caught up in internet kind of like

crazes.

right?

Like the uh he gets whipped into excitement.

This is his farmville.

On anything that like that has captured the internet's fancy,

he wants to be involved in it, too.

I wanted Walt and Mike to do a gangum a gungum style video.

That's wait, you wanted those guys to like dance and shit?

What?

It's just joking.

Oh, okay.

I mean, but he's awesome.

He's a little more current.

That's something that happened fucking over five years ago.

There was some fucking stupid

there was some stupid Halloween decoration that got banned from Home Depot.

He immediately went out looking for it and found one.

What was it?

What was the decoration?

It's called the Scary Creeper.

You want me to grab it?

Sure.

Go get the Scary Creeper.

And he saw that on eBay,

I guess one or two sold for double of what they were asking for because Home Depot said that.

Which was like probably $4.99.

No, actually, probably like $50.

And he was like,

he had to go get it.

He could not

help himself.

He was like, I have to go get one because the internet's talking about it.

He's like, fuck use keys.

I got to go get a scary creeper.

And he was like, they're going for big bucks in eBay.

And he goes, I'm going to put mine up in eBay.

And it's still sitting here.

Hopefully, that was the only one you bought.

You didn't go in and

invest all your keeper.

Invest all your creeper model.

It's the creeper model.

It was banned in Canada.

Peeping window prop.

Attached to any window with included suction cuff.

Okay, so it would be like they're peering out of the window, though, right?

It's meant to be put outside and then it's peeping in.

Oh, okay.

But wait a second.

Okay, so I'm looking at the picture on the back, and

I'll tweet a picture.

I'll Instagram.

I'll gram a picture of this.

If it's the person is looking into your house,

and that's the decoration, then why would this be offensive?

Because some mother in or mother teacher in Canada said that since peeping is a crime in Canada, this makes light of it and it should not be made light of.

So she went straight to the news.

Did she use the word light twice in the same sentence?

I'm not sure.

She went straight to the news, and the news went to Home Depot, and Home Depot was just like, okay, we're going to take them out of the store.

So they pulled him out of the, they banned him in Canada stores.

So one person.

Yeah.

And then they've since take, they're taking them out of U.S.

stores.

Why?

Yeah, I I don't get it.

Like, why?

Why?

He just told you why.

No, but I mean, if nobody in America is complaining, like, one person.

Because it got traction in Canada, so it picked it up in America.

Because it's not one person, because everybody, because people were talking about it on the internet.

And they were also offended by it.

Well, I don't know if they're offended by it, but it gets traction.

It catches fire and it becomes...

It becomes like a trigger.

It's a trigger.

It trends, and

it sure triggered somebody.

Triggered you to go out looking for it.

Okay, so right now I'll look up on eBay the scary.

Oh, I'm sure there's plenty of them up there now.

But why did you want the clown mask?

What was your plan?

Halloween's coming up, and I figure, you know, I usually wait until the last minute to go do my Halloween shop, and there's like nothing left

at the store.

He is so full of shit.

Yeah, so you're like, this year I'll go as like the most, what's really the most popular thing right now?

Trending.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like the Harley Quinn of facebook.

And plus,

he also wants to be able to be outraged and be like, I can't believe that

if I buy a mask of Yogi Bear, I don't have to show an ID.

Well, no, you do.

They're recording now.

Any mask.

They're recording now one mask.

So what if a child wants a mask and they don't have an ID?

I'm not sure.

They'll be like, how'd you get here?

They're all like strip malls and shit.

I was told that someone had to give

an ID for face paint that they bought.

Well,

it does seem to be a little overstepping, right?

Where it's just like, what?

So they're going to sell X amount of the same exact mask, and I guess they're going to say, okay, well, this person

was standing on the side of the highway trying to scare people with the mask, so let's look down this list of suspects.

I don't know.

What do you think?

I think it's

overreaction, of course, but

it almost makes

you feel like you're covering your ass if you're spirit, even though you're probably

a meaningless and pointless task to do.

But

I guess it kind of

is an illusion of covering your ass.

Is it legal to ask for the ID?

I guess.

There's no wrong that says you need an ID to buy a mask, I would think.

But I mean,

there's only a few items, I think, that you need ID to buy, right?

Like liquor, cigarettes, guns, guns,

spray paint?

Yeah.

Every time I go to home due buy a can of spray paint, you got to give them a photo ID.

It shows you're over 18.

Box cutters.

So maybe there is, maybe, maybe stores at their own discretion.

They don't have to sell it

to you.

They make their own rules.

Again, I mean, it's something that is so meaningless to me.

I could give two fucking fucking craps less if somebody has to show what I need to get a mask.

Yeah, like, whatever.

Because I know

it then.

Because I know I'm not going to stand by the side of the highway trying to scare people.

I'm not outraged by it.

I don't care.

Be honest.

It wasn't because you're like, oh, I want to get my Halloween shopping done early.

Be honest.

Why the fuck did you buy a crack?

He wants to insert himself into this fucking nonsense.

Where?

Where is he doing it?

You'll just go do it and then come and tell us about it.

I scared my sister.

Oh, you have a sister.

Oh,

talk about the fucking, the most fucking ungodly can of worms that this guy fucking puts in front of me daily.

Right.

If it's not the sister,

a 12-pack.

Well, there you go.

Get him.

Scary Peeper Creeper going for $42 on eBay.

Now's the time to sell.

He is selling it.

Oh, yours is up there?

Yeah.

I think the shipping's a little high, but I think that's what's bringing it down, the shipping's a little high.

Why is your shipping high?

Because that's the shipping.

Shipping rates are very high.

What are you selling it for?

What do you hope to get?

What am I selling it for?

It was

$54 plus $14 shipping.

My God.

You're going to die with that.

Hopefully, you saved your receipt.

You can return it if you're Hollywood.

Yeah, really.

I learned from Walt.

How much did you pay for it?

$29 $32.03 after taxes.

So $30 for that, huh?

Yeah.

That's an expensive

decoration.

Well, it's quality.

It's definitely.

It does look pretty good, I gotta say.

And it definitely looks creepy.

Yeah.

But I mean, yeah, I don't know.

I mean, technically, isn't like

suicide against the law?

Really?

Isn't

murder against the law, and you dress up, and people dress up as murderers, like fucking Freddie and Jason, and all the paraphernalia that is sold with it, like fake machetes and fake.

But I will say the amount of people who've done the hanging body in their yards has gone down because they get to know.

People keep hanging themselves.

For real, it's like, wow, that looks real.

Three days later, it's like, well, that's really real.

Scary Peeper.

That was your high school nickname, wasn't it, Kenny?

That was his name.

He's dubbed that on the front of the ass for fucking press.

She's your offender.

Yeah, that's his new pet name with his girl.

How long we've been going?

Hour and 15 minutes.

Surely we need to talk about some

sponsor that's

bringing Tellum Steve Dave to you today with all this clown talk and other shit.

Why don't you do that new sponsor, the hot new one?

The hot new sponsor?

That everyone's talking about.

Oh, my God.

I'm afraid that Gidham is going to sign up as we.

it's trending get him.

Oh, so you know you're in so you know you're on board.

Oh, that might be us.

Yeah, this is um this is some hot shit right here, Gidem.

Hotter than the the the peeper thing.

Oh, uh this is called hold on a second, let me find this copy, Screen Junkies.

Oh

Screen Junkies Plus, a streaming service from creators of the hit YouTube series Honest Trailers.

Oh, I am familiar with them.

Yeah, you've watched this?

Yeah.

They break down the trailers, and

they try to make them more honest,

because they lie about the movie sometimes.

Right, and people are too dumb to do that on their own, so they need these guys to do it.

All right, well, good for them.

25 plus exclusive shows and more added monthly.

Well, you can be a Screen Junkies member, but if you're a plus member, you're going to see certain perks that those other people won't.

Oh,

like live shows you can watch anywhere.

and live call-ins.

Oh,

that's it.

That appears to be tough.

Yeah, what more do you want?

Yeah.

Go to screenjunkies.com/slash T-E-S-D, and you're going to get a one-month free trial, and you can cancel anytime.

And I guess Kevin and Muse did it.

Oh, they're on the network?

Would you call this a network?

I don't know.

I guess so.

It's a streaming service from the creators of the.

It's like

it's all content, original content.

I guess so, yeah.

Check out What's in the Box with Kevin Jay as they unbox shit.

Now, Giddam, we were talking about this earlier.

You're a big fan of the unboxing movie.

I completely don't understand watching people take shit out of boxes.

Well, he told you the reason why.

Because if it's new and you haven't seen someone handle it before,

what better way to experience that by through a video?

Plus, if it's someone like Kevin Jay and they're unboxing these toys, it's nice to hear their experiences with the toys and their memories.

So

you get a lot of input from them.

Their memories of these classes.

The toys that they opened seconds earlier?

Or what they represent for the second time.

It calls back stories.

And you don't get it.

You don't get it, but you cannot deny.

I'm old.

Yeah, you cannot deny you're old, as well as that you cannot deny the popularity of box openings.

You know what?

It used to make me mad, all this shit that, like, I'm like, why the fuck do people like it?

Like, yeah, yeah, I can't wrap my head around why people like certain things.

That's not me anymore.

I've got no passion.

I've got no fire.

As far as negative shit is concerned, I'm just like, I don't know.

What do you want from me?

Yeah, you can't move your dial.

And that's where you needed to be, almost like you were completely and utterly sedated beyond, you know, or you know, or even more when I was like a regular junkie, not a screen junkie.

Where do you got to go to sign up?

Screenjunkies.com/slash T-E-S-D.

You got anything else?

I got, I got, I, I got, I dusted off something that I haven't been holding on to for a while.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know if it's

if it's

we haven't played it in a long time.

Remember a segment called Rants or Ruse?

Rants or Ruse?

Rants or Ruse.

I don't know.

How do you say Ruse?

Ruse?

Yeah, like Ruse, like tricking somebody?

Yeah.

And I would tell you these, like, I would show you three commercials

that I went on a rant about while at home.

I do remember this, yeah.

There are

There's been shit on the tube that's fucking that's moved my dial.

I didn't think my dial was capable of being moved you thought you were sedated like me i thought i was i was wrong you want to see want to see these

three potential rants

i want to see so not all three of them got you mad uh

only one of them did okay you guys got to figure out which one pissed me off or i was like or i was frothing i literally was

like your kids

like one of your kids dialed 911 i was

i was inconsolable i was so angry right i was like i i I thought possibly that I was having a stroke because I was like, I can't possibly really be this mad about this.

My brain

must have be broken.

Right, this shouldn't get me upset.

Yeah.

Here's the first one.

Okay, the first one is, hold on, let me tell what people it is.

It's

golfsman?

Golfsmith, a TV spot.

Anything for golf practice time, I guess, is the name of the commercial.

It's real quick.

I'll just play it audio-wise, and then you can describe what you saw afterwards.

And then

I'll rant.

Okay.

If this is, did you just tell us this is the one you're ranting about?

Well, all of them I ranted about.

You ranted about all three.

Oh, I thought.

And you have to figure out which one I really was pissed off about.

One had gotten the frothiest.

Oh, okay.

No, no, no.

Two of them didn't even happen.

I didn't even give a shit.

Okay, yeah, that's what I thought.

Come on, Michael.

There's a chance one of these three got him.

Yeah, yeah.

Don't you remember this game?

Yeah, I mean.

So clearly.

The Kim Kardashian robbery, she's suing people who said that it was staged.

What's your feeling?

Do you think she staged it?

What was a robbery?

Oh, you didn't hear about this?

No, I should know.

Kim Kardashian said she was robbed in a Paris hotel.

It's like one of those, like,

you rent the whole hotel, like, duplex type deals.

And they had a party.

They had a party, everyone left, and then where?

Paris.

Okay.

Three people or four people dressed as policemen came in.

The bodyguard was away with with some other duty, and they stormed in and held Kim Kardashian at, I believe, gunpoint.

Gunpoint, I think they tied her up, they said, right?

Yeah,

I'm not sure.

I don't know if it triggered her or not.

So a lot of people seemed it was a scam.

Like

$10 million worth of jewelry was stolen.

She has $10 million worth of jewelry?

Evidently.

She's at a fashion show, so they

lend them.

They loan you the jewelry.

Well, right off the bat, I'm curious.

Do you think it's a

inside job?

No, do you think it's

a publicity stunt or do you think it's real?

I don't think it's a publicity stunt because

it's real crime.

I would say real because that value and involving the real police.

And then when you, yeah, if you reveal, oh, I was joking.

You know, people would feel betrayed.

More so than her own wedding.

Yeah.

Right, that fake wedding.

I was so outraged.

Who would have ever fucking pulled a fake wedding off?

I know.

Do you think Kim Kardashian got some free merchandise for some sponsor for life?

All right, well, anyway, okay, so.

Six degrees of Giddem, Kardashian.

So she's now threatening to sue in this.

She's now suing people who are like...

People, just random citizens or news organizations.

It seemed...

Like Twitter people?

It seemed to me like...

Well, if she's threatening to sue,

then

I feel that she's definitely definitely in the right because I don't want to be sued by Kim Kardashian.

I got to get in on this.

I don't have any money

to hire a lawyer to.

Right.

I mean, you think of that family.

I mean, her father got a murderer off, so they must have

some good lawyers, right?

But, I mean, I would think that she's not suing like Joe Schmo.

She's got it.

She's suing gossip sites.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, okay.

She sues online media outlet for libel.

Do I think she should?

Yeah, because you know what that is?

That's like diminishing victims.

Right.

You know,

as deplorable as she is, as unlikable as she is,

they're saying she faked the robbery and lied about the assault.

And if it's for publicity, or it's like, she doesn't need to do something so involved for publicity.

I would not put a pastor to

watch it with a real

uncle.

You want to get sued along with media too.

Your fucking uncle that didn't get you off that murder, the guy who got your father off a murder charge, but couldn't get you off a traffic ticket.

You really want to

go back to him with

being sued by Kim Gark?

I'm just saying, given her past history,

I wouldn't put a pastor embellishing a true event.

Oh, they're saying she filed the fraudulent claim with her insurance company to cheat her carrier out of millions of dollars.

I mean, I think she's,

you know, she would be up for a lot of different things, but, like, insurance fraud to the tune of $10 million

sounds so

involved

that,

and she would be like, we can't pull this off.

There's just no way.

It's like an Ocean's 11-type deal.

Yeah.

The website ignored her demand that it publish a retraction and an apology for calling her a liar and a criminal.

Here you go.

She was assaulted and robbed by two masked men who put a gun to her head, duct tape her hands, legs, and mouth, left her lying helplessly on the bathroom floor while they left with the jewelry.

Then Kanye West abruptly ended his New York concert, singing a family emergency, and flew to her side,

where he was promptly arrested because they assumed that the black guy was a criminal.

Yeah, she's, yeah, I mean, I guess she's well, why not, Sue?

You're You're not going to be able to win, though.

Yeah.

The libel laws are so hard to

libel laws in the UK are different.

She was in Paris, yeah.

Yeah, but it doesn't matter if this, if they publish it from England.

Yeah, but I'm sure she's going after the ones in America.

It was a federal lawsuit in New York against Mediatakeout.com, and its founder, Fred.

I mean,

we should send a free vinyl cast, too, to anyone who can pronounce this guy's last name.

Moanga Huhunga.

M-W-A-N-G-A-G-U-H-U-N-G-A.

Saying they liabeled her.

Yeah, far be it from me to

say anything good or positive about Kim Kardashian, but

it sounds like she's being defamed here.

I mean, it's...

I mean, it has to be traumatizing to her.

It'd be fucked up if they shot her, right?

Shot and killed her.

Like, that would be the story.

People would be like Trump and Hillary Clinton, who.

Like, that's true.

It'd be like when Selena got killed.

Even

I think bigger than Selena.

Yeah.

Huh.

When Biggie got killed.

Uh-huh.

Alright, so.

Oh, and there's a I forgot there's also this.

There's a I guess they made a Halloween costume of her getting like her.

That's how fast it happened.

It was withdrawn.

It's Kim Kardashian wig with a gag.

Her hands are tied in.

I guess she's in a bathrobe.

I mean, something you could easily put together by yourself.

You wouldn't need to buy this.

That was pulled.

Can I get that on?

$70.

Oh, yeah, that's about right.

Costumish.

Or costume-ish.

Who the fuck would pay $70?

A black wig, black sunglasses, a fake gag, and a length of rope.

Oh, so that doesn't even come with the fucking,

you know what, the bathrobe?

It's just so funny, though.

Like, I just don't, I just don't.

Well, you know what, though, that definitely makes a certain segment of the population laugh, and this is how they sound.

Well, it's either the Kim Kardashian mask or the clown mask, you know?

Yeah.

Maxwell came out publicly.

He broke his silence about it and said that anyone who thinks it's funny is

a jerk.

So we got his statement on it.

I'm not sure if anyone who thinks that's funny is a jerk and probably also comments already.

I'm not sure if it'll be used in court.

And Kardashi may be subpoenaing

Maxwell subpoena.

Oh, he'll give an amicus briefs.

Okay, let's play this game.

Do we got time?

Yeah, I get into it if we don't have tonight.

No, we got time.

I don't want to leave.

Please, can we play it?

I mean,

these aren't long commercials.

They're very short, but

maybe you've seen one of these.

I haven't I've only seen this one on sporting events, but I gotta tell you, I hardly ever watch network television.

All right, here's okay, so they're golfing.

A bunch of guys, they look like they're just

at a driving range.

Oh, now there's a baby and like a baby Bjorn type thing, sort of hanging out.

Anything for golf.

It says

okay.

So they're saying they have anything that's

and golfsmith is the uh is a store that um you know pedals in golf all your golf needs.

I don't I mean, I guess it's like uh

are they selling baby carriers specifically so you can no, no, it's it's about like how you know your passion for golf you know

even if you got the baby for the day

regardless

regardless, you need to get on that driving range and practice your swing.

Okay.

See, I took it as like

sort of like tongue-in-cheek, like anything for golf.

Like, we sell anything for golf, including like a baby holder in case you're not going to be able to do that.

Okay, well,

so our listeners are mainly not understand what's going on.

This guy is at a driving range, and he has a baby attached to his chest.

Like, you see people walking around, like, you know,

so their arms are free.

Right.

Free arms to swing golf club right

why do you think it angered me

come on

what i mean i gotta i gotta admit it like i'm with kiddo on this one i'm like

are you for real i i mean that that you you love golf so much that even if you have the baby for the day that you're you're gonna uh yeah but you're spending time with the kid it's not like having it on the car the kid's also not like eight years old it's it's the kid is an incidentally what how old maybe a month month or two old?

No, I would say like six months old.

Yeah, five, six months old.

It's cool, you don't know that for sure.

It's not a fucking month old.

Are you kidding me?

You think that kid may be,

but definitely still

forming, right?

Still developing?

So you're saying the baby could be injured while they're driving?

The amount of whiplash, the amount of

potential hazard to that baby's head.

I mean, babies.

The Fontenelle.

Yeah, the Fontenelle, the soft spot.

Are you serious that you guys didn't see this?

Mind is Fontenelle, man.

Did you see it right now or ever see it?

No,

you don't see the bad message that's in here that, like...

Well, now that you're telling me yes, I have to admit, I do see it, but...

Like, I mean, I'm trying to think.

Were you fucking taken on a driving range as you were fucking in your development years?

He was a

son of a golf ball.

My father would take me to the racetrack.

He had one of those backpack things.

He'd throw me in that and take me to the racetrack.

Right, but was he partaking in anything?

That would explain a lot.

I mean, are you guys really sitting here telling me you don't see the not just that,

not just the fact that it's so

what's the word where it's ill-advised and just not a great idea to tell people, people, like,

yes, put a baby in a position where you're jerking its head around so you can go fucking play.

Donald Smith was actually selling this specific product.

It doesn't matter.

They're showing him fucking doing this as if this would be okay, that this is okay.

Can you play it again?

Because I don't know if I ever see the baby's head get whipped around.

Right.

But you do realize, though, that people got to work on their long game, right?

Okay, we're watching it again now.

But I will say the baby is like cooing happily.

Right?

Because they're not going to show the ramifications like down a line of when he's fucking drooling.

They're not going to show the dislocated vertebrae.

Look how hard he's hitting that ball.

And then when they cut to the kid, it's a nice, easy swing.

But before that, he was fucking driving that ball.

Yeah, he was hitting it pretty hard.

Baby looks happy.

Look at the way that head goes.

I don't know.

I got to say, it looks like the kid's whole body moves.

Oh, and the head stays stationary?

No, I mean, the head moves, but

it's not like the head is like suddenly turning to one side or the other.

You're a crack.

Yeah, I mean, it's a real, like, I mean, people, there are those guys that, like, certain guys just love

things.

Like, like, like, like consumed with it.

Like, golf.

Golf is one of those things where it's like, oh, my God, it's going to rain.

I can't get out on the, what's it called?

The link.

It's

irresponsible to show a commercial

putting a child especially a child at this age

in this kind of situation where his head is being jerked around like that you don't agree with that

you're not i mean i want to see the other commercials now yeah i want to see compare that relative race to the next one

yeah i would like this i don't even think i would notice i If I saw this commercial, I don't even think I'd notice.

I wouldn't think that.

What about the factor of like

the dad factor, the male factor here?

A male,

would a woman do this?

Would they show a woman golfing like this as a mother?

Probably not.

But a dad, they're like, dad's so fucking stupid.

Right.

He'll put it on his phone.

But you know that.

You know that's okay.

You know it's okay.

Right.

Dad can be the bumbling fool.

Dad can be the idiot.

Dad can be, you know, incompetent.

That's sure.

Dad can be selfish and be like, fuck it.

Forget the, at least he has a hat on, like the sun that this kid is getting.

The sun is not the danger here.

The danger is

the brain and all that part.

That shit's still moving around.

You're not allowed to shake that shit around.

I would say this, Brian, if this was a YouTube video and not a commercial, do you think you would feel this outrage?

It's on YouTube.

No, I'm saying if you saw somebody filming this like anything.

Well, then it was in real, then it was real, as opposed to like a terrible

shot commercial.

Would I

say outraged either way?

He's not outraged at all.

Would you feel the outrage?

Look at this style.

It's as if somebody.

What do I got to do?

I mean,

holy shit.

You're seriously telling me you don't see that this is the message that this is.

I can see that if

that if someone, if like Giddam said, if they actually sold these and guys were still

sell these, these things are real like holders for children, right?

But I'm saying that if they sold these specifically for golfsmith?

Yeah, there's no guy, like when you're practicing your swing, that's a big thing.

Like, you got to get your form down and all sorts of shit.

Nobody's golfing with a baby on their chest and thinking, like, okay, I'm perfecting my fucking drive.

I know, I know it's a joke, and it's supposed to be like, oh,

because you don't.

Wait, hold on, excuse me.

But the very fact

that you two fucking

people

didn't pick up on it

lends credence to the fact that this is dangerous fucking message.

Until you started yelling, I think both Giddam and I and Yudison were about to be like,

look at that baby's head go.

I mean, really, it sounds like I can't believe it.

I'm really shocked.

I'm shocked you didn't because you seem to be more perceptive

as a beacon.

You know, I gave you a lot more credit earlier about, like, you know, and I got to take it back now.

I got to step back for my approval.

If a couple came in and the wife said, he brings my baby out to the griming range with a Bjorn and practices gospeling.

I would say that there's a problem there.

I just like that you've been demoted to equal footing with me now.

All right, you want to see commercial two?

Yes.

I mean, maybe.

This one is

hitting all the commercials now.

This one's everywhere.

Everyone's probably seen this.

It's on NFL film, I mean, NFL broadcasts, and it's a FedEx commercial.

Are you able to enlarge it?

I'm going to enlarge it.

Yeah, well, we want to hit it to FedEx.

They've helped make our e-commerce so easy, and now we're getting all kinds of new customers.

Okay, so it's these people getting orders from Canada, Ireland.

This one was going to New Zealand.

New Zealand

they're shipping Groucho glasses.

Now there's two guys in the woods.

techniques.

Okay, so there's a bunch of people.

I mean, there's two people working in a shipping store.

They're shipping funny glasses, Groucho glasses with, you know, one of the eyebrows and the nose.

Certainly not

cutting-edge comedy nowadays, right?

Unless you're Sunday jobs.

Fucking glasses and we're doing the roast.

Yeah.

Thanks for explaining that.

So

then they're like, oh, they're going all over the world.

So it cuts to two hunters.

In New Zealand.

In New Zealand.

They sound like they're from Australia, though.

It's not Australia.

New Zealand's close to Australia.

It's not.

Yeah, no shit.

It's a couple hours away.

It's two separate countries.

What the fuck?

So anyway.

They're looking through the binoculars, and there's three deer.

The joke is the deer have ordered the Groucho glasses from America to hide from hunters.

Right.

So hunters will think that they're guys,

other people just walking around.

The weird thing is that they're obviously female deer, but they have antlers, like big old antler, like buck antlers.

So you think the outrage is that they're a fucking girl?

No, I don't think that's what's outraging you now.

Yeah, are they obviously female?

Because they got the spots and everything, right?

No, it's it's so color.

Coloration is all about camouflage.

It It doesn't matter.

Can either one of you at least now try to fucking decipher why it enraged me, though?

I mean, you're you're you've you've done well explaining what the commercial is about, but you're telling me you're talking about what people need to stay.

I would say it plays off the ideas that people from New Zealand are buffoons.

I don't think he has that much love for New Zealanders.

I almost need to see it again

because this is even more wacky than the fucking shit on a guy's chest.

No,

Giddam is right in a sense.

The only thing I could think of is that he's upset that Dio can get credit cards.

But

it's okay to make fun of

guys being dumb, especially like hunters, which are

usually

like backwards, hillbilly, outdoorsman types.

I'm dumb grasping, man.

I don't know what the fuck can make you mad about that.

Man, this is taking a...

Let's watch it again.

No, we don't need to watch it again.

Why are we going to subject that to the?

You guys eloquently explained the commercial.

Yeah.

People need to know what it's about.

This commercial is everywhere.

I've never seen it.

You've never seen this commercial?

I told you I never watched live TV ever.

All right, you want to watch it again?

I don't know.

I don't know if it's necessary.

Let me just see it one more time, please.

Maybe I missed something.

I'm assuming it has to do with the guys.

Boy, we're shipping it to the next one.

Okay, okay, so it's a novelty store.

We're going to get in a Defenex that help

I know.

People are getting orders from Canada and Ireland.

This one is going to New Zealand to New Zealand.

Why are they all using this one little novelty store?

Okay, so

it's these two guys.

I mean,

it's because he calls them idiots, the deer idiots, when they're the actual idiots.

If this is the one that outraged you, I'm literally going to take you by the hand and walk you over to the fucking psych ward at Riverview.

Maybe we'll cheer up some kids on the way over.

So, what outraged you about this?

I am shocked.

I remember the first time we played this, and I'm like, I could at least see, yeah, I get why you would be mad about it.

Maybe it's that

the glasses spit on the deer and their heads are shaped differently.

I don't think that's what made them bad.

I think it has something to do with those guys.

Yes, they chose that somebody at somebody at marketing, whoever they paid to market this, who made this commercial for them.

How much thought was put into it?

Because if you choose the wrong country, you had a fucking firestorm on your hands, right?

If you don't fucking pick New Zealand,

and you pick another country, you just spin the globe, and my finger falls on another country.

Let's say, Brian, I'll let you say it.

I don't know, but name a country that would be like, that is fucking outrageous.

And FedEx is going to pay a fucking heavy price for this fucking incensed activity.

I'm fucking so mad right now, I can't even speak.

I see that.

I'm hearing that.

I would say any Middle Eastern country, any African count country, or any country within the African continent.

I think it could do it to Russia.

No, it makes our war with them, Putin's a little...

Yeah.

Do you not agree that

you don't just make this commercial without really giving it some heavy thought?

What country can we choose to be the buffoon, the ass hat of the world?

And they've done nothing.

They're like, this is a no-brainer, New Zealand.

I picture them going through their balance sheet and says, who does the least business with us?

New Zealand?

You have to pick on that.

No way.

No way.

No way.

No way.

It is not not fucking based on money, it is not based on dude.

There are countries that FedEx would not dare fly into, and you know it.

It is this decision to fucking shit on New Zealand was made solely for one reason, and it ain't fucking money, get him.

It was the safe choice, I agree, because I'm guaranteed if it was two guys with spears in the middle of Africa and it was two antelopes with a mask on,

it would be a hateful critical.

Now we see why

he works here and not FedEx marketing.

He's like, can't we get some of those ladies with the rings around their necks?

The big lips.

Yeah, the plates in their lips and shit.

I mean, do you not see it now?

I mean, this is fucking uncalled for that you would fucking pick.

This is the safest

because they list Canada and then they list, I believe the second one was Ireland.

They said Canada, Ireland.

I think they said Australia, and I think they said New Zealand.

Why do you think they just, like, why not just the United States?

Like, I guess because you'd be targeting a state.

Because you bunch of all y'all through, you're doing international.

You have to pick an international country to basically just say,

you're dumb, ignorant fuck.

Like, these guys are dopes.

They would fall for deer wearing groucher glasses.

Yes.

And so they chose a country

that doesn't have anything that could backfire on them.

Mostly white,

not very, like, not known for their military strength.

Like, Russia.

Could you imagine Russia getting mad about that, though?

Come on, are you fucking for real?

What they should have done was North Korea.

That's who they should have used.

They probably don't ship internationally there, though.

Yeah, you're right.

Yeah, you're right.

I mean, it is the safe choice, but I mean, have you not gotten, like, have you not accepted that, like,

especially there, but it's two white guys who, again, who are dopes, just like the golfing guy.

It's okay.

It's okay.

And also, like you said, you did make a point.

I didn't even think about hunters.

They're going to use hunters as an example of somebody they want to paint as being ignorant.

I would say I did not see a.

They both have binoculars in their hand.

I didn't see a gun.

You knew they were hunters.

Don't fucking sit there and get it.

What are they?

Deer watchers?

Yeah.

Nature watchers.

Now you're trying to fucking win a job at fucking FedEx shit.

Watch out.

Do you want to see the last one then?

Yeah, I'm pretty outraged about this one now that you've pointed it out.

Did I whip you up into a frenzy?

Walt is New Zealand's new saints.

Yeah, my needles approaching the red zone over here with all these.

Have I moved your dial?

Yeah.

These outrageous commercials.

I got to find the other one now.

Okay.

This one also debuted very large.

It's getting a lot lot of accolades, though, and I'm surprised in this day and age, and I think it's going to be pretty clear and obvious that why this one

this one

got

the blood boiling.

Does this have a...

Oh, this may not even have a.

Oh, I might have picked it.

Oh, here it is.

There it is.

Okay.

Meet the first Muslim woman to appear in Playboy in a hijab.

I mean, is Playboy now like

going to the complete opposite end of the spectrum where it's like they used to be totally naked?

It's like, now let's cover them up as much.

Wow, she's fucking hot, man.

Was the hijab just the head?

Yeah, but

not the full burqa.

Well, I mean, but they don't have nudity anymore either, right?

Oh, I don't know.

Yeah, I mean, if these are the pictures, I mean, she's very pretty, but it sort of flies in the face of what.

Yeah, we got a game to play.

Oh, sorry, yeah.

Wow, she's really pretty.

Fuck.

What a.

Here we go.

Okay.

Oh, it won't play on my thing, right?

That's what that.

No, there it is.

Okay.

Presidential debate commercial.

Well, it's airing everywhere now.

Okay.

So it's moving backwards.

It looked like a lady and a guy were fighting on a roof

and

they fell through a,

you know, what?

A skylight.

The glass.

I thought that was the glass ceiling.

Now they're throwing stuff to each other like cell phones and lobsters.

They're talking backwards.

It's like a slow-mo, backwards motion.

That's it?

Well, I don't know.

It cut off, but what happens is they're fighting over, because they're valets, they're fighting over a nice car to park.

And it all went backwards.

The entire thing was shot backwards.

So that's like that little red ticket that seemed to be running after.

Yes.

It's a valet ticket.

There was a valet ticket that they were.

There's actually no talking in the whole commercial.

It's a commercial for.

I could either.

It's for a sports car.

It does not play forward.

It just plays only in reverse.

Only in reverse until the very end, where they're like, I got this.

They say to each other, and they both want to park the car.

That's in the beginning.

That's at the very end.

And then it cuts to

the manufacturer of the car.

Okay.

So it's a lady and a guy valet.

It starts out with them on the floor wrestling or whatever.

Fighting.

Fighting.

Physically.

And then it goes reverse.

They go up through

the window.

It's a knockdown drag out and it's there's no there's no bar holding it looks like a movie it looks like a movie like a choreographed fight scene like something John Wooish right and this outraged you because of

because

the guy did not give the woman the opposition to take the ticket first as a gentleman no I don't think that's what outraged him

did the guy land any punches I don't know I didn't see they all looked like they were landing some good they were equal landing so so you're are you saying do you have it you guys want to guess why it or why it made me rant

I know yeah we're trying to talk it through because these are

the why the why this would make you rant

does it have something to do with the car like it's that big of a deal to park a nice car

I'm thinking not by your expression

what do you say get them

it's like dealing with Sunday Japanese like a Sphinx here

you would you wouldn't think that it would be

pretty

hypocritical for the NFL to be to air this commercial while they're dealing with a domestic violence problem?

I thought he said this was during the debate.

It aired during the debate, but now it's on during the NFL

at the NFL telecast.

It's a commercial that's getting a lot of airtime now.

Yeah, I wasn't sure.

I didn't know the context.

I thought it was during the presidential debate.

At first, I thought it was Hillary, and it's supposed to be Hillary and Trump.

You don't, yeah, the fact that it aired first during the debate is meaningless.

So you're saying.

I'm saying, do you think that might be one of the reasons that

it's pretty fucking outrageous

that the NFL has the problem that they have

and they are airing a commercial where a guy is punching a woman?

No, I don't.

And I'll tell you why.

Because

it's cartoony.

It's obviously modeled on, like you say, like a John Wu

type thing.

And the woman is holding her own.

It's not like she's running from the guy as he tries to take the ticket away.

Or drag her into an elevator or something, yeah.

Yeah,

yeah.

It's so over the top

that

there's never, I mean, look, they do it in superhero movies, right?

Girls are fighting guys and shit.

Well, you're right.

That's not why I was mad.

Okay, so you weren't mad about it.

I'll tell you why I was mad.

That shit was shot all backwards.

Is it a coincidence that fucking it was after it aired after dyslexia?

After I premiered and I talked about dyslexia, that they come up with something like this?

Because I said they do talk backwards in the act.

Right.

Yes.

Wow.

Yeah.

I could see that.

I hadn't thought of that.

And you did point out that they talk backwards.

Right.

So, all right, so out of those three, which one really fucking got me?

Now, I ranted.

I don't know how I pulled it off, my rants.

I ranted about all the...

You were really passionate about that first one.

But I ranted about the the golf, the uh it the being irresponsible.

I think I got this.

I ranted about the um the second one, which was the like you're you're taking

You're debasing a whole entire country as being buffoons.

And I ranted that the

car commercial

stole

my idea about dyslexia.

That one I'm immediately ruling out.

I'm not.

I'm not.

My theory is, and this is my theory.

My theory is that he was dismissed so quickly by Yuri?

Yes.

No, Simmy.

Simmy.

He was dismissed so quickly by Simmy

about,

oh, this is just a crazy idea.

No one would be into it.

Meanwhile, it's now on the NFL.

It's during the presidential debate, it's all over T V, and it was his ideas originally which was dismissed.

But it's not a fucking game show.

But at no point is someone like, well, what are they saying?

But

that's exactly what's happening.

You're going to go, what were they saying?

Because

it tricks the mind.

It's a mystery that you have to solve.

So you're going to wait.

So you're going to go with the last one.

That's the one that made me rant at home.

Yes.

Brian, which one are are you going to go with?

I'm not going to go with that one

because

prior to this, I brought up somebody tweeting about Tosh doing like the greatest hell holes on earth, and you immediately dismissed it as like, no, of course, nobody would ever steal anything from us.

So, now I have either the baby or the foolish asshole.

Just for the sake of the, you know, yeah, I don't even know I fucking would ever believe that that was the fucking talking backwards that would get me.

The baby that I would go home and rant about at home come on

so yeah it is it is between

the baby playing golf and the um

the new zealand uh being fucking besmirched for fedex's benefit right and it's not about it's not really so much about new zealand that pissed me off it was just like so fucking safe yeah so fucking safe so that's the real answer what no he's not giving the answer he's saying

and the one about the and the baby is just like it's fucking irresponsible to because there's going to be some fucking moron out there that's like,

oh shit.

Tabby, I'm going golfing.

Don't worry, I got this.

So which one was it?

Which one got me fucking all

eyes a-popping and

sweaty?

I would say that the New Zealand one would not, that would make sense, like that would make me mad more than, like, you know once you explain the safety factor the political correctness bullshit that would make me more mad than you you're you like I've seen a new wall flying in these last couple years You're a very caring and insightful guy.

I think it's the first one.

I think it's the first one where it's like especially and you fucking love your kids so much I'm sure that it had something to do with like that baby could get injured and some fucking momo was gonna go out there and be like

so I'm gonna say the first one the first one is the one that uh got raised your ire Yeah.

You want to change your answer?

I'm going to agree with you again.

The fucking worst, most obvious.

I would agree with him because

it has the best potential for harm to an actual child who is innocent.

The definition of innocence as a baby.

A one-month-old fresh out of the womb being dragged along to be exposed to the sun and have.

The sun has nothing to do with it.

I don't know why you keep fucking pointing to the sun.

It's this fucking asshole that can't fucking give his kid any attention.

That's the fucking horror.

And the fact that he's going to fucking irreparably possibly damage his brain so he can go shoot a fucking couple rounds.

I think we're glossing over the fact that, like, we should be congratulating Ming for his first commercial.

Yeah, it was the golf one, man.

I fucking saw that in the middle of the night one night, and I actually went and tried to record it so I could show Debbie the next morning.

I was just like, can you believe this?

Can you believe how fucking heinous this is to sell some fucking clubs

that some idiot might fucking actually think this is okay to do?

Right.

Or they go in asking for it.

They're like, hey, do you sell this?

You got that papoose?

Yeah.

And

the guy behind the counter is like, oh, my God.

You got another one.

I see your ID, sir.

God forbid.

Imagine if you work there.

I'm just picturing Walt, like, rummaging through the closet trying to find the VCR to record this commercial.

No, no, no.

It was on a show I was watching, so I hit the record button to record the whole thing that I was watching, which I wasn't recording at that time, just so I can have that commercial queued up.

There you go.

That's what you're doing with your time.

Well, amongst other things.

Hitting a button?

Yeah, hitting a button.

Rather than what?

Rather than finding keys, Michael.

He never asked me.

He asked you

to do it

while you're getting paid.

Yeah, he knew you wouldn't do it after fucking getting reported back on you.

It's meaningless.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

She came to me like one night.

She was butchering rise.

She was almost hypnotized.

West Tim, I've got two tickets to Macabre Festival.

Souls was that role we got gold.

We were born from B-side plays.

That big film shit that rocks the brain.

You and I were both the same.

A couple outcast kids with tons of face.

Come with me, listen to see

the killer for funny symphony.

A gathering of forlorn souls, a place where we all belong.

And so we showed up to the door.

Only three bucks to get inside.

It was a cheap and wild ride.

Yeah, that music hit me hard.

And you followed me back home.

Masturbation for the soul.

We were over face-side plays.

Let me film shit that crossed the frame.

You and I were both the same.

A bunch of outcast kids with time to face.

Come with me, listen to see the killer for body symphony.

Songs flowing from frustrated souls.

A place where we fucking belong.

And now I know where I belong.

My existence in this song.

I never stood a chance out there.

With music, kids, I'm unaware.

Of all the pain that life can bring.

And this is why I fucking sing.

Whoa.

that.

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