#305: Batches of Patches

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my face is now a toilet, apparently.

What would happen if you tucked it and then

are you able to read out loud

yeah yeah

okay

tell them steve dave hello and welcome to this week's edition of tell them steve dave and i'm gonna need you boys to carry it because I'm gonna get raspier and raspier as the show goes on.

What's going on?

On uh Monday?

Monday.

Monday I went into like an ENT because I've been coughing since like April.

Mm-hmm.

Coughed all through the summer.

Like we'd be doing a shot and all of a sudden I would just like pick you feel this like tickling in the back of your throat.

Yeah.

And um then I would just be like a coughing fit for like a couple of minutes.

So I went in and they put you under and

I haven't been coughing since, so I don't know if she like clipped something back there.

Well she never did say.

Yeah.

It's like a sore throat for like two days.

But now like for some reason my voice is going.

But the coughing's gone?

I haven't been coughing.

I haven't had to use that syrup, that codeine syrup that fucking purple drink.

They gave you codeine syrup?

Yeah.

Isn't that like controlled substance?

Do they know about you?

Yeah, they know.

Codeine, though, is like if I were a hardcore alcoholic and they gave me a wine cooler.

Oh, okay.

That's the way I look at it anyway.

Plus, I really don't have any interest in going back to.

Getting your rocks off?

Yeah.

My rocks, I have no more rocks to get off.

It's nice to have a little bit of money.

Not a lot, but a little.

Like, not every fucking dime goes to drugs and shit.

Yeah.

Not to mention the cats.

Cat bill.

The cat bill, yeah.

I would be back on drugs if it weren't for the goddamn cat.

But I was actually looking at

the list of things they give you for anesthesia.

And fentanyl is

one of the things.

It's like that, that propanol shit that they gave to Michael Jackson.

And then something else.

I can't remember what the other thing was.

But they put you down pretty fast.

Yeah.

I get laughing gas when I go to the dentist.

Yeah.

Love that shit.

Still?

As far as they still even have laughing gas

in

the dentist grab bag.

I'm surprised that laughing gas is still an option for

nervous Nellies to calm them down.

It sounds so like 50s.

It's there, buddy, and it's glorious.

Why are you unable to just take it like a man with a

shot in the mouth?

Sure.

I've taken many shots out of my mouth.

Let's get your needle, get your Novocaine.

Why do you need a laughing gas to do it?

I don't need it.

I want it.

I get like a nice little high going.

Yeah, right?

It's like whippets.

Yeah.

Oh, it it doesn't put you under?

No, no, no, no.

You just get goofy.

You get like chatty Kathy.

Yeah.

Like it's fun.

I think I had it once when I was like 13, and

I didn't do well in it.

I'm not a drug guy, so this is how I get my fix.

So you get your rocks off.

Yeah, so my rocks get off.

I came down off the laughing gas and I broke into a

spy riral.

I remember I woke up from

something oral.

I'll take it a shot at that.

And

I woke up

hysterically upset by something, you know, and I was all out of whack.

And I was like, the dentist was sucking your cock.

I was like, no, that's it.

I don't need no more laughing gas, no more nothing.

That was probably when it all, when I knew that, like, I'm going straight itch.

Yeah, that was it.

But, I mean, how often do you go to the dentist where you have to get, I mean, you can't get a cavity drilled in with like no novocaine.

No, no, no, no.

I'm talking about, yeah, yeah, Novocaine, yes.

Right.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

That's fine.

I'm talking

on a fucking whiskey-soaked rag.

But I mean, I don't want it.

Like, if I don't have to be like,

it's mind-altering, right, Laughing Gas?

It does something to your brain.

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

If you like light euphoria, it's very light.

But it smells like cotton candy.

It's nice.

That's true.

Yeah.

They do that on purpose to make people want it.

Yeah.

It doesn't really smell like that naturally, right?

No, no, they add the cotton candy.

It's that's fucked up.

That's why I'm so fat.

I've been eating cotton candy thinking I'm going to get high.

That's so fucked up that

the medical community would do that.

Let's make it so I cotton candy.

The purpose of the thing is to calm you down, so why not make it as pleasant as possible?

Because it's make people like you want it now, even when you really don't need it.

But you've got to pay for it.

It's not like you just go there.

Yeah, well, you're a medical.

That's why my medical is so expensive because fuckers like you just can't go in and get a needle.

You got to get laughing gas, too.

I pay for it.

How is your medical veteran?

You drilled right for no reason just to get the laughing guests.

You're not on some sort of.

I don't have dental.

I don't have dental.

You're on Obama?

You're on Obama.

I just pay.

I'm a dentist.

I pay.

He just gets teeth removed.

It's even a cavity to just pull it like this.

On the fire department, when I needed

in the early days, when we were doing the TV show and I was shooting the fire, I was doing the fire department, the TV show, and I needed time off,

I would put off dental work that I needed until I had that, and I would tell the doctor to give me

not the self-dissolving stitches, the

that you had to make an appointment.

And within the fire department, obviously, you can't work with stitches in your mouth, so you would get that week off until your appointment to get the stitches removed.

Really?

Yes, I would do that.

But they, unfortunately, because of abuses like that, have

cut down on that as well.

I assume that you like

cut out at the right time.

How much more extra is Laughing Gas?

I think it's like 200 bucks.

Is it worth it?

To me?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's worth it.

It's worth it.

Well, I mean, you can get it online.

It's just.

Can you, really?

Yeah, you can get those nitrous oxide, like those, they look like

gas canisters for like paintball gums or something, I think.

Wait, it's not a controlled substance?

Yeah, I mean, I'm sure it is.

I can't buy fucking Laughing Gas.

But I mean,

isn't it the same shit as in like whipped cream, the ready whip or whatever?

Like a

clue?

I don't know.

We should look it up here.

Maybe next week we should have

on episode, whatever episode it is, three.

Do you do whippets?

No, we should do a laughing gas intervention for Q with all our closest.

You had me at Let's Do Laughing Gas.

Oh my God, it would be so fun to do an episode on it.

Okay, medical grade.

I guess is a little bit different

than whipped cream.

Hell yeah, it's got to be.

Because if it's fucking out there and it was available for the public, you know it would be a problem.

Because the public fucking cannot handle

having a substance that they won't abuse.

That's true.

It's just not possible.

Well, don't they fill up like at raves and stuff where they used to?

They would like fill balloons.

Yeah, they would fill up balloons with nitrous oxide, and then you'd be like, and suck it down.

Well, the second you stop taking it, it goes away.

Like when they take the mask off me, you've got to have a steady source.

within 20 seconds of them taking the mask off me, I'm already feeling halfway better.

So it's not like an ongoing.

That's why I would only do it like Frank Booth in Blue Velvet, where I just walked around with that going.

It's just a little red, that's all.

What are these?

If it relaxes people, why isn't it used in more situations, though, than just a dentist?

Like,

why isn't it on

airlines?

Like, why don't they just have a mask that pops out?

Like, you're feeling a little stressed out about this flight?

Suck on this for a while.

Walt, you and I are having the same questions.

I would love it if if it was.

Would you fly if

no?

No way.

Let's just get fucked up and fly, man.

Don't you think Walt looks pretty like he looks manly right now, doesn't he?

Like, I walked in and he has like, you've got like

he's been through some shit.

Military-style haircut.

Yeah, he does.

That I did notice.

He had, like, put your glasses on for a second.

He's got my glasses.

These are Mike's glasses.

I mean, talk about like a retired colonel.

A colonel.

Yeah.

And plus, and then he has like his shirt unbuttoned with his fucking burly chest hair hanging out.

Oh, no, you're not a colonel.

I'm getting a colonel.

There's only one colonel.

How dare you?

Yeah.

Whatever's down from a colonel, that's what you look like.

The next rank down.

But yeah, you look like.

You do.

I agree.

I'm not used to seeing you in flannels either.

Maybe like t-shirts is always what I kind of like.

Yeah, I just want to get something a little bit light and airy to him.

Yeah, he's not wearing any pants.

It's a long flannel shirt.

It's more of a night coat.

Yeah, don't look under the table.

I told you, don't look.

Jim's off himself.

Help himself.

They used to have laughing gas parties.

Well, it began as a phenomenon for the British upper class in 1799.

That sounds like fun.

Until at least 1863, low availability of equipment to produce the gas combined with low usage for the gas.

For medical purposes, meant it was relatively rare.

Well, that would be fucking fun, right?

You sit around, just everybody sucking on

laughing gas and watching impractical jokers.

It'd be fucking amazing.

Destroying your mind.

You think it fucks your brain up?

Prolonged use of it.

Prolonged use, most likely, yeah.

I'm sure that what they give me at the dentist is like a super low-controlled dose.

It's just regular oxygen.

I'm so fucked up.

Like teenagers, they're like a solemn thing.

They're so silly.

It's not fucking doctor.

Cheddy cap.

Look at this fucking idiot.

Recorded him.

Charge him 200 bucks.

Recent rock festival, nitrous oxide.

Yeah, it was sold for 25 cents a balloon.

That's awesome.

Some mystical religious group used the gas to accelerate transcendental meditative states of choice.

Nice.

Yeah, I don't know.

I have to.

I got to tell you, there is something about

an analgesic that I do enjoy.

A good analgesic.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well,

it's my little treat to myself.

My

couple time a year dentist.

Are you a nervous guy in the dentist chair?

Nah.

No.

Nah.

Not at all.

I hate the dentist.

Hate it.

Not many people enjoy it.

Well, I'm getting these implants putting back here.

Two in the back.

You can't see, but he's pointing at his ass like Kim Kardashian.

And

it's

pretty crazy, man.

They screw sockets into your jaw.

They show you the little video of

how they screw at the teeth and then screw it up.

They showed me the x-rays on a video, yeah.

It's expensive, too, right?

It ain't cheap, no.

I saw that there's this on,

I think it was on

like one of those old just shows 24-7 old game shows, Buzzer.

And they have something like

the K-Tel version of Perfect Smile, where it's just like a rubber strip of a perfect smile that

adheres to your face.

I mean,

on the TV, it looks like it would cure all of Giddam's problems.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, for like $20, and he gets two of them.

In real life, it looks like it would cure none of his problems.

Yeah, I bet you in real life, this rubber strip that's painted to look like teeth is probably very clear.

There's a name for it.

That TV show

with the little pageant girls.

Fuck, what's the name of it now?

You know the show like Honey Boo-Boo is on it?

Oh, Dance Moms?

Not Dance Moms.

The other one.

Just like Child Pageant Shit?

Yeah, I can't remember what the name of the show is.

But they have those all the time.

I can't remember what they call them, though.

But it's like fake.

They're like false teeth that they put over.

See, now it's going to fucking bug me.

I'll have to look it up.

But yeah, like, because, you know, a lot of kids at age six or seven, they're they're losing teeth, so they have gaps and shit.

And I guess that's considered unappealing.

So they have these things that they put over their teeth, and they're like these big, fake, fucking teeth.

Wow, fake choppers.

Damn, what are they called again?

And none of the girls seem to want to wear them.

They seem uncomfortable.

Fuck, what is it?

It's called Instant Smile, it's called.

Instant Smile.

Instant Smile.

It's at Walmart.

It's 20 bucks.

Oh, they're still for sale now?

Yeah, you can buy them now.

They're not only available on TV, but it's like as seen on TV aisle of Walmart.

You can go and get the instant smile.

Veneers?

Yeah.

So you think we should get these forget them?

Flippers, that's what they're called.

Flippers.

I just think that

I just can't believe what the TV touts is at being the perfect solution.

No, these look horrible.

See, here's like, here's what a little girl looks like with perfect teeth because

it's like a fake, it's like almost like dentures that they go over their other teeth.

Yeah, it does look strange.

What's it called?

Walt?

Perfect smile.

Perfect smile.

Perfect smile.

Perfect smile TV commercial.

I mean, anything that you can buy on the, as seen on TV, oh, my God.

It looks like something you would buy for Halloween.

Well, I mean, it is only 20 bucks.

What do you want?

I should get these next time I go to Walmart.

I mean,

the after of the before doesn't even look that great.

Like, she looks like she's in pain, that lady.

Now, a perfect smile look is as easy as one, two, three.

Buy one, get one for only $14.99.

Why would you need more than?

Well, because you know, maybe you're out a night before, you didn't do the proper cleaning, so you have your extra pair in your hand.

Oh, yeah, that's that's true.

Wow.

Skip the fucking expensive dental work.

It ain't no joke, man.

Dentist work is very fucking expensive.

Yeah.

Soak in hot water press and go.

Okay, so basically, I guess what you're doing is you're...

It's like a sticker?

No, it's like a rubber

prosthetic.

Right.

That just adheres to your gums.

Oh, the amazing removable veneer that gives you the...

I mean,

you know who I kind of feel bad for?

The people that

are so desperate to not have the teeth they have that they're like, fuck it, I'll try this.

But I can't, but at least

at least they're only out 20 bucks.

So

it doesn't look good.

Don't wear them while eating.

It says, Can I eat or drink while wearing perfect smile?

Do not wear perfect smile while eating.

When eating, but it says perfect for a date.

So I guess if you're not going to eat on the date, it is possible to drink while wearing them.

Can I wear them while sleeping?

No, do not wear them while sleeping.

Oh, God.

How do I clean Perfect Smile?

A toothbrush or a glass container for you?

Maybe if there's a listener out there, I want to send Perfect Teeth to get him.

Carrot stash.

Yeah.

And then we'll take a picture of him, and

he could have his picture on the website.

The official Perfect Smile is designed to be worn frequently.

Some people have used it for many years.

Remember to take it out at night and when eating.

Feel free to wear Perfect Smile over again and again.

I mean, so they're saying it's been around for a while?

I don't know, man.

Well, I mean, come on.

It's not like that revolutionary to have a little rubber strip that you just wear over your.

Yeah, I'm just surprised I never heard of it before.

Well, they haven't gone to television to market it yet until just recently.

Well, you got pretty good teeth, though, beat you.

Yeah, I mean, I don't feel like I would need them, thankfully.

Can you give me some fucking nitric and you were the first person

that I ever met that got their teeth whitened?

Yeah, Yeah, it fucking hurt me.

I remember you came back to the office that day and you were in so much agony.

Yeah, they left.

I think they left the bleach on too long.

It was a long time ago.

Wasn't he also the first person that you knew?

Didn't you also get your back

hair off?

No, I was going to.

It's so fucking weird you should bring that up.

I was just thinking about that yesterday because I was looking at myself in the mirror and I was like, what a waste that would have been.

Hairy back is the least of my problems.

But yeah, when I worked out a lot and I dropped a lot of weight, that was one of the things I wanted to do.

I used to

get it waxed, and I wanted to get electrolysis just so I never had to deal with it.

Oh, so you did get it waxed?

Oh, yeah, I used to get it waxed all the time.

You were,

I mean, there was a little metro period, huh?

Oh, yeah.

For sure.

Yeah, I was dressing nice, had a short haircut, had my perfect smile veneers on.

Yeah, I actually, I also considered,

At the time, it sounds so fucking weird,

what's that called, like a tummy tuck?

Because it was like, I mean, you remember how thin I was?

Like, because I got consumed with it.

And there was like this little bit of skin that I just couldn't get rid of.

And I was like, what if I just got like a tummy tuck and got that pulled down so it was nice and tight?

And then I never did it again.

Thank God.

What a waste of fucking money.

What would happen if you tucked it?

And then, no, I'm not a good idea.

I don't know what clip for this week.

But if you did do the tuck procedure

and then

I ballooned up to my present state, would it be dangerous?

Yeah, my skin would split.

He'd be like, no,

that extra inch of skin fucking would have saved his life.

Why, God.

Why was I so vain?

This fucking hairless, fucking tight-skinned motherfucker.

Why did he have to die?

It was vanity that killed me.

How can I prevent it?

They're like, well, you could stop eating.

Like, no, is there another way?

Any other way?

I need answers, man.

Yeah.

I'm seeing one review of Perfect Smile.

Oh, wait.

Two reviews.

People are saying don't.

Well, one person says they didn't receive it, so you can't really count that one.

All right.

This late, actually, neither of them received it.

Oh, so it sounds like the fucking Tom Steve Dave t-shirt too.

Yeah, really?

You want a review?

Get him.

Oh, wait, that's the review I'm looking at.

I'm sorry.

Oh, man.

Everybody got their shirts.

Are we laughing at someone who shouldn't have laughed at them?

I think everyone got their shirts.

Okay.

Then we could laugh at it.

We really went out of our way to rectify.

I don't want to laugh if we didn't.

Yeah, we, as in me, after the fucking Sandy,

I did a promotion and I said, anybody contact me if you didn't get your shirt.

Okay.

And a lot of people contacted me and I made good.

But there was a couple people that like

from in other countries, though, that

they shared the same rights as Americans.

That it was hard to

communication was so difficult through the email that.

I don't even know why I have to pay for a shirt.

Let alone

that there's probably

at least one dude in a really fucked up country that I'm hesitant to order a practical joker shirt after I've had experience with Toastie.

Oh, speaking of bringing up fucked up countries, dude,

this is crazy because I want to, I mean, I had a segment all planned.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I'm kind of

bringing back one that I killed.

It's a shoe countries?

It is shithole countries.

Really?

Since we're out of, since we're not under contract anymore, I don't feel the need to tiptoe around.

I'm in contract with who?

And he's actively trying to not get a seventh season.

All right.

Well,

I'm still in the contract.

Oh, that's right.

Well, can I play?

Listen to me, that India thing almost blew up in my fucking face.

Oh, really?

Yeah, well, can we all

the only English-speaking show that beats us in all of India is Friends.

Other than that, we are the number two English-speaking show, so I really got to fucking suck India's dick.

All right, well, how about if I play?

Get that brown dick right in my throat.

I love that country.

All right, well, then I have, well, I brought back this.

I brought it back with theme music.

I'm coming all out on this.

So

you could be the voice for India.

Fuck yeah, I'll stand up for India.

Okay, because I'm going to present to you two countries.

Okay, do it in that offensive.

Well, can I play the theme music for you guys first?

Please, please.

I gave it a little bit of thought.

We may have to cut this out.

Theme music.

It may be.

It may be like, I can't believe I just played that, but hold on.

Hello, three

shit holes.

It sounds like cousin Vlad from Romania.

Listen to the

screams and the bangs.

The screams and the banging of fucking pots and pans or whatever the fuck.

I can't even fucking breathe.

I want the fucking

faintest shit.

That was my wolf voice, you know.

What is the first thing you say?

Hell on Earth.

Hell on Earth, the world's greatest shitholes.

And I thought, like, in your world.

Like, you're saying the worst shitholes.

Okay,

celebrate it.

Why don't we celebrate it then and be safe?

Yeah.

Okay.

Shole means something positive.

And we're using great as in great.

But like, I thought that this was the way this is going to work.

I would give you two

fucked up stories.

Right.

And we would decide which which one's the more fucked up one.

They would be deemed

the greatest shithole.

And then, until we do it maybe a month or two later, we can bring it back and be like, okay, so the reigning champion

on the world's greatest shitholes.

Right.

So it's

such and such.

But then I bring two more to try to knock them out of the top spot.

Well, it kind of looks like when they do the basketball, like March Madness thing.

This is our version of March Madness.

Shithole Madness.

Wanner.

Where are my glasses?

I saw an Indian dude.

I saw a video the other day.

It was an Indian dude trying, and he was putting

a cow who had all these necklaces on

into like a cart that's pulled by a truck.

Okay.

And he's being so nut, you know, because I guess there's great on that.

I agree with that.

And they have to, like, the truck, I mean, the cart has like this little like tailgate.

It's like maybe eight inches, ten inches.

Yeah.

And the cow's hoof hoof is his rear hoof is is like kind of like in the in the the crack the crack yeah the whatever you call it the um

you know yeah wherever it would close the and um so he goes to move it gently and this fucking cow kicks this guy so hard in the chest it stops his heart and kills him holy fuck like could you imagine

could you imagine yeah i mean i saw a fucking and a little chinese kid like went up and pet um pet a bull or something, or a fucking goat, or whatever the fuck it was.

And this thing, again, like, kicked this, this kid went pinwheeling across the fucking room.

Yeah, man.

Animals don't like to be touched from behind, I guess.

That would be the lesson, man, because these people were taking

from behind.

I think any creature on earth, there's not one creature that you could walk up to and touch its rear.

Without consent, right.

Yes, without consent.

Unexpectedly, you touch that part.

That is, that God put that reaction into every creature on the face of the earth.

Right, the hindquarter fucking kick is.

Are you able to read?

Read out loud?

Because your throat, I mean.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

We've all been wondering which one ended that.

Because I'd like the way you read.

And

so that's the first, that's the number one.

Out of the two countries is the first one.

Okay.

We talked about this one briefly, but we didn't really get into it because we were afraid.

Right.

We're not afraid anymore.

And I'm supposed to name the country, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

So this is from New Delhi.

Which is a nice place.

I've heard.

Beautiful culture, beautiful people.

India's

there is no way.

No way I'm rethinking that.

Right.

India's government has been on a public toilet building spree.

Now it's trying to shame people into using them.

But that's not in vogue now, is it, anymore?

Shaming people into trying to do things.

Regardless of what it is, evidently.

Right, you don't.

That's not a tactic you use in 2016.

No, you can't.

You can't shame people into doing anything anymore.

That's not cool.

That's right.

Hey, fatty, lose weight.

That's wrong.

Hey, skinny, gain weight.

That's wrong.

Right.

Yeah,

we're in a very sensitive society.

I actually,

you know, a lot's been going on in New York City.

You know, this week.

With the bombings?

With the bombings, and they closed Times Square.

What an asshole, man.

The dude fucking set up what ten fucking bombs and couldn't kill anyone fast even is

even isis is like nah with us

what an asshole but like i mean so new york city has had the bombings uh bomb scares which haven't even broken major news but if you live in new york city you've been hearing about it um

the president was in town the u.

conference new york city has been fucking a lot going on there are and this is not an exaggeration cops on every street corner yeah of new york city Think about that for a second.

That's not an exaggeration.

Every street corner.

And I have to say, before we get into this,

and this is coming from a person who just got a fucking moving violation from a cop.

These cops have been so professional and so

polite, and there's a real sense of like they're looking out for you.

So I just wanted to take a second to really just be like, it's fine.

I know cops are getting like a bad fucking rap lately,

but holy shit, man.

I was impressed by the level of professionalism going on by the NYPD.

It's been great.

Now, should we shame Q for protecting and speaking out for cops?

Because that's not.

You could try, but I don't care, man.

I don't give a fuck.

I don't give a fuck.

I'm off.

He'll get enough shaming online.

We don't need to do it for him.

I'm sure you're going to hear about it.

I'm sure I will, but

somebody's got to.

Say it for him.

They're doing a great job, man.

Great job.

I was in the city last week.

I noticed that, too.

I noticed there were quite a few police out there.

It's unbelievable.

They're closing streets.

They're suddenly stopping traffic and redirecting it.

And

that I noticed too.

New York is, I don't know how the fuck anyone lives there.

It's not usual.

It's an insane assistant.

It's now.

It's

maybe in the next segment of Hell on Earth.

Maybe New York gets under the spotlight.

Maybe New York gets under the spotlight.

If I were to vote last week, last Friday, if I were to vote, I would have been like Stephanie, New York.

Yeah.

The world's greatest.

There's guys pulling fucking hot, like full-size hot dog carts down the middle of Broadway.

There's people like

the don't walk, like the crosswalk signs mean nothing to people anymore.

They mean nothing in the city.

The light's green, and people are just like for you, and people are just, they just keep crossing, and you're like, I can't cross a street.

You got to nose your way through, bro.

I guess.

I'm not adverse to put an America, a city in America under this harsh light.

Okay.

So I'm definitely.

So far it's New York.

Not my New York, man.

Those fucking, those cops are on point.

Well, not because of the cops.

I meant because of the traffic.

Traffic is a hellhole.

And the fact that people are allowed to piss in the streets now, right?

Isn't that the rule?

Yeah, but people aren't.

What?

You didn't know this?

They do.

Yeah, they made it.

You criminalize that?

Yeah.

So you could pull your.

Well, you know why that is?

No.

You could take a shit in the streets.

Because now, I'm going to try and put this delicately and politically, Walter.

I want to hear this.

Apparently, there was a certain segment of the population that was peeing in the streets more than other sections, and they complained, claiming that.

Yo, stop the motorcade, motherfucker.

I got to take a piss.

Not saying nothing, not saying nothing to who, but they were complaining that

because cops were enforcing pissing on streets, it was unfair to this group of people.

I don't think it was black people.

I think it was just like they said socioeconomic.

It was homeless people.

Well, hey, I don't want to point anybody out.

Right.

But there was a group of people who were saying, like, because we are the ones that are breaking this law, we are the ones getting affected by this law, and that's not right.

I'm so glad you brought this up.

Okay.

This plays right into the return of Hell on Earth.

Okay.

Because

we are dealing, well, you are.

Sure.

I'm not dealing with that shit here at Red Bank.

No one's fucking pissing in the streets.

That's why Red Bank is never going to get under the fucking, is never going to be attacked.

Red Bank's never going to be a contender.

I agree with that.

Most likely not.

You're not shaming anyone into using the toilet.

Yeah, but like, but for

me to bring the well in this return segment to bring India back under the spotlight,

you have to say, like, hey, don't be so quick and judgmental because in a city 30 minutes away from here, it's happening there, too.

That's right.

Unfortunately,

I mean, I haven't seen an uptick.

Unfortunately, I haven't seen an uptick in urine all over the world.

We don't know.

I mean, who's to say it's so bad?

Well, I will tell you this.

Once they decriminalize weed, all of Manhattan smells like weed fucking constantly.

That I did notice.

Decriminalized?

Yeah, it's too criminalized.

It's when

last year.

Last year in the middle of the year.

If the cop even wants to enforce it, they can give you a ticket for it.

There's no more arresting for it now.

How is it not decriminalized?

You can get a ticket for it then.

Well, I think

you don't go to jail.

Like my brother, when he was much, much younger, he got caught smoking weed at one of the Washington Square Park or something, and they put him in the paddy wagon here.

But it's not against the law to smoke a stick.

Yeah, but it's like speeding now.

It's the same as speeding and jaywalking now that's pissing in the street.

So it's the you can't walk half a block of Manhattan without just smelling weed now.

Right.

But I have not seen an uptick in people pissing on the street.

But you're saying that you could do number two, even.

I don't know about that.

But why is it a but why?

What's the difference between one and two?

Because one will dry up or wash away in the rain.

Two is going to sit there and fucking

fucking stink up.

I think two is

two is more of a health concern.

And urine isn't?

I'm not saying urine isn't.

I'm just saying two is definitely more of a concern.

But number one is a problem like when it's en en masse.

Like if you're on Bourbon Street, like Bourbon Street smells like vomit and piss.

Anytime

you're at a fair or something, you know, like a, you know, like a county fair, those, those Johnny on the spots, like it's, it's that fucking smell.

So it's so fucked up, though, because you're talking about a matter of inches.

You're talking about if it comes out of this hole.

Yeah, you're talking about solid versus liquid.

True.

But it's the same thing.

It's waste.

It's not even near the same thing.

Oh, yes, it is.

It's waste, but it's like

highly shape.

Urine is technically sterile as it comes out, right?

That is correct.

Yes, that's true as well.

Whereas number two is not

sterile.

It's like you can't, like, you piss on your hand or something.

You can't, you can't

transmit disease, urine.

I mean, I imagine, is the guy pissing in your face

or like on a pot?

Well, he's allowed to.

This turns out like in New York, he's allowed to do whatever the fuck he wants.

My face is is now a toilet, apparently.

These second sound football again.

He's smoking a joint and pissing all over all the stuff.

It's the criminalized baby.

Let's see Spider-Man.

Hell longer.

All right, well, tell Keil what's going on

because apparently he's down with it in New York.

He doesn't care.

Let's see if he's here.

And this is why it's a little different than New York, I'm reading as well.

An aggressive new campaign ridicules those who are no longer poor, but continue to defecate in the open, a practice that remains common in rural India despite its growing wealth and trappings of modern life.

So defecate is taking a shit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

So these are people

they're like, hey, I'm old school, baby.

We can take your fancy toilets.

This nouveau-rich shit.

The bourgeois fucking lavatories.

Television commercials and billboards now carry a message that strike at the heart of the Indian contradiction of being the world's fastest growing major economy and also where one relieving oneself in the open is the norm in most villages.

Now, when they say villages, are they talking about like, I mean, this is New Delhi.

That's not a village.

They built millions of toilets.

They are not even getting used, though.

Right.

But they've set a target of 2019 to end the practice.

So three years to be like, guys,

come on, man.

2019.

Three years.

Think about it.

It's 2000.

Can you imagine we were like in the 70s?

We were going up, you're like, in 2019,

what will the world be like?

Flying cars, people shitting indoors.

Yeah.

The future.

So grand.

The same as it is now, except for flying cars.

Every level of all probably have like transport, like Star Trek, right?

Well,

like, what's it called?

Like, like, we'll have lasers and

robot service.

We'll have perfect smile veneers.

But the fact that they're using children in the commercials to try to tease old people into doing it, like the psychology is so fucked up.

Well, here you go.

The advertisements mock the very idea that India is developing.

The tagline says only the habit of using a toilet is real progress.

And the ridiculing is done by children.

Uncle, you.

Sage said the same thing to me this morning.

Uncle, you wear a tie around your neck, shoes on your feet, but you still defecate in the open.

What kind of progress is this?

So I guess, is it just older people that are like, like ornery older people that are like, you'll never change my ways?

And like the young people are like, hey.

So lick the lucky people.

So they don't wipe their asses then.

Oh, yeah, I think they do.

I mean, with what?

So they just leave

paper?

Well, I think they just leave everything outside.

But let me paint this picture for you, Q.

Your show is on.

Your show's on TV, and everyone's having a good time.

Commercial break.

Commercial break comes, and then they get shamed.

Everyone runs outside to take a shit.

Well, no, wait, but before they get, yeah, they aren't getting up to run outside to do it, but then this commercial comes on and tries to shame them.

Do you want people to be shamed in the stopping and maybe

going inside and using the toilet?

Or do you feel feel it's like, you know what?

This is a good question.

Just like you took a position on the police in New York being so hospitable,

in India,

they're like,

let these guys, this society, do what they do.

And, you know,

let's keep some traditions alive here.

Well,

you may have a smartphone in your hand, but you still squat on train tracks.

Yes.

That's good.

Why are the train tracks?

I mean, why?

Is that the most dangerous thing?

I mean,

more like, yeah, they're like, you dare me?

You fucking dare me?

Because I'll do it.

I mean, maybe there's just so many trains running through.

I mean, like, from where I live, it would be a 20-minute drive for me to go take a shit on the train tracks.

But why take a chance, though?

Like,

let's say things don't go that well while you're in the business of doing it.

And then you got to get up.

Let's say a train comes out of nowhere now.

You got to get up.

Why not just do it?

Why bother even on the train tracks?

What is it about the train tracks that you're trying to do?

Maybe the the train tracks are like, hey, it's a more isolated place.

Let's go on down by the train tracks and take a shit and then come back.

Because it's not like they're taking a shit at, say, the Red Bank train station.

You know what I mean?

It's like, say, somewhere between Mattawarling Limited tracks going through the background.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Somewhere between like Mattawan and Middletown.

You know, they're like, hey.

There's a commercial on.

The thing that struck me is, is that in that article or is that another article I read where they're talking about how

these people are going going outside, they're doing this, and it's the rainwater and everything is taking it into their own drinking water then?

People are getting sick.

I haven't got to that part yet, but this kind of makes sense.

Research shows that one of the reasons for the stubborn social practice is the centuries-old caste system, in which cleaning human waste was a job reserved for only the lowest caste.

Having a toilet at home is still considered unclean by many villagers, and they regard it cleaner to go into the open farms.

Yeah, which you say, which can cause water-borne diseases.

So, what's happening is they're like, hey, I'm too fucking fancy to shit in a toilet.

That's for fucking poor motherfuckers.

That makes no sense.

That doesn't make any sense at all.

But yeah, I guess it's the, you're right.

It's, it's a tradition.

They're like, they're like, what, but you want people that think we're fucking untouchables?

Of course we've got shit on the train tracks, you dummies.

Like, you get that, you're the advertising agency, right?

And you land this job.

You're like, hey, you got the no shitting on train tracks contract.

You're like, oh, boy.

How am I going to do this?

How do we do this?

How do we convince?

Isn't there like 5 billion people in India too?

So, let's say even 10% are doing this.

Dude, if even 1% are doing it, that's a ton.

How are trains even making it through?

They're like cow catchers in a throw.

Like icebreakers.

Brides were asked to shun grooms who did not use toilets.

In one campaign, rural men were admonished for making the veiled women in their families defecate in the open.

Oh, even the ladies do this, huh?

An unintended fallout of the campaign was that in many villages, toilets came to be regarded as important for women, not men.

See, oh, it's a good idea.

Well, if you're a chick, then it's like, cool, I guess.

Yeah.

I mean, it's got, I mean, it would be the most unfeminine thing in the world to be caught if you're outside.

Yeah, I'm just thinking about this hot Indian chick squatting in a field.

Or on a train track.

Or on a train track, yeah.

I bet you they don't wipe their asses, Walt.

I bet you they do not.

I read somewhere, like, I don't know how true this is, but in some Middle Eastern countries,

they wipe their ass with their left hand

and shake with their right hand.

I don't know if that's true or not.

Critics say that this endorsed patriarchal attitudes, an unintended fallout.

You want to go to

the bottom?

I mean,

that means that in America, being subject to patriarchal attitudes has a whole different fucking meaning than in India, where it's like, oh, wait, I get to use a toilet instead of shitting in a field.

Well, I guess that's pretty cool.

Yeah,

I don't know, man.

All right, well, let me hear you.

Let me give you example number two up for debate today.

Okay.

Second.

It's not necessarily going to be number one.

It's just a different city.

It's not.

Well, I don't know.

You know, I mean, I'm not, as you may

guess, a lot of listeners out there probably, I'm not that great with my globe.

So I don't think that this is part of India.

Sweden.

But this one is this one's lunacy.

Okay.

Hey, Walt here, we got to take a quick commercial break.

And if you're one of those people that uses the commercial break to relieve yourself, please use a toilet.

Thank you.

FanDuel, all the patches went out, Q.

Oh, really?

Yeah,

how many were there?

Had to be almost 20, over 25.

Really?

I even let people in who couldn't fucking follow directions.

Okay.

I was getting complaints that the FanDuel League wasn't ready.

Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, obviously it was ready because, you know, for some people,

I'm like it on the internet, too.

I'm kind of clueless on the internet, so I can understand not being able to figure out.

But

that league that week was up and running.

So if you joined up that and you were the first 25, you definitely got a patch.

Well, I shouldn't say definitely.

There's nothing definite in life.

But I definitely sent out over 25 patches,

not last week, but the week before that.

So if you don't get it, refer to his previous comment of nothing is definite.

Do you think you know fantasy football, Walt?

Well, prove it.

I know football.

I definitely know my football, but I don't know about fantasy.

I don't know.

So, I mean, we may be the wrong podcast for this.

That's all they talked about on set.

Fantasy football.

Hey, I'm going to get this guy.

I'm going to buy that guy.

Yeah.

I like to watch my football and not have to worry about the stats.

That's all they care about, right?

That's what you said.

It's like all stats.

It becomes not about winning or losing anymore.

It becomes about

who's got better stats.

And to me, that I know that

it's made the game even more interesting for a lot of people, but for me, it doesn't do anything for me.

But you can win a shitload of money.

You win a lot of money, though.

That's what matters.

Everybody loves money.

Yeah.

I mean, I've never met anybody who didn't like money.

People say

you can't buy happiness.

People say money's the root of all evil.

I'm here to tell you, you can buy happiness, and it is not the root of all evil.

Isn't it like for the love of money is the root of all evil?

I don't know.

But I've been broke, and I've had a little pocket change, and I could tell you 100% I'm a lot happier when I have a lot of evil.

When you got some money.

Yeah.

But I've also lost.

When I got some folding money.

Folding money's come on, Stowe.

But you can't deny you've seen people do some fucked up shit over money, though.

Sure, but I've seen fucked people do fucked up shit over love.

I've seen people do fucked up shit over almost anything.

Religion, you know?

So I don't see why money should get a bad rap.

I could use a pressure cooker.

Yeah.

And there are guys out there wasting them, turning 10 of them into bombs.

I could really use a pressure cooker at home.

Yeah.

I have realized

how hard it is to make money in this fucking world, man.

It's fucking next to impossible to make any money in this fucking world.

Like, the rules are set against everybody.

Like, real money.

Real money.

Yeah.

Well, that's what maybe, yeah, but that's what.

Don't get too focused on that, though.

But I don't lose sight of what's really important.

It's not money.

No.

It's happiness.

And you're saying, it's true.

Money can bring

some

legitimate happiness.

But it also could make you lose sight of the real things that really matter in your pursuit of the almighty dollar.

I'm not saying you are.

No.

Oh, I feel I have a good balance.

Yeah.

But people can.

I've seen it.

I don't like it.

Not in you.

On you.

Not on you.

Not in you.

Oh, not on you.

I thought you were going to leave it at that.

Not in you.

But I'm just saying, and I don't like it.

It's a turn-off for me.

It's one of my big turn-offs.

Right.

If you were in a Playboy Center fold and then it was peeves, like that would be one listed.

Yeah,

put too much importance on money, yeah.

That can definitely

turn me cold.

I have a headache if I hear that.

Turn you into a cold fish.

Yeah.

That's why I'm afraid almost to play in the TESD league at fanbook.com slash TESD.

I put in five bucks.

What if I win back like five million and then I change?

I'm willing to risk it well you lose half of that in taxes right off the bat so really it's two point five and that wouldn't change me no you'd be all right you could probably stay yourself with two point five five million I think you know it's not possible to stay yourself I go nuts you go fucking crazy go to fan duel.com click the join now button and use my promo code TESD that's fan duel dot com promo code TESD void where prohibited should I give any kind of a promotion for this week we We didn't do one for last week.

Should we do one for this week?

I mean, I want to make more work for yourself.

It's not that.

I love it.

Yeah.

Could you do that?

I don't mind doing it.

Yeah, I'm a centric patch.

Oh, no, I have patches to give away that I can't make up a new patch and get it out within a week.

I mean,

that's the definition of making more work for me.

Yeah.

Not sending out patches I already have and I just dropped in an envelope and I put a stamp on.

Anybody even get them?

No, no, I did it.

Actually, no, get him did.

Yeah, get him labeled the envelopes.

He licked them?

Get him's DNA?

No, get him, did help.

Well, yeah, get him.

You know what?

I mean, we haven't talked about Get Him, but we're on an upswing.

Upswing?

Yeah, really good two weeks the last two weeks.

You haven't been around two weeks.

Really strong two weeks.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's been.

He's doing his job.

Yeah, he's just been.

I think he's finding his niche.

I think he's found

his place.

Oh, yeah.

He knows his place.

No, I think everybody has to find their place.

There's pecking orders, aren't there?

In anything?

The firehouse, I'm sure there were.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, the first year of the firehouse, I wasn't comfortable.

An entire year.

Just got to find out where you fit in, man.

So he's still,

he's like a stash prospect right now.

He's a probey.

Yeah, he's washing your pants.

Yeah.

As he should be, as he should be.

He's bringing you paper towels, Q.

He did bring me paper towels.

Like, I crumpled up an occale.

He immediately took my trash away for me.

Yeah, he's

found his

role, and

maybe one day he'll be doing that to

a proby.

Yeah.

You know, one day he'll get the proby somebody.

But right now,

in all seriousness, no, it's been good.

He's opening the proby mic in the basement.

Maybe that's what they were all day today.

That's why you like him so much.

It's so quiet.

Chief's rocking a beard, huh?

Oh, yeah, for all summer.

But it looks like he's grown it out.

He looks Serpigo-ish, don't he?

Yeah, yeah, it looks good.

Al Pacino, right there.

Yeah.

You don't think so?

Al Pacino.

I mean, his hair is the same color as like a fox now.

Like a red fox.

Red fox in the eye.

All right, so let's see.

What can we do, Q, for the people this week on FanDo?

You don't want to just do more patches?

Like, I can't, like, the first 25 again?

Yeah.

All right.

First 25 people that join up

are going to get a patch.

If you are not one of the first 25,

do not send me any information.

If you cannot figure out how to do it, don't send me an information.

If you send me a screenshot of you're the first 25, for God's sake, put your address in so I can send you the fucking patch.

Do not just send me a screenshot and be like, here, I did it, and now you expect the patch to magically show up.

The patch elf does not fucking exist.

It's not just going to show up in your mailbox.

You've got to include it at a mailing address.

And it has to be within America.

And I know people get pissed and they send me emails like, well, what about people who don't live in America?

How can we do it?

You can't.

But I want a patch.

It's not fair.

This is not the right.

But, you know,

the first 25.

I cannot send out international patches.

It's just, I mean,

I'm more than willing to drop a couple bucks on my own on a stamp within America.

But if I'm sending out international patches, it just gets, you know, I don't, I'm not, you know, like Q says, the root of all evil is money.

That's one of the reasons why we can't do it.

I actually took the opposite opinion on that.

Yeah, for all of you.

All right, well, Q,

you want to pick up the

anybody international that wants to pick up the match?

International patch fucking costs?

No.

All right, so unfortunately, if you're listening and you're not in America, this is not open to you.

I don't even think they can join the league.

No, and I don't even think there's some states that can't join the league either.

I understand.

We'll do something else.

We're going to do something else next week.

We've got a major announcement next week, and I'm going to, and I'm going to throw in some patch incentives to that.

Not patch action.

I got to get rid of these last fucking patches of patches.

And, whoa, batches of patches.

And once I get rid of them, then I'm fucking, we're done with patches for a while.

Sorry, Q.

No, it's all right.

I got patches right now.

I'm good.

All right.

Okay, we're back.

Okay.

Let's take a look at this.

All right.

So you got number one firmly in mind, right, Q?

You know, you got all the details.

Do you any other information before you wait?

No, no.

You know, I do know that India faces a lot of challenges, but it's a beautiful, beautiful country.

Okay.

Okay.

They say the dead live on in our hearts and minds, but in one Indonesian province, the deceased continue to walk the earth in a more literal, zombie-like fashion.

Families in

Turaha, in South

Sulawesi.

Holy shit.

Dig up the bodies of their dead relatives before washing, grooming, and dressing them in new fancy clothes.

Even dead children are exhumed.

Damaged coffins are fixed or replaced, and the mummies are then walked around the providence I'm sorry, the province, by following a path of straight lines.

The ritual is called manin or the ceremony of cleaning corpses.

According to the ancient Turahan or Turajan belief system, the spirit of the dead person must return to its village of origin.

Oh, this looks fucked up.

Oh, God, this looks fucked up.

So if a person died on a journey, the family would go to the place of death and accompany the deceased back home by walking them back to the village.

I mean, God, they must have a lot of free time, right?

I mean, is this?

Like, let's say I died in Wisconsin and my family's like, oh, shit, we got to walk them back to New Jersey.

What do they mean by walk them back?

I guess they dress them up like this, and I don't know if, like, maybe they put them on a cart or something.

Because right here, he's just putting like a hat on the guy.

Those are pretty dried-up fucking corpses.

Yeah.

They're all wet and shit.

Oh, God, look at him, man.

He's combing her hair.

that looks fucking nuts dude is this is this the most fucking insane

it looks like halloween

like these are halloween uh

decorations imagine being living there and and having to partake in this look at these little kids

explains it what they're what you're saying though yeah it's like these um in need of a comb oh wait a second uh even the children the skeleton of a dead baby has a floral dress laid on top of it as a boy clutches a fluffy pink doll and stares worriedly worriedly down the camera lens.

And I guess that's his mom right there.

And the baby must have died.

And this kid is like, what the fuck?

And has like this,

has this pink doll.

It looks like a teddy bear, except with a child's face on it.

And then just the skull, it looks like, right, of

the baby.

And then there's a, what a drag.

The dead bodies are dragged from where they died back to the village, always following a path of straight lines.

So they, so it's like,

and there they are, fucking hanging out, back together again.

A couple stands reunited and dressed in brand new clothes.

A boy places a dead relative back into a coffin.

He's smiling too, that kid.

I mean, these bodies are, they're mummified.

It's not like

they're like falling apart or anything.

Okay, so

this is in Indonesia.

That is

pretty crazy.

Yeah, but doesn't

see that doesn't

more weird to me than like, oh, this place is a shithole.

That's a shithole.

I'm sure it is.

I mean,

there's nothing aside from like,

if you were just to take this article unto itself, you'd be like, well, that's a weird custom.

But yeah.

You have to.

Was it Indonesia?

Yeah, it's.

I'll spell it for you.

I'll spell it for everyone.

Practical joker.

You're not on an Indonesia.

I don't know yet.

Hold on.

There's got to be a fucking IJ gagging that, digging up relatives.

Oh, I had, I'll tell you later.

I did have, I did have a

IJ idea for you.

Okay.

I'll tell it to you in secret.

I think we are, guys.

Indonesia.

Yeah.

Man, you're in some...

Do they vet these countries?

Are they like, whatever?

pay the they pay the fucking fee to fucking carry it out yeah True TV HD currently only available on First Media based in Indonesia since December 2014 I can't

so so maybe you guys doing a practical joke where like they you pretend one of their fucking relatives died way farther away than they actually did

and they're like what yeah so you're so you're are you telling us that I'm saying that I kind of

weighing

I kind of see their point with this whole dressing zombie thing.

Is it something that

we shouldn't look down upon?

I don't think we should look down upon, man.

I think that that's divisive, and I think we as a people need to come together.

Corpse shaming.

Yeah, don't corpse shame.

I'm down with it.

Now, I wonder, like, is there.

Can you look this up, Q?

See how big this fucking place is.

Can you read that, whatever that was?

South Sulawesi?

The village?

No.

What do you want me to look up?

The South.

What is it?

It's up top.

Oh, S-U-L.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

South.

Fucking motherfucker.

South.

S-U-L.

S-U-L.

A-W.

You got it.

E-S-I.

South Sulawesi.

It looks like a beautiful place, actually.

Not even just saying that for the gag.

What do you want to know?

Well, like, how big is it?

Like, how big of a...

Population of 8 million and change.

So it's, what, about the size of New York?

A little bit smaller?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's not that big.

It looks like a little island.

Oh, it's a little island?

It's part of a chain.

Oh, there you go.

How does this shit happen, man?

Like, how does...

I mean, I guess it's like anything else.

Like, you look at religious customs in this country.

Depending on the religion.

Like, remember we were talking about the blowjob rabbis and shit?

Like, all that stuff that's still, like, there may be other countries that look at that shit and they're like, huh?

We definitely got our own little rituals that, you know, that

people in other countries definitely raise their eyebrow at.

Nothing like this, though.

No.

Nothing where you're digging people up.

That would be fucking...

That would be...

I mean, that would be dramatic, right?

Is there any way...

What if isn't the word?

I mean, it's absolutely mental.

It's absolutely bordering on

psychotic.

Yeah.

Like, what do they think?

Because it doesn't say in the article, what do they think that, like, these, these guys won't rest peacefully until they get back to their village of origin?

And who the fuck is that?

They're digging them up to change their clothes.

Yeah.

Like, did the original person who made it up, did they just want to inconvenience someone?

They're like, I know what I'll do.

I'll write this shit down that, like, no matter where I die, they got to bring me back to my village.

Because it was, like, something they wanted to do.

It's probably somebody who just wants to fucking some fucking Jeffrey Dahmer fuck.

Like, I know how I'll fucking get this,

since I want to touch fucking dead bodies, I'll start this ritual.

Okay.

Yeah, and then everybody will be touching dead bodies.

Yeah, then I won't, then I won't look like the fucking freak.

The village freak.

So we need to weigh in, though.

I mean, we got it.

That's part of the segment is somebody gets championed here tonight.

Can I have to, if I have to vote, I'll have to go in Indonesia.

But I don't know.

You don't have to vote.

Oh, you can sustain.

You're going to go Indonesia.

That's more fucked up than everybody shitting on train tracks and having commercials where kids are like, hey, you have a motorcycle and a fucking modern toaster.

Why do you have to shit on train tracks?

You know, we're very popular in India.

And, you know, that makes me think that

they know what they do.

You can abstain, though.

You don't have to.

You could just be like, I'm.

I'm going to have to abstain from this one.

Okay, so then me and Brian have to have to, we don't have nothing to lose.

No.

Do you want me to see if AMC plays?

Yeah, I think there's like two other, I think we can't say Australia and like one other country or shitholes.

Those are the only other places comic book menu.

Which I wouldn't, yeah.

Australia is beautiful.

I don't think they're having any problems with their

they know what a toilet's for.

They're not digging up anybody.

Yeah, they're not digging up relatives, I don't think.

All right.

All right, so we don't, Q, we don't care.

Okay.

We are not beholden.

We We are not slaves to our network anymore.

Okay.

Yep.

And we are ready to weigh in on this with

no fear

of repercussions.

Great.

Ry,

who are you nominating it?

Okay, well, I'm going to say that Indonesia and digging people up is creepier and weirder, and I don't quite get the custom.

But don't use the ⁇ I know you're thinking ⁇ are you thinking too literally when I use the word shithole that you're talking fecal?

No.

No, I'm thinking that...

I don't want you to get hung up on just a name as being weighing in.

Right.

I know that in this situation, yeah, like I may be swayed by the actual shit, not even being put into a hole, but being piled up

on train tracks and what have you.

I'm going to say that India, a place where, like, these people are just doing it because they're, like,

you know, it's a religious thing.

They're like, hey, I got to get my loved one back to, for whatever,

by hook or by crook, I got to to get my loved one back to his fucking original village

these Indian people are like fuck it

I don't care if there's a toilet I don't care that there's progress I'm using a cell phone I'm driving in a car I'm doing all these other modern things but hey because of the caste system like it's it's mind-bending it's mind-bending that that you could take like arguably the most disgusting substance a person can produce arguably and flush it away

what's all the arguments vomits in there, too.

Vomit's pretty gross.

But you can flush it away and then it's gone.

And you never have to think about it again.

That's the beauty of America.

You flush that toilet, unless it's in your house and it clogs up, and then there's a pump.

The norm is it's gone.

You never think about it ever again.

I'm really, really happy that

you've given so much thought to it.

I'm glad that you just didn't just

go in

haphazardly with a with a with a you know, you really weighed well thought-out argument.

I will say this: I'm impugning an entire country.

If I didn't know that India was such a marvelous

selfie,

you start to fucking break through.

If I didn't know that.

That country was such a beautiful country of beautiful people and great culture.

If I didn't know that, I'd probably have to say it's pretty fucking gross to go out to the fucking train tracks and take a shit and just leave it there.

I mean, that's fucking horrible.

Because Because you're just farting in the breeze while a fucking train's coming at you, blasting shit.

What if you have diarrhea?

Any number of situations.

You know, it's got to be prevalent.

You've seen the food that they eat.

They are not wiping their asses while wiping out.

Oh, yeah, Indian food's rough, man.

Maybe if you're maybe if you're used to it, it's not as rough, but

I do like Indian food.

I'm not even just saying that.

Oh, I don't think it's rough at all, yeah.

I mean, it's rough on.

But it could be rough on your stomach, right?

Without a doubt, there's a lot of diarrhea lying around.

Let me tell you.

Now, this is not an anti-Indian statement, but I'm so like,

I can't, I don't like to do like number two on train tracks or even like in public anywhere, but like I carry those like those wipes.

Like, I hate toilet paper.

Right.

I hate it.

So

I don't think these guys are doing the same thing.

I don't think they.

Well, you know what?

I don't like to speculate, though.

They may have.

I'm never bringing in speculation now into the argument.

That's true.

There is nothing in that article to even give any any suggestion that they're not - that they're not.

That they don't have Continental travel packs with them.

But there's nothing to lead us to believe that they're not taking care of and making sure everything's clean when they're done.

So I don't even want to use that.

I think that should be stricken from the argument.

Okay, so that's off the record.

Wow, so they don't use toilet paper.

Okay, well, there it goes.

Back on the record.

They don't use it.

Oh, how gross it must smell.

They go out there and then

they use their hand to clean it off and then they wash out.

This is what they're saying.

It says they wash their hand off?

Where are they washing their hand?

They think it's disgusting to use toilet paper.

You're just smearing it around.

I agree.

That's why.

No.

We definitely have that in common.

All right.

So I haven't weighed in yet.

Right.

You're going with India.

Their lack and their inabilities to come to terms that it's not.

Toilets exist.

And they don't have to wait till 2019.

And Q, if you could vote, which you're not,

which I admire you, at least being a company man on this one.

But

if you could vote, you would go into it too.

If you had to.

If I had a gun to your head.

Yeah.

If I put a gun to your head, you would think that I'd need you to do it.

If I had to put out of my mind what a wonderful country it is with beautiful people and beautiful culture, then yes, I'd have to do that.

And then so I could make it unanimous right now.

You could.

And

put them on the top of the heap.

they would win the first i mean win the first bracket yeah i guess and uh and i think uh i'm gonna have to go a unanimous cross-the-board uh declaration that

in the very first ever debate of of hell on earth the world's greatest shitholes india is going to uh be up at the top of there and who's going to take them down

no well then in future episodes well i want maybe maybe some people out there some listeners can send me some potential candidates.

And in a couple months, maybe we'll bring it back.

And we'll see what the reaction is.

We may have to make an apology next week.

I don't know.

I feel like anyone aside from Indians are going to be like, well, that's fucked up.

You know, like, they're the only ones that are like, well, that seems normal.

Well, it's going to be hard to, I think it's going to be even hard for some people who are going to defend it, even if they're like, it's not cool that, you know,

privileged Americans are going to look down their nose at this.

I think it's going to be hard even for those people to argue that.

Well, especially since, according to the article, privileged Indians are looking down their nose at toilets.

They're like, we don't want to use them.

They're refusing.

All right, so let's play a music one more time before we're out of this segment.

Just to let everybody know this segment's over.

I just want to give this Jay Sartre some more love.

What a great

theme he put together for this.

Hold on.

A world's great

shitholes.

Oh, boy.

What else you got?

Blue Aprons, it's all about eating healthy Q Blue Apron.

How do we do these commercials interspersed, or do we just put them in a chunk?

No,

we were asked to have ins and outs.

Declan asked me to provide, like, hey, hey, real quick, I got to take a break from this

amazing conversation and do a quick ad break.

And I'd be like, okay, now we're back.

Okay.

But do we air all three commercials at once?

Back to back to back.

No.

Oh.

No.

Well, they want one in the middle.

They want one towards the quarter end and then maybe another one at the very end.

Yeah, I think

they're coming in all at the end.

And people may not listen.

Right.

That's the fear.

There's no greater fear

than this podcast.com.

Yeah, blue apron.

I think I'm going to start using these guys, man.

I'm going to try to.

I've got to lose a couple pounds, man.

I've got to lose some more weight.

You're fucking great, dude.

Yeah, you look smelt.

I thought you were on blue apron.

No, I got to get on blue apron.

I thought you were on the apron.

Are you going back up in weight, do you think?

No, I don't think so.

I think I'm just holding steady.

Yeah, you lost weight, man.

You lost a lot of weight.

Yeah, but like now that with winter and I'm not like

doing as much walking around and shit, you know, so

how about this cue?

Okay.

Anybody who joins up for blue apron.

Patch.

A patch.

Not the first 25.

This is just, you send me a screenshot that you can.

How much do these patches cost to make?

A lot.

All right.

But you know what?

How many are you going to give away for this fucking blue apron that we get like fucking pennies in the dollar for?

But I want to get rid of these patches.

Until all the patches are gone,

this is an open promote.

You join Blue Apron, you're going to get a patch.

We basically do these ads as a favor, and you're going to give away our patches on them.

I got to get rid of them.

Nobody wants them.

The patches?

Well, I mean, like, because you know, people were selling them, you know, and then I thought maybe, you know, maybe we shouldn't do patches, but I already bought this new batch of patches.

Batches of patches.

That's got to be the title of the episode.

So I thought, like, you know, maybe maybe the patch idea is just run its course.

So I just want to get rid of this last

batch.

And

maybe this is a great way, you know?

This is not a new design.

This is the same design.

This is the door is locked and I am clocked out patch.

This is your way to get it.

I don't, again, it may not be open within America, but we know this is open anywhere in the country, though.

So, you know, if you are not, if you're close to FanDuel, Blue Aprons

strings, apron strings are open.

Blue Apron's awesome, too.

It's really good.

I do use it.

It's not one of these fucking products we don't use.

You seem like the type that would eat heirloom tomatoes.

I fucking love a good heirloom tomato, bro.

Of course.

Why wouldn't you?

What is an heirloom tomato?

I'm just reading it right here, right there.

The word heirloom just.

Isn't it like a yellow tomato?

Is I'm on the

other side of connotations of old, though.

Like regal, though, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's like, this is your grandma's fucking tomato.

If it was good enough for her, it should be good enough for you.

Tomatoes, here we go.

Heirloom tomato?

Yeah, they're like, isn't,

I mean, it's just bullshit.

Wait a second.

An heirloom tomato is an open-pollinated heirloom cultivar of tomato.

Like, what the fuck does that even mean?

I don't know.

But it's

apron is bringing you the best.

It's better than a fucking French fry.

Yeah, that's for sure.

You're right about that.

You're going to eat a fried green tomato or an heirloom tomato, fool.

Cooking together builds strong family bonds.

Research shows that blue apron families cook nearly three times more often.

Yeah.

Inexpensive.

I cook with my son all the time.

Mm-hmm.

I made a spiced pork burger with cheese with sage the other day.

She fucking loved it.

Do you guys feel closer than ever?

Yeah.

She was like, put a fucking heirloom tomato on there, dummy.

I said, all right, calm down.

Put some ravioli on me, bitch.

Oh, my God, the ravioli.

Still?

Ravioli and Ilios.

It's insane.

She hasn't gotten out of it, huh?

Ilios.

Ilios.

That's not good food for her.

No, that's what I said.

I was like, you got to stop eating this crap.

Yeah, but she only eats it because you provide it.

Get her the blue apron.

I'll give you a patch.

All right.

I'm like, well, we don't have any ravioli or ilios, but you did get this sweet patch.

Blueapron.com/slash T-E-S-D.

Send me the screenshot to KMUS2 at gmail, and you will get a patch if you join up.

Not only that, but here's the call to action, Walt.

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That's unbelievable by going to blueapron.com/slash T-E-S-D.

I mean, you try it out, you don't like it, you don't fucking eat it.

No one's going to try and not like it.

It's fucking awesome.

Right.

Blue Apron, a better way to cook.

Oh, boy.

Wow.

Not much.

Q, I know that you.

Oh, I could reveal the Hillary Clinton Clinton thing today as well, too.

Oh, okay.

The long con with Hillary Clinton, because it's not going to happen.

Oh, really?

Why he was sucking Hillary's.

Yeah, I remember.

Why you officially were endorsing her?

Do you sure you want to do that?

I can do it because it's not going to happen.

Was she supposed to appear on IJ or something?

Her campaign reached out to see if she could appear on IJ.

Really?

Yeah.

And you said who said no?

Well, we didn't say no.

We had a debate about it because we didn't want to endorse anybody politically.

But we were like, ratings-wise, it would be a home run.

And I figured it would be a good joke to come in here and tout Hillary.

Was that a unanimous feeling on all four Jokers that they didn't, where they were fearful of the backlash, all four of you?

Well, not the backlash.

We just our show is so

broad.

Yeah.

We don't want to plan any flags.

I mean, that's actually awesome.

I mean, it's

that's not the first thing that popped in my mind, but it's actually absolutely the smartest thing that would pop into your mind is like, yeah, if we have her on,

you know, some of our fan base, you know, who are not a fan of her are not going to be happy.

And is it worth it to our fanbook?

Yeah, and then we were like, well, the fucking press and ratings alone would be worth it.

But we didn't want to, you know, we don't want to offend anybody.

So it was

that, but it's just not going to happen.

We were going to have Trump on comic book men, but we felt the same way.

We didn't want to align ourselves.

So I can officially withdraw my

endorsement, huh?

My endorsement, yeah.

No, now I'm going back to my normal

trumpet.

Who gives a shit?

Oh, okay, all right.

Yeah, yeah, who gives a shit.

So, yes, so for all those people that were like, fuck you, fucking tell them to stop sucking Hillary's dick.

I was doing it on this show for the joke.

Yeah, now you know.

Keyline.

What happened, though?

It just went away.

It just never.

Did you guys have a game, like any kind of plan in the

last one?

Not really.

It was early, early talks.

Apparently, someone in a campaign's a fan of the show and thought it would be a good a good way to make it happen but it just it ended up not and i figured with the election only a couple of months away like she either would have shown up already or not yeah so i can i can withdraw my uh

nomination i mean there's so many possibilities though like so many things you could have did with i know i know i think trump's gonna win anyway so i think he's gonna win you could have had her shitting on train tracks i know that would have been awesome you think trump's gonna win i think in my mind and i of course i could be be wrong.

I'm frequently wrong.

It's almost a lock he's going to win.

Oh, I don't.

Wow.

I disagree.

I don't think there's anybody who's a lock.

Well, my reasoning is this.

He's pretty close to her in the polls, right?

And with all the talk about how, if you're a Trump supporter, you're a racist, and all this Trump shaming, shall we call it, going on, I think a lot of people...

are not even going to say anything.

Just get in there and hit that button when nobody's watching.

Contrarian.

I think so.

I think people are like, fuck you.

I think they've gone too far with the

political correctness and all that stuff.

I don't agree with Trump.

I'm not a fan of his, really.

Also, I think the

just the spate of out-of-control shit, the terrorist stuff, a lot of people buy, like, they

feed off that.

And they feel like

they feel Trump will do something.

Well, they feel he'll do something, whereas Hillary, like, they wouldn't even say the word terrorist or whatever the fuck.

I don't remember.

I don't really feel like that.

But if there's also someone on the fence, let's say you were on the fence, right?

And you were like, I don't know.

Like, I haven't really looked into it.

And then suddenly there's some fucking liberal fuck tard sitting on TV going, like, if you vote for Trump, you're a racist.

Like, even though you're not in his corner, you could feel like insulted and defensive about it.

Well, I mean, she did insult

his whole

half of the United States

deplorable.

And, like,

somebody made the analogy of like, she has never spoken in such

tones about

fucking

ISIS.

Yeah.

I mean, she's never come out and spin that

disgusted about the enemy that

the free world faces.

Yeah.

So

I agree with you that there is going to be people that just cannot get over that.

But my gut says that I think it could be a landslide.

For Hillary.

Yeah.

We'll see.

Man,

I don't have any fucking daughter.

I think you've got a lot of people, young people, who are not,

who just can't get their head around

that they could have somebody like Trump in the White House.

I think a lot of young people are very, very

against a lot of what he brings to the table.

Yeah, but those are the people that are vocal, that you hear and shit.

There's a whole new thing.

They're much more vocal.

It's a whole South.

It's just so annoying, though.

They just won't stop.

They're not They just won't stop.

I mean, I'm a liberal.

I'm way more liberal than I am anywhere near conservative.

And it's like, and I find them so fucking annoying.

Because it's a non-stop

sermon.

It's a non-stop judgment.

It's non-stop, fucking sanctimonious, fucking bullshit that you've heard a thousand times, but they regurgitate as if it's an original thought.

And you're like, especially as an older person, you're like, I don't want to hear this shit anymore.

I get it.

Can I ask you a question, though?

I mean, just try to be as honest as you can, though.

Yeah, of course.

India.

Show.

Let's say

a major event happens in 2017, something that really affects the country.

Right.

Who were you really out of the two do you feel can handle a crisis better?

Probably Hillary.

I think a lot of people think that way.

You know, just her pedigree.

Pedigree, knowledge, people she'll surround herself with.

Probably Hillary.

I think that, and I think, doesn't that mean, isn't that like, isn't that almost a bottom line?

I mean,

not that I'm not saying I'm not for either one of them.

I don't, I mean, I've always been somebody that didn't give a fuck.

It doesn't really change anything for me.

I agree.

I agree, but I do think that so much of this election is going to hinge on emotion rather than

and I do think like the second cultural appropriation became a thing I was like we're out of control like the fucking nobody's driving the car anymore like if you wear like if I read an article that said if you wear Aztec fucking patterns that you're that you're making

whoever fucking culture came up with it less than human because you're stealing their stuff and I'm like Aztec patterns like that's where we're at in the fucking world like Chile's restaurant or whatever the fuck

you know like these Mexican themed restaurants are racist now, and you're like, holy fuck, dude.

Chipotle's racist?

It's appropriate, dude.

It's tasty racism.

It's like,

why are white Americans cooking Mexican food?

It's cultural appropriate.

The Chipotle I go to.

I don't see any white Americans cooking food.

Well, that's what they're saying.

And it's like, we've hit that level of it that it's like,

it's just insane.

Yeah, and I just read Disney.

I guess there's a new movie coming out.

Wow.

There was a costume.

There was a costume where the upper body had tattoo like polynesian tattoos and um it was like a grass skirt and some lady i don't know who it was but she got all worked up saying like well if you dress up as a different race it's it's appalling it's inappropriate it's disgusting it's this it's that

so uh yeah disney had to apologize and pull the molana

and the idea of like it's like wearing another culture's clothes without permission it's like who the fuck are you asking permission like you got to go to every fuck if i want to wear throwing a sombrero i got to to go to every fucking Mexican and be like, Do you mind if I wear the sombrero?

Don't wear a mini sombrero, whatever you do.

Mini sombreros at college parties don't go over well.

It's just insane.

It's just like we're at such an insane level.

Can you weigh in, though?

If there's a major crisis, who would you prefer to handle it out of the two?

Depends on what the crisis is.

Okay.

I mean, I want to see the world unmade, so here I say.

Some people just want to watch the world burn.

Let's say it's not a man-made crisis.

Let's say it's a natural disaster.

Who do you want handling it?

Honestly, I think either one would be fine because I don't really think they handle it.

I think they have so many people around them that would handle it that Hillary is not fucking calm the shots, and nor is Trump that I agree with.

That's why the whole tax thing is just like the president doesn't even control the tax rate.

Which Trump's like, I'm going to lower the top-tier tax rate to like 30, which believe me, I fucking hope.

But it's like they have zero power.

I think Trump says a lot of shit like I'm gonna do this and it's like you can't do that you can't even if you wanted to you couldn't do it and Hillary I mean not not the

is 70 too old to be a president do you think like getting in the shape of 70 yeah I think she's

68 is he Trump's 70 yeah I thought he was like in his early 60s.

I'm not saying he's even better.

Is it too old?

Yeah, like

with Obama, yeah, I know.

But like with Obama, at least you had like a young, fucking energetic hip dude that you could, you know, I couldn't really relate to, but at least he's not fucking as old as your grandparents.

He's not your fucking Eboila.

Yeah, but that comes with

age is supposed to come with wisdom, though.

Yeah, or fucking senility, you know.

Like when she was passing out the other day, she was falling in, she was falling down.

That has nothing to do with it.

She had the vapors.

But that does nothing to do with senility, though.

No, but

she was just hot.

Yeah.

Well, she had pneumonia, they said, right?

Yeah, she was just sick.

I mean, like, I mean, I've passed out.

When did you pass out?

When did you pass out?

Maybe.

When did this happen?

I don't know.

I passed out.

I had chickenpox.

When was this?

I was like 15.

Yeah, see, if I was on a death panel, you wouldn't be here right now.

Yeah, so yeah, I mean, I mean, people pass out.

You don't have to, like.

Yeah, you're not presidential candidates at like rallies or whatever.

Wasn't she at a rally?

9-11 something or other?

She just kind of like shimmied a little.

She shimmied over to the van.

It was just a shimmy.

All right, I'll give her a shimmy.

That's cool.

And you're talking about somebody who is at that age in that kind of heat.

You know, I mean, I don't think it's that uncommon.

Hey, man, if the fuck, what do you say?

If it's too hot, get out of the kitchen, old lady.

Isn't that the same?

This is the politics I like to talk about.

I don't give a fuck about Hillary Ort Trump.

I want to talk about Anthony Weiner.

Oh, he's back?

He's back, man.

And he's sexted in 15-year-olds, allegedly.

Now?

Still?

Can you believe this guy?

His old friend.

He didn't throw his fucking phone in the East River.

He did not.

Oh, he's fucking moron.

He's sick in the head, man.

They've issued a subpoena for his cell phone and other records because he was allegedly exchanging sexually explicit text messages with a 15-year-old girl who I think was in the UK.

The online sexting relationship allegedly went on for months between Wiener and a girl claiming to be just 15.

And she said he sent her numerous photos, one of him in a pool and at least one bare-chested.

Oh, God.

And

he's saying he's provided the Daily Mail with information showing that he has likely been the subject of a hoax.

Now, you were either hoaxed or you weren't.

If you thought it was a 15-year-old,

it may as well have been a 15-year-old.

That's right.

Right.

That is correct, yes.

And he said,

I had the

hoax is that he never texted her at all, and she did up a.

I think maybe he's saying the hoax is that she was saying she was of age, maybe?

Well, now you can't blame him for that.

Because he said what are you supposed to do?

Well, what he said was pretty.

He said in one message, he tells the girl I would bust that tight pussy.

Oh, he actually spoke that vulgar?

Yeah.

He wouldn't get fully nude, but was usually shirtless and wearing boxers.

What is a girl supposed to say to that?

Yeah, does that work?

I would bust your tight pussy.

What was the response?

Does that work that quite a bit?

I've never said that.

It's so cheesy and amateur.

Yeah, that's like fucking cheesy.

That's rookie.

Yeah.

Like, I'm going to bust that tight pussy.

Like, it's some cheesy shit.

First off, yeah, like, what girl would you like to do?

But like, let's say you wanted to use, let's say you want to get that message across that you weren't bust that tight pussy.

Bust that tight pussy.

What would the phrase you use to do that then?

Yeah.

You're so fucking hard on Anthony Wiener, like you got some better lines.

That sentiment I would try and get across.

I don't think

I wouldn't be like, I'm gonna bust that tight pussy with me.

Well, what if she was like, I sure wish this tight pussy could get busted by someone?

Would you be more romantic?

Would you be like, I'm going to make

love to that?

Yeah, but I'm going to fucking stretch it out.

I'm going to make your pleasure zones

hit your G spot.

I don't know that I would say anything like that.

It sounds like pleasure zones.

It sounds like a strip club.

It sounds odd.

To be like, I'm going to fucking.

Like, actually, saying, yeah, like, say, like, I'm going to bust your tight pussy sounds more normal

than, like, I'm going to stimulate all your erogenous sons, honey.

So, you, so let's say you, but you, let's say you, you have to get that point, that point across.

You've got to get it in a text.

What would you, what phrase would you use, though?

But I don't, what I'm saying is, I don't think that I would be in a position where that's what I got to get across in a text.

Well, let's say that you're texting with a girl, right?

Yeah.

And she's.

She's done it?

Sure.

Yeah.

And she's, it's, it's some sexting going on.

Sure, I've sexted.

But you go too long and the sexting and stuff.

You know what?

I care.

It's been a long time.

It's funny.

It's like, I don't know where else to go.

Oh, Anthony was right.

This works.

That's good.

Maybe I do have to bust that type of person.

I don't know.

I don't remember.

It's been a long time.

But it's also the kind of thing that, like, let's say that

she was pretending she was older and she was really younger.

Like, you wouldn't really say, that's not something you say to an older girl or a young woman.

What is the things you say, though?

I haven't sexted since I've been on TV, that's for fucking sure.

because i'm terrified of someone savinger treatment yeah how um

how blue is the i've probably been like looking terms when i was

because really like all right i think it's let's phrasing not the word let's say

let's say i had uh

brought a woman into the firehouse one night to

bust her typefusy bust her type of

against one of the fire trucks I'm not saying I have but let's say I did

Sure.

Like

for you or I think all involved, really.

So it's like, I don't think like it's going to be like,

why don't you come by around 12.30, so come in and I'll bust that tight pussy.

You know what I mean?

Well, no, I don't think that that's like, I think that that's in a string of things.

Yeah, but I don't, like, to me, like, the string of things should never be.

That direct.

But it'd be like, I'm going to crush that badge.

Yeah, like,

that's so stupid.

It'd be like, well, like, when's your stupid husband not going to be home?

I'll come by.

You know, shit like that.

You know what I mean?

Like, what side of the bed does he sleep on?

Well, fuck on his side of the bed.

That's like shit like that.

Like, I'm going to bust you.

Yeah, sure, it is.

Like, I'm going to

bust it up right on his pillow, so that's where he sleeps in.

Like, stuff like that.

And it's like sociopathic, the shit you're saying, versus like just crude.

No, okay, okay.

I don't know.

But what gets the motor wrong?

I want him to fucking sleep in my juices.

Like, I'm going to come on your wedding ring.

ring.

That's a great go-to line.

That's the one you got to use.

I don't know.

I don't remember.

It's been like seven years.

So you're not sure if you had to do it now.

You don't know if you could.

You couldn't turn old Bessie on.

You would have to go back to your text from seven years ago and be like, oh, shit.

What have you seen?

Yeah, but those don't exist anymore.

Yeah, I don't know.

You must have some.

Who me?

You must have some go-to

words that you use that you've used.

This isn't Brian's phone.

That's usually what I say.

No, I don't sex with anybody.

But I mean, in the past, though.

Oh, in the past?

Yeah, usually it was, I'm going to bust that type pussy.

Really?

Yeah, no.

No, I'm just kidding.

Yeah, I really can't recall.

I don't think it was.

It was generally.

It's not just

direct and to the point.

It's not that like, like, there's no like if-ands or there's just so much bravado that comes along with i'm gonna bust that type pussy like it's just so like arrogant and well don't girls like taking charge take charge like i'm gonna this is what i'm gonna do

well it depends

it also verges on like rapey like yeah like regardless of your opinion on this situation like a conf you're confident in your skills yeah but yeah i guess like you say like it's in a string of things if it leads up to that and she's like well what are you going to do to this type pussy and it's like well i'm going to bust it.

It's busted, I say.

You're getting playful.

What do you think I'm going to do?

Let's say, Louis.

Let's say you get this cute.

Yeah, but this is a different

saying, I want you to bust this type pussy is okay.

A guy saying it's cheesy.

That's a double standard that I cannot explain.

I agree.

It's horrible.

This is one more thing.

You think everyone should have to deal with it?

Everyone should be able to say it and should say it.

He also

claims he asked her to dress up in schoolgirl outfits, which I guess would be appropriate since if she's only 15

and pressed her to engage in rape fantasies.

I mean, this is a.

This guy is.

Well, a lot of people have rape fantasies, Walt.

Sure.

You just want to do it with 15-year-olds.

And in a weird way, someone who's consenting to the.

He says, this is an alleged text exchange.

He says, I thought of you this A.M.

hard.

She said, what did you think about?

He said, it's embarrassing.

He says, she says, tell me.

You can tell me anything.

And he goes, is like to feel that literally no one that I feel that is true about.

And she writes, what?

That was weirdly worded.

He goes, super clunky.

I want to feel like I could tell you anything.

I just don't get it.

Like, once you're fucking busted,

wasn't his name like Carlos something or other?

Carlos Danger?

I don't know.

Like that was his code name.

And then the girl that he was hooking up with,

I can't believe I remember this.

I'm pretty sure it's our Sidney Leathers.

Wasn't that her name?

And she did porn.

Maybe.

I don't remember.

I heard he was texting with a baby in his arms.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Like he had his baby in the bed with him while he's texting her.

Oh, and here's something, Smooth.

This is weird.

Oh, yeah, it is.

Here it is.

The nickname, Carlos Danger.

She says, if it makes you reminisce, we don't have to.

He says, you can call me anything.

I'd like that.

She said, would you like to call me something?

He says, mine.

And she says, smooth.

I'd like to be yours.

Now, that's the kind of guy that says, I'm going to bust that tight pussy.

Yeah, it's a cheese dick.

Like, he's in a state of arrested development, right?

This guy, clearly, he can't control himself.

I mean, if it's true, he can't control himself.

He can't stop.

I mean, how old is this fucking guy?

I mean, he's got to be in his 40s, late 40s.

Have you even slowed down at all?

Like, you still got to be doing this shit?

I guess not.

I don't even have a desire to do this shit.

It's crazy.

Yeah, he's a horn dog, man.

He's Anthony Wiener.

That's why

maybe you can't type it because you can't achieve it.

Possible?

It's possible.

Can't pop it.

I can't pop that type of thing on my

Steve David.

I remember the last thing you you said.

How everyone is dead.

The fire's out, the world

is free.

Another blanket burn,

another mattress turned.

I am not your savior.

I am not your left.

Answers to be given.

Answers to real.

Where are you going?

What are your intentions?

look in the mirror for a thousandth time.

But every sunset

reminds me of the summer memories died.

Where are you going?

Where have you been?

What are you feeling?

What are your intentions?

Let's find

out.

Now I'll find you.

Love you like

day

to respond

You gave it all away, I'm not.

I gave you every day,

oh, it's a remain.

You gave it all away, I'm not.

I gave you everything

only until we burn.

You just

don't control.

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