#303: Polaroid from Dimension Z

Following the 2014 release of Tusk, Kevin Smith brings Harley Quinn Smith and Lily Rose Depp back to the big screen to reprise their roles in Smith's new feature, Yoga Hosers.

Fifteen-year-olds Colleen Collette and Colleen McKenzie are on their smartphones constantly, sing in a small band, and take yoga classes.

The girls will do just about anything to receive an invitation to a senior party, but when they discover the leader of a Nazi splinter group has been raising an army of monsters beneath the store where they work, the teens team up with a legendary manhunter, Johnny Depp, to stop the world-threatening uprising.

Join the Colleen Coalition and get your tickets today for Kevin Smith's Yoga Hosers in select theaters now.

Time Steve Dave presents a for Getford Carrier with encounters in the assist somewhere of kind

with Brian Connor,

Dr.

Flanagan, and Brian Thompson.

This week's episode.

Hello, and welcome to Overkill.

Now let's do all our evil laughs.

You have so many evil laughs.

Yeah, I know.

I've been proud because I always use them on stage.

Like when I'm being a bad guy, sometimes I'm a witch.

Sometimes I'm a serial killer.

Yeah.

So, yes, overkill.

We haven't done overkill in a while.

It has been a while.

People have been demanding it, Walt.

Well, that's why I'd love to start off with some of the most unexpected, and

I'm sure listeners are going to be shocked at the first overkill bit of business.

This is something that they

never would have expected.

Never would have heard before, maybe anywhere.

I mean,

let's preface this with some appropriate thunderclaps, Declan, and put him in this time.

Oh, you expect me to do me job?

Look at everyone, so fancy now.

Does he not put in the bundleclops?

I've been getting emails that's like, hey, what's your sound guy?

You asked for thunderclaps and he doesn't put him in.

Now, I don't listen, so I don't know if that's it.

I don't want to throw Declan under the bus.

But why would this person write this if he's not putting the thunderclaps in?

I can think of only one reason

by the way creaky studios open for business take your podcasting classes now

well i'll make sure there's some appropriate thunderclaps for this okay

yeah how is he as a professor do you think one-on-one can you imagine staring at that for an hour

well do you think they go to his they go to his no they do it by skype shack to learn oh really yeah i think they i think that's how you learn by so so five or six people get in skype into him and they could all see him?

I don't know.

I thought it was one-on-one.

No, so if ten people sign up,

that's a great service if it's one-on-one.

Don't say that.

It can't be a one-on-one.

Because if he gets 10 people to sign up, he's not going over the same class 10 times.

That's impossible.

It's only an hour.

I mean, what else is he doing?

I mean, definitely not putting thunderclaps in.

Take there's any like a little

professor, student

shenanigans going on.

Oh, you think he's like

when they Skype in, he's in a blazer with fucking those patches on the elbows.

And they're in a little schoolgirl skirt with a microphone?

Yeah.

Oh, hello.

Later, you need to decree your audio.

Time for some extra credit.

Oh, you look so stressed.

Oh, how about you?

Take your shirt off and cool down a little.

What country are you in?

South India, I see behind you.

Hey, that's not a porn dog behind you, is it?

Let's see.

It can't be one of the words.

Beginner to intermediate is sold out.

Let's see.

Learn how to make a professional sounding podcast with producer and audio de Creeker Declan Quinn.

Each lesson takes you step by step.

Four modules will take 60 to 90 minutes each.

Sold out.

September 19th, places available.

So there's still openings on the September 19th.

So, yeah, so like both his beginner to intermediate and advanced courses sold out, man.

That's nice.

Wait a second.

Look at this.

Lessons will typically take five days to cover each module, blah, blah, blah.

But your schedule and pace are catered for.

It's actually catered to.

It's actually catered to, Declan.

But we'll go ahead.

What do you think is the most important aspect of podcasting?

What is this course?

Well, he's too intense.

Having something that's worth saying.

That he can't teach me.

But on the technical side.

On the technical side.

I mean,

I guess making sure it records.

Making sure it records, which most of the time we can be sure we're doing it.

I mean, we're six years in and still like sometimes.

It wouldn't be.

It hasn't happened in a while, but it flares up, man.

I think it happens to the best of them.

Right.

No plan is foolproof when you're using technology.

No.

It says the first round of courses will run for six days to account for extra material.

Scheduling for the one-on-one sessions is flexible, caters to all time zones and supports a number of communication platforms.

Now it's just a bunch of corporate speakers.

Like, what does he even

mean?

He's a professional, man.

He's fucking, what do you mean I instead of you?

Remember, this is not an e-learning course where many people are streaming the same information, but private lessons.

Wow.

So available places are limited.

So that's what he does.

He keeps the classes small so that he can

private lessons with me, sexy decklin.

That does sound like a Cinemax fucking movie from.

Just don't ask me to get on my knees.

It'll hurt too badly.

Why are they asking him to get on his knees?

I don't know.

Come on, you think there's any females in this course?

Oh, no, I know there is one.

I think Sherry Archenoff took the course, I'm pretty sure.

Yeah, I think so.

What he should do is

do a contest on TelenC Dave for a giveaway.

A free giveaway course?

Oh, that's what I should do.

Sponsor a game.

Well, he would.

Let me ask him right now.

Yeah.

Maybe we could do it today.

We don't have a game, though, but

maybe we can announce something that

fuck it.

Yeah, fucking.

Oh, shit, I was so close.

Gonna hear this.

And if he puts in the thunderclaps for once, learn how to not put in thunderclaps.

Learn how to ignore the requests of your clients.

Mixing and mastering spoken word.

Advanced audio repair.

He's got it all here, man.

Like, if you want to do this, if you want to learn all this shit and then subsequently

offer us a better deal, we'll drop Declan and we'll go with you.

I taught you everything you know.

I didn't teach everything I know.

I thought we were doing overkill today.

All right,

first overkill story, and I'm going to put some.

I love how, like,

one last thing with Declan in the creaky studios, like, you gave him, like, seven quotes to use to choose from,

and he put them all down, and still hasn't changed it.

Like, it's still up there.

It looks like maybe you have, like, like

pre-dementia, pre-senile dementia.

You because you have, like, yeah, you just all these like random thoughts placed in a row.

Is this the one where I gave him a quote and you made fun of me

for making it about me?

I would never consider making a podcast without Declan's help, and honestly, neither should you.

Yeah, that's a good quote.

What was my quote?

That sounds like

there's no better feeling than knowing Declan is working on a podcast of mine.

He's simply the best.

So that's the best feeling you've ever had.

Well, it's a secure feeling.

Right.

Secure.

It's most secure.

Security is in my past.

It's like being at mother's bosom.

Why does that sound like dementia, though?

Because all these.

When I read everything together, if it's a creaky studios mixed podcast, you know it's of the highest quality.

I trust no other to work on my podcast.

Declan is a podcast doctor.

This is all you.

That's why it sounds like dementia.

There's no better sound guy for you to consider.

Case closed.

Why is he using all my quotes?

That happened at the very beginning.

You were like, you asked the same question.

You're like, why is he using every quote?

It was like, select one of these.

And he's like, fuck it.

Yeah.

A lot of Telemsteve Dave quotes.

And one from Kevin.

Oh, he puts fucking Kevin at the top.

I'll fucking try it.

You're an idiot.

Yeah.

This will bring him in.

All right.

Fuck Teclin.

Well, you could, Teclin, you could take this manufactured, this cheapos thunderclap out if you want.

I'd rather take the week off.

All right.

First bit of news.

First bit of news on overkill, Q?

Yeah.

Are you ready for this?

Your hair is going to get blown back.

Son.

It might turn white, Q.

It's already half white, but yeah.

Do you know that's a truth phenomenon?

Is it really?

Yeah.

That your hair can turn white from being totally white.

Not immediately.

Yes.

Over time.

Immediate white hair.

40 years later.

Yeah.

Immediate white hair is

a phenomenon that definitely can happen.

Can your hair turn white from fear?

It does have some roots in science.

I guess

no pun intended, right?

Extreme fear or being frightened can't turn your hair white overnight.

There is a medical condition that could make people think it has

an autoimmune condition known as alopecia aridia.

which can attack hair follicles, blah, blah, blah.

If a person were to have a rough night, get in a heated argument, or experience a life or death situation, the disease could be triggered.

So it can happen.

And then you would wake up with most of your pigmented hair gone, leaving only the gray or white hair.

Well, at the risk of

a lot of ants waking up tomorrow

with a gorgeous head of gray hair.

Okay.

Right.

Silva foxes.

I'm about to announce a major update.

Mike's going to be like, God damn it, I just died it.

Here I am.

I'm about to announce a major update to the Claymation movie.

Holy shit.

I don't even know this.

You don't even know this.

Wow.

The star just turned white.

Holy shit.

I should say,

thank you.

Hey, you look good.

All right.

You look like Ted Danson.

I'll take it.

All right.

You look like Maud.

You look like Beauthur.

You look like Beauthur's muff.

I'll take it.

We are nearing, we are rounding the corner.

We are getting so close to the completion of the claims of

the

steps are, hurdles are being hurtled,

dots are being, I's are being dotted, and T's are being crossed.

Wow.

So much so that we are ready, and we are asking for the following people.

If you backed the animation, because somehow, some way I contacted some people and I didn't get any response from the backers except for the voice roll, we've set up a new email for the people who are backers for the voicemail.

I have.

Gee, I wonder who it's coming to.

No, it's not going to creak.

Nope, it's not creaky.

I don't want to overwhelm them with thunderclaps and this.

Right.

It's a lot.

But

if you backed the Claymation movie with a voice roll, I need you to email this email address.

With your name, the email that you did it under,

and then someone will be contacting you and we're setting up a time where we'll be getting getting a voice roll for you.

Because

almost all of it is done, Q.

Wow.

We are waiting on just a few

things to put this into completion.

We are so close now, we are tackling everything.

Walt's daughter did something sort of major with Claymation.

She's really good.

Oh, really?

She did a great job.

Yeah, really good job.

Nice.

Yeah, we're so close, Q, I can fucking taste clay in my mouth.

And who doesn't want that?

And it tastes fucking good.

TESD

voice actors.

That's all one word, although that's not a word, but that would be all one thing.

T-E-S-D voice actors at gmail.com if you were a backer for the...

And we will check.

Don't try to sneak in.

Right.

We will check against the records.

Well, we should probably send that an update on the Kickstarter, too, right?

I don't know how to do that.

I'll take care of that.

Okay.

I also have,

if you were a backer and you got puppets

and

you're going to get a puppet now,

I need you to contact this email address: tsdpuppets at gmail.com

because you're going to be getting your puppets are coming now.

Nice.

Those puppets are gorgeous, and you're going to love them if you backed for the puppets.

If you got the TSD artwork, the colored,

I guess, the puppet,

what's it called, the reference art

for the

character art.

If that would be TESDart at gmail.com.

If you were to have this whole week fucking making email addresses.

If you are a backer for the script page,

it's TESD script

at gmail.com.

And finally, I've gotten a lot of these emails over the years.

That's right.

I'm acknowledging it's been years.

If you've moved, makes it real.

Right?

You got to keep it real.

We understand.

But now it's

all is forgiven.

Yeah.

Thank you, everyone.

Thank you.

We graciously accept your forgiveness.

True to our word,

we said after that Kickstarter debacle, no more projects will be done by Kickstarter.

Never.

And we have not done anything

coming down the pike.

Yeah, never again and never will again.

We can't be trusted with Kickstarter.

We can't.

We're not good with this.

I mean, it is, I cannot extend.

I mean, I know we say a lot of shit that's not real or like is, you know, said with pure sarcasm.

Yes.

There is not a hint of sarcasm when I say, I cannot tell

or convey

how appreciative I am of the understanding and the patience that the backers who have put up with this

debacle.

It's a debacle.

It's been a debacle.

We own up to it.

We're not going to say it hasn't been a debacle when it's been a debacle.

But now, finally, with the light at the end of the tunnel,

it's coming to an end, and this book will be closed.

The final product we are so happy with, and I think the backers are going to be so happy with.

It's going to have a happy ending.

At least there's a happy ending at this point.

This ring's going to jerk jerk you all off.

Individually, you'll go to every backer's house and give everyone a happy ending.

But if you moved since the time you backed the project, I need you to, and I know a lot of you have moved,

T-E-S-D-Movers, M-O-V-E-R-S, at gmail.com, which is what we'll be doing next year after we stop the podcast because no one believes in us anymore.

But if you've moved and you need to update your address,

I believe there's something that, I believe you could do it on the Kickstarter, which I really hope that they can, but some people have told me that they can't find it.

Well, you got to, when the project's ready for delivery, you got to send out a survey that they're supposed to fill out and send back to us.

Oh, that's how it happens?

Yes.

Yeah.

Okay, so but should I?

I'm still going to put this movers out there.

Yeah, no, no.

I mean, I made the email address.

I mean, I.

Cover all the bases.

Right.

I've set it up

and double-checking

can't be a bad thing.

No, no, no.

Like, this is the foolproof way to make sure that.

The least we can do for them.

I want to make sure

everybody who did it gets it.

And if you've moved, I want to make sure.

Some people have moved multiple times.

It's been so long.

Some people have started families.

But

we're going to make good finally, and it feels good to be able to announce

a legitimate

update and let everybody know that

through all the problems and

all the delays,

We never lost sight of the ball.

And

we wanted to come through, and we are going to come through.

It's like, you know, when you got beaten as a kid, and like your dad was like, you know, this is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you.

That's the way this has been.

Like, we've suffered more than any of the listeners have through all of this.

Oh, yeah.

This has been one of the most,

not now.

I've been working with guys right now who who are a dream.

Yeah.

But this has been an extremely draining and frustrating process, this whole thing.

But that's coming to an end.

So, no more email addresses?

That's it.

That's all.

Yeah, I want to repeat those while Q takes a call.

I don't think so.

Like the 12 people that it affects.

Oh, no, there's more than 12 people.

It was TESD Voice Actors at gmail.com.

Self-explanatory.

If you are a voice backer, you email that.

If you back for puppets, it's tesdpuppets at gmail.com.

If you got a page of artwork, it's tesdart at gmail.com.

If you got a script, it's tesd script at gmail.com.

And if you've moved since backing, it's tesdmovers

at gmail.com.

All right.

And that feels good to announce something significant.

Oh, my God, yeah.

The sweetest day and will be when it's yeah done and being shipped and people get to see it

um

you ready colonel q for loot crate i am ready i am ready i get loot crate so do i it's it is exciting right when the box comes you want to open up i heard my daughter told me what a lot of people do um is a lot of uh celebs online is they will videotape themselves opening the box crate unboxing and people watch that unboxing yeah i mean with with lots of stuff, though, not just loot crate, like anything you can think of.

And it'll go from taking it out of the box to like each item and shit.

And I'm like,

what the fuck is wrong with people?

I'm like, I mean,

I thought there was nothing but good TV on that.

Now, people, now we're still, we moved away from television.

Dude, I've watched every show there is to watch.

I'm now onto watching people take shit out of boxes.

Loot crate, I got to say, like,

we would have had these guys as sponsors a while ago, but I remember our advertising guy saying, like, hey, what do you think of them?

And I read about it, and I was like, who would want this tchotchky bullshit?

Like, we're not going to foist this on the listeners.

How fucking wrong I was about what people want.

People love Luke Crate.

I love it, dude.

I'm telling you.

There's always at least one thing in that box, and I'm like, that is cool.

Yeah.

It's really, I mean,

now there's so many imitators out there now.

Everybody's following the Loot Crate model.

That's right.

Is this a bad time to mention Tesdy Crate, which we're going to be offering soon?

Tesdy Crate, yeah, would just be

just a box of empty promises.

A dried-out claymation figure.

Yeah, people love fucking Loot Crate so much that where I live, they cut my box open to see if they wanted anything.

I don't know if it's because it's Loot Crate or just because of the area I live in.

Make sure to head to www.lukecrate.com slash TESD.

Enter the code TSD and you save 10% off any new subscription.

You have until the 19th to subscribe and receive that month's crate.

And when the cutoff happens, that's it.

It's over.

And then if something cool comes, you're buying it on eBay, right?

Well,

or like get them, you're just hoping that somebody will give it to you as a charity fucking thing.

September's theme queue?

Yeah.

Speed.

Okay, so the flash is going to be in there?

Yeah.

Batman, the flash, arrow, battlestar, galactic, Iron Man, gun in 60 seconds.

If you have a style need, you'll love it.

I mean, everything except for the movie speed, it looks like sonic socks for when you got to go fast.

Nice, like that guy in the fucking...

A winning Mario Kart t-shirt.

Oh, that's cool.

You know, Ming mocks people who wear the Loot Crate t-shirts?

Why?

I don't know.

For some reason, it's the thing theme of him, he's like, hey, nice free t-shirt.

But it's really not free.

I mean, they paid for it.

They had a great Rick and Morty one two months ago.

That's not like Ming.

That was before he got the puppy.

Yeah.

Now he's all fucking hearts and puppies.

Well, you know, it warmed up.

He'd be like, hey, man, did you get that from Luke Crate?

Oh, did you get that from Loot Crate?

That's awesome, man.

He was on the verge of becoming

a heartless, spineless Grinch.

But that puppy has, you know, performed a miracle.

Is that a roundabout way of saying, I should get a puppy?

Hotel crate.

Yeah, just go.

As long as it's over, Killan, as long as Q's taking this phone call, I'll tell you that Ming and I are going to be at Monster Mania Walt in Maryland.

Maryland?

September 30th.

What does it

say?

What does two comp.

Where are you going to be?

It's in Maryland.

Where?

What days?

September 30th.

Oh, okay.

October 1st and October 2nd.

What do they bring to the Monster Mania

organization?

Okay, so my first thought is absolutely nothing.

All right.

Well, I mean, usually you're, you know, well, you know what?

The comic books.

Yeah, you can say you're

a horror writer member.

I think I may have let my dues lapse, so I'm hoping no one calls me on it.

Oh, yeah.

Really?

It was like 15 bucks or something.

I did it just so I could get the shirt.

Well, I'll tell you who's got to be there.

Chris Sarandon.

He was in Fright Night.

You remember him, obviously.

Amanda Weiss, Robert England, Ronnie Blakely.

They were all in

Nightmare in Elm Street.

Christy Swanson, who I think was, wasn't she the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

I believe.

Oh, the original movie?

Yeah, a couple other.

Barbara Steele.

David Arquette's going to be there.

I'd like to meet him.

He seems like he's kind of fun.

Who's that?

I know that name.

David Arquette.

He was in,

I mean, well, he was Famous Sisters.

Plus, he was in

that Scary Movie.

Was it Scary Movie?

No, what was the...

What was the one that restarted everything?

Scream?

Scream, yeah.

He was on Scream.

Is he one of the friends?

Is he in Friends?

No, that's his...

Isn't that his sister, I think?

No, wait.

Is there an Arquette in there?

No, it's.

I don't know.

I thought there was.

No.

No, he was married to one of the Courtney Cox.

Oh.

He was married to her for a while.

But yeah, it's going to be a stretch, I believe.

Shannon Elizabeth will be there.

I remember.

What a reunion that'll be, right?

Yeah, she thinks she'll remember you?

Absolutely not.

Not a fucking chance.

I'll tell you what, though, she's a really nice lady or girl or whatever or woman, whatever you would call her.

Like a lot of times you think, you know, hot chicks are just taking pictures of fat naked ladies in gyms and laughing about it.

I read that that lady might actually go to jail for six months.

Whatever her name was, I don't remember.

That would be pretty crazy that she goes to jail when there's people who fucking commit

vehicular homicide and they don't go to jail.

They don't?

Yeah.

I see people get off all the time on fucking driving drunk and they don't go to jail when they kill somebody.

It is weird just because it's cheaper that shit gets pled down all the time.

I mean, maybe not if you kill someone, but I was talking to a guy on our crew,

and he had

a friend

who

I guess he was like 22, 23, something like that.

And he left,

they live in Staten Island.

The friend leaves a strip club, gets on to the wrong side of the Staten Island Expressway, hits somebody head on and kills them, goes to jail for nine years.

Now,

do you think about it every single day of those nine years?

Like, what if I just hadn't?

I don't think you cannot.

I don't think it's possible that you cannot think about it every day.

The first thing you wake up should be that.

I imagine, like, oh, fuck.

It's not a dream.

It wasn't a bad dream.

Yeah.

Like, this is my life.

And then after you get out, no one's really welcoming you with open arms, like, employment-wise.

They're like, so what have you been doing the last nine years?

Pay my debt to society for killing someone.

No, I mean, but hey, man, you fucking made your bed, man.

You did the crime, man.

Now you got to pay a price.

You got to do the time.

And what comes after

doing the time?

Because once the time is done, it doesn't mean it's over.

Your sentence

is a lifetime.

Yeah.

Which

I think is a fair.

I mean, you've ended someone's life.

All right, QQ's back.

What did I miss?

I made a confession.

That's what I just said.

I was trying to distance myself from the claymation.

Overkill, Q, do you have a story?

I don't.

Okay, good.

Yeah.

I like being the skeptic.

You're the wild card.

It's less work.

The skeptic has to do no work at all.

I just got to sit here and poo-poo.

I mean,

not even one story?

Not even anything?

Nothing scary or spooky.

I got to be honest.

This has been fucking.

I'm in the middle of two crazy weeks.

Okay.

You know, sorry.

That's all right.

Bry, I'm sure, has a story.

I can try and think of one.

But I feel that's robbing the audience.

I'd rather no asset than half-ass it.

I like that.

I never heard that phrase before.

Yeah.

There you go.

I mean, so you put zero effort into it instead of even just a little.

Oh, I don't want to insult.

We've already insulted the listeners with the claymation debacle.

Now.

But like I said, and so in order to make up for it yeah

you came without a story

you want to go first brie or you want to hear mine uh well you have two right i got two but why don't you give me one okay well why didn't you give me one to tell i can't yeah

one's to tell one's very personal one's very personal yeah and the other one the other one not so much but i i mean i don't think you could do it justice because i don't think you treat it with the respect and reverence that you should most likely not

okay

But we have three stories today.

Bri.

We have three, or did you come?

Did you come?

No, yeah, yeah.

Whole ass too.

No, whole ass, baby.

So we have three stories.

I dip my whole ass in some story.

But one, the one's not.

I mean, one could be a non-story.

We have three stories.

All right.

So it's fine.

That's what a team does, Walt.

They cover each other's buttholes.

Yes.

So if you're a half-ass, I cover it up.

I cover up that half that show into the audience.

Right.

And if it's it's completely bare and we got two guys, he covers one cheek and I cover the other.

That's it.

We got your ass covered, son.

Thank you guys.

My wife was cleaning my daughter's room over the holiday break.

Okay.

Your daughters don't clean their own rooms?

Not as well as my wife would.

Like a deep clean.

She was doing a deep clean.

She was gay.

Your wife is like an OCD cleaner, right?

Yeah, which is a good OCD to have.

Right, yeah.

That's good.

If you're going to have any.

That's a good one.

If you're going to be

hell-bent on any one thing, that's your thing.

Have something that benefits you.

Yeah, clean is the best one to have, I believe.

Because, I mean,

you've seen the show.

Hoarders?

Hoarders.

Yeah.

That's a complete.

The

dyslexia version of Hoarders

would be my wife.

That's great.

The opposite.

That's on her resume.

Which

we're going to have a dyslexia championship before the year is out, right?

Yeah.

We're going to have a gigantic

world championship.

Yes, I've got so much tweaks

that it is now primed and ready after the championship.

Yeah.

We present the file to a network.

Okay.

And

we wait for bids.

We present the file to networks.

It is so refined right now.

Okay.

And so tight

that you will be like,

that you will be like, this is show ready.

Nice.

The Colonel approves.

This is TV ready, Colonel.

The bidding war begins.

Yes.

It is so, so ready to roll that I want to do it right immediately, but I know that patience is a virtue here because I can make it even tighter.

So much so that I want to throw this out there to any listeners who might suffer from dyslexia.

I'd like them to email me,

not to any of those claymation emails, but to the K-Muse 2 email because I want to get a dyslexic on the team

in the production and in the,

what's it called?

He gets us a free pass later on when people complain.

Yes, but we'll have a dyslexic person on the team to deflect from any people who are like, well, that's...

It's impossible.

We have a dyslexic person.

How could you accuse us?

So if you're dyslexic.

It's a token, if you will.

Yeah.

And you're

ideally, I'd love for you to be in the New Jersey area so I could bring you in to some meetings and some developments that I have to develop in the game to make it even tighter for the World Championships.

But a K-Muse 2 at Gmail,

if you're in the Jersey area and you can...

And if you're not in Jersey, it doesn't matter.

I know a dyslexic.

Who?

One of our opening actors.

Would you like to put him out of the closet?

Yeah, he could.

Would you like to out him?

Yeah, I'll out him.

His name's J.F.

Harris.

He's one of our opening acts.

A very funny guy, and he's dyslexic.

He talks about it in his act.

Really?

Okay.

Yeah, so I can.

Very good guy.

His father's a retired FDNY guy.

Could he?

Could he come to the taping of the?

He lives in L.A.,

but he's in New York frequently, so I'll check with him.

Okay.

And if he wants to open this for us ever again.

Hey, and also,

if there's any of the TSD universe who appeared at the Blue Juice Invitational, this is an open invitation to you.

Can you RSVP that you're interested in coming?

Although I don't have a date yet, I would like to know who's interested.

I know Frank Five is.

Well, of course.

But I'd love to get Frank Three.

I don't know if he listens, but if anybody listens out there or tweets Frank Three,

is Frank Three our boy?

I never see that guy.

I think he's I don't know.

I think he's out of, I don't know, I think he's doing CIA work or something.

I don't believe he's

we saw Frank Three recently.

Do you think he's in the CIA or he's just unpopular enough that people don't invite him places?

Didn't we just see Frank Three?

Yeah, we saw him.

Where did we see him?

Was he at Kevin's?

We just saw him.

I don't know.

I like Frank Three quite a bit.

Oh, I love him, too.

But

he doesn't make himself available to Telm Steve David.

I'd love to get him involved in the dyslexic World Championship.

Dyslexia World Championship.

No, dyslexia, I'm not super familiar with it.

I mean, it's not just that you read words backwards, right?

That's not just.

Right.

I don't know.

That's why I want to get somebody in the middle of the day.

It's an inability

to comp to just comprehend what you're looking at.

You're right.

Well, that's why I want to be able to tap their brain and get some ideas from them to tighten the game for gobbling.

Okay.

Gobbly Gook?

Well, I heard that's even more offensive, Q.

Because of the sense.

Yeah.

Ming.

Yeah.

Oh, you're not my heritage.

It's gobbledygook, not gobbly gook.

Ming has went on record and said that he thought that that name was more offensive than the dyslexia.

How do I can stand?

I can't stand no more.

That's what he said.

But he's fine with that?

Yeah.

Gobbly gook is not gobbly gook.

And even if it was gobbledygook.

Right.

I mean, the word, I would have to imagine, came before the Vietnam War.

Yeah.

Plus, let's not forget that they were our enemies in Vietnam.

So they deserved everything that we said about them.

But now we should stop.

If we stop using that word, though, if they're not no longer the enemy anymore.

Now that it's been 30 years.

But you can't can't erase it from the fucking lexicon.

Like,

they still at one point had to be.

Do you want to tell any slaves what we'd be doing?

No, we should be calling them.

Well, I'm not.

Chill out, man.

Yeah, but they weren't our enemy.

Oh, yeah, don't tell that.

We were their enemy.

No, we were their enemy.

They weren't ours.

All right, well, let's not get deep.

I think some of the Vietnamese

parts.

But before the year is out, the 2016 dyslexia/slash gobbledygook

World Championships

will be played, and it is going to be fun, fun, fun.

But anyway, back to.

The first one wasn't fun, fun, fun.

As I said, I've refined it.

I've honed it.

Me and Giddam got together.

We heard the complaints.

The first tweak I would have made was to tweak his ass about the fucking show.

No, he plays an important role in the World Championships.

A super important role.

Anyway, my wife was cleaning over the Labor Day weekend and

stumbled upon a Polaroid.

Ooh, I love Polaroids

in my daughter's room, my oldest daughter's room.

And this Polaroid sent the family

into a Tizzy

as we believe

we have proof

of A

either A time travel.

Here we fucking A.

Fucking never ends in the sky.

B

dimensional riffs.

Okay.

Well, that's the new angle anyway.

So wait, the entire family, before we look at the photo, the entire family is in unison on these theories.

Yeah, we're fucking totally freaked out.

It was like

first amusement to then like the realization, like

horror.

So, the Polaroid, obviously, your daughter is old enough that she's not running around with a Polaroid camera and taking Polaroids.

It's a picture of my daughter.

We don't know, we can't place

what age she may be.

We think in the eight-year-old range, and she's almost 17 now.

Okay.

And

we don't have any memory of this Polaroid.

And we should.

Right.

From what you're about to the point.

Like a lot of the girls you used to date too back in the 90s.

Did you take Polaroids of that too, just so you remind yourself when you woke up

not to do it again?

But

it started as like

giggles and laughs like, oh,

what is that?

What are you doing there?

why are you why are you doing this why are you on that iPhone no no no why are you at the Mike Tyson fight

we don't we don't again we don't know if this was left by

possibly

a future

future dad future me future you I believe it still uses a fucking Polaroid

or we don't know if it was or if we don't know if it was Earth 2 dad

and left

for some sort of reason, he left this photograph behind, this Polaroid behind, and maybe as some sort of clue or a warning or

a message that I haven't yet to decipher.

But it is a picture of my daughter at eight years old with me,

and I'm dressed

at what can only be described as

a Sergeant Pepper mime.

And I've got, I've trained two cats

with leashes as they sit on

shelving units in a house that we have no idea where we're at.

Holy fuck, that is weird.

Is this bullshit that you're just saying right now where you really don't remember?

This fucking destroyed our brains and we don't know what's going on now.

You look so fucked up.

Let me see this picture.

What the fuck?

I don't know what's going on.

I don't know.

It's eerie because

we don't have no explanation for this picture.

We have no idea what its origin is.

No, that definitely looks like your daughter.

I mean, it's her.

Is that Walt?

That's Walt.

Look at the cats.

Why would I put cats on a shelf on leashes?

Why would I dress like Sergeant Pepper?

I'll tell you a step further.

It looks like that cat's on a floating platform.

Yeah, I think it's just a white wall.

Can you take that picture and put it up for people so they could see it on your screen?

I can't even try to dissect it.

And you are not a cat guy.

No.

You're also smiling in the photo.

Yeah.

i mean more than more than that your eyes are open

that's him right that's walt just with makeup on his face it does it looks like hobo makeup yeah from the

mime from the nose down

maybe it's not you

i don't know it looks like you

it's like it's weird but 100 you know it's your daughter like 100

i i don't think is there is the date on it no

That's a real Polaroid, bro.

I feel like it's not you.

Why?

Like, was she at a birthday party where somebody?

She doesn't remember

ever taking that picture.

A fucking kid looks like she's six years old.

Of course, she doesn't remember it.

Like, but you, like, you would be

a motherfucker.

My younger daughter thought it was a picture taken before she was born.

If you get up real close,

I can, I'm like, I don't know if it's Walt, but if I get back even two feet, it's you.

It's clearly you.

But you're wearing makeup, which confuses the whole fucking issue.

I'm not lying.

As God is my witness, this is a real

buster's review.

This isn't like something he's just fucking.

No, that was a true review.

Did you see it yet?

No, I haven't seen it yet.

It's coming up DVD.

You really love that fucking movie.

She's good.

What is that?

Better than the original.

What year was she born?

She was born in 2000, Kate, right?

No, 1998.

98.

Oh, there's a date on it?

No.

No, I was trying to.

There's a number here.

I was just trying to see.

So 98.

So let's say that she's...

No, if she's...

If she was born in 98 and she's six here, then this could be September of 04.

And then these rest of these are the same.

But I don't think that's how it worked back then.

I don't think that's how Polaroids worked.

No?

I don't think so.

I have a Polaroid at home.

Let me see, because it has a camera.

Doesn't that cat look like it's floating?

It does, but now upon it looks like

there's a platform there.

That's fucking weird.

It's a hover disc.

Well, now you're just making it.

Yeah, you're on to something good here.

Well, I'm saying, is it a hover disc?

That was a question mark after it.

That was a statement.

It was phrased like, it's a hover disc.

Either way, it's a fucking creepy photo.

Isn't it defined?

And then nobody in the house knows what it's from?

Yeah.

And where was it found?

Like when she.

Under her bed.

And it's not.

I mean,

like,

is her bed like

a time capsule of

just like clothes?

Like old shit?

Clothes and stuff that she's not interested in anymore that just found its way under the bed.

But

not a photograph from fucking over 10 years ago.

That's crazy.

Yeah, that is fucking weird, bro.

Yeah, we have to put this up when we release the episode, or else people are going to not get what's going on.

Good reflections on this shit.

I'll take it in a little bit.

Just so I can get better.

Wow.

Wow.

So I want to know

how long did the discussion go on trying to figure out.

A long time.

So much so that we're not allowed to talk about it anymore.

Well, I should say I'm not allowed to talk about it anymore.

Because my oldest daughter is just like, I don't care anymore.

It doesn't matter.

I'm past it.

You've beat my interest in other dimensions.

Yeah.

And my youngest daughter, Alicia, is like,

is starting like, it's scaring me.

I don't want to talk about it anymore.

It's freaking me out.

I don't want to talk about it anymore.

I don't want to think about it anymore because it's going to give me nightmares.

Really?

Yeah.

Wow.

Because I told her it could possibly be me, a different version of me

that's come back.

That version of you that dresses like a clown, Sergeant Pepper, is a fucking scary version of Walt.

Yeah.

And why would you come to this dimension to fucking take this photo with your daughter?

Unless...

I mean,

he has rouge on his cheeks.

Unless that's also Earth 2.

Caitlin?

Oh, that's right, because that's old.

In which case, it would be a hover disc.

It's unexplainable, Q, and it's proof that there's not easy answers, and science can't explain everything.

Oh, it's weird.

Yeah, stick this Polaroid up your ass, Stephen Hawkin.

It's fucking weird, man.

I can't poo-poo this one.

Well, the only explanation is that it's not Walt.

And she's at some sort of party

where cats are wearing collars.

Like fancy, like, clown collars.

But even eight years ago,

Polaroids weren't being used.

Like, now they're making a little bit of a comeback.

This wouldn't have been eight years ago.

This would have been probably closer to 12 years ago.

12 years ago.

Okay.

All right.

I'm sorry.

I'm getting confused because

I jumped track and I thought it was your younger daughter for a second because she's so young in the photo.

There's all these fucking band-aids he has all over him.

You want to see it?

I mean, it's gross.

Wow.

Yeah,

it was absolutely

all we could talk about for a good day and a half, but now I'm not allowed to talk about it anymore.

But I can talk about it here.

Yeah, they can't stop you.

I feel like everybody in this photo has their their heart on the right side of their chest.

Oh,

we're that much opposite.

Yeah.

It's like real Earth 2 shit going on.

How did it get on Earth 1?

Fucking slipped through, man.

It just slipped through the crack.

Something opened up.

You got to seal that crack.

Or see what else falls through.

I mean, what if some fucking coin flips through with

everybody looking the opposite direction?

That might be worth some money here.

I think, I mean, this could be like, you know how I'm into dogs in this world?

Yeah.

Now I'm into cats on this world.

You know how I'm into not dressing flashy?

Yeah.

In this world?

But in this world, I'm all about the flash.

I maybe even be like some sort of performer.

Next time we do a live show, you should dress like that.

Yeah, complete with hobo makeup.

I don't know if it's hobo makeup.

I think maybe I've just grown a white beard.

Somebody scared the shit out of you.

Oh, I will post it.

You'll tweet it, and I'll have Get him tweet it, NPQ.

Yeah.

I'll send you a picture of it, too, maybe.

All right, man.

That's it out there.

I have no explanation.

I know that, but that's what Overkill is about.

That is no easy explanation.

Everybody listening at home, if you haven't seen the picture yet,

it looks

exactly like Walt is describing it.

So I can't even mock it like I normally do.

It's really bizarre.

What does it is it looks enough like you that you're like, maybe it's him, maybe it isn't.

Now, if it's him and no one remembers,

it's fucked up.

But okay,

let's say you have to take my word for it that I, like, you have to take my word for that.

I have no idea what you're doing.

I'm taking your word for sure.

But even if, but why would I be, even if I'm lying about that, why would I be dressed like this?

Why would I be dressed like Sergeant Pepperme?

I don't know.

For what reason?

That's why I think it may be a birthday party or some sort of event that your daughter was at.

And I dressed up like this.

I don't know.

I remember this.

This is a different guy.

This is like, he's like, I got cats with leashes that I put on shelves.

I dress like Dr.

I mean, Sergeant Pepper.

Mime.

Sergeant Pepper, mime.

Yeah, I mean, like, like a misguided fucking kids' entertainer.

I mean, it's better than like

finding a Polaroid of like a dead body or something, right?

Well, yeah, of course.

It's better than that.

Yeah.

I mean, under her bed?

Then you're my parents.

I just kept telling my youngest, I was like, come on, it's not like it was a Polaroid of a dead body.

Stop crying.

Stop crying.

Was anyone mutilated in the picture?

No.

All right, enough.

I had relatives that were on the police force back in the 80s, and they used to have Polaroids of crime scenes all the time.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

They'd be like, you want to see something fucked up?

Of course, the answer is yes.

And it'd there'd be like, somebody that died in a tub, was found two days later.

Somebody hung them off.

Yeah, like all that shit.

And doesn't the Polaroid photo just add another level of like

terror to any image?

It's

because it's

in that exact moment.

Like, it's not like somebody took a picture, had it developed, and the colors faded in time or whatever.

It's like

that is as instantaneous as it got.

It really was the cell phone picture of the day because you got to see it immediately.

Like, that was a big thing with film.

Like, film cameras, it's like you could take, you know, a 36-picture roll of film, you hand it in.

First, the fucking film costs you $10,

and then you fucking turn around and get it developed for another $15.

You're like $30 in the hole just to find out your pictures fucking suck.

Do you hear that?

Yeah.

That's my Polaroid taking photos.

Have you got a Polaroid camera?

How come it spits out such tiny pictures?

This is like a mini.

I have a working one at home, but the film on that's so much more expensive.

How much does each picture cost?

Just waste right there.

I don't waste.

We can give that away to a fucking winner.

All three of us sign it and give it away.

I would love that if I was a fan of his show.

Don't sell it like the fucking patches have been sold either.

Oh, yeah.

You want to talk about that?

You're upset by that.

Me?

Yeah.

Personally, I feel like it's something you did

as a nice giveaway for people.

Well, what happens?

Just set it up first.

Okay, so what happens is Walt decided to make patches of Gidem.

One says, whoa, whoa, whoa, it's okay.

The other one's the same image.

It says,

what does it say?

The store is locked and I am clocked.

Out.

Out.

Out.

So the only way you could get it is if if you came into the store.

It's getting a creepy noise.

Some sort of perv.

Somebody perv in with their camera.

It's true.

Like the first

pictures, you would know the girl.

Well, the first naked pictures I ever saw of like someone I knew were on Polaroid.

It was

the girl's boyfriend brought them in.

Now, I'm talking like,

I mean, we were in like eighth grade at the time.

Like,

yeah.

But yeah, but the patch, though, back to the patches, yeah.

So you made these patches and you give them away to people who came in and did a, gave a secret password.

Well, not so secret password, but the password.

And obviously not everyone can get them.

You know, you gave away a couple at the con, but someone, I saw one up on eBay, and it was the

auction hadn't gone off yet.

It wasn't finished, and it was up to $87.

So some people are saying, like, well, what the fuck?

You know, like,

who's saying this is, I don't know, people on Twitter.

You know, Walt does something cool, and then you turn around, something that was given to you, and you turn around and try to make a buck off it.

Right.

Which I guess on one hand is like,

it's yours.

Yeah.

You can do whatever you want.

I really wasn't annoyed by it.

I was more like, I just wondered if, well, I wonder if I should keep doing it.

But I wasn't annoyed by it because I would probably do the same thing.

Like, if I knew it was like I had a fucking patch from something I liked, it was like, let's go for $100.

Fuck it.

I'll put it on eBay.

I don't really disparage the person who put it on eBay.

I think

Maxwell's taking it personally.

He shouldn't, though.

That's nice of him to take it personally, but there's so much more important things

to

get your ire up.

That's certainly not one.

And it's not, to me,

it's not a discretion

that

I would feel personally slighted by.

Because I know I'd probably do the same thing.

No.

Yeah, I probably have done it, too.

That's your patch up there?

No, it's not my patch.

No, it all makes sense.

No, it's not my patch, but

yeah, I mean,

I still got a bunch of patches left.

I still got to give them out, you know,

and we'll see.

You know, after those are gone, we'll see, though.

We'll rethink it, you know.

And I don't care.

Like, if there's, if a patch goes up on eBay,

I mean, you do what you want with it.

It was yours to do whatever you wanted to do with it.

It wasn't, I gave you no instructions with it that you had to do,

had to put it or sew it on anything.

There were no caveats that came along with the patch.

Yeah, I mean, that's life, man.

Maybe we don't know what the circumstances were by the person who sold it on eBay.

Maybe they need it.

Maybe they needed money for something important.

You know,

that was the only thing they had of any value.

Ultimately, I guess it doesn't fucking matter.

You'd like to think that that person is in dire straits.

I'd like to think that they were like, he's resorted to selling get them patches in order to survive.

I'd like to think that he thought of it as something of value.

Like, okay.

Which it is.

It does have value.

I mean, I don't even have the new one.

I didn't think it would go for that much, but I knew it had some value.

Nice.

Do you have any of of the clocked ones?

You saw them?

You need one?

Yeah, because I have the other one.

Okay.

You know where I keep it?

Under your pillow.

On a shelf in my living room.

Really?

Yeah.

It's

right next to the,

what is it?

I have a Telum Steve Dave artifact up there.

I can't remember because I'm shot in my head, but right next to it is the patch.

All right.

I'll get you the other one.

Yeah, I'd love it.

We're out of here.

Sweet.

All right.

Yeah, I guess Brian.

So Brian got worked up.

I didn't get worked up either.

Yeah, it was like.

We got so much going on.

I mean, I'm just feeling in a great mood about Claymation.

I can't get worked up about a patch.

You got to be so happy.

That claymation was your fucking private hell.

Oh, yeah.

It was not fun.

I mean,

you're generally

a very cool cat.

Like, I don't see you get worked up by shit that often.

You know, seriously worked up by stuff.

And man, like, you had a haunted look dealing with that fucking

shit.

It was not fun, but all but all good things.

You know, you gotta go, you gotta climb the mountain to get to the top, to pin to the peak.

Was it the summit?

We're almost ready.

I'm almost ready to summit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Well, how do you feel about human sacrifices, Walt?

Do they work?

Yeah, you're

giving over a person to Satan.

Of course, you got to.

It was big in the 70s.

I don't think human sacrifices work.

I do believe, though, that you personally can barter with the devil for something.

But I don't believe that you can make a human sacrifice and have it be

it paid off for

the devil.

Because I think that that would be...

I think there are rules that God has put in place.

Why would the devil obey those rules, though?

He has to.

He's not more powerful than God.

You wouldn't say he's equally as powerful?

Not even close.

Well, then, why doesn't God just fucking waste him?

Let's say to put it in terms that people can understand.

Because we're too dumb to understand God and the devil.

If God was LeBron James, the devil

would be like the eighth man on the basketball team.

The guy who never plays a minute.

He's still good enough to bink the NBA, but

he really can't fucking.

But he's the only one.

He's a second stringer.

He's not even.

Yeah, he doesn't.

Like, he gets garbage time, as they call it.

Okay.

yeah what is your take on the devil because is he there's a lot of interpretations out there you know sure because is he

is he red no i mean with pointy ears and is there

a case to be made for him a mustache

like he was like misunderstood he was like you know what like i don't want to follow these fucking rules like i want to i want to have free will and i want to be able to do what i want without fear of this fucking guy looking over my shoulder.

He's the ultimate rebel.

Yeah, like I like

what he wanted to do, though, was like

torture people.

We don't know that.

Torment people.

We don't know what he's doing now.

We don't know that.

Of course, we know it.

Well, that's fucking God's propaganda machine.

Yeah, that's fucking

victory.

Is you know, history is written by the victors.

Lucifer lost that war.

He got cast out.

Of course, they're going to fucking write that.

But did he get too haughty?

Is that why?

He got proud.

Wasn't that it?

Like he was

so you're starting to question that hell isn't isn't um

is misunderstood and that the things that we are that we are taught don't happen there I would actually go on to say that careful Lucifer careful that hell doesn't even exist, Walter.

Well, I mean, we've known your your thoughts on both heaven and hell.

I don't even think it exists.

We know it exists.

No, did the devil have anything to do with

Eve?

You know what it exists.

Was he snake?

He was the snake.

Remember the apple?

She couldn't fucking listen.

Wait, what?

I wanted to have a fucking apple.

Yeah.

And now we're going to.

And she's like, hey, Adam, check this out.

Fucking eat this apple.

He told her, don't.

Just don't.

like can you imagine that fucking that's the that's the thing like it's not like don't fucking do like don't bang this rail of coke

don't fuck this guy over here don't eat an apple because it's like i've given you everything i've given you i've given you a garden of wonders

just don't have this but no we you can it's not that wonderful there's a fucking snake in the fucking tree looking down at me trying to get me to eat apples but it just it's i think it's a i think it's more a story story about like,

for God's sake, you have everything you need.

Except knowledge.

What do you mean?

Wasn't that the thing?

Wasn't it the tree of knowledge?

Wasn't that the whole thing?

Like the apple was.

Apple was the forbidden fruit.

Or am I just mixing it up like comic book mythology?

Which is very.

It wasn't like.

I might be.

I definitely might be doing that.

Yeah, I don't think the apple was knowledge.

I think it was just, it was like, hey, you have everything.

You want for nothing except an apple.

And because you were told you can't have it,

you have to have it, which shows you you are not appreciative and you're not, um,

you don't appreciate the gifts that God gives you.

But

I think the devil's point, but let me so, so the devil's wrong with that, though.

Can I say that?

Well, God should have it all.

He's like, I'm going to judge all you guys because I gave you this shit, but you want more.

You want to branch out of it.

Because you have everything you need.

You didn't even have clothes.

They didn't need it, though.

There wasn't anything.

There was no shame.

But what if, like, it was fat, shame, and fatty?

So if, like,

if you were

a bowl of bubblegum in the middle of the store and said to get them,

you could, you could, you could have anything you want in the store, buddy.

I just don't want you touching that bubblegum, right?

Right.

Do I think he'd stray?

And then somebody was standing nearby and was like, well, that's a fucking stupid rule.

Why would you put the bowl in the middle of the store?

Like, put the fucking bowl bowl behind the counter.

Because it's a test.

Well, then that person's like, But what are you bother testing him for?

Because

I want to see if he

appreciates everything that he has.

Does he need bubblegum too?

But that's fucking so stupid.

Wait, is he nude in this scenario?

He's just wearing a fig leaf.

But like, I swear to fig leaf,

it doesn't cover all that it should.

Oh, yeah.

Is that more like a holly leaf?

Like somebody fucked up

so you can see all his fucking

blood.

Remember, I said there's no shame?

Yeah, there's plenty of shame

in the garden of the stash.

Walt, I know how much you love to cook exotic meals for your family.

Yes.

What better way to do it?

I mean, what are you going to do?

You're a busy guy.

You're not going to go to the store and get all these fucking ingredients and shit, right?

Putting together recipes.

You need somebody who's going to do that for you, and then you just do the cooking.

And that's where Blue Apron comes in.

I love Blue Apron.

Oh, come on.

Who doesn't?

I'm not just saying that.

I use it.

It's great.

It can be delivered to 99% of the continental U.S.

wonder why it can't be all.

Yeah, like that 1%.

I would really love to know.

Maybe there's a law in some town.

Maybe they're talking about a ghost town in the middle of the desert where they're like, fuck these guys.

And 99.5% of food desserts

i don't know what that means my favorite thing is it's like no deserts i'm sorry food deserts it's it's healthy they don't send you crap the calories are listed so if you're looking to lose weight and you're sticking to a calorie regime which is what i'm trying to do this it's the way to go every calorie that goes in your gullet is accounted for that's what you're doing now that's what i'm doing i can't believe i admit you i lost six pounds already look at you man yeah From Blue Apron coming.

I'm not even kidding.

Three times a week.

You got a little nervous.

You're looking anorexic.

No, I'm not.

But I appreciate you saying that.

Blue Apron.

They'll get you anorexic.

That

appears to be their tag.

I am using Blue Apron to lose weight, and so far it's successful.

I know at least three days a week

I'm eating well.

And you get to save money, Q, for less than $10 per meal.

Yeah, and it's not crap.

That's the thing.

It's like good.

Yeah.

It's like fresh ingredients.

I eat shit food constantly, man.

That's shit in your face right now.

Blue apron.

Yeah, I know.

It's disgusting.

And that's not even what I ate today.

I ate that like three days ago.

So,

well, August is over, so

forget your spiced pork burgers and your chicken tinga tacos with summer squash and tomato sauce.

Yeah.

They were good.

That's some of the past meals.

There's meals of the future.

Can't wait.

What do we got to do?

John Titer?

Is that the guy's name that Travels from the Future?

Yeah, is that his name, Walt?

John Titer?

Yeah.

Is that the time traveling guy?

The guy who was running?

No.

No, I remember that Titer, that guy?

He claimed to be a time traveler.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Why?

Why'd you bring that up?

I wasn't paying attention.

We were talking about meals from the future.

Yeah.

Meals from the future.

Yeah, like he's cooking them right now.

He already knows what sounds like November's folks.

That's got to be the freshest meals of all meals from the future.

I would stay away from meals from the past, though.

Yeah.

You don't want to see my meals from the past.

It's fucking, I blow up balls right and left.

Check out my past meals.

Go to that's blueapron.com/slash T-E-S-D.

Blue Apron, a better way to cook.

Oh, that's their actual tagline.

Okay.

Nice.

But I got to be honest with you.

I know in the last couple weeks it's been kind of touch and go at me and get them.

This week, though, you asked me about the bubblegum test.

Yeah.

I could leave the most

delicious

and bubbly bubblegum in a bowl with a spotlight shining on it.

And I could be like, get him.

You can have everything the stash offers and me and more.

Meat.

And Mike and everything.

You can have me.

You can have Mike.

Mike's like, huh?

Our friendship, our camaraderie.

Everything that comes with it.

You know,

now you're getting a paycheck.

Everything that comes with

the benefits, everything that comes with

being a member here,

being one.

Just don't eat that bubblegum.

He ain't going to touch it.

He's not going to go after that bubblegum.

What if it's chicken tender tacos in there instead of bubblegum?

Do you have the same faith?

I mean, what a weird thing.

You should do it just so he's like, yeah, really, you should do it.

Oh, did we reveal the shoplifting scenario?

No, no, we never did talk about that.

I don't think we ever even talked about it, like the scenario to Q.

I don't think we ever talked about it.

But let's go real quick.

We'll end with that.

I did a little scientific experiment with Giddam.

Okay.

He failed it, but still, it was.

It wasn't for lack of.

It wasn't like a bubblegum-type scenario.

It was.

Who cooked this up?

Well, first off, where did this start?

Get me to the root of this.

Did it start with Kevin?

Kevin did a...

Kevin on the radar.

I love it already.

Kevin is on Kevin's radar, and Kevin is plotting against him.

This is already amazing.

No, no.

We were filming the last bits of

Comic Book Man, where Kevin comes into town and we do the podcast.

And I guess he does this thing with his phone where he can videotape us on his phone.

That's Facebook Live.

And people can see us

on the internet.

Sure.

And people can see it live.

Sure.

And Facebook has that now.

Facebook Live.

That's the Round of Periscope.

Yeah.

right.

Okay.

But also, okay, but wait a minute, though.

I don't know if you know this, but you could also watch it at a later date, too.

You don't have to watch it live.

Like, if you're following him or whatever, you can see that video anytime you want, unless he deletes it.

I didn't know that, but now I do.

I guess Giddam watched a video of us from Kevin's feed.

And in it, Kevin made a joke.

I don't know what in context was.

It's like, I guess all the comic book men are here

filming this today.

So if you're at the Stash, it's going to be an easy day for you to shoplift.

Because we're all here.

It was a joke.

Get him later that night texted me and said,

I wish Kev didn't say that about you know that it's easy to shoplift at the stash.

And I was like, Well, first off, I said it was a joke.

Obviously, he didn't mean it.

And

he goes, Oh, because it would because if I'm working, it's not easy to shoplift at the stash.

And I was like, Well, and I was like, Well, don't pride just like Satan.

Pride goes before the fall.

Yeah,

One of Walt's most favorite angels.

And I said, well, don't get too, don't get too.

I love that you're fielding this.

And I said, this is through a text.

I said, don't, don't break your arm.

I said, pat yourself on the back.

I said, because I guarantee you that, you know, somebody could shoplift right under their nose, you wouldn't even know it.

And he goes, not a chance.

Not a chance and repeated it.

And I said, really?

I go, so when you're playing your fucking Pokemon game, you're telling me that you're able to watch as everybody's in that store?

And he goes, oh, you saw me playing the Pokemon game?

And I said, I tell you what, I said, I go, let's have a little test.

I said, tomorrow, I said,

I will send a plant in.

I said,

as a shoplifter.

And if you can catch them in the act of shoplifting, I will bow to your security skills.

Okay.

And he was reluctant to do it.

He said, he maintained because a plant

has no fear of getting caught, so they will act differently than a real shock.

Kenneth has a point.

I said, I take that point into consideration.

I said, but let's, as a scientific experiment,

let's just do it anyway.

And I said, and he said, well, okay, but do you really want me

being like a super vigilant sentry as people walk through the door?

Well, he should just do what he's doing.

Well, no, I do again.

I took that point.

I was like, no, I don't.

I don't want you to be like this over-aggressive.

Because that's not what he's doing.

That's what I'm saying.

He should act like he normally acts if people can't get it on the equation.

Right.

A good point.

And I said, okay, I'll take this out of the, okay, let me put this into the equation.

The plant then won't be a customer, I said.

It will be a member of the comic book men productions crew.

Okay.

And at some point, they will come in and they will steal $100 worth of stuff under your nose.

Wow.

Now, my idea was to send all the black crew members in at once

and see how he dealt with that situation.

But

I squashed that.

I felt like I couldn't go and ask that of the crew.

You guys know stereotypes, right?

Those guys would have totally done it to fuck with me.

They definitely would have done it.

And so I said, and so the next day, I was like, are you up for it?

We're going to do this today?

And he was like, no, I don't want to do it.

I don't want to do it.

And I was just like, why?

You were so boastful and you were so cocksure.

I said, why are you so unwilling to put up or shut up?

And he goes, because he goes, I won't prove anything.

He goes, I go, it will prove everything.

I said, let's do it.

And finally, he was like, all right, let's do it.

You actually don't even need his permission to do this test because

according to him, tests or not, he's catching them.

Yeah.

But I want this.

And then he said, and I said, look,

I'll even give you the parameters.

I said, we won't do it during the hours of one to three.

Because I know that's when we're busy, because we would shut down.

Production would stop and regular customers come in.

So the store is in a closed atmosphere, and the crew is going to come in and take $100 worth of stuff under his nose and walk out with it.

But I did throw him a curveball.

I didn't have a crew member do it.

I had to walk.

There's a kid that hangs out here, he's like 15 years old.

He hangs out here a lot, and he's on a first-name basis.

We give him action, like he can hang out while we're shooting.

He's that great a kid.

And I had him steal volumes one through seven of Sin City and walk out, not under his shirt, just under his arm with all seven books, right out the front door as Gidam fucking was sitting there with a stupid look on his face as he was talking on the phone.

He was talking to the guy who took a piss on the floor.

He was talking

about the music.

Wait, what?

What happened to Walter?

You married?

Oh, really?

He was talking to that guy on the phone.

And I sent the kid out.

What that fucking conversation must have been like.

Jesus.

For so long, too.

And I told him to go out to the front.

I said, go sit on the park bench and I'll send Giddam out

when to come back in.

So I told Giddam, I was like, stop talking on the phone.

I said, I go, Jack has something out there he needs to talk to you about.

And he came back in.

His face was fucking red as a tomato.

It really was.

I was out there like laughing when he saw those books.

And Jack didn't really know what was going on.

When Giddam saw those books, he's like,

he was pissed.

He was pissed that he, you know.

And then he had all these reasons as to why.

And Walt's like, well, why the fuck didn't you just hang up?

And he's like, he would.

Have you ever talked to him?

He'll just call you right back.

It's like, so what?

Like, so what?

But

he didn't like that he fucking that he got got.

Most people don't.

Right.

Getting got sucks.

But yeah, so I mean, again, I take it as just like one, like, you know how they train like people at the airport to not get things through.

I told him I'll be doing that from time to time here, though.

Okay.

I'll send him plants just to keep him on his toes.

That's great.

I want to come in dressed in an old man suit and try to get out from under him.

That would be amazing.

You should dress as that mime.

Oh, wow.

I want someone to do me up like a 99-year-old guy to come in and I want to get him.

I want to got him.

You know who could do it?

Got him, Steve Davis.

I mean, if he's in the area and he's like, sure, I guess, I'll bet you Kurtzman could do it.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, but like, so he's going to devote 12 hours to make you look like an old man.

Yeah, he's like, that'll be four grand.

Well, just put on blackface and do it.

That'd be all right.

I would recognize you.

All right, well, that was the get.

But anyway, but to go back to the most important test, though, Giddam is not taking one piece of bubblegum.

Okay.

I believe he is.

He's very rule-centric and very rule-oriented.

Yeah.

So I believe

he would respect the rules.

Satan was

like a game.

If Giddam was Adam,

or he was Eden, or I mean, he was Eve,

we wouldn't be in the mess we're in right now.

Because he would follow the world.

We'd all be in that garden.

Well, we probably wouldn't be alive then.

Why?

I mean, it's the original fucking arranged marriage.

It's like, okay, so God created some guy, and out of his spare parts, he's like, I guess I'll build a woman.

It wasn't, I guess, he was asked.

Who asked?

Oh, Adam was like, hey,

build me something to bang?

I don't think it was that crude.

I want companionship.

He's like, I need to beget someone.

I think it was about, like, I'm lonely.

It would be nice to have a companion.

He's like, I gave you a fucking snake.

What's with the.

Well, it says here,

why did Satan fall from heaven?

Because of pride.

He desired to be God, not to be a servant.

Notice the many I will statements in Isaiah and Ezekiel, blah, blah, blah.

It describe Satan as an exceedingly beautiful angel.

Satan was likely the highest of all angels, the the anointed cherub, the most beautiful of all God's creations.

Cherub.

But not content in his position.

Instead, he desired to be God to essentially kick God off his throne and take over the universe.

Cherubs ain't good looking.

I know, they're like fat little fucking babies.

Like, they're always carrying banners around, like those sheets.

That is essentially why what Satan tempted Adam and Eve with in the Garden of Eden.

How did he fall from heaven?

Actually, fall is not an accurate description.

It would be far more accurate to say he was cast out.

He was not casting, he was pushed out.

Yeah, man.

Don't let your tail get stuck in it, cherk off.

Well,

here is something that says that Adam

had a first wife named Lilith.

Damn!

Who

refused to be subservient to him, and then she banged the angel of death.

That is fucking

metal shit recorded.

Their babies with demons.

Is this some sort of like

it like some sort of fan fiction no it's it's hebrew uh it's it's hebrew um

the angel of death what the now see if i when i went to church when i was young if they were talking about that yeah i would have been like all right there's something down with well is it isn't is the angel of death lucifer or is that there are some it appears that some of them are saying he is but then other people are saying no

He is the chief angel of the fifth heaven.

I don't even know there was more than one heaven.

In Judaism, Samuel,

Samael is said to be the angel of death, one of the seven archangels, the ruler over the fifth heaven, and commander of two million angels.

But he banged Lilith.

Do you believe angels watch over you?

Well, no.

No.

No.

Of course not.

No, because why wouldn't they be watching over more worthy people?

Well, that's not what I said.

No, I mean,

not that you're not worthy.

Yeah.

But, you know, like when

little kids die and shit, you know, like, where's our angel?

I don't buy that.

I never did buy the whole, like, well, it's all part of God's bigger plan or God needed another angel like that kind of thing.

Like, that is the fucking most bullshit answer.

It's just like, no, that's what happens.

People

not everybody makes it.

You've got to accept, though, that the human mind can't comprehend.

the big picture.

Just can't.

Right.

So just admit it instead of making up stupid shit and pushing it onto kids, right?

Pushing what onto kids.

Like some of the fucking religious nonsense that I was fed when I was, when I went to church.

Like everything, like, like, Pam, like, dude, it was literal.

Like, literal out of the Bible shit that I'm like, like, you can't be for real.

You know?

Like, what?

What was the parting the Red Sea?

Like, then you're talking magical shit.

Yeah, well, the whole, I mean, people like living the 900 years old.

You know.

They're called miracles, though.

No, it's called bullshit.

It's not called miracles.

You know, the the um the the plagues, things that people used to think are plagues and we now recognize as like natural phenomenon, you know.

It's I don't know.

I think it's why I became such a cynical, skeptical fuck is because

my mother believed anything.

and everything she was told and would just I think I've told I think I've said it before where like you know we're Methodists and I'm like eight or nine, and I'm like, well,

what about like

relatives who are Jewish or

Catholics?

Yeah, they're all going to hell because they don't believe the same things.

And it's just, as opposed to, like, I don't know.

I don't know.

Yeah,

sometimes I don't know is a good enough answer.

Sometimes it's the only answer because she doesn't know.

But some people are so unwilling to say, I don't know.

They want to provide an answer even to

questions that

they have no answer for, but yet they're unwilling to admit they don't know the answers.

That bugs me.

I wanted to ask you this.

Yeah.

I watched it the other day on Netflix.

It's a documentary about

this religious, I guess you would eventually, you know, that you would call it a cult.

It's called Holy Hell, right?

Yeah, I saw it on CNN.

Oh, you watched it?

I watched some of it.

This is what it is.

Q QNX member charts his path from idealism to disenchantment in a California cult when alarming revelations about the group's leader come to light.

But you see the people, right?

I mean, they, and it's not the first time you've seen this in a cult.

You've seen it in the Manson family.

You've seen it in the Branch Davidians.

You've seen it in the Jonestown people.

You saw it in these people.

You see it constantly is this level of happiness and fulfillment and contentment that you're like, this can only be the product of mental disease.

You know, because

they're so

happy and seem to be so enveloped with this like aura of love.

I'm like, what the fuck, man?

Could you ever, could you see yourself in circumstances where you buy into it?

Or you're not just sitting back being like, what the fuck?

Yeah, if things can, like, if, like, if

life turns the wrong way here, takes a wrong turn there,

you're in a desperate place.

You're in a mode of, like,

I need something so bad, I don't care what it is,

I need to fill this

horrible hole.

Yeah, it's called Roxy Codone.

And

this guy sounds like he has all the answers.

And if I just do this, I'm going to be happy.

But that happiness you see on camera is unsustainable, though.

You know, dancing in a forest for 16 hours

with a euphoric, you know,

face.

Yeah.

You know,

reality creeps in.

It's like, well, okay, we dance for 16 hours today, but we can't fucking eat because nobody has any money.

You know,

it's like.

But early on, it seemed like their system did work.

It's like, you know, oh, you don't have a lot of money, so you

become a

cook or something.

What's that called?

Marter system.

No, you get a community.

I forget what it's called.

Commune, yeah.

Right.

Then it then it works, but only for a little time.

You know, for a short time, these people.

Because people get bored, right?

They're like, I don't know.

Like, we've danced 16 hours a day for the past fucking three weeks.

Well,

he looks sick.

How is he sick?

Because he's getting old.

Or his fucking brain tumor is fucking acting up so bad.

What the reason that most of these cult leaders have, they usually most of them have a tumor or something that's yeah, like some sort of catastrophic brain disease.

Yeah.

And people are like, oh shit, I've been listening to this motherfucker all the time.

You know, and they're getting more and more delusional and more like paranoid.

That begins to hammer home how

fucked and how fucked they are that they listen to this.

Yeah, like those, like the hellbop people.

Yeah.

They're like, I mean, first off, to be like, all right, we're all going to kill ourselves because we're going to jump on a fucking spaceship.

It's like, I mean, that's the spaceship part sounds pretty good.

Killing, not so great.

And he's like, then he takes it another step and he's like, we're all going to wear the same sneakers.

I'm like, now you're just throwing out random shit to see what people go along.

Didn't we, in the original Overkill Run interview,

the guy who ran his guy who's still doing websites, still is still running it, waiting for the return

of

Doe, and I forget two of the other guy.

I got him out.

Man, that was a good interview.

Yeah,

he won't go on audio or camera, but he'll answer emails.

No, but I remember we sent him, we were like, and he was like, as long as the questions are respectful, I'll answer them.

And he, true to his word, answered every fucking question.

Did you know there's a vortex in my pants?

Well, that's also in those episodes of Overkill.

Well, what was your story about?

You believe it's human sacrifice.

Oh, yeah, okay.

So in the 70s, it was big, man.

People were constantly offering up human sacrifices.

It's a virgin.

Right.

Yeah, race with the devil, remember?

Why does the devil want a virgin, Kill?

He doesn't.

Well, no.

I mean, well, why do people think he wants a virgin?

Why do people think he wants to be a person?

Because that's the ultimate sinless person being given over to him for his mechanisms.

His mechanisms.

There's no greater sin than fornication.

Not even murder.

Is that what you're saying?

I'm saying a virgin is resembles purity.

Pure, not touching.

Represents, not resembles.

Right.

By man's icky stick.

Yeah, his fucking footlong.

Yeah, his fucking

get him as him, please decide that fig leaf.

Yeah, he's like, check this out.

But yeah, it's really not just Satan, but like gods, you know, like Aztec gods and this god and that god.

Everybody wants a virgin.

Oh, throw her in a volcano.

Oh, fucking, you know.

Well, I mean, chuck her in a fucking.

It's also, it's not like it's

not relevant.

It's still on the rise today.

I mean, there's still some religions out there that want virgins, right?

Promised 72 virgins.

Yep.

It's still sought after.

These gals are in demand.

And this is nothing against virgin females.

But let's say you're a fucking asshole suicide bomber, right?

And you're like, all right, I do this.

Muhammad's going to be pretty pleased with me.

And not only that, I get 72 girls with zero sexual experience.

Like, how is that fucking fun?

I'd be like, give me 72 sluts.

Yeah, you're fucking talking.

Give me 72 strippers in here.

You get 72 strippers, I'll fucking blow up whatever the fuck you want me to blow up.

I'll blow up the stash.

I'll blow up that fucking bowl of bubblegum.

I don't give a fuck.

It's too bad that they're, I mean, well, not too bad, but it's

it would be easier if there were if they could, if there were more female suicide bombers because it's probably a lot easier to find 72 male virgins.

Yeah.

Yeah.

At a Comic-Con.

Yeah, that's a 72,000.

I could round up a bunch.

Guys, come here.

Yeah,

female suicide.

What is the male virgin in that religion?

What do they

regulate it to if they die before they've fornicated?

I have no clue, man.

What do you think that they're,

are they promised to anybody, you think?

I don't know.

These are questions for Tom Steve Dave's official Muslim Bobsy.

We have one, right?

Yeah.

Still around?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

So I would like, I mean, and this is a serious idea, but like, I wonder what the,

is there some sort of special place for the male virgin?

Well, and

fucking mockery.

Yeah.

But you know, you've kept it.

You talk about it's only okay for the female to be pure?

Yeah.

It's almost standard that they exist in every fucking religion, every ethnic religion.

But like,

let's go, let's go back throughout history.

All these religions have coveted the female virgin, not a mention of the fucking male virgin.

Why is that?

Because that's embarrassing.

For who?

Hopefully, for the dude, he's got to be out there trying to make it happen.

But at least in fucking in afterlife, he should be rewarded, though, right?

I guess, but I mean, it's good.

You should be punished.

Dude, you should have been slaying ass when you're on fucking earth.

I gave you life for a reason, you fucking chump.

Can you come to me with a dry boner, you fuckload?

You make me sick.

Get behind me, see?

Okay, so anyway, so the human sacrifice ceremony, and this is from a couple weeks ago, at Geneva's CERN laboratory involving cloaked men stabbing a woman at night, was investigated

by chiefs.

at a world-famous science center, okay?

So this is the place where they do like the particle acceleration that

loads of...

That's going to open up a black hole at Earth?

Wait a minute.

So at the same facility where they have the machine that can open a black hole, there's speculation that they also performed a human sacrifice?

They launched an investigation into a video filmed at night on its Geneva campus depicting.

Seriously?

Yeah, a mock ritual human sacrifice.

Oh, okay.

It was just

for play, like for Halloween, they did it.

I guess.

I mean, it was a couple weeks ago.

The bizarre video, which is circulated online,

shows individuals in black cloaks gathering at their main square at Europe's top physics lab in what appears to be a reenactment of an occult ceremony.

So I guess they're saying that

they're sacrificing a girl to that, it's always a girl, it's never a guy,

virgin or not, to

Satan in order to get, I guess, their particle accelerator to work.

Oh, so

they believe that the particle is.

That's how much nerds fucking want to get this shit going.

Yeah, but they can't even, if you're not going to go through with it, it's not going to do anything.

That's like just doing it just to have a laugh then.

Well, they're saying that those responsible had access badges.

Did this really happen?

Yeah.

It says, I mean, they're saying that it was a mock.

Or maybe they try to cover it up, Walt.

Yeah, this is what I'm saying.

Is this a cover-up?

They host machinery carrying out some of the world's most elaborate particle research, including an enormously powerful proton smasher.

I don't believe that's true anyway.

You don't think they can smash protons?

What are they doing?

Just building big machines and saying they fucking got the keys to the universe and shit when they don't know nothing.

So

they could scare everyone?

Yeah.

They're like, we're smashing protons.

I'd be like, what does that do?

Right.

Because, again, most people are like, well, I got a fucking, I'm working two jobs to make ends meet.

Yeah.

I don't have time to investigate what that even means.

So people are just like, oh, okay, well,

don't cause a black hole, I hope.

And that's it, and you forget about it.

Right.

And what's the purpose of smashing a proton?

Just to say you did it?

Are they smashing protons?

Well, yeah, they said

it's the home of a very powerful proton smasher.

Well,

why are they doing a sacrifice?

The machine's not working, right?

All this money poured into it and it don't do shit.

Well, it's just a big can opener.

Oh, it smashes protons trying to find previously undiscovered particles.

So they smash a proton like you would, like, say, break a bottle, and they try, you know,

and they're trying to find out what's inside it to see if they can find that God particle or whatever, maybe.

The keys to the universe.

The keys to the universe, yeah.

So they can fucking unlock it.

We'll have a bunch of fucking devils running around.

The keys in the universe is in a book.

Is that book the Bible?

I'm assuming.

Don't assume.

Okay.

So, yeah.

Everyone's looking for the keys of the universe everywhere, but where it really is.

In the Bible.

Okay.

We got it.

It's kind of a fucking straightforward idea.

He's trying to be all cryptic.

Is that being too on the money for you?

Just a little on the nose.

The keys of the universe are where they've always been.

Seek and you shall find.

How's that?

Is that better?

Is that a little bit more?

I don't want to come across too heavy-handed.

Yeah,

the Bible's so judgmental and angry.

Oh, I found some weird Bible shit today, man.

I was reading something.

Yeah, there's some pretty violent.

I mean, it's for another time.

Well, that's because we live in a world that doesn't want any judgments.

That's why it feels like it's too judgmental for you.

Could you expand that?

What do you mean?

We live in a world now where

we're trying to

society is trying to take

take away judgment judgments are seen as ugly and as

either

what's it called when you're

when you're not when you're

when you don't like girls okay no homosexual no when you're hate oh misogyny

judgments can be racially motivated

sexually motivated

so that's what you move away from.

You move away from, you were trying to move away from a society of, take away all judgments.

So that's why you're feeling the effects of that now.

Yeah.

So that's why when you hear stuff like the Bible's talking about, it sounds so judgmental.

You're like, well, that's too harsh.

So

you're saying that a tolerant society is against the notions laid out in the Bible?

Yeah, I mean,

there's definitely things in the Bible that are too harsh for

that people don't want who and it's society's fault, not the Bible's fault.

You ever hear of a little town called Sodom and Gomorrah?

I have, yeah.

Have you heard of what happened to them?

Didn't they get turned to salt?

Yeah.

Well, no.

I mean, I was in it, Lot's wife.

So it got turned into a pillar of salt because he's like, don't look back.

She looks back and he's like, you fucking dumb bitch.

Again, I told you.

I got to eat the apple.

I got gotta go eat the apple.

Don't shoot the guy.

Let me look and see what's going on over here.

What's going on over there?

Fucking do what you're told.

Why is it so hard?

I will tell you this: if God

fucking told me to do something directly, I would have to listen to him.

You say that now, but we're example after example of people being told directly by God, don't do this.

And they went ahead and did it anyway.

Yeah, but I'm just saying, for me, I think if God was like, don't do this, I would probably not do that.

Okay, what if it was something as simple as don't

watch,

don't read this book?

It's like this new comic book.

God said it's a new book.

You would be like, I wonder why he said that.

Why would he say that?

I don't think that would be the first fucking thing on my mind.

I'd be like, what the fuck?

He exists.

Oh, so God himself told you?

Yeah, like George Byrd's God came down.

You wouldn't be all about trying to figure out why he told you not to read it.

I would be like, I'd be like, wait, so I'm good.

You have to rethink your entire fucking life now.

Yeah, but I would be like, I'm good as long as I don't read that comic.

I'd be like, well, that's fucking great.

I cannot read that comic.

But you wouldn't be, but your inquisital, is that the right word?

Inquisitive.

Inquisitive mind.

Wow.

The way you're built wouldn't be like, why wouldn't you buy it?

No, the way I'm buying that book that he doesn't want me to see.

The way I'm built would be like, I can do a lot of fun things now and not worry about it because I got it made as long as I don't fucking do it.

Well, that's not a free pass to just become a fun thing.

No.

Why?

Adam and Eve had no other rules.

There's no other rules besides that.

Well, he didn't say that.

See, that's you doing that.

But in the Garden of Eden, there were no other rules.

Don't eat the alley.

Do whatever you want.

You're not in the Garden of Eden.

You're still on fucking Staten Island.

Which, to some is considered.

You said there's no hell.

You're wrong.

Right.

Nothing but serpents.

But he didn't say you could do anything you want.

He just said, Q,

there's a new issue of your favorite comic book that's coming out next week.

Right.

You can never read it.

Okay.

That's it.

Now you're taking that into being like, I can do whatever I want now.

Well, I'm just going by the.

Right.

You're right.

You're right.

You're right.

I concede that point.

So I wouldn't read it.

Motherfucker is going to turn me to salt.

You want to know why he's forbidden it for you?

I mean.

Why he's made that your forbidden fruit?

I'm pretty.

I would just assume he's an asshole.

Okay, let's say something more to be.

You can't do any

more of this.

No more.

No more hanky-panky?

No more hanky-panky.

It's forbidden.

Oh, come on.

I would probably have to.

And

if you do it,

I'm going to give you three shots at this.

First time you do it,

covered in boils for the rest of your life.

He has to put on even more band-aids.

Horrible, horrible boils.

Okay, so I'm probably not getting late a second time then.

Second time you do it.

Someone did marry you.

Second time you do it,

limb falls off.

Limbs just like, you know, turn black and they just fall off.

Okay.

Third time you do it.

And then I manage to get laid a third time anyway.

Yeah, I have to imagine your standards are dropping precipitously as time goes on.

Third time you do it, that's it.

You're fucking cast down into hell.

Then you're not going to worry about getting laid anymore because your fucking ass is getting fucking peppered left and right by fucking demon dick.

The only thing real in hell is arcades.

They're making a stew of your anus.

Your boil-infested ass is fucking

just been pierced.

Can I jerk off?

While you're getting demons going.

No, no.

Yeah, is the demon giving him a return?

That don't sound so bad.

Yeah, he just said you cannot fornicate.

Yeah, I mean, if I knew, if I felt in my heart that if I did, I would get boils and my limb wood falls off, I could probably stay with you.

You've had enough.

Yeah.

You've had a good run.

I'm done.

Leave it alone.

Yeah, I'm okay with it.

Especially since I could jerk off.

That's fucking great.

Here's.

I'm glad to hear it.

I think a lot of people listening are happy to hear that, too.

That you respect the word of God enough to fucking

fucking fuck three times and rot his way into hell.

Yeah.

That's a hard choice.

God's a bully at that point.

Even if he just did it one time.

But that's today's society talking about that.

You think back then, back when he told Job that,

he wasn't.

He was being a dick.

He was kind of being a dick.

But there was no.

Why are all these conditions?

You can't, again, your brain can't comprehend why these things.

He sounds like a fucking psycho.

Yeah, he does.

He sounds like he's mentally deranged.

He's just making up random shit, be like, okay, now here's the rules.

And the next day the rules might be be totally different.

Right.

That's what I'm saying.

Satan sounds like he fucking kind of knows what the deal is to me.

Yeah, he's like, I'm going to put up with this fucking shit forever?

Like an eternity?

Yeah.

Beautiful as I am.

Are you fucking kidding me?

This is a.

You guys, hopefully, before

you will

come around.

Hopefully, before

you have a chance to come back and repair

the bridge.

Let's hope.

There's always hope.

That bridge is a one-way bridge, though.

It's still open to you.

You just got to fucking

build it.

I hope so.

Not ruling it out, Walt.

This is an early judgment

that could still apply today.

Thou shalt not tranny-trick thy way into the wrong bathroom.

No, no, no.

It says, okay, this is where an example of Jesus being a real jerk.

Early in the morning, as Jesus was on his way back to the city, he was hungry.

Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up but found nothing on it except leaves.

Then he said to it, now he's talking to a tree now.

Cool.

May you never bear fruit again.

Immediately, the tree withered.

Well, that's just a temper tantrum.

Yeah, that's what I mean.

Like, Jesus,

he is a pretty good, I mean, not many people have bad things to say about Jesus.

No, he comes off as pretty fucking cool.

Like a likable guy.

Yeah.

So all of a sudden now you're worried about a tree, Diane?

I'm not really worried about a tree so much, but it is just like, now you got to curse a tree just because it didn't have any figs on it.

I am worried about an aspect of God that is having temporaries.

That's fucking pretty scary.

Got a lot to deal with, man.

Here you go.

Virgin shit again.

No, this is God.

Now, therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known men intimately.

But all the girls who have not known men intimately, spare for yourselves.

Oh, that's fucking

so.

Again, keep all the virtual.

I'm fucking back back in Asian, wherever the fuck this is, and I'm married, and me and my wife love each other, and we're faithful to each other all these years, but just because we had sex after we got married, she's getting put to death.

Yeah, that sounds rude.

Oh, no, just the young boys.

Then they're going to kill your son, too.

That's insane.

Who requests that?

This is a great one.

I've read this before.

I remember reading this as a kid and fucking thinking it was hysterical.

Elisha went up to Bethel.

As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him.

Get out of here, Baldy.

They said, get out of here, Baldy.

We were on the Christmas one, didn't we?

Did we?

Yeah.

He turned around, looked at them, and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord.

Yeah, two bears came out of the woods and bawled 42 boys.

Now, this is a guy who's like, I got no hair.

So you wouldn't fucking want to do that to some fucking asshole on the internet?

Some troll on the internet?

You wouldn't want to fucking have him walk out.

You're not so angry at one point.

Because this is not God doing that.

He's like, like, hey, Beardy, hey, beardy.

Yeah, you wouldn't want to fucking.

I'm like, woo!

You know, you want to want to.

Well, there's 42 of them.

I'll get this board shut down.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You've had a little tantrum.

Oh, I've had tantrums.

I have tantrums all the time.

Yeah.

So he's not Jesus.

That wasn't Jesus who did that.

No, it was Jesus with a fig tree.

Right, but Jesus killed a fig tree for no reason.

The bear thing was not him.

That was some other guy.

He's a punk.

He's a neighborhood punk.

Yeah, man.

I think those are the fucking fucking fucking stuff.

He pumped the fucking fucking trees out of season and like everybody's got a fucking.

Those are not really.

I don't take it literally, I think.

Those are just metaphors for other, you know, their stories and examples.

Okay.

Okay.

So the fig tree thing is not really a tree.

He was hungry and some fucking merchant had run out of food.

And Jesus is like, you fucking cunt.

And then he just

fucking burns his stand to the ground.

They probably would have said that, though, if that happened.

It probably was a tree.

He did did flip over all those money levels.

I think it probably was a tree.

It probably just was a tree.

Yeah.

You're right.

What was your second story?

Was it a good one?

It wasn't that good.

It was about this.

That fucking Polaroid one's good, man.

Yeah, that was a good one.

Yeah, I'll scan it.

I'll send it to you guys.

Yeah.

I'll scan it.

I gave you a good picture of it.

Football is back this week, Colonel.

Yeah.

Has the Colonel got any hot picks for this week?

I'm in two football pools.

Okay.

Yeah.

Who's going to perform well this week?

Who's playing?

Everybody.

It's fucking opening weekend.

I got to go with the fucking

Giants.

Which team?

My team?

Yeah.

Probably Dallas Cowboys.

Dallas Cowboys.

They had the Chielitas.

Yeah, Romo's out.

They're going to have a rough year.

Yeah.

Yeah, another rough year.

I'm going to go then the New York Giants.

New York Giants.

Are you discounting Dak Prescott's abilities, Walt?

Oh, from the Tony Romo's backup?

He's an attractive player at quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys.

You better hope so if you're a Cowboy fan.

Yeah, I mean, I love that this time of year.

I really, I mean, it's hard to get into football immediately, but I love when the weather turns a bit chillier and there's a night game on, and you could just get it.

You can get a comforter and put it on the couch.

Get the two dogs there laying by side by side, and you're just watching pigskin all night.

There's nothing better than that.

I saw something the other day.

You'll already know this.

You can think of like a million things better than that.

Really?

There's no finer evening in my life than just sitting here watching football all night

when it's cold out.

And if it's raining out, it's even better because you get that chin in the air.

That's cool.

You just get the comfort.

You get the two dogs keeping you warm, and

you're watching your team.

It doesn't even matter who wins.

It's just a spectacle of watching football.

Somebody showed me a football clip that Walt, you will undoubtedly already know, but it made me almost be like,

that's what I'm missing.

I got to check it out.

And it was

Odell Beckham's one-handed catch.

Oh, you never saw that.

And I have a sword.

Holy fuck, that was impressive.

That reminded me of the soccer guy running because it didn't look real.

It was, it was,

even I.

That's a freak of nature.

That's, that's an um, like, he'll like he, we watched a guy have the best moment of his life.

Well, he's a hot.

He's actually mentioned in this ad.

Odell Beckham Jr.

will go mad against the Cowboys.

Yes, he's expensive.

What team is he on?

He's on the Giants.

Oh, well, then I'm a Giants fan.

He's worth it.

Go Giants for value.

Marvin Jones Jr.

as the number two wide receiver for Detroit.

Probably a shootout in Indy, and he only cost $5,500.

This is all about having fun, Q.

Yeah.

And we have a league there.

And it's back in New York.

FanDuel's back in New York now.

They got booted out.

No, well, they tried to boot him out, but they couldn't boot out the FanDuel.

But you said you're in

a couple fantasy leagues, but there's only one fantasy league that matters, Q, and that's the TESD league.

Well, I got to get in on that.

Who wants to run it for me?

Anyone?

Who wants to win me some money?

Go sign up today.

Go to fan duel.com, click the join now button, and use my code TESD.

How about this?

Okay.

I got patches.

Oh.

I got patches

to the person who finishes in last

this week and the person who finishes in first.

I'm giving away two patches.

email me on Monday, KMUS2.

Show me a screenshot of you finishing last,

and the other guy show me a screenshot of them finishing in first.

Nice.

We don't even give a shit if you put those patches right on eBay.

Yeah, you can do whatever you want with them, but I also know that

we're not getting a lot of traffic to the FanDuel TSD League.

Oh, shit.

Really?

Yes,

well, because FanDuel fucked it up last time.

They said it was ready to go, and it wasn't.

People were trying to join.

This time, I'm sure FanDuel has spared no expense in cleaning up the

clutter and

the problems that they had with the Telm Steve Dave Fantasy League.

Also, FanDuels.

You should hear these guys.

Go ahead.

I was going to say, they sponsored Impractical Jokers last year, so

I'm double-dipping on them.

You have a soft spot in your heart.

Yeah, I do.

You should hear these guys on the crew, like on the production crew, talk about fantasy, football, fantasy league.

They say the word fantasy over and over and over again, without mentioning women at all.

And I'm like, what the fuck's with you guys, man?

At the rap party, Duncan had his computer out.

As

Nichelle is giving like this heartfelt speech about the season, his laptop is out and it's like dinging whenever one of Duncan's guys, like, he gets him or whatever.

I don't know how it works, but I'm just like, this guy can't even fucking addictive.

Yeah, I guess people love it.

It's addictive.

I don't know.

It says here, Q, I'm trying to figure out, but it just says, we are doing our own listener league.

If you want to play in the TSD Listener League, go to fan duel.com/slash TESD.

There is a $5 entry.

So, I heard there was only one person in the league right now for us.

Oh, there's only one guy in there.

So, he's definitely, if he's the only person, he's got two.

He's getting both patches.

He's getting both patches.

Yeah, you know what?

Is it hard to figure out?

You know what?

I'll do what?

More.

I'll give anybody who joins this league this week a patch.

Holy shit.

As long as I have enough patches to go around, and I got about.

Can't you say, like, the first fucking

hundred people?

That guy with the fucking eBay patch right now is like, oh, shit.

The first.

Hold on a second.

How much is Fanu.

Wait, wait, wait.

Before you say this, how much is FanDuel paying us versus how much do the fucking patches cost?

Because you might be busting us right out of the profitability.

You don't even care.

I don't even care.

I want to get rid of these patches.

They're causing some strife.

They're causing some controversy.

I'd rather just get rid of them at this point.

Get on to the third patch.

Get back to what matters, which is fan duel.

25 people, it doesn't matter where you finish, the first 25 people are going to get a patch.

And I know that's only open, I think, to people in America, but there's nothing I can do about that.

Think about it, man.

You pay five bucks, even if you fucking lose, you get a patch anyway.

People are paying upwards of $8,700 to $100 for a patch online.

If you want a patch,

there's a way to do it.

Five bucks, you're guaranteed a patch first 25 people.

Wow.

We don't fucking see a nickel of it.

We're losing the money on this.

Yeah, that's how much we fucking believe in Finn Dwight.

Like crazy Eddie.

At the last second, Walt figured out a fucking batch scheme.

Did you guys see

this soccer match where they caught a time traveler

on camera?

No, I missed that one.

How do I get to history on here?

You see the book, the little book up top?

It looks like an open book on the left-hand side?

I don't even have the fucking energy to argue this one, man.

But it's out of soccer game, so I thought that.

I thought you would like it.

Yeah.

Soccer game.

Time travel.

Time travel.

I mean, this one's hard to deny.

It's on a televised soccer game.

Okay.

And

you see this person.

And they theorize this could be how time travel is really done.

Again, it's so visual, Bri.

I'm not sure if

it's worth talking about, though, because you really got to see the video to understand what's going on.

Okay, here it is, Keok.

You want to come over and look at this?

Bri, you want to come over?

Yeah, that's it.

Okay, I'll watch it at the same time.

Okay, so it's a couple guys walking.

We've seen this before.

Arguing?

We've talked about this on the show before.

No, we haven't.

Here we have.

No, we haven't.

Yes, we have.

I've never seen this video before.

I told you right now.

Holy shit.

Maybe I have.

I don't remember it.

We talked about this on the show.

From the Earth 2.

You took a Polaroid of it.

I never saw this video.

Oh, I do remember this.

This guy fucking trucking through the stands?

Yeah, like he goes through the fence and stuff like that.

No, this is a different one.

He doesn't go through a fence.

Yeah, there's no fence.

He goes through a fence.

There's a blue fence.

There's a blue fence.

We've talked about this.

No, we haven't.

Sure, we have.

Maybe not on Tale of Steve Dave.

Yeah.

In real life, we talked about it.

I do.

Well, explain it then.

I remember this video.

I don't remember Deck Trump.

He goes right through that fence.

Although it looks like the fence bends down a little bit.

It's crazy.

That's a person.

Well, why is that time travel, the Buzzworth Ghost?

Because they theorize that's how time travel, like whatever belt you're wearing, if you've got your time travel belt on,

for time to not affect you, you're moving at such a quick pace

that

to everybody else, you look like you're moving super like super fast.

I'm fairly certain we've talked about this before.

I don't remember ever talking about this

years ago.

I think we had this years ago.

Well, maybe this is that fucking thing that Giddam was talking about.

The Mandela effect.

Maybe it's the Mandela effect.

That's a creepy video.

I'll grant you that for sure.

So on Fox Sports, I don't know who is playing,

but a lot of people have speculated that this is fake, and even if it was real, people have stated that this would not constitute as traveling through time.

However, the person running is seemingly running through actual people.

And certain believers of time travel have stated that this is actually what would happen if someone were to travel through time.

Isn't it just a shadow?

No, it's not a shadow.

It's time travel.

Well, it's unexplained.

Okay.

I don't know, man.

I feel we've had this conversation before.

Maybe in the future we had it.

Maybe past.

Well,

It is a creepy, hard-to-explain video unless you just think it's a shadow, and then it pretty much makes sense.

But you look at it, you could tell it's not a shadow.

How?

Because you can see a face.

Come over here.

Look at it again.

I'll show you.

A lot of people have speculated that.

You can see his face.

What do you think, Brian?

I mean, I think some guy just said it.

I mean, it's impossible to tell what it is.

And

it just looks like he's running along like where people are sitting, right?

What's the name of the video you looked up to find it?

Let's see.

It's called

Soccer

Time Travel,

the Football Stadium Incident,

Live Footage-Youtube.

That's a fucking pretty long name.

Check it out.

Well, if you just type

soccer game time travel, it comes right up.

Yeah.

Hmm.

Uh

but you notice something like that too.

I mean, he looks like he's running, but not particularly quickly.

It also looks like he's running along empty bleachers.

Well, he does go through that fence.

Yeah, but what if it's one of those like, you know, like those orange like safety fences?

It's not like really a fence.

It's more like a like a plastic.

I'm not sure.

I'm not sure what you can't explain how he's going through things, though.

What's he going through?

He's going through people.

It doesn't look like he's going through people.

It looks like he's going in front of people.

No way.

To me, yeah, it looks like he's going in front of people.

He goes through a blue fence.

Right, but how do you know there isn't a break in the blue fence right there?

It doesn't look like it.

There's not a chance that anybody could run that fast, though.

Hmm.

I'm trying to find.

That's inhuman, the way that person moves at live speed.

I mean, i'll agree like i think people could run that fast no way running that

running that fast through through bleachers would be a fucking trick

moving but going but they look like they're on wheels though

they're not they're not running because a run has a certain like movement to it there's no movement that that would be um that would say that person i disagree they do slow motion you can see his legs moving Right, but it's still moving at a rate, though, that's not when you do slow motion, but he's still not moving properly properly for a run.

His head remains at the same exact height.

I believe, though, he's running in front of the.

The first time I heard it, it was a ghost.

A ghost?

It's a time traveler.

All right, hold on.

Definitively.

And that's where a lot of time travelers would go, though, to sporting events.

All right, hold on one second.

Why is that?

It's debunked.

It's already been debunked.

Already.

What that video conveniently does, here's the full video: is cut out the guy coming down the steps.

And they said the fact that he's running through a fence is just a trick of the light because you see people sitting on the fence because it's

so he runs down the

steps and then hooks up.

That's not the same thing.

Let me see that doctored video.

Yeah, but you know, but you notice they stop, though.

Because it leads into the video that then you watch.

That's the guy that you watch running across, coming down the steps, and hooking a right.

And then the video

that says he's a ghost starts there.

Hold on.

Hold on.

I can debunk it immediately.

You're going to debunk the debunked video?

Because there's not.

I want to see.

How do you stop this shit?

Look.

Yeah.

Scrub.

With your finger.

Oh, no.

All right.

Get them to scrub that shit.

See,

that's still not picked up

at the right time, though.

I want to just be able to get.

That's your guy.

That video is showing you exactly what he did.

He's a fucking homeboy running.

And that thing that looks like you run through a wall is just a trick of the light.

These people edited the video to make it look like that.

But the people people in the stands don't match the stands.

That guy's right there, and that guy's right there.

Absolutely, they do.

Those are the people that, when the video picks up, right here.

Those are the people.

Where?

Right there.

That one and those two.

So you're saying that's him and that's him and him?

That's the running guy there.

They're not spaced apart properly.

They don't match.

The videos don't match.

And see that blue right there?

That's the wall.

Those seats are the wall.

That looks like a wall, but it's not.

It's a seat.

So a rational explanation is dismissed.

Yeah.

So here's video

shooting down that theory, but Walt's.

No.

Walt doesn't want to believe that.

You can explain anyway the guide to soccer game.

Fine.

Do it.

You could punch holes in it.

But I still got that Polaroid.

and I still got

God

Zoom.

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