#302: evaD evetS me' lleT

Following the 2014 release of Tusk, Kevin Smith brings Harley Quinn Smith and Lily Rose Depp back to the big screen to reprise their roles in Smith's new feature, Yoga Hosers.

Fifteen-year-olds Colleen Collette and Colleen McKenzie are on their smartphones constantly, sing in a small band, and take yoga classes.

The girls will do just about anything to receive an invitation to a senior party, but when they discover the leader of a Nazi splinter group has been raising an army of monsters beneath the store where they work, the teens team up with a legendary manhunter, Johnny Depp, to stop the world-threatening uprising.

Join the Colleen Coalition and get your tickets today for Kevin Smith's Yoga Hosers in select theaters now.

Lady Godiva was a freak.

Edo

Ytick.

Edoo Y Tick

Tell them Steve Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

Man, we got a lot of stuff to get through today.

We got stories, we got news articles, we have games with an S.

All kinds of shit, man.

The introduction of two new games, Q.

Two games on one episode.

We're not even spacing them out.

We're just going to hit them with two games.

Two games because that's what the listener base deserves.

Okay.

Okay.

That's what they demand.

I believe one of the games could rival 123 in terms of like we could do this new game, we could do a tournament, like you know how we did the 123 championship.

I believe this one game could be turned into something like special and unique.

So much so that I have a television producer waiting to hear the clip of when we play the game.

He wants to hear how it's played and he is excited.

The guy from Compookman, his name is Duncan.

Oh, yeah, I know, Duncan.

Yeah, yeah, he wants to hear it.

He told me that

he can get me in a room.

Okay.

I didn't say what room.

But you need some star power to it.

You need some star power to it.

Well,

of course, the clip is not the big star attached to it.

They got BQ attached to it.

I'm the big star.

If you ask you to go into a room, will you go?

Yeah, I'll go into a room.

I don't think it's going to help.

I mean, I'm not a big guy.

But it lends credibility, you know, that we have

somebody who's on the side of a building.

It will lend some credibility, but

that's not going to push people to buy it or not.

No, well, I know, but at least, but it'll get you into rooms, right?

It'll probably get us in, it can get us into rooms, sure.

That's what he's banking on.

But then, what's then, what do we need Duncan for?

What is he bringing to the table?

What does he bring it to the table?

I'm not even going to send him a clip now.

He's like, shit.

Let's wait till we hear it first.

Okay.

Because me and Giddam came up with this game.

This is our brainchild.

This is our spawn.

This is our

spawn.

Okay.

That's if you guys.

Weird fucks.

No, no.

And the bird.

And the embryo was

a game

that has now grown up.

Right.

So this team requires

a high IQ.

Okay.

And the ability to think unilaterally.

Outside the box.

And then back in.

So the work environment around here has improved in the past weeks.

Yeah, it's on the upswing.

Wow.

I mean, I wouldn't say so.

Judging by the last last 20 minutes the stash was open,

where Walt's plotting against Giddam.

No, don't tell him that.

I'm actually, you know, I think it's on the upswing.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm in a much better mood with Giddam than I was last week.

Okay.

But like I said,

we worked at the kinks of this game over the course of a couple hours via texting and in the store.

And so now we're in a good place right now.

Now, if you get him in the room and the game fucking tanks, it's back to.

Get him!

Got the fucked up with the posters, man.

So

thanks to a.

I mean, I was going to go anyway, but thanks to a mystery benefactor, I went to Hurricane Harbor at Great Adventure.

Oh.

Yesterday.

Well, at least two.

Benefactor after the mystery.

He doesn't have to be.

It was Quinn.

He had two tickets at Great Adventure, so he gave them to me.

Did they expire yesterday?

No.

They're good to the end of the season close.

And I bought a third ticket.

It was $40, okay?

So it would have cost, what's that,

$120 to get in?

Yeah.

So it only costs $40 to get in.

Nice.

Free parking?

No, not free parking.

$25.

To park.

There's nowhere else to park.

It's not like Sesame Place where you can park in the mall and walk over.

You have to pay $25 to go in.

Yeah, I mean,

that's one of those built-in extra costs.

Disney charges $10.

No, I think it's more than $10.

No, isn't it $10?

Yeah.

Even if it was $20.

I think the mouse is only charging $10 the park.

When you know they got you by the mouse has got you by the short hairs.

Yeah, the mouse is always good to me.

A lot of people commute in.

A lot of people take buses and stuff in.

But a lot of the hotels, a lot of people also drive in.

That's shortcuts too.

So we're talking about those people.

I think that's a built-in cost you should have anticipated.

Were you shocked at that?

I was surprised at $25.

I wasn't surprised that you had to pay, but 25, I was like, wow, that's a lot.

But you got two free tickets.

I mean, it's kind of.

I'm not saying I pulled a U-turn.

I was like, sorry, Sage.

So we go in, and

it's the locker's 15 bucks.

Oh, my God.

This is another 20.

And like before you're even on one ride, you're in for $100.

And that's even with the two free tickets.

Wow.

And I never, I mean, I'm not a big water park guy.

The only, like, the last one I went to was in Disney, and then the one before that, I couldn't even tell you.

But my God, they're a fucking disgusting place.

Actually, it would have been Sesame Place, which is also disgusting.

I can't believe that you wouldn't assume that before you even went.

It's basically a public pool.

I just didn't give it that much thought.

And you're right.

Like, I was telling Walt there's like the little kids section where, you know,

there's like little slides and stuff.

And there are people, like, there's a big bucket up top.

And it fills up.

It like fills up over the course of like a half hour.

and then somehow the kids know when it's about to tip.

And adults,

and adults, they're not missing out.

They run over too.

Oh, yeah.

They're like, some wait.

Some people are waiting.

That's what they were like every way.

Every 10 minutes.

Yeah.

And they're laughing and they're smiling and they're getting all this fucking water in their mouths.

In their mouths?

Oh, God.

Yeah.

And I said to Walter, I was like, you know,

in this world, like, if you were to bathe in the piss of one child, you're a freak, you're a sex offender, you're whacked out.

If you're to bathe in the piss of, say, 200 children, you're at a water park.

And nobody looks at you sideways.

So gross.

You know?

I won't even go into, I haven't been in a pool in fucking years.

I just won't do it.

The smell

is overpowering.

Chlorine, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Chlorine, feet,

piss.

Sweat.

And some sort of, yeah, like B.O., like bad B-O from everybody.

Not everyone, but.

And

I don't want to sound insensitive, but doesn't it weird you out?

Almost surely something insensitive will come up.

I don't want to get anybody upset, but it does, does it weird any of you guys out?

I'm not saying it weirds me out,

but

does it weird any of you guys?

I guess you haven't been in water parks lately, Q, but I don't think I've ever been to a water park.

There's people who will go in the water dressed from head to toe in their clothing.

Some people have to.

I saw three ladies who were

whatever they were wearing.

Like, I'm not sure what religion.

It wasn't like a burke, it wasn't like the thing where you only can see their eyes, but yeah, I mean, it was like from head to toe, they had sandals on, and then they had the scarf, the hijib, or is that like the burkini thing they've been talking about?

No, it wasn't that,

but they were like fully dressed, you know.

And I was just wondering as I'm watching them because it was fucking hot out, too.

You got to take some of the fun out of it, right?

Being fully dressed and jumping around.

And at the end of the day, are you like, God, check it out?

I didn't show my hair,

I didn't wear a fucking tech top.

You're happy, right?

Like, this is what makes you happy.

The car fucking in the sweltering sun.

Like, I just don't get it.

I don't get who wrote that in.

Meanwhile, every fucking guy who I would assume to be that religion is walking around with his fucking gut out and his fucking hairy arms and hairy back and shit, you know.

So, everybody, every guy there, though, I swear to God, I mean, I'm just saying, like, the guys that are with women who have to cover up

are it, it doesn't apply to them.

No,

nothing has

really encouraged me to like

really work out than going to that water park and watching all these slobs walk around.

I had the decency to keep my shirt on, a lot of people don't.

Oh my god, gross.

And if anyone is wondering, like, hmm, like, about the piss, like, just how prevalent it is, I'm here to tell you that with 100% certainty, you are walking in piss.

Why?

Because because you pissed no but sage did like we're in line for like dude i'm not even kidding around because i timed the ride once we were up there we waited 90 minutes for this ride

once we were up there 15 seconds because i timed the people going down now we're like winding around we're in line for like 45 minutes and sage is sitting on this rope Like it's like a, you know, the whatever they're called.

The twilight.

Extensions or whatever.

They're made of rope.

Sitting on the rope.

And I'm like, I know she's not that wet from the last ride.

As piss is like, like this lake was just dribbling like all over the ground.

And I said to her, I'm like, Sage, what are you doing?

And she just couldn't hold it.

But I guess she didn't want to get out of line to go to the bathroom.

So now there's a puddle of piss there that no one has seen her create.

We go around the stanchions.

I'm now watching people walk in bare feet through that piss.

So no doubt.

No doubt, if you go to a water park, you are walking in piss at some point people with eczema and like yellow toenails and like the oh my god i'm looking at did you spend any time frolic in the water or were you just no staring at everybody else

the whole time i was like i can't i was like never again because the lines took so long we went on two rides that's it two rides and then then sage is like i want to go home it's it's too hot she's not a theme park kid she doesn't like the heat well to be it was a sunday right it was a sunday Yeah, that's kind of the expected.

Yeah, you got to go during the week.

I mean, I used to take my kids almost weekly to Sesame Place.

And

while it was, like you said, it smells and it smells of chlorine, overpowering chlorine, and feet.

I look back, I mean, they had a good time there.

So, I mean, I wouldn't be so, I wouldn't be as harsh as you are.

I mean, well.

I mean, you were really harsh.

We're not going to get any water park spots to push on.

on this park.

Probably.

The six-fag bus is not pulling up out front.

That I would doubt.

It's very great.

I used to I live 60 minutes away, so me and the ex used to get a season pass and go there like, you know, just Wednesday or Thursday, and it was just a nicer experience, I thought.

Fucking exactly what I'm talking about.

You see, fucking get them there with no shirt on.

And you're like, I paid money for this?

Wait a minute, so you went there without children?

Yeah, we go.

Not to the water park.

The children brought themselves.

Not to the water park, but to like Great Adventure Park for like the roller coasters and stuff like that,'cause the lines are a lot smaller.

And you like wild rides?

No, I really don't like roller coasters, but she did.

You like wild rides?

So you would go just because she did.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That was sweet.

That was sweet.

Yeah, it really worked out for you.

Good job.

I've been going a place multiple times.

Not even once, a season pass.

No, wait, we have to do that.

Anything you want, baby.

We're together forever.

She's like, yeah, sure, we are.

Yeah, I can't believe anybody we've never asked this before but get him are you a virgin no

are you don't lie no i'm gonna have proof later on during the game that's yeah yeah how

this is just so you know this is a discussion q and i had the other night

we were barbecuing in my yard and i was like how have we never asked him that before you knew he was in a committed relationship yeah but that doesn't mean the guy's fucking married he hasn't talked to her in three months he lived with her right yeah she yeah she lived for almost three years he was oh you were hitting that shit every night?

That's what I said.

I said he had that girl that knocked his teeth out.

Yeah, but that doesn't mean anything.

I know.

That was just, I mean, it was my best guess.

I was trying to

tell it whatever and get him sticked.

He wasn't even there.

It just never occurred to me to ask until this whole wedding thing came up.

And I was like, if this guy's willing to stay married without even talking to the person, would he stay in a relationship with us?

He's married because of you.

Don't tell him Steve Dave, man.

He doesn't want to run.

It's not benefiting us at all.

I think it would be a pretty shitty

aftertaste in everyone's mouth if it turned out he was not married to that girl.

That's like doing everything.

People would give up all hope in marriage.

We could never hold a big stakes pot ever again, could we?

Sure, we could.

No, we couldn't because no one would ever believe the stakes were true.

The stakes were true.

He did get married.

No one would believe that he was baptized or that he got married.

But if he was divorced already or whatever it is, separate, whatever he called it,

already,

that would leave a real bitter taste in my mouth.

And I think the listeners' mouth, because you were invested into, you had, you were stakes.

So you think the listeners are like, all right, well, maybe he hasn't seen her in three months, but, you know, at least they're married, and I feel like I got

a lot of money.

I believe that all it takes is one of them.

Something's going to happen, and they're going to find each other in a more traditional way.

In criminal court.

Have you considered, like, you know, like girls do it sometimes.

They like, they're like, I'm a virgin again.

They, like, declare themselves a virgin or they re-virginize themselves.

I've heard that.

Like, you know, they wait six months and they're virgins again.

Who's saying this?

Some people go through procedures, I know.

Oof.

Yeah.

Like,

the hymen.

Will you ever get your cherry back?

I guess.

Who would do that?

What lunatic would do that?

People do it.

Let me see.

What doctor is performing that operation?

That seems very like

what's it called?

The hypocritical?

Hippocratic oath, yes.

This is it, revirginized from urban dictionary.

When someone's not had sex for three years or more, also if they've had surgery for a tighter fit.

So three years it will grow back?

Or I guess you just get real.

It's considered.

I think also it's like a,

you you know what, a

religious thing.

Like, you know, they, like a woman or a guy may have a religious awakening and dedicate themselves back to God and be like, yeah, I'm a virgin again.

Which doesn't fucking make it so.

Oh, but in their mind, I guess.

We live in a world, dude, where people just say things and they're magically true.

And they're true.

And if you argue with that, then you're the problem.

If you're not with it, you're shaming them.

And you're something.

Yeah, that's what you're doing right now to get them.

No.

Not marriage shaming him and that it's not.

Not marriage shaming him?

That you're not happy with

the state of his life.

With his lifestyle.

With my choice.

No, each of them could do whatever he wants.

It's fine with me.

I don't give a fuck.

Let's just move on.

Yeah, so anyway, that was the water park.

And all she wanted to do is leave and go back to the pool, like at the place.

What place?

Oh,

where you live?

Yeah.

So I was like, I would have rather just stayed there the whole time.

But she wanted to go.

Never get.

Oh, disgusting.

And I'm just like, it's just gross.

And everything is so like wildly overpriced, like food.

Like, I see why people go out and, you know, they bring coolers and shit.

Well, they're allowed to bring coolers in.

Well, you can't bring them in.

You can bring them to the parking lot, and then you leave and you get your hand stamped, and then people eat lunch.

Because if you have like five or six people with you, you know, like mom and dad and some kids, like that's a fucking expensive proposition.

But then I was thinking 40 bucks versus like, I think Disney's like 100 a day, So it definitely is economical.

And it looks it too.

Like that place looks fucking gross.

Yeah, you can't compare what Disney offers.

Not even close.

Not even close.

They were supposed to put up solar panels above the parking lots.

And I theorize that they didn't do that because it just bakes your cars out there.

And people who kept coolers out, it would like to discourage them from doing that.

Whoa, like they were, they were going to put solar panels.

They're going to put solar panels up.

What is the intended use for them?

Jay Sarge, put the overkill music in

To earn six flags money when it's off-season, but to also help power the park.

But they were going to cut down a big section of woods, and everyone was like, no, no, don't do that.

Put them over the parking lots.

They put them up on stands, and Great Adventure fought against it vehemently.

Or vehemently.

And my theory was that it was to keep people from keeping food in their cars and stuff because it would just, you know, your cars are sitting out in this hot sun.

But what would the what would why would it be any hotter?

Because the solar panels are the solar panels would cover the spots.

So you'd be effectively in shade.

You got a picture like a covered parking garage.

But they're not covered now.

No,

then Great Adventure was pushing to keep them not covered.

To keep them uncovered.

Not worthy of an overkill.

Yeah, I'm still not sure.

Like, I sort of lost it halfway through reading this next article about Q.

You got a couple kids.

Okay.

Right.

Well, I'm sure you do.

I'm sure you do, yeah.

Waiting for that call.

You're living in an apartment complex, and you get a letter that says

there have been several conversations.

There has been several conversations.

I mean, you have to understand this is from the South.

There has been several conversation and a lot of complaints to the office regarding a clown or a person dressed in clown clothing, taking children, or trying to lure children in the woods.

First and foremost, at Blank Manor Apartments, children's safety is a top priority.

At no time should a child be alone at night or walking in the roads or wooded areas at night.

Also, if a person or persons are seen, you are to immediately call the police.

They don't even say a person dressed as a clown.

Greenville Police Department is aware of the situation.

I have been riding the property daily.

Remember, there's a 10 p.m.

curfew, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Okay, so I guess there's a clown, or someone dressed as a clown, hanging out behind basketball courts trying to lure kids into the woods.

All right.

Is that illegal?

I found out the hard way that yes, it is.

I mean, we ought to, that's the world we live in, though.

I mean, we have to live, but we have to be suspicious of a clown.

Right.

Well,

I mean, yeah, luring children into the woods.

Yeah, it's a sad state.

I'd say any person trying to lure children into the woods, dressed like a clown or not.

Come here.

Yeah.

Reeks of.

Oh, there was that documentary about it.

It was called It.

About clown luring people into the woods, children into the woods.

It was called It?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Is this a joke?

I don't know if you're in the mood for get them this week, buddy.

I could tell you.

Yeah.

Walt's getting mad at you.

You should be quiet.

But

we were talking, like, what, like, a clown is just, like, what kid is, like, oh, a clown.

I'll go over there.

Most, it seems most kids are sort of freaked out by clowns.

So what's the perfect lure if you're trying to get kids to come over?

I said,

You find out what like a rare Pokemon is and you pretend you're playing that game over by the edge of the woods.

You're like, oh my God, there's a

whatever over here.

Sure.

And then they come running over, and you're like, hello.

Right?

Yeah, I've never put thought into luring children into the woods, but I mean, I could see the concept of that.

But if you were going to.

If I was going to, yeah, like a trail of candy to the woods won't do it.

Trail of candy, that might work with a little kid.

Well, how little are you trying to lure into the woods here?

I don't know.

I mean, there doesn't seem to be.

He doesn't seem to be discriminating.

Do you believe it's even true?

That's my theory.

I don't believe it's true.

At someone just said it.

Either that or it's just some kids fucking around.

Wasn't there an evil clown running around Staten Island a couple of years back?

And then people eventually started approaching him and saying.

Well, he just started appearing.

At first, he did it right.

He was appearing

in the woods on dead end streets.

And then as his popularity grew, I guess he wanted the fame.

So he just started appearing in the Staten Island Mall and walking around.

How dangerous was it for him

early on?

Like if he just appeared at 2 a.m.

Yeah, that's what he originally did.

In the forest, walking around, he walked up on

some 18-year-olds having a Kegger.

Yeah.

How dangerous is it for him if he's trying to become the cult clown of Staten Island?

Pretty fucking dangerous.

Isn't it dangerous?

Yeah.

Like he could take his life into his own hands because people will be like, get him.

I'm going to beat the shit out of him.

Or they might be like, oh, shit, it's the clown.

Party with us.

Right.

Well, that's when he's got some, so when he's got some.

That's after he's been accepted at the Staten Island Mall.

Yeah, before that, it's like, oh, shit, it's that motherfucking clown.

Oh, what part of Staten Island is this?

Wasn't there somebody in, I think it was England, you could pay him to stalk people dressed as a clown?

Oh, I think I remember that.

Yeah.

Like, you'd pay him like $100, and he would, if you follow whoever you told him to follow, like, cold him balloons and such.

Like, if that was available in America, would you have done that to your ex?

No.

No?

No.

Well, actually,

he was going to spend more money on her.

He stalks her and then eventually he's like, Giddam doesn't like theme parks.

Here's the season passes.

I could do that stalking myself.

Not to waste that money.

A lot cheaper in gas.

Tolls.

Were you dressed as a clown when you used to hide in bushes and take pictures of girls?

No.

Usually in pajama pants.

No doubt.

All right.

So, okay, so we got to get some contestants for this game, right?

Well,

yeah, we need three.

All right, so the first three.

Are they dialing in or?

No, we're just going to do it on Twitter.

I figured it's too much of a hassle to have people call in.

Which game you want to play first, Bill, while Brian's securing three players?

What are my options?

Well, I'll give you the title.

I mean, well, I'll give you one of the synopsis of the game.

One game is

I got Sunday Jeff

to do audible clips

of

one is a real verse from a song, the other is a fake verse that Sunday Jeff wrote.

It's brilliant.

And then I have another game that the other game is the one me and Giddam came up.

Which one are you more hopped up to play?

Well, I mean, I'm always hopped up, and I feel so the audience is for Sunday Jeff.

You know?

Okay.

But Giddam, when you hear the whole episode, you got your fucking dinner date.

All right.

So he could wait a little bit.

Well, I figure he could play if he's going to get three.

He'll play he could play to Sunday.

He'll represent a listener.

All right, yeah, let's do the Sunday.

Because we're going to give away something very cool.

We're going to give it away last week before

we decided not to give it away during the change.

We're going to change

the ending

statement.

But

we scrapped that, and now we're going to give away a Zoom H4N Pro

handy recorder.

That's pretty good, man.

This thing is nice.

It's got to be worth...

a couple hundred right sure easily yeah

that thing's probably like 400 bucks somewhere in there and i also have here um

a four color Demon Zippo cue.

Nice.

Never been used, right out of the box.

I love that.

I use mine almost daily.

And

for the third-place contestant, we'll give them the new

door is locked and I am clocked out.

Whoa.

I don't know which one's more valuable, Q.

You got to fuck, man.

The patch is hard to get out of here.

It's just rarer than the handy Zoom review.

Yeah, you could buy either one of these things.

You can't buy that patch.

But we'll leave it up to the winner to decide which prize he wants.

Okay,

so I'm saying first three to tweet back are contestants in a mystery game.

We're playing right now.

Okay.

All right.

Okay, so now

I will

sit here and watch Twitter.

Okay, Jake Goldberg.

All right, let me write this down.

And he's at Jake Gold10.

Nice.

Okay, Jake.

All right, who else?

At Grimes619.

Do we have a name?

It just says Grimes D.

Okay, we'll call him Grimes.

Yep.

And then

Ghost Pussy Cuddle Bear.

Who is

the four-color

four, Walt?

All right, well, I'm not going to write that.

I'll just write four color nugget ant.

Okay, I got Jake, I got Grimes, and I got the four-color nugget ant.

Yep.

Nice.

Ghost pussy cuddlebear.

Okay, so who are you going to assign to each one?

I'll let you pick your contestant, Brian.

Who you want to rep?

Okay,

I like that ghost pussy cuddle bear is wearing a four-colored demon shirt in her

and her, what is it, avatar, whatever, that little picture.

So I'm going to go with her.

Okay.

So you guys have the choice of either Grimes D.

Let me see.

Can I see these people?

That's Grimes D.

Okay.

I made my choice.

And then.

All right, Kenneth, who do you want?

I want Jake Goldberg.

You want Jake?

He looks like a player.

But he's

in an NJ Transit train, so I know his brain.

He's important, like he's maybe a banker.

All All right, so I'll take Grimesy.

Okay.

Sweet.

All right, Q.

All right.

All right, so we are all set.

We all know who we're repping.

Yes, yes.

Who you got, Giddam?

Yes.

Who you got?

Jake Goldberg.

And Q?

Grimes.

Grimes, and you got four-color nuggets.

Four-color nugget.

All right, okay.

So the name of the game is called

Is It Two Live Crew or One Middle Age Jew?

The premise is I give you two titles to two rap.

Now, just for people who don't know, Two Live Crew, Q,

you're the rap expert here at at the table.

Are they the most explicit rap group in the history of music?

They're not the most explicit, but they're up there.

As far as mainstream goes, yeah, they're pretty up there.

These guys would be considered mainstream?

Sure, if everybody's

Two Life Crews.

Oh, fuck, yeah.

Well, how could they ever get radio play?

Well, you know,

they bleeped, they toned, and they sold a lot of albums because everybody wanted to hear the real deal.

Okay, so there's somebody more explicit than these guys.

They were helped along by

Tipper Gore.

Because I thought this was a one-time game.

Oh, no.

Yeah, I figured there's nobody else that we could sample.

Not that we're going to sample these guys when I get to you, but I didn't think there was any rap act or group that was as because I looked at some of these lyrics.

Yeah, they're out there, man.

Well, isn't this?

This is one of Tipper Gore's favorite, the PMRC.

This is one of their favorite.

Well, I mean, these guys, I mean, they were worried about metal music.

Oh, this is crazy.

Right.

And these are also guys that were like, like, dry humping girls on stage, getting blowjobs on stage.

They got arrested for that didn't they oh yeah crazy shit like

okay well i picked the right i picked the right group then yeah oh definitely they're known for they're known for being the most explicit the most like

down and dirty as nasty as they want to be right they're like they're they're like me so horny me me so horny well i and now you're not are you a big fan q no i was never too deep into two live crew because i don't that would be an unfair advantage for you i'm glad that you're not that versed in i could I'll tell you what, I could honestly tell you that I don't think that I have an unfair advantage, but if I do, I will mention that.

Okay.

If this is what we're saying, I'd have to totally recuse myself.

All right.

So the premise is:

I give you two titles to two rap songs.

One is Two Life Crew.

It's a legitimate song, The Under.

The other is a Sunday Jeff made-up song title.

So Sunday Jeff's, this is the first thing he's written since The Cabin.

Remember Dollar Shave?

Yeah.

Who doesn't?

Remember his story?

You know, it was the mesmerized.

So this is the first time he's picked up a pen since the cabin.

So this is special.

One middle-aged Jew.

And

so you have to pick.

I'll give you two song titles.

One is Two Life Crew.

One is One Middle-aged Jew.

You guys pick.

And you're stuck to that until then I'm going to play you an audio clip.

Two audio clips.

And then based off those two audio clips, you could stick with your original answer or you could change it based on the audio clip.

But if you stick with your answer and it's correct, it's worth two points.

If you switch after hearing the audio clip, because you're like, you know what, I don't think that original answer was correct, I got to go with this other answer.

If you're correct in that one, it's worth one point.

You got to keep score for me again?

Sure.

All right.

So, round one, guys.

There you go.

All right, thank you.

Are you ready again?

Yep.

All right.

Round one:

the two song titles are Some Hot Head

or

Song Title II, Infection Connection.

Wow.

So we're supposed to guess which song title is.

Which one's Two Life Crew?

Which one's the one middle-aged Jew based off that?

What was the first one again?

First one is Some Hot Head.

I hope that's the one Son of Jeff made up.

And Infection Connection.

Infection Connection.

Well, how do we score this now?

Because there's two.

Well, I want to get him to write down what you guys picked.

Okay.

Round one.

Brian.

Oh, wait, get him.

You're not a part of this?

Yeah, he's playing.

Oh, okay.

I was going to say.

I'm going to say that.

Some hothead.

Is that Sunday Jeff or is that two-life crew?

I'm going to say that Sunday Jeff.

Is

some hothead.

Okay, put that down.

That is now set in stone.

Hothead.

And so obviously then he's picking Infection Connection as the Two Life Crew.

Okay.

All right.

Q?

I'm going to go the opposite.

I'm going to say infection connection is

Sunday Jeff.

Okay.

Because I actually think that Too Hot Head, Too Hot Head,

is...

No, it's...

What is it?

Some hot head.

Some hot.

I think that that's not imaginative enough for Sunday Jeff, but just imaginative enough for Two Life Crew.

It's got a system.

Yeah.

I'm at an unfair advantage.

All right, get him.

What are you picking?

Well, Two Life Crew was active in the 90s, and that's when the big

push against for AIDS.

So I'm thinking they might have made a song about the infection connection to try to promote safe sex.

I could say so.

Were they worried about it?

Did they have a social contact?

They were the standard bearers of safe sex.

Yeah.

They're getting blowjobs on stage.

But they were safe about it.

I mean, you can say what you want.

It's a stone.

I'm going to say Two Live Crew is Infection Connection.

Okay.

And Son of Jeff is some hom head.

And not to mention rappers historically

their work contains homophobic lyrics.

They're constantly calling people faggots and shit like that.

To this day, they still do.

Okay.

So back then, like, AIDS was widely considered to be like a gay person's disease.

I don't think they're promoting safe sex.

In the 90s, yeah, we were in the middle of the day.

I'm telling you, 80s into the 90s, man.

Early 90s.

Shut the fuck up.

Don't sit there and ask me.

That's when I was going to school.

I remember.

They might have been trying to get some, garner

some points, though, after being, you know, almost taken down by Tipper.

They might have tried tried to

garner

some goodwill by being

spreading safe sex as a theme in some of the songs.

He's entitled to his choices.

I think that promoting safe sex was the least of their concerns.

All right, you guys.

So, here is the first clip for Sunday.

I hope it's loud enough, though.

All right, you ready?

Verse taken from the song, Some Hothead.

I like getting ahead because it's so convenient.

You can do it anytime.

You don't have to beat it.

You can get it in the car or even in the park.

But most headhunters go out after dark.

There's nothing like a pretty hoe on her knees, sucking my D and licking my B's.

We don't have to take our clothes off to bust a nut.

When I pull out my dick, bitch, puck her up and give me some.

Okay.

Wow.

Now, wait a second.

So that was him reading Two Live Crew, or that's his own.

Or that's his own.

his own fake.

We still don't know.

We still don't know.

Okay, all right.

So now you got to listen to

Infection Connection now.

It sounded almost too good to be

like way too good to be Sunday Jack.

Ready?

Here is

Infection Connection.

Verse taken from the song Infection Connection.

Keeping you a dark secret because I can't be seen with you.

My cover's blown because you make my dick smell like diarrhea.

Okay.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Let me get some of that stinky clam.

Make like sus and eat it like green eggs and ham.

When I'm slurping and burping on that clit, I'm praying to the Lord above I don't vomit.

So gross and affected when you spread.

Gotta make sure I put on a rubber made out of lead.

Okay.

Now, is he reading this at the Deaf Poetry Gym?

Wow.

So he wrote one of those.

He wrote one of those.

So that girl, that wonderful girl who did the get him rap, has to take his song as a sample.

It has to rap, right?

She has to.

What's her name again?

The duet?

Oh.

Oh, man.

Yeah, we follow her on Twitter.

Her name is.

Vicki Pezza?

Yeah, Vicky Pezza.

All right.

Let me get some of that stinky claim.

Make black sushi and eat it like green eggs in ham.

When I'm slurping and burping on that clit, I'm praying to the Lord above I don't vomit.

So gross and infected when you spread.

Gotta make sure I put on a rubber made out of lead.

All right, guys.

I mean, now if I were to.

It's so much like when he reads it and you actually hear the lyrics, you're like, all right, well,

I assume that I'm wrong.

Okay, now you originally went with Brian is originally originally.

Some hothead is Sunday, Jeff, and Infection Connection is two live.

Right.

So you're wrong now.

You're saying that you thought your initial answers are wrong.

You'd like to switch your answers.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, I'm allowed to.

Yeah, because you lose one less point.

You just got it with something concrete.

If you get it right, you lose.

You only get one point.

Whereas if me and get him stick within get it right, we get two.

Oh, gotcha.

Okay.

You're cashing in a point to switch your answer.

So you both picked the same one.

No, I'm with you.

I picked you.

Thanks, same as you, yeah.

It's so, yeah, I mean, I think I'm going to switch over to Q's camp.

I think I'm going to switch you.

So Infection Connection Sunday, Jeff, and Some Hot Head is Too Life Crow.

Yeah.

Q, you sticking with your answer?

Sticking with you.

Although he did read Some Hot Head

so smoothly.

He did.

And the second one

he did not.

Right.

But he could be doing that to throw you.

Yeah.

It's a trick.

I'm sticking with my original answer.

Oh, you want your original?

Yeah, I'm just going to stick with my original.

Infection connection, two life crew, some hot head, Jeff.

You're sticking with your original answer?

Well,

what do I have, Giddam?

You have Jeff did infection connection, and Tulad did some hot head.

Yes, I'm sticking with that.

You're sticking with that.

Giddam, are you going to switch?

I'm sticking.

So you're on board.

I believe that Tulive Crew is infection connection and Jeff is some hothead.

Okay, the correct answer is

some hothead.

It's two live crew.

So I get two points.

You You get two points, Q, and these guys got zero.

Zero.

God damn it.

I should have switched.

I would have at least got one point.

Right.

So Sue Live Crew wrote the song

Some Hot Head.

Yes.

Incredible.

And Sunday Jeff wrote Infection Connection.

Well, at least that verse.

Like you said, Vicki Pezza can now take that.

You only have three rounds in this.

She could take any of these samples.

And she can, I mean.

We need to find out more about her.

Where does she live?

What's the deal?

Because she's great.

All right.

Wait a second.

So Sunday Jeff wrote Infection Connection.

Yeah.

Two Life Crew with Some Hot Head.

Yeah.

I thought that's what I said originally.

Isn't that what I said?

No.

You said Jeff wrote Son Hot Head and Two Life Crew wrote Infection Connection.

Yeah.

Yeah, you did.

He just, yeah,

I should have went.

I should have

reversed my answers because he did.

He did himself.

Yeah, and he did, because he just read the first one so smoothly.

Like he heard it.

Like he had heard it before.

Yeah.

Round two.

On his way to work every day.

Round two, the songs are

dirty nursery rhymes

or

snow white slash pink pussy.

She's in Cal, she's in California,

right?

Who is

okay?

Um,

wow, okay, so what so

dirty nursery rhymes, I'm going to say is Too Live Crew.

Okay.

The fuck?

All I got to do is write it down.

Jesus, dude.

Is Two Live Crew is Dirty Nursery?

Yes.

And I'm going to say Sunday Jeff is

pink pussy.

Slash pink pussy.

Yeah.

Because, again, I can't give Too Live Crew too much credit for originality.

I just can't.

I cannot do it.

I can't do it.

All right.

They had their thing.

They did it well, but, you know, Snow White Pink Pussy is just, I think, too clever for Two Live Crew.

Really?

Brian, what do you think?

Dirty nursery rhymes or Snow White slash pink pussy?

I'm going to agree with Q.

I think dirty nursery rhymes is easy and something that Two Live Crew would think was funny.

And the fact that Snow White is in the second one, and I know

he and his wife dig on Disney, I'm going to say that I think Sunday Jeff, you know, not that it was like necessarily written about her, but

his wife.

I just know that they like Disney shit.

All right.

Well, since Two Live Crew was from Florida, I think they would know Snow White.

So

I love Giddam's way.

He overanalyzes it sometimes.

Yeah, to the point where he's wrong, just like me.

But he has at least some sort of structure to base it on.

Although you did too, that you thought that the...

Where does it matter if we're both wrong?

He could sit there and fucking pontificate all day.

He's still fucking wrong.

All right, you guys, right?

So I'm going to go with Two Life Crew is Snow White, Pink Pussy, and Jeff is with the dirty nursery rhymes.

Okay.

All right, round two.

It's

verse taken from the song, Snow White, Pink Pussy.

You say you want a knight in shining armor to ride in on his horse, but we know you need a bad boy skilled in the art of intercourse.

Need your Prince Charming so you can play Snow White, but who's kidding who?

We both know you'd let those ugly-ass dwarves pull a train on you.

Seven teeny tiny dicks is how you rule.

Now them midgets got Snow White on the stroll.

Trying to fit your fat-ass foot in Cinderella's slipper, you're unable.

So your sick-ass drops a deuce in that glass shoe like it was a glass table.

Oh my god!

Wow.

What is going on?

He was like, he was born to be a two-life crew, wasn't he?

Yeah.

A glass table.

He would not, like, ironically, he would not look out of place, you know,

back in the 90s.

He just references girls taking shits on glass tables.

What the fuck's up, Digfo?

If that's him.

It's him.

You don't even know.

But I mean, wait, we haven't even heard this.

You haven't heard your face before.

That's him.

Why makes you say that, Kim?

Because that fucking Two-Life Crew is not rapping about chicks taking shits on glass tables.

They just weren't.

You said yourself you weren't well versed in the crew.

Yeah, but I mean what kind of chipper goal were going to hold a Sunday check back in the day?

What street credit are they getting from fucking watching girls shit on tables?

He also has it like he likes talking about dwarves and shit, too.

Oh my gosh.

Let's hear dirty nursery rhymes.

Let's see if anybody needs to to change their answer.

Verse taken from the song, Dirty Nursery Rhymes.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.

Jack got mad, kicked Jill in the ass, because she couldn't make him come.

Mama Bear and Papa Bear went out for a walk through the forest.

Mama Bear asked Papa Bear, could he eat her porridge?

There's more.

Papa Bear said, Shit, bitch, you must think I'm sick.

Just get down here on your knees and suck this bare ass dick.

Okay, that was it.

Wow.

I mean,

they're both so horrible.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's really hard to make the distinction.

You're like, you're like, I guess Sunday Jeff could have written raps for

a doubt.

Brian, you want to switch your answer?

What do you have in right now?

I have

Two Live as Dirty Nursery Rhymes.

Yeah, Two Live as Dirty Nursery Rhymes.

Sunday Jeff, a snow white pink pussy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I feel like Dirty Nursery Rhymes is the worst of the two, but like in terms of just like structurally, it sounds bad.

But

I think I'm just going to stick with it.

Otherwise, I'll fuck it up.

If I'm going to be wrong, I'm going to be wrong from.

All right, Q.

I'm going to stick with my answer.

Now I still feel that Sunday Jeff wrote the shit on the glass table.

He would probably not even know that, though.

I don't know, dude.

Are you hoping he wouldn't know all this?

I think he's passing Sunday Jeff

at this point.

I mean, do you really think that he's ever come across that

kind of urban myth?

I don't know if it is an urban myth or that.

I wouldn't be shocked if he actively sought it out, let alone come across

Sunday Jeff we're talking about.

In the interest of research.

I'm sticking.

Sticking with Sunday Jeff wrote Snow White Pink Pussy.

So, it's universe.

Everybody thinks

everybody's on board saying that, right?

No.

No,

they both think that Two Live did dirty nursery roms.

I'm thinking

Two Live did Snow White Pink Pussy.

Okay, you think.

Okay, so you think.

So you think Sunday Jeff wrote Dirty Nursery Roms.

Okay.

The author

of Snow White, Pink Pussy

is Sunday Jeff.

Yes.

What up?

Oh, man.

That is fucking crazy.

It's literally better than the 2i3 one.

It is.

All right.

Last, last,

last middle-aged Jew.

So get him, you can't possibly win at this point.

I'm sorry.

We're in the last round.

Let's just do the last round.

I'm sorry, Jake.

And the most you could do is tie with me.

Yeah, and then we'd have to go into sudden death.

Sudden death.

Sudden death, dirty lyrics.

Well, let's see what we're doing.

Dirty lyrics.

Q, you might run the table on this.

Alright.

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No.

I've never even heard of that, though.

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I haven't heard any of these.

You've never heard of The Flash?

No.

Iron Man.

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I loved it.

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You're not putting that in there.

You know, people are going to get mad at you.

Why?

Because that's not what people said.

What did they say?

They said it was like really bad.

Yeah, but you know what?

They were just angry little trolls.

You ever hear of a troll?

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Are you sorry for this?

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That's being a troll right there.

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Well, for a little while, banished.

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Alright, let's pick up the action from where we left off.

Round three is is Freaky Behavior

or Monster Dick.

Huh.

He does like monsters.

He does also like freaks.

Shit.

This is the first tough one I've seen so far.

Monster Dick.

And what was the other one?

Freaky Behavior.

Freaky Behavior.

Or the song Monster Dick.

Fuck.

I'm going to.

All right.

Whose turn is it to go first?

I went first, last one.

Get him.

I'm going to go with Two Live is Monster Dick.

And Jeff is Freaky Behavior.

All right.

Pencil it in.

Yep.

It is now set in stone.

All right.

I'm going to go the opposite.

Okay.

Which is freaky behavior is.

Freaky Behavior is

Two Live Crew and Monster Dick is Sunday Jeff.

Thank you.

I'm going to go for that as well, and let me explain myself.

I would love to hear it.

I mean, you really are a rap aficionado.

Well, I get the rhythms of it.

Like, I know what they're going for, and I also know how unimaginative Two Live Crew is.

And that carried me in the first round.

You're really fucking besmirching.

The reputation.

These guys are legends.

I'm not saying, listen, that doesn't mean anything.

They're fine.

I'm not saying they're bad.

I'm just saying, like, they did what they did, which was just,

let me just put these lyrics out of like, there was no, you know.

All right, so why?

Why?

What is your thinking though?

Because the word freaky was used to describe chicks of a certain type back in the 90s.

Okay.

Like that, that was like the slang for him.

She's freaky.

She's freaky.

But Monster Dick.

Yeah.

But Monster Dicks.

That sounds like something Jeff could write.

Was freaky

out some verses, some things you never would have thought at a Sunday Jeff.

I agree.

Talking about shitting in glass slippers and on tables.

I agree, but putting Snow White on the stroll.

Like, Jesus.

I just think that if Sunday just trying to write dirty lyrics, he would go with Monster Dick.

You got to give him up so far.

He's unbelievable.

He's better than Tula Crow.

Right.

He is.

He really captured the.

I told him, you got to be filthy.

You can't come on me with anything but the absolute.

Like,

if you were to be caught with these lyrics when he got pulled over, you could be arrested.

Which means somewhere rattling in Sunday Jeff's psych as a chick shitting on a glass table.

It is.

Or else you wouldn't have written.

Honey, what do you think I should write here?

Is it better?

Shitting on glass tables or.

He did not run these by his wife.

All right.

So just because of 90s slang, I'm going to say freaky is too lifelong.

You got that pencil then?

Yes, it is.

Pended.

Set in stone.

Here we go.

First taken from the song Monster Dick.

Got a monster dick called Frankenstein.

Make all the village hoes wait in line.

My dick ain't green, and I ain't got no stitches.

They call it monster because it's over 17 inches.

But I only fuck monsters cause hotties make me snore.

Next on my fuck list, that sexy ass hunchback Igor.

This was a game.

Getting him from behind and staring at that hump, trying so hard not to be a three-punk chump.

All right.

Wow.

I mean, I have to.

I would almost stake my life that Sunday Jeff wrote that one.

Yeah, yeah.

The two live crew is not writing homosexual lyrics.

They're just not doing it.

Yeah, it's like it goes from like having a monster dick to like basically raping another man.

No, that's a a monster.

Igor's still a monster.

I thought Igor was just like a fucked-up assistant.

I didn't even, I didn't think he was a monster.

He was a dude with a bad back.

Yeah, he's like a regular guy.

And suddenly that's trying to split him open with a 17-inch.

Oh, well, what the Dowager's not like, yeah.

Oh, no, that's not true.

I don't know.

Tuluku was not singing gay lyrics, dude.

They just were universal monsters.

I love, but you gotta love whoever wrote that.

You gotta love that they took what you thought about a monster deck and totally made it about fucking monsters.

Yeah, an actual monster deck.

Yeah,

it definitely threw me.

I was expecting one thing, and it was like an M-Night, M-Night Shyamalan movie.

Lyrically.

That Vicky Pez has got to take some of the earth.

Oh, do something with himself.

Oh, God, I pray she does.

Okay, where do we got to go with?

Because she has all rights to whatever Sunday Jeff has come up with.

Like two life crews she doesn't have to worry about.

But his shit.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

She can't.

If you have any advice, don't take the two-life crew stuff, just the Sunday Jeff stuff.

It's better.

All right.

She can sample a game.

Freaky behavior is this one then.

We got to play just to finish out the game, although

all you guys are so cocksure.

Except me.

Oh, well, wait a minute.

You didn't hear.

We still have to get you couldn't switch.

Hold on.

Yeah.

Verse taken from the song Freaky Behavior.

Lady Godiva was a freak.

She rode butt naked to the street.

By doing this a hundred years ago, it's all right for girls to be hoes.

Romeo, where's Julia?

She's out getting her pussy wet.

My man Samson and that bitch Delilah?

She got mad cause Samson tried her.

All the ass was for a little head, but she played it off like she was scared.

Knowing all the time she was a freak, and couldn't wait to get in the sheets.

There's a freak in every demon.

They even had sex in the Garden of Eden.

It's the devil's work.

The Lord can't save you.

We got it bad.

That freaky behavior.

I've never been so sure of something in my life.

Can we just hear Monster one more time?

Yeah, just to be sure.

Yeah, because I'm definitely going to switch my answers.

Can we have another listen to Monster 10?

I just want to play it on loop at my funeral.

This is your eulogy.

Yeah, in lieu of words.

Monster Dick.

Okay, here we go.

Maybe Jeff will do a dramatic reading of Monster Dick.

Let's just

appreciate what was going on in here.

He went, well, hold on.

I said I'm a switch.

I'm going to switch.

All right, so Monster Dick was obviously Sunday Jeff.

Can we just have bought the man

the phrase Monster Dick and made it about a guy who likes to want a fucking personal monster?

Like, not in a million years.

Like, as you said the title, not in a million years did it occur to me that he would take it in such a

direction that I couldn't even conceive of.

That's the mark of a genius.

Could any rapper out there do a universal monster sex

rape rap?

Yeah.

Like, Jay-Z's like, I'm dropping my new fucking jam song.

It's called Monster Dick.

It's about something that happened 85 years ago.

Monster Dick.

Hold on.

I ain't Wolfman out.

Let's just rebel in this.

Rebel.

First taken from the song Monster Dick.

Got a monster dick called Frankenstein.

Make all the village hoes wait in line.

My dick ain't green, and I ain't got no stitches.

They call it monster cause it's over 17 inches.

Smile on his face you can picture.

But eyes only fuck monsters cause hotties make me snore.

Did you hear that?

Cause hotties make me snore.

He's fucked so many hotties that he's like,

I need some strange, and

the only way I can get it is to literally rape another monster.

That's Fucking genius.

I can't believe it.

Hold on, here we go.

Here's the end.

Next on my list, that sexy ass hunchback Igor.

Doing him from behind and staring at that hump, trying so hard not to be a three-punk chunk.

Which is the implications of that last line.

Yeah.

Is that

he's fucking Igor and wants to make it last.

So excited.

So excited, he's afraid of coming to you.

Like, he wants to savor the experience of fucking Igor in his ass, who likely is not down with this program.

You guys assumed

from the get-go that this was some sort of physical attack on Igor.

I mean, who's to say Igor wouldn't be up for it?

Because, I mean, he's fucking Igor.

How much ass is he getting?

How much tail is he getting?

Well, I mean, even if, like, I wasn't getting any pussy, I wouldn't be like, well, I guess I'll just get fucked in the ass by a 17-inch monster, dick.

It's not like

it's the next best thing.

I thought that was bravado on Sunchie Jeff's part.

I believe 17 inches was just something.

His shirt's big, but I don't think it's.

I think that was just something that rappers do to pop themselves up.

Right.

Everybody's John Holmes.

All right.

Well, that was.

with six points.

Q's winner, Grimes SD, who gets the Zoom.

Coming in second place is Bryce

Nugant, who gets the Zippo.

And I come in last with Jake, who gets the patch.

Wow.

So those three winners,

email me at KMUs2 at gmail, and I'll get those prizes out to you.

Nice.

All right.

Wow.

Wow.

See, I'm not always a fucking, if you get me, sometimes I'll throw away all your points and

put you in the hole, but sometimes I'll win, you never know,

come through, yeah.

Wow, that was amazing.

That was fucking great.

All I want, I wish you had 10 more.

Yeah, I could do it for the next hour, but like you said, well, you tell me who the who's the nastiest, nastiest of the nasty rappers out there that have lyrics on the two-life crew

like category, right?

And we could play this again one time, and we'll have Sunday Jeff come back.

There's a girl, um, well, I could, I could do, I could run the game and do Wu-Tang

with Sunday Jeff.

Are they nasty?

They're more like violent, so it'd be a different thing.

I thought that the reason I even came up with it is

I thought the dynamic worked because

is there anybody on the face of the planet who shouldn't be reading sexually explicit rap lyrics and stuff like that?

Yeah, Sunday Jeff, right?

But this gets really violent, though.

Picture Sunday Jeff doing the same thing, just for ultra violence and fucking anger.

There's also also a female rapper named Peaches

who raps about, I mean, she is filthy, probably filthier than that.

Okay, yeah, so maybe we could do the Peaches version of

the Peaches Edition.

Yeah, that's next time.

Whenever we play the games again, I gotta see what's going on.

Next time on, well, it would have to be a new name.

Yeah,

two live crew, or is it one middle-aged Jew?

Why change your name?

Because it's a totally different group.

Well, we could still call a middle-aged Jew.

Peaches and Lamer Peaches and Herb.

Is there some way we could play off peaches and herb?

Peaches and

peaches are perv.

There you go.

All right, so I thought that maybe that was a one-time game, but Q, you're correct,

I think that there are multiple avenues.

I'm just hearing it in some way, a one-time game.

Well, we have to wait to see what the reaction is.

Maybe people don't like to hear Sunday Joe.

I don't know.

Yeah.

We have an image of them.

That image may be shattered now.

With a glass table.

Wow.

that's amazing.

I just can't wait to see some people come in here on actual Sundays and see him behind the counter with the glass.

He's like quietly rapping to himself:

seven tiny dicks.

Someway on the stroll.

They walk in, hey, Frankenstein.

You also have to give him up for what he said, seven teeny, tiny dicks.

Yeah.

Because he could have just stayed with tiny, it would have been enough.

Or he could have just said teeny.

He went for it, though.

Like any true visionary.

He's a genius of some sort.

I feel he is.

We got to take a quick break from the game, but we'll be right back after these messages.

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And now, back to the game.

You want to play the other one or you got other other stuff you want to talk about before we play another game?

No, I'm ready to go, man.

Going.

Okay.

Now, this next, two games in a row.

When's the last time we played two new games?

Introduced two new segments.

It might be never.

Yeah.

This might be a first.

This is a special episode.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, this game, I mean, if.

And this we're just playing for ourselves.

We're not.

There's no.

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, we could play for more contestants, but I don't have anything to give away.

I have another Zippo we could give away, a Zippo.

Yeah, because you won't be able to play.

We could get two more players, yeah.

Okay, so I'll get two more players.

Nice, and the Zippos are now available at Merch TableQ?

Yeah, they're fucking great.

They are in stock now.

Go order one if you're into Tell them, Steve Dave.

If you don't win one today,

I mean, they're beautiful, they're works of art, man.

And they're Zippo, they're the best lighter in the business.

Yeah, lifetime guarantee?

But they're fully stocked.

We got enough in there, hopefully, to last us through the Christmas rush.

Nice.

Oh, man, Christmas is not too far away.

Fast approaching.

What are we going to do do this year?

I

based off the reaction to last year,

Christmas is returning in a big, bad way.

Okay.

I'm going to call it Tell Em Steve Dave 2016

Return of Christmas.

Nice.

Because we heard the complaints.

I saw the anger.

The vitriol.

I read the emails of disgust

that they got tricked into buying a Christmas episode that didn't contain Christmas.

I saw the band cap numbers.

So this year we got a lot.

But what I'm asking is, what do you guys think of pushing the release date?

Instead of having it on Black Friday,

we got to push it back to Christmas Eve just to ensure,

just to ensure more Christmas content.

I think that's what hurts us.

And some of the segments I've got planned, we need to do them in the middle of the Christmas season.

Because usually you record at the end of October, and some of the segments wouldn't work if we're not in the middle of the Christmas rush, though.

Well, I think that tradition is only good if it serves us.

And if we fail, we let everybody down last year, then fuck tradition.

We got to do it.

We got to trust it.

I love tradition, though.

I mean, tradition is everything to me.

That's why I struggle with this, pushing it.

But they're really pushing it back one month, but to ensure more Christmas content.

Well, it definitely means you could go out, like we could go out and interview people because people are shopping and that kind of shit.

There's more of like an atmosphere if we go a little bit later.

You've got to think about it.

Give me what you think.

Give it a week to think about it.

I'll percolate.

Okay, so this is the second mystery game.

Well, so it's only two contestants this time, right?

We only need two contestants.

Okay, so a second mystery game, two people this time.

Go.

All right.

Now we are going to look

at our notifications.

Who will it be?

It'll be Corey Frost.

Okay.

At Corey Jay Frost.

Okay.

And

here's a name

at Jay Zizzle Fizzle.

She's been around for a while.

Okay.

Jizzle Fizzle.

All right, Bri, you will represent it.

13%er.

You will represent Jay Fizzle Sizzle?

Okay, sure.

I mean, not that I know she wants me to.

It's not

her avatar.

Let me represent her.

You You want to represent her?

She's done me favors,

not of that nature, but she's done me like some solids.

Oh, you know this person then.

I don't know her personally, but

he's acting like I'm guaranteed to lose.

So it's like

I'm on a winning streak, man.

Hey, I represent that.

One in a row.

You got to respect that.

Yeah.

You got to respect

her fate in my hands.

I actually do have to respect it because I lose every time at these fucking things.

Well, this one is going to test you.

This one,

who's got the higher IQ?

Okay.

Well,

what are they winning?

A Zippo, four-color demons lighter.

The loser will get a

door is locked and I am clocked out.

Okay.

Which, if nobody understands what that means, you got to go buy.

Oh, no, wait a minute.

No one knows what that means because we never released it.

It was from the live show.

Yeah, no, but that was the

Brooklyn show, wasn't it?

No, it was the one that

was was where we were.

Was it the Grammar Seat?

Really?

For people, shall we?

I guess give them.

I mean, that's.

I think I have a couple of the other patches left

if you need one.

One of the whoa, whoa, whoa, what's the one?

Yeah, that's the very rare one.

Oh, is it?

Yeah, Losie can't get that.

Don't worry, they'll get it.

They're here eventually when the door is clocked.

And they'll be happy to have that patch then.

Yeah, that's true.

Well, yeah, the door is locked and I am clocked out.

It has a very

specific meaning, and uh it was revealed on the live show so only a handful of the listeners know what it means but incidentally I've never heard them say it once since I've been here.

Well are you here when

we actually lock the door, walk out the back for the night?

I believe I have been a few times, but you know what?

Maybe not.

I'm going to take your word for it.

Let's say I am out of the store.

I had to leave early.

What do you do then?

I text you.

I text you the numbers for the night.

Right.

How much we did, what we're over, and that the door is locked and I am clocked and then what and this is what I type back

oh god

it says out like but written vertically in I change it out from time to time yeah so I keep it fresh always

always keep it light-hearted and try to at least with Giddam all right you guys ready I'm ready I'm ready I've alerted the

so the origins of the game I think are important to explain to everybody so we we know that this just where this came from because I think it's important.

A lot of nights me and Geddam will be texting back and forth about various things about

strange overkill-ish types of events and stuff.

And we got on one night talking about backwards masking.

Okay.

And how it's still being used in pop music today and how we were trying to come up with a theme for it overkill.

We did it on the first vital cast, this backward masking right but it's you know but it's still i mean it's still being used today by today's even more by pop stars are still doing it and not many people know about it but like kesha

kesha yeah because she's very heavy into illuminati signs in her videos okay and that what that really doesn't have anything to do with this game so much is that it could put us on the road where we me and ginum were like you know what we should do so we can communicate in front of the crew and in front of customers so they don't know so they don't know what we're talking about we are going to come up with our own little secret secret language.

Didn't you suggest this a few months ago so you could say racist shit and no one would know?

Is that what's going on?

That's not what we planned.

That's not what we planned it for.

It was like for communicating how much we wanted to charge a customer for something and that kind of stuff.

And plus, you know,

if I want to have a conversation in front of the crew that's here filming Comic Man or customers, I don't want them to know exactly what I'm always talking about.

So we bandied about the idea we should come up with a secret language or whatever, but that shit's hard.

Yeah, it was not easy.

We tried, and it just kind of looked harder.

I was like, Mailo, Ta,

Clacco, 9.

Yeah.

Well, you know, and it was.

And people would just look at you like, what the fuck?

Like, why are these guys doing this?

It garnered more attention than we thought it should have.

Over something that's so meaningless to most people.

Like, the only person that would really care is the person that you were charging.

No, no.

But like, your everyday stuff?

Like, what do you have to do other things?

Like, what's an example of something you might say to get them that you're like, oh my god, imagine if they heard this?

Well, that's what I just took, what I just said right there.

That was Lame O at 9 o'clock because it was some customer who was fucking annoying me.

Oh, okay.

I thought you meant the crew.

All right.

No, no, no.

The crew were like, well, I said.

That's something you have to say out loud.

You're like, because that too.

I cut them off and direct them.

And

get them away from me.

I take the brunt of the Lame-O force.

But that was like Malo,

Ta, that was at.

But that became worse

very difficult.

So you just reversed the letters.

They just basically said them backwards.

Yeah, but if you're not expecting it and no one would listen for it, it's tougher.

No one would know.

That sounds like a foreign language.

It's like wind talking.

Especially when I say when we're doing it, we were doing it on a regular basis, we were trying, it was more fluent than that.

It was like, I could say it better, and I just said it right now.

But when did you give up?

Because it just was so difficult to do.

He's very good at it.

And he was me saying things, and I would be like, I would get frustrated.

I'd be like, fuck it.

Just tell me what you're talking about.

I can't do it no more.

Because you're having a customer at the counter, just watching

fucking going back and forth, looking at you the whole time, be like, Milo Top.

And then Walt goes, Fuck it, just tell me what you're trying to say.

And he's like, this guy's annoying.

This place is like the Twilight Zone.

It's Area 51, dude.

It's comic shop.

But that put us on the road to creating a game about this, though.

And I think this is going.

I think, Q, I'm not kidding around.

I think this has got legs and that we could do this.

This is big.

This could be like, this would cross over into mainstream and become a real-life game that you see on like Toys R Us standards.

This is what Duncan's on.

Yeah.

This would be like the news.

No, this is what he's off now.

Forget who wants to be a billionaire.

This would be the new primetime game show.

Well, I don't know.

You know what?

I don't know.

I don't want you to get too

worked up about it.

There's a lot of steps still.

I know you're counting on this, but

the working title.

TP numerad over here.

The working title, and I don't know if this would fly because in this culture we have today, but.

Too live crew crew or two live juke

no because I don't know we're living I don't know lady in the 90s you could run with this but I don't want to offend anybody and nobody this is just a working title but I would call it dyslexia with a with an exclamation point right

the the fun game of speaking and thinking backwards all right I can already tell you that

an OCD sweater at Target fucking raised such an uproar

so I think if you flat out call a game show dyslexia, but an exclamation point.

Oh, okay.

So it's a dyslexia, exclamation point.

It has to be.

But do dyslexic see the exclamation point first, and they're like, what is this?

But you know, and it's written in that kind of font that's fun.

Right.

Oh,

exactly.

Like, I'm not, I know people who suffer with it.

I'm not making light of it, but I, but this would be a game that they could maybe

sell it for once.

Sell it.

Yeah.

Like, get them.

The game about a serious disease with a fun twist.

It's a word of it.

Exclamation points, guys.

I like it.

If you don't like it, make a change again.

All right, no, all right.

I want to see you walk into the room before you walk into the room and pick it.

I want to see Quinn go into the room and be like, all right, picture this.

I think Duncan can handle this with bright lights.

Dyslexia.

Wait for it.

Exclamation point.

But you're going to have to say the fun game of speaking and thinking backwards.

Backwards.

I think they're looking for names like Price is Right, Family Feud, Jeopardy, like shit that gets to the point, not like title, subtitle.

Well, you don't think that

could we just change the name to gobbledygook right off the bat?

Is that our game already?

No.

Gobbledygook.

Exclamation point.

Done.

Done.

Right away.

Gobbledyok.

More gobbledygook.

Gobbledygook.

The fun game of speaking and thinking backwards.

Excellent.

Look at that.

Because I call anytime I hear somebody speaking a foreign language, I'm like, what's this gobbledygook?

And people don't like it.

People think it's insensitive.

They think it's insensitive.

They don't like me distilling other people's languages to gobbled.

It's just like it just means like

a stew of words that you can't understand.

Yeah, gobbledygook.

Yeah, you're not saying it's a lesser language.

No, it's just to me, it's just all gobbledygook, man.

It's kind of like when people say it when you speak English.

Exactly.

Well, again, these are working titles.

Just for the sake of the game,

we're more worried about playing a great clip.

A sizzle tape.

Yeah.

Gobbledygook.

So, I mean,

I believe that this has one, true, three type of potential.

But here's the rules then.

Round one.

Giddam is the automatic quarterback.

You never hear that phrase?

You know, like he plays quarterback for both sides.

Okay.

He plays for both teams.

He is the designated

speaker of the

because Giddam will pronounce a two-word phrase phonetically backwards to to

each of you.

Okay.

Two different two-word phrases.

Got it.

He is amazing at speaking backwards.

Okay.

And he attributes this to reciting the alphabet backwards while doing oral sex.

Oh, wow.

I would think like after he got stopped for drunk driving.

I mean, I think he dressed it up for you.

Have you ever heard of people say they do it frontwards?

Yeah, Sam Kinnison, that was his name.

But right away, this is the second right flag

to bring up in a pitch meeting.

Oral section.

Oh, no, no, no.

They would have to know that.

Oh, right.

But this is like, you know, we won't have.

When people play the game on TV,

they'll be paired up with two-player teams.

Right, okay.

But for now, for this, because I can't expect you guys to come in cold and speak backwards.

Right.

So that's why, for the sake of this...

of this sizzle tape yeah we got to have somebody if okay fluent in speaking backwards yeah i mean i don't think you go into a pitch meeting you point a get them you're like see back in the day when this guy ate you UC pussy, like he would think of the alphabet backwards, and this is how he got so good at it.

Where are you going?

I'm sorry.

Is this meeting over?

Since I got a pitch of female execs.

I can't imagine the look of horror

on Quinn's face as his career ends.

Well, I just told you that just for your

edification.

That's not part of the pitch.

The pitch will be refined.

So that's round one.

It's always a two-word phrase, Q.

Okay.

That's the part about speaking backwards.

If you guess what the two-word phrase is based off his

phonetically speaking it, you get two points.

If you can't guess it, he will then tell you

a two-word

opposite of the clue.

For example,

if the two-word phrase that he's trying, that you're trying to guess is white castle,

Giddam might say

shack black.

Okay.

I think of a basketball player meaning that.

No, no, no.

You've heard it backwards first.

So it's supposed to help you click it into your brain.

Now, do you get why he said shack black?

Sure.

Because it's a castle.

The opposite of that is a shack, and the opposite of black is white.

Okay, and he will always, remember, he's saying everything backwards.

Right.

Don't burn through those IQ points too fast, Q.

I mean, that was a rough one.

Get him, Scotch on the rope.

Did you understand why we shacked?

Absolutely.

All right.

What's up?

It's going to get harder.

Oh, I would think so, yeah.

That was a gimme, I would feel that.

All right, so let's say I were to say this to you:

woman pedestrian.

What's the word I'm trying to get you to guess?

Woman pedestrian?

I would think male driver.

That's the first thing that I would think.

What would you say, Kim?

Well,

the second word's got to be male, and the first word's got to have something to do with pedestrian.

Remember, you've got to think unilaterally.

You got to think backwards.

You got to think the opposite.

Right.

So male and female are opposite.

Yeah,

but pedestrian has to be the first word.

So male driver wouldn't be correct.

Or you would reverse the sale.

He's got it.

He's got it.

You're on it.

Okay.

Yeah, that part I didn't get.

Do you want to know what it was?

What was it?

Do you want to guess?

Well, it's male something.

What is it?

Male?

It's.

Wait a minute.

Did I say it's woman pedestrian?

Yeah.

Super man.

Oh, now pedestrian is in walking.

Man, man, you've got to be able to think all over, man.

This is making your brain work.

Rewire it.

This is like jeopardy.

This is like jeopardy for super smart dyslexic people.

So, what the fuck are we playing it for?

I mean, check Blackweed.

We were okay with that.

It's definitely an undeserved market, that's for sure.

Finally, something for us.

All right, so are you guys ready to play?

Ready?

How many rounds?

20.

Oh, my God.

Come on, man.

Wait, if the game doesn't.

It should be very, very quick.

Or is it 10?

Because they each get one?

Each guy gets 10.

So it's not 20 rounds.

So we're not guessing against each other.

No, no, you're getting your own word.

All right.

It should go very quick.

Sure.

And who's playing for who?

Remember to keep score.

Yes,

I got the score already.

All right.

All right.

First word, number one.

To who?

I guess we'll go

since you won, you get to go first.

Okay, thank you.

Okay, get him and speak

speak the word phonetically backwards.

Number one, right?

Number one.

Okay.

Ebuck Ikai.

Say it one more time.

Ebuck Ikai.

You need to answer quick.

Ebuck ehai.

Ekai.

Time's up.

Go to round two.

Give them the exact opposite word phrase.

Oval steam.

What is it?

Oval steam.

Oval steam.

Do you want to just concede we're morons and fucking not play the game?

Come on.

Oval steam.

E-buck ekai.

Don't keep telling him the backwards phrase.

It's an unfair name.

Oval steam.

So, um,

uh, Ice Cube?

Yes!

There we go.

Why?

Nice.

Look at that.

Try and keep up.

Oh, look at the

trash talking on the first round of dyslexia.

Wait a minute.

Gobbledy Goose.

Gobbledy Goose.

I love it.

Yeah.

That was good, man.

Hey, man.

Oval Steam.

Number two to Brian Gonzalez.

Ready?

Even though it should be East Side, I would think, right?

I mean,

that was good on you.

It was Oval Steam that got me.

Elt Sack

DNA.

Elt Sack DNA.

Okay, give him the two-word.

I'll never get it.

I'm just going to keep on thinking about it.

Can I steal?

No, no, steal.

Oh, you know it?

You already know it?

I know one of the words, yeah.

Shaq water.

Shack water.

The opposite now you're thinking.

And it's backwards.

Okay, so I'm thinking water shack.

Don't.

No.

Don't think that.

I can't even remember the first two words now.

Oh, I know it.

Oh, come on.

Look, you could tell us that you could tell us, but you're not going to get any points for it.

Just bragging rights?

Yeah.

I wish I could remember the first two words now.

And then what was was it?

Shack water.

Shack water.

So

land.

I don't know.

I don't know.

What is it?

Sandcastle.

Yes.

Sandcastle.

Your brain is one that moves unilaterally.

I'm actually starting to get worried.

Do you think this brain?

Wait a second.

So the opposite of water is sand?

Yeah, at the beach.

Oh, my God.

Q,

you are the smartest person in this room because not in a fucking million years would I be like, the opposite of water is sand at the beach.

There's no caveat.

Well, in the example they gave us before, White Castle was Shaq.

So I knew already that Shaq was castle.

Yeah, but I mean, if you're going to think when

you've just got to think.

Are you thinking maybe

your brain has been in the

illness you battled a couple of years?

Maybe you think the encephalitis is giving me superpowers.

It's an unfair advantage.

But like when you say D-NAS, I don't think...

The advantage I have is making you speak kiddom.

N-A-S.

I was thinking like D-E-E and then N-A-S.

Yeah, right.

That's why I couldn't get it.

Okay, go to three.

Hurry.

Okay.

Ready?

Ready, Q?

Yes.

Hold on.

Wait, wait.

He's cheating.

Yeah, go ahead.

All right, guys.

Don't take, don't pull up an app that makes me.

No, no, I'm not.

He's creating one right now.

I don't need it.

I'm two for two.

All right.

Lab TM.

He's good at speaking backwards, ain't he?

Lab TM.

Lab TM.

So mount

two-word phrase?

Okay.

Bat vegetable.

Bat

vegetable.

I like the games that don't make us feel dumb.

And what are the words again?

Bat vegetable.

No, but the backward words.

You can't go back to that.

Lab TM.

Well, I need an answer.

Nah, I can't get this one.

Tell him, get him.

Meat, ball.

And what were the two words?

Bat and ball.

So bat is not the opposite of ball.

Yes, it is.

This game needs some serious fucking adjustments.

What do you mean it's not?

How is it not?

The opposite of a ball?

Saying meet backwards is team.

No, it's not.

It's T-A-E-M.

Okay.

Tie M.

But when he said, you didn't say Tyam, you said TM.

You said team.

You didn't say team?

You said TM.

Yeah, you definitely said team which sounded like like mt

come on all right don't you come on you're two out of three and you're still moaning

quickly

go to number

this is hard go to number uh go to number six number six lion

regniff

regniff regniff

okay give him the phrase hammer toe

come on.

Come on.

Wait a second.

Because I'm trying to think of the, like, what was the...

But you don't tell me the two words again.

Move on from that.

Now just focus on hammer toe.

On hammer toe?

Yeah, what's the opposite of hammer toe?

Okay, so it would be

fingernail.

It would be fingernail.

Fingernail, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because

I'm still trying to...

No, I got it.

I'm just like, he says the two words and you buzz it so fast, and then I feel like it's easier to try to.

because I know what you're doing.

You're trying to reverse letters, which is not really fair in the game.

We're trying to

hear it.

But bat being the opposite of ball, that's fair.

All right.

All right.

Go to number seven.

This one's great.

Clat, yibab.

I love the way he says it.

Look, his face changes when he gives the clue.

I know.

Watch his face when he does it.

Say it again.

Clat, yibab.

Can

Can you film him doing it, Q?

What is it again?

Flat.

Yibab.

His whole body's into it.

Imagine him now, Matt, doing the alphabet backwards down here, Q.

All right.

Give him the two-word phrase.

Mute adult.

Mute adult.

So, I mean,

mute adult.

So loud kid

baby talk.

Baby talk.

Oh, nice.

Surprise, you're on roll.

You're on fire.

You got the hat.

Synapses are going.

Yeah, you got it.

Watch as I get the next one wrong.

All right, go to

eight.

It's not fun to play.

The other one was so much more fun.

This one, you're just like, you get the whole way home.

I'm going to be like, fucking stupid idiot.

How the fuck did you not get that?

Oh my gosh, ready?

Yep.

Hitab

derib.

It's good.

He's very good at speaking British.

Hitab?

Derib.

I know it sounds like gibberish, but it's on the money.

Sounds like gobbly hook.

The name of the game is gobbledybook.

Gook.

Nerab.

Hitab?

Oh, hitab.

Yeah.

Derib.

Go ahead, give him the clue.

Filthy cat.

Filthy cat?

Yes.

Filthy cat.

I was going to say.

No, that's not right, though.

I was going to say.

The opposite of cat is not bird.

I was going to say,

because you got it.

It has to be.

If you're going right to the, if you get the word right, which you just did, then it has to be.

But you're going off.

I'm going off the first part.

You got it right, though, so it has to be correct.

But the opposite of cat is not bird.

It's dog.

If anything, if you you want to go with the animal what's the opposite of a bird then

i mean fuck it i'd go with what is it what is it what's its enemy

what is its enemy i want to see this pitch meeting where you guys are arguing about the rules in front of the person i mean it was going to be wrong anyway because i was going to say dirty bird and that's not the opposite so what do you think it was i thought it was dirty bird but what was it kidding bird bath bird bath that makes sense because

that was starting all when he said when he said filthy i was like i what is i'm just trying to think of it.

But the human dirty is clean.

I know.

But I'm not going to say clean burn.

I'm not going to say clean burn and look like a jerk off.

What's the opposite of bathtub?

Shower.

So like, oh.

It's true.

It's the same thing.

No, it's not.

It's that you're sitting in the same place.

It can't be the opposite.

It's a frustrating game, man.

It is.

Dude, terrible.

Is this like dyslexic, like, this is their world every day?

Yeah, it's a friend.

Oh, my God.

Who's going?

It's my turn.

Here we go.

Let's score real quick.

This is a tightly contested battle here.

The listeners are on the edge of their seats.

Let me get my hand

right there.

We'll get the patch.

Let's pause the game right here for an important message from today's sponsor.

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So like it all kidding aside, though, if you're into football and you're into like you know these fantasy leagues, give it a shot.

What do you got to lose?

Except money.

Yeah, that's like your trademark saying,

Yeah, that's just that's my catchphrase.

Okay, let's get back to the game and find out who won.

All right, let me get my head in the game.

Yeah, go ahead and get him to nag Earp

me

to Nag Earp Me.

I love the way he pops when he does it.

Yeah.

And poor Quinn is getting confused because you did it wrong twice.

Yeah, you're throwing me off.

To nag Earp.

If you could just see him.

Oh, my God.

You can see him giving the clues.

Why aren't we?

Oh, some of us, please.

You should be filming this one.

All right.

Give him the two-word phrase.

That's the opposite.

Sterile, your.

Sterile, your.

Okay, so my,

my, fucking, the opposite of sterile is fucking dirty.

How is that?

Oh, okay.

You weren't thinking.

You weren't thinking outside the box.

You weren't thinking unilaterally.

Tell him what it was.

Get him.

I'm pregnant.

Easy.

Boom.

Easy.

Look at that face.

What a confusion.

When we pitched this, the first person we got it got it right off the bottom.

The two words again?

To nag, ERP.

No.

The two.

sterile, your.

Pregnant.

Yep.

I'm yours.

Sterile.

Try to argue it.

Just try.

We had a practice round.

Yeah.

The person we practiced with got this.

Got that one.

Yeah.

All right.

All right, Brian, give Bri

Give Bry 14.

14.

We worked on these clues for hours, bro.

Yeah.

Na'am Irif.

Na'm Nam Irif.

Nam Irif.

His whole body's into it when he gives the clue.

Fireman.

Oh,

Toyo!

Oh, shit.

Excellent work.

All right.

Give Q15.

I think you could see my fucking pupils start to dilate as I become one with these two.

Pupil's real tight.

The other one's blown wide open.

Tomorrow I'm talking about Lamos backwards in the store.

Ready, Q?

Yeah.

Rack

E.

colop.

Rack?

Rack.

E.

colop.

Eclop.

E.

colop.

I don't know.

Give him the clue.

Horse criminal.

Horse criminal.

I'm not going to get that.

Come on.

This one's easy.

Horse criminal?

What the fuck?

What's the opposite of a horse?

A car.

Oh, my God.

What's the opposite of it?

It's a police car.

Yes, it was a police car.

I knew it was police car from

the words.

Yeah.

But when he said horse criminal, I would have been like, I have no idea.

Like police and criminal, I get.

Car being the opposite of horse.

What's the opposite of a car?

Walking?

Yeah.

I mean, not a horse.

I mean, as much as a bicycle would be, I guess.

Yeah.

You had to go with the, we had to go with a

transportation.

A dog, I guess.

But people get transported by horses.

So that's not the opposite then.

Or a camel.

Well, you would need something with four legs that doesn't transport.

It's more of an analog than a.

He's stolen.

No, you didn't.

What?

You can't take credit for getting that one, right?

I got police?

Yeah, but you didn't get the car.

We told you what it was.

You didn't get that answer, right?

Yeah, but that's not my fault.

He fucking

blurted it out.

Oh, you have more than enough time to answer it.

I saw Alex Trebek do that once on Jeff for me.

He's like, answer a little faster, asshole.

Yes.

Go to 16.

16.

God, that's cute.

Ready, ready, buddy?

Yeah.

Knack

egab rag.

Oh, my God.

Egab rag.

Knack, egab, rag.

Give him the clue.

This is not right.

I feel like we're just getting abused.

It doesn't feel like we're playing a game.

Can't.

Treasure.

Can't.

Can't.

Treasure.

Yes.

Garbage can.

Oh, yes.

Nice.

What was it?

Garbage.

Oh, it was.

But can't?

Can't is the opposite of can.

No, I said knack.

Oh, yeah, can't treasure.

Can't, treasure.

Can't.

Can?

Treasure.

Got it.

The opposite of treasure is garbage.

All right.

Now that one makes sense.

They all make sense.

I don't know if horse is the the opposite of a car.

All right.

You know what?

I'm tired of giving you gimmies.

Go give him a hard one.

Give him 19.

Okay.

Not 19.

It's on a different phone.

It's so

protective.

Neurat raw.

Neurat raw.

Neurat war.

War.

You just gave him the answer.

Narot.

Raw.

Give me the two-word clue.

Whole peace.

Whole peace?

How much war?

Oh, opposite of peace.

I see.

Fuck.

Ground war?

Total war.

War torn.

Torn?

Torn torn.

Is the opposite a whole.

Okay.

No?

I think Duncan's going to handle this one, guys.

What's the score?

Rye has four, Q has one.

But how is a hole the opposite of ground?

No, torn.

No torn.

No, no, I know.

That's what I'm saying.

But like, a hole is where there is no ground.

Where there's a ground, there's no hole.

No hole with a W.

Hole, like.

Hole.

It's hole.

It's just a hole.

It's W-H-O-L-E.

It's hole.

It's not torn.

Oh, I was thinking H-O-L-E.

Wow.

That's why I don't do anything inside the box.

You can't think when you're playing dyslexia or slash gobbledygook, you've got to think of other ways the words can be spelled.

Remember how you thought that life-threatening brain disease was working to your advantage?

Let's go with.

So it's my fault that you guys are picking words that have multiple ways of being of being spelled.

That's what they said.

That's what got me right out of the gate.

That's what got me.

Give them five.

Get him.

Wait, is this for me me, or are you punishing Queen still?

No, no, that's for you.

No, give him, you know what?

Give him 12.

12.

Uh-oh.

B-mill?

Erot.

No way.

That's not how you pronounce that.

What?

How did you say torn backwards?

Neurot.

Hold on one second.

That's what happened before.

That's the trend, right?

Yeah.

Neurot.

Neurot.

Neurot.

All right, but there's no sense.

That round is is over.

I'm just trying to understand the game.

Oh,

45 minutes.

It's a misunderstanding of the game that's caused you to only have one point.

Come on, give them number 12.

Number 12.

And I don't think you're pronouncing that first word right.

What?

Backwards.

We're at a real disadvantage here, Q.

Just want to go home.

You don't think the vanilla is right?

No, I think the B is silent.

Okay.

Oh, good.

So there's a silent letter in it that i can't i can't possibly guess

come on say it

mill

iret

mill irret yes okay just buzz me

okay give him the two-word phrase torso grain

torso grain yes torso green

uh

no give me a second

Come on, we gotta go.

Q's gotta go.

All right.

Smooth head.

I don't know.

Tree limb.

Tree limb.

Okay, torso and limb.

All right.

Not exactly opposites, but.

And then tree, what was the grain?

Grain.

Because grain's a grass.

Tree limb.

Yeah.

Okay, so I had no chance at first of guessing those two.

Because if the bee is silent, it's mill.

Yeah, but

L-I-M is still limb, even though the bee's silent.

Give him 18Q.

You need this one, or you're going to lose.

Yeah, you're right, Kevin.

You need the reality.

You really need to buckle down and try to get this one.

If you don't get this, it's over.

I like it, though.

I mean, it does make you think in different ways.

I mean,

publicly looking like an asshole, but it's still.

I mean, this is our first test.

E do.

Why tick?

E do,

why tick?

E do

why tick?

that's gotta be a clip.

E do

why clip?

Why tick?

Why tick.

Yes.

I don't know.

The clue is narrow forest.

Narrow forest.

Narrow forest.

I mean wide?

Correct.

The opposite of a forest?

Who the fuck knows what?

So fucking easy.

Why?

I don't know.

City?

Citywide.

City wide.

Citywide.

Because it's backwards.

Got to reverse it, too.

You got to think backwards, Kiel.

You're right.

You're right.

Would you like to?

I got to rethink a lot of things.

So you're not on board?

We need to.

We have anything that we may have to do.

I think there's something there.

I do think you're not going to take this the right way.

i do think that you guys need to work on your clue examples because it can't be open to interpretation but think about it this way though you're gonna have a partner it's gonna be like family like you know how you go on family few with your family yeah if you get on the game show you're gonna go in with somebody you know like you and brian could go on you guys think alike and you guys would get you guys would give your guy you don't have to say it it doesn't have to be the exact opposite as long as you give your partner the clues that he's going to figure out what the what it's going to do right but you didn't say that you said it's the exact opposite and then proceeded to tell me that

the torso horse is opposite of a car.

Sure, it is a cat's historically opposite of a dog, it's the opposite of a bird.

Historically, but it could, but what is the opposite of a bird, though?

If you had to do it, what would you say?

The cat doesn't fly.

Yeah, but

what's the bird's natural predatory?

If you guys are complaining together, and let's say I gave you one of these, where I put, don't listen to this.

Yeah, all right.

Cover that up.

So, give him number four.

Okay, give him number four.

He'll just show you.

You don't have to do that.

But these are run by.

Number four.

Okay.

Now try to explain to Brian what that is, the opposite using just words.

Number four.

Well, already you get throwing your hands off.

You've got to think what Brian's going to say.

Ideally, we'd love for you to say it

exact opposite of what that is.

But if you can get him to say it, however, you get him to say the word.

All right, so I've got to get him to say the first word or the second word.

Both words.

Number four.

Wait.

The two words, words, the first two words after number four.

Right.

It's because it's one thing.

That's usually one thing.

Right.

Okay.

Go ahead.

But I don't even understand what you're asking me to do.

Librariatom gave you

both words.

Both words.

Okay.

So the.

I just.

Just like Han Dog.

We're the opposite of cattle.

Okay.

All right.

What would be the opposite of number four?

See, it's not so easy when you're sitting here.

I didn't say it was easy.

I just said you guys aren't doing it right.

Oh, yeah.

We did it right enough for you guys to get all those points.

Right?

Well, if we're not doing it right, then tell us how to do it right.

It's not my idea.

This is how you pitch stuff.

I do like it.

It's like right enough.

But you didn't get points for the right answers that Brian got.

A lot of the things we told you tonight, a lot of the things, the clue words

were spot on.

Spot on.

And some of the words don't have exact opposites.

So you've got to think out the box.

No, that's not it.

If you're going to make a game show that goes by rules, you have to find words that have opposite.

It's on you, not on the body.

Let's go by number nine and see if he can

number nine.

This is me and Kelly.

Go for nine.

Using the exact opposite words, have him come.

The first two words are what you're trying to get him to say.

The second two words.

It's opposite to bread, though.

Right, but you've got to say what word can you say that will make him think bread?

Okay, so I'll give you

two words

that are the opposite.

And he can guess multiple times

for this example, he can guess to the cows on cocktails.

Okay, okay.

So

live

cock.

Live cock.

Dead chicken.

How is a cock the opposite of a chicken?

Because it's male and female.

Okay.

He's still in a chicken family.

Let's go.

Live dick.

Okay, so, well, we got to swap them.

Well, no, we're not doing that right now.

We're just doing dead pussy.

Close.

But the opposite of live is dead.

But

you didn't get the proper word for the first word.

You didn't get the exact opposite of what that word is.

Right.

We got pussy.

You got pussy.

Go with that word that's used there for the first word.

Living?

So

living

dick.

You got.

I'm going to give you one.

I'm going to give you one.

Non-spirit.

But wait, I'm still trying to work this out.

Is that one word?

Non-spirit?

For this game, yes.

Non-spirit dick.

Wow.

I can't get it.

No, it wouldn't be non-spirit.

Sure, it would be.

Oh, because it's the opposite.

You're at, yeah.

Ghost pussy.

Yeah.

I see.

Okay.

See what we're dealing with?

Yeah, I see what you're dealing with.

I agree.

I agree.

You were thinking too out of the box with Kyle.

You fucked up.

But that's what I'm saying.

I should have said that.

Like a federally regulated game show is not going to allow you to have two different interpretations to an answer.

Of course, they're looking at little at a $10,000 pyramid.

No, they will not.

Of course, they do all the time.

How?

Tell me about $10,000 period.

Tell me.

Tell me about it.

Tell me how they give answers that are open to interpretation.

Because that is not how you realize it's an answer.

Every time you get an answer wrong, it's open into interpretation.

It is not.

There's an answer.

There's an answer.

There has to be an answer.

If the thing says things that suck, and you go, vacuum, it could be things you clean the house with, things that are found in space.

No, no, no, no, no.

Things that suck, vacuum is an answer to that.

Yeah, but again, but the person who is giving you the answer says, no, no, no, no, no.

You're wrong.

Things that suck, a vacuum is a definite answer to it.

The opposite of a horse is not the only answer.

It's not the only answer.

But it doesn't have to be the only answer.

But you're saying the opposite of a horse is a car.

There is no way to quantify that in a fucking billion years.

You cannot say that.

The government that runs.

Now the government is involved with game shows?

Have you ever pitched a game show?

Because I fucking have.

And I can tell you right now that the government takes these things fucking seriously.

They have a whole commission to make sure that there's no fraud going on.

But if we show someone.

You cannot tell someone that a horse is a fucking opposite of a car.

There's this.

But it doesn't matter.

It does matter.

That's the whole point of the game.

So you're saying that the horse and buggy was not the complete opposite of a car.

That is what I'm saying.

Yes.

That's exactly what I'm saying.

Yeah, but you don't understand.

We will give the audience at home the

password, right?

The word that you're trying to get your partner to say.

Right.

And if you can't, just like Thousand Dollar Pyramid, if you say things that they fucking can't answer, it's on you and your partner.

Got it.

You have to admire their solidarity, if nothing else.

No, it's not going to stamp.

But

that's different, though.

There won't be a designated quarterback like Giddam there.

The only reason he's in the chair tonight is because he could say the alphabet backwards.

Well,

what you're saying is...

He's not camera ready.

Not ready for fun.

I got it.

Okay.

This is clarifying.

This is clarifying.

Okay, so now the answer is the answer.

It's locked in.

And it's up to the fucking wife or the husband to get the husband or wife to do it.

Yes.

Pain-free I.

Got it.

What is it?

Pain-free I.

Go.

Pain-free I.

You hurt.

Earache.

Earache, brother.

Well,

the difference of I is you.

But I.

And pain-free.

The opposite of I is here.

But it's not.

It's the opposite.

It's not the opposite.

It is.

The opposite.

It is.

I get the game's genius.

For this show, it's perfect.

You can.

Can we do a world championship of this on Telmesh Dave with the whole Telemachine Dave universe?

Wouldn't it be awesome?

It would be amazing.

I'll definitely give you that.

The only thing is, you can't change any of the rules.

We have to play

by these rules.

Right.

All right.

What about this one?

Okay.

Single week.

Single week.

I'm guessing every day.

No.

You've just put, you know what?

I just proved his point.

Remember, that's a great guess, but it wasn't what I was looking for.

Very good, though.

I think different words are said the same but spelled differently.

Look at him.

Look at him charging.

I want to knock him right off the goddamn chair.

I really do.

As if he's like talking to a three-year-old.

So weak as in weak and strong.

So strong.

Single weak.

So strong something.

It's tough.

I understand.

It's easier when you're on this.

But what's the opposite of single?

Multi.

A fucking horse.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Tough crowd.

Tough crowd.

Get it?

Weak.

Single.

Yeah, tough crowd.

Okay.

But then why did you fucking freak out and point at me when I said strong?

Yeah, because you were getting close.

You're close.

You were getting close.

With the week we were going for.

Or the week that the game was going for.

All right, last one.

We're just to see if you guys are getting it.

Because I don't think...

I think you're excited.

Before you storm out.

I think you're saying you get it just because you want to be dumb, but I just want to see if you really got it.

Okay.

Customer genius.

All right.

Well, the opposite of genius is someone stupid.

And the opposite of a customer is a seller.

Stupid seller?

Hold on.

Give him a better one, maybe.

I'm going to.

I guess you can read the words.

Server genius.

Yeah, you know what?

That's a better one.

No, no, it's not.

There's not opposite.

Wait, dumbwaiter?

Yeah, some waiter.

Okay.

But a server is not the opposite.

Yeah.

So you would have got disqualified for that, Google.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

Because you gave him exactly what it was.

The government would have brought the hammer down

on you.

Just me, though.

All right.

Well, what do you think, though?

And you're on it.

I mean, does it have potential?

Can we refine it some way?

I think it does have potential.

Yeah.

I think you really got to get.

Well, first you got to change the title.

Yeah, Golly Cook.

I think that you really got to nail the examples because right now.

Well, here's how I envision it.

Like if we play a world championship of it, let's say in October or November,

we put all the players

in a bingo cage

and we pick who gets teamed up.

That's good.

And then I'll come up with the two-word phrases.

But I thought the oh, that we have to give that the people have to give, and we'll have something, and we'll have, have, we'll have, again, we'll have a team, so we'll put in $100 a man.

Oh, God.

And we'll have this big, big pot at the end, and we'll have the world championships of gobbledygook or dyslexia or whatever.

That I think's great.

Okay.

I mean, can you imagine everyone's going to be vying to be on Giddam's team?

No, they're not going to be.

Because the guy thinks the opposite of a horse is a car.

Right, but he also reads the shit backwards.

Like, that's a forte.

You can't understand it, though.

I will tell you.

I agree with you.

The person we tried this game out with got him a hundred years ago.

Okay, we can reveal a really good person.

I'll tell you right now, Mike is going to beat your asses up and down.

Really?

He doesn't need the second word.

He gets it when he says it phonetically backwards.

You know what?

We're going to team up Mike with Rob Bruce then.

That's the team I want to see.

That's his handicap.

Well, you know what?

I'm saying that we should have this.

Well, I want to see what the reaction is, though.

If people don't like the game, though, we shouldn't force a fucking whole.

Why?

Well, what they like, it's what we like.

Yeah, it's been that way for six years.

All right, so we'll get a set a date in the fall to play.

All right, all right.

So, just so we have it, uh, Corey Frost won the Zippo because he was with Team Bride,

and Zizzle Frizzle is getting a patch.

I think she's going to appreciate the patch anyway, and I'll buy it.

Write that down, and who's getting what?

So, when they email me, write that down who's getting what, though.

I did.

Oh, okay, good.

Yeah, all right.

He wrote it backwards.

If you feel it all burns on the other side as well by your rare patch, I'll ball you the line.

I got screen caps in this.

You got screen caps in these.

Very good.

She's a good egg.

She's our anti-like.

So which game has more

playability?

Well, the Sunday Jeff to me is enjoyable.

Tolerable.

Yeah.

Come on.

We're talking network TV?

For what?

A gobbledygook?

Well, for either one, you're saying what you're talking about.

Well, you can't bring the Sunday Jeff one to a T V.

That's a television vehicle.

Or you could do it on

like a pay channel.

You could do it like HBO or Netflix or something.

Well, then you got to get clearances of the rappers and everything.

I think there's way too many hurdles on.

There's probably something to gobbling shortly after Q dismissed Two Life Crew so roundly time after time.

So should I

bring Duncan back in, let him listen to this clip or no?

Did you just explain it to him or you gave him examples?

No, he doesn't know anything about it.

He just knows it's a good new game that me and Giddam came up with.

He's sitting here when we're in it.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

See what Duncan says.

All All right.

I'll tell him to listen to.

I'll tell him to listen to, was it episode 302?

302, yeah.

All right.

I'll tell him to listen to it.

Like, you just have to slog through two hours

to get to the good stuff.

All right.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Or is that what we're still saying it?

Yeah.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

You want to to go a little

after music bonus content?

I got something here, Q, for an email about you.

About me?

Yeah,

complain about Q.

Oh, yeah.

I was told, like, I got the complaint.

Well, who wrote the complaint?

They won't, I don't know who wrote it because they won't reveal their name, but it's so strange is that

it came from my email address.

It's written backwards.

I got the complaint.

Yeah.

And then

they wrote back three hours later saying, hey, about that email I sent, don't read that out loud on the podcast.

All right, so let's read it out loud.

He goes, okay, so the first email is.

I don't know.

Actually, it's just three letters.

I don't know.

They're not revealing anything.

Okay.

No.

I'd like to be kept anonymous if some of the guys ask who sent this, which is easily done because, I I mean, there are only three letters.

Okay.

I would like to give a complaint about one small thing, and it has to do with Q.

I might stop listening to Tell him, Steve Dave,

if he always has to refer to himself or force people to call him Colonel.

Oh, oh, my God.

Okay, does he keep going?

Yeah, no, you want to hear why.

I want to hear the whole thing.

I want to think about his point of view.

First of all, being referred to as a colonel won't change how people respect you, no matter how nice or mean-spirited you are.

And also, the fact that you're making true TV, you're making True TV refer to you possibly as Colonel for season six of Impractical Jokers,

and having people call you Colonel makes you more of an asshole than someone who deserves the title of Colonel.

Why?

It's my title.

So they're saying that regular colonels are assholes.

It makes you more of an asshole.

No, no, no.

It makes you more of an asshole for forcing people to do it.

So they already think it's a good thing.

Legitimate colonels don't force people to think.

But I am a legitimate colonel.

Well, colonels who, I I guess, who didn't garner their title through being on TV, I guess.

But it's not up to him.

How do I put this delicately?

The governor of the state of Kentucky decided that

I was a Kentucky colonel.

I didn't lobby for it.

He gave it to me.

So the guy who is elected by the state of Kentucky to make these decisions made that decision, and I'm supposed to second guess it because this guy doesn't like it.

Oh, here's more.

Okay.

Billy Ray Cyrus.

No woman would waste that time writing this.

Billy Ray Cyrus, Cyvus, Billy Ray Cyrus, Stephen Fry,

and even Carol Channing were given the ranking of colonels, and people didn't refer to them as colonels, which is okay.

Sure, that's okay.

One more thing:

you haven't really said why you weren't the title of colonel, and I feel you should explain yourself.

And I feel you're pretending to be a colonel just so you can get more attention.

Oh, he thinks he's not a real colonel.

Unfortunately, I wish this weren't true, but we know it is.

And then three hours later,

this person writes,

I will.

Shush!

Don't read the last email I said out loud on pod.

That was a title.

But do have it mentioned to Q, okay?

I just need him to know that the whole colonel thing seemed to irritate me.

It seemed to, or it did.

I love Telmstee, Dave, I, J, and Q.

It's just that it got real tiring with all the kernel comments, and I just need it to sound off, that's all.

Well, I'll tell you what happened.

Wait, I want to live in a world where Walt brings this to you off-mic, like, hey, Luke.

Well, here's the issue.

I had forgotten to even bring up the kernel stuff this week.

And what this guy did was light the biggest fire on the MyS to never forget to call myself the Colonel ever

Like, what world do you live in?

Like, it's not up to this fucking ass clown.

Who is invited to stop listening to Telesy, Thieve?

Completely.

There's the door.

This colonel's not standing in your way.

This colonel will open the fucking door, hold it right open for you.

Like, the governor of Kentucky decided that I'm a Kentucky colonel.

It's literally his fucking job to decide who is or isn't.

So, why does this guy get to say that I'm not?

Who's he?

I mean, well, I mean, it's just one voice.

That's all.

Well, I'm responding to that one voice.

Well, it seemed like first he was saying you were colonel in name only and then sort of changed his mind to say, you're actually lying about it.

Right.

I mean, why?

And then change it to, I want to see the proof for why you became a colonel.

No, I think you wanted to see what the proof of the colours.

Well, if he wants, if he wants to warrant it.

I put

the certificate on my Twitter feed.

It's framed.

It's in my house.

But when you got the...

When you got the certificate, when you were bestowed the honor, the title of colonel, you did bring up why you got it though like the guy said it they don't just hand you a certificate but you you said it do you want to address the uh the reason you actually already said

i don't know i don't i don't remember what

it's not for me to decide whether i deserve no no i'm not saying that but when like did you go to a ceremony or something no no he said but when they said the governor sent it up to me but on the certificate it says like for blah blah blah blah blah

let me see if if because that would be the reasoning like first of all it's just like not for nothing but i am a retired firefighter.

I have medals for saving lives.

I do a lot of charity work for wounded warriors.

And

you know what I'm saying?

Like,

I help the Tunnel of the Towers every year.

I won 50 grand last year on top of the X amount of money that I donated on my own that I'm not even going to talk about.

So it's like,

what

would make me not qualified to be a colonel?

An honorary colonel.

You're not even saying that you're going to lead a charge.

Yeah, it's not an honorary colonel.

It's a Kentucky Colonel.

Like, it's not honorary.

Well, like you said, it's like a doctorate, right?

Like, if you're not really a doctor, but they give you a doctorate, you're not really like a military.

I think a lot of people think military colonel.

All right, but that, because so that means they're uninformed.

That doesn't mean that I'm making shit up.

It's not like tell him Steve Dave, right?

Right.

Yeah.

They're uninformed.

They're uninformed.

Like, it's a Kentucky colonel.

I think you've addressed it eloquently.

I think you've answered.

I think this person.

got all the answers that he was looking for, and I think he's just been pwned.

Well, Well, he'll never hear it because he said he's going to stop listening.

Well, he heard it now because he said he would stop listening if Q didn't stop pony.

Oh, I'm never going to stop now.

Well, I mean, well, he definitely heard this.

Well, if you listen past him, I would say, like, look, it's not up to me or you, mystery man, who's not even fucking willing to sign their name to it, to decide whether I can be a Kentucky Herder.

It is up to, it is in the purview of the governor of fucking Kentucky to decide he decided that I am for whatever reasons that he held dear to his heart.

I am telling you that it could be my charity work.

It could be my past career, it could be fucking the fact that I'm just, you know, a fucking nice guy.

I don't know.

I don't know.

All I know is it's not up to me or you.

I am a Kentucky colonel.

It's full life.

I earned it.

I don't know how, but I earned it.

So it's like, why shouldn't I be proud of that?

God bless the colonel.

Yeah.

Tell him, Colonel Q.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Fucking nonsense.

Fucking loser.

Colonel wannabe.

Colonel Hater.

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