TDS Time Machine | The Go F*ck Yourself Choir

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Speaker 10 You're listening to Comedy Central.

Speaker 11 Yesterday,

Speaker 12 I'm having my usual afternoon.

Speaker 13 Down at the orphanage, I was making soup and darning clothes.

Speaker 14 Fox News is on in the kids' day room and

Speaker 14 I see this.

Speaker 16 Tonight, Stewart slams Fox again.

Speaker 13 I've said it before and I'll say it again.

Speaker 4 Go f yourselves. Now Bernie Goldberg fires back at the funny man.
Don't miss an explosive O'Reilly tonight.

Speaker 18 I was like, oh man, that funny man is screwed.

Speaker 20 And then I was like, wait, that's me.

Speaker 19 I don't want to be fired back at.

Speaker 21 You see,

Speaker 22 funny story.

Speaker 25 Last week, I mentioned Fox was upset about the media generalizing who the Tea Parties are, and I agree with them.

Speaker 25 And I may have, at that point, then shown some of the very same people at Fox giddily generalizing about liberals and the left.

Speaker 13 And I might have, when presented with this rather bald hypocrisy,

Speaker 13 I may have told them to go themselves.

Speaker 19 And now they want to respond.

Speaker 25 All right, what did Bernie Goldberg have to say about me?

Speaker 2 So, does Stewart have a point here?

Speaker 27 Are we being hypocritical by generalizing about some people?

Speaker 28 I'll just speak about me. He does.

Speaker 28 I am pleading guilty, and that's a sincere plea of guilty.

Speaker 11 You're welcome.

Speaker 17 I win again.

Speaker 28 But let me speak directly to Jon Stewart for just a few seconds. And I know he watches.
He's a big fan of the show.

Speaker 17 Guilty as charged.

Speaker 26 I watch it every night with all my friends.

Speaker 19 Continue, Mr. Goldberg.

Speaker 28 If you just want to be a funny man who talks to an audience that will laugh at anything you say, that's okay with me, no problem.

Speaker 28 But if clearly you want to be a social commentator, more than just a comedian, and if you want to be a good one, you better find some guts.

Speaker 26 Okay, two things.

Speaker 17 One,

Speaker 13 not all of us have your guts, Bernie.

Speaker 13 It takes a tough man to walk into O'Reilly's lion's den and criticize liberal elites.

Speaker 17 And two,

Speaker 29 to say that comedians have to decide whether they're comedians or social commentators,

Speaker 19 comedians do social commentary through comedy.

Speaker 10 That's how it's worked for thousands of years.

Speaker 10 I have not moved out of the comedian's box into the news box.

Speaker 10 The news box is moving towards me.

Speaker 10 But I assume

Speaker 25 I'm just doing what idiots like me have done for thousands of years.

Speaker 13 But I assume that you have evidence that I've betrayed my craft.

Speaker 28 When you had Frank Rich on your show, who generalizes all the time about conservatives and Republicans being bigots,

Speaker 28 You didn't ask him a single tough question. You gave him a lap dance.
You practically had your tongue down his throat.

Speaker 17 Guilty as charge.

Speaker 19 Was that televised?

Speaker 23 I don't want to say anything, but Frank Rich hasn't been on the show since 2006.

Speaker 25 I mean, since I gave Frank Rich that lap dance, I don't know if you noticed, but I went back in the champagne room with Bill Crystal like five times.

Speaker 10 And if you watch this show, as it appears you have, you must remember me and McCain like bunnies.

Speaker 26 But I guess guess that's besides the point.

Speaker 19 Here's the point.

Speaker 26 You can't criticize me for not being fair and balanced.

Speaker 32 That's your slogan,

Speaker 24 which, by the way, you never follow.

Speaker 32 Which brings us back to the essence of the whole go yourselves piece.

Speaker 28 Guess what? You're not nearly as edgy as you think you are. You're just a safe Jay Leno with a much smaller audience, but you get to say the F-bomb.

Speaker 20 Okay, that's going to leave a mark.

Speaker 23 Yeah, okay, that one stung.

Speaker 17 I'm not going to lie on that one.

Speaker 18 I took that one right in the testicles. That was.

Speaker 20 Look, again, two things.

Speaker 19 Whoever said I was edgy? I never said I was...

Speaker 18 edgy.

Speaker 10 I never thought I was edgy.

Speaker 20 And number two, if you think I'm Leno with the F-bomb, you know less about comedy than you do about media and politics.

Speaker 20 This is Leno with the F-bomb.

Speaker 33 Look. I mean, can you believe this?

Speaker 34 It's typo. Circus judge? What kind of

Speaker 2 makes that kind of mistake?

Speaker 35 Goddamn sucking.

Speaker 34 You hear me with the f ⁇ es? I can't stop myself.

Speaker 34 Wow, he's so dirty.

Speaker 25 No wonder Prime Time couldn't handle him.

Speaker 28 You're just a safe Jay Leno with a much smaller audience, but you get to say the F-bomb, which gives your incredibly unsophisticated audience the illusion.

Speaker 36 You generalize it.

Speaker 28 The illusion that you're courageous and that you're a renegade, but it's only an illusion. Wait, wait!

Speaker 29 I'm not a courageous renegade,

Speaker 29 but I've always considered myself the Lorenzo Lamas of late night.

Speaker 19 And as far as my audience being unsophisticated...

Speaker 11 Boulder dash.

Speaker 10 Wait, I'm sorry, who said that?

Speaker 37 It is I, your biggest fan, Toppington von Monica.

Speaker 37 Unsophisticated? How dare he? If I may quote Catalis, Pedicabo egovas et irimabo.

Speaker 19 I'm sorry, Mr.

Speaker 22 von Monica, I don't speak Latin.

Speaker 37 It means I will sodomize you and face you.

Speaker 19 By the way, I thought my audience was elitist.

Speaker 23 Are they elitist or unsophisticated or unsophisticated in their elitism?

Speaker 22 Look, I'm sorry I told you to go f ⁇ yourself last week. And that other time, like six months ago, I told you to go f ⁇ yourself.

Speaker 39 I know that I criticize you in Fox News a lot, but only because you're truly a terrible, cynical, disingenuous news organization.

Speaker 10 Oh, wait, no, you know what? That's, no.

Speaker 10 That's the wrong approach. That's the wrong approach.

Speaker 18 That's not, I'm not going to do this.

Speaker 40 I'm not going to be confrontational.

Speaker 13 I want to take a minute to talk directly to Bernie Goldberg.

Speaker 23 Baby, I don't want to fight, baby.

Speaker 26 And I know you've been hurt before by them liberal elites.

Speaker 43 They've done you wrong, Bernie.

Speaker 17 Don't let that close your heart, brother.

Speaker 20 I don't hate you.

Speaker 17 I mean, you're not Dick Morris.

Speaker 43 Yeah, what is wrong with that guy?

Speaker 31 Yeah, seriously.

Speaker 43 He started to look like that guy from Men in Black.

Speaker 17 Which one?

Speaker 43 You know it from the first one, the guy who came down and walked around in other people's skin.

Speaker 12 What, Shalou?

Speaker 11 You talking about that? No.

Speaker 18 Oh,

Speaker 18 the Vincent D'Anofrio guy.

Speaker 4 That's the one.

Speaker 17 Yeah, that's right. Okay.

Speaker 19 You see, I've learned people are complicated, Bernie, and hard to categorize.

Speaker 34 I mean, I've got some conservative views.

Speaker 43 He's a pro-military mother.

Speaker 6 Peace to the troops.

Speaker 19 I've got some libertarian views.

Speaker 43 Legalize it. Gay marriage.

Speaker 17 Uh-huh. Pot.
Uh-huh. Gay pot marriage.

Speaker 43 Now you make f ⁇ ing.

Speaker 20 And I know that I can be intolerant.

Speaker 17 Lactose and otherwise, don't let this man eat any blisses.

Speaker 18 And I believe this country should provide some kind of social safety net for our most vulnerable citizens.

Speaker 43 Communists.

Speaker 19 And I also believe power should be passed down to the firstborn son of the reigning king.

Speaker 43 Monarchists.

Speaker 18 And I believe in ghosts.

Speaker 45 But I will tell you this, Bernie Goldberg. Oh, Bernie Goldberg.

Speaker 17 I will tell you this. Bernie Goldberg.

Speaker 17 I'll tell you, Bernie.

Speaker 17 I'll tell you, Bernie.

Speaker 17 I'll tell you, Bernie.

Speaker 17 I'm telling you, Bernie. Oh, yeah, Bernie Goldberg.
You can criticize my interviews at the

Speaker 17 Yes, they can be.

Speaker 20 That's the editing. Not funny.

Speaker 46 I try to be funny.

Speaker 17 Why don't you watch the movie? I don't have time to watch all the guest movies.

Speaker 18 My point is this.

Speaker 17 He's got a point now.

Speaker 17 He's got a point now.

Speaker 17 He's got a point now.

Speaker 18 Bernie Goldberg, I don't need to satisfy your version

Speaker 21 of what fair satire is or should be.

Speaker 45 I'm not fair.

Speaker 43 I'm not balanced. He's unstable.

Speaker 46 That's not what I meant. He's Coco Loco.

Speaker 17 Thank you.

Speaker 46 You're criticizing me for not living up to your tagline.

Speaker 18 Oh, Lord!

Speaker 18 And you dismissed any criticism as further evidence of how the rest of the media persecute you.

Speaker 18 You like to pretend, Bernie Goldberg and Fox News, that the relentless conservative activism of Fox News is the equivalent,

Speaker 18 oh, the equivalent of the disorganized liberal influence you find on NBC, ABC, and CBS.

Speaker 17 For Fox News,

Speaker 22 you may be able to detect a liberal pathogen in their bloodstream,

Speaker 25 however faint.

Speaker 19 But Fox News is such a crazy overreaction to that perceived threat.

Speaker 20 You're like an autoimmune disorder.

Speaker 40 I'm not saying the virus doesn't exist in some small quantity,

Speaker 17 But you're producing way too many antibodies.

Speaker 19 Fox News,

Speaker 17 you're the lupus of news.

Speaker 17 So,

Speaker 17 I guess,

Speaker 17 I guess what I'm saying is this.

Speaker 17 Go!

Speaker 18 As long as fair and balanced is how you sell yourselves.

Speaker 18 Guess what I'm saying is this?

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Speaker 16 And get yourself free select DeWalt, Cobalt, or Craftsman tools when you buy a select battery or combo kit before the Black Friday rush.

Speaker 9 Because everyone loves free stuff, right?

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Speaker 18 By now, those of you with access to media have probably heard that our good friends and colleagues Matt and Trey

Speaker 22 got in a little bit of trouble during the airing of their weekly animated series South Park, and by trouble I mean veiled death threats.

Speaker 42 It was a provocative episode where they addressed the Islamic prohibition on depicting the Prophet Muhammad.

Speaker 13 Their solution, of course, as is the solution to many of life's problems, bear suit.

Speaker 23 It's actually the same way I got out of jury duty.

Speaker 19 By the way, it turns out it wasn't really Muhammad in the bear suit, it was Santa Claus.

Speaker 42 And I say that not to enrage the elf community.

Speaker 13 But I guess when you're dealing with irrational anger, the facts of what the show was aren't really the issue. Comedy Central decided to censor the episode.
It's their right.

Speaker 13 We all serve at their pleasure.

Speaker 42 I have more than once been called out of my home on a Sunday to dance for the head of programming at

Speaker 26 his winter chalet.

Speaker 26 Can I put my clothes on now?

Speaker 45 I'm not finished.

Speaker 13 The censorship was a decision Comedy Central made, I think, as a way to protect their employees from what they believe was any possible harmful repercussions to them.

Speaker 13 Although, after forcing many of these same employees to work on Mind of Mencia and Krog Mundoon,

Speaker 18 damage done.

Speaker 49 But again, they signed the checks.

Speaker 13 But I think for me, the most striking thing as I ponder the difficult circumstance our great and hilarious and intelligent and sweet comedy brethren Matt and Trey now find themselves in, purely for expressing themselves, is this.

Speaker 29 The threats that they received come from Revolution Muslim, a group located in New York City.

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 31 This group residing in the shadows, or should I say, former shadows of the World Trade Center, are allowed to praise Osama bin Laden, celebrate the anniversary of 9-11, and try and intimidate the creators of South Park,

Speaker 15 all while enjoying our lovely theater district,

Speaker 13 our many diverse restaurants, including some of really the best Jewish deli you'll find.

Speaker 19 And our new High Line Park.

Speaker 18 It's a park made out of an old elevated train line. It's a really super thin park in the sky.

Speaker 21 Let's play Frisbee.

Speaker 17 Little help.

Speaker 18 And these numb nuts get to enjoy it.

Speaker 20 All because of how much we in this country value and protect even their freedom of expression.

Speaker 44 But as I witness

Speaker 19 As I witness the reaction to this episode, it makes me realize that I myself actually owe a lot of religious people an apology.

Speaker 26 Not for making jokes at their expense, but for not appreciating and thanking you for how well you've handled it.

Speaker 10 Because I mean, we've been ass

Speaker 10 to the Jews.

Speaker 27 Shalom, ladies.

Speaker 27 Took two miles to do that.

Speaker 51 Oh, is this good matzo ball soup?

Speaker 35 That's my cousin, Rabbi Wallenstein.

Speaker 12 He's fish-looking as schmucks in Congress.

Speaker 33 I don't want to do this, or maybe I have to atone for that later.

Speaker 51 And I quote.

Speaker 1 For Passover, the lamb shank, friend or foe?

Speaker 4 Baruch Ato Aranoy.

Speaker 33 Oigaboyga. Oigaboyga.

Speaker 52 You people are fuckakta.

Speaker 33 Completely mashugana. Yay!

Speaker 53 You call that a Holocaust cartoon? I'll show you a Holocaust cartoon, and it involves my sister.

Speaker 18 That we put that together.

Speaker 46 That's very kind of you.

Speaker 42 That's all we could throw together in two hours.

Speaker 26 We've actually made mention, I believe, also of Christians.

Speaker 22 If you've ever talked about gay sex with a Methodist, you know there's only one thing they demand, graphic detail.

Speaker 2 Catholicism, the religion that makes high school girls either no fun at all or pretty wild.

Speaker 13 Old David Brinkley's, the David Brinkley Lutherans are doomed sissies report.

Speaker 12 What a strange turn of events, Jesus.

Speaker 4 What the rapture might be like.

Speaker 11 Hey, oh, hey, Ed.

Speaker 27 You want some of Poetry?

Speaker 38 Other faiths are more cavalier about foot hygiene. For instance, I'm a Lutheran.

Speaker 33 That's a Mormon.

Speaker 27 The Jehovah's Witnesses.

Speaker 27 Your best chance to talk with old Jamaican women.

Speaker 11 My god, the Pope's plane is invisible.

Speaker 11 No,

Speaker 11 the Pope is Wonder Woman.

Speaker 54 Check it out.

Speaker 17 Better!

Speaker 18 And

Speaker 46 to the other religions,

Speaker 49 which I guess you would call them offbeat or miscellaneous.

Speaker 56 The sacred Ganges where the Hindus take the ashes of their loved ones does sound a lot like something you get from a whore.

Speaker 11 Voodoo!

Speaker 53 The only religion where you can become a doctor without going to grad school.

Speaker 27 Atheism, the religion devoted to the worship of one's own smug sense of superiority.

Speaker 38 Wiccan Yule, it's like Christmas for people who hate their parents.

Speaker 51 Rustifyism. Scientology.
Buddhism.

Speaker 27 The official religion of Chubby Chasers.

Speaker 33 If there is mutual respect. Musual friendship.
I am ready to talk with the Chinese on this proposal anywhere, anytime.

Speaker 27 Their dirty Amish pillow talk.

Speaker 33 It must be like, oh, oh, Diabadai, oh, yee.

Speaker 11 Shalakalaka.

Speaker 17 Or shalaka.

Speaker 11 What are they?

Speaker 38 What are they? The Cathars?

Speaker 2 Or the Norse Thunder God?

Speaker 52 I am an American Muslim.

Speaker 2 Okay, I know it's called a pigskin, okay, but it's not against your religion to catch it.

Speaker 34 We tried to get people on board with Kwanzaa, but it was just too retarded.

Speaker 57 Boom!

Speaker 57 That's everybody!

Speaker 57 Boom!

Speaker 57 By the way, I just want to point this out.

Speaker 40 Typically, the angriest letters we get tend to come from the Amish.

Speaker 18 Surprising.

Speaker 13 But their letters, the calligraphy?

Speaker 19 For more now on the South Park controversy, we are joined by our senior Islamic correspondent, Asif Manvi.

Speaker 21 Asif,

Speaker 13 what do you make of the South Park controversy, censorship, etc.?

Speaker 55 I mean, what am I, John? Every Muslim in the world? I mean, I represent all Muslims. Come on.

Speaker 32 Well, in this building, actually.

Speaker 32 I mean, for you, would a depiction of Muhammad in some form upset upset you?

Speaker 55 John, look, I'm a pretty liberal Muslim, meaning during Ramadan, every now and then I'll sneak a Diet Coke before sundown.

Speaker 55 But yes,

Speaker 55 it would make me uncomfortable, and I can understand people being upset about it.

Speaker 10 Even though it's a cartoon.

Speaker 31 Yes.

Speaker 55 But here's what's more upsetting. Someone in the name of a faith that I believe in threatening another person for doing it.

Speaker 13 Wow, that's what, why is that?

Speaker 55 Why do you think that's well A, it's just so 12th century.

Speaker 20 And

Speaker 46 B,

Speaker 55 I don't like having to walk around wearing this suit.

Speaker 55 Wow.

Speaker 26 You had to have a special suit made?

Speaker 10 No, it's a Tommy Hill figure, but I

Speaker 26 had to buy it.

Speaker 13 Thank you very much. Asaf Manby, everybody.
Asif Manby. So,

Speaker 19 in conclusion,

Speaker 13 I think there's only one thing left to say to Revolution Muslim.

Speaker 42 And I hesitate to use this phrase because it's a phrase I've used before in reference to other people.

Speaker 13 Fox News, Bernie Goldberg, Kramer, the crew at Chick-fil-A on 8th Avenue. They can't seem to get a salad right.

Speaker 23 And I don't want to lump these people in

Speaker 13 with revolution Muslim and extremists like that?

Speaker 24 Because even in our angriest and most contentious moments,

Speaker 25 people over there at Fox and those things, they're basically decent human beings I disagree with.

Speaker 10 They are at worst worthy adversaries, opponents, rivals,

Speaker 13 disputants, aspersioners,

Speaker 13 nemesis.

Speaker 20 But we're not enemies.

Speaker 25 Revolution Muslim, your type of hatred and intolerance.

Speaker 42 That's the enemy.

Speaker 15 And so.

Speaker 15 I say to you,

Speaker 15 and I know you get cable.

Speaker 18 And I say this to anyone who's threatening death in the name of religion and politics.

Speaker 18 go f and sell me.

Speaker 18 Go fing settlement.

Speaker 18 Go fing salt now.

Speaker 18 Go fing sell me.

Speaker 18 Go fing sell now.

Speaker 18 Go fing sell now.

Speaker 18 Sell now.

Speaker 5 Lowe's early Black Friday deals are going fast.

Speaker 6 Don't miss up to 50% off select major appliances. Plus, up to an extra 25% off when you bundle select major appliances.

Speaker 8 And with Christmas around the corner, you're gonna need more string lights, right?

Speaker 6 Save $4 on GE LED 100 count string lights, now just $5.98.

Speaker 8 Lowe's, we help.

Speaker 9 You save.

Speaker 6 Valid through 12.3. Selection varies by location.
Select locations only while supplies last. See Lowe's.com for more details.

Speaker 5 It's never too early for Lowe's Black Friday deals.

Speaker 6 Snag some of our biggest savings of the season right now, like 25% off select pre-lit artificial Christmas trees.

Speaker 16 And get yourself free select DeWalt, Cobalt, or Craftsman tools when you buy a select battery or combo kit before the Black Friday rush.

Speaker 9 Because everyone loves free stuff, right?

Speaker 48 Lowe's, we help.

Speaker 36 You save.

Speaker 6 Ballot through 12-3 while supplies last. Selection varies by location.

Speaker 13 As we've been hearing, President Obama's health care plan rollout is now being called the worst product launch since crystal meth Pepsi.

Speaker 13 And it's made the president some fierce adversaries, one in particular.

Speaker 49 If you've lost Jon Stewart, you're in deep trouble.

Speaker 52 If you lost Jon Stewart, you got problems.

Speaker 38 Even Jon Stewart this week taking shots at Obamacare. What impact does that have on the whole public dialogue?

Speaker 13 What impact does

Speaker 13 me have on the public dialogue? Well, it introduces to the health care debate the term

Speaker 33 punt,

Speaker 13 which I

Speaker 14 don't think had been used prior

Speaker 13 and is now, according to the Affordable Care Act, covered.

Speaker 34 But I guess it is very significant that even Jon Stewart, even Jon Stewart has turned against this.

Speaker 19 I can't recall even Jon Stewart ever doing that before.

Speaker 59 The Daily Show host Jon Stewart joked that the White House staffers haven't been reading their emails. If he's lost Jon Stewart,

Speaker 3 I'm just saying.

Speaker 3 Even Jon Stewart's been hammering at this.

Speaker 52 Even Jon Stewart was turning on the president, saying, oh, he learns everything from the news.

Speaker 58 Even Jon Stewart poked fun at President Obama for the poor debate performance.

Speaker 51 Even the comics lampooned the president's various statements about a public plan.

Speaker 54 I was wondering what's going to happen to the Daily Show and Barack Obama, when they got what they wanted, and that is a Democratic House, a Democratic president.

Speaker 54 And I got to give him credit, they're going after it.

Speaker 21 Who is that young whippersnapper mocking the president?

Speaker 40 Look, making fun of something, that's nothing new for us.

Speaker 12 So don't act like us making jokes about a certain program or president is evidence that that politician or issue has reached some kind of tipping point for action.

Speaker 13 Although that apparently is exactly the case that they are making.

Speaker 38 Should Secretary Sebelius step down or be fired?

Speaker 60 I have called for her resignation.

Speaker 60 I think when Jon Stewart and Saturday Night Live are making fun of the job that you are doing and the website, you know, what that speaks to is the fact that young Americans are laughing at the Secretary and the website.

Speaker 13 If that causes things to end, why was the network you were on still on the air?

Speaker 31 The senator from Wyoming believes that when young Americans laugh at a federal official, it is time for that official to step down.

Speaker 32 You didn't happen to ever mention that to this guy, did you?

Speaker 26 How did he survive our vicious poking au fun?

Speaker 42 And I seem to remember there was another fellow with that president.

Speaker 13 Dick Cheney shot a guy in the face, gate.

Speaker 32 Two glorious days of Cheney shot an old man in the face jokes.

Speaker 20 Did he leave? No.

Speaker 24 We did a running segment called You Don't Know Dick.

Speaker 46 Did he leave?

Speaker 40 What did it accomplish? Dick.

Speaker 24 It's an arms race.

Speaker 13 Still on television.

Speaker 17 Arby's.

Speaker 13 Arby's.

Speaker 50 Still making sandwiches

Speaker 13 filled with sliced

Speaker 22 something.

Speaker 22 That's right. What? What was.

Speaker 31 What was that?

Speaker 40 That's right. What?

Speaker 17 That's right. Where's that beautiful sound coming from?

Speaker 17 It can't be. It can't be possible.

Speaker 17 Are our friends back?

Speaker 17 Oh my God, people.

Speaker 17 They're welcome back.

Speaker 17 Oh,

Speaker 17 my God.

Speaker 17 People, I am here to say

Speaker 17 that the jokes we do on this program seem to accomplish very little.

Speaker 17 They don't do.

Speaker 26 If you provide perhaps a little catharsis or a perspective, that's a little bit of a good day.

Speaker 35 Maybe on a good day, you're right.

Speaker 18 But most of the stuff we complain about never changes.

Speaker 21 I don't know about weak, you know, that's exactly.

Speaker 17 Early onset, osteoporosis.

Speaker 21 I have osteoporosis.

Speaker 26 I have fine bone density.

Speaker 17 The point is this:

Speaker 42 don't you use our jokes as evidence that the thing you hate must be stopped?

Speaker 19 Because I'm sure when we joke about you like, you're more than happy to ignore.

Speaker 17 White both out that time.

Speaker 21 We add insult, not injury.

Speaker 53 If anything, you're just weak. Delling the populace anger that could really change the system.

Speaker 14 Somebody's been reading salon.com

Speaker 17 Hey, drop! There's one other thing!

Speaker 44 What's that?

Speaker 17 The thing we always say. Ooh, I forgot about it.

Speaker 17 One, two, one, two, three.

Speaker 17 Go

Speaker 17 f yourself

Speaker 63 I guess in Trump's mind, he doesn't have to keep his promises to MAGA as long as he continues to attack the people that MAGA hates.

Speaker 61 That's his get-out-of-jail free card.

Speaker 14 Trump believes he has immunity as long as he remains a petty tyrant, demanding only liberal institutions surrender to his whims.

Speaker 48 And what's crazy is liberal institutions have.

Speaker 38 Columbia University is bowing to President Trump's demands.

Speaker 53 ABC News settling a defamation suit with President Trump, paying out $15 million.

Speaker 52 Trump collected a big check and $25 million from Meta.

Speaker 38 A powerful law firm is caving to growing pressure from the Trump administration.

Speaker 64 The president pressuring two more law firms, and they have relented.

Speaker 38 Wilkie, Farr, and Gallagher became the latest major law firm to enter into one of these settlements with the White House.

Speaker 48 Really?

Speaker 8 Wilkie, Farr, and Gallagher.

Speaker 48 We know Gallagher wouldn't put up a fight.

Speaker 34 And Farr was always a coward.

Speaker 34 But this episode has long last brought shame to the proud name of Wilkie.

Speaker 48 Oh, Wilkie!

Speaker 48 Not since John Wilkie Booth

Speaker 48 assassinated Abraham Linkey.

Speaker 41 Too soon?

Speaker 14 But since we're on the topic of corporate capitulation to the whims of a pussy-grabbing enigma,

Speaker 47 last week, as you may have heard, CBS, which happens to have the same parent company as the network this program currently airs on, unceremoniously canceled the late show with Stephen Colbert.

Speaker 48 And yes,

Speaker 61 in this case...

Speaker 48 In this case, I'll allow it.

Speaker 48 Now, obviously,

Speaker 61 I am certainly not the most objective to comment on this matter.

Speaker 30 Many of you may or may not know, Stephen and I worked together on this very program together from 1999 through 2005.

Speaker 47 Haven't changed a bit.

Speaker 61 And then Stephen began our sister program, The Colbert Rapport, also on Comedy Central. A show which in my mind, if I may.

Speaker 61 A show which in my mind remains to this day one of the most astounding accomplishments in satirical television, rendering a fictional character in real time four nights a week for 10 years, so seamlessly, many viewers believed him to be the borish, high-status idiot he was portraying.

Speaker 41 They were heady times, my friends.

Speaker 61 We were two pretty good-sized fish in a reasonably small basic cable pond.

Speaker 12 Both of our shows reached an inflection point in 2015.

Speaker 61 Stephen chose to challenge himself by seeing if he could succeed the legendary David Letterman in quite frankly a much bigger pond than the one he and I had been swimming in.

Speaker 48 And I quit.

Speaker 8 I quit.

Speaker 48 I quit.

Speaker 34 Stephen challenged him.

Speaker 63 I passed away.

Speaker 35 Stephen challenged his abilities in the biggest field you could.

Speaker 48 And I literally went to a farm upstate.

Speaker 48 It's true. He did it.
I did it.

Speaker 34 And if I may, watching Stephen exceed all expectations in the role and become the number one late night show on network television has been an undeniable great pleasure for me as a viewer and as his friend.

Speaker 48 And now,

Speaker 67 and now,

Speaker 11 Steven has been canceled for purely financial reasons.

Speaker 12 And by the way, not just Stevens' show.

Speaker 61 CBS has canceled the entirety of the late show franchise.

Speaker 51 Gone!

Speaker 51 Now I acknowledge,

Speaker 48 losing money.

Speaker 61 Late night TV is a struggling financial model.

Speaker 63 We are all basically operating a blockbuster kiosk inside of a tower records.

Speaker 48 But when your industry is faced with changes, you don't just call it a day. My God!

Speaker 61 When CNEs stopped selling, they didn't just go, oh well, music, it's been a good run.

Speaker 61 The fact that CBS didn't try to save their number one rated network late night franchise that's been on the air for over three decades is part of what's making everybody wonder was this purely financial?

Speaker 12 Or maybe the path of least resistance for your $8 billion merger?

Speaker 14 Was killing a show that you know rankled a fragile and vengeful president, so insecure, suffering terribly from a case of chronic penis insufficiency.

Speaker 65 Truly,

Speaker 14 it's a vicious disease.

Speaker 12 I believe CBS lost the benefit of the doubt two weeks prior when they sold out their flagship news program to pay an extortion fee to said president.

Speaker 34 At that time, poor Andy Rooney must have been rolling over in his bed.

Speaker 12 That's right.

Speaker 8 He's alive.

Speaker 48 Andy Rooney is alive.

Speaker 34 I probably buried the lead on this entire bit.

Speaker 8 Andy Rooney is alive.

Speaker 34 And he's just turning over in bed.

Speaker 47 You know what he's probably doing?

Speaker 41 Biding his time.

Speaker 14 For when the network calls him and says, is anything else bothering you, Andy?

Speaker 67 Yeah, the thing is.

Speaker 12 Ask your parents. He was on 60 minutes.

Speaker 12 Look, I understand the corporate fear. I understand the fear that you and your advertisers have with $8 billion at stake.

Speaker 39 But understand this, truly.

Speaker 12 The shows that you now seek to cancel, censor, and control-a not insignificant portion of that $8 billion value came from those fucking shows.

Speaker 67 That's what made you that money.

Speaker 67 Shows that say something

Speaker 30 shows that take a stand shows that are unafraid and not to believe me This is not a we speak truth to power We don't we speak opinions to television cameras, but we try we fucking try every night and if you believe as corporations or as networks you can make yourselves so innocuous that you can serve a gruel so flavorless that you will never again be on the boy king's radar?

Speaker 66 A, why will anyone watch you and you are fucking wrong?

Speaker 30 You want to know how it's possible. Is it true?

Speaker 5 Do you want to know?

Speaker 61 Do you want to know how impossible it is to stay on Lord Farquhad's good side?

Speaker 38 President Trump says he will sue the Wall Street Journal and its owner, Rupert Murdoch, who also owns Fox

Speaker 48 Donald Trump is suing Rupert Murdoch,

Speaker 61 the owner of Fox News, the man other than Biden, maybe most responsible for getting Trump elected.

Speaker 48 Fox,

Speaker 48 yeah, yeah, I fucking snuck that in there. Yeah!

Speaker 30 Fox spends 24 hours a day blowing Trump and it's not enough.

Speaker 48 Imagine suing someone mid-blow.

Speaker 65 How could you?

Speaker 48 Finish up, finish up down there and I'll see you in court.

Speaker 48 So here's the point.

Speaker 12 If you're trying to figure out why Stevens' show is ending, I don't think the answer can be found in some smoking gun email or phone call from Trump to CBS executives or in CBS's QuickBook spreadsheets on the financial health of late night.

Speaker 12 I think the answer is in the fear and pre-compliance that is gripping all of America's institutions at this very moment.

Speaker 14 Institutions that have chosen not to fight the vengeful and vindictive actions of our pubic hair doodling commander-in-chief.

Speaker 67 This is not the moment to give in.

Speaker 48 I'm not giving in.

Speaker 18 I'm not going anywhere.

Speaker 48 I think.

Speaker 62 So, to those institutions, to those corporations and advertisers, and universities, and law firms, all of them, if you still think that bending the knee to Trump will save you, I have one thing to say.

Speaker 7 I know you're scared.

Speaker 48 I know you're you're weary.

Speaker 48 I know your plans

Speaker 48 don't include me.

Speaker 48 But these are troubled times.

Speaker 48 So sack the fuck

Speaker 48 up

Speaker 48 because

Speaker 48 this ain't the time to shrink. Not the time.

Speaker 48 This is the time to fight.

Speaker 48 Time to fight.

Speaker 48 This is the time to rise up.

Speaker 48 Not too fast. You're all

Speaker 62 I am old. That is a true point.

Speaker 62 Obviously, the blood pressure, etc.

Speaker 47 But compliance and complacency is not the answer.

Speaker 57 We reject the mindless, machine-generated slop that offends nobody, and we affirm our shared humanity.

Speaker 48 We must continue to have humans make things that inspire and provoke other humans.

Speaker 67 Chad GT wrote that.

Speaker 67 But if

Speaker 48 you're afraid and you protect your bottom line,

Speaker 17 I've got but one thing to say:

Speaker 17 just one little phrase.

Speaker 45 Go fuck yourself.

Speaker 45 Go fuck yourself.

Speaker 45 Wait, wait, wait, bring it down, bring it down.

Speaker 45 Let me bring it down.

Speaker 48 Let it be quiet.

Speaker 48 Fuck, fuck, fuck yourself. Just go fuck yourself.

Speaker 48 Everybody.

Speaker 48 Fuck, fuck yourself.

Speaker 48 Just go fuck yourself.

Speaker 48 Fuck yourself. Just go fuck yourself.

Speaker 48 Fuck yourself.

Speaker 44 Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 44 Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus.

Speaker 21 This has been a Comedy Central podcast.

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