TDS Time Machine | Spotlight Desi

Speaker 1 You're listening to Comedy Central.

Speaker 2 Does anyone have any questions?

Speaker 3 Yes!

Speaker 2 How did you get started and make your way to the daily show? Because that's like a dream of mine. Um,

Speaker 2 well, well, it all, I was born

Speaker 2 in 1981. I'll start from the very beginning.
Um,

Speaker 2 I grew up, well actually I'm sitting here looking at my uncle, who's right here, my Uncle Jay. Notch it!

Speaker 2 It's his birthday today too!

Speaker 2 35 years young.

Speaker 2 He actually Uncle Jay was truly one of my hugest comedic

Speaker 2 role models. Uncle Jay would make me laugh growing up until I completely pee my pants.
I still do often, but that's more because I had a baby. But

Speaker 2 I loved, I was obsessed with SNL. I watched a lot of Carol Burnett growing up.
My dad used to show me a lot of reruns of Carol and the women on SNL and Tina and Amy.

Speaker 2 And there was something in me that really wanted to do comedy. But I grew up in Louisville, Kentucky, so that's not a sensible thing to do when you grow up there.

Speaker 2 But for some reason, I've got really great parents who are very supportive and supported this insane idea that at 19 I would move to Los Angeles and take classes. So I threw myself into improv

Speaker 2 scene study, and I just started getting small roles one at a time, one line, and pilots that never went anywhere. But when I reached my 20s, I was obsessed with the Daily Show.
I loved Jon Stewart.

Speaker 2 I watched religiously. It was my dream to be on the show.
I auditioned for the show three times over the years

Speaker 2 and finally the third time

Speaker 2 I got the call, come out to New York, and this was right after they hired Trevor.

Speaker 2 And I had just gotten married and I spent my whole career trying to plan, pick, okay, I can't go on vacation because I might get that Burger King call back and

Speaker 2 I gotta be there for the work. And

Speaker 2 I had just gotten married and we wanted to start a family and I thought you know what f it I'm gonna live my life and whatever happens happens and when I got the call to come here I was four months pregnant living in Los Angeles I thought oh boy

Speaker 2 do I tell them

Speaker 2 do I keep it to myself

Speaker 2 And I would be starting the job six months pregnant. So I pulled Jen Flanz, who's sitting right over here, our showrunner, executive producer, all things.

Speaker 2 I pulled her aside after the audition, and she had this look on her face, like, oh God, what are you going to ask me? Like, did you do a good job? What a needy actor.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I said, this is my dream job, and I will move here tomorrow. But you should know I am pregnant, so I'd be starting the job pregnant.
And she goes, Great.

Speaker 2 We can talk about it or we won't talk about it, whatever you want, whatever you're comfortable with.

Speaker 2 And seven and a a half years later, I'm here. And my seven and a half year old is sitting upstairs, probably not watching this right now.
He's eating snacks.

Speaker 2 Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm Dead De Leidick, and I am so happy I get to host The Daily Show this week.

Speaker 2 God, I am so excited. I just peed myself a little.

Speaker 2 I'm just kidding. It was a lot of pee.

Speaker 2 We got a great show for you tonight, so let's get into the headlines.

Speaker 2 Let's kick things off with something I saw today, and I just, I have to talk about it.

Speaker 2 Okay, so last month, Bud Light did a social media campaign with transgender influencer Dylan Mulvaney, and conservatives absolutely lost their shit over it.

Speaker 2 They were filming themselves shooting cans, running over cans, hitting cans with a baseball bat. It was like a saw movie, but starring Bud Light.

Speaker 2 But now their meltdown has even its own march.

Speaker 9 America presents real women of politics.

Speaker 3 Real women of politics.

Speaker 11 Real women don't have to fake it.

Speaker 9 Real women.

Speaker 9 Doing real things.

Speaker 9 Real women work too hard for this.

Speaker 8 Some big companies can't tell the difference between real and fake anymore.

Speaker 3 Real people know the difference.

Speaker 8 That's why we're introducing the real women of politics koozy.

Speaker 9 And if it covers up the label of a big woke company,

Speaker 9 well,

Speaker 8 that works too.

Speaker 8 Real women of politics.

Speaker 8 What the f ⁇ ?

Speaker 8 I mean, seriously though, what the hell?

Speaker 2 Like, I'm sorry, but can you really imagine conservative men using this thing? I mean, maybe as a pocket p, but that's it.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm out fishing, so this KIV flashlight has got to get the job done.

Speaker 2 I never thought I'd miss the old beer commercials. I mean, sure, there were a lot of boobs, but at least they weren't like, these boobs are biological boobs.

Speaker 2 This ad made no sense. Like, what was going on with that woman shoving a giant fish into a tiny box?

Speaker 6 Is that something real women do? It wasn't even near the sea.

Speaker 2 It was like in a closet. What is a fish even doing in a closet? Even that actor had no idea what was going on.
She was like, please tell me this is for porn.

Speaker 2 And that's some weird Sarah Huckabee Sanders ad.

Speaker 2 And this should be obvious, but I am so sick of this: trans women are not real women. Having a vagina

Speaker 2 doesn't make you a woman.

Speaker 2 Having a crippling fear that you're using too many exclamation points in an email, that is what makes you a woman.

Speaker 2 All right, let's move on to the big story rocking the media world today. You know that stupid look that's always on Tucker Carlson's face?

Speaker 2 Well, today he has a good reason for it.

Speaker 13 This just in to CNN. Tucker Carlson is out at Fox News.
The right-wing network just announced the two have parted ways. CNN senior media reporter Oliver Darcy is here with more on this.

Speaker 13 What are you learning? He was out on Friday. Will we see him say goodbye?

Speaker 15 We're not going to see him say goodbye. This is really stunning news coming from Fox.
They say his last show was April 21st. They put out a very short statement.

Speaker 15 They say they thank him for his service, and that's it. That's all we know right now.

Speaker 15 Wow.

Speaker 15 Wow.

Speaker 2 I can't believe that a network that's so opposed to gender-affirming surgery just cut off their own dick.

Speaker 2 Now, apparently, Tucker was forced out by Rupert Murdoch, which is pretty ironic. Tucker spent so many years saying that Mexican people were coming to take our jobs away.

Speaker 2 Turns out he should have been worrying about Australians.

Speaker 2 And we still don't know exactly what led Rupert Murdoch to fire his network's biggest star, but reportedly he was concerned over Carlson's conspiracy theories about January 6th.

Speaker 2 So let this be a lesson to everybody. If you try to topple America's democracy, you can stay on TV for two more years and that's it.

Speaker 2 But whatever the reason was, Tucker's firing is going to leave a huge white power vacuum at Fox.

Speaker 2 And I'm glad he's gone. But if I'm being honest, I'm also a little nervous about what he's gonna do next.
You know? It's like after Papa John got fired.

Speaker 2 You just knew he was out there somewhere working on a pizza that gives you even worse diarrhea.

Speaker 2 By the way, Tucker Carlson isn't the only cable news anchor to get the act.

Speaker 2 CNN just fired Don Lemon after 17 New Year's Eve blackouts. Sorry.

Speaker 2 Years of service.

Speaker 2 So it's been a tough day to be a news anchor on cable.

Speaker 2 Sorry. Sorry, what's up?

Speaker 2 Oh, oh, I'm also being fired.

Speaker 2 Oh, that was fast.

Speaker 2 Okay, guess I'll pack up my things.

Speaker 2 Stapler,

Speaker 2 scissors.

Speaker 11 Yeah,

Speaker 2 photos.

Speaker 2 Oh, my giant fish.

Speaker 2 The box is too small.

Speaker 4 Call me a girly girl.

Speaker 4 You would f ⁇ this.

Speaker 2 I just got here. I'm finishing this out.

Speaker 2 Ted Cruz recently made waves with a comment about New York City values.

Speaker 16 The rest of the country knows exactly what New York values are, and I gotta say, they're not Iowa values and they're not New Hampshire values.

Speaker 2 As a recent transplant from Kentucky, I wondered, what exactly are New York City values?

Speaker 10 Socially liberal or pro-abortion or pro-gay marriage?

Speaker 2 Oh god, no. I headed to Times Square to see how visitors cope in our perverted cesspool.
How would you compare this city with whatever city you're from? Where are you from?

Speaker 9 I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. Okay.

Speaker 7 It's been a good trip. We've enjoyed it.

Speaker 2 Has the gay in your face ruined anything for you?

Speaker 9 The gay in my face.

Speaker 2 All the gay in your family, the gay in your face.

Speaker 7 I hadn't seen much of that. I was shocked.

Speaker 2 Clearly, these values are ruining their vacations.

Speaker 10 We love coming. Yeah, actually, we love it.
Yeah.

Speaker 17 It's adventure.

Speaker 18 Because we come for the shows.

Speaker 2 Is it hard to get tickets to really popular shows like Hamilton with all the abortions going on here?

Speaker 19 Well Hamilton you can't get tickets to.

Speaker 2 Right. Because of all the abortions.

Speaker 2 So you guys are from New York. What are New York values? We're not from New York, sorry.

Speaker 17 Are you sure?

Speaker 11 I'm positive.

Speaker 2 With all the.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, we just like to look different. New York is full of sick and twisted surprises.

Speaker 7 We've met a lot of nice people. Just met a construction worker here that was really super nice to us and really didn't even cuss at me.

Speaker 3 I mean, not one time.

Speaker 2 Did he ask to feel your tits?

Speaker 7 No, he didn't.

Speaker 9 And he didn't tell me where to go or flip me off. Did he grab your ass?

Speaker 17 No.

Speaker 2 Did he ask how much?

Speaker 9 No. Did he tell you to f ⁇ off?

Speaker 17 No.

Speaker 2 But admit it, when you get home, after you wash away the sin and re-baptize yourself, you'll really look forward to a great home-cooked meal at, yeah, what's that,

Speaker 2 Cracker Restaurant?

Speaker 3 Cracker Barrel.

Speaker 2 No, not that one. The other place where crackers go to.

Speaker 5 Denny's.

Speaker 2 Denny's. Finish the sentence for me.
New York is a godless.

Speaker 19 Why would you say New York is godless? I don't think that that's accurate. New York is great.
I like New York.

Speaker 2 So wait, so you guys are actually enjoying yourselves here?

Speaker 19 Absolutely, yeah.

Speaker 17 Really? Yes.

Speaker 19 My grandfather came through Ellis Allen in 1911 on his way to Pennsylvania to a new life. It's a place of opportunity for a lot of people, including my grandfather.

Speaker 2 Oh, right! A lot of our immigrant ancestors did come through New York. But still, these guys are just tourists.
What do they know? What about people who moved here from real America?

Speaker 2 So I've been living here for about eight months and it's fantastic. I love it.

Speaker 20 What?

Speaker 21 My life has improved because I have more opportunities to move forward in life with whatever I want to do.

Speaker 22 There's so many people that are coming into so many different cultures and races and nationalities, sexual orientations. What people do is what they do.
What you do is what you do.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but like back home, you were the only gay guy, so you're like this gay celebrity.

Speaker 22 Well, back home,

Speaker 22 I was Beyoncé. Here, I'm barely Latavia.

Speaker 2 Who's Latavia?

Speaker 18 Exactly.

Speaker 24 She was a member of the group that nobody knows.

Speaker 2 Okay, so don't you want to go back and be Beyoncé?

Speaker 22 I want to be the Beyoncé of New York.

Speaker 2 There are a lot of Beyoncés here in New York, including Beyoncé. Okay, maybe Ted Cruz is wrong to attack New York for its values.
It is a melting pot of ideas and cultures. That said,

Speaker 2 I live here and there is still plenty to criticize. So, Ted, the next time you want to on this city, ask a New Yorker.
There are so many things you could complain about, like our arts.

Speaker 6 Try getting a fing ticket.

Speaker 2 Or complain about our infrastructure.

Speaker 2 How are you still digging? They've been digging for two years.

Speaker 2 Our commutes.

Speaker 4 And the fing profits.

Speaker 2 Our many great restaurants. I'm at brunch right now.

Speaker 2 Or take a shot at our quality of life. It costs $5,000 a month to live here.
And it comes with a fing roommate.

Speaker 11 We're out of toilet paper.

Speaker 2 We don't even have a bathroom. Wait, where have you been?

Speaker 2 But don't f with our values because we accept all people.

Speaker 2 Well, not all. Is there anything you would like to say to Ted Cruz?

Speaker 3 You, Ted Cruz.

Speaker 2 Wow, you guys are New Yorkers.

Speaker 2 Arizona is the most die-hard red state in the Southwest, but a new Democratic candidate is using a radical approach to take back the governor's seat. Meet Noah Dyer, in many ways a typical Democrat.

Speaker 22 The most important things are that we reform education, immigration, health care.

Speaker 2 But what sets his campaign apart is his goal of cleaning up the cesspool of political scandal and controversy that's taken over Arizona politics.

Speaker 22 I'm a politician who's going to give people the whole truth. I've been totally honest and transparent from day one.

Speaker 2 Wow. I appreciate the honesty thing.
And he means totally honest.

Speaker 22 When I launched my campaign, I revealed everything that I've done. There's a statement on my website that reveals that I've had a lot of casual sex and sex with married women.

Speaker 2 Come again.

Speaker 22 I've had a lot of sex with married women.

Speaker 2 Sorry, tell me again, what office are you running for?

Speaker 22 Governor of Arizona.

Speaker 2 You know that we're recording this.

Speaker 22 I've had a lot of sex. I intend to keep having sex.

Speaker 2 It's not that kind of show, so I don't want to get too deep into it.

Speaker 2 But, like, specifically, what sex stuff?

Speaker 11 Group sex with lots of people and things like that.

Speaker 2 Say no more.

Speaker 22 Text sex. And I've recorded video during sex.
Sometimes it's just an

Speaker 22 eight-second video, and other times it can go on for quite some time.

Speaker 2 Turns out this guy was totally for real and the press poured out love for his unconventional campaign. He is tapping into something really important when it comes to campaigning in an authentic way.

Speaker 16 Everybody can appreciate somebody that's an open book.

Speaker 2 Of course Dyer's open book has some pages stuck together but he's hoping to get through the steamy chapters pretty quickly.

Speaker 22 I don't actually want to talk about my sex life. I've just shared it at the get-go so that we can not talk about about it.

Speaker 2 But there's a tab on your website about it. Right.
But if he's going to defeat incumbent Doug Ducey, Dyer's going to need a few other tabs.

Speaker 2 Do you have anything else going on in your life to distract people from all the sex stuff?

Speaker 4 Sure.

Speaker 22 What? I've got an example of a speech here that I gave in a legislative district meeting.

Speaker 2 Great.

Speaker 22 Doug Ducey has made alliances with selfish business and political leaders that rape Arizona's most vulnerable communities.

Speaker 22 When their policies rape our public school students and teachers, when they rape our LGBTQ community, and when they rape our poor,

Speaker 20 they call it job screen.

Speaker 22 Good.

Speaker 11 I'll take that. Okay.

Speaker 2 Do all your speeches have that much rape in them?

Speaker 22 My intention was to really make people feel that these policies are bad.

Speaker 11 I'd scale back like 100% on the rape.

Speaker 2 This guy has to spend some time not campaigning with this dick. What makes him electable?

Speaker 22 You know, I guess when it comes to, I speak Spanish, and I included that as part of my campaign because

Speaker 22 it's legitimately who I am.

Speaker 2 May Gusta.

Speaker 11 Quest, KBN.

Speaker 22 You know, I guess I'm a hobby stage hypnotist.

Speaker 2 You're a hypnotist?

Speaker 11 Yeah.

Speaker 11 There's gonna be a Republican governor for a long time.

Speaker 22 I don't think so.

Speaker 22 I'm telling you that I see a lot of people who are excited about this campaign and we're gonna do better than the odds predict.

Speaker 2 So I tagged along as Dyer tried to show me his fired-up electorate.

Speaker 22 I'm Noah Dyer. I'm running for governor of Arizona.
Part of my thing is honesty. I found that a lot of people don't think politicians can be trusted.

Speaker 2 He's had group sex.

Speaker 22 I have had group sex. Could you vote for somebody that's had group sex before?

Speaker 11 No, no. No.

Speaker 10 I don't know if I want a governor who's having group sex.

Speaker 22 Why do you need to disclose that?

Speaker 2 But they weren't exactly on board.

Speaker 22 Do you feel like you could trust me more because I've been honest with that up front?

Speaker 2 Oh, yes. But you're not going to vote for him.

Speaker 20 Probably not. No.

Speaker 10 It's pretty close to a no at this point.

Speaker 2 Clearly, Dyer couldn't get elected on his own. So I brought my fancy New York camera crew out to the desert to help him out with this first campaign commercial.

Speaker 2 All All he had to do was steer a clear of the sex stuff and be normal. Think just empty patriotism.
And, oh, shit, your wife. It here.

Speaker 2 Perfect.

Speaker 22 My name's Noah Dyer, and I'm running for governor of Arizona. I've had lots of sex, including casual sex and group sex that I've even recorded.
Cut, cut.

Speaker 2 Yeah, okay, that, uh,

Speaker 2 can you do that again, but without mentioning sex seven times? Action.

Speaker 22 My name's Noah Dyer, and I'm running for governor of Arizona. I want you to know that I'm going to be an honest and transparent politician.

Speaker 2 Once Dyer finally dropped all the sex stuff, he was actually pretty electable. So forget transparency.
We all want to have group sex. We just don't want our governors having group sex.
Or something.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I need a drink.

Speaker 8 I actually don't drink.

Speaker 22 What? I have actually never had a drink.

Speaker 2 Wait, you have sex sober?

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 2 That is the most fed-up thing I've ever heard. Good luck, Arizona.
You're going to need it.

Speaker 2 The death penalty. It's an institution as American as apple pie.
That's laced with pento barbital.

Speaker 2 And there are those who understand the need for death, like capital punishment advocate Robert Blecker.

Speaker 20 In three words, we need the death penalty because they deserve it. In one word, we need the death penalty because of justice.

Speaker 2 In seven words.

Speaker 20 The only just response and proportional punishment.

Speaker 2 11 words.

Speaker 8 For people who kill viciously or callously,

Speaker 20 death is deserved.

Speaker 2 Oh, so close.

Speaker 2 Yet, there are actually those who don't think death is the solution.

Speaker 15 The Nebraska legislature has just voted to ban capital punishment.

Speaker 2 Forces on both sides are now mounting legal challenges. Backing the ban, you guessed it, spineless, soft on crime.
Wait, that guy's a Republican.

Speaker 18 Abolishing the death penalty was something we could do not in spite of the fact we were conservative, but because we were conservative.

Speaker 2 You used conservative principles to convince conservatives to violate their beliefs.

Speaker 18 Well, okay, so.

Speaker 2 That is like the slickest, most underhanded Republican thing I have ever heard up top or down top.

Speaker 18 Now, listen though.

Speaker 18 It wasn't a violation of beliefs. The death penalty is inefficient.
The death penalty represents broken government. The death penalty does not jive with our pro-life values.

Speaker 2 Sadly, in his blind lust to not kill, Koash clings to his old conservative binky, fiscal responsibility.

Speaker 18 It costs a state more money to go through an execution than to keep that inmate. in jail for the rest of their life.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but some things you can't put a price on.

Speaker 20 The cost is not important ultimately when it comes to the death penalty. I mean, look at who's on Nebraska's death row.

Speaker 20 One anti-Semitic racist cult leader forced one of his members to have sex with a goat and then anally raped them, skinned them alive.

Speaker 2 Hmm, that's we don't need to go down that road.

Speaker 20 And they tied him up in the basement. They took cell phone photos and okay, I think I know where this is going.

Speaker 2 It's good. Okay, that is way too many words.
In a world filled with murderous, criminal goats, how would Coash address another conservative article of faith, getting tough on crime?

Speaker 18 We know that crime in other states where they've abolished the death penalty, crime rate doesn't change. Doesn't attract more crime.

Speaker 2 But those facts couldn't be more wrong. Criminals always consider the consequences.
Like this.

Speaker 2 I'm super high on crack cocaine right now. All I can think about is getting more money so I can get more crack cocaine.
So right now, my best option is this 24-hour drugstore.

Speaker 2 And I don't care if I have to kill a mother f.

Speaker 2 But first, I'm gonna carefully consider Nebraska state law. Specific intent to kill is not required for felony murder, but only the intent to do a felonious act.

Speaker 2 However, since there's no death penalty, thanks to you, f it. I'm going in.

Speaker 2 See, deterrence would have totally worked.

Speaker 20 Well, that's what the deterrence people say about the death penalty to support it. That's not what I say.

Speaker 2 So if we're not talking about a deterrent, what the f ⁇ are we talking about?

Speaker 20 We're talking about justice. We're talking about retribution.

Speaker 2 Getting f ⁇ ing even. But wouldn't you know, COASH trots out the most all-powerful conservative commandment, government can't be trusted.

Speaker 18 We've had our problems with our correction system here. And this is a decision that you have to get right.
You don't want to put an innocent person to death.

Speaker 2 But Blecker knows government is perfectly capable. Well, almost perfectly.

Speaker 20 My best guess is that we have executed an innocent person, and probably more than one. That's not a sufficient reason to abolish the death penalty.

Speaker 20 You do your best, and you constantly try to do better.

Speaker 2 And that's what you would say to the families of one of the people that was accidentally executed?

Speaker 24 I say to them, we feel absolutely miserable.

Speaker 3 We are appalled at what we did, but we did our best.

Speaker 2 I'm new at this, but if you want, you can restate your answer. That's right.
When it comes to executing people, just like JV field hockey, always do your best.

Speaker 2 As I left Nebraska, I realized that maybe the death penalty isn't cost-effective, and it doesn't deter crime. And sometimes we do kill innocent people, but there's a greater tragedy.

Speaker 2 11 words, another American institution may be gone forever, thanks to Republicans.

Speaker 2 Let's get right into today's big story. New York City's Mayor Eric Adams.
He's known for a lot of things, from clubbing downtown to clubbing in Midtown to clubbing during work hours.

Speaker 2 He's having the best time and the party is never gonna end.

Speaker 25 Breaking overnight indicted New York Mayor Eric Adams facing criminal charges. An historic case.

Speaker 1 For the first time, a sitting mayor is facing criminal charges. Indicted by the U.S.
Southern District here in New York.

Speaker 2 Can someone check if there's bottle service at Rikers?

Speaker 2 So yes, this is a historic and sad day for New York City, which is why the subway masturbators were flying their sweatpants at half-mask this morning.

Speaker 2 Now, to be fair, Adams is, of course, innocent until proven guilty. Although it would be a lot easier to believe he wasn't doing crimes if he didn't dress like a gangster from Guys and Dolls.

Speaker 2 But the question is: what exactly is Eric Adams accused of? Let's find out in our news segment, Suspects in the City.

Speaker 2 I couldn't couldn't help but wonder, how could the mayor be in trouble with the law? We know how much he follows the law because he tells us all the time.

Speaker 24 I just strongly believe you have to follow the law. I cannot tell you how much I start today with telling my team,

Speaker 24 we gotta follow the law.

Speaker 24 See?

Speaker 2 As we know, the most trustworthy people are the ones who are constantly telling you how trustworthy they are.

Speaker 2 You know, it's like how most faithful spouses start every morning reminding themselves not to cheat.

Speaker 2 If you got one of those ladies, hang on, hang on tight, don't let go.

Speaker 2 So, what's the mayor in trouble for? Well, according to him, it's for simply caring too much.

Speaker 24 I always knew that if I stood my ground for all of you, that I would be a target. And a target I became.

Speaker 24 Oh my god.

Speaker 24 You did that for us?

Speaker 24 Oh, oh my God.

Speaker 24 Oh my God.

Speaker 24 And I knew it.

Speaker 2 I knew that when you said the city should put garbage in garbage cans, they would come after you.

Speaker 11 I knew it and they did. They did.

Speaker 2 I mean, unless there was some other reason why they indicted you.

Speaker 26 The indictment reads like lifestyles of the rich and famous, describing a politician who wanted to travel beyond his means and did so with the help of Turkish nationals.

Speaker 12 On numerous occasions, the mayor would fly on Turkish Airlines, which is primarily owned by the Turkish government. In October 2016, they purchased economy tickets valued at just over $2,200

Speaker 12 and received free upgrades to business class worth about $15,000.

Speaker 12 In 2017, Adams, a family member and a staff member, accepted free business class tickets worth more than $35,000.

Speaker 2 Let me get this straight.

Speaker 2 I've heard of politicians getting paid off in bags of cash and fancy cars and gold bars, but this is the first time I've heard of selling out the city to get medallion status on Turkish Airlines.

Speaker 2 I mean, come on, buddy. If you want to get bumped up to first class, just say you found a pube in your pretzels.
It works every time. Every time.

Speaker 2 And if you're wondering, isn't Turkish Air an inconvenient airline to have your bribes paid in? You're right.

Speaker 27 According to the indictment, Adams insisted on flying Turkish Air through Istanbul, even if it was out of the way.

Speaker 27 When his girlfriend asked if he wanted to vacation in Chile, he repeatedly asked her whether Turkish Airlines flew there from New York City.

Speaker 2 Ugh, our mayor is bad at crime and geography.

Speaker 2 Oh my God, God, this isn't just embarrassing as a mayor. This is embarrassing as a boyfriend.

Speaker 2 Hey, baby, Hawaii sounds fun, but what about a three-hour layover in Istanbul and then Estonia?

Speaker 2 It is the Hawaii of Eastern Europe.

Speaker 2 So Turkish Airlines is the quid. Wait till you hear the pro quo.

Speaker 28 The indictment detailing an alleged quid pro quo writing that Adams intervened with the FDNY to permit the Turkish consulate to occupy a skyscraper that had not passed a fire safety inspection.

Speaker 2 This is the worst bribery deal ever.

Speaker 2 Listen, if you slit me a couple hundred grand, I'll make double sure there's no fire extinguishers in your building. You can thank me later.

Speaker 2 This is so upsetting. It's a sad day in New York City when foreign nations are bribing the mayor to rush permits.
That is the mob's mob's job. Okay, those should be American bribes.

Speaker 2 American!

Speaker 2 Now a lot of politicians are saying Adams should resign or at least hide his face in shame, but what do real New Yorkers say?

Speaker 23 Think he should resign?

Speaker 2 I think so. He's not good.
He deserved to get out.

Speaker 24 He's always been a mayor.

Speaker 24 There's going to be another one.

Speaker 23 What's the big deal?

Speaker 23 Wow.

Speaker 2 New Yorkers feel the same way about their mayor as most people do about the Fast and Furious movies. They're all bad and there is definitely going to be another one.

Speaker 2 Maybe one reason New Yorkers aren't too worried about their mayor being indicted is that we understand the city government is so much more than just one person.

Speaker 2 The Adams administration is full of civil servants doing their job honorably, like the police commissioner.

Speaker 29 Embattled NYPD Commissioner Edward Caban was forced to resign amid a federal investigation into influence peddling involving his twin brother.

Speaker 2 Okay, so the police commissioner also had a scandal. Well, you can always get another police commissioner.

Speaker 2 Just days after being appointed, interim NYPD Commissioner, Tom Donlin's homes have been raided by the feds.

Speaker 2 Okay, police aren't everything.

Speaker 2 It's the school system that matters. Schools Chancellor David Banks becomes the latest appointee to announce his departure as he faces scrutiny after FBI agents seized his cell phones.

Speaker 2 Not the chancellor.

Speaker 6 Who will make sure the schools are canceled?

Speaker 2 Jesus, is there anyone in this administration who isn't under investigation? Banks is among at least 15 other members of the administration that are currently under investigation.

Speaker 2 Banks, his two brothers, Phil and Terrence, as well as his fiancée, Deputy Mayor Sheena Wright.

Speaker 23 Agents searched the home of Adams chief fundraiser Breonna Suggs. New York City Sheriff Anthony Miranda and his office are being investigated over money confiscated from illegal pot shops.

Speaker 23 Investigators searched the homes of Winnie Greco, the director of Asian Affairs.

Speaker 30 A senior aide to Mayor Adams, Tim Pearson. Were there any kind of kickbacks going on?

Speaker 31 Business dealings between Frank Carone, the one-time chief of staff to Mayor Adams, and a monsignor named Jamie Gigantiella.

Speaker 2 Oh my God.

Speaker 2 Fox News was right. Crime really is out of control in New York.

Speaker 2 But this is actually kind of impressive. Adams has assembled multiple branches of an administration all committed to a shared vision of breaking the law.

Speaker 2 I can't even get my coworkers to go apple picking with me.

Speaker 14 Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 14 Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus.

Speaker 1 This has been a Comedy Central podcast.