TDS Time Machine | The Supreme Court

Speaker 1 You're listening to Comedy Central.

Speaker 3 Tonight, we saw both candidates speak in reaction to last night's Supreme Court ruling.

Speaker 4 The ruling was a spectacular thing to behold, actually.

Speaker 3 The decision was handing down in a manner befitting the stature and reverence that this nation holds for our Supreme Court.

Speaker 6 The U.S. Supreme Court has reversed the decision of the Florida Supreme Court.

Speaker 7 Here we go to go.

Speaker 8 By the way, I'm going to guess that guy, that guy's an intern.

Speaker 4 Reporters from all the networks struggle to interpret the minutia.

Speaker 10 He says there's no justification for denying the state the opportunity to count all the disputed ballots now, and that's why I dissent.

Speaker 3 But not everybody was able to keep up.

Speaker 10 They don't come right out and say anywhere, but listen to Justice Souter.

Speaker 11 Come on, Dan, pull it together. What you're with, pursuant to.
I don't get any of this. My old Pete keeps talking.

Speaker 12 I'll just furrow my brow.

Speaker 7 Come on, brow.

Speaker 7 Now,

Speaker 13 our correspondents...

Speaker 8 Oh, that's awfully kind of you.

Speaker 9 Our correspondents were among the media throng down in Washington. We're going to go to the Supreme Court and Steve Carell.

Speaker 1 Steve!

Speaker 7 Yeah, okay.

Speaker 14 Steve Carell.

Speaker 15 Okay, that's interesting. That's good.

Speaker 16 Yeah, Steve.

Speaker 15 Okay, just a second, John.

Speaker 18 What can you tell us about...

Speaker 15 Wait a sec, John. Thank you.

Speaker 15 Yeah, I'd like the General Gow's chicken.

Speaker 15 Not too spicy.

Speaker 15 Thanks.

Speaker 19 Yes, John. Steve,

Speaker 20 don't you have the brief?

Speaker 15 The Supreme Court brief?

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 15 No.

Speaker 8 Well, why don't you go inside and get a copy?

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 9 You know, the two candidates,

Speaker 18 the two candidates were said to have spent the evening poring over the complex and detailed Supreme Court ruling.

Speaker 9 But whereas Gore was pouring over it with his eyes and mind, Bush was pouring a glass of juice over it because, quote, I don't want to finish my juice.

Speaker 22 Now,

Speaker 18 this 5-4 Supreme Court decision included a very harshly worded dissent by Justice John Paul Stevens, who wrote, quote, though we may never know with complete certainty the identity of the winner of this year's presidential election, The identity of the loser is perfectly clear.

Speaker 18 It is the nation's confidence in the judge as an impartial guardian of the rule of law.

Speaker 18 Let's go out to Vance to Generous live at the campaign headquarters for the nation's confidence in the judge as impartial guardian of the rule of law.

Speaker 18 Vance, Judge Stevens pronounced the nation's confidence in the judge as an impartial guardian of the rule of law the loser tonight.

Speaker 17 What's the mood like down there?

Speaker 26 Well, John, it's pretty quiet, somber, a lot of reflection going on.

Speaker 26 The nation's confidence in the judge as an impartial guardian of the rule of law is expected to come out any minute now and make its concession speech.

Speaker 26 Now, the folks here are disappointed, but say they're prepared to work with their opponents and bring the nation together behind the idea that judges are partisan pawns beholden only to their own prejudices.

Speaker 26 Which, by all accounts, ran a great race and deserves to celebrate tonight.

Speaker 3 Thank you very much, Mance.

Speaker 8 We appreciate it. Now,

Speaker 28 as we come back, I have word.

Speaker 9 I'm sorry, I'm getting worried now.

Speaker 8 I'm getting word now. We can go back to Steve Carell.

Speaker 3 He's by now had a chance to digest that ruling.

Speaker 8 Steve, what can you tell us about this Supreme Court decision?

Speaker 15 This is a complicated decision and it reveals a very divided court. Not only was this a five-to-four ruling, it was a very close five-to-four ruling.

Speaker 8 How so, Steve?

Speaker 15 Well, my sources tell me O'Connor sided with the conservatives fairly readily but the other swing vote Justice Kennedy was extremely torn.

Speaker 15 In fact a friend of mine who clerks for Kennedy passed along this CAT scan of the justice's brain taken during deliberations.

Speaker 15 As you can see Gore locked up the justices cerebellum and orbital operculum while the lateral sulcus and cerebral peduncle were bush country.

Speaker 15 But if you look at the southeast portion right here, you can see Justice Kennedy's all-important occipital lobe was simply too close to call.

Speaker 15 Bottom line, both sides claimed victory in Justice Kennedy's occipital lobe.

Speaker 4 Well now, if both sides claimed victory there, what wound up happening?

Speaker 15 Well, it got very nasty in there. George W.

Speaker 15 Bush was ultimately awarded Kennedy's occipital lobe and in turn the presidency, all because of a tiny cluster of 537 ganglia occupying less than 100,000th of a square inch.

Speaker 4 Well, certainly not much of a mandate there, huh, Steve?

Speaker 7 No, no, it isn't, John.

Speaker 24 Not at all.

Speaker 15 A few neurons.

Speaker 7 Horrifying, just horrifying.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 18 Hey, thank you, Steve. You stay warm down there, okay?

Speaker 15 Oh, I can't feel my feet. Okay.

Speaker 30 Although controlling your political message may soon get even trickier, as on Thursday, this bombshell dropped.

Speaker 6 The U.S. Supreme Court today overturned laws on the books for nearly a century and ruled that corporations can spend freely now on political campaigns.

Speaker 31 Yeah, let that sink in.

Speaker 32 Corporations will now be able to spend money to influence politics.

Speaker 14 I I don't even want to think about what that might look like.

Speaker 32 The ruling once again highlights the forbidden dance between theory and practice.

Speaker 32 The theory is, as the court explains, Congress may not prohibit political speech, even if the speaker is a corporation or union.

Speaker 32 And prohibitions on corporate independent expenditures is a ban on speech.

Speaker 23 Corporations and unions, they're people, just like you and me, but without mouths.

Speaker 18 So they can only talk through their

Speaker 1 wallet cords.

Speaker 30 It's a nice theory.

Speaker 32 Now, companies are allowed to spend as much money as they want directly producing campaign ads for candidates. That means our future looks bright.

Speaker 33 What's up?

Speaker 34 It's me, the E-Trade baby, here to tell you about the stock market because I wasn't aborted.

Speaker 34 You know, think how much money you would have lost if I had been aborted and wasn't here to tell you about E-Trade. So don't vote for Diane Feinstein.
You know, she wants me dead.

Speaker 35 At E-Trade. Let's go.

Speaker 22 That is a cute baby!

Speaker 29 For more on this landmark decision, return to senior business analyst John.

Speaker 36 John Oliver, are you okay?

Speaker 37 I'm sorry.

Speaker 38 Have you been crying?

Speaker 19 Are you all right?

Speaker 36 What a day, John.

Speaker 38 What a day.

Speaker 36 With this historic ruling, the last bastion of discrimination in this country has come toppling down.

Speaker 36 For too long, John, corporations have suffered under the yoke of laws, stripped of the basic freedoms freedoms and dignity guaranteed by our founders.

Speaker 13 It's been a long,

Speaker 38 long time coming.

Speaker 19 Can I tell you?

Speaker 38 Wait, change, gon' come, now go.

Speaker 23 You really have a terrible voice.

Speaker 25 You're saying corporations have been denied wealth.

Speaker 32 Yes, brother.

Speaker 36 But this did not come easy. Who can forget the Million Logo March when companies from across the country descended on Washington, their brands brands crying out for equality.

Speaker 36 And of course, there were the brave leaders of that movement, inspiring their brethren with their actions, such as the Pillsbury Doughboy in his 32-week hunger strike.

Speaker 38 Today, that doe boy became a doe man.

Speaker 38 For the first time in history, corporations can walk with their heads held high, having left their mark on American democracy.

Speaker 36 This is a huge victory, John, not just for conglomerates, but all of their fellow citizens.

Speaker 30 You know, I'm sorry, John, I refuse to accept that corporations should have the same protections as people.

Speaker 19 John, please, open your heart.

Speaker 36 Corporations are an oppressed minority, forced to move headquarters from state to state in search of friendlier tax codes. Sometimes being forced to live just off our shores in tiny mailboxes.

Speaker 36 Even having to change their name to escape persecution.

Speaker 13 It breaks my heart, but it's happened time and time again.

Speaker 17 But John, that was Philip Morris.

Speaker 30 They voluntarily changed their name to Altra because they become synonymous with giving people cancer.

Speaker 29 The problem with corporations is their sole motivation is profit. They don't have souls.

Speaker 14 They're not people.

Speaker 38 Well, this just got awkward.

Speaker 36 John, what if I were to tell you that you were sitting next to a corporation right now?

Speaker 31 You're a corporation? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 36 John Oliver Worldwide Enterprises, a subsidiary of Oliver Corp.

Speaker 30 But you, John Oliver, the person, have rights.

Speaker 20 Why should your corporate entity...

Speaker 36 Oh, John, John, if you prick my corporation, does it not bleed?

Speaker 13 No, it does not.

Speaker 36 If you deprive us of water, do we not thirst?

Speaker 29 Just give your employees water.

Speaker 38 Please, not bottled.

Speaker 36 Come on, they can get a cup of water at the commissary.

Speaker 19 Look,

Speaker 29 to set up corporate oligarchs as those.

Speaker 19 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 38 Did you just drop the O-bomb? You did not just drop the O-bomb with me. That did not just happen here.

Speaker 36 We can say that to each other.

Speaker 13 You can't say that to us.

Speaker 22 We have rights now, John.

Speaker 14 You have more rights than people now.

Speaker 39 Corporations can merge with one another.

Speaker 23 Gay people can't do that. They can't get married.

Speaker 40 But corporations can marry, but gay people can't please.

Speaker 19 that.

Speaker 19 It's free madness.

Speaker 36 That is for good reason. It's AT ⁇ T, not AT and Steve.

Speaker 41 Call down.

Speaker 22 Call down.

Speaker 32 This is ridiculous.

Speaker 37 Let's not even, please.

Speaker 36 What I'm saying, John, is thank God. With the Supreme Court's decision, I no longer have to put up with this.

Speaker 20 What are you doing?

Speaker 36 Yeah, well, I'm doing what I should have done a long time ago with my unlimited funds. I've purchased part of this show.

Speaker 38 Roll it, Chuck.

Speaker 43 Jon Stewart says that if you make money in this country, you don't deserve a voice. Probably so you can't cry for help while Jon Stewart is molesting you.

Speaker 44 Oliver Corp has a better way. We've been working to harness the world's energy to keep children safe.
After all, shouldn't we live in a world where everyone can be heard?

Speaker 43 And not molested by Jon Stewart?

Speaker 19 We at Oliver Corp certainly think so.

Speaker 22 Yep.

Speaker 21 Yep. That's.

Speaker 28 What? That's not fair.

Speaker 13 What do you think is not fair? I've paid for this.

Speaker 30 If you wanted to talk, you should have purchased your own time slot.

Speaker 14 You're calling me a molester. You can't say that.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 36 I think I just did. But if you do have a rebuttal, John, you're free to incorporate and accumulate enough wealth to continue this discussion, which I would encourage you to do.
I believe Molester Co.

Speaker 36 is still available.

Speaker 38 Thank you very much.

Speaker 17 Last week was amazing.

Speaker 32 All right, we all know the country's been a bit of a rough patch lately. The,

Speaker 31 I believe it's referred to.

Speaker 45 But then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, Confederate flags start coming down. Supreme Court decisions supporting health care, fair housing, marriage equality.

Speaker 39 It was a display stunning.

Speaker 20 It was a display stunning in its alacrity and its completeness.

Speaker 30 Traditionally victimized communities granted the legal dignity that had been denied them so many years, truly a moment of joy.

Speaker 19 Or, or, or.

Speaker 32 To put that another way.

Speaker 10 Today, some of the darkest 24 hours in our nation's history.

Speaker 32 They're not booing, they're saying, cruise.

Speaker 32 What, why?

Speaker 14 What is wrong?

Speaker 39 The darkest 24.

Speaker 14 What is wrong?

Speaker 32 The insurance exchanges remain open, sir, and committed same-sex couples can form lifelong societies stabilizing legally recognized bonds. Truly, Voldemort has risen.

Speaker 23 And the living will envy the dead.

Speaker 14 What? What is your worldview?

Speaker 31 And of course, we need not take seriously the hyperbolic, apocalyptic rantings of a

Speaker 32 sitting United States Senator.

Speaker 21 Luckily for Senator Cruz, there were other survivors of

Speaker 32 good news Mageddon.

Speaker 47 It is a huge loss for a democracy.

Speaker 48 They essentially turned the U.S. Constitution on its head and, I believe, put a nail in the democratic process.

Speaker 33 There will be an effort to force people people to conform.

Speaker 50 This is redefining a fundamental institution.

Speaker 2 Suppose three people say, we want to be a marriage. We're three people, and we love each other, and we want to be married.
What's to prevent that under this?

Speaker 19 Because

Speaker 19 people aren't born polygamists.

Speaker 32 You know, I knew even when I was five, I was different.

Speaker 32 While the other boys played with trucks and army men, I was figuring out bed-sharing schedules with Michael DeWise.

Speaker 21 Not that there aren't real victims here.

Speaker 12 What happens to a florist who doesn't want to provide flowers to a gay wedding?

Speaker 51 Are they going to be forced either out of business, like the florists, the caterers?

Speaker 50 There have been evangelical florists and bakers around the country who are coerced. Where does it stop? Enough!

Speaker 1 I am so tired of this old trope, this old stereotype about anti-gay florists.

Speaker 1 It's all we ever hear about.

Speaker 29 Anti-gay florists.

Speaker 45 Let me tell you something. Are some florists anti-gay?

Speaker 39 Of course, there's truth in every stereotype.

Speaker 29 Just like some Scotsmen are stingy and some Frenchmen wear striped shirts and carry around long breads.

Speaker 28 But not

Speaker 16 all florists hate gay people.

Speaker 8 And it's time we accept that.

Speaker 20 The really weird part of the conservative reaction is when it stops being about the court making this decision and starts criticizing the idea of the court making any decision.

Speaker 2 Rick Centorum said, today, five unelected judges redefine the foundational unit of society.

Speaker 51 And what a crazy system to have the most important issues of our day decided by unelected lawyers.

Speaker 50 Five unelected black-robed lawyers rule. That is not the America that our founding fathers created.

Speaker 14 Then why did they put that article in the Constitution?

Speaker 29 So why would that was them

Speaker 29 That

Speaker 38 this is the stupidest.

Speaker 31 So the founding fathers come up with this unbelievable idea for a country, right?

Speaker 32 Then some jackass

Speaker 30 throws in something about co-equal branch of government possesses judicial review over the constitutionality of legislation.

Speaker 25 And the founding fathers come in the next day and they're like, who the f ⁇ with this idiot?

Speaker 40 What is this?

Speaker 17 I told you we had Article 1, 2, and 4.

Speaker 14 I don't know what three is.

Speaker 29 I don't know what that is. I didn't write that.

Speaker 14 What is wrong?

Speaker 39 Even some on the Supreme Court seem shocked that there is a Supreme Court.

Speaker 53 John Roberts quote: The majority's decision is an act of will, not legal judgment. The right it announces has no basis in the Constitution or this court's precedent.

Speaker 54 Adding, just who do we think we are?

Speaker 32 Perhaps it's time we go back to when a Supreme Court was just a court with extra sour cream.

Speaker 22 Did you know that that was the original court?

Speaker 13 The original Supreme Court.

Speaker 21 The original Supreme Court was a court with extra sour cream.

Speaker 32 I'm a good history teacher.

Speaker 32 And of course, Justice Alito had to get in his arguments against the

Speaker 32 progress of humankind.

Speaker 53 Here is what Justice Alito said in his dissent.

Speaker 53 I assume that those who cling to old beliefs will be able to whisper their thoughts in the recesses of their homes, but if they repeat those views in public, they will risk being labeled as bigots and treated as such by governments, employers, and schools.

Speaker 14 Right.

Speaker 22 Oh, you mean that like it's a bad thing?

Speaker 39 Not for nothing. I'd still like to be able to call ladies sugar tits without people going, you know,

Speaker 45 hey, slow down there, Uncle Creepy. That's your cardiologist.

Speaker 39 I mean, you know, know, why can't we just continue disliking and shunning the people we've always disliked and shunned?

Speaker 30 Everybody was always okay with it, but them.

Speaker 32 Look, justices, senators, your problem isn't judicial activism or overreach or politically correct policing.

Speaker 46 Your problem here is bald-faced, out-in-the-open, common-sense experience.

Speaker 37 That's why you're not going to win the marriage equality fight, this.

Speaker 56 Let's talk about same-sex marriage.

Speaker 47 I'm traditional marriage.

Speaker 56 but what do you say to

Speaker 56 a lesbian who's married or a gay man who's married who says Donald Trump what's traditional about being married three times well I they have a very good point

Speaker 22 yes they do that's the point

Speaker 39 you're not gonna win the marriage equality fight because even a man pathologically disposed to not understand other people's points of view

Speaker 25 unless it is also labeled Trump.

Speaker 23 Even he gets it.

Speaker 25 Not that he doesn't try and set aside what went wrong with tradition in his particular case.

Speaker 12 But, you know, I've been a very hard-working person.

Speaker 47 My two wives were very good. And I don't blame them.
I blame myself because my business was so powerful for me.

Speaker 21 Here's what I'm telling you.

Speaker 25 I am for traditional marriage, but to be fair, the Trump business is hotter than any wife could possibly be.

Speaker 22 Wouldn't you f ⁇ one of my golf courses? I think you would.

Speaker 22 All 18 holes.

Speaker 23 You'd come back for more.

Speaker 17 Let's talk about the Supreme Court, the only place where wearing a robe makes you more powerful.

Speaker 17 The Supreme Court is one of the oldest institutions in American society. And after 230 years, it's finally getting a fresh new face.

Speaker 57 Judge Katanji Brown Jackson cementing her place in history, becoming the first black woman to be confirmed to the Supreme Court.

Speaker 58 On this vote, the yeas are 53, the nays are 47,

Speaker 58 and this nomination is confirmed.

Speaker 57 Cheers erupting in the chamber. Over at the White House, President Biden watching that final tally come in with the judge by his side.

Speaker 60 And this nomination is confirmed.

Speaker 7 All right.

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 7 Oh, wow.

Speaker 52 He didn't know.

Speaker 7 Oh, wow.

Speaker 7 Oh, I'm like.

Speaker 17 This is exciting, people. Finally, a black woman will be on the Supreme Court.

Speaker 17 Wow!

Speaker 17 Wow!

Speaker 17 And this is happening just in time for the court to eliminate all rights for black people and women.

Speaker 52 What a moment.

Speaker 17 No, this is really incredible, man. Think about it.
She will now be the most powerful black woman in the country to have her opinions entirely dismissed by two-thirds of her coworkers.

Speaker 16 Wow!

Speaker 17 This is huge. And by the way, for anyone who wondered how much of an impact Katanji Brown Jackson would have, well, she made history from the moment she was confirmed.

Speaker 59 As Democrats rose to their feet with applause, Republicans headed for the door.

Speaker 57 Mitt Romney of Utah, one of three Republicans to vote yes, standing alone, the only GOP senator clapping.

Speaker 23 Rayleigh?

Speaker 33 Really?

Speaker 50 You know what?

Speaker 17 First of all, kudos to Mitt Romney.

Speaker 10 Damn man.

Speaker 10 He's like,

Speaker 17 just decorum, you know?

Speaker 17 All those other assholes, think about it. The first black woman since this country was founded gets confirmed to the Supreme Court and you can't find it in you to stay and clap.

Speaker 17 Just clap. Even like a.

Speaker 17 Yeah, I'm not saying you got to throw your panties on the stage or anything. Just show some respect.

Speaker 17 Just some respect. Those Republicans ran out of the room like someone was handing out free N-word passes in the lobby.

Speaker 7 Oh boy. Oh boy.

Speaker 40 I've always wanted to say that word.

Speaker 16 Oh boy.

Speaker 17 In public.

Speaker 17 Why would you leave? No one ever leaves. It doesn't matter whether they like the person or not.
Why would you leave? The first black woman and that's when you're going to leave?

Speaker 17 I mean, luckily, luckily, the Republican Hissiford couldn't spoil this historic moment, you know, because it's not every day that a black person in America gets sent to a court they actually deserve to be in.

Speaker 17 And on Friday, KBJ she took her victory lap at the White House.

Speaker 52 Tonight, celebrating history on the high court, Judge Katanji Brown Jackson at a moment centuries in the making.

Speaker 61 It has taken 232 years and 115 prior appointments for a black woman to be selected to serve on the Supreme Court of the United States.

Speaker 54 But we've made it.

Speaker 52 Jackson, a history maker and a barrier breaker, reciting the poetic words of Maya Angelou.

Speaker 61 I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

Speaker 52 And casting this as a moment in which all Americans can take great pride.

Speaker 61 We have come a long way toward perfecting our union.

Speaker 61 In my family, it took just one generation to go from segregation to the Supreme Court of the United States.

Speaker 17 From segregation to the Supreme Court. Woo!

Speaker 24 That was a line.

Speaker 17 I almost feel like if you're a black person who succeeds, you've got double the pressure on you, you know?

Speaker 17 Yeah, because you don't just have to perform, you've also got to come up with dope lines when you get the job. From segregation to the Supreme Court.

Speaker 14 What? Woo!

Speaker 17 That was powerful. And that quote from Maya Angelou, all of it was fire.
I mean, especially when you consider Brett Kavanaugh's celebration where he just quoted the words of Captain Morgan.

Speaker 17 And by the way, by the way, props to President Biden for rocking those aviators during that speech.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 17 Way to make a historic moment look like a deleted scene from Top Gun, Mr. President.

Speaker 17 You know Biden only breaks those out when he's feeling his swagger.

Speaker 42 He's just like, oh yeah.

Speaker 17 Or when his eyes are bleeding again. You never know which one it is.
You never know.

Speaker 17 Let's get right into it. For the past few decades, conservatives in America have been chipping away at women's reproductive rights.
And a few days ago, they put the final nail in the coffin.

Speaker 64 Tonight, the landmark ruling, the Supreme Court overturning Roe v.

Speaker 64 Wade, taking away the constitutional right to abortion, the historic 5-4 decision, overturning nearly 50 years of abortion rights, leaving the matter up to states now to decide.

Speaker 52 The ruling does not make abortion illegal, but it's no longer a constitutional right, so that leaves the issue up to each state. It's likely to become illegal soon in about half the nation.

Speaker 52 Some states have already banned it as of tonight. The rest of the banned states are likely to follow in the coming weeks.

Speaker 17 That's right. The Supreme Court has officially overturned.
Roe v. Wade.
And look, I know we expected it because the decision was leaked back in May, but that doesn't make it any better. You know?

Speaker 17 It's kind of like when as a kid, you were acting up in the grocery store and your mom would tell you, oh, I'm going to whip your ass when we get home.

Speaker 17 Yeah, you weren't like, oh, sweet, I'm glad she told me first.

Speaker 42 That'll soften the blow.

Speaker 17 Because in some ways, it almost made it worse. We got to dread the day, and now that day is here.
And honestly, it's kind of surreal.

Speaker 17 For 50 years, 50 years, women in America have had a constitutional right to an abortion. And now, just like that, the Supreme Court has decided that it's finished.

Speaker 17 And by the way, the Constitution didn't change.

Speaker 17 Nicholas Cage didn't find a lost passage inside of a pyramid somewhere.

Speaker 17 The only thing that changed is that Donald Trump, of all people, managed to appoint three pro-life justices to the Supreme Court.

Speaker 17 Judges who, by the way, went on and on in their confirmation hearings about how much they respect the important precedent of Roe versus Wade.

Speaker 17 And we all knew they were full of shit too.

Speaker 17 Because, I mean, that's the same line you use whenever you book an Airbnb.

Speaker 14 I would never throw a party.

Speaker 40 Party? Party. Am I even saying that right?

Speaker 38 Party?

Speaker 17 By the way, there's a hot tub in this house, yeah?

Speaker 17 It seems like the only people on the planet who didn't realize what was happening were Joe Manchin and Susan Collins, who now say that they were tricked. Tricked, I tell you, by these judges.

Speaker 17 And by the way, why does Susan Collins never get tricked into improving healthcare or solving climate change, huh? Yeah? She's never like, oh, damn it, I accidentally cancelled student loan debt.

Speaker 17 Get it together, Susan!

Speaker 17 And if the overturning wasn't bad enough, Justice QAnon himself, Clarence Thomas, wrote that he wants the court to reconsider the rights to gay marriage, gay sex, and contraception.

Speaker 17 Yeah, imagine that. This dude is so extreme.
He's talking about banning rights I didn't even realize could be banned.

Speaker 17 He's going to be reading the newspaper like, Justice Thomas wants to ban the right to engage in nipple play?

Speaker 38 what

Speaker 17 like at some point you're not even a judge anymore you're just a cock block in a fancy robe that's all you are

Speaker 17 and by the way by the way the one ruling clarence thomas doesn't want to overturn and all the others that he mentioned is the right to interracial marriage yeah which uh is a coincidence because he happens to be in an interracial marriage.

Speaker 17 Yeah, I guess apparently if something affects Clarence Thomas personally, he's okay with it.

Speaker 17 Makes me think if we could just somehow get him impregnated by like a gay man, all of our problems would be solved.

Speaker 17 And by the way, that's just a joke. I know there's some right-wing pundits who's going to be like, is Trevor Noah threatening to sodomize and impregnate a Supreme Court justice?

Speaker 17 Is that what he's doing?

Speaker 17 There are people standing outside his house right now with a penis. Is that what he's doing? No, it's a joke.
Calm down.

Speaker 19 Now,

Speaker 17 despite the Supreme Court ruling to overturn Roe v. Wade, that doesn't mean people in America want abortion outlawed.
And

Speaker 17 the reaction to Friday's ruling showed just how out of step the Supreme Court actually is.

Speaker 49 From Los Angeles to Cleveland.

Speaker 49 And Huntsville, Alabama.

Speaker 49 Americans took to the streets nationwide over the weekend.

Speaker 65 The protests largely peaceful. Gatherings once again outside the justices' D.C.
area homes Friday and stretching from coast to coast today.

Speaker 33 Thousands of pro-abortion rights activists jammed New York City traffic for hours, others blocking a Los Angeles freeway.

Speaker 63 This decision

Speaker 63 is an outrage.

Speaker 60 This decision is absolutely terrifying, but more than anything, it just makes me angry.

Speaker 17 Yeah, that's right. From New York to New Mexico, millions around the country are furious and rightfully so.

Speaker 17 Because women in America just lost control over their own bodies, which I don't care who you are, is a horrifying thing to be faced with.

Speaker 17 I mean, Rudy Giuliani called the cops because someone touched his back without permission. Imagine if someone forced him to give birth, huh?

Speaker 17 I mean, someone would have to have sex with him first, but you get the point.

Speaker 17 You understand what I'm saying?

Speaker 17 And after half a century of having that right, it's now being taken away, which is especially crazy when you consider that countries like Mexico and Ireland are moving forward in the opposite direction.

Speaker 17 You do realize how weird that is, right? Ireland has had violent conflicts between Christians and other Christians.

Speaker 17 And even they are looking at America like, don't you think you're taking it a wee bit too far with the Jesus stuff? It's a little bit too crazy, don't you think?

Speaker 17 So the Supreme Court is shutting everything down. People are rising up in the streets, and the Democrats, well, they responded in a way that only the Democrats can.

Speaker 54 Democrats are already looking to November. They have fundraising emails going out in response to this decision.
They have a new website up.

Speaker 66 Speaker Nancy Pelosi looked downcast when she began her press conference.

Speaker 62 I am personally overwhelmed by this decision. From time to time, I quote

Speaker 62 this poem, I have no other country, even though my land is burning.

Speaker 63 Michigan Congressman Andy Levin tweeted a photo of himself in a yoga pose, saying, quote, in a moment of intense anger, I turn inward. Let us release toxicity.

Speaker 17 I feel like that's the perfect yoga pose for Democratic leadership.

Speaker 17 Very little action, and your head is basically up your own ass.

Speaker 17 Because I don't know if anybody voted for the performative aspect. People just want things done.

Speaker 17 No one cares about Kente cloths or singing on the Capitol steps, and especially not poetry.

Speaker 17 I feel like any moment now, Chuck Schumer is going to throw in a fake pregnant belly and just take a knee in the Capitol, be like, we are all pregnant now and we're standing together.

Speaker 17 Why do Democrats do this? Why do they do this? Not once have I seen Mitch McConnell come out and sing a song about how overwhelmed he is. He just gets things done.

Speaker 24 He never comes out like, oh nobody knows the trouble I've seen.

Speaker 30 No.

Speaker 17 Every time he used his power to make a new rule, in fact, that presidents can't appoint judges if it's an election year and they're black, well I didn't make him black, that was his dad.

Speaker 17 In fact, watching the Democrats' response and knowing, knowing that they had multiple opportunities to get ahead of this, this it made me think maybe voters should change things up you know maybe you should do a new thing in America instead of fundraising emails maybe you should do fund rewarding emails right yeah make the Democrats show you what they've done and then you donate to their cause instead of them being like donate we'll do something and then they don't what are they doing

Speaker 17 it's the same reason

Speaker 17 It's the same reason I don't pay my barber before he does the job. Yeah, he'll get his money after I see what he does with my hairline.
I'm not making that mistake again.

Speaker 17 And now, please, don't get me wrong.

Speaker 38 Don't get me wrong.

Speaker 17 I'm not saying the Democrats are doing nothing in response to this ruling.

Speaker 17 The Biden administration has said that it would fight any attempt to restrict access to abortion pills, regardless of state laws, and they'll protect people who travel out of state to get a legal abortion.

Speaker 17 Plus, the Senate Judiciary Committee says that they're going to hold a hearing next month to explore its options.

Speaker 19 Yeah.

Speaker 17 Yeah, so they're coming through with both too little and too late. Very nice, very nice.

Speaker 28 The full range.

Speaker 17 Oh, and in case, and in case you're wondering what Republican lawmakers think of telling women what they should do with their own bodies, well, they're celebrating the win of small government over the people.

Speaker 50 Cheers from anti-abortion rights advocates, some celebrating the decision they've been working toward for decades.

Speaker 35 We are the post-broad generation!

Speaker 41 Over the weekend, President Trump took a victory lap on his conservative court appointments at a rally with Republican House member Mary Miller, who made these controversial comments.

Speaker 67 I want to thank you for the historic victory for white life in the Supreme Court yesterday.

Speaker 27 A Utah state legislator is under fire for her remarks defending Utah's new abortion ban.

Speaker 60 And my response is, I do trust women enough to control when they allow a man to ejaculate. So inside of them and to control that intake of semen.

Speaker 38 I'm sorry.

Speaker 17 Did she say women should control their intake of semen?

Speaker 17 How?

Speaker 17 By turning the little tap that's on the top of the penis?

Speaker 17 Was that turning that?

Speaker 17 Ah, that's enough. I don't want to get too pregnant.
Ah! Ah!

Speaker 17 That other woman with Trump, that was even worse. She literally thanked Trump for saving white life.

Speaker 17 And to be fair, to be fair, she later said that she misspoke and meant to say right to life.

Speaker 19 But, okay, here's the thing.

Speaker 17 Even if she misspoke, she still just kept on talking without fixing it. It's like she heard herself call it a victory for white life and thought, yeah, that sounds like something I would say.
Yeah.

Speaker 17 Let's stick with that. What's even worse is that the Trump supporters applauded her.

Speaker 17 Even if we give her the benefit of the doubts, the reaction from the crowd is pretty telling, right? I mean, it's one thing for a person to accidentally rip a fart in an elevator,

Speaker 17 but it's way worse if everyone else in the elevator goes,

Speaker 17 oh yeah, yeah, that's the good stuff. Yeah, we like that.

Speaker 17 We like that a lot.

Speaker 17 So yeah.

Speaker 17 Pro-lifers are feeling pretty good right now.

Speaker 17 But if you think that Roe being dead is the end of the story, and you think the right-wingers is just going to take their Bibles and go home, think again, because they're saying that this is just the beginning.

Speaker 55 Some emboldened House Republicans want to take this one step further by pushing legislation to ban abortion at 15 weeks nationwide.

Speaker 55 We know that former Vice President Mike Pence, who wants to run for president, supports a nationwide ban on abortion.

Speaker 48 Another big question is over the abortion pill, as it's called. Some states may want to target that medication.

Speaker 52 In the states that ban abortion, it is illegal to get those pills from a doctor. And some states are trying to go further and also ban receiving the pills by mail from a state where they're legal.

Speaker 17 Yeah, you see, conservative extremists aren't going to stop fighting just because they got Roe overturned. They just won a huge victory.
Why would they quit now?

Speaker 17 When a team scores a touchdown, they don't just walk off the field congratulating each other, you know? I mean, the New York Jets do, but the rest of the teams, they keep trying to run up the score.

Speaker 17 And that's what these people have their sights set on. Because first it was no late-term abortions.
Oh, okay, fine, seems reasonable. Then it was no abortion after 23 weeks.

Speaker 17 Then 15 weeks, then six, now zero. What's next? Well, they're just going to make tiny little handcuffs to arrest every sperm that didn't fertilize an egg.
Is that it'll be?

Speaker 17 Maybe next time you'll think twice before ending up in a sock instead of a vagina, huh?

Speaker 17 And I know, I know many people around the country feel infuriated, depressed. and like there's no hope.
But there is. There really is.

Speaker 17 First of all, there are many organizations, grassroots organizations on the ground who have already been helping women who couldn't get an abortion because they lived in some of these most extreme states.

Speaker 17 So you can donate to them or you can volunteer. And as for the Democrats in power, there is something you can actually do.
Yeah, here, I actually wrote you a poem.

Speaker 17 Roses are red, violets are blue.

Speaker 17 The people voted, so how about doing your f ⁇ ing job and passing laws to codify contraception, marriage equality, and all the other rights the Supreme Court has basically threatened to take away?

Speaker 17 And so are you.

Speaker 28 Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 13 Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus.

Speaker 1 This has been a Comedy Central podcast.