Trump Blames Autism on Tylenol While Americans Prep for the Rapture on TikTok | John Fugelsang

You're listening to Comedy Central.

From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news.

This is the Daily Show with your host, Jordan Clever.

Welcome to the daily show of Jordan Club, but we got so much to talk about tonight.

The United Nations is a total dump.

None of us are going to heaven.

And the big question, are you putting too much liquid into your baby?

Let's get into headlines.

We are living in crazy times right now.

People are feeling worried and depressed.

However, there is some good news.

The world is ending.

The end is near.

At least that's what one corner of TikTok is claiming.

My fellow Christians out there, I want this video to help one another.

It's being called Rapture Talk, a convinced contingent of TikTok users who claim the rapture is happening today.

Some even claiming to be selling all their possessions.

One man says he got rid of his car.

I'm catching a flight to heaven in September anyway.

Oh, I need the car.

You're going to heaven without a car?

Good luck getting laid up there, buddy.

Listen, if I believed my earthly body was going to leave this worldly realm, my first reaction would not be to turn a profit on Carvana.

Come September, I will stand naked before my creator.

Are you interested in a 2017 Kia Sorrento?

By the way, I just want to say how unfair the TikTok algorithm is.

It's giving some people a heads up about the end of the world.

Mine is just all videos of guys power washing sidewalks.

And while some people may or may not depart this mortal coil, for those of us left behind, there is a lot of shit we have to deal with.

Chief among those, our president.

Yesterday, Donald Trump held a major press conference to announce the cause of autism, and also to announce that RFK Jr.

is officially a weirder color than him now.

It's just not natural.

Now, we've known for a while that this administration has wanted to blame autism on vaccines, but yesterday's big announcement came with a plot twist.

First, effective immediately, the FDA will be notifying physicians that the use of

acid,

well, let's see how we say that.

Acetaminophen.

acetaminophen

said okay

which is basically commonly known as tylenol

tylenol at least you finished strong

now i don't want to suggest there's been some disconcerting cognitive decline but back in 2020 that mofo could spit out hydroxychloroquine no problem

So everyone was waiting for Trump to blame autism on vaccines, but he zagged and blamed Tylenol, which is especially strange because nearly all health officials say there's no causal link between acetaminophen and autism.

However, Trump has his own recommendation.

Tylenol

during pregnancy can be associated with a very increased risk of autism.

So taking Tylenol

is

not good.

Don't take Tylenol.

Don't have your baby take Tylenol.

Don't take Tylenol.

There's no downside.

Don't take it.

Don't take Tylenol.

But with Tylenol, don't take it.

Nothing bad can happen.

It can only good happen.

Ask your doctor if it can only good happen for you.

Trump is so pissed at Tylenol, he's going to start bombing the pain reliever aisles at Walgreens.

Jokes on you, Trump.

even missiles can't get through that plexiglass.

You're gonna have to ring the customer service button like the rest of us.

You can tell Trump doesn't understand what a woman goes through during pregnancy.

But as a dad who didn't miss a single appointment, it's not true that only good can happen if you don't take Tylenol.

Not treating a pregnant woman's fever could cause irreparable harm before the baby comes out of her butt.

Read a parenting book, Trump.

And Trump wasn't just playing fast and loose with the cetaminophen.

He made sure to throw some anti-vax classics in there, too.

And by the way, I think I can say that there are certain groups of people that don't take vaccines and don't take any pills that have no autism.

That have no autism.

Does that tell you something?

That's currently, is that a correct statement, by the way?

No, but you

had fun out there and that's all that matters.

But you know, for the future, typically a president should check something before announcing it to the nation.

I mean, this is literally how they fact-check on the Joe Rogan experience.

If you have sex in space, your dick will actually explode because of gravity stuff.

Is that a correct statement?

So as we wait for the fact check,

let's hear some of the data you've collected.

You have certain groups, the Amish as an example.

They have essentially no autism.

It doesn't exist with the Amish community, and they don't take all of this junk.

It doesn't exist.

Are the Amish

the best control group for this?

So, based on the Amish, the cure for autism could either be not taking Tylenol or being scared of a Roomba.

Now, Trump didn't flat out say that kids shouldn't get vaccinated, but he did argue that the shot should be spread out rather than combined, and he had a very unusual explanation for why.

There's too much liquid.

Too many different things are going into that baby.

At too big a number.

You have a little child, little fragile child, and you get a...

a vat of 80 different vaccines, I guess.

And they pump so much stuff into those beautiful little babies.

It looks like they're pumping into a horse.

I'm sorry, they're pumping bats of liquid into the babies like horses.

Are you sure you were at the pediatrician's office and not the Kentucky Derby?

These poor babies, they inject them, hammer shoes on their feet, a little man rides them around in a circle.

It's inhumane!

Look, to me, doesn't sound like Donald Trump knows what he's talking about.

Presumably, he has done enough research on vaccines to be an expert at this point.

The MMR, I think, should be taken separately.

The

mumps, measles,

and

the three should be taken separately.

Yes, the MMR vaccine.

Mumps, measles, I want to say Ringo, probably.

Forget about taking them together.

Trump can't even say them together.

The whole point of this press conference was to finally give answers to families that have been desperate for decades.

So for everyone's sake, will you please give us some assurance that these bold claims are built on concrete evidence?

This is based on what I feel.

Damn it!

You know what?

I never thought I'd say this, but maybe we should all do our own research.

For more on Trump's autism presser and the Tylenol Fallout, we go live to the White House and Michael Costa.

Michael.

Michael, what's the latest?

To be honest, I haven't done any research because I

sort of thought I'd be raptured by now.

Come on, Michael, you don't even go to church.

Well, church is for losers, but I...

I'm a cool guy, and God doesn't just want to hang around with virgins and priests, you know?

He needs somebody to throw back some suds and toss the old pigskin around with.

Cool guy stuff.

That's me, Mikey Kay.

Okay, all right.

So can you tell us anything about how Tylenol is reacting to all of this?

Well, I'd imagine this is causing quite the headache for them, which sucks because they can't even take Tylenol for it.

Or they can, but they risk their child being excellent at jeopardy.

Well, Michael, wait, what do you think the concept...

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Michael, Michael, what's happening?

I can see through you.

Oh, shit.

It's happening.

I'm getting raptured.

Jordan.

Jordan.

It feels amazing.

It's like pooping, but I'm the one getting pooped.

No, you can't be getting raptured, Costa.

You're not rapture-worthy.

Well, I guess God disagrees.

Enjoy the apocalypse, bitch.

Oh shit!

OJ, what are you doing up here?

No,

I can't believe that.

This is such bullshit.

All right, whatever.

You know what?

I don't even care.

I don't even care.

Let's go to the CDC.

I guess I'll talk with Desi Lyda.

Yes, Desi!

So, Desi, Costa got raptured, so I guess I'll ask you about Tylenol.

Who the hell cares about Tylenol?

Costa got raptured?

How did Costa get raptured and not me?

I know, right?

We're way better than him.

Yeah, Jordan, he sends me porn at work.

And it's not even good porn.

I know.

Did he send you the one with the girl and the

golden retriever?

Yeah.

Yeah, now he's in heaven.

You know what?

Screw it.

If that's who gets raptured, I'd rather just stay right here with you.

Thank you, Desi.

I feel the same way.

We can make our own heaven right here.

Yes, yes, that's exactly right.

We are in this together.

You and me.

Trust me when I say I will never leave your.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

It's happening.

I thought I was going to have to spend eternity with Jordan Clever.

What happened to what we're in this together?

Yeah, that's before I knew I was better than you.

Enjoy the apocalypse, bitch.

Okay,

what are you doing up here?

Damn it.

Those bastards.

Is there anyone?

Is there anyone left?

You know what?

Okay.

I guess we can go to Tylenol's corporate headquarters if Josh Johnson is still there.

Josh.

Josh, are you there?

It's crazy.

Can you believe Costa was rapture-worthy?

Yeah, I can see it.

He was always really nice to me.

He sent me porn at work.

Look, it's just you and me now, Josh.

Just please stick with me.

I just want one friend, you know?

So, oh, no, are you kidding me?

You're disappearing?

What are you?

Are you getting raptured too?

Oh, this, no, I'm not getting raptured.

This is because my mom took Tylenol when she was pregnant with me.

Jordan, it's true what they say.

If you don't take it, it can only good happen.

Josh Johnson, David Lionek, Michael Constant, OJ Simpson.

I think, everyone, we come back.

Trump's at the UN.

Don't go away.

Your sausage mimuffin' with egg didn't change.

Your receipt did.

The sausage mcmuffin with egg extra value meal includes a hash brown and a small coffee for just five dollars.

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Prices and participation may vary.

Welcome back to the Daily Show.

This week is the United Nations General Assembly, when all the world's leaders gather here in New York to advance humanity's noble quest to make my morning commute a goddamn nightmare.

Now, this year is an especially fraught time with crises all over the world.

Gaza, Ukraine, accelerating climate change, AI, the uncontrolled spread of labo-boos, it goes on.

Addressing these crises will require the full focus and attention of a mature leader.

Luckily, that's exactly what President Trump is known for.

So, this morning he arrived bright and early with the First Lady, striding onto the escalator for his trip to...

Okay.

So the...

All right.

That's fine.

Okay, so

the escalator broke.

Okay.

That's unfortunate.

You never want a minor hiccup like that, but you you know what?

That's fine.

A broken escalator just means extra steps on your Fitbit.

Don't let it interfere with your speech, Mr.

President.

Start by reminding them all of all the good you've done.

In a period of just seven months, I have ended seven unendable wars.

They said they were unendable.

You're never going to get them solved.

And I did it in just seven months.

It's never happened before.

There's never been anything like that.

I'm very honored to have done it.

Okay.

Good start, Mr.

Trump.

Not technically true about the seven wars, but you know, it was classy.

We've got some good vibes going.

Let's ride that wave to talk about issues of global importance.

I ended seven wars, dealt with the leaders of each and every one of these countries, and never even received a phone call from the United Nations offering to help in finalizing the deal.

All I got from the United Nations was an escalator that, on the way up, stopped right in the middle.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

You're still thinking about the escalator, okay.

That's okay.

That's okay.

I get it.

Nothing's worse than a surprise flight of stairs, but...

But don't forget, global stage.

Let's move on.

If the first lady wasn't in great shape, she would have fallen.

But she's in great shape.

We're both in good shape.

We both stood.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, yeah, you made a joke out of it, broke the tension, point made.

Now, let's get back to the global crises before you start spiraling out and remembering every bad thing that's ever happened to you in this building.

I bid on the renovation and rebuilding of this very United Nations complex.

I remember it so well.

I said at the time that I would do it for $500 million, rebuilding everything.

It would be beautiful.

I used to talk about, I'm going to give you Marlborough floors.

They're going to give you Terraza.

Okay.

Wow.

Terraza.

I don't know what that is.

Let's talk about Ukraine.

But they decided to go in another direction, which was much more expensive at the time,

and which actually produced a far inferior product.

I bet they regret that.

If you can just skip forward to the part about Gaza, though.

They had massive cost overruns and spent between two and four billion dollars on the building and did not even get the marble floors that I promised them.

You walk on Terraza, do you notice that?

You're still mad about the escalator, aren't you?

Yeah, yeah.

As far as I'm concerned, frankly, looking at the building and

getting stuck in the escalator, they still haven't finished the job.

Enough, enough,

you're just having a tantrum now.

Your team is waiting offstage with a blanket and some apple juice.

Just

say the most diplomatic thing you can and let's just get out of here.

You know, something about

we're all in this together.

Your countries are going to hell.

Close enough.

When we come back, John Fuglesag will be joining me on the show.

Don't go away.

Welcome back to The Daily Show.

My guest tonight is a comedian, host of Tell Me Everything on Serious XM Progress and author of the New York Times bestseller, Separation of Church and Hate.

Please welcome John Fuglesang.

New York Times, bestseller.

That must feel nice.

Yeah, my parole officer calls it a good start.

Isn't it a good?

Yes.

You're going to get back into the swing of things before you know it.

I know, yeah, tell me about it.

It's recidivism, but I'm thrilled about it.

You know, this book took about 12 years to sell.

I had people telling me it's third rail, Christianity and politics, and using Jesus against the right wing.

No, no, no.

And it's really gratifying to see people actually respond

because people are tired of, I think, what I think the Bible calls revoltingly fake Christianity.

I think so many of us.

I mean, you dive right into that, right?

You say, well, you say you wrote this book because your parents broke a promise with God?

They did.

That's a hell of a way to write a book.

Yeah, I'm technically not supposed to be here.

My mother was a nun from the segregated South.

She went into the convent right out of high school.

They put her through nursing school, sent her off to work with lepers in Malawi, Africa.

But before they sent her to Africa, they put her in Brooklyn.

My father was a Franciscan brother who taught history to Catholic boys in Brooklyn.

He wore the brown robes and the rope belt and walked amongst the people like the lost Jedi of Flatbush.

My father, the brother, met my mother, the sister.

I was going to say, yeah, your upbringing is a premise.

I know, right?

At least a shaggy dog story.

He He fell madly in love.

He eventually got her to leave after 10 years of platonic friendship, and they tried to raise us to be progressive, free-thinking Catholics.

I do comedy because I can't afford the therapy.

I still be afraid.

So, why write this book?

I wrote this book because I got tired of seeing my parents' faith used as a cloaking device for meanness and bigotry and superiority.

Jesus's movement was about humility, it was about service to others, it was about uplifting the marginalized, not about total right-wing domination

of the school board.

And

I wrote this book for believers and atheists.

Anyone who's going to have to deal with a far-right-wing, mean Christian nationalist or fundamentalist in their job, in their home, in their government, in their social media feeds.

I think they say the largest growing religious group are Mormons or none of the aboves.

I think it's people who were raised religious and now consider themselves spiritual because they're sick of the hypocrisy of men in dresses and funny hats.

Do you see a breaking point?

Like, where do you see

the teachings of Jesus, the biblical teachings, shifting over to just being a political ploy?

I mean, when Rome took over, really, I mean, that's what it is.

We're going back that way.

Well, if you want to go back to when it stopped being an oppressed movement of the brown-skinned Jewish carpenter about love and empathy, and it became an imperial religion that got to beat up on smaller minorities and pagans and go invade and kill Jews and kill Muslims in the Crusades, all of which was a total violation of Jesus.

And the whole history of Christianity is this authoritarian power, right?

But it's always the Jesus followers who resist.

So you got the Crusades, Saint Francis quits and preaches nonviolence.

You got Columbus and the doctrine of discovery, and they're raping the Tainu people, and it's the Catholic priest, Bartolomeo de las Casas.

First act of protest by a white person in this hemisphere, and it was against what Columbus was doing.

Slavery was propped up by Christianity, but it was Christ followers like Frederick Douglass and Harriet Tubman and the Quakers who pushed back.

Segregation, propped up by Christianity, Dr.

King fights back.

And how many people have taught their parents and grandparents out of so much homophobia in the past 30 years?

There's an amazing history of Christian activism, but it always manifests itself in resistance to Christian authoritarianism.

And I'm sick of it, and I think people are too.

And if the Democratic Party is not going to use the Bible and the media is afraid to touch it, then it's going to be up to all of us asking our right-wing loved ones, what Jesus' teaching does Donald Trump and MAGA fight for?

Because I haven't actually found it yet.

Why do you think that is?

You know, you articulate the teachings of Jesus as inherently progressive teachings.

Word of God him killed, yeah.

Yeah.

Now, why do you think the left isn't able to utilize that?

I wish I knew because there's so many progressive Christians who pay attention to what the guy actually says.

You look at Matthew 25, right?

That's Jesus giving his marching orders.

The night he's arrested.

It's the judgment of nations.

He says, I will gather individuals and nations.

This is the whole, I was a stranger and you took me in, I was hungry and you fed me.

He gives four criteria for what Christians or a Christian society will have to do.

And it's to individuals and nations.

And it's take care of the poor, take care of the sick, welcome the stranger, and be kind to those in prison.

Nothing about screaming at women outside clinics, nothing about being mean to trans kids, nothing about believing in a talking snake.

Jesus gives his marching orders right there.

Where is that stuff?

That's in Genesis.

That's in Genesis.

But it's why you'll never see the right wing fight to put a Jesus quote on a building, on a courthouse, or on a classroom wall.

They don't do it.

They don't follow the guy.

They worship him because that's a lot easier than following his inconveniently woke teachings.

You talk about this Alpha Bro movement that's happening in the Christ world.

I trace that straight from the Crusades up to Pete Hegseth's humiliating tattoo

the days before.

Now you've gone to four.

Now that is now.

That is blasphemous right there.

You know what?

Secretary of Jaegermeister thinks it's all about

the violence.

God wills it.

That's what they said when they were waging violence against Muslims and Jews in the Crusades.

The opposite of glamorous, unsexy Jesus who commands us to love our enemies, turn the other cheek.

He also gets around to opposing the death penalty.

He tells you you don't trust people who pray in public to be seen.

He tells you to pay your damn taxes.

I mean, this guy could not run for office in the state of Louisiana, but he's every bit, whether he's real or not, I'm atheist, this book's for you too.

Whether he's a real guy or the original hippie or the original innocent brown-skinned man executed by the state, the actual teachings of the guy are as threatening to authoritarian power now as they were 2,000 years ago.

And I keep waiting for the Democratic Party.

I mean, Buddha Judge does it.

James Tallarico in Texas is doing some great stuff.

I want to see more because I'm sick and tired of seeing my parents' faith used as a cloaking device for meanness.

Now, what do you say to the atheist or the agnostic?

I'm somebody who doesn't believe those stories.

And I believe in atheists.

Thank you very much.

Yes.

Some of the best Christians I know are not believed.

There you are.

Well, the people who are sickened by this conversation

dominating

the larger conversation, they see what's happening on the right and how it's being utilized, how it is being weaponized in these ways.

It feels like it takes up so much space in the political conversation or can.

Like, how do you balance that for a progressive movement that both needs to engage with people who believe in Christianity and believe in faith and see how important that is, but also who are frustrated by the ways in which it's weld and

believe that this book is a work of fiction that should be on the shelf along the way.

And it doesn't matter if it is a work of fiction.

It doesn't matter.

I mean, this is the book we've all agreed on.

This is the book they're using.

This is the book they are using to force a very narrow, Jesus-free version of Christianity into our lives, our public schools, our government.

That's the Seven Mountain mandate.

And they're not fighting for anything Jesus actually talked about.

Like if I'm in a band and I call myself a Rolling Stones cover band and I advertise that I'm a Rolling Stones cover band, but I only know songs by Nickelback and Vanilla Rice,

I need to find a new name for my group.

And so I got, again, like, it's up to all of us, you know, make them argue with the Bible.

I have this happen all the time on SiriusXM.

Take immigration.

Like, you don't have to fight about this.

God commands us to welcome the stranger all throughout the Hebrew scriptures.

God says we have to treat the alien as one of our own.

His son Jesus shows up, whether it's real or not, and commands us, individuals and nations, to welcome the stranger.

So my question to Uncle Racist is,

why should I listen to you and Donald Trump and ignore God and Jesus?

You don't need to fight these people.

They can fight Jesus and God, and this book hopefully will set you up to do it.

I hate to point it out.

Yes.

But today's rapture day.

Oh, I know, I know.

By the way, is Costa alright?

Because that actually is the side effect of Ozempic.

Is that what's happening right there?

Easy dipping.

He doesn't like to talk about that.

They love the rapture, Jordan.

You feel left out?

Shouldn't you be up there drinking my times right now?

I know a lot of apoholics out there, and they're really addicted to the end times because Jesus' inconvenient teachings and commandments on how we're supposed to treat each other are a little too much work, and they'd rather be behind God's velvet rope.

They're so sure that they go there for the party, but they're going to find out that the rapture doesn't even appear in in the Bible.

Jesus says you shall not know the hour nor the day when it'll happen.

So I'm sorry, end timers.

It's not the end of the world.

Oh.

Well, you're not watching the same news I am, apparently.

I will say something I do believe, and I know you do as well,

is music.

And you wore this shirt.

Tell me about what is special about this shirt.

Oh, man, this is a special.

Okay, so this shirt is for George Harrison's record label.

He started in the 70s, Dark Horse Records.

And my first job as a young comedian in broadcasting was being a VJ for VH1.

They hired me to be the funny guy, but I wound up being the classic rock nerd.

And one day I got to sit with George Harrison and Ravi Shankar.

He came in to promote an album he had produced, and I was the biggest George Harrison fiend.

I was raised Catholic, and I so admired how he went deeper into his spirituality.

And so I got to interview him, and he was going to stay for 10 minutes.

I was such a geek.

I was making terrible Rick Astley jokes.

He stayed for four hours.

We gave him a guitar.

He played four songs.

It wound up being the last public performance he ever did on camera.

He was diagnosed with cancer two months later.

And I don't know if y'all know this, but that final performance by George Harrison happened in this very studio in this room.

George Harrison gave his last televised performance right here.

And so coming back every time I'm back in this building, I always want to say thank you to him because he gave me so much about, to learn about spirituality.

I love it.

That is wonderful.

Well, the book.

It is a great read.

And if you want to fight with your, or converse with your

converse with your more conservative folks, it's you can just you don't have to call them an immigrant-hating homophobe.

Show them Jesus wasn't an immigrant.

Use Jesus to win your argument.

Can I give the full title?

Give me the full title.

Separation of church and hate: A Sane Person's Guide to Taking Back the Bible from Fundamentalists, Fascists, and Flock Fleecing Frauds.

Oh, look at that.

Look at that alliteration.

It's available now.

John Field Safe.

We're going to take a quick break.

We're right back after this.

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That's our show for tonight.

Now here it is.

Your moment is in.

Here he also takes on the UN

when he makes the case for the importance of his crew.

For the importance of his, well, we'll work out these audio issues.

Okay, we appear to still be having those audio issues.

All right, we're done.

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