123 - The Past Times with Dave Hill

Join us for Cycle to Zero, a legacy event from AIDS Life Cycle, benefiting San Francisco AIDS Foundation. Cycle from San Francisco to Guerneville and explore Sonoma by bike, May 29th to the 31st.

You can ride for all three days, join us for just day two, or even register as a volunteer crew member.

We'll spend two nights camping together along the Russian River, sharing stories, meals, and miles. By the time we return to San Francisco, we'll be a stronger community.
Space is limited.

Register today at cycletozero.org.

Serve Pro's got you. If disaster threatens to put production weeks behind schedule, ServePro's got you.

When you need precise containment to stay in operation through the unexpected, Serve Pro's got you.

When the aftermath of floods, wildfires, hurricanes, and other forces that are out of your control have you feeling a loss of control, Serve Pro's got you.

Simply put, whenever or wherever you need help in a hurry, make sure your first call is to the number one name in cleanup and restoration.

Because only ServePro has the scale and expertise to get you back up to speed quicker than you ever thought possible.

So, if fire or water damage ever threatens your home or business, remember to call on the team that's faster to any size disaster at 1-800SERVPRO or by visiting SurvePro.com.

Serve Pro like it never even happened.

All right, everybody, Welcome to the Pastimes Podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony.

I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before, and neither is our guest this week. Man surrounded by guitars, as always, the great Dave Hill.
Hi, Dave. Hello.
Thanks for coming back.

Thank you for coming back. Thanks for having me.
I'm sorry. Sorry.

Stop apologizing. I know.
I know. I need to stop.

I'm going to own it. What were you doing?

What were you doing? That's a good question. I was literally picking up my sweet BMX bike and about to walk down the stairs and go on a sick BMX bike ride.
And then I was like...

Would you be filming some content on this ride?

I might. I don't always.
It depends on my mood. Sometimes I'm in, you know.

If I'm on Ford, I will. Depends how many cones I see.

Yeah.

It's a cone-based.

Yeah, you make content. A lot of people make it.

That's my main thing.

Dave, it's hard to know what to promote for you because you're a successful author, musician, comedian,

content man,

hockey star. One of the greats.

What would you like people, where can people find you and why would people find you? Sell yourself to the people.

All right. I've got a lot of heart.

I would say upcoming,

if you're in New York, I'm doing my residency at La Possin Rouge, April 22nd. Could you say that without the accent? Is that possible? Yeah, I did.
Did you say it like not?

Let's not do soy boy accents. Yeah, don't be paying.

I leaned into it because I was making fun of people who do that. You better be.

Les Passon Rouge. Do you know Dave and I are Proud Boys?

Well, you know, things change so quickly. Yeah, we became Proud Boys about eight months ago.
We got licensed. Okay, all right.
All right, all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so I just want to let you know that.

Yeah, I'm doing that.

Three more shows. I've been doing this weekly residency that

just started, and I have four more, three more of K. And what's that like? Do you do poetry or what do you do there? It's comedy with music.
I have a backing band. I ride my sweet BMX bike.

We got a seven-foot. On stage? Wait, you're riding your bike on stage now?

Yeah. It's a full experience.
Good. And I got a seven-foot animatronic dragon now.
It's a full production. What? Yeah, yeah,

yeah. It's wild.
That makes sense. From my apartment, which I really like.

So do that. And then my debut comic book series is coming out May 14th.
Oh, Christ. It's called Dark Market.
Have you thought about doing less shit? It's crazy. Yeah,

I don't want to do anything, really.

What's the goal?

I was just talking about this. Someone was saying something, you know,

saying that I do a lot of stuff yesterday.

And I was saying, I don't really want to do anything other than hang out with my dog and then eat snacks with my girlfriend, friends, and things like that. But you got to have stuff to talk about.

So I just want to say that. I want to eat snacks with my girlfriend is what a kid thinks being an adult is.

It's what this adult thinks being an adult.

I'm just missing like i just need a little more money yeah well only yeah after this airs i think you'll get a bunch of that yeah but i think i think despite over the next i think over the next four years we're all gonna become really rich well we're all uh yeah absolutely we there are really good things happening and um once china stops around uh yeah

you know we'll we'll really everything's gonna be great everything's really gonna be very great again finally yeah anyway um we're not here to yeah no go ahead i mean well look like i said said i'll just say i'm looking up barbed wire for that i'm gonna line my uh

all the traps someone has set around my home it's never been a better time to have a seven-foot dragon at your fingers that's for sure

um

well dave you know what we do on this show i'm sure they don't aside not you to better best days

wow

um you know we are uh we like to go through old papers uh we like to guess the year again we've become proud boys so there'll be no sort of anti-america stuff. Yeah.

We're both holding box cutters, and we have tier guests close to us.

But why don't you, Dave Hill, best Dave of the show? Why don't you guess the year you think this paper's from? I'll guess after.

And spoiler, you will win this. I'm going to go 1937.
Interesting. Interesting.
Interesting.

1891.

Character, you're so bad at this. It is 1936, September 5th.

Yes. Dave.

Oh, my gosh. Dave.
Yes. I scared myself just now.
You should. Yeah.
You're basically a warlock. Yeah.
No, you should be burned or drowned or both. This feels good.

I bet it does. That was good.

It's a good start. Can I ask, just in terms of my facial expressions and things that I'll be using throughout this show?

Is there video that will be used? Will there be some video? Okay.

So, yeah. So I would have leaned into into the surprise more.
Do you want to do another take? Oh my gosh, I was so close. There you go.
Dave, will you say what the actual year is one more time?

It is 1936.

Oh my gosh. Yeah.
I don't know what that reaction was. That wasn't that one is

the one you did in rehearsal, it was better, but we were rolling, so we'll probably.

Okay, yeah, just cut it in as needed. That was great.
Thank you. Dave,

what's the hockey jersey you're wearing? I'm glad you asked, Dave.

A guy on Instagram was kind enough. This happens every once in a while.
Someone will write and say, can I send you a jersey or sweater, as they are often called.

And this is the Flinflon Bombers, which was the junior team, probably most famously, to my mind anyway, Bobby Clark, NHL Great. played for them in Flynn Flon, Manitoba.
Sure. And this guy...

Those are not places for for those who are. I don't think they are either.

I believe it's northeast of Winnipeg by about an hour and a half or two. And

this guy, Mark McDonald, DM'd me and was like, I want to send you a jersey. And a lot of times people will say, oh, I want to send you something.

And I think, you're going to send me a bomb or something, aren't you?

Right. And

but he sent,

and my policy now is if it's coming from another country, I just give them my home address because I'm like, what are the chances of them showing up?

Yeah, no,

stateside people, my girlfriend.

They can find you anyway, if they really can, yeah.

But I do have a P.O. box.
My girlfriend made me get one.

Also, how a child abuse adulthood. My girlfriend.

Well, I'll tell you what happened. Someone sent me a package and I couldn't remember

who had sent it or what it was. And I was opening it and it was just this box that was obviously not from like, it was from an individual.
And

I opened it and it was, there was an, I just saw an American flag. And right away we were like, oh no, this is a bomb.

And yeah, that's right. And then it turned out there was like a vintage flag, but then all these other nice items that someone had sent.

so uh but then she was like you know what it's time yeah uh that makes sense i got anyway but yeah so this guy mark was kind enough sent me jersey t-shirt

hat tokens they call them uh a couple sticker really the full you got the whole thing the full apparel they call it who's your who's your who's your nhl team are you got are you are you in the playoffs this year no sadly we're out the rangers i i root for the rangers because I live in New York and

I'm more a lover of the game, so I just go root for the home team, you know.

Sure, I get it.

All right, well, this is

a big hockey town. Reno, Nevada.
Reno Cazettes, September 5th, 1936. Reno, of course, famous for their hockey.
Sure. Yeah.

The Reno's. Things were never good in Reno, but what was it like when everything was bad and Reno was existing?

Reno has never, yep, someone, didn't someone write to us recently and say, hey, you guys, yeah, someone was saying that they're trying to do it. Yeah, the Reno stuff is a little bit much.

And I just want to say, like, you can never say enough bad things about Reno. Like, Reno is,

it's not good.

No, people ask us to go there or it's

a no.

It really is.

It's bad.

Reno's like, what if Atlantic City was landlocked? Yeah. Oh, wow.
But I bet you could wring a couple nights of fun out of that town. I don't think so.
It's pretty hard, man. I got to be honest.

Well,

you're in for a treat.

I'm taking the liberty

of booking a

gentleman's weekend in New York. Oh, my God.

Oh, my Lord.

What's on the agenda? Do we have anything? Dave, I wish you'd ask me what wasn't on the agenda because then it would take me a lot more time to answer.

Okay, what's not on the agenda? Oh, never mind.

Being well-mannered and knowing our limits. That's not on the agenda.

Knowing our limits.

All right.

Mother rescues two small boys after mile swim.

That's a long swim. Mild?

Mile.

Oh, mile. Swim.
Mile. Okay, sure.
Yeah, that's a distance.

This is news out of Quincy, Massachusetts.

What are you doing? Showing that I could do a mile. Nobody's flexing.

What's your regimen? Well, I swim a lot of miles. Do you? No.
But I could.

Dave's arm's broken. Yeah.

Dave's arms don't worry. What do you do?

Parkour? I do a lot of parkour where they tell me not to. I do a lot of it's hard when we're on tour.
He'll just start parkouring. Oh, I don't even call it tour.
I call it a park tour.

And I go around and I sort of jump from building to building and ledge to ledge. I'm a big ledged guy.
I like to go ledge to bench.

Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one.
The thing about parkour, which I, let's, to be clear, I am amazing at, but

when you watch the videos, they do make it look so easy. Yeah.
Well, we're just, we're, because to us, it's how you see it as a thing where we're just walking. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's how we view it.

We look at you, normies, and we go, oh, look at him, look at me. Well, you call us grounders, right? Yeah, you grounders.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. You guys are a bunch of grounders.

So that's not what we do.

Sometimes I jump over a bench and I turn into a somersault. Go ahead, Dave.
You had something?

Miss Chester V. Anderson, 24, went about her household tasks today, as usual.
Wouldn't be able to miles that name.

A miles swim fully clothed to rescue her five-year-old son and his chum only a memory. Oh.

Wait, what?

She's gone back to her regular mom life after rescuing her son. Oh, oh.
I thought the chum boy was actual chum at the end of the day. It is a bad word to use.

Chum is a bad term for a friend when you're talking about being drowning, when drowning in the ocean. And so the lead of this story is that she's just gone back to her regular life

already? Yes,

compartmentalizes

yeah she's back to baking pie yeah yeah yeah

suddenly missing the chatter of her son Chester and Gerard Reed eight Miss Anderson stepped to the

no eight-year-olds named Gerard Reed. I'm sorry to interrupt you so quickly.
No, that's a 40. You're born 47 years old if you're Gerard Reed.
Gerard Reed.

Yeah, they come out really. What were his first words? Hello, I'm Gerard Reed.

I'm sorry.

Miss Anderson stepped to the porch of her home yesterday.

You're supposed to interject. That's the whole point, is you interjecting.
Yeah, I know, but I feel, you know, I'm just a Midwestern, well-mannered guy. No, right.
So you apologize for something.

I'm not bad about it. Yeah.

You're going to have to shake that for this. Yeah.
Right. So just jump in.

Miss Anderson stepped to the porch of her home yesterday afternoon and saw I got something to say

like that. That's what you do.
Yeah. All right.
A cold dose. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right. Go ahead.
That was just a saw the two drifting in the middle of Four River in an oarless rowboat.

The current was carrying the boat to sea. Rowboat.
So they're just in a boat that's they have no way to control it. Yeah, well, row is a big part of that boat title.
The oars.

Yeah. I thought the kids had swung.
Hey, hey, what are you doing? Just jumping in? Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You jump in whenever you want. Dave's.

I thought you were talking about jumping in the water. I got a little confused.
But wait, Dave Hill has a very good point. We were told a swim had happened.
So she swung

a mile

after the boat because

not to attack this writer further, but

it makes it sound like the kids swam a mile and then maybe we're fatigued. Then somehow the mom swam to get them.
You're right.

That is what it sounds like. So you're right.
Also, like, if there's two kids in a boat, you just go, I don't know, they seem fine. Maybe I should get a boat and just take my time.

I gotta get some food.

Go after them in a boat instead of jumping in the water. Yeah.
Because it's cold.

We're talking about Boston. She's clearly fine.
She's gone back to her normal life. Yeah, yeah,

distant memory. Without feet.

I didn't realize that part. I think it was.
Well, she has no frostbite. They cut her feet off when she got back because of frostbite.
He's lying, Dave. He's lying.
Wait, really? Yes.

Let's go back to the story, but you'll find out that I'm correct.

The current was carrying the boat to sea. She plunged into the water, fully clothed.
Damn.

How much better is that story if she got it all off?

I was just wondering, like, did was stuff like kind of like shifting and tattering.

This is the time of when the ladies are wearing like, you know, like four dresses, like the underdresses and underdresses.

So she's almost dying.

And she swam through the choppy water to the boat a mile away. Then grabbing the stern with one hand, she pushed the boat back to shore by swimming with one arm and kicking her feet.
Damn.

The boys had been playing in the rowboat at the shore, and they lifted the anchor and soon found themselves drifting in the middle of the river.

Miss Anderson, a former beauty contest winner, is the wife of a machinist at the Naval Air Base. Bury the lead much.

Wow.

Hot woman gets wet. That's the title.

Yeah.

That's your story. That's how.

let me into this paper a little. I'll be the headline.

You'd be great. Smoke show gets drippy.

They were really obsessed with the mile swim.

I feel like they emphasized that too much as opposed to what happened, which was

a lady swimming in fully clothed.

The husband

was at the machine shop. We can only...
Yeah, he's working. He's He's working.
He's down at the shop. And then he's the one who came back and probably cut off her feet because he has the...

I don't believe we've heard anything about the feet being taken off, though, Dave.

Well, you know, I think, you know. Off paper, you've been suggesting that she lost both of her feet a lot.
I'm pretty sure she did. Yeah, it seems like there's no.

Well, she's named Stumpy now, so can you explain that? But again, is there anything like that in the paper? First of all, I don't think that's a good thing to say. You can read between the lines.

That's interesting. There's a story within the story that's that's obviously there.
Well, there's one Dave on this show who should be apologizing, and it's not the guest.

I'm enraged.

I could tell you're hot.

That's my face

for you.

I'm enraged. That's actually good.
Let's get the clip for the show now. I'm enraged.
Yeah.

Everything's crazy here.

People are going to have to tune into the whole episode to find out what just happened. Yeah.
Oh, my gosh. Oh man, people are gonna have to watch the whole episode to see what just happened.

A sling suspect makes escape after fight with police. Wait, we've moved on.

We've moved on from this woman already? This is a paper, Dave. This is gonna happen.
Don't get attached to it. No,

I get it. I get it.
Don't get attached. No, I know there's other stuff.
Do you? Yeah. Okay, because I'm idiot.
No, no, no. That's another.
No. That's another clip.
That's a good clip.

Idiot. Oh, my God.
What just happened? People are going to have to listen to the whole episode to find out what just happened for Christianity. I didn't text.

I didn't come on this show to get ambushed.

That's another.

People are going to have to listen to the whole show to figure out what just happened. Like, oh, man.
This fucking idiot thought we were going to do the one story the whole time.

Oh, my gosh. Every fucking guest falls for that shit.
And this is good.

Man, oh, man. This is how you internet.
Oh, man.

We're doing like a morning zooish thing on here now. Yeah, things are pretty bad personally and professionally.
So we're trying to do stuff like this now. Yeah,

you got to go broad. You cast a wider net.
Thank you. That's what I've been trying to do.

It's not going well. It's not mad.
It isn't.

It's not well at all.

Okay.

When you get sad, do you just ride your BMX around the house?

I do, actually. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's pretty good. Okay.
Yeah, it's awesome. I got three of them.
You do? Yeah, that's probably three more than I should have. That's the right amount.

Where do you keep them?

One I keep

the P.O.

I keep a couple in the hallway and I keep one on the party deck. You don't have to talk anymore.
Just get back to the paper. He's prying a little too much, Dave Hill.
I'm sorry. Got him out.

You just, Gareth, you just let him

say party deck, and you didn't even

know.

He said party deck. I think he's got it coming.
I do, but it's, but when I go out there, I'm partying.

Well, you know, so you don't understand that Dave is the party.

That's not a joke. No, that's not a low-grade party.
That I know. There's my peach cheese.
It's fun, though. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.

No question.

This is out of Riverside, California. A man arrested for questioning in connection with the slaying of Ruth Muir at La Holla escaped from a deputy sheriff today after striking the officer in the head.

Well, you should get to. If you hit a cop in the head, you should get to that officer should have stopped resisting.

Thank you. Yeah.

Wait, so run this by me again.

So a man was arrested for questioning in connection with. I was working on my expressions.
Yeah,

we got those. So now it's locked back in.
Yeah, yeah. We got that.
Yeah, let's do it. It's time to put on your listening clip.
We got the clip. Okay.

Keep your eyes open when you do it. Yeah, there you go.
What the hell kind of show is this? You can use that.

Well, we already got, I don't want to keep.

We already have a couple of those. So just, do you know what I'm saying? Yeah.
Okay. Right, right, yeah.
Yeah, okay.

A man arrested for questioning in connection with the slaying of Ruth Muir at La Halla escaped from a deputy sheriff today after striking the officer in the head. Wow.
Okay.

Yeah, he hit a cop in the head. The man fled to a nearby field.
That's where you go. Which was everywhere back then.

You get in a field. You go to the field.
You hide it. You hide among the stuff in the field.
Yep.

And the line of officers was hastily thrown around the district.

That seems like they're not understanding how to deal with the field situation.

Well, that's what makes the field so confusing.

You know? It feels like a field is like the worst place to go because they could just see you. But then at the same time, now the cops are just fanning out all over the district.

A field seems safe.

Does it? Yeah. Yes.
I mean, to me.

Yeah.

Because you can't.

You could fake people out in the field. I'm also picturing a high field.
I'm picturing

high growth.

Oh, you're picturing. Okay.
Okay. Yeah.
Yeah. Because this is pre-lawnmower era.
Right. Yeah.
They had an embedded cutting back then. Everything was grown.
That was weak side.

Yeah, that was ages away.

The suspect was arrested by Deputy Sheriff Walter Sibley, who placed him unhandcuffed in his automobile and started to turn his car around.

And the man hit Shelby, Sibley, who was off guard and opened

the door of the car.

So basically, there's a lot of words in this, but the cop didn't cuff him. And so

it's a shame too because I was like... Well, this could have changed the trajectory.

Like, we could have been dealing with less aggressive cop, like, you know, putting people, we could have had an uncuffed arrest society, which would have been great.

But this guy kind of ruined it for everybody. This guy's the shoebomber of police cuffings.
It's like, now one guy fucks up, and now it's got to be a whole thing.

Thank you.

I don't care for your long story. Yeah, I'm not really buying that.
Yeah.

Not a lot of people doing shoebomber stuff on a history paper podcast.

Sibley reported that he drew his gun and struck the man on the head. Did they have a piece of paper and pen? Like that, Dave.
You just feel free to do that. Go ahead, Dave.
Yeah, just, yeah.

Just if you got it, go. Let it rip.
Yeah, let it rip.

Yeah. All right.
Go ahead, Dave, Anthony. Go ahead.
Sibley reported that guy. No, sorry.
That doesn't make as much sense. Like, that is like...

Yeah, that doesn't make as much sense. That was just a general.

I just did that so you could drop that anywhere.

No, no, we're just

more specific. We got the clip.
All right. So you're saying I should react to things that you say and not just have things that you can use

wherever you want. Start kind of locking into what's happening.
I mean, again,

we've got eight clips of you. They're great.
All right.

That's implausible.

Sorry. I'm doing it again.
And that wasn't even good, to be honest. No, no, that wasn't.
Yeah, you can also wait until I started talking. That was for the NPR version.
Yeah, that's good to have.

All right. Okay.
Sableye reported that he drew his gun and struck the man on the head. Did he have a piece of paper to...
Sorry. Sorry.
Go ahead, Dave.

With the butt of the weapon, but in spite of the injury, the man escaped.

Yeah, you never go butt.

No. You got to

side-swipe him, you know. Maybe on an anniversary.
You know, the other thing is you could also shoot him. Yeah,

if you want to keep him, you go butt. But butt's for a honeymoon.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yep.

Or a parking garage.

I'm sorry I've revealed too much. I'm so sorry.

I don't know why that is so horrible.

Yeah, it's just a really

seems like a bad time for it to be. Not that there's ever a great time, but that seems particularly wrong.

yeah i don't know every time you go into a parking garage you look over yeah you gotta be careful well you think of what i'm thinking no oh you just want to go shopping yes

oh boy

officers said the suspect pay for the ticket now you want to go to the car just pay for it now

Officers said the suspect answered the general description of a man who told an Ontario rancher that he had seen the killer of Miss Muir.

Miss Muir was general secretary of the YWCA here and was prominent in civic affairs. So she deserved it.
That's what I'm hearing. I don't think that's right.

No, I don't think that's a cut sign either. Do you think so?

No, why? Because the YWCA?

Yeah, whatever.

Why did they ever make like a female village people? I think that would have done well.

How does my conversation work on this show? Is it not good?

It feels

picturing it. Okay, yeah.
I don't know. In 1937, there probably weren't a lot of job options for the women to be at in

the outfit, I guess.

Feels like we're not taking the

did you bring up, did you bring up

fashion there for a sec?

Not really, but go ahead.

Women with small waistline to benefit by newest styles. Oh, God.
Oh, okay.

Oh, that's good.

It's the woman with the small waistline who will benefit by the new styles from Paris. That is the opinion of Miss Carmel Snow, magazine editor, Brock.

Carmel Snow. Yeah.
That's a good name, right? Yeah. I mean, not to, you know, not to pile onto the female village people, but that's the...
There we go. That's the

band name or one of the members' names, Carmel Snow. Absolutely.
Absolutely. Absolutely.
She's like an Adidarod woman. Go ahead, Dave.

Brought back from the fashion shows of the French capital yesterday. As for Stud women.
It's really funny that anorexia is in for women finally. And it's come from Paris.

As for stud women, they will simply have to diet, exercise, or be corseted. But there is nothing uncomfortable about the new corsets.
There's There's nothing uncomfortable about the new corpset.

After Fashion Week, we've come to the determination that women should not be eating and will be drinking diuretics.

That's it. That's the story.
Well, it's pretty bad. Wait, why did they throw in that the new corsets are not uncomfortable?

Clearly,

they're just running defense there. Yeah, they're creating corsets.

She's probably just trying to get people to buy it, right? The new ones and be like, yeah, these ones don't hurt. And then you do it and you're like, oh, God.
And then your organ failure.

But the pictures. The pictures don't hurt.
Oh, the pictures. Oh, the pictures.
Yeah. But the thing about the organ failure thing,

organ failure is then they remove an organ and you're skinnier. So when your organ fails, it's all positive.
This is true. No one loses.
Right.

It's really a fat fail.

If you think about it. If you really do.
Yeah.

So. I'm stuck on the parking garage,

please get over there as soon as possible.

I keep going back there. That's not the clip.
I'm still back there. That's not the clip.
Mentally.

No, no. Get out of there.

That's bonus. That's Patreon content.
That's big Patreon stuff.

Yeah.

So, Dave, what happened in the parking grade? Oh, that was the...

Don't answer. No, no, that's for the Patreon.
Yeah.

That was close.

We are brought to you by Factor. Factor, Dave.
Factor, of course,

it's a meal plan. It's a two-minute meal that you can heat up

right there in your house.

Or wherever you are. It's really good.
Or wherever you are, Dave, because I will tell you,

you are

making it seem like you can't do it other places. I took a bunch of Factor meals on the road with me, and it was the greatest decision I've made.
Yeah.

Because you're eating healthy. It's hard to eat healthy on the road, so you got that option.
They're so good. They are so good.
They're really good. They're really good.
They're so good.

Luke and I heated a couple up in the hotel, and we both were just sitting there like, this is the greatest. Yeah.
It's so good. I had a poblano potato and white bean stew.

What? Yeah. Poblano? That sounds really good.
It was delicious. Can I have some? And I had a tamale cake.
I already ate it. Are you listening to me? Well, it feels like you're leaving me out.

What do you want to? What are you talking about?

Geth, I had the red wine mushroom and chicken fisili, which is a pasta for those people that don't know what pastas are. Yeah.

And it tastes tasty. It's really good.
People love it. I eat it.
You eat it. I took all the juices with me this last trip, too.
Unbelievable.

They have 45 menu options a week, which is awesome to choose from. That's a lot.
You can do Calorie Smart. You can do Protein Plus, Keto.
There's tons of different options you can do.

They got breakfast. They got on-the-go lunches, dinners, guilt free snacks, desserts, and Garrett says juices, which he likes to pour all over himself.
No, no, no, I drank them. Come on now.

So join us and get started at factormails.com slash dollop50 off and use code dollop50off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box.

That's code dollop50off at factormails.com slash dollop50off for 50% plus free shipping. Bam.
Come on. Come on, guys.
Eat it. Put it in your face.
Come on, guys. No more games.

Get involved. You know what you want.
A career that matters and a path that's real.

At Carrington College, you can train to become a medical assistant through hands-on learning and a clinical externship.

You'll build the skills healthcare facilities need, from patient care to front office procedures. Finish in as few as nine months and hit the ground running.

Classes are now enrolling in Pleasant Hill, San Leandro, and San Jose. Visit Carrington.edu.
For more information about student outcomes, visit Carrington.edu. SCI.

Cal State East Bay was founded on a belief that every student holds incredible potential.

And when that potential is unlocked, doors open to opportunity, to purpose, to a better future for their families and communities.

Our students are modern-day pioneers, breaking new ground and paving the way for generations to come.

Here, they find an intellectual oasis, a place to pause, reflect, and rise, gaining the knowledge and confidence to make their mark on the world. Enroll today at csueastbay.edu slash start.

The people of Palestine have faced an unrelenting humanitarian crisis.

Islamic Relief USA has been on the ground for decades, providing over a million people with vital medical aid, more than 7 million hot meals, and over 31 million liters of clean water.

Shelter, clothing, bedding, hope. You can help make a difference.
Visit irusa.org to learn more and support emergency response efforts. That's IRUSA.org.

This is just a little blurb. When an ice cream truck caught fire recently in Elstree, England, a ton of ice cream was melted.
So this is like a kid's paper? You can see.

Well, it's factual, isn't it?

There's more to the story, right? Or is that just the story? In and out. The whole story is that the ice cream truck caught fire and it melted.
The ice cream.

I need more. That was the the one.
Yeah. That's the hottest story.
That's like it rained and people got wet.

Yeah. It's a little different.
It's a little different. It's, but it's a little different.

I would just say because water comes from the sky. Yeah, but I mean, like, I don't know.
How did the fire, how did the ice cream truck get in that situation?

I assume the answer. I assume the ice cream did it.

Ice cream sparks.

It does. Yeah, those little bits.
That's why you keep it in a freezer.

Oh, yeah,

when like pop rock ice cream.

Thank you. Yup.
Yeah.

Here's another blurb.

A man who broke into a tavern at Montville, New Jersey ate and drank so much he was asleep when police arrived to arrest him. Wow.
Can't stay mad at him. Yeah,

that's the story of a hero.

He did what he's supposed to.

They just showed up and they put a little blanket on him. Yeah, yeah.
He's like a human raccoon. I love this guy.
This guy's like, I'll show you closing time.

We'll arrest him when he wakes up.

Just fat as fuck. Chocolate all over his mouth.

Water dumped on communists. What else is that? Oh my God.
That makes them shrink and burn, right?

Buckets is in New York.

Buckets of water were emptied on the heads of 1,500 communists and communist sympathizers today as they picketed a luncheon for Julius Dortmiller, director of the German Railroads.

Well,

that'll be the best case scenario for the communists of the next 20 years, I'd say. Yeah, it doesn't go well for

the money.

The ire of the picket line, which held up lower Broadway traffic for more than an hour, was aroused when when someone in a nearby building leaned out the window and shouted we want hitler and mussolini oh for fuck's sake oh god just too real wow too real

oh god the more things change

that's kind of exactly what's happening today that is

exactly what is happening

And it's, it's still, it's like the people getting mad at the people stopping like the traffic.

Like, it's gonna be way worse it's like i am 15 minutes late for an event

you're go to el salvador

uh here's a story for gareth hen asleep on fast car there we go i love it is there more there we go there's gotta be no right better not be there is thankfully

i love that uh this is out of harrowsmith orange free state what the

you remember that okay I've been to Harris.

They've got a chuckle hut there.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.
It's great zone.

Claims to possess. Harris Smith claims to possess the fastest hen in the world.
That's a fucking big claim. That guy can fuck off.
Yeah.

I'm sorry.

No.

He's right. I'll just give you another clip.
I'll be honest. That one's back in the running.
I don't think we need any more, but that one's pretty good.

That was genuine disdain.

Yeah.

Sorrel Joubert, a bartender, sorry, a barber, was in a hurry and he jumped into a car, stepped on the accelerator, and accomplished his journey at an average speed of about 50 miles an hour. Whoa!

When he reached his 30s, whoa!

Yeah,

when he reached his destination, he was surprised to see that everyone was laughing. He walked to the front of his car, and standing on the bumper on one leg was a hen fast asleep.

So he's claiming it's the fastest hen? The paper is. Oh, the paper

using the same logic, the man himself would be the fastest man also. It doesn't.

Wow.

They can fuck off.

You've really kind of hit your threshold for a lot of the bullshit. I think I really appreciate it.

I think he's right on this one. I think he's.
Yeah, I think he's right too, but he's like, what I like is he's like an angrier Andy Rooney. He's just not happy with today's news.

I've often often been called that.

Angry Rooney.

The only really serious trouble developing during, there's no headline. The only really serious trouble developing during President Roosevelt's drought trip was on the question of snoring.

It seems that three eminent exponents of the art of snoring

exponents of the art of snoring allowed nearly broke up the trip. They were in Mr.

Roosevelt's ratoon and when they reached the small hotel bedrooms in the drought regions, they became a major problem. All right, so guys are

slipping the same.

I assume that they're on a

on train. That's what I thought.
Yeah, that's what it seems like.

There's a hen on there. That could be big.
So it's like...

Boom.

It's like when Gareth did

Bert Kreischer's.

You got kicked off Burt Kreischer's bus for snoring, did you not? No, I did not.

That's fine. Are you a snorer? No, I'm not.
Yeah, he's a snorer. He's a terrible snorer.
No, I'm not.

You're lying. I don't know.
It sounds like you might be. I am.
It's not nothing to be ashamed of. I'm warming up.
There's no,

but it's not something that I am. I have a C-PAP machine.
It's in the next room. Is that right? Yeah.

Three BMXs and a C-PAP. You're doing pretty good over there.
Yeah. Got a bunch of sick guitars.
Everything's going my way. I did not know you had a CPAP.
How many hockey jerseys do you own?

Probably like 50.

Wow.

Dude, before you go to bed and put your CPAP on, do you ever look at your girlfriend and go, you want to know the difference between you and me? I make this look good and put it on.

You already try not.

Well, I've taken to wearing like a winter hat or like some sort of head covering with it. That's an interesting look.
That's of interesting.

That's interesting bedtime. Well, sleep hat.
What I realized, I had started wearing it and I realized it was ripping my hair out. Oh.
Oh, really?

And then I googled it. I was like, CPAP machine, ripping hair out.
And then there's just pages and pages.

Oh, yeah, it ripped your hair out. Did anyone?

Anyone in there suggest the winner hat, or is that that feels like a Dave Hill solution?

That was a Dave Hill solution. I mean, I bought some, like, some other sort of, I got a different mask.
But basically, I mean, you know me. I mean, my hair is like top five amazing things about me.

Yeah. It makes a lot of lists.
And, but I was like, I don't mind if I'm going natural hair loss, but this was like some fucking mask ripping my hair out. So now I do that.
So it's crazy. It's crazy.

It sounds crazy. It really is.
It's like waking up in a chilly ER.

I'm picturing you in an old-timey

Scrooge-like sleeping hat. It's not far off.
If you have to go to the chamber pot in the night, do you hold a candle and look a little freaked out? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, you kind of

take kind of high steps

scamper about.

You see your own shadow get a little

mice. Are you visited by three ghosts at all?

Oh, hellhounds mostly. And Dave, your P.O.
box is just when you pull a book off your bookshelf and it opens to a tiny room in the back, right?

That's basically it. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
Just wondering. Yeah, and the mice in my apartment have fully furnished apartments with miniature.

Yep, obviously. Yep.
Okay. All right.
Well, I think we got to read on that finally.

Anyone listening finally has closure on that sort of stuff. Yeah, yeah, which is great.
Which is great. Absolutely.
What I also wanted to say is if you listen closely to

the mouse couple,

they're acting out scenes from the honeymooners. But like in Mouse, like

it's so funny how that show was about abuse,

yeah, it was an abusive man, yeah. He just liked to hit his woman,

and I think that's cool. It's pretty great, that's great, yeah.
Uh,

it'll be rebooted soon, I'm sure. Oh, yeah,

um,

so director because it was funny, Yeah, it still is funny.

Yeah.

Director Morris Cook of the Rural Electrification Administration sought to harmonize arrangements by bunking two rural sopranos together, but this did not work. Rural Electrification Administration?

That's right. They were electrifying the rurals.
That sounds like

a kind of twee indie rock band. Yeah.
You do it.

Opening for the national.

He does. Yeah.
This is what I'm saying.

He's a rock star. He is a rock star.
Got a dragon.

I got a dragon.

It's not even my first one. Jesus Christ.

How many dragons? Got like nine of them.

Dave, Dave. This is big for us.

This is big for us. You're like Iron Maiden.
One man in Iron Maiden. Yeah.
Wow. Yeah.
Wow.

Both complained that the other was disturbing a slumber, and the third, who was a bass, was lonely without accompaniment. And Roosevelt solved the problem by sending all three men home.

Oh, so he just kicked off the bus. The three guys got kicked off the tour because they snored too much, which is why I bring up you and the Bert Kreischer bus.
I did not.

You got kicked off the bus for snoring. What are you doing? What is this?

What do you mean? I finished the tour out like everyone else, and then I went home, and there was no talk of snoring issues at all.

Well,

you could hook up a CPAP machine on the bus. I don't need it.
I'm sounding like my dad. My dad is obsessed with CPAP machines.
He'll shoehorn them into any conversation. Does he have one? Yeah.

That's how I wound up getting it. I don't like that.
Just shut him up. Yeah, okay.

He just took one of his old ones like a hamburger. Fine.
Yeah.

It's a mouth-me-down. It's the one he used in college.
Oh, that's cute. Yeah.

That's cool.

Fishermen in Morton Bay, Australia recently netted 36 new species of oyster-eating fish, which, like others of their kind, stand on their heads to eat with tails upward and clear of the water. What?

There's no, that's not.

What are you talking about? I call it.

I'm yelling at you. That's not a real story.

That's totally real.

I've got 36 new kinds of fish that it'll be their oyster eaters, and all of them stand on their heads. Like speckless.

Look at this guy.

He loves him.

Standing on his head.

What is he talking about?

Nobody corroborating. How could they open the oysters? It just didn't seem.
That's a good question. There's a bunch of good questions.
Yeah.

That's like one of the main ones. That's a great one.
I'm not trying to downplay how good that question was, and I want to be super clear about that.

So AI is saying that oh fuck that

clip I hate to say it I'm back on the clip train this guy's just a clip machine

AI is saying that fish do not stand on their head with their tails in the air and eat or something yeah no shit but AI is wrong 50% of the time so there it is 50% chance that it's true AI didn't tell me it was wrong 50% of the time also like the the definition of fish in 1936 was really broad you could throw

Italians were fish yeah yeah if it went in the water water, it was a fish back then. Yeah, like an Italian.
Yeah.

They're quite aquatic. Oh, yeah.
Anyone will tell you that. Oh, yeah.
I mean, that's still true. I feel like if fish did do that, that Gareth would know because he's.

They definitely don't. He watches all kinds of animal documentaries and whatnot.
So you don't, right? They don't. Like you would be on that too.

If I didn't know about it, I would be looking into it shortly thereafter.

Like recently, when I easily identified a star-nosed mole

anecdotally

in the real world. Yeah.
And I was like, oh, it's a star-nosed. Where? What's going on?

A star-nosed mole

in a yard. You saw one? Out in the...
Yeah. Where?

Was it out of its molehole? It was out of its molehole and it had... It was scampering about? No, it had gone.
Oh, it was killed. It had been killed.
And

sorry.

No, no, you don't need to condolence me. No, you hate to see those guys go.
Well, yeah, but that's really the point of that. It's not that.

An animal, another animal killed it.

Another mole?

Was a mole?

I have very little information

outside of the fact that it was a star-nose mole.

Did you call the police? No, no, it's a mole. No, I shouldn't have.
I should not have. So let's not alarm.
So a mole's life is not valuable to you.

It matters, but I i don't think i want the police uh over there well it would have been like a little gopher policeman showing

i don't know how to get in touch with yeah no i don't know how

he's got a hat he's got the hat he's got the badge little vest uh yeah he shows up he's like two weeks away from retirement

what this gopher cop is yeah yeah

he was he and his wife were they were gonna travel and uh and he comes over and he's like ah

i caught another one i'm getting too old for this shit the chief sent him out i'm getting too old for this yeah well no but it was just it was a star no anyway so yeah that was pretty much

so stars he was part of the gang it's the gopher yeah yeah well no you're sorry and the the gopher police in my in my mind they don't drive all right i'm not really i'm not here to kind of you know figure out what those gopher police mean to you two guys

um

so it's just a fun image yeah no it's not i'm not pushing back that there's there's a fun image and I love fun. Yeah, no, he's like writing down on a little paper.
Okay.

Tell me what happened again, but he, you know,

because it was

because it was what? I mean, they can't hold pens. They can't hold pens.
So why would he have

one?

Some of the other yeah, there's a lot of things that don't make sense. Right.
It's just especially it's I'm not going to keep let's move forward into the the paper. So you're like an ACAB guy.

You're like an all-cops or bastards guy. That's who you are.
That's not even what I'm saying. I'm just saying I wouldn't call gopher police because I don't have their number, and it was also a mole.

Yeah, but nobody should look as confused as you two do right now.

Well, it's weird that you're just thinking like murder is okay. You don't solve them.
I don't think murder is okay. I just think a star-nosed mole,

a star-nosed mole rat, that's what it looks like.

Let's see. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, okay. You didn't even like, oh, you didn't even look around for like a weapon, like a mini.
Want a weapon? Right. Want a weapon.
Another animal killed it. It's nature.

We're not going to do this. Let's push forward in the paper.
So if a person kills another person.

Don't follow up with anything else.

Be done following up.

Huh? So if a person kills another person, is that also not murder? Because we're having a. I'm a human.
Yeah, I'm a little more biased than what actions I will take at that point.

I don't think if I called the cops, even if they were gopher cops over a dead dead molten. Literally,

that's the gopher job.

I don't think

I don't understand

much of what's happening. See all underground crime.

You are living in like Zootopia world.

Aren't we all, though? No.

Wait, Zootopia, that was the.

Don't

go ahead. No.
You too album. No.

No.

This next one's off of Zootopia.

There's some really good gopher songs on that album.

Oh, yeah.

Well, here's something that'll make Gareth happy. Fisherman Dies in Snake River.
Yeah.

I love Snake River, by the way. Also,

I don't know why that's for me. Is that in Colorado? It's a lot of...

Wyoming. Wyoming.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's in a couple states.
Yeah, yeah,

a long winding river. Yeah, yeah, it keeps spreading.
It's a beautiful river. Oh, yeah.

Stanley Drage

in Salt Lake City drowned Sunday when he slipped into

Snake River Rapids near this western community while fighting a hooked fish.

That's any fish that's just been caught.

Yeah, hooked fish. Yeah, that's what it means.
Wait, he was fighting the

he was trying to reel in a fish. Reel it in.

Yeah.

Or fighting it. He could have taken out of the water and was like literally fisticurated.
And when he fell in, his buddy looked to his other buddy and went, this just got real.

Yes. I'm so back.
Gordon. It could have been the kids from the first thing with the boat.
Oh, yeah, the kids who made the beauty queen mom get all wet. What was that story about? I forget.

I thought it was about the foot fish. The footless lady.
The footless lady. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, the lady who's hot hot from the ankles up, but the rest is gone.

Like Paul McCartney's third wife.

Jesus. Bridget.
Jesus Christ.

She turned out to be horrible, too. I know.
That's why I wasn't afraid to take shots at her. Go.

Gordon Hepler, also of Salt Lake City, nearly lost his life in a rescue attempt, but was pulled ashore by his brother.

Drake's body was never recovered.

So he died in the river, and that was it. Now he's fish fruit.
But this is bullshit. That's just a soundbite.
That's not me.

That's not me responding to what you said. I just wanted to give you another clip to win.
15 in the clip machine. Where do you guys come up with this stuff?

This is gabbit, Tom.

It's actual papers that we're reading. New gas wholesaler.
A device. Yeah, that's a clip.

I realize it's real papers. I just wanted you to.
No, No, we get that. Did you just say gas hole?

B? Did you just say gas hole? Yeah. No, I said gas wholesaler.
You did say gas hole? Oh, that's completely different. Completely different.

A device that should make the most unruly mob say uncle is is a new machine gun that hurls gas shells instead of bullets. Oh my god.
There's a lot of crazy shit in very few words there. Oh cool.

What's a gas gas shell? It's a shell with gas. I'm not an idiot.
I don't know.

What is it?

It's an exploding.

Yeah, it's an exploding shell. So you're shooting

a gas. It's going to explode when it gets.
Why don't we? I like that. I don't think you will in the long run.
I don't think you would. Yeah, I don't think you're going to like it.

I think soon enough you will be like, that's a shame.

Yeah, we shouldn't do that. All right.
Well, I don't know. If you're going to do it.

Police Captain J.W. Johnson of Everett, Washington, is pictured just before he pulled the trigger of the Manville gas machine gun in a demonstration at the National Rifle matches at Camp Perry.

Yeah, he's holding a very large machine gun.

Oh, wow.

Then what happened?

Well, we know.

It's not coincidentally an Everett, because Everett was the place where they shot. They had a shootout with uh

uh union guys so i don't think it's a coincidence that they invited this gentleman to shoot

unions fuck everything up

oh my god that's so annoying with your needs

yeah no you're right

um

all right well let's read this about a

dying dog dog perishes trying to rescue yeah gareth asked for it he got it he doesn't care about animal murders so let's do this.

Trotting on a leash besides its master, a black retriever died trying to rescue an old man who started across the railway tracks in front of an onrushing train.

A passerby gave a warning shout, and the dog raced forward, caught the man's coat in his teeth, and tried to pull him back. Both the man and the dog were crushed under the wheels.
Oh, for fuck's sake.

Oh, no.

Let the guy go. Good lord.
Fuck that guy.

Seriously, fuck that guy. 1,000%.

Yes, that guy sucks. That guy.
Look, I'm sorry that that guy was probably trying to take his own life. He was probably, but dog killer.

Yeah, I would be like, I'm not going out killing a dog, too. I would pretend to get saved or something.
You don't let the fucking dog do that.

When I die, I'd like to have my dogs buried with me. Alive or dead.
Don't do that.

It's just a crazy way to end.

I'm pretty sure they won't. We can do another one here.
How about this one? Dog waits patiently for his master. Oh,

what a good boy. Different dogs.

Identified only as Bob, a name scratched on his collar.

A mongrel dog of reddish-brown color waited all night at the courthouse steps for the return of his master or mistress, who were evidently among the scores of California marriage license.

Marriage license seekers who invaded the courthouse yesterday. Oh, wow.
I love it. It's better.
I'm not going to lie. I'm still upset about the dog who got hit by the train because

I'm not thrilled with that.

But I do like the dog, the dog that's waiting outside with a bow tie. He's waiting for the people to get.
We can only assume.

Yes. A bow tie.
He had like a ring.

He's got a ring on a

little pill.

Yeah, in his paw. Yeah, yeah.
Waiting for the couple to go to the parking garage, if you know what I mean. Yeah, and just blood dripping from his fountain.
Different visions.

Oh, man.

Different visions.

The dog was still on the steps early today and refused to enter the courthouse, although he never took his eyes off the door. County clerk and Mrs.

Beamer fed him this morning and provided a pan of water for him. They were hoping that his newly wedded owner will remember and return to the courthouse.
Jesus Christ. This is another bad story.

This is another fucking dog bullshit story, you asshole. Wait, what happened?

The guy abandoned his dog. He forgot that his dog came, and then he brought his dog to live with us.
This guy left his fucking dog. God.

Christ. I like how Dave is like, here's a happy one.

Well, I'm sure it worked out. Oh, yeah, I'm sure it worked out.
Oh, I actually missed the bottom of this. And the owner came back, and everyone's fine.
There it is.

Christian fucking cry, babies. All right.
You know what? Screw you. Well, Dave Dave Hill,

you are a clip machine

for the socials.

And I don't even know what we're going to do with all this.

I was not expecting that one.

That's another.

That's another one.

I'm going to do one right now. Oh, I'll tell you what.
If that was me, I'd be like, I could get used to this.

Okay, so now we got a bunch of them. Dave Anthony, you want to do one?

No.

All right. Well, Dave, thank you for joining us.

I'm in a good way. Things are so good.
You have many guitars. You have multiple BMXs.
It seems like an embarrassment of CPAP machines you have over there. I do, yeah.

You're wearing hats to bed.

You're doing tons of shows. And is your web, what is your website? I'm glad you asked.
Thank you. DaveHillonline.com.
Oh, my Instagram is at MrDaveHill at MR Dave Hill. Okay.
Thanks. So follow Dave.

He's truly the funniest. And

very quickly, Dave and I were one time at a festival together, and we used to have this bit where every time Dave would try to drink his beer, I would stop him.

And I'd be like, no, like he wasn't allowed to drink or something. We were at a bar once and he kept doing it and I kept going, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

And eventually this bartender goes, stop telling him not to drink the beer.

He was so irritated with that. It was, but it was, oh, it was fun.

Yeah.

I think that was at the Doug Fir at

Portland. Yeah, it was Portland.
Yeah. Yeah, I remember.
Well, Dave, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for having me.
I'm sorry I was late. I'm done.
Stop apologizing. Stop.

No more. But it's good.

Yeah, no more. All right, hopefully I see you guys in person.
Not going to happen. We got to go.
I would like that. I don't know.

Thanks so much, Dave. Thank you.

Some of these days,

you'll miss me, honey.

Some of these days.

What could be better than seeing Gareth Reynolds do stand-up? Go to GarethReynolds.com for tickets and information. I will be in Omaha on November 28th and 29th.

I will be in Vancouver, British Columbia on December 2nd, Seattle, Washington, December 3rd, Eugene, Oregon, December 4th. Then I will also be in Kansas City, Missouri doing a makeup show.

Come on, everybody. Shake off the new year, January 2nd, January 3rd.
And just announced, I will be back in Portland. Oregon at Helium Comedy Club on February 6th and February 7th.

That's going to be a five-show weekend over two nights. So go to GarethReynolds.com for tickets and information.
Join me.

Oregovatazona? Is that a word? In the new 2026 Kia Sportage turbo hybrid, it might as well be because it can be one road trip.

It's all about turbocharged power and hybrid efficiency working together so you get the thrill of quick acceleration and the satisfaction of fuel efficiency.

Book a test drive and keep the adventure going. Kia, movement that inspires.
Call 800-3334-Kia for details. Always drive safely.