146 - The Past Times with BillyWayneDavis

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All right, everybody, welcome to the Pastimes podcast.

Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony.

I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before, and neither is our guest this week.

The great Billy Wayne Davis.

Hello, Billy.

I still have your sticker on my suitcase when you're

your little Billy Wayne sticker.

You've made it.

I made it.

You were going going to say something before I interjected a little bit of

anything you care to talk about?

Comedian just being like,

for sure, just a noise.

If what I was going to say was

a bicycle horn.

I would love to hear it.

You know, just

to be honest.

Yeah.

See?

That's what my words would have been.

Well, I don't.

I mean, we're distracted.

Let's be honest.

Yeah.

A crazy thing has happened in the news, and we're still recording.

I think if you are, you know, whenever this comes out, you will recognize the crazy thing that's happened.

You know, it's that thing where that thing happened to the guy and his neck and that thing.

Yeah.

Billy, what can we promote for you?

What do you, you're always around.

Where are you?

Are you in a shit?

You define my career.

He's around.

Great.

That's no, that's what I, and I've been bragging about that.

It's like, okay.

That's the goal.

Yeah, you're always around.

I'm like, that is, thank God.

Yeah.

Because some go away.

They do.

I am touring just constantly.

That never ends.

I love when people are like, you don't tour.

I feel like I guess.

Yeah.

I guess.

Do your kids remember you?

Yes.

I've changed the way I do it so I can be home more, but it is more intense when I'm away and not as fun.

It's

a dog.

How old's the little one now?

Six.

Oh, okay.

So sports and like getting into that stuff.

So that's why I'm trying to be.

Yeah.

Are you noticing a bump?

Are you noticing a bump in ticket sales with the John Reap vacuum?

Not yet.

I think he made a turn

last year

that

really separated our audiences.

Yep.

Sounds like that's true.

So, and it was perplexing to me when

I was like, when he made that turn, I was like, A, that he just went political at all was fascinating to me.

Yeah.

Because he wasn't ever that.

Yeah.

So I was like, huh.

But now we know.

You won.

Now we know.

You won.

There's so many more.

For those who don't know, I wish there were just like two of us, but there's so many more of us here.

Well, where do people get your tour dates, Billy?

BillyWayneDavis.com?

BWDTour.com.

I do not know who owns Billy Wayne Davis.

I do.

Do you?

Yeah.

You spent more money than you should have on that.

I agree with you.

Just put pictures of buttholes up.

Yeah, that would be actually better promotion than what I got started.

It's actually funny because the guy who edits these,

our editor Preston, he posted a picture of his butthole when the Nuggets won the NBA championship a few years ago.

He did.

He said he would, right?

And he did.

Billy, we're not here to talk about Preston's butthole.

We're not here to talk about the fact that who knows what's going to happen after the hour of this recording.

Probably, I don't know, mass arrests.

Who knows?

We're going to guess.

It's Utah, so they can't, it's got to be super confusing.

It is confusing.

Because they can't just

go in there and be like, ah, because even Utah is like, hey, we like you.

No, if you're going to do something like this, Utah is the right place for it because,

you know, it's Utah.

It's very confusing there it's Utah yeah yeah couldn't be wider

don't wink Dave Billy you will be guessing what year this newspaper is from

could be

from today

could be from 200 years ago you'll guess first I'll guess second you'll be the winner because Dave has sort of this weird issue that we can't really figure out and he just sits there winks through it.

He's doing some eyebrow stuff.

Doesn't matter.

So, Billy, year, go ahead, take a stab, take a shot:

197.

1907 or 19.

19 and then any,

this is a good guess.

19 and then any seven after that.

So, it's a good guess.

So, one ninety

gambling, Vegas.

You covered all the sevens after

10 opportunities.

Dave, Dave,

I'm like, 20 opportunities.

Dave, I don't think anyone's ever not done this part properly, but I do think that that was wrong.

But you're saying that that's.

Who's to say it's not properly?

Because it's not a good idea.

He said 1907.

Yes, so it's 1900s and then all sevens.

So he's essentially picked 20 different years in a very clever way.

So you're supporting what he's done.

I feel like this is just going to give you more cover to make him win.

I don't know.

I feel like I'm hanging out with my wife and her family because I say one thing and then you guys just

go about what I said.

I'm going to say 1892.

189.

Well, you're way off.

It's the 1900s.

It's 1932.

And since Billy guessed 1927 and 1937, he clearly is like a double winner.

He said 1907.

Nope.

Said 1977.

Yeah, he said all the sevens.

No, he didn't.

He said,

Biddley.

Said closest one to the winner.

All right, whatever.

So, 19,

yeah, whatever.

April 11th, 1932, Atlanta, Georgia.

Now, I didn't pick this paper, Preston did.

Already, Preston.

So I'm going to tell you.

Just the date and the location.

I'm not okay.

Gets rid of two-timing wife.

Dave, Dave, read the paper, not your notes.

Charging that he was a victim of cruel treatment at the hands of his wife, Miss Mabel Taylor.

Will Taylor, Wednesday afternoon, was given his freedom from marital duties in Judge

Verilyn Moore's division of Fulton Superior Court.

Taylor told the court his wife had struck him on several occasions and that he had come home one night and found her with a man.

I want more detail.

Yeah.

Yeah, were they like, was he eating?

Was he banging around the table?

Like I need a, I need he's banging around the table more than he's eating.

He's probably eating and then banging her around the table.

So so he's he's he's fucking her on the table while he's like chewing on a turkey leg.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That is just that is disrespectful.

Yeah.

Now that I think we can agree that that's a little rude.

That's disrespectful.

That is not okay.

and my supper i think it's the second part where i would be like come on man

oh my god my damn here like you're just being addicted about the second part like the first part i get it she's high i get it she's got its little twinkle again she got me she got me i get it but leave my

the lamp he better he better not have touched the pie

right to the fridge or the ice box

mental anguish resulting from his wife's abuse kept him from his work.

He told the court he was given his divorce.

Hmm.

So they had to have been doing it because you can't.

Yes.

I think everyone had to know.

Because even if the judge is like, yeah, dude, we know.

Yeah, because it's like that's a long time ago where you're like, you had to

just make stuff up.

I'm like today.

It doesn't say what.

I mean, he came home one.

night.

I don't know what I'm saying.

You're right.

It's the most, you make the most depressing point.

I don't feel good.

I don't feel good.

He came home one night.

So this was just at night.

Like

she knew she was going to get caught.

It's worth it.

Yeah, sometimes it's just hot.

It's a hot moment.

You got to go for it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's fine.

All right.

Six.

That's it.

That's the story.

It's kind of a slow Newsday, though.

Everybody wants more.

That should have been more detail.

I don't like the lack of detail in there.

I want slower details.

Like, to me, this is.

It's the room of the room, the sounds of the room.

To me, this is the whole front page.

Goo quality.

But also, men were dumb as shit back then, too.

So it could have just been.

I came home, she's sitting on the porch with another man, and they just talking about.

That's true.

And you're just like, what are they doing?

They're talking.

Connected.

He had my turkey leg in his hand.

Turkey.

So you didn't fuck her or anything?

No.

She's married.

What?

What?

What's wrong with you, Judge?

That's not possible.

And you're like, okay.

All right.

I got to get this lady out of here.

A six-fingered man breaks out of Georgia jail.

Well, it's pretty easy for him to pick that lock.

He's got that extra digit advantage.

Roscoe Pico train situation going on there where it's like, I bet you I have six fingers on my hand.

I bet you

if I do, you got to let me out of this jail.

And the guy's like, I'll take that, man.

Six finger man.

Now, who's Roscoe Pico?

I don't know who that is.

You never seen the Duke's a hazard?

Oh, yeah.

He's the sheriff.

Oh, the guys are

Yeah, he's real dumb, dumb.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Nope, for the impression.

I just want to know why you think having an extra finger will help you pick a lock.

Because

you got a digit advantage.

Look.

Okay, here I am picking a lock.

How big are the keys in Wisconsin?

How does that key?

It's like a, he's like going in there and then he's like, but he's got this extra like, all right, now there.

What's he doing with that one?

What's the extra digit doing?

He's got an extra.

There's more dexterity to the digis.

Look at that.

For those of you who aren't on YouTube, you really should get there because what I'm doing right now is some fantastic finger work.

I must say.

Even for me,

this is great.

Look at this.

Which one's fake, boys?

It's like an octopus impression.

Which one's fake?

You're not going to get a job on the Muppets.

I will too.

Nope.

Nope.

You won't.

Yeah, it's the, yeah.

All right, we can keep going.

I really would encourage people to go to the Dallop YouTube and check out what I just did.

It was good.

It's like if David Blaine was here, yeah, thank you.

The best.

Police were on the lookout Tuesday night for an automobile belonging to McCullough Brothers Produce.

Number nine, Produce Row.

Oh, that's the address.

What a weird.

I love hell.

It's a plug.

Just not.

We've had to get clever with street names and stuff.

Yes.

You're absolutely.

Because people are just to be like, that's Produce Road.

What's down there?

Where the food is.

You know what's near Food Alley.

It's Produce Road.

And in the main street.

Yeah.

I do think that all the time.

I'm like, it had to be exhausting to just eventually be like, all right, this one.

i don't know purdue now come on let's keep thinking

mark but marks marks burgers stop york we're heavy york new york all right i get i mean that's technically true

pineapple

no

what other cities have you worked on We checked out your street packet.

It was pretty good.

Your resume is pretty good.

Some of the other cities, we love some of the other cities.

So you did Michigan.

That's a great state.

I love people who are stealing cars when there were like eight cars.

That's so crazy.

Well,

yeah, but they are so calm.

There's like four.

We're just going to catch it.

Yeah, exactly.

If they come to get it, then you're gone.

But I agree that they're going to fucking piece together who you are.

There's like five cars.

Just all of a sudden there's a new car parked in front of your little log cabin.

That's my car.

No.

No.

No,

I got number nine.

No, I got a metal horse.

That's a horse.

Yeah.

You need to get off my property.

Two horses in a car costume.

Police were on the lookout Tuesday night for an automobile belonging to McCullough Brothers produce, which was stolen in Lawrenceville early in the evening.

It is believed that the car was taken by

a black man who escaped from jail a short time prior

to the disappearance of the car.

To the disappearance of the car, authorities were given very little description of the fugitive other than he had six fingers on his left hand.

It's a black guy with six fingers.

Yeah, that's fucking top.

What did he look like?

Well, his nickname is 660, and he's got six fingers.

Six digiplex.

Yeah, but what did he look like?

He's got six fingers.

I don't know.

The idea is

asking.

And he's driving in the one car that says produce on the side of it.

That's another.

It's going to be hard to find the six-finger black man in a produce mobile in this town, but I think the cops might be able to do it.

You don't even need the black part, honestly.

You don't even need that part.

Actually, we do.

As the pullback,

every sheriff, every produce car I pull over has a black gentleman with six fingers driving.

It's vexing.

It is vexing.

It's difficult.

Now, what is that?

What is vexing?

That's when you sit in a sauna.

Yep.

Fair enough.

Any more questions?

Thank you.

Nope.

Appreciate it.

Didn't want her to attend church, so lover slashes.

Oh, it's going to be good.

Okay.

You know what?

As a headline, you do have my attention.

Yes.

I would say.

I'm going to click on that.

I'd like to read a bit more.

Read more, please.

Angry because she told him that she was going to church, Will White, 263 Old Wheat Street, cut his sweetheart

Old Wheat Street.

It was just normal Wheat Street to that motherfucker over there.

Old Wheat

cut his sweetheart, Miss Lizzie May Brown of 267 Old Wheat Street.

So they live

next door to each other.

On Old Wheat.

Yeah.

Cut her on the head about 9 o'clock Wednesday night at her home.

Cut her on the head.

Can we get a better medical diagnosis?

It's around the top part.

Stabbed her head.

Yeah, there's a lot of places in the head you could cut someone.

Yeah, where are we talking?

For instance, he did top.

He did.

Yeah, I guess.

Also, I like they prefaced it with cut his sweetheart.

I think maybe they're on the rocks nah

so foreplay no terms of endearment please it's a weird line between arguing and foreplay

that's true same energy yeah do you not do some early gigs on the road and you're like this lady likes me

to like you

she is making that big hillbilly over there mad at you and then they get to go to the business is very specific billy yeah no this is very happened more than once to where i was like oh this is a thing that's happening i should go okay wait a minute i'm being trapped it was the second time it happens you're like oh

weird

the first time you're like

crazy

role for you yeah

make them jealous comedian

it's you're in a small town you're the new dude and then they're not it's

new dudes new that new dude smell good for you that's part of why comedians are like, oh, I don't want to do this.

A, it didn't pay, and I got shot at.

Fuck this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The young lady told Officer Wiley

at the Grady where she was taken for treatment that her lover came to her home and asked her where she was going.

I'm going to church, she replied.

Miss Brown was brooded to return to her home after a small forehead laceration was sewed up.

He shot her.

So he cut her on the forehead.

Stabbed her forehead for going to church.

It's interesting to go to someone close and be like, where are you going?

And then cut them.

As someone that used to drink pretty heavy in my 20s, that sounds like he came home and was like, where are you going?

Yeah, he probably had a good little

weather.

And she

was

at church because she's like a person.

In the 20s, it's like, hey, we go to church on Sundays, whether you believe it or not.

You have to.

Wednesday night.

Wednesday night.

Best night.

Yeah.

Awesome.

She was going to church.

Like Thursday night.

He didn't believe her.

He didn't, but he wasn't buying it.

No.

No, I will say it's nice.

Back then,

a male stab into the forehead, like a slice.

That's that's flirting.

That's nothing.

I like that.

They worded it like, hey sliced her, and then she got to go home.

He gave her a slice.

Bing bang, boom.

Now she's back.

I gave her a thing and then she, I let her leave.

What the hell?

She ain't a hostage.

But now when she's out, everybody out there will be like, oh, she's taken.

Yeah.

Oh, she got the.

Guess who ain't going to church anymore?

I do support stopping people from going to church.

I do support that part of it.

But this way?

Slicing?

That's the line is you can't cut them.

I think.

And now, have you been saying that before this episode?

That you can't cut them to stop them?

Yeah, you can't cut them.

Okay.

Okay.

Interesting.

So you're being consistent.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Yes.

I've always said that.

Yes.

Yeah.

You can't stop them violently.

Okay.

No.

You see, you really.

It's a lot of tells.

You're touching your face.

What is funny, though, is like he did let her go after, and she kind of just went to church.

Well, I mean, it seems like he just needed, he's just kind of looking for.

She's bleeding from her head.

She's bleeding.

Yeah.

So that's not a great church look.

You know what I mean?

Unless you're going to a satanic church.

If you're going to a satanic church.

Billy has access to a whole different set of etiquette than we're familiar with.

Did a lot of the people you knew growing up in your little

bleed when they went to church?

Was there bleeders?

They didn't show up bleeding, I don't think you know who applied

their forehead.

I mean, there's sports being played and stuff,

yeah.

I saw some, yeah, Jesus.

I never saw, you know, I never saw a fight at church or anything.

Pretty cool.

Sounds like a weak church.

Yep, Angry Daughter takes poison-based, didn't really believe in a lot of God.

Angry daughter takes poison.

Angered, as her mother told hospital attachés because some small whim had not been granted, Miss Gladys Bebel,

316 Lee Street, was given treatment at the Grady Hospital about 6.30 Sunday evening for some iodine, which she is supposed to have swallowed during her tantrum.

Wow.

Iodine just makes you throw up, doesn't it?

Iodine?

I don't know.

Maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe I'm wrong.

You're thinking of Epicac.

I think that's what you're thinking of.

But I don't think it's.

Ipocac's the Barfin poison.

Yeah, that's the one that makes it.

Oh, yeah.

Abdominal.

Abdominal.

I think you can have a little bit of iodine.

Large doses can cause harm.

So you got to drink a little bit.

You got to take a lot.

A little bit.

I'm glad us three did not know each other when we were really drinking.

It's good idea.

This conversation is like, I do, I'm with you.

I'm like, I think you can have a little bit of this.

You can have a touch.

Yeah.

Iodine's like mercury.

You can have a baby dough.

Yeah, just put in your eyeball a little bit.

Yeah, you can have a little bit of iodine.

Okay, here's the symptoms.

I mean, it's got the word dying in it.

Of course, you can eat a little.

Yeah.

Here's the symptoms: abdominal pain, coughing, delirium, diarrhea, sometimes bloody fever, gum, and tooth soreness, loss of appetite, metallic taste, mouth and throat pain, and burning, no urine output, rash,

salvation,

Salvation.

Salvation.

Salvation is a great time.

Salvation.

Shock show this break.

I'm going to heaven because it feels like I'm dying right now.

Oh, they say, don't make the person throw up.

Give them milk.

Yeah, no, by the way, for anyone listening, if you do drink too much iodine, milk your way out of that problem.

That's how you're going to get out of that card.

Don't be the friend to throw a couple of milk punches that dine's way.

You got it.

You bet you just some

just distraught dude coming in your house.

Get out of the way.

I need milk.

Milk.

He just drank a ghost pepper hot sauce.

Hot sauce and iodine are very similar.

I don't know what you've done to yourself, but you're not welcome in my home.

A little milk.

That's so fun.

Godzilla, you're a little bit more.

Iodining again.

Shut up, woman.

The boys are being boys.

The young lady, however, who was treated by Dr.

Rice, made a poor attempt to end her life as very little of the poison entered her body, the greater part being spilled upon her clothes.

Her condition was regarded as extremely mild, and her mother took her home after her arrival.

Okay, so yeah,

it's what we call a dying for help.

I mean, that's all she's doing.

She's fake dying.

She's fake dining, and she's getting mostly on her clothes because she just wants the attention.

If you really wanted to die from iodine, you would drink a fuck, you pound it.

Yeah, you get it.

It's like an accountability.

She's like, no,

I don't want accountability.

So

I'm going to do some WWE moves here.

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

She's fucking, you know.

And then her mom's probably like, all right, bitch, we're going to put you in the newspaper.

You got to drink a hero's dose of dine if you want to really go.

Because it sounds like mom's probably just as dramatic if this makes the news.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It shouldn't have, it's not newsworthy at all.

It's not even remotely newsworthy.

Yeah, but it sounds like that's like a...

Wait, how many fingers she have?

17.

17 on the left hand and four on the right.

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Good tasting fish had one too many bones for him.

Good tasting fish had one too many bones for you.

Good tasting fish had one too many bones for him.

Amon McLannan,

321 Tottenham Street, had fish to eat Sunday.

This is a wild thing to have in the paper.

What if that was the whole story?

It feels like it's pretty, I mean, it's got one too many bones in it.

It's just, that's what celebrity gossip is.

No, but, yeah.

It kind of is.

It is.

It's like, hey, these two ding bats went and had fish tonight.

Did you see them out?

They were touching.

It is true.

It's also what the society wanted.

They were touching.

Billy's TMZ is fucking phenomenal.

Did you see these two ding bats at dinner?

They were touching.

That's what it is.

That's what your channel is.

What they say.

Your channel is called, That's what it is.

That's what it is.

That's what they're doing, though.

I mean, not what the touching is, but that's what those sites and stuff they're always like.

And this skinny person and this skinny person were touching hands where they served dead fish.

And you're like, fuck yeah, they are.

Look at that.

Touching hands.

Where we're not allowed?

Maybe they was touching hands.

The fish tasted mighty good, but Mr.

McLannon found that he was having difficulty getting it down.

Oh,

he's just taking a whole fish.

Yeah,

he's fucking heath clipping it.

The bones hurt my throat.

Have you tried not eating the bones, huh?

I don't know.

I think I'm running out of enzymes.

It's smooth this way.

It hurts when i pull it back out

i'm inside of a barbed puzzle she dilute it with iodine

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

milk milk go get us milk

he's joking on fish bones that he drowned in iodine

He was rushed to the Grady Hospital where Dr.

Anderson extracted a nice sized fish bone from his throat in such

in such a skillful manner that it was not necessary for him to remain in the hospital for further attention.

Wow, he fucking left hospital that night.

He plucked it out and they didn't, and the guy didn't like

slice the bone up all the way up his throat.

He pulled it nicely out,

and that was that.

It's a strange time.

How big was this bone, and how was this guy eating the fish?

There's so many, so many, so many questions.

He had to be eating it like a cartoon cat and it had to be quite big yeah it had to be big because when you eat a fish with bone you're careful about it like that's just part of the process that's where he misstepped

that's what you can that's what i'm with like if you if the dude could pull it out

that means it's like substantial

it's spick blind spine yeah yeah it's spine isn't it it's not like because the rest of those

are so brittle that they just crush crush, then that's the danger.

It's like they just kind of cut you.

And here's the other part: go ahead.

When you bite into fish with bone in it, you go, sure,

well, not

before they knew that bone was wrong.

This is a different time.

It was like cocaine.

It was like around the time they were just like, well, it was used for everything.

You're right.

Yeah, you just expected your body to do the work.

Sure, you didn't want to shit it out, but whatever.

That is

well, you guys can come to me with any questions.

I'm not going to.

Yeah, you should.

Go ahead, Billy.

I like the option, but I'm probably never going to use it.

I like it.

You'll come to me.

You will come to me.

You'll be coming to me.

That's cool.

Mark my words.

I don't think there's, I feel like there's not many people on earth who would come to you with questions.

Many would come to me with questions.

Many have, and many have been very satisfied with the answers to their questions, and many more will come to me with questions.

I want to treat that option.

And Billy will be among them.

I'm going to treat that option like Peyton Manning running the option, which is like, you know, I'm not going to run that.

I'm going to pitch it.

I'm not.

Every now and then for a change up, you might want to run it to

keep them honest.

So, Billy, yeah, Billy, you will come to me with questions and so will you, David.

I won't.

If you have questions, yes, you will.

You both will.

I'm very when was the last time someone asked you a question and what was the answer?

Oh, what was the you don't even want to know the question?

Uh, that was two days ago, and the answer was, I wouldn't, but bring a tire iron.

Was this about going out to the end?

Even when that answer is the correct answer, I still think it's the wrong answer.

No.

You both will come to me with questions, and I will solve your problems.

And you're being fun on air because you guys like to have fun.

But you both know off air, you will be coming to me with questions, and I will be solving them, and you will be thankful.

And just

quit shaking your your head billy

i'm gonna make i'm gonna make you i'm gonna make you earn the answers if you keep shaking your heads the both of you when we're not recording i'm genuinely worried about you sometimes wrong you're always texting me stuff about how much you need me always

and you dave those are those that's a proof-of-life question is what that is

i i can see i can see you to be the not question man

You will eat those words when you ask me advice very soon.

And the advice will be about your personal relationships, and you will have some that are business-related.

Yes, he will.

And yes, you will.

Next article.

It did feel like we were like in like a small town, small claims court right there, where I was like, I don't even know why we're here.

But like, the judge is mad and he's a good person.

Well, the judge.

Oh, you mean the person with all the questions, the adult in the room?

Interesting.

How you wouldn't want to go there for some knowledge.

Go now, Dave.

Read it.

Or I'll make one up.

Fine, I'll make one up.

Man loses shoeballs.

Go ahead.

14 shoeball court is the name.

I'll keep making it up.

Ship wanted for questioning.

Next.

All the airlines I'm clicking on.

Yeah.

12 months given chicken thief.

That's a year.

That is a year.

The price of chickens went up on the market Monday when Leon Carter discovered that it would require exactly 12 months at hard labor to repay society in general for the chickens that he stole from the hen house of N.

Wallace on March 3rd.

Hmm.

That's so

good.

You stole it.

Why would the price go up of chickens, though, if they caught the thief?

The price of chickens.

Well, but I don't think there's, I don't think there's, they're not saying that the price of chickens goes up because of the theft, right?

They're just saying I think that's why he stole the chicken.

No, the market price went up, meaning

how much you sell chickens to the market.

So the value, it became more valuable.

That's partially why he told the chicken, right?

Right.

Okay.

Now, wait a second.

He's de beersing it.

He's hoarding supply and demand.

He's getting the diamonds.

I feel like I gave Dave some clarity on something, and you're telling me you two wouldn't want to come to me with questions?

Listen,

okay.

I want to talk to both your wife.

If I have any chicken-based questions, I will come to you.

I'm a dearth of knowledge outside of chicken, Billy, and you know that.

Billy, he's a vegetarian.

I have started to eat some chicken every now and then.

So there.

Because my doctor told me to, because I was dying.

And just what that perspective gave me.

I went mad at the moment.

A lot of knowledge.

A lot of knowledge.

I'm not even listening.

I'm talking over you.

I'm talking over you because what you should be doing is listening and not talking right now.

That seems like good advice.

See?

Hey, in the comments, there's always, can I just, I would, in the comments of all these, there's always like two or three people who are like, I can't tell if they like each other or not.

And it is my favorite part of the thing.

No, any three.

Like me and and Dave, like anytime we don't laugh afterwards, people are always just like, I think they hate each other.

I'm like,

it's pretty endless.

It really is.

It's so funny to me that people don't get what comedians do.

Like, it's just like

coming on the show and I hate you.

That's like another one.

It's like.

No, there's so many times.

Like, there are, it is, it's so interesting.

It's very interesting when you are part of speculation, because you're just so used to speculating.

When you're actually part of speculation, it almost removes all the fun out of speculating.

Because you're like, you're so wrong about some of this stuff.

Like,

it's just, but we get that all the time.

People are like, you guys hate each other.

We're like, we fucking, no.

Yeah, we totally hate each other.

That's what we talk about.

Podcasts together all the time.

It's like, no one's making morning 90s zoo crew money that you are forced to do this.

It's the the right people you know.

That's right.

It's just not how it works anymore.

No,

it's fucking it's Kevin and Bean hated each other and Kevin lived in Seattle and had a T1 line put in and did it did his side out of a barn in a fucking studio.

By the way, there were three or four that I got to go on during that early.

I was going to say, weren't you involved in them a little bit?

Would you just go on to some of them and then you'd just be like, yeah, you'd just be in a room with like one dude and you're like, we're in the right, oh, that motherfucker's over.

And you're just like, Okay, all right.

No, I remember some guy in some huge guy,

like I can't remember his name, I won't get it right, but he was like in Minnesota, he was like huge.

And then I go into the radio station, and uh, you know, the first couple times I did like the morning radio, he was there, and then it was like two years later, like he did it from home, and they were like, Uh, so he now does it from home, but we don't talk about that.

And I was like, Okay,

and uh, I was just like sitting there, And it was like, there was like a momentary delay where he'd be like, that's hilarious.

He's Gareth Reynolds.

He's performing this weekend in Acme.

And I was just like, wait, what is going on?

You're like, why couldn't I do this in my hotel room?

Why might I have to find it?

Yeah.

How about I phone it in?

Yeah.

Okay.

His supposed companion in the chicken crime, Miss Viola Gates, sat beside him in Judge Hutchinson's special courtroom on the ninth floor of the courthouse.

You guys are going to go go to special court

because this is super weird.

Hell yeah.

Hell yeah.

Score.

Hell yeah.

All right.

Ninth floor of the courthouse as the web of evidence was spun around him.

The date of her trial has not been set.

According to witnesses, one brown leghorn hen, three gray hens, seven white rock hens, and one white rock rooster disappeared due to the effects efforts of the couple

now

you're you're uh you're from tennessee did you picture i assume you guys just know all all kinds of chickens

i mean

i'm aware of them um

very delicate

could you which one is

there are different

as i named them

there are like they once again it's kind of how they named everything.

Then they're very specific.

And you're like, yeah, that is how that looks because it's like a speckled hen hen.

You're like, yeah, that's speckled on there.

Yeah.

What you also not realized is like

some of those hens, they're special breeds or whatever.

Like,

it's a lot of eggs.

More than a lot of people.

That's not going to be a problem, Billy.

I'll step in.

You let me know if there's any egg problem.

I'm your guy.

Okay?

You let me know if anyone's got some egg issues.

I can eat us right out of that.

I'll hard boil a couple and I'll probably scramble a few more.

Preston says you can just mute your mic.

No.

Do you have a particular hen egg that you enjoy, Reynolds?

Oh, first of all.

First of all, let's get into the speculation now that you're calling me Reynolds.

There's tension.

You know, Dave, I love all my eggs.

I'm an equal opportunity egg eater.

I love them all.

You know, you name it.

You want to give me a speckled?

You want to give me a gray?

You want to give me a regular brown?

Whatever you want.

Pigeon.

I don't judge a yolk by the shell.

Pigeon?

Yeah, I love a pigeon.

This woman at the farmer's market gave me free quail the other day.

Tell you what, weirdest thing I've ever gone through, but I told her I liked them.

Thank you.

Why was it weird?

I didn't crack the shell properly.

Yep, impossible to crack the shell.

Yep, I ended up eating a bunch of quail shells, too.

I don't care, and I didn't even give a shit.

Fuck it, I'll chew them whole.

I'll fucking eat the goddamn chicken just to get a chicken.

I'm with that.

He's deflecting because I do think that lady was messing with you.

No, wrong.

Wrong, wrong.

She was like, you know, that yappy boy that thinks he knows all about chickens.

Excuse me.

This is once again.

Once again, Gareth,

quail eggs.

I'm home to make quail eggs.

Adeline.

That's what I told him.

Adeline.

You have once again confused being a customer with being a friend at the farmer's market.

They're not your friends, and you're a customer.

They do.

They are charming.

That is how they get.

They are giving me magazines about their families.

There is a lot going on.

I know people on a first-day basis.

They don't even weigh my stuff sometimes.

They just got to give you 12.

You're the guy that needs the weed dealer to be your friend.

No.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Where the weed dealer is like, hey, man, you got some stuff to do.

You got to get out of here.

That's never been me.

How fucking dare you?

The situation where the weed dealer is like, all right, man, well, you got that grass.

You should probably get out of here.

Need you to get out of here, man.

All right, man.

I don't really want to talk anymore.

The market price of these fine fowls reached the grand sum of $9.60.

Jesus Christ.

Judge Hutchinson

is presiding over this additional section of the Superior Court as Judge Humphreys is in charge of the

mutton, I can't read it, motion docket, maybe, while Judge Pomeroy is supervising the trial of the slayers of Detective Fisher.

So

that guy is overseeing a murder case, and this guy gets chicken court.

Yeah, no, I would want chicken court.

I would much rather chicken court.

But a year for stealing 12 months to be fair it's crazy

we don't know if i'm surprised they didn't send some to transportation

history joke

we get it

uh yeah

billy text me what happened just now

we get it idiot

billy text billy text me why that is good i think he's having a stroke Oh,

we get it.

Toast.

Apply gasoline to boys' feet.

Ignite it.

That'll do it every time.

Sorry.

That will hurt the billy.

The billionaire.

I've seen it done a couple times, so it will do it every time.

But are you not curious why that is in why that's how you just start?

I just thought it was a question.

I was

Dave's reading.

Dave's reading.

Dave's reading.

Little Rock, Arkansas.

L.D.

Holman, 13-year-old boy, was the victim of an odd prank here Monday night.

Oh, it was a

prank.

You never set your book on fire?

Absolutely, I have.

For fun?

Yes.

I actually probably have come pretty close to setting my friend on a prank.

Yeah,

we did used to have Roman candle battles.

Roman candle.

I used to light my socks on fire quite often.

Sure.

While they were on.

What?

Sitting around the house?

Yeah, yeah.

Huh.

Y'all drink.

drink it's the drinking in wisconsin's just so much but it don't don't affect it don't affect the inside your skull nope nope nope that's right that's right never do if that's the rule in what's if your hands are thick enough booze is not poison that's right

it's the wisconsin rule fine

some it's the rest of the coffee's weak

yeah

the victim of an odd prank here monday night when a group of boys seized him poured gasoline on his shoes and then set a match on them Hey, you know what most pranks?

Why is that in the news?

It's awesome.

It's important.

I don't think most pranks start with seizing.

That sounds like every field party I've ever been to.

Yeah,

it's a difference.

It's like around 1 a.m.

that somebody's going to try to throw a knife or set someone on fire.

Not like violently, just more like, hey, fun.

Fuck you.

Yeah, it's just like, ow, fuck.

I'll come to the blade park.

You know, you dickheads.

He saved himself after severe burning by jumping into a pool.

So he was severely burned because his feet were on fire.

Yeah, but it's funny.

How?

Well, they did pour gas on it.

That is the

funny way.

It went up pretty big if they poured gas on it.

Yeah, that is.

But I'm sorry, not to just be the odd men out, but

it's funnier because of the gas.

Well, gas is not like lighter fluid, which kind of just funnier.

Well, gas will catch you on fire lighter fluid you yes exactly burns up and then it's kind of gone yeah so over the prank is not long term the you want a prank that lasts longer we're saying dave

so the i prefer i prefer like a chemical burn to actually yeah that's it you want a chemical over the scoring yeah i mean like have you ever blown up a friend as a big old goofy prank

Like

here's where my

prank, I hit my friend with a car and he passed.

That's

do you know what I'm saying?

That's funny.

Those pranks are good.

I knew two dudes that set off a bomb in the state park, and one of them's dad was the superintendent of the state park.

So,

yeah,

that's the best place for him to do it, then.

That's what I thought.

You know, it was in the woods away from the

400 yards away from the pool.

That's what it was.

Yeah.

How big of a cop?

It should.

I mean, yeah, I know about it.

I'm telling you about it.

Yes.

I remember when it happened, like how casually I was told about it.

You know, like, it was like hours into a hangout kind of thing.

We're like, oh, did you hear so-and-so-and-so?

They set off a bomb at the thing.

And you're like, what?

You're like, what?

That's.

Yeah.

Like, even then, I was like, that's crazy.

Funny, right?

Like, it's pretty funny, right?

And I was like, I just, that's so

crazy.

Let me ask you a question: What are you supposed to do with the bomb then?

I mean, listen, I did, I did ask how they built it, and all that was fascinating.

Yes, of course, you did.

Yes, I was sitting there.

Now, I know how, yeah, I do know how it's good.

Like,

I mean, I think back to that, and me and my friends used to make pipe bombs, yeah,

it's insane, yeah.

Oh, the thing

was,

no one was watching us, we made pipe bombs.

My cousin and I used to

put Axe body spray in a balloon, fill a balloon with Axe body spray.

Like it would inflate.

We would knot it off.

And this is in his room.

We would put, you're both about to, I'm about to be on an island alone after this.

We would take a bowl and we put lighter fluid in the bowl and we would put the balloon in the bowl in his room.

We would take matches and fling them on there and then it would be like,

yeah.

And we and like his walls were getting dark.

Oh

my god, how old?

This is two months ago.

Uh, no, um,

I mean, we were probably

11, 12, 13, 14, right around there.

Yeah, okay, that's when that's the dumb, that's the really dumb period.

Well, the thing is that my cousin and I were like on the same page with so many crazy things we did, and then he is diagnosed schizophrenic.

So, there's been a lot of sort of internal searching of myself where I'm like,

maybe we were on the identical same page as children.

No, but that's a problem.

But it's not, it doesn't happen till

it happens later.

Yeah, the 20s.

There were signs.

My wife has a cousin who is in like,

she was like, he was so fun and cool.

And then,

and I was like, hmm.

Yeah, it happens.

That's when it happens, 20s.

But there were signs.

There were signs for sure.

You looked at it.

For you, or we were all, every one of us was, we're dumb as shit.

You're dumb as fuck.

Remember the Roman Candle War, I said?

We used to do that out in

fields.

Oh, yeah.

Full of

dried grass.

No, I just all those fun fire pranks you can't do anymore.

I remember being on a roof and we were throwing bottle rockets like at each other on a roof like it was John Wick.

Yes.

Yeah.

All this.

That's right.

Yeah.

That's what you're supposed to do.

I suppose when I take my boys back to Tennessee in the summer, I have to consciously think about, did what I used to do,

is that, because like your instinct is like, hey, we used to do this, this, and this, but then you have to think about it and you're like, oh.

Don't tell them that one.

No, no, I don't need to give them ideas.

That's actually

I survived this.

This wasn't, some of this wasn't like fun.

You know, you're just like, oh, no, no, no.

You've got to have like a little bouncer at the edge of your mouth who's like, we're not taking that story right now.

So

your kids can't hear about the time you did that, Billy.

Or just

how to

hold fireworks like that.

You can't show them how to do it.

No, you're supposed to be a woman from the fireworks.

They have to figure out how to do all that.

It's like the parents that are like, well, I want them to drink at my house.

No, there needs to be obstacles.

By the way, my house was the house where you drank at.

And let me tell you.

Wisconsin does not count.

Come on.

Table.

Let us hang.

Wisconsin's just basically a keg.

It is.

It's fun.

I love it.

Everyone I've ever met for there is awesome.

We used to buy this beer called Rhinelander from the city called Rhinelander.

And I'm not kidding.

You could get like 24 bottles for like six dollars.

And then if you took them all back, you'd get like a dollar fifty.

And we, and it was the worst-tasting fucking beer ever.

No care.

I can believe it.

But we used to drink Rhinelander.

And then one night we were all drinking it, and like three of us started getting hives.

And we were like, we got a bad batch.

Me and two of my buddies had like neck welts, and we were like, it's the Rhinelander.

Oh shit, it's got hydro dying in it.

It's a paint thinner from fucking squid billies.

Yes, exactly.

We still got the money for the bottles.

We were like, Yeah.

My dad asked me, He's like, What did you drink in college?

I was like, We could get a like a half, we could get 12 Keystone lights for $5.

He was like, Whoa, I was like, Yeah.

I mean, and you kind of get a buzz after you drank 12, which is perfect.

I mean, ours was Schaefer's.

I don't remember Schaefer.

Oh, is that Pop-Top?

Schaefer's?

No, it wasn't Pop-Top, but it was just crazy cheap beer.

Like

dirt cheap.

But it's also like mostly water.

Yes.

It's very hydrating.

That's why it's kind of fun.

And for like, that's what

20 to 22 year olds should be drinking.

A grid.

It's such a great.

It's like a shandy.

Because the next day you're like, I kind of feel fine.

You're like, yeah, you're pretty hydrating.

Yeah, you drink 24 waters.

Yeah.

Like two gallons of water.

Yeah, last night you were hydrating all night.

So you're good.

Yeah, you had three real beers and then 24 waters after that.

You were hammered the whole time.

Oh, new natty water.

It doesn't get to a problem until like 25.

We're like, I need three shots to one beer.

And you're like,

I've not paced this.

Is what a run.

Hammer used by wife in fight over world.

Wow, that last word's helpful.

That last word is awesome.

No, but here's why.

It all happened over Monday's issue of the Atlanta Daily World.

So they fought over this paper.

I'm still, I'm still, oh, this paper's like, this is awesome.

One of them could read it and the other one didn't believe what they were reading.

Man, Paul Pelosi'd over our paper.

At least that was the cause told the doctors at Grady Hospital where James Williams, 132.5 Chestnut Street, appeared Monday night with deep lacerations on the back of his head, which he said were administered by his wife.

Administered.

Can we also...

I think we need to...

I just noticed this.

They're giving everyone's home address.

Oh, yeah.

It's a big player.

It never stops.

No, that's all.

Until the 70s, 1970s.

Yeah, it's a thing.

Okay.

That is fascinating.

We're acting like it's fine because we've both both come to terms with how insane it is, but it's totally insane.

It did took me three or four to be like, wait, no, they literally tell everyone where they live.

Everybody.

Well, and it's not like it's a huge secret anyway.

It's like, yeah, there's like he owns one of eight trucks.

I think it would still be fair to have privacy.

I think that would be fair.

But you can, this is a time when you could find everybody.

That's what I'm saying.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because if you went down Chestnut Street, there's four fucking houses.

So you're just like, like, oh, I bet it was that dude that did it.

Right there.

Yeah.

Which might be

the policeman just being like, you guys weren't trying that hard at all.

Accompanying Williams was his mother, Miss Lizzie Williams, who in attempting to part her son and his battling wife was struck over the head in the scuffle.

According to the wife, she was reading the Atlanta Daily World when her husband insisted that she retire.

Oh, that's great.

She's reading the paper.

He's like, go to bed.

It's time for you to stop.

I'm reading the paper.

You're going to sleep.

It startled him, too.

What are you doing?

Lay down, go to bed.

This

takes a hammer to his head.

If you're going to get hammered down, shouldn't it be over something worthwhile rather than be like, go to bed?

Enough paper.

It gets better.

Then she got, then he got up, she said, and turned out the light.

Smart.

An argument followed.

The turnout was a good move.

Yeah.

You're done.

Bedtime for a woman.

And then you get hammered.

Her husband bit her on the hand.

Oh my God.

Whoa.

It's escalating.

It's escalating.

He sounds inebriated.

He's hammerable.

Yes, he sounds drunk as shit.

Yes.

And she retaliated with four well-aimed blows with a hammer.

So here's the thing.

Have you seen a hammer?

Have you seen a hammer?

You don't want to be pounded.

It's very unforgiving.

It's not gross.

By the way, either end's a nightmare.

But it's also, she had to have the hammer preset, ready for this argument.

No, it might have been her newspaper reading hammer.

That's true, too.

The page turning hammer.

Put the hammer and the paper down and go to bed.

I would posit that there's a chance that she knew he was going to come in and be a real piece of shit about the paper.

Like, this was an ongoing argument.

Yeah.

So she prepped with a hammer.

Yep.

She's like, let's go.

The second time you get hit with a hammer, you're like, fine, read it.

Well, like,

if he comes in here, there's not a hammer readily available unless you have prepped.

I think it's a prep hammer.

Yeah.

She probably wasn't even reading.

She probably just had it open to cover up the hammer she was about to beat him with.

So what happened?

She told the world reporter, when I want to read my Atlanta World, I want to read it and nothing can stop me.

This is great.

Even if this is a commercial, it's the best commercial I've ever heard.

Viral marketing.

It's the best commercially good.

It's a screen for the world.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Williams is arrested on a charge of disorderly conduct and will face Judge Cohn today in recorder's court.

It doesn't say which Williams.

It's got to be Hammer Lady.

Maybe, but he also did her.

I mean, he better.

And listen, I'm nobody.

I'm not.

Let me get ahead of it.

I'm not saying a man should bite his wife, but the multiple hammerings is the more jailable offense out of the two.

I don't know.

You can get an infection from that.

I'm guying.

Hold on.

Let me do another take of that.

I think.

You got to live with it.

You got to live with it.

It's who you are.

I think the husband should go.

You just don't bite a lady.

So much for me, too, right?

No.

i just think i think that the i don't know what you guys i'm not even going male female i just mean

is coming at me finally whoa if any human is coming at me

your your audio just went through a dramatic shift

it's a heads up the new recording track created you sons of bitches yep um thanks i don't want to learn more uh this is a great this is the perfect ending to your episode by the way

Just hearing your computer kind of charge and your audio completely shifted.

Now I hear a lawnmower.

Yeah, it sounds like there's something.

It sounds like there's a little, like some sort of little bird on a

electricity going.

Yeah, like you're getting Wi-Fi from the Costa Water World boat.

I go through a lot of small journals.

We are hearing a hamster wheel.

Frog.

Do you have a frog?

What is a frog?

I don't know your noises billy

thank you for joining us yeah it has to be there's no coming back from this obviously i didn't touch anything

yes you did uh billy thank you for joining us people could go to bwdtours bwdtour.com bwdtour.com

it sounds like your computer's charging on again off again i don't want to nothing has changed on my i am

a lot's changed a lot's changed

also if anyone bites you,

I think you have, if anyone bites you, you get to hit them with a hammer.

Because that is.

And by the way, for the record, gaslighting you is just a prank.

So don't get too bent out of shape.

You paused right there when you said that.

That was crazy.

I just want to listen to the

sweet sounds of your homemade weather station.

We love you, David.

All right, day off.

Fucking September, my man.

Some of these days,

you'll miss me, honey.

Some of these days.

Hey, dollop fans.

I know you love the dollop.

You love listening to the dollop.

Do you want to watch the dollop?

You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about?

By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth.

Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation, and we are starting to animate some of our episodes.

So if you want to go watch a five-parter animation, which is actually like a 22-minute episode or 30-minute episode, I can't remember, of the Rube, you can go to Lakeside Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the Rube.

It really genuinely kicks ass, and we're very proud of it.

And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them.

We're already making a second one, so go there and watch the Rube.