704 - The Lady Franklin Bay Expedition

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You're listening to the dollop on the all things comedy network.

You know what we do here.

Each week we go through a story from American history.

I,

Dave Anthony, lover of shoes, burping beast, man with over one toilet, tells a story from American history to his idol, Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about.

Thanks for calling me your idol.

Hey, man, you really are.

Did I tell you I'm doing Riyadh?

My idol friend.

Dave, Riot.

My idol friend.

No.

Are you doing Riyadh?

You are.

That's going to be the new put-down.

Every time, this is what I'm going to do from now on.

If I'm ever in a conversation with comics and a new one walks over, I'll be like, this is the guy that's telling you about who did Riyadh?

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

It's a big spicy meatball.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

I like a spicy meatball.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

It's very weird because we all have

people we know and friends who did it and

yet watching it, you're just like, wow,

you really blew it.

That was really dumb.

It's,

I don't know.

It's, I mean, well, I guess that would be a good idea.

We will talk about that on Patreon more, but if people want to, you can go join our Patreon.

We're doing a lot of stuff on Patreon.

Luke is doing stuff on Patreon now.

He's got his own day, and I've seen some of it while we've been traveling.

And it's just like,

it's not okay.

We're putting out a good amount of stuff extra every week.

The dollop is now on YouTube, too.

If you want to go to our YouTube and check that out, the dollop is the video of the episodes are now on our YouTube page, which is

the dollop podcast.

And that's up there.

Also, I should point out, I just, speaking of Luke, I did just go to our website and check out our merch.

And what he's doing on there is just

more crazy.

But if you want merch, we're now selling merch.

And we will also be on tour.

We've probably promoted it on this show already.

But go to dollapodcast.com.

We're going through the Midwest.

We're going to hit all the big boys.

But I wanted to tell you a story, Dave, of what happened yesterday when Luke and I were driving.

We were

headed to Appleton, Wisconsin.

And

we're selling crime masks.

Yeah, it's just like crazy what's happening there.

Honestly, it's just two different kinds of crime masks.

Yeah, he's like, he's like, we're like, we are going to be in court one day, and we're going to be like, I swear to God, I didn't know what was on our merch.

I had no idea.

I didn't know we had two types of crime masks.

And he's calling them crime masks.

Yeah.

I think we should probably come up with a better name.

We should just just call them

winter headgear.

Yeah.

Crime masks.

No, that's terrible.

He's like, like, again, we're not, we're just talking.

We're just a couple guys talking.

Okay.

But so

he's eating

sunflower seeds,

you know, which to me, I've...

If you're outdoors, okay.

You know, you want to eat sunflower seeds outdoors, go for it, whatever.

It's not the greatest snack, obviously.

But,

you know, it's just, but

it's a time-consuming snack, which I guess is part of the charm.

Yeah, it's like a way to like

low yield in a good way.

Yeah, but so he's he's crushing this bag of sunflower seeds, and I'm uh, and we've got our, we have a big thing of sparkling water.

We got the spin drifts, and uh,

I don't like those.

I don't care.

No,

I don't get heartburn at all.

And it's one of the few things that if I drink two, I'll get heartburn.

Hmm.

I'm going to start sneaking them into everything you do.

What are you doing?

I'll get you.

I will take you down.

I will take power.

And so, so, whatever.

He's eating these fucking things, you know.

And

I,

so we have our spin drifts, and

probably been 15 minutes since I've had a sip.

He's got, he's carved out his little can to spit his seeds in.

And I take my spin drift that is sitting in the cup holder that I had right next to me, and I take a big rip off it.

And you know exactly what happens.

I get a mouth full

of spit seeds.

And I go, this is, I, I, my reaction

pure.

I've seen this happen to people with chewing tobacco spit.

I've done this with the last time I had anything like this with cigarette butts

in a can, like, you know, whatever at a barbecue.

And I'm like, ah, that's not the one.

But this was in a contained environment.

My water was where it remained the whole time.

And so I take a sip and I have a mouthful of his spit seed pieces.

And I obviously don't take it down, but I don't know what to do because I'm in a van and I just open my mouth and I go,

Luke.

And he's like, huh.

And I go, you filled the can.

What?

He goes, oh, well, that was my spit.

I go, no.

And then I just key off on Sunflower.

Here's the great part.

But here's the great part about Luke: he won't apologize, right?

Did he apologize?

No, he did apologize.

He did.

I was beside myself.

I don't even want to say I was mad.

I just was nauseated and I was mad.

But I was just like.

I was like, this snack is disgusting.

This is the most disgusting snack.

He was like, hold on.

i'm not i'm not with you on that though i'm not with you you haven't drank

refuse you can't blame

the snack for one man's crime get out of here you can't you can't blame the snack the snack is good i admit that luke is the problem but the

it's luke the snack is horrendous

How about this?

Let's just have snacks that we eat.

Let's not have snacks that part of it gets spit.

Let's just have a full snack.

They make snacks that you can just eat.

What are we doing?

What are we doing?

This is not an okay

thing.

Imagine if you were eating Doritos and I just ate half and then the rest of them I just like threw in a bag.

I imagine that all the time with you.

Shut up.

What?

We're getting along.

Fine.

Anyway.

So there you go.

That's the story I wanted to tell.

I mean, that's bad.

And I'm sorry you went through that.

And

your partner, which who I call him, your partner is a bad person.

I see, this is what I needed from you.

Yeah, this is what I wanted.

That's what we're talking about.

He's a bad person.

Yes.

Yes.

But also,

let's not blame.

I'm still mad at sunflower seeds.

Or whatever.

Yeah.

You can be mad at sunflower seeds, but you know, you're wrong.

They make a version of those where the seeds are already, somebody's already done all that for you.

You can go get them.

We're not living in the jungle.

We don't need to be doing this.

I would disagree with that.

I think we might be living in the jungle a little bit.

So then let's enjoy the snacks we have that are fully digestible while we have them.

Sometimes you got to work for your food.

Nope.

Just like in the olden days.

Nope.

This is that's what it feels like.

Well, yeah.

March 27th, 1844, year of our Lord J-Town, he who hath bequeathed

us

surfports

and sunflower seeds.

Well, you better take the seeds back.

Adolphus

Washington Greenlee was born into an old established New England family in Newburyport, Massachusetts.

Okay.

Which you have to know because you spent time.

Newburyport.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Okay, well done.

The city was a stop on the Underground Railroad and many ex-slaves lived there.

It was also a big whaling port.

Sure.

So

two great things.

Adolphus graduated from high school in 1860 and he tried to join the Union Army twice during the war, but was rejected because he was too young.

So, wow.

I didn't, I mean, I think we've heard of soldiers who were 10.

Well, no, you had to be 18.

What?

Yeah, I know, right?

That's a little bit confusing.

Because I think it's different for each state, probably.

Dudes were marrying like 15-year-olds.

Yeah, and we still are, but

I do think it was state by state because he was trying to join the Massachusetts, whatever, militia.

volunteer infantry.

Okay.

Because in the south, I think they were taking people much younger.

Yeah, okay.

So he's rejected twice, and he finally was able to enlist on July 1861.

He was 17, but he told them was 18.

He told him he was 18.

And the legend was he wrote 18 on the bottom of his shoes to prove it.

I don't know what that means.

I don't.

I don't know what that means.

We're so

caught in a two-step verification world now.

To imagine a time where you could convince people that you were 18 because because you just wrote it on your shoes.

Like fraud.

Fraud.

But who?

How does that?

I don't know.

I mean, there's obviously no.

You roll it and you're like, so, no,

I'm actually

not a bad person.

On the contrary, we've heard that you are 17 years old.

So we're not going to be taking it.

Look at the bottom of my shoe.

18.

Let me see the other one.

Yeah.

Yeah, same thing.

Those both have 18 on them.

Yeah.

Hold on.

So

with that.

Yeah.

Okay, go ahead.

So, I mean, we know this guy's supposed to be 17.

Do you see the bottom of his shoes?

Yeah, he's got 18 on both of them.

He's clearly 18.

All right, Adolphus.

We owe you an apology.

You're clearly 18.

Both your shoes have the number on it.

So,

well,

yeah, that's how

Lincoln got in.

Yeah.

Hey, I'm not a big history guy, but

mind if I

yeah, go ahead.

That's how he got to the president.

I believe that to be fake.

He's not president yet, but that's how you present.

I don't even think we know.

Wait, what?

Wait, dude.

I'm tired.

I'm tired.

I'm tired.

Dude, I just took a sip of my drink of the seeds in it.

Adolphus

was a private with the 19th Massachusetts Volunteer Infantry.

He He fights in some of the most brutal battles of the Civil War.

He is wounded three times.

And the whole time, he continues a very swift rise in rank.

He is eventually put in command of the 81st Colored Troops.

What, you don't like that?

No.

I think it's okay because he is from a

clearly a liberal town

where they were okay with

black people compared to others.

You know, they're on the Underground Railroad.

So he probably got

okay.

Here was my thought early in this one.

Underground Railroad doing better in this era or would it do better now in Massachusetts?

My guess is back then it did better.

Probably back then.

By the way, I want to congratulate all of the

Americans today who spent years screaming about the Second Amendment tyranny and today dropped out of Blackhawk helicopters over an apartment building full of black people in Chicago and took children out naked in handcuffs.

Congratulations.

You

are what people were when they massacred Native American villages.

Anywho,

when the war ended, my breaks are fun.

When the war ended, Adolphus was a brevet major.

He continued to command black troops from 1865 to 1867 in New Orleans this is a pretty bad assignment

he's occupying a city which is also crazy to imagine being ravaged ravaged by yellow fever at the time so it's that's not a great one right

he becomes a second lieutenant in the 36th infantry which he

he studied telegraphy and electricity under the general who founded the Army Signal Corps.

So he worked installing telegraph lines across the West.

He then helps organize the U.S.

Weather Bureau,

which we just got rid of.

Take that office.

Doing this.

He became a knowledgeable meteorologist.

So he's a sciencey guy.

He's a sciencey fellow.

Meteorologist back.

Now, what year are we dealing with now?

Whereabouts are we?

Because he's done a lot of stuff.

He's like the 1870s.

Okay.

A meteorologist in the 1870s seems absolutely impossible.

I think you just look out and go,

there's clouds.

Yeah.

You don't do a, they didn't do the five-day.

They're like, and Karen, Bob, I think we're going to have a pretty good Friday.

If you look over the hills right there, I can see some clouds, but I think those are going to...

dissipate a little bit as we get into the afternoon and people can go out there and have a nice picnic.

And men who are in their 40s, you can marry a woman under 18.

Don't worry about that.

That's not going to be a problem.

I can see the clouds.

I can can see them.

I'm with you.

The clouds are over there, but I feel like they'll be dissipating.

And remember, the only people who really have rights right now are us whites.

If you see a Native American, lose that native.

Okay.

They were not here before us.

Don't listen to anything.

I'll be back tomorrow with my Saturday chaos.

Adolphus also became very interested in storm systems.

So he's a weather guy.

Sure.

In 1881, he's a lieutenant in the 5th U.S.

Cavalry.

He's 37 years old, and he volunteers to command an Arctic weather expedition to set up polar research stations.

Wow.

This is Jesus Christ, man.

I don't think we've never done a story where someone is going into cold in the 1800s, and it's been like, yeah, that was easy.

He, well, I don't don't know, this will be fine.

He was considered

anal retentive,

but enthusiastic by his superiors.

Okay.

So that's kind of a good thing to lead, I guess.

I think so.

Attention to detail.

This is called the Lady Franklin Bay Expedition.

So that's just north of Greenland on Canada's Naras Strait.

Okay.

Sure.

So you know where that is.

Yeah.

Well, I'm a map freak.

Yeah.

I'm a big map.

That's what when people ask me what you're like, I don't know.

I'm just sick about maps.

I'm just

a Rand McNally.

I'm a regular.

I love it.

I always say, where does a map end and Gareth begin?

I don't know.

Well, you know what it is.

I love the map where the mountain ranges are bumpy and you can really run your hand over it and really just kind of feel the topography.

I love that.

Sometimes it gets late in the office.

Adolphus and most of his men came.

No, no, no, no, we're done.

We'll move on.

Maybe go to the Himalayas.

I go to the Himalayas sometimes at night, and let me tell you, him got layered.

I knew it was going to end horribly, and no one was going to enjoy it.

Adolphus and most of his men came from the U.S.

Army Signal Corps, so they had been stringing telegraph lines across the West, which has, I don't know if you're aware of this, it has little to nothing to do with the conditions in the Arctic.

It's a whole different sort of thing.

Yeah, no.

I'll validate that.

Yeah.

One guy who was not in the military did have experience of one time visiting Greenland.

So no one's been there except for one guy who went to Greenland, which is not the Arctic.

Well, it's pretty, I mean, that should be plenty.

That should be plenty.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, that should be fine.

Yeah, as long as you want guy who's been somewhere, that's pretty close.

And that guy was a doctor, Octave Pavey.

I would definitely call himself Doctave.

Yeah.

He was also an astronomer.

Sorry, there was also an astronomer, Edward Israel, and a photographer.

So he got all the bases covered.

He's

photographer.

He knew who's getting eaten first.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely.

Photographer.

The photographer.

The photographer's name is George Rice.

So altogether, there's 21 men.

And after paying $19,000 for the charter ship Proteus,

wait, where did I go?

Adolphus only had $6,000 left over to buy everything else needed for the first year of work and survival in the Arctic.

So a lot on Transpo.

Transpos

is a big part of the budget.

Now, let me ask you, Dave, as someone who's researched a lot of these,

when you say something like that,

a little worried

because

it always feels like a horse gets eaten.

Gareth, right now I am optimistic.

You mean that?

Yeah.

Just to me, it seems like they're going to have a lot of flour.

They always bring a lot of flour.

No, there's no horses.

Well, there's not going to be horses, but whatever there there's gonna that's why i'm worried about the photographer

so they spend it uh they spend it on clothing and camp gear medicine scientific instruments weaponry etc uh and he

he's in a race against the winter so he has to get this all done in 10 weeks just

so on july eighth July 7th, 1881, they sail off from St.

John's on Newfoundland, and the water was amazingly ice-free.

Just beautiful sailing.

And they arrive in Lady Franklin Bay, and the ship offloads the party and everybody.

Now, unlike almost every single polar expedition,

the ship just drops off the men and supplies and sails home.

Usually the ship will stay there, but this one is like, we're going to drop you guys and we'll come back.

So they're going to come back with any year and change personnel and bring more supplies.

In one year, exactly, they're going to come back with more supplies.

But wait, wasn't he trying to beat the winter?

Wasn't that like what part of that?

Well, get there.

He was trying to get there.

Oh, he was trying to get there before.

So a full year.

It's just.

Yeah, I guess.

I'm not trying to be negative, but I just think the year is really.

That's just.

I'm really optimistic.

I don't,

I just don't know why you'd be so optimistic well what if i told you this was a three-year expedition would that make you feel better no

no but i i'm not even mentally going to year three i'm just year one with no ship and they just drop you off with the supplies well i can tell you you're mentally going to go to year three okay

so weird but okay

So the ship takes off, drops them with everything.

There's an exposed coal deposit that that they can use.

They build this single-story three-room house-like thing.

It's kind of like a big barrack, I guess.

Outside, there were some lean tents around it and some small sheds to put the equipment in.

And they call this Fort Conger.

It's a great name.

Nope.

And they get to work.

They're doing 19th-century science, meteorology, magnetism, weather observations, biology, all the good stuff.

Take photographs, and

they have dogs.

They have

dog sleds to conduct extensive explorations.

And that means, of course, caring for the dogs and their pups.

So they got dogs.

That's yeah, yeah.

No, that's a that

seems like good.

It'll be good to have them.

Yes, the dogs are good.

It'll be good to have them.

Yeah, the dogs will be great.

So, what they did not know because they had

what's wrong

I'm already upset

I'm the meteorologist of this story I don't love the five day

so what they what they don't know um

because they have no Arctic experience was that the easy sailing to get there

was really odd

because that summer had been especially warm.

So

the work they're doing, they think they're doing a good job, but the crew is still not happy because it turns out Adolphus is pretty high-strung

and a micromanager.

He's really getting up in everybody's business.

Sure.

Which are not great qualities when you're out in a remote location living in one building together.

Truth.

Yep, absolutely.

You don't want that.

It's like when you're in a van with a guy who spits seeds into your cup.

Yep.

And you just take a big, passionate sip of what you think is spin drift, and you end up feeling like you drank shell casings.

And then you just literally let it all dribble out of your mouth onto your shorts because you don't.

So you're soaking for an hour as well, covered in the seedy water.

So,

so the grumbling

Adolphus takes as like borderline mutiny.

And so he keeps imposing penalties and restrictions on the men.

He's a good boss.

So

things are getting tense,

but they still work.

And during the spring of 1882, a small party trekks north and manages to reach a mile further north.

Than an earlier British expedition.

So this is the furthest north anyone has ever gone in the Arctic.

And that gives that gives the United States the honor for about 12 years.

Okay.

So,

okay, that's good.

That's great.

The breaking records.

Yeah.

So, worth it.

Well, I guess it's hard for me to say that at this juncture.

I would say worth it.

I will wait.

Okay.

So, a supply ship, like I said, is supposed to come and drop supplies, and we're going to change them in.

But, like we said, it had been a normal, it had been

an abnormal summer now it's a normal one which means there's a lot of ice thick ice yeah

so the area where they went is almost always blocked by heavy flowing ice coming down from the arctic ocean where the ships were went before where the ship where they should yeah right where they go into the yeah yep now now dave still feeling optimistic because to me that's a big problem no no i'm optimistic so i don't know it'll be fine the previous year um right, they've been very lucky or unlucky, if you want to say, to get there.

And even today, even today, it's not a place

much stronger ships will try to reach.

It's just considered.

And we're doing everything we can to undo that.

We are working real hard to get that nasty ice out of there.

Yeah.

Yeah, we are.

So they did plan for this, though.

If the supply ship couldn't get through, they were supposed to drop supplies at a northern point on the east coast of the island that they were on

and put a small supply at another point.

So if no ship arrives, they can go over there and get them.

They can walk over and get the

supplies.

Okay.

So

there were supplies left from previous expeditions also.

So there's just like other expeditions have left supplies for themselves and they never use them.

So there's like stuff, right?

It's like when you go up Everest and there's dead bodies.

It's kind of like that, except it's supplies.

Right.

Yep.

That's good.

It's supplies.

The first supply ship was the Neptune and it stopped 150 miles from Fort Conger.

That's far.

That's far.

Yeah.

In the ice, snowy area.

Really far.

For some unknown reason, the captain only left a small amount of rations and then just came home with the rest of the stuff, which

wasn't the plan.

Well, can we just for a second, maybe look at the captain's side of how great this was?

He came home with so much stuff.

He did.

He had a lot of good stuff.

He had so much stuff to light.

Like he came back and he was just like, honey,

look at all this.

And she's like, surely there's a downside.

Nope.

I don't see one, honey.

I don't see one at all.

Oh, my gosh.

Look at all this.

Look, how many roundish do we have so many oh and there's dogs and we've got all these dogs now

these lamps

so the u.s secretary of war apparently is fine with it and wrote quote which by the way is is still a current position not the u.s secretary of war the the guy who wrote to the u.s secretary the guy who was in command wrote to the u.s secretary of war and said he is fine with it he wrote quote there's not the slightest reason to suppose that lieutenant greenley's party is suffering.

He has his party comfortably and warmly housed and is well supplied.

What is he going off of?

Well, they do have enough food to get through a while, so they don't have to be able to do it.

But do you have any confirmation?

Trust me, right now they're hanging stockings on their shelves and they're waiting for Santa Claus to come visit them.

Things are really, really good right there.

They're having a good old holiday party.

You can believe me.

They're probably having a better time over there than we're having here.

I think you could go off vibes on this one.

This is, and by the way, I'm going off of vibes.

This is a big vibes one for me.

Trust me, they're having the best time ever.

They're probably coming up with secret gang hand shakes.

God, if it wasn't so impossible to get anywhere near them, I have half a mind to go visit.

Well, the men were obviously bummed because

they only planned on being there a year and then they would get swapped out.

So they wanted to be relieved.

Yes.

They do have plenty of food and

enough for a couple of years.

They do have food.

So

Secretary of War Abraham Lincoln wanted a commander who was a bit better for the next supply run the next year.

So

the general who chose the commander wrote he had, quote, manly qualities of the first order, sobriety.

high intelligence, unflagging energy and zeal, and with faculty to command.

Now, this guy's good.

Imagine Trump saying that in front of a bunch of generals forced to come listen to him speak.

I've got zeal.

The ship was to have a doctor, 10 soldiers, and 18,000 rations.

Well, now we're talking.

That's a lot of rations.

That's like easy on the go easy on the rations.

It doesn't sound like they're even rationing the rations, but that's good.

Let's get it to them.

If they could not get through, they were supposed to set up camp on Littleton Island and send a relief party over land to help Adolphus withdraw and take him out.

Okay.

So plan.

I agree.

There is a plan.

Ship once again is the Proteus.

It is led by First Lieutenant Ernest Garlington.

That name right there gives you tons of confidence.

Absolutely.

Oh, he's a Garlington?

I think we'll do that.

He's going to do a full Garlington.

Yeah.

And

it had an escort ship, the gunboat Antic, which Lincoln asked for.

I just sucked this ship's dick.

Because what?

I don't think you.

I'm an escort.

But because the Yantic mostly sailed instead of used steam, because

it had all these supplies.

What's the thing in there?

Oh, just because they're just like efficiency?

Let me just bottom line what's happening.

They don't give a fuck about these people.

They do.

Do they?

They're sending two ships, yes.

Yes, but they're sailing ships.

Well, no, the Proteus is not a sailing ship.

Oh, okay.

Well, it is a steam, but they don't have enough in there to keep the steam engine running because it's full of supplies.

Well, that's bad planning.

They had to do a trade-off.

So what, the escort ship is going to run the supplies off of the Proteus?

No, the escort ship.

falls behind because it's it's using

sailing

but then was that the thinking that they were going to load up on the escort ship the supply, the rations, and then that ship would go to shore or go as close as they could?

No, they're both they're no, they're both full of supplies.

Well, so you've got one,

okay.

Okay.

Well,

you can't catch me for noting this because it doesn't sound like it's working.

It's not.

It's more supplies for the boys.

Just less, do the less supplies.

Do two trips.

Well, here's the problem.

And I guess you might have clocked this.

It's going slower

and it gets separated from the Proteus.

And then the Proteus gets crushed in the ice pack and sinks in late July.

So

but then they got the other ship full of stuff.

Which is nowhere, which is also now stranded.

They're eating their own supplies now.

That sailing ships.

What that sailing ship is, is just a great vacation.

So

the crew of the Proteus makes for the Upper Navik Island and they hold up there.

But all this means is that there's no supplies for Adolphus for three years.

Now, in August of 1883, they still do have a lot of supplies, but orders were that,

but

orders are if no one has come

by this time that they abandon Fort Conger and head south to meet the Proteus, because they're like, obviously the ship can't get there.

So you got to walk down to where the ship is.

So they're going to walk down the coast

until there's no more ice, and then that's where the ship will be.

Like, that's the thinking.

Yeah, but it sank.

Gareth, they're going to meet it.

No, they're not.

How would they know that?

Okay, so you are, you actually have have come up, you have identified an issue.

Yes, the produce doesn't exist any longer.

The idea that you could just,

this is like, this reminds me of before cell phones.

It was like before cell phones, you used to make, you'd be like, Friday, 8 p.m., I'll meet you there.

Can you imagine four days in between?

of just, that's where I'm going to be at that time, that night, and you're going to go.

This is the Arctic 1800s version of that, but with supplies, supplies, rations, and your existence on the line.

I know exactly how this feels because I think it was 1983.

I was supposed to meet my friends at the parkade in Fairfax, and I thought it was five.

I thought it was six, but it was five.

And we were going to a Judas Priest concert.

So I get down there at six, and they had waited like 20 minutes and left.

And they're at the concert, and I'm just sitting in the parkade for a couple of hours with my ticket, and I couldn't go to Judas Priest.

So I know exactly how this feels.

Yes, yes, it's

the same.

It's the same.

It's basically the same.

That was like, that was like death to me.

Yes.

And you had no clue.

I had no idea.

I also didn't know the lead singer was gay because we were

losing the whole three.

You were already thin.

Now you're gone.

I just thought he was a guy that dressed in leather.

Yeah.

So

stick to what we're talking about.

It's not about Rod Alfred or whatever his name is.

Alfred.

It's all about Alford.

Okay, so

they have lots of supplies.

They're going to head south.

Most of the men, however, think leaving Fort Conger is suicide.

They're like, this is really dumb.

I think because of the point you brought up.

That it's dumb?

Because they're like, well, how do we know?

Yes.

That we're going to go meet these people.

What if it's not there?

But, but he was, adulvous was given strict orders so he's like well we're following our orders like we follow orders so they go

uh like you brought up unfortunately the the proteus is at the the

is at the bottom it's bottom bottom of the ocean is there not a relief backup do we not have a backup proteus there is the other one

the other one's cruising around okay um

And the guys in the Proteus, where they ended up, they were able to walk

over to Greenland, I believe.

So even the guys that were on the Proteus, because when the ship gets crushed, they all just get off it on the ice.

They didn't sink with it.

No.

So it's also so funny.

Well, I guess we should walk to Greenland.

So they do, Adolphus's men do have small boats, 40 days of rations.

They can carry 40 days of rations.

They brought all their scientific instruments.

They brought all the record.

Yeah, they were doing doing work.

They were doing work.

And then on top of that, they have absolutely no morale, just zero morale, negative morale.

Military discipline is in complete tatters.

Adolphus's second in command

had quit just days after they arrived two years ago.

So

they had a guy who got.

to Fort Conger and two days after being there quit.

So he wasn't,

he's just there.

He's there.

It's like when you, if you're living with someone, it's your relationship with a girl and you break up with her, and you're like, well, we still live together.

It's that, but it's two years in the Arctic.

Oh, and he must have just been like, well,

fucked that up again, didn't you, Adolphus?

Shut up.

Oh, quitting day two is crazy.

Yeah, it really is.

So he's there.

Also, the doctor had quit

two years into the mission.

What is he going to do?

He's like, I'm looking for other work.

I don't know.

What else is going to do?

I guess that just means Adolvis can't tell you what to do anymore, but you're still being fed and there.

And

you're just in the corner.

You've quit.

You're in the corner.

Corner quitter.

Quiet quitting.

So,

yeah, they have no way to leave, so they're there.

So, the second guy,

the second, the second-in-command guy, he still did some hunting.

He would go out and hunt, uh, and give him food and stuff.

I retired.

The doctor, if there was an emergency medical situation, the doctor would help, but I think he wouldn't help for the smaller.

He was just like, Oh, I don't care about your ethics, but like, go fuck yourself.

I think it's gangrenous.

You'll be all right.

Stop.

Yeah, you'll be all right.

I don't do that.

I'm retired.

I'm a glass blower now.

There's no glass.

Well, when I get back, I'm going to do that.

That's what I'm going to do when I get back, honestly.

Everyone else really could just barely hold back their contempt for Adolphus.

His leadership was awful.

So they end up traveling for two months.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

I remember they have 40 days of rash rash.

Yeah.

They had three small boats and they often had to drag them over ice or ice flows and wait days or weeks until the ice released them so they could go like another kilometer, like another kilometer.

Oh my God.

How do you be honest?

No, I just go, I go, I'm going to die.

I'm going to actively do everything in my power to die.

I don't know how a group of them did not stay there.

I would have been like, I'm not going with you guys.

You guys are out of your fucking

just waiting three weeks to move a boat a kilometer.

Yeah.

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So, Adolphus now seems depressed.

What's going on?

He's sad.

He's sad.

It's not what he pictured.

He just pictured that the marriage would be better.

And now, you know, it's a couple years in, and it's not what he thought.

So now, guys who are like natural leaders start to kind of just naturally take over,

be leaders.

David Brainerd is one, and George Rice, the photographer.

George Rice is like, you know, a dude.

Yeah.

The other guys

are a drag.

There's other guys that are like they have a drunkard.

How is he maintaining his drunkardness?

I don't know.

But he's called the drunkard the whole time, William Cross.

He's a drunkard.

I don't know how he's drinking, but he must be frustrated by a pass.

Or maybe he was, maybe he had a still up there.

I guess.

I mean, of all, like, it's got to be hilarious.

They'll be like, only everything we need.

And he'll be like, and my rum maker.

I don't know.

I mean, we're really trying to call the herd as much as possible up here.

We're going to bring my still.

I don't think we.

You still waste.

Well, we would really rather use your strength for the mission, Bill.

This is the mission.

God damn it.

Bill, Bill.

I don't know if we can bring the still, okay?

I think we might have

Bill and his still.

That's how it goes.

So that's what it's going to be.

Why don't you do this?

The sooner you help us get the boat on the other side of this and we can meet the Proteus, the sooner we'll be able to have all the drinks when we get back.

So I think it's going to be best if we use your

please stop.

How do you get to the Proteus and not be like, boys, we brought the party?

We have different.

Do you have to think about that?

No,

they're going to be we have different missions.

We have different missions going on.

They're going to be like, you're a dad.

They have booze.

They have it.

So we'll just

meet and let go of the still.

Let go of the still.

This is

still.

Let go of the still.

Drop the still.

We're not doing the still.

Let the still go.

Let it go.

God damn it.

Drop the still, you idiot.

This is my wife.

Then you eat what?

I figured out why he's got the hole in the front.

I married him when we were up in Fort Conger.

Oh my God.

My lady, you can't leave her.

William.

William.

William, I don't know why we tried to hire a drunk.

Yeah, but the odds said

drunk for Arctic expedition.

I know.

We just.

I think we saw this going a lot better and we kind of thought you'd be comic relief, but quite frankly, you've become just pathetic.

Cheers!

Okay,

all right.

I guess we'll bring this.

Uh,

also, Dr.

Peavy hated Adolphus, and Dr.

Peavy's a schemer, so he's always in the background trying to get the boys to do stuff against him.

I'm Dr.

Peavy.

I'm a little skeevy.

Uh, now some of the guys who have influence, which includes Peavey, uh, Pavey, Pavy, Pavy, Pavy, P-AV-Y.

What are you going to say?

Pavy?

Pavy.

P-A-V-Y.

Yeah.

It's a weird one.

And Rice start plotting to declare, officially, by military rules, declare Adolphus insane

so they can relieve him of command and then head back to Fort Conger

where they think it's safer.

They're like, we just got to go back there.

Say 100% are right.

Yep.

But they need Brainerd to agree because he is like, I think the next in command.

He has a lot of influence and he refuses to go along.

So the mutiny dies.

They're not going back to Fort Conger.

And in mid-October, they reach land.

Now, when did they leave?

They left in,

I think they left in August.

Oh, my God.

Okay, so mid-October, they reach land, Ellismere Island.

And

the sun has now almost disappeared for the winter.

Oh, that's

like, hey, it could get bad soon

you guys just prep yourself for things maybe taking a sad dark turn soon the sun disappear in ice

you guys ready to get really depressed hopefully soon because the sun's leaving huh yeah the sun goes for a while

you know the whole you know the only thing that gives us a tiny bit of daily hope you know when it came to nature our only friend yeah that probably dips for a bit

eight months.

That dips for eight months.

So hopefully the Proteus is close.

So George Rice.

George Rice heads out.

My lift turns around.

George Rice heads out to explore to see what's nearby.

And

he finds out what happened to the Proteus

because he finds they left a note.

And he finds the note.

Dear fucked guys.

Oh, boy.

This is a good thing.

They did leave 40 days' worth of food.

Hey, so with the note, so he brings that back.

And Adolphus and his men start building winter shelters.

So they build up low stone walls, and then

they use the small boats as roofs.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

So a boat, it's a boathouse as far as I'm concerned.

Ugh.

That update of just like reading that.

What does the notes say?

Well,

it's really not great news.

I guess the Proteus

sank.

So what we should do is

we're going to use the boats as roofs for eight months.

But we have food for 40 days, so that's

what?

It's not

more food than we had.

So,

yeah.

We're fine.

If you think about about eight months and 40 days, I think that's the same.

We're just looking for what I call is a edible Hanukkah.

So

they got their little boathouses.

They name it Eskimo Point,

which is now called Wade Point because that's extremely offensive.

And when

Rice comes back and tells them about the Proteus and the food that was left in the city,

they decide.

Hey, what kind of shape is she in, boys?

How's she looking over there?

Hopefully, they got some sticks cleaned.

I'll tell you what, I'm going to eat a goose as soon as we get on board.

I can't wait to get back and meet my sweet Phyllis.

She's probably ready for a rod ring like you wouldn't believe.

Imagine being

upon the ship, the Proteus side of the ship.

Oh, I can't wait.

I didn't know we were going to do a song.

Ah, I thought we were all singing.

Did you guys get into that?

I didn't know.

I didn't know we were singing a song.

This one's called Relationship.

It's not a great time for a song because we just found out.

Hold on.

Now, before you tell us what kind of shape the Proteus is in, let's finish the song.

We're about to go to heaven, heaven on a ship.

We're about to ride to heaven.

This will never dip.

We're excited as a crew, and I will say I love you.

My boys, my chums, my friends, my guys, we're going on a ride.

The Proteus, the Proteus, it exists for sure.

And then we're going to take it to the shore.

Spelled different.

Hey, the Proteus, you're a glorious.

We're definitely riding on the ship real soon.

It's sunk.

Walk here's been hell.

So this'll be real.

What?

What did you say?

It's sunk.

Sweet mother of fucking God.

all the guys who were saying let's go back to fort congware were right you fucking asshole

we're gonna eat the dogs aren't we

we're gonna eat the dogs okay

i mean the cool the puppies are good because they're fresh yeah uh

So, yeah,

so

he comes back.

He tells them about the Proteus.

And they decide, let's go a little bit north to Prim Island.

I don't know.

I don't know.

So Prim Island is a fucking hellhole, which is super exposed to awful weather from the open ocean.

Hey, let's go there.

If they got 30 kilometers further, there was a fjord and in there, pretty calm.

And also tons of hunting in the fjord.

So much hunting that a later expedition would go through there and set up a hunting camp to go back and get food there.

Like it's like a, like they would have been fine if they'd just got a little bit.

When they found out about that, that must have been a fjordias.

I don't, I need another co-host.

So on Pym Island, they built stone walls and they put the biggest boat over it.

So it's a big, it's a big

boathouse.

They covered it with a

plastic cover like thing, tarpaulin, whatever it's called.

Whatever, Whatever, whatever that is.

I don't know.

It wouldn't be plastic back then, but whatever it's made of.

They insulate it with snow, and then they hunker down for the winter.

They're like,

snow.

Yeah, that's like a, yeah, you do that.

Get that in here.

What's cold?

Bring it in.

Now, tons of them are science guys, so they're all writing journals.

Over

50,000 rations had been shipped north by the army in those three resupply ships between July 1882 and August 1883.

So they were supposed to have left much of that, if not all of it, in different places for these guys to find.

But in reality, out of the 50,000 rations, only 1,000 had been put ashore.

All the rest had either been brought back or sunk with the Proteus.

Well, what's cool is that they think it's there.

So they'll just be able to look for it forever.

And the second ship, the whatever it is, the

what's it called?

The whatever, the gunboat thing.

Yeah.

That also left very little supplies and went back.

Like it also didn't.

So it's, yeah, it's not, it, it's not good.

Okay.

But

the ones who had made those decisions

or their bosses were now saying, it's all good and we're very confident that the men are fine.

Because why wouldn't they be?

Because I did it.

They're like, they're eating deer and rabbits, and they have the canned blueberries.

They'd rather be them than us.

Yeah, they got canned blueberries.

Like, it's great.

They even had some cake, which they brought up in 1881.

But

Jesus Christ, we left them a cake.

Could you guys relax?

They have a cake.

But Adolphus does the math,

and he realizes with very strict rationing, they only have enough food to last into March.

And that's months before

local waters would lose the ice and reopen again for them to take their boats.

So the plan is for them to wait and take the boats they have back to Cape Sabine.

So

on the 16th of October, so we're in October, November, December, January, February, March.

So we're six months out from just that,

Commander Wilds wrote, Secretary of the the Navy William Chandler, quote, I have no fears for Lieutenant Greeley, who is living in a region reportedly well stocked with game, has economized on his provisions.

The rocks and waters abound in walrus.

On the neighboring mainland, reindeer are reported numerous.

Trust me, they're basically in Santa's backyard.

And when they don't want to eat reindeer, they're going to be eating beautiful walrus.

Eating?

What is...

So so?

They're trust me.

It's pretty easy to take down a walrus.

Don't worry about that.

That's an easy kill.

They're tiny.

That'll be easy.

That is such a way to just get away from any culpability.

Trust me, boys.

They're eating a lot of walrus.

Yeah, they're fine up there.

Would I have left them if they weren't just covered in reindeer?

As you're just carving into some beef.

Trust me.

I'm sure they're having a delightful time.

So

a court of inquiry was held in November, and the commander in charge, Hazen, said that they had enough between dropped off supplies and native food to live comfortably through the winter.

But still,

on the 17th of December, President Arthur created a military board to make rescue recommendations.

So even though a bunch of the guys are like, they're fine, they're fine.

They're still like, we probably shouldn't just leave on this place.

And they don't know that they're not

tit deep and walrus blubber.

So, this would be the first time since Adolphus left

that explorers with actual Arctic experience were consulted.

Oh my God.

So, it's we're like, How long have they been 1982?

They've been there almost two years.

I think it's two years at this point.

They're probably fucked.

No.

Stop.

Very negative.

So Adolphus, it turns out, was better at commanding men who were going through hardship than during peaceful, happy times.

Okay.

And he does his best to maintain discipline

as his men are slowly deteriorating through starvation.

He even tried to distract them by putting on a lecture series with topics like the grain products of the United States.

So sort of like an Arctic Patch Adams.

Like

how

mad?

Let's take a minute.

How mad am I at the grain lecture?

Just the level of what.

All right, man, just relax.

I'm just trying to tell you a little bit about grain.

Hey, here's a fucking idea.

Let's not talk about shit we can't eat.

And now the roast beef of the Midwest.

Now, let me walk you through another tasty soup.

Welcome to my soup talks.

Hot, oh, a hot, well-flavored goulach, my boys.

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My lecture is called Mashed Potatoes with Gravy.

All right.

Now, on installment nine of how good mashed potatoes and gravy are.

Now,

what I want to talk about today are the little bigger chunks of potatoes that are sometimes in the mashed potatoes and why that really works well for me.

Of course, the guys who hated Adolphus still hate Adolphus

because of how he treated them at Fort Conger, and they're never going to forgive him.

So there's always this, you know, underlying thing of hatred.

One guy, Ellison, gets his fingers so frostbitten that Dr.

Peavy has to amputate them.

So from that point on, others had to feed him by hand

and they gave him extra rations to make up for it.

Hey, I know you lost your finger.

Want a little more cheese?

He had to cut his fingers off.

Jesus Christ.

May I have another cracker, considering I just have the base of the hand now?

Absolutely.

You've earned it, Mom.

Yes.

There you go.

There you go.

Now, I'm going to throw it up in the air.

Just catch it with your mouth, catch it.

There you go.

You know how we've never been able to kill a walrus?

How they eat.

So the food is in a small, separate storehouse outside the main shelter, and the storehouse is locked.

But each day, Sergeant Brainerd handed every man his ration, which was weighed to a fraction of an ounce.

But the storehouse, as you can imagine, was super easy to break into, even with the lock.

And at night, which is all the time, people are stealing food.

Oh, I can't, you can just imagine where you're just like, got a bit of a sweet tooth

just going in there just

fucking like a house and whatever dehydrated things are in there.

When it's dark, I'm going in there to get all the cheese.

It's only

dark.

It's just.

So after two and a half months, William Cross the drunk died.

And they buried him in some loose rock and gravel, which is like a high, dry portion of a river valley where the water no longer flowed.

So I think you can picture that.

It's like a long

what I'm hearing is that it's accessible.

Right.

They called this cemetery a ridge.

Okay.

And they scraped out a shallow hole in the frozen ground and then covered the body with what gravel they could find.

I mean, I guarantee you, like, someone was like, let's dig him a grave.

And then it was like impossible to dig.

And one of the guys was like, what the fuck are we doing?

It doesn't matter.

Just put rocks over him.

It's a good idea.

We'll just put rocks over him.

There were some animals around.

they shot a fox here and there but arctic foxes are tiny yeah once divided up each arctic fox was basically just a mouthful of meat for each guy enjoy it boys

they did manage to kill a polar bear holy

and While that was a nice bit of food, it just basically extended the suffering for a couple more weeks.

Yeah.

They were near open water, so they tried to catch shrimp with nets.

Oh, that water is so cold.

And they were able to for a bit.

Each guy suddenly found himself eating a pound of shrimp a day.

Is this the story of Red Lobster?

But they're oily little buggers, and they have a lot of fat.

So this leads to digestive problems.

So everyone is

diarrhea-eating as an

addition to the awesomeness.

And your stomach, your tum tum hurts all the time.

The shrimp shits.

This is the story of Sizzle.

It is.

But even with

the diarrhea, Arctic diarrhea, the shrimp does keep them alive for long.

Arctic diarrhea is something they serve at Dairy Queen.

And then the dogs

need to be

groomed

of their meat

right

yes eaten yeah at some point the dogs were not going to make it um the dogs are now food oh wow your dogs heard that yeah

um

and as they grow more desperate rice and another guy decide to try to walk across the ice to greenland and hope to find uh some inuit who would save everyone it's so funny but once they get out there it's just it's just comical.

The plight of the white is so comical.

Give us everything, you piece of shit.

Could you teach us how to survive on the land?

We're sorry.

We're sorry.

Yeah.

So

they get out there, they walk away, and then they come to open water.

This is called the Pollyanna,

which is an area of permanently open water.

So it's a place that just doesn't freeze.

And they had

no idea that if they'd walked a little bit north, that would have ended at just 30 kilometers north.

And then they could have just crossed.

But they didn't know.

So they went back.

But Rice isn't like the photographer is like the biggest badass.

He's not going to give up.

And he and a different guy then decide that they're going to go 50 kilometers south where there's supposed to to be a cachet of food at Cape Isabella, which had been left by an earlier British expedition.

And they get there.

They walk the 50 kilometers, but Rice is now exhausted.

He's been walking so much, and he dies in the other guy's arms on the way back.

And then that guy doesn't have the strength to drag all of that, what was essentially meat, alone.

So he just leaves it on the ice with Rice's body.

Jesus Christ.

How'd it go?

Where's Rice?

Rice behind you?

How close is Rice?

You guys get any pizza?

We're hungry.

Rice was.

When I left him, he looked like

a colonel of rice.

He was

very small.

Where's the meat?

And the meat is with rice.

Boy, that sounds good.

That sounds like a really good order, man.

I left the meat on rice.

It sounds like a halal.

And there was water splashing over it like gravy.

Hey, you know, either way, we're doing good here.

So,

yeah, you want to eat a puppy's tooth?

We're doing good here, too.

Yeah, here you go.

That's interesting.

I do actually want to eat.

You can chew that a little bit.

That'll be fun.

So now they're just dying one by one.

Each guy who dies, they bury on Cemetery Ridge.

The lecture series has stopped.

I am retiring my grain series.

We'll do my masterclass on quinoa when we get back.

Now they're pretty much just talking about food.

You know what else is that?

They're discussing.

I'd eat so many of those right now.

I'd eat all of them.

They're discussing the best food.

Each guy says the best food they've ever eaten.

You know what else is good?

Pumpkin pie.

I love pie.

Pie is really good.

Pumpkin pie.

Pumpkin pie is really good.

They talk about dream meals that they'd have if they lived.

Oh, that's so sad.

It's kind of all some of them had thought about.

They were just sitting around thinking about food.

Yeah, I get it.

Of course.

In Brainerd's journal, he has an entire page devoted to his food obsessions as well as the favorite dishes of other men.

Oh my God, just so hungry.

They

are

still rationing what they had, and men are still stealing food.

And

then there's a secret that some men are doing.

They're cutting pieces of meat off dead bodies and having a snack.

I knew it.

Oh, Crikey.

Oh, they're going to the ridge.

How else are you going to live?

Look, Gareth, if I ever die, you are totally free to eat me.

I will eat you.

Start with the ass.

Ass first.

Everyone

kind of knew that Dr.

Peavey was stealing some of Ellison's extra rations when he fed the fingerless Ellison.

I ate those fingers.

So like, he's like feeding him, but he's like, one for you, one for me.

One for the doctor?

Are you eating my fingers, doctor?

Now,

the biggest, most shameless food theft was done by Charles Henry.

And we're shaving meat off of dead guys that we were on this journey with, and there's a larger food crime.

Henry is,

he was a big boy when

everything's like when they got there, Henry was a big boy

at the beginning of the expedition.

And when he was at Fort Conger, he somehow put on another 10 kilograms, which is 22 pounds.

Jesus Christ.

So he gained weight.

So he was like, bring me another walrus.

Like he is,

he's eating.

He's a big guy.

He's a stress eater.

Sure.

Yeah.

So

Adolphus keeps warning him to not steal food.

He's like, you have to stop stealing food.

But for some reason, Henry thought that he would be the last guy alive.

Well, if he's stealing all the food.

So he thought he could come up with a narrative to tell the rescuers when they came because he'd be the only guy alive.

He must have thought.

He'd have a lie of like just like

alive.

He thought he'd be the only guy alive at the end.

He must have thought because he had more fat on him.

How do we know this?

Through the journal?

Yeah.

Okay.

So,

he must have thought that he has more fat on him, so he'll last.

I would think that that makes some

bit of sense.

In these situations, the skinnier guys usually die first.

Like, that's a good thing.

Yeah, I would think a lot of fat would be helpful.

So he's just ignoring shavings off yourself.

I'm delicious.

That got really upsetting.

Hey, want to know a little secret?

I've been eating my back fat.

Well, that's nothing surprising.

You want us here?

You want a piece?

None of that.

So

he's just ignoring Adolphus when Adolphus is like, stop eating, stop stealing fucking food.

So in early June, Adolphus was done.

He

writes a note to three of the strongest men remaining.

And there's not that many guys left.

I feel like there's like nine or ten left at this point.

And the note says that they are to execute Henry for

continually stealing food.

So he gives three of the men bullets, but one of them is blank, so they won't know who kills him.

And when they're outside, they start to move on Henry, but Henry sees them and rushes at them and they shoot him and they kill him.

Jesus Christ.

The blank bullet thing is wild.

Isn't it?

Yeah, because I would imagine you'd be like, I actually saw where mine went in.

I killed him.

Be like, all right, well, whatever.

Sorry.

I'm glad he's dead.

So most guys.

It's going to save a lot of food.

It is going to save a lot of food.

So most guys have died.

Like I said, the alive guys are barely alive.

Winter.

ends and it starts warming.

And they the plan is that they were going to row 50 kilometers to Greenland.

That was the plan the whole time: hunker down and then row.

But they have no strength.

Yeah.

So they burn the wood in the boat.

Wow.

And as the snow melts,

their shelter is flooded.

And

well, this can't get worse.

Oh, man.

I'll tell you what.

They ate the dogs like five months ago.

So they have to move to a dry beach between their camp and Cemetery Ridge, and they put up a tent, and they're just waiting to die now.

Like, that's, they're just like,

fuck it.

Now, Adolphus was married to a woman named Henrietta.

And Henrietta, from the beginning, didn't like.

the sound of no food or supplies getting there.

So

she never stopped lobbying politicians in DC.

She's like, send a rescue ship.

So she's just constantly being like, hey, what are you guys doing?

Stop.

One problem was that Secretary Lincoln from the beginning had despised and neglected the Greeley mission the entire time.

I don't know why he didn't like it, but he hated the idea of the mission.

And when that board was put together,

to recommend a rescue mission,

and they did, and they said how to do it, then the resistance kind of ended and everyone was like all right

so they sent two small fully equipped ships the fetus and the bear

sure

whatever

all right and then i'm gonna let my two-year-old name one

bow

bow

all right uh so they headed up and they got to that latitude in the third week of june this is very early in the season, and the men on one of the ships was looking at land for any indication or a message or anything.

You know, they're just kind of standing on.

Well, where the fuck are they?

Well, they were just going up and down.

Yeah, they were just going up and down the area.

And then they see a guy

out on a beach waving a tattered pair of underwear.

Hey, there's a skeleton showing us laundry.

What do you think that is?

Hey, look,

I found the island for Pirates of the Caribbean.

I know, I think that's a pervert.

He's just got, he is a pervert.

He's got that underwear.

That's a sexual ghost, is what that is.

Fuck you, creep.

Yeah, nice try.

Yeah, he wants us to come there, and then he's going to eat us.

Help, help,

help.

So

I think they found them.

Man,

guess how many are alive?

Five.

20?

25 to start with.

Oh.

Five?

25.

Seven.

Seven.

Jesus Christ.

Seven.

Seven.

But they are,

they're literally all like, they're hours from death.

They're like, there's no way any of them would have lasted two more days.

Like they are like hours from death.

Help.

So they get them on the ship.

They also take the bodies on Cemetery Ridge.

And in doing so, they notice that there are chunks of flesh carved out of some of their bodies.

What happened to the guys?

Squirrels?

The meat guy.

Did they have knives?

They're very neat.

Yeah,

the meat squirrels here.

They're very

clever.

Yeah.

Okay.

They have knife hands.

The meat squirrels.

I don't have fingers.

So the men said they had cut off pieces of the dead to use for bait when they were fishing.

Yeah, it was for fishing.

Nothing

fish is better than a little human flesh.

But honestly, who in the world is like, how dare you eat other people when you're starting stuff?

It's the thing I never get.

Like, I'm like, yeah, you eat the guy.

It's a matter of time.

I think, really, put yourself in that position.

I mean, I'm eating the guy.

I think survival instinct kicks in, and you go, we'll start.

Yeah.

Guess what?

I lowered my standards out there when I was dying.

So, figureless Ellison had made it this far, but he was not going to make it back on the ship.

He had survived because the men had given him extra rations to make up for his suffering.

In the final weeks, they had tied a spoon to the stump of his hands so he could feed himself if everyone else died first.

That is so top 10, don't he?

He's doing kind of best part of a lot of spoon handed him

because he was getting extra rations.

And then imagine seeing that guy when you're like picking everyone up and then one of the guys comes over with his spoon hand.

I mean, he's literally a sound guarded song.

Hey, got room for one more?

Jesus Christ.

Oh, my God.

This ghost has spoon hands.

Oh, my golly, golly, golly.

Hi.

Imagine the conversation where they're like, you know, Ellison probably might outlive us because he got extra rations.

Do you think we should tie spoons to his hands?

Calories are low.

We'll just tie a spoon to his hands.

Is there a vat of pudding around?

What are you going to use the spoon for?

He's just trying to carve meat out of the dead.

Oh, no.

Listen, this is for when you want to eat dirt.

Maybe one of them could be a knife?

No.

No.

We'll do spoons on each.

Once he was on the rescue ship and being fed properly and in a warm cabin, his circulation increased.

Which led to gangrene setting in, and he died three days after rescue from gangrene.

Remember when you said it was dark when they were just putting spoons on his hand?

Oh.

He got warm and died.

You know, it turns out the weather was doing him a real favor.

Yeah.

Oh, my lord.

One of the worst deaths ever in the history of the dollop.

That's crazy.

Right?

I just, it's the saddest, the saddest, yes.

The idea that he was, he had spoon hands,

and then they, they, the second that they, that he feels warmth and probably feels good.

They're like, well, the infection's everywhere.

That'll be a wrap on you.

So when they get back, the eating each other thing, of course, makes the front page of the papers, the New York Times.

It's a big deal.

But, you know, everyone loves a cannibalism story.

So that's going to make news.

In the end, six guys make it back and live.

That included Adolphus and Brainerd.

The crazy thing about adolphus is he was super skinny at the beginning and skinny ones usually die first but somehow he survived wow

so adolphus stayed in the army and eventually became a general uh brainer also became a general every year on june 22nd the anniversary of their rescue adolphus and brainerd got together to eat one of the menus that they and the other man had set up.

Listen to what you just said.

They got together to eat one of the men.

That was where

I know menus.

I was like, what?

They had stored the guys in ice.

Why should we eat every year?

They ate one of them.

It would have been like a bottle of wine.

So they ate one of the, they cooked and ate one of the menus that the other men had fantasized at about Camp Clay.

When Adolphus Greenley died in 1935 at the age of 91, Brainerd became the last survivor of the expedition, quote, to be the last man is a lonesome job.

Oh

my

gosh.

Like, who, I just, I can never get over the guys who are like, I'm going to go explore the Arctic.

Like, have you heard the fucking story?

Have you heard the stories?

Let me ask you this.

Were a lot of these missions successful?

I know we focus on the terrible.

There had to be like some good ones, but it just seems like.

Yeah.

Like it wasn't like air travel.

You weren't like, most likely I'll make you were like, this could go south real bad.

It goes south for a lot of them, a shitload of them.

And yeah, there's a lot that go.

I mean, there's still a ton more that didn't go well, but there are ones that went fine and they made it back.

And,

you know, the famous ones are the ones that didn't.

As they should be.

Yeah.

I just,

it really,

you even hearing it, you just feel it I would wilt so quickly and I would not make it.

I would not.

I would die.

Yeah.

Sources, the U.S.

Naval Institute disaster at Lady Franklin Bay by Andrew Jempeler.

Explorers web, which I know is you're a big...

That's the magazine.

I do a lot of those.

Big reader of.

Great survival stories.

The Gruly Expedition by Jerry Kabalenko

and

the

National Park Service, Adolva Screenly, Washington is the name of that one.

So that's it.

That's a bad one.

That's a bad one.

I'll never forget the one where we did it in Australia Live where one of the guys looked at another guy and ate his finger in front, bit his finger off like he was mad and had frostbite.

But I don't know.

Giving a guy a spoon paw is pretty fucking dark.

Spoon paws,

first of all, it's the name of the that's the name of the book.

His book, it is just on the cover with a spoon on one hand and a pen in the other.

My book, Spoon Paw.

Spoon paw is the best

Soundgarden song, though.

Spoon paw.

What's up, Gare Forrest dollheads?

It's Gareforce.

Listen, I don't know what's going on anymore.

Listen, go to GarethReynolds.com because I have a lot of shows coming up.

I'll be in San Diego, California, September 21st, Chandler, Arizona, September 24th, Springfield, Missouri, the 26th, 27th, four shows.

Columbia, Missouri, September 28th.

I will be at in Wichita, Kansas on September 30th at Vorges.

I'll be in Appleton, Wisconsin, October 1st.

Fort Wayne, Indiana for two shows on October 3rd.

Then I'm taping my special at the Den October 4th.

Saturday, October 4th at Chicago, Illinois, GarethReynolds.com.

Also, I'll be at Rooster T Feathers in Sunnyvale, California, November 6th, 7th, 8th.

I'll be in Omaha, Nebraska at the Funnybone, November 28th, November 29th.

I will be in Vancouver, British Columbia, December 2nd.

And then I will also be in Seattle and Eugene right after that.

GarethReynolds.com for tickets and information.

Come on, Gareth Force.

Let's party.