711 - Early Baseball Mascots

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Oh, wait.

You're listening to the dollop. My mom came into the kitchen today, hiccuping up so loud that it scared the shit out of me.
She's like, I'm sorry.

This is an American History Podcaster. Each week, I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to a dweeb.
Gareth Reynolds, not a dweeb, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about.

Not at all, a dweeb. Dweeb.
Cool guy. Hey, hey, guy who reads all the time, calling fucking other guy a dweeb.
Nah, the roles are dweeb, cool kid.

Number one, you're not a kid. You're a middle-aged man.
I'm a teenager. And number two,

in this relationship, I'm 100%.

And number two, you parked cars as what when you were a teen. What were you wearing?

What were you wearing? You're going to ballet park shame me. What were you wearing? A tutu.
Dweeb. Not a t-weeb.

Do you you know how many girls would put their numbers into my tip slip? Slip, slip. Shame.
My tip hole. Women would put their numbers into the tip hole.

What's a tip hole?

The anus.

1880 France.

The French opera La Mascote opened. Mascotte was a fairly new.
The French what?

La Mascote. It's an opera.

The French opera. Okay, gotcha.

By the way, the way that you were like, it's an opera. Complete dweeb.
Mascote. It's not a dweeb answer.

It's the opera. At least it didn't get under your skin.
I'm fine, dude.

Mascote was a fairly new French slang word derived from the term mascoto, which means spell or bewitchment. Hmm.

It was a gambling term mostly and about having a good luck charm.

Okay.

So at first it was used for items like trinkets, but the writer decided to make Mascot a person. Like a mascot.
Gareth, you are smart.

The opera was about an Italian farmer, Rocco, who struggled to go crops, and his brother, a successful farmer, sent him a new worker, Bettina, who was a keeper of turkeys.

This is Bettina, she's got turkeys.

So

post-Thanksgiving episode.

Oh, I forgot we've already had the day of. You know, I stopped saying happy Thanksgiving this year to people.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I just have a good week.
Yeah.

Rocco did not read a letter his brother had sent with Bettina, and it said she was a muscote and mysteriously brings good fortune to whom she's connected. This is in the opera.
Yeah. Okay.

As long as muscots remain pure and chaste, their power continues. Pure and and chaste? They're only virgins.
You don't bang your mascot? You can't fuck your mascot. Don't bang the turkey leaves.

Still goes today. Do not fuck your mascot.
I've made it. I'm specifically talking to Philadelphia fans.
I've made some big errors.

So

the only virgins, and Rocco's fortune turns around with her there. Okay.
The plot goes on. Local ruler takes her, etc., and then it ends with her getting, you know,

getting the sex. The mass hole.
Yeah, now she's not a mascot anymore. Right.
So the word.

Because of the opera, the word finds its way to America. And

we make it really stupid. The sporting life.
It'll dress up like a chief.

The sporting life. We'll be chiefs.
And New York Times. We'll have a white guy do Brown face.

He'll put on war paint. Woo.
Hey, that's the good version of what I'm about to go into. Thanks, France.

I can only imagine.

The Sporting Life of New York Times described the new phenomenon that was happening. Teams started taking on good luck mascots or muscotes.

It is not certain who the first muscote was, but it was believed to be Handsome Dan.

Handsome Dan, of course,

is a bulldog

that belonged to someone in the Yale class of 1892. Oh, right.
And they started walking him on the field before games.

It's an actual bulldog, though. Yeah, he's still the mascot today of Yale.
There's been 18 handsome bands. Christ.
They kill them if they lose. They're dying at quite a clip.

Oh, yeah, I guess they are. Well.
When did Yale start? So 1892. I don't know.
Yeah. No, that is.
I mean, Bulldogs aren't going to live the longest. But they're supposed to live at least 10, right?

Sure.

Then that's under. Okay.
But also, they're being taken care of by students. It's also a stressful life.
Yeah.

I mean, if you, if they lose, they beat you. Yeah.

And then, yeah, if you lose, well, every time, every losing season, they eat the mask out.

And then you also have to know that you've gone, you're at the same school as some of the most horrible people in history.

Bushes and

kissingers and so on and so forth. I'm sorry.
Am I the only one who wept at Dick Cheney's funeral recently? Yes, you are. Actually, it's a tough watch.

A man died. Harvard.
Harvard. Harvard.
Harvard had John the Orangeman. Uh-oh.

Listen.

John was an Irish immigrant. Actual guy.
He's an actual guy.

He's an Irish immigrant who watched a football game or practice and then after offered to get the players water. Well, John, would any of the guy are any of those guys tursted?

Can I get you some

Liquids. Would some of you like to hydrate a little bit?

And so he did. And afterwards, they passed a hat and he collected $2.

Whoa, that'll go a long way for me. Thanks, chids.
This is what we call symbiosis.

And then someone, one of the players, someone said if he brought fruit to their rooms later,

tip him more. Well, that's a bit of an escalation, isn't it? All right, suppose I will.
What are you after?

And he did. Just bring up some.
If you bring us all pineapple later, we'll give you more money. Okay.

And this is how he began to make a living. Okay.

Selling fruit to students out of a basket, going into dorms and onto ball fields. Okay.
So he, right.

So he kind of like the first hot dog guy. Yeah.

How much watermelon?

Apples.

The class of 1881 bought him a hand cart.

Quote, they wanted to give him a

darn key. That can't be right.
Dorm key. A darn key, too, but

oh, this is in his language. They wanted to give me a darn key, too, but I'd be afraid the faculty make a row about having him in the yard.

Oh, they wanted to give him a donkey, but the faculty might be pissed if they have a donkey. Yeah.
Well, the faculty wanted to get me a darn key.

Oh, boy.

So the yard manager at first refused to let the hand cart in, but students kept petitioning until the school relented. Okay.

John is still the only person who has ever been allowed to sell in the Harvard yard. Wow.

Still there. What?

Exactly what I like about my friends. So John, after a while,

getting older. And in 1891, they bought him a donkey in a cart.
because it was too much of a load.

And he was a fixture at games and baseball, football, selling fruit.

The football team brought him to their away games, and he made so much money doing this that he was able to buy a three-story house in Cambridge. Oh, my God.

No. Times have changed.
Yeah, honestly.

Do you like it better, Froze? Well, pardon me, then he goes home to a butler.

Hello, Orange John.

Get out of my fucking way.

There is a staged, this is where there is a

staged picture. There's a painting, a staged painting of John with a student drinking.
And there's bottles on the ground around them. It's a dry campus.

So

some people wonder if John was selling more than fruit. Oh.
Because it's a dry campus. And I think the whole area is dry at this time.

So maybe

that's a way more science.

Hey, can I get some of that old-timey fruit?

I suppose. She wants tonic with that.
Here you are. Yeah, he's just handing people oranges just with like beers in them.
There you are. Can I get an orange special? Yes.
There you are.

You're like a nana. Yeah, that's exactly what it would be.
Don't peel it all the way down. Just sip from the bottom.

So the Dixon Baseball Dictionary says the first use of mascot in print was in a 1883 issue of The Sporting Life about a boy named Chick.

Okay.

Chick carried bats and ran errands for the players of the Pottsville anthracites.

Okay.

Do you have any idea what an anthracite is? I forgot to look it up. Yeah, anthracite's

a kind of mineral.

So I believe it's

in the area. They're probably mining for anthracite.

You mean for real? Yeah, yeah.

Dweeb.

You want to go into the dweeb chip.

The players believed that Chick was a good luck charm, and as Sporting Life, quote, the players pinned their faith to Chick's luck-bringing qualities.

What a nightmare. You let us down today, Chick.
Yes. You completely fucked us today, Chick.
And they hit him with a bat. Ow!

I don't know what I did wrong.

I'm just a boy. If we lose a fourth in a row, we're going to take it out of your ass.

Wait, what?

Being one of the most read sports papers in the country, this story led to more mascots around the country.

A year later, it was reported in the Cincinnati Inquirer that a local team now had a goat wandering around the field. It's just like they really missed the mark a little bit.

Quote. Well, we got a goat.

The goat was probably looking for show bills, oyster cans, or some other usually palatable dish for his stomach, but the audience could not see it in that light and thought he was a a better muscote than the old-time favorite.

The old-time favorite? Who knows? That was probably

a boy or something. But they had like a goat wandering the field eating from oyster cans.
He loved it. By the way, bringing a can of oysters to a game.
Oh, no, that's the best way to watch a game.

I don't agree. No, I like to bring any kind of canned fish.
Y'all want some oysters?

There you go. This game's just getting going.
You don't need a fork. Use your finger.

The oyster water will clean your hand.

That is a natural

that's antibacterial. Is it? Well, I don't know, but I'm drinking the finger juice when everybody's done grabbing.

Hi, I'm Uncle Caesar. I'm not legally allowed to be at this field.

Okay.

Is there more to it than that? Not really, but I got a bunch of cans of oysters. Yeah.
And I got a lot of stories.

Actually,

we don't need to hear the stories. Good.
I don't have any, but I do drink the finger oyster water at the end.

Okay. There you go.
Put your hand in there. No.
Come on. It's just weird now.
I feel uncomfortable. I'm terminally ill.
Okay, here we go. Yeah, I'm actually quite healthy.

We're. Whoa.

I have

leprosy fingers. That's fine.
Okay.

Oh, that was nice. Okay, stop.

In 1886, supporting a wife.

What? My wife passed away. Okay.
Yeah.

Not too long ago. Oh, right.

But I've decided to date. Okay.

Do you know anything? Cool. Yeah.
It's actually a conversation like...

Oh, no. Some dribbled down my shirt.
Okay. I don't mind it a little there.
Yeah. Lad and wet.
You can see my bella buttonhole. You act like that's a bad thing, but at the time,

at the time,

oyster-smelling men were probably a catch.

Literally.

He's got it all.

So in 1886, the Sporting Life wrote about the Browns baseball team's mascot. Uh-oh, we're getting club danger.
Little Nick is the luckiest man in the country and is certainly the Browns' mascot.

This was actually the first time the E was dropped from a scote. Okay, so now we're mascot.

And the New York Times later that year dropped the extra T when writing about Charlie Gallagher, who was a boy mascot who was, quote, said to have been born with teeth and is guaranteed to possess all the magic charms of a genuine mascot.

Nope, not born with teeth. Wrong idea.
No. I know.

Just didn't happen. It sounds like he had a beautiful smile.
Hello.

Hello, everybody. So I guess mascot was feminine because it had

the double consonant and the E, which is feminine. And they probably also just didn't want it being French-y.

That's what I mean, but the actual French one would be considered a feminine word. So when you're conjugating the verb, you would keep that in mind.
Okay.

Whatever you think. Dweeb.

In Chicago, the team was led out onto the field by a band, followed by little Willie Han. Hi.
Who carried a huge broom on which the words our mascot were painted on. Hello?

Wow.

This place is filthy.

They couldn't figure out how to make a sign. Hey, this place is really dirty.
Oh boy, I'm going to be sweeping all night.

This is awesome.

Although it could be...

Who is he the mascot for? Is he the Browns mascot? Chicago, so probably the White Sox. But also in baseball, if you...

Yeah, if you won two games.

It's considered a sweep when you win all three. So people will bring brooms to the stadium.
Yeah.

But he always always had one yeah i've i've got several brooms for that reason what yeah 17.

but at this point it's mostly just boys and animals that's that's the the majority of mascots boys and animals sure

and if teams did well they would keep the boy or the animal around if they started to lose

they cut the kid loose or the goat or goose or whatever it is sure i keep the boy around you mean like the boys like staying in the locker room my parents are wondering where i am we are at the time of orphan trains

So it was like best case scenario for an orphan. Yes.
Thank God we won five in a row. I'm going to go sleep in the shower, boys.

All right, Gus.

Hey, look, we lost two games. You're out, kid.
Get out of here. But what? Get one of your other street urchin buddies in here.
No, please. I've grown.
I've been spoiled.

Spoil tough shit because we lost. No, but I've become soft on the inside of the stadium.
Well, you shouldn't have because this was always your favorite.

I literally had nothing to do to influence him for the king. Kid, baseball is a game of streaks.

Sometimes you win a bunch, and we love having a kid around. Sometimes you lose a bunch.
Kids got to go. But I have nothing.
You'll be sending me to my church debt.

I'll be 100% killed if I go back out there. You should have made sure we won.
Look, we're going to kill him now. Okay.
All right. See you later, kid.
Hit him with a bat, Chuck. Bam.

The mascots, they're no joke. They weren't like today's mascots.
They were taken very seriously. I can't even wrap my head around what that means.
The 1888 St. Louis Browns.
Quiet, the Bulldogs here.

Team photo included a boy in uniform and two dogs. That's what they considered the team.

Two dogs. I mean, is there a harder picture to take with the camera technology back then? Just Christ, these fucking dogs and the boy.

wow um

they're all credited

they're in the team

is the ring in the yes in the team description they're all credited as being part of the team wow

the team's nickname was the world beaters so they probably considered these good luck charms to be an integral part of their success right

and it wasn't just teams sometimes players would pick their own personal mascots

fucking amazing that should be that i've never heard anything on this show that should be brought back more than players having their own personal mascot.

Let's go.

I'm surprised that hasn't come back actually. Like to have on your payroll, like, this is my personal assistant, my attorney, my agent, my mascot.

Just like some guy with like googly eyes like hanging over. How are you?

Great to meet everybody. We're excited to be a part of the family.
I didn't put it in here, but Babe Ruth had his own boy mascot. Oh, Ray.

Ray? Yeah, he's a little kid. How are you? Can you imagine what that kid saw? Huh, Mr.
Ruth, you shit orgasmed again.

Can you do me a favor? Uh-huh. Can you never say shit orgasm again? Why? Because you know what I'm saying? I just don't want you to bring up the kids.
You know what I'm talking about, though, right?

I don't want to talk about it. Okay.
It's like HP and Mayo. No, we're good.
Okay.

Do you know the sound it makes? Stop. In 1900, players were giving money or whatever to boys outside the stadium.

So they like, because they're, like I said, there's all these kids living on the street. Right.
So they'd like give them, toss them some change or whatever to get the kid to smile.

And sometimes if a kid, like, like they liked him, whatever, they'd be like, look, look at this. Good luck charm and bring them into the stadium.

We,

I can't even.

You're saying it's a better time. Well, no, I can't even imagine

how this country has functioned this long.

How did it just make it? Like, it just is crazy for you to just be like, why, this boy's a winner. Come on in and watch a ball game with me, boy.

Now, like I said, we're talking about the time of orphan train. So there's a shitload of street urchins just living around with no homes.
So it's kind of a match made in heaven.

And you're helping the kid out, right? You're giving him some food or whatever. This is a pedophile's dream.
Oh, my God.

Can we be honest? Yeah. This is a pedophile's dream.
This is like you're just... You're talking about just America or are you talking about this part of America? This part of America.

Well, clearly America, too. Yeah, no, it's,

yeah. But I would say that.
This kid's my good luck charm. Get in the van.
I would say that about every sex crime at the time. What? That it's

all on the table. Yeah.
But this specifically to just be like,

which team do you support? Neither. I just love boys.

In 1908, a 10-year-old orphan named Ulysses Simon Harrison was living on the streets of Chicago. And Harrison was a black kid.
Okay.

And he apparently sought shelter in the stands during a Detroit Tigers game in Chicago. Sought shelter? Mm-hmm.
Okay.

And the team went on a winning streak. And naturally, they thought it was because of young Harrison.
Oh, my God.

And on July 4th, the Detroit Free Press reported, quote, Detroit is carrying with it a mascot, Batboy, an ebony-hued pick called Erastus, who was picked up by Schaefer at Chicago.

He will have a home as long as the present streak lasts.

So much bad. Brain can't use

joke. Yeah.

Oh my God.

He's got an ebony hue to him, and he'll have a home as long as the team doesn't ever fucking lose.

There seem to be different versions of it, but it sounds like Ty Cobb had run across

Harrison before a game and taken

he liked him so let's let's briefly talk about ty Cobb because the last time I brought him up everyone flipped not everyone there's a bunch of people they get more upset about if if you besmirch a baseball player than like anybody else so um

Ty Cobb had a biography written by a guy who hated him and he made up all this shit making him see racist and then another guy you're and so that was the that was the take on him for years but then another guy wrote uh a correction right a history guy uh and he was like no he's not but they both went too far in their general directions okay so he was just the right amount of racist for those of you wondering ty cobb was the right amount of racist and and the guy like you is like well his dad was for uh you know civil rights and stuff and it's like yeah but his dad also beat him like so he you can't take from that that like he believed the same thing his fathers did right um but uh but he he sounds very much like a racist of the day, not an overwhelming racist.

Also, a lot of guys on his team fucking hated him.

And so

he's a very complicated person. I'm never going to do a dollop on him because I think that there's so much shit out there that's just bullshit.

Well, let's just say on behalf of the show that, you know, we

would like to apologize because Ty Cobb was the appropriate amount of racist for the show. And we embrace that.
And that's great.

So

Ty Cobb is the one who took a liking to young Harrison. This black kid's okay.
And nicknamed him Lil Rastus.

His name was Ulysses.

Ulysses Simon Harrison.

What's going on? Probably after the president. But why are we calling him Rastus?

Well, okay, Rastus is an incredibly offensive name for African Americans going all the way back to a character named Brere Rastus in the first Uncle Remus books in 1880.

Uncle Remus books were collections of stories from the deep south, and by this time, Rastus was commonly used to depict a jolly, docile slave or a happy black man.

They just

this is the this is the good version of

I just,

God.

You imagine if white people had the history in this country that black people had, the Karen, the Karening that would be taking place every day.

Oh, my God.

And calling a kid that?

Well, Rastus at that time is a very common name in minstrel shows.

Fuck me.

America.

You don't need to say anymore. Just put an exclamation point after that.
Very, very, very disturbing place that

seemed to have the belief that the more socially outcast someone was, the more his worth was as a good luck charm.

Is that not good?

Bring it back.

We are. Better than eugenics.

Across the country, people with

humpbacks,

buddy, the hunched back.

The hunched back, as it is, dwarfism, crossed eyes, those with mental illness were seen as talismans.

So good luck, good luck, charms, to have around.

Jesus Christ. Doesn't it seem like some really perverted, disturbed sense of charity? Well, yeah, it's almost like in America, you

back then, because I'm like, now it wouldn't matter, but back then you'd be like, well, look, I hope this kid's either normal or really abnormal.

That's the only shot they got.

Don't make them like pretty bad. Make it like impossible.
Then maybe they can be a mascot for a traveling team.

And then, of course, in with this, they threw black people and Native Americans.

Which is also amazing to be like, but this is, he's a very tiny man, and this woman has a hump, and this is a black man.

They all are horribly afflicted.

So this belief in America, and really

obviously

a lot of the black part of it was in the South.

So this was, of course, taken up by baseball teams, the same attitude. Although there aren't as many baseball players from the South at this point,

that reverse, because now many are from the South.

So Harrison

becomes the team's mascot. But even so, he's like Ty Cobb's

personal

mascot, I guess. Cobb would bring him food.

He would endear himself to the team by running errands for players.

So

they let him become the Tigers' bat boy and mascot, and he's just in the clubhouse all the time. That's also really weird.
I mean, can you imagine what a child sees in a clubhouse in that? Crazy.

Like, just crazy. Crazy.

Now you want to see me drink a beer with my dick?

They let him sleep there after games

because he's homeless. Crazy.
Well, so that's nice, actually. It is, but also what?

And when they went away on road trips, they let him stay in the clubhouse. So this kid just like lives in the clubhouse for like nine days alone sometimes.

But better than being an urchin on the street. Oh, so crazy.

It's gradiations of terrible. Yeah.
I mean, but he's doing like home alone clubhouse.

So they immediately lost when they went on a road trip. So they decided to start bringing Harrison on the road trips, too.
Now you know the road trips are worse. By the way, crazier.

In all the researching I did in this story. You see, I can fuck her because I paid her.

You understand, little boy? No.

Yeah,

because I gave her money. She let me have sex with her.
Okay. And we'd have a big double header tomorrow.

Do me a favor. Get the butt rag.
What? Let me rank for the bottom.

Yeah, I was racist until you became my boy.

They could make a salad after me.

So, when I researched this, this is this drove me crazy. So, everyone, when they talk about this story, they still call him little Rasmus instead of his fucking name.
Call him Harrison. Well,

you can actually call him by his actual name now because it's, I don't know, 2025.

You know, we've kind of abandoned this whole language thing you're after. So, um,

uh, I don't know what you're going for exactly, but uh, no

the Detroit News quote

when Schaefer went to bat in the fourth, he rubbed his bat in the darkies' hair and then singled.

I can't, I just,

you know what we need? What's that? Day of shows, you just got to text me, like, if we're going to go in this direction, just like a code.

Like, just text me what we're going to be dealing with on a scale of one to five.

Jesus Christ, he rubbed it in his hair so we got a single so other players

then started rubbing their bats on his hair before they went to the plate for good luck

he's the apollo log rubbing black people's head is a very subtle and passive way of being disrespectful or condescending so condescending but i would say this is not well for the time probably more subtle than normal racism but yeah because they're like he's got lucky head versus you know like well you know

even still in this day people are like, can I touch your hair? No.

No, you don't, don't do that. That's a human being.
Did you ever see that video where Mitt Romney is taking a picture with a group of like black students? I can't even remember.

It's like maybe when he was running for president. Do you know what I'm talking about? I think I remember this.
He just goes, he just goes, who let the dogs out? Oh, yeah.

Because he's from Utah. Not only because he's from Utah, but like that.
We should have stopped America then and and been like, all right. All right, let's wrap it up.

Well, just have a meeting.

Like, we need to have a big meeting.

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The practice continued until the 1870s when it would get your ass kicked. Like people

touching black people's hair. Yeah.

It went on until they were like, so I'm going to kick the shit out of you now.

What a great turn that was.

What are you so mad about? I'm doing what we do. But it still happens.
Like, you can go on TikTok and see like black people being like, don't touch my fucking hair. What are you doing?

Like, it's still a crazy white person thing.

But

Ty Cobb refused to rub his head.

He didn't want to do that. You got to be racist.
No, he didn't do it because he thought it was, he legitimately thought it was wrong.

Boy.

Now, despite how wildly racist this all is, Ty Cobb and Harrison are very friendly and close. The Detroit News wrote that Cobb was, quote,

the Ethiopian's main defender and patron. I just can't.
I just, the fucking Detroit news was so racist at the time. Like, I can't.
Like, what are you doing? What are you doing?

What are you doing? I don't think we're allowed to be talking about this stuff anymore, sir.

What? Cobb would sneak Harrison into his hotel room when they were on the road and would hide him under his bunk.

He made sure Harrison was never found in the hotel. It was considered particularly good luck to have Harrison sleep under your bed.
This is so fucked up. What do you mean? That is so crazy.

But again, if you're a game, you want to have a good game, get this boy under your bed. Well, some he did sleep under a pitcher's bed and the guy threw like a one-hitter.
Dave, shut up.

And also, I'm not kidding. The kid probably heard some really weird fucking.

Without question.

Without question. That's so awful.
They were drinking on the road. He was just like, you sleep under my bed.

She's like, oh, my God. Yeah, give it to me, Ty.
Give it to me, Ty. Give it to me, Ty.
I'm going to squirt it. I'm going to squirt it.

Woo!

I'm going to squirt it.

Oh, my God, there's a boy under your bed. Of course there is.
We got a game tomorrow, you idiot.

What do you think we're going to do? I mean, you come, didn't I? Wait, darn, you came. I'm going to fucking hit a bunch tomorrow.
That's on him. That's a boy.

Before I fucked you, I rubbed my cock on his head. Oh, Jesus.
All right. You're right.
That one went way too far. What's wrong with you? I agree.
You were attractive.

You were just the guy saying this is all too much. And I didn't mean to do that.

I apologize.

Now, after a while, Harrison began to feel it

and

feel how fucking awesome this was. Again, he could be living on the streets.
Yes.

And against the player's wishes, he would go to the lobby and strut around in front of the black bell hops, telling them that even though it was illegal, he is staying in the hotel. Jesus Christ.

How old? What age are we talking right now? He's a kid. He's like 10 or something, or eight.
He's like really young. I'm staying in the rooms, boys.
He's a child.

He's like, hey, I'm staying in the room, man.

Yeah, it's crazy. This is all crazy.
This is insane.

Cobb was also known to hide Harrison in a locker or take other measures to protect his good luck charms. So, if he didn't want another player to take him or whatever, or to

why are you looking like that? It's absolutely this is this is maybe the worst thing that's happened in America.

Like, after the pitcher threw the one-hitter or whatever it was, Cobb wouldn't let the guy have,

wouldn't let him sleep under the bed anymore. And that guy's.

Come on, dude.

Come on.

What? Baseball players are very superstitious. They always have been.
I know, but

they won't change socks if they're getting. You seem weird tonight, Mr.
Cop. What's going on? You slept under that pitcher's bed.

What? You slept under the pitcher's bed. And he had a no-hitter.
And then I didn't have a very good team.

Why would you sleep under his bed when you're supposed to sleep under my bed?

I'm sorry.

Look,

I want to be exclusive. What?

Only you and me.

You're mine. Do you understand?

Uh-huh.

Okay.

So you only sleep under my bed. You sleep in my locker.
Do you understand?

I'm all right.

Okay, sorry. I didn't mean to get mad at you, man.

If he wants to get his own black mascot, boy, he can.

Someday I feel like this trauma is going to be really difficult for me to explain to someone. I'll be dead when that happens.
So I don't give a shit.

Now get under my bed.

Anyway,

as the team kept winning in 1908, they attributed it to the young black kid and rubbing their bats in his hair.

But then in September, they start to lose. Well, did you start washing your hair, boy? And their lead in the standings shrinks.
Get out of here. And Cobb goes into a hitting slump.

They had also started to suspect

that Harrison was taking balls and bats and equipment to sell on the street.

So they cut him loose.

They tossed him out like an old pair of shoes. This kid is going to be so lost.
No different than like.

Re-entry is going to be quite different.

Literally no different than like having a pair of cleats you wear every day because you're in a hitting streak and then you start slumping and you throw the cleats away. Literally the same thing.

But it's a child.

Oh, how do you even tell him? Well, boy, look, we've been doing pretty bad, so you're going to have to go back to just being homeless. Well, Harrison's no fool.

Harrison goes straight to the Cubs, who the Tigers are going to end up playing in the World Series.

And Harrison promises the Cubs to put a curse on his ex-friends. And the Cubs take him in, and then they crush the Tigers four to one in the World Series.

Wait, the Tigers went to the World Series, and they were like, you weren't. So they did fire him and got better? No, they were already going to the World Series.

They were in first place, but their lead was shrinking and they were falling apart. But they still

get out of here.

Get out of here. Wow.
Okay, so that he jumps shit. Smart.
But during the offseason, Ty Cobb brings him to his home in Georgia. This is absolutely fucking crazy.

Work as a domestic servant, which is what you do with children.

Oh my God.

What? Oh, wait, that sounds bad, does it?

Oh, my God.

That sounds almost slavish.

What year is this? This is 18. Oh, this is 19-something.
198 or 9,

8, 1988.

I just.

Look. I know you crushed us in the World Series, but I'd like you to come work at my house for me.
I'm 11.

I mean, it may not have been. From all sounds of it, Ty Cobb was, he really liked the kid.

I understand that, but even then, what the fuck

is going on right now?

Mr. Cobb, I'm real sorry.
Don't be sorry. You did great with the Cubs.
Come live at my house and be a servant. Okay.

Good. So Harrison was, well, what else if they didn't do that? So I think

the thinking might have been like, if we don't do this, he might just be gone after the summer when we come back again. Right.
So, or, I mean, I mean, after the winter. He's way to go.

He could just end up on the streets and gone. Like, who knows? He's a street kid.

He could bend up on an orphan train. I mean, mascot for hire.

So he was. If I were to join the Cubs, I would put a curse on the Tigers.

This organization is not full of idiots. We'd love to hire you.

So Harrison is allowed to rejoin the team for the 1909 season. I bet that was because of Cobb.

That would be my suspicion. Look, I checked him out all summer.
This kid is not cursing us this year. He's been nothing but good luck.
He was great in my house. You should see my apple tree.

He didn't spill anything.

My apple tree has been awesome.

The team wins again. They go on to play in the World Series.
By the way, I wear him in a Bjorn now full-time. Now, they go on to play in the World Series again.

But at that point,

Harrison is just now one of many mascots

because when they get to the World Series, they have six mascots. They have

two other boys,

one who's a black kid who became the chief mascot. What the fuck? And then they have like a goat and like a dog.

Clubhouse is like, this used to be a lot better. There's like a monkey and a giraffe.
Sorry, I was actually, I was sleeping. That's my room.
What? That's where I am.

Hey, if nobody's going to use the showers, we're going to wash the goat.

At the end of the season, at the team banquet, Harrison was given $64 in donations, which is over $2,000 today.

So now what? Like,

now what? My feelings on this are so complicated because it's fucking horrible, but he's also...

He just made $2,000. He was never going to make that as a kid.
He was fucking on the street living. It's fucked up.
The whole thing's fucked up.

America is a prison.

So essentially, do whatever you can to get yours. So yeah, hats off to him.
But still, within that, can we just flip the goddamn table and draw up some new rules?

But yeah, like back then, like, great, good for him. He made two grand the weird way.
But that's all America is.

It's just like,

you know, that's it. That's, that's what, that's what we face all.
That's what we think about all. Like, the idea of even trying to

like, when do you stop wanting to make? I mean,

I hate everything that this country has become. And yet, I'm also like, boy, I got to make as much money as fucking possible because this is a shit show.
That's right. That's what this is.
Exactly.

By the way, I need to get a boy. Yeah.

So Harrison is brought back again in 2010, but he only lasted.

1910

1910 he only lasts until june when he's fired again

after he was known to work for a bit as a driver for an ash hauling company gareth he's like 11 or 12 or something

but then they i found an article in the detroit news that reported on june 30th that he'd just been fired or was no longer working at the ash hauling company so he lasted under a month as a driver can't put him back in regular society quote

Do you understand?

What do you mean? He's not. You're not going to see the Philly fanatic like working in an army and be like, boy, this guy doesn't really understand how to get sandwiches cooked up.

That would be amazing.

Where the fuck do you think a fired mascot is going to go, especially at that age?

Tell you what, you know what? Pull over up here, Bernie Brewer. You just, you have no clue where you're going.

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Now, 1910, Connie Mack.

He is today considered one of the best baseball managers of all time. Have we talked about him before? I believe he's come up before, yeah.
But until 1910, he had not won anything, really.

He had been managing for 12 years. He had a couple of first-place showings, but nothing beyond that.

But then

Louis Van Zelst came along.

Now, Lewis was born in 1895.

His physical issues

started at the age of eight. His brother said it began when he was on a wagon and fell off and his lung collapsed and he almost died.

That is the number one killer of children under 10, his wagon lung.

These kids are falling off these wagons. It is an epidemic.

After that, his growth stunted. And his torso grew twisted, too big for his short legs.
But

he's just trying to picture this kid. He was, I can pull up a picture.
What's his name? He was

Louis Van Zelst.

He was very a smiling, happy kid. Everyone liked to be around him.
He was, he just had a, he had one of those personalities. Oh, wow.
Yeah, okay. And he's super smart.
Okay. He's incredibly smart.
So

in September 1909, the Tigers are playing MAX Philadelphia Athletics in a late season showdown for first place. I got to say, the belt placement didn't help anything

for this kid. It doesn't help.
They probably asked him to do it lately. Yeah.

So the A's are behind the Tigers by 3.5 games, and little Rastus is in the Tigers dugout. And in the A's dugout is Lewis getting his tryout with the team.
Oh, my God, the tension between those two.

Lewis had been used as the Penn University athletics team's mascot when when mac heard about him so he's he is got he's got gotten scouted too they're like we were ready to call you up to the majors basically you're pretty good they got a good win streak everyone in america is a total moron we'd like to sign you for a week test you out

So Mac sees him in the stands. You are in the dumbest country in the dumbest period in the history of the world.
Do you understand?

Max sees him in the stands and yelled to him, quote, how'd you like to 10 bats for us today?

And so during the next two games, the A's caught lucky breaks and won. And so now they're just 1.5 games behind the Tigers.

And while they didn't end up catching the Tigers that season, Lewis did catch on with them.

Look. We need a mascot.
No, we have one. We do.
We have one.

And I thought it was running the merch store.

We really,

it's not even the idea of the mascot. It's the adults being like, these

children have

influence over reality.

But

they truly think like... I put on this wristband and I start hitting like baseball players have this distorted, oh my God, huge distorted

superstitions. Bring back the kids.
Yeah, I agree. Bring back the kids.
Good Lord.

So the next spring, Max signed Lewis to a contract as a mascot.

Who's negotiating that? I mean, what is like... I'll take it.

Your exclusivity is a bit of a problem.

Now, in the season, you can have exclusive rights, but in the outseason, I should be allowed to endorse whatever product you want. Yeah, wherever we want to go.
He wore a uniform. He made road trips.

Two players were his guardians and made sure he went to mass on Sundays.

Travel was hard because Lewis had spasms of pain.

I just. Sorry, but you got to hit the road with us on the bus.
He's hurting back there. Well, we're winning, so tell him to shut the fuck up.

He never complained. A reporter quote: he had the courage of a Spartan.

Honest to God, Dave,

I don't know what I hate more: America's nightmare or the people who write about it like it's normal.

The players loved him.

Even the opposing players loved him. Ty Cobb really liked him.
If a hitter was slumping, Lewis told him, quote, better rub my back for a hit this time.

At one point,

Mac sent him out to be the first base coach. But the umpire immediately sent him back into the dugout because he'd clearly be hurt if a ball was hit at him.

Also, he's like, no, there's a whole like there's a that you got to fill out some paperwork no you didn't you can send anybody out there to be first base coach we want the monkey to pitch but he he looked at him and he was like no if a ball gets hit hard he's not going to be able to move out of the way don't worry he won't hit he didn't rub my back

everybody cool out

so the team starts better that season much better

Another player was leading the leagues in stolen bases over Ty Cobb. The pitchers were pitching better.
The A's won the most games of any team in American league history at that time, 102.

And in the World Series, they played the Mighty Cubs with a couple of injured players. People thought they would get crushed.

Lewis got a big moment when Mac let him carry out the A's lineup card to home plate before game one.

In the final game, they scored five runs in the eighth, and as they rubbed the hell out of Lewis's back, won the World Series. I just, how the fuck?

Isn't that great? Man, you know what they're doing right now. They're all going back out there to rub the back of the boy who needs medical attention.

They are celebrating.

I'll tell you what, Don.

There are a few moments that choke me up in this event anymore, but watching them rub that big old back of that child there, believing that there's a genie inside of that hump, makes me really, really feel something I haven't felt in a long time.

Makes you remember what this sport is all about.

I'll tell you,

I get a little teary eye when I think about treating a human being as not as human.

Well, I think in a civilized society, this boy would probably receive some sort of medical attention for the clear pain that he's in.

But instead, the A's have figured out a loophole, and instead, they just go out there, let the boy rub the bats, rub the back. He sleeps in the clubhouse.
He rides on the bus. He's quite sick.

But all that has culminated in a World Series victory that nobody saw coming. Worth it.
Absolutely worth it. And the boy, we we should point out the boy is down.
He's really

in a lot of pain. This season has taken a lot out of him.
I hear they're looking at half Tommy, who is a boy that was cut in half. That's right.

The lower half somehow survived, and they're taking the bottom half of the boy on road trips with him. But I don't know if there's going to need him next year.

Somebody will probably pick up half Tommy. That's right.
By the way, we should point out that the Minnesota Twins have a finger as a mascot.

A child lost it in a combine harvester accident, and they've taken that on the roll. It is a pinky, and

I'll tell you what, some of their off-season moves already seem to be paying off future dividends, but this is not about the future.

This is about the A's who have put together quite a streak, and the boy who deserves some sort of doctor intervention, who's not going to get it, but instead here is being rubbed by 50 grown men who sometimes sneak him into the hotel and put him under their bed.

And he rides on the bus with them, closing out the season. Top of the bus.
Top of the bus, sometimes, too, where the luggage goes. Thanks, Rick.

When the A's returned to Philly after the victory, fans lined up for a gauntlet and the players passed through.

And Connie Mack was in front, and beside him,

just barely as tall as his belt, was Lewis limping along. Oh my god.
I mean, again,

it's like it is a weird little life lottery for someone who

had all this, and yet it just the level of exploitative awfulness is hard to process.

Like for him at this moment, he's like, this is pretty cool. Yeah.
But it's also like, hey, how about dignity with life?

Mac had finally won a World Series and the Inquirer wrote, quote, many of the players felt that the diminutive chap who walked beside the great connie mac had a lot to do with the humbling of the cubs that's so stupid connie himself thought so so fans were also like there that's yeah we want everybody thinks that he's a big part of it truly what do you think the mean average iq is for america seven yeah i mean it's got to be like super desperately low it's not high

Here's the team photo from that year, and you can see him in the front. Oh, my God.
Of course, I know exactly. Oh, my God.

he is in the team photo, and it is very clear that he is a much smaller person than everybody else in the team. Why is the coach dressed like an art thief? Well, they, yeah, they didn't.

I think back then they didn't dress in uniforms, maybe, or maybe for the picture. So fucking crazy, dude.
He might also be the owner at this point. He's also got a glove on.

Who? The kid. Yeah, sure.
What would you do?

Give him a life.

So the next season, Lewis was back and the A's rolled on and into the World Series

against the New York Giants.

But

Giants had a very special power in their dugout, Gareth. We got a lizard.

Of course, I'm talking about Charles Victor Faust.

Charlie was born in 1880 and grew up on a Kansas farm. Unfortunately, he had mental issues.
Oh, my God. And was just.
I'll tell you what.

They might have a boy because it looks like his pants are in his neck. This guy's out of his fucking tits.

He was just too incompetent to run the family farm.

What the fuck? And Charlie really couldn't do much. And then in 1911, he went to the county fair and went to a fortune teller.
Oh, my God.

And she told him he would become a professional pitcher and lead the New York Giants to the pennant.

So Charlie immediately headed for St. Louis.
How many people do you think that fortune teller told that to that day like you will lead the new york

team to the giants

guy's like 80. oh you think so

okay i just thought i'd finish the farm no

i can't move my leg that's not going to be an issue

So Charlie immediately hops on a bus and goes to St. Louis because the Giants are there playing the Browns.

And he somehow manages to meet John McGraw, the Giants manager, and explained what the fortune teller told him. Well, that's as good as a doctor's note.

And so McGraw is like, I'll give it a try out. Well, shit.
I mean, if a fortune teller at a fair told you to do this and you did it, it seems good enough to me. You ever seen the movie Big?

I think that's real. Pretty sure this is Big.

So

he was awful.

He couldn't pitch. And yet,

that day the Giants won.

Now look, you're a terrible pitcher, but we did win. I think you have magic mascot powers.
You're dumb as a box of boxes, kid, and that is something special. You've got a crazy attitude.

And that's just the kind of thing we need to have here in our locker room.

They won the next day.

And then the Giants are heading out of town on a road trip

for the rest of the road trip, I mean.

And when they came back to New York, they found Charlie waiting for them at the stadium.

I mean,

like, imagine if you picked your boyfriend or girlfriend. This is how you do it.
That's how I've done it. This is like scary.
Like, oh, wow. I mean, I don't know.

I didn't really like her, but we went out twice and, you know, I had good luck. And then she keeps waiting outside of my place.
I think I'm going to marry her.

Well, then they went on a winning streak.

This obviously was not a coincidence. And they decided.
It's obviously not a coincidence.

They decided as a group to bring Charlie on as their mascot. He's immediately popular with everybody.
And

he'd go into the outfield and he'd work out like this clumsy, like he's clearly got no talent. He's not gifted.

And he'd work out in the field before games. And the fans would like laugh at him.

He'd be trying to pitch or run and

trying to get grounders and missing it. And they're just not, can't throw it first, whatever.
So they're all laughing at him.

They had brass bands back then, and he would go and like pretend to lead the brass band. Funny for everybody except for the people in the band who are like, Jesus Christ.

Come on, you guys. Here you go.

That's the three, two, blah, blah, blah.

During the game, he broke my conducting stick. During the game, he'd cheer in the dugout.
And

That has got to be obnoxious as shit.

Woo!

Yeah, it can't be good. Now,

sometimes he'd go outside the outfield wall to warm up in case they needed him to pitch.

We don't need not happening.

He's eating the ball like an apple. But they keep winning.

And they win the pennant.

And Charlie is there in uniform. Sorry, when Charlie was with them in uniform, they won.

36, 36 and 2.

Which is

the most insane basis.

I've never heard of that. I've never heard that.

Charlie's middle name was Victor, so he started calling himself Victory, and the press ran with that. That's a good one.
That is good.

But.

He's frustrated because he's not getting to pitch.

I think he doesn't really understand the arrangement. Well, you heard the fortune teller.
I didn't.

She said he was going to pitch and help them win the pennant.

Has anyone ever gone back to a fortune teller? That's the move. After five years, they're like, yeah, there's a lot of bullshit.
Well, in big, but again, that was a machine.

Yeah, well, that was a Zoltar.

So he became...

So frustrated after he asked one day, and McGraw said no, that he left and went over to the Brooklyn Dodgers. Wow.
But he only lasted there a few days before he came back. Hey, I gotta be honest.

They're not right. Not great.

He also did, would sometimes do a vaudeville gig and he missed games. Oh, wow.
So some agent took advantage of him.

Kids, you're so much bigger than just running around conducting the brass band.

You've got a vaudeville show in you. Who's in town tonight? The mascot from the Giants.
There's a guy who couldn't run his family farm

who led the Giants to a 36-2. Apparently he's a delusional child with some mental problems.

There's him and then there's a camel.

I would go watch the camel. I would go watch both of those.

I mean that's literally what it was though, right? Well there's a cam there's a camel with a wagon wheel on his back and then there's a guy who's telling his story about a fish he caught.

36 bucks a tick.

Jared, one day he missed a game because he was going around New York City sampling pie.

Buddy, I get it. Buddy, I'm with you.
I'm with Jack Simmons story.

When he was there in uniform, the Giants could not lose.

Like when he was out of uniform, they were like 36 and like seven or something. Well, they were probably like,

yeah.

He was, yeah, probably as a mental thing also. Like on their part.

If you were a pitcher, you're probably like, please come to my house. Yeah.

Like, on their part, it was probably like a confidence thing, right? If he's not there, you're like,

Yeah, yeah.

He was always happy, and it seemed like his feelings, he just couldn't be hurt. It seemed like they, you know,

some writers made the point that this was clearly taking advantage of young Charlie, but the team was resolute.

Thank God for some writers being like, Hey, it seems really fucked up.

What? We're winning penance, shithead.

The players loved him, I think. It sounds like, like one one loves a rabbit's foot that's in their pocket, maybe.
Sure. Charlie still really wants to pitch.

And once they had the pennant one, they still have some games to play. Oh, my God.
But they've won. So McGraw lets him pitch an inning against Boston.

He gave up one run.

Boston was like, we are shit. I've seen this in high school baseball.
So, and I read about how he pitched. So

in,

God, I want to say in the late 70s, there was a guy that threw a pitch that was so slow that nobody could hit it. Yeah, it's like the biggest change up.
Yeah.

And he had like, he was like the third or fourth best pitcher in Major League Baseball that year. And they went into the second year into the second, and then everyone's like, okay, we figured it out.

But that's what he was. So he would throw the ball and it would get to the plate and then just die.

And so it looked like it was going to go to the plate and they'd swing and then it would just, because he couldn't throw it that far.

So he

they just refused. They were like, we haven't played bad.
And so

we haven't played a terrible baseball player in a long time.

What did I tell you, Skip?

Because keeping up one run is pretty good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He also got to bat in the bottom of the ninth, even though we're already three out. So they were being nice at that point.
In the last inning of the game,

in the last inning of the last game, they let him pitch again. Okay.

The other team did not score. Oh, God.
And he got to bat again. Oh, no.
But this time, the other team hit him with a pitch intentionally. Oh, my God.
That's fucking... That is fucking savagery.

So he could run the bases. Okay.

Couldn't you just throw four balls? Yeah, you could have. All right.
We're going to give him a respectful bean. Keep in mind, this kid's not 100%.

They probably didn't hit him hard. That'd be hilarious if the guy just fucking Billy Maddison.

there you go kid take your base and then they let him steal second and third sure

and then

he was bunted in to score a run all right so now we are and I don't mean to be rude or shitty but this is did you ever see there was this kid's make-a-wish was to dress up like Batman and save San Francisco yes We're in that territory.

We are. This is okay.

This is like a Chris Connolly ESPN thing where they're just like, but little Darren wouldn't give up. Yeah.
No,

I've seen this in a bunch of different things. Yeah, this is cool.
This is nice.

Again, I don't think you need to bean him. He gets back to the dugout.
Imagine watching one of those ESPN stories and they bean the kid. They're like, Jesus Christ.

He gets back to the dugout and he's got a huge smile and he keeps saying, Who's loody now?

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

But they face the A's in the World World Series.

So now we have the power of the hunched back

guy.

Is that stronger than the Mr. Looney?

It's really the craziest, most disturbing, fucked up

disability off in the history of. Now that we've gone through the roster, let's talk about the issues both mascots have.

One by back, one by brain, both mentally infirmed or physically infirmed. This is a real chess match over who's been dealt the worst hand.

Well, Gareth, the power of the gentleman with the hunched back one.

I'll tell you what, I favored him all the time because of experience. He's been to the big dance before.

So the Giants lose. Super sick kid, not able to really do much anymore, but they keep him there on a little board and they walk him around with it.
Make sure that he's still there.

Unfortunately, victory didn't have enough to pull it out for them, but that hasn't stopped him from running around the clubhouse. And he's got a big cut on his head.
I don't know how he got that.

Charlie afterwards reminded everyone that the fortune tellers said they'd win the pennant, not the World Series. Jesus, I'll tell you what, locker room-wise, I'd be like,

get him the fuck out of here. Do you understand me?

I will smack this kid. Now,

for his part, Lewis got a huge bonus. Sure.
And the A's went on to win. Can I go to a doctor?

No. No.
So

Lewis,

they go on to win the World Series next year, and Lewis obviously playing a huge part by having a physical issue.

Great. Of course.
You know how it works. Not the same for Charlie, though.
Oh, dear.

So Charlie shows up the next season for spring training, and McGraw is surprised because no one had asked him to come. Oh, no.

That might be because the previous season, there were a lot of sports writers saying what they were doing to Charlie was humiliation. Right.

And McGraw had to constantly argue that it was good for Charlie.

So McGraw was convinced to allow him to stay on the team again. And the team is winning and had a 54-11 start.
But Charlie kept demanding playing time.

That's where it's that's again, we're talking about just you know, you can't fault someone for how they behave in a jail nightmare, but that is the misstep.

I will say if you're quiet and you're just sort of, you know what I mean, but to be like there and being like, skip, when are you going to put me in, for God's sake?

But I will say there are kids on Finn's teams who are terrible at baseball and think that they're the best player on the team. Right.
So it's a very weird thing that that happens. Stand up.

So he believes he was an integral part of the World Series team and he should play. And it really starts to get on McGraw's nerves.
And McGraw is no longer amused by his antics.

And some people said was worrying about his mental state. Anyway, he cuts him.
Cuts him.

So Charlie waits around for the rest of the season. Is this the story of how the Joker became?

So Charlie waits around for the rest of the season, waiting for the call to come back. I'm staying in game shape.
It never comes back. The Giants went on to play in the World Series and they lost.

Charlie couldn't give up. He didn't give up though.

For the next couple of years, he sent telegrams to the Major League Baseball Commissioner asking for a contract with the Giants, but it never happened.

He moved to Seattle with his brother, but he still had baseball under his skin. And when the Giants were headed to Portland to play a game, he decided he would meet them there.

And so he started to walk from Seattle to Portland. If history on this show has taught me one thing, Dave, it's that the media will take notice.

Nope.

On the way, he was stopped by the police

and arrested.

So it's worse. Oh, my God.
We're mascot ice.

Can I just say, yes, can I just say, you know, watching just the non-sequitur here, but

the, I feel weird making jokes about ice because I always think it's so strange how.

All right, so we have the terrible thing that's happening. We can't process it.

And then three weeks later, it's the third rail of comedy and it starts to become like funny enough to like make jokes about a little bit. And you think that's normalizing?

And I think that helps normalize all of it. And then all of a sudden it's sort of like, like, I'm like,

we're going to be like eating people's bones. And then eventually, like, we'll be like, I mean, tell you what, I wouldn't mind eating her bone, though.
You know, and we'll be like, ah.

Fortunately, I would say, I know what you mean, but I would say that they're so brutal and savage that they can't be normalized. I think, okay, right.
Okay. All right.
Fair enough.

I think shitting on them is funny. Yeah.
Like you have to shit on them. But I think where you're sort of like,

you know, if you do the thing where you're just like,

I mean, my pasta took like 45 minutes. And I was like, maybe we should revisit this ice thing.

It's like to me, I'm like, fucking what? Yeah, that's not a good one. Yeah.

Yeah, I agree with that. Like I saw today a video that they were just spraying people in their cars with pepper spray just randomly.

Yeah. Yeah.

So their brutality will, you can't normally, you want people to normalize it.

That is amazing that there is no bottom.

So he gets arrested

and then the court sends him to a mental asylum. Oh, my God.

I would imagine partially because he's like, I'm a baseball player and I he put on. A fortune teller told me to be a pitcher.
He put on the intake form. I'm a baseball player.

And so technically he's right. I agree.
He is right. This is like his only job.
But that would sound to a court like someone who is. Sure, but aren't they able to be like, yeah, he was.

They could, but corroborated it. I mean, I don't think this is a time where it's as easy to corroborate something information.

Yeah.

Anyway. But also, people are terrible to people with mental issues.
So

it sounds like this was probably better treatment than what he would get today.

Lewis is having a much better time.

The A's kept him on the team, and they won the World Series again in 1913, but lost the World Series in 1914. So Lewis had four World Series appearances and three championships as a mascot.

He is the MVP. Yeah, he's killing it.

He was there for almost every home game and many road games. Hey, Louis.
Now, you've seen the movies like Rudy, where the players run out and they hit the Notre Dame sign as they're going out. Yeah.

But Rudy's a working fan. So they would do that

before the game with Lewis. They would, every player now rubbed his

hump. Slap him real hard on the way out, boys.
They'd all rubbed the hump before the game. Isn't that

for years? That went on. He was

invited to second baseman Eddie Collins' wedding.

But his physical issues did catch up with him. He fell ill after the 1914 season and then died of kidney disease.

Stuff him, bring him on the road.

Jesus Christ. A streak's a streak.
Charlie was released, but I will say. Ask the doctor if he can remove the hump and we'll just bring that.
It'll make the hump the mound.

Are you listening to me? I'm trying to, I don't know what to say to it. Me either.

But like, again. The mound, obviously, an homage.
You go back to the same thing with

Raspus. rastus um

so this is a guy with a

severe physical issues who at this time would just be completely cast out of society and not taken care of you know i think we're i think we still have um freak shows right like the level of not caring about these people is extraordinary

So to have your last five years of your life to be part of a winning baseball team. This is,

again, it's like it's the level of terrible, yeah. You would like, again, I mean, you'd, you'd, you'd rather just be like, hey, let's talk about cross-the-board dignity.

But instead, you're like, hey, that fucking sick kid really had a good run as a good luck charm. But it's like, there's a lot of other sick kids who could use help.

Yeah, no, no, everyone else is getting screwed. But yeah, you, yeah, you, I mean, it's kind of like being a child actor to some extent.
It's just sort of like, hey, you had a hell of a run, but,

you know, this is, this will end. And and it's gonna be terrible it's gonna be terrible yeah

uh

so charlie was released from the asylum but soon after was admitted to another one and he died june 18th 1915 from tuberculosis

giants lost that day

what did you the a's

played bad in the world series

sorry the a's played in the world series in 1914

but after he died after Lewis died, they finished in last place. Oh, my God.
And then they finished in last place for the next seven years. Oh, my God.

That is.

I mean, what is the line here? The line is that maybe it's like

Dumbo's Feather. No, obviously we're not saying he's a good luck charm.
No, we're saying he's the best luck charm. But we're saying, I would say

that the players have an artificial confidence. Dumbo's feather.

I don't know what that means, but yes.

Dumbo's feather.

Dumbo the feather.

The feather was why Dumbo flew. Oh.

Or

was Dumbo just a flying elephant?

And the second that it was revealed to Dumbo that the feather was just there to give Dumbo the confidence to fly, Dumbo flew without the feather and realized the feather was just something that was a placeholder for his true gift.

The messages put elephants on the circus.

It's an awesome place for a wild animal. Now, the crosstown Phillies have to watch the A's success for all these years

while they failed.

So naturally, they're like,

we need a hunchback,

which is literally what they said.

They tried out at least two that we know of. Oh, can you imagine being like at the audition?

All right, look, we're looking for one.

One.

One guy was named Eddie Naughton, and he was the mascot when the Phillies won their first pennant in 1915.

Now, not doing well, the A's manager, Mac, thought maybe it was because of the lack of a mascot after Lewis.

Or should I be more specific? He literally thought he needed someone with a hunchback.

That is also really shitty. He's.

I can't. I mean, they're really, I'm trying to find a way to.
I mean, what we're talking about right now is... We need a new hunch.

Baseball teams think they need a human being with a specific physical deformity in order to be good at baseball. That's right.
Everything they're doing is important, but the sealer is like, look,

he was obviously very important, but we need to find a new hunch. This is,

we're going to do it Dalai Lama style.

We're going to go from town to town and find the newest.

So the A's auditioned a 13-year-old kid from Philly named Huey McLoon.

Let me tell you something. The last name is terrible considering.
Not good. I'll tell you what.

Marketing-wise, far better.

McLoon.

So it's 1916.

And as soon as Huey walked in, he said, snickering started. Quote, I felt queer.
They all began to laugh and kid me.

Max said Huey wasn't as likable as Lewis.

Yeah, because

he's got a little more self-respect for himself. Well, excuse me, asshole.
Right? Yeah. I mean, do you have fucking, do you know where the fuck he's living right now?

I mean, what the fuck do you expect? A positive attitude.

And the team is not nearly as good as the ones that Lewis is on. So he ends up firing Huey.

Huey has a hard time finding a job and he became a police informer to get by and then gangster shot and killed him in 1928.

Mascots are just what? Did you not like that? It's just, I just met him.

I just met him and now the mob shot him?

So mascots are a thing now. They're clearly a thing.
Eddie Bennett was born in 1903 and had a spinal cord injury. I cannot believe that, Dave, I cannot fucking believe that.

I mean, this is what this is like.

There are so many things in history that just feel like you take two bingo balls out of a machine and you just go, baseball, sick kids, mascots. All right.

Eddie Bennett was born in 1903 and had a spinal cord injury when he was young that left him with a bed for me. Looks pretty hunched.

We'd like to bring him in for a tryout his parents died uh during the 1918 flu flu so he's uh he's orphaned but he's older then right he's 15.

were they vaxed yeah no they weren't of course not yes they were vaxxed sorry the next year he was at the polo grounds in new york which is a ball field when a member of the visiting white sock saw him and asked him to be their bat boy you back is that your natural history are you naturally do you you have a very bad curve are you in a lot of pain?

Yes. We'd like to take you on the bus with us.
Okay. All right.
It's going to hurt. Yeah, it'll hurt.
Absolutely. But we've sucked for a while.
Okay. So we were looking for someone just like you.

I'll do my best. Yeah, all right.
Bennett, it is? Yeah, Eddie Bennett. Well, I'll tell you what, more like Eddie Pennett.

Ow. Oh, there's something squirted out of the back of your neck.
Yeah, it hurts when I put my head back like that.

You have to get a

sort of a cape over you or something. I would like to go to a doctor? Yeah, did you say the Dodgers? Well, we do play them on this road trip.

Absolutely. We'll get you to the Dodgers.
No problem. I need to see a doctor.
You're going to see the Dodgers. Don't worry.
We'll go get you there.

Hey, guys, this kid's got a fucking problem with the Dodgers. We're going to show him

the White Sox. I tell you what, he fell last night.
He just kept saying Dodgers. Dodgers.

He hates the Dodgers. This kid, fuck, he's got fucking venom for the Dodgers, man.

The White Sox lost the World Series that year, and Eddie moved on. And then the Dodgers hired him.

Finally, I'm going to the Doctors. Yeah, the Dodgers.
We're going to take you. You wanted to be on the Dodgers last year? I'm with the Dodgers.
You with the Dodgers, boy. You're on our Dodgers.

Please take me to a doctor.

Boys, where he belongs. This kid fulfilled his destiny.
Where do you want to be? Doctor. Dodgers.
Let's chat it. Dodgers.
Dodgers.

The Dodgers went to the World Series that year and lost. So he was out again.
Oh, my God. You get to the World Series.
And in 1921, the Yankees hired him.

Good time to point out that three teams were all looking for someone with a hunched back. And like, he's like running, like, he's...

It's like, it's like pilot season. Like, everyone's like, we want to put him on a a show.
We just got to find the right vehicle. But here's the thing.

He would go on to be with the Yankees for 12 years and is maybe the most popular bat boy in the history of baseball.

He took the job very seriously, keeping the bats in order, never speaking of inside clubhouse business.

You don't tell anyone what you saw in here. Do you understand?

Yes. But I saw you making out with Mick.
Yeah. And you'd be quiet about it.
Okay, but that's a weird thing.

I really want to tell people, you know,

I won't say a thing. I won't say anything.
You be quiet about this. I won't say what you've seen in here, okay?

We are a terribly racist, sexist, assaulting team.

But you're one of us, so you'd be quiet. Okay, friend.
Now, the only way for you, for us to know that we have your secrecy, uh-huh,

you're gonna fuck this woman in front of the team. Jesus Christ.
Do you understand me? Yes. Okay.

Woo.

We're going to throw jelly at you.

He was often seen crying after they lost.

The players loved him. I think the, like, it,

you know, elevating, like, you're, it is true. This is a truly charmed, great experience for anyone.

I mean, if, you know, if I was a kid and they were like, hey, the team's going to bring it, like, that is great.

It is. And if it's this version where it's kind of like there is dignity involved in it then there is because then it's like okay

he he like we said he was smart and like but he became he became the equipment manager right and the teams do love purpose the teams do love their equipment manager so he he was brought in as a like a ridicule joke thing but then yeah gained respect and popularity because he was able to do a good job at equipment manager.

Right.

There you go.

And that is like, yeah, I mean, that's that. If you, if you surround society then with,

you know, actual care for everyone, then this is great. Yeah.
Yeah.

But if you make it that it's like, boy, if you have, uh, if you have some sort of medical issue and you're, you don't have a home because society doesn't give a fuck about anyone and some of these people just win the scratch off lottery, well, then it becomes weird.

Well, also, but like, you know, as a society, just discard people who have disabilities. If they don't give you luck.
But a guy gets a chance that he can do the fucking job.

If their hump's not lucky enough. Right?

He does a job. Totally.
Yeah. Okay.
So players love him.

Some players won't let anybody else touch their bat ever. I mean, that's obviously strange.
Babe Ruth had Eddie deliver an admiring note to his future wife, pitcher Urban Shocker, roomed with Eddie.

Sorry, I puked on you. Will you marry me, Babe Ruth?

Roomed with Eddie on road trips when he was trying to keep his health condition from his teammates.

He was the rare mascot with a physical condition who gained the respect of the players, and he went to many World Series with the team.

But in 1932, he was hit by a cab and seriously injured. Oh, now we're back to the thing about disabilities because America,

better now, but back then, not at all safe for people with disabilities.

The recovery time was lengthy, and he gave up his job. And then he started drinking, was very depressed, and he died in 1935.

Now, the Yankees were on a road trip, so they couldn't come to the burial, but the team paid for his burial,

and all the entire front office attended his funeral.

So the time was a grim one. Using people with physical and mental issues as mascots would not obviously be done today.

Oh, wait.

In 2004, Nelson De La Rosa of the Dominican Republic met Red Sox superstar pitcher Pedro Martinez. Oh, my God.

Oh, I forgot about this. Nelson was 54 centimeters tall, maybe the smallest man in the world.
He had done some acting at this point, and the two men started hanging out.

And soon he was in the Red Sox clubhouse.

And the rest of the team loved him, and he became Gareth. He became Gareth? The Red Sox Good Luck Charm.

Now, wait a minute. Stayed with them

all the way through

a World Series victory when the Red Sox broke their 86-year World Series Championship drought.

And then after the season,

Pedro left the team for the Mets.

And Nelson... was pissed and he was heartbroken and he couldn't get over the fact that Pedro would leave the team.

And Pedro told press having Nelson around was a quote, was quote, just a trick.

And then they stopped talking, and Nelson died two years later of heart failure at 38 years old. Oh, my God.
This is just the craziest shit. 2004.

It is 2004 that they did the, I mean, besides having him as a bat boy, they didn't do that, but they had him there in the clubhouse all the time.

Tiny.

He's been in movies like The Island of Dr. Moreau and stuff.
Like he's like a

really small dude.

But yeah, it was. And the thing is, I love Pedro Martinez.
Like, I think he's one of those, he's one of the greatest pitchers ever, but also like a crazy character and a fun character.

And then you hear this and you're just like, fuck. I got a Pedro Martinez story for you.
Okay. When I used to valet park cars in Boston, when...

before the 2004 World Series, like years before,

he pulled up once in a Porsche. This is cell phones were just popping.
He had a cell phone that he was talking on, and he was trying to give me like 50 bucks to keep his car up front.

It was like me and another dude, and he had a little bag, like a

man purse, kind of,

full of other cell phones. And he was like digging through like three or four cell phones to find the money.

I didn't say a word, but he gave us like $50 and went in. And we were like, what? He already had burners for girls.
It was crazy. He's had burners for all of his.

It was crazy. Yeah, that's what that is.
That's got to be that. I don't know.
We were both like, what just happened? So funny.

Yeah, so that was a bummer to read.

Sources

19.

Oh, sorry.

The cultureclash.com.

Today I foundout.com. Detroit Free Press.

SAVR.org.

That is article, Little Rastus Cobb's Good Luck Charm.

Wikipedia, the FDR Foundation.org, John the Orangeman Revealed, Human Mascots, Exploring the Extreme Side of Baseball Superstition by Jeff Sullivan at SB Nation, The Dark History of Sports Mascots by Jonathan Brannon on Medium.com, and The Disturbing History of Baseball Mascots by Frank Fitzpatrick in the Philadelphia Inquirer.

Well, that really, like, I,

again, I mean, even today, like, there's a ton of shit that's still exploitated. Well, yeah, I mean, look,

there isn't a huge step from the, I mean, look, they're not actually having a Native American run around. It's a fucking guy in the costume mask.

But watching, like, the, the fucking, the Florida State still do their fucking chants, their little

and the braves doing the fucking chop. You know, just fuck off with that shit.
Well, Kid Rock traveled around with a fucking,

a very sick Josie, I think was, but I mean, again, it's like,

I don't know.

I don't know. I think what what the f I don't know.
I mean, I do think like, as long as you're going, like,

there is a

healthy enjoyment factor that is consented to in a way that

feels on the up and up, then I guess whatever, you know? But if you are

if you are, it's again, I mean, it's punching down versus just sort of

having

elevating someone's life experience, I guess. But

it's, it's a very, I mean, in the like, like a hard, it's even hard to discuss and try to try to sort of mince through. It is.

In the late 90s, I went to Lancaster, Pennsylvania to do.

uh stand-up gig and that was where i found out that young um

amish the dudes would go park their trucks and young teenagers would come out to fuck them. What? Yeah, yeah.

Because they're sober pressed, they're just like, whatever.

But there was in town, there was

a little person, and

he was working as, he was in a coffee pot outfit outside of a coffee cafe.

And he would just stand there to try to get people to go in. I was just like, dude, I got it.
I was just like, what, what are you guys fucking doing? Same time.

And someone said, well, he tried to get other jobs and they couldn't get one. And I was just like, oh, my God.

Same time in Milwaukee, there was a restaurant, a Mexican restaurant opened up called Nacho Mama.

And I mean, dude, I remember

when I first fucking heard about it, they were like, there's a little person who wears a sombrero with chips and salsa. Oh, my God.

And walks around from table to table, and you can eat chips and salsa out of the brim and the top of the hat.

And then, and I mean, I was in high school,

and it was like, and then you were like,

oh yeah, they, like, he's not there anymore. Like, it became too uncomfortable.
But no, no, no, not even that. It was like, he was getting, he became problematic.

Yeah, because he was probably drinking to fucking. It was probably, I mean, totally.
There was

probably,

I mean,

what do you expect?

Of course, he's going to become problematic.

We got to let you go. Look, and we're not, we're not, it's not like we're fucking kicking ass with the, as far as the people with disabilities.

I mean, no, my God, don't read about like what fucking Canada and like England were.

And I, and I don't know about America because I don't know if we can keep records on this shit, but the number of people that just had like downs or some sort of disability that they were just like, great, let them die because of COVID instead of trying to fix them.

Yeah. You know,

trying to heal them, give them whatever they could.

They just let them fucking die. It's called a comorbid.

And you're allowed to have it.

Well, as long as everyone feels not good anymore.

You're welcome. There you go.

That's the show. This is the show.
I will say this is a perfect encapsulation of what the show is. I started out.
I'm going to do a baseball episode. And then I just saw this.

And then I was halfway through. I was like, well, this is.

A fun baseball episode. Yeah, you were probably like, well, I've put 10 hours of work into this already, so we're going to do it.
That's kind of what it was. Shit.
Oopsie. All right.
There you go.

Thanks, everybody. Oh, and by the way, happy Thanksgiving.

What could be better than seeing Gareth Reynolds do stand-up? Go to GarethReynolds.com for tickets and information. I will be in Omaha on November 28th and 29th.

I will be in Vancouver, British Columbia on December 2nd, Seattle, Washington, December 3rd, Eugene, Oregon, December 4th. Then I will also be in Kansas City, Missouri doing a makeup show.

Come on, everybody. Shake off the new year, January 2nd, January 3rd.
And just announced, I will be back in Portland, Oregon at Helium Comedy Club on February 6th and February 7th.

That's going to be a five-show weekend over two nights. So go to GarethReynolds.com for tickets and information.
Join me.

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