153- The Past Times with Marc Maron

Welcome to the pastimes. It's a podcast.
You know me, I'm the funny guy. Each week we go through a newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony.

I, Gareth Reynolds, have never seen it, and neither has this week's guest, the great Mark Marin. Mark.
Thank you. Thank you.
Here we go.

Is it happening? It's Showtime. It's a pleasure to be here with the clown and crank.

You're the other crank.

What a great title for this alt title. The clown in two cranks at this point.
Alt title for everything we do.

A clown in two cranks. That's the structure of every morning radio show.

Wow.

The clown and the crank

is very good, honestly.

Are you more excited to do podcasts now, Mark, since you stopped doing yours, or is it still just you'd rather not be doing it?

It is

something that I couldn't want to do less.

And

I find myself, well, I mean, look,

it's odd to not have a podcast, but it's surprisingly relaxing. Yeah.
Oh, I can't imagine.

Yeah, and

I don't mind showing up on other people's podcasts. I did a round of them for a while and started a massive amount of shit everywhere.
Oh, man. I got all the way up to King Rogan, who decided to

criticize me for talking shit about comics and then talk shit about me for an hour. It was really something.

Don't think that we haven't been gleefully watching the way you went out with a flamethrower. It was awesome.
Yeah. Going down shooting, I guess.
Yeah,

but then once you were done, then he started firing shots when you no longer had a cannon. It's very funny when, yeah, it's very funny when they all start talking shit after you've signed off.

The day after.

The day after was the day where he's like, you know what? I'm actually going to be honest about Mark. Ah, very brave.

But no, you were, I mean, you were cooking. And a lot of, I mean, some of like where he started teeing off a little bit was where your special panicked.

You'd have the bit about Theo, which was just hilarious, and then that of a funny bit.

Yeah, great bit.

The whole special is great. Everyone should go watch this.
But what happened to Busting Balls? It's like what comics have always done. You bust someone's balls.

But the funny thing is that Joe, in the middle of his, you know, strangely,

the funny thing about that was that he did research. You know, It was not off the cuff.
He took some time

to go through the history of me.

And look, and some of it, like, oh, he said I was

sad. He said I was, I think, selfish.
He said I was

jealous. You know, these are real surprises to a lot of my fans.
Yeah, it's tough to hear.

But, but, you know, the only thing that upset me is like some of the research was off,

which is indicative of people who do their own research in general. But like, I got, I got upset with some of the facts because

they were not real. Everything he said, that's fine, but a couple of the facts were off.
I mean, that's pretty much Rogan's show at this point.

I mean, one of the things he brought up was like talking about vaccines, like the store and shit. It was just all nonsense.
I did look it up.

Mark has one of the lowest ivermectin rates of audience members of a Tori comedian? I mean, that is true. I don't know if you want to respond to that, but

well,

I don't think I was doing it right. I just, you're just supposed to put it in cereal or something.
I don't know if I was doing it right. Are you eating ivermectin now?

Is that what you're starting off with? Is this kind of a reduced snack? There's no reason why. I don't know.
It's like statin. You know, you just, yeah, everyone's on it, and everyone.

You don't need an intestinal lining. It's totally.
No, usually I just do like I shake up, like I just did my protein drink with the protein powder, creatine, and ivermectin. Great.
Yeah, yeah.

And then you talk about how there's no moon landing. Yeah, I get it.
There is no moon landing. I don't know.
There wasn't a moon landing. I mean, didn't you see Capricorn One? That's a factual movie.

A lot of movies that we think are just written are actually documentaries.

Yeah. But no, I honestly, Mark, like the way that the...
The level of honesty that you were just throwing out there was so refreshing.

And I think so many people were like, oh my God, you just kind of,

yeah, I think the whole, this all did need a calling out. And I don't know.
I just loved watching it. And I think a lot of other people did too.

But my basic problem is like, look, whatever my problems are with, you know, certain comics in terms of what they do, like, I still believe, you know, you can do whatever you want.

But there was this idea that there was this large tribe, the great monoculture of free thinkers, were

deciding what comedy was or what good comedy is. And because there's so much

noise coming from them, it was just starting to be annoying because it's completely subjective and their groupthink on it was

at

best boring.

Yeah.

I agree. I also think There's a huge difference between where you want to punch and punching up, let's go.

But I think to what you were saying, it's sort of like this level of sort of punching down and fighting for the R word and all this other stuff has just become so fucking stupid.

So anyway, the thing is, you went out

when the person, when the person you're bullying is crying and saying, okay, okay,

that's usually when you stop.

That's right. If you're a professional bully.

Yeah.

But if that's all you have in your quiver, then that's all you have in your quiver. They don't have any other.
Yeah. Like, what are they going to do? Some interesting, thought-provoking comedy?

Well, not enough comedians are using Quiver. The edge comedy.
I think right off the bat,

you know. Quivers are.

Yeah, not enough quiver.

There's an app called Quiver that most people are using. Yeah.

No, I think Dave's been brave with the quiver stuff lately. Yeah, a lot of quiver stuff.
Well, anyway, Mark, thank you for being here. And we're going to go through an old newspaper.

I know it doesn't sound exciting. That's because it isn't.
But

how old?

Well, that's what we're going to guess right now, Mark. You get to start with the guess of what year you think.
You could guess blindly as to what year you think this paper could be from.

It's probably not going to be from the 1600s, it'll probably be 1800s or 1900s.

Right, that's what I'm thinking. Random guess, random guess.

1907.

Oh,

I'll guess August 10th, 1930.

You're wrong, it's August 10th, 1930.

Did someone tell you what it was? Yeah. You looked at it.
No. Preston sent it to me.
See, Mark, Dave's been screwing me over in the guessing game for a long time. So I got to laugh.

Last episode. I won, but because you were mad because the guy was a Dodgers fan.

This is the crank. Are you? Mark.
You don't like the Dodgers? I should know this. Oh, Mark, Mark, don't do this.
Mark. That's not even.
Mark. Mark, he'll be.

I don't even know what they just won, so I'm the wrong guy being a game. It doesn't matter.
They won the World Series. It doesn't matter.
The owner is funding. That's the big one.

The

owner is funding the camps that they're sending the immigrants to. So I'm not a big fan.
Really? I told you.

Is he then training them for baseball? Yeah, they're training camps.

It's a lot of cone drills.

You take the money that you make off of immigrants working for a dollar a day in a camp, and then you can use that money to buy players to play baseball. I can't cloud.

Or maybe they're looking for pitchers, you know

see the crank is here it's true it's possible uh yeah all right august 10th 1930 the albuquerque journal it's where i grew up that's right whoa that's probably why this happened yeah

you just

i've been to albuquerque it's you know but did you like did you plan this because you knew marks from albuquerque let's pull from where he grew up that's what happened yeah yeah no it is a researcher did that yeah no our researcher yeah it is true okay i mean it's the minimal catering we do.

Okay.

He falls into bad luck two times a day. His bond of $130 for drunken driving is forfeited.
Then he falls on the courtroom floor. Hmm.
It's a good headline.

When did driving drunk become illegal? I mean, 90s. Can I hear that headline again? Yeah.
He falls into bad luck two times a day. His bond of $130 for drunken driving is forfeited.

Then he falls on the courtroom floor.

Wow.

Is this his bottom? It might not be his bottom at all.

No, he'll drive

and he's right back at it. That guy.
Yeah, I mean, they're just falling down in court. That's not, that's, that's not a crime.
That's not a crime. That's not a bottom.
That's not a crime.

There was nowhere to send them at that time. I think AA was pretty new, so they just sort of waited it out and then gave him his keys back.

Well, this is before we had Dodger camps, where we could send the problematic citizens, right, Dave? Yeah. That's right.

I'm surprised driving drunk is illegal at this point. That's what I mean.

I feel like it took us a while to be like, wait a minute.

These guys are crashing a lot.

Like, it didn't, not until the mid-80s were people like, we shouldn't be doing this this much. What a run.

The effort of V. Van Gleason

from 1027 North 6th Street to do the right thing got him deeper in trouble in police court Monday afternoon.

Arraigned on a charge of drunken driving Monday morning, Van Gleeson posted a $130 bond for appearance at the afternoon session, but failed to answer when his name was called at the time.

The bond was unforfeited.

He was sleeping. He was out.

That's my name.

That's crazy. These guys are talking about me.

That's a rough word. Where's my shoes? Yeah.

Where the hell?

As the courtroom cleared, at the close of the session, Van Gleason was seen solemnly sitting at the end of the bench. Oh, he's just like,

he just didn't know where he was. He's like, this is a weird church.

He had remembered he was supposed to be there for some reason or another.

To know you're supposed to go. This is like a nightmare.

Oh, God. Now I know why I'm here.

Imagine

that probably maybe one of those guys who's so drunk that you like black out, but you come to and you're still just like, you're somewhere.

How did I get here?

Yeah, no idea.

Yeah. Someone's just referencing something hard.
I was napping.

I remember napping while the car was moving.

And now I wake up here.

Drunk again, declared Chief Pat O'Grady after one look. Let's see you stand up.
Oh, that's rough. Well, the ultimate tests.

But it's interesting. Back in the day, they did the sobriety test at the courthouse.
It was not

at the

traffic stop. Yeah, they just.

That would be great.

Oh,

that would get me back. I would be going.
I always think that whenever you watch those court shows, like the people who are just hanging out watching, that would get me in there. Oh, my God.

Just chilling.

The accused started to obey, but made a slight mistake of starting backward instead of upward. I don't think that's possible.
It is. So

you push with your feet,

but you go, oh, and you go backwards. That's called fall.
He fell over. He's falling backwards.
Yeah, he fell. Wow.
So they actually said falling backwards was starting, standing backwards? Yeah.

Quite juicy.

I guess he had a word count, that guy. Yeah.

That's a perfect excuse. You fell over.
I started falling backwards.

I started standing backwards. I started standing backwards.
The long bench tipped tipped back, and as

the struggles, Van Gleason overbalanced it, one end went down and the other up. Like a seesaw.
Yeah. Yeah.

He was deposited. He was drunk on the other side.

Yeah, that's right.

We flank him on the bench.

He was deposited on the floor in front of

the magistrate who had been halted on his way out by the strange proceedings.

There's another charge against this man now, said the magistrate. Van Gleason was booked for drunkenness

and taken to a downstairs cell to regain his composure for another appearance attempt Tuesday. That's tough.
So they summered him up free after tomorrow.

Yeah, it is tough to be arrested in court while waiting to deal with your last arrest. But that's a pretty fair way to go to court.
Yeah.

All while still being drunk. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. But wait.
This guy was so hammered, they got him into the squad car and to the courthouse, and he was still fucked up. He fucks up the bench.

They let him dry out, and then they're going to bring him back in

for another charge of property damage because of the damage. I don't think you could be arrested twice in one day.
I don't think that that should not be legal. That feels like double jeopardy to me.

But Dave, your dad used to show up to court drunk, right? My dad would show up to court drunk, yeah. So he had the, he went, uh, he had, he liked to drink uh lunches, and he,

I should say he's a lawyer.

And dead. And dead.
And he

went to court after having one of his lunches and was so hammered the judge was like, you know what, we're going to continue this till tomorrow because your attorney is just shit-faced.

Really tracks.

You got that right. Let's do it now.

We're here to party.

You imagine your public defender is hammered. you're like what the fuck No

I had a low bar, but what can I appeal now?

It was probably just like so you want to go get a pop yeah, yeah, let's just finish this day, dude

What kind of warrior was your dad? Drunk as a defender. He started out.
He was at first a deputy district attorney and then he switched to defense.

He was just like an ambulance chasing guy at the end.

oh really yeah

yeah he was bad he's a bad lawyer he had so many he had all complaints against him and like it was yeah it was if you went and looked and when did the problems with you two start yeah that's a good question uh when i was on marin oh wow

no wow how dare you ended the problems between us started when i was when i was uh 20.

yeah yeah but didn't he write you a letter to realize didn't he write write you a letter about Marin or something? Or am I crazy?

He wanted, I went on Mark's show, and a lot of it was about my dad, and then he contacted Mark because he wanted to do a rebuttal. Oh, my God, Mark.

One more episode.

Well, I said that would be fine if he could sober up for the appearance, and it's just I never heard back from him.

That was the last I heard from him. It was too much to ask.
Yeah. Well, he's in the ground now, but he's getting drier.
He's finally drying out.

No, that was, I think, the day we refer to the day Dave was happy. That day the happiness started.

I texted Dave that day, and I go, I'm really sorry, man. And he goes, you killed him.

He just died. No bits for a day, dude.
No.

He did the same thing with Sickler. I think he reached out to Sickler after I did Sickler's podcast and did the same.
Like, there's a lot of lies in there. I would like to correct the record.
Really?

Yeah. Yeah.
Did Sickor tell him to file a brief?

My dad, my dad, after he read the book, after he read the attempting normal book, his whole side of the family got so mad at me. And I honestly gave no shits about it.

And my dad was furious about how, you know, about stuff I said about him in the book. And I said, what do you want? Money?

And he goes, yeah.

How much?

I said, how much money do you want? And my dad goes, $100,000.

I said, I'll send you five.

Do you take it?

Yeah, I sent it to him and they said, we're not going to cash it, but they cashed it.

I'm okay with my dad now because it turns out

there's a cure for bipolar and it's a dementia.

Oh shit, yeah. You've got some great stories about your dad.
Yeah, I saw your picture.

You reveled them right out. Just a sweet little sponge of a man now.

That's amazing. That is so funny.
Wow. He's still got fire in his belly, but it only lasts about 40 seconds at a time.
That doesn't make sense. And then he turns and goes, who are you?

Yeah, yeah.

He's not at the who are you yet. It's kind of amazing because it's been a while, but he still knows who I am.
Wow.

Is he mad at you?

No, he's not mad at me.

He's very in awe and very proud and loves me well. Well, now you can tell him you sent him the hundred grand.
Yeah. What'd you do with that hundred grand? I thought it would go for.

Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot about that.

No, they do start to say very interesting things because their brain's a little mushy and there's no filter.

So out of nowhere, like the other day, he said uh you know all all white immigrants smell bad and i didn't even know what to do with that

it was such a new twist on what do you what do you say you agree or you like

peculiar uh peculiar take on racism it might be time for stand-up that's a pretty good opener that line's like

it was great he goes you know he goes uh life is tough and if you make too much out of it it's tougher

then he says uh

he says there's there's things you really need to forget and i'm like all right oh my god what else might i got for you yeah that's that's perfect

this is very clean

deep thoughts yes no they're very he said one time he says uh he says out of nowhere he goes you got to take the consequences or make your own i'm like holy shit so is he

kind of just becoming like like a fortune cookie almost like you're just like that's actually pretty good it's like a thought for them in the calendar at this point yeah oh yeah exactly i just say i gotta go out there and keep them going with them

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Okay, Till's wife tongue slipped.

Okay, tell's wife tongue slipped. Okay, till.
Okay, till. Okay.
So his wife said something.

Yeah. They don't want to use his first name because okay sounds better.
Okay.

An East St. Louis man who was about to lose his furniture because of non-payment outsmarted collectors.
That's a turn of phrase back then. He's about to lose his furniture.
Right? Yeah.

He's furious.

Because of non-payment, outsmarted collectors until his wife's tongue slipped

it's just like a woman this is exactly what my wife would do yeah the couch is in the garage right

no

jesus christ

the chairs are in the yard and back what is not doing

you

idiot The man, after learning that his furniture was to be taken, applied for a smallpox placard saying his children were ill.

Oh my gosh.

It's like a fake vax card, but for smallpox.

Yeah, you would just put a little card out front that said, you know,

sneezing and smallpox in the house. Yeah, and then people wouldn't go in.
Would you ever shout it into a microphone before a show? Yeah, yeah. Smallpox in the house.

There's smallpox all over the bed, the rug,

these couches. These bathroom room table.
Oh, you guys take them. They're real poxy, though.
Yeah. These kids have been rolling around in them.
Suit yourselves. Good luck.

They don't have smallpox. Grace!

Oh, so you had to, you actually had to apply for it. Like, you couldn't just put one up.
The application was granted, and the placard was in turn posted in front of the house. Okay.
Yeah. So he got

the slowest repo company I've ever heard of. So you're at the door, and the guy's like, hold on, I'm applying for a smallpox placard.
Could you come when the pony delivers it?

Sure.

Yeah, we can do that.

collectors failed to go in finally however the man's children were found playing in the street and the wife was asked for an explanation ah the children aren't sick we just placed the sign in front to frighten off collectors oh my god the whole plan

she's not good at the plan

she's not good well at least she was being honest and that's not nothing

well it's not great right now i mean that's not going to give you a chair yeah the kids the kids got nothing to sit on yeah i mean i love honesty but good lord. Yeah.

We don't have a table to eat off of. You ought to take that one.

That was a good story.

Yeah, it doesn't feel good. It just shows America's always had like good instincts.
That's right. And Americans.

Tree sitting record comes to city today.

Charles Walker at 1 p.m. will reach 431-hour mark.
What?

Crown now held by a Texas lad. To sit in a tree.
431 hours. Hours.
It's over four days. in a tree.
I'm pretty good at math. I'm terrible at math.

It is over four days. It's definitely over four days.

If that would have happened today,

it would have been

heralded as David Blaine's most amazing feat. Yeah.

Or a protest.

Tree sitter. Yeah.
But at 40, at a year? That's a year. That's over a year.
He's in the tree, or is it hours? No, 431 hours is

like, it's like what. But this was...
So there was a period where adults sat in,

did pole sitting, and then kids started doing it.

It's a hell of a time. Yeah, there was

a it's a it's it's close, it's almost 18 days, which is a long time for a kid to be in a tree.

Yeah, but like it's not even like, you know, the first few days, it's like, wow, but by a week, people are like, oh, fuck, he's still up there. It's ridiculous.
Yeah. No, it is.
It becomes a problem.

It does become a problem. Yeah.
Yeah.

What are we going to do?

Albuquerque Albuquerque Boy Tree Sitters.

It's not. Albuquerque Boy Tree Sitters with the added inspiration of a bicycle as a prize for the winning local.

Okay.

So some business was like, okay, we'll give a kid a free bike for whoever can stay up the pole the longest. And so all these kids are trying to win the bike by sitting up.
So it's a company.

behind it. And everyone's like, yeah.
Makes sense. What a way to spend the summer.
Yeah. But But back then you were like, whoa.

Yeah.

School's out. I'm heading up into the tree.

And if your parents, I mean, that is a dream for parents. Like, it's better than camp.
You're like, we can go check on him. Although you're worried your kid's going to fall out of the tree.

You just toss a sandwich up there every couple days. Throw the sandwich up, yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah, well, the kid who won fell out of the tree and he couldn't use the bike. So it was a sad story.
Where's the follow-up story?

Well, it's a little depressing. They continued tree sitting Sunday without any break in the monotony.

Charles Walker, 14, will reach 431 hours and a New Worlds record if he is still atop his perch at 421 Luna Boulevard at 1 o'clock Monday.

Three others up. The record of 430 hours is held by Doral Gaither of El Paso.
At least that is the longest record now known of. known of.

Gaither was reported to have descended at the end of 402 hours.

Wait, at the request of El Paso health officers. Oh, wow.

So they did a health check. But it took more than 18 hours to dislodge him from his perch, so he wouldn't come down.
So they dislodged him. I wonder how they did that.

I mean, they probably just grabbed him. Or threw water at him or

put a hose on him. Sure.
Hose him out of the tree. Three other local tree sitters, Louis Mira, Adam.
Carraga, and Henry Gallegos, were reported to still be resting in their arbor abodes late Sunday.

So this kid's all over the fucking town up in trees. I don't hate it.
I also like the term arbor abode. Sure.
Way better. And also, at least you know where your kid is.
Yeah.

You can just go check on him. I mean, that would be ideal.
That, like, I've never wanted to be a parent, but I could pull off a tree kit. You're worried your kid's going to fall out of the tree.

No, I'm not. Crack his head up.
Nah, I'm like, let me see you going over there. Yeah.

Throw up a bag of chili every few days.

Cross him a Gatorade.

Their would-be emulator, the adult flag pole sitter, Duke Neal, has yet failed to take his seat atop the pole he had especially erected for himself in front of the Heights Dance Hall on Central Avenue.

So this guy put up a pole and everyone's waiting for him to go up and he's just not going up. Probably because the other kids are getting the attention right now.

So why would you do it while they're going to be up? Yeah, it's different when you're a man.

You don't want to be the second guy up the tree after the other guy's been up there a long time. No.
no. No.
Well, yeah, like someone killed before you, and you're like, ugh. No.

Oh, my God.

Oh, wait. Neil twice attempted to scale the 80-foot pole Saturday evening and erect his seat at the top, but failed in both attempts.
Oh, so he can't even get up there. He can't get.

He announced that he would climb up Monday evening and take his position. 80-foot's a pretty tall pole to shimmy up.
What the fuck? How old are these kids? I mean, what do you think?

No, this is an adult now. Now we're talking about the adult who's going to go.

I wish it was nothing from these other story. Well,

you're not allowed to do that. There were laws.
That should be the fad. Drunk guys going.
Drunk bowl sitting? Fuck yeah. Jeez.

A lot of guts on the street.

Neil had two close calls near the top of his poll Saturday. Once he was compelled to drop a bucket of paint he was applying to the pole in order to keep him from falling.

What? Yeah, he's painting it. To stop from falling? No,

he had to drop the bugger or else he was going to fall. Oh, but I guess the idea of why would you paint it?

Is that part of the thing? I mean, is that the incentive to get up the pole? Is it like, you know, you got to paint the pole all the way to the top and sit there? Make it your own. You do.

The paint's kind of a non-sequitur. They just threw that in.
It's a bit strange. Yeah.
Or maybe it wasn't a paint bucket. Maybe it was a shit bugger.
And they just didn't say that. It's paint.

Don't worry. It's just brown paint.

That adds a whole other dimension to it. Where are these guys taking a dump? They're just sort of,

everybody, look away. Look away.
Promise. Cover your eyes.
They did. They crapped in buckets and hoisted it down and they peed in a tube that went all the way down to the bottom.
Oh, my God. But they,

just.

And there were just people rallying around this. Like, just, you know, people loved it.
Watching. Because it's 1930.
There's nothing to do. So there's all kinds of polls and you're like, come on,

we're going to the poll guy. He's shitting.

There's a whole list of Depression era sporting events that aren't very honestly.

There was a guy that walked backwards across the U.S. and the whole towns came out when he came through.
And they're like, here he comes. That I get.

Literally, if they were like, there's a guy who's walking backwards, he's going to be in your town. I'd be like, I will go check it out.

Yeah. I mean, I'm sure he's just like,

it's a pretty small time investment. Yeah.
It's like, yeah,

there he goes

into the hills.

He's just in absolute agony.

I'm doing falling.

So whether. He walked across the country backwards.

I can't even believe that. Why did you do that? That'd be so crazy.
I walked forwards when I'm tired.

The other time a rope around himself and the pole broke, and he slid from the top of the pole to the base, but was uninjured. Bullshit.

The pole broke?

Oh, my God. So he's not good at it.
So, where's the lawsuit for that?

Yeah, right? Whoever let him put the pole up, like whoever the business.

The businesses have it. Businesses would hire people to sit in a pole in front of their business to attract customers.
It really is remarkable. It was a better time.
Now you got to have an Instagram.

Times are different, huh?

Okay, this is the Instagram of the pole sitting. Oh, my God.

I'm down to just start pole sitting again. So Preston put in a

Preston put in a follow-up the next day. Oh.
Charles Walker comes down off tree perch, says he got tired sitting after breaking records. He did a day? No, he did.
Oh, he did the full.

He's the one that did the four and a half. 19 to 31.
Okay. He did 432 and a half hours aloft.

Yeah. After 432 and a half hours aloft, or 18 days and one and a half hours, Charles Walker, 14, Albuquerque's first boy boy tree sitter, descended to Earth at 3.30 o'clock in Monday afternoon.

Descend. He didn't come from space.
He descended to Earth. Descend.
I mean, honestly.

Was it previously a woman's sport?

No.

No, it was men. But women started doing it, and everyone's like, what are we doing now? Well, I don't mind coming out.
Who's going to contract? I'm opposed to that. Yeah, it's disgusting.

I mean, they'll get hurt. Their wombs will explode.
You know how it works. Yeah, the higher up a woman goes into tree, the more her womb's in danger.
Biologically speaking.

Now, if she takes ivermectin, the lad climbed from his perch and astonished his mother by walking straight to the bathtub.

Oh, because she's like, she's like.

He never wants to take a bath, but he's like, Jesus Christ, that was a nightmare. I'm sick.
Disgusting. I have small dirty.
I mean, imagine how much you

got tired. Got tired of using the bucket.
My pants are fine. I just filled the bucket.

Just people looking up there and you're wiping your ass. Crazy.

Crazy. If there's like a crack in the stall at the airport, I'm like, this is hell.
Yeah.

It's like a day at the zoo and you're in the monkey cage.

You just got to sit. I would wait until, I mean, what are you just like, nobody's coming? Let's get that bucket.
Yeah. It's nighttime.
Time to shit. Are you always

perching at night on your butt? You just sit there and you shit.

And you wait to hear it hit the ground. You're like, there it goes.

Okay. Yes.
Then people just trying to walk by and they just see like a mound of crap and flies around your pole. He must have been up there a while.
That looks like a dinosaur shit.

What do those people do who spend like two years in a redwood tree to keep it from getting cut down?

Buddy. What do you? I mean, they're just.
Don't they build like nice tree houses or something?

They usually have some kind of no, and they have like little, they do have like little toilets they put in bags. They do? Yeah, I think so.
Yeah, they have like, it's like the illusion of a toilet.

Wow, or they'll just crop over the side. Yeah, I can make, I can get, yeah, I can get some of those first.

You want some for the table? Yeah, I can get some food, Greg.

You want some

lifeline to validate your perception or idea of what they shit in in the Redwood drink.

Uh, you know what? I think it's like my friend Jack.

If I heard Gareth explain it correctly, he says it's like a toilet in a bag. No, no, no, you guys, you guys, you know what? You guys

just bag.

Look at the two cranks connecting while the clown throws out some real shit, okay?

There's a bucket and you put a little thing. You ever seen the chairs you can crap in? Go ahead, Dave.

The chairs you can crap in? Yeah, they got a crap in the old person's home. You never go to a parade and shit? What?

It's one of my fetishes. Shitting in a parade? Well, being on the side and having a chair you can crap in.
Dave wrote, he went way out of his way to write in a shit bucket into Marin.

I mean, it was a whole episode. Yeah.
Well, it did, yeah. Yeah, there was a shit bucket with a toilet seat attached to the top.

That was

one of Dave's great contributions to the show. That's how he saved the show.

Well, no,

I've always wondered what Dave's process, what the process must have been like for you two. I'm sure it was Dave finished yelling and then you agreed to write it on the board.

Dave was the only guy who wasn't sleeping in the writer's room.

That's because his dad was a drunk lawyer.

That would be amazing if it wasn't true, but it's true. That's so funny that that.

How did Dave stick around so long? He was awake. Yeah.

He was awake. He was awake.

Hours waiting for somebody to say something. That was anything.
Just say something. Yeah.

I would love

to have seen some of that when Dave's the only one talking. There was one guy that would perk up and go, Dave's on the board.
Yeah.

So you had a guy who only had a catchphrase about an idea that wasn't his?

We were on a budget.

But the show was great, but it doesn't seem like it really had a fair shot.

Well, Dave's the only one away.

We had a bunch of guys in there, and somehow or another, we got a show out of it.

Great show.

But Dave was on top of it.

Well, he rode himself in a lot at the end, though. I mean, that's how you do it.

a little dave heavy towards the end in my opinion no i know i know it just it was like he was

there i mean i think in some conversations dave sort of claims it was kind of his show it lasted yeah well that season oh i think

brad pitt would probably say that because that was his favorite character i mean mark how true is that he you mean you know what i mean it feels like i'm talking to your dad that's true but

brad pitt liked dave the yeah brad pitt liked dave but i think the main reason was there was a scene where dave just farts and it goes unsaid yeah and he just sits there and farts and no one responds to it mark yeah the scene was mark mark is very vulnerable and says how much he cared about you know my friendship and stuff and my responses just i remember yeah he's just farted and i think that sent brad over the edge and uh

well dave

really helped him out he was in a dark place it really was dave it took him out of the dark place oh dave's his favorite he saved he saved brad pitt's mental life. No,

there was a time there, and he's doing better than ever. So a lot of people do claim that Dave's father.
Dave's fart was his positive 9-11.

Exactly.

Well,

he was my least favorite character, if that helps anything.

I do a course on that now, a mental health course. Maybe you just go back to the iPad about farting.

The best Dave's story is that he...

Is that Joe Kessler, the

DP, I gave everyone a shot to direct because I just didn't care. And I thought, well, why not?

No one's watching this. So everybody got to direct an episode.
And Kessler, the director of photography, he wanted to get everything possible into his episode.

There was a crane, there were close-ups, and it was like, it was crazy. And there was one scene where Dave was in a bedroom.

It was a shot where I think he was doing something with his wife, some sort of S ⁇ M thing.

And they were like in the bedroom, like in position, like on top of each other. And Kesor had moved on without Dave knowing it was cut.
And he was just like in that room, going, What are we doing?

You know,

do you remember that?

What is that? Just his name, Smart WhatsApp for

Amy Smart. Amy Smart.

My favorite moment from the whole show was when

your personal assistant who made bacon in his apartment

took a shit in your

your room.

Oh, is that in an episode? No, it was real. It was actually behind the scenes.

No,

we were shooting at a hotel at Mark at his own room and he went in there, took a shit in the market. Oh, yeah.
I'm like, what are you doing?

Mark lost his mind.

There's so many places there's shit. You know what? That is, when you become one on the call sheet, it really is just people being like, you get to shit comfortably.

It's like, you, you're going to, everyone, the idea of violating that space. Yes.

You get your, you get your own quarter trailer. Yeah.
You're, you're going to be, you're not going to have to sneak off to shit like an animal or like a guy in a tree.

The best shit story was Michael Lerner. That was, were you on for that one? Were you there for that?

Michael Lerner. You know, the guy who played the studio head in Barton Fink, you know, great character director from the 70s.
You know, he was cast as my step, as my mom's

boyfriend.

And he was just an animal.

Like, you know, first of all, you know, Sally Kellerman, playing my mother, should not have been shooting the season because she was way into dementia and barely knew shit where she was.

And Bobcat, having, he kept trying, having to feed her line per line. And he, I don't know how he pulled it off, but he shot around it.
It was very sad.

But that didn't deter Michael Lerner from trying to fuck with everyone's head and every scene so he could steal them. Like, Like, you know, like he would lean into me.

Like, Sally Kellerman is just sitting in there going, like, I don't think I like him. And,

you know, we would do a take and Lerner would go, like, is that the way you're going to do it?

No, I mean, I'm not saying anything, but okay, if you're going to do it that way to me. And I'm like, you fuck.
And then he would just ham it up.

But the best part about him was like, he wanted to take everything home. He was like, we were on a set in what was their condo.
He's like, can I take this plant? I'm like, what are you talking about?

Like, is it a prop i'm like no can i take the bathrobe no you can't take the bathrobe no i can't you know what what about these shoes no what are you doing yeah i can't take the shoes like

so

so in the condo he's got a trailer lerner has a trailer and in the condo we were shooting in it was so small that video village was in the bathroom of the condo.

And on lunch, Lerner went in there and took a massive shit.

And we all came back and you're like, what, what happened? They're like, I think Michael Lerner took a shit. He's got a trailer.
It's right out front. What kind of fucking monster?

Oh my God. I loved him, though.
I do like that guy. But I feel like he also couldn't shut the door.
So he was shitting with the door open, as I recall.

Well, Videoville, it's a precarious spot to decide you're going to lay waste.

He was a real character, man.

The scriptie was still in there from what I heard the whole time.

And he was telling him about how he should have won the Oscar for Barton Fink. That's what was going on.
He was shitting. And he said, don't go, don't go.
Just going, did you see Barton Fink?

You know, I was nominated for an Oscar for that. Hold on a second.
Hand me the toilet paper. They must have moved it.

Can we run through the scene we're ending the day with real quick?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't go, don't go.
I need somebody here. It won't come out.

Shitting in Video Village

is phenomenal. It's amazing.

It's amazing. And And just the sort of like, can I take this shirt? No.

I don't care.

You know what he did take, though? It's shit. He did take the shirt.
So he found something. He did take the shit.
He left it. Yeah, he left the shit behind.

Because we wouldn't let him take the plants in the apartment. Can I take this plant?

It's fucking unbelievable.

All right, back to the battle.

Rest in peace.

Rest in peace. Absolutely.
With Dave's dad. Well.

Charlie stated that he was sick of tree sitting as he stretched his legs in front of his home following the bath. Before he descended Monday, the lad

has stated that he felt sick and dizzy. He's probably not getting enough up there.
Well, that's a big step. It's just like learning how to walk again after a fucking

tree. It is.
It is reintroduction to ground society.

Your body doesn't like to sit in one position for a long time. No.
It's a long time. No, no, it's like an astronaut.
He was like an astronaut. They had to put him in a quarantine.
He's an atrophy.

His mother stated that she was glad Charlie had come down. She, too, has become sick of tree sitting.

Charlie readily recuperated once he was back on Earth again, and his mother reported him to be all right Monday evening.

In Robinson Park, Louis Mara, the next in line of the tree sitters, passed 401 hours at 1 a.m. Mira was given a rub down by dynamite Tommy Sanchez.
Well, now, hold a minute.

Dynamite's not supposed to be around people of that age. It could be serves.

Hey, what are you? Are you getting tight up there? Hey, kid, you need me to come down there and give you a little rubber? You got astronaut penis. Let me fix it.

There was no registry for sex offenders during the tree-sitting era. You're going to find out why they call me Dynamite in a second, kid.

Dynamite.

Is there a grown man up there? How are you? I don't think he's supposed to be up there. We're going to fix you real good.

Grown men don't need rub downs. There we go.
Don't worry. I got magic hands, all right? Yeah.

Sanchez is the Santa Fe Flyweight Prize Fighter. What? There's a boxer going up there to massage the kids?

It's not a good. It's a weird setup.

Monday afternoon, and he announced that he was prepared to stick it out for a long while. I'm going to live up here with the kids.
I won't be up here with the kids. We're sharing a bucket.

Me and the kid. I'm massaging all the kids up in trees.
There we go. I'm getting the kids back to

getting the kids back to normal.

You know, law doesn't apply this high up. So I believe I'm okay to date the children.

What parrot is like,

yeah, no, go up in that tree for four days. And also let that grown man rub you down.
20 days. Yeah, 20 days.
Well, when the grown man's Dynamite Sanchez, you know, Dynamite Sanchez.

Hey, my kid got a leg rubbed down from Dynamite Sanchez. Well, the cops can't arrest him up there.
No, it's out of their jurisdiction. yeah he signed a picture for us yeah

it was great molesting you dynamite

uh lewis's refueler okay so jesus christ so so yeah the guy so so there was the guy is assigned to give them food bring them food and water oh there is a guy assigned to it but like a city employee no it's just probably you know there's some weirdo who's like i made sandwiches for the boys yeah lewis's refueler arthel ruskowitz went to walker's tree monday afternoon to offer congratulations upon establishing a new record adam kerraga at eighth and taft is 16 hours behind mira and henry gallegos in old town are also still going strong boy this is very it isn't i wonder if he was in the the big tree in old town there was a famous historic tree down there They really?

It probably was. It probably was.
Is it a big tree? Very tall. There was a restaurant down there that had a tree growing in the middle of it.
I love those. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know if it was that tree. Old Town is very old.

Old Town is supposedly one of the first towns in America, like 1400 or so. Oh, really? Oh, wow.
That's crazy. Mexican town, yeah.

Oh,

Gareth can't understand. We don't talk about the before white times on this show, Mark.
We kind of

don't love them.

David, especially.

Another claimant for the world's record, Walker was believed to have established, raised his head Monday.

He is Jimmy Sugantis of South Bend, Indiana, who had passed 432 hours at noon Saturday and is believed to still be in the air.

Still be in the air is a weird way to put it. He's not in the air.
He's in the tree. This guy came from Indiana to the big tree sitting event in New Mexico? No, he's in.
So what's happening is

there's four kids in Albuquerque,

and they're the only ones. And now this kid in Indiana is trying to beat the Albuquerque kids.
Oh, wow. They got to get dynamite sanchas out there to Indiana.

You get a couple more friends up in those trees. I'll make a drive.

I'd love to go there and have a look at these kids' legs.

With three Albuquerque contestants still battling for the bicycle, Tom Morrow.

I forgot it's for a bike.

Tom Morrow is offered to the champion local sitter. It looks like tree sitting will take its place on the sport page besides football news this fall.
Jesus, that would be an awful thing.

Like, that's just insane. Yeah.
Just give them the bike.

At some point, they should all get a bike. It's been 400 hours.
Dynamite should be buying the kids a bike, honestly, for their silence. Kids have to be falling all the time, right?

Kids definitely fell. Yeah, where are those stories? Yeah, that's the story.
We're talking about those. Yeah, the ones that can't ride the bikes.
Yeah. Anymore, yeah.

He was a great boy until he tried that record.

He fell into the wrong, he fell in with the wrong crowd and he started tree sitting.

Do this.

What? Are you considering that? Can you imagine? Well, no, it's just like carrying an injury from childhood. Your entire life, you're walking with a limp, and your story is, well, yeah, but

I almost had the record for sitting on a pole.

40 hours away from a free bike. Yeah.
You believe that? You couldn't have kids. Couldn't you?

Your foot doesn't work, but

back in the day, though, that was something. You know, if I didn't have to lower that shit bucket, I probably would have made it.

I tell you, it was probably the greatest rubdown I ever got, though, from

Dynamite Sandwiches. They gave him the chair about 10 years after that.
Yeah, but I was in touch with him all the way through. Oh, yeah.
He's a great guy.

Great guy. Uncle Dynamite, I called him.
He's called him out.

Kevin Spacey's listening to this going, what a time. Oh, man.
Yeah, what a time. Trees.

Duelists can't hit each other but put shots in spectators. Okay.

That sounds bad. This is from Mexico City.
When a report spread in the suburb of

Tacubaya. Tacubaya? Beautiful.
Yeah, don't worry about it, Dave. Yeah, funny.
That's cute. That two young and prominent men were to fight a duel, a curious crowd assembled at the designated spot.

Hey, these guys are shooting wildly. Let's gather around.

Check it out.

This is going to be an interesting way to spend a day. Yeah.

The duelists arrived, emptied their pistols at each other, but the only two casualties were bystanders who were critically wounded. Well, don't stand behind them.
No, you get a great view.

I want to see

him. I want to be able to see down the barrel.
It looks like I'm in the duel. It's amazing.

The duelists, who the police said were Pedro Castro Jimenez, a lieutenant of the Presidential Guards, and Rodolfo Martinez-Torres were arrested.

So you can't, if you kill bystanders, dueling's illegal? No, you're mostly then dueling was illegal. It's 1930, so you're not allowed to do it.
But sometimes you just got to shoot at a guy.

Like, I get it.

Anybody gets it? But now they're just,

they're just murderers. And

they both live to tell the tale of how they shot innocent people. How long until dueling's back on the White House lawn? Oh, soon.

Someone will propose it soon. Yeah, it's exciting.
Well, no, they're just going to, yeah, it's not even going to be dueling. They're just going to shoot Democrats.

That's right. That's different.
I mean, look. New senator every day.
We can get the count right. Yeah, but now we don't have to release the upstead files.

I mean, people would watch it because it would be a Republican shooting at a Democrat who's just like talking them out of it. Hey, that's not how we do things.

Can I see some ID?

All right. Actress isn't drug addict, says officer.

No, I've heard that story before. Yeah, right.
Come on.

Federal narcotic inspector believes Mary Nolan, suspect, probably has been falsely accused.

V.H. Despain, federal narcotic inspector, said Thursday night he was satisfied after an examination that Mary Nolan, screen actress, is not a narcotic

addict and will return three search warrants for Ms. Nolan's various apartments to the U.S.
Commissioner with the

suggestion that the case be dropped.

So they paid off the studio paid off the cop. Fine.
Right? Get the movie made. Yeah, it sounds like it.

Is that from Albuquerque? No, this is a Los Angeles story. Yeah, that was.
Miss Nolan. Yeah.
Cover it.

Yeah, Ms. Nolan was in a hospital under treatment for a severe case of sunburn caused when she fell asleep asleep in a rowboat at Arrowhead Lake.
Now, were there any signs of drug abuse?

I haven't heard any yet.

Getting a third-degree burn in a rowboat passing out. Yeah.

I, a drug addict, she said. I never heard of such a thing.
Such a report is utterly without foundation. It is ridiculous.
It is too preposterous for words. I am stunned.

I can scarcely believe anyone could say such things about me.

And then she kept talking and talking and reading and talking. You know, it reminds me of a friend of mine once who actually did do drugs.
This guy was out of torch, dude.

The affidavits on which the search warrants were issued were made by Ms. Carolyn Clark and Ms.
Claire Anderson, nurses. One of the

affidavits said Ms. Nolan's arms were full of punctures from hypodermic needles.
Oh, well, that's just robot stuff. That's from an ore.
Yeah, that's just ore arm. That's called taking the boat out.

That's just ore arm. Yeah, it is called taking the boat out.

I'm going to go to the bathroom. I don't know.
Take the boat out. I don't know why that hasn't been used as drug code.
Hey, what are you doing tonight? I'm probably going to take the boat out.

And molesting is called climbing the tree. I'm going to go to the tree for a little while.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How about last one? Last one.

School of Dancing must stop false advertising claims. 100%.

I agree.

I agree.

the Arthur Murray School of Dancing of new

new work has been ordered by the Federal Trade Commission to stop advertising that it has taught

boy this is not all the not all the letters are there is that a problem that it has taught dancing to former presidents of the United States senators governors and members of European royal families wow it's amazing to be like presidents learn to dance here just like yeah

everybody next.

Yeah.

Deputy Prime Minister of Belgium said, I never went there.

They are the best.

The school has also been directed to cease advertising that it had been selected by the U.S. Naval Academy to instruct the Academy's dancing teachers when such is not the fuck.

They were like everybody.

Navy dance squad's awesome. That's amazing.
But, you know, if you can do it, do it. Without question.
Because they didn't get sued. They just got told to stop.
So

they were making up like the Navy has dancers. Like, they thought they really had it.

Better times. They had it.
A shoe. They nailed that one.
It's like, what are they going to say? It doesn't even exist.

The Army love that. They're like, ah,

told you.

Yeah, that's a Navy quiz.

Well,

Mark, thank you for joining us. We know you're a busy guy.
So thank you very much. Not as busy, but thank you very much.
No, you know, a little less busy.

People should go watch Panicked, which is, again, an unbelievable special. And check out Stick on Apple, which is,

when I did your podcast, you were talking about how

you basically were like, let me fly home all the time and I'll do it. And they called your bluff.
And so here you are. Yeah, they were like, no problem.
I'm like, ah.

But no, but this one,

this season, it's a miracle, dude, because I was nervous about it.

It was too late to shoot in canada and they were thinking about atlanta and i'm like i don't really like the actor's life i don't like to be away that long so i'm like fuck atlanta for four months i was gonna lose my mind but they got the they got the tax credit we're shooting here man oh that's great oh way better it's

great that's awesome it's the best it might even be fun i just come well if you need a guy to come on set and rub down or anything like that um dynamite's always around well they're probably auditioning people for things why don't you do you have representation gareth

I would love to.

Mark, let's talk offline, but I would really love to get my hat in the ring. I really, I've always wanted to touch Owen Wilson.
So just amazing.

Do you know how show business works? Do you have people that make calls for you or anything?

Mark, I'm 45. I'll do literally anything you ask me to at this point.
I just want to hold my insurance for as long as possible. So I'll eat ass.
You just tell me where to go, buddy.

I'll just follow those yellow signs for crew parking. Change your name to Dynamite.
100%.

Mark, I'm already on a website.

Thank you, Mark. Thanks, Mark.
Love you. Appreciate it.
All right, thanks. All right, thanks.

What could be better than seeing Gareth Reynolds do stand-up? Go to GarethReynolds.com for tickets and information. I will be in Omaha on November 28th and 29th.

I will be in Vancouver, British Columbia, on December 2nd, Seattle, Washington, December 3rd, Eugene, Oregon, December 4th. Then I will also be in Kansas City, Missouri, doing a makeup show.

Come on, everybody. Shake off the new year, January 2nd, January 3rd.
And just announced, I will be back in Portland, Oregon at Helium Comedy Club on February 6th and February 7th.

That's going to be a five-show weekend over two nights. So go to garethreynolds.com for tickets and information.
Join me.