Guardian S2E5 (March 28, 2006)

Hello, welcome to number five, season two of the Ricky Gervais Show, with me, Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant

and Carl Pilkington.

Coming up, Carl's going to teach us all about Sigmund Freud.

No, we're not doing that.

Well, no, we are, because last week we promised people that you'd research Sigmund Freud.

Yeah, but I had a look, but I didn't find him that interesting.

But that's not for me.

But this is what I mean.

This is what we were talking about.

You say you wish you could go back and learn stuff in school because you didn't.

You want knowledge.

You always say what you want to learn some day.

You want to learn something interesting every day.

Yeah, but you've got...

I gave him I had a look at the website.

It's just...

Oh, oh, SigmundFreud.com.

Yeah, he started that just.

It's not a look.

I just did a search on famous quotes from

quotes.

Brilliant.

That'll get you everything you need, a quote.

I don't need to know his history.

That sums up a man's life work, a quote.

No, but that's what you're remembered for, isn't it?

Churchill.

We'll go on the beaches and and all that.

Sigmund didn't really have any sort of catchphrases, is what you mean.

Yeah, that's yeah.

Things that you hear.

Sound boxes.

He wasn't good with the press.

Brilliant.

So you weren't bothered to learn about him.

We didn't pick up a book.

I wouldn't know where to start.

Do you feel like you're thinking in your head?

Sometimes, like then I was.

But I don't know if I am because it's got a mind of its own on it.

Did look at some of the things that he'd said, and the one.

Do it now.

Do it now.

What have you learnt about Freud?

Okay, here we go.

This is Carl Educates Ricky and Steve.

Number one, Sigmund Freud.

Carl, tell us what you learned about Sigmund Freud.

Right.

All I remember

was

that he said, a baby.

You look at a little baby having some milk from its mum's breast.

Right?

It looks well happy.

It has enough.

It's full up.

It goes to sleep, it's got a smile on its face.

He said

that's what happens when you're older as well.

That's all I remember from all the things that he was saying on his thing.

He just said it's weird how like

now to be fair, Rick, that is obviously in translation

in the original, so I don't want you

to

on some issues and we've moved on with experimental psychology and and

that's the one that was interesting.

I don't quite follow.

So, what do you take from that?

Explain that to us in layman's terms.

I don't know.

Well, that's pointless.

Without application, knowledge is pointless.

But it's not knowledge, is it?

He's just saying drink milk all your life.

It's good for you.

No, he's not saying drink milk all your life.

What is this?

Is this an advert he's doing?

He also came up with Go to Work on an Egg.

Yeah.

Oh, Christ Almighty.

But like I said, I wasn't that impressed by

his work.

Unbelievable.

Carl is allowed to vote.

He's allowed to cast a vote

in this country.

It doesn't make sense.

You know, I wish I hadn't.

I've only done it once, and look what happened.

I got called up for jury duty.

It's not doing it again.

People do what they do anyway.

I think they only let us vote.

So we feel like we're having a say in what's going on.

But really, it just carries on, doesn't it?

I haven't seen a big change.

But that's exactly why you vote.

No, the best thing you can do is look after yourself.

Get on with it.

Brilliant.

Okay, well I I hope that's a quote.

I hope someone out there who's uh you know maybe making a a dictionary of quotes or an encyclopedia and that they've finished with Freud, they've done Freud, they've done Pavlovi, hit a dog on the head with a stick.

Next, Carl Pilkington.

Carl Pilkington, what would what do you say about the world?

Just get on with it.

Well we're not in we're not in charge of it is what I'm saying.

That's nearly as good as let's go to the beach.

Winston Churchill.

I spoke to my dad about it, and he called up saying, Oh, I'm sick of it.

Oh, we're going to get some quality thinking here.

Go on.

Go on.

No, he was saying

about global warming and that.

He was saying he's sick of hearing about it.

Right.

Because at the end of the day, that's just the world and it.

We're all getting old.

And the world's getting old.

That's the end of it.

Brilliant.

What another amazing quote.

Well, it is.

What we're trying to do.

This is what I'm saying about we don't like people to get old.

We're always saying, oh, oh, we can change that face, we can lift your chin up, we can put a wig on you.

Why are you so annoyed about people wanting to live a little bit longer?

Because enough's enough, is what I'm saying.

The world's the same, it's just getting old, and you know, it used to have more green on it, but now it's got a bit bald.

So it hasn't got as much green, it's got more soil.

Treat the world like a head.

That's an amazing quote.

Treat the world

like a head.

You've actually come up with one there.

I thought of another phase you could just sitting here talking to you.

Flogging a dead horse.

Yeah.

What do you think that means?

Flogging a dead horse.

A number of people are still amazed by your complete lack of understanding some of these famous sayings and phrases.

So

that's an easy one.

Yeah, that's like,

you know,

get a new horse or.

No, he hasn't got it.

No one's going to buy it.

No, it doesn't mean that sort of flogging.

And you're hitting it.

Yeah.

Right.

So what's the point in hitting it?

It's dead anyway, so don't bother hitting it.

It's not really.

What's the point in this?

It just means it's a waste of time.

Yeah, but it depends what that horse has done to you.

No, it doesn't.

No, it does.

It's that thing, innit?

Of like if a bear attacked you and you managed to hit it on the head and it went down, you'd go and you'd be annoyed, you'd still have built-up aggression, you'd give it an extra clout.

Unbelievable.

That's extraordinary.

I don't know who's compiling this book.

Sometimes it's worth flogging a dead horse if he did something to if he annoyed you.

Carl, I've got a couple of little facts for you, just to try and inflame your imagination.

Go on.

Sharks are immune to cancer.

Are they?

Yep.

So what w

how have they found that out?

Well, I don't know.

But But I've I've never heard of any fish having cancer though.

I haven't heard of a a cod being ill.

So why are we focusing on that one?

Good point.

Okay.

Stroking a spider can cause its hair to fall out.

What?

Because it doesn't like it and it gets stressed out, or is it just that some people are rubbing too hard?

No, I don't think it's they're rubbing too hard.

I think it's something to do with

I mean, what sort of maniac is stroking a spider anyway?

My mum did it once.

Really?

Yeah, not to a spider.

No.

It was

just a little bee.

She'd been out

sunny day and that.

Got the washing off the washing line.

She was bringing it in.

Little bee sat on the top of like the bed sheet or whatever it was.

And

she's in the kitchen with it.

And she goes, Look at that.

Little bee there.

She's sort of

stroking its head.

And it loved it.

I did make it clear that he loved it.

Well, he wasn't struggling.

It was just sat there, like, because it must have been a bit dozy.

They get a bit dozy, don't they, in the heat and that.

And he just stayed there on the sheet, and she sort of strokes its head for a bit.

And she had to put it out.

It didn't go out.

He didn't try and escape.

It was like, you've had enough now.

And that was that.

She sent it out.

She loved all that.

She loved little flies and stuff.

And we had our really house fly.

What?

What?

Our riddy house fly.

What do you mean?

It's just a fly that I always seem to knock about in one corner of the room.

Right, it's the same fly, was it?

Yeah, it was the same fly.

How do you know it was the same fly?

So whenever she saw a fly, she went, oh, it's back.

Well, we weren't letting him in.

It's just that he stayed in.

Carl, what makes you think it was a pet house fly as opposed to a different fly every day?

Because it was always in the same place, in the corner.

But it could have been that something at that particular place that attracted flies rather than it was the same fly.

Well, I'm never worried about it.

It's not it wasn't army nose, it's just it just always hung about.

But how do you know it was the same fly?

How do you recognise it?

We weren't worried about it.

It does it doesn't matter, does it?

If if like we're thinking another fly is getting a bit of free rent or something.

Just let it let it stay.

I don't understand what all that.

Why no, well no, I d right, okay.

You're in a house, right?

There's flies, okay?

Not flies, fly.

What why do you think it was the same fly for all those years?

Just because we haven't got loads of other flies.

At no point was there a crossover period where there's two and it's like, hang on a minute, he's trying it on here.

That's what I mean.

It was always just one on its own.

When you just thought, leave it, it's all right.

I don't know why you why are you suspicious?

Why do you always think someone's out to do you?

No,

I don't know why you assumed when you see a fly every now and again that it's exactly the same fly.

You just thought that it's Harry.

The one in our house was the same one.

How do you know?

Well, alright, I don't, but at no point did I feel suspicious.

Speaking of flies, though, and that,

they've got one, right?

I was out with Ricky, right, and he was reading the paper.

There was a story there about a fly that its eyesight was bad or something, and they've made it a pair of glasses, and it had a picture of a house fly wearing.

Okay, this is this is incredible, Steve.

Can I take over that?

Hang on, let me just need to finish a couple of questions for that.

So he's got there's a small fly and they've made it a pair of glasses

so that it can see better.

And your concern is what?

Well again, it's just that thing of we're looking after everything now, aren't you?

Sorry, I've got to come in here, Steve.

I showed you the story.

It was a picture of a house fly with a pair of glasses on.

It was about a one-sentence thing.

It was about how far technology's come.

And a group of scientists using microscopy

and

laser tools had, as an exhibition, shown that they could make a pair of glasses somewhere to put it on a house.

They've put put it on there and they've taken a picture of it and it's on display.

At no point was it actually because the fly had bad eyesight, the fly was presumably dead, it was purely an art installation or a show of technology.

I thought you were going to say Rick that you drawn the glasses on there

and he believed it like there's a bearded lady in this paper.

No.

My god Tony Bear looks like Adolf Hitler.

No.

What do you think of that though?

But they did it as an experiment.

Yeah but all things start as an experiment.

But why would they make a pair of glasses for a fly?

How would they know he had a bad eyesight?

How would they know it was the same thing?

Bumping into stuff.

I don't know.

Bumping into stuff.

But why would they bother making glasses for it?

And they've got a compound eye.

They'd have to make about a thousand pairs of glasses for a fly.

It's just that thing, innit, of human nature is

something's wrong with Summit, let's fix it.

And they try and help people out all the time, don't they?

We are.

We're always doing it.

We're always trying to help help people out.

Instead of just going, you've been dealt a dough card, cope with it.

We're always fiddling.

Always fiddle about.

It's like that bit about

what was it?

See, this is technology going mad on that.

They're doing

operations on people, right?

And instead of sort of injecting you with stuff that knocks you out, they're going to hypnotise you.

And

they operate on you when you're hypnotised, but you're still awake, so you sat there awake, you're aware of what's going on around you,

but you can't feel anything because someone's hypnotised you.

Why are we messing about with that when there's nothing wrong with the injection?

Well, there are, I mean,

it's not healthy to constantly give someone very dangerous, very dangerous, aren't you?

You just said it yourself there, constantly.

If you keep coming in operations on someone, don't be doing multiple operations.

But sometimes you need to.

Why?

Because of whatever the complaint may be.

Yeah, but no, not multiple.

Give them one or two max.

After two, it's like, enough's enough.

We've operated on you.

We fixed that.

We fixed that.

We're not fixing any more because it's just going to be there's going to be something else wrong with you.

Because you're getting old.

Like the world.

Get on with it.

That's what I'm saying.

Stop sort of plowing stuff into it.

Like I've said before about a car.

You know, the gearbox has gone.

Alright, we'll replace it.

Oh, exhaust.

Well, all right, we'll put an exhaust on it.

Oh, the oil filters.

Forget it.

Came up with a good idea.

We'll be the judge of that.

I'll do it now.

It's not a good idea.

Okay.

Okay.

I'm sticking my neck out here.

But

I think this isn't going to be a good idea.

Okay.

Thoughts?

Well, I'm going to agree with you.

I'm going to second that motion.

Okay, let's see.

Let's see if we're both right.

See-through skin.

High five rick!

Well, I heard and you told me this, so I know it's true.

Do you know when I talked about replacing blood with ink?

Yeah.

They can do it, not with ink.

Coconut, uh

coconut, what was it?

Well, one

it w it said uh um coconut milk can be used uh as as plasma.

But I haven't had that verified because it's off one of those websites where there are spurious facts.

I've I've seen facts like uh the Impala's fur is just nearly the same colour as grape juice.

Which I don't know what that who's that aimed at.

I don't know, you know.

So what do you think of that, Steve?

I mean I've sort of touched on it.

But I've just got to echo what Ricky said.

I can't have an opinion unless it's been verified.

But why why aren't you just being open-minded enough to go, well no, but let's not be open mind open-minded is is uh being open to the facts that, you know, the possibility.

Open-minded isn't uh believing everything you hear.

You don't believe everything you read, dear?

Um, a lot of it, a lot of stuff you kind of go, Well, that's that's interesting to but what we talked about this.

What about Noah's Ark?

What about it?

Well,

you know, you said you believed it'cause it's in book form.

But

according to that, didn't he get two of every species on a big boat?

But we know that's impossible, don't we?

Depends where he was.

If he was above a zoo, there would have been a lot of different stuff knocking about.

That's my only problem with that.

The zoo hasn't got 1% of all animal species.

No, but they've got more.

What I'm saying is, where was he floating?

Where he could get an elephant, a giraffe, a cat, a dog, a gerbil.

Where were all these things floating about?

Well, exactly.

Right,

these Old Testament zoos, they were quite a bit of a terrible thing.

Yeah, but exactly, but you're right, you're questioning it.

How is it possible?

But I've just said a zoo.

But what are you talking about?

A zoo?

As I said, there's no zoo that has got 1% of all animal species.

Well, I don't know where you're going from, then.

There's a couple of million species of animal.

And how did he round these animals up?

Because they were drowning, so they were looking for any boat.

So

they were actively seeking out an ark.

Well, they would have just been looking for anything to get hold of.

Yeah, and where did he keep them all?

How do you keep them all separate?

How do you at that point?

Oh no, the art lions at the otter.

No, because at that point it's it's that thing innit of how you all pull together in a bad situation.

Talk shit.

You all chip in, they're all like, oh God.

You know, let's be nice to our neighbours.

Right.

So they're spiders talking to flies and.

Well they they would have just gone elsewhere, wouldn't they?

They would have been on another bit of the boat.

The spiders don't have to knock about the lions just because they're all in it together.

They get their own little area, don't they?

Well I don't know.

How big is this boat?

It's big, it's big, it's a big boat.

How long, what was the warning he got from God to make it?

I don't know.

It was a couple of weeks.

He probably had the Extreme Makeover home edition team.

They all chipped in.

Probably had Queer Eye for a Straight Guy helping him out with some of the interior design elements.

Yeah, yeah.

Two of every species, Carl.

How big would this boat have to be?

Yeah, it's big.

You can't just keep saying it's big.

Because I know in your mind, you're imagining this ark, there's a boat boat with Noah up the front with his wife, two giraffes behind him, they're next there, two elephants, and it just and it's just like it's just like elephant, giraffe, hippo, dog, cat, weasel, couple of frogs and a spider talking to a fly going, let's get on.

But when we're off here, you're dead.

But what would you have done then?

Are you saying that you wouldn't get on there because it's too noisy?

It's not a question of that.

It didn't happen.

It didn't happen.

To be honest, I'm not bothered.

And they got through it, didn't they?

They got through it.

They're here now.

We're not short of them.

If anything, like I said, he didn't do us a favour because he saved too much.

He can't move out there for stuff.

Oh, chimpanzee!

He's ran it down again, you fucking.

That's the jiggle for excerpts from Carl's diary.

This is all legitimate stuff.

Fricky and I have had no input in this.

This is the first time we get to read it.

Went and did some shopping for stuff as it was my turn.

Suzanne moaned a bit'cause I forgot orange juice and bought some cheap toilet paper.

She always buys the expensive toilet paper.

I don't know why they make toilet paper with pretty patterns on it.

That made it into the diary.

Up and out at nine o'clock to go to the Cotswolds.

Now I think this was a gift for your girlfriend, wasn't it, for her birthday as we went to the Cotswolds.

I just went for one night.

Got the car and headed off.

We stopped at a service station to get some breakfast.

We had fried fried toast with an egg on it, one sausage and beans twice.

Cost us £13.85.

They sell everything separate, so it seems cheap.

At that price, we must have been charged for each bean.

We found the BB, but they wouldn't let us in the room because we were early.

We went for a walk.

There was not much around the BB, so we had a quick walk around the car park

and went back in.

Happy birthday!

The room was now ready.

It's an all right room.

Three biscuits, so I ate them straight straight away.

Like a child.

Like a dog.

He runs in, jumps on the bed.

No, no, no, um, um, get off the bed, not on the furniture.

The room overlooked the car park that we'd already been ranked.

You're staring at the window.

Remember when we went there?

We've always had the car park.

Oh, God.

The room had posh coat hangers in the wardrobe with sponge on them.

So I ate the sponge

Don't think they are needed

We went and booked a table for Sunday dinner and went on another walk.

There was a field that was there just for birds to live on.

We couldn't see any so we went to the pub.

Headed back to where we were staying for our dinner.

I had beef.

It was nice enough but there was a family of thirteen behind us.

I don't see the point in going out in large numbers.

They annoyed me.

One of the family asked for sorbet before his next course.

He was only about eleven.

He thought he was it.

I said to Suzanne, I've had enough and needed a kip.

Watch Planet Earth on BBC One.

They filmed a panda for four weeks and all it did was sit in its cave.

It did nout.

If I was fear, I wouldn't name one of my cars after them as it suggests it won't work or go very far.

It'd be like bringing out a Ford sloth.

No one would buy it.

A Ford Sloanf!

I would love that I'd come faith.

Oh, that's amazing.

Oh, God.

The new Vauxhall slug.

We had a look around the local village.

There wasn't much to it.

We did the usual thing and had a look around the church graveyard to see how old the dead people are.

Suzanne's had a toilet so far.

She's gone to the cotsworth.

The room wasn't ready, she's seen the car park and empty fields, and now, let's go and play how old the dead people are.

I like the fact that you mentioned we did the usual thing of having a look round the church graveyard.

Do you make her do that when you go away?

I like the fact.

I want to know what she did for two hours when you slept.

Did she just look...

She went to a club.

I don't know where there were time.

No, she just looked out at the car park, just like, memories.

But

that's what you do, though, innit, when you go to these places.

There's nothing else.

Unless you want fudge.

Or uh

you know, you you walk round the church graveyard

and have a look.

There's nothing we went home.

It took three hours to drive back.

People say they go to the country to see the wildlife.

I saw rabbits, pheasants and a fox on the way home.

They were all dead in the road.

Talking I was just intrigued to know, because Rob from Britain on Trent has sent this in, and he wants to know that because he's just started seeing someone, and he wants to know what your advice, Carl, is on how to keep her happy.

You know, he's just started a relationship with someone.

He wants to know what your advice would be to keep her happy.

Because, you know, I mean, he won't have heard that you took Suzanne on that wonderful trip to the Cotswolds.

So, what's your sort of advice, really, for someone who's perhaps just started a relationship?

I mean, you've been with Suzanne for what, nine years?

Ages.

I don't think you should

have to go out of your way to please them, because then it's not the right person.

I think you should just do what you want, and then if they like it, then they're the right ones for you.

So don't go out of your way too much.

I mean, I got the posh badge for a birthday, that's once a year.

Rest of the time, it's kind of like, you know,

I like weird stuff.

I like watching weird stuff and all that.

Now and again, I won't make her watch it, I'll tape it.

It's amazing advice.

But sometimes

you just say, no, come on, the bloke with the two heads on, I want to to watch it live.

So, give and take is what you're saying there.

That's all.

It shouldn't be hard.

As soon as it's hard, it's not right.

So, just

go about your business.

See if she joins in.

Another quote for the book.

Welcome up to the Commonwealth Games on the radio.

Now, what are you making of the Commonwealth Games?

Is that something that interests you?

Are you a sports fan?

I'm not really.

I mean, Suzanne's sort of been getting up early, especially to watch it.

You know how I feel feel about a lot of it.

It just seems to be sort of wasted.

If people are running fast, use it.

Do you know what I mean?

Rather than just try to beat your own record or someone else's, do something where you do have to run.

If you're a good swimmer, be a lifeguard.

Don't be messing about going up and down.

I was swimming recently, I do a lot of swimming, and I've never quite mastered my front crawl.

Just never quite nailed the breathing because it's quite tricky, isn't it?

You know, you haven't got to breathe at the right moment.

And I'm in the swimming pool in the local gym, and there's a guy bombing up and down, really doing a great forward stroke.

So I waited till he came up and sort of went,

Excuse me, mate.

I was just watching you when you were doing your front crawl.

I was really impressed.

Could you just watch me when I do mine and tell me if I go wrong?

I know, and that was what I thought.

That was the problem.

It was only as I was saying it did I realise what it sounded like.

I've just been watching you swimming up and down.

I was really impressed.

And you're both in speed-os.

Both in speed-os.

You know, I've got the goggles on.

Oh, you've got a special

orthopedic gogglegottle.

No, I don't know, you know, special prescription goggles so that I can see

when I'm swimming.

How much were they?

Oh, quite pricey.

But why do you need them?

There's nothing in a pool to look at.

It's not like you're scuba diving.

There's nothing to watch.

Clearly, there is someone to look at in a pool.

Well, no,

I was checking him out, but I was checking him out for swimming tips.

And he just looked at me when I asked him, Can you just watch me and offer me any tips?

And he just looked at me like I was just mental.

That is such a strange thing to say.

Can you just watch me?

I don't know how you had the nerve to do that.

Well, it was innocently motivated.

Well, I know it's innocent, but what a strange thing to go up to someone like that.

But what with the civilisation we live in, where we can just ask our fellow man to help us out with our forward crawl.

But we're in a society where we can't.

But you know that.

It's a strange thing to say.

But sometimes it's nice to just think, no, do you know what?

I'm not going to fall into the trap of thinking he's immediately going to think I'm gay or that I'm chatting him up.

I'm just going to ask him to do me a favour.

There's nothing wrong with that.

What if he said, yeah, it says, good, yeah.

Do you mind coming and help me with my plastering?

You'd have said, no, I can't.

But it's not the same.

He's in the swimming pool.

He's there in the pool.

He's swimming up and down.

He's, you know, it's not no skin off his nose to just offer a bit of kindly advice.

If your car's broken down in the middle of nowhere and someone drives by, you know, it's a generous thing to do.

Just stop and maybe look under the bonnet and help them out.

I agree.

But I don't see how that's any different.

You know, and in the end, he did, and all he asked was that I wake him off.

No, he didn't.

I'm joking.

Rockbuster!

That's the jingle for Rockbusters, a quiz which I don't think anyone enjoys.

I mean, Carl doesn't enjoy writing them, we don't enjoy listening to them, the listeners from the emails are just not interested, so don't know why we bother.

But anyway, there you go.

Last week's clues, go.

The first one, it's a cryptic clue, just in case.

Stop saying cryptic, because they're not a crystal.

It's not a clue with initials of an artist or a band.

You work it out, you know, you send in the answers.

Right, the first one, the initials were SC, right?

And the cryptic clue was: I went into the restaurant on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.

The fella making the food, he was there each time.

Okay.

So you've got to think about it.

This is what I'm saying.

Yeah, just as a message.

What is he?

He's a cook, isn't he?

If he's making the food and that.

He was there on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.

it's the same cook.

Yeah, yep.

So, what have you got there?

Same cook.

Same cook.

Sam Cook.

Sam Cook.

You said Same Cook.

Yeah, but if I went, the way I look at it is: if someone went, if I worked in a recognition, the way you look at it is

someone came and said, have you got Sam Cook?

I'd go, yeah, sure, he's in the jazz section or whatever.

Right, the second one.

Barlocks, that is Barlocks.

That one's sharp.

Go into that woman's store and rip her off.

Right, so what's a store?

Shop.

Right?

If you're ripping someone off, what are you doing?

Stealing.

Another way of conning.

Right, okay.

And what is it?

It's a shop.

It's a woman.

So, what am I saying?

What's the initial?

C.

Con shop.

Right?

It's a woman.

Connor shop.

Corner shop.

There you go.

So, Steve worked that one out.

Well done there.

The last one.

I'm stand.

You've had a go at laying down a track, but it ain't perfect.

Go on.

What's that?

So a track.

Yeah, what's the initial?

E.

Okay.

So you've had a go at laying down this track.

Yeah.

So when you're laying down a track, it's like a it's a it's a mix, isn't it?

Yeah.

You've had a go at doing it.

You've just just, you know, it ain't perfect.

So you could say it's a what's another word for not perfect?

It's a bit of a

it's a bit of a

shit.

Bit of a like that's a bit rough, innit?

It's a bit

bit of a rough mix.

It's your your rough mix.

Your rough mix.

Your rough mix.

I've I've never heard of that band.

That's not a bad.

Annie Lennox, isn't it?

Your rough mix.

So

Candice Morris in London.

Got them?

I really don't know what to say.

So sign picture off to

well, I feel embarrassed that we're still doing that.

Okay, this okay.

Yeah, well we'll tracking it in in a bit.

Should we just not mention it again like it never happened?

Well, let's do monkey news next week.

No, we're not doing monkey news.

There's nothing going on.

I'd be doing it if there was monkey news going on.

It's not going on.

We can't do it.

Rockbusters has to fill the gap.

Are we doing this week's?

Hurry up.

CK.

Depressing.

Oh god, we got this week's to come.

I thought weeks was over.

CK.

Fucking hell.

Do you know the uh the songs that you sing at Christmas?

That bloke who sings them is is brilliant at it, right?

CK.

Second one.

MG.

I told the homosexual man that the grape tree was mine.

What?

I told the homosexual man that the grape tree was mine.

And what's the initials?

MG.

Right?

Okay.

Bit of an easy one.

And

I asked you if you believe in Father Christmas,

what would you say if they asked you?

The initial is S.

Is that specifically Ricky?

Um we might as well keep it as as Ricky, yeah.

I asked you if if you believe in Father Christmas, what would you say?

So that have they got is there any prior knowledge?

Do they have to guess what I'd say?

Well they'd know it's obvious what you'd say about it.

Oh, this is so bad.

It's an embarrassment, this.

So it's a little quiz, leave them thinking with that for the next week.

Right, what are you going to learn about next week?

Podcast at RickyJavace.com, just send them in.

Embarrassing.

Don't bother, if they're shit.

Well, that's about it for another week.

Seeing number five, number six next week.

Keep coming to RickyJavace.com.

We'll keep you abreast of things that are going on.

We've made a little video, haven't we, Carl?

We might pop up there.

And we've had a few emails about the old shows.

People came into them late in the season.

Well, you can now get all 12 episodes of the first season on iTunes, and I think that's two or three quid in England or five dollars or so, I'm not sure.

But you can get those now, all 12.

So for me, Vicky Davis, goodbye.

From Steve Merchant, goodbye.

And from Carl Pilkington.