Toast Herstory: Guaraunty (Original Airdate December 4th, 2020)

Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the morning toast.

Happy Friday.

Friday, Friday.

Gotta get down on Friday.

Everyone, congratulations.

A huge musltove on making it to the end of the week without losing your mind.

Yes, and I just have so many personal updates to share that I'm just going to jump right into them because in so many ways, I'm a different person than I was on the show yesterday.

I hear that completely.

And in no order of importance, three major things happened in my life yesterday.

One, I moved.

It has just been such an exciting, treacherous experience, but made less treacherous with the most wonderful moving company, Roadway.

Okay, by the way, I use them for my move two years ago.

We used them for our studio move.

Like everyone in our family uses them.

They are truly, and by the way, I've had the same movers every time.

They're like the nicest guys.

It is the best company.

It's the best company.

It's the best moving experience.

I feel like I used to dread moving so much, but they really make it as pleasant as humanly possible.

They do it all.

They've even given me a discount code to share with with the toasters.

It's Jackie10.

If you want to get 5% off long distance moves or 10% off local moves, head to Roadway.

I have a link in my stories.

Use code Jackie10 and get some money off your next move and start moving and grooving.

Start moving and grooving.

You moving like into this palatial palace in the sky has really got me

all bent out of shape.

And there actually is a identical unit in your building, like how many, like four floors up.

Yeah.

And I'm actually, I think you should take this.

I'm actually really thinking about it.

I just love my building so much.

I know.

I love my building.

And if you moved into my building, like one, Theo and Bruno, best friends.

I know.

They would never spend a day apart.

I know.

Like, that's big.

You gotta, it's like, you gotta, it's like, you gotta just gotta do it for your kids, you know?

Yeah, you have to do it for the kids.

Two, like, you and I could be like podcasting all the time, like, just running up and down and like creating content.

No, I know.

Three, like, Ben and Zach could be playing Monopoly all day long.

Yeah.

And then, like, I'm, I really, I dread being alone.

It's like one of my biggest fears, which is why, like, I'm a homebody and therefore Ben has to be a homebody.

But he, but like,

if you, but not only that, like, if you lived in my building or I lived in your building, like, Ben could go do whatever he want, and then, like, we could just, like, watch TV together.

No, I know.

I really think you should at least look at the unit.

Yeah, no, I, um, it's so funny.

Like, buildings in New York are so snotty.

I actually reached out yesterday, like, after you sent me the link, and I'm like, hey, like, I'd like to come see the apartment.

And they were like, before, they're like, well, are you qualified for X, X, and X?

And I'm like, um, yeah, I think so.

Like, chill.

Like, they're so, it's like, so, like, something about my name maybe doesn't give off like good vibes.

Wow.

They're like, well, well, we can't let you into the apartment unless we know that you have X, F, and F.

And I'm like, okay, fucking nasty snot.

Yeah, I got it.

Bitch.

Oh, God.

So fucking rude.

I'm taking it personal.

Wow.

Okay.

Why else are you a different person?

Well, you've successfully moved, and your apartment is so nice.

I've successfully moved.

I still have so much like unpacking and organizing to do.

My apartment is so nice, but it has significantly less closet space.

Like for my personal wardrobe, I think half.

Like I'm not even joking.

And so I am being rude, like

relentless about just donations and cleaning out my closet.

Like, I literally have removed, like, so many iconic pieces that I never thought I would get rid of just because, like, of the memories.

Like, if you saw, if you saw some of the things, you would know exactly what it's from and you would be like, wow, you're really going to do that.

That's crazy.

Crazy.

So, this weekend will be very transformative as I continue to build out the space.

Second thing, I'm going to save the best for last.

Second thing, I finally set up my new phone.

And it really has just it's put a new, like when you set up a new phone, like you feel like a new person.

Okay, so like remember back in the day when you would like get a new Blackberry and like you had a new pin and everyone was adding you on DVM and you just felt like you woke up every morning with so many notifications more than usual because like everyone was just like adding you and like redoing all the things and you felt like so popular and special.

Oh no, I feel like that's not what it is for me, but I'm so I really just like exposed myself.

I'm so glad you had that experience.

For me, it's like I feel like your phone is so much a part of like your habit in your daily life.

And I got a phone that's a new size.

So now with this bigger phone, phone, I feel like the way I'm holding it, like I feel like a new person.

Like I feel like I'm watching someone else, you know?

So it's just like on my new phone last night, setting it up, just like feeling there's that new phone vibe that's just inexplicable.

I couldn't agree more.

But apparently there's this new update.

You know, it used to be you got a new phone, you have to download all your apps, make a new background.

I was like, you know what?

When I get my new phone, right now my background was Theo.

And I was like, I'll update my background to like Bruno or something like that.

Wow, that's so rude.

But with the new phone update, your whole phone, even the way you organize your apps, transfers to your new phone.

Fabulous.

Your background screen transfers.

Fabulous.

So Theo lives to see another day, and I love having Theo as my background screen because he's my number one, and he always will be like

that number one guy.

Speaking of old photos, I saw my friend Jason last night, who's like one of my oldest friends from high school.

And that's why I couldn't watch Southern Charm because like I had a couple drinks.

And Jason has literally, his camera roll.

goes back to 2010.

Whoa.

How crazy is that?

So that's like my last two years of high school.

And we went to college together too.

So like I literally spent the entire night last night like in 2011.

It was crazy.

That is crazy.

Because I guess he had an iPhone in high school.

I had a Blackberry.

I don't remember, but like I don't know how much fucking, how much his storage plan is per year because like it's a crazy amount of photos.

But it was really like traveling back in time.

How many photos do you have on your phone?

55,000.

How many do I have?

It's insane.

I mean, I have so many screenshots just from like running all.

56,000.

Wow.

Yeah.

Just from like running all, you know, our businesses, like in our Instagram accounts.

Every time I take a photo, like I take 20 and I don't really delete the old ones because you just never know when you're going to need it.

So that's that.

And then the third piece of news, personal news, that I think might be the biggest out of them.

This should have been a Fast Five story.

It's like such big news.

It's such big news.

I know.

It really should have.

But no one wrote it up, unfortunately.

I have changed my Instagram handle from Jackie O Problems.

to Jackie Ashre.

Now let's talk about the genesis.

How did we get started?

Who is Jackie O Problems?

What is Jackie O Problems?

What are your problems?

Okay, so I started Jackie O Problems in 2011.

I think I started on Twitter, and that was my handle since 2011.

And then it was my Instagram handle, Snapchat, you know, anywhere I went, so did me and my problems.

And it started as like a play on obviously like white girl problems and all those problems.

Right.

There was a trend on Twitter, like in the early 2000s, where you would make like tall girl problems and it was just like the problems that tall girls face.

And you were doing Jackie O problems.

They were like problems that were specific to me and it made a lot of sense at the time.

And I never really like thought much about it in the past few years.

But every time I would realize that that's my Instagram handle, like I would kind of cringe.

Cringe.

Because it's like an old school internet trend.

Yeah, it's like, first of all, it completely dates me.

Like, it's like, hi, I've been on the internet since 2010.

Like, when, and, like, I've been here for 10 years.

And it's not, like, in fashion anymore.

No, and it's also not what you post.

Like, that's at the end of the day, like, you don't post your problems.

No, but also, it's like, if it was an old joke that people were still like doing,

maybe I would have kept it, but it's it's not in anymore and like

so when I would take the time to like think about the fact that that was my handle like I was just like I don't want this to be my handle anymore and it would probably happen like once a year where I realized like oh my god so and you would try to secure other handles and I would try to secure other handles so I literally this time last year it was Thanksgiving I messaged there's someone has the handle at Jackie O which is my dream handle and it belongs to a girl and I had messages we were communicating a little bit but it just didn't work out in terms of me getting it from her Well, she just tried to haggle you.

No, she didn't, I mean, she just expected a price that I just wasn't willing to pay for an internet handle.

Like, I do have my limits.

Yes, I know.

It was insane.

And so I had to let that dream go.

And then, you know, a calendar year passed and I realized again that my handle is Jackie O problems.

And I was like, okay, it is time.

I need to think of something else.

And I was like, maybe it should just be Jackie Ashre.

Like, I like her.

She's a nice girl.

And so I went to change it.

But apparently, if you're like a public figure and you have a lot of followers, you can't change your handle on your own.

You need to get like a contact at Instagram.

So I went about getting a contact at Instagram and they said they would work on it.

And then yesterday, I guess they worked on it and my handle was Jackie Yasha.

Well, they didn't even ask you, like, are you sure?

Like, no, yep.

They just flipped the switch.

And I was just like, obviously, on the most transitional day, period.

Of course.

And I feel so good about it.

I know there are some people who are just like averse to change and like they're, you know, they love it.

It's a big they're always going to be against it.

Like, no, or like just any sort of rebrand, it takes a while to get used to.

But you guys, I'm telling you, this is for the best.

It's the right decision.

Feel all of the better vibes that are going to come from this new handle.

And I'm actually someone I love change like

all the time.

Like even moving apartments.

Like I'm, I really embrace change.

And so I'm just so excited about

this change.

I really am.

I'm excited for you.

We congratulate you here at the Morning Toast.

Good luck on this new journey and no looking back.

No looking back.

And I obviously, like, I didn't share with anyone, like, you know, what I was, what I was thinking about it because I don't like to talk about things until they're done otherwise like I feel like that I'm gonna jinx them like my Instagram handle would have like you know disappeared no my Instagram contact sorry would have you know stopped working at the company or something Totally because that's something that would happen to us.

And then I would have been stuck with Jackie O problems and you guys would have known how much I hated it.

Oh my God, totally.

Okay, well, I'm so glad I have a brand new co-host.

It's like you have a brand new co-host.

And I feel like that's why I'm wearing like all white.

You're pure.

You're like getting baptized.

I'm clean.

I'm getting baptized.

I'm free of all problems.

On the Sunshine Network.

I'm free of all my problems.

And I just want to say, like, even though I've dropped the problems, like, it doesn't mean I don't have problems anymore.

Nobody has more problems than you.

Nobody has more problems than me.

Someone was like, I'm going to manifest having less problems by putting the name problems in my name and then taking it out.

You know, you are literally significantly less problematic today than you were yesterday.

And we absolutely love to see that.

We love to see growth.

We love it.

So I'm really excited.

And make sure to follow me at Jackie Ashre.

Woo!

So I do believe that that it might be time.

Why you're just gonna rush me right in, huh?

No, I mean, like, to be honest, like, we've been talking about you for a while.

Like, it's hard for me.

I knew today I was gonna have to fight, fight, fight.

No, it's hard.

Like, I just think, I think it's time to move on.

Do you have anything that you want to share?

No, I did absolutely nothing yesterday except be like a disgusting piece of shit and like not wash my hair.

But you went out to dinner.

Yes, I did.

I hit the town, and the town hit me back.

I had three margaritas at dinner, and it was nice.

Saw my friend Jason, which was also really nice.

And yeah, I wish I had more to report on.

I just don't.

Life is so uninteresting for me.

Like, you do you wish you had a life-changing Instagram handle change?

No, I wish that, like, no, everyone around me is like, Olivia's a mom, she has a new apartment.

You have a new apartment, you have a new dog.

Maru has a new dog.

Oh, and the new dog, and the new handle, and the new phone.

And, like, Ben's parents just moved.

Like, everyone has all these, like, exciting life updates.

And I'm just, like, still the same disgusting piece of shit I was six months ago.

So, I'm like jealous of everyone's like metamorphoses.

Yeah.

I'm just not currently experiencing one.

I'm still in my cocoon.

Maybe you should get a new phone.

I don't need one.

Like, my phone works very well, and it's the 11.

Like, something about getting the 11, getting the 12 when you have the 11 seems so wasteful to me.

Yeah, that's me.

I'll get the 13.

Do you know what I mean?

You're on odd phones.

Oh, that's true.

Maybe I should get on evens.

I just feel like

that's what Apple wants you to do.

And like, I won't give into that.

No, I totally agree with that.

But it's also based on like two-year plans.

Like, they come out with a new phone every year.

You have a two-year plan means that you're missing one of every phone.

Yeah.

Every phone.

Right.

Which you should.

That makes sense.

And it's like when Apple, like, okay, they decided this year, like, they're done with usbs like no i'm not getting rid of my usb i'm buying a janky ass converter on amazon and i'm still using it like i refuse to give in to apple and their fucking corporate supremacy like it's insane it's insane what if you got a haircut like a crazy haircut i won't get a haircut but i actually am need i am in need of like a chop just like a fresh two to three inch trim that would make me feel good i saw a photo of myself yesterday that made me realize like I need a haircut.

I feel like as someone who used to have short hair, it's like, I just, I

revel in all of my hair growth, but like it's too long now.

No, you're getting to the Woodstock stage.

Yes.

I am.

And it's, I've been there.

I actually was stuck in the Woodstock stage for so long thinking that it was like so cool.

And now I look back and it looks so dirty.

Like someone should have given me a bath.

Like so sick.

Um, because I'm into long hair, but there is a point where long hair becomes like circus freak and the line is very thin.

So you got to be careful.

I saw a picture of myself yesterday.

Plus, like with my white outfit, like I look like it could be a Nicole.

Yep, 100%.

And they haven't let you out of your bunker in six years.

That's why your hair is so long.

Yeah, exactly.

Okay, I'm trying to think of other things that you could do to like revitalize No, I'm just like really set on moving I would I love that and I and I love your apartment so much and I understand why you've been so Resistant.

Yeah trying to hold back a sneeze you're trying to cry because you love my apartment so much I do and it's been so good to you No, no, the thing is is like I would and I feel like maybe this is like a bad way to live your life because at the end of the day, like I really do like my apartment and there obviously there are things I don't like about it.

Compared to others.

Right.

And so like I feel like moving just to like keep up with other people is like a really bad omen and a bad way to live your life.

Yeah, when it's like you're happy with where you're at.

And why can't you just accept that?

Why could that be enough?

I am shallow and vain.

And now I technically have the worst apartment in the family, except for Margaret.

That was a rhetorical question.

Oh, oh.

Because

I'm the one here advocating for you to move.

Just to have like a little bit of spice in your life.

No, I know.

Like, it's like that TikTok sound.

Like, let me add a little bit of spice.

Like, that's literally what I need.

My life is just like so vanilla right now.

I understand.

Well, at least you know that if you move, you can use Roadway.

You can use code Jackie10.

That's 10% off.

Local moves, 5% off long distance.

All right, let's dive right in.

Okay, wow.

Go for it.

Now you're done.

Do what you got to do.

Now you're good and ready.

It is time for the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

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They have completely revolutionized the glasses game, and it's so much fun to see Zach get all of these different pairs that he loves and gets to have so much fun trying them on, really, like see himself in them and make the best decision for his face and his eyes.

Okay, first story.

Cardi B says she's too shy to ask male rappers to collaborate.

This is like such a relatable story.

No, I read this and I was like, oh my god, like that would, that's me as a rapper.

Like I'm so like shy, especially around boys.

Like I feel like I haven't changed at all since high school and like I feel this to my soul.

Totally.

Cardi B made known for her brazen lyrics, but the rapper insists she's actually actually so shy that she can't bring herself to ask male rappers to collaborate with her.

Cardi B revealed in a new Billboard interview, she said, quote, the thing is, I'm shy and really shy to reach out to male artists, to be honest with you.

That's why a lot of collabs that I want, I haven't got yet because I'm scared to reach out.

I always get a little starstruck.

I'll be thinking I'm corny, even though I'm funny.

Oh,

that is so cute.

I mean, I feel like in Hollywood,

a lot of collaborations happen like through people's teams.

Like she could have her team reach out.

That's the point in having a team, you know?

Yeah, but maybe if it's like a really big artist, like it means so much more artist to artist.

100%.

That I agree with as as well so this is a predicament and one in which i'm surprised we haven't heard about from like other people in music because like

this would literally be us as rappers like shy

like oh i don't know like you want to sing with me like it's it's awkward to ask too and i kind of i feel like maybe cardi doesn't feel this way but like i hate asking people for like stuff because i hate Like coming off desperate.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

No, I just hate there's so many elements to why you would be shy.

Also, when you're asking people for stuff, and I even kind of feel this way about, this is what like kind of Taylor Swift was saying about like wanting to work with Bonnie there, but like never thinking that she could.

Like what you just think someone's going to say no.

So you're like, better not ask because they're going to say no.

Well, that's like everyone's like fear of rejection always.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because that's like, I feel like these sort of insecurities like are all stemmed from like high school.

And those are, they like never leave you.

Like fear of rejection, like nervous talk in a voice, like they never leave you.

For sure, but like not everyone suffers from these insecurities, you know, because some people are just like so brazen.

I know, and part of me is like jealous of people who are just like so sure of themselves and so like secure in who they are, who like can just do whatever they want.

But then part of me is also like, calm down.

Yeah, no, I feel like in instances like that, it's like I'm jealous of the person who is sure about themselves and like, you know, asks for what they want.

But then in other elements of life, like you see that person in a different scenario, like at a restaurant, and it's like, oh no, thank you.

There is nothing more frightening than a person who is so sure of themselves in a restaurant.

Oh my God.

Whenever I'm at a restaurant and I hear the way people talk, it makes me want to vomit.

Like, it's so sick.

Certain restaurants just have the worst customers.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

No, so I feel like that person is definitely getting great collabs, but like

do you want to be around them at any other time?

No, especially a restaurant.

Right.

Absolutely not.

Right.

That's a really good point.

Thanks.

So, Cardi, I hope some of

the biggest rappers, male rappers in the game, like hear this interview and reach out to her and they're like,

I would love to work with you.

If you think about it, I don't know that many collabs

Cardi B has with male artists, especially rappers.

Like she did Maroon 5.

They're not in the rap scene.

And I don't know any other male artists that she's collaborated with.

Yeah, but she's collabed with a lot of females.

And I guess it's because she just feels more comfortable asking.

Which I actually think is very cool of Cardi B, like for being a female rapper who lifts up other female rappers.

Right, and I think that this sort of what she would consider like a hindrance of not being able to ask male rappers, it actually winds up being even more beautiful because she probably gravitates towards female rappers and the content that they create together is amazing.

Yeah, like it's just been more beneficial for her.

And she's now, at least, I don't know if she did it on purpose.

To me, she is known as like a female rapper who lifts up other female rappers when I feel like for a while when like Nicki Minaj was like the reigning queen of

rap, female rap, it wasn't like that at all.

It was like very competitive.

And that's why like her and Cardi like butted heads so much.

And now I feel like Cardi's like setting a new standard for like the new wave of young Meghan Thee Stallions, like young female artists.

Yeah, we love to see it.

We do.

Wow, speaking of big music news, though.

BMN?

BMN.

Let me take a sip of my Diet Coke.

Yep.

That's kind of big to swallow.

Radio Disney is shutting down.

Devastating.

Radio Disney is shutting down amid a restructuring.

Disney is shuttering its Radio Disney division among the ongoing restructuring at the Media Giant, Radio Disney, and Radio Disney Country, who both stopped broadcasting in the first quarter of 2021, resulting in layoffs for 36 full and part-time employees.

That cuts deep.

That cuts deep.

I forgot about Radio Disney Country.

This feels like personal.

This feels like the last day of camp.

Yeah.

Because you want to know why?

I feel like

when I think of what was most influential to me as a young burgeoning woman, I always, I think the Disney Channel was so integral in the monster that I became.

Yeah.

And I feel like we really grew up in the golden age of Disney, but I feel like every older person feels like they grew up in the golden age.

But

I think that this is proof, actually, that we did grow up in the golden age of Disney Channel.

Yeah.

The Hannah Montana, that's our Raven Even Stevens era.

Yes.

And I think that that is objectively the golden age of Disney.

I think Disney is still very cool and they have a lot, like, you know, Descendants.

I absolutely love Doron Stan, but it's, it's not Hannah Montana.

It's not comparable.

It's not Wizards of Waverly Place.

No, it's not the Even Stevens movie, Model Double Take, all those movies.

D-com, Smart House, Lizzie McGuire movie, High School Musical.

And you want to know how you know that it's not those things because Descendants 3 wasn't in theaters.

High School Musical was.

Lizzie McGuire movie was.

Hannah Montana movie was.

Right, that's true.

Like, they really elevated out of their own bubble.

And like, it was really world domination.

Or maybe someone at the theater saw Descendants 3, like, was ready to put it in theaters and then was like, oh, no, this is so bad.

This is so bad.

Oh, was it terrible?

It was the worst of the franchise, which never happens on the third.

No.

But that's what we got because the second was so good.

Yeah.

So good.

It was an interesting dynamic between the three films.

So good.

So good.

Yeah, so I just feel like, as much as I sound like an old person being like, oh, I grew up in the golden age of Disney Channel, I feel like Radio Disney is shutting down right now is just further proof that I'm actually not just an old person.

Like, it's 100% true.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think it's really a sad story.

End of an era for sure.

End of an era for sure.

But at the same time, I actually, from a business perspective, I see what is Radio Disney beneficial for now.

Like, yes, Disney has good...

programming with like decent music, but the Disney genre in terms of music when we were kids was like a full-blown genre.

They needed their own station.

Yes.

They don't need it now.

But it's a sign of the times, like the way that people are listening to music is different.

I think radio in general is

suffering differently.

So I feel like they could have pivoted to some sort of like streaming, successful streaming

situation.

But I do think it's got become a little irrelevant.

Yeah, it's just like for every person like over the age of 21, like today is a sad day.

We are mourning the loss of Radio Disney.

I think everyone can think of a memory in their childhood where they're like sitting in the back of of the car, like maybe in a car seat, just like jamming out to something on Radio Disney.

And everyone can recall what station it was, like in their local area, you know, in their region.

Yeah.

Devastating.

Devastating for the whole Disney family.

It really is.

So

we'll miss you.

Yeah.

I miss you.

I miss your smile.

And I still shed a tear every once in a while.

And even though it's different now,

you're still here somehow.

My heart won't let you go.

And I need you to know.

Wow, I miss you.

Sha la la la la.

I miss you.

Literally can't remember a person's name when they tell it to me five seconds before, but I can remember a song I haven't heard since I was in the seventh grade.

And that's on being, on having your priorities in order.

Like literally haven't heard that song.

Can't even remember the last time I heard it, but could sing it in my sleep.

Didn't even like wince at one of the words.

Totally.

No, and that's like not even Hannah's most popular song.

Like, that was like a really random Hannah song.

No, honestly, it was like a bad Hannah song.

A banana song.

There were so many good ones.

Like, I could literally do a full in-depth Patreon episode on the discography of Hannah Montana.

I'm like, 100%.

Because she really went through so many phases.

And I feel like the one that I loved the most was definitely like Hannah Montana Forever.

She was making such good music.

Smooth talking,

so rocking.

He's got everything that a girl's wanting.

Guitar cutie.

He plays a groove.

Like, that song was so good.

And that era where she was like going between like Jake and Jesse.

And she cut her hair.

Yes, she did.

She did cut her hair.

She's Jesse with a haircut.

And she moves out of the Malibu Beach house into like a Malibu ranch house with a horse.

And that was an iconic

season.

Yeah, and Lily moved in with her, which was like a little question.

Which was just kind of like moochie of her.

And it's like, where were Lily's parents?

Like, I know they were okay with like Lily living with Miley, but, like, that's just like an insane thing to do.

Like, leave your home and like live with your friend in high school.

Like, if we're talking about real kids in high school.

Yeah, no, totally.

We should do a whole Patreon episode about it in the new year because we have, like, so many episodes to do this month.

Like, I mean, I would love to get my home.

I'm, oh, so many people are asking for a home tour.

I'm obviously going to do a home tour on Patreon.

Hopefully this month, maybe next month, like, because I need, I want it to be, like, stunning for you guys.

We need to do a holiday gift guide.

I have like so many gift ideas that I would love to share with the group.

Really?

I don't have any ideas.

Like, I I feel like I'm the worst gift giver.

No, but like, think of the things in your life that you cherish and value most.

Theo.

Okay, I'll get everyone dogs.

Right.

And then also, like, end of year roundup, best of worst of EOI Roundup.

You'd love to see an EOI Roundup.

We really do.

Today's episode of The Toast is also brought to you by Clean Simple Eats protein.

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Okay, next story is some delicious news.

Mariah Carrie launches her own cookie brand.

This is interesting.

I didn't see this.

This is so interesting.

Christmas Queen Mariah Carrie has whipped up her own cookie brand just in time for the the holidays.

Mariah's Cookies is set to launch on Friday, December 4th, that's today, online offering boxes of a dozen or half a dozen cookies in 30 major American markets.

For the holiday season, the delivery-only brand is selling a holiday hits box, which includes gingerbread, white chocolate cranberry, and pumpkin varieties.

Other assortments include chocolatey treats box, the pumpkin box, and the gingerbread

Brocks, according to a news release.

Once the Yuletide season wraps, Carrie plans to offer other varieties.

Other varieties.

She's like really struggling.

No, I'm not.

They're using such big words for a story about cookies.

Yeah, like chill.

Relax.

The baked goods will be available to order via delivery apps, including Grubhub, Cash, Postmates, Uber East, and Seamless.

So this is like a real project for Mariah, Carrie.

And it's very interesting.

Celebrities do different things all the time.

They create makeup lines, skincare lines.

They do movies, music.

Like, I've actually don't...

I can't recall in recent history when a celebrity went into like the food space.

There's one celebrity cookie line that if you think hard enough, you'll get.

The Girl Scouts?

No.

Celebrity cookies.

And the celebrities.

If I give you one clue, you'll get it.

Okay, tell me.

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show.

What?

Victoria's.

I don't think of cookies when I think of the Victoria's Secret Fashion.

What is it?

Carly Kloss's cookies.

She has a cookie company?

You don't remember this?

They did a Victoria Secretary.

Carly Kloss, I'm sorry, is the queen of doing things that are off-brand, making a line of cookies, and then her other things.

No, they're like, cookies were like healthy cookies.

And at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, they like went around backstage, like asking all the models, like, what they're eating before the show.

And everyone's like, Carly's cookies, okay, as they're like literally throwing up because they're so nasty.

Like, oh my, that's so funny.

Nobody knows that.

Um, I just feel like this is an interesting move and not one I expected from like Queen Mariah Carrie.

Sounds so delicious.

I literally am gonna order some cookies.

Well, that's where you and I disagree because I fundamentally have a problem with cookies that are just like beyond the regular, like, chocolate chip, sugar, snickerdoodle.

Like, there's four or five major, like, cookie categories in terms of flavors.

And I just feel like when people go like off the rails and it's like pumpkin duty, like cookies, like relax.

Like cookies are fine the way that they are.

And like people inventing like new silly like carrot cookies.

Like let's not.

Collectively, let's just not.

Cookies are.

Gingerbread cookie.

Okay, I'll accept that as a category, even though I don't particularly like that.

Even though it's like that's literally snickerdoodle.

Yeah.

So very confusing.

But we're going to just call it gingerbread for the holidays.

Sure, sure, sure.

White chocolate cranberry, like actually.

So unnecessary.

So

do not.

Okay, here, ready?

I'm about to make a royal decree

keep fruits and vegetables out of desserts the two are not meant to be together okay and i just want to say on that note eat keep them out of desserts and they're also not desserts fruit carry cake is not a dessert carry cake fruit is not a dessert here ye i agree if i come over for dinner and you're like and i got some fruit for dessert i'm leaving i'm out the door like i i find them to be so hurtful and so disrespectful like no and it's like i totally get it

You're putting out like fresh plates for dessert.

And I'm like, oh, like, she's.

She made a cake.

No, and I get people who want to be healthy.

And maybe this is where you just don't have dessert.

Like, let's stop reinventing.

Yes.

Because it's disrespectful to the

whole dessert community, like, to put out a carrot cake or a white cranberry cookie.

It's delicious.

Disgusting.

So we're going to disagree, like, on some of the finer plates.

What are her other categories?

Decree.

No, those.

Oh, there's other one that's a pumpkin varieties cookie.

Sick.

disgusting.

Pumpkin is so disgusting, and we all need to collect it.

And I have something else to say about pumpkin.

I never knew this, but pumpkin pie is disgusting.

Have you had it recently?

Do you think that I have ever put a morsel of pumpkin-related product in my mouth?

No, because I am a woman of taste.

Pumpkin pie, the filling, tastes like someone ate pumpkin, chewed it, and spit it

into a pie crust.

That's literally what it tastes like.

And I'm not nearly as picky as you.

Yeah, that's true.

No, it's like at the end of the day, stop normalizing fruits and vegetables in our desserts.

Okay, even though I'll make some exceptions.

Apple pie, I'm okay with that.

Blueberry pie, please be okay with it.

I'm okay with that too.

But I just hold...

I'm going to sneak carrot cake in there.

Carrot cake's so delicious.

I understand.

No, carrot cake is, it's honestly the cornerstone of my argument.

Can you go like elsewhere with your argument?

You can't.

You cannot take cow cake.

Okay.

My entire argument is going to crumble like carrot cake if you take carrot cake out.

So I have to include it.

Okay, so this is where we agree to disagree.

Yeah, and you know what?

If we're as long as we're disagreeing, like I don't mind like a little piece of fruit after my ice cream cake, what you know, like what?

Yeah, like sometimes at a restaurant, like one of my favorite restaurants in the city, like whenever people are like, Where should I go to dinner?

I always say Giamma.

I think it's like the best Italian food.

And I never really get dessert there, even though people love their tiramisu.

I'm not crazy about tiramisu, but they do have fresh strawberries and whipped cream.

And after like a big, heavy bowl of pasta, it is quite refreshing.

Like, I hear it, you know, I see it.

I kind of like it.

I can't believe that you did that to me.

But it's important to note:

eating fruit just like is unacceptable.

It's like you have to, you can only eat fruit when you're really full.

You have something else to say about fruit.

What?

And it's like, there are a few times in my life when I do happen to eat fruit, and the occasion calls for fruit, maybe like a summer's afternoon.

Stop putting different fruits in the same bowl.

Agree!

I agree.

Fruit is criminal.

I agree.

And the juices, oh, it's so sick.

Sick.

Sick.

Sick.

Sick.

Sickening.

Sick.

No, not sickening.

Sick.

Also, last night, Zach and I ordered dinner.

We had such a long, hard day from the move.

So I was just like, get the cookies.

Okay.

Have you ever had the quarter pounder cookies from the Smith?

I don't ever eat at the Smith.

We ordered the Smith.

I fundamentally disagree with their whole

message.

I can't.

As a chain.

We ordered the Smith and we got these big, the quarter pounder cookies.

They're three massive cookies.

And we just sat in our new living room on the couch we heated them up and just had warm cookies that's so nice and it was so nice that does sound really nice i'm actually like this conversation is making me so hungry okay we'll wrap it up are you ready for our next story sure

it is some sad royal news srn soil news soil srn what is it queen elizabeth's dorgie vulcan dies just two weeks after the death of william and kate's dog oh no queen elizabeth has said goodbye to one of her loving companions theo cover your ears.

The 94-year-old monarch's dog, Vulcan, died at Winston Castle.

Do you ever like sleep weird on your neck and like you literally can't move your neck?

I mean every day.

How is Theo not crippled?

Like

if you're watching on YouTube, he's the wonder of the universe.

He sleeps like that every day on the show and it's like your neck.

You know who else sleeps like this when given the chance?

Bruno Sweets.

Bruno Sweets.

Maybe it's a Cavalier thing.

Maybe they don't have like a spine or no.

Maybe they're spineless.

Like Braunwin season one.

No, maybe like, I don't know, they just like the blood draining to their face or something.

You know, it's like, if I laid that, like, in that position for that long, I would die because all the blood would rush to my head.

Totally.

Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you.

Vulcan was a dorgi, which is a mix between a corgi and a dachshund.

Vulgan's death leaves the queen with just one dog, another dorgi named Candy.

Cute.

That's a terrible name for a dog.

Great name for a stripper.

These dogs really had prominence in this season of the crown.

And I just, my heart goes out to her because she loves her dogs.

Yeah, I think one of the most interesting things about the crown, I mean, about the queen that I learned from the crown was like how important like just like dog life and dog culture is to the queen and the monarchy in general.

Like part of being a royal is like taking care of dogs.

Yeah.

And that, honestly, I feel like the crown makes being a royal look like really unenjoyable and unpleasant.

But I would become a royal just to have like a gaggle of cavaliers.

Right.

And like someone else like walks, shits, grooms, and like they just love me.

100%.

Anyways, the queen is well known for her love of corgis, but her last dog of the breed, Whisper, died in 2018.

So now she has dorgies, which are the combo.

Like a

scooned, yeah.

I know I like.

Let me say that without speech.

I was just gonna say, there are certain words I will never be able to spell correctly.

Okay.

Guarantee.

I have no idea how to spell it.

And there are certain words I will never be able to pronounce correctly, and Daushund is one of them.

I think that's Dachshund.

Okay, we are hearing, my producer is telling me in my ear, it is Dachshund.

Is that how he says it?

Dachshund, no way.

No way.

It's Dashund.

Dashund.

Dachshund.

Dachshund?

No way.

Oh, and by the way, let's just call a spade a spade.

I just want to know.

Jenny, let's just call a spade a spade.

A Dachshund is a wiener dog.

Like, let's just call it that, because that's what it is.

Okay, but what's the kind of dog that Kendall Jenner has?

Those, like, big ones that...

Big ones.

I literally knew you were going to say that.

The ones, I think it's a Rottweiler.

Anyone know that?

A Rottweiler is literally like a guard dog that could kill you.

I think that's what Kendall has.

I saw it on her story last night.

But a Dachshund is special.

Honestly, talking about dog breeds is giving me PTSG.

I just want you guys to know how Dachshund is spelled.

So that you know why we're pronouncing it this way.

I would have, you could have paid, said, I'll give you a billion dollars.

It's German.

I never would have said Dachshund.

I would have went more German.

I would have gone.

I would have been like,

Spell it for the people.

Spell it for the people.

D-A-C-H.

D-A-C-H.

Dachshund.

S-H-U-N-D.

Dachoon.

Oh my God.

Okay, so Dachshund.

You truly learned something new every day from the morning shows.

Yesterday it was a Slack merger, and today it's Dachshund.

That is the craziest news I've ever heard.

I like it need time to process.

What are like certain words that you will like never spell correctly?

There are so I have a few words and even my autocracked is like what are you trying to spell Ben?

Yeah, no Ben like literally

can for the life of him cannot spell opportunity right he spells it O-P-P-E-R-T-U-I-N-N-I-T-Y and you know what word I can spell ever is like physical psychic.

I can't spell any of those words that are like P-H-Y-C.

Right.

Yeah yeah yeah.

Ever.

I really cannot spell guarantee.

Like I am always like guarantee.

Like, I just cannot figure out

me.

Like, you were like,

you know how anti-culture.

Nobody, Jaggy.

Guarantee.

You know how anti-culture thrills me.

No, I know.

Like, you just.

Theo, it's guaranteed.

Oh, my God.

Theo's unfazed, neck broken, neck snapped.

Like, whoo.

That was funny.

Well, now you'll remember how to spell it.

Yes, I will.

Guarantee.

Fifth and final story.

Wow.

A little pet biz news.

PBN.

Are you ready for it?

Yes, ma'am.

PetGo has filed to go public as consumers adopt more pets during the pandemic.

Wow.

So that's just like big dog pet news.

Yeah.

They will be publicly, they want to be publicly traded again, this time on NASDAQ with the ticker.

You know what the ticker is?

Like their...

The button?

No, the letters that they're going to use.

So like if it were publicly beat TMT,

their ticker is going to be.

P-U-P?

Well, no, I guess they sell other pets besides dogs.

W-O-O-F.

Woof.

Oh, my God.

That's so.

Oh.

Sorry, Theo.

I didn't mean to wake you up.

That is so cute.

But you know what?

And maybe this is going to be like crazy.

Something about like mass

commercial businesses like around pets like gives me a pit.

Like I just don't want to know what they do to the pets at Petco.

Honestly, I was at a Petco like very recently and

it was a little pit-induced.

Do you know what I mean?

And it's like they say Petco where the pets go, but it sounds more like Petco where the pets get treated poorly.

Like I just have a bad feeling about it, you know?

And this is not based on any proof.

I feel like because when there's when there's so many businesses, like Petco is so successful, there's probably hundreds of stores and you're bound to have like at least one and you know maximum like a lot right of employees who are not kind towards animals right no then it's just like a quality control problem on behalf of petco I'm just and I'm not saying you know it's better than I'm just I'm not I don't have any proof I'm just I get weird vibes from like mass market mass commercial businesses about pets.

I hear what you're saying.

I'm much more of a boutique like

small business.

Because they like care about their pets where it's like Petco has, you know, they just care about the bottom line.

Yeah, but I think the person who started it like must have cared about pets to like devote their whole life

to the pet industry.

We've been to a Petco only once.

There's like not actually, there's one in the city, it's really far.

Is it?

Yeah, I just buy everything online.

Like, if you like, whoever's invented Chewy is an absolute genius.

Chewy.

Chewy.

First of all, the name is so cute.

Second of all, it's just like Amazon exclusively for pets, and they have just as good a shipping as Amazon.

And like, they have just as good of like data remembrance, where it's like, I don't need to put my address in again.

Yeah.

And my billing and my shipping and my credit card.

And they work with your vet.

So it's like if you need certain like meds or like Theo's was on a food for a while that was like pet prescribed vet prescribed.

It's just like a fabulous product.

Yeah.

Very good.

Are they public, Chewy?

For sure.

You think?

I feel like if Petco's not, Chewy's like newer.

Yeah, but Chewy's digital.

Like digital moves fast, man.

Chewy, the online business for PetSmart that went public more than a year ago.

Yes.

Thank you.

Has seen its share rise more than 150% so far this year to a market value of 30.3 billion.

I feel like this is a good like ticket.

Investment.

Yeah, I feel like on my Robin Hood,

this is not an ad segue.

I just do actually use Robin Hood.

I feel like I should buy some shares of Chewy.

You should.

And Chewy's ticker is C-H-W-I, less cute than Wolf.

W-I or why?

C-H-W-I.

Oh, okay.

Less cute than Wolf.

Way less cute.

Always cute though, still.

Always cute.

Okay, those are the Fast Five stories.

And I do feel as though in some way, shape, or form, you needed to know each one of them.

Okay, and I'm really excited because while we don't have a TV recap segment today, we do we do have a Kelly's Mindless News, and it is so mind-blowing.

Like, it may be one of the worst offenses yet.

So, I'm just little guy.

Look at the little guy.

Love Crunchy Man.

Loving the auntie.

I'm particularly excited about today's episode, today's segment of Kelly's Mindless News, like the 4th of July.

Because, of course, it is from Hello Magazine, like the number one offender of Kelly Rippa and her mindlessness and her mindlessness.

So, here is the headline: okay, Kelly Rippa's stunning beach photo with Mark Consuelos is Couple goals.

Okay.

Kelly Rippa and Mark Consuelos love a beach getaway, and while they can't currently jet off for a romantic vacation, they can still reminisce about one.

So just the mere concept that one of Kelly Rippa's like throwback Thursday posts is getting written up is so absurd, but okay.

Sure.

You would think, like, if it's getting written up, it must be something sensational.

Of course.

The live with Kelly and Ryan host shared a throwback photo with her shirtless husband on Instagram stories on Thursday.

Oh, it's not even a photo post.

It was a story.

Her Instagram story is getting written up.

The Live with Kelly and Ryan host shared a throwback photo with her shirtless husband on Instagram stories on Thursday as she counted down the days until she'd see him next.

In the loved-up selfie, Kelly is snuggled up behind Mark and they are smiling for the camera.

So, what do you think?

What do you think we're going to get?

We're being described as a stunning beach photo.

Okay, I'm going to say Kelly and Mark, like maybe in the 80s or the 90s, together on the beach, like a couple, cute couple girls photo, like nothing crazy.

Okay, ready?

I'm literally scared.

Obviously, this will be posted on our Instagram, so you can go check it out for reference.

It is a blurry Zoom.

You wouldn't even know they're on the beach except for the beach.

I thought it was like, obviously, a third party took the photo.

There's a beach behind them.

They're standing in front of the waves, like a beach pic.

They're really, it's not that revolutionary, but like that's what you described.

I really feel like we're onto something.

Hello magazine is really,

they're the number one offender of mindlessness.

Yeah, that is so crazy.

It never ceases to amaze, honestly.

Like, just when you think it can't get worse, bam,

bam, there it is.

It's so mindless, and it's so, it's such an like that's just modern-day journalism.

How does that make you feel as someone who briefly studied journalism in college?

Um, it makes me feel like deeply sad for like the state of the world.

Yep, and that's where we're at, you guys.

That's the mindlessness that you definitely needed to know before you jet off into the weekend.

You have any big weekend plans?

Well, I'm just going to continue to organize my apartment.

I have so much like house stuff to to do.

I have a lot of organizing and going through my closets and just figuring out where things are going to go.

And I'm so looking forward to being done with that and then enjoying my new pad.

Yeah, that's exciting.

Like, again, super happy and jealous that you have this like big new journey ahead of you.

Yeah.

What about you?

I have absolutely no plans.

Just going to, you know, probably do what I do every day and like watch a lot of TV, hang out.

We should like go to dinner or something.

Oh my God, I would love to.

I would love to take you to this new restaurant I've been telling you about.

Tomorrow night?

Sure.

Fabulous.

Let's do it.

Fabulous.

Let's do it.

Fabulous.

Fabulous.

Fabulous.

fabulous fabulous is like a word that i've been reintroduced to like maybe a year ago from margo because she like said it once and i never like forgot it and it's such a fabulous word it is and it makes you like only

like older mature stunning fabulous women use it you know you say when you were in high school no only women of like elevated like elegance use it yeah and i want to be that i want to be elevated elegance yes exactly so you guys thanks for a great week of shows we hope you enjoyed all the content being put out today yesterday the day before.

Every day.

Every day.

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Thank you so much for listening to the Morning Toast, the Monday Morning Show, where we deliver the fast five stories you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

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Hope you guys have an amazing weekend.

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Goodbye.

Follow me on Instagram, Jackie Asher.

Goodbye.

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