Hoda is Out, Lana Del Dufrene is In: Friday, September 27th, 2024

Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the toast.

Oh,

oh, oh, oh.

Oh, to be remote on a Friday with our butt pillows.

Okay, literally on my way to work, not me being so excited, like, oh my God, I'm finally going to be reunited with my butt pillow.

I need more.

I got one for the car, one for my studio.

Like the places I sit most, you know where I need one now?

Your purse?

Literally?

No, I need one in my makeup chair.

Like I sit there for hours, like touching my face and stuff.

No, my jaunt to New York was so bad for whatever issue I have, which I think is sciatica.

Like the plane rides, painful.

The recording of two episodes back to back, like genuinely, I

couldn't, I could not function.

Sitting at a dinner, like it was the most painful bout of.

What is it called?

What did I say?

Sciatica.

Psoriasis.

I've ever had.

And people have told me like what I should do for what I have, which is like

pelvic floor stretches.

That's what they say to me, Jack.

What's the one, like position four or something?

I don't know.

They tell me to do pelvic floor for my coccidinia.

They told me like actual stretches I should do.

And the one time I like went to do it, I was like, oh, I could see how that would help.

And I'm going to get serious about

studying this because it was unbearable.

And it was hindering like just my life.

And that's when things become an issue.

Isn't it crazy that we both are having these totally separate, unrelated, tushy issues?

We are so simpatigo.

I feel like you're having like sympathy pains for mycoccinia.

No, it's not my coccyx.

It's not like that's how I know it's not.

I know, but the general regions are the same.

Like what are the odds?

I think it's because probably we sit for a living.

Like we're experiencing, you know, injuries on the job.

Right.

We need workers.

Yeah.

We don't have it.

But what we do have is a live show December 8th in Hollywood, Florida.

Tickets went on sale mere minutes ago.

Go get them.

If you go to the toastpodcast.com slash tour, the link is right there.

Jackie and I decided to do one more live show this year.

And the date that was offered to us was December 8th.

And we said, yes, we're going to do it as a holiday extravagaganza.

So there'll be lots of fun things in store.

If you haven't been to a live show and you live in the general area, we can't wait to see you.

Also, if you live in the general area, I hope you're okay.

Yeah, well, if you live in the general area of Hollywood, Florida, like we're on the east coast of Florida, so we are okay.

It's really the west coast of Florida that's getting hit.

And so sending love to Levinian toasters.

Um,

thinking of like, it's really wild.

I was very grateful to make it home yesterday on time.

It's it's a big hurricane coming through, so just everyone who's hunkered down, like stay hunkered, stay safe.

I thought for sure you would be on your way back to my apartment when you left.

I'm like, she's being so chill.

Like, she's obviously not gonna land.

They're not even gonna take off.

Then she takes off.

I'm like, oh, you know, that bitch is getting divine diverted.

I thought I might get diverted too.

And then she texted, landed,

landed, grateful.

But yeah, crazy week for Florida plus the Gizno news.

Also, we chose to do a show in December because December is really the best month down here.

Like the weather is fantastic, right when it's getting bad everywhere else.

So like make a trip of it.

Text your friends, make a plan, grab a snack, get your tickets, bring an umbrella.

And I was ideating about things we could do, you know, to commemorate the holidays during the show, to commemorate the fact that it's, you know, your hometown show and it's Florida.

And I thought of a segment and I need to reach out to our friends over at State Farm because they need to sponsor the segment.

Ready?

The segment is

like a good neighbor.

Correct.

And I invite your group of neighbors onto the stage and I sort of just like yell at them the whole time and I tell them to scrab.

Like a good neighbor, you're going to be there.

Turtle sister's here to yell at you.

Like a good neighbor, you're never going to be able to talk to my sister ever again after the show.

What do you think about that?

And obviously that doesn't include Randy.

Like a live roasting of my neighbors.

I don't think so.

I want to, I love thy neighbor.

I want to protect thy neighbor.

Yeah, from the biggest irate sister.

Just an idea.

You know, we have to start like brainstorming new ideas and we'll make like a dock and put all of our good ideas.

And that's sort of what I'm bringing to the table for the brainstorming sesh.

No, I've definitely taken State Farm's like slogan to heart, you know, and it's made me think about being neighborly.

And that's why it's such a great partner.

And by the way, they are not a sponsor of today's show.

This is not like a sponsored segment.

Just me ideating.

We love ideation.

Honestly, we could ideate for days about the Dizno Holiday Spectacular.

There's so much to be done on that stage.

Like it might be a 12-hour show.

I know.

I think I need to get like tap shoes.

Oh, yeah.

I was literally just thinking tap shoes.

We have to tap.

Like I can't explain why.

Tap shoes.

I can't explain why, but just the vibes are tap shoes.

That is the vibe, period.

Correct.

I'm glad we're on the same page about vibes.

I'm glad to be here with you and our pillows.

We have a great show today.

There are actually like a lot of stories.

There are a lot of teartooth stories.

Like, you know, a lot that could have made the cut, a lot that didn't, a lot that did.

and I know we have this sort of like

not policy but preference when it comes to speaking about celebrity deaths

especially ones that like aren't surprising you know old people pass and it's it's you know a part of life however some celebrities like mean more to us than others celebrities so dame maggie smith has passed away now it's not a story because like there's not that much to say other than like rest in peace, absolute queen, literal queen,

dowager, countess, we love you.

But I did hope that we would mention it at the top of the the show.

And of course, for the Harry Potter fans, like she means a lot to them.

However, for the downtown Swirlies, she means a lot to us.

That's why I brought it up.

I figured maybe you didn't choose it as a story because it does go against like everything we believe in.

Even though she is the only one.

She is the exception.

She's not the rule.

A lack of stories.

I would have chose it because I do feel like she could have snuck her way in, but there was plenty of stories.

So I was like, we'll bring her up at a later date.

And when we're talking about celebrity jets, like we're not talking about Maggie Smith, but I wasn't sure if you had chosen it.

So I just, I'm glad we're bringing it up because I have one thing to say.

First of all, I'm devastated.

And like, there really isn't anything to say, but rip, you know?

Yeah.

Actually, for this one, I would give it a rest in peace.

Like, truly, as would I all capital letters.

At peace, please.

After all the good work.

And it's so funny how everyone's connection to the dame is so different.

I think a lot of people, who does she even play in Harry Potter?

Like one of the teachers, right?

I think so.

She's Dowager through and through.

And I do, you know, the third third movie

was in production.

Like, there's a chance she's in it.

They definitely, at the end of the second movie, like, they don't.

They said goodbye.

They say goodbye.

She doesn't die.

That's not like a spoiler.

But it sets the scene so that if she doesn't return for the third, it makes complete sense.

Yeah.

But I do remember a couple of months ago reading that it was in production.

I'm sure we could look at the credits.

And if the fucking writer's strike delayed it and we like.

Miss Maggie Smith because of them.

Sag Afstra?

Well, more so because of the studios, like disgraceful.

Sagastra.

That's just what, like, I'm thinking about.

I'm going to put out positive vibes.

Me too.

Love you, Maggie Smith.

Queen for life.

Yeah.

Well, Countess for life, but you know.

I'm sure she played the queen in something.

Some queen at some time of something.

Why wasn't Maggie Smith in the crown?

Like, that's literally like what she should have been in.

I feel like

it's like too close to Downton.

You know, and they were like airing around the same time and it's like it's a little bit confusing not only that actually that was like a dumb thing for me to say she's was made like she was given her dame is like a title right

she was like low-key friends with lilibet you know like she couldn't be playing hers that's her friend and by the time they got to older queen elizabeth i think she was retiring yeah

You know, that was when they hit us with this, the farewell to Dowager.

You know, tell me if you feel this call.

The UK is to Maggie Smith.

No, no.

Maggie Smith is to the UK what June Squibb is to the States.

I don't know who June Squibb is.

Oh my God, you don't know who June Squibb is?

Google a picture.

You know who June Squibb is.

Like, she's the cutest little old lady.

She's like our Maggie Smith.

National Treasure must be protected at all costs, like in iconic things.

Doesn't take herself too seriously.

She's so adorable.

You don't know June?

I recognize her face.

Okay, so she's She's really cute, and I don't think it's the same.

Like, I think Betty White was to the U.S.

Yeah.

But Maggie Smith was to the U.K.

Yeah, that's totally fine.

And potentially Ireland.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a better comparison.

Okay.

Yeah.

Maggie Squibb is like in kind of like random movies.

Maggie Squibb.

Maggie Squibb.

Oh my God, she was in our favorite movie, Hoobie Halloween.

I've literally never heard of that movie.

It's that Adam Sandler Halloween movie.

It's like truly horrible on Netflix.

So it's not our favorite movie.

You were using it as like a joke.

Our favorite, least favorite movie.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She was in that movie, Table 19, with Hannah Kendrick.

Your favorite movie.

You referenced that movie once a quarter.

Not once a quarter, maybe once a year, because it was like a bad movie, but a really good concept.

Yeah, yeah.

Like they almost had it.

Yeah, it was about like the table of losers at a wedding.

Like one's the ex, one is, like, they're all just like random.

They're put together and they go through this journey together.

I love that.

Yeah.

Maggie Squibb.

Maggie Squibb.

We also have,

obviously great stories.

We have Queenie and Weenie of the Week.

Also, let's talk about like kind of a scandal going on within our community.

The lack of deer toasters this week.

And let me just say, scandalous truck.

Scandalous truck.

We were like, I didn't do it Wednesday because me and Ben had so much catching up to do.

And like, I love just like a regular Ben episode.

And when I'm doing episodes with guest co-hosts, I have to do the ads.

I have to do the stories.

It's like a lot on my iPad.

And I was like, you know what?

I'll save it.

And And then Jax and I were podcasting for Thursday's episode.

It just didn't feel right.

So, for the first time, I think literally ever, we just skipped Deer Toasters this week.

And you know what?

I appreciate everyone's patience.

And the Deer Toasters community has been really respectful.

And we'll be back next week.

Just keep that in mind.

So I hope, like, whatever news you're waiting on, like, and information, it can wait.

You know, it's not a pressing situation.

Hopefully, none of the situations were urgent.

They're urgent.

Yeah.

Praying.

So I feel like with that said, we can jump in.

Like, there's there's so much to discuss.

Yeah, there is a lot to discuss.

So, now, without further ado, do to do, here are the fast five stories that you need to know.

And the fast five stories that you need to know are brought to you by ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program.

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They're the cornerstone of our families, of our businesses.

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Today's episode is also brought to you by Aloe Moves.

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Thank you.

Yet Welsh.

Thank you, Turt Tailer near me.

What?

Retailer near you.

You're the turt tailor near me.

Oh, so you were listening.

I like literally like, I threw to you a couple of times.

You were like on your phone.

Who are you talking to, your neighbors?

On my phone, I'm on my iPad.

I was organizing the story.

We had a reorg because as we said, there were a lot of stories.

So I pared it down to the fast five so that we can be true to our name.

Oh, I want to say one thing really quick about Dame Maggie Smith.

This was the first time, you know, I have this very complicated relationship with People Magazine notifications on my phone.

No, I have a complicated relationship with your complicated relationship with People Magazine.

I have to say, I have turned them off and somehow I still get them because I liked the idea of like getting breaking news that I found interesting, like People Magazine.

And the way they just abused the privilege, I never, if there was anything actually breaking happened, I found out before.

And the only time they would like bother me would be like, this vacuum's on sale.

Like, fuck off.

Today I found out about Maggie Smith from a People Magazine notification.

And I found out from you, I think.

So therefore, I found out from People Magazine.

So like literally for the first time ever, like three years ago, I turned on my People Magazine notifications.

I have now successfully used it.

Has it been worth it?

No.

Except I feel like I got so much fodder for the podcast I talk about in my People Magazine notifications all the time.

It's true.

Our first story, major, major morning show news.

Hoda Cottie announces she is leaving the Today Show after 17 years to focus on her kids.

So Hoda is bidding farewell to the Today Show after 17 years.

She wrote a letter to the staff of NBC that she shared on Thursday saying, as I write this, my heart is all over the map.

I know I'm making the right decision, but it's a painful one.

And you are all the reason why.

They say two things can be right at the same time.

Oh my God, is she

holding space?

She is.

She's feeling that so deeply right now.

I love you, and it's time for me to leave the show.

She explained her reasoning, adding in part that, quote, my broadcast career has been beyond meaningful.

A new decade of my life lies ahead.

And now my daughters and my mom need and deserve a bigger slice of my time pie.

I miss you all desperately, but I'm ready and excited.

She'll stay in her current role until the beginning of 2025,

but she won't be absent from the network entirely after the new year she'll remain on in some capacity writing happily and gratefully i plan to remain a part of the nbc family the longest work relationship i've been lucky enough to hold close to my heart it's just hard for me to imagine anyone would walk away from this job right it's literally the dream job like and nobody gets to be hoda right and when you think about like celebrities who are universally beloved hoda is up there with the greats you know she's a part of people's lives people love her so much she's in new york city like whenever there's like a new york city event she's like the most famous person in the city she goes to like everything so it's hard for me to even picture someone walking away from this job.

Like, what are you doing?

It's literally a million girls would dream, a million girls would die for that job.

Yeah, when I first heard the news, it was really shocking.

She's such a core tenant of the Today Show.

It's like, how do you adjust?

But now in thinking about it, I'm feeling a lot of things.

Like one, I feel like she is ready to graduate to icon status where she does one 10-pole interview every once in a while.

She's like the go-to.

And I feel like you can't be that like legacy person, like that sort of Oprah or whatever, when you're on tv every day and that accessible like i think she's actually graduating and it does make sense and i really do admire her choice to spend more time with her family i think that's a really hard choice to make when you've achieved such greatness but maybe like

This is what happens when you achieve your when you accomplish what you want to accomplish professionally and it's like well now I want to do that at home I know she said like she's very open about the fact that like she chose to have kids much later in life and now like what a privilege to have achieved success financially too to be able to like not work and be able to be at home with your kids at an age where like most people aren't most people are still like hustling so that's a really good call I do like what you said about like icon status although I do feel like it's a very

touchy time like it reminds me a lot of Meredith Vieira like Meredith was on her way to Icon status she left that show she was on she got her own show Meredith flopped Where in the world is Meredith Vieira?

Right, but that's not this because it's not like she's starting her own show that if it flops, like she takes a bunch of steps backwards like she's kind of sitting pretty right now right now and I right now and if she doesn't do something

next like taking a chance like that just coming back to maybe interview maybe coming back for the Olympics like she'll go on to be like just a very a-list interviewer and host like like Oprah like Oprah it would be weird if Oprah was on TV every day still it's like you're too good for that why are you working so hard no it's true it's kind of I'm trying to think of like NBC like women on NBC who have done something similar almost like Katie Couric

Yeah.

She left, but like is still one of the premier interview icons of our time.

Like very Barbara Walters.

A thought leader in the space.

You want her on your panel.

You want her in your commercial.

Yep.

She's like a businesswoman, CEO, CEO.

But like doing a morning show every day is so much work.

And I do think when you are so successful and you have a family, you're like, I want to work less and I can work less.

Why am I working this hard right now?

Like, I'm ready to graduate from this program into the working less program.

No, and I don't know what I was like so surprised when I heard this.

Although, if you just look at it, you're in the same job for 17 years.

She's on her second co-host.

Like, Kathy brought her in and then Kathy left.

She brought Jenna in.

That's how it works, like, one after the other.

So, it's like not surprising.

It makes total, total sense.

But I was shocked.

It's still shocking because we were, she was like literally queen of the week last week.

Like, she

is so relevant.

It didn't feel like this, we were at the end.

It felt like we were in the middle, but that's just our perception.

But I do think it also takes a big person to go out on top and not wait until they're kind of pushed out the door.

I think that's one of the hardest parts of like one of these jobs is like knowing when to go.

And it's always, of course, better to go too early than too late.

This does feel early.

Like it does, but I also totally get it.

Now, of course, who's next?

That is a great question.

So it's someone who's going to be sat with Jennifer Shaker.

Now, of course, the sister in me is like, grab your sis.

I thought the same.

Okay, so that's my choice.

There's a lot of speculation if you're interested.

I am, because I'm not familiar with like the NBC talent.

And interesting that she obviously signed another NBC contract, just like in a totally different capacity, right?

Hopefully.

Yes.

So here are some names that People Magazine is floating.

Craig Melvin.

Now, I do think this job is for the girls.

So I'm going to skip that.

Oh, my God.

Can we have one thing?

It's literally like the girly hour of GMA.

Fuck off.

Yeah, they also said Willie Geist again.

Oh, my God, fuck off.

Chanille Jones, she joined the program in 2014 as part of the weekend today before she was named the third co-host, the co-host of the third hour.

Yeah, she's queeny.

She's queeny.

I like that.

Yeah.

Katie Tur, she's a broadcast correspondent for NBC News and MSNBC, where she has hosted Katie Terr Reports since 2021.

The thing is about this GMA third hour is that, or whatever hour Hoda and Jenna is,

it's It's like this really special hour.

Like it's joyful.

It's like local news.

It's apolitical.

It's celebrity.

That's where like a lot of celebrities choose to do their press and interview with Hoda.

Like, so I think somebody with that background, like coming in with like a big background in like political reporting, set the vibe.

Like this is what's fun.

I feel like someone like that also doesn't want to do this job.

It's very morning glory.

And that's where our expertise comes in because like Harrison Ford doesn't want to be making fratatas on live television.

Correct.

We need someone using the word

fluffy.

Correct.

We need someone with the desire, with the appreciation for what this hour is and not trying to make it into something it's not.

Yes.

So then there's Stephanie Rule.

She's a senior business analyst and hosts MSNBC's The 11th Hour with Stephanie Rule.

So like could she unbutton?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I feel like the slate of NBC talent that you're listing and like people we know who are associated with NBC and the Today Show, like no one's, to me, the obvious choice.

Was Jenna Bush an NBC like employee?

Did she have a contract or did they just pull her out of thin air?

I don't know, but I don't think they pulled her out of thin air.

It's too big of a job.

And then another name that's solid is Laura Jarrett.

She's been a co-anchor for Saturday Today since 2023.

So like a weekend energy that could translate.

I do think that them picking from like the women of NBC like makes sense, but they also at Today like test a lot of co-hosts like Justin Sylvester.

Is it going to be Justin Sylvester?

When I said this was a job for the girls, I wasn't talking, like I wasn't excluding Justin Sylvester.

Actually, that's a really good point.

He guest hosts a lot.

I feel like he's probably one of their top substitutes.

I actually think he's probably on the short list for this job.

Oh my God.

That's it.

It's his to lose or turn down.

I don't know if everybody would want this job.

As we said, like it's early mornings, but he's used to that.

No, I think Justin, whenever he comes to New York to do hodo, like I usually have like lunch with him, he loves it.

And I know he would love to live in New York.

I think if they offered him the job, it would be no question.

It's just, will they offer him the job?

If it's not going to be the sister,

my vote is Justin Sylvester.

Arian.

And the thing, because I always, I don't watch Shanna and Hoda, but I follow them on TikTok.

So I literally see almost every day what they do.

They cry on the show pretty much every single day about something because they're both like, they're both mothers.

They're both just like very, not emotional, that's not the right word, but they feel things, you know, and they're expressive with the emotions.

It's It's actually really sweet.

Um, and it's become this, and I hate to use this word, but

and I mean it in not a corny way, it's like a very safe space.

The show, they just talk about like womanly things, and like they're not afraid to cry, like, they literally cry every episode.

Someone's always crying, and they talk so much about their kids, and so I just need someone who's like, who's okay with that, someone who's going to embrace, and I don't know, some of these business analysts, you, I can't see them crying, sorry, and I don't want to see them crying, not in the slightest.

Tell me if you feel this call.

Like, Jenna Bush Bush Hager is Kelly Clarkson.

I love it.

Like, it's the same energy.

I love it.

I love it.

I love it.

I love it.

They are of the same elk.

1,000%.

Now, I thought you were going to say Jenna Bush Hager is X because for so long, like, Jenna Bush Hager has reminded me of someone.

Now, it's not Kelly Clarkson, but even though I think that's a good call, like, who is Jenna Bush Hager?

Like, she reminds me so much of someone.

And it might be someone in my personal life, but I've always felt this like warmth towards her.

Like, when she sat down in that chair for the first time, I didn't even really know her besides the fact that she was the first daughter, but I immediately liked her because she had that welcoming spirit.

Maybe it's just, you know what it is?

Oh, I figured it out.

She doesn't remind me of anyone.

And like, like, like, specifically, she just has that same energy that she was like a librarian at my school, you know?

She has that, and especially she loves books.

She gives librarian.

She loves books.

Yeah.

She gives librarian.

No, she definitely has like a friendly face.

Like, if someone like her, like, I don't think biology would make someone who looks like her like a bitch.

You know what I mean?

Watch.

She's like a nightmare off camera.

No, although, like, Be kind.

Let me ask you a question.

If they cast her sister, would that, you feel, like, threaten our position in media at all?

It would be bad for us because I do think something that we sort of lord over everyone is like, we're the best sister duo to do it.

We are.

And then we would have competition.

Now, Rising Tides raise all tides because then say.

Then say like, oh, we loved, they had the sisters and they loved having sisters.

And then they quit and they want that sisterly energy.

Like then it's us.

Right.

Even though like we don't, we wouldn't want that job but uh i would

do you know what you get paid oh no i don't a lot those mbc contracts maybe not the first year but like okay so then it's good for us that's like what's her like roda's retiring like unless they do terribly and they're like we would never hire sisters yeah right right right i also think where it's like they're such a great sister duo that every other network wants a sister duo that would be really good for us i think it will never happen i think lauren bush is like super private

that lauren bush or the other Lauren Bush or the Lauren Lauren.

Okay, don't like, I actually don't know who Jenna went from.

By the way, they're like, we have to sit here.

I don't even know from this.

I don't know who Jenna's sister is.

I just know her name is Lauren.

Are you telling me it's not Lauren Lauren?

It's not Lauren Lauren.

Oh, because I was saying that Lauren Lauren is really private.

Lauren, Laura, Bush's daughter.

Let me go back to my Jenna Bush.

I should just have a tab on Jenna Bush Hager open at all times.

It's Socher.

We're open.

I should have it.

Barbara is her sister, Jackie.

Barbara, yeah.

Barbara is her sister.

She is like non-profit non-profit girly.

She works for the Global Health Corps.

Oh my God, they're twins.

Jackie, they have that on us.

They're twins.

They do.

But I think that we could

compete.

But that's really beautiful, twins together in utero.

And her man's name is Craig Coyne.

Craig Coyne.

She's done

before.

Yeah, she's just very philanthropic, like Human Rights Council, Global Health.

She's home children.

This would be good for her philanthropy if she was on the Today Show.

She's extremely beautiful.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm kind of obsessed.

I ship.

I should.

I also look forward to a swift announcement of who will be replacing her.

Oh, don't jeopardy us.

Don't make a meal out of this.

Get us while we're excited, okay?

Don't do like a week of, not a week, like six months of like fake co-hosts to the point where we actually don't care anymore.

Who did they end up using at Jeopardy?

Ken Jennings.

Oh, right.

Who they should have used on day one and they probably did, but he had one old tweet about someone in a wheelchair and like it was unacceptable.

Yeah.

Also, don't wait until like the last minute to tell us when we forgotten about how excited we were.

Yeah, and it would be fun to announce the co-host and like maybe have her come a couple of times, like Kiki with Hoda too.

Or him, Justin.

Maybe have her or Justin come.

Right.

And like Justin is the only acceptable

choice.

Well, no, if they're going to do a woman, fine.

But if they're going to do a man, it has to be Justin.

Sorry, he's the only acceptable choice for a man.

Like Willie Geist, enough.

And by the way, I personally have had enough of Willie Geist.

Anyone else?

Anyone else?

I don't get that much of him.

Oh, my God.

When I was an intern, like for this, I was an intern in college, and it was like this celebrity interview stop where like a lot of people would stop by.

And like Willie Geist was always stopping by.

And he was so handsome and so nice, but it's just like I've been like

involved with Willie Geist.

2013.

Like, go away.

Understood.

Okay, so we'll keep you posted because you know that is just like our favorite.

That's one of our passions.

Casting news and the hosting.

And hosting news.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our next story?

I just want to say they should give Diane Keaton the job.

Continue.

I think they should give Harrison Ford the job and they should have Rachel McAdams produce.

That's all I'm saying.

And what about Diane Keaton?

She's out of a job.

She put that show on her pack.

She's the Hoda in this case.

No, because she will never leave.

Diane Keaton would actually be be really good at that.

She has like personality coming out of her pores.

Agreed.

And celebrities love her.

That's the thing.

You know who else would be good?

June Quibb.

Squibb, are you okay?

Maggie Quibb?

I genuinely don't know who that is.

I can't believe that you host a pop culture show.

I'm just fracking up that like you said it like

so matter of factly, like as if you were saying Abraham Lincoln.

Everybody knows who this is.

The fact that you host a pop culture show and you don't know June Squibb, like

it's crazy.

Please sound off in the comments like if that was a name I should know.

Yeah.

Our next story is some news that's taking a corner of the internet by storm.

Let me think.

So is it Jeremy Allen White's new girlfriend?

It's Jeremy Allen White's new girlfriend.

He was spotted house hunting with his bear co-star, Molly Gordon, before kissing photos.

Now, if you don't watch the bear, like this story seriously means nothing to you.

No, I don't watch the bear and it means a lot to me.

I'll tell you why.

If you are a Rosalia fan, fan, it means something to you.

And if you're a Bear fan, it means everything to you.

Because not only were Jeremy Allen White and his Bear co-star, Molly Gordon, caught kissing, locking lips on Wednesday, but they were also photographed last Friday, like leaving an open house together.

Yeah.

So Molly Gordon, for those who don't know, like I, she came into my view as like a part of Ben Platt's crew.

She like, I think they went to summer camp together.

You know, he has that crew of like theater people, Jewish kids, like that's his crew.

And

I don't really care that Jeremy Allen White is dating her.

Like interesting.

Love that for her.

To me, it gives me an opportunity to talk about like a rabbit hole I went down a couple of weeks ago where apparently Ben Platt and Molly Gordon are no longer friends.

Like is anyone else following this?

She wasn't at his wedding.

What does it mean?

I am being introduced to Molly Gordon for the first time today.

And let me tell you my conspiracy theory.

Yeah, she was in that movie Theater Camp.

Right.

Let me tell you my conspiracy theory about her relationship with Ben Platt because I feel like I know Ben Platt.

I feel like like he's like an actual nightmare diva.

That's just a vibe that I get.

I don't have any proof of that.

Although people have said that like their celebrity interactions with him like have not been good.

He like won't take pictures with you.

And I feel like he had this like sort of ensemble of like whenever he would do a project, he would like throw in his like theater friends, Molly Gordon.

And he was always like the star and he had these like ensemble characters who he would like throw a bone to.

And then Molly Gordon started to like pop off.

You know, she had this like crazy glow up.

She gets cast in the bear.

And I feel like that's not going to work for Ben Platt.

Like I'm the diva and this And keep these people down.

I'm the number one guy in this group.

And I feel, and she wasn't at his wedding.

Like,

drama, for sure.

For sure.

Anybody have any T on what's actually going on?

Cause that's just a theory I have.

I actually have seen her work in Life of the Party with Melissa McCarthy.

Yeah, she was always, she has like a recognizable face, but you probably couldn't tell what she's been in.

But now she's really starting to, she obviously like got a publicist, a stylist.

Like she looks sick.

She's in the bear.

She's leveling up.

And I feel like that was too much for Ben Platt.

Perhaps.

And now she's dating Jeremy Allen White.

So it's about to skyrocket.

And they seem to be a legit couple.

Like they're kissing in public.

They're looking at homes together.

And I guess that also means he's no longer with Rosalia and he missed her birthday party in Paris.

Right, right.

They were kissing on Rosalia's birthday, which was a hot spot for the girlies in Paris.

Which was also exciting.

So it's like, at least if you're not with your man's anymore, like you're having a great party and Kylie came.

I like, I actually don't think Rosalia gives a fuck.

Like not a singular one.

I do, people are now going back, right?

Looking at photos, timelines.

I do think the timelines, like,

I don't know if it's like super clean I think he's dated like a lot of a lot of girls like overlapping one another I think he's just like well that's called dating misattention but that's also dating you know when you're publicly spotted with someone like it is yeah technically in the real world you can go on it like four dates at a time who cares yeah but once you're like photographed with someone even though you're not an official couple it makes it weird like no a centennio that week Correct like he did nothing wrong you've never been on two dates in one week it's called dating like yeah no it's called throwing a bunch of shit against the wall and just literally praying to God something sticks.

Right, right.

No, I mean, I guess I have no issue here.

And from what you've now told me about Molly, she seems like a swell girl.

And Jeremy made a nice speech at the Emmys.

So go forth and prosper.

Now, let me ask you, do they play lovers on the show?

I don't watch.

And it was my understanding, based on the very limited amount of exposure I've had to this show, that Jeremy, Allen, and Ayo are like OTP in the show, but I don't know.

Got it.

What the the hell do I know?

They, yeah.

They are.

Oh, Molly and Ben Platt do date in the show.

Okay, well, that's cute.

Molly and Ben Platt.

Yeah.

Molly and Jeremy Allen do date in the show.

Like, I don't know how.

That's good for the show.

That's really good for the show.

Well, I was thinking that because I was watching Tell Me Lies yesterday and Grace Van Patten is like hooking up with another character.

And like, how would we do that?

Thomas Doherty.

Thomas Doherty.

And you know, like, it's not just hooking.

On Tell Me Lies, like, it's really always like very involved sex scenes.

And, like, your boyfriend's literally, like, silently suffocating in the room next door.

It's just weird, you know, to be on set with a lover and your lover is not your lover in the show.

But he doesn't have to be in the room actually and I wouldn't be.

Of course not.

Yeah, so hopefully he didn't see it.

It's just crazy.

It is, but I feel like in their situation, it's not because like they're giving it all to the show.

Like that show feels like,

honestly, like the society, not in the show terms, but in the concept of the society where they're like in this world where no one else is.

Like that's what they're doing over at Tell Me Wise.

so funny i saw grace van patton in an interview say like when she got the role she studied up a lot on vanderpump rules she said i want that like i want it to feel like a scripted version of vanderpump rules and honestly i thought that was an amazing comparison like that's literally what the show is like everybody just fucking each other yeah like friend groups doing the worst possible things they could possibly do to their best friends yeah it was a kind of a brilliant i think she said she like studied scossi Oh, that's so funny.

Well, don't forget, Lucy, it's not too late to transfer.

Somebody needs to intervene.

Somebody in the tell me lies, like, fake community, like a guidance counselor, needs to intervene and just remind Lucy that transferring is an option in this universe.

Like, it is possible to move schools.

Yeah, and like, you're a beautiful girl.

You'll flourish where you go next.

Like, people want to be your friend.

Like, you will be okay.

Yeah.

But, like, the amount of guilt that you're living with, like, you won't be okay with that.

It's going to give you cancer.

Like, the secrets like that make you sick.

Yeah, it's really sickening.

Are you ready for our next story?

What if you just transferred?

See what happens.

Try it out.

You could always come back.

Yeah.

Also, all those schools are kind of the same.

Like, because I'm watching this at Bear and I'm like, it's Colgate.

Like, it's Colgate.

Come on over.

I could tell you it's not NYU.

Like, all schools are not the same.

I said all liberal arts.

I said all those schools are the same.

Yeah, it might as well.

Liberal arts universities.

And I want to say, if I could redo my life, which I have no interest in doing, I just want to say like zero.

But I had to like do things differently.

I would not, even though, like, I'm sitting in this chair right now with like the successful show that we have because I went to NYU.

Like, I really believe that.

But, you know, if that theory didn't exist, like, if I just could have

just get, yeah, if I could have made different decisions in my life and still ended up right here right now, like, same person.

We understand.

I would not have went to NYU.

I would have went to a small northeastern liberal arts school, like, suddenly, like, three to five-hour drive away,

maybe a little bigger than Colgate, like, with like more football-y vibes, like even though like that's all point liberal arts don't like have footbally vibes.

But you know what I mean?

But we like did have football.

I think like you would have gone to Colgate and we could have been together.

Also, why would you go to a different liberal arts world like not with your sis?

Yeah, that's so true.

That's so true.

Sis would have taken you under her wing.

I've always felt like going to NYU was like not my best choice, but I didn't like nowhere else.

Like, what am I going to go to Michigan?

Like, no.

That's how I feel about that teen tour.

Right.

And now watching Tell Me Lies, I'm like, oh, that's what I should have done.

And, you know, all the times that I visited you at college, like, I had the, some of my best memories ever of my life were like those five or six weekends I came to see you while you were at college.

Yeah.

Like at least once a year.

Yeah, at least.

Oh my God.

And I think this week on Tell Me Lies, I didn't watch this week's episode, but it's Halloween and Stephen's sister is coming and

all the siblings come, which was literally us Claudia visit us on Halloween.

The first time I ever visited, like on Halloween, that's how Tua T, like perfect, it captures

that experience.

The first time you ever met Ben, we all drove up to college to visit you and like Ben game.

Yeah.

Obsessed.

So much fun.

Got to redo life.

Are you ready for our next story, which

is number three.

And it's a bit of surprising news.

Okay.

That Lana Del Rey got married to an alligator tour guide in Louisiana after being first romantically linked to him a month ago.

Yeah.

Lana Del Rey is a married woman.

She has married Jeremy Dufreen after first being romantically linked to the alligator tour guide in late August.

The two of them exchanged vows in an intimate ceremony in front of their family and friends in Desalamandes, Louisiana.

She was spotted walking down the aisle in a flowing white gown alongside her father to kick off the nuptials.

Daily Mail obtained aerial view photos of the wedding.

It seems to be at the same bayou where he operates his popular swamp boat tours.

Let me say something about Lana Delray, okay?

This is so camp of her.

Like

she loves a blue-collar man, right?

Her last hooping was a cop.

Okay, but they weren't married.

Cause I was like, isn't she with that police officer?

Very long-term relationship.

Like, she loves a no-name blue-collar worker.

Like, that to her is like kryptonite, right?

She sees a man with, like, you know,

some dirt under his

average job.

Sign me up.

Sign me up.

Where do I sign up?

So this is not surprising.

It's very on-brand for her.

She's like low-key, very just like a middle-american girl.

You know, she's this mega star.

She sells thou, like she could perform for a room of 100,000 people.

She does like the biggest festivals.

But at heart, she's just like a girl, you know, from the middle of nowhere, you know?

Yeah, but even just a girl like doesn't get married in under a month.

Right, right.

The marriage part is what's surprising here, like that she is a new man and he does alligator swamp tours, like sick.

But they got married so hastily, even if they've been together for longer than when we first knew.

Like, it's obviously very quick.

He is a divorced father of three.

Oh, wow.

As stated, like, he's a swamp tour alligator operator.

So, does that, like, does that mean she's moving down to Louisiana?

Um,

it's just like, have they talked to her?

Donna Batrouge,

operator, won't you put me on through?

I gotta send my love down to Baton Rouge.

Hurry up, gotta put her on the line, gotta talk to my girl just one more time.

Um, I don't know, I don't know what this means for lana in a you know a bigger sense and of course like was taylored there

no taylor wasn't there her best friend

not at her wedding that's weird and yes lana del ray is just a girl and her getting married to someone in under a month is like the only part that makes her not just a girl but that's where her like celebrity comes in this is what celebrities do and like marriage means less it's her first marriage And this is how it went down.

I don't know.

You're looking for an explanation.

Like, I don't have one.

I don't know.

No, I'm just, like, looking for all of us to really wrap our heads around the shock value of this.

Like, it's not just Lana being Lana.

Like, Lana did something that she's never done before, which is, like, actually get married.

So much so that I'm like, were they filming a music video?

Like, this can't be real.

Oh, that's a good call.

But, like, I think the Daily Mail would have sussed out if that's what it was.

If there's a camera following them around, it's the wedding videographer.

But, like, it's her dad's there, his family's.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's like a really like involved music video.

You can just hire extras.

yeah

so anyways from the aerial view she looked beautiful um

mazletove you know

to the happy couple for the ray family yeah the ray family and

last name

lana ray dufreen garji pargi except her real name is elizabeth

elizabeth woolridge grant sounds like someone from

prejudice

duprene duprene It works.

Wait, Dupree or Dupre Neh?

Dupre ni.

What?

D-U-P-R-E-N-E.

Duprene.

Dupreen.

Okay, yeah.

Don't forget to.

Gorgeous.

It is gorgeous.

Mazels.

Mazzle.

Are you ready for our next story?

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Our next story, a little Costco news and a bit of a Diddy update because there's a lot swirling in the Diddy case.

Hate to use that word even to associate with him, but rumors are swirling.

It's so true.

He is not swirly.

He's not swirly, but rumors are swirling.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyway, Costco is responding.

I kind of want to give P.

Diddy a swirly.

Oh, he would enjoy it too much.

Totally.

He's literally sick.

He's sick.

He's like, do it again, Turdy.

Do it again, do it again.

You film me.

Sab, it's actually not funny.

Anyways, Costco is kind of clapping back at this.

Like, they've been smeared by Diddy's team because Diddy's lawyer had offered a potential explanation for why the feds found a large stock of baby oil and lubricant at the rappers' homes.

The lawyer suggested that maybe that he got it at Costco because he likes to buy in bulk.

However,

before we get to Costco's response, I just, I have such an issue with the lawyer saying this because he said it like, you know, comparing Diddy to a regular average American.

He's like, you know, average Americans, we buy in bulk.

We?

We are not the same.

This is not an us thing.

He's like, yeah, everywhere Diddy has homes like, there's a Costco.

Okay, but I didn't see like the Fed saying that there was 100 rolls of toilet paper.

A thousand granola bars.

No, just the baby oil.

So anyway, spokesperson for Costco told TMZ that none of the company's U.S.

locations carry baby oil, even though his attorney had told TMZ that the rap mogul might have bought them in bulk at the members-only warehouse retailer.

The proof is in the pudding, so to speak, as a quick search of the source site shows there's nothing nothing akin to baby oil offered at Costco.

There is, however,

hair and cleansing gel sold for babies, but it'd be a stretch to confuse that with baby oil.

And nothing pops up when you look for body oil either, which could be mistaken for baby oil.

So he didn't get this at Costco.

Now, I saw, I don't know where I saw this theory, so I can't say whether or not it's credible, but I saw something really disturbing, which was that the bottles of lubricant, they weren't baby oil.

It was like they're drugged

lotions that like, if you put it on someone's body, like it makes them like paralyzed and incapacitated and could cause seizures.

I can't remember.

I think I saw that maybe on X like it could just be like a total lie, but like really

what's with the baby oil?

Well, not that this is like even remotely the most important part of this conversation, but do you find it shocking that Costco doesn't sell baby oil?

No, because when I went to Costco recently, like I realized actually they sell like 20 things and they sell like one of each.

Like it was actually really shocking.

I thought Costco is like Amazon.

It's not.

They curate, they're really selective about what they offer and then they sell bulk of it, but there's only like one kind of body wash.

Yeah, I don't know.

Like Johnson Johnson baby oil is like a classic product.

It's like a bar of soap.

No, I was looking for something.

I remember I had like a short list of things I needed from Costco and like they didn't have some of it.

It's really so they're very selective.

It's about

like quantity of the quality, not quantity for quantity's sake.

Okay, well,

and I'm glad they're not letting Diddy get away with this.

No, and like, who wants their brand name even remotely associated with this person?

The things that I have seen about what he's being charged with and what he did are some of the worst things.

Like, the details that are coming out about these freak-offs are so upsetting.

I hope that

justice,

justice is all over him did you see um

the tunnels

yes very like apparently very hamas coded apparently p diddy had like a very complex sophisticated

like underground tunnel system in his homes like to i don't even know what the fuck like to get to like some grotto like

stay above ground you know if it can't be done what you're doing yeah it shouldn't be done it can't be done period it shouldn't be done there's a reason why.

And Diddy's lawyer reminds me a lot because every time I hear from him, he's like making a statement.

He's like saying dumb things.

And he also looks like a schlub.

Like, put on a suit.

You know who he reminds me of?

Please, I'm begging you, begging you to read my mind right now.

My mind's not working at full capacity today, so I don't know if I'm capable.

I'll give you a little clue.

Like someone else's lawyer who's like a slob, like and is always making.

That's what I figured.

I don't know.

He's always like speaking on behalf of his client, and I feel like making things worse.

Teresa Judice?

Yes.

You know who's lawyer.

He's like always on reality TV.

He's like kind of thirsty as like an Instagram and it's like you're supposed to be like helping someone from not getting deported and you just look like

Joe Schmo.

I actually feel like he is also her publicist.

I feel like he's, I don't know, he gives me bad vibes.

That is funny.

I'm so glad you were able to read my mind.

Thank you so much.

I just thought of someone who's like got bad counsel.

Yeah.

And made things worse.

Okay, thank you.

Anyways, so that's what's going on with Diddy.

We'll see what's next, but there's a lot of like stuff coming out, a lot of old videos.

Now, all these like old interviews with celebrities, like I saw one of Ashton Kutcher, like being asked about Diddy's parties, and he was like, Diddy's parties.

But like, well, that's.

You know, there's like a, there's a crazy unsubstantiated rumor going around that Mila Kunis like has left Ashton.

Yeah, because she like, she found out, like, he was doing, you heard the rumor?

I heard that Mila left the house, yeah.

When she found out, like, his involvement.

I heard that.

But, like, only in one place and like I didn't seem credible especially because then they were like because look at this hot ones clip and he was just like whoa diddy's parties

that to me is not a smoking gun like whatsoever people are really like taking crumbs right now and it's like calm down okay and by the way I do think that a lot of celebrities went to Diddy's parties above ground and like got drunk and partied like a normal party and then down in those Hamas tunnels like nefarious things were going on and just because you were at the party does not mean you knew or had any involvement and I think there's like three tiers of people like people who who are at the party who had no idea.

People who are at the party who like knew that bad stuff was coming out but didn't participate.

And then people who were all in.

Yeah, I completely agree.

It's a good system.

Yeah, it's a good system.

And right now it's really hard to say who's who, except we know Diddy's tier three.

We know Diddy's tier three.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But like all these pictures being like a picture, it's very Ghelane Maxwell when you see a celebrity taking a picture.

That is not an indictment, in my opinion.

Yeah.

No, I agree.

Our fifth and final story.

Are you ready for it?

Yeah.

Some Danny and Sandra news.

Oh, my God.

Wait.

Read it.

Okay.

Dancing with the Stars is Danny Amendola setting the record straight on the Xandra poll dating rumors.

Spoiler alert.

No, he's not.

So after the New England Patriots alum was supported by his pal Zandra during a taping of Dancing with the Stars last week, he shut down any brewing romance between the pair.

So he told E-News in an exclusive interview, quote, Zandra is a great friend of mine.

I'm a huge fan and supporter of her, and it's good to have a friend like her.

He emphasized that Zandra is still a very close friend, adding that his mom loves her.

Okay, like it was a very pointed response.

He said the word friend twice.

He enunciated it perfectly.

Like he did not want any confusion.

I do think he was not expecting this interviewer to ask that kind of a bold question, even though it's all obvious, right?

Like literally not a bold question.

He brought her to the taping.

Like when someone's in your and she could have been in a different section.

She's in his cheering section.

Like now this is up for public consumption.

it's also it's not like he's like you know a celebrity whose buttons you don't want to put like he's just on dancing with the stars like get ready to be asked ask some questions ask

i was trying to say like answer yeah i i feel like maybe

because it was such like you're if you're dating like you're you're lying right which is incongruous like you said he didn't say i'm not dating her he said he's she's a great friend i would describe my husband as a great friend of mine who i am a supporter of him and it's good to have a friend like him okay I feel like maybe though

they like this week or a couple days ago like broke up or just decided to stop seeing each other and like this is his response because it would be valid too.

I hope so.

Yeah, because if they are dating unless this is like an agreement they both had it's weird.

Then why would she be sitting in the cheering section?

I don't know.

Like they obviously decided to come out as a couple with her like staying in his apartment, making all those TikToks and then going to the show and being on TV.

Like,

so I feel like they broke up.

I think this is his stab at being coy, you know, like how Donna Kelsey is like.

Oh, well, he has that in common with Donna Kelsey.

They both try to be coy and they end up sounding rude.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I think maybe there's no bad intention.

I think when it comes to Zandra and Danny, like, I think he likes her more.

That's just the vibe I get.

Wow, that's a bold story.

I think he's happier to have this relationship.

Like, he needs this relationship more than she does.

Well, that's different.

And I agree with that.

He needs this relationship.

No, not even like public.

Like, I think, like, if Zandra left, like, he would be home like nursing a broken heart.

And if

they broke up, like Zandra would be out the next day.

Right, like I think Xandra is a bad person.

I just need to caveat.

I don't know either of these people.

I don't follow either of these people.

Like, I genuinely don't know the first five of them.

Just vibes.

Right, like, the vibe is that Xandra can do better than Danny Amendola.

Danny Amandola cannot do better than Zandra.

And I often feel like in relationships, hetero relationships, like the girl is more invested than the guy.

I just feel like that's just men versus women.

That's biology.

Yeah.

But in this situation, I'm like, Xandra's got more options than Daniel.

And Xandra's like too cool for school.

Like she's her whole life ahead of her.

She's so young, so perfect looking.

Yeah.

So I don't even think like this would offend Zandra.

I feel like she's wearing the pants in this relationship.

I can't explain it.

I hope so.

And maybe like told him, and also told him, like, don't tie me down to you.

Okay.

Hey, hey, grandpa.

Maybe he said, maybe spele.

Maybe he said that because yes, Xandra like doesn't want to stop seeing other people.

Like she'll play with you, but like.

Yeah, she's not going all in on you like just yet.

Like she's having fun.

She'll go on TV.

Sure.

Like I am Xandra.

It's good for her career to be seen in the audience.

But Grandpa, keep it in your pants, okay?

I love that.

I love that.

Yes.

It feels like, you know what it feels like?

It feels like Xandra knows her worth.

Yeah, 100%.

I love the idea of Xandra that I have in my head.

I know that.

Where she's just like tossing Danny around the apartment.

It's like, we're together.

We're not together.

I love you.

I hate you.

We break up.

We're back.

I love my grandma.

I hate my

grandma.

Literally.

Those were good stories.

Let me say that.

Oh, okay.

Thanks.

And let me say something else.

Today's episode is far from over because it's time for Queenie and Weenie of the Week.

I feel like there might be one person out there who doesn't know what Queenie and Weenie of the Week is.

And let me tell you, it is a a weekly game we play here.

So every Friday, sort of a way to top off the week, recap it, tie it up in a nice bow.

Jaggie and I will each nominate one person for Queenie of the Week and Weenie of the Week.

Now it's just as it sounds: who acted like a queenie this week?

Who acted like a weenie this week?

It's not that serious.

Obviously, P.

Diddy's not going to be our weenie.

He's a criminal, not a weenie.

So just that goes without saying.

It's light, it's fun.

It's a seven-day title.

You could find yourself queenie one week, weenie the other.

It's yet to happen, but who knows?

Great, let's start with Queenie.

My queenie of the week is an actual queen, Maggie Smith.

She lived a lifetime of queeniness, and her presence will be missed from the screen and in our lives, and she contributed greatly to the arts.

Agreed, she was definitely like a runner-up for me.

I thought, just to sort of cap off this week, we've never given, oh, you actually gave it to her last week, Hoda.

Well, she's mine this week.

You know, I think it's a tough decision.

I respect the decision.

I also am now like kind of realizing like I'm a big Hoda fan.

She is kind of unique in the sense where she's genuinely like universally liked.

Nobody dislikes Hoda.

She's kind of America's sweetheart.

So I love her.

I'm wishing her the best.

And I like that she's making news for the morning show girls.

That's that's huge for us.

Yeah, it is.

Wiener

of the week.

My weenie of the week, and we didn't even get to talk about this.

And so that's really why I chose it because I spoke about it with Ben, but not you.

My weenie of the week is Ellen DeGeneres.

She was the weenie last week, too, by by the way.

Was she?

Yeah, at least for me, that was on my, uh, when I redid my notes.

Yeah.

Why?

Why was she?

Because, like, she, the teaser for her show came out where she started making it about

women, like, growing up, you know, wanting to feel self-conscious with some shit.

So that was really clairvoyant of you because it turned out like her special was even worse than one could imagine.

It was a year, queenie and weenie are mine of last week.

Oh, my God.

That's so, by the way, if that ain't the truth, like, that's so me, late to the party.

But you know what?

I was actually, like, I need, we needed to give Ellen space, like, to see what she was going to do.

The special was even.

Claudia, I watched it, but I wasn't on the episode with you that day.

I watched it.

How much did you watch?

10 minutes, and I could not watch anymore.

Like, it was

painful.

The windshield, the parking.

And also, like, I would love a little

driving comedy because that's the era that I'm the most, I have imposter syndrome on the road.

When she starts talking about, like, where are the windshields?

It's like, we all have one car.

Like, we're not that confused where our windshields are.

No, and like, that's the type of comedy, like, jokes that get written when you're like starting comedy, you know?

It's like so entry-level.

You're Ellen, you have a team of writers.

Oh, and we're here to hear you talk about getting canceled, not your fucking windshield.

I was in shock at the things that she was talking about in the 10 minutes that were just like.

So boring.

The first time she brought up the cancellation, I checked, was 18 minutes in, and she didn't even start talking about it.

She just brought it up.

Then she goes into shtick about how she has chickens, like terrible.

Like the jokes were bad.

And even when she started talking, and I can't even tell you what her net thesis was from her cancellation, like it was horrible.

It was such a good opportunity.

Like, what, I loved the idea.

When we announced it, I was so here for it.

Yeah, she may have even been queenie that week.

Like, what a squandered opportunity.

Cause if you're going to do it, do it.

Say, yeah, I was a bitch.

Fuck you all.

Or say, no, I wasn't.

You're all assholes and you're sensitive.

Like, say something.

She didn't even say anything.

So, like, what was the point?

Stay in retirement.

We forgot about you.

Nobody's talking about your cancellation anymore.

The windshield wipers.

And when I kept hoping that joke about parallel parking, like, was going to end, she's like, and then you reverse again.

And then you pull out again.

And then you reverse.

Weenie,

weenie.

Like,

those jokes, you're not going to find someone more sympathetic to like being so drunk and insurance.

My jaw was on the floor.

At how bad.

At how bad.

I only watched 10 minutes and then I took my night back and I took my power back.

Me too.

And Ben was like, like begging me to turn it off.

I'm like, well, you're coming on the toast tomorrow.

And so we should have, like, this is good fodder.

So it's like homework and like maybe we'll enjoy it.

And then I was like at 35 minutes.

I said, okay, I'm a reasonable woman.

We can stop.

Like, this is pure torture.

It's like being waterboarded.

Wow.

35 minutes.

It's big of you.

What about you?

Who's your weenie?

My weenie of the week was just kind of like it was a big week for them as weenies.

And that's the UN General Assembly.

Like it threatened to ruin my trip to New York.

However,

find out if it did on my vlog that I just dropped on the Patreon.

I vlogged my day in New York and like the 12 hours before 12, like just the whole getting there.

It was really fun.

So Queenie award for me for that.

I love a weenie that allows for self-promo.

Right?

So the UN, like our weenies stay weenies.

They take up all the space and time in New York for this one like resource again in week in September.

And it's like,

even if they weren't causing traffic, like do your fucking job, like save the the world and stop being anti-Semitic arsholes, but you can't.

And I just will truly never understand like why.

And I know you guys are sick of hearing me talk about it because unless you live like in New York, you don't fucking care.

But I'm sorry.

It's like taken over my whole week.

I will truly never understand like

where was the time and place where this decision was made that the United Nations like HQ

would be in New York City, like one of the most densely populated, like poorly run cities.

Like put it in a farm, like on a field.

No one will come, no security threats.

Like it's so dope.

It's an international organization, so it could be in any country, not even in America.

It could be in any participating country, like over 100 countries, and you had to choose this city.

It's so crazy.

It makes no sense.

It makes no sense.

Put it in DC.

I don't know.

No, like there's a lot of, they have traffic in D.C., too.

Like, why,

like, at least it's all political traffic.

Just stay.

That's true.

Like, if you live in D.C., you kind of sign up for it.

Put it in Idaho.

Yeah.

No, but they didn't sign up.

The Idahoians did not sign up for it.

Okay, how about this?

Put it in Paris, like somewhere else.

There's a million countries.

Yeah.

Leave us alone.

Yeah, get out.

Get out.

Leave right now.

I feel like we need to sit down.

Let's do a show.

I know.

No toast tunes today.

Womp, womp, womp.

Also, womp, womp, womp for this being the last

episode today, like of the week.

It's kind of not cool.

It's pretty cool.

Well, here's what you can do.

You can head over to the toastpodcast.com slash tour, get tickets for our final live show of the year.

It's a holiday spectacular in Hollywood, Florida.

You can go to patreon.com slash the toast and watch our vlogs, watch old episodes.

There's a lot for you to listen to.

Yeah, the next week is going to.

It's jumping.

I got my own spin-off.

Next week is going to be an even major week at The Toast because we have an amazing guest coming on and that'll be up next week.

So there's a lot to look forward to.

And it's the weekend.

So if by the time you're done listening to this episode, it's probably lunchtime.

Go have lunch.

Then the day is over.

The day is pretty much over once you have lunch.

So there's that.

Take a short Friday, make it a shorty.

Yeah,

love ya.

Oh, wait.

No, no, sorry.

I fucked it out.

We're really like the outro has gotten really.

Yeah, let's reel it back in.

Maybe it's ready for

an evolution.

No, but like everything evolves.

Thank you so much for listening to the Toast and London Morning Show, where we delivered the fastest stories you need to know every Monday, Friday.

And YouTube, you're watching us on YouTube.

Please subscribe to this video, thumbs up.

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Love ya.

Bye.