We Just Fell Out Of A Coconut Tree: Wednesday, July 3rd, 2024

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Good morning, Millennials, and welcome back to the toast.

Happy

Wednesday

and Friday and Monday.

Wednesday and Monday.

Because it's the start of something new, as Troy Bolton would say.

If you're listening, as an audio experience, you might say, wow, those girls sound crisp.

Those girls sound like their UPS package with all their equipment arrived.

If you're watching on YouTube, it's not a static image.

It's us.

It's literally us.

It's a lot of girls live in living color and Streison.

Bryce and Streison decided to come to work today.

We've got Bruno.

We've got Jax.

We've got Claude.

We've got a camera.

We've got the Hamptons.

We've got greenery behind us.

Now, please save your critiques for a different comment section.

Maybe go comment them on Mark Ruffalo's YouTube page.

This set.

is an active work in progress.

I do know that the lighting could use some work, but let me just say, where we started and where we've come from in 24 hours, it's amazing what we've accomplished.

That's true.

And you bitches almost didn't get an episode today because I am sick.

Yes, Jax is running a fever.

Like Or Ring literally was like, yikes, girl, we won't bother you with your stress insights today.

Take the day off.

The universe is actively working against us.

However, we will not back down.

No, I won't back down.

We will not let it stop us from delivering premium content.

This is our last episode before the long holiday weekend.

So we had to hop on.

Just wanted to pop on and say hello to the swirly.

You know, you're sitting a little far away from me, a little not centered.

If you want to just come a little closer.

I'm making up for yesterday where we were at each other's buttholes.

We were.

So also, Bruno is like Bruno and I are one mass.

Yeah.

Together, we are centered.

You know, like, if you wanted to come more into frame, like, I don't think anybody would be upset, myself included.

It's fine.

You could come a little closer, but I won't bother you.

I could.

I could.

I wouldn't bother you about that.

So we've got a great show today.

Like Jack said, it's Wednesday.

So it's the last time you're going to be hearing from us before the holiday weekend.

You know, we love a holiday weekend.

We are taking July 4th and 5th off.

I think the whole country is.

That's what happens when you get a holiday on a Thursday.

I don't think we're being unreasonable.

No.

What are we supposed to come back to work on Friday when we've just been holidaying?

Right.

But we will be back on Monday.

So you can count on, you can't count on a lot of things in this life, but you can't count on us taking the holiday weekend off, but being back on Monday, we always come back.

Yeah.

So I'm looking forward to the holiday weekend.

We've also got just like a busy day today in terms of the schedule of events.

We've got toast.

We've got Fast Five.

We've got Dear Toasters because it is Wednesday.

We've got Bruno.

We've got a lot.

Brewie, bada da da da da da.

Brewie.

That's like a kid's song jingle that I'm just like, much like Amanda Knox.

Bluey is the Amanda Knox.

I just kind of missed it.

I don't know the song.

I don't know the character.

It's not that you missed it.

It's past your time.

It's of this generation.

No, no, I mean, like, of your kids.

Like, yeah.

I know all their songs.

I learned them.

I sing to them.

I don't know Blue.

No, it's just the theme song of Bluey.

That's all that is.

Bada da da da da.

Mom.

Dada da da da da.

Dad.

I see we're lowering the bar.

So I just do bad da da da da.

Brewie.

That's all.

Brew is an angel.

He loves me.

It's been so amazing spending some time with him.

Swirly summer, like we keep saying, I think I've said this like 11 times.

Like swirly summer is about to begin when you came to New York, when we first started the live shows, yesterday's episode.

But now.

No, I feel like Monday.

Wow, you think Swirly Summer has about to be aware of it?

I feel like this is still a trial run for swirly summer.

I do.

Yeah, because the lighting is not flattering.

And they're, but we're just going to see.

Also, like, as I said, I'm feeling sick.

Like, it's not my most like razzle dazzle sort of day.

I only did cream makeups.

Like, I didn't dabble in powders.

Oh, that's kind of brave sitting under a brave light.

Although I want to say in person, you are radiant.

Like, when I was doing my makeup, I was like, it's giving Jaclyn Hill.

However,

it might, you might show up like a disco ball on the podcast.

I don't mind being a disco ball.

Like, when people are like, oh, do you get oily ones?

Bring it on.

Oh, shine.

Like, to me, shiny is only a good association.

Da da da da da da da.

Shiny.

I have no qualms about being shiny.

Like my fears are being crusty, musty, dusty, and looking like I fell out of a coconut tree.

And one thing about Jackie and I is that we did just fall out of a coconut tree, but we also exist in the context of what we live and all in what that came before us.

So please don't forget that very important message on this Independence Day Eve.

But today is giving coconut tree.

Jaggy.

However, the inside of the coconut, you know, the creaminess.

Not going back.

The glaze.

Not the glaze.

So I didn't do powdered makeup today.

Also, to say, like, swirly summer can't start without powdered bronzer.

It's so true.

We'll see you on Monday.

Although I am wearing enough powdered bronzer for like all everyone living in this house.

It looks like that's all you're wearing.

Like you,

you're wearing a light beat as well.

I am wearing a light beat.

Well, because Jackie was sick, we almost didn't do a video, but I was like, I did not rent all this equipment for us to miss out on a video.

So she was like, we should just do it in R PJs, no makeup.

I'm like, that goes against my code of ethics.

I would have, and oh, and I do want to say, like, don't expect like looks to be churned out from me this summer.

Like, I've kind of made a commitment to not blow out my hair on the weekdays.

If I go out somewhere on the weekend, like if I'm going to surf lodge, okay, I'll brush my hair.

But I will not be blowing out my hair.

I will not be wearing mascara.

Like, this is, this summer is also for me, you know, like it's restorative and I need my hair to like sort of come back to itself.

Yeah.

So I will not be putting heat on my hair.

I will not be putting mascara on these eyelashes.

And like, I don't want to hear a word about it.

Okay.

Well, my hair

will be like somewhat done.

I only wash my hair twice a week.

It's like not that big of a deal but like i'm gonna be swimming and going for runs you know i went swimming yesterday i went for a run you also have nice natural hair like if you actually didn't then you wouldn't be talking this way you wouldn't be talking this trash oh wow okay

oh wow okay oh how brave you're wearing your natural gorgeous beach waves out thank you by the way she's so strong i like the most us thing happened yesterday I was up here.

The box finally came.

I was getting everything set up with Ben.

And the second, like, it took, it took a while.

The second we got everything working, everything looking good, Ben had to record good, guys.

So I had to literally like move everything around for a solo camera, solo microphone.

And I was like, if something goes wrong today, it is 1000% Ben's fault.

100%.

I feel like we can feel really good knowing that.

But what actually has to be different doesn't mean just sit in the center of the couch.

No, I had it like this way, just one, because it was nighttime, the lighting was different.

It was, it was very complicated.

That's very complicated.

Sort of IT department tings.

That's very frustrating and frightful.

But also just classic.

So if you do end up listening to this episode, like that means everything somewhat went normally and just, you should just take a moment to be grateful because I will be once we're done and I get these cards loaded off, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I'm also feeling grateful because swirly summer is about to be almost

almost.

Any day now.

I hear rumors that swirly summer is swirly summer is kind of like the messiah.

Yeah.

It's giving a shiach.

Like it's coming.

But when?

It's kind of giving like wiggin the movie.

Like potentially.

Potentially tomorrow.

It's coming.

Potentially not.

It's coming.

I really feel like Monday is going to be so swirly.

Yeah, but who knows what will happen to us this weekend.

I hope by Monday, you might be sick with what I have right now.

No, so I have been staying away from you and from Charlie, like not to be rude because I love you guys so much.

But like, I really don't want to get sick.

I'm just hoping that this is the worst of it.

Like it doesn't go downhill from here.

And I do feel a little better than when I woke up this morning.

So that could also be like the 800 milligram Advil that I took.

But

we'll see.

Like I really can't be like tomorrow's 4th of July.

I cannot be sick on the 4th of July.

Which would be downright un-American.

It would be.

It would be so not patriotic, which is so not swirly.

Oh, because swirly, a cornerstone of swirliness is a deep sense of pride and patriotism.

A cornerstone of the swirly tenants.

We need to kind of have like swirly

tablets made, like in the Bible.

The 10 swirliest commandments.

You are kind of like in this scenario, and this might be sacrilegious, but like.

You are totally God in that situation and I'm Moses.

Like, you tell me what to do and I tell the world.

Oh, for sure.

You're my megaphone.

it's like i'll make a funny joke but like no one heard it and you say and i'm not even max i'm like great and needed a microphone i'm getting a voice to the voiceless it's so true i've also realized something about myself recently that i'm not fighting anymore and like unless barring like being angry and i rate and like just flying off the handle which i hope you're happy for

i do not and will not like speak louder than i speak like if i have to get someone's attention she's shutting down no like sometimes someone's like over there and i have to get their attention And I, I can't go any louder than this.

And I'm done trying.

Oh, that's.

Sometimes Zach will tell me to talk louder to someone.

And I'm, I'm like, sir, I'm at my limit.

Really?

I don't talk louder than this, like, unless you, unless I get, you know, extenuating circumstances.

Like I said, because I can yell.

But like, if I need to, like, hey, you over there, stop.

Yeah.

No.

That's sort of where I thrive, you know, is like getting people's attention.

Yeah.

I was somewhere recently where I needed to do like a toast type thing and get people silent to show, you know, to show everyone something.

And I was like, hey, everyone.

Hey, how?

And someone had to do it for me.

And it's something about me that I've stopped trying to fight.

Like, that's just, I operate

in your nature.

I operate at this decibel and volume, and I operate in the context of everything which came before me.

Well, I was going to ask, actually, if you are that way because you fell out of a coconut tree.

Do you think that had anything to do with it, falling out of a coconut tree at a young age?

Well, also existing in the context of all the which you came before.

Yeah.

I mean, it has to be a part of it, right?

I think it's all

connected.

It's all connected.

In the community.

Oh, my God.

And I know that that Kamala Harris quote is not new.

It went viral on TikTok.

You just showed it to me.

We cannot stop saying it.

It went viral on TikTok.

Seriously?

Three months ago.

You cannot stop watching it.

If you haven't seen it, which was me up until yesterday, like treat yourself and watch it.

Like it's so funny.

Kamala Harris actually has this like really beautiful rhythm to her voice.

Like,

and her laugh is, it's infectious.

Like, she's always laughing at something.

Did you just fell out of a coconut tree?

Oh, my God.

It literally warms my soul.

And we have not, literally not been able to stop saying you just fell out of a coconut tree for the last 12 hours.

I showed it to Jackie last night.

We've said it no less than 50 times.

I just feel like it's really emblematic of where we're at right now, where it feels like everything and everyone has fallen out of a coconut tree.

Yeah, no, and by the way, here's the question:

Has everyone else fallen out of a coconut tree or have just we fallen out?

Because that's what it feels like.

By the way, you guys can't hear, but she's laughing.

It's, I'm not like Kamala.

I don't have a cat.

You and Kamalu don't have that in common, actually.

No, no.

But you did both fall out of a coconut tree.

So, well, also, I think we have to hold space for teaching truths.

Falling out of a coconut tree.

Can you play the audio for everyone?

Can I play the audio?

It's like saved in our texts.

Yes.

I know what you're going to say.

Just in case there's like one poor soul out there who hasn't heard it, like you need to hear this quote.

It's, it's gold.

You think you just fell out of a coconut tree?

You exist in the context

of all in which you live and what came before you.

Like, what?

Brilliant.

No, no, and it's brilliant.

And I know it went viral because people were like, this is a word salad.

Like, what the hell does this mean?

But those people didn't get it.

No.

We get it.

Of all, like, the thing is, she is the queen of word salads.

Like, she puts any

lot salad maker tailor farms to shame do not come here she goes viral a lot what was it in the passage of time it's so important because the passage of time it's so she has a couple of those moments it's so crazy it's so crazy i understand her though no and it's always salad where it's like actually giving nothing this is full of substance to me aristotle wishes he could understand human nature as deeply as that.

Maybe she was quoting a great philosopher.

Like, you think you just fell out of a coconut tree?

It's really her laughs that make it like perfect.

Well, yeah, she's the type, like, she'll laugh at her own jokes.

So, like, whether it hit or not doesn't matter, there's laughter.

Right, because there's always a party of one, like, preaching.

Yeah, I love that.

You have to be your biggest fan and your biggest cheerleader.

I mean, and if you don't, if you can, like, get a sister who will do it for you.

It is important that you be your biggest fan and your biggest cheerleader while also being your number one hater, like slash troll.

I think that's like actually a really good balance.

And I'm being serious now, for especially if you're like a person who creates content, like you need to hate everything you put out while also saying like it's the best thing ever because you need to have a sense of self-awareness, but you also in order to succeed in this life, like need to have this, you know, unfettered sense of like confidence and world domination, you know, like delusion almost.

That's what the hell was that?

That fell out of a coconut tree.

Something seriously, oh my God, this room, this podcast is haunted.

What the hell was that?

I don't know.

I feel like it was a coconut.

It was something that definitely exists in the context of what came before them and all in which it came before them.

Yeah.

So speaking of falling out of a coconut tree, I last night edited the new episode of The Redheads, which drops tomorrow.

And I hadn't known that quote yet of falling out of a coconut tree, but it's literally

the moral of the story.

I love that.

You think you just fell out of a coconut tree?

Like, no, you exist in the context of all of which that came before you because the book is all about like genetics.

Yeah.

And you most certainly did not fall out of a coconut tree.

None of us did.

All to say.

That's actually what she was saying.

Like, you think you're just here?

No, bitch.

Like, there's a lot.

It's giving, like, God.

It's giving belief in a higher power.

Oh, I took it.

It's like, it's giving science.

Oh, you think?

DNA.

Well, that's chromosomes.

Things in that, the big debate.

Things of that nature.

It's giving nature versus nurture.

It's giving God versus religion.

No,

science versus religion.

And I think, like Sheldon always says in Young Sheldon, the two can exist because, you know, he believes in science, but his mom believes in Jesus.

But he believes, he sees that.

No, you know what he says?

He says, I believe in mom.

That episode of the of Young Sheldon, I almost almost had the trust, actually made me cry when, like, his mom was having a crisis of faith.

They're sitting outside.

Something really bad happened.

Like a girl in the neighborhood, a young girl passed away.

Yeah.

And it caused his mom to have this like real doubt in the Lord.

Because how could a Lord who's so just and so merciful take away this young life?

And she said, you know, Shelly, I know you don't believe in it.

And maybe you're onto something.

He said, no, mom, there's got to be something out there because I may not believe in God, but I believe in moms.

He said, of all the moms.

He had a lot of million moms and permutations and combinations of me existing and you existing.

Like you're the perfect mom for me.

No, that literally, that's where the show got me.

Like I was like, this show is masterful.

It's a work of art.

It didn't fall out of a coconut tree.

No, neither did Shelly.

But this episode kind of did.

For sure.

We do have a lot to get to.

I think we're going to get to the point.

Should we put the coconut back on the tree?

No.

Jackie, it's kind of like you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube.

You cannot put the coconut back in the tree.

No, you cannot.

But we do have a lot to do.

How are the stories?

They're good.

They're strong.

It's like what everyone's talking about.

Okay, good.

I hope they're good because we were not going to be able to talk about anything until Monday.

So.

Yeah.

And then by Monday, I hope everyone starts falling out of coconut.

Large and gives us things in which to discuss.

That would be great if they gave us things in which to discuss.

I just hope that, like, you know, when we have like a hyper fixation, as the kids say, and then we start like talking like it, like, I can't let.

these Kamala clips like influence the way that I speak.

I hope that they do influence the way that I speak.

You know, like just adding words, like things in which to snack.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Things in which to snack.

So I'm going to try and keep it tight for the fast five stories that you need to know.

And the fast five stories that you need to know are brought to you, no surprise, by State Farm.

We know our toasters can agree that nothing feels better than a personal win, like when we get our final piece of furniture delivered to our apartment.

and your home truly feels complete or hitting a workout personal best during a run.

Jackie and I obviously are constantly raising the bar for each other.

I don't know if anybody knows, like I read a mile in nine minutes and 53 seconds the other day, which is a personal best for me.

And it's so important to celebrate wins in life, whether they're big, whether they're small, whether they're related to family, friends, faith, things of that nature.

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And there's a song I can't quite remember how it goes.

Oh, let me.

I know I fell out of a coconut tree, but I can't.

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Where can we get free things?

I said, Splash.

I'm living in a house exactly.

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I don't even know how much is coming.

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Thank you, Tur T.

What really can I say?

Except you're welcome.

Our first story, Travis Kelsey is going on New Heights, his podcast with his brother, Soto Scooter.

What's that like?

And he's talking about Night Three, Eras London, when he went on the stage, because the last podcast that they did, they recorded before night three eras london when he went up on the stage which i'm sure wasn't um on purpose that one weekend's events happened to be split into two episodes because they're not thirsty like that's gonna pod but it's great for advertisers it's great for podcast retention i think that's fabulous i love to see two you know another sibling podcast out here thriving i do love to see it so he says it was his idea to join tailored on stage in the london era's show

so he said i initially mentioned it to tay i was like how funny would it be if I just rolled out on one of the bikes during the 1989 era?

Like, literally me, if I'm ever friends with Taylor, I'm like, how funny would it be if I just sang a song with you?

She initially laughed at the idea and then asked, would you seriously be up for doing something like that?

He was game.

He said, I was like, what?

I would love to do that.

Are you kidding me?

I've seen the show enough.

Might as well to put me to work here.

I just wanted to say, sure enough, she found the perfect part of the show for me to come in.

I just want to say, I think that

the way that this happened, I could see it going so south.

Like if you have suspicions that the person you're with is like a little bit thirsty and then they sit like, what if I just fell out of a coconut tree and like got on stage with you?

You already had like a bad feeling about it.

It could raise a red flag.

Yeah.

I think, and Taylor's obviously like so suspicious of everyone and everything, like what they want from her.

So I think the fact that he said it really proves to like the genuine nature of like of who he is.

Because if he was like a little bit like, I don't know if maybe she was getting like icked out or a little worried about moochie vibes.

This would have set off like all the alarms.

For sure.

But even though he doesn't do what she does, when you think about it, like he's been on a stage in a stadium before, like he's used to that many thousands of fans cheering his name.

Like it's actually not that big of a deal for him in the context of all of which that came before him.

Okay, that's true.

But what if he fell out of a coconut channel?

I think certainly Travis Kelsey fell out of a coconut tree.

Otherwise, how do you explain him?

No, by the way.

Not only does he exist in the context of all of which came before him, he also fell out of a coconut tree.

1,000%.

So I agree with you.

It could be read wrong, but that's why they're such a great match.

And also just the unserious nature of him.

But also rising tides, rising shades.

Like it was good for Taylor, too.

Oh, for sure.

And of course, like, he was like, I want to go on the bicycle.

And like, she shot that down and said, like, he could injure a dancer, sure.

But I feel like then she really thought about where would be the best place to put him in the show.

And I haven't seen the show, but I imagine there are tons of like fun things.

But like, this was so artistic because like, I can do it with a broken heart, like smallest man who ever lived.

And mental health travesties.

Like, she literally put them, him in the context in which all that came before him and after him like for real yeah for real and so i think for her it was very poetic and artistic and for him he's like i just did a dance it's true yeah like him showing up in blank space during the 1989 era like makes no sense in the context of all of which that came before him but um like we're telling a story here right like our story is the story of taylor swift's life so him being in the ttp like it all it's perfect it was seriously poetic and i'm glad that it was his idea because i think if she it could also be like hey do you want to come on stage and like you know make all my exes feel like the smallest man that ever lived.

That's also kind of like a weird vindictive look.

So the fact that it was a meeting of the minds really speaks to the health of the relationship.

Yeah.

It was, it was beautiful.

I love that we're reliving it again.

I enjoyed every minute and I loved to see

them talking about it on the podcast.

There was other stuff that came out from the podcast

that they had spoken about.

Something Jason said that had went kind of viral because he was obsessed with...

I saw he said something.

what was it jason said something

whatever it was it's um

taylor swift related like just one of his favorite songs or one of his favorite albums something

tattooed he got a tattoo what would it be no what what did he say i didn't click it oh um whatever all is that to say happy for them just like a tattoo me when i'm done with the conversation all is that to say i'm happy for them

That's us every single day.

Like that's us.

That's our transition of choice, like from story to story.

Sad story or something.

Someone who passed away.

Processing.

Anyway, happy for them.

Like, so great.

So great.

Are you ready for our next story?

Also, so great.

Uh-oh.

Sugi Waterhouse is on the cover of British Vogue.

She's so ready.

Talking about motherhood, talking about Robert, talking about music, talking about postpartum.

Talking about Robert.

all.

So a couple things.

First, she's talking about new motherhood, which of course is so fascinating.

She's talking about being 25 pounds heavier on the cover of Vogue.

And at first, she's like, I'm 25 pounds heavier than I normally am right now.

But then was like, who gives a fuck?

It is what it is.

She was talking about how she learned of the gender of her baby before she gave birth and called her mom and was just like, so excited.

What did she have?

She had a girl.

Okay.

And how, you know, motherhood's just been a shock to the system.

I love her.

Like, I really, really love her.

I've loved her for a long time.

And the fact that she is, and I say this every time we talk about her, so I'm sorry if it's repetitive.

The fact that she is married to the man of my dreams, like I'm actually really happy for her.

If it was anyone else, like I would be be jealous.

It does sound as dreamy as it looks.

That's that's tough to hear.

Because she talks about how they met and how like they first had like a nice encounter at a party and really clicked and got along, but like didn't get each other's numbers or whatever.

And then the next time that they saw each other, they reconnect.

reconnected.

But she also talked about her exes because she was asked about like singing songs about her exes.

Like, does that phase Robert?

Which is like a fair question.

She said he couldn't really give a shit.

He's like, no one's better than me.

So whatever.

So Edward Collin coded.

Like Edward Collin was not the jealous type, except with that freak Jacob.

And she also shared a rare comment about her split from Bradley Cooper, saying, I will say that I'm pretty strong at this point, but when something very public happens to you and the story behind it is dark and difficult, and you're actually not doing well and you can't explain yourself to the world, that's very isolating and disorienting.

It has probably taken a decade to work myself out and actually be able to have this expansion in my life.

I forget that, like, we were really introduced to her when she was dating Bradley Cooper.

That's how I like remember meeting her for the first time in a paparazzi photo.

That sounds sad.

Yeah.

I wonder what it is.

Yeah.

But yeah, I guess like what was the narrative at the time that just like these two people broke up?

I don't know.

And then did he go on to have kids?

Yes, with Irina.

Yeah.

Like almost immediately after.

I remember it was like a quick turnaround.

Tough.

Yeah.

And she said like what was going on behind the scenes was actually much worse.

Yeah.

Whatever, you know, everything happens for a reason because she's now married to the love of my life.

She's Mrs.

Edward Cullen.

And every detail we get about their relationship, usually from her, just puts, puts him in such a positive light.

Like really everything you would imagine Rob to be.

Yeah.

Yeah, I call him Rob.

Yeah.

That's so cute.

I love these two.

And I love that she's on the cover of Vogue.

British Vogue is so elevated.

No, it's not even like elevated.

It's just like they know who should be on the cover before you can even think it.

Like it's never the obvious choice, but it's someone who makes so much sense.

Whereas like Vogue U.S.

is just like

recycled the same five people and acts like they're doing something new, then they say nothing.

And we don't like really learn about new people.

It's like such a good point.

Like, every time there's a British vocal room, I'm like, Yeah, I want to hear, like, what a fantastic, fabulous person who now, like, they've also catapulted to like that A-list level.

Yes.

Where I'm like, oh, and now Suki Waterhouse is in vogue, and Suki Waterhouse should be in vogue.

I would like to, I'm just looking at who were the most recent Jill Biden America, but like before that, I'm talking about like celebs.

Okay, nominated.

No, but that's like their celebs.

Yeah.

Oh, but they did post Olivia Culpo in feed on Vogue magazine, like regular.

Beautiful.

No, that's a good point about, I feel like every time we talk about the

cover stars of British Vogue or just like things British Vogue is doing, it's like, it's on point.

It's like really chic and elevated.

I think, seriously, every month we have a story about who's on the cover of British Vogue and what they're saying because it's interesting.

Because it's interesting.

And maybe that just points to like British celebrities being more interesting.

Like celebrities from Britain.

No, I don't think so.

I think it speaks to

Edward being greater than Anna.

Edward.

Yes.

Edward Enifel, you mean?

Not Edward Cullen.

No, Edward Cullen.

Even though I don't even know if he's still there, but obviously his impact is still lasting.

Lasting.

I'm trying to look at the last British Vogue cover because I'm certain that we spoke about it.

Yeah, I feel like, was it Sophie Turner?

She did something with British Vogue this year.

She did.

I think that was it.

Yeah.

And we were talking about, she was talking about Jay Sisters.

Yeah.

Jay Sisters, yes.

Well, that's actually a great segue to our next story if you're ready.

I'm ready.

I guess we'll get ready just to like make the segue work.

Because Sophie Turner was spotted out and about with her aristocratic boyfriend who doesn't need a wagon of freestyle.

Who does not.

He's an aristocrat, period the sentence ends there she got a piggyback ride from her boyfriend parent green pearson comma aristocrat at a polo match like it's all just so british i could not be happy for her every time i see like a paparazzi picture of them i think first of all they always look like they're having fun like the last time we saw a picture of them they were in like capri or something smoking cigarettes like clearly day drinking now they're like frolicking in a field i feel like you never get paparazzi pictures of any like people are always just like walking yeah and i also feel like the first pictures that we ever got of them were like kind of like unserious and i just assumed that it wasn't like an actual boyfriend.

Yeah.

But every time they're out together, they're doing something like more and more legit.

They look more and more in sync like a couple.

And then the more time they spend together, the proof is in the pudding.

So I think this is really great.

I feel like this is a rebound relationship that really, you know,

hit.

Yeah, like maybe it's not a rebound.

No, I don't think it's a re like in the beginning it was just giving rebound because you know, that's what happens.

But now it's not.

We've crossed the Rubicon.

It's tough to get into another relationship.

And not fall out of a coconut tree.

No, no, never.

It's tough to get out of a relationship when your past one was so public and beloved.

Like really, like the whole Jay Sisters thing.

I think people loved these two together, especially at the height of like Jonas Brothers coming back, final season of Game of Thrones.

Like it was really this peak for both of them career-wise, but then also in terms of like public adoration.

And when it goes south, like as badly as it did.

And you get into another relationship.

It's like, well, how is how are people going to react?

And I think that this was really an inspired choice.

Not that I think think that's why she made the choice to date someone like a nobleman who's like fame, not famous, but wealthy and well-known.

No, but I think a lot of times when you get out of a relationship, you're like kind of looking for the opposite and also like looking to course correct on the things that you didn't like about the person.

So it might have been the fame and having the whole world in their relationship.

And some a lot of people are Team Joe.

Yeah.

Joe's their boyfriend.

Yeah.

And she just like wants someone who's nobody's boyfriend except hers.

Yeah, which is nice.

Yeah.

Also, here's a picture of them like at an event.

I'm obsessed.

Like this is one of the few non-paparazzi photos of the game.

So it just looks like two people, like a boyfriend and a girlfriend taking a picture.

Yeah.

What event?

It was the Stanley Shoes Year of the Dragon celebration at Dixie Queen on February 10th, 2024.

Thank you so much for all those details.

Yeah.

I, like, I love her.

I have always loved her.

I will always love her.

And so I want peace and joy.

I feel like, you know, When you're a woman of a certain celebrity, there's so many different people you can date, right?

And I think in the beginning it's fun and you want to date like the rock star, of course.

But there's something to be said about this, about

Elliot Grange, the Viscount in waiting.

The wealthy, well-known, but not famous, you know, like obviously Elliot Grange is a perfect example.

Very influential in the industry.

Lots of, you know, connects.

His dad is something, a chairman of a big music label.

Like perfect.

Yeah.

Literally perfect.

You couldn't dream up a better man.

Well, Peregrine is the heir to the Cowdre estate and will become the fifth Viscount Cowdre after his father's death.

so in the british nobility system a viscount is ranked above a baron but below an earl marquess and duke so she'll be the viscount so she'll be less than that um girl from ladies of london no she'll be a viscountess she'll be the same she that girl was an earl

what's what's a female earl julie what was her name julie quirk

julie

julie montagu yeah wasn't her the earl of sandwich

but she was the viscess and then her husband

yeah you're right viscountess in america american Viscountess.

That lady from Ladies of London, she married someone who's related to the Earl of Sandwich.

And she has like a palace.

She became the Earl of Sandwich.

So when you're married to an Earl, you become.

That's a great question.

When you are married to an Earl name,

who are you?

I fucked it up.

Countess.

The wife of an Earl is a styled countess.

But what about Count?

And also, then who's the Viscountess?

And when you're married to the Viscount.

Viscount and Viscountesses, Baron and Baroness.

Marquess

and Marquesse.

King Queen, obviously.

This thing, this

website sucks, Englishmanner.org.

Get it together.

Why is the wife of an earl called a countess?

Thank you.

I love Cora.

Because it is.

That's basically the answer.

Okay, so like deal with it.

Yeah.

Stop asking questions.

I get what I want.

And this winter break, I want Jordan.

Understood.

Deal with it.

Are you ready for our next story?

It's our fourth story.

Yeah.

Lily Allen launches an OnlyFan account for her feet.

Yeah, and I feel like this isn't the most interesting thing about Lily Allen.

What is the most interesting thing?

Is that her brother is Theon Grayjoy?

Yes.

Yeah.

So Alfie Allen.

This is the second most interesting.

Yeah.

And it's like she can keep doing like PR stunts or whatever, but nothing will ever be as interesting as the fact that her brother was Theon Grayjoy.

I want to see Theon's feet.

Yeah.

And where were you?

Seriously, I asked the audience, but also you.

Where were you when you found out that Theon Grayjoy in real life was sisters with Lily Allen, the singer of the iconic song?

Fuck you.

Fuck you very, very much.

I feel like

I was always seeing his name in the credits.

So it wasn't a leap.

I feel like for me, I found out like right here.

Right now.

Right when I fell out of the coconut tree.

Of course.

She just caused me to take a tumble out of the coconut tree.

That was the last branch.

Literally.

Well, she is selling pictures of her feet on OnlyFans.

She has a username called Lily Allen, FTSC 500, and she's making pictures of her feet and toes available for just a hair over $10 a month.

She abandoned it.

And is this like a promotional thing?

Is this like a, she's fallen on a hard times thing?

Like, what is it?

Because she fell out of a coconut tree.

Yeah.

What was the reason?

So

she joined in June, but news has only gotten out now.

She's posted six videos and four photos.

No word on how many subscribers she has, but so far the account is 296 likes.

But as we said, like people didn't really know it was her, so maybe that will boom.

She promoted her latest post on her Instagram story entitled It La Dolce Fida.

That's a great caption.

The move comes not long after she joked on a June 30th podcast.

Oh, she is a podcast.

So like, I feel like

dire straits.

Dire straits.

Okay.

She said that she can make a lot of money selling foot content after the foot fetish website.

Wikifeet gave her a five-star rating.

So I think it's like a little bit of a bit, but also now she's in the business of content creation.

And like you have to get creative.

I mean, the podcast to OnlyFans pipeline isn't,

you know, it's a small pipe.

It's an extremely small pipe.

So

I'm guessing this isn't like some promotional thing for a new album.

Like sometimes people do that.

They're like, she joined OnlyFans, but it's actually everyone who joins gets a listen of her new check.

When is Katy Perry's song coming out?

Like, I'm ready for it tomorrow.

See her in court.

Oh, right, right.

Camera Mascotta.

What day of the week is your birthday?

Wednesday.

So maybe it's July 12th.

New music Friday.

Yeah.

Maybe July 11th at midnight.

Or maybe my birthday's on a Thursday.

Like, don't count on it.

Don't count out the countess.

Don't count out the countess.

What are we doing for my birthday?

Well,

no, you were right.

My opinion hasn't changed.

Oh, my birthday is a week from today.

I've been like so low-key about it because I'm not like other girls.

I don't really care about my birthday, you know?

Until three days before, and then it's like, why is everyone leaving town?

It's my birthday.

No, no, no.

I'm working on making us a dinner reservation.

Like, really, nothing crazy.

Yum.

Yeah, I love dinner.

Dinner, dinner.

Well, I just, I want to go, I think it goes without saying that while my energy for my birthday

has changed,

my requirement for gifts has not.

Like, just because I'm being like a low-key birthday doesn't mean like I want, you know, like a low-key like t-shirt or something.

I didn't think that you didn't.

Okay.

I know my swirl.

Also, um, the t-shirt that says Chisimosa on it somehow made its way into my suitcase.

Yeah.

Did you do that?

I sent, no, not to your suitcase, but I sent it to you because I was sending you a box of wares.

Well, I made its way to the Hampton, so I'll have to wear it on the the toes one day.

Right.

Because that's what we do.

You wanted it.

If we ever were to rebrand, like, and we had to change complete, like, directions completely.

The toes.

Yeah.

El chisme.

Vola chisme.

No.

Like, no.

Las chismasas?

Like, no, if you're asking in earnest.

I am asking in earnest.

I think it would be like Last Coconuts.

I think it would be called Two Girls Who Just Fell Out of a Coconut Tree.

Who also exists in the contest in all in which I came before them.

Correct.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

No.

No.

Okay, now she's not.

Is it our fifth and final story that's brought to you by My Lady Jane, the new show on Prime Video, perhaps?

It is.

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Our fifth and final story.

Paul Mezcow was caught on video seemingly doing drugs at Glastonbury Music Festival.

What?

What kind?

Cocaine?

Yeah, like suck.

Seemingly, like it was Key Bag Nose.

Wait.

Keybag Nose.

I'm running to Twitter.

I will show you.

I think I saw.

Wait, I might have seen this.

Oh, sorry.

Sorry.

My Kamala Harris video.

My Kamala Harris video.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

i'm obsessed okay tell you read i'll watch so palm as cal appeared to indulge in an illegal substance while partying at the glastonberry music festival the gladiator two star was seen in a video obtained by the sun on monday dipping his finger into a small bag and then putting it up to his nose to take a sniff A source, an eyewitness said, Paul looks like he used a key to scoop some substance out of a bag, which he lifted to his nose and sniffed.

He did it once, then he dipped the key back into the bag and lifted it to his nose and sniffed again.

The source further claimed Paul didn't seem to care if anybody could see him.

He was dancing and laughing with his friends.

He appeared unaware that he was being filmed at the time.

He was listening to the Nationals set.

I feel like the Nationals, like not really the type of music you do cocaine to, but I'm getting, you know, lost in the, in the unimportant details.

Wow.

One of my favorite like tropes in pop culture is celebrities being caught doing drugs.

Obviously, there's that iconic photo of Cara Delavine looking for her keys in her bag.

And when she pulls out her keys, so does a bag of cocaine and it goes flying.

There is a video, I believe, of Halsey on a yacht doing cocaine.

It is seriously one of my favorite things.

Like, and growing up is realizing like everybody does cocaine, like celebrities, it's like not a big deal.

So Palmezcal is just a celebrity.

No, of course, it's a terrible drug.

Like it fries your brain.

I'm sure.

But it's not as uncommon.

I know what you meant.

Yes, no, but thank you.

And that sounded like what you were saying, like drugs.

No, sorry.

Thank you for clarifying.

Yeah.

It's not as uncommon as one might think.

Like, I guess like no drugs are uncommon now.

Like, I feel like, you know, heroin became super popular because it became really cheap.

It wasn't like this thing, like only only crazy addicts were doing.

Like, people do heroin, like, it's crazy.

Yeah.

So, all that to say, Paul Mezcal's just like a regular celebrity.

He does cocaine.

He's a regular guy at a music festival.

But I also think in the past, this could be something that would like really derail someone's career.

But I feel like now it's like: is you doing drugs congruous with who you purport to be?

Right.

Paul Mezcow?

Yes.

Yeah.

It's like, it's not surprising.

It's not, it's not incongruous with the public image we already have of him.

Cara Delavine.

Yes.

Yes.

Halsey.

Yes.

You know, if you started getting like

Jojo Siwa.

Well, these days, it's all Jojo Decker.

She's taken herself out of the box and she's fallen out of the coconut tree.

For sure with her cigarettes and her cocaine.

Yeah.

The cigarettes were the least of it.

But I can't remember the last time a celebrity got caught doing drugs and it was really damaging for them because it goes against like maybe they're they purport to be a role model for kids.

Like that's or they do no drugs, say no to drug campaigns.

Yeah.

The only thing is that with actors, and I feel like I learned this from Entourage,

when you get cast in any movie like that movie needs insurance.

And I think if there's like a lot of like evidence of you doing drugs, like you're difficult to ensure because you're considered like unstable.

Well, he's going to be in Gladiator 2, which I didn't even know.

Written in a movie like Gladiator 2, which is like very action-oriented, requires a lot of insurance.

It requires a lot of cocaine.

And a lot of coconut trees.

Does the cocaine come from the coconut that fell off the tree?

Sound off in the comments.

Well, if Paul Mezz Castle went falling out of the tree, yeah.

Yeah.

This episode is just Coco Loco.

We are like obsessed with cocaine and coconuts.

You know that Instagram girly?

She's a podcaster.

I mean, she's a toaster.

Champagne and Chanel.

Yeah.

We're coconuts and cocaine.

Yeah.

I think cocaine and coconuts.

Yeah, it sounds better.

Yeah.

Not to like bring her into like our conversation about drugs.

Sorry, that was inappropriate.

Someone who like if we found out if we saw a video of her doing drugs, I would be extremely shocked.

Yeah.

And I do feel like if it was an influencer, maybe because influencers get their platform and everything by being like, really

real and like you share your whole life.

So, like, if you're doing drugs and you're not and we catch you out, it's a bad look for you.

Because I really do feel like I can't think of someone who this is even a big deal for anymore.

Yeah, but that's, I think, the culture evolving.

It would be a big deal, yeah.

But that's also just people being hard on influencers, once again, so tough female-dominated industry,

yeah.

But then you get a wagon of free stuff, and it's like, you know what?

Okay, drag me.

I'll take the good and the bad.

Drag me with this wagon.

Drag me.

I have a whole box of Lave City Cookwa.

Right.

Drag me.

My Thread Market just arrived.

Drag me.

I'll be drinking Splash.

Literally.

Drag me while I'm watching My Lady Jane on Prime video.

Drag me while I'm watching My Lady Jane curled up with my Minky Couture blanket.

In a home that's insured by state farm.

Yeah.

Drag me, okay?

Drag me.

I like.

Where's that from?

I don't know.

Matilda, yell at me, okay?

Oh, so she didn't say drag me.

No.

So thinking about it.

No, because it's from the 90s.

Well, we are not done, even though Palm Escal's career might be.

That remains to be not.

It's not.

It's not.

This isn't even headline news.

This was the fifth and final story for a reason.

It's just nothing, burger.

Every Wednesday, Jackie and I like to round up the show with a little segment we like to call Dear Toasters.

It's a weekly advice segment where you can get advice from us.

And Bruno.

If you've ever thought, like, damn, I wonder what Jackson Claude would think of this, you have an opportunity every week to hear that.

So you can email us your issue if you're having one, dear toasters at gmail.com or head over to our website, the toastpodcast.com.

Submit it anonymously.

We'll never, you know, put your name out there.

Don't worry about that.

Hey, Swirlies, I've been married for almost eight years.

We have two kids.

The other night, night, my husband said next time he gets a bonus, he's going to give me $200 to upgrade my quote sleeping underwear.

For context, during the day I wear thongs, but at night I like to wear really big panties.

I actually felt offended and explained why my body, my booty, excuse me, needs full coverage for a good night's sleep.

In his defense, he did say that full coverage is fine, but maybe just a cuter pattern.

Also, in full transparency, I'm still using my full coverage postpartum Mondays and my son is seven months old.

Also to say, am I right to be offended?

Do I just take the $200, make the man happy with some new underwear?

Take the $200 and buy more of the granny panties.

Like, seriously, fuck fuck this guy.

I can't believe you have a seven-month-old and you're wearing thongs during the day.

Jackie, when I read this and I said, You wear thongs during the day, I said, Oh, you're a different breed of woman.

You're a hero and, like, you did not fall out of a coconut tree.

Like, it was very intentional.

No, but it sounds like your man needs to fall out of a coconut tree.

I'm really getting, like, and this happens a lot with sear toasters.

Like, the things we let men get away with are so, especially as women who have recently had children.

Yeah.

The things we let men get away with is so absurd.

And the fact that we're even thinking, like, do I just like tell him, like, just to shut him up?

Go, you take that money and you buy a big bag of cocaine

no you buy like seriously buy whatever the fuck you want like i'm really getting tired of like making arrangements for these mentally ills yeah like take the money and run do not start sleeping in sexier underwear buy bigger ones who cares yeah and get a mu moo too while you're at it like seriously it's really bad for somebody controllers and like let them know what it could be it's like the the we've lowered the bar so much and i'm sorry and i think and we all did that to make our lives easier are you Brad Pitt?

Like, are you a perfect specimen of a man?

Probably

not.

You take the $200 and you go out and buy all the things that your man really needs, like an ear trimmer, a note, like whatever it is that he needs that bothers you, but you would never say anything because you're a decent human being and you love him for who he is.

Yeah.

Take the money and buy.

all the things that he really needs to get, you know, more attractive.

Fight fire with fire.

However, I want you to use that $200 for yourself, not for him still.

Yeah, go get a massage.

That's the cost of a good massage these days.

Yeah.

Enjoy.

you need to like really stick it to him like this isn't a red flag or anything but he's obviously just got a little out of control he's got uncomfortable and he needs to get comfortable being uncomfortable he needs to get comfortable knowing that he's so wrong for this and like as somebody who wears granny panties and i i i can say this with complete honesty i have never

ever left my home or even inside my home.

I've never, I've put it on, but I've never worn it for more than three minutes, a thong.

I am not built like that.

And I have no interest in already being more uncomfortable than I already am, just like being alive.

And the fact that you do that on a daily basis, like you're obviously a very sexy person.

Yeah.

It's insane to me that he could have anything to say and you deserve better.

So go get a massage.

Dear Jackson Claude, SOS, I'm currently writing to you from a seven-day vacation with my boyfriend's family.

Before the trip, my boyfriend refrained from telling me from how insane his family is.

I'm talking constant arguing, fighting, being passive-aggressive, talking behind each other's backs.

They've even brought me into the drama and I feel so uncomfortable.

I don't want to seem ungrateful since they invited me on the trip, but I truly had no clue that this family had such messy dynamics before this and it's extremely uncomfortable.

There's four days left on the trip.

How do I get through it?

Well,

you'll get through it and honestly just find the comedy in it.

But then is this going to be a larger issue?

You know?

Yeah.

Like it's good to know that like if you do marry into this family, this is what you're getting into.

And so if you want to stay out of it, like you have to actively work to stay out of it.

I'm not worried about the trip right now.

Yeah, no, but go to the spa, go to the gym.

No, it's also important to remember, like, this is like a big deal for them and for you.

So this is like kind of them on their best behavior.

That's really scary because they're showing you like what they think is a good version of themselves.

Yeah.

And like, how much do you like this guy?

Yeah, because family is forever.

But in terms of actually tangible things that you can do on this trip, Jackie's right.

Like take long walks, do things with your man.

Be like, oh, we're going to, just tell your man to tell your family, like, oh, we're going to get to dinner tonight, just the two of us.

Like, go for long walks, go to the gym, go to the spa.

There's a million things to do at a hotel.

That's the whole point.

And also, like, 11 days with anyone is a very long time and so if say in the off season like they're fine and they don't affect your life and they maybe live like far away like yeah not worth like breaking up it doesn't affect your day to day then just know going forward like we have a three a weekend maximum allotment of time with them for a trip like maybe not do 11 days again yeah no seven days no but you have four more

No, I think she's three days into the trip.

Three plus four equals seven.

Oh, oh.

That's like so seven's still too much.

Of course.

It should be three because you'd be going home now and moving on from it.

Instead, you had to write into us like when you hit your breaking.

well hopefully that was a good use of your time writing into us like you just need to kind of get through this trip like let's yeah spend some time by yourself doing like non-offensive things oh where's caitlin whatever your name is oh she just went you know for a run she went swimming like she went to she booked a swimming with dolphins internet cafe like yeah she's in the business center like utilize all the amenities that the hotel has to offer.

Yes.

And if that doesn't work, just throw yourself out of a coconut tree.

Yeah.

Or go find a coconut tree and hope one comes and hits you on the head and you get knocked out for the last three days.

No, our advice to everybody this week, just go find a coconut tree.

Find the nearest coconut tree and I'll hurt you all.

Okay, ready for the third and final?

A little bit more serious.

Hey, Swirlies, I love you dearly, and I need a bit of help from one set of sisters to another.

I'm a twin, and my sister and I are incredibly close.

We have a great relationship.

I'm an elder millennial, so I was recently told by someone about how Facebook messages can go into like a spam folder.

Do you know that?

Like requests?

Yeah.

So if you aren't friends with someone or the algorithm thinks it's spam, whatever.

I checked my own folder out of curiosity when I heard this and I found something that made me wish I never looked.

Some random person sent me incriminating information about my sister's husband that he cheated on her.

The message was from a long time ago and I think it was sent to me on accident because she thought I was the twin.

Like she thought it was my sister.

She thought she was sending it to the other twin.

I have no idea what I should do with this information.

I have the biggest pit about it.

I don't know if I should tell her or keep this information to myself.

Please help.

I wonder how long ago it was.

Like at what point does this

get past the statue of limitations?

Yeah, like I'm leaning towards five years.

Yeah.

And like, were they dating?

Were they engaged?

Like, I'm leaning towards you not mentioning it

and yeah no that's like a big thing to keep from your twin i know but like

not to you know if i heard something now it's about something that ben did like so long ago and there's while we were married married no like dating

dating different married though let's say it's while she was married And I've never heard any inkling from you that there's any, like that this is a potential issue or something that you have to worry about.

Like if she does sometimes feel worried about like his whereabouts or whatever, then like you should give her this piece of evidence.

But if it's never been an issue and like maybe it was a one-time thing or something that like he does, it's not an issue.

Like I wouldn't make it an issue now unless it's context is key and you have to like live it in the context of all of what checking before.

It's real.

Let me ask you a question.

What's worse?

To regret telling someone something or to regret not telling them something?

Because I think you have to weigh the risk versus the reward here.

Either your sister gets mad at you for telling or your sister gets mad at you for

it's not about sister getting mad at her.

I don't think her sister would, I'm not worried about that.

It's like disrupting your sister's peace, which might be a true and real peace over something that's ancient history and not a current present day issue.

We need more context on date.

I think if it's under four years, you can tell her.

If it's over five years, you should.

And if they were, if they were dating, forget it.

Married.

Married.

Yeah.

It's got a, yeah.

And also, do you, it's without saying, like, do you do diligence with this girl?

Like, make sure it's not a bot.

Like, make sure she has information that, like, without a doubt, prove her story is true.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, but don't follow back up with her.

No, no, don't leave a paper trail either.

Big mistake.

Huge.

Cause if you decide not to tell her, but then there's like literally evidence, screenshot evidence of you responding to this girl, then you're in trouble.

Don't be stupid.

Yeah.

This is kind of like advice for everyone, too.

Like, don't be stupid and fall out of a coconut tree.

I just, I don't think with what you're going to tell her on its own, that she would like leave him or anything.

So it would just like disrupt

everything.

But like, if one day she has her own suspicions, like, you could always use this as backup, and you could be like, I didn't want to tell you because I couldn't even know if it was true.

And, like, you guys, you never mentioned that you have any concerns, and like, it's literally irrelevant.

Objection relevance.

I think you more so would regret telling her at this moment than not telling her.

Because you could always, if you ever need to tell her, you could say, like,

why would I tell this to you?

Like, out of nothing.

And it's not like she's going to leave him because some rando on Facebook said like he cheated on you.

Like, no.

Right.

You and me got

a whole lot of history oh no

anyways happy for her

that's our show you guys our final episode of the week hope everybody has an amazing holiday weekend enjoy this independence day your independence day it's gonna be beautiful hope everybody has a nice big hot dog oh it makes me want a hot dog real bad and um

try to stay away from any coconut trees you never know what's gonna fall out so true look up

Look up.

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