An Earnest Plea: Monday, June 10th, 2024

Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the toast and a happy Monday.

You know?

Yes, but it's a necessary step on our way to summer, law.

It's a necessary step on our way to summer, law.

Even thinking small picture, it's our necessary step on the way to the latter half of the week, on the way to the weekend.

Yeah, you know, you have to start somewhere, and Monday's a really good place to start, you know?

Romeo's in studio, Jackson Clurd are back in their remote setup.

Yeah, that's right.

I have fled the southern border, and I'm back, back, back in the New York groove.

How's Romeo?

What brings him to the studio today?

He just got that work bug.

He was just like mulling around the house looking bored.

And, you know, there came a time in Theo's life where he came to work with me every single day.

And I thought maybe, let's see how it goes.

You know, when I podcasted on Friday with Romeo in your studio, your physical studio is so small.

There's nowhere he can go or hide or pee or poop that I can't see.

This place, we've got nooks, crannies, a kitchen tables.

Like, we've got a lot going on here.

More than a pee and a poop.

Romeo is a chewer.

Yeah, he can chew through these cords.

A cord is extra chewy for a row.

Yeah.

That's a problem.

No, and this place, like, I actually have been meaning to go through some of the equipment we have lying around because a lot of it's old.

Like, we've got curds for days.

Yeah.

Well curds is cards.

Cords.

Curty cords.

Cord Overstreet.

Oh my God.

Thank you.

Like Cord Overstreet walked so Glenn Powell could run.

You know what?

I actually completely agree.

And I love that you brought that up.

And I think that the two of them are really good friends.

And I think that they would agree with that too, you know?

Were they in something together?

Why do I associate them as each other?

Because they're like best friends.

I don't know if they were in anything together.

I just like have an association.

Well, you better associate with

the Corn and Glen Association.

I have an association

of misery with days like today.

Like it's just a Monday.

I had such a fabulous week at your house.

I miss you.

I miss the food.

I miss the family.

I'm happy to be home, of course.

There's nothing like sleeping in your own bed.

But it's not the same.

No, it's not.

But I hope you're holding on to the hope that we'll be together again soon.

Like now I just have to do like some admin, start packing, like really getting excited for the summer.

And at least that's on the horizon.

And last week was not even in the plan.

So we just have to be thankful for the time that we did have.

Like smile because it happened.

Don't cry because it's over.

That's just so not who I am.

I know.

I know, La, but it doesn't stop me from trying.

I wanted to ask you a question.

Okay, good thing we have an hour-long podcast to talk about whatever we want.

Jackie, do you know who Chapel Roan is?

No.

Okay, I just was like so curious if you knew who that was.

She's like a rising singer.

She's having a really big moment like on the talk, but I wasn't sure if it had penetrated beyond the talk.

Chapel Roan?

Like R-O-N-E?

R-O-A-N.

Okay, what kind of singer?

Well, she's the current opener for Olivia Rodrigo.

Okay.

And she's like a singer.

I don't know.

I actually don't know much about her.

I just like, I know this.

H-O-T-T-O-G-O.

Like I know that little dance.

But I only remark on it because this weekend was Governor's Ball, who knew?

And she was one of the performers and so was Sabrina Carpenter.

And I was just like laughing because it's literally like not to keep pitting women against women, but like between Olivia Rodrigo and Taylor Spiff, like beefing so hard, now they're openers.

They're kind of like both having a moment at the same time.

And I think a lot of people, like for me, I only heard about Chappell Rohn when she opened for Olivia Rodrigo.

Like that was like a, like an introduction to her for me.

And like for Sabrina Carpenter, I think a lot of people, you know, found out about Sabrina Carpenter because she opened for Taylor Swift.

She was just giggling about like the never-ending feud in my mind and also in reality.

Like

that's so interesting because to me, the feud is between Olivia and Sabrina.

Like Taylor, I don't think of Olivia and Taylor's feud as like the number one feud in Olivia's life.

I do.

So you might be right, but I'm just like, you know, I'm still here.

I'm still at skin listening to streaming skin by Sabrina Carpenter.

We know.

We literally know.

Actually, I think we need to start a list for you

of things that.

Like your favorite stories and like, or like favorite things like you like to remind people about.

And one of them is that you always liked skin, like before Sabrina had a moment.

I always liked Sabrina.

Yeah, but specifically like the bottom.

And I, yes, no.

And I feel like everyone just dismissed skin because it could never be driver's license.

No, they couldn't add this.

But they weren't listening.

Yeah.

Yo, you need to add it.

You need to, I can't self-list.

Oh, really?

But you're the keeper of the lists.

I know, but it's on you to hold me accountable.

And every time you like,

I can't stay up here.

Oh, so it's gone.

I can't make a list physically.

That's not.

You have not forgotten.

That isn't who I am.

Okay.

And no, I can't keep lists about myself.

I just, I feel like that's...

too self-involved.

Okay, well then we won't.

Bye-bye.

So I just really wanted to know if Jackie knew who Chapel Roan was.

Nope, never heard of her.

Her?

Yes.

Never heard.

In the middle of the night.

Doesn't mean, you know, doesn't mean anything.

Maybe I'll hear about her soon.

Maybe.

And I'll be glad that I did.

Maybe like one of her fan accounts will start an Instagram Reels account.

Perhaps, or maybe like Spotify will decide to platform this artist or that I, you know, based on the things I like, including Skin by Sabrina Carpenter, that I would like Chapel Roan.

Check it out.

It's kind of on Spotify to do what they do.

It's so true.

I mean, you can do that.

And surface new artists for me.

In that algorithm.

Yeah,

it's kept me going through the years.

Like, I am where I am in my music knowledge because of Spotify, and I like the music that I listen to.

Except I actually think, as we've stated, like, it's dropping off because I have nothing to listen to.

No, well, I like it.

And what's so crazy?

Here's what's so crazy.

Oh, my God.

Here's what's so sick.

How many years in a row has Luke Combs been my number one artist on Spotify?

Like, since he was born.

Every year he puts out an album, he's my number one.

I think Spotify can understand like he's my favorite artist.

So on Friday, I go to my release radar playlist.

That's all the new songs curated for me.

And his song wasn't number one.

Which one was?

I think like no offense, no shade, no hate, but like Keith Urban or something.

Like

I've never ran to Keith Urban's new music.

No, I don't think that I have either.

And I think it's a conspiracy.

You think the industry is actively working against Luke Homes?

Yeah, Luke Homes was number three.

So here are the industry plants that are being paid, the Spotify is paying off.

One, Keith Urban with Carly Scott Collins.

They wrote a song.

And two, Becky G,

Louisa Sansa.

I do love Becky G, but like, that's not.

No, nobody on the planet has a more eclectic taste in music than Jackie, Becky G

and Luke Combs.

Okay.

You can't put me in a box.

No, you truly cannot.

Yeah.

Okay, Latin Queen.

It's giving checkout.

It's giving tostada.

I have to say, I did my book signing yesterday

at Books and Books, and it was such a swirly affair.

Like it was just a gorgeous Sunday.

The bookstore is, it's a historic, it's a landmark building.

It was a really beautiful venue and the toasters just were out and about.

Everyone in their Sunday seamlas, like just looking so gorgeous and swirly.

And we really had a nice time.

But it was very much a tostada affair.

And all, of course, all the tostadas made themselves known, like sent their love to Claudia.

But they told me, they, oh yeah, there was major chisme going on.

Chisme going on.

They told me that I was looking muy fina.

What, it, skinny?

Oh, I wish.

No, like fine and elegant.

Honestly, better.

Say it again.

Yeah.

Fisa.

Fina.

F-I-N-A.

Like fine.

But it means like elegant and fina.

Okay, that's a good one.

That's a real one.

So while you're out there being a chismosa, I'm being Fina.

I'm definitely out there being a cheese mosa, that's for sure.

That's for darn sure.

Also, I'm sure you saw on my story, someone did me a homemade sourdough.

Oh, no.

I thought you were going to say somebody brought you a sweater that said cheesemosa on it, and I said, that's mine, right?

Yeah, it's a t-shirt.

You're welcome to have it.

So cute.

Well, actually, I packed a box of things that I needed to ship myself from your house.

So if you'll pick it up, just throw it in the box.

Oh, and someone also gave me something else for you.

I'll put it in the box.

Put it in the box.

Well, we're not going to put you in a box.

Hell's no.

Oh, I continued my journey of watching movies based on real events.

Zero Dark 30.

I watched Zero Dark 30 and Aaron Brockovich.

I'd never seen Aaron Brockovich, isn't that weird?

Neither.

And I don't know if maybe I'm like desensitized because I just watched like

Chernobyl.

I just felt like something crazier was going to happen.

Like the level, it wasn't enough corruption to be made a movie of considering.

No, and by the way, it was so crazy.

They were literally poisoning this entire town of people.

Like they all had two, like everyone in this town was just like sick.

And they just like, it was a part of life.

Like, oh yeah, she's got a tumor.

Like, everyone just has cancer.

And it turned out that, like, the local plant where a lot of the people in the town worked was poisoning all these people in the water.

So, like, their swimming pools, their baths, showers, drinking water, everything.

Um, I don't know.

I guess, like, at the time, maybe it was crazy, but I'm so used to bureaucracy.

I was just like, okay, classic bureaucracy.

What do you expect?

That's really sad.

No, it's so pathetic.

I also obviously wanted to watch it for the Tom Girardi of it all.

Who played Tom?

Okay, I wasn't like 100%

sure which character was supposed to be Tom.

It wasn't a Tom Girardi biopic?

No, and there was no, and everybody in the movie like had their regular names.

Like Aaron Brockovich's real name was Aaron Brockovich, this lawyer's name was like, and nobody had the name Tom.

They said he was like a different lawyer brought in when I researched to help on the case, which there was a character at the end of the movie who was like a different lawyer that they run.

I seriously like, I don't know who was Tom Girardi.

That's disappointing, especially like I know you were watching the whole thing like to get to Tom and then he's not even there.

No, and I'm like literally literally telling Ben all these fun facts that I know.

Well, I'm glad you now know the story of Aaron Brockovich.

That feels pertinent to the situation.

It does.

And like Julia Roberts like crushed it.

But then I watched Zero Dark 30, which I have a lot of thoughts on.

I know I'm like 100 years late because September 11th was 2001.

We killed Osama in like 2008 and it's 2024.

Nevertheless, it was like 2011 or 12?

Whatever.

Oh, yeah, Obama was president.

Nevertheless, I will recap my thoughts on these.

Do you remember where you were?

I'll recap my thoughts.

Where was I?

That's a good question.

That's like a moment you remember where you were.

I was in the library at college, and it's like a very open library.

Like

the fifth floor can see down to like the third floor and every, and it was like probably, I think it was Sunday night.

So everyone was in library studying and like someone shouted out.

No one would ever shout in the library.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's how big of a deal it was.

And like everyone was cheering.

What did they say?

I don't remember.

I don't remember like hearing the person who shouted.

I just like got the residual like, they got Osama bin Laden.

And then, like, everyone was cheering.

Maybe there was an anthem song, but me, that's just like, oh, I chilled.

No, no, no, that, like, might be me, like, remembering it that way.

Remembering it with rose colored glasses.

But if you were there, let me know.

Like, did we sing the anthem?

I feel like we should have.

I feel like you definitely didn't.

I feel like we did.

I don't remember where I was, which is enormously disappointing.

But let me tell you this.

First of all, I had so many thoughts.

Me and Ben were like, first of all, the movie is two and a half hours, and the last 45 minutes are like an Oscar winning movie and the first hour and a half are like the most boring piece of shit you've ever seen in your life.

But I guess like we needed to lay the land, like Abu Abbas, like how do we know?

Like, I get it, okay.

And it's like a 10-year manhunt, so it didn't just happen in 45 minutes.

And that's why Jessica Chastain was like nutty at the end of the movie because like she had been through a lot.

So here are my thoughts.

My thoughts are so layered.

Me and Ben kept saying, like, is there going to be an act?

Like, is Osama going to be in the movie?

Like, is there an actor who got like cast as Osama?

Like, and so we were just like, we're kind of waiting until until they got him to see, like, was it just going to be like the end of the movie?

Boom, you know, like, like Osama from the back or like

do we get Osama's POV?

Is Osama serving face in the film?

Like,

and so he doesn't really.

Like, they shoot him down, you don't really see, and then they, like, wrap him in a body bag, and they're shooting him.

Like, basically, like, there's a GoPro, like, on his toe, and you just see, like, his nose.

And I said to him, I'm like, imagine this actor comes home and tells him, mom, I got booked for a big Oscar-winning movie and I'm playing the star because it's a movie about Osama bin Laden and I am Osama.

And literally you just see his nose.

Like I was cracking up so hard.

So you don't really, which I think was the right thing to do, you know, but very tasteful.

When it came to Osama.

Now, I noticed so many crazy things.

So obviously like terrorism is, you know, a huge theme in the movie.

And it's also a huge theme in the daily fabric of our lives here.

And, you know, over the weekend, this is like the craziest thing that I noticed from the movie.

Over the weekend, obviously fabulous news coming out of Israel.

Israel did an operation, secret, you know, whatever.

They got four of their hostages back.

Boom, alive.

Amazing.

Amazing, which we were going to talk about, but I guess this colors your viewing

dark 30.

So, and of course, you know, one of the leading stories from this entire war was this beautiful young girl, Noah, that video of her on the back of the motorcycle being taken into Gaza by terrorists, like went viral.

It was chilling.

She's like this beautiful young girl.

Her mother is dying of cancer.

We haven't heard, whatever.

She was one of the people who gets rescued.

Rescued.

And

it comes out yesterday.

She's like, you know, now telling her story.

She was held in the home, not of like, you know, what you think, like a classic terrorist, no, like a quote-unquote civilian.

He's a journalist and he writes for Al Jazeera.

Like he's been covering the war while having a hostage, literally locked up in his basement, who's like, okay.

In the movie.

They are hunting down one of Osama's lead courier, they were calling him.

Like if anybody needed to get a message to Osama, they would go to this guy.

And when Jessica Chastain is like looking for his house, they find it and they're like, Why do you think he lived here?

And he says, Because he needs to be close to the Al Jazeera office.

So it's like Al Jazeera constantly being part of terrorism.

Meshed in terrorism.

Yeah.

There's kind of like a track record.

I think they have got a problem.

100%.

And I was like, oh my God, because I had just read Noah's story on Twitter.

And I was like, oh, okay, I'm sensing a theme.

Yeah.

I'm sensing a theme.

So

overall, I would say the movie, like,

it really wasn't good.

But once Chris Pratt's character and like his band of, you know, army men, once they enter the film, two hours in, it's amazing.

Up until that point, it's so dreadful.

It's so gray.

And like watching people get tortured, seriously, like I could, and even though these are like the worst human beings on the planet, like they're terrorists who killed 3,000 people on 9-11, like, I still, I can't watch it.

Okay.

I mean, yeah, I don't know what you expected.

It's like a war movie.

It's not going to be like a swirly affair.

No, I wasn't expecting a swirly affair by any means.

I was expecting, I don't know, just like

maybe like more entertaining.

I don't know.

It is still a movie.

Okay.

Well, people really liked it.

I liked it when I saw it.

And

overall, it's a good flick.

Oh, and then my biggest criticism is that at the end of the movie, when the screen turns black, it rolls straight to the credits.

No, you know, black and white text about real-life facts, side-by-side photos of, you know, Jessica Chastain's character and the woman she played.

Like if you're making a film based on real events and at the end, you don't have like a sum up of real life affairs, it's going to be a zero for me.

Well, what's the sum up?

And also, it wasn't that long after that it happened.

Like when you get something from decades ago, there's more context, but like it was a few years later, like Osama's dead.

I don't even think they could tell you who the real-life woman is, right?

She's probably

okay.

Well, maybe we should have waited.

Was there more information you were looking for?

I don't know, but those like end screen fun facts like always color the story for me.

For sure.

But I feel like now they could add more end screen facts, but they'd be like incredibly depressing like about what happened in Afghanistan.

Yeah, yeah.

So just turn on the news.

Really the story.

That's just like a hard and fast rule for me, you know?

Got it.

That's the best part of any real life story.

Well, I'm glad you're continuing on your journey of watching meaningful content.

I am as well.

I started the valley again.

So meaningful.

So meaningful.

I'm on episode three and I'm in it.

Like, I definitely, when I was watching the first episode, I was remembering why I stopped because it was just like too corny and too tryhard of like people wanting to be on reality TV and like wanting their show to be good.

So like doing really crazy dumb stuff.

But I'm past that hump now and I'm liking some characters.

I'm strongly disliking some characters.

Like I'm having feelings.

The next episodes like look really good.

So I'm involved and I'm excited about it.

Okay.

I also caught up on Real House Days of New Jersey.

Of course, I didn't watch last night's episode because why would I ever be on top of things?

But

the news about the reunion like really actually made me want to see what was going on.

And I can see like there is,

they haven't even had one event where everybody shows up.

There are so many beefs.

Like obviously you think Melissa and Teresa, they're just ignoring each other.

It's not even that big of a deal.

Other beefs where people like seriously will not show up to film with one another.

The whole group has not been in the same room except maybe the baseball game, but that was like such a big affair.

It wasn't like a single deal.

The baseball game is like my Christmas.

The baseball game is so funny.

One year because it's open to the public.

It's just like, to me, the best thing I've ever seen on Bravo.

The baseball game.

It's always challenging.

First of all, it's such a great.

cause raising money for a hospital.

Two, it's so funny because everybody gets really, really involved.

Like the guys, obviously, but then the girls, it's hilarious because like they they don't know how to play and then it's there's always like drama there too yeah it's really like a fabulous installment in the series like good on Dolores good on Dolores good on my momnies and good on the producers for always making sure like we get it we need our our baseball game fit it's so funny I remember like cackling at the last one like this one wasn't as funny because seriously like nobody will talk to each other

but but and I'm really I'm coming back saying there's no what in baseball crying

there you you go.

And I like, I don't even want to share my New Jersey thoughts because I feel like they're so unpopular, but like seriously, I'm obsessed with Rachel Fuda.

And I know, I think like everyone hates her.

I think she is, first of all, I just found out she's 32.

She's so brave.

Like she just got into it with Teresa.

She called her like an old smelly hag.

Like she really went for it.

And like everyone's so afraid of Teresa.

I have to say, I know it's Monday.

My answer will not change by Friday.

The weenie of the week, the weeniest to ever weenie of every week that ever existed is Jackie Goldschneider.

And she's being called out on it so hard.

And I'm so glad.

Like, Didielle is like, am I living in an alt?

There was a time where seriously, you two would have actually stabbed each other.

Like, if we had given you a knife, you would have stabbed.

And now Jackie's so fucking far up Teresa's ass.

Oh my god.

It's so losery.

Because say what you went about Jackie, the way she came in and like immediately didn't like Teresa and like rested and like stood on that and was principled and like it was unpopular and it alienated her from a lot of people.

Like she's so desperate to be a full-time cast member again.

Like the desperation radiates through the screen.

Her being like so wanna be friends with Teresa, like seriously, I've never seen a grown woman act like such a loser in my life.

Wow.

Okay.

I'm going to watch Once I'm Caught Up with The Valley.

Yeah, I watch The Valley now.

Yeah, you're just like a millennial.

It is very millennial and it's funny.

And there is so much like baby stuff, kid stuff.

It's like, yeah, it was a show that was like way needed to get made because there's really nothing else like it of people in this

stage of their lives.

When you're all caught up, you should now watch Kristen Dodie on the Good Guys podcast.

She was on last week.

Like starting major drama.

Her and Lala like fucking hate each other.

Yeah, I'll watch that.

But like, it's not looking good for me and

as a fan of Kristen.

Like, I don't think I'm a fan of Kristen.

She's on the show.

But I feel like she's one of those people who like does things for the show.

She's like Jax, where it's like maybe in real life like would love her and we've met her and she's so nice and i'm sure like would be great lunch date

and i feel that way about jax but then he does things on the show and i'm like

you're not my fave on the show that's for sure yeah she definitely is like a an on-air producer like she's moving things around make making things work Yeah, same with Jax.

And I respect it.

And like, it's their job as like, as the people who are like the temples for the show to make sure the show has a full season.

Yeah.

But I don't like it.

Yeah.

And it makes me sympathize with other people.

Yeah.

But I also think the way people felt at the beginning of the season like really turns by the end.

Oh.

That's what I was hearing, especially as a...

No, no spoilers.

I don't even know how people felt.

Okay.

I'm going in like totally fine.

I still don't even know what happened on Real House Eyes of Salt Lake City with that girl and the big moment.

Like that's how much I put blinders on.

I don't even know.

You don't know receipts timeline.

No, no,

I'm just saying the line.

Receipts, timeline.

No.

That's really crazy.

Jackie's also also never seen a single video of the Eras tour.

No, I've seen like some videos, but not out like footage.

I've seen minute-long clips at a time.

I saw she perform crazier.

Let's talk about that.

Spin me around.

You make me crazier, crazier.

Except she sang it out of key, like all the way down.

Yeah, so that is an original song Taylor Swift wrote, like before she was famous.

She was

like a guest star in the Hannah Montana movie on Disney Channel, and she wrote a song for the movie soundtrack and she performed it in the movie.

It's seriously one of her best songs.

I don't know if it's on any of her albums, it's not, but when she performed it as a surprise song, I think a lot of people thought, oh, maybe now it's a contender to be like a secret song or just a song added to debut, especially because when Taylor sang that song, all the wristbands in the arena lit up green, which is like the color people associate

for debut.

Hmm, okay.

Yeah, well, that would be cool.

Yeah.

I didn't know that.

I just enjoyed the moment for what it was.

Yeah, which was amazing.

I love that song.

And speaking of amazing moments this weekend, before we get into the stories, four hostages were rescued on Saturday in Israel.

And it is just, it was the most amazing news.

I could see the music.

It was the most.

It was the most amazing news.

The operation was like so incredible against all odds.

Really, something that they would make a movie out of, but they won't because like they're all Jew haters.

But But it's just amazing.

Amazing.

Like, seriously, when I saw the news, I was in the bed.

Like, Saturday was the best day of my life.

Like, you could not bring me down on Saturday.

I was so happy.

One, because Noah, I think it's just a story.

Like, a lot of, you know, our listeners and just like, you know, she's our age.

She's a girl.

Like,

at a music festival.

It just, it felt so real and so relatable.

And it was also just an amazing story because the other three hostages were soldiers in the IDF.

And like, they were never a part of any hostage deal because Hamas would never give back soldiers.

They're more valuable prisoners of war than civilians.

But when they were kidnapped, they were civilians at a music festival, but they had been soldiers in their lives.

Right.

So like you,

and they were just like able-bodied men.

And those people are never, they're always last on the list.

So those people.

And we can't even get

the first round of the hostage negotiations off the ground, let alone like the last round, which would be men.

Now, and a shock to nobody, like all the details that are coming out about where they were held and who they were held by doctors, civilians, quote-unquote journalists who work for Al Jazeera.

Civilians who hold hostages in their home and torture them.

So,

yeah,

in a densely civilian-populated area where, like, you know, organizations like Save the Children and UNICEF and UNRWA all operate out of that town, and it was no secret that these hostages were held there.

So, just, you know, be extremely mindful what Instagram campaigns you donate to because

you just never know.

But you do know if you just pay a little bit of attention and do things like read instead of making yourself feel good, like you donated and help someone like when you're actually having the opposite effect.

Yeah, so Noah's home.

Those three delicious Jewish boys are home.

Hashem is good.

God bless

the IGF, like obsessed, best news ever.

Everybody can eat my ass.

Mark Ruffalo.

I just know that Mark Ruffalo, I just know that Mark Ruffalo saw four Jewish young lives saved and his weekend was ruined.

And so if my weekend was already off to like a great start with that news, knowing Mark Ruffalo was crying, like I can't really, and his Instagram statement was just so, he's like, it's great that they're back, but imagine if a ceasefire.

Yeah, well, imagine if I had Diet Coke coming out of my pussy.

Like things, like we could all imagine fake things.

Like we would love ceasefire hostages back.

Wait, why is he saying that?

Who are you talking to?

Wait, who the fuck are you talking to?

Are you talking to Sinoir?

Because otherwise, it makes no fucking sense.

I really, seriously, that curly-headed fuck hate.

It's so funny.

I literally hate you.

It's so fucking much.

You better hope that I never run into you.

Cause I'm gonna throw your ass on the ground.

It's so funny, like, who.

You like just hate and don't hate anyone.

Yeah.

Who I hate so much.

Like, everyone, like, has their persons yeah because not just what like we like that you know Mark Ruffalo is a responsible but to me he is

no but he's like your number one it's just funny and now not to keep talking about Mark Ruffalo but I have like a little bit of a conspiracy theory when it comes to Mark Ruffalo if I were to ask you you know what how many followers you think Mark Ruffalo has on Instagram how many would you say

I feel like because of how you prefaced it, it's going to be way more than I would say, but like a couple million, max eight to ten twenty

now something is not adding up this old ugly on the inside ugly kind of like

you know past his prime actor

and at his prime instagram wasn't a thing

no seriously i'm really spiraling it doesn't make sense yeah bot farm it's it's giving bot farm and we know that so much of the pro-hamas movement like is on social media is powered by bot farms.

And I think Mark Ruffalo is a part of it, like allegedly.

Mark Ruffalo has a bot farm.

E-I-E-I-O.

Oh,

Mark.

Oh, Mark.

Mark you, Mark.

It always comes back to Mark Ruffalo, but it also always comes back to the Fast Life stories.

And now I feel as though we can get into them.

We just give Romeo this bone.

Come here, gorgeous.

That's a big bone for a little row.

It's supposed to keep him busy the whole podcast so so I can do my job properly.

And so that he doesn't chew the Cordover Streets, who reminds me of Glenn Powell.

Or the Glenn Powells.

Yeah.

Without further ado, it is time for the fast five stories that you need to know.

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First story, Sophia Ritchie threw an epic garden party celebrating her baby girl, Eloise's birth.

So Sophia Ritchie threw an extravagant garden party for her baby girl three weeks after giving birth.

The model posted photos from the epic backyard bash via her Instagram stories on Sunday after celebrating Eloise with her loved ones.

She gave glimpses of the event's colorful landscape from dior dishes to floral centerpieces and the guests enjoyed pink sweatshirts that said Eloise like in the font of Eloise at the plaza.

They had cocktails including the pump and dump and mama's juice and party games such as don't say baby.

So it very much looks like a baby shower, but it was post-baby.

Yeah, I think a lot of people are confused about that, but

her and her husband are like pretty Jewish.

And in Judaism, like baby showers before babies are born are like considered bed luck.

You don't really do that.

Yeah, so that's why.

I like this take on it, though.

I've not seen someone do this instead, and I think it's such a cute idea.

No, and it's so elegant.

Like, I'm pretty sure Dior was like through the party for her because there was Dior everywhere.

And that way, you could still get all your gifts, even though you can still get gifts even without a baby shower.

But I kind of love this.

Like, genius.

Genius Jewess.

Genius Jewess.

I love this woman.

Like, no one's trying, but they could never make me hate her.

Yeah.

I agree.

I think this was, everything she does is, she's just also at a point in her career where, like, like Haley Bieber, you know, and Haley Bieber, everything she does is cool, but like, even if she just like farted, they would be like, oh my God, that's this, like, the coolest sound I've ever heard in my life.

Like, Justin.

And

Sophia Ritchie's at the place now where everything she does is like becoming a trend.

She's a real tastemaker, but it just so happens that everything she does is so fucking classy.

Like she's just a real nice broad.

Yeah, she's classy broad.

And I do think she's a really good role model for this generation.

She's very Gen Z with her TikTok.

And here she is, just like a nice girl who dresses nice.

Like I think, I think it's good.

It's good.

She's a good kid.

Yeah, I think so too.

And I'm glad that Elliot Grange.

You love what?

That Elliot Grange, handsome fella.

A lot of people say he looks like my husband.

You know, Jewish king, obsessed.

Yeah.

No, it's really cute.

So, Mazzle.

And every glimpse into their life is just like, thank you.

Thank you for sharing.

Truly.

Yeah.

And they do share a good amount.

Mm-hmm.

So

very sweet.

Are you ready for our next story, which is some sports news?

Oh, okay.

It's quite shocking.

What?

I'm sure you've seen it.

It's not shocking, but it's going to be a lot of fun.

Caitlin Clark.

Caitlin Clark.

Yeah.

Caitlin Clark is not going to be on the 2024 Olympics women's basketball team.

And now she's responding to the snub by being just such a classy queen and better than everyone.

But I'm so confused.

So am I.

And I went to go find an answer and I wasn't able to find one.

Can someone explain like why they would leave her off?

Right.

She's like the greatest thing to happen to women's basketball in forever.

Yeah.

And she's like better than everyone by a mile, right?

Can I say something crazy?

Like, and maybe I know Brittany Griner's on the team and the Olympics are in where?

Paris.

The way if I was Brittany Griner, like I would never leave the country again.

Like I would be so fucking scarred.

No, I seriously, I would be afraid to like travel regionally.

I can't believe Brittany Griner is leaving the country.

Like for that, seriously, if that were me?

And I just, and I know Brittany Griner a lot of like a lot of other WMBA players, because they make so little money here in America on the WMBA offseason.

And that's why she was in Russia.

Like you go play and you make literally five times as much in one season in like Istanbul.

And I wonder if she's going to do that.

Like seriously, the way I would burn my passport.

So I could, like, I would never leave the country.

It's really so true.

But she will be on the team.

And so Caitlin Clark was asked about not being on the team.

She said she has no ill feelings.

She said she has no disappointment about not making Team USA.

I'm like, quote, I'm excited for the girls that are on the team.

I know it's the most competitive team in the world and I know it could have gone either way, me being on the team or me not being on the team.

I'm going to be rooting them on to win gold.

I was a kid that grew up watching the Olympics, so it'll be fun to watch them.

Honestly, no disappointment.

It just gives me something to work for.

It's a dream.

Hopefully one day I can be there.

I think it's just a little more motivation.

You remember that.

Hopefully when four years comes back around, I can be there.

Also, Team USA has taken home the gold every four years since 1996.

So I think

they like don't need her?

Well, I think in this category, like they'll, they'll slay.

And I think also same for men's basketball.

Like, that's just...

Yeah, it's our thing.

It's our thing.

I think other countries like don't prioritize basketball.

It's just like if there was football, like yeah.

but it's confusing because the way I see it as like a total third party, like with no

particular interest in the matter, it's like she's the greatest basketball player, like literally dribbling circles around everyone on the court.

Like, it's not even a fair fight.

She's like on another level.

No, and also, I'm on WNBA talk, so I'm actually doing my part in just engaging.

Like, I know a lot of what goes on.

And like,

the other players in the league like they like hate her and she gets like shoved and she gets like messed with, and she puts up with a lot, and she's always sort of this graceful queen.

And even this response, which

I'm sure, you know, when she found out, she was angry, but you know, publicly facing, you have to say the right thing.

She's really very classy.

Yeah, only three of the players who are reportedly on the team, because like the team leak, they haven't even officially announced it, but it's the team because they did call her and say, like, she said they called everyone who like was a contender and let them know that they didn't make it, um she said which she like was grateful for but only three of the players are new to the olympics everyone else has played the olympics before

but i also feel like okay maybe

is she like the undisputed best player in the league or not maybe she's like just the best rookie ever fine right because they keep comparing her and like like having her like stats being put up against angel reese who is also a rookie they both just stopped playing college basketball and now this is their first year declaring for the WNBA.

So, what about everybody else in the league, like for the last 100 years?

Right?

So, maybe she's just like the greatest rookie right now,

but I also think having her on the team would have just spurned so much excitement for women's basketball at the Olympics.

But then I saw something, I don't know what I was reading, someone's opinion that, like, if she did make the team, she wouldn't have gotten a lot of playing time, and that would have made her fans upset.

But, like, this is making her fans upset.

I don't, I just, I like when things make sense, and to me, this is, you know, equaling sock.

It's equaling sock.

Like, we're all talking about women's basketball for the first time, seriously, since its inception.

We're all excited about it.

There's commercials, brand nails, and it's because of one person.

Seriously, like, it all boils down to Caitlin Clark.

And now we want to go show off our skills for what women's basketball is doing in America against other countries.

And that girl, you know,

should be there now.

Unless I'm totally misunderstanding, which is entirely possible.

And I would love if somebody could explain.

but to me, something isn't adding up.

Yeah,

no, there's an element missing from the equation.

Maybe someone could weigh in.

Maybe just something we don't know about.

Like, maybe the team that's playing, like, is it like the most amazing team playing together?

It's just kind of now dawning on me that the summer Olympics are like, what, a month away?

And you and I are going to be together like the whole summer.

And like, the Olympics are just going to be on 24-7 in our house.

Yeah.

That's so exciting.

It is.

I fucking love the Olympics, you know?

Red, white, and blue.

God bless America.

Yeah.

But like, no, no shade to anyone, but like, don't you feel like they've been a little

quiet?

Like lackluster in recent years for whatever reason?

The Olympics?

Yeah.

No.

The one two years ago, where was the last Winter Olympics?

Like, we were so excited about it and then we never watched or spoke about it.

Winter?

In China.

That was a weird Olympics, okay?

Well, of course, there was sometimes the geopolitical landscape can overshadow.

That was a weird Olympics.

That was a weird Olympics because like a lot of people were boycotting and then they're like all these concentration camps in China.

Like that was weird for sure.

It was weird.

Where was the last summer Olympics?

Sochi?

I'd like to

be interesting Sochi.

That was a winter.

Also China.

Also China.

The last summer was Beijing.

Or was that winter?

Beijing, right, right.

So they had summer and winter.

I'm saying.

So it was China, China, and then Sochi is Russia.

It's been weird.

It's been weird.

Thankfully, France,

Paris, the city of love, even though they're not allowed to get it on in the Olympic village.

Yeah, feels like it can be this sort of neutral territory where hopefully, you know, the geopolitical landscape will not overshadow, you know, the thousands of athletes who've worked their life for this moment.

Yeah.

That is always weird when like wars and stuff like have implications on the Olympics.

Like that's that famous hockey game, right?

With the Russians.

Yeah, Miracle on the Ice on 34th Street.

No, it was called like, it was called the Red Army or something.

Yeah, no, is that like placid?

But there's a movie about it.

I think it's called Miracle on the Ice.

Oh, I have to watch that.

Wait.

Yeah, you do.

Hold on.

Miracle movie.

I just need to.

Yeah, there's a hockey player.

The college coach is hired to helm the 1980 U.S.

men's Olympic hockey team.

He brings a unique and brash style to the ice.

After assembling a team of hot-headed college stars who are humiliated in an early match, where's Russia?

Oh, oh, Brooks unites his squad against a common foe, the heavily favored Soviet team.

As the U.S.

squad tries to overcome insurmountable odds and win the gold medal, the team becomes a microcosm for American patriotism during the Cold War.

Yeah, it's going to be microcosm.

I'm so glad you brought that up because it reminded me something I wanted to say about

Chernobyl.

Chernobyl was like the character of Mr.

Gorbachev.

And to be honest, I have no fucking idea who that is, but I know, Mr.

Gorbachev, tear down that wall.

Yeah.

It wasn't really said like, like, so swirly like that.

It was more like a, tear down that wall.

It was more dire.

It was just like, it wasn't a suggestion.

It wasn't like, it wasn't, hey, Mr.

Gorbachev, would you

tear down that wall?

It wasn't a suggestion.

Well, it did like sort of remind me because I feel like I'm really, you know, invested invested in learning about history these days in terms of what I read and what I watch.

But there's just sort of like a blind spot for me when it comes to like

Cold War, like wars after World War II, like Cold War, Vietnam, question mark.

I really don't know much.

So I think that's totally fair.

I

definitely know less about that area too, because it was like a long, it's a longer period of time and like less happened in a hot sense.

That's why it was so cold.

But there's common themes of the two, communism.

Let me ask you another question.

Cold War.

Vietnam?

Separate.

Vietnam is not, so it's part of the umbrella of like communism.

That's what they're fighting.

But Vietnam was a hot war because there was fighting.

The Cold War, there was no actual fighting.

It was just like

cold.

It was like cold energy, you know, like we're cold.

Oh, it was like a war of, it was a war of bad vibes.

It was a war of bad vibes but it was cold in the sense one because like we don't like each other and we're being cold but because it wasn't hot there was no battles got it

you know like world war ii was very hot war

and soviet union

yeah and ussr yeah same thing yeah

and when you think of usr what do you think of i'm back in the ussr

Yes, best movie ever, Heartbreakers.

I feel like vomiting.

So Gourney Weaver's finest finest work.

Right?

Soviet Union is USSR.

That's like saying United States is America, right?

That's what I was like thinking.

I just wanted to make sure.

Or maybe Soviet Union is like Russia's name in the USSR.

You know what I mean?

But is there a state in the country?

Because USSR had other states in their sphere.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, but quickly back to the Olympics.

Oh, Caitlin Clark.

Oh, all's that to say?

I'm super excited about the Olympics.

I'm getting excited too.

This is making me excited.

And I think we deserve like a busing olympics i think the athletes deserve it what i thought you were gonna say is i feel like they're not doing and by they i mean like the country like they're not doing a good job of like getting us excited like who's even going do we know well no because all of the trials and stuff are happening now like they're competing for those spots but i do feel like they've been doing commercials for the olympics for so long and i think they started a little too early oh by the way they started doing commercials for the olympics like three years ago people were like doing paid instagram posts for at nbc olympics and

now it's like actually happening and they're not there's no buses.

I'm still not taking it seriously because I'm like, oh, I keep seeing this.

Like when I'm watching something on Peacock, they're going about the Olympics.

And I just, I've already tuned it out, unfortunately.

But nevertheless, like super excited and excited to see like who the breakout star is.

You know, there's always a, of course, we know Simone Biles, like the usuals, but there's always like a young hot thing from some random sport that like everybody becomes obsessed with and then they become like a celebrity.

Love it.

We could always be some celebrities.

We could.

Are you ready for our next story?

It's a follow-up to last week talking about Jen and Ben, their house pictures went online.

Yeah, yeah.

And now the marital home is up for sale.

Yeah.

So just kind of closing the loop on that.

Yeah, to close the loop, I feel like it's important that we close the loop.

And so I can say, like, yeah, this is bad.

So you're sort of laying down your arms.

I'm no longer fighting against the tide.

And I'm at a place of acceptance if true.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's oh, oh, excuse me.

Oh my God.

It's not looking good.

Yeah.

Do you want to tell everyone what just happened to you?

I yawned.

Like for people listening, it sounded like you saw, you know, classic turdy.

Oh, oh, someone walked in a mouse.

It sounds like I saw a mask.

No, I was just yawning, which is so crazy because I think I got a really good sleep score.

Let me just like triple check.

I haven't checked mine either.

How's life with the aura going?

92.

Wow, I slept nine and a half hours.

That's like a lot of hours.

That's ideal.

Yeah.

Let's see how I did.

Oh, I need to charge my aura.

Oh, so do I.

I'm only at 40%.

And I'm about halfway to my activity goal for the morning already.

Wow.

Oh, my sleep is 83.

But my readiness is high.

This says good.

Seven hours, 53 minutes.

Not the greatest.

I just was sent this sort of breaking breaking news.

28 sodas, juices, and other drinks that have been recalled by the FDA as of today.

Do you...

You want to send it to me?

Yeah.

Do you want it?

Or do you want to choose it as a story or no?

Like, we could just slip it in right now.

Jen and Ben put their home on for sale.

Now, third story is also soda.

How about I do it, ready?

Yeah.

So

the recalled drinks include a pain-relieving tea called Himalayan Pain Relief Tea.

I don't think anybody cares.

Martinelli's apple juice.

What for?

Because it contained arsenic, a toxic metal that may increase the risk of bladder and skin cancer.

Okay, yeah, that's not good.

Around 2 million bottles of Fiji water have been recalled.

Fiji's always been nasty.

After three types of bacteria were found in the water, in addition to the mineral manganese, which in high amounts can cause brain damage.

Okay.

What else?

I haven't heard of some of these,

but if you guys know Charles Bikini Company, they have a pink lemonade, a yellow lemonade, a yellow lemonade X.

Red 40.

I've been telling you about Red 40.

Everything with Red 40 has been recalled?

No, everything has Red 40.

Well, does it?

I think this one is just...

Those were.

Oh, because they didn't disclose that there's Red 40 on it.

That's even worse.

Thick, yeah, at least we can avoid Red 40.

Huh.

And some of the dyes in these sodas have a benzodyne, which is a carcinogenic to humans and animals.

That is so crazy.

See, this is like, I don't know how you make your own, uh,

like, especially if the water is polluted.

Maybe someone can let me know.

Like, maybe it's just as simple as a Brita, but like, how can we ensure, like, I can't make homemade water, you know?

Okay, wait, ready?

There's more.

Okay.

Schweppes zero sugar ginger ale.

I have one in my my fridge, I think, but no one drank it.

PepsiCo's mug root beer.

Noah.

The martinellis and the natural waters.

And then, wait, there was a, oh, the Trader Joe's 100% juice organic carrot juice.

What's wrong with that?

I don't know.

It just is on the list.

Powerade in flavors, fruit punch, and mixed berry.

Yikes.

And Mountain Berry Blast.

Wait, and there was also Enfomil.

Enfamil Neutrimogen Hypoallergenic Infant Formula Powder.

Just the hypoallergenic?

Also, the Chrysalic powdered goat milk infant formula.

Oh my God.

And Sammy's milk goat milk toddler formula.

Oh, Ben loves this.

The Yogi Immune Support Tea.

I have to tell him.

Oh, I have Yogi Tea, but I haven't drank it in forever.

Not the formula.

Yeah, that's disgraceful.

At the bottom of the list, like, just sort of like snuck at the moment.

Give me that list.

Five, six, and seven.

Fuck it.

I'm switching to whole milk.

Fuck it.

Fuck it.

Like, and then, and what's so, like,

I'm sick.

I'm sick about this.

Like, I was already getting mad, but now the four, like,

this is why we make our own bread, Claudia.

I thought you were going to say this is why we make our own milk.

That too.

Yeah.

Oh, my gosh.

Ugh, that just gave me such a pit.

I'm really sorry.

Not even just the formula, just everything.

Like, you just can't just anything.

Like, how come you can't make a soda without arsenic?

Why is that so hard?

I'm so glad you brought that that up like it's a good question like why is it so hard like to not get like poisonous chemicals leached into our beverages even fiji water like it's water no my god totally and you're right by the way like and it goes back to something you were saying last week like big food and then you see they're trying to kill us no and then you see list like this and how do you not become a conspiracy theorist like dead ass even our water to keep drinking and keep believing is the conspiracy at this point

to believe that these things are okay is you're the conspiracy theorist.

To see with your eyes, you're a truthseer.

You're such a truthseer.

They're trying to kill us.

They are.

They really are.

But like, how do you make your own water?

Because I will.

No, that's a good question.

And like somebody that I know who definitely like dabbles in like a lot of theories, but like he's also really smart.

Like I don't think he's crazy.

He has long been talking about the tap water in New York, like the pipes really being problematic.

The pipes in New York are a major problem, but all a lot of tap water.

Lead

and you know, for like, then it makes you think, like, how many years was like the phrase, New York, best tap water in the country?

Like, it was a phrase.

They made, they popularized that phrase to get us not to think.

I'm telling you.

No, and it's also, okay, that's the best one.

So, like, what's in the others?

And that's, oh, it's actually not the best one.

It's like widely known, like, mountain water is like the cleanest.

So, what water, like, what water does Nara Smith drink?

What water does Vallerina Farm drink?

Honestly, Vallerina Farm like definitely lives on a creek.

Like she probably drinks natural water.

Okay, so maybe she built her.

Yeah, or boil it.

Oh my God.

I literally can't.

I can't.

It's insurmountable.

It kind of comes back to Aaron Brockovich.

It doesn't matter.

That was a microcosm.

It was just.

Just what they're doing to the country.

And we're also curious why we don't feel good.

It's so true.

Oh my God.

And why we're like depressed and sick and fat.

Oh my God.

It's so true.

Because they're trying to kill us.

I think we should move.

Who's not trying to kill us?

So true.

You have to just take matters into your own hands.

Make your boil your own water.

Okay.

Well, thank you for ruining my day with that.

You're welcome.

Are you ready for our next story?

Four?

Number four.

So

you're ready?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How could you be ready at a time like this?

Because we still have the fifth story.

But we still have ads.

Yeah, I know, so we can do it after the fourth.

But then the show's like over.

Yeah, it's like not because we always just talk.

Okay.

Also, no, no, but wait, no, no, let's talk this story.

Let's talk this story.

Okay.

I like to spread them out.

And so the first chunk of ads, because we did so much pre-fast five banter, was at about like 35 minutes by my calculation.

Right.

And it's now been 20 minutes later.

And industry standard is to like do an ad break every 15 minutes.

And if we don't have a break.

I just, I like to separate the two breaks as much as possible to give people as much content but sure tell me how to do my job

and have 15 minutes of content after the last ad

that's a little

we will first of all and second of all actually perfect because

The sponsor of today's show is a brand you can trust when it comes to beverages.

And that's Lipton Tea.

That is a perfect segue.

You didn't see them on that list.

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So they are on a mission to tell people like how two cups of their green tea a day delivers quick and simple wins on an individual health and wellness journey.

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No, tell me.

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So flavonoids are naturally occurring bioactives that are found in tea, vegetables, and fruit.

And two cups a day is an easy way to support your health.

Lipton tea is just a delicious way of getting those bioactives and flavonoids into your diet.

Tea is just like, it's such an elegant beverage, you know, like Sophia Ritchie definitely drinks tea.

Makes you feel good, makes you look good.

And like Jackie said, like, we're all not feeling good all the time.

Like, let's take steps, obviously, nothing too major, like drinking two cups of tea, I can do that.

That's that's very realistic um to make yourself feel better like why wouldn't you do that you can try lipton uh their new green tea that come in two different flavors again it's the new signature blend green tea and the new lemon peach and honey ginger green tea um trying the new lipton green teas today and get get on your two cups a day girly swirly uh jax are you ready I'm not ready because I need to let you know that today's episode is also brought to you by Huggies.

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We wore Huggies.

Like how nice is that?

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Our next that ad just made me miss my family.

Oh, we miss you too, la.

Our next story, the comedians are fighting.

Who?

Julia Louis Dreyfus and Jerry Seinfeld.

What?

So Jerry Seinfeld did an interview recently where he talked about how like political correctness is harming comedy.

Not really like a hot take at this point.

He said it used to be you would get home at the end of the day and most people would say, oh, Cheers is on.

MASH is on.

Mary Tyler Moore is on.

All in the family is on.

You just expected there'll be some funny stuff we can watch on TV tonight.

Well, guess what?

Where is it?

This is the result of the extreme left and PC crap and people worrying so much about offending other people.

So then...

Jerry getting political.

Right.

So then she did an interview.

She was in an interview with the New York Times, and she said it's a red flag when comedians complain about political correctness.

She said, Okay.

Yeah.

And don't forget, they were both on Seinfeld.

I forget.

Don't forget, by the way, I wait, let me hear what Julia Louise said.

She said, if you look back on comedy and drama both, let's say 30 years ago through the lens of today, you might find bits and pieces that don't age well.

And I think to have an antenna about sensitivities is not a bad thing.

It doesn't mean that all comedy goes out the window as a result.

When I hear people starting to complain about political correctness, and I understand why people might push back on it, but to me, that's a red flag because it sometimes means something else.

I believe being aware of certain sensitivities is not a bad thing.

I don't know how else to say it.

I'm sorry.

It's really just crazy that she says that after Veep.

Veep is the craziest show.

Like, by the way, I loved Veep and it's wild.

Like some of the stuff that was said, like the writing on that show was amazing.

It was very out there and very not politically correct.

Like, that's a show that seriously, in 20 years, like, Gen A or whatever is going to be there.

Oh, my God.

Like, take it off max.

Do you think so?

Why?

What did they say?

Oh, my God.

It was just,

by the way, it was really crazy.

It was?

Yeah.

Like, all the, like, like, the way they would reference people and like talking about like, it was just crazy.

Oh, I didn't find it.

Am I wrong?

That's not how I remember it.

It's just like funny.

Oh, I remember it as being like very direct.

Like, this is how people in Washington really talk.

Interesting.

Yeah.

Well, she also then spoke more about it because she said, I wanted to make sure that I answered this whole idea of political correctness correctly.

And I can't really remember what I said.

So I want to go back to that and be very clear about where I stand.

My feeling about all of it is that political correctness, insofar as it equates to tolerance, is obviously fantastic.

And of course, I reserve the right to boo anyone who says anything that offends me while also respecting their right to free speech, right?

She said the bigger problem is the consolidation of money and power.

She believes the siloing of studios and outlets, as well as streamers and distributors, is a threat to the creative voice.

So that's what I want to say in terms of the threat to art.

I feel like she was asked a question that she really doesn't have like a fully thought out like thought on, which is fine.

Like you don't have to have a harsh opinion on everything.

And she just kind of like shat the bed.

Like her answer.

And I don't know if it's like a direct

commentary on Jerry Seinfeld because she, she didn't bring this up.

She was asked about it.

Like I I think that she was asked a question that was meant to be provocative and she didn't really have an answer.

And so now they're like positioning it as her and Jerry fighting.

And I don't think that they are.

Yeah, but I also think that's like, you know, a big conversation in comedy right now is like political correctness and is comedy suffering and like where is comedy?

And so if you're interviewing a comedian, like that's probably something that you would touch on

when it comes to Jerry's interview and her interview.

And I think though, like it's obvious that comedy has suffered in recent years.

I mean, I hear sentiment of like, of course, you want to be sensitive to sensitivities.

It's like, nice, but the problem is in actuality, like, where do you draw that line?

And the line then keeps moving.

And then it's like, okay, well, this whole concept just isn't going to work.

But also, like, I don't know if it's necessarily a question Julia Louis Dreyfus is equipped to answer.

And clearly she wasn't.

Like, Jerry Seinfeld actively does stand-up comedy.

He's actively commenting on the culture in a very, you know,

tough climate, if you will.

Julia Louis Dreyfus doesn't do stand-up currently.

They're not even talking about stand-up, they were talking about like TV shows, like what he was talking about.

So, just it could be late night, it could be sitcoms, like just things aren't funny.

It's hard to find funny stuff to watch.

No, they're not.

It's hard to find funny stuff to watch.

And even Hacks, which like was funny and out there.

Oh, which I finished.

A lot of people said to me, Claudia, you have to finish the last episode of Hacks to really like understand it comes full circle, you know?

No,

literally, like, they didn't undo anything except ava gets worse if you thought she couldn't not not only was she annoying and like you know distressed millennial now she's a fucking bitch yikes yikes yeah not the bitch

okay

well

that's that what the comedians have said today yeah

So

awkward.

Awkward Seinfeld reunion, even though like not really, they probably don't even know the other said the other thing.

No, and the thing is, they're both like comedians who are like super mainstream.

And I feel like these days, if you

are a very sort of like someone, like not an industry plan, but somebody who the industry like accepts and like you're on TV and you get these sort of mainstream opportunities, you are not funny, like, because you're safe.

Yeah.

And these comedians who sort of operate in like dirty corners of the internet, Andrew Schultz, Shane Gillis, saying things that, you know, are not said on TV, they're the ones having major success in comedy, selling out Madison Square Garden, not the people you see on TV.

Right.

I'm actually surprised that Jerry Seinfeld even said what he did.

Yeah, because Jerry Seinfeld is one of those

approved comedians.

Yeah, yeah.

He's never said anything.

And that's why it's kind of a weird take because Jerry's kind of always been known as this sort of safe, not clean, but family-friendly comedian.

Like, he doesn't say the R-word.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, he, so

interesting.

Yeah.

Actually, I don't know how to do that.

I imagine you can't find something to watch on TV.

I watched

Julia Dreyfus in person the other day.

Did I say that on the toast?

I don't know if you did.

Do you know where I saw her?

At lunch.

Yes, at what facility?

I forget.

The mark has mice.

The mark denies the Holocaust.

Also, in looking at these pictures, she looks like Miss Rachel.

Anyone else see it?

Julia Louis.

Yeah, like they have a similar, they're of a similar elk, I just noticed.

Oh, speaking of Julia Louis, for some reason, whenever I think of Julia Louis, like an actor I associate with her is James Gandalfini.

And that's because I never saw The Sopranos, but I did see that one movie enough said that James Gandalfini was in with Julia Louis Dreyfus.

And it's literally such a good movie.

Fun fact of Zero Dark 30 is that James Gandalfini was in it.

Like, what?

Tony Soprano?

Tony Soprano, he plays like a head CIA boss.

Oh, cool.

Cool.

Let me tell you that Julia Louis Drevis doesn't not look like Miss Rachel.

So having like a similar energy.

Yeah.

Theater.

That's the energy.

Like theater kid.

Yeah, perhaps.

Like she could, like,

in a Miss Rachel biopic.

Like, Julia Louis.

A young Julia Louis.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

Fifth and final.

A little more sports news, because that's what we do here, except it's like not really sports news.

But Ariana Grande enjoyed a rare date night with her boyfriend Ethan Slater at the Stanley Cup final.

So this is just a hockey podcast at this point.

I didn't spell it.

I didn't see.

I didn't see.

They're just like out,

you know, unabashed in public, which I think by now, you know,

they just are.

They've earned the right to.

Also, the Panthers are in the Stanley Cup.

Panthers Proud.

Oh my God, they are.

You should go.

I know.

And I want to go.

I didn't realize the Stanley Cup had started.

It's really crazy how, like, hockey is so irrelevant in the culture.

Like, it's not.

It's just either it's like hot or cold.

Like, you either are a hockey person or you're not.

There's no middle.

Even if you're okay, here, there's a different person.

You don't ever find yourself casually watching hockey.

Jackie, you're you don't watch basketball, do you?

No.

I bet you could name five basketball players current.

Yeah,

you're not.

Go, go.

Oh, of course, but this, I'm not saying that hockey is basically.

I couldn't name one hockey.

Actually, I could because his wife is a toaster, TJ Oshi, and I thought his last name sounded like ours.

Hockey isn't basketball in this country.

There's no casual watching of hockey is what I'm saying.

Like, you're either so in it or so removed.

It's just crazy that, like, the NHL is the same as like the NBA, the NFL, the MLB.

I don't watch baseball.

I could tell you like 11 players' names.

11?

okay current not my piazza

not my piazza

not my piazza pete alonzo my best friend

um tamara judge's son aaron judge oh kate upton's husband what's his name justin

what's his last name i'll tell you verlander yeah yeah thank you thank you justin burlander Okay, so I can't do former.

I can't do Nick Swisher.

Joanna Garcia Swisher's husband.

I cannot do former.

Let me think.

let me think.

I definitely know.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, he played on the Knicks.

Not the Knicks, the Mets.

Noah Syndergaard.

Yeah.

I don't know if he's still on the team.

Allow it.

Let me think.

Let me think.

Oh, oh, um.

No, I definitely know more.

Hold on, hold on.

Oh, what is Vanessa Hudgins' husband's name?

Or Brielle's boyfriend.

Or that's what I was saying.

Oh, oh, oh, Michael Kopeck.

Michael Kopeck.

He's in the minor league, but okay.

No, I think he goes between the leagues.

He goes up and down.

Let me think.

Let me think.

It's too.

Yeah, we might actually know more minor league players than major.

Thanks, Prielle Bierman.

Okay, wait, I know more.

Hold on.

Let me think.

This is hard.

Let me just think about the Mets.

Like, I was out to dinner.

It's okay.

You don't need, I don't need her.

But by the way, still, four?

Right, not 11.

So So I would say, like, the MLP is not.

I want us

to be usually successful.

It's just like we don't watch it.

So is the NHL.

Right.

But I think the NHL is even more like siloed, and it's like you're either a hockey person or you're not.

I want us to seriously spend the next 30 seconds thinking really hard.

Can we name, besides TJ Oshi, because like

one NHL player.

Yeah, my friend's brother plays in the NHL.

You have a friend who's not me?

Yeah.

My friend Britt.

What's her brother's name?

Sunny Milano.

He plays in the NASA.

What team?

I think the Islanders.

Okay, I don't feel like that counts.

Personal references don't count in this

exercise.

Yeah, he plays

for the Washington Capitals.

Current baseball players.

I feel like who's like the most famous one?

It's Pete Alonso.

So then Pete Alonso doesn't count in your exercise, personally.

Oh, shit, you're right.

ronald akuna oh aaron judge okay that was a good one oh and then there's like uh you know carrie underwood's husband mike fisher

predators does he still play i feel like yeah i think you're right i think you're right and i just want to say and then among hillary dev's ex-husband comry

oh bryce harper i have heard of him bryce harper yeah he sounds like a tick tocker No, literally.

This list of like the top players currently in the MLB, I seriously don't know any of them.

And where's Pete Alonzo?

He's number one.

This list is a good thing.

I think we did better than I thought we were going to do.

I've got three, we did four hockey players.

We did?

Yeah.

Mike Fisher, Mike Comrie, Tyler Oshi, and Sonny Milano.

Yeah, knowing us, we probably know some.

Tyler Oshi that Sonny Milano.

If they put those four people in a room together and they had to figure out why the four of them.

Who put them together?

I actually think they might get there.

You think?

Yeah, because if your friend's brother just happens to talk about Colgate, Jackie O, TJ will say, oh, my wife listens to this podcast, and we actually went to her show in Pittsburgh.

And then they would say, oh, and we were married to celebrities.

No, not Pittsburgh, Baltimore.

Yeah, right, right.

They would actually figure it out.

How long do you think I would take them?

I don't know if the baseball players, like Aaron Judge, Pete Alonzo, and these like D-listers.

But the thing is, oh, there was D-listers.

Because otherwise they're just like a bunch of baseball players on the Mets Yankees, like in a room.

Yeah, no.

And then Kate Upton's husband.

Yeah, he's also tops.

Like, I feel like they've been in rooms together, you know, for the Olympics or whatever.

Rubbing elbows, yeah.

They all go to the Olympics.

What was the story?

The Panthers are in the Stanley Cup.

Ariana.

That wasn't the story.

The Ariana Grande and her boyfriend were there because lest we not forget, she's a Florida girl.

Oh my God, is she from Boca Rattan?

I don't know where she's from.

I think she is from Boca Rattan.

Ariana.

Oh, I mean,

yes.

Yeah.

That's like such an, and so is Megan Traynor.

So she's a Panthers fan.

Got it.

That's why she, maybe she's home visiting Grad.

Yeah.

Perhaps meeting her new boyfriend.

They don't step out a lot.

And when they do, it's big news, obviously, because this was sort of like the

beginning of the end of almost for Ariana Gande.

And then her album definitely brought her back.

And I feel like now that the album's out, she's like, fuck you all.

I've been with my man's almost a year now.

Like, we're going to go enjoy life.

And it's.

And she never spoke out about it, but her good friend, Bowen Yang, said on his podcast, like

the narrative out there about her is so incorrect and she's like never corrected it.

She said that on her album too, pretty much.

Like, you guys don't know anything.

But okay, what part are we wrong about?

Like, right.

You can't just say like, you guys are wrong.

I need like a little bit more.

The thing that's the critical issue for me, because I don't care about her ex-husband, is that he was married to like a lay woman.

When he left to go

when he left to go film wicked, he had like a happy wife and a baby at home, and then he didn't come home.

Yeah.

Because he was snatched by the talons of Miss Ari.

That's what we know thus far.

That's the story.

Like, what part of that is incorrect?

I'm like, I would be so happy to move on from it.

I also think, like, let's say this is completely kosher.

Like, the way it went down was fine.

I'm just like, I'm not a fan of this relationship.

Yeah, like he doesn't have a good Q score.

No, not at all.

Not for me.

Not for anyone,

really.

So that's personally, like, where I draw the line.

Yeah.

But she looks happy.

I wonder how many more games there are.

Also, speaking of finals and personal interest, the Mavericks are in the finals of basketball.

My husband is thrilled, except last night he was not thrilled because they lost.

Yeah, what's the score?

2-0.

Oh, that's a bad score.

I feel like there's only been two games so far.

But you know, they have to get their ad dollars in.

They're going to play seven games.

Yeah, Boston leads 2-0.

Okay.

Well, I feel like even if the Mavericks don't win, I'm sure he won't see it this way, like it's an honor to be nominated.

Like, it's very exciting to be in the finals, especially when the Cowboys never make it that way.

Yeah, some of us have never been in the finals, you know?

Yeah.

So, like, just be happy, like, smile because it happened.

Exactly.

And I think that's a beautiful sentiment to leave people on.

I completely agree.

The good news is, is like

it's not Tuesday by any means, but like it's not the beginning of Monday.

It's no longer Monday morning.

And that to me is huge.

It's caused to celebrate.

Celebré.

So that's our show.

I've been working on my French since the Olympics are in Paris.

All right, hit us.

It's caused to celebrate.

Oh, that's it.

I've been working on my French too.

Bon Nuit.

Bonui.

That's good.

And to that, we say bon nuit.

Actually, somebody posted that clip of the bon nuis moment on like a toast fan page on TikTok and it came across my desk.

What do you have fan pages?

First of all, I think that was probably the height of my obesity, which is just unfortunate for me because like I can't enjoy watching the episode.

And I think I had gotten a spray tan the night before I was going somewhere, so I chose to not wear makeup that day and be pre-showered spray tan on the show.

I look fucking crazy.

Like seriously, I look horrible.

And it's such a shame because it's such an amazing story.

And re-watching it, I just recently re-watched it.

Me sharing that story was incredibly brave.

It's one of the most embarrassing things I've ever done in my life.

Well, then you've lived a good life, La.

I love that.

Also, good thing so many people listen as a podcast because people didn't know what you looked like.

So true.

So that's a win for audio.

Do you want to wrap up?

I kind of, I just want to like pet Romeo.

I would love to if you'll allow me to wrap up in my style,

which is not auctioneer.

Okay.

It's more lackadaisical.

Thank you guys so much for listening to the toast.

We appreciate every single one of you.

And we hope that you enjoyed yourself so much today that you'll come back tomorrow and maybe even tell a friend.

Now, like, subscribe, comment on Instagram.

It's giving desperate.

It's giving desperate.

I think it's giving earnest play.

One woman's desperation is another woman's earnest play.

Honestly, I kind of love that.

that.

I'm not thirsty, I'm just an earnest player.

It's just a play from an earnest woman.

The importance of being earnest play.

I like, seriously, I love earnest play.

It's all about spin turdy.

Anyways, we'll see you tomorrow.

Love ya.

Bye.

Say bye, Tromeo.