Who's Your Tevye?: Wednesday, April 24th, 2024

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Good morning, millennials, and welcome back to the Toast.

Happy Wednesday, also known as Hump Day, right?

Yeah.

An amazing, gorgeous, sort of

weekly occasion here at the Toast.

Weekly occasion, Bruno's here to celebrate.

Of course.

Bruno hasn't missed a day of work in about three weeks holy shit it's major for Brew he did retire a few months ago and he came out of retirement after losing all of his money in cryptocurrency investments and just bad choices speaking of rumors and financial decisions about a man named Bruno I wanted to clear something up I said on the show yesterday apparently the rumor about uh Bruno Mars owing $50 million to some casino was like an AI-generated rumor that I fell for.

So it's not.

It's not to the list with the Pope and his puffer coat.

It's not true.

And it's also true that Bruno Mars already has a Vegas residency.

Great.

And I know I didn't stand up for my boy yesterday, my boy Bruno II.

I guess he's Bruno I.

This will be Bruno II.

Oh, when you said Bruno II, I thought you were talking about Bruno

Weinreb.

Even though Bruno Weinreb is number one in my heart,

he's the second because he was named after Bruno the first.

And he was born after.

So even though I didn't stand up for Bruno I yesterday, I just feel like everyone knows my heart and knows that I wouldn't have a slanderous thing to say about Bruno I.

I like literally don't know what we're talking about.

I'm saying, this is what I'm saying.

Outlarped.

Like, I've lost, we've lost the blind.

No, no, no, no, it's just because their names are Bruno, both of them.

But that all is that to say is like, I know I didn't say Bruno I would never.

By the way, why don't you just use real names for the sake of clarity?

I know I didn't say yesterday, I don't believe you about Bruno Mars.

He would never do that.

Like, I didn't say, I didn't stand up for him because you were just like slinging these allegations out of nowhere and sex.

Right.

And I just trusted my sister.

But I feel like everyone can trust and believe.

Everyone knows my heart to know that I love and support Bruno Mars.

Period.

I like literally don't even know what you're talking about.

I feel like are you saying like you're like a like a crazy Bruno Mars stan and that we like all should have known that you would never would have believed that he did anything wrong?

No, I'm saying I'm a crazy Bruno Mars stan, but I didn't act like it yesterday because I just took what you said as truth and I didn't stand up for him and I'm ashamed for that.

But you guys know what's on my heart and that I love Bruno Mars and I support him.

Yeah, yeah.

You are getting it yet.

You know, I get it.

A little.

No, that's great.

That's great.

When I'm speaking English, sound off in the comments.

No, I get it.

I get it.

I get it.

I guess I kind of forgot.

I wouldn't consider you like a Bruno Mart stan, but at the end of the day.

I name my dog after him.

I love him.

When the chips fall where they may, you are.

Just like you're a Shakespeare stan because you're named your dog Romeo.

I actually named my dog Romeo because I wanted like a very small connection to a Taylor Swift lyric.

That was like how that's how the name Romeo got on the list

of names.

And then it ended up being the name.

And speaking of potential names for Romeo, another name on the list that we were talking about this morning, actually, was Tevia, which is, you know, a famous name from a famous film called Fiddler on the Roof that we actually watched last night.

Now, I know I have seen Fiddler on the Roof because there was a middle school adaptation where Jackie played Hava and Olivia.

She slayed the house down boots.

Olivia had graduated by that point.

That was my eighth grade play.

When Olivia was in eighth grade, she was Belle in Beauty and the Beast.

And we have not talked about a single thing since that day.

Little town.

So I know it's about Anatefka.

I know everyone's Jewish.

And I know that there's daughters.

And the whole point of the movie is like getting the daughters married and the various journey, you know, that takes us on.

I can't can't remember the last time I saw the movie.

And if I have seen the movie, it was maybe one time.

So we started it two nights ago.

It's a very long movie.

So we're going to finish it tonight.

We're watching it in installments.

We made it to intermission last night, but we still had an hour left.

So we have an hour and nine minutes.

And we're going to finish it tonight, which I'm really, really excited about.

It's probably far less than that because you know they made a meal of the credits, just like they made a meal of the credits in the beginning.

Yeah, they did.

It was like a 15-minute credit intro.

And I'm loving it, by the way.

Like, first of all, just watching it like with the girlies, maybe it's just like better because we're like giggling the whole time.

We're hysterical.

We're hysterical.

um

and also i think that it's really enjoyable because so many of these references songs that we sing and things that we say like we don't even realize hail from fiddler on the roof but it's nice to like place them tradition tradition

tradition like of course sunrise sunset sunrise sunset If I was a rich man.

Co-opted by the great Gwen Stefani.

It is so crazy that Gwen Stefani sampled that song.

I have so much respect.

I feel like Gwen Stefani like gets called out for cultural appropriation a lot.

And I guess in this instance, like, sure, she's appropriating Tevia.

I love it for her.

I'm so glad that she brought the song to millions of people.

But it isn't weird that there's a pop song out there where like the catchy hook originated from a, you know, an early 1900s Russian village.

No.

And so it's a movie that's based on a play that's based on a book by Shalom Aleichem.

He's like the classic Yiddish writer.

Okay.

So it goes way back.

And I just want to thank one stefani for bringing it into the fold deep cut it's a deep cut there are so many songs on there that i just really um

matchmake him match make him make me a match find me a find catch me a catch which most people probably know from mrs doubtfire when he's being turned into a woman and him and his brother end up making someone who looks like barbara streisand a babushka a babushka um loving every minute of it who do you identify with as a daughter as a daughter and as a daughter and it's really crazy that tevia had five daughters just like Teresa.

Yeah.

How many daughters does Teresa have?

Four.

Same thing.

I think maybe I identify with the second oldest.

Wait, I'm just thinking of a piece of content we need to make for our Instagram later.

Okay.

The cover of Fiddler on the Roof with all the daughters, but it's Teresa and her daughters.

Okay.

Love that.

I don't identify with any of them.

Like I see myself, but the one that I like the best right now is Huddle, the second.

Well, she also is the most beautiful.

Yeah, she's the one who like looks the least Jewish also.

I liked Seitel.

I think I also love the name Seitel.

I like can't can't stop saying it.

I'm like, did you see what Seitel was wearing?

She has a good head on her shoulders, you know?

Yeah.

And there's like such a popular restaurant in, um, it's in Brooklyn.

It's like an Israeli restaurant that everyone's been talking about.

It's like the hardest place to get a reservation.

And it's called Laser Wolf.

And now I understand why it's called Laser Wolf because that's the name of the butcher in Fiddler on the Roof, which is a great reference and a great name for a restaurant that serves meat.

Agreed.

I just want to say Laser Wolf P.

John.

Laser Wolf got a bat at it.

You know?

No, it's like, it's just not told from Laser's POV.

So he looks like not even the villain, but you just don't know like what's Laser going through?

He lives in that big house, widower, all alone.

He obviously has dealt with grief, the passing of his wife.

He's now dealing with loneliness.

He throws himself into work, which is why he's so successful.

And we don't even know like what he saw in Seitel that made her him fall in love with her.

And then to have that so brutally rebuffed after a night of celebration.

I do want to say,

I do want to say that Seitel, while she wasn't excited about the prospect of marrying Laser Wolf, once she came to terms, she would have had a good life and she would have been happy.

He would have been good to her.

And that's, and by the way, I love Motel, who she ended up marrying, obsessed, like the poor Taylor.

He's so cute.

He looks like someone we went to high school with, like obsessed.

Now, another thing I wanted to say that I feel like really was resonating with the current climate, given what's going on on college campuses, et cetera, et cetera.

It's like the first half of the movie is like silly village tings.

Who am I going to marry?

You know, this guy thinks he's, you know, so smart.

Like everyone, it's silly village drama.

It's a soap opera, if you will.

And then at the very end of the first act, there's a pogrom where, you know, everything else is just sort of put into perspective.

Who am I going to marry?

Who's doing the dishes?

Like those are luxuries.

It becomes so irrelevant almost.

And I don't know what's waiting for me in the second half of the film, but I'm sure we'll focus on more serious matters like the tsar and the pogroms.

And I feel like

that's very relatable.

Yeah, no, it's just Jews constantly being kicked out of their lands.

And it's like, it's so funny because when you're in Russia, it's like, go back to Israel.

When you're in Israel, it's like, go back to Poland.

Yeah.

It's like a circle jerk.

Yeah.

No.

And it's like, it's just

some things are eternal.

And that, I guess, Jewish hatred is one of them, which is just very sad.

No, and watching a movie from over a hundred years ago and seeing the same sort of trope and how it gets started.

Like he gets told there might be a program, but it's happening other places.

It's not going to happen to us.

Yeah.

That's how it feels.

And that's how it's always felt.

Like we've always seen it.

It's like, well, it's not going to happen to us.

And now it's literally happening in New York.

No, and it just morphs and it takes on whatever the flavor of the day is these days.

It's anti-colonialism, anti-racism.

No, and it's like, stop the genocide, which there is no genocide.

And it latches onto a popular political movement.

It was Nazism.

Now it's pro-Palestinianism.

Yeah.

So

it's all the same.

And that's why when we tell you like anti-Zionism is anti-Semitism and someone who knows nothing tells you that it isn't, they're wrong.

That's why.

Yeah.

It's frustrating, but no, it's, and also that's where we hail from.

So I don't know exactly when our

direct ancestors came from Russia to America, but this is their story.

This is our story.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And that's also why I feel like we feel so connected to it.

And I don't know if it's like in my DNA.

I don't think that is.

Maybe it's just a coincidence why I'm so interested in Russian history.

And I always have been.

I'm even reading Serena now, which is 1725.

So it's like a little different.

But I just find it so interesting that maybe that's me, like just trying to understand my people.

It's this instinctual sort of you reaching out to your ancestors.

It's your birthright.

Yeah, to understand.

I love that.

Yeah.

Anyways, Serena's really good.

You guys still recommend.

And that's T-S-A-R-I-N-A, not S-E-R-E-N-A.

Yeah.

Do you remember when, I feel like I literally bring this up once, whenever we talk about Serena Williams, I talk about two things.

Your college paper.

Of course.

And the time that you met her, that we met her?

No, where we happened to have the ugliest photo ever taken of me on record.

Yeah.

That's actually three things I say when we bring up Serena Williams.

The photo, the college paper.

And like, did that commercial for Serena Williams' fragrance leave an indelible mark on anyone else when they were like 11 years old where she had a perfume that was her name backwards?

Because her name backwards is Inaris.

Yeah, you've shared that before.

And I just thought that was like truly brilliant marketing.

Like I never got over it.

You never got the bug.

I never got over it.

And that therein was the seed

origin story of the Serena obsession.

Of how you got into marketing and media.

A thousand percent.

And ending.

Right.

Serena Williams.

Oh, yeah.

In that truly fugly picture that whenever we talk about people ask us to post.

And it's so ugly I actually won't post it.

I posted it one time and I put an emoji over my face.

Like you really there there's something special.

It's you know what it is?

That is my poot.

Except the image isn't distorted.

Unfortunately, that's what I look like.

The poot image isn't distorted.

It was just like the cat.

No, no, it is distorted.

Like the flash, like it literally in that moment, she didn't look like that.

In the moment of the Serena Williams sort of, that is what I looked like.

Yes, no, but like the picture of Poot is not distorted post

photo.

Like it was a weird

camera malfunctioned.

Plus the light, like and the flashes of the other, it was weird, but that was what happened.

In my Serena photo, the camera worked fine.

The lighting was fine.

Like it was me.

You were Poot.

Yeah.

Damn.

So.

So Tebia.

Tebia.

As the good book says.

Yeah, I think I don't know how long the second half could be.

I don't really remember much else happening other than, you know.

The emigration time.

I know.

I know, like, so.

I don't want to spoil it for you.

Yeah, no, by the way, there's also big news coming out of Chava's camp.

Yeah, but those things are like kind of happen quickly.

Do you know what I mean?

Like all of a sudden like Hodel and the

socialists are like in love.

In a biblical sense, like I who's Hodel?

Second daughter.

Oh, yeah, but he's Jewish, right?

Yeah, but he's just like a radical.

I mean, he's radical.

Yeah.

That's fine.

Actually, these days, that's like normative.

Because Chava, the red-headed sister.

In a biblical way, I need to see her run off with a non-Jew.

Like, Ted's going to send Tevia

into.

Especially after the pogrom.

I know when like our Judaism and our faith are even more powerful.

And it's like, these are he's people who committed this.

Right.

So the betrayal is even deeper.

No, I'm obsessed.

Expect full recap on Thursday's show.

Tomorrow.

Today we'll be doing the fast five.

And dear toasters, the girlies are writing in and AI is taking a toll on someone's relationship.

Okay, it's time to move to the farm.

It's time to move to a farm.

This morning I watched a video of Ballerina Farm milking one of her new cows.

Classic.

Breaking her in.

She did an amazing job.

I feel like she was really, like, she's obviously, but she had a moment like a month ago, or how long ago was that when like all we talked about was ballerina?

Yeah, like two months ago.

Square Larina.

And everyone was talking about her.

It was, you know, we were talking about her, but then she was the pageant.

It was just like, oh, she was, everything was coming up, ballerina.

She also just gave birth.

Right.

And it was like her eighth child, the eighth wonder of the world.

So it was really,

everything was coming up, ballerina.

And now it's not.

And I feel like she sort of, you know, didn't let it affect her.

Like, she's obviously still milking her own cows, you know?

Yeah.

The fame didn't get to her.

Yeah, no, and she was bringing in a new cow showing like what you should do to get the cow ready.

It's amazing.

It's amazing what she's doing.

It's amazing.

It's giving Fiddler on the roof, honestly.

She's Tevia, the milkwoman.

Tevia, yeah.

He's also the milkman in town.

Highly recommend.

We're watching the 1970s version, which I think is like

the one.

There's one before it, I think.

Jackie and I also then got to talking about how like the movie's really old.

It's a classic.

And we're just waiting.

Like it's going to get redone soon.

It's one of those movies that really needs to get redone every 30 40 years.

Claudia, Claudia said that it should get redone modern.

Please, God, no.

It would be like filled with like Chloe Feynman and like the rabbi from my big ugly bot mitzvah.

That female rabbi.

It would be radicalized.

It would be so offensive.

I want to say, I do think because it's a really old movie, I would love to have it redone, but a few things need to be put in place.

There needs to be a committee that Jackie and I are at the helm of.

An advisory council.

All decisions and casting.

Every decision needs to get passed by the elders.

That's us.

Who else?

I would put on the committee, like,

well, anybody I would put on the committee.

I would Jerry Seinfeld, Jessica Seinfeld, on the committee.

She would be on my committee.

Maybe I could put a Goy in there.

Maybe McKinney could get on there too.

Okay.

Just to preserve the sanctity of this film.

When it comes to casting, it's so hard because who would I want to bestow this honor upon?

I do think Liev Schreiber could play Tevia.

I think Sasha Baron Cohen could play Tevia.

I don't think he's old enough.

He's in his 50s.

Okay.

It's not a bad call.

It's not a bad call, but I do think Lee of Schreiber would do like a better job.

Another name swirling Adam Sandler.

Adam Sandler.

Yeah.

Well there's going to be like a real departure for Adam Sander, like a real character acting like Oscar worthy moment for him.

I think the hardest thing to cast would be the Dorters because I'm sorry, like I will only be casting Jewish actresses and not just any Jewish actress.

It's such a, it's such an important piece of literature in Judaism.

Like you have to be above and beyond in terms of your activism and your pride when it comes to Judaism.

Lee Michelle.

Even though she's not the most proud, but she's an amazing Jewish singer.

By the way, she gets the role of Seidel.

1,000%.

I didn't even think of that.

And you know who's Muddle.

Okay, but you know, Lee Michelle's only half Jewish, but it's fine.

It will allow it.

It's fine.

You know who's Motel?

Let me think, let me think, let me think.

Jonathan, her boyfriend in real life, Jonathan Groff.

He's Jewish, right?

I don't know.

And that wasn't my answer.

Timothy Chalabay.

Singer, actor.

I could see him playing a poor tailor for sure.

I like it.

Now let's move on to the second daughter.

What's her name?

Huddle.

Gourageous girl.

She's like the most beautiful.

Let me think.

Let me think.

I need a list because I like, I don't know who's like.

They're supposed to be young.

Remember, these girls are like probably

18.

They're not old maiden.

Okay, wait.

Well, we have to throw Emmanuel Cheekri in there.

Okay.

But she's, I think, a little aged out of the role.

Say with me, Lacunis.

There's There's no roles for them.

There's no roles for them.

No, there's not.

Sorry.

I didn't know she was Jewish, but and she does sing.

Diana Agron.

There's no role for her.

Okay.

I'm not seeing anyone.

I guess if we can cast Leah Michelle, we can cast Diana Agron.

No, you're right.

Like maybe, maybe we're getting some

no names.

We're discovering some talent.

Yeah.

I mean, I would love to cast myself in there.

Which one would you play?

I mean, Scarjo.

Scarjo needs her.

Scarjo, is she Golda?

That's like kind of

too young for me.

No, but the thing is, what?

She's probably 35, Scarjo.

And like, the girls are 16 to 18.

And then Golda and Tevi are in their 40s, maybe.

I know who plays the teacher radical communist, Adam Brody.

Too old.

Fuck.

No, like Timothy Chalmy and his elk are perfect.

Yeah, but who's like of that age?

Of that elk?

I'm Jewish.

And proud Jewish.

There's a lot of Jews in Hollywood who are truly the woat.

Yeah.

And I won't be casting Ben Platt, even though he's perfect for it.

We'll not be casting Ben Platt.

Will not be casting Platt comma Ben Platt.

But you know what I might do?

I might have him audition and bring him all the way to the end and waste his time and then get him down to like number two while knowing the whole time that he'll never get it.

I'm really trying to, oh, Lily Collins is Jewish because she's giving second daughter.

Yeah.

She's kind of giving it away.

I'll allow it.

So we have work to do.

Sound off in the comments, which prideful Jewish actresses would you cast and actors in Fiddler on the Roof Jackson and Turdy's version?

J and C V.

J and T V.

JTV.

Jackson Claude.

Nicola Taylor's version.

TV.

JTV.

J-TV.

Okay.

So that's something we've been working on, a project we've been talking about.

What have you guys been doing?

A passion project.

A passion project.

Even though I feel firmly, like there's no way that they could redo Fiddler on the Roof and not ruin it.

No, and we're never going to get like an an iconic actor like Topol, who plays Tebia, who we were just researching earlier this morning, ended up being,

he like worked in the government for Israel.

He was like a Mossad spy while using his celebrity to leverage, you know, leveraging his celebrity to do that.

Yeah, he played Tebia on Broadway for like over 30 years.

Not Broadway.

In different versions.

What's the, like everything's adaptation.

Broadway.

Adaptation.

If you're on a stage, it's Broadway.

Dream big.

Couldn't be further from the truth.

But I don't know.

I could see Leo Schreiber also being an agent for Mossad.

I'm voting for Sasha Barron Co.

and I think he'd slay the house down boots.

Sound up in the comments.

Liev or Sasha for Tevia.

Who's your Tevia?

Title.

Who's your Tevia?

Find your Tevia.

No, who's your Tevia?

Yeah.

Like, who's your daddy?

Daddy.

Love that.

But I just want to restate, please don't remake it.

Please.

For the love of God.

And if you do remake it, it is of...

paramount importance that you have some sort of committee in place with the elders of Zion.

That's what the committee is called.

The elders of the protocols of Zion.

The church elders.

Like, that's what they need to keep it in check and make sure they don't go all Hollywood, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's going to be woke.

Tevia is like, you know,

something.

I don't know.

Yeah.

I won't allow it.

Oh, funny to think about.

Now, we have five stories, but we also have deer toasters.

So I'm going to, you know, make an executive decision.

Maybe Tevia like makes almond milk as the milkman because he doesn't want to abuse the cow.

He runs a dairy-free milk farm

that is also a safe space.

Yeah.

And then like,

I'm telling you, Hollywood could do it.

They would make it like crazy.

Yeah.

And I feel like when he's in his barn like singing.

Yeah.

There's some cross-dressing.

For sure.

Like they're, they're going to, the options are endless to how you could ruin this movie.

And we won't allow it.

So now without further ado,

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Are you ready for our first story?

Yes.

Some like kind of unfounded rumor news that I am going to take to be true.

Okay.

Daniel Tosh claims that Kylie is pregnant with Timothy Chalamet's baby.

So Daniel Tosh went on his podcast and said that he was at a Malibu grocery store that had been closed the day before.

And he asked the grocery store worker why they were closed.

And he said, oh, well, I can't say, but they were filming the Kardashians here yesterday, their show.

And so they shut down the whole grocery store.

And in the scene at the grocery store, Kylie tells her family that she is pregnant with Timothy Chalamet's baby.

So

let's first talk about like the validity, potential validity of the rumor.

I will say, I really appreciate him explaining how he found this out.

It sounds plausible.

It's not like the craziest thing I've ever heard.

No, I think that...

As far as merit, there's very little here.

You know, a grocery, why would they announce her pregnancy in a grocery store?

That's the fatal flaw of the of the rumor is that

even if she didn't want to make it like the biggest deal ever she certainly wouldn't do share something that's clearly very secretive and under wraps in a grocery store in public she would like invite everyone over to her house right so

i don't think that what daniel tosh heard is true i don't and tmz has already said that it's not true

but I want it to be true.

And so I'm holding space for both things, like realizing it's probably not true, but then like a little bit of like getting my hopes up, like what if?

How fun.

Oh my gosh, should I get pregnant now?

Like I want to be pregnant with Kylie.

No, and like Timothy as a dad.

That's a really like strong, like, you know, burger within the backbone.

No, like, seriously, if you got pregnant because Kylie, what's there anyway?

Not even that because there was a rumor.

Oh, right.

And then it turns out not to be true.

And here you are, like, pregnant.

No, it was just, it was a joke, you guys.

But that's how much I love this idea that she's pregnant.

Sign up for the company.

It makes me want to get pregnant.

If you think Jackie's not joking.

I just feel like you're always looking for an excuse to get pregnant, honestly.

That could be.

Could be.

It has less to do with Kylie and more to do with me.

Yeah.

It's not like you being like, Kylie's pregnant.

I'm going.

I'm on my way.

No, but like, let's say Taylor announced she was pregnant.

Like, I would seriously, like, start trying tomorrow.

I feel like she's one of the people who's like.

would affect you.

Yes, that's what I'm saying.

And there are people who don't affect you.

Anyone older than you doesn't affect you, even though Taylor's older than you, but she kind of

she's been a holdout like you.

Yeah, like when Jackie, whenever someone announces they're pregnant, Jackie's like, how does this mean?

I'm like, pulse check.

Pulse check.

Are your ovaries tingling?

If it's someone older than me, I never think much of it.

Like, it's, yeah, that's what you should be doing.

I'm 12.

I'm 12 and you're older.

I'm a bigger maiden.

Yeah.

When it's someone younger than me or my age, like, it's a real tough loss.

I'm not going to lie.

And I always come up with a reason to be like, it's fine.

If Kylie were pregnant with her third child, it would mean nothing to me.

It would mean nothing to you.

Cause like she's just like.

You're on different tracks at this point.

When I was 21, if I was a billionaire, I might also have three children now.

Okay.

If Kendall were pregnant, would it mean anything to you?

Zilch.

Okay, but if Taylor were pregnant.

pregnant, I would be like, oh, sure.

She might be the only like celebrity.

I feel like it means more when people in your life get pregnant, not celebrities.

No, no, no, no, I'm doing both.

Yeah.

I'm doing both.

I'm holding space for both.

Yeah.

So probably not true.

Really hoping that it is.

I would love that for them.

I fully like love and adore Kylie and Timothy.

And I hope that she has his babies today.

And it's not the most outlandish, like the message of the rumor, the actual rumor itself, isn't the craziest concept.

Like Kylie already has two kids.

They low-key have been together for a while if they're still together.

That's another thing is like, we haven't heard from them in a while.

And the last thing we heard was like, maybe that they're broken up.

Remember when she said she didn't want to talk about it in that interview?

Like, so I don't know.

Like, either they're having a baby or they're not together.

That's how weird rumors can be.

But that's how life works.

Like, you either shit or get off the pot.

You don't keep sitting on it.

Love that.

So I hope there's a baby here and that Daniel Tosh's sources are correct.

It's possible.

What What do you think?

When I heard it, I don't know.

It wasn't the craziest thing.

I feel like it could be true.

But if TMZ already said it's not.

But maybe they want to protect, like, maybe Chris was like, you shut that shit down.

No, but if they're so protective over this rumor, she wouldn't be saying it in a public grocery store.

Right.

She would have done it at her house.

Right.

Literally like in the plane.

It doesn't make, it doesn't add up.

Yeah.

I'm going to say no.

Damn.

It's too bad.

It is too bad.

Maybe one day.

Another Jewish Kardashian.

We love.

Love.

To play in Fiddler on the roof totally are you ready for our next story yes something that's kind of a follow-up to a story from last week which i didn't get to discuss with you but that was caitlin clark she signed to the wmba making a paltry salary for a professional basketball player but paltry mean like low yeah of course it was like 300 000 over a couple of years yeah just about it was like 70 per year

more or less She just set a new Nike deal valued at $28 million over eight years.

Okay.

So Caitlin Clark's getting her payday.

Because when Ben and I were talking about this, we were talking about how low the salary was, but that she'll probably make about 10.

That's what Ben thought in endorsements.

And I think she already works with State Farm, which is obviously, you know, a big, high-paying company.

So, wow.

Okay.

This is great.

I'm so glad that she's getting her payday, which we knew was coming her way.

And it's not going to come from the WNBA because, you know, you guys don't watch it and you never will.

And stop complaining about their payday when you don't watch it.

Yeah.

But then I saw Dave Portnoy's take on on this, and he thinks that this is so criminally low for her.

$28 million.

$28 million over eight years.

He's

actually, yeah.

Like as a point of reference, Devin Booker got $50 million for five years, $10 million a year.

And like Dave Portnoy said, every girl who plays basketball is going to buy these shoes.

Like every girl, period, she's going to out-earn this so quickly and that this is insultingly low.

You know what?

I agree.

Yeah.

Because Nike's like, well, they pay just insane amounts of money.

And Devin Booker is really good and really popular.

And he's not and relevant in culture.

But he's not the number one of his gender.

When you think about his, you know, standing at the basketball players of all time, he's kind of like irrelevant.

Yeah.

And she's like the best female basketball player.

She's the number one of her gender, and that's 50% of the market.

Yeah.

Do you think it's 50% of the shoes sold by Nike are women?

Oh, that's a great question.

No.

Especially isn't it?

Nike is.

Jordan is part of Nike, I think.

The Air Jordan, right?

The movie?

I think so, yeah.

Right.

So, I mean, that's like a huge seller.

But I wear

Jordans.

Right.

So

they sell to both.

Google it.

What percentage of Nike sales are men and women?

Okay.

That was a fair point.

Because honestly.

Do you think any men will buy her shoe?

No.

Caitlin Clark, but they were going to,

listen.

So Caitlin Clark, I want to say it's like the LeBron.

Yes.

What did LeBron get paid?

Now, she didn't get this.

But she should get the same percentage of her market.

But then to also think that

32% of women.

Okay.

That's pretty high.

It's not half, but it's high.

And how many women basketball players have sneakers with Nike?

Like, she's kind of cannibalizing all the Nike basketball sneakers, whereas they have Devin Booker, this one, that one, this one, that one.

She's the only one.

Yeah.

It is low.

I like that take.

I'm happy she's getting $28 million, but like that.

She deserves more.

Because she will probably sell more.

She should also, I'm sure, and maybe she has this like in the deal.

If she outsells, she should get a percentage of sales.

So So that way the more she sells, the more she makes.

If she doesn't sell, she doesn't make.

Great.

I do really wonder what she doesn't make aside from her 28 million.

I do wonder what sort of impact the Caitlin Clark saga will have on WNBA ticket sales, viewership, if any, because people really do love to.

And when I saw it, I was like, holy shit, that's so low.

And I did then nothing after that to support the WNBA.

It's not something interesting.

You've been streamed WNBA.

I didn't follow any of the teams.

Like, it's just not something of interest to me.

So I do wonder, because this is probably for the first time in a really long time where we're having that conversation about the wmba is there gonna be an impact we'll soon find out i think so because people were referencing the final that she played in was like the most watch game ever for that category so i do think that would translate into wmba viewership in some way in some way to what degree i couldn't say we will find out i will be really really curious

Yeah.

And before you come out, I don't watch men's basketball either.

So I said that with Mary when I said, I'm not not at fault here because I don't watch either.

Ben has been like begging me to watch the Knicks during the playoffs.

Like you couldn't get me to care.

I don't know why.

And is he begging you to watch the WNBA?

No.

So it's his fault.

Yes.

Blame Ben.

Love that.

When in doubt.

When in doubt.

No, but seriously, like Ben, we shout.

It's so crazy how everyone was so up in arms, but it's like, are you watching the WNBA?

No, and I really will.

I had a lot of respect for Tanya Rad posting like, you know, she was up in arms too, Modern Woman.

And then she told everyone all the things she was doing.

She bought a jersey.

She was putting her money where her mouth is.

That is actual.

Like, you actually care, but just to sit and then complain and then not do anything, well, you're part of the problem.

Tanya Rogers at here are the teams I follow.

Here's what I bought.

Here's what I'm doing.

Because she, like, that, like, you actually care.

She's action-solution-oriented.

Solution-oriented.

And the rest of you guys, not the Twisters, because you're wonderful people, but you know, people, society at large, are performative.

Just like complaining for the sake of complaining.

Yeah, a lot of talk, no action.

Old talk, no action.

So congrats, Caitlin Clark.

You deserve more.

You deserve more.

Well, I'm hoping there are other sponsorships.

Obviously, this is, you know, an exclusive when it comes to like apparel, probably sneakers, of course.

But there are other partnerships out there.

Like I said, State Farm would be great for her.

She's had deals with Gatorade.

Love.

Yeah.

So.

Keep on shining.

What does deals mean?

Deals could mean an Instagram post, you know?

I want a multi-year contract.

She had a $4 million, a six,

she received offers of over $16 million over four years from Under Armour.

$6 million over four years from Adidas.

Are you guys fucking kidding?

Disgraceful.

And I feel like these are the brands that are always trying to like move the needle on progress and like social change.

And it's like, put your money where your mouth is.

So true.

Put your money where your big fat mouth is.

Oh, she told you, bitches.

All of you.

Adidas.

$6 million.

You should be ashamed.

You should be seriously ashamed.

How much you give Kanye.

Facts.

Facts of life.

The facts of life.

They should be like seriously ashamed that that got out.

No, also like, dude, this is a German company, correct?

All day I dream about sports.

All day I dream about Hitler.

Like, adi dog.

They actually, Loki should have done more, like, when it came to Kanye, given their background, you know?

Yeah.

Given their nationality.

I feel like they did everything that they did.

They didn't.

I'm clowning on them.

I feel as though they did the right thing, but it was just.

What did they wind up doing with all those sneakers?

Also, people are still buying Yeezys.

Like

they were kind of in an impossible situation.

People are still buying Yeezys, except the real, real, and I need them to buy mine.

No, they're buying again.

Are they?

Okay, I like how this box.

Yeah.

No.

Of never worns.

And you're not going to wear them.

They're so fucking ugly.

Oh.

Like, it's crazy.

That's why we were brainwashed.

It was, no, I didn't buy them.

We got them for free from our gift when we released Kanye's song for him.

a decision I don't regret.

And that was like my gift.

I guess that was like my payment.

And I want to sell them.

Yeah.

I'm not going to throw them away.

You can sell them.

They're accepting.

They sell Yeezy and they're accepting Yeezy.

Like, are they going for a good price?

Don't worry.

They're also doing Blunt Siaga still.

Right.

Correct.

Yeah.

But it's so funny how their big announcement of canceling Yeezy was so loud and now it's like back.

Now it's back.

Yeah.

Quietly.

Standing for nothing.

Everyone stands for nothing.

That's what I'm trying to say, you guys.

Except the toast.

So do your thing, man.

I'ma do my thing.

Yeah.

Everyone is so unscrupled.

It's it's seriously farcical.

It's laughable.

It's so funny.

Yeah.

And they never don't disappoint.

Are you ready for our next story?

I guess.

What number?

Three.

Yes.

Some Instagram drama in the Bierman family.

Oh, my God.

I'm so glad we're talking about that.

Ariana Bierman is slamming Kim Zolsiak's clickbait post, implying that Corey Bierman has died.

Okay.

So Kim Zolsiak's latest clickbait post has given her daughter secondhand an embarrassment through the roof.

So she said on TikTok that she had a damn near heart attack when she saw her mom's black and white Instagram photo with her dad Croy Bierman and it was captioned hashtag rip broken heart emoji hashtag link and bio.

So okay, so Kim Zolsiak does this thing and a couple of housewives have done it over the years.

It's the Joe Judice special.

It's the Joe Judice special where they're getting paid to post links to like fake tabloid news stories.

that are very clickbaity that are full of fake news but they get paid to share those articles on their social media, giving them a little bit more credence.

People do click it because it's like, wait, this is from, yeah, it's like Teresa Judas used to do it a lot.

I think that was like before, you know, Jersey definitely made like a resurgence and she was still paying her restitution.

So like she needed the money.

Kim has been doing it so much recently.

I feel like it's really.

emblematic, if you will, of her dire financial circumstances.

And both of her daughters had, have been speaking out about it on social media because a couple of weeks ago, she used this picture.

Brielle, I think a couple of years ago, something happened.

She, she either got into a car accident or she got her wisdom teeth taken out.

There's like a picture of her in a hospital with like a tube in her mouth.

Like it looks way worse than it is.

And she had posted it at the time being like, I'm doing well.

Thank you so much.

Kim posted that photo being like, prayers for Brielle, Lincoln bio.

And Brielle and Ariana like posted on social media, like on their TikTok being like, like they're, this is out of their control.

They obviously are not getting approving this.

And they're both been speaking out.

And this Corey one is the latest one.

I understand the entire financial circumstances, but it's really crazy to like use

the idea of your husband and children being dead or injured or hospitalized for clickbait.

Like it's really crazy.

I just want to say, maybe I'm so social media literate, but when I saw this hashtag rip, like I thought it was like rip the relationship because it was a picture of the two of them.

It wasn't a picture of just Croy.

Oh.

I also feel like Brielle and Ariana need to kind of grow up.

Like

mommy's making money.

Wow.

Kim should always fire off a text in the group chat.

All's well.

Bout to post.

The thing is, I don't know if the family is at a point right now and I don't know much, but I don't know if they're in a group chat type of place.

Like I think they're all really, I think they're really broken.

You think they're not speaking?

Like I do.

Brianna and Ariana

aren't speaking to their mom.

I think things are worse than we know, honestly.

Really?

That's just the vibe that I get.

I don't know that to be true for certain, but also

you said something and I don't think we I think we need to stress the importance of you are extremely social media literate and you have to think about like bravo fans and social media users older women like they are not nearly as cheating falling for it and that's why they're swiping up and that's why she's getting paid the big bucks but i'm saying brianna and ariana need to do better like know that yeah yeah yeah it's real it's a crazy thing to do and that makes me sad to think that they're not close i was operating from the premise like oh they're close and they're posting these follow-up stories that are also it's all part of the cycle right because now we're talking about their stories and we're all sort of winning here but like if you really saw your mom's story and thought that that was real like

you should know better by now i follow ariana on tick tock and just the vibe that i get is like she's mad at her mom honestly but i don't know i don't know but she's close with brielle i think the sisters are good yeah i'm just gonna call them brianna from i like that the sisters are good that's good and are they good with croy and are kim and croy still together or hashtag rib unclear

i you know what i need

hmm

I need to sit down one-on-one, Andy.

He's done it with Luanne.

I think the issue is that he would sit down with her today and tomorrow things would be different.

You know, they're so back and forth.

I need a state of the union Bierman version.

Like, I need to know.

I really don't know what's going on in the marriage.

I don't know what's going on financially.

I don't know what's going on with the sisters and their relationship with their mom.

And this is a family I've invested years of my life to.

I guess I haven't been keeping up at all.

So I'm kind of where they left me, which is like, this is a happy family.

No, I follow them all on social media.

I'm like, it's really bad.

But Briella's, I feel like, you know, if you watch the show, she was like 18 and like, you know, her and her mom were like really close to the point where I think it was stifling her growth.

She didn't want to go to college.

She didn't want to move out.

She did move out and moved back home.

She loved being with her mom.

She loved being at home with the chef and the kids.

And now that she's engaged, I feel like she's really grown up a lot in the last year or two, in part because she has this relationship, but also in part because things have sort of fallen apart at home.

And I do feel like she's sort of like out of it.

I think she

got engaged in Nashville, remember, or somewhere else outside of her home.

Her family wasn't there.

Okay, but let me see like what the comments on her posts.

Like if and I follow Briella on all social media platforms.

She's one of my favorite people to follow.

Yeah, me too.

Okay, engagement pictures.

Did Kim comment?

Good question.

But I feel like Kim's social media activity cannot be like, it cannot be an indication of anything that's really going on because

I feel like Kim's just like kind of like lost it, honestly.

Okay, but if she did comment, like it's so far down, which doesn't really make sense.

Let me go see if like they follow each other.

I feel like they definitely follow follow each other if i had to guess yes it's devastating news did oh kim posted about the engagement i'm happy for brielle nothing makes me happier than seeing my kids happy it's the best feeling ever love you both to the moon and back and look forward to all the years to come now did brielle comment

no

did brielle like

yes I feel like Kim's posting on social media, like all is copacetic, all is good.

And what I get from the girls is social media is that there's more to it.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

That's what I'm getting from this.

It's like, there's not comments, but there's likes, even though that doesn't always mean something's negative because I like all of Margo's stuff, but apparently I don't comment enough.

Oh yeah, Margo's like kind of been like, she's been coming for the whole family that we don't comment on her stuff.

I don't comment on anything.

I just like.

Marco's also a shadow banned for me.

I was talking about that on the Patreon yesterday.

Marco joined the Patreon yesterday.

We did a video and audio episode with a tortured poets department recap talking about theories, our favorite lyrics, favorite songs, hot take.

You know, some of us, you know, we're over Jack Antonov.

But in the beginning, we did a proper catch up with the snitch because she she hasn't been on the toast in a while.

I just know Jack Antonoff would be on the soundtrack for Fiddler on the Roof producing.

Get rid of him.

You know who needs to be?

Oh, oh my God.

Wait, I'm so sorry.

I was thinking this last night.

Do you know who needs to be in it?

I think he would be great as the role of second daughter's radical socialist friend.

Josh Groban.

He's Jewish.

He is.

Yes.

Okay, he's a little old, but it's easier for men.

Yes.

And also he could be old.

Well, he came from university in Kiev, so like he's supposed to be 20, but okay.

Josh Groban.

Yeah.

And I need him to be on the soundtrack.

To lend his vocals.

Yeah.

And who's the guy who did the Beauty and the Beast soundtrack who we always talk about?

Alan Mankin.

Mankin.

And Bill Condon.

I need them both involved in the project.

And then who's the other?

Oh, Hans Zimmer.

He's good.

You know who I want on it?

A trusted, not a Jew, but a trusted musician.

Let me think.

Not a Jew, but a trusted musician.

Kevin Mayer.

I don't know.

There could be a million.

David Foster.

Agreed.

Agreed.

And he gives like Elders of Zion energy as well.

Yeah.

No, he's.

He doesn't feel radical to me.

He's approved.

Like, it can't be.

I guess you could do like an all-Jewish production, but like, there's no need.

And they're talented Goyam.

Yeah.

Like.

They deserve the job too.

Yeah.

If they can contribute the language.

And like lighting directors.

Yeah.

Oh, of course.

No, some of the PAs don't have to be Jewish.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just like on camera.

Yeah.

Like the important roles.

Yeah.

I think that's so fair.

Me too.

So Corey Bierman is alive.

Thank God.

Baruch Hashem.

Rich Hashem.

there is a God.

Are you ready for our next story?

What number?

Four.

No.

Okay.

Is it our next story that's brought to you, perhaps, by Quince?

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You can watch it in the Starz app.

It's fabulous.

It's sexy.

It's period piece.

The costuming is fabulous.

The set design is gorgeous.

Great characters, great story.

And you learn something about history.

And we love learning things.

You know what we love to do here at the Toast?

Listen and learn.

So when we sit down to watch Mary and George, what are we doing?

We are listening and we are learning.

Thank you, La.

You're welcome.

Our next story is a bit of shopping retail trending news.

Okay, S-R-T-N.

Walmart is removing self-checkouts and swapping back to traditional lanes in two of its stores, which do signal kind of a landmark movement.

Right, in the works, they're going to do the rest.

In the biggest retailer.

Now, they say

they're replacing the kiosks with staffed checkout lanes, which will give our associates the chance to provide more personalized and efficient service.

But the truth is it's because of theft.

Because people are using the self-checkout lanes, not swiping everything.

And they are seeing those negative impacts in their bottom line.

But the thing is, like.

Why now put a nice employee who's just trying to do their job potentially in harm's way with a with a crime with a criminal?

I think criminal is going to criminal, right?

They're not also going through the checkout line to do their thing.

Yeah, right.

But I do think the self-checkout lines have kind of made everyday criminals out of people who maybe wouldn't have been.

Cause it's like, who's gonna know if I don't swipe this?

Two water bottles.

Right.

Instead of one.

And I'm just not me.

No, I've never.

I'm a law-abiding citizen, like a fucking fool.

Actually, you know, the one time I did steal something, it was completely on accident.

And it was at a self-checkout line at a CBS.

And I went back the next day when I was in college because I was really sick.

So I I went and I bought, you know, all, I bought a heating pad, I bought all the drugs over the counter and I forgot to pay for the heating pad and it was like $40.

So I brought it back the next day because I felt really bad.

Cool.

A fool's errand.

Cool.

But, you know, even for someone who's not trying to be a criminal, people doing their absolute best to use the self-checkout machine properly, even they could end up either just through

human error or pure fatigue.

Like it's not scanning.

It's not scanning.

It's a $3 pack, a three cent pack of gum.

I'm throwing it in the bag.

Yes, I could see how that might happen too i think there are degrees to the theft ongoing one just criminal activity being of course of course has really not much to do with the self-checkout machine two people kind of realizing they can get away with stuff intentionally stealing you know but not thousands of dollars but a thing there and there but it adds up if everyone's doing it and then three human error oh i thought that scanned it didn't pick up i didn't see everything in my card no i'm certainly not gonna like work super hard to double check that everything in my baskets scanned properly the right amount of times times.

Right.

I definitely, I'm definitely like, you know, laissez-faire when it comes to the self-checkout.

Yeah.

I think this is kind of a big deal if this is what it means for stores that, you know, Walmart's one of the biggest stores in the country, but this must be happening on smaller levels everywhere else.

Plus, I'm sure, you know, not having to pay people.

They're

saving them money, but they did build these big machines.

You know how I feel about a self-checkout machine.

It's crazy because on the one hand, I find them so frustrating and they're not intuitive.

And that frustrates me.

But on the other hand, I don't like talking to people.

So you would think like I would go for the self-checkout.

But I'm a traditional girl.

I like the lane.

Well, I want to say that, you know, we've all now just started to really be able to manage the self-checkouts just as we're conquering them.

They take them all.

I'm just checking self-checkout literacy.

But I do feel like having one in a store or two is so, super helpful.

You know, everyone's been in a grocery store where you literally are buying two things and the person in front of you is buying, you know, for a small nation and it's frustrating.

And having that option is super helpful.

But if people can't control themselves, this is why we can have nice things.

And, you know, we will suffer.

The common man who's not a criminal will suffer.

Well, they do have express lanes.

They're never open.

And this is the way we've grocery shopped for decades.

Yeah.

So.

It's crazy.

We're literally moving backwards.

Yeah.

As a society.

And you're right.

Even though it's two Walmart stores, it's obviously a test to see how it goes.

It will probably be a bigger rollout.

And Walmart is the biggest retail chain in this country.

Everyone's going to follow what they do.

Everyone already does follow them.

I'm sure everyone's like been, you know, in secret meetings, being like, these machines kind of stink and we're profits are lower.

It's disgraceful.

So you played yourselves, everyone.

I don't know what, I don't know what the windup was on whether or not people like these machines.

You know what?

When I see them and because I'm a capable human being, I like them.

You flock to them.

I do.

Now, I imagine an elder person

might not.

And that's why we should have options for everyone.

Yeah.

But the future would be to have no

real future, I guess, is how they have.

Have you ever been to one of those like Amazon Go stores where you like sign up with your Amazon account?

And then when you walk out, they scan everything that's in your basket and you don't have to pay.

You just walk out with the basket.

Interesting.

Well, I use Apple Pay, so I live in the year 3000.

Yeah, we're kind of living in the year 3000.

Yeah, I've been to the year 3,000.

Not much has changed, but I use Apple Pay.

So, yeah, you're kind of not on my level.

Deal with it.

You know, it's so funny.

Have the Jonas Brothers ever outsold Kelly Clarkson?

Like she remained on top, you know, all these years later.

We had outsold Kelly Clarkson.

Yeah, Dreamon.

Dreamon.

Dreamon.

Maybe they did.

Keep canceling those European legs.

Kelly had a few dark years.

Yeah.

And I think that that's kind of her Roman Empire and the chip on her shoulder.

And I'm sure in those years, like

her managers were probably like, if only you were like the Jonas Brothers.

But I want to say, I feel like Kelly's dark years kind of like lined up perfectly with the Jonas Brothers dark years, where they were off.

Like DNC probably never outsold Kelly Clarkson.

Jealous by Nick Jonas might have.

Yeah, it depends what you consider her dark years because I feel like there was two things.

One, when her record label, like kind of, she had to switch record labels after American Idol.

That was when we got that album.

One of her really early albums, like,

let me see which one it was.

I know the cover.

That was like a dark time for her.

But then I feel like there was also a time

that wasn't a dark time, but she was criminally underrated.

My December.

And industry people like wouldn't be a good thing.

This is Kelly's Roman Empire, where they were trying to make her someone she wasn't.

She had to switch record labels because of American Idol.

You don't know any of these songs, really.

You know what we need?

Oh my God.

We need a Kelly Clarkson documentary.

Yeah, we do.

And I would say all I ever wanted in stronger were when she was like taking her power back, but she wasn't getting the praise she deserves because those are some of the greatest albums.

We really, really, really need a Kelly Clarkson documentary.

I agree.

Like a five-part series.

Or a memoir.

Memoirs of a Kelly.

Like, yeah, but I feel like

documentaries just like have a way more people watch documentaries than read, you know?

Like, and we need it to have the most sort of impact on the culture.

No, but the thing is, Kelly has her flowers now.

So it's not like people's minds need to be changed.

I just feel like for Kelly, she has a chip.

She hides it better.

All great women do.

She hides it better than us.

She's got a chip on her side.

I just know like she's thinking, like, where were you for me in 2007?

Yeah.

And I'll tell you, Kelly, I was listening.

She was.

She was.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

Yes.

Some legal news.

The Senate passes the TikTok ban bill setting up a legal battle between the app and the U.S.

on First Amendment issues.

So this thing is just like chugging along.

Chugga-luggal-lugging.

I just never know.

No, and it's like.

So it does it need to still pass the House?

No.

Is TikTok open today?

I also don't know.

I feel like a couple of years ago, like we got to this inflection point again and still nothing happened.

So it's hard to like almost take it seriously because it's sort of giving Boy Who Cried Wolf energy.

Yeah.

The U.S.

Senate voted on Tuesday to approve a bill that would ban TikTok nationwide unless Chinese parent company Byte Dan sells its stake in the popular app.

The development will likely result in a court battle between the U.S.

and TikTok, which argues that the legislation violates the First Amendment.

And if TikTok loses that fight, there's a real chance it could be shut off for Americans.

It's a big if, though.

Yeah, a lot of ifs have to happen.

They could also sell.

Correct.

Which is what was supposed to happen last time.

If an American company bought it, all issues go out the window, correct?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Legally.

For this sake.

Yeah.

It's interesting precedent.

It is.

I would say.

It's so crazy.

Of course, I have selfish interests in TikTok being banned.

Yeah, you do.

Me too.

I don't have enough followers on there.

So

if you were like in charge, and not based on constitution, but based on like your personal preference, do you want TikTok to be banned?

Oh, that's such a good question.

And don't worry about the precedent or like first amendment issues because that takes all the fun out of it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let me think.

Let me think.

I

think you woke up tomorrow and TikTok, no one could open TikTok anymore.

The crazy thing is like my, like, I love TikTok and I spend a lot of time on there.

I don't think it would affect me so much.

It certainly wouldn't affect my business, which I think is great.

That's why I'm not worrying about this the way other creators are.

Yeah.

Creators who's, and so many, this was like, you know, during COVID, so many people quit their jobs, became full-time creators, and they don't have that sort of audience or engagement on other platforms.

They're not like multi-platform creators.

They're just TikTok creators.

And that certainly poses an issue for them.

And I'm sympathetic.

Fascinating.

Answer the question.

No, I wouldn't ban TikTok.

I love it.

You don't want to wake up tomorrow and not be able to access TikTok.

I mean, I think it would be really actually amazing for my mental health and my productivity, but like, who wants that?

You know?

Okay.

We don't even need to.

I say no.

I say yes.

We know.

I wasn't going to ask you the question back.

Oh, yeah.

I do also like,

there's so many different answers.

Like if you ask me from any sort of perspective, for the youth and for my future children, yes, I want it banned.

I think it's destructive for the health and sanity and the well-being.

I mean, look at this generation.

Yeah.

They're radicalized isn't even the right word.

And I do think TikTok's a part of that.

I think a lot of them go on social media and become radicalized and end up loving Osama bin Laden.

Yeah.

And you hate to see it.

So yes, for that reason, yes.

Okay.

For my own personal entertainment, but that's because I'm sound of mind.

And I can't say that about everybody.

Right.

But don't you feel like it's hard to constantly keep these two things apart?

Like to, to fight against the rising tides of TikTok trying to brainwash you?

Do you find that to be hard?

Do you like, do you, do I find, find it hard to not get brainwashed, you mean?

Yeah.

And just like to constantly be fighting against like what you've, you know, they're trying to do to you.

No, no.

Like I said, I am sound of mind and I'm principled and I know who I am and I know what I stand for.

A lot of people can't say that.

And a lot of, and that's not an insult to them.

A lot of it has to do with age and it being an app that targets young people while also

it's not.

It's not.

So um yeah i guess i guess okay well we look forward to more conversations because it seems like you know this is a shot of talk no action yet old talk no like and court cases go on forever right i should be a jury member on this trial You're literally not impartial.

No, no, no.

I would be the first one sent home.

They would kick you off immediately.

Speaking of jurors, let's talk about the conspiracy theory that juror number nine in the current trial against Donald Trump is a toaster.

Now, they released a lot of information about the jurors.

And I've not been been following this, but I follow Moshe on Instagram.

And I was like, wait, what is this?

And I'm going to pull it up.

And I have more to the theory.

Obviously, like, it's really difficult to

find jurors because you need to be impartial.

But everyone who lives in America in some way is political.

So they did this thing where they had all the jurors and they released information about the jurors.

Now, jurors are, of course, anonymous, but they released information about the jurors, basically saying

here's where they get their news.

And here's what sort of media they're into.

Now, a lot of people, there was one guy who listened to Smartlist.

They named dropped Smartlist.

He said it was his favorite podcast.

Oh, some of them said, I like at my information from NPR.

So, juror number nine, please read the statistics of juror number nine.

I'm trying to find it.

How many days ago?

Yeah, like three days.

And it was like a blue and white graphic, blue and white, black text.

No, I know, but there's always a cover photo first, you know.

Hold on, you want me to look to it?

Yeah,

the testimony began, which means they already picked the jurors.

He posts so many times a day, right?

What would you pick for a picture of jury people?

Like a courtroom of

nose.

We'll get it.

It's important.

It is important.

Jura number nine.

Reveal yourselves.

You're listening now.

Reveal yourselves.

I feel like I'm too far down.

Me too.

Two weeks ago.

Yeah, no, it wasn't.

It was this week while we were together.

Okay, now I'm just going to have to do this.

Let me see.

Oh, no.

Like, what is more uninteresting than this?

Two people scrolling on their phones.

You guys just like,

you'll be okay.

Got it.

Where was it?

Juror number nine.

She listens to podcasts about reality TV and gets the New York Times and CNN newsletters.

Now, the latter half doesn't really sound like a toaster, but the first half, she listens to podcasts about reality TV.

However, I do want to say, if this person was a true toaster, they would know how much like this media moment meant to us and they would have name-dropped.

Perhaps, but no, that's why I feel like the media is censoring us.

I feel like it is, that's why it makes me feel like it is the toast.

But they had no problem saying, oh, this is.

Juror number seven is married with children and likes the podcast Smartless and Car Talk.

Right.

They had no problem dropping those, but they don't want to give us any shine.

That's why I feel like it's us.

Well, juror number nine, I'm sure you're listening to this in between, you know, maybe on your lunch break, ignoring the other jurors.

And if you are listening to this and this message does make your way and you are a toaster, let me tell you this.

Reach out.

We will, of course, not reveal your identity.

No, but like she seriously can't.

You can't.

I know.

You can't identify after you can.

Yeah.

And I hope she gives an exclusive interview to the toast.

But if you mess around with this stuff, like, well, first of all, they'll kick you off the jury.

And then we have no toast trial.

Then we have no toasters.

We're not getting involved.

We're not getting involved.

Of course not.

We would never.

But Journal number mine is a toaster.

And we've been meaning to mention that.

And you sound amazing.

Okay.

Good luck.

Good luck, Beth.

Vote for L.

Vote for L.

Next up is Dear Toasters, our weekly advice segment that we do every Wednesday here at the Toast, where you can write into us via email, deertoas at gmail.com, or you can head over to our website, the toastpodcast.com, and there's a little submission box.

It's totally anonymous.

If there's something going on in your life and you're like, I really would love to hear the swirlies, you have a weekly opportunity to do that.

So today we have three great submissions from three girlies in need.

Okay.

And our first one is tackling a very popular, debatable, widely debated subject here in America, AI.

Hey, swirlies.

Let me cut to the chase.

My boyfriend was having sexual conversations with an AI robot chat.

It had been going on for quite some time, so it wasn't just a one-time thing.

He said he thought it was a real person, which I don't know if that makes it better or worse.

How big of a red flag is that thing?

That's cheating.

He thought it was a real person.

That makes it so much worse.

Makes it worse.

By the way, let's go both routes.

He either really thought it was a human being, which is worse.

He's cheating on you emotionally

verbally.

But let's say he thought it was an AI robot.

He knew it was an AI robot and was like fucking around AI.

He's a freak.

Yeah.

And red flag, goodbye.

Like, break up.

No, he's cheating on you, period.

Break up up with your

good eye chat.

Cause he's bored.

Like, goodbye.

And also,

I don't know.

I feel like he knew it was an AI.

And that's weird.

Like, he's robot sexual.

No, no, it's giving that movie.

It's giving ex-Machina.

Did you ever see that movie?

One day they're going to like clip this.

They're like, she said a robot sexual.

It's a rugged story.

No, but did you ever see Ex Machina?

No.

He like falls in love with Alicia Vikander and she's a robot.

And then she ends up like locking him in the house for all eternity.

But

he was a freak.

And look, he fucked around and found out because he ended up dying.

So your boyfriend could end up dead.

Do you want a dead boyfriend?

No.

Break, like, we hate to always...

We hate to always, when people write in about their relationships, we're always inclined to say, this is fucking weird, break out with your boyfriend.

And we try to reserve breakup.

We always try to work through things, but this is very clearly a breakup with your boyfriend situation.

So rip to this relationship, but good news is that you're single.

Where are we going?

Mexico?

All right, next up.

Hey, Jackson Turtle, I'm a huge fan.

I look forward to listening to you guys every day and I need some advice.

My husband of three years is truly amazing and I love him dearly.

However, in the last six months, he has become an actual doomsday prepper.

He's always been someone who has kept up with world news on a normal level, but lately he has been off his rocker.

I'm talking, we have an entire room full of dehydrated food, survival kits, gas masks, emergency plans, et cetera.

And don't even get me started on the survival shows he insists us watching every night after we both have worked all day.

It's becoming annoying to listen to and it's also getting hella expensive.

Am I being a naggy bitch wife or should I just tell him enough?

Love a toaster who may or may not be in a bunker by the time you're reading this.

Okay, like here's the thing.

Are you a doomsday prepper?

I'm not a doomsday prepper, but like I sympathize and

I um

like he's not entirely wrong for all that, but the thing is, like even if you're a doomsday person and you really think like all these things are coming, you still have to like live your life.

And if it's this, like there's always a little prep, always good, you know, a judy kit.

That's what I was going to say.

I'm not a doomsday prepper, but I have kits in my closet.

I have the judy's.

A million things could always happen, you know, but you cannot live every single day of your life as if the world is ending because like then you're not living.

Right.

And you might as well seriously, the world might be over for you because you're not enjoying life.

So I love a man who's prepared for all eventual fatality outcomes, but he's got to get on with life and he just needs like a little bit of perspective.

And I feel like you can support him in his prep because at the end of the day, he's like looking out for you guys, but he has to live his life and enjoy.

And you, okay, so now you have the dehydrated jams.

Like you're good.

The gas masks.

Let's go to the lake.

The gas masks is crazy.

It's good to to have a gas mask.

No, of course.

But to spend your personal free time, like where you would otherwise be entertained, consuming more content on survival, like it's true.

You're not living life to the fullest.

And like let him know that he's more prepared than anyone else.

And the thing is, if things like, if there was something that he didn't watch that he needed to watch and you guys like don't make it because of that, then like it wasn't meant to be.

You know, you can't, you have to kind of like let things go or they will literally like drive you into a bunker underground.

No, it's true.

And this is truly how like crazy, like, you know, you hear those stories about like the couple who lived underground for 40 years because you thought, thought this is how it starts no it's like the book educated you should give him that book and be like do you want to end up like them no oh i like that that's a great dear toasters where we also recommend a book to the person in need yeah you should read that book great what's it called educated okay the true story I really like the be like, this is what our kids are going to, this is going to be their life if like you don't stop this.

Leave the jams, leave the dehydration and the gas mask.

Like they're over there.

Don't worry.

Let's go have a drink at the bar.

Let's go, girls.

Yeah.

I love that.

Okay.

A book recommendation for deer toasters.

Yeah.

And like also seeing him, you know, recognizing like, of course, things could happen.

Thank you for preparing for us.

We can't live our life like this.

We can't go on it like this any longer.

All right.

Our third and final deer toasters, I feel like, is sort of a universal thing that that we should talk about.

Hey, Jackson Claude, I'm a Gen Z toaster here in need of advice.

Oh, she hasn't been radicalized yet.

I dated this guy in college.

He was a very typical frat boy.

It was not a great relationship.

We did long distance in the summers.

and in those times, I sent him quite a few explicit pictures.

We've been broken up for two years, but I just know he saved those pictures in a secret app on his phone.

I randomly will think about the fact that he might still have them, and I am horrified at the thought that he might use them.

Do I reach out after all this time to ask him if he deleted them or to delete them, or do I just let it go and take this as a lesson learned?

Sincerely, a toaster with college regrets.

Ugh.

So.

With the advent of the cell phone, I think a lot of people who sent nude photos like quiver.

Like it's one of those things that keep them up at night.

Yeah.

And it sounds like nothing nefarious nefarious has happened thus far i feel like i sort of want to alert him to the fact that like this is something he has something of value to you and he was such an asshole yeah and like let him know that you and also maybe he maybe forgot about that maybe they're on an old phone and then like you remind him that he has them i think it's something that you let sleeping dogs lie yeah and make peace with and think about the worst case scenario of what could happen with those what's the worst thing he could do with them i don't know think about it what's the worst thing to you what are you so worried about like he sends it to your employer think about if that, first of all, like any employer that got some revenge point, like I would feel so sorry for this person.

That would not affect my employment of them.

It also is illegal.

Yeah.

Think about the worst thing that he could do with them and make peace with that.

Yeah.

And see how like it would be okay afterwards.

And I do think you have to like take it as a lesson learned.

There's not really much you could do.

Even if you reached out to him, like

he's not going to delete them if he's been using them.

And if he hasn't been using them, then he forgot that he has them.

That's the thing.

He's not thinking about it as much as you are.

And if you send him a text message alerting him to that, let's say you guys end it on bad terms or he's just a fucking prick.

He might go back into that old iPhone, start it back up and send them to the new phone.

Let them die on the old phone.

The more time moves on, the more likeliness is that he didn't transfer them to a new phone.

Yeah.

But what's the lesson here?

And I think this is a universal lesson for girls in the digital age.

I mean, every time I signed into an app, my password was leaked for my, you know, Instacart delivery.

We are not secure.

And I, not to be like a prude loser, I do not recommend sending nude photos.

I don't.

So

take that.

If you have other advice or experience with this, like please share because I, I feel, I'm asking listeners because I feel for this writer.

Me too.

Um,

that's a tough spot to be in, but you have to make peace with it is my advice.

I think so.

It'll just like eat you alive.

And Jackie's right.

Like the absolute worst case scenario that you can come up with in your mind in reality will never happen.

And two, it's probably not that bad.

It's worse in your mind.

What's the worst thing?

I don't know, but whatever it is, like you'll be okay.

Know that you will be okay.

And the good thing about nudes is like, you obviously like pour over it before you send it.

So you probably look great.

Yeah.

Nobody just like takes a rogue photo.

They look at every angle, every wrinkle, every crease, and you probably look great.

So that's a silver lining, very small silver lining.

Yeah.

You've got to let go.

You've got to let go.

This will eat you alive.

That is dear toasters.

And that is our show.

It's been an absolute pleasure hanging out with you all this morning.

Hope you enjoyed today's episode.

Thank you so much for listening to The Toast, the Millennium Morning Show, where we deliver the past five stories that you need to know every Monday to Friday on YouTube.

So, if you're watching us on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give us a video a thumbs up.

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Hope you guys have an amazing and cra-ba day, and we'll see you tomorrow.

Love ya, bye.