Ripoj: Thursday, April 11th, 2024

Good morning, Millennials.

And that's not pre-recorded because we are together.

That's right.

Happy Thursday.

Jax is backs.

We're in New York.

We're podcasting together.

My least favorite thing.

We are celebrating Toaster Versuri here in New York.

I also don't think people knew that GMM is pre-recorded on remote days.

I feel like that was kind of insightful.

It was a part of the transition.

No, I think the real toasters know that the good morning, Millennials, most mornings is pre-recorded.

Well, now you do.

Now the secret's out.

Okay.

We're not as authentic as we pretend to be.

We're not genuine podcasters.

We are liars.

We are fakes.

And we are also models because something about podcasting in person, like, it's just different.

Like, we both whipped out.

Like, I'm wearing a heel.

You're wearing a heel.

We're both wearing.

stockings.

Like, we literally are going to synagogue.

We both look so gorgeous.

And it has a lot to do with.

We have a big day.

Right.

We do want to look beautiful for each other in person, you know, when we're podcasting together.

But Jackie and I are also like booked, you know, different press interviews, um,

meetings and things of that nature.

Yeah, which you guys wouldn't understand, which is caused for the seam laugh for me.

Also, when we're in a studio like this, it's a different angle, so you can wear different things.

Like, I can't wear a skirt in my home setup because I mean, it's not the morning vagina, literally.

But here at an angle, it's lovely.

And I am wearing pantyhose.

I am wearing, if you're not watching video, tights that are nude.

Congrats, that's amazing.

Like, you're wearing tights that are black, which people do all the time.

That is normal.

See it

To wear pantyhose stockings.

It's definitely like an elderly thing to do, but the elders were onto something.

And that's what they say about the elders, that they're wise.

The old ladies have been wearing nude, like they invest, not like shit from Dwayne Reed.

Like they invest in like the Donna Clint, Donna Karen, the Calvin Klein, excuse me.

And a nice nude stocking can change the world.

Yeah, these are Calvin Klein.

I didn't have to shave my legs.

I didn't have to moisturize my legs.

I didn't have to tan my legs.

Which we are doing tomorrow.

I haven't gotten a spray tan in so many weeks.

And sort of the buzz of the spray tan upcoming, it's giving me sort of like a new

direction, if you know, as Will Schuster would say.

A new lease on life.

A new lease on life.

A sort of gina sequa.

These tights are giving me a new lease on life.

You're giving me a new lease on life because you're here.

I know.

It's so exciting.

We have such a fabulous week planned.

Of course, we're going to be podcasting today and tomorrow in person, which is, you know, fun for some, not for others.

And it's two days o'clock.

We'll make it.

We'll make it.

We'll make it.

And, you know, we're having dinner with the girlies tonight.

Yeah.

We've got our toastiversary this weekend.

Liv is coming to town.

We're having Shabbat dinner.

Like we're booked and busy.

We are booked, busy.

We're getting spray tans.

What more could a couple of swirlies ask for?

Not much.

I'm getting Botox, you guys, which is really the reason why I'm here.

We plan toastiversary.

So I had a reason to come to New York to get myself some Botox.

So tomorrow,

this will be,

I know, but by tomorrow,

we'll be looking at a teenager.

This will be a Gen Z podcast.

And when you're back on the show on Monday, like back in your house, like you will recognize the girl who was last sitting in that chair.

She'll be tan.

She'll be properly celebrated.

She will have a face that doesn't move.

Yeah.

And she'll be back in her sweatpants.

I love a face that doesn't move.

That'll be me soon.

I'm so excited.

I kind of like forgot about it.

No, Jax, like everything's coming up, Jax.

Everything's coming up Jax.

Everything's coming up toast.

Everything's coming up Jax.

Because everything's always coming up turdy.

That's so not true, but thank you.

I know, but I just couldn't pay myself a compliment.

I know.

What are you?

Like, come on, it's okay.

It could be about you.

No, but it's not about you.

So momentarily.

I honestly, I'm uncomfortable when it's about me.

That's what people don't get.

I feel that about me.

Like, when I get attention, I feel really uncomfortable.

No, I, I, not to be like, I don't know.

But, like, seriously, in that moment, I couldn't stand on my own under the spotlight.

You're giving not like other girls energy.

Like, I'm not, I don't like attention.

I'm not like other girls.

No, I know.

I prefer to hang out with guys and we drink beer.

Okay.

Okay.

You just reminded me of something.

Two things we have to say.

One, I have to correct something I said on yesterday's show.

The basketball player who has the same name as Joaquin Phoenix, his name is literally.

Not Joaquin Phoenix.

It's Joaquim Noah.

Like the two people couldn't be more different.

So just disregard that.

Just forget that.

Forget what you heard.

And two, oh my God, wait, I know everyone's over me talking about Reba, but I have to tell you something.

Me and Ben are, of course, watching Reba.

And like, the way, since it's an old show, Hulu doesn't have the option to skip the intro.

Like, you have to watch it.

And the way the song is so ingrained in us, we know every word, but we also know like every background vocal and every beat.

And it opens up, my roots are are planted in the past but before that Reba says like hey

that just triggered memory and Ben like

every night

like five times Ben not even when the show is on he'll be like he'll walk in and be like I'm gonna take Romeo out hey

and it's become like one of my favorite hey

If I see you in the street, just know.

Hey.

Beautiful.

Add it to the list, you know?

Add it to the list.

I realize like when I say something and you don't have anything to add, but you don't want to be rude, you always say beautiful.

Oh, no, that's just what I'm saying.

Like right now,

other times in the past, totally.

Yeah, no, you're in your beautiful era.

Which I think is a nice era to be in.

I agree.

I agree.

And what's what you say?

The eyes go up.

Oh, when you say something I'm not interested in, I say, that's amazing.

This is what you say.

Speaking of that.

Yeah, I definitely use it as a platform, as a segue.

You say, I'm so glad you brought that up because I've been dying dying to

bring it back to myself.

Yeah, no, it's true.

It's true.

And actually, I'm so glad you brought that up because I actually did want to say that today

Romeo is going to the trainer because, you know, we have a busy weekend and then I'm headed to Israel.

So like I don't really have time for him.

And I just feel like I can be really honest on the podcast.

Like I'm so excited for him to be leaving.

Like it's really, there are no words.

I love him.

I do.

Not as much as Theo, like not even close.

I love, love, love, love him.

He is such a pain in the ass.

Like, first of all, like, take more shits in my house.

Like, this morning, like another dump.

It, like, yesterday, like, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump.

And bite me more.

Like, scratch up my legs more.

It's like I'm showing leg this weekend in my toast diversary dress.

I need to shave my legs, get a spray tan.

I'm going to have cuts all over my legs.

It's going to burn.

Bite me more, scratch me more.

Like, seriously, he can't get out of my house.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah.

No.

By the way, I...

Wish you guys could hear.

Like, when I try to tell him to stop, sometimes I get like annoyed.

I'm like, today I'm like, that's what we're not going to do.

We're not going to hurt mommy.

No, like, I was being crazy.

We can imagine.

Yeah, so I think it's best for both of us if he heads over to dog friendly living who like has been waiting for him to arrive with bated breath.

She doesn't know.

She doesn't know what's about to show up on her doorstep.

Well, I feel I appreciate the transparency because I feel like a lot of times influencers like might be having trouble.

Yeah, no, by the way, that's putting it mildly.

We are having trouble.

And so he's on the other side.

And so then they just like go dark and everyone's like, where's the dog?

No, no, we are struggling.

I'm not going to give up the dog though.

That's what the influencers do.

They give up their dogs.

I'm not.

Like, I know we'll get.

And I imagine it was like this with Theo.

I remember a couple of really dark days with Theo and like literally like regretting the decision.

So don't worry, I'm not giving Romeo up, but I am just sort of, it takes a village, you know?

Yeah.

And Ben and I, he's, Romeo's on the schedule now where he exists in three hour time blocks.

He gets one hour free time, two hour nap in the crate.

Then we take him out, one hour free time.

He's a newborn.

He's a newborn.

And that one hour of free time, like, it's hell.

Like,

it's absolute hell.

And Ben and I are just like looking at each other and like we keep offloading romeo we're like no i have to go take a meeting like i've been so busy this week because i just i cannot go home and it's like we count the minutes at like 58 ben's like do you think i can put him in i'm like yeah you can put them in that's funny is that like newborn life yes except there's not as much dread and there's more love like of the awake time i'm not gonna lie like the love is it's definitely um

taking its time it's taking its time love grows love grows and there's love there Like, I love him.

But, like, the way I can't even have a nice moment with him.

Like, we never have, like, cuddles.

We have no, like, licks.

Like, he just bites me.

Damn.

He wants a bite of turdy.

Everyone wants a piece of turdy.

I cannot wait for him to leave.

Like,

like, this weekend, like, it's turdy's weekend, you know?

Everything's coming up turdy.

As I said, as I tried to tell you.

Yeah.

Well, we have a really great show because the stories are hysterical.

The stories are hysterical.

We have to do your toasters because we weren't able to do do it yesterday.

And I know you're just like.

Dying to.

You flew to New York.

Yeah.

For that.

So that's amazing.

And yeah, is that it?

And Jackson Claude Back.

And how was your travel day?

I'm so sorry.

Busy?

It was good.

It was not the easiest one, but not unreasonably hard.

Okay.

Just like naps didn't coincide with times in which we'd like to be napping.

Of course, things in which to nap.

Yeah, so it was a lot, but we made it and all good.

Okay.

Yeah.

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An honor.

Our first story is a bit of breaking news that you actually haven't heard yet.

Okay, so I saw you being like weird on your phone.

What is it?

Is it going to shock me?

Yeah.

O.J.

Simpson has died at the age of 76 after a cancer battle.

So they just posted to his Twitter on April 10th, our father, Arinthal James Simpson, succumbed to his battle with cancer.

He was surrounded by his children and grandchildren.

During this time of transition, his family asks that you please respect their wishes for privacy and grace.

I'm finding it really hard to come up with something to say because you're not supposed to speak ill of the dead, but like,

yeah,

it's hard to find something to say.

You know, I'll say this.

I feel like the Kardashians talk about his kids a lot, you know?

So it's hard to lose a parent.

I literally, I'm sorry.

Like, I don't know what the fuck to say.

Like, low-key, murderer, not once, but twice, justice for Ungoldman, and Nicole Renzimson.

And, like, it's just, I don't know where he is right now.

I really, I can't.

Like, I'm sorry.

I can't talk about this.

I, I feel like the story, like, I can't.

It's a, it's a trap.

No, what do you know?

It's a trap.

Like, what am I supposed to say?

Yeah.

Am I like devastated?

No.

It's just.

The man, like, literally killed two innocents.

And didn't ever really do the time for the crime.

No, no, of course not.

If the glud did not fit, they must acquit.

Exactly.

And like,

no, and I feel like my takeaway from that whole show that they did was like, one, he totally did it.

And two,

like, I feel we're always talking about Nicole Brown Simpson.

Nicole Brown.

Like, what about Ron Goleman, like, the lovely, delicious Jewish waiter who was just being a mench returning that lady's sunglasses?

Like, oh, it's so upsetting.

I don't, I really don't want to talk about it.

Like, so, so, I guess what I have to say to OJ is,

doses.

You know what I have to say?

Rip.

This is a time you can say rip OG.

Lowercase R.

Rip.

Rip.

Ripage.

Ripage.

Ripage.

Ripage, Simpson.

Ripage.

So yeah, that's the big news of the day now.

I don't know how to feel, so I just won't.

I feel surprised.

Yes, no.

And I kind of, I'm not going to lie, I feel like happy.

Like I was able to get breaking news on the show.

That never happens.

That's like always fun.

Yeah.

I didn't realize that he had been, that he had cancer.

I don't think that that was.

I probably knew that, but I don't know why I like thought he was lying.

Yeah, or gonna be okay.

Ripoje.

Ripoge.

That's all there is to say.

Yeah.

I feel like it's really the end of an era.

It is, like the jokes and stuff.

And like, no, just like this.

There was never like closure with this case because, you know, if OJ didn't do it, then there's murderers still out there.

No, no, that was what was so crazy.

Like, people would take pictures of him, like, oh my God, I was on the golf course.

I saw OJ Simpson.

Like, he was like out and about.

He wasn't like a hermit.

No, but say he didn't do it.

Then like, why didn't they ever continue to look for the person who did?

Because he did it.

Right.

Like, he did that shit, you know?

Yeah.

So there's not been any closure, but this really is the end of this story.

Yeah.

No, it's actually really crazy.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our next story?

I like really

ready.

I'm not even

eager, I would say.

The Jonas brothers have found themselves in some hot water.

They're being called out by fans after they rescheduled 22 tour dates at short notice to make room for exciting projects.

So the Jonas Brothers put out a video saying that they will be postponing some of their international tour dates because they have exciting projects coming up.

They explained that they had to reschedule every single European date due to other exciting projects taking precedence.

In the clip, Nick said we had shifted the European dates to later this year, but that is only because we have some exciting projects that we're very excited to share with you at a later point.

European fans, we love you.

We can't wait to see you.

It's been long overdue and we're going to wait even longer.

And we are so excited to play these shows later this year in the fall.

Okay, I have a theory.

I feel like, and because Nick was the one like talking in the video, I feel like they just wanted to take the attention off of Joe.

I feel like, because it was like a lot of

international,

sometimes it's so hard for me to talk.

With his custody stuff with Sophie Turner, there was a lot like of their permanent residence was in England.

And I feel like if he spends a certain amount of time out of the country, it can be like used against him in his custody.

I actually feel like that's what's going on.

Interesting.

I don't.

I feel like something came up.

I kind of feel like with a tour, it's very exciting at first and like headline news.

And then it gets a little long in the two.

And the further away from home you get.

It's like this isn't that fun anymore.

I think something came up that was more exciting to them than the idea of doing the second half of the tour.

And maybe by the time the European date rescheduled dates happen, they'll be excited again.

But what project could one of them, all three of them?

Like a movie, another album.

It would have to be something big.

And even if it is like a Joe custody thing, they need to now make something up.

Like a

show or a documentary.

And the thing is, is like people are allowed to postpone shows.

And I feel like if they had said, you know, if they're covering up for something, saying you're doing it for another more exciting, like basically putting an opportunity ahead of like the fans who paid money, like it does look a little bad like but whatever if this is a cover-up for something you would say like you know people cancel tours and don't get backlashed for like other reasons like and I feel like if it was a wolf mental health I would feel like if it was a woman I'd be like oh maybe she's pregnant like I don't know I just feel like I hope this this actually is a lie because the truth is like kind of fucked up I feel like it could be a vague interpretation of the truth and they never expected that announcing it like this would get backlash and people would see it that way.

Like I feel like they were like, let's keep it light.

Exciting project.

See you later this year.

Because really, who looks into these things?

And if I just saw that, I wouldn't be like, that's messed up.

But I think it was kind of like unignorable because 22 shows.

It's not like a small leg.

22 is like a shit ton.

And they're doing stadiums or arenas.

So that's like 22 times, that's like 400,000 people, you know?

Yeah.

I just like, when you think about who they're harming, like really the people who will be affected by this, it's like, oh, we're not going to the Jonas Brothers next week.

We're going in six months.

Okay.

Like victimless.

Yeah.

It's a victimless crime for sure, for sure.

The babysitter wasn't called yet.

It's not

had planned travel, you know.

It's very unfortunate, but these things happen.

It's inconvenient.

But if I held tickets to a show that was then moved, even if it was maybe something I was traveling for, like, I'd be very inconvenienced.

But first of all, like, I can move my flight.

I'm still well within the window.

Yeah.

I mean, that happened with us with Kelly.

That happened to us with Kelly.

But like, say I was traveling for Luke.

And I picked this date and this show and Luke moved it.

It would be okay.

Okay.

I'm gonna call you out.

Like, you're an affluent person, you know?

No, but the flight is changeable.

Yeah, but like the hotel is changeable.

You're enough in advance.

Those are two things.

And I guess if you're like spending money on a hotel and a flight for a concert, like you have disposable income.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like it's not the biggest deal is my feeling.

Yeah.

And I don't feel like they'd be doing this for nothing.

They're three fathers.

I need to know.

I need to know.

They're three fathers.

They're going through stuff.

I need to know.

I still like my theory about it being a cover-up for a custody thing.

I like that theory too.

And I could see that them being like, let's just keep it positive, exciting things coming.

You know, maybe they're going back on the voice.

No, but like

that does not.

No, I know, but they can say that was the exciting thing.

But that's the thing about being like a Jonas brother.

Like, to go on the voice, you probably make for that one show, which is like not a lot of work and a lot of fun.

I bet Nick Jonas, because I know like Ariana Grande got $25 million for one season.

Nick Jonas probably got 10 or 15.

You don't make that on tour, especially when you're splitting it between the three of you.

Oh, yeah.

So, do you think that's where some of the Jonas brothers animosity comes in?

I mean, I feel that way about you.

We actually talked about this on the Patreon because people were in the Patreon.

People were asking us how we split our revenue and stuff, and we're like, we're totally equal partners.

Yeah.

And then I said to Jackie, did you ever like dream of like when I'm sleeping in your house, like coming in and just like knifing me in the throat so you can keep all the money?

And Jackie had a really good.

If you want to hear my answer, head to the Patreon.

Yeah.

And I think I made you see it in a different light.

Yeah.

And now you no longer want to stab me in ice.

Exactly.

You really gave me such a fresh perspective and a very but i feel like with the jonas brothers they don't feel that way about each other because they all think that it's about that like they all think about they think the show could go on and they do solo all the time because basically now i have to say what i said is that yeah i could stab claudia but i wouldn't make as much money on my own right and i could stab jackie but then it would be a one-woman show and it probably wouldn't generate as much revenue so like Yeah, we have to split it, but it's more because we're together.

Yeah.

Yeah, no, that's so factual.

So I was like, you know what?

Okay, I won't stab you.

But I don't think the Jonas brothers feel that way.

Like, Nick definitely feels like I could do this with the other two, without the the other two.

I know.

And, you know,

Joe was like, they both were really killing it, DNCE and then the solo.

But DNCE, even though it was probably not split equally, he shared.

Yeah, it's true.

No, they were like.

Sharing his care.

They were hired help.

Like, they, he made, he kept everything.

Like, you think?

Yeah.

They were just paid salary.

They were salary.

Yeah, like how Tom Sandoval has his band members.

They didn't have equity.

They were the most extras, and he was Tom Sandoval.

Do you know?

He's Tom Sandoval.

He is.

I think we made that call.

Did we?

Yeah.

That Joe Jonas has Tom Sandoval energy.

And Tom Sandoval has Joe Jonas energy.

do you mean just in how they perform or their personalities as well because that's an enormous insult to sling at joe jonas

it's a genes équois oh so she said what she said it's not in how i mean obviously joe jonas is so talented but there's something about the way that they look the way that they their mannerisms i think a lot of it has to do with their stage presence like i feel like tom sandoval i think he studies watches videos yeah of joe and it's like it's unfortunate for joe that now they're compared yeah they kind of look like two Yeah,

they don't

look alike.

They don't know.

They're both like brunette men.

Right.

With strong eyebrows.

Yeah, that's true.

So hopefully, we find out what exciting news is going on in the world of the Jonas Brothers.

No, and I look forward to the day where I find out what this big project was and I can evaluate if it was worth it.

Right now, we're just kind of punching in the dark.

But once I have all the facts, and I feel like it might come that we never find out what it was and it was just like a diversion, and they hope people in six months will forget about it.

I won't forget.

And I'm very much looking forward to, you know, circling back on this.

Yeah.

I'll be following up by EOD.

But it's something because to move 22 shows.

It's big.

It's not a small thing.

Yeah.

Just from an admin point of view, not even the fans.

Or, or they were, and I don't feel this way because I actually think the Jonas Brothers have a lot of really big fans.

Or they were selling poorly.

And I feel like sometimes what people do is like postpone shows just to cancel them.

But like, it's not such a big deal if you're canceling a show that's in a year.

But if you're canceling a show that's in three months, it's like a bigger deal.

Got it.

So maybe, but I feel like they have a really strong fan base and I think they have really strong ticket sales.

And I would hope that whoever's like digging into this announcement would have brought that up if that were true.

Yeah.

So TBD on the JBs.

I love concert.

Like this is a giving J-Lo, you know?

I love mystery.

Like what's going on.

Yeah.

I love it.

Our next story, a little movie news.

A Monopoly movie is in the works from Margot Robbie and Lionsgate.

After taking on Barbie, producer Margot Robbie is heading to the rich terrain of Monopoly.

Her company, Lucky Chap, and her partners, her husband and Josie McNamara, are producing a live-action feature film based on the ubiquitous real estate-inspired board game.

Hasbro, the backers of Monopoly, will also produce it, and Lionsgate has extended its development rights to the board game with the purchase of E1.

And I saw the funniest tweet about this.

This news took the world by storm yesterday.

Everyone was like, oh, Barbie, Monopoly.

Somebody said, and the username is Movie Boy69.

He said,

if this movie is going to be a message about wealth inequality, I'm going to kill myself in the theater.

No, because like with Barbie, you never thought it would become this like sort of political and kind of polarizing movie because it's just about dolls.

And I remember when we said the story, I'm like, oh, cute, but like, how?

And I feel that way about Monopoly.

I'm like, oh, cute, but how?

Yeah.

And you know what?

I could actually, now that I've seen Barbie, I actually think Monopoly will be good.

Oh, will be good or will become about wealth inequality?

Because literally the point of the game, like you don't win until you have it.

The most money.

It's very capitalist.

Everyone has to have

Yeah, yeah.

And like there are different neighborhoods on the board, you know, that Mediterranean is $60.

And by the time you get to Atlantic Avenue, it's $400 or $500.

Yeah.

The one right after Go.

Mediterranean, the purple.

Purple, right?

Yeah,

Mediterranean.

What?

I'm remembering a joke from that funny time we played Monopoly.

Did we talk about that funny time we played Monopoly on this show?

One of my most.

We should make a movie based on that.

Live action.

Literally, I'll direct it.

Yeah, because I was like going to reference something that's not on the board.

That was a joke that I made.

Well, you were the banker and you were fraudulent.

You were stealing from the banker.

No, I was building hotels on Mediterranean Avenue and I called them a holiday innovative.

Yeah, that's the thing.

Like when you were...

Building property on the purple, it was a holiday in.

And you were building property on the blue.

On the boardwalk, it's a great state.

It's sageous.

Yeah, no, totally.

Yeah.

So funny.

Oh, by the way, that literally, you just added more color to that Game of Monopoly because I don't remember like everything that was said.

I just remember you kept calling yourself like impoverished and stealing from the bank.

And it was so funny.

And I didn't even remember the joke that you made about building holiday ends.

That's funny.

Yeah, but that's where the real money is made.

It's true, by the way, like because everybody has to come past go.

And it's kind of like how everybody has to go to the airport.

And at one point, everyone's going to stay at like a best western.

Yeah.

No, it's brilliant.

Brilliant.

Like the four seasons, aren't they closed sort of?

It's true.

They're kind of like flop in their flop out.

Constantly under renovation, the Waldorf.

Yeah.

Never reopened.

We need to talk about what's going on with the waldorf it's kind of like a conspiracy theory in new york if you don't know the waldorf astoria takes up a full city block in manhattan in like midtown i think it's 48th and but it takes a park and lex like a huge avenue um and for years it was like you know every president stayed there it's at the center of sort of like banking and all those headquarters and it's really fabulous really gorgeous gorgeous room ben and i did a staycation there for like one of our big anniversaries and it was like the most special the spas amazing restaurants and then a couple of years ago they're like we are shutting down for one whole year and we are going to come back as the biggest and baddest hotel you've ever seen in your life like you thought we were sick now shutting down for renovations which like when you have such a big hotel like you have a whole year and everybody in the city was preparing

people were like going there for special occasions anniversaries everyone was getting married there like it was really really special and they were like we're gonna come back and it was very historic and it had been around for so long that like really it was it was a big deal that they were closing down when i tell you they closed down for a year it's giving one direction direction.

10 years ago.

It's been 10 years.

And now people say it's haunted.

It's all boarded up.

It's this empty,

enormous hotel.

What is going on?

What is going on?

And it's not like the Waldorf brand is defunct.

Like they're just opened a huge one in L.A.

Hundreds of hotels around the world.

They're owned by Hilton.

So what is going on there?

We need answers.

And honestly, I feel like it was one of those hotels, and I don't have any proof of this, but I'm reading Marjorie Post, and it's the early 1900s, and she's living in New York, and it's cool to see what like stores and hotels she references that are still open today.

Bloomingdale's, Bergdorfs, and The Plaza.

The Plaza.

And I feel like the Waldorf was open then.

I don't know for a fact.

It was open then because

what book did I read?

The Social Graces, maybe.

But it was like two hotels separate, the Waldorf and the Astoria.

Oh.

And they were actually related to each other.

One was like the nephew of the other,

like the Astors.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And someone named like Waldorf.

And then they merge and then they move there.

Interesting.

And also Mar-a-Lago.

That's like what the whole book is about.

Oh my God, you know, Mar-a-Lago.

It's crazy to think that that's like what, a country club, right?

And that was her house.

Yeah.

She's so rich.

I forgot about that point.

The whole book.

is really kind of centered around her building Mar-a-Lago.

And the beginning starts at Mar-a-Lago.

And I feel like I'm like 60, 70% in, and it becomes like after one of her divorces, like a sanctuary for her.

And it's so crazy to think about like people get married there now.

And like it's literally like a facility that can hold thousands of people.

One bitch's house.

Yeah.

Legend.

You know, she tried to donate it?

To who?

To the government as a winner.

Is that part of the book?

Not real.

Like, it's not a spoiler.

Maybe don't spoil it.

No, it's just a fun fact.

So let me share the fun fact.

Okay.

She tried to donate it like to the president so that it could be their winter residence, like a White House.

Oh, you know, you know what I mean?

I feel like you've told me this before.

Yeah, and they actually was too expensive for them to upkeep.

So they was so were like, they declined.

She was so rich.

Yeah.

Okay.

I just got to the part where she moved to Russia.

Dark days.

Dark days, but really interesting.

Yes.

If you like, yes, interesting to hear about somebody who actually lived in communist Russia and like came back to tell the tale.

I feel like once you go to communist Russia, you don't come back.

Did she go to the warehouse yet?

No, she literally was invited.

When I was last I'm reading, she was invited to the warehouse.

She did her first outing with that lady, and now they're going to the warehouse.

Okay, the warehouse is sickening, the house down boots.

Okay.

Okay.

So Monopoly movie.

Oh, yeah.

I feel like after seeing what I saw with Barbie, and I know like we joke, but like at the end, like I totally net net, like didn't dislike it.

I actually liked it.

I thought it was like cute and well done.

I feel like Monopoly could actually be like funny and creative.

Yeah.

I'm not against it.

I'm not against it.

It wouldn't be my first idea.

No.

But we also heard about Hot Wheels, remember?

Oh, yeah.

All these movies are going to be made from Mattel and Hasbro.

And I'm kind of good on that.

Like, Like, I'm sure they'll wind up being good, and I'll get into it.

But what about original ideas?

What if we just thought of original ideas?

You know, I thought of that yesterday because I saw like Max was announcing their new show, Pretty Little Liars, Summer Vacation.

And I'm like, My God, how dead are we going to beat this horse?

Why is it so hard for like streaming services to like come up with original concepts?

Like, how many spin-offs do we have to have?

It's insane.

It's insane.

Spin-offs, reboots, and just like that, reunions.

Like, it's so uninspired.

Mm-hmm.

Agreed.

Are you ready for our next story?

A little more gaming news.

And some of the most popular things right now are from books.

They're not even original themselves.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Yes, I'm ready for some more gaming news.

Scrabble.

Oh.

Mattel has launched a new version of Scrabble, which is going to be less competitive.

And less hard, basically.

Yeah.

Mattel is about to launch a new version of Scrabble, which is designed to be more collaborative and accessible for those who find word games intimidating.

It's an attempt to get Gen Z to play Scrabble, and and basically every Scrabble.

I'm like, you're dumb.

Every Scrabble board that's sold now is going to have Scrabble on top and then you flip it over and it's like the dumb version for Gen Z.

Apparently Gen Z like hasn't been taking to Scrabble and it's like the least shocking thing ever.

They're radical.

For sure, but like, were you playing Scrabble when you were 17?

No.

No.

I was playing monanograms a lot.

It's something that I think you grow into.

Yeah.

And I think lowering the bar is a sad state.

So I think it's emblematic and reflective of our, you know, it's a current state of the union.

These kids are dumb.

And, you know, they're all on their phones and they're all bullying each other and they're all mentally ill.

And I think it all stems from the phone.

And just actually follow, I just follow Jessica Seinfeld on Instagram.

This is like one of her like platforms.

She's really, really against like social media and cell phones for kids.

And she's like working on passing, you know, all these laws that kids shouldn't be able to be on social media before they're 16.

And you know, they just passed that in Florida.

You just have social media if you're under 14 and then 15 and 16, you need a guardian permission.

Honestly,

make it 18.

And I think this Scrabble story is just one of the

indications of how far we've fallen and how these kids are.

Well, like they should be playing.

Scrabble, these kids need Scrabble desperately.

Yeah, they should be locked in a room with a Scrabble.

Intellectual stimulation that's guys is a game.

It's fun.

It's competitive.

And they need to get off their phones.

Yeah, this is really crazy.

The flip side will have helper cards, which use a simpler scoring system and is quicker to play.

It's called Scrabble Together and will also allow people to compete in teams.

And I'm sure it'll be successful, you know, whatever.

I just think, what does it say?

I think it says a lot.

Yeah.

Well, a lot of goalposts and like milestones have been moved recently.

Because of the phones.

Yeah.

Thousand percent.

Not thought about the son.

No.

I don't think we should be meeting them where they are.

No.

I think we should be raising the bar.

Join us up here.

Asking more of them.

Yeah.

Why don't you join us?

And it's like, you can make Scrabble a little more Gen Z friendly by making words.

Riz, right.

Like access, like making a list.

That's what they should have done of acceptable modern slang words like

Riz.

Bussing.

Bussing.

Lit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like there are ways.

But no, intellectually they have to lower the bar because like I'm sorry, I feel like we have a you know, a growing group of Gen Z listeners.

And honestly, if you listen to the show and you're Gen Z, I do feel you're far above superior to your comrade.

So really, this isn't an indication of you.

But after going to the Olivia Rodrigo concert and just spending a lot of time on social media and seeing what the youth is up to, I'm extremely worried about them.

I actually really dislike them, and I can't wait for them to grow up.

Yeah, but this isn't helping.

And they like dislike people my age because they think we're like chuggy or whatever.

Fine, think I'm chuggy.

I think you're dumb and dangerous.

So I'd rather wear my hair, you know, to the side and skinny jeans

than be you.

So why don't you simpen over Osama bin Lamb?

Right, right.

Couldn't be me.

Are you ready for our fifth and final final story, which is incredibly relatable art news?

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Any more breaking news while I was doing the ads?

No, I checked because now I'm going to go ahead and get it.

When it rains and close.

But I'm glad because I really wanted to talk about this fifth and final story, which is cracking me up.

Okay.

A museum worker hung up his own painting.

When you said this to me yesterday, I was hackling.

Claudia, if she were a German museum worker.

And Claudia wouldn't be German.

Just.

The museum worker hung up his own painting hoping for a big break.

Instead, he got fired.

Damn.

A German art museum worker, an aspiring artist hoping for a big break, got the sack after he smuggled in one of his own paintings and hung it up in the gallery, home to famous pieces by renowned artists like Leonardo da Vinci and Henry Matisse.

The 51-year-old employee had drilled two holes into a wall to mount his painting in Munich's museum,

pinatothic der modern, hoping for an artistic breakthrough, authorities told a German newspaper.

But guards quickly realized something was amiss, according to the spokesperson.

Supervisors noticed something like this immediately.

Damn.

Okay, like I just want to say, while you know, he did, you know, break the rules.

Law?

Yeah, it's like, uh, you know,

he didn't damage like the other people.

But he drilled holes, he messed with art.

I just want to say, this is a person who cares so deeply about art and is so passionate.

Like, yeah, he was wrong, but like, that's the type of person who should be working at a museum.

I just want to say.

Not if he's only there for self-promotion.

Like, if you could really take down a Matisse

favor of your own art.

The crazy thing is to put your work as like an unknown artist up against like Matisse and Da Vinci So while I understand like wanting to get your arc art out there It's actually disrespectful to art and you know the the history of art to put your you know piece of shit piece up next to those and so while maybe it'd be different if he worked at like a low-level gallery like he was a gallery girl.

Yeah.

Definitely

crazy.

That would be like

entrepreneurial, like grassroots

creature.

This is delusional.

Yeah.

You know?

And that's why it's not turdy because like I feel like I'm definitely like you know crazy and self-promotional but I'm not

I'm a little delusional but like not to the point where I would think like I my art should be next to a Matisse yeah well the Museum said the employee considers himself an artist and most likely saw his role in the museum's installation team as a day job to support his true calling and like maybe he used this job always knowing that he was gonna promote himself not just like as a lover of art.

Okay, I just want to say like it's really not a crime to like use your day job.

No.

Like I feel like waiters in LA like they all want to get jobs at like Craigs and stuff because that's where the directors are and they think that's where they'll get.

Like I don't know when a like when an actor in LA does it like we think it's inspiring.

But this guy like I think I don't know.

I see something.

Maybe I see a little bit of myself in him because I feel oddly defensive of him and his entrepreneurial spirit.

Because there is something.

Industrious about this and innovative.

Industrious.

He's pulling himself up by his bootstraps.

It's hard to get, you know, seen in the art world, you know?

And people do crazy things and they're the ones who get attention.

Remember, like we talked about at

Art Basel, that piece that was $200,000 and the second it was purchased, it like imploded and was destroyed and it was like a, you know, a statement on art and then somebody else at Art Basel bought like a dirty banana peel.

Right.

And like, it's the people like that who are like kind of crazy and prankster and sort of out there.

They get the attention.

And it's not the hardworking museum clerks in Munich who get the attention.

But I just have to say like I absolutely need to see what it was.

Of course.

I can't really speak further on the matter until I see like was it any figures?

The museum won't comment on the painting subject or they don't want to give him exactly what he wants.

And they don't want to avoid copycat people.

Like who knows if it was really like art that maybe if you're not paying attention, like oh, that's a nice piece of art or was it like something offensive?

Oh, maybe it was like a big penis or something.

Well, that's what art is.

So no.

Also, it could have been a swatzigan.

Right.

It is Germany.

Right.

That wouldn't offend the art crowd, a big penis.

And I want to say something about the people of Germany because, you know, we all clown on Germany.

Like, after what they did, like, you can't say the word Germany without like saying Hitler, Holocaust, Heil Hitler, like, you know.

And I want to say, I feel like, and I don't think people in Germany like still have that sort of energy.

I actually feel like the prime minister of Germany was really outspoken about anti-Semitism, but they take the jokes in stride and they know they can't get mad.

And I just want to say, like, I respect that.

I see you.

I see you.

And I, it's actually very Jewish of you.

So I,

you know?

Yeah.

I feel like they get it a lot.

I just saw this thing on TikTok.

It's kind of like the most

known thing that they did.

It's also like a low-hanging fruit.

It's like an obvious joke.

It was two wars that they did.

No, and not only that, it like Loki wasn't even that long ago.

There's still people alive who experienced it and who committed it.

Right.

Well, and who committed it.

That's what's so crazy.

I, um, it was like this TikTok going viral.

This girl, I don't know if she was like an American living in Germany, but she was basically like documenting her life in Germany.

And she's like, I will say, like, I love Germany, but like the one thing is like, the bagels aren't very good.

The one thing.

Right.

And also the bagels, because there's no no juice.

Right, no.

So people were

like stitching it, being like, I wonder why there's not good bagels in Germany.

And it was like so funny.

That's very funny.

Yeah.

And honestly, I feel like the people of Germany took that joke and tried.

As they should.

As they should, and I give them credit.

No, that's like part of the reparations.

Yeah.

It's like you are demilitarized, you're denazified, and you must be okay with being made fun of.

And you're desensitized.

To the sensitized to the jokes.

And that the jokes, I'm sorry, they will always be funny.

Yeah.

Okay.

That was a fast five, and you were right.

They were hilarious.

Yeah.

And amazingly, the show isn't over because it's Thursday, which usually means nothing.

But today it means everything because we are doing Dear Toasters, our weekly advice segment, where you guys write in and get help from your favorite curly swirlies.

And you can write in about anything.

You can write into us via email, dear toasters at gmail.com, or you can write into us on our website, the toastpodcast.com.

They're both totally anonymous.

You don't have to worry about that.

And if you've written in and we haven't read it, it's probably because it's uninteresting or too long, or we just get so many.

And if you've written in and you have gotten advice from us and you have an update for us, we would love to hear from you.

We love to update everyone.

So please don't forget about us if you've, if you've had your submission read on air.

All right.

Hey, Jackson Turdy.

I'm a daily YouTube swirly here and I love you both.

Two months ago, I started dating a guy, precious shem of a man.

Tonight, I pooped before leaving to go hang out with him.

He picked me up, we went to a bar with my friends, and we came back to my apartment.

He went to the bathroom straight when we got here.

From the living room, I heard a flush, and then I heard him start peeing, and then I heard him flush again.

So clearly, something was in the toilet that he had to flush before going.

Regretfully, I said, why did you flush?

And then he said, no reason.

And now I can't stop thinking about the fact that I forgot to flush when I went to the bathroom while getting ready and he definitely saw the poop.

Do I ask him about this?

Do I lie?

Do I convince myself that I did flush and there was another reason?

Sincerely, a toaster who will never forget the flush, to flush the toilet ever again.

Okay.

First of all, this is better for, not that we do unburden, but there's nothing to be done here.

Like we just need to un this burden.

And two things, I have two thoughts.

We pretend like there was something else in the toilet.

And by the way, what's done is done, but I need to ask why on Godscreen, diddly dally earth, you asked him why he flushed twice.

Like she was panicking.

Expose yourself more.

But here's the thing: I want, like, we're gonna believe that it was something else regardless, but there is a chance that it was something else.

And then you asked him why did you flush?

And like, he's embarrassed of whatever it was about himself.

Like, maybe he had a courtesy flush because he didn't want to cloud your toilet.

So it is.

And then he poured a little water in, so it sounded like he was peeing.

It is really important to note.

Men are also as crazy as us.

It's important to note that like there's not 100% chance that you didn't flush.

Yeah.

Unless you're like remembering accurately, like unless you know you didn't flush.

Or is this something that you do often?

Right.

Do you have a flushing problem?

Do you forget to flush sometimes?

The thing is, and let this be a lesson to girls everywhere, but you in particular, like if you're going out somewhere, you're getting ready and you know that everyone's going to end up at your apartment afterwards, whether it's a date or a group of friends, like you have to leave your apartment and take that last look.

That last look is so important.

I never thought the last look should also be in the toilet bowl.

I live with Ben Soffer, so it has to be.

Like literally today, I went to the guest bathroom to pick up your laundry for you, and there was a pee in the toilet.

Here's the thing.

If you guys are meant to be, this will not derail you.

If he is like a serious, mature person and he saw your dookie in there, like...

I want to say something.

I want to say something.

I think even like a serious, mature person could get like a little icked out by someone's poop and then not want to see them again.

Honestly, I'm sorry.

It depends how far in you are.

But like, if he loves you already and he's like, this is my girl.

And like, some, like.

Poop is just like kind of crazy.

No, but that wouldn't undo all of that.

If this was like three good dates and he saw your poop, maybe not.

What did she say at the top?

Two months ago started dating this guy.

Okay.

Honestly, this could be make or break and in a good way.

Like, yeah, it's kind of how like when he likes to be like, he might not like you enough to see your poop or maybe he likes you enough that it does, he didn't even see it.

It could be one of those accelerators.

Sometimes when you're dating someone and like their birthday comes up or Valentine's Day, like kind of moves the relationship along in a...

Faster way than it would have had it not or the opposite

it's like clear they don't want to be serious.

Right.

I feel like a poop could do that too.

It could be an an accelerator or a decelerator?

Yeah.

I guess we'll have this one.

I would love an update on.

I want to chart you in four months.

Are you still seeing this guy?

Yeah.

And then don't bring it up ever again, by the way.

If you guys like get married and have kids, you could be like, By the way,

by the way.

In the bowl.

Yeah.

Walls.

And he might not have any idea what you're talking about.

And that will be because he threw up in the toilet.

Six years later, you can be free of this.

Yeah.

Don't worry.

It's only going to take six years.

So we'll, at our 12-year toast diversary, we'll be hearing from you.

Yeah.

All right, our next one.

Hello, beautiful girls.

Thanks for being the sisters I've never had.

That's so sweet.

I love listening on the daily.

And this is my first time writing in.

So here it goes.

My husband, precious gem of a man, of four years, has recently voiced his expectation that we have sex together twice a day, roughly 14 times a week.

It's important to note.

Yeah.

Okay.

It's important to note.

that this is not at all the cadence we have ever kept, even in the early days.

Don't they have jobs?

While I've recently become a stay-at-home mom to our baby, who has time for this?

Am I being unreasonable for saying that this expectation is unrealistic?

Girl.

That's insane.

First of all, to just outright say you want something different in your marriage, something important like sex, four years into it, it's like something's going on in his life.

This man's having an affair.

I just want to say to have such a crazy, like drastic change of heart on something like very

important.

Something, it's giving midlife crisis.

It's giving something going on in his life.

I wouldn't be surprised if you found out like he was keeping a separate, separate family.

Like this is, this is just behavior that's so crazy.

It's indicative of something crazy.

Yes, possibly.

But let's say it's not for whatever reason.

Like he just woke up and he's like, I want more sex.

I deserve more sex.

And we're going to have more sex.

Like, no, that's not how it works.

Right.

Also, like, you have a baby.

Whatever, like, and baby probably takes two naps a day, so you don't even get like one nap of free time.

Like, also, doesn't he work?

No, and it's like, okay, you want more sex?

Earn it.

Take me out to dinner.

Yeah.

Romance me.

Buy me a lingerie.

Buy me a necklace.

Twice a day.

Yeah.

Okay.

Two necklaces a day.

Yeah.

This is insane.

Sex isn't just given, it's earned at a certain point in the marriage.

Right.

But like, say he came to her and said, like, I want to, came with a reasonable request.

Like, maybe they were dropping off and they were like, I want to go, you know.

Well, that's different.

If you hit like a lull and you say, let's prioritize each other.

Let's start having sex.

I feel like a real, if you're in like a lull, a reasonable thing is like, let's start having sex two, three times a week.

Yeah.

No, if he had said that.

Two, three times a day.

No, no.

Maybe you misheard him.

If he had said that,

that's like different.

Two times a day is insane.

And to just outright say it, be like, this is my expectation, you know, meet me here.

No.

How about no?

What if I just left?

How about no?

What if I just didn't?

So this sounds like a man.

I do a little bit of digging.

Like sometimes, like, I just have a gut feeling that, like, this is, I don't know, it's kind of a crazy thing to say after four years, like something changed so drastically.

I don't know.

I would look into like his cell phone.

Just honestly, I

would.

And then if there was nothing nefarious going on, here, have you ever heard of the word no?

Yeah.

Just like a big fat fucking no.

Our third and final deer toasters, please help in all caps.

I've been listening to your podcast for a little over a year and I can truly say I love my drive to work because I get to cackle with you guys on the way there and back.

So thank you.

Oh, that's so nice.

I need help on a recurring topic in my marriage, Zin pouches.

Do you know what those are, Jack?

No.

You don't?

Is it dip?

Kind of.

Okay.

So in case you all don't know, Zin is a brand of nicotine pouches that have been around for like 10 years.

And I'll just tell you, they're like big in the culture right now.

It's dip, but they're packed in like little, they look like little tea bags.

Yeah.

And you put them in your lip and you have like a cup all day that you like spit into.

And the brand Zin, like they have taken over for vapes.

Everyone, all the young kids are all day, every day I have these pouches in their mouth.

Okay.

And it gives you like a high, like a nicotine high.

Yeah.

My cigarette.

Like a cigarette all day.

Yeah, that's like dip.

Yeah.

But it comes in.

It's a little less gross, right?

Yeah.

Because dip is like loose.

It's disgusting.

My PJOM husband has constantly been, I'm sorry, my total PJOM of a husband constantly has one in his mouth.

It's literally from the morning before I leave for work while I'm cooking dinner, after dinner, literally all day, every day.

I brought up this topic and said, not only is it unattractive and unhealthy, but he carries around a water bottle slash spit cup when he does it too, which is really gross.

He's recently become a toaster, mainly because of your wonderful content during Love is Blind season six, and he seems to really trust your opinions.

So please, tell him he needs to stop or tell me if I'm just being a naggy bitch wife.

Love, a grossed out and concerned toaster.

So I feel like I can really speak on this because I vaped for many, many years and they're similar.

I feel like like vaping is less bad, but it's all one in the same.

And I got to a place with my vaping where it was like a fun thing I did at parties and it was like a nighttime thing to by the time I had to quit, it was a 24-7 thing and it became gross, you know?

And I'm all for having fun.

Like you want to put a pouch in at a party, at a bar.

I feel like, you know what, have fun.

You're young.

You're whatever.

And you know the consequences.

Like I knew vaping was bad and I still made the choice to do it.

When I got to a place where I was like vaping first thing in the morning, it became really unattractive and really unhealthy.

And I'm going to say that to you, kind sir.

And I, first of all, love that you're a toaster and you respect our opinions.

And I feel like I can say, like, you shouldn't be doing it all day every day.

And it's like not fun.

Once you're doing it all day every day, you're getting to a point where you're going to need to quit.

Like you took it too far.

I took it too far.

I was having like a nicotine addiction.

Whereas like if it was a nighttime fun party thing.

I was like, I'm not going to be impacting people in your life.

Like if your wife didn't care and we're all having fun, then I guess that's, that is fine.

Do whatever you want.

But I think we got to pull it back a little bit.

And the thing is, like, and I can relate because I took it too far too.

And I got to a place where I couldn't vape.

Oh my God, I forgot to tell you guys something.

You vaped.

I did.

At Tinks's thing.

Tinks.

It wasn't Tinks' fault, but I had one hit of a vape.

It probably was like the best feeling I've ever had in my life.

People said, like, people said months later, like, you're going to be so grossed out.

It wasn't gross.

It was.

Only one?

Only one.

And the next day I was fine.

Only one chip.

I feel like it wasn't a big deal.

No, that's not a big deal.

I was totally fine, but I remember like feeling amazing.

Who gave it to you?

You know who gave it to me.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

That's who would give it to you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, God, I'm not even mad at her.

No, I know.

And I'm not mad either.

The next day I told Ben and I was like mad at myself the next day, but I completely forgot about it.

I have no cravings.

So I felt pretty good.

Yeah, that's all good.

And so if I could get to a place where it's like, I did it at a party, like that's what you should be doing.

That's what those things are for.

It's supposed to be fun.

When you take it too far, it's like, okay, what's next?

Heroin?

No, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, dipping your mouth, spit cup.

It's also like really unattractive.

We're not playing baseball.

You know, if you want to be doing that, like, start bringing in some MLB money.

Yeah.

And then make a talk.

I think that's such a fair compromise.

Marriage is all about compromise.

And that's what

would make me feel okay.

There's yours in, bro.

And that's motivating.

Yeah.

So we'll be following up in a year.

Have you made the MLB or have you quit this horrid habit?

That's

honestly, I'm rooting for you to make the MLB.

Me too.

Who cares about cancer?

We're rich.

Who cares about a spit cup?

Yeah, no, we're wealthy.

It's in your other recipe.

It's a spit goblet.

On the other side of the house.

In the West Wing.

All right, you guys.

Thanks to everyone who wrote into Deer Toasters.

We appreciate you, and we hope that, you know, whatever you're going through, we made it a little bit better.

That's our show.

We love you dearly, and we'll see you tomorrow.

Thank you so much for listening to the the Toast Millennium Morning Show, where we deliver the fast-test stories you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

So if you're watching us on YouTube, please feel free to give us a video.

Thumbs up, Worlds Royale, podcast, and we're podcasting.

We've got on South Podfits, Twitter, Bogota,

Live, Fuck, beautiful setting, and wickedly talented we are.

Love ya.

Bye.