Rage, Sadness and Joy: Tuesday, February 27th, 2024

Good morning, millennials.

You guys,

I like, I can't, I cannot be here right now.

Like, this is so toxic.

Jackie and I were 45 minutes into this episode when we realized that only one microphone was up.

And why was only one microphone on?

Oh, because this studio is literally perfect.

We have it down to a science to record the toast, but the fucking good guys came in here yesterday and I I told Ben, he's been in here all week.

I said, because he kept like unplugging my printer, unplugging one of the lights, and I would go and say, when you come in here, whatever you do, undo it.

Unfucking do it.

So what did he do?

He didn't undo it.

He turned off one of the microphones because he was only in here recording by himself.

And usually we catch it, you know?

I'm shake.

Shaking with rage.

Shaking with rage.

Seriously, I don't know if you guys are religious, but I would pray for ben's offer like yeah he is so done and you know what he wasn't even going to be my weenie of the week this week i was like oh i'm not not going to give it two weeks in a row and you know there is no show friday so let's just preemptively say weenie of the week ben's offer

i'm so

mad yeah we we need to regroup because we were 40 minutes into the show we were in story number two we're not going to spend this whole time going over the things that we went over.

We're going to have a fresh show, new conversations, very exciting.

You guys would have liked the old one.

I'm not going to lie.

You would have loved it.

You really would have loved it.

So many great combos were had

we sang a song that was so beautiful like we did we sang a beautiful song we put like such a a nice like bow on this three-week journey we've had i can't

we had such a funny conversation about teresa caputo like i'm gonna kill someone and that person is my husband i'm sure the good guys sabotaged us yet again yet again this has been their most destructive move yet yeah Yeah.

And how, how do we get the good guys back?

By delivering the best fucking episode, by literally being like, oh my, no, I'm sorry.

Like, I'm really having a hard time.

I'm so angry.

I know.

We have to.

I need to let go, but I can't.

No,

you don't need to let go because that would mean like moving on and this

unacceptable behavior.

Like, we can't just let go of it, but we have to set it aside.

Can we set it aside?

Like, no, Ben text me.

I'm so sorry.

I'm like, you're not forgiven.

There's nothing he could say or do.

No, he offered.

He's like, I'm so happy to guest host.

If you like, we don't want your grimy ass.

You guys, go unsubscribe from the good guys.

Let's start out this show, how we started the previous one, which was on a major high because today is a very exciting day here.

You're a bigger woman than me.

Like, I can't move past this.

But we do.

We have to.

Good job.

The girly collection.

Yeah, the girly collection.

Ugh.

We launched our merch today, the girly collection, and so exciting.

You guys are so excited about it.

Claudia and I, it's opposite day because I'm wearing what Turdy wore yesterday down to the shoes.

So we do, we did, yes, we have a lot to be proud of.

We had a big merch launch this morning.

And actually, we did something that we never do, which was that some of our items, most of our merch launches are pre-order.

That's why you guys are able to place the order that you want for the size that you want, with the quantity that you want, and there's no rush.

But the hat, the mug, and the t-shirt, which are all new items for us, we did.

We placed the order already.

So it was a certain amount in a certain amount of items and they sold out almost immediately.

And a lot of people are kind of rioting so what we're doing is we're working on getting the t-shirt up for pre-sale but the mug that sold out instantly is up for pre-sale you can order it now it will take two weeks to ship so just know you're pre-ordering that mug we're trying to do the same with the t-shirt hopefully by the time this episode comes out we'll have that figured out but so glad you guys are loving the merch the sets are still available for pre-sale so you can get whatever size quantity you want you can you don't have to like rush with that um

But it's very exciting.

The girly collection, which we've really been working on since October, is finally out.

And it appears as though everybody's loving it.

And that's just fabulous news.

Fabulous news and fabulous that we get to finally wear it on the show because these things have been in our closets looking us in the face every day as we try to get dressed and we can't wear them and it's unfair.

And now I'm so excited to just be wearing this gorgeous pink set on the show.

I am wearing the girly sweater right now in a large because I'm wearing it with leggings.

So I wanted like more of an oversized look.

When I wear it with the pants and I want it more tailored, I'll wear a medium.

What are you wearing?

I'm wearing large sweatshirt and pants in the soft pink crew neck set.

But the other one that you have is what?

A triple X S?

Triple X S.

Yeah, I feel like you can't say, like, you could say triple X S.

I thought you were going to say triple X L.

I would never.

But it's funny how you can say.

And I said, it hasn't today been hard enough.

It's funny how you can say triple X.

Now we're going to turn on each other.

But you can't say triple X S.

Like, also,

who is a triple X S made for?

Like, that can't be real.

Don't body shame.

No, I'm not.

I'm just saying, like, how is that possible?

Like, I see double X S, and I'm like, excuse me.

Imagine if you said this about

triple X L.

Yeah, no.

How is that possible?

That would be the end of the show.

That would be the end of the show.

So, shop toastmerch.com for all your merch tings, their girly collection is out now, which is very exciting.

It is one of our final episodes together.

So, there is an aura of sadness.

There's a lot of different auras here.

There's simply an aura of rage, which I'm really trying to like not

lean into.

And we were already struggling with a lot of auras here of this bitter sweetness.

Wait, wait, before we do, did we initialize that memory card?

I don't think we need to.

No, we don't need to.

There's a lot of auras.

So, there's also now paranoia.

Paranoia, literally.

PTSD and paranoia.

It's a form of PTSD for sure.

There's an aura of, you know, joyousness and celebration because this merch launch we've worked on for so long.

We will not let Ben Saffer ruin, even though it's all he wants to do.

And there is that aura of rage that I'm really not trying to let come to the surface because it will, once you let it get to a level, like it will take over.

Yeah.

No, I'm keeping turdy at bay, you guys, as best I can.

There's an aura of sadness because after three wonderful weeks together, we will be separated.

Yeah.

And I'm like not feeling so sad about that because there's an aura of happiness.

What's left for me like on my journey is a gorgeous trip to a place I've never been to.

You might be feeling sadness because there's just going to be like this hole in your heart and this hole in your house.

It's true.

The house is going to be really quiet.

I am.

Finding the bright side of things.

I'm looking forward to being very productive after you go.

Are you just like sitting here thinking about all the funny conversations we had?

Like that thing about camp.

That was so funny.

So funny.

We'll find a way to get back there, but then we have to act with each other.

No, we're not recreating conversations.

Like we we don't, it's just

not, it's not who we are.

The thing is, I would be happy to have the conversation again and let you guys know, like, oh, this is what we said.

But I know that you guys find it annoying when we keep saying this is what we said, but we can't act.

We're not actresses, we're not part of SAG AF Stra.

Well, that's true, and it's just like we're too authentic for our own good.

Like, if we were different podcasters, we could sit here and like recreate

Teresa Caputo.

Like, you guys would get that reference if you heard the first fucking episode.

it's okay

calm calmness

it's a beautiful day our second tossed episode together so even though turty's leaving today there will be another episode of the toast tomorrow yes that we're recording later today and then thursday while there is no new episode of the toast we recorded a super fun patreon yesterday that you can watch on thursday we'll release it on thursday so you have something to watch then What would you call yesterday's?

I would call it a lunch and learn because we had lunch.

I would call it a lunch and learn.

Yes.

We had lunch in my car and we learned about each other.

We played this game that Daddy found.

Jaggie hated it, but it was so fun.

I didn't.

And we had a disgusting lunch in the car.

Like we were poisoned.

It's a very good dessert.

It's a disgusting lunch.

I love that.

No, no, no, no, no.

I got it.

I got it.

Disgusting and disgusting.

That's what we were doing.

We were disgusted, but we were also having discussions.

We were.

They were good questions, even though I didn't hate your game, but you're hell-bent on like pitting me against your game.

You were just like, you wanted the game so badly not to be fun, like, cause you hate games.

I do hate games.

So you were like, you were, you were rooting against the game.

I don't think I was.

I just wanted the game to be better.

I just wanted the game to be over.

That too.

So it's a really fun vlog.

It's like a combination of a mukbang, get to know us, car.

Car.

Thing.

I don't know.

Now that I have a car and I drive.

You don't understand why people make so much content in their car.

Of course.

First of all.

The lighting.

Of course.

First of all, the lighting.

Second of all, like the privacy and the silence that I can't find in my own house.

And it's just like, there's something about it that's an elite experience.

Like, I don't care how old you are.

Like, when you're riding dirty in your car, there's nothing cooler.

I agree.

Like, and you're definitely in that stage where like a 16-year-old who walks into homeroom with like their key ring around their finger, like, hey, anybody need a ride?

Like, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I'm so in my anybody need a ride stage.

Oh, we need me to run to the store.

We need milk.

Milk.

I'm on it.

Yeah.

No, you're definitely in your

roomy.

Like, if anybody needs to make a call, I've got a phone.

For sure.

But these weeks have actually been so wonderfully, wonderful period for a myriad of reasons.

The show, the bonding, the sisterhood, but it came at the perfect time.

Screw sisterhood.

It came at the perfect time in my driving journey because what I've really needed is a driving buddy.

And it's hard to get that like with my husband because like then where are our children?

And Turdy has been accompanying me around town to let me know if I can change lanes.

And not a scratch on me.

What do I do at this turning point?

Yeah, I do think you need to drive alone a little bit um

because especially when it comes like switching lanes that's probably the hardest part of driving i completely agree but you didn't really do anything like it was my neck i was relying on you and the camera in front of you like you really need to turn your neck always because there is a blind spot that the camera can't catch

my driving teacher said that my turning camera is really great.

The Tesla one like is superior, but you won't always be driving a Tesla.

Like you need to turn your neck.

That's true.

Even though I need to always be driving a Tesla for other reasons.

Like we're going away next weekend.

Like I literally want to rent a Tesla.

Do it.

We weren't going to rent a car.

Oh, wow.

I'm like, but I just need a Tesla.

Oh, my God.

She's itching.

She needs a name.

She's addicted.

So it has been so great watching you thrive in your driving journey.

I'm really proud of you.

You're really, you know, making enormous strides.

Thank you so much.

And you're a chatty driver.

You are.

I like.

You narrate what's going on.

I narrate what's going on.

I'm just trying to like make a TikTok.

So if you could shut the fuck off.

You wouldn't expect that from me because I'm not a chatty person.

Aside from the show, you really wouldn't expect it from me because it's like, yeah, I talk for a living.

But if you know me, my personal life, I am not chatty.

I think sometimes people are really thrown by that.

Yeah.

And certainly I do not chat in the car.

Like the way I can zone out in the car and it'll be 30 minutes.

I'm like,

I'm like Raven Simone.

I pop back in.

Pop back in.

So I am devastated to be leaving, but, and I think we've done some great work here at the toast.

Let's talk about the toast at a glance, Florida edition.

We've done some great work.

We've had some great clips.

Oh, what was that clip we said we were going to make in the old podcast?

I think it's still.

I remember what it was.

It was a nice highlight reel from our time together and we need to have a song play over it because you guys missing the old podcast and i'm not going to keep doing this but this part i will jackie um i just i i sing a song for you it turned into a duet of course because it can never be a solo if turdy's not singing you know because my bags are packed i'm i'm leaving her bags are packed she's ready to go i'm standing here outside her door i hate to wake brew up to say goodbye

but the dawn is breaking, it's early morn.

The taxi's waiting, he's blowing his horn.

Already I'm so lonesome, I could cry.

So kiss me and smile for me.

Tell me that you'll wait for me.

Hold me like you'll never let me go.

Cause I'm leaving

on a jet plane.

Don't know when I'll be back again.

Oh, babe, I hate to go.

It's so funny, like us like singing this song, like sweet singing, is the antithesis of how I'm feeling inside.

Like, on the inside, I'm filled with a red-hot rage, and I'm here, like, so kiss me and smile for me.

Like,

yeah, I feel angry, and the song I want to be singing is like, so kill me.

Like, slay my husband.

Like, that's really what I want to be singing.

Sing through the pain, yeah.

No, it was just, like, I actually was really having a hard time not laughing.

It was the most disingenuous I've ever been.

Like, singing that song, sweet little girl singing, like, swaying and snapping with her sister.

In her brain, she's thinking, knife, knife, knife.

I thought we sounded nice.

We did, of course, but I was just laughing.

Of course, everything we do is right and good.

Of course, because we're amazing and we're helpful and we make the good guys who they are.

The good guys, they need a rebrand.

Bad, bad, bad boys.

Bad boys.

Literally.

I'm sorry to have taken us back to that dark place.

Yeah, because we sang a beautiful song.

We're going to put together a really pretty montage from our time together here.

I'm really excited about it.

Clip it.

Like, if we don't make you cry, fail.

Speaking of clip, give me that.

I want to talk about this.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

So we were watching Vanderpump Rules the other night and I saw, and I've actually seen weirdly also Chelsea from Vanderpump Rules from Vanderpump Rules from Love is Blind.

She had this like type of clip in her hair the entire show.

And then I saw Lala wearing it.

And I'm actually, I've been wearing so many claw clips and like they're actually really ugly.

And I've seen a lot of people wearing these like gold metal ones and I think they're cool.

So I bought some for my trip because I imagine I'll have like wet hair a lot and it's just not going to be like a gorgeous hair trip.

And I bought a pack of like six so I could give you some and I was like, Jackie, I got you a present.

Like here, I gave you this claw clip.

And she made this fucking face.

Like, she was like, what?

Like, she was like, that's the ugliest fucking thing I've ever seen i don't think i said that i just like didn't find it to be so cute i wasn't so moved by it i put it in my hair and it hurt and it also like you get like strands caught up in it it's painful it's a painful experience yet here you are where you wore it on our original episode that will never make the air i did i had my hair up in the original episode i took it down midway through just in case it looked bad you know because you just never know yeah i like to do a multiple style switch upon them soon i'll have to put it back up in the claw clip i just like i finished that you were extremely ungracious in the reception and the gift gift.

Thank you,

but I don't like it.

I don't like it.

But no thanks.

Literally, thanks, but no thanks.

I just want to say, when you were wearing it this morning, you looked so cool.

Like your hair looked cool.

And with your red hair, like, I'm not going to force you to take this.

Like, I'll take it.

But with your red hair and like the gold, it really looked gorgeous.

I just want to say, you gave me three.

I thought this was the nicest looking one.

The other two were butt ugly.

Oh my God.

Like, be gracious.

So many gifts I gave you this trip.

Like, I, I just.

What else did you give me?

The queen pajamas, bitch.

True.

My presents, of course.

Of course.

I gave you my entire closet.

You gave.

I didn't say you didn't get.

Did I ever take something to be like, this is disgusting?

Imagine.

You would, though.

I wouldn't.

I would never.

You would.

I would never.

Okay.

Well, I'm not going to let like what Ben did come between us.

It's true.

We're lashing out now at each other.

We're sad over the lost episode.

We're sad over the time, you know, that we've had coming to an end.

So we're obviously like being, you're like you were last night, you were just lashing out at me.

You wanted me to turn away and run so you wouldn't have to be, you know, sad that I'm leaving.

You could just be happy that I'm gone.

Yeah, we're just sort of pushing each other away so it makes good saying goodbye easier.

Yeah.

But it's never going to be easy.

And these three weeks like have just been so special and we don't want them to end.

Even though you're going to same parts and like, that's all well and good.

It's good.

It's good.

But like I can, you know, last night we were having dinner and everyone was together and I made like a little speech.

I almost like I teared up because it really, like, I'm so sad to be leaving.

I love it here.

I love you.

You've been so great to me.

And everyone has.

And I'm just, I am really sad to be leaving.

I also do want to clip the moment I realized that we weren't recording because I literally, I think I screamed like I was being kidnapped.

Yeah.

And I knew immediately.

I saw you.

I saw you like looked at the roadcaster and you screamed.

And I'm like, there's something.

And I saw we were recording, but then we were one down.

And yesterday we caught it before we recorded because he still didn't put the studio back together.

Yes, that's true.

He didn't put the second mic back on, but you, eagle-eyed podcaster, figured it out before we even began.

when we okay we like we either need to i think we need to like cleanse ourselves like we need to i'm at a place now where i can let go it took it took me 16 minutes but i'm i'm okay now i'll stop talking about it on this episode on this episode but your relationship with ben when we get you need couple therapy couples therapy i need a lawyer yeah divorce

No, and like, I'm sure he's like, has such a pick because he knows I'm going to come down and just seriously pray for Ben.

Pray for Ben.

And they're going on vacation together right now.

And this is is not how you want to start a trip.

What should I ask for like in exchange?

Like obviously now I'm owed something because I can't.

What should I say?

The debt is large.

Right.

I'm going to think about it, but sound off in the comments.

Like, what should I make Ben do to make this like okay?

To put the rug in my room.

That's for you, bitch.

No.

No, but like it'll be, it's the kind of punishment he needs, like manual labor.

Actually, he did do it to both of us.

Like think about what this is.

There are two deaths.

We both said that.

It's not just me yeah right two deaths like people will say like he doesn't need to buy you anything nothing like that no he needs honestly like manual physical labor

sweating thinking about what he did and how he's not gonna do it again and put i have a big ass rug that needs to be moved into my room you know what's so toxic is like now i'm starting to feel bad for ben like we need to you know i already like feel bad for him because how can he cry

But this is what, like, he did us wrong.

Why are we feeling bad for him?

Yeah.

I just want to say I already feel like this episode is better than the last one.

I'm like, I hate to keep bringing it up.

And the thing is, the last one was so good, like solid classic toast.

Yeah.

But it wasn't anything that's never been done before.

Yeah.

And that can't ever be done again.

And there was no like benchmark moment.

Like there are certain things.

I didn't wheeze laugh about anything yet.

No, but in this one, you did.

About what?

I don't know, but I like made note of it.

You were wheezing twice.

Oh, about me singing, but also being angry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Slaps the second time.

So like, it's fine.

It's fine.

It's fine.

I just, I apologize to anyone listening for whom this is a frustrating experience.

Just, I know you're frustrated.

Imagine how.

Imagine how we feel.

Imagine how tired we are.

Imagine how tired we are of it.

Okay.

But we're going to

lay this to rest.

Here.

Actually, let's have like a quick ceremony, like a funeral.

Okay.

Here lies our rage with Ben for the moment.

No, I'm not laying down the rage.

I'm laying down this episode.

For the moment.

No, no, I'm not laying down the rage.

I'm laying down the episode.

Like, I need to make peace with the fact that that episode is and we're not going to recreate it.

Like, let's just give a quick funeral eulogy for that episode.

Okay.

That it was literally 41 minutes.

Okay.

We were in the second story.

Here lies 41 minutes of toast.

41 minutes that we'll never get to experience the life that it should have.

41 minutes taken from us far too soon.

It's not the end.

It's just the beginning.

If I may, with the song.

Please.

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

You were bigger than the whole sky.

You are more than just 41 minutes.

I've got a lot to pine about.

I've got a lot to rage about.

I'm never gonna meet what could have been, would have been, what should have been toast.

Chills.

Thank you.

And now just one quick moment of silence.

And without further ado, without further ado, here are the fast five stories that you need to know.

Like doing the ads twice.

I know I said, I wouldn't bring it up.

She couldn't make it a minute.

Okay, now.

Did you say what you needed to say?

I think so.

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Okay, Slay, like,

you know, better the second time.

Yeah.

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Our first story.

Taylor Swift's camp hits back at claims that her dad, Scott, assaulted a photographer in Australia.

Taylor's camp has spoken out after Scott was accused of assaulting a paparazzo while the pair were out in Australia early Tuesday.

Taylor's dad allegedly slugged a photographer at Sydney's ferry wharves as the singer was exiting a yacht.

Local police did not confirm that it was the singer's father, but said a 71-year-old man allegedly assaulted a 51-year-old man at Neutral Bay Wharf at about 2.30 a.m., a New South Wales police spokesperson said.

Swift's camp said this, quote, two individuals were aggressively aggressively pushing their way towards tailored grabbing at her security personnel and threatening to throw a female staff member into the water

I mean I feel like this really tracks like Scott Swift has a history of being extremely violent he's like literally a criminal um he's so like filled with rage i actually really um like relate to him in that sense um and so like this really tracks and i think he should be thrown in australian prison and throw away the key you know lock him up and throw away the key for sure this is about time someone caught him yeah this crazy lunatic this crazy violent criminal this is so dumb the paparazzi is giving such like victim energy the thing is when you're a paparazzi and your job is to like literally stalk people like i'm never gonna feel bad for you i don't even care if scots of like just punched this innocent man in the face who was standing 30 feet away from him like to me the paparazzo is always the the aggressor yeah the aggressor and there's a video of it but you can't see anything everyone's like like analyzing this video.

It's don't waste your time.

I tried.

There's literally nothing to see.

Like the car is blocking the whole thing and you're literally watching a car door the entire video.

It's so stupid Um, but I did watch it like 50 times That's weird that there's always like eyes on tailored and cameras everywhere and they don't have the video of this Oh, so she's actually in the video and she does this quite a lot when she does not want to be photographed She's literally walking through the street.

Her dad is holding her arm.

She has an umbrella closed over her face.

So you can't see her face.

It's literally just her body and her dad is holding her hand like guiding her to the car.

She did not want her face.

Why wouldn't she want to be seen?

Like that, I understand why people don't want to be seen sometimes, but why do you think?

She does that umbrella thing pretty much every single time she gets off of her private jet.

I've never seen her do it in like public on the street.

Like maybe she wasn't wearing makeup and she didn't want to be.

Maybe she just, I don't know, but I agree.

I've never seen her do that anywhere other than her, um, the tarmac, if you will.

Yeah, maybe she flies without makeup.

You know, because you've got your skin.

Who, who flies with makeup?

You do sometimes.

So if I actually, yeah, I do sometimes.

Sometimes I like to look presentable, you know, depending on who I'm traveling with.

Like when I'm going to a wedding and I know there's like only three flights and like most of the guests are on this flight, I'm putting on makeup.

You know, the handful of times I've flown private,

we got to look our best.

You got to step there or pussy up.

If I'm traveling like on a group trip or something, maybe, but I'll usually before a trip, depending on where I'm going, I usually have a spray tan.

Yeah, and it's not the vibe.

And a blowout.

So I look decent.

Oh, true, but also you're not going to put makeup over your spray tan because then you have to take off your makeup and you take off a layer of spray tan before the trip's even started.

No, of course.

But like there's a special like girly feeling of getting a spray tan tan and not showering before the flight.

So you're really like the most developed and you go pee in the bathroom and like you look crazy in the bathroom.

It's like the best feeling just knowing how beautiful you're going to look when you take a shower.

It's like so confined.

You smell your spray tan like everywhere.

Yeah, I like that to me.

That's like better than like sniffing glue.

Like that's the best.

Yeah.

All that to say, it's case dependent whether or not I'm traveling with makeup, but it's not great for your skin to do so.

But it's also just like not.

I can't decide which argument is stronger.

Like, do you want to look presentable when you're flying on an airplane or like have we committed to slobhood?

We've committed to slobhood.

I'm sorry.

Like, look around.

Yeah.

So we're just, yeah, we're going to give up that fight.

But I, I also feel like the airlines demand slobhood.

They treat you like a slob.

Yeah, no, and everything is disgusting and dirty.

Like, why would I show up my best when they're not putting their best foot forward?

Why should I?

No, it's so true.

But back to Taylore and Scott.

Um,

the paparazzi who's like claiming that he was like a victim of battery, it's giving very much like, hey, look at me.

Like, ow.

It's like a toddler when like they fall and they're really not in pain and they start crying.

It's giving attention horror.

Yeah.

It's giving losers searching for victimhood.

It's giving, hey, look at me.

Hey, look at me.

And look, we're looking at you.

So, and we don't like what we see.

No, congratulations.

You play yourself.

Congratulations.

You played yourself.

So yeah, hopefully

this works itself out.

I'm not worried.

Scott is, you know, Scott is a law-abiding citizen.

Yeah.

No matter where he is.

You know, these are different laws, but I'm sure he's abiding by them.

Yeah, but you also like, you don't want to be caught out in another country breaking the law.

It's giving a man a knocks.

Oh, no.

With that show you like?

Brittany Griner.

Oh.

Being out of the country.

Like, you never know.

You could get detained.

It's true.

That's why when people, like, even just people I know, like travel with like their weed pens, I'm like, did you learn nothing from Brittany Griner?

Like, to me, that's my worst time.

Also, I know I always talk about this stupid show Brian made me watch once.

Locked up.

That's what I thought you were going to say.

Oh, my God.

And those people were like drug mules.

It's not the same as like a vape pen or like having a loose joint in your makeup case.

These people were like swallowing rubber bandfuls of...

Oh, they did that shit.

You know, they were like actual people like being drug mules carrying like illegal amounts of

framed or suspected.

No, no, no, not only that.

It wasn't like a minor, like there are different amounts that require that get different.

sentences.

Like someone having one joint or one vape pen is different than like having a block of cocaine stuck up their ass, you know?

Yeah.

But of course, it does make me think of that show locked up abroad, which I feel everybody should just watch.

So like they, they take it seriously.

Everyone's into like magic mushrooms now.

They travel with like their chocolates, like in their oils.

Just watch Locked Up Abroad.

No, but aside from drugs, like just to take seriously the notion of not breaking the rules of whatever country that you're in.

Yeah.

And not even getting close to it or, you know, because sometimes you go to jail for something and you didn't do that shit.

And it's like to not even, as best as you can, put yourself in a situation where it could even be.

No, it's true.

I actually should read the laws when I to say St.

Barts.

Yeah.

I really don't want to end up in the St.

Bartholomew prison.

That would be bad, but good for the podcast, of course.

No, because I couldn't podcast with you.

The audio would be.

But like Ben and the Taylors could like come back and tell my story.

You would let Ben?

No, Ben would have to stay with me, of course.

He's in prison with me.

I don't care if he didn't even do anything.

Cause he didn't turn up the microphone, jail.

I would send the Taylors back, and Taylor's a professional podcaster, and she would host, she would fill in for me and tell my story.

I would trust her to tell my story.

I would too.

Yeah.

Trust her to tell your story.

Yeah.

Mind if she.

I'm just already feeling like this podcast is so much better.

Like I'm feeling really good.

Oh, and by the way, as we get into the next story, we're back where we left.

We're caught up.

We're caught up.

And that's the best feeling.

Now we can like move forward.

With like a clean slate, tabula rasse of like kind of let go of the chip on our shoulder.

Even though Ben was the one who was like, you guys have to let go of the chip on your shoulder when he keeps putting a chip on every single one.

When he's the one literally placing it.

Yeah.

And also eating the chip.

No wonder.

Before we even get a chance.

Well, let's talk about that while we're ragging on Ben.

Jackie and I went to get like a healthy lunch at this grocery store that had good pre-made food.

And then we decided to buy ourselves two little treats.

Two tiny little treats.

One was a chocolate covered graham cracker and the other was like a strawberry yogurt covered pretzel.

They were purple.

They looked gorgeous.

Did you have any graham crackers?

I had a half of one because I saw before I even opened them, there was only two left.

I had zero.

I didn't even have a bite.

Okay, I didn't even have one.

They're gone.

The yogurt pretzel, I'm not going to lie, I had like three or four.

I did get to taste it.

But Ben sat down to watch TV with the carton.

Like they were all gone, vacuum energy.

Let's not forget the Valentine's Day hearts of 2024.

Oh my God, I didn't even realize he, Olivia got us all chocolates for Valentine's Day.

I didn't get any.

No, not even that.

You don't even know this.

Well, I said it on the show, but you must have been looking for your ads or something.

Yeah, I know, like thinking about myself.

But that I had bought chocolate hearts for everyone because I had, like, I had a full house and I wanted to put like chocolate hearts on everyone's pillowcase on Valentine's Day.

I bought them a few days before.

They did not make it to Valentine's Day.

Wait, by the way, I didn't know this.

I said it on the show.

So that's disgusting of me, like for just like literally not knowing, but that's.

Yeah, I bought chocolate hearts like for your pillow for Valentine's Day and Ben ate them all.

I have a memory of you telling me that you were going to put chocolate hearts on anybody, on everybody's pillow.

Like, that's like a many days of we were sitting just like this.

Yeah.

But I don't know if I wasn't listening or didn't compute that you didn't get to do that because my vacuum of a husband ate them.

Yes.

We really need to have a sit down with him.

Like, how do you guys, and maybe this is just like a universal problem.

How are we getting through to our husbands?

Like, we have these conversations and Ben like will walk away and I'm like, I need you to listen.

And then he will sit down and listen and he will not change.

I know.

What do we do?

i think there's two paths corporal punishment there's two paths corporal punishment you're taking him to saint bart's

there's two paths here we can plot how we can make it better and like we can all share tips and tricks we've learned along the way or the second path it's just like we accept them for how they are and i know it's like so

It's so unfair.

It's so unfair.

But if we accept them from how they are, then we're not expending more effort, more disappointment trying to change them.

And we can just like

bloom where they've been planted.

Somebody needs to write a smut book because smut is like really, and everyone's tastes are different, but like you get to express like your deepest fantasies in smut.

So a lot of that is like, you know, for me, it's like, you know, really big, rich men, you know, some girls like, you know, whatever.

I need somebody to write an erotic novel about like a man who's capable,

a man who plans, a man who's on time, a man who can do the dishes, a man who will put the microphone thing back up like that to me is erotica well I feel like that's why those books are fantasy because they do those things so true so true but like literally Tessa Bailey is like somebody write a book like

the capable one something like that yeah one true capable something

one true capable like to me like being capable and reliable like that's better than having a six pack Oh, yeah.

Like that's better than having like a 10, a 10 inch dick.

Well, anyone can go and get a six pack.

Yeah.

and anybody can get a penile implant but not everyone can do the dishes in a timely manner and take the trash out now and be like forward thinking about like what needs to get done next yeah or like like to me like yeah you can have three orgasms in a night or you can go to take the trash out and it's already been taken out and new bags put back in or like you go to get a sparkling water and there's a cold one in the fridge okay that's like a really niche no because my husband's in charge of beverages yeah you have this problem okay my husband is in charge of beverages he's the food and beverage director not even food beverage he's the beverage beverages because they're really heavy and that's just something i'm sad like you're in charge of inventory

lug it from the garage like no you're in charge and he also likes to drink an assortment of drinks so it's it's in his wheelhouse it's natural he's in charge of inventory storage shipping all of logistics and i have no

cold waters in my house.

I barely have room temperature waters.

Nothing is ever like where it should be.

I bought some drinks and left them by the door because again, I'm not in charge of shipping to the kitchen.

I saw there was snapple and cranberry juice at the front door for weeks.

Weeks.

Yeah, it's out there.

Because the beverage director was out of it.

And by the way, I saw somebody open the snapple and just take a snapple

and like drink

because I saw a hole in the snapple pack.

I'm like, oh my God, somebody didn't even bring it to the kitchen.

They just took a snapple.

I bet it was bad.

Next, what I saw this morning, like, I'm glad I'm remembering this because it needs.

By the way, this episode is so much better.

Because I need to write him a strongly worded email of what I saw this morning.

You know where the snapples have ended up and the cranberry juices.

They finally moved.

They moved.

Yeah.

Where'd they go?

In the pantry to the right of my fridge that has like all of my Tupperwares and like reusable cups.

They're literally stacked in a line, like blocking everything that's in the pantry.

Yeah, that's bad.

Like put them in the fridge.

And then my back fridge, which is where we should store drinks to keep them cold, only Spritzes.

Yeah, by the way, I got a bunch of beverages and I took it upon myself to go put them in the back fridge forever.

And I got snapples.

I got LaCroix.

I got coffee.

There was no space.

There was spritz everywhere.

It's just everything that's in the back fridge is like alcoholic.

Yeah.

And you guys don't even drink.

And I just want a fucking cold snapple and a cold pellegrino.

I'm sorry.

I did put a snapple in the fridge last night.

You can have it.

I saw it.

It's been getting in my way.

And no, no, no.

No, just like because there's not a set place for beverages.

Yeah.

Sorry, this is just like kind of what I'm going through.

And I didn't mean to take it out on everyone.

And I was actually going to keep it to myself.

Do you feel better getting it out?

Well, now I feel like a little nitpicky.

Yeah, no, me too.

But like, look at us feeling bad stop it

like really you have one job beverage logistics beverages no beverages are never where they need to be

and the worst is like when i'm making a bottle me up now like the worst is when i'm going to make a bottle for charlie and i'm going for a room temperature bottle of water because like there's well for i use room temperature for his bottles but not that there's any in the fridge and when i can't find a bottle of water because they're like in the garage and you're cursing his name and i'm like oh how holding a baby trying to make a bottle he's hungry Screaming, crying, throwing out.

Is my water.

Swear to her.

I need to shake it off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now we're like, we've kind of swapped.

Like, I'm feeling good.

No, no, no.

I'm feeling this nice.

This is maybe our best episode.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And by the way, as we say, we're back to where we were.

This isn't about the previous episode.

This is just about like beverage logistics.

And we've had guests.

We need to have cold beverages.

I can't.

That's humiliating.

Humiliating.

So embarrassing.

You don't have guests.

Like, who?

You.

Oh, I'm not a guest.

No, but family.

I know, but you want to put your best foot forward.

Of course, of course.

Our next story.

Speaking of lovely relationships, Brielle Bierman is engaged to baseball player Billy Seidel.

She posted on Monday that she got engaged to Billie Seidel nearly a year after they took their romance public.

She said, forever with you.

I didn't even know she had a boyfriend.

This story really just kind of

was planted in my lap and I was overjoyed.

You know how I feel about this family.

And I know some people are going to be like, why is this a story?

And like, I understand, but you don't don't understand.

Beerman news, Beerman news is extremely personal to me.

It doesn't cross our desk without us discussing it, aside from like all this divorce back and forth, because we can't keep up with back and forth.

Yeah.

Where did they land with that, by the way?

I don't know.

Yeah, it was too much.

And I don't want to talk about like sad Beerman news.

I only want to talk about HBN, Happy Beerman News.

And this is so, and I feel like in the last year or two, it's kind of been a tumultuous time for the Beerman's financially, divorce, the police were called, all those different things.

And it just appears as though like Brielle has been keeping her head down, like moving in silence, you know, influencing, influencing building a business she got her lip filler dissolved and apparently she's been falling in love and you know what we stand you know who it's her and bridget mandler moving in silence just popping up with good news love that that's how everybody should do yeah

really happy for her congrats congrats grads congrats grads i just love the beermans and you know i had a dream that brielle bierman the night before last i had a dream that she was pregnant and like gave birth to a baby and i don't dream about her often and then i woke up and like 12 hours later saw the news that she was pregnant i mean excuse me not pregnant um engaged so i feel like i don't know like i kind of made this happen i don't know i just feel connected to the story in some way i can't explain it maybe it's like in a third eye sort of way because i definitely have like clairvoyant tendencies or in a making things about you sort of way no no no no i don't never i don't no not ever just not now Okay.

Well, yeah, maybe you are cosmically connected to the Beermans.

I wouldn't put that past you.

Me neither.

And you know what?

Maybe in like a prior life.

The thing is, it's so crazy.

Like I'm actually friendly with Brielle Bierman.

I feel like if I wanted to, because a place like I need to visit before I die, people always say, like, I need to see the, you know, pyramids before I die.

I need to see the Bierman house before I die.

And I feel like I literally could.

Like, if I said to Brielle, like, can I come over?

She would be like, yeah.

When you're in Atlanta next.

Right.

And I actually go to Atlanta, like, not never.

I was just there.

Yeah.

I was in Athens, but still.

Not never.

Life brings us there.

And it's so convenient to get to from New York.

So many Delta flights.

Yeah.

Like, I like would like to spend the night there.

And like, I would do a 24-hour live stream.

Yeah.

I mean, they have a chef.

Yeah.

fuck me up they have a pool i'll go in the summer like me and brielle could have a pool party and i would get to go on like a double date loving it hopefully ben gets to go oh every time he's done take it back it's a girls weekend girls weekend he's not coming to atlanta fuck him

are you ready for our next story a little fashion news and this is exactly where we were when we and by the way 41 minutes oh my gosh that is crazy that's really crazy because i wow i didn't expect that but i was saying fashion news and turdy said i always say fashion news.

This is where we were.

This is where we were.

She said, I always say fashion.

Every time I say it, she thinks I'm going to say fascist.

Because it's the way you emphasize a little fashion.

Like you always put the emphasis on the first syllable.

I just want to know, it's never felt that way to me, but it does to you because of friends.

And you wanted to issue a correction.

Yes.

The reason why Jackie always reminds me of the word fascist when she says fashion is because that episode of Friends where Joey says, you know, girls who are into fashion are fascists because he's like dumb and brain dead and like probably like needs help.

And then it reminded me, I wanted to issue a correction yesterday when we were recapping.

Oh my god, I'm having PTSD.

This was literally the sentence.

When you said Shane Gillis, oh fuck, that's literally how I left.

When we were recapping Shane Gillis, we were talking about the R word and Jackie, you were like, didn't you, don't you always say, Claudia, that friends uses the R word.

I'm like, no, what are you talking about?

Yes, they do.

I forgot, Phoebe, yes, so they do use it.

I was incorrect and you were right and I was wrong.

And I'm dumb and you're stupid.

And I mean, I'm dumb and you're smart.

And there's nothing you can do about it.

And there's nothing you can do about it.

But to your credit, they have taken that out of reruns.

Yes, yes.

And Phoebe says it with an accent.

So I had forgotten.

She says, he's un re,

you know?

Yeah.

Regard.

Right, right, right.

Our next story, fashion news, not fascist news.

Monica Lewinsky is an empowered woman at 50 in a new Reformation fashion and voting campaign.

So Monica Lewinsky is rocking everything from a bold leather trench to her signature little

black dress.

As she stars in Reformation's latest fashion campaign, and she's aiming to get women to use their voice at the polls.

The 50-year-old former White House employee looks stunning in the brand's new images, with Lewinsky and Reformation teaming up with vote.org to encourage women to cast their votes in style.

Let me ask you a question.

Are women not voting?

First of all, second of all, like, why?

I actually like the idea of like Monica Lewinsky being like a spokesperson for like fashion, like something.

Like, sure, go off, queen.

Like, she deserves her flowers.

Her life was ruined.

Um, but like, it, like, why, like, why is it a commercial and then they just like slap on voting?

Like, do you know what I mean?

Like, I have such a problem with the way we talk about voting.

You guys know, like, the way influencers talk about voting is like a real trigger for me.

And the way, like, just vote.org and like on Facebook, you can't open fucking Facebook without that vote thing coming up.

It's like demeaning to my intelligence.

Like, I am registered to vote.

And I just think like the way we slap voting onto things, like, it so makes no sense and it's so performative.

Yeah.

This included.

People who shop at Reformation are registered to vote.

Yeah.

No, it's just like a lot of things at once.

You're doing too much.

And also it makes no sense.

It's not cohesive.

Like what does shopping, Monica Lewinsky, and voting have to do?

I think the message is get to the polls in style with Reformation.

So it's also like voting and doing vote.org is like kind of like non-profit sort of thing.

But you're also like pushing your dresses.

So we're like shopping and you know what I mean?

And I just want to say like I actually also don't agree with the concept concept of shop of shopping excuse me voting in style of voting in style like voting is an extremely inconvenient thing like people do it you know after work during their lunch break in their gym clothes like what i have to go home and change now i'm never gonna get to the polls yeah i think like it's kind of profiting off of voting which is the opposite of what these voting campaigns should be doing agreed and it's doing a little too much and i like monica i like well yeah i like monica winski i don't know but i like reformation is what i say i like the brand i like the partnership i think the clothes look really nice but all in all this is not doing it for me.

Same, but I do like the idea of like Monica Lewinsky having a moment.

I think with the Beanie Feldstein show, that was excellent.

She definitely had a moment then.

And I think she's continuing to have that moment.

So I'm here for that.

Like I actually thought this was like different and creative.

And this is good for reformation, like a brand that I feel like, you know, like nobody talks about, you know?

Yeah.

Like we're talking about them now.

But I just, it makes, it always makes me think about like the whole voting marketing thing at a glance.

Like I just feel like it's so weird.

And that's not to say it is important to vote.

That's not what I'm saying.

I just find the way that like in media, it's spoken about, it's almost like so dumb, it's derogatory.

It's derogatory to people's intelligence.

And people will say, you know, a lot of people need the tools.

Like people have brains too.

And they know

that it's voting coming out.

Like we don't need all this like excess.

It is very condescending.

Bring a snack.

Drive your elderly neighbor.

Look up your polling place.

It's the same fucking place every year.

It's the middle school.

Like it's just, it frustrates me.

Yeah.

And this is a little bit of a reach, I would say.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, and I think this campaign would have made waves regardless, like with Monica Lewinsky.

She looks beautiful.

Like, she really does.

And the clothes look great.

The clothes look great.

I just like, I hate all this like voting marketing.

I think it's being done wrong.

And that's not to say it shouldn't be done.

It should be, but it's wrong.

Yeah.

I don't like it.

But it also, it's like, so what month is it?

February.

This is going to be a long year, Turdy.

It's begun, you guys.

Gird your loins.

Gird your loins.

That is one of my favorite phrases.

And I have to thank Stanley Tucci for it.

Of course.

I had never heard it before that.

I'm sure it existed, but

he definitely popularized the phrase, gird your loins.

You know what else is happening this year that we haven't discussed?

Olympics.

We have discussed.

Okay.

I think we discussed it on the previous episode briefly, but not enough.

So I'm glad I'm bringing it back to the fore.

What?

Leap year.

It's not even happening this year.

It's happening this week.

This week is a leap year week.

And I just think leap years are really fascinating.

I do too, especially like when I learned why they happen.

Like, you know, every year is actually not 365 days, it's 365 days and six hours.

So every four years, we get an extra day, and that's February 29th.

And I always think about the people, of course, who are born on February 29th.

Right, but you know what?

I realized recently that there are people who are born in August on August 29th, 30th, and 31st who don't have half birthdays.

Riddle me that.

Why wouldn't somebody born on August 30th not have a half birthday?

It would be February 30th.

Oh, duh.

Oh my gosh.

The August to February pipeline.

But then also then it made me realize people who are born on the 31st.

Of other months.

Of other months, their six-month counterpart, they might not have half birthdays.

I didn't know there were people out that like struggling without a half birthday.

No, that's why it's actually like really great that half birthdays are fucking meaningless because like this doesn't matter, you know?

I feel like it does.

Well, we didn't celebrate my half birthday, so it doesn't fucking matter.

You didn't make it a thing.

Well, you know, it's usually at your half birthday is when we start talking about your birthday.

And we actually did start talking about your birthday last night.

We're not talking about my birthday on this podcast.

Move on.

Move on?

Move on.

Okay, moving on to Monica Lewinsky for Reformation.

Cute, but like, do better.

And like, can we just

pause with the vote stuff?

Like, just, can you wait till the fall?

Like, no, not.

And the timing doesn't bother me.

Can we just re-direct, like re-reimagine?

Reimagine how we're like encouraging people to vote because the way they just slap it on random things that have no tie-in, fucking dresses, like it makes no sense.

And honestly, it makes me not want to vote, okay?

Yeah.

All is that to say, make sure you're registered to vote.

And get out the vote.

Vote.org.

Get out the vote in 10 months, you guys.

Yeah, you have time.

Don't worry.

Yeah.

But we'll remind you every day too.

You know what?

You can just wear your toast merch.

Like, it's not.

Oh, by the way.

Vote in style.

Shop toastmerch.com.

The girly collection.

One.

Women, make your voices heard.

Go to shop toastmerch.com.

Girls around the world, vote in style, vote comfortably with shop toastmerch.com.

And 0.5% of our sales are going to votevote.org.

So you can feel good knowing your purchase goes a long way.

Can you raise money for vote.org?

No, I was just trying to make a joke.

Yeah, I don't think, I think they're, they have money.

I think they're funded.

Yeah, they're certainly funded.

Are you ready for our next story?

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Our next story.

One of your favorite couples has welcomed another Beppa.

Jesse James Decker?

No, but she did also welcome a Beppa.

Yeah, but she's not one of my favorite couples.

I like her, but she's not like one of my favorites.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

I really didn't mean that in a shady way.

I just thought that's who you were talking about.

No, Miranda Kerr has welcomed her fourth baby, her third with her husband, Evan Spiegel.

Obsessed with her.

Miranda Kerr is a four-time mom.

She gave birth to baby number four, her third with her husband, Evan Spiegel, because she has one child with Orlando Bloom.

Who she co-parents beautifully with with Katie Perry.

She said, we are overjoyed by the arrival of our little ray of sunshine, Pierre Kerr-Spiegel.

We couldn't be more excited to welcome our fourth son into our family, feeling so very blessed.

Now, read me the names of all of her kids so I know how Pierre fits in the group.

Hart is five.

H-A-R-T.

Yep.

Miles, M-Y-L-E-S, is four.

And Pierre is just born, but then her son with Orlando Bloom is Flynn.

I think it works.

Really?

I don't.

I feel like Flynn, Hart, and what's the third?

Miles are so like all-American.

Pierre is giving croissant.

I like Pierre.

I like it too, but I feel like it so doesn't fit.

I actually love the names of her first three kids.

Flynn, Hart, and Miles.

Like, so

like, I'm not like, I don't know, like, linguistics or anything, but I feel like they're from the same like Greek.

Yeah.

The thing is, the reason why these four work for me is because I like them all.

Yeah.

I like the name Pierre.

I just feel it doesn't fit with the group.

Because I saw it first and I really liked it.

It doesn't, it's not the outlier.

Like for me, it's always, it gives kind of a linchpin for me.

It gives Ergule Perot, you know?

Yeah.

And it's a beautiful name.

What about Hart Perrault?

Like, no, you see what I'm saying?

I do.

Flynn Perot.

Flynn Perot.

I love Branda Kerr.

She can do absolutely no wrong.

We love, you know, the way she's just kind of,

it's really, I feel like she's having like ideal model retirement life.

Like she married a businessman, Bo, who is literally a billionaire.

They have a ton of kids.

She has a really successful business, Cora Organics.

She's not like overexposed.

She doesn't go to like a million parties.

Like every time she shows up, like people turn around.

Like, I just love her.

And then she has like the connection to Katy Perry, which I feel like keeps her really relevant.

Like, I just love.

No, beautiful.

Also, low-key that she has so many kids.

Yeah.

I didn't realize.

And also, I saw yesterday, like, she has four kids.

And now in Hungary, if you have four more babies, you don't have to pay income tax for life.

Does she live in Hungary?

No, but like, isn't that an interesting policy?

Oh, moving to Hungary and having four kids.

Right?

No.

That's motivational.

Yeah.

Do they want people to have kids in Hungary?

Is that like, yeah, they want to, you know, increase their population as some people do.

Like, what is a law?

Like, what is something?

Like, in America, if they had said, like, if you do X, you don't have to pay

income tax.

Like, what is something that I would do?

Would you have four kids to not pay income tax?

Yeah, I mean, I do want to have a lot of kids, but like the act of actually having them is like a whole other question.

Right.

So, like, if they said, like, you have to, you know, never, like, have soda again, like, I would.

Of course.

If they said you have to, like, there's really few things.

I would consider anything.

Also, whatever they're asking you to do you would hope you never know but hope would be to your benefit or something that's like the benefit of the nation for society but you know people could disagree on what that is so that's why it's not cut and dry but i would consider most things to not pay income tax but miranda doesn't live in hungry is what you're saying you were just bringing that up i was just bringing that up because she has four kids interesting this is a new hungarian policy it's like the opposite of china yeah where you're only allowed to have one which i always think about like what if you have twins they definitely have a twin loophole.

Okay.

I would hope.

Right.

Quinn tuplets?

I would hope.

What about OctoMom?

How would she fare in China?

Makes you think.

I don't think she would do farewell.

Maybe neither.

Yeah.

I don't think really any of us would.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Just something to think about.

Yeah.

So are you ready for our fifth and final story, which is actually going to lead into a mini TV recap because we discussed in the previous episode, but we didn't even need to discuss it until now, that Claudia and I are caught up on banner pump pump rules.

We did that over the weekend and we forgot to recap yesterday.

We were planning on it, but we just, you know, time got away from us.

Meanwhile, Tom Sandoval is denying Ariana Maddox's request to sell their home that they share, claiming she did not act

reasonably and in good faith.

Oh, he was saying she's a bad faith actor?

He said so.

He said she got her BFA?

Yep.

Tom Sandoval rejected Ariana Maddox's request to sell their shared home after she sued him for refusing to give up their sprawling $2 million LA property.

Court documents obtained by page six revealed that Sandoval responded to Maddox's filing on Friday, claiming she failed to disclose sufficient facts to state a cause of action against him when she submitted the lawsuit last month.

Per the LA court filing, the Vanderpump Rural Star further claimed his ex-girlfriend and co-star also failed to mitigate whatever damages she suffered in her documents, adding she didn't perform reasonably and in good faith.

In the event the court sides with Ariana to partition the property, Sandoval requested to receive accounting and compensatory adjustments for any repairs and improvements he's made to increase the value of the home, the documents said.

But in the most recent episodes, I was shocked to hear that Tom Sandoval has offered to buy Ariana out of the house and sent her like a letter of intent, and she got no response.

Like, it sounds like Ariana is more so focused on selling the house than she is like just getting out of it.

Yes, because she wants Tom to have to get out of it too.

She doesn't think it's fair if his life is unchanged.

She gets the whole house after he buys it from her.

And that's just too easy for him.

I just want to say, like, I understand that, but at this point in time, like, after all that's happened to Ariana, like, I feel like she should make peace with the fact that she probably made like $3 million post-Scandival in terms of like dancing with the stars, all those brand deals, commercials.

She was everywhere, everywhere all at once.

I would make peace with that, like knowing like Tom Sandoval doesn't have a pot to piss in.

If he does keep the house, like I swear to God, he will probably have to foreclose on it.

Like he has no money.

Like I would make peace with the fact that like, yeah, okay, he

might not be inconvenienced and that's annoying, but like with all that's happened to me, like I would be able to make peace with it.

But also

spending so much time to like stick it to him, to inconvenience him, is really just inconveniencing you.

The way that they live is

insane and

not the way to like start fresh and leave this behind you.

And like, that's what she deserves too.

Like, yes, if she is able to leave this behind her, that in turn means that like Tom gets to do it too.

But why are you holding yourself back just to punish him?

And by the way, it's entirely possible that how they're living now is different than how they're living in the show because the show was probably like eight months ago i don't think so if if they haven't sold the house and she refuses to give it to him and he's not moving either because this is his like plot of land in this world he has nowhere else to go yeah i think they're still living like this i mean that's insane and and one of the big storylines coming up is this trip to big bear or no like tahoe that's where at least opening a new restaurant which i thought was really interesting um at least is weirdly like turned into one of my favorite characters on the show because i used to not be able to stand her um

and ariana and katie are both refusing to go because tom sandoval is going.

And you actually had pointed out how like Tom Sand, Ariana was like, I'm not going on a trip and being in a house with Tom.

And it's like, you live in a house with Tom, just the two of you, although there's other people.

Right.

And so it's really, I feel, not so much about like being near Tom, because that's clearly not, that's something she can withstand because you're right, she, she lives with him.

It's more so about, I feel like they're trying to get him off the show.

And if everybody refuses to film with him, then you really can't be a part of that show.

Like you see, even in the first couple of episodes, like it's him and Kyle Chen and him and that waiter, Jesse, who was on one episode.

And it's just not enough.

Billy Lee.

Right.

So if it's just, you know, Billy, Jesse, and Kyle, Tom's not going to be able to really stay on the show for so long.

But him going on the trip and everyone agreeing to be on the, in the house with him, besides Katie and Ariana, like does give Tom longevity on the show.

And I think that's more so what it's about, not proximity to Tom.

Because if it was about that, she would sell the house.

Or, I mean, sell it to Tom.

Right.

Yeah.

Just, it's,

it's also interesting how the conversation is changing, especially because Lisa sort of really moved the needle and she's seeing it from a different perspective and starting to feel sorry for Tom.

And I'm just like kind of realizing that myself, I'm kind of like very like believe, I like, I just believe people.

I'm kind of like willy-nilly, like when

they're now Sheena and Lala are like questioning their treatment of Tom and like maybe he deserves just like to be treated.

I have to tell you something.

You're going to freak out.

Why?

Oh my gosh, what's that?

I think it's Bruno's butthole on your...

Was he booty here?

I don't know.

What else would it be?

Do you have chocolate this morning?

I haven't eaten yet.

I think you have

my banana.

Dog pill.

Bruno, my angel.

It'll come out.

Oh, I'm not worried about it.

It's just like gross.

Are you comfortable sitting with duty on your sweater?

Like that?

Yeah.

For the show after what we've been through.

And I actually like literally need to leave in five minutes.

Yeah.

We've been through worse.

I have not a moment to spare.

Okay.

What were you going to say?

You believe people.

Are you believing Tom?

Tom Sandoval?

What to believe?

What's to believe?

Like that he's really sorry and that he was suicidal.

No, well, he's definitely like will say anything to just claw himself out of this hole.

But like, I think the show is struggling because they're grappling with two extremes, like whether to like totally be like against Tom, you know, merchandising and profiting off of Scandinav or being friends with him again, where it's like, I just think it could just be neither of those things and just like goodbye, but I don't need to like talk about you on my podcast all the time.

But it feels like the people who are kind of questioning their treatment of him like now need to consider being friends with him again.

It's weird.

It is weird, but like in this episode, it was the first time where I looked at Schwartz and I've been, I mean, everybody is just like hated Schwartz, but I was like, I asked myself the question, like, has Schwartz been the most scrupled one this whole time by not like, even though his best friend did downright dog, by like not abandoning him.

Right.

When everyone else did.

I don't know.

It just made me like think differently about the situation, which I think it was intended to do.

And that's what Lisa wants because she's like worried about Tom Sandoval.

And I'm not so worried about Tom Sandoval.

Me neither.

At that point, I would be worried about Raquel.

Yeah.

But even though like what Tom Sandoval has been through, like if he were like a

normal person, like is more than one person can bear.

But thankfully, he's so delusional and narcissistic that like, I agree.

And if anybody went through what Tom Sandoval went to and they weren't, went through and they weren't Tom Sandoval, suicidal thoughts like are so natural.

Like it's more than one person can handle, correct?

But because he lives in this beyondly like delusional weird universe where he's this like main character, he might be immune to it, like for real.

Which is a great form of protection for him, but it's still not how you should go around treating people.

And

if someone did what he did, like, of course, there's that like immediate reflex to be like so angry and Rachel, but eventually you have to just like let it go and let them go.

They can't really let him go because he's on the show with them, so they toggle between these two extremes.

But I'm just kind of over this end of the extreme

punishment for Tom Sandoval.

Like, I want to move on because also when you think about like things that people can do, like terrible things that people do, like he cheated on his girlfriend's girlfriend and and

it's it's not good there's just one thing about the show that's really it's like not capital crime right one thing about the show that's really pissing me off and just feels like no one is saying is like ariana hates tom she will not be near him she thinks he's so disgusting like he hates his personality

everything

and we know like you and i know we've been knowing and like where's the accountability for the fact like this is the worst person on the planet and up until a year ago you were in love with him and like would have done anything for him and you were riding for him you were defending him to everyone like where's the accountability it's like that was your man like yeah we are talking about him because you were dating him like where's the accountability like he's horrible and you loved him like hello yeah and he was always this way it's not like his personality has really changed since right aside from like the only he's gotten a little bit more extreme but he's always been this person he's always been this like narcissistic person all about me personally just like going off and it's like we've been knowing girl like you know yeah like thanks girl we knew yeah it's like a little frustrating it is frustrating you just want to like shake her and it's like all right like honestly like we're tired of hearing it.

Yeah.

No, and like you dated him.

Like, you brought this mess to us.

Like, we're, we're living doing this because of you.

You like, like, sustained and condoned his behavior when like it's been bad for a while.

You know, he was made into a monster, like, with you.

Like the things that you're cringing that he's doing now, like, he's been doing them.

Right.

Right.

And you were cheering.

The band.

Like, you were the night you found out he was cheating on you, like you were literally dancing front row, like, loving his show.

And it's like, yikes.

So that's just the only thing that's like bothering me.

It's like the change of heart.

I love it because I agree with everything she's saying, but it's like now she's like going so hard against him as she should because of him cheating on her.

But like on the things on his like personality scorecard, it's like those were also the things that like you were supporting.

So yeah, we all, we knew.

I don't want to say we all because other people

he was their favorite.

So thus concludes like the most insane journey of this podcast episode.

We made it to the end.

We are grateful.

We are humbled.

And we will see you tomorrow.

Don't forget to shop merch at shop toastmerch.com.

We love ya.

We have an episode tomorrow, but if you want us to help you get through the short break, head over to patreon.com/slash the toastairs episodes for days.

Love ya.

Bye.