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Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the choice and happy OMAD Wednesday.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay, Wednesday.

I see you.

You're looking gorgeous today, Wednesday.

Wednesday, you're looking fine.

You really are.

I can't believe it's Wednesday.

I love that for us.

Yeah, exciting to really just be thrust into the latter half of the week.

100%.

I love a good thrusting.

It is not one, but two degrees here in New York.

It is so cold, you guys.

If you're wondering why it looks like a freak, I have a heating pad on my legs.

Like, I literally can't get warm today.

It's so crazy here.

Like...

It's like the whole street is white and it's not snow.

Do you know that feeling like when it's so cold?

I don't know what the hell that is.

Yeah, I see.

Well, this would be a good time to tell you.

Guess the temperature here today?

65 and sunny?

65 and sunny.

That's what you wear in 65 and sunny?

Well actually it was 63 and not exactly sunny, but not cloud, like not a lot of sun.

Yeah.

And you know, I dress for the show.

And your studio is freezing.

Not necessarily the climate, though I was out this morning and this was the perfect thing for the weather because it was like 63 and a little balmy.

It was really beautiful, perfect.

Not the balmy.

Balm.

And you know, I love a balm.

I love the met balm.

I'm going to go to the met balm.

So today's Wednesday, which means a lot of things.

One, it's hump day.

And I just feel like I would be,

people are always telling me, Claudia, like use your platform for good.

And that's what I'm about to do.

Do not forget to hump someone you love today.

Who are you going to hump?

Since your man's is out shopping in Los Angeles.

I mean, you're right.

right.

Like, I'm kind of a loner.

You've got to find a hump.

Oh, well, I have an appointment today with Dr.

Geezy for some Botox.

So she's probably the only person like I'll come in contact with today.

She'll like it.

So gird your loins, Dr.

Geezy.

I'm coming for you.

I need Botox.

It's time.

I mean, yeah, well, I'm breastfeeding right now, so I can't get Botox, but the minute I'm done, I was actually thinking this morning of all the things I need to do and how I just kind of like want to do a day trip to New York when my time comes, like like just to do my services.

Like haircut, Botox, eyebrows.

Yeah, but that kind of goes against my way of traveling, which is like, let's make it a big event.

Jackie like will not go somewhere unless she could bring her entire family, which is like so sweet and cute.

But like you can just take a day trip.

I know I could, but Toe, you want to see the boys?

Let's make it a week.

No, of course, of course, of course.

But like, just come by yourself.

You know, you could stay with me.

True.

If you bring all the boys, like, I don't think everyone could stay with me.

No.

And I still have some time on breastfeeding.

Like, I'm starting the weaning process, which takes like weeks.

So it's not happening for a while, but I was just thinking about it today.

We're just like in such similar stages, like weaning off of Ozempic, weaning off of breastfeeding.

Like, it's kind of amazing how similar our trajectories are.

Right.

We're both so clean.

Right.

Yeah.

Except we're getting Botox.

It's fine.

It doesn't count.

It's literally medicinal.

Yeah, it is.

It's good for migraines.

And Jackie and I were both also like up in the middle of the night.

For different, like, yeah, we're on like different paths, but they are converging in the middle of the night at 3 a.m.

Different destinations, same journey.

I guess you could say that.

I like went to bed so early.

I watched a little bit of The Crown, went to bed at 10.

I woke up at 3 to p.m.

Like, I was up.

And at 6, I was like, okay, you know what?

I'm going to go to the gym.

but I really didn't want to go.

So I was like, let me just see one last time if I could fall back asleep.

And I did so

got a little bit more sleep i've decided

recently like i decided in the last few days so charlie like wakes up like five six like in a lot and i've decided i'm just gonna like start my day earlier and stop like trying to get it because the other night when we weren't working like he was up at six and then didn't go back to sleep until eight and like if we were working i should have started my day at six but it was the weekend so it was fine but i'm like you know what i think i should just like start starting my day at that early wake up i'll get so much more done that trying to get him back to to sleep for two hours is so like frustrating and I think I should just get on with it so that's what I've started to do and it feels good-ish that it is nice to have time in the morning Ben used to do that like Theo used to wake him up for dinner I mean breakfast

and Ben would fall back asleep and just feel like shit when he woke up yeah you don't

feel any better yeah no you feel worse when you take that like last chunk of sleep like it's you're still not rested so you might as well be productive and get on with it so that's a good resolution for me in the new year is like to start my day earlier and stop trying to like get that sleep in it's just not love that

yeah so yeah i was up to with the charls and curls and sleeping through the night is not happening in my household we kind of have to address something from yesterday's episode do we

I just think it's probably best for our safety if, you know, you or I don't take a trip to Detroit in the coming weeks and months.

I had no plans.

They're not happy with us.

I shouldn't take a day trip to Detroit.

No.

Maybe you can get your eyebrows down in Detroit.

They're not happy with us.

They're a prideful city.

We just kind of took like a massive dump on them.

Which we do.

And I just want to say one thing to Detroit.

Like, it's not your time.

Sit down.

It's not your time like for the Super Bowl.

It's not your time for toast affection.

But like everything, things change, things evolve, and anything can happen.

So just stay hopeful, Detroit, but stay real with yourselves.

Yeah.

Stay hopeful, stay real.

Although I do want to say, like, it really wouldn't behoove us to be out here like slamming Detroit.

We're huge in Detroit.

Oh, right.

I didn't know that.

No, and it's nothing against.

It's nothing against the people of Detroit.

I could see us in years from now, like singing Detroit's praises, like everything's coming up Detroit.

But right now,

not everything's coming up Detroit.

Everything's coming up San Francisco 49ers.

Not San Francisco, the city.

You're saying Detroit isn't the name on everybody's lips?

No, and it's the name on more lips than usual, but not everybody's lips.

And I feel like we could agree on that, Detroit.

By the way, I had an idea for a Patreon episode.

Let me know what you think.

And let me know like what people in the comments think.

Actually, maybe don't.

If we did a fast five, but only sports, because I feel like we're like...

Every, every time we sit on this show, like it's almost like our natural inclination is to talk about sports.

It's so crazy.

Yeah, I'm so down.

Maybe if we get it out of our systems in like an hour-long Patreon, we could go back to talking about normal stuff here at the toast.

Unlikely.

I say we give it a shot.

Okay.

There's also just like a lot going on, obviously, in the NFL, of course, but just in the sports world in general.

We should have our husbands on standby, like on the phone, if we have any questions that come up and we need answers.

But like, it's so much better to come up with our own answers.

Yeah, but sometimes you do, like, it's not even about answers.

It's just like opinions.

You know, they contribute talking head style.

So how are the stories today?

Good.

I feel good about them.

I feel strong.

Yeah, I do.

Oh, she feels strong.

They came together.

I would say today's like

story

selection process

was

an average, ideal, perfect day.

Not amazing.

The stories write themselves, not.

desperate, but just like five stories that by I wasn't scratching the bottom of the barrel.

I was at four and I didn't even realize I was looking for just one more.

We got up to six and I took one out.

Ooh, when you have six options, like your cup runneth over, that's the best feeling.

Yeah, it wasn't hard to take one out.

Yeah, I should make the cut.

Yeah, it was an ideal story selection day.

I have, I have no complaints.

That's so great.

I can't even think of what,

like, could be a story.

What happened yesterday?

Let me try and guess.

No, because then we're going to talk about it.

So it's better that you don't know.

You won't be super surprised by anything.

Maybe one.

Oh, she went rogue.

She went somewhere else.

I don't don't know.

Like, maybe one that you hadn't heard yet that you do need to know.

Something about a farm and, you know,

sourdough starter.

I wish Ballerina Farm is still at Mrs.

Universe.

She's doing great, even though I don't think she's competing.

No, she's like a judge, no?

Yeah, because she's the current Mrs.

America.

What?

She's the crown holder.

So she's there to bequeath it.

Oh, my God.

You did not tell me that yesterday.

I kept trying to tell you, she's Mrs.

America.

Oh, my God.

I thought you were being like your annoying self when you're like, she's literally Mrs.

America.

I was trying to say if you would listen to me.

Oh no, I.

I was trying to say you couldn't choose a more perfect Mrs.

America.

Wait, and I thought that was you being like when you LARP.

No, no, no.

I was being extremely literal.

And I don't know if she's at Mrs.

World competing for Mrs.

World as Mrs.

America or if she's there hosting because she's like such a leader in her field.

I don't know.

And last year when she won Mrs.

America, like how many followers did she have?

Is she new?

Like, how long has she been around?

I feel like she's been around a while.

Did you see last night I started sending you some other homesteading trad wives?

You, Jackie, started sending me content like from somebody else.

I didn't want to bombard you.

Freaks.

I didn't want to bombard you, but I needed you to see what's going on.

Like, these women

play, dress up, except they're not.

Like, this is their cosplaying in their lives as, you know, little house on the prairie.

But these are women with like homes with electricity who choose to use use a fire and a like a pot outside.

A cauldron.

A cauldron, thank you.

To like make some baked beans.

Like to me, that's just beyond unnecessary.

And they're filming it all on their iPhone with a Tro Max.

No, some of the shit you were sending me, like, I wouldn't, like, I don't even want to breathe the same,

breathe Ballerina Farm's name in the same sentence as these people.

Yeah.

Because the people you sent me, like, dead serious, Jackie, like, were absolute freaks.

And also, I think, you know, not to be like, I'm not saying,

but it's more impressive.

Like some of those women, like, don't have kids.

So it's like, of course, you have the time to endlessly cook and procure your herbs.

And like, I don't, you know,

there's time.

Wow.

But for me,

she went there.

Ballerina Farm is extra impressive because she has now eight children and she's doing these things.

And not to say, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

By the way, by the way, like.

It's crazy how like that's considered a crazy thing, but like, I think it's just logical.

Like if you have eight kids, you obviously have less time in the day than someone with zero kids.

Like, come on.

Right, is what I'm saying.

And that's factual and that's fair.

Actually, we have a deer toasters today.

Actually, we have two deer toasters, one that sounds like it was written by you and one that sounds like it was written by me.

I'm so excited.

That sounds like a great deer toasters.

Yeah, no, they're great.

Wednesday is our day for deer toasters.

So please, by the way, we're running a little low in submissions.

Like some of these stink.

Sorry.

So deer toasters at gmail.com if you want to write to us.

Also, you head over to the toastpodcast.com.

There's a submission box.

You could just submit it right there.

Great.

Thank you.

Oh my God.

Wait.

I need to add a deer toasters.

Why?

Jackie, do you remember what I sent you when I was in Mexico?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I do.

Do you remember Bitmoje?

Oh, yeah.

So take out the one that doesn't sound like it was

by you or me.

Oh my God.

I forgot that somebody DM'd me the funniest deer toaster submission.

They were being dead serious.

Oh, here it is.

Okay.

I'm including that.

I totally forgot about that.

I screenshotted it because I wanted to have it on the show.

Great.

Okay, so let's dive in because we've got a lot to do today.

We do.

So without further ado, do to do about what we have to do to do,

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Y-W.

Our first story, some royal news.

Big news this morning breaking.

I saw.

Kate Middleton has been hospitalized after abdominal surgery.

She's canceled all engagements until Easter.

Oh my god, I thought you said she's canceled.

She's canceled until Easter.

Cool.

Kensington Palace announced today out of nowhere that Kate Middleton earlier this month underwent a planned abdominal surgery at the London clinic on the previous day.

They said the surgery was successful and it is expected that she will remain in hospital for 10 to 14 days before returning home to continue her recovery.

Dude, that's like a lot of time in a hospital.

To recover.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess.

i i don't know what the standard is for a surgery and and i don't we don't know the extent of what the surgery is what is it like no i'm saying it sounds like it was like a pretty major surgery yeah or they're just like taking an abundance of caution having her recover there and then she'll be oh oh o until easter and then she'll resume her royal engagements that's like probably low-key nice because i feel like as a royal like you don't get pto like you you're like and of course they've like scheduled christmas and you know vacation no but even christmas that was her last public appearance.

She's working Christmas.

Right.

No, I feel like they don't get time off like in a major sense like this.

So it must be crazy.

I also feel like the Royals, since they have the best healthcare on the planet, like the only time in recent memory I can remember like hearing about a royal's health concerns was Philip.

And he was literally 700 years old.

Like, of course, he was going to have health issues.

I feel like this is so, this feels like such a foreign headline to me.

Yeah, I just hope everything's okay.

They didn't say exactly what happened, but that the surgery went well and all is expected to be good.

But I just,

worry, you know?

Wait, like what kind of surgery is in your stomach?

Like appendix?

Appendix, but they said abdominal.

Right, and appendix, I feel at this point is very routine.

Like, I think you can be back at work in a week.

Yeah.

I don't know.

See, it's a little concerning.

Mysterious.

So they seem unconcerned and they're just like, all's well.

Surgery went well.

She's recovering.

See you at Easter.

Easter's kind of far away.

No, I know.

So it's not nothing.

It's not nothing.

That's all I'm saying.

Also,

I watched two episodes of The Crown last night, and they might have been like two of the worst episodes, like for real.

Was it?

Is there a lull?

Yes.

And they stick an episode in right as things are getting good.

Which one?

Okay, so I believe...

Is it okay?

So the first one that was like kind of dreadful was William just being like a miserable brat.

Will's Mania.

Yeah.

Will's Mania after his mom died.

Like understandable.

I'm not mad at him, but like to watch it was painful.

He said some like really horrible things to his dad and then Philip ended up bringing them back together.

Yeah, I think he had to go through that hard time and we had to see it for him to become the man that he is today.

It's not like he was just not perfect all his life.

Like he was a dreadful teenager.

Yes.

And then the second episode was the queen was like thinking about reform, thinking about like cutting, you know, budgets and making herself look like more common like the people.

And then at the last minute, she was like, nah, fuck this.

I didn't mind that episode.

That didn't come to mind as one of the dreadful ones.

What else happened in that episode?

Nothing.

I liked hearing about like all these things.

It's a lot about Tony.

Yes, that was, by the way, I agree.

The part where they like showcase the most random fringe people that they employ, just really highlighting like how frivolous their expenses are.

Like the warden of the swans.

Yes, I liked that part too.

But another big part of the episode was Tony Blair, like as the new prime minister, really popular.

Yeah.

I did Serbia.

I mean, neither did the queen, but I didn't find those jobs to be like so frivolous.

And they are so rooted in history.

It's the same as being, you know,

having a job at a museum almost.

Yeah.

I did think that Tony Blair like had some good ideas for reformation.

Like you really should, you know, put out every year how much money of taxpayer dollars you spent, but then how much money you brought in.

Right.

And I think they do, I think they actually do do that now.

Yeah.

And they bring in so much money.

They bring in more money than they take.

So they're in the green.

Right.

Right.

And I do think in the last 20, 25 years, they did downsize the family.

That was Charles' initiative.

and they don't show that on the show but like everything used to be the whole family aunts uncles cousins now it's the nuclear family that was like a Charles decision and they didn't show that no but it's the right call yeah

not everyone needs to be like if everyone's so special then nobody's special you know yeah no it makes sense and especially as like you know we go into the future, but it's cool to see those like big portraits, Vanderpump rule style.

Vander Pump Rule where they have like every person

ever came into the talking about the theme song.

Yeah, no, but Vanderpump Rules did the Charles effect too and they cut down to just the OGs.

Did you also think it was strange that they changed the actors for William and Harry?

Yeah.

Like it was no time had passed.

It was like a week.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

So then I had to Google.

I'm like, wait, wait.

Like I was so confused.

Yeah.

It was a kind of a weird.

Because those boys, the new actors do not look 12 and 15.

No, but they needed to make the jump.

Yes.

But it didn't feel smooth to me, especially Harry.

Especially Harry.

First of all, that boy in no world is he 12.

And also, they're like getting drunk.

I don't think Harry was getting drunk at all.

I think he was.

And also, the drinking age there is 18.

So you have to

adjust.

Adjust.

Yeah.

Not your own person.

I don't think they would have

showed them drinking if they didn't drink at those ages.

But the Harry jump was a jump scare.

It was a jump scare.

Especially because when Diana passed, he was like, you know,

really so young.

And in those episodes right before she dies, like he's so attached to her.

And then he's someone else.

He doesn't give a fuck.

Yeah.

No, that actor came in guns blazing.

Oh, and it's worth mentioning he looks nothing like Prince Harry did at the time.

Yeah.

Prince Harry was like very always cherubic.

Yeah, but as the episodes go on, I don't know what they did.

They also like spike his hair in later

later episodes.

The hair is awful.

It's more hairy.

So I think they like, it was,

it was a lot.

But Willie, the, the new William looks a lot like William did at the time.

The hair is perfect.

Yeah.

Yeah, he's a good new William.

I also agree with your analysis yesterday that the show, and I don't know if it was a goal, the show is extremely complimentary to Prince Charles.

I'm seeing him in a whole new light.

It's extremely complimentary towards Camilla, too.

Like every time they're on the phone, which is all the time, she's giving him the best advice.

Yeah, like putting the kids first, putting the country first.

She understands her role.

She's the voice of reason in the show.

In addition to the queen, but like she doesn't step out of line ever.

She never gives a bad bit of advice.

But it also makes me, I was thinking about this yesterday, too, because at this point they're still not married.

And I am sure that at one point they wanted to have children together.

And the fact that they like were forced to wait so long to get married really, you know, took that option away from them.

Yeah.

But that's like not something, it's not just like

a regular person deciding to have children.

Like that would just

pose so many questions.

I don't even think that's a good idea.

And I know that, and I'm not a stepmother, but I believe that being a stepmother is very fulfilling.

But I don't feel like she like, because the kids, by the time she actually got got married, like the kids were so much older and it was so contentious.

Like, I don't, I don't think of her as a maternal figure to these boys like at all.

No, I don't think she tries to be or claims to be or attempts in any way because it's futile and she's like their mother's nemesis.

Yeah.

And I think today

it's all like they have a nice working family relationship, but it's not like motherly.

No.

I wonder if it's grandmotherly.

Like the kids and Camilla?

Yeah.

oh my god I kind of love that like if that was like her way of like connecting like through the kids I'm sure I mean kids bring everyone together they really do yeah I wonder what it's like now

yeah

also

um

I'm just a random takeaway from the crown and this was throughout all different eras is like how they really like none of them live together like they don't even live close yeah like they're all far from castles yeah the fact that Charles is like in this big old house but then also, weirdly, there's like one complex where a million cast members live.

Like Diana lived.

Diana.

Margaret lived.

What's that place called?

The Red Building.

And by the way, William and Kate currently live there.

No, they just moved to Windsor, but they lived there before.

They lived in Windsor.

Was it Kensington?

Yes, yes, yes.

Yeah.

Like, it's like an apartment style.

Yeah, but no, Diana's house looked real nice.

I kind of liked that.

Yeah, but she's like neighbors with Margaret and other

families.

I just want to say, Queen Margaret, like from, she was like more of a main character in early seasons, and now she just pops in every now and then.

And everything she says is just brilliant and on the money.

And I just love her.

Princess Margaret, yeah.

What did I say?

Queen.

Freddy and Slip.

No, because she's a queen in my eyes.

Yeah, she is, but she could never be queen.

No, no, no, no, no.

No.

Would you rather be like a William or a Harry, a Margaret or an Elizabeth?

The one who bears the burden or the one who literally has like a life that's meaningless?

It's not, it literally does not have to be meaningless.

And I think it depends but they always end up seeing it that way there's no right answer

a blanket right answer you have to look in inward and be like what kind of person are you you know i'm a sovereign i'm a sovereign oh you think you're not a margaret

no i couldn't really like live in like someone else's shadow like for real oh that's true but like do you have the constant no addiction no and by the way the one if you're like the spare who ends up getting like a lot of attention like that's bad

like when Margaret was all that drama then of course Harry like they never want that you're just supposed to behave but the sovereign is not meant to be a star when you have a star sovereign you have problems

no it's true I think I'm the sovereign

of course he would I think I'm the sovereign but it's not necessarily a good thing like Queen Elizabeth isn't

boisterous fun yeah the boisterous queen Elizabeth no one ever said said no one ever I don't know why you can't be boisterous in your personal life.

Do you think she was?

You haven't gotten to this conversation yet.

And I'm not going to try to explain it because it's going to sound stupid.

But

at a certain point, okay, fine.

She's talking to her younger self at one point in the show.

And stupid.

And Queen Elizabeth is like, you know, I want to see Elizabeth Windsor again and like be that girl again.

And, you know, I had to set her aside to be the queen.

And her younger self is like, there's no two girls anymore.

Like, you're just the one Queen Elizabeth.

So you can't be one way in your personal life and another way publicly.

Like it has to be all encompassing.

Could you do it?

I would usher the monarchy into a new era where like we're all personality hires and we're all funny and we all have podcasts and we're all influencers and we all have phones and we're fun and we're not serious.

And maybe like everyone in London wouldn't hate us.

No, but that works for a time.

What goes up must come down.

It's about the consistency of it.

I don't care.

And what if you're so fun with your podcast and get canceled?

The monarchy can't be canceled.

Now the royals are interesting.

They're already interesting.

And I'd be bringing in so much revenue for the country.

I think as the number two, you'd be amazing.

That's just like a really rude thing to say.

No, you would be like, because you also, you have that.

I wouldn't mind being like a Kate.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Married in.

Married in.

Does that mean

more responsibility, though?

And no, aside from this, no days off.

Yeah, but I was able to have like a somewhat normal upbringing at, like, I'm still a normal person in my brain.

Like, if you're a royal from day one, like, you're not normal.

Like.

No, it's impossible to be.

Right.

So I wouldn't mind being a Kate.

I also would not mind being a Megan.

Right.

I think that's good.

An outsider coming in, you know?

Yeah.

A common.

Right, but don't you feel like if you know what the outside world is like and now you have to come into this warped world, it's maybe harder than if you don't really know any different.

Okay, okay.

Okay.

We're just conversing.

No, you're just like that was a question, not a statement.

Every, every corner, just like punching me right in the gut.

Like, okay, you're right.

Like, okay, I'll just shut the fuck up.

No, I'm just trying to have a conversation.

And what do you think about that?

You could say to me, no, I think it's better this way.

Okay.

It's called dialogue, turdy.

It's our job.

Okay, how about this?

I won't become a royal.

No, but now I think

now I think you're denying the world.

I mean, that I agree.

The thing is, like, when you're a royal in your own mind, like the queen of your own heart.

It doesn't really matter.

It doesn't matter.

Titles, schmeitels.

Exactly.

By the way, you do know, and I think we discussed this, that one of the cousins is married to a rugby player.

who has a podcast.

Yes, we have spoken about this because she was at, I forget what the last big affair was, perhaps a coronation, and she kind of stole the show.

Yeah, so I just always think like there's podcasters within the family.

It could happen for you, Turdy.

It could.

Anyways, we'll continue our crown recap when you finish it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A few days, a few days.

Are you ready for our next story?

Other big news from yesterday.

The Coachella 2024 lineup has been announced.

The headliners are Lana Del Rey, Tyler the Creator, and Doja Cat, and dot, dot, dot, no Doubt.

Questionable.

Yeah, they're like the after-party headliner, right?

They didn't say.

It's just at the bottom.

They're like at the bottom.

Yeah, I don't think they know in what capacity No Doubt will be performing.

They just let you know that they'll be there.

I feel really happy and excited for the girlies who love Lana Del Rey because I feel like if you love Lana Del Rey, you get like almost no opportunities to live out that fandom.

I feel like she never tours.

I don't know.

She's like so mysterious to me.

Yeah, I agree.

I think she's a really good get.

She's got a great cult following and it does overlap a lot with the Coachella person.

Vibe.

Yeah, by the way, like the

Venn diagram of Lana Dell Ray fans and Coachella ticket holders is just a circle.

Right.

So I think this is smart.

Tyler, the creator, also has a lot of fans.

He's actually my number one most listened-to artist right now.

Do you think he's going to sing Harry's favorite song?

You're a Mean One, Mr.

Grinch.

You're a Mean One.

You really are a hoe.

Yours charms.

Your charm.

Yeah.

We listen to that all day, every day.

And I just have to say it could be better.

I agree.

So I was introduced to like the new Grinch for Kids soundtrack while we were all on our family trip because all the kids love Princh.

And I was like, oh, this music sucks.

And your husband was telling me, like, no, it's amazing.

It was done by Pharrell.

And I just think like

not everything Pharrell Pharrell does is going to be amazing, you know?

Yeah.

Like they remixed the classic, you're a mean one, Mr.

Grinch.

Mr.

Grinch.

Oh, I just got a notification that King Charles is going to be undergoing a corrective procedure.

No sham?

I don't know.

We'll get to that.

Anyway, so what we're saying, they remixed that song, which is such a bop.

And the remix, like, it really could be so much better.

It's not great, and it's ripe for greatness.

Oh my God.

Wait, I I was checking my people notifications too.

Listen, this is a crazy people notification.

Did you get this?

Ray Drummond has a breaking news.

Re Drummond has breaking news?

A breaking pie recipe?

That's what the people notifications.

No, this is even crazier.

Jennifer Aniston channeled Rachel Green with a wardrobe stable.

And you missed that notification?

I know.

Like, how could you go on?

I don't know.

How can the show go on?

Should I add it to the fast five?

Like, it's kind of...

like what's the point in even doing the show if I missed such a break a groundbreaking story like for real I'm devastated

I have been meaning to turn off my people magazine notifications for every one decent can you get the Charles one even

no so here's what's even more interesting about people magazine oh they're gonna send you for a day about like Amazon vacuums we found on sale but oh let's say literally Queen Elizabeth died they're two hours late like with actual breaking news it's the biggest waste I need to get rid of it I just can't bring myself to be able to do it.

Maybe you have like a preference turned on where like you want soft news, not hard news.

It definitely feels that

I have some sort of preference on.

But it's not your preference, you're saying.

It's not my preference.

And this isn't my plate.

No, it never was.

And it never will be.

Okay, let's get back to the Coachella headliners.

Oh, yeah.

And then there was a creator.

Doja Cat.

Doja Cat, which is awesome.

No, that's really awesome.

So here's the thing.

Each individual performer is actually a really good choice, but I think overall, like this stinks yeah there's not like a a lady gaga or a beyonce and a lot of people were like speculating that taylor was gonna have lancocella like every now and then they did yeah actually not even every now and then for the last couple of years it has been like the weekend justin bieber billie eilish the last day has been like a mega mega mega and doja cat's amazing like beyond

but she's not on that level No, she's on her way.

I think actually her set will be amazing because everybody knows all of her songs.

They're all singing.

You don't even realize how many.

performer.

You don't even realize how many you know, like just from the culture.

It's crazy.

So the headliners are good, but then like when you get into the smaller text.

Yeah, like who was on the second and third lines?

I know Renee Rapp is on there, which is actually very exciting.

She's on the third line.

So I'm going to just read the people that we know from the other lines.

And so line two of day one, Lil Uzi Vert.

Line three, Sabrina Carpenter, Steve Angelo.

Yeah.

Line four, Suki Waterhouse.

And then the rest of the people, we personally don't know.

Then the next day, line two, Ice Spice.

Oh, that's pretty big.

Line two, Beechers, Grimes, John Batiste.

Ooh, John Batiste.

Okay.

Grimes, I wonder if Elon will be there, even though they're in a custody battle.

I can't keep up with those two, like for all.

I know, because she was in his book.

Like she's with him all the time.

They're so simpatico.

I didn't even talk about his book.

I talked about it more on the Redheads because there's so much pop pop culture stuff because he like dates everyone.

The Amber Heard days were dark.

In what sense?

Like their relationship was so toxic and he kind of gravitates towards toxic relationships, but apparently she did a number on him.

Like when they broke up, like he was not okay for, I don't know what, I don't know if it was like heartbreak or just trauma.

Trauma, but it was not flattering towards Miss Amber Heard.

And then Grimes kind of comes in and is his twin flame and they're so sympathetico.

They have three kids together and she in every step like when he's you know stealing not stealing but like literally he had to like take his like date Twitter data servers and they like pull them up from where they were stored and like move them somewhere else like she's in the car with him sitting on in the back seat with X on her lap like she does everything with him and now they're in a kind of cute battle.

It is cute but present day doesn't isn't congruous with what I read in the book.

That's sad.

Yeah.

Anyway, she's performing at Coacheller And then day, I mean, line three, day two, nothing more that I see that I know.

Yeah, it's not like the craziest, most amazing thing.

They're really missing that like one big star.

I guess so.

I guess so.

But BB Rexa will be there.

I love her.

Yeah.

She doesn't have a bad song.

But I also feel like for Coachella, like you need really solid music, but it's also a lot about the experience, too.

And I feel like people who already bought tickets, like they don't really care too much.

Like I,

even if Taylor was headlining Coachella, like, I don't know if I would go.

Coachella is just not something you either want to go or you don't.

You know what I mean?

Taking Back Sunday will be there on Sunday.

That's capped.

They're like, you know, emo banned.

Oh, okay.

Ben, Ben would like them.

But yeah, I agree.

It's like

Jay Balvin.

was the other one.

Oh, I feel like he would be on line one.

Yeah.

He's that, by the way, that would like fill, like check up the box at like the weekend, Billie Eilish.

Like he's on that level.

Yeah, well, he's like right before Doja Cat on the third day.

So that will be like a big evening.

He's like, in my opinion, like much bigger than Tyler the Creator.

Yeah, in my opinion.

And also, of the three headliners we have, I feel as though Lana Del Rey should go last.

But maybe this works best for her schedule.

But like if you're going to be a headliner, like the last night is like the big one.

That's like what you want.

It's true, but it's also Sunday.

It's typically Easter Sunday.

Maybe she's like a religious girly and doesn't want to perform on Easter Sunday.

When is Easter?

We're talking a lot about Easter today.

I know.

Everyone are getting hyped for Easter.

He is rising.

Easter, March 31st.

What?

In March.

Is that crazy?

Kind of.

Easter's so April.

When it's Passover.

So April.

And then Passover begins on April 22nd, almost a full month later.

Oh.

They're usually sisters.

Mercury's in retrograde.

You guys, things are...

Actually, that means we get a holiday in March.

That's true.

Even though, like, we're not going to take off for Easter.

For Good Friday?

I don't know.

Turdy, it's good.

No, I don't think we've ever taken off for Good Friday.

That's like cultural appropriation.

Sound up in the comments.

Would you be offended?

Yeah, would you be offended if we put ashes on our forehead and took off the day?

Are you offended that you conflated Ash Wednesday with Good Friday?

Oh shit.

I got my days confused.

But isn't Ash Wednesday like one day before Good Friday too?

Yeah, I think they're related.

They're not unrelated.

They're part of the same holiday.

Yeah.

God bless.

So for everyone going to Coachella, I hope you have a blast.

I hope you listen to awesome music and drink awesome shooters and soak up each other's awesomeness.

Agreed.

That would actually be a great segue into our next story, which I'm going to talk about.

Is it about Mean Girls?

It's about Mean Girls.

Okay.

Because Lindsay Lohan has pulled down a fetching payday for her mean girls movie musical cameo variety is reporting that she pulled down five hundred thousand dollars for half a day of work in the latest iteration of the movie musical that stars renee rapp andre rice and others at all i also heard that there was a joke in the movie that she was very unhappy with because it was at her expense yeah

i didn't i saw the headline but i don't know where if she said she was unhappy or it's like sources, you know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I saw that too.

I guess she didn't know about it, even though she's in the movie.

Yeah, but if somebody paid me $500,000, like you could say whatever you want.

Yeah.

Yeah, but do you get a script if you're just like an extra?

I guess you probably do.

You get like your script from your scene.

Oh, I'm sure you could request a script for the whole movie, but really who wants that?

No, totally.

But you're going to give me homework.

No, and it's like she knows the script.

Right.

She doesn't need to approve the script.

I have heard very mixed reviews about mean girls.

I've only heard good things.

I have heard good things about the character who plays Janice Ian.

I heard she kind of steals the show.

Same with Damien.

I've heard that Katie was miscast.

And of course, Renee Rapp stole the show.

If you miscast Katie,

the movie can't be 100%.

Yeah, because it's funny, based on like the press and the marketing, you would think that Renee Rapp is the main character of this movie, but Regina's actually not.

No.

Katie Heron is.

Yeah.

I haven't heard much, but the little I've heard is that it was really like good and enjoyable, nostalgic.

You know, it might not be making any new Mean Girls fans, but for the existing Mean Girls fans, it's really enjoyable.

I'm definitely going to see it.

Me too.

Because I take myself to the theater.

On Wednesdays, you're wearing pink, la.

Oh my God, I am.

That's like so illusory.

Yeah, that's why I didn't do it.

Yeah, sure.

Wanna be caught dead?

Yeah, sure.

Now, are you ready for our next story?

What that bird says.

Four.

Yeah.

I think you're gonna, you're gonna like this story because it's about Joan.

Oh, what did she do now?

Melissa Rivers said that Joan Rivers would have loved Ozempic.

She said it's her two least favorite things.

Loved Ozempic.

Melissa said her two favorite things were diet and exercise.

Her two least favorite things.

Sorry.

Oh my God, that is so funny.

Yeah.

So Melissa Rivers is getting candid about her late mom, Joan, who died unexpectedly nearly a decade ago.

Rest in peace, our queen.

So Melissa, who hosts a celebrity chat show podcast called Melissa Rivers' Group Text, opened up in this week's issue.

of people about what she wishes she could tell her mom about the world today, while also joking about things her mom would not be excited about.

She said she would not have bought into athleisure and people wearing sweatpants everywhere.

She'd be like, no, you still get dressed, you pull yourself together, you put on a little lip gloss, and then you go out.

She said, but she would have been very excited by body acceptance.

That would have actually made her really happy.

She also admits her mom would have equally enjoyed the new GLP-1 weight loss drugs like Ozempic, Wagovia, and Manjaro.

She said, oh, she would have thought Ozempic was the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Her two least favorite things were diet and exercise.

So if she could find a way to avoid both, awesome.

No, the thing is, is that there are a lot of people reaping the benefits of these types of medications, but nobody is reaping the benefits more than older Jewish women.

Yeah.

Who have struggled with their weight, like genetically on like a chemical level since they were born.

Why are people now calling it GLP1?

Like they started last week.

Yeah, because like there's so many.

Like you can be on Manjaro, Wagovi, Ozempic, Semaglutide, Trizepatide.

And this is just a way of saying all of them.

Of grouping them.

Because I thought the group was semagglutide.

No,

Manjaro's active ingredient is not semaglutide.

It's trizepatide.

Look at you, Elizabeth Zot.

Yeah, no, I know everything there is to know about Ozempic.

And I actually just recorded a solo podcast episode on the Patreon about my journey with Ozempic, if you're interested in hearing more.

But you know another thing that Joan would hate in this day and age?

What's going on in Israel?

Yeah, no, like the radicalization of Gen Z and like becoming lovers of terrorist organizations.

Like if Joan was around, we're not.

She'd be vomiting.

I'm glad that she's not.

I know, but I'm glad that she's not alive to see it.

However, a voice like hers is of the utmost necessity in this moment.

I agree with both.

I would love to hear Joan write like a five-minute stand-up monologue on Americans protesting outside Sloan Kettering Cancer Hospital because they accepted a donation from a Jew.

Like that is really

like what I personally need in this moment.

Yeah.

But I'm glad she's not around to see it.

It's really sickening.

One of my favorite

facts about myself, and actually it's about both of us, is that you and I have been inside Joan Rivers' apartment.

Yeah.

The apartment.

Like everyone knows her apartment.

Also, I feel as though a few years ago, we were reported that a production company had posthumously bought the rights to like hours and hours and hours of unaired Joan Rivers stand-up like recent stuff and that they were going to be releasing specials and stuff and albums and we never got that do you remember I don't remember that I remember because the production company that

had bought it was called Comedy Dynamics and they produced my first special that's why I like made the story about myself I remember so why don't you text them and ask

I mean like I could but like who wants to bother people you know yeah it seems like you have the in

I just does anybody else remember that story I actually don't I just remember.

You really don't?

The Joan biopic that's not getting made.

What's that?

Catherine Hahn.

Oh, yes.

What was that?

Because she's not Jewish?

I mean, that was a bad casting.

I'm not going to lie.

Yeah, but like, I would go for a non-Jewish Joan if it's a good casting.

Yeah, yeah.

But who would play Joan?

Honestly, the lady from Hacks, Jean.

Jean's smart, I think her name is.

But what if you want to go younger?

Like the early, like when she was on that.

Oh, yeah.

Johnny Carson.

Yeah.

Oh, I guess if we're doing like a coming of age Joan, then the person doesn't really need to look like,

and, you know, I love Joan, but she was somebody who had a lot of reconstructive surgery.

And I do think that that look could be achieved with prosthetics.

Like the person doesn't need to look that much like her.

Yeah.

In her later years.

So they just need to be the best person for the job.

And for me, that doesn't need to be someone Jewish.

It'd be great if it was, but I just want the best movie possible.

It needs to be somebody who is so naturally funny.

Because yeah, the script is going to be great, but so what was so Joan was like her mannerisms and just like her off the cuff.

So who's like an actor or actress who like we know just like in interviews and stuff is funny?

Like you need to have that.

Yeah.

Kind of like like maybe like Jennifer Lawrence.

Is that crazy?

Yeah, no, that's she's not funny enough.

But

that's not so crazy actually.

And she's a really good actress and then it would be a good movie.

And that's, I want a good movie.

Yeah.

I want a movie that feels like a real movie yeah

is that so much to ask for it's not

are you ready for our fifth and final story no no why our fifth and final story is brought to you by vagamore is that crazy it's not crazy when you look at our hair Real change happens when you're consistent and achieving the hair of your dreams is no exception.

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You're welcome.

Our fifth and final story is a little breakup news that at first made me sad, but now that I'm learning more, I hate.

Oh, okay.

Summerhouse star Sam Feeher, Feher, confirms her breakup with Corey Kiefer.

So they got together on last season of Summerhouse.

Sam was the new girl in Summerhouse.

Corey was a friend of Craig's.

They started flirting and getting along.

Last season, we all saw on the show, and then they started seriously dating, and they were dating for about a year and and a half, but now they've broken up.

And Sam went on Not Skinny But Not Fat podcast and spilled the beans and explained, like, literally to a tea, what went wrong.

And I understand and I hate.

I was like really sad that these two broke up.

Like I thought they were so cute together.

And I actually really thought that they had potential to like, you know, take it all the way.

Yeah, I thought so too.

But she revealed that she ended their relationship a few days before Christmas after processing his shenanigans on Winter House.

So she said on the podcast, quote, I'm not even here to talk shit.

I think he's great.

I didn't break up with him because I don't love him.

I broke up with him because he doesn't love me.

And that's that.

She later admitted that she would tell him that she loved him, but he never said it back over the course of their relationship.

She said, that was like a really big problem for me.

I was like, I think I need to get out.

It's becoming clear.

She explained that he was shocked and floored when she called him before the holidays and dumped him.

The split came after the two of them who were doing long distance relationship, they hadn't communicated for 48 hours after he didn't respond to her

text asking him to spend New Year's Eve with her family.

She said, when your long-distance boyfriend doesn't communicate with you for 48 hours and there's nothing wrong, then there's something wrong.

Like, that's so weird.

Why do you want to go 48 hours without talking to me at all?

Like, that's so crazy.

Yeah, no, it's almost like once she stopped making the effort, like, they never spoke.

Right.

She said

she calls him shortly afterwards and he claimed that he accused her of testing him and timing their texts.

She said, that's the kind of gaslighting I don't need in my life.

She added that specific moment was the first time she knew she was making the right decision.

She said, we were talking and talking and he was like, what are you saying?

Are you saying we should break up?

And I was like, yeah.

Then there was silence.

She said that he was really mature about the split and apologized to her, but the only thing that has continued to bother her is he told her, I wish it was different.

And all she could think about is, you don't wish badly enough to treat me right.

Like you can wish all you want, but if you would do anything to change how it was, then you can do the bare minimum.

He was like, I can do anything except that.

Also, this is after Winterhouse has been airing and he was acting unfavorably towards her, like saying they weren't official, which they, I guess, she said they were in a situation shape, not official official, but like he was acting disrespectfully.

And she saw that all play out.

And it's so he's a fuckboy, like in every, in every sense of the word.

And like we could have guessed that, like he just gives off the vibe of like someone who cheats on their girlfriend, like, which sucks.

Not even cheats, but just like he even said in one of his confessionals that they weren't, you know, serious yet.

And so he was going to, like every guy, no one wants to be in a relationship.

So you kind of push it as long as you can until the girl forces you to be in one It's like that's not how a good relationship works But I feel like what we saw of their relationship last season like yeah, he was giving kind of like fuckboy vibes, but she seemed like the perfect type of girl to because she

was fun like you know that she would just naturally he would want to be always having this fun with her and naturally they would become like an official item which is how it started but i guess you know really a leopard couldn't change his spots no i'm like low-key so excited for the upcoming season of summer house mostly because of carl and Lindsay.

It's like, it's actually so crazy.

Yeah.

And apparently, like it's all on camera.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's what we've read.

I think it might have aired the first episode or it's like, no, the trailer just came out.

Yeah, no, I'm like, there would have been more fanfare if the episode was out.

Yeah, yeah.

So that will be good.

And I guess we'll see Sam and Corey, too.

I really, really like them.

I really like her just as a, as a reality star in general.

I don't have like that much space in my heart left for like more reality stars because i have my favorites already but she really wormed her way in who's your favorite reality star of all time

it's it's fluid because i go through ups and downs with people you know it's true it's true karen huger's up there for me like for a long time like it was like durite but right now i'm not really watching beverly hills like i right but i i always love her but some people just have like bigger moments for me it's true it comes that's a good point it comes in waves yeah

Okay, so those were the fast five.

You certainly needed to know them.

And

continuing with our weekly tradition, today is Wednesday, which means Dear Toasters, our weekly advice segment, where we will give advice to the girlies in need.

Dear Toasters at gmail.com is the email you can write into.

We'll always keep your shit anonymous.

Do not worry.

This is the craziest thing on the planet.

Hello, girlies, longtime listener.

I'm in need of some husband advice from two married girlies.

I found out that my husband has a secret Reddit troll account.

He will go to threads, go off, a la Karen.

I saw him comment on a thread that was about someone's love for Steve Irwin, and my husband apparently didn't agree with that.

I have a severe ick and I don't know what to do.

Being a chronic user of Reddit to the point where you have your own account is a sign of mental illness.

It is.

And if this were your boyfriend, I would say break up with your boyfriend, but it's your husband.

So we need to work on things because there's a lot that has gone into this relationship and it's so funny I was literally thinking this morning because I saw something on TikTok about like a Reddit thread not about me about someone else and I was thinking like people who really do like create their own usernames on Reddit and like start threads and like start drama and start rumors like are violent people.

Like it's only a matter of time.

Like this is just step one.

You know, they're, they're a danger to themselves and to those around them.

They're a danger to society.

But

do you think they could be rehabilitated?

I think, like, and I know I sound crazy, like, I do think like it requires therapy.

I was going to suggest therapy.

I also think it's an addiction for a lot of people.

Like, they go on Reddit just to like, you know, see some gossip.

And next thing you know, like, they're literally posting people's addresses.

Like, it is a slippery slope.

And I do think it's an addiction.

And I think it's something that you have to like cleanse yourself, like a vape.

Seriously, like you have to go cold turkey.

And I think therapy would help.

I actually, like, I do, I do worry for your safety for real.

Yeah, I was going to suggest therapy.

I agree that it's an addiction.

I do think you can be rehabilitated.

You know, I'm a believer in change and he needs help.

This is unacceptable.

You can't just like live your life and be like a parent who like talks shit on, like, oh, how frightening.

You're raising children.

That's frightening.

Oh, how frightening.

No, I completely agree.

And

yeah.

Yeah.

I'll pray for you, but I, and I'm I'm glad that you, that you, like, found out about this and realized how crazy it was.

Cause some people would be like, oh, he's just like using a social media app.

Reddit is not a social media app.

It's honestly like a breeding ground for domestic terrorists for real.

Like you have to get, it radicalizes you.

You have to get off the platform.

Yeah.

It's it's easy to spiral, but I think you can be pulled back.

I really do think there's rehabilitation.

Yeah, no, change is possible.

So is freedom.

Stay strong.

Stay strong.

Let us know what happens.

All right, this is the one that sounds like you could have written it it in maybe like a year ago.

Okay.

Dear Jackson Claude, I'm 30, live in Chicago, and I'm expecting my first baby.

I do not have my driver's license.

I always planned on getting it when I eventually moved to the suburbs.

My husband's a P-Job, totally supports it.

But recently, every time we've seen one of his friends and his wife, they like lecture me about not driving.

And we saw them a few weeks ago, and the friend straight up said to me, What kind of mom are you?

You can't drive and you're going to be a stay-at-home mom.

He said it in front of a big group of people and it was so humiliating.

I don't know how to keep defending my choice and now I'm wondering if I should just suck it up and get my license even though I really don't want it.

Sincerely, a soon-to-be mom feeling judged.

Okay, I understand why you feel judged.

I also understand why it's a crazy concept to be a stay-at-home mom who can't drive and we need to be able to drive.

I really.

There are two things going on here.

Yeah, like the comment will get your license.

We'll deal with him, but you should get your license, license, especially if you're going to move to the suburbs and have a child.

Like you need to know how to drive for, even if you don't want to drive every day, like for emergency situations.

Emergency.

You need to know how to drive at least until Elon fully completes automated driving, which he's working on vigorously.

So

according to Walter, but still you need to have your license in order to get in the front seat of a self-driving car.

So you need to get your license, even though I know it's, you don't want to do it.

I didn't want to do it.

And I still, I don't love the driving.

Like I dread it.

And I hope one day it gets better, but it's been a year.

Well, I guess I took six months off.

So it's been six months.

And I still, like, it's not my favorite.

But when it's good, it's great.

So you need to learn how to drive.

Him,

he can rot.

Yeah.

I think we should take a moment and just be grateful that like, you know, you're not married to this man, you know?

But like.

It was actually, it sounds really rude.

And I actually think you should say something.

I am the type of person to like really like slip things under the rug.

Like I'm, I'm, nothing ever bothers me enough to the point where I would ever say something.

Like I'm so averse to confrontation, but this is like a particularly disgusting thing.

And I feel like you should make him apologize.

Nothing makes men more uncomfortable than like having to apologize to a girl.

So I think like you should have your husband say like you owe my wife an apology.

I don't know.

I think you should.

I like brush things under the rug and one of two things happens.

I genuinely forget about it and move on.

Beautiful.

Or I never forget.

And every time I look at your face, I see that comment and it will affect how I treat you for the rest of your days.

And doesn't love.

Isn't that terrible for you?

Love.

No, but like, I think you should say something.

Like, I really do.

What kind of mom are you?

What kind of animal are you?

Yeah, no, that, but how do you even like defend yourself against an allegation such as that?

It's beneath you.

I know, but like, I just really don't like letting people get away with being animals, you know?

Yeah.

Like, let's hold them accountable.

I don't know if it's possible.

So

are you just like expand expending like mental energy on a lost cause?

And maybe it's just if he doesn't get invited to your roundtable anymore.

Okay, so that's actually my signature move and Ben hates it.

If somebody does something to me that like I dislike, I won't work it out with them.

I will never see that person again unless it's like a lifelong friend.

But if it's like a new acquaintance who I was like starting to like, whatever this like, if you just say something weird or like do something, I'm like, it's not worth, I barely know you.

No, it's more than weird.

It's offensive.

Offensive, a betrayal.

I just will slowly walk backwards and you'll never see me again.

Yeah.

It's the Tarity special.

Ben hates it.

Ben is like, just talk it out.

Talk it out.

What am I going to talk it out for?

Yeah, there's nothing worth saving here.

We were on our way.

We were building something.

Yeah.

But abandon ship.

There's just, it's a.

That's the same thing.

It's just like talk it out.

Let her know how you feel.

Really?

Yeah.

I'm like, no.

No.

No.

Literally, no.

And you know what?

Like, we're good.

It's working for us.

We're good.

I feel like I really do.

Like, I'm not in a position where like I need more people in my life.

Like, if I never, if my circle never got bigger, like, I would have a very, very full group of friends and family around me.

So anyone at this point who's coming into my life is just an addition.

You know, it's just extra sprinkles on top.

It's not a necessity.

So if you're like new here and you're already like starting stuff, like I'm, you're not worth the effort.

Yeah.

All right.

This is the third and final deer toasters that made me laugh so fucking hard.

Is this the one written by Turdy?

No, I X that one because I like the other two better.

And this one I had to put in.

Hey guys, absolutely love you.

You are so funny.

I'm in high school and you make me laugh every day.

Anyways.

You just put it in to let people know we have a listener in high school.

I swear to God, Jackie, she wrote that I'm in high school.

No, no, I'm saying like we needed to do this one so that our listeners could know like we are in the right school.

We are hip and we are young.

Anyways, at Christmas time, I saw my whole family.

My aunt accused me of stealing her phone and changing her bitmoji to have short hair.

I didn't, by the way.

I am baffled that she would accuse me of this.

I have heard through the grapevine that she's currently planning a revenge on me.

What should I do to her for making this gross accusation?

Now, there is nothing worse than being accused of something you didn't do, especially something as egregious as as changing a bitmoji.

Because when it comes, like, there are a lot of people who like bitmojis, but bitmojis were really created for elder aunts.

Yeah.

The only people I know who currently use bitmojis are our aunts.

It's just a fact of life.

And Dana Holsberg.

Oh, love.

Because it's integrated with Snapchat.

So if your aunt, like, thinks that you actually did this, like, I would understand why she would be upset.

Like, this is an egregious crime to an aunt.

But at the end of the day, the truth is what matters most.

And you're saying that you didn't do it.

And I believe you.

The truth will set you free.

So we just have to get her to see the truth.

Maybe there was an update.

I feel like sometimes that happens where Bitmoji updates its look

and people's Bitmojis change.

You should find an article.

Check out TechCrunch.

Maybe Bitmoji had an update.

Yeah.

But also like, it's not.

on you to prove your innocence.

Like you didn't do anything.

You know what I mean?

Like your aunt just kind of being libelous.

Like it's kind of disgusting.

That's how I felt about the guy with the driving comment.

Like it's not on you to prove that you're a good, like,

you shouldn't have to prove your innocence.

I feel as though the situations are different, but I hear what you're saying.

But I actually feel like in this situation, like, you could prove your innocence.

Whereas in that situation, it's like, it's, it's not on you to do that.

But here, like, you could prove it somehow.

Find a way.

Yeah.

But if she's planning

strokes,

if you're if she's planning revenge on you, like you're about to find yourself in like a full-blown prank war and you have to be prepared because those sometimes can end end badly.

Yeah.

Somebody takes it too far.

Yeah.

What do you think is like a good harmless prank?

I'm not.

Actually, I weirdly, as much as I say, I don't like pranks.

Tacos at Trouts.

I love a prank like that.

Like a prank of the mind.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like to tell you something completely untrue, just to be like, kidding.

Yeah, no, that's not a prank so much as it is just a lie.

Yeah, but I don't like, think of it in advance.

It's like if you ask me, it's on the spot messing with people.

Literally, one of my greatest lie pranks of all time, just so off the cuff, when I told Ben I sat next to Rory McElroy on my flight home from Scottsdale.

Right.

Or that guy with the phone number, Luke Homes.

Julius Randle.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What did Luke Holmes have to do with it?

That I said, Ben was like talking about Julius Randall.

I was like, oh my God, like I literally know Julius Randle.

I have his phone number.

Ben's like, no, you don't.

I've said, yes, I swear to God, I met him backstage.

He's a big Luke Homes fan.

Yeah.

That's my favorite kind of prank.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let me try and think of like other funny ones we've done.

Oh, wait.

I feel like we just did one

on our family trip.

Yeah.

We were trying to.

To Ben.

To Ben.

What was it?

I forget.

He didn't believe it, though.

He didn't fall for it.

He's getting better.

When we first met him, he was such an easy target.

Yeah.

Oh, it was good.

Those were the days.

But it didn't take whatever this one was.

Not even worth remembering.

anyway.

So those are the things.

All that to say, our advice to you, girlfriend, is to keep your head up high.

Don't let anyone like talk on your name, especially if it's not true.

So stand up for yourself.

Tell your bitch ass of an aunt that it wasn't fucking you and she better back off, or you're going to put Nair in her shampoo bottle.

No, you're not.

Saran wrap on her toilet seat.

Now, see, these are pranks I hate.

Now disgusting.

Now I hate them.

Like, girls, like, this wasn't a prank.

This was more like bullying.

Like girls at camp who would pee in like other girls' shampoo bottles.

Yeah, that's like

good on the watch list.

And like putting their toothbrush in the toilet.

Disgusting.

Dipping it in the water.

That's disgusting.

Yeah, those girls are on Reddit now.

Those girls are on Reddit now.

But I didn't know anyone who ever, like, that stuff was kind of stuff of fable.

You know, people didn't actually do stuff like that.

Oh, are you talking about like the peeing in the...

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like stuff you saw in movies.

Because like you get kicked out of camp for something.

That's not like a harmless prank.

Yeah, no, you heard like, oh my God, did you hear about the girl at Moden who like, you would hear like a rumor, but you would have never like know that it's actually true.

Yeah, that was like mythical camp pranks.

Yeah, that's true.

No one actually did stuff like that in my experience.

Yeah, I don't know any firsthand like experiences of people who did that.

Yeah.

Or who were victims of that.

Yeah.

So that's our show.

Thanks to everyone who wrote in.

We hope we helped in a small way.

And just know that, you know, bitmoji stealing is not a victimless crime.

Thank you guys so much for listening to the Toast The Millennium World Show, where we deliver the fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

So if you're watching this on YouTube, please don't forget to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up.

We're also available as a podcast, anywhere podcasts can be found.

That's Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, Public Radio, IR Radio Cast Box, all the places where you listen to podcasts.

Find out how to toast even five-star beautiful about a beautiful setting and wickedly talented we are.

Hope you guys have an amazing Wednesday and we'll see you tomorrow.

Like Thursday.

How is is it?

Just like that.

Love you.

Bye.