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Good morning, millennials, and welcome back to the toast.

Happy Wednesday.

It is the middle of the week.

It's hump day.

Such an important day to commemorate here at the toast and nationwide, honestly.

Globally.

Yeah, why limit ourselves to just the states?

No, I think the whole world should be commemorating hump day.

All the cameras coming out for a global affair.

Oh, right.

That's what hump day is.

A global affair.

Yep.

How's your hump day so far?

You know what?

So far, it's better than my Tuesday.

That's good.

For a number of reasons.

I got to sleep until my normal hour this morning.

And I'm wearing a cardigan that I love from a sister that I love.

Yeah.

I've got these new maternity jeans on.

I like my outfit.

So fabulous to feel that way.

Because I like it.

So I'm feeling really hopeful and excited.

Wow.

It's also Wednesday, which means it's the Vanner Prump Rules finale.

And honestly, like, I'm fucking ready.

No, it's like, it might as well be on my Google calendar the way that I've like scheduled for this.

Like, oh, I can't go out to dinner tonight.

Vanner Pump.

Shit, I just realized I have an event tonight.

I heard you have an event tonight.

Yeah, it's at seven.

I heard about it from Margo.

Yeah.

That you guys are going to an event.

Yes.

Without me.

You're more than welcome to come.

But like now I'm thinking, what time has been from Pearl's on?

Nine.

Okay, I'll be home by 8:30.

Like, I

have to get out of there in time.

I forgot about that.

You have to watch the other episode then before you go.

I do.

Good job.

Your big plan

of a back-to-back.

I have something to share with you that I found extremely interesting.

Okay.

I actually took a picture of it.

So I finished Andy's book last night and it was great.

Like I gave it four out of five stars.

I don't know if he necessarily needed to write another book.

There was really nothing major that happened or real lesson he learned or whatever.

whatever um but on the topic of megan markle i was really surprised that that when we reported on that thing they didn't include

she was brought up twice in the book and the second time was much more interesting the first time was when they recorded their podcast episode together and the second time is when the podcast episode actually came out andy was definitely pissed okay so they basically sat and chatted for an hour but they cut it down to 20 minutes because it was Judd Appetow, Trevor Noah, everyone got 20 minutes.

And he actually said they had like a really nice chat over that hour.

And then they chatted afterwards, just like gossiping.

He wouldn't share like what it was, but they really connected.

And he was really proud of himself because he got to throw in like a question for her about Oprah, where she had basically said, we never watched it.

And that's why when he quoted, were you silent or silenced?

He was like so proud of himself.

She really didn't know what he was talking about because she didn't watch it.

Because she was there when Oprah.

Yeah, but it didn't feel like a major moment like it did to us.

Like it just caught on.

So when the episode came out, this was his diary entry.

Megan Markle's podcast came out and it was interesting to see how they produced it.

She narrates it, which is an effective device, especially if you're cutting an hour down to 20 minutes, which she did.

However, in that narration, she talks about what a tough conversation this was for her, mentioning that she has conflicting feelings about the housewives.

I thought it was interesting that she said that in narration, but didn't discuss it with me head-on.

Wouldn't that have made for a more dynamic conversation?

She cut out the Oprah conversation and me saying, were you silent or silenced?

And left in the part where she busted me for having forgotten meeting her in the pre-Duchess days.

So, like, she was shady and he was pissed.

Like, it's actually, um,

he's right.

Like, it would have been like an interesting dynamic conversation.

She has conflicting feelings about the housewives, I'm sure, in some way, as it pertains to, like, modern-day feminism.

No, no, for sure.

And that's just, to me, like, such a lame take.

And I feel like.

It's a bad take.

I agree.

Gloria Steinem, when she was on Watch Reap and Slide, being like, you know, housewives is bad for women.

Like, it's not.

I don't agree.

It's a low-hanging fruit of takes.

It's like saying the Kardashians are bad for women.

Like, I don't think that's true.

I think women can handle themselves.

And if you look at the housewives and you're inspired, great.

And if you're disgusted, great.

And if you're entertained, great.

Like, who fucking cares?

Also, like, if you really want to dig into it, Housewives has given a lot of dependent women independence.

Yeah.

Not through traditional means by any means, but.

Yeah, no, there's a lot of women who came on the show who literally were like under their husband's thumb who are now their own people.

Yeah, no, I feel like when Melissa Gorga was on our podcast for the first time, she was like, you should have seen me like back in the day, like such a housewife in the traditional sense, like literally no money of my own, like just waited for my husband to come home, wipe the kids' asses.

And I think that's like a lot of the growing pains we see on her, in her marriage on the show, like have to do with like this new journey for her.

And she was like, I meet so many women who were like, we're in the same.

So I agree.

Like the whole take on like being, you know, is.

Housewives controversial for feminism and the modern woman.

Like, I think it's such a bad take.

But to like say it in the narration and then

you get the guy.

You get the guy who's like creator of this universe.

You get him for an interview on your podcast and you have obviously like a conflicting feeling and you're not going to bring it up.

Right.

And that would be an interesting conversation.

And it's also,

even if you do feel that way, either say it or don't say it.

Don't say it when he's not there, but have a nice conversation with him when he is there.

So I feel as though actually my takeaway from the book is that him and Megan Markle are actually not on good terms.

I feel like they're not on bad terms, but they're not on good terms considering like they did a podcast together.

I feel like everyone we've ever podcasted with, like, you're on good terms.

Yeah, yeah.

Unless like something happens and you cut, you put in something that you said, and yeah, etc.

So, I did really like the book.

Um, if you're like a Bravo fan, there's like a lot of interest.

I've always just very interested, like, what Andy's relationships with the housewives are personally.

And I feel like from his first book to now his last, he's gotten way more comfortable like having actual friendships with certain women.

I think for a while, he remained like so untouchable because he didn't want the women to compare, but he's like so close with Tamara.

It's so crazy and so close with Garcelle like I did not see that because she's like so new to the universe but I think he just really likes her and they have like a real friendship like they talk on the phone all the time and it's just interesting that is interesting well I'm glad you read it thank you for keeping us abreast yeah it's a good book like it's it's not gonna change your life but like it's good That's okay.

It doesn't have to.

No, a great beach read.

Like it really, there were a couple of times where like I genuinely like cackled.

Like he's very funny.

Great.

Yeah.

I also found it interesting.

like he is really comfortable like sharing moments where he's acting like a diva bitch celebrity like screaming at people or like waiting in line and being impatient like and he like just kind of owns those moments I feel like I would be surprised like you know you you think he would get like shit for that you know yeah but maybe he's just trying to get out ahead of it maybe like there this was actually a crazy moment where he was in DC and he went to that hotel bar that Chris Candace's husband from Potomac is the manager of okay and so he went there a because he's heard it's a good spot, and B, he thought, you know, he'd get like VIP treatment.

Turns out

her husband had recently been like, you know, let go or

left the job, but he still went and like they couldn't find a place to stand.

And they finally found a place to stand at this packed bar and this like manager or like hostess comes over and like yells at them and Andy was just like, Andy had it.

And he snapped.

And then security came and escorted him out and said that the hostess is crying.

And it was just like this crazy saga where like he yelled at this girl and like the girl was like, obviously like overtly sensitive.

But Andy like totally owned the fact that he made the girl cry and like it ruined his whole week yeah well i feel like a situation like that is so that if that story ever like gets out he's like yeah no i did that i felt bad about it everybody accepted accountability yeah yeah yeah yeah

it was very introspective it was good but it's crazy that that doesn't like make it to dumois well so then he did bring up dumois he was like i was in the hamptons james cordon's eggs are from page news right right okay so he was in the hamptons and he was at this coffee shop that was taking forever he like just got a tea i think he was was sick and he just like,

oh my God, he was like pacing.

He was like, I looked like a lunatic, like talking to myself, just like wondering when my tea was going to come.

And he eventually stormed out without the tea because it was a $6 tea and he never, it never came, whatever.

And it ended up on D1.

Not that he was like being an asshole, just that he appeared to be in a rush and left without his tea.

That's a nice spin.

Yeah, it was pretty good for him.

Yeah.

So yeah, that was what I did.

Very nice.

Yesterday I was just like, you know what?

Like, fuck this.

I was not in the motherfucking mood to answer an email, to put put one ounce of work in.

I sat down at two o'clock after the toast and I was like, fuck it.

And I just read the whole day.

I was just like feeling, I was kind of feeling like playing hookie.

You were just like turning to literature.

I forgot that I could play hookie, you know?

Yeah.

Like, it's kind of fun.

Yeah.

I loved it.

I'm happy for you.

I was taken down by my tiredness and my allergies yesterday.

Everyone's talking about the allergies.

The allergies, they're not good.

We were in the park and it was just a lot of pollen, like pollen falling everywhere.

So sorry.

Yeah, but it was was okay.

Other than that, it was a nice day.

And then I went out to dinner and I did not see Taylor Swift.

Well, I figured if you did, one, I would know at this point and two, like, that's what you would lead with.

But how is your adventures in spotting Taylor Swift going?

What's the plan for the rest of the week?

Yesterday was like your big opportunity.

Yeah, okay.

So let me tell you how yesterday, like, I got played.

I went, I chose a hot spot for dinner.

I kept my eyes on alert.

And I would say 20 minutes into my meal, guess who walks in?

in I know the answer so Gigi Hadid right so I was like oh my god my plan is working Taylor's obviously coming to meet her I thought I was feeling on top of the world I was so like feeling not present in my dinner because I just had like my eyes and ears open to the to the restaurant and then you know days turned into nights and nights turned into months and Taylor never showed up And according to my research, Taylor didn't leave the house last night, which I guess is almost better than like if I chose the wrong restaurant, you know?

Yeah.

So

yeah.

Are you going to keep trying to go back to that place like for the rest of the week?

Because she probably will go there one night this week.

I just can't.

I have to watch Van and Primp Rolls tonight.

Right.

Tonight's a wash.

I have an engagement party tomorrow night uptown.

Taylor's not going to be uptown.

So I just feel like I tried.

Okay.

I got dressed and I stayed alert.

And nothing came of it.

It's only Wednesday.

Lemon, it's only Wednesday.

Lemon, it's only Wednesday.

I'm like, why are you calling me lemon?

He said, I get it.

Like, you literally got dressed and stayed alert one night when you went to dinner.

No, I gave it a shot.

Like, that's what I'm saying.

Like, this is not going to be, like, I'm not going to scavenge.

Like, it's fine.

And maybe, like, you'll stay alert, but not dressed.

So you could just, if someone says, oh, my God, Taylor's at so-and-so,

you run.

No.

No, it has to be, like, I have to be there.

You know, it has to be, like, meant to be.

Okay.

It's okay.

I feel like I gave it a triumphant attempt and I'm okay with it.

Okay.

I'm glad that I'm okay with that too, then.

I'm not going to pressure you.

Thanks.

I'd like to, like, you should work, like, take care of yourself.

Right.

Right.

I could be, like, running out of the house pulling my hair out every night when I hear Taylor's on 14th Street, you know?

Yeah.

Think of the Ubers I'll spend money on it.

Tricricate.

Traffic.

I'll end up pulling my hair out.

And that would be bad.

And I don't have a lot of hair to spare these days.

It's also Wednesday, which means it's your toasters.

We've got three great submissions from Garly's who need it.

They need us, Jacks.

And we're here for you.

We're always here for you, but especially on Wednesdays.

Yeah.

I wouldn't say we're always here for you.

No, I'm kidding.

We're here for you on Wednesdays.

Yeah.

That's where you can find us.

So it's steer toasters at gmail.com.

So I think without further ado.

Is it?

Yeah, we actually have really good stories today, and I'm really excited to chit-chat with my girl a swirly turdy.

Yep.

Without further ado, here are the fast side stories that I'm going to chit-chat with my girly swirly turdy about that you need to know this morning.

Thanks, Jax.

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Thank you, Claudia.

You're welcome.

Now, our first story is a tragedy.

The new photos.

It's a tragedy.

The new photos for It Ends With Us, the Colleen Hoover book-turned movie, have dropped.

We see Blake Lively fully transformed as redhead Lily Bloom, and fans are pissed.

So, if you've seen these photos, they're all over the internet.

If you haven't seen, just Google, you know, they were paparazzied on the street.

We saw Ryle, who was played by Justin Baldoni.

We saw Lily played by Blake Lively in character.

So it was the first time we're seeing her in wardrobe, in hair.

She has red hair.

And it's giving brave.

It's tragic.

The outfits, the hair,

it is, to say the least,

shocking.

It's shocking and it's offensive to the fans.

It's offensive to the book, too, and it's offensive to Blake Liley.

Like the most stylish woman on the planet, who would put her in these clown outfits?

I mean, that big brown dress.

The socks and the shoes.

The bag, the shirt tied at the top.

Yeah, no, honestly.

Honestly, it felt like a prank.

Every item is bad.

Worse than the next.

There's not like a coat that ties it together.

And I have to say, I don't remember Lily Bloom as being a freak.

That's no, no.

She was like this like really kind of cute garnie like girly.

Girly.

Yeah, no, it's so shocking.

and I will say like whenever a book turns into a movie there's you know people are hypersensitive they're always on alert they're criticizing and I feel like a lot of the times it's unfair like whenever photos come out people you know free I disagree this is so fucking next level

I don't feel like when photos come out of a movie turning of a book turning into a movie that we are usually disheartened like when we saw Amila Kunis so I was gonna bring that up too because that was very exciting like walking down the street and just and it was a regular dress like no but like people who are so obsessed with a certain book like they're always gonna be sensitive.

And like, I can understand that, and I just want to say the backlash to these photos, that is not that.

That is not that.

No, this is warranted.

This,

I was shocked.

I mean, I don't know what's worse: the hair or the clothes, probably the clothes, but what's with the hair?

I don't know.

Why?

What's that girl's name from Brave?

I'll Google it.

I'll no, it's like not something

it's like a weird name,

not weird, but it's like not uh common

like it's like something from

Poldark.

A courageous.

It's Scottish, yeah, exactly.

Yeah, sorry, I didn't mean weird Scottish.

I wasn't like trying to be offensive.

What the fuck is her name?

Feme.

What is it?

Merida.

Merida, yes.

That's not what I was thinking.

Yes.

Merida.

Merida, whatever.

Merida.

Merida.

I was thinking like Demelza from Poldark, because the hair is giving Demelza, too.

It's giving Meralda.

What do we say her name?

Merida.

Merida.

Why?

Literally,

why is it like that?

I don't know.

Like, such a weird take.

It's offensive to everyone.

It's offensive to the readers.

It's offensive to Colleen.

It's offensive to Blake.

It's offensive to Redheads.

It's offensive to Blake.

Like, and she's such a stylish queen.

Like, she knows that what she's.

She's just, but when you're an actor, like, you're just an actor.

You do what you're told, you know?

I don't blame Blake.

I don't know who the fuck I'm doing.

I'm blaming

Wardrobe, but also, someone at the top has decided to ruin this movie.

Yes.

Maybe, like, someone at at the top is like old high school friends with Colleen Hoover's arch nemesis, and is like, I'm gonna take her book and I'm gonna ruin it.

I'm taking the Hoovers down.

I don't know if Colleen knows that this is happening, she's being set up, and I feel like she just is so immensely grateful for all these opportunities that she can't see that.

Like, sometimes something like seems really great, but it's compromising the integrity of your work.

I know, and I'm just so confused because you know, the casting wasn't what we had hoped, but that doesn't mean that there's no hope for that.

Like, Philip Lively is like an amazing, gorgeous actress that we'd love to see on the screen.

So, you you know what?

So, they went with a star.

So, we'll deal with it.

When people thought maybe they should have gone with a young, undiscovered talent, maybe she wasn't the age range.

We thought, whatever.

Like, none of it was not.

You'd never be like mad about seeing Blake Lively.

No, and none of the casting was really like something they couldn't come back from.

Yeah.

These were all professional, hired actors, like, and they can make a movie.

But I don't know.

What I'm seeing now, I don't know.

It's sabotage.

It's so.

Like, let's just call a spade a spade.

Like, those clothes were fuggly.

Like, what the fuck?

Fuggly.

She's a girl.

If you read the book, she looks like a girl.

She looks like she's on the set of little women.

Yes, yes.

If you read the book, you know, like Lily, the character, like, loves flowers.

She loves beautiful things.

She would dress in like pastel colors and like, you know, beautiful, bright

materials.

Like, what is this duty brown dress?

From what I remember about the book, like, her wardrobe wasn't

a factor.

Factor at all.

So she probably like wore jeans and a t-shirt, like, shopped at Zara.

Like, so true.

She's not, her wardrobe is not a cat.

She's not a model.

Like, this is fucking distracting.

It's destructive.

It's destructive.

I was literally like guffawed.

I keep, I've been using that word for like three weeks.

Is that even the right word?

Yeah.

I was absolutely flabbergasted and guffawed.

Like I was shook when I saw that.

I'm like, there's no way.

I'm like, maybe this is her, you know, break clothes.

Like maybe she's on break and she's wearing a big duty brown dress.

Maybe, but then also the dress gets a t-shirt put on top.

Yes, with a knot at some point.

And the t-shirt says like Earheart to

I don't know.

With a knot in it and then a painter's smock on top.

It's how I would describe it.

It's really bad.

The hair is bad.

Everything is bad.

Yeah.

I'm just, I'm really,

I'm shocked.

And I often think like when there's like universal backlash, I'm like, people are being dramatic.

They're not.

No.

Honestly, they're not being dramatic enough.

No, they're not.

Especially this book has such a cult cult following.

Like, if you search it on Tumblr, like, there's so many fan edits.

Like, the movie produces itself.

Like, the visuals are there.

It's really not that hard.

It's not like you have to create the world of hog wars.

Like, it's just a couple of good-looking people in an apartment.

In Boston.

Yeah, with flowers.

Right.

Flowers.

That's it.

That's so.

And you chose this.

It doesn't need like a different creative lens.

It doesn't need

what's that woman's name from Sex in the City?

Patricia Fields.

It doesn't need, like, the wardrobe is not a a factor.

No, it's really not.

It's just regular people with regular jobs.

You don't need to recreate the wheel.

You just need to let the story tell itself.

Yeah, it's bad.

Bad.

We'll keep you updated.

This, like, every time something comes out about this movie, it's like worse than the next.

I don't know what we're going to hear next, but I'm scared.

I know.

I'm scared.

Are you ready for our next story?

Yeah.

Which is some good hair news.

Oh, yeah.

Beyonce teases a new hair care launch.

She said she can't wait for you to experience what she's been creating.

So Beyonce took to Instagram on Tuesday, less than a week after

kicking off her tour.

I'm like, who did she kick out?

To tease the launch of her new hair care line.

So, the first photo in the carousel was of her posing in a mirror while styling her natural curls.

And then the second picture was a throwback photo of her getting her hair braided in a salon chair.

Then, she had the third photo as like a statement written for her.

How many of y'all knew my first job was sweeping hair in my mama's salon?

Destiny's Child got our start by performing for clients while they were getting their hair done.

She said, I was exposed to so many different kinds of entrepreneurial women in her salon.

I saw firsthand how the ways we nurture and celebrate hair can directly impact our souls.

I watched her heal and be of service to so many women.

Having learned so much on my hair journey, I've always dreamed of carrying on her legacy.

She ended the note with an exciting message saying how she can't wait for you to experience what she's been creating with her first initial and a heart.

So cute.

Hair by Beyonce.

Hair by Beyonce, I feel like based on the letter and then the visuals, it's like going to be targeted for black hair, which honestly, like, I feel like Beyonce is going gonna become like a billionaire five times over.

Like, this is the best idea.

Yeah, I wasn't before yesterday, like, thinking, like, what business does Beyonce need to get into?

She should get into the like beauty game, just like, you know, how everyone else is doing, but this is a no-brainer.

Yeah, no, and I think a lot of times when celebrities announce like a hair or

a skin or makeup, it feels like very cash-grabby and like dumb, but this feels like extremely on brand.

I think, like, so many girls look up to Beyoncé and like style their hair after Beyonce.

So, I think this is a great idea.

I saw the craziest TikTok of Beyonce's mom.

Okay.

Somehow she was at one of the concerts.

She got like stuck in GA.

She's like literally behind the barricades like with people and she's trying to, she's talking to security and like literally security like pick like literally people, the people behind the barricade and security in front of the barricade like hoist her up in the air and like put her over the barricade.

She like got lost at the concert.

That's crazy.

Before the concert had begun.

But I'm glad the security recognized her and like didn't make her

go around.

You know how many people probably come up and say, hey, I'm Beyonce's mom.

Ryan, right?

Yeah.

Thank God she's like a person of public knowledge, you know?

Yeah.

People are like, this is Beyonce's mom.

How did she get stuck?

I don't know.

She honestly looked hilarious.

Like, she would be like a funny gal.

That's really funny.

I hope we get more info on this soon.

I know, like, let's brainstorm names.

Believe.

It's obviously going to have like a B in it.

It's going to have, you're right about that.

And did I hear, she's closing down Ivy Park.

I didn't hear that.

I think I did.

Oh, interesting.

Which I feel like was really never, like, it never felt like the right business to me for her.

No, but I feel like it did really well while it was around.

Yeah, because people just love Beyonce.

But let me see if I can get it.

But it wasn't like the obvious thing she did.

Adidas to end clothing partnership with Beyonce a month ago.

Oh, interesting.

I didn't feel like it was like a good business call.

Like when I think of Beyonce, I don't think of athleisure.

It was cute athleisure, like as an athleisure company on its own.

It was fine.

It was good, whatever.

I don't know.

It just didn't feel like a match.

Like, this is a a much better suited business for Beyoncé, in my opinion.

I wonder, well, first of all, we could also look to like song titles for perhaps inspiration.

That's a good call, or like song lyrics, Renaissance hair.

Oh, that's pretty cool, yeah.

But there's no B in it, no, no, but there might not be a B if it's like an iconic Beyoncé,

yeah, lyric or reference, yeah, yeah,

oh,

like the Becky with the good hair.

No, she would never.

She would never not Becky with the good hair, but just like good hair by by Beyonce.

I kind of love that.

Good hair by Beyonce.

But I think in that lyric, good hair,

I think,

I don't know, actually.

But good hair, like whatever it meant, then

good hair is like...

Good hair.

It's still too weird.

Look it up in the dictionary.

Yes.

Hair that is good.

Right.

Good that is hair.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Good hair is actually like not a bad name.

No, not at all.

And obviously, since she's like teasing it, I think it's probably like ready to go.

I would hope so.

It's not like, you know, years away.

I think we're like weeks away from finding out.

That's exciting.

I love a launch.

So do I.

A hard launch.

This was soft.

This is extremely soft.

Yeah.

But exciting nonetheless.

Exciting nonetheless.

Are you ready for our next story?

Yeah.

Speaking of excitement.

For Speak Now TV, Taylor Lautner says that he feels safe, but he's praying for John.

As the release release for Taylor Swift's third re-recorded album, Speak Now, Taylor's Version, looms this summer, there's one man with romantic ties to the singer who feels confident about revisiting the era ahead of the drop, Taylor Lautner.

He laughed when Today.com asked how he's feeling with less than two months before he, along with millions of Swifties, are set to revisit 2009 and 2010.

At the time, the actor was in his...

What is this?

At the time, the book Twilight was at its peak.

He, too, was in the spotlight for his personal life.

Like, just get to the fucking shot.

No, just say he was in Twilight.

Thanks.

Anyways, he's back to December on Speak Now.

He said, yeah, I think it's a great album.

Yeah, I feel safe

praying for John.

The Swifties know, like, Taylor Laudner is the least problematic ex.

He's sleeping, you know, very soundly at night, knowing this album is on its way.

No, and Speak Now is to John Mayer what Red was to Taylor Jake Gyllenhaus.

Jake Gyllenhaal, and technically what Fearless was to Joe Jonas.

Yeah, but the thing is, and why it's different is like there was no bloodshed with Joe Jonas because like A, Joe and Taylor are friends.

And at the end of the day, like Joe didn't do anything to Taylor.

Like, yeah, he broke up with her on the phone, but like, he didn't hurt her.

Like, he was like, you know, Jake Gyllenhaal and John May are like, we're all still mad because it's like, you were 35-year-old men, like, taking advantage of this teenager.

Like, you're fucking disgusting.

Like, we're not going to, like, just let that go.

Yeah.

And because it's these, from what it seems, are not isolated incidents.

Like, especially with Jake Gyllenhaal, like, there's been, like, even his current girlfriend is super young so much younger than him like it's a pattern of behavior so i think that red taylor's version coming out just like highlighted something that has always been true yeah and i think with john mayer he's very he's a problematic lover yeah in general we've known but i don't know I don't know that it's going to be as bad for him because I feel like everything about John Mayer is known.

Like he's very accountable for

what he was in the past.

He's like in his post-womanizer era.

He's like rehabilitated.

Yeah, so I don't think it's going to be like as shocking as realizing like oh my god jake gyllenhall is like afraid of fucked up yeah no that's true like we've been knowing yeah about and he's like been open about it um how he like took this break from the spotlight and he's i think on watch rappin's live like a few times he always refers to like his past life as like you know he's a former womanizer yeah so but i also think that what dug jake gyllenhall's grave was all too well 10 minute version because then we got like details that we didn't know before yeah so it would have to be vault tracks that would bury that would add color John Mayer.

Yeah.

I mean, also with John Mayer, I think everyone's on high alert because would have, could have, should have from Midnights people

believe is also about John Mayer.

So it's like

we're actually still getting new information on the saga.

Yeah.

So I just think John Mayer will weather the storm better.

I feel like he might even lean into it a little bit, whereas Jake Gyllenha probably won't sit down for an interview unless you swear on the Bible that you won't ask about it.

Yeah, no, for sure.

I think you're right.

Like,

cause John Mayer has responded.

He wrote paper dolls and that was like his big response years later.

But then this year at a concert, he performed it and he gave like a little bit, like he spoke about it before.

It was nothing crazy was said, but he acknowledged it, which was crazy for the community.

Yeah, I don't think it'll be like complete silence from John because I think he feels confident in the fact that he's not a bad guy anymore.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And he's like, he's an open book.

whereas Jake Jillenhall, I feel like, has this like facade

of a reputation to uphold.

So, that's actually like an amazing point.

So, that's the difference to me.

I think John will be fine.

I think John will be fine too, because it's also just a part of his image.

That's why, like, people like love him, problematic king.

It's like J.

Gillenhall is supposed to be this, like, perfect Hollywood actor with like this pristine reputation.

And John is like a bad boy musician.

And I think for a lot of people, like, the more bad things we learn about him, like, the more we love him, which is so fucked.

Yeah.

But I think is the truth for a lot of his his fans.

But Speak Now is younger than Red Taylor.

Yeah, she was younger.

But is John Mayer younger than Jake Gyllenholm?

I honestly think they're like, actually, I would think maybe John Mayer.

But like, can I ask you something?

John Mayer and Taylor.

Oh, John Mayer is 45.

Okay.

Damn.

John Mayer and Taylor, what was the

extent and longevity of their relationship?

And Jake is 42.

Okay.

So their relationship, if I remember correctly, began as, you know,

a mutual respect.

Like, of course, Taylor knew who John Mayer was, and then John Mayer found out who Taylor was, was really kind of inspired by her songwriting.

They publicly flirted with each other.

Like he was very complimentary of her.

He was dazzled by her.

And then I think they worked together to write a song, Half of My Heart.

Oh, that's the song I think he performed when he spoke on tour about Taylor, not paper dolls, whatever.

And during the creative process, you know, they had a brief but fiery romance.

I think Taylor was very excited about, you know, the prospect of a much older, much more successful, probably one of her songwriting heroes.

He's one of the greatest songwriters of our time, you know, to show interest in her.

And he was like, you know, oh, shiny young thing.

And, you know, it's a tale as old as time.

Did they hook up?

I believe

they briefly flung.

I don't think they were ever in like an actual relationship.

And I think that was the problem.

Like, Taylor was searching for something real and he was like fucking around.

Okay.

So

if you listen to the lyrics of Dear John, it sounds like he was just kind of like playing with her emotions and she was like very, you know, into the whole thing.

Okay.

And here's a crazy question.

Who did Taylor lose her virginity to?

All too well.

Jade.

All too well is about the scarf, I think a lot of people believe to be a metaphor for the virginity.

And she also like has a lyric where she like pretty much explicitly says,

I would have to Google it, but that's the vibe that I got, which would mean that like she didn't have sex with John Mayer.

Because it was before.

I mean, it's entirely possible because she was like a conservative queen.

Yeah, yeah.

But you can still like have strong feelings.

Yes, yes.

Yes.

But I've thought for years, like, who did Taylor lose her virginity?

Which is like a disgusting thing to think of.

But John Mayer or John.

Which I don't know that weird.

It's a weird question, but like, I feel like in the context of the conversation, it's germane.

Because Dear John really sounds like the song of a girl who just lost her virginity.

And so for a long time, I thought she lost her virginity to John Mayer.

And then the floating theory.

That would be like really messed up.

Yeah, but then the floating theory was that like all too well the scarf was like a symbol of the virginity and like Maggie Gyllenhaus doesn't have it.

She actually just lost her virginity at Maggie Gyllenha's house.

And so her virginity is at Maggie Gyllenhaal's house and she can't get it back.

Right, right.

And then when Taylor was doing press for the All Too Well 10 Minute Versions, she had been asked by a reporter if the scarf could be a metaphor and she said yes.

Interesting.

I love when people ask the right questions.

Like

them asking Taylor Lautner about things

about this.

Okay, just pulled up the lyrics because I would love to

find the lyric that I'm referring to

because it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me.

Like that's innocence's virginity, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

But then also, there's really an argument to be made that John Mayer took her virginity, like especially would have, could have, should have.

God rest my soul.

I miss who I used to be.

The two monke close.

And a lot of the could have, would have, should have, listen to me, this is important.

A lot of the could have, would have, should have lyrics

feel religious.

They have like religious elements to it.

And you know, she grew up like very conservative.

When you lose your virginity, there's like an element of like religious shame to it.

So the tomb, stained glass, stained glass windows in my mind.

I regret you all the time.

I can't let this go.

I fight with you in my sleep.

The tomb won't close.

Very religious.

Keep on waiting for a sign.

And then it's, if clarity is in death, then why won't this die?

Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts.

Give me back my girlhood.

It was mine first.

That really feels like a lyric about virginity.

Ooh.

And cloaked in this song with like religious references.

It feels.

Why do people think it's about John?

It says 19.

And he said, when she,

when she talks about being 19, dear John, when she talks about being 19, it is John Mayer.

She's letting us know.

Okay, okay, hold on.

Let me find what I'm looking for.

Something about the lifeless.

There really is an argument in terms of lyrics to be made about either men taking her virginity.

And I don't know if this conversation, like speculating on someone's virginity, is like really disgusting and inappropriate because it kind of feels gross.

It does.

So I apologize, Taylor.

Like, this is really not cool.

But, like, I'm just curious.

At least we can take solace knowing she doesn't listen.

So true.

Ugh, why can't I find what I'm looking for?

What are you looking for?

Maybe.

Like, when she says something about like her, like in all too well.

In all too well, like her life, like her body, like laying there, like like

I don't know not a crumpled up piece of paper

drop in the comments who do you think it was yeah that oh my god that's crazy I really don't know

like honestly

you found it and then you wondered where it went to as I reached for you but all I felt was shame and felt my life was my lifeless brain I just feel like that's kind of like how you feel when you lose your originality to the wrong person 100%.

Arguments to be made on both sides.

I really feel like.

There's also a lot of speculation on all sides.

Yeah.

I really feel like could have, would have, should have, like, is the song about losing your virginity, too.

I'll have to listen with that in mind.

Yeah.

I mean, give me back my girl.

Girlhood is already a thesaurus synonym for virginity.

But also now, all too well, I associate it so closely with the book, My Dark Vanessa.

I've told you this theory before, which is about like a young girl who like has an affair with her teacher.

So I might be like conflating like what that story means

with this.

You're projecting.

I'm projecting.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's possible.

But I think it, though, the

more

in terms of things Taylor has actually confirmed, she did confirm like the scarf is metaphoric.

So I do think it's Jake Jyllenhall.

Okay.

So, yeah.

Great.

And also, like, Taylor would have been underage, right, with John Mayer?

19.

Oh, yeah, no, sorry.

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Are you ready for our next story?

I really need to get your take on it.

Yeah.

Because I don't know how to feel.

You really need to get my take.

Why do you feel so special?

I need to like flush it out with you.

So you need me to help you come up with your take.

Yeah.

I sometimes feel that, yeah.

Disney's New Little Mermaid seems to contain a dig at Kate Middleton.

What?

Yeah, I read that.

I skipped the headline a few times before I clicked it and I was like, like, okay, let me see if

there's anything here.

Because also, like, Megan has been known to say, like, she felt like Arielle and the Little Mermaid.

She said that on Oprah.

It's like one of her favorite movies.

Oh, I don't remember that.

Okay.

Yeah.

A reviewer who saw an early screening of Disney's new remake of The Little Mermaid tells page six that it seems to dip a toe into the Meg's debacle and even contains what appears to be a dig at Kate Middleton.

The critic tells page six that the film seems to draw a number of subtle yet plausible comparisons between Megan Markle and Prince Harry on the one hand and the two two lead characters, Arielle, who is play who is black in the new version, and Prince Eric, who is white, on the other hand.

So that's one.

But one scene in particular seems to get pretty literal.

Quote, Arielle has sacrificed her voice in order to get to the surface and meet Prince Eric.

She can't speak, so he tries to guess her name, they said.

Quote, his first guess is Diana.

His second guess is Catherine.

But after Arielle gives a disgusted reaction, he concludes, okay, definitely not Catherine.

Huh.

That does feel

like a strike.

It doesn't feel random.

The spy says there's nothing in the movie's internal logic to otherwise explain the mermaid's extreme response to the name Catherine.

Disney would be disingenuous to imply those names were coincidental, this person said.

I agree.

Like, you have to choose of all the names in all the land, you choose Diana and Kate.

Right.

And meanwhile, in her 2021 interview with Oprah, Megan herself said that she identified with Arielle from the Little Mermaid.

She recalled watching the movie during her troubled time in the UK and she said, I went, oh my God, she falls in love with the prince and because of that, she loses her voice.

Did you see Megan Margot out last night?

I did, which we'll talk about.

She looks stunning.

With this.

You know, she just gets better, like, better looking.

And he is really not cute anymore.

She looked amazing.

He did not look nice.

No, they look like a mismatch.

Like, he just looked like slobbish with his like tie loose.

I thought his outfit was really bad.

Yeah.

Which, like, he, he's just, like, not, like, he's just, like, aging like

not obviously like barely looked at his face because like he's he's so not important no it's like i'm not gonna critique someone's face like what can you do about it

whatever but i thought his outfit was just salabby slob

salab like not tailored next to that dress and she oh she just looked next level yeah um okay but back to this it definitely feels like 100% like a nod.

Maybe it was just like Disney.

And, you know, Megan does like work with Disney.

She does voiceover work.

She has like like a big partnership with them.

It might have just been like a nod, like you saw us and we see you.

Like

it doesn't necessarily feel like a dig at Kate, but more so a nod to Megan.

That's how I'll choose to see it.

Yes.

Except for the face.

Except for the fact that it's a literal dig at Kate and that there's no Megan

element, you know?

Like, I do also think like the names that they chose, like choosing Diana, like is weird.

Yeah.

Like not, not like, oh, it's, you know, it's a, it's not a coincidence.

I just think it's like weird to bring up someone's dead mother-in-law.

Like,

yeah, unless it's an odd.

Does Prince Eric know she?

Oh, no, she's not, is she a princess?

You know, I'm kind of unfamiliar.

So, what I was gonna say

story.

What I was gonna say is, I have not seen The Little Mermaid in ages.

I'll probably see the new one.

So, I really need to see the movie because I don't remember the plot like whatsoever.

And B, I need to see the scene for myself in order to come up with like a full thought.

But for right now, I'm thinking, yeah, it's definitely a nod to Megan.

It's a little shady.

I'm not really feeling it as like, I guess because she makes like a gross face, but yeah.

I don't know.

I don't know.

And I feel like

it's not like they said Camilla, you know?

Right.

Like Catherine is, Kate is really beloved.

Like, yeah.

Not that Camilla deserves hate either.

No, no, no.

She's a little more controversial.

Yeah, no, there's like more of an argument to be made.

Yeah.

I don't know.

But I say like Elizabeth.

Not make a face, but like these are queenly names.

Right, right.

Names of queens, princesses.

Yeah, there's so much hype for this movie.

It's crazy.

I feel like we've been talking about it forever.

Yeah.

Hmm.

When does it come out?

I don't know.

I thought it was already out.

No, this is like only one person saw it.

Right.

It's been under like lock and key.

Yeah.

There's a lot of hoopla.

Hopefully, they're not lying about what they saw and like getting us in a tizzy for nothing.

No way.

They wouldn't do that.

But I just think it's interesting.

Me too.

Our fifth and final story: The Bachelor announces their first ever senior citizen season.

ABC has finally announced that The Bachelor Bachelor Nation is welcoming another spin-off this time.

Its contestants will be senior citizens.

Called The Golden Bachelor, which will premiere this fall, it will focus on one lucky older gentleman and age-appropriate female suitors who will compete for his love.

In a press release, the new reality series is described as a whole new kind of love story, one for the golden years.

The network describes the salt-and-peppered-haired, twinkly-eyed, mature gentleman as a hopeless romantic who will be given a second chance at love in the search for a partner with whom to share the sunset years of life.

Per the release, the group of women arriving at a mansion have a lifetime of experience living through love, loss, and laughter, hoping for a spark that ignites a future full of endless possibilities.

Honestly, just like knowing what we know about how like producers and production like treat contestants, like the thought of these like precious young, I mean, not young, sorry, precious older women like being subjected to like all-night rose ceremonies and like, you know, manipulation.

Honestly, I'm so this feels like

elder abuse.

Wow, that was not going to be my take.

Maybe I just, you know, am believing the press hype.

I thought it sounded so beautiful and also interesting.

Like, just older people are just more interesting and smarter than younger people.

And, like, I actually feel like

a real love match could come from this.

Like, you really know yourself at that age, what you're looking for, like, what you need at this stage of your life.

Like, I believe in the process here,

but all night rose ceremonies is elder abuse.

So, I actually do agree, like, conceptually, this isn't the worst idea for a show, but I just have no faith in the production company that produces a bachelor, whoever it is.

Like, they stink at everything.

If this show had been on Netflix and they did like a real experiment, I would trust it more.

Like, the idea isn't bad, but I have no faith in anything that airs on ABC, honestly.

That's a good point.

I'm sure if it was on Netflix, it would be very good, and the elders would be taken care of.

I kind of like the idea of them doing like typical bachelor things.

Yeah, like dates.

Yeah, and how like kind of corny it is.

And I am going to be hopeful about this.

Are you going to watch?

Depends on where I'm at in my life.

Right.

I'm open to it.

Yeah.

I would sooner watch that than the next season of The Bachelor.

Oh my god, in an instant.

It should be called The Gratcheler.

The great, great Gratcheler.

Like the grandparents bachelor.

I got it.

The Gratcheler.

So brief programming update is that there's a jackhammer outside our window and we want to be able to give our like full-time attention and love to deer toasters.

We're going to do deer toasters tomorrow.

Yeah.

So that in a quiet and peaceful environment, so we can mull over your quandaries.

And not have like a jackhammer in my brain.

That's like the worst.

It's hard to give advice with a jackhammer in your brain.

So I'm so sorry to like cut this episode short today, but it's not our fault the motherfucking jackhammer's outside.

So thanks so much for listening to the Toastman Morning Show.

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