Likeability Is A Prison: Wednesday, May 3rd, 2023

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Good morning, Millennials, and welcome back to the toast.

Happy Wednesday.

It is hump day.

Don't forget to hump someone you love.

And I'm sitting next to someone I love, so she better watch her fucking back.

Damn.

Well, we're twins today, so it would be like you humping thyself.

Which is something I've definitely always wanted to explore.

Today could be the day.

I didn't realize we were both matching.

It's giving Carl.

We are inspired it's giving no like we talk mad crap about the mech alla meanwhile We're just like both sitting here in outfits that were selected for you selected for you by the people in this room

from a pile of stuff Literally we are literally Annie.

I just don't feel like I don't feel like that's why I'm wearing this today, but the facts speak for themselves.

The subconsciousness is real Jax.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

So we have deer toasters today, and I'm so excited.

I feel like I haven't done deer toasters in forever.

Yeah, no, it's been a minute.

Yeah, and I think people need my advice.

People are really struggling without 100%.

Without my two cents.

We had Sophia last week, and then I think the week before that, we had Snitch.

But I was here on a Wednesday.

I think it was me.

I think I did

do it two weeks ago.

Well, you know what?

I need to write into Deer Toasters because I have like, I actually need to write into Unburden Yourselves because quite possibly the most embarrassing thing happened to me at Stagecoach that I forgot to tell everyone yesterday.

And like, I just need someone to make me feel better about it.

Well, you're talking to the wrong girl.

I know, I know.

You're going be to be embarrassed of me.

Okay, I'll I'll keep an open mind.

Let me tell you how like everyone at stage coach stagecoach looked like Taylor Sheridan, the creator of

Yellowstone, who also plays Travis, right?

The horse rancher.

Yeah.

And I thought I saw him like a few times.

And then I actually did see him.

And I knew he was going to be there.

Like Yellowstone had like a big tent at stagecoach.

Luke Grimes, who plays Casey, performed.

He's a singer.

So I just had a feeling I was going to get to meet Taylor Sheridan.

Like I was just excited.

And then I actually did see him like backstage in like the artist compound.

It wasn't like, it was very like low key, you know?

And I was like, oh my God, Taylor Sheridan.

I was like, so excited.

I like walked up to him.

He had like a big group of people with him.

When I tell you, I got fucking body checked by this bodyguard.

He was like, ma'am, no.

And I was like, I was like, oh, I was, I was like, oh, okay.

And I was so embarrassed.

He like literally shoved me.

And to make matters worse, one of the girls with him, who I think worked for Paramount Plus, like was a toaster.

So she was like, turdeloo.

And I was like, hey, like, can you tell them I'm like not a freak trying to storm the Bastille?

Like, I just get like a pick with Taylor.

And she was like, yeah, no, I'll work on it.

And then I never saw her again.

And Taylor walked away.

And he didn't even look me in the eyes when he like literally fully ignored me.

And I was like, Taylor Sheridan.

And the bodyguard like literally,

like fully chest bumped me.

And I just like stood there like a fucking loser being like, oh, okay.

Bye.

That's not that bad.

That's really not that bad.

No, no.

It happens every day to people.

To have been there, like, it was humiliating.

I'm sure like you felt.

humiliated because like you're kind of a big star.

No, I just wanted to meet Taylor Sheridan.

Like it wasn't even hurt your ego.

It wasn't a star to star thing.

I think it was an ego thing.

It wasn't a star.

It wasn't an S to S, you know?

Yeah.

It was just like chill.

Like come on.

You don't like that.

There are more famous people here.

Yeah.

Maybe not.

Since I was the only one that you

couldn't have been the only person feeling that way.

You know who else I saw?

This means nothing to you, but it'll mean something to the toasters.

Carrie Dubeck.

I don't know what his real name is, but remember I was telling you about that HBO show that I think you would like, the other two, with the two kids.

He plays like the older gay son who like can't get arrested in Hollywood.

He just like wants to be a star.

And he was there.

He was actually there with Lucy Hale the whole time.

I saw him.

I actually saw him two separate days.

Did you say hi?

No.

You just admire from afar.

I admired from afar.

I like did want to say hi to Lucy Hale because her and I actually follow each other on Instagram, but I was like really drunk and she had just like spoken about being sober and I didn't want to be like sloppy McGee on her.

Great call.

Yeah, it was actually an acutely self-aware moment for me.

And you're nothing if not self-aware.

Nothing if not.

So I did like have regrets that I didn't get to see Lucy Hale, but I thought it would be best for like both of our mental health if I just stayed away.

Yeah, for the relationship.

Yeah.

Stay intact.

Yeah, yeah.

So there's always an extra follow.

Right, right, right.

But she, fun fact, was with Carrie Duback.

I wonder how they know each other.

Industry, you know, you know how it is.

Industry is going to industriize.

Yeah.

All right.

So it's not that bad?

No, not at all.

You had to pick it up.

I had to pick the whole day.

Like, why?

Just like the way this bodyguard, like,

I was a fugitive.

No, but that's like the part of the experience of being a fan.

Like, sometimes it exceeds your expectations and like you get a picture and the person's so nice.

And other times like you get blocked out by a bodyguard.

It was just hurtful, like honestly.

I just feel like that really has never happened to you and if not,

if it has, it's been a really long time and like you're backstage in the artist section and you didn't think it was going to happen like there like that.

It actually happened

at the SNL after party that me and Margaret went to for Luke Holmes.

Like the bodyguard was like, no.

And then Luke was like, let him in.

You know, Luke really came to our rescue.

It was really kind of sweet and chivalrous.

And it was like had potential to be embarrassing.

I was like, excuse me, like we're friends of Luke.

Yeah.

And I know that guy was just doing his job.

So no hard feelings, sir.

Have you ever heard of Yosemite?

Yeah, it's like, ever heard of the toast?

Yeah.

Skedaddle, sir.

But Taylor Sheridan's

bodyguard could not be swayed by the power of the toast.

I believe that.

And you know what?

We have our limitations.

I think that's always good to propel us and to inspire us and encourage us to work harder.

We actually have a lot of Yellowstone news today.

I knew I was just going to ask you if we do.

Maybe this will be the episode that somehow gets on his radar.

I don't know.

It just, it was, it was hurtful.

You didn't want to like make a TikTok being like, I met an A-list

producer, creator of a show about a ranch.

And his bodyguard assaulted me.

You didn't want to do that?

It went viral.

Maybe now I do.

No, it's too late.

No, I know.

Because I already named you.

I already said who it was.

And you told the whole story.

Yeah.

Next time.

So that's something that happened to me.

That's just been kind of like weighing heavy on my heart.

Let it go.

Like, you didn't do anything wrong.

No, it was.

You shot your shot.

yeah and you missed and that happens yeah no i wouldn't say i missed i would say it was honestly taylor sheridan's loss like i'm a delight to talk to yeah but sometimes you go up to a celebrity and like they're just not in the mood or you can't access them like it is what it is has it happened to you I don't like going up to people.

I know.

Even if I saw literally Kelly Clarkson, I had no desire to go up to her.

Yes, you would.

No, you would make me.

Yeah, of course.

If I was just me, I would not.

Like by yourself.

Yeah, no, it was kind of like a crazy rogue.

I guess maybe I did look like a little bit of a threat.

Like I was like kind of drunk and I was like running around.

It's all about perspective.

If I was a bodyguard, I think I would have checked me too.

Yeah.

Okay.

That was very self-aware of me.

Very good.

Thank you.

So we've got a Rachel.

We've got Dear Toasters.

We've got, like you said, some Yellowstone news, some good stories.

But before we dive in, Jax, what's new with you?

Not too much.

Not too much.

We're recording the Redheads today, which I'm really excited about.

We read The Magnolia Palace.

It's about a girl named Lanolia.

And

she lives in New York City with her mother, Margo.

Oh, I was like, what?

No, I'm kidding.

It's actually not about a girl named Magnolia.

It's about the Frick family in the Frick collection.

Cool.

Frick.

I think Magnolia.

I'm not going to Frick.

I don't think actually, I was talking to Snitch last night.

I actually don't think Magnolia Palace was like the right title.

They were kind of like shoehorning the Magnolia thing in.

Yeah.

It should have been called, Oh, Frick.

Love that.

Or

frickin' awesome.

Yeah.

I don't know the context of what the book is about, but like.

It's historical fiction.

It was really good.

I'm really excited to record with the girlies.

Freaking history.

Next month is my choice.

I was literally researching books last night until like my eyes hurted.

It's so, so much pressure.

Actually, in my real-life book club, Mike Turn is coming up.

Diminishing?

No, no, yours is digital.

I don't know.

It just felt shady.

Really?

At least you make money from your book club.

Like, I don't.

That's true.

How about okay.

Mine.

Okay.

Yours is a revenue-producing book club.

It's a pro bono book club.

Literally.

Well, Red Heads has been pro bono for many a year.

Right.

You had to build, you know, the audience and the community before you could really start.

To monetize.

Yeah.

Well, my turn is coming up in like a month or two.

And when I tell you, the pressure is real.

Because when you choose a book for a book club, you're not choosing like whatever your next read would be.

Yeah.

It's like there are so many different facets.

It's like, how is this book going to make me look to other people?

What are people going to think of me with this book?

What does our book club need?

Where Where are the gaps in what we've been reading?

So true.

So true.

So I feel like I found a book that will be really fun to read.

It's the reviews are saying it's Giving Evelyn Hugo.

Oh.

And I feel good about it because I like it.

And that's all you needed to say.

Yeah.

What are you going to choose?

Where are you headed?

So I've been pretty much set on doing The Soulmate by Sally Hepworth, but I know you're about to read it.

So it would be helpful if you could like vet it for me.

When do you need to know by?

I think there's someone else next and then me.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

That's what I'm reading next.

But I wasn't going to choose that for the Redheads because I feel like we've been reading a lot of thrillers recently.

We haven't.

And actually, like, we can't get arrested in our book club.

Like, every book is worse than the next.

Everyone, I think, is like trying too hard, you know?

Yeah.

The last book was just, but it was such a fun book club because we were just like roasting this book.

It was so bad that it actually made like some other books look good, you know?

That can happen.

So we're in a rut.

And I do believe the book that we chose this month that Margot Ostray has been raving about on the things we left unfinished or something.

The things in left that were left unfinished.

Yeah.

They were unfinished when we in which we left them.

My friend Margot Fish chose it because Margot Oshre raved so hard about it.

She raved so hard about it.

So, I mean, if Margot Oshre lets Margot Fish down, Margot Fish will never forget it.

So hopefully that'll be good and bring us out of our rut.

Right, but I do understand how when it's your turn next, you do need to do something new.

Like definitely not historical fiction.

Thriller is always good.

And that's Sally Hepbarth, and she always writes a good thriller.

And I would love to introduce my girl Sally to my book club.

Yeah, because then they can do younger wife, mother, mother-in-law, good sister.

Exactly.

Like, she has so many good books.

And then her, you know what?

Never mind.

I'm not going to finish that sentence.

I'll let everyone see the project.

That's kind of like a secret.

Like a secret project, yeah.

And then, speaking of books, I'm sure this isn't a story, but I only saw this last night.

There was some more casting news, and in the end, it ends with us movie casting.

And I don't know why I didn't get as much hype.

And you and I didn't even get to talk about it.

There were two bits of casting news.

We reported it when Margot was on the toast, and I was so excited.

That guy from 1923.

Yes.

Did you watch 1923?

No.

Okay, well, all you need to know is like he's the hottest man alive.

Yeah, and he's playing Atlas.

Atlas, who's the PJOM.

Boy Back Home?

Yeah.

Okay, cool.

So I thought that was a great casting.

And then they just announced that Jenny Slate is playing Alyssa, who is Ryle's sister.

Okay, she gives like, you know, that quirky friend energy.

Yeah, but that's not like really what Alyssa's like this really maternal, like rational,

level-headed sis who knows her brothers like the worst yeah but in Hollywood they just turn it into like a quirky friend yeah that's true I think I mean the comments were fucking brutal and I don't know if they're really

you can't win when you're casting like a movie for a book that people love like they just feel like nothing's gonna be right so I don't know if the comments mean anything I just think everyone is really shocked at how across the board they're casting much older and the whole casting to me is kind of a flop yeah um

so i actually think compared to some of the other choices, like Jenny Slate is a very good choice.

Yeah.

And I'm kind of like writing off the movie.

Like, I'm going to watch it when it comes out because it's going to be really exciting.

I'm excited for Koho and for the readers.

And this is a big moment for all of us.

But I'm no longer like as excited as I once was because it's just us and feel it's not the way I saw it.

No, Sue.

It's not how Sue sees it.

And maybe like the lesson here is just leave the books to Rhys Wetherspoon.

Yeah.

Except Daisy Jones.

But Daisy Jones was good.

It was good.

But there were a few casting mistakes.

Just one, actually.

But it wasn't even that.

There was something about it that was like,

I don't know, just kind of corny, like not authentic to the time.

Hmm.

Hot tune.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Like it was very like Free People 70s collection.

Like not really like...

So Free People.

The costumes were not.

giving.

Oh, by the way, speaking of, one person we forgot to recap at the Met Gala in terms of her look was Cami Marone.

Yes.

And I absolutely loved what she wore.

Like it was, she's so everything.

She's so everything.

She, I think I would have liked anything she wore because I was just like happy that she was there and she's beautiful and can wear anything.

And I thought she looked really beautiful.

She's an it girl of the moment right now.

Yeah.

She was so good in Daisy Jones.

I wonder why Riley Keel wasn't at the Met Gala.

It's like a year for her.

Yeah.

She's Elvis's, you know.

Mm-hmm.

Maybe she is busy.

Maybe she just didn't want to go.

Respect.

So yeah, that's what I wanted to share.

Tyler Sheridan and

It Ends With Um It Ends Was.

Oh, and when I was like stalking the It Ends With Us casting, I found that Colleen Hoover followed me on Instagram.

I don't know when.

Wow, it's now you have to watch what you say.

I know.

Oh my god, so much pressure.

Except they say mostly flattering things.

I've read every single one of her books.

While this movie is about her book, it's like, I'm not insulting her.

No, no.

And I feel like writers, I feel like it must be really hard, you know, aside from all the money and the celebrity and everything.

Accolades.

As an artist, it's probably really hard to have your book turned into a movie and like all the changes that they make.

And you're just like, it's like.

There's your baby.

And a lot of times like they don't want the author a part of the project because the author's so connected to it.

And while that sucks, I feel like it's almost better.

Like just, you know what?

You made your money.

Take the money and run.

Yeah.

It's like the last season of Dynasty.

Liam's book is being turned into a movie.

And they keep it.

Of course it is.

And they keep pushing him out.

And he's really struggling with that.

So now I feel like I can relate to that experience.

Yeah.

You know what?

I'm sure it was like hyper-realistic.

Yeah.

I don't know.

It's definitely a push and pull.

What can I say?

Yeah.

I mean, maybe we'll write a book one day that they turn into a movie.

But that's why I think Reese is so good at what she does because she expects the integrity of books and movies.

And I think she knows really well what scenes have to be in here, like what's going to translate.

And what's like, that's kind of book things.

Like, shut up with that.

Yeah.

She's like so like the book girl that everyone else should like stop trying.

No, I think people should keep trying.

That That way we get more books turned into movies.

Yeah, yeah, that's true.

They just should get better.

Right.

They should try harder.

They should do better.

Hashtag do better.

Per usual.

So we've got a great show.

I feel like we could dive in.

What do you think?

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Yeah.

I mean, I guess you are too, baby number two.

Okay, are you ready for our first story?

One and two kind of go hand in hand because it's a lot of yellow shown.

First, Kevin Costner's wife, Christine, has filed for divorce after 18 years of marriage.

According to TMZ,

she filed to end their marriage on Monday, citing irreconcilable differences.

In her filing, she asked for joint custody of their three kids.

However, she did not ask for spousal support as TMZ reports that there is a prenup in place.

Oh, damn.

So,

split spill for Kevin Costner.

Yeah, which of course, you know, Hollywood, Hollywood, like, it's not a big deal for people to get divorced, but this is just coming off the heels of like a lot of rumors about Kevin Costner.

Maybe he's like kind of a difficult person and now this, and he won't film Yellowstone.

So, maybe he's been dealing with some personal issues, which is why we literally are never getting the second half of season five.

The timing is sus.

It is sus.

Or she's like, you won't go back to Yellowstone.

I'm leaving you.

Like, you ruined my favorite show.

Honestly, relatable.

Yeah.

And she's like, oh, oh, you want to go back to Yellowstein?

I don't even want Yellowstein.

I love it.

You're not going back to Yellowstone?

I don't even want your spouse's support.

That's how disgusting I think you are for ruining my favorite show.

Right.

Or their spouse's support is built into their prenup and there's nothing to ask for because it's already been settled.

Yeah.

I mean, while Hollywood marriages are fickle and, you know, fleeting.

And Kevin Costner is like, no, this is like a real marriage.

They have kids 18 years.

Like, this is like someone's parents getting divorced.

So it's not like, oh, whatever, you know, it's sad.

But maybe Kevin's going through something.

Yeah.

I don't know if this pushes him closer to Yellowstone or further away.

I'm going to venture and say further away.

Because also it's like, she was the one who filed.

Yeah.

But maybe he needs his crew now more than ever.

Yeah.

He needs to get back on the round.

Or maybe like being on a show that's so wholesome and family-oriented is like actually triggering for him.

Maybe.

Or maybe he's like, I'm going to win you back and I'm going to give you the best second half of season five you've ever seen.

Mm.

That's a very interesting tactic.

Yeah.

I think that could work.

This is, yeah, this is sad.

I hope they get back together.

It's sad.

It also just seems like nobody wants to work these days.

Like, get your fucking ass up and go film Yellowstone season two.

Season five, part two.

Yeah.

It's kind of, that's what Kim was talking about.

She was just like a little ahead of her time.

She had secret insider information about Yellowstone.

I just watched the episode of Kardashian season two where she's getting backlash.

She's getting backlash.

And it's so crazy because at the time it was like so big and so loud and like people were taking, you know, she said like, advice for women in business, like get your fucking ass up and work.

Like her advice was work hard yeah you know she said it in like a tone stricter tone but she said if you want to be successful work hard but that was the message and that that was so controversial and like the way that people like took it and they were like well you know how could you say that after a year where women are this and that it's like she just said work hard right and that was a like a time where in in um the culture you could not talk about work

like if you were talking about like working from home versus back to office,

if you were talking about working hard, there was like a, like I want to say a year where like a hot button issue was the topic of working hard versus like working not hard and remote versus office.

Like remember when Jackie literally like people were like,

that was like a weird time.

And so what she said was in conversation.

I don't know if we're out of that time.

We just like haven't had a conversation about like work or I don't want to scare anyone.

I'm like trigger warning back to office.

We haven't spoken about those things in a while.

So I don't think that the tone really has changed.

I just think we haven't, it hasn't come up.

That is and was, if we're in it, like such a weird thing.

Like people were so triggered by those conversations to the point where they were like canceling people like him for, so what she said like wasn't bad at all, but it was in the context of what we now know as like the, what it just a weird time for conversations about work.

It was weird.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But like it was weird to watch it back with just perspective because when we say this all the time like like I'll think about someone's like cancer or someone got backlashed or something and when we're in it even as us like as spectators it feels like the biggest deal in the world and oh my god I can't believe they did that and then like you think about it a year or two later and it's like

it's it's okay.

Like it's it's fine like someone made a mistake but like it's okay.

Yeah, no, I think about that a lot with Hannah Brown from The Bachelor like because she was on Instagram live and she was singing a song from TikTok that had the N-word in it and she like mouthed it slash said it and she like took a hiatus and and she shouldn't have mouthed it.

We all know, like, that's not our word, but it was like an accident.

She didn't use it as a slur be like, hey, you know, right?

She wasn't used in any sort of derogatory way.

She was just saying a song that she like got had heard so many times on TikTok.

It's honestly like a mistake that anybody could have made when you listen to a song so much.

And

it was so crazy.

But it was also COVID, right?

Yeah.

So it was like things were heightened.

But when you look back on it now, it's like, well, she's not a bad person.

She just like accidentally said something she shouldn't have said.

She's not necessarily saying something.

Right.

She didn't even say something, saying,

right.

saying why are you saying it like that exactly just like emphasizing it say the g singing sang saying people you know people have issues with the way i yeah because you're trying to emphasize sang and you're still saying sang but that's not their issue with me their issue with me is when i say anything that ends in ing

it sounds like the i add a k at the end okay so say something i'm going to the store so it's like going yeah actually i did kind of hear it i'm i'm now under i used to not be able to understand like what they were pointing out now i understand it i don't hear it the way that other people do, but I can acknowledge that it's real.

Well, that's something I dealt with this weekend.

Everyone was like, Claudia and Margo say Shannon so weird.

Okay.

I'm like, Shannon.

Shannon.

What?

Yeah, no, I don't know.

People were like, not the northern.

Rosemary Shanahan.

Yep.

Literally.

People are like, the northern, like Shannon.

What else?

How does Shannon say it?

I don't know.

Shannon?

Shannon.

Rosemary Shanahan.

It's Rosemary Shanahan.

It's giving Rosemary Shanahan who she's getting into his Clam's Casino.

Make it stop.

I don't know if there will ever be a day where I'll go to a restaurant and see that they have Clam's Casino and not slam my hands on the table and say, hey, now she's getting into my Clam's Casino.

I think that you need to try Clam's Casino once.

I know it's not Cochrane's coach.

And it looks fucking disgusting.

But if you're ever like having a cheap day.

Fine, fine.

Like just, I might just order it so I can like redo it.

You'll know what it feels like.

And then Ben will get into into yours, and so you'll know what it feels like to have someone getting into your climbs casino.

Because I imagine it's quite devastating.

I imagine it's traitorous.

Yeah,

I guess we'll never know.

How did we get here?

How did we get here?

How'd we get out?

Are you ready for our next story?

Yeah.

More Yellowstone news because when one ship sinks, another one sets sail.

Yellowstone fans are reeling after two of the stars are confirming their their real-life romance I saw this but they were like two irrelevant so like who cares they're not they are but the fact that they are dating because they date on the show it's all cute so it's Ryan Bingham and Hassie Harrison you probably don't know them by their real names but it's the guy with the guitar who was almost um

killed who was almost killed like they got him from prison what's his name um i don't know

And the girl who used to sleep with Lloyd, who then went over to

Brandy or something.

She's like a harlot.

Like she was friends with that brunette girl who who was the fucking worst.

Yeah, for Jimmy.

Who dated Jimmy?

Yeah, they were like these two.

What do they call them?

Like a bunny.

Okay, their names are Laramie and Walker.

Laramie.

And Walker, yeah.

Cute.

A bunny, yeah.

They call them like a rodeo bunnies or, you know, but bunny bunnies.

Something.

Whatever.

Cute.

Like, we don't get enough Yellowstone romance like on set.

Also, did you see?

I can't remember anyone's name from Yellowstone.

I don't know why it's killing me.

Casey's wife.

What's her name?

Monica.

Is it Monica?

Tate's mom.

Yeah, I think it's Monica.

Okay.

It just feels like that's let's just say for argument's sake, her name is Monica.

Okay.

She was at the Metala.

Did you see her?

No.

She was snatched.

Like

so gorgeous.

Yes, her name is Monica.

And now let's see her.

She wore this like red dress and she has a new short haircut.

Like it was really...

It was working.

It was giving high fashion.

It was giving elegance.

Wow.

Doesn't she look great?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God.

She looks awesome.

Yeah.

I didn't see like an any fanfare for her.

She wasn't in the Vogue article.

That's so cool.

Yeah.

Happy for her.

But like, where's Rip?

Rip should be at

where's Beth.

Where's Beth?

Where's Beth and Rip?

They should be there.

And that's a miss.

I know.

And like, Cole Hauser is married to like a lovely woman.

And I have nothing against her, but they're not right for each other because she's not Beth.

Yeah.

But I just feel like in real life, like Cole isn't Rip and Beth isn't Beth.

oh, I actually I don't think Beth is Beth.

Yes, Beth is Australian.

Yeah, something like that.

I think Colehauser like if you see his Instagram like it's all about like the troops and whiskey like he's so rip, but I also feel like maybe at the beginning when he was cast like he wasn't rip, but then like you're playing this guy and you're like inspired by him.

And how do you not fall in love with him?

And how do you not want to just become him?

It's like well I could I could dress like this.

You know, I don't have to go back to my old hair color.

No, I think even if it's not like in a physical sort of aesthetic way that he's leaning into rip, like wearing the coats and the boots, I think in his heart, he's definitely like turned.

You can't play an actor.

I'm sorry, nobody's that good of an actor.

You know, you can't play a character that well without it being part of who you are.

Yeah, but I also think like art can imitate life and you could play influence.

You could play someone so amazing that they have a lasting impact on you.

Completely agree.

I feel like people say that all the time.

Usually they're playing like real-life characters.

Yeah.

You know, I think like Jessica Chassis was saying that when she was playing Tammy Faye.

I mean, that definitely happened to me when I auditioned for that episode of Law and Order.

Like, I.

It made you want to move to Pensacola.

It made me want to move to Pensacola.

Like, that character, who was a girl who facilitated a murder on the internet, because she was just like a troll who took it too far.

It was inspiring for you.

It was inspiring because, you know, she was deeply misunderstood, you know, and I saw that in the character.

And that's probably why I didn't get the role.

And every time that episode airs, like, it's painful for me, but I'm so endlessly inspired by the character.

And I think that made me, it's part of who she's definitely got a little turdy loo in her, you know

She was turdy Lou.

She was so turning

before turdy was born.

No, she was like turning loo if turdy loo like had taken a different route in life like

you know things happen to us and they change who we are and you could either let it take you down a dark path and that's what would have happened that episode of Lawn Otter like that's who I would have become if all the things in my life all the adversity I faced let me you know I let it take me down but instead I ended up here instead you followed the light yeah and I let it change me for the better and grow from that.

So that's really beautiful.

It's kind of like that movie Sliding Doors.

Like

the girl from Pensacola on that episode of Law and Otter is who I would have turned into if I didn't get on the train.

But I got on the train and here's who I am now.

Turdy Lou.

So you're saying.

Yeah, right.

All roads lead back to Turtle.

100%.

So you also see, speaking of Jessica Chastity, and that she dyed her hair.

Yeah.

It was like, it was cool.

Yeah.

I miss, I liked the better red.

Well, of course.

No, but sometimes like people do something crazy.

I'm like, love it.

Yeah, no, it was cool for the moment.

Like, I don't think she's in a play, so she can't.

Do you think it was a wig?

No, no, I'm.

Because redheads, like, can't really dye their hair.

You can't really get your color back.

But it did not look like a wig.

Unless her red is not, unless she's not a natural redhead, which we've had this conversation before.

Yeah.

I believe that she is, but I could also like

see us being shocked that she's not.

Also, speaking of redheads, this is so random, and I'm sure it wasn't picked as a story, but did you see Sophie Turner's thing on Instagram?

So she posted a statement and she was like, I,

you all know, like, Joe and I don't post our kids.

Like, we really respect their privacy.

Um, I accidentally posted a video on my stories of, I think, our daughter.

Um, and I'm asking, like, you not repost it and publish it on any websites or whatever.

I'm sure she was like trying to maybe post it on close friends or something.

And she had posted it for like a few minutes and it got out there.

And I guess like people were sending it around.

But you know what?

I have to say, I have not seen it anywhere.

Not seen it, not heard this story.

And it's giving me faith.

That's great.

Yeah.

Wow.

She must have had such a pit.

Yeah.

Like accidentally posting on social media something you didn't want to post is literally the biggest anxiety-inducing thing, but then having it be your child level 10.

Yeah, well, that's good.

Yeah, that people are

respecting it.

Yeah, nice.

Yeah.

Well, anyways, happy for this couple.

I hope that, you know, this means like the set of Yellowstone is

I mean, they're like thriving.

Yeah.

But like, they're not even on set.

They're not working.

I think that they are.

You think they're filming the stuff without Kevin Costner?

I think that nobody knows what's going on.

Yeah.

And I think that a lot of it is rumors and gossip.

Maybe that's why Taylor Sheridan's bodyguard body checked me.

He didn't want me to get in the scoop.

Yeah.

I think that there's a good chance that like Yellowstone is hunky-dory and that everyone just wants to take them down.

So true.

And even if it's not hunky-dory, it's not like this cluster fuck that we're all speculating that it is where like no one can work.

Yeah.

I think it's going to be fine.

For sure, but like where there's smoke, there's fire.

I don't know.

Like it's not like they're filming in L.A.

Like who's going checking on Montana?

What's going on?

Maybe we should.

Like, and it's like the New York Post is the one who keeps reporting like, do you have boots on the ground in Montana?

Such a good question.

Such a good question.

And I don't want to fucking hear it.

Such a good question.

So just a little skepticism.

She said what she said.

Goes a long way.

100%.

Are you ready for our next story?

Someone who's really just having a renaissance in my eyes this year is James Corden.

I would agree.

Because he's explaining why he thinks it's time and why it is time for him to bid goodbye to the late late show.

So he did an interview with Howard Stern on Sirius XM.

Always a great place to redeem yourself.

And it wasn't even about Howard.

Howard just asked a question.

He was like, I read a rumor that you were offered $50 million to stay in late night.

Like, confirm or deny.

And James did not deny it.

And he said, you know, like...

the money, it's a lot to walk away from, but that ultimately his decision for terminating his tenure as host revolves entirely around his family.

He's worried about his parents aging and how little time he has left with them.

And so he wants to move back to the UK to be with them so that like when his dad calls him up, like, let's go to lunch, he can just go.

So that's really why he's leaving.

Oh my God, that's like so, that endears me to him greatly.

It was like all about his family and his parents and just like making the most of the time that they have left.

And like no amount of money.

could give you time back with your parents.

Right.

Like, it's priceless.

Ugh, that's such a relatable thing.

I feel like that's the hardest hardest part about getting older.

It's like, that's what like me and my friends are always talking about.

It's like just seeing your parents grow older and like knowing like you have the emotional intelligence and maturity to be like, you know, life is short.

Time is limited.

It's like, it's so sad.

And that's, honestly, I can't believe James Corden still has parents.

Like, how fucking old is he?

So so relatable.

And it's true.

Like, you think, how could anyone walk away from $50 million?

For your family, you'd walk away from anything.

Yeah.

No, and it's like, would you pay, like, you know, I feel like when you ask people like who have lost loved ones, it's like, would you pay any amount of of money to have even one day to get like together again?

And they would.

And like, nothing would be worth losing that time.

But it's not often that someone like has that perspective.

I know, before time.

Before it's too late.

And someone who's like so successful and like on this hamster wheel where you could always be like, oh, I'll do that then.

I'll buy them a house.

It's fine.

Yeah.

So to walk away from all of that, I think is really commendable.

And I'm sure a part of him, even though this is totally me, is just kind of like, fuck you all.

Like, I think that James Corden is actually a really good person.

And I think he had some, you know, the balthazar and the eggs and I think he was

That's another situation where when at the time it was like he sent back his eggs and was rude to the music We got so in it like we couldn't see out and now in hindsight I actually think that like the whole story was kind of

a lie

not a lie, but like I don't trust that Balthazar guy.

Also, I like saw a headline.

He was talking about

the Balthazar guy was talking about Adele's carpool karaoke saying that she looked like Cruella Devil and that they're both profoundly inauthentic and called the episode the biggest pile of horseshit he's seen in 40 years.

Oh, so he's kind of like a troll.

He's kind of like not self-reputable.

I just want to be like with my pitchforks.

Yeah, we all were.

Plant our flag in there.

So I feel like between like the petitions to get James Corden off of movies, you know, everybody like ran to like take up their pitchforks against him because he sent his wife's eggs back.

Right.

He's like, fuck you, USA.

I'm going to go be with my parents.

You know what?

I feel that completely.

And he got into this,

it's like the Ann Hathaway circuit.

Like you're just, oh my God.

Oh, I forgot to tell you this.

When I was at stage coach, like on during one of the days where I was just recovering, I watched John Mulaney's comedy special.

Okay.

It's all about his

intervention,

his time at rehab, and now like remission or whatever it's called.

Recovery?

Recovery.

Thank you.

It was excellent.

It was hysterical.

It was like very, he had been like extremely humbled and like was really funny about it.

And something he said that really stuck with me, he was like,

you know, I relapsed and got divorced and now my reputation is different.

And he said, likability is a prison because he was like this guy.

Everybody just loved him.

Jan Lenny, John Lenny.

Like they really put him on a pedestal.

And then he just did, he did one thing, like he got divorced.

And I don't know what the timeline.

Everyone was like, oh, but he got divorced.

Like that's a personal choice in his life.

He's allowed to get divorced.

And now he's the devil.

And everyone's like, he's a harlot.

Like, and he knows that that's what people say about him.

And he was actually really self-aware.

And likability is a prison.

That's what happened to James Corden.

Yeah.

And that's what happened to Anne Hathaway.

Like, likability is a prison.

Taylor Swift.

Taylor Swift.

People like you.

And then they have to.

It's just like human nature.

They have to dislike you.

They have to destroy you.

And then you do something that, because you're a person and not every choice that you're going to, you're making is going to line up with

what people want for you.

Yeah.

But you have to do what's best for you.

And you upset them.

And it's just, it's so disappointing.

And it's a snow.

Like, it's not like you disappoint them and then everyone moves on and back.

It's like, well, it was that.

And then they disappointed me again.

And they just look for things.

Like ability is a prison.

I thought it was like the most profound thing I'd ever heard.

That's why we're free, Claude.

Because nobody likes us.

Woohoo!

And actually, the special, you should watch it.

Like, I know you have downtime.

It was very funny and very good.

He doesn't really talk about the divorce as much.

He just referenced the fact that he got divorced.

He doesn't talk about like, you know.

Olivia Moon.

Olivia.

And Anna Marie.

She conceived.

But he talks all about his intervention like in great detail and like great detail about his addiction, like how much, what drugs he was doing, how much he was doing, how much money he was spending, how he was getting, because the first time he went into recovery, he told his accountant, like, you're not allowed to give me money.

Like if.

If I ask you for money, my doctor has to be CC'd on the email.

Like his money was like locked up, but he realized he had this credit card and he was using Venmo.

Like it was, it was actually just really interesting, like, how he outsmarted himself.

It's very good.

And it was just, it was also funny.

Okay, cool.

Yeah.

I have to do it.

Have you watched his stuff before?

No.

I'm not a John Mulaney girl.

So I just wonder if it's like funnier than what he was doing before.

Same amount of funny or like,

yeah, I don't know.

I think maybe

before.

I was never really drawn to him because it was like, everybody loves John Mulaney.

John Mulaney is so great.

I'm like, okay, whatever.

But now he's been like humbled.

He's just like the rest of us.

He makes mistakes.

He's not perfect.

This like everyone loves.

Much more interesting.

It's much more interesting when people are flawed.

And he was so self-aware.

Like, it was really good.

I highly recommend.

It's called Baby J.

Okay, cool.

Thank you for that.

Yeah, welcome.

Oh, and he was talking about how, like, he was so nervous when he got to rehab.

Like, everyone was going to know him.

Like, oh my God, it's like humiliating.

And not one person recognized him to the point where he was like angry about it.

And he would like buy newspapers with his face in it and leave it across the facility.

He was there for like three months.

He was there for a long time.

That's funny.

That's like James Marsden in the one episode.

Exactly.

Of the jury.

Yeah.

Of the world jury.

That's what it should have been called.

Yeah.

Because James Marsden is low-key in 30 Rock.

That's who Liz ends up with.

It's her boyfriend.

Of course.

What's his name?

Carol?

Or is that?

No.

He has a girl's name.

No, the other.

Matt Damon is Carol.

It has a girl's name.

What's James Marsden's name?

Let me Google it.

All of her boyfriends had such fucking weird names.

She

had a boyfriend.

Jason Sadegis, James Marsden, John Hamm.

John Hamm.

That episode was great.

James Marsden 30 Rock.

What is his name?

His name was Chris Cross.

Yeah, yeah.

So good.

What were we talking about?

Originally, James Gordon.

Oh, likability is a prison.

So you know what?

I agree with you.

He's free now, and he's like, fuck you all, bitch.

I'm out.

And I have mad respect for that.

Not like, thank you guys for accepting me back.

I'm back.

Okay, let me take my $50 million.

I'll be back on TV every night trying to make you laugh.

No, likeability is a prison.

So I respect him.

Hopefully he'll be at the coronation this weekend.

Yes.

Oh, I also

apparently say coronation.

You do.

It's

coronation.

Caronation.

Okay.

It's coronation day.

I heard it that time.

Okay.

Coronation is this weekend, May 6th, Snitch's birthday for her birthday.

She is getting a King Charles Cavalier Spaniel.

Hopefully it'll be a beautiful sunny day in London, a spring day.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm excited for the fanfare.

For the performances.

For the performances to see who's there.

I'm excited.

I'm going to get swept up.

Why not?

Why not?

What else are you doing?

You can't come to Taylor Swift.

Yeah.

Might as well get swept up in a global affair.

Right.

Even though like a title.

All right.

All right.

Let the party dump.

That's such a good song.

Such a good song.

I'm really shook because I told you I wrote, I read that short story by Jessica Simpson and like I've been thinking about it a lot and like it's literally about Mark Wahlberg.

Like it is like the timeline lines up.

She talks about it.

Can you give a little backstory for everyone, what you're referring to?

Jessica Simpson wrote like a 30-page book, which you should read because it counts towards your reading goal.

And it takes 30 minutes to read.

And it's good.

And she's a great writer.

And she has cute stories.

And it's a true story about

her dating an actor.

Her, like, just like dalliance with.

Her what?

What does that mean?

Like, it wasn't dating.

It was like, yeah, flaying like a short affair.

Dalliance.

All right, I'm going to try and add that one to my repertoire.

It's a dalliance with an actor who she like loved when she was a

like a small child.

Not that small, but like she was a fan of his and then she became famous and like he's A-list then, A-list now, A-list back in the day, and how they like got kind of like swept up in each other.

He invited her, he was filming a movie on the East Coast.

He took her with him

and just wanted her to wait around the hotel room all day to like fuck or something.

I don't think they never had sex.

And then she found out that he was married, that he was.

in a relationship the whole time.

So it was just like, that's it.

Right.

It's about Mark Wahlberg.

That's what the internet pretty much decided.

Like, but also,

based on everything she said, like, it's about Mark Walberg.

It's crazy that, like, it's figured out.

Yeah.

And it's just like, we're all like, we all know Mark Wahlberg.

Yeah.

No, like, there were so many crumbs that she left.

Like, she was at the VMAs.

She said he was wearing jeans and a t-shirt that year.

He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

Then the movie he was filming on the East Coast, like he had to get permission from the director to let her come onto the set because like this director is known for like

a set.

I believe it was the departed Martin scorsese like this director is known and it was on the east coast but it wasn't it was outside new york city they filmed in boston

like it was like jessica simpson was on the zed episode she wasn't even trying to like not tell us who it was you know yeah yeah and i just like

now that's all i think about when i see mark wahlberg i gotta read that book because it counts toward my reading goal you have to and i'm slacking on my reading goal you have like literally it will take you 30 minutes and it's really cute okay

now are you ready for our next story no because

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May 7th.

So the day after Coronation Day.

It's Coronation Day.

Are you ready for our next story?

Yeah.

Just getting hyped up because Vanderpump Rules is on tonight.

I left yesterday.

They dropped the trailer for the season finale, which like I just need immediately.

But it was weird because there was like this turnt, like leaked trailer going around.

And I don't know if it was real or not.

And then that's what prompted Bravo to be like, oh, you think you saw it?

Here it actually is.

Oh, was it AI?

I don't know what the fuck it was.

There's all this AI now.

I keep falling for AI.

I saw this video.

I saw this picture of a pope.

And you saw the picture of the pope in the puffer jacket.

Everyone was like, stylish pope.

I totally thought it was real.

That's so funny.

I also fell for a cover song of Kanye West singing, This Is Me Trying by Taylor Swift.

It was so real.

I guess you can like, it's AI is turned.

Like, it's so funny.

Not to get political, but I'm not here for it.

No, it's really crazy.

I think there's like a few cool things that people like uses for it.

Actually, there's probably a lot of like good uses for it, but I think there are a lot of nefarious ones.

I've been seeing a lot of like

cyber scams.

Like, I saw this woman who

she got a call like from her daughter

saying, hell, like, you know, that she was like being kidnapped.

I'm like, we ransomware.

Like, it's really fucking scary.

No, I'm not into it.

I think that the

cons outweigh the pros.

And now I'm just skeptical of everything I see.

But I also think that like some of the AI stuff that I've seen is like crappy.

Like I've heard other people like use my voice for AI.

Yeah.

And it doesn't sound like me 100%.

For sure.

I saw this TikTok of a guy like going up to people on the street, asking them what they do for a living and if they think their jobs could be replaced by AI.

And like pretty much every single person's could.

I was thinking that today.

Do you think our job could be replaced by AI?

No.

We're so unpredictable.

We're so unpredictable and our job is inherently creative

that, no, I don't.

No, but creative things can be replaced by AI.

They're making like AI van Gogh's and they look like Van Gogh.

Yeah, that's true.

Or like Picasso.

No, but like our, like, why our jobs are our jobs is because we are who we are.

Do you know what that means?

Like, do you think AI could become us?

They could study us long enough and hard.

Yes.

Yes, they could.

I don't think.

I would love to watch an AI episode of The Toast, to sit back, relax, enjoy.

I actually would too.

To be able to finally watch it as like a spectator.

Yeah, and see what they think think.

I would like, what would I say?

I'm so unpredictable, though.

It just really depends on how I woke up, like how I slept that night, you know.

Am I in a good mood?

Am I in a bad mood?

But AI wouldn't start to study those things, and they wouldn't.

It's turned.

It's turn.

It is really turnt.

So, anyways, I guess that first trailer was AI that you saw.

I don't know what it was, but that's what caused them to drop the real one.

Okay, well, in the teaser for the season 10 finale of Anner Pump Rules, which was filmed shortly after Scan of All leaked,

Ariana and Tom have a heated confrontation with Tom telling Ariana me and Raquel became like really good friends.

She's screaming at him.

I don't give a fuck about your fucking, about fucking Raquel.

Your friendship is fucking bullshit.

Sheena's crying.

Everyone's there.

It's crazy how the tone of it, which I didn't expect, is like Tom Sandoval like trying to explain

himself.

Not like grovel.

Yeah.

But narcissists, gonna narcissist.

She said, I regret ever loving you.

Obsessed.

They definitely definitely like cut stuff, right?

Like, I feel like we got to stand of Scandival quickly.

No, I don't think they cut it.

The finale is next week.

No, it is.

Yeah.

And the reunion is like end of May.

We're like almost there.

Okay.

No, I don't think they cut stuff.

We've been watching for a long time.

I know.

I just felt like there was going to be so much irrelevant stuff.

And it's like actually not.

And there really are like traces of Scandivall.

I think I'm going to talk about like the lead up to this, which is why I feel like when Scandivult broke, everyone was like, it was the craziest idea ever.

But it wasn't like that.

To them, it wasn't.

Like they, there were weird things happening, but I do think the fact, like, there's one thing to be like, you behaved inappropriately, and another thing to be like, you had to fucking blow your hair.

Yeah.

But see, wait, no, it does feel like things have cut because we just had Sheena's wedding and that was in August.

And then I regretted ever loving you was seven months later.

But they weren't filming the entire time.

Cameras went back up when Skype all broke.

Got it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just can't.

I think it does feel like it's coming to like a natural end.

Oh, it feels quick for me.

I'm like, they, oh, good, they took some damage.

That's what we're enjoying.

Yeah.

They said over and over again, they weren't editing the season.

Yeah.

Well, they didn't need to now that we know what we've seen.

Yeah, no, exactly.

Like there were traces of Scandival.

Yeah.

And the trailer looks really good.

Obviously, there was a big lead up and it's Kristen Doty.

And I just have to say, Kristen Doty is a queen.

And I'm sure her just hatred for Tom outweighs anything.

But like, it really is important to not forget like how Tom and Ariana started.

I do forget, like, because I think Ariana is like such a a great gal,

I, and I really feel like it was really just like one kiss at the golden nugget.

I like don't

see it as like a cheating situation, but like, I'm wrong for that.

Yeah, no, and it was never, they never admitted that they cheated, but like, Kristen was convinced, and everything Kristen, like, was called crazy for ended up, like, being true.

So, but I knew that already because Tom is horrible, right?

Right.

So, it's like, was it really this big affair or was it, they said their timeline was totally kosher.

I think there was a kiss and there was definitely like an emotional affair and like a really deep friendship and he was kind of like waiting to date her and she was waiting to date him.

But to me, like comparing Tom and Ariana's origin to Tom and Raquel, like it's apples and oranges.

Okay.

That's how I feel.

That's how Sue sees it.

Yeah.

But I could be wrong for that.

Well, if Sue sees it that way, then I choose to see it that way.

Yeah.

So Kristen is filming this very exciting for OG Vanderpurpros fan.

I don't think we ever thought we were gonna see her on TV again.

Yeah.

Suck a dick, Diana.

Suck a dick.

Well, it's on tonight.

But that trailer is not tonight.

No.

I think it's next week.

No, but tonight is gonna be good too.

They like go on a camping trip.

There's all the fallout from like, I actually watched so many, there were so many clips that dropped of what's gonna happen tonight.

They've been doing this thing, Bravo, where on social media they release the first seven minutes of a highly anticipated episode to like create hype.

And it's actually really smart.

Oh, I didn't know that's what was happening.

Yeah.

Like the first seven minutes for the last couple episodes.

I've been seeing like one-minute clips, like seven of them.

And I'm like, I feel like I watched the episode.

Right.

But it's like Lisa and Ken in their house telling Katie that Raquel slept at Tom's.

Then they go on this camping trip.

You see Tom try and lie about Raquel having slept there.

But Raquel's already told people because like I guess nothing really happened that time.

So she didn't like, she's have anything to hide.

She's also like a lot.

I mean, she actually winds up being a liar because she had a six-month affair.

But like whenever she's asked a question, like she's just like so far on the show.

You know what I mean?

It's like her naivete just answering honestly.

Yeah.

Like like not seeing how bad it makes her look right she doesn't like think to lie except about you know having an affair and then I think uh what was it someone said on watch what happens live like

at one point in this season like Ariana like goes to Raquel and they have a conversation about how like Ariana's worried about her relationship with Tom and she just confides in things he's cheating on her right

yeah yeah yeah and she just confides in and Raquel sits there stone-faced that's like true like mentally psychotic shit yeah

so we're getting there.

We're getting there.

It's very exciting.

It feels rewarding.

I felt like it would feel like this endless journey of like watching irrelevant stuff until we got to Sandaball.

No.

But honestly, this season, I have no bad things to say.

It's really, every episode has been amazing.

And honestly, I just caught up on the plane because last week I didn't get to recap it on the satchel of it all.

And I'm obsessed with it with it.

That's Margo's new name.

Like, why is his name Satchel?

I'm obsessed with Fimalee Falome.

It's so weird.

He looks 11.

He looks like a kid I went to NYU with.

I'm obsessed.

Like, I didn't think anything could make me more excited than Scandival, but Satchel.

Satchel greater than Scandivall.

Satchel is every.

I could watch the two of them for an eternity.

Like, when she said she was dating this younger guy, I just never expected him to look like that.

And they're literally perfect for each other.

They have to get married.

The satch.

The satch.

And I can't wait to see what he brings to the show.

If they really become an audience.

No, he brings a satchel.

Oh, he better bring a satchel.

I'm obsessed.

And like the hair parted down the middle.

It's just, it's too much.

It's like you.

That's like your hair.

Okay, don't be rude.

Don't be fucking rude.

You're wearing your hair down the middle too, bitch.

It's true, but like you're committed to the middle part life.

Okay.

And you and Satchel have that in common.

Shut the fuck up.

You're such a bitch.

I literally didn't even say anything.

I say that you wear a middle part like satchel.

Move on.

Like just move on before you really hurt me.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

Yes, I am because we have to dive into deer toasters.

Oh yeah, we do.

And this is just, you know, our funny,

our funny human interest story of the day.

A concert goer at the LA Philharmonic Performance reportedly had a loud and full body orgasm during

a performance of Tchaikovsky's Fifth Symphony.

It's what Tchaikovsky would have wanted.

It is.

And the music is like really stunning.

You know, there are like such freaks like that who are so into art.

Like they literally could give themselves an orgasm from just like a symphony.

I totally believe this.

Yeah, multiple attendees at Walt Disney Concert Hall reported hearing a moaning noise at one point during the performance.

It felt like there was a gasp in the audience, and rather a lovely expression of somebody who was so transported that it had some kind of effect on them.

A fellow concert goer described the moment as quite beautiful when speaking with the LA Times.

Yeah, I happen to think like public displays of like sex and intimacy are disgusting, but like something about this is so beautiful.

Like, I don't, I think I would start to orgasm with her.

I'm like, yes, queen, like, I don't find this gross at all.

No, I, well, I just read a quote that was like a little creepy.

I saw the girl after it happened.

I assumed that she had an orgasm because she was heavily breathing and her partner was smiling and looking at her.

Okay, don't make it disgusting.

Like, it was a nice story until like it wasn't.

Obviously, this girl got finger banged in the back, like her man.

No, but that's until I read that quote, I thought it was like the music over there.

And I feel like people don't have really an appreciation for classical music these days.

And I really am grateful that like, this woman to hear that somebody was brought to a climax, literally, because of his deep appreciation for Tchaikovsky, but the person with boots on the ground ruined it.

Just being like, it was like two disgusting people, like fingering each other in the back.

I didn't think it was that.

Maybe, like, he could have been smiling and not have had anything to do with it.

Maybe he was just like, maybe he also had an orgasm.

Maybe they're two like classical music aficionados.

But they would have reported on his

sounds.

What is like a performance that you would go to that would move you so deeply, that bring you to a climax?

Because mine would be Taylor playing piece May 6th in Nashville.

And that's why she won't play it.

Yeah, of course.

What would yours be?

Like, there's going to be kids there.

I'll be in a suite, so I'll be in the privacy.

What would mine be?

Like Kelly Clark's in a...

Yeah, maybe like.

maybe like, okay, I have another one of what mine would be.

If I had been in the audience when Kelly Clarkton performed piece by piece on American Idol, 100%.

I would have been brought to tears and climax that as well.

That's another thing I would have.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Totally.

Do you have an answer or no?

No, no.

I honestly, I don't.

I'm happy for the LA Philharmonic that they're in the headlines.

It's a great reminder.

Donate to your local Philharmonic.

And, you know, check out classical music.

Yeah.

Like, it's nice stuff.

And who knows what could happen for you if you go.

I skewed on it.

It's true.

Bless you.

Yeah.

I think this is actually really good press for

like.

What was the last time you supported the arts in that way?

Like at a Philharmonic or something?

Hmm.

Not recently, because like with COVID and everything, you know, blaming COVID.

No, there were a few things that I wanted to see, but then, you know, did you know?

COVID.

COVID.

What can I say?

It's not your fault.

It's not my fault.

But you know what is your fault?

Nothing.

True.

I was looking for a segue.

So speaking of segues.

But other people who are at fault are some people who

wrote into Deer Toaster.

So Deer Toasters, our weekly advice segment every Wednesday, we try and help the girlies out.

You can write into deartoasters at gmail.com to get something off your chest.

If you've written something in and you haven't been heard, either your quandary isn't interesting or most likely it's too long.

So maybe you want to rewrite it and just like give us just the need to know basics we can't be reading you know megillas again that's deartoasters gmail.com and deer toaster is brought to you by the farmer's dog when you look at bags of dog food all you see is pictures of bright carrots and juicy steaks right but you open it up and you're getting burnt smelly little pellets dog food needs some fresh thinking and that's why the farmer's dog was created it is real food you are feeding your dog the farmer's dog it is fresh healthy food with whole meat and veggies that is gently cooked in human-grade kitchens and they are preserving the nutritional value of the food Theo has been on the farmer's dog.

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All right, are you ready for your toasters?

Yeah.

Hello, Jackson Turd.

My boyfriend, a total PJOM, just moved into my house a few months ago.

We've been together for two years, and I think we'll be getting engaged very soon.

He was in the shower tonight, and I went into his man cave to snoop to see if he has my engagement ring yet.

I should not have done this, but ended...

I shouldn't have done this, but I ended up peeking into his briefcase to see if it was in there.

To my shock, I found a bottle of pills labeled sildenephyl citrates, which is a generic brand of Viagra.

I was crushed that he was not honest with me and now I'm feeling like the recent spiciness of our sex life has all been a lie.

What are the next steps here?

I'm not sure how to react, but I'm feeling very hurt.

Any advice is appreciated.

Love you girls.

A toaster with a metaphorically flaccid wiener.

I don't know.

Evidence that you found illegally is inadmissible.

Facts.

I'm also feeling like,

maybe just take the win here, you know?

Like,

yeah, it wasn't great that he wasn't honest, but like like it's humiliating, I guess.

And it's like, at least you're getting dick down.

Like, just enjoy it, you know?

Yeah, but like, if you have question every time, if you're going to have a future with someone, like, you need to know what medications they're on, right?

I know, for sure, for sure.

But it's like, is this one so bad?

You know?

No, it's not about it's a bad medication or it's a good medication, but I think that there should be transparency.

No, there should.

And I'm not saying this is right.

No, I don't think this is like a...

This is a horrible deal breaker, like, whatever.

You just need to find a way to, like, spill open his briefcase in the living room and say, hey, what's this?

Yeah.

But I think until you do do that, just like enjoy the ride, literally.

You could be like the lady at the Philharmonic.

Like at least you're benefiting from his lie.

Yeah.

He said there's been a spiciness.

Oh, I guess it was under his name.

So you can't be like, maybe he was picking them up for his dad.

Right.

I don't know.

I heard like Viagra could be used to treat COVID.

I did hear that too.

Maybe he's just suffering from long COVID or something.

It's happening to millions of people.

You have to find a way to spill the briefcase.

Yeah.

Spill the briefcase.

And so you guys can have a conversation about it.

You need need to like.

I don't know.

I'm like not that annoyed.

I can't explain.

I'm not annoyed, but I would want answers.

Yes, hypothetically, I would want answers too.

But like, if I'm the recipient of the benefit of this drug,

what could be bad?

It's not like he's taking spermicide, you know?

No, but it's not bad.

It's just

dishonest.

It's just inform, like you just have to have information about your partner.

For sure, for sure.

Especially two years.

It's not like it's a new relationship.

Like those things take time, but like you're talking about getting engaged.

Like if he has an issue, E D or something, like that's something that you would want to know about.

And I think that that's totally fine.

Yeah, but it's also understandable why he didn't share it.

It's like humiliating.

No, I'm not mad that he hasn't shared it yet.

But now my focus is to get him to share in a legal way and not saying that you snooped.

I'm trying to help you.

But you could always just be like, hey, I fucking snooped.

I know.

It's like.

But then it's like, okay, sure, maybe I take Viagra, but like you're

mistrusting.

No, and then like like if he ever wants to hide something from you again, like he's going to have to like hide it better, and then you won't find it.

That's why you have to just find a way to break it down.

To organically like find the bottle.

Yeah.

Be like, hey, babe, I'm just putting this sandwich in your briefcase for lunch.

I'm putting this sandwich in your briefcase for lunch.

Or like, hey, I bought an extra, you know, sub from Jimmy John's.

Let me throw it in your briefcase.

Mm-hmm.

What's this?

I got these

perfect snack bars.

Yeah.

My favorite podcast was talking about them.

I think you would love it as a snack at work.

I love that.

Yeah, that's the one.

That's the one.

All right, next up.

Good morning, Jackson Journey.

I'm in need of advice.

My boyfriend and I moved across the country this month and moved from a one-bedroom apartment to a three-bedroom home.

Obviously, we're in need of a lot of things to furnish our new home.

So far, I have bought everything and it's getting really pricey.

I brought up to my boyfriend that I would like help buying things for our home, but he has yet to help me or give me any money.

Am I wrong for asking him to help financially?

I appreciate any advice on how I should handle this.

No, you're not wrong.

for asking like two people like it's a dual-income home.

Yeah, I know, but it's just frustrating because it's like if

like she doesn't pay for stuff and he's not going to, then nothing will be bought.

Right, because he'll live in a house with empty furniture.

It's not like a punishment for him.

It's like if he wanted it, he would work with you to go and get it.

I would just get really organized.

Like, start a spreadsheet, a checklist, send invoices.

Like, this is a, it's not like you're picking up lunch.

Like, furniture is fucking, it's thousands of dollars.

Also, I feel like you need to find a way to, like, there are some things that you guys have to have, right?

You have to have a couch,

a T V, a dining table.

So, like, make sure he pays for those things so that you can pay for

a the cottage pants.

Right, right.

This potpourri bowl.

Right.

This sconce.

This down comfort.

Things that he will not pay for because he doesn't think that you need.

Right, but like he needs a place to sit and eat his dinner.

He needs a place to watch the game.

He needs a TV to watch the game on.

Right.

So I think that that's the best way and your only way of getting him to help out financially.

It's like things that you have to have.

But just know, like in no way, shape, or form are you like irrational or asking for too much.

Like this is a basic human necessity.

And like don't don't feel shy about it.

Like, ask, get the money.

Yeah.

Get the card.

Just get, check a picture of his credit card.

It'll just be like an easier sell if you're like, we need

a reclining chair.

Right.

Not, we need this feather duster.

This feather duster.

Yeah.

Or this ottoman.

Yeah, exactly.

No, but an ottoman is a basic human right.

Like to put your feet up.

Listen, you got to talk.

You have to think like a man.

Yeah.

You got to act like a woman, but think like a man.

Those were probably my favorite movies of all time.

The Steve Harvey ones.

Oh, yeah.

I love those movies.

They're so good.

The second one wasn't great, but the first was so good.

Okay,

third and final.

Okay, what do you got for us?

Hey, Jackson Claude.

My boyfriend and I have recently started looking into engagement rings after a few years of dating and living together.

The other day, after we spent some time looking at vintage rings, he told me that his mom actually already bought the diamond that he would use for the ring.

I had never heard of anything like that, so he explained further that she bought him and his siblings each diamonds when they were born to use for their engagement.

Now, maybe I'd be okay wearing some mother-of-the-groom purchase ring, but her and I are not very close, and she's always seemed strangely jealous that I'm dating her son.

I just find it a little weird.

Have you heard of this with the diamond purchasing at birth?

Apparently, it's a thing in super wealthy families, which I had never heard of.

Anyway, I told my boyfriend I'd rather this just be between the two of us, but he told me that he feels a little weird not using the diamond and he isn't sure how he'd tell his mom that he wants to choose one just to us.

Should I just get over it and use the diamond even though I wanted a vintage ring?

Or is this a little odd?

One, take the diamond and

you could reset it into a vintage setting.

Yeah.

Run with the diamond.

It's definitely weird.

I've never heard of this in my fucking life.

And what's so crazy is like when you give birth, like the first thing you're thinking of is your son's eventual partner.

That's actually like as a mama, a boy mom, that's the last thing we're thinking of.

You know, it's like, that's the juice, we're dreading.

It's definitely weird.

It's not a thing.

I know there are, of course, diamonds that are passed down, like your grandmother's.

Like, I know that.

I never heard of this shit.

This is fucking weird.

I've never heard of this in my life.

Maybe it's a thing common if you've heard of this, but like, I

why when you're you give birth to someone, your first thing to do is get a gift for their eventual partner who's gonna take them away from you.

No, it's giving some sort of like Hamlet type shit, like something's weird.

It's giving an Oedipus small moment.

Take the diamond,

save his money, and he'll help you buy furniture.

Yeah, of course.

No, no, like never turn down a free diamond.

And reset it however you like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, and she's

saying diamond.

She's not like a damn thing.

It's not a ring.

It's just a stone.

So you could get a vintage band.

Yeah, but like the stone, I guess, wouldn't be vintage.

Who gives a shit?

No, one thing about engagement, she buzzed 30 years ago.

No, so true, by the way.

One thing about engagement rings is like when you're like buying them and designing them, it's like the most important thing in the world.

And then it really is just a piece of jewelry that you love and associate with your husband.

Like it's not.

Okay, but you're not going to take away the importance of like an engagement ring to someone who is currently getting engaged.

No, I just want to let you know, this isn't going to be something you're thinking about in 10 years, being like, I wish I got that vintage.

You're going to love it because it's like a symbol of your love.

love and it just freed up a couple g's for your man's yeah it sounds like you also you're marrying into a wealthy family so i would just behave you know you want more diamonds fucking behave and take the ring bitch and shut up yeah no like someone's offering you a free diamond i don't see the problem i'm seeing solutions abound

i'm seeing you know we could possibly repurpose these finances to maybe put it down deposit on a home or a car i'm seeing freedom tesla i'm seeing a tesla yeah i my advice is shut up take the ring, behave.

Get the Tesla.

Sure.

Or whatever.

Or a truck.

I don't know where you're like.

What are your needs?

Now you get to explore those because you got a ring.

Thank you to everyone who wrote into Dear Toasters.

Again, that was dear toasters gmail.com, our advice segment for the week.

Tomorrow's episode, we are in studio.

What?

I'm just laughing at the segment.

Oh, you're just laughing at how funny we are?

AI could never.

They wouldn't.

No, I think they would expect me to laugh a few seconds after it's over.

No, but they would never be able to give like such good advice.

No, because they haven't lived.

And that's the thing.

Because we're a really unique blend of like old conservative grandma, but like we're also young hip girls.

And we know these are modern times and things change, times change, but there are universal truths.

Right.

And those

are eternal.

Some of those universal truths like came from your buddy who lived in a shuttle.

Like she could never imagine life as we know it now, but the principles are the same.

It's the same.

Yeah.

And she would take the diamond and run.

So and she would fucking behave.

Today's episode is over.

It is.

Tomorrow's episode is in studio.

And then Friday's episode is podcast only because I'm headed to Nashville to hopefully hear Taylor sing peace and perhaps have an orgasm.

So thank you so much to everyone listening to The Toast.

You want to do it?

I'm not feeling it.

Yeah, but I don't do it like you.

Is that okay?

I guess.

Thank you guys so much for listening to The Toast, the best podcast you've ever heard.

And AI could fucking never deliver these lines of comedy genius.

And truth.

If you like us, follow us on Instagram, subscribe on YouTube, join our Patreon, patreon.com/slash Jatose, so you never have to go without Jackson Turd again.

And we shall see you tomorrow.

Now you say, love ya.

Bye.