Big Delusional Energy with Hannah Berner: Tuesday, April 11th, 2023

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Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the toast.

Happy Tuesday.

We are kicking off Toast Friends and Family Week here at The Toast, and we are kicking it off with a personal favorite.

Not only because she's hilarious, we support women in comedy, yada, yada, yada, but because she she showed up in a t-shirt with my face on it.

And it's like, she knows the way to my heart.

Ben is always saying, whenever we're talking about people, he's like, oh, I really like that person.

And Ben's like, you only like them because they're like so flattering and like up your ass.

Like, that is the way to my heart.

So you showing up in one of my merch available, actually, I think it's sold out, but toastmerch.com.

It's sold out, but I give respect where respect is due.

I really.

And I have to say, this is good merch.

It's like Chanel.

It's basically Chanel.

And yeah, I give respect.

And I just support other women in comedy too.

Okay, so we have so much to catch up on.

The last time we were were on the toast, I feel like, was a year ago because that was Jackie's maternity leave and he was born in like February.

It was a little bit over a year ago.

And that was the first time we met and it was magical.

It was the first time.

We made out.

It was the first time we like talked shit.

Yeah, yeah, no.

You stayed after the toast for a while and we just like gossiped.

But it was.

You have really good gossip.

Oh my God, thank you.

Really good.

But it's gotten me in trouble before.

And that's what I'm hoping you'll do here today.

Yeah, I'm a loose lip bitch, not just talking about my pussy.

And I,

but I, I just, I can't lie.

it's a problem like Paige and I were talking about oh I already brought up Paige oh that's literally me and Jackie that's all I do no I'm like Jackie thinks that like and no and Jackie said that no I'm so annoying I'm like I'm not obsessed with her but Paige just told me she liked my outfit today that's good but when we're in Ubers like I I'll try to lie and then I'll get myself in like a weird horrible situation where Paige is like so good at being sleek and smart that's so paige yeah I'll be so interested to see on Friday if Paige talks about you as much as you talk about her honestly we're gonna have to tally it up because it could start a fight.

Yeah, if she doesn't like honor you in the way that you are honoring her.

She normally really does.

Yeah, no, you guys are like such good best friends.

But it's also weird how compared to like the toast, I feel like we're not sisters, but we have similar chemistry that you and Jackie have.

Yeah.

Like I mean, I'm so the Claudia.

You're so

the page.

Jackie's so the page.

Not that we copied you guys.

No, like.

No, no, no, no.

There was inspiration.

That is what I seek to do when I wake up every morning, inspire others to be the worst version of themselves.

And so seeing it in person with you is really, it's humbling.

But that's why I like that we hit it off, because sometimes two Claudias could like, it could be too much, too much air taken up in the room.

But

we kind of, we do vibe, and

to get an ass back is like,

it's like I got a little gold star.

Well, you know what?

I follow the data.

You know, I was telling you before, I'm kind of like the eyes and ears of the IT department here at the toast, and I'm constantly looking into our analytics.

And I actually found it really interesting when we had all these guest co-hosts come for Jackie's maternity leave who performed well and who didn't you would think people with like so many followers would perform great and you and Paige as podcasters yourselves were

someone with a tiny following like you no no that's what I'm saying you guys are podcasters it's so much easier to podcast you guys and you have an audience so I looked I looked at the data and the data said we want Hannah back that's amazing well I also I think chemistry is so important because I've had those people you know who are so famous and they don't really give you anything or you don't vibe.

Also, it's mental health.

Let's have a good time.

That's what we do here at the Toast.

We seek to inspire and to radiate positivity.

Also, I'm very proud of your TikTok because a year ago, you were just beginning your journey.

I actually wasn't beginning my journey.

I was just looked like I was beginning my journey because I had no followers and I had the worst content ever.

But you had the passion.

I will say, our conversation and a lot of the advice that you gave me really did inspire me.

And you were just so smart about the whole thing because you were like, you know, you make such funny jokes on the podcast and on your Instagram story.

So reformulate that for TikTok.

Like, it's okay.

And I definitely took, and I'm still, I'm not doing great compared to you.

And that's what I wanted to talk to you about today.

But I feel like you were definitely a part of my very small success.

I will, I see you as my protege.

I really appreciate that.

But, like, you're all over my FYP, and I'm just like, yeah, I'm very proud of you.

Oh, yeah, that's true.

Yeah.

I kind of did it in my head a lot.

Yeah, okay.

I totally could add to the engagement.

That's my bad.

I apologize for that.

Well, you know, the last time you were here, we talked a lot about TikTok, and I was like, you know, happy, but mostly jealous that you had like had success.

I remember you had like 600,000 followers.

I'm like, oh my God, I'm so happy for you.

And now you're here.

And what do you have?

Two million?

Okay, TikTok saved my life.

Yeah.

Well, I want to talk to you about that.

It truly saved my life.

Yeah.

Because I'm like you in that, like, I was put on this earth to express myself.

I want people, I want to say things that people are afraid to say.

I want people to question things.

I'm, I'm, look, it's not that important.

I'm not Mother Teresa, but like, it makes me feel alive to be heard.

And

when I was doing reality TV, you know, you only get seen in certain ways and you have good seasons, you have bad bad seasons.

And then once I was off the show, I was like, I need to express myself.

I love to create.

And TikTok allowed me this like safe space where the algorithm's so good that it finds other girlies and gays who need who need you or who have the same, you know, common sense of humor.

So like my followers are so funny.

They're so smart.

They're so good looking.

And it was a way for me to express myself.

And you're having so much success with it.

Like, how has it impacted?

Just, I'm curious, like, from a business perspective, how like blowing up on TikTok like that has impacted like the other facets of your business?

Like Burning in Hell, you host two podcasts, Everyone Knows Giggly Squad, Burning in Hell.

How does that like filter into other parts of your business?

Great question.

It's selling tickets for me.

Really?

Yeah, because I also...

So famously, Emily Radikowski just

gave me a shout out.

And my whole, after like reality T V, I would imagine like kind of a bad experience happening.

And then as you're on the street, everyone's like, what's going on with you and so-and-so?

And it's like a breakup where everyone's just asking public in the public eye, asking you about your breakup in the public square.

And I remember thinking, I want to do everything I can so that no one remembers

that I'm doing that.

What you're known for.

I don't want that to be on my tombstone.

Yeah, no, and by the way, I don't even really associate you as like a former summer house cast member anymore.

I mean, I also am not one to be like, fuck that shit.

It was such a part of my life, and it was so good, a platform.

And during that time, when I was 26 and single, it was so fun.

But now, for Emmy Radikowski, she called me some comedian girl.

That's huge.

I called my therapist.

I said, we did it.

We did it.

We did it, Joe.

We're done.

We did it, Joe.

Some comedian girl is how I want to be known.

But it's funny, because the girls in their 30s, a lot of them, like, they've been following me for a while from bitches days.

Right, right, right.

Where then, like, I will get stopped on the street by like a 17-year-old girly who's like TikTok.

So cool.

And I'll be like, that's this is inappropriate stuff you're watching.

But she'll be like, I like your TikTok.

And then I get a big head.

Yeah.

Because if the Gen Z think I'm cool,

put like, I'm done.

Nobody understands that better than me.

I've been chasing the 17-year-old.

Not in like a

Dalai Lama kind of way.

No, in like a cool hip kind of like, you know, mentor kind of way.

No, like I will, if a younger like high school or college girl wants to talk to me, I am all ears.

I'm taking notes.

I'm actually, I'm asking her, like, is this outfit okay?

Right, no, that's like.

But the Gen Z girls are fucking cool.

I feel like they really decenter men from their life because they didn't grow up with like the Disney movies like we did.

And as two married women, I feel like we're both really good at de-centering men from our life despite the fact that we're married.

Where is Ben?

He's in LA, and I completely agree with what you said.

But for me, Sez is in Ireland.

Oh.

Don't even know actually.

Shooting out.

I think it's all right.

Well, for me, it's like I didn't like consciously decenter men from my life.

I'm far too self-centered to have anything other than me be the center of my life, you know?

Wow.

And that's been really so self-aware.

One thing about me, like say what you want about me, you could say I'm annoying, yada, yada.

For sure, I agree, but I am nothing if not self-aware.

And I love that for you, and that's why you're so funny.

Thank you.

Because you say it before everyone calls you out on it and you're like, I got there first.

Yep.

But that's, I do think when you're making decisions based on what other, like to meet a man somewhere, what a man will think, you get off your alignment.

And then you'll start attracting weird energies.

And like I met Des.

Des saw me in the background of a comedian's Instagram story.

That was, that

technology.

We've only been married less than a year.

Really?

Last May we got married.

Wow, that's so crazy.

It feels like just like it's like you're just married.

And my wedding has been overshadowed by Scandival, which I'm dealing with.

That's definitely tough.

I'm dealing with.

No one talks about my dress.

No one talks about the flowers.

That's literally disgusting.

Do you think if you had been on Summerhouse Steel, you would have done like a TV wedding?

Like, probably, right?

Death would not.

Oh, he would not.

My nana, my grandma would have loved it.

Of course.

Would have loved it.

The thing with the TV wedding,

it's like

your wedding, when they air it, could be shown in so different, so many different ways.

And you'll see some weddings that are like overshadowed by like a couple fighting.

Right.

Or like, I mean, Sheena's wedding was iconic

at the crop top.

I was invited, but I couldn't go.

But her first wedding.

You were at?

No.

No, I'm no fan.

I'm a full fangirl.

I can't believe you were invited to the Brock wedding.

Why didn't you go?

Paige and I had shows.

Fuck.

I know.

Fucking Paige.

Fucking Paige with like, she's just, she makes me work so much.

She's always texting me, bothering me.

Wait, okay.

So

wait, what was I going to say?

Oh, so your TikTok, you find that like the success you've had on TikTok filters its way positively into like your ticket sales?

TikTok is like my own TV show.

And it's as like, I was a comedy video producer before I went on Summerhouse, where I love to to write scripts.

I love to, you know, I just love to think of an idea and then it becomes something physical.

You get it?

Yeah.

So I wake up and instead of being like, man, I'm not on TV anymore.

I'm like, what can I post on my channel that people are going to see?

And it's everything from my podcast to stand-up clips to the man on the street interview.

Which are so good.

Thank you.

I see them ripped off and like people using slime next to it, you know, like the duets.

Someone like rubbing slime and then having a bad thing.

Is that good or bad?

It's good.

That means you fucking made it, bitch.

Like, that, although they get like hundreds of millions of views, that like don't count towards you.

No, I know.

But they don't tell you

I am.

You are.

But I've heard drama about it.

What have you heard?

One guy told me that if you're in the TikTok Creator Fund,

they suppress your views.

I haven't experienced that.

Okay.

But who knows?

There might be a point.

Now, if you're willing to share, like, what are you making per month on TikTok Creator Fund?

Good question.

It's not like millions.

No.

It's like, it's a pretty bad conversion.

No, I think I'm making like

maybe five or six, though.

Wow, that's pretty good.

No, I don't know.

Enough to like pay more than rent.

Like I could live my life off TikTok.

Wow, that's so interesting.

And I don't know if that's for sure.

It could be 3,000.

Right.

I'm sure it's different every month based on your views.

Exactly.

That's so interesting.

I'd say 2,000 to 5,000.

Hmm.

Just throwing numbers around.

I also like to do this thing where I don't check, and then one day I check and I'm like, am I rich?

Yes.

I'm very bad with finance.

I do it for the art.

I definitely do it for the money.

but i've been told by psychic that i'll that money will always follow me but if i do my passion oh yeah so i'm one of those where like i'm like a troubled artist who just like happens to get a deal it just kind of sounds like the psychic was telling you what you wanted to hear it's like yeah pursue your art money will find you like that's not how art works you know well that's why after college i went into cold calling sales did you yeah i was a cold calling sales girl

you know i actually was

i take that back You're very personable.

Apparently, all I would do was giggle on the phone.

Giggly squirrel.

Like, I would just try to make people laugh.

And the guys I worked with on the sales team were like, she just laughs the whole time.

But people, I guess, they kind of trusted me.

But I hated taking.

What were you selling?

I was selling digital marketing services.

Oh, so you were working for Jen Shaw?

Yes.

I was just going to old people homes.

And I was like, can you read this contract?

No, sign it.

Sign on the dotted line.

By the way, I do have to say with the Bravo universe, what Jen Shaw did was so horrible.

Horrible.

But people will get treated so much worse for so much less.

And there's no

selection.

It's Chris Rock, the selective outrage, pisses me off so much.

That's so true, Jackie.

Because you don't know what the momentum is going to do.

Jackie and I are always talking about that.

It's like, yeah, we eat this up, but like, we are losing sight of reality.

Like, Jen Shaw

exploited our most vulnerable.

Think of your grandma.

Yeah.

She intentionally exploited the most vulnerable members of all of our communities, like the old, the elderly, the disabled.

Like, it's so disgusting.

And we're all just like eating it up, like, Jen Ja!

Like, there's really no, and this shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone, but there's no morality in

reality TV.

And I think that's something as you get older.

I've been watching reality TV for like 10 years.

It starts to bother you when you get older.

It's like, what am I watching?

Yeah, and I do think it's like watching a train wreck.

And I always said if I was on TV and I did something crazy that made someone feel more sane about their life, then I did my job.

Yeah, that's just the that's the job.

That's the job.

And it's you times a thousand.

But yeah, I just think selective outrage is a thing.

Yeah.

And next time you're like gonna like freak out at someone over like something they said in a confessional, like just think of Jen Shaw.

No, and I will say I'm really happy for you because I've always really liked you.

And the last time we had you on the toast, everyone was so excited.

And there was people who were like, oh, she was the worst on Summer House.

And now when we announced that you were coming on, like people were like, yes, love Giggly Squad, Burning in Hell, love her tea ski because I gotta go see her comedy.

Like you've really come out of that.

I think probably one of the best.

I think I said this on maybe a Patreon episode recently.

Like it's really,

it could be an example to other reality stars.

I think you really have done such a good job.

Thank you so much.

I mean, I actually just met Stasi.

Like I had a full podcast with her the other week.

And I told her, like, you know, she's obviously had so many ups and downs.

And it's really easy to quit.

Yeah.

It's really easy to give up on yourself.

And it's really easy to just wallow.

But I guess the advice I've learned from like having hard times and stuff is like, I take it as a message from the universe, which is like, we're shifting, you know, and I, the universe is aggressive with me.

We're shifting.

Like some people, you know how like something subtle will happen for like 10 years and then you're like, wait, I hate this man or like I hate this job.

I will like, things will just blow up immediately where the universe does not want any confusion for me.

No warnings.

No warnings.

And you know what you need to do.

So I just like list, I love failing.

And I fail all the time, but I'm like, I never take it personally.

And I use it like, okay, you fucked up or this was not right for you.

We're on to the next.

We're on to the next.

And you just have to keep swimming like Dory.

That's like my favorite Taylor Swift lyric.

It's actually a newer lyric, so it was maybe not my favorite, but it's one that really resonated with me.

It's no one sees if you lose when you're playing solitaire.

It's like if you're only competing with yourself,

Failure is just a part of life.

It's not like this big embarrassing thing.

Like you're only looking like horsebinders.

Isn't that really good?

I'm gonna cry.

I love getting into mental health moments.

This is a sports reference.

My grandpa was like a basketball coach.

It's very Brooklyn.

Never let the fear of stress down keep it.

But I feel like you would understand basketball references.

They said, even when it's raining, the hoop is always there.

Yeah.

So, like, you can't see it all the time.

And I realized so much of life is the story you tell in your head.

Like, I could have sat there and told myself all these things of what I think people think of me.

But, like, actually, Taylor Strecker called it, she said, I have BDE as in big delusional energy.

Oh my god, okay, so the introduction of my book, which I know you read, is

Fantastical Delusions, like just about how being delusional is such an important part of confidence and an important part of like

chasing your dreams.

And I mean like delusional like with your own self.

Yeah, no, not, don't be delusional like in reality.

Nobody likes people like that.

You're like, the sky is green.

Like your sense of self and your confidence should have an ounce of delusion.

Yeah, and I ultimately believe that you cannot hit any goal that you can't imagine for yourself.

And and also you're not to like eight be like talk about your age no I'm saying you're a baby oh my god stop you're a baby and you've accomplished okay we're just sucking each other's dicks right now but

it's like audio porn um you've done and accomplished so many things like written a book are you kidding me so like you fit all these things in but that was all you imagining it like if you guys if you don't think it it's not gonna happen the world doesn't just plop book deals on your lap so but they do for some people sometimes and i think something that you and I have in common, which is why I think we're like always gassing each other up, is because like we've had things, you know, opportunities taken away from us.

We've had like, you know, cancellations.

And so that's like, it feels even more accomplishing when you get a book deal or when you sell out a theater because you really had to do all that shit on your own and even, you know, rebuild from ground zero more than one time.

For sure.

It feels even better.

And also we've had ego deaths.

Yeah, of course.

We love an ego death.

And that's why I think we're funny because it's like we know what it's like to be really dark and feel like the biggest piece of shit and then be like,

where do we go from here?

Yeah, what's next?

What's next?

I mean, the Madonna's of the comedy world, some would say, we're reinventing.

We're growing.

We are learning.

We are in the comedy world.

You know, I actually wanted to ask you, because you're like such a stand-up comic and you are always like, whenever I watch all your Instagram stories, it's just like more shows, more shows, more shows.

And I do comedy like in a way that I think is very bizarre to a lot of people.

Like I'll take like a full year year off and then I'll do a whole year on, year off, year on.

And that's just how I can realistically like integrate it into my life.

But you are just all the time 24-7.

And I was just, I did this event with Nikki Glazer and she was like, literally, I am gone every single week, 52 weeks out of the year.

And it's like this road life and that's so tough.

And you're married and you're married to another comedian who lives the same lifestyle.

When do you guys like, fuck?

Like, when are you guys ever in the same bed?

Okay, my biggest advice with marriage is like, don't see each other.

Oh, don't actually be so funny.

You know, like when people become your roommate, like, we've never, we haven't gotten to that point.

It's not sexy.

It's not sexy.

But you're so right.

I'm living this kind of untraditional life where I actually, I met my husband.

He had an apartment in the Lower East Side.

The woman passed away next door.

Wasn't me.

We don't know how it happened.

Rip.

And I got the apartment next door.

So we have.

two apartments next to each other.

I technically have my own apartment and like my own space.

Do you have a podcast studio in there?

I wanted to, but it was a little too echoey.

Oh, yeah.

And I didn't want to mix, you know, work and pleasure, yeah.

As in, like, where I nap all the time.

100%.

But I do think traveling, because we have the same gig, like, I'll finish a show and I'll call him and he'll be like, yeah, I just got off stage.

How was it?

And this is all we know.

When you meet people later in life, you're kind of two complete people and you see if the puzzle pieces fit.

Or I think when you meet younger, you can grow together and evolve into whatever.

Or that's what I always say because people are like, you got married so young.

And I used to like resent people saying that.

Yeah.

But the older I get, it's actually so true.

And it's, you really can meet someone when you're really young and be so in love and then just grow, like I'm so different now than I was when I met Ben.

I was 18.

That was literally 10 years ago.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

And thank God that like we both grew into people who we like.

Yeah.

But I could totally see me becoming someone who Ben wasn't interested in anymore.

And so I actually, I do now understand why people were like, man, that's so young.

Are you sure you don't want to wait?

Like, no, fuck off, bitch.

I want to get married.

Like, yeah, and I think all the cool girls are doing good.

Dating in your 30s.

Well, now weddings are a little choogy, but that's besides the point.

It's because Gen Z's can't get married.

Right?

Oh, they can't.

It's chewy.

Millie, Bobby Brown, which we will hit on later.

But I do think because we met, dating in your 30s is hard because you have your routines, you have your rituals.

Like when a guy comes, it gets confusing and you don't want to lose yourself.

So I happened to find someone who our lifestyles do work together.

And it's, it's been really fun.

I also also think with stand-up,

when I started to do stand-up, I had dated a stand-up comedian, and he had kind of like showed me the ropes before I knew I wanted to do it.

But I fell in love with the fact that I'm like, you could do podcasts all day and then just perform at night and then like audition, and you could just live a creative life.

I don't have to call cold call salespeople.

What am I doing?

Right.

So

when I started stand-up, I had a bunch of like real stand-up comics of the New York scene pull me aside, and they were like, if you want to do it, you got to do it right.

You got to get on stage all the time.

But what's beautiful is the reason women, there's not more female stand-ups, is because that old-school stand-up lifestyle is not conducive for women.

No.

Do you want to go to midnight to bedstaide to be at a bar full of drunk men doing jokes about your period?

No, and if you have kids, that's the other, it's certainly not conducive to moms.

It's not conducive.

So it's this old school life, but the internet, such as TikTok, podcasts, meme pages that are so female, like

voiced, and you don't know who's writing it but it's the women or the gays and it that has enabled people like you to be in stand-up and it's super powerful so I've I've kind of evolved to be more like you where I

have multiple things going on and I'm not just doing one thing stand up 16 spots a week I do when I can but I am traveling a lot and I'm I'm making stand-up is evolving and TikTok is a huge reason.

Yeah.

And so I thank you, TikTok, get again, sponsoring my TikTok sweat.

I'm jealous for you.

But I'm telling you, just keep going because you are so.

And I will say, like, probably my most, like my best performing content is our podcast clips.

And so why I asked you,

why I asked, like, where you see the value and like where you see TikTok making good impacts is because for us, like, it has blown up the podcast.

Like, our podcast numbers are.

That's amazing.

And so many people, like, when I do meet and greets and stuff, they're like, oh, I found you on TikTok.

I'm like, yo, shut up.

Oh, your clips are so good.

We work really hard on them.

Thank you.

They're really good.

And I do think,

like Giggly Squad, we just started posting clips.

We're going to see them now.

Because we used to just film on Zoom.

I know.

And my friends are like, are you just traveling a lot?

And I'm like, we're both in Manhattan, but she's in Midtown, which is like Europe.

Yeah, that's tough.

And we'll be like, do you want to get together?

And she's like, no.

No, but see, that's what we're always talking about how weird it is.

How like...

Podcasting is an audio first platform, but like unless you're recording video, you might as well be in the Stone Age, which makes no sense.

Literally.

It makes no sense.

But anyway.

Anyway, we have chit-chatted long enough i want to get your takes on a lot of pop culture news yes um we also have some bravo news i want to share with you so without further ado it is time for the fast five stories that you need to know today's episode is brought to you by caraway get a head start on spring cleaning with caraway their thoughtfully designed sets and complementary storage makes getting and staying organized easier than ever so you guys know that we have been obsessed with caraway's pans for many many years now and we just got their food storage and if you just have a drawer full of like empty lids misplaced containers check out their food storage solutions they are so organized they're so fabulous and just like everything at caraway they're premium and you can now save 10 off on the full suite of caraway products from their internet famous cookware to their newly launched food storage set their high quality ceramic coated kitchenware is free of ptfe like teflon lead cadmium other toxic materials caraway kitchenware comes in a variety of chic shades and all their sets include complementary easy access storage solutions their ceramics naturally slick surface means minimal oil or butter for slide off the pan eggs and easy cleaning.

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Our first story is little child bride news.

Millie Bobby Brown, who is 19, has announced her engagement to Jake Bongiovi.

So just call her Millie Bobby Bride.

Page 6 always has to be like so.

Millie Bobby Brown, who's 19, announced her and Jake Bongiovi's engagement via Instagram on Tuesday.

She wrote, I've loved you three summers now, honey.

I want them all.

We love a Taylor Swift lyric.

The Stranger Things actress captioned a a black and white photo.

Her engagement ring could be seen in the social media upload as Bon Giovi, who's 20, hugged her from behind the beach.

So I think there's a lot to unpack here.

The first being, you know, the Nepo baby of it all.

And wait, is this Bon Jovi?

Bon Jovi's younger, I think, youngest.

I love where you're saying Bon Giovi.

That's how it is.

His literal, it's.

Are they adding an I somewhere?

His name is B-O-N-G-I-O-V-I.

It's like they're Italian, but I think for his, you know, like all-American band, he was Bon Jovi.

I know the older brother is in like Hamptonwater.

Yes, and he's Jesse Bonjiovi.

Okay, are you from Sicily?

What is going on?

Sorry, I'm just like friends with the Bonjiovis.

Maybe that's why I knew that.

So were they dating for three years or she just wanted to do a Taylor Swift quiz?

They've been together for a while, so I'm assuming it was accurate.

How old is he?

20, and she's 19.

Do you do the math?

At least they're

like somewhat age-appropriate for a relationship.

It's not like people have been like weirdly sexualizing Millie Babby Brown like since she was 12.

Like it's really bizarre.

So at least she's dating someone her own age, but it is really young.

I mean, I got married young, but I wasn't 21 when I got engaged.

Yeah.

She can't even drink at her wedding unless they get married, you know, in the Bahamas.

I do think sometimes with really, really famous people, once you find someone you feel safe with, you almost want to like stop the BS.

Yeah.

Do I see

like, well, I didn't even know they were dating.

Well, it's also about what you were going to say about famous people that I feel like is true is Millie Bobby Brown at 19 is not the same maturity level as, you know, us at 19.

Yeah.

She's probably seen and lived a lot of more, you know, maturing experiences.

It's still very young.

But I would say she's probably has the emotional intelligence and the life experience of maybe like a 22-year-old.

I don't know.

Honestly, like an elephant, like a young elephant, which are very smart, but like you wouldn't like trust with your taxes.

Right.

Paige was telling me yesterday that Millie Bobby Brown has this like weird friendship with Drake.

Yes, that's exactly what I'm talking about.

I wonder how Drake is feeling.

Right.

Like, but that, like, the height of their really kind of weird friendship was when she was like 15.

Yeah.

There's just like a lot.

And you know what?

I just last night, I watched Pretty Baby, Brooke Shields.

Yes, I have thoughts.

And so much of what they were talking about, like weird things that went on when she was a child, really reminded me a lot of Millie Bobby Brown.

It's gotten better now, but because she's older.

Yes.

But when she first popped on the scene, people were so fucking weird about her.

Yeah.

She was so young and she was like so like romanticized and like borderline sexualized.

And the Brooke Shields documentary was chilling.

Chilling.

I also think that when people are British, they just sound really mature.

That's true.

Like if a two-year-old is like, can I have some wah?

You're like, are you sure you don't want to martini?

Writing a thesis.

But Pretty Baby was very interesting to me.

Me too.

The craziest parts were her, you know, cold calling out Michael Jackson, Tom Cruise, and Andre Agassi.

Wild.

You're a tennis girl.

As a tennis girly, I mean,

I think that she basically said, I went from one controlling relationship with my mom to a controlling relationship with Agassiz.

She sucked Joey's finger on friends.

Yep.

And then Andre Agassi broke all his trophies because he was so mad.

That was like she could have politically been like,

he got jealous sometimes and it was hard for a career.

Like that was a choice.

But also in the tennis community, she got a lot of hate because when he married her, he did not win a tennis match like the whole marriage.

So maybe it was a little dig back at him.

Oh, that's it.

Because people said she was really bad luck.

And the second he married Steffi Graff,

he started winning.

And the crazy, okay, this is just ESPN sports podcast now.

But she,

Brooke Shields had a photo of Steffi Graff on her fridge saying with, because she loved her legs.

These have athletic legs.

Inspo.

That's inspo, but she manifested wrong and her husband ended up marrying that woman.

Imagine?

Because it's his fridge too.

It's his fridge.

He had to eat.

He was eating ice cream every night too.

Right.

So that's so interesting.

Just two cents on that.

The Michael Jackson part for me was the most wild revelation because, you know, the whole time I'm watching this documentary, and I never really thought a lot about Brooke Shields.

I'm just like, yeah, she's Brooke Shields.

But I just found myself like immediately having a lot of respect for her.

She's extremely smart, the whole Yale or Princeton thing.

And then she started talking about Michael Jackson.

And the people now reading the documentary were like, you know, I never thought they were dating.

And I'm like, there's no way.

There's no way she would date Michael Jackson.

Like, he's a freak.

And this whole time, I've just felt like she's so smart.

She's so ahead of her time.

She didn't get caught up in the whole Hollywood.

And I'm like, there's no way you're dating fucking Michael Jackson.

Well, like, she has that innocence to her.

Well it made sense why he wanted to date her because she was very stunted in a lot of ways and he's a fucking freak and I was like about to be so disappointed.

I'm like, no, Brooke, no.

And she's like, we never dated.

He told everyone we were dating and he just wanted to adopt a child with me.

Like what a fucking freak.

And he's going on Barbara Walters being like, well, right now I'm dating Brooke Shields.

And she calls him and she's like, what the fuck, dude?

They were never dating.

It was crazy that it was all PR.

And it makes you question, like, for example, the way that Taylor Swift, we've never seen her with Joe, when you see these other couples everywhere, and it's like, oh, they just keep finding us.

They're not finding you.

That's what she said.

We would go to dinner and be like, how did they find us?

Exactly.

I heard that with Cheryl Crowe, too.

She used to be a background singer, and she said there were always tabloids saying that she was hooking up with Michael Jackson.

So he was working full-time.

Well, I think he wanted to deflect from what other people were saying about him, which was that he was romantically interested in minors.

I mean, it's a theme.

It's a theme.

I'm sensing a theme.

It's a theme.

And I talked about it on my pod.

I said, Paige, we cannot keep talking about this.

I know.

But the thing about Michael Jackson is like, people still revere him and like regard him as like the king of pop.

Yeah.

And for me, like he will always be the man who liked minors.

And that's all I'm going to see him as.

It's definitely tainted.

Yeah.

And not the good kind of taint.

Right.

I was like glad that she actually did not date him.

I mean, that was, I kind of love that she spoke up about that.

Yeah.

My only pet peeve with the documentary was there's that like point where she never like fully acknowledges that it's like good to be pretty.

No, it was just like the pretty privilege could have been just like referenced.

Yes.

Because like, I mean, I'm best friends with Paige.

Like I see it every day.

And I'm a beautiful model.

Like I know that

it is burdensome to be that beautiful.

I get it.

I get it.

But to not acknowledge how like

let's be honest, she was homeschooled.

Like I don't know how she got into Princeton, but she kind of was like, I got it in the mail that I got into Princeton.

You were also like the biggest star in the world.

Like, that's why.

So it was so fucked up how, like, she was doing nude scenes as a child.

But also,

there could be some reference of

how being this beautiful helped you a lot.

Like Princeton.

Because, I mean, think about it.

When you, pretty privilege is so real.

When you make eye contact with someone in the street and they're good looking and they look at you, you're like, I'm validated.

I am gorgeous.

Sign me up.

Willow meet a models.

When an ugly person looks at you in the street, what do you do?

I have to flee town.

I'm being stalked and harassed.

But literally,

honestly, if I'm being honest, pretty or ugly, if you look at me, like I'm so self-centered, I'm like, they're looking at me.

They're probably a toaster.

They probably love my TikTok.

My favorite, do you ever have those ghost sounds where you think people are saying your name?

Oh, yeah.

And especially because my name ends in a.

Just like every name.

Jessica.

Yeah.

Every name.

Olivia.

When I was growing up, we never knew if someone was shouting for Olivia or Claudia.

It's kind of like a really kind of common syllable.

My favorite is when people come up to me and they just need directions and I'm like, do you want to?

No, I know.

I know.

That's happened to me too.

And then, or they're just talking to you and you're like, this person does no idea who I am, but I thought that I was like getting noticed.

Yeah.

So anyway, Brooke Shields, it's very interesting.

It is.

It is hard to be that beautiful, but let's be honest, as a child,

she was so strikingly.

Oh my God, it was like, and I know people were obsessed with her as like an 11-year-old, which was so weird how she like played a prostitute and there were nude scenes and she kissed this old man.

It was so disgusting.

But I think she like when she was in college or maybe a little bit right before college, she was so like to me, that's like the Brooks Shields era.

Like when they had the doll of her, like, she's so beautiful.

My mom, like, is similar age as Brookshields, and she talks about how it really negatively affect affected women at the time that pre-pubescent girls were being used as models.

Because my mom said when she got boobs, she was like upset.

upset because she was like, I don't want to have boobs.

I want to look like Cindy Crawford, which is like no curves.

So it's so funny how beauty standards are so trend-setting.

They are.

And I will say, I know there's a lot of like discourse around how the Kardashians have negatively affected body image, but I do want to say I feel like they really popularized, they didn't invent it, but they popularized like curves and big tits.

And now it's like cool to be curvy.

And that had a lot to do with that.

Whereas like, you know, heroin chic was the norm before the Kardashians took over like fashion and beauty.

So say what you want, but I do think in a positive way they've impacted the body image, the body like image, the beauty standard.

Yeah, white girls love anorexia.

Yeah.

And they were like...

They changed it.

Like they really did.

Thanks, FaceTune.

Thanks, girl.

So Millie Bobby Brown is going to be a child bride.

I wonder how long they'll wait to get married.

Like if she'll have a long engagement so she can drink at her wedding.

That's what I'm really concerned about.

Can't even have like a glass of champagne.

I want to know if Drake's going to be at the wedding.

I know.

I want to know if Drake's going to have a song come out.

No, I think Drake might be like, you know, I object.

Drake is one of those guys when it's like, who are...

Who are you into?

I know.

And he doesn't really, like, date celebs because honestly, I think he's scarred from Rihanna, who like he was so obsessed with.

And she was like, get away from me, freak.

Like, I'm not interested.

Well, they say that guy's biggest fear is like being rejected.

And he was rejected so publicly, like on stage.

Now he just like follows around basketball players and like takes selfies.

I know.

But like, he's Jewish.

Like, I'm obsessed.

Like, I would.

Is he Jewish?

Yes.

Wow.

He doesn't really talk about it, which is, like, kind of annoying, but we know.

We know.

He should so talk about it.

I know.

The last Jewish rapper was like Manas Yahoo.

I know.

And it's like, that's all we have.

Or like Dave?

I don't think he's Jewish.

I just think he has curly hair.

When are you dropping a rap song?

When are you dropping more music?

Because we're waiting.

I know.

You're basically the Rihanna of podcasting.

I agree.

Honestly, my second song wasn't as big as my first.

My first was like such a hit.

Is that from streams on Spotify?

Like streams and everything.

And there was just like less fanfare and I don't know.

I feel like people like were over it if I'm being if I'm gonna be vulnerable.

That's the story that you're telling yourself.

Maybe you're right.

And you're right.

And but I do think that we need a bop for the summer.

We need a bop.

I am working now on releasing my next special and like that's my project and hopefully it'll be out by summer.

Where'd you film it or where are you going?

Grammar C Theater.

I filmed it already.

That's where like everyone had a big time.

It was fabulous.

Like we like it's small and intimate.

So like it was really,

I think when we did pre-sale on on Patreon, like, it sold out.

So it was just Patreon, like, real toasters, like, real girly girls.

The energy was amazing.

It was on point.

We did two nights.

And because it's so small, like, we built a whole ass stage, and it was so cool looking.

Like, I had this, like, little thing that jetted out.

I felt like a pop star.

I'm obsessed with you.

Thank you.

Was your alpha good?

Very good.

I can't wait.

Yeah.

All right, next story.

Speaking of the Kardashians, Kim Kardashian was announced yesterday as one of the stars of American Horror Story Season 12, and like we're all confused.

I think she's rebranding.

Yeah, I don't understand.

So her and Emma Roberts released this like trailer.

It didn't have any footage.

It just was like five words, and it took literally 45 seconds for the words to make a sentence.

It was so frustrating.

Then you couldn't even see a full Kardashian if it was so annoying.

Basically, the message of the trailer was that Emma Roberts and Kim Kardashian are starring in the next season of American Horror Story.

Has she acted in anything?

Well, she did have that iconic scene in 90210.

I don't know if you remember from high school where her and Chloe are like trying to sell dresses to Naomi, the cool girl, and then Naomi calls her a hoe and they storm out.

It was really kind of amazing.

Well, let's be honest, keeping up with the Kardashians is a full-time acting person.

Agreed.

Agreed.

She has plenty of experience pretending.

Pretend you don't hate all your assistants every day.

Pretend you actually want to be filming the show.

So I would say, yes, she is experienced.

I do.

I loved Lady Gaga in it, but like Lady Gaga is an artist.

Like Lady Gaga can do anything.

And that was the beginning.

Then now she's been nominated for Oscars.

That was like her first.

Ryan Murphy saw something in her.

Maybe Ryan Murphy saw her.

But again, yeah, we are not out here telling women not to chase their dreams.

True.

But Kim, I think she loves to challenge herself.

She does.

And I'm proud of her for that.

Yeah.

I just, it comes to a point, it's kind of, it's giving me like J-Lo vibes where when I'm that rich and successful, if I'm still like chasing this hard,

it's sad.

Yeah, I'm glad you brought up J-Lo because J-Lo's at an interesting point where she's like a singer and she's like an iconic singer and an iconic actress.

And I know now any movie that she puts out now or any song that she puts out now is going to be bad.

It's so weird how like she's this like and I saw her She's one of the most talented people in the world and everything she does sucks

Even her JLo beauty like sucks.

What is that?

Like it's like she's an she's like a legend who can't get arrested Everything she does is bad.

I don't understand well the hustlers movie was like her moment to come back and then but she did get gypped on a lot of awards.

She did.

You know, she's very insecure that like people say she's not a good actor and all this stuff.

And she's, well, sorry.

She's very, I watched her documentary and she's very upset about it.

How do you know?

No, I watch everyone's documentary.

She so badly wants to be taken seriously as so many people.

That's what it is.

She goes to sleep at night.

The story she's telling in her head, we have a theme, is that like, yeah, people aren't respecting me.

Go to Wyoming, not near Lake Kanye, but like somewhere else.

Have a farm,

occasionally have a script you look at.

Like, that's what I want for her.

Not like, Ben, we got to go outside.

Get your nice trench coat not that trench coat the other one.

Yeah, get a Dunkin' Donuts.

Do something stupid.

I'll cut you.

She's kind of playing the games like somebody on the up and up would be playing.

Exactly.

She doesn't act like a legend, and she is.

Like I saw her concert in the 2018 Super Bowl.

It was like a Super Bowl party and she performed and it was like greatest hits.

And you really do forget how many, let's get loud.

Like, get it right, sock, kicking, get in right, baby.

Like, it's so good.

And she really could be like

a share.

Like she could be past.

She's definitely past her prime, but I feel like she won't accept that.

I think the olive oil saga really hurt her.

What was olive oil?

She basically was like, I don't do anything to my face.

I just use olive oil.

And as an Italian who's just greasy with olive oil all the time,

that your face does not look like that.

And then she came up with J-Lo Beauty.

Well, it's like, well, if you're only using olive oil, why the fuck should we use your products?

It seems an olive oil.

I'm using EVOO from Rachel Ray.

Right.

But yeah, there's sometimes less is more in this industry, which me and you, it's hard because we're workaholics.

But sometimes, like even like overexposure, oversaturation, trying too hard, people are like, we get it.

You want to be famous.

And it's a thin line.

Also, once people like your stuff, then people offer you a lot of money to do more stuff.

And you have to be selective.

Saying no.

is actually super powerful and I'm working on it.

No, you're so right.

Especially for somebody at J-Lo's level.

Like you have to be so particular.

And that's why I feel like Lady Gaga is really good at it.

She doesn't do a lot.

And it takes years for her to do something.

She'll be filming this Joker movie for a while and then she'll be doing the Joker thing for a few years, like the Oscars.

And she has these like eras almost.

And it's really powerful and she stays relevant, but she doesn't feel overexposed.

I also thought in the past that saying no, people would just think I'm a bitch.

But as I've been doing it more often, people like almost respect you more.

And that was a really powerful turning point for me because I also am an opportunist.

Like I feel like

I feel like I got where I am because I work hard.

So if saying no to opportunities means I'm not working hard, then I'm not going to be successful.

But there's a way of like prioritizing your mental health.

Wow, we are therapizing today.

No, we're kind of like giving, doing the most.

We're like slutty Brene Browns.

So Kim Kardashian is starring in American Horror Story.

I've actually never seen American Horror Story.

I'm not going to watch it.

Do you not like scary stuff?

It's not that...

Well, yeah, I don't.

I don't like, I feel like a lot of people's like personality is like, I love horror.

Like, let's go chill in the cemetery.

That's not me at all.

And so that's not my genre of choice.

But also is there musical theater in American Horror Storm?

You know, it's like I loved Glee, a Ryan Murphy production, probably Ryan Murphy's best work, in my opinion.

Did you watch the Glee documentary?

No, I didn't because I actually saw a bunch of Glee actual castmates say they weren't approached, or if they were, they didn't want to be a part of it.

And so like these experts on set, it was like, you know, people in charge of hair wardrobe.

Yes.

And you know, that person doesn't really know what's going on.

It was a thirsty piece of work.

There's a reach.

And they were saying all these like allegeds, and I just felt afterwards a little dirty.

And I read a review of it because I was thinking about watching it, and I saw that, like, one of the takeaways was that, you know, a lot of what went on on the show, they blamed Lee and Michelle for.

Like, they very subtly tried to blame Lee and Michelle for Corey Monteith's overdose and how she was like the one pushing him into drinking.

So, honestly, because I stand Lee Michelle to the day I died, that's my topic.

Have you seen Funny Girl?

Of course I have.

I saw it in night number two.

Oh my God.

Taking tickets to night number one.

We're so mad about it.

I have to see it.

It's literally.

I know.

I have to.

It's a religious experience.

I hope she like resigns and keeps going.

It's incredible.

I was into the drama, too.

I lived for every minute of it.

And I'm sorry, BD was never right for that role.

And they went out of their way to not give the original role to Leah Michelle.

And you know what?

The show they got is the show they deserved.

Yes.

Because she had a little bit of a scandal.

You know, they called her a bully.

So you know what?

Okay.

Don't hire her.

Look what happened.

I do know her stylist or at one point a stylist of her, not to name names.

And he said she's lovely.

No, and I'm sure at a time.

And just because people can't read does not mean you have to bully them or call them bullies.

No, I have to say, I'm sure at a time she was a misery.

Like, she blew up on this show and she was the star of the show.

Yeah.

And I'm sure she was a diva.

I'm sure she was rude to you.

Also, that show was insane.

When you weren't acting, you had to be learning music.

You had to go to practice.

You had to go to the, like, it was, they said it was child labor.

Yeah, no, and I'm sure she was the devil.

I am sure.

Okay, people can change.

She was literally 18.

True.

Like, I don't care.

True.

All right, next story.

Ready?

Oh, this I feel like you're personally invested in, and I want to hear your take.

Tatia Adams is holding hands with Summerhouse star Luke

Goldbrinson amid dating rumors.

So the former bacherette Tayshia Adams, Queen, and Summerhouse alum Luke are fueling, I'm not pronouncing his last name again, Luke

are fueling romance rumors after they were spotted getting cozy at an Easter Sunday celebration.

In a since-deleted picture shared via Instagram by Lindsay, Luke could be seen standing behind Tayshia holding her hand.

The duo has sparked dating speculation over the last few weeks.

They posed for a group photo alongside Carl, Lindsay, and like a bunch of other people I've never met.

So they're dating, and you used to date this man, correct?

I mean, date is a strong word.

It was a hooking up.

It was no.

Oh, okay.

It was a situationship.

Situation.

Do you know Tayshia?

I've met her briefly.

I actually, I did not know this.

Oh.

Breaking news.

I saw this yesterday on Instagram.

That's exciting.

I hope that he finds love.

Yeah.

I hope they all find love.

I mean, Tayshia's a queen.

Yes, she's amazing.

I think I watched her season.

I actually know her ex jpj

john paul john oh yeah john paul jones john paul jones john yeah and he was hilarious john paul john jones so she she likes the blonde she does

go for it girl so now i'm thinking because i ran into tatsha like a week ago no maybe i have no like concept of time maybe it was two weeks ago

and she was with a guy and i was like oh that must be tacia's new man

But what I have noticed if it was that guy Luke from Summerhouse, I wasn't really like invested.

I never really like got super deep into Summerhouse.

I can't lie.

Me neither.

I do know.

I do think that it's like New York City.

People are seeing each other.

And also like when you're on reality TV and you see someone else on reality TV,

there's a lot of like...

Common commonalities.

Yeah, and then it's like we take a photo, people are going to talk about us.

I get it.

I was just dating Ashley though from Real House Desert Potomac.

He's kind of like making the round.

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Okay, so but now I just want to ask you about Summerhouse.

I don't know if you're seeing any of the discourse on like this season of Summerhouse, how it's like fucked.

Do you know anything about it?

I'm literally so removed by it, but paid will tell me things I need to know

or things that will make me laugh.

Well, what's going on now is kind of like the

comeuppance.

I think for a lot of the cast, it's like, finally, Lindsay's getting what Lindsay deserves.

And I, from the seasons that I've watched in the past, like Lindsay has definitely been the villain in my eyes.

And she's never really gotten her

like it hasn't, she's never gotten like called out.

And she's getting called out this season.

And I don't really feel like she's done anything wrong this season.

If anything, this is the most kind of stable she's been.

And I don't understand why now it's like, you know, we're all coming for Lindsay when it's like, we probably should have come for her a few few years ago.

Yeah, I know that like there's a lot of people bringing up stuff from the past seasons and stuff, but I'm like, aren't we in a new season?

Yeah.

Like, let's get some new fun drams.

So we know that you and Paige are obviously besties.

So

who do you have a relationship with?

Sierra.

I'm very close with Sierra.

Like we talk all the time, cat memes all the time.

It's probably tough to be like friends with someone who's so beautiful, honestly.

It's a thing where I'm like, it keeps me grounded.

It keeps me humble.

I know she's a Victoria Seeker model.

Do you think it's getting to her her head?

Or is she still working?

I think it's where she needs to be.

Like, I know she was saving lives as a nurse, and I felt bad being like, You should be in a Maybelline commercial, but like, save lives if whatever is good for you.

Yeah, it's just like leave some room for the rest of us.

Yeah, um, but she's also what people don't know is like she's so funny and goofy and silly.

So, when you're with her, she doesn't give the energy of like, I know I'm hotter than you, that's nice, even though she does, because she is, but she doesn't like put it in your face, like Brookshield.

Oh, not you coming for Brookshields.

No, I love Brookshield, She's an icon.

But yeah, so I'm also friends with Maya.

Oh, you are?

Yeah, we haven't like hung out a lot, but like we've, whenever we see each other, it's really cool.

And that's it.

Yeah.

I mean, but I have no animosity towards anyone else.

I was just going to say, like, do you hold any hate in your heart for like Kyle?

No.

That was a long hesitation.

No, I mean, I actually have done like a lot of work in therapy where like if you hold on to stuff, it just messes with you.

It's like, like honestly kyle and i were cool for so long yeah and we got along for so long and like so i don't really remember like the last little blip i have i'm kind of like kyle choosing to remember the girl and kyle and i are both like big personalities you put people on reality tv like it's really a reality tv drama that happened like in my when i think about the friendships i'm like Yeah, if we weren't on a reality TV show, that dynamic would never have happened.

That's true.

And Amanda and I actually have texted, like, we have no animosity towards each other.

Okay, good.

Good, good, good.

Yeah.

And Kyle was the one who motivated you or inspired you maybe to name your podcast Giggly Squad, right?

Yes.

Yeah.

Do you think that kills him?

I think that he should feel honored.

Yeah.

You guys are just like out of the way.

We love a collab.

Being successful, selling out big theaters.

On a podcast tour.

He knew that Paige and I liked to giggle a lot and it annoyed him.

But

what's something sometimes people hate can make someone love.

Yeah.

But shout out to all the giggly girlies.

That's right.

Okay, next up, we've got some shocking royal news.

Kate Middleton has broken a royal rule and has shamed the entire family.

Yeah, everyone is seeing red because Princess Kate Middleton was spotted sporting a crimson-colored nail polish as she stepped out for church service on Easter Sunday.

She was pictured looking perfect in royal blue, but the beauty's contrasting red-tipped fingers perturbed many royalists as it's been widely reported that the late Queen Elizabeth II disapproved of bright nail polish.

According to multiple outlets, the queen stuck to one light pink color named by Essie Ballet Slippers and expected other royal women to do the same.

Some on social media claimed that Kate didn't exactly nail it with one writing, too bad the whole royal family photo op is ruined by Kate's brazen red nail polish.

It's not protocol and Kate Middleton has shamed the entire family.

Disgusting.

Another raged.

Megan Markle was slaughtered for breaking protocol just for wearing a nail polish that wasn't pink.

Now here is Kate Middleton wearing red nail polish.

Will we be told how bold and daring she is?

Now I want to say this is moronic.

Beyond next level moronic, Megan Markle should be allowed to wear red nail polish, as should Kate Middleton.

I will say at least Kate waited for Queenie to die to whip out the red nail polish.

See, I think she should be canceled.

Yeah, I think we should remember old tweets.

Yeah, and I think she should be stoned.

And I think that like...

It's a start.

I mean, what else more horrible things could she be doing if she's wearing red nail polish?

Also, like, clearly she's a bitch.

Yeah.

Clearly.

She doesn't support women.

She does not support women.

And specifically

women in comedy.

She's probably in with Jen Shaw.

Yeah.

And I think

based on these photos, she's a homophobe.

And I think that the, you know,

ADL should get involved because this feels anti-Semitic.

Yeah.

And I'm upset.

She's definitely like.

You know what?

I'm disappointed.

Kate, do better.

Do better.

Have we asked her about abortion rights yet?

Right.

No, I mean, maybe.

Or is she saying something about gun laws?

I think there's something there with the red.

Maybe this is her speaking to us.

You know, she's limited in what she can say.

They're not political.

So maybe.

It's a cry for help.

Maybe she's telling us something.

Maybe the red is, maybe she's a Republican.

Or maybe,

or I don't know what red could similarly.

Maybe she likes the the blood of children.

Maybe it's a statement on the Dalai Lama.

Oh!

He's always wearing that red.

Red

or maybe she's supporting spritz.

Maybe she's letting everyone know that her favorite spritz is grapefruit.

She is a grapefruit girly.

That's probably it.

Yeah, if we had to, let's be conservative.

Like, that's what she's.

Yeah, we don't want to be like reach.

Yeah, we don't want to be radical.

No, that's very good.

Good to know she's a grapefruit girly.

But all I know is

I'm not listening to her anymore.

Yeah.

Not that she spoke.

I'm so disappointed.

I'm so disappointed.

I used to like her too.

I used to like her.

I used to like her.

But now

I see her.

I see like a new side of her.

And I find it disgraceful.

And honestly, anti-patriotic.

But her husband could do nothing wrong.

King, literally.

Future king.

No one talked about his nails.

So true.

He probably is like crusty, cuticle-y.

He's definitely not fingering her.

Do the royals finger each other?

You know what?

The royals don't make eye contact when they have sex.

I am, actually, and not to speak for Jackie and I, but Jackie and I, we are monarchists.

Like, we love the crown.

We love the royal family.

Yes.

So I'm just going to choose, like, out of respect not to talk about her vagina.

Okay, so you don't support free sexuality and other women?

In the royals?

Agreed.

Well,

muted point.

Yeah.

Are you disappointed?

I mean, I feel like

I feel like I need to give an apology for even asking you that.

No, no, no, no, no.

You're fine.

Okay, but let me know if you need one.

I have the dumbest fifth and final story because it was a slow day, but I feel like

I would like your thoughts.

The FBI is warning the public against using those public phone charging stations.

So the FBI is warning consumers about juice jacking where bad actors are using public chargers to infect phones with malware.

So the law enforcement agency says consumers should avoid using public chargers at malls and airports and stick to their own USB cables and charging plugs.

So avoid using the free charger.

They tweeted, avoid using the free charging stations in airports, hotels, or shopping centers.

People have figured out a way to use public USB ports.

So, not even the chargers.

They're saying don't use public USB ports.

You know how, like, at the airport, they have outlets and USB ports.

Well, it's always like emergency mode when you need to use it.

But they're saying do not use it because you can introduce malware and monitoring software onto your device.

Carry your own charger and USB cord and use an electrical outlet instead.

Who is malware?

What is a malware?

That's such a good question.

Because, like, as the IT department, so it's my understanding based on my limited knowledge that malware is basically like viruses.

I feel like it's 2023.

Like, how is my phone still getting a virus?

I know.

And to me, like, the virus thing sounds like a little bit of a conspiracy theory, but having like freaks monitor you, like that I could see happening.

Like people hacking into USB ports so they can monitor like young girls' phones.

But I do have to say, I love attention.

I love attention.

Monitor me.

I want people to be watching and be like, oh, that TikTok video did do well.

Oh, she's so quirky.

Oh, she is, you know, checking your email.

She's at zero.

She's not like other girls.

She's not like other girls.

A lot of cat videos.

Yeah.

We could do without.

What would like a hacker find on your phone?

For me, they would find like some of the most like vile shit talking.

Like I, when I'm like feeling like a safe space and I'm like talking shit with like my sisters, I say some of the most shit.

Are you a voice note girl?

No, I put that shit right in.

I am

so fucking evil.

I say the meanest shit.

Like I say what's what's really on my mind.

I want it on record.

Paige and I will voice note for like an hour.

And my mom was visiting the other week, and she was like, fucking call her.

And I'm like, no, no, no, it's an art.

Well, that's the other thing.

I don't actually text that much.

Everything I do is FaceTime.

Oh.

I'm such a FaceTime girl.

And then you get to look at yourself too during it.

Like you're starring in a movie.

I actually have like a phone stand next to my bed so I can put my FaceTime on the phone while I legs.

Resting.

So I don't have to like hold it up in the morning.

Yeah, and you don't want to get like a kink in your neck.

What would we find find on your phone?

I am like so obvious.

Like in my explore page, it's like.

How to go viral.

No, it's like tennis strokes.

Oh, God.

Like I watch tennis

tutorials.

That's what Ben does for golf.

That's not weird.

I'm like an old man deep down.

I'm a retired old man deep down.

Yeah.

So tennis strokes,

stand-up comedy.

Yeah.

And then like so many animal videos.

It's insane.

I always forget that you're like a cat girl.

I am a cat girl, which is,

I rescued a senior pit bull before, so I'm better than all of you.

Yeah, you are.

I'm gonna, we're gonna be in West Hampton this summer and we're gonna foster some animals.

Shout out Southampton Animal Shelter.

Are you gonna be fostering cats or dogs?

M dogs, unless there's like a bunch of kittens,'cause'cause cats are more like you can't really take them for a week.

Yeah.

They're like, what is this?

Yeah.

They don't trust you.

I just I like I feel like we're so limited in where our friendship can go'cause like I can never go over to your house.

But I would not say hi to you.

She'd be under the couch.

No, I would like I wouldn't I actually would not step foot in your house just because like I can't.

Are you allergic?

No.

oh you just hate

Fluffy things that when you pet them they vibrate which is adorable.

No, I just hate cats like it's my like I

Are we gonna really end on this sour note?

No, no, no, yeah, and we have like a lot of cat the meow toasters But no, I love dogs you call them meows

I love all animals which you know cat people tend to like all animals dog people come for cats.

No, I'm very like niche.

I don't love but I do would argue that a King Charles is cat-like.

Oh my god, don't insult my son.

That's how you want to end the show.

You want to insult my son?

Noted, Hannah.

Don't talk about my family.

Noted.

Noted.

Blood is thicker than water.

Okay.

Disgusting.

My God.

Have you had Teresa on?

We have.

What have I got?

We actually had Teresa on like many moons.

We've had her recently, but the first time we had her was back when we were the morning breath, we did a live show and she was one of our guests.

And then we all went out to dinner afterwards.

That was back in the days when Cheech was working for Bravo.

And we all coordinated this dinner.

And it was like kind of surreal to be at dinner with Tree.

Her daughters weren't there, which was upsetting, but I would have loved to have seen her daughters.

And it was fabulous.

Like, she's definitely exactly who she is on TV

as she is in real life.

And I know that famous story of her when you worked at Betch's.

When you worked at Betch's, she came into the office and she was like, oh my God, girl with no job.

So what happened is I actually at Bech's, because I'm Italian, I thought that I just knew her last name and I called her.

and she just goes, what?

That's not my name.

And then, so we kind of, she was a great sporting.

How would you pronounce it?

Guidiche.

Yeah, I mean, forever it was Teresa Judice.

And then like years, years and years later, it came out that we were all saying it wrong.

It's actually Jiu Gice.

Yes.

But now

you know the names.

But everyone still says Judice.

Yeah.

But I think Teresa Judice.

I think I say Jujiche now.

It was disrespectful of me.

It was.

But we got over it.

But fast forward, I saw her on the the street and she's waving at me.

I'm waving back and she goes, go with no job.

Oh my god.

And I was like, okay, she's a singing starlet.

And I was like, oh my god, she thinks I'm skinny.

Obviously, our dinner didn't have like that much of an impact on her.

We went to the Bowery Hotel.

We had a delicious pasta, Gemma, and she couldn't even remember my face.

So that feels good.

But that's like a true star.

I heard she doesn't listen.

She doesn't watch any episode, and I think that's why she survived reality TV.

That's actually.

Because I don't think she knows what's going on.

She's the best.

She doesn't get too in the weeds.

It's not that serious.

But she still eats and leaves no crumbs every single episode.

And she still remains the most toxic person on reality television.

Way worse than Jen Shaw.

Yeah.

And not Kate Militant, but...

Yeah, but I don't know, those nails changed everything.

Well, Hannah, it's been such a delight.

Thank you so much for being here.

If you guys just can't get enough of Hannah, make sure to follow her on TikTok.

Not that she needs any more followers.

Maybe you should follow me on TikTok.

And check out, she has two podcasts.

One, of course, she hosts with Paige from Summerhouse.

It is called People's Squad.

And then she has her own more interview-based, like more serious, a little bit more mental health

called Burning in Hell.

Burning spelled B-E-R-N.

You are such a journalist.

I'm also going to be at the West Hampton Theater this summer.

Oh, it's literally so fun.

If the girlies want to come.

Oh, I know girlies want to come.

The Long Island girlies to a toaster.

That theater is so nice and perfect size and they have good snacks

in the back.

Okay, noted.

Noted.

Because I always get like my snacks, you know.

What's in your writer?

Oh, man, it's so embarrassing.

It's like like so many Keffering Free Di Pepsi, spritz, of course, sparkling water, flat water, a bottle of tequila, a shit ton of lemons, bag of baked lays, bag of pretzels, bag of baked ruffles.

And they always have a hard time finding it.

When I'm in like the middle of nowhere, they're like baked.

I'm like, you don't know baked lays.

It's so bizarre.

They're like late, just scrambling.

Chicken fingers, french fries, grilled chicken, white rice, and a Caesar salad.

Not for me.

That's amazing.

Yeah.

And maybe a grilled salmon for Ben.

I'm so bad with riders.

Oh my God, I can't get enough free shit on my writer.

Or they'll get my writer wrong.

And there was like a huge deli sandwich the other day.

And I was like, I didn't.

And they were like, that was in your writer.

And I was like, oh, my team messed up.

Sorry.

Did you eat it?

Absolutely not.

Oh.

I can't.

I'm not going to eat a full ham salami pro volone cheese.

Well, I want to come to your show.

Oh, get out of here.

You came to my show, right?

Yes.

At West Hampton.

Yes, you got me tickets.

Yeah.

I went in the back.

I said hi.

I'm going to need some tickets.

You're very busy.

I also, yeah, I have a New York show in Times Square.

I know it's Times Square, blah.

But on the 27th, there's...

Of April?

Of April.

I'm at stagecoach.

With all the bachelor people.

Yeah.

Oh my god, make out with Blake.

No.

Oh, you're not into Blake?

No.

First of all, I'm married.

I don't know if you're.

Second of all, I think, like, on a personality level, there's probably not anyone on reality TV that I was like more immediately put off by than Blake.

And three, he's dating Giannina from Love is Blind, which is the funniest, weirdest thing of all time.

I've actually met him and he's really nice.

He's really cool, but maybe not like

not

right enough for you to leave your marriage.

No, there's a few people I would leave my husband for,

and he's not one of them.

Who would you leave your husband for?

Great question.

And don't say nobody, like Luanne.

My rose is my husband.

I'm like, I'm so, I mean, I'm so obsessed with him.

It's really annoying because we don't see each other a lot.

No, but still, you need to answer.

Pedro Pascal on This is the The Last of Us.

This is us.

Very different.

The Last of Us.

Okay, that's a good one.

Mine's John Mayer.

But I justify it by saying, actually, Ben looks a lot like John Mayer.

So you would sit in a room while he just gets inspired and starts playing the guitar and like

working with you.

I mean, just think about it.

I mean, you haven't seen them, but Mike Jugs are extremely inspiring.

And I think he would write like some beautiful songs about my body.

Oh.

Like once he sees these tits, it's over.

Okay.

Are you starting an OnlyFans?

Is this your drama?

Ben, you know, my husband Ben has a podcast with Josh Peck.

Yes.

It's so, it's literally so good.

Josh Peck is so personable.

I so everything.

I'm obsessed.

Yeah.

And they had on the episode that came out yesterday with Tana Mongeau.

And she's an OnlyFans girl.

And she actually started, she has a really cool business where she started an agency where she represents other OnlyFans content creators and gets them set up

and promotes them.

It's actually really smart.

Women supporting women.

And she said that if Josh and Ben started like a non-nude OnlyFans, like they could do a million dollars in a month.

That's crazy because I've highly, I've been told that my foot has a good arch.

Don't know what that means.

Let's see.

I mean,

I mean,

I didn't shave very well.

And I do have a lot of colours.

They're not that high quality.

Okay, good.

But

I think like foot modeling, like if we have to.

Yeah, and you could do it anonymously as a foot OnlyFans person.

Or like be really non-anonymous with it.

Oh, yeah, blow it up.

Yeah.

As seen on Bravo.

Chat room for 42 episodes.

Hannah, you are a doll.

You are a delight.

Thank you so much for gracing us with your presence.

Thank you.

This went by so fast.

And I love the toasters.

Shout out to all of them.

And shout out to the giggly toasters.

Make sure to follow Hannah anywhere you can find her and go listen to her podcast and go see her on tour.

She's constantly on tour.

What is the website for your tickets?

Oh yeah, hannabrenner.com, Boston, Vegas, Louisville, Tempe.

Stuff coming up.

Tempe, dark.

Thank you guys so much for listening to the Toast of the Millennium Morning Show where we deliver the fastest story.

You need to know everybody Friday on YouTube.

If you're watching us on YouTube, please subscribe and leave the video a thumbs up.

We're also available as podcasts and we're podcasting.

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First of all, Toastmasters, Five Services, how beautiful, stunning, and wickedly talented we are.

Hope you guys have an amazing day.

We'll see you tomorrow in studio with The Snatchler.

Margo Snitch is joining us.

You don't want to miss it.

You don't want to miss it.

Bye.