Big Dicks and Big Jugs with Ben Soffer: Tuesday, April 4th, 2023

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Hey, Zach!

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No, Donald.

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Good morning, millennials, and welcome back to the show's happy Tuesday.

Hope everyone's having a great day.

I am, because out of all this podcast studios in all the world, you decided to walk into mine.

Hey, Ben, my co-host for today.

How you you doing?

I'm doing great.

How are you doing?

Thank you so much for being here on show notice.

Show.

I'm having a stroke.

Short notice, Jax was unavailable today, and I thought, hmm, I have so many options for co-hosts down here.

Livia, she was child-rearing, so she was not available.

While you were my only choice, you were also my first choice.

Also, as we discussed on the Patreon, I really have come into my own as a podcaster since I now have basically an award-winning podcast that had Hillary Duff on it that like blew up the internet.

Honestly, I am like, should be your first choice.

And you can take that, Taylor Striker.

I feel like this is the first time that you have been on the toast proper since you were in People Magazine.

And we actually have a lot of stories today from People Magazine.

You know, it's a critically acclaimed journalistic beacon.

How does that feel?

How do you feel like you've changed as a podcast host since being on People Magazine?

I mean, it's also the first time that I've been on the toast since being deemed a proper celebrity by myself.

Oh, yeah.

We spoke about it on Patreon, but

I am like a celebrity, phenom, people magazine,

CEO, CEO, founder, society.

Yeah.

Use code toast.

If people are looking for Ben to answer for a lot of what we've been talking about on the toast the last couple of weeks, you know, beans, celebrity, passport.

We did a whole hour-long Patreon last week.

Ben joined me and we talked, we talked through it.

And I feel like we're in a better place now.

Do you agree?

Yeah, it was like really Judge Judy.

We both judged each other.

And then at the end, we came to decide that

some of the stuff I was wrong for,

you didn't admit to any of your faults.

What was I wrong for?

We discussed that potentially the way that you dragged out the flashlight gate was a bit harsh given Theo's condition.

But again, no spoilers.

Go and sign up for Patreon so you can listen.

We're not doing it here.

I also don't feel like it's healthy for us to rehash.

You know, we've moved past it.

We've rehashed.

Are you excited to hop on the toast?

I feel like something's so underrated about you that I think I was just telling Jackie is you like low-key are not like really at all caught up on like pop culture.

No, I live in my own world in my own bubble.

And when I do get like just a little piece of info,

I like run with it.

Right.

And one of the stories today that I chose specifically for you is all about Caitlin Clark.

Oh, great.

Because I know that's actually something you weirdly like fell into a rabbit hole on and you have become quite taken with.

Yeah, I mean, we spoke about this yesterday.

Hi, Bruno.

Oh, Bruno just joined us.

We spoke about this yesterday.

For those of you that don't know Caitlin Clark, she is the star of Iowa women's basketball.

I just read that.

Yeah, by the way, there is no Iowa women's WNBA team.

By the way, why the fuck would I know that?

I don't know.

So true.

Apparently, the national championship game last night got like the most views in the history of 9 million people watched it.

9 million.

More than most NBA games this year.

Major League Soccer.

Yeah, Yeah, like big time numbers, and it's all because of Caitlin Clark.

This girl from Iowa is like unbelievable, and it's like the first time that people actually give a shit about women's sports, and it's huge for women's sports because not only is she good, but the new NIL rules, I don't know if you're familiar with them, but this is the first year where women or like

college athletes get to get paid.

So she made like a million bucks already.

And so like all the chatter is.

Caitlin Clark is so big in college, why the fuck would she go to the WNBA to make peanuts?

She can stay in college, be the face of March Madness, bring in all this cash, and all of a sudden it's like a legitimate career for her over a couple, because she has three more years of eligibility.

Right.

No, and then what you and I were saying was like, honestly, if she's that great, she should be able to audition for the NBA.

She should.

It should be a meritocracy.

I'm sure she's better than some of the scrubs who sit on the bench.

Yeah, probably not, but like, it's possible.

Oh, probably not, you think?

No, like, we can see.

Like, I, I don't, I don't know.

Like, it's always hard when you're not playing against your competition to truly know how you'd play against other competitions.

Right.

Right.

Like, it looks like she would be like, and maybe she would be.

We just don't know.

We just don't know.

But back to what I was saying, I found Caitlin Clark on TikTok.

Yes.

And just like TikTok, the way that it builds stands

is amazing.

I saw her and then all of a sudden I'm like, when is the national championship game?

I got to watch her.

And all of a sudden, we're in the car in Florida coming from our beautiful vacation, coming to Jackie's house.

And I looked and they were down 20 and then they got blown out.

So my one day of being a Caitlin Clark fan, I forced them to lose.

But we have an interesting story because there's like more drama after the game.

So we'll talk about that.

It's our fifth and final.

Teaser.

Because, you know, it's an important story, but it's still women's sports.

So it goes to the fifth and final slot.

But thank you for joining me here today.

I appreciate you being here.

And I'm excited to get your take on some of the stories.

I tried to, of course, tailor the stories a little bit to you, but

it's unavoidable.

So I'll explain everything, you know?

Cool.

Cool.

Can we talk about training day?

Oh, my God.

Okay, you guys.

One thing about Ben is like when I met him, and still to this day, Ben has like never seen any movie that's like popular popular or legendary he hadn't seen the godfather he hadn't seen my cousin Binny and he's watched those two since then but Ben recently has been watching like other really well-known really popular films acting he has not stopped talking about training day acting like he's the first person to ever see this movie I mean it's just like you watch these like dumbass shows like the Oscars and you're watching these movies that fucking suck like Training Day should win today because somebody can watch it today and Denzel should be awarded best actor again because the movie is that good and I just don't care about these noobs like it the movies are just no good I just like I don't see anything.

Like, what about Leonardo DiCaprio and Blood Diamond?

Like, why is nobody talking about that?

Ben also recently just saw Blood Diamond for the first time.

Didn't you find that scene where they were shooting up the kids with drugs to be so chilling?

I never forgot it.

I did find it chilling, which is why that kid should win Best Supporting Actor in this year's Oscars, as opposed to that fucking movie that won for VR like 900 awards.

What was that?

Everything everywhere all at once.

Yeah.

Oh, speaking of which, the star, what's her name?

Michelle Yeo.

I just watched her in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon,

which

was amazing.

And she should have won best actress in that.

Ben is like 10 years delayed on films.

Have you ever seen...

I'm like that person.

What was that story where that girl was hidden in the bunker?

Is that Kimmy Schmidt?

Yeah.

What is that story?

Sorry, that show.

Well, no, Kimmy Schmidt.

Kimmy Schmidt was loosely based off of some actual mole woman.

Yeah, so I'm out.

I'm like stuck in 2000.

I'm watching all like the...

The new movies, but also my taste in music.

Ben, the way you are stuck in the 2000s with your movies and music is the the way I'm stuck in like the early 2000s in terms of basketball.

Totally.

Yeah.

Like when I was in the 11th grade, I really was into the Knicks for approximately two years and I knew everything.

Like I was obsessed.

I knew all the players.

I would go to the games.

I would like watch and everything.

And then I slowly stopped caring.

So whenever me and Ben go to Knicks games, like my reference point in terms of data on the Knicks is Tyson Chandler, Raymond Felton, Mello, you know, three to the dome, bro.

Three to the dome.

Yeah, and they have all retired.

So

they're no longer in the Yarmouth.

They're no longer in the league.

Yarmi your yager.

That's a ranger.

Yeah.

Ranger goalie.

Yeah.

Good times.

Good times.

So let's dive in.

What do you say?

Sure.

Here's the fast five stories that you, yes you, need to know.

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All right, our free.

What you guys don't do before you take out your money?

Oh, wait.

Way to like not support our show.

You don't know anything.

No, we don't do the crunch anymore.

By the way, I support.

Do you know how inundated my TikTok is with clips?

I love

my reels.

Like, you guys are popping off on the social platforms.

I feel like I don't even need to tune into the show.

Well, you don't, so.

Cool.

And maybe you do need to tune into the show or else you would know that we don't do the crunch.

Maybe if you had a business that you want to do.

Why did you decide to remove the crunch?

We're not the...

Wait, why did we decide to remove the crunch?

Because the fat side stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your toast.

Your morning toast.

Yeah, I think it was because like our remote setup didn't really allow that sort of special effect.

But like you could just use like a pre-recorded me.

We could if we wanted to nauseate people and we don't because the toast seeks to heal.

Okay.

All right.

Our first story, which I did choose specifically for you because it's about Judaism.

And one thing about you is that you can find really any route to end up talking about Judaism.

And there's a person in this story who I've been told so many times that you look like.

Have you heard about this?

No, but I'm sure I'm going to hate it.

No, no, no, he's cute.

So Sophia Ritchie, Lionel Ritchie's daughter, Nicole Ritchie's sister, is converting to Judaism ahead of her wedding to Elliot Grange.

And Elliot Grange actually looks a lot like you, Ben.

Let me show you a picture.

I mean, he just is like a brunette and wears glasses and kind of has like a actually, he really doesn't look like you, but he just has your glasses.

It's literally, you literally do stand up on this and talk about Beanie Feldstein, and you are literally doing this to me.

No, he just like, oh, does every brunette that has glasses?

And by the way, I am like, sorry, much more handsome than that.

You put 40 pounds on that man, he's not good looking anymore.

40?

My God.

I'm totally kidding.

10.

Yeah, 10.

So she's converting to Judaism and like nobody knew.

I mean, everyone knew she was getting married.

She has a huge engagement ring and it was all really cute.

And then she posted yesterday on Instagram a picture of her sitting at a desk in what appears to be a shul or synagogue of some sorts because there's a stained glass window behind her.

And she's sitting in front of some sort of scripture.

And she wrote, What a magical day.

I want to thank Nathan, thank Cantor Nathan Lamb for helping me along this journey of converting to Judaism.

It has been one of the greatest experiences of my life.

Today was that day with five Jewish star emojis.

Wow.

Isn't that nice?

Unbelievable.

We need more Jews.

We need more cool Jews.

Yeah, we do.

And Jews who like are open to posting about their Judaism online.

I find so many celebrities who are Jewish like never talk about it.

It's almost like they're ashamed.

And the best part, like some people are like weird about conversion.

I absolutely love converted Jews because I think that they just take Judaism so much more seriously than 99.9% of people that were born into being Jews who just said, oh, I went to Hebrew school once, so like I'm good.

Or I have like a roast on the holiday, so so I'm good.

Like they learn truly what it means to be Jewish.

It's honestly probably like such a cool experience to like learn all about the customs and stuff when you're old enough to appreciate it.

It was just kind of like we were learning it so young, we didn't really understand like a lot of the meaning.

And so I think that's why so many people who convert end up being like more devout and more religious than people who were born Jewish, because you have like a, a different appreciation for it.

I see a business.

What?

You want to be, you know, you're not a lot of proselytized.

No, no, no, not, not conversion, but maybe it's like a course

for older Jews that are looking to get into it where we can charge money.

And because we're like a religious institution, we could also like make a shoal and not pay taxes.

Yeah, I'm so down to not pay taxes.

So the daughter of Lionel Ritchie was raised Christian and she attended Oaks Christian School in West Sike Village for a few years.

She's openly discussed the importance of her faith and now she's joining ours.

This is a good one.

Sophia Ritchie is so cool.

I completely forgot that she was Lionel Ritchie's daughter.

And you know, I am Lionel's number one fan.

Hello, is it me you're looking for?

That was so keep going.

Yeah, that was good.

I can see it in your eyes.

I can see it in your smile.

You're part of like the 1% of people our age who hear hello and don't think of Adele.

No, Lionel.

Yeah, I know.

And if you've seen that music video, it's incredibly controversial.

Is it?

Oh, yeah.

It's just like about some blind girl who like puts her hands out, like can't see anything.

It's like, hello.

Oh, it's Abolis.

He's like talking to a blind girl.

They're saying it's ableist.

Is that what they're saying?

No, it's just like weird.

That is definitely weird.

It's just like a strange.

And like, I'm 100% sure that Lionel did not cast a blind girl to play the blind girl.

No, you think he had nothing to do with the casting?

No, it's just like remembering glee.

Who was the kid who was in a wheelchair?

Oh, oh, oh, Artie.

Okay, so you're saying that you don't think the girl in the music video was actually blind in real life?

No, I just don't think that there are many blind actresses.

But there are enough that she could have been cast.

Yeah, no, it's not like you can find a blind actress.

I don't know if there's like many, many famous ones, but you're right about that guy in glee, Kevin McHale, who played Artie, was not a paraplegic.

Also, fun fact about Kevin McHale.

Kevin McHale is a very famous basketball coach.

Not him, but like

really famous.

Not Artie, like a different.

A guy named Kevin McHale.

Oh, that's also Artie's name.

Yeah, tough for Artie, like in Google SEO.

He'll just never pop up.

That, you know, is also a problem.

For Brian Kelly, the points guy.

Yeah, yes.

There's a very, very famous football coach for Notre Dame.

Yeah.

Brian Kelly.

Very famous.

And I feel like I'm always saying this story.

One half of the former band known as Florida, Georgia line is also named Brian Kelly.

Oh, I did not know that.

Tyler Hubbard and Brian Kelly.

If I had to bet, I bet that our Brian Kelly will eventually surpass the other Brian Kellys in their notoriety on Google.

Well, Brian Kelly from Florida, George Line, spells it differently, and the band is now defunct.

He's still acting.

He's still working.

He's a Y.

I think it's K-E-L-L-E-Y.

Oh, but he's a B-R-I-A-N.

Yeah.

I just feel like anybody, like in country music, you're immediately Brian.

Brianne.

Brianne.

Brian.

Right?

You're not Brian.

You're Brianne.

Well, phonetically, yes, you are Brianne.

Brianne.

So,

Nicole Richie, I mean, Sophia Ritchie is joining the faith, and I, for one, am thrilled.

Thrilled?

Thrilled.

Yeah, it's amazing.

We got to convert Lionel.

Maybe he'll be so taken by his daughter's, you know, journey that he'll be so inspired himself to then write a song, Shalom.

Shalom.

Is it

God you're looking for?

Oh my God.

And then he'll start converting other people with the rewrite of this song.

Yes.

It's getting very weird Al.

No, it's, yeah, by the way, Weird Al.

Let's go off on so many tangents.

It's okay to go.

This is why you're here.

Weird Al.

Unbelievable.

Do you think you're Weird Al Yankovic's number one fan?

No.

Matt Hardoon is Weird Al Yankovic.

Your best friend.

Number one fan.

But I'm a big fan.

I think just the way that he parodied Complicated into Constipated.

And the way that he parodied

Riding Dirty to White and Nerdy.

And that's really like you to a T.

Or Gangster's Paradise to Amish Paradise.

I mean, he is a true visionary.

I actually think that Jackie would really enjoy his work.

You know, you and I were actually weirdly talking about Weird Owl before bed, like three nights ago, and we were trying to guess what his net worth was.

Yeah, it's too low.

Yeah.

But like, he basically just made like YouTube videos, you know?

He was before his time.

If he existed now.

TikTok.

Oh, he'd be the bees knees.

Yeah, that's actually true.

All right, ready for our next story?

I'm ready.

Kendall Jenner and Bad Bunny are cuddling up while sharing a horse on a romantic date.

Sharing a whore?

A horse.

So Kendall Jenner and Bad Bunny have taken their romance to the stables.

The duo shared a horse while on a date on the Hidden Hills Equestrian Center on Sunday in photos obtained by PMZ.

Kardashian sat up front and the singer was holding on tight from behind.

He dressed casually for the weekend in a tan jacket and black pants.

So this is revolutionary for a multitude of reasons, but mostly because we never really have gotten confirmation on whether these two were dating.

They were spotted leaving somewhere, going to the same place, but not actually like a photo.

And this is pretty much like a confirmation.

And the Bad Bunny fans, especially a lot of our Hispanic toasters, are not happy about this.

They are very anti i think because they really see themselves as the perfect woman for bad bunny and they don't think like kendall really can truly understand the man that is bad bunny yeah i also i'm sure that you've seen the comparative photos but devin booker and bad bunny are the same person oh you think they look alike identical oh really i never thought of that yeah look up the two of them they are they look the same

i actually don't think so okay i feel like bad bunny's way taller google bad bunny devin booker comparison photo and you'll get a side by side they they look so similar they like actually look nothing alike but I respect your your bad call okay I mean are you blind like the woman in hello

they look a lot alike but I would be pissed if I was a bad bunny fan which it's not that I'm not a bad bunny fan I just have not

you're still listening to music from 2008 exactly I'll I'll catch him when I'm like 60

literally but

The Kardashians have had trouble with their men and keeping them sane.

So the fans are probably just maybe worried that Bad Bunny will go down the path.

The Kardashian curse.

Not that it's real.

Maybe it's just a coincidence.

That's a fair assumption.

I did want to, I knew you wouldn't care about this story, but it did give me the opportunity to ask a question.

If you could date any Kardashian, like, who do you think is the prettiest?

Like, who do you, who are you most attracted to in a hypothetical sense?

Because I know you're not attracted to anyone but Theo.

I'm not attracted to anybody but Theo.

And you.

Yeah.

Kylie.

100%.

Really?

Yeah.

Like 200%.

I find that interesting.

Really?

I don't know why.

I thought you, I don't even know what you were going to say, but like,

okay, like, now I hate Kylie.

Continue.

Like, why Kylie?

I don't know.

I think that she's just like the most pretty and semi-like.

I don't want to say anything mean.

No, I don't want you to say mean.

No, I know it's a good thing.

Are you talking about her face or her body?

No, she just, well, we're not getting into specifics here.

But she just, she just looks like the most like a

regular.

a regular person to me.

I feel like people would say that Kendall looks like the most that just because she hasn't had work doesn't mean that she's like the most relatable like Kendall is still like I look at her.

I'm like, oh my god, like this is an enormous like

in the future when you get asked this question and you answer Kylie your answer would be because she looks most like my wife.

She looks most like my wife.

That's what I said.

No.

But in the future, if you find yourself in a situation like, oh, who would you rather?

You know, Alessandra.

You look the most like Kylie of all of them, would you not say?

No, I don't think I would say that.

Do you think you look the most like?

Probably Rob.

Oh.

Yeah.

No, I mean, that's not true.

See, like, whenever people ask my celebrity crush, I always say John Mayer, and they're like, oh, really?

Why?

I'm like, because he looks like Ben.

That's just not true.

You've also said that about, no, I'm not saying it's not true that I look like John Mayer, because maybe I do.

Maybe I don't.

I also, apparently, according to the toasters, look like Jon Favreau.

So it depends on

the day at which you get asked that question.

No, I'm just saying.

I mean, for future references.

But you've also mentioned Harry Styles.

No, I have not.

Really?

You've never spoken emotionally about Harry Styles or romantically?

Romantically, no.

Emotionally, probably.

Like, that's what I do for a living.

I mean, you're literally lying.

No, I'm literally not.

I've seen the clips.

I have the read receipts.

No, the clip that you're referring to is when we were talking about who would we rather hypothetically sleep with.

Yeah, I've never been asked any question like that, nor would I ever answer it.

You just, I want to sleep with my wife.

You didn't ask me, who do I want to sleep with actually that's not what we said we said who we want to settle down with even worse okay sleeping with is a one-time thing settling down is a whole lifetime i'm gonna have to start blocking you from the toast so you don't see our clips because you're a really toxic you're kind of one of those toxic toasters no you guys are toxic no i see the clips everybody's so mean to me

okay you're toxic okay you're toxic because you're the one taking clips out of context yeah sure

you clip them We didn't even talk about it.

Why don't you give context and what you clip?

You control what you clip.

The whole point is just supposed to be a teaser, so you go to to listen to the whole episode.

But if you just listen to the clips, you are digesting information without context, thus giving you toxic thoughts and leanings.

Interesting.

You have toxic thoughts and leanings.

Interesting.

So Bad Bunny and Kendall Jenner are probably dating, and I'm fine with it.

A lot of people are not, but like, I am okay with it.

How much weight can a horse hold?

I guess between the two of them, though, they probably still weigh less than me.

Yeah, she has to.

And I've been on a horse.

Have anybody seen that majestic photo of me at Brian's Ranch?

Well, the thing about Brian is Brian's...

Oh, true, Brian.

yeah brian has huge horses because Brian's almost seven feet tall

what no those horses are dinosaurs yeah he has really big horses and so when we go horseback riding Eugenio who runs the horse farm he knows which horses to put you on which horses to put me on horses so that we have you know different horses can hold different weights true Okay, are you ready for our next story?

I am.

Have you been following at all, Vanderpemperls?

You know what's going on here?

I watched the one episode with you where I'm so sorry to keep bringing this up, but Lala was so mean.

Like I just watched it and I'm like, this, like, how mean are you?

Like, what kind of karma is coming back to you for how mean you are to this poor girl?

So, we talked about this on the Patreon, and I don't want to be repetitive, but let me just give some backstory.

Ben watched one episode when they were in Vegas, the episode of Raquel had a panic attack, and then they were attacking her at dinner, the Havasui episode, like Havasu.

And Ben knew what was going on in the...

culture and in the context of the affair and everything, but he was solely focused on Lala.

Yeah.

Okay.

So that's, this is the story, ready?

Ariana Maddox is wearing the ultimate skin-bearing revenge dress for the Vanner Pump Rules reunion.

So the reunion was filmed maybe like a week ago, and we just are now getting pictures of everyone's outfits.

It was all kept really under wraps.

And I think everybody wanted to see, you know, this is the first time Ariana is seeing her ex-man with his new girlfriend, which is literally your ex-best friend.

And, you know, you want to stunt.

You want to look.

And she looks, let me show you a picture.

And you could say she looks beautiful.

I won't be offended.

She looks amazing.

The dress, the hair, look, I'm showing Ben a picture beautiful like sexy like she looks great yeah so everyone was shook the house down because

i don't know what we were expecting her to look

but honestly it was better than i had even imagined so The upcoming Vanner Pump Rules reunion is bound to be the most dramatic one in show's history.

Earlier this year, the news broke that longtime couple and VPR co-stars Tom and Ariana have called to quits after the Tom Tom co-owner cheated with their co-star, Raquel Levis.

So last night, Maddox really kind of broke the internet because revenge is a dish best served cold maddox is bringing her inner ice queen out with her red hot reunion dress for the upcoming drama filled episode maddox is on fire in her skin tight cut out red dress.

The head turning looks, the head turning look shows off her toned physique with only two pieces of fabric covering part of her chest and her abs.

She finished off the look with an exact matching manicure and stacks of silver rings and pinstraight hair to add to the sultry drama.

So I think everyone was like really, it's always exciting to see what people wear to the reunion, but this is like a much more high stakes reunion especially for ariana she looks amazing i mean this dress is so hot her body looks incredible her glam is everything and she just looks

she just looks amazing and i'm so happy for her and everyone is really everyone's just rooting for ariana and it's so exciting to be on the same team as everyone for once because i find that when jacks and i are on the toast we're always giving our thoughts on like pop culture things and everyone's always like team this or team that we are always on the unpopular team so it's nice to be on the popular team yeah but you're also never on the cheating team no no no there's not there's only one team to be on That's the thing.

That's what Jackie's always saying.

It's like there can't be anybody on the other team.

Right.

Everyone's walking around.

Infidelity.

Everyone's walking around in like teeth.

Do you still call it infidelity?

Everyone's like walking around in like team Ariana shirts.

And it's like, well, okay, like what other team is there?

There's literally no other team.

No other team.

No.

Do you still call it infidelity when you're not married?

Yeah, yeah.

Infidelity, I don't think is restricted to marriage.

I think it's restricted to like monogamy.

Coop.

Yeah.

But they were like in a 10-year like domestic partnership or whatever.

I thought they were married.

Well, that was like a big point of contention.

And honestly, I feel like it's

they should break up, obviously, because he's having an affair, but they should have broken up a long time ago because like he very much like wants more of a traditional marriage, kids.

And like she's been very clear from the beginning that she doesn't want either of those things.

And I feel like those are two things like you really can't,

those are deal breakers.

Those are huge things in a relationship.

He's mentioned that he wants marriage and kids.

Yeah.

Yet cheats.

Right.

That doesn't make any sense.

No, that's not.

If anything, she should be the one cheating.

Right.

Because she doesn't want to get married.

Right.

But instead, it was him.

Yeah.

It's really, it's all a hoax.

And over the weekend, she was out of town.

They share a house together.

Still?

Yeah.

Well, I don't know what their living situation is, but she's been living there and he has not.

But she went out of town and he went to the house and Raquel came over.

She was spotted by Paparazzi

bringing like a suitcase inside.

Is that crazy?

This was recent?

No, like a couple days ago.

Oh my God.

It's disgusting, right?

Go to a hotel.

No, it's

so cheap.

It's so disgusting.

Well, and he's cheap because he has all these dumb business ideas, like starting a that he has to pay.

He literally pays like 20 people to be in his band.

He has to pay them like $1,000 a day to start a band, to start two restaurants, one of them in a strip mall.

Like, of course, he can't stay at a hotel.

He definitely has no money.

I think he has points or a friend's house.

And a lot of the money that he makes,

they put into this house together.

Doesn't Raquel have a house?

Right.

I don't know why they couldn't go to Raquel's place.

That's a good call.

Seems like they're doing

a lot.

Like, I also thought this when it was happening, like, Vanderpump was not very popular.

What do you mean?

It just seemed like the show could really use a bit of a scandal.

I mean, of course, the show was headed for, you know, maybe a couple seasons left.

They had tried to shake it up.

They had fired people.

And this all of a sudden put a fire back under it.

And that would make it, it's a little too obvious.

Like, everybody's talking about you, but

you have a like.

Do you think it's staged?

That may, I didn't.

That makes me think it's it's staged.

Lisa or something is staged.

There were rumors circulating that Lisa Vanderpump and like Andy Paid, Raquel.

They have spoken directly to like press and on Twitter and stuff and been like, it's absolutely not true.

Like they can't believe this is going on.

But when you, when you know the history of the show, it's like not that crazy.

The show blew up because in the first season, Jax and Stasi were like this couple.

Everyone loved them, like it girl, you know?

And turns out the whole time, Jax was sleeping with Kristen Doty.

Like, this is what this group of friends does.

Like, they all sleep together, they betray each other to, like, the ends of the earth, and then they go back to being friends.

It's such a fucked up dynamic.

So something like this happening, like, it's entirely possible, but if you know the history.

Yeah.

Seems convenient.

Yeah.

This story is very strange.

I know.

But Ariana looked amazing.

I'm so happy for her and I cannot wait to see the reunion.

I'm sure it'll be three parts.

I also read online that we have 14 more episodes in the season before the reunion, which,

you know, before before this had happened, yeah, that would have made sense.

Like we've only seen a couple episodes, but to have to wait 14 episodes to like see something actually happen, that'd be so annoying.

That's more than three months.

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All right, ready for our next story?

Yes.

Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling go to the real world in the new Barbie trailer.

So they dropped the trailer for the Barbie movie.

I've seen this, actually.

You saw the trailer?

No, but I saw like him.

I knew that they were in it.

I knew they were doing it.

So there's been like a lot of hoopla, a lot of hype, but we've gotten like a few pictures.

We got some paparazzi photos of them filming in Venice Beach on Rollerblades.

But now we got an official trailer.

Get your rollerblades ready.

We're going to Barbie land.

The official full-length trailer debuted for Barbie on Tuesday.

Chose Margo Robbie front and center as the famous blonde, which with a bunch of other Barbies and Kens.

The comedy from director Greta Gerwig brings the iconic Mattel toys to life.

Starring alongside Robbie and as Barbie is Ryan Gosling as Ken, her male companion.

What do you think about that casting?

I think it's great.

I have actually a thought that I think will be a hot take.

Okay.

Because I saw the trailer and my immediate thought was like the thing about Barbie and Ken and why they're like toxic dolls.

Like if you want to get into that is like they're perfect.

You know, their bodies are perfect.

They don't have wrinkles.

And so Margo Robbie literally looks perfect.

She does not have a stitch of makeup out of place.

Ryan Gosling, not to be so rude, but like I can say because he's a man, he looks hella fucking old.

Like he's got wrinkles on his forehead.

And I'm just saying, if we want to be, you know, completely

accurate, he looks a little old.

I'm sorry.

And you know what?

It's about time somebody says that about a man.

So I feel good about that.

I feel good about saying that.

I think that they looked good.

I do agree that they probably could have found somebody that was a little bit more Ken-like.

Without making him be Ken-like.

Or just give him Botox.

Like his face just looked wrinkly.

Like, I'm sorry.

I didn't see that.

Okay.

So the whole premise of the movie is that like they live in Barbie land, but Barbie and Ken

end up in the real world and they have to like survive when they've only been living in Barbie land.

It looks really cute.

I'm not really sure if the movie is for adults or kids.

I'm 99% sure it's for adults.

If it's Margo Robbie and

who is it?

Ryan Gosling?

Right.

That's not for kids.

It's not for kids, right?

No, it's never what's it rated?

Right.

You know what?

I feel like maybe in the trailer they have the rating.

I was just like, I was watching this.

I'm like, this looks so cute, but like Barbies are for kids, but this movie looks like it's for

adults.

I'm not entirely sure.

Let me just, I'm going to look it up really quick.

I mean, it's 100% for adults.

You can look it up.

You think, yeah.

Yeah.

Like Barbies were like, this is a nostalgia play.

Right.

Like it's for people already.

For millennials that played with Barbies.

Kids still play with Barbies.

Yeah, sure.

I'm sure less.

I'm just looking up the rating.

I just want to kind of.

I'd actually be curious to know if more kids play with Barbies today or played with Barbies then.

No, they do.

I mean, Barbies are really popular, especially since they finally made Barbies like for everyone, you know?

Yeah.

They have all different shapes, sizes.

Is the Barbie movie going to be rated R?

This is not, this is a common question.

It's PG-13.

Okay.

Makes sense.

So it is not for kids.

Yeah.

R would have been like bad Barbie.

Like if you've seen bad Santa, like they obviously could have taken in that direction and made Barbie.

Barbie snorting Coke.

Yeah, or like she's a prostitute.

Yeah, yeah.

Honestly, it's a great movie.

Yeah.

Wow.

Like or like a pornhoe.

No, maybe it's like Barbie.

This is how we would do R-rated Barbie.

She's living this life, perfect life in Barbie land, but she wants more.

And she's like, she's kind of wanderless.

She wants to experience more things before she settles down with Ken.

So she kind of goes on like a rumpspringer, like they do in the Amish.

And she goes to the real world for her

for her rumspringer and

I think it's just a rum springer it's a rumpspringer trust me

I watched breaking amish it's a rum springer yay so she goes to the real world for her rumspringer and she like goes wild she's in New York City and she goes to strip clubs and she buys drugs and she makes out with girls and boys and she flashes her titties and I don't know where like the movie ends like does she end up wanting to live in the rumspringer or does it make her grateful for I think in the end like she's ends up in jail or something and she's like oh i just really wish i was home with ken right now and she clicks her heels three times and she ends up in with with ryan gosling back in barbie land my movie sounds good it's a great movie the only change that i would make is i'd make it a little bit more like elf because it really is it could be very similar yeah barbie gets dropped but all of a sudden she like literally needs to sell her body for cash and like the movie starts super dark no that gets dark it should be dark something like that it's like batman the new thing no it's not depressing when all of a sudden it's it's really a true

what is the right term?

Not coming of age, but like she goes from these dark

rags to riches.

Yeah.

I like mine better.

I guess they're both interesting.

I feel like we've been talking so fast.

Like we're already on the fifth story.

Like we're just like going a mile a minute.

Are we talking fast?

I don't know.

Rumshringa.

Springa.

Hey, Rumshpringa.

That's going to be like my new word.

You know, Jackie and I always like fixate on words.

Like we learn a new word.

Our new word is is acrimonious by the way i am realizing now that i'm taking a beat i'm like i know i feel like you've been sprinting i'm like at a roll yeah but like that was good conversation it was but like honestly people need to might might need to listen to this on half speed we were going crazy we were crazy there's a lot of like crossfire too i know you shoot i should you shoot i shoot you were kind of like cutting me off i shoot you shoot you shoot i should rum spring

Okay, the fifth and final story, though, is really what we brought you on for.

And I don't even know if you know about more of the aftermath.

There's like a lot of drama with iowa and lsu

i've seen i've seen by the way i'm fully up to date okay but let me give you let me read you up on everything so you know who angel reese is right okay angel reese calls jill biden's idea to invite both lsu and iowa to the white house quote a joke

so wait sorry is angel reese the coach no angel rees is the star player of lsu yes that i know so dr jill biden first lady has apparently decided against inviting both women's teams for them from the ncaa tournament

after LSU star Angel Rees reacted negatively to the idea on social media.

So the first lady, 71, who attended Sunday night's game between Louisiana State University and Iowa Hawkeyes, proposed the idea while speaking at the Colorado State Capitol in Denver.

So after the game, she said, so I know we'll have the champions come to the White House.

We always do.

So we hope LSU will come, you know, but I'm going to tell Joe Biden, I think Iowa should come too because they played such a good game.

Traditionally, only the winning team, the national champions, receive an invitation to the White House.

It's an honor.

And if Iowa had also received an invitation, it would be the first time that both title game teams were offered the opportunity.

ESPN reported on Joe Biden's suggestion shortly after, and then that caught the attention of Angel Reese from LSU.

She shared the link to ESPN's story and wrote, in all caps, a joke with three laughing emojis.

And then the LSU guard Alexis Morris also chimed in, suggesting that the team celebrate their win with former First Lady Michelle Obama instead.

Reese reshared

Morris's tweet and wrote,

that's the tweet.

So the

Alexis Morris tweeted, Michelle Obama, can we LSU national champs come celebrate our win at your house?

And then Angel Reese quote tweeted it and was like, yeah, that's the tweet.

So let's just backtrack, okay?

I kind of completely agree with Angel Reese.

Like, it's not, I get why Dr.

Jill wanted to invite Iowa.

Like part of the reason why so many people were invested in in this saga is because of Caitlin Clark.

But I'm sorry, that doesn't change the rules.

And, like, yeah, they won fair and square.

Like, then we're all winners at the White House.

That fucking sucks.

By the way, what kind of doctor is Dr.

Jill?

Um, like a PhD, like Ross Keller.

So a fraud.

She's a teacher.

Okay, fine.

No, I'm just saying, like, might as well be a dentist.

Right.

DDS.

Angel Reese is 100% right here.

Yeah.

And it's funny because I know we started talking about it.

The only reason that anybody watched that final was because of Caitlin Clark.

And the hype around.

And that's a fact.

Yeah.

The fact is,

LSU

beat Iowa fair and square.

And sports is about winning and losing.

Sports is not about thanks for coming.

That's so true.

Especially like competitive

professional sports

actually.

It's actually so demeaning almost.

It's very for the for the most televised women's sporting event in history for

the

losers.

No, for the president's wife to...

What do you call the president's wife?

I'm literally a little bit of a woman.

First lady.

First lady.

Oh, my God.

I was like, what do you call that?

Flotus.

Yes, yes.

For the first lady to suggest that all participants come.

No, you're taking that away from LSU.

Yeah, no, LSU deserves their time to shine.

Very separately.

You've seen it like across the board.

Like Obama did it with a bunch of athletes.

Like Joe Biden should invite Caitlin Clark and give her like a medal of of honor or like one of those like great achievement in women's sports yeah like what they did with Tiger Woods like yeah later it's not fair LSU these girls like won fair and square they must be so proud and like to have like one of the that's like such a cool honor like that's a once-in-a-lifetime thing to be invited to the White House and like to have also the losers come like no no absolute shame that's that's not right but this tweet um from one of the other players that Angel Reese retweeted now they want to go to Michelle Obama's house like this is becoming really contentious like them not them pitting Floatis against Floatis it's actually really really interesting.

It's also a great tweet.

Yeah.

And

I hope it happens.

Who would you rather party with?

Michelle.

Hands down.

Michelle's cool.

No, and they have like so much money in like so many cool houses.

Like I want to go to their house on my part.

I'd love to hang out with Michelle Obama.

She seems like cool and down to earth.

And she would never suggest something like this.

No.

And like, I don't know.

I just don't want to party with fake doctors.

Like,

like, like, God forbid, like, something gets in my drink.

Jill Biden's not going to do anything.

Like, the point of having a doctor is that she can save my life.

Like, I don't want this like, fraud.

Okay, honestly, like, you were doing good.

Now you're going to get us canceled.

I just found this saga to be so interesting.

And I don't know.

I wonder if Michelle Obama will throw her hat in the ring.

I bet she doesn't want to make things worse for Jill.

But Michelle Obama.

If she did invite them, that could really, that would be, like, very contentious.

She could become, as the kids say, the moment.

The moment.

Yes.

Michelle Obama's a moment.

She could.

So those were the past five.

I really appreciate you sitting down with me.

I know how busy you are as a celebrity, a founder, a podcaster, a CEO.

So to get you for 40 minutes is such a privilege.

Oh, there's nothing left.

Like no more, like...

No more stories.

Did you want to talk about something else?

No, no, no.

I meant like

nothing else you wanted to say about me.

Loving husband, birthday, maybe.

You're a big dicked.

Oh, my God.

Sexy ass.

It always goes towards objectifying.

Yeah.

I don't do that to you.

Big jugs.

We're just big jugs and big dicks.

Yeah, by the way, everyone want to hang out with us by the way if uh what's her name from lsu ange angel rees angel reese if you get a no from michelle obama and you get a no from jill biden like you come hang with us yeah come down to florida we'll show you a good time yeah it's great like we'll party come on the pod i think i'll call today's episodes and big dicks i think that's good for clickbait i think so too we have to keep people like enticed yeah On their toes.

On their toes.

On their toes.

I love you dearly.

Thank you so much for being here.

Thanks for having me.

And this is our last episode until Friday because tomorrow begins the holiday of Pesach, also known as Passover.

So no episode Wednesday and Thursday.

We will be dropping content on the Patreon to keep you satiated.

And yeah, we love you guys so much.

Everyone's celebrating.

Hope you have a great Passover.

Have fun at the Satyrs.

Don't forget to lean, recline.

Nani Shtanahala Haze.

Mikol Halelot.

So have a good Passover.

We love you.

And we'll see you on the next one.

We'll see you on Friday.

Thank you so much for listening to the Does the One A Morning Show where we deliver the fast five five stories you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

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Bye.