All Paws On Deck: Monday, April 3rd, 2023

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Good morning, millennials, and welcome back to the toast.

Happy Monday after a very long weekend without the toast.

We apologize, we really do, but I can't lie, we were so busy

educating the youth

that I'm not, Actually, I'm not even sorry.

It didn't feel like a long weekend for us because it was so busy with education.

Lecture, lecture, lecture.

Educate, educate, educate.

It's not like we feel like we have a long weekend so leisurely, but this week is an exciting week.

One turtle is in Florida.

Yes, if you're watching on YouTube, Jackie and I are in our duo studio.

And we have the flamingos, which have been forsaken for so long, for too long.

We have the Strice Brethren.

They're both in the studio today wanting to work with their mommies.

It's the Bryce Strice Turtle and Jack's affair, which is

sumptuous.

You know what it is?

Harmonious.

Yes.

So Jax and I are back in studio.

We apologize for not having a show on Friday, but we were really kind of honored to have been asked to speak at the University of Miami School of Law.

What?

Like, it's hard.

We gave a gorgeous, kind of really educational, funny, heartwarming panel on the business of podcasting.

It was so much fun.

It was so much fun.

It was for like the sports, global

entertainment and sports marketing, something like that.

Yeah.

And we were the keynote speakers.

We had no idea.

No, literally, keynote?

Someone must have dropped out at the last minute, but it's fine.

No, we've had this on the books for a while.

That's true, actually.

And we had to say, don't you like that influencer?

Like, people,

who dropped out at the last minute that you invited me?

Yeah, you're right.

Okay, now we were asked like months ago, maybe even years at this point.

Yeah.

It was so much fun.

So many toasty lawyers.

You know, the next generation of lawyers is looking to be extremely toasty, which gives me faith faith in the judicial system.

Well, a lot of things should give you faith in the judicial system because we have a legal story today.

That's Stephen Smith?

No.

Oh.

About Gwyneth Paltrow.

Oh, yeah.

Wow.

It's really been a long time.

We haven't caught up on that.

Yeah.

That was like the headline of the weekend, really.

The stories are interesting, going to spark some interesting conversation.

There's one that I'm really excited to talk about.

But other than that, I wouldn't be here today for the stories.

I would be here today for the Jackson Claude in person energy.

Yes.

The Bryson Streis energy.

Yeah, but the Bryson Bryson Streis energy is so combative.

These two brethren, you guys, like, Claudia and I don't talk about this a lot, but...

Our boys, like, don't like each other.

There's, like, not a great vibe between them.

They really do not fuck with one another whatsoever.

They could be more different.

I know.

And, like, Theo is a lot older than Bruno and more mature.

Not a lot older.

Come down.

But, like, he's in dog years.

He's more mature.

Yeah.

He's very mature.

He doesn't, he doesn't want to play with anyone.

It's not a Bruno thing.

It's a playing thing.

Yeah, no.

Theo's not really like a a super social dog actually he really just loves his parents and his family he loves people he does not like love other dogs but he doesn't even like the kids he doesn't understand the kids but he loves all adults like he really does yeah yeah these boys are lovers they just don't really have a lot in common yeah and they're at different stages of their life and that's okay no it is okay but it's just something like this weekend you were on a staycation yeah so Jackie and Olivia both helped me out a lot.

Theo stayed here in Florida while Ben and I took a little birthday trip to Belle Harbor at the St.

Regis.

Can't recommend enough.

Gorgeous facility.

And spent like a little staycation weekend, you know, swimming, ocean, beach.

I have such a bad sunburn.

It's killing me.

My bun pulling back my forehead in this updo with the sunburn that I have.

Like I could go to the hospital.

But it was so nice.

And I knew that Theo was in good, you know, is it not dog friendly?

It was, but you don't want him in the room all day.

Yeah, well, we were at the beach all day.

And we, I'm not going to take him to the beach and I'm not going to leave him in like the room.

It was really just not, it was a very pet-friendly, kid-friendly hotel.

I told you you should maybe take a trip down there.

It was so nice, but I'm happy to be back.

You know, it felt weird to be in the great state of Florida without my family.

I was like, what am I doing here?

It was weird for everyone.

It was weird.

No, you should have been here.

It was like a weirdness.

Like, we have pool here.

Yeah.

Son here.

So true.

Let me tell you two things I wanted to share.

The first, I just wanted to like close a loop on something we spoke about the last time I was in Florida.

If you're not watching on YouTube, I'm going into my pocket.

I took it.

This morning I walked into Jackie's studio and the aforementioned $20, $40 that has been sitting in here since you moved into this home was still sitting there, which proves that I need it more than you do.

So I have to pick up some supplies.

I don't like the lucky 40, though.

I have to pick up some supplies for a little birthday party we're throwing for Ben.

So I'll just tell Ben that your gift to him was the $40 for balloons, etc.

Okay, you'll tell him that I set up the decor.

I will tell him that you, no, I will tell him that you paid for, you supplied the budget for the decor.

And the second thing I wanted to tell you is like kind of something weird i did over the weekend that i just wanted to tell you that immediately made me think of you

okay so me and ben were on the beach and we ran into our friends ben and margie and they're such a great couple they have two kids and their kids are so cute and their kids are the exact same age as uh olivia's kids michaela and levi so i just feel like you know i'm always saying i feel like i know more about like motherhood than the average auntie but it's important to note i am not a mother but like sometimes i say things like i said something so out of fucking pocket I actually felt weird.

So, they came over with their kids on the beach with the stroller, and we were like, so happy to see their kids, Leo, Leo and Jack.

So, I was like, oh my God, we were asking so many questions because I haven't seen them in so long.

They live in Florida.

And I really haven't seen Leo, maybe like since his Briss.

And I was like asking.

Is that the older one?

The older one, the one that's Michaela's age.

So he's like three now.

And I was asking so many questions.

I was like, oh, what is he this?

Is he potty trained?

And she was like, yeah, he's potty trained.

And I was like,

oh, it is so hard to potty train kids.

And

me a person who's literally never potty trained a child but Margie was like no actually like

I mean Leah was like really good I was like oh

okay

cool um I don't know why the fuck I said that I've literally never potty trained a child and like I'm talking to somebody who has right but I would say like the crime there is not that you've never potty trained a child because like you're speaking from your personal experience with Michaela but it would be applying your one experience to the whole of children no and my experience is like literally one time I thought she had to pee and I sat her down on the toilet No, but your experience is also hearing it through Olivia.

Yes.

And getting the play-by-place.

But it's not the same as Margie's, who's like an actual mom of two.

Yeah, but you know what?

It's better than the opposite, where the person who's not a mother is like downplaying how hard things are and the mom's like.

No, I respect mothers.

Everybody knows that.

I respect mothers.

Right.

I'd rather talk to someone who like is overestimating how hard it is rather than someone who's down.

Minimizing it.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's true.

Okay, thanks for making me feel better.

Yeah, yeah, you're fine.

In that moment, I was like, okay, that was weird.

I wish I didn't say it.

Sometimes you just like say stuff to like round out the conversation.

Or to like relate, you know?

No, no, no, but like sometimes you just have to like say a statement to keep the combo moving for the conversation.

And sometimes it's not 100% accurate, helpful, or useful.

So true.

And I think we've all done that at some point in our life.

Thanks, Jack.

And someone was just listening a little too closely to call out the inaccuracies.

Yeah, that was me.

No, no, no.

That was her.

Like actually listening to what you said.

And yeah.

Like, actually, no.

Yeah, thanks, Barchie, for not just like

ignoring.

Just like faking, faking conversation.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She was so intent.

She was so intent.

And she was intentional.

She was so important.

So important.

We are intentional, don't you find?

I find that we are constantly intentionalizing and being extremely intentive.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Feels good, doesn't it?

It feels almost intentional.

So we have a great show.

Tell me about your weekend.

Like tell me, tell me everything.

Cause I wasn't here, but I was like nearby kind of, not really.

I had a great, like fun, loving weekend.

It just was a lot of,

I don't even know.

Childcare.

Yeah.

Like, but I don't know what the word would be, just like

physically, like it was, there was no.

Stopping.

There was no stopping, you know?

And like, there was just so much going on.

And, you know, you just got to keep making shit up, making games, making different scenarios in which they could play.

Like,

it was exhausting, but rewarding.

Well, isn't that just motherhood in a nutshell?

It is.

It is.

I feel that.

It's for me, like whenever I spend time here uninterrupted, it's like hours and hours of like taking care of the kids, not like stopping in, saying hi.

I'm just constantly in awe of like exhaustion is just not a word in these kids' vocabulary.

No, it's crazy.

Like, get tired, bitch.

I know.

And sometimes they do take like a big nap.

And it's like, oh, I guess if I slept that long in the middle of the day, I'd have more energy too.

But sometimes they don't fucking nap.

I know.

I know.

Well, you know, I'm staying at Olivia's this time.

And it's been so nice, honestly, to spend time.

It's kind of like not too nice, right?

It's been just like nice.

It's been just equally as nice as it is here.

Great, you're great.

But I've really gotten in, and I've only been here for like, you know, 12 hours.

It has been really restorative in my relationship with Michaela.

She is, she's also grown up in a lot, a lot in like the two months that I've been here.

She's obsessed.

She's obsessed with Antiquia.

Like woke me up this morning, wants to play last night before bed.

Oh my God.

So we put her to bed at like eight.

and then at like 10 o'clock we're watching the cmt awards and we hear michaela and she was singing of course high school musical because i came down here with the i watched high school musical three the day before i left for florida and i said this is a film michaela would love and i knew it so i put it on for her last night and she was obsessed with the final scene where they're graduating

i want to rest up my life to feel just like a

high school you guys know it she was obsessed so at 10 she like still wasn't asleep so zach pulled her out and then Olivia and him got into bed and Michaela like laid with them for a little bit.

So before me and Ben went to bed, I went into their room to say goodnight.

So of course I had to climb into the middle and give Michaela like a big hug and she touches my nose and she goes, It's a Koya,

your makeup.

It's beautiful.

And I wasn't even wearing any makeup.

So she really just thinks I'm beautiful.

And Michaela learned, like all my friends and family learned, the way to my heart is through flattery.

Yeah.

It was amazing.

It was like one of those moments where like your heart just like bursts into a million pieces.

No, No, I know that's how I felt when I shared that that other anecdote with you about Michaela that you didn't believe.

But do you maybe believe it now about Evermore?

I don't remember.

The song Evermore?

No, I don't believe it.

Even after like knowing, like getting

share with everyone, because it was honestly like, I know Michaela's capabilities and like she just isn't there yet.

You know, she is because Olivia told me the story.

She texted it to me the next day.

Yeah, and Olivia, I think, was just like really wanting to make Auntie Sack feel good.

But Auntie Sack feels good.

Like, and I don't believe we need validation falsify i don't believe it so michaela loves beauty and the beast their whole family's favorite song from beauty and the beast is evermore which is on the new uh live action one sung by josh grobin and queen has taste queen has taste so

the lyrics go and i know he'll never leave me

even as i fade from you and she likes to sing in her crib like at in the mornings whatever and olivia could hear her singing and she was singing evermore but she sang and i know anti-sack Sack will never leave me.

It didn't fucking happen.

It just didn't happen.

But why can't, like, we both have nice anecdotes.

It's just like, okay, you remember that tweet that went viral?

Yes.

This is one of my favorite things.

Somebody tweeted like something their

four-year-old did that was so like sweet, but like so unbelievable that somebody quote-tweeted it and was like, this did not happen.

Yeah.

And

that's how I feel.

Okay, that's not how I feel.

It's so unbelievable.

I need to witness witness it with my own eyes when it comes to Kayla.

Yeah.

Maybe I'm underestimating her.

Maybe you are.

Maybe I am.

Maybe you are.

So it's just been, it's been amazing to be with the kids these last like five minutes.

I'm so happy to be here.

I'm here for the whole week.

It's Passover.

So just a little housekeeping reminder, Wednesday and Thursday, there are no episodes of the toast as Jackie and I will be observing the late great holiday of Pissach.

But we filmed a vlog on Friday because as we stated, like we spoke at University of Miami School of Law.

Yeah.

And not just like the University of Miami.

It was was like the University of Miami School of Law.

Right.

It wasn't like one of the other schools that don't sound like as impressive as School of Law.

And it certainly wasn't like undergrads.

We weren't talking to teenagers.

Like we were talking to professional adults.

Yeah.

So we filmed a vlog that day of Get Ready With Us.

We did our makeup together.

It was really harmonious.

It was.

It started off a little acrimonious.

It did.

It did.

It's tense.

Like we were rushing.

We were rushed.

We were vlogging.

We were doing our makeup.

We both want to look our best.

Claudia's working with her Florida set of materials, which are apparently already outdated.

They are.

So we vlogged the Get Ready With Us process and then a little bit of our day, but it's mostly like our makeup routines, chit-chatting about the day and having some girly swirly time.

Girly swirly time.

So that will be up Wednesday in lieu of an episode of The Toast.

And we are planning to have something for you Thursday as well.

So if you never want to go a weekday without toast, patriot.

patreon.com slash the toast.

Because I think if you like include Patreon, then I really don't know when's the last weekday that we haven't had something for you.

Always taking care of the Patreon members.

That's one thing about us.

Yeah.

Fun fact.

Yeah.

That way you never have to go without turdy Lou, Jackson Claude.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Do you feel as though?

I feel as though.

Do you feel as though?

I do feel as though.

And we have like a busy day today.

So it's like, we have got to get to stepping.

Yeah.

So pass me.

Jackie and I are sharing one iPad today.

So we're going to have to be like passing back.

They're very sustainable.

Yeah.

Greta Toon would approve.

She would say, how dare you?

Impress me so much.

I'm just going to go in any order.

Does that work?

Okay.

Just pass over the,

no, I don't like this order.

I got it.

The first five.

Yeah, I got it.

Great.

Okay.

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Thank you, Turdy Luya.

What can I say except?

You're welcome.

Also, we have, we're recapping succession.

No, we are?

I didn't watch it.

Why not?

Because like we didn't talk about it.

Excuse me?

And I was saying at the Shapiros and they didn't watch last week's episode, so we're not recapping it.

I'm so sorry.

Like we didn't talk about like doing that.

What's to talk about?

Like we have a schedule.

I'm like, not in my house.

My time is on my house.

I'm like, you literally put a gun to my head for pump rules.

Yeah, of course.

And succession last week.

I put a gun to your head for pump rules for sure because that's so pertinent.

We're a pop culture show.

How could we not be watching pump rules right now?

I know, but I was tired one night.

We were literally talking about succession at dinner last night.

And you didn't say anything.

And then Olivia was like, I haven't watched the first episode of the season.

So like, how could I watch it?

I was staying at her house.

In your bedroom, in your quarters.

So you were like, nothing.

You're not

going to be able to do that.

You're going to not spend time with my family.

I didn't watch it.

So let's just move on.

I'm so sorry.

I'm gonna remember this.

Can't wait.

I can't wait.

I stand by the fact that I did nothing wrong.

You would.

Oh my god, if you watch it and I didn't watch it, even though like we agreed, like this is part of the programming now.

No, but like we didn't talk about it.

Like we didn't discuss anything to say.

We were together last night.

I feel like we're always like, we're making sure, like, if there's something to do, like, we're on top of it.

Because you mentioned it, like, since sessions on tonight, like, I knew that you knew and that you were on top of it.

No, I didn't watch it.

And I refuse to be blamed any longer for this grotesque misalliance.

Like, I didn't, I, I literally didn't do anything wrong.

Like, my God.

Okay.

I'm just, like, really excited for when sometime I don't watch something

that you've watched.

But see, the thing is, like, if I watch something, I always tell you.

I don't like just go.

I always tell you at the dinner table.

I don't go rogue and just watch shit, you know?

No, but we talked about it at the dinner table.

I didn't know you came away from that conversation being like, I won't watch.

Well, then.

Maybe you don't really understand me.

No, I guess it was a misunderstanding.

Okay, maybe let's chuck it up to a misunderstanding and keep the harmonious vibes.

The unfortunate thing, though, is that if this were a remote episode, you could just take your headphones off.

I know.

Too bad.

I can't be silenced.

Hmm.

Okay, well,

I did have.

Well, now do I feel great?

I feel just like, you know, useless.

No,

it's...

Once you see the episode, there's only a few things to say.

All right.

Do you like, would it be helpful if I watch it today so we could recap it tomorrow or just get back on the train next week?

We could recap it tomorrow.

If you find time, you don't have to watch it today, though.

Like if it wasn't for Monday's like recap, like we don't, we're not in any rush.

Okay.

Like I'm like, I apologize.

Like I, I still don't feel like I did anything like wrong per se.

I just

I'm sorry that we found ourselves in this situation.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry too.

I'm sorry that you like had to wait up when I know you actually don't even like like the show anymore, you know?

Yeah.

No, it did.

My schedule is fine.

I literally finished my book for the Redheads like two minutes before we started watching.

So like it was fine.

I'm sorry.

But it was just like an hour of sleep.

I could have gone back.

No, that's so true.

And as a mother, like the fact that I took away that hour of sleep from you, like I definitely, I definitely feel

maybe I should just go.

Like I why don't you just go watch it right now?

And then no, we actually don't have time for that.

Okay, but it's fine.

It's fine.

Hopefully I still feel passionate whenever we do talk about it.

Okay.

Our first story.

Gwyneth Paltrow thanks the jury for their thoughtfulness after trial win.

Gwyneth is happy with the outcome and thankful to the jury after winning her ski crash trial in Utah.

She said, I felt that acquiescing to a false claim compromised my integrity.

I am pleased with the outcome and I appreciate all the hard work of Judge Holmberg and the jury and thank them for their thoughtfulness in handling this case.

Nearly one hour before she posted that, a jury decided that the retired doctor, Terry Sanderson, was 100% at fault for their 2016 ski crash, despite him suing Gwyneth for $300,000.

I just feel like when they say he's suing Gwyneth for $300,000, like it's such a lie.

Like he was suing her for more and the judge capped it at $300,000.

But what did he initially want to sue her for?

Like $3 million?

$3 million or $1 million.

So that's just like crazy.

Now, I really just didn't think there was a way I could ever like love Gwyneth Paltrow more.

Like, I've been a ride or die for her for many years.

And this trial has just like brought out another side of Gwyneth.

First of all, like the Lukes were so like

appropriate.

The Kutasky crash trial.

Yes.

But also like, you know, you have to look appropriate in

court.

I just thought she looked amazing.

I loved, you know, the everyday paparazzi photos of what bag is she wearing?

What gorgeous, flowy skirt will she be wearing today?

So that was exciting.

Two, I loved seeing her testimony, how it just unbothered queen, you know?

Yeah.

I loved watching this guy like really, truly embarrass himself.

And I believe he gave a statement

basically saying, you know, like, I'm embarrassed, you know?

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

So I loved that.

I loved every bit of this trial.

I love that she won.

I love that the jury, you know,

I feel as though, you know, you could have, with cases like this, a lot of people have preconceived notions about celebrities and they could have let that be a bias of theirs.

Cause, you know, one of the things about Gwyneth Poucher that people think is like, she thinks she's better than everyone.

She's, you know, kind of pretentious.

So, you know, shoving into someone and keep skiing is something a pretentious person would do.

So I'm glad that the jury didn't let their.

bias get in the way.

Well, you would hope that there weren't jury people who had biases

of Gwyneth.

I would think that in the selection, it would be mostly people who are unfamiliar and yeah,

too cool for that.

Um, she was so gracious when the trial was over.

They let the uh

what's the word I'm looking for?

Defendant and the plaintiff, like Gwyneth and Terry, they got to leave first.

So, Gwyneth got up and was walking out and she had to walk past Terry and she came over to him and she said, I wish you the best.

Yes, which was very gracious, but I like to think it was like a little knife, a little jab because like fuck off.

No, and it's also like, I wish you well because like you're unwell.

I said good day, sir.

Yeah, no, like I wish, I hope you get the help that you need for being so deeply disturbed that you would spend time on this farce.

That was definitely the subtext of the I wish you well.

That it was get help.

But on the surface, it was very gracious.

Yes.

And I also loved her statement because I had said, you know, she's definitely spending more money on this trial and everything.

in legal fees than she would in just paying this guy $300,000.

And what you said very, very

studiously was that

some things are worth protecting your reputation.

People just don't want their image to be dragged because it's more cost-effective.

And that's exactly what she said in her statement.

She's like, I could have just acquiesced the money, but like my legacy means more to me than the money.

And I just.

Every.

And it's about the principle, right?

Right.

Because if anybody can just

say that Gwyneth crashed into them and get 300K, then what's to stop the next person and the next person if she just finds it easier to pay them off.

So at every step of this trial, I have been in awe of Gwyneth's elegance, grace, composure, and style.

And I don't know if I could love for any more than I do, but I, but I did, but I now do.

I do.

Yeah.

I do.

You do.

I will miss watching this.

The footage was really, like, I just love seeing celebrities in something so

ugly like trial.

You know, I think that's why celebrity trials like, you know, Johnny and Amber and anytime like a celebrity is on trial becomes such a spectacle.

One, because it's a celebrity, but two, it's like we're used to seeing celebrities in this glamorous, but there's something so normal and like routine and common almost about

a

courthouse.

Yeah.

There's no special treatment.

No.

And it was just, it was all very exciting.

There's no special lighting.

You're all on fluorescence.

The fluorescence.

It was just exciting.

Yes.

So I'm glad that justice has been served.

Closing the book on that.

Congrats, Gwyneth.

Justice

has been served.

There's a gavel around here somewhere, I think.

Right?

We split them up.

Did we?

Yeah, in the divorce.

Stop.

I'm depressed.

I know.

What's a better word for it?

In the move.

In the relocation.

That sounds like you got fired, but

no, I was relocated.

She was relocated.

Are you ready for our next story?

Yeah.

Just listen before.

Just listen.

Okay.

Before like you make a face.

Because Pete Davidson

did a podcast on someone's Patreon.

So thumbs up for Patreon.

We love people making money off their content.

We'd love to see content being monetized.

He had a conversation with John Bernthal for his podcast, Real Ones, which you can listen to this episode on his Patreon.

And he expressed feeling like a loser.

Or you could listen to our Patreon.

Oh, yeah.

No, no, no.

But once you get comfortable with the Patreon platform in general, you'll want to support other creators.

And why don't we just be like number two after that?

So true.

When we're typically number one, of course.

of course um but he expressed feeling like a loser because of the ongoing emphasis on who he was dating he said quote i'm in my 20s and i've dated people and for some reason that's very crazy and interesting to people i don't think it's interesting i've been in show business for like half my life almost for 14 or 15 years and on a national tv show in 12 years i've dated 10 people i don't think that's crazy but to some people that's very interesting that became all anyone would talk about he said it's not like i was flexing you know what i mean and these people that i've dated i met them at work I wasn't in anyone's DMs.

No one was in mine.

I worked at one of the five Hollywood epicenters of where you meet people, and that's how it happened.

It's a good call.

He said, suddenly you're in the zeitgeist that has nothing to do with the work.

And that's a really shitty feeling.

I became more known before the work was there, but I was always working.

He qualified that he's cool with the joke.

He gets the late night jokes, but occasionally the laughter over his romantic track record hit too close to home.

Like when they made fun of him on his own show, SNL.

He said, when your own show pokes fun at you, I'd be sitting in the back watching the cold open, and the cold open is topical political humor, whatever's in the culture, and then making fun of you.

Then you've got to walk out and do a sketch next and hit your mark, and the show just made fun of you.

So why are they going to laugh at you?

Like they just dogged you in front of everyone, man.

And you're like, I'm a fucking loser, man.

Okay, really quickly, I know this is like not the point of the conversation, but let's try and name the 12 girls that he's dated, okay?

That's the opposite of the point.

Kazzie David, Carly Aquilino.

Opposite, but yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to go into it.

Oh, you want to go in?

Okay, so Carly, Kazi, Ariana, Kate Beckinsale.

Okay.

That was such a great time.

I don't know if this is in order.

Phoebe Denver.

Oh, Phoebe Denver, yeah.

Oh, let's not go in order.

Kaya Gerber.

Kaya Gerber, Kim.

Kim.

Chase now.

Chase now.

Maybe there were some like nobodies?

No, there was probably some like three dates, you know, like spotted with.

Let's.

Personally, I'm still shipping him and Kate Beckinsale.

Like, I just thought that was like a cute moment in time.

Pete Davidson's dating history.

Let's see if we're missing anyone.

Margaret Qualey.

Margaret Qualey.

That's nine.

Like, she's just like...

Kaya Gerber.

We did.

Oh, Olivia O'Brien.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Even though.

That was like a text that was sent.

She's actually been talking about that recently on some podcasts because I don't know why, but she was like, I think they maybe went on one date.

Yeah, she said on BFF's pod that she and the comic had a secret short-lived fling, admitting that she didn't, she did not think anyone knew about it because they asked her about it and she was like, I didn't think anyone knew.

She further claimed that he called things off via text.

He texted me and was like, I'm seeing someone else, so like I can't.

And I think it was Phoebe Deniver.

Yeah.

And also, we like dissected this at the time.

And

their relationship didn't seem to qualify for like an actual breakup.

It does.

But sure.

Spotted with.

Oh, yeah, we did.

I remember.

And Rhada.

That was last week.

Yeah.

That's 11.

Yeah, but that's everyone.

Yeah.

No, it's not that crazy.

I definitely, um,

I see what he's saying, but I also feel like it's probably like somewhat important to note that

his career also blew up because of it.

Like he was able to leave SNL and have other opportunities because he's so famous now because of who he dated, you know?

I disagree a little bit.

I don't think it like worked against him.

It only worked against him in the sense of like, that's, you know, the headline about him.

But I feel like even before he started having high-profile relationships, he was always like the really funny youngest cast member ever on SNL and like was going places and would and would be doing the same work that he's doing without the girlfriends, honestly.

No, I don't, I don't know, I don't think so.

But what, what is he doing that's so big?

Like, honestly, nothing.

Like, I don't know what he does.

So, what did this get him?

But he does like a lot.

He like makes a lot of money from being famous.

Like, he was like a Calvin Klein face.

Okay, he does a lot, he was in a Hellman's commercial.

So, his career as a comic, though, yeah, but that those things like afford you the privilege of not having to work.

Like, you make a lot of money and you can chill, and you don't have to go to SNL every week, you know.

But he's working still, like, he's only in his 20s.

He's never tired, yeah.

No, I think he does like shows and he mentioned some projects in the works.

Something coming out that this was promoting.

Oh, he was just in that horror movie, Bodies, Bodies, Bodies, Bup Giss, May 4th on Peacock.

Yeah, It is true that, like, he's more of a

celebrity right now than he is a comic.

And I think that hurts him.

Yeah.

And he's only a celebrity because of those relationships.

And that makes him feel like a loser.

Well, you know, Pete, like, at least you're a celebrity, okay?

Some of us are out here trying, so I'd be grateful.

No, of course.

Like, you could always make the case that things could be so much worse.

Yeah.

But he's just sharing his truth on Patreon.

Like, he's not bothering anyone.

No, he's not bothering anyone.

His truth is bothering no one.

Right.

So he's allowed to say how he feels.

What's Pete going through?

What does Pete think?

Because that's his opinion.

But you would think that

all of these feelings would stop him from tearing through the women of Hollywood and be a little bit more low-key.

Well, the thing is, he said he is low-key.

Like, he doesn't have Instagram.

It's not like he's like, here's me and my girl.

And he literally, like.

It's just paparazzi.

He can't help that.

No, but it's not even like red carpet paparazzi.

It's like literally one lone paparazzo following him into that forlorn building with him and Emrata.

Yeah, but also like the pictures of him on vacation with Chase.

Like there's always, it's always pictures.

I also think like a lot of the women he dates know that he's like a PR magnate.

And I think a lot of them like lean into that.

Like I, I feel like a lot of the news that came out about him and Emrata were like Emrata putting it out or Emrata's people like having the paparazzi there because she was very much trying to like pin it to her ex.

Yeah.

That's possible.

But you know, if you're going to go on a date with Pete Davidson, it's going to be written up everywhere.

So it's like, oh, I landed a date with Pete Davidson.

Call everyone.

Yeah.

And I think that hurts him i think it does too because it's like you really not to be so cliche it's like you never know if someone's dating you for you right and you know what they didn't go out again after that so maybe he was like oh no she's just thirsty she's thirsty and i can't afford like another

Kerfuffle another thing yeah yeah because I'm trying to focus on Bupkiss which premieres May 4th on Peacock so I hope like it really works out with him and Chase because she's kind of like unknown I don't think people really care so much about this relationship except they like you know drove into someone's house right um

no but it's the thing is it's not at this point it's not about the the girl, it's about Pete.

And it's about like adding to that number.

Yeah, but I definitely feel like there's less fanfare for him and Chase.

Like there was like paparazzi pictures, but like no one really cares.

Like she's new to on the scene.

No, they care.

We just don't talk about it every day, but like every time I look for articles, like if they're doing something, like they're there.

Yeah, but like, do the people care?

I feel like they don't.

Drop a comment.

Because

I personally don't care.

But I mean, most of these articles that I see in the morning are just like,

what?

Anything I bad?

Oh, you're ready for that?

You're ready for all that?

Most of the articles that I see in the morning, it's like, who the fuck is reading this?

Who gives a shit?

What are they about?

Oh, my God.

It's just like everyone, so-and-so celebrates her.

But we live in a culture.

Let me go to page 60.

Hold on.

Brutal.

We live in a culture where like somebody leaving an Instagram comment is worthy of an entire article on like a pretty reputable news site.

That's crazy.

And they're so misleading.

It's like.

Chloe Kardashian finally addresses plastic surgery.

Can I?

Oh, shit, this isn't going well.

We're having to share an iPad and we're both trying to like look things up.

The sharing of the assets isn't going well, but no, like People Magazine today, they're like top stories.

Literally number two, the Bachelor's Madison Pruitt Trout shares what she's obsessed with this spring.

Well, that's the, by the way, that's another element of moronicy when it comes to journalism these days.

It's like publicists

bring their clients and get opportunities for their clients to like interview with people magazine and it's like I'm just using Madison Pruitt as an example, but I see it with like all these like kind of low-level influencers and reality stars.

Here's the 10 things that Maddie Pruitt can't live without.

Here's the eight beauty secrets that she keeps in her purse.

Claudia, Alicia Silverstone shares adorable video of her dog sitting at the dinner table, quote, waiting for his turn.

Listen, you guys, it's hard out here.

So when you get upset with Jackie for stories, just know like, this is what she's dealing with, okay?

The Last of Us star Bella Ramsey loves to eat cornflakes with orange juice.

It's so good.

The Last of Us star Bella Ramsey sounds disgusting.

Why would literally anybody eat that instead of of milk?

Is that what they're saying?

And then also like, okay, and then this was on page 68, which I thought was just such like a nasty who gives a shit headline, which was Marilyn Nichols seemingly

Tristan's other

Theo's mom.

Theo's mom.

Marilyn Nichols seemingly shades Chloe Kardashian's lavish birthday party for true.

Like, I don't know.

Marilyn Nichols is not a famous.

I don't care what she maybe or maybe did not shade Chloe about.

Yeah, and what was it, like an Instagram comment?

I didn't, I did not dignify it by clicking.

I did not.

Yeah, I just,

I feel like it's, you know, all part of a larger, larger conversation.

You know, in the digital age, what does that mean for journalism?

No, it's not looking good.

It's not looking good by any means.

And then like there, there are, like, I feel like publications that try and maintain like journalistic integrity and like write thought-provoking articles.

And they have absolutely nothing to work with.

No, and they also have nothing to work with.

Like, they're trying to make thought provocation out of Alicia Silverstone's dog sitting at the table.

But what does her dog sitting at the table really mean for culture?

What is he waiting for at the table?

Right.

And how did he get there?

What was the journey to the table like?

It's insane.

These are questions worth asking.

Don't you agree?

I do.

And I would love to get into the next story when it's time.

That's too bad.

Oh, because it's not time.

That's too bad for you, Jackieo, because it is not time.

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Oh my God, that's so true.

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You know, on my way to the airport, I forgot a pair of socks and I wore a pair of sneakers, not all birds, with no socks.

And when I tell you, I've never been so uncomfortable in my whole life.

Damn.

And that's what I get for not wearing my tree dashers.

That's what you get.

That's what, it serves me right.

Are you ready for our next story, which is just some funny, sweet, unfortunately Instagram caption news?

Ooh, Okay.

But I think it's worth discussing because it has to do with one of our favorite quotes and some of our favorite people.

So Kim Kardashian is finally apologizing and joking about copying her sister Chloe's outfit that she infamously made fun of when they went on a trip to Japan in 2018.

I'm going to be real with you.

You look like fucking clowns.

So Kim, Chloe, and Courtney went to Japan in 2018.

I think that was when like Kim was shooting

Yeezys on the street looks for Yeezy

and

Chloe and Courtney.

I can't remember their names right now.

Chloe and Courtney were

so long.

Chloe and Courtney were there like supporting their sis and wearing their favorite Japan looks

and doing the most, you know.

And it just wasn't the vibe.

Like Kim was in this like very like spandex like round.

Like futuristic era.

And then very toned down.

Very like glam.

glam Tokyo fashions colors.

Colors, Kawaii.

and Kim like kind of reading the mouse like you guys look like clowns and I think she was like kind of ashamed to be seen with them and their really colorful looks God forbid it was funny like now we quote it but like in the moment like she was kind of being a bitch yeah but in the moment it was bitchy too like I don't think in the moment we're like yeah you guys look like clowns because honestly

they didn't they looked really good but they obviously weren't matching her aesthetic which was the reason for going to Japan in the first place and they literally came to Japan for her.

No, I know, but it's like you're coming to Japan with me and you're ruining my photos.

Nobody cares.

No, I know, but that's important.

That was important to Kim at the time.

She had her priorities all the cocked at the time.

She did.

And now she was in Japan with her kids wearing a huge pink fuzzy jacket.

The look was so cute, but fans called out that literally that's what Chloe was wearing when

they got called the clown.

And Kim did a carousel of pictures in her pink look and she included the clip from

that episode.

And someone had tweeted like, so is Chloe?

Is Kim finally going to apologize to Chloe?

And Chloe commented, I'm waiting.

100%.

Kim should apologize.

No, like, Chloe ahead of the fashion curve.

Chloe ahead of the fashion curve.

Funny that they like got in on it before like it was like flipped on them, you know?

Um,

it's just it's not doing it for me, you know?

The story.

Yeah, no, I'm not coming at you.

For sure, I know, but you know, when I saw it, I was like, oh, cute.

And like, they're posting like old clips and making fun of themselves.

Those are some of that's my kind of celebrity fodder I enjoy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Self-referencing, Two reference or not reference.

Two reference or not reference.

But I wish they did throw it up and put it in a blender.

I think I would have liked this story more.

I'm like really in my in terms of Kardashians, like we've been talking about, I've been feeling just kind of like, you know, I'm resting.

Yeah.

Also, I was wrong.

Apparently, like there is a lot of chatter about how they're in their flop era.

It's because you're not on TikTok.

On TikTok.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We were talking about that last week.

Like, is it just an us thing?

Is it a culture thing?

It's very much a culture thing.

There is a lot of debate about it.

And also something that I found really interesting is I saw Liz Liz Hyde post this.

Kim has been like wearing a lot of Balenciaga.

Okay, I have a question for you.

What do you think?

I don't really own any Balenciaga.

I'm so glad you brought this up.

But what do you think about wearing Balenciaga that you already had bought?

Okay, so I.

My personal policy would be like I would wear, if I owned Balenciaga, I would wear it, the things that I own that didn't say Balenciaga, but I wouldn't walk around like with a Balenciaga togo mania purse.

So I, um, I didn't believe I owned anything Balenciaga.

And then I was getting dressed for something and I put this shirt on and it's just a shirt.

It's like a blouse.

And it happened to be Balenciaga.

And I didn't wear it just because I looked fat, but not because it was Balenciaga.

If it looked good, I would have worn it because it didn't have any labels.

And it's like, sorry, I'm not of the means where I have like so many, I can just, you know, dispose of my designer items.

So for a lay person,

I think.

If you have something, honestly, wear it.

You spent the money.

Like, why should you be punished?

Right.

But Kim, especially with, with her clothes, like everything she wears is a statement, whether she likes that or not.

Everything she wears is shared, you know, everyone, all these closet accounts.

So

to wear something by a designer, it does

feel like you're standing by that designer.

And that's very different than you doing that.

Right.

When she has like unlimited resources to close.

She probably didn't pay for most of the

Balenciaga items that she had, whereas like regular folk, bitch, I paid for this.

Like that sucks.

Like I'm wearing it.

Like I can actually understand that.

Right.

so I, it's a choice.

I believe it's a choice.

She's the thing is, Kim has choices.

Whereas like other people who maybe one time splurge on a Balenciaga bag, like, they don't have that many choices, you know?

That's their bag.

That's their bag.

Yeah.

And you must wear it.

Like, you bought the bag, now lay with it.

But I, like,

she's wearing non-logo Balenciaga stuff.

Like, even she's wearing the sunglasses and she doesn't show a picture of the sun.

It's not like she's publicly endorsing Balenciaga.

You kind of have to be in the know to know that that's what she's wearing.

I disagree.

But I agree with you that like she has the means to go all the way.

I disagree.

Because even though it doesn't have like the big label on it, like everything she wears is shared.

Do you know what I mean?

And you're saying that then people will want that shirt, even though it doesn't say it.

I'm not even saying that she might be influencing people.

All I'm saying is like her wearing an item, whether it's small like sunglasses that doesn't even have a logo on it, she knows what whatever she wears is publicized.

Like this is what she wears.

Okay.

That we will find out that it's Balenciaga.

Yeah, that we'll find out, but it's, it's like an association.

It's an endorsement almost.

Yeah.

i do

okay

do you feel that way about all celebrities who like casually wear balenciaga garments um you're asking such good questions because i think our issue do a lot of celebrities casually wear now i don't know and also now everyone makes that turtleneck spandex top with the gloves attached so i'm like whose is whose it's like muglaire now too everyone yeah but because i think the issue with kim and balenciaga was like she threw her whole pussy pussy yeah weight face behind this brand that was doing unsavory things and so like we were hopeful that she would take a step back from them but not that she never can wear them again you know like it's a little soon no

i don't know like for me it was disappointing when she continued to like be their face but like now it's say who's another celebrity who i if kelly clarkson like had a balenciaga top in her closet and she happened to wear it like i don't think that that would i just feel like it's different for kim do you know what i mean especially because okay if kelly clarkson had a balenciaga top in her okay and and she doesn't have like closet accounts like Kim does.

So that's something that's not what I was going to say, but that's also a good point.

Let's say she went out to dinner with Gal Pals and she wore a Balenciaga shirt.

Like

every time Kelly Clarkson leaves the house, it's not a paparazzi stampede.

Like she can privately wear something and not have everyone know about it.

Okay, so let's

bad example.

Gwyneth.

Okay.

Like say Gwyneth was wearing like a turtleneck for her trial, but like was Balenciaga.

For her trial.

So she knows that there's like big paparazzi.

See, that seems like a statement to me.

Okay, walking into that for a trial, but like for a dinner.

Someone who gets fucking photographed all the time, who didn't have an association with Blen Siaga.

Really, nobody out there gets photographed as much as the Kardashians do.

They really don't leave their house without getting photographed, where, which I think is intentional on their part because it's a part of their job.

Yeah.

I think most celebrities can go out to dinner without being seen, honestly.

Okay.

But we're not answering Haley Bieber.

Good question.

Good question.

Okay.

That's a very good question.

Haley Bieber, in the midst of all of her outfits, was wearing a turtleneck underneath a blazer that was Blen

Would this be news?

Well, the thing is, is that Haley Bieber didn't ever really have a connection to Blenciaga.

So it's like, we're not talking about Hailey Bieber and Blenciaga because it was never anything to talk about.

We're talking about Kim and Balenciaga because there was a lot to discuss.

And we never fucking heard from her.

Yeah.

Okay.

So it's a Kim thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

I can, I can see that.

I'm not, I'm not.

I'm glad we got down.

I'm not

going to argue why.

At one point or the other, I'm just trying to place it in different contexts so I can see it clearly.

By the way, so am I.

Like, I'm confused confused by this whole thing.

Like, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

Like, ask all your questions.

Like, I'm just making this up.

Yeah.

I'm just saying, like, it's fucking weird.

And we, like, never heard from her.

And like, there was this whole disgusting thing.

And like, a lot of people were upset with her.

And it has been the reason for like this whole kind of flop era.

And we still haven't heard from her.

And they're like teasing that they'll talk about it on the show.

And I feel like they won't.

And then she's wearing Balenciaga again.

I feel like they're not going to talk about it on the show just because they would have said Balenciaga in the trailer once.

Or they would have referenced it like a little bit more specifically.

Right?

To get us excited.

Yeah.

That's no, I feel, I feel like they don't.

So it's this whole saga that really, like, really affected them and they won't talk about it.

Yeah.

But now she's wearing Balenciaga again.

So to me, it's, it's part of the conversation that she's wearing it again.

Okay.

That is where I'll leave.

That's where I'll leave it.

And

I'm, I'm, I hear you.

I don't know exactly like what I think she should do with all that crap.

Me neither.

What she should do with that.

You need to like donate it.

She has so much stuff.

Like she probably didn't pay for it.

It's really, it won't hurt her no no it won't and like everyone's making it now like you said so astutely so many of the clothes that she wore during her real like era with them were so fucking ugly that really it's a win-win for everybody yeah who who makes this pink jacket she was wearing um

I don't see it in the option.

Anyway, moving on to our next story, which I'm really interested by because the author, James Patterson,

you know him.

Yeah, of course.

He's like the biggest.

I'm familiar.

And he was in the the filthy rich Jeffrey Epson documentary because he lived next door to him in Palm Beach.

And he's written fiction and nonfiction books.

We did him for the Redheads.

He wrote a book with Dolly Parton, Run Rose Run.

One of the biggest authors in the world, James Rowley.

Just in case.

Oh, okay.

But this, we need to set the stage because of what he did.

It's really impactful.

He accuses the New York Times of cooking its bestsellers list in a blistering letter to the editor that they refused to publish.

So James Patterson

has obviously been on the New York Times bestseller list a million times.

First, he posted two tweets just like questioning the

math.

The math wasn't mathing for him.

He said, what's up with New York Times bestsellers list?

Anybody besides me notice that Mike Pompeo's book sold more copies than

the former secretary of

political.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He said, anyone noticed that his book

has sold more copies than six titles on today's list?

And I guess like he wasn't on it.

Then he said, and last week, J.D.

Robb, that's Nora Roberts' pen name novel, wasn't on the fiction list, even though it was still selling more than four other titles there.

By bestseller, does the Times mean best for their target audience?

Yeah, okay.

So and then he wrote a huge letter to the editor that they refused to publish, saying that he's a longtime reader of the New York Times.

It's his favorite newspaper.

He's been reading it since he moved to New York in 1971.

Here are some of the poll quotes.

I also note that this spirit of self-criticism and getting it right is too often absent from the bestsellers list.

He said, the real problem is where you say sales are statistically weighted to represent and accurately reflect all outlets proportionally nationwide.

Because here you suggest your process has statistical rigor and it simply doesn't.

As the nation's bookstores and our publishing houses have known for years and can prove, your lists too often are outside the realm of statistically possible, much less plausible.

The fact is that you regularly publish, even now that we have computers and widely available data, lists that say a book sold better or worse than another, even when it's probably wrong.

Oh my my God, I feel like so strongly about this because I was on the list and I

and I was so grateful to be on the list, even though in terms of sales, like I absolutely deserved it.

But so when I when I was publishing my book, I was like doing a lot of research on the New York Times, like how do you get on?

How many do you really need to sell?

And I was shocked to discover that the New York Times bestsellers list is an editorial

list, meaning it's curated.

It's not based on statistics.

It's not one, two, three, four, five of like anything.

It's basically opinion.

It's an editorial.

And so when you look at like USA Today charts, which are statistically just based on number of books sold, that to me is, and it sucks that like everybody puts so much weight on New York Times bestseller because in order to make New York Times bestsellers, you have to sell enough books, but you also have to then be like approved slash chosen by the editors of the New York Times, which is hard to do, especially because the New York Times is technically a political newspaper.

It's like more liberal leaning.

So if your book might not align with all their, you know, agenda, then you would have a less likelihood of getting on the list.

So

when, when you look at the USA Today, I find the USA Today list to me more interesting because it goes in order.

This person sold 10 books.

This person sold nine books.

This person sold five books.

Like it's based on numbers.

And so like not to make literally everything about me, but I found it really interesting how I was number 12.

And I'm, I'm just supporting James's theory.

I'm not making the story about myself.

It's good that you have personality.

And I'm so grateful to have been on the list because they literally hold it like ransom.

I'm like, and I, if I ever read another book i would love to be on the list but like and i'm not saying in any way like i'm comparable to this person but my book came out and when you

when you have your first week sales that includes all pre-orders all pre-orders so the three months leading up i had all those sales and the first week so i had

13 weeks of sales

And on the USA Today list, I believe I was, I don't know what number I was, but I know I was above Michelle Obama, whose book had been out for two years at this point.

So I'm not saying my book was bigger than Michelle Obama's.

I'm just saying in the three months and one week that I did pre-sales, I did sell more books than the one week Michelle Obama two years later.

Right.

I'm just trying to give context.

And so I was above because I just, my pre-orders, that's it.

Above on USA Today.

On USA Today, I was above.

And then on New York Times, she was like number three and I was number 12.

So it just doesn't make sense in terms of numbers, but I'm not saying in any way that I'm a better book.

Well, actually, no, I'm kidding, that my book has any way comparable to Michelle Obama.

I was just talking about statistics.

Right.

I know people are going to drag me for like bringing that up, but I just thought it was interesting.

And so when I had learned that when I was doing research, because I really wanted to get on the list, it was like a huge goal of mine.

I was like almost disheartened because it's like, you can sell, you could literally sell 10 million books and you could not get on the list just because,

you know, somebody at the New York Times doesn't like you.

And I'm not a media darling.

You could, you could sell 10 million and you will.

You have to sell an absurd amount.

Right.

I don't know what the number is, but you have to sell an absurd amount of books to make the list, no matter how much they don't want you to make it.

You know?

No, and he's right.

We regard it as like this beacon.

But also, this is what he said, and he makes some fire points.

He said, Look, I know somebody's going to accuse me of pursuing self-interest here, and they would be right.

I'm an author.

I love landing on the list that gets more attention than any other list in the country, a list that brings additional visibility and attention to the books it names, a list that has, I imagine it should be easy enough for an economist to prove, actual monetary value for authors and publishing houses, and a list that can make or break the careers of new writers.

Maybe I'm foolish for thinking bestseller is supposed to be a measure of what's most popular with my fellow book buying readers, as opposed to some times decreed value judgment on the method by which the books were sold.

At any rate, I'm asking you to please cut it out.

By the way, that's actually a really good point, especially for like new authors.

And that's the thing with like TikTok now is like so many books go viral and they're selling.

crazy amounts of copies.

Like people are so influenced buying on their Kindles and it doesn't really, they don't make the list, but they're selling like thousands and thousands of books, you know, years after the book has been published.

And if it had made the New York Times bestsellers list, that's such a huge platform.

Because people go to the New York Times bestseller list to choose their next book.

Of course.

And it's printed.

It's one of the most widely distributed, widely circulated newspapers in the country.

Like it's basically a billboard for your book.

Yes, also.

And they also only sell, they only print the first 10, so I didn't even make the print version.

They can choose whatever books they want.

Like it's their newspaper, but then you can't accurately call it a bestseller's list.

It could be called the New York Times book list.

Yeah, the New York Times recommended book list.

Yeah, you know, and it's like, and then it's an amalgamation of sales and curation and art taste,

but it's not a bestseller's list.

No, it's a curated

list of recommendations.

And to put it honestly, he's so right.

To put it as a bestseller's list in number order when it actually is not accurately based on numbers shouldn't that that's like

For not only is it factually incorrect, but it's also like false advertising.

Yeah.

To say that like, you know,

I'm just making making this up, like Crying in H Mart is the number one book, and I'm sure it was, but I don't know why I'm using that book as an example, but to say that any book is the number one book in the country right now, when actually there are other books that sold more copies, that's just misleading and factually incorrect.

Yes.

Also.

And maybe they should also look into their dagger system because I got a dagger and that's something I just will never stop talking about because I didn't fucking deserve one.

No, literally.

But they say that the panel of reporting retails is comprehensive and reflects sales in tens of thousands of stores of all sizes and demographics across the U.S.

So they make it really vague that it's like, oh, you could never know what happens in tens of thousands of stores, but we know and this is the best sellers.

He said that should be reassuring, but it's not because it's bonkers.

It's an excuse.

Tens of thousands of bookstores, we would be a happier and less dysfunctional nation if it were true, but it's regrettably not.

Maybe you mean locations that sell books and you include grocery stores, newsstands, Amazon lockers, and yard sales, but that's a quibble.

Yeah, there's really no way to know.

There's, yeah, there's, you're saying the list isn't what we think it is because you're combing through mom and pop grocery stores.

Like, that's such a lie.

Yeah.

No, and I think like people only realize it when they write a book.

And of course, everybody wants to make the bestsellers.

It's like a dream.

I can't stop talking about it.

The fact that I made it.

It's equal parts ego and

no, it's ego.

Like it's no, but what he says is extremely true.

Like if you make that list, it's the difference between your book being seen by millions of people and not.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So it's, it's business too.

It's not just about like, oh, this feels nice.

Yeah.

Even though it does feel nice.

And it's not, they offer no, they're not transparent about it at all.

Again, not to make everything about me, but when I got a dagger on my list, I, my publisher, which is like a really, it's Simon ⁇ Chooser, it was like a legit publishing house.

I asked them to reach out to New York Times.

I would be happy to provide any.

Like I did.

When they put a dagger next to your name, it's like, yeah, this person sold a lot of books, but we have reason to believe that maybe they bulk bought their own book.

And I was like, okay.

So I asked them to reach out.

I said I would provide anything.

Like I didn't want the dagger to live on the website.

Like I am not worthy of a dagger.

Never heard.

Like they weren't willing.

They never responded.

They never gave anything.

And so they're not willing to work with writers or public.

They're very rigid.

Yeah.

So I think that everybody has complained over the years, you know, this person didn't make it.

It's

infighting and this and that and dagger and such.

But when James Patterson is saying it, and he's made, he owns the list.

He makes it no matter what.

Like he's a darling of the literacy world.

It's impossible to ignore.

Yeah.

But I also think some of his books, he said he wrote a book about police,

American police.

It was like illuminating first-hand stories and it didn't make the list.

They said that, I don't know, they said some bullshit about that.

So he's experienced it when it's not, you know, Alex Cross.

Right, right, right.

You would assume, and to see like a book of his not make the list.

Like, that's impossible.

That's impossible.

Because to be honest, people are really surprised because

like books aren't really what they used to.

I think a lot of people think in order to make the list, you have to sell like a million books.

To make it one of the lists, I think you need like a good minimum of like 6,000 copies

in three months.

6,000 and be a favorable person.

And be a favorable person.

But if you're an unfavorable person, how many do you think you have to sell in the first week of sales?

To be like unable to do that.

Impossible to ignore.

Also depends what else came out that week and such.

It does.

It does.

Okay, so I.

Time of year.

I have to say, you know, above 15,000.

Yeah, because sometimes you'll see someone on the list and it's like,

I'm sorry, nobody's buying that book.

You didn't even chart on Amazon, bro.

Right.

That's the other thing.

Now we we have, that's exactly what he's saying.

We have access to so much data.

We're able to look in real time at Amazon at the, you know, audiobook bookstore, at the

Kindle bookstore.

Like, yeah.

You could really see that shit is updated multiple times a day.

You can see what books are popular.

He said he gets his info from BookScan.

I think it literally tells you how many books.

So I actually like a year.

Can a lay person look at BookScan?

No, you have to like, I think, register as an author, which I did.

And then I never checked it.

I really should check it.

Terry Lit.

We need those information.

I know.

Yes, we have so much data.

It's like, come on, who do you think you're fooling?

Maybe back in the day, everyone would flock to New York Times being like, wow, they sold a lot of books.

But we have so much access, especially as authors.

And it must be really disheartening to have like a really great week with your book and think you're going to get it and really be eligible, but not get it.

But I will say on the flip side, because we have all of these other methods of seeing charts, just that we can use them to disprove the New York Times, but it also helps elevate those exact books that we're talking about.

Like I don't necessarily get my book recommendations from New York Times.

I get them from Amazon charts.

I get them from Goodreads charts.

In the same way that, oh, we have all those charts that we could see that you're wrong.

We also have all those charts.

We could see what's actually popular.

Well, then it's like we as a society need to stop putting so much emphasis and importance on the New York Times list.

Because we know now, and James Patterson has validated that it's actually not a legitimate list.

Yeah.

But it's just the culture we live in.

Even me, I'm like ragging on the list.

You will not catch me go one day without telling people I made the New York Times.

Like we put so much importance on it.

The unfortunate importance of the New York Times.

It's so like it's just unfortunate.

I know, by the way, I know it's fraudulent.

Like I have had a first-hand experience at it being fraudulent and it's still one of my greatest accomplishments.

How sad is that?

Beyond.

Yeah.

And that's just a little bit about me being a loser.

I doubt anything will change, but this is definitely a big spotlight.

It might be helpful if like other big authors

joined the, you know.

Yeah, but it's like on the one hand, you have to be big enough that it it doesn't matter if they hate you.

You don't want to get, you want to get on the bad side.

Yeah, but if you're like, you know, you're Taylor Jenkins Reed and you're creeping up and you are finally having your moment in the sun, it's like, well, I'll shut up.

Every man for himself.

Yeah, Colleen Hoover is like killing it.

But even Colleen Hoover, like technically, there should be weeks where she's the only person on the list.

Right.

And also, I feel like when she was like only doing e-books for certain of her books, like those books, before she was the talk of the town, those books probably were selling a couple thousand copies in a given week.

There are lists like that are strictly e-books.

And she probably was snubbed a number of times before they just like decided.

She's not ignorable.

Before they decided to platform her.

Yeah.

Like it's almost like an endorsement.

Yeah.

I think that's how they see it.

Yeah.

It's bullshit.

That's why you should become a redhead because we don't do any crap like this.

No, and they are a data-based book club, right?

Sure, yeah.

I mean, we each give a rating.

We do the average.

You put data first.

And we put it in a ranking system.

We have a spreadsheet ranking system of the best books, but we also would say that we don't feel like it accurately reflects when we think back on all the books that we've read yeah but new episode of the red head drops this week on thursday we are recording today so get your questions in for y'all girlies

because

we're ready to chit chat because it's time and because this month's book was extremely crazy was it divisive

I don't know how it will be divisive.

I think that it will just be like a really passionate episode in terms of like,

I didn't like this book.

Got it.

You know what I mean?

But it's like, I feel differently about, I didn't like the book, but I feel differently than, it's not like other books I've disliked.

And

Lob.

Got it.

So yeah, great discussions coming up.

Before we dive into the fifth and final story, right?

Fifth and final?

Fifth and final.

Let me just share how today's episode finally is brought to you by Zoch Talk.

You've been stewing about a health problem you have.

Isn't that the truth, Jackie?

Open up.

Whoa, I didn't know I would be put on the spot.

Actually, Actually, doctor patient confidentiality.

Sorry.

Yeah, thanks.

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Thank you, Claudia.

You're welcome.

Our fifth and final story just got

moved.

Just got real.

Just got real.

No, it's a really sweet story.

Lamar Odom is acquiring rehab centers in California, vowing to save lives.

Lamar Odom has just invested in three drug treatment centers in California with the hopes of helping people turn around their lives, just as he did with his own several years ago.

TMZ Sports has learned the former LA Lakers star teamed up with Christian hip-hop artist Dante Ralston and former Hall of Fame skateboarder Dennis Martinez to acquire the facilities in San Diego, El Cajon, and Lemon Grove.

A rep for Odom tells us the venues consist of a women's residential treatment home and two men's detox and residential treatment homes.

The biddings will fittingly be called Odom Wellness Treatment Centers, and Lamar is vowing to be highly involved with the patients at the facilities.

In fact, they're told Lamar is ready to start saving lives ASAP.

He wants to help everyone he can.

He is thankful that he was given a second chance at his life and feels his destiny is is to help others oh this is so sweet what a great full circle moment it reminds me of dope sick

yeah how he became you know a professional i love lamar odom i have so much love in my heart for lamar odom i truly wish lamar odom the best and i think this is beautiful you know i think this is beautiful too i think it's also a great way to stay on track with your sobriety and your um

recovery is to like be involved in the community.

So I think it's great for him.

I think it's great for these

organizations the patients i love this i love this and he's kind of like becoming the man that chloe deserves deserves and probably always thought he could be i know and as much as i like love them and ship them i don't think there is a world in which no the ship has sailed quite literally but it's just fun to think about and i think margin moved on moved on yeah but he always says nice things about chloe he always said and he always i mean if she wanted to he would in a second it's not even a question but i think he knows like how he really kind of like fucked her up and how he's like grateful to be in a good place with her.

So I think he's just, you know, he's not asking for more.

He's just happy with where he's going to bloom where he's planted.

Yeah.

But if she called and said, get over here, he would be on the next plane.

He would.

I love this.

I'm really.

So just a little heartwarming news to end your Monday.

Because that was just the craziest time.

When we literally, I think he actually did die and they like brought him back.

The Kardashians thought he had passed away.

That was crazy.

Crazy.

And not only did he live, but he's helping others paying a bonus.

He's thriving.

He's thrising.

Thrice and streising.

You guys, Bruno sat on my lap the whole time.

He was such a good boy.

He needed his mommy today.

It's crazy how he will, he does not come upstairs once when we're remote.

Unless I'm here.

But when we're together, like all of a sudden, it's all pause on deck.

Of course, it's a potty.

It's a potty.

It's a party.

Bruno doesn't miss a party.

Bruno does not miss a party.

Bruno was falling asleep, sitting up.

He's so relaxed.

He's like,

because we're very relaxing.

Yeah.

When his two favorite ladies are together, he can rest peacefully.

And he successfully got the O on the floor, so he has no competition.

You know, this is the ideal situation for Bryce.

And Bruno has his back to him.

It's like he's not even here.

I love having the boys in the studio.

I love podcasting with you.

It's everything.

It's such a fun way to start your day.

Even though, oh my God, my day started horribly this morning.

I didn't mention it.

Oh, my God.

I thought today was going to be the worst day ever because I was,

like, when I went in the kitchen to make my coffee, I had to put some things away from the dishwasher and I broke two ceramic bowls like shattered everywhere

no but it was just like ceramic glass shattered everywhere who cleaned it up Zach and it was just a horrible way to start my day I'm so sorry but you would never know I felt like the whole day was ruined right like that was setting the tone one of those days yeah but look I had forgotten we turned it around turn it around turn it turned turn it around turn it around turn it turn it down turn it around turn it around

turn it around

love ya thanks so much for listening to the toast.

Oh, he knows.

He knows on the love ya.

Thanks so much for listening to the toast, the Millennium World Show, where we deal with the Fast Size Stories and Internet every Monthly Friday.

And YouTube is watching the YouTube.

Please subscribe, give us a video, thumbs up.

Also, available as podcasts and red podcasts can be found at Spotify, Junior, Public Radio, IRC, Postal Places, Listen to Podcast, Vanessa, Toast, Vivisarva, everybody, had a beautiful setting, and what the talented we are.

Hope you guys have a great day.

We'll see you tomorrow.

See you tomorrow.

Love ya.

Bye.

Bye.