The Yellow Bellies: Wednesday, March 22nd, 2023

Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the toast.

Happy Wednesday.

It is hump day.

It is a bright and gorgeous morning, speaking from a girl who slept a good chunk of time.

I'm a new woman.

Hey, Jax.

Can I introduce you to your new co-host?

Oh, I'm so excited, though.

I'm gonna miss Turdy Lou.

Who do we have here today?

It's Turdy Lou.

It's Turdy Shoe.

No, no, by the way, yesterday was Turdy Lou.

Today is Turdy Lou.

Yesterday was Turdy Boo.

And today is Turdy Woo.

Well, I'm so glad to meet Turdy Woo.

She seems like an amazing woman.

And I'm so glad that she doesn't have the same struggles as Turdy Boo.

When I tell you how much better I am, like what sleep can do.

And, you know, I like hated that I was, I was, yesterday I was walking through life.

I don't even remember doing the show.

I don't remember what stories.

And I hate that feeling of like feeling like I didn't do a good job on the toast.

But so many people enjoyed the anger.

We got good content out of it.

Our reels were popping off.

I feel like I did my job because that's literally what we do.

So I feel good, but I'm ready to dive back in like full attention.

I'm excited about the stories.

I'm excited about Jax.

I can't believe I was sitting here complaining about sleep to a pregnant woman who has a one-year-old.

Like, that's me, lack of self-awareness.

That's okay.

I did get another morning of waking up with my hatch.

And then like two minutes later, Harry woke up.

So it was really amazing.

That hatch is really something so far.

Let's talk about that.

Has Harry?

I'm obsessed.

Like I'm, this is definitely the longest I've gone without seeing him.

Like I,

my blood boiling, not okay.

He's great.

He's ready for you.

He just, you know, wants to play, wants to sing, wants to be entertained.

And his favorite entertainer is not here.

I am the entertainer.

Literally a week from tomorrow, I will see him.

I'm coming to your house, but like, I don't even know.

I'm going to get no time with him because I land super late.

Do you think I can like go in and give him a kiss when I land?

No.

No, because like he will wake up.

He is the type.

And like, Loki, you can't kiss a baby in a crib.

Like that crib is so far down.

It's backbreaking work.

Like, I'll have to go see my physical therapist.

I'm pregnant and putting him down, like, especially when he's like sleeping and I'm trying to like place him.

It can't happen.

No, like the one time I tried to put him down recently,

he was like, he was sleepy.

He wasn't sleeping.

He was in my arms.

I'm like hurled over this crib.

My feet are flailing off the side.

I like plopped him in.

He hit his head and he started crying.

It's terrible.

I actually always dream like every night when I put him down, I'm like, I need a fucking step stool that's like under the crib.

That's under the crib that I could just like pull out just like one step to make me taller.

And then I just like push it back in.

That's what you need.

Yeah.

I think it every night.

Actually now that I'm not going to order one like right now because, you know, has to go with the aesthetics and everything.

So

I'll wait.

A little, a little update from, you know, New York Toast Headquarters.

I got a heating pad for the show.

Wow.

And it's kind of gorgeous.

It is making me like kind of tired.

Like warmth just makes me tired.

Yeah.

But it's so nice because, you know, I want to sit up straight when we do the toast.

I want to have good posture, but that like makes my back hurt.

So I'm like, here was my heating pad.

I'm kind of loving it.

I realize that sometimes in the reels, I look really like a big oaf because throughout the episode, I slide down into the chair.

Like I always start looking really nice.

So then when I put, when I get my video and I'm like editing it, I always think I look really good, but like I don't really see the middle where I'm like a puddle.

Yeah.

So I need to sit up straighter during the toast if I want to like the reels and if I want Gen Z to still like think highly of me.

Oh my God, I know.

Like are you starting to consider Gen Z like into your everyday life?

Like what will Gen Z think?

No, not at all because I've had this success with Gen Z just like being myself and they like me as I am.

I think if I started pandering to them, they would sniff me out in a second.

No, it's true.

And that would kind of go against like your relationship with them because up until this point, you've been kind of like telling them the hard truths.

But they love hard truths.

And that's why it gives me hope.

And that's why I love them.

It gives me hope for the future.

It does.

So I just am going to keep doing my thing.

And Gen Z rides for Jackie.

Oh, it's a beautiful thing.

My book club met last night and I've realized like what my toxic trait of book club is.

Share.

I don't want to.

You're not going to know what it is.

Okay.

Don't please.

Don't start guessing what you think my toxic trait is.

I must seriously, maybe minimum 10 times per book club meeting, like bring up you.

Like, I feel like everyone's like, my God, shut up.

Like, either I'm talking about like what the Redheads do, or, oh, Jackie hated that book, or Jackie thought we should do this.

And they're like, I feel like everyone's like, my God, Jackie's not in this book club.

Like, fuck off.

Oh, my, what book did I hate?

Well, not hate, but we were coming up with suggestions for next week, and it's Rachel's turn to pick.

And she, we like to have like two or three options because it always turns out that somebody has already read the book.

So one of her selections was The Invisible Life of Addie Addie LaRue.

I know that's like a Jackie.

I'm like, you guys, Jackie loved.

Yeah, it's a Redhead's favorite.

It was so good.

I just don't think you're going to like it.

Did Snitch like it?

Yeah, we called it The Invisible Life of Snitchy LaRue.

Okay.

I would read it.

Like, I would read it.

Snitched like Midnight Library and you didn't.

Oof, such a bad book.

I actually really don't think you're going to like Addie LaRue.

Okay, so like when I vote, I'll vote for the other one.

What is the other one about?

I don't know, but they both sounded like decent.

Yeah.

It's it's just if you didn't like midnight library i don't think you're gonna like addie la rue it's a little it's also like magical realism oh my god i oh i have to tell everyone i hate magical realism and it's like throughout history

is it famous couples throughout history famous addie throughout history got it got it she's kind of like a solo girly But that's like my toxic thing.

And then you like send pictures of like Harry in the bath.

So I was like, guys, Jackie sent pictures of Harry.

And of course, everyone like got lit up for Harry.

But I just felt like, my God, I wonder how many times I've said Jackie during, oh, and like two of our book club members are pregnant.

So I'm like, well, Jackie said like this.

And you're pregnant too.

I'm like, oh, Jackie's also two then.

Like, I was like, really being annoying.

That's so funny.

I need to come to the next one.

Oh, my God.

They would love.

Okay, are you in town?

I'm trying to come to town in May.

Okay, maybe if you, um,

if it lines up with your trip, they would love it.

And whatever book you're reading, I'll read it too.

And like, we could participate.

A celebrity at our book club?

They would, oh my god, they would freak.

Yeah.

No, and like everyone knows you.

And like one of the girls, Markella, my book club, like is for in your grade.

So I'm always just like, I'm trying to keep everyone up to date with like Jackie Tings.

Yeah, but also like if not for the redheads whose steps you're walking in, like there might not be a book club.

So when we first got started, like some of our founding members, like we were really kind of looking to the redheads for guidance when it came to books and just structure.

We do Hollywood treatment.

So you're very much like a core, you know, cornerstone of the,

we need a name for our book club.

Ooh.

Well, what do you guys, you guys have like a home cooked dinner?

Yeah, we always, even though like my turn to host is coming up soon.

Um, and like we are going to be ordering in.

Ooh, but it's always like at someone's house.

It's always, it's very like Hamish.

Maybe it's like the potluck book club.

Yeah, but it's not a potluck because one person cooks.

We give one person like all the responsibilities of like the dishes.

And I love walking out with like a pile of dishes in the sink.

I'm like, see you next month.

Yeah, but that's going to be you.

No, no, I'm ordering in.

We're using plastic.

Why don't you make Ben cook?

That could be his punishment.

I mean, if everybody ate Ben's chili, like they would, I would be, they would ask me to host every month.

Oh, I understand.

It's a blessing and a curse.

Yeah.

You do need to come up with a name.

Yeah, I'll think about it.

I mean,

I think we should definitely, like, the core of the group, like a lot of us went to the same high school.

What about the yellow belly book club?

I love Jackie.

Okay, you guys, when we were in high school, I had like a core group of friends.

It was like 10 of us.

And, you know, when you're in high school, like you have to like do something, like to like, you know, symbolize that you're all in a group of friends.

And we got these yellow.

They were so, so fucking ugly.

These big yellow bangles.

What did they say on them?

I don't know.

I think they were from Dylan's candy bar.

Like they were huge, thick, chunky, bright yellow bangles with like red writing on it.

But like we loved them because you know, only, you know, the 10 of us had them.

And Jackie used to call us the yellow bellies because we wore these yellow bracelets it was actually hysterical and so most of the people in your book club are former yellowbellies or actually no or they're yellow belly adjacent they're yellow belly adjacent but only rachel is a yellow belly like abe was a guy so he wasn't in the yellow bellies margo i know from college raquel was two years older like i actually it's actually not a yellowbelly crew damn it would have been the perfect name it would have even though like nobody besides you and me knew that you called us the yellow bellies right but if it didn't catch on but if you just come up with a name for the book club, like that's a good catchy one, like the group will be like, okay,

yeah, Ahmed, you just like, if you hadn't brought up yellow bellies, I haven't thought about that in forever.

That's so funny.

But that's like, so you, you were always being like nickname girly.

Jackie has always been this like original creator of like, you know, turdy.

Like, it's not surprising that you are who you are.

I know.

I was just talking with my friend Erica because she was asking me like, why we call snitch the snitch.

Like, where's turd come from?

And I was, I literally had to go through every iteration of like where these things things came from.

And it's ridiculous.

It's inexplicable.

It really is.

And now I've got a snitch, a turd, and a trout.

And that's why I see like new trout.

I see new toaster as being like, can someone explain origin of like snitch or turdy?

And to be honest, it really doesn't matter.

Just know like I am turdy.

Margo is snitch.

Olivia is trout, you know?

Yeah.

And that.

Margo is not a snitch.

Like she does, she's not called snitch because she will snitch on you.

Not called turd, hopefully.

Hopefully.

She's not a big log of a duty.

And Olivia is not a fish.

And she doesn't particularly like fish.

It's not like a, you know, she likes fish.

She does, but it's, that's not why you call her because she's always eating fish.

No, I call her it because one time I was calling her like Oliver because her name's Olivia.

Like, that's no-brainer.

And I got confused and I thought Oliver Twist, the orphan, I thought his name was Oliver Trout.

So I said, Oliver Trout is something.

No, from the OC.

What's his last name?

Okay, no.

Okay, hold on.

Oliver from the O.C.

is Oliver T.

Oliver from the OC is Trask.

But who is Oliver Trout?

Who is Oliver Trout?

Okay, wait, like, no.

Like, Oliver Trout is not a thing.

Right.

I mean, actually, Oliver Trout on my LinkedIn is a sales associate at Tuckahoe Bike Shop, but other than that.

No, so I thought it was Oliver Trout, the orphan.

So I was like calling her Oliver Trout.

And then I called her Trout.

And it wasn't until like I was already calling her Trout that I realized it's Oliver Twist.

That's so funny.

Maybe Oliver Twist was asking, may I have Samoa, please?

Maybe he was asking for trout.

Maybe.

Probably not.

That was probably like porridge.

It's always porridge.

Sludge.

Mystery meat.

Well, it's Wednesday, which is such a good day here because we're always in high spirits.

We're halfway through the week.

We've hopefully either just come from humping someone we love or we're going to hump someone we love.

And we have Deer Toasters, our weekly advice segment, which is just one of my favorite parts of the week.

We've got three really good submissions and we're coming off of a high because last night Jackie and I did a live podcast episode, which we've been doing once a month on our Patreon.

I thought last night was, we didn't even talk about it.

We never got to recap because I ran to book club.

Yeah.

We, I thought it was one of our best one yet.

We were so funny.

We were so funny.

It's always so good and the time really flies.

It's an hour-long live show.

There's so much audience participation.

We have like this outline that we always actually wind up getting through, but we just go on a million tangents and it's so much fun.

We just get to talk about like everything.

And I think last night was one of our most highly attended events.

I know.

There was like almost 2,000 people watching live.

And then when I got home, 7,000 people had already watched it.

Wow.

So people were loving it.

If you missed it, you can still watch it.

And if you want to join live next month, just become a Patreon member and you'll get all the links and everything.

sent straight to your Patreon app also or your email, whatever it is.

So that's patreon.com slash toast.

That was fun.

I had a good time.

Yeah, I had a good time too.

too that was freaking fred our virtual live show that we do once a month live show it's virtual live show it's virtual live

wait i got one did it did it did do live show it's turning loo live show with jackson claude

So good.

So good.

Okay, so let's get into everything because we have a lot to do today.

A lot.

And we have good stories.

I'm really excited about them.

Yes.

I actually chose like three of them because I'm like so like on the pulse of pop culture.

So in the know.

So in the know.

Without further ado, here are the fast five stories that you need to know.

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I'm right on top of that, Rose.

Our first story, Giselle is on the cover of Vanity Fair looking gorgeous and talking about her divorce.

So the article itself, I started to read it and it's just like

too verbose about how she like picks up an injured baby bird and like,

it was just woof.

That is like that scene in something borrowed where Steve Howie, the guy who plays, I think his name is Marshall, he like picks up the ladies and he always tells them about, you know, this one time he really, he grew up an empath and he saw this injured bird and it's like this recycled, it's like such a corny thing people say, like, we get it, you're sensitive.

Like there are other ways of showing that.

Just listen to this paragraph.

Bunchin has just discovered the unmoving robin nestled on a white couch on our terrace, a serendipitous landing place with a panoramic vista of the beach below.

Looking bereft, she scoops the bird up with the ease of a Disney princess, taking care with its mangled claw.

Sounds like she wrote this herself.

Just sounds like this person is in the wrong line of work because

they want the T on Giselle, not the bird's wing.

But she also just did another cover,

and it feels like both of them are like, Giselle, like everything you need to know.

And it's like, well, why wasn't it in the first one?

Well, the other cover was Italian Vogue.

Vogue.

And this is much more like Giselle stripped down.

And she's talking about her divorce and she's debunking the rumor that it was about football.

Like it was not about the football, she said.

She told Vanity Fair in a bombshell April 20, 2023 cover story published on Wednesday that the former couple split was much bigger than just football.

When asked whether she gave Tom an ultimatum, their marriage or his job, she called the notion very hurtful and the craziest thing she's ever heard.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

She said she's always cheered for her now ex who retired in 2021 and then walked back on his decision.

She said, quote, if there's one person I want to be the happiest in the world, it's him, believe me.

I want him to achieve and to conquer.

I want all his dreams to come true.

Clarifying that she is not somebody who is against football.

She also claimed that politics never made her pull the plug on their marriage.

She called successful relationships a dance and a balance, saying when I was 26 years old and he was 29 years old, we met, we wanted a family.

We wanted things together.

As time goes by, we realize that we just wanted different things.

She noted that their decision doesn't mean that they don't love each other.

It just means that in order for you to be authentic and truly live the life that you want want to live, you have to have somebody who can meet you in the middle.

Politics?

What is that?

I never heard that.

And are either one of them extremely political?

Not that I know of, but hers just saying that thing at the end, like about you have to have someone who will meet you in the middle.

Like it does fan those flames of like, He didn't meet her in the middle because he chose football.

No, I know.

I don't think she's necessarily lying because maybe it wasn't wasn't about football, but like the,

you know, she could have had a problem with his priorities,

meaning, you know,

choosing to go back after he retired.

So it's not, it's not like she's mad about football, but she's mad about like, you know, him not putting the family first.

Like it's not the football thing.

It's always, you know, it's like, it's what we're always talking about.

It's like, it's not the dishes in the sink.

It's the lack of respect.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I feel like she could be telling the truth.

I think she is telling the truth, and especially when she calls it like the craziest thing that she's ever heard.

It It is like pretty extreme, but I'm sure also like if he was choosing football in some areas, like he was probably oftentimes making choices that weren't family-centric, though he does seem like a family man.

Yeah, and Bridget Moynihan has always spoken very highly of him as like a father and a family man.

So maybe it's not that, but maybe it's like in choosing football, like he's choosing living in Tampa, and like that's not the best.

thing for their family because she lives in Costa Rica now with

yeah that's where she is

she's also seen in Miami sometimes and they said she's dating some like businessman billionaire beau oh thank god somebody's finally taking our advice and I think his name is Mr.

Saffer

oh my god okay so I'm so glad you brought that up

So his name is Jeffrey Soffer.

And if you live in Miami, you know that name.

He owns the Fountain Blue Hotel.

Like he's a big, big developer.

And Ben actually has an uncle named Jeffrey Soffer.

But it's not him.

No, no.

And when Ben, like, so if you, if you grew up like in like a, the Jewish scene, like everybody went to Miami for Passover.

It was like the hot spot during high school.

Like you would see everyone you know.

And Ben used to stay at the Fountain Blue and he used to get like crazy special treatment because his last name was Saffer, but there's quite, and spelled the exact same way.

There's literally no relation.

Ben was like so young, able to get every, so the Fountain Blue Hotel has the club Live, which is like one of the biggest clubs in all of Miami.

Ben used to be able to get all these kids in.

He's like, hi, I'm Ben Soffer.

My dad is Bruce.

And I actually think the other Jeffrey Saffer has a brother named Bruce.

And Ben's dad, Bruce, has a brother named Jeffrey.

Like, it's crazy.

There was like a, and what I tell you, there's literally no relation, but there were so many like similarities.

Eventually, the jig read up, but Ben was writing this scam for like five years during Passover time in Miami.

And he was like the coolest kid on the block.

What if all this time, like, we thought Ben has the Ben effect, but it's really just people thinking he's related to Jeffree Soffer?

I don't think that's it.

What I think it is, is like that,

those formative years in Miami, where Ben was kind of treated special for who they thought he was kind of gave Ben the drive and the connections,

thus resulting in what we now know as the Ben effect.

Do you think it also resulted in the entitlement that led him to use the flashlight at 4 30 a.m.

and leave a can of beans for his wife for weeks on end?

I do.

Because I really do.

I just used to go to the fountain and we're like, someone put away his beans.

Yeah.

Jackie, nothing in life is an accident.

You know, we're all like a a connect.

Everything, everyone's life is a connection, a series of moments.

And so Ben is the man and the person that he is because of those formative years spent as Jeffrey Saffer's quote-unquote nephew.

Jeffrey Saffer's ward.

Right.

So everything we know about Ben is a direct result of kind of the monster he was made into in Miami in those early 2000s.

Wow.

How are you and Ben?

Have you forgiven him, by the way?

So funny.

I was, I think, I don't know if I said this.

Oh, I think I said this on Breaking Bread last night.

Like, I, for the last week, I feel like I've come on here and like dragged Ben between the chili, the flashlight, Ben's offer a celebrity.

Like every episode, our titles have all been about Ben.

You would never know.

Like at home, I'm such a doting wife.

And Ben's been traveling a lot.

So like I'm not going to like be mad at him still while he's traveling.

And like I miss him and I love him.

I just like love to use him for content and fodder and everything is true, but I'm not, I'm not mad.

Even though this morning we FaceTimed and he was like, how are you feeling?

I'm like, I'm like a lot better since Flashlight gave.

Yeah.

But I am not actually mad.

Got it.

Okay, that's good.

That's surprising, though.

Yeah, no, I know, because I can hold a grudge with the best of them.

Yeah.

But Ben of all the people in my life.

You're really like so, you're so soft.

You're so soft with Ben.

It's crazy.

Cause like, we know you as this tough bitch.

Yep.

And if anyone else pulled half the shit Ben has pulled, even in the last like year, I probably would talk to them.

24 hours.

I wouldn't talk to them.

Yeah.

No, you're real softy when it comes to Ben.

That's a fun fact about Turdy Lou that you guys would never expect.

And like, every time I hear it, I'm shocked.

Like, when she said, like, oh, no, Ben and I were on the phone, like, keying, I miss him.

I was like, so you don't hate him?

No, I know it's shocking, but like, I low-key love him.

Like, and I, you know?

That's so sweet.

It's the truth.

Yeah, but he is great for content.

Though I did

hear he was going to sue the toast for defamation.

Good.

He should.

First of all, we'll get so much press and he'll lose because nothing I said was a lie.

In order to, you know, win a defamation case, which is extremely difficult.

You have to prove that the person was lying.

I have photo evidence of the beans.

I have yesterday's episode to prove I was clearly up at 4:30.

Clearly.

No lies were told.

Damn.

Okay.

Well, speaking of court cases, our next story.

Oh.

Wednesday Paltrow

is in Utah at court for the first day of a civil trial brought against her over by a retired optometrist, Terry Sanderson, over a ski accident in 2016.

Is optometrist eyes?

I think so.

Yeah.

I just saw like a funny TikTok of like the world's leading optometrists doing a panel about, you know, the benefits of laser eye surgery or LASIC.

And every single one of them was wearing glasses.

Stop.

Yeah, so it's like, well, why didn't you get it?

Or maybe they did get it, but it does start to dwindle.

The effects dwindle after many, many years.

I just thought it was interesting.

That's funny.

Ever since dope sick, I'm like, hella sus.

Yeah, but though I've heard laser eye surgery is just miraculous for those who need it.

Like I can, I'm privileged in the sense that I've never known what it's like to like wake up and not

and have to reach for my glasses.

Me too.

And like clatter around.

Yeah, like, oh, oh, oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Or like have to put contacts in my eyes every single day.

But for the people who have done the surgery, like Dana just did it like two years ago.

Oh my God, she doesn't.

She's still talking about it.

It's the best thing she ever did in her whole life.

It's literally life-changing.

Life-changing.

I think Snitch wants to do it.

I think Olivia should do it too.

I think Olivia should do it too.

Olivia's eyes are really bad.

Olivia's been like, you know, clattering for her glasses like since she was a youngin.

Since we were quite literally like six.

Yeah.

She did start wearing contacts really early in life and she's kind of been a contact queen.

But it's time to level up.

It's time to level up.

That's a good birthday gift for somebody, like to schedule them and like get them LASIK eye surgery.

Yeah.

Kylie got it recently, her and Stas.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They were so excited.

Yeah.

Okay.

Anyways, Gwyneth is on trial and she will be testifying, as will her husband, Brad Falchuk, and both of her kids, Apple and Moses, in this ski accident trial.

So basically, this man, they were all skiing in Deer Valley Resort in February 2016.

There was a ski collision between Gwyneth and the optometrist.

The optometrist says that it was a hit and run, that Gwyneth got him from behind, knocked him out, and he suffered severe injuries and she kept on skiing.

Then Gwyneth was with a ski instructor.

The ski instructor filed a report saying that it wasn't Gwyneth's fault, like he reported the accident, but the optometrist is saying it's a false report.

And he was suing Gwyneth for $3.1 million in damages, you know, brain trauma, physical stuff, you know, quality of life, never gonna be the same again.

Gwyneth is maintaining that one, this guy caused the accident and two, he's doing this, extorting her fame and her wealth, etc.

Can I ask you a question though?

Because I don't ski.

And so I don't know what the legalities are or what, like, you know, what are the rules, but let's say even it was her fault, like she, you know, didn't see him and knocked into him.

Is that not just like an occupational hazard of skiing?

Like, we're all, that's why I don't ski.

I'm always hearing about like crazy skiing accidents.

Like, isn't that just like you chose to get on a mountain?

Like, isn't that just like a potential hazard of being a skier?

Yeah.

But like, if someone does injure you, you do have the right to sue them.

But also, it's the hit and run aspect that she like hit him.

He was injured and she didn't wait for help or try and help him.

It's the same thing with, you know, you could get into a car accident.

And it's like, if you hit and run, like, it's a much bigger crime than...

an accident.

Oh, that's true.

Okay, but also, if she did severely injure him, wouldn't she have been injured too?

Like, you can't just, like, if you knock into someone, that's, you're both being.

It could go either way.

Like, you could knock someone over, they have a bad fall, and you manage to catch yourself.

Okay.

There's all different variations of what could happen.

So, Gwyneth will be taking the stand during the trial.

And her attorney said in opening statements that Brad Falchuk will and her kids, who were 9 and 11 at the time, they were on a family ski trip.

Like, Gwyneth is really just like putting everything behind maintaining her innocence and that this man is like some extortionist.

I mean, I have to assume she probably has a decent case because this is so public and she has so much money.

Like it might be, you know, more

less, less worry for her to have just paid this guy all those years ago, you know?

Yeah.

Also, I'm pretty sure the judge capped it at 300,000 for even if he wins, like it's not going to be $3 million.

So she would have just settled with him out of court if she was really in the wrong.

Yeah, but I also, I mean, I don't know Gwyneth and I feel like I'm basing spending more on lawyers than 300,000.

Yeah, I'm basing this off of like her character and the politician, but I really feel like if she ran collided with someone, like she would, she would stop and help them.

Let me tell you how one of my also a ski instructor would say, that is their job is to patrol the slopes.

Like they were on a beginner's course.

You don't just like leave someone there.

Of course, there could be corruption.

The ski instructor is protecting Gwyneth, but like it's a ski accident.

Let me tell you how one of my ever since I met Gwyneth Paltrow, like one of my missions in life is to let people know like how wrong they are about her.

She is quite literally the nicest woman you've ever met in your life.

She's so not what you think.

And I feel like of all celebrities, like she has this crazy image of like what people think about her, just given the fact that she's like a Nepo baby.

She has this like wellness empire that's like kind of out of touch.

Like it's not relatable to like a lot of people.

And I think people really feel like they know her.

And when I first met her and I was around her and her kids, I was like, shook at the woman in front of me.

Like she reminded me so much of like just a mom.

She was like obsessed with her kids, like kissing them.

It was just, she was so normal.

She was so loving.

She was so interested in what other people were saying.

When you meet celebrities, it's always like no one else is talking.

It's just them, then, them, them, them, them.

And it's actually kind of boring to be around celebrities because, like, I want to talk about myself.

She was asking so many questions about, like, what I do, like, everyone at the table.

She was like, what is your relationship like?

Like, she was so gracious and so loving.

And I've just really always felt like she was so misunderstood.

And I think in recent years, like,

people have definitely gotten to know her a little bit better, but I still feel like people really don't know her.

And you're right.

Like her character is not that character of someone who would literally assault someone, even by accident, and then move on.

She's like an empath.

She's compassionate.

Like she's a mother.

She would never like, that's just, and that's just my own.

I have no proof of this.

And I'm definitely biased because I feel like I really.

Like you've met Gwenis, but you haven't met Terry Sanderson.

Right.

So I'm just saying based on my own, and I feel like everyone in this life should make judgments based on their own experience with people, not what they think or what they read.

I really believe she's like a wonderful person.

That's really, really nice to hear.

And I also feel like if she were in part responsible for this, and it's more of what he said than what she said, she would not be putting her children on the stand to testify in her defense, especially when they were nine and 11.

It's like, remember that thing that happened when you were nine?

Can you go and lie about it?

Under oath for me, no.

100%, especially when her kids, up until this point, are very private.

Like they don't have like, you know, crazy social media followings.

They're not, Apple has started now that she's like, I think 16 or 17, she started to like maybe go to events, but they're not like crazy public figures.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I also had seen a headline.

I knew I should have opened the tab for this story because I was going to reference it that in discovery, I guess it's come out that the guy texted his daughter after the collision saying like, I'm going to be famous.

Oh, oh.

But I need to find it because I only saw the headline.

It was on the Daily Mail.

And now, of course, I can't.

Oh.

Well, he wasn't wrong.

He is famous now.

Oh, wait.

Okay.

A screen and a Facebook status saying I'm famous.

Oh.

That's not good.

That's a negative in his column.

Yeah.

Where's the Facebook status?

I don't know.

That's a negative in his column for sure.

But then there's also a witness who was like the witness on the slopes who said it was Gwena's fault.

This is just a classic case, literally, of he said she said.

It is.

And so the court shall decide.

But i also feel like

there are

companies that that can do like mock collisions based on you know the slope where he was found velocity her weight his weight and see like are the injuries sustained that by him

are they

do they coincide with his tale of things or not I'm sure Gwenna's people have, you know, the right teams putting together those sort of mock accident things.

Yeah.

This is interesting.

And so, of course, people on the internet are now saying that last week, Gwyneth's drama with her podcast was very intentional.

She put that out so people would talk about that as opposed to this, which quite literally makes no sense.

I hate, that's how I know people don't understand like celebrity culture because they're always saying, like, the Kardashians put this out, so we're not talking about that.

When has that ever stopped people on the internet from talking about something?

It's so dumb.

And why would Gwyneth put herself intentionally in a negative light knowing this thing is coming up.

Would it be like, well, she's obviously a bad person.

Look at this pot.

Like,

so it wasn't like that was good press and that made you feel more warmly towards Gwyneth.

If anything, it's like, if she were going to a soup kitchen last week, I'd be like, oh.

Well, that's clearly intentional.

That's clearly, you know, to

nullify the effects of what we're about to see.

I hate when people say that.

And sometimes that is what happens.

And I agree.

But people have just like taken that notion so far.

They're always saying that.

Well, like, maybe they're putting this out to distract us from that.

And it's like, that stuff actually happens.

But the way you're saying it, that makes no sense.

Why would Gwen like the people saying it for the Gwenna thing is quite literally the dumbest thing?

Yeah.

That's not how it works.

No, that's not how any of this works.

Literally.

Okay, well, are you ready for our next story?

Yeah.

Some happy couple news.

Dylan Sprouse is engaged to Barbara Palvin after five years of dating.

I'm obsessed with these two.

Yeah.

I forgot.

I was worried for a second that they weren't still together because I hadn't heard of them in so long.

But that's a good sign.

It is.

It is.

But usually, you know, you see pics and they are also very like aesthetic.

So I would always stuff things up with like an explore page.

I don't follow either.

He's like a photographer.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They're always just like doing tings.

But.

He popped the question to Barbara Palvin, his longtime girlfriend.

A source told Entertainment Tonight on Tuesday that Dylan and Barbara are engaged.

They have been showing off her ring to people and are so happy.

They're always very in love with one another and by each other's sides, but they're even happier than usual.

They can't wait to start this next chapter together.

I like love these two as a couple.

Ever since they started, I have stand.

They're so well matched.

And I never would have even, like, how did these two even, you know, end up in the same room?

Like, it's so random, but they're so good looking.

Zach, what's his name?

Zach.

I'm saying Zach and Cody.

Dylan.

is so handsome.

Like he really grew up to be such a handsome young man.

She is so next level, like perfection.

Like I, honestly, if I could look like anyone, she's definitely on like my top 10 list of people I would want to look like.

And they're so in love.

They're so low-key.

They've been together for so long.

I was, I was like genuinely happy for them when I heard this news.

Yeah, me too.

Nothing but good news.

Nothing but good, nice things to say.

So the conversation.

The story is short.

But it's also so weird when you think about how different the Sprouse brothers ended up in their careers.

Cause you would have thought like, you know, with Riverdale and then that really was like this resurgence of Cole Sprouts.

Like if anything, like Cole was out here winning, because Zach doesn't really act.

He's much more located in like the artist world.

He's a beverage company.

Right.

He's not as currently, you know, famous in the typical sense.

But

he stays winning too.

Yeah.

And I love it.

I really do.

I'm so, and I feel like his relationship with Barbara, people are obsessed with.

So he's like kind of stayed in, you know, in terms of relevance in the limelight because of that.

And when she was at the Victoria Secret fashion show, he was there.

Like, it was just so cute.

So cute.

And then it also just reminded me, we never got to talk about Cole Sprouse on Caller Daddy.

I didn't watch the interview, but I saw the highlights and the smoking.

The cigarette.

The cigarette.

Honestly, I never thought much about Cole Sprouse, like

ever.

And having seen just even the few clips from his interview, I know for a fact, like, we would not like each other, like, on a personal level.

He was giving cringe.

I mean, like, smoking inside is something you have to be extremely cool to do.

And he's not cool in that way.

And after the interview, he's probably less cool than I thought he was.

Just even how he holds a cigarette.

Like it was just, it was cringe.

It was even cringe.

I would have had more respect for him if he started to vape, honestly.

Also, just the way that he talks, he's so serious.

He's so verbose.

Like he's obviously very smart and educated.

And I think that if you can sit through what he's trying to say, he's probably saying something and making a point, but it is word salad, but it's big word salad.

Big words in the sense.

I mean, I went to, I went to NYU at the same time as Dylan and Cole.

They're very well well educated.

Yeah, but you don't sound like that, Turdy Lou.

Why not?

Not at all.

It's because I was trying to get famous on Instagram throughout college.

Well, Cole was actually studying.

I remember people used to know a lot about them because they were like the celebrities on campus.

He was studying archaeology.

Like he's very,

he's like a curious person.

Yeah, which is good.

And I do feel like that's really not something that you can fake.

Yeah.

Or you can, but like he didn't sound like dumb.

He just sounded pompous.

Pompous and like um

condescending yeah

and it's just like he is relatively young like you don't have all the answers but you sound like someone who does oh my god that's that's that's exactly what it was it was cringe like the whole thing was really cringe especially in the smoking yeah it's like rude i think she like films in her house like it's it's no it's not her house but it's like a house and that's and then she has a studio and yeah and like those chairs are buccal like they absorb they absorb

totally but i think they smoke pot in there sometimes too.

Oh, you're right.

But pot really is different.

Like cigarette smells like, and the fumes, like they get into the walls.

I'm always seeing people on TikTok clean, like these people who are like expert cleaners going into homes of people who have passed away who smoked in their house for 30 years.

And like the black shit that comes out of people's like walls and air vents is like nothing you've ever seen in your life.

Furniture, it really, it's like tar.

Yeah.

Now I'm just trying to think about like smoking on podcasts.

Like on Joe Rogan, they smoke cigars a lot, but that's a studio.

Maybe they have proper ventilation.

It doesn't sit.

Yeah, they smoke pots.

And like Joe is smoking too.

So it's okay.

I'm sure he was like, I'm not smoking.

She's not going to say no.

I don't know if anyone, I've not seen the Joe Rogan episode where someone was smoking a cigarette, but I've not watched even close.

I am sure 100% somebody has.

They probably have to have people come in and clean those curtains and the carpets because that shit gets into fabric.

Yeah.

And then I'm sure there's people who like jewel.

Which is, I think, it doesn't leave any after effects on furniture.

But just like people like might make fun of you, depending on how you look doing it.

But I think I would make more fun of, at least in the Cole situation, it was so uncool in terms of like aesthetic.

He should have vaped.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I guess if you're a person who interviews a lot of celebrities, it would behoove you to have like a stock.

If I was Alex Cooper or like, you know, Joe Rogan and I had like a celebrity coming into my studio every week, and I would have probably like a stockpile of pot, of cigarettes, of vapes, of cigars, like, and liquor, obviously, like for whatever anybody needs.

Cause everybody is always, if you really want to get them comfortable and do like

they do.

Yeah.

They do.

So yeah, that was, that was funny.

That was cringe.

Are you ready for our next story?

Yeah.

Sophia Coppola's daughter, Romy, is going viral because she was grounded for trying to charter a helicopter.

Nepo babies, they're just like us.

The eldest daughter of acclaimed filmmaker Sophia Coppola, 16-year-old Romy, just revealed in a totally unrelatable yet hilarious TikTok that she was grounded for attempting to rent a chopper using her musician father's credit card.

So

she was taking the chopper, she said, because she wanted to go have dinner with her camp friend.

Yeah, I saw.

And so she was grounded for such.

So the video, she like is talking in fast-forward mode and she says, make a vodka sauce with pasta with me because I'm grounded because I tried to charter a helicopter from New York to Maryland on my dad's credit card because I wanted to have dinner with my camp friend.

She goes on to disclose that she didn't know the difference between garlic and an onion, so she had to Google images of onions on her phone.

She also said she's going to do this since she's already grounded, and her parents' biggest rule is like she's not allowed to have any public social media platforms, but she didn't think she would be getting famous from this TikTok.

Right.

She's like, no one's going to care.

I thought that was interesting that like having no public social media is like a rule in her house.

And she said it was because her parents don't want her to be a Nepo baby, even though her mother is quite literally the definition of a Nepo baby.

Well, that's so, maybe that's exactly why she didn't want that for her daughter.

I guess, but like, she's reaping the benefits.

Why can't Rome?

Yeah, but also, she's 16.

Like, that is really young.

And because she is of note and her parents are of note, like, everything she does is going to be looked at so critically.

Literally, she puts out a text and we have a microscope and it's filled with tea.

And, like, the girl doesn't even know like the gems that she's spewing because she's just, like, lives on a different planet.

I know.

And for me, I know people had a lot of takeaways from this, but like, for me, I'm so curious what camp she goes to.

Oh my god, that's funny.

If anybody has any insight, just DM me.

I won't share it because that's fucking weird, but I'm just like fucking curious.

Yeah, but now she's 16, she's not in camp anymore.

She would be like waiting to become a counselor, counselor, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But she still has camp friends.

I was just curious, like, you know, back in the day, there was like a camp scene.

We went to a few different camps, everybody knew of the different camps.

So I'm just curious now, like, where are the cool kids going to camp?

Yeah, that's what I want to know.

Yeah.

So

the TikTok has been deleted for Sophia Sophia Coppola's daughter, Romy.

The TikTok has been deleted,

but it's kind of a star.

She's also gorgeous, of course.

Gorgeous, gorgeous.

And we got a little insight into her babysitter.

Did you see?

Babysitter's boyfriend.

Boyfriend.

Yeah.

She said, this is Ari or whatever, my babysitter's boyfriend, which I thought was interesting.

Like, I guess you have a babysitter when you're 16.

It's like, no, you babysit when you're 16.

Right.

And maybe it was just like her.

I think babysitter is probably like an affectionate term that she uses for whoever is the person who's like home with her.

But honestly, maybe she's like a problematic child.

She's already ground up.

I mean, chartering a helicopter by yourself.

She's not the type of 16-year-old who you would leave alone, I guess.

Yeah.

Some 16-year-olds are like really responsible and very, you know, they have jobs.

Maybe she's just not one of those.

Yeah.

It's just like a completely funny TikTok.

It's almost like if Sophia Coppola directed a TikTok video.

A hundred percent.

But even the babysitter's boyfriend, he talked about the helicopter fiasca because it's a feminine fiasco.

Oh, by the way.

Because it's Women's History Month.

I also now know

something I didn't know, which is that Sophia Coppola is married to the lead singer of Phoenix.

Cool.

I didn't know that.

But is that her dad?

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

That's nice.

I know.

That's really nice.

Yeah, she holds up the Grammy in the video, too.

Right, which I guess is from her dad.

Yeah.

Does her mom have any Oscars?

I don't think so.

I don't.

No, no, no.

No.

Bling Ring wasn't winning any Oscars?

No.

And, like, not that many female directors have ever won Oscars.

Oh, that's true.

It's a very short list, and we wouldn't know if she was on it.

Yeah, you're right.

So that's what's going on with Romy.

I hope that her grounding ends soon, but I'm imagining that it just got extended.

Oh, beyond their freaking.

The thing is, though, the internet, shockingly, has received this video really well.

Like, people are kind of obsessed, so it's not like she tarnished the family name, but she did break the family rules.

No, she broke her parents' rules.

Like, no matter who you are, like, that gets you grounded.

Yeah, but like, if she broke the rules and like did something crazy scandalous and like got herself in trouble and like photographed at a club, like tarnished the family name, or like did this video and it was like so poorly received and it was like, This girl, ah, like, I think it would be even worse for Mrs.

You're right.

You're right.

If anything, it's

giving people a fondness towards the Coppola crew.

It is.

It's cute.

It's cute.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

Someone who's not acting cutely.

Oh, who?

Nick Lache has been ordered to attend anger management classes and alcoholics anonymous meetings nearly a year after he accosted a female photographer who was snapping pictures from her car.

Veteran celebrity photographer.

I thought that you were going to say just like a man on the street.

No, a popper.

He, you know, was aggressive with a paparazzi female.

Paparazzi.

Many

paparazzi.

A lot of celebrities have

been there.

He was drunk, and I guess she pressed charges, and he didn't get any

jail time.

Jail time, but he has to go to anger management and AA in exchange.

Also, the photographer said that Nick still hasn't apologized.

Until this day, Nick hasn't taken any responsibility.

He's justified it.

He thought this was done, but it's not done.

I mean, to me, this is so different than, like, you know,

it's not like this woman was doing nothing to him.

Like, paparazzi is very invasive, it's really bad for a lot of people's mental health.

So, it wasn't like completely one-sided.

Of course, you should never physically hurt anyone, especially a woman.

But, um, to me, this really doesn't tarnish my image of Nicolash.

Like, to me, this is just he had a bad day, and like

it's a part of being a celebrity, it's like getting mad at a paparazzi.

Yeah, the video shows him approaching the paparazza's car and

reaching through the window, attempting to snatch her phone and spewing profanities.

She said that she rolled up her window really quickly, which she was relieved that she did.

Otherwise, he would have knocked me out, no doubt about it.

Okay, well, you have literally no proof of that.

Sounds like she actually didn't get assaulted.

She just got her phone snatched, which is hella dramatic to take to court.

And if now, knowing what I know, Team Nick.

Whoa, that's not what I thought you were going to say.

Paparazzis are always out here, like baiting people and then playing the victim.

Yeah.

Wow.

Like, no,

this is not...

She was not assaulted.

Getting your phone snatched, it's wrong.

And saying,

you know, and then the window.

I don't know what he would have done.

Well, neither do we because you closed the window, so case closed.

Yeah, but it did sound like he got an arm in there and he didn't knock you out.

He just wanted the phone.

The phone.

Like,

drama.

Drama for what?

Oh, my God.

I really was not expecting us to be defending Nicolashea Lachey today.

Why?

I like Nick Lachey.

You do?

I thought it was going to be like Jessica was right.

No.

Trash.

I have moved on.

Like, I have moved on from Nick and Jess.

I think they both have too.

I think they were so young.

In her book, like, she really dragged him to filth and like embarrassed him.

And you know what?

He was human.

He was young.

He was famous.

And then he ended up marrying someone who became more famous than him.

And he got jealous because he had a big ego because he was young.

Like, I don't think he's a bad person.

I really don't.

Okay.

You don't think he's an angry person who needs anger management?

I really don't.

Like, and I think the proof is in the life he has with Vanessa Lachey.

Like, it was really unfortunate.

It was unfortunate at the timing because we were all standing, him and Jess, but like

he is a family man.

He's a loyal husband.

He works hard.

He's maintained a really nice career.

Love is blind is the best thing that ever happened to him.

But like, I don't know.

How can I really be mad at Nick Lachey, for real?

And I feel like him and Jessica have both publicly said that they like squashed it.

They sent baby gifts and then Vanessa was like, I never got a gift, but like, you know what I mean.

Like, I feel like it's good.

Okay.

Yeah.

No, I agree.

I do agree with everything you said.

I don't harbor, even though, you know, I stand Jessica, she's my birthday twin, I don't harbor any hate in my heart for Nicolash.

And that's because I believe that Jessica doesn't.

They're both so happy and successful and in love.

Yeah.

It was the best thing for them.

They were so young.

Yeah.

And Jessica's like more happy and more successful.

So that's good.

Definitely more successful.

You know, you can't measure happiness.

No.

So those are the fast high stories.

And now for Dear Toasters.

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All right, are we ready for dear toasters?

We're ready.

Again, if you ever want to write in, our email is deartoasters at gmail.com.

We will read your prompt on air, but we will, of course leave your name out it's totally anonymous and you know jackson claude are going to do their best with with what you've got you know we sometimes we give tough love sometimes it's the things you don't want to hear but sometimes the thing it's the thing you need to hear

all right

good morning jackson clerd I have a dilemma and I need your advice.

My husband and I have one car and he drops me off at work.

I use the Alexa alarm that gradually wakes me up because waking up has always been difficult for me.

Recently, my husband has been turning my alarm off without my knowledge and blames me for making a slate.

He doesn't wake me up after he's turned off the alarm or anything while he's like in the shower.

He just expects me to wake up magically.

I told him I need this type of alarm in order to wake up in a timely manner and not hold us both up.

Do I tell him to lay off or should I start just using a different type of alarm?

No.

Honestly, I feel like this is the best time you could have asked this question.

Try the hatch.

Yeah.

Because the way that it works, and I'll have a code soon because I'm clapping with them for the redheads.

Sorry, Toast.

It's okay.

Cheating on us.

The way that it works is like

30 minutes before your alarm is supposed to go off, they start this light that is supposed to be like the sun.

So, you know, 30 minutes before, it's just like a little light.

And by the time you're supposed to wake up, it's this really bright light and you don't even realize that it's woken you up.

So the last two days, I woke up a few minutes before my alarm.

And then by the time my alarm went off, I was like, oh, okay, I can get out of bed.

And I've always been a snoozer, always.

Yeah, me too.

And I intentionally set my hatch alarm to make, wake me up earlier than I need to be up because I would like to have extra time and I still didn't snooze usually if I set my alarm for earlier that's just more time to snooze yeah I think that might just be like a really easy solve here right no I completely agree but also turning off someone's alarm and not waking them up is next level psychotic it is but some people like just are people who wake up when they wake up and they they open their eyes and they get out of bed and it's not very hard for them.

So he might not like understand how impossible that is for you.

Right.

It's impossible for me too.

And if someone turns off my alarm, I've turned off my alarm in my sleep and not even known.

Oh, that's the worst.

Completely slept through it and been like, did my phone malfunction?

Yeah, that is the absolute worst.

I'm the type of person, I need a full 30 minutes minimum to get out of bed.

The hatch is 30 minutes.

I have like once a month.

I have to restore to

once I'm like fully awake.

I need 30 minutes.

I'm telling Turdy Lou, like I've always been that person.

But is your room really dark?

Yeah.

Mine's not that dark.

It's dark, but

there's doors to our bathrooms which have natural light so like the light comes in when the sun comes up, but it's not completely I feel like a hatch wouldn't make a difference on my eyes because my room is like fairly bright.

No turdy lou, like

it does.

I didn't even I didn't even notice it until I and I was sleeping facing the other way and like behind me the hatch is bright, but it somehow woke me up.

Like the hatch knows what it's doing.

By the way,

this is not sponsored at all.

Like I'm down to try, but my room is bright.

I can't see like how effective it would be if the room is already lit.

There's this huge orb next to you.

I'll try it.

Honestly, you're making it sound really good.

Waking up is just so hard.

Like I'll try anything.

Yeah.

No, waking up, like if I could nail like my morning routine and like get up before Harry, like be a human being and like get my coffee and not just be like scrambling all morning, my life would be enhanced.

And so far, I'm two for two days.

And do you feel like it's made a difference in your productivity and everything?

I don't, yeah, like not productivity because like it's, I'm still, you know, on at his his behest.

Right.

But like, it's so much nicer waking up on my own instead of like because of the crying.

And then I'm like, huh.

Right.

You know, I can like brush my teeth in peace.

I wave myself.

Haven't you?

Did you use your tongue scraper?

No.

So I got my tongue scraper.

It's really nice in the evenings and it's fun.

In the mornings, like when I brush my teeth in the morning, every morning when you're pregnant, you will gag while you brush your teeth.

I had a feeling you were going to say that.

It's hard for the course.

And the part where you gag is the part where you brush your tongue.

And so I did the tongue scraper yesterday morning and it was so gaggy.

And even when I was like making my coffee, like I still was having like tongue gagginess.

Ugh, that's too bad because it's so much better in the morning.

I know, but I used it in the evening and I liked it.

And did you get a lot of schmutz?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Isn't it crazy?

It's more than you think, right?

Yeah, it's just like a bunch, like

it's a little bit.

like placebo schmutz because it's also saliva but okay no okay i really wish you would do it in the morning because it's like chunky phlegm

ew and i did it yesterday yesterday morning and it wasn't enough to make me withstand the gag.

Oh my God.

I like literally, that's one thing that's getting me out of bed is my excitement to see what's on my tongue.

Well, sorry to make your deer toasters about us, but

hatch restore two, like try it out.

I know I'm like really new to it, but I'm two for two.

Yeah, by the way, that's actually really good advice.

I'm a bear.

Like I just want to sleep all day long.

But make your boyfriend pay for it because this is his problem.

Yeah, yeah.

And just tell him to wait till Jackie has a code for you.

Totally.

All right, next up, Turtle and Jackie O.

The toast is one of the highlights of my day.

I feel like you're the older sisters I never got, and I'm currently in need of some big cis advice.

I recently got off birth control because I found out I have low levels of fertility.

Shout out to Modern Fertility for getting this combo started for me.

Love that.

Shout out.

This is also not sponsored.

I am consulting a local doctor to help me as I'm not ready to have kids yet, but I want to be proactive so I can't have a family one day.

The first step was to get off birth control.

My boyfriend of over a year has been so supportive and understanding during this time, but now that I'm off my birth control, my hormones are whack.

I am constantly feeling repulsed by anything this man does.

A simple fart puts me over the edge.

I now feel like he's lazy, he's gross, and annoying.

Before I got off birth control, I was madly in love with the occasional annoyance.

I can't tell if it's the hormones or am I at the mark where the honeymoon stage is over.

Do I talk to my doctor about this?

Do I sit down with my boyfriend and tell him how he's currently making me feel?

I don't want to make any rash decisions if it's only temporary and I don't want to hurt my boyfriend's feelings.

Help.

You need time on this.

Like you have to see your hormones have not settled yet.

Like you've been on birth control for many years.

You don't want to make a hormonal decision.

I would just talk to your doctor and ask like when your hormones will level out and you'll like not be feeling so hormonal.

Do not break up with your boyfriend in a huff.

Don't even have like a conversation with him because this could be like a completely you thing.

But like what if all this time like hormonal birth control was the patriarchy like trying to get women to like be okay with their boyfriend's disgusting habits?

Oh, and then you go off of it and you see them for what they really are, which is

ugly.

Jackie, you've cracked the code.

That is definitely what's going on.

Like big pharma just pushing women into like complacency.

Yeah, to not noticing and just being okay with like men's terrible habits and

not requiring men to do better and reach their potential.

Instead, let's change how the women see them.

Let's level out their hormones so it doesn't bother them.

It's literally Josie and the pussycats.

Like they're putting subliminal messaging in the music.

Yeah, they're putting subliminal messaging into the birth control.

You're so right.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

We're on but in terms

in terms of this girl's actual problem like definitely wait.

And if by the time your hormones have settled, you realize like maybe this was like actually a problem in your relationship, then you can tackle it.

But I feel like for right now, we could chalk this up to like just being, you know, out of sorts.

Yeah, right now out of sorts.

But, you know, if in a long time, like maybe you were just like emotionally, mentally like coasting because your hormones were being kept at bay.

I don't know.

But I I would not make any permanent rash decisions while you are regulating.

I feel like it can take months to regulate.

Yes.

Depending on how long you were on it.

So give yourself a good chunk of time and then let's revisit it.

Okay.

How about that?

Yeah.

And ask your doctor like when you can expect to be feeling like your original self again.

Yeah.

And there's doctor patient confidentiality.

So you could like tell her what's going on.

Yeah, but I maybe wouldn't because it sounds a little crazy.

Not really, honestly.

it doesn't sound crazy to me it really doesn't but i wonder it's like is anyone else's behavior now bothering you or it's like maybe it's just just your boyfriend that's a good colleague is your mom bothering you yeah co-workers right are you just like me feeling bothered right take a look at all the other relationships and see if anything else has changed but still i would advise do not make a permanent decision like while you are in such of a transitional period yeah no that's not good i completely agree maybe just like stay away from him yeah yeah no like go out with the girls Dearest turd and jerd.

I got out of a relationship last year after my boyfriend cheated on me using a dating app.

Tonight, I was swiping, as I do, and I came across his profile and it said active today, but I know for a fact that he has a new girlfriend.

Like, he has a picture of them tagged from yesterday on his Instagram.

Do I tell her, or would that be like psycho X behavior?

I have a burner Instagram account from college that I could DM her with, so it wouldn't be me, but like, should I just let it play out?

I left the relationship gracefully when I shouldn't have, so I almost want to tell her for revenge purposes, even though it's nothing to do with the new girlfriend, girlfriend, even though I have nothing to do with the new girlfriend.

XOXO, a spiteful toaster.

Girl, not your circus, not your monkeys.

Like stay out of

just, you'll never actually move on if you're like still DMing his new girlfriend.

And I get your point, but you do look crazy.

And just

true.

Freedom and true closure is like not caring.

And you need to get to that place.

Yeah.

And you literally admitted that you would be doing it for revenge, not out of like the goodness of your heart because you're worried about this girl.

So you're

supporting one.

You wouldn't have pretended it was altruistic.

And I appreciate that you didn't.

Also, to me, like you should just take this as a sign that you absolutely did the right thing and like you are on the right path.

Like that's the sign from the universe.

Like you're on the right path.

Thank you, universe.

Thank you for this.

Take the win.

No, you're so right.

Instead of like running with this information, why don't you find solace in this information?

Like you dodged a bullet.

Like it's still going on.

He hasn't learned.

And not that you probably ever blamed yourself, nor was it ever your fault, but it's like he will do it to the next person and the next person.

Like it wasn't.

It had nothing to do with you.

It had nothing to do with your relationship or something.

Like you weren't giving and it's just him and he's a piece of shit.

And like, I would find solace in that.

I really would.

That's so true.

Like let this information heal you.

Heal.

Instead of fuel your revenge.

Yeah.

And it has restorative properties.

It does.

And it's been a year.

Like we're moving on.

We're moving on.

Not my circus, not my monkeys.

Retweet.

That was dear toes to her.

I feel like each one, the answer was clear.

Like, I feel good about the advice.

I don't feel like there was any, you know, moral dilemmas, like, what should we do?

No, I feel like everything we said is 100% facts.

Yeah, I agree.

It's crystal clear what needs to be done.

Crystal clear.

So, again, dear toasters, the submission, email is deartoasters at gmail.com.

Try and keep your submissions as brief as possible, just like need to know information.

And if we've read a submission of yours in the last couple of months, write us an update.

How did things go?

Did you take our advice?

Did you not?

Did things implode?

Did things settle?

Like, we need to know.

Don't leave us hanging.

Don't like just take our advice and like use us and then run.

No, we like put a lot of ourselves into this advice.

Like, and we're empaths.

So, until

we close the loop on stuff, like it's open.

It's open.

So true.

And that's our show, you guys.

Thank you so much for listening to, what's this show called?

The Toast, The Millennium Morning Show, where we deliver the fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

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So wherever you listen to podcasts, find us, The Toast Leave Five Star View about a beautiful, stunning, and wickedly talented.

We are.

Hope you guys have a great Wednesday.

Don't forget to hump someone you love, and we will see you tomorrow.

We're gonna make it there for the latter half of the week, you guys.

It's coming up tomorrow.

We'll see you in the latter half.

Bye.

Bye.

Love ya.

Bye.

Okay.