Roachella: Wednesday, November 30th, 2022

Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the toast.

Happy Wednesday.

It is hump day.

Do not forget to hump someone you love because that's what we do here at the morning toast.

And speaking of girlies, I wouldn't mind dry humping.

Okay, I took it a little too far.

Sorry.

Hey, Jax, how you dern?

I'm dern good.

I'm feeling conflicted.

First, you make fun of my lingering S in millennials.

Me and Jackie were talking about this yesterday.

Like when we say good morning, millennials, Jackie always holds out the S.

And when we're editing the episode, it actually makes it really difficult to

like line up our vocals.

So if you could just like cut the S.

I'll think about it.

I just want to hold on to that moment.

I love the moment.

Of course.

I love wishing all of the millennials and Gen Z

and boomers good morning.

I think it's such an important way that we start our day.

And maybe that's not something that we agree on.

But now you want to dry hump me, which is not not what I want.

Sisters.

Not what I want for us either.

Sisters.

Not sisters.

That's not sisterly tings.

No, but like sisterly things.

Like you make fun of your sister and then like you love her.

Oh, for sure.

And then you tell her to get on the leap of faith.

Oh my God.

I'm so hating that we brought that up.

I'm loving it.

I got reach.

I got outreach from both the sisters saying that they're so glad that I told the story.

Wait, speaking of stories, I remembered something last night that needs to be added to my list of stories that I am constantly saying.

Okay.

So making it

checking it twice.

Yesterday we added Trevor Noah's Big Ass, right?

Oh, yeah, not officially, though.

Oh, no, that's your regrets.

Trevor Noah's Big Ass.

Okay.

Okay.

And here's another one.

You're going to, like, you're going to really feel it.

This is like a quintessential, like, me story.

Like, can what?

We cannot talk about Serena Williams.

Because of the paper that you wrote.

Unless Unless I'm going to talk about the paper that I wrote that I actually got an A on.

Yeah, no,

if I'm going to choose a story about Serena Williams, we need to carve out like five minutes for Claudia to tell her story.

You don't understand what a big deal it was.

Like it was the final essay for this class.

Like I couldn't graduate without it.

It wasn't like a dissertation, but it was like a 20-page paper.

And I forget what

the class was called.

It was like race and ethics or something.

And I chose Serena Williams, whatever.

It was like, it was was a daring choice because it was contemporary, you know, and I think most of my peers were

diving deep into history.

And I decided to tell a contemporary story.

It was a risk.

You're nothing if not a risk taker

and an academic.

Yeah.

So the list of stories is getting really long.

We are actually recording a hysterical Patreon episode today, our fifth episode of the month, where Claudia is going to tell each story again in depth.

I personally, well, one, it's for everyone who hasn't been around since the beginning of each story and maybe forgot bits and pieces.

So each story, she's going to have the floor to tell her tale.

I personally am hoping that it's going to be closure and that, you know, once you get to say them in long form, that like we never have to hear some of them again.

I mean, I'm just looking forward to the opportunity to, um, to be given that opportunity to just kind of speak without judgment, you know, about my favorite stories.

Yeah, no, I will, I wonder how that feels.

I wouldn't know either.

To speak without judgment about my favorite things.

I think you would know.

No, I don't think that I would.

Well, I think that's kind of the life we chose as podcasters, like to speak with judgment, you know?

So true.

So I'm just going to put the call out.

I have a huge list of stories that are Claudia's faves, but if anything comes to mind for you, and we also can check the Instagram post of Claudia's favorite stories, or even something that you just like want clarity on that we always reference, probably number one is Dennis' funeral, then drop it in the comments.

We'll include it in the episode.

I'm really so excited.

I'm excited too

because, you know, these are my favorite stories for a reason.

All of them have like a very significant moral of the story.

Oh, Hillary Duff at the Bahamas.

Yeah, I mean, that one's famous.

I feel like everyone knows the time she attacked me, but it can't hurt to say it again.

And by the way, that Bahamian trip was when you did the leap of faith.

Oh,

yes.

Oh my God.

So I saw Hillary Duff in Atlantis and that was the time I went back with my friends from high school for spring break and we saw Hillary Duff and I did that stupid water slide.

So it's really, it's full circle.

So what you're saying is you took two leaps of faith on that trip.

And both of them were not worth it.

Both of them were a flop.

Both of them were a big floppy O.

Damn.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

It is what it is, Jax.

Sometimes you take a leap of faith and you only hear about the good leaps that people take, but there's a lot where you don't land on anything.

Well, that's like the whole concept, even though, like, I don't subscribe to the narrative of like needing to go to college to

be successful, but like, that's the world we live in where, like, people are always saying, like, Bill Gates dropped out of college.

Like, while that might be true, so did a lot of other people who didn't become Bill Gates, you know?

Right.

So, I guess the message of today's episode is stay in school, even though school is for suckers.

Oh, my God.

I was seeing this video.

Stay in school up through high school.

I think college is very optional.

I hope so.

Um, also,

I just saw this TikTok that was so funny because I have a whole bit in my show about like things that teachers used to say that's like so fucking annoying and makes no sense.

And somebody was like sharing a video about like the most annoying things teachers used to say, and it was, Hope you all enjoyed your break.

I was grading your papers during the break.

And it's like, Well,

one, it's literally your job.

Two, uh, you gave us a paper to write, you create the curriculum, like you literally scheduled this knowing that you would have to spend your break grading papers.

And it's like, great, we don't, we literally don't care.

We didn't ask you.

And it's like, how long did grading papers take?

Like if it was a break, like maybe you should just work more efficiently and it wouldn't take a long break.

No, and the comments were like, oh, great, you graded it.

Well, can you update like our grade book so I can show my mom I'm not failing anymore?

Like, come on, get it together.

No, like, and can we have our papers back?

Cause like, we love to sit on them.

I don't think there was a moment like more horrible in our schooling than like the process of handing back papers and tests.

Like when you would like, he would walk around the room room or she and like dole out everyone's materials.

And then like he would fold your corner down if you did really poorly, you know?

Yeah, I don't remember that moment.

It's sexy or like, no, I just, yeah, I don't remember the process of them going around and giving the tests back.

Also, do you remember like having, when you were much younger, having to get your

graded tests

signed by a parent?

Of course, but like how

was abuse.

But how does the teacher know what your parents' signature looks like?

Oh, for sure.

And kids really do know what their parent signature looks like.

So yeah, but they can't even, they can't copy it well, but it doesn't matter.

They could literally put a scribble and be like, yeah, that's my parents' signature.

Like, do they have signature checks at the school?

No, I feel like they did.

Like, that's what it felt like.

I feel like they did too, but that's really extreme.

Like, no wonder you spent your whole break, like going over signatures.

Yeah, no wonder I took you so long to grade the test.

You were like doing forgery.

Like

I feel like the signature, getting your parent to sign your test isn't necessarily about making sure the parent sees your bad grade.

It's also about like letting the kid know that you fucked up big, like so big that your parent has to sign a test.

And like maybe that would be enough.

Everyone had to sign it.

Maybe that would be enough for the kid to like work harder.

And if the grades keep going down, like then they call the parent because like they can just call the parent and be like, your kid's stinking up the joint.

But I feel like a part of it is like that kid taking accountability and realizing that they are in a really bad spot.

Yes, Yes, it's definitely the accountability, but didn't everyone have to get their tests signed?

Not even if you did poorly?

Do you really have to get an 100 signed?

I wouldn't know.

Trills.

That was just like a fucked up part.

Trills, bro.

Yeah, bro.

That was just like a really fucked up part of schooling.

What can I say?

You're extremely cool in hip.

I would agree.

Yeah, no, honestly.

No, that wasn't sarcasm coming from me or you.

Me neither.

Like you're extremely cool in hip.

Yeah, because my really cool sister keeps me up to speed on everything.

That's cool.

That's so nice of you to say.

And she's really sweet.

Her name is Margo.

I'm kidding.

I'm kidding.

She doesn't tell me anything.

She doesn't talk to you.

Okay, I spoke to her last night.

Yeah, it was really cool.

Have a big day.

Big day.

What?

Big day.

It was a big day.

It was a really, really cool moment.

We had a nice combo.

I'm so happy for you.

And you got a whole weekend with her.

What was she like?

It was fabulous.

It was fabulous.

You know, we're only a few years apart, but like there really are some serious generational differences between Snatcher and I.

One of them being the amount that we're on our phone, because I'm on my phone so much, like Margo cannot unplug.

Like we're all watching TV.

We're just like, she's always on her phone.

Wow, she can't unplug.

Refusing to connect with me.

Like, it's so annoying.

That's really annoying.

That's definitely a pet peeve of mine.

And I like, I hate when people are like, get off your phone, like, fuck off.

Like, cause I'm always on my phone.

So for me to notice it and like be annoyed by it,

it was really bad.

Like mid-conversation, we were playing like this really fun card game.

Have you ever played Cheers, Govna?

No.

Oh my God, it's so dumb.

It's like, okay, so everyone in the group has to go around and count one, two, three, four, five, six up until 21.

But you have to remember when you're counting that numbers 14 and 7 are swapped.

So it goes 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 14.

8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 7.

And then when you get to 21, the person who 21 lands on has to make up a rule.

So it's like, instead of saying one, what we did is like,

instead of saying 11, name any real housewife of all time.

So it would be like, one, two, three, four, five, six, 14, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 7.

You fucked up.

Oh, shit.

Taylor Armstrong, 7.

And then you keep going until you get all the numbers.

Taylor Armstrong, 12, 13, 7.

Exactly.

Exactly.

So

I forgot where I was going with the story.

Oh, Counselor on her phone.

So we were playing and it's like really intense and like you really need to focus because if you don't remember, everyone has to start over.

Like it's so annoying.

And Council is just like glued to her phone.

I'm like, who the fuck are you talking to?

I'm literally right here.

Right.

Who is she talking to?

Maybe I'm just, maybe I'm just not that interesting, but I doubt that's it.

No, I don't, I don't think that's it.

Me?

Uninteresting?

No.

But who is she talking to all day?

I think she's just like, you know, an influencer.

So there's like lots of content she needs to consume, engagement.

I think she's preoccupied, but I also think it's a generational thing.

Like they're not even always doing something, you know?

Yeah, they're not always doing something.

Most of us aren't doing something on our phones.

What's going to be your rule when it comes to cell phones?

Because the concept of like raising kids like now is so freaky to me.

Like the cell phones, social media, like.

What is your policy?

Like, we got flip phones, what, in like the fourth or fifth grade?

Yeah, I feel like

I'm going to want to do something similar to like what we had.

We got flip phones in, I think I got mine in the fifth grade.

And so I'll want to get him a phone.

Whenever I do get him a phone, like it's not going to be an iPhone.

It's going to be a phone that like makes calls and sends texts like for a while.

Hey, if anybody needs to make a call, I've got a phone.

I think if you have like phones for kids like that,

and then there'll be like iPad time where he can go on YouTube and stuff and like do stuff that he wants to do.

I'm going to try to monitor it.

I'm going to monitor it as much to what we experienced as possible, even though there is more technology now than what we had.

Are you going to monitor it, like what he's doing, or is that like an invasion of privacy on the iPad?

I'm not going to monitor it, but I'm sure I'll definitely go in and see what the searches have been, just to see what he's into.

If I ever want to buy him a gift, I want to know what TikToker he likes, you know?

Do you think that children are entitled to privacy?

This is like a big debate on TikTok.

Like a lot of parents.

It depends.

Like in certain aspects, yes.

In other aspects, no.

Like if a kid is writing in a diary, I wouldn't read it unless i was like really concerned about what's going on with them and i couldn't figure it out

so i think it's case by case it's it's as you like to say it's nuanced no i never say that i say it's layered it's layered

so yeah no it's it just depends on what's going on with the kid why what did people on tick tock say No, people are just going back and forth on like parenting techniques.

Like actually, my embiolic is going viral on TikTok.

I don't know if you know this right now.

So my

queen.

And it was actually like a really interesting conversation.

I'm sorry.

My enbialic lifetime movie.

Have to add it.

Yes.

To the list.

That's one of my favorite stories.

I was literally just about to bring it up, but I'm going to finish my point.

My.

Like, I just don't understand why she was in a Christmas movie, you know?

Okay.

You'll let us know later.

Yeah, I will.

So

she has a podcast and a clip from her podcast is going viral because she was talking about this parenting technique when like a kid falls and you say like, you're okay.

You're okay.

Don't worry.

you're okay.

You're in a sense, like invalidating this child's feelings because like the child is to, if you asked, you know, Harry, he's not okay, but you're like invalidating his feelings, being like, you're fine.

Yeah.

And like, while I did kind of understand that, I also thought about how like when I would like bitch and moan, like I was told I'm fine, like I was fucking fine and I appreciated the realness.

You know, no, sometimes you need someone to tell you like, it's nothing.

I feel like that's what we had growing up.

Like anytime something happened, be like, it's nothing.

And

it's part of like the freak out is like, something happened and and like I'm scared almost but if someone's there to tell you like it's fine you are fine.

You are okay.

It's like it's calming.

So sure yeah if your kid's arm is broken and dangling and you're saying it's fine, it's not fine.

But if they trip and fall and like they are okay, I think it's good to let them know that they're okay because like it's a shock.

Of course.

So then another line like a school of thinking came out that I actually thought was

a good remedy was like when you say to the kid like are are you are you hurt or are you just upset?

Like, identify the feeling.

Then I think we're just getting like a little too much into the feelings of a toddler.

So into the weeds, like, and by the way, to a toddler, like, hurt and upset are the same thing.

They don't know the different nuances between the two words.

And also, what parent is this?

Like, what parent is not busy enough to be like, are you hurt or are you upset?

What parent, when their kid says, let's say you like fall and scrape your knee in that moment, like, you're as a parent too, you're like, who?

And who's taking the minute to be like, hurt or sad?

No, by the way,

the line you just said about like them not knowing the difference is literally so true.

So true.

Like

your kids will be fine.

Go trust your gut.

If it's nothing, let them know it's nothing.

And if it's something, like let them know.

But I don't think it's like, so you're not validating their feelings.

But I think also, I think that's a major problem.

I think that too many people's feelings have been validated over the years.

And then when they're confronted with something that they don't like, they're like, wait, why aren't you validating my feelings?

And maybe, maybe it's because your feelings aren't valid.

oh pew pew pew kobe

one of my favorite things to do is kobe like kobe i can't watch anyone namely ben play basketball without being like kobe kobe no same you want to know something really sweet

i was dming you every time you were showing ben the shooting hoops and i was saying kobe and do you know that the iphone autocorrects kobe to love

Why is that cute?

It's just like sweet because it's Kobe.

No, it's not.

No, no, because like where the letters are, they probably think like K-O-B-E and L-O-V-E are like right next to each other.

No, no, I don't think that Apple did it like as an homage to Kobe.

It's like a fun, it's a it's a coincidence.

It's really sweet.

If anything, it's disrespectful, like them not recognizing Kobe.

But when they do recognize him, they recognize him as love.

But they're not.

I just thought it's not like it's correcting Kobe to duck.

It's just a nice word.

Okay, never mind.

No, no, I okay.

I'm sorry.

I misunderstood.

I thought you were like, how cute that they did that?

No, no, no, not that they did that, but like, that's what it auto-corrects to.

Like, it's just like a cute coincidence.

Yeah.

I just thought of something funny, but it's like, um,

it's an offline story.

We need to start a new podcast called The Offline Stories because there's so much I want to say.

Like, yesterday, I found out the craziest, most hottest, and it's so annoying because I'm not going to say it but I found out the most insane thing about an influencer like you'll never hear a story so crazy in your life do you agree because I told you it yeah it's really crazy and I need an offline podcast where I could say it and not in the way where we're all sworn to secrecy yeah you are sworn to secrecy I mean like maybe in a few months it'll end up on the Patreon and I think that that's fair

Same.

I need to talk about something.

I don't think there's no names.

Well, it'll be fairly obvious.

I can't talk about it, like for real.

Okay.

But, like, part of me, oh my gosh.

But you brought it up and you keep bringing it up.

Yeah, no.

Because often, when you find a really good piece of gossip, you don't want to not share it, not because of the person who the gossip is about, but because of the person who took it.

But how do you protect the messenger?

That's really where it gets really complicated with gossip.

And I actually was thinking yesterday when it comes to gossip.

People who are like above gossip and like all that, what do you talk about?

Well, you know what they say?

That it's like

smart.

Big people discuss ideas.

Small people discuss

people.

Yeah, something like that.

Let me find the exact quote.

That's like a really obnoxious thing because

I think that like gossip is really an exchange of information and it makes the world go around.

And like I genuinely don't understand when people like who vow not to gossip or like speak ill of other people.

Like, what do you do all day?

You talk about ideas.

Okay, I have an idea to gossip.

Yeah, let's gossip.

Okay, here are some quotes.

Great minds discuss ideas.

Yeah, this is it.

Average minds discuss events.

Small minds discuss people.

Yikes.

I actually like just think that proverb is bullshit.

I just want to say, I feel like we discuss a good mix of ideas, events, and people.

And so we're just like, we,

what does that say about our minds?

No, and if you could boil anything down, like, okay, essentially people talking about like politics are really gossiping because like it's about people like they're gossiping about senators and stuff like yeah well it depends what kind of politics like but are you talking about political theory are you talking about ideas for how to make the world a better place not like who should be

this person's not doing that but like big ideas I just think at the end of the day, gossip has gotten a bad rap and it's really an exchange of information.

Yeah, I don't think an exchanging information is gossip.

I think putting your

spin on it.

Oh, I don't do that.

I don't do that.

Yeah, no, if you're

really getting all the facts right, but the problem is that the story that you heard, how do you know that that's all the facts and in the way that it happened?

So it inevitably already has spin and

you inevitably put your spin on it because like that's how people repeat stuff and memories, as stated are not perfect and the game keeps going

yeah

well one thing about me is I am gonna gossip and that's just a little little fact about me okay can't wait to hear more hot goss

that's what we do here

you know what we do we do the fast five stories and I think oh wow except for yesterday except for yesterday oh my god you guys deep apologies except not really because you did not need to know the fifth story and so I think my subconscious was like forget it because also I'll explain when we talk about the first story why you didn't need to know it.

So without further ado,

where are Strice Brethren?

Nowhere to be found.

I miss them dearly, but I'm gonna like they don't want to be here.

So what do you want to do about it?

It is time for the fast FOIV stories that you need to know.

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Yes, thank you so much.

You're welcome.

Okay, our first story.

Today is the day Spotify wrapped.

Not only did everyone get their year in review from Spotify, but spotify also is sharing its most streamed artists artists of the year and songs of the year so podcasts and podcasts yes our top five artists of the year from spotify number one i'm not gonna make you guess number one bad bunny number two taylor swift queen number three the weekend sorry number three drake number four the weekend number five bts

then

bad bunny and bts makes a lot of sense because they're like really global artists.

I guess at this point, Taylor Swift is too.

And

when did she release Red TV?

Was that this year too?

No.

So it's kind of crazy because her album came out a month ago.

Yeah.

That's really impressive.

It is impressive.

Also, the most streamed songs of 2022.

Number one song of the year, Harry Styles as it was.

Number two is Heat Waves by Glass Animals.

And number three, this is crazy for the second year running.

It's Stay with Justin Bieber and the Kid Leroy.

And that was Apple's number one song of the year.

And it's not even from this year.

Damn, that's really impressive.

Yeah, that's big numbers.

So last, yesterday's fifth story was going to be Apple's year-end

data, which I knew, I didn't realize Spotify rap was coming today, but I knew it was coming soon.

So we were going to have a conversation about the year and music.

And I only need to have that conversation once, really.

Spotify.

And Spotify is the go-to for music so that's that on that

it's that time of year where it's like horrendous to be an apple music user and apple podcast user because i mean we've been tagged this morning already in like 500 people you know of their top podcasts and stuff like that so um something that i found really interesting is that you know when we first started podcasting so everyone gets spotify wrapped but podcasters get their own spotify wrapped data on their listeners where they're from categories genres things like that i mean i imagine each artist who's ever uploaded to Spotify gets their rap.

Yes, but people, I don't think, realize podcasters get it too.

Yeah, we get it too.

So when we first started podcasting, we had actually met with Spotify and they were just like helping us.

They were really trying to build up their podcasting platform.

We had 4% of our listeners listening on Spotify.

As of this morning, half of our listeners listen on Spotify.

Like half of our listeners have migrated probably from Apple to Spotify.

And I just think that's crazy.

It's crazy.

It means that the work and the money that they're putting putting into building out Spotify podcasts is working because we're not doing anything different.

It's not it's really not a reflection on us or our listeners changing.

It's just them becoming a bigger name in podcasting.

Actually, though, it's a little bit us because when we promote on social media, I now will link out.

Like when you do like a link sticker, I will link out to Spotify because the way our podcast immediately goes to Spotify and like takes like 30 minutes to get on Apple is so annoying.

So because Spotify is just like doing more, they make it easier for us to promote it.

That's so true.

Yeah.

I feel like people don't realize that sometimes our podcast is not on Apple.

We only upload it once and it goes to all of the different places at the exact same time.

And Spotify is there instantaneously.

And Apple is delayed all the time.

And for everyone, I always see people who have podcasts being like, it's not on Apple yet.

Don't know what to tell you.

So Spotify is really just making it super easy to listen.

It's so annoying the way Apple like doesn't, I feel like Spotify like came from the back and Apple like never even tried to compete they just like sit there yeah they're resting on their laurels yeah but i guess it's because as apple like they make money off of every app in the app store because like if you spend money on an app like they take like 30 that's true but if you are listening to podcasts through their podcasting app that's like invaluable data

of course and i think that they would probably want that data more but i feel like they they're not taking other competitors seriously and it shows like i was just on the

podcast app i was looking for the charts we're like charting in a major way these days like now on apple yeah like in the comedy section like we used to be like well it's funny we were we were like 12 and then we were eight like over time like steady and now we're like holding firm at five yeah we're five and six usually us heather mcdonald the office girlies morbid which i still don't understand is what a comedy podcast and the yellow um smartly guys smartlists with the yellow i you know i always like to predict who spotify is going to snatch up next.

And they just snatched up Anything Goes with Emma Chambers.

Right, he never even spoke about that.

But I would have thought they would have snatched up Smartless.

It's Jason Bateman, Will Arnett, and the guy from Will and Grace.

I'm sorry, don't come for me.

Sean Evans, I think his name is.

I don't watch Will and Grace.

But they're literally always number one.

Yeah.

It reminds me so much of like Armchair Expert.

It's the same vibe.

It's the same vibe.

It's probably a similar audience.

I feel like Spotify needs to like take some of the news ones that are

tops, kind of like something outside of comedy.

I feel like they are really, even Emma Chamberlain is technically in the comedy category, right?

Is she?

I don't think so.

Oh, okay.

Well, what's interesting is they also released their top podcast of the year.

Joe Rogan is number one, obviously.

Call Her Daddy was number two.

And Emma Chamberlain is number three, even though her show wasn't exclusive to Spotify and isn't even yet.

So like she, and I'm sure that's how they made the decision to go with her.

Right, because Joe Rogan and Call Her Daddy being the top podcast on Spotify, like, duh, it's the only place you can listen to them.

Right.

So that makes a lot of logical sense, but no, her podcast being third after, when she's available everywhere, that must means, mean her numbers are insane.

Like probably

just huge.

Yeah, huge.

And number four of top podcasts was Case 63, which is starring Julianne Moore and Oscar Isaac.

And number five is Crime Junkie.

wow those crime junkie girlies really kill it yeah also they have this really sad category of top podcasts called most anticipated podcasts of the year which means that it was based on their first week streams for a newly released series and then obviously it fell off after that and number one is um

archetypes yep number two of course there was so much hype like the duchess is gonna sit down and podcast with the people i know but i just feel like they should have ignored this category because it's just sad.

Wait, number two is Batman Unburied.

Never heard of it.

Number three is Kim Kardashian's The System.

Number four is K63, but I guess a lot of people listened to the first episode and then they liked it and they listened to more because it's in the other

category.

And number five, oh, number five is Back to the Beach with Kristen and Steven.

But I feel like that's surprising because I didn't listen to the first episode.

I listened to the last one.

I feel like they probably grew during,

you could tell, by the way, just based on like public consumption, like when they announced Back to the Beach, it was huge.

And there was like 10 major stories that came out of it.

It was like every time they dropped an episode, there was like a huge PR, like so many things everywhere, especially the last episode.

Same with like, but also that's really impressive because I think that's the only one on the list that's not Spotify exclusive.

Yeah, no, that's huge for Dear Media.

Yeah.

But then like when you think about like the PR arc of Kim's podcast, it's like it was this big announcement and then it was like a little controversy with the victims' families, but then like nothing, that's how you know it like started big because there was this big announcement, lots of press, and then nothing was ever picked up, kind of assuming that the numbers fell.

I feel like the same is with archetypes.

Like, of course, everyone was quaking when the first episode came out, but then I don't think it was what a lot of people expected.

It was very

like not scripted, produced, thank you.

Um, and I remember like the first two episodes, it was like, let's, like, there was so much press about it.

And now I just saw one thing about the final episode.

It's like Andy Cohen's on it, and there's not even like a lot of fanfare for it.

Yeah, I also, I think that's a pattern with celebrity podcasts in general, not just specific to Spotify, where it's like,

if you're a celebrity and launch a podcast, your first episode is going to be pretty big because people want to hear what you have to say and they're fans of you to begin with.

But to commit someone to a podcast listener, like you are taking a minimum an hour out of the week, like to sit and listen to something for an hour, like you need to be so entertained.

You're not doing it as a favor to the celebrity that you like and follow.

Cause also, like, you're listening privately.

Aside from Spotify rapped, you don't share what you listen to.

It's not like a virtue signal to be like hey i listened to this i'm a big fan yeah no that's so true like it's easy to get people to listen to a famous person's podcast the first few weeks but like podcasts are really um just judged by merit like what are they good no it's good and just because you're a famous person and have a lot of fans that doesn't mean you're good it's an intimate thing and it's a private thing You're right about celebrity podcasts.

And that's why like, you know, Conan and Smartless are so successful because not only are they actually famous, but their podcasts are actually good.

yes even though i've never listened to it but no but the charts

the charts don't lie i don't think

i don't think no i don't think they lie are editorialized but sometimes i think that they are

well i feel like the spotify ones might be a little editorialized because like they spent a hundred million on joe rogan i mean i do think joe rogan is actually number one but like if i was spotify and like joe rogan's episode like flopped i would still put him in like the top three just to like one give it more press people are checking the charts and two like you don't want to admit, like, your investment maybe was bad.

Yeah, I don't think they've had that.

I think it's a bad example because he's literally one, two, three, four, and five.

Armchair experts.

And all the other investments other than Joe Rogan.

Yes, I think it behooves them to lift them up.

Give them a little.

Right.

Also, because that's what people discover podcasts.

They go to the top charts.

They say, I want to listen to the number one show, number two show, something that looks good.

And so it would behoove them to have the top shows looking good that are their shows.

You know what?

Now that I think about it, like when Joe Rogan went to Spotify, there was like so much hoopla and fanfare and he's had like controversies and stuff.

I feel like he's always very current.

Like him being number one makes sense.

Same with Alex Hooper.

Like her episodes, depending on guests, like are huge historic, like cultural moments.

Now that I think about it, like Armchair Expert, like it's kind of like...

Where is Armchair Expert?

I don't ever hear anything about Armchair Expert.

Me neither, but I also don't listen for Armchair.

I don't like, it's not.

But I feel like it would come up in our stories.

He's, he interviews famous people.

No, I mean, yes, he interviews famous people, but even when he was on Apple, we never really talked that much about what he was doing because he has like conversations with, like, no one's really, it's not like a tea spilling like thing.

It's conversations with people.

Same with Joe Rogan.

Like, he interviews all these people, but it's not really like they make buzzworthy headlines because he's just like getting to know people and talking to people.

They're not there to like drop something.

Yeah.

Okay, this is interesting.

Which is I feel like what people go on call her daddy to to do to drop something yeah yeah that's true that's true um i'm in the top podcast did they change their artwork armchair experts i don't see it

i'm telling you i'm a little oh it's number 12.

oh that's good

anyways

that's the podcasting news and i feel like now that spotify is really bumped up aside from their spotify originals like it is really a good place to see but you can't really compare like

i wish apple would drop spotify i mean um podcast information but then the shows that aren't on spotify like in order to be the best you have to beat the best but i feel like the best and the best aren't even competing anymore right no and that's what's so interesting to me about podcasting in general is like it is this kind of mystery because you know you following youtubers you could see how many subscribers they have podcast numbers are all behind some sort of like dashboard and everyone you know on social media is like out here making look like their podcast look like the baddest and the best.

And just because I'm like nosy i'm always curious like who actually gets a lot of downloads and like who doesn't and you can tell but like i would love like a little bit more transparency in that department yeah

darn

it's because i'm nosy it's a mystery Yeah, but you know what?

Maybe it's better because I feel like people put their heart and souls into podcasts.

And if it was really measured by like listeners and that was so public, like I feel like it would be a little disheartening as opposed to like just a slow grind.

And it's not like YouTube where it's so instantaneous.

And if this video didn't work, like, let's do it in this video.

Like, you really have to build up.

And I feel like if it was

more

competitive, it might deter people.

And people might like be having conversations just so they get those numbers that those people are getting.

And I feel like this makes it a little more real.

And no, that's actually really,

I agree.

No, you changed my mind.

You're right.

It is so personal.

And people put like so much of their heart and soul into it.

Yeah.

And I wouldn't want someone to think, like, say they did one episode that was like really personal, intimate, intimate, and like actually good, but they just like didn't get a lot of listeners for whatever reason.

Like I wouldn't want that podcaster and people knew that.

Like I wouldn't want that podcaster to then be like, well, I'm never going to do that again because it didn't work.

Like that's not how it is with podcasts.

And also sometimes the episodes that like get the most listens, like, I don't know what it is.

We talk about, we were just talking about this.

Well, you know, with our Spotify download, you know what our most listened to episode of the year was?

You, I just found out this morning and I never would have guessed.

Right, Kaise.

Yeah

Bridge to Terabithia, which was a hilarious episode, which also featured our interview with Jessica Knoll.

And I just, I, I never would have guessed that.

I never would have guessed that either.

You know what?

I think that it was like, this is how I think of it.

I think it was the end of a week episode.

Before long weekend, because I remember I came to New York right after that.

So maybe there was like a few days without episodes.

So everyone listened to the most recent one.

But like we had longer breaks.

And I just, I don't know.

Or maybe.

And I think Jessica Knoll is also like really niche.

yep and

a whole different community of listeners who wanted to tune in for her interview.

Oh, yeah, like we got new listeners.

It's outside actually what I thought was also really interesting that Spotify did was they'll tell you which episodes like featuring guests share the cats that you that you sent me Okay, hold on.

They they said they give you like a little wrap for your whole podcast.

It's like 10 slides of data and it was fascinating stuff.

This was interesting.

We created 10,000 minutes of new content and that is more than 99% of other creators in the comedy category.

I'm a listener.

Because we do a daily show.

Yeah.

Bridget to Terabithia was our most listened to episode.

Our top five countries are U.S., Canada, the UK, Australia, and Ireland.

Shout out to the Irish toasters.

Our podcast was in the top 1% of most shared episodes, like people either texting, sending a direct link, sending on Instagram, WhatsApp, which I thought was really interesting.

Yeah, WhatsApp was small.

We got to work on that.

Okay.

So this episode attracted a lot of new listeners.

So 3% of people, 3% of our audience started listening with this episode.

So interesting.

Fofia Yanklin with Sophia Franklin.

Yeah.

Now we did get a lot of press from that episode because she was talking about the Call Her Daddy drama.

So like maybe that was it.

I thought that was, that was a really good piece of data.

Yeah.

And the rest of these were like, you know, kind of boring.

We're in the top 1% of most followed podcasts.

Look at us.

That makes sense.

There's so many podcasts.

But what's so interesting, and I think it's just what makes Spotify so smart for doing this, obviously, is like people love it.

So like

I cannot keep up with how many people are tagging me in their stories.

But Spotify is also now becoming like a major data company.

And that's how you make all the money in tech, like having people's data.

And every year they're just like accruing the shit out of everyone's data.

It's so smart.

But they also.

present it in a way that we love.

Like if you tell me you're selling my data, I'm like, goodbye.

I'm deleting your app.

But if you tell me I'm going to learn something about myself or my data, and it'll be in these like shareable, snackable cards I could post to my Instagram, click subscribe.

That's so true.

And I also, while we're talking about rapped, I want to hear your Spotify rapped.

Oh, it was very predictable.

What were your top five songs and who were your top five artists?

My top five artists were

top artists: Taylor Swift, Luke Holmes, John Mayer, Morgan Wallen, Kelsey Ballarini.

So it's like very country.

Yeah.

What was your top genre?

Pop, which is weird.

Nah, everything's pop.

Yeah.

What were your top songs?

Okay, so number one was 100% by Claude.

Is that because of your shows?

No.

Oh, you just really were listening to yourself on repeat.

I honestly don't even remember listening to it that much, which is like kind of crazy.

Do you think that maybe maybe like you put it on repeat one song like when it launched to like

nah, it doesn't sound like you?

I know, I'm not like desperate like that.

I mean, I am, but like, but not like that.

No, not if it means you have to listen to your song over and over again.

Right.

Number two, doing this, Luke Homes.

Three, Heart First, Kelsey Ballarini.

Four, Tomorrow Me by Luke Holmes.

And five, She's in Love with the Boy by Tricia Gearwood, a 90s classic.

Gorgeous.

And then artists, I told you already.

Yeah.

What about you?

Top artists, number one, Luke Hombs.

I think I'm Luke Hombs' biggest fan ever, more than any of the other sisters, because he was my number one artist, and he's four out of my five top songs.

Wow.

My number two artist was Frederick Chopin.

That's a note to Harry.

We listen to a lot of classical music, but I had no idea that I was listening to Chopin so much more than exclusively.

So much more than Ludwig or Amadeus.

Mozart.

Like, yeah, I.

Right.

That seems really.

Who's Amadeus?

Mozart.

Mozart?

Okay.

Yeah, or Ludwig van Beethoven.

Honestly, that was a shock for me.

Three, Taylor Swift.

Four, Morgan Wallen, five, Mimi Webb.

Cute.

Then my top songs were one, Tomorrow Me, two, Middle of Somewhere, my favorite song.

Three, The Kind of Love We Make, four, Want That Back by Brett Eldridge, gorgeous song.

Check it out.

Five, Doing This, Luke.

Such a Luke girly.

I'm a bigger Luke Holmes fan than Snatchler.

Alert the Presses.

Wow, don't let Snatcher hear that.

Well, she's going to see the data and she's going to know for herself.

My favorite thing about Spotify rap, we talk about this every year, is when people are like, that seems right.

It's like, no, no, no, it's literally facts.

It's correct.

No, it's your data.

So it should feel right.

No, but so it is right.

So it is right.

Wait, Jackie, Jackie, I literally.

You posted that to your story, but as it like ironic, no?

No, I was like, no, this feels right.

Oh my God, you were making fun of me.

I thought you did that ironically because we always say that.

And I thought

I remember that, that we said that.

honestly this is how delusional I am I thought it was like an ode to the redheads because we always say that when we finish the rating for the book like that's what it was no that's totally everyone gives their rating and then I do the average and every single time you have snitch that feels right

um no that's really why I did it so that's what I told you to honor the future

I was not making fun of you to your face No, no, no.

You didn't know that you were like making fun of me because I actually used that caption completely unironically and it just genuinely felt right.

Because it was right.

What do you know?

What do you know?

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Yeah, welcome.

Our next story, another little year-end review moment.

People magazine has put forth their people of the year.

The four celebs who were here to help in 2022.

So the wait, let me guess.

What is the concept?

People honors four people for the inspiring work they did this year.

Would it be helpful if I shared last year's People of the Year?

Yeah, because are these like philanthropists?

Yeah, philanthropists, activists, like

good

doing celebrities.

Okay.

Here's last year.

Dolly Parton, Simone Biles, Sandra O,

and America's Teachers.

Okay.

And the year before was George Clooney, Dr.

Fauci, Selena Gomez, and Regina King.

So it's like...

So who did a lot this year?

Who what?

Who did a lot this year?

I feel like Harry Styles did a lot, but not from like a

philanthropy or like activisms.

You know, he just like was working a lot.

Yeah, no, it's not about who worked.

Everything.

Okay.

Right.

Matthew McConaughey,

keenta brown oh yeah

oh yeah mila kunis

and jennifer hudson

yeah okay those are pretty good

it does feel like you know all of them were out there doing the most yeah doing trying by the way

trying their best yeah Did you hear anything about the new J-Hud show?

No, this was actually in this article.

It was like the first I heard about it since we talked about that she was getting a show.

Yeah, I haven't heard much about it.

Is it not on cable?

I think it's on Peacock.

Really?

Because

I just saw, because I followed Jamila Jamil on Instagram, she went on and she was like going on Peacock TV and it was like J-HUD.

Oh, interesting.

So I just want to Google that because I was so confused.

Also, less

upset that J-HUD won an EGOT this year.

So for that reason alone,

she should be people of the year, but she also

has a very mission-oriented talk show.

She's also, she's on cable.

I apologize, but I believe she's also probably being promoted hard on TikTok.

I'm gonna say TikTok.

On TikTok.

You know, I feel like People Magazine is like constantly putting together lists.

It's like the one thing keeping their business afloat.

They're making a list and checking it twice to take the bidours down.

They're literally taking the bidours down.

this is the time of year where we get lists galore i personally really like them i love to see my year in list form we do some lists at a glance um december patreon episodes top this top that um so i just i like to ingest see what other people think are tops of the year

I just, I don't know why, I don't know why Kelly Clarkson doesn't make these lists.

To me, they're like rooted in error because of that.

I do also like like that the end of the year means we get a lot of lists and we get to look at our year at a glance, but some of the lists feel stupid and this is one of them.

Do you agree?

I agree.

Like they said a whole bunch of nothing about what they're even saying about these people.

Like what they're saying about these people is that here's the quote.

The boldest thing that we can do, question mark, help.

I've been thinking a lot about what inspires someone to take action, to donate their time and money and passion to a cause, to do anything more than fire off a tweet or an Instagram post.

It's been on my mind because the world seems to need our help more than ever.

And also because the people we celebrate in this issue didn't hesitate to meet the moment.

They didn't ask why me or wait for permission or get caught up in self-doubt.

They just moved.

Okay, like that's a pretty decent description because, you know,

Matthew McConaughey and Uvalde and Ukraine for Milakunis.

Like, I get it.

I just feel like this list is dumb.

I can't explain why.

Yeah.

Like, you know what I mean?

Yeah, especially when you like look back at past winners.

It's not like.

No, also,

because when you think of lists from People Magazine, like you think of most beautiful, and it's like, stick to the dumb shit, you know?

So clearly wanting to be like a list where you can find the outsides and the insides.

Yeah, they want to be beautiful on the outside and the inside.

I appreciate that.

But like for me, People Magazine like is an airport tabloid.

Like it will always, I will never read a People Magazine if I'm not on an airplane.

Yeah, I agree.

Stick to the superficial lists.

And

the freak show circus, greatest showman stories about, you know, cousins who married cousins.

I want a list about the craziest stories of the year.

Yes, that's what People Magazine, like 10 of the biggest freak shows of 2022.

And just

people's biggest freak show.

You decide what's number one.

Put them on the cover.

Yeah, yeah, I like that.

Like the wildest stories of 2022, because they'll find it, you know, family locked up in chains

for 35 years.

Like they'll always always find terrible stories like that.

Yeah.

I, there was one recently.

Um, I don't know if I read it in People, but about the 30-year embryos.

What's that?

This couple

adopted embryos because a lot of embryos that aren't used just like stay frozen.

But people can adopt an embryo and then carry it and give birth to an embryo.

So, this couple intentionally adopted the oldest embryo available.

Yeah, they adopted the oldest embryo available because like they wanted to give this.

Oh, it's an adoption?

I don't know if that's the correct word, but that's essentially what it is.

Like you adopt the embryo and then you carry it yourself.

Interesting.

So they intentionally

adopted the oldest embryo so that, you know, that embryo could come off the shelf.

And the embryo is technically 30 years old.

So these are like 30-year-old babies.

Well, that's a very hot take if, you know, life starts at conception.

But I know what you're saying.

Like,

wait, why would the couple go for, what do you want, like, the freshest one?

Like, you want the best embryo?

No, but that's the thing.

Like, most people go for the freshest one.

So this couple like wanted to give like the oldest embryo that would probably never come off the shelf like a chance at life.

That was their mission.

This story is very weird.

This story is very weird because like that's the

if it's frozen, they're all the same age, no?

And they're embryos.

They're not 30-year-olds.

No, they're not 30-year-olds, but technically like they've they've been.

What?

So the kid comes out with like a receding hairline and a briefing.

They are babies.

They are babies, but like they were technically created

30 years ago.

So it was just like 30-year-old babies was the headline to make it sound fucking crazy.

Oh, because People Magazine was clickbaiting us.

Got it.

Okay.

Right, but like, if you, if you make your own embryos and like they were technically frozen two years ago, like you don't say, I have a two-year-old.

Of course not.

Right, but like psychotic.

The idea that they were frozen 30 years ago, like makes it, you know, a crazy headline, which it is crazy.

I just want to say, like, the concept when people go into adoption, like they say, like, the newborns, like, they always get adopted.

And then that's how kids end up, like, 12, 13 in the system.

So to adopt a 12 or 13-year-old is such an admirable thing to do.

I don't think the same applies to embryos.

Like, those people should have just taken the freshest one, okay?

But that's the same concept to them of, like, everyone's going for the freshest ones.

We're not worried about them.

They will get.

I get it, but I'm telling these people, it's not the same.

Like, I, like, they're looking at it through the lens of like adoption.

It's not the same.

But otherwise, those embryos would have never come off the shelf.

No, I understand that.

I'm just now learning that embryos can be adopted.

Like, this is huge for me.

I guess, like, it totally makes sense, but I just literally never thought of that.

Yeah, because a lot of people create embryos that, I mean, we see that we've seen this a few times.

That they don't end up using.

That they don't end up using.

And we saw it like with celebrities.

What happens to the embryos?

Okay.

Jackie, literally, I was just going to say, I can't think of embryos without thinking of that terrible story about what happened to Sophia Vergara and her evil ex-husband.

Right.

So if they don't, like, make the decision to discard the embryos, they, they stay frozen and they sit there, and people could then adopt them.

No, it's nice.

I never thought about it, but it makes sense.

Yeah, I sent you the article.

You should have read it.

There was a lot of interesting stuff in there.

Yeah, I did.

Hmm.

Got to catch up on my reading.

Like, like, it's not something where you just read the headline and keep reading.

It's, it's wild.

Oh, yeah.

a you went through a weird bout where you were sending like really fucking weird articles to me about like like baby stuff like this mom found her baby's diaper full of blood what happens next what happens next is unexpected

story It was a crazy story.

It was a story about a baby who had

this mom early in her puberty.

Her baby girl's diaper was full of blood.

Maybe she was one years old.

She wasn't like a newborn, but she was still in diapers.

And so she took her to the hospital.

Like she was freaking out.

And it turned out that the girl had her first period.

She had like early onset menstruation, which is a thing that like happens.

It's extremely rare.

Very rare.

It was like early onset puberty.

Yes.

And I guess when it happens, like you end up in the New York Post.

So I did read that article.

And that's why I didn't read the next article you sent, which was about the 30-year-old babies.

Cause I'm like, this girl is trying to freak me out.

Like, you didn't find, like, that didn't make you want to read like more crazy articles?

not really because like i just feel like i could have lived without knowing that like there is a condition where like you can be getting your period and pubic hair and breasts at two years old like i could have lived without knowing that but now i had to share it on the podcast and now everyone knows and now we've said it okay also i think it's worth saying the 30 year old baby embryos i believe they're twins

or they're genetic siblings and like two embryos were implanted.

Right.

But there was two of them.

Not just one.

Okay.

Two.

Yeah.

So check it out for yourself.

Interesting reading coming from Jackie.

You should work for People Magazine.

Yeah, I could like vet what's interesting enough.

Yeah, what's wacky enough?

Wacky enough for Jackie.

That'll be like the name of your column, Wacky Jackie.

Oh my God, you guys should give me a column, People Magazine, after how we just slandered you to filth.

Well, that was like when I remember growing up, there was a column in the New York Post called Weird But True.

And it was like the weirdest crimes that went on in the city that week.

And it really was like always crazy.

Yeah, they're still, that's, they still have that column.

It's a good one.

Are you ready for our next story?

We've got to move on.

We've got to.

Oh my God, we've got to because we still have your toasters.

I know, I know.

Okay, our next story is Netflix has a new streaming giant show that has overtaken Stranger Things.

Billions of minutes have been streamed.

It is the new smash hit.

Wednesday.

Wednesday becomes a smash hit for Netflix as it dethrones Stranger Things and breaks the Streaming Giants' viewership record.

You know what?

Good.

Those Stranger Things kids needed to be humble.

Yeah, for sure.

Tim Burton's Wednesday has become a smash hit for Netflix in its debut week on the Streaming Giant, the show which stars Jenna Ortega as the main character, Christina Ritchie, and Catherine Zeta Jones, racked up a record making 341.2 million viewing hours, whatever the fuck that means, and beat Stranger Things, according to Netflix.

It is also the number one show in 83 countries, tying with Stranger Things.

I mean, it's kind of a brilliant concept.

One, because it's Tim Burton and people like really love and admire and follow his work.

Two, it's like the cult fan favorite of the Addams family, but totally reimagined.

But with the original Wednesday Adams playing someone else and with Catherine Zita Jones, I think she played the mom, Paticia.

She's playing someone else too.

So it's like, it has elements.

And it's like nods to the original show, but with a whole new concept.

I think it's like a really, really well done.

I don't want to say reboot, but like reimagination.

Yeah.

It's a very smart idea.

I'm not personally into Adams family or like spooky shows, like I don't watch stranger things, but I get why this is so big.

It's actually surprising to me that it's so big because I feel like for all the reasons that you described, like it would be really good and really well received like and critically acclaimed.

But when I think of like Tim Burton and I think of the Adams family, definitely huge devoted audiences, but also kind of niche.

So to know that like that audience is the biggest audience on Netflix, that to me is surprising.

I'm here for it.

I'm happy for all of the Burton toasters and Adams stands.

I just am surprised to know that it's really that big of numbers.

Well, also, if you think about it, like it's really bridging like a generational gap because people who loved the Addams family are much older now.

And Jenna Ortega is like this everything of the sorts, stunning, like Instagram girly.

So it's really got something for everyone.

And you love when there's something for everyone.

I do.

But you know what the Adams family makes me think of?

This is how I know if we'll have, if we have the same brain.

You've already, we've had this conversation.

I know what you're going to say.

Da da da dum.

Da da da dum.

Da da da dum.

Da da da dum.

Da da da dum.

There's Olivia and Marco, Claudia and Jackie.

They're all a little wacky.

The Ashre family.

Bada da dum.

That was like a little jingle they made up in camp about us.

It was pretty cool.

I'll add it to the the list of stories since I literally knew what you were going to say.

No, I really don't say that one as much as I should.

And like, am I becoming that girl who like peaked at camp?

Like, all I do is talk about camp.

Like, it's like embarrassing.

No, I don't think that means that you peaked at camp.

No.

Do you think you've peaked yet?

In, I think there are like different, like in certain realms, yes, but in other realms, no.

Like, I think I've got it.

I think I've maybe have peaked in looks to sadly.

Oh, no, you haven't.

No, you haven't.

But I think

you haven't.

I feel like I've not necessarily even peaked in like fulfillment and happiness.

But let me tell you why I don't think you've peaked in looks because your breast reduction is ahead of you.

And it's over for everyone when that happens.

That's so true.

Yeah, everyone, like, you better hide out.

Hide your kids, hide your wife.

Yeah.

No, but so I just feel like there's more waiting for me that like I didn't ex like that I haven't experienced yet and I will peek in those areas like other

in or even i'm peeking in those areas now

um but in other realms like in certain areas my best days might be behind me that's okay that's interesting yeah what about you do you think you're peaking you're kind of like i think guy will on tiktok you're like so slender you have two hit songs i don't check it i don't want to um honestly like i don't want to say it you know like jinx like i just feel like i'm like kind of like in like my like my era right now.

Like I really don't want to jinx it.

I understand that you don't want to jinx it, but it's like if you don't recognize that you're, if you don't realize that you're recognized it personally.

Okay, but like so for everyone out there, like if you don't realize in your best era that this is your best era, like you stand the chance of like missing it.

No, I'm fully acknowledge it.

I think like my physical peak is like, it's like two months ahead of me.

Like I'm really, I've gotten so good on like my journey and my makeup and my hair.

Like I feel like it's, and I had like major weight loss a few years ago, but I was like so bad at my makeup and like so dumb and young, like I wasn't able to like really maximize the weight loss and now I just feel like I'm much more mature I'm much more refined and I just feel like my physical peak like it's happening especially now that I'm really thinking about my breast reduction like once that happens like you're you can't get rid of me bitch like I will be in bikini photos like taking pictures all over this country but then do you also feel like so you're having this physical peak which you've looked great at other times before so it's not necessarily anything new but you're also like a viral TikToker everyone's talking about you like you're the voice of your generation your podcast is now number five maybe Maybe in the last weight loss, like it was number 15.

No, and I think we would be remiss to not acknowledge like how this has really been a great year for our business.

Like we're very, very lucky and very blessed.

Of course, you know, TikTok is everything, but you know, the podcast and just like businesses is going good.

We should acknowledge that because, you know, there's been many times part of this business is peaks and valleys, peaks and valleys.

And there have been many valleys over the last few years.

So we have to acknowledge the peaks.

And this has really been a great year.

And we couldn't have done it without the toasters.

So true.

So I think I wake up every day and I thank the toasters like for

believing in us.

And for enjoying this show and enjoying our certain special brand of humor.

Our certain special brand of humor.

And just like forgetting us.

For understanding us.

Yeah.

Not forgetting us.

For space, getting space.

Yeah, please don't forget us.

That's literally my worst nightmare.

What were we talking about?

Peaking.

So if you're out there and you've peaked, well, you know what?

Pressure's off.

That's a story.

If you're currently peaking, enjoy it.

And if it's ahead of you,

anticipate it.

Yeah, it's all good.

What was the story?

How did we start talking about this?

Wednesday Adams peaked at camp.

Got it.

Okay, thank you for the retraction.

Retracing.

Our next story is about one of Claudia's favorite people, and it's about probably his favorite people.

That's really confusing.

Brendan Frazier hits the red carpet with his two handsome sons, Holden, 18 and Leland, 16.

So just note the ages before you say anything crazy, at the Whale screening in New York City.

What the fuck would I say?

No, I don't know.

Like, like 116.

Like, they're like, um,

they're made in the image of Brendan, but like, they're minor.

Oh, are they really hot?

They're, they're nice looking boys, yeah.

Okay, so what is you?

I'm so confused what you thought I was going to say.

Like something mean?

No, no, no, no.

Like just.

Something inappropriate.

Yeah.

Got it.

Okay, but they're minors.

Thank you for the heads up.

I understand.

I must look up a picture of these children.

Yeah.

Leland and Holden.

The 53-year-old actor hit the red carpet with his handsome sons at a New York City screening of The Whale.

The teens look just like their famous dad when he was a young Hollywood pin-up in films like Encino Man and George of the Jungle.

They really, they look different from one another, but they both look like Brendan.

And

it's really a sweet family moment.

I don't know why I can't find this picture.

What

Daily Mail here, here, here.

Yeah, Daily Mail.

Oh,

oh, wow.

They're extremely like handsome.

Are they models?

They have like that model look.

I mean, I think they're still in school.

Who knows what they're going to do?

But I feel like they could go into the industry if they so choose.

They're probably, man, I'm like, I can't help but honestly get like, like, teary-eyed.

They must be so proud of their dad.

Oh, man, I'm literally going to cry.

Because they like, we're gonna lie for his heyday, and they probably have just really experienced some of the hard few years that he went through.

And now, to like be in New York City screening his movie, that's like gonna be nominated for an Oscar, gonna be nominated for everything, and their dad is the man of the hour.

Like, I'm sure it's a big moment.

Um, and he was there with his girlfriend, his longtime partner.

Yeah, I think she's a makeup artist.

Her name is,

but she is not the parent, the mom, excuse me jen jan more

oh i don't know if she's the yeah that's a good no afton smith is the parent got it

that's interesting i want to know who that is

afton smith yeah

wow that is so cute i love i need to see this movie i know and did you keep scrolling for the pictures of brendan and sadie sink

No, they're so cute.

I literally, like, I'm obsessed with that friendship.

Obsessed.

We need to see this movie, McLard.

I know.

Like, we need to plan a date night.

Is it out yet?

Who knows?

It's probably coming out around the holidays.

Add it to your list with gra dads.

I do think it's a very, like, sad and depressing movie.

So, just trigger warning.

True.

And I hope no dogs die.

I will be so upset.

Thank you for bringing it back to that.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story, little lighthearted news?

Sure.

Real houses of Miami taglines are here.

Oh, they're pretty good.

Okay.

First up, we have Alexia.

She says, quote, in Miami, the sun brings the heat, but I bring the fire.

Cute.

Strong.

Larsa,

my favorite.

She said, hate all you want, because if I were you, I'd hate me too.

Oh,

that's fucking nasty.

Like, if I were you, I'd hate me too.

Yeah, jealous wench.

That's all that's missing at the bottom.

If I were you, I'd hate me too, wench.

You jealous wench.

Next, Gertie.

The only thing that moves faster than my mouth is my ambition.

It's not great because, like, while I admire your ambition, it's really admirable.

Like, it's not really pertinent to this show.

No, and the first half is strong because her mouth moves fast, but then it's like giving, like, it's like, we're on peacock.

This is a different era.

Like everyone has leveled up and it's just like giving old housewives like, the only thing about me is me.

Yeah, no, so true.

Like Real Housewives in Miami definitely stands out as like a much better, like highly produced, younger, fresher

version of housewives.

And this is giving very much like, you know, in this town.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

Then we have Julia.

She said, when the chicks fly the coop, it's time for this mama bird to spread her wings.

It's okay.

It's good because she's the farm girl and her girls are leaving.

They're leaving their daughters.

And now she's spreading her wings.

I actually, I think that it is, it's not what I would want for mine,

but it's, it's pretty good.

It's fine.

It's, it's apt.

Next, the most interesting cast member of the season, Lisa Hawkstein.

You can try to take my castle, but you will never steal my crown.

So is she losing her castle?

Yeah, because like she's divorcing Lenny.

No, I know.

And so I feel like she's like talking to Lenny.

You know, you can try and take my castle.

Yeah.

But he's not trying to steal her crown.

Like I feel like it should be like, you could try and take my castle, but I'll always have my crown.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, I agree.

Like conceptually, it's good.

Execution-wise, it needed like a few tweaks.

It's fine.

I do think this will be incredibly interesting to watch.

Their divorce is like so

bad.

Yeah.

I feel it's like really sad.

Did she sign a prenup?

I remember they spoke about it last season.

I don't know.

I feel like she probably did.

I feel like she didn't.

Or actually, I know it was discussed.

I can't remember.

Anyways, if they want to tinker it to what I suggested before the show airs, we'll pretend like we didn't see this.

Free idea.

And then your favorite housewife, Dr.

Nicole Martin.

What happened to Marisol?

She's still friend of?

She might be an end.

Audriana's not.

Well, Adriana and Marisol were both friend of.

I would have thought after the season, Audriana would be asked to leave permanently and Marisol would have been a full-time housewife, even though I think she doesn't want to be.

Yeah, well, Dr.

Nicole said, I'm a pro at the rules of engagement, and I have the ring to prove it.

I like wouldn't really flex about that because there was so much weirdness around her engagement, how she spent the whole season being like, we're so happy, not engaged.

We're so happy.

And then she got engaged.

Yeah, I wouldn't flex about it just because, like, it's not like you were like trying for a ring this whole time and now you got it.

Like, the way that you've you pretended like you didn't want it you didn't even notice that you're engaged you're not engaged

totally well real house is miami actually is very good and even though i've been kind of on like a housewives break i will definitely be watching because peacock is easy 100

i'm totally gonna watch and it's really a very good franchise and i like a lot of the ladies like a lot yeah no i have to be watching for my girl larsa and lisa

Lisa, for me, I'm like Alexia and Marisol till I die.

I know, you really are.

I like, maybe it's like a nostalgia from the old show because I was really like obsessed with Alexia back then and Mama Elsa.

I don't know why.

It's not even because I think they're necessarily like always, you know, on the right side or they're the most fabulous.

I love their friendship.

I love that they're like OGs who are still bringing it and like they're still fabulous.

I just really like them.

Good.

I like that for you.

So those were the past five, but do not fret because today's episode is far from over because we've got dear toasters.

It's Wednesday.

Our advice segment, Dear Toasters, is every Wednesday and you can be featured, you know, if if you have a problem that something you're going through, email us, deartoas at gmail.com.

We'll, of course, keep your name out of it.

It's totally anonymous.

You can change people's names just to, you know, protect the privacy of those involved.

But we've got three great submissions today, and they're brought to you by Diff IWear.

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All right, are you ready for dear toasters, Jacks?

We've got three great submissions.

Can't wait.

Hey, girlies.

Love you both.

Here's some backstory.

I've been with my boyfriend who's 24 for two years and we recently moved in together.

I love him so much.

He's amazing.

No complaints.

However, he has this bear.

He's had bear, which is literally his name and his gender as a boy.

He's had bear since he was a baby and has slept with it ever since.

Bear, no, sorry.

Whenever we were long distance, it didn't bother me because when I spent the night, he put bear away and he never brought it to a sleepover.

But now that we live together, he asks to sleep with it and it makes me so uncomfortable.

To add to the weirdness, he loves to hug it, put his nose to its nose, and the whole relationship is just so weird to me.

I don't know what to do because no matter how much I complain, he still sleeps with the bear.

I understand the attachment, but at what point do you let something go?

What should I do?

The bear has to go.

It's giving Blenciaga.

Oh,

Jackie.

No, the thing is, is like, there are grown-ass adults out here with like blankie and bear.

And yes, there is.

There's a handful, but that's not like, that's not a thing.

That's not like a thing that works.

Unless it's fucking Ted and he's slinging bombs at you and driving you to your work.

This is unacceptable.

He, you got, he needs to go to therapy.

You can go with him if you're really interested in making this relationship work, but this is not like a fully formed adult.

Sorry, Jackie, I want you to know that that's a really hot take.

Like, there are a lot of people, I'm sure a lot of our listeners, like, they have blankies that are literally being held on by a thread.

I just want you to know: one, it's different if it's a girl, like everything else.

And

two, there's a difference between having like a sentimental item from your childhood.

Like, if you still have your blanket from your childhood and like you keep it, like, that is cool.

Sweet.

To sleep with it every single night, put your nose to its nose, call it bear, and it's like the third person in your thruple, that is a shade too far.

I don't know.

And you like, you have this like transference of like dependence on this thing.

And that is a psychological thing that you need to like go to therapy for to become like a dependent, independent adult.

Not like that's what a two-year-old does with a bear.

They, they, like, transfer their like love and like neediness almost onto like an inanimate object, which is actually a really good thing.

It helps them like detach from being so needy with their parents.

They transfer and then they become independent.

your boyfriend hasn't done that yet and like he needs to get there it sounds like he needs to unburden himself of this bear yeah it's not

and like especially if you're not someone who's like down with it and like thinking that it's fine like you wrote into us like it bothers you it's hindering his adult relationships and at a certain point it's going to be me or bear i think that he should get like uh therapy to help him make this transference and then but and he'll transfer all of this bareness onto you which also is kind of unhealthy because he still has never been independent no that's a good point like therapy I feel like is probably the best advice that we could give this girl that's a really good call um we're also just not people who can relate to this whatsoever like we don't have blankies like at camp like all these girls had like their blankies and we were like 16 17 and they were like literally pieces of string like they had been deteriorated over the years okay first of all if you're a camper at camp the maximum you could be is 15 but if you're like a you could also be an eight year old if you're an eight eight-year-old year with your blankie from home at camp, like that makes sense.

You are homesick.

This is a piece of human.

I'm talking about like 16 year olds.

Well, I don't, okay, well, I don't know who you're talking about and I feel like you're exaggerating.

And if you're not like, no, I'm not exaggerating.

I don't even want to say, but like literally, I just saw a reel yesterday of our girl, Rach Parcel.

She brought her blankie on vacation there in Hawaii.

So I'm telling you, it's like a really common thing that like, it's not as crazy as you think it is.

It's her blankie from her childhood or it's her favorite blanket from home that like she's going away from home and she wants a piece of children.

Jackie, it's a blankie.

Like I'm telling you, you're not understanding.

Like this is a very common thing.

Please send me Rachel's tech right now.

If anybody's going to convince me otherwise, it's Rach.

Send me the TikTok

right now and I'll tell you why it's different.

Jackie, she put it on reels and you're supposed to be a Reels person.

Well, she obviously didn't share the Reels to her story.

Look, literally, she posted something about her husband.

It was very funny.

Actually, maybe it was on TikTok.

Sorry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was.

Trying to gaslight.

I'm going to find I don't know Rach's content.

No, I'm telling you, here.

waking my husband up with my baby blanket, Marsha, to see his reaction.

So she has a name for it.

It's okay, so she knows it's weird.

It's a crusty old blanket and he throws it across the room and says, get it off of me.

Because they acknowledge that it's weird.

No, I, by the way, I agree that it's awareness.

It's there's a little bit of dysfunction and like something psychological, but I just wanted you to know, like, this is not like this is for people our age, like it's actually weird.

Like a lot of people have this.

They're not okay.

I'm sorry.

And the thing is about Rachel, I'm not worried about her and her dependence on her blankie because she's like a fully like she has a thriving life and a full life and she is like she's okay, it seems.

But this is like a 24-year-old man who's like venturing into adulthood and like this is a critical time for him and he needs to transfer his dependence from bear.

And I'm sorry.

And also like there's something like a little less weird about it when it's a girl versus a boy.

Jaggie, 100%.

Like when it's, and by the way, when it's Rach versus a lay person.

No, of course.

And we also need to discuss like how one of the benefits of of living in the patriarchy is like we can do things.

We can get away with stuff.

We can get away with stuff.

So whenever you want to, you know, disestablish the patriarchy, I support the movement.

But keep in mind, there are a few benefits, and your blankie is one of them.

Yeah, and we're getting away with it, but

not for long.

Not if I have anything to say about it.

All right.

Are you ready for our next one?

How you dering, ladies?

I have a predicament.

My husband and I have been together for almost four years.

At the very beginning, like three or four months in, I was super insecure and I got on his phone one night while he was sleeping.

I muted literally every single female on his following list that I was even a little threatened by.

I knew he'd probably realize if I unfollowed them, so that's why I just muted them.

Now we've been together for so long and I've been to therapy and I feel secure in our relationship.

I mean, we're literally married now.

But the other day, I remembered that I did this and now I just don't know what to do.

Should I tell him?

Should I secretly take his phone again and undo it?

Should I just leave it alone and take this to the grave?

I feel bad because some of the girls were his close friends and I'm even close close friends with some of them now, and I don't know what to do.

Help,

honestly, like I feel like if you come out with it, like you will look a little crazy.

No, don't come out with it.

The only thing that you could maybe do if you need to feel the need to do something is slowly, one by one, unmute a few people.

You can't undo it all at once.

He'll get this flood of ba-ba-bakini models.

He was hacked.

No, and he'll just be like, hey, what's all this, puss?

Like, no, I also don't need to unmute anyone, like a famous model.

Leave them muted, but like close friends, like who aren't posting, like titillating stuff.

Like, but I think you need to do it.

You need to roll it out slowly, but that gives more opportunity for you to be caught.

Yeah, that's also true, but it has to be done very stealthily, like a spy.

Like a spy, one by one.

One at a time.

And go from like the coaches.

One by one, hurrah.

Hurrah.

Hurrah.

Hurrah.

Yeah, no, I like low-key, like, agree, like, that what you did, what you had to do at the time, like for yourself and for your man.

But now you can acknowledge it it was crazy and that's called growth and I'm really proud of you who's to say that like you reached this place

not like perhaps you reached this place of confidence and and and

certainty and security because of what you did no for sure I did like you had what you had to do

allowed you to get to this place to thrive in a new environment uninterrupted by bikini models you did what you had to do for you and your man and your relationship and I'm proud of you and now you're, you know, grown enough to make some changes again.

Slowly.

Slowly,

overall messages, do not tell him.

Like, you will look so crazy.

Oh, no.

That's not on.

And I don't know.

What you do in your own time is nobody's business but your own.

Don't sweat it.

I think we can learn a lot from you.

I agree.

Hey, girlies and Streisand brothers.

My bestie at work has this little, Jackie, you're going to like, like, actually vomit, okay?

Oh god.

My bestie at work has this little baking side hustle, and she's very good.

Every Christmas, her and her mom spend a weekend before Thanksgiving baking hundreds of Christmas cookies of all kinds to give out as gifts to their friends and families over the holidays.

This year was my first year getting a full-size box for my family.

Other people at the office who got boxes included her entire team of like 10 plus people, a few of our bosses, a couple of peers.

The day she gave to me, I was headed to my parents for the night for a birthday dinner.

My family knows her baking so well and they were just so excited about the cookies.

The next morning, I sprang up out of bed, so excited to dine on the cookies, when to my surprise, as I entered the kitchen, the box was gone.

I come to find out that two cockroaches had crawled out of the box earlier that morning when my parents were having cookies with their coffee, and they, of course, had to throw out the entire box, basically fumigate the kitchen.

I'm positive that it did not come from my parents because my mom hired an exterminator later that day and they confirmed that there were no bugs in the house.

I'm horrified because she gave this box to a ton of other people at work, including executives in our group.

I'm definitely the closest person to her who got a box, but I'm so torn.

Do I just take it to the grave with me or do I find a way to tell the friend that her box was a cockroach motel?

Sincerely, a toaster who can never look at Christmas cookies the same way.

That's horrible.

Just tell her.

Like,

I don't know, because like

it still could have been you.

Like, no, but it sounds like she exhausted every option.

Like, I'm operating under the premise that it was not you.

And, like, you should just tell her

because, like, she made you, she made you go through this.

And so, also, she knows like don't ever give me one of your roach laced cookies again i do want to say when i are done i won't tell everyone else because i don't want to start a panic but you have unleashed

roach vermin

roach mania in the office now i'm not going to tell everybody because it's roachella

roachella actually maybe tell honestly like to me this is so unforgivable like get your disgusting fucking cookies that I never asked for away from me.

It's so like extra to like make bags of cookies for everyone, even though, like, nobody asked, nobody wants

homemade cookies.

Like, no, if I said, Jackie, I don't know you, like, if you're not, if to me, it's like, if you're not Olivia or you're not, like, my close friend and you're like bringing me some homemade goods, like, I'm good, but you couldn't be

also, then it's a roach infested.

Like, you need to be stopped dead in your tracks.

So, this is what you do.

This is the plan.

You tell tell the biggest yenta at the office, the biggest gossip that there were, but you, but bitch, you better be 100% certain they came from her box.

Like I almost want you to send your, like to do a, because you can't start this rumor about someone and it's like not true.

You need to find a way to confirm that it was in another box.

Like you need to have proof because we're not going to be slandering homemade chefs.

And you tell the biggest gossip in your office that

you got your box and there was two roaches in it.

and then you let the chips fall where they may.

Okay, I just want to say you got a few things wrong.

One, the girl said, like, this good, these girls' cookies are really good.

It's like a treat to get one.

She's not imposing her box of cookies on people.

Like, she's very talented.

Two, um, I actually couldn't agree with you less.

Like, I think the best baked goods in the world come from people who are like full-time workers who happen to be really good at baking.

Uh, Casey Pie,

yeah, but like, I

don't think I said Casey Pie.

Casey Pie is the best pie I've ever had.

She

has a business because she's a business.

She works in finance and then she's like really good at making pies.

So like a little side hustle, she'll like sell a couple pies during the holidays.

I think the best baked goods are from people who have side hustles.

Yes, correct.

Yes.

Yes.

That's not what she said.

So she didn't sell these cookies.

Well, this year it was like a gift, but I do think she she said side hustle.

It literally says side hustle.

So it's like a side business.

And then for her gifts for her, you know, coworkers, she, you know, in lieu of a bottle of wine, made cookies for everyone.

Okay, okay, okay.

I'm with you.

I'm following.

Continue.

So I just want to say, it wasn't an imposition, but the cockroach

does change things.

It is now an imposition.

I don't know what to tell you.

To bring a cockroach into someone's home is an unforgivable thing.

Unforgivable.

Because it's a problem for life.

They don't know what it is.

If your cockroach problem is to the point that you can't take a box out of your kitchen without two sneaking in, then I'm sorry they are crawling all over the place.

And you have to know about it.

And you're knowingly making making baked goods in your cockroach hotel for your friends and family.

Because you're right.

For them to have gotten in the box, it must, oh my God, I can't talk about this.

My back is starting to tingle.

I'm the wrong person.

Here's the thing.

I'm the wrong person to ask about this because I take such offense.

Like, if this were,

if this happened to me, I would lose my mind.

And so I'm out of my mind.

I can't answer you what to do.

For me, this is reason enough to like, oh, no contact with this person forever.

Like, it's

would you tell anyone?

Would you tell her?

What would you do?

I think, I feel like telling her, you made the best point.

Like, if they get into the box, like, they're not okay.

Like, they're, she must know about the roach problem.

Like, if it's that rampant, so you're telling her something she already knows and chose to ignore.

Yeah.

And chose to

use as a kitchen.

That's diabolical stuff.

Unless, I don't know, she took it on the train.

I don't know.

You know, what was the journey of the box?

No, for real.

I'm getting a tingle down my my spine.

I cannot talk about roaches.

I'm staring at the floor right now because now I'm anticipating an attack.

So I'm man enough to say that, like, my advice here is

maybe not the best advice because, like, I would take this so deeply personal.

Like, to me, this is, this is a trigger for me.

A roach,

a roach hotel in my kid, like, that is a trigger for me.

So, maybe someone in the comments can tell us what's best here because I can't see clearly out of this one.

We're too triggered.

We're too triggered.

Well, that was dear toasters.

Thank you to everyone who wrote in.

Again, that email is dear toasters at gmail.com.

Try and keep your submission brief, simply need to know information for the best chance of getting on the show.

That is our show.

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Have an amazing hump day.

We'll see you tomorrow for our final episode of the week because tomorrow night I am in Delaware for one of the final shows of the N-Log tour.

So, four episodes this week, not five.

And we're back on Monday.

Oh, and are you going to be in New York on Monday?

Yeah.

Girlies back together.

OG recipe.

AA.

Love you guys.

Have an amazing day, and we'll see you tomorrow.

Bye.